#Jackson Wang icons

[arrivalstuff]

♡ᵎ jackson icons ♡ᵎ

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[mykoreanlove]

You're sick

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What the actual fuck? Jackson took another puff of his cigarette before reaching for his drink again. She blocked me? She fucking blocked me?! He took another sip of the brown liquor, not even feeling the burn in this throat anymore. The only thing he felt was anger. His eyes were glued to the screen, still unable to process what has happened. How could you block me? I’m Jackson Wang from China for fuck’s sake. He took another long sip sadly accepting the fact that even his fame couldn’t guarantee him a shot at love.

You’re sick. Those were your final words to him. He replayed you saying that hundreds of times. You had that painful look in your reddened eyes, tears straining your flushed cheeks, breath stuck in your throat as you let go of him. Jackson spit out the nastiest things as his ego was taking a blow right there. He watched you pack your stuff and leave his apartment, leaving him for good.

At least you didn’t cheat on him. He smirked devilishly thinking that this was some kind of progress since the girl before you fooled him for weeks on end. But if he was honest with himself it didn’t feel like progress at all. It felt like heartbreak, like suffering, like a never-ending loneliness that has crept into his bones. At this point in his life those feelings felt like a part of him. You were right, he thought to himself, I am sick.

Jackson poured himself another glass as he was remembering the first few weeks he shared with you. He liked the excitement of becoming yours - being glued to his phone eagerly anticipating your texts became normal, having someone to share the highs and lows of his days with felt so natural and you giving him all of your attention made him feel so important.

He adored the passion you elicited in him – staying up most nights to explore your body thrilled him, being the one fucking you brainless turned him on endlessly and cuddling you to sleep while stealing sweet kisses made him domestic.

He loved forming a true connection with you - opening up about his struggles was easy since you’ve always been so empathetic, holding you in his arms under the stars while planning the future seemed logical and falling in love was inevitable, especially for someone as love-addicted as Jackson.

This sweet feeling of love took over his whole being which made him noticeably happier. Jackson finally felt like he was appreciated for who he was as a man and not for being an artist. He didn’t even care that he had to slow down his career, so that he could spend more time with you. He didn’t care about music sales, brand deals or future career options – all he cared about was you.

Until he didn’t.

His mind got pestered with doubts, anxiety clouding his every thought. What if this was too good to be true? What if you left him in the end? What if relationships weren’t just his thing? Could he really neglect his career for you? After all, his career would never wake up and abandon him one day…

Jackson felt himself slipping into old patterns. This was no longer the confident man that you fell for but a coward that shied away from love and gave into fear. Unable to stop his inner demons, he gave into them, turning into a self-sabotaging monster once again. Better hurting you than getting hurt himself, right?

He gulped down the remains of the liquor and let out a desperate sigh. Why did I do this? Why am I so stupid? He ran his hand through his blonde hair, tugging on it as if self-harm would ease his self-inflected pain. He thought about the downfall of your relationship: Joyful calls turned into silence, sweet acts of love turned into egocentric ignorance and soulful connection turned into manipulation. This was no longer a blooming relationship; this was him having his way with you. He controlled you by giving you love if he needed it and tossed you aside if you came too close to him. Jackson often wondered how long you’d play this game with him, how much it took to break you. Turns out that fucking his dancer in front of you did the trick. Crying and arguing got replaced with your silence – this was you being done with him. This was him being left with his sickness – once again.

[hrrys6]

[got7softbot]

jackson moodboard ❤️🖤

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[sailorjisunq]

magic man

[sevenverses]

ㅤ  ،، got7 fancon headers

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[voelicons]

Jackson - layout - like or reblog if u save/use!

[so-w]

She's a cheetah, grown man-eater . . .

[xhannie]

 랑     ⎯⎯     ✿   𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄   ꒱   💭   𝗹ιkᥱ 𝗼r 𝗿ᥱbᥣog ！

     ♥︎   사   𝗱oᥒ’t  𝗿ᥱρost   어  🐚  ﹏   niamhclub

[nevermindcherry]

[embracethedits]

jackson wang - icons

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[kpopicoxns]

[mykoreanlove]

Conversations with love

“Jackson buddy, you okay?”

Jackson missed the same beat for the third time in a row, dance rehearsal was kicking his ass today. He was not okay, but he did not want to show it. He clutched his hands over his head and apologized to his dancers, offering to redo the choreography once more. He tried his best to concentrate for the rest of practice, but his mind was too clouded with thoughts of you.

He sunk down in his chair overlooking the nocturnal skyline out of his fancy hotel room. He dreaded being alone in hotel rooms, his mind always taking him to the darkest places when he was alone and afraid. Over time he learned to ask for help in those moments, but he still felt weak doing so. Jackson fumbled with his phone until he decided to neglect his pride and ask for help once more. The phone rang – once, twice, thrice. He was about to hang up when he heard the breathless voice at the other end: “Hello? Jackson? Sorry buddy, I almost missed your call. Memorizing scripts is a special kind of pain.”

Jackson chuckled while noticing how much he had missed his friend. Even though he was always surrounded by folks and their comforting ears, he only trusted a handful of people. His profession made opening up incredibly difficult, any vulnerability could be used against him at any moment. That’s why he was beyond grateful for his friend. Him being in the same industry made things a lot easier but it was his sincerity that touched Jackson’s heart the most. Whereas many people kissed his ass in order to be favored, his friend always kept it real with him – even if that hurt Jackson at times.

“Jinyoung, thank you for picking up your phone. I’m sure those drama preparations are brutal?” The man on the other end of the line instantly noticed that Jackson had to be in trouble. Not beating around the bush, he confronted him right away. “What’s going on?”

Jackson took a deep breath. “Do you remember Y/N?”

Of course, he did. Jinyoung was very attentive to the people he cared about. However, he was not toying with Jackson’s nerves right now. He knew that Jackson had bad luck in love, always encountering another woman that broke his heart.

“I think we are about to break up. Or rather, she’s about to dump me.”

“What makes you think that?” Jackson explained the situation calmly without spilling too much details, but it was evident that he was suffering from abandonment issues, fearing the worst before anything had even happened.

“Jinyoung, do you believe I’m cursed? Like, love hates me or something? If I could I would ask love directly. I-”, he looked up at the ceiling of his room and screamed, “hey love, do you hate me? Why do you make me suffer so much?”

 It took Jinyoung a minute to think about his answer – the desire to console Jackson as well as being sincere with him was not an easy feat.

“Jackson, do you believe in the devil?” He was taken aback by that question. “The devil? I don’t know, I mean I do believe in God. I guess I kinda believe in the devil, too? Why are you asking me about the devil?”

“People always think that the devil is some guy with thorns, dressed in red, lingering in hell waiting for them. And that’s the biggest pile of crap if you ask me. Do you want to know where the real devil lives? Within them. Within me and within you. And you wanna know what the real devil is? It’s your fear.” Jackson remained silent. He had no idea where his friend was going with this, but he decided to listen and think, because he had the utmost trust in Jinyoung’s wisdom.

“Let’s pretend I am love for a minute. I’m here and you’re asking me why you suffer so much when it comes to relationships, right? You know what I would say? It’s because you choose to.” Jackson felt his heart beating faster, feeling panicky at this revelation. He stuttered a silent reply: “Because I choose to?”

“Think about it. Think in terms of love and fear – if only those two sides existed, whose side are you on more often?” Jackson’s ego started to interfere – of course he was on love’s side! How dare he even ask? With an agitated voice he answered: “Of course, I am on love’s side. I want love, I love love! But love chooses to not choose me!” Jinyoung knew he had struck a nerve with this accusation. He hoped that his friend remained open enough to listen to him, to consider the depth his words held for him.

“Jackson, I love you. And that’s why I’m being honest with you. You are not on the side of love. I hate to break it to you, but you’re married to the devil in your head.”

Jackson got up and sprinted to the mini bar – he was in desperate need of a drink. The line was silent while he poured the burning liquid, hoping that it would ease his mind. “Listen, I don’t want to get defensive but that’s kind of a lot to ask of me right now. Can you… can you explain what you mean by that?”

Jinyoung let out the breath he did not know he had held in. Relieved he continued: “What happens when you meet someone? It’s all great for some time but then you get into your head, feeding your worst fears, don’t you? What if she leaves me? What if she breaks my heart? What if she’s a cheater? What if I’m not enough? What if this, what if that – isn’t that how it always goes? You feel like love has left you but in fact you left love first. You danced with the devil, seduced by its sneaky remarks, you gave into that. And then you over-fixate on those girls. Just look at Y/N, right now. She texts you less? She is not as attentive as she was in the beginning? Love would tell you to love her anyway and be patient – maybe she’s going through some stuff and isn’t comfortable with sharing just yet? Or she’s busy and needs some time for herself? Fear however would convince you that she must be fucking someone else. Fear would tell you that she only used you because of your fame. Fear would tell you that no woman could ever love you for you. Isn’t that right?”

Jackson started crying but didn’t notice, he was too much engulfed in Jinyoung’s revelations about him. Up until today he believed that he was a lover, someone that craved love and loved freely in return but now he understood that he was far from that. He once read a quote in one of the countless books Jinyoung had sent him over the years that went like this: Only the loving find love.

Was it loving to always assume the worst? Was it loving to only love others when they behaved the way he wanted them to? Was it loving to them? Or to him? Or to love itself? He felt nauseous, he was disgusted with himself. Jinyoung was right, he was married to the devil.

“Can I ask for a divorce?”

Jinyoung laughed whole-heartedly while covering his mouth with his hand – old habits die hard. “I think love would really like that. She’s been waiting for your comeback for a while now.”

Jackson smiled warmly even though his heart felt heavy. “Jinyoung, where do I start?”

“You start by loving yourself first. Do you know why the devil always gets you with those sneaky remarks? Because they’re yours. He takes your fears and uses them against you. And what is fear? It’s just a story. Just a story that you very strongly believe in.”

“Doesn’t feel like a story to me though”, Jackson scoffed while pouring another drink. “Yeah, I know. To you, it feels very real because it’s what you’ve known your whole life. Remember what I said about choosing? Now you choose better, now you choose love, now you choose you. And it’s gonna take some time and be a lot of work but I know you, you are a diligent worker and will master this. You’re Jackson Wang, remember?”

Jackson smiled silently, watching the moon and the stars illuminating the night for him. He looked up at the ceiling again, imagining that love was looking down at him, nodding her head and confirming everything Jinyoung had just said. “Loving myself”, he murmured under his breath. “I think I’m gonna need a follow up on this. Can I… can I call you again and we talk it out more?”

Now it was Jinyoung who was smiling warmly: “Yes Jackson, we can. I’ll send you some books, too. Read them and we’ll talk once you’re done.” Jackson thanked his friend again and hung up, feeling strangely calm. He knew he had work to do, he knew he had to change his devilish ways and for once he was not afraid of love leaving him again. For once, he found it within himself. 

[eightteez]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ɢᴏᴛ7 ɪᴄᴏɴꜱ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴏʀ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

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[sailorjisunq]

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