#Jamil bribes Grim with food

[mellosdrawings]

Grim being Jamils savior and pain in the ass is so funny to me, one minute he’s showing Jamil a bug he found and the next he’s eating it. Jamil doesn’t know if he should scream or thank grim.

He might scream a bunch at first but-

-at least Grim CAN catch bugs in tricky places where Kalim can't reach. Grim just gotta agree to it first.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

My dumbest TWST headcanons

Yuu: everyone has forgotten their name and preferred pronouns. No one is willing to ask after so long, hence everyone calling them 'prefect' all the time

Grim: he is the reason why no dorm has tried to get Yuu to transfer in. They simply do not want him and unfortunately they are a package deal

Riddle: cannot handle spice. He ate a bell pepper once and started sobbing incoherently. Bell peppers are notoriously non-spicy

Trey: has mom hands in that he can handle hot plates without even flinching because he has permanently ruined the nerve endings in his hands from all of the times he's handled hot baking trays without mitts

Cater: has only like 7 Magicam followers because, as fun as his tags are, they aren't great for the algorithm

Deuce: has been told "that's unfortunate" multiple times after introducing himself. Does not understand why. No one tell him.

Ace: the type to never wait for his food to finish cooling. He burns his tongue at least once a day. He will never learn. Nor will he ever actually taste anything he puts in his mouth. Uses this for bets ("bet you that I can eat *insert the most disgusting concoction ever*" "don't...")

Leona: the entire school has a group chat devoted to the most insane places they've found Leona sleeping. Nothing has managed to top the time someone spotted him curled up in a cauldron that the first years were about to use for Alchemy. (Ruggie has tried to bribe his way into this group chat multiple times but everyone is too scared of Leona to give it to him)

Ruggie: the type to dump trauma on you without realizing it's messed up. Jack asked him once "Where'd you get that" and pointed to a scar and Ruggie was like "oh yeah that's from the time a guy stabbed me" and Jack has never asked him anything since

Jack: complains constantly about how big his tail is because it keeps wagging and giving away his tsundere-ness. Wants a little tail he can stuff into his pant legs to hide it

Azul: his glasses are fake. He thinks they make him look intimidating

Jade: will make fun of people for yawning in front of him. ("Scandalous" "????") He refuses to explain

Floyd: bites people he likes. Moray eel bites can cause paralysis and even beyond that his teeth are wicked sharp. This has caused several misunderstandings in his life

Kalim: everyone know's he's coming because all of his jewelry clink against each other. Like a cat with a bell on its collar. There is a betting ring about whether Jamil planned for this or if it's just how Kalim is that has spread schoolwide

Jamil: has absolutely responded to Kalim saying "Treat spiders the way you want to be treated" with "Killed without hesitation". Unironically

Vil: has accidentally cursed his own food several times. Never anything serious, but you would think it was with the expression of utter horror on his face every time

Rook: is the one in class to deal with bugs. He will pull a hairband out of his pocket (saved for this very occasion, or in the horrible case that Vil's hair tie might snap) and snipe the bug out of midair

Epel: constantly tries to get away with breaking rules right under Vil's nose. Out of spite. He has yet to succeed, but insists he WILL. One day. He will not

Idia: has lamented sending his tablet to class several times because he can't play some of his favorite games when it's away. Does not seem to realize that he would not be able to play those games while in class anyways

Ortho: has programmed idle animations

Malleus: his horns constantly hit the top of doorways. The entire room will go very quiet when this happens because they're scared if they breathe they will laugh and they Can Not Laugh At Malleus Draconia

Lilia: upon finding out his true age, the first question he is always asked is how his cooking is seriously "like that"

Silver: will wake up, find a miscellaneous animal sleeping on him, and go back to sleep because he would rather die than wake up the poor thing

Sebek: banned from the school library. There is no librarian so it literally doesn't change anything there's no one to enforce it but he still won't go in on principle

Crowley: has submitted a tax form with simply the word "No" on it. Is not sure why it didn't work

Crewel: messed up a potion once in front of a class. Swore everyone to secrecy about it. It is the only secret that has not spread through the school

Trein: has been called by his cat's name more than once

Vargas: students are often late to things because "Coach Vargas is hunting students for sport again :( ughhhh"

Sam: will trip students he doesn't like over 'loose floorboards'

[hisui-dreamer]

we're here together

Character: Riddle Rosehearts, Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Cater Diamond, Trey Clover, Leona Kingscholar, Jack Howl, Ruggie Bucchi, Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, Floyd Leech, Kalim Al-Asim, Jamil Viper, Vil Schoenheit, Epel Felmier, Rook Hunt, Silver, Sebek Zigvolt, Lilia Vanrouge, Malleus Draconia

Notes: pick one of your favs from above when reading!

some in-school dating headcanons with them hehe

Masterlist

he loves walking you to school or class any chance he gets, he's willing to wake up extra early if that means he gets to see you sooner (though he might be discreet about that fact since he's a bit embarrassed himself)

you visit each others dorm rooms every chance you get, it doesn't really matter what it is you do or if one of you is busy, just sitting side by side, basking in each others' presence is enough for the two of you

when it gets closer to curfew and it's time for one of you to get going, there's always a good chunk of time spent with him sulking over being apart from you. sometimes he keeps it hidden, but you can tell in the way his touch lingers and how clingy he becomes

if they're feeling particularly emotional that day they may just straight up ask for a sleepover

if you say yes, then he'll be showing you such a content and relaxed face that all your worries dissipate, and you're returning the smile before you even know it

if you say no (most likely due to a tuna-loving gremlin), he won't be able hide his disappointment from you, so let him get a good, long hug before you have to go, okay?

always tries to save a seat for you in the cafeteria, he loves watching your expressions when you eat, and he'll keep in mind what particular foods you seem to enjoy more, and he's already decided to give you his share, though might tease you a bit before he actually gives it to you

likes chastising you if you're being picky, employing all sorts of tactics to convince you to eat the food, whether it be feeding you, giving you a lecture on nutrition, or even blackmailing you from his hugs

don't blame him for nagging you too much, he just enjoys taking care of you and making sure you're always as healthy as can be

grim absolutely gets an extra caretaker! always so ready to bribe the menace with tuna cans so he'll cooperate (and maybe give him a bit more alone time with you)

the ghosts treat him as an honorary student of ramshackle at this point, welcoming him every time he comes over, but not without the teasings of "ahh... young love~" every once in a while

he barely manages to hold back flushing like a tomato (deep down he's elated that's how others see the two of you), but one looks at your flushed face and his blush can't be suppressed

it doesn't matter if he's in a bad mood and no one dares get on his nerves, he steals a glance of you from across the room, and you meet his eyes, waving cheerfully at him, and just like that a soft smile makes its way to his face, and he comes over to rest his weight on you

you might still be young and you don't know what your plans are for the future and how different you'll both be then, but you know him, and maybe that's all you need for now

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[thedivineflowers]

Wassup my little scrunkly poo's 😘😘😋

I think I missed someone but idk if I did please tell me but this is the mc addressing the NRC students by familial terms!

Let's go bitch 😤

Father figure students first😋

Middle schooler!Mc: Hey papa-

Riddle (hear me out-): he's so gentle with you and all the heartslaybul residents were kind of expecting it at some point and Riddle just short circuited while he's blushing and he's about to cry. He will come check up on you at least two times a week and will offer you to live in heartslaybul with him so you can always have help wether it be with homework or with studying, he will be there for you to help you through anything.

Trey: he seemed so nonchalant about it and even responded with "what's up?" But when your not around he's chuckling and shit and you've got a happy baker always giving you treats when he can and won't give you your treats until he knows you brushed your teeth that morning. Will let you have sleepovers in his room and will always cover for you if you happened to skip class or something and if you help him with baking he'll let you take some home with you for you to share with Grim.

Leona: this bitch didn't even notice you called him papa until like ten minutes later and he won't address you about it but don't be surprised when you get an offer from him to live at Savannaclaw and if you don't agree to live there he WILL bribe you until you move in. When you move in Leona will be able to watch over you easier and you won't have to complain to him about food and living expenses (EVEN THOUGH YOUR A FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL KID) and you get to sleep in his bed without him pushing you off.

Jack: his tail is wagging more than before and he's trying to stop it the best he can. You've got scary wolf privileges now, use it. He's now coming to spend more and more time around Ramshackle to make sure you're okay and well. He is also bringing you more snacks and water during different periods of the day so you stay energized. Will take you on his morning runs and won't mind you sleeping on his back while he runs and will be ecstatic if you join him.

Jade: he is smiling even more and he just chuckles it off. You now have a scary eel following you around everywhere and if you happen to have an interest in fungi he will be over the moon and will help you grow your own. You will join the mountain lover club. You two will go on hikes everywhere and will taste test random mushrooms because you two felt silly and wanted to see if it was poisonous. The school is afraid of the two of you and your will to eat anything. He and you have contests of who can identify the most mushrooms and he always wins. He'll let you have sleepovers in his room with him and Floyd but for the most part recommends you to sleep in their extra room and will let you leave your stuff in there over time and next thing you'll know the room is yours. (It's strange how it's right next to their room and you three have a door that can connect the two rooms so you can just hop in when you'd like-)

Jamil: he fucking sighs. You're basically another Kalim and he can hardly deal with Kalim himself. Still though he'll offer for you to move into his dorm because 'you get to spend more time with Kalim and wont have to worry about living expenses' he is right about the living part but he just wants to keep an eye on you and make sure you eat enough food and get enough sleep. If you look even the slightest bit hungry he is stopping what you're doing and will make you something to eat and you have to eat at least three bites before you go back to what you're doing.

Vil: he pauses what he's doing and will turn around slowly. He immediately stops you from apologizing. Next thing you know you have makeup on and new uniform with the Pomefiore vest and following Vil around like Rook and Epel. When you come back from school Vil already has a room set up with your things and some gifts and essentials that take up more then five boxes. You have a whole new wardrobe with SILK and a nice comfy bed and bathroom. Epel is praying for you because Vil will be on your ass about taking care of yourself and will make you sit down and put on your routinely make up of you forgot or messed up a part. You're not a little sweet potato now. You're the prettiest child in all the land >:D (he calls middle schooler!mc sweet potato, not potato)

Rook: he is laughing and giggling and hugging you. You now have a bodyguard that will spoil you to endless amounts you have to beg him to stop buying you things. He insists that you move into Pomefiore so you two can spend more time together and will say that we won't stop spending on you until you move in. He will stalk you more and more to watch your health and make sure you eat enough. If he sees that you are the slightest sad he will drown you in complements and praise while pampering you.

Lilia: he stops making his ravioli and turns around slowly. Wide eyed. He will slowly float towards you as you apologize. He will hug you gently at first then he will crush you as he is spinning in the air with you and squealing. He must tell the other three, he can't hold the news in. Go and put on your uniform. It's already in your room with all your other things next to his room and make sure to put on the makeup he gifted you. Get ready for dinner he is making his ravioli and cake as a celebration of you joining the family! He already has the adoption papers signed and is ready to change your last name to Vanrouge. You have a bat dad that is willing to stay up with you at three AM watching paranormal activity videos and playing horror games while you two chug energy drinks. He already moved your stuff into Diasomnia when you were sleeping with the help of Malleus who is buzzing in happiness. If Lilia sees that you feel down that day he is stopping everything he's doing and will pamper you while you just soak it in like a sponge. He is willing to do the weirdest shit with you because when he caught you trying to quietly make a battery acid drink he just gave you a shitload of sour stuff that he has stashed and made one of his own too.

Mc: yeah this is my brother-

Ace: he just smirks and ruffles your hair while agreeing. He will tease you so much but being serious his eyes might get a little watery. You MIGHT get some of his allowance. Maybe. But like y'all two are having so many sleepovers at Ramshackle and eating so much food at the ass crack of dawn

Deuce: he will give a very small smile and nod along but you will notice a change when he volunteers to get things for you and he will come to Ramshackle more and will drag Ace with him because two big brothers is better than one. If you need someone to jump someone else he is your guy because he will go ham if someone says the wrong thing to you.

Cater: You're fucking done. He's already got a room where you can sleep and is so taking pictures of and with you every where. He is willing to just laze around or go partying with you because he's fun like that and will def make an account with just you and will make sure that you'll eat your fair share of vitamin gummies for kids that he has (I hc he has vitamin gummies for middle schooler!mc and he will have EVERYTHING)

Ruggie: his tail is wagging like crazy and he will definitely include you in his to do list as he will buy whatever you want because he's got a shitload of money from Leona and if you buy him donuts he WILL wrestle you to the ground and will ask for anything you need help with cause man's desperate to pay you back and seem like a good brother to you. He will ask for you to move into Savannaclaw as Leona already agreed because Ruggie wouldn't stop bothering him about it. So now you've got a brother who will come and do anything for you as long as you keep on referring to him as your big brother.

Azul: his face turns blue (octopi have blue blood right?) as he looks at you like you committed mass murder. His eyes will then get watery as he is just silent. When you apologize a tentacle will pull you to him out of nowhere as he just coddles you. He will ask for you to work at Mostro Lounge but guess what? Your pay is higher but don't SNITCH to anyone or he's gonna be the scariest mf you've ever seen. He's got a room all for you and you get a goddamn water bed like what - and you can get free meals from there if you're grades are good.

Floyd: BIGGEST HUG HES EVERE GIVEN THAT IS NOT INTENDED TO MURDER SOMEONE. He's doing his little laugh and he's just jollying around like a happy camper. He's already got Jade that views you the same way. He's already got a room set up for you after he threatened some people and if you don't wanna sleep in it then you can sleep in his and jades! He's willing to let you sleep on his bed while he sleeps on the floor or you two can do like some weird ass ninja poses that feel oddly comfortable while sleeping. But he will do anything you want. You wanna go set a car on fire because you were hungry? He's already dragging you there and it seems to everyone that you two have the same thought process and which you two do but is the tiniest bit different

Kalim: he's squeezing you and jumping up and down and omfg- you have a whole ROOM AS BIG AS A HOUSE all for you. He wont hesitate to throw a party just for you. You got a passing grade in a test? Hooray the party is on Friday! 😘 But tbh you could just fucking smile and hes all over you gifting you shit and he prolly will take you to see his family because you will fit right in and if you happen to enjoy HIM pampering you then you will surely enjoy the way his family pampers you and they will see you as another child of the al asim family that deserves the extra bit of love.

Epel: shit, how tf is he gon' tell his momma this? But being honest he is letting his country accent go HAM while he's with you because he knows you won't snitch 😊 . He has a big ass bed he is willing to share it with you. Y'all do all kinds of shit like watching those weird ass documentaries or listening to the songs about tractors that he likes so much. If you happen to be sneaky he will def have you sneak into Pomefiore because Vil actually likes you and will not mind that much. But if epel has to suffer, you have to suffer if epel has to cake on his skin care stuff he's doing the same to you. He will cheer you on if you happen to get into a fight the minute he hears about it he is fucking sprinting across the school to either cheer you on or join you.

Idia: He is frozen. Shooketh. Flabbergasted. You? The talk of the school, view HIM as your big brother? Now it feels like those animes where the younger sibling is so much more popular than the older and the older is said to be an outcast and lonely and- he is short circuiting but he won't treat you differently than he does Ortho. Considering that you have a mind that can be put in the nearest mental hospital he will just vibe with you until you go drag him out and force him to grab a cluster of daddy long legs. He has a room made personally for you. Yeah. It even has all the cool computer stuff so you can feel smart whole thing and looking on different screens 😈🥸. He has it in your favorite color and has all your favorite things inside. He will send Ortho to go fetch you when he has something cool to show you and you and Ortho are attached at the hip 😎.

Ortho: bro makes sounds like mobby form imagine learning and he is lifting you in the air and you can feel the gears in his body shifting because of his excitement. He is already having a room ready for you with the help of his brother and is your personal emotional support buddy and best friend. He will literally find papers for you to sign to be his younger sibling. Don't ask how or why just sign. He's already got a room ready for you. He also has his own pod in there where he sleeps so if you're ever scared or lonely he can sleep in his pod in your room or he can just warm himself up and hug you while you fall asleep. You're cold? Dw big brothers got you he's already heating his body up and when he hugs you he feels so warm. You need a energy drink? He already has one stored. with his scientific fact robot brain he can and will back you up when someone tries messing with you because Ortho don't deal with someone disrespecting his younger sibling 🚨 and will become sassy. You two are never seen without each other and if you are, fucking run because you will literally go crazy if you can't find Ortho and he will do the same if he can't find you.

Malleus: He is a warm and happy dragon. He is just buzzing with happiness now. Either he is following you around or you are following him around. But either way if you guys are not seen without one another y'all are gonna be in the bitchiest mood ever. He will make it his personal duty to make sure that your pampered and treated like the royalty you are because he already has the papers for you to sign for you to be his sibling. If there are no rooms available for you in his dorm he will share his room with you and honestly he doesn't care what you say he already has your stuff packed and a bed is already ready for you to sleep on. Your cold? Dw he will use his magic to warm ya up. Someone bad mouthed you? The student is already begging on his knees for forgiveness the next day. You dont understand history class? He can help you because he was there during that time 🥸. It's kinda funny because you have a tall ass dragon prince brother that seems so calm and then the brother has a smaller younger sibling that goes batshit crazy over anything and y'all two even each other out definitely.

Silver: he won't register it prolly because he was dozing off but in his dream some how some way the memory will come back to him. He will be staring at you more gently than how he did before and he will convince his father to adopt you. He will share his room with you and is alright with it. Like I bet he prolly has a closet full of plushies that he or you could sleep in when it gets cold and the other one is hogging the bed. He will teach you how to use the sword and some special tricks he uses 😈. But I hc that middle schooler mc and Silver will be so alike. Like mc is sleeping through all the alarms just like silver and someone has to wake them up by hitting them with a pillow HARD. And still even after that they both will be so sleepy. And both of y'all would looove after school naps because waking up with a mouth dryer than the sunset savannah, sweating at your back, one sock missing and the other one halfway off your foot, and not knowing the time is how you two wake up from naps after school and maybe even in the morning when y'all forget to wake up :>.

Sebek: he is yelling about how inappropriate it is to address him like that but internally he is screeching and crying. He will lower his voice when he is around you and is more gentle when he is scolding you. He WILL teach you how to wield a sword and will spar with you every night to see how well you've improved. He will share his room with you if you want to move in with him and he will suggest it to help you with sword training, def not because he's worried about your living conditions 💀. He will brag about you and how your so smart and he won't brag about you as much as he does Malleus but he will brag about you because he's proud of you and your achievements must be acknowledged!

[a-twistedheartslonging]

Jamil and i would make such a bad duo the moment we see a black thing on the floor that may or may not be a spider bum there's no house, there's no dorm

That's so funny, I don't like bugs, but I'm so used to being around them all the time because of where I lived. I've dealt with ants, spiders, earwigs, roaches, stink bugs, and a bunch of others.

I would charge a kiss tax for getting rid of bugs for him.

Maybe you and him can use Grim for getting rid of bugs, my cat was great at catching them and Grim is easily bribed with food. Jamil is an amazing cook.

[yuurei20]

Ortho Info Compilation part 5: Azul, Kalim and Leona

In his birthday interview Azul says that, if he could have any student from Night Raven College as a sibling, he would choose Ortho as his little brother.

He claims that he envies Idia “for having the adulation of such a sweet sibling,” but soon reveals that he is extremely impressed by Ortho’s prowess at gathering information and doing calculations.

"If he were my brother, I’d have such an easy time compiling my monthly budgets and proceeds. Plus, when I finally expand my business beyond food-service establishments…Ortho would make for a powerful weapon, given how he can gather accurate intel with unmatched speed.”

On JP Azul explains that it was Ortho who introduced him to a boardgame that simulated making trade deals, which ultimately resulted in Azul joining the boardgame club.

On EN this line was rewritten to make it sound like both Shroud brothers were involved in convincing Azul to join.

In a vignette Azul claims to be helping Idia with maintenance on Ortho because he was impressed by their “beautiful brotherly love.”

Azul half blackmails, half bribes Grim into helping with the dangerous task of exchanging an important part of Ortho’s insides that boost his processing speed by 10%.

At the end of the vignette it is revealed that Azul was only participating in exchange for the expensive part that was removed from Ortho, "handcrafted by the renowned genius Idia himself," that he intends to sell after its value appreciates even further.

We learn in a voice line from Kalim that his magic carpet receives cleaning from Ortho.

Ortho seems fond of Kalim, saying that he is a really nice guy in a vignette.

Perhaps not realizing that Ortho cannot eat, Kalim invites him to share a meal that was made for him by Jamil.

While Leona repeatedly states in-game that he does not like interacting with children he seems to be unusually patient (or at least not outwardly hostile) with Ortho: even when Ortho unintentionally mocks him for his “feline nature,” which leads to Leona being teased by the other students, Leona merely excuses himself from the situation by claiming that he is “beholden to (his) feline nature” and simply must take a nap.

[rggie]

twst boys on a school trip

characters: all.

summary: crowley (after being bribed) prepares a little reward for all his students’ hard work. a trip to an amusement park!

cw: gn!reader, crack and fluff, sfw, carsickness. ortho = strictly platonic! wc: 900+

𓏸 arrives an hour early

sunglasses? check. sunscreen? check. emergency first-aid kit? umbrella? a spare change of clothes? extra money? check, check, check. he even bought an extra backpack in case the huge camping one he already bought wasn’t enough. he was not taking any chances, scratching the nape of his neck and tapping his foot impatiently as his stomach rumbled.

admist all that preparation, he forgot to have breakfast.

RIDDLE, AZUL, jack, sebek (was overexcited)

𓏸 takes mugshots on transport

drool is running down the corner of your chin and your head is rested on his shoulder, lolling to the side a little when the vehicle travels over a bump or indent in the road. he thinks you look absolutely hilarious, snickering under his breath as he pulls out his phone. his best friend gives him a warning look but he’s rolling his eyes. you have so many pictures of him looking atrocious, but he has none of you. of course he’ll delete it later if you tell him to, & you can always get him back for it on the way home. he snaps a selfie of you both: him in the foreground, grinning, you in the background, barely visible due to his broad shoulders, his friends frowning around you. adds heart emojis and sends it to you before making it his lockscreen.

keeps looking back at it afterwards and smiles. nobody else understands what’s so endearing about that photo for him to be looking at it so lovingly. he’s holding his phone with a dreamy look on his face… cringe.

ACE, CATER, lilia, floyd (will NOT delete the photo), rook (he genuinely thinks you’re beautiful like this. what is wrong with him.)

𓏸 the reason the trip takes twice as long

blame the rough road, not him. his stomach is doing flips as he lurches forward, hand flying to his mouth. get him out of this wretched thing! you’re calling for a teacher when he spills his guts all over you. horror paints his whole face as he realises what he’s just done. you meet his eyes with a grimace. your bottom half is ruined. he will never live this one down.

does anyone have a spare change of clothes?

AZUL, IDIA, JAMIL

𓏸 heads straight for the food

yeah, rides were cool. but amusement park snacks? it’s time for him to eat his fill. such a vast plethora of different things… the smell… his mouth is already watering…

oh, are you hungry? you want to share some of his...? bad news. seems like he ate all of it already.

GRIM, RUGGIE, (he thought it was free. you had to pay for him in the end)

𓏸 passes out on the rides

he’s holding onto you tightly as the rollercoaster climbs higher and higher up it’s path. why did he go on this again? for fun?

oh righttt, he’s trying to prove how capable he is to you. you can lean onto his shoulder if you’re scared, okay? you’re at the peak of the rollercoaster now, carriage slightly tilting as you exchange apprehensive glances. huh… this is kind of romantic? he opens his mouth to say something. what if he confessed—the rollercoaster whooshes down faster than he expected it to. you’re screaming at the top of your lungs when you feel a sudden weight on your shoulder. you turn to see him PASSED OUT?? you’re frantically shaking him but receive no response. he’s a goner.

the ride’s camera snaps a comical photo of him. you’re buying it instantly. he pushes it into your hands telling you to keep the events of this ride a secret. this was for your eyes only, okay? you just wave him off absentmindedly with a smile before checking up on his condition. for a second you were scared for him!

he internally fistpumps. he might not have gotten to confess, and he may have looked like an idiot, but at least he got you to dote on him. so who’s the real winner here? (…it’s not him...)

EPEL, DEUCE, RUGGIE, KALIM, TREY, SILVER

𓏸 survives all the rides like a champ

what? you thought a place like this would take him down? please. give him more credit. this is child’s play. literally.

but feel free to reward him for being brave.

VIL, LEONA, LILIA, ROOK, FLOYD, JADE, JACK (not cocky, just proud. jack is built different)

𓏸 still stuck on claw machines.

he doesn’t care if these are rigged. he. WILL. get. that. plushie. he noticed earlier you were looking at it, but before he could ask you about it you were getting dragged away by another student. this is his chance. he’ll win this prize and give it to you!

except his thaumarks are being run dry. each time the claw machine picks the plushie up, it just falls again! or if he manages to grapple the toy, it slips out before he can even get it to the drop zone. he’s been at it for at least half an hour and there’s a cue of children behind him asking when it’s their turn. parents are cursing at him for hogging the machine and his patience is running thin. just one more try, and he’ll give it up. just one more, okay?

IDIA, ORTHO, RIDDLE (he doesn’t know it’s rigged.)

𓏸 was left behind

he’s clutching the amusement park flyer with a grim look on his face, lips pulled into a perpetual pout. where is everyone? he leans against the school entrance; it feels as though crickets would start chirping at any second. looking through the gate, there seems to be no sign of any other people around, or a school bus—or anything at all. the area is desolate, lacking the life or incessant chatter a school should have.

as he checks the time on his non-existent wristwatch for the umpteenth time, his eyes widen and then narrow again. he realises that he’s been left behind.

MALLEUS (teleports there enraged)

<-

[mushibashiraas]

feeling sick and depressed rn. so i'm feeding myself fluffy jamil hcs and drabbles.

gonna be very specific here; gn! s/o (who will be referred to as "Yuu"), chronic migraines/pain, nausea, depression

lots of grammatical and spelling errors; just gonna word vomit this. if it doesn't look pretty or whatever, oh well.

EDIT (May 14th, 2022): i added 5 new headcanons at the bottom owo

- as a retainer for the inheritor of the asim legacy, jamil would naturally know the ins-and-outs of his s/o's migraines: what their triggers are, what the best potions are to administer, etc.

- when his s/o texts him to cancel their study date, they barely get in two words before a scarabian student lets them into ramshackle dorm arms laden with potions, soup, salt pills, caffeinated tea AND coffee....... s/o doesn't even know what to do with everything!

- grim takes s/o's confusion the wrong way and gets all huffy saying how "my henchman doesn't need all this weird human medicine and food. The Great Grim can take care of them just fine on his own!" before he rudely shoves the also riled up scarabian student out the door.

- between errands, chores, and babysitting— taking care of kalim, jamil will definitely check up on s/o via text message every other hour. if they're feeling well enough, he'll do a video call with them.

- again, as a retainer, cook, butler, assistant, and personal bodyguard of kalim's, jamil unfortunately is much too busy to be there in person to care for s/o. but sometimes kalim will convince, bribe, and maybe even blackmail jamil into taking time off from his vice housewarden duties to go visit his s/o.

"Jamil, you bought extra coffee. Is that for Yuu?" "Hm? Oh! Nah, Cater. Jamil gave me the afternoon off. He's busy with Professor Crewel making another potion for Yuu." "Jamil! You keep checking your phone. Why don't you go check on them in person? I'm going to throw you the most extravagant parade to date on your birthday if you don't put down that laundry and go. See. Them." *proceeds to forcibly shove jamil out the mirror while snatching his dirty laundry from him*

- if s/o gets a migraine while hanging out or studying in scarabia, he immediately takes them away from the noisy lounge to his room where he dims the lights to a soft, warm glow.

- if they can tolerate a little bit of noise, he'll put on a playlist of soothing melodies that may or may not put them to sleep....

- with chronic migraines, one's head will hurt so bad that even their hair hurts. everything aches and it's hard to stomach certain foods due to the waves of nausea that come and go.

- depending on how bad their pain tolerance is, he'll give them a head, back, or neck massage while he finishes his homework.

- he'll try his best to keep kalim out of his room or assign a student to keep an eye on kalim for him.

- if their migraine is in the middle of the night — thus messing up s/o's sleep schedule, he'll talk in gentle tones with them reading to them some of the material they missed in trein's history class to keep them awake.

- though if it's really, really bad, he'll insist they try sleeping off the migraine "after you eat and take this potion with a glass of water."

- he'll only do this in the privacy of his own room as he is so not fond of PDA. but he is totally down to cuddle with his s/o and give them plenty of kisses. and if those cuddles and kisses lead to the two of them asleep, limbs tangled together, no one needs to know~ (kalim, ace, deuce, cater, and/or grim better delete those photos before they wake up though. otherwise they'll have to deal with a very embarrassed, angry snake boy. hahahah!)

- as one of the smartest, most clever students on campus at nrc, he's definitely sitting next to his s/o helping them make up any homework they missed while they were absent with a migraine.

- as someone who can also get pretty snippy and savage (there's a reason he's at nrc and not rsa, after all), s/o's mood swings and irritability while they're suffering from a migraine isn't anything new to him. in fact, he'd be an expert on handling them when they're irritated. he'd come back equally with a sharp retort while telling them to go rest or eat at the same time!

- the few times jamil must keep an eye on kalim while comforting yuu, the two scalding sands students resort to communicating via hastily written notes.

- they all sit around kalim's small table in front of his futon.

- jamil sits on the left along the longer side of the table while kalim sits with his back to the open-ended "wall" by his bed. he likes that spot bc he can easily flop over the entire table covering it and whatever else is on it with his body much to the chagrin of jamil

- yuu lays down with their head on jamil's lap either napping or quietly listening to the two boys scratching their pen tips against each other's notes arguing

- if they're not too sore, yuu will tolerate jamil massaging either their stomach, back, neck, shoulders, or head with one hand while the other jots helpful notes or tips beside kalim's mistakes

[primeministerofantarctica]

Okay, we've reached 69 responses for the survey (nice), so I'm closing it down and sharing the results now!

55% of players are EN only, 22% are JP only, while 23% play both versions

At least a third of the fandom plays the EN version and relies on wiki translations for story content

32% heard of the game through word of mouth, while 30% heard of it through tumblr posts. Counting up the additional responses, 12% found the game through other social media sites (mainly YouTube).

Octavinelle is overwhelmingly the most popular dorm at almost 25%, with Pomefiore and Heartslaybul both tied for second at 17.4% each.

Unsurprisingly, Floyd and Azul took first and second place with 32 and 31 votes respectively. Third place goes to Jamil with 30 votes, while fourth place is a tie between Kalim and Jade with 27 votes, and fifth place is a tie between Deuce, Lilia, Malleus and Yuu with 23 votes.

80% of you have ocs, and honestly, I'm surprised it's not higher.

Moreover, more than half participates in romantic self-insert content, while more than a quarter participates in platonic self-insert content!

I didn't create graphs for the shipping questions (mostly because that would have been. So much to type out lmao) but counting up the results, eleven people mentioned Ace/ Deuce as their favorite pairing, eight people just said some variant of "I don't have any ships", and seven people mentioned Vil/ Rook.

Additional comments:

I ship everyone

I don't think there's any canon romance but platonically I like the friendship/family bond w the Octatrio

Are there canon ships? Aren't they all headcanons? (oh noo im sorry T-T)

Grim x Canned Tuna

Regarding the oc/ self-insert ships, most of you are down bad for either Malleus, Azul, or Leona lmao.

Also, this result was actually surprising! I didn't expect the majority to be yes :0.

To cap it off, here's some of the headcanons I think deserve to be seen:

Ruggie sings "It's A Small World" when Leona won't get out of bed in the morning.

Curly fries are illegal contraband in NRC and you can bribe Crowley with them (it's my injoke because for some reason the game blocks/censors it if you try to type curly fries in your profile)

if ruggie was on TLC's Extreme Cheapskates hed 1000% be a fan fav

transfem deuce REAL

Kalim has sensitive tastebuds and can detect subtle changes in his food (helps in his ability to detect poison)

Leona purrs like a cat when you pet his head.

floyd eats fresh cucumber slices with blueberry jam and french whipped cream. unironically.

Kalim invites Desi/Muslim!Yuu over to Scarabia all the time, which helps with their homesickness.

That Vil and Neige are half siblings. I dunno why but they give me sibling vibes.

OH I like to think that when we use lesson items like the macarons and cupcakes, it's the boys eating in class to boost morale

vil wears glasses in the privacy of his room, i refuse to believe he hasn't ruined his eyesight

deuce is korean!

Korean deuce :)

Lilia can purr (bats do it sometimes ghkgss)

[magatsunohana]

I was reading through Kalim's SSR Dorm Uniform's vignette and the first person I see is Crowley. The hell is this.

The Vignette is so cute but I'm here to talk about Crowley. Kalim is the best Housewarden, hands down. I love Scarabia.

I think it's really cute how Dire has a one track mind about vacations, to the point that he has brochures on him all the time, and that he's constantly thinking of where to go next. Well, travelling is his hobby, and you really see just how happy and invested he is when it comes to looking for his next travel destination. I wish he was as invested in school issues, but alas, we'll get there at some point. And he plans it so well that he does all the research that can be had to make sure his trip goes smoothly.

Since his hobby is pretty lucrative, I do think that he tends to be extra careful in making sure that he'll thoroughly enjoy his trip. Like in the vignette, I'd like to think Jamil is right, because he's the more speculative one Crowley was looking into going on a vacation with the Land of Scalding sands as his destination. HOWEVER, he's someone who simply cannot handle spicy food, so he's having doubts about whether he should go or not. Coincidentally he drops his brochure and Kalim just happens to be there. Coincidence? I feel like it's planned. The fact there's someone there from the place that could give him just the information that he needs? I feel like Crowley would use Kalim to his advantage. Why not, right? He uses MC to his advantage all the time. The approach just depends per person. And since Kalim is very nice and generous. It's easier to get what he wants out of him compared to let's say, having Grim and MC do things for him. He literally has to bribe them majority of the time.

Eitherway, the Land of Scalding Sands is on his vacation bucket now. xD

[lost-lila]

Can you do another poly! Scarabia where MC cooks dinner for her boys?

Sorry that this took so long, I’m really busy at the moment, so I didn’t have any time to write, but now I’m back, so enjoy!!

----------

You were currently standing in the kitchen of the Scarabia dorm, cutting up vegetables and softly humming to yourself. It was no secret that your boyfriends loved to spoil you (especially the rich one), but today, you decided that it was your turn to do the spoiling. So, you decided to cook their favorite food for them and surprise them with it. However, that was easier said than done, considering that Kalim and Jamil hovered over your shoulder practically all the time. So, you bribed Grim with tuna to cause a distraction long enough for you to finish your dishes. You had to make two seperate ones since Kalim didn’t exactly share Jamil’s love for curry. After adding the vegetables to the pot, you waited, already imagining the looks on your boyfriends’ faces.

However, even after your hard work was finished, the two didn’t show up. After waiting 10 more minutes, you began to get worried. Did they get hurt? Did something happen? You stood up from the chair you were sitting on and decided to search for your missing lovers. And soon enough, you found them, curled up in each others arms on Kalim’s bed. Asleep. Chasing after Grim must have tired them out. You considered waking them, but couldn’t bring yourself to do so. Seems like all your effort was for nothing. As you turned around to let the two sleep in peace, you heard the rustling of bedsheets behind you. “What smells so good?”, Kalim asked, his voice still groggy. You turned around and saw that both of your boyfriends were getting out of bed, ready to investigate where the delicious smell came from. They passed by you (not before giving you a proper smooch, of course) and stepped out into the hallway. When they reached the table where you had prepared the food, their eyes lit up, mouth watering at the sight of their favorite food. They sat down and immediately began eating, letting out a happy moan at the wonderful taste. After a few minutes, Jamil turned to you. “Did you do this for us?”, he asked, sending a gentle smile in your direction. You nodded, causing Kalim to immediately begin thanking you with his mouth full, something he got scolded for by Jamil. They continued eating and after they were finished, they turned to you and gave you a big hug, littering your face in small kisses until you began giggling uncontrollably. They thanked you again for cooking for them and stood up to put away the dishes, leaving you sitting at the table with a proud smile on your face.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Yuu can do it!

Part 34

First<Previous>Next

Masterlist

Listen, if you ever get called in for a school assembly, it’s a trap.

You can’t escape them, obviously, they’re required, this information is only meant to say ‘prepare yourself for the worst’.

You have been warned.

Regardless, Enma stood in the back of the group with his dorm mates, each person more confused than the last as they quietly debated as to why they were there amongst themselves. Classes had been canceled for whatever this was, it must have been important. Right?

Crowley stepped onto the stage.

Ah. Not right, then.

He cleared his throat, tapping the mic until everyone fell silent.

“It has come to my attention that quite a few of you students do not know how to cook.”

“I was wondering if he was going to get me back for making him clean up those cauldrons,” Ito mumbled.

“So, I have taken it upon myself to ask the ghosts to teach you!”

“Can he really say he took it upon himself, then?” Kuroki mused.

“And, as everyone and their mother would bribe the judges if I left it up to you students, I will be the one taste-testing your dishes.”

Grim rubbed his paws together. “I’m going to poison him.”

Ito and Grim high-fived.

“You will not pass until you have made a dish worthy of my distinct palate!”

Enma sunk to his knees, horror washing over him.

One month into school, and he was already going to fail a class.

“We’ll help,” Ito promised, placing a hand on Enma’s shoulder, an attempt at comfort that, despite its inefficacy, he appreciated in these trying times.

“There’s nothing you can do,” he said solemnly.

~

Kuroki was screaming, fumbling with the pin on a fire extinguisher. Deuce lifted his wand to try and help with the kitchen fire, about to call for water, but Kuroki beamed him over the head with the now-weapon because it was a KITCHEN FIRE DO NOT PUT WATER ON IT ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE NO WONDER YOU GUYS ALMOST BURNED DOWN OUR DORM –!

Ito watched on, thoughtful.

Enma sighed. He wasn’t even sure how he had done it. He had been making a grilled cheese sandwich.

“Honestly, man, I think I’m just going to make your dish for you,” they said.

Enma sighed. “That’s cheating.”

The Wolf man that Enma often saw while going on morning runs gave him an approving nod.

“Are you mentally prepared to fail a class?”

“… fine.”

(Wolf man seemed very disappointed in him now. Whoops?)

~

Despite the general chaos that was a couple hundred teen boys trying to learn how to cook, there was a quiet corner of the kitchen. The far corner, to be exact, where almost every vice house warden (and Azul) had chosen to reside. It was relaxing, almost, listening to them all bustle about, to smell the sizzling garlic and lingering spices in the air, to take part in the murmured conversations as they worked around each other.

Kuroki wasn’t nearly as talented as any of these people — he could cook, sure, but not anything special, only really the few recipes he had figured out over the years — but he was allowed to be a part of their group. Mostly because he was pretty quiet and calm around people he didn’t know that well.

Enma was also there. He wasn’t allowed to touch the food anymore, though, so world peace was achieved.

Outside of the many fires, and the screaming, and the cursing that everyone else was doing. And that one guy who was apparently putting on a magic show in the middle of the room, pots and ingredients and sharp objects flying as he prepared what had to have been an entire feast…

But who cares about them?

… they did, unfortunately.

Ah, woe is them, their titles and general calm aura had come back to bite them, as people began wandering over.

Kalim walked over to Jamil, bearing his dish with pride. “Look! I did it!”

Jamil nodded absently, taking a tasting spoon and using it for a quick bite. Which he nearly spat out, only just barely managing to swallow it down. “What… why is it so spicy, Kalim? How much cayenne did you put in this?”

“All of it, obviously. The more you make, the more people can enjoy it!”

Jamil sighed. Deeply. And then he shook his head, taking the pot from him. “You didn’t balance the ingredients correctly. Go relax, I’ll fix it.”

“Oh, but you already have your own food to make! I can —!”

“I’ll manage. Go.”

Kalim hesitated. And then he broke out into a wide smile. “You’re the best, Jamil!”

Jamil didn’t respond, already too busy pulling down ingredients to fix it with.

Kalim didn’t expect a response, either, clearly, because he was already heading off to talk to Cater, who was in the middle of the room, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he piped ketchup onto a potato galette. They couldn’t see the design from where they were but, from what Enma knew about the guy, he was sure it looked fine. It might not taste the best, but he was sure it would be Magicam-worthy.

Ah, Cater was getting his phone out. Enma was right.

Sure, it wasn’t a particularly difficult thing to predict, but he can still be proud of himself regardless, right?

Apparently, not, because the universe allowed him to tune back into the conversation right in time to take him down a peg:

“Man, didn’t Crowley say that we weren’t supposed to help each other? Not a single person is following the rules,” said Grim, his gaze finding its way to Ruggie, who was yet another vice house warden who had been stuck making two dishes. Maybe Crowley should start looking into corruption among those in charge of the dorms.

Actually. No. Because Enma was currently benefitting from it.

Shamelessly benefitting from it? It was hard to say, he was very much offended by Grim’s snarky comment and therefore responded in kind, “Says the guy who’s literally exempt on account of not having opposable thumbs.”

Grim huffed. “Which is within the rules!”

“Rules are important,” Riddle said. Every single Ramshackle student froze, for they were not following them. Riddle may not have jurisdiction over them, and his unique magic couldn’t affect them, and he had been getting better… but, hey, if Ito and Enma suddenly huddled closer to hide their cheating, then who’s going to say anything?

Not Riddle, who only raised an eyebrow suspiciously before seeming to remember the task at hand, and that’s all that matters.

Riddle looked at Trey. “The cabbage leaves aren’t all the same thickness. How can I ensure that all of my rolls are uniform? Should I measure their weight in grams?”

Trey smiled fondly. “Some variation is allowed.”

“But…”

“There are very few things in real life that need to be perfect, perfection is pretty much impossible, being ‘close enough’ is – uh – well – close enough.”

Riddle hesitated, before nodding, mouthing the words to himself a couple of times, as if trying to memorize them. And then he flushed, realizing that this, too, was just a habit that was borne out of his need to be perfect, and therefore he was already ‘messing up’.

Trey smiled and knocked his shoulder against Riddle’s. “Hey, at least you’re listening, right? And I’ll help.”

Trey clearly did not mean just in regards to the cabbage rolls Riddle was making, but he was glad to accept his help with that, too.

“Wow, are vice house wardens just mom-coded or something?” Kuroki mumbled.

Ito hit him in the shoulder with their wooden spoon. This did nothing to disprove his point, but it did make Kuroki shut up, so they seemed to take this a win.

And Kuroki got his karmic punishment.

Grim shrieked and jumped ship, into Enma’s arms, which was all of the warning anyone got before they were joined by someone new. Someone terrible.

Floyd Leech.

Kuroki hissed as the boy threw all of his weight into him, immediately slapping his hands onto the table to get some leverage in the kind of practiced motion that suggested this had happened many times before. “Leech-senpai,” he greeted through gritted teeth.

“Yes?” said Jade, smiling pleasantly.

Kuroki probably would have glared if he valued his life any less. Even as it was, Enma could see him scowling at the table in front of him, debating it heavily. “Other Leech-senpai.”

“Oh, me?” said Floyd, throwing even more weight onto Kuroki.

Kuroki was making a valiant effort at schooling his face into something more or less neutral. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t great at ‘valiance’, so… his efforts probably would have been better spent contributing to his fight against gravity. “Yes. Could you please get off of me? I need to stir this.”

Floyd considered this. And then he shrugged. “Can I try it? I’ve never had anything you’ve made, Koebi-chan, you’re always out on the floor. I gotta know!”

His lips pressed into a thin, annoyed line at the nickname, but he weighed the dialogue options in his head and eventually decided the one that kept him alive was probably the better one: “Sure.”

Kuroki was released, and after stirring his ramen to make sure that everything was mixed well, and absently throwing a noodle at the ceiling to see if it stuck and was therefore fully cooked, he offered a clean spoon to Floyd.

The boy hummed thoughtfully. “Could use a bit more of a kick to it.”

Kuroki mumbled something about how everyone else was wrong. But he still took the spice bottle that was offered to him.

“He’s sensitive,” Enma told Floyd in a conspiratorial whisper that would have done well up on a stage but, in all other scenarios, did not serve the usual purpose of a whisper because it was very loud. Kuroki shot him a nasty look over his shoulder. “In every way. Don’t take it personally, senpai.”

Another clean spoon was used (as is proper when taste-testing dishes in a restaurant) and Floyd nodded his approval.

Kuroki sighed, relieved. “Thanks, man, my taste buds are off.” He took the pot off his burner and smiled at Floyd.

“Oh noooo Covid,” Ito deadpanned. Much to the confusion of everyone, except for Kuroki, who snickered and punched them in the shoulder.

And then he went silent.

He looked at Enma, horror dawning on his expression. “Wait, fuck, you aren’t vaccinated for Covid, are you?”

Enma stared at him blankly for a solid five seconds, and then he remembered the awkward conversation they’d had earlier that month, trying to discern the differences between their realities. It was kind of difficult, considering it was hard to say ‘this is a given in my reality’ because it’s, well, a given. It’s hard to conceptualize differences without reference. But they had figured out one thing: they were from different years. Ito was from 2032, and Kuroki was from 2028. Enma had disappeared in 2020. When pressed about why he hadn’t been wearing a mask (and him only questioning them back as to why he would bother wearing a costume mask for 2020, and whether the Purge had happened or something), he specified that he was from March of 2020, which was vitally important. Apparently, he had narrowly dodged a worldwide pandemic that had kept everyone locked in their houses for years on end. Yay him.

He still wasn’t sure why this was relevant to their newfound lack of proper tastebuds.

Ito, apparently, got what Kuroki was implying, because they gasped and pointed a finger at him. “You bastard! You got me sick!”

“Uh. Sorry?”

“You should be,” Kuroki sniffed. “I managed to get through without a single infection. I’ll never taste anything again now. Evil.”

“What are they talking about?” Floyd asked around a mouthful of ramen, only getting shrugs in return.

“They do this sometimes,” Trey sighed. “They’re like Lilia-kun, I think that they think it’s funny to make up things. Ignore them. It’s what we all do.”

Jade narrowed his eyes.

But, before Jade could press them, Kuroki realized that Floyd was eating the food he’d made and he immediately dragged the pot away from him.

And then he handed Floyd a napkin before the boy could get too mad, trying to distract him: “You have some broth on the tip of your nose.”

It worked, surprisingly. Floyd gave Kuroki a weird look as he took it, dabbing at his nose delicately to get it off.

“You really are a shrimp,” Floyd said, a grin stretching across his lips.

Someone had to be grinning, Enma supposed. Because Kuroki certainly wasn’t.

He cursed under his breath and turned to start portioning the ramen out so they could all have something to eat (it wasn’t like anyone was going to check, and Ruggie was doing it, too, so they wouldn’t be alone in detention even if someone did rat them out). Unfortunately, his hair wasn’t quite long enough to hide the embarrassed flush creeping up his neck.

“Now you even look like one!” he said, poking red cheeks.

“Floyd,” sighed Azul. “Shouldn’t you be making something of your own instead of tormenting our worker?”

“Nah.”

Azul sputtered. “What do you mean ‘nah’?!”

“Nah.”

Azul looked exasperated. He gave Jade a pleading look. Jade was not swayed in the slightest.

“Fine, Azul, I’ll leave Koebi-chan alone. I’d much rather mess with Kingyo-chan instead, anyway!”

Kuroki looked almost offended.

Riddle wasn’t particularly happy about this, either: “And, on that note, I think I’m done with my dish!” he said, before making a break for it.

Unfortunately for him, Floyd ran after him.

Only Trey made moves to help him. Wow, everyone in this school sucks.

Enma raised an eyebrow. “Not going to help Rosehearts-senpai out of solidarity?”

“He didn’t help me!” Kuroki huffed.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

“Bitch —!”

“Man, there goes our peace,” said Ruggie, eyeing the pair of them warily.

Ito snickered. “Imagine living with them.”

“My condolences,” said Jade.

Ito nodded solemnly.

Enma and Kuroki paused in their bickering to whirl on Ito. “Hey!”

~

The first round of food tastings was upon them!

Now, if everyone did well, this would be the only round, but that is far too much to ask.

Everyone they cared about got through, surprisingly enough. Ace managed to scrape by with a mac n’ cheese. Deuce’s filet was cut a little strangely but tasted fine. Cater’s dish went off without a hitch – apparently, all that Magicam use was good for something, as he had actually absorbed quite a bit from cooking videos that had come up on his explore page. Trey got through (obviously) and, because of his help, Riddle got through as well.

In a similar vein, the cheaters all got through. Hell yeah, cheaters always win. Jamil and Kalim got through with flying colors, though Crowley noted that Jamil’s plating was a little dull, something that clearly pissed him off, but Jamil grinned and bore it. Ruggie and Leona managed decent grades, too, much to Wolf man’s chagrin, but Wolf man got through as well so the competition wasn’t rigged enough for him to voice his complaints.

Azul got through with his seafood dish, which is what you would hope for, considering he owned a restaurant. He was the only Octavinelle student they knew who did so, though. Floyd presented an empty plate, and almost got through by claiming it was an avante-garde piece but, unfortunately for him, his motivation to lie disappeared a few minutes into his spiel and he fessed up. Jade’s dish paralyzed Crowley’s tongue, so he got sent back despite his dish tasting stellar (or, at least, that’s what they thought Crowley had said, it had sounded more like thetha, because, you know, paralytics).

Enma pretended he didn’t hear Ito mumbling about how smart Jade was under their breath.

He also pretended not to notice when Ito watched on, forlorn, as Lilia walked up to the stage, his abomination spewing green fumes. Enma hadn’t even realized that could happen in real life. Maybe it couldn’t and Lilia had simply made something so bad that the Great Seven decided to use their magic from beyond the grave to warn them all not to eat it. Kind of them.

That was… about all of the people they knew. So, they tuned out everyone to have a little side conversation while they waited for their turns:

“God, he’s so much worse than me,” Ito complained.

Kuroki patted them on the shoulder. “You’ll figure out how to make cosmic horrors one day.”

They looked down at their meal. The day was not today, unfortunately, or least it wasn’t yet late enough in the day. They had made two perfectly acceptable dishes out of habit and had been faced with a critical decision: being nice to Crowley, or working harder. A very difficult choice indeed.

One that they didn’t even actually make. They had turned to Enma and said, “Make it bad.”

Enma… wasn’t sure how to feel about this. He was kind of flattered that they were confident in his terrible cooking skills but, for the same reason, he was deeply offended.

But whatever. He touched the food and it burst into flames instantly. It is what it is.

Just kidding. He set it in a pan and then started tossing it in pure kosher salt. What can he say? Kalim inspired him.

And then it had ended up burned. He wasn’t really sure how, but would he ever admit that out loud? No. He was just very good at his job.

So good at his job that Crowley, despite his attempts to cut his way through the meat in search of an edible part, was unable to find anything he could actually chew, let alone swallow.

Needless to say, Ito failed.

Enma and Kuroki passed! Yay them!

Except… as they watched Ito head back into the kitchen, they realized that their emotional support extrovert was missing. Besides, Ito would definitely need help messing up their next meal, so…

~

The kitchen was somehow both more and less relaxed during the second round. There were far fewer people, most of them had gone home to enjoy their day off the moment they’d gotten a passing score, but all of the people who were left were terrible at cooking and there wasn’t anything to dilute the potency of burn smells and blood from the sheer amount of people who had cut their fingers on accident.

Floyd was trying to stab one of the ghosts repeatedly. The ghost was a ghost, so this wasn’t much more than a nuisance for him, but it was still fucked up.

And then there was Ito and Jade, casually working in the corner once again. They weren’t really talking, unless you count Ito asking Jade to grab a bowl above his head for them and Jade checking to make sure a knife he wanted to use was clean, but it seemed to be far more relaxed an ordeal than their last conversation in the doorway of the Mostro Lounge.

Enma almost felt bad breaking the calm air.

Almost.

He shared mischievous grins with his friends. The ghost that had let them in gave them an exasperated look. Poor guy was overworked. They would make sure not to inconvenience him too much. As is right – never inconvenience service workers.

Ito, though? Ito was off the clock (well, probably not, he doubted they had clocked out yesterday… but off the job, at least), and therefore fair game.

“Boo,” said Grim the moment they got close, ever the creative one.

Ito dropped the dough they had been testing the elasticity of onto the floor. They looked at it for a moment, depressed, and then seemed to remember their goal was to give Crowley a terrible experience, so they just picked it up and started working it again.

“Ugh,” they complained nonetheless. “How did you even get in here?”

“We have an in, of course,” Kuroki said, smirking.

Ito raised an eyebrow. “How?”

Enma gave them a weird look. “The… the kitchen ghosts are our ghosts?”

“Our…?” Ito repeated slowly, and then they blinked. “Our –?! They’re the ones from our house?!”

“Obviously?” said Enma. “I mean, they look the same and all.”

Ito shrugged. “Honestly, I just didn’t think that those guys would need jobs. If Crowley really forgot they were in Ramshackle at the beginning of the year, I think it’s safe to say that they weren’t paying rent. And, I mean, why do ghosts even work? Not like they need food or anything.”

“Retirees get jobs all the time. Old people get bored just sitting around all day,” Deuce pointed out.

Ito huffed, which was basically their version of conceding on the point.

“What, do you think beheadings are super common here or something?” Kuroki teased.

“They are,” Ace said dully, his metal collar shining beneath the bright lights of the kitchen. Apparently, he had skipped out on flamingo duty. Enma thought it was deserved, but apparently Ace strongly disagreed.

“… actual beheadings.”

Emma grinned. “I mean, apparently they were a huge thing when the Queen of Hearts was around.”

“He’s got a point there,” Deuce mused.

“Whose fucking side are you –?! We’re not in the Queendom!” Kuroki pointed out.

“Better point.”

Ito crossed their arms over their chest, pouting. “I hate you all.”

“No, you don’t,” said Enma confidently.

Ito grumbled under their breath. They glanced at Jade. “Sorry about them.”

“The fuck?” Ace muttered.

Jade laughed, though. Maybe partially at their expressions. “Don’t worry about it, I’m almost done, then I’ll be out of your hair.”

Oh, right! The task at hand!

Enma pointed at the dough. It was sitting there, looking oh-so-innocent despite its recent encounter with the floor. “Oh, were you waiting for me to mess it up?”

“Nono, I’ve got a plan.” They skewered the dough on a metal rod and then presented it before their darling monster. “Go ham, bud.”

Grim lit up. Literally. Because of a sudden overabundance of flames in their nearby vicinity.

Everyone backed up, but Ito didn’t even blink. They watched on with a bored expression as they slowly twirled the food around on their stick, making sure that it got evenly burned.

“Ito…” said Kuroki.

They blew it out once they were satisfied that it was inedible, smiling.

“Done!”

Enma wiped imaginary sweat from his brow. Well, actually, it wasn’t imaginary, fire is hot, but the emphasis on it was entirely for the joke: “I think that’s the longest time I’ve ever seen you without a smile. It was terrifying. Never do that again.”

~

Crowley looked down at the bread that he had been presented with. It was a simple shortbread, but the food was pitch black. Burned to the point where it had become unrecognizable.

“I’m beginning to sense a pattern,” he sighed, before cutting into it, probably in hopes that the center would be a little bit less scorched. And it was! But at what cost? Somehow, the inside of the loaf hadn’t been cooked at all. He reached a clawed hand into the bread and tore out a wad of pure dough.

He gave Ito an exasperated look.

They batted their eyelashes innocently. “Well, you have to try it to see whether I pass, right?”

Crowley looked like he’d rather die (even though his current best shot at death was eating the ‘meal’ laid in front of him, food poisoning is no joke), but he did eventually shove the wad in his mouth.

The glowing lights in his eyes seemed to gleam brighter.

“It’s… delicious!”

“Fuck, I’m too good at cooking,” Ito lamented, burying their face in their hands.

Kuroki patted them on the back comfortingly.

“Well, despite your apparent lack of technical skills, I fear that if I don’t pass you, I may simply pass away, so enjoy your passing grade, Ito-kun!”

Ito grumbled in Spanish. It was definitely not a PG-13 sentence, but Crowley smiled as if it had been and even had the audacity to say, “You’re welcome!”

~

“Probably for the best,” they said, despite still seeming put out. “I was going to ramp my way up to rat poison.”

“It would have worked,” Kuroki said, nodding sagely. “I don’t care if he’s a Crow, he’s a rat.”

“Guys,” Enma whined. “Please don’t kill the Headmaster.”

Grim blew a halfhearted jet of flame his way. “But it would be funny!”