#Jay is a self-disrespecting king

[nightmare-the-cat]

Crimson Wings III

Hunter becomes Lucifer’s equivalent of a secretary, using a Rune Stone (old time hell newspaper/mail dispenser) and the radio to keep up with current goings on-with all the facts he can gather.

…………

There had been a rather important change in Lucifer’s routine as of late.

“Sir-I have the daily report ready, if you’re ready for it”

The voice was timid, but it was a far cry better than the complete silence they’d started with. Lucifer chuckled and turned in his seat, current project in hand, to find Hunter waiting stiffly for permission to begin.

With just a little hand wave, all the tension in his shoulders melted away, and the little blonde began his self-assigned daily report once more.

“Okay, so starting with what you seemed to care about most from previous reports, here is an update regarding the discovery of that dead Exorcist after the latest Extermination-its been released that only a severed head had been recovered, no sign of a body, so I suppose now we know why the next Extermination is in four months instead of ten” Hunter hummed, pacing back and fourth with a little bit of flourish. “Your daughters hotel on the edge of Pride has another confirmed resident-side note, the amount of disrespect towards her in the media is borderline disturbing-and that, quote, “off brand shithole” Loo Loo Land in Greed has burned down-“

The report continued on for the next ten minutes, Hunter always starting with what Lucifer would deem most important or relevant, then going down a list of things that could be of note, all ended with the flimsy “gossip” and “business” sections that were mostly there for Hunters sake.

At the end of the report, Lucifer stuck the finished rubber duck on Hunters head, this one stylized to look like a Blue Jay, another little habit they’d gotten into.

“Nope, Flapjack wasn’t one of those either-but it’s a decent guess” the blonde hummed with a smile, retrieving the little bird from his head and carefully placing it on the “Incorrect Guess” shelf, right below a tiny outcrop labeled “Flapjack”. “Shall I move on to your mail? We’ve finally reached the end of our catch-up summaries-and there’s even a few messages for today”

“Of course” Lucifer hummed, taking note of how far to the right the latest guess was placed, before gathering up his cup of lukewarm tea and settling back down. “I’m sure the Goetia are going off on me for ignoring them”

“Well, you’re half right. But for a start, last months mail-all of it was junk, but there’s some things of interest-phony ransoms via some imp mafia, a report from a hell incident on earth involving Beelzejuice and… a fish, and some tabloids speculating about possible relations between an imp and one of the big seven-nothing new there” the boy hummed, quickly moving down the scroll. “Onto current events-I’ve managed to get you off the list of all those junk adverts someone signed you up for, as today was free and clear!”

“Ah, what would I have done without you?” Lucifer chuckled, to which Hunter cackled, turning to face the king of hell with amusement.

“Been buried alive like I was when you finally checked your Rune Stone-that’s what” the boy hummed, before turning back to his list, ignorant of the proud smile that was sent his way. “Now-there are some demands here from the Ars Goetia for a formal party….”

…………

Another perk of having Hunter as a (self-appointed) sort of secretary around the manor was that the boy brought up a lot of good points about the current state of hell. For instance, despite his discomfort with voicing his personal opinions on political matters, he was not afraid to speak up if he felt something needed to be addressed.

In this case, it was more like something that needed to be checked up on.

“So, I’ve gathered you haven’t been checking in on the other major sins since… seven years ago, approximately?”

It wasn’t too out of the blue of a question-Hunter sometimes dictated Lucifer’s mail responses due to his insane speed-writing skills, not to mention his rifling and summation of all the unread mail from the last five years. Nowadays he did his secretarial work in the corner of Lucifer’s study, both from Lucifer’s own insistence, and the logical idea that he could ask relevant questions without feeling like he was intruding on something.

“Mm-yeah, pretty much. Lilith was more invested in keeping the Sins in check, though” Lucifer hummed, gently sculpting a crest on his current little red-breasted rubber-robin-duck. “They’re mostly kind of…. How to put this appropriately…. Assholes?”

“And… you don’t think it’s a BAD idea to leave the other rings of hell to their own devices? Unchecked?” Hunter questioned, which gave Lucifer pause. “Far be it from me to tell you what should be done, but I DO have experience in managing a similar political climate-even if the prophet-king in charge was an obsessive control freak-and leaving the only people who can challenge your power to their own devices can have pretty… INTENSE, consequences”

For the second time that day, Lucifer turned to look at Hunter, who had a rather strained expression on his face.

“Okay” Lucifer said slowly, filing that disturbing bit of information away for later. It was screaming “cult” vibes and he was NOT liking it-but Hunter did have a point that needed to be addressed. “What do you propose I do now?”

“Well, for starters, a voluntary meeting within the next month-it will tell you which sins are power hungry boot lickers, curious about your motives, or legitimately loyal to you. It’s enough prep time for me to make the manor look presentable, but soon enough that it will only be a priority for sins who care” the blonde explained, quickly scribbling down a little chart with the crests of the other sins and a timetable. “Then, once we know who’s interested, and you casually talk about whatever policies you want to enforce, we make a second, mandatory meeting date at a later time for ALL sins- including an escort for those who try to blow it off-and make ironclad proclamations about what codes of conduct the sins need to follow going forward-and appropriate consequences for code violations”

It was very apparent Hunter had been thinking on this for a while. If Lucifer was honest, it sounded like a fair and reasonable plan of action, gouging out supporters before making non-negotiable laws. It also gave those who held support a voice before the laws would be solidified.

This wasn’t just “political experience”, this was political EXPERTISE-at least in a climate similar to hell. The ramifications of that made Lucifer squirm a little on the inside. Hunter himself had admitted he died young-like, MINOR young, what kind of person had put a BOY in charge of a government? He didn’t know-but if he ever found the sinner responsible, it would not be a pretty execution.

“I’ll admit-this is a good plan, and you have a point about my negligence in keeping the sins in line” Lucifer hummed, slinking up to the boy and giving the little chart a look over. Hunter flinched when Lucifer then cupped the side of his face, the side with that scar, but didn’t pull away. “This… “political experience” you speak of… were you given any power of your own over others?”

“Oh, heavens no. My title was mostly just that-a title. I had no real power-just a name to be respected” the blonde admitted, trying to look away, but Lucifer held his head in place. “…I was an errand boy at best. My opinion held no weight. Anything I brought up to improve political relations was thrown out. I was a figurehead-and that was it, though I didn’t realize it until….”

Hunter went silent, and Lucifer let him look away this time, hand moving to the boys armored shoulder instead.

He never questioned the choice of armor on a sinner before, but…

It didn’t bode well for what this boys life experience had been.

“Well, you’re here with me now, and I think you have a good head on your shoulders” Lucifer chuckled, ruffling the boys hair before summoning up a little manifesto of his own. “Now, why don’t we start planning a little shindig for our impending guests? If we want to reclaim some order in hell, it’s best to have a warm welcome waiting for them!”

[freeworldallahmbaclass]

Very very true I'm not a religious debator I don't argue with Muslims , 5 Percenters or Israelites I'm an ex drug dealer that got kicked off my team along time ago but I redeemed myself and is on a much better team now ROC Nation literature my spot on the bench I will take it , it's ROC and Jay Z maybe I will get to perform ( play ) one day but just being on Jay Z roster is okay for me that's Hov and I could just say I'm on his team and it be true but I got on with him because I'm a builder my program and that I eventually figure it out one day because I seek education like I will eventually find myself an job , and somewhere say to live that fits me and my lifestyle , he paid for my life at an auction thank you Jay Z and Beyonce black royalty bailed me out and he offered me a job of recording music with his team if I could just get there I been in drama with Muslims , 5 Percenters and Christians , city workers and black kids that is using voodoo witchcraft on me along with police and correction officers please get off of me and no I ain't cool with me disrespecting me ever and never will be and I don't answer to people trying to be god over me that will never work for me and that is no good and I really don't know a true religious person that does that no thank you and I always loved books since my mom's house and started reading again when I moved to Brooklyn and no I don't get into circles and attempt to let somebody tell me who I am or who they think I am when the book say different and whoever I say I am that is what I am and which ain't really important no more and no it ain't nobody god over me or me god over them and I don't mess with religious people that will kill or hurt people because of religious debates that is dissension and weakness and how you black or Spanish and haven't read Carter G Woodson . The miseducation of a negro yet you got to read it definite banger and classic get your mind right my cousin gave it to me she a CEO must of meant read it , I read it mad times instant classic you gotta get that book and no I don't mess with voodoo witchcraft or people that practice I wish they will get off of me with that voodoo curse and yes I'm about money building helping is my passion of mines and I got famous from doing it and yes I'm a king just like you though by having knowledge of self I know who you are who you truly are and yes I was a drug dealer that was my vocation my trade and skills and yes I legalized drugs so the Dope boys can get out of jail and stay out of jail on my honor I was one that was my daily activity and no I don't knock their hustle I know what is for me and I moved on from the street life I more like pass laws to help them now because no I don't mess with people that talk to me disrespectfully no disrespect and no press for me and no stress for me I just want to get it to you that I do run my own life and I'm done with every game, case and places where you playing with me at and leave me alone I'm about accomplishing stuff and of course big business and I guess I gotta learn concert performance that is what the Ed Sheeran apple music tour is for it is for me he did that for me to learn , thank you .

It is very good to see Camron and Mase again on their show I just saw it and Mase claiming me well it is about time we from the same borough they would be considered my OG my big homies my family that is true basically I'm from their family tree the way it is with me they took me on as a helper a builder in New York and the world and Cam referred me to Roc Nation me just saying it makes it true that how much family we are and Joey Fat Joe from the bronx just put me back on the team the bench which I accepted and Mase and Cam go back as my big brothers that make dope hot music and got their new show please tune it is hot and ask Mase what's with album your music hot bro and I sit on the bench and be quiet what had happened it just some guys I grew up with including my brother which is their brother we all family got me back now I'm like an football player with it I got hit hard by a 300 pound linebacker now back to the huddle and snap that is people I knew since elementary plus my aunt's sisters and cousins over there off the females in our family we aight so their is no trying to kill each other no we will fight like brothers do all the time because we brothers but I'm an athlete and I want to play again I'm on the bench but I do gotta train myself I just been hit hard get back up and go back to my team , Mase , Cam , Vado , Jae Millz , MK we all from the same neighborhood and is family so yes we are cool and all them got super super dope ass music and movements that you need to tune into I know I am and I can't say nothing different .

This is my culture and my house in Harlem and where Teyana Taylor is from she from my hometown in New York City I love her music and movies and no I'm not racist neither is my culture and remember my brother and sister is white Caucasian if anything is said that seems racist in my culture it is to explain the injustices and all the inequalities done to us by another people for centuries that left a scar on us as a community as a people as a people in general in job offerings job opportunities the wages we are paid and then how we see and love ourselves and our fate and what we feel our probabilities and chances in life are for us which was and kinda still is created for us by another people and even as Individuals as humans we suffer from done to us against us as a people black people I came to realize her movie is teaching me about life and taking care of myself 1001 pushups and about my resume writing , job interview and cover letter skills then I have to show the courts I rehabilitated with that program I'm in now the bridge back to life program referred to me by industry people and I have to accept that where I'm at in life and go from there the order is

Cover letters

Resumes

Job application letters

Job interviews like learning how to talk on the job interview

Then you get the job and then chase the big stuff like stardom some do it without a job my brand is my intelligence and I do own my own library in New York City with an education and knowledge everything is possible so need to go crazy or turn into an active shooter when you have a great resource like a library I own my library and I'm proud of myself learning the correct procedure and process is great but you know in a world where people unprofessionalism can cause you anxiety and worry is a major problem that is all our curse . I have to learn my way in the job market and then go from there and live a good normal existence , so sorry to her your music is dope to me Teyana I love you and everything about you and your movie is good and yes I remember Mike from NBC over there in Rockefeller center he shot me down for a job a while back and it was my unpreparedness that made him do that now I have professors like Prince Harry that stack me with books , Teyana thank you , and I got a chance to go to my friend Nas store the Sweet Chick store it was cozy and put me back at home in New York City that was cool , Love Nas . Riddle solved lotta work to do and train hope the best for you read the books and learn it is amazing we make ourselves by the education we give ourselves .

Thank you to the city of Brooklyn New York City for the Biggie smalls statue in front of 360 Adams street the statue symbolizing that I have stage fright that is what it means and what is taking me so long is stage fright hopefully I break out of that as soon I get on a stage any stage I said thank you to Brooklyn I have to learn my way out of that it is my 3rd picture or statue as me as the late great deceased rapper Biggie Smalls of course his memory will live on forever through his mom's and his kids , his community and all communities especially communities in Brooklyn his city his borough from the 5 Boroughs of New York City in honor of New York City .

[sepublic]

Luz’s Online Experience?

           Talking a lot with @sterling-jay over the subject and discussing this; I noticed that Luz can be particularly persuasive and a powerful debater, specifically at the end of The First Day where she mercilessly gives Bump a peace of her mind until he finally concedes her genuine point. Coupled with her mentioning “Jerks online who want to debate” as one of her primary fears, and… I have to wonder if she honed her argumentative, debating skills from having to deal with those kinds of people as a kid, usually in online forums that she’d go to talk about her hyperfixation with other like-minded kids; Especially since the internet tends to be a place of solace for neurodivergent kids who can’t find others like them in their area.

           I’d see Luz as being SO passionate and into her argument as she brings up a bunch of brilliant points, and then she just gets shut down by a cruel remark (like some internet edgelord calling her “nerd”) and it HURTS so much, because Luz invested so much energy and effort, and yet clearly others don’t feel the same, despite apparently inviting her into discussion. Luz really seems like the type of kid who practiced her arguments and speech and really deliberately stewed over them during class and meals, getting distracted as she thought of the perfect rebuttal, usually within the shower; Because for someone like her, she just CAN’T let it go, because her hyperfixation is being trashed and she has to defend this, etc.

           And I think Luz was the kind of kid who easily fell for the kind of taunts and trolling that older people online would do, targeting neurodivergent kids who take things at face-value and are too literal and innocent to realize what’s up. I can imagine Luz getting into flame wars online, because some trolls deliberately aggravate Luz by trashing on her interests and saying dumb things, forcing Luz to go on the defensive as they mercilessly criticize what she likes in order to ruin the fun for her- And eventually Luz realized those people weren’t actually interested in debating her, just making Luz second-guess and doubt herself. So she learned not to bother engaging with those people and just shut them out- Hence why she defeats her fear by recognizing such people as not coming from a place of intellectual honesty, that they aren’t worth her time trying to convince because of this.

           That’s why it’s one of her primary fears, “Jerks online who want to debate”, because there’s always that one person on an internet forum who has to be “Um, actually” and deliberately try to ruin Luz’s fun and disprove her headcanons, all while acting so much smarter than Luz, all condescending and pretentious; Probably defaulting to that “Why are you so EMOTIONAL/triggered” response that’s frustrating and invalidating to Luz. And you know someone with a good heart like hers would NOT stand for that kind of talk on principle; And as the daughter of a nurse, she’d go into a spiel about how triggers are an actual medical term, only for Luz to be accused of “taking things too seriously” or “ruining jokes”.

          This kind of frustrating, constantly-being-egged-on harassment from others online- It could’ve really soured Luz’s experiences, making her feel even more lonely and unsupported… And it could’ve led to Luz explaining that it’s not worth one’s time trying to engage into argument and conflict, which she explains to King at the beginning of Once Upon a Swap- She’s been there, Luz knows how it feels, and she knows that it never ends well and is just playing into the aggressor’s game. And when Boscha bullies and harasses Willow during Wing it like Witches, it strikes a particular nerve with Luz, causing her to challenge Boscha; And for a less drastic example, this kind of unpleasant experience influences Luz to challenge Amity at the Covention, for King’s honor.

           It’s because Luz IS curious and genuinely thoughtful and willing to hear others out in a meaningfully critical sort of way, so she just HATES people who act like that, who come from a position of bad faith and aren’t interested in actually evaluating arguments. So she’s so passionately against the type of ableist trolls who make fun of people for being so invested into their hobbies and interests (because that’s “not a personality”). And it just culminates in Luz being somewhat cautious whenever people approach her online or in real life, because she’s not sure if they’re being genuine or not, if they’ll ever take her seriously, so what’s the point in being able to argue on her and others’ behalf?

          For a while, Luz could’ve been the kind of kid who has a brilliant argument, but it’s just… SO HARD for her emotions to not get riled up, to be made fun of as her voice wavers and her eyes water- Which means getting dismissed as unreasonable, ‘too emotional’, all that sorts of stuff. And so despite setting this situation up, Luz’s bullies manage to make it look like LUZ is the aggressor, that she’s the one throwing the first punch, when they were deliberately trying to emotionally trigger her into doing so. And as @sterling-jay suggested, that just leads to the word “Trigger” becoming an ACTUAL trigger for Luz, because of the way it was cruelly and inaccurately used against her in the past- And sometimes when people use it like that, it can launch Luz into a whole spiel about how that’s super-disrespectful to people with actual disorders and PTSD, only to be mocked for being so ‘emotional’.

           That means Luz having to learn to regulate her emotions, pretending to not actually care, to be more mature… Before she realizes that no, that’s also playing by their game, who cares what those trolls think? So Luz just blocks them out, ignores them, and continues to be who she is unapologetically, blocking anyone who tries to intrude on her fun without remorse. But what happened still happened, so Luz has a bunch of clever debating skills and rhetoric left over from those days when jerks online would drag her into flame wars for their own amusement. But on the Boiling Isles, especially Hexside… Luz might find an actual, genuine debate club in the Bard Track or someplace similar.

          She’d have an environment where people DO debate and argue on good faith, from a place of intellectual honesty- A place where people genuinely, critically think and reflect on their own and others’ takes! So Luz has this powerful, persuasive energy and debating skills that she’s built up over the years, but never had a chance to properly utilize in an environment where it would be taken and evaluated seriously; So like a lot of her passion and interests, curiosity and energy- Luz finds the opportunity to indulge and explore it in the Boiling Isles, channeling that skillset and ability into something good and productive… Like convincing a local principal to provide multi-track learning options for students, and not bend a knee to a corrupt system!

          And Luz’s fiery, righteous rage against injustice can come into play during a revolution against Belos’ dictatorship; Because she knows firsthand what it’s like to be frustrated by people who claim to argue on superior, academic merits, but are only really interested in just shutting you and your ideas down… Because no, Luz KNOWS that her and others’ ideas are worth listening to, and hearing out- And it’s just so validating to see people like Eda actually listen to Luz… To actually change their minds, or else explain their own thought processes in earnest, instead of just shutting the girl down because they said so.

          It’s this ability to really critically question things and evaluate if people are coming from a place of good, intellectual faith, that makes Luz ready to challenge all sorts of things, while mentoring and encouraging those who are in a similar spot to her childhood, but didn’t have any support- Until now. That yes, what you say IS valid, and if people can’t be bothered to explain themselves properly and/or take your argument into account- Then you shouldn’t have to listen to them, and at times; Just remove yourself from the situation entirely! Prioritize your own comfort and health, and don’t bother trying to play by the rules established by others who are trying to drag you down onto ‘their level’. Challenge the system, break its rules, and don’t bother vying for some kind of moral approval from others who don’t actually care about that kind of thing; And always remember, your emotions, your anger and grief, ARE valid…!

          ‘Calmness’ doesn’t necessarily indicate objectivity, it can be apathy operating from the comfortable status quo that is being upheld. And don’t fall for the trap of lowering yourself to their playing field, by assuming both sides have a point, because chances are; Both of you are operating from very disparate positions already. What others say may be coming from such bad faith, that they are not entitled to your ‘respect’, nor an actual platform to validate their terrible ideas. And don’t let yourself be blamed for making things ‘more contentious than they need to be’ when you lash out in self-defense; Because a lot of the times, the status quo that’s being disrupted is unjust and NEEDS to be changed, and it’s the one causing conflict by hurting people in the first place.

[thefirstmate-archive]

☠️ | tag dump

[cartoonfangirl1218]

BTS Inspiration of Winner’s Curse

I know not many people read my descendants fic, but hey it’s my Bday tomorrow and I feel like revealing some of the inspiration for it. This world building was actually what inspired me to start writing it down. Originally it was going to be from the POV of a Vk, and explore all the dynamics of the “new” Isle under the Coven of 13, and get into the motivations of each but as you can see that did not happen. I was intrigued by the idea of exploring a “sidekick” trying to be the hero and all that. Other notes are

Circe was originally going to be the mother of Malik, after having a fling with Mozonroth when she got sent to the Isle. Decided it was too much drama and discarded that.

There was going to be more focus on the power struggles between the mercenaries, the Coven and the authority figures. Was going to reveal Uma and Freddie to be siblings. Ended up sidelining Freddie.

Gaston’s daughter, Cosette, was going to have a role, becoming closer with Gil.

Atlantis characters were going to be part of the main group. As well as Black Cauldron characters. Also discarded.

Was going to redeem Drizella because I heard the original plans for Cinderella III was going to be Drizella redemption but they changed so they could give more development to Anastasia. So I decided I was going to do it. Dizzy would have been given more of a role.

Hans was going to be revealed as the cruelest villain. (Yeah I was going to make him a twist villain again. Be glad I did not).

Nasira and Mozonroth were going to be lovers before I decided on mother and son.

Diego and Ivy De’Vil would have had more a role.

Hercules characters would have had more a role. Including the Muses.

Ben would have had more a role somehow.

And that‘s about it.

But some things I am proud of in Winner’s Curse. Passing the Bedchel test.

A POC majority cast (This was completely unintentional but now I see it and counting it out, there’s four Agrabians, two WOC, and three European. Though I’ll admit I have not given Harry, Calix and Gil as much spotlight as I should. So my bad. But does Greek count as a white Euro? Idk, point is, unintentional diversity. Woo)

There‘s only two romances. Both are interracial. Also unintentional. Uma and Harry are totally together. And Aziz and Lala’s burgeoning crushes that will not end in a kiss after the final battle because it’s not important. Oh well. Attempts to explore PTSD, abuse, sexual assault and poverty.

The emphasis on family and friendship between characters.

Exploring the negative side of Auradon including it’s classist system, the Magic Ban, and the Euro-countries getting more resources and riches compared to the likes of Kuzcotopia and Atlantis and Atlantica,

Psychological studies(ish) and more character exploration.

Jay faces his dad!

Hook siblings!

Getting to mention tie ins to the Aladdin animated series, Legend of Tarzan animated series, Hercules animated series, Ariel‘s Beginning and soon Disney fairies books. And adding those characters.

That I finished 20 chapters! This is my longest fic ever! And just ten more chapters to go! I’ll get there.

Coven of 13: Villains dedicated to using their old magic to take over Auradon and be restored to their glory days once more. However they all have conflicting wishes with what the final plan should be.

Maleficent: Since being “overthrown” as queen of the Isle. Maleficent had to settle herself with working with others until she can be mistress of all evil again. Is in a constant battle for dominance with Queen Nerissa, Ursula, Mozenrath and Jafar.

(Evil) Queen Grimhilde: Though she may be pre-occupied by her looks and seem to be passive, Grimhilde is secretly gunning for complete control of the Isle and Auradon when they invade. She feels there should be a new queen that doesn’t get into such petty tantrums as Maleficent. Queen Nerissa: Queen Nerissa is the unofficial leader of the coven since it was her idea but it is impossible to convince the others of that. She wishes to get her ultimate revenge on Giselle, Edgar and the rest of Auradon by becoming the tyrant.

Ursula: Ursula is smartly setting her sights on just ruling Atlantica. Unless she gets bored. Then she might expande her pool of options. She mainly just wants to stick it to King Triton and when it comes to execution time. She isn’t going to make the mistake of keeping his soul, she wants to destroy it. Mother of Uma.

Circe: Very bitter about ending up on the Isle even after Helen of Troy vouched for her to stay in Auradon. So to say that she wants to crush Adam to the bone is understatement. She wants him to grovel. And if she can find that one good man while she’s at it, that would be a plus. Mother of Calix.

Mother Gothel: Though she has an intense rivalry with Grimhilde since day one about hoarding the scarce beauty products available on the Isle, she is her closest supporter now when it comes to finding magic for revenge and curing wrinkly skin. She is the mother of Ginny who she doesn’t dote on nearly as much as she did with Rapunzel.

Yzma: She wants Kuzcotopia and she will do anything and everything to get it even if it means teaming up with a bunch of “old hags” (yes pot calling kettle). Still remains overdramatic and delusional. Has a semi-dependent abusive relationship with her children Zevon and Yzla.

Morgaine Le Fey: Morgaine Le Fey, like Grimhilde, is quiet when it comes to group work but she is always observing for everyone else’s weaknesses and flaws that she will undoubtedly exploit when she becomes Queen of Camelot. Mother of Morrían.

Nasira: Sister to Jafar and mother of Jade and Mozonroth. She isn't nearly as enthusiastic about ruling Agrabah as her brother and Mozonroth are but she is just in it to get revenge on the stinking alley rat, Aladdin.

Queen La: Without her staff, her kingdom or leopard-man army, La has resorted to her Atlantean priestess magic again in hopes of getting off the Isle and reclaiming her staff. Still delusional, still lustful and hates having to depend on the rest of these people. Mother of Ranavalalona.

Jafar: Wishes to rule Agrabah and execute the royal family that “mistreated’ and “disrespected” him so much. Is in a constant battle with Mozonroth on the fact that he is the best sorcerer and will be ruler of Agrabah when they take over. Mozonroth: Finds Jafar to be a blowhard and believes that since he already took over the Black Sands and overthrew his former mentor that he should be doing far better plots. But with the Isle’s Magic Ban, he has to go with what he has. Besides that he would like to give his half-brother, Aladdin, a taste of “brotherly love” when he puts him in a headlock to crack his skull. Father to Malik and Imran Abbas.

Dr. Facilier: Like Ursula, Dr. Facilier smartly works on the fringes, setting his sights small on the Bayou before ruling the rest of Auradon. Father of Freddie and Celia.

All-Powerful Quartet: Generally speaking, if any villain was going to be taking over Auradon, it would be these 4. But due to their all-powerful status, they’d rather not exert themselves to do such menial tasks when they have other things to do.

Mirage: Evil Incarnate. So she does get to go off-Isle to maintain some balance of good and evil in the universe but generally enjoys the place. There is just so much evil and chaos everywhere and she glories in it. Mother of Illusion and Chimera.

Chernabog: Since being put on the Isle, Chernabog remains asleep on the mountain, waiting for his day to rise again.

Horned King: Without his deathless army, the Horned King remains in his cave, slowly wasting away. Mainly convenes with Hades.

Hades: God of the Underworld. So yeah, he has a full time job to do.

Mercenaries: The muscle behind the Coven, these are people who can’t adjust to domestic life, more 20th century living and miss the thrill of a fight. They deal with the dirtier deeds of murder and treason. The big boss (literal mob boss) is Sykes who rents their services out.

Sykes: Mob boss. Basically owner of the unofficially named, “Mercenary for Hire.” He never gets his own hands dirty but he has plenty of people who will do it for him. He keeps his people in line with his files of blackmail he has stocked up.

Clayton: Desperately misses the thrill of the hunt and more modern conveniences like a well-polish gun with enough ammo to shoot all these thieves to hell. Has a coworkers- with-benefits relationship with Helga. Father of Clay.

Rourke: Since being screwed over by magic, Rourke has kept a very rigid condition that he will only deal with non-magical situations. Still maintains his treasure-seeking ways and often pilfers from Jafar’s shop.

Helga Sinclair: One of the most intimidating humans on the Isle and of the mercenaries in general. She is known for her efficiency in work, stoic demeanor and same condition to her jobs as Rourke, no magic.

Muviro: Finds mercenary life to be very suitable since being exiled from his tribe. He does it less so for the money but for the glory and bloodlust. Father of Renavalalona.

Lady Caine: Self-proclaimed, “Queen of Thieves” and pirate extradonier. She is Captain Hook’s only real competition on the piracy front leaving a lot of punch-punch kiss tension between them. Many suspect that she is CJ’s bio mom since they share the same manipulativeness, “devil may care” attitude and self-centeredness. However she has no time for any child-rearing, and leaves James to do whatever neglectful work.

Gaston: Another mercenary that does it for the glory rather than the money. He needs something to do since his hunting days are over. Unfortunately he has not won a lot of admirers on the Isle for his chauvinistic attitude (Bad move considering that many of the women have actual powers). Father of Gaston Jr. Gaston the Second, Gil, Gaston (IV) the Great and Cosette.

Shan Yu: Finds himself very low being part of a mercenary gang instead of invading foreign countries. But it does provide some thrill that he can work on his own and make his homicides as bloody as he wants them to be.

Sa’Luk: Former “King of the Thieves,” Sa’Luk uses his mercenary work to get rid of his excess energy and anger towards his enemies. He joins Rourke in pilfering from Jafar’s shops and has a penchant for shiny gold trinkets.

Lt. Col. Jean Staquait: Former French officer and best to hire when you need someone to torture prisoners.

Authority Figures: Villains who are used to have some amount of power in more domestic/civilian pursuits. Pretty much like big corporations that constantly drain the other villains of cash, small trinkets, food and whatever other valuables are on the Isle.

Queen Saleen: One of the most malevolent mermaid, well only mermaid on the Isle. She spends most of her time in the Isle’s waters, avoiding the annoying two legged people. She is often in some sort of feud with Ursula.

Lady Tremaine: Guardian to Anthony Tremaine. Lady is getting on with her years and remains more or less infirmed in her house with a dozen grandchildren. She runs her house with an iron fist and is the most vocal on the Isle in support of child labor. She misses her days of richness and convenes with other elder women about how low they have fallen.

Medusa: Just like she did before the Isle, Medusa owns a pawn shop that is on a constant losing streak to Jafar’s so she has opened a small casino next to it too. She rather delusionally considers herself to be an entrepreneur and tries to work with those higher up in the social ladder to get more money herself.

Cruella De’Vil: While she spends most of her time tending to her furs and car and drinking, when she is sober she tries her hand at fashion design as in the olden days. She works closely with Lady Tremaine and Medusa.

Prince Hans: More or less the least-adjusted to the Isle with his loss of kingdom, servants and anyone gullible enough to believe his lies or manipulations. He is in close cahoots with Mozenrath and bought Drizella as his mistress. Father to Lars, his only son and heir since Stalyan refuses to ruin her figure again.

Sheriff of Nottingham: Serves as the Isle’s one man police force and a sucky job at that as he lets his henchmen squad do most of the work while he serves as trial judge and executioner with the Queen of Hearts: She works a bit on the judicial system, mainly the one who suggests the executions. She can also be found bringing most of the cases to court against henchmen who have wronged her or disobeyed her Tea Shop’s rules.

Captain Hook: The sole owner and commander of the coasts of the Isle while Ursula controls its seas. He is still as obsessive as ever about Peter Pan, his hand and crocodiles and can be found frequenting bars and other brawling areas on the Isle where his hook serves as a nasty weapon. Father of Harriet, Harry and CJ.

Gov. Ratcliff: The only one on the Isle that deals with paperwork. Sort of a treasurer of sorts. Not so much in organizing it but guarding it with his life and spends his time staring longingly at the piles wishing it were genuine gold than copper coins. Claude Frollo: Father of Claudine. Maintains his strict preaching and inflaming others against sin and towards prejudice. But he also tends to lose his inhibitions more and is a regular at the brothels of the Isle late at night. No woman has replaced his lust for Esmeralda though. Claudette seems to becoming close to that though.

Stalyan: Hans’ wife and Lady Caine’s part-time lover which drives Prince Hans crazy. She has her eyes on one thing and one thing only, money and bad boys that make her look good. She has no real ambitions of her own and depends on her father, the Baron, to give her what she wants. Mother of Lars.

Regular Citizens: Citizens that hold no sort of power and are pretty much everyone’s punching bags.

Morgana: Morgana would have been put part of the coven, but her sister, Ursula forbade it. Besides everyone knows that Ursula is far more powerful and talented than her sister. Instead Morgana is blackballed from any real position of respect and takes care of Ursula’s restaurant when she is away.

Marina Del Ray: Since losing her job to Sebastian she has become the Madam of the Isle’s seaside brothels, using the money to spiffy up her gaudy wardrobe.

The Bimbettes: Claudette (red dress) used to be Gaston’s gf but left him after he tried to “throw away” their daughter, Cosette, to try for a boy. She has since then been seen with the likes of Prince Hans, Mozenrath and Frollo. Laurette (yellow dress), the mother of Gastons 1-3 is Gaston’s favorite. Paulette (green dress), Gaston’s official wife is more or less his servant/punching bag and mother to Gil.

Drizella Tremaine: Since she couldn’t be married to Prince Hans, she has settled for being his mistress whenever he and Stalyan have a fight. A thankless position since she regularly bends over (literally and metaphorically) to his will and gets discarded like trash every time.

Lefou and Smee: Live together and own a kinda profitable gun and fishing shack. By far the best parents on the Isle due to their goofy more sympathetic natures.

Jasper and Horace: Still devoted henchmen of Cruella, they serve as secretaries, gophers and all manner of assistance to her. Fathers to Jace and Harold.

Ivy De’Vil: Mother of Diego, is the brains behind Cruella’s beauty designs since she isn’t drunk all the time. Can be considered one of the better mothers on the Isle.

Animals: No explanation needed

Scar, Zira, Shere Khan, Sabor, Benzai, Ed and Shenzi, Tublat, Hista

Couples: Captain Hook and Lady Caine (fight-hate sex rivalry. Child- CJ)

Lady Caine and Stalyan (with-benefits)

Stalyan and Prince Hans (Married. Child- Lars)

Prince Hans and Drizella (affair, possibly Dizzy?)

Mozenrath and Hans (Hans swears it was an accident. Or he was too drunk. Or it was magic)

Lady Caine and Hans (Revenge against Stalyan)

Queen Grimhilde and Prince Hans (One night stand)

Ursula and Dr. Facilier (fling, potentially Freddie and Uma)

Frollo and Claudette (with-benefits)

Gaston and Laurette (Affair/borderline married. Children- Gaston Jr. Gaston the Second, Gaston (IV) the Great)

Gaston and Paulette (Married. Child- Gil)

Lefou and Paulette (Lefou deux, drunken night of pity sex because Gaston’s treatment of them)

Smee and Lefou (Couple. Adopted Sammy)

Ivy De’Vil and Frollo (One night stand. Child-Diego)

Mozonroth and Morgaine Le Fey (Fling)

Clayton and Helga Sinclair (co-workers with benefits)

Queen La and Muviro (Married and dumped. Children- Ranavalalona. Musala, Taytu Betuvira, and unnamed, deceased)

Queen La and Clayton (Fling- Leopold, deceased)

Queen La and Gaston (Fling. Children-Amina and Shaka, deceased)

Queen La and Rourke (Fling. Child- Euware, deceased)

Queen La and Mozonroth (Fling. Child-Sarounia, deceased)

Shan Yu and Sa’Luk (Once- There’s no straight men in the trenches)

[dailytomlinson]

“There were times I struggled to find my place in the band,” Louis admits today.

But it’s often the quiet ones you’ve got to look out for.

Behind the scenes he was very much centre stage: Louis was the mouthpiece, constantly fighting the boys’ corner and acting as chief negotiator between band and management.

“Being from Doncaster,” he says, “I’ve never had a problem with telling anyone ‘no’.”

“There was a while when I was worried I was getting left behind – some of the boys are on to their second album now,” he says, taking a draw onthe first of several cigarettes. “At times, I’ve been swimming against the tide, working out who I am. I was trying to find a way back into the industry, thinking of it mathematically rather than going off feeling and emotion.” 

He’s referring to collaborations with Bebe Rexha and Steve Aoki in 2016 and 2017 respectively, which, although successful, weren’t where his heart lay. With Kill My Mind – the exhilarating ’90s-inspired opening track of the album Walls �� he sets his stall out with a clear departure from anything he’s done before.

Walls is about regret, reflection and ultimately, hope, and feels like Louis, who sings in his still-broad Doncaster accent, has finally found his voice.

“I’ve always wanted to be autobiographical and honest. And in the last six months the songs I’ve written and recorded are of a better standard because there’s an honesty there,” he says.

Honesty certainly characterises the album, sometimes devastatingly so. There’s no escaping the fact that Louis, 28, has faced unimaginable pain over the last few years.

“It wasn’t until after I’d written it that I realised how much vulnerability I’d put in there,” he says. “When I first performed it… I had fans coming up to me in tears telling me their stories, and that’s not something I’ve ever had before. And to do it on that level about something so delicate… It was really cool to take something so dark and make people feel like that.

“I had to get a song like that off my chest. It was difficult writing about things that felt trivial compared to what was going on in my life. There was, I think, a necessity to write that song before I could move on creatively.”

Understandably, Louis won’t talk specifically about Félicité. But when asked about how grief has shaped him both as a man and an artist, he pays tribute to Jay.

“I think it’s a credit to how my mum brought me up that I have a resilience,” he says. “There’s nothing I want less than to have people feel sorry for me, so having that mentality has helped me through the hardest of times.

"I’ve also felt a real support system through my fans. I’d always felt it on a lower level, but when it’s something so impactful and life-defining, I really did feel it from them.”

Days after Jay’s death, Louis appeared live on The X Factor to perform Just Hold On with Aoki.

He was clearly in pieces and it was hard enough just watching, but somehow he held it together, presumably thanks again to that resilience.

“Sometimes it’s fight or flight,” Louis explains. “And the way I was brought up and because of where I’m from, I only see one option in that situation. I also wanted to put myself second and do it for my mum.

"That moment was bigger than me and it was actually incredibly liberating. It used every bit of strength and power and I look back on that performance as one of the proudest moments of my career.”

He says he tends not to suppress emotion and is able to share his darkest points with those he’s closest to.

But as the eldest of Jay’s seven children (five girls and two boys), he also feels a huge weight of responsibility towards his younger siblings and hasn’t had any professional therapy himself.

“No, no, nothing like that. That might be down to a bit of Northern pride, but I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders and that drives me. I’ve got siblings who look up to me and I’ve got my grandparents as well. So all those things keep my head screwed on.

“My mum had a massive influence on me and I lived with a lot of sisters in the house, so I do find it easier to speak about my emotions. But I’m also from Doncaster, where to be a guy is to be tough and traditional and I feel like [there are] times where pride kicks in and I just say I’m all right.

"I’m lucky that I’ve got good people around me who I can trust and who I can be completely vulnerable with and say how I feel. Nine times out of 10, I don’t bottle things up. I wear my heart on my sleeve.”

They sold 20 million albums worldwide, earning over £40million each, but the pressures of fame were, at times, intolerable. Louis says they were only able to keep their heads screwed on because they had each other.

“You can never be prepared for that. It was such a head f**k. But we grounded each other so the minute one of us acted like a d**khead one of the others would say: ‘Stop being a d**khead’. I see people in this job surrounding themselves with superiority and they lose the concept of the real world.”

He remembers doing a shoot with the band for Pepsi over in the States with American footballer Drew Brees.

“This guy was like a god and we were insignificant when he was around, which we understood. But I’ve never seen anything like it. Every sentence that came out of his mouth he’d have an audience of hangers-on in hysterics.

"These people were so far up his arse and he didn’t have one good joke. He had no banter! I still hang around with my boys from Doncaster and I hear real stories all the time, which helps me understand the world that unfortunately I don’t get to see. Having empathy with people and a connection with the world is imperative for any songwriter.”

Harry Styles recently said that he never touched drugs during his time in the band (although he’s made up for that since), because he didn’t want to “mess it up”. Louis smiles as he confides that he can’t say the same.

“All I’ll say is that I did my fair share and enjoyed my time in the band. It’s right what Harry said and it was smart of him, but I definitely had a lot of fun in the band. I was always aware of how amazing the opportunity was, but also enjoying the moment for what it was. I lived like anyone else my age – the difference was that I was in One Direction.”

He’s in touch with Harry, Niall and Liam “sporadically” (we’ll come to Zayn shortly), but they’re all on very different paths for now.

“If we all went to a pub tomorrow it’d be like we’d never left. The enormity of what happened in One Direction creates a massive bond and we’ll always have that.

"There have been times when we’ve done each other’s heads in. There might be something I say in an interview that bugs Liam or vice versa, but we all know what each other is like and we can call each other up and say sorry for being a d**k. We’re like brothers.”

But that’s not necessarily the case with Zayn, who quit in 2015 and with whom Louis has had a turbulent relationship since. He was hurt when Zayn was the only one not to turn up at the X Factor studio to support him through his performance after Jay’s death, despite promising to be there.

Then there’s Zayn’s apparent repeated digs. In one interview he branded 1D’s music “generic as f**k”. There’s a difference between making a break from the past and dismissing it completely, and it’s a line Zayn perhaps hasn’t always managed to walk.

“Hmm,” agrees Louis, cautiously. “Other than maybe Niall, there is no one who is prouder of the band and the songs we created than me. But while what I did with One Direction is relevant, it doesn’t define who I am and I don’t struggle to make that dissociation.”

Does he think some of what Zayn has said has been disrespectful?

“Yeah, I do. But I can understand it. We have a lot of situations where we’re sat in interviews and if you’re in a certain mood you might run your mouth. The older you get the more you can tell if these things actually carry any malice or if they’re just a prod in the back. That’s life, innit? Sometimes people chat s**t and that’s the reality.”

He’s not ruling out resolving their differences in the future, but there’s no olive branch on the horizon.

“No, but I’ve not actively tried. We’ve all got a lot on our plates and there might be a day where I wake up and think: ‘OK, I want to right that wrong’, but not yet.”

After being in his company for a while, it’s not hard to see why Louis was 1D’s driving force backstage. He’s thoughtful, articulate, open and self-aware, but there’s a steeliness to him and the requisite pop-star swagger, which doesn’t seem to spill over into arrogance.

And that is reflected in his music, which is heavily influenced by the Arctic Monkeys, The Smiths and Oasis. In fact, the title track and latest single Walls sounds so similar to Oasis B-side and fans’ favourite Acquiesce that Louis’ manager flagged it as a potential issue.

“These kinds of things happen. There are only so many melodies you can write and if you listen to a band all the time like I do with Oasis…”

Anyway, says Louis. He had to make a choice.

“I was ready to risk it, but everyone said we should get in touch with Noel [Gallagher] so we did. Often the industry, and especially Noel’s world, can be a bit snobby and say: ‘F**k you you’re not using this song’. But he was really cool about it, signed it off no problem and although I’m sure he’s not happy about this, I f**king am, I’ve got a writing credit from Noel Gallagher on my album. That is some sick s**t so I’m buzzing.”

Is he nervous about going it alone? “I think I’ve got a good record so I’m confident. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t little bit nervous – there’s three and half years work gone into it so there’s a level of anticipation.”

The most overwhelming emotion though, is relief.

“Because it’s taken such a long time. I’m excited to go on to the next phase of my career.”

[praphit]

“Black Is King” - nuff said, but I’ll ramble anyway.

"Black is King" is of course Beyonce's new joint, based somewhat on "The Lion King", with an array of African cultures and symbolism at its core. 

Now, I am no different than the rest of you. I am obligated to love all things Beyonce. I have an extra obligation as a black man; not that I don't love everything that she does. I don't want "The Hive" or the Illuminati after me. I'm just saying that even if I didn't care for something that she did or had a slight bit of criticism, I'd be obligated to love it anyway. But, like I said... I love everything that she does anyway, so... we'll just go ahead and give this musical film a Grade: A+ Ok? cool.

Beyonce did everything in this film. Normally, when someone tells me that they wrote, starred in, directed, produced, idk filmed... catered, was the whole I.T. team, etc, I think to myself "This is either going to be awesome or a huge pile of apeshit." But, we all know that The Queen overflows with awesome sauce. I mean look at all of the adulation from the critics.

But, this is an artsy project, so some of you might not understand what's going on. You don't want to be disrespectful, and shine light on your ignorance, so allow me to help you understand some of it, by taking you through it, so you can pay your proper respects.

The film starts off with a baby in the river. I don't know if it's some type of Moses thing going on (who once was a baby floating down a river), but Beyonce ends up with the baby. I don't know if it's Beyonce's child or not. I suppose that Beyonce could have stolen this child. But, you know... it’s Bey. If Beyonce ever kidnaps your child, consider yourself blessed.

And so, The Queen starts singing to the kid as she walks around some gorgeous island.

I'm thinking that this is just a typical morning for Beyonce. While we're all at work on a Monday morning hoping that the next sip of coffee will get our minds ready for another week, Beyonce will be walking on some dream island, singing and dancing, as her servants prep her royal breakfast.

Oh, and there's some blue guy who keeps appearing as well. I'm still not really sure what's going on with him.

THEN, all of a sudden, we're in space. 

Beyonce is there too (kinda in spirit form and glowing), and some old black man talks to us about destiny.

THEN, we're back on earth with some sort of star (possibly) falling quickly from the sky. Superman maybe? Satan (you bible nerds will get that)? Beyonce? Some sort of “Beyonce is God's gift from Heaven” imagery there? Idk. All of a sudden, I didn't care, because... hips.

Lots of hips start shaking in front of us.

I’d show you a pic or gif, but I’m afraid that some of you don’t know not to stare into Beyonce and her dancers hips - it’s like the ark of the covenant, if you don’t take breaks.

But, let me tell you... MY GOD.

A true goddess! As I think more about it, her godly powers throughout this visual album/film were spot-on dance choreography and unlimited stimulating outfits.

And of course... eternal hips.

Like all stories, we at some point must get to the villain. I guess you could follow along and say that Beyonce's possibly stolen child grew up a bit, left home, and found his way to some dude who looked like young Bobby Brown. 

Imagine Bobby Brown wearing an awkward amount of gold chains and holding a yellow snake.

Some of you probably don't remember the "king of R&B". Well, it's debatable whether he was or not; he certainly believed that he was, but I wonder who would call themselves the king or queen of R&B today? 

There's this guy, who is self-proclaimed... 

I affectionately refer to him as “J-Squeezy”. 

I think that I was half asleep when I first tried to pronounce his name, and that's what came out. He'll always be "J-Squeezy" to me.

Maybe Jhene Aiko (one of my wives). 

Though some might say Justin Bieber. Can you imagine all of the R&B legends look up from bended knee, and are forced to give high praise to their “king” 

- The Biebs? 

That's just plain sad.

So, Bobby Brown, some sexy woman in a red dress, a yellow snake, and a monkey scratching its butt all tempted Beyonce's probably stolen child. Now, the kid... idk what happened to him... he's a drug dealer or something now. ... idk.

BOOM! And like that, Jessie Reyez (whom I love!) is on the scene.

Her and a dancing motorcycle gang are in the woods doing God knows what, until some dude, who thinks he's a lion ends the scene (Scar from "The Lion King"? Idk).

We are then transported to a funeral. Everything is white. Beyonce is there, and in all white. But, things take an artsy, dark turn, and now it looks like Beyonce is dead. BUT, Jay-Z finally shows up to the rescue. I don't know where he has been; probably hanging out with his new buddy.

All of a sudden, we're back to their house/mansion on the island and Jay-Z is picking Beyonce up to go to some club. Then, they enter the club in slow motion. Which again, I feel like they probably do that sort of thing all of the time. Jay and Bey just walking in slo-mo to make an entrance.

It's a wild party with synchronized swimmers (yep), human chess pieces (yep), and Jay and Bey eating soul food. 

Just another night.

Jay-Z must have went to bed early or something, because immediately Beyonce is transported to some other club in the inner city. There are a lot of sexy dudes around. Idk if maybe Jay and Bey have got some sort of Will and Jada sitch going on.

Oh, and these designs at this No-Jay-Z’s-Allowed-Club were dope... weird, but dope! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find pics of them online, but they kinda gave me a “Silent Hill” vibe - 

Pretty much the same :) (Illuminati)

But, the scenes of this "flick" never stay dark, they always go back to vibrant colors with the African cultures vibe. All of a sudden, the colors are back and the kids (lots of kids out of nowhere... possibly ALL stolen) are with Beyonce, and they're all playing patty cake.

Wait, was "patty cake" appropriated from Africa? Dammit, white people.

Then, things got a lil confusing (THEN:) with what appeared to be random stories of random peoples lives. It was as if cameras were set-up at random events such as weddings, parties, etc. Is Beyonce "big brother"? When I "people watch", I'm just at a park or looking out of my window. Apparently, when Beyonce "people watches", she spies on us all.

Someone quoted something about "Remember who you are." Something else about how “We're all kings (except for Beyonce's servants)”, and you need to go get what is yours... or something. And someone else said "Child of dust return to the river" I think we all know what that means.

Annnnd more blue guy. 

I’m starting think that the blue guy was just in Bey’s head the whole time. 

At one point, there was a bunch of blue guys, and they were all dancing.

I could go on, but that's enough; it's just more of that.

I will say this - I loved the fashion, the locations, the dances, and the music... WOW! I love everything culturally about "Black Is King", as well as the overall statement (artistically) that its making..

However... now, I'm not saying that I’M saying this, but some might say that throughout this 1hr and 25min long medley of music videos that they found themselves saying often "What the hell am I watching?" I repeat, I AM NOT SAYING THAT. Perhaps some just might not get it. Perhaps, not unlike this year (2020), there's no real meaning. Now, it could be divine retribution. Maybe all of the worlds doctors and scientists are conspiring against us (and themselves). Or maybe the world wasn't well prepared for this pandemic. Maybe the arrogance in SOME parts of the world

 are making their sitch worse, and MAYBE there's no meaning to give it. Maybe we simply need to start finally listening to one another and quit being assholes. Maybe 2020 is a year merely to be suffered through, and hopefully you'll make it to the end. Not that "Black is King" is something to be suffered through. I gave it an A+ remember? And I certainly, definitely, unequivocally finished it. I'm just... rambling like I do.

Do you remember any of the imagery from the movie "The Ring" - allow me to refresh you memory:

(Adele? How did you get in there?)

You know, just a lot of confusing shit (though I love that movie btw).

I'm reminded of this, because the images in this movie had no dialogue to them; we all had to join the main character in figuring it all out.

Now, picture that, but instead of the creepy girl, we're blessed with Beyonce, and it's in color... and smear Africa on it. BOOM! That's art! Who wouldn't want 1hr and 25mins of that??!

All hail The Queen.

[sincerelyovercast]

Wow, just wow. Just saw this for the first time last night, and like I’ve said before... Beyonce Knowles-Carter is an undeniable GOAT when it comes to being an overall music artist. Think of about this way: Even if Beyonce’s career started in 2010, she would still have a strong case for GOAT status. 

In the 2010s alone, she dropped 3 classic albums (4, self-titled “Beyonce, & Lemonade). The latter two albums -- self-titled & Lemonade -- are both visual albums and are undeniable classics. Self-titled, the album that made me a Beyonce fan, is a visual and musical masterpiece. Lemonade, the album that followed, is one of the most important musical works of all time. 4, her first album with full creative control, is filled with timeless classic songs and is honestly an underrated album. She also dropped the amazing Lion King: The Gift soundtrack in 2019 (with its visual film Black Is King dropping later this July 2020). Also, she dropped a great collab album with Jay-Z as The Carters, titled Everything Is Love.

No disrespect to what she’s done before 2010 (which are all great in their own right), but when she started to manage herself and have creative control of her music/content, her true artistry and passion came out. Her music and performances resonated even more than before. This past decade is when Beyonce went from a pop phenomenon to arguably the greatest music artist/performer of all time.

They don’t call her Queen B for nothing. Bow down, bitches.

[sassycassie-s-series]

All My Fault 16

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): DC, BatFam - Damian Wayne/Batman

Rating: PG

Notes: (Masterlist) The Tag list is still open so if you want to be tagged in future chapters of this story, let me knooow! Also let me know if any of the chapter links break please. This is another longer than usual one to make up for the last one being a little short.

Tag List (Open): @batboys-and-other-messes @nanna-the-batmum @probsjosh @welovegroot

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5, Ch 6, Ch 7, Ch 8, Ch 9, Ch 10, Ch 11, Ch 12, Ch 13, Ch 14, Ch 15

^^^^^

Three days after the gala and the media had yet to calm down about the photos that the event photographers took. The one of me laughing my head off and Damian slightly smiling while we were sitting on the sofa went viral with the tabloids and social media. They were speculating whether or not we were dating. We weren’t. The one of me forcing Frederick Augustine down onto his knees by my twisting his wrist and the other one of Bruce red in the face defending me after I left were causing quite the uproar. One of me and Damian dancing reinforced the rumors that we were dating. One of Dick and I dancing was just kind of there to show I was adjusting.

“You were right,” I remarked to Dick, Bruce, and Damian when I entered the kitchen for breakfast. “Everyone’s freaking out about everything.” I showed them my phone, which was still open to ridiculous rumors.

“Tt,” Damian tutted into his tea.

“Good thing your interview with Vicki is today,” Dick said. “I bet you’ll get to clear some of it up.”

“Yup,” I said, taking the toast Damian offered me and sitting at the counter. Bruce was reading the newspaper and drinking coffee as close to the wall as possible so he could lean against it.

The press liked to say that Tim was the coffee addict of the family since he always had a travel mug with him in almost every photo that the paparazzi got of him, but really Bruce was the coffee addict. He didn’t sleep enough back when he was Batman and I doubted much had changed now that he retired.

“Is Alfred taking you to the Gazette building or am I?” Dick asked as I ate my toast.

“I am,” Damian said so I didn’t have to talk with my mouth full.

“What?” Dick complained dramatically. “I wanted to play the chauffeur!”

“Alternately, I can,” Jason said, ducking into the room and heading for the fridge. “Fancy hat and sunglasses? No one will recognize me. The little gremlin can play escort again.”

“He’s not a gremlin, Jay,” I protested tiredly.

“No. None of you are going,” Damian said. “I am taking McCloud to the interview at the Gotham Gazette building and that’s that.”

Dick grumbled under his breath about no one in this family being any fun.

^^^^^

“So, we got the official statement that the Wayne family put out about you being lost in the time stream and your story to the police about the lights and colors, but what was it really like?” Vicki Vale asked.

“Honestly, Ms. Vale, I don’t remember much. Just lights and colors. I don’t think human minds are meant to process the stream of time itself.”

“Now, your blood trail led back to an alley in downtown Gotham, but you said you were taken from the grounds of Wayne Manor. Does that seem odd to you?”

I shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I don’t think getting lost in the time stream meant I had to get chucked out of it in the same location I was pulled into it. I don’t know anything about time travel, but it’s called the space-time continuum for a reason, right? Like they’re tied together?” I suggested.

“I suppose. Changing the subject a little, it was brave of you to go to a charity ball three days after arriving home. I understand you went to bed early, but how was that?”

“Mostly alright,” I replied. “Tiring, but Bruce and his family was there to support me.”

“Speaking of Mr. Wayne’s family, his youngest boy was your date, right?”

I bit my lower lip and glanced at Damian where he was standing behind all the cameras. “Mm… Damian accompanied me, yes. I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call it a date. Like you said, I’d barely been home for three days and I found out I went from the second-eldest to the youngest… basically overnight. Adjusting to Damian and I being about the same age when before it was Cass and I—” And Jason but I wasn’t supposed to ever have met him since he died before I was taken in. “—was definitely strange. It’s still strange.”

“I imagine. What about the photo released by the event photographer of you twisting Frederick Augustine’s hand behind his back? What happened there?”

“He was being far too forward with me. He put his hand on my backside. I didn’t give him permission to touch me like that so I defended myself. My dad always put me in self-defense and martial arts classes so I could defend myself if a man touched me inappropriately. Mom always taught me that I deserve to be respected and treated as an equal human being so I wasn’t going to just let him touch me inappropriately. A lot of people will try to destroy my reputation for it but I'm not going to sit here and apologize for defending myself against someone blatantly disrespecting me.”

Vicki gave me a supportive grin. “You go girl. You’re strong!” she said. “Now, what about the other photo that sparked a rumor that you and Mr. Wayne’s youngest, Damian, have entered into a romantic relationship?”

I scoffed. “Ms. Vale. I’ve been home for six days.” Lies. I’d been home for about thirteen. “I’ve barely gotten used to Damian being taller than me, let alone a month older than me. I'm not ready to date anyone yet. It’s just a false rumor. The photographer asked if he could get a picture of us smiling so I told Damian a joke.”

“I see. So are you recovering alright?”

“I think so. Bruce is still Batman’s financial backer so he asked Batman to have couple superhero friends look me over. No lasting damage. But, apparently, time travel is really hard on the body. Which is probably why I slept almost my entire first day back. I was so tired. And being here now… It’s… it’s so weird.” I shrugged. “I feel like I'm in a movie. Like I'm going to wake up and Damian’s going to be thirteen again throwing my door open and telling me that I need to stop Dick from burning down the kitchen again. Like I'm just… I don’t know. Out of place, maybe? Definitely displaced from time.”

I considered tearing up for dramatic effect, but decided against it.

“I’d imagine,” Vicki commented. She crossed her legs and sighed in thought. “So now that you’re back, do you have any plans?”

“I haven’t come up with anything so far. I’ve barely thought about what I want to do. Maybe I’ll finish up my degree. I was so close to having it. I had a year left. Though, I don’t know if I’ll start this coming semester. Maybe I’ll wait for January.”

“Definitely something to think about.”

“Yeah. I might try and reconnect with old friends too. I know now they’re around twenty-nine while I'm still twenty-one and a lot has probably changed but… I’m eager to see how their lives have turned out. One friend in particular and I both had problems dating. I’ve been wondering if she ever found someone.”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck with that,” Vicki offered.

“Thank you.”

She turned. “Damian, would you care to join us? We can pull up another chair,” she said. “If you have any thoughts to voice about Miss McCloud coming back.”

Damian’s eyes flicked from Vicki to me, twitching an eyebrow in a silent question: asking what I thought he should do. I shrugged and glanced at the space next to me, indicating I wouldn’t mind if he sat next to me. He looked back at Vicki. “Alright,” he relented.

A crewmember working one of the lights for the interview grabbed another chair and pulled it next to me. Damian ducked under a light that was facing backwards into a silver-foil-lined umbrella—pretty standard for interview lighting—and sat in the chair next to me. Someone handed him a mic that he clipped to his shirt. He patted my knee and then folded his arms.

I was dressed for an interview—blouse and trousers with makeup on and my hair styled nicely—but Damian wasn’t. He had on dark jeans and a Van Gogh’s Starry Night T-shirt with Converse and a leather jacket. He had no interview makeup on so his skin wouldn’t be shiny in the intense light and his hair wasn’t quite as perfectly gelled out of the way as it usually was. And even with all that, he still looked a picture of confidence. He was the king of the room and he knew it.

I bit my lip a little and smiled at him before we both turned our attention back to Vicki. She gave Damian a million-watt smile that could have blinded me but was so falsely positive it almost made me nauseous.

“So, Damian, what’s it like having her back?” she asked.

Damian glanced at me. I met his gaze, eyebrows raised expectantly. “And be honest,” I added.

The left corner of Damian’s mouth quirked into a half-smile. He looked back to Vicki. “It’s been… someone else might call it a ‘blessing.’ When I was thirteen and she disappeared, the whole family was rather distraught. McCl—Nora really has always been a light in our home. Full of warmth and compassion. If anyone was having a bad day she’d always be there with a hug and healing words. She was even there for me. I was a little snot of a teenager but she always tried to make sure I knew someone cared about what happened to me and how I was feeling.” He glanced back at me. “You were kind of our family’s guardian angel, weren’t you?”

I snorted. “I wouldn’t go that far. When Bruce took me in, I was grieving the loss of my parents and in a lot of emotional pain. Sometimes the best way to heal yourself is to help other people,” I said. I patted his knee and looked back to Vicki. “I found another family with the Waynes and I'm grateful for it. Even if now the dynamic has been thrown for a loop.”

“True. I don’t know how to deal with her suddenly being the youngest. She was always the older and wiser,” Damian added, nudging me in the arm with his shoulder. The only time he talked like a normal person and didn’t tut every couple sentences was during press interviews.

Vicki chuckled. “So I'm guessing you’re still glad she’s back?”

“The whole family is ecstatic,” Damian said, almost dodging. “But of course I'm glad. Gotham is a dark place and it’s nice to have a little light back in it.”

“Aw. Thanks Damian,” I said, bumping his knee with mine.

“Now, Miss McCloud, you mentioned the loss of your parents. Do you intend to take your parents’ company back?”

I took a deep breath and huffed a sigh. “I think so,” I said. “I want to finish my degree, but I also want to do right by what my parents built and I want to make them proud. And I don’t see why I can’t run a company and finish my degree at the same time. It might take me longer but I could do it.”

“Of course you could,” Vicki agreed. “Did anyone tell you about the hack that leaked user information and a lot of… sensitive emails?” Translation: Do you know that a lot of people think your parents’ best friend and business advisor had an affair with your dad?

“No one told me, but I found it when I looked up how the company had been doing. Such a shame, really. My parents really wanted to make information leaks a thing of the past,” I said. Yeah I know but I'm better at this game than you and I'm not going to bring it up in this setting unless you do. “Hopefully I can accomplish that goal.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice?” Vicki looked back down at her notes. “Well, that’s all I have for you guys. If there’s anything more you’d like to say, now would be the time.”

“I’d like to say thank you for this,” I said. “There’s been a lot of rumors going around since I came back and all, and I think this is a really nice way to clear the air a little. Honestly it doesn’t feel like it’s been very long since I did one of these and yet everything has changed.”

“Except you,” Damian added. “You haven’t changed.”

I laughed. “Fair point,” I conceded.

Damian looked at Vicki. “I’ve said all I can say,” he said.

“Well then, thank you both for this, and I hope you have a lovely day.”

“Thank you, Ms. Vale,” I said, shaking her hand.

“No, thank you, Miss McCloud.”

Next

[yasbxxgie]

“Music is a cutthroat, disrespectful, low-life, motherfucking, crab-ass, lyin’, deceivin’, stab-you-in-the-back type of business, and that’s just the good part of it!” Darryl “DMC” McDaniels laughs (perhaps channeling Hunter S Thompson’s famous line about the record business). We’re discussing the Devastating Mic Controller’s autobiography Ten Ways Not to Kill Yourself, which he has also forcefully voiced as an audiobook.

It is a raw, revealing memoir which bleeds like a stab wound. “I’m an addict,” writes DMC, the man who rhymed so enduringly about the crack epidemic on Mary, Mary. “For most of my early life, I smoked and snorted and guzzled my way through almost every day.”

Lowering his booming voice a little, he adds: “If your soul is not right with what you’re doing, you will fall apart, like I did.”

When Eminem inducted Run-DMC into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2009, the second hip-hop group to make it after Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, he called them “something tough. Something dangerous. Something beautiful and something unique. They were the first movie stars of rap … they are the Beatles”.

“That’s crazy,” DMC tells me, friendly and loquacious, sitting in his New Jersey home. “Busta Rhymes said, ‘Run-DMC didn’t change music, they changed everything’.”

DMC, Joe “Run” Simmons and their DJ Jason “Jam Master Jay” Mizell were hip-hop’s first superstars. Between 1983 and 1988 the albums Run-DMC, King of Rock, Raising Hell and Tougher Than Leather unleashed classic tracks such as Hard Times, It’s Tricky, Proud to Be Black, Mary, Mary, and Walk This Way. (Later highlights include Ghostbusters and Bounce.) “Run-DMC were so exciting live,” Jurassic 5’s Chali 2na told me.

Despite all Run-DMC’s success, after Tougher Than Leather DMC collapsed into alcoholism, depression and OCD, as he increasingly lost his voice to spasmodic dysphonia, in which the larynx spasms during speech. For years, he recalls, he suffered suicidal thoughts. He had rising creative and personal conflicts with producer Russell Simmons, Jay and, especially, Run (“anal as hell”). His childhood friendship with Run degenerated into a dysfunctional business relationship. DMC felt hustled by Run’s pastor E Bernard Jordan. By 1997, he “avoided Run like a virus”. In Japan later that year, hawking remixes (one of which, Jason Nevins’s take on It’s Like That, was nevertheless an international smash, selling 5m copies), DMC “felt used, pimped and dirty … Milk this cow till there’s powdered music coming out the udders.”

When Ice-T asked Run how it was being top of the rap game, Run famously recalled an epiphany on excess – consuming the best of everything: presidential suites, women and drugs: “The ho’s knocking at the door. Rolling Stone’s behind the ho … I’m fuckin’ out of control.” DMC demurs: “I was never on it like him … Run and Jay smoked more weed than a Rastafarian god could grow.”

Around 2002 things came to a head when Jay was murdered in his Hollis recording studio, DMC discovered he was adopted, and his father died. Despite a serious bout of alcohol-induced pancreatitis years earlier, DMC surrendered to industrial-scale drinking, downing “case of 40s every day”. He had a fridge in his SUV. Even when walking anywhere, a guy in his crew carried around beer in a portable chiller.

DMC realised he had to get real about rehab. He also found counselling helpful. “Therapy is the most gangsta thing you can do,” he says. His ultimate salvation, though, was his wife Zury and his son Dson.

Raised Catholic but “enjoying a wild time on the road rather than worrying about my eternal soul”, DMC now believes a higher, personal power lives within all of us. “I don’t care what you wanna call god: Yahweh, Buddha, Almighty, Allah, whatever you wanna call her. I think God’s a woman ’cause my wife and mother are so cool.”

DMC is a Hillary Clinton supporter. “I’ve seen her, working in the community for foster kids. I fell in love with her ’cause she really cares about young people.” Clinton also reminds him of his mum. “Your mother can read bullshit, knows how to bring shit to order.”

He believes Run DMC’s last three albums were “really awful” – and The School of Old, featuring Kid Rock, on 2001’s Crown Royal certainly was – in striking contrast to the previous quartet, dedicated to uplifting America. This year DMC put out a single Flames (Unnecessary Bullets), a call to stop all the violence. Did he draw on Fred Hampton Jr’s message that “we don’t fight racism with racism. We fight racism with solidarity”? “Oh for sure. That’s absolutely what Flames is about.”

DMC is angry about police killing black people. “Those bullets should not have left the chambers.” He was moved by Dallas police chief David Brown’s “I’ll be loving you always” eulogy for his five murdered cops. “That was incredible!” he exclaims. He’s also impressed with Brown’s community policing approach, and that he has fired more than 70 sub-standard officers. “We’ve got to go through all of America’s precincts, one by one, and weed out all the bad weeds.”

He raises murders within African American communities, recounting a recent forum. “A young girl gets up and says: ‘Here’s the truth, DMC: when a white cop shoots a black kid that’s wrong, but when a black kid shoots another black kid that’s how it is in the hood.’ That hit me in the gut. I said ‘Damn, that’s the fight right there’. It goes deep: I remember when Jay got shot …”

Jay’s murder remains unsolved. Does DMC think anyone will ever be charged? “Nope. I really, really don’t think so,” he sighs. A 2012 New York Daily Newsarticle alleged people in Hollis know who did it, but are too scared to tell the police. “Yes, too scared.” He quotes the perspective of someone living in Hollis. “‘Jay travelled and they got Jay. I’ve got to live here everyday. I’ve got my wife and kids.’” DMC believes in an afterlife. “You will see Jay again,” he says, quoting the last line of Run-DMC’s Peter Piper. “You will. Right now he’s jamming in heaven with Biggie and Kurt Cobain.”

DMC says contemporary hip-hop is overwhelmed by mediocre rap. “So illiterate, so disrespectful, so negative. Here in America, you can be a motherfuckin’ fool, as long as you’re making money. If you get a young positive brother talking like a Chuck D or a KRS-One or a Rakim, America don’t want to hear from you. We need to go to these radio stations and say we don’t wanna just hear these same 10 records about sipping syrup, having sex and shooting motherfuckers.”

DMC argues that hip-hop should be more about self-esteem, self-respect and “the force of education”. As he does frequently during our interview, he busts out a burst of verse, words from Raising Hell’s closing track: “I’m proud to be black yo.”

He would love to see Public Enemy’s Chuck D shaking things up as a producer industry-wide. “A lot of motherfuckers would be fired. It would be a total re-haul in this music business. Ninety-nine percent of rap today is bad demos. It’s about responsibility. It’s not about censorship and freedom of speech. We let corporate America come in and exploit us, tell us how to do our own hip-hop. You get more money if you’re a knucklehead … In the 80s we challenged Reaganomics.”

Today, DMC is enjoying making music again. “I don’t need no substances.” He’s working on Coming Like a Rhino, a new track with Chuck D, which aims to cross Rebel Without a Pause and Time Bomb. “We’re about to put the foot of God in the ass of the industry, in all rappers to come, the rappers that are still in their fathers’ nuts. Let ’em know they don’t call Chuck the hard rhymer and DMC the King of Rock for nothing. I’m just 52. I’m not a fuckin’ senior citizen. Coming Like a Rhino’s not for recognition; not for sales. Just dope ass beats and dope ass rhymes. Ain’t nothing better than that.”

[uberff]

Chapter 11

Jaylen

I stared at my head in the mirror, while scratching the side of my beard that was struggling to grow. I had cut all my hair off and I wasn't used to it just yet. It was gone have to grow on me. It was a lil too hot for curls so that shit had to go.  

Cutting the light off in the bathroom, I walked into my room only to see Kayla sitting down on my bed. I hope she got them results. I had no problem with taking care of a child, but I wasn't bout to be out here fathering a kid that ain't even mines. Fuck I look like?

"You got the results?"

"Jaylen-"

"Man, you got them or not? I tried being nice to you but you played a nigga so that shit out the picture. If you ain't got em, fuck out my spot."

"Look Jaylen, I have no help around here and the baby could actually be yours." Did y'all hear the key word in that sentence? Could. Word of the day.

"Could not is." I was done with that nice shit. She chuckled before standing up in front of me.

"So it's like that, huh?" She looked me in the eyes.

"Look Kayla, you ain't bout to sit here and act like this shit all on me. Like I just fucked you and dipped out, cause that ain't even the case. You the one that decided to fuck two niggas at the same time, so now you gotta figure this shit out. I don't even have to explain shit to you, so until you get them results don't even bother making a fucking appearance to my crib. Get out."

She looked at me one last time before leaving. I really need to start locking my door.

I was mad because she lied. That's what I hate the most. A fucking liar. Once you lie to me it's like I lost all respect for you cause it's like, why lie? I ain't nobody. All is ask for is a motherfucker to keep it real but I see that's too much.

I got my hopes up, got excited all for nothing.

I shook my head and took my phone out to call O. He always answered.

"Where you at?"

"Nigga you know I'm at the crib."

"Come to mines."

I wasn't trying to go over there, because I was tryna keep shit how it was over these few months when I wasn't fucking with Robyn. If I saw her, I know I'd give in.

I wasn't trying to fall back into her shit again. I was tired of it. This why I don't even be tying to fuck with females on that level, cause once they got my heart.. it's like it's hard to leave they ass alone. I wanted her to get a taste of her own fucking medicine.

"You the one that want my advice nigga." I sighed before hanging up in his face because he was honestly being difficult for no fucking reason. Hated this ugly ass nigga.

When I walked in, I seen Rob and Winter watching Love and Hip Hop on the couch. Let me hurry up and go talk to O.

"What you need?" He asked as I opened his door. He was on his laptop.

"I'm going through it bro." A smirk immediately spread across his face and I looked away shaking my head.

"Nah I'm playing. Wassup foo'?"

"Man these fucking females too fucking much."

"As for Kayla? Don't even worry about it, that baby ain't yours. I know you was excited and shit, but maybe this a lesson. You got plenty of time to be thinking bout kids. Fuck that hoe."

"You right."

"And Robyn? Follow ya heart bruh, that's all I can really say."

"That's how you get ya feelings hurt." I sighed, taking off my hat to scratch my head.

"That's life. You can't avoid that shit forever Jay." He shrugged, as I stood up letting his words sink in. I didn't know if I was agreeing with what he was saying yet.

"I'm bout to go paint. I haven't in a minute." I opened the door and as soon as I turned into the corner, I bumped heads with Robyn. Literally.

"Hi Jaylen." She smiled weakly.

"What is it?" I sighed, leaning against the wall. I knew O was being nosey.

"What was that?" I know she was referring to when I was in her shit. She ain't ever had no shit like that. That was just a warm up.

"Nothing, don't think too much of it."

"So you're just gonna leave me h-"

"You mean like how you left me after you kissed me like it wasn't shit? Like how you left me and just cut me off just cause ya nigga felt threatened by me? Like when you left the hospital and went to go fuck him while I was damn near dying? Like that?" I started to refresh her memory. And what she do? Stand here with a dumb ass look on her face. Usually that look would make a nigga weak, but nah.

She was as quiet as a mouse.

At first, I wasn't even as pissed off as I am now. What had me even more tight was how she saying all this sweet shit to me and spending time with a nigga telling me she was single, then the next minute she constantly visiting King Kong in jail. Fuck you visiting him for? I couldn't even get a visit until hours later when she was done fuckin' him.

The more I thought about it, the more I wasn't tryna fuck wit her. Why go all above and beyond for somebody that won't do the same for me?

I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed that she had just walked away, going towards her room with her head down.

"Jaylen.. she feels terrible, you don't have to be so hard o-" Winter started to say as she walked up to me.

"Hard? That ain't shit, I can show you hard." Shit, I thought I was being fair.

"Seriously Jaylen.. I think you hurt her feelings. She really wants to work things out."

"Ain't nobody being hard and I don't care if I hurt her feelings. You don't think mines were hurt? Fuck outta here. We talkin' bout a woman that I was starting to love and you know Ion even give hoes my time. She was a special woman in my life next to my ma so when she pulled that fake shit, it fucking hurt."

Winter started to speak but I was honestly tuning her ass out. What she know about relationships? Her and O be into it every week.

My boy was never wrong though. His words instantly started to replay in my head.

Follow ya heart.

Robyn

Next Day

I was sitting outside of the front door in the hallway, because I had lost my key for the 100th time. Which was tragic because I was supposed to be at a Fashion Show 30 minutes ago. My outfit that I literally stayed up all night finishing is in my damn closet. Right know I have on a sports bra and shorts and that ain't gone work. Things never go as planned with me.

I don't know where the hell O was, because he wasn't answering his stupid phone. I didn't wanna call his coach while he was in practice because I've done that plenty of times and it's annoying.

Sighing lowly, I rested my head on top of my knees.

"This is your fault." I heard a familiar voice next to me. I rose my head up and seen Kayla coming out of Jaylen's place. I didn't have time for her today.

"Girl please, you got what you wanted. Were you not the one always texting Kai's phone asking for a baby? And you knew he was with me? Karma's a bitch." I rolled my eyes, waving her off. This was her fault not mines.

"If you wanna get mad at someone, then get mad at Kai. There were times when y'all would argue and he'd ask to come spend a night at my place. And girl he made sure to give me some loving every time. Whenever we went on business trips, where was he? In my gut-" before she could even finish that disrespectful ass sentence, I started beating the shit out of her. Sending blow after blow to her face because I knew I couldn't hit her any where else.

"Kay- Robyn what the hell?!" I heard Jaylen yell out as he ran over to us. He tried to pull me off of her, but I wasn't letting up. She pissed me off to the max.

"Let me go!" I yelled as more people started coming out.

"Get her off of me!"

Jaylen had managed to pull me off of her, throwing me over his shoulder in the process. He walked into his condo and slammed the door behind him. After begging him to put me down for forever, he pushed me down on the couch.

"You scratched the shit out my damn face!" He touched the side of his face as blood appeared on his fingers. I instantly started to feel like shit.

"I'm so sorry! Let me clea-"

"That's ai-"

"No! Sit down and let me help what I caused!" I yelled at him. He looked at me like I was crazy but eventually did as I told him.

When I came back with the essentials that I needed, I sat next to him, putting my leg on his lap because this half couch wasn't that big.

He stared at my every move as I went into doctor mode, making me a bit nervous. "What are you thinking about?"

"How someone as innocent as you just May-weathered a pregnant lady a few minutes ago like it was nothing." He said, followed by laughter. I felt bad because she was pregnant, but at the same time, she should've never came for me.

"I'm not a fighter at all, but she was asking for it by telling me a bunch of bullshit."

"What she say?" He questioned, looking directly into my eyes. I stopped focusing on him, and started to open the bandage.

"I'd rather not sa-"

"Just say it." I was too embarrassed to.

"She came out your place saying this whole thing was my fault and then I had an attitude with her and she's was like if I should be mad at Kai and not her because he was the one that would always go to her whenever we were arguing and whenever I didn't wanna have sex with him, he'd just have it with her," I started to play with my fingers before continuing.

"And I know it's true because whenever we'd argue he'd be gone for hours, and whenever I didn't wanna have sex, he'd be mad but once he came back he'd be calm as hell." I shook my head, biting my lip down hard to keep from crying. How could I be so stupid?

Jaylen broke me out of my thoughts by grabbing my chin and picking my head up. "Don't let that shit phase you. If anything, it should only make you stronger. Don't be blaming ya self neither, all that shit was on him. If he couldn't appreciate you, fuck him." He assured me, like always. I swear he always knew what to say.

"I missed you so much, Jaylen." I embraced him in a hug, taking in his scent of Armani. I found it sweet that he still wore it around me. I bought it for him as a gift.

Those 8 months without talking to Jaylen were honestly hell. I didn't want to admit it, but they were. Jaylen was someone that made my day every time I spoke to him, just by being in his presence. I didn't think he'd ever want to talk to me by the way he was acting.

"I missed you too.." he sighed, pulling squeezing me tighter. After minutes of just enjoying each other's presence, he pulled away from the hug.

"How you been? I heard everything was sold out on your website within 30 minutes." He asked, while pulling my thighs onto his lap making a smile appear on my face.

"I've been okay and yea.. that was a blessing. What about you though? What you been up to?"

"Nothing cause I been helping Kayla out, so I ain't had time to actually do anything."

"Wanna teach me how to paint?"

"I paint on my walls and you ain't bout to fuck them up." I gave him that look that always seemed to work and he sucked his teeth, looking the other way.

"Fine, come on spoiled ass." He waited for me to move my legs so he could get up. Standing up, he led us down to his basement. He had Her Way by PartyNextDoor blasting down here. These walls must've been sound proof.

When I looked around, there were paintings literally every where. You could tell all of them had a meaning behind them.

Me being curious, I asked him about literally every painting as he explained every little detail to me. From what it meant, everything he used, his inspiration for it, how long it took, everything. Jaylen was very talented. Maybe we could combine our work one day.

"Is that me?" I gasped, looking at the painting that he failed to hide in the corner. It was a painting of a woman with a similar face and body to mines, with her legs open and inside of her legs looked like what Heaven what look like. Like a peaceful, beautiful kingdom that was shining in gold.

Jaylen stood behind me, as his face started to resemble a tomato. "You wasn't supposed to see that." He smiled, looking down at his shoes. He's blushing!

"Why?" I pinched his cheeks as he slapped my hands away.

"Thought you'd think I was a creep or some shit." He shrugged. I actually found it very interesting.

"Not at all, I love it. When'd you make it?"

"The morning I left after I fucked the shit outta you." He said, making me choke on the water that I was drinking.

I heard no lie in that sentence. I honestly see why Jaylen had so many females chasing after him. I couldn't even be mad at him after experiencing him for myself. He'd make a bitch hide in his damn bushes stalking him after giving them the pipe.

No wonder Kayla was trying to pin that damn baby on him.

"So what does it mean?" I asked, changing the subject a bit.

"It means pussy is power. You see how I swore I wasn't gone fuck with you, but here we are right now. You got that affect on me and I hate that shit so I took my frustration out by painting that."

"You hate it? Why?"  

"Hell yea! Cause you be getting me so tight sometimes and if I even look at you, a nigga'll fall right back under ya spell. Shit's crazy." He shook his head, holding onto the locket chain he had with his mother's picture in it.

"I'm still mad at you to be honest. I'm trying to get over it, but I just can't. I felt played, Rob. You special as fuck to me so I thought you'd drop that punk ass nigga in a heart beat. If one of my hoes even laid a finger on you, I promise they'd be dead cause that's how heavy I fuck wit you."

"And you have every right to be, Jay. There's really nothing else I could say other than I'm sorry. I was being stupid because I had got so used to having him around that I didn't want to be alone. I promise you, he isn't even in the picture anymore. It's sad that it took me forever to leave him alone after he almost killed you, and I'm truly sorry for that. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me." I sincerely apologized as he started to stare at me again, not saying anything.

He looked at my thighs, and within a second his hands were tugging at my baby blue shorts. "Let me taste you." I slowly sat back on the table the we were in front of and opened my legs for him to do what he asked, but before he could even move, he looked off for a bit before shaking his head.

"Nah.. nah we can't be doing this shit. We friends." He said sternly as I scrunched up my face.

"Friends?" I sat up.

"Yea, best friends. What else you want me to say?"

"Are you sears?"

"When have I ever lied?" He rose one of his perfectly arched eyebrows.

"Jaylen how you expect us to be friends after you just put it down like that. Ain't no way."

"Just act like it never happened. You trying to watch a movie?" How he gone change the subject like that? Whatever.

"Scary movie?" I suggested. He hated those and so did I but why not?

"Fuck no I just smoked a fatty, so I'm gone be in this bitch hallucinating."

"I guess we'll just watch The Notebook." I shrugged as I heard him suck his teeth.

"Buggin'. Don't nobody wanna watch no romantic shit." He said, lying his head back.

"Just watch it, ugly." I put the movie in and waited to press play. Afterwards, I proceeded back to my spot on the couch and grabbed the blanket on the side of Jaylen.

"If this shit boring, we fighting." He got comfortable, pulling me closer to him so we could share the blanket.

**

We were 30 minutes into the movie, and Jaylen was already fast asleep with his fingers still interlocked with mine. They had been like this since the movie started.

I didn't want to him to sleep here on the couch and get a crook in his neck due to how uncomfortable he looked.

One hand was holding mine and the other was in his pants. I smiled and shook him softly. He's gunna beat my ass when I wake him up. It's either we get comfortable or he wakes up looking like Benzino with no neck. I climbed onto his lap and poked at his freckles with my free hand since the other was in his death grip.

He started dodging my finger with an annoyed look on his face. He was slightly awake, pretending to still be engaged in the movie just because he knew I liked it. It was cute. "Jaylen, let's go upstairs." I mumbled with my face inches from his. "I'm sleep, I ain't dead. Get the hell." he mushed my face and stood tall with my hand still in his. "Lead the way, if I do we going rolling down these damn steps." he mumbled and I smiled, following his directions. You could hear the soft R&B playing from his room, inches away. Fun fact: his room always had some love vibes going on.

I led him to his room and laid him down on the bed and covered him with his comforter. I turned on my heels to leave but his voice stopped me. "You just gon' put me to sleep and dip?" I smirked and about-faced so I was looking at him again.

"Jaylen, you're tired and so am I. I'm just gunna head home. Hopefully O's there now."

"Nah, issa spot next to me with ya name on it." he patted his bed and I sighed, walking towards him. How thoughtful. What are friends for, right? I'm salty as shit.

I threw my body on the bed next to him and he laughed before pulling me into his arms and kissing my temple. "You big mad or little mad?" his eyes were low, either from him being fatigue or high as a bitch. It was very attractive nonetheless.

"I'm not mad."

"Yes you is, nigga. You wanted ya cat ate by ya bestie. Don't nobody do it better, huh?"

"Stop."

He pulled me on top of him and unbuttoned my pants, sliding my panties to the side. His thick ass middle finger began to fondle my throbbing clit and I let out an airy moan. "Jaylen, I want the full version. Not a tease." he ignored me and kissed my lips, holding me tight around my waist with the hand that wasn't drenched. Feeling me tense up and start squirming with low moans made him go faster. I followed the pace of his finger and came hard. I tried to scream out in pleasure but he bit my lips.

"Shit felt good, huh?" he mumbled with my bottom lip in his mouth. I nodded with my eyes on his. He never stopped circling his finger around my clit. My legs were shaking non-stop. He was torturing me. "I gotta question and I need an answer."

"What!" I screamed when he finally released my lip and let me cum for the second time with little to no movement on his end.

"Why you love bothering the fuck outta me when you know in ya heart that you don't want me?" he asked sincerly.

"I don't want someone who doesn't want me."

"You dumber than I thought if you think I ain't been plotting on you since a week after I've known you. I just ain't make no move because I respected ya half ass relationship."

"What about before my relationship?"

"You keep bringing this shit up. Shut the fuck up 'bout that, you was saving ya cheeks and wasn't tryna give me none. I called a cheerful giver and fucked her. Get over it, that don't change how I feel about you, Robyn Hood."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around his torso. He smirked and licked his finger that he massaged me with. "I have a question for you."

"You already know I'ma keep it a buck."

"How do you feel about me?" I asked playing wiith his cleanly shaved head.

He rubbed my back in circles and sighed. "I can't get no pass on this?"

"yOU aLReADy kNoW I'mA keEp iT a bUck." I mocked him and he slapped my ass hard as fuck to retort back.

"Shit!" I moaned and he smiled. "Can I get an answer?"

"Man, you aight." his cheeks started to heat up and I shook my head. "Jaylen."

"Aight fine. You important, only female I see my Momma in. I care about you even though you pull some fuck shit every other day. You beautiful, annoying, adorable, dorky all in one. Just one of a kind, Robyn."

"Just say it." I said with tears in my eyes. He froze before shrugging. "Fuck it."

"I love you-" I crashed my lips into his before he could finish and he deepened it with his freaky ass and added some tongue.

Promise by Jagged Edge played in the background and set the scene perfect. A single tear fell from my eye and I let it fall.

Finally.

Just before the moment could get any better, Jaylen's phone had started ringing. He ignored it, as he helped me out of my clothes while he hovered over me.

Just as I started to reach for his belt, it started ringing again, making me sigh. Guess I wasn't getting any tonight.

"Bro damn." He sighed, frustratedly snatching his phone off of the nightstand.

"Yo," he answered, trying to play with my middle as he focused on whoever he was on the phone with at the same time.

"So who the dad?" He asked, stopping for a little bit. I sighed and pulled my panties back on. This bitch was always ruining something.

"They in the mail?" He hung up after she said whatever she said and rushed to the living room. I followed after him and watched his search through the mail that was plastered across his table.

Once he found what he was looking for, he opened the envelope and started to read the papers. Within seconds, he had dropped the papers while his mouth was in the form of an O.

"It's yours?" I questioned as he just gave me a look before going out to the patio.

I hope that wasn't a yes.  

[freeworldallahmbaclass]

My page is drama free and it is for all communities and people that need that help I want to apologize to any people that I have disrespected if I ever did sorry to the Muslims and Muslims community worldwide I respect you peaceful religion like the human decency it make men out of crazy people like me and the trading and getting along with all humans from all backgrounds is the right way I said thank you for everything and I apologize to the social media family people on social media disregard the lies that was spread through me for the last 10 years it's okay all my friends and family is doing okay and great in their career very great in their career go check their stuff out good music art and businesses and yeah shout out to the homies the bloods From Blue Ivy and Beyonce they always been some friends of mines we had our fights but now we are okay so shout out to them in honor of Beyonce and Blue Ivy their daughter sending me a shout out and the heart sign on stage in Paris ❤️ from Paris with love to me and in honor of my niece Erin Henry birthday you see her give her a hug and Happy Birthday to her from Jay Z and Beyonce and their daughter Blue Ivy thank you happy birthday to her right now she is safe and I promise I will keep this page with the integrity of helping only for the suffering and depressed communities across the world and drama free I wish everybody good luck in their career .

Congratulations to me with tears in my eyes on Jay Z selecting me in the draft see Joe Montana Joe Cool documentary number 16 my number and Beyonce confirming it they finally got her to do that for me thank you so much B love Allen London Chico and all my names thank you so much and you won't forget it for giving me a chance in life thank you so much how much people can say that they got Beyonce and Jay Z a chance to record music and perform music and then to be where I'm at I'm blessed truly God is good thank you so much and I love Joel Osteen my favorite preacher in honor of this news I'm going to be on my best behavior and you won't regret it for giving me another chance on life thank you Jay Z and Beyonce and shout out to Houston I know Vaughn and Lenny is jealous now I could buy 100 Silver Jaguars your car aight too no lie the traffic we rode through smooth we went to 7 Eleven the store and got some snacks we all had a good time it was something like Vaughn didn't have his truck the green truck or something like that and Lenny said I will drive him back all the way back to Baytown Texas so we got in the car on that road trip it was fun I miss Texas those my boys shout out to Baytown and Houston Texas my fam out there my family still out there I'm going out there soon I promise myself that like next year .

Until that comeback I was just a rumor shout out to Cardi B what's up with your next album I can't wait for it I know it's going to be the best album of the year I love your music and your style and wish you the best of luck officially out of your way and yeah thanks for the book 📚 I see you helped me with that Donald Trump book that was deep because I know my self worth now and how much work I got left to do on myself now , thanks and good luck .

The Royalty and family my years as a young king 👑 album

Royalty and family my years as a young king album ( Is the diamonds is my mood forever video Jay Z and Beyonce theme and conceptual album / mixtape ) it is like the court of royalty me being a king and sitting on a throne and listening to the grievances of the people , Jay Z and Beyonce is the King and Queen that gave me the Co sign and the new chance in life to get it together and I'm taking it and running with it , self executive produced and I'm the lead actor in the lead role as shorty from the Diamonds is my mood forever video I'm clean shining and sparkling doing the damn thing as a king 👑 in my city 🏙️ New York City and internationally I'm black royalty according to the album and animated series related to Jay Z and Beyonce this is a great album I want it to be cinematic and entertaining with alot of big songs and sounds is on there it is Watch the throne and unfinished business and best of both worlds all rapped into that Royalty and family album it's a keeper I like the concept of it the idea is hot and I love the leading role yeah I'm doing it I feel great about it and have only happy thoughts about the project wish me luck .

I'm that one in a million that wins his second chance at life and second stage a true American idol story they cry when presented with their gift of that chance on stage I said thank you to Jay Z and Beyonce they took me on for his roc nation record label and Tidal music streaming service a digital service provider I will get out to it when I get to it I just want my critics off of me they are ungrateful and evil and I said yeah to Jay Z and Beyonce no lie I parted ways with people from Harlem parted ways with Vado his music hot though I love it go check that out but we moved on from each other from family and friends they could move on from me and let's go our own and enjoy our own careers I'm from Brooklyn but I don't know nobody out here no more or the Bronx and Queens I just wanted other people that work for other teams to back off of me and stop hating on me I mean everything got my name on it and is named after me in my image and likeness and I sign the common person money on their check for them and won New York City politically by building it and helping see my list of New York City accomplishments and all my other accomplishments on my other lists and yeah I retire from social media this is my last post I know I'm good and no thank you to my enemies attaching themselves to me and being able to get my services then try to throw dirt on my name and work to sabotage me they can stop following me anywhere I go and harassing me and stop heckling me and go away I thank it has been a pleasure helping the people of New York and the world music and business is next for me and I'm taking my time getting to it ain't no rush plus I get my life back from people that always hated me and I get to love myself and write and think for myself . I had to cancel working in teams and go it alone I said no to public controlling me they set you up all the time then try to get their favorites to set it off on me because I'm a star ⭐ so I'm letting Beyonce know that I ain't working with nobody from my past in Harlem New York City and no I didn't ask anybody in Brooklyn help or any other borough help I help them though I help this community but I don't want people attaching themselves to me telling me what to do or sabotage me and no to the media all channels of you guys they are racist if it wasn't for West Indians I would be dead I'm lucky they work where In at so no to the programs that isn't Jay Z and Beyonce program I know it because I'm the one they talking too and living it out so I will teach and train myself no disrespect to any one I'm good .

[freed-o-lay]

So, here’s an OC I whipped up in the past year or so. I’ve been holding him back from the internet for a while, but I think he’s finally ready. I made his images in The Sims 4, so the first tags are for the custom content and the poses I used to credit them. I will also have credits to the creators at the end of the post.

Here’s links to my other two currently released characters if you wanna check them out too!

Joshua “Josh” Fischer

Blaine Westwood

Christopher “Chris” Harris

General

Name: Robert Jay Westwood

Nicknames: Robby (previously)

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Birthday: December 11

Astrological Sign: Sagittarius

Physical

Hair color: Black (dyed), dirty blond (natural)

Eye color: Golden amber

Height: 5’ 10”

Build: Lean, muscular

Personal

Love interest: Joshua “Josh” Fischer

Family: 

Delilah Westwood (mother)

Jay Morrison (biological father)

Jonathan Westwood (step father)

Blaine Westwood (identical twin brother)

Friends: 

Blaine Westwood 

Joshua “Josh” Fischer

Christopher “Chris” Harris 

Chase Stone

Edmund “Ned” Robinson 

Ophelia Fitzgerald 

Jackson “Jack” Sampson 

Hunter Hill

Career

Occupation: Student, retail worker (Hot Topic and Spencer’s)

Affiliation: Apple Brook High

Personality

Robert is loud and extroverted by nature when he is comfortable, but is quiet and reserved when he is not comfortable with people/situations. He has very deep seeded self-esteem issues, and believes that he will turn out like his biological father. He has issues with authority figures, especially adult men. He has extreme anger issues, which makes him violent and unpredictable in nature, especially if he doesn’t attempt to control them. He generally can be seen as hard to get along with by his classmates. He is seen as a “force that shouldn’t be reckoned with” by his classmates, who are often intimidated by his violent personality and seemingly brooding persona.

In reality, Robert is very caring and compassionate person, especially those he loves and is close to. He is incredibly protective of them, and would literally do anything he had to to keep them safe. Basically stated, he’s the “bad boy who actually is very kind at heart”. He is very sympathetic towards those who have been/are in abuse situations like he was. He is passionate about what he loves.

He is addicted to smoking cigarettes (has been since he was 11), and used to battle with other drug abuse problems.

He never intentionally treats Joshua (his boyfriend) with any disrespect and is very kind and compassionate towards him. He is probably most loving towards him of everyone he knows. He just wants to treat this boy the way he believes he deserves, which is like royalty.

Appearance

He is naturally dirty blond, but has his hair and eyebrows dyed black. His hair is short, with long bangs that cover his left eye. His eyes are a golden amber color. He has no facial hair, and shaves daily to rid of it. He has several piercings (one on his right eyebrow, gauges in both ears and snake bites). He has freckles, and a strong jaw. He is seen as very handsome and mysterious by most around him since he does carry this bad boy demeanor and image. He often hunches in on himself, a habit to make himself less noticeable by others.

He is rarely seen without his leather jacket in public, unless he has to dress up, or he let Josh wear his jacket. He wears shirts that fit tighter to his body, most having graphics dirty in nature, and almost all being dark colors like black and red. He also usually wears distressed and torn black skinny jeans and black converse.

History

Born in San Francisco, California to Delilah Johnson and Jay Morrison on December 11

Previously lived with his biological father, Jay Morrison, a mentally ill, abusive gang leader of “Las Rosas de los Muertos”

At age 13, father was arrested the first time and went to live with foster family

Was taken from foster family by father at age 16, with his father having intentions of finding Robert’s twin brother and taking him as well

Came to live with his mother, stepfather and identical twin brother in their expensive mansion after his father’s plans had gone awry and he was arrested again in Apple Brook

Currently living the very upper class life, and is kind of uncomfortable with it

Relationships

Josh- Love at first sight. They quickly begin to date.

Blaine- Twin brother. They have a very much love-hate relationship

Chris- Friends pretty quickly since he is Blaine’s boyfriend and Josh’s best friend

Chase- Acquaintances through Blaine since Blaine and Chase are best friends. Thinks he’s cool

Ned- Quick friends after a certain incident

Ophelia- Acquaintances through Blaine and Josh

Jack- Acquaintances through Ned and Ophelia

Hunter- Acquaintances through Ned and Jack

Fun Facts

Lives in Apple Brook, Massachusetts, a little town outside of Boston

Right handed

Smokes a lot, but actually never smokes in front of Josh in fear of scaring him away

Favorite color: Black

Will easily fight anyone and snap their neck in two seconds if they set him off the right way

Extremely protective of those he cares about, and is extremely possessive and protective over Josh

Listens more than talking for a while, but once he becomes extremely comfortable, he will crack jokes and tease and make lots of playful friendly remarks

Has a very good platonic relationship with Chris. They relate a lot to each other

Favorite food is any dairy product, which is ironic since Josh is severely lactose intolerant

Favorite genre of music is classic rock-n-roll, especially the King himself (Elvis Presley). Guilty pleasure is Britney Spears and Cascada music

Proud owner of a Black Mustang (eventually). Does not love his car as much as Blaine loves his though

Favorite types of movies are horror movies, and insists on watching them with Josh, who hates them to death. Guilty pleasure TV includes reality TV, like The Bachelor and Keeping up with the Kardashians

Almost always sleeps shirtless, and sleeps half the time nude or only in boxers. Never wears socks to bed. Insists on sleeping on the left side of the bed always

Awkward romantic type. He wants to be smooth and romantic like Blaine is with Chris and organize nice perfect dates, but instead he can only plan small dates and sessions of Netflix and chill that result in Netflix never even being turned on

Thinks Josh is the cutest thing when he dresses down or wears his glasses and/or Robert’s clothes. He thinks he’s cute regardless, but seeing him dress down is like seeing his guard down and his bit of remaining innocence and naivety

Is okay with rumors about him killing a man

A+ liar, except when he's lying to Josh or Chris. He can’t lie to Josh and Chris sees right through his bullshit. Also A+ at pickpocketing because his dad made him do it a lot as a child

Hates dressing formal, but Josh loves seeing him in formal wear, so he will more willingly wear it to get attention from Josh

Secretly good with children. He is a child magnet for some reason

So, thank you for reading about my character! I’ll start to release the other characters over time if his is well received.

Custom content credits:

Onebillionpixels- cigarette accessory

Kijiko- Hair

Haneco- Smoking poses

Remussirion- Eyes

Sojaytay- Jacket

Pralinesims- Piercings

Angissi- ‘Hey Dude’ pose pack

Studio K Creation- Facial scar

GODJUL1- Height slider

[thefirstmate-archived]

☠️ | tag dump

[showupgoupla]

A Rough Personal Guide to Alt Shows & Scene Building in Standup Comedy

By Jay Whitecotton

Very little edited by Al Bahmani

Author’s Note:

First and foremost – Feel free to dismiss everything you read here. I only wrote this as a reminder for myself. Comedy is wide open and an industry built on the illusion that what people do and how far they’ve gone is actually a thing.

Also – whenever something becomes obvious or overplayed – like jokes themselves – audiences become immune to it.

The whole industry is in constant change and nothing is forever.

Rule 1:

Only Promote Things Worth Promoting

It’s your word on the line and if you send people to shitty open mics, overpriced venues or blah events – they will never trust your recommendation again and also – think less of standup.

There’s a reason people will walk into a bar show – see the event and say “Ugh – its comedy night, are you sure you wanna stay?” – it’s because terrible comics who only care about getting their name out are working in unison with terrible bar owners whose only goal is to con comics and people to go into their shit hole to buy drinks.

Comedy is the greatest thing ever. Laughter, jokes, it’s in almost every form of entertainment. However, it’s also the most disrespected. (seriously The Martian wins a Golden Globe for Best Comedy? Fuck You Too Hollywood)

If your approach to doing standup is to ‘Fake It, Til You Make It’ please just go ahead and kill yourself now. You are the salt poured on the earth that stops any real growth.

Rule 2:

Put Comedy Ahead of Your Ego

If you put comedy ahead of yourself, refuse to allow the self-satisfaction that always becomes complacency and avoid pandering to get cheap laughs because you need to feel like a winner – you will get better at it and your act, in turn will propel you forward.

If you choose to believe in your greatness, act like you’re too good to talk and thank an audience post-show, or treat comics as lesser people or as just avenues to get rides to your merch table event – well – you might get some local success, but eventually you’ll suffocate on your own inflated ego and succumb to the graveyard that is teaching defensive driving.

Allow yourself to suffer a lil bit ya fuck. Entitlement kills art.

Also – Keep this in mind – you deserve nothing, You are owed nothing. People worse and better than you will always get opportunities they don’t deserve. That’s fine. Nobody – no one – deserves anything so just do the work. 

Take satisfaction in making things better, improving yourself and don’t sweat what other people do on stage. That’s their business. Do that and you’ll put yourself in way better position to succeed than trying to create substance out of hype. 

Let hype naturally form from actual substance. Do the work you lazy piece of shit.

Rule 3:

Venue and Atmosphere Are Everything.

Before producing your own show make a checklist. What is the perfect set up for standup comedy? You’d be surprised how many people don’t even bother to deal with this. The venue is almost the single biggest difference between success and failure. An ok show in a subpar venue would’ve been an amazing show in the right venue.

Intimate Room: Find something that can seat 50 people comfortably, 80 people packed to capacity, but if 15 people show up it still feels like a good worthwhile show.

 Room dynamics affects the quality of shows and future turnouts. It is everything. For instance – if you have 5 round top tables – DO NOT line up the back of the room with them because you think you need more single chairs up front. 

People instinctively don’t want to be anywhere near the comedy and prefer tables. Unfortunately, sitting far away makes it harder for audience and performer to connect, so put small tables up front as a way to encourage people to be close to the show. 

This will also ensure that they have a great time while making your event feel more full. Trust me – when people in the audience see an empty front row – even if the show is packed – they still feel like it’s a blah event in the back of their head. I don’t know psychology, but I know this to be true.

During room set up try making it a point to sit in every chair. Can you comfortably see the stage?

Separate From The Bar: This is hard to find, but if you can get it jump on it. You want a show room dedicated to comedy. It forces the audience to be people dedicated to the show and for those who are not – can leave and drink or fuck around outside the show at their leisure. 

Putting on bar shows suck because you are constantly having to deal with walk-ins who only came to hang with friends, play darts, etc. Plus nothing is worse than a margarita machine killing a punchline. This drastically kills shows and people’s ability to enjoy comedy.

Staging: sparse, tasteful, cheap. You can do all of these with some cleverly arranged dark king sized bed sheets and Christmas lights. A stage should give elevation, but not uncomfortable to view and a soft LED light positioned close up top can get the job done. You want dark, you want intimate. Watch out for comics who step out of the light complaining they can’t see the audience. Yeah – that’s the point. Hit your mark and learn to tell jokes that don’t require crowd work. If no one is responding to you – focus on the craft and your performance. Not on “What’s your name, what do you do?” Little candles around the room are a nice, cheap, and effective mood maker.

Also – try to avoid long shotgun style set ups. Where the stage is at the end of essentially a long hallway. This creates focus issues and encourages more talk at the back of the room plus isolation from the performer. Set the stage in a way you can half circle chairs around the comic and you’ll be able to ensure a better chance of intimacy.

Sound: Holy shit do people ignore this. Yes – you need a mic and a PA. What the fuck are you doing without this? No – it can't be rink-a-dink. Voices need to command and cut through. Rule of thumb I find works best is put your treble up, scoop your mid down a bit – then raise the bass according to the room dynamic. 

Nothing too boomy, but nothing too tinny either. Take your time and teach yourself the difference. This will save your ass every time.

Walk around the room during the performance. Can everyone hear? Sound changes when  a room is filled with a crowd laughing. 

Are the speakers placed in a way so the front row isn’t cringing while the back is struggling to hear? (again – intimate room solves this almost always)

Seats: up close. Tables up front. Single chairs in the middle – high tops around the back edges. (see intimate room)

Temperature: avoid warm, avoid hot. Slight chill keeps people alert, laughing, and drinking (ie loosening up enough to laugh)

Location and Parking: find a place where people would want to go. Good bar, designated smoking patio, and safe parking. If it’s too far or outa the way people won’t bother to ‘make the trek’. All this is pretty much based on individual cities. 

Some places 15-minute drives are considered nightmares while other places view them as the short-cuts. DO NOT just choose a place because it’s got people always going there. 

If there’s a mass of people annoyed that a comedy show is invading their environment it makes for a hard time, kills growth and makes you look like a tool.

During Shows: Don’t open doors if you can help it til 15 minutes before show time. Let them chill and socialize at the bar (if you have a separate room). Have someone work the door and seat people. Have upbeat music playing before and after the show. Keep it lit, but lower down to dark when the show starts. Basic shit people forget. Play music when the show is over. Do it asap as silence is creepy when the show ends. Other comics – volunteer for this shit. Act like you care. Also POLICE THE ROOM. If someone gets outta hand heckling. Kick them out politely and immediately. Be kind about it – we’ve all been drunk, but use it as an opportunity to train the audience on how to be an audience.

Rule 4:

Approaching Venues.

Found a place that fits most your criteria? Choose the best night for everyone. Talk to management. Make no promises that you’ll have immediate crowds, but explain what you want to do and willing to spend a year developing it. Don’t look for money and don’t accept a shitty Monday night because most bars will cancel events around Monday Night Football. If you take money out of the equation you have more control and freedom to run your show the right way. However if you prove yourself to the venue over time, you can possibly negotiate some cash to cover your promos. Just don’t expect the bar to help out or do it for you.

Bar/venue management is in constant flux and the greed factor is amazing. Especially when a new manager comes in all ‘swinging dick’ thinking he can tweak things.

It’s important to know that no matter how successful your show is – venues only want the ability to not think about that particular night. The freedom to focus on the chaotic hell that is operating an actual business. If you take all responsibility out of their hands except the night being guaranteed yours for a set period of time – you avoid most of the potential hassles. Far biggest is the one where we expect the venue to support with a crowd and then slack off on our own promotions.

That said – finding a place that will treat you right from the start with food and a tab is a goddamn treasure.

Build it first then get the bar/venue behind it. If you can’t build it without their help you probably weren’t ever going to anyway.  Be honest, direct, and make sure you get a lot of time to make it a thing.

It takes forever to do this proper.

Rule 5:

Know Your Audience & Have Good Taste

People want to drink, fuck, and possibly smoke. That’s the first thing you have to accept. Seeing a comedy show is rarely first. There’s a reason it’s called Netflix and Chill as opposed to ‘See sad people talk about their failings and Chill’. There’s a lot of competing forms of entertainment and if you want people to see comedy (especially local) you’re going to have to make it special and worthwhile. It also requires like-minded people and talent. This is where taste and direction are absolutely important. You’re going to have to decide what your goal is.

What I write here is purely my own tastes and may not measure up with yours. Please keep that in mind. My personal view is not booking shows where comics are screaming n-word, cunt, and rape as if they’re making a statement. (This falls into ego ahead of comedy category for me) I don’t have any qualms with those topics in comedy, but most the time the people doing it are just covering up the fact they can’t write jokes and criminally boring and cliche. Demand better for yourself and earn the right to tackle those subjects.

That said – if your goal is to do a no rules, metal af, slayer themed comedy show – then you’re attracting a specific crowd that won’t be turned off by those subjects. 

However – this one rule applies across the entire spectrum – the jokes still have to be funny and performed well no matter. Do you, but develop some goddamn taste.

I also avoid ethnic themed shows for the same reason. “Oh cool, let’s do an hour on Mexican stereotypes.” These shows can attract full crowds and can be very rewarding – crushing with ‘been there done that’ jokes that play on stereotypes, but most comics who get sucked up in that start believing they’re anything other than a future Jeff Dunham puppet. 

Develop taste, demand better, kill your pandering ego. Plus – if your audience is made up solely of people looking for basic bitch racial jokes – no one will grow on stage and you paint yourself in a corner unable to book better and more original acts. Well done – you created a bad place to do comedy.

Rule 6:

You Can’t Do It Alone

If you are a comic looking to create a space that allows you to get better on stage, develop an audience and more – know that you can’t do this by yourself. You can do it once for sure, twice, maybe even up to 6, but eventually, you either stop crafting new bits or get worn out doing all the promos for your event. Know this. Get a group of comics together who will think like you do or trust you enough to follow through. Everyone will have to work together. Assign simple promo/show duties divided up. That will free up time for all to handle their own personal writing and be able to knock out their small share of the promoting. 

Does this mean get the funniest people in your town? Maybe not.

Rule 7:

Lineups

What if you’re new to comedy, but still want to produce shows you can grow on? 

Great – that’s how I started, but instead of promoting my name – I came up with a name for a monthly show that presented comics I loved to watch. Funny people I could introduce to an audience I felt would appreciate seeing great acts. This is how you build substance. 

Nobody trusts your constant hype of yourself, but promote a show that’s about the comedy first, that’s about a good time, in a good venue for the sake of good comedy – and you’ll earn a good name and better act for it. People will trust your word and thank you for it.

Your host has to be a good comic who can keep a show together. Don’t throw up the rookie open micer to run the list because he can bring a crowd or isn’t smart enough to know hosting is actual hard dedicated work. When you pull this kind of shit you’re creating a clunky atmosphere and a bad show. Care about the event you stupid self-entitled fuck. 

Comedy before yourself or lose a good thing.

START ON TIME AND LEAD OFF WITH THE BEST COMICS YOU HAVE – then mix up the acts for variety sake. Towards the end you can mix in whoever you know is taking chances that week or someone new with potential. By then the audience is on board loose and hopefully in a supportive mindset.

(Doing the opposite of this trains your crowd to show up late and not respect the show thinking the start is just filler crap)

Creativity over Funny: You got to be funny yes. Absolutely, but anybody can pander for laughs. Farts are goddamn hilarious. Being creative is a challenge that should trump all. Its what gets you to write more. It’s what pushes you to get better. Being funny isn’t always the issue, but it’s the first thing comics attack themselves for not being. More often the idea is funny, but you sucked at getting to it, or communicating in general, or digging deeper into what the actual point of the joke is, or coming up with a creative avenue in the bit that would make you excited to say it on stage (or maybe you weren’t comfortable yelling at 30 drunks who just got done playing trivia now trapped in your comedy show while three different margarita machines squeal through your setups).

Anybody you book should have the freedom to fail. If you book a 15 comic showcase of short sets – give a few performers the chance to fail around the 9th -12th spot. Let them feel trusted to take some chances and grow. This will pay off huge down the road for everybody.

Everybody performing promotes: Make it a must. If you want good shows it requires community effort. I have a comic friend who actively says he refuses to promote any show he’s on. I won’t book him. If he doesn’t think he’s good enough to promote people to see, why would I ask anyone to see him either?

(All this still coincides with the very first rule btw – only promote good things worth seeing)

Avoid Poison: I know a lot of funny people who kill on stage, but create the worst atmosphere to hang or work around. They’re negative for the sake of being negative, treat new comics like lesser people, and shit on every crowd for not being exactly the way they think they should be. Don’t make em’ apart. All it does is kill momentum and make people not want to come back. 

Don’t get me wrong – I love negativity – it can be a blast! But if you’re trying to build something positive you won’t get far surrounding yourself with these types of comics who refuse to allow themselves to care. They bring everything down. Ask them to go. You don’t need that shit. It’s not helping.

Social anxiety: Let’s just get this out of the way. 99% of you DO NOT have intense social anxiety. You’re just an asshole. Oh you mean interacting with people is hard and uncomfortable? 

Yeah – suck it up! You self-absorbed piece of shit! Hang after the show and thank people for showing up. Go out and talk to people you meet about this ‘cool thing you’re apart of they might like’. Support comics on stage by watching and clapping as opposed to talking, interrupting, or other poisonous self-involved bullshit.

Rule 8:

Actually, Promote. Then Do It Again. AND AGAIN… AND AGAIN...

Let me let you in on a little secret. No one for sure knows what they’re actually doing. Producers are the biggest con artists in the fucking business. So much so that they often con themselves into thinking they’re competent. Look – the only thing that works 90% of the time is booking acts people want to see. Established names with valid credits. Can’t afford that? Then specialty gimmick shows often do the trick (to an extent).

Not one promotion tool works by itself 100% of the time. You have to do all of them – in advance – and then lather, rinse, repeat.

Here’s The Checklist: 

Start with the name of your show.

Facebook: Create an event. Create a meme you can tag performers in. Post both – rely on none of it. Encourage shares and likes. Facebook has an algorithm that pushes popular posts ahead of posts with one or two likes. If you decide to create a page dedicated to your show, insist all the comics you collaborate with to invite people to like the page thru wall posts and instant messaging. This way you’ll have a large dedicated pool to promote events to. Do not invite out of town people to events or to like the page. 

Avoid getting bands, or old parents, or other comics to like the page. These people rarely actually go to shows and if they want to they can like the page on their own. If comics don’t want to help with this, don’t book them.

At the start, I liked to make these events secret. I never made posters with a shit load of strange names with no credits. Sure it’s nice to see your name on a thing, but nobody knows or cares who the fuck you are going so be good on stage – promote the show as a whole instead and people will figure out real quick who the fuck you are if you get good enough.

Text and Instant Messaging: Be polite, be sincere, and don’t just be ‘Promoter Person’. It turns people off (especially real friends comic and non-comic varieties) – and makes them feel like cattle to your ego. 

Yes, you want your friends to see a great show, don’t hound them about it. Be a fucking friend and keep up with their lives. Ask about them. Actually give a shit and they’ll give a shit about you. 

(Life Hack: Being a person will also make you a better comedian) 

Also – don’t keep inviting your dead friends to your events stupid. Again – no – you do not have social anxiety.

Alt Weekly: Most cities have them. Look what they’re announcing. Look up the editor in charge of show announcements. Message them. Start a polite relaxed dialogue. Invite them out. Don’t be needy. Buy them a few drinks it’s a tough job they have to do trying to satisfy everyone at once. Don’t take it personal, if they give you nothing back – they’re busy and paid like shit. Just stay in touch and be cool. If you develop great things they’ll go to you more and be there for you.

Flyers: Make a small number. Make them look like professional tickets or make them look cheesy on purpose, there’s a wide selection of taste to draw from and just so long as they’re simple and not filled with the names of a bunch of people no one gives a shit about – you’ll do fine. Don’t just hand them to strangers. 

Go to bars or popular spots you can talk to people in idle conversation and offer them info on this ‘cool thing you do if they’re down to check it out’. Again – You don’t have social anxiety. Go with friends and performers on the show. When you do it alone it feels weird and 9 times outa 10 – you give up on it. 

DO NOT just stash them on cars or in alt weeklies. That’s lazy and also rude as fuck. Suck it up and be a person.

Meetup Groups: there is a lot of them online join or start one.

Instagram and Twitter: good to have, but if you don’t have a pool of people working them together they don’t get you that far. Take pictures of the shows, post them on your pages. Let people see that people are attending your shows and liking it. This is huge and builds community.

Talk to people, get emails, Facebooks, whatever. Follow up. This is the number one thing that works – THAT NO ONE WANTS TO DO. Suck it up. Do it or watch everything fall apart.

All of the above – every week and forever. By themselves, they will not work, but together you give yourself the best opportunity to succeed.

Big vs. Small Market: If you’re in a big market you have the luxury of a lot of talent, but the handicap that they probably can hit up some shit mic the same night without having to do any of the above work. If you’re scene is small then you have the luxury of comics who will be eager and excited to see growth enough to do the work, but probably not enough to sustain a weekly show. (ie – If you have 20 comics doing 4 minutes you can have a nice showcase and opportunity to work in more new sets, also 4 minutes prepares you way better for tv late night auditions. You can make this show weekly, but if you only have 7-10 comics in your scene– you can probably pull off a monthly at best)

Jokes repeated bore and wear out an audience. Constant new jokes that aren’t ready do the same. Hit all the shitty mics you can and save the above type of work for one show worth promoting. That way you can develop material and stage chops, then test it out when it’s mostly formed in a good creative and trusted atmosphere. This will also make you look good to the audience that naturally builds around you.

The problem here is a lot of comics will get better, stop going to the hard mics, get lazy, dwindle out, or worse – get better – move forward and do nothing for the scene coming up to support them and teach them to do what they learned. Things will eventually fall apart and many involved will put their egos ahead of their comedy and think they’re above doing the work anymore.

Entitlement breeds complacency. Complacency kills art.

Try to avoid that or at the very least be conscious of it cuz it happens to us all no matter what level you are at.

Rule 9:

There Is No Money.

Like none. The money’s at the end. To get to it – you have to do the work. If there’s no environment to do the work right – you have to make one. Everything above is a helpful suggestion on how. Take it or leave it.

You can do free shows, $5 shows etc, but if your goal is to cover gas money to pursue becoming a standup comedian. You rarely get it for years.

If you’re a promoter looking to capitalize on talent by using them for the promise of ‘exposure’ and taking a $10 cover for your ‘Trouble’ – well you’re a piece of shit and like the ‘fake it, til you make it’ people – Kill yourself. Radiation is something that also requires exposure and yours is about as worthwhile you charlatan.

If however you just want to cover printing and promotional etc – ask for donations. Let people pay what they want, be cool, or work as a collective with the emphasis on becoming better at comedy – so you can eventually be badly paid unappreciated touring comics.

 It’s about comedy first, ego second. There’s a reason why I didn’t make money a thing when looking for a venue. When you take money out of the equation – it becomes about the art. When you throw some nickels in, everything seems to get fucked up.

If you do this right – you’ll eventually be able to create networks with national acts and opportunities you never would’ve had by grinding out the same bullshit bar shows and no taste open mics. 

If you’re lucky enough to make a career out of it – honor these shows whenever you get a chance and be supportive. It’s real easy to fall off the high rung and have to do it all over again as many comics often do.

Do the work right. 

Avoid paying Lip Service. 

Follow through on your Word.

Jay Whitecotton is a Stand Up Comedian from San Antonio, TX now living in Austin. He’s appeared on Laughs on Fox, his comedy album “Hi, Lonesome!” is available for download. Jay has written columns for magazines without any journalistic credibility – toured professionally as a guitarist, despite no lessons – and sold a script that was never made into a movie… – He likes dragons. You can also listen to the first episode of his brand new podcast Spacequatch here!

Re-Posted with permission of Jay.

[mrwilliamcharley]

Run The Trap’s Top 25 Hip-Hop Songs Of 2018

It’s no easy task to rank the top songs of a genre for a full year, and it’s especially difficult when that genre is as all-encompassing as hip-hop. And it was an amazing year as hip-hop dominated the charts and massive albums like Scorpion, Astroworld, and Kamikaze exploded. Without further ado, our top 25 hip-hop songs of 2018.

Run the Trap’s Top 25 Hip-Hop Songs Of 2018 | SoundCloud Playlist

25. Mac Miller – Self Care

This is a good example of a song that absolutely had to make the cut. You don’t know what you have until it’s gone, and Mac Miller was an example of an underrated puzzle piece in the American hip-hop culture. His song “Self Care” rocketed through the charts following his passing from a drug overdose, as many connected with the message in a year that brought mental health to the forefront of American conversations, especially within the music community.

24. The Carters – APESHIT

Beyoncé and Jay-Z have always been a super team, but when they teamed up to release one of the year’s biggest hits in “APESHIT”, everyone lost it. The beat is simple, but the rappers’ lines and flow are flawless. The track references their come up through the game to their current life of luxury, a theme found throughout much of The Carter’s rap discography. Also, “APESHIT” was one of Barack Obama’s favorite songs in 2018, so there’s that.

23. A$AP Rocky – Praise The Lord

Popular within meme culture as well as the radio, A$AP Rocky‘s “Praise The Lord” was one of this year’s top hits. This song also was part of a growing movement within the UK Rap Scene, as it featured the prominent UK rapper Skepta. As part of his album Testing, A$AP Rocky discusses his religious and spiritual beliefs, landing him at number twenty-three on the list.

22. Eminem – Killshot

Aim. Fire. “Killshot.” That’s exactly what Eminem did to poor Machine Gun Kelly, in a diss track firing back at Kelly’s “Rap Devil” diss track. As most diss tracks are, this track is entirely focused on the lyrical elements, including Eminem’s typical amazing word play and heavy burns.

21. SR3MM – Powerglide

Contrary to the Eminem track, this song is mainly driven by Mally Mall, Jean Hovart and Mike Will Made It’s incredible production – no disrespect to  SR3MM. A catchy and pop-styled hip-hop song, “Powerglide” was probably on your Spotify’s repeat earlier this summer.

21. Lil Baby – Drip Too Hard

The lead single from Lil Baby and Gunna’s debut collaborative album, Drip Harder, “Drip Too Hard” is part of Lil Baby’s explosion into the rap scene.  Both the song and album title are homages to Lil Baby and Gunna’s respective “Hard” and “Drip” series of mixtapes and albums. Keep an eye on Lil Baby as he continues his progression in the rap scene, with his lead single landing him at twenty-one on the list.

19. Lil Peep & XXXTENTACION – Falling Down

An alternative version of the song “Sunlight On Your Skin” which features iLoveMakonnen, “Falling Down” instead features XXXTENTACION and was made after Lil Peep’s death. There was some alleged controversy, as Lil Peep’s team claims that Peep had no intention of releasing that version of the song due to XXXTENTACION’s history. iLoveMakonnen, who was featured on the original version of the song, said on his Instagram that he was “honored to have co-written this song that X was inspired to be a part of, shortly before he died”.

18. Post Malone – Better Now

Post Malone might be hip-hop’s favorite nice guy. Known for his hilarious internet antics, Posty has risen to the top as a fan favorite. In “Better Now”, Post Malone reminisces about a past relationship, claiming both he and his ex miss each other though both are trying to mask their feelings. Both feel that they let each other down in some way but it was never their intention. Post suggests if they met up with each other again there is a possibility they could hook up again. In a top sad boy rap song of 2018, “Better Now” lands at number eighteen

17. Travis Scott – STARGAZING

As you have heard across rap this year and will see as this list continues, 2018 found many popular songs to have choppy arrangement, with some combining seemingly different songs into one unique track. “STARGAZING” continues the trend, opening up with an atmospheric feel as Travis Scott describes the experience of an unpredictable psychedelic trip. Switching between his regular cadence and an auto-tuned falsetto, Scott alludes to his drug use and relationship with Kylie Jenner and their daughter Stormi. The song then switches into a much tighter, more aggressive mix, where Scott goes absolutely in. The song title could be a reference to Houston’s iconic ties to astrological exploration, with NASA’s Mission Control Center being located in Travis’s hometown. It wouldn’t be surprising, as Scott makes references to Houston multiple times throughout the album.

16. Drake – Nonstop

Quickly stepping out of the nameless/faceless/objective writer persona, I have to say “Nonstop” is my personal favorite rap song in 2018. TayKieth, who has produced tons of songs on this list, absolutely murdered this song…like MURDERED it. The song opens up with that incredulously large sub-loop, paired with a perfectly mixed kick and beautifully crisp, high-end drums. The production on this song is A1, and there simply isn’t enough to be said about it.

Drake’s vocals enter stage left, introduced by the definitive statement that he “just flipped a switch,” setting the tone for the incoming tirade about his nonstop success in the rap scene. Many of Drake’s lyrics also allude to the conflict he faced with Pusha-T and Kanye West over the summer, and Drake confirmed on HBO’s “The Shop” that he channeled much of his frustration from that into tracks like “Nonstop”.

15. Kanye West – All Mine

The top song on his 2018 album Ye, Kanye talks about the topic of infidelity. Happily married to Kim Kardashian, West goes on to talk about controlling his desires while in a committed relationship. With his line “letting the genie out the bottle,” West alludes to an action that cannot be reversed, such as cheating. Kanye goes as far to call out many celebrities for their infidelity, including Tristian Thompson, who was exposed for cheating on his then-pregnant partner Khloe Kardashian, Kanye’s sister-in-law.

14. Lil Wayne – Uproar (feat. Swizz Beatz)

In an album that was supposed to be released in 2014, but was delayed for multiple years due to conflict with Cash Money Records label-boss Birdman, Lil Wayne warns his enemies to stop playing with him before he causes an “Uproar”. Ecstatic to see the New Orleans native back in action, fans across the globe clambered to get a listen to Wayne’s newest release, and they were not disappointed.

13. Travis Scott – Butterfly Effect

Produced by Murda Beatz, “Butterfly Effect” builds on the quintessential Travis Scott spacey ad libs and builds an environment to match, with a beautiful repeating melody and soft percussion. The ‘butterfly effect’ is the concept that small causes can have large effects. Travis Scott is also using a double-entendre with “butterfly” wherein as he refers to the doors on his Lamborghini car. First released as a single off his ASTROWORLD album, “Butterfly Effect” is one of the top songs off Scott’s album, landing number thirteen on the list overall.

12. Jay Rock, Kendrick Lamar, Future & James Blake – King’s Dead

We’ve already discussed how great the music video for “King’s Dead” was, and almost a year later it seems that this song is deserving of a top honor. Our original article for the music video, which was released the same day the Black Panther was released in theaters, could not have predicted the quality of the epic soundtrack.

11. Migos – Walk It Talk It

So many more songs from Culture II could be included on this list, but as mentioned in the article’s preface, we can only pick 25. “Walk It Talk It” was clearly the most popular song off of Culture II, with over 300,000 streams on Spotify alone. In “Walk It Talk It,” Migos and Drake take jabs at fake people around them who can’t walk the life that they talk about. As some of the top artists in the game right now, Migos and Drake are clearly walking it like they talk it, landing them at number eleven on the list.

10. Kanye West & Lil Pump – I Love It

Weird music video, great song. Kanye West teamed up with Lil Pump to create one of this year’s top songs in “I Love It.” Sure, Kanye may be struggling with some issues in the public eye, but his production skills haven’t lost their touch.

The video debuted at the inaugural Pornhub Awards in Los Angeles, California. Kanye linked with PornHub following an interview in which Jimmy Kimmel asked Kanye if having daughters had changed Kanye’s attitude toward women, to which he replied, “Nah, I still look at Pornhub.”

9. BlocBoy JB – Look Alive (feat. Drake)

An homage to his hometown of Memphis, BlocBoy JB‘s “Look Alive” was a standout of the year. Featuring Drake, the track was released via OVO Sound and is easily his most successful track to date surpassing over 505 million streams on Spotify. This track lands up-and-comer Blocboy JB at number nine.

8. Drake – Nice For What

Drake’s “Nice For What” takes the cake as the female empowerment song of 2018. With relatable lyrics supported by a New Orleans styled bounce beat, Drake and Murda Beatz aim to create something women can “cut up to.”  With female driven lyrics littered throughout the song, the message is further supported by NOLA’s Big Freedia, a figure of empowerment within the rap scene.

From a sonic perspective, “Nice For What” is known for its choppy arrangement. At one point, BlaqNmilD abruptly cuts the beat, leaving just the kick and female vocals before the listener is suddenly warned to “watch the breakdown,” transitioning the song back into its high energy, percussive bounce beat. Drake and his team absolutely destroyed this song, leaving “Nice For What” at number nine on the list.

7. Juice WRLD – Lucid Dreams

Juice WRLD‘s “Lucid Dreams” explores the pain of a breakup through the metaphor of a Lucid Dream, a state of awareness during one’s dream that allows the dreamer to control the reality they are perceiving. As Juice goes through the stages of his breakup, he aims to control his mental reality by simply forgetting his ex, pushing aside the universal stress and heartache that comes after any breakup.  Nick Mira’s beat puts the listener in the mind of Juice’s dreams, as soft, atmospheric bells dance around while Juice delivers his promise to control his reality and emotions.

6. Cardi B– I Like It

Complete with horns, Latin Grooves, and an infectious trap beat, Cardi B flaunts her Latin heritage in “I Like It.” Released as a part of her album Invasion Of Privacy at the top of the year, Cardi B won over thousands of new fans, and established herself as one of the top artists in today’s age. The song samples Pete Rodriguez’s 1967 boogaloo song “I Like It Like That”, and guest features Puerto Rican rapper Bad Bunny and Colombian reggaetón star J Balvin.

5. Drake – In My Feelings

The “In My Feelings” challenge was one of the most viral video challenges of 2018, as thousands of American’s found themselves dancing to the beat, their moves synchronized to the famous catchy chorus. As the song shifts from Drake’s emotional rant, the City Girls come in and crush a hook layered over a sample of Magnolia Shorty’s “Smoking Gun,” a New Orleans styled bounce track originally produced by BlaqNmilD. This is the second bounce track on the top 25, both of which were produced as part of Drake’s Scorpion.

4. Childish Gambino – This Is America

This Is America. Don’t catch you slipping up. Childish Gambino‘s internet sensation was easily the most woke song of 2018, with its famous music video decrypting the hype song as much more than just a summer banger. Gambino’s commentary spoke to the day to day internet nonsense that is distracting the American people from addressing today’s important social issues. On top of the important message “This Is America” brought to the forefront of conversation, the beat, play-on-words, and cinematography of the music video were grade A works of art, landing “This Is America” at number 4 on 2018’s list.

3. XXTENTACION – SAD!

With over 780 Million streams on Spotify, XXXTENTACION‘s “SAD!” is clearly a top 5 song of 2018. A somber song about love, “SAD!” has resonated with millions of rap fans this year.

2. Travis Scott – Sicko Mode

Nothing is more hype than sitting in a club, and all of the sudden you hear those infamous, horn-like chords that open up the song. Travis Scott‘s “Sicko Mode” was an instant hit upon its release. With a dynamic and tight mix that features lines from Scott and Drake, listeners found themselves on an ASTROWORLD roller coaster, with twists and turns as the song progressed across its three sections. As one of the ultimate turn up songs of 2018, “Sicko Mode” lands at number two on the list.

1. Drake – God’s Plan

“God’s Plan” is by far the most popular hip-hop song of 2018. With 1.1 BILLION streams on Spotify alone and another 900 million on his epic music video, Drake cemented himself as the top hip-hop artist of 2018. There isn’t much more that needs to be said about the number one song on this list, as it has been on repeat the entire year across clubs, radio stations, and Spotify playlists.

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