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sidespart · 4 years ago

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The Fall of King Romulus Part 6

Summary: Twin Princes Remus and Romulus are cursed at birth with Honesty and Obedience. When Romulus, who cannot disobey any order, is told to kill his brother the next time he lays eyes on him, he changes his name to Roman and runs away. Roman joins up with a misfit group of adventures and plans to never return to his homeland. But the fae have other plans for him...

Warnings (for whole fic not necessarily individual chapters): Violence, mind whammying/memory altering, curse of obedience related consent issues, references to sex, references to war related injuries/PTSD, references to child abuse/neglect (YMMV on that one but just in case), antagonstic-but-not-exactly villian!Janus, Extremly-moraly-dubious-but-not-exacty-unsympathetic-Remus

EXTRA WARNINGS - this chapter is pretty much unrelenting whump and the violence and consent issues (past) tags strongly apply. I have put more detailed (spoiler heavy) warnings at the bottom so if you’re particularly sensitive to that stuff and want to scroll down to check before you read you can do so.

Feedback appreciated.

NOW ON AO3 :D

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

In a tavern just outside of Leovan the crowd roars another! And Roman laughs and gamely starts to play another jig. He’s been playing for hours and he drinks in the attention happily, even as the cheers of the crowd become a ringing in his ears. The night is long and his throat is raw and his stomach empty and it’s harder and harder to keep his eyes focused, but his hands are steady on the strings. He sways in place, sweat dripping into his eyes, but it doesn’t matter- the crowd adore him. They sing and dance and laugh along, and after each set they call another, another, another until the room is spinning and his throat is bleeding and the audience’s laughter had turned cruel and high and lilting and-

Roman woke with a gasp and immediately regretted it.

The underground room was still pitch black, the humidity still cloying. At some point during his fitful sleep he had slumped to the floor, Lucius’ ill-attempt at binding having come loose enough to allow him to slide his arms down the length of the pipe. He was awkwardly sprawled at the base with his wrists still pinned above his head and his legs twisted underneath him. He tugged experimentally at his binding and got a sharp spike of pain down his shoulders and spine for his trouble. Whilst he had wasted time sleeping, the silk had become sodden from the moisture of the room and shrunk tight against his wrists, making even Lucius’ knotwork impossible to pull apart.

Not that it would have made much difference if he could get it loose.

Stay here until I come back with your transport.

Grunting with pain, he managed to untangle his legs out from under him and sit up. He pushed himself up on his knees as best he could, trying to relieve some of the pressure on his wrists, but gave it up quickly as the pain lacing down his shoulders intensified.

This was bad.

He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to think, but the heat was making it almost impossible. The black of the room kept swirling back in to crowded tavern, the rush of water into the jeers of a crowd…he could feel the raw burn on his throat and his mind scrambled desperately for another song-

Except it hadn’t happened like that. He shook his head furiously, his hair flicking sweat into the room, trying to banish the tavern from his mind. He had already started traveling with the others by the time he sang in Leovan and if he’d tried to perform so late into the night Virgil would have come stomping down the stairs to tell him he was being ridiculous and to go and get some sleep.

Or Patton would have sat up listening, playing bodyguard, until he couldn’t keep his own eyes open and sweetly suggested that the crowd might want to be getting home to their own families.

Or Logan would appear, pocket watch in hand, demanding he finish within a set time frame in order to allow for optimal sleeping hours.

Roman could almost hear the lecture, relief at a chance to escape the crowd mingling with exasperation at the scholars ridged scheduling.

In the dark Roman glanced over to where he thought the door should be.

The only sound was the gentle hiss of water.

He tried pulling at the rope again.

***

“Hey! It’s you!”

The man blocking Roman’s path back to the ballroom was clearly drunk. He stumbled towards Roman, half leaning on the hallway wall for support, a big dopy smile on his face. “I saw you- I saw you back there – wow!”

“Thank you friend.” Roman smiled brightly and took a step backwards, but not quickly enough to prevent the guy from grasping onto his sash.

“You’re so pretty.” The guy breathed, his eyes unfocused but his grip firm, “I saw you lookin’ at me when you were singin’.”

Roman squirmed. He was almost certainly better trained than his admirer, and he had had a lot less ale, but he was also shorter and skinnier. With the man pressed so close in the narrow hallway it was almost impossible to find the leverage he needed to push him off.

And. This was a nice place. And by the quality of the man’s clothing he was an honoured guest not a servant. Roman had been the one to convince his new companions to accompany him to the local lord’s house for the ball, he had wanted to give them to a chance to relax whilst he performed. He didn’t want to get himself, and them, kicked out by causing a scene- not when he was half hoping they would allow him to continue to travel with them even though the job he’d been hired for was done.

“I look at everyone-” he said, smile fixed and polite ”– engaging the audience is actually very important for-“

“Shush.” The man whispered.

Roman shushed. Grinding his teeth in frustration.

His assailant brought one hand up to paw at his face in a clumsy attempt at seduction, thick rings knocking against Romans jaw. His other hand released the bard’s sash to grip his wrist instead.

“Kiss me,” the man breathed, the stink of ale on his breath making Roman gag.

Face burning with mounting frustration and embarrassment, Roman attempted to plant a quick kiss on his cheek, but the man twisted his head at the last moment to meet his lips with his own. Pressing Roman back against the wall with a slobbering assault as he attempted to pry Roman’s lips open with his tongue.

Panic flickered in Roman’s belly and then just as quickly dulled. It was generally easier to let these things run their course.

And then, suddenly, the pressure on his mouth – and wrist and chest - was gone.

Roman blinked open eyes he didn’t remember squeezing shut to see Patton with an expression so furious Roman had to fight the instinct to cower.

“What.” Patton snarled “Do you think you’re doing?”

“I di-didn’t mean to-“ Roman started.

“Well?!” Patton roared and Roman realised he wasn’t speaking to him – but rather the rich man who appeared to be rapidly sobering up in Patton’s grip. The warrior held him by the scuff of his neck, his toes just scraping the floor. When Patton shook him, the plethora of chains around his neck clinked together musically.

“Roman,” Patton asked, his voice still shaking with an anger that made Roman draw his shoulders up instinctively “do you…know this man?”

“Well…no.” Roman glanced at the chains again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as his heart rate started to return to normal “I think he might be the mayor though Pat, put him down!”

“I don’t care if he’s the King of the elves! Did you want to kiss him?”

“Well no, but – but its fine! These things happen!”

“You call yourself a Prince and this is how you carry on?”

Wait. What?

Roman blinked, feeling strangely hot in the cool hallway.

Patton wasn’t supposed to say that. Patton was supposed to ask what he meant. And Roman would backtrack and feed him some lines about people often feeling entitled to performers time off stage – which was not untrue – and Patton would look at him wide eyed and tell him that would never happen again –

“You’ve been told over and over, to keep yourself to yourself.”

- that Patton would stand guard at every performance from now on if that’s what it took.-

“If you insist on putting yourself into these situations, don’t come crying to me when the inevitable happens.”

-And Roman would be so elated at the implication that they were to keep travelling together that he would almost forget to feel embarrassed at the situation.-

Patton’s lips narrowed into a thin disapproving line, “Don’t be naive. You are far better off alone, Romulus.”

“Dad?” Roman whispered.

“He doesn’t look much like the Prince.”

“Oh, like you’ve seen him.”

“Well he’s meant to be handsome right? This guy’s not winning any contests.”

Roman opened his eyes, squinting against the light. Three men stood around him, illuminated by the glow of an oil lamp. For one wild moment elation flooded through him - his friends had found him after all!

And then their conversation registered and he scowled. Disappointment robbing him of a witty comeback to their insults.

Still. Let them travel almost non-stop for three weeks, spend a night standing out in the middle of a field whilst an old woman sang at herbs, march for five days through a forest - including a detour through he thickets brambles known to man- and then follow that up with an entire day wandering around the city, have two panic attacks and be left to sleep tied up in caller. And then see if they looked their best.

With the gag still in his mouth, Roman’s attempt to covey this sentiment were mercifully muffled.

“I don’t know.” The biggest of the three stepped forward, grabbing a handful of Roman’s hair and yanking his head back painfully, abruptly cutting off his complaints. “I can kinda see it.”

“Be careful Niki,” the one who had first spoken whispered, he was holding the lantern and keeping well back from Roman. “His nibs thinks he’s got devils with him.”

“In here?” Niki cast a glance around at the iron cage of pipework that covered the room. “If he does they’re not coming out.”

“Still.” Lantern-boy whined.

“Well let’s test it.” Niki grinned down and Roman spitefully and released his grip on his hair. In one quick movement he had produced an iron dagger, not unlike Roman’s own, and pressed the flat of it to Roman’s cheek.

Roman stared at him.

“There you see? If was possessed he’d be screaming.” Niki said smugly and pulled his knife back, twisting it slightly as he did so, leaving a shallow cut along Roman’s cheek, making him wince.

“Careful,” lantern-boy said meaningfully “he’s still the Prince’s brother.”

“Oops.” Niki smiled cheerfully down at Roman. “My bad.”

“He needs to drink.” The third man stood far enough back from the lantern that Roman couldn’t see his face, but he saw the way the other two responded to his soft voice, their posture automatically stiffening.

“Here,” lantern-boy stepped forward after a moment, holding out a water skin to Niki who rolled his eyes but reached down to rip the gag from Roman’s mouth.

Roman coughed, swallowing air greedily. His throat was painfully dry, all moisture sucked out by the silk, but he still hesitated when Niki held the skin up to his mouth.

“Listen to me.” He croaked “you-“

“Just drink it.” Niki snapped and Roman surged forward despite himself, swallowing a few precious mouthfuls before the skin was yanked away again.

“You’re from Notaleveale.” he whispered. “Right?”

“Obviously.” Lantern-boy muttered, taking the water skin back from his companion.

“Well then,” he drew himself up as much as he could, ignoring the pain the movement caused “ – as true men of The North I must implore you to assist me. The Marquis has been embroiled in some- some conspiracy of untruths, is perhaps plotting against the very crown itself and-“

“The Marquis de Orenlla couldn’t plot his way out of a paper bag.” Niki snorted contemptuously.

Roman opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“Isn’t he your Lord?” he asked eventually feeling bizarrely offended on the Marquis’ behalf. Niki and lantern-boy were both wearing chest plates embossed with the three peaked mountain range that signified allegiance to Orenlla, the royal kraken of Notaleveale floating above. They were clearly guardsmen brought with Lucius on his journey south.

The third man, who hadn’t spoken since he mentioned Roman needing to drink, wore no identifying uniform.

“It’s not an insult.” Niki shrugged, “personally I prefer an employer too daft to organise a coupe.”

Lantern-boy nodded in agreement, “It’s a, whatcha call it - a positive working environment, innt?”

“…alright.” Roman decided to change tactics. “I’ll double what he’s paying you.” This time both men laughed.

“With what?”

“Well, I. I’m still a Prince I’ll have you know - I have many rich and influential friends who would gladly-“

“Oh really. Where are they then?”

There was an unpleasant pause whilst Roman desperately tried to get his brain to think. He was supposed to be more creative than this!

“You’re no Prince of ours anyhow.” Lantern-boy stepped a bit closer to glare into Roman’s eyes. “Traitor.”

Roman flinched back at the pure look of venom on the young man’s face.

Little fae touched traitor.

“Listen to me. Whatever you’ve heard – it’s not true. My father-“

“Don’t you dare speak his name!” Niki surged froward, pulling Roman up by the neck of his tunic. Their faces were close enough that Roman could feel the spittle from the man’s mouth land on his cheek as he shouted: “After your despicable actions you would dare to-“

“Nicolas. Don’t upset yourself.”

The third man was barely visible to Roman over Niki- Nicholas’- shoulder, but as soon as he spoke the large man stilled, lowering Roman slowly back to the ground.

“Marcus. Some more light if you will.”

Lantern-boy -presumably Marcus– quickly produced a box of long matchsticks, almost tripping over himself in his haste to light more lanterns around the room. By the time he was done the room was brightly lit, the glow from each lamp bouncing off the metal pipes until it filled every corner.

The third man did not look especially Notalevealean, with skin almost as white as Virgil’s and pale white blond hair. He was dressed plainly, with pale grey robes and soft shoes, and carried only a thin walking stick. If he hadn’t spoken, he could have quite easily faded into the background - camouflaged against the dull back drop of pipes.

“Nicholas. Marcus. Go and guard the passages.”

“But we already have a dozen men out there-“

“And I’m sure they’re in need of leadership. Go now.”

The two men glanced at each other. Roman thought for a moment that they would stand their ground, but then Marcus snatched up his original lantern and headed for the door, Niki following after one last reluctant glance back.

“W-wait.” Roman called. “Is my Father alive?”

They disappeared into the gloom of the next room.

Left alone with only the quiet grey man, Roman found himself wishing they’d stayed.

The grey man smiled at him as he shuffled towards the kneeling prince. His smile was an awful thing that did not touch his eyes.

“The young Marquis de Orenlla is a rather silly boy.” He told Roman in his soft papery voice. “Much like yourself.”

Despite himself Roman let out an offended squeak, but the grey man continued unhindered. “He has very little idea how to survive alone, can barely function without his servants.”

Roman caught himself staring at the floor and snapped his gaze back to the grey man’s face. He didn’t want to miss any information he might let slip but looking at him was-

It was difficult.

When he tried to look at the details of his face they seemed to slip away. Was he young or old? What colour were his eyes?

The whole time he had been talking, had his mouth actually moved?

“What are you?” Roman whispered.

The grey man smiled again, Roman shuddered.

“But also like you, he is not wholly stupid. He has started asking some inconvenient questions.”

Within the blink of an eye, the grey man was next to him a knife in his hand. Before Roman had a chance to do more than flinch, he had cut the ties biding his hands, and was back across the room.

Dazed, Roman rubbed his wrists, trying not to wretch.

Up close, the grey man smelt of death.

“Now. Sit there, and listen to me until I finish.”

Romulus whimpered.

“Your father is dead.” The grey man told him bluntly. “You killed him.”

“No.” Romulus- Roman shook his head. Used his newly freed hands to cover his ears. “He was sick.”

“You poisoned him over many weeks.” the grey man whispered. “Disguised it as a common sickness. You tried the same on your brother but he was too strong to succumb.”

Roman lowered his hands. They were pointless anyway- the grey man’s voice seemed to be inside his head.

“That’s not how his strength works!”

“And so instead, you allied yourself with a traitor to the fae court and placed a curse of madness on the crown prince, rendering him unable to rule. You hoped to take over in his place, but luckily your father’s advisors found you out. You were forced to flea with your fae companion.”

Roman stared at him, eyes wide. “That’s insane!”

“That’s the truth.” The grey man insisted. “When The Marquis asks you for the truth, that’s what you’ll say.”

“No.” Roman shook his head. “No, no, no.”

The grey man reached forward, resting his hand gently against Roman’s cheek. Romulus stared up into his eyes.

“Julius?” he whispered.

“In a way.” The grey man’s face seemed to twist. For a single moment, it was Julius’ face that looked disdainful down at him, rendering Romulus mute with terror. And then with another twist to reality it was gone, back to the grey man’s blank visage.

“I’ve had eyes all over looking for you Romulus. I was so sure you must have died in the mountains and yet –“ His fingers tightened on Roman’s face, nails digging cruelly into his skin. “Here you are. Like a little cockroach.”

With a shove he released Roman’s face and walked swiftly to the centre of the room, where the largest pipes rose out of the floor. “Stay on your knees and come here.” he ordered. Face burning, Roman shuffled after him, knees bruising on the stone floor.

“Put your hands here.” He gestured to one of the larger pipes. Even before his hands touched the surface, Roman could feel the heat radiating from it. It was far hotter than the one he had been tied to and although he braced himself he couldn’t hold back a yelp of pain when his hands made contact.

He snatched them back quickly, his palms an alarming shade of red. And without pausing, sprang to his feet, aiming a punch directly at the grey man’s immobile face.

“Stop moving.”

Roman felt his muscles lock, momentum sending him crashing to the ground as the grey man easily sidestepped his swing.

“Don’t move until I tell you too.” The grey man added, leaving Roman frozen on the ground where he landed.

Slowey the grey man stepped around him, crouching down by his head. “Look at me, Romulus.” Roman did so, only moving his eyes to stare at the flickering mirage of the grey man’s face.

Up close, the smell was so bad Roman felt the remains of his pastry threatening to make a reappearance.

“I am going to ask you some questions. You are going to tell me the truth. Nod if you understand.”

Slowly, Roman nodded. The grey man – Julius – whatever it was, had already told him what it wanted him to consider the truth. But even so, ‘tell the truth’ was an easy enough order to get around. Truth being in the eye of the beholder and all.

“And if you don’t, I am going to tell you to hold onto that pipe again, and I am going to tell you to keep holding it until I am satisfied with your answers. Do you understand?”

Roman swallowed. He nodded again.

“Did you kill your father? Tell the truth now.”

“No.” he said quickly and then bit his tongue, cursing. Franticly he looked up at the grey man “You, you said that was a truth for The Marquis, not for everyone I can’t just –“

“Raise your left hand.” the grey man said mildly. “Bring it here.”

Romulus felt tears of frustration and fear spring to his eyes. He was stupid for thinking he had a chance at this. Julius’ tests were never designed for him to pass.

***

Roman wasn’t sure how many hours passed before the grey man seemed satisfied.

Fortunately, he had methods of persuasion beyond just the pipe. When Romans’ left palm had become completely coated in blisters the grey man had handed him walking stick and instructed him to bring it down hard on his own back instead. And then his shoulders. The side of his face. His left palm.

The grey man never touched him himself.

He didn’t have any need to.

Whenever there was a pause between punishments he ordered Roman to stillness. Time which Roman happily spent fantasising, first of smashing the stick down across the grey man’s head, then of pressing his own eyes to the hot pipe.

Even if they took him home – he could not allow himself to lay eyes on Remus. That was the one thing he could not fail on.

“Did you kill your father?” asked the grey man.

“Yes.”

The stress of raising Romulus, of hiding the curse; there was no doubt he’d contributed to his fathers early death. It was true, at least to him.

“Did you curse your brother?”

“Yes.”

When he was a little boy there had been a phase where he tried to put a curse on Remus daily, and Remus him. The kind of curses they dreamed up were for itchy feet and stinky farts, and none of them had worked, but it was still technically true.

“Why?”

“I was jealous of my brother.”

If Roman had only been born a half hour earlier he could have avoided a lifetime of being second best. He could have avoided his curse. Grown up with his Father instead of Julius. Not that he would wish any of that on Remus but. It was natural, surely, to be a little jealous of his brothers freedom.

“Good.”

Julius’ face smiled down at him. He reached out with the grey mans hands to stroke Romulus’ hair, like he sometimes did when he was a child. “You see Romulus, there is always a way to work within the confines of your curse, so long as you are willing to look for it. I taught you that.”

“Where are you?” Romulus whispered.

“I am waiting for you.” he smiled. “I have no sons Romulus, no one to pass the Stewardship to. And we must think about the future of our kingdom. When you are back, we can write a new story.”

“You…you’re ruler?”

Romulus frowned. There was a missing piece here but he couldn’t find it. The heat and pain were making his brain slosh against the inside of his skull. He found himself leaning in to the hand in his hair, even as revulsion rippled through him. “If you’re ruler then where’s –“

“Where’s the serpent?”

Roman blinked. Looking up, he found that Julius was gone again, the grey mans expressionless face staring back at him.

“What?”

“The serpent. Where is he?”

“I don’t – I don’t know what you mean.” Romulus held his injured arm close to his chest, curling over it protectively.

He heard the disappointed sigh and flinched even before the grey man brought his other hand to Romans’ bruised shoulder, squeezing hard.

“Look at me.”

Romulus did, eyes bright.

“I know he has left his prison. I know he was with you at that inn. I sent that stupid boy to get him and he found you.”

“I don’t know what you mean!” Romulus wailed, hating the childish wobble in his voice. “There wasn’t anyone else at the inn.”

“No?”

Julius eyes were peering out of the grey man again, a cruel glint to them. ”You were alone?”

“Yes.” Roman told him. Voice steady.

He’d entered the inn alone. He’d sat in the room alone. Climbed out of the window alone. Anything else was none of Julius’ business.

Before the grey man could speak again, a clatter from the next room made them both jump.

“Hmph. He’s early.” the grey man murmured. “Get back to your place.” He gestured to the pipe Roman had originally been tied to and, haltingly, Roman crawled towards it, sprawling at the base.

“If The Marquis asks, tell him nothing about your injuries.” the grey man added lazily, taking up his position in the centre of the room, fading back into the background.

Roman grunted. It wasn’t a bad plan: his most visible injuries – the burns on his hand which he couldn’t stand to look at – could be explained away as being caused by the very pipe Lucius had tied him to. As usual, nothing could ever be pinned on Julius.

They waited. But neither the Marquis or his men appeared.

The grey man stood across from him, gazing out into the darkness of the next room. Roman wasn’t even worth looking at.

He slumped further against the pipe and tried to focus on breathing. There wasn’t a single place on his body that didn’t hurt, though the worst by far was his hand. He shivered from cold, which, given the heat of the room, couldn’t be a good sign. He let his eyes slip closed. Exhaustion threatening to take him again.

And then he felt a soft pressure on his lap.

“Mrrp.”

Roman opened his eyes. Then he closed them again.

He opened one eye. It was still there.

“Mister Mittens?” he asked, slightly hysterically.

Romulus and Remus had grown up with dogs. He wasn’t sure if cats were supposed to be able to feel smugness, but this once clearly did. It butted it’s head against Roman’s chin with another self-satisfied “Mrrp.”

“What?“ The grey man was staring at the pair of them, looking as confused as his expressionless face could manage. “Where did that thing come from?”

Roman was saved from having to answer by a crossbow bolt. One that came through the open door, burying itself in the grey man’s skull.

Chapter 7

Extra warnings

Consent stuff – Roman relives a memory of being sexually assaulted (he doesn’t necessarily think of it in those terms). A drunk man kisses him and pushes him against a wall. The man tells Roman to ‘kiss me’ without knowing anything about Romans curse. They are interrupted before it goes beyond kissing. (whether anything else would have happened, or whether the man would have stopped if he had known about the curse, is not shown in the text). It is implied that this sort of situation has happened to Roman before, and that it has gone further, but this is not explicit.

Violence stuff – Roman is tortured in this chapter. This includes cutting, burning and beating with a stick. The majority of this is not described in explicit detail but it’s certainly going on. Due to the nature of his curse, most of this takes place due to another character ordering him to hurt himself. Roman briefly contemplates burning his own eyes (for ‘trying to get around my curse’ reasons rather than ‘self harm’ reasons) . Someone also gets shot in the head with a crossbow. Roman also spends most of this chapter dehydrated and suffering from heat stroke .

I’m not totally sure what this falls under but its grim stuff – a character from romans past spends a lot of this chapter tyring to gas light him/ manipulate him into believing a set of false memories. Roman retains his correct memories but gets hurt a lot in the process. Meeting said character causes Roman to dissociate (I think this is the correct term but please correct me if I’m wrong), he continuously switches between his name and his childhood name during the chapter and at some points reacts as if he was a child.

#ts roman #roman sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #creativitwins #sidespart writes

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canvas-the-florist · 3 years ago

Text

The Store Doesn’t Have Butter

Ship: Romantic Moceit, Platonic DLAMPR (they’re all just friends, y’know?)

Warnings: Temporary main character death, blood (not in detail), swearing, vague jokes about sex, guns, injuries, suffocation mention, car accident, depictions of a depressive episode, food, there is a lot of death in this one folks be safe :)

Summary: Patton’s just having a day filled with surprises and mishaps! But he won’t let that stop him from having a good time.

Word Count: 10.4K

Patton wakes up to a happy song playing on his phone and his husband asleep next to him. He stopped the alarm, sitting up and stretching. Janus mumbled and turned to his side to look up at Patton tiredly. Patton greeted him with a smile and a kiss on the forehead, going to get out of bed to start the day. Janus grabbed his arm softly, almost complaining incoherently.

“We do this every morning, love. Can’t I just go make breakfast without you fussing about?” He asked as he reached for his glasses with his free hand and put them on.

Janus let go of Patton, squinting his eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He sat up, letting the blankets fall off his chest and onto his lap. “We have never had this conversation before.”

“Sure, Jan.” With one last kiss on the cheek, Patton sat up and got dressed. Janus slowly followed suit. Patton brushed out his curls and grabbed his head of hair to get a short ponytail. The shorter hairs would fall out, which Janus would call adorable, but it annoyed Patton greatly. The compromise was a few brightly colored barrettes. Janus fixed up his own hair beside him. “Dang Janus, I think we look pretty good today!”

Janus raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “Yes, sure. Very fetching.” He looked like he wanted to say more but was cut off by an alarm on his watch. Janus put on his hat and walked out to the front door. “I must be off dear! If I don’t return by seven, assume that I have been kidnapped by my horrible fellow employees.”

Patton leaned against the wall next to the door. “Don’t be mean! It can’t be that bad to work with Roman and Logan, can it?”

His eyes turned dark from whatever he had experienced. “It really can.” Janus lightened up and opened the door. “Well, goodbye Patton! Remember to buy butter!”

The door closed and Patton was left with his own devices. He started by watering the plants, feeding the cat, feeding the turtle, drinking a glass of water, and feeding that murder of crows that started following the couple around a few months ago. Patton sat down on the concrete of the patio in the backyard. A few crows dropped random shiny things before flying off. He watched for a moment before picking them up, hoping to make an interesting necklace from them. Patton dropped them in a small plastic bag before moving to other things he needed to do. He didn’t have work on Mondays, so that’s when he preferred to do groceries and other errands.

It was slightly windy out, causing Patton’s cardigan to drift updraft. He gave the world a smile before walking around. A plane went by, supposedly going down towards the airport. He saw a woman chasing a dog with a leash running wild and helped her out. A group of kids were walking to school. And then he reached the grocery store. Patton went in only needing four things: Butter, bread, eggs, and bagels. He left with seven. They were out of butter too. Walking out, the wind seemed to have simmered down which he was very grateful for.

The walk back was always more frustrating. People were going to their jobs or having a day out with their families. Which meant doing the ten minute walk home with easily squishable foods was a lot more difficult. Patton was humming a song to himself when a biker collided with him, dropping the food.

“Ah, sorry man!” The person apologized.

“It’s okay!” Patton reassured, helping them up. “It’s just food. Are you alright though? That was quite the fall!”

“Oh- yeah! That was nothing.” They grabbed their bike. “Sorry about the eggs though. Have a good one!”

“You too!” Patton looked down at the food. The breads would be fine but half of the eggs had cracked and spilled over everything. He took out the carton and threw it away in the nearest trash can he could find before heading home. The cat lovingly named, Ladle, mewed at him loudly begging for attention. Janus didn’t want Ladle at first, insisting that Patton’s cat allergy was something important, but she quickly made him love her. Patton gave her a few scratches under her chin before sitting down on the couch. Ladle jumped up next to him before making her way to sleep on the windowsill. “Gosh Ladle, today has been an ordeal!”

She ignored him but he didn’t really mind. Talking to her was really just a thing for himself. Patton took a breath and decided to make lunch. Despite knowing that Janus’s lunch break wasn’t actually two hours long, Patton knew he would be on the bar stool for that duration before returning to work late. The door opened up and Patton finished making the second sandwich. Just on time.

“Hey dear! You really need to stop skipping work for-” Patton stopped as he looked up. “Oh, Roman! I didn’t expect to see you here…”

The man was covered in blood and seemed shell shocked. Roman looked over at Patton who was taking off his apron and getting a rag wet under the sink. “Pat… I’m so sorry.” Patton’s face fell before he continued but blinked away any fear and started cleaning up Roman’s face. “Logan and I, we tried to stop what happened but… Janus died.”

Patton clenched his fist around the rag and put it to his side, dropping it to the floor. He took a breath in but it broke as he felt his face warm under tears. Ladle meowed loudly in concern but Patton ignored it. Roman sat him down on the couch and hugged him. The rest of the day was a blur. He vaguely remembered letting Roman borrow some of his clothes so he could shower and clean up. Patton spent the rest of the day with a cat on his chest and the cucumber sandwiches completely forgotten.

Eventually Roman got Patton to drink some water and left him alone in the dark. Patton stared up at the ceiling. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his face left evidence of his sobbing. None of it felt real. It was supposed to be fine. But the problems kept coming. Ladle jumped off his chest and he made his way to the bed. The bed sheets were still messy from that morning. Patton collapsed down on his husband’s side of the bed and surrounded himself with the comforter. The wind was almost completely gone so the only sounds outside were people’s dogs and a few birds. He turned to lay on his back and fell asleep.

Patton wakes up to a happy song playing on his phone and his husband asleep next to him. He gasps and shoots upward with a start. Breathing heavily, Patton grabbed Janus’s arm and checked to see if he was real. Janus let out a noise of complaint and pulled the blanket over his head. Patton took in a deep breath and smiled through his tears. Just a nightmare.

“We can’t do this every morning, love. Let’s go get some breakfast, okay?” Patton put on his glasses and Janus sat up, letting the blankets fall from his head to his lap.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Janus stated sarcastically. “We’ve never had this conversation before.” Patton blinked in confusion but let it slide.

“Whatever you say, Janus.” His voice hurt from the crying. Patton gave his husband a kiss on the cheek and got out of bed to get ready for the day. He did his hair in a short ponytail and put in the barrettes to get the small curls out of his face. Janus fixed up his hair beside him. Patton couldn’t shake the dream however much he wanted to. “Janus? Do you ever get bad dreams about me… getting hurt?”

Janus looked at him curiously. “How hurt are you talking about?”

“I-” Patton was cut off by the alarm on Janus’s watch. He put on his hat but looked back at Patton with concern. He gave a smile. “Go to your job, we can talk at… lunch.”

They both walked to the front door. Janus kissed Patton briefly. “Okay, dear. If I don’t return by seven, assume that I have been kidnapped by my horrible fellow employees.”

“Hey!” Patton said, ignoring the feeling of déjà vu. “Be nice and be safe. Roman and Logan aren’t that bad.”

His eyes turned dark from whatever he had experienced. “It really can.” Janus lightened up and opened the door. “Well, goodbye Patton! Remember to buy butter!” The door slammed and Patton already knew that the grocery store probably didn’t have butter. He didn’t know why he suspected that but took a deep breath. Patton had things to do today that wasn’t about moping.

He started by watering the plants, feeding the cat, feeding the turtle, drinking a glass of water, and feeding that murder of crows that started following the couple around a few months ago. Patton sat down on the concrete of the patio in the backyard. A few crows looked at him and called in concern before dropping off shiny objects and flying away. He watched for a moment, confused, before picking them up. Patton dropped them in a small plastic bag before moving to other things he needed to do. It was time to do errands but he wasn’t sure that it was going to go well. It was windy outside and at the moment people were heading to their jobs and school so the world was going to be really busy. But he did anyway, like he needed to prove something to himself.

It was slightly windy out, causing Patton’s cardigan to drift updraft. A plane went by, supposedly going down towards the airport. He saw a woman chasing a dog with a leash running wild and helped her out after a second of confusion. A group of kids were walking to school. There wasn’t any butter and he shouldn’t have expected it there. Patton stared at the empty space before buying the other things he needed: eggs, bread, and bagels.

Patton looked around with caution as he walked back, carefully weaving between families and people down the street. He was halfway home when he heard the bike. Patton turned and saw someone about to run into him so he took a step back and tumbled into the grass, hearing the eggs break and scatter. The biker stopped and helped him up.

“Ah, sorry man!” The person apologized.

“It’s… It’s okay! Are you okay?” Patton asked.

The biker looked at them quizzically. “What?”

Right, they were fine. Patton gave a smile. “Oh never mind. Have a good day!”

The biker got back on their bike. “Sorry about the eggs. Have a good one!” They zoomed past him and Patton blinked away all his thoughts, forgetting to respond. This didn’t just feel like déjà vu. He finished walking home and put away the bread and bagels.

Ladle meowed for attention and curled around Patton’s shoulders. He pet her idly as he went to sit down at the couch. It was almost time for lunch. Patton thought back to the dream and took in a shaky breath. He had to make sure. With a moment’s hesitation, he called Janus’s burner phone. Patton knew that Janus said to stop spamming him with pictures of Ladle to his burner, because it could be bad and they could be caught with whatever illegal thing he was doing… But Patton needed to know. To warn him something was about to happen.. Probably.

“Patton? Why did you call me? You know that you can’t just-”

“Janus, something bad is going to happen. You need to be safe or hide or stop whatever you’re doing!” Patton was trying to stay calm but he kept remembering Roman’s expression and crumbling to the floor. He didn’t even know what happened.

He heard Janus say something incoherent to someone else on the other end of the line before responding directly. “You’re not normally like this Patton. Why am I in danger, exactly?”

The only issue with that was that Patton didn’t know the answer to the question. This would be so much easier if Patton knew what the fuck was going on. He felt his throat dry as tears welled up. “I… You just are. Please.”

“Okay, dear. I’ll be there so-” Janus was cut off by his own screaming. Patton stood up suddenly, yelling Janus’s name and got no response. The line went dead after a minute. He threw his phone at the wall, causing Ladle to jump off his shoulders and he stared at the hole he just created. It got blurrier the more he cried. Patton heard the door open with a bloody Roman who looked just as bad as Patton remembered from the dream, if it even was one.

Roman sat on the floor next to him and gave him a hug. “I’m so sorry, Patton, I’m so sorry.” This mantra was repeated for hours before silence fell between the two of them. The room darken around them and Patton finally got up and ushered Roman to the bathroom to clean off the blood and take a shower. He got out in Patton’s oversized clothes and watched Patton as he cleaned up the floor. “Do… you need to be alone right now or should I stay with you?”

The silence was filled by the chirping of birds and people’s dogs. Patton shook his head. “Please don’t leave me alone right now.” His voice was small but he wasn’t sure how much he was actually feeling at the moment. Roman and Patton decided to sleep on the couch together with Ladle nestled by Patton’s stomach. Their backs would kill them tomorrow but that wouldn’t matter. Janus died. Patton looked at Roman’s head before taking off his glasses and closing his eyes, hoping he wouldn’t dream.

Patton wakes up to a happy song playing on his phone and his husband asleep next to him. He opened his eyes tiredly, not bothering to stop the alarm. He looked over to Janus and frowned. He finally understood what was happening, and Patton was pretty sure that he hated the answer. With a sigh he turned off the alarm and decided full heartedly that he was not going to let Janus die today, however many todays that would take.

He grabbed Janus’s arm and pulled him into a hug. Okay, he would save his husband after getting a little support. Janus flickered open his eyes in confusion but hugged back. They stayed there for a while before Patton let go to sit up and put on his glasses.

“As much as I love your affection, this seems a bit early in the morning, even for you.” Janus pointed out. Patton kept putting on his clothes, half ignoring Janus, just trying to concoct a plan that would save him. Janus got off the bed and went in front of him as he finished putting on his shirt. “Patton. What is happening today?”

Patton looked at him with a determined smile and fear in his eyes. “You’re going to go to work and I’m going to take care of all the things here. Now go! We need to get ready for the day.”

Janus complied, pretending to shrug off Patton’s demeanor and put on his clothes. Patton did up his hair in a short ponytail and 4 colorful barrettes to hide the short curly hairs that were left. Janus barely finished his hair as his watch beeped. He gave Patton a kiss on the cheek before saying, “I must be off dear! If I don’t return by seven, assume that I have been kidnapped by my horrible fellow employees.”

“Yeah, mhm, don’t be rude to them. Be safe!” Patton responded walking out to the front doorway.

Janus gave a look but opened the door. “Well, goodbye Patton! Remember to buy butter!” The door closed and Patton took out his phone to text Remus. He needed a car and someone who wouldn’t ask questions. Remus was good at both of those. As he awaited the reply he quickly went through all his chores including feeding several animals and watering the plants. Remus sent back a reply with many curses and agreed to it. Wonderful.

With that a plan was in action! Follow husband to work and find out how he keeps dying and prevent it! Easy. Patton heard a loud car horn sound repeatedly outside his house and immediately knew that Remus had arrived. He walked outside, wearing his cardigan on his arms instead of around his shoulders to show that he was serious about it. Remus smiled and moved to the passenger seat instead of getting out completely.

“Uh, Remus?” Patton got into the driver’s seat and looked at his friend awkwardly. “I thought I mentioned wanting to do this alone?”

Remus put on his seat belt. “You did, but I’m ignoring you, fuckface! Whatever the fuck you’re doing seems like a fun time and I am extremely bored.” Patton scrunched his nose and pushed up his glasses before starting the car. He knew exactly how Remus was when he was bored and wasn’t a fan of dealing with it. Perhaps someone who kind of knew Janus’s line of work could be helpful. They started driving after Patton set up a GPS route to the workplace. Remus looked at it and back at him. “We’re visiting J-anus and my brother? OH! Are you going to prank them?! It’d be so exciting to set the entire building on fire!”

Patton’s hands tightened on the wheel and glanced at his friend. “No, you know I don’t condone killing people with arson. We’re here to hopefully prevent something that’s going to happen.”

“What’s going to happen? Murder without arson?”

He stopped at a stop sign before making a left turn. Patton shrugged as he corrected the wheel. “I don’t actually know. That’s what I’m going to find out though.” It couldn’t hurt to be honest with Remus, seeing as he didn’t know if the next day was even going to exist in the first place. With a few gross conversations that led to vague responses from Patton, the two finally reached their destination. To find out what the fuck was going to happen to Janus. They walked up to the front building, Patton had a smile on his face that was apparently intimidating according to the reaction of the receptionist. “Hi, sorry to disturb you I was just wondering if Janus Lyre-Hart is in the office today? I’m his husband.”

“Sorry sir... He’s, he’s not actually here today? He was sent on a field mission with two others to deal with an issue with the company.” She stated nervously.

“Where did they go?” Remus asked with more seriousness than Patton had heard in several years. They were told the location and drove there together. Remus had seemed to gage the seriousness of the situation and adjusted SOME of his actions accordingly. “Do you think you’re going to find their entrails all over here or something?” Some actions.

Patton sighed and slammed the car door shut, looking around the place. Just a bunch of buildings. The place seemed completely normal. He noticed a few crows over an old blue wooden bar that didn’t appear significant. Patton started walking towards it and Remus followed, taking huge steps to keep up. The door creaked open and a few of the birds flew away. Patton peaked in and Remus knelt over to peak through underneath Patton’s head. The place was empty. The two stepped in.

“This isn’t as planned out as I’d like.” Patton said, even though his real thoughts were ‘I can try again tomorrow anyway’. Remus walked around, kicking over an empty trash can. It fell over making a loud sound against the floor. Patton flinched but noticed something weird with the floorboards. He kneeled down. “Huh. Hey Remus? I think we just found a trapdoor.”

“Then let’s open it!” Remus exclaimed, and he slammed his fingers around the corners, pulling up. Patton bit a protest and helped. The door lifted and slammed down on, the force of which made a wave of dust fly up. Patton coughed before looking down. There was a metal ladder on one of the walls, small rectangular slots lined up evenly all the way down to the bottom of the tunnel; it was much lower down than he expected. Remus shoved past Patton and started climbing down. He looked back up. “Come on! I wanna see what’s down here! Like a sex dungeon or just a dungeon dungeon! With worms!”

The two reached the bottom and walked until they reached a point with two turns they could go. Remus mentioned splitting up but Patton thought that it was a bad idea. So instead, the two made a right turn right into Logan, Roman, and Janus running rapidly.

“We have to go!” Roman exclaimed, grabbing Remus and Patton. They all turned and started running through to the left turn. Patton tried to look back but Logan kept his head forward. They eventually got out of the tunnels in a different exit. Janus shoved everyone into the car while Logan started the engine. Patton put on his seat belt quietly. Roman turned to look at them from the passenger seat. “What the hell are you guys doing here?!”

“Looking for you shitheads!” Remus exclaimed. “Patton said that something bad was going to happen!”

Janus looked out the window of the speeding car and grimaced. He got out a gun and Patton fought himself to keep his eyes open. It was almost lunch time, it was almost time. “They’re tailing us, Logan!” Janus turned to Patton with softness in his eyes, and his tone became more controlled. “Why do you think something bad is going to happen?”

“Does this not count as bad to you, Janus?!” Patton exclaimed, Remus pushed his back down as a bullet hit the back window. Janus looked at the glass and shrugged. Patton groaned and leaned back on Remus’s shoulder before giving a glance to the back window. There were a few nicely dressed people with guns and were shooting sporadically at the car. “Seriously?! Jan, I can’t explain what’s going to happen because I wasn’t here originally but you have to be careful!”

“I am doing my best to be safe dear, but I also need to do my job.” Janus said coldly before opening the window and shooting back. Logan made a swift turn and Patton grabbed Remus’s hand for comfort. He felt scared and angry at the same time. Janus needed to trust him on this but only Patton even knew what was going on. Next thing he knew, Roman’s arm got shot. He screamed, dropping his weapon out the car window and leaned back on his seat. Patton didn’t see a gun wound in the dreams, so this happened because of the changes he made. The guilt didn’t have time to sink in when one of the bullets hit the car wheels. Logan cursed under his breath as the car swerved and narrowly avoided a tree; it instead flipped on its side. Patton swallowed an ongoing panic in order to unbuckle his seat belt and helped Remus and Janus out of the car. Logan and Roman got caught up with the airbags. Logan quickly unbuckled and maneuvered his way out.

Patton coughed and looked at the car. “So… what now? How do we get Roman out of there?”

“Well, we can’t move him because if he broke something that could ruin his vital organs or bones permanently.” Logan hummed, nonchalantly pulling Remus back from the car. “I think that the best thing we can do now is leave immediately.”

Remus pulled back from Logan’s grasp sharply. “And just leave him here? He could die!”

“We could also die, Remus!” Janus cut in, shaking. Patton froze up, staring at the door. He had a feeling it was already too late. Janus kept yelling, the cars started arriving and the gunshots got louder. But he couldn’t turn his eyes away from the car. It was on its side and even though Patton couldn’t see him, he imagined Roman’s pain. He couldn’t move. “-Atton! You have to get up! Patton! I’m not looping you into this!”

The others had run off, leaving Roman in the car, but Janus was dragging Patton as he blinked back into hearing others again. But it was too late, Patton heard Janus cry out and looked up to him with concern. “Janus? Are you okay?”

He shook his head, tears welling up and Janus hugged him. Patton looked down and saw blood seeping into his shirt. He looked up at his husband and smiled. “I’ll be okay! I’ll be better next time. You’ll be okay next time!” The light sky hurt so he closed his eyes. He felt Janus’s arms trembling around him and wanted to comfort him. But Patton felt like he was turning into static. “Next time will be better, I promise.”

Patton woke up to the same cheerful song on his phone, tired but ready to try again. He sat up and examined his chest. It looked normal and his breathing wasn’t hindered anymore but his brain wanted to believe he was in pain. Patton looked over at Janus, who was breathing normally too. He wasn’t even crying. Janus was okay, Roman was okay, he was okay. Right? If Patton just learned how to do better this time everything would turn out fine. So, he decided not to wake up Janus. Patton closed the blinds on the window and slipped back into bed and cuddled into Janus’s side. Even if his husband did wake up, he tended not to care about following what his job wanted him to do anyways. Whatever that job actually was.

Time passed and eventually Janus did leave. Patton tried to come with him but it didn’t work. And Patton wouldn’t consider himself as stubborn as Janus was. So he let him leave and got on his bicycle to follow him. Patton had visited one of the work locations before, for a potluck or Halloween party usually set up by Roman. It was a secretive place but loved to pretend it was just a normal business.

He walked in and saw Virgil. Which was a bit unusual, seeing as he didn’t actually work with the others either. Not like Patton had much room to judge if he liked to judge. He gave a smile and waved. “Hey, kiddo! What are you up to?”

Virgil waved awkwardly as he walked over, his other hand in his hoodie. “Sup, Pat. Logan wanted to ask something from me I guess? He was being vague about this place, as always, but I just finished. Why are you here?”

He hated lying and Virgil hated being lied to. Patton wasn’t exactly sure how to explain his situation without sounding like he was joking or really sleep deprived. He gave a glance to the receptionist and looked back at his friend. “I don’t really know what I’m doing here. But I am having quite a long day, if you want to talk about it over ice cream with me?”

Patton internally high fived himself for his wonderful pun that no one would get but him.

...

“So, we’re stuck in a loop and every time Janus dies when you don’t do anything but Roman died when you tried to mess with it?” Patton nodded nervously. Virgil thought it through while taking a bite of ice cream from his paper bowl. “That sounds like a personal hell if I’ve ever heard one. Especially for you. But from what you’ve said, the loop will probably end when you manage to save everyone. I’m not sure how exactly you’ll do that but I could help out.”

“You… aren’t freaking out as much as I thought you would.” Patton knew that wasn’t phrased as well as he wanted to, but he was curious about how Virgil felt about everything going on.”

Virgil put down the plastic spoon and made eye contact with Patton. He noticed just how shaky the man was. “Oh I’m absolutely panicking right now, but it’s probably better to deal with it when tomorrow comes or something. Nothing matters right now and that is terrifying to think about. My actions are actually useless. It’s not like I’ll remember what happened right now anyway, right?”

He shook his head. “So far I think I’m the only one who knows about it.” Patton decided he’d just not tell Virgil in the next loop, he didn’t see his dark strange son daily so that wasn’t an issue. Patton didn’t want to give Virgil a panic attack every single time they talked on this day. “What should I do about it? I’ve tried coming to help, or preventing it from happening, or doing nothing, but I’m still here.” Alone.

“Well, putting my pessimism aside for a moment,” Virgil started. “You could tell Janus, Roman, and Logan about what’s happening so they can avoid doing this specific job or whatever until they have a better fleshed out plan. Or… I don’t know, figure out what they’re doing and get to it first.” He opened his mouth before closing it again, and Patton guessed that he probably had another idea that would be upsetting to hear.

Patton leaned forward. “What’s the last one, Virgil?”

“Nothing!” Virgil exclaimed. He calmed down, letting go of the ice cream bowl. “It’s just that maybe you’re supposed to… accepthisdeathandworkthroughthegrief- I don’t know it’s stupid!”

“Oh…” Virgil looked away with his arms crossed. Patton looked down at his now melted ice cream. Roman would be at his house by now but he wasn’t quite sure that it mattered. He looked back up at Virgil, trying not to cry. “I mean I can try out the other things first, right? I really don’t want anyone I love to die if I can prevent it somehow.”

“I know, Pat.” No, you don’t, Patton thought bitterly. He felt guilty but he knew he stood by his thinking no matter how rude it was.

The next time he tried to just wake up earlier, which worked just as well as you would expect. So he called Roman as soon as he woke up instead and told him everything. “So that’s why you shouldn’t do anything about whatever the hell you found earlier today. It’s doomed to fail, and I believe in you kiddo but this absolutely isn’t going to work.”

There was a sigh from the other side of the screen. “Patton, you had a weird dream about a time loop? It happens sometimes, Padre. Janus and I aren’t going to die. Remus doesn’t even work here and you don’t even know where we’re going-”

“Yes I do Roman!” He fought back. One of Virgil’s suggestions was to figure out what the others were doing and to prevent it or solve it before the others did. Patton needed to gather information for that to even work though. “You’re going to an old abandoned blue building that used to be a bar! There’s at least two entrances to the tunnels underneath it and you had a direct route about a mile away from the bar.” Patton sighed, it was hard convincing people about this much of a reach. So, it was time for a different approach. “Look, maybe it is a weird dream but it’s not nothing. Can you at least tell me what you found so I know that you guys are going to be okay?”

He hummed, contemplating for a moment before sighing. “I can’t do that, Patton. Logan and Janus are already on my case about so many things I’m not adding another to the list. We’re going to be okay today, I promise that.” Patton clenched his phone as his friend kept talking. “I’ll visit you after we’re done today! Does that sound good, padre?”

“It sounds great Roman, see you..” Patton responded, ending the call.

True to his word, Patton did hear the door creak open. Roman cried into his arms while Patton just considered what he could do next.

“Logan, is there ANY way you could do what you’re doing today later?” Patton asked, while Remus was walking through the office idly. Logan gave him a confused look as if to indicate that he wanted more information. “I’m going to be straightforward here-”

“Good luck attempting that.” Remus cut in. Logan and Patton stared at him for a moment. He shrugged. “Just saying. Keep talking about your psychic powers or whatever.”

“I’m going to be CLEAR about this.” Patton mended. “Whatever happens at your job today will end with Janus being shot and killed. I can’t really explain why, but you need to do this tomorrow, or plan something. I don’t know! This is really dangerous and I want everyone to be okay.”

There was a moment of silence between the three of them. Logan sat in his seat, thinking everything over while Remus had paused reorganizing the bookshelf to spell ‘penis’ with the first letters of the book titles. It was so silent that Patton could hear the shuffling of people walking through the halls, and the caws of birds that suspiciously sounded like crows. He took a breath and looked at the ceiling to keep himself from crying. Patton knew that he looked like a mess. He was wearing his cardigan instead of around his shoulders and he was so focused on leaving as fast as possible that his hair was completely neglected.

Logan cleared his throat. “It would be unwise for us to completely postpone our mission today.” Patton sniffed and Logan continued through seemingly unaffected. “But I suppose it would be wise to make sure we have bulletproof vests and show up more inconspicuously than we previously planned.”

“Thank you, Lo.” Patton’s voice was quiet, like a sudden breeze could shatter it.

Patton and Remus were ushered out. Remus suggested they go out to sushi to wait and see how it went. There was a place close by and Remus enjoyed eating raw meats. This was a type of food the two frequently compromised on. The drive was quiet if you tuned out whatever loud artist Remus played in his car. Patton didn’t know them but did know that they swore way more than he would normally listen to.

When the car stopped Patton didn’t move or do anything. Remus reminded him to unbuckle and get out of the car before he locked him in. He talked about not wanting his best friend to suffocate without any air and getting trapped by the safety lock completely and having to resort to eating his arm. No matter how grotesque his metaphors were, Patton appreciated knowing that Remus was there for him. He took everything Patton said in stride, not mocking or belittling him. He wasn’t a serious man and he didn’t have to be. Remus was passionate and would do anything for the people he cared about, regardless of how dangerous. Which was exactly why he had to make sure Remus and everyone else survived to some sort of future that didn’t exist yet.

The two picked up their sushi and ate there. Well, Remus did. Patton picked at his a little while listening to the ambient noises of the restaurant. “Do you think they’re going to be okay today?”

“I have no fucking clue.” Remus said. He paused to drink some of the soy sauce from the bottle. “But they stand a better chance with you fighting for them to finally use all those brain cells they’re hogging. I mean, do you hear that they weren’t even planning on wearing bullet proof vests? Do they want to become rag dolls at the end of this?”

Patton snorted, tears brimming his eyes. “I guess I really ragged on Logan, huh?”

Remus took all of Patton’s sushi in his hands and smooshed them together before eating the entire thing. With the food gone it was finally time to leave. When they arrived at the house there was already a car there. Roman’s car. Patton ran into the house to see Roman on the ground, looking very bruised with his hands covered in blood.

“What happened?” He demanded.

“Patton?” Roman asked weakly, looking up at him. “Patton! I’m so sorry, Logan and I, we tried to stop what happened but… Janus died.”

His mind was racing, hearing Remus close the door behind him but he ignored it. “How?”

“He was… umm, stabbed to death. Are you okay?”

Roman’s question was ignored. Patton sat down at the table, turned away from the twins. Stabbed. Not shot. Of course they had multiple types of weapons on them. That was an oversight he couldn’t do again. He’d find a way to save them. They can bring their own guns or knives or they could be warned about what their enemies had prepared for them. Patton’s heart was racing as his hands gripped his head. He’d know what to do.

Patton watched expectedly as Roman walked into the door. “They beat Janus to death.”

Logan went into Patton’s house holding tightly onto his bleeding leg, with his other arm against the wall to keep his balance. The two made eye contact. “Roman and Janus died when they shot the tires of the car and it crashed. I’m the only one who made it.”

“Janus was shot.”

“We just couldn’t save Logan I’m so sorry-”

“Roman was kidnapped and used against us. Janus thought they were bluffing about killing him but then they did.”

Janus died. Logan died. They all died and somehow Virgil found out before him. Roman and Janus died. Logan and Janus died. Janus died. Patton was pulling his hair out. Every time he woke up he had darker eye bags than the last time. He didn’t bother to watch as yet another one of his friends limped through the door at 3 PM on a sunny day ready to announce a tragedy.

“Patton-”

“Who died?” He asked, cutting him off. Patton looked up to see Janus. There was blood coming from his nose that was ignored and drying over his skin. It wasn’t a very common version of this day. He showed up sometimes but Janus was very frequently the one dead. “I already know someone got murdered, Jan. Please just tell me how so I can avoid it next time.”

“What? Next time-” Janus sputtered, shaking his head before looking at Patton. “What the fuck does that mean?! Roman got suffocated to death- why… Do you know what happened? Patton, what’s going on?”

A question so simple with a very difficult answer. Patton stood up to help Janus walk to a chair. Roman. Strangled. How could he warn them about that next time? Janus was talking as Patton continued to walk around the kitchen but he wasn’t listening. He wet a towel and started cleaning up Janus’s face. Janus shut up and Patton gave a tight lipped smile. “I know you aren’t going to believe me but you, Logan, and Roman have been dying every single day for me and I’m trying to make sure you’re all okay in the end. So, next time I’ll tell Logan about things to avoid doing that didn’t work out this specific time. As long as I mess with the timeline something different will happen. One of these days will turn out okay.”

Unless they don’t. Unless he really just has to accept it like Virgil said.

“So you’ve just been handed the world’s most traumatizing time loop?” Janus asked. Patton removed the bloody paper towel and threw it in the trash can. He nodded. “How long have you been stuck here? Just knowing that one of us dies?”

“I don’t know.” Patton answered honestly. He spent so much effort trying to save his friends he hadn’t bothered to keep track of time. Janus rested his hand on Patton’s arm for the littlest amount of comfort. Patton looked up at him with a sad smile, tears brimming his eyes. “What do I do? I can’t get you to stop, you won’t let me come with you, and I don’t want anyone to be hurt anymore.”

They both looked so hurt. Janus had bruises setting in just about everywhere and he winced whenever he made a movement too big or too fast. Patton just looked tired. So incredibly tired, as if he had woken up after a fitful night sleep decades ago and never went back to bed. Janus tried to say something but stopped himself. There was no clear cut answer. Why would there be? It was like he had said earlier, the world’s most traumatizing time loop and Patton was the only one with a ticket to the ride. How do you stop something that’s only goal is to make you suffer? He thought about what Virgil said and grimaced.

Patton fell into Janus’s lap and sobbed. This wasn’t fair, none of it was! And Virgil had to be right about everything. He had to let his husband die. Patton whispered his apologies over and over until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t figure out a way to save him; perhaps there wasn’t a way to save him at all.

Patton wakes up to a happy song playing on his phone and his husband asleep next to him. He didn’t stop the alarm, he didn’t do anything. Janus woke up with a yawn, only to see Patton staring blankly at the ceiling above him. The world felt devoid of life, like the more Patton looked, the world would pause before draining away before him. Janus gave him a shake, asking if he was okay, but Patton didn’t answer. It was no use. Nothing he did would work in the end anyways. Why try? Janus seemed more worried, not a common look on him. Patton looked him over and gave a smile. Would this be the last time he’d see him?

“Are you okay?” He asked, when Patton finally sat up. Patton gave him a hug and let go of it before he wouldn’t be able to. “Patton, do you need me to stay with you?”

“No, I’m okay.” The lie was breathed to life almost hesitantly. His voice felt raspy. Patton knew that this was the right thing to do, but it hurt so much. Why did it have to hurt so much? “Just, just go to work and I’ll be alright.”

So Janus did, and Patton was alright. Janus wasn’t. When Roman came to tell him of the news, Patton was still in bed on his husband’s side. Roman stayed after taking a shower, but his attempts to help were in vain. The world was draining away and there was nothing that could stop it. Roman was sleeping on the floor, holding Patton’s hand.

It kept repeating. Making Patton live the pain every single day, which wasn’t fair. He still cried when Roman would tell him that Janus died. He still made sure that Roman got cleaned up, but nothing changed. Patton couldn’t make it to yesterday, despite trying so hard to move on. Eventually he decided to keep up the routine he would normally have, trying to show the world that he was going to be okay, but that didn’t work either.

Nothing did.

He watered the plants, fed the cat and the turtle, had a glass of water, and hung out with that murder of crows that started following the couple around a few months ago. Patton threw some food at the ground in front of them before sitting down on the patio. He wasn’t really sure what to do. Going to the store probably wouldn’t be helpful, unless he managed to avoid the biker eventually. Janus was already at work and in danger already. Patton sighed and fell to his back. A crow cawed at him.

“What should I do?” He dragged his hands over his face. None of the birds responded, outside of the one that hopped onto his calf. Patton decided that was a sign to go grocery shopping, despite knowing they wouldn’t have all that’s on the list.

It was slightly windy out, causing Patton’s cardigan to drift updraft. A plane went by, supposedly going down towards the airport. He saw a woman chasing a dog with a leash running wild and helped her out. A group of kids were walking to school. And then he reached the grocery store. Patton went in only needing four things: Butter, bread, eggs, and bagels. He already knew they didn’t have butter, but put the rest in the shopping basket. Patton’s hand hovered over Janus’s favorite candy. He blinked slowly, taking a deep breath in and out, before throwing it into the basket. It wasn’t a horrible thing to indulge anyways.

Walking out, the wind had calmed down. He carefully carried his bags, skillfully dodging out of the way of the biker for the first time. Patton stopped walking to watch the person continue on, not knowing about the collision that had occurred between them before. The rest of the way was uneventful. He put away the groceries and decided to make something for Roman when he was going to stop by.

He made some sort of water based soup, Patton wasn’t sure which because he grabbed the one closest to him, only checking the label to make sure it wasn’t cream based. Last time he hadn’t, Roman got really sick. Just as Patton had finished, the door opened. He didn’t say anything and instead got a rag from a cupboard and turned on the hot water.

Roman limped in and leaned against the wall. “Pat, I’m so sorry.” Patton nodded silently, running the rag underneath the sink and started cleaning up the blood on Roman’s face. “Logan and I, we tried to stop what happened but… Janus died.”

Patton’s heart pinged in guilt, still feeling like he could do something. He took the rag off Roman’s face. “Yeah, I know. How about you go take a shower, Roman. You can borrow my clothes for tonight.” Roman had a confused expression but seemed too out of it to say anything. Patton took out some of his clothes, not able to go through Janus’s shirts. He set it outside the bathroom door and spent the rest of his time petting Ladle idly. None of this felt right.

It couldn’t be the right way to go about this, seeing as he awoke again with Janus next to him so many times after. But Patton didn’t know what he COULD do. He stood up a bit too quickly but ignored it. Patton decided he’d finally start putting up his hair again. Not that anyone would know how long he hadn’t bothered to but himself. It would just help. He put in the barrettes and stared at himself in the mirror for a few seconds. Sighing, Patton tied the cardigan to finish his look. Janus walked into the bathroom, brushing his incredibly long hair. He was dressed for work but had yet to grab his hat.

“Hey love, can we talk before you go to work?” Patton asked. Usually he’d be nervous about Janus misinterpreting his tone but currently things like that haven’t really mattered to him.

“Well that’s not ominous at all.” Janus replied as he nodded. He put his hair in a bun and put his hat on top. There was a strip of hair loose, highlighting the scarred side of the man’s face. The two walked to the living room. Upon seeing them, Ladle jumped off the couch and ran into the bedroom presumably to hide under something. “What did you need to talk about?”

Patton took a breath, taking in all the ways this conversation has been messed up before. “You can’t go to work today. I know what you’re going to say-”

“This day is really important,” Janus interjected while Patton said it at the same time as him with a sense of boredom. Janus narrowed his eyes. “Have you been hanging out with Remus more often? There’s no way you were able to copycat that well without practice.”

“Yeah, I guess you could call it practice if you wanted to.” Patton chuckled to himself. “But we’re getting distracted. If any of you guys, including Roman and Logan, go do the thing you need to do today you will die. It won’t be pleasant, and it will happen no matter how many precautions you decide to take. So please, take the day to plan this out better or something. But you can’t risk anything.”

Janus was very taken back but scoffed, to hide the fact he was worried. Patton knew that he wasn’t just going to give in without good reason to. He didn’t want to pull the ‘time loop’ card if he didn’t have to. If he could just move onto tomorrow with no one knowing what had happened he would be satisfied. “We are always careful, Patton. Why do you think today’s going to be any different? We haven’t died yet!”

“But you will! I don’t THINK today’s going to be different, I. KNOW. SO.” Patton was trying to stay as calm as possible, but it really sucked to do that. “If you want me to explain, I can, but it would be so much better for you just to trust me. Please.”

“Patton. I want to know what’s going on. Are you being threatened or something? Why do you believe we’re going to be hurt?” Janus asked.

He took a deep breath, Patton’s heart was breaking faster than his patience. “I’m not being threatened, Janus. I’m stuck. I’m stuck watching you die every single day, only learning when Roman comes into our house at 3 PM when I expected you to sneak out of your work place to eat food with me. And I can’t do anything about it or someone else I care about dies! So I’m stuck! Stuck knowing that it’s going to be windy today, that a biker will break the eggs I bought at the grocery store, and that I got other things there to compensate for the fact that the store doesn’t have butter!” His voice broke as he looked at Janus after he ranted loudly. “I’ve been on this day that it’s easier to focus on my small inconveniences instead of the fact that my husband dies today and I can’t do anything.”

Janus walked over to him, giving Patton a hug. Patton didn’t hug back but put his head on his chest. Everything was silent between the two of them. Janus rubbed circles into Patton’s back. Neither of them were crying. Patton had run out of tears for a long time, and Janus didn’t know enough to understand how horrible the situation was. After a few minutes, Patton pulled back. Janus looked at him, with undivided attention.

“Will you tell the others that the plan today has changed?” He asked. “I can’t let you go into danger. Not when I can do something about it.”

“At this point it would be stupid of me not to. Want to come with to make sure none of the other’s fuck up this day?” Janus suggested, Patton gave a weak smile. “I’ll work hard to not die today by planning ahead and having common sense. It might be quite difficult if your rants suggest anything.”

“Hey,” Patton interjected softly. “You have common sense! I’m not exactly sure how you die but you probably try very hard not to do it. Don’t degrade your worth, Janus.” It was ironic, seeing as how much Janus promoted taking care of yourself and your own self worth in general. Patton tried to get his normal energy but it fell short. He almost literally fell too, but Janus caught him and stood him back up. “I’ll… physically fight you.”

“Of course you will, let’s go tell the other’s okay?”

…

Patton watched as his friends huddled around Logan’s desk coming up with some sort of game plan. He was trying to listen but his exhaustion caught up to him and he mainly focused on staying awake. Roman gave him a concerned look before he kept talking. Clearly, the three were talking about him. The whole reason this was happening was because of Patton. He let Janus argue his points and kept his attention on staring at the small things on Logan’s bookshelf. It was uniform, organized by the author's last name. The only deviation being the small nick knacks and items that the other’s gave him over the years. Patton smiled, even though Logan didn’t see the purpose of the small toys, he still kept them. Things like this reminded Patton how much he loved his friends.

“Okay, what dangers are there that we aren’t prepared for?” Logan asked.

Janus thought for a moment, and looked at Patton. He just barely started listening again. “I wouldn’t really know. What about you, Patton?”

He looked up seeing all of them looking directly back. Patton took a breath. “Well, they have a whole range of weapons. If you aren’t immediately shot and manage to get into the car they’re going to shoot the tires. You could be strangled, hurt in the car wreck, manipulated into a situation where you could put someone else at risk…” Patton trailed off awkwardly. Logan, Roman, and Janus all made eye contact for a brief moment. Patton liked to imagine they could all talk to each other telepathically, even though Logan didn’t think that was logical.

“This seems like a lot,” Roman commented. “Are you sure that you’re not just overthinking every single thing that can go wrong? That sounds more like Virgil’s thing if we’re being real-”

Logan looked at him, confused. “Of course we’re being real, but I don’t see what that has to do with it.” Janus looked like he wanted to cut in but decided not to say anything, simply clearing his throat instead. “Roman the entire point of our job is to make sure we’re prepared for any given situation, why is that a problem?”

“Well, uh, it just-” Roman sputtered through his sentence. “Without taking chances and trying to plan everything out we’re not going to get anything done! How can we be expected to save anyone from danger if we spend all day just thinking about what COULD happen?”

“Without planning at all we’re not going to be able to save ourselves!” Janus argued back. “And if we die that’s not going to do anyone any good.”

He looked over at Patton with a small smile, signalling that he was going to stand up for his side of the argument, which was comforting. Janus was a very persuasive person. But in the end, Patton didn’t care what conclusion they went to as long as they lasted to the end of the day. Logan looked between his two coworkers and friends, sighing. “Well clearly we need a healthy balance instead. If we put too much weight on taking risks or preparing, it won’t be productive either way.”

“So…” Roman started. “Yerkes-Dodson curve again?”

Logan looked at him, unimpressed. “Yes, the Yerkes-Dodson curve again.”

He didn’t really understand what that was referencing, but Patton decided to speak up again. “So you’re going to spend the rest of the day coming up with a flexible but concrete plan for tomorrow?”

“That does sound like the consensus.” Janus shrugged. No one else argued.

By the time the three were done planning, Patton had fallen asleep on the chair he was on. Janus gently picked up his husband on his back. Patton’s arms fell loosely around his neck as he was coming out of unconsciousness. The car ride was quiet, and they reached home. Janus waved to Remus before heading inside, helping Patton follow along.

It was 6 PM. The longest that anyone had lived on that day. Patton was suddenly awake when he realized that. His grip on Janus’s shirt tightened significantly. But the two still didn’t say anything. Patton took out his barrettes and ponytail. He shook out his hair, looking at himself in the mirror again as he took off the cardigan. Janus was making a quick dinner for the two of them. Patton had to keep reminding himself that Janus was still there, still alive. He almost believed that something would keep going wrong, and that wouldn’t be fair. None of it seemed fair though, so it was possible. Patton gave himself a nod. “It’s going to be okay.”

After they ate, Janus and Patton got into pajamas. They laid on top of the blankets, holding hands despite facing opposite ways. Janus cleared his throat. “What are you going to do if today repeats again, Patton?”

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “I mean obviously I’ll try to keep you all alive but I’m going to try different things. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten. I keep thinking that you’ll die in front of me or that Roman and Logan already died and I just don’t yet. Virgil suggested that I might just have to accept the fact that you’re going to die. I certainly don’t want that to be true.”

Janus nodded solemnly. “I mean I guess it’s finally been proven that I can die now.”

Patton hit him softly with his free hand. “No jokes! This is a serious time, we gotta be serious.” Janus gave him a look, some mix between mock offended and trying desperately not to laugh. “JAn! Stop trying to make me laugh- no stop poking my face- I’m trying to have a conversation with you-” He was cut off by his own laughter, followed by his husband’s laughter. Patton’s laugh turned into crying. The two sat up. “You’ll be okay, right Jan? I don’t want this to be the last time we joke around like this. I’ll miss you so much.”

There was a pause, and then Janus cradled Patton’s check with one of his hands. “You’re strong, Patton. If anyone had the moral capability to save everyone repeatedly, it would be you. Then again, I’ll ask you to consider taking up a therapist when you do get out of the time loop, regardless of the end result.”

“Fair enough.” Patton allowed Janus to pull him into a kiss. It was short. When they pulled away Patton pulled them into a hug. “Can you stay up with me until twelve? I want to make sure that tomorrow will actually come.”

“Of course, dear.”

Time passed. Patton and Janus mostly just bothered Ladle when she went into the room, talked about things that didn’t matter, and kept each other company. Patton checked the clock on the bedside table and his phone with basically every free thought he had. Janus tried to distract him with a movie playing on his laptop, but his hand remained on his phone. They finished the movie when it turned 11 PM.

“So, should we play another movie or just scroll on our phones or something?” Janus asked. Patton hummed for a moment, giving a look. Janus narrowed his eyebrows, feigning suspicion. “Oh, you want to do a special thing don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Patton relented. “Something simple though! I haven’t made any of the loops, so it’s been awhile for me. Please? If we start now we might be able to finish before midnight!”

So they made cookies. Despite being on a time limit, the two spent plenty of it messing around. Janus ate some of the cookie dough after the chocolate chips were put in despite Patton’s insistence not to. But after a very small amount of convincing, Patton ate cookie dough as well. Janus put in the first batch of cookies at about 11:47. So maybe they should have rushed just a little bit more. Patton looked at Janus, with innocence in his expression but mischievousness in his heart. “Looks like we’re in a real time crunch now, huh?”

“Patton. We have been married for three years and four months but I’m willing to end it there if you continue to keep doing this to me.” If someone who didn’t know Janus heard him say that, they would’ve believed that he was being completely honest. Patton though, just laughed proudly. Janus sat on the floor, across from the oven, watching the cookies and pretending not to pay attention to Patton.

“Come on, Jan!” Patton exclaimed, shaking his shoulders. “If this really is the last of the time loop I got to end with a sweet pun!”

Before there could be any more arguments, or god forbid, puns the timer went off and the first batch of cookies were done. Patton took out the tray as Janus put in the next one. The two checked the time. 11:58. Janus lifted the cookie. “Looks like there’s no time to let it cool. I want to have at least one cookie if the day is going to reset anyways.”

“Well, I guess just this once, it’s okay.” Patton said, picking up his own cookie. He looked at the clock to see they only had one minute left. Patton made eye contact with Janus. “If this day repeats, I just want you to know that I’ll never stop until I save you.”

“I know.” and they both took bites into the cookies.

Patton looked at the clock after a moment. He chewed and swallowed the cookie, seeing that it was 12 AM. Patton looked quickly back at Janus, who was there and alive. Janus put down his cookie just as he was enveloped in a hug. Patton was crying already, holding onto him like he was going to disappear at any moment. “You’re alive! You’re alive… It’s finally over. I’m not stuck anymore.”

He cried into Janus’s shoulder, finally breathing in a new today.

Taglist: @rosalynravenclaw16 @genderkwerfirebird @littlefufu10 @hailcap85 @infawrit10 @dontask25 @shinekittenace @reginaofdoctorwho @harmonydiaries @tomori-outtit @wundergirllovesyou @you-gay-bitch @tradernate @vinnievinvibing @gender-guts @the-dead-and-the-decaying @qtkittencorn @elsecaller617 @made-of-love-and-loneliness @venus-virgil77 @sablesides @mainfor-theo @inge-nine @drunk-logan-cursed-facts @pastelpatton @gay-artist-626 @ace-ace-in-yo-face @lemonlinelights @mk-wastebin @kayte-wren @jaunssanders @asdfghjklicia

#sander sides #emile writes #writing #moceit #moceit timeloop au #patton sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #long post #fake shitpost #that took about 52 days total #apparently #idk that's just how long it's been since the first post about it #anyways if i need to add more content warnings please tell me

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pocket-void · 4 years ago

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Ok so the lighting in my room ain’t great and the quality is admittedly lacking, but I decided to draw the main 4 sides in my sketchbook since I can draw lighter with an actual pencil. ^\\\^ Quality might be better if you click on the image, but I’m not quite sure lmao-

My awful handwriting just has my basic design notes because I decided to actually write them down! I’m a lil inconsistent with my art at times so I wanna just keep some stuff in mind^^ If you wanna actually know what I wrote and can’t read it I’ll write them down under the cut along with a tiny bit extra. u///u

Was gonna ink these but I am not confident in my ability to do that rn. o///o

Patton

Kind of rounded fluffy hair (Soft!)

He smiles big!

I give him hairclips sometimes (freckles too, maybe)

Big round eyes + glasses, slightly rounded face & nose

I love the cat cardigan ;///;

I try to keep him broad-ish in my mind because Big Hugs! (Though I guess I draw him pretty thin?)

He can go :3 sometimes. Only sometimes. o///o

I draw him typically shorter than Roman but taller than Virgil.

He gets the most lil blushes

He makes me happy when he’s nice and trying his best

Logan

I actually think his hair makes no sense, but I like it too much at this point. u///u

I also like making him tall

I like drawing big glasses that go over eyes, but I like him with thinner glasses too.

Decidedly longer/sharper features.

I make him very broad for purely personal reasons

He has subtler emotions but he does have them!

I usually draw him with sterner expressions but the gentle smile is also super nice.

I never draw him with a watch for some reason

Love him. Just love him. Logan content makes me happy and I wish him the best.

Virgil

Small side braid!!! Very important, yes it’s staying. o///o

I put piercing sometimes but not always? Dunno why.

Hair is shorter/messier than Patton

Slightly sharper features (Mainly the nose and chin, kinda)

Love his patches SO much.

I like to draw him short, but he’ll still fight you.

The shortest side is typically him or Janus depending on how I’m feelin

I draw him with purple or gold eyes.

The green and purple heterochromia lowkey confuses me because a lot of people do it but I don’t know why or where it came from.

I like the grey and purple heterochromia idea tho.

He’s got the funniest fanon depictions to me, but I honestly like that.

Roman

Lil crown!!

Sparkles!!!

Lil bitty hair that flips up in the back (No idea why I gave him that)

Hair is longer on one side, kinda wavy & fluffy

Did not originally mean for his hair to be that long, but I kinda like it now so it’s also staying.

He has round features as well, but a longer face

He gets the toothy smiles!

Love the prince man’s outfit. Absolutely fabulous! >///<

I give him eyelashes sometimes but I dunno

He’s great and I love him but god damn there’s so much a n g s t for this poor lad

Understandable, but good god-

#My hand feels pretty alright today #gonna try and do an AU update #because it's the one where I close asks #mockdoodles #sanders sides #sanders sides doodles #patton sanders #ts patton #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil #roman sanders #ts roman

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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years ago

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Day 5: Logicality

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 5 - Any intense emotions your soulmate feels you will also experience.

Content Warning: strong emotion (duh), yelling, food mentions (one line).

Word count: 1.8k

He remembered back in high school, when things had gotten rough for him. Not that they had a reason to. Virgil had told him countless times that it was okay that he didn’t have a reason, he was allowed to feel sad just because, but his childhood friend’s words meant nothing during the times he was curled up on his bed at three am with a black hole in his chest, quietly sobbing apologies to the soulmate that could certainly feel his sadness as intensely as he did. If it was just him suffering, it wouldn’t have been so bad.

When university began, and his mental health began to improve, Patton was giddy. It took him a few months to adjust to missing his family, getting used to the crowded dorms, and the increased pressure of classes. Except now the classes were about things he really enjoyed, clearly pushing him forward in his Psychology career, and the people were so much nicer than in highschool. Bullies didn’t really… exist in college, not the way they did back there, and he found himself flourishing.

But now, no longer constantly focused on his mental health and that alone, a part of him, deep inside, was a little bit worried that he didn’t even have a soulmate. He never really felt the strong emotions his friends claimed to feel, emotions clearly detached from them but oh so real. Virgil was privy to spurts of pure courage, almost ecstasy, that would have him jumping off his bed to pace on the floor with a huge grin stretched across his face, trying to dispel the energy. Janus, a friend he made in one of his psych classes, sometimes talked about the negative emotions he got from his soulmate, the surges of hatred and bitterness that made him curl his slender fingers around the nearest object until it snapped or his fingers cramped up. The borrowed emotion, both good and bad, were something Patton hadn’t experienced yet, and the implications of that frightened him. He wanted a soulmate so badly… he would be crushed if he didn’t have one.

These were the thoughts rushing through his mind as the three of them walked into Philosophy 109, Virgil and Janus having an animated conversation about last classes homework. Something about Karl Marx; he wasn’t sure what they were torn about, exactly. He always had a tough time listening in this class, not due to the content of the lectures, but just because something about the prof set him on edge. Virgil offered that ‘his voice is kind of irritating’ and Janus pitched in that ‘his slides are always sloppy’, but none of that was quite… it. It wasn’t anything he could put a finger on, but just walking into the classroom had him stewing slightly.

Just as Janus was seemingly reaching the peak of his arguments, hands waving wildly, Virgil dug his elbow into Patton’s ribs.

“Hey, did you want to get dinner after class or wait until before English?”

The elbow in his side hurt, and before he realized what he was doing, Patton had shoved Virgil off of him. The shorter man stumbled, nearly knocking into the professor that had just walked into the room before catching his balance. His brows furrowed.

“Dude, you good?”

Patton’s eyes widened, almost comically, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Virgil glanced at Janus, who merely shrugged, “Class is about to start.” He gestured meekly at their usual table and they sat, Patton taking the aisle spot before Janus could. Another look was shared between the other two. Patton was usually overly eager to sit in the middle, giggling at Virgil’s snarky notes and stealing Janus’ snacks, but right now he felt on edge. Defensive. Angry.

Huh- that was new.

His leg shook under the table as the professor greeted the class, nearly knocking Virgil’s travel mug off the table if it weren’t for his quick reflexes. He was running frantically through his mind, trying to find the trigger that had caused his anger. The day so far had been nothing unusual; morning classes and lunch at the cafeteria (grilled cheese, heck yeah), study session with the dorm in the lawn outside his building. Nothing had gone wrong, and even if this prof wasn’t his favorite, it wasn’t anything he couldn't get over so why-

Oh.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, it occurred to him that these weren’t his feelings. This wasn’t him. And that thought alone should have snapped him out of it, should have made him jump up and dance on the table because oh my goodness he actually has a soulmate, his worries were for nothing!

Except he couldn’t. Virgil’s concerned glances were increasing in frequency as his pen dug into his paper, trying his hardest to concentrate on the lecture over the raging blood in his ears. His teeth hurt, and he realized he was clenching his jaw hard enough to bite through rock. His leg still jittered, his notes were becoming more sloppy, and for the love of god, if this prof doesn’t stop talking I’m going to-

“WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY?”

At first, Patton thought he was the one who said it. His note paper had been ripped from his notebook, crumpled beneath his fist, and Virgil and Janus sure both looked shocked enough. But then the voice continued, coming from the back of the class.

“You’re a terrible professor, are you aware of that?! Did you get your teaching degree from a fucking Dollar Store?! I’m surprised you graduated middle school, you half-witted, socially insensitive, entitled, piece of-”

“Mr. Starr, out of my classroom! Now!” The prof bellowed, causing Virgil to shrink into his hoodie. The man flew past the three of them, slamming the door behind him. Patton didn’t even realize he was following him, water bottle in hand, until the prof tried to call him back to his seat, which he ignored.

That was his soulmate, he was sure of it.

By the time he was standing in the empty hallway, his rage had started to calm down. His hand was starting to unfurl, leaving red crescents in his palms from his nails, but he could still feel the simmering anger rolling and lapping at his insides. Curling around his stomach, pushing at his heart, twisting in his fingertips like a flag in a gentle wind.

A slam down the hallway reminded Patton of what he’d set out to do, and he took off after the sound, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t lose the man he was chasing. After that freak-out, he wouldn’t be surprised if the man dropped the class, since he obviously hated the prof so much. And he didn’t get a good enough look at him, so if he lost him now, who’s to say when he would find him again?

Patton exited the building, assuming this was the door he’d heard a moment ago, panting slightly. He surveyed the parking lot desperately, the lawn surrounding the building, the walkways leading across the campus like vines, and… yes! There he was, standing against one of the trees, head tucked to his chest, hands shoved into his pockets almost aggressively.

This is stupid, what are you even going to say? He pondered as he crossed the grass quickly, sizing up the man in front of him. Black button up, blue jeans, hair pushed out of his face, and Patton was reminded of just how gay he was. This man was gorgeous, in an I-could-kill-you kind of way.

He didn’t acknowledge Patton as he approached, but he could see the man watching him out of the corner of his eye suspiciously. Wordlessly, Patton handed him the bottle of water, trying to hide a smile when he took it hesitantly, popping the top off and taking a sip.

“Thank you.”

“No problem,” Patton squeaked, taking it back when he was done.

“I didn’t expect anyone to follow me.”

“Well…” He gestured to himself lightly, giggling, “I’m here.”

The man stood his ground, seemingly uncomfortable with the attention, “You don’t have to stay. I wouldn’t want you to fall behind.”

“Nonsense!” Patton grinned, “I’ll just steal a friend’s notes. Plus, I’m sure you need someone to talk to.”

“I don’t want to bother you-”

“I’m not bothered! I’m serious. Sit down.” Patton gestured at the ground, flopping down onto the lawn. He looked at him warily, like he was weighing the pros and cons in his head, before joining him, leaning against the tree.

“I’m Patton, by the way.”

“Logan.”

“Nice to meet ya, Logan! So, why d'ya scream at Jacobson like that?” He said it lightly, but he didn’t miss the slight wince from the other.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m not generally one to lose my temper. It’s just…” He looked like he wanted to apologize more, stop talking, like he was being a nuisance. Patton gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile and a nod, which seemed to be enough to spur the other on.

“I can’t stand him. He injects his own philosophies and values into the concepts we’re studying, and it muddles the main ideologies to the point where it’s hardly about the original topic anymore. It’s as if he’s teaching a course on himself.”

“Why don’t you just drop it?” He hadn’t meant it to sound so cutting, but if Logan was bothered, he didn’t show it in the small shake of his head.

“I need the credit. And by the time I realized how flawed his lessons are, it was past the drop date. I didn’t have time to fill out the paperwork, so I figured I’d muscle through it.”

“Well… it is half way through the semester, so you did pretty good.”

He murmured something under his breath that Patton didn’t catch, something that sounded suspiciously like ‘not good enough’, before looking up to meet Patton’s eyes for the first time. Boy oh boy, if Patton hadn’t been able to breathe before, he was fairly certain he would die at this point.

“Why did you follow me?”

It was at that point that it occurred to Patton: he had no proof. Sure, the rise and peak of his mysterious anger coincided perfectly with Logan’s outburst, but if their interaction so far was anything to go by, this guy wouldn’t fully trust something that wasn’t one hundred percent factual. Claiming to be his soulmate might just scare him away, and for all that was good and holy, Patton didn’t want that to happen. So… he’d waited nineteen years to meet his soulmate, he could take it slow. Bring up his history with depression, the emotions that Logan must have felt at the same time, and maybe, hopefully, let him come to his own conclusions. He wasn’t in a rush.

“I just thought you might want a friend.”

#lywrites #tsshipmonth2020 #sanders sides #logicality #patton sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanderssides #ts soulmate au

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lynnorwhatever · 5 years ago

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I have a head canon the Janus is the shortest of all the sides, so he wears a hat and shoes with heels to seem taller.

More height head canons under the cut

I think what with the sides different clothes and hair, it may look different than it actually is. Here’s my idea of it with them in their normal clothes and hair: (tallest to shortest)

Logan - Janus - Remus - Roman - Thomas - Patton - Virgil

Now, if we eliminate hair and shoes:

Logan (he’s just tall) - Roman - Remus (the bros are nearly the same, but Remus is an inch shorter. so he has heeled boots.) - Virgil (he normally has a slouch) Thomas - Patton - Janus (he he he shortie)

#ts #sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #height chart #headcanon #my art #sketch #comic

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lovelivingmydreams · 4 years ago

Text

A story by Heroes and Vilains. Logan Anker: Allies

No man is an island. We all need others to rely on.

Previous chapters in masterpost

“You are sure I don’t have to compensate you for your trouble? Yesterday was only a few hours but…”

“Virgil is an absolute angel Logan. He is no trouble at all. You get to work,” Celine assured him.

Logan nodded and knelt down to look at Virgil.

“I have to go to work Virgil. But I will be back in the evening okay?” he asked calmly.

Virgil nodded, squeezing his Stitch tightly to his chest.

“If you need me, just ask for me okay? Promise?” Logan asked.

“Pwomise,” Virgil said as he stepped forward, putting his arms around Logan’s neck in a hug.

“Bye papa,” he said before letting go.

Logan smiled a little and ruffled Virgil’s hair. “Be a good boy okay?”

Virgil nodded again. Logan got up and left, forcing himself not to look back. He felt like he had more trouble with being apart from Virgil then the other way around. Which he supposed was a good sign. It meant Virgil was enjoying his time with the neighbors and that they were as nice as they seemed.

Thomas, as the dean of the college Logan would be teaching at, was of course the one to show him around campus. It was a pleasant work environment as far as Logan could tell.

Big open spaces, the lecture halls were well lit and had good airflow.

Not to mention state of the art educational material and…

“Oh, Thomas! There you are! I was looking for you all over, but then Talyn told me you were showing around a new professor and…” Logan looked up at the cheerful voice and his eyes found a freckled face holding two wide, innocently blue eyes. When their eyes locked the man cut of his rant.

“Oh… Hi,” the man smiled a little sheepishly.

Logan collected himself and approached the man to greet him. “Greetings. I am Logan Anker. I will be starting here next fall,” he explained.

“Patton Bonair! Very nice to meet you,” the man, Dr. Bonair shook his hand excitedly and while normally he would find that overwhelming or even annoying, there was such a pure sincere joy in his eyes that he could only classify the behavior as endearing.

“I teach moral philosophy. Just started last year not too long before our new dean here. We’re all so proud of Thomas for getting that position! He is young, but he is very fit for the job just you wait and see!”

Logan could appreciate Paton sticking up for Thomas. “Yes. Thomas and I met in high school and I had the pleasure of being his roommate in college. He is a very capable man. I trust him to make well informed decision in the faculty and the student body’s best interest,” Logan assured Patton in turn.

“Oh that’s so exciting!!!” Patton giggled. It was a rather pleasant sound.

“I bet you have tons of fun stories,” the other man winked.

Ah. “Nice try. But I will not be divulging such information,” Logan stated firmly.

“Aw, Logan! I knew you secretly cared.”

“I merely assumed that this would make for a mutual beneficial arrangement. I don’t reveal any personal information about you without your consent and you regard my private life with the same amount of respect,” Logan stressed. Not comfortable in showing any kind of fondness for his ally and friend. Not in front of a stranger. Not even if it was a very kind and cute stranger.

One who was watching the exchanged with a very sweet smile and now clapped his hands in excitement as the lights of an idea sparkled in his eyes.

“Why don’t you come over next Friday for movie night? You can get to know some more people and…”

“Apologies but I have prior commitments,” Logan stated before Patton got too worked up over the evening.

“Oh…” Patton deflated at that. “Well I’m sorry I didn’t…”

“Don’t take it personal Pat. Logan isn’t trying to get out of spending time with you. If he was he would just say he didn’t want to come. Trust me,” Thomas explained.

Logan nodded. “Indeed. Speaking of which I should get settled in. I wanted to call Virgil over my break,” he stated as he swiftly left the room.

Virgil was, from the sound of it, doing rather well in his absence. Logan assured him that he would be home soon before hanging up and getting ready to join Thomas in the basement.

Time to get settled into his role as a manufacturer of support items for heroes and a tutor for young heroes in training.

He donned his disguise and his new Shade glasses that cast a shadow over his face so that even someone who stood nose to nose with him wouldn’t be able to discern any facial features or the voice modifier he was wearing to make his voice more monotone and robotic.

He arrived in a conference room where Manifestor and one other person were waiting for him.

“Ah! Brain Storm! Let me introduce you to Sweets. He is an empath and will be assisting you in teaching any young heroes in training. Sweets you’ve probably heard of Brain Storm.”

Logan prepared for judgement and distrust… But that was not what he got.

“It is very nice to meet you,” Sweets stated warmly as he offered his hand. He seemed sincere.

Logan simply nodded. Distance was key. Sweets was clearly disappointed to find him unwilling to exchange more than the most basic of pleasantries. With his colleagues it was hard to escape. But down here, Thomas could explain his aversion to closeness of any kind.

He had a handle on his gift around Virgil. Having him as an emotional anchor actually helped prevent any flare ups even when he lost hold of his emotions.

Maybe he should discuss possible ways to extend this effect to his work environment in some way with Picani next week.

“Oh like a talisman? That sounds like an excellent idea Logan. I must say I am proud of you for making so much progress on your own!” Picani told him warmly.

“It would be nice if you could allow yourself to actually get along with your colleagues. Both as Logan and as Brainstorm,” he finished.

Logan wasn’t sure if he needed that. He did care about being able to actually express some excitement while giving lectures next semester. But he didn’t think any of his colleagues would really benefit from a friendship with him. He was already at his limit of social pleasantries when interacting with his helpful neighbors and he liked them well enough. Thomas wasn’t as exhausting since he knew all his edges and accepted them for what they were. People like Patton were better off never having to deal with those.

When he went to pick up Virgil that evening David opened the door with a smile.

“They are in the garden,” he told him as he led him to the backdoor.

He opened the door and both men looked around, trying to spot the boys.

When they found them though they saw Virgil curled up in a ball shaking with sobs as Janus tried to comfort his friend.

“Virgil!!!?” Logan called out as he rushed over. Virgil stiffened and tightened his hold of his legs.

Logan let himself fall to his knees. “What happened? Are you hurt?” he whispered in an attempt to soothe him with a softer tone of voice. Virgil didn’t respond.

Logan looked up to the other boy. “Janus? What happened here?” he asked desperately wanting to know what had happened to his son.

Janus bit his lip nervously and shook his head. “I don’t know…”

Well obviously that was a lie. “Janus… you are not in trouble. But you will be if you lie about this. Now what happened to Virgil?” he tried to stay calm but he was on his last nerve. The only reason why things weren’t exploding left and right was because he had his hands on his shaking son who he didn’t want to frighten any more.

Janus looked down. “Stitch,” he muttered.

Logan let out a sigh of relief and turned back to Virgil.

“Virgil… are you upset because your Stich got torn or dirty?” Logan guessed.

Virgil hiccupped and a faint move of his head seemed like a nod.

“Can I see him? Maybe I can repair the damage?” he suggested gently.

Virgil looked up tears and snot running down his face. On any other kid it would have undoubtedly repulsed Logan. But this was Virgil and so he only cared that his son was upset.

“Not mad?” he wondered.

Logan allowed a gentle smile. “Of course not. Accidents happen. I am just glad you aren’t hurt. Now let me see…”

Virgil let go of his legs and retrieved the plush from it’s hiding place against his stomach. A good chunk of the ear had come off. From the looks of it it would be easier to cut off the top bit and close the lower one up.

And Logan had an idea of how to soften the blow of the loss of stitch’s ear.

“I think I can do something about this. Let’s go home,” he told Virgil.

His son nodded and waved goodbye to his friend.

Once home Logan got to work. He cut and sewed and he dug in his desk for a surprise for Virgil.

He came back downstairs and handed Virgil the repaired doll. Virgil inspected the shorter ear for a minute and then nodded in approval. “Little, broken, good,” he murmured. Paraphrasing his favorite quote of his favorite movie.

“Indeed and look.” Logan showed the little pouch he’d made from the remains of the ear.

And then he opened the box he’d retrieved from his desk. Virgil’s eyes widened when he noticed it contained all the rocks and leaves and feathers he’d given Logan over the past month. All things that Virgil had considered valuable and so they meant the world to Logan.

“How about we pick out some things to bring with me tomorrow? To keep me safe?”

He was in the unique position where this wasn’t a lie to give the child some sense of control over the separation with their parental figure. This ‘talisman’ would help him keep himself grounded, to remind himself why he couldn’t make mistakes.

Virgil smiled and nodded and carefully selected the best treasures and put them on Logan’s palm, one after the other so he could put them in. Logan took as much care with his task as Virgil did.

“There. Now, how about dinner?”

“Okay Virgil, dad has to go now. You be good to Janus’ papa okay? I’ll see you tonight,” Logan promised as he finished off his daily check in call with his son.

“Bye, bye daddy! Luv you!” Logan felt his heart fill with warmth at that. “Love you too Virgil,” he said softly. Virgil had only recently started saying ‘I love you’, and he seemed to understand the weight of the words, if the look in his eyes every time he used them was anything to go by. Logan was not usually comfortable with voicing his feelings, not even to Virgil. But over the phone he felt less vulnerable and had an easier time returning the sentiment.

“Hi Logan. How are you settling in?”

Logan looked up and was rather happy to see Patton walk in.

He would be foolish not to acknowledge the butterflies in his stomach every time Patton entered a room. But he had no time for relationships, he was still getting used to being a father. Not to mention, he did not trust himself around others enough to even consider letting a stranger in that much. No Virgil had to be his priority and he was already going through enough changes as it was. Besides, who wanted to date a man with a two year old toddler?

“Patton. I am doing quite well. I feel like I am ready for the start of the year.” He gestured to his desk, which he had made his own. An old space themed mug to hold his pens, a clear box for notecards in case he needed to write himself reminders and of course a picture of Virgil taking a nap with his Stitch and his blanket.

“Oh! Who is that precious little angel!” Patton squealed pointing at the picture.

Logan couldn’t help a smile. “Virgil. My… My son,” he said. It was the first time he called Virgil that out loud and it filled him with a warm pride.

“Oh… That is Virgil… How old is he?” Patton wondered beaming at him in a way only Patton could make look sincere.

“Two. Though he’s only been my son for the past two months. He’s rather well behaved for his age.” Logan caught himself about to start boasting about his boy and smiled apologetically at Patton.

“You sound very happy to have him,” Patton pointed out.

“I am…. He is my entire world,” Logan confessed.

Logan kept going to see Picani once a week for about two years. He didn’t stop going after that. But he didn’t need the weekly sessions anymore and he preferred to spend that time with Virgil.

Teaching was every bit as fulfilling as he’d hoped it would be and his talisman worked without fail.

So far he had yet to be involved with any heroes in training. Keeping to developing exercises for civilian gifted, reviewing data and creating tech for sanctioned active heroes.

Virgil and Janus had made it through kindergarten together and had just begun elementary school.

And for whatever reason Virgil had decided to start playing matchmaker. So Logan sat him down to explain homosexuality to him, in terms Virgil would understand.

“It isn’t funny Thomas,” Logan grumbled over lunch while his friend was figuratively dying of laughter.

“What isn’t funny?” Patton wondered as he joined them.

“Virgil tried to set Logan up with some random woman from the park and he decided now was a good time to…” Thomas stopped himself and looked at Logan questioningly.

“It is fine Thomas. I see no reason to keep this from Patton.” He turned to their kindhearted friend. If anyone was going to be accepting it’d be him right.

“I came out as gay to my son this weekend.” He then turned back to Thomas.

“And there is no point in hiding this from him. If we want the LGBTQ+ community to get normalized we have to start with treating it as normal in front of the children, wouldn’t you agree?”

Thomas thought of that for a moment and nodded. “Yes, I suppose you are right. Should I come out next time I see him then?” Thomas wondered.

“You can if you want to.”

Logan would come to regret that later. Because Virgil’s conclusion to that revelation was that he should get uncle Thomas to be his dad’s boyfriend.

Time just kept spinning out of control and before Logan knew it, Virgil was in middle school.

It wasn’t long before Virgil made a new friend there. He and Janus were spending a lot of time with a boy named Remus, as Logan came to understand. They never invited him over as far as he was aware, but he was with them often during recess.

Until one day at the start of seventh grade Virgil came home rather upset. Remus was pulled out of school due to a rather persistent bullying problem.

“Why didn’t you tell me about that Virgil? Me and Mr. and Mrs. Bullard we could have talked to the teachers and…”

“I thought you’d say I couldn’t be friends with him anymore…” Virgil admitted.

Logan was shocked by that reveal. “Why would I say that?” he asked dumbfounded. When had he ever given Virgil the idea he would prefer he abandon kids who needed a friend the most?

“You say I shouldn’t look for trouble and…”

Oh… Oh. Logan had very soon realized that his son had inherited his birthparent’s selfless and protective nature and he had feared that this would end up getting him in trouble.

So he’d tried to caution him against reckless behavior. This, however, seemed to have left a very wrong impression with his son. That was something he should talk about with Picani.

“Oh, Virgil. I didn’t mean I wanted you to turn away from people who need help. I just meant… Sometimes being brave, being a hero means knowing when you need to ask for help. Promise me that next time, you’ll let people help you okay?”

Virgil nodded and gave him a hug.

And then, not a week later…

“And then this boy pushed the mean kid away and he turned out to be Remus’ twin Roman!”

After that Roman was talked about a lot. Logan had a suspicion that his son had a small crush on the boy and he didn’t know how to feel.

“That is so adorable!” Patton squealed when Logan explained the situation. Logan didn’t know how it had happened exactly. But he often found himself turning to Patton when he sought advice on how to handle certain problems in raising Virgil.

“I’m not ready for him to have crushes though Patton. It is impossible. It feels like only yesterday he struggled to sleep without his blanket and now…” Now his blanket and worn out stitch plushy had gotten a more decorative spot in his son’s room.

How much longer before Logan became just as obsolete?

He gently squeezed the talisman to ground himself and keep his thoughts from spiraling.

“It’s a part of life Logie.” Patton and only Patton got away with calling him that. He didn’t have the heart to ask him to stop.

“But rest assured you will always be important to Virgil. You’re his dad. How can you not be?”

Logan relaxed at that. Right. At the end of the day, Virgil was his son, nothing could change that.

Not even the unforgiving sands of time that had Virgil come down the first day of summer before his freshman year of high school with dyed hair and a new hoodie, announcing himself as bisexual.

Logan felt happy that Virgil felt comfortable telling him this. But also a squeeze in his heart as he realized that once more his boy was growing up.

Virgil had started experimenting with make up a few weeks ago and it was clear he was setting up a shield against the world. Logan just feared that he’d end up being kept out by that shield as well.

4)Pupil

Masterlist

@moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043 @angelic-cali

#sanders sides #ts sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #hero au #fic #logicality #prinxiety

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logical-little-lies · 5 years ago

Text

Making Up and Making Out-Agere!Sides AU (pt.32)

warnings!!: Implied making out/smut near the end, and panic attack/mental breakdown in first scenes of this chapter!

Little Roman was panicking. He wanted to cuddle and be held by Virgil, but he felt like he didn't deserve it. He wanted comfort, more then anything. But he wasn't ready to ask for it. He was scared, and lonely. His breathing speed up, and his eyes glossed over. The rule was that he had to find his carer when he was little, and if he wasn't available, find Patton or Logan to babysit.

Virgil wasn't exactly unavailable, but he was close enough in Roman's mind. Roman had never felt so anxious while little, he sniffled and tried to slow his breathing. He'd helped Virgil through enough panic attacks to know what was happening. He tried to be big, he swears, but he couldn't seem to erase the childlike fogginess. He was in pajamas still, he hadn't gotten up to eat, and it was at least noon.

Roman was trying to gather the courage to go out and find one of the glasses-clad sides when a knock sounded at his door. He whimpered. What if it was daddy? Would he be angry, and yell again?

"Roman, it's later than usual for you, and I just wanted to ask if you were okay," He heard Virgil's voice first, followed by Patton's.

"If not, maybe we can talk this over while making cookies?" Patton was the one who decided to turn the doorknob and let himself in. Virgil's eyes landed on Roman, who had obviously been crying. Roman found his bunny stuffed animal from Easter, quickly cuddling it to his chest in order to try and calm himself down again. You could tell he was visually panicking.

"Roman, are you alright?" Patton was quick to run to the side of the bed, crouching down to Roman's height. He gave a pout while motioning to be hugged by Patton. "Oh no," he muttered, looking to Virgil, "The emotional stress must've caused him to regress."

Roman was in Patton's arms quickly. Virgil tried to come stand by Patton, but Roman shied away.

"Woah, what was that for?" Virgil tried to lighten the mood with a chuckle.

Roman lifted his head out of Patton's chest. "What is it, little prince?" Patton had the strength to hold him up with one arm, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

"Daddy's mad at me....yelling was scawy," he sniffled again, and Patton held him close.

"You don't need to be scared of me! I didn't mean to- ugh," Virgil stopped his quick rambling. "I wanted to talk to big Roman, work this out." He didn't mind having little Roman, but he hated that he was scared, and reassuring a five year old was gonna be more tough.

"You can't be upset with him for regressing though, this is probably the most emotionally draining situation he's been in...well, since he's begun regressing. Try talking to him?" Patton spoke over Roman's head, moving to set him back down on the bed. The affection seem to stop his tears, and slow his breathing again, but he was still scared.

"Princey, I'm sorry I scared you. We both said things-" Virgil was cut off by Little Roman.

"no, no, no, I was bad! Now you're angry at me, because I got angry with D-dec..Janus!" Roman seemed to look guilty, casting his eyes down.

"How about you have this discussion when he's big? He's obviously not in he right headspace to talk about this, and he's not gonna listen to it coming from you. I can talk to him, and we can try again later?" Patton interrupted, and both Virgil and Roman seemed relieved.

"You can go for now, Vee. I got him," Patton promised. Virgil left on that note, leaving Patton to help Roman get ready for the day.

"So? Is he quite alright?" Logan stood, leaning against the counter, sipping a cup of coffee. Janus sat on the table, shifting his attention to Virgil. There was literally a chair, multiple chairs, actually. Right there. Why sit on the table?

"He's little," he paused, looking at Logan, who looked to Janus.

"Oh, I know already, spare me the dramatic reaction. I'm a little too," Deceit rolled his eyes, Virgil chuckling slightly. Logan seemed confused, pausing before nodding. He gave a silent shrug and took a sip of his coffee.

"So, he regressed. Emotional stress and anxiety combined will do that. But how come you came back, and Patton didn't? Is Roman okay?" Logan questioned again.

"He's scared of me. He thinks that I'm mad at him, and he's scared I'm gonna yell at him. When I tried to apologize for yelling, he stopped me because "he was bad". Way to break my nonexistent heart!" Virgil seemed pained, groaning. Logan moved to pour him a cup of coffee. Logan himself had had some earlier, and so had Virgil. But he definitely needed more.

"So I'm guessing Patton took over then?" Janus asked.

"Yeah, he's not accepting my comfort while little, and that's a serious conversation for when he's big. So unless Little Roman comes around when Patton talks to him, then I have to wait until he comes out of his involuntary regression," Virgil accepted the black mug Logan handed him, taking a seat next to Janus on the table.

Not at the table. On the table. Chairs are useless, obviously.

"I'm sure Patton will take care of him just fine, let's hope he comes around with Patton's comfort, yeah?" Logan spoke, trying to comfort Virgil, who felt all types of terrible.

"Let's hope so," Virgil lifted his mug to his mouth, taking a long drink of the energizing liquid. Today was gonna be a long day.

"All ready, little prince?" Patton watched Roman mess with his hair in the mirror. Patton brushed his hair, helped him wash his face, and do a small self care routine, to hopefully make the boy feel better. You could barely tell he had cried.

"veevee gonna be out there, Pat!" Roman whined. He wore a light blue sweater, that was big on him and was definitely stolen from Patton, but wearing the clothing that smelled like cookies was comforting to him. He wore black leggings with it.

"I can promise you, Virgil is not gonna yell at you. He isn't even angry anymore, he just wants to talk things out," Patton picked up his stuffed bunny from the bathroom counter and handed it to him.

"Still nervous, tho. Janus gonna be out there! He don't know that m' a little, what if he makes fun of me?" Roman questioned.

Patton hoped Deceit wouldn't mind this, "Honey, he knows about us. He found out when he was here a little while ago, and he regresses himself."

"Oh," Roman looked down. "Is it bad that m' scared to talk to vee?"

"you're anxious, that's all it is. You were thrown into a involuntary regression and you can't help it, and you can wait to talk to Virgil until you're big. But know, he is not mad at you, and he is really sorry that he yelled at you like that," Patton leaned forward to kiss his forehead softly.

"B-but! I yelled too, n' I insulted Dee, n' I was really mean to both of dem. If I did dat while little, Vee would make me say sorry to him too," Roman bit at his lip.

"Like I said yesterday, we all kinda did stuff. And whether or not you apologize to Janus, is your decision to make, but I support you no matter what," Patton promised.

The whole day. Literally hours passed before Roman acknowledged his own caregiver and boyfriend. He played with Patton, and cuddled up to his side. At first, Virgil hung out in the commons, talking to Janus quietly. Then, him and Janus eventually left to go to his room, because they weren't getting anywhere with Roman.

Roman wasn't regressed quite as deeply anymore, still little, but not in an anxious babyspace. Logan could hear the loud giggle coming from the kitchen from his room, at the end of the hall.

Roman covered his mouth, "Sorry! Didn't mean to be so loud, oopsie!" Patton chuckled at him action, removing his hands from his sides, where he had been tickling him. Roman sat on the kitchen counter, currently, because Patton stood right there while making dinner.

"Time to get down, we're gonna eat now," he instructed, trying to take his hand to help him down. Roman pulled his hand away.

"I like this spot," he swung his feet a little.

"Roman," Patton gave him the same caregivery look Virgil gave as a warning, the next step usually being a stern scolding or timeout. "It's time for dinner," he spoke again.

Roman shook his head, "I wanna stay here."

Patton internally groaned, he hated being strict, especially with littles who were sensitive.

"Now, baby, I know what Virgil would do and I don't wanna have to do that. Be a good little prince and listen to me?" Patton looked at him again, hoping he'd give in. He stood in front of him, so when Roman swung out his foot more harshly in annoyance, he managed to kick Patton in the stomach. His eyes widened.

"D-didn't mean to! Don't wanna hurt you!" he looked at Patton apologetically.

"You didn't hurt me. Just be more careful, I know you were annoyed, but there's other ways to take out your anger rather than aggression," Patton knew he didn't mean it, and it didn't actually hurt him. "Come on, kiddo."

Roman pulled his hand away again, shaking his head. Patton gave him a much more stern look. Roman whimpered, "I'm sorry! I get down now?" he held out his hand for Patton to help him. Which he did, he hugged Patton, resting his head on his chest.

Roman was noticeably shorter than usual. Logan had a theory that they subconsciously regressed physically in certain aspects. "You're okay, honey. How about you make it up to me by getting the others for dinner while I set the table?"

Roman eagerly nodded, making his way through the hall to get the other three.

"I'm telling you, whenever he's big again, he's gonna apologize and you're gonna be able to talk it out," Janus sat on Virgil's bed, Virgil next to him. They were covered in blankets and surrounded by pillows.

"I know, I know. But when we walked in this morning, he was having a break down, and panicking. I induced some form of a panic attack for him, and I feel so bad for it," Virgil groaned, leaning his head on Janus's shoulder.

"It's gonna be alright. And plus, Roman's actually pretty cute while little," Deceit tried to shift the subject.

"Yeah, a cute brat," Virgil scoffed. "He thinks rules and listening to his caregiver are optional."

"I'm sure it isn't that bad."

"The first time he regressed he threw a sippy cup at Logan."

"I will never question you ever again."

Their eyes snapped up when Roman knocked on the door lightly, and opened it. "Hi, sweetie. What's up?" Virgil spoke softly. Roman didn't seem as scared of him, but still visibly nervous.

"I helped Patton made dinner, he told me to come get you guys..." he looked down, shuffling his feet a little.

"Oh, well, we will be out there in a bit," Janus spoke this time.

Roman didn't move, looking up at Virgil with guilty eyes. "What is it, do you need something else? You wanna talk to me?"

Roman nodded, quick to approach and climb onto the bed. Virgil scooted away from Janus, and let him sit in between them. Roman silently cuddled into Virgil's side, and the anxious side hesitantly wrapped his arm around his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"So am I. But, besides that, are you okay?" Virgil asked, ruffling his hair a little.

Roman nodded. Janus watched the sight in front of him.

"I was scared but I know you don't like yelling at me, and that you didn't mean to upset me that much. So m' sorry, daddy," Roman was shocked by the tight hug Virgil pulled him into.

"It's okay. And you're right, I don't like yelling at you, and I didn't mean to upset you. We both got caught up, and were emotional. It's okay now, right?"

Roman shifted to look at Janus, nervously looking up at him. "I-i'm sorry, to you too. I was mean, you're name isn't weird and-" Roman huffed, trying to come up with words.

"I accept your apology, Roman. I understand what you're trying to say and I forgive you. And I also apologize for comparing you to Remus, that wasn't fair to either of you," Janus gave a soft smile, and Roman nodded.

"Thank you!" he cheered, feeling so much better than before already.

"Ro? Are you wearing Patton's sweater?" Virgil noticed, and Roman blushed.

"It smells like cookies! And it's soft!" he let out a giggle, it ringing out louder when Virgil starts to place kisses all over his face.

"You're my little prince, and I love you so much," Virgil stopped his act of dorky affection, leaving Roman red-faced and smiley. "Go out there with Patton, I'll be out there in a second."

Roman, now much more cheerful than when he entered the room, nodded and left. Janus climbed off the bed and helped Virgil up. "See? It's all fixed," he said, and Virgil rolled his eyes.

"And it was much easier than I thought it was gonna be," Virgil sighed in relief.

"told ya so," Janus stuck out his tongue,causing Virgil to roll his eyes.

IMPLIED SEXUAL THINGS/SMUT IN NEXT PARAGRAPH. NOTHING BAD, JUST IMPLIED

The next morning, Virgil woke up in Roman's bed. Images of the night before popped in his head. Roman coming out of regression after dinner, talking to him for a while. At some point the talking faded into kissing, then making out. You can fill in the blanks on what happened next.

Roman also planned to give Janus an apology later in the day. Everything was gonna be okay. Things were starting to get back to ‘okay’ again.

For now.

a/n: i’m now the ceo of barely getting on tumblr for weeks and then droppig in w/a new chapter at 3 am. Whoops, that’s just how writers block works. Also writing a chapter for little vlogs,,,might be out tonight,,,,may be out in three weeks idk yet.

#cgvirgil #cgpatton #littleroman #roman agere #ts agere #prinxiety agere #ts janus #ts virgil #ts patton #ts roman #ts logan

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shootingcookielover · 5 years ago

Text

Summary/description/whatever it’s called:

Virgil's primary function as the protector of the mindscape almost renders him unable to help, Roman didn't take the newest episode too well and Remus... well, Remus doesn't exactly know what's wrong, but there is definitely something wrong with him. He doesn’t like it. At all.

Warnings:

Spoilers, panic attack, I think? Discomfort by one’s own personality? I don’t quite know how to describe it, basically there’s a switch in the side’s core and the affected character spirals (if someone has a better description, feel free to help out), villain Roman

Characters:

Virgil, Roman, Remus, Janus, Patton, Logan

No ships

Fear pierced his heart. A shard of ice, harshly ripping into his very core, making him gasp at the pain.

He gripped his chest, the black fabric of his hoodie bunching up inside his fist. There were silent tears, too, making his eye-shadow run down his face.

His legs trembled with the effort of keeping him upright. To alleviate some of the strain he let himself fall against the wall, bracing himself with the hand that wasn’t pressed against his chest. He could feel his own heartbeat, it was fast-paced, more-so than normal, a terrified bird, desperately trying to escape it’s cage.

His thoughts were swirling and spiraling as he pushed himself along the wall, towards the door. He had to find the others, now.

His hand shook as it wrapped around the door handle. He almost fell over when he pushed the door open, just catching himself on the frame.

The tears hadn’t stopped, just as the shard in his heart hadn’t stopped growing. The ice wrapped around his chest by now and breathing was so, so hard.

He wiped his face quickly, the tears prohibiting his sight as he staggered through the hallway. His breathing hitched suddenly, the shard pushing deeper into him.

The door to the living room was partially opened and he let himself fall against it, pushing it further with only his weight. He just managed to catch himself by grabbing the door handle.

He was clutching at his chest with an entire arm now, having it wrapped around himself in a mockery of a hug.

“Virgil-!”, the joyous shout cut itself off as two baby-blue eyes landed on the anxious side.

He felt his vision clouding with the lack of air. “P- Patton.”, he croaked out, stumbling forward.

He let go of the handle. He would have hit the floor right then and there, had he not been caught by the fatherly side.

“Well isn’t this a surprise?”

Virgil froze, eye slowly moving upward to meet the one yellow, one deep brown eyes of the serpent himself.

As quick as he could, Virgil scrambled out of Deceit’s hold. The side tried to keep a steadying hand on him, at least, but he pushed it off.

A second later, Virgil was sitting on the floor. Physical pain from falling mixed in with the ice-cold, slowly spreading through his body.

“Virgil, what’s wrong?”, Patton was back, Patton was good, he could trust Patton.

But the fatherly side was kneeling right next to Deceit and Virgil’s breathing became even less steady.

Determined, he pushed through the pain and the cold and the ripping feeling in his core and shakily stood. He scowled at Deceit, gritting his teeth as if baring them.

“G- get away from him!”, he bit out, taking a trembling step that almost sent him hurtling towards the ground once more.

This time it really was Patton who caught him.

“Virgil, kiddo, please calm down!”, he tried, smile wavering a little, so filled with concern. “Janus isn’t here to hurt us.”

“Janus?!”, the anxious side physically recoiled, tipping over his fragile balance and reacquainting him with the floor.

“Yes, Virgil, do keep up with the times.”, Deceit replied, now kneeling down as well. Virgil thought he saw worry in those mismatched eyes of his, but that was impossible.

Deceit wasn’t capable of caring for others than himself. His job was the exact opposite of that, actually.

The anxious side let out a hiss; it came out a lot more pathetic than he’d hoped. “Go away!”

Deceit and Patton exchanged a glance and Virgil wanted to scream at the fatherly side to stop trusting Deceit!

But it was already too late. Deceit got to his feet, brushing off invisible dirt from his clothing. “I see I am not wanted here, so I will leave you to it. Patton, please do inform me of any… major problems that may arise.”

The deceitful side left the room, Virgil still on the floor, clutching his chest.

Now that Deceit was gone, Patton scooted closer to the anxious side. “He’s gone now, Virgil. Are you okay? What’s going on?”

Virgil felt himself relax, the fight seeping out of him. His breaths came in shorter now, ice still piercing and clawing at his insides. “S- something’s wrong!”, he gasped out, “T- the mindscape is- there is s- something dangerous!”

Patton furrowed his brows in concern. “What do you mean, kiddo? What’s going on?”

Virgil doubled over as the pain in his chest tripled. “Something evil is here!”, he managed to get out, before the pain became too much.

Roman gripped the edges of his vanity. His eyes lingered on himself, his mirror self.

It’s a bit like looking into a funhouse mirror.

His eyes clamped shut at the memory, reminding him too deeply of Deceit.

Good thing you don’t have a mustache.

His teeth ground painfully against each other, his grip tightened. He didn’t even realize the small cracks he left in the wood.

I thought I was your hero!

Of course you are!

Roman wanted to snort, wanted to laugh, because if that wasn’t the most ridiculous thing he’d heard in awhile!

His grip tightened some more, wood splintering audibly beneath his fingers. He didn’t pay it any mind.

He wasn’t Thomas’ hero anymore, Deceit had confirmed as much with his little nod.

He wasn’t the hero.

But that was impossible!

...wasn’t it?

He was Creativity! Being the prince in shining armour was built into his design, was a part of him, he couldn’t not be the hero!

His brother was the villain in all of this! That was his role, that was why he’d been created!

Roman remembered with a burning passion, back when they’d still been the king, still been Romulus.

He’d taken all the bad thoughts, the bad ideas, the mistakes and pushed them away. Patton had helped him, just as Logan had.

Shoved away all the badness, the evil thoughts, resulting in…

a broken creativity. Twins, too full of hatred for one another to ever make up.

Remus was those bad thoughts, those mistakes. Remus was the villain, the duke, the one nobody liked.

Remus was the evil one.

I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.

He barely registered that he broke off the edge of his vanity, his grip too tight for the wood.

They’d accepted Remus the moment he’d shown up. Logan had, at least. Now they were barely bothered anymore.

Who was to say that Remus really was the evil one? Maybe Patton and Logan had taken in the wrong creativity?

After all, back then there hadn’t been a mustache to distinguish them. He and Remus had looked practically the same.

A hysterical laugh bubbled forth from Roman’s throat as he threw his head back, hands hiding his face.

That was it!

They’d mistaken Roman for the good twin, when he wasn’t!

After all, the bad twin was the one who made the mistakes! The one disliked! The one that got saddled with all the failure the king didn’t want!

And Roman, well, he hadn’t had a good idea, maybe ever! He’d made so many mistakes, he couldn’t count them anymore!

All his latest ideas were disregarded, were bad, and didn’t being the evil twin explain so much?!

If, after this revelation, Roman’s clothing turned a deep shade of black and his collar grew to evil proportions, well, than it would only fit the bad twin more than the disguise he’d been stuck in all this time.

The now black double-doors of his room swept open, revealing Roman in all his glory, a grin on his lips. If they all thought of him as the villain, then he was going to be the villain.

He could hear the thunder in the background, could feel the lightning cracking behind him.

Deceit could, too, he was sure.

“Roman?”, the lying side asked, taken aback.

Creativity laughed. “Why hello there, Deceit! It’s been quite too long, hasn’t it?”

His hands gripped his sword confidently. He pointed the tip at the liar.

“Why don’t we take a trip into the imagination, hm?”

Remus was busy feeding Fluffy when he felt it first.

A powerful push, almost making him fall. He giggled at the unpleasant feeling and looked around. “What’s it now, Roman?”, he yelled, helping Fluffy back into his hair. “Got bored of daddy’s d already?”

There was another push against him; not a physical one, never a physical one. It pressed against his very core, making him stagger.

The feeling was accompanied by a splitting headache.

This wasn’t the fun pain Remus was used to. It was pain pain. Painful pain that seemed to rip his head apart at the seams, his mind stuck and moving much too fast at the same time.

He almost screamed, but before he could, the headache suddenly subsided. Remus blinked, confusion coloring his thoughts.

He looked around and realized he was in the light sides’ living room. The sides in question - except Roman - were crowding over the couch. Really, it was only Patton, Logan and Virgil.

The duke paid no attention to that fact, instead he snuck up on the fatherly side with a silent chuckle.

He grabbed Patton’s shoulders without warning and screamed: “Chocolate chip cookies!”

He scrunched up his face in confusion. He hadn’t meant to say that.

Still, he had accomplished what he’d wanted to. Patton jumped in fright and whirled around, while Logan adjusted his glasses and simply stared at Remus.

Virgil, who was lying on the couch, stared as well, not bothering to stop cradling his chest.

Something was definitely wrong with the anxious side, Remus concluded, perhaps he’d been…

Been…

…

Impaled! Yes, maybe - no, there was no blood, he couldn’t have been…

Remus rubbed his temples. That unpleasant pain from before was coming back.

Why couldn’t he think of horrible, deadly states of being that involved the chest?

“Remus?!”, Virgil almost screamed at the creative side.

The duke wanted to curl in on himself; he knew he wasn’t the most pleasant to be around but that was a little much, wasn’t-

What the fuck?!

He’d never cared about that kind of thing! Something was off and Remus did not like it.

“Remus, are you… uhm, are you okay?”

Remus’ attention zeroed in on Patton. He giggled. “What, of course I’m okay, padre! I can’t-”

Wait. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say!

He’d wanted to call Patton…

Call him…

“What the flip?”, he mumbled to himself,his inability to properly curse only adding to the odd pile of oddness that was building up inside him.

“Interesting.”, Logan spoke up for the first time, before looking over at Virgil. “You said there was something wrong, did you not? It appears whatever that is has affected Remus.”

The anxious side rubbed his chest and nodded. “I guess.” His eyes were still wide with disbelief and continued to focus on the creative side.

It made Remus uneasy, which was a rather strange experience. He’d never been uneasy, not really. It wasn’t his department; he was the shameless one, after all! Truly the only side without self-esteem issues.

He fiddled with his sleeves, only, they felt different.

Remus looked down to find his outfit had changed. “What the flippin’ fresh heck?!”

Okay, not being able to swear was annoying, he distractedly noted.

His wonderful, disgusting clothes had done a complete 160! They might have retained there green details, but a more pleasant emerald green than the slimy, sickly color they’d been before.

The black had entirely faded, however, leaving space for pristine, white fabric.

The worst part, in Remus’ opinion was, the clean-ness of his clothes. He hadn’t washed his outfit since he’d come into existence and he was proud of every single stain, hole and lose thread it had to show.

They were all gone now. How hadn’t he noticed?!

The fabric scraped against his clean skin uncomfortably. He couldn’t stop himself as he started tearing at the clothes.

They’d been washed too warm, were too tight for him, he knew, they were pressing against his chest, leaving him unable to breathe, get them off, get them off, get them off, get thEM OFF-!

Suddenly there were hands on his wrists, stopping his frantic movements. Remus glanced up to meet Logan’s cool gaze.

In the reflection of the logic side’s glasses, he could see his own face. When had he started crying? He didn’t cry! That wasn’t him!

There it was again, his chest constricting more than it already did.

“Remus. Remus. Listen to me. Tell me five things you can see.”

“Your gorgeous eyes.”, Remus blurted out and, boy, felt it good to have some normalcy back. He blurted stupid things like that out constantly.

But he didn’t follow instructions usually. He did his best to thwart the efforts of everyone else making him do what they wanted him to, and he was spiraling again-

“Good. Four more things.”

“Uh, g- glasses.”

He didn’t stutter, that wasn’t him!

“Excellent. What else?”

Remus wracked his brain, moved his head to figure something out, something he could say that was more him-

“Panic at the everywhere!”, he yelled out. Not his best, most original nickname but it still made him feel a little better.

Now that he’d started, his mouth kept spewing out observations: “I can also see Patton over there, clearly struggling not to cry like the baby he isn’t, because I love him, I’m sorry, padre, I didn’t mean it-”

Remus’ mouth shut with an audible click. His eyes were wide in terror and he started to tremble.

Especially when he realized that he’d meant everything he’d just said.

He raised both hands to his mouth, but stopped himself before he could utter another non-curse, it wouldn’t help the situation any, and the white sleeves were back in his view and it felt horrible and scratchy and uncomfortable and nothing like the smooth dirt his real clothes had held and-

“Remus!”

A hand on his chin, forcing him to gaze into beautiful, deep blue eyes.

“Breathe. Breathe with me, okay? Breathe in for four seconds.”

The voice waited until Remus followed it’s instructions.

“Hold for seven seconds.”

“Now, breathe out for eight seconds.”

After a few repeats of the exercise, the world started to fade back into being and Remus realized he was talking to Logan. Logan, whose hands now rested on the creative side’s shoulders.

Logan whose stern and serious gaze was laced with concern and on Remus.

“Better?”, the logical side asked.

Remus tried to put up his signature smirk. It was a little wobbly and not quite him, but no, stay calm, it’ll be fine.

“With you here? Always, nerdy wolverine!”

Logan let out a sigh and stepped back. Remus mourned the loss of contact, but didn’t say anything and didn’t that feel odd?

“You sure you’re okay now, kiddo?”, Patton’s concerned voice reached Remus’ ears and what kind of awful person was he that he worried Patton-

No!

Not again. It was fine.

“Of course I am, padre!”, he winced at the nickname. It had slipped out without his permission, and no, he wasn’t going to lose it again-

“Remus, what happened?”

The creative side looked over to where Virgil was. The anxious side had stood up, moving closer. He was standing next to Logan now, still clutching at his chest and wasn’t that odd?

Remus felt like the gesture should tell him something, maybe bring back some memory. But it didn’t.

That was fairly normal; it was just his mind trying to reach for the king’s memories but being unable to. He’d never been able to remember their time as Romulus.

“Ah, well, you know!”, he waved his hands dismissively. “Just got thrown out of the imagination.”

He stopped all movements and pulled his face into a thoughtful frown - sadly not literally.

“Wait, that’s weird. Nothing like that’s ever happened to me before! Didn’t even know it was possible…”

The other three sides exchanged glances.

“I theorize there is something wrong with Roman as well.”, Logan said finally.

It didn’t bother Remus that they weren’t worried about him, it didn’t.

Part 2

#sanders sides #fanfiction #panic attack #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts spoilers #logan sanders #personality disconnect #switch #??#villain roman

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98prilla · 4 years ago

Text

To The Dead

AO3

...

He was trying.

He really, really was, trying.

But he couldn’t get Roman’s words out of his head.

And he’d heard the others, talking to the air, talking to him, they probably thought he didn’t, but he’d always been good at lurking in shadows, in pretending to not exist, he wasn’t surprised, he was able to mask his presence well enough no one could sense him near.

He’d heard Patton and Janus’s pleas. He’d heard Logan’s well reasoned arguments. He’d heard Roman’s apologies. He knew Roman was blaming himself, that it was tearing all of them up inside, but the thing was, Roman was right.

There were too many things, that could go wrong. Too many ways he could hurt them, too many ways he could destroy them, and he refused, he refused to drag them into his self-destructive spiral.

So, he stuck to the shadows, where no one could find him. He hid in the corners and under the couches and under the beds. He didn’t use his room, not since then they’d know where he was, and he stayed away as much as he could. He was exhausted and unfocused and half even deader than he already was, but he couldn’t let himself rest or he’d fizzle into view.

The closest he’d gotten was that night, with Patton. Everyone else had already been in their own rooms, and he felt guilty, Patton was staying out there for him, after all, and the least he could do is make sure he was comfortable. And now Patton’s words were rattling around in his skull, too, fighting against Roman’s, and he felt torn in two entirely different directions.

Maybe that’s why he found himself here, lurking in the shadows of Patton’s room, melted into the ones in the corner of the room. He heard the door open, and he took a deep breath as Patton came in, flopping face first onto the bed, slightly alarmed to hear sniffling emerging from the pillow his face was shoved into.

Slowly, he emerged from the wall, his inky, tarlike form slowly forming into something more solid, something that almost felt right, though it had been so long since he’d been anything other than a blob of darkness or a splotch of shadow. But as his form settles, it feels more and more… right.

“Pa… Patton?” He asked, voice rusty and hoarse, barely above a whisper, but it’s enough. Patton gasped, shooting upwards, and all at once Patton’s eyes were on him.

“Virgil!” he flinched back at the volume, form already destabilizing, it was harder to hold now, that he hadn’t in months. “sorry, sorry. I’m just… I’m glad to see you, kiddo. We've been worried.” He said softer, wanting to lunge, pull Virgil into a hug, but knowing he'd run if he did.

“so-rry. I-" he flinched, a strange feeling coming over him, an almost nausea, almost vertigo, and he found himself on the ground, gasping as cold washed over him.

“Virgil!” he could tell Patton had yelled his name several times, but he couldn’t seem to hear right, the world was blurring and going fuzzy. Not just the world, he was blurring, his form bleeding away like a water color painting. He felt Patton's hand on his arm, trying to say something, then the world shifted out from under him, Patton's hand swiping through empty air as he vanished.

…

He stumbled hard, shoulder ramming into the wall, as he heaved in several deep breaths, trying to keep from full out panicking.

He felt weird. Solid. His body had weight, his form wasn’t flickering, he was leaning against the wall, but it wasn’t their wall. The house, he was in the house.

His breath sped again, remembering, shaking, crying, pulling at his hair as he screamed into a pillow, His words echoing in his head, he hasn’t been back here, not in the living room, since then, since he'd done it. He could feel the shadows darkening, starting to move of their own accord, starting to whisper.

“What the fwuh?” His eyes snapped open at the question, frantically taking in the scene.

Staring at him were two guys, both wearing twin expressions of shock and fear. Around his feet was a star in a circle outlined in chalk, a candle at each nexus.

“Summoning circle? What amateur fucking shit is this? Watched full metal alchemist a few too many times?” He choked out, biting sarcasm masking his fear and panic, trying to get the shifting tendrils of shadow slowly climbing the wall under control, succeeding in at least halting their growth.

“We… we were trying to summon Patton.” The shorter one said. He huffed, vision spinning.

“Well good job, dipshit, you summoned the literal opposite of that ray of sunshine. Now get me out of here!” He demanded, teeth grit against the strange cold seeping into his bones, the dark tiredness starting to fill him.

“Um. We don’t actually know how.” The taller one admitted sheepishly.

“Who are you, anyway? We only knew Patton and Roman.”

“Uh, no. You don’t get to interrogate me after practically kidnapping me.”

“Kidnapping… you showed up!” the short one, who seemed to have an attitude.

“oh yes, because I looove getting dragged to the physical plane of existence and talking to two idiots who think the funnest thing to do is harass people who probably don’t want to have memories of their recent demise brought back to the surface!” He shouted, breathing picking up again, hands clenched into fists, shadows wavering and breaking over the room, though he kept it in enough it didn’t attack, claws and glowing eyes and teeth ready to bite.

“You’re… Virgil, aren’t you?” He flinched back at that, shaking harder. “Oh shit, dude, I’m-"

“What? Sorry? Yeah, me too, now let me out!” he snarled, eyes flashing dark voids of shadow, his shadows writhing, and he found he had the anger to control them, and he hissed as one swiped through the chalk, releasing him from its hold as he struggled to stay standing, the circle giving him a truly physical form, draining his own energy to do so.

“We aren’t fucking toys. We’re people. We all died horrifically, at our hand or at others'. So next time, leave me the hell alone.” He snapped, his shadows encasing him as the solidness faded from his limbs, as his form fell to shreds, as the last of his energy was sucked from him, realizing the circle draining him dry, the crackling electric backlash of breaking the spell hit him full force, sending him reeling.

…

He fell, unceremoniously, crashing down from the ceiling and landing hard on the floor, crying out at the pain that shot through him, his vision flickering. He felt cold, icily cold, exhausted, drained, empty, barely, barely there.

“-il…-ear me? Virgil!” Roman’s panicked voice cut through his haze, though he found he couldn't answer, couldn't even nod. He was so purely exhausted, he was barely staying together at all. “Oh, love… it’s ok, I’ve got you.” He felt Janus lifting him up, and realized he must have landed in the living room. He thought he should be worried about that, for some reason, but his mind was already hazing over with fog. “Logan! Patton!” He called, the spirits appearing after a moment, any reprimand at being disturbed vanishing as Logan took in the state of Virgil, unconscious and form flickering, not the usual black, but a soft, faded gray. The same kind of gray that he’d seen on the others, on himself, when the wraith was draining them of their soul’s essence. Something had very badly damaged Virgil.

“What happened?” he demanded, trying to be steady, to keep Patton beside him from panicking.

“I don’t know. He… he showed up, in my room, then vanished, like he got pulled away, I tried to hold on, but I fell right through him!”

“Then he fell from the ceiling and crashed to the ground.” Roman finished, lacking his usual bravado.

“Lo, is he-“

“No, he’s not fading. Whatever started the drain has stopped, he’s stable, if very weak. An attempt at summoning, if I had to guess. Likely, they didn’t use anything to power the spell itself, so it used Virgil himself. He’s lucky he was able to break out, as he must have, for it to hit him this hard. Otherwise…” Logan trailed off, unwilling to finish that sentence, knowing from the silence the others knew his meaning.

“He was going to talk to me.” Patton said softly, tucking back a strand of Virgil’s hair, who didn’t seem to register the motion at all, lying still and pale as stone.

“He still may. He just needs to rest and recuperate, Patton. He will be all right.” Logan reassured, resting a hand on Patton’s shoulder for a moment, before turning away, trying to hide his fondness behind a frown. “Though we should figure out what exactly they did, and stop them from doing it again.”

No one noticed the green eyes glowing in the corner, alight with anger, at the state of his friend, because Virgil was a friend, whether he liked it or not. It was long past time the humans take notice of him, after all, and this would be a much needed… learning opportunity.

…

“well that could have gone better.” Thomas muttered, shivering slightly. The darkly moving shadows had vanished along with the ghost, the circle now smudged beyond recognition, the icy cold temperature of the room slowly returning to normal.

“No kidding. How’d you know that one’s name?” Joan asked, still staring at the spot he'd vanished.

“He… the real estate agent. He had to tell me, the previous tenant, Virgil… died, here. To suicide.” Joan let out a low breath, collapsing back onto the couch, grabbing a pillow to hug to their chest.

“shit. No wonder he wasn’t happy to be here.”

“It looked like it was hurting him.” Thomas murmured, remembering how Virgil was clinging to the wall, barely staying upright.

“That's what happens when you do your research through google search, you silly billies.” They both stared at the glowing green eyes floating above them, the slow Cheshire grin forming out of nothingness to accompany it. “Someone gets hurt.” The voice growled, and suddenly it wasn’t a single pair of eyes, it was thousands, a towering mass of writhing tentacles and blindingly black light, a cavernous maw and a million gnashing, reeking tooth beaked mouths screaming.

They both gasped for air as the vision vanished just as quick as it came, a few mere seconds, a glance at the clock revealed, though it had felt like they had been trapped with that Lovecraftian creation for hours. Thomas could still feel the vibrations of the clacking beaks, hear the echoes of distant screams, and he could tell from Joan’s horrified expression, they had seen it too.

“I’m not exactly a fan, of people hurting my friends. Especially when they can’t do much in way of defense or… retaliation-“

“We didn’t mean to!” Thomas blurted, before the sinister presence could throw them into another nightmare. “We didn’t… we didn’t mean to hurt anyone. We just… Patton seemed lonely. So we were trying to find a way to actually see him, and… and we obviously didn’t do it right. And I’m sorry, for hurting him… Virgil.” He finished, a frown on his lips, thinking of the pain on the ghost’s face. “Is he… is he ok?” He asked, heart pounding a thousand beats a second, terror racing through him.

“Well, well, well, isn’t that interesting. The human has a conscience.” The voice echoed from every direction, bouncing around the room in the most disorienting pattern, one moment directly in his ear, the next all the way in the kitchen, the next above them near the ceiling, those green eyes and grin always in the corner of their eyes, always vanishing as soon as they turned to look.

“And what about you, short stack? Got anything to say for yourself, before I decide what to do with the two of you?” Joan gulped, holding the pillow tighter, knuckles white.

“Uh. He was right. Virgil. It’s not… we shouldn’t treat this like a game. You’re people. Not entertainment. But we do really want to get to know you all… to help, if we can. Even though we’re generally pretty shitty at showing it, that’s what we were trying to do. Help.” They managed, wincing as a dark chuckle rang through the room.

“Help, huh?” They yelped as they felt something cold wrap around their ankles, suddenly yanking them off the couch, dragging them across the floor, across the kitchen, to the basement door. Blinking their vision clear, adrenaline racing, they both practically held their breath as they watched a shimmering outline form, cringing as it was filled in with bones, then veins and arteries, pulsating flesh and decaying organs, finally a layer of skin growing over it all, putting a face to that Cheshire grin, the electric green eyes, as the being towered over them, smile wild and manic, eyes ablaze, a morningstar resting over his shoulder, his outfit some weird mix of sparkling satin and menacing velvet. They both flinched back as he leaned down, examining them, before extending a hand.

“Seems like you two can use all the help you can get. Now, if you’re gonna go full in on this, you gotta learn the basics, and if you abuse what I teach you…”

They shivered, seeing crimson blood splash across their hands, teeth ripping into their jugulars, shadowy creatures clawing them to shreds, screaming though no one else could hear, unable to move their bodies as inch by inch, their skin was stripped from their flesh, ants eating them from the inside out.

“And it’ll be twice as bad if you harm any of them ever again. There won’t be anywhere you can hide, that I won’t find you, and believe me, it’ll be a pleasure.” Their vision cleared, the images wiped away like fog on a bathroom mirror, forgotten nearly instantly, though the feeling of dread and terror lingered. “So. You in, or are you pussies?” Joan snorted despite themselves, earning an eye roll from Thomas, and a slight upturn of the lips from the being, though he still glared daggers at them. Thomas took a deep breath, accepting the outstretched hand, surprised as he made contact, and it helped pull him to his feet, solid, though it didn’t feel quite… real. Joan followed suit a moment later.

“Ok. I want to learn.” He answered solemnly, Joan nodding in agreement, gaze serious in a way it rarely was.

“Me too. If we’re gonna be the crazy ghost house people, we might as well really go for it.”

“It’s been a while, since I had such willing students. Oh, this’ll be fun!” He clapped, eyes swirling, teeth slightly too sharp.

“So… when do we start?” Joan asked, and Remus tsked.

“Patience. I have to get back before they wonder where I’ve went, and you have to start living like a normal person and not staying up until two scrolling tumblr!”

“What does that have to do with ghost summoning?”

“Nothing, just good life advice. Take from me, who’s never actually been alive!” Thomas and Joan exchanged a puzzled look.

“Aren’t you a ghost?” He cackled, a wild, howling sound, that sent shivers down their spines, as he wiped away tears from his eyes, floating on his back in midair.

“Oh, sweet summer children, you naive innocent fools, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood, otherwise it would be so very easy to break you. No, no, no, I’m not a ghost at all. I am a poltergeist!” He declared, suddenly close to Thomas’s face, gently booping his nose, those swirling eyes far too close for comfort as they stared into his. “And you may call me Remus.”

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