#JUST 2 IBUS IN ONE DAY ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

[antique-forvalaka]

And if a doctor does mention endo but actively argues against a laproscopy to make sure��� dump them. Strong period pain isnt always endo, and it needs to be checked to rule out some other causes – apart from the fact that a laproscopy can also be used to immediately remove a few of the problematic tissue build-ups that cause the pain. Saldy it's only a temporary solution, but it does help.

Additionally, what i found to be the only thing that helps me personally apart from a lot of painkillers is red clover flower tea. You can order it loose online or at pharmacies, and while it doesnt reduce the pain to 0 it does bring it down from 7-8 to a good 4-6, sometimes even 3-4. And keeps you hydrated and your painkiller use a bit more controlled. I think this might help with other period related pain as well, not only just endo, but it might be on an individual basis.

important reminder for people who menstruate:

if your cramps are so painful you can't do daily tasks, take care of yourself or get out of bed. if you pass out or vomit from cramps. if you can't walk or stand up properly from cramps. if you need to take pain medicine when you get cramps or else you will get sick, pass out, whatever.

seek medical help. people talk about how painful cramps are, and it's true, but there's a level of pain that simply isn't normal, and you need to get it checked

signed: someone who was recently diagnosed with endometriosis

[adwiyatunnafisah]

Hi, my life

Welcome to 2021.

1st year old of suck pandemic.

Chaos? Of course

Bored? So badly.

Everyone in this world just don’t know what to do.

Its suck pandemic make everyone going be crazy.

Udahan ah ngomongin pandeminya

Lelah.

Just talk about my life

Hai 2021

Hi my life

As a wife

As a mom.

My daughter turning 1st year.

Im so happy, she is an adorable girl, smart and pretty.

Udah mulai kerasa vibes dan profesi baru jadi emak

Maklum, tahun pertama emang jadi tahun adaptasi bagi semua emak di dunia.

Jadwal jadwal tidur yang berantakan, mood yang ga karuan

Mimpi mimpi dan rencana yang bergeser

Prioritas yang ditata ulang

Kehilangan waktu me time dan bahkan ga menyadari kondisi diri sendiri.

Yes, I did. I through it.

Akhirnya tahun pertama as a mom berlalu,

Emang bener kalo ada quotes quotes yang bilang kalo lahiran itu bukan hal yang paling sakit dan susah, karena setelah lahiran jauh lebih susah wkwk.

Dulu (cie udah bisa bilang dulu, haha) waktu Hilwa (yes, my daughter’s name) lahir, kondisi gue ga karuan setelahnya

Alhamdulillah ga sampe ngerasain baby blues sih,

But because everythings is change a lot at one time, of course my life was chaos.

Jadi orangtua, spesifiknya jadi ibu emang ga ada sekolahnya (padahal gue udah ikutan komunitas ibu professional lhoh dulu wkwk), urusan pertetek bengekan masalah menyusui, ASI, ganti popok, kenapa tiba tiba kulit bayi merah, how to handle her crying, daan lain lainnya

Ada manusia baru yang hadir di hidup kita memang butuh adaptasi, perubahan yang terjadi ga bisa dihentikan atau ditunda.

Everything just takes time.

But unfortunately, Kalau kita udah lahiran, dan otomatis kita jadi ibu, semua orang atau kebanyakan orang gamau tau, lo ibunya, lo harus paham dan ngerti semuanya. Ya pokoknya gamau tau lah.

So sad L

Padahal masa masa awal kelahiran rentan banget buat kesehatan mental ibu.

Bayangin ya, baru aja melalui proses panjang secara fisik, mau lahiran normal  atau sc semua sama sama berat coy.

Terus pas udah lahiran, ada bayi, semuanya berubah dan fokus sama bayinya.

Everyone care to the baby.

It’s a good things? Yes, of course.

But if you only care to the baby, its not.

Akhirnya emaknya jadi nomer dua, pokoknya yang penting bayi.

Ga ada yang salah memprioritaskan bayi, tapi yang salah adalah menyalahkan, memojokkan dan membuat ibu tidak nyaman.

But, Alhamdulillah thankful to Allah

I passed it.

Alhamdulillah juga ga ada drama drama awal kelahiran yang

Membuat stressfull, ASI lancar, bayi oke.

Alhamdulillah punya suami yang sportif dan mau kerja sama, sama sama begadang, sama sama khawatir dan sama sama belajar.

Pas udah jadi orangtua tuh ya berasa banget kalo kita itu bener bener jadi –kita-

Maksudnya dulu kan kalo masih manten baru gitu yaa kita ya kita (apasih lo mi wkwk) kita as a couple gitu, dikenal orang pasangan suami istri gitu ya

Tapi pas jadi orangtua, kita beneran jadi kita as a parent for kids gitu

Di dalam rumah tangga kita bener-bener harus jadi kita, karena namanya orangtua ya harus kerjasama

Aturan-aturan, berbagi peran sebagai ibu dan ayah

Dll. Pas jadi orangtua baru berasa gunanya manajemen komunikasi dan emosi.

Gimana kita berdua bisa sama-sama menyampaikan yang kita rasakan dan kita mau terkait parenting, tentang harapan dan apa yang telah kita lakukan.

Tentang apa yang akan kita lakukan dan rencanakan.

Seru?

Banget., haha

Tapi juga ngeri ngeri sedaap

Sekarang keputusan kita akan sesuatu akan berdampak pada manusia lain (re: bayi mungil).

Keputusan kita sekecil apapun akan mempengaruhi bagaimana ia tumbuh dan berkembang, serem ga sih kalo dipikir-pikir? Wkwk

Tapi ya namanya sunnatullah, jalanin aja semua ada waktunya,

Everything has a first time.

Kita tahu ini adalah pertama kalinya untuk kita,

Tapi bukan berarti kita boleh semaunya tanpa rencana,

Because this is my first, so I will do my best, right?

Jadi ibu ga mudah, tapi juga ga sesulit yang dibayangkan.

Jadi orangtua itu ga sederhana, tapi ga serumit yang dipikirkan.

Kadang kalo ada notifikasi memori di media sosial “foto anda 2 tahun lalu, 3 tahun lalu, 4 tahun lalu” suka mikir, dulu gue di foto ini udah mikirin tentang pernikahan dan parenting belom ya? haha

Boro boro mikirin parenting, kayanya ngeliat pernikahan aja masih yang unyu unyunya doang, ga keliatan tuh asem garemnya kehidupan pasca pernikahan hahaha dasar mahasiswa.

Terus bersyukur aja gitu, Allah ngasih kesempatan ada di titik ini,

Ngerasain jadi ibu, jadi istri sekaligus jadi working mom (curhadd)

Rasanya jungkir balik ngatur waktu supaya semuanya seimbang,

Rasanya mood yang roller coaster karna domestic vs public.

Rasanya capek abis kerja seharian, keujanan terus liat rumah berantakan, cucian numpuk, anak belepotan dan makan malem belom siap :”).

Semua ada waktunya, semua ada seninya.

Dinikmatin aja.

Disyukurin bisa merasakan semuanya.

Teruntuk dikadik dan teman-teman yang sedang sibuk mengerjakan aktivitas tapi di sela sela suka baper dan iri liat yang udah nikah,

Just enjor your life, take your time as you can, as long as you want for being your self.

Ga ada kata terlambat, semua ada waktunya

Nikmatin selagi bisa, just do what can you do, what can you want.

Bukan berate setelah nikah ga bisa dilakuin,

But when you got marriage, your life is change a lot.

Ada orang-orang atau lingkaran lain yang harus difikirkan dan didiskusikan.

Dan untuk para emak-emak newbie like me,

Yuk bisa yuk

Wkwk

Apapun yang sedang kita hadapi hari ini,

Just take a deep breath

Remember,

One day that we spent with our kiddos today,

It will be her/his childhood memories than.

Be our best!

Enjoy your meals everyone!

 Tegal, 21 maret 2021

-Adwiyatunnafisah

[imperfekti]

Tenipuri Party: Echizen Ryouma profile translation

TN:

In the absence of an official English version, this translation is intended to help those who can’t read the material in the original language. Please support Tenipuri by getting your own copy of this book - it is worth it! There are various ways of purchasing it even for those not living in or visiting Japan.

The pictures I have included in this post do not show full pages.

On Echizen’s style of speech: he uses boyish style with pretty straightforward and brief sentences. In Japan it wouldn’t be considered exactly polite in style, even if the content is not exactly rude.

I’m still working on Japanese, so there might be mistakes. Please let me know if you spot any translation errors so I can fix them here!

U-17 Japanese representative, middle schooler Seishun Gakuen tennis club player 33,432 votes

Leading to the stars, going beyond Tenimuhou - the samurai that conquers any heights!

Message

You’ve always been looking at me, haven’t you. I’m grateful for that. Thanks. Regardless of the ranking, I’m your number one. Right? Cheer for me more and more. Because I’ll take you along and go even higher.

Profile

Middle school 1st year / December 24th /  Capricorn / O type / 151 → 152.5 cm / 50 → 47 kg / Left handed

Special techniques: Twist serve, Drive A, Drive B, Drive C, Drive D, Cool Drive, Muga no kyouchi, Tenimuhou no kiwami, Samurai Drive, Hope (kanji: Hikaru Dakyuu)

Play style: All-rounder

Family: Father, mother, female cousin, cat (Karupin)

Father’s occupation: A temple’s substitute head priest

Hobbies: Clearing borrowed games, watching cat videos

Favourite saying: All or Nothing

Favourite color: Silver

Favourite foods: Fried fish (the type with not much bones), Chawanmushi, famous sweets

Favourite book: TENNIS LIFE (an American tennis magazine)

Favourite music: J-pop

Preferred type of person: Someone who looks good in a ponytail

Preferred date spot: Santa Monica Pier Pacific Park

Most wanted thing right now: A smart watch

Weakness: Early wake-ups, paparazzi

Elementary school: Los Angeles State Saint Youth Middle-school 

Committee: Library committee

Strong subjects: English, chemistry

Weak subjects: Home-ec (cooking), Japanese 

Often-visited place in school: Under the big tree behind the school

Uses allowance on: Fanta

Skills beyond tennis: Being liked by animals, peeling fruits cleanly, horseback riding(?) 

Routines during tournaments: Soaking in an open-air bath

Favourite anniversary: Any day as long as there’s tennis

Preferred travel destination: Snow viewing onsen

Present for a special person: Just tell me what you want

Interview

“As long as I can play tennis, I don’t care which team I play for”

Congratulations on being reinstated as Japan’s representative! For Echizen-senshu, what was the experience of fighting as an American representative like?

What was it like…? Normal. As long as I can play tennis, the country is irrelevant.

Did you have a strong desire to play on the same team as Ryouga-senshu?

No, I wanted to play against him. But in the end, he was being evasive and escaped.

Where there any impressions you had looking at the Japanese team from the outside?

They’ve changed a bit, somehow. Fuji-senpai, Atobe-san, that person called “the child of god”. And… Akutsu-san too. Not bad, everyone.

Is that the reason you returned to Japan’s team?

Not really. It’s just that when I thought about who were the people that made me strong… If you’re fighting together with someone, I guess I’d do it here.

Sometimes, a samurai-like aura can be felt around Echizen-senshu.

Hmm… I don’t know since I can’t tell myself. When I was fighting the French prince, I guess it was said that he was a knight and I was a samurai. He was a troublesome guy, but the match with him was fun. Well, I’ll win next time too. The horseback match was a tie, but next time I’ll win that one too.

Party Talk

Q: Is there any table with players you’re interested in? A: Not really… But I guess there are strong looking guys at the German table. Well, I’d beat all of them.

Q: You offered Fanta to Tokugawa-san, didn’t you? A: He drank it in one go. I wonder if it was that good.

Q: Could it be you’re having taiyaki for the first time? A: Yeah. Why is it shaped like a fish? I’ll eat from the head side.

Q: Your suit is wonderful. Did you tie the necktie yourself? A: …How about not treating me like a kid? Well, I had it tied for me.

Q: Ah, suddenly a cat is clinging to Echizen-kun...! A: The Australian rep’s cat? There, there…

Fashion

“When we met by coincidence the other day, you were wearing a T-shirt with a strange design. What country’s brand was that?” (Yukimura)

“I’ll give you some hand-me-downs next time. But maybe they’ll be too big for you, Chibisuke?” (Ryouga)

“Koshimae is always wearing a cap! Lend it to me too!” (Tooyama)

“Basically I like clothes that are easy to move in. I guess I wear half-pants and shorts a lot.” (Echizen)

“Heeey Echizen! Are you wearing the socks we bought for color variation when we went shopping?” (Momoshiro)

Album

This is an album that happened to be in my backpack when I came to Australia. I think I got it after the nationals when I was leaving for America. Look at this and remember, they said. …But email and phones exist. Mada mada ne. 

Room

Looks like stuff from America has increased While I was gone, mom and the others have rearranged my room, and exchanged stuff like the TV for a new one. The stuff I was made to take to the camp has also increased. I always play tennis at home too, though, so I’m only in the room when I sleep.  

History

Age 0 December 24 Birth

Age 5 Eats his beloved dried kombu at home Lives together with Ryouga for a short while in Los Angeles During elementary school, wins American Jr. tournament 4 times in a row

Age 11 September Graduates from Los Angeles State Saint Youth Returns to Japan with his family Goes to an onsen for the first time, likes it too much, sticks to using a bathtub (*1)

Age 12 April Enters Seishun Gakuen's middle school department, becomes a regular in the tennis club At a family restaurant, orders a kid’s meal recommended by Momoshiro Victory at district preliminaries finals (Fudoumine), wins against Ibu in S2 Loses to Tezuka at the courts under the overpass

June In Tokyo prefectural quarterfinals (St. Rudolph), wins against Yuuta in S3 Victory of the tournament (Yamabuki), wins against Akutsu in S2 Struggles with classics at the end of term tests, study session at Fuji’s house

July In the first round of the Kantou regionals (Hyoutei), wins against Hiyoshi as the reserve player Second round (Midoriyama), wins against Kiraku in S3

July 24 Wins against Kirihara at a tennis club in Kanagawa

July 27 Tournament victory (Rikkai), wins against Sanada in S1

August 17 Nationals tournament second round (Higa), wins against Tanishi in S3

August 19 Quarterfinals (Hyoutei), wins against Atobe in S1 Semifinals (Shitenhouji), has a one point match with Tooyama that ends in a draw Drinks “Cola” in the yakiniku battle

August 21 Loses his memory during the training with Nanjirou in Karuizawa 

August 23 Nationals finals (Rikkai), arrives at the stadium by Atobe's helicopter Regains his memory through playing against his past rivals Wins against Yukimura in S1, wins the nationals championship

August 26 Goes to America

November Returns to Japan, participates in the U-17 camp Doesn’t play against Minami in the friendly-fire matches, loss Participates in the mountaintop training With Tanishi and Kenya, finds a secret passageway at the depths of the cave Protects Tokugawa, has to leave the camp; goes to America together with Ryouga Beats 24 American representative contenders, becomes an American representative Does BBQ with Kiko and Dudu, fries fish

December U-17 pre-world cup begins Faces Tube Republic, wins the first match U-17 world cup begins Match against Sweden, wins against their captain (*2) Calms his worries, returns to Japan’s team and becomes a representative Beats Aramenoma in an unofficial match Gets lost with Tooyama in the athlete village (*3) Quarterfinals (France), wins against the Prince in S3

TN:

*1 I don’t really understand the sentence fully, so this is a bit of a guess.

*2 In the magazine release, this match was against Denmark, but was changed into Sweden in the volume release. 

*3 Literally “becomes a lost child”.

[graciouslypure]

Twenty twenty

It is 8th of January 2020.

Honestly, I cant feel the transition of the decade at all (if it was not for the count down on tv2).

Late December 2019 and early January 2020 saw us in such profound situations, an awakening to a humble start of the year, start of the decade.

Fire in Australia, bombing here and there, flood, pandemic, etcetera etcetera.

Through December, my sister suffered from a severe headache, that wont allow her to even stand up properly, affecting her whole head, down to the neck and right shoulder. She depended on painkiller to go through everyday. To make it worst, as a final year dental student, she could hardly attend to her patients. This went on for weeks and the GP suggested her to see a neurologist as they could not detect her problem. She kept on delaying coming back as she feels that she had a lot to complete and on the other hand, she had'nt prepared for any diagnosis.

As she could barely handle the continous and horrendous pain, she flew home and set an appointment with a neurologist at a private hospital (after several arrangements). At this time, I was lucky because my little brother was around, along with my sister's best friend to accompany us. She undergone CT scan and MRI, and was suspected glioma, with diffused hyperintense lesion on the right cerebullar cortex. As laymen, we were so worried with this condition, as the specialist suggested another MRI if the pain persist after some medication, thatvis after two months. However, ibu consulted our cousin and a family friend, and they asked to seek for second opinion.

Allah is great!

Ibu's friend suggested another specialist in a government hospital who subspecialised in neurointerventional radiology. He suggested that my sister come home again by end of that week as her condition may deteriorate fast and January would be too late. So again, she came back in the same month, underwent another set of MRA and MRI and it was confirmed right pica territory infarction. There were necrosis tissues in the blood vessels, inhibiting it to supply blood and oxygen to certain area of the brain. In simple term, its stroke! Stroke? Stroke, people! It's a mild stroke but if goes untreated, could cause paralysis. Condition is not reversible but can be prevented in other places. Once the brain cells are dead, they can not be regenerated. Naudzubillah min zalik.

I have to state that my sister is an active, healthy 26 year old. She goes gym at least twice a week and eats healthily. I mean: she cuts sugar, and drinks plain water most of the time too! What could possibly go wrong? So the specialist referred her to another neurosurgeon for the treatment management. Alhamdulillah, it wasnt a rare case, a lot of older people gets them, but in youngsters, statistically only one case per year.

Now, just as my sister flew back to her place, my son was down with a high fever. This was the last day of 2019. Just four days before, we went for a follow up with a paedatrician on his speech delay at another hospital (the last appointment it seemed, as fahim has overcome his problem, alhamdulillah). We went to our usual outing to the mall on the weekend before too. On the first day of 2020, we went to see a GP as Fahim's temperature didnt subside even after pcm supp. So the GP prescribed diclofenac sodium (NSAID) (yes, wait for it!) besides antibiotic and flu syrup. We happily returned home cause after one whole day, that's the only medication that made Fahim's temperature back to normal. So we continued giving him the supps up to day 4, having used 4 whole supps...

On Day 3, my husband then catch a cold too. His, was different. He could feel the heat and pain, concentrated on the head and eyes area. He shivers a lot and his cold sweats dampens our couch. So the next day, again we went to GP, and he tested my husband for Influenza.. And he was Influenza A positive. We were so sure that he got the virus from Fahim, so the doctor referred us to the hospital. At this time, my good old friend told me not to use the NSAID. And just minutes after, the news spread of acute encephalopathy associated with influenza in small kids and NSAID was everywhere! On whatssap, facebook, news, you name it! We freaked out and worried sick! Even at the hospital, (we chose another government hospital) the emergency department couldnt admit my husband and fahim, but politely gave us quarantine leave for five days and some medication for the whole quarantine time. She said at least 50 positive cases of influenza were referred there daily! Definitely an outbreak. But after 2 weeks if the symptoms still around or the condition worsens, we were to come back to the hospital. Even the supposed medicine for Influenza were reserved only for critical patients. We had to make sure Fahim and Fahmy drinks lotss of water and take PCM timely.

So, quarantine. Seems simple.

When you are in your second trimester, with a toddler and a husband with Influenza A to take care of, its farrrr from simple, ladies and gentlemen.

(At this point I am still contemplating to write on the challenges or not, seems ungrateful and as if I am the only one facing this, but as a wife and a mother, you learn every now and then, forever. So. Here are some for the memories.)

1. Your kid who lovesss medicine refuse to take medicine the time you wanted him to and I literally had to force him with a taek-wan-do white belt that I have. And pcm is 4 hourly.

2. His temperature would stay at 39 degree celcius. Come down around 37.8-9 for an hour, after an hour or 2 of pcm, than you feed him another round of pcm. Back to 1st point.

3. As temperature hardly comes down, you had to "jerlum" a loghat we learned from the emergency medical officer. And this boy refused to place a wet cloth on his head! Whats more, under his armpits or other parts of the body!

4. He refused milk. At one time I thought ok maybe "nak putus susu". I was glad too, but what I did, made him syrup drink in a 300ml bottle, and he survived on only that daily (and some liquid when we feed him medicine). When he woke up zillion times at night, he'll drink from that syrup too. No milk for few days. This worries us too, but 300ml better than nothing.

5. What is clingy again?

6. Your husband's temperature wont come down and he's not his usual self for few days was distressing.

I mean, its a different level of sabr altogether! Honestly, I didnt think I'll survive. Body ache, mentally and physically exhausted. I am definitely not one with the most patience on earth, I admit. Everyday praying for strength and an end to this episode.

.

.

.

Allahuakbar Allahuakbar Allahuakbar!

After a torturous yet meaningful week, Fahim and Fahmy recovered. Alhamdulillah. Thumma alhamdulillah.

This was a great kick start of our decade.

And Fahim started asking for his milk as usual.

.

.

.

So people, in 2020,

1. Listen to your body. Dont stress yourself too much. If you detect something unusual, no harm checking.

2. Stroke can happen to anyone, anytime. Lead a balanced life. At least it lessens the risk.

3. Drink plenty of water. Everytime. Better yet.

4. Get vaccinated. Cant stress enough on this. Flu vaccine's available. I had it during last umrah I think. Prevention is better than cure.

5. Sabar sabar and sabar.

6. Cant believe we are in Year 2020! Have a great decade! In sha Allah

[nwbeerguide]

Stoup Brewing releases a collaboration Imperial Porter with Mexico City and two new "political" IPAs.

If you live in or around the greater Seattle area. It would seem appropriate, what with this week Halloween falling on a Thursday, that we remind you about some recent offering from Ballard-brewed Stoup Brewing Company.

Starting with their Imperial Porter, the gang got together with a brewery from Mexico City to produce a beer that will warm your body while inspiring dark thoughts.

Brewed with Cervecería Ícono and Cerveceria Morenos, Stoup Imperial Porter is described as a beer that is " packed with all of the malts that make a porter delicious." In addition to 'all the malts', Imperial Porter is brewed with Piloncillo, an unrefined cane sugar that is made from boiling and evaporating cane juice. With a flavor profile of between honey and molasses, Piloncillo is not only an homage to Stoup Brewing Company's guests but also provides local something different in their Imperial Porter. Finally, with experimentation on their minds, the brewers used HBC 472 which provides notes of vanilla and oak. At 8.9% ABV and 42 IBU, Imperial Importer is a reward for a night spent chaperoning or feeding trick-or-treating kids.

Backing up their Imperial Porter, the brewers escape from the fresh-hop craze into the welcoming arms of the Hazy IPA.

With the distinctive tagline, Stoup's Politonic IPA asks:

Politics got you down these days? Want a break from the constant stream of empty promises, chaotic debates, poor decisions and expensive yet disturbingly awful haircuts? Try our Politonic IPA..guaranteed to soothe your politics fatigue.

Brewed with wheat, flaked and malted oats before hop-bombed with Wakatu, Wiamea, Mosaic Cryo hops, this beer can inspire many conversations. But if the thought of escaping political discourse for an hour isn't enticing then this beer described as having "big pine, citrus, and a touch of floral flavors" will be wasted on you. Try one of these 6.9% ABV beers anyways and then ask yourself if you are tired of politics yet.

What do you get when you take a bunch of smart-alec brewers, who love current events? The answer is Quid Pro Quo IPA.

Brewed with Loral Cryo, Simcoe Cryo, HBC 692, and Comet hops; Stoup's provocative IPA is best summed up like this.

So a few weeks ago, the brewers at Stoup were on a phone call. Let me tell you, that phone call was absolutely perfect. It was beautiful. It went something like this.

B#1: "Make me a DIPA with fantastic amounts of Loral Cryo, Simcoe Cryo, HBC 692 and Comet hops and I'll bring you donuts".

B#2: "I'll do it, but didn't you already promise me those donuts a couple of months ago? And isn't this quid pro quo? Just curious."

B#1: "Great. This will be the best beer ever made thanks to me. And yes, this is quid pro quo. Obviously."

Cheers to honesty and a delicious new beer, friends! "

At 8% Alcohol By Volume and 69 IBU, Quid Pro Quo Double IPA asks the question. "Can a beer be both fun and political?".

Look for both Imperial Porter and Politonic IPA, available today, and Quid Pro Quor Double IPA making its appearance this Wednesday.

Stoup Brewing Company is located at 1108 NW 52nd Street in Seattle's Ballard neighborhood. For more information on Stoup Brewing Company, visit http://www.stoupbrewing.com.

About Stoup Brewing Company

"Two thirsty science nerds and a curious connoisseur walk in to a brew pub… Okay, so it wasn’t quite like that, but it might as well have been."

Stoup Brewing is a long held dream of Brad Benson and Lara Zahaba – two hopeless drink and chow hounds. That the two found each other twenty years ago seems fated – Brad, a scientist to the very last DNA strand, would proffer a hypothesis based on proximity and human nature, we’re sure (ahem). Whatever your take, the takeaway is this: Brad loves beer and has been a loyal student, courter, and crafter for years that number beyond his fingers and toes. Lara loves all things gastro – from a savory plate to a smart pour. The pair, professionally and recreationally, have spent the better part of their hours improving their palate’s quality of life. It was only a matter of time before they ponied up and joined the community of talented purveyors.

Enter, Robyn Schumacher – friend, teacher and self-professed beer geek graduated Cicerone. She had the same dream. Fitting that Robyn’s infatuation with beer bloomed under the tutelage of a Biology degree. Robyn’s regard for all things hop and malt only deepened while her teaching career flourished. Brewing in her spare time was the final hook. Call it what you will – the stars aligning, simultaneous fermentation – Stoup Brewing was born. We’re thrilled to be a part of Seattle’s burgeoning craft beer community in Ballard’s Brewing District.

from Northwest Beer Guide - News - The Northwest Beer Guide http://bit.ly/2NkJ5Xx

[blackdragon-sama]

my breast reduction experience

i'm back home from the hospital after my reduction and i'd like to share my experience for those interestedalso to vent a bit about my nice-but-also-hella-annoying bed neighbour.

i went in on thursday morning, to get prepped, see the doc and settle into my room i was given the choice to either stay overnight before the surgery, or come in at 7 on friday morningi chose to stay overnight, since i knew it'd be much easier if i could just stay in bed until they wheeled me in for surgery. rather than having to haul my stuff and myself to the hospital with the bus, high on adrenaline and panicwas the right decision, too early in the morning, a nurse woke me and i went to change into the very sexy piece of fishnet they use as panties and the butt-free gown thingi swear, those mesh panties are the worst.but, i got a dose of lorazepam to make up for it, and was wheeled downstairs and into the wake-up room, from which i was wheeled in for the anaesthesia prep.a very nice lady (i don't know if she was an anaesthesiologist or assistant or nurse....) helped me put on the hair net and put an IV into my hand, chatting a little with me, which helped with the anxiety. at this point i was glad for the lorazepam, because i was nervous as fuck, even with it. they didn't make me count or anything, just told me to breathe in all that nice oxygen, and then they told me when they inected the good stuff and - like with the two general anaesthesias i had before - i went under complaining about the pain XDit's like, the last two seconds before you go under, your face, or in one case, arms, get really bad pins-and-needles, and it's one of the grossest feelings ever, but it's literally just a second or two and then you're out. the first thing i remember after coming to, is people coming to my bed and telling me to take breaths, or to breathe in deeper.i had a little trouble with my oxygen levels for a while, but they put an oxygen tube thingie into my nose, with a piece of sponge around it to keep it in place, i also remember telling someone i was feeling nauseous, and i think they gave me some medication for that. i was in no pain at all, just super woozy and confused why it was already around 3 in the afternoon. surgery must've taken WAY longer than 2-4 hours, since they put me under at 7:30, and i came to enough to ask the time at 3 in the afternoon.back in my room i asked for my phone and sent a few typo-heavy drunk texts to my mom and my girlfriend to let them know i was still alivestill no pain, dizziness, overall "just trying to sleep"-iness. a nurse came in some time later, to help me get up and pee. i didn't think i needed to, but she told me they put five liters of whatever (saline, probably) into me during the surgery and after, and i do know that getting up is important after surgeryso, she hooks me under and butt-naked me (surgical bra and mesh panties only. sexy. comfortable. not basically literally ass-naked) shuffles over to the bathroom, nurse carrying the big drainage bottles.i could feel my ears rushing and hearing static the moment i stood, but i managed to sit down and do the deed. on the way back to the bed, i nearly passed out, but nurse and another nurse got me back safely and i could sleep some moreduring the night, i am woken up a few times, by a male nurse who comes to open my bra and check the bandages and palpate my new tiny tiddies for anything bad.it's a bit disorienting to be subjected to someone messing with your boobs when you're more asleep than anything, but the whole staff was super nice and gentle with me, on saturday, post-op day 1, i managed to somehow pull at my right-side drainage and the bitch gave me trouble for the entirety of its stay in my boob, and it's still the more sensitive side >_>my new boobs looked soooo teeny tiny! to be honest, while i was excited, i was also a little scared that they'd become too small, but that feeling came and went, and looking back, i know it was simply the shock of the /difference/. day one was mostly spent entirely in bed, since my circulation was still pretty bad, and getting up gave me big troublesluckily, the nurses all were very very nice and refilled my water bottle for me and helped me get to the bathroom and back, and iirc, in the afternoon, i managed to put on some real panties and a shirt. MUCH better!also, on saturday, my girlfriend came to visit and it was really nice <3as for pain, i wasn't in any mentionable pain, other than that bitch of a drainage tube. that shit hurt like hell, while my boobs themselves almost didn't hurt at alli was, and still am, quite surprised they weren't painful. (given, i was taking ibuprofen 600 3x a day) sore, of course, and tender, and feeling about ready to pop with how taut they were, but not painful, i didn't and don't feel the incisions or the sutures/stitchesi stopped taking any pain meds yesterday, which was post-op day 5, and i only needed one ibu on tuesday) sleeping on my back is lame. and waking up on sunday, i had a major headache, that even the ibuprofen didn't manage to helpi think it was a mix of my neck being overly tense, plus leftover surgery and anesthesia meds that messed with my head (i read that having migraines puts you at a higher risk of post-op headaches) sunday was the day where i started to get lots better. i could get up on my own for the bathroom, and even the little trip down the hall to the water fountain dispenser thingie, and in the afternoon/early evening, i even managed to take the elevator to the ground floor and grab some well-earned sweets from the little shop there. the headache was the biggest discomfort, other than the drainage tube pulling occasionally, and my petty room mate... boy... by that point she was getting SO annoying. she had had surgery the day before me, a procedure to put an expander under the skin of her face, to grow skin to remove a mark from her face (i don't know what it's called, in german, it's a fire's mark, basically a large, deep red/purple mark that's puffy and you're usually born with it)i think she's russian? she had a heavy accent, and the first pieces of conversations i remember clearly were of her complaining about refugees and how they have so many kids only to cash in on social child support money (which is a thing in germany, but, well, for citizens, not for refugees...) i tried half-heartedly explaining that refugees aren't here for shits and giggles, and no, they don't get child support money from the state. they get, if at all, a bare minimum to feed and clothe themselves.... i didn't want to antagonize her, because in my drugged-up, post-surgery state, i was having paranoia she would try suffocating me in my sleep. (which i was aware of was purely my anxiety talking, but, y'know, i didn't want to pick fights either way, and delicate topics are best discussed if you have the opportunity to leave.)next thing i very clearly remember her doing was antagonizing the nurse that wanted to put a new something into her iv. the thing was, the nurse sneezed. into her shoulder. before moving to continue with the tubes. roomie gives her shit about that. how it's unacceptable that she'd sneeze onto the needle and get her germs all over the place, and how that's unprofessional and why she wasn't getting new needles and all that the nurse calmly explained she wasn't sick, it was just a little sneeze and she didn't get anything onto the stuff. discussions ensue. nurse sents me an "is this really happening?!" look, and i just give a helpless grin-shrug, because, yeah, it was happening. nurse was clearly heavily annoyed, but managed to finish putting the iv thing into her before leaving a little louder than necessary.i can understand voicing your concerns about hygiene and your worries. that's good. not good is picking fights with the people taking care of you. like... i caught myself thinking, every single time lady next to me went to complain or whine about something (which she did... /quite/ a lot) that, if i am in a hospital, dependent on the care of the staff, that the LAST thing i want to do is being a bitch to them?i'll do my damndest to be polite at least, friendly whenever i can, so they know i appreciate the help. being nice to your nurse means your nurse will do their best to care for you, and maybe put in a little more effort than absolutely necessary (like offering to fill my water bottle for me) and if someone has to sit me onto the toilet becauce i can't pee by myself, the least they deserve is me not bitching. seriously, the lady was nice enough, overall, but man... she also was entitled and just that special little snowflake kind of person. complaining about her boyfriend not taking the day off work so he'd be available all day to pick her up whenever she was discharged... i understand the thought behind it, but i also understand you can't just leave work just like that. and she was better off than me, mobility-wise, she could've taken a taxi or even public transport (given, i wouldn't have, either) or just waited for him until he could leave work)aaaaaanyway, on monday, headache was getting better, and my surgeon came in to check up on his work, he finally told me how much he removed, and it was WAY more than i expected or he estimated before,he'd told me, he'd remove about a kilo of tissue per side, which seemed a good weight, (i'd weighted them before, and they were about 2 kilos each, according to my kitchen scale XD )and it ended up being 1,4 kilos per side... that's almost 3 kilos! that's, like, two whole chickens! i was pretty shocked, but also excited, because, for the first time i really understood how HUGE my boobs had been. and how reasonable and right my decision was. i have no regrets and even in between never had any, but i had my doubts about the necessity of this whole thing, a lot of the time, i felt like it was a mood, or a phase, something i wanted out of a whim, rather than that i really needed it. it was my idea, and i wanted it, and as such, as a non-essential surgery, i was scared that i was doing something wrong. that it'd end up turning out bad, simply because of my paranoia-driven fear of karmic punishment for wanting something like that without it being unavoidable (like my gallbladder surgery) but hearing how much he'd removed, and given how much is still left, and how i now have an average pair of breasts for a woman of my stature, it took some guilt off me. also, by monday, i was starting to feel the first effects of the weightloss. i could sit up without using my arms (which was still being a bitch, because it'd pull on the damn drainage), like doing a situp, and it was sooo easy!even right now, i'm still too overall sore/tender to really notice a direct difference, but indirectly, it's already so amazing! i'm sitting up straighter without even noticing, i can breathe freely, which is odd, but i keep noticing how free my chest feels, like i'm expecting it to feel tight or heavy, but it isn't,on monday, the drainage tubes were FINALLY removed and it was glorious!i could stay until tuesday, and it was good i got to stay another day, because walking around was, and is, still somewhat tedious.on wednesday, i had a bit of an emotional crash. i guess it's the physical shock of surgery/injury and the medication wearing off, coupled with the relief of being at home and knowing you can relax now, i was dissociating a little, on and off through the day, feeling weepy and alone and all thatbuuuut that went away, too, and today, post-op day 6, i'm still a little tender and weak, but overall, i'm doing pretty fine!i can wash myself on my own, even my hair, and i am in SO much less pain than i expected. like... i was preparing to be out of commission completely for the entirety of the three weeks vacation i took off of work, but if things continue like this, going back in two and a half weeks will be absolutely possible. i catch myself being a little too enthusiastic sometimes, like trying to reach up to open/close my skylight window and getting a little reminder NOT to stretch up my arms all the way. or having to take a break from walking up the stairs and having to sit a couple minutes in the house's staircase on the way up to my appartment (we don't have an elevator)the most uncomfortable thing right now is the itching. the medical bra rubs against the edge of the steri-strips, where my skin is taut and dry and it's leaving mild imprints and it ITCHES and it's driving me insane, but it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't seem to mess with the stitches, so i'm trying not to complain too hard. all things considered, and with how weak and sore i was, right now, as i'm typing this, i'd do it all over again. i don't want to jinx anything, so i won't jubilate, but overall, i'm pleasantly surprised by how well things have been so far. i like my tiny new boobs, and i hate the itching, i love how much longer my torso looks, and i'm looking forward so much to buying beautiful bras and all the pretty swimwear i couldn't before, because it would never fit my boobs....aah <3next week i'll go in to have my stitches removed (they're not the dissolving kind) and i'm a little worried how the scars will hold, but i'm also eager to start using lotions and all the good stuff to help the skin recover i will recommend this procedure to anyone that's considering it, and i'm so happy that the surgery went well and my new boobs look perfect! (if still a little crinkly around the scars XD )

[rainbows-and-cottoncandy]

08/08/2022, 02:34

I would never trade anything for this 2. On some days or some morning maybe ibu been cranky cause thinking when will i be able to wake up without any disturbance hahaha. Dream on cause they are the ones will be waking me up in the middle of the night for milk, to pass motion at 4am (?) and sometimes crying in the middle of the night bcos of stomach pains or shitting in their pampers.

And in the day, its like they’re forever hungry. What’s with kids forever hungry but when give food tak habis makan hahaha. Not to forget about having their toys all over the house 😵‍💫. Baby hana turning 2 mnths soon yet she’s so strong and alhamdullilah she’s been waking up for feed 5-6hrs late. Most nights i would wake up once for feed and go back to bed. But during the day and afternoon she would mostly latch onto me.

I feel like im so strict but also i want to discipline my children to be themselves but not to be rude. And also want them to be independent not to be able to depend on others if they can do it. Epah going to school next year, in shaa allah. I dont mind if epah is still not taking in other foods except for her porridge. I mean she has a thing for trying new stuff. It takes a whole lot of time for her to open up. It’s okay, as long as you’re comfortable with what you’re eating. I mean other kids your age eats noodles and rice with dishes and all the fast foods. Not to compare, i understand how you really feel about new food. Baby hana idk been an easy baby or a manageable baby so far this 2 mnths pass. I shall not complain and just go with the flow of her being this way. ☺️

Spend my Saturday going shopping with my little family, after so long of not standing so long my legs were aching cause we were walking from ion store to store and to paragon. Epah had a breakdown at paragon cause she wanted to play the slides and cars. Its was only 1pm and the place is already crowded with kids🫠. Talk to her that we shall buy for her toys instead and go to nyai house to play. She chose the cooking toys and some bubble gun cost $20😮‍💨 hahaha. While hana i think i nurse her while walking 2-3 times.

While going to nyai house both of them fell asleep in the train. Sunday we went to pak long house after 1223448393737373 times epah ask me if she can go. So happy that she spend her day playing with abang and kakak that she’s been bugging a week ago.

Oh no to forget last week we went swimming since atuk kept promising her the day we went out celebrating his bday lunch. Lately epah has been call me ibu than bubu 🥰

Heh kids, sorry if ibu have not been the best ibu all this while. But ibu trying my best to be the best that i can for both of you okay. Some days we can be sane, some days we can have our bad days, its okay! We got this💪🏼

[vermosu]

If anyone asks what I'm doing now..........

I'm still learning with enthusiasm both on/offline, practicing ice hockey twice a week, busy playing with friends, wrestling with my cats, cooking for dinner, also go to therapy to relieve my depression. I'm doing great.

Let's quick updates

I'm getting taller. If last year I was the shortest kid in the class now I'm almost on par with them.

I dyed my hair darker rofl. No special reason I just want to look fresh. I did it on my birthday, on my bedroom with Jihye imo. Not only my friends, Ibu and Samchon were screaming hysterically and said it suited me perfectly 🧒🏻

I've dared to take the train out of town by myself. Of course Ibu dropped me off to get checked in and Samchon/Samchon Appa picked me up at Busan station. It was an interesting experience for me because I met new people sitting next to my chair, they were all very kind.

At my new age I learned to be more sincere to let go of things that I can't control. My psychiatrist said that instead of being sad alone, I better focus on what I can do now, just be present. Not yet Because they don't necessarily want to know what's going on yourself.

I have a new cousin his name is Wasa! Congratulations to Paman Bagus and Nari Imo. I have a Taurus bff now! I'm glad that Niyang and Kakiyang will be staying here while Nari Imo is on maternity leave 🕺🏻

Apart from Eid which coincides with my birthday, this month we are very happy because we are going on vacation. Ibu with 93-94 line, Samchon with 88-89 line also with his dance crew. Me? Staycation at Busan with Mapo gang 🤪 This is my second time going on vacation without parents, the first one was last winter with my ice hockey team.

This month was my very first interview for a small job. I was so excited then makes me couldn't sleep for 2 nights and on the D day my body dropped and went to the clinic in the morning. just eat, sleep, take medicine and repeat hoping that in the afternoon I'm feeling better but it's said no hahahaha. However the interview went goodl, what I learned in the morning was predictable. Ya you know, I'm a fast learner - it doesn't take me long to proceed what I'm learning even though i'm not feeling well - but it takes me 2 days to prepared my mental. Sick.

I managed to play the saxophone after learning auto for 2-3 months. The saxophone belongs to Samchon Appa, still in good condition but rarely played. Mom always gave up on playing wind instruments but I did it this time! Achievements unlocked!

We as a family are not fans of romantic dramas until the scene of Park Jungil and Koo Ryeon in Tomorrow made us scream loudly. Not infrequently we parody it irl. AAAAAAAAAAA its so strange, isn't it? How could we change just because of those ancient romance scenes 😬 But that still doesn't apply to other dramas. We just love Park Jungil's Koo Ryeon couple!

Unlike Ibu it turns out that I like Eid cakes, especially kue putri salju. We made it once it tasted worst even scorched and looked like a lunar eclipse 🌚

I used to close myself when my depression symptoms started to show but now I dare to open up and my friends always support me and accompany me anytime. THANKS A LOT Samchon for changing me better. Thanks Ibu for introducing me to Samchon. Thanks Mr. Woo for not give up when I often ask for a break or not even notify at all. Jihyuk hyeong, Donggu hyeong, Sejeong, Inha Noona - Mapo gang, thanks for being here 🖤 I may feel tired but those around me are definitely more exhausted, I really appreciate you guys. You all are more than enough for me.

끝 for now.

.

And how are you pals?

🙂

Untuk yang sedang berbahagia selamat ya you deserved that.

Untuk yang sedang sedih nangis aja di kamar just release your emotion, write journal, drink more and sleep. You're not alone, I'm by your side.

[norshafa]

#throwback Aydeen brought this book back from school because he had some homework. It’s an interesting drawing of “ibu” on the first page, though he didn’t draw “bapa” on the next page. I guess he know the word “ayah” but not “bapa” 😅 The 3rd picture was some of his homework for the day. Out of the 6 words, he didn’t know the meaning of the 5 words (though he can read them). Those were hati, haba, hidu, hiba & dahi. A bit tough in explaining, because you know, the context. Should I explain in terms of “awak dalam hati saya” or “ini hati ayam”? Infact, should i put my hand on my chest or somewhere near the liver? 😅 Aydeen insisted “hati” is in his chest, so I just let it be. “Haba” is also an interesting word to explain to a 5 year old. Because they tend to mix up the usage between “heat” and “hot”. He knows “panas”, but I don’t think he really understand what “haba” is. Now, “hidu” is super interesting for Aydeen. I explained to him in the context of “ I smell something”. Because I used the word “smell”, he thought the usage is like that of “bau”. So he said “ada hidu busuk” 😆 “Hiba” & “dahi” were quite straightforward to explain because the contexts were simple. And all the while he did his homework, he kept browsing other pages (mostly the ones that he will learn at school soon) and asked me the meaning of words that he didn’t know. And so, these 2 pages took quite some time to finish because he had so many questions 😅 Towards bedtime, I asked him to stop asking and just finish the homework, and he said sorry he asked. Then I explained that it’s good to ask a lot, but at times that we need to rush, like towards bedtime, we need to finish the homework first, then can ask as many as he wants 😄 After he finished his homework, he asked me what is “kakak” in Mandarin. I said I forgot. Then he told me the answer. He didn’t learn it at school, but his friend told him. He took interest because I do use some Mandarin phrases with him at home, though not much. And now he seems to have learn it himself. So amazing to see little kids growing, both at home and at school. May the joy of learning forever flourish ❤️ #simplemomjourney https://www.instagram.com/p/CdaSv8hpQlR/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ruknowhere]

Coyotes On The Beach

1.

there are always risks, some small like losing this document, others of more significance like losing a life.  I’ve done lost lives and find myself alone in a cabin in a dying forest of grand old sequoia trees.  Thought about taking a bath this morning but there is a spider living in the tub and it seemed wrong to kill her with a flood.

The road flooded on my way here so I ended up spending a night in overpriced inn with a noisy clock that i took the battery out of.  Never have been able to figure out why anyone would want to hear each second of their life click away.

There are icicles hanging from the cabin gutters

been a long time since I have seen icicles, the last were actually made of glass by Dale Chihuly.  I took my daughter and fiancee to a spot I know in Leavenworth Washington.  A faux bavarian town set in real lovely mountains.  It was a pre wedding trip.  Time for them to relax and for me to try to pal up with my son in law to be.  Well three years later I am still trying to pal up with that guy but he is that guy for my daughter.  They love each other and what more could anyone want for their child then happiness

I sure want happiness.

2.

Leigh owns this cabin which is in one of the prettiest dang places I have ever been and I have been to many.  This is a forest from another time.  Huge trees fit for huge creatures.  Now it is empty.  I saw a marmot or at least that is what I am calling it and a few squirrels.  

Not many birds and zero people.  empty Odd, here in this national forest, set aside as a monument by Obama, nobody wants to venture out anymore.  

The campground is nameless now, all the signs removed, perhaps for winter or perhaps forever.  It used to be call Belknap Campground and it is in the middle of a sequoia grove.

Anyway Leight I bet is a piece of work.  From her pictures and various little bits gathered online I suspect back in the day she was quite a piece of ass too.  I know you can’t talk that way anymore but after all we are nothing but mammals wanting to do it like they do on the discovery channel.

Leigh’s cabin is reasonably well built but it is devoid of any human touches.  To say it is furnished sparsely would be an exaggeration.  Not even a spatula for cooking an omelet.  There is a small radiant heater built into the wall with a warning note attached that says not to move it because it goes off.  As far as I can tell it is always off but I am nothing if not resourceful and have found that the oven and stove burners do a fine job heating the place and the fireplace makes for some ambience deluxe.  The wood bundles I bought at the Springville store crackle and have a nice smell.  It is warm enough now to be naked.  I have a picture of a naked gal laying on an oriental rug.  She has a perfect body, long blonde hair and the rear view of her cunt makes my cock tingle.  I know I shouldn’t say cunt but for guys of my time the thought of a moist cunt with a cock thrusting in and out until you can hardly tell whose cream is oozing out unless you lick it up is well simply divine.

3.

Fire,

Fire on the mountain

4.

the thing about being alone is you are not really alone

you’re left with all your memories

people

places

come and go

that can be good

or bad

but there is always the loneliness

the new memories are missing something

someone

5.

the other day facebook said it was your birthday

funny for some reason I thought that your were born in july

oh well doesn’t really matter

anyway I bought some beer in your honor

a limited release from Lagunitas

Undercover Investigation Shut-Down Ale, 9.7% Alc and 66.6 IBU, especially bitter as they say

they also say Beer Speaks, People Mumble

I mumble and ramble thinking of the ESB ale at Rogue we drank on occasion

and remembering some of the great places we went together and especially the music

funny how people’s lives touch and nudge one another in new directions

I was remembering a picture you showed me once of you and some blonde hippie girl, maybe girls, back in the days of your youth standing in some sunny place

don’t know if you have been to death valley, if not you gotta get here, one of the most spectacular places I have ever seen and it has those high vistas you like

this whole trip has been pretty fucking beautiful.  

California highway 190 from the deepest darkest forests near the coast with huge old sequoias

remnants of another time

falling snow, mudslides and flooded roads made it interesting

to the painted molded rocks and mountains here in the desert

thinking of you

saxophones guitars

blonde girls I never knew

Yazmeen Sophie (is it Sophia now?) and Will

happy birthday dude wherever you be

6.

see that’s how it is with being alone

friends come and go

but still I wish I had

someone

on this trip with me

what a long strange trip it’s been

7.

I started this life as a tumbleweed

blowing across a Texas highway

carried to a cabin in the woods

and a house in the jungle

babies were born and grown

before the wind carried me elsewhere

8.

when nobody knows you you can be anybody

the danger is you are nobody or you can’t remember who you are now

9.

a coyote ran across the road

2 cars stopped and people got out to take pictures

coyote stopped and looked back at them with a real wtf kind of look

he smiled at me when I drove by

one of those smiles you are not sure what to make of

especially from coyote

10.

early into my hike this kind of shady looking guy sez to me

you got go up there to the right, just a little way it is worth it

you really got go up there it is worth it

I was in a good mood so I thought why not

I got kind of a suspicious feeling though when I saw a wrapper that said 10 times more

absorbent and more so when I saw a woman putting a pad in her panties

her red bush caught my attention

I asked her if she was alright and she said oh sure and told me

a nice guy with a welcoming smile had seen her in a bit of a panic because she knew she was bleeding and didn’t know where to go

he told her to go to the right, just a little way

not sure what his intentions were when he sent me up the same path and come to think of it his smile reminded me of that coyote

11.

I walked away but she said stay as she buttoned up her pants hiding the red bush which was still in my mind.  She asked if I would walk a bit with her.  I really didn’t have anything to do for the rest of my life so I said why not.  We got to talking and her story unfolded.  She was forty seven, worked most of her life as a waitress or such in nameless towns but really just wanted to back pies and fuck.   Well I like pie and like to fuck so I decided to walk with her a bit more.

12.

Darwin Falls, Edward Abbey and De-evolution

bet you are wondering what that has to do with fucking and wondering more if this story is a story.

Nothing and maybe or depends on your idea of a story

I do promise there will be some fucking complete with juicy cream pies

but not just yet gee we hardly know each other

13.

The road to Camp Nelson was the victim of a flooded bridge and mudslides

I was a victim of the closure of the road to camp nelson where my cabin in the woods was waiting for me.  This meant spending the night and a lot of money at the local inn but the bartender Lois made it interesting and at the cafe there was a big moose head mounted on the wall.  Bad days for mooses.  Sitting at the table under the moose was a lady maybe 70 years old and definitely attending to internal stimuli, or fucking crazy as they say in the biz.  She was eating a bowl of gruel, drinking coffee and talking up a storm.  We ended up talking about storms and mooses much to the dismay and annoyance of the dad and his two young kids who looked sternly at the two of us and the moose and walked out.  Earlier the waitress a curvy hispanic gal bursting out of her clothing had spoke with this dad in a soft voice I wasn’t supposed to hear all about my unusual behavior.  I must say she was pretty unfriendly especially since when I came in there were no other customers talking to her and I was being all friendly.  But me and crazy Lois talked a bit more.  I paid $10 for 2 eggs, toast, potatoes and coffee and left, Lois still carrying on many conversations and men across the street were getting ready to cut off limbs from an old tree which was thinking about taking out a roof and garage.

14.

So before we go much further into this story I have to tell you some of what happens is true and the names have been changed because mainly I can’t remember them or didn’t know them to start with.

So now we can go much further with the understanding that there will be shameless self promotion, lots of fucking some things that you might not have known before

advice of all kinds and questionable scientific explanations,  if that kind of shit bothers you it will be one of many reasons not to read anymore of this vulgarity.

15.

I once had a dog named Blossom.  We were living on a commune called Folly Farm, way more folly than farm.  It was me and blossom, Flannagan my forever best dog, shaggy terrier poodle mix.  Blossom was a husky shepherd mix and poorly named due to her tendency to cut the smelliest dog farts with no shame.  There were other hippie type people who maybe will show up here and include a long lost cousin with great tits, long red hair and criminal ways.

Blossom liked living on the commune.  She found a way to escape the fenced in abandoned garden she and flanigan ran in among the mullein and foxglove. The first thing she did when she got out at night was kill and mame our ducks.  Not really a good way to be on a commune.  One of the women there was a bit of witch and great at most all commune type things including chopping the heads off the wounded ducks.  Later I discovered she gave great head.  We lived together for awhile until her husband came to get her and the kids.  I learned a lot from her about mind connections over long distances which I am using right now as I think about a mermaid I know.  Blossom developed some kind of weird relationship with a group of the local coyotes and ran around with them made lots of noise (she could howl with best of them)  and killed lots of things like pets and farm animals which made the neighbors not too happy but they didn’t know if was blossom because for some reason she didn’t fart with the coyotes.

16.

At the Daze Inn in Vegas I learned that if you plan on drinking a lot of tequila and smoking lots of legal weed it is important to know how to navigate to one and only one light switch.  Safety First.

17,

Once you have found that light you can go on drinking and inhaling

Viva las vegas

Where anything is possible but not likely to happen

18.

I was married once, hmm grammar check once when I was married cause I was married twice legally.

I was married once, married a long time until I thought it would be a great idea to be swingers and she found out there was someone she liked to fuck better and in fact who loved her more and better than I ever did and she knew she loved him as opposed to me who she knew  she never loved.

19.

But enough about me.

to be continued?

[sinemeter]

roma

“I can’t. I’m dead. I like being dead.”

Di gedung bioskop, Cleo terus bercumbu mesra dengan pacarnya sementara film berputar. Kemudian ia mengumumkan kalau dirinya hamil. Tiba-tiba si pacar langsung minta izin pergi ke kamar kecil dan tak pernah kembali lagi ke pelukan Cleo.

Cleo, 1971: Wanita Tanpa Pemilik

Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio) bekerja sebagai pembantu rumah tangga di belantara perkotaan Meksiko. Ia bekerja di rumah sebuah keluarga Hispanik kulit putih, lengkap dengan 4 orang anak, mungkin untuk waktu yang lama karena ia sudah begitu akrab dengan setiap anggota keluarga itu. Majikannya berasal dari kelas ekonomi menengah yang bicara menggunakan bahasa Spanyol, tentu saja berbudaya dan berpendidikan, ditunjukkan dengan beberapa rak buku di dalam rumah, tambah lagi profesi si kepala keluarga sebagai dokter dan istrinya sebagai ahli kimia. Sementara Cleo termasuk warga pribumi Meksiko, dengan garis-garis wajah yang kental keturunan Indian, dan fasih menggunakan bahasa ibu/daerah saat mengobrol dengan pembantu lain di rumah itu.

Hari-harinya sibuk. Di siang hari, rumah bertingkat dua yang berdiri dengan pagar besi tinggi di sisi jalan itu memang sepi dari orang-orang. Kedua orangtua sibuk bekerja di tempat masing-masing, sementara keempat anak belajar di sekolah. Di waktu yang lengang itu Cleo mengepel ubin-ubin garasi dari noda lumpur bekas ban mobil atau kotoran anjing peliharaan keluarga yang hiperaktif. Setelah itu ia akan mengambil pakaian kotor dari setiap kamar, mencucinya, lalu menjemurnya di loteng. Aktivitas itu kadang harus disela dengan menjemput anak paling bungsu, Pepe, pulang sekolah. Sorenya, saat si ibu sudah pulang, ia turut menyiapkan makan malam di atas meja. Si ayah pulang agak malam dan biasanya Cleo menyajikan secangkir teh kamomil hangat untuk menemani jam santai menonton TV bersama di ruang keluarga.

Masuk jam tidur, Cleo mempersiapkan ranjang dan selimut di setiap kamar anak-anak, lalu ikut mengeloni mereka dengan lagu nina bobo atau doa sebelum tidur. Setelah itu rumah kembali sepi, dan Cleo adalah orang terakhir yang mematikan semua lampu di dalam ruangan. Kemudian ia masuk ke kamarnya di belakang, menemui teman sekamarnya Adela, mematikan lampu dan menyalakan lilin, lalu bersama-sama meregangkan badan dengan gerakan yoga kecil-kecilan. Setelah itu barulah ia tidur dan bangun lagi keesokan harinya lebih awal dari penghuni yang lain.

Di weekend, Cleo dan Adela biasa mendapat waktu luang untuk keluar rumah. Mereka biasa menjalani double date dengan pacar masing-masing. Cleo berpacaran dengan Fermin, seorang laki-laki kekar, atletis, yang sedang menggandrungi ilmu bela diri. Fermin selalu membawa tongkat lipat di saku belakang celananya, yang sekali waktu ia pertontonkan di depan Cleo lewat beberapa jurus kelahi sambil telanjang bulat. Hubungan mereka sudah berjalan berbulan-bulan, dan sepertinya rutin melakukan seks seminggu sekali di kamar losmen murah. Hubungan mereka penuh harap, kecil namun hangat, gejolak yang timbul cukup terukur dan terbatasi rambu-rambu sosial khas kelas pekerja di kota besar.

Cleo: “You train every day?”

Fermin: “I must. I own my life to martial arts. I grew up with nothing. My mother died when I was a kid. I moved with my aunt to the slums. There, my cousin beat me. And I met the wrong crowd. And I started drinking, and then huffing. I was dying. But then I discovered martial arts. And everything came into… focus. Just like when you look at me.”

Semuanya tampak berjalan seperti sebagaimana mestinya dalam kehidupan Cleo. Semuanya berfungsi dengan baik, rutinitasnya terjaga, dan emosinya dalam keadaan stabil. Namun kondisi mulai berubah pelik gara-gara dua peristiwa: Pertama, perginya si kepala keluarga majikan dari rumah ke tangan wanita lain, lalu perginya Fermin dari gedung bioskop, meninggalkan Cleo sendirian dalam keadaan hamil untuk selamanya.

Di awal-awal, Cleo sempat bingung mengapa Fermin harus bergegas pergi ke toilet saat film sebentar lagi akan selesai. Apalagi saat itu mereka habis berciuman mesra di kursi belakang di bawah remang cahaya, dan saat itu Cleo baru saja mengumumkan berita bahagia bahwa dirinya sepertinya sedang mengandung anak Fermin. Cleo keluar gedung bioskop seorang diri, matanya terus mencari-cari, jiwanya mulai linglung coba menjawab ke mana perginya laki-laki yang mencumbunya tadi. Waktulah yang kemudian membawanya pada satu titik penyadaran bahwa laki-laki yang dicintainya itu telah pergi meninggalkannya. Kehamilan itu terpaksa harus memisahkan, dan dengan demikian membawa Cleo masuk ke lapisan realitas yang baru di mana harga dirinya sebagai seorang wanita ternyata tidak besar di mata Fermin.

Ia sempat nekat mendatangi kampung halaman Fermin. Saat itu perutnya sudah semakin membesar. Ia menjelajahi perkampungan kumuh itu seorang diri, yang jaraknya mungkin berjam-jam dari rumah majikannya, dengan wajah celingak-celinguk khas pendatang mencari alamat yang bahkan tak terlalu jelas letaknya. Ia sampai di sebuah lapangan luas di mana puluhan laki-laki sedang berlatih ilmu bela diri dalam saf-saf yang rapi. Fermin ada di antara mereka dan Cleo memanggilnya begitu latihan usai. Sekali lagi ia menjelaskan perihal kehamilan dirinya dan coba menegaskan dengan amat hati-hati bahwa bayi di dalam perutnya itu adalah milik Fermin. Namun laki-laki itu menolaknya dengan keras, sambil menunjukkan sedikit jurus dan berteriak ia menyatakan bahwa tidak ada lagi cinta di antara mereka (“And if you don’t want me to beat the shit out of you and your little one, don’t ever say it again, and don’t ever come looking for me again”).

Cleo tidak menangis. Kalaupun iya, setidaknya ia tidak menunjukkan air mata. Air ketubannya pecah di suatu siang di tengah demonstrasi pelajar tahun 1971 yang berujung kerusuhan berdarah. Ia sedang berada di toko perlengkapan anak, sedang memilih ranjang bayi yang cocok untuk anaknya kelak, ketika tiba-tiba seorang demonstran masuk ke dalam toko karena dikejar-kejar preman bersenjata. Demonstran itu ditembak mati di dalam toko, preman-preman itu pergi meninggalkan mayatnya, dan salah satu di antara preman-preman itu adalah Fermin yang selama beberapa saat sempat menodongkan sepucuk revolver ke arah Cleo yang hanya berdiri mematung.

Momen itu memantik 2 kejadian. Pertama, pecahnya air ketuban Cleo secara mendadak. Kedua, keguguran bayinya saat dilahirkan. Semuanya terjadi dalam 1 hari yang sangat melelahkan. Di rumah sakit Cleo menahan sakitnya sendiri. Dokter dan suster-suster dengan sigap menangani proses persalinan yang sebenarnya terhitung lancar itu. Mereka juga dengan sigap melakukan prosedur pernapasan buatan kepada bayi Cleo yang baru lahir tanpa detak jantung, namun setelah 3 kali dilakukan mereka pun memutuskan kalau si bayi tak selamat.

Cleo diberi kesempatan oleh tim dokter untuk menggendong bayinya yang masih merah. Ia begitu sendirian di sana, tanpa keluarganya, tanpa majikannya, dan tanpa Fermin. Bayi yang digendongnya itu juga sudah tak bernyawa dan bukan miliknya lagi karena pihak rumah sakit segera mengambilnya untuk dikuburkan. Wanita itu kali ini menangis. Mungkin lebih disebabkan oleh proses persalinan normalnya yang terasa menyakitkan. Sisanya adalah tentang kesendiriannya yang telah begitu jelas sebagai seorang wanita, seorang pekerja, seorang pecinta, seorang ibu. Atas semua perannya itu ia tak dimiliki dan juga tak memiliki siapa pun yang idealnya, mungkin dalam bayangan utopianya yang terliar, terjadi sebagai buah dari kehidupan yang seharusnya indah ini.

Wanita Adalah Mahluk yang Sendiri

Nyonya Sofia (Marina de Tavira) di suatu malam, dalam kondisi setengah mabuk, sehabis memarkirkan mobil Ford Galaxie-nya secara serampangan di garasi, menghampiri Cleo yang berdiri di pintu masuk dan menyatakan sebuah deklarasi: “No matter what they tell you, we women are always alone.” Suaminya pergi dari rumah dan dipastikan tak akan kembali kepadanya sebagai suaminya lagi.  

Dulu, ia sempat melepas kepergian suaminya untuk mengikuti konferensi Kesehatan di Quebec dengan sebuah pelukan hangat. Pelukan itu sebenarnya tak bersambut mesra karena si suami berdiri memunggunginya, namun dekapannya yang erat itu seolah mewakili firasat bahwa suaminya tak akan pulang lagi -- firasat wanita yang biasanya kuat akan sebuah pengkhianatan cinta. Kepada keempat anaknya, Toño, Paco, Sofi, dan Pepe, selama 6 bulan ia terus mengarang-ngarang kisah tentang penelitian intens yang harus diikuti ayah mereka di Kanada. Sementara dalam kesendiriannya ia terjerumus dalam realita di mana pernikahannya telah usai, tak ada lagi nafkah yang dikirimkan suaminya dan ada perempuan lain di luar sana yang telah menggantikan posisinya.

Sempat ia mencoba trik dengan menyuruh setiap anaknya menuliskan surat kangen kepada ayah mereka dengan harapan hati suaminya bakal luluh (“Help him write, ‘I miss you a lot, Dad’”). Namun tetap tak ada kabar baik, yang ada hanyalah kabar bohong yang kerap dikirimkan si suami ke anak-anak tentang betapa indahnya pemandangan di Quebec sana. Padahal pria itu masih tinggal di kota yang sama dengan mereka, dan praktek di rumah sakit seperti biasanya. Toño sempat melihatnya sekilas ayahnya berjalan keluar gedung bioskop bersama wanita lain saat dirinya hendak menonton film Marooned. Paco sempat menguping di luar kamar pembicaraan ibunya di telepon kepada seorang kawan tentang tanggung jawab yang ditinggalkan ayahnya selaku kepala keluarga. Sementara Cleo, saat hendak melahirkan anaknya di rumah sakit, didatangi oleh mantan majikannya itu di dalam lift yang khusus meyakinkannya bahwa proses persalinan akan berjalan lancar.

Keluarga itu melewatkan tahun baru tanpa kehadiran sosok ayah. Maka Sofia membawa mereka semua mengunjungi vila seorang kerabat untuk merayakan pesta pergantian tahun beramai-ramai dengan sanak famili dan teman-teman yang lain. Meskipun akhirnya pesta mereka harus diwarnai dengan insiden kebakaran hutan di luar vila, yang mungkin saja dimaknai oleh Sofia sebagai simbolisme terselubung atas pengkhianatan suaminya, yang jelas merusak kemeriahan pesta di tengah-tengah keluarga.  

Dalam kasus Sofia dan Cleo, wanita pada mulanya hanya bisa menunggu kepastian dari laki-laki dalam hidup mereka tentang bagaimana segala sesuatunya akan berjalan. Semenjak kehamilannya, Cleo hanya bisa mengharap kedatangan kembali Fermin untuk mengesahkan jalinan cinta mereka ke jenjang berikutnya bersama-sama. Di menit-menit terakhir ia baru sanggup mendatangi kediaman Fermin ketika tuntutan akan kepastiannya itu dirasa semakin membludak.

Hal yang sama terjadi pada Sofia. Berbulan-bulan suaminya tak pulang ia terus menunggu kepastian datang. Ia menelepon ke sana-sini, ke rekan-rekan suaminya, ke teman-temannya, menumpahkan perasaan sedih dan bingungnya yang tak bisa ia kendalikan. Bahkan ketika sudah jelas kalau sang suami tidak lagi mengirimkan uang ke rumah itu, ia tetap menyimpan harapan bahwa di ujung sana keadaan akan berbalik ke semula. Ia butuh waktu lama untuk memantapkan hati sampai kemudian mendarat pada keputusan besar yaitu hidup berpisah dari suaminya.

Ia mengumumkan kepada keempat anaknya tentang piknik akhir pekan ke Tuxpan. Rekreasi itu ditujukan sebagai perjalanan perpisahan atas mobil Ford Galaxie, mobil kesayangan suaminya, sebelum diganti dengan mobil yang baru. Perjalanan itu ditujukan agar si suami bisa mengemas dan mengangkut barang-barang miliknya yang masih tertinggal di dalam rumah, meninggalkan rumah tersebut dalam kekosongan yang lebih layak untuk mereka yang masih tersisa. Saat makan malam di kedai pinggir pantai, lengkap dengan suasana pesta resepsi seseorang di sana, Sofia dengan tegar mengumumkan kepada keempat anaknya tentang ke mana ayahnya selama ini, tentang perpisahannya, serta sekilas tentang apa rencananya di hari-hari ke depan.

Mrs. Sofia: “There’s going to be changes. But we’re together! And it’s going to be an adventure! I’m starting a full-time job at a publishing house.”

Toño: “But you’re a chemist.”

Mrs. Sofia: “I know, but your dad hasn’t sent us any money. And teaching isn’t enough. And I love books! And I never really liked chemistry. It’ll be another adventure. And we must stay together, really close. Right, Cleo?”

Cleo: “Yes.”

Mrs. Sofia: “Very, very close.”

Setelah banyak tangis yang dilewati sendiri, setelah luka di hatinya mengering, Sofia pun mantap menghadapi perceraiannya. Di atas itu, Sofia mantap menerima takdirnya sebagai seorang wanita yang dalam kaitannya dengan laki-laki, adalah mahluk yang sendiri, yang lepas, yang tidak dimiliki. Namun pada satu titik waktu penghayatannya yang lebih dalam, kesendirian tersebut justru jadi penawar terbaik dari segala kerancuan dan racun hubungan antarmanusia. Dalam kesendirian itu ia tak hanya menerima keutuhan dirinya lagi tapi menyusun ulang dan memodifikasi unsur-unsur yang membentuk eksistensinya selama ini. Ia, wanita, adalah ibu dari kehidupan yang merawat dan mencipta, bukan memuja dan menghamba.

Pun demikian dengan Cleo, yang mengalami momen besarnya sendiri di pantai Tuxpan. Ia yang tak bisa berenang itu nekat menerobos ombak demi menolong Paco dan Sofi yang kewalahan terbawa arus. Saat itu tak ada siapa-siapa lagi yang bisa dimintai pertolongan di sana. Cleo bertindak bukan hanya sebagai pembantu yang mengabdi kepada anak majikannya, tetapi sebagai seorang wanita yang punya peran utama merawat kehidupan.

Dalam terpaan ombak itu ia merefleksikan ingatan yang kuat akan bayinya yang gugur. Ia berhadapan dengan kematian seorang diri karena sewaktu-waktu dirinya bisa saja terseret dan tenggelam di lautan. Untungnya daya hidupnya lebih besar, kedua tangannya berhasil menarik Paco dan Sofi ke pinggir pantai, menyelamatkan nyawa dua anak manusia itu untuk hidup lebih lama. Itulah kedua tangan yang sama yang digunakan untuk menggendong bayinya yang meninggal. Kedua tangan yang menarik kehidupan dalam kasih dan menerima kematian dalam penyesalan. Dan seolah di situlah letak kekuatan utamanya, ia pun menggunakannya untuk berkehendak atas hidupnya sendiri, untuk menentukan pilihan yang terbaik baginya, bagi takdir dan jalan hidupnya, yang membuatnya lepas dari ketergantungannya terhadap laki-laki manapun.

Cleo: “I didn’t want her.”

Mrs. Sofia: “What?”

Cleo: “I didn’t want her.”

Mrs. Sofia: “They’re okay.”

Cleo: “I didn’t want her to be born.”

Trauma dan luka, sakit hati dan perpisahan, pengkhianatan dan kematian. Bagi laki-laki, mereka bisa dengan begitu mudahnya menanggulangi itu semua dengan lari, mendapatkan alternatif kehidupan yang lain dengan cara pergi. Bagi perempuan, mereka hanya bisa melewati itu semua dengan menghadapinya langsung, seorang diri, dengan kebesaran hati yang ditempa habis-habisan oleh sang waktu, dengan atau tanpa laki-laki, dengan atau tanpa Tuhan sekalipun. Di balik segala kemanjaan dan kerapuhan yang kerap mereka pertontonkan itu, kekuatan besar untuk melawan balik kehidupan tersimpan. Kekuatan yang mengungkapkan betapa luhurnya posisi mereka di setiap tragedi yang tak mampu dihadapi kaum laki-laki secara jantan.

oleh: Ikra Amesta

[abigailtan]

Singapore Red Cross; Mission Trip, Batam (10th – 11th November 2018) Written by: Abigail Tan, Singapore Red Cross Volunteer

I AM SO EMBARRASSED! Because this trip happened almost a year ago and I thought I had posted it. On the bright side, I did send my write-up.

Day 1; (GMT +8) Singapore

5.30am (GMT +8) I was dragged out of the comfort of my bed, with my messy hair and a rancid breath, I made my way to the bathroom and got ready. Short of bring bright-eyed and bushy-tailed I was dressed decently enough; my motivational quote t-shirt and a pair of worn-out jeans, I left home before the break of dawn…

The official meeting time was 7am at Harborfront Centre and a handful of volunteers were already there by the time I arrived.

The man were requested to wait by the drop-off to help carry some boxes. (15 boxes)

15 boxes worth of first aid supplies for Red Cross Indonesia, which will come to be known to us over the weekend as Palang Merah Indonesia (PMI).

Cataloguing each box and appointing people to account for a couple of boxes. 

Majestic Dream; rather suggestive but was not quite the case, I hardly slept on the hour-long ride to Batam as I was battling motion sickness. Urgh. But it was bearable.

Instead, I made my first new friend; Jessica! An operating theatre nurse and so we hit off rather well, top it off with our volunteering experiences and that was a good 45 minutes worth of talk!

Some took the opportunity to get a group picture and others slept.

But the hour-long ride was quick and almost painless… The sheer number of people going into Batam on a weekend was insane. It is rather on par with the number of people going into Johor Bahru. So, we grit our teeth and power through.

Prior to leaving Singapore, we were told that when we reached immigration on the other side, we had to keep our voices down. Unfortunately, none of us took a picture of the sign, so here’s one off an article from Straits Times.

(image credit: Signs showing prohibited behaviour at the immigration checkpoint of the Batam Centre International Ferry Terminal are plastered all over the pillars. -- ST PHOTO: DANSON CHEONG ) – caption off straits times article; Shhh! Be silent at Batam immigration queue or be sent back home (published: 17th August 2014)

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/shhh-be-silent-at-batam-immigration-queue-or-be-sent-back-home

I wouldn’t say that there was pin-dropping silence but no rowdy noise, so good enough.

We cleared immigration in under an hour and each of us took charge of collecting the boxes from baggage claim. With almost no hiccups the mission trip officially began.

(GMT +7) Indonesia, Batam

Remember how when we were kids and there was always headcount during field trips to make sure all the kids are accounted for. Or some of our teachers made us buddy up so that we could look out for each other. Well, that happened automatically for us and it wasn’t just counting heads we had to make sure all the boxes brought over was accounted for too!

A bus came to pick us up and off we went to PMI!    

The ride went without accident; the thing that struck similarity was the amount of greenery. Huge trees that formed a canopy created shade in this equatorial region.

A small road leads us to where PMI Batam sat, lalang grass lined the sides of the road until we hit a dirt road that branched out and that lead us to the property where this 3-story building sat. It showed age together with improvements and refurbishments; an extension of the former building was obviously new and rather posh for what Batam has to offer.  

The bus came to a halt and all 20 of us on the bus took a minute to soak in; PMI staff lined the entrance of the building in anticipation of welcoming us. Ladies first and then the guys were right behind us and Uncle Tony was the very last as discussed, no one is supposed to be behind him.

The storage unit by the side of the bus opened and revealed 15 cartons that were together with some personal belonging and without hesitation, all of us formed a line and moved the cartons from the bus to the inside of the building. Our Malay speaking friends instinctively became unofficial translators.

15 cartons moved in seamlessly and as we settled into our new environment an elderly lady walked out, she is the lady that will come to be known to us as ibu (Malay greeting for mother). She warmly welcomed all of us and lead us to the 2nd story where a room was prepared for us to rest and fill up on food and drinks. There was a spread of kuahs (starchy and sweet delicacy) and what seemed to be a pastry with potato in it.

We walked in and dropped our bags, and our hands went straight to our necks for a good stretch. PMI staff came into the room and started visual documentation of our movements; in other words, took our photographs.

We soon settled in comfortably and got refreshments.

Ibu came in shortly and there was an exchange of kind words between PMI and ourselves.

We then went on a tour of the place.

3 floors worth of square-space for utilisation. The first floor where the entrance opens to a foyer has a high ceiling and huge windows that allowed plenty of sunlight to brighten the place. A shelf by the entrance held several potted plants and across it a decent reception area.

Right by the foyer sits a plaque on the wall that states the opening date of the building by the President.

A set of glass doors sits on the far right and that leads to the blood donation area where 2 resident doctors are. And they briefly explained the process, a donor would walk in and fill in a form indicating personal particulars and their last date of donation, medications taken or any illness within the last few days. Next, they’ll be led to a doctor who would screen through the form and a couple of drops of blood from a prick of the finger to test for blood count. Then a basic health screening. Blood pressure and what not. If all is well, a set of recliners awaits past another door where the donor will lie there for about 30 minutes while a pint of blood is drawn out.

I tried to donate, but I was on allergy meds a couple of days prior so that disqualified me.

It’s interesting; the way they collect blood. The strikingly obvious difference from Singapore would be the governing body that deals with blood collection.

2nd floor was where the offices are and where the meeting room that held all of us were. At the end of the long corridor was a hall that could easily accommodate 300 people comfortably standing with sufficient personal space and maybe 500 to 600 people but packed like sardines.

By the other end of the corridor stood a room; the call centre.

Where equipment like these would be found on the Titanic. Although out-dated, but I admire that they’re still out there fighting the good fight with what they have. And that’s admirable. 

It was incredible; I apologise if I sound like I’m dishing out on them. I’m not. I feel that they’re worth saluting because even if equipment like that and they’re still out there helping people.

PMI I salute you.

Truly an eye-opener for all of us; or at least I can speak for myself.

Prior to lunch we got down on our hands and knees and worked up an appetite. Not exercising per se but the output alone was enough to get our stomachs growling.

This is where the 15 boxes come into play. Almost like clock-work, we settled into a factory line up; passing down each kit and each pair or trio would place the items needed. Face masks, micropore tape, shear scissors, gauze, crepe bandage, triangular bandage and tweezers. Came up into a rather decent first aid kit. 15 boxes worth of supplies was made into 200 proper first aid kits.

LUNCH! I am not even going to deny, yes, we were all looking forward to food after the incredibly productive afternoon.

Okay, I am going to need someone to level with me… Because whilst eating I had a realisation that it’s probably not chicken that I was eating… …

So… I dived in thinking it was some form of ayam penyet and when I picked up the supposed chicken with my hands I realised that the wings are smaller than usual and the ribs are surprisingly small too. Which lead me to the conclusion that it wasn’t a chicken to begin with.

I eat quail eggs, but to think that I chomp on a bird… … I am going to need more time to rest this unsettling feeling.

That aside, lunch was good.

Lunch was followed by nearly an hours worth of some more chatter among ourselves. A couple of us represented Singapore Red Cross and discussed the following days’ events with PMI.

So by this point, we knew that there was going to be an event the next day with some of the PMI youths; think of is as Secondary School’s Red Cross Cadets. An event was to be held with some 2200 students and we are to assist with some of their programs. 20 of us were split into 2; basic first aid training and outdoor games! We discussed among ourselves and delegated jobs. Among us were first aiders of all ages and varied experiences to offer; some were already first aid trainers, some of us are in the medical field. Naturally, the trainers formed a group and they needed more people, I eagerly raised my hand; there’s something about teaching that I enjoy, something about passing on knowledge and seeing their eyes light up when learning becomes fun. 10 of us formed the teaching team and the rest helped at the games booth.

As our discussion came to an end, something was brewing down the corridor within the walls of the hall.

PMI staff and some; if I had to venture a guess; 60 PMI youths were seated on the floor facing us as we walked in. You know how when it’s your birthday and you have to stand with the cake facing the party as they sing happy birthday to you and you have completely no idea where to place your hands. That was me. It was a massive wave of mixed emotions; overwhelming and essentially trying to grasp their enthusiasm about our arrival. I was in complete awe. The kids, they greeted each and every one of us. I mean it in every sense of the word. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US. It was the LONGEST greeting, but also the most heartfelt.

We spent the next 40 minutes with our youth volunteers thinking of ways to engage tomorrow’s students. They were eager to help us, more than I can speak for ourselves. Joint discussions came to an end and we had to say goodbye to everyone at PMI. It was time to check into the hotel.

Time to freshen up for a pow wow session and DINNER! Some shopping at the mega supermarket then back to the hotel for another SouthWest Discussion. Settled some stuff, delegated work and just like that the day ended; but not before a hot water bath… urghhhhhhhh…

Day 2; (GMT+7) Batam, Indonesia

Our day started at the break of dawn; 6am. Freshened up; changed, packed and down we went for breakfast and an early checkout. We literally stayed the night. Time was of the essence and by 7.15am we were already on the bus towards school grounds!

It was probably almost 8am by the time we arrived at the school. Personal and important belongings were brought along with us. 2 cartons of first aid kits were brought down together with teaching aid.

Not so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning; after yesterday’s culture shock and taking the time to let everything around us settle in, today is a lot better. (Or so I thought) We stood around rather aimlessly until we saw familiar PMI faces! And then we were led to the field and sat by the bleachers.

So some 500 students were already standing on the field when we got there; being PMI they had first aiders on stand-by and also an ambulance.

There weren’t any translators so what happened next is essentially what I saw coupled with what I felt. So all of us were seated there, the parade commander comes out and shouts out commands; attention and at ease. On our far right of the field were 7 students standing side by side, we were to their left. And they each shouted what seemed to be the 7 fundamental principles of Red Cross. The parade commander walked back, faced the students, shouted a command and soon all of them were saluting us. SALUTING. US. US! Singapore Red Cross. [I am still very much in awe as I am typing this.] It’s a level of gratitude and respect that I’ve never experienced, and I speak for myself.

Then it was the presentation of a first aid kit and a Singapore Red Cross Bear from SRC to PMI and PMI presented us with a plaque.  

LET THE EVENTS BEGIN!

The teaching team gathered and grabbed our teaching aid which included 2 miniature little Anne, 2 chocking demo sets, and triangular bandages. We were then led to the upstairs classrooms where tables and chairs were pushed aside to make more floor space.

The team split into 2 so that we can accommodate 2 groups of 30 students. Despite having a discussion yesterday about ‘lesson plans’ we had to make do with what we have. What were we teaching first? Which team was going to take which teaching aids? You’d think that since there’s 2 of each; at least for miniature little Anne and the chocking demo sets we could split. But my team took both Annes and allowed the kids to have their hand on the CPR dummy and try it for themselves. While the other team started with chocking.

We had the kids sit by 3 sides of the classroom and we took ‘centre stage’. If I hadn’t said it already, I will; I enjoy teaching. We had to break the ice somehow, there’s no manual on “how to start a lesson” especially since there was no concrete plan on how we were going to go about doing this. I did the first thing at the top of my mind and that was to jump right into the centre and wave my hands whilst saying “hello!!!”. And an equally enthusiastic response was returned.

I am incredibly grateful for the PMI staff we had with us and the youth volunteer who helped us with translation. Despite English being taught in school, but because it isn’t practised very much at home there is still some form of language barrier. The kids were very patient with me and the translators, which made teaching went on without any major hiccups. Each step was taught with great patience ensuring that the kids understood everything and that no one got left behind. We taught what was essential; under what circumstances would CPR be required, how it was done, the positioning of the hands, knees placed apart for stability, locating the landmark and the placing of the heel of the palm, how the elbows had to remain straight and teaching them that we weight needed to allow compression to happen was coming from your own body instead of exerting strength from your arms.

At first, I thought it would be fun to have the kids raise their hands to try out the dummy, first to raise their hands would come up. Then I quickly realised that it was not feasible. So after a few quick hands, I decided to go good-old-one-by-one in sequence, that also allowed me to keep track of who has tried CPR on the dummy.

I had a few interesting questions that I can recall off the top of my head;

1.      Miss, why must the elbow be straight?

a.      Less force is exerted if the elbow is bent

2.      Miss, if the unconscious person has a pulse do I still do CPR?

a.      Pulse = heartbeat, which means the person is alive and so CPR is not necessary

We taught them how to secure various fractures; cervical fracture and a wrist/forearm fracture. Simple fracture. Nothing complicated.

Teaching them was an amazing experience; answering their queries and quenching their thirst for knowledge was amazing beyond words can tell.

The time soon came for us to say goodbye, but not before handing out little presents to them. One by one they came to us and greeted us in the most respected way possible; in Indonesia or rather the Muslim community, young ones greet their elders by holding their hands and placing it to their faces and then their own hands to their chest. This form of greeting is known as ‘salam’.

Just before we stepped out Ibu invited us to lunch. We left school and the bus took us to a seafood restaurant. It wasn’t posh, it wasn’t anywhere ‘upscale’, a dirt road led us in-between 2 rows of shops. You’d think that somewhere like this was an ordinary seafood place, but when we walked in, it was almost like a political rally, the Mayor of Batam was finishing his lunch, people were surrounding him and pictures were taken. There was an exchange of formalities between the Mayor and Ibu and we each went on our way. A private room with 4 tables was prepared for us.

Cereal prawn, fried fish, vegetables, chili crab, rice were served to us. Not forgetting fresh coconut and its refreshing water and flesh. It was an amazing lunch. We thanked Ibu for the invite and salam as we made our way out. It was only right after the way we were treated throughout our stay.

Last minute shopping before we made our way back to Singapore where I believe most of us knocked out during the hour-long boat ride.

I’ve been volunteering with Red Cross for over a year now and I have met several beneficiaries; I’m a born and raised Singaporean, we may not be rich, but we get by, I may have seen our low-income families but I’ll never understand their difficulties as I am lucky enough to have not walked in their shoes. I was fortunate enough to have lived abroad for almost a year and I’ve come to appreciate what Singapore has to offer; clean water, convenient public transport, good healthcare coverage, good public education system and a generally safe place to call home. I’m grateful for a job that pays me enough to travel from time to time and travelling solo has opened my eyes to other parts of the world. I’m not here to gloat or brag about my life; after the mission trip I’ve come to really understand the term “the ones with the least to give have the most to offer”. This trip opened my eyes to below poverty line and despite that, help is bountiful. This trip has given me more than I could ask for; kindness, respect and a lifetime of learning ahead of me.

[ms-joeeey-blog]

Outbound Program and Excursion for Overseas Students

On February 2, 2019 we had our outbound activity. We were fetched by the van provided by Undiksha. The student teachers from ISAT and TAU rode the other car while we rode the van togther with Coleen, Recom, Aj, Maikha, Regine, Rogie, Rowell, Ibu Ratmi and her family. We left Edutel around 8:00 in the morning. Our first location was Beji Temple.

Beji Temple

When we went at Beji Temple Ibu Ratmi prayed while we took photos of the place. Ibu said that it’s okay if we only take pictures since we do not have the same religion. We just have to make sure that we are going to be silent. This is one of the most famous temples in Singaraja. 

The design is so unique and beautiful.

This is what you will see when you enter the temple.

The view when we were about to leave the temple.

Of course we didn’t miss the chance to take a photo of the beautiful temple. At this time,  I can say that we are already close with each other and it seems like we don’t want to leave Bali anymore. Because of the friendship, the beautiful place and people.

We became close and we eventually named our group chat “Team Pagi.”

After we took photos, we immediately went to our next location.

Menyali Village

When we arrived in Menyalin Village, we are welcomed by the warm smiles and traditional music by many people. The girls are wearing traditional Balinese costume and dancing Balinese dance.

Here’s a video clip of the beautiful music that we heard upon our arrival. All of the people were so nice to us that they given us freshly-picked rambutans from the village.

While we were waiting for Pande to prepare the things needed for the ourbound activities we enjoyed a snack they prepared.

We have cassava, sweet banana, and sweet corn. They are topped with coconut shavings. We also get to try Balinese coffee but instead of just hot water, they used ginger water. It was my first time to try it and it was delicious.

Here’s a photo of my friend, Rowell, who’s really enjoying the food we ate back in Menyali Village.

After we ate our snacks we rested for a while, then Pande called us because the activities is going to satrt in a moment. The weather is really hot. Luckily, I bought my cap and applied sun screen to protect me from the heat of the sun.

We played a lot of games. First one is grouping into what number Pande wants and the none without a group mate will be out. Second one is the marble relay where we have to pass the marble using only the spoon in our mouth. Third one is transferring the water from one pail to another which the photo shows. Our team, unfortunately, lost in all activities. But we were happy to spend time with each other. The outbound activities in Menyali Village made us closer to each other.

It was really a hot day. Even after we lose, we still posed for a groufie with big smiles on our faces. We really enjoyed the activity.

Back in Menyali Village they also taught us yoga that we should do preferably sunrise. We also meditated and we were taught about the seven chakras in our body. It was a very fun activity that we were able to learn about meditation and yoga. It may be weird at first but it was really relaxing.

After we ate our lunch, we bought Balinese coffee made by the people in the village. 

We get to have a tree in the village named by our group. That’s our tree in the photo with us. After that, we also paid respect to the owner’s spiritual guru. He let us see traditional bathrooms as well as traditional kitchen. They also gave us a lot of rambutan to bring with us. I surely enjoyed the trip, i’m sure that my friends enjoyed a lot too.

Air Sanih Resort

Then, for our final destination that day we went to a resort. The staff from Undiksha already went home. While Ibu Dini, Ibu Inda and their families accompanied us to the resort. They also brought their kids to swim.

I didn’t swim when we went to the resort because my legs will experience cramps if I will take a bath after running around. Instead, Rowell, Regine and I just took a lot of photos after we drank fruit shake.

Here’s Regine and me at the sea side.

Air Sanih Beach has an amazing view of the sea of Bali. Here’s another phot of Rowell as thanks for being my photographer during my last few days in Bali.

The mandatory groufie by Team Pagi. We really enjoyed the excursion a lot. Even if I didn’t swim, I get to enjoy the view and the time we spent talking and making friends with each other.

After our photo opts we already went back to Edutel around 4 pm. I was so tired that I slept the whole ride going back to the hotel. It was tiring but it was fun. It’s a perfect getaway from the pressure when we are preparing and teaching. It somewhat relaxed our minds, body and spirits.

Terima kasih, Undiksha for the opportunity to explore a little bit of Bali. 

[ardegea-blog]

A Little Tribute to MCU (and Stan Lee)

HELLO FELLAS! Udah lama sejak postingan tumblr yang terakhir :)). Dan tulisan ini adalah tulisan tumblr pertama di tahun 2017 ini. Maafkan tumblr ini jadi ga keurus, umm.. karena... ada kesayangan baru nih.... ehehehe. 

Jadi kenapa baru sekarang nulis lagi?

So.. pertama tama gue mau nyampein tulisan ini akan billingual Bahasa Indonesia Sunda maaf kalo jadi pusing karena bahasanya nyampur nyampur atau karena kurang ngert bahasa inggrisnya, harap maklum aja hehe. 

Kedua, ini tulisan pertama gue tentang perfilman, kalo kalian suka, gue mungkin akan bikin banyak tulisan2 lainnya tentang film favorit gue. So let’s start shall we, Here we go

Senin pagi gue iseng iseng browsing sambil siap siap presentasi untuk kuliah PMIP, sampai akhirnya gue nemuin video announcement dari Marvel ini di YouTube dan I feel goosebumps all over my body, like seriously, It’s full of nostalgic feeling. All Aboard the hype train! 

Memang sebelumnya Announcement Video pra produksi ini pernah dilakukan oleh Disney untuk film Star Wars: The Last Jedi tahun lalu, dan membuat heboh dan perbincangan hangat di kalangan para netizen di seluruh dunia. Apa arti dari The Last Jedi? Apa ini berarti Luke Skywalker akan mati? Apakah Rey akan tergoda dan berpaling pada Dark Side? Atau sebaliknya Kylo Ren yang kembali ke Light Side? Kalau kalian tanya gue, gue optimis Star Wars Episode VIII ini akan penuh dengan suasana mencekam, make the viewers constantly on the edge of their seat, dan tentunya ga bakal ngebosenin. Itu karena gue ngeliat besar kemungkinan Last Jedi akan mengadaptasi plot film Empire Strikes Back, Which is the best Star Wars film until now, and one of the best sequel ever made.

Tapi di tulisan ini gue ga akan ngebahas lebih lanjut tentang Star Wars, Gue akan ngebahas tentang Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity Wars Announcement Video. Bagi kalian yang belum liat videonya, check this out!

Finally guys, we got to see Thanos in Action! 

Setelah 9 film semenjak The Avengers akhirnya Thanos bangkit dari kursinya dan langsung turun tangan berhadapan langsung dengan barisan superhero terbaik yang Marvel punya di MCU. (Sori aja Fantastic Four, Kalian ga pantes gabung di MCU)

FYI, I Really Love Watching Films. And I’m not ashamed to admit that for some film, I love watching a good film more than reading a good book. Yes I’m not kidding. Seringkali abis nonton film saking bagusnya sampai ngebuat gue penasaran sama bukunya, dan mulai nyari nyari bukunya. 

Ah di, lu orangnya pasti males ya masa lebih suka nonton film

Ya ya kalian boleh bilang begitu, tapi ingat gue bilang kalau pernyataan itu berlaku untuk beberapa film. Contohnya Lord of The Rings, gue jaman kelas 1 SD mana tau kalo buku karangan JRR Tolkien yang terbit setengah abad lalu ternyata sangat bagus, aing jaman SD malah gak tau kalo filmnya berdasarkan buku ._. Lalu ada Harry Potter (terutama yang Prisoner of Azkaban. This movie is a real masterpiece. Thanks Alfonso Cuarón for making my childhood a great one)

Ga ketinggalan ada film seperti, The Prestige, Children of Men (Satu lagi karya Alfonso Cuarón), sama film klasik The Godfather, Jaws, Silence of the Lambs, film jadul yang bahkan ditonton sekarang pun masih bagus dan gak bikin bosen. Ga peduli itu film Drama atau film Horror, film Kartun, atau film Action, Thriller atau Science fiction, Genre Epic Saga atau Noir Crime. Film adaptasi komik, novel atau kejadian di dunia nyata, Gue juga sangat suka Serial TV yang bagus seperti Game of Thrones, Sherlock. Anime berpuluh-puluh episode (Avatar:The Last Airbender, Fullmetal Alchemist, Code Geass). dan masih banyak lagi. Gue enjoy berbagai film dari berbagai genre.

Pada film yang bagus ada keajaiban khusus yang gak bisa dideskripsikan, the magic of technicolor world just flow. Sangat memuaskan menonton film dengan plot yang menarik, dibawakan oleh aktor dan aktris yang menjiwai perannya dengan baik, ditambah cinematography yang ciamik, sutradara yang berkelas dan membawa kita melihat karakter yang kita lihat dilayar berkembang dan belajar sampai akhirnya jadi karakter yang kita kagumi di akhir film (atau serial TV).

Lalu apa jadinya jika banyak film bagus yang berdiri sendiri, punya cerita yang saling berkaitan?

Banyak orang dan sempat skeptis akan ide ini, tapi kemudian Marvel merilis film The Avengers tahun 2012 lalu, dan film ini mengguncang seluruh jagat film, Film ini disukai banyak orang, mendapat banyak penghargaan termasuk Oscar, menjadi film terlaris di tahun itu dengan total pendapatan 1,5 miliar USD worldwide! Menempatkannya di tahta peringkat 3 film paling laris di dunia (disusul Star Wars VII, dan Jurrasic World).

Tak hanya itu kesuksesan film Avengers membuka jalan untuk kesuksesan film film selanjutnya, karena di akhir film kita tau bahwa the ultimate and the most badass supervillain of all time hasn’t come out yet, yups benar, dia adalah Thanos

Hal ini berarti orang-orang yang seneng dengan Avengers akan setia menonton seluruh film dalam MCU agar bisa terus up to date dengan ceritanya. Sama kayak ibu ibu yang gak mau ketinggalan sinetron Indianya, atau ukhti ukhti yang gak mau kelewatan satu episode pun drakor favoritnya. 

Dan berkaca dari kesuksesan Marvel, produser2 film pun berlomba melakukan hal yang sama, temasuk juga produser film Indonesia. Saking masif dampaknya hingga semuanya ingin menjiplak MCU, namun kebanyakan berujung dengan kegagalan total. DC Extended Universe collapse setelah BvS Dawn of Justice serta Suicide Squad gagal memenuhi ekspektasi. Bisa diprediksi Justice League pun mungkin bisa sedikit lebih baiktidak akan jauh dari sana. 

Lalu di Indonesia ada Rudy Habibie, Surga yang Tak Dirindukan 2 dan masih banyak lagi.

Oke mari kita balik lagi ke topik

Ketika pertama kali nonton film Iron Man (2008), gue masih di bangku SMP film ini sangat bagus dan berkesan untuk gue yang masih polos di SMP. Tapi film ini memberi dampak besar saat duduk bangku SMA dimana film ini selalu diputar berualang ulang di Bioskop Trans TV. Gue pun terinspirasi sosok seorang Tony Stark yang selain merupakan pebisnis ulung dia juga seorang engineer yang brillian. 

Coba bayangkan, Ia bisa membuat reaktor nuklir seukuran kepalan tangan di dalem gua penjara sarang teroris untuk menyelamatkan dirinya dan mentenagai battle suit canggih agar bisa kabur. It’s so awesome, walaupun fiksi tapi mampu membuat gue semakin termotivasi untuk masuk ITB dan menjadi seorang Engineer.

Saat kelas 2 SMA dan Avengers baru keluar beberapa hari gue langsung ajak sekeluarga buat nonton. Saat nonton gue bingung akan adanya karakter Loki dan Thor, ternyata gue skip nonton Thor dan baru nonton DVD nya di rumah Rifqy sambil ngerjain tugas kelompok pelajaran B, Indo, bikin acara acara TV =D

Iron Man 2 dan Avengers membuat gue memantapkan cita-cita untuk jadi seorang Insinyur Mesin (Mechanical Engineer) dan ikut mengembangkan teknologi energi bersih dan terjangkau untuk Indonesia dan membuat tanah air ini mandiri, rakyatnya pintar, melek teknologi dan sejahtera. I want to be the real life Iron Man of indonesia. Some of you may laugh.. but hey.. people say dream BIG right? This is my dream.

Semester 2 di ITB gue dibuat ternganga dan terkagum dengan Captain America : Winter Soldier. Mulai dari sana gue mulai terikat dengan idealisme, keheroikan dan patriotisme Captain America

Kemudian masih di tahun yang sama ketika sudah memasuki semester pertama di Teknik Mesin ITB. Gue dikenalkan dengan this fun-wacky-space-Avengers called Guardians Of Galaxy. Film yang sangat original dan menghibur.

Di penghujung semester 6, Civil War dirilis dan gue dikenalkan dengan Black Panther dan Spiderman yang baru. Di Semester 7, Benedict Cumberbatch yang malang melintang manjadi aktor papan atas setelah gebrakannya di serial Sherlock masuk ke MCU sebagai Doctor Stephen Strange

Kemudian akan ada Infinity wars, Film yang kemungkinan besar akan merebut tahta film paling laris dari Avatar. Didukung dengan ensemble cast penuh bintang hollywood papan atasKetika film Infinity Wars keluar, insya allah gue sudah lulus dan mulai membangun mimpi gue. The dream that was inspired by, and accompanied by these great films for this past 9 years. Film yang gue enjoy, juga dengan cameo cameo dari Stan Lee yang selalu hadir di tempat tak terduga dan gak jarang karakternya sangat menghibur. 

Gue ga kebayang kalo Stan Lee tidak mendirikan Marvel Comic, dan Marvel Studios tidak memproduksi film Iron Man, which kick start this whole universe. Mungkin saja gue ga diterima di ITB dan berjuang di jurusan yang terkenal angker dalam memberi nilai ini, bertemu orang-orang yang luar biasa juga menginspirasi dengan caranya masing-masing, kemudian bertemu dengan pujaan hati gue. All of these may not be possible without Stan Lee and Marvel Studios. :’))

Now I say to teenagers/adults/kids or any MCU fan across the world, as the first saga in the MCU comes to a close... 

Let me just say : May the MCU make many more movies and TV shows over the next 50 yrs so our kids and their kids can get the same enjoyment and satisfaction we did when we grew up with these characters. 

May they continue to bring inspiration for generations and generations of people who dare to dream and dare to act. Because that’s exactly what this nation need, people who stepped up and face everything with courage, and unite to bring Indonesia... to glory...

This is my little tribute, mohon maaf bila sedikit panjang dan cukup membingungkan dan bila ada salah salah kata, semoga bermanfaat untuk semuanya terutama untuk diri penulis. Let me know if you like it and if you want to share your story ask.fm/ardegeaa. 

Long live Marvel Cinematic Universe, Long live Stan Lee. And as always thanks for your attention. Have a good day. Cheers!

[cbrandonmorales-blog]

I'm stopping at 2 Silos Brewing because I missed my bus in Manasses because there was traffic because some assholes caused a wreck because they were probably not Turning Down to drive.

This shithole "campus" is beautiful and there are 2 Silos on site with some other barn looking shit. It's the day before Thanksgiving so there's bunch of middle-aged assholes with their junk-ass kids from George Mason University. It's packed but they still poured me a flight of 7.

1st up is the NOVA White Belgian nose has sweet banana-y, highly carbonated creating a bouncy body. Easy drinking with sweet onset and a wheaty and lightly bitter finish and linger. Like a rich person's Blue Moon. Nice but not my bag.

2nd is the VIRGINIA Cream Ale (the assholes capatalize the entire first word or term to force it's name on you. #MeToo. Nose is light molasses like a hint of car exhaust in a pleasing way. Has a surprising bit of an initial bite but settles into a sweet creamy drink of medium full body. Almost deserty so it may work better than the Arbor Mist I try to lure pre-teens to my house with. If they're tough and wanna prove to their friends they like beer.

The MASON Pale Ale was critiqued as "so good" by the stout sorority girl in line behind me, dressed in appropriate autumn Han Solo apparel + Uggs. Slight sour nose like dried pickle juice. Seems highly bubbly and sweet, not what I want after that Cream Ale, and it's a bit smoother, but not in a charming way. I will NOT being inviting Ms. Solo to my next endeavor. Also, she rubbed by me exiting the door to my side carrying her over priced pizza. #MeToo. Beer tasting more syrupy now.

COMMONWEALTH Black IPA one of my favorite styles. Sorta chocolate nose - not strong, but my shit might be blown out from the fumes of the opera house workshop. Definitely roasty and bitter but lacking in hoppiness. Milky body but plenty of bubbles. Not bad, but kinda boring. Like my singing.

FEST BIER definitely smells sweet and malty. Beer Is spelled auf Deutch incase you're a fucktard student and want to connect to your German heritage without any of the work. Def "Rich, Toasty, and Malty" as the board says. Middle aged chubby dad just ordered a spiked hot chocolate for himself and I just came a little out of dissapointment. Like my Dad when I was growing up. Not my favorite beer ever but color me Ich bin Impressed! One of the few Fest/Marzen "biers" I've liked at all. Wouldn't buy it at a store though.

AMBER ale they apparently gave up on naming as they had already spent all their energy on translating Beer into German for the Fest. Malty nose, but toasted oats, malts and a dry but sweet finish. Make this better than expected. Family by me is taking a group slefy and I'm awkwardly right next to them. They're not jokingly including me after I offered to make more room by going to a different spot and they said thank you but they're fine and then made some stupid fucking hole about drinking my beer and I painfully faked a laugh. But now they turn their backs. Haha. It's cool. Not hurt.

OLD DOMINION Imp Stout has a bready nose and Bob Marley's "Jammin" just came on so every white person in the building started nodding those pasty flesh covered skulls. Medium full body and a very bready profile makes this a standard imp stout that's not too bad. 72 IBU so it has a bit of a kick, rather than that typical smooth, strong, chiseled black, ebonied body I'm so used to.

The music had picked up with more saxophone riffs and reggae styling so the moms of the vicinity have upped the level of awkwardness, fueled by weak adult hot chocolates and sweet pale ales. This may have to end this post.

[berriesncherries11]

Nothing

Life is interesting. This isn’t a deceptive statement, it’s the truth. I always remember the time when I was a kid where everything that happened in my life was just a thing where I was not accountable for my own action. There were always had adults who was going to make it better or worse. But now, I am the adult. I’m the one who makes decision that worth regretting later on. Or maybe celebrating, who knows. Who am I kidding, I know myself well enough to know that most of decisions I made weren't good. I actually don’t feel about myself because these couple months have been rough. I feel sad, not enough and useless. Now that I read back, being sad sound better compared to other emotions. To be brutally honest with ya, what I feel is beyond sadness, it might be depression. It is not new to me, I have been through this before but it got better. Gladly, it was a jump start. But now, I don’t feel the same about it and right now, everything starts to fell apart are not helping either. I know this get dark so quick lol but right now, I am on the verge to have mental break down. It is this close, I swear to God. I am not giving up just yet, but I know I will. It’s not easy to pull myself back up. I need help. I need support from my families, friends and everyone around me. Tell me that it is going to be okay, tell me that no matter what happen, I am still worthy of love, success and happiness. Be there for me, and stop asking me to open up to you because I am an expert on hiding behind wounds. You know when I am not okay, I don’t have to tell. Tough days are approaching but I hope I have the energy to snap right back to reality. Keep going, pick up every pieces of me left and fight. It will be over and it gets better. Maybe it’s just a bad dream, all I need to do is wake up.

 New Resolutions

1. Fight. Fuck depression, I am happy.

2. Get closer to Allah. Ask for His helps

3. Make a study schedule so I don’t waste time.

4. Take a break from social media, tv series and movies.

5. be heathy. Get enough sleep and drink more water (stay hydrated)

6. Be a better friend, a better daughter and a better human being

7. Do not overthink, just do it. There’s always time.

8. Regularly call ibu and ayah and keep myself in check.

9. Read Quran daily

10. Keep my head straight in class and focus.

11. Keep writing to make myself feel better.