#JOKE. joke. however. dear fucking god i do not feel well

[serapheseraphim]

I have come down sick. Whoever did this to me is going missing.

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐌

Toji Fushiguro & Shiu Kong

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader x Shiu Kong

Summary: Shiu knows that his best friend and his wife like each other, so he chooses to do something about it.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, threesome, vaginal fingering, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), face fucking, handjob, creampie, Shiu is jealous (just a bit), praising, they call reader a slut

*Yes, this is my third time reposting this

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Your husband sees the way you look at his best friend. It’s hard not to see the lust behind your eyes every time that you look at Toji. When you hear that Toji’s coming over, you put on your cutest dress, put on some makeup and do your hair. He watches as you giggle at his every joke, getting a little too touchy with him as well. You always assure your husband that it’s nothing, even if he catches you red handed flirting with Toji; it’s not actually flirting… At least nothing too intense, but it’s enough to make him see red.

Shiu is completely jealous of Toji. So fucking jealous because his wife likes his best friend more than him. It makes Shiu seethe, and what infuriates him more is the fact that he has to pretend everything is okay. He has to keep his cool around you when you lie and tell him that you don’t understand what he means, you obviously don’t like Toji. That’s his best friend. You only have eyes for him.

God, he’s so fucking annoyed by it all. But he has a plan, something that he should maybe consult with you both first, but he isn’t. He calls you when he’s headed home and he tells you how he wants to find you: all dolled up, wearing his favorite lingerie set. He knows that you’ll abide since he asks very little of you. All while Toji sits next to him on his ride home, not paying any attention to what Shiu says. 

They converse very little while on the way there; Toji is engulfed in his phone, and Shiu wonders why since Toji isn’t usually the type of person that stares at his phone. Maybe Toji is checking up on his son– Or he’s talking to someone. Either way, Shiu doesn’t care, as long as Toji isn’t talking to Shiu’s wife.

“What’s your wife cooking tonight?” Toji finally asks, looking at Shiu, who just shrugs in response. You’re definitely not cooking anything. “I hope it’s something good, I’m fucking hungry.”

“You won’t be that hungry when we get there.” Shiu says, which doesn’t make any sense. Toji is about to question it but Shiu parks in front of the house. They exit the car and walk into the home. The men hear you yell,

“Shiu!” You drag out his name, walking to the living room to meet him; you’re wearing just what he wanted you to wear, looking exactly how he wanted you to. You have a smirk on your face, however, it fades away when your eyes land on a man that’s not your husband. You and Toji stare at each other for a minute before you both turn to look at Shiu. “What the hell is this?”

“Hmm… What?” Shiu pretends to be confused. You both shoot daggers his way until he puts his hands up defensively. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, I’m just trying to do you a favor.”

“A favor? What exactly?” You ask him, watching as Shiu steps toward you. He kisses your lips before a smile comes to his lips.

“You two get to fuck as long as I get to join you.” Shiu says, and you cross your arms.

“Who said I want to fuck him?” You furrow your eyebrows. Yeah, you want to fuck Toji, but you’d never tell that to your husband– You know better than that. Shiu’s hand goes under your chin and he tilts your head up. He chuckles before he pecks your lips again.

“You don’t have to lie to me, honey. I know you better than you think.” Shiu responds. “Plus, you see how quiet Toji is? You might not like him so much, but he certainly wants to fuck you. Would you do that for my dear friend? Please?”

“I– Um– No–” It feels like someone else has taken over Toji’s body. He would certainly agree if he had gotten the news before walking into your home and finding you in lingerie. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just agree because Shiu has clearly given the greenlight– But this could all be a test and Toji can’t lose his only friend. Shiu helps Toji out in so many ways, Toji can’t lose that. “I don’t–”

“Who do you two think I am?” Shiu ends up asking, and you end up rolling your eyes. Since he wants you to fuck Toji so bad, fine. You walk over to Toji, smiling at him before your hands go up to his shoulders and then meet behind his neck

“He wants us to fuck so bad, fine. Let’s do it.” You lick your lip before smirking at Toji. He can’t be blamed, you were the one that walked over to him first. Shiu would surely understand, right? If it’s a test, Toji tries to fight back his desire but he can’t when you’re looking so tempting in front of him. Your hand caresses his cheek before your lips go up to meet his. 

He kisses you back and deepens the kiss, licking your bottom lip and when you open your mouth, his tongue goes inside your mouth. His tongue presses against yours, and he lets his hands roam around your body, although he’s hesitant at first. He gets more comfortable as he feels you up. He completely forgets that Shiu is watching, getting lost in your lips and your tongue.

You end up pulling away, a smirk coming to your lips. You grab his hand and walk over to your husband, grabbing his hand as well. You take both men to the bedroom, and when you’re there, Toji’s arms wrap around your waist before one hand wraps around your throat and he begins to kiss you. Shiu begins to kiss and suck on your neck while Toji focuses on your lips. Shiu kisses up your neck and stops at your ear, “You look so good tonight, honey.”

You’re not paying much attention to Shiu since Toji is so intoxicating. Toji’s hand goes into your panties, and his index and middle finger run through your folds. His fingers move slowly and move in a circular motion once they’re on your clit. Toji pulls away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips. Toji has a smug smile on his lips before he comments, “Oh, you’re so fucking pretty. I can’t wait to watch you take my cock.”

Toji takes his hand out of your panties, and he looks at Shiu. Shiu kisses your jaw before he orders, “Get on the bed.”

You do so without a problem. Both men want the same thing, and it’s to get on their knees and taste you on their tongue. Shiu loves the way you taste on his tongue, and while Toji is a person that prefers to receive rather than give, he just wants to taste you for at least once in his life; your lips aren't enough.

The sight of two men getting on their knees for you is something that certainly boosts your ego. Toji’s tongue begins to run through your folds while Shiu’s tongue goes directly to your clit. You bite down on your lip, holding back the soft moans that threaten to leave your lips as the men start off. They’re both looking up at you, watching your pretty face as pleasure slowly consumes you– It’s not too much now, but Shiu stops lapping at your clit and he smiles at you.

“Open your mouth, baby.” Shiu says, which you do, and he shoves his fingers in. Your tongue swirls around them, and when he thinks they’re wet enough, he inserts both fingers into your cunt. You moan, his thick fingers filling you up. He slowly moves them in and out of you, “Oh, you’re so pretty… You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? You were thinking about doing this, right?”

You bite down your lip and you shake your head. You can’t let your husband know that you have been thinking about this… More about Toji than him, but you certainly don’t mind having both. Shiu scissors his fingers, and he watches you shut your eyes.

You throw your head back and finally moan. You feel a second tongue on your cunt again, and when you look back at them, you watch as Shiu’s tongue presses against Toji’s to take over. Toji doesn’t want to stop but Shiu is too overbearing and Toji stops. Toji gets a different idea, his eyes landing on your juicy lips.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so pretty.” Toji gets up from the floor and takes a seat beside you. He grabs your throat again, his lips landing on yours again, and your hand goes to his pants. You unbutton his pants and move your hand into his boxers, your hand wrapping around his cock. Shiu watches you, so focused on how your tongue swirls around Toji’s and it’s turning him on more than he’d like. You’re moaning into the kiss, and Toji loves the vibrations that it sends– Although that’s the last thing he notices while your hand lazily strokes his cock.

Toji’s free hand goes to your back and unhooks your bra. He pulls away from the kiss and slides off your bra. Toji kisses down your neck and his mouth then lands on your nipple. He begins to suck on your nipple while you take your hand out to spit on it before your hand goes back to stroking his cock. 

Your moans roam freely into the air, Shiu’s tongue working just right, and so are his fingers. His fingers are curved just right, and they brush against your sweet spot; it makes you glad that he’s the one that’s fingering you instead of Toji because Shiu just knows every inch of your body. Your orgasm is building up, and you get louder by the second.

You look down at your husband who is looking back up at you. He’s watching every contort in your face, something that’s enough to make him soil his pants. You shut your eyes again, and he knows how close you are to finishing. It’s just all too much for you. Not only Shiu, but Toji moaning against your tit as you stroke his cock. Shiu absolutely hates how you’re moaning Toji’s name though– It drives Shiu absolutely insane.

“Fuck, Shiu!” You finally moan his name as you reach your orgasm, and when Toji hears Shiu’s name, he bites down on your nipple. Shiu takes his fingers out and stops playing with your clit, standing up from the floor. Toji also stops sucking on your breast, and you take your hand out of his boxers. Shiu unbuttons his pants, taking them off along with his boxers.

“You pick what you want to do with her, Toji.” Shiu says, completely ignoring what you’d like. Shiu knows you, you’d be fine with anything as long as you get fucked. Toji licks his lips as he looks you up and down before he stands up.

“Bend over.” Toji orders, and you do as he says. He spanks your ass before he pulls down his pants and strokes his cock a couple of times before his tip runs through your folds. He inserts his cock slowly, and you immediately feel how much thicker he is compared to your husband– And he’s longer too. 

Toji has to bite his mouth to not make a sound as he feels your pussy wrap around him. You feel so fucking good around him, even better than he imagined. He’s always thought about you like this– He just didn’t expect it to feel so fucking good. 

“Fuck– Gimme a minute, Toji.” You say, needing a minute to get adjusted to him. You nearly forget about your husband, until his body is right in front of you. He grabs a handful of your hair and forces you to look up at his face.

“I hope my pretty little wife hasn’t forgotten about me.” Shiu comments, and you’re too focused on Toji to properly take care of your husband. Your hand wraps around his cock and you begin to stroke his cock.

“After this, she’ll completely forget about you.” Toji jokes. He begins to move, and your hands hold on to Shiu’s thighs for balance. Shiu takes advantage of your open mouth to shove his cock inside it. Your moans are completely muffled with your mouth wrapped around your husband’s cock.

Both men are moving their hips to gain pleasure from you. Toji’s nails are digging into your hips while your nails are digging into Shiu’s thighs. Toji hears as you gag on Shiu’s cock, and he chuckles before he mutters, “You didn’t tell me your wife is such a good little slut.”

“Shut up. I don’t want to listen to you.” Shiu says. Drool is running down your chin as you gag on your husband’s dick. He thrusts it in and out of you, being less gentle than he usually is. You can’t complain though, you like this side of him– You’re not so focused on him but rather the cock that fills up your cunt.

Toji’s dick hits every right spot, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. Right now you’re so grateful that your husband came up with this. You hear Shiu moan, “Fuck– What a good little mouth… Maybe I should fuck it more often.”

“Doubt it’s as good as this.” Toji responds, picking up speed with each thrust. He’s getting harsher with each thrust and you fucking love it. You’re moaning on Shiu’s cock, and it’s driving the man wild. Toji praises you, “You’re taking it like a good little slut.”

“Oh, she’s a good little slut.” Shiu replies. Oh, they’d love to hear your response to this, but your mouth is just so full. Tears run down your eyes, the makeup on your face completely fucked up. “My good little slut.”

One of Toji’s hands goes under to play with your clit, even though through penetration alone he could make you come. Your orgasm doesn’t take too long to build up. Your walls are tightening around Toji’s cock, and he’s groaning at the feeling.

“Fuck… Shit…” Shiu begins, his breathing getting heavy as his release approaches. Your mouth feels so great when it’s wrapped around his cock. It’s so good that the slight jealousy that he felt at the beginning, thinking about Toji feeling your tight pussy, is completely gone. You’re looking up at your husband, watching how his head is thrown back and he’s getting lost in the feeling.

You feel his cum hit the back of your throat, and you attempt your best to swallow every drop before it spills out of your mouth and down his cock/the floor. Just as Shiu pulls his cock out, your orgasm takes over you. Your nails dig into Shiu’s thighs even stronger, drawing blood from his flesh as you try to maintain your balance. 

Toji looks at how your juices coat his cock, hearing the lewd sound that results from him thrusting in and out of you, and it drives him insane. He’ll be thinking about this for months. He’s so close to finishing, and his thrusts become sloppy– Should he pull out or…?

His thinking gets too cloudy. Before he can even decide if he wants to pull out, he ends up finishing inside of you. Once every drop of his cum is inside of you, he pulls out. 

“Sorry man, I meant to pull out.” Toji says, pushing his cum back inside you.

“It’s alright man, pull out next time.”

Next time?

[jade-jini]

yunjin is the only thing i can honestly think off 😭 also i’d love to see how y/n and loser g!p yunjin got together 🤭

(Look at this cute thing, I’m weak for her)

WELL OFC DEAR ANON lol. So continuing with how our loser g!p Yunjin and reader became all lovey dovey (sorry if it’s too long and if it took too long 😭) THIS IS ALL FLUFF.

As I mentioned, you guys are in the same program so you see her during class and often around campus, mostly just exchanging a few hi’s and comments about class stuff but it never became more than those short conversations. Yunjin can be a very outgoing loser, with her silly jokes and cute pickup lines and constant compliments. She was a sweet girl! Just didn’t feel brave enough to make a more bold move just yet:(. Sakura would always be like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?!” And she’d be like “NEVER GIVE UP!” But then when she has the chance to turn her flirt into something else she panics and goes🧍🏻‍♀️

She was getting brave tho, she really was! Until that stupid jock mf had to ruin all the confidence she (and Sakura) has been working so hard to build. This guy was into you. At first he really thought Yunjin didn’t have a chance because how could a loser have one? but then he noticed how you’d giggle like an idiot with Yunjin and his brain went “danger 😐” so like a fvckin asshole the only thing he thought was to make Yunjin afraid to make any move at all, hurting her self esteem.

It was during a morning that she hadn’t see you around yet. She always looks forward to the classes you shared, and when she didn’t see you in your seat as always, she was so confused ‘cause you tended to be on time. She still had hopes that you’d eventually show up. However, her confusion turned into disappointment and sadness when half the class passed and you were nowhere to be found. Yunjin knew she was being dramatic but c’mon! Seeing you is her favorite part of the day :( she spent the rest of the class resting her chin on her books with a pout. Eunchae saw her friend and thought she looked like a sad puppy, she thought it was cute and funny but also had sympathy for her friend. During the little break they had before their next class that was in the same room, she tapped Sakura’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Yunjin unnie looks like a lost puppy when y/n is not around I swear” she told her while trying not to laugh. The eldest turned her head to her red hair friend and sighed with a smile as she shook her head.

“She kinda is if you think about it, I guess” she told the youngest, who couldn’t contain a laugh from escaping her lips. This caused Yunjin to look up to her friends with a frown.

“It’s not fair, why isn’t she here?!” Yunjin started, fixing her posture “Y/n doesn’t tend to miss class, and if she didn’t come to this one she might as well just miss the rest of the day and the classes we have together… ” she complained with a cute pout, but unfortunately somebody heard their conversation.

“Like you would know, wouldn’t you creep?” The guy said, while looking at the girl with a sarcastic smile (Idk bro picture a kpop boi here if you want ig-). “God you spy on her so much you know her schedule? AND you wanna talk like you’re close with her and know what she would do. You’re such a weirdo, that’s exactly why she wouldn’t look at you, you know?” He said with that disgusting mean tone, like he himself knew you any better.

Yunjin was surprised, she knew this guy and knew he wasn’t friendly specially with well, people who didn’t share his exact interest (aka if you’re a nerd), but she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her at all let alone insult her like that, I mean she has gotten kinda bullied before when she was younger but she has done her best to either ignore these people or to defend herself, to which her friends helped a lot.

“And who the fuck are you to talk to her like that?-” Eunchae started but Sakura stopped her grabbing her arm, making sure the girl didn’t start any trouble. The man just put his hands up and laughed.

“I’m just saying, y/n is way out of your league bro, you’re embarrassing yourself and most likely making her feel uncomfortable. Do you enjoy doing that?”

“I would never do that!” Yunjin was offended, she didn’t have any bad intentions with you. Did she cross any boundary? You would tell her though right? You looked like somebody who knew how to speak for yourself well enough, she’s seen it. “I’d never do that intentionally, and I’m sure she would tell me. So far she hasn’t shown any discomfort in any moment we’ve talked.” she said trying to sound a little more confident, mostly to also convince herself you actually didn’t dislike her.

“she’s just too nice to let you know!” He answered as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. “And who knows, maybe she laughs behind your back at your behavior and that’s why she keeps you close.” He finished before walking out of the room, not letting any of the girls talk back (Lord and Sakura know Eunchae was ready to curse Tf outta him) and leaving a mess in Yunjin’s head, filling it with a lot of insecurities and doubts. Girlie was gonna be overthinking about you all day and not in the sweet cheesy way she always does :(

“What. An. Asshole!” Eunchae exclaimed, getting a scold from kkura for the language “no I’m serious what’s wrong with him?? Who does he think he is?! Asshole…”

“Hong Eunchae!” Sakura said in a serious tone, making the girl simply huff and sit down with crossed arms and a pout (Manchae my kid). “Yunjini? Are you ok?” She asked in a softer tone while sitting in her chair next to her friend, who had such a sad and pensive expression “don’t pay no mind to that guy, he doesn’t know you and I seriously doubt he knows y/n.”

“Yeah exactly!” The youngest said “he’s probably just jealous that you always make y/n laugh.”

“Yeah but is it a ‘you’re so funny I’m enjoying this’ laugh or a ‘you’re pathetic and embarrassing’ laugh? Now I don’t know…”

“She’s not a bad person, unnie. You wouldn’t like her if she was, right? But if you’re feeling insecure, let’s see her behavior carefully and maybe we’ll be able to tell.”

the tall girl sighed, resting her head on her books again. Eunchae and Sakura just looked at each other (the oldest patting her friend’s head), not sure how else to comfort their friend, but hoping next time she sees you something good happens and you somehow get those thoughts out of her head.

——

Meanwhile, you decided to miss a class and went to this store you found online where they sell different types of merch about video games, animes, stuff like that, to buy some cool genshin impact photocards you saw online. You knew two things; 1. Yunjin liked that game a lot, and 2. She was probably not gonna make a move to get closer any time soon lol so you decided to give the game a try, and liked it a lot! And now you’re gonna buy some photocards for her as well as a way of making more conversation and getting closer.

Once you got them, you quickly put a Genshin Yunjin one on your phone case (some selfies for social media Ofc) and decided to finally go to class, excited to show this girl that you were basically crushing on the gift you got for her.

Your second class of the day was luckily one with Yunjin, so you were hoping to make it on time to talk with her a little bit before it started, and so you did! But weirdly, you caught the girl on her seat, very quiet while the friends of her who also shared this class seemed a little worried and empathetic with whatever was going on with the red hair girl. You took your seat close to them and waved hi to her friend, whose name if you remember well was Sakura. With a sign you asked her if Jen was ok, to which she replied with a “so-so” sign and a little smile. You nodded sympathetically and decided to maybe wait until later on the day to talk with her, now feeling slightly nervous yourself to make any move. However, while you were considering this option, kkura thought seeing you might cheer her friend up, so she elbowed Yunjin and let her know that you were in the room.

Once the girl looked at your direction, there was a sparkle in her eyes, the one that always appeared whenever she saw you or thought of you. However, once she remembered the mean words the idiot from earlier told her, her smile turned into a more shy, sad small one, and her eyes went to the floor.

“Yunjin? You’re not gonna say hi to her like always?” The Japanese girl asked her in a low voice, trying to motivate her dear friend.

“I don’t know, Kkura..” the sad girl said “What if I just make her feel uncomfortable? What if that’s what I’ve been doing? That’s not only embarrassing, but also not fair for her to feel like that, and not fair for me to keep my hopes high if I’m clearly out of her league. I don’t wanna get even more hurt and also I—”but your voice interrupted her sad rambling.

“Hey Yunjin, Look what I got!” You called, smiling that pretty smile of yours and showing her the back of your phone, hoping this somehow will help cheering her up. And it did! Yunjin’s expression went from sad, to surprised that you called, to excited.

“Oh. My. God. Is that a Genshin Impact special edition Yun Jin photocard ?!” She said in her peculiar loud voice and with a smile showing her perfect teeth. There. There it was. The excited and loud loser who caught your attention. “Omg, y/n! How did you get this? I didn’t even know you liked Genshin!”

“Well, constantly hearing you screaming about it made me curious!” You teased her while laughing, to which she blushed but didn’t stop smiling while listening to you “it was just a few days ago so I’m very new, I actually enjoyed it a lot so I decided to search info about the characters online, and went this morning to this cool store I found to buy some of these.”

“So that’s why you weren’t here earlier” Sakura commented, making you look at her a little surprised.

“Oh you noticed?”

“Yunjin did.” Eunchae answered while looking at her friend with a mischievous smile, to which Yunjin responded with a blush, a threat in her eyes and a promise for vendetta later. “She missed you and everything.”

“Eunchae!” She simply groaned, pouting at the embarrassment her friend made her go through. But to you it was actually really cute the fact that she noticed your absence.

“Well, please accept these as an apology then.” You said while getting the little bag that contained the other photocards and giving it to her. She was so surprised because a gift. For her? From you?! “I didn’t know who your favorite character was so I made sure to get as many as possible. Please take as many as you want, I mainly got them for you to be honest.” You admitted, feeling brave to confess your intentions, even with her friends around.

“Oh my~ this is so cute!” Eunchae squeaked while shaking Yunjin’s shoulder (visual representation), while the girl was just speechless holding the bag you gave her and switching from looking at it to looking at you, who couldn’t stop smiling, satisfied at her reaction while your hands were politely behind your back in a cute shy way. Of course, Sakura had to push her to get out of her shocked state. Yunjin shook her head to bring herself back before speaking.

“Omg y/n, I don’t know what to say, thank you so much!” She said, feeling touched by the detail. Yunjin was looking at you with such sweet eyes, you were making her fall deeper for you, and she didn’t know that’s exactly your plan.

“It’s ok. Just please make sure to leave some Yun Jin for me, she’s my favorite character you know?” You told her in a clearly flirty way and a wink, making sure the message was clear. This made the red hair girl’s eyes open wide as her face had no idea what to do, besides blushing and smiling like an idiot.

“Hehe, Yunjin unnie’s face is trying to match her hair.” Eunchae teased, making you and Sakura laugh at the taller girl.

“Hong Eunchae I swear to God.”

——

After that conversation, the professor entered the classroom, so you quickly agreed on hanging out after class to continue talking about your interest in common. Sakura had a class, and Eunchae went with her after mentioning she was grateful to be able to go ‘cause she didn’t want to third wheel you guys anymore, earning another groan and blush from her best friend. Talking with Yunjin was really nice, and she was really hyped and happy about sharing this topic, so much she decided to invite you to her place so you could continue there, watch some content and even play a little bit! She was excited of being able to teach none other than her crush how to play her favorite game.

Of course she didn’t realize the weight of her actions until you were actually in her room.

Oh god. Her crush was in her room. Alone with her.

Girlie went from excited to nervous once she saw you making yourself comfortable in her bed. Her bed was really soft and warm, and her room was cozy. It reflected her personality well. A nice combination of beige walls and white. Most of the room had warm colors, and the decoration was based on some posters, little shelves with albums and books, pictures and figures of video-games characters the girl was a fan of. She was very organized and clean, her desk having her computer and just a couple notebooks at the moment. You hoped you could spend more time there with her in the future (and no not only for the nasty 🤨).

“This is a really nice place Yun” you told her.

“Thanks, that’s one of the reasons I like spending so much time at home.” She said with a giggle doing her best to contain the blush in her cheeks because did you just call her by a nickname?😳 bro do it again.

“I get it, if my room was this nice and comfy I too would prefer to just stay and play all day.” You said as she lied down next to you.

“Well, you can always come and play with me!” She offered smiling innocently (aw my pookie wookie 🥺), but c’mon you had to tease her after saying that-

“You want me to come play with you, huh?” You said with an obvious teasing tone and a smirk moving your eyebrows up and down, now making it impossible for the red hair girl to not match her cheeks color with her hair.

“I mean! It’s always fun to play genshin with friends…” she said, trying to save herself from the embarrassment, but she felt it was too late so her hands went to her face as she groaned in a low voice. You laughed. She was so endearing, so cute. You couldn’t resist her and she wasn’t even trying to do anything at all. This is the girl you wanted. It just felt too right. It felt like home in your heart even before it did in your head.

“You remember I told you Yunjin is my favorite genshin impact character?” You asked her, taking her hands off her face but not letting go of them, to which she hummed in response. “And do you know why she is my favorite character?”

“Well, her playability in my opinion is really good. Her design and character description is also captivating, and since you mentioned you’re new to the game maybe that’s the reason you liked her. Although I must say I pr—” god this girl could talk. So what’s better than shutting up your crush with a kiss? Nothing bro. Nothing so that’s what you did. With a sweet kiss that she was doing her very best to correspond once the initial shock passed, as she’s been dreaming of doing since the moment her eyes fell on you. Your hand moved slowly from her own hands to her face, caressing it softly as her trembling hand went to your waist. As the seconds passed, her hands felt more comfortable, so she hugged you closer to her, to which you responded hugging her as well. Once you stopped kissing ( barely leaving any space in between your faces), you whispered in her lips “so again, do you know why Yunjin is my favorite character?”

And with her vision blurry and her mind clearly malfunctioning because of everything that was happening (but can you blame her tho?) she said:

“Who’s Yunjin?”

Bro are you serious.

[rat-rambles]

I'm gona explain to yall why I think Stanley is the one that's ace aro in cannon and not Ford or Bill. (Yes all head cannons are vaild blah blah I love acearo people I am one don't kill me)

So basically it comes down to if stan wanted some he could. Young stan seems to be considered relatively conventional attractive (not like ugly men don't mange to hook up but still) and even as a "ugly" old man he is the hottest old person in town befor Ford shows up and. Once he gets over his social awkwardness he is actually able to date he just isn't about that life. "What about Stanley's ex wife's" I hear you scream at your screens well thanks to Bill I have notes.

Thank you bill now could be lieing yes but frankly I don't think his god Alex would let that happen for something like this. Especially becuse it's way funnier if it's all cannon. Now I think 2 of them can be considered legitimate and there not exactly romantic are they. Stanley is well known to care more about money than any romantic relationship witch dosnt sound like some one who's not aro to me. I'll give that there are a couple jokes pokeing wholes in my theroy however personaly any atemps at straightness by stan just feel very performative to me. Like there's something a whole easy to about how stans masculinity is just a reaction to incurity but all I'll say for now is stan is despite to prove he's not a failure and part of growing up in the 80s and not being a failure is geting bitches. And yet he can't comit to a relationship for more than a few days and it's not for commitment isues bitch comited to a fucking portal for 30 years AFTER NEARLY FAILING HIGHSCHOOL. As I said if he wanted to he would.

Now I'm going to go on a long rant about Bill and Ford so if you don't want that stop now

Ok for the record staring off bill and ford are both unreliable narrators.

Ford (my first victim)

We've seen him get rejected twice in the show when he trying to flirt with girls the more famous one being when he gets punch thrown on him. Ford is a very scentive guy he can't handle rejection obvouly he's gona wax poetic about how it's not that he can't get any he's just you know so very busy. Funny how he's not busy when Bill comes into his life or fiddleford for that matter it's almost like that's not the problem

Now I can see how you can read this qa acearo core but all I hear is the autism talking. There is something intently funny to me about the idea that he stright up was dating a male sided demon and is like but am I gay. It's very conservative up bring of him very relatable. But seriously if he was ace aro he'd just lean into being superior not what ever this is.

Bill ( he wouldn't escape me)

Same thing yeah he wax poetic about chemicals witch yeah is something ace aros do but also like incels.

He literally is just asking dear not to ask him out a real problem when every freak reading this book wants to make out with him sorry Bill your hot shit.

The book is shaking you by the shoulders begging you to tell that he's lieing for clout. Bill is also begging you to take him seriously and he can't be serious if he can't even get any becuse he's a unlikeable losser.

Like I'm sorry guys the text just dosnt suport these 2 being acearo this is not the show for ace aro rep I'm sorry. This show is actually really really really obsessed with romantic relationships it's a well Alex keeps going back to witch is why I'm so sure about stanly becuse he's like the one character who actively rejects dating instead of just saying he's into into it. ITS GRAVITY FALLS EVERYONES A FUCKING LIAR.

[meloarto-me]

Hii! Saw you're post about requests and thought I'd make my way over.

I was wondering if you could do a comfort scenario with the Straw hats? Individually or as a group doesn't matter! I've had a bad reoccurring thing happen and what better way to feel better than with fictional characters, right?

Ofc you don't have to accept this! Thank you for your time and have a good day ❤️(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Oh my god yes write that! With pleasure!❣️❣️❣️

(I hope you feel better and your mood improves. )

How Straw Hats would comfort you when you are sad.❣️

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

Luffy

❤️ It would take a while before Luffy realised you were sad.

❤️ But when he notices it he immediately comes over and sits down next to you.

❤️ He will try in her own way to find out the reason for your feeling worse.

❤️ He even promises to destroy/hit the person/thing that hurt you.

❤️ As an improvement in your mood, she will offer food and fun.

❤️ If she trusts you enough she will put her straw hat on your head.

❤️ He would definitely give you a hug. Lots of hugs!

❤️ He would really try to make you feel better but his busy self also wants to do a lot at one time. (There's a possibility that he'll take and significantly run with you. Literally.)

❤️ However, if that doesn't work then he'll try to be quiet and take you somewhere where the rest of the crew aren't and try to talk quietly to you, maybe even fall asleep.

❤️ But surely he will help as much as he can!

Zoro

💚 Well, between workouts, sleep and naps, he's bound to notice your worse mood.

💚 He will speed up his workout and approach you.

💚 He will look and wait a while for you to say what is bothering you.

💚 However, if you don't then I will try to start a conversation.

💚 Maybe with alcohol to lighten the situation, I think he's not that emotional.

💚 After some alcohol it will certainly be more emotional.

💚 He'll draw you to him and he'll talk and frown at fucking Cook (Sanji referring to you).

💚 He'll talk to you until you fall asleep and even then maybe when he's sure you're asleep he'll soothingly rub your shoulder.

💚 In the morning when you get up he will be kind to you until you finally feel better.

💚 He may even bring you a flower he finds. (If he gets lost and thinks it might help you.)

Sanji💛

💛 Sanji will notice right away that something is wrong.

💛 But he will start by making your favourite food for you.

💛 He will arrive and serve you a dish with a gentle smile, sit next to you and ask you what's bothering you.

💛 The conversation will be calm and pleasant.

💛 During it, Sanji will light a cigarette for himself.

💛 He will joke and comfort you.

💛 I think he would even take you into the kitchen and you would cook something together.

💛 Of course, there could be a small flour war (because the rest is not worth wasting).

💛 Together you would eat the dish, drink good wine. (Luffy in the background shouts that he wants meat and Sanji ignores him, his eyebrows twitching because the captain has ruined his romance with you).

💛 He would give you dessert, take you in his arms and go watch the stars. (He would take the guarding of the ship upon himself as if it were someone else's turn. I want to be alone with you.)

💛 Our dear chef would really make an effort.

Nami

🧡 Nami would have seen straight away that there was something wrong with you.

🧡 She would take you (drag you) to her room to talk to you calmly.

🧡 She will take your hands in hers and talk calmly.

🧡 If it helps you I will offer you oranges to eat. (Sad but I don't like oranges.)

🧡 She will take and start to paint more maps, and give you a sheet of paper so that you can draw/write anything.

🧡 She will bring you something good, Sanji will do anything for her, so don't worry, she will think of you then. (Sanji simp.)

🧡 She will show you his maps, tell you about his sister, his house and his mother. (Come on, not about the fact that she died and the Arlonga crew tries to ignore that part of her story.)

🧡 Finally, he'll do a ladies' night out taking care of his and your appearance.

Chopper

💗 Choper would be worried that you were sick or something.

💗 Our dear reindeer would be so smug, loving and wonderful.

💗 He would be your private cuddly friend.

💗 Lots of cuddles and love.

💗 He doesn't quite know how to help you but he would try!

💗 He would make you a cup of tea! He would bring you a blanket and cuddle you until you feel better.

Ussop🤎

🤎 Ussop our sniper is very perceptive.

🤎 Come on his fearful side is afraid to ask why you look sad.

🤎 Eventually he will force himself to ask what is wrong.

🤎 After listening to you. He will take you by the hand and drag you to his workshop.

🤎 He will sit down and considerably tell you his true (made up) story of how he is not brave.

🤎 He will even offer to create a new device together.

🤎 Or he will teach you how to shoot!

🤎 I will certainly try to help you in some way!

Robin🖤

🖤 Robin would be quiet.

🖤 But her presence is comforting.

🖤 She would give you tea, books and her presence.

🖤 If you don't feel like reading then she will read to you.

🖤 She will take you in a blanket (a blanket tortilla.).

🖤 Snuggled into her body and will read you whatever you want.

🖤 I think her way of comforting you is to be calm and quiet.

🖤 Something that is not violent and loud.

Franky

💙 This is where it gets complicated to leave the workshop.

💙 But if he does come out and sees that you are worse off he will pick you up and take you with him.

💙 It may be a bit strange but I want to help you.

💙 He'll sit you on the desk and talk to you while he makes a new device.

💙 He'll even make something for you!

💙 I will comfortingly show you my smaller hands. (Hihhihi)

💙 Maybe you'll create something together, some kind of shared device that she'll use later.

Brook

🤍 Brook He will come up to you and sing asking you what's wrong.

🤍 When he finds out his jaw will drop. (Literally.)

🤍 But he'll quickly pull himself together and start singing/playing you a comfortingly cheerful tune.

🤍 He'll even motivate you to sing with him.

🤍 Even if you falsify. He'd be really happy that you're a bit better already.

🤍 He might even joke (I think) that he wants to see your knickers.

🤍 He'll even hair in your body pillow to make you more comfortable cuddling with him.

🤍 He will even write a song for you which is very silly.

🤍 He'll definitely offer you tea, or piano lessons.

Jinbe

💙🐟 Jinbe is like an uncle.

💙🐟 He'll come over and sit down and talk.

💙🐟 Whatever you say he will support you and be kind.

💙🐟 As a consolation, he will offer to go swimming.

💙🐟 Maybe some deeper conversation with sake?

💙🐟 It's a bit difficult for him because he's older and it's a bit harder for him to open up.

💙🐟 And he is too shy to hug you but he will find something else, another way he could help you.

⋆༺𓆩☠︎︎𓆪༻⋆

English is not my mother tongue.❣️💗❣️

Some are shorter because I have no idea.

I still have a box open.📭📝

And I hope you are better sunshine.

[fandomnsfw]

The Perfect Man For Us - Derek Hale x Reader

Pairing: Derek Hale x singlemother!Reader

Prompt: The new one shot teen wolf series I’m working on.

Warnings: None really its just fluff and mentions of a rape that occurred but no details. I decided not to do smut for this one because I feel like I don’t do a lot of fluff and Derek deserve a nice fluffy love not just sex. 

ENJOY!!!

*******

You couldn’t breathe, your lungs felt like they were burning, but you couldn’t stop running. You heard them behind you shouting derogative names and loading their guns. You felt tears prick your eyes as you clung to your son, your arms never faltering. He was whimpering softly as he gripped your clothing for dear life.

“Mama.” He whispered shakily into your shoulder before he looked up at you his long tear covered lashes blinking heavily.

“I know my little love. Shhh.” You whisper as you kept running.

You paused your running to look down and check your son wasn’t injured. However, before you could feel relieved you felt a sharp pain in your side. Shit. The searing pain had you stumbling a little but you quickly regain your footing and began running again, knowing that your child was in danger gave you the boost of adrenaline you needed.

You’re unsure of how long it had been since you heard the hunters, or how long you’d been running while bleeding out but that was quickly the least of your worries when a big dark skinned man came into view his golden eyes glowing as you with a warning growl.

“P-Please…I-I don’t mean any harm. H-Hunters are coming.” You felt yourself getting drowsy but you tried to fight it.

“My baby.” You whimpered as you fell to your knees begin to buckle as you clutched your son tightly.

“Oh my god! Boyd stop growling at her she’s a fucking injured mother with a baby! We need to get her to Derek now!” A female said as she came out from the trees her blonde hair swaying softly as she ran towards us.

You didn’t have time to feel relieved or even scared because you didn’t know them because you fell into a foetal position clutching your son as everything went black.

*******

“This is going to take a couple of days to heal, even as a werewolf. She’s seriously malnourished and dehydrated her son is perfect though my guess is whatever food and drink she either found or got given she gave to this little boy.” A man’s voice stated your eyes refused to open but you could hear at least six heartbeats.

“Well obviously shed do that. She’s his mother.” A female voice responded sassily making you wish you could nod in agreement.

“How do you know it could be her brother?” A younger male voice stated with just as much sass.

“She said my baby as she passed out Isaac.” She huffed as she began moving around the room.

“Wh-Wheres my baby?” You spoke as you finally managed to open your eyes.

“He’s here. Don’t worry we gave him some milk and a snack then Boyd here put him down for a nap.” She young woman stated softly as she approached your bed.

“T-Thank you so much.” You whispered tearfully as you tried sitting up but the pain in your side stopped you immediately.

“No you need to rest we have him. What’s his name?” She asked softly as a slightly older man whose face was cuddled in stubble approached.  

“I’m Y/N and that is my son, Samuel.” You muttered between catching your breath from the pain.

“I’m Erica and this is Boyd, Isaac and this is our Alpha, Derek. Oh and that is our local vet Deaton.” She chuckled as she pointed to everyone.

“A vet? Is that a dog joke?” You snorted making the younger one’s chuckle.

“No he’s actually a vet but he used to be Derek’s mom’s emissary.” She laughed humorously making you nod with a smile.

“I see.” You glanced at the Alpha who had yet to speak as he stared down at you with a poker face.

“Well we have school but Derek here can get you anything you or Samuel need. Right Derek?” Erica said softly her eyes meeting her Alphas who just nodded gruffly.

He didn’t exactly seem thrilled to have you here but you took her word for it and squeezed her hand gratefully as she pointed to where Sam was laid down on a single mattress covered in blankets. You watched as the vet and the three young betas left, what looked like an old train depot.

Once they’d gone you glanced at the alpha who was making himself busy cleaning up take away boxes and other bits and bobs. You watched the way his muscles clenched around the henley that was rolled up his arms. He was handsome but that was the last thing on your mind as you stared at your baby.

“How come hunters were after you?” Derek spoke suddenly making you jump a little.

“T-There not normal hunters. They had me captive for a few years. Beating me, torturing me…r-raping me. I-I…” You paused staring at your hands as they began shaking, your tears threatening to spill over.

“W-When I was fifteen I had a girlfriend…she was older than me in her twenties. Turned out she was a hunter using me to find out when all my family would be in one house…She burnt my entire house to the ground. I was out and so was my oldest sister Laura but everyone else…they burnt.” He stated awkwardly like it wasn’t something he ever really spoke about but you nodded in understanding when the story rung a bell in your head.

“Are you talking about the Hale fire?” You suddenly asked making the alphas head spin towards you so fast your surprised it didn’t hurt.

“H-How?” He asked fearfully making you shake your head.

“There was a little girl…she was taken in by my pack just before I was taken…What was her name? Erm, it sounded a lot like Laura…oh yeah Cora.” You stated easily as the Alpha suddenly had tears in his eyes.

“C-Cora’s alive?” He whispered and then you realied she mustve been his younger sister.  

“She should still be with my old pack. The alpha is called Demetri.” You replied with a sad smile.

“T-Thank you. I will reach out soon.” He whispered with a small smile that had your heart clenching painfully.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I don’t have a big pack but you’re welcome to join it and Samuel obviously.” His offer melted your heart which is why you grabbed his hand and looked him in the eye.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a big pack. It matters that you care. I would be honoured to join the newest Hale alpha.” You chuckled with a gentle smile that Derek returned as a little grunt came from across the room.

“M-Mama!” Sam cried as he shakily sat up looking around the room.

“I’m here baby.” You called over to him making his eyes meet yours but before he could take a step Derek was over there picking him up.

“He’s got no shoes on. He may be a wolf but he hasn’t shifted and I don’t want him to stand on anything dangerous.” Derek muttered as he placed your son on your lap as Sam stared at Derek with wide eyes.

“Hi my little love.” You whispered into his hair as he clung to you tightly.

“This is Derek.” You said as you pointed to the dark haired man.

“D-De…Dada?” He pouted in confusion making your eyes widen.

“N-No…De-Rik.” You said sounding out the word.

“Der.” He settled on making Derek laugh softly.

“That’s close enough.” He chuckled making you flush as you chose to ignore the fact that your son had called him dada.

“Bot bot.” He demanded with a cheeky smile.

“Does he want a bottle?” Derek asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah. S-Sorry I feel useless right now.” You whispered sadly making Derek shoot you a sympathetic smile.

“It’s fine I had Cora and another younger sibling called Sophie so I don’t mind. Does he need diapers or anything else?” Derek asked gently making sure you knew not to feel bad.

“Well…I used to use whatever they brought me so honestly I have no idea. I managed to escape when they started threatening to take him it’s amazing how much strength you can have when it comes to your pup.” You chuckled darkly making Derek nod.

“Okay well if you don’t mind I know a few people who might be able to help. Good people.” Derek stated softly as he took out his phone but waited for you to give the okay first. You gave him a nod which he returned before pressing the call button on his phone.

“What do you want Derek? I’m about to walk into school.” A young man’s voice said through the phone making you chuckle.

“I have a situation and I need your moms number.” Derek stated coolly his stoic attitude back.

“Why?” He huffed sassily.

“Because I need help buying baby stuff.” Suddenly you heard another voice join the call.

“Oh my god. Did you knock someone up!?”

“No Stiles. Jesus Christ just give me you moms number Scott!” Derek growled down the phone as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Fine. I’ve text it to you. So who’s bab-”

Derek hung up and you started laughing at the whole situation which made him crack a smile before he made another call to Scott’s mother. Who stated she would be there soon without much information. Derek seemed shocked by how quickly she agreed but gave a shrug and sat down next to you and Sam.

It wasn’t long before a pretty older woman with curly hair peeked into the depot before finally spotting Derek. She seemed slightly nervous but Derek gave her an awkward smile which she returned as she moved down the stairs towards you, Sam and Derek.

“Hi, I’m Melissa, Scotts mom. I’m also a nurse.” She introduced herself with a motherly mile that made you trust her instantly.

“I’m Y/N this is my son Samuel.” You replied.

“She had Samuel in the captivity of hunters so he’s not really had the normal stuff that baby’s get and stuff. I-I need help doing some shopping for him.” Derek said calmly as he flushed a little.

“Do you know around how old he is?” Melissa asked softly her face full of sympathy.

“He’s 692 days old. I tallied them on the wall of my cell and plus they 2 days I was running so 694.” You responded easily as Sam looked at Melissa curiously.

“Okay so about 22 months. So you’re almost two! How’s his development?” Melissa asked softly as she smiled down at your son.

“He walks good, he can talk a little, only small stuff not full sentences but he likes to copy words. He eats really well and he has most of his teeth except the last 4.” You stated as you looked down at him.

“That’s pretty much on point with most babies his age. I would like to have him weighed and get him registered at the hospital I work at so he’ll get the check-ups he needs. I’d buy him a few 24-month stuff but most stuff we should get in 2T cos he’ll always grow but he won’t shrink.” She chuckled at her own comment which also had you laughing.

“I-I don’t have any money though…” You whispered with a flushed face.

“Don’t worry about that. I have money.” Derek stated simply as he began putting on his leather jacket.

“Maybe you should think about getting a house with said money.” Melissa snorted making Derek roll his eyes as he tried to hide his smirk.

“Offering to help with that too Melissa?” He joked making her eyes widen before she started laughing.

“Yeah why not. We’ll pop down to the real estate office and have a look at what there is. Then we’ll go shopping for this little cutie.” She said as she bopped your sons nose making him giggle.

*******

“Y/N? Where’s Derek and Sam?” Isaac’s voice rang out dragging you attention from the book Derek had given you.

“They went shopping with Melissa.” You said with a small smile as Erica ran downstairs to give you a hug.

"How long have they been gone?” Erica asked with a frown.

“Since about 11am. So 4 hours.” You pondered as you realised they’d been gone a while.

“What’s he buying a fucking store?” Erica snorted as she picked up the book you’d put down.

“They said something about real estate too.” You added with a small smile.

“Hmm interesting.” Boyd muttered as he flopped down onto a worn out broken couch.

It wasn’t long before you were chatting away happily with the beta’s and lost track of time completely until finally Derek and Melissa came through the entry and down the stairs two boys following her carrying so man bags your eyes almost popped out your skull.

Derek was carrying Sam as Melissa instructed the boys the put the bags in the corner. Derek put him down on the ground and Sam ran up to you. He was in a pair of acid wash jeans, a white t-shirt, doc martens and a little leather jacket. Your eyes widened as Derek seemed to flush from all they looks he was getting.

“Like Der mama.” He giggled as he pointed to his jacket and boots.

“Yes you have clothes like Derek! You look so cute!” You giggled as he snuggled up to you with a grin.

“I bought furniture but I had it delivered to the property I bought. It’ll be delivered tomorrow after I collect the keys.” Derek muttered shyly as he scratched the back of his head.

“You bought a house!?” Everyone shouted at the same time.

“Well w-we couldn’t have the pack living here all the time. We have a baby in the pack now.” He responded with a small warning growl daring them to say anything.

“Sourwolf’s gone soft.” A young man whispered making Derek rolls his eyes.

“Shut up Stiles.” Derek growled flashing his eyes at the young man who was wearing a red plaid shirt with a black t-shirt underneath and a pair of jeans and sneakers.

“So this is the whole pack? You’re Stiles and Scott?” You asked trying to ease the teasing Derek was clearly going to get.

“Yeah I was turned by Derek’s uncle when he went feral after the fire. This is Stiles he’s human but my best friend so honorary pack member by default.” Scott stated making Stiles glare at his friends.

“Stiles is the pack researcher. Not just Scott best buddie.” Derek huffed with an eye roll.

“I see. So he’s basically like an emissary just not learnt about the magic stuff yet?” You chuckled as Stiles seemed shocked by Derek’s words.

“Am I?” Stiles seemed wide eyed and confused which you thought was adorable.

“Yeah sort of. Emissary’s jobs are to help advise the pack and give them information they need the make the decisions.” Derek informed the teen gruffly.

“Oh. Well thanks sourwolf! Didn’t know you even liked me.” He snorted as he wiped a fake tear from his eye dramatically.

“Der!” Sam shouted making everyone look at the little boy in your arms.

“What?” Derek asked softly with a small smile.

“Mama stuff!” He shouted making you frown as Derek seemed to understand what he meant and grabbed two bags.

“Melissa bought you some clothes.” He mumbled with a small flush on his stoic face as he passed you the two bags.

“No Derek bought them I just picked them.” She chuckled with an affectionate eye roll.

“O-Oh thank you so much. Wow these are so pretty.” You said softly as you looked through them.

“I always wanted a daughter.” Melissa whispered playfully making her son shout in protest.

“You guys have been generous…I don’t know how to thank you.” You whispered with a sad smile making them smile back towards you.

“You’re pack now. We look out for each other.” Erica stated as she pulled you into a hug.

This is yours and Sam’s pack now and you couldn’t be happier.

******

“Sammie don’t bother Derek he’s sleeping!” You shouted as he ran away from you down the hall towards the Alpha’s room. Jeez when did he get so fast.

He barged into Derek’s room with grin on his face as he ran and dived onto the mans bed. Derek opened his eyes, giving your son a smile as he hugged him close. The whole scene melted your heart, your new feelings for Derek getting harder to ignore the more time you spend with the man.

His dark stubble was as perfect as ever as your son kissed his cheek making you wish you could do the same. He was shirtless so you tried not to focus on his abs that had dark hair littered around his pecks and the line of it leading to his…no bad Y/n stop staring, you thought with a flush.

Derek finally looked towards you and took in your outfit his eyes seemed to soften even more as he patted the bed urging you to sit. You did so carefully as not to get too close but when he touched your arm you leaned into it subconsciously.

“You look pretty today. What’s the occasion?” He asked as he stared down at your fluttery summer dress.

The dress was black with peachy pink flowers on it. It was a layered hem that reminded you of fairy dresses with small thin spaghetti straps and ‘v’ shaped neck line. You had on a pair of flat black sandals that wrapped around your ankle, a cute pair of sunglasses Erica bought you and your makeup consisted of peachy pink smoky eye and nude pink lipstick. Your hair was curled and half pined back into a bow made with your own hair which you thought looked cute.

“The girls are getting their nails done today for the dance tomorrow so I thought I’d tag along. The sheriff offered to watch Sam so I thought why not.” You chuckled softly making him frown a little which confused you.

“You should get yours done too.” Derek muttered with the small frown still on his face.

“I don’t have money Derek we’ve been over this. Once Sammy’s in kindergarten I will be getting a job then I can have luxuries. It bad enough you feed us, give us clothes and a house to live in that’s more than enough.” You stated awkwardly making his frown deepen.

“You understand I own 2 hotels, have over 13 million in the bank and a job in construction.” He stated with a raised brow which honestly shocked you. You knew he didn’t seem to struggle even feeding the whole pack but you didn’t know he was that loaded.

“You offering to be my sugar daddy Derek?” You joked making him flush as he avoided all eye contact.

“Dada Der!” Sam shouted and you suddenly realised your son was still sat in the room.

“Crap.” You snorted as Derek started laughing whole heartedly.

“No honey mama was joking.” You tried but Sam just frowned at you and clung to Derek sending oyu a glare.

“Dada.” He whispered in a sad tone that made your heart clench painfully.

“Honey you can’t ca-”

“I don’t mind. I don’t want him to feel like he did something wrong.” Derek interrupted you making your eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” You asked with a small frown on your face.

“Yeah he’ll probably forget about it later anyway.” He stated softly as he leaned over to grab his wallet. He pulled out a card and passed it to you with a small smile.

“This is for you. Use it whenever you want. If you or Sam need or want anything don’t hesitate okay? You’re basically pack mom at this point so that’s more than enough of a job. In fact, I think pack moms have the hardest job especially with as many teens there is.” He chuckled his words made you flush slightly but you nodded in acceptance.

“T-Thank you.” You whispered shyly as you took the card, your hand brushing against his causing a shiver to pass through you.

“I can hear the girls are here. You go I’ll watch Sam until Noah gets here.” He chucked as his hand came down to stroke the back of your hair affectionately.

By the time you go downstairs you blush was still full force as you thought about how Derek’s hands felt on the back of your hair and when he touched your hand. You were so focused on that, you didn’t see the girls staring at you with a smirk.

“Did Derek finally make a move?” Erica chuckled making you flush even more.

“N-No he doesn’t like me like that…” You whispered your tone turning a little sad.

“You’re just as blind as he is.” Lydia huffed as she rolled her eyes making Allison laugh.

“I-I am not!” You huffed rather childishly for the mother of a two year old.

“Whatever let’s go. I need to grab some new lingerie too.” Erica chuckled as Lydia took out her car keys with a smirk.

*****

You glared at the girls with a warning to not start once you were inside the house which they listened even if they did give you attitude. You took the small bag out the car only to turn around and see Derek stood at the door, leaning against the frame. His arms bugling as they crossed over his chest. God that shouldn’t be legal.

“Yet it is.” Allison whispered playfully making you realised you said that out loud.

As you approached the door Noah was also pulling up with Stiles and Sam getting out the back of the car. Stiles put him down and you bent down to give him a hug but he ran straight past you and straight towards to open front door.

“DADA!” He shouted as he launched at Derek causing his eyes to widen as he looked at the reaction of the pack and you.

“Well that’s just rude. You know I’m the one that carried you for 9 months and pushed you out right?” You huffed childishly as you tried to act like what had just happened was normal.

“Oh that makes sense! He’s been chatting my ear off about how dada is this and dada does that and I had no idea what he was talking about.” Stiles snorted as he scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah nice plan Der. What was it you said? He’ll probably forget about it later.” You mocked playfully making him roll his eyes with a smirk.

“You’re just salty cos he came to his daddy first.” Derek mocked his smirk still firmly in place.

His words shocked you enough to have your eyes widen as everyone seemed to realise there was a conversation that was due and everyone took there leave. You walked into the house past Derek as you placed your bag on the table in the entry way before turning to Derek as Sam ran off to play with his many toys from the pack he got for his birthday last week.

“I-I…Would you like to go on a date tomorrow maybe?” Derek stuttered awkwardly making you smile gently at him.

“I-I would really like that.” You responded shyly, looking up at him through your lashes.

“Great.” Derek responded with a full smile that showed off his cute bunny like teeth.

******

You stood in front of the mirror staring at the outfit you’d picked out with Melissa’s help, she was currently moving around you fixing up your hair, straightening sections as she went. Your knee started bouncing anxiously as you started over thinking everything. What if Derek only asked you out because her son was calling him ‘dada’? What if he realised later on he didn’t like you then you’d be stuck living with an ex? God what were you doing?

“Stop it. You guys are perfect for each other. You know when I was on my way to your room I went past Derek’s room and he was throwing his clothes everywhere huffing about how he had nothing to wear.” She laughed softly her words making you smile softly with a light flush settling on your cheeks.

“Thank you Melissa.” You whispered gratefully making you smile her usual motherly smile.

“I know it’s all a little backwards for you guys seeing as how Sammy is calling him Daddy but not everything has to fit society’s standards. As a mother you chose to put your son first and that’s amazing but us mothers deserve some fun time too.” She whispered playfully her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

“Maybe you should consider the handsome sheriff for your fun time unless you already enjoy fun time with our dear sheriff?” You suggested with a smirk on your face making her roll her eyes.

“Do not say anything to those two. You know what there like. They already see each other as brothers I don’t need their input on our ‘fun time’.” She snorted softly making you grin up at her.

You finally finished getting ready and made your way down the stairs where Derek was already waiting, with a crisp white shirt, a fitted suit jacket and slim fit slacks with matching black shiny shoes. His first few buttons were undone leaving you flushing at how sexy he looked however he seemed to return the sentiment as he took in your outfit.

You had on a black long sleeved sleek dress that almost touched the floor, a slit in the side that reached just reach mid-thigh, a pair of nude heels and a black clutch to go with it. Your makeup was flawless thanks to Lydia earlier in the evening a nude like a nude smoky eye.

“Wow.” He said with wide eyes as you came to the bottom of the curved staircase.

“D-Do you mind if we take a picture? I have started making a s-scrap book and I wanted to put a picture of our f-first date in it.” You asked shyly as you held up your phone.

“Yeah I mean I haven’t taken a picture since before the fire so I’m not sure if I’m very photogenic.” He chuckled softly.

“You own a mirror right?” You snorted playfully as you stood close to him, dragging him towards the full length mirror in the entry way.

“How do you…” He paused and looked down at you awkwardly.

You knew he was feeling awkward so you decided to take the initiative and pull him toward you by his belt loops. You moved his right arm around your waist as you pushed yourself as close as possible. You stared into his eyes before turning to the mirror and taking the picture, you placed a soft kiss on his cheek before pulling away.

You held up the phone to show him the picture which made his eyes widen as he stared at it for a minute before speaking up.

“C-Can I have a copy of this?” He asked shyly making you smile happily.

“Of course. I’ll send it to you when we get home.” You replied softly.

******

“But did she even know the guy?” Derek asked with a carefree laugh.

“No but he played along and last I heard they were still together!” You laughed behind your glass of red wine.

“Wow. That’s hilarious.” Derek snorted as he set down his glass of water.

“I’m sorry Mr Hale we’re about to close.” The restaurant manager stated gently his smile polite.

“Oh I had no idea it was that late sorry. Thank you Gregory.” Derek chuckled softly as he stood up and held his hand out for you.

“It’s no problem Mr Hale. I had Jeff pack some more of that chocolate tart for you and your date.” He whispered playfully making Derek laugh as he patted the older man’s back affectionately.

Once you collected your desert, you both began making your way outside, your arm in Derek’s as he escorted you to the passenger side of the Camaro. He held open the door like the gentlemen he was as offered you his hand to help you into your seat. You slid into it gracefully before he closed the door and made his way round to the drivers side.

“This didn’t feel like a first date.” You suddenly blurted out making him frown like he’d done something wrong and was trying to figure out what.

“N-No I don’t mean that in a bad way…I mean its feels more like a married couple having their weekly date night…it was comfortable and it felt natural like we’d doing it our whole lives.” You rambled making him smile so wide your surprised it didn’t hurt.

“I know what you mean. It just felt right.” He chuckled as he took your hand in his.

“Well then you don’t mind if I kiss you right now then?” Derek added making you giggle softly as you leaned in.

“I thought you’d never offer Mr Hale.” You sassed back playfully making him shoot you another grin before he leaned in.

His lips were soft against yours as he kissed you like he meant it. You could feel all his emotions pouring into that one moment making your heart clench with utter happiness. His hand came up to cup your cheek as he dragged you into his lap sideways, your legs still draped of the console. You clutched to the open collar of his shirt clinging for dear life as his tongue brush against yours.

You’d never felt like this before with anyone but that’s what made it so perfect because no one could compare to this man.

“I need you to take me home Der.” You whispered against his lips seductively, your thighs clenching as he pulled away, his eyes half lid and filled with lust.

He didn’t say anything just gave you a no and helped your back over to your seat waiting for you to clip in before her set of silently his free hand resting on your upper thigh. You didn’t care about how sleeping with a man on the first date was bad taste because this man was already a father to your son so why should you care about what was ‘normal’.

Once you got home you barely managed to get out the car as Derek threw you over his shoulder like the caveman he was but you just giggled at his antics.

“This does not feel very gentlemanly Mr Hale.” You teased as you clung to the material of his suit.

“Well what we’re about to do doesn’t require a gentleman does it my love?” He chuckled darkly his hand coming down to playfully smack your ass.

You knew at that moment this man couldn’t be more perfect for you.

He was even the perfect father for your son and you both knew it.

[thecoolerliauditore]

I really liked your analysis on the discourse around flower husbands and I would like to give my personal perspective from someone who’s been here since the end of third life.

The fandom was 100% still reeling over from negative effects of no shipping in the hermitcraft fandom. The majority of life series fans came from hermitcraft as well, after all nearly all of the players in third life were hermits. You could joke about treebark and maybe scarian being gay but I remember seeing a lot of homoerotic art being tagged “THIS IS NOT SHIP ART ITS PLATONIC” and later on a few of those artists would post shipping art without fear. If you had a romantic interpretation of a relationship in third life, you would quickly chalk it up to being friends. Shipping was still uncomfortable territory for many. Maybe because they didn’t like shipping themselves and weren’t expose to it or maybe they did but was still feeling the effects from others in 2019/2020.

Flower husbands you couldn’t chalk it up to just being friends. If you didn’t like shipping you can make everything platonic but you would look like an idiot trying to say that they were “good friends” or “roommates” in third life. No, Scott and Jimmy were known as husbands, they did it themselves. Not the fans, the creators themselves. Yes there will be dramatic and angsty ship art of the two. For everyone else? Not really. Like I said, people would have to explicitly say it wasn’t ship art between Ren and Martyn or Scar and Grian. If you didn’t want that type of art you just wouldn’t look at Scott or jimmy’s tags. Simple as that.

As time went on I would say around double life shipping had coursed its way back into the fandom. Having a romantic interpretation of Treebark was fine, just properly tag it and everyone was chill. Same with Scarian, hell, I would say the shipping lens started taking over more than the platonic one lol. And with double life having soulmates, that gave the shipping culture a big boost. You don’t like it? Well it’s gonna be hard to avoid Bdubs or Impulses tags when they’re making “honey imm home!” jokes or BigB and Grian literally in their own words “cheating on their soulmate for their secret soulmate” Grian saying “I’m gonna take your man” is just fuel to the ever growing fire. If you didn’t like shipping then buckle up because double life was fruity as hell with nearly all of the creators. Mother fucking Joel Smallishbeans made a ship called “The Relations” and put Etho’s face on his skin’s shirt. You couldn’t avoid shipping at all when the creators are also the ones doing it.

So shipping is wild spread now and more accepted. As for flower husbands well you couldn’t really make the ship more than “tragic gays with fluff and angst”

Scarian you could make it toxic, you could make it healthy, you could make it whatever you want because it was never “canon”. Flower husbands was built in a time where shipping was uncertain and a lot of their early day works was either them being fluffy husbands together or tragic yaoi. To make one of them toxic it was out of the question.

I however could not tell you why it’s only Scott being the “toxic” perpetrator in flower husbands. Could be an individual’s bias and own experiences, could be how they view the creators, maybe a bit of projection or maybe they have only been exposed to toxic!scott that branching out to toxic!jimmy, something that’s extremely rare, might be hard and they don’t want to put the work in to make it themselves.

In conclusion, flower husbands was the only way you could ship in early days of the life series because you couldn’t ignore the romantic relationship Scott and Jimmy portrayed. If you did with other relationships it could easily be chalked up to being friends and if something could be seen as shipping you HAD to disclose that it wasn’t. Flower husbands was allowed but dear god if you said a king and his hand was tragic yaoi you would have been sniped.

People are attached to a ship that was the “acceptable” ship so having a negative interpretation can be viewed as bashing the ship or worse one of the creators (most often Scott) but now that it’s more open to other interpretations people are rightfully be a bit protective.

Also also if you have found any posts interpretation Jimmy being the toxic person with his relationship with Scott please do share. I haven’t seen any posts like that and I’m quite bored of toxic!scott within flower husbands shipping. I need a little bit of spice in my life you know? Anyway, have a good day.

Yeah this is pretty much what I assumed, ty for the peer review 💪

I think I didn't make my point about Jimmy clear, my bad -- my point was that making FH toxic was always discourse that reflected back onto Scott, instead of Jimmy. I don't think it's the Jimmy fans up in arms was what I was trying to convey.

I personally see Scott as abusive towards Jimmy and have held this view since my first watch of Scott's 3L POV. I feel like it's almost hard not to arrive at this conclusion if you approach it in the same way you approach other ships. i.e. I've never seen someone storyboard the "go back and get the sugar cane!" sequence from episode 1 and have it not read as anything other than that (btw if anyone knows any way of making this scene not horrifying I'd be genuinely curious)

As for toxic jimmy posting, I'm not the biggest fan of these interpretations because I operate by a different school of thought when it comes to this series and I've found some arguments for Jimmy being toxic in the past a little uncomfortably reminiscent of irl victim-blaming but that being said who am I to get in the way of people making stuff they enjoy. I'm not the FH/Scott maintag 🤷‍♂️

There's this guy who's posted a few things in the FH tag that I find fun.

Their posts range from the usual FH fluff to Jimmy cheating on Scott and Scott leaving Jimmy for someone else.

This one's a personal favourite.

I would also love it if I could summon this anon for you I think you guys could workshop smth together

But other than those specific examples I have definitely seen more vague posts that imply Jimmy mistreats Scott, you might wanna hit up the Scott/Tango shippers? Snowbugs, I think their name is? Lots of memes in there about just ditching Jimmy lol

[yallemagne]

This episode. Hoooooooeeeeeeeeeey.

The service was very simple and very solemn. There were only ourselves and the servants there, one or two old friends of his from Exeter, his London agent, and a gentleman representing Sir John Paxton, the President of the Incorporated Law Society. 

Much like Lucy's funeral in a way, but not sparse for lack of inviting but a lack of people to invite. After all, Hawkins had no family left to him to leave anything to.

Jonathan was holding me by the arm, the way he used to in old days before I went to school. I felt it very improper, for you can't go on for some years teaching etiquette and decorum to other girls without the pedantry of it biting into yourself a bit; but it was Jonathan, and he was my husband, and we didn't know anybody who saw us—and we didn't care if they did—so on we walked.

Mina sounds a bit flustered at the faux pas they're engaging in but still overjoyed at the knowledge that Jonathan is her husband! However, she still needs to justify it: "well, no one will gossip because no one here knows us, so it is fine". Come now, dear, it's fine because it doesn't matter. But oh well, she's getting used to it.

Mina: *detailing Dracula's appearance* "You see, he did not pass the vibe check. His vibes were absolutely rancid."

She really describes Dracula as though she were describing an animal. It's kind of unsettling.

"I believe it is the Count, but he has grown young. My God, if this be so! Oh, my God! my God! If I only knew! if I only knew!"

Youuuu bastards, having Jonathan repeat the lines as Mina continues narrating aghgh.

"Why, Mina, have I been asleep! Oh, do forgive me for being so rude. Come, and we'll have a cup of tea somewhere." 

He's so cute!!! AAAA he is SO CUTE!!! My precious baby, I just want to hold him in my hands. He's so soft and cute and sounds so sweet and unsure, so bashful.

And then Mina begins the next section sounding like she has been crying. She mentions Arthur immediately, which is worth noting because she parallels him. She's lost a father figure and though she hasn't lost a lover, her lover is struggling to keep himself together while Arthur's lost the fight for her life already.

and then Jack comes in egregiously horny, and I just. What do you even have to say for yourself, sir? I think perhaps the way that he describes Quincey hints that he may not know Quincey as intimately as he knows Arthur? Nor as intimately as Arthur knows Quincey. Of course, part of this is just Bram fawning over American men because of his giant man crush on Walt Whitman. Jack's hero worship gives the impression that he's not close enough with Quincey to know his human flaws, at least. He sees him as a moral viking!!

Arthur was saying that he felt since then as if they two had been really married and that she was his wife in the sight of God. None of us said a word of the other operations, and none of us ever shall. 

Jack, are you really so stupid as to think that he doesn't know? Skipping ahead--

"Just so. Said he not that the transfusion of his blood to her veins had made her truly his bride?" "Yes, and it was a sweet and comforting idea for him." "Quite so. But there was a difficulty, friend John. If so that, then what about the others? Ho, ho! Then this so sweet maid is a polyandrist, and me, with my poor wife dead to me, but alive by Church's law, though no wits, all gone—even I, who am faithful husband to this now-no-wife, am bigamist." "I don't see where the joke comes in there either!" I said; and I did not feel particularly pleased with him for saying such things. 

Everyone raved over these lines before ("he confirmed the polycule!! they're all fucking!!"), and they probably still are raving tbh, so I appreciate Re: Dracula properly communicating VH's disdain for the idea and Jack's disdain for VH's disdain. It's more than an offensive joke, VH is bitter at Arthur's words because it would ironically make them all husbands of Lucy, and he morally objects to the idea of polyandry and betraying his wife though he considers her dead to him (comatose? out of her mind? either way, he can't/won't divorce her but still values the virtue of his faithfulness). Likewise, Jack doesn't appreciate VH's apparent derision towards Arthur and the insulting way he refers to Lucy as a polyandrist. But VH assures Jack that he's simply venting to Jack because Jack is his friend, and he dares not to express these harsh feelings to Arthur, who reminds him of his son.

"Friend John, forgive me if I pain. I showed not my feeling to others when it would wound, but only to you, my old friend, whom I can trust. If you could have looked into my very heart then when I want to laugh; if you could have done so when the laugh arrived; if you could do so now, when King Laugh have pack up his crown, and all that is to him—for he go far, far away from me, and for a long, long time—maybe you would perhaps pity me the most of all." I was touched by the tenderness of his tone, and asked why. "Because I know!"

See, this is why he will not tell Jack. Not because he's scared of him. Because he knows that to know is to suffer. He does not wish any suffering upon Jack, though he should realize that keeping secrets has been the cause of much suffering already.

[banannabethchase]

SARAHCAKES BIRTHDAY RUBYWILLOWEDDIE PROMPTS TO CHOOSE FROM or take pieces from each and stitch together a frankenfic, whatever works.

1. Established Willow/Ruby. They're baristas and Eddie is a regular at the shop who flirts with them both, so they decide to woo him with pastries and coffee. Bonus for including some kind of "it'd be good to have a tall man around, I hate getting up on the ladder everytime the hall light burns out" joke.

2. Established EddieRuby. Ruby is riding Eddie and decides that's the perfect moment to tell him about how hot she thinks Willow is and how she fantasises about Willow joining them in bed. Eddie comes almost immediately and Ruby is like "well, I guess you're into that idea then!" And then they seduce her backstage.

3. Eddie and (one of the women) are backstage watching on the monitor as (other woman) gives an in-ring promo or wrestles and they're both like *swoon* and then they're both like *cowboy guns* and decide to have a friendly competition to see who can woo her. The one being chased is like por que no los dos?

Like Living in a Wet Dream - also on AO3

~

After the street fight with Willow, Ruby starts having dreams about what else they could do. Fortunately, Eddie is right on board. The only obstacle is asking.

~

Happy extremely late birthday, Sarah! This was written for their prompt, however there were technically three prompts and I both Frankensteined and Schrodingered to create this monstrosity. I hope you enjoy, my dear, and happy birthday! Title from Wet Dream by SNOW WIFE.

~

Eddie wakes up to feel something pressed against him, a hot mouth on his neck. He fights a laugh. Not the first time this has happened.

“Roo,” he says gently, trailing his fingers along her back. “Roo, wake up. You don’t have to have the dream when I’m right here.”

Ruby rolls her hips again, grinding herself against his thigh.

Eddie slides his hand around her back to haul her on top of him. “Baby,” he says, because it doesn’t take him much effort to get into this. “Babygirl, wake up.”

Ruby’s eyes fly open. “What – oh, sorry.” Her smile says she feels otherwise.

“Never apologize for this, Ruby,” Eddie says. He lays back all the way, letting her feel his hard dick press between her thighs. “Tell me a story about what got you so hot and bothered.”

Ruby grins and kicks off her pajama pants. She helps Eddie shove down his sweatpants and sinks down onto him, white hot bliss.

“Fuck, baby, you’re soaked already.” Eddie tilts his hips. “Talk to me.”

“Dream,” Ruby says, palms flat on Eddie’s chest.

“Yeah?” he says. “Figured that. Tell me who was there. Who made you get this wet for me, huh? Who got you all ready so I could slide right into you?”

Ruby whimpers, and Eddie can already tell she’s close. He slides a hand between them, a thumb playing with her clit. “Willow,” she breathes.

Eddie can’t help his surprise. “Willow,” he says. “Really.”

Ruby nods, hips pressing forward so she’s using Eddie’s dick like a toy. Eddie can’t focus on how good it is, though. He needs her to tell him more. “She – in the dream – god, that mouth.” Ruby whimpers again. “She – her hair, against my legs. Soft.” She gasps, circling, writhing. “And – smiling. With her eyes.”

“Between your legs, yeah?” Eddie says. He grabs Ruby’s thigh and adjusts her, sinking further into her. Her eyes roll back. “Grinning up at you, with you all over her face?”

Ruby moans again, bucking against his thumb. “Eddie, please?”

“I never say no to my girl, do I,” he chuckles. He plants his feet and tilts his hips at the pace he knows she likes, thumb circling. She’s barely holding on, little focused whimpers coming from her lips. “Yeah? You gonna come for me?”

“Close,” she gasps. Eddie wishes he could get the sounds she makes when she’s about to come tattooed on his arms, and he doesn’t even do tattoos.

“Come on, baby,” he whispers, “all over me.”

She moans, tightening around his dick, nails gripped into his chest, thighs tensing. He loves this, loves her, and couldn’t have asked for a better way to wake up.

“Wanna come again?” he asks, starting to move his thumb.

She nods, eyes a little unsteady and begins bouncing. “Want you to,” she mumbles.

“I will, baby, but this is about you.” Eddie focuses, holding off his own release. “Willow get you a couple times? Make sure you were shaking until she was done?”

Ruby’s sound is staccato and whimpering as she chases her second orgasm.

Eddie grins at her. “Ride me, baby. Keep going.”

He doesn’t let up until Ruby’s head drops and she clenches around him again.

He chuckles, flipping them so he can drive into her. She grins up at him, a leg around his hip.

“Willow do this in your dream?” he asks, smiling.

Ruby throws her head back and laughs, and Eddie comes so hard he sees stars.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie mumbles. He kisses the side of Ruby’s head and rolls over, stretching out some stiffness in his shoulders. “Should give you that dark chocolate ice cream before bed more often.”

Ruby laughs again, rolling in to press her face against his chest. “I can’t believe I woke you up by humping your leg.”

“You see me complaining?” Eddie kisses the top of her forehead. “So you have that whole thing for Willow, huh?” He strokes her arm. “That street fight really did it for you.”

Ruby moans and shoves her head into Eddie’s chest. “Shut up,” she groans. “I can’t help it that sexy women covered in blood get me going.”

Eddie licks his thumb, tasting Ruby. “Not the only thing, I hope.”

Ruby grins at him. “Well, clearly not the only thing.”

~

The next day at work is a little flat – Eddie’s bitching at some random newbie trying to tell him what to do, as usual, and Ruby is hanging out with Willow before her match. Eddie watches them talk. Ruby’s got a tendency to assume she’s the only one who notices other people, especially when it comes to her. Willow’s got a hand on Ruby’s thigh and is leaning in much more closely than what Eddie would call your day to day platonic. But he’s hung out with Ruby enough to know that some people just touch like that, without anything else. So he continues to watch. If he waits, he’ll see it.

It happens when they hear the cue for Willow’s music.

“Alright!” Willow says, beaming. She hops up, and Eddie snaps his gaze away from a perfect ass in expertly tailored gear. “Off I go. But, before…”

The pause is long enough that Eddie turns to see Willow on the tail end of blowing Ruby a kiss and winking at her. Then she turns to Eddie. And winks again.

It takes until Willow’s music is halfway through before he gets himself together.

“She winked at me,” he mutters, walking over to Ruby.

“I know,” she murmurs. Her eyes are locked on the screen of Willow’s match. Her hand finds its way to his even so. “Eddie, she’s so hot.”

“She winked at me,” Eddie repeats. He squeezes Ruby’s hand. “And now all I can think of is your dream.”

“Yeah,” Ruby says. The tone is breathy enough that Eddie glances over at Ruby. Her face is red and she’s squirming, just a little bit.

Eddie grins and leans in. “You’re thinking about your dream too, now, aren’t you?”

Ruby glares at him. “Like you didn’t enjoy it.”

“Not saying I didn’t enjoy it,” Eddie corrects, “just saying that, maybe, if you’re good about it, you can have your dream come true.”

“That sounds so cheesy.”

Eddie shrugs and steps back, getting a look at Willow’s Doctor Bomb and victory. “Cheesy, but right.”

~

Willow’s name appears dozens of times over the next few weeks, and not a small amount were when the two of them are tangled together, grasping at each other’s skin and panting into each other’s mouths.

“Okay,” Ruby says, panting and glowing under a sheen of sweat that makes Eddie feel a little cocky, “that’s it. We gotta ask her.”

“Ask her what?” Eddie asks. He grins at Ruby.

“You’re going to make me say it?”

“Course I am!” Eddie says. “That’s half the fun.” He winks.

Ruby rolls her eyes and shoves her face into the pillow.

“Say that again?” he asks. He trails his fingers down her body, between her legs, where she’s still wet and covered in his come. “I didn’t hear you.”

Her leg props up and he slides two fingers easily inside of her. “I – god, I thought I was done.”

“You never are,” Eddie says casually, like he’s not fucking his own come back into his girl, like he can’t feel her clench around him. “Tell me.”

She wiggles against him. “Get a finger on my clit or you’re not getting anything from me.”

He snorts. “Baby, that line only works when I haven’t fucked you already.”

“Shut up,” Ruby says. Her eyes burn into him. “I know what you’re asking for right now, and you’re going to earn it.”

“Fuck, when you say it that way.” He gets his thumb involved and strokes rhythmically, following the twitch of Ruby’s hips.

Ruby grins and brushes sweaty hair from her forehead. “We should ask Willow,” she breathes. “We should ask Willow to join us here.” She whimpers. “We should have her ride you while I sit on your face.”

“Jesus,” Eddie moans. If he was able, he’d be hard as a rock again. The years aren’t letting his body keep up with his brain, though. “Show me how you’d come for Willow. Show me.”

For the fourth time that night, Ruby comes, and she tightens around his fingers in a way that makes him think about if this was Willow’s hand.

He gets dizzy.

“Okay, yeah,” he says. “We’re asking Willow.”

~

“You do it?”

“What?!” Eddie says. He turns around to see Ruby all but hiding behind him. “The fuck is this, you do it?”

“I’m too nervous,” Ruby whines. “What if she says no?”

“She’ll never get a chance to say yes if you don’t talk to her.”

“Good advice,” Ruby says. She places her hands on Eddie’s waist and shoves. “You go take the chance.”

“Ruby.”

“Eddie,” she says. She digs her nails in, just the tiniest bit. “Please?”

“We’ll go together,” Eddie decides. He grabs one of her hands and holds it. “Come on.”

They go back and forth long enough that Willow catches Eddie’s eye and waves.

“She saw us,” Ruby hisses.

“Of course she saw us,” Eddie says back. “We’ve been staring at her for about five minutes.”

Ruby groans. “Okay. Fine. We’ll go together and ask.”

“No shit, baby.” He slides his hand into the back pocket of Ruby’s jeans and gently leads her toward Willow.

“Hey!” Willow says. She really does always look great. “Is everything alright? I saw you two looking at me.”

Eddie looks down at Ruby, feeling a little called out and unsure of how to keep going.

“Yeah!” Ruby says. “Just – you look amazing today. I love the overall dress. It’s really cute.”

Willow beams. “Thank you – I thrifted it.” She plays with a strand of her hair, and Eddie takes the moment to really look at her. “Is there something on my face!”

“Nothing except for how pretty you are,” Eddie says before he can stop himself. He adds a wink. And the worries, briefly, if he’s about to get fired for workplace sexual harassment.

Willow’s eyes widen, then settle down into a knowing expression. “Oh,” she says, stretching out the syllable.

“Oh?” Ruby asks.

“Is this, like, some sort of ‘we saw you across the room and we liked your vibe’ thing?” Willow asks, grinning and pointing. Something must read on Eddie’s face alongside Ruby’s, because Willow’s expression shifts. “Oh, shit!” she says. “Sorry. It is? Oh my god.”

Eddie feels Ruby tense up beside him.

“You guys are serious?” Willow’s smile drops. “Hold on.” She reaches out and pinches the skin of the back of her hand. “Fuck. Ow.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Eddie asks. “That can’t’ve felt good.”

“It didn’t,” Willow says, in nearly a whisper to herself. “It – it felt –” Her head snaps up. “Wait, are you two seriously hitting on me? This isn’t a dream?”

Ruby glances up to Eddie.

“Nope,” Eddie says, and he’s never spoken like this in his life. “I mean, nah. We really were wondering if you…” he trails off.

Willow folds her arms over her chest, an intriguing smile on her face. “You were wondering if I…?”

“Come on a date with us,” Ruby blurts out. “We’ll buy you dinner.”

“And, what, are you two dessert?” She grins, and Eddie is way more into this than he expected. “Yeah. Yeah, alright. When?”

Ruby shrugs, like now is the time to be casual. “Tonight. If that works for you.”

Willow shrugs. “Kind of late. How do the two of you feel about brunch?”

“I love brunch!” Ruby says. She does. It’s one thing Eddie learned about her early on. Early wake ups to go hit up a hole in the wall breakfast taco place in San Antonio, a two hour drive through the rural woods of New Hampshire to get pancakes at a maple barn, a breakfast special at a random Golden Corral in Tennessee. Ruby will pick brunch any time she can. “I’ll look up some places and text you the address for tomorrow, okay?”

“Let’s do noon,” Willow says. Eddie didn’t expect this level of command. The way she’s turning the discussions to match her requests, the way she’s grinning like she knows exactly what she’s doing. Eddie likes it. “Text me.” She winks at them and turns, a sway in her hips Eddie wants to memorize.

“Ruby,” Eddie says, “I think this may be your best idea yet.”

~

Willow’s already at a table by the window, sipping a coffee with her hair in a half ponytail and a pink tank top when Ruby and Eddie get there. The light bounces off her cheekbones in a way that makes her look like a painting, almost. Like she’s a moment in time captured.

“Damn it, Ruby,” he grumbles. “I think you’re making me fall in love with her a little bit.”

Ruby laughs and calls Willow’s name grasping Eddie’s hand and squeezing. Willow waves the over. “Chill, baby. If you come on too strong, it might look like this was your idea.” She grins and walks over to Willow. “Hey!”

Willow manages to light up even more when they get to the table. “Hi!” she says. “I got the two of you coffees, but I didn’t touch them. Some people are weird about their sugar or cream or whatever.”

Eddie snorts. “Yeah, never get coffee for Claudio. He’s a shit about it.”

Willow eyes him as she takes a sip of her coffee, eyes sparkling over the rim of the mug. As she sets it down, she says, “I wouldn’t want to.”

The conversation strays to work, which Eddie never generally enjoys, but getting to watch Ruby and Willow warm even further to each other and, frankly, flirt is great. He’s antsy, though, on edge. His leg won’t stop bouncing. Drinking another cup of the coffee the smiling waitress keeps refilling is definitely not going to help with that, but he can’t stop himself.

“Are you okay?” Willow asks, head tilted to the side. There’s still that combination of knowing innocence in her eyes that makes him desperate to know more about her. “You seem anxious.”

“I – not anxious,” Eddie says. He tries for that vulnerability thing Mox has been trying to convince him is a good thing. “Anticipatory, more like.”

“Anticipatory!” Ruby laughs. “Really. What a word.”

“I – shut up,” Eddie reaches up and tugs on a lock of her hair. She doesn’t have to tell everybody about that stupid word app he’s been messing with. Ruby giggles again.

“Okay, yeah, I want in on this,” Willow says. It’s like she’s been having a conversation with herself, almost an argument, that she’s now both won and lost. “You two, I mean.” She presses her lips together, clearly fighting a smile. But Eddie reads some hesitation in her eyes.

Ruby leans in, resting her chin on her hands. “Yeah?” she asks. “Tell me about it.”

Willow does. It’s a nearly forty-five minute conversation between breakfast tacos and fruit cups and endless refills of the shitty diner coffee that no longer is making him nervous. The discussions and planning are easier than he’d expected, fun, even, and every word feels like foreplay.

“So,” Ruby says. “Thursday night next week. We’ll text you the room, okay?”

“Or you could just pass me a note during Dynamite.” Willow shrugs. “Adds a little bit of fun before the fun, you know?”

“Note during Dynamite,” Eddie says, swirling the last little bits of coffee in the bottom of his cup. “Got it. I can do that.”

“You sure as shit can’t,” Ruby snorts. “Your handwriting is garbage.” She turns to Willow, eyes sparkling. “I’ll give you the note. Before my match.”

“If it means I get to see you in your gear, works for me.” Willow keeps eye contact with Ruby as she slides her card and the bill Eddie hadn’t even seen come out onto the table. She picks the card up and winks.

“When the hell did you do that?” Eddie asks, frowning. “I was gonna pay.”

“I knew you would offer,” Willow says, placing the signed and run bill on top of the folder and putting her card in her purse. “Which is why I gave my card to the waitress when I walked in.” She stands, ethereal, and Eddie may have to talk to Ruby about actually, literally, being in love with this woman. “Just a reminder that I’m two steps ahead of you.” She turns. Over her shoulder, she calls, “See you on Wednesday.”

~

A week.

Eddie has to wait almost a week before seeing Willow again, and he can feel the electricity of anticipation running through Ruby the same it is through him. They’re pulling off quickies in the bathroom after grocery shopping, getting handsy in the car on the way to the gym. One morning, Eddie catches Ruby watching him lift in the mirror and he has no choice but to grab her and go down on her in the gym showers.

“You’re gonna get us arrested,” Ruby hisses as they drag their luggage through the airport. His hand isn’t not under her shirt, technically, but he got a flash of her skin when she took off her hoodie for security. He can’t not touch her.

“Will not,” Eddie says, but he does pull his hand away. “I was just touching you.”

“I said it wrong,” Ruby says, nodding over to their gate. “You’re gonna get me to get us in trouble, because if you don’t stop touching me I’m going to do something stupid.”

Eddie grins.

“No, we are not having sex in the bathroom.”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah, I figured. But it was worth the ask.”

“I didn’t even let you ask.”

“You knew what I was going to say, and that kind of counts.” He leans against the pillar right in front of the gate, ignoring a woman glaring at him for reasons he can’t quite figure out right now. “Anyway. You got a charger? I’m running low on my phone.”

They board and sit, and Ruby falls asleep within minutes, ear buds in playing some audiobook. Like always. Eddie kisses the top of her head and gets back to his little game on his phone.

It’s a faster flight than he’d expected – he must have dozed off for a while – and he and Ruby are rushed out of the airport and into the rental car.

“You excited for tomorrow night?” Ruby asks.

Eddie nods. “And tonight. You got that big match.”

“Yeah,” Ruby says, “but I have matches all the time. Tomorrow night doesn’t happen all the time.”

Eddie exhales and reaches out a hand to rest it on Ruby’s thigh. “No it doesn’t.”

~

Dynamite goes by in a blur. He’s pulled in to do some pre tapes and media, so he doesn’t get a chance to check in with Ruby about the note or see Willow. They’re back at the hotel, exhausted, before he knows it.

“Bed,” Ruby says, flopping face first into the pillows once she’s in her familiar tank top and shorts for bed. “Too tired. Back hurts.”

“Need ibuprofen or something?” Eddie asks. He puts on a pair of pajama pants.

She shakes her head. “No,” she says into the pillow. There’s something that follows, but Eddie can’t make it out. He counts to thirty in his head. When he hits twenty-nine, Ruby’s already snoring.

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie chuckles. “Saw that one coming a mile away.”

He falls asleep quickly, dreaming of his own bed back home, and wakes to Ruby poking at his arm with her elbow.

“Oops, did I wake you up?” She’s got the worst kind of grin on her face. “Oh, darn. Let’s go get lunch.”

Eddie yawns and stretches, the creaks in his body less severe than he’s used to. “Don’t you mean breakfast?”

“No, I don’t.” Ruby shows him her phone screen.

“Fuck!” Eddie scrambles to his feet, narrowly avoiding getting caught on the edge of the bedside table. “Why didn’t you wake me up?!”

“You were tired,” Ruby says. She’s already dressed, and he sees the tell tale signs of a gym trip – sports bra and the tiniest shorts he’s ever seen anywhere – draped over their luggage. “Need you to be in top shape for tonight.” She winks at him and sits on the bed, bouncing a little.

“Any chance we could do a practice run right now?” He grins at her, interrupting himself with a yawn.

“No,” Ruby says, and he is about be mildly annoying about it, just for the fun of it, until Ruby leans in. “I need to let you get all riled up before Willow and I get to have our fun.”

Eddie takes some moments to breathe, because a lot of blood has gone from his head. But Ruby’s right. If he goes wild right now, he’s not going to be able do as much as he wants to tonight.

“I hate it when you’re right,” he mumbles. “But, you know. I also love it.” He winks.

“Oh, shut up,” Ruby says, reaching out and squeezing Eddie’s leg. “Get up and get ready. I want lunch.”

“Jesus, you really did let me sleep.” Eddie dresses and gets ready, excitement welling inside of him. They’d planned for today, visits to some local museums and gelato from a little place Statlander swears by, but he can’t stop thinking about what will happen that night.  

“Your energy is wild right now,” Ruby muses, swinging Eddie’s hand in hers.

“I’m excited,” Eddie says. He’s also nervous, but he decides not to add that detail. “It’s a big night. Not every day I get to give my girl the night of her dreams.”

Ruby laughs, head thrown back and eyes closed, and Eddie is so fucking in love.

~

He knows how he got here. He knows Willow walked in with a tiny bit of hesitance alongside her smile, brought a bottle of cheap wine with her. He knows Ruby kissed Willow first. He knows he sat down in the chair in the corner of the room to give them space, he knows he’s been watching. But it does feel a little like a fever dream.

Eddie watches as Ruby carefully kisses Willow, hesitant like she’s not sure she’s allowed to. He grips the ugly little throw pillow in his fingers. He’s not going to interrupt this beautiful moment. He wants to memorize it. As enthusiastic as he is, this is Ruby’s dream. And, for him, getting to watch this is good enough.

He must have made some sort of noise or said something, because the two of them pause and turn to him.

“Are you enjoying the view?” Willow asks. Her eyes flutter closed when Ruby’s lips gently move down to her neck. She tilts her head back, hair cascading, and Eddie wouldn’t tear his eyes away if his life depended on it.

“I am,” Eddie says, clearing his throat. “You two are both gorgeous, but this is…” He trails off. “God damn.”

Willow sighs, settling her hands on Ruby’s thighs, rubbing little circles in the denim with her thumbs. “Your girl’s got a pretty mouth,” Willow murmurs. “You really know how to use it, Roo.”

Ruby pulls back and stares at Willow. “I – I keep forgetting this is real,” she says with a little giggle. “I’m – I’m going to take off my shirt now.”

“Thank god,” Willow says. “Always wanted to know where those tattoos lead to.”

“Do you have any we haven’t seen before?” Eddie asks. “Anything pretty underneath the gear?”

“I’m sure she has a lot pretty underneath the gear, Eddie,” Ruby says pointedly.

“Of course, but we know that’s going to be pretty,” Eddie says. “Wondering if there are any surprises.”

Willow licks her lips, locks eyes with Eddie. “I have a lot of surprises, Eddie.”

“I bet you do.” He drops his eyes to her mouth, plump lips and the hint of a smile.

“Come here,” Ruby says, patting the bed next to her. “We want you involved.”

“You sure?” Eddie asks. “Don’t want to make anybody uncomfortable.”

Willow snorts. “If I wasn’t here for both of you, I wouldn’t be here at all.”

Eddie sits on the bed, and he’s never felt hesitant like this before. Ruby’s and Willow’s eyes are on him, burning like their gaze will be on his skin forever, and he leans in before he can get nervous. Willow sighs into his mouth before parting her lips. She crawls into his lap, warm and soft. He wishes he weren’t wearing sweatpants. He wishes she wasn’t wearing those soft leggings. He wants to feel all of her.

“Fuck,” Ruby breathes next to them. “Willow, I think – I think you should go first.”

Willow pulls back, eyes sparkling. “Go first?” she asks. “Wanna give me a little more detail there, Roo?”

The nickname seems to hit Ruby like a train. “Fuck him,” she says. “I want – you – first.”

“Eddie?” Willow asks. It’s the first time he’s seen hesitance in her eyes, and he will do anything to get rid of it.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I – yeah.”

The rest of their clothes disappear in a tornado of fabric. Eddie’s been hard for what feels like decades, and, when he leans back, he gets to see what Ruby and Willow have gotten up to while he was getting comfortable. Ruby is fully in Willow’s lap, bare thighs around Willow’s hips. Eddie’s transfixed at the way tattoos and skin press against each other. If he weren’t so weird about needles, he’d take a picture of this moment and get it inked on his thigh so he can look at it forever.

He doesn’t speak – he’d rather see where this is going. He watches, feeling almost greedy, but the moans as fingers press into skin make it worth anything negative he could feel.

Eventually, Ruby and Willow pull away from each other with little kisses until they turn to him.

“Wow,” Willow says, and Eddie doesn’t miss the way he eyes lock on his dick. “Where do you put all that, Ruby?”

“She’s surprising,” Eddie says. “Girl can put away a lot more than you’d think.” He winks.

“We’re literally having sex,” Ruby says. “You don’t have to wink.”

“It’s – shut up,” Eddie says, laughing. “You see what I gotta put up with here?” he says to Willow. “Don’t get a single break.” He pats his thighs. “Anyway. Come on over.”

“That is the lamest way you could have said that,” Ruby says. She scoots right next to him.

“You’re being so mean to him,” Willow says, sighing. Eddie’s brain short circuits, just a little bit. He hasn’t been with another woman for years, and already the difference of Willow’s soft thighs around him is setting his skin on fire. “Okay?” she asks, studying his face.

He nods, settling his hands on her thighs. “Ride me, baby.”

Ruby’s breath hitches next to him and she reaches out to grab Eddie’s arm. “Yeah,” she says, breathy. “Ride him. I wanna see.”

Willow, as she sinks down onto him, is heaven. His eyes flicker between Ruby’s face and Willow’s, hungry to see everything. “Jesus Christ,” he mumbles. “Willow, you feel amazing.”

She grins, eyes shut, as she rocks. “Yeah? Same to you.” She’s slow with it, like she’s still feeling him out, and Eddie is intrigued.

“You like to take this easy, don’t you?” he asks. He watches as she lifts up on her knees and sinks back down on him. Ruby is breathing heavily in his ear, fingers trailing up and down his chest. “No rush?”

“I have patience,” Willow says. One hand is flat on Eddie’s chest, the other is tapping on Ruby’s thigh. Eddie doesn’t miss the way Ruby moves down the bed, just a little bit.

“You wanna touch her, don’t you?” Eddie murmurs.

“Yes,” Ruby and Willow say at the same time.

Eddie grins. “I was talking to Willow, but okay.” He nods at Ruby. “Go on. Touch her. Let’s give our guest the specialty treatment, yeah?” He looks up and winks at Willow. “We’ll take real good care of you, Willow.”

Willow’s breathing has gone shaky, her eyes on where Ruby’s coming closer to her. Ruby goes up on her knees and kisses Willow, gentle and intent. Eddie watches. And then he’s clued in by the way Willow tightens around him to look down to where Ruby’s hand is in between them, moving in a steady rhythm.

“L-left,” Willow says. “Oh, my god.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “She’s good with her hands, isn’t she.”

“So good,” Willow whispers. “I – if either of you stop what you’re doing, I’ll kill you.”

Ruby laughs and keeps steady.

“Hey, I’m just here for you to use the way you want,” Eddie says. “But I gotta say, the idea of you coming because Ruby’s touching you and you’re riding my dick…yeah, that’s the stuff of dreams.”

Willow giggles, moving a hand back to brace herself on Eddie’s thigh. It gives Eddie a better look at how Ruby’s fingers work at Willow’s clit.

“Are you close?” Eddie asks. He rubs Willow’s thighs. “You gonna come for us already?”

Willow nods. “Close,” she answers.

“Fast,” Ruby murmurs. “Good girl.”

Willow laughs and licks her lips. “It is annoying how much that does it for me.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “You like knowing you’re a good girl?”

“Not usually,” Willow says, and she pauses to moan all pretty, “I – but with you two, I think – I think…” She trails off, her eyes squeezed shut. “Oh, my god.”

Eddie can tell she’s close, tight around him. “C’mon,” he murmurs. “Come for me.”

“Can’t – don’t tell me what to do,” she says, but there’s laughter behind it. Eddie doesn’t think he’s in too much trouble. “Fuck, Ruby – Eddie – I – ” There’s a low whine at the back of her throat when she throws her head back. Eddie feels it, feels her, and reminds himself to pray extra hard in thanks tonight.

“You’re even – wow,” Ruby murmurs. She moves her hand and Eddie nearly passes out as she locks eyes with Willow and puts her fingers into her mouth. “You taste amazing.”

“Roo, you keep that shit up, I won’t be able to hang for as long as I want to.” Eddie stills all of his movements. If he concentrates, he’ll be able to hold it together. “Wills, you good?”

Her eyes open, and they’re sparkling. “So good,” she says with a sigh. “I am gonna, um…” She swings a leg over and flops onto the bed next to Eddie. “I need to remember how to breathe.”

“Good idea,” Ruby says. “While you’re doing that…” She winks at Eddie and slides down on his dick. “Oh, my god, I didn’t –”

“Still feel me there?” Willow asks, and Eddie can’t help but fuck up into Ruby.

“I – I think I do,” Ruby says. “It – oh my god.” She rolls her hips. “It’s – I don’t even know how to – oh my god.”

Eddie knows what she means. Knowing it’s Ruby in his lap, riding him aided by the proof of Willow’s orgasm, is enough to blow his mind. He hears Willow’s breathing slow, and then she moves. He follows her with his eyes as she sets up behind Ruby, who is lifting herself up on her knees and dropping rapidly. She’s getting desperate for an orgasm.

“You look so pretty,” Willow murmurs from over Rubys shoulder. Her eyes sparkle as she places her hands on Ruby’s hips. She’s almost guiding Ruby’s movements. “You ride him really well.”

“Thanks,” Ruby laughs. Eddie feels her tighten around him. He tries to focus on anything else. He wants this to last forever. Fucking of course Ruby would come up with something like this to blow his mind and fuck him up for the rest of time.

“Can I touch you?” Willow asks. Something about that voice gets Eddie reaching up and resting a hand on the warm, bare thigh that peeks out from behind Ruby.

“Yeah,” Ruby says, “yeah, Eddie, can she touch me?” Eddie takes a brief second to thank God and anybody else involved in this moment that he managed to absolve himself of enough sins to earn this, then nods.

“Whenever she wants,” he says, grinning.

“What if,” Ruby says, slowing the movement of her hips, “what if – oh, if you keep that up.”

“Keep what up?” Willow asks innocently. Her hand has slid between Ruby’s legs, fingers making slow, careful circles. Eddie thinks, if he focuses, he can feel her hand from the outside of Ruby.

“You know,” Ruby says, and Eddie can tell it’s intended to be sharp. Nothing that breathy could be considered sharp. “Keep – keep going, I want to come.”

“She gets greedy,” Eddie explains, snapping his hips up into Ruby. “Likes coming a bunch of times.”

“Record is seven,” Ruby mutters. She’s focused on a spot on the wall, eyes out of focus.

“She’s close,” Eddie murmurs. He pushes her up, spreading her thighs a little more so Willow has a better angle. “She’s gonna come soon, as long as you keep it up like this.”

“Mhm,” Ruby says.

“Good,” Willow says, tone soothing, “don’t want you to miss your chance.” She leans in and kisses Ruby’s neck, locking eyes with Eddie. He nods. Willow sucks. It’s hesitant, gentle, but unmistakable. .

Ruby comes with a moan and Eddie feels like the luckiest man alive. It’s familiar, as she tenses around him, but so different from Willow that he finds himself whirling through memories and the present, trying to hold onto every single second of this night.

Ruby slumps over and collapses on his chest, arms at her sides.

“Have fun?” he murmurs. He strokes her hair and winks up at Willow.

Ruby mumbles something wordless in affirmation.

“You good, Roo?” Willow’s leaning with her hands braced on the bed, which is doing incredible things for her tits. “Because I have something I think you might have fun with.”

Ruby opens her eyes. “Does it involve the fact that you look great naked?”

Willow shrugs, smile on her lips. “I mean this in particular.” She turns her gaze on Eddie. “Fuck me standing up while I eat your girl out.”

Eddie makes the weirdest noise he’s ever made.

Willow’s face falls. “We can do something else?”

“No!” Ruby says. “No, he meant –” She turns to him. “Actually, what the fuck was that?”

“Don’t – damn it, Ruby, don’t try and kick my ass for a weird noise.” Eddie’s not used to being flustered like this. He likes it and hates it. And he really likes that he kind of hates it. “I like that idea. I like it a lot.” He stands and walks around to the foot of the bed. “How do you…?” His hands find her waist and she turns, showing off her ass as she bends over and props her arms on the bed. “Oh. Yeah, I can work with this.” He smooths his hands over her skin.

“Ruby, come here,” Willow says. “If you want.”

“If I want?!” Ruby exclaims. “Fuck yes, it’s what I want.” She scoots down the bed, legs spread, and Eddie loves how she’s already soaked from everything before.

Willow glances over her shoulder. “You ready?”

“Course I’m ready,” Eddie says. He licks his lips. “Not sure I’ve ever been this ready for anything his whole life.”

He’s already fucked Willow tonight, felt that tight warm heat, but sliding back slowly into her is just as good as it was the first time. She sighs, hips shifting and moving as she adjusts. “There we go,” she says. “Alright, Ruby.”

Ruby shouts when Willow gets her mouth on her. “Oh, my god,” Ruby says, looking directly at Eddie. “She’s so – your mouth, Willow, you’re so good at this.”

Willow pulls back. “Of course I am!” she says, cheery as always.

Eddie takes it slow with Willow, for both of their sakes. If he goes too intense with this, if he gets too focused on himself, it’ll be over way too soon.

Ruby and Willow are both making satisfied little noises, Ruby with more clear words than Willow, for obvious reasons. Eddie slips a hand between them, playing with Willow’s clit. Just for his own entertainment.

Willow whimpers and pillows her head on Ruby’s thigh. “I’ll be – I’ll be back, I swear,” she pants. Eddie slows his thrusts. “I just – a second.”

“Need me to stop?” Eddie asks, freezing.

She levels a glare at him that could ruin a city. “Absolutely not,” she says firmly. So Eddie pulls out a little bit, teasing her, until she reaches back and pinches his thigh. “I didn’t say stop, did I?”

“I like you telling him what to do,” Ruby says.

“Yeah, well, a girl’s gotta do what a girls gotta do.” And Eddie has a front row seat to the way she dives back in and devours Ruby’s pussy.

“Fucking hell,” Eddie murmurs. He takes his time, unwilling to ruin this moment by coming before he plans to. Even so, he’s done this enough to know when he’s reaching the breaking point. It’s close.

He circles his hips, letting his eyes roam over Ruby’s body. The way one hand is gripping Willow’s shoulder, the other is twisted in the bedsheets. He’s never had the opportunity to see Ruby’s face from this angle while she’s being eaten out, and it’s a sight to behold. Her lip is caught between her teeth, eyes pressed shut, hair a mess.

“Goddamn,” he murmurs. “You two don’t know how into this I am, but I’m not going to last much longer.”

“What a gentleman,” Ruby pants. “Willow – I – oh my god.” Her head is thrown back and Eddie grins as he watches her tense and then go limp, hips twitching away from where Willow’s still between her legs.

“Good?” Willow asks. She wipes the back of her mouth and glances over her shoulder at Eddie. “She looks so good when she comes.”

Ruby’s got a little smile on her face as she lets her legs flop to rest on the bed and her feet plant on the floor. Willow’s fingers glisten and Eddie’s pretty sure he’s going to die.

“You good?” he asks. He can’t quite reach her from behind Willow, but Willow takes the hint and rests a gentle hand on Ruby’s thigh.

“So good,” Ruby mumbles. She leans up and kisses Willow.

“Yeah?” Eddie says. “Ruby, get her there.”

Ruby gives a thumbs up and then her hand disappears. Willow makes a fun little sound and tightens, and Eddie’s lost the ground from underneath him and the air around him. He’s transcended, looking Ruby right in the eye as he comes, and Ruby’s grin is burned into his memory.

“Fuck,” Willow giggles, breathless. “Oh, my god. That was fun.” She wiggles her hips and Eddie steps back, suddenly a little cold as, for the first time in a while, he’s not touching anyone else. “Glad we talked about all that before. This got messy.”

Ruby makes room, snuggling into Willow’s side. “We got a room with a huge shower. Like, huge. If you want…”

Willow nods, eyes closed on the bed. “In a few,” she murmurs. “I’m going to bask in this for, like, a month. Then maybe I’ll move from this spot.”

Ruby pats the bed next to her. “Come on, Eddie. Come snuggle.”

Eddie chuckles and leans down behind Ruby, but she shakes her head. “Not what I meant.”

“Yeah,” Willow says, “I want to be double little spoon.”

Eddie, who until this moment was still a little convinced he was sort of here as a mechanism as opposed to a full participant, lowers himself into the bed. Immediately Willow snuggles into him, and it’s automatic how he wraps his arms around her waist. “This is nice,” he says, kissing Willow’s neck before thinking about it.

“It is,” Ruby says. She scoots in so she’s basically nose to nose with Willow and kisses her sweetly. “Would you, I don’t know, what to maybe do this again?”

“Definitely,” Willow says. “But, um. Not tonight. I’m a little tired.”

Eddie laughs and buries his face in Willow’s hair. “Ruby, cool it.”

“I didn’t mean tonight!” Ruby says. He feels an arm reach around and poke him. “But soon.”

Willow sighs, relaxing further in Eddie’s and Ruby’s arms. “Soon.”

~

Mini Playlist: Wet Dream - SNOW WIFE Dirty Little Fantasy - Lilyisthatyou Touch - Little Mix Lady Mine - Josh Ramsay feat. Chad Kroeger

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

A slightly less average day in Family Video

A girl with shoulder length blond hair and a huge stack of tapes goes to the counter. Steve, who had wrongly assumed that Robin could handle herself for ten minutes, tries to intervene. It is in vain. He is aware that it is in vain, even as he sprints towards them. Tapes clatter behind him on the floor. Unfortunately the noise is not enough to dissuade the innocent customer, who barely even pauses on her way to the ticking time bomb that is Robin Buckley.

He feels like in a movie, everything around him suddenly moving in an excrutiatingly slow pace. He is the only one who can see the incoming disaster, and yet there is nothing he can do but watch. Watch as Robin's lips twitch - not in the fun "I actually find your stupid joke hilarious but I refuse to laugh because it is so stupid and beneath me" way, but the decidedly more concerning "I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed someone get me out of this situation please". Watch as her nostrils start to flare in that particular way that means she is trying really hard not to burst into tears.

Oh dear.

Needless to say, the blonde does not take any of the tapes home with her. Steve watches in envy as she exits the shop. Ah, to be a free spirit, able to escape his soulmate's laments with no guilt or remorse or consequences. But alas, he has been cursed with a bleeding heart, a guilt complex the size of Indiana and a useless lesbian. And so, instead of doing the reasonable thing and escaping this hellscape, he goes towards the explosive variable. Dingus indeed.

"Hey, how about we take a break, huh?" Steve tries to recalls the rules about approaching wild animals - Dustin had a phase when he first got Dart. No loud noises. No sudden movements. Slow and steady. Take everything at the anima- at Robin's pace. (He'll have to tell her that one when she is less upset. She was literally named after a bird, so drunk on exhaustion Robin will find it absolutely and disproportinately hilarious)

He physically recoils when he catches a glimpse of Blondie's would-be haul. Dirty Dancing. The Princess Bride. Purple Rose of Cairo. Of all the days for a romcom movie night. At least Steve can rest assured that he isn't God's only favorite chewtoy. Isn't that what it means to be soulmates, after all? Doomed by forces beyond your comprehension together?

Steve looks at the evergrowing stack left behind on the counter (only one person managed to actually rent out the movies, and that was when Steve had sent Robin to her third break in two hours), the three movies still laying on the floor (please no one step on them please no one step on them by the love of god please nobody step on them) and prays nobody checks the security footage today as he leads Robin to what must be her sixth break. The shift is barely halfway over.

Now, Steve is neither a lesbian (he looks at boys a tad too long to only be interested in girls) nor a high school student (class '85 baby!). However, he is the unfortunate resident of a nosy and boring small town (seriously, fuck Hawkins), very aware of how draining it is to have to keep a big secret in said nosy and boring small town (if you think about it, are a person's sexuality and flesh-devouring monsters from a different dimension truly that different?), and has also morphed into one eldritch agglomeration with his bestest most favorite person of all times (Mike's words. Apparently the way he and Robin can read each other's minds is "freaky" or something), so he is very aware and sympathetic of their struggles and beliefs.

Such as this: the list of people you can cry on when your not-quite-girlfriend-but-definitely-something-more-than-friends-you-are-maybe-kind-of-in-love-with suddenly breaks it off is remarkably shorter than if said person was a boy. In Robin's case, the list is exactly one person long. Well, technically two, but it would be very awkward and painful to sob on the person who is the reason for your tears.

"It's s-s-so. So ssssstupid. I mean we were-weren't even a-an-any-anything. I don't know why I'm so u-up-up-p-p-pset"

Steve nods and rubs her back. He hopes his expression is as sympathetic and righteously mad on her behalf as the first time he heard the story.

"We used to kiss und-d-d-der the bleachers. The same b-b-b-bleachers we face whenevvvvvvver we p-p-p-practic-ssss-e in band. How am I sup-p-p-p-pposed to look at those stupid fucking b-b-b-leachers without thinking about her lips and her leeeegs and-"

"Such stupid bleachers", Steve dutifully agrees. He wonders whether one of the kids can maybe hack into the CCTV to delete the footage? Surely they can't be fired without any hard evidence, right? The last thing Robin needs right now is the inevitable stress that comes with job hunting.

"Howwww- how do you d-d-deal with it?!"

It takes a moment of Robin staring at him expectantly before he realizes that she went off-script and he is expected to actually answer her question. You know, like a proper sympathetic best friend and soulmate is supposed to act.

"How do I deal with what?"

"With the b-b-b-break-k-k-kkkk-kups? Me and her weeeeeeren't even-"

"Your emotions are valid" Steve shamelessly steals Robin's go-to saying whenever he is unreasonably upset about something stupid. She hits him, which is fair. Maybe he was being a little bit mocking about it. Sue him.

"It's like-", he pauses, searching for a more tactful way to say it. But then again, he has never been great at expressing himself and Robin always gets him anyways, so he just goes for it. "I mean. It's not like anyone is really upset after a breakup you know."

Robin blinks. Once. Twice.

"Wwww-wh-what?"

"I mean. You explained it to me. Sexism and all that shit. If a girl isn't upset and stuff she's called a slut. Boys don't have that, and they seem to always be fine. I mean, Tommy P. was making out with Alicia literally the same day he got dumped by Sarah. It's all just about peacocking and status and all that stupid stuff."

Maybe he was overestimating Robin's telepathic abilities, because she looks even more confused. "Sssso you just got together with all those girls because. What. It-t-tt was expect-ted of youuu?!"

Maybe Steve's own telepathic abilities are also failing him because like. Obviously?! What's the hang-up?

"So you decided yourrrrr girrrrrrrrrrlfriends based on what-t? Whether they were cheeeeeeer-cheerleaders?!"

"I mean. That's what everyone did, isn't it? Expectarions and all that crap." Steve starts wondering if maybe Robin has something stuck in her eye. "Like, of course I wouldn't start anything with someone if I didn't like them as a person. But the girls were cute, and making out is fun, and I like hanging out with them so like, why not. If it got boring after a while I just broke it off, no harm no foul."

"SSSSO YOU SST-sss-STAYED TOGETHER WITH HER UNTIL YOU FOUND A SHINIER NEW T-T-T-TOYYY?!"

"Hey, you don't need to say it like that. It's not like I was doing anything different from everyone else. Society is fucked, or whatever it is you always say."

A pause. "Steve.... if it sounds heartless....it's b-b-b-because it issss. I hate to say it but.... I don't thiiiiiink all of your girlfriends saw it the sa-sa-sa-same way you did. I mean, did you look at T-t-t-tammy? She looked devastated for wwwweeks. I remember I was so mad at you for that. You didn't even seem to not-t-t-t-t-no-notice."

Silence. It's Steve's turn to blink. Once. Twice. He starts to wonder if the thing Robin had stuck in her eye was knowledge. Or maybe tears. Regret?

"But. The slut thing-" "Steve. How did you feel about Nancy? Was it the same thing?" "No! It- I don't know. It was. She was- ...Oh."

In the quiet that follows, Steve swears he can hear his own heart crack in two.

"I mean, we weren't even together-together most of the time. Or some of the time, at least. Like-" (Robin, cheeks red from all the crying. "I mean, we weren't even anything". And maybe Steve didn't quite understand the reason for these tears, but he understood pain and he understood Robin so he held her close anyways)

"Wait Steve, no. I-I'm so- sorr-rrr-sorr-y"

And fuck. Isn't he an absolutely selfish and horrible person? Here he comes, finding out he hurt perfectly lovely girls, figuring out that the "heartbreaker" moniker is less a joke and more a warning, and then he has the audacity to feel hurt. He. Shame burbles up in his gut, multiplying until it comes leeking out of his eyes.

It's shameful and horrible. It is even more shameful and horrible because Robin is currently going through what they had probably felt, too. Tammy who loved singing to the radio. Layla who loved making friendship bracelets. Natasha who also had a love for basketball. He imagines them locked up in their rooms, trying to hold onto him even as they know it is fruitless, feeling like after that stupid halloween party - because of him. He wants to hurl.

And Robin, always overthinking, always overeager - Robin who is trying to nurse her own broken heart and doesn't understand what he is feeling but she understands pain and most importantly she understands him. Robin gives him a kiss on the forehead and holds him close.

"I shhhhhhouldn't have been so-so-so-ssssso harsh. I was frusssss-trated and I let it out on you I'm sorry."

Steve smiles sardonically. "My feelings are valid?" She flicks him on the forehead and laughs.

-> the gay crisis that wasn't

-> stobin partner tattoos (aka tramp stamp)

-> fighting the war on heteronormativity on the side of headache (ft. Tim Curry)

-> Hawkins has cryptids and they are movie snobs

[hannah-h-pleb]

Ahh…so I failed at putting out two pieces of writing PLUS, this is later than I anticipated

BUT, I still present you with some brand new Cartman content 😛

I believe someone already wrote about this, but I’m gonna give my interpretation as well because why not. Harley, this one’s for you dear 😘😚 @h-harleybaby

Mad Scientist! Cartman x Assistant Fem! Reader: NSFW Headcanons

Content Advisory: Smut (18+) minors DNI, mentions of blood, hints of dumbification and BDSM, aged up characters

So you’ve gone and fallen for the mad scientist have you? How unfortunate for you, even more so the fact that you’re his assistant. You’re the one who’s there to witness all of his experiments, and provide him with the tools he needs to successfully complete said experiments

This isn’t just any mad scientist however. This mad scientist is none other than Eric Cartman

Mad Scientist Cartman is not what you would expect in all honesty. One would expect someone as cocky as Cartman to barrel into things without a single thought. Incorrect

Mad Scientist Cartman is, actually legitimately scary. Why? Because his experiments are highly calculated and well thought out. When he’s busy conducting or planning his experiments, he gets eerily quiet, and it’s wise not to interrupt his thought process unless you really want to see him angry. The only time he speaks is when he needs you to grab a tool for him, or if he needs you to bring him a bag of his beloved cheesy poofs. Y’know, brain food

Despite how intimidating he is, you admire his work. Day by day you sit in on his experiment sessions and watch as he carefully plans everything out to a tee, and how well he carries himself during the experiments. He really is smarter than what people give him credit for. That and he always keeps a clean work space, even if it gets messy with blood or chemicals

Yes, you admire the man, but you can’t bring yourself to tell him out of fear of changing the dynamic between you two. What you don’t know, is he’s admiring you too. Oh yes, he admires his faithful assistant who always does as she’s told without question, and god you look cute while you do so. His assistant who is always at his beck and call whenever he needs her. He often wonders, what else could he make you do?

Then…he starts getting ideas..

So one day during an experiment on some poor unfortunate soul (please god someone get the reference), he pushes his chair back. You assume he’s simply going to ask you for another tool or maybe something to drink, until you hear him say “You. On your knees. Now.”

The authority behind his voices makes you shiver. You assume he’s joking until you look into his eyes and see that he’s dead serious. You drop to your knees immediately. Chuckling, he stands over you and unbuckles his belt

The scientist lets out a series of moans and groans as he shoves his cock as far down your throat as he can, not caring whether you can breathe or not. Despite being overwhelmed with pleasure, this does not stop Cartman from calling you names, reminding you that you’re just his pathetic little assistant who’s been so desperate to feel his cock down your throat. He’s interested in how much you can take, and his cock throbs in your mouth as he ponders what his next move will be

Once he’s done having his way with your face, he decides to switch things up, and next thing you know he’s got you bent over his desk with his dick deep inside of you and a fistful of your hair. Best believe this man shows no mercy on you either

He wants you to cry and beg him to slow down because “it’s too much”. The mad scientist doesn’t seem to care how rough he’s being or how hard he’s fucking you. Right now, he’s conducting a more personal experiment: How much can you take before you go dumb on his cock?

Cartman only laughs at you when he hears you start to sob. His grip on your hair tightens as he pulls your head back towards him. “Why’re you crying, hm? C’mon, I thought you wanted this. If you’re crying now, you’re in for a long night doll~”

In the spirit of seeing how far he can push you, he really likes to fuck you in the ass and finger your pussy at the same time. Double the stimulation, double the pleasure for the both of you

Can imagine that he’s left you tied up with a vibrator on your clit and left you like that while he resumes his experiments. As much as he hates to admit, the sound of your whiny little moans makes his cock twitch in his pants, it’s almost painful for him, but he refuses to give in because he doesn’t want you to think you have any power over him at all

Mad Scientist Cartman is more than likely into knife play. Think of all the sharp tools he owns. He’s definitely held one of those tools up to your neck and told you not to make a sound or he’d cut your neck open. He’s drawn blood more than once. He wants to know how easily he can make you bleed, and watching the blood drip down your neck is a huge turn on for him

Not only does this man own tools, he owns PLENTY of toys. And he’s using as many as he can on you, from vibrators to dildos to handcuffs. He’s definitely tied you down and laid you on his desk, just so he could pour candle wax on your body just to see how much pain you could take

Oh yes…Mad Scientist Cartman is a huge sadist all the way. But soooome times, and only sometimes, he doesn’t hate when the roles are reversed and he’s the one taking the pain and getting overstimulated, but that’s a subject for another time 😉

Just as a good scientist conducts good experiments, Cartman is very good at what he does to his partner. Having experimented on live bodies, he has a good idea of which buttons to push to make someone tick. He’s interested in how far he can push things with you so that he can feed his sadistic side. You may be his assistant by day, but you’re his whiny little painslut by night

Ngl I feel like I could’ve done better than this but it ain’t too shabby! Might write a little blurb for Kenny tomorrow we’ll see

Love you sillies 🫶🫶

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐌

Toji Fushiguro & Shiu Kong

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader x Shiu Kong

Summary: Shiu knows that his best friend and his wife like each other, so he chooses to do something about it.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, threesome, vaginal fingering, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), face fucking, handjob, creampie, Shiu is jealous (just a bit), praising, they call reader a slut

*reposting this, tumblr pissed me off

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

Your husband sees the way you look at his best friend. It’s hard not to see the lust behind your eyes every time that you look at Toji. When you hear that Toji’s coming over, you put on your cutest dress, put on some makeup and do your hair. He watches as you giggle at his every joke, getting a little too touchy with him as well. You always assure your husband that it’s nothing, even if he catches you red handed flirting with Toji; it’s not actually flirting… At least nothing too intense, but it’s enough to make him see red.

Shiu is completely jealous of Toji. So fucking jealous because his wife likes his best friend more than him. It makes Shiu seethe, and what infuriates him more is the fact that he has to pretend everything is okay. He has to keep his cool around you when you lie and tell him that you don’t understand what he means, you obviously don’t like Toji. That’s his best friend. You only have eyes for him.

God, he’s so fucking annoyed by it all. But he has a plan, something that he should maybe consult with you both first, but he isn’t. He calls you when he’s headed home and he tells you how he wants to find you: all dolled up, wearing his favorite lingerie set. He knows that you’ll abide since he asks very little of you. All while Toji sits next to him on his ride home, not paying any attention to what Shiu says.

They converse very little while on the way there; Toji is engulfed in his phone, and Shiu wonders why since Toji isn’t usually the type of person that stares at his phone. Maybe Toji is checking up on his son– Or he’s talking to someone. Either way, Shiu doesn’t care, as long as Toji isn’t talking to Shiu’s wife.

“What’s your wife cooking tonight?” Toji finally asks, looking at Shiu, who just shrugs in response. You’re definitely not cooking anything. “I hope it’s something good, I’m fucking hungry.”

“You won’t be that hungry when we get there.” Shiu says, which doesn’t make any sense. Toji is about to question it but Shiu parks in front of the house. They exit the car and walk into the home. The men hear you yell,

“Shiu!” You drag out his name, walking to the living room to meet him; you’re wearing just what he wanted you to wear, looking exactly how he wanted you to. You have a smirk on your face, however, it fades away when your eyes land on a man that’s not your husband. You and Toji stare at each other for a minute before you both turn to look at Shiu. “What the hell is this?”

“Hmm… What?” Shiu pretends to be confused. You both shoot daggers his way until he puts his hands up defensively. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other, I’m just trying to do you a favor.”

“A favor? What exactly?” You ask him, watching as Shiu steps toward you. He kisses your lips before a smile comes to his lips.

“You two get to fuck as long as I get to join you.” Shiu says, and you cross your arms.

“Who said I want to fuck him?” You furrow your eyebrows. Yeah, you want to fuck Toji, but you’d never tell that to your husband– You know better than that. Shiu’s hand goes under your chin and he tilts your head up. He chuckles before he pecks your lips again.

“You don’t have to lie to me, honey. I know you better than you think.” Shiu responds. “Plus, you see how quiet Toji is? You might not like him so much, but he certainly wants to fuck you. Would you do that for my dear friend? Please?”

“I– Um– No–” It feels like someone else has taken over Toji’s body. He would certainly agree if he had gotten the news before walking into your home and finding you in lingerie. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just agree because Shiu has clearly given the greenlight– But this could all be a test and Toji can’t lose his only friend. Shiu helps Toji out in so many ways, Toji can’t lose that. “I don’t–”

“Who do you two think I am?” Shiu ends up asking, and you end up rolling your eyes. Since he wants you to fuck Toji so bad, fine. You walk over to Toji, smiling at him before your hands go up to his shoulders and then meet behind his neck

“He wants us to fuck so bad, fine. Let’s do it.” You lick your lip before smirking at Toji. He can’t be blamed, you were the one that walked over to him first. Shiu would surely understand, right? If it’s a test, Toji tries to fight back his desire but he can’t when you’re looking so tempting in front of him. Your hand caresses his cheek before your lips go up to meet his.

He kisses you back and deepens the kiss, licking your bottom lip and when you open your mouth, his tongue goes inside your mouth. His tongue presses against yours, and he lets his hands roam around your body, although he’s hesitant at first. He gets more comfortable as he feels you up. He completely forgets that Shiu is watching, getting lost in your lips and your tongue.

You end up pulling away, a smirk coming to your lips. You grab his hand and walk over to your husband, grabbing his hand as well. You take both men to the bedroom, and when you’re there, Toji’s arms wrap around your waist before one hand wraps around your throat and he begins to kiss you. Shiu begins to kiss and suck on your neck while Toji focuses on your lips. Shiu kisses up your neck and stops at your ear, “You look so good tonight, honey.”

You’re not paying much attention to Shiu since Toji is so intoxicating. Toji’s hand goes into your panties, and his index and middle finger run through your folds. His fingers move slowly and move in a circular motion once they’re on your clit. Toji pulls away from the kiss, a string of saliva connecting your lips. Toji has a smug smile on his lips before he comments, “Oh, you’re so fucking pretty. I can’t wait to watch you take my cock.”

Toji takes his hand out of your panties, and he looks at Shiu. Shiu kisses your jaw before he orders, “Get on the bed.”

You do so without a problem. Both men want the same thing, and it’s to get on their knees and taste you on their tongue. Shiu loves the way you taste on his tongue, and while Toji is a person that prefers to receive rather than give, he just wants to taste you for at least once in his life; your lips aren't enough.

The sight of two men getting on their knees for you is something that certainly boosts your ego. Toji’s tongue begins to run through your folds while Shiu’s tongue goes directly to your clit. You bite down on your lip, holding back the soft moans that threaten to leave your lips as the men start off. They’re both looking up at you, watching your pretty face as pleasure slowly consumes you– It’s not too much now, but Shiu stops lapping at your clit and he smiles at you.

“Open your mouth, baby.” Shiu says, which you do, and he shoves his fingers in. Your tongue swirls around them, and when he thinks they’re wet enough, he inserts both fingers into your cunt. You moan, his thick fingers filling you up. He slowly moves them in and out of you, “Oh, you’re so pretty… You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? You were thinking about doing this, right?”

You bite down your lip and you shake your head. You can’t let your husband know that you have been thinking about this… More about Toji than him, but you certainly don’t mind having both. Shiu scissors his fingers, and he watches you shut your eyes.

You throw your head back and finally moan. You feel a second tongue on your cunt again, and when you look back at them, you watch as Shiu’s tongue presses against Toji’s to take over. Toji doesn’t want to stop but Shiu is too overbearing and Toji stops. Toji gets a different idea, his eyes landing on your juicy lips.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so pretty.” Toji gets up from the floor and takes a seat beside you. He grabs your throat again, his lips landing on yours again, and your hand goes to his pants. You unbutton his pants and move your hand into his boxers, your hand wrapping around his cock. Shiu watches you, so focused on how your tongue swirls around Toji’s and it’s turning him on more than he’d like. You’re moaning into the kiss, and Toji loves the vibrations that it sends– Although that’s the last thing he notices while your hand lazily strokes his cock.

Toji’s free hand goes to your back and unhooks your bra. He pulls away from the kiss and slides off your bra. Toji kisses down your neck and his mouth then lands on your nipple. He begins to suck on your nipple while you take your hand out to spit on it before your hand goes back to stroking his cock.

Your moans roam freely into the air, Shiu’s tongue working just right, and so are his fingers. His fingers are curved just right, and they brush against your sweet spot; it makes you glad that he’s the one that’s fingering you instead of Toji because Shiu just knows every inch of your body. Your orgasm is building up, and you get louder by the second.

You look down at your husband who is looking back up at you. He’s watching every contort in your face, something that’s enough to make him soil his pants. You shut your eyes again, and he knows how close you are to finishing. It’s just all too much for you. Not only Shiu, but Toji moaning against your tit as you stroke his cock. Shiu absolutely hates how you’re moaning Toji’s name though– It drives Shiu absolutely insane.

“Fuck, Shiu!” You finally moan his name as you reach your orgasm, and when Toji hears Shiu’s name, he bites down on your nipple. Shiu takes his fingers out and stops playing with your clit, standing up from the floor. Toji also stops sucking on your breast, and you take your hand out of his boxers. Shiu unbuttons his pants, taking them off along with his boxers.

“You pick what you want to do with her, Toji.” Shiu says, completely ignoring what you’d like. Shiu knows you, you’d be fine with anything as long as you get fucked. Toji licks his lips as he looks you up and down before he stands up.

“Bend over.” Toji orders, and you do as he says. He spanks your ass before he pulls down his pants and strokes his cock a couple of times before his tip runs through your folds. He inserts his cock slowly, and you immediately feel how much thicker he is compared to your husband– And he’s longer too.

Toji has to bite his mouth to not make a sound as he feels your pussy wrap around him. You feel so fucking good around him, even better than he imagined. He’s always thought about you like this– He just didn’t expect it to feel so fucking good.

“Fuck– Gimme a minute, Toji.” You say, needing a minute to get adjusted to him. You nearly forget about your husband, until his body is right in front of you. He grabs a handful of your hair and forces you to look up at his face.

“I hope my pretty little wife hasn’t forgotten about me.” Shiu comments, and you’re too focused on Toji to properly take care of your husband. Your hand wraps around his cock and you begin to stroke his cock.

“After this, she’ll completely forget about you.” Toji jokes. He begins to move, and your hands hold on to Shiu’s thighs for balance. Shiu takes advantage of your open mouth to shove his cock inside it. Your moans are completely muffled with your mouth wrapped around your husband’s cock.

Both men are moving their hips to gain pleasure from you. Toji’s nails are digging into your hips while your nails are digging into Shiu’s thighs. Toji hears as you gag on Shiu’s cock, and he chuckles before he mutters, “You didn’t tell me your wife is such a good little slut.”

“Shut up. I don’t want to listen to you.” Shiu says. Drool is running down your chin as you gag on your husband’s dick. He thrusts it in and out of you, being less gentle than he usually is. You can’t complain though, you like this side of him– You’re not so focused on him but rather the cock that fills up your cunt.

Toji’s dick hits every right spot, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. Right now you’re so grateful that your husband came up with this. You hear Shiu moan, “Fuck– What a good little mouth… Maybe I should fuck it more often.”

“Doubt it’s as good as this.” Toji responds, picking up speed with each thrust. He’s getting harsher with each thrust and you fucking love it. You’re moaning on Shiu’s cock, and it’s driving the man wild. Toji praises you, “You’re taking it like a good little slut.”

“Oh, she’s a good little slut.” Shiu replies. Oh, they’d love to hear your response to this, but your mouth is just so full. Tears run down your eyes, the makeup on your face completely fucked up. “My good little slut.”

One of Toji’s hands goes under to play with your clit, even though through penetration alone he could make you come. Your orgasm doesn’t take too long to build up. Your walls are tightening around Toji’s cock, and he’s groaning at the feeling.

“Fuck… Shit…” Shiu begins, his breathing getting heavy as his release approaches. Your mouth feels so great when it’s wrapped around his cock. It’s so good that the slight jealousy that he felt at the beginning, thinking about Toji feeling your tight pussy, is completely gone. You’re looking up at your husband, watching how his head is thrown back and he’s getting lost in the feeling.

You feel his cum hit the back of your throat, and you attempt your best to swallow every drop before it spills out of your mouth and down his cock/the floor. Just as Shiu pulls his cock out, your orgasm takes over you. Your nails dig into Shiu’s thighs even stronger, drawing blood from his flesh as you try to maintain your balance.

Toji looks at how your juices coat his cock, hearing the lewd sound that results from him thrusting in and out of you, and it drives him insane. He’ll be thinking about this for months. He’s so close to finishing, and his thrusts become sloppy– Should he pull out or…?

His thinking gets too cloudy. Before he can even decide if he wants to pull out, he ends up finishing inside of you. Once every drop of his cum is inside of you, he pulls out.

“Sorry man, I meant to pull out.” Toji says, pushing his cum back inside you.

“It’s alright man, pull out next time.”

Next time?

[dabis-azure-songbird]

I want NSFW and SFW as well thank you in advance :) 💕

Of course of course, dear~ My pleasure as always. I apologize that this took me so long. >.< I've been having trouble balancing my time with how exhausted I am from work lately. I want to do all kinds of things, but just feel too drained to do them. Anyways~ Your request, FINALLY. Du-du-du-dun~! I hope it was worth the wait QWQ I'm so sorry.

Pairing: Dabi x Shigaraki's Younger Sister! Reader

Warning: SFW and NSFW, there will be a warning for the NSFW headcanons.

SFW Headcanons

Let's be honest, your brother probably thinks that Dabi is doing this to mess with him or irritate him at first. Or as some kind of a sick joke. And Shigaraki is not having that. Shigs and Dabs don't always get along, after all.

Like "Are you serious, Dabi? You better back off."

(Shigaraki would definitely be protective of you, for sure.)

Dabi will definitely use you to poke fun at him and tease him; however, he's actually very serious when it comes to you.

It's when Shigaraki sees and finally realizes that, that he actually relaxes quite a bit.

A "Well-if-you're-actually-serious" type of moment.

Shigaraki is still definitely protective, but now that he's relaxed and more accepting of the relationship, it tends to turn into "Ok, but if you EVER hurt her, I"m going to decay your face worse than it already is."

Dabi's teasing tends to turn more into "Oh, Shigaraki, your sister is a much better hugger than you."

Cue another fun way to irritate Shigaraki in Dabi's book.

Honestly, Shigaraki is confused about whether to hurt Dabi for touching you or hurt Dabi just because he's annoying him as always.

When he sees you smile at Dabi and how your eyes light up and the way you two interact with each other though, that's quickly forgotten and he can't help but smile a bit too.

NSFW STARTS BELOW~ YEEHAW

NSFW Headcanons

Embarrasses the hell out of Shigs.

Do NOT let him catch you and Dabi on the couch or in some weird situation.

Poor Shigs is unsure whether or not to be entirely grossed out or whether he's going to beat Dabi's ass because "HOW DARE HE TOUCH YOU THAT WAY!"

If he hears you together that's different, and also absolutely hilarious.

Personally, I can just imagine Shigs with his hands over his ears and completely red in the face like "god, make it stop!" or "lalallaalla!" like school-grade children do.

Dabi though doesn't give a single fuck about whether Shigaraki hears or not, as long as he's making you feel good and you're hollering it to the world.

Whether it's with his tongue, mouth, or riding on him. ;)

Will growl and throw a pillow at Shigs if he interrupts.

Dabi will also throw a fit if Shigaraki comes in while you're snuggled asleep in his arms.

Like "Crusty, if you don't get the fuck out of here!"

Shigaraki uses this opportunity to terrorize both of you however though.

"So when's my little niece/nephew arriving?"

Genuinely flusters and flabbergasts Dabi.

[mx-mongoose]

I’m gonna go on a rant because i’m still so salty about a past hyperfixation that was at its peak almost three ago and of course this is about Camp Camp.  I have no desire to rewatch this series ever.  There’s a lot of problamatic elements in the show (As well as the fandom, like dear christ these are literal ten year olds, you freaks of nature) that make me iffy and I do not care about Max & David enough to care anymore (I swear to god, I love found family but dude the fandom oversaturated Dadvid where there was literally nothing else).  So I have no reason to be salty this much about this but I feel like I need to get this out there.

THE SHOW DID NOT UTILIZE HARRISON ENOUGH.  But not just that, they literally throw away any chance of this boy finding happiness or getting any positive development.  But in that, THEY ALSO FUCKED OVER NERRIS IN THE PROCESS. (warning this post may not be conherant)

I’ll primarily talk about Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak, the Camp Corp arc and then the bullshit that is season 4.  

Before Sleepy Peak Peak, the first appearance we got of Nerris and Harrison’s dynamic was in the first episode where Nerris was beating Harrison up with a foam sword and throwing dice at him.  The other time was the time with the Camp Cool Kidz episode where they work together as security, seeming to get along until they fall into a trap and telling him he sucks. 

 In other episodes though they seem to be on friendlier terms.  

Like in Mind Freakers, we see Nerris happily watch Harrison preform magic with no sense of rivalry or in Romeo and Juliet ll we see them sit next to each-other when watching Preston’s play (As well as Nerris happily watching him do magic).  Which comes off as confusing since its only been seen that they hate each other (At least Nerris did at first glance)

Then here comes Quest To Sleepy Peak Peak.  

This episode is the only one in the series in which it focuses on their dynamic (at least explicitly).  The episode is about Nerris, Harrison, Nikki and Neil playing a game about stopping the “dark forces” within the mountain.  Nerris and Harrison bicker the whole time until the very end where Harrison brings up the possibility that the dark forces were within them the entire time and Nerris goes along with it, and then they try to save the day by putting aside their differences.  Reminder that this is an imaginary game.  Harrison could’ve left at any time, Nerris could’ve just kicked him out and not include him if they really didn’t want him around.  There’s also the fact where Harrison didn’t have to try and make up with Nerris through the game’s storyline.  They don’t hate each-other at all, hell it could be argued they’re on friendly terms and they’re just playful rivals. (who sometimes take it to far)

And from that point foward (Plus even before) they’re seen together and interacting with each other ALL THE TIME.  When they’re not together, its usually with episodes about one of their other dynamics besides each-other.  (Harrison & Neil, Nerris & Ered, Harrison & QuarterMaster, Nerris & Nikki).  I am not joking, there is a full seven minute compilation on youtube of them just being together and interacting (Some of them being the two playing together, talking and of course teasing each other) and in all of them they never came off as if they actively hated each other.  

I feel like I should mention The Lake Lilac Summer Dance, where its hinted at Nerris and Harrison wanted to dance together but were to swept up in their rivalry to do anything or in the egg episode where they’re paired up as parents for their egg (Although it went very badly just from them being kids really)  I’m not gonna touch on the Nerrison side of things, this post is primarily about their friendship alone.  You can interpet them however you like, more power to you.  But teaspoon of salt, NERRISON SHIPPERS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRAW OR WRITE NERRIS AND HARRISON.  Half the Nerrison art i’v seen over the past few years has Nerris fucking whitewashed (Lighter skin, straight hair, etc).  The fanfic writers write them as the most cisheteronormative couple ever, even though Nerris is canonically nonbinary.  But then for both the writers and artists, they sexualize them so damn much its gross.  Okay i’m done with that-

But then interactions became sour in the Camp Corp arc for unknown reasons.  Like refusing to talk to each other, Nerris being shown to be annoyed with Harrison just talking. (It is agrued here and there that Harrison mentioning his parents is what annoyed Nerris because they don’t like his parents.  Nerris knows what supportive and loving parents look like and Harrison’s parents are... not that.  But I digress either way)

In the episode where the camp gets shut down, Nikki asks if they’re going to split up.  Even though before they seemed to not want anything to do with the other (Even being enthusiastic about meeting magic kids like them, but also looking a bit betrayed as well that the other would rather be with “real” magic kids),

 but when Nikki brings that possibility up they immediatly look to each other worried.  These aren’t just random characters, the show (albeit rather silently mostly) has built their dynamic up until this point, so this is pivotal.  

When Max went to pick up Harrison, Harrison mentions that “All we do is pull rabbits out of our hats.  All. Day. Long.” like he was tired of the repititon and everyone being the same.  Of course this applys to Harrison missing the camp as a whole, but this also might be directed towards Nerris specifically because of what the show has built up until now.  He misses having that compititon with Nerris, proving who was “the true magic kid” and somewhat embracing each other’s differences.  But now that everyone was the same and does the same thing, he’s bored without them.

After Harrison, it immediatly cuts to Nerris.  Who looks bored of their mind, even though they were vocally excited about meeting other magic kids like them.  But Nerris is alone and rolling dice on the ground.  They were finally around people like them but Nerris is more unhappy then they were back at camp where Nerris was with a kid who didn’t even study the same magic as them but were constantly lumped together. But at least they were together.

It should be noted that Harrison’s Magic Camp uniform was blue and Nerris’s Magic Camp uniform was red... Just putting that out there.

It then cuts to Nerris boarding the bus after setting their camp on fire, they go up to Harrison.  They share a bitter look at each other and then Harrison happily offers Nerris to sit next to him, then Nerris happily does.  Then all throughout the episode, they’re inseperable.  Ending on them having a water gun fight together with no bitterness towards the other.  Its actually quite beautiful in a way, especially since it was all show not tell.  They kept to their promise that they’ll put aside their differences for the greater good and that’s their friendship.

AND THEN SEASON 4 SHITS ALL OVER THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF THIS DAMN SHOW.  

APPARENTLY NERRIS JUST BULLIES HARRISON NOW AND HARRISON JUST SITS THERE LIKE A WET DOG WITH NONE OF HIS NORMAL COMEBACKS WHEN NERRIS IS TEASING OR ANTAGONIZING HIM.  Like in Sleepy Peak Peak, Harrison doesn’t just stand there and let Nerris make fun of him, like he makes of them too???

Also apparently the whole camp hates Harrison now for no fucking reason even though they’re supposed to be a family and THAT’S WHAT THE CAMP CORP ARC WAS ALL  ABOUT.   Anyway, Nerris just lets the camp bully Harrison for no reason and drive him out on their hike, leading to Harrison hanging with Quartermaster and going on about how much he’s an outcast and how he has no friends whatsoever.

NO FRIENDS WHATSOEVER 

A part of their dynamic that really shined was the fact they were both outcasts in camp and stuck together even with their differences and disagreements.  BUT NOPE, FUCK THAT, EVEN THOUGH NERRIS CONFIRMS THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE PASSIONATE IN MAGIC AND LARP IT GETS LONELY AND FEELS LIKE NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM, THAT EXCHANGE WAS WITH NIKKI (more understandable) AND THE HITLER JOKE (less understandable). Like don’t get me wrong, it was pretty cute and I love getting more character to Nerris.  BUT Y’KNOW WHERE THAT EXCHANGE SHOULD’VE BEEN IN?!

IN HARRISON’S FUCKING EPISODE ALL ABOUT HIM FEELING LIKE AN OUTCAST.  

But since season 4 is to busy making Harrison miserable to flesh out his already existing friendships, they make Nerris this bully and it waters down that confession.  Nerris admitting their lonelyness would’ve been super powerful if it was with Harrison since we’re already familiar with their dynamic and would’ve been character development for both of them since Camp Corp. But nope.

This was longer then I wanted it to be.

[navxry]

*breaks down door*

🎤🌟💞 for the selfship ask? <3

🎤: Describe your f/o's voice

Oh dear God Mei I. I'm going to hold your shoulders I am LOSING IT—

Ahem.

Genshin Harem™

Albedo's voice is that cheeky yet suave tone from the KR voice actor, and I'll die on that hill. He sounds so, so nice and sometimes I just sit here and mutter "fuck me" when he tells me that I'm distracted with that smug ass smile of his (I hate it because it's true and it's cause of his damn voice >:( smh)

Kazuha's... Man, I keep hearing him humming and. And the voice. Oh dear God. It is so, so soft— soft but at the same time it's hard to not... Lose focus on him. It's extremely hard to explain, but much like Albedo, I sometimes get so distracted listening to him. HOWEVER, the smartass ends up kissing me on the forehead to bring me back and it. It works. I'm down HORRENDOUS for him and it shows. (JP VA)

Heizou's is that cheeky ass of a voice which honestly sounds like he's ALWAYS teasing. Sometimes I just. Hold my head. And question why I love him... And then he pulls the most ROMANTIC of all things and I just fall for him all over again. I swear he has me wrapped around on his finger and he KNOWS it. (His is the ENG VA because it fits him so well and I'm convinced it does, esp when he says that dreamy line like HELLO?)

Venti is... Tough. Sometimes I hear him speak like a cheeky bard, always spelling trouble for me, but sometimes he's that wise Anemo archon we all know and respect. With me, it sounds like the wind always whispering by my ear, and it helps a lot when I feel like I'm lost and unable to focus. I don't know how he does it, though, but... It's nice. Oh, and his singing is really good— 10/10 would listen to it when he sings at night and it's a lullaby. (JP VA)

Kunimitsu, the Wanderer that I know, has a surprisingly nice voice. He may be a little shit sometimes, and I wonder HOW I tolerate him, but when he starts speaking in such a tone that is outright taunting me... Yeah, he makes me annoyed. I will say, though; I'm confused with where we are standing considering he doesn't exist.

Pantalone... I mean, blame Ansy for me questioning if I actually like him, but he gives me baritone voice vibes. Although, when I push him too far... His voice reaches to that point where it sounds so haunting but it's alluring in a way? And I end up going ". Oh. Oh we're doing this now." (although that's before I bolted from him cause fuck you sir I'm not staying around BAHAHAHAHAHA)

Alhaitham is a straight baritone. No questions asked. He sounds like a college professor, and I'm not sure why, but it makes sense. Also, he makes a good storyteller and he makes me fall asleep when he speaks every time. (JP/ENG VA)

Twisted Wonderland Bois™

Riddle's voice... Oh dear God his voice. His voice has me in SUCH a chokehold. There is something about the little man that Kunimitsu lacked and Albedo and Heizou shared with him, and it's the smugness I get from him. Although he and I didn't get on the right foot when we first met, he still has me in his hands because his voice is the right mix of smug bastard energy and sweetness— it reminds me of those tarts he enjoyed eating so much. He also said something to me about drinking tea and how certain teas are bitter, which reflects him very well. Just don't tell him I said that, though.

Azul's voice is the same as Heizou's but more suave and I will die on that hill. When he's singing? I am deceased. Ceased to exist, actually. But all jokes aside, he sounds so much like a slimy asshole but when he SINGS? It is a whole another level. I sometimes ask him why he doesn't do it and he just shoots it back at me, and I want to rattle the tako for it. Asshole.

Lilia... Yeah, his is really surprising for his appearance. He looks young physically, but I swear to the Gods above, his voice catches me off guard EVERY TIME. He always greets me by giving me heart attacks, but sometimes, I find myself enjoying him speak a lot about his past. He has the perfect voice to narrate a tale, but he usually reserves it with me, and it sometimes reminds me of Albedo. It's weird, but eh— my lovers are all similar in their tastes.

IdentityV Gang™

Azrael is... Strange. Sometimes when I hear him speak, he has this voice that echoes. It's hard to put it to words when I swear he speaks like he's in a cave. But sometimes, the angel loves trolling me and gives me a scare by sounding so real. I guess it's more of the fact he knows what makes me tick and what gives me a scare, but I still love him. Begrudgingly (/j)

Man In Red (Crimson) has a baritone voice. It sounds really nice to listen to, but he often speaks to me for various reasons— one being to join his cult because he saw me as a good follower, and another because he saw me as his darling song bird. It's... Quite interesting.

Guillotine Twins (Xie and Fan) are SO cheeky. They sound the same but Xie has the smoother tone/voice when he speaks, and sometimes he hums songs to me when I'm tired or nonverbal. Fan has the "growl" in his voice, but sometimes it sounds like he's doing it on purpose to have me flustered. (Spoilers: it works every damn time)

🌟: Who's the tease in the relationship?

The menace:

Venti, Albedo, Heizou, Pantalone (GI)

Azul, Lilia (TWST)

Guillotine! Fan, Crimson (IDV)

The target:

Kazuha, Venti (sometimes) (GI)

Riddle (TWST)

Guillotine! Xie (when he's feeling cheeky), Azrael

Both:

Alhaitham, Albedo (most of the time), Heizou (mostly the former), Kunimitsu (GI)

Lilia (TWST)

Guillotine Xie and Fan, Azrael (less on the menace side 💞), Crimson (the biggest menace of society) (IDV)

💞: How do you both express affection?

Quality Time:

Riddle, Lilia (TWST)

Kazuha, Venti, Albedo, Alhaitham (GI)

Azrael (IDV)

Words of Affirmation:

Azul (TWST)

Pantalone, Kazuha (GI)

Guillotine! Xie, Crimson (IDV)

Acts of Service:

Lilia, Azul, Riddle (TWST)

Albedo, Heizou, Kunimitsu (GI)

Guillotine Twins, Azrael (IDV)

Physical touch:

Azul, Lilia (TWST)

Heizou, Kunimitsu, Pantalone (surprisingly), Alhaitham (when he's needy), Venti (GI)

Crimson, Guillotine! Fan (IDV)

Gift giving:

Azul, Riddle (TWST)

Pantalone, Kunimitsu (rarely), Alhaitham, Albedo, Venti (GI)

Guillotine! Twins, Crimson (IDV)

[kitzenvoncatzen]

I play it off as if I was actually calling for this specific deity.

"Huh. I didn't expect that to work."

I think I recognize the voice too... No, no, it's slightly different, but it does sound remarkably similar to Voice From Song I Listened To #6. Or something.

"Why have you summoned me?" Despite me not really being able to see a smile or laughter on a deer face, the tone of the words implied it was amused by this.

So I don't actually have a reason for calling to any god. I shouted it because I STUBBED MY TOE ON A ROOT FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN A ROW. Previously I had just been saying 'Fuck' more and more angrily. I was planning on going on a whole monologue into the void, starting with 'Dear God!' but this event, naturally, stopped me in my tracks.

My foot hurts.

So. Two options. 1 : 'I forgot.' Not a good idea. 2 : Make something up. I'm not gonna be able to do that either. Probably. It has a chance of working. I'm gonna take the chance.

"Um." My speech ended there. I think I started blushing then, if I wasn't before.

It looked at me. Well it was looking at me before too, but now it was harder.

Oh my god I need more time to think. I can't say I'm lost because I'm literally standing on the trail. I can kinda see the parking lot from here.

WAIT.

CAN IT READ MY THOUGHTS? IT'S A GOD... MAYBE?

"Knock knock!" I say, panicked. Wait again. This joke might fundamentally fail because deer don't use doors. Oh god.

"Who's there?" It says, slightly amused again.

"Um, uh. Boo."

"Boo who?"

I genuinely feel like crying now. It would be a really good punchline if I did just start crying, but it might also make the GOD feel bad. Maybe.

I might be hyperventilating.

"stop crying its just a joke" I try my hardest to deliver the line without dying and it ends up just sounding monotone.

The deer god, however, does not think it is boring, and starts laughing. A lot. Maybe this was its first time hearing a joke... Which would make sense, but it knew what a knock knock joke was? I don't question it, instead I sit down on the ground. I recite more jokes from my memory and some from a stand up show I had seen recently.

The deer god loves them. I only had to explain 2 of them.

But it was dark now, so I said goodbye and left.

I think I'll be back.

I also trip on my way back to the parking lot because I did, actually, break one of my toes. This will not stop me from visiting the deer god though.

[

Well. That totally makes sense.

]

“Dear God!” You shout in the forest because you hit your foot on a root. Then a giant majestic white deer with impressive antlers appears of nowhere and says, “Yes, mortal?”