#Jan you have doomed me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

absolutebl · 2 months ago

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This Week in BL - It's Quiet but Sweet RN

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

I'm early I know, I have a v busy weekend.

Jan 2025 Week 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - So awkward and so cute! I love the sibling relationships in this show. They’re all so wonderful.

Could we talk about Thomas in that aborted sex scene? That ultra sensual sniff test neck thing?

He did a phenomenal job at conveying Japanese thirst with Taiwanese payback, unique IMHO for Thai BL. Kong did a pretty standard Thai style uke call and response, perhaps a bit more sexy than most. But Thomas was really spectacular. All in all, a particularly sensual make-out scene, rare in this kind of BL. I applaud the actors and director.

These two are so lovely.

OMG Lee has a phi he likes? Where did this nugget of joy come from?

Hyung romance crumbs are a go! Just for me? How kind. Goodness Lee has got great game, watch that boy work. He certainly didn’t get it from his older brother. Also that was such a smooth approach, what a classy way to get permission to court. I don’t know why we got this inserted tiny short story, but I’m not mad about it. I hope we get more. But this is crumbs, can’t expect it.

ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - I love how Po understands Nano's feeling of heartbreak as just that, since to lose a friend (or friends) can be as painful as losing a lover. Po is such an empathic character, I love him so.

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - I did bark with laughter at Style’s dad interrupting them. Also I enjoy the tension of knowing that there is doom in coming. It’s fun to watch these actors really stretch themselves to portray loving boyfriends with secrets. Bison looks like a determined little feral thing, Fadel just looks tired poor baby.

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 10 end - Pet fish baby + cat = snack…… EPIC. Also giving a cat a career as a stuntman is genius.

Final Thoughts

A sweet and innocent show with an absurd premise = sunshine penguin + grumpy panther become human boys and fall in love. With great leads and sides, a solid (if campy) support cast, and sweetly queer backbone, this still never entirely resonated with me because it was just a little too slow. Still I can totally understand why others loved it so much. 8/10

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 15 of 16 - I love that North has no artifice whatsoever. But frankly I’m really more interested in the 2 pairings still to come. If we are lucky. Arthit “getting bitten by piranhas” thing was hilarious.

Sangmin Dinneaw (Sun iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - Of course I love the argument over linguistics, this time honorifics. So good. But the rest of this ep was pretty slow.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 11 of 24 - Gun is a little dim, poor thing, but I do kinda adore him. Yotha is a bit of a melodramatic queen though I love how he deadpan responds to teasing and always acts exactly like a boyfriend. And I see GMMTV’s patented “single brain cell club” is back.

The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Well it’s certainly intriguing. And I like this pair better here than in their first series.

Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Oof. Well, it’s better than the original, but that’s not saying much (from me). It’s slightly less overacted. I still find the lead utterly unappealing and I have no idea why anyone, including the audience, is supposed to be interested in him. But if he looks like Earth maybe it makes a little bit more sense? Mix is great. Honestly? This just made me wanna rewatch Thousand Stars.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 13 end - What a darling little show. I genuinely couldn’t have enjoyed it more. About a deaf care worker and his spoiled broken little prince. Taiwanese at its softest and best. Highly recommended. Easy 9/10

(for me the only flaws are the first 1/3 and the fact that it's unlikely this will be a big rewatch for me)

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 10 end - The feeding each other water thing when the water-bottle trope is so prevalent in JBL = just so good.

Summation

Adapted from a Korean Webtoon I can see why this went to Japan, it's super harsh for KBL Essentially a story about two lonely boys from opposite sides of the track who fall madly in love in high school, despite the fact that one is repressed and the other abused. Despite a rough premise (trigger warnings) this is an oddly lovely little show. Darker than is my personal preference but sublimely stylish, turns out sometimes that combo works for me (see The 8th Sense). The world that springs to mind is “refined.” I enjoyed the restful distancing feel of the filming style.

This is an easy 9/10 from me.

Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 5 of 12 - I’m sorry but if you have a sex robot, he should be self lubing. Just saying. Also…… better at parking (pun not intended). I like the sides now. I’m enjoying this more than the first installment, easer power dynamic to digest. I do kinda adore the main couple and all their kinks.

When it Rains it Pours (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Convoluted story about a man in a relationship who is sexually unfulfilled and his friend who is in love with him, who accidentally become secret confidants.

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 15 of ? - no time this week, two next week.

It's airing but......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai ???) - has been picked up to air on WeTV, or something? Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, initially un-subbed, then subs happened by which time I got distracted. It is very pulp but intriguing. For now it's to the wayside until someone tells me it landed safely. Occasionally Thai pulps want to be edgy and it's not a good look on them. But sometimes they do good.

In Case You Missed it

End of year wraps are here!

2024 Trend Report

MY BEST & WORST BLs of 2024

Best Kisses (and sex scenes) of 2024

BL's 2024 Quirky Awards

2024 Awards - Quick Picks

Next Week Looks Like This:

January Drops

1/15 Impression of Youth (Taiwan Weds Viki iQIYI) 9 eps - Same team as DNA Says Love You, so I have high hopes.

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

It me. (Fourever You)

Gayest bridge in Thailand is back!

Love a good lap lie.

I NEED MOAR!!! (all Your Sky)

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

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agatharkn3ss · 5 months ago

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Agatha's info/rumours

I thought I'd pull together all the info we've been shown in ep.6 and add my interpretation to it. I still can't believe that Billy read these short bits and claimed he knew an "egregious" amount about Agatha.

As usual, biased towards Agathario, because I think they are heavily implying Agatha's connection to Death (I mean yes, the writers could just be trying to explain why the internet would be so invested in her identity, but still)

First of all - "333 partial results for Agatha Harkness Ancient Witch". I love yet another allusion to how Agatha is linked with number 3, making her the actual harbinger of doom (I explain this here).

It's interesting that the related questions are all about the immortality of the witches:

Are witches immortal?

Do real witches ever die?

How do you kill a witch?

How old is the oldest witch?

If we didn't have other super-old witches in the show, it would make me wonder if Agatha didn't make some sort of pact with Death (Rio), where she provides "bodies" to her in exchange for her long life. But as it is, we have Lilia as 450+ years old and Jen is also older than a century, but you don't see them trying to kill people (I think).

The very first search result is quite fun:

"The Macabre Wiki – a comprehensive encyclopaedia of all things that only come out after dark. Created by two blood witched from Salem"

No matter what, I will forever believe this is Agatha and Rio's page. (for reasons explained here)

The rest of the search results are not as exciting:

Witchy Resource – Ancient witches and ancient warlocks are not well documented traditionally and usually for good reason…

Witches and Aging – Apparently, witches are able to chose how they age and present themselves to humans. Some withes choose to stop again at a certain point staying roughly 30 years old visually for literally hundreds of years.

Dreadit – Salem Witch Trials – Recently I’ve been researching a ton on the SWT and not many people know this but there are reports of witches that actually survived burning and drowning

The Art of the Ancients – Learn about the secret art of witchcraft and the witches that have [...]

So this suggests Agatha specifically chose her look and age. Neat. Quite empowering really.

Also, another suggestion that some witches can be immortal and survive burning and drowning. I wonder if we will see this in the show - Agatha and Rio having absolute blast at mocking people who were trying to torture/kill Agatha, only to realise she wasn't feeling any pain, she would just raise and shout "Surprise witches!".

Then we go onto the Salem Witch Trials page. This pretty much confirms what we already know about them. I immediately clocked how all the handles only have green or purple colours... Coincidence? I've not tried to decipher the names, but if anyone has any suggestions, let me know!

witchygirlblack: Did any witches survive the Salem witch trials? Are they still alive? Where are they? Witches can live for hundreds of years, so the ones that survived the trials might still be out there [] witchkraft dreadit, you must know of some?

4thlevelwarlock: The Salemites, Evanora Harkness’s coven, were prominent in the area. I’ve heard rumours [...]the young children from the coven escaped

SamSamwitch: @4thlevelwarlock look familiar? [Agatha image link]

BoftheEast: be careful posting about her just saying

Then Billy takes the photo through reverse image search. I know these are tiny, inconsequential details but I still love them:

"Looky" sounds like a little nod to Lilia's "kooky"

The letters “o” have moons inside of them.

Each letter has different colour that seems to align with the witches – light blue (Jan - water trial?), purple (Agatha - spirit), yellow (Lilia - air), dark blue (Billy?), orange (Alice – fire)

This search then leads to a number of events that Agatha has been spotted at. Rather than pull out the quotes, I'm going to put the events in a chronological order and add relevant background info:

Salem Witch Trials (1692-1693) - this was a series of hearings and prosecutions of people accused of witchcraft in colonial Massachusetts. More than 200 people were accused. It was the deadliest witch hunt in the history of colonial North America. This is the time where Agatha's mother and her coven try to "punish" her for using "the darkest of magic". Her fingers weren't black, so she's unlikely to have had Darkhold back then. (btw the script for this suggests Agatha was 18 at the time, so she was born ~1675, making her ~351 years old in 2026)

The Eastern Seaboard - Although we don't know the exact dates, there are "unconfirmed reports of Agatha traveling the Eastern Seaboard". This could relate to various areas but this is likely just referring to the US East Coast. The Thirteen Colonies, which formed the United States in 1776 were located on this coast, playing an important role in the development of the United States.

The sinking of the Titanic (1912) - the British ocean liner sank as a result of striking an iceberg on her maiden voyage from Southampton, England, to New York City, US. Of the estimated 2,224 passengers and crew aboard, approximately 1,500 died. Agatha is listed as one of the survivors

The Hindenburg disaster (1937) - a German commercial passenger airship caught fire and was destroyed during its attempt to dock at Lakehurst, New Jersey, on its journey from Frankfurt, Germany. The accident caused 35 fatalities among the 97 people on board, and an additional fatality on the ground. The publicity shattered public confidence in the giant, passenger-carrying rigid airship and marked the abrupt end of the airship era. Again, Agatha is spotted as a woman who "survived the explosion then disappeared"

"Jolene" (1972-1973) - The headline states "Does this 1972 Surveillance photo of Dolly Parton show the real Jolene?" and Jac Schaeffer confirmed that yes, Agatha = Jolene. So I had some fun with this, because why not?! I wondered what Agatha's play would've been here. Is she truly after Dolly's "man" - if so, in what way? Or is she after Dolly herself? Note that although the article says 1972, later on we also see statement that Agatha was last seen in Nashville Tennessee, 1973. Now - that year in Nashville, Dolly not only recorded "Jolene" in May, but a month later she also recorded "I will always love you" - a song that is widely understood to be a goodbye song to her business partner because she decided to pursue solo career. In my head this is all a result of Agatha's influence, who showed Dolly her real power.

On that note, I don't think we would be far off assuming that as Agatha kept Dolly (or her man) her company, she would've actually come across Lorna Wu herself? We know it was similar time, because "The Ballad of the Witches Road" record was made in 1978. Alice mentions how she got her tattoo in Colorado as her mum was playing at the Red Rocks amphitheatre. Dolly Parton also performed at the Red Rocks in 1972 (the same year as the camera footage), so Agatha could've been there...

Finally, we get to the "brujapedia" - the encyclopaedia of witches. It's fun to speculate who could be running this page - the whole theme is black and white, with red highlights. There is also an image of a raven - as I discussed it before, it is a symbol of bridging the world of life and death. So it would be fun if it was Death herself maintaining it, as she would be the only one who would truly know who the real witches were. Also it would be a cool census of who is still remaining for her to "collect" their dues.

Another good spot from @chaotic-homoromantic is that "bruja" is a Spanish word for "witch", giving us another hint to Rio.

I couldn't really find any info on any other names other than the top one. Abigail Adams was a founder of the US, wife of John Adams, the second US president and mother of John Quincy Adams, the 6th US president. I'd like to think witches had some input back then.

Also interesting is how Agatha's surname is misspelled - it has two Ks. I wonder why that is - no way it's a mistake, seeing how much detail they've put into this. Maybe it's a subtle suggestion that this information came straight from Agatha herself or as a joke from someone who knows her, since she's known for using wrong words. (or it could just be a suggestion that all of the other names on this list are also misspelled, explaining why we can't find any info on them)

Then we get to some info about her - most of which I already collated into the timeline above. There is also a vague mention of Nicky: "Agatha Harkness. Son. Name unkown, rumours [...]"

But there are also some other bits - hilariously referred to as "FUN" facts:

Fun Facts:

Murdered her entire coven

Possesses succubus powers

Nick name is “witch killer!”

Only known survivor of The Witches Road

Folklore references: It is said certain children’s book make reference to Agatha [...]

Funny how the nickname absolutely includes the exclamation mark. I feel like maybe Jen was the one who submitted this info.

As for the children's book - I feel like it wouldn't be just a single story but more like the Grimm's Fairy Tales. Following Lilia's comment, Agatha probably was the template they used for "evil witches" - poisoning apples and stealing kids and eating children. It's not something she would deny anyway.

Now, the Succubus comment is interesting. In lore they are generally depicted as a sexual being - "a female demon or supernatural entity in folklores who appears in dreams to seduce men, usually through sexual activity."

But I think in Agatha's case, things are different. Yes, she has the charisma and can probably seduce people quite easily (I mean, she probably seduced Death, didn't she?). But I don't think that's like a magical power. In fact, if it was, it think it would be really unfair to Agatha, erasing the fact that her character had to build and evolve around her experiences and the fact that she had to survive - "in a way that few do". So I think this "fun fact" could be partially coming from someone's snarky comment (Dolly Parton's?), who just wanted to take away Agatha's agency. Or fell for Agatha and then blamed it on her "powers" rather than admitting their own gullibility. Just like women over the centuries were accused of witchcraft and casting curses if things simply didn't go the way someone wanted.

Plus the way she goes about getting her magic from people is absolutely not seductive. She simply finds a way to annoy the heck out of the target!

But of course, that's not all there is to it, because on the other hand Agatha has her syphoning ability - now that could also be described as the "succubus powers" referred to above. In DnD succubus attacks using a "Deadly kiss", basically draining the essence of life and I feel like this is quite a good description:

"The kiss of a succubus is an echo of the emptiness that is the fiend’s longing for a corrupted soul. Likewise, the recipient of the fiend’s kiss gains no satisfaction from it, experiencing only pain and the profound emptiness that the fiend imparts. The kiss is nothing short of an attack, usually delivered as a final farewell before the fiend escapes."

In that magic/soul sucking way, she would have more parallels to Death, explaining their connection. More so, if Agatha can't control her powers - because Death does not really have much control either, she just has to do her job when the time comes.

#agatha all along #agatha harkness #kathryn hahn #aubrey plaza #rio vidal #agatha all along spoilers #agathario #agatha x rio

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belovedhoon · 2 months ago

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hibiscus

pairing: renjun x f! reader fandom: nct dream

a/n: i've been working on this for so long...I started it at the beginning of Jan, but uni started and I was BUSY! but alas here is a new fic! i hope you guys enjoy! <3

wc: 5.8k words contains: boat crash, smut, fluff, angst (obvi) taglist: @shypen @st1llm0nster @squoxle

synopsis: to take a break from your stressful life as a journalist in seoul, you decide to go on a cruise to hawaii. but on your way to hawaii, the ship encounters a huge storm causing the boat to crash. you think for sure you’re dead but when you end up on a remote little island, you don’t know whether you are lucky or doomed. when you awaken on the island, you notice you’re not the only one to survive the shipwreck. that’s when you meet renjun, who appears to be handed the same fate as you. it’s up to just the two of you to survive, your survival and rescue depends on each other.

fic under cut >>>>>>>>

“Yes Mark, I’ll let you know when I arrive in Hawaii. I’ll be fine! I’ll talk to you soon.” You said to your brother on the phone, trying to ease his worries about you traveling to Hawaii alone, which wasn’t unusual for you, you were a journalist after all. “I love you too Minhyung, stop worrying so much! Bye!” You said pulling out his government name to stop him in his tracks from rambling again, before hanging up before he can try to convince you to get off the cruise ship. You chuckled shaking your head at your brother’s worried nature. It’s not like you haven’t traveled alone before, you’ve been all over the world, seeing as it is your job to travel and to report stories happening around the globe. ‘This is gonna be good for me, to travel with no worries of work, I haven’t done that in a long time.’ You thought to yourself, heading to your room on the ship.

You scanned your key card to your room and walked inside taking in the surroundings. It was really fancy inside, not that you expected any different, you had splurged and purchased a nicer room, just because you thought you deserved it. You placed your suitcases on the ground by your giant poster bed and decided to shower before you went out to grab food and explore the ship. As you made your way to the deck, you heard a weird noise but brushed it off thinking it was just a normal mechanical noise from the ship. You continued further onto the deck looking out to the sea, and wow how beautiful but dangerous it was. You would soon realize just how dangerous the ocean was, you just didn’t know it yet.

As you are walking around the deck, you feel the boat swaying more than you have felt it do so the entire time you were on it. You look up and notice the storm, realizing that must be why the ship is swaying so much. A slight worry goes through you but you bury it down with the thought that cruise ships encounter storms all the time, you were just being paranoid.

Then all of a sudden a huge wave hits the ship, jarring it so much that you tumble, a shriek leaving your mouth at the sudden movement. ‘Maybe I should head back to my room, I’ll be more at ease there.’ You thought to yourself. As you are starting to head back towards the inside of the ship, another bigger wave hits the ship causing the ship to jar violently. You turn around to look at the storm, just in time to see a catastrophic size wave heading towards the boat, but before you can run, move, or do anything, the wave hits, tossing you so hard that everything goes black.

You blink your eyes slowly, a pounding in your head as you finally open your eyes. When you do open your eyes all you see is brightness, thinking that you are for sure dead. Then your eyes adjust and you turn your head slightly to the side and realize you’re on sand. You turn to the other side and notice a body lying about 10 feet away from you. ‘Oh my god, what happened?’ You think to yourself, when everything comes rushing back to you and how the last thing you remember is being on the cruise ship and a giant wave coming towards the boat, and you being paralyzed in fear.

You sit up slowly, the pounding in your head getting worse the more you move around, but you need to know where you are and if that person is dead… You get up slowly, your legs wobbly, like you’re a baby dear learning to walk and make your way to the body of what looks to be a man. As you approach the almost lifeless man, he shoots up and sputters out water, turning his head side to side frantically, causing you to jump back startled.

“W-who are you?” The man asks, his voice raspy from the water that just came from his lungs. Your eyes widen and you stare at him for a second before you reply.

“I-I’m Y/N..” You say quietly, studying the man. The man mumbles something quietly and you think he says something along the lines of “Y/N…that’s a pretty name..” finding it odd that, that is the first thing he thinks in this situation but don’t question it. The man turns to look you in the eyes before looking you up and down as if he’s assessing your condition.

“Are you hurt…?” You trail off when you realize you don’t know his name. The man shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans against the tree close by him.

“I’m not hurt…just a little shaken up.” He replied, his tone almost nonchalant for the situation, his eyes still fixed on you. You too keep your eyes on him assessing him the same way he did you.

“Oh um, that’s good I suppose…what’s your name?” You ask awkwardly, not really knowing what to do in this situation. He chuckles softly, the sound soothing, as if he were waiting for you to ask him his name the whole time.

“My name is Renjun.” He said, his gaze still intense and unwavering. You nod, testing out his name, “Renjun”. He hums in response, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as you say his name again in confirmation.

“Well Renjun, do you have any idea where we are?” You ask him. He looks around the area, his expression serious as he takes in his surroundings. You do the same and notice that it appears that you are on some type of island.

“Um no idea, it looks like we’re on some deserted island of some sort,” Renjun replied, his arms still crossed. How is he so calm about this? Must be in some sort of shock, because you felt like you were 2 seconds away from having a breakdown.

“Yeah, it looks like it. What do we do? How do we leave?” You ask frantically. Renjun pushes off the tree and begins to walk around, inspecting the surroundings more closely.

“I-I don’t know. We’re going to have to wait until rescue arrives or find a way to signal for help.” Renjun says his eyes scanning the shoreline and then the trees surrounding the back of you two. You follow behind him.

“That’s a good idea…Should we…do you think we should try to find other people?” You say to him, which causes Renjun to stop in his tracks. He turns to look at you studying your face, not knowing how to say this without making you panic even more.

“No, I don’t think there are any other people here. We’re on a deserted island remember?” He said his tones indicating that he thinks you should have realized that already. You scratch your neck sheepishly, feeling silly for asking that when it was clearly just you two present.

“I suppose that was a dumb question. Sorry.” You say to him avoiding eye contact. Renjun lets out a soft chuckle, a hint of amusement in his eyes before he replies.

“No need to apologize. We’re both still disoriented from the crash.” Renjun says softly, his voice gentle as he approaches you.

“I guess so…” You say as you take in your surroundings. “Should we find shelter? It looks like the sun is going to go down soon.” You finish. He nods his head in agreement, looking up at the sky.

“Yeah, we should find shelter before night falls. We don’t want to be caught in the dark without a place to stay.” Renjun says, scanning the area and searching for a suitable place to take cover. You nod your head, following after Renjun to find shelter. He leads you further into the woods on the island, looking for a spot that is both dry and safe. Finally, he spots a small cave, hidden among the trees.

“This should do.” He said, gesturing for you to follow him inside the cave. You follow him inside the caves entrance and the first thing you think is that it’s cold inside.

“Okay…I don’t suppose you know how to start a fire do you?” You ask looking at him. Renjun just laughs before smirking, his eyes glinting with confidence.

“Of course I do. I’m not completely useless you know.” He says, walking over to gather some dry wood and sticks from the ground. Your eyes widen at his words and you stumble over your words blushing.

“I-I didn’t think you were!” You say frantically. He glances back at you, a hint of a smile on his lips as he sees your flushed face.

“Oh? But you’re flushed, are you sure you don’t think I’m useless?” He teases, continuing to gather the necessary materials for the fire. You sigh exasperated.

“I swear..I just know I don’t know how to. I’m a journalist for crying out loud. It’s not exactly in our job description” You say embarrassed. He just chuckles, shaking his head in amusement.

“No need to explain yourself, I was just teasing you. Journalists have their own skills and starting a fire isn’t one of them I suppose which is okay.” He said stacking the gathered wood in a neat pile in the cave. You smile softly at his words and nod your head.

“Yeah…so what do you do for work Renjun?” You ask trying to make small talk. He glances at you as he begins to arrange the wood for the fire.

“I’m a model.” He says casually, his eyes now back and focused on his task at hand. You process the information and your eyes widen at his revelation.

“A model?! I didn’t know models needed to know how to start fires…” You mumble confused. Renjun huffs out a soft chuckle, amused by your reaction.

“Well, we don’t usually have to start fires normally, but sometimes you need certain survival skills for…other things.” He said vaguely, a sly smile playing on his lips. You nod deep in thought.

“I see…” You say softly, watching Renjun so focused on trying to start the fire. “Is there anything I can at least do to help?” You ask, feeling bad, you aren’t doing anything. He looks up at you, his eyes meeting yours.

“Actually, yes. There is something you can do to help.” Renjun said, gesturing for you to come closer. You nod getting closer to where Renjun is.

“Okay! What do you need me to do?” You ask enthusiastically. Renjun grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Come here and light the fire!” He said, holding out the lighter to you. Your eyes sparkle in delight as you take the lighter from him, your hands barely brushing against each other and you spark the lighter. Renjun watches as you light the fire, a hint of admiration in his eyes.

“You did it. Good job Y/N.” he says, his voice filled with a mixture of pride and approval. You smile up at him.

“Thank you Renjun, I couldn’t have done it without you.” You say softly. Renjun smiles back at you, his gaze softening as he looks at you.

“You’re welcome, but don’t forget, I did most of the work.” Renjun teased, sitting down beside the fire and patting the space next to him. A small smile tugs at your lips and you roll your eyes playfully.

“Right, right.” You say laughing at his gleeful expression. He laughs with you at your eye roll, clearly enjoying the banter between you two.

“Come on, sit down, it’s getting dark, let’s rest.” He says gesturing for you to take the seat beside him once again. You nod and take the seat beside him.

“So, what’s our plan for tomorrow?” You ask, shivering as a cold gust of wind rips through the cave. Renjun notices you shivering from the cold, wraps an arm around your shoulder, and pulls you closer to his warmth.

“Tomorrow, we’ll need to scout the island for food and fresh water. And maybe we can try to find a way to signal for help. Renjun says, his voice low and steady. You nod your head in agreement.

“Do you…”you say hesitating, before whispering the next sentence as if someone or something else would hear you. “Do you think there’s a mountain lion or something that’s in the cave or close by?” You ask with unease. Renjun looks at you and then chuckles softly, his grip on you tightening slightly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe from any wild animals.” He said his voice firm and reassuring. “And I doubt there are any mountain lions on this island, it’s too small for that,” Renjun said softly. You nod your head slowly at his words, feeling more at ease.

“Yeah…that makes sense. I guess I’m just a little paranoid.” You say to him. Renjun gives your shoulder a gentle reassuring squeeze, his expression softening.

“That’s understandable to feel that way, considering our current situation. But I promise, I’ll keep an eye out for anything that might threaten us.” He said his eyes scanning the cave surroundings, the glow of the fire illuminating his stunning features. You thank him sincerely with a soft smile and then a small yawn. He notices your yawn and chuckles. “Looks like someone is tired,” Renjun says, his voice gentle as he pats your shoulder affectionately. You nod slowly.

“I can stay up and help keep watch though still.” You say, another yawn breaking through you. He shakes his head, telling you it’s fine and that you need the rest, that he’ll watch over you. You nod gratefully at his words. “Okay, thank you, Renjun.” You say lying your head on his shoulder and dozing off. Renjun smiles fondly as you rest your head on his shoulder, his hand gently rubbing your arm.

“Sleep well, darling.” He whispers, watching over you protectively as you drift off to sleep.

You awoke the next morning disoriented. You look around to check your surroundings and notice that the jacket Renjun was wearing the previous day was draped on top of you. ‘Renjun…wait where is Renjun?’ you thought to yourself as you looked around searching for him but not seeing him anywhere.

“Renjun…? Renjun! Where are you?” You yell out panicking. Renjun emerges through the cave opening, carrying a bundle of fruit and berries. Renjun looks at you and notices your panic.

“I’m here, I’m here! I just went to gather some food.” He says hearing the nervousness in your voice. Relief spreads over you as you let out a sigh of relief.

“I was so worried Renjun! I’m glad you’re back.” You say quietly. Renjun chuckles as he approaches you, and sets the fruit down.

“Don’t worry so much, I wasn’t and won’t leave you here alone here.” Renjun said his tone serious, before ruffling your hair playfully. You smile softly at his words.

“Thank you, Renjun…what did you find?” You ask the man. Renjun sits down beside you, sorting through the fruits and berries he gathered.

“A mix of mangoes, berries and some wild vegetables. Not the most exciting breakfast, but it’ll do.” Renjun said handing you a mango. You smile and accept the fruit.

“This is great! Thank you!” You say gratefully. Renjun smiles as you take the mango from him, his eye softening.

“No need to thank me. I’m just glad we have something to eat.” He said, grabbing a berry for himself and popping it in his mouth. You smile and nod in agreement. Renjun smiles back at you, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

“You look beautiful when you smile, you know that?” He said his voice soft and genuine. You look up at him surprised by his words, a soft blush on your face.

“Oh, thank you Renjun, that’s sweet of you.” You say softly. He grins, clearly pleased with your reaction. You are both just looking at each other for a bit, enjoying the moment, when you remember the situation and look down sadly.

“What are we gonna do? How are we going to leave? My brother is probably worried sick…” You say, your tone was solemn. Renjun notices the sadness in your expression and his smile falters slightly. He sighed, his expression becoming more serious as he thought about the situation you two were in.

“I-I’m not sure yet…but we’ll figure it out. We’re both smart and resourceful. And I won’t give up until we find a way to leave the island.” He said sincerely, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You look up at Renjun and nod.

“I’m glad it was you I got stuck with.” You say sincerely. He smiles at your words, his eyes sparkling with affection.

“Me too, I’m grateful it was you too, we make a good team don’t we?” Renjun said, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. You smile agreeing with a cheery “We do!”

“Should we look around the island now?” You ask, with newfound vigor coursing through you. Renjun chuckles at your enthusiasm, his heart warming at your smile.

“Absolutely. Let’s explore the island and see what we can find. Who knows, we might discover something to help us find a way to leave.” He said, standing up and offering you a hand to help you up. You take his hand, nodding in agreement. He pulls you up, firmly gripping your hand as you both stand. “Ready to go, partner?” Renjun asks, his eyes filled with a new determination. You grin and nod once again in agreement.

“Let’s do this Junnie!” You say excitedly. He grins at the nickname, his heart fluttering at the sound of it.

“That’s the spirit, darling.” He said, intertwining his fingers with yours, as you begin to walk. You smile softly, squeezing Renjun’s hand, thinking hopeful thoughts. Renjun squeezes back as if he can sense your positive thoughts. He can’t help but feel hopeful as well, feeling a newfound determination to find a way off the island with you by his side. As he thinks this he can’t help but also feel a twinge of sadness as he wonders what will happen once you off the island. Will you forget about him? Will you lose contact? He really hopes that's not the case.

“What if we made a sign? Like we could put some giant rocks that say Help or something.” You suggest bringing Renjun out of his thoughts. He chuckles at your suggestion, nodding in agreement.

“That’s not a bad idea at all. Let’s do it.” Renjun says in agreeance. You two look around for some large rocks that you could use. When you find them you arrange them in a way that spells out “HELP” large enough that it might attract attention from anyone that might be flying by.

“That should do right?” You ask once you finish arranging the giant rocks. You look at your and Renjun’s accomplishments. Renjun steps back and admires the sign a satisfied smile on his face.

“Yeah! It looks great. It’s definitely visible from a distance.” He says, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. You grin, looking up at him hopeful, Rejun returns your smile, gently brushing a strand of stray hair out of your face.

“I have a good feeling about this Y/N, someone will see our sign and come to our rescue soon.” He says, his eyes filled with confidence and hopefulness. You nod with a small “I believe so too.” Renjun leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“That’s my girl, always stay optimistic.” He says, his hand moving to cup your cheek. You blush and look up at him, Renjun chuckles at your blush, finding it adorable.

“You’re so cute, optimism looks good on you darling.” Renjun says, gently tracing his thumb over your cheekbone, as if in a trance. You give him a knowing look before you lean up and press a quick soft kiss to Renjun’s lips. Renjun is caught off guard by the sudden kiss, but quickly recovers and kisses you back, his grip on your waist tightening slightly, before pulling back after a moment, a playful glint in his eyes.

“You’re getting bold, now aren’t you?” He teases, his lips curling into a small smirk. You just smile cutely.

“You deserve it after all your hard work…and for you know…protecting me.” You say bashfully. He laughs softly, his heart melting at your words.

“Oh? You’re just trying to butter me up, aren’t you?” He says pretending to be annoyed but failing to hide his amusement. “I won’t deny it’s working!” He says again.

“It’s just the truth Junnie!” You say smiling playfully, pushing his chest. You look up at the sky and see it’s getting dark again. “Look it’s getting dark again, should we head back to camp?” You ask when you notice the sun going down. Renjun glances up at your words and nods his head in agreement. He reluctantly releases his hold on you, before taking your hand in his leading you back to the makeshift camp you have set up, guiding you through the darkening forest with ease. When you get back to the camp, you stow the fire making it big enough to keep you two warm throughout the night. Renjun watches as you tend to the fire, appreciating your resourcefulness. He helps you gather more firewood and sets up a comfortable spot for you both to rest for the night. You lie down by the fire to gather warmth, before gesturing for Renjun to come to where you are lying down.

“Come, it’s particularly colder tonight.” You say softly. Renjun nods at your invitation and joins you by the fire, sitting down beside you and pulling you into his lap.

“You’re right, it’s cold tonight. But we should be able to keep warm with the fire and each other’s body heat.” Renjun says, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close to his chest. You smile appreciative of Renjun’s warmth and kindness. He rests his chin on your head, enjoying the feeling of having you in his arms. He gently runs his fingers through your hair, feeling content and protective of you. You both fall asleep this way, with you held tight in Renjun’s embrace.

You awake the next morning to the sound of Renjun hitting a coconut. You rub your eyes sleepily, before getting up and walking over to where Renjun is opening the coconut. You lean against the tree next to where he’s struggling to get the fruit to open.

“Any luck?” You ask with a playful grin. Renjun scoffs and blows his bangs out of his eyes. He looks up at you and shakes his head clearly upset at the fact the fruit is so hard to open. You gesture to the fruit asking if you could try. He steps away to let you try. You look around and spot a sharp-looking rock and beat it against the coconut, it takes a few tries but the fruit finally starts to split enough so that you can use your hands to open it fully. Renjuns eyes widen and he laughs in disbelief.

“What the–” He starts but stops and laughs again amazed at you. “What would I do without you?” He says to you. You just grin and shake your head.

“Well you wouldn’t open coconuts, that's for sure!” You say playfully. Renjun just scoffs playfully and takes the piece of fruit you hand to him.

“Well then good thing you’re here right?” Renjun says teasingly. “No, but seriously, I’m glad you’re here…” He says his tone genuine. You grin at him.

“I’m glad you’re here too!” You say just as genuine. He smiles and nods.

“Good, because you’re stuck with me darling,” Renjun said playfully. You laugh at that.

“Well, I guess you’re right.” Renjun smiles at your laughter, loving the sound.

“Damn right, I’m right. You can’t get rid of me that easy,” he said. You snorted at his words.

“I can’t get rid of you, even if I wanted to…but good thing I don’t want to get rid of you.” You say teasing him. Renjun realizes what he said and blushes at his ignorance, choosing to ignore that and steps closer to where you're still standing up against the tree. You grin up at him and hug him to let him know you were just messing with him. Renjun hugs you back, nuzzles his face into your hair, and lets out a low chuckle.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me.” Renjun lets out. You let out a noise of surprise, not expecting him to say that. You swallow thickly. Before responding shyly.

“You’re right…it’s becoming harder to resist you Renjun.” You say softly. Renjun pulls away a bit and smirks at your admission, a sense of satisfaction washing over him. He then steps closer to you, closing the distance between you two until you’re mere inches apart from the other.

“Is that so? I never thought you’d admit to wanting me darling.” Renjun says gently, yet with a hint of lust in his voice. You sigh looking away from him.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to admit that I want you…It’s just that I feel guilty because of the fact I shouldn’t be thinking about things like that when we are trapped here.” You admit to him quietly. Renjun tilts your chin up, forcing you to meet his gaze.

“Guilt? Sweetheart, you shouldn’t feel guilty for being human. And in case you haven’t noticed…we have nothing better to do other than wait.” He says his fingers tracing patterns on your skin, his touch sending sparks down your spine. You gaze into his eyes and nod hesitantly in agreement, letting out a small “You’re right.” Renjun steps even closer if possible, your bodies now flush against each other. His eyes never leave yours as he whispers to you in a low sultry tone.

“So stop holding back, princess. Let go and give in to what you really want.” Renjun says barely above a whisper. You nod slowly and lean into him for a soft kiss. Renjun returns the kiss, his hands moving to your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. The kiss is slow and tender, yet it holds a promise of something more. He deepens the kiss, parting your lips with his tongue, tasting you as if you’re the only thing that can satisfy his thirst. You moan into the kiss, leaning deeper into Renjun. Renjun groans as he can feel your body melting against his own. Your moans drive him crazy as he grips your hips, holding you still as he takes control of the kiss, claiming your mouth with a possessive hunger.

“Renjun…I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. I want you.” You say against his lips. Renjun pulls back slightly, his breathing ragged as he looks at you with a mixture of desire and satisfaction.

“Then you won’t have to lie anymore, darling. I’m all yours…” Renjun says his voice husky with need. You smile and kiss Renjun again, this time the kiss is more needy. He responds to your neediness with equal fervor, his hands roaming over your body as your tongues tangle together. Renjun backs you up against the tree you were once just standing against and pins you up against it as he presses his body against yours, desperate to feel every inch of you. You moan in surprise at his sudden dominance and then begin to unbutton Renjun’s shirt slowly all while kissing him deeply. He lets out a low groan as you unbutton his shirt, the feeling of your touch igniting a fire within him. He breaks the kiss to nip at your neck, his breath hot against your skin.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart,” Renjun says gruffly. You just smirk up at him.

“I know what I’m doing Jun.” You say sultrily. He just chuckles against your neck, nipping at your earlobe.

“Is that so? Then I guess it’s time for me to take control.” He says as he spins you around and presses your front against the tree as he leans in close, his chest against your back. You moan in surprise at his sudden roughness.

“Oh? Show me your best then Renjun.” You say smugly. He just smirks against your shoulder, his hands gripping your hips possessively.

“With pleasure.” He responds before he begins to trail kisses down your neck, nibbling and sucking at your sensitive skin. Renjun’s hands slide under your shirt, his fingers tracing patterns on your stomach. You whine softly at the feeling telling him not to tease. He smirks at your whiney voice, enjoying the effect he has on you.

“I can’t help it…You’re just too cute when you whine like that. He says as he continues to tease you, his hands dancing along the waistband of your pants. You sigh in disdain before grabbing Renjun’s hand and guiding it inside your pants.

“I said don’t tease Jun.” You moan out. Renjun’s breath hitches as you guide his hand, his smirk turning into a full-blown grin. Renjun lets out a growl as he can feel the heat emanating from your body.

“Someone’s eager,” Renjun whispers, his fingers tracing along your inner thigh, deliberately avoiding where you want him to touch you. You roll your eyes playfully.

“And you’re not? I can feel how hard you are Renjun.” He just chuckles and nibbles your earlobe again.

“Oh trust me.” He whispers. “I am very hard, but making you squirm first is much more fun.” He says again as he nuzzles your neck, his breath hot against your skin. He slowly moves his hand closer to where you need him most but not quite there yet, so you take the initiative and guide his hand even further into your pants to cup your center. Renjun’s hand finally moves to where you need it most and he cups you through your underwear, he lets out a low groan when he feels how wet you are.

“You’re so wet for me already pretty girl.” Renjun all but moans out. You nod with a smirk.

“Mhm…now do something about it?” You ask seductively. Renjun can’t help but chuckle at your audacity but lets his hand start to slowly rub you through the wet fabric of your lace panties.

“So demanding. You really want it that badly, huh?” He asks. You nod eagerly letting out a whiney “You know I do Jun,” He hums, his fingers slipping past the waistband of the lace, finally making contact with your bare skin. You moan at the feeling. He groans at your moan, enjoying the effect he has on you. His fingers begin to move in slow circles, teasing your sensitive nub. You squirm as he increases the pace of his fingers rubbing you slightly as you can’t help but let out soft moans at the feeling of his fingers rubbing you so deliciously. He chuckles, loving the sounds you’re making for him so prettily. He moves his other hand to grip your hip to hold you in place as he starts to work you closer to the edge.

“You’re so responsive…I love it.” Renjun groans out. You just whimper asking for his fingers. He teases you a bit more before finally giving in to your pleas, slowly sliding a finger inside you. You moan loudly in response. Renjun lets out a growl as he feels your walls clench around his finger.

“So tight and wet…You’re doing so good for me darling.” Renjun praises you. You groan and yelp out that you ‘need more,’ Renjun adds another finger, curling them up to hit that sweet spot inside you.

“Is that what you wanted? What you needed princess?” Renjun lets out deeply. You whine at his deep tone.

“Please Jun…I want your cock…please!” You all but whimper out. He smirks, his eyes darkening at your words.

“You’re a greedy little thing, aren’t you?” Renjun teases out, quickening his pace. You yelp out a ‘please’. Renjun can’t resist your begging much more and so he pulls his fingers out of you to unbutton his pants and pull out his long slender cock. He places the tip of his cock at your entrance before slowly pushing into you, savoring the feeling of you taking him so nicely. He moans as he bottoms out, resting his forehead against your shoulder.

“You feel so good…you’re taking me so well,” Renjun says breathlessly. You just moan, not being able to form words other than “so deep” Renjun grips your hips tightly, trying to keep his control as he starts to move slowly, pulling out almost all the way before thrusting back in.

“You’re so tight, I could stay buried inside you forever.” Renjun groans out. You moan clenching around him as you feel your high quickly approaching. Renjun can sense your high coming soon so he speeds up his thrusts, one of his hands reaching around to rub your clit.

“Go ahead, cum for me princess,” Renjun says gruffly. You scream out a quick “cumming” as you clench around Renjun’s cock so tightly. Renjun groans as you clench around him, your walls fluttering as you cum. He thrusts a few more times before he follows you over the edge, spilling inside you with a low moan of your name.

As you both come down from your highs, Renjun spins you around and kisses you gently. You two get cleaned up and sit back down by the fire reaching for the forgotten coconut fruit and munching on it. As you eat the fruit you look up and out to the shoreline and see a boat heading toward the island you are on. You jump up and shake Renjun pointing towards the boat in excitement. Renjun sees the boat and the two of you look at each other before grabbing one another’s hand and rushing towards the shore so you can wave down the boat.

As the boat stops a few feet away you hug Renjun close to you before you both swim out in the water to get on the boat. The people on board are hurling questions at the both of you but at that moment you can’t help but hold Renjun and sob. You two did it, you survived the island together, and now you two will go home together. You don’t know what the future holds for you and Renjun but you do know that he will forever be a part of your life.

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bunniisms · 3 months ago

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WALTER. C. DORNEZ HEADCANON DUMP

Blame this headcanon dump on the tremendous support from my friends and my unending obsession with this Old Fart and throwing him down the metaphoric staircases in my brain!

THE C IN HIS NAME ISN'T A MIDDLE NAME. Remind me to talk about it at length later, because it's an entire bullshit that would make this post far, far longer that I've already made it. Instead, the C in Walter's name stands for COURTENAY, the name of the old, old noble family he draws descendants from. Who had historical connections to the art of Vampire Hunting & the Hellsing Family via their connection to the Vatican and support of the late Abraham Van Hellsing.

Walter was the son of a daughter who didn't have the name (or any claim) to pass down beyond her and her late husband's friendship with Arthur Hellsing. As an adult, Walter's reclaimed the title and hyphenated his last name (i.e. Courtenay-Dornez)

TLDR: Walter C. Dornez but the C in his name is a desperate clinging symbol and claim to historic (and almost forgotten) notoriety and a connection to the business he’s attached his whole identity to but never found direct happiness from

WALTER DESCENDS FROM PEERAGE BUT ISN'T DIRECTLY OF ANY IMPORTANCE TO ANY NOBLE FAMILIES

This is sort of canon, but WALTER HAS DEEPLY STAKED HIS SENSE OF IDENTITY AND PERSON-HOOD INTO VAMPIRE-HUNTING and the concept of both his body deteriorating with age, and his gradual sense of being rendered obsolete behind New Operatives and Alucard is the heartbeat in the floorboard driving him to madness. FOR WALTER TO BE BENCHED OR TO BE RETIRED, HE SEES THAT AS THE DEATH OF HIMSELF IN A FAR MORE VISCERAL SENSE

WALTER IS AN OXYMORON OF ARROGANCE AND INSECURITY. Walter struggles with his sense of identity and his place in the world. It's not that he feels useless, but he feels like he has been doomed and damned to forever be third best - unable to move forward - unable to be better, to be wanted by existence (and himself), always envious and wanting for any claim of his own that he can truly sink his teeth into and use as a salve to cover the infected wounds of insecurity that have been with him since he was a child.

HOWEVER, the funny thing with Walter? As much as he feels this way, he is a haughty, arrogant, catty bastard. He views the vast majority of people, human and otherwise, as far, far beneath him, even with his insecurity being what it is. Walter knows he could be MORE, but these other people? It would be a miracle if they even got to his weakest position. Their words have precisely as much weight as the clucking of chickens.

WALTER HIDES THESE TRAITS WITH A JEEVES-LIKE FACADE AND PERSONA OF WARMTH AND HUMILITY. A lot of the time, the Walter seen smiling and bowing, offering his hand and advice, greeting the guests and answering the household's calls with a polite warmth is as superficial as a cardboard mockup - it's an act - the Walter we see walk out and make pot shots to scare Jan and quote his speech back at him. THAT'S THE REAL WALTER. Walter hasn't so much changed that part of him that we saw so much of in Dawn, as much as he's learned to hide it.

ONE OF WALTER'S LOVE LANGUAGES IS TRANSPARENCY. Walter has developed such a false crust of subservience and humility and comically stereotypical butler-like deference. You know you've sunk deeper into his person when he begins lifting the act in more intimate settings. Walter might seem to get sharper and cattier, a little more mean-girl-esc with his judgement and quips, but that's Walter! If you took him for a sweet old man, you bought the charade, hook, and sinker. THIS is the real Walter, THIS is what goes on inside his mind's palace. Either embrace it or take the check and go! Haha

UNLIKE THE HOUSE OF COURTENAY'S CATHOLIC ORIGINS, WALTER IS ANGLICAN and sparsely practicing, making sure to attend major Church Functions alongside the Household (such as Integra) but not making much of a habit of attending the small chapel inside the Hellsing Estate

WALTER HAS FOURTH NERVE PALSY, caused during The Dawn Arc after he sustained a massive skull fracture and very nearly died

YES, HE DOES BLAME ALUCARD FOR THE INCIDENT THAT CAUSED THIS, they were assigned to a mission together, flushing out operatives in Warsaw together, and yet, they became separated. Alucard's bloodlust or showboating slowed him down, and Walter was left alone to fend on his own. While successful for a while, Walter was a child, a lone child, and his enemies had no mercy. By the time Alucard dragged his carcass back to Hellsing, there was little to be done. But, despite rescuing him after, Walter never forgave Alucard for the part he feels Alucard played. His blame is partially misplaced, but it still burns hot, and the paranoia festering in the back of his mind forever wonders whether it was delayed by accident or if he orchestrated it all to stunt his abilities and prevent him from surpassing Alucard? (it's absolutely NOT that Walter, I can promise you)

WALTER HAS A SMALL HABIT OF ALWAYS LEANING/COCKING HIS HEAD SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT SIDE TO COMPENSATE FOR THE DAMAGE TO HIS EYE AND VISION

RE: THE MONOCLE, it's not there for the aesthetics of a Victorian nobleman, though that's not to say Walter doesn't carefully cultivate his image. Walter's monocle is a prescription medical device; it helps correct issues with his depth perception and acquired short-sightedness caused by his palsy (especially with reading). Additionally, it's been a wonder how ptosis symptoms in his right eye that've stemmed from the palsy have been eased with the monocle supporting that side of his face.

WALTER ALSO HAS PERIPHERAL HYPER-MOBILITY SPECTRUM DISORDER most notably impacting his hands, wrists and fingers, but more broadly affecting his ankles and feet too. In recent years, Walter's found that the symptoms have been worsening and spread to his knees, too, but he's never spoken openly about this and resents it greatly. The records from Hellsing-pocket Doctors making note of the degeneration of his condition have always been burned, almost as though destroying them could silence the truth in some way.

THE PURPOSE OF THE GLOVES, while Butlers wearing gloves is a tale as old as time, Walter wears them not to uphold old traditions of cleanliness and not smudging things - but rather to hide the slight but noticeable gaps at the center of each of his fingertips where he ejects the monofilament from, which is unfortunately essential when facing the public. He removes them the second he gets behind closed doors and happily does that.

WALTER HAS A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DISABILITIES, BUT THEN AGAIN, HE HAS A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING

WALTER RE: THE WIRES AND THEIR IMPACT ON HIS BODY, the designs of the Late Hellsing and Seward, while innovative, were... imperfect. Flawed even. Walter REFUSES to come to terms with it, but the wires, despite their impeccable qualities, have been degrading his body MORE than gradually. They are the single leading reason for his Hyper-Mobility Spectrum Disorder; they have been EATING at the cartilage and connective tissue in his limbs and making his gradual decline far quicker than had ever been previously believed.

WALTER GOT HIS WIRES IN AN OPERATION AT TEN. It was a deeply invasive affair that left Walter bedridden for months. Directed by Seward and Hellsing loyalists and conducted by the last design of the Late Abraham Van Hellsing and his mentee Seward. WALTER CONSENTED AT THE TIME, IN FACT, HE WAS EAGER ABOUT IT AND THE PROMISE. Walter wanted the prestige, the power, to feel purpose and drive and to have something that was his, that defined him, and the miserable life he'd been gifted that was always at the mouth of the river, leaving him looking up at the source and the promise he had been born outside of and dreaming. HOWEVER, IT WAS STILL SKETCHY AF AFFAIR, AND AS THE WORD OF GOD, IT WAS, WITHOUT A DOUBT, AN INCIDENT OF ADULTS EXPLOITING THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE, INNOCENCE AND EAGERNESS OF A CHILD FOR PERSONAL BENEFIT.

WALTER'S LOVE LANGUAGE IS QUALITY TIME. Walter, while a womanizer, is no adept man in the art of romance - some would call him a tad clumsy, but that's not it, nor would it be right to call him cold or unromantic. Walter is simply... atypical. He doesn't enjoy grand gestures of romance or constant touch - Walter is a man of boundary, and his ideal form of love is the quiet, cat-like sort of co-existing in joy. Can he perform his duties and passions and look over to see someone he is fond of simply existing - caught in their natural environment and at peace WITH him? That's ideal for him.

WALTER IS A SOMMELIER. Read as Wine Snob, not only for his job, but he just really enjoys wine!

WALTER AND BEING A BACHELOR IS A DELIBERATE CHOICE. He's had proposals passed onto him, and thrice, he's declined. He's had his girls and boys, but never committed even to the point of being considered lovers. Walter is simply most at ease on his lonesome, and though it might seem lonesome at the surface, it's ideal for his line of work and his love style.

HE ALSO IS ALLERGIC TO DEEP COMMITMENT BUT SHHHH

WALTER DOES A LOT OF WORK AND TAKES A LOT OF PRIDE IN KEEPING HIS APPEARANCE. Sorry, I KNOW this man wears expensive colognes that he has organized for the seasons, has all his suits and tail coats properly fitted and has a skincare routine. He IS the type, and I love that for him. His toiletry cabinet is more stuffed with product than either Integra or Seras' COMBINED! He will not leave his room until his hair is slicked back and he smells like sandalwood ON GOD.

THOUGH THAT BEING SAID, HE IS LONELY IN THE SENSE THAT HE FEELS DEEPLY ALONE WITHOUT PEERS; he simply doesn't see most other people, most other creatures, as on his level. In that, and his arrogance, he is deeply alone, but it's a cage of his own creation.

HE LOVES INTEGRA LIKE A DAUGHTER, AND I REFUSE TO SEE IT ANY OTHER WAY; he helped raise that girl - a constant, familiar face in the background of her youngest years. He watched her be born in the house, he was one of the first that held her - she was one of few she gave a big smile to as a baby (she was one of few things that ever made him reconsider his decision to never want children), she watched her walk, then run and grow into a girl and then a confident young woman. And when it comes to the betrayal :,)

I could make an ENTIRE post detailing my thoughts about it and how I portray it, but Walter had been turned into a Freak a long, long time ago, and by the time he met Integra (as in, she was born), he was too far gone to be saved, and he knew it. There was a gun to the back of his head - he had the chip, and he could be toast at any moment; he... well, he selfishly did what he needed to do to survive. Sometimes, the awful truth is that both things can co-exist, and a person can be caught between love and survival and still choose survival, even after everything.

I'm 10000% on copium with this. Still, I feel his whole Ebony Darkness Dementia speech to Integra was to VILLAINIZE HIM AND HIS MEMORY IN HER MIND - he spent DECADES selfishly loving her and raising her, and he knows she returned those feelings. They never spoke about it, but he KNEW. She'd ask him his opinions (even when he, as a servant, wasn't entitled to those against the word of his lord), request him to have dinner upstairs with her and attend church functions alongside him, even when she was a grown woman. He was one of the most consistent fatherly figures she had. He became that for her, but he doesn't want her to spend any years agonizing or grieving over another dead father. Telling her he's a mustache-twirling evil that has always plotted her downfall is another selfish lie. Still, he hopes and needs to believe that maybe, maybe, that'll make it easier on her heart to cope with the rug-pull, his defection (and death) and losing yet another dad.

WALTER IS INTEGRA'S MOST ADAMENT APOLOGIST AND DEFENDER; this is another truth of mine I will take to the grave, and Hirano can fight me. It's not Walter's place as a servant to feel that level of protection over his master - even given his place, having watched her grow. Still, something alien takes over his sensibilities when he hears people speak against her brazenly, and he'll stamp it out in his own petty way. He's her dad, your honour!

#long post #bunni rambles #hellsing #walter dornez #hellsing ultimate #yall don't know the self control it took to not include Amity in this

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modern-politics111 · 2 months ago

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This Inauguration Day, remember two things: You are not alone. And you have the power to help

Today, it's normal and expected to feel afraid and angry. So much has been said about Trump's plans and all the terrible things he wants to do. And many well-meaning voices have talked about these plans so often, they feel inevitable.

I want this post to serve as a history lesson for younger readers, and a reminder for old folks like me. The big lesson: We've faced exactly this situation before. We got out of it. And we have the power to do it again.

Here's what I mean:

You are not alone

Trump and the GOP want you to feel like everyone supports him now. They're acting like all Americans are full MAGA now and that the culture has shifted away from liberalism.

But that's not true. The man won a small popular vote victory on the back of millions of voters not showing up this time. Check the research; in most cases, the "huge shifts towards Trump" was really voters not showing up. Not good, of course, but not a sign of a mass conversion to MAGA.

And communities like this one still exist. We're not just here to be a community - more on that in a sec - but you're among 60,000 friends across America and internationally who aren't OK with this. And those groups exist in real life, too, likely near you. Check them out, because being too online is part of the problem, too. And the Internet is where a lot of the non-stop wave of untrue predictions of doom come from.

Find your community of people who want to resist. Start here, and look around offline. But remember that there are millions just like you, who want to stop this.

You have the power to help

Let's get this out of the way: There will be elections. Elections we can win. Elections that matter.

Don't believe me? Come back tomorrow (Jan 21). There's an election in South Carolina - State House District 113 in North Charleston, Hanahan, and Summerville, to be exact. It's a safe Democratic seat, just the kind of seat a tyrant would prevent elections in. When the polls close tomorrow at 7, you'll see that we still have elections.

Then we have a chance to build Dem power in Iowa, maintain control of the Minnesota State Senate, and choose our candidates for two critical US House elections. Those elections will happen, too.

Later in the year, we've got to maintain control of the WI and PA Supreme Courts, win back the Virginia Governor's office, and flip state and local governments across America. Those elections will happen, too.

In 2017, we all got a lesson in government. Specifically, that state and local governments can do a lot to resist the President's agenda. These races are where the power is. And when you start winning, you build momentum and energy. Then you can win races you thought Democrats had no business winning.

And that's why this sub exists. To inform you of these elections, and give you the tools to help win them from anywhere.

You can help win all sorts of elections right now. I know. Today is hard, and it hurts. But a secret I've learned is that sitting in your misery, or yelling it into the void, rarely makes things better. The cure for sorrow is changing the situation. And you'll be amazed at how easily Trump folds on his big promises when he gets a little resistance.

You are not alone. You have the power to help. And we're right here with you.

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lunaartgallery · 2 months ago

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JAN 2025 | BIG Updates

Happy New Year everyone, I'm back from holiday! Onward to the rest of the updates because I got a few.

Hellven Novel

The book is complete and I'm working on reviews / edits. I don't have a specific release date due to life circumstances but I will get Hellven out sometime this year. I am determined about that one.

Thank you for everyone's support through Hellven, it's a been a long time in the making and so many hours poured into it as my first official novel. I still need to make some concept art for certain characters, and settle on a final panel style. Probably, black and white stark-inked contrast.

Excited to work on that after things settle down.

BIG Life News

This one is quite the doozy. So, this is no easy decision to make but after watching the current industry landscape for the past years or so - I've decided to quit the professional art field. I don't want to make this a mile long sob-story, I'll keep it short. I've pursued art since I was a kid, went to school, got a full-ride, got many opportunities, and continued to sacrifice a significant portion of my life to my studies.

In the end I wish I could I say that all you need is hard-work to make it. Maybe once ago, but this isn't true anymore. I see many artists far into their career I look up to struggling with the current landscape. The newbies are doing even worse. The truth is, you need a ton of luck or someone to support you.

So I'm out, I've decided to go into a different field entirely. It's not all doom and gloom, in a way I'm free. Free from never feeling good enough, and free from the future of endless up-hill battles.

What this this mean

I'm not quitting art itself. It's still my hobby and I'll still take side-gigs. But I am quitting the pressure of being a certain way, including all the social media algorithmic bullshit. Yearly portfolio work and constant studying- I'm done with it all.

I'm going to draw when I want to draw, whatever I want to draw and I'll post weekly if I can.

Confessions of an artist

I got to get this off my chest.

Once my queue is up you'll see my art style change, and my subject matters. It's hard to describe, but I've formed myself in a certain way in-order to achieve something that I completely lost myself along the way.

I miss my old self, my college self when I did all these funky projects like Skull-Kidz! and CUPP. That type of work, was ME. Weird ugly people, in odd situations. Heavily influenced by my favorite styles, Soul Eater and Gorillaz. I never liked realism btw, I only did it because I felt like I had to. Generally I need to step back and just cleanse myself from all these rules.

Thank you for supporting me through it. I don't know what the future holds but I am hopeful that it will be better.

Here's to a new job, new career, and a better mental state.

#updates

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expanding-hyrule · 3 months ago

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To go with our Story Spotlights community project, it's time to launch Expanding Hyrule's first community challenge: TBR BINGO!

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Rules

All works must by Original Legends to count.

You don't need to finish catching up with a work for it to count (outside of specific prompts), just enough to say a few nice things about it.

A work can only be used for one square across all cards.

Multiple cards can be submitted.

There are three ways to get entries in the prize raffle: A Single Line/Standard Bingo is 1 entry, a Full Card is 5 entries, and posting about the works you're reading is an additional entry for any completed cards. Be sure to tag @expanding-hyrule if you post about your Bingo entries so we can find it!

Completed Bingo cards need to be submitted by Jan 14th, 2025 to the included Google Form.

Challenge List

Letters are rows, numbers are columns, reading left to right

A1 - Recommended by a friend

A2 - A genre I don't normally read

A3 - Caught up on a work

A4 - An incomplete project

A5 - I made an Original Legends work!

B1 - Updated this year

B2 - Less than 5000 hits or 500 notes

B3 - Picked because of the synopsis

B4 - A comic

B5 - Subscribed to an ongoing work

C1 - A familiar creator

C2 - An Original Legends work not in the archives

C3 - Show Us Your EH TBR

C4 - By a mutual or someone I'd like to be a mutual

C5 - Multiple POVs

D1 - A new favorite

D2 - A reread

D3 - A fic

D4 - A genre I love

D5 - Picked because of the title

E1 - A compete project

E2 - Last updated more than a year ago

E3 - A new creator

E4 - Less than 1000 hits or 100 notes

E5 - Left a review in EH's Story Spotlights

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Prizes

Several of our very talented creators have volunteered their time and talent to offer the prize pool you see below. If there are any creators who would like to add a prize to our prize pool, please reach out to the blog!

The prize pool works via raffle. After the form closes, I will begin the process of contacting our winners via DM from either this blog or @amelias-hart. Winners will have 24 hours to get back to me or forfeit their prize. After which, I will help coordinate you with the prize you picked. Entry requires providing contact information, so you must be old enough to have an account to enter.

Keep in mind creators have final discretion on what they are and are not comfortable creating. Be respectful of their time.

Writing

500 word drabble (In fandom, genfic to NSFW) - @drsteggy

500-1000 word drabble (French or English) - @karama9

Art

Fullbody color character drawing - @doubtfulloser

Flats halfbody character drawing - @hummbirds

Flats halfbody character drawing (with optional animal companion) - @nayru-s-clay-tablet

3-4 server emojis - @alternate-triforce/ @doomed-era

Half-size portrait of one or two characters, with gradient flats (will need character references or details) - @aheavenscorner

Other

500 word drabble or pencil sketch - @loz-untold-myths

#zelda fandom #zelda fanfiction #loz art #original legends #loz: original legends #legend of zelda #loz zelda #zelda #legend of zelda fanart #loz #tloz #TBR BINGO

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foxhole-tarot · 3 months ago

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Pick a Card Weekly Reading - Jan 6 25

Relax your eyes and notice which of the 3 lower piles they're drawn to. pick the pile that calls to you

The Alleyman's Tarot

Take what resonates, leave what doesn't

Universal Cards (Top)

Justice sideways, The Lovers

This reading 2 cards jumped for me while doing my initial shuffle. they are general cards describing in a grander sense what applies to all.

Justice, sideways: The balance is tipped. There are wrongs that are in need of righting. This card can go either way, you have the power to tip the scales in your life. Look inside yourself, what immediately jumped to you reading this? Perhaps it's interpersonal, financial, or more broadly political. This card calls for you to do work.

The Lovers: You are missing something in your life. You are longing for its presence, perhaps even its return. All this, yet you have love in your life already. You underappreciate this love, you fail to truly foster it. Love is like an succulent, it requires the most delicate handling and care. Remember to water it.

Take these cards with you through your next reading, connect the dots. These cards are meant to be read together but I will leave you, the querent, to find their meaning in your life.

Pile 1 (Left)

The Moon reversed, Lightning in a Bottle reversed, Ten of Attention reversed

You're in a social hole in the ground. You are surrounded by people who are entirely indifferent to you while you crave their attention and praise. You live off of their love for you but your source has run dry. The people you depend on are slowly growing distant from you. you feel desperate and are grasping at anything to keep them.

It's time to leave.

You don't realize how bad it's gotten until you hit a breaking point. You are at your breaking point. You will find joy elsewhere. You will find people who love you and you will find ways to value yourself as a person beyond the praise you receive. You will rebuild your self esteem but first you have to get out.

Pile 2 (Middle)

Strength, The Hawkmoth reversed, Weird Ass Mystical Shit

You are afraid of the unknown. It calls out to you, it threatens you. You are in a predicament and you don't know what the answer will look like. It's beyond you. Some things are not meant to be known. There is kindness in ignorance, fighting against the future is futile. Some things are hidden for a reason. You will find peace when you accept that you are out of control of fate. You cannot alter what happens in the future and you cannot guarantee that you'll know what happens at all. You are seeking answers that no one can give you.

You are strong on your own.

You do not need to know what the future holds because you are a fighter. You are resilient in the face of challenge and when an inevitable struggle appears you will have the energy and passion to survive it. All people will encounter trouble in their lives. It's up to you to survive it.

Pile 3 (Right)

The Magician, Four of Wands, Ouroboros

There are two sides of you right now, the side attempting to balance the many aspects of your life and the side that wants to curl up under the covers with some hot tea and a nice book. You are seeking refuge from your obligations and in the process you are eating yourself alive. You are creating your own doom.

It's time to start juggling.

It's wonderful to seek refuge in comfort but it must not come at the expense of the rest of your life. When you find yourself sleeping through too many days the neglected obligations will come knocking. it's just a matter of time. break the cycle, pick up that envelope you've been meaning to read, make that phone call, write that email. it's time to bring productivity back into your life.

#witchblr #pick a card #tarot reading #tarot cards #tarotblr #witchcraft #pick a pile #daily tarot #tarot blog

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absolutebl · 1 year ago

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This Week in BL - The unexpected rise of cooking crush & seme bjs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 9 of 12 - I love this show so damn much. This may be my KinnPorsche. It’s just so endlessly entertaining in a perfectly unhinged way. I love that they looped Tharn’s dad back into the murder investigations.

You know kinksters have invented necklaces that can’t come off… right? Just saying.

Meanwhile, would it still be BL if our seme didn’t wake up from drowning and instantly go chase snake?

No. No it would not.

Remember the one hard and fast rule of BL? When a seme gives a BJ it’s penance. Phaya is apologizing to Tharn for leaving him behind.

Heh. Hard and fast. I kill me.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 14 - How is this absurd creature managing to rise in the ranks? Pavel turned in some stellar grief and ALANJEFF have my whole heart. I make Ikea puns in the... Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 7 of 12 - The make-out montage was absolutely charming and very much American rom com style - interesting (and rare) to see in a BL (not to mention from OffGun. How far we have come since Puppy Honey?)

Meanwhile, another wonderful grandma in a BL!

Next week we do an actual harken back to Puppy Honey, so obviously I’m now enjoying this whole show way more than before. I think it helped that I watched it earlier in the week, when it wasn’t competing with any other BLs.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - Not gonna lie, I knew from you all that this was gonna be a rough ep. But I very clearly remember the penultimate Bad Buddy ep so I now have slightly more trust than others in GMMTV on this matter.

That said, this was a crap episode.

You can’t set Mork’s truth and character motivation reveal up like that and then have his lover choose to dismiss him in a way that diminishes not just both character's growth AND all of Mork's actions towards Day, but also our faith in every other character. It was a shitty narrative thing to do to us, and it was a shitty thing to do to Mork. And that doesn’t even take into account the forgiveness allotted by the story to Day’s unrepentant excuse for a mother. The doom should have been handled differently. The mom shoudl have leaned in even more evil and actively lied to split them apart.

I don't know if they can redeem this misstep in the final episode. But I'm interested to see them try. That said, this plot seem to be true to the book.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - A major trigger has landed. But also it’s clear who’s fault that incident was... and it’s not Him’s. So Blue's so-called-friend really is unhinged. This episode was a little bit more engaging than last week, but it’s only because stuff actually happened. I’m still not sure I enjoyed it.

Twins the series (Fri GaGa) ep 12fin - Despite the fact that I’ve been annoyed by the show the last couple of episodes, I’m still sad for it to end. It was a good reveal and First had the right response. Also a very sports way to end it. Sprite is a v clingy bf.

In brief?

A messy very Thai pulp sports romance that actually managed to involve sports in an identical twins trading-places plot. Basically Not Me meets HIStory 2 Crossing the Line (although vastly inferior to either) with an endearing main character and a good lead pair (poor things), both soapy and earnest without too much camp. It tried so hard but the plot, side couples, and extraneous characters let us down. Passable if not great. 7/10

Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Eh. Whatever.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 22 of 24 - skipped this installment

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - Funny how quickly he retracted that confession and everyone called him out for doing it too soon (including me from a narrative beats perspective). It was a cute screw up - I see what your meta-arse is doing there, Japan. Also our Tokyo-boy’s serious reserved earnestness is extra adorable in the surrounded by Osaka enthusiasm context. His accidental flirting is that much more heart wrenching for our poor baby seme. And they ended this ep with honorific negotiations!! Be still my heart. I’m really adoring this show.

Your hyung romance super fan is back in the game!

Meanwhile the Osaka accent is beyond adorable.

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 of 8 - Japan what are you doing? I do love the not-sorta-ex from the past.

VIP Only (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 10fin - I loved all the young people in the hawker center supporting the campaign against the terrible mother. They make a good domestically sappy couple. But that is Taiwan's specialty.

In brief?

A sweet if aimless story about a writer and a chef finding love via noodles, fake dating, and family challenges. If it had a tighter script and a shorter run, more like a KBL this might’ve been quite special. But it didn’t and it lost me too many times. 6/10

I don’t like to be disappointed by Taiwan.

It's done: I Need to Catch up

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmeses BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

It's Airing But...

[INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Beside You (Thai YouTube) - a 3 sp short that's supposed to have started but I can't find it.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Ends next week. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year-end round ups:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

BL 2023's Best:

Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

Cute Bits of Domesticity

Boys Feeding Boys

BOOP!

Best Cuddles

Heads in Laps

Touching Head Touches

Thailand Put His Head on Your Shoulder

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES FROM THAILAND

Next Week Looks Like This

1/23 Happy Ending is a new high school set Strongberry 20 min short staring the actor who played Milk on Choco Milk Shake, so... YES PLEASE. I'm not sure where it will air but we all have our fingers crossed for Gaga or YT. Or both.

1/24 Love For Love's Sake (Korea Gaga & iQIYI)- based on the Manhwa ‘Love Supremacy Zone’ by Hwacha. A young man is dropped into a game based off a novel he loves. His mission is to make another player, YeoWoon happy. But then the game starts unfolding completely different from the novel.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Viva la BL grandma superiority! (Cooking Crush)

Cooking Crush casually givign us some lovely lesbians (as indeed did The Sign). GL makes for a lovely acessory BL, carry on.

Now GMMTV, give us the REVERSE.

I love this dork SO MUCH. (Pit Babe)

I love that Cherry Magic is doing this scene over. One of my favs from the original.

Yai is BEST BOY. MVP and most likely the winner for 2024's Namgoong award.

(Last week)

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ufonaut · 1 year ago

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"a disaster beyond description" - the parallax view on parallax (& coast city's destruction)

i've often talked about the importance of pre-parallax retcon hal jordan, what a radical move his downfall had been for an art medium so uniquely focused on status quo and how much walking that back in post-2005 continuity damaged the character & his development. however, something i've become increasingly interested in lately is the outsider point of view on the magnitude of coast city's destruction and hal's descent into madness -- the reverberations of one of the darkest days in the dcu were far and wide for a good long while there but rarely acknowledged outside of nostalgia pieces nowadays and even more rarely understood as a thoroughly visceral, well-written, well-planned arc that intentionally portrayed the superhero world as largely unsympathetic to the trauma of one of their own but the average civilian as grappling with that loss nearly on the same scale that hal did.

to that effect, i thought i would show a highlights reel of this outsider POV and how much it adds to the weight of the pre-2005 story. while i've accepted some tie-ins to major events (ie zero hour 1994, final night 1996), this will feature titles entirely unrelated to green lantern presented in real life chronological order by publication date in order to showcase the impact that's compelled me so (that's no convergence: green lantern, no legends of the dcu #33-36, etc).

"every office, every home, every school and hospital is atomized. the west coast and its entire ecosystem is instantaneously shattered-- and more than seven million men, women and children that once called the coast city area home-- die."

to set the scene, the explosion that destroys coast city actually appears in superman 1987 #80 (cover date: aug 1993) as part of hank henshaw and mongul's plan.

the destruction had spread as far as santa barbara & the los padres national forest. getting closer to ground zero, hank henshaw also proceeds to resolutely take care of a handful of the sole survivors:

(adventures of superman 1987 #503, cover date: aug 1993)

you all know the reading order here. past the return of superman and the events of emerald twilight, the first outsiders to have gotten the news are the darkstars

whose immediate course of action is to brand hal jordan a criminal (darkstars #23, cover date: aug 1994)

and as zero hour-induced temporal anomalies keep coming up, the darkstars start seriously considering further tampering with time in order to prevent "the creation of a power-mad monster" (darkstars #24, cover date: sept 1994).

it's a sentiment that the majority of hal's justice league colleagues share, as zero hour: crisis in time and the final night both tell us, but a more sympathetic view comes two years later in the spectre 1992 #47 (cover date: nov 1996)

and a more neutral one from waverider in superman: the doomsday wars #2 (cover date: dec 1998)

interestingly enough, more details of the in-universe perception of hal's actions comes from deadman: dead again

where we learn that "sources close to the JLA" have actually issued a press statement naming hal as wholly responsible for the green lantern corps massacre, with no hint that they've been equally forthcoming about the motive behind his actions (deadman: dead again #4, cover date: oct 2001)

the last pre-retcon word goes to superman: day of doom #3 (cover date: jan 2003), a sobering portrayal of the immense horror of coast city's annihilation and subsequently a look into the reality that had made hal snap:

post-retcon, nostalgia pieces like dcu: legacies #8 (feb 2011) and dc retroactive: superman - the 80s (oct 2011) both treat the mad-with-grief version of the story as the truth -- as does the 2015 convergence event --but outside of these few instances, the tour de force of storytelling that is this years-long arc has been cast aside in favor of an unnecessary retcon. as the zero hour: crisis in time 30th anniversary approaches, i'd say it's just the right time to remember that hal (unrepentant hal, power-hungry hal, hell-bent on making everything right hal) had had a perfectly proportional reaction to the tragedy he'd endured, if not outright a justified one.

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theraggedygirl11 · 1 year ago

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Baš ja, koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud

Bojan's POV

Kris' POV: AO3 - Tumblr

SUMMARY: In a world where Heaven and Hell exist, angels and demons are constantly fighting and killing one another. What if a demon easily dominated by his emotions falls in love with a stoic and cold angel trained to kill demons?

PAIRING: Bojan Cvjetićanin/Kris Guštin

WARNINGS: swearing, blood, implied violence, hurt/comfort, implied suicide, emotional rollercoaster, enemies to lovers, hint of jance in the background

WORDS COUNT: 5.094

LINK: AO3

NOTES: Hello! Welcome to my first ever BoKris fic. It all started from this post by @arctixout and that damn tag (for reference: #stoic angel!kris and demon!bojan who's slave to his emotions and then they somehow fall in love wait who said that). And what could I do? It was too juicy to not write something out of it! So here we are.

Besides, as you can see from the title, I used Bluza (Youtube video and lyrics+translation) as my inspiration (and background music while writing), and this songs plays a role in the plot too 👀 yeah, I know we all think this is a BoJere song, but in this fic it's a BoKris fic, you'll understand why

Also, thanks to my beta @anxious-witch!

Last but not the least, I did this aestethic/moodboard trying to match @arctixout gifs

“You should talk to him.”

“Why? He's a demon. He's impure, a damned soul.”

“And you love him.”

“Angels can't love. He started corrupting me.”

“Angels can love and they must love. It's not corruption.”

“How can you tell it's not his corruption, Jan?!”

“Because I fell in love with a demon too. And I accepted it. Go to him, speak to him. He’s singing for you.”

When humans think about demons, the mental image they have is that of a terrifying creature, maybe with huge bat wings, a tail with an arrowhead at the end, claws, horns, red skin, maybe even hooves instead of feet.

Well, we do have a tail, and wings, and claws, but nothing alike of what you see in those pictures, and not every demon has them. We own a human form, just like everyone on this planet, that we use to roam among mortals. We have feelings, desires, hobbies, friends and families. Our only drawback is being born a demon from demon parents. We are guardians in Hell, we just watch over the damned souls who doomed themselves to suffering.

Heaven knows this, angels too, but they deliberately chose to not see this, to hate us, and they kill us with no hesitation when they find us on Earth. They think we are impure beings that don’t deserve to live.

And this is what led me, a demon, to meet the most beautiful creature ever seen on every plane of existence. I fell in love with an angel, I don’t even know his name, but I will discover it.

He almost killed me, I was terrified for my life, but he stopped when our eyes met, the sharp point of his dagger barely touched my throat. Something exploded in my chest, my heart was beating so fast. I've never felt something similar to what I felt at that moment.

And since that night I find myself staring at the sky so often, during both daytime and nighttime. Am I a hopeless romantic that waits for his angel to come and get him? Oh yeah, you can bet on it. And I'll wait for him to appear for eternity, if necessary.

* * *

“Bojan, come on!” Shouts Nace, one of my dearest demon friends. “We are late!”

I turn my eyes in his direction. I was staring at the sky, again. As always, no signs of my angel. He will appear, I’m sure of it, but this is not that day. I sigh, then reach Nace and Jure.

“Still looking for that feathered ass?” Jure asks.

“I…yes. I’d like to meet him again.”

“It’s better if you forget him, he will try to kill you again the next time he sees you,” says Jure while looking me in the eyes.

“He’s different. I’m sure of it. He didn’t kill me.”

“No, but he was about to,” replies Nace. “You know better than us that those winged assholes can’t be reasoned with.”

I lower my eyes, aware of the truth behind Nace’s words. We lost so many of our demon friends because of angels. But maybe…maybe he’s not like the other angels. I saw something in his eyes, something different, this sparkle.

With this thought in mind, I followed Nace and Jure to our destination: there’s a concert of a human band we all like, so we decided to go. We enjoy music so much, we also joke about forming a band together and tour together on Earth, among mortals, but that would put too much attention on us. It’s too dangerous. But at least we can enjoy concerts and gigs!

I’m dancing, taken away by the rhythm of the songs, when my gaze meets familiar eyes in the crowd, two amazing blue-green seas. I completely stop, and so does he. The music and every other sound disappears along with the people around me.

We stare at each other for moments that seem to last decades, blue into brown, light into darkness, Heaven into Hell, a perfect but forbidden combination, something that should never exist.

This magic spell breaks when I feel a hand on my shoulder and immediately after a tight grip. I turn and see Nace on my side, who is harshly staring at my angel. Jure appears on my other side.

I turn again towards my angel and I see two other people near him, one of them with dark and long messy hair and a beard, the other one with shorter hair but well combed and a trimmed beard. They are definitely angels. And they know we are demons.

The guy with messy hair steps in our direction, but my angel stops him, raising his hand and using it as a barrier. The dark-haired angel steps back and quickly glances at his friend. No one says a word.

“Bojči, let’s go,” Jure whispers into my ear, then grabs my arm and pulls me away.

I keep looking at my angel until I can no longer see him in the crowd.

In the next weeks Nace and Jure forbid me to go to the surface, but I sneak out. Every other demon could tell that my self-preservation instinct got fried because I want to talk to that angel, at all costs.

I keep looking at the sky, searching for him. Waiting for him to show up. And every single time nothing happens. But I’m stubborn, I won’t give up.

Tonight the sky is clear, stars are shining bright, and there's a small crescent moon. I'm lying on a patch of grass in the middle of nowhere, around me only trees and mountains.

Suddenly a shadow partially covers the sky above me.

“What are you doing here all alone?”

I startle and stand up immediately, recoiling scared. When I recognise the person in front of me, I wide my eyes and open my mouth in surprise.

“Angel,” I whisper.

It’s dark, but I can sense his piercing blue eyes on me. He’s tall, taller than Jure and Nace too. His cheekbones are prominent, I can for sure cut myself while stroking them. Maybe I’m a masochist, but I want to touch them and feel them under my hands and bleed for him. He’s standing straight, rigid like a soldier, or maybe a general, I can’t tell his celestial rank.

“I repeat, since you seem to not understand my words, what are you doing here all alone?”

Shivers run down my whole body, his voice is…ok, this might sound cheeky, but yes, his voice sounds angelic, a slow caress of a lover on my back down to my waist.

“I was looking for you.”

“For me?” He’s surprised.

“Yes, for you. I wanted to talk to you, angel.”

Now he’s confused. Well, not every day a demon comes looking for an angel. I go closer to him, moving slowly.

“I’m not armed,” I show him my hands. “You can check on me. This is not a trap.”

His eyes follow every single movement I do, even more carefully when I’m in front of him. I stare at his face, stunned by his beauty. I lift a hand to touch it, but I stop mid-air. No, I can’t touch him, my dirty hands can only ruin his perfection.

“Why do you want to talk to me, exactly?”

“I…I want to know you, angel.”

“I beg your pardon, you want to know…me?”

“Yes,” I nod. “You are amazingly beautiful, angel,” I let slip this comment, without realising.

I notice a weird red-ish colour on his face. Did I just make him blush? I chuckle, he replies with a shy smile. Oh, he’s so wonderful! That smile almost made me melt on the spot.

“Would you like to…I don’t know, come grab a coffee or anything else to drink?”

Who said that angels and demons can’t get along well? They must have never met an angel, then.

My angel, whose name is Kris, is a pleasant company. Well, he’s still a little bit rigid, but since that night when we had a couple of drinks together in a bar he became much more open and relaxed and he smiles so much now! Oh, I adore his smile. And his laugh too!

We started going out together here and there, but every time it happens, my heart almost explodes out of joy. I can’t wait to see him again and again and again. Jure and Nace are worried for me, but I feel safe around Kris. He’s not like the other angels.

Our “dates�� are pretty diverse. Sometimes we just hang out in some park or in the middle of wild places; once we sat on a cliff for hours, we talked and we observed the environment, at least Kris, I was too busy looking at him with heart eyes. Some other time we choose a city and we explore it, we can just appear anywhere in the world, a perk of being supernatural creatures!

This night though is special. Tonight I will confess my feelings to Kris. By now we have been seeing each other for some months and I’m completely sure about my love for him. Yes, I, a demon, fell in love with an angel, I’m not afraid of saying it, I want to shout it from the top of a building.

I’m putting on some makeup. I’m in front of the mirror in the bathroom of a small apartment I rented for when I’m roaming around on Earth. Jure and Nace are with me in the room, they are still worried for me.

“Are you sure of what you are about to do?” Nace asks.

“Yes, never been so sure in my long demonic life,” I reply.

“But he’s an angel, Bojči,” Jure whispers. “He’s dangerous. What if he’s playing with you?”

“He’s not, Jurček. I see how he looks at me, he…I think he’s in love with me too,” I glance at him through the mirror.

“Angels are sly creatures, you can’t trust them,” Jure adds.

“They say the same stuff about us, you know?”

I smile at my reflection. That black eyeshadow with glitter is perfect for me, my eyes are shining. “I love him, I’m going to tell him this. Tonight will be a special night, nothing can change this.”

We hear the sound of wings in the living room. He’s here.

I almost run in the room, a huge smile appears on my lips when I see him. He’s wearing beige trousers, a shirt with light colours and floral designs and a silver jacket. He’s from Heaven, no one can be mistaken. And his clothes collide with mine: I’m wearing black trousers and a black t-shirt, when we’ll go out I planned to wear a bright red leather jacket. He’s the good boy, I’m the bully, the bad boy.

“You are stunning, ljubavi .”

“You…too, Bojan.”

I notice his eyes passing over me. I turn and I see Jure and Nace.

“Oh, yeah, these are my dearest friends. This is Jure,” and I point to the blonde demon. “And this is Nace,” I move my hand towards the tattooed demon. “They are safe, they won’t hurt you. I ask you to do the same.”

“...fine,” he grants. His eyes turn back to me. I notice hesitation in him.“You put on makeup.”

“Yes, just for you. Do you like it?”

“You…look good.”

I grab his hand. “I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.”

I practically pull Kris to the bathroom, where I make him sit on the edge of the bathtub.

“What are you trying to do, little demon?”

“I told you, it’s a surprise,” I reply while I take the palette I bought the other day. I start putting makeup on his face, I chose a wonderful golden eyeshadow for him. I admire my work.

“You are otherworldly, ljubavi . Open your eyes.”

Kris opens his eyes and looks in the mirror. I observe his reaction: I can read astonishment in his face.

“Gold is your colour. It suits you perfectly.”

“I-It does,” he whispers.

I smile and kiss him on the cheek. “We can go, then. I have other surprises for you, my angel.”

Our first stop is at a wonderful restaurant where we had already eaten so many times because it’s Kris’ favourite. I let him order whatever he wants and then pay for the whole dinner. We talk about many topics, but Kris is weirdly more silent than usual.

“Is everything ok, ljubavi ?”

“Yeah, sure, don't worry. I…had a rough day in Heaven, that's all.”

I smile fondly at him, then gently grab his hand and slowly stroke its back.

“Now it's time for you to relax, then. Enjoy this night out.”

Our eyes lock. I see him relaxing a bit, the shadow of whatever happened retreating.

Once dinner is finished, we take a long walk into the city centre. It's almost summer, the temperatures are pleasant, so many other humans are around. We blend in, looking like a proper couple, even because we are holding hands.

When we arrive at our final destination of the night, I bring Kris to the top of a building, so we can be alone and closer to the sky, his home.

“Why did you bring me here?” Kris asks.

I shake one hand in the air, around us many candles appear and some slow music starts spreading, embracing us. I turn towards my angel and offer him my hand.

“Would you like to dance with me, Kris?”

He looks at me, confused, but then takes it. I lay my other hand on his waist and smile at him. We start dancing, slowly. My angel is a bit embarrassed, but he tries to follow my lead.

“Just let the music flow over you. Hear it inside of you and allow it to take control over your body,” I whisper to him with a tender voice.

A few seconds later Kris is more relaxed and we are dancing more fluidly, following the rhythm and the melody. I can’t stop smiling while I look at my angel. He’s so beautiful, so ethereal, so perfect. I can see stars reflecting into his eyes, an entire galaxy in which I could lose myself, bewitched by its beauty.

We keep dancing along with the music, but the more we dance, the more I see a shadow coming back in Kris’ eyes, until he leaves my hands and takes two steps back.

“We can’t go on doing this, Bojan.”

“Why not? I don’t understand.”

“Because we can’t! You are a demon, and I’m an angel. We are not supposed to…mingle.”

“We are not mingling, ljubavi . This is a romantic date between two creatures who have feelings for each other.”

I grab the angel's hands and look him in the eyes.

“Kris, I'm not the monster Heaven teaches you to despise. You saw me, you got to know me.”

“You are still a demon, Bojan, no matter how you behave or what you do.”

“And so? What does it change between us?”

“I'm a freaking angel! We are supposed to fight each other, not…doing this, dancing alone like two teenagers in love!”

“Only because we are not human teenagers? Because we come from two different places? Because others tell us that we should hate each other?” I clutch his hands between mine. “You know me,” I repeat. It’s the truth, we have been seeing each other for some months now. I bring one of his hands on my chest, right over my heart. “This heart is yours, ljubavi , and no one else’s.”

“Bojan, this is wrong .”

“Kris, I love you. What's wrong with that?” I feel my heart sink into my chest. “You…don't love me?”

“No, Bojan. I don’t love you. Let’s stop pretending.”

My heart stops beating in that exact moment and I feel my head spin. The ground under my feet is crumbling. I’m falling even if I’m right in front of Kris, my angel. I struggle breathing.

“I-I’m not pretending.”

“Don’t lie, Bojan. You are a demon, all demons do is lie. You know who and what I am, you saw weakness in me because I didn’t kill you that day. You are corrupting me because you want me to lose my wings!”

“I know you are an angel and nothing else! I-I don't want you to lose your wings!” There’s panic in my voice, and maybe it’s showing on my face too. “I’m not lying!”

“You want to bring me to the path of perdition! You want me to fall, just like Lucifer.”

I let Kris' hands go and recoil, stuttering. My heart is clenched, it can’t beat.

“I-I’m not, Kris. I-I don’t want to-”

“Stop lying!” He shouts and his eyes begin shining out of celestial power. “You are a filthy demon. You don’t change, you just want to destroy us.”

I recoil again, scared, I even fall on the ground. I stand up then turn and run away as fast as I can. Tears sting my eyes violently, they want to come out and a few seconds later they manage to do so. My makeup is for sure ruined and dripping down my face.

I feel like an idiot. I hoped that Kris would be different, but what was I thinking? He's an angel, those creatures are heartless killers when it comes to demons like me. Their hatred for us is blind, almost innate. I just got another proof.

Nace and Jure were right. Angels and demons are not meant to be together. Then why did I, a demon, fall in love with an angel? If we are supposed to be mortal enemies, then why was I destined to lose my reason for a celestial creature that would slaughter me just because I am what I am? Just why? Will I ever get an answer?

I’ve been locked in my room in a building in Hell for…who knows how much time. I don’t want to see anyone, neither Nace nor Jure. I keep crying, stopping the tears coming out of my eyes is difficult, or dare I say even impossible. My heart is shattered.

Why are demons born with such intense feelings? Why can’t we control them like angels do? Or are we cursed to be dominated by our emotions exactly because angels don’t have them?They teach us that the universe needs balance, so if angels can’t feel, someone else must feel double the time.

I wrap my body with my arms, trying to look smaller. My tail is out, wrapped around my leg. It’s a pathetic endeavour to not feel so alone and abandoned.

I wince when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes and see Nace sitting by my side. He’s visibly worried.

“Bojči, what happened?”

I sob. “Y-you were right about him. He-he’s a heartless angel, just like anyone else of them,” I stutter, my voice is trembling.

Nace lays on my bed, facing me, then pulls me over to hug me. I plant my face against his chest. I feel his hand running up and down my back.

“Not every angel is heartless.”

“He is, Nace!” I shout, utter despair in my voice. “He is! I showed him my love and he accused me of trying to corrupt him! I-I gave him my whole heart and he laughed at me, he stabbed it with his ice dagger and killed me-” I stop. I can still hear his words in my mind. “H-He called me a filthy demon, Nace. After all I did for him and showed him, I-I’m still a filthy demon to him.”

My friend says nothing, he just stays there and cuddles me, attempting to make me feel a little bit better.

And since that day I kind of started feeling better. Well, it’s more of a euphemism. Let’s say that I was barely surviving. I came back to my chores as a demon, but now I don’t smile anymore, or very little. I’m quiet. I prefer to stay alone than in the middle of a crowd. With me I have a small notebook in which I write my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and also lyrics. I can’t be a singer in the human world, but no one can stop me from writing what I feel, what I experience.

This is how I wrote a song about my angel and how I fell in love with him. It has a stupid name too. I can write good songs, but I’m not able to name them. I will find a better one, one day. Hopefully.

“What are you writing in that notebook?” Asks Jure while sitting next to me.

We are in the human world, more precisely in a park. We needed some fresh air and some sunlight.

“It’s nothing…” I answer.

Jure leans forward to read. “Is this about him?”

I nod. There’s no one else in my mind. I don’t like his presence, he’s haunting me, my mind is working against me.

“It’s really intense,” Jure whispers. “Do you really love him?”

I nod again. “I know I’m a stupid demon. I should move on, forget him, but I can’t. He doesn’t love me back, he said it,” I sigh. “I’m just hoping to forget him as soon as possible. Maybe writing this stuff will help me process this stupid feeling.”

“Love isn’t stupid!”

“My love is absolutely stupid. An angel, Jurček! I’m a freaking demon and I fell in love with an angel.”

“You are not the first one.”

“Yeah, and how many of them survived? Are they here to tell their love story? No, Jurček, because angels killed them. I’m lucky I’m still alive.”

Jure pushes me with his shoulder. “Don’t lose hope, Bojči. There’s always time to change.”

I look at him. I don’t believe his words. Months have passed since my last moment with my angel, his shiny eyes are still impressed in my mind. He was about to kill me that night.

No, he won’t change. Kris is an angel, full stop. He’s born to despise demons like me. I just need to accept that, but it will take time.

Is this despair that is guiding my actions? Possibly. Will I regret my decisions? Almost certainly. But if I can’t be with my angel, then I’d rather be dead, maybe slaughtered by him directly. That would be pretty ironic, wouldn’t it? A demon executed by the angel he’s fallen in love with. There’s poetry behind all of this. Maybe demons will use me as an example to the younglings to warn them to not fall in love with angels if they want to live.

I tried to forget him, move on, but every time I close my eyes, I see him. He's haunting me. And with him also the lyrics of the song I wrote for him.

I’m in the middle of an abandoned industrial area. I prepared an amplifier with a microphone and a computer. I recorded some music for my song and I will perform it for the first (and last) time here, hoping that my angel is listening to me and will come to…I don’t know, to do anything. I’m ready for whatever he will decide to do to me. Included death.

I test the volume and the music. Everything sounds good, so I play the music and I start singing, looking directly at the sky.

“ Stolicu primakni, ruku mi dotakni, noćas ti si moja muza, ja u ritmu tvoga bluza ću da plešem bez prestanka .”

Nothing. The sky is blue, there’s not a single cloud, not a single sign of feathered wings. I continue singing.

“ Soba nam je mala. Ja ko pijana budala, a ni čaše nisam popio. Ja mislim da sam se zaljubio u tebe. Baš ja, koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud. Za tebe, kao u pesmama i filmovima ljubavnim, staviću zvuk .”

Still nothing. But I won’t lose hope, I will keep singing for him. He will show up, eventually. I just need a sign, Kris, please, I’m begging you.

“ Samo se okreni, baci pogled prema meni. Preći će tišina sama kilometre među nama dok jednom srce otkuca .”

Now it’s again time for the refrain. Some tears started running down my face, but I continue singing, I must, even if he won’t appear. I need to take these feelings out of my heart or it will explode. Maybe it will be my heart to kill me and not my angel.

I see something in the sky, then the clear sound of wings hits me. I lower my eyes and I find Kris right in front of me. I see his three pairs of wings. A seraph, I should have guessed. Of course, I fell in love with one of the most powerful angels in the sky. When I do something, it’s always something big or I’m not happy with the result.

I kneel in front of him. Now I’ll sing the last part of my song.

“ Ne palite još svetla, još samo jedan tren da se nagledam lepote te. Ne palite još svetla. Ne prizivajte dan. Spasite me, smislite neki plan. Ako svane sunce, ostaću sam .”

The music stops. I’m looking at my angel, finally here for me. I’m breathing deeply, my heart is racing in my chest. My hand that’s holding the microphone is shaking. I’m afraid of what might happen, but at the same time I’m relieved.

“You came,” I whisper.

“You called.”

Silence falls again between us. Kris slowly approaches, his facial expression is cold, hiding every emotion. I have pure angelic power in front of me, a deadly machine trained to kill my kind, and I’m looking at him in adoration.

“You know I should kill you right now because you are on Earth and not in Hell, right?”

“Then do it. I won’t fight, I won’t run away. If I can’t be with you, I’d rather be dead.”

Kris averts his eyes and presses his lips together, then talks.

“You are an idiot, Bojan.”

“Yeah, I know, ljubavi . Love made me lose my mind in a way I didn’t think possible.”

“You said that in the song.”

I chuckle. “Maybe it’s just one of the many flaws that make us demons so imperfect in front of you angels. I was so unlucky to fall in love with you, but I don’t consider myself unlucky. I had the best moments of my life with you, I don’t want to change this for anything else in this world, not even a place in Heaven, if this means that I will lose my ability to love so strongly.”

I let the microphone fall on the ground and grab Kris’ sword, he has it in his hand, then I lay his sharp point right on my heart.

“You are here for this, no? Killing another impure soul that doesn’t follow the rules.”

Kris looks at me, finally. I smile, those eyes are so cold and so beautiful at the same time.

“Don’t make me do this, Bojan.”

“It’s ok, ljubavi . It’s ok. It’s…it’s your nature, you have been trained to do this your whole life.”

My voice trembles with emotions. Tears keep running down my face. No, I realise I’m not ready to die. I want to live, to be with him, but I know I can’t. It’s not allowed.

I feel the point of his sword pressed against my chest. In a few seconds it will reach my heart, and it will stop beating. I close my eyes.

But nothing happens. I’m still here, alive, breathing. I hear a metal sound against the ground, then two hands cup my face and I feel warm and soft lips pressed on mine.I open wide my eyes. Kris is kneeling on the ground in front of me and he’s kissing me.

I close my eyes again. I kiss him back, desperate to feel him, to make him feel my love through that act. I gently grab his wrists.

When we interrupt the kiss, I touch Kris’ forehead with mine. I keep my eyes closed, trying to process what just happened.

“Please, let it be real,” I whisper, without even realising it. “Please, please, let it be real.”

Kris chuckles. “It’s real, Bojan.”

I open my eyes and part a bit from him, just to look him in the eyes. “Real-real kind of way or…real-I’m-in-some-sort-of-Heaven-for-demons-because-I’m-dead kind of way?” I ask.

My angel gently strokes my cheeks, then leans forward to kiss me again.

“This kind of way, my little demon,” he whispers against my lips. I shiver thanks to that lovely nickname. I hate being called little because it reminds me of my lack of height, but I’d let Kris call me whatever he wants, just to hear his voice again and again.

“I’m your little demon, then?”

Kris nods while looking me in the eyes. He caresses my lower lip with his thumb. His touch is so gentle, shivers run down my spine again.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Your song. I had feelings for you, they developed pretty early, but I…wasn’t acknowledging their existence because I never had the chance to fall in love with someone.”

I jump on Kris to hug him, sending us both falling to the ground, so I end up on top of him. I burst out laughing.

“Well, now you have someone right here.”

My tail appears behind me and shakes in the air, showing my happiness. I kiss him on the cheek, then giggle when I see him blushing. A couple of tears run down my face, but this time they are out of pure and simple joy.

* * *

I've been a demon my whole life. I grew up fearing angels, but nothing could have prepared me for what fate had planned for me. I fell in love with Kris, an angel, a seraph. Our relationship began with the worst scenario possible, with him trying to kill me. And yeah, I might be dumb, because I fell in love with him in that moment, but now we are happy together. And I wouldn’t change a thing about us.

Heaven and Hell finally united thanks to the love between an angel and a demon.

#bojan's pov #bokris #bojan cvjetićanin #kris guštin #annies writes #my writing #joker out #joker out fanfic #baš ja koji nisam verovao da za nekim biću lud #love's the death of peace of mind

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