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alllostinmythoughts · 2 years ago

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My Story

How it all started

I was not born in to the religion but i do consider myself a born in. It’s all I’ve known. My mother was baptized when I was five or six and soon after married my step-father. I do not remember any birthdays, Christmas’, or any other holidays before that point in my life.

My step-father was a fourth generation born in and the religion was everything to his family. We were to carry that legacy on in whatever way possible. Whether by volunteering our time in service or our money in helping others in the congregation. We were to make sure we did nothing to “bring reproach on Jehovah’s name”. It was serious business. Our life revolved around the religion. Not only in our spiritual life but our work and personal life.

My mother was no slouch either. She may have “come from the world” but she was a serious and studious student of the bible. She was a good JW wife and mother. Took care of house and home. Served the congregation as best she could despite her ailments. Our house consistently had brothers and sisters in and out for dinners, barbecues and other get togethers.

I became an un-baptized publisher somewhere between 10 and 12. Not because I felt a calling or anything but because I knew it was expected of me and I already went on service every week with my mother so really it didn’t change anything. I just now had to report those hours I preached.

Doubt

I started to doubt as a preteen. Evolution was one sticking point. I had a very science oriented mind as a child, still do. I just didn’t understand how science could say we evolved but Witnesses say we didn’t. I questioned my mother and she tried to explain it to me and then did what every witness parent does. Pointed me to the “creation book” or Life-How Did It Get Here? By Evolution or by Creation? I read it cover to cover but I still couldn’t shake the idea that hundreds of well educated people came to the conclusion that we came to be through an evolutionary process. But eventually, I knew there was no fighting it, so I just let it go.

Then came doubts about the bible itself. There is so much in the bible that makes me question the organization’s narrative of a loving God verses what God does in the bible. If a person was to do what God did in the bible, I would say that that person was a sociopathic war criminal who should be tried for their crimes against humanity. If you’re someone who believes in the Christian God and believes that the things written in the bible are literal, I’m sorry but this is just my opinion.

Eventually, the expectation of baptism came. At that point, the reasons for me being hesitant wasn’t that I didn’t believe, because I really didn’t know what I believed. I know I wanted to believe, but that was because I knew that if I expressed that anything other than belief, it would alienate me from my family.

Since I wasn’t baptized and underaged, I knew I wouldn’t be kicked out. But it would definitely strain the relationship I had with my mother and sisters. Looking back now, I realized that I would have been in for lecture after lecture from my step-dad. It wouldn’t have been the loving (guilting) approach of trying to bring someone back into the fold I would be reproached for making what he thought was bad and idiotic decision.

I knew there really was only one decision I could make. So, I set the date when there would be an assembly, so I would have to be baptized in front a huge crowd, and I started the questions to be done with two elders. I was baptized in my mid teens.

I look back on that day and I feel numb. I think I felt relief at the time because it was done. The anxiety of knowing that people would constantly be looking at me with the expectation of my baptism would stop. I know now that I didn’t do it for the right reason. I didn’t believe. I just did it, because I knew there was no other choice.

My Step Father

And I continued being miserable. I struggled with my belief and it was not helped by my family life. Like I said, serving Jehovah was supposed to be everything in my family, and that included everything little thing in someones life. How one kept there home, how someone conducted themselves in front of someone else, how someone’s attitude towards work was. And to my step-father there was only one correct way of doing things, and if you didn’t do things that way then as a person, something was wrong with you fundamentally. My father’s way of thinking was based on what the Watchtower taught but to an extreme that I didn’t see in many other family in the organization.

So if the family wasn’t perfect in everything we did, that was not acceptable to my father and we were berated and shamed for it. Sometimes, it felt like nothing my mother did could ever be enough. She strove to keep the house clean to his standards but sometimes she was too tired or there was too much on her plate and he would berate and belittle her. It felt like us kids were never allowed to be kids, we were expected to just get it. You make a mistake once and that was it. Sometimes even a mistake wasn’t allowed. It felt like we were just supposed to know how to do things without explanation.

We would be subject to lectures that would last hours. He would bring up my mothers life before being baptized to shame her. He would imply that she somehow passed on some of her “undesirable” traits on to us kids and that’s why we acted in a way that he didn’t approve of. He would criticize everything little thing we did. Honestly, looking back, some of the things he would criticize us for, was kinda ridiculous. Things that were really not important. In the end, you were left feeling worthless. Trying you’re best would never be enough because if you try your best and you fail, then to him, that means you weren’t trying your best.

Turning Point

After a particular grueling and emotionally exhausting fight, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I went to my mother and told I couldn’t do it anymore. I told her I didn’t believe anymore and that I was agnostic. I told her I would move in with my biological father. Although I was still underaged, I still felt the need to move because I knew the tension would be too much for me. She told me alright but she also reminded me that I wouldn’t be able to talk to my siblings or her anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to see my youngest sister, who was a baby at the time, grow up. That broke my heart, but I said I knew and she said we would talk with everyone later.

That lasted about the day. The reality of my decision caught up to me and I couldn’t take the thought that I could never speak to my family again. Before we could talk to the family I went to her and told her the reason I said all those things was because I couldn't live in a house where in our religion we’re taught one thing but at home we are expected to live an extreme way that one can never attain and that I wanted to stay and I would continue going to meetings.

This reason was partially true. What I was experiencing was what broke the camels back but I was also still questioned my beliefs, I just didn’t want her to know that. And so I started to push everything away, or at least I tried to. They were there, I just ignored them. I overcompensated what I could do to counter the fact that I knew I had doubt and didn’t do more to be involved in the organization. I made sure to keep up to date with everything. I did research for meetings and I probably knew about more events in the bible than my sisters who regularly went out on service and gave bible studies.

Sometimes I look back and wonder if taking everything back and staying was a good idea. I sometimes regret it. I feel I might have saved a lot of heartache.

Leaving

2021. Coming up two years into the COVID-19 pandemic. My sister got married on the 21st of November. On the 28th of November my mother wakes me up. It seems that my parents were waiting for my sister to be married to tell the rest of us, so as not to ruin my sister’s wedding.

I was having one of my bad health days and just couldn’t muster up the energy to get up for meeting. I initially thought she was coming to see if I would be getting up for meeting. She tells me that’s alright, she and daddy just need to tell the family something and after that I can go back to sleep. My hackles immediately rise. Family discussions are usually a toss up on how they can go. I would have never even guess what was about to be discussed.

I walk downstairs with my blanket wrapped around me and sit on the couch. I notice that my mother’s laptop is dialed in to Zoom but not connected to the TV as it usually is, so our family can view the Zoom meeting on a bigger screen. We wait for the everyone to settle in. When everyone is settled my mother moves the laptop to the next room and closes the door because although everybody is usually muted she says she’s any thing can accidentally happen and our conversation could be broadcasted. I get more and more confused by what is happening.

My father and mother look a little nervous. I can’t remember if my mother or father was the one to speak first but they just came out with it immediately. Told us that they would not be going to meetings anymore. I couldn’t believe it. They told us about several things that led them to making that decision.

They told us what they found out about the organization’s hypocrisy with their dealings with the ‘world’. They were a NGO in the UN in the 90’s. If you’re a witness you know that the UN is regarded as the wild beast in Revelation in the bible and that as a witness you are to stay politically neutral and not be a part of any governmental organization. So them being apart of it is kind of a big deal, even if it was only for a decade. They told us of the white-washing of the organizations history. The failed predictions. The double standards expected of different countries.

I remember at one point they turn to my youngest brother and apologize to him and tell him that he was right. You see, a couple of years ago, my brother made it known that he did not believe in the organization and that he was an atheist. That definitely put a strain on the family.

I do not remember who brings it up, but somebody mentions the child sexual abuse in the organization. I have always told myself that that was a line that could not be crossed. That if I found out that the organization was implicit in the cover up of child abuse, that that was it. I could never be in an organization like that.

So that was that. They told us that they wouldn’t stop us from still attending if so desired. They offered to send us all the stuff they found out about if we wanted. They knew that my youngest brother wouldn’t anymore for obvious reasons. My youngest sister was only 8 so, she was just glad to not have to have to wake up early and still for meetings anymore. My oldest youngest brother was past the age that people expected to get baptized, because he always wanted to be 100 percent sure of something before he committed for something and I guess he couldn’t get committed because he wasn’t convinced.

And as for me, I think my mum already had an inkling of where my mind was at, based on previous conversations we have had and provided that time I had told her I couldn’t be a witness anymore. Even if that was years ago. I didn’t give a definitive answer but based on what I said in the conversation, the could infer that I wasn’t going anymore as well.

I let it stew for about two or three days. I guess I just had to let myself come to terms with this big thing that would change everything. I found that I was probably the calmest I had ever been in my entire life. I felt no anxiety. I realized I felt light like a weight had been lifted. I asked mum for all the stuff she found. It didn’t change anything, just gave me concrete proof of what I already suspected.

Aftermath

Unfortunately, we did not leave unscathed. We decided to fade. For those not in the know. Fading is when someone decided not to announce that they will no longer be a Jehovah’s Witness anymore. They will stop going to meetings, without saying anything. This way the elders technically cannot disfellowship (ex-communicate) you. So technically family and friends brave enough can still talk to you without the elders telling them anything.

My parents decided they would tell my sisters, not everything but just that they found stuff out and that they could not in good conscience be apart of the organization. That did not go over well for one of the three sisters and later a second one.

The youngest sister of us four oldest basically told us she had to shun us. She was on my parents insurance and requested to be removed even though she is incredibly sick right now and needs it. She sold the car my parents gave as a wedding present. She only calls to update my mum on her health condition. Because the youngest is not baptized, she still talks to her. She tried to keep in contact with the oldest brother but he would try to ask questions about the organization that’s he could not answer and he got frustrated, so they don’t talk anymore.

The third oldest at first seemed like she wasn’t going to shun us. It seemed just strained at first, which was expected but then she just disappeared. She quit working at my parents business and would not tell my mother where she would be working now. When mum would try and text her, she would only give one word answers and so communication petered out.

The oldest after me still talks to us. She works for my parents and regularly calls my mother. My youngest sister goes over to her apartment almost every Friday. Though the relationship has recently become strained because she is in between my sisters and us. Trying to be neutral but that obviously can’t last forever when my sisters ask her not to talk about them.

Now

Now it’s been 1 year, 4 months, and 14 days since that day. (Yes I did look up exactly how long it’s been.) I have missed two memorials, and have not attended one meeting, assembly, or convention since then. I have gotten therapy. (Shout out to my amazing therapist) Birthdays have been celebrated. We celebrated Christmas last year for the first time. My sister got to dress up for Halloween.

I am trying to move forward. Trying to find myself in the rest of the world. This blog is supposed to be a first step. Hopefully I get there.

#ex jehovah's witness #exjw #ex jw #ex cult #long post #very long post

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starlightkun · 9 months ago

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are you more of a plotter or pantser when you write?

ngl i did have to look this up, and i suppose im a bit of both? like, when i say i have a scene planned out, or that i have x words of planning, or that i have an outline, idk what other writers' planning/outlines look like (aside from the outlines they made us use in elememtary school you know). my word docs for a story always reserve the top part for "planning/outlining" then i have a divider, and under that is where the prose of the story actually starts. when i count word counts of drafts, i only count what's actually written in that second part, from beginning then through the scenes chronologically.

i usually don't start writing a fic until i have not only a solid idea, but also a general concept of the plot (though as my recent posts allude, i tend to have difficulties wrapping it up after the climax). sometimes a scene comes to me first and i have to then build the rest of the au and plot around that scene, but i usually don't start writing what i consider to be in that "prose" section until i have some grasp on the overall fic.

and my "planning/outlining" section usually looks like this:

- x au, a!neo, b!reader, (ft. any important side character)

- if it's majorly involved au like frankenstein complex or strawberry sunday, i'll make a short character list. like in strawbsunday it looked like:

Human!Johnny [roommates w MK]

Fairy!Jungwoo [roommates w TI, DY] ; Vampire!Jaehyun [roommates w TY]

Witch!Doyoung [roommates w TI, JW]

and so on. that one also went in descending height order (members who are officially the same height were next to each other in the list, like jaewoo), bc for a time at the beginning, i was playing with having their height be affected by their species, but that ended up not mattering in the end. i also had so many characters who were roommates bc it was a college au that i needed to be able to remember who lived with who after a while, so that went in the list too.

- then a brief paragraph describing the major story beats

- The Scene that made me get inspired to write it, if there is one, usually all dialogue written in a big block of text like this: "Abcd ef ghijk lmn opqr st uv." YN "Wxy zabcde fg hij klm nopqr st uvw." NEO "Xyz?" YN "Xyz. Abcd, efg hijk lmnopqr. Stuv!" NEO

- more scenes, only dialogue like above

so that's how my "planning/outlining" can be 8k+, it's my "sketches" of upcoming scenes that i haven't gotten to yet in the "prose" portion. and while im writing, i'll usually get ideas for upcoming scenes, and add their "sketches" to my planning area at the top. sometimes i don't always know exactly how all the little pieces will fit in, and kind of have to assemble them into a little frankendraft by the end. and sometimes i find that little snippets of dialogue that i thought would be perfect ended up not fitting anywhere, or had to be minorly/majorly modified.

i often go into unexpected places, and find out a lot about my characters while i write! i have my loose outline and im flexible with it if i find that the story is headed in a different direction as i go (like, for example, in changer, i was originally imagining sungchan asking reader out at the end of the valentine's day event at the boba shop and have it be more of a second chances things, but as i wrote it i realized that my werewolf sungchan was too much of a loserboy to do that and it wouldve felt a bit forced imo)

#i think that was way more than you asked for but i rlly dont know how other authors plan/outline/draft so i felt the need to explain #i continue to add to my outline/planning as i write lmao #slowly pulling stuff down from the planning into the main prose until theres nothing left and/or its done (which isnt always the same time)#answered #anonymous #talk #text #mine #writing tag

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jw-horror-stories · 9 months ago

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PIMO venting here!

i have a story from an assembly i had to go to last summer! i remember i was so disinterested in the whole thing and i was pressured to go even tho i was feeling horrible and i was going thru a major period of gender dysphoria so the idea of wearing a suit was a really disgusting idea to me

i went to use the washroom at one point to freshen up and i saw a man drag his kid into a washroom stall and began giving her “corporal punishment”, even tho the kid was crying and asking him to stop. nobody in the room had the fucking decency to question it, and i hate myself so much for not doing anything even tho i was there and seeing it! i was completely shaken the rest of the day and when i got home i wanted to hurl

later i mentioned this to a jw family member and how i was so disgusted that it was allowed for a child to suffer and that it was ok for her to scream in anguish. the best (or worst) thing about it was he was apologetic for it! he said that it was ok and even permissible! and this was coming from a bethelite and an elder, someone you’d think to be the best of the best.

safe thing to say is that i think in that moment is when i started down on this path to becoming PIMO.

Corporal punishment is seen as more acceptable among previous generations (Boomers, Gen X, even some early Millenials). I'm afraid corporal punishment covers far beyond the confines of Jehovah's Witnesses. Still, if there's one thing I can say about the cult, it's that they're very slow to change or adaptation, so I predict this would continue to be a thing for them.

Hope all goes well with your eventual (if not current) HRT.

-Degurechaff

#mod degurechaff #jehovah's witnesses #jwhs #jehovah's witness #jehovah's witness horror stories #submission #jehovas witnesses

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ausetkmt · 2 years ago

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The 2023 BET Awards began Sunday night with a bevy of rappers and artists set to honor the 50th anniversary of hip-hop.

Coco Jones, Doechii and GloRilla have been nominated for awards and are set to perform. Iconic rap groups and emcees including MC Lyte, Big Daddy Kane, Kid ’n Play, Master P, Remy Ma, Yo-Yo and the 69 Boyz will take the stage, too.

On Friday, BET announced Busta Rhymes as the recipient of the lifetime achievement award. Patti LaBelle told Rolling Stone she will perform a tribute to the late Tina Turner at the ceremony. Turner died in May; she was 83.

Though there will not be a host, DJs will cue performers and celebrities to take the stage throughout the ceremony. TV and film writers, including those who might normally work on the BET Awards, are currently on strike over pay and working conditions.

In May, the MTV Movie & TV Awards aired a pre-taped show without a host due to the writers strike. The Tony Awards, hosted by Ariana DeBose, was also unscripted.

The 2023 BET Awards Pre-Show Gets Off To A Rocky Start

The 2023 BET Awards is having some absolutely horrific sound issues at its pre-show special. It sounds like a static-y mess as performers hop on the stage before the awards ceremony begins at 8 p.m. ET. JW Velly, the artist behind the viral TikTok song “Pretty Girls Walk,” performed to a crowd outside the Microsoft Center seemingly without a hitch to the audience, who cheered her on. But at home, several HuffPost reporters – who were watching through livestreams and on the BET Network itself — were struggling to understand anything. Unclear what exactly is happening — but at one point the sound completely went out.

D-Nice Is A Rapper? How Late Are We?

D-Nice raps? Where I been at lol. A little hip-hop history for me. I just knew him as a DJ. Dope to know he had a whole rap career in the '80s. — Taryn

Getty Images

MC Lyte Steps From Backstage To Center Stage

THE VOICE IS ON THE MIC! MC Lyte has been the voice of the BET Awards for years, so it’s so good to see her onstage doing the damn thing. — Taryn

Yes, she’s always behind the scenes doing her thing so it’s great to see her take the stage. — Erin

Makes my heart so happy. Haven’t seen her o- screen since her “Half and Half” days on UPN! — Ruth

What’s wild is that she has a whole TV show! “Partners in Crime” on the streaming service allBlk. — Erin

The BET Awards Red Carpet Looks … I Am Closing My Eyes

In the words of the late, great André Leon Talley, it’s a famine of beauty. I did not anticipate struggling this much to assemble the 2023 BET Awards best-dressed list. — Ruth

Patti LaBelle Forgets Lyrics During Tina Turner Tribute

I was so excited when it was announced that Patti LaBelle was doing the tribute to Tina Turner. Well, it quickly took a turn for the worse when I could hear the background singer over her. And then she was stumbling over her words. My word. I’m surprised she took it in stride without that teleprompter. They shoulda had Angela Bassett get up there for all this. — Erin

“I’m trying, y’all!” —Patti LaBelle trying her damnedest to tribute Tina Turner.

This felt like when she sang at the 1996 White House Christmas tree lighting ceremony and was looking for her background singers. Because of how much I love that video, I was low-key getting my life. But then I remembered this was supposed to be THE Tina Turner tribute because it was Patti LaBelle signing it and on BET.

They did Tina dirty and I don’t like that. I know there have been sound issues all night, but damn! It’s almost as if there were no sound checks at all with all these blatant hiccups. Ms. Turner, I am so sorry. You deserved better. — Taryn

Christ on Earth. What is going ON?! Exactly that, Taryn! I couldn’t tell if the audio was tripping again, or if a background singer was doing too much. But I’m in disbelief. It makes me wonder if she was a last-minute selection for the tribute, or like you said, Taryn, there was maybe one rehearsal. And the way Patti just exited the stage and said, “Bye, y’all!” I need a meme or GIF of that. — Ruth

Getty Images

R.I.P. Biz Markie

I’m LOVING this tribute to Biz. Singing along with the TV and everything. I can tell BET is about to do hip-hop right with this tribute. — Taryn

I have a fun memory at a party deejayed by Biz Markie. He was the DJ at The Root's inaugural ball for President Barack Obama. My mom and I had a ball that night. — Erin

It Is Culture's Biggest Night On BET

The BET Awards begin at 8 p.m. ET, and HuffPost reporters and editors will be watching to keep you updated on all the biggest moments of the night. Stay tuned to see who stuns on the red carpet, who takes home an award and whose performances set the stage ablaze.

The night is set to include an epic tribute to the rappers and artists who made hip-hop culture what it is today to celebrate hip-hop's 50th anniversary.

#BET Awards 2023 #BET Awards #Patti LaBelle forgets lyrics during Tina Turner Tribute

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quesadillawizard · 1 year ago

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When you have an AU of an AU of an AU of a fandom character you like that has NOTHING left from the source material, that's just an OC, baby!

Same thing happened with JW. I bet you can't guess who he used to be unless you're a long-time follower XD

So FAR, this guy has nothing fantasy about him, but we'll see how long that lasts.

MEET LARRY.

Larry lives life to the fullest! He's outgoing and open and friendly. He lives on the west coast of the United States and primarily does 'gig' type jobs for work. Doordash, Instacart, Uber, assembling ikea furniture or painting porches. Things like that. Sometimes he works for temp agencies. He gets bored easily so he doesn't stay in any one job for TOO long.

Larry doesn't say 'no' to new experiences very often, which lets him live a life of adventure but occasionally gets him into trouble. Unfortunate tattoos, losing his pants, getting arrested. He doesn't cause harm but he IS annoying.

When he was 10 years old, he nearly got hit by an icecream truck (which is a feat because they are very slow) but he claims this is what gave him his thirst for life.

Larry has a hard time hanging onto friends. Either they can't keep up with him or he gets distracted by befriending someone else. Same with dating. He's had many girlfriends and boyfriends, but none of them stick.

He has no trouble talking to strangers and can talk about anything until he's told to shut up.

His heart is big and he is flirty when someone gets his attention. Nine times out of ten, he will take a 'no thank you' but sometimes he persists.

FOMO is a big deal for him. In his darker hours, he fears running out of time or wasting time or missing out on something.

#larry

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myrickhair · 2 years ago

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We really enjoyed the assembly today. First day back in 3 yrs was kinda surreal. #jw #jwfamily #circuitassembly #circuitassembly2023 (at Kingdom Hall of Jehovahs Witnesses) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpJzzSaupd9/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#jw #jwfamily #circuitassembly #circuitassembly2023

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orthotv · 3 days ago

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ministryideaz · 1 year ago

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Helping Kids Stay Engaged at the Assembly - A Parent's Guide with a Twist

🎪 Parents, keep your little ones engaged at the JW Assembly with our 'Enter Into God's Rest' Activity Book! Packed with sticker puzzles & activities, it's a fun & educational way to nurture their spiritual growth. 🌟 #JWAssembly #ChildrensActivityBook

Parents, step right up! You’re the ringmasters of the greatest show on earth – keeping kids engaged at a JW Circuit Assembly. It’s a high-wire act that takes a bit of circus magic (minus the actual magic, of course). But never fear, we’ve got some show-stopping tips to help your little ones stay focused and entertained. Roll Out the Red Carpet of Praise: Kids thrive on applause, so let’s get…

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#"Enter Into God&039;s Rest"#Assembly Workbook #Become Jehovah&039;s Friend #Children&039;s Activity Book #Circuit Assembly #Jehovah&039;s Witnesses #JW Assembly #Kid-friendly #Spiritual growth #Theocratic learning

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debspassion · 3 months ago

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Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Johnny Was Shilo Dolman Tiered Knit Dress.

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amnotaqueen · 7 months ago

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Not A True Disciplinarian

My JW narc husband is not a true disciplinarian. I would describe him as a punisher instead. We are taught from the Bible as Jehovah's Witnesses to discipline our children with love. My husband doesn't think he is disciplining unless he is spanking or punishing him in some way, and his absolute favorite method to punish is to spank. He loves to get switches to spank with. Slapping is a particularly demeaning way to discipline a child, especially one with developmental disabilities. What is he slapping him for? Because he is frustrated? Unacceptable. He is not very patient and usually he is very angry and screaming. Most times he seems to not take into account that our son has special needs; autism, intellectual disability, ADHD too, most likely. So, he is not going to have the same abilities and behaviors of a typically developing child his age. Why doesn't that register with him? It's like, someone with a broken leg is not going to walk a mile in the same amount of time as someone without any broken leg. To punish a person with a broken leg for not finishing a mile in the same amount of time as other able-bodied individuals is just plain unfair and cruel and makes no sense. You would give them extra time, yes leniency and congratulate them on their efforts for completing the mile.

And the things he chooses to get upset about are totally ridiculous to me. Its as if he expects our son to behave like a mature adult instead of a child. Today at our religious meetings at the Kingdom Hall, our son (7 yrs old) asked me a couple of times if he could have pizza for lunch. He seems to have a fast metabolism and is ready to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours. Now, when we get home he starts declaring that because our son asked for pizza for lunch while at the meeting, he could not have pizza. Because, he said, no one should be thinking about pizza at the meeting so he needed to be punished. Now, I know that just about everyone in that place has some fleeting thoughts from time to time that don't have anything to do with the Bible or anything spiritual. Some people might think briefly about what they themselves will eat later, about work they have to do, errands they have to run, something that happened before the meeting, the pain they feel, etc. And the children especially have not developed the ability to keep their minds strictly on the program at all times. They are naturally thinking about what they will do after the meeting, friends, etc at times. I think it's ludacris to even expect them not to do that. Punishment is not warranted. At this stage, kind suggestions with explanations are all that is necessary. Reminders for him to pay attention during the program. He is actually doing so much better and it is very difficult for him to focus and sit still even for short periods of time. He even participated at the meeting, by giving a simple comment. He needed to be commended and encouraged, not punished. And this idea of punishment for a young child mentioning food at the meeting instead of paying perfect attention throughout the entirety of the meeting is coming from a grown man who himself falls asleep at the meetings and assemblies and conventions. He asks our son, no- he demands that our son never sleep at any meeting or assembly. He actually expects our son to live up to his standard that even he himself does not live up to as an adult. Ridiculous. Hypocritical. Unrealistic. To me, he is really out of touch with reality.

I do think the real reason he was denying him pizza is because he doesn't like him to eat pizza period. He thinks our son and I should eat how he eats. Pizza is unhealthy as is most American food and he hates to see us eat any of it. He felt like our son had had enough junk and he wanted to use an excuse to deny him and he pizza without saying I just don't want you to eat anymore. He tried to make our son believe that he was just such a bad and awful child to have thoughts of food during the meeting and that he deserved to be punished. It's interesting that my husband minimizes his greater errors and maximizes tiny infractions of a child. His having a girlfriend outside of our marriage, just a minor thing to him. He still views himself as perfect.

Discipline is about correcting and guiding in love. Doesn't always need to be wrath, screaming, anger, and corporal punishment. That's what he is stuck on.

#bad marriage #emotional abuse #narcissism #narcissistic abuse #narc

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