#Jack for being worried about what B wants with Tim but also like the whole abuse and neglect thing

[zomb-rabbit]

FOLLOWER CELEBRATION TIME !!!!

you guys have shown me soso much support and it really means the whole world to me, and i wanna show y'all that with my writing !!

i'm gonna be opening up requests for NSFW / romantic / platonic alphabets, romantic / platonic matchups, and songs for characters!! this is gonna be a longer post, so all of the specifics are under the cut :)

also, i'll of course still be taking normal requests, but while these are open they'll be the priority for me to get to :)

Who's available for requests?

EverymanHYBRID

HABIT

Evan Myers

Marble Hornets

Tim Wright

Masky

Brian Thomas

Hoodie

Jessica Locke (fem/gn reader only)

Creepypasta

Toby Rogers

Eyeless Jack

Jeff the Killer

Jane the Killer (fem/gn reader only)

Nina the Killer

Clockwork (fem/gn reader only)

BEN

Overwatch

Cole Cassidy

Ashe

Reaper / Gabriel Reyes

Soldier: 76 / Jack Morrison (masc/gn reader only)

(this includes the Blackwatch and Deadlock eras! just lemme know, without specifics I'll assume it's current era)

Songs for characters ;

a song for how i think a character would react/feel about certain things! being in love, their thoughts on themselves, things like that :) i'd be posting a song link, specific lyrics i think really match with what's being asked, and an explanation/break down on how it relates.

Romantic / platonic matchups ;

give me a rundown of who you are, if you want it to be romantic, platonic (or both), and i'll match you up with someone :) quick physical, personality and partner preference/needs descriptions would be great, the fandoms you want, and anything else you'd want me to know would be great !! if you'd want a basic template, i have this one right here !!

NSFW / romantic / platonic alphabets ;

you can ask for a full alphabet, or just specific letters, for characters :) all three are down below if you wanna get a feel for them before you request

PLATONIC

A = Adventures, what kind of crazy shit would you get into together?

B = Bond, what kind of - platonic, obviously - relationship do you have with each other?

C = Cuddling, do you ever cuddle? how physically affectionate are you?

D = Dance, do you ever dance together? how?

E = Enemies, were you ever enemies? Do you share the same enemies?

F = Fight, how often do you fight? how do you resolve conflict?

G = Gain, how have you helped each other improve as people?

H = Help, how do they ask you for help? how do they help you when you need it?

I = Injured/Ill, how would they act if you got hurt or sick?

J = Jokes, what’s their sense of humor like? how do you joke about things together?

K = Kisses, do you ever kiss? how? Kisses not on the lips count

L = Love, how do they show you they care?

M = Meeting, how did you meet? how did you become friends?

N = Nesting, do you co-habitate at all? how?

O = Oasis, is there a specific place that is “your place”? what is it?

P = Protection, how protective are they over you?

Q = Query, how inquisitive are they when it comes to getting to know you?

R = Record, what’s something you’ll never let them live down?

S = Support, how would they show their support for you? how far would that support go?

T = Trust, how much do they trust you? how do they show you that?

U = Uplift, how do you bring each other up?

V = Vacation, do you ever travel together? what’s that like?

W = Worry, do they worry about you? how often?

X = Xerox, are there any traits or habits of theirs that you’ve picked up by accident?

Y = Yahoo, what’s an inside joke you share?

Z = Zany, do they have a weird side only you get to see? what’s it like?

ROMANTIC

A = Attention, how much attention do they want in the relationship?

B = Baby, do they want a family? Why/why not?

C = Cuddle, do they like to cuddle and show affection? How?

D = Dates, what are dates with them like? What do they like to do? 

E = Equal, do they prefer to be more dominant or submissive in the relationship?

F = Fights, how do they handle arguments? How quick are they to forgive?

G = Gratitude, how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them? 

H = Honesty, are they honest with their s/o? How important is it to them in a relationship? 

I = Insight, how easy is it for them to read their partner? (Mood, thoughts, etc.)

J = Jealousy, do they get jealous? If so, how easily? How do they deal with it?

K = Kiss, what are their kisses like? Who kissed who first?

L = Love, who said “I love you” first? How often do they say it? When did they realize they were in love?

M = Marriage, do they want to get married? How long do they have to be in the relationship beforehand? What would the marriage be like? 

N = Nickname, what are the nicknames they have for their s/o? Do they like when their s/o uses nicknames?

O = Open, how long does it take for them to open up to their s/o?

P = PDA, how do they feel about public displays of affection? What kind of PDA do they show?

Q = Quality Time, what do they like to do for quality time with their s/o?

R = Reunion, how do they react after being apart from their s/o? How do they cope when they’re away?

S = Sad, how do they cheer their s/o up when they are feeling down? How do they like to be cheered up?

T = Thrill, do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine? 

U = Understanding, how well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

V = Value, how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?

W = Wild Card, a random relationship headcanon

X = Explicit, a NSFW headcanon

Y = Your Name, if they did get married to their s/o, who would take whose last name?

Z = Zz, how do they like to sleep with their partner? What time do they like to go to sleep/wake up, ideally?

NSFW

A = Aftercare, what they’re like after sex

B = Body part, their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s

C = Cum, anything to do with cum, basically

D = Dirty secret, pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs

E = Experience, how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

F = Favorite position, this goes without saying

G = Goofy, are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.

H = Hair, how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.

I = Intimacy, how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect

J = Jack off, masturbation headcanon

K = Kink, one or more of their kinks

L = Location, favorite places to do they do

M = Motivation, what turns them on, gets them going

N = No, something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs

O = Oral, preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.

P = Pace, are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.

Q = Quickie, their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.

R = Risk, are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.

S = Stamina, how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?

T = Toys, do they own toys or use them on a partner or themselves?

U = Unfair, how much they like to tease

V = Volume, how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.

W = Wild card, a random headcanon for the character

X = X-ray, let’s see what’s going on under those clothes

Y = Yearning, how high is their sex drive?

Z = Zzz, how quickly do they fall asleep afterward?

[redrobin-detective]

Strike

When Jack Drake stormed up to the top floor of Wayne Enterprises, prepared to kick and scream his way back to the big man himself, he hadn’t expected the secretary to announce that Bruce Wayne had been waiting for him. It floundered him for a moment but then he remembered why he was here and clenched his bruised knuckles and burst into the room. He was almost pleased to see Wayne hunched over his desk, glaring at him with a dark expression. Jack had come looking for a fight and it seemed like he was going to get one.

“Wayne,” Jack ground out, almost but not quite slamming the door behind him.

“Jack,” Wayne said evenly but his steely gaze never left Jack. If he were a smaller man, he’d be almost intimidated. Jack read the papers, heard the gossip, Bruce Wayne was nice enough but with a brain made of cotton. The ice blue eyes boring holes into his head now felt a helluva lot sharper than fluff. “You’re here about Tim.”

“You’re damn right I am!” Jack shouted, not taking the available chair and slamming his palms down on Wayne’s fancy desk. “My boy confessed to me last night what you’ve been doing to him,” one of Wayne’s eyebrows twitched. “I was trying to teach him to drive last night and do you know what I found? He already knows how because you taught him! You’ve been mentoring him, buttering him up and turning him against his own family for goddamn years now!”

“Tim came to me,” Wayne said curtly, frowning harder than before. 

“Oh so that makes it alright?” Jack barked a laugh before sneering. “Tim is 16 so how old was he when he ‘came to you’ as you say? 14? 12? younger? Don’t think I haven’t heard the rumors over the years about what you did with those street kids in that big, isolated house of yours.” If Wayne’s eyes were ice before now they were practically glacial now. 

“But unlike those poor street urchins, one of whom is dead now in some freak accident you never really explained, my boy has a family and connections. Drake Industries has significant assets and I’ll be damned if you schmooze them away from my son!”

“Your son, who you and your wife left for weeks at a time while on expeditions,” Wayne said, words scraping like glass. “Your son who came to me time and again for concerns, questions, support when you were unavailable due to your other interests.” Wayne snarled a bit, showing the barest flash of teeth that absolutely did not send a chill down Jack’s spine. “Your son, who is brave and brilliant and so strong, called me practically in tears last night about your fight. The fight in which you took a swing at him, a strike that would have connected if I hadn’t taught him how to defend himself.”

No longer content with brooding at the desk, Wayne stood up to his full height and seemed to loom over Jack.

“Let me lay out some facts for you, Mr. Drake,” Wayne said slowly. “I have more than enough evidence of emotional abuse and neglect gathered over the years, not even accounting for last night’s attempt at physical abuse. The only reason the boy remains in your care is because he wants to be there, because he loves you and wants a relationship with you. But his love and loyalty is not enough to justify me turning a blind eye any more.”

“I-it was an accident, I’d had too much to drink,” Jack stammered, defensive. “I was angry and-and Tim wasn’t acting like himself, he was talking back and being rude... I didn’t realize I’d thrown the punch until Tim deflected it, thank god.” His arms still stung from the force of Tim’s defending blow. He’d wondered at the time where Tim had learned such things. Now he didn’t have to wonder too hard.

“One thing we have in common Jack is we both deeply care for Tim. He is not my child of blood, just as Dick and Jason aren’t but make no mistake, Timothy is mine as much as he is yours.” Wayne growled out possessively before abruptly turning to look out his window. “I’m not accustomed to sharing my boys but you deserve the truth.” 

“I owe him my life. I was in a bad place after the death of Jason, at 13 Tim knocked on my door with a beat-up jacket and a camera and asked how he could help me recover.” The man chuckled and Jack could read years of fond affection in that tone. He doesn’t know what jacket the man was talking about nor did he even know Tim liked photography. As during his fight with Tim last night, he’s realizing he doesn’t know his son much at all. Not like Wayne does. 

“Tim works for me, unofficially,” Wayne added on carefully, as if choosing his words. “He’s not on any payroll though I do pay for all his expenses. He helps me with my charitable endeavors, helping me identify areas of need in the city as well as running the business. If he does choose to take over Drake Industries then it will be in good hands. He’s,” another soft chuckle, “he’s a real wonder boy that one.”

“Is that where he’s always sneaking off to?” Jack asked, finally sinking into the chair. “I thought he was boozing or chasing after girls, you know, what I used to do when I was a kid his age.”

“Tim chases after a different sort,” Wayne said enigmatically. He finally turned back, his eyes still sharp but softened somewhat. Softened by the memory of Jack’s son and the relationship they’d had under his nose. Dana commented how independent Tim was for his age, Jack took it as a matter of pride having raised such a good kid. Now he’s realizing he didn’t have much to do with the man Tim is becoming. 

“So here is how things are going to go,” Wayne said, back to business. “Dick is going to drop Tim off at your place after school, probably after stopping for a snack. Richard does love to spoil his little brother,” Wayne stated, not asked. “I am cancelling all of Tim’s duties for the weekend, giving you two a chance to spend some time together. I will do my best to be up front when I need Tim, make sure it doesn’t interfere too much with his school and sleep schedule. As I said, I am not accustomed to sharing but I am willing to do anything for one of my boys. And in return,” the glacial glare comes back. “You will take good care of your son and if I even suspect any emotional or physical abuse then I will rake you across the coals. Are we clear, Jack?”

“Crystal,” Jack swallowed, clutching the sides of his chair. This was the man who tripped on the red carpet last winter?

“This is strike one,” Wayne said casually. “In baseball you are given three strikes but Tim deserves better than that. You do not want to see what happens with strike two.” The tension in the room peaked then crashed like an ocean wave as Wayne’s stance softened and he went about adjusting his cufflinks. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my next appointment will be arriving soon. We’ll be in touch.”

“Right, yeah, thanks for agreeing to see me,” Jack murmured as he stood up and went for the door.

“And Jack?” he winced and turned to Wayne again who was once again seated. He was looking at a photo on his desk, Jack couldn’t tell who was in it, maybe Tim. Jack had never had any photos of Tim on his desk. “Tim always has a place at my home should your other responsibilities become too much. His room is ready and waiting for him.” Wayne threatened, promised with a soft smile. “I’d say to tell Tim that but he already knows. Have a good day, Jack.”

Jack staggered out of the office, passing by a pretty redheaded woman in a wheelchair as she entered Wayne’s office. He didn’t remember much of the elevator ride down or meandering through the busy lobby. Jack did stand outside Wayne Enterprises for a while after, just thinking. He’d here planning on telling the smarmy rich sponge to stop influencing his son. He hadn’t expected the pit sucking realization that Tim was barely his son anymore, that only their shared name, widows peak and crooked ears connected them. In the time he hadn’t been watching, Tim had become another man’s son. 

And that man wasn’t going to let Tim slip away like Jack had.

[fatbottombucky]

A Stark Is Born *Prequel to That’s Stark’s Boy*

Summary: Peter listens to the story about how your parents met and the story of why you stopped contact with Tony. 

Grace Hart is an up and coming Agent to the FBI, although mostly on desk duty due to not following instructions, she’s on a mission to protect the most sort after man. Tony Stark, recently taking over his dad’s company, Stark makes it difficult for Grace to keep him safe. A story about how true love, but how loving each other is easier when they aren’t together. 

Pairings: Tony Stark x Grace Hart (Miss Congeniality OC!) & Peter Parker x Male!Reader & Tony Stark x Pepper Potts

Warnings: Swear words, violence and drinking. It’s Angst, but fluff too. Sex is mentioned, obviously. But I’m not writing smut for this. 

Word Count: 2236

Authors Note: Sandra Bullock is in no way how YOU should picture the mom. She’s simply an OC I created, the mom is a mixture of a bunch of Sandra Bullock characters, and I’m using the actress as INSPIRATION. You do NOT have to picture her as Sandy B, but she is an OC and therefore I will be using the name Grace for her, you’re free to place another name for the mother. It’s the same with all my fics, I leave it open to interpretation. I only use gifs as inspo and decoration, they’re not meant to depict how the reader/ the mother should look like. 

Next chapter will be posted Thursday17th 8pm GMT - come to this blog as I won’t be able to link for future chapters / I’ll be creating a masterlist for the prequel also, so don’t worry, you’ll be able to find every chapter on my masterlist

Chapter One/ Six

“Agent Hart,” Jack Traven voice calls through the office, “Chief wants you.”

He pats the young female’s shoulder as he passes, giving her a sympathetic smile as he sits at his own desk. Grace heaves a sigh, pushing herself up from her own desk and pursing her lips as she walks towards the chief’s office. This wasn’t the first time she’d been called, nor would it be the last either. She had a thing for not following the rule book, sometimes tossing it out and struggled to follow orders; it’s why she’s never led a case.

She knocks a few times, hearing the faint gruff of her superior’s voice to come in. A few seconds of pep-talk before she opens the door, she’s met with a few faces, only one that she recognises- and that’s her boss.

“You wanted to see me, sir?” Grace asked and stood with her hands clasped behind her back, hair pulled back into a low ponytail but she still managed to miss a few pieces that framed her face.

“I know I’ve put you on desk duty because of your last… instruction issue,” McDonald explains, “but I have an assignment, a very important one. It requires one of the best and since Matthews is on holiday, you’ll be on this one.” Grace nods once, “a very important male has been receiving disturbing letters these past few months, I’ve got the Intelligence team downstairs looking them over, they seem to be getting progressively more violent.”

Grace raises an eyebrow, “So a celebrity has a stalker, how is this an FBI issue?”

“It’s a top-secret operation,” McDonald's informs Hart, who instantly perks up. “We have suspicion to believe that whoever is sending these letter is planning on killing the victim, we’ve been informed that one of his helicopters suddenly lost engine power… then exploded.”

Grace nods, “And you want me to take point on this? Find out who’s behind the letter-”

“Nope,” he shakes his head, “you’re going to be protecting the victim, that’s all you’ll do. I have a team put together to figure out who this is, we just need someone to be with them at all times. Keep them alive and safe,” McDonald nods to the two other men, Hart only now acknowledges them. “Happy Hogan and James Rhodes have requested FBI officials.”

Grace instantly deflates, babysitting duty, great. Not. No one wants to follow some suit around and make sure he’s well and truly safe, they have money to get those types of people without using government-funded officials.  

“Who is it?”

“It’s Anthony Stark,” Grace already starts to shake her head. “After the unexpected death of his parents, he has reason to be jumpy. His dad had a lot of enemies too, a lot of people trying to claim the Stark Industries from under the young heir of Howard. This could be serious, he needs protection and you’re not doing anything important around here.”

“No way,” Grace scoffs and crosses her arms. “I’ve seen Stark, he’s an egotistical, playboy asshole and he has enough money to hire bodyguards.”

“Actually,” one of the men piped up, “We can’t trust anyone but the FBI. We recently found out someone we hired was in on the operation to take Stark down, we believe it’s a man that posed as Tim Robbins. This is our last resort, so to speak.”

Grace looked at her boss and sighed, “I have no say in this, do I?” he shakes his head, “when do I start?”

**

“He won’t accept any hired help,” Rhodes explained to Grace, who nodded as the car drove them to wherever Stark would be. “His usual help, Miss Potts-”

Grace snorted, “What is he the prince from Beauty and the Beast?” she carried on snorting loudly, laughing at her own joke till she calmed herself down.

“Okay,” James mutters, “Anyway, she’s on paid leave. Visiting some family, he needs a stand-in. A personal assistant, you’ll have access to his whole timetable and with him at all times. We’ve just gotta make sure he’ll hire you.”

“Great, so not only do I have to babysit this adult. He refuses to accept any actual help, so I’ve also got to run his errands for him as I potentially stop him from getting assassinated?” Grace asked James with a raised eyebrow.

Happy Hogan, who is head security detail for Stark and used to be his personal driver, let’s out a small chuckle from the driver's seat. He looks in the mirror, to Grace, and only nods his head with a sympathetic smile.

“Do you own any dresses?” Happy calls from the front of the car.

“No,” Grace scoffs and raises her eyebrows at them, “Why do I need a dress?”

“You’ll need to look the part, Miss Hart.” Happy tells her and then focuses back on the road ahead.

Grace groans and slouches in her seat, gnawing on her bottom lip as she hopelessly sits in the back of the SUV. Wondering why and how she got into this mess, she should’ve handed her badge and gun over, could’ve taken the offered vacation. Yet, you’re a workaholic and did this to yourself, Grace.

“Okay, you know what? Drop me off home, send me a text of Tony’s favourite coffee and his DD tomorrow,” Happy frowns, “Designated Destination.” Grace rolls her eyes slightly like he should’ve known that anyway.

Happy and James drop her off, telling her Tony’s morning schedule for tomorrow. Leaving the young woman to go into her apartment and do the only she can; tape her hands and start venting her frustration out on her punching bag.

The corny RnB song plays loudly through the stereo as she works up a sweat, the sweat drips down her face and stings her eyes. By now she expected to be top of her game, yet she’s hardly playing with the team now, always on the bench because she can’t follow simple instructions. Her parents always told her to throw out the rule book, to live a little, but it seemed that always got her in trouble.

She turned the stereo off and picked up the phone, dialling the number of the only person she knew could help her, that would listen to her and tell her what she needed to hear.

“Hi, Mr Wong, it’s Grace Hart. I need one No. 13, two No. 7’s and I need three No. 8’s, no garlic.” She pauses for a moment, “yes, for one. Always for one. Can you throw in a No. 23, thank you. See you in 15 minutes,” she slapped the phone back on the receiver and sighed heavily.

Tomorrow she’d have to start her job, well her two jobs; saving and protecting Tony Stark and being his personal assistant till he is safe.

*Next Day*

Grace ran through the crowded New York street, almost spilling and tripping up several times. The long maxi, rather flowy, skirt kept causing her to stumble and tumble into people and buildings. The shoes weren’t a big help either, the flat sandals kept skidding and slipping, yet they are fashionable- by Grace’s standards.

Grace caught sight of Tony and Happy exiting the building where Stark Industries meetings are held, both in deep conversation and surrounded by a few journalists. Grace waved frantically to Happy, who raised his eyebrows at the poorly dressed woman, chuckling when she starts to yell at a cab that almost hit her.

“Mr Stark,” Grace pushes past Happy and stumbles up to the billionaire, handing him his coffee and shoving some papers into the other hand. “I’m Grace Hart, a pleasure to meet you. Miss Potts told me your schedule and what coffee you like,” she steps quickly to keep up with his fast pace.

Watching as he takes a small sip and nodding in appreciation, he glances over the papers in his hands. Her resume that she bullshitted early hours of the morning and frantically printed at the library, a cover letter that wrote up that had a forged signature of a George Wade- who she has never met and hopes Tony doesn't know.

Despite the headband pushing her hair back, it still manages to get into her face as she follows both men. “She recommended me, hoped you’d take me on whilst she’s away. I’ve looked over your schedule and I’m willing to work, to start right now.”

Tony stops at the car, pulling the glasses that cover his face off and eyeing her up and down. Grace frowns for a moment before he shrugs at Happy, stepping into the car, Happy nods for her to follow and she quickly dives in with a heaved sigh.

It’s silent, so Grace quickly fills it. “I live on the lower east side, so it’ll take me a while to get to your place in the morning. That’s if… I’ve got the job?”

Tony smiles, “Yes, you have the job. But I want something else from you.”

Grace chortles incredulously, “Oh, no. I am fully aware of your reputation and there’s no way you’re getting… that. No.”

Tony raises an eyebrow, not looking offended but rather amused, “Getting what?”

“You know what.” Grace concludes, muttering, “Sex,” Tony only chuckles, “there’s no way you’re getting that. I don’t care what past PA’s have done for the job, I will not.”

“Well, that would be nice. But what I really need is for someone to attend my meeting  on Wednesday, I’ve got a party at the Playboy mansion, won’t be able to attend.”

Grace just nods and sighs, already knowing this is going to be difficult. The car is mostly silent, Tony on his phone and talking occasionally to Happy about something random. 

The house they pull up to is… breathtaking. Clearly costs more than anything Grace will ever own, it’s beautiful and modern, clearly a mansion too. It must have around six bedrooms, at least. How can one man need all this space? 

“You live here?” Grace asked and Tony nods, “alone?”

Tony chuckles, “I’m hardly ever alone, Pepper usually stays with me and I’m hardly single, I mean, you know my reputation.”

“Don’t you ever feel lonely in a place like this?” Grace asked and looked at Tony, his eyebrows are knitted together and he’s looking at her for a long moment before turning back to Happy, telling him to park the car in the garage around back.

Grace follows Tony up the drive, where he types in a code to enter the luxurious house. The lights all come on, the sound of a brewing coffee pot could be heard distantly, Grace raises an eyebrow at everything. Then from nowhere a distinct British accent is heard… from above?

“Welcome back, Mr Stark.”

“Who said that?” Grace asked looking around for the source of the voice, yet coming up empty.

Tony shrugs off his jacket and passes it to Grace, pointing to a closet near her, “That’s JARVIS, he used to be just an interface computer system, but I’m upgrading him to an Artificial Intelligence. It’s going rather well,” Tony smiles and Grace can only nod her head, “JARVIS, this is Grace Hart, she’s taking over Miss Potts duties for a few weeks. Get her prints for the doors and add her to the security logs.”

“Right away, Sir.”

Grace remains by the door, utterly floored by the technology in this house. Tony is making an AI? She knew he was a genius, like his father before him, but she didn’t know that he just makes AI’s in his spare time. Isn’t he meant to be running some kind of business? Oh, right. No, you are Grace, you’re attending the meeting for him on Wednesday.

It wasn’t till past eleven at night that Grace finally returned home. She had to go over Pepper’s timetable, all involving picking up his dry-cleaning, answering his own emails and arranging all of his meals- alongside his own head chef. She also had to consult with JARVIS, an Artificial Intelligence, talking to something with no face was… weird.

“Sir,” Grace sighed as she finally got through to her boss, “I really don’t think I can do this job.”

“Agent Hart, it’s just a security detail.”

Grace scoffs, “I wish. It’s not just a security detail, Mr Stark doesn’t want to be looked after. No, I have to pretend to be a personal assistant just to keep him safe,” she paced outside of her apartment building. “I have do everything, it’s like looking after a child. It’s been one day and I can’t do it. He has a frigging robot as a friend, Sir.”

“Hart, you can and will do this job. No matter what you keep Stark alive and safe, got it?” It sounded more of a command than a question.

“Sir, I think this individual might actually be mentally unstable,” Grace affirms but knows better than to argue. “Can you at least have the team look into an Obadiah Stane? He works alongside Stark, I got this… vibe from him.”

There was a moment of silence, “I’ll have them look into it. But Stane is one of the people that was also concerned for Stark’s safety. I’ll update you in a few days of the progress.”

Grace let out a long groan before ending the call before entering her apartment. It’s only for a few days, it can’t be that hard to look after and keep him safe. It’s not like he’s constantly putting himself in danger.

(so, like, yeah. I don’t know. If you want to read That’s Stark’s Boy, simply click the masterlist link in my bio OR type in TSBmasterlist in the search bar on my blog. I had no idea if JARVIS was a computer or an AI in 1999, so I had to blag it. I’m having to bullshit a lot for this prequel lol. Hope you enjoy this, there are only six chapters, so I guess this short thing!- Rosalie)

[baby-batboys]

Kink A-Z: Older!Damian Wayne

A/N: I need to stop writing at 2am. So I got a couple requests for this and after hours of playing Injustice 2 and seeing older Damian, I couldn’t resist! I think a lot of Damian’s smug cockiness would pass over into his sex life, so I hope you guys like this! Than you all so much for reading!

Warnings: EXPLICIT..EXTREMELY NSFW

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Brooding. Sex makes Damian think about how much he cares for his partner, so it’s not odd for him to start thinking about all the bad things he wants to protect them from. It won’t make him sad, but determined, and usually he’ll stare up at the ceiling, with his S/O wrapped in his arms as he gets lost in thought.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On himself, Damian likes his hands. The pads of his fingers and the palm of his hands are rough in some places but the backs are smooth. He likes what he can do with them. On his s/o, I feel like he likes everything. Damians smart and rational (most of the time) so he knows that beauty may not come from one particular thing but the sum of many parts. He likes his partner’s neck and collarbone, but overall he loves their body as a whole.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Damian does not like making messes, not in his room or of his bed, so he prefers to come inside. He likes the sensation, cuming right as his partner does. However, he understands if they don’t like that. His second favorite place to cum is on their stomach after pulling out.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Damian likes begging. He, himself, would never beg, but he loves to hear his partner begging to cum, his name stuttered off their tongue. It feeds his ever-growing cockiness.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

No. Damian does not get around. He doesn’t have regular love interests like Dick or Jason. He doesn’t even watch porn. But is he going to let that stop him? No. Is he going to let it show? Hell no. His ego and quips make up for it and he’s a natural. He doesn’t need anyone showing him how to do it.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Contrary to the other boys, who like missionary or typical ‘partner on back’ positions, Damian likes doggy style. A lot. He loves downward doggy style, his partner’s hands pinned behind their back. He feels in control that way, it’s stable, and he can control his pace really well and hit all the right spots. When he gives oral, he prefers they lay on their back with him positioned on his stomach in front of them. That way he can swat their hands away and really get deep.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Damian isn’t even goofy outside of sex. He’s serious and focused, determined on the task at hand. His mind is clear and he’s thinking up ways to make his partner melt and cum, not laugh.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Damian is very well groomed. He is neatly trimmed and keeps it that way. He’s Bruce Wayne’s son, Robin, and the leader of his group, but he still makes time to groom himself. He makes sure of it.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Despite being cocky as all hell, Damian is very romantic. Sure, he’ll tease and play rough, but it’s all in the intention of giving his partner the best orgasm of their life, every time. He focuses more on them, how they’re feeling and what they like. If they want kisses, he’ll oblige. Damian is romantic and as someone who was raised to not open up to anyone, sex is very intimate for him. It’s just that his version of romantic may not be everyone else’s.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Very very rarely. Like Tim, unless something brings it to the forefront of his mind, Damian doesn’t think about sex. It’s baffling, the son of Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy socialite, doesn’t think about sex. It’s not that he doesn’t care for it, it’s just he has a lot of other stuff he thinks deserves his attention more. But sometimes, if he gets a racy photo from his S/O, he can’t help it. He’ll fumble a bit, going slow before picking up pace. He’ll shut his eyes and steady his breathing until he can’t take it anymore, cumming quietly into his own hand.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Dominance, Begging, Light Rope Bondage (giving), Blindfolded (both giving and receiving because it’s given in the comics he can operate without his sight), and very sparingly Spanking (giving).

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He likes to keep it in the bedroom. It’s private, safe, and gives him much more opportunity do the things he wants for as long as he wants. He also particularly likes shower sex. Wayne Manor has some really big tubs and showers, so there’s no problem with space and seeing his partner cling to him in order to stay upright takes him over the edge. Also, if he can get away with it, the BatCave and the BatMobile

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Competition, if his S/O tries to make him jealous or out flirt him, it’s on. Racy photos, Expensive Lingerie, Sexting or Phone sex. If you send him a voicemail of you masturbating, he’ll be over in ten minutes. Damian is not one to be teased.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Threesomes, Pet-play, Blood-play, Sex in his uniform, Public sex.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Receiving is not something Damian is worried about. If you’d like to give it, be his guest. Where his attention lies though, is giving. He’s a pro, how could someone with such a sharp tongue not be? He’ll spread your legs and hold them down, only coming up to tell you how aroused you are, to ask if you like it. If you want it, all you have to do was ask, and sometimes he’ll take it there without even needing to be.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Damian is pretty average pace wise. He doesn’t go slow, but he doesn’t go fast. He’ll keep the pace constant, slowing down to tease you sometimes, not speeding up until you’re shaking and begging him to go faster.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Not his style. If you need a quickie before work or to destress, he’ll be down, but he much prefers proper sex. That’s how he is, he does things to the fullest, his way. So don’t complain if you ask for a quickie and he teases you and leave you hanging and begging for more. Or do complain, he likes it when you do.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Damian has enough risk in his life. He may occasionally sneak down into the BatCave and do it there, where there’s an air of danger and power, but that’s as far as he’ll go.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Damian’s stamina and endurance is there solely to spite you. Nothing else. Sure, he loves seeing you cum again and again, but what he loves most is seeing you beg and whine to come again and again, so he’ll go as long as he needs to. Usually, the rounds are based off of you, and he’ll hold off on cumming until he knows you can’t take anymore.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Damian likes his hands, he likes what they can do. So he’d rather them than any toy. If his partner really wants to bring them in, then he will, but overall he’s not into them. For him, a sex shop is not a place he’d like to be seen nor does he want Alfred to pick up his sex toy packages from Amazon. He just needs himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Too damn much. Dick will tease until you laugh and tell him to stop. Jason will tease until you pull him close and he caves. Damian will tease until you literally cannot stand it anymore. He loves the sound of his partner’s voice, how helpless they look, and how horny they get when he teases. So he’ll hold out and tease them until they’re shaking, begging, and calling his name. He’ll go slow and say ‘You can’t handle it?’ or ‘Say Please.’ If you beg, he’ll say ‘I know you can beg better than that.’ or ‘Not good enough.’ ‘I can’t hear you.’ Damian is a big teaser and the ringer is you won’t ever be able to tease him back.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Overall, Damian is very good at keeping his composure. He might grunt and let out a pant, but other than that he’s not very loud in that sense. He’s chatty. Very big into dirty talk. He won’t call his partner names or say anything explicit, though. He says things like ‘This is what happens when you don’t listen.’ He knows how to use his words and his tongue in wicked ways, and he knows it.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Bite his lip and he’s all yours. He also likes scratches along his back. Along with his dirty talk, if you talk back he’ll melt. Especially if it’s more explicit than his. Try to match him and he’ll make it worth your while.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Under his suit he wears boxer briefs. In normal clothes, he wears boxers unless he’s training. It is very rare for him to go commando because he just doesn’t like the lewd feeling of it.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Baseline, he doesn’t think about sex very often, but he is a creature of routine. Damian likes doing it certain times a week and if suddenly that routine is broken, that is when his sex drive sky rockets. He relies on schedule so when he’s getting some and then suddenly getting none his sex drive doubles and triples until he’s back on track.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t. Damian will sleep if his partner is asleep and he has something to do tomorrow, but in general he doesn’t need to sleep after sex. He may stay up, looking into a case, checking messages, or just relaxing with Titus and his S/O.

[lookatthisdork]

Two-Face as a Dad AU

I’m a sucker for batkid-raised-by-a-villain origin stories, but there’s so many already in the Batfam canon that it’s easy to overlap with a canon origin. You already have Cluemaster, David Cain, Lady Shiva, and Talia (arguably you also have Willis Todd and Sheila Haywood); that covers the B-list Blackgate rogue, various iterations of League Assassins, and small time criminals. Still, there’s no A-list Batman rogue parents, particularly none of the Arkham regulars. It’s an easy opening for an AU, one I’ve seen a couple of times.

Thing is, it’s usually either the Joker or Catwoman that ends up the AU parent. Which is perfectly fine - I’ve written a Joker Jr thing too (Batman Beyond Return of the Joker is part of my childhood). The Joker is high stakes, high angst, highest potential for Drama and Generally Fucked Up Parenting. I would read the shit out of a Joker Jr. AU. On the flip side, Selina is such a stable rogue, she doesn’t always count as a rogue. She might actually, you know, Parent Responsibly while still raising a badass kid. Catlad/Stray AUs are a popular niche industry.

But sometimes, I want some variety. I think I saw a Tim-raised-by-Ivy AU once. And there was a Harley-raised-Jason oneshot (but the raising was implied and I maybe this was a fever dream). Can you imagine what one of the kids would be like if they were raised by Crane? (Terrifying, that’s what.) What about Riddler? Cobblepot?

I’ve been tossing around a “Harvey Dent is Tim’s dad” AU in my head and oh man, the potential.

Harvey, Janet and Tim hanging out with Bruce at Haly’s Circus that fateful day. Tiny Tim and Dick getting their picture taken with all of their parents, hale and whole.

By the time Robin is ready to debut, Harvey is already past the point of no return. Dick can’t afford to go easy on Two-Face, even if he still remembers him as the nice lawyer guy that had him out of Juvie within a day.

Janet moves away from the city, doesn’t visit Harvey in Arkham, but Tim sends letters every month after he learns how to write. He later adds photographs and small albums with little notes in the margins

Assuming he’s not on the streets (and sometimes even while he’s on the streets), Harvey writes back. Sometimes his letters are mini-novels written in ink and carefully numbered in case the pages end up out-of-order. And sometimes the letters are single pieces of notebook paper written in crayon. (Because the Arkham staff don’t always trust him with a sharp writing instrument.)

When Janet dies, her will leaves guardianship of Tim with Bruce unless he turns it down. It’s the version of the will Harvey drafted ages ago, the one that Bruce signed as a witness.

He’s still reeling from the loss of Jason, he knows he’s going to fuck this up, but it’s Harvey’s son and Bruce is going to do right by this one, damn it.

(Robin still happens. Bruce resists it all the way, but it still happens.)

DEALING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS IN A RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL MANNER.

Harvey getting some actual therapy and making actual progress with actually believable relapses.

Harvey written with an actual disorder instead of “lol comic MPD lol”

CONSISTENCY?? CAN IT BE DONE???

Tim dealing with the stigma of having a mentally-ill parent.

Tim worried about his own odds of mental illness.

ADDRESSING TIM’S CONCERNS ABOUT MENTAL ILLNESS

ADDRESSING TIM’S DEPRESSION

Meditations on culpability, punishment and rehabilitation. If Harvey ever gets better, how do you address his past crimes?

Acknowledgment that mental illness is not something you should be locked up for a lifetime for, but being a mass-murdering fuckwad is (COUGHJOKERCOUGH).

The Vigilantes-With-Fucked-Up-Parents Club. Members include more than half the batfam, Conner Kent, Chris Kent, Rose Wilson, Raven, and many many more.

They have T-shirts! Membership cards! Socials! Bad jokes!

Bruce and Tim visiting Harvey in Arkham - sometimes together, sometimes solo.

Bruce aggressively avoiding “stealing” Harvey’s place as Tim’s dad while doing his best to Responsibly Parent. (It’s okay, Bruce. Tim can have two dads. Don’t stress over it.)

Harvey doesn’t get killed off for an easy resolution of parent-centered drama or to complete the orphan-batkid set.

(Why was Jack Drake killed in canon? What narrative purpose did it serve? Parent deaths are cheap.)

Honestly, I could go on about this all day. Jack Drake in (early) canon can be a better parent but often chooses not to. Harvey Dent, hypothetically, would choose to be a better parent but actually can’t. It would be an interesting reversal to see play out in a long-form fic.

[amorremanet]

omg u've watched rick & morty!! what are ur thoughts?

Well, with the caveat that I literally just watched all of it for the first time yesterday (barring a handful of episodes that I’d seen pieces of because they happened to play when my Dad fell asleep in front of the TV with Adult Swim on), and with fair warning that most of this is a lot of me being a pretentious nerd about philosophy?

I love Rick. I expected to either not love Rick, or to love him but in the detached, intellectual kind of way where it’s like, “I appreciate you as a character but any attachment to you is more of a morbid fascination with you and wondering what you’re going to do next” — but yeah, no. That didn’t last. It did take a while to get there (I mean, I could feel it happen, but I didn’t have to give up and accept it until the end of the Unity episode, with Rick’s onscreen bungled suicide attempt)

I hate myself for being so goddamn predictable and for having such a Type

But I’m so weak for both well-executed fictional douchebags and more so for the whole, “this person is a genius or somehow special, and it is actually a very miserable, lonely existence because one of the things that people tend not to understand about being deemed, ‘special’ in any capacity? is how much it sets you apart from all the people around you and fucks up your ability to connect with anyone without factoring in other shit like, for example, depression, [C]PTSD, substance abuse and/or addiction, and/or being on the spectrum (which can then fuck it up for you even more on top of being “special,” both in its own right and in terms of how it makes other people react to you)

“—and see, despite what a lot of people like Rick and Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore [and sometimes me] try to say, it is actually horrible to have your ability to connect with other people compromised like that. Like, there is a wealth of evidence from several disciplines — psychology, biology and medicine, sociology, history, the list goes on — that shows how it is completely terrible for people not to be able to connect with others. It’s isolating, it’s lonely, and it will fuck you straight to Hell, psychologically speaking but WUBBALUBBADUBDUB, NO WORRIES FOR THE GENIUS, AM I RIGHT” trope

I also really love Summer, Beth, and Morty. For different reasons all around — and if I had to pick a favorite out of them, I’d probably pick Summer, though I will say that it’s really close between her and Morty — but I love them, they’re all a lot of fun to watch

Show needs more ladies. I could pretend that I’m saying this out of a sociopolitical conviction that having more gender diversity among the major recurring characters would be a good thing, but I’m totally not. I am 500% saying this because holy fucking shit, I want to have some goddamn femslash with Summer in it, but one of the only f/f ships available is Summer/Tammy

—which isn’t to say that I’m not open to Summer/Tammy, since it would actually fit pretty nicely into a trope that I love

Namely, the, “everything looks all chill and pleasant and domestic and happy, but it is, in fact, actually pretty deeply fucked up” trope (which was what I loved about, for example, the relationship that NBC!Hannibal painted between Hannibal and Jack Crawford for the early part of season two, though… pretty big difference in scale and emphases between these two ships)

—I’m just saying that I’d like a little bit of variety here, too, you know?

Jerry is the only main character that I’m just kind of, “meh, whatever” about, and I’m not holding my breath that the Beth/Jerry divorce will actually stick? But I personally wouldn’t mind if it did, because I don’t hate Jerry? But the nicest thing that I can say about him is either, “Well, he has a fair point sometimes, I guess. Statistically, it has to happen” or, “Well, I don’t hate him.”

To be fair? I wouldn’t say Jerry’s presence holds the show back — which I would say about some characters that I actually like, albeit from different things (like how I think The Joker needs to go on another ten-year hiatus like he did back in the mid-20th century because…… okay, he’s Batman’s most iconic villain, but atm, the world is sort of in a Joker hangover and he is actively holding back Batman, and by extension most of DC in all of its current media incarnations, because Batman is, duh doi, their biggest and bestselling property)

—and I think that Jerry definitely brings something to the show that helps enhance it, sometimes (e.g., I like how they use him as a foil to the rest of his family at different turns, like how he’s the bumbling loser sitcom dad who is super not-chill with most of the shit that’s out there in the bigger universe unless it’s nice to him like Sleepy Gary or the scammer aliens’ simulation thing, and who could be totally happy spending the rest of his life at Jerryboree vs. Rick, who is…… well. Rick;

or Jerry, the naïve egocentric loser whose view of what’s good or bad in any situation always comes back to himself and his family [but that is seriously a secondary concern to himself] vs. Morty, the naïve egocentric loser who is actually coming into his own and getting to not be a loser, and his egocentricity is more a product of him being a teenager who’s trying to orient himself in the universe than any deliberate lack of concern for other beings [like you see in both Jerry and Rick, though Rick is at least upfront about it], and who at least tries to do right by other beings, even sacrificing his own desires for them, like when he would’ve rather not killed Fart but did it to prevent Fart and its species from annihilating all “lesser” lifeforms)

I wouldn’t even say that Jerry is holding Beth back, which I felt like I was going to end up thinking when I went into this, since I had seen enough to know that Jerry is a bumbling sitcom dad (and bumbling sitcom dads usually hold back their spouses to some extent, and sometimes hold back everyone around them, too), and I’ve found some of their B-plots to be both interesting and pretty neat character pieces for Beth (like their B-plot with the deer in “A Rickle in Time” and looking at themselves across alternate dimensions, like in “Rixty Minutes”)

……I just don’t particularly care about Jerry as himself, so if he and Beth actually stay divorced and it maybe limits the amount of overall Jerry-time on the show, I don’t think I’d mind

I’m cautiously hopeful about the promise of Summer getting to go on more adventures and Beth maybe coming on any adventures at all, from Rick’s rant at Morty at the end of the Mulan McNuggets dipping sauce episode — especially for the Summer part.

One thing I enjoyed seeing with the progression of Summer’s character is how she embodies the whole, “teenager trying to figure themself out” thing, and how she’s trying to decide who she wants to be and where she wants to fit into the universe.

Originally, it was just the world — which we see really well in her relationship with Mr. Needful in “Something Ricked This Way Comes” — but now that she’s seen more of the multiverse out there, she’s trying to figure out where she can feel most at home there (it has to come down to how she feels about it, if the, “Nobody belongs anywhere” idea from “Rixty Minutes” still holds true)

—and I love watching that idea develop and play out in her relationships with Rick and Morty, and how those relationships are changed and tested by their adventures together and what Summer sees and experiences out there (like, learning that freedom means that people have the right to do things that suck, when she tried to free the planet from Unity, and actually coming to think that her grandpa is the bad influence on Unity), and I really love exploring the parallels and points of difference between her and Rick

oh my god, that is how you do an absurdist tv series RIGHT. seriously, most shows that try to go to the absurdist place are just pointlessly loud and asinine with no rhyme or reason to anything, and they think that this is the same thing as making the point that ~there is no inherent meaning~ when actually, they are making the point that they’re fucking obnoxious and don’t know how to tell a joke and try to cover it up in pretentious crap

(—for the record, I’m thinking of shit like Tim and Eric when I say this. It’d be really easy to bag on Family Guy, but the thing is that Family Guy doesn’t actually pretend to be making any philosophical kind of point about anything.

There isn’t any annoying, pretentious crap going on in Family Guy like there used to be in all of the Tim and Eric shows. I mean, there’s a LOT of crap, but it’s pandering, populist crap that has no creative integrity and is openly just concerned with grossing people out and getting away with as much as they possibly can, surviving on sheer popularity factor.

Shows like the Tim and Eric family wanted to pretend that they were deep and intellectual, when actually, they were just BAD and acted like they were bad on purpose like they were a bunch of baby Dadaists.

I would say, “all due respect,” but I have no respect for them)

like, I’m not going to say that Rick and Morty is a perfect series by any means, or that there aren’t things I wouldn’t have done differently — though, I had plenty of criticisms for Community and Dan Harmon has a much sweeter life than I do, so I think he can handle me having criticisms here (and I know nothing about his co-creator) — but

A big reason why I went, “Okay, fuck it” and just watched the series was that it combines a lot of things that I know I enjoy (sci-fi, magical realism, cosmic horror, dysfunctional family tragicomedy/dramedy/whatever, etc.), and I kept hearing and reading about the philosophical themes going on in the show and how they were both more overt than in most series but also handled with more finesse than a lot of other pieces of media where the philosophical ideas are just right out in the open

I’m very pointedly casting a judgmental sideways glance at you, Christopher Nolan.

I’m doing this because on one hand, I am really tired of how you handle all your big-budget attempts at having in-depth philosophical discussions in cinematic form with the grace, tact, and finesse of a huge steamroller, and how you don’t just shove the audience’s faces into all of your themes like Jerry shoving Snowball’s face into his own urine, but you then try to actively tell the audience at your movies what we’re supposed to think, rather than using your power as an ~auteur~ to start a conversation and trusting the audience to think for themselves

—like, my problems with JK Rowling have their own damn tag on my blog, but for fuck’s sakes, at least she knows how to start a conversation, rather than being a didactic pain in the ass with an over-inflated opinion of herself and her own creativity, Christopher fucking Nolan

(…which is pretty laughable, given how much he’s ripped off from other artists. Not built on or remixed or played with in his own way, but just straight-up ripped off)—

and on the other hand, I’m picking on him right now because Rick and Morty also picks on him not-irregularly, which makes me more inclined to do so, because that’s just a part of Rick and Morty’s text

Anyway, as I was saying.

In particular, I saw a lot about how the show plays with the tension between existentialism and absurdism — and I am going to super over-simplify both of these schools of thought right now, and how the show approaches them, but in general

Existentialism and Absurdism have a lot of things in common, and one of them is the idea that life is inherently meaningless and the universe is a cold place that can’t even accurately be called, “cruel” because that would imply that the universe gives a shit about individual lives, which it doesn’t

Where they most differ from each other is in how each school of thought deals with the ensuing question of, “okay, so what do we do about the fact that we live in this meaningless world in a meaningless universe where our lives and existences have no intrinsic value or meaning”

Existentialism can come in a variety of flavors, from the hella Christian existentialism of Søren Kierkegaard and Russian Orthodox proto-existentialism of Fyodor Dostoyevsky, to the massively misunderstood models of Friedrich “actually, he was AGAINST antisemitism and supremacist bullshit, and he would think most of the people who quote him in their justifications for being nihilistic douchebags are *jean ralphio voice* THE WOOOOOORST” Nietzsche and Jean-Paul “yes, Hell is other people, but not in the way that you probably think this quote is saying” Sartre

—but they all generally agree that, in the end? The universe may be devoid of inherent meaning, but human beings create meaning in all kinds of weird little ways, and the meaning that we create has value because it matters to us, and because we can build and do things inspired by that meaning which affect other people and the course of history and so on (and possibly to Jesus, if your name is Kierkegaard, though to be fair, I’m way oversimplifying him right now, more than I’m oversimplifying all the other shit in this discussion)

Basically, a good way to think of Existentialism’s (INCREDIBLY OVERSIMPLIFIED) approach to these questions is to think of the Nietzsche that you can find when you actually read any shit by Nietzsche. Like, when you actually read him, he isn’t saying that God is dead and life is meaningless so let’s everybody just be assholes to each other and the biggest douchebag on the proverbial playground gets to be the Übermensch.

He’s more saying that life is inherently meaningless until human beings go inventing meaning, but because we can invent that meaning through various systems, like friendships and family and civilizations, the inherent, fundamental meaninglessness of life, the universe, and everything is not a valid justification for being an asshole to people

Absurdism, on the other hand, does have a few different flavors and it’s associated with a few different creative movements in history, even though it wasn’t actually directly related to all of them — but its biggest luminaries are Albert “the stranger, the plague, the myth of sisyphus” Camus and Antonin “actually, he was a surrealist, but reading The Theatre and Its Double, it’s hard to tell that he wasn’t an absurdist, and it can start feeling a bit like the often arbitrary distinctions made between goth and emo, or between different flavors of goth or emo” Artaud

If you view philosophical schools as being on a spectrum (and you really probably shouldn’t, because it’s more complicated than that, but for the sake of the visual metaphor, let’s pretend it isn’t), then Absurdism is closer to Nihilism than most of the other schools that can get lumped under the big Existentialist umbrella (which both Absurdism and Nihilism can be and have been, depending on who you ask about the definitions all going on here)

Absurdism’s answer to the question of meaning or lack thereof is basically to flip the middle finger and blow a raspberry, because to the Absurdist view, there either is no inherent and guiding meaning to anything in the universe, or if it exists, then it’s so wildly incomprehensible to humans that its existence will not matter to us because we will never be able to understand it so everything will, effectively, still be meaningless to us — but where the Existentialists latch onto the idea of creating our own meanings by doing human stuff and attaching significance to it, whether fairly or not, for better and for worse, “Life wouldn’t be perfect without you, Unity, but it would be life”?

………Yeah, Absurdists instead go, “Fuck that noise. Trying to create meaning in the universe is an understandable refuge, as it can be terrifying to grapple with the fundamental complete lack of meaning — but it’s still ultimately cowardly, and the best way to exist in the universe is to acknowledge that your life has no meaning and the universe is hostile and the entire world has no point to any of this, and to continue living and thriving and leading a good life because fuck the universe, THAT’S why”

The Myth of Sisyphus is regarded as the foundational text of Absurdism by a lot of people, because it’s the essay in which Camus…… basically says everything that I just said but longer and with more argument, examples, etc.

In it, he also acknowledges the fundamental paradox at the heart of his philosophy, namely that accepting the meaninglessness of the universe and of human life is still aligning oneself with a system that ascribes meaning to all the fundamentally non-meaningful happenstance that’s all part and parcel of existing in the universe

His response to said paradox is, essentially, “Fuck it. No one else has any better ideas and anyone who refuses to lead an unexamined life [i.e., a life where they live only in a protective bubble of confirmation bias, ignoring as many of the things that they don’t like or find challenging as they possibly can; or in so many words, to be a Jerry, but also to be a Rick or a Summer in different ways]? Yeah, they will have their ideas, their ideals, their thoughts, their feelings, their beliefs, their values, and their philosophies constantly tested or called into question by literally any and all of the people, places, events, and things that they might ever encounter and engage with

“—so, really, the fact that I’m aligning myself with this rejection of meaning — which is itself a way of creating meaning in a meaningless universe — only means that I’m human and have to constantly question myself about that inherent meaningless thing or else I’m going to fall into the same cowardly cop-out that Dostoevsky did when he had Ivan Karamazov find God”

(……which. ……that’s. ……okay, Albert is missing some pretty big deal pieces of context in his reading of The Brothers Karamazov, and it’s fair to point out that good ol’ Fyodor didn’t actually think of himself as an existentialist because the term wasn’t in his vocabulary — but I do still respect that Camus went, “Yep, my philosophy here does have these internal contradictions and paradoxes” since?

Well. I mean, he’s right in saying that literally every human system of thought has internal contradictions and internal paradoxes and questions where it will get snagged and be forced to choose between its bedrock ideas and most treasured values — the debate of freedom vs. security is one of the most constant refrains of this throughout most of human history — but……?

Hey. At least he admits it and tries to deal with it, as opposed to people who act like their philosophies are totally unimpeachable and without question or paradox or anything that might be intellectually, ethically, spiritually, morally, emotionally, psychologically, etc. difficult for folks)

Regardless of the different conclusions, though? Absurdism and Existentialism both agree about the whole, “the universe is cold and can be harsh and it doesn’t give a fuck about humans or our lives, so what do we do now” thing — which comes up a lot in Rick and Morty, so we’re gonna unpack it a bit more

Like, given the massive difference in scale between THE LITERAL ENTIRE UNIVERSE and individual lives, which are but tiny specks of dust relative to the THE LITERAL ENTIRE UNIVERSE…… uh, can you really blame it for not caring?

I mean, for one thing, we’re assuming that universe itself is sentient (which?? it might be? it might NOT be? who the fuck knows? well, certainly not me, but I’d be super-interested if anybody else has any insights here) and that it cares about literally anything

—which……… again? If the universe itself is for reals sentient, then might care about anything or it might not, there’s no way to know for sure

But if the hypothetically sentient universe does care about things, then we still can’t really blame it for not caring about individual organisms with our individual lives, because there are hundreds of billions of us out there — like, fuck, there are almost 7.5 billion individual human lives just on Earth, and that is just the humans, it’s saying nothing of the other beings here who have different degrees of sentience, let alone all of the other lives that may or may not exist on other planets, in other galaxies, etc.

If the hypothetically sentient universe cares about things, then it probably cares more about particularly big black holes or solar flares (or for the more comic approach: it cares about whether the other sentient universes at sentient universe high school are gonna make fun of it for being the last one to get a pair of Univernikebok sneakers, or if the sentient universe it most has its proverbial eye on will go with it to the sentient universe prom)

Point being: the hypothetically sentient universe, if it really cares about anything, will most likely only care about things on its own scale and not on ours

Like, yeah, it sucks for us a lot of the time, because as the master, Douglas Adams, observed in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, having a sense of proportion can be actively detrimental to the psychological and emotional well-being of individual organisms, and being exposed to just how insignificant we are in the grand totality of all the things ever?

………Yeah, that can be a fate worse than death for us (unless we’re Zaphod Beeblebrox and can come out of the Total Perspective Vortex still thinking that we might as well be the center of the universe)

In a pretty fundamental way, most individual organisms are incapable of handling the idea that we are not actually that important. We can handle the idea that we’re not the literal center of the universe, but if you tell someone that they aren’t important in the grand scheme of things, it will not go well

On one hand, this is part of why you have sci-fi stories in which, for example, The Doctor goes, “Oh wow, in all my adventures, I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before” or Dr. Manhattan realizes that individual human lives are actually more miraculous than air turning into gold because, as small as we are and as quotidian as our existences are (especially relative to a being who exists so far outside of our ability to comprehend things that he has essentially become a god), it is statistically more likely for oxygen to turn into gold than for each exact human being on Terra to exist in the exact way that they do

(—which is, y’know, part of the underlying theory that makes Rick and Morty’s mega-multiverse thing plausible. Because there really might be INFINITE alternate realities and timelines out there.)

(……and now I’m thinking about how Rick would most likely school Abed on how Jeff didn’t actually create seven alternate timelines when he tried to roll a d6 to see who would go get the pizza; there are, in fact, infinite timelines that could’ve resulted from that because there are all kinds of other factors at play, here

Like maybe Jeff rolled the d6 off the table and it somehow triggered Abed’s rolling boulder Indiana Jones model and then Pierce slipped on said model-boulder and broke his neck

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 in such a way that it landed down Annie’s shirt and she broke up with the Study Group because she was tired of everyone but Shirley constantly being up in her tits like that, even though it was legitimately an accident this time — not that anybody would necessarily believe Jeff Winger about that because he has a precedent here

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 in such a way that it landed down Annie’s shirt, but instead of her breaking up with the Study Group, the Study Group split into everyone who took Annie and whoever took her side (Troy, Abed, Britta, and Pierce) vs. Jeff and Shirley (because Shirley is one of the characters who I can most easily see defending Jeff over this legitimate accident, even possibly in timelines where it wasn’t an accident and Jeff totally meant for the d6 to go down Annie’s shirt)

Or maybe that thing I just said, except instead of it being a mostly realistic community college nonsense hijinks adventure, Jeff and Shirley band together to come back stronger and end up taking over the world as Queen Shirley and her loyal consort/legal adviser/“guy who pays her bodyguards because she has seen Jeffrey fight and knows that he cannot keep her safe in the way that she deserves”

Or maybe Jeff rolled the d6 and it turned air and certain miscellaneous objects into gold in La Casa Chez Trobed and the Study Group got filthy rich by selling all the gold but it drove a huge wedge between them because some of the things that turned into gold were like, Abed’s Batman costume or Britta’s lighter

Or maybe, or maybe, or maybe, or maybe, LITERAL INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, NOT JUST THE SEVEN OFFICIALLY CANONICAL TIMELINES WE SAW IN THAT EPISODE [—though that just raises once more the question of whether those timelines should really be considered official canon, because aside from the Darkest Timeline, they were all Abed’s imagined take on how things would be different if certain members of the Study Group were gone and reflections of how the group’s balance works]

But that’s beside the point)

On another hand, people’s inability to really deal with the idea that we might be insignificant is part of why, “you are important and you are valid” posts are so popular on tumblr dot hell. Like, there are a LOT of other factors in play there, too — especially because those posts are so often made for people who belong to oppressed and/or marginalized communities — but the underlying logic of those posts is to counteract human-created hierarchical systems (like those found in neoliberal capitalism) that prioritize certain kinds of people while dismissing others as, “invalid,” “wrong,” or, “unimportant and disposable”

Those posts try to counteract those hierarchies and promote a sense of mental and emotional well-being — or foster a sense of belonging, or several other vaguely similar options — by going, “no, all of that shit you’ve heard about how you’re unimportant due to how you are a member of this group, or how you engage in these unfairly maligned and harmless behaviors (like black girls wearing their natural hair)? it’s wrong. you are totally important and your choices are valid and you matter”

Which can totally be an encouraging message to hear and I’m not trying to disparage or criticize these posts at all (I could criticize them for other reasons, but that’s an entirely different post and for now, I’d rather not)

But when you put those posts into a conversation with literally cosmic-level shit — and, in the case of Rick and Morty, literally multi-cosmic-level shit, since we have a canonical mega-multiverse to consider in this show — they come off as pretty egocentric and anthropocentric (i.e., egocentric but focused on all of us people instead of looking at us in the context of the rest of the universe), because of the difference in scale

Those kinds of positivity posts can work (even if they don’t always work) because they’re operating on the human scale. They’re sort of stuck between the microcosmic and macrocosmic scales — which… is unfortunately pretty tricky terminology right now, due to the involvement of literal cosmoses in the Rick and Morty conversation?

But I’m using the terms that are related to the idea of microcosms (i.e., the smaller-scale ways that ideas and systems play out, such as in individual lives or small-group scenarios that can reflect the whole) and macrocosms (i.e., the larger-scale discussions here, like entire countries vs. life in one particular province, or life on Earth vs. life in Canada, or life in the Milky Way vs. life on Earth)

—so, what I’m trying to say is that those kinds of, “you are valid and important” positivity posts try to work on both the smaller, individual or small-group level (by talking to the members of certain specific groups but doing so in a way that also addresses the individual reader who sees a post while browsing tumblr), and the bigger, broader group level (due to how they tacitly address larger systemic issues of sociopolitical inequality, oppression, marginalization, and so on)

And their preferred mechanism of doing so is trying to reaffirm and emotionally support people who are taught by the different aspects of socialization, indoctrination, and social conditioning of neoliberal capitalism that they don’t matter — which is, what a shock (not really), psychologically damaging to hear and see, day in and day out, especially when it gets to be so blatantly fucking arbitrary as the divisions of society and social groups promoted by neoliberal capitalism

—none of which is actually of interest to Rick and Morty, at least not a big deal, pressing interest.

There is actually probably a lot of really cool meta to be milked out of how Rick and Morty engages with these kinds of immediately sociopolitical discussions and economic politics (e.g., the Meeseeks; Mr. Needful; “Look Who’s Purging Now”; how Rick-Prime and the Council of Ricks deal with each other; all of the, “Rick, Birdperson, and Squanchy are deemed terrorists for fighting the Galactic Federation, and lbr here, the Galactic Federation do seem like a bunch of dicks, even if it isn’t so cut-and-dry as that” backstory; Unity and its entire episode, full stop)

But for the most part, a lot of the philosophical noodling in Rick and Morty is concerned not with political philosophy, social philosophy, economic philosophy, etc., but with the metaphysical questions like, “why are we here,” “what are we,” “what does this all mean”

—and it works on an even bigger cosmic horror scale than Howard Phillips “racist grandpa of popular cosmic horror, Cthulhu mythos except he wanted to name it something different because he kind of though Cthulhu was a loser, blah blah fuckeddy blah blah blah, tentacle shit” Lovecraft

Like, the horror that Lovecraft intended to build into the Cthulhu mythos wasn’t the questionable writing or all of the racism (—I mean, he put that there pretty intentionally, but he didn’t mean for it to be horrific, even though he was so racist that other 1920’s racists were like, “Dude, that’s not cool”).

The horror that he intended to be there was the entire existence of the Great Old Ones and the Elder Gods, who would characterize the greater universe as a place that is fundamentally hostile to us because it doesn’t give a shit about humans or Earth

—note that the GOO’s and EG’s didn’t really become evil ‘til August Derleth decided to fuck up everything by adding a Christian sense of morality, which is and will almost always be fundamentally anthropocentric, since Christianity rests on the premise that there is a being out there — let’s split the difference and call it Elohim — and it exists on the same unfathomably, overwhelmingly powerful level as all the weirdos like Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth, Nyarlathotep, Hastur, et al.… and it is actively concerned with the fate of humanity

—maybe it’s not actively concerned with the smaller, day-to-day minutiae of our lives, though that varies depending on which Christians you ask… but Elohim is still out there and actively concerned with us, and that’s why it actively intervened in human history and why it sacrificed its only begotten child — who was part of Elohim itself — for our benefit. Because, you know, all-powerful beings giving that much of a shit about humans doesn’t sound like a theory that is overly focused on humans

……except that it does, which is my point, here.

Lovecraft was working with the idea that humans are inherently NOT important and that the universe does not give a shit about us. It looks hostile and even evil to US because the GOO’s and EG’s do things that kill us and because they have the power to destroy our planet and end all life on it (and some of them may want to do that, though usually not out of active malice so much as, “that’s just their nature, it’s what they do and we are literally powerless to fully stop it. Postpone it? Eh, maybe we can do that. But we lack the ability to completely prevent it”).

For him, the big wide universe is horrifying because we don’t matter and no amount of, “you’re a star! you’re valid!! your choices matter and should be respected unless you do something that i don’t like personally uwu!!! you are important and loved and magical i don’t make the rules stay hydrated!!!!” style tumblr positivity posts will change that.

Also, there are tentacles everywhere and these gibbering fleshbags that consume everything in their paths and “humanoid abominations” that are described in really not-subtly racialized terms and who are the result of fish-people males (who are described in even less subtly racialized terms) breeding with (white) human women, because oh yeah, did we mention that he was a huge fucking racist

(I’m not kidding. Go read “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” and try to tell me that he didn’t use specifically anti-black language and tropes to describe and characterize The Deep Ones and the Deep One/Human hybrid people)

(And if you want to read something of his that isn’t horribly racist, try “Pickman’s Model” — it has nothing to do with the Cthulhu mythos and the big reveal is probably one that you can see coming, but it’s one of his better stories overall, in addition to not being a huge screed against interracial marriage that’s gotten dressed up as a horror novella for Halloween)

For Derleth, the universe is horrifying because these creatures are actively evil and they’re coming to get us because we exist and they are evil

(This isn’t to laud or condemn either Lovecraft or Derleth more than the other, because frankly, both of them had some interesting ideas but also several shitty ones, both of them contributed immeasurably to the development of contemporary sci-fi, horror, and Gothic fiction but have also unwittingly held it back in certain ways*, both of them also had major flaws as writers, and both of them were also huge douchebags as people, albeit usually in different ways from each other.

[*: For example? I mean, I’m sure that Howard thought he was helping advance things by being a huge racist all over everything, but I’d disagree with that, since in addition to the racism — which is already bad enough — he unwittingly spawned a bunch of fans of these genres who won’t even acknowledge that he was a racist piece of shit (much less, whenever they recycle some of his ideas without trying to challenge them or change them, that they are themselves perpetuating a variety of racism that was too racist for most other 1920’s U.S. racists), and thus help spread and exacerbate racism in geek culture and communities……

……all because Lovecraft contributed a lot to the development of the genres here, and this apparently means that we can’t also point out that he was a huge racist because of reasons or something asinine like that.

Like…… no, Brad, that’s not how it works. HP Lovecraft contributed immeasurably to the development of contemporary sci-fi, horror, and Gothic fiction, and he was a massive racist. The statements are NOT mutually exclusive.]

Personally, I find Lovecraft’s take on the (a)morality of the Cthulhu mythos more intriguing while I find Derleth’s version kinda boring and overly simplistic, but the current state of Cthulhu mythos fiction — and mythos-influenced fiction, that isn’t actually set in the mythos specifically like Rick and Morty — wouldn’t be what it is without both of them, so they’re both historically important for the genre, and both of them also suck.

It’s like Rick mathematically proving that Morty and Summer are both pieces of shit, except that there is actual clear evidence — as opposed to Rick using math to make his feelings seem objective when they fundamentally aren’t — that Lovecraft and Derleth were both huge pieces of shit. Historically significant pieces of shit, sure — at least, they are if you’re into sci-fi, horror, and/or Gothic fiction — but they’re both huge pieces of shit)

—Which all goes back to the kind of level that Rick and Morty is working on when it approaches its metaphysical questions, because it’s working on a mega-multiversal super-cosmic scale that makes HP Lovecraft’s view of the entire universe look like it’s working on a microcosmic scale

Let’s break that down as simply as possible, so we’re all on the same page

Rick and Morty is an animated series on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block that initially seems like it’s a mix of wacky sci-fi adventures, wacky dysfunctional family hijinks like a traditional dysfunctional family sitcom, and jokes about sex, farts, genitalia, and violence

It not only approaches serious metaphysical questions in the first place, but does it on a scale that makes Howard Phillips “the universe is a cold, harsh, uncaring wasteland in which human beings are fundamentally insignificant and lbr, we’re all probably gonna die in the near future and there is fuck-all that any of us can do to stop it because we are up against powers that are way bigger, stronger, and smarter than us, most of which we can’t even begin to fully comprehend and none of which really give a fuck about ANY of us” Lovecraft

—Like, HP Lovecraft, the guy who’s talking about how the universe is so huge and unforgiving that we can’t even really fathom how huge and unforgiving it is, like there is more huge, unforgivingness than your body has room for

—yeah, the super-cosmic scale of Rick and Morty makes it look like HP Lovecraft is complaining about how Suzy didn’t ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance and she’s going with Janey instead and how dare she enrage his sense of white male entitlement by being a lesbian GAWD while Earthlings are making first contact with Vulcans, or there’s some looming Armageddon that will destroy the entire Milky Way, or something

The super-cosmic scale of Rick and Morty makes HP Lovecraft’s macrocosmic, universal scale look like kid stuff

—Which all goes back to the tension between Existentialism and Absurdism because not only does Rick and Morty make HP Lovecraft look like kid stuff in terms of sheer scale, it also makes him look like kid stuff in terms of how it approaches the same metaphysical questions that he was answering in how he built up the Cthulhu mythos

(……I mean, we may not like any of his answers, because he pretty much answers, “No” to any metaphysical questions we could come up with, even when he actually isn’t faced with a yes or no question? But he does provide answers to them, and those answers generally have big, nasty tentacles and they want to eat you and might also make your brain start leaking out your ears because you are just that fundamentally incapable of understanding shit about shit about even a fraction of their existences, much less the totality of them)

(HP Lovecraft sometimes makes Tara “My Immortal” Gillesbie look like she has chill, and frankly, comparing the two of them is an insult to Tara, because…… okay, sure, HP Lovecraft could spell, had a bigger vocabulary, and he influenced several major genres of fiction so much and so deeply that you’d need a series of monographs to get all of it documented…… but Tara wasn’t, afaik, an enormous racist douchebag who was such an edgelord that Kylo Ren would have told her to take some deep breaths and calm down and try to find her center

HP Lovecraft was exactly that kind of edgelord and to that same extent. So…… I’m just saying.)

Anyway, Rick and Morty makes HP Lovecraft look like kid stuff in its approach to the questions of existence and meaning and the horror of living in our fucked up universe (or literally any of the multiple infinite fucked up universes out there), because in all the places where HP Lovecraft would just start screaming at you about how everything is terrible forever and it’s all so scary and your mind can’t fucking take it?

Rick and Morty throws up both middle fingers and goes, “FUCK YOU, WUBBALUBBADUBDUB, WHOOOOO, LMAO COSMIC HORROR CAN’T FUCKING TOUCH ME, IT WISHES IT COULD FUCKING TOUCH ME, WUBBALUBBADUBDUB!!!”

To paraphrase one of the Wisecrack channel’s, “Philosophy of Rick and Morty” vids on Youtube: the show doesn’t ask viewers to be terrified of our own insignificance or the cosmic horrors out there that can and probably will attempt to destroy us; it asks us to laugh at them and shows how, really, they’re just as banal and silly as humans are (……most of the time)

The tension between Absurdism and Existentialism (and every so often, also Nihilism), as it plays out on Rick and Morty, is… kind of a lot

But it most often comes out in how the different characters all respond to grappling with their own existences, and the threats that arise against them, and, whether they:

want to die (like the Meeseeks and Rick)

or destroy shit but mostly Rick or whoever their creator is (like Abradolph Lincler, and Morty Jr. until…)

or try to channel their potentially not-good impulses into more constructive things

(like Morty Jr. when he decides to become a writer instead of destroying people — which is one of the single funniest moments in the series for me, personally, because… I’ve been saying since I was about twelve that being, “a creative of some kind!!” is one of the best ways to avoid giving in to any intrusive thoughts and not-good impulses that you’d rather not let rule you, and it was just like, “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT”

—or like Unity trying to help the people and planets whom it assimilates, and even leaving the people’s individual consciousnesses more or less intact and trying to better their lives by removing the shit like… y’know, race wars and pedophilia)

or try to impose some semblance of order on things to various effects

(like: the Galactic Federation,

the Council of Ricks,

the Evil Rick who was being controlled by the Evil Morty,

Beth in her own way,

Mr. Needful — since his whole shop is about him cursing people to be punished for their “sins” in a very direct and poetic justice-laden way that upholds the idea that bad shit should happen to certain people for certain reasons that follow a logical and easily comprehensible order,

Rick when he insists on the supremacy of science above all else in the universe despite any evidence that might be a challenge to his beliefs in the meaninglessness of it all and how it can be boiled down to chemical reactions or physics principles or whatever else is on his mind at any given moment [including non-scientific but still systematic logical shit like going, “Well, [Beth]’s MY daughter, Summer; I outrank you. Or, family means nothing, in which case, don’t play that card”],

the female Gazorpazorpians,

Principle Vagina when he goes, “all the old religions are dead” and creates the Headism cult based on the cum hoc ergo propter hoc and post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacies [which I don’t feel like explaining myself right now because this is already too long, so here’s a link to the Wisecrack video on “Get Schwifty,” where 8-Bit Jared specifically talks about those exact logical fallacies in the episode],

Morty whenever he tries to be a more conventional do-gooder,

Summer when she falls into Headism or tries to fit other people’s ideas of who she should be if she wants to be popular,

the Meeseeks, who only want to kill Jerry so that they can die because they are created for a specific purpose and can’t fulfill it (thanks, Jerry!!) and don’t know how to cope with what we understand as a full existence in the universe (y’know, one that exists outside of one specific purpose),

and oh this list never ends, it goes on and on and on and on)

or try to hide from everything (like Beth and Rick when they drink, even though Rick acts like he isn’t hiding from shit — which we know is a lie, thanks to Birdperson and how he clarified that, “wubbalubbadubdub” means, “I am in great pain, please help me” — and far more visibly, like Jerry, who would rather live in Jerryboree or the scammer aliens’ 5% processing power simulation than in his actual life)

or any other multiple options that come up throughout the series

—and in the different ways that the show either embraces or rejects any attempts at attaching meaning or significance to the adventures we see in the episodes (like, at the end of “Raising Gazorpazorp,” when Rick tries to go, “this was all pointless lol” so Summer tries to go, “don’t you think it made you think a bit about how you’re being a misogynistic turd to me,” and Rick then tries to go, “no, that’s just your feminine insecurities” — which is creating a meaning and attaching significance to shit, even though Rick literally just went, “it’s all pointless lmao”)

We see this in a BIG way with Rick throughout everything — we can’t not; in a lot of ways, he embodies the entire, “Absurdism vs. Existentialism vs. Nihilism” tension in one character — and in how he reacts to things, how he develops or doesn’t as the series goes on, how he tries to tell himself that he isn’t having any character development but he is but not always in any kind of positive way, and so on. I mean……?

My personal read on him, on an in-character and an in-universe level, is that whatever Rick’s backstory actually is and whatever his motivations actually are, he’s been out into the grand-scale universe — and that could fuck with anybody’s head, but he’s even gone beyond that, into the mega-multiverse, and seen his place(s) in everything, seen the thing(s) that the other Ricks have done*, seen all the possibilities that could’ve been for him**, and seen just how insignificant he actually is, in the grand mega-multiversal scale of everything ever

—and while Morty-Prime can look at being confronted with this shit in “Close Rick-counters” and conclude, “When I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys [at the Council of Ricks], I thought, ‘Gee, that kind of devalues our bond.’ But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines,” Rick has seen too much to deny the randomness of existence and/or think that he can believe in something comforting like anything being so cool or so special that it spans multiple universes and timelines without the risk of having it painfully ripped away from him

So, basically, when Rick tries to reject having any semblance of meaning attached to his actions or adventures, he’s trying to do the Absurdist thing of embracing the fundamentally random and meaningless nature of the universe and of life itself, and he has seen enough to make him think that this is just how it all is — but he’s also struggling with that because he doesn’t want it to all be meaningless, and he doesn’t know what to do with the fact that it might actually be meaningless.

I mean, he’s a scientist. He’s dedicated his life to the pursuit of truth and knowledge and meaning. It might seem like cynical or even a reaffirmation of the inherent meaninglessness of life, the universe, and everything, but he wants the meaning to be there in some form — so being confronted with as much evidence as he’s seen that there isn’t any intrinsic meaning to anything that isn’t projected onto it by beings observing those phenomena? That would probably fuck him up even more than how isolated and alienated he is from other sentient beings

And he’s already pretty fucked up from that — I mean, he rarely sees his bff Birdperson, his relationships with his family (except for Jerry) are in a perpetual cycle of needing them but shoving them away since he hates that he needs them and devaluing all their relationships by trying to dismiss them based on what he needs from them or not, and connecting with other people as Tiny Rick requires him to be in intense pain while his real body is slowly dying in a stasis tube, while connecting with other people in the party in “Rixty Business” or with Unity in “Auto Erotic Assimilation” requires him to be fucked up beyond all belief on sex and drugs, and it’s still not enough to let him hide from how much pain he’s in, wubbalubbadubdub

(which gets me so hard, just. I am so weak for this trope. it hurts and I love it and I’m weak for it because I’m actual trash garbage.)

—so, like? Rick might feel like he’s certain of everything, as he tells Morty and Summer in, “A Rickle In Time,” but the reality of his situation is probably more that he overcompensates and he tries to reassure himself that he’s certain, and he might be in an immediate small-context moment…… but overall, he’s actually perpetually uncertain, because everything he dedicated his life to wound up completely undermining the sacrifices he made in pursuit of truth and knowledge (……and the Mulan-themed, plum-flavored, promotional McNugget dipping sauce)

…but acknowledging the inherent meaninglessness of it all is itself a way of ascribing meaning to the situation (*points above to our dear friend Albert and The Myth of Sisyphus*), which would probably mean, to Rick, that there is no such thing as truth or even necessarily reality (not least since he has firsthand evidence that every single thing we take for granted in our own dimension isn’t actually as stable as we think, so all of it could be completely different in another universe, so who’s to say that anything we care about is real when, as real as it is to us, it is equally not-real to a different version of ourselves from another dimension)

……which would mean that his entire pursuit of anything, ever (from knowledge to love to Mulan McNugget dipping sauce) is a pointless lie, because it could still be objectively proven that he doesn’t have these things in another dimension (I mean, the existence of Doofus Rick proves that Rick doesn’t always have knowledge or ridiculous super-intelligence, and the fact that Evil Rick was actually being controlled by Evil Morty shows us — if not Rick himself — that his belief in the stability and typical patterns of his and Morty’s relationship isn’t right, either), which would mean that he doesn’t conclusively have these things and that he doesn’t conclusively “win”

………not that any of this is a competition (it isn’t even always a matter of competition for Rick), but it all seems to go back to an idea or a feeling like something being untrue in a different universe or timeline means that its truth isn’t a fixed construct in Rick’s own universe (or whichever universe he’s calling home at any given moment, since he’s no longer in Dimension C-137) — and if something isn’t always true, then it arguably can’t be said to be objectively true

…………and if nothing is objectively true — so much so that even saying, “this thing is not objectively true” cannot possibly be an objectively true statement — then this means that Rick’s entire life has been a pointless lie and all his work means jack squat, but then that invalidates the statement that nothing is objectively true, so it’s either the case that some of Rick’s work might have meaning and his life might not be pointless, or there is no objective truth

……………but if it’s the latter that’s true and there is no actual objective truth, then Rick invalidates his own work because he’s supposed to be a scientist and on the search for a truth that doesn’t exist (and we have to start this whole cycle over again because, “nothing is objectively true” is a fundamentally self-invalidating statement)……

………………but if it’s the former statement that’s true and Rick’s work might mean something and his life isn’t actually pointless, then that raises questions like what the point of it even is (where “it” can be literally anything), how Rick can even begin to know what the point of his life and work or of literally anything is, whether or not other Ricks lives also have meaning or purpose, do any of their lives mean more than the lives of any of the other Ricks, is he truly Rickest of them all, and so on

(there are some obvious issues with this line of thinking, in addition to the same paradox that Albert got into back in The Myth of Sisyphus, and I’ll get back to one of them in just a minute)

which yes, Camus could deal with because he was capable of handling that uncertainty and perpetual state of questioning all the things, but Rick can’t deal with that ambiguity, because he isn’t a philosopher — where he’d have to get comfortable with ambiguity and not having concrete answers, because frankly, most philosophers don’t, and the ones who try to say they do are the ones who are most likely to get humiliated when faced with someone who goes, “but hey, what about this obvious and glaring flaw in your theory” — but a scientist who is supposed to be working in the realm of the concrete, even if it is really out there and science-fiction-y to us, the viewers

So, TL;DR: Rick has no capacity for dealing with ambiguity or his own fundamental, underlying uncertainty, and part of why he is in so much pain is that he wants for things to mean shit but they don’t appear to, but even saying that they definitely for sure don’t mean shit anything is, in a way, ascribing meaning to them, and so, everything in his life seems like pointless, horrific suffering for no reason, and he acts like he can wrap his head around that lack of an underlying reason and his own inability to control all the factors at play in any given scenario, but on a deep, abiding level, he actually CAN’T and he HASN’T

—and, at some point, he probably wanted to do something good or remotely moral or ethical (even if he insists that the real reason is Mulan McNugget dipping sauce), because we know that he has scruples and lines that he won’t cross (maybe not very many of them, but they do exist), but in his view, he can’t do that thing, whatever it was or possibly still is. He never can, because literally everything in the universe is forever uncertain

And in his pursuit of shit, Rick has probably been forced to deal with the possibility that wanting to control all the factors in any given situation and shape them in his image (c.f., “Something Ricked,” where he forces Mr. Needful to play by his rules just for the sake of going, “neener neener neener, I’m better than you, suck it”; and the fact that he loses his shit over the beings in his microverse car battery creating their own miniverse, and doing the exact same thing as him)…… makes him not terribly unlike the Galactic Federation and the Council of Ricks, aside from issues of scale (but even that’s questionable when he can and has created literal universes full of sentient beings, whom he uses to power his fucking car/spaceship), oops

And without any internal sense of stability or anything else, Rick is stuck in this Limbo between the Absurdist mindset and the Existential mindset, and even if he weren’t, he’d have a whole fuck-ton of other problems — but this philosophical, “he stared at the abyss so long that they’re on a first-name basis and hit the clubs together on Friday nights” cosmic horror shit definitely isn’t helping

*: and despite claiming that he’s amoral and that he has no fucks to give, we see that this isn’t true when he does shit like reach back through a portal to shoot Jellybean King because of what Jellybean King did to Morty, or like when he and Summer specifically go after Neo-Nazis and bullies and animal abusers after they beat up Mr. Needful when he Zuckerbergs them, or like when he’s horrified by the fact that Evil Rick actually created a giant fortress of solitude using multiple Mortys as armor to protect himself from being found by other Ricks, or like when he’s deeply unnerved by the idea that Unity would blow up an entire city on its planet for the lulz until Unity goes, “Oh look, the people are all evacuated, and Morty and Summer weren’t there”

**: which fucked up Jerry and Beth and Summer badly enough in “Rixty Minutes,” when they got just a little taste of it, but Rick’s done this so much that he isn’t even fazed by burying a dead Rick in the backyard and taking his place, and sees the Council of Ricks as unimpressive and boring when they aren’t being a pain in his ass

—and Rick’s general attitude and demeanor are established as coming out of how he’s in great pain, so it’s plausible that his disaffection with the Council of Ricks is, in some ways or on some level, related to him being in so much pain over constantly seeing all the other possibilities, and wishing that he could just be numb to it, and lashing out because he isn’t

(…though it stands to reason that, somewhere, there are different Ricks who are genuinely numb to it)

and for all we have an entire Council of Ricks (who all kind of seem some degree of miserable, just like Rick-Prime), it stands to reason that, in the infinite universes, there are realities wherein Rick is actually happy

—and I don’t mean “happy” like Doofus Rick, who’s such a doofus that he probably would be pretty happy, if he could just hang out and chill with Jerry all the time, but Doofus Rick isn’t allowed to just have that.

Instead, he gets dragged into the Council of Ricks, where everybody treats him like crap [even Rick-Prime treats him like crap, and he completely rejects the Council of Ricks and their authority, and only sees a use for them because the fact that they’re a thing makes it possible for him to exist in opposition to them, which is crucial for his ability to deem himself the most Rickest of all possible Ricks]

—but yeah, no. I don’t mean Doofus Rick; I mean that, in the infinite multiverse, there must be some universes in which Rick is legitimately happy.

And true, one of the biggest points of the plot with Beth, Summer, and Jerry in, “Rixty Minutes”… is that it doesn’t matter what reality you look at, because the people in any reality will almost definitely spend at least some time just looking up at the sky and wondering what might’ve been if they’d done something differently

(……which, if we accept the logic of the infinite multiverse, can’t actually be constant in all universes ever, but it’s also unfathomable to most people that other people don’t necessarily wonder what might’ve been within our own single universe, much less if we are forced to confront the reality of other universes in which things are different for us)

—but, either way? Yeah, “Rixty Minutes” gives us a Rick and Morty spin on the good old, “lmao the grass is always greener on the other side” moral, but someone being truly happy isn’t mutually exclusive with wondering what could have been if you’d done something differently or if you’d only made different choices at certain points in life

I’m not really sure where the series falls on the question of whether someone’s life is:

an aggregate of all the smaller choices that they make (let’s call this the, “Spec Ops: The Line” approach to choice-making, because of how Spec Ops: The Line held the player accountable for every little choice that they make, even the ones where they don’t feel like they have a choice)

or more contingent on what bigger choices people make at crucial moments in life that are somehow more important than other choices for some reason (i.e., the idea that most contemporary fiction relies on but let’s call it the, “Colossus” approach to the question, because of that scene in Deadpool where Colossus tries to tell Mr. Pool Boy that being a hero comes down to your choices in four or five Big Deal moments, and you don’t have to brush your teeth as a hero)

or some kind of balance between the two extreme options here (and hey, let’s call it the, “Mass Effect” approach, because of how the original Mass Effect trilogy has a mix of both bigger deal “key moments” where your choices affect huge pieces of the story — like, for example, whether you have to fight Saren before fighting Sovereign, or manage to make Saren realize that he’s been Indoctrinated and then shoot himself so he can die as himself — and smaller shit that may seem like, “oh, it’s an insignificant choice on this one loyalty mission or fetch quest,” and then it comes back to bite you in the ass later)

—but wherever Rick and Morty ultimately falls, I maintain that there must be universes where Rick is genuinely happy, for better and for worse, and regardless of what shape that happiness takes? If Rick-Prime has seen it for his alternate selves at all, and possibly even seen how he can’t fit into those universes somehow, then that would do a LOT to fuck him up

Anyway, remember I said I’d get back to one of the biggest flaws in how Rick seems to approach the universe?

Yeah, well, it’s pretty simple. His flaw here is that he doesn’t understand issues of scale and seems to see some things as being mutually exclusive when they aren’t

These two flaws really are one and the same, for Rick

Because on one hand, you have scale — which, for Rick, means that he looks at day-to-day human problems and sees them as pointless because he knows what’s out there in the big deal mega-multiverse, and so he has a more accurate idea than most beings do of how insignificant one being’s individual life looks in the grand scheme of things…… but he also can’t escape these problems and is, in several ways, bound to them

He would say that he’s bound to his family because he relies on the protective shielding from being around Morty’s brain and junk, but I’m actually thinking more like how Rick is dependent on the attention and reactions he gets from other beings to feel like there is SOME kind of point to anything he does (even if the point is just, “annoying Jerry” or whatever, there is some kind of point, because he can do a thing and get a reaction), and he is at least emotionally dependent on alcohol and likely other mind-altering substances because he’s apparently in great pain more or less all the time, and he wants to get away from that

And, I mean.

On a more nonspecific, basic logic 101 level, Rick might be the closest that any of the single-minded beings Unity’s ever met has gotten to truly understanding the hive-minded perspective, but he’s still a human. He is fundamentally bound to human problems due to simply being a human.

—and, on the other hand, you have Rick’s problem of seeing shit that isn’t mutually exclusive as being mutually exclusive. Like, yes, there are obviously situations where something that is working on a bigger scale is objectively more important, due to what the stakes are — e.g., while Rick is a lying douche about blowing off Morty’s concern for the rest of the family in, “Get Schwifty,” he has a point about needing to focus on their song, because they had six hours, and they needed to damn well be ready or the entire earth was going to be disintegrated by a giant space laser

—but at the same time, there are plenty of situations where the stakes are not actually like that just because one thing works on a bigger scale than something else. In other words, Rick has the same damn problem that a lot of characters who’ve Seen Some Things Out There In The Great Wide Infinite have fallen into, where they have trouble seeing how the day-to-day shit in life on the ground even matters when compared to the rest of what’s out there in the universe

You see a more humanistic and sympathetic take on this trope with Rose Tyler and how she grows increasingly distanced from her Mum and from Mickey Smith because of everything that she sees while traveling with the Doctor, and how she doesn’t mean to say that there is no worth or meaning in working in a shop in, “Parting of the Ways” when she wants to open up the TARDIS and Jackie and Mickey want her to chill out, but when Rose compares eating chips and working in a shop to all of the life that she’s seen in the rest of the universe, she can’t just sit idle by and do nothing, knowing that life needs the Doctor and the Doctor needs her

……Clearly, Rick is not Rose Tyler and his approach to this is a lot less concerned with the value of anything (because unless it has some kind of objective value like X amount of Y money, he would probably say that it has no value whatsoever, even if he doesn’t necessarily feel that way for real)

But the same underlying principle applies, where Rick has seen a lot of shit and knows that certain problems are on a smaller scale than others. The problem is that, unlike Rose Tyler, Rick… doesn’t seem to get (at least not consistently or on any kind of reliable basis) that the smaller-scale problems can be important and meaningful without invalidating the importance of the much bigger-scale issues

Like, Rick has seen so much and he acts like he’s unfazed by a lot of what he goes through, but: 1. he DOES remember, every so often, the importance of the smaller-scale shit, because he’ll run into SOMETHING that trips over one of the few lines that he won’t cross (at least not in practice, since he thinks about all the lines he won’t cross pretty often, apparently), or kicks him in one of his genuine emotions, or something — so he clearly is not as unfazed as he wants everyone to think (see also: the true meaning of, “wubbalubbadubdub”);

and 2. HOWEVER, most of the time, he behaves dismissively toward the smaller-scale problems, and the underlying logic of WHY seems to be, “Yeah, I know this is bad, but frankly, all of it could be a lot worse, and this is pointless anyway, sooo really? Who cares?” — which is probably aimed at himself as much as everyone he ever gives this sort of attitude to

And there IS a balance here — Morty usually strikes up a pretty good balance between concern for bigger picture shit and for smaller scale shit (or at least he strikes the best balance that he can, given what he is capable of doing in most situations), and he and Summer both want to encourage Rick to find some kind of similar balance for himself

Buuuuuuut there’s a pretty fundamental failure to communicate going on in the Smith-Sanchez family here, because even after the few glimpses they’ve had into their Grandpa’s adventures, Summer and Morty don’t really know what kind of level Rick is working on here (and in fairness to them, I don’t think that Rick really gets this, either)

Philosophy, fuck yeah

Seriously, though, if you read even 35% of that, please go have a cookie or something, I didn’t even mean to go on that long

Uh

I feel like I should wrap this up now

ngl, I kinda ship Rick/Birdperson but that’s probably the closest that I have to an actual ship for this show, because Dan Harmon is mean to me and won’t give me enough options for Summer femslash

Wubbalubbadubdub

Nothing to see here

Okay, you can go, now. You’re free

[some-far-far-away-land]

Chesca’s Current Status

This weekend was amazing and gave me so much happiness, something I feel like I haven’t been in a long time. You know that the rest of this post is gonna explain why lol

So earlier last week I heard that a friend was selling tickets to the Alex Aiono and William Singe concert that I had been eyeing since like I think December or January, whenever they had released their tour dates. I was debating about it but by the time I decided tickets sold out already. So when I heard about my friend selling her ticket, the whole week I thought about it. I told her I’d tell her by Friday night. The week goes by and I was still debating, I was pretty broke and i knew if I went I would spend a lot of money on like getting there and back, and then food, and subway. What actually made me decide was that after class friday Nat Jose and I went for coffee with our old Don and I mentioned I was debating in going to toronto for this concert and Nat was like, “yo, lets go, i need a getaway and celebrate finishing design.” Plus Nellie was throwing a late bday party for Paul Saturday but I knew that Lisa would be there and that Thavi could potentially be there too. I honestly just didn’t want another repeat of gfx. I wouldn’t have been comfortable and I didn’t want that to translate on a celebration. Plus thinking about being in the same room as those two made me really anxious. I mean I know I didn’t do anything wrong but its the bad vibes and negativity I know those two people have for me that would make me uncomfortable. I mean if you had a choice I think you would choose a weekend in toronto by yourself, going on a few dates and going to see one of you favourite Youtube singers live, over a few hours of not knowing how to act around two people who use to be the closest people in your life who have now come to hate you for who know what reasons? 

So yea after a night of drinking and dancing at Phil’s with Nat, Jon, and Jose, which by the way was super fun because of the drunken talks and the company. Nat and I ventured off to Toronto Saturday morning. We went and got Pho in Chinatown, and then went to Eaton’s to shop and pick up some stuff. We ate there and didn’t go to Celene and Abby’s place till around 6pm. Funny story about where we ate for dinner. We went to the like cafeteria type place. I went to the coffee and pastry section since I was still full from Pho. I got an iced latte with a cheesecake. While I was in line, there was a hella rude customer who was on his phone telling the guy behind the counter (who was pretty cute btw) that he wanted more syrup on his waffle. He was also waiting for his drink and when the girl called it out he didn’t think it was his, when it clearly was. When he had left the cute guy behind the counter and another co-worker who I realized were filipino started talking about how rude he was. I listened and laughed cuz I know their struggles too and when the guy gave me my drink i smiled and said Salamat, and he was thrown off by it and he smiled back and I went on my merry way. 

Conversation with Nat was pretty good, we go pretty deep into my stuff, just with dating again and how I had been feeling the past few weeks. After that we went back and I redid my make up and taxied to the venue. I thought I was gonna be late but the show didn’t start till 8pm, line just started to move at 7pm. We get into the venue and its just standing so no seats. Its pretty packed and it was cold in there. I was supposed to meet up with my friend Jezeth but she was in the middle and I couldn’t find her so I just chilled where I was. When alex came out I had an amazing view of him, like most of the people there were girls who were with their girl friends or girls with their boyfriends, plus most of the people were asian so they were all shorter then me all I had to do was tippy toe a bit and I could see alex so well! The girls I ended up standing with and eventually befriending were super fun! They were drinking too so their vibes were legit and we danced and fangirled the whole time together! 

So let me talk about Alex, this man, omg he was so much cuter in person, his smile 10x warmer and his voice.... like fuck me, lol Like I thought that it wouldn’t sound as good as his videos but honestly he sounded exactly the same, even better live actually. I could listen to this man sing and play guitar for hours! I totally jus vibed out during his set, really took in the moment and just enjoyed being in the same space as him. *sigh* his gf is so lucky! lol

So after Alex it was obviously William and I only knew him from the songs he and Alex collabed together on. I honestly was not prepared, like this man, was sooooo good live, like his falsetto is on point, his covers were amazing! I love his style, his r&b swag and even his original songs... man. He got me feeling feels too. A little bit into his set my phone died and I actually am so glad it did. I really jus experienced the night and really enjoyed myself without worrying about getting things on camera. I just lived in the moment. I was just so happy and loving life. Alex ended up coming back later on and they sang the songs they did together and I almost died, like I felt like I went to heaven lol

After the concert, which ended around 10:30pm I decided to walk back, well partially. I had to find a place that was open where I could charge my phone. So I went the Tims on College and Yonge. Stayed there for a bit and then took the street car to Abby’s place. Decided to get BK cuz i was hungry and then waited for Nat to come back since she went to go and hangout with Jack while I was at the concert. When she got back we talked a bit before we went to bed. I let her sleep on the bed and I took the ground, which wasn’t bad actually.

So we wake up and we originally planned on having brunch with Jack and Bri but Jack was too sick and Bri’s schedule was too busy so we went for lunch with Celene, her man, and Abby. The place we went to was near Koreatown and we ate at this cute restaurant that had the best eggs benedict I’ve every had in my life. I go mine with baby spinach and the home fries was covered in this sauce and like i died! The conversation was good too and it was nice hanging out with friends. It was such a beautiful day too! Like the nicest day of the year so far I think. I mean I didn’t wear a coat and walked around the whole day. after lunch nat and i walked around koreatown, got my favourite fish dessert and just chilled. She had a carpool a 5pm since she was having dinner with her roomies so she went back first. I actually had a date for that afternoon but he cancelled saying he had worked out too hard in the morning and pretty much felt sick. I wasn’t too bummed about it since I still got to hangout with my friends and eat good food. We’ve been having good conversations on facebook and he seemed sad we couldn’t hangout, but its okay things happen for a reason.

When nat left I went for a bbt date with this guy I had been talking too for a week now. He was Korean and was actually pretty nice and sweet. Like physically he was okay but conversation was nice and he spoke english pretty well despite only living in Korea until like 4 months ago. He was super sweet and even walked me to my subway. it was cute date, i’d talk to him again lol

I was supposed to meet up with other friends for dinner but they cancelled last minute because something came up. Another guy I’ve been talking to for a week asked if I was free to grab dinner since he wanted to see me while I was still in town. I said yes of course, and we ended up getting dim sum in Chinatown and it was honestly sooooo good! This guy is filipino and he’s one of the ones I enjoy talking to via text all week so i was excited to meet him. He was actually so much better looking in person and his voice, sounds so nice. Like its deep and he has a filipino accent which I didn’t think i’d like but I totally did. Our conversation was so good and i just felt comfortable with him. after dim sum he offered to subway with me all the way to yonge and sheppard. thats like 30 mins on the subway. My carpool was at 10:30 so we went to the meet up spot and the carpool cancels last minute! At first I was annoyed and furious cuz now I’m stuck here till tmrw morning. But what happened after made up for it. 

We subway back to Abby’s place and then we decided that we wanted to walk around for a bit. guys, we ended up walking 3 km together. We went down beverley st. all the way to queen st. down john st., past front st. and all he way down to the harbourfront. We sat by the water for 30 mins, just talking about life, relationships, school, etc. The spontaneous nature of the whole night was something I honestly have never done before. Probably one of the best first dates I’ve had. we ended up walking up spadina from the rogers centre and made a full circle back to Abby’s place. We walked for 3 hrs almost. When we said our goodbyes he hugged me so tight and I was gonna kiss him on the cheek but i ended up giving him a peck on the lips, and then he hugged me again and then this time he kissed me and then just walked away all shy like. It was so cute and like the best way to end my night.

I went to sleep around 2am I think. Woke up at noon, and went and got starbucks with celene and her man. Then took a go train to bramalea and then a bus to kitchener go, then the 8 bus to asian grocery, then walked to campus and made it for the 5pm meeting. We then set up at 6pm for our event, and then EOT was at 7PM-10PM.

So that was my weekend getaway with myself. Honestly I’m so happy I decided to go away, even though now i’m hella broke, it was so worth it. I mean like I finally know what I want to do and what I’m gonna tell my parents my plan is. This weekend gave me motivation to get my shit together and just go after what I want to do and what I want to pursue. I swear I’m meant to live in Toronto and based of the events of this weekend I feel like in my gut its where I’m supposed to be.

I plan on going back in 2 weeks, after I’ve made some money and you know finished school stuff lol

[twistedrope-twine]

Twisted Trash Duty Quotes

Each week, our global staff at Twisted Rope takes turns taking out the office trash. To make things a little more fun, each of our team members also contributes a quote to post on our community board in the Buffalo office.

Here’s a look back at some of our favorites:

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." -Pablo Picasso (https://bit.ly/1U64GPR)

"Don't let your dreams be dreams." -Jack Johnson (https://bit.ly/23Xxu07)

"Give what you have; to someone it may be better than you dare to think." -Chinese Fortune Cookie

"Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today." -Jordan B. Peterson (https://bit.ly/2I7sW7c)

"Design is not art - the end goal of design should be to solve a problem for people." -Tinker Hatfield (https://bit.ly/1LkJGRq)

"How do I get my creative juices flowing? I just let it happen. And if I'm not being or feeling creative, I just let that flow as well because that means its a downloading period. That's a time where I'm not supposed to be creating. I'm supposed to be learning." -Erykah Badu (https://bit.ly/2IaTQv4)

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained." –Anonymous

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing." -Annie Dillard (https://bit.ly/2qujNLZ)

"The role of creative leader is not to have all the ideas; it's to create a culture where everyone can have ideas and feel that they're valued." -Ken Robinson (https://bit.ly/1MBoiVO)

"Originalidade é para pessoas de memórias curtas." -Grayson Perry (https://bit.ly/1P0LWSj)

"Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist." -Pablo Picasso (https://bit.ly/1U64GPR)

"两个黄鹂鸣翠柳，一行白鹭上青天。 窗含西岭千秋雪，门泊东吴万里船。" -杜甫

"Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into failure." -James Altucher (https://bit.ly/2utN8uo)

"If something is wrong, fix it now. But train yourself not to worry, worry fixes nothing." -Ernest Hemingway (https://bit.ly/1OjC0iE)

"If you're alive, you're a creative person." -Elizabeth Gilbert (https://bit.ly/2CEaIrf)

"A photograph doesn't gain weight or lose weight, or change from being happy to being sad. It's frozen. You can use it, then recycle it." -Chuck Close (https://bit.ly/1PMDoP8)

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." -William Jones ( https://bit.ly/29ZZQq3)

"Believe you can and you're halfway there." -Theodore Roosevelt (https://bit.ly/1KMx4Qm)

"Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious." -Stephen Hawking (http://bit.ly/1wotoQ4)

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." -Ernst F. Schumacher (http://bit.ly/1t9CR1k)

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." -George Bernard Shaw (http://bit.ly/1LmNp3f)

"To escape criticism: Do nothing. Say nothing. Be nothing." -Elbert Hubbard (https://lnkd.in/gUbYwZj)

"The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (https://lnkd.in/g85c_PJ.)

"The question you should be asking isn't, 'What do I want?' or 'What are my goals?' but 'What would excite me?' - Tim Ferriss (https://lnkd.in/gjvCTEb)

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." -Jim Morrison https://lnkd.in/d2YyJdS

“A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry https://lnkd.in/dGPcq9d

"You cannot build a better world without improving the individuals. To that end, each of us must work for his own improvement and, at the same time, share a general responsibility for all humanity, our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be the most useful." -Marie Curie (http://bit.ly/1mBHdZS)

"Great things in business are never done by one person. They're done by a team of people." -Steve Jobs (http://bit.ly/1BClLwb)

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." -Gandalf (http://bit.ly/2EMoo1q)

"I take the position that I'm always some degree wrong, and the aspiration is to be less wrong." -Elon Musk (http://bit.ly/1IzMjOl)

"Confidence comes not from always being right but not fearing to be wrong." -Peter T. Mcintyre (http://bit.ly/2o1e4wc)

"I don't care that they stole my idea... I care that they don't have any of their own." -Nikola Tesla (http://bit.ly/1LSrTUi)

"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction." -George Horace Lorimer (http://bit.ly/2EhEzY4)

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." -Winston S. Churchill (http://bit.ly/1M4tbKF)

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." -Mark Twain (http://bit.ly/1cnmrSI)

"Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat." -Anonymous

"Il vaut mieux avoir des remords que des regrets." -Unknown

"The past is only the future with the lights on." -Mark Hoppus (http://bit.ly/1O8sUpm)

"Fortune does favor the bold and you'll never know what you're capable of if you don't try." -Sheryl Sandberg (http://bit.ly/27zHtNC)

"You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry and be sure to stop to smell the flowers along the way." -Walter Hagen (http://bit.ly/2DBBmhK)

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -Leo Buscaglia (http://bit.ly/2rCxhbu)

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." -Maya Angelou (http://bit.ly/1FT64m0)

"The price of greatness is responsibility." -Winston Churchill (http://bit.ly/1M4tbKF)

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." -Mark Twain (http://bit.ly/1cnmrSI)

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose." -Dr. Seuss http://bit.ly/1NQ5iIh

"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese." -Willie Nelson http://bit.ly/1JtsQ3q

"Be brave enough to live creatively. The creative place is where no one else has been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You can't get there by bus, only by hard work, risking and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful: yourself." -Alan Alda http://bit.ly/2FI9UAj

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not." - Jean-Michel Basquiat - https://lnkd.in/eTwaVf6

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but ourselves." - William Shakespeare - https://lnkd.in/eUYKk7k

"No accident ever comes late; it always arrives precisely on time." - Mark Twain - https://lnkd.in/eFW9Q8C

“Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.” – Stephen Covey (https://lnkd.in/erjWFM8)

“Tout groupe humain prend sa richesse dans la communication, l’entraide et la solidarité visant à un but commun : l’épanouissement de chacun dans le respect des différences.” - De Françoise Dolto

“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand (https://lnkd.in/eiZFqTE)

"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse." - Ryan Blair (https://lnkd.in/eHhiMwD)

"The prerequisite of originality is the art of forgetting, at the proper moment, what we know." - Arthur Koestler (https://lnkd.in/eeebqR3)

"Any type of love, it will be shown. Like every single tree, reach for the sky." - Tom DeLonge (https://lnkd.in/ewcN3gW)

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky (https://lnkd.in/eThmeVU)

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison (https://lnkd.in/gBbg-KQ)

"Don't be busy, be productive." - Unknown

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (https://lnkd.in/gmNqhzn)

"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses." - Alphonse Karr (https://lnkd.in/e2T2pkx)

"The strength of the team is each member. The strength of each member is the team." - Phil Jackson (https://lnkd.in/ewXY5V7)

"In the depths of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus (https://lnkd.in/eCTv646)

"Na konci každé cesty začíná další." - Pavel Kosorin (https://lnkd.in/ewZVsa2)

"The most effective way to do it is to do it." - Amelia Earhart (https://lnkd.in/gf9hCTx)

"Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity."- T.S. Eliot (https://lnkd.in/emDESJ8)

"Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not." - Neil DeGrasse Tyson (https://lnkd.in/ecPkExF)

"Unless Someone like you cares a whole lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. - The Lorax by Dr. Seuss (https://lnkd.in/ePr8yW6)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt (https://lnkd.in/eTT9jRd)

“Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.” -Jim Carrey (https://lnkd.in/ezsShUk)

"Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt."-Stephen Colbert (https://lnkd.in/eaFxHyW)

"Life is short, so eat dessert first." - Jacque Torres (https://lnkd.in/eR3ZFWY)

知之者不如好之者，好之者不如乐之者. - 孔子

"Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." - Henry Ford (https://lnkd.in/dBP-Puv)

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi (https://lnkd.in/d-NV2uA)

"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana." -Groucho Marx (https://lnkd.in/eRd78SA)

"Every great developer you know got there by solving problems they were unqualified to solve until they actually did it." - Patrick McKenzie

"I choose to believe that I was programmed to believe!" -Superstitious Robot (Futurama - https://lnkd.in/e95gXeB)

"Rien ne sert de courir, il faut partir à point.” - Jean de la Fontaine (https://lnkd.in/eKdCXRs)

"Go as far as you can see, when you get there you will be able to see farther." -Thomas Carlyle

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." -Judy Garland (https://lnkd.in/eMit8Ys)

"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees." - Amelia Earhart (https://lnkd.in/gf9hCTx)

"Have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing." - Tilopa (https://lnkd.in/gYk7fxi)

"Create more than you consume." - Cara Madrid (Twisted Rope Graphic Artist)

"Really pay attention to negative feedback and solicit it, particularly from friends. Hardly anyone does that and it's incredibly helpful." -Elon Musk

"It's not the time in your life, it's the life in your time." - Bruce Springsteen

"If your dream doesn't scare you, it's too small." -Mark Batterson (https://lnkd.in/dQhh-u6)

"If you pay attention to the world, it's amazing. If you don't, it's whatever you think it is." -Reggie Watts (https://lnkd.in/dPSGVU4)

"Just cause something' ain't been done, Don't mean it can't be did." -Shel Silverstein

“When you take action, you stop operating from a ‘what if’ standpoint to a ‘what now’ standpoint.” -Edreys Wajed

"If you aren't in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty or back to pain and regret." - Jim Carrey

"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure." - Colin Powell

"Love yourself as I do - RELENTLESSLY." - Sean Stephens

"These pretzels are making me thirsty!" - Cosmo Kramer

[basketballandbs-blog]

They Are Who We Thought They Were a.k.a The Ballad of Janky Johnny and LSU Tigers

This morning, we are in the aftermath of another LSU Men’s Basketball loss that was not just another LSU Men’s Basketball. Last night was a snowflake because the 106-71 thrashing by the hands of the 25th ranked Florida Gators marked the Tigers’ worst home loss in 54 years. The most active Tiger fan on our Facebook page posted an article that lamenting the beatdown and mentioning that beleaguered fifth year head coach Johnny Jones offers an apology to the fan base. Our resident Tiger fan suggested that he apologizes with a resignation letter.

This is not an uncommon sentiment in the least. Especially as the whispers of discontent that began towards the end of last season once it became clear that a team featuring preordained then actual factual first overall pick in the 2016 NBA draft Ben Simmons, current Portland TrailBlazer Tim Quarterman and even current D-League sharpshooter Keith Hornsby not only had no chance of making the NCAA tournament but they just weren’t a very good team to boot. These whispers have now become roars as this team that have the double misfortune of having a considerable drop off in talent from last year’s squad as well as struggling to compete in a slightly improved yet still god awful (more on this later) SEC. This has led to a team that currently stands at 9-10, 13th in the league play standing atop of only Missouri, the only conference foe that the Basketball Tigahs have bested this season.  

So as I am reading through the comments on this post I simply can’t help myself and type out a frantic reply going on about this program is blowing a golden opportunity to return to prominence in the SEC when fellow B&BSer Keith, the Baron of Brevity, simply types “They are who we though they were”. And just like that, the quote famously coined by the late, great Dennis Green which was breathed during a postgame press conference following a tough loss to the Chicago Bears in which his Arizona Cardinals gave up a 20-0 halftime lead tied if not all a lot of what bothers me about the program this year together.

I’ve always fancied the Southeastern Conference as a football conference with a baseball problem that will enjoy the occasional dalliance with basketball every few weekends and while on vacation. And it makes sense, no one has more rabid (and arguably illogical) football fans than the SEC. It also helps that their programs (mainly Alabama as of late) have been a fixture in almost every national championship game going on close to two decades. Baseball has seen this level of sustained success for a little longer with the wealth being spread around a little further leading to featuring some of the only baseball programs that are self-sustaining. Basketball, on the other hand, have seen better days but has always been overlooked by more traditionally basketball centered conferences like the ACC and Big East and quite honestly is routinely out classed by the Big 10, Big 12 and Pac 12. Other conferences that can be viewed as football first like the SEC. In it’s current moribund iteration we are talking about a conference that could only muster three bids to the NCAA tournament last year. Same as the Atlantic 10 and one less that the fairly new American Conference. Don’t get me wrong, these are VERY good basketball conferences but when you’re the SEC getting in only one more bid than the Missouri Valley Conference is not a good look……AT ALL.

In the game of major collegiate athletics (especially the revenue generating programs) the coaches are the face of the team. There are several reasons for this (don’t worry I won’t go into them all) but the primary ones are that as the “student-athletes” matriculate under their tutelage if successful the coach remains and will represent a symbol of stability and positive leadership and, you know, because they pay them a crap ton.  All programs at major schools desired to have a face. Even golf, track and gymnastics programs tirelessly work to have a recognizable face attached to the torso that will don their colors but in the case of revenue generating programs many times it is a matter of life and death.

Totally buying into the aforementioned model there has been somewhat of a renaissance going on with the SEC basketball programs albeit a languid one. And as much as I would love to say that the fans crave for good basketball like they do football, or that the ADs are being more prideful and want badly for their basketball teams to be fixtures in the Final Four as much as they want their football teams to be in the playoffs, or kids want to start spurning the blue bloods to play in the deep red south none of this is true. As with all major collegiate athletics these days, it all boils down to money. The debut of the SEC Network on August 14, 2014 introduced a massive and brand spanking new revenue stream to the league and its institutions. However, with SEC football already in bed with ESPN and CBS the network would not be able to depend on live football to draw eyeballs (unless you’re really jacked to watch Mississippi State and Missouri go at it at 11 A.M.).

This is where SEC basketball comes in. For a league that has almost zero national appeal outside of long time powerhouse Kentucky the fact that the SEC Network was now looking a whole lotta hours to fill with live programming was the boon that frankly the other 13 programs have been waiting for. Only thing is, who wants to look see a bunch of no name dopes in suit and tie coach some mediocre-assed basketball? No one. Now dopes with name recognition? We’re all about it! As it stands now the conference is a hodge podge of coaches that are familiar faces brought in to energize the fan base and recruiting, guys that are at programs that want to do the same but the current coach hasn’t screwed up big enough to justify the move, programs that are doing the old-fashioned thing and giving small program winners a try and programs that either don’t care or haven’t realized the new found importance of having a competitive or at least a recognizable program. Take a wild guess which box our embattled coach falls into.

While the results are not present now, this is a league that now features a coached in an NBA Finals series as well as being named NBA Coach of the Year, a coach that has 22 tourney appearances under his belt, a coach that has won an NCAA title recently. Collectively this group has nine Final Four and too many Elite 8 appearances to count. Some of these guys may be over the hill, some may not be ready yet. But one things for sure, all of these programs have made it clear successful or not that they’re making a clear play to invigorate the fan base and win. Well, except LSU.

Look, I know how this is going to read for everyone that knows how I feel about Johnny Jones. I mean, I did start #jankyjohnny but even if you put all feelings of fandom aside it is apparent that not only is he not the right guy for this job but it’s likely that he never really was. Detractors, however few there are at this point, will undoubtedly mention that in his five years here that he has compiled an 89-60 record and has tread water in the conference. While this is true, I would argue that we would be much further along had we not hired the guy that finished .500 in Sun Belt league play during his 11 season tenure at North Texas. I mean, if you can’t consistently beat ULL what should make us think you should be at the helm at LSU? Some will say that he’s a great recruiter, and you know what? I completely agree! The trouble with this is that it becomes quite obvious where the problem lies when you have an abundance of talent that can’t win basketball games.

On the court the product is as ugly as it sounds. This is a team that wants to play with pace, but too easily allow opponents to control it. They want to play fast, but teams that are better at playing this style pick up on their deficiencies in execution and end up running them off of the court. Perfect example of this would be this season’s conference opener against first year coach and Baton Rouge native Bryce Drew’s Vanderbilt Commodores. Despite this game marking the Tigers’ best shooting outing in league play when the game was on the line Vandy was able to wrest control of the pace and take better shots down the stretch to seal the win. The Tigers have proven just as easily to slow down. Despite very promising play from Lee College transfer and South Sudan native Duop Reath, the transfer of 7 footer Darcy Malone and dismissal of Craig Victor II from the program has left their frontcourt without almost any heft……well usable heft thus effectively making him a walking personal foul which also takes him away as a post scorer at vital points in most contests.

The smallish Tigers’ strength lies clearly in the backcourt. Antonio Blakeney leads the team in scoring with 16 points per night on a not terrible 45% from the field. He has a ton of talent and personally I went on record saying that had he decided to leave at the end of last season during the fire sale I would not have been mad. Sure, he’s not pro ready yet, but he’s definitely not going to get there under Jones. And that 16 on 45% would be even better if the Tigers could establish any kind of pace or (GASP!) run an actual offense. Brandon Sampson has been big for the LSU also putting up almost 11 per contest on 48% shooting. Skylar Mays, despite experiencing his fair share of growing pains, has been solid. Jayln Patterson, manning the point guard spot in spurts with Mays has played commendably. Both are decent at seeing the floor but both are not great at creating their own shot and struggle against defenses the figure out quickly that the guards are not yet ready to play in a largely (ahem) improvisational offense. Far too often, this group looks erratic and plays with no direction. And mind you this is their strong suit.

Defense on the other hand, is where this gets REALLY messy. As stated before Reath is on an island by himself without Victor. Elbert Robinson III doesn’t have the mobility to truly challenge in the paint or even put himself into position to be an effective road block. Aaron Epps, while being pretty athletic and springy, doesn’t have the size the bang and is more effective being rangy. Mays and Patterson are capable defenders but are too often outlasted and outsmarted by veteran SEC guards. You can clearly see flashes of a team that can put a strong defensive unit together but far too often a second or third pass in the halfcourt set entirely shoots their zone or rotations to hell. Not to mention how slow they are getting back in transition regularly. For as frustrating as the offense is to watch they almost look like the 2006 Phoenix Suns compared to what you see on defense from this group.

I really don’t think I need to point out the common link here. On paper, this is a VERY talented team. Most of the guys that log heavy minutes for this squad arrived on campus with some acclaim and or national attention. But these are also young men that need direction to be the best players that they can be. And this is clearly something that Jones has not and is increasingly looking like he cannot do. He doesn’t have a 6’9” forward that runs like a gazelle and is already an above average NBA level passer. He doesn’t have a jack of all trades that relishes playing on the defensive end and can get you a bucket if you call his number. He doesn’t have a sharpshooter that can not only get hot and shoot everyone off the court but also is a scary enough ball handler to space the floor when he’s not making it rain. Jones never capitalized on his abundance of riches last season or even the seasons prior when he had access to talents like Anthony Hickey, Jarrell Martin and Jordan Mickey. For the first time since his return to Baton Rouge he has to lead. By losing six straight and 8 of his last 9 I think he’s answered the question of whether he can or not.

 -H.B.

[redrobin-detective]

Sooo... thoughts on how Tim would've turned out if Janet was the parent who survived Haiti?

I think on the surface level things would have different but the same overarching result.

When Janet woke up from the coma, I think she would've been more demanding of Tim's time and help. Jack, for all his faults, worked very hard to get himself healthy again. I think Janet would have struggled in this area and used Tim as a stand in Dana to get herself fixed. Tim would have done it, working less and less as Robin to do so. He would have been resentful and Janet would have called him ungrateful for all she'd done for him. It would become a vicious cycle of them guilting the other.

Eventually Janet would have gotten herself together but her relationship with her son is cold. She feels a bit guilty for pushing him, for needing him so heavily when he's just a kid. Her 'reward' for him to to try and make things better, she dotes on him like she did when he was a child, tries to engage him. But her knowledge of Tim as a person is 10 years out of date and she can't quite grasp that her son isn't a child but a teenager well on his way to being an independent adult. She babies him when all he craves now is adult acceptance. He needed this years ago but moved on, its too late.

Tim rebuffs her attempts as he gets more bitter about the whole situation. Eventually, Janet grows bored with trying to appeal to Tim and decides to do her own thing. I could see her reengaging with the Gotham society scene, trying to save Drake Industries that way. Ironically the more she's away from the house, the better her and Tim's relationship gets. Distance gives them breathing room and they can actually get along better. I don't see Janet marrying again (though there would be an uncomfortable/sorta hilarious subplot of her trying to marry Bruce for his money since he's already half raising her son and its just.... super awkward for everyone).

If Janet were to find out about Robin, she would also try to take it away from him in a panic. I think she'd do everything she could to keep Tim grounded which would work for a while but Tim would sneak out anyway. She's furious that he disobeys her and says she doesn't care what he does. They never talk about it after nor how Janet cries herself to sleep every night in worry but is too angry/scared at her son to stop him. She realizes that she has no idea how to be a mother, that she's a bad one and just kind of gives up. They live in the same house but she's all but handed over the reigns to Bruce.

Tim leans more heavily into Robin, Janet wines and dines with a fake, bright smile. When they ask after Tim she tells them he's studying or with friends or whatever it is kids do these days. She's miserable and aching and has no idea how to fix the situation she caused so she just pretends that all is well. I want to emphasize that she, like Jack, tries but a) so long apart and b) such different expectations of what Tim should be and c) just pure inability to think outside herself sour any attempt to reach out. The relationship remains cold, uncomfortable, filled with spiteful arguments and unsaid affections until she is killed by Captain Boomerang. Even as she was dying, all she could say is that she failed Tim, she never said she loved him. Maybe she didn't know how.