#James is in detention because he blew up the potions classroom

[celestialgalaxyglow]

Sirius: Good morning Reggie how- is that my skirt?

Regulus: It was, it's mine now.

Sirius (annoyed): Reggie if you want to wear skirts that's fine but you can't take mine.

Regulus (not caring): Well I like it so it's mine now.

Sirius: Give it back!

Regulus: Never!

A few hours later in detention.

James: You two got detention over a skirt?!

Sirius and Regulus: Sorry.

[pleaseleavemetowrite]

Potions Class | Sirius Black

reader has she/her pronouns but there's nothing that explicitly states the reader's gender apart from that. Also this is my first Marauders era fic so please give me feedback and stuff!

Requested: yes/no

requests are open!

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Summary: In which Sirius unintentionally falls for a half-blood he met during potions class.

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(Y/n) will never forget the day she became friends with Sirius Black. It was their fifth year and (Y/n) knew who Sirius and the rest of the Marauders were, they were practically unavoidable but it's only highlighted when you're in Gryffindor. However, just because everyone knew them, this doesn't mean they really knew anyone besides who they chose to. So, when Slughorn practically insisted on assigning partners for a potions project, (Y/n) and Sirius finally became (formally) introduced.

(Y/n) could practically feel the mild level of annoyance in the air around them and Sirius, she wasn't sure if she should be offended or not. It seemed to feel like she was unable to tell if it was being paired up with her or being assigned a partner in general that bothered Sirius. But, (Y/n) wasn't one to pry and just left him to do his thing while she read over the potion instructions. Once she finished, she finally made an attempt to talk to Sirius.

"Hey, can you go get this list of ingredients while I prep the cauldron, the quicker we get this done, the quicker you can go back to ignoring my existence." Her tone came off as more passive-aggressive then intended when they passed Sirius the small list of ingredients she had written out. But it seemed to work as he wordlessly took the list and left (Y/n) alone to relax her shoulders and gently roll them back before preparing the cauldron. And before she knew it, he was back. He seemed less annoyed then before but not happy either, it was a neutral medium of indifference but (Y/n) couldn't really blame him, she wasn't exactly thrilled to find out she had to work with Sirius.

(Y/n) began the process of chopping, crushing and measuring the ingredients for the potion when Sirius spoke up. "So...you come here often?" (Y/n) had an expression of mild amusement as she gave him a look to say really? Sirius lightly shook his head laughing, "Well what do you want me to say? We don't exactly know each other" (Y/n) breathed out a laugh as she replied, "Maybe not "you come here often" when we are literally in a classroom." Her tone was light-hearted as the potion suddenly became irrelevant. Sirius seemed to share the same idea as he slightly moved closer to (Y/n), leaning on the worktop. "So, tell me about yourself." He sounded genuinely interested, and while (Y/n) knew of his reputation she couldn't help but begin to tell him anything and everything that came to mind.

She told him all about her muggle friends at home, how hard it is to tell them that she isn't ignoring them she just goes to a "strict boarding school." and how her mum used to always take her to park after Primary School if she had been good, since she seemed to always "accidently" cause trouble by making a mess or being somewhere she wasn't allowed to because she couldn't control her magic yet. She told him about the book her aunt would read to her about a puddle duck named Jemima. and although (Y/n) was sure Sirius had stopped listening long ago, he hadn't. He hung onto every word of every story. In return, he would tell her stories about the backstories and reasoning of some of their most infamous pranks around school, and about some of James' more outlandish ways of confessing to Lily.

Before either of them knew it, the lesson was almost over, and Slughorn was assessing their potions. Suddenly, all their laughter ceased as they locked eyes and just began throwing random things into the cauldron and stirring it in hopes of something. However, it seemed like this wasn't the best idea as the concoction before them exploded right as Slughorn walked over. Successfully earning themselves detentions of organising the store rooms and cleaning the classroom for a few days. But neither of them could contain their laughter as their stupid idea literally blew up in their faces. In her laughter, (Y/n) tripped over her own robes and fell onto Sirius, who luckily caught her, but it only made them both laugh harder. Slughorn was fed up and dismissed them early so they could, "compose themselves." (Y/n) caught her breath and adjusted her robes as Sirius asked, "Where have you been all my life?" (Y/n) responded sarcastically, "What literally or...? Because if so up until 1st year I was in the muggle world. and past then, I was literally right in front of you." Sirius lightly rolled his eyes at her response.

"This was our last lesson, so do you want to walk back to the common room?" Sirius asked her, (Y/n) agreed. The pair made light conversation, exchanging stories and joking. Until they reached the common room as they realised they had to part and go to their respective friendship groups, with Sirius obviously with James, Remus and Peter and (Y/n) with Lily, Alice and Dorcas. It would be strange for Sirius to join (Y/n) and (Y/n) wasn't going to just leave her friends the second someone else gives her attention. The pair settled on just saying they would see each other later at dinner. But before they parted Sirius asked, "If your Evans' friend, how come I hardly knew you." "Because you only knew me as "Evans' friend"." (Y/n) then proceeded to give Sirius one last smile before Alice walked in and (Y/n) left with her. Leaving Sirius to think over what she had said.

The worst part was the longer he thought about it, the more he realised she was right, he had never thought to think past her being friends with Lily.

The thought stayed on the back of Sirius' mind as he went about his afternoon and early evening as he would on any ordinary day. After they had both finished, Sirius and (Y/n) walked down to the dungeons to organise the stores rooms as Slughorn had ordered them to. The walk was quiet and (Y/n) was growing uncomfortable with it and spoke up, "Hey, about earlier. What I said was rude and-" "What are you talking about, you were right." Sirius cut off and paused before continuing, "I won't lie what you said did bother me, but not because it was rude. It's because you were right. I never did think to look past the fact you're Evans' friend. I did the others and I just assumed you were like them, and no offence to them but they aren't really my type of people and-" "Sirius it's fine, I get it, really. I would be a hypocrite if I said I had never only saw you as what your reputation made you out to be." The both were now stuck in a limbo where neither of them had an issue with other but neither had anything to say.

So they laughed, they laughed all the way down to the store room. "What are we laughing about?" "The fact that we were both wrong." Their laughter died down as they entered the store room. "What a tip! No wonder it needs cleaning, no one's even thought about organising anything since 1896." (Y/n) sounded annoyed and almost astounded about how disorganised the room was and wondered how Slughorn even found anything they needed for lessons.

Sirius seemed amused by (Y/n) apparent distress at the state of the room and threw his arm around her shoulders and said in a teasing tone, "You were around in 1896 well you don't look a day over 50." (Y/n) rolled her eyes but didn't remove his arm. It was almost comforting to smell his cologne and how it mixed with smell of firewood that followed him and the dust in the air. Sirius also made no attempt to remove his arm as he could smell the lingering tones of her perfume and the muggle bubble-gum she had showed him earlier.

"Well you two better get to work you have a lot to do." The pair were snapped out of their daydreams by Slughorn suddenly entering and upon seeing the position they were in, he gave Sirius the task of bringing the boxes of the highest shelf and (Y/n) to begin to organise the ones on the bottom shelf. This seemed like an attempt to physically separate the two.

The first ten minuets were productive, mainly because they didn't want Slughorn to walk in again and deem that they weren't working hard enough. But all it took was Sirius either accidently or purposely nearly dropping a box of ingredients to make the pair start talking and joking around again. As the monotonous and tiresome work progressed, the two were becoming increasingly aware of how much they really did enjoy each other's company, even if they were in a somewhat cramped and definitely dusty potions store room.

It past curfew when they had finished so they didn't dawdle in the halls, as much as Sirius could probably get away with it, neither of them were willing to risk it after the mind-numbing task they had of alphabetising the store room. Once they reached the common room, they both collapsed onto the sofa as their exhaustion set in. "At least it's only cleaning for our next few, and not that. " (Y/n) tried to joke but her eyes were dropping by the second, Sirius seemed to notice this, "At least go to bed before falling asleep, these sofas aren't comfortable enough to sleep on, trust me." (Y/n) weakly nodded and muttered a small goodnight to Sirius as she borderline dragged herself up the stairs to her dorm.

In the following weeks, (Y/n) and Sirius spent more and more time together, not just in detention or class but outside of class as well. Somewhere along the way, their feelings for each other had manifested into something more. The lingering eye contact felt more intimate and when their hands brushed it felt like butterflies had swarmed into their vicinity and sent nerves down their backs. Although, it was obvious to everyone but them that they liked each other as something more, they were both adamant that their feelings were not reciprocated.

It wasn't until their final detention together that their friends decided enough was enough and took matters into their own hands, as it seems they had also grown closer based on their shared feelings of frustration of their respective friend's obliviousness. Lily and Remus worked together to quickly had Amortentia brewed quickly enough so that it would be in the potions room and James used his cloak to hide in the hallway while Alice and Dorcas distracted Slughorn long enough for him to not notice James tampering with the lock on the door.

(Y/n) and Sirius entered the room and closed the door, and that signified the success of their friend's plans. They both started with the first part of the routine they had curated for themselves from previous detentions. They began with clearing the desks, cleaning off any mess made, putting away the equipment used and then making their way to the unfinished potions at the back. The routine was simple but effective since they couldn't use magic to speed any of the process up. They went about the routine like they had all the previous sessions, making jokes and just talking.

Until they reached the potions and (Y/n) suddenly began to smell Sirius' cologne, it was unmissable for her, it reminded her of the boy she had unintentionally fallen for. But then the smell began to mix with the smell of butterbeer and the common room. "Really Sirius? Did you have to spray your cologne now? It's so bloody strong." Then without missing a beat, Sirius responded, "Says you I can smell your perfume from here, and that gum you keep complaining about because your mum won't send you more."

There was a silence that weighed in the air, as both of them were processing what this meant. Then it simultaneously dawned on them, Amortentia. Without any hesitation, they met in the middle of the room and pressed their lips together. The kiss was gentle but passionate, it release all the longing and yearning they had been holding for so long.

They then broke away from each other and smiled, relieved that they no longer had to hold the dread of fearing rejection.

"Sirius?" "Yeah?" "The quicker we get this done, the quicker you can go back to ignoring my existence." Sirius smiled upon hearing the passive-aggressive statement before replying, "You can't get away from me that easily, love."

[mizzy636]

Things found in the Hogwarts Staff Room of @shanastoryteller’s survival is a talent, as thought of by @kerov and me:

Countdown Until the Weasley Twins & Co Graduate (Begun at the end of their first month when it became obvious the Marauders had found their spiritual legacy)

Countdown Until Quinn Graduates (Separate from the Weasley Twins despite being the same number because zir antics require it, begun mentally by Snape but has since become one of the most updated by the entire staff)

Countdown Until Potter & Co Graduate (Begun after the troll in first year because it was the first sign of the chaos to come, now updated religiously by at least half the staff each day, with everyone who can attend the update arriving)

Countdown Until Malfoy Graduates (Begun in 4th year due to Draco’s crazy becoming more obvious to more than just Flitwick, Lupin, and Snape (who had already had mental countdowns) and worrying the professors that he’s going to put himself in an exhaustion-induced coma with how much he’s trying to do, and it’s only getting worse)

Countdown Until Ginny Weasley & Co Graduate (Only added in their second year (Harry’s third) when it slowly became obvious which of the youngest two Weasley children was more like the Twins)

It Has Been __ Days Since a Weasley Twin Prank (The highest number it ever reached was 5, and that was due to them being so busy between detentions and, more importantly, Quidditch practice in their 5th year (Harry’s 3rd) to win the Cup that year that they were too exhausted to plan any pranks – the professors celebrated that number for a week straight)

It Has Been __ Days Since Quinn Blew Something Up (Begun by Snape well before it was put in the Staff Room due to zir love of blowing up cauldrons)

It Has Been __ Days Since Quinn Fucked Something Up (Yes, it needed its own countdown, the staff realized; there was a major difference between the two)

It Has Been __ Days Since Malfoy Did Something that Should Have Been Impossible Even With Magic (Begun during 4th year when he continually did what should have been impossible throughout the year, to the point they were resigned to it rather than shocked)

It Has Been __ Days Since Potter & Co’s Last Nonsense (Begun by McGonagall after she caught them out of bed due to Norberta in first year, since it reminded her of the Marauders, and the others joined in as they caught on that they had already done way too much nonsense for simple first years and it wasn’t a good sign)

It Has Been __ Days Since Potter Ended Up in the Hospital Wing (Madam Pomfrey began this countdown during his second year, and others were quick to follow it; the only reason Draco doesn’t have his own is because he has yet to end up in the hospital wing, but there are most certainly bets going on about when he will end up in there and gain his own count in the Staff Room)

It Has Been __ Days Since Finnegan Blew Something Up (Begun within a month of him entering Hogwarts as he quickly became notorious for his love of fires and explosions)

It Has Been __ Days Since a Quidditch-Related Fight (This has been around for as long as Quidditch has been at Hogwarts, and its numbers are always smallest before a match, especially the Gryffindor-Slytherin one, and highest during the off-season, but even during the off-season it gets reset occasionally) 

It Has Been __ Days Since a Couple was Found in a Broom Cupboard by Staff (Begun before any current professors could name, it was a simple way for professors to tell the rest of the staff that yet another couple was stupid enough to be caught in a broom cupboard, rather than having to actually mention it to one another)

It Has Been __ Days Since Gryffindor Caused School-Wide Rumors (Notorious for having one of the smallest numbers, most years, though apparently in 1768 they went an entire school year without it being reset; there’s a plaque for that year)

It Has Been __ Days Since Slytherin Caused School-Wide Rumors (Often competing with Gryffindor for most often reset, especially since Voldemort began to rise in the 70s, though even before then resets were common) 

It Has Been __ Days Since Hufflepuff Caused School-Wide Rumors (More often reset than some may guess, but they also hold the title for some of the most insane rumors that float around that were actually proven true, like the time they made a tunnel out of Hogwarts and ran the smuggling ring of the castle for over a decade back in the 1850s-60s)

It Has Been __ Days Since Ravenclaw Caused School-Wide Rumors (Least commonly reset, but almost every single reset occurred due to experimentation with magic that caused either an amazing result or destruction)

It Has Been __ Days Since a School-Wide Disaster (While recently this most often coincides with either Harry & Co’s Last Nonsense or a Weasley Twin Prank (or the Marauders before them), it has historically been reset due to events such as the Chamber of Secrets being opened, an epidemic of a disease, Peeves causing a huge mess (with student assistance), the house elves going on strike and not cooking for over a day straight, creatures from the Forbidden Forest trying to invade the castle, the giant squid finding its way into the Black Lake, etc.)

It Has Been __ Days Since the Last Unexplained Phenomenon (The origin date of this count is unknown and likely goes back to near the time of the Founders; it is just constantly kept in the Staff Room and updated when necessary)

It Has Been __ Days Since the Defense Professor was Hired (Begun when the curse on the position was noticed, it became a source of amusement for many professors to see which Defense professor survived the curse the longest before a new professor took over; this is one count that is usually charmed to be hidden from said professor, of course)

__ Days Until Potter’s Annual June Bullshit (Begun after second year when they realized this was going to be an annual event and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the castle for them to be dealing with this)

List of the Most Insane Pranks Pulled by the Weasley Twins

List of the Worst Fuck Ups Quinn Managed

List of the Insane Situations Potter & Co Found Themselves In

List of Impossible Magic Malfoy Pulled Off

List of What Sent Potter to the Hospital Wing Again

List of Unique Quidditch Injuries (Harry’s broken arm to no bones at all made this list)

List of Insane Quidditch Stunts (Harry’s first match definitely made this list)

List of Unique Hospital Wing Visits (Hermione’s Polyjuice Potion incident is on it)

List of the Worst Student Fuck Ups (In the Classroom and Out of It)

List of the Most Unique Places Couples Were Found Together

List of School-Wide Disasters

List of the Most Insane Reasons for Gryffindor School-Wide Rumors

List of the Most Insane Reasons for Slytherin School-Wide Rumors

List of the Most Insane Reasons for Hufflepuff School-Wide Rumors

List of the Most Insane Reasons for Ravenclaw School-Wide Rumors

Lists From the Past (Stored in a cabinet of the Staff Room for anyone curious to look at):

Countdown Until the Class of 1978 Graduates (Begun early in their first year due to the Marauders but then gaining even more followers of it as more and more of the year caused problems such as Snape and Evans and their friends; that class couldn’t graduate soon enough for the professors’ sanities)

It Has Been __ Days since James Potter Asked Lily Evans Out (Because really, it got to be a way too common thing and the staff were curious to see how high it could go before they reset it; that number was actually 64 in their 6th year near the end when he began to finally calm down and mature)

It Has Been __ Days since James Potter was in Detention (This number remained ridiculously low until his 6th year, with the record being 14 days and that only due to Quidditch)

It Has Been __ Days since Sirius Black was in Detention (His and James’ lists were usually reset at the same time, to absolutely no one’s surprise)

It Has Been __ Days since Remus Lupin was in Detention (Of the Marauders, his count reached the highest numbers, but even his was reset at least every other month for most of their time at Hogwarts)

It Has Been __ Days since Peter Pettigrew was in Detention (Somewhere between James/Sirius and Remus, Peter’s record was just shy of a month at 27 days before their 6th year)

It Has Been __ Days since Severus Snape was in Detention (A large majority of his detentions were caused by fights with the Marauders, but some were due to experimenting with potions with Lily and blowing something up)

It Has Been __ Days since Severus Snape and/or Lily Evans Blew Up a Cauldron (They were the Quinn of their era, constantly experimenting with potions and blowing something up, hence his exasperation with Quinn and why the professors that had taught him were subtly and not-so-subtly laughing their asses off at how ze was what he deserved, until they realized ze got progressively worse each year and it started affecting them too)

It Has Been __ Days Since a Fight Between Slytherins and Gryffindors (Influenced by the fighting due to the war occurring outside of Hogwarts between Voldemort and Death Eaters and those who opposed them, this was much more common in the 70s than it is in the 90s, so it was retired after Voldemort’s “defeat” in 1981)

It Has Been __ Days Since There was a Magical Creature Running Loose in the Castle (Begun during Newt Scamander’s time as a student, it was retired after he was expelled, believed to be unnecessary, only for Hagrid to become a student and require its resurrection; the staff didn’t realize it until after he was expelled and could then have his creatures near him on the grounds by his hut, finally revealing the source)

[aidanchaser]

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Everyone Lives AU

Table of Contents beta’d by @ageofzero

Chapter Seven The Boggart in the Wardrobe

“Orange, Longbottom,” said Snape. He dipped his ladle into Neville’s potion and let it splash back into the cauldron so everyone could see.

Neville went very pink, and started trembling as badly as he had in Professor Trelawney’s class. Potions might’ve been Harry’s least favorite class, but he wasn’t sure he dreaded it half as much as Neville did.

“Does nothing penetrate that thick skull of yours?” Professor Snape went on. “Didn’t you hear me say, quite clearly, that only one rat spleen was needed? Didn’t I state plainly that a dash of leech juice would suffice? What do I have to do to make you understand, Longbottom?”

Harry thought Neville looked like he might start to cry.

“Please, sir,” Hermione began, “please, I could help Neville put it right —”

“I don’t remember asking you to show off, Miss Granger,” Snape said.

The Slytherin table laughed. Harry shot them a glare, but they only laughed harder.

“Longbottom,” said Snape, “at the end of this lesson we will feed a few drops of this potion to your toad and see what happens. Perhaps that will encourage you to do it properly.”

Snape moved away, and Harry stared after him. His own Shrinking Potion glittered dangerously close to red, and he quickly added his shrivelfig.

“Help me,” Neville mouthed to Hermione, his face the epitome of utter desperation.

Seamus Finnigan leaned over Harry’s cauldron to borrow his brass scales. “Hey, Harry, have you heard? Daily Prophet this morning — they reckon Regulus Black’s been sighted.”

“Where?” Harry and Ron asked quickly.

Neville dropped an extra caterpillar in his cauldron. Hermione quickly hissed at him to grab it before it dissolved into the potion.

“Not too far from here,” said Seamus. His eyes glinted with excitement. “It was a Muggle who saw him. ‘Course, she didn’t really understand. The Muggles think he’s just an ordinary criminal, don’t they? So she phoned in the hot line. By the time the Ministry of Magic got there, he was gone.”

“Not too far from here….” Ron looked between Harry and Neville. Then he noticed Malfoy watching them from across the classroom, so he made a face at him.

“But he can’t get into the castle,” Harry whispered to Ron. “He has to know that.”

“There’s dementors everywhere,” Ron agreed.

“And Dumbledore,” said Harry. There was no way anyone could get past Dumbledore.

“You should have finished adding your ingredients by now,” said Snape. “This potion needs to stew before it can be drunk, so clear away while it simmers and then we’ll test Longbottom’s.”

Harry took his scales back from Seamus and started packing his things. He looked over to Neville, whose potion was now a yellowish-green. Hermione was still muttering instructions to him while she packed up her own very large bag.

Then Snape went and stood by Neville’s cauldron. “Everyone gather ‘round, and watch what happens to Longbottom’s toad. If he has managed to produce a Shrinking Solution, it will shrink to a tadpole. If, as I don’t doubt, he has done it wrong, his toad is likely to be poisoned.”

Harry had to bite back at least seven foul things he wanted to say to Snape. He couldn’t understand why Snape always picked on him and Neville, but he thought it was a bit too early in the school year to start earning detentions. Especially detention with Snape.

It was so silent you could have heard a quill fall from a desk as Snape picked Trevor the toad up. He dripped a small spoonful into Trevor’s mouth and when the toad swallowed, he turned into a tiny tadpole in Snape’s hand.

Snape’s face was sour as he dripped another potion from his robes onto Trevor and Trevor returned to a regular-sized toad again.

“Five points from Gryffindor,” Snape said. “I told you not to help him, Miss Granger. Class dismissed.”

Harry shoved his things into his bag and helped Neville clean up the potion. He, Neville, Ron, and Hermione climbed the steps back up to the entrance hall.

As soon as they were out of the dungeons, Ron said, “Five points from Gryffindor because the potion was alright!”

“Snape’s a jerk,” Harry agreed. “How’s Trevor?” he asked Neville.

“Alright, I think,” Neville said, and put Trevor back into his pocket. “I’m sorry I got you in trouble, Hermione —”

But when they turned around, Hermione wasn’t there.

“Where’d she go?” Ron asked. “She was right behind us.”

But the only people coming up the steps were Malfoy and his cronies.

“How’s your toad, Longbottom?” Malfoy sneered. “Good thing you have Granger around to do your potions for you. Expect her to stop Regulus Black for you, too?”

Neville went very pale and Harry stood between him and Draco. Ron did the same.

“Back off, Malfoy. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry said.

Malfoy’s eyes glittered. “No? So, I take it Longbottom’s going to catch Black single-handedly, then? Are you going to help? Don’t you think you’d just pass out at the sight of a dementor?”

“You don’t know anything, Malfoy,” Neville said suddenly.

Malfoy scowled at Neville. “I know enough to know that if Regulus Black did to my family what he did to yours, I’d have gone after him myself by now. I wouldn’t be hiding in the castle like a —”

They never found out what Malfoy was going to call Neville, because he was cut off by a gasp that sounded like Hermione. Ron, Neville, and Harry, pushed past Malfoy and found Hermione at the bottom of the stairs, bag ripped open, and books spilled out on the stone floor.

Harry, Ron, and Neville helped her pick them up. Ron turned over a particularly large Ancient Runes book to look at the cover.

“Why do you have all these books?” he asked.

“You know how many subjects I’m taking,” she said as she mended the seam on her bag.

“But it’s only Defense Against the Dark Arts this afternoon.”

“Oh, yes,” she said and took her books from Neville. “I hope there’s something good for lunch. I’m starving.”

—————————— ✶✶✶——————————

When the Gryffindor students showed up for Defense Against the Dark Arts, their teacher wasn’t present. The students sat down and took out their parchment and quills. Harry realized he hadn’t seen Uncle Remus at lunch, and he wondered if Remus had slept in late.

But Remus was only a few minutes late, and Harry was relieved to see how much better he looked today than he had on the train.

“Good afternoon,” Professor Lupin said. “Go ahead and put your books away. Today’s lesson will be practical.”

The class packed away their books excitedly. They’d never had a practical lesson, even with Professor Potter. The closest they’d come was Professor Lockhart’s pixie disaster last year, in which Ron’s wand had broken.

Neville and Pavarti seemed appropriately nervous. Seamus and Dean, however, followed Professor Lupin out of the classroom eagerly. Harry was right behind them.

Professor Lupin took the class down a deserted corridor and then around a corner. They came across Peeves the Poltergeist, stuffing chewing gum into a locked door. Then the ghost took note of Lupin and blew a loud, wet raspberry at him.

“Loony, loopy Lupin,” Peeves sang loudly. “Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin.”

Harry, who had grown up with his father and Sirius jumping to Remus’s defense over everything, felt incredibly angry with Peeves. If James had heard anyone call Remus “loony” there would have been an all-out brawl. And then Remus would have chided him for making a scene. Harry wondered if Peeves knew Remus’s secret. He wondered if Remus was nervous about it at all.

But Uncle Remus was still smiling at Peeves and said, “I’d take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves. Mr. Filch won’t be able to get into his brooms.”

But Peeves only continued with his song. The only people Peeves listened to were the Bloody Baron, Professor Dumbledore, and on occasion, Professor McGonagall. Peeves never listened to even Snape, so it was no surprise that he ignored a request from Professor Lupin.

But Remus, still smiling, took out his wand. “Pay attention, class. This is a very useful spell.” He pointed his wand straight at Peeves and said, “Waddiwasi!”

The chewing gum bolted out of the keyhole and straight up Peeves’s nose. The class erupted into laughter.

Harry’d seen Sirius use that spell on his father once. His mother hadn’t been pleased to come home and find the kitchen torn apart.

“Cool, sir!” said Dean.

“Where’d you learn that?” asked Seamus.

“A good friend of mine invented it. Shall we proceed?” He tucked his wand back into his robes and led them further down the corridor, all the way to the staffroom. He opened the door and ushered them inside.

Harry had been in here once before, last year, when he’d come to tell the teachers what they’d learned about the Chamber of Secrets. The wardrobe he and Ron had hid in was in one corner, and at the table of mismatched chairs sat Snape. Snape did not look very pleased to see the class and stood.

“Leave the door open, Lupin. I’d rather not witness this.” When he reached the door, he paused and turned around. “Possibly no one’s warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear.”

Neville went red, and Harry watched something tighten in Remus’s jaw, but his smile didn’t waver.

“I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation, and I’m sure he will perform it admirably.”

Snape’s sneer sharpened, and Harry suddenly remembered his first year, when Sirius and Remus had mentioned some sort of history with his parents and Snape. He’d forgotten about it, because his mother had seemed to get along with Snape so well when she was here. But it all came back to him now, as Snape closed the door with a relatively loud bang.

“Now then,” said Remus, and he led the class to the old wardrobe Harry had hidden himself in just three months earlier. The wardrobe wobbled against the wall.

“Nothing to worry about,” Remus said as some students stepped backwards. “It’s only a boggart in there.”

Harry thought a boggart was definitely something to worry about. In fact, about half the class took another step away from the wardrobe. Even Harry thought this might be outside their ability to manage. He didn’t know why Uncle Remus was giving them this for their first day of class.

“Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces,” Remus explained. “Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks — I’ve even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock.”

Harry had heard that story. He’d been too young to remember it himself — only a few months old. The clock that he’d grown up with, chiming every hour and at odd intervals in-between, had become home to a boggart. The story got retold a lot because apparently Sirius had discovered it and refused to fight it. He’d held Harry in the kitchen while James, Lily, Remus, and their friend Peter finished off the boggart.

Harry was not particularly excited to fight anything Sirius was terrified of.

“Firstly,” Remus began, “What is a boggart?”

“A shape-shifter,” Hermione said. “It takes the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most.”

“Very good,” Remus said, and Hermione beamed. “So the moment I open that wardrobe, he’ll immediately become whatever each of us most fears. This means we have a huge advantage before we even start. Have you spotted it, Harry?”

Harry eyed the wardrobe warily. He tried to think of the story he’d heard from his parents, and how it compared to their situation now. “Er — because there are so many of us, it won’t know what shape it should be?”

“Precisely,” Remus said. “It’s always best to have company when you’re dealing with a boggart.”

He then explained to them how to use the spell necessary to fight the boggart. The class repeated, “Riddikulus,” until Remus was sure they had it right.

Then he called Neville forward. “The spell is the easy part, I’m afraid. This, Neville, is where you come in.”

Neville looked as white as he’d looked in Potions just hours earlier. Harry wondered if he should tell Remus that maybe Neville wasn’t the best person to single out in a classroom, but ultimately Harry trusted Remus, so he said nothing.

“First things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?”

Neville’s answer was so quiet, Remus bent down closer and said with a smile, “Didn’t catch that, Neville, sorry.”

In the barest whisper, Neville said, “Professor Snape.”

The class laughed. Even Remus looked amused. “I see. And, I believe you spent part of your summer with your grandmother this year?”

“Er — yes, but I don’t want the boggart to turn into her either.”

“No, of course not. I’d like to picture your grandmother’s clothes very clearly in your mind. Can you see them, Neville?”

“Er — yes.”

“When the boggart bursts out of the wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape. And you will raise your wand — like this — and say, ‘Riddikulus,’ and concentrate hard on your grandmother’s clothes. Can you do that?”

Neville nodded nervously.

“Alright then.” And Remus, with a flick of his wand, opened the door of the wardrobe.

Out stepped Professor Snape, a little taller than Harry remembered, nose a little larger — clearly the boggart was merely reflecting all the things about Snape that terrified Neville, including his intimidating glare.

Neville took a step backwards, wand arm shaking. “R-riddikulus!” he squeaked.

There was a loud crack and Snape stumbled. Suddenly, he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dress, an enormous hat with a stuffed vulture on top, and he carried a large, bright red purse.

The class erupted into laughter and the boggart paused, terribly confused.

“All of you,” Remus said, “picture what you fear most and find a way to make it comical. Parvati, your turn.”

Parvati stepped forward eagerly. The boggart turned to her and changed into a mummy, blood-stained and bandaged. She raised her arm and said, “Riddikulus!” and the mummy became tangled in its wrappings. It tripped and its head rolled off.

“Seamus, you next!” Snape called.

Harry watched Seamus turn a banshee silent and wondered what he should do about his boggart. His first thought, of course, was Lord Voldemort. He remembered the terror he’d felt facing the dark wizard when he was eleven, and again, at the age of twelve, destroying the diary. He thought maybe he could make a basilisk funny by replacing its fangs with false teeth, but he wasn’t sure the boggart would turn into a basilisk. How did he make Vol — but then he remembered the dementor, and the cold fear that had taken over him while he was on the train. He remembered the scream and the flashes of light. Harry had no idea how to fight that.

The boggart shifted quickly as each student stepped forward. Ron’s greatest fear was spiders, and Ron turned it into a spider without legs. The spider rolled towards Harry. He raised his wand, still not sure what he would change about a dementor to make it less terrifying, but Remus suddenly came between him and the boggart.

For a brief moment, the boggart became a silvery-white orb, then Remus said, “Riddikulus,” as easily as he might ask Lily to pass the salt.

There was a crack and Remus called Neville forward to finish the boggart off.

They had a brief, final glimpse of Snape in a lacy dress before Neville laughed and the boggart exploded into a smoke and was gone.

“Excellent,” Remus said. “Well done, everyone. Five points for every person to tackle the boggart — ten to Neville who did it twice… and five each to Hermione and Harry.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Harry said, a little put-out that Remus hadn’t let him fight the boggart.

“You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of class. Alright, everyone, kindly read the chapter on boggarts and summarize it for me. Hand it in at your next class. That will be all.”

The class gathered their things excitedly, but Harry was not quite as thrilled.

“Did you see me take that banshee!” Seamus shouted.

“And the hand,” Dean said eagerly.

“Snape in the hat,” laughed Pavarti.

“I wonder why Professor Lupin’s frightened of crystal balls?” asked Lavender as the class left.

Harry knew what that shining orb had been, and he was glad everyone else had misinterpreted it. He waited at the door for Remus instead of following his class.

“Uncle Remus,” he said.

Remus smiled at him, “Professor Lupin, Harry.”

“Er — yeah, sorry. I’ll adjust. I was just…. Why didn’t you let me fight the boggart?”

Remus laughed gently. “I thought it was obvious. I assumed it would turn into Lord Voldemort. I didn’t think Voldemort materializing in the staff room was a very good idea.”

“Er — no, I suppose not.” Harry wondered if he should tell Remus that it wasn’t Voldemort he was so terrified of, but the dementors instead. He was still ashamed of passing out on the train, and he didn’t want Remus to think he was afraid of anything, really.

“I believe you have a History of Magic class to get to? And I have some first years to instruct. We can talk more about this later, Harry.”

“Okay, yeah.” Harry picked up his bag, not feeling much better.

As Harry and Remus walked to their respective classrooms, Remus paused before they split corridors and asked, “Before you go — was Draco Malfoy in class this morning?”

“Yeah. He was particularly mean to Neville about Regulus Black being spotted. Why? Can you give him detention for me?”

Remus laughed. “I will do my absolute best to. I’m just glad Madam Pomfrey got him all fixed up.”

“It was just a cut. Buckbeak wasn’t trying to hurt him. Malfoy just wasn’t listening —”

“I believe you. However, Draco reminds me of his father in some ways, and I couldn’t help remembering — Ah, we’re both late now, and I shouldn’t be making a habit of this. Go on. I’ll see you soon.”

Harry had never left a conversation so confused and bewildered, and still disappointed he didn’t get the chance to prove himself with the boggart.

[hellspace-of-random]

The Ashwinder of '71

Slughorn never dared go against McGonagall when it came to student pairings, all but once in 1971.

Despite all McGonagall's desperate warnings, he let James and Sirius pair up in Potions.

They ended up dripping some potion into the fire they used to boil it and a silvery snake with glowing red eyes had escaped unnoticed.

An Ashwinder.

Remus had spotted the trail of ash and the glowing red eggs and yelled, "EVERYONE, LOOK OUT! ASH-"

He was interrupted by another student shrieking because the ashwinder had chosen to lay its eggs nearby and as we know, the eggs will ignite.

Sighing, Remus muttered, "-winder."

The fire wasn't put out until a very annoyed McGonagall came down to see what all the fuss was about, by which point half the dungeon had been burnt down.

And unfortunately for James and Sirius, the fire had completely failed to disguise the tracks of ash, and they had been sitting at the back, so the students running for their lives hadn't affected it either.

Class had technically been over by then, but many students stayed to watch a furious McGonagall yell at Slughorn.

"FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN, YOU COULDN'T HAVE PUT IT OUT WITH AQUAMENTI?! NEVER BEFORE IN ALL MY YEARS- DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING HORACE! I'M NOT GOING TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, BUT I TOLD YOU SO!!"

James and Sirius, of course, got detention, and argued for weeks on end over whose fault it was after Remus explained why it was their fault an Ashwinder had wound up in the classroom.

"You were supposed to watch the fire!" Sirius yelled.

"Me?! You were the one asking me to help you out!" James gaped at me.

"Help me out?! You shoved me aside and told me I was doing it wrong!" Sirius folded his arms.

"But you were! It was going to explode!" James waved his hands around wildly.

"And how would you know?!"

"My dad is a master at potions! He invented one!"

"And that guarantees you're always right when it comes to potions?!"

"Yes, yes it does! He taught me!"

"Well better explode than burn everything down!"

And on and on it went until Remus, at breakfast, blew up and stormed out of the Great Hall because he was sick of both of them yelling at each other and the full moon was nearing.

James and Sirius gained a new respect for Remus Lupin, the kid they had always thought of a typical goody two shoes that day, while Peter became rather frightened of him, because he had used a surprising range of swear words, both wizard and Muggle.

This incident is also the reason the Gryffindors in their year are so okay with their explosions because they burnt down the goddamn dungeons at age eleven we should be thanking the stars things didn't get any worse.