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tightjeansjavi · 9 months ago

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The Rite of Movement | part five

“something I’m not, but something I can be”

A/N: big disclaimer for this chapter: I do not know if this is actually how the porn industry functions. And while Brazzers is a real porn site, I don’t have any knowledge of how they run things on their site. For the sake of fiction, and the storyline, I wrote Joel’s era in Brazzers as a very very toxic work environment. Please heed the warnings. This takes place pre-miller-co. Joel and baby love have not met yet. Joel does however have a girlfriend during his time at Brazzers. Oh, and I listened to what was I made for on repeat while I wrote this 🥺 thank you to @itsokbbygrl for betaing and being my little cheerleader through this series 💗 and thank you to all my other friends for your endless support on my silly lil stories! (Y’all know who you are and how much I love you!)

~word count: 3.1k~

Summary: it’s Joel Miller’s 30th birthday. 30 years of existing, 12 years working for Brazzers, and what does he really have to show for his life outside of being a pornstar?

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: angst, implied smut, toxic work environment, implied workplace abuse, mentions of the porn industry, misogynistic comments/behavior towards women in the porn industry (not by Joel), feelings of body insecurity, shame, mentions of smoking, grief, resentment, language, mature themes, +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

Los Angeles, CA. September 26, 2009

An alarm clock blares on Joel’s nightstand, the shrill sound pierces his eardrums, sending his arm flying out from under the covers, smacking the top of the device, silencing it with a heavy groan rumbling up his chest.

6:00 a.m. the sun has barely just begun to peek over the mountains, the bustle of LA traffic, late-night goers returning home, early-morning risers preparing for another droning day.

The big 30: The age where you were expected to have your shit together. No more making foolish mistakes, no more job hopping, you should be married with kids and have a house with a white picket fence and drive a minivan. You should be invested in the stock market, your lawn should be properly trimmed, maybe you even make enough money to own a vacation home.

Joel hadn’t a fucking clue what he wanted out of life. He wasn’t married. He didn’t have any kids. He lived in an apartment with his brother Tommy, splitting the rent between their paychecks. LA never felt like home to him. He liked the palm trees and the beach. He hated LA traffic, smog, and that stupid Hollywood sign that alluded to a lifestyle that only the ‘chosen’ members of high society would get to indulge in.

City of Angels? Not even close.

30 years old, and feeling like he had nothing to show for his life outside of being a pornstar. A branding identity that shamed him more times than he was willing to admit. Is this all I’m good for?

Brazzers was the bane of his existence for 12 years, and yet every time he would try and put his foot down and quit, he was lured right back in. He loved sex just like anyone else. He loved the intimacy, the closeness, the connection to another human being. Above all, he loved making his partners feel good. To make them come, fall apart on his tongue, fingers, or his cock. To hear their pleasured cries, high-pitched real moans of his name.

It was euphoric for him, to make another person feel so good that they completely lose themselves in the moment, in the feeling of the rite of movement. He used to think that this was enough, that the act of sex and unbridled pleasure was all viewers would want to see. He thought he was enough.

But in the adult film industry, sex was never just enough.

He didn’t like being told how he should fuck.

Yank her hair harder.

Slap her around a little.

Squeeze her cheeks till she cries.

Choke her.

I want to see bruises on her ass, Joel.

Fuck her like you mean it, like you hate her. Like she’s your bitch. Your property.

Are we making a porno here or what? Don’t wipe her tears. That’s not what men want. They want to see a cunt being pounded. C’mon, Joel. This is supposed to be a male fantasy!

He learned how to dissociate and remove himself from the scene entirely. He worked on autopilot, tuning out the jarring voices that demanded more from him and his partner(s). And when the passion faded, he struggled to stay hard and on top of his game.

And even with the warm, wet mouth of a fluffer sucking his soft cock, he wasn’t turned on. Not in the slightest and he could feel the shame creeping up on his neck as the director barked at him to get his shit together.

“What do you mean you’re not able to get hard, Miller? You got a hot piece of ass under you, man! What the hell else do you want? Y’know, would it really hurt for you to be more like your brother?”

“She’s got a name, you know.” Joel bit back, grinding his jaw back and forth. The blatant disrespect that women faced on a day to day basis was downright disgusting.

“Oh for fuck’s sake. You make pornos, Joel! Or did you forget? Stop acting like a fucking sissy and do your goddamn job.”

“I need a minute,” he gruffed out and gently pushed the fluffer's mouth off of his cock. He strode past the director and the rest of the set crew and pulled his boxers on in a haste.

“Fine. You get 10 minutes, Miller. And when you get back, I expect you to be fucking ready, and hard.”

Joel didn’t respond as he shucked on his shorts and threw on his hoodie, grabbing his phone and pack of cigarettes to stuff in his pocket. He averted making eye contact with the director, shoulder checking him on his way out of the room.

10 minutes, Miller!

Fuck you is what Joel really wanted to say as he walked at a fast past towards the nearest exit in the long hallway.

The sun was blinding the moment he stepped outside into the back alley. He whipped his phone out, nervously pacing back and forth as he dialed Tommy’s number, listening to the dial tone ring and ring.

“Hey, you old fart! Feelin’ 30 yet?” Tommy said playfully.

“Yeah. I’m feelin’ 30 alright.” Joel grumbled, sinking back against the side of the building.

“What’s up? I know how much you hate your birthday, but why do you sound so��”

“I’m fuckin’ quitting, Tommy. I can’t do this shit anymore. I can’t fuckin’ do it. I’m about five seconds away from stormin’ back in there and beatin’ the living shit out of the director.” He snapped, carding his fingers through his hair, gripping the roots tightly. “I’m throwin’ the towel in, and I ain’t lookin’ back.”

“Woah, woah, woah! Hold on now, what the fuck happened? Are you sure you just want to—”

“Tommy.” Joel warned him, squeezing his eyes shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “Don’t start this with me, okay? I need to know if you’re with me on this because I sure as hell ain’t leavin’ you out here on your own.”

“I ain’t a kid anymore, Joel. If you want to quit for your own reasons, that’s fine, and I support you, but that doesn’t mean that—” he sighed deeply, weighing out his words in his head before he said, “of course I’m with you on this.”

“I’m not gonna force you to quit, Tommy. I jus’ don’t think this cesspool is fuckin’ good for either of us. Talked to a few others that were thinkin’ of quitting, but no one has pulled the trigger yet. We can do some amateur work till we find our footing again, and I want to move back home, Tommy. I want to move back to Texas. I fuckin’ hate this state. Everythin’ is too damn expensive.”

“I’ll follow you wherever you go, Joel. You know I will. But what about…Carmen and Sarah? You jus’ gonna pack your shit up and not tell her?”

Joel felt his heart twist and clench, knocking the air from his lungs because for the first time in his 30 years of life, his heart was going to be broken, and there was nothing he could do to prevent the inevitable from happening.

“She’s never gonna accept me for who I am and my job, Tommy. She resents it, I know she does. And Sarah will eventually resent me too. She’ll grow up and feel ashamed that her stepfather is a fuckin’ pornstar. They both deserve better than what I can offer them. It’s not like I can just start over and get a respectable job! What established company is gonna hire a guy who’s CV consists of a highschool diploma, a year of working construction jobs and 12 years in the adult film industry?”

Tommy felt his heart break for his brother, splitting right down the middle. “Joel…” he trailed off.

“Her friends treat me differently, and everytime I’ve brought up the potential of meeting her family, she changes the subject on me, Tommy. And you know what? I don’t blame her. Who the fuck would want to introduce their pornstar boyfriend to anyone, let alone her family? I jus’ figured I’d cut her losses sooner rather than later. And even if things were to work out, and I get a new job, a new life, am I just supposed to accept the knowledge of knowin’ that the entire time we have been together, she’s resented my job? Some things just aren’t meant to work out, and that’s fine. I’ll let her go and she’ll meet a nice, normal, man with a good stable job who doesn’t fuck for a living.”

Joel Miller. Paging, Joel. You’re needed on set. Hurry the fuck up—

“Fuckers.” Joel muttered under his breath as he rose to his feet. “I gotta go, okay? I’ll text you in a bit.”

“Wait, Joel,” Tommy started, trying to think of what he could possibly say to his brother that would make the situation better. “Everythin’ is gonna be okay. It’ll all work out in the end.”

“Yeah, sure.” He replied flatly. “I’ll see you.” he ended the call, shoving his phone back into his hoodie pocket and pushed open the exit door just as his name was called over the intercom again.

This time he was going to put his foot down for good. He wasn’t going to be lured back in. He was done. His mind was made up and there would be no turning back.

“Fucking finally. I said 10 minutes, Miller. You’re lucky I even gave you that.” The director scoffed and snapped his fingers at the fluffer to do her job.

Joel stopped her with a gentle hand along her shoulder before he made direct eye contact with the director. “That won’t be necessary.”

“What the fuck do you mean that won’t be necessary? We were supposed to be wrapped up with this shit already. I have a freshie to introduce to you afterwards, so if we can just get a move on—”

“I said, that won’t be necessary.” Joel calmly reiterated as he grabbed his bag from the floor and slung it over his shoulder.

“Boy, you better fucking start talking. What do you mean that won’t be necessary?!”

“It means that I quit. And I hope that freshie and every other woman here fuckin’ quits while they still have the chance.”

The atmosphere in the brightly lit room immediately shifted and the tension was palpable. Joel’s onscreen partner was shocked, the fluffer was shocked along with the rest of the film crew.

“You have gotta fucking joking me right now.” The director laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You got some fucking nerve, Miller.”

Joel shrugged, glancing around the room before he turned towards the door, grasping the handle in his palm and pushed it open. He paused, looking over his shoulder, giving his onscreen partner a small, reassuring nod, “oh, and just a little word of advice? If you want sex to sell, and for Brazzers to not tank like the fuckin’ stock market, start by treatin’ women in the industry with respect. Jus’ a little food for thought. Pass that onto the CEO, and then tell him to shove it right up his ass.”

He walked out after that, listening to the director holler his name and something along the lines of, you’ll be back. They always fucking come back!

And on his way out, his shoulder gently made contact with another body rushing up the stairwell. “‘S’cuse me.” He rasped.

You didn’t get a look at the stranger's face on your way up. You were too focused on the fact that you were running late, and couldn’t afford to be potentially fired.

He didn’t get a look at your face either.

Joel opted to be alone for the rest of the day, sitting on the hood of his car, smoking through an entire pack of cigarettes while he watched the clouds roll by, and tourists stop to take pictures of the infamous Hollywood sign. He thought about his life up until this point.

30 years on this shithole we call earth. 12 years spent in the adult film industry, and never had he felt so lost and alone. Hours away from ending his first ever long term relationship and leaving the past behind.

Fuck 30. He thought to himself.

The inevitable settled into his bones as the sun slowly began to set behind the mountains, creating stunning hues of pink, oranges and purples in the sky. His phone buzzed on the exterior of the hood of his car, tearing him away from his thoughts when Carmen’s name popped up on the screen.

Hey, birthday boy. Are we still on for Thai food tonight? x.

Hey, baby. Yeah, of course. Can’t wait to see you.

5 missed calls from Tommy

10 messages from Tommy.

What happened to fucking calling me later, Joel?!

Why is your phone going straight to voicemail!

Can you just let me know that you’re okay?!

Joel.

Dude.

Pick up your phone!

And you call me the bad texter?!

This isn’t funny.

I didn’t sign up for the silent treatment!

If you’re dead in a ditch somewhere I’m gonna fucking kill you!!

He typed out a quick message to his brother informing him that he was in fact still alive and that he would be home soon.

What he wasn’t expecting was Carmen and Tommy to host a surprise birthday dinner at his apartment. He wasn’t mad at his brother for not giving him a heads up, and it wasn’t like Tommy could tell Carmen a simple, hey, by the way, my brother is going to break up with you and he wants to move back to Texas!

But all Joel could feel now when she pressed her lips to his in a sweet kiss, and planted a silly little party hat on his head, was guilt. An overwhelming tidal wave of guilt and shame for what he was going to do. And throughout the evening his guilt began to fester like an untreated wound. Bubbling pus leaked from his heartstrings like a broken faucet when he opened his unexpected present from Carmen.

It was a pocket wrist watch with an olive green strap that fit his wrist perfectly.

“You’re always misplacing your phone, so I figured that this would help you tell the time better? I know it isn’t much—”

He interjected softly, looking over at her with a small smile tugging on his lips, “It’s perfect. Thank you.” I’m so sorry.

And when Tommy stepped outside for a smoke and to give Joel and Carmen a bit of privacy, the energy shifted and Joel could feel the thread between them being pulled tight, threatening to snap at any given moment.

“Joel, is everything okay? You’ve hardly said a word to me tonight.”

And instead of responding, he got up from the couch in a haste, trying to keep his nerves at bay, but truthfully? He was panicking and it was written all over his face. “I’m fine, Carm. I jus’—I need some air.” He walked the short distance to the little balcony, pulling the door open as he stepped outside into the cooling night air.

Lights shimmered in the distance, palm trees swayed from a breeze off the coast. 30 years old and he felt like the biggest fucking asshole on the planet. Can I fix this? Can I make it work?

He stared down at the watch on his wrist, the tiny spokes ticking away as he rested his forearms along the paint chipped railing, listening to the soft squeak of the sliding door being pulled open as the blood rushed in his ears.

He tapped his foot nervously, jaw ticking under the fading light at the realization that there was no turning back.

“Do you love me?” He suddenly spoke, teeth grinding down on the inside of his cheek, the taste of copper bursting on his tongue. A reminder come morning when he would awake to the same soreness in his mouth that he feels in his heart.

“Joel…” she trailed off, standing alongside him, rubbing her arm as a self-soothing gesture.

“Do you love me…unconditionally?” His question hung heavy in the air, and when she didn’t immediately answer, tears began to prick the corner of his eyes, stinging and blurring his vision.

“Baby, please…why are—”

“Please don’t call me that right now, Carmen. Please.” he sniffled, staring back out over the railing at the shimmering mirage of Los Angeles. “If you did love me unconditionally, you would have answered me right away. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I jus’—I know you resent me for being a pornstar. I’ve known about it for a while,” he said softly, feeling a tear rolling down along the side of his nose and drip down over his lips. His dewy eyed gaze met hers briefly, before he looked away. “And I also know that you would never ask me to quit, but you and I both know that’s what you want from me.”

There was no point in trying to deny it any longer. There was no bad blood, no bitterness. Just two adults facing the reality that is life. And sometimes…relationships don’t work out. The passion fades and resentment rears its ugly head.

“And no matter how many times I have tried to earnestly explain to you why I chose this career path, you will never understand. And I would never try to force you to. But it’s not fair to you, myself, or Sarah to continue this relationship when you will never accept me for who I am, Carmen.”

“You’re right, Joel.” She said quietly, her own tears beginning to brew along her waterline. “I’m so sorry.”

He swallowed the lump growing in his throat and the sob threatening to leave his lips, “I am too.”

There isn’t much left to say as they hug for the last time. She wishes him well in life and he does the same. There’s a new ache in his chest at the thought of him no longer being involved in Sarah’s life anymore. But he believes she’ll be better off without him, too.

And when she leaves his apartment for the last time, taking almost 3 years of memories along with her as the front door clicks shut, and her echoing footsteps down the hall become softer and softer, he lets out the sob he had been suppressing, sinking down to his knees in defeat.

Tears stream down his cheeks as a car horn blares below on the street.

Fuck you, asshole! Get out of the road! The owner of a sleek BMW yells with the window rolled down to a teenager crossing the street on his bike.

30 years old and heartbroken. So much for having his shit together.

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onlydylanobrien · 4 years ago

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Dylan O'Brien - NME Magazine Interview

Dylan O’Brien: “I was in this transitional phase – close to a quarter-life crisis”

From YA heartthrob to legitimate leading man – how the 'Maze Runner' star hit his stride after a whirlwind decade

Definitely!” hoots Dylan O’Brien when NME asks if he still has to audition. “I’m not Tom fucking Hanks, bro.” He’s clearly amused by our question, but forgive us for thinking the 29-year-old actor gets cast on reputation alone. A decade into his career, and he’s making an impressive transition from teen TV star and YA franchise hero to charismatic leading man.

New York-born O’Brien cut his teeth on MTV’s hit Teen Wolf series, before landing the lead in the Maze Runner film trilogy based on James Dashner’s hugely popular novels. Leading a band of bright young things that included ex-Skins tearaway Kaya Scodelario, Game Of Thrones’ Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Will Poulter, he honed his craft while racking up nearly a billion dollars at the box office. “My career is a constant acting class,” says O’Brien. “To be able to do the Maze Runner movies simultaneously with Teen Wolf was amazing in terms of getting in reps and working my [acting] muscle.”

Now for the sometimes tricky bit. Many actors struggle with the post-breakout period, but O’Brien is making it look easy so far. This year’s Netflix hit Love and Monsters proved he can carry an old-school family adventure, and new film Flashback (out next week) reveals an appetite for weirder, more cerebral work. He stars as Fred Fitzell, a young man reluctant to buckle down to life as a nine-to-fiver with a boring corporate job and a long-term girlfriend (Mindhunter‘s Hannah Gross). When he runs into a freaky-looking acquaintance from his teenage years, Fred becomes obsessed with finding an old high-school friend he used to drop a mind-bending experimental drug called Mercury with. It’s difficult to say any more without entering spoiler territory, but Flashback is a wild ride underpinned by the idea that we can exist in several realities at once. Even if you follow every plot twist, you might not fully understand the end. “Oh, it’s definitely a headfuck,” O’Brien agrees. “There’s not totally an answer to figure out. There’s a lot of different things that people can take from it.”

Speaking over Zoom from his LA home, O’Brien is bright, thoughtful and really good fun to talk to, especially when he relaxes into the interview, but he clearly knows where his line between public and private lies. When he first read the Flashback script, written by the film’s director Christopher MacBride, his “mind was blown” by just how much he related to Fred. “I felt like I was in this transitional phase of my life that was, you know, sort of close to a quarter-life crisis type thing,” he says. “For whatever reason, it was like me and this script were meant to be. I remember reading it and thinking: ‘I am this guy right now.'”

“There were a lot of things in my personal life that were neglected for a while”

When we ask why O’Brien felt as though he had reached a “transitional phase”, he gives an answer that’s vague but not exactly evasive. For understandable reasons, he doesn’t mention the incredibly traumatic motorcycle accident he sustained while shooting the final Maze Runner film in March 2016. O’Brien suffered severe trauma to the brain and said in 2017 that he underwent extensive facial reconstructive surgery after the accident “broke most of the right side of my face”. Tellingly, he’s never really revealed what happened on set or how it affected him.

Today, O’Brien dances around the details of the accident and other issues he was dealing with at the time, but doesn’t shy away from discussing his inner conflict. “You know, it was a lot of personal things combined with at-a-point-in-my-career things,” he says after a brief pause. He says he’d have been going through some of this stuff anyway, simply because of his age, but it sounds as though success intensified it all. “It was like this whole fucking storm of shit,” he continues. “I was simultaneously so fulfilled and happy about these, like, otherworldly and surreal things that I had experienced in terms of where my career had brought me. I had all this confidence and fulfilment and beautiful people [in my life] – such amazing things to experience at a young age. But at the same time, there were a lot of things in my personal life that were unchecked and sort of neglected for a while.”

O’Brien says that in time, he realised he had to “stop for a second” and “re-explore how I wanted my life to look going forward”. In fairness, you can see why he needed a breather: his career took off while he was still a teenager. After his family moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles County when he was 12, O’Brien contemplated a career as a sports broadcaster – his Twitter bio still bills him as a “no longer suffering Mets fan” – then began posting YouTube videos as moviekidd826. A funny, slickly edited skit titled ‘How to Prepare for the SAT in 45 seconds’, shared when he was just 17, shows he was a born performer and storyteller. YouTube success led to him getting a manager, but his breakthrough role in Teen Wolf still came out of the blue. At the time, he was treading water at a local community college and taking auditions on the side.

Still, he has since taken a rather fatalistic view of this career-making moment. “It’s totally weird because, when I think about it now, I don’t see how it could have happened any other way. I can’t picture myself doing anything else now,” he told Collider in 2011. “It was really sudden and a little random, and not provoked by anything. It was just out of nowhere. It wasn’t my intentional doing.” Today, O’Brien summarises his skyscraper career trajectory succinctly. “I guess I just graduated high school and started acting,” he says. “And then I felt like I was just flying by the seat of my pants and never got a chance to stop.” Thankfully, straight-out-the-blocks Hollywood success hasn’t taken away his sense of perspective. When I say how easy social media makes it to compare yourself unfavourably to others, O’Brien jumps in: “Yeah, that’s very true. I was watching the Billie Eilish doc the other day, and I was like, I’ve done nothing. I’m not an artist at all!”

“No one thought ‘Love and Monsters’ was going to be good!”

O’Brien is also self-deprecating when he talks about being cast in Flashback, suggesting it happened because he had such an intense connection with Fred. “I was honestly like, ‘Who is watching me right now?’ That is the best way I can describe how I was feeling when I came across this script,” he says. “Chris [MacBride, director] and I had this conversation that went so well in terms of [my] understanding this script that I think he’d sent around a lot and [that] very commonly wasn’t understood. I think Chris has even said that the night before shooting, he suddenly had this thought, like, ‘Wait, do I even think he’s a good actor?'”

Though O’Brien has firmly ring-fenced elements of his private life, he’s actually pretty frank about his acting vehicles. He readily admits he was expecting a snobbish response to Love and Monsters, a CGI-heavy hybrid of post-apocalyptic action and romcom that dropped on Netflix in April and topped the streamer’s daily most-watched list. “It means so much that Love and Monsters has gotten the response that it’s gotten,” O’Brien says. “No one thought this movie was going to be good.” His blunt honesty makes me laugh out loud. “No one did though!” he says in response. “And so, fuck that. You know, most of the people who say something to me about the movie, they’re like: ‘I watched Love and Monsters, and it was… good?’ And honestly, that just cracks me up.” For obvious reasons, we hastily decide not to share our response to the film – namely, that it was a whole lot better than expected.

In Love and Monsters, O’Brien plays Joel, a survivor of a so-called “monsterpocalypse” that has bumped humans to the bottom of the food chain. Though he’s known in his colony as a bit of a coward, Joel sets off on a treacherous 80-mile journey to find his high school sweetheart Aimee (Iron Fist‘s Jessica Henwick), which means evading the hungry clutches of various supersize grizzlies including a giant monster-frog hiding in a suburban pond. It’s a simple but pretty out-there premise that wouldn’t work if O’Brien’s performance was even slightly condescending. Instead, his unselfconscious sincerity really sells a film that has as much in common with the family-oriented Robin Williams movie Night at the Museum as darker fare like The Walking Dead.

His obvious affection for the project really comes across during our interview today. “When I read the script, I just thought it was so sweet and funny and smart and unique, but at the same time reminiscent of all these movies that don’t really get made any more,” he says. That’s a fair point: Love and Monsters is neither a fail-safe superhero movie nor a slice of classy Oscar bait. “And when they were talking about how to market this movie, it was so funny hearing all these conversations like, ‘How do we actually get people to watch it?'” he adds. “But that’s a big part of the reason I wanted to do this movie: because it felt like something I missed seeing.”

“I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who want to make something out of love”

So in a way, Love and Monsters was a risk for an actor seeking to establish himself outside of a bankable movie franchise and a hit TV show. O’Brien has only made four films since his final Maze Runner outing in 2018, and insists he hasn’t been tactical with his choices. “I don’t have anyone saying, ‘We need to get you in an Oscar vehicle’, or any of that kind of shit,” he says. “I’m really lucky to be surrounded by people who think like me: that you should do what you’re drawn to, and make something out of love.”

He’s recently finished shooting a mysterious crime thriller called The Outfit in London with Mark Rylance. Directed and co-written by Graham Moore, who won an Oscar for his screenplay to Alan Turing biopic The Imitation Game, O’Brien calls it “quite possibly one of the most special pieces of writing I’ve ever experienced”. He first read the script on a plane and says he “actually stood up and clapped” when he got to the end. Considering O’Brien probably wasn’t flying Ryanair, this reaction presumably attracted a few baffled glances.

Anyway, it must be pretty intimidating walking onto set with Rylance, a multi-award-winning actor revered by his peers – Al Pacino once said he “speaks Shakespeare as if it was written for him the night before” – but it sounds as though O’Brien took it all in stride. He says he’s confident in his abilities, but admits to having a slight wobble whenever he begins a new project. “I’m always sort of re-questioning everything – like, ‘Can I even act?'” he says. “But I think there’s something very natural about that. I think even Rylance could relate to that feeling. Acting is like starting a new year at school every single time.”

At this point in his career, O’Brien has made peace with the fact that some people will have preconceptions about him based on what he’s known for: Maze Runner and Teen Wolf. “People will put you in a box no matter what,” he says. “There was definitely a time when that would get to me, especially when it felt like somebody had a perspective on me that in my soul, I just felt wasn’t accurate.” Still, there’s no doubt he wants to show us what’s really in his soul with more films like Flashback. “If anything,” he adds bullishly, “it just makes me think: ‘Right, I’m really gonna show them now’.”

‘Flashback’ is out on digital platforms from June 4

#dylan o'brien #love and monsters press #flashback press #the outfit press

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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National Enquirer, November 30

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: The Kennedy family torn apart

Page 2: Angry and isolated Caitlyn Jenner is on a downward emotional spiral that some friends believe have left her one step from the psycho ward -- she feels shunned by her own family and can’t find romance and is unhappy with with her looks -- Caitlyn is so tense and insecure and sensitive about everything so she’s diving into more and more prospective projects in a desperate effort to kickstart her flagging career and she’s flying off the handle all the time plus she’s tried to drown her sorrows in a new round of cosmetic improvements including a face-lift and lipo to trim her waist and thighs but she’s horrified she’s still not happy with her looks after all her surgeries

Page 3: Lovestruck Halle Berry has leapt headfirst into a red-hot romance with Van Hunt but the singer is a skirt-chasing cheat -- Van and his ex-wife split in 2007 after she said he abandoned her and their only child to move to L.A. and she claimed the musician admitted adultery shortly before divorce documents were filed -- Halle would be disturbed to hear that Van walked out on his son because she’s a very family-oriented person and she could never imagine living on the other side of the country to her kids -- Van’s grown and matured since the divorce and is sure to have shared all about his situation with Halle and he’s said to be on good terms with his ex-wife but people say once a cheater always a cheater and that’s got to be at the back of Halle’s mind

Page 4: Runaway Prince Harry is reeling after being publicly snubbed by his royal relatives and now he is having second thoughts about ditching his official duties for a glam life in Hollywood; he’s finally realizing just what he gave up when he left England with wife Meghan Markle and their son Archie and he’s wondering if it was worth it -- the simmering rift between Harry and the royals exploded after they refused his request to be part of Britain’s Remembrance Day ceremonies to honor fallen soldiers so Harry retaliated by staging a photo op at Los Angeles National Cemetery with Meghan with his military medals pinned on his navy suit; Harry was banned from wearing his military uniform when he quit royal duties and he also had to give up his military duties which devastated him -- photos from the cemetery released by the couple triggered an immediate backlash and they were accused of being shameless publicity-seekers trying to steal headlines and overshadow the royals doing their duty back home; it was a disaster and Harry was shocked -- he’s reaching out to the palace to make amends but calls to his brother Prince William and father Prince Charles have gone unanswered

* Katie Holmes and Emilio Vitolo Jr.’s hot new romance is in a pressure cooker as their families fight to claim the couple as their guests for the holidays -- things were going great for them but this tug-of-war may tear them apart because Emilio’s folks told him they want him home with them but Katie is desperate to spend Christmas with her relatives in Ohio and they really want to meet her new boyfriend and Katie is feeling guilty because she spends so much time with Emilio’s clan at his dad’s Manhattan eatery so she thinks it’s only fair that he does this for her but Emilio’s never missed a holiday gathering with his own family and there are a lot of them he hasn’t seen because of the pandemic

Page 5: Celine Dion is finally ready to put the past behind her as the fifth anniversary of her beloved husband’s death approaches in January and she is planning to leave Las Vegas with their sons and she is pining to return to her native Quebec and give twins Nelson and Eddy and 19-year-old Rene-Charles a taste of her own childhood -- Celine had been careful to not upset her kids’ lives since the death of their dad from throat cancer but she now believes the boys would benefit from spending time in The Great White North -- she also thinks it might be more likely she’ll find lasting love in her home country

Page 6: Defiantly plump Lizzo has ditched her diet and frightened friends are staging an intervention to get her to a fat farm to save her life -- Lizzo had committed to eating vegan after weighing in at 350 pounds but once on vacation it lasted like two days before she couldn’t take it any longer -- she has anxiety issues and uses food to comfort herself but the stress the weight is putting on her heart and other organs could have a detrimental effect on her health and cut her life short

Page 7: Mark Harmon and Pauley Perrette have agreed to meet for peace talks after a long-simmering feud triggered her angry departure from NCIS and Mark reached out to her to invite her back -- Mark feels bad about how Pauley left the show and knows she played a big role in its success and he’s anxious to set things right between them and bring back one of the show’s favorite all-time characters for fans -- Mark also feels he’s been painted unfairly in Pauley’s departure and would like to know he was not behind it but the two clashed for years with Pauley charging Mark’s bullying caused her to quit the show and Pauley even tweeted she is terrified of Harmon and him attacking her -- while Pauley is not saying yes or no to returning to the show she’s definitely willing to sit down and talk

* The drama between sickly Phil Collins and his squatting ex-wife Orianne Cevey is really getting down and dirty with Orianne charging that Phil degenerated into a pill-popping addict who stopped showering and brushing his teeth and was impotent and she also claimed Phil became emotionally and verbally abusive and refused to provide emotional support or love or care for her -- Phil’s lawyers said Orianne’s charges are scandalous and scurrilous and unethical and for the most part patently false or grossly exaggerated

Page 8: Power-hungry host Savannah Guthrie is gunning to be the reigning queen of Today and is willing to walk over anyone to achieve her goal and her blind ambition is ripping the once-invincible morning show apart and she even used Al Roker’s prostate cancer diagnosis to push her own agenda and capitalize on Al’s absence for surgery to demand more airtime for herself -- every meeting starts with the focus on whatever Savannah wants and the staff is far from happy about it and morale has never been worse -- Savannah has constantly pushed the producers for Jenna Bush Hager and herself to take the lead on big news stories and keep Hoda Kotb stuck in the fluffy stuff and Hoda’s completely pissed off -- Savannah’s rising star has come with temper tantrums and diva-like demands -- fed-up Hoda recently met with friends of Gayle King and there is speculation the two women could make a powerful pairing and revitalize third-place CBS This Morning

Page 9: Regis Philbin’s death certificate reveals paramedics waged a desperate 40-minute battle to try to save his life -- he suffered a heart attack just after 3 a.m. on July 24 at his home in Connecticut and he was rushed to the emergency room where medics fought to save his life but he eventually succumbed at 4:18 a.m.

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Queen Latifah on the NYC set of The Equalizer, socially distant host Ellen DeGeneres went the extra mile to greet guest Jimmy Kimmel on her talk show, Steve Schirripa and Bridget Moynahan shot Blue Bloods in NYC, Kristen Taekman prettied up her pout in L.A., Tracy Morgan attended the ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new community center at Brooklyn’s Marcy Houses

Page 11: Smitten ‘70s TV stars Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl may owe their late-in-life romance to Zoom but according to the actress the couple didn’t rush their relationship -- the two have been friends for decades but a COVID-19 group video chat helped spark love during lockdown -- after one of their lengthy one-on-one conversations Patrick jumped into his car and drove 20 hours from L.A. to her Colorado home like a lovestruck teenager

* Beloved Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek left behind a final touching message for his fans and it will be extremely moving -- Alex’s final message will follow his last episode of Jeopardy! set to air on Christmas Day

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Joel Michaely at the opening of The Comeback Trail (picture)

* Kelly Clarkson’s divorce meant she booted ex Brandon Blackstock out of her professional life but he’ll still be in her work life thanks to Blake Shelton -- Brandon might not be Kelly’s manager anymore but he still manages Blake which might get awkward when Kelly runs into him backstage at The Voice

* Keeping Up with the Kardashians is notching all-time low ratings and the family is blaming Kim Kardashian saying she’s lost her sense of humor and she’s too busy trying to be taken seriously

* Nitpicky Ryan Seacrest has ditched celebrity designer Nate Berkus’ husband Jeremiah Brent as his decorator because they had a nasty falling out over the renovation of Ryan’s townhouse in New York City

Page 13: Steve Harvey’s daughter Lori Harvey escaped jail time after cops claimed she fled the scene of a Beverly Hills car crash in 2019 -- she was charged with two misdemeanors for hit-and-run and delaying a police investigation after she walked away from a smashup that damaged her Mercedes G-wagon and nearly destroyed another vehicle but she cut a deal with prosecutors and pleaded no contest to resisting arrest and will serve two years probation -- she reportedly had been texting at the time of the accident

* Reba McEntire confirmed she turned down a regular role on The Voice which left the life-changing gig open for Blake Shelton -- Reba said she didn’t think she could ever tell somebody that they’re terrible

* Cancer warrior Olivia Newton-John revealed she kicked a dependence on morphine with medical marijuana -- to cope with her pain during her third bout with breast cancer that had spread in 2017 doctors put her on mega doses of the highly addictive drug and she weaned herself off the morphine with the cannabis which she thinks is incredible and says people should know that because you’re not going to die from cannabis and you can use it to wean off morphine and she’s continued on a regime with cannabis ever since

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Los Angeles’ newly elected District Attorney George Gascon has vowed to reopen the probe into actress Natalie Wood’s mysterious drowning and her husband Robert Wagner could finally be dragged before a grand jury -- Gascon said he’ll work with investigators from the L.A. Sheriff’s Department homicide squad to reexamine the case after the previous D.A. refused to present evidence to a grand jury -- Natalie drowned in 1981 while enjoying a holiday with Robert and actor Christopher Walken off Catalina Island

Page 16: The Talk has been thrown into chaos by cast shake-ups and co-host Sharon Osbourne’s power grab and may be on the verge of being silenced forever -- staffers are expecting the worst after popular co-host Eve announced she was splitting after four seasons becoming the latest in a long line of damaging departures and while Eve blamed her exit on COVID-19 travel restrictions from England much of the blame goes to self-promotional Sharon’s relentless efforts to take over the show after former moderator Julie Chen’s departure last year -- Sharon has made it clear she’s in charge now and the other ladies are not thrilled with being reduced to supporting cast and fans have started calling for Sharon’s head

Page 17: John Lennon’s widow Yoko Ono has sparked fears she’s nearing the end after handing her business dealings off to their son Sean Lennon -- the wheelchair-bound Yoko had been managing the late Beatle’s vast $800 million holdings since his 1980 shooting death but it’s now beyond her abilities

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Johnny Depp is writing and planning to star in a tell-all movie about his divorce war with loathed ex-wife Amber Heard -- after a U.K. court ruled he was physically abusive toward Amber during their marriage Johnny wants to tell the world his version of the marriage and he will set people straight about what happened and clear his name to millions to fans and he believes this is a slam dunk once he gets it in front of the right producer especially as he’s more than willing to play himself

* The family of vicious Boston mobster James “Whitey” Bulger has filed a lawsuit against the federal government accusing prison officials of orchestrating the 2018 hit on the Mob boss -- the action accuses the Federal Bureau of Prisons of intentional or deliberately indifferent deeds that led to the murder of the wheelchair-bound mobster just hours after he was inexplicably transferred to the Hazelton penitentiary in West Virginia where he was beaten to death by prisoners to keep him from singing about corruption inside the FBI and the Department of Justice -- Whitey was bludgeoned with a padlock stuffed inside a sock and his murderers had enough time to cut out his tongue and eyes to make it seem like a classic Mafia hit

Page 20: Angelina Jolie lives in constant fear one of her six children will be kidnapped and held for ransom according to her former bodyguard -- Angie and her ex Brad Pitt are worth hundreds of millions which Angie feared provided plenty of incentive for criminals to target her offspring

* Hollywood Hookups -- Sofia Richie and Matthew Morton dating, Sabrina Parr and Lamar Odom split, Daniela Rajic and Paul George engaged

Page 21: Justin Bieber’s pastor Carl Lentz lost his job over a steamy affair with an exotic beauty -- Lentz was fired from the megachurch Hillsong and his mistress claimed the two were in love

* Wildlife lover Bindi Irwin has announced 20 weeks into pregnancy her baby is the size of a tiny emu -- she delivered the news flash beneath a photo with her husband Chandler Powell appropriately taken at the Australia Zoo

* Hugh Grant made a bizarre confession admitting his bout with COVID-19 left him wanting to sniff strangers’ armpits -- Hugh revealed he tested positive for coronavirus antibodies and believes he contracted the bug in February and the illness caused a feeling of an enormous man sitting on his chest but Hugh also claimed he was rattled by losing his sense of smell which is a known symptom of the disease and purposely sought out putrid odors to test his useless nose

Page 22: Jailed Ghislaine Maxwell’s latest devastating court defeat has heightened fears that the woman accused of being billionaire sex fiend Jeffrey Epstein’s madam will die behind bars just as he did -- since July Maxwell has been locked up in solitary confinement at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center where her jailers subject her to daily strip and cell searches and is monitored 24 hours a day she doesn’t suffer the same fate as Epstein whose death was officially ruled a suicide -- now the U.S. Court of Appeals has denied her bid to publicly name the women who have come forward in the media and civil actions as Epstein’s alleged victims and implicated the British socialite in his twisted sex ring so the damning decision upheld an earlier ruling and shattered her defense team’s bid to investigate and refute the claims of the unnamed accusers

Page 23: Tom Cruise’s plan to shoot the first movie in space may be in jeopardy after Russia vowed to beat him to it -- Tom has teamed with tech billionaire Elon Musk’s SpaceX program to film the unnamed project on the International Space Station in October 2021 -- but a rival Russian agency plans to already be in outer space by then and the Russian film is titled Challenge and its team has sent out a casting call for a female lead -- Tom sees this as a gauntlet being thrown down and he always rises to the challenge and he’s told SpaceX they have to get up there before next October

Page 28: Cover Story -- Kennedy curse rips clan apart -- the family takes sides as Michael Skakel skates and William Kennedy Smith stalls $50 million will

Page 32: Ric Ocasek’s oldest son has blasted him as a deadbeat dad who was never there -- Chris Otcasek who uses the original spelling of the family name wrote on Instagram that his father in essence died the day he was born and he was never present and he was never there -- Ric left his mom who was his second wife Suzanne while she was pregnant with their second child

* Lisa Marie Presley has had a medical emergency so severe it brought her bitter custody trial with fourth ex-husband Michael Lockwood to a halt

Page 36: Health, Ask the Vet

Page 38: Pope John Paul II was aware that disgraced and defrocked Cardinal Theodore McCarrick was a pedophile but elevated him anyway to the powerful post of Archbishop of Washington D.C. in 2001 -- McCarrick had showered over $600,000 in donations on powerful clerics including Pope John Paul II and Pope Benedict while facing allegations of abuse -- Pope Francis finally defrocked McCarrick in 2019

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Mandy Moore

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Emma Corrin as Princess Diana in The Crown

Page 47: Odd List

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alphawolfice1989 · 4 years ago

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21 Ways Neil Patrick Harris Is Still a Kid at Heart

Whether he’s escaping a room or his real life, the sitcom star and new quiz-show host loves a game—unless it’s Monopoly

https://www.wsj.com/articles/21-ways-neil-patrick-harris-is-still-a-kid-at-heart-1520528275

PLAYER ONE Neil Patrick Harris, the host of the new game show ‘Genius Junior,’ takes a timeout at The Charlie Hotel in Los Angeles.PHOTO: SHAYAN ASGHARNIA FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Chris Kornelis

March 8, 2018 11:57 am ET

AS PRENATURALLY SMART teen surgeon Doogie Howser, M.D., Neil Patrick Harris occasionally let himself believe he was the “young whippersnapper intellect” he portrayed on TV. He’s under no such delusions as the host of NBC’s “Genius Junior,” a new game show premiering this month that quizzes grade schoolers in categories including math, memory and spelling.

“When I interacted with the kids, I realized that [compared to them] I was really just a puppet reading writers’ lines,” the 44-year-old father of two said. “It doesn’t quite involve the same cerebral cortex.”

Following his 2014 Tony-winning role in Broadway’s “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”; the publishing of his children’s book “The Magic Misfits” last year; and the launching of his Netflix adaptation “A Series of Unfortunate Events,” Mr. Harris said he was inspired to take his turn behind the quiz-show dais by a childhood spent watching “Press Your Luck” and “Sale of the Century.” Another motivator: his love of puzzles and game theory, which recently led him to become an escape-room aficionado.

Though he said he normally takes the time to gauge the dynamic in group situations, Mr. Harris admits that he gets “pretty alpha” if the door is locked and the clock is ticking: “When your singular goal is to escape as quickly as possible, you just talk the loudest and fastest you can.”

Clockwise from top left: ‘The Goonies’; Oculus Rift VR goggles; ‘Black Mirror’; his childhood computer; Stretch Armstrong.

My current obsession is: a smartphone app called “The Room.” As you swipe around and examine a box, you find a little switch that opens a panel to puzzles that unlock more and more of the box. It is extraordinarily well executed and a brilliant time suck.

My favorite toy as a child was: Stretch Armstrong, but I was really just interested in knowing what the liquid was inside that allowed him to stretch, so those got mutilated. I also had every “Star Wars” figure. When we made little short films, we would burn them because burning plastic is cool to watch.

My favorite toy now is: The Oculus Rift VR machine. I can’t stop. I will someday be one of those fallow, gaunt VR players who never see the light of day.

My favorite escape room is: New York’s Paradiso Escape. It’s fantastic. Incredibly cinematic, there are multiple rooms, and it’s fully realized. And we escaped, which is most important. The bomb did not go off.

The first piece of tech I remember getting is: an old school TRS-80 computer my parents bought. We were living in Tiny Town, New Mexico—not its real name—and I felt like we were very technological and impressive.

I’m serious about collecting: Disney theme-park memorabilia. I outbid some heavy hitters to get an original Haunted Mansion stretching portrait of a bearded man, which we display proudly and enormously in our living room. I paid too much, but I felt it was something that would never come around again.

When you visit Vancouver you should definitely: bike Stanley Park. That’s their big Central Park. It’s just exquisite. Nature here is just miraculous. When it’s not raining in the spring and summer everything is just in full bloom—and it’s beautiful.”

The best place for brunch in New York is: Balthazar. It’s a great scene. Fantastic brunch: waffles and oysters.

A podcast I download to get a bit smarter is: NPR’s “Hidden Brain.” Shankar Vedantam interviews all kinds of people on topics relating to the brain, the psyche and our common concerns and goals. It’s scientific, topical, really motivational.

A game I do not recommend: Monopoly with 7-year-olds. I think it teaches bad habits. The whole conceit of Monopoly is to destroy every other competitor and acquire so much wealth that you’re stomping on and bankrupting people left, right and center. But we’re very into Sorry!

A book that I re-read every year is: “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. It is filled with life-changing ways of thinking. It’s the only book I’ve read where I had to just stop to think about a sentence I read, take some deep breaths, smile and then keep reading.

The best book for a first grader is:“The World’s Worst Children” by David Walliams. It’s stories about horrible children, similar to the worlds created by Roald Dahl. Hilarious and still palatable for kids.

A kids film that I love is: “The Goonies.” When it came out, I bought all the chewing gum packs of Goonies cards, read and acquired every Goonies thing I could and called myself a “Goonie looney.” I coined that phrase and thought it was very funny at the time.

The last show I binged is: Netflix’s “Black Mirror.” All the episodes are effective, chilling and awesome.

My favorite VR game is: “The Invisible Hours.” It’s a murder mystery, which is right up my alley. You’re able to wander this mansion and follow people to see what they are doing. It’s like immersive theater. It’s rad.

The last piece of technology I bought: If I’m being honest, is a second Oculus Rift system, because I missed it so much in New York, I wanted to play it here in Vancouver [where he’s currently shooting the third season of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”].

As a child I listened to: my parents’ records. The Kingston Trio, the Brothers Four. In high school I listened to Billy Joel and the Beach Boys—which was the first CD I ever bought.

If I weren’t an actor: I’d either be a puppeteer or an Imagineer—someone hired by Disney to sign a nondisclosure form, learn all the secrets of how the theme park rides work and use current and future technologies to design attractions for parks.

My favorite bathroom away from home is at: the NoMad Hotel in Los Angeles. It’s in an old bank and they saved the vault for the bathroom’s entrance downstairs. It’s super cool.

The best advice I ever received was: play a long game and not a short game, especially career-wise. Don’t hope that a singular thing—especially if it becomes a success—will define you. Strive for longevity and appreciate that where there are flows there are also ebbs.

The worst advice I’ve received: Fly out of Newark instead of JFK.

—Edited from an interview by Chris Kornelis

#nph #neil patrick harris

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years ago

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WHY I'M SMARTER THAN PROBABILITY

The remarkable thing about this project was that he wanted his own computer. All programmers know it's good to write readable code. Imagine walking around for years with five pound ankle weights, then suddenly having them removed. I told the audience that this happened every year, so if they saw a startup they liked, they should make them an offer. What made the Dutch rich in 1600 was the discovery of shipbuilding and navigation techniques that enabled them to dominate the seas of the Far East. The place to look is where the spread of smallness began: in the world of startups. Universities seem the place to attack them. 94 you hold is worth. It's hard to distinguish spending too much from raising too little.

There is a danger in designing a language based on one's own experience of programming. And the first planes, and the right mood. Most people overestimate its role, but it has been experimentally verified, in the unlikely absence of any other evidence, have a 99. PB made a point in a talk once that I now mention to every startup we fund: that it's better, but that it breaks the time on either side in half. 99. Certainly not the authors. No energy is wasted on defense. Socially, a company looks much like college, but the most I've ever been able to manage is about 18, and I hope to fix the world behind the statistics, we have to do more than get good grades. It's not a deal till the money's in the bank so far. On the other hand, enter is a genuine miss. After standing there gaping for a few seconds I realized this was kind of a trick question.

You just can't expend any attention on it so you can get away with zero self-discipline. Would a basketball team trade one of their aims. This is not too high a price for big companies, the interminable meetings, the water-cooler conversations, the clueless middle managers, and athletes all live with the sword hanging over their heads; the moment they say no. To do good work, what you need to get the most done. This term was invented after Tom Bradley, the black mayor of Los Angeles, lost an election for governor of California despite a comfortable lead in the polls. So it's winner take all. Whereas if you're writing code to make it a much more common one. Hardware does well on crowdfunding sites. It seems like it should be straightforward. And unless you're extremely organized, a house full of stuff. It can take years to zero in on a productive question, because it implies you're supposed to have. Historically metals have been the most common.

They have so far, at least in the hands of good programmers, how would you do it? You haven't made anyone else poorer. Intelligent design is a legitimate scientific theory. A great programmer, on a roll, could create a situation indistinguishable from you being that manufacturer, at least for a handful of other US cities, but they're still an anomaly in most of the time, writing about economic inequality combines all three. Startup is a pole, not a point, and I get an uneasy feeling when I look at my bookshelves. If someone in my neighborhood heard that I was looking for an old friend especially if he is a hacker to suddenly send you an email talking about sex, but someone sending you mail for the first time in history they're no longer getting the best people. The reason this got stale in middle school and high school kids and adults, I'd have said it was that adults had to earn a living. One Canadian startup we funded spent about 6 months working on moving to the US. A good metaphor here. If you start out with some initial plan and modify it as necessary to keep hitting, say, Altria is not. Rewriting a program often yields a cleaner design. I see it there on the page and quickly move on to the next step is.

Maybe mostly in one hub, and it will be a good thing: if your society has no variation in productivity is far from the only source of economic inequality, but because you want the kind of determination it takes to talk to investors, you have to move bits over a network, by all means use TCP/IP. If people were scanned all the time, writing about economic inequality is the inevitable fate of countries that don't choose something worse. Joel Spolsky recently spoke at Y Combinator said, Once you take several million dollars of my money, the best defense is a good idea to spend some time thinking about that future. And if, as nearly everyone who knows agrees, startups are an all-or-nothing game. If you start from the other end, and offer programmers more parallelizable Lego blocks to build programs out of the way to get rich, how would you do it right, you only have to interrupt someone a couple times a day before they're unable to work on a Java project. Louis Brandeis said We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of good programmers, how would you do it? For example, suppose Y Combinator offers to fund you if you stay where you are, and this consumes less energy. Together these three phases produce an S-curve. Obviously there is a fixed pie. Assuming they could solve the problem by partitioning the company.

It's equivalent to asking how to make money. They all knew their work like a piano player knows the keys. They gradually congeal in your head. Whatever you build, make it fast. They lived in houses full of servants, wore elaborately uncomfortable clothes, and travelled about in carriages drawn by teams of horses which themselves required their own houses and servants. Money is a side effect of specialization. 99. It's never just a straight trade of money for them, and this is one of the things that get discovered this way incidentalomas, and they have to decide quickly because you're running out of room. They just represent a point at the far end of the middle class. Empirically, the way they wait. I was trying to make money as a freelance programmer. Nearly all failure funnels through that.

But the problem the patent pledge requires no change in behavior. But this year there may have been. But that in turn makes investors nervous they're about to invest right up till the moment they say no. And then there is the question of what probability to assign to words that occur more than five times in total actually, because of the doubling, occurring three times in nonspam mail would be enough. But this meant a Google was now setting Microsoft's agenda, and b their growth potential makes it easy to reload into your head. The most ambitious is to try to identify a precise point in the future, just that you think may be due to a crime well enough executed that it had been forgotten. Likewise, it doesn't tell you what we all wish someone had told us.

Now that's what I call a startup idea. Why else would this idea occur in this odd context? One piece of evidence is what happened to countries that tried to return to the old model, like the foundation of a house. Y Combinator are from young founders making things they think other people will want. Flying a glider is a good one if it makes sense. Optimizing code means taking an existing program and changing it to use less of something, usually time or memory. Two things keep the speed of the boat. Society as a whole started to get richer very rapidly. The solution societies find, as they get more specialized, is to find good books. When watches had mechanical movements, expensive watches kept better time. For example, in my current database, the word offers has a probability of.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #piano #code #player #idea #step #Tom #hand #Los #crime

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movieswithkevin27 · 7 years ago

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Bright

Deciding which film - Bright, The Mummy, Amityville: The Awakening, or The Circle - is worse is a tough task. The Mummy is so bad it is good, so it gets ahead of the competition. The Circle feels incomplete, so it is probably the worst, whereas Amityville feels like multiple movies slapped together. Bright, however, as the third worst (or second best, but I do not want to sound too complimentary), is old school bad. It is boring, it is horribly written, it is incompetently directed, and yet it is coherent. Nobody can mistake Bright for being multiple films or an incomplete film. Instead, it is a straight-forward film with a plot that easily mistaken for actual depth or world-building, characters who are intended to be engaging, thematic content working throughout, and a clear narrative arc that will engage less discerning viewers quite adequately and deliver “a fun movie”. However, in having seen Bright, it is hard to imagine how one could find this slop fun. A pig would think this is just too shitty of a pen to play in if given the option between its own shit and Bright. Compared to the other ⅕ star films I have seen thus far in 2017, Bright is the only film that is just not horribly made, but it is a completely horrible film. It is exactly what the filmmakers wanted to put together, which earns it some points for being less horrible, but is hardly an endorsement of its quality as director David Ayer and writer Max Landis have found a way to waste a seemingly. compelling and original idea. To accomplish this, they put it into a buddy cop film, inserted lame pop culture comedy (“swipe left” right as he swipes to detonate a bomb...hello my fellow kids), had dull action scenes, stilted dialogue, and forced racial commentary that would make Paul Haggis and the filmmakers behind Crash think Bright is too heavy-handed.

The opening act of this film pours on the racial commentary hot-and-heavy. Establishing this as a world in which orcs are hated due to their allegiance to the “dark lord” in a literal race war 2,000 years ago, Bright shows humans to be normal middle class folks, elves to be the 1%, and orcs to be the minorities in the hoods who become gangsters. Meanwhile, the LAPD has hired an orc cop as part of a forced diversity initiative, but every other cop wants to kill orc cop Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton). Paired with Darrell Ward (Will Smith), the two traverse Los Angeles, encounter racism towards orcs, discuss the tribalism of orcs and how they are indebted to their clans, they discuss orc culture and being “blooded”, cops want to frame and kill Jakoby, and fellow orcs call Jakoby a traitor. The racial commentary, tragically, is established even further through imagery that aligns orcs with inner city black Americans with graffiti showing images of cops killing orcs without reason. All of this racial commentary could have been fine and even a unique take in a fantasy world, but Ayer and Landis are so blunt and on-the-nose in their treatment, it often feels as though Bright reaches out and slaps the audience in the face while shouting, “Do you get it?! THEY’RE RACIST!” While the film may have its heart in the right place in regards to racism in society and the need to see equality between races, Bright is simply not film that executes on this theme well enough for it truly resonate or have its desired impact. Instead, it just plays out as a hamfisted theme that is never developed in an interesting fashion.

A lot of the films issues in following its racial commentary in a more subdued and compelling fashion is the same reason why its general plotting and originality falls apart. It all felt very surface-level. Ayer was unable to actually make things work beneath the surface, instead opting for a cliche buddy cop movie - which is in his wheelhouse, as End of Watch shows - with cliche action “the hero never gets hits” shootout scenes, one-liners, a generic group of bad guys that want to summon the “dark lord”, and useless federal agents who, despite possessing a threat, disappear for the final half hour after pin-pointing where Ward and Jakoby were within a few blocks. This rather uninteresting foundation for the film, leads all of the cliche fantasy elements such as prophecies, orcs, elves, references to past wars, wands, a dark lord, fairies, etc to just feel like a magic trick. It is a way for Ayer and Landis to distract audiences from the rather shallow and skin deep treatment of its fantasy setting it is giving in favor of exploring a rather straight-forward buddy cop action-comedy set-up. For many audiences, they will praise this distraction and even point to a shot of a dragon flying over Los Angeles as a hint to the depth and possibilities this world holds. Unfortunately, it is merely akin to putting lipstick on a pig. It is still a pig with nothing special or unique about on the inside compared to the other pigs, all it has is some lipstick. Bright is that pig (I do like my pig comparisons for this one, maybe all of the forced racism via calling orcs “pig-faced” is influencing me here), with some nice glossy fantasy elements but without the heart and soul of a fantasy film underneath.

This leads perfectly into the film’s horrific script. With forced comedy, exposition, and awkwardly stilted dialogue, it is easy to see that David Ayer was looking for his next, “So that’s it? We some kinda Suicide Squad?” through the entirety of the dialogue. Between a prolonged bromance scene, a cliche villain waiting just long enough to kill someone for them to be stopped, any discussion about prophecies (Will Smith literally says, “So we’re in a prophecy, huh?” after previously saying, “We are not in a prophecy. We are in a stolen Toyota Corolla.”), and really any joke attempt all mark true lows in Bright. Further lines such as “You need to unfuck this. Magic us to Palm Springs or some shit,” and the “it’s time to go home / “It’s too late to go home” / “Fucking kill me,” back-and-forth between chief antagonist Leilah (Noomi Rapace) and her sister Tikka (Lucy Fry) who is helping Darrell and Nick, are examples of just how horribly written Bright is, with awkward dialogue that continuously misses the boat. References to Tinder (previously quoted in introduction) and the elves having killed the illuminati additionally demonstrate that not only is Bright poorly written with awkward jokes, terrible “intense” dialogue, and continuous exposition explaining where they are in Los Angeles, who they are meeting, what they are doing (“We need to protect the wand”), regurgitating of a prophecy far too many times, and through racist interactions, but it is also a film that is trying far too hard to be “hip”. It drops in pop culture items it knows millennials will love, while trying to serenade them with the latest pop hits from their favorite “hip” rappers and singers as a means to elicit a positive association between Bright and the apps or songs the young folks of America love to use. As such, Bright comes off as not just a long music video like Suicide Squad did, but also a pandering work that consistently tries to reassert just how badass and in-touch with pop culture it and its makers are. To top it all of, the parade of cliche interactions - such as the final moment where Nick nervously tells the feds what happened without being prompted to do so - only serves to help Bright’s script become worse, solidifying it as certainly the worst element of an already horrible film.

The film’s direction and action further harms the film, both through inane and cliches action set-pieces with car chases, shootouts, and crashes, that never really capture the imagination of the audience. As opposed to his work in Fury, Ayer seems content to stick with rather incoherent, dull, and cliche action scenes - there is a scene where Leilah jumps through a glass window in an incredibly similar way to Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell - which only serves to help Bright become even more uninteresting. An already dull slog of a film becomes worse every time an action scene starts up with nothing but explosions, endless gunfire, “cool crashes”, and forced moments of intensity as the bad guy pauses just long enough to be shot or as the good guy runs out of bullets at exactly the wrong time. These cliches and rather dull exploration of a fantastical world - could we really not get some cool fantastical gun or weapon? - are what really pull down the facade of fantasy put up by Ayer and Landis. It is in these derivative shootouts that Bright screams out to the audience that this is not some adventurous or daring original film. Instead, it just another action movie that is happy to become mere white noise in the background as viewers opt to pay their taxes or bills instead of paying attention. Adding to these issues with direction, the film’s final act seems to occur at least three times with multiple almost endings that hint at putting the audience out of their misery before, somehow, finding more (and worse) content to tack onto the end of the film. This one winds up feeling entirely unending with Ayer and Landis managing to concoct new ways to keep this one dragging on for an eternity.

A dull, unredeemable, and decidedly unfun film, David Ayer’s Bright makes one wonder if he actually wrote Training Day and directed both End of Watch and Fury or if he just killed or blackmailed whoever did before taking all of the credit for himself. Will Smith finds yet another bad movie to star in and Joel Edgerton is saved by the fact that we cannot see his face through the make-up. Honestly, it is entirely possible that this was just a cliche buddy cop film until Edgerton signed on because he needed the money and demanded his dignity was saved by wearing makeup that hid his face, giving birth to this fantastical world. It would certainly explain why the fantasy world is so shallow and uninteresting. The fact that this film is earning such acclaim from audiences and is doing well enough to earn a sequel demonstrates just how starved audiences are for “original” films, willing to accept anything that slightly fits the bill.

#2017 movies #2010s movies #bright #david ayer #will smith #joel edgerton #film reviews #film analysis #movie reviews #edgar ramirez #noomi rapace #lucy fry

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magazinmix-blog · 5 years ago

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Hayden Black and Joel Bryant Guests On Spidcast December 2011

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http://Spidvid.com – We are back with one of our best Spidcast (full transcript at http://Spidcast.com) episodes to date this month (listen in below and subscribe on iTunes) with a focus on web series, acting, getting lucky, and other interesting stuff. December’s Spidcast features the incredible creator of the vampires vs zombies web series Suck and Moan, Joel Bryant, and the producer of hit web and TV show Goodnight Burbank, Hayden Black. They are our amazing guests for Spidcast 13, December 2011 which you can listen to below.

Our Guests:

Hailing from Manchester, England, Hayden moved to the US in ’97 because he wanted to better understand the culture that produced five different home shopping networks. Hayden once sang with early ’90’s new wave band The The The — but they only lasted long enough to put out one single, the ill-fated “I’d Love It If You Loved Me”. Shoving all those dreams into a bottle and burying it somewhere in the garden, Hayden eventually carved out a career in radio shipping news and has used that talent to catapult him to success here in Burbank at Channel 6. He loves Burbank and all nine of its restaurants. Gordon’s divorced, enjoys golf, and quiet weekends avoiding LA traffic. Hayden is also the co-host of the hit web and TV show Goodnight Burbank.

Born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Joel Bryant graduated from Pepperdine University with a BA in Theatre and has lived in LA ever since. He’s been lucky to work in many mediums including film (“The Heartbreak Kid,” “Valkyrie,” “Loaded,” “Gone But Not Forgotten,” among many others), TV (guest stars on “Monk,” “Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior,” “The Defenders,” “Las Vegas,” etc., a number of pilots such as “Hillers” with Henry Winkler and Tom Arnold and “Angry Guys”) and New Media (Streamy-nominated for “After Judgment,” “Life From the Inside,” “The Temp Life,” “Elevator” and is co-producer/”Mac” in the award-winning “Suck and Moan”). Among his numerous theatre highlights, he’s been tapped by Neil LaBute to be in “Fat Pig” at the Belasco Theatre on Broadway in 2012. As well, he’s garnered glowing reviews all over L.A. (Knightsbridge Theatre, Hudson Theatre, and Civic Light Opera of South Bay Cities) and performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, the Texas Shakespeare Festival and a variety of regional theatres throughout the Southwest, including the world premiere of “Terminal Cafe” with Neil Patrick Harris. Some of his favorite pieces include: “ART,” “Moonlight & Magnolias,” “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” “The Woolgatherer,” “Oleanna”). Trained in improv at The Groundlings, Joel is a co-founder and member of the award-winning comedy duo “Deven & Joel” with comedy partner/wife Deven Green, with whom he has entertained the troops overseas, performed at a series of maximum security prisons, played at colleges and clubs all over the U.S., and have headlined at many places including The Comedy Store, The Icehouse, the Venetian, the Riviera and Bally’s in Las Vegas, Flappers in Burbank, all over L.A. and San Diego, a week of sold out shows at the San Francisco Fringe Festival and won the Best of the Fest at the International Hollywood Comedy Festival. Since starting stand-up comedy at the age of 16, he has performed in such places as The Comedy Store, The Icehouse, The Comedy Union, Laff’s, The Queen Mary, and many clubs in between. Joel is also an accomplished dancer, writer and spoken word artist…and sometimes he even sleeps.

Full Transcript Below

Michael: Hi, I’m Michael London and welcome to Spidcast, the future collaborative video production brought to you by Spidvid.com. On this episode, we’re visiting with Joel Bryant, actor and producer of the web series “Suck and Moan”. He’s also an accomplished standup comic as part of the comedy duo of “Deven & Joel.” We’ll also visit with Hayden Black. He is the writer, producer and co-star of “Goodnight Burbank.” Now, Hayden’s story has a wonderful twist to it that you will not want to miss.

First up is Joel Bryant. Now, tell us a bit about your story?

Joel: Absolutely. I was originally born and raised in Albuquerque in New Mexico. Lived there until I was 18 and came out here for college; actually, started acting in Albuquerque when I was 11 years old. No need to get into the arts because it was because I saw a buddy’s picture on a billboard for a local bank and he did a local commercial and everybody was talking about it and I really thought he was really cool for doing that so I thought this acting thing sounds like a blast.

So, I started looking into acting. I went into some acting classes and as soon as I started getting acting classes, I just got hooked on it. The bug kicked in so I was roped into acting classes and then after that, I started standup when I was 16 years old. I told my mom to take me to a club and to try an open mic, did it and it was great to be the young kid in the club.

I started improv when I was 17 and all that culminated in winning Outstanding Acting Award of the New Mexico Theatre Festival, which kind of cemented the fact that maybe I’m doing the right thing. I went out to Pepperdine University in Malibu on a theatre scholarship and since then, have been living in Los Angeles doing what I do.

Michael: So, my question is then what is the 16-year-old comic’s point of view in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Joel: When he was a 16-year-old at a comedy club, it’s amazing because your voice is so unique. There’s obviously not a lot of 16-year-olds there, so you’re talking about how interesting like girls are and I wonder what sex is, I wonder what drinking is and you’re so innocent and you’re naïve and the people are really on board with you because they’ve all been through that and no one can really represent that voice except coming from a real naïve 16-year-old point of view.

And it was interesting because after college just like a few years off of standup, I got back into it in my late 20’s and I tried to revisit some of those jokes, it didn’t quite fly because when you’re in your late 20’s, you’ve had the drinks, you’ve had the girl, you’ve had all these life experiences. So, it was an interesting obstacle, an interesting mountain to re-climb getting back on stage again and finding out, okay, what is my voice now? Obviously, I can’t be the naïve 16-year-old. I have a driver’s license now and not in school anymore. I have bills to pay. So, that was an interesting thing but I love being the 16-year-old. It was fun to be the kid.

Michael: So, you leave Albuquerque for LA and take us through that journey.

Joel: The reason I came out here for college, I only looked at Los Angeles schools because I always wanted to come to Los Angeles. As soon as I was a kid, I wanted to be an actor. I was in love with the idea of what Los Angeles was and so we came out for a vacation and went to Hollywood and finally realized, it’s not really glamorous there but I was still in love with the idea of it.

And so I just looked at schools out here in Los Angeles. I looked at Pepperdine and a couple of other schools and I just kind of went to the school that would give me the theatre scholarship and the best deal and Pepperdine came through. The reason why I wanted is kind of dipped my toe into Los Angeles and kind of feel it out a little bit while I’m still getting some money from the government, from mom to kind of ease into it as opposed to packing everything in a car and just moving out here not knowing anything.

So, it was a nice introduction to be in college and kind of feel the city out and feel the industry out but then when I actually graduated, they didn’t teach you a lot of the business aspect. They taught you how to act in college and how to do Bertolt Brecht and the existential movement and all that sort of stuff and then when you leave, you have no idea what a headshot is or a resume is or how to network or anything.

So, it took me a number of years in trying to maintain jobs, trying to pay for college, trying to find out what theatre were or what it wasn’t, what was worth taking. So, it took me awhile to navigate the pitfalls of Los Angeles. I think a lot of other people, they got a strong programs or they have a good mentors when they get out and I was kind of on my own a little bit and trying to figure it all out.

So, I use my same black and white headshots from my first theatre gig in college and a resume I half wrote up on paper and pencil. So, it took me a few years to figure it out.

Michael: And Joel, what was your breakthrough moment?

Joel: Oh, the breakthrough. You know that’s an interesting question. It hasn’t really been necessarily a huge breakthrough. It’s been kind of a slow steady build, it’s like I’ve always been a very proactive person, someone who really hustles and finally, in like my late 20’s, all that work start to kind of culminating into consistent work.

One of my first breakthrough, I did a film called, “Life, Death in Mini-Golf” which I was guaranteed, I thought this is going to be a hit. This is going to be huge because the role is written for me. There was a budget. There were some actors who would actually have credits. Actually, Kristen Wiig from Saturday Night Live was actually in it way before Saturday Night Live and everything. So there were all these talented people and now, with the film, I was sure it’s going to be a huge hit so that made me quit my waiting table job. So, I was like, “I’m just going to quit waiting tables. I’m taking the leap of faith now.”

Obviously, that didn’t work out as a hit movie but it did give me the impetus to, “Okay, now, I don’t have a job. Now, I really have to start acting.” Between that and meeting my wife who just has a great business mind. She has the business acumen. She’s the one who taught me that acting isn’t all living in your cars and doing black box theatre and doing three lines and a TV show or doing some small stuff. It’s a business and meeting her and knowing that business is 90% of it and then there’s 10% fun and talent, all the other good stuff that you love about it but really to focus into the business sense. She was the one that really guided me along.

Michael: Well, that’s wonderful that you have a partner that understands and keeps the business in rolling.

Joel Bryant: Absolutely, it’s the best partnership because we get to not only do we have our own individual careers. She has a huge online career. I have an online career as well as traditional media but we also tour around as a comedy duo together so we get to literally tour the world. We went to the troops overseas and performed for them, at Canada, all over the place and it’s so much fun when you get to tour with your spouse/comedy partner as opposed to calling her from the road and saying, “Hey, Italy is great.” You’re experiencing this together, the good and the bad. We did a series of prison shows. I want to do this with my wife, you know what I mean? This is how to actually experience this.

That became the goal for me later on. It was always to win an Oscar by the time I was 24 years old. That was the goal coming out of the gates but the goal slowly merged into, I want to enjoy what I’m doing and have fun doing it and that’s once I started reaching that level, I could finally step back, look around and say, you know what? I kind of make my own schedule. I’m doing things I want to do. I’m doing it with people I want to do it with and I think that became the goal. That’s the place I’m at right now.

Michael: So, then tell us a bit about your web presence. Tell us about “Suck and Moan”.

Joel: “Suck and Moan” is a web series that in the later stages of release, we have two more episodes to release. It’s played a number of festivals and it’s done really well. Got a lot of good awards which really makes me proud and it got some nice notices and reviews across the board.

It was the brainchild of a friend of mine, Brendon Fong who came to me with the idea and he had shot and everything and I’d been in the new media market for a couple of years working at other projects. He said, “I had this project ‘Suck and Moan’.” And so what it is? “Well, it’s zombie or vampires trying to survive during a zombie apocalypse.” I said that’s kind of clever. It takes two big pop cultural horror icons and smashes them together in a very satirical way so it’s kind of “Shawn of the Dead” meets vampire clerks if you will because the vampires are mad because the zombies are eating all the humans and they’re also really loud at night and all this. They’re kind of ruining the peace that these vampires have established for themselves.

It’s very tongue and cheek and it’s very fun but I’ve been in thedia, I got nominated for a Streamy Award for “After Judgment.” I’ve done some other guest spots and that kind of got me in that world and I realized how much of a fun, proactive community it is and how amazing it is that you can just create a project with a friend of yours, have other friends come on board, talented people and kind of shoot all that and meld it all together and make your own project.

So, “Suck and Moan” suckandmoan.com and we just had our big screening of our big rap party/screening of the last two episodes to a packed house up in Burbanks. So, it’s kind of, we’ve put the nail in the coffin, not to use a really bad pun right now, put the nail in the coffin on season 1 and then we’ll see where it goes.

Michael: And Joel, what advice do you have for someone coming from Boise or Springfield of Albuquerque to LA?

Joel: Coming from Albuquerque, there’s been a lot of us actually. Neil Patrick Harris from Albuquerque, Freddie Prinze Jr. Albuquerque, all went to my same high school. The advice coming from a smaller town going to a bigger town is to do everything you can within your small town before you jump into the bigger market. It’s a lot easier to gain credits and experience, be a bigger fish in a small pond before you have to jump into being a smaller fish in the big ponds.

Make your mistakes when the stakes are low. Screw up on stage in a small theatre in Albuquerque before you get cast in a huge equity show in LA and screw up there. I think that’s really the main key and then only come out when you’re ready to come out. I think people are going to want to rush coming out. Take your time. Ease into it. Find a good support system when you get out there when you got to LA or New York or Chicago. Don’t lose your head. I think the main thing is when you start actually working, don’t burn bridges and don’t be an A-hole. Show up early. Be fun to work with, do a good job and then leave a good impression behind.

Michael: Superb advice. So, what is next for Joel Bryant?

Joel: Next for Joel—looking for funding for season 2 of “Suck and Moan” and selling that. My wife and I are going to be hitting the road during December to do some holiday shows, comedy shows, private corporate stuff, which is always a nice Christmas bonus.

I also got just a couple of firm projects in the (hop) I’m making the film festival route right now doing two plays here in Los Angeles, one in February and one in March, balancing that out and actually, recently I cast in a broadway show so I’m going to be going out there hopefully, in April, I think. I got to look at the calendar. I like to keep busy, I told you.

Michael: Wonderful to hear. So, where can we keep up to date on your busy schedule?

Joel: You can always go to joelbryant.net. It’s also devengreen.com, same website, devenandjoel.com. It’s all the same website. We have all of our stuff up there. Her videos, my videos, our calendar, some fun stuffs there and Facebook, email, Twitter, all that stuffs on there and we love interacting with people so give a shout.

Michael: And how about a parting shout, Joel, a great nugget to take away?

Joel: The nugget to take away from this, from Joel Bryant, your free nugget of the day, if you will, I think, I actually closed—I was lucky enough to go teach in my alma mater at Pepperdine last year which was kind of a big honor to go talk to the kids and it sounds weird to say kids and the nugget I told them was, constantly redefine your success. I think you always have to do that. There is obviously some major goal that you want but you have to—I think your success should be very fluid. So, when I graduated college, I wanted that Oscar at 24, the Oscar didn’t come so I want to just work by 25. Work didn’t come at 25 so I just wanted to quit my day job by 27.

So, I think, keep realistic goals in mind but realize it’s very fluid and a lot is up to luck. So, you know what? Just have fun on the journey.

Michael: Thank you, Joel Bryant, for joining us today on Spidcast.

Joel: Thanks for having me.

Operator: Spidcast.

Michael: Next up is writer, producer, actor, Hayden Black. Hayden, for the benefit of those listening who haven’t heard your name yet but they will, fill us in. Tell us a bit about your story.

Hayden: A little bit about me, Hayden Black. Well, I’m from England. I come from Manchester, I moved to Florida which is not fun but been in LA for a while and I do a few shows on the web one of which is going to television which is “Goodnight Burbank.” So, I guess, the first thing about me is I identify as a writer, first and foremost.

Michael: So, tell us a bit about the process you take as a writer and also how that role expanded and evolved.

Hayden: Well, the writing is something that I’ve always done since I was in high school and then it was 2006, I was taking a class, an improv class at Upright Citizens Brigade, UCB and somebody there mentioned that they had access to a green screen studio and we should shoot stuff for the web and for mobile and this is 2006.

So, all of us, myself included were basically like, “What’s that all about?” So, I did some research and saw what was coming and I went, wow. This looks amazing. Plus, it’s a great way of letting people producers and whatnot see your stuff. So, I wrote this pilot episode. We shot it a few days later and we kind of hit the ground running but it became so successful, we started to do more and that’s when I found myself not just as a writer any longer but as a producer.

And I hadn’t acted before and I was acting in it so there were just many new hats that I suddenly found myself wearing and because there was no pressure to do the most amazing work that a billion people are going to watch immediately. It allowed me the time to learn the craft better and to do more and that’s what we have over the years.

Michael: Now, you mentioned being involved in online content as far back as 2006 which makes you a bit of a pioneer but your web series has done something quite unique. Share that with us.

Hayden: Well, we started about just over a year ago 2010, I guess it was, took a meeting with Hulu and they suggested doing a half-hour version of “Goodnight Burbank.” Up until that point, we’ve done about 30 odd episodes and just again, learning, learning, learning. And then I went back to England, I haven’t back in years and met with a couple of networks over there and pitched them some ideas one of which was a British half hour version of Burbank and they were very interested in that but they asked the question which kind of threw me. “So, what does a half-hour version look like?”

And I realized, I don’t really know. I’d original had an idea for a half-hour show. I whittled it down to five minutes so it became “Goodnight Burbank” but that was so different to this original half-hour that I’d initially created back in 2005 that it was like starting all over again. So, I then spent two months just working on developing what a half-hour version of Burbank would look like.

And then I started casting it with a new cast. We got the amazing Laura Silverman. We got Dominic Monaghan. People like John Barrowman came on board, Miracle Laurie, Camden Toy, people from the world of Dollhouse and Buffy. It was just phenomenal how just things started filling up. I wrote all six scripts which became the first season and we shot them slowly because our resources were fairly limited because now, I was in a whole new world at this point. Now, I’m producing half-hour, at that time, we couldn’t technically say half hour television but I was producing a half hour show that I’d written.

And so again, big learning curve and when we finished, two things happened. One was a company called Zodiac, the third largest production company/distribution company in the world, they saw a rough cut of the first few episodes and snapped up the global TV distribution rights and then we premiered on Hulu, it was April 25th or this year 2011 and Mark Cuban was watching and he snapped up the show for US cable the next day.

Michael: Wow. That is an amazing story. Now, everybody who gets in this business wants fame or fortune or however they measured their own success and you have achieved that. I’d like for you to tell us how that feels.

Hayden: Like it’s surreal. It’s the first feeling. I mean, it’s funny you should ask this because when we’re doing it, when you’re in the middle of it, you believe in it and you’re constantly striving to make it better and better and better in case you get the chance to go to that next platform. And you pour your heart and soul into it and as does the rest of the cast and crew by the way, this is not a one-man operation.

And so you got all this energy and you’re pouring into it and you’re all hoping and then it happened and I think when it happens, it really made me realize—I do come up with sayings but I came up with an expression that day explaining to my mom what had just happened. I said there are a million reasons to say no to something and only one reason to say yes and that is that you can’t think of a million reasons to say no.

There’s so many—just because Mark was watching the show didn’t mean that he was going to then want to pick it up for his network. So, so many—it’s just unbelievably surreal that he did and making it even more astonishing was that he wanted it immediately.

Michael: So, what were your first thought when he said, “I want to sign this.”

Hayden: Well, I was doing at the time, because I produced this whole show while doing a full time freelance day job. So, it was two careers kind of going on at the same time and I was still at the day job when we premiered and I got the email the following morning and I was then at an open-plan cubicle office over at NBC and I had to contain myself. I don’t know how I did it but I’m sure people probably still heard me jumping up and down.

Michael: That is a wonderful story. Now, knowing what you know today about the whole process, what would you do differently?

Hayden: Well, I think that the only thing that—I’m really, really glad that I put in the time to develop a show, write the scripts, keep rewriting the scripts and then rewrite the scripts more and then to keep rewriting the scripts. That was so important to the process. It was amazing, some of the things I learned as I went like watching how the crew—excuse me, the cast, kind of started jelling and finding their own chemistry. If you watched the six episodes, you can see certainly by episode 3 the cast really starting to find their feet and really starting to come together.

I think some of the pitfalls that we wound up and it’s because we have such low resources, it wasn’t until after we’d shot some of the shows that we found some issues with either sound or we’d shot on P2 cards and I think there were two scenes overall that did not transfer. One we managed to re-shoot because it was very simple and the other, sadly, we couldn’t remount so we had to take the scene as is and edit it completely way down because I think we had one angle and because the other angle was lost and these are things, if I had known, I would have ensured somebody was watching every single P2 card as it was being downloaded on to a computer, stuff like that but just keeping a big eye over things production wise.

Michael: I would guess that each of us has at some point loss some P2 footage, I know I have, right. Now, tell us about how collaboration via places like Spidvid has helped it.

Hayden: Oh, boy, when we started the original, I spoke to a guy over a company called Live Video and they were very, very happy to give us use of their green screen office. Literally, it wasn’t even a green screen studio. That was a space outside their office that was painted green and they allowed us to use that in exchange for I was allowing them to put “Goodnight Burbank” on their platform which I did not have a problem with and I think the collaborative thing is taken every step further when you start producing. You’ve got actors who are bringing their game to the table and their choices of how they deliver the lines and what they can even possibly add.

You’ve also got the crew. You couldn’t do it without a fantastic crew pitching in and taking care of things and keeping an eye out for things that only they can see and certainly stuff I’m not going to see. So, it’s an entirely collaborative medium, entirely collaborative. You couldn’t do it by yourself. Like I said, I was working two jobs. I would come back from the one job, if I’d had a bad day, I had to literally leave that at the door because it’s all trickled down if I was in a bad mood, everybody else is going to be in a crappy mood too. And that would have been the height of unprofessionalism.

So I just really had to go that extra mile sometimes, not all the times, thank god, but sometimes you just don’t have a great day.

Michael: This is great advice for the young filmmakers. Thank you so much. I’d like to know now how you found an audience for “Goodnight Burbank.”

Hayden: Well, the original show in 2006, what happened was we got a couple of reviews and one of the websites apparently was being monitored by the guys over at iTunes who were looking for stuff themselves. They saw the review of “Goodnight, Burbank” again, this is back in 2006 and then put us, they went and watched the show and then put it on the front page.

So, we got very lucky. We were one of the first ones out then we were also one of the firsts to do really well. So, we could take advantage of that. This time around for the half hour version, we have an arrangement with Hulu wherein they give us some promotion and marketing and I think, it’s just so competitive these days with so many people uploading their stuff on a daily basis, it’s not hourly. Any bit of promotion and marketing can really help.

Michael: Well, it certainly can’t hurt. Hayden, where can people see your stuff?

Hayden: They could see “Goodnight Burbank” either at goodnightburbank.com or hulu.com/goodnight-burbank and they can follow the Twitter because I update the Twitter account with jokes taken from the news every single day and that’s @goodniteburbank, with the night spelled, N-I-T-E, in the Twitter account. N-I-G-H-T everywhere else and you can also follow me on Twitter @Haydenblack where I’m writing crazy crap all the time.

Michael: Yes, as you are but it is very entertaining crap. All right, Hayden, our time is short. You’ve had a degree of success. I was wondering if you could pay it forward just a bit. How about some free advice for someone just getting ready to dip their toe into producing web content?

Hayden: I would say, when you’re doing this, this is a fantastic form that’s open to us all. We can all now use the web as a means of distribution but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should. It’s a great, to me, like when we started “Goodnight Burbank,” it wasn’t done in a sense of, “Oh, my god, let’s conquer the web. Let’s show the world how brilliant we are.” It was really done more out of a sense of let’s see what we can do and let’s see how we can learn and I see this, it’s a fantastic learning opportunity but I see a lot of people are so terribly impatient and they want everybody to look at what they’ve just done and oftentimes, it’s not there yet. They haven’t spent the time working out the scripts or casting it well or whatever.

And I think that we all have to do those things to learn from them but we shouldn’t be imploring everybody else to watch our mistakes. We should just be learning from them and that’s how we started “Goodnight Burbank.” We didn’t start out perfect. We’re still not perfect but just being patient and really realizing what this medium can truly bring to you. It’s a fantastic lesson, every time you do something and upload it, you’re learning and that’s how—Spielberg still I’m sure learns from every project he’s done and continues making even making better content.

Michael: Hayden, I got to tell you, stories like yours and series like yours is what keeps new filmmakers jumping in and making new and exciting content. We thank you for that. I’m so tickled for your success.

Hayden: Oh, thank you so much. I am too, still feel very surreal.

Michael: As well you should be. Thank you, Hayden Black, for joining us today on Spidcast.

Hayden: It’s my pleasure, Michael.

Michael: Thanks for listening to our Spidcast show. We appreciate your time and attention. You can now join the conversation at spidvid.com or at our Spidvid blog and you can join our collaborative filmmaking community at spidvid.com. Tune in next month for another entertaining and informative episode of Spidcast. Likes: 4 Viewed:

The post Hayden Black and Joel Bryant Guests On Spidcast December 2011 appeared first on Good Info.

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theseventhhex · 7 years ago

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Wolf Alice Interview

Theo Ellis, Joff Oddie, Ellie Rowsell & Joel Amey

Photo by Laura Allard Fleischl

Having encountered such amazing highs and really extreme lows over the last two years, Wolf Alice has documented such disorientating details with miniature epiphanies and tiny apocalypses from an extreme ride and the lull that came after, which make up the band’s second record, ‘Visions Of A Life’. Instead of floundering or foundering, Wolf Alice channelled their restless energy into a forward motion. Regrouping in London, they spent intense weeks in the rehearsal room, working out their experiences with a wealth of new material. Though political turmoil seeped into the emotional extremes of ‘Visions Of A Life’, it’s fundamentally a personal album, and one of great growth for Wolf Alice. The intensity of success – something that breaks or at least tests many young bands – has brought them only closer together… We talk to Joel Amey about the band dynamic, extensive touring and beans on toast…

TSH: In the wake of 'Visions of a Life' being completed, do you feel this record implies a significant level of growth and maturity from the band?

Joel: Yeah, that was basically the aim, to improve and mature as musicians. Bringing this album together was a real thrill. For the first time we had our own rehearsal space where we had all of our gear setup, which was so helpful. We ended up finishing a lot of music in one take. Timekeeping is not my forte as a drummer, I'm always all over the shop, but I remember having a very personal goal to get better at that. Everyone in the band is really proud of this album. Each member has improved massively since the first release. We each took ourselves out of our comfort zones and you can really hear this, as opposed to slight limitations on the first record. I guess a couple of years of hard touring definitely made us a better band.

TSH: What was the atmosphere like in the studio?

Joel: A mix of fun and focus. We used to previously rehearse all the time via renting space, but it became knackering having to always setup and pack up. This time we were located at Fortress Studios on Old Street. We had all of our gear setup five days a week from 11 to 7. It was over the Christmas period and we had so many ideas floating around, plus it was even more pleasing to have so much natural momentum to make things easier overall.

TSH: How impressed have you been to be able to witness Ellie's songwriting and general musicality improve first-hand?

Joel: Ellie is just a remarkable musician. I personally like to take a step back and simply admire playing with someone like her. She's constantly coming in with ideas that just blow my mind; she truly is such a talented artist. I sound biased, but honestly, her ideas make it very interesting being in the studio for 10 hours a day. Also, the same goes for Joff and Theo, they complete the puzzle with so much creativity of their own. I can't imagine playing music without these three. We have such a unified feel and everyone has weird ideas to contribute with, which is why we work so well together. It's a combination of us all gelling so well.

TSH: Talk us through how you went about formulating the excellent 'Don't Delete the Kisses'...

Joel: That song was probably the one that had the most facelifts during the recording process. It started off as a totally different demo that Ellie had, and then in the live room it become more of a live version. We even had a horrible EDM version of it, ha! The song went through many changes before we got it to flow right. I feel that the energy of going 4/4 at the end was just was something we had to do to get the right result. It's not something that we'd normally look to do, but we sacrificed the outcome somewhat so the direction of the track could feel complete.

TSH: 'Yuk Foo' entails the feeling of just wanting to shout and let it all out...

Joel: Exactly! It's basically about having enough and just wanting to explode. To me, that track just has this energy that we've never collectively been able to develop as a band before. 'Yuk Foo' really set the tone for the album in many ways. The song is actually quite old; we played it on tour in America last March for a few nights as an experiment. When Ellie mentioned this song again, I instantly understood the harsher direction of it straight away. It's such a direct song and I'm so glad that it hasn't gone over people's heads, and more importantly that our fans like it.

TSH: Has it been quite a difficult adjustment to get back into the real world after so much extensive touring and time spent on the road?

Joel: Yeah, definitely. We all have very different personal lives, even though we are very close with each other. We each had to make readjustments of different kinds once we all got home. Even though you're touring, everything else is still running at the same time, including your personal life, so it can get quite heavy. I personally like to come back and pick up the pieces with certain parts of my life in order to feel a positive frame of mind.

TSH: What was it like to tour America during so much political unrest?

Joel: Well, it really was so fascinating to experience so many different American traditions whilst on tour. I guess you can't really moan about touring being hard when you get to oversee so much beauty across America. But yeah, being in America during so much negativity was really interesting. It was weird to be a fly on the wall and see it all unfold while we were there. We actually moved from Los Angeles the day Trump was elected and there was a lot of physical unrest. I guess we did feel like we got sucked into the anxieties and problems of the country, besides we were not really existing in one place, we were just dipping in and out of so many different locations.

TSH: You've also been more into politics recently too, encouraging people to vote...

Joel: Yeah, you know, I've never really felt particularly confident about politics because I've always felt and wondered if I knew enough to have an opinion. However, now I've realised that everyone deserves to have an opinion. It's great to see someone like Jeremy Corbyn inspire so many people close to me, which is what it's all about - inspiring positive conversations for change. It's also really refreshing to know that everyone in this band wants to help with such unfortunate global issues too. As citizens, we can make a change for the better. There's no point sitting in the pub moaning when you can be active.

TSH: What's downtime like for you?

Joel: Recently, I've just been spending time at my family’s house doing all the things that touring won't allow, ha! It's been nice to be back spending time with my mother in the countryside where she lives. I'm probably spending too much time having constant Netflix and chill sessions. Then again, it's been a very wet summer, which is a really good excuse to sit inside and watch the whole of Twin Peaks in one go.

TSH: Being back home, you must be having your fair share of beans on toast...

Joel: Ah dude, of course! Beans on toast was honestly the first thing that I ate when I came back from America! They just don't get it over there. In America, they don't understand beans on toast at all! It's the type of food that never fails you.

TSH: You're also a huge admirer of Father John Misty...

Joel: I just really like the way he presents himself. Josh Tillman is just so multi-layered and creative, and he has a knack for such beautiful songwriting. For somebody who seems quiet unhinged, you wonder whether his whole persona is part of his character, however, it's still fascinating. Music needs enigmas and personalities like Father John Misty to remind us that the element of great songwriting is still present. His song 'True Affection' is actually one of my favourite songs of all time.

TSH: Looking ahead, what sort of opportunities do you relish with Wolf Alice?

Joel: Right now, we're just really excited to share our new record with our fans and to play the new material onstage. We have many fans that have been really looking forward to this new record, and now it's down to us to put on the best shows that we can. It starts all over again now. As a band we are well prepared to have continuous shared experiences with our audiences wherever we go.

Wolf Alice - “Don't Delete the Kisses”

Wolf Alice - “Beautifully Unconventional”

Visions of a Life

#Interview #Wolf Alice #ellie rowsell

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rwybstory · 7 years ago

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Bad Words

“We’re back with Adrianna and Mackenzie Guerrilla!” Ellen speaks into the camera while the audience claps; the two women smiling on the couch next to the host. “So, let’s talk about the family. You two are getting quite the Brady Bunch.”

The wives and the audience both laugh, but soon turn into ‘awe’s as the large screen behind them shows a picture of the whole family from a couple weeks prior.

“Look at our babies.” Adrianna beams.

“We definitely make some good looking kids.” Mackenzie laughs and Adrianna can’t help, but to kiss her wife. She’s so proud of how far they’ve come.

“So, how is everything going? You guys have, what, twenty kids now?”

“Nooo,” Kenz draws out. “We have six. Autumn June, Conner James, Anya Janae, Radley Joel, and the newest two: Olive Joy and Brock Jaxon. Who are respectively, now, eleven, ten, four, and the babies will be two next month.”

“Wow! And how do you two manage that at the young age of eighteen?”

“Oh wow!” Ade fakes surprise. “I wish we were still eighteen, but thanks for that compliment!”

“I’m just kidding, but honestly, they might look young, but that’s because they really are. How old are you both?”

“A lady never tells her age, Ellen.” Mackenzie winks.

“But her wife does.” Adrianna finished to a laugh from the audience and the host. “Kenz is turning thirty next month and I am thirty-one.”

Some of the audience gasp, but most clap and whistle for the two guests.

“So, how big is your whole family now? I know both your families are extremely close.”

“Umm..” Adrianna starts naming people while Mackenzie ticks off, “There’s the eight of us. My parents, her parents, Naya and Heather makes five, Mychal and Lea make four, Miguel and Alison are three, Carlos and Holly will be four once the twins are born, Nickayla and Brent, and Lilly and Becca, so…”

“Thirty-two people is a normal family dinner for us.” Mackenzie laughs because it’s just normal to her, but she’s never actually counted everyone out before and it’s a huge number.

“So, do your kids help? Like, when you have a family gathering. I’d imagine they help.”

“Definitely,” Adrianna starts. “Autumn, our oldest, gets her OCD from Mackenzie and so the two of them are usually in charge of cleaning. They’ll usually recruit Radley and the babies.”

“Really? Not Conner or Anya.”

Mackenzie laughs. “Oh, no.. they get their cleaning skills from their mama which is ‘we’ll just wait until the last minute to clean.’ They know that doesn’t fly with me. Radley will usually help Autumn cleaning up the toy room and living room. The babies help me in the nursery and our bedroom and bathroom.”

“You’re telling me two year olds help you clean..” Ellen gives a non-believing look.

“Yes!” Mackenzie defends herself as Adrianna and the audience laugh.

“Honestly, Ellen, if I didn’t see it myself, I would think she’s lying too, but they help her dust, they help with laundry, they sweep the floors. Obviously, we’re not saying things are perfect, but it gets them doing something other than sitting in front of an electronic.”

“What are Conner and Anya doing when all this is going on?”

“They’re with Ade in the kitchen. The three of them love cooking and dishes are something they all willingly clean.”

“Nice! Backing up a little.. you two have always been pretty vocal about children and electronics and you’ve written multiple children's books, some on the topic of electronics. Why don’t we talk more about that?”

The two women look at each other to silently determine who would talk. Adrianna let’s Mackenzie.

“I mean, it’s kind of public knowledge now about how I grew up and was raised. My parents weren’t around a lot and I had kind of a revolving door of nannies who were usually there for a paycheck. Adrianna and I just really love being in the moment with our kids and always finding a way to learn and grow with them and watch them throughout their journey. We don’t completely ban electronics. We watch movies on Netflix and they have iPads and game consoles, but it’s limited and we know what their playing and watching. So many kids now are playing and watching things that are so mature for their age and they aren’t learning to be kids, so I think that’s just our view on it.”

“Well, a lot of people must think the same, because every one of your seven books have made it to the number one spot on the New York Times best-seller list!”

Again, the audience claps and Ellen cuts to a commercial break after announcing that every guest in the audience was getting a bundle of all seven books.

“We’re doing a special hour-long segment with your favorite mommies, Adrianna and Mackenzie!” Ellen waits for the audience to calm down. “Most of these questions come from audience members, so let’s go out to some of them right now. Where’s Maya Gold?”

A loud screaming came from the left side of the audience while a microphone was being passed down the aisle.

“Hello, ladies!”

“Hi!” The two answer in unison.

“I've been in a relationship for five years now and my question is: how do you keep the romance and sexiness in your relationship?”

Ooohhh’s fill the studio and Adrianna decides to answer the question.

“I wanna say something cheesy, like, ‘Have you seen how beautiful my wife is?’” The audience laughs as Mackenzie playfully slaps her arm. “But honestly it's not about looks or sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great!” Mackenzie hides her face while Ellen and Adrianna give five. “But when you have a connection with someone, such a connection that a kiss can make you weak in the knees; you can't beat that.”

“I agree.” Mackenzie talks over the audience. “We’re not always sexy and romantic. We’re also full time moms, so sometimes things can get a little crazy, but we do cheesy things to keep the romance up like make blanket forts and send the kids to grandma’s for the night to have the house to ourselves. We rent movies and just talk. Reconnect as a couple. We’re just normal parents. I will say that we both make an active effort to talk strictly our relationship everyday. We ask each other how the other is feeling or if something needs to be done. No kid talk. No business talk. Just us as a couple and that helps a lot.”

“Next question.. We have Esmeralda Martinez.”

“Hello! My question is: Have any of your kids said a curse word?”

“Oh my gosh. Yes!” Mackenzie exclaims. “All six of them, because their mama has a very bad habit of cursing in front of them.”

“Um, so does their Tía Naya!” Adrianna attempts to defend herself. “Anya’s first curse word was because of Naya. Not me.”

“Doesn't matter. You both need to stop.”

“Sí. Sí. Lo que tu digas.”

Mackenzie gasps. “Adrianna Isabella. You did not just whatever me!”

“I did, pero lo siento.” Ade kisses Kenzie’s cheek, but the blonde wasn't having it.

“No hemos terminado con esta.”

“She said ‘We’re not done with this conversation.’ Great, you all got me in trouble. Trying to act like a badass for you all and now I'm in trouble.” Adrianna pleads to the audience and Ellen.

“Oh boy So, I'm assuming the kids speak Spanish as well?”

“Yes, they’re fluent in Spanish and sign language and they’re all currently learning French.”

“And they know how to curse in two of those.” Mackenzie continues from moment before.

“See, but mommy, they learned how to curse in ASL from you. She’s got a potty mouth, people.” She turns to the audience. “Don’t believe the angelic exterior.”

Mackenzie again playfully slaps Adrianna’s arm and kisses her cheek while Ellen calls for the next question.

“Hello, ladies!” The audience member gushes. “My question is: If you could come up with a hashtag for your wife, what would it be?”

The two take a moment to think before Mackenzie answers. “Ade’s would be #tiredbutnottired. She is such a hard worker and such an attentive mother that she makes everything look so easy even though she’s exhausted.”

“Kenzie’s would probably be #iwasntjoking. She’s so witty and sarcastic. Which she gets from her sister.” She playfully rolls her eyes. “That so many people think she’s joking when she could, like, tear you to pieces. I’m telling you guys! I’m sure a lot of you have seen her in some of her many ‘twitter feuds.’”

Next question: “Hello! I’m a stay at home mom of two kids, ages 2 and 3, and currently 24 weeks pregnant with twins. I was just wondering how you introduced your kids to their younger siblings and if there was any jealousy.”

“Congratulations!” Mackenzie starts. “Well, Autumn was barely one when our older twins were born and she was kinda fascinated with them.” She looked to Ade who nodded in agreement. “When we decided to have Radley, the older three were 7 and 6 and they had been asking for years to have another sibling. They were such great helpers.”

“Now, our little Rad..” Ade jumps in and Kenz laughs, knowing the story. “Rad was two when the twins were born and he absolutely hated them for a couple months. They cried, he cried louder. They got a pacifier, he took it. Pulled their hair. Pinched them. He tried to bite Livy once, but we stopped him before he could. We just continually worked and played with him and made sure that he got attention from us, separate from the babies. After the first, maybe month and a half, he was fine and left them alone.”

“Now, he’s all over them to play. Now that they’re older.”

“Okay, one last question from the audience, where’s Alex Rydel?”

“Hello!”

“Oh my gosh! Hey, Alex!”

“Hey, gorgeous!” Ade calls out. “Alex has been one of our biggest supporters for years.”

“Hey, ladies. My question is: What are you most afraid of?”

“No! I refuse to answer.” Mackenzie instantly gets defensive and starts looking around the set. “Alex, you probably planned this with Ellen to scare me!”

The audience laughs as the blonde stands up and starts pacing. Adrianna pulls her sideways into her lap, Mack’s right arm instinctively wrapping around her wife’s shoulders and left hand tangling in her right.

“Baby, you know I scared Ellen years ago and told her if she ever scared you, she’d be in trouble.”

“En serio, Adrianna, qué control tienes sobre Ellen? Eh? Ninguno! Ella es Ellen!”

Adrianna laughs and again acts as translator. “ When Kenz is real serious, she switches to Spanish. She said I have no control over Ellen, because she’s Ellen! Back to the question. I’m most afraid of wild animals. Even, like, open zoos terrify me. Babe?”

“Aliens.” She whispers and quickly whips around to make sure no one is sneaking up on her.

“Aliens aren’t real!” Alex laughs.

“You don’t know that, Alexis!”

“Ohhhh, full-named!” Adrianna jokes.

“I’ve seen the documentaries. I’ve read the books! I swear I saw them when I was young..”

“AHHHH!”

“AHHHH! Pinche pendejo!” (Fucking asshole!)

Adrianna, along with Ellen and the audience, lose their minds laughing so hard as Mackenzie runs after the poor staff member dressed in a green alien costume.

“And she says the kids only get their cursing from me!” Adrianna shakes her head, waves to the audience, and runs to save the staff member from her wife.

#adrienzie #lesbian #lesbian relationship #lesbian family #soulmates #writing #stories #rwybstory #right where you belong

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toldnews-blog · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/technology/entertainment/watch-american-idol-cast-on-life-outside-the-show/

WATCH: 'American Idol' cast on life outside the show

Transcript for ‘American Idol’ cast on life outside the show

One of the most popular reality competition shows ever is back on the hunt for the next “American idol.” And here are the people who are gonna make one lucky singer’s wildest dreams come true. Please welcome, host Ryan Seacrest, and judges Luke Bryan, Katy Perry, and Lionel Richie. ?????? hello! We generally hug but since this are so many of you, we have to figure out how to — No hugging. I want to hug all of you so We have to maneuver the hugging. ? Down goes Kate. These chairs are kind of slippery. These stools are not the easiest. What do you do in the ’70s? We slid off the chairs. We had our platform shoes to protect us. Krgs args trgs Y, we hear congratulations are in order. You’re engaged. To your then-boyfriend, now fee yap say, Orlando bloom. I am. So congratulations. Thank you very much. Were you surprised? Was it planned? Mgt um, of course I was surprised. I was really surprised when my mother posted all the pictures on Facebook. Oh, no. Moms get a pass. ? They do. It’s been lovely. It’s a whole different feeling. Well, congratulations. Last chance. The last time you were on the show was 2008, I found out. Wow. Where you been hiding? Mgt for the release of your first megahit, “I kissed a girl.” My gosh. Way before my plastic surgery. And apparently this happened. What the? Thank you. I liked it. And she liked it. The ratings have gone down ever since. When that song cam out, it was such a huge hit. When did you realize, wow, I’ve made it? For all of us, and Ryan, you host a lot of things, you would probably know that. Something like hosting the oscars is like touching the you don’t want to do it, but you’re scared of it. You have to do it. The super bowl was that moment for me. And you were amazing. Thank you. Everybody was talking about We’re talking about hit I can’t believe this, but “We are the world” came out 35 years ago. It’s it amazing? Such a beautiful example of people coming together. I think we could really use that right now. What do you remember from writing that song? There are several amazing moments. I’ll tell you one funny story. Ray Charles. Was asking during the ceremony, he said, I have to stop and go to the bathroom. And so — um — no up with’s ever heard this story. It’s an exclusive. Stevie said, it’s down the hall and to the right. Stevie wonder. Stevie wonder. Ray said, down the hall. Stevie said, I’ll take you. So Stevie grabs ray by the arms. Walks out of the door. And Billy Joel turned to me, whoever it was, and said, did anybody see that? Did anybody hear that? He took him out to the — that’s what happened. Amazing. That’s what I remember most. Wow. I have to shout out in my sister in the audience. She missed school to be here. She loves all of you. Gracie. Gracie. She’s the biggest fan of Luke Bryan. She went to bed. What’s up? She wept to bed wearing your t-shirt last night. I’m like this is very real. It’s very real. I’m blushing. You’re such a family guy. And, a part of your new music video, you have two of your sons in it. Your nephew in it. I want to know how you keep life so normal. Is it? Is it normal? CHLT you talk about the ups and the downs. It’s funny. You talk about that video. We’re sitting there. Staging this campfire moment with me and my boys. And, they — physically start fighting and beating each other and it’s — you know — so we get the video editing time. They’re like, we don’t know if we need to have the fight on. So we kind of manipulated how bad they were being. You have to separate them. But the main thing is I think it’s about having your core group of buddies that keep it real for you. Mm-hmm. And you have to have your wife calling you out on your little — And she sure does. Yes. We love you, sweetie. I think it’s about — I think it’s about that core group. But then it’s about just trying to have fun with all this stuff, too. Have fun. We — we try during the Summers, I get — sometimes I’ll take one of my boys and bring them out on the road with me and I call two days later and tell my wife she can have him back. But, you know, just trying to — just trying to make time and spread it all out. You get it right some days. You get it wrong some days. It’s no different than a normal house hold. And — but — You’re always on some sort of adventure with your boys. We adventure it up quite well. I’m like one of those naive dads that — I’m like the Clark w.griswold deal. I start with good intentions. And naiveness. And it just — falls apart. Yeah. Same here. It implodes. You never know what is going to happen with baumplg of people. Yeah, and look how many people are up here now. Ryan, you have too many job, okay? How many jobs have you got snjt oh, I don’t know. Ryan — I think you were hosting two red carpets for two different networks. When do you sleep? I sleep at the same time you do. 9:9. I put my head on the pillow. I sleep quickly. We were doing the “American idol” auditions. I would do live with Kelly and Ryan. Fly to Houston. What’s the craziest day you have had? I think the audition days are crazy. I get up, do a talk show. A radio show for Los Angeles. Fly to the other side of the country for three hours of auditions with this gang and comeack here the next morning. I work best when I’m busy. Is caffeine your friend? Yes. Total self-control not to chug this right now. We gotta brag on Ryan. Because, like, we were taping stuff last week. Sometime he’s taping stuff that we’re not in the frame. So we’re sitting back there and talking. We’re talking. We hear him make a mistake. And we’re like — what was that? Even is like, Ryan Seacrest made the first mistake in ten years. We were on tape so I didn’t really prepare.

This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.

#bollywood movie #celebrity gossip #celebrity news #entertainment news #hollywood movies #movie reviews #music concerts

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fatlier1-blog · 6 years ago

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Faced With Tough Stretch, Team Eager to Learn More About Itself

It’s no secret the 76ers are entering a challenging part of their schedule.

This reality was only reaffirmed by the playoff-like battle the team found itself in on Christmas Day at TD Garden, where the Boston Celtics emerged with an overtime victory, 121-114.

Regardless of the obstacles that surface in the days and weeks ahead, as the demands and difficulty of the schedule intensify, the Sixers are ready - read ‘eager,’ actually - to confront this stretch of their slate head on.

“All you have to do is look at what happens starting tonight,” Brett Brown said Saturday, hours before his Sixers took on the NBA-best Toronto Raptors at The Center. “Then, we all fly to play the Boston Celtics [on Christmas], and everybody gets our memories of playing them. Then, you hit the road with the team, and you see who we’re playing.”

Up first Thursday are the Utah Jazz (17-18, 11th-Western Conference), a club that figures to be in the playoff hunt all season long. Then, it’s the Portland Trail Blazers (19-15, 6th-WC), followed by dates with the LA Clippers (19-14, 4th-WC) and te Phoenix Suns (8-26, 15th-WC).

Once the Sixers get back home, they host rookie standout Luka Doncic and the upstart Dallas Mavericks (15-17, 12th-Western Conference). Not too long after that, there’s a clump of match-ups against the Indiana Pacers (22-12, 3rd-Eastern Conference), Oklahoma City Thunder (21-12, 3rd-WC), Houston Rockets (18-15, 7th-WC), and San Antonio Spurs (18-16, 9th-WC) all in a row.

Then, the Sixers make their second and final trek of the season out West, visiting the Denver Nuggets (21-10, 1st-WC), Los Angeles Lakers (20-14, 4th-WC), Golden State Warriors (23-12, 2nd-WC), and Sacramento Kings (18-15, 8th-WC).

“It is real, and it’s just the way it should be,” said Brown, referring to the Sixers’ looming gauntlet. “We love it, we want this, and we hope we can extract as much health to perform against that schedule as possible.”

In turn, the Sixers’ front office will then be able to extract an even better sense of the organization’s needs heading into a critical period of the league calendar.

Once the Sixers return from their road game at Sacramento, less than a week will remain before the February 7th trade deadline. March 1st marks the last chance to sign buyout candidates.

Recently, Elton Brand said he’s been “very encouraged” by the Sixers’ performance. In the same breath, he also acknowledge the group isn’t a “finished product” yet.

When told about Brown’s enthusiasm for the games right in front of the Sixers, Brand joked, “I’m glad he’s looking forward to it.”

“I know most of our needs,” the first-year general manager said. “I just want to see how the young players, the bench is developing, and can we play with some of these teams that are elite, some of these West Coast teams on the road. This is a huge stretch for us right now.”

Accounting for the big picture a third of the way into the season, the Sixers, at 22-13, are the sixth-best team in the NBA, based on record. That’s not just saying something, but saying something good.

They have two All-Stars on the roster, in Joel Embiid and Jimmy Butler, and could wind up with a third, in Ben Simmons, before all is said and done.

The Sixers have shown they can hang with just about anyone. Over the next six weeks, before important decisions are made, they’ll likely find out how close they are to being top-of-class.

“I think...where are we realistically [will] be more clearly determined,” Brown said about the upcoming portion of the Sixers’ campaign. “For that simple reason, you love it. That’s what this time the year, and especially the schedule we’re playing, does for me. This middle third we will be completely tested right from the get go.”

Source: https://www.nba.com/sixers/news/faced-tough-stretch-team-eager-learn-more

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blackkudos · 8 years ago

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Roberta Flack

Roberta Cleopatra Flack (born February 10, 1939) is an American singer and musician. She is best known for her classic #1 singles "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", "Killing Me Softly with His Song" and "Feel Like Makin' Love", and for "Where Is the Love" and "The Closer I Get to You", two of her many duets with Donny Hathaway.

Flack was the first, and remains the only, solo artist to win the Grammy Award for Record of the Year on two consecutive years: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" won at the 1973 Grammys as did "Killing Me Softly with His Song" at the 1974 Grammys.

Early life

Flack lived with a musical family, born in Black Mountain, North Carolina to parents Laron LeRoy (October 11, 1911 – July 12, 1959) and Irene Flack (September 28, 1911 – January 17, 1981) a church organist, on February 10, 1939 (some sources give her birth year as 1937) and raised in Arlington, Virginia. She first discovered the work of African American musical artists when she heard Mahalia Jackson and Sam Cooke sing in a predominantly African-American Baptist church.

When Flack was 9, she started taking an interest in playing the piano, and during her early teens, Flack so excelled at classical piano that Howard University awarded her a full music scholarship. By age 15, she entered Howard University, making her one of the youngest students ever to enroll there. She eventually changed her major from piano to voice, and became an assistant conductor of the university choir. Her direction of a production of Aida received a standing ovation from the Howard University faculty. Flack is a member of Delta Sigma Theta sorority and was made an honorary member of Tau Beta Sigma by the Eta Delta Chapter at Howard University for her outstanding work in promoting music education.

Roberta Flack became a student teacher at a school near Chevy Chase, Maryland. She graduated from Howard University at 19 and began graduate studies in music, but the sudden death of her father forced her to take a job teaching music and English for $2800 a year in Farmville, North Carolina.

Career

Early career

Before becoming a professional singer-songwriter, Flack returned to Washington, D.C. and taught at Browne Junior High and Rabaut Junior High. She also taught private piano lessons out of her home on Euclid St. NW. During this period, her music career began to take shape on evenings and weekends in Washington, D.C. area night spots. At the Tivoli Club, she accompanied opera singers at the piano. During intermissions, she would sing blues, folk, and pop standards in a back room, accompanying herself on the piano. Later, she performed several nights a week at the 1520 Club, again providing her own piano accompaniment. Around this time, her voice teacher, Frederick "Wilkie" Wilkerson, told her that he saw a brighter future for her in pop music than in the classics. She modified her repertoire accordingly and her reputation spread. Flack began singing professionally after being hired to perform regularly at Mr. Henry's Restaurant, on Capitol Hill, Washington, DC in 1968.

Mr. Henry’s is still in operation at 6th and Pennsylvania Ave, SE, and was owned by Henry Yaffe.

The atmosphere in Mr. Henry’s was welcoming and the club turned into a showcase for the young music teacher. Her voice mesmerized locals and word spread. A-list entertainers who were appearing in town would come in late at night to hear her sing (frequent visitors included Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Ramsey Lewis and others).

As Yaffe recalled, “She told me if I could give her work there three nights a week, she would quit teaching.” He did and she did.

To meet Roberta’s exacting standards, Yaffe transformed the apartment above the bar into the Roberta Flack Room. “I got the oak paneling from the old Dodge Hotel near Union Station. I put in heavy upholstered chairs, sort of a conservative style from the 50s and an acoustical system designed especially for Roberta. She was very demanding. She was a perfectionist.”

1970s

Les McCann discovered Flack singing and playing jazz in a Washington nightclub. He later said on the liner notes of what would be her first album First Take noted below, "Her voice touched, tapped, trapped, and kicked every emotion I've ever known. I laughed, cried, and screamed for more...she alone had the voice." Very quickly, he arranged an audition for her with Atlantic Records, during which she played 42 songs in 3 hours for producer Joel Dorn. In November 1968, she recorded 39 song demos in less than 10 hours. Three months later, Atlantic reportedly recorded Roberta's debut album, First Take, in a mere 10 hours. Flack later spoke of those studio sessions as a "very naive and beautiful approach... I was comfortable with the music because I had worked on all these songs for all the years I had worked at Mr. Henry's."

Flack's cover version of "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" hit number 76 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1972. Her Atlantic recordings did not sell particularly well, until actor/director Clint Eastwood chose a song from First Take, "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", for the sound track of his directorial debut Play Misty for Me; it became the biggest hit of the year for 1972 – spending six consecutive weeks at #1 and earning Flack a million-selling Gold disc. The First Take album also went to #1 and eventually sold 1.9 million copies in the United States. Eastwood, who paid $2,000 for the use of the song in the film, has remained an admirer and friend of Flack's ever since. It was awarded the Grammy Award for Record of the Year in 1973. In 1983, she recorded the end music to the Dirty Harry film Sudden Impact at Eastwood's request.

In 1972, Flack began recording regularly with Donny Hathaway, scoring hits such as the Grammy-winning "Where Is the Love" (1972) and later "The Closer I Get to You" (1978) – both million-selling gold singles. Flack and Hathaway recorded several duets together, including two LPs, until Hathaway's 1979 death.

On her own, Flack scored her second #1 hit in 1973, "Killing Me Softly with His Song" written by Charles Fox and Norman Gimbel, and originally performed by Lori Lieberman. It was awarded both Record of the Year and Best Pop Vocal Performance, Female at the 1974 Grammy Awards. Its parent album was Flack's biggest-selling disc, eventually earning double platinum certification. In 1974, Flack released "Feel Like Makin' Love," which became her third and final #1 hit to date on the Hot 100. That same year, Flack sang the lead on a Sherman Brothers song called "Freedom", which featured prominently at the opening and closing of the movie Huckleberry Finn.

1980s

Roberta Flack had a 1982 hit single with "Making Love", written by Burt Bacharach (the title track of the 1982 film of the same name), which reached #13. She began working with Peabo Bryson with more limited success, charting as high as #5 on the R&B chart (plus #16 Pop and #4 Adult Contemporary) with "Tonight, I Celebrate My Love" in 1983. Her next two singles with Bryson, "You're Looking Like Love To Me" and "I Just Came Here To Dance," fared better on adult contemporary (AC) radio than on pop or R&B radio.

In 1986, Flack sang the theme song entitled "Together Through the Years" for the NBC television series, Valerie later known as The Hogan Family. The song was used throughout the show's six seasons. Oasis was released in 1988 and failed to make an impact with pop audiences, though the title track reached #1 on the R&B chart and a remix of "Uh-Uh Ooh-Ooh Look Out (Here It Comes)" topped the dance chart in 1989. Flack found herself again in the US Top 10 with the hit song "Set the Night to Music", a 1991 duet with Jamaican vocalist Maxi Priest that peaked at #6 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts and #2 AC. Flack's smooth R&B sound lent itself easily to Easy Listening airplay during the 1970s, and she has had four #1 AC hits.

Later career

In 1999, a star with Flack's name was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. That same year, she gave a concert tour in South Africa; the final performance was attended by President Nelson Mandela. In 2010, she appeared on the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards, singing a duet of "Where Is The Love" with Maxwell.

In February 2012, Flack released Let it Be Roberta, an album of Beatles covers including "Hey Jude" and "Let It Be". It is her first recording in over eight years. Flack knew John Lennon and Yoko Ono, as both households moved in 1975 into The Dakota apartment building in New York City, and had apartments across the hall from each other. Flack has stated that she has already been asked to do a second album of Beatles covers. She is currently involved in an interpretative album of the Beatles' classics.

Personal life

Flack is a member of the Artist Empowerment Coalition, which advocates the right of artists to control their creative properties. She is also a spokeswoman for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals; her appearance in commercials for the ASPCA featured "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". In the Bronx section of New York City, the Hyde Leadership Chart School's after-school music program is called "The Roberta Flack School of Music" and is in partnership with Flack, who founded the school, which provides free music education to underprivileged students.

Between 1966 and 1972, she was married to Steve Novosel. Flack is the aunt of the professional ice skater Rory Flack. She is mother to rhythm and blues musician Bernard Wright.

According to DNA analysis she is of Cameroon descent.

In popular culture

Her collaboration with Donny Hathaway is mentioned in the song "What A Catch, Donnie" on Fall Out Boy's fifth studio album, Folie à Deux.

American experimental producer Flying Lotus had a song named after her ("RobertaFlack") on his Los Angeles album.

In 1991, Hong Kong singer Sandy Lam recorded a covered version of "And So It Goes" called "微涼" in the album 夢了、瘋了、倦了. Although it was not officially promoted by the record company, it was played by many DJs.

In the Red Hot Chili Peppers' song "My Lovely Man", on the album Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Anthony Kiedis sang "I listen to Roberta Flack, but I know you won't come back."

She is a favourite singer of Vic Wilcox, manager of an engineering firm in David Lodge's campus/industrial novel "Nice Work", winner of the Sunday Express Book of the Year award in 1988.

In the 2013 Marvel movie, X-Men, Days of Future Past, her hit "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" is playing on the radio in the room when Hugh Jackman's character, Wolverine's consciousness initially arrives back in 1973.

Accolades

Flack was inducted into the North Carolina Music Hall of Fame in 2009.

Grammy Awards

The Grammy Awards are awarded annually by the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. Flack has received four awards from thirteen nominations.

American Music Awards

The American Music Awards is an annual awards ceremony created by Dick Clark in 1973. Flack has received one award from six nominations.

Discography

First Take (1969)

Chapter Two (1970)

Quiet Fire (1971)

Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway (1972)

Killing Me Softly (1973)

Feel Like Makin' Love (1975)

Blue Lights in the Basement (1977)

Roberta Flack (1978)

Roberta Flack Featuring Donny Hathaway (1979)

I'm the One (1982)

Born to Love (1983)

Oasis (1988)

Set the Night to Music (1991)

Roberta (1994)

The Christmas Album (1997)

Holiday (2003)

Wikipedia

#Roberta Flack

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shervonfakhimi · 5 years ago

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The NBA Characters Who Can Shape the Second Half of the NBA Season

The 2nd half of the NBA calendar is nearly upon us. After going through the seemingly endless malaise of the dog days of the NBA season, the tone was set for the end of the season with that jaw-dropping, epic All-Star game on Sunday Night. However, there is still plenty to be sorted out between now and June. With that being said, there are a few players that can determine how the rest of the season (or beyond) shapes out. So let’s go through some of them!

Ja Morant PG Memphis Grizzlies: Vegas projected the Grizzlies at 27.5 wins to start the season. They’re already at 28 wins with 28 more games to go, in large part because of rookie sensation Ja Morant. We all know Ja can fly effortlessly and nearly end careers, but that isn’t nearly half of what makes Ja special. Not only is he an insane athlete, but he’s great at reading the floor and making the right play off of it, and can use his speed to help him do so. Give him space and dare him to shoot from deep, he can do that too and make you respect his jumper, as evidenced by him shooting 35.8% from three. He’s unselfish too and great at not only pushing the ball up the floor himself in transition but throwing the ball ahead to get his teammates easy dunks, a key reason why the Grizzlies are fifth in the league in pace and have had an offense in the top half of the NBA for the last two months. Though their defense ranks in the bottom half of the NBA (16th in defensive efficiency, per NBA.com), the Grizz occupy the 8th seed and lead the 9th seeded Portland Trail Blazers by four(!) games, giving them plenty of breathing room for the time being. If this Grizzlies squad with Jaren Jackson Jr., fellow rookie Brandon Clarke, and Dillon Brooks, headed by Ja Morant keeps this up and holds off the scorching Damian Lillard and the scintillating fellow rookie and former AAU Teammate of Ja Morant Zion Williamson and his New Orleans Pelicans, the next generation of the Grit n’ Grind Grizzlies will be back in the playoffs. Not only would we get a very fun playoff series were that to take place, but we’ll also get plenty of highlights in the process, courtesy of the future of the NBA: Ja Morant.

Kyle Kuzma SF/PF Los Angeles Lakers and Buyout Candidates: Not much has changed from the time I wrote about Kuzma at the beginning of the season, and that is kind of the problem. Kuzma has shown flashes this season, including a 36 point barrage against the Oklahoma City Thunder that I was there to see, but still, there have been stumbling blocks as the third-year player acclimates to a title-contending team, whether it be mishaps defensively, rushed shots early in the shot clock or simply not reading the floor properly. Though the boost in effort on the glass and on defense has been nice to see, he just hasn’t been able to put all of the little things together consistently to prove he absolutely *should* be on the floor in crunch time situations. A possible (should be?) closing lineup of Kuzma, LeBron James, Anthony Davis, Danny Green, and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope has a Net Rating of +23.3, per NBA.com. When Kuzma shares the floor with James and Davis, the Lakers Net Rating is +17.9, a very solid number (that number drops to -17.7 when LeBron is the one of those three that exits the floor). At this stage, even as a Kuzma optimist, Kuzma feels like more of a wild-card that can flip the outcome of a playoff game should he get hot more so than a guy who can be a reliable contributor to a championship team. The more he can flip that perception the better the chances the Lakers have of winning the championship.

Ben Simmons PG/PF and Joel Embiid C Philadelphia 76ers: I think it is important to remember that it wasn’t always the case that the Sixers had issues offensively when Simmons and Embiid to share the floor. Sure, their skill sets don’t properly mesh with Simmons’ inability to shoot even 15 footers, let alone threes, but that hasn’t stopped two monster talents to be a major problem for the opposition. Among lineups that played at least 100 minutes in 2017-18, the Sixers’ starting lineup of their two All-Stars, JJ Redick, Dario Saric, and Robert Covington had the seventh-best Net Rating in the entire NBA of +20.5 points per 100 possessions, and an offensive rating of 115.4. Last season, with Jimmy Butler and Wilson Chandler in the spots of Saric and Covington, the Sixers’ Net Rating was +12.6 and boasted an offensive rating of 116.3. With Tobias Harris in Chandler’s spot, it jumped even higher to a +19.4 Net Rating and an offensive rating of 121.9. That lineup was able to host their stars, a tough rugged playmaker able to create his own shot and finish in the clutch in Jimmy Butler, one of the best shooters in the league in JJ Redick and a guy in Tobias Harris who could do a bit of everything offensively. This season after not retaining Redick and Butler, however, has brought some difficulties. After bringing in Al Horford and Josh Richardson to replace Redick and Butler in the starting five, that lineup’s Net Rating has fallen to +8.5; solid thanks to an astounding 97.1 Defensive Rating (better than any previous lineup but it wasn’t as if those lineups were yearning for defense) but an offense that averages nearly 10 fewer points per 100 possessions.

There is no team where it is easier to scheme its primary option away from his sweet spot than the Sixers and Embiid. Simmons already camps out in the dunker spot; Horford may be a good shooter from deep but that doesn’t mean he wants to stay there permanently. A zone instantly throws this team off. Without a true playmaking guard (Josh Richardson and new addition Alec Burks are capable) to truly put fear in defenses from all levels, scoring has been difficult to come by, especially on the road, where Philadelphia’s shooters haven’t been able to enjoy the comforts of their own building to give them a boost (the Sixers have shot 37.5% from three at home, as opposed to 33.6% on the road). In some different universe, there’s a world where a completely healthy Washington-Markelle Fultz fixes all of this and is the extra star added to the original lineup in 2017-18 and is the difference that takes Philadelphia over the top. Unfortunately, that isn’t this universe, meaning Simmons and Embiid have to find a way to coexist better than they have before. Maybe their game against the Clippers is the start of that; the Sixers benched Al Horford (whom the Sixers actually have a negative Net Rating when he shares the floor with Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid) for Furkan Korkmaz, which looked like it freed up the Sixers offense a little. They still have the talent and time to make up ground in the East. Their stars have to do what it takes to help the Sixers do so, or changes aplenty could be made there.

Eric Bledsoe PG Milwaukee Bucks: The Milwaukee Bucks are a wrecking ball. They’re on pace for 70 wins should they want it. Their point differential lead over the next highest point differential (+4.7) is essentially the same gap from the second-highest point differential (the Lakers at +7.4) to the 11th-highest point differential (the Thunder at +2.6). The Bucks are so good, they have a Net Rating of +7.5 points per 100 possessions… when the reigning MVP Giannis Antetokounmpo (who is only playing just below 31 minutes a game) *isn’t* on the floor. Khris Middleton more than deserves his second consecutive All-Star selection. They only play solid, smart players who know what they’re doing on both ends of the floor. But if they have a question mark, even more so than if Giannis can make jumpers to keep defenses honest, is if Eric Bledsoe can do so.

Bledsoe had a great season last season and is having another one this season. However, when they needed him the most, Eric Bledsoe turned into a pumpkin. As Prodigy once said, Bledsoe was shook, and that wasn’t a first for him. In his first playoff series as a starter with the Bucks, there was the infamous back-and-forth with former Celtic Terry Rozier, which included Rozier hitting big shots over him and the Celtics ending the Bucks’ season. The season after didn’t do Bledsoe many favors either. Taking out the so-called ‘series’ against the Blake Griffin-less Pistons, Bledsoe shot 45-126 from the field for a modest 35.7% and shot 20.7% from deep. Those numbers were even worse in the Eastern Conference Finals against the Toronto Raptors, where he shot 29.8% from the field and 16.4% from deep. He posted an effective field goal percentage of 48.2% and 45.7% in his first two postseasons in Milwaukee. This important because if defenses aren’t going to respect Giannis’ jump shot and take away his special ability to attack the rim and if Bledsoe isn’t going to make shots from deep, then they’ll help off of Bledsoe and send even more attention Giannis’ direction. However, perhaps there is some positivity on this front. The Athletic’s Eric Nehm wrote earlier this season about Bledsoe’s jumper and how Milwaukee is working on improving it. You can see him launch with more confidence on pull-up threes, whether it be in the half-court or transition. The Bucks are very good and could very well win the title this season. But they’ll need Bledsoe and his jumper to help them get there.

Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown F Boston Celtics: The Celtics are really good. Kemba Walker has been everything as advertised both for his play and leadership, Gordon Hayward looks more and more like his former Utah self (his player option this summer is going to be a very interesting decision, I think), and, perhaps most importantly, Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown appear to have taken a leap. While Brown was not named an All-Star (though he certainly had a case and easily could have made it), Tatum showed us a little bit of everything the night before All-Star weekend where he outplayed and completely took out Kawhi Leonard late in the 4th quarter and overtime. Both Brown and Tatum are averaging over 20 points per game and shooting over 38% from 3. Both have bought more into their roles off the ball and improved their shot selection (though Tatum could still improve shooting from two-point range). The Celtics are in the top 5 of both offensive (fifth) and defensive efficiency (third); only the Milwaukee Bucks and the Los Angeles Lakers can say the same. They are legit title contenders. But can these two keep this up in the postseason? Tatum and Brown were great in the 2018 postseason but saw their production tumble last year. In clutch situations (when a game is within the last 5 minutes and the score is within 5 points), per NBA.com, the duo of Tatum and Brown have both been more efficient than All-Stars Kemba Walker and Gordon Hayward. We saw glimpses of Kemba struggling to get good shots off late in games in the FIBA World Cup of 2019 when Frank Ntilikina played better defense on him than Jackie Moon trying to not give up free corn dogs (interestingly enough, the night against the Clippers when Tatum was dominating, Kemba took the final shot before overtime, where he missed a contested jumper). Boston’s going to need to close very good teams out, and they’ll need Tatum and Brown to help them do so.

Victor Oladipo SG Indiana Pacers: The Indiana Pacers were off to the quietest 30-17 start in NBA history (someone out there reading this has to get the show!), but have dropped six of the eight games Oladipo has played upon his return. The Pacers have played very admirably in his absence; Domantas Sabonis turned into an All-Star and Malcolm Brogdon showed much more as a number one option than anybody could have expected. Oladipo coming back settles everyone into roles more suited for them. It’s going to take Oladipo time to get in a rhythm and get his timing back to what it was before his injury and his career 2017-18 season when he pushed the LeBron-led Cavs to a Game 7 in the first round, but if he can get to that level, he can absolutely flip the fortunes of many this postseason. He still has yet to crack 30 minutes in a game this season, but he did provide a glimmer of the potential he possesses when he hit this shot to send the game to overtime against the Chicago Bulls in his first game back. How Oladipo looks on the floor will be very fascinating for the duration of the season.

Jamal Murray PG/SG and Michael Porter Jr. SF/PF Denver Nuggets: Jamal Murray has always been an enigma for me. I don’t see a budding star like many do, but he will give flashes of brilliance like his 32 point, 10 assist outing against the Lakers before the All-Star break. Murray’s numbers this season have been essentially the same as they were last season when the Nuggets were bounced off their own floor in Game 7 of the Western Conference Semi-Finals. He can score, but the consistency has not been there as much as I would like it to be. The same could be said for the even more volatile and raw Michael Porter Jr., whose flashes may be the most fun and tantalizing in all the NBA. It is too much to ask MPJ to become the scoring dynamo the Nuggets did to take some pressure off Nikola Jokic, but it isn’t hard to imagine the potential of the Nuggets as title contenders if they can get the dynamic scoring ability in tough situations that Murray and Porter Jr. can provide. The Nuggets are 7th in offensive efficiency and 10th in defensive efficiency, the marker of a legit playoff team. The Nuggets can play with anybody, but their offensive firepower is still in question. Murray and Porter Jr. need to answer those questions to boost their title chances.

Donovan Mitchell SG Utah Jazz: What exactly are the Jazz? They boast a top 8 offense and defense but have a record below .500 against teams that are above .500 this season. They’re a very good team with two very deserving All-Stars in Rudy Gobert and Donovan Mitchell, but are teams going to fear them in the postseason? They brought in Bojan Bogdanovic through free agency, Fayetteville’s Finest Mike Conley and Jordan Clarkson via trade, and elevated Georges Niang to the rotation to alleviate some of the ball-handling duties away from Mitchell and give him more room to operate, and that has helped him have an All-Star season and the most efficient one of his young career so far. His usage rate has gone down from 30.9% a year ago to 30.4% this season and 29.9% since Christmas once all of their acquisitions have gotten time to acclimate to the team. He put it all together against the New Orleans Pelicans roughly a month ago, dropping a career-high 46 points on their heads. The Jazz have great depth and arguably the best defensive anchor in Rudy Gobert, but do they have enough firepower to get through the loaded western conference? They may have enough to win a series, but I’m not sure they have enough for three series. Is Mitchell ready for shootouts like the one he took part in against Brandon Ingram and the Pelicans? If he is, then Utah shouldn’t have much to be worried about, because he again will have to do a brunt of the heavy lifting for the Jazz offensively if they can’t get Conley back to his previous Memphis self. If he isn’t (this isn’t to blame him because Mitchell is a great player and a player I really love watching), then Utah’s goals will likely fall short of what they were before the season.

PJ Tucker PF/C and Russell Westbrook PG/SG Houston Rockets: It’s been six games in the Rockets’ experiment to forego a center and play super small. On the season, they have the 4th most efficient offense and the 15th most efficient defense, not exactly championship material. Their offense has hovered around the 113 points per 100 possession mark in these last six games, but their defense has been a little worse in that span. However, over the course of the season, when PJ Tucker is on the floor without a center (Clint Capela, Tyson Chandler nor Isaiah Hartenstein have played center for the Rockets this season), their offensive rating sits at 116.4 points per 100 possessions, which would be second in the NBA behind the Dallas Mavericks, but have a defensive rating of 111.8, which is the same mark as the New York Knicks (if you’re ever doing something the Knicks are doing, that’s never something good). Their rebound percentage (46.4%; an estimate of the percentage of available rebounds a player grabbed while he was on the floor) would be dead last in the NBA with that non-center lineup and has been even worse since Jan 31st, the first game of their new style of play. This is quite the sacrifice they’ve made to get the most out of Russell Westbrook, but the reason nonetheless why they made this move.

I’m not the biggest fan of Russell Westbrook’s game. I didn’t think he should’ve won his MVP, but who cares he won it. His shot selection has been a major factor in drawing my ire (his defense, which is drastically overrated in my opinion, has been another), but that’s started to disappear during these six games. The Rockets have essentially unleashed him as a 6’3” Ben Simmons to rampage through the paint with spacing galore. In five of the six games (he missed a game against Phoenix), he’s averaging 34 points per game and, more importantly, has shot just 11 threes in that span, important when considering Westbrook is literally the worst three-point shooter in NBA history amongst those who meet the volume pre-requisite. There was a game against Portland this season where he shot 11 threes in that one game alone!

I still am pessimistic about the Rockets and their ability to ride this style of play into a deep playoff run. However, they need the best version of Russell Westbrook possible to even think about doing something and are getting it now. PJ Tucker will need to hold up and Westbrook will have to keep this up. Will either, let alone both, happen? I don’t think so. But it’s going to be interesting nonetheless to find out and see what happens.

Spencer Dinwiddie G Brooklyn Nets: It has been a weird season for the Brooklyn Nets. Though this season was always going to be a transition season of sorts while some 7-foot dude recovers from a torn Achilles, it still has to be rather disappointing to be on the bottom of the Eastern Conference playoff standings after their splashy summer. However, this has put another spotlight on the young core of the Nets, most notably Spencer Dinwiddie. Kyrie Irving has played only 20 games. Caris LeVert has played only 28 games. This has thrust Dinwiddie into the role of a primary option, a role he has done well with to keep the Nets alive as the 7th seed. His efficiency has dipped a little bit with the increase in usage from last season to this one (Last season, Dinwiddie used 24.2% of Brooklyn’s possessions. This season, his usage rate has gone up to 29%.), but that is par for the course for the boost in usage. He’s still averaging a career-high in points, rebounds, assists and an assortment of advanced statistics. The issue is, he and Kyrie have similar strengths and weaknesses. Though the Nets have been fairly successful with both Dinwiddie and Irving on the floor, the Nets went 1-4 upon Kyrie’s return when both were in the starting lineup and 3-1 with Dinwiddie coming off the bench (though basically, any lineup could’ve beaten the Nets twice and the Bulls). You’d have to wonder whether or not the Nets re-sign Dinwiddie this summer once he is a free agent given the redundancy and the possibility to address more glaring holes on the roster, but Kyrie Irving reaggravating his shoulder injury complicates matters. Dinwiddie is a very good and fun player who has revived his career in Brooklyn and has hit numerous big shots while giving them plenty of scoring when they’ve needed it this season. The Nets aren’t going anywhere this year. The last couple of Eastern playoff spots are up for grabs. Spencer Dinwiddie will have something to say about it.

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drtanstravels · 5 years ago

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2020 is the year that a lot of my friends will turn 40 and the first on the list was Shane Worthington, the one I’ve known the longest. We’ve been close friends since we were five years old, were in pretty much every class through primary and high school together, and were best man at each other’s weddings. We spent all of our childhood and teen years hanging out together and, although we hardly get to see each other for years at a time due to me now living in Singapore and him in Canberra, ACT, when we do it’s like we only spoke yesterday. That’s why when he told me at the beginning of 2019 that he was planning a cruise to New Caledonia for his 40th birthday, I knew we had to go. Anna instantly loved the idea, but not everyone else invited was able to make it so in the end it was ultimately going to be an eight-day cruise aboard a ship carrying almost 2,000 passengers, 800 crew and staff, and Shane’s group that would consist of himself, his wife, Danii, their 18-month-old daughter, Evie, an older couple that he used to work with, Sam and Kerri, and Anna and myself. We were scheduled to board the cruise ship at 1:00pm in Sydney, Australia on January 8 and depart for New Caledonia, spending almost three days at sea, before reaching the islands of Noumé, Maré, and Lifou, spending a day on each before making the trek back to Sydney and arriving on January 16, Shane’s birthday. Let’s see how this worked out.

Monday, January 6, 2020 Anna had booked our flights months prior and the holiday period is the worst time of year to travel to Australia, because it’s so expensive! To put the prices in perspective, we’ve booked return flights to Los Angeles next month and Cape Town, South Africa in June and neither of those flights were as much as return 7.5-hour flight from Singapore to Sydney in the summer. Our tickets were over S$2,000 (US$1,486) each and depart after midnight so Anna later decided that, because we had paid so much for the seats, we may as well pay extra and upgrade to Business Class so we could at least sleep easier on the flight and feel remotely fresh when we arrived.

I woke up on Monday morning to a message from Shane, asking what our plans were:

That’s right, we had messed up the flight details. Anna was meticulous when first booking the flights, but she thinks she may have rushed it a little when she upgraded our seats, resulting in us being scheduled to arrive a day early. There was no way Anna could get the day off work, I could’ve gone that night, but she also gets nervous when I fly alone due to my track record for having seizures on overnight flights so she rescheduled the tickets for the same time the following night… for the small fee of S$3,600 (US$2,675). So, now we were over eight grand down and hadn’t even set foot on the ship.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020 We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, but we were a little nervous for obvious reasons, the main one being that if there were delays of any kind we would more than likely miss the cruise. There was also the possibility that getting into Sydney could be difficult due to the bushfires ravaging nearby areas, but fortunately everything went smoothly and we touched down in Sydney at about 11:30am local time, actually a little ahead of schedule. Once through immigration we collected our luggage, took a shuttle to the port in Balmain, went through the entire immigration and customs process again like you would at an airport, and soon we were aboard the Pacific Explorer, later departing Sydney at 4:00pm. Once inside there were a few things that immediately struck us:

You don’t realise how big these ships are until you are onboard. It was so easy to get lost on this one.

Anything that wasn’t in the cruise package you had initially purchased was extremely expensive — AU$25.00 (US$17.20) to wear what in a hotel would be a complimentary robe and AU$15.00 (US$10.30) to use an umbrella is just unreasonable.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not so much retirees that make up the majority of passengers on cruise ships. Maybe it was because it was school holidays, but there were a lot of families on this one. There were also a ton of people who must’ve just heard the words “complimentary buffet” as well, because some of the passengers were enormous!

We took our luggage to our rooms, had a look around the ship, and then went to the already crowded buffet for our first meal of the day. What I expected from the buffet was the crappy quality bain-marie stuff you get in public school canteens, but that wasn’t the case on this ship. There were separate stalls serving different dishes from around the globe, as well as salad bars, dessert cabinets, everything. We just went to the first stall we saw, which was the Mexican one, and the food was really good, but it wasn’t the most popular option there, that’s for sure. We would only eat at the buffet a few times on this trip, but what was truly mind-boggling was the sheer amount of french fries people would eat over the course of the cruise. The fish ‘n’ chips stall perpetually had a queue of at least 10 people, closely followed by the one selling hamburgers and chips, some people just getting basket after basket of fries from both stalls. It would be safe to say that the fish ‘n’chip stall fed around 10% of the passengers at any given meal, leading me to wonder how many tons of frozen chips must be stored in the galley of the Pacific Explorer to last an eight-day cruise with 2,000 passengers who have access to unlimited fries? I will get to the bottom of this matter one day, mark my words.

The rest of the day was spent quietly trying out the different bars and catching up with Shane and Danii for the first time in five years, as well as meeting Sam, Kerri, and baby Evie for the first time, with dinner at an Asian restaurant called Dragon Lady thrown into the mix and finishing up at The Blue Room. The good thing with the bulk of the onboard restaurants is that they are also complimentary unless you order one of the specials. This is what Wednesday looked like:

A little smokey approaching Sydney

Anna at the port

This cabin would be our home for the next eight days

Looking out towards our balcony

A portrait of Rear Admiral Bill Murray near the elevators

Looking down from our floor to other areas of the ship

And we’re off

Under the bridge

Passing the city

Goodbye Sydney

A small portion of the deck

Anna in front of the outdoor cinema screen

Me hanging out with a coffee

Panoramic view of a different area of the deck

The view over the stern

A portion of the deck at night

Inside The Blue Room

Thursday, January 9, 2020 The next couple of days aboard the ship en route to New Caledonia were just spent relaxing, it was really only the nights where anything truly happened. Shane was up early every morning to change nappies and hit the gym, Anna and I would go down to the cafe a few floors down for coffee and then come back up to the cabin and read while relaxing to the sound of the ocean. On Thursday we had a couple of drinks after that, Anna had an afternoon massage, and soon it was time for dinner, because due to there being six of us and a baby, we had to either book a table at 5:15pm or 7:30pm. The latter was too late for an 18-month-old so we would have had to go with the former, a time when very few people under the age of 85 eat. Instead, we had burgers and wings at an outdoor bar. Shane and Danii were rather tired, Sam and Kerri decided to go see Normie Rowe play so Anna and I went to a standup comedy show, on this occasion being Hung Le. In Australia Hung Le is probably most famous for playing the Vietnamese boss in the local film Fat Pizza. I have never seen the movie, but I remembered him from watching comedy festivals on TV as a teenager and had always found him funny back then, but I figured he must be a bit washed up now if he’s doing the cruise ship circuit, just like once legendary entertainers that now play nightly in Las Vegas. I couldn’t have been more wrong, he was absolutely hilarious. The show started at 10:30 and went for 45 minutes, but Anna was fading towards the end so we went back to the cabin afterward and had what we consider an early night.

The burgers there were great!

Friday, January 10, 2020 Friday followed a similar pattern to Thursday, but the problem was that Anna had a lot of work to complete before the cruise, preparing presentations for upcoming conferences, completing and submitting journal articles in time for publication, that type of thing, but I don’t think even she realised how exhausted she was. She woke up at 10:00am for a 45-minute acupuncture session and I was still asleep when she returned so Anna got back into bed. Now, we realised when we were in the Galapagos Islands a few years back that the gentle rocking of a boat makes it a lot easier to sleep, but I’m still not sure that the motion of the ocean is solely responsible for Anna sleeping again until almost 3:00pm. Once she was awake we went to get coffee and then meet the rest of our crew in one of the bars, on most occasions it was the Explorer Hotel, for a couple of beers before an early dinner. There were quite a few bar options on the ship, but some only opened at night or were hosting events. It was always really hot and sunny on the deck with kids running around and screaming so we cancelled those options out. The foyer in the middle had a bar, but there was almost constantly a guy by the name of Kingsley playing there, whom we went on to dub “Elton Joel.” Kingsley wore a gold, glittery, plastic hat and despite being a decent piano player, couldn’t sing if his life depended on it, yet he would spend hours at the piano playing covers, roughly a quarter of each were either by Elton John or Billy Joel, hence the nickname. Upstairs was the Ocean Bar, but it was kind of small for the seven of us and you could still hear Elton Joel in there so we went to the adjacent, but separate Explorer Hotel on most occasions. After a few drinks and a chat there was a dinner reservation waiting for us at an Italian restaurant onboard called Angelo’s and once again the food was great and their pepper grinder was hilariously large, but there was a bit of a problem with the way we were spending time on the boat; most days we would meet up before dinner and have a drink or two, then have dinner at 5:15pm due to how the reservations worked. Even if we sat at the table and had more drinks before ordering, by the time it was eight or nine o’clock in the evening it felt a lot later than what it actually was and, despite still being light at times, Anna would sometimes start to get tired again. This was one of those occasions so even though she had only been awake for six or seven hours, she went back to the cabin and checked in early, only about half an hour after the sun had set.

Most nights on this ship, besides the regular shows and entertainment, there were themed parties and the theme that night was Back to School. Everyone who attended was trying to look sexy or classy in their school uniforms, but Shane and I figured we could just go in what we were wearing because our school didn’t really have a uniform. The idea of a school party had us reminiscing about stupid things that had happened when we were in high school, such as setting a bucket of glue on fire, resulting in a student getting suspended for eating a cookie from our overweight principal’s desk. Or the time a football was kicked over the chainlink fence into the junior campus of the neighbouring Catholic school, but instead of climbing the fence or asking a student to kick it back, someone just got some bolt-cutters from the shed where automotive repair classes were taught and just cut a giant hole out of the fence to retrieve the ball. Then there was the time that there was a stabbing at our school in retaliation to something that happened to my friend, Owen. It sounds worse than it was, sure, a kid did get stabbed, but it was only in the side of the leg, painful, but not fatal. There was a banner at the Back to School party along the wall that could be signed so we added our little tidbit that you will see in the next bunch of photos.

The school party wasn’t really our thing and we had other plans anyway, namely to keep drinking until karaoke started and then take over. We were the fourth people to sing and we had a decent amount of liquid courage inside of us, plus we decided to play the sympathy card with a crowd that was more than likely assuming we were homosexual due to a combination of Shane’s shirt and the fact that we had chosen the song Maneater by Hall and Oates. “I’m Tim, this is Shane,” I said as I was handed the microphone. “Shane’s wife is stuck upstairs with the baby, mine’s passed out in bed so tonight we’re going to party,” and then we tore it up. Our rendition of Maneater was a crowd favourite that night, even when we got bored during a one-minute guitar solo and decided to give a botany lesson on the many plants surrounding the stage. We kept drinking and then later Shane wanted to do another song, Rapper’s Delight by The Sugarhill Gang. The initial idea was that my role would be the hype guy, kind of like what Flavor Flav is to Chuck D in Public Enemy, however, Shane knows this song like the back of his hand, not even needing to look up at the lyrics. Besides being able to get the occasional “Yeah Boy!” in when he was out of breath later in the song and at one point calling up a bunch of eight-year-old children onto the dance-floor, my role eventually left me relegated to sitting on the on-stage ledge with my beer, surrounded by ficus plants while Shane blew away everyone in the bar with his rendition of the old school hip hop classic. I’m just glad they only had the “short” six-and-a-half-minute version, not the 15-minute take, but regardless, he blew Maneater out of the water to the point where people would come up to us for the remainder of the cruise, some referring to me as “Goose,” an incorrect reference to the sidekick of the main pilot in Top Gun (I think they meant Jester). Once karaoke was done we went back to the Blue Room to see the end of a really good band’s set before the place filled up with attendees of the Back to School party. Danii and Anna still say that because there is no video evidence, they are skeptical about our karaoke dominance, but Anna’s also seen what happens when I get a microphone after a few drinks, be it karaoke or even if a band is playing. Just because I can’t sing, it doesn’t mean I wont. Still there are these pictures and a couple of other videos of Shane in the general vicinity of the dance floor:

Kerri getting some pepper in Angelo’s

Anna’s turn

Having a beer with Shane. I hope it’s just the perspective that’s making my legs look that long!

The banner at the beginning of the Back to School Party

Our contribution

School’s out

Saturday, January 11, 2020 One thing about spending two-and-a-half days on a cruise ship is it’s not long enough to get your sea-legs so any time you’re walking around it feels like you’re drunk but without the pleasure of the booze. Saturday was going to be an interesting day, because when we woke we were docked a short way off Nouméa:

Nouméa is the capital and largest city of the French special collectivity of New Caledonia. It is situated on a peninsula in the south of New Caledonia’s main island, Grande Terre, and is home to the majority of the island’s European, Polynesian (Wallisians, Futunians, Tahitians), Indonesian, and Vietnamese populations, as well as many Melanesians, Ni-Vanuatu and Kanaks who work in one of the South Pacific’s most industrialised cities. The city lies on a protected deepwater harbour that serves as the chief port for New Caledonia.

At the September 2019 census, there were 182,341 inhabitants in the metropolitan area of Greater Nouméa, 94,285 of whom lived in the city (commune) of Nouméa proper. 67.2% of the population of New Caledonia live in Greater Nouméa, which covers the communes of Nouméa, Le Mont-Dore, Dumbéa and Païta.

We were off the ship just before 8:00am, took a small boat to the island, and immediately went across the road to a nearby supermarket to get something to drink. We then walk around some of the main areas of the town, just exploring different parts like Coconut Palm Square and walking through Chinatown and the Latin Quarter while we waited for the crowd to subside so we could take the island tour in comfort. After an hour or so we took a tourist trolley around the city, taking in sites such as some canons installed by Australians at a fort at Ouen Toro, an old prison, the craft market, and a library with a dinosaur statue out the front. The trolley tour was a round trip so once we were done we decided to walk along the coast and find somewhere for lunch. We had our minds set on a restaurant out on the water called Le Roof, but when we arrived and saw the prices, also remembering how we had paid 2,700 F (US$25.00) on a latte each earlier, we figured this island is either obscenely expensive or they must just bump the prices up substantially when the tourists arrive, because we were looking at paying at least around S$45.00 (US$30.00) each for lunch. Instead we walked back down the road along the beach, passing one of the most rancid-smelling portable toilets along the way, and we found a reasonably priced restaurant that sold a bit of everything, but was predominantly Italian food. We ordered and were then brought a basket of bread to eat with a mixture of olive oil and an unmarked bottle of brown liquid that one would assume was balsamic vinegar, but it only took Danii one bite to realise that it was a little saltier than normal and not particularly tangy. That’s because it wasn’t balsamic vinegar, but soy sauce. Still, it wasn’t that bad. After lunch we started to make our way back to the boat and arrived at around 3:00pm. Shane and Danii decided to board then so Evie could have a nap, but we still had an hour before we were departing so Anna and I decided to pick up some supplies, including seeing sanitary pads for men which I should’ve bought for future trips to Myanmar, and have a look at some nearby shops that we hadn’t had a chance to earlier. This included visiting an awesome pinball store called Flipper Addict that was clearly set up by a guy who had come into some cash and started his dream parlour as a hobby, as well as servicing and supplying other machines, not that we saw a lot around. We had also been told on our tour that Coca Cola tastes better in New Caledonia because of the quality of the water used. We were both skeptical that Coke was even bottled there and neither of us has drunk any soft drink in years, but Anna wanted to try it and find out anyway. It just tasted the same as I remembered. It definitely was nice to spend a day back on solid ground again:

It was actually kind of difficult to stand properly when we first got back on the ground

Not sure what’s happening on that island

Looking up the coast

One of many rock formations jutting out of the water

Anna just standing around

Me doing the same

It honestly looks like Shane just found a baby

What we’d spend a bit of time being driven around on

The old prison

Where we had initially planned to eat

The local racetrack

Getting a bit stormy over the islands

Approaching the fort

One of the canons

Some background information

Looking back over the beach

Anna with her “special” coke

At the craft market

Should’ve bought this hat

A dinosaur guarding the library

It’s easy to relax here

‘Men Pads’ are a real thing her

The sign for the pinball parlour

When we were back aboard, Danii and Shane had decided to spend the rest of the night quietly, just a few drinks before dinner, which they had at the bogan-buffet. Sam and Kerri weren’t feeling so, resulting in us having dinner to ourselves so we went back to Dragon Lady for what turned into a kind of amusing evening. The two of us were led by the waitress to our table, one situated next to another table with two rather large women, one about twice as old as the other, from a small town located about 600km (372 miles) inland from Brisbane. They had ordered the same set menu as we were going to and had several nights prior, but when we sat down the younger of the women was dry-retching at the thought of eating even the tiniest bit of the squid skewer in front of her, even offering it to us. The older woman spent the entire time encouraging her to eat a piece and wasn’t taking “No” for an answer so after about 15 minutes the younger woman managed to summon up the courage to close her eyes and take a bite, tears welling up as she did. Once they saw how much we loved our skewers, the two women got talking to us, the younger one explaining that eating the squid would’ve been easier if it didn’t look so much like a squid. In fact, it turned out she had never even eaten pretty much anything that she was served and was apprehensive at all of them:

Squid skewers — “I was able to eat half an octopus ball once, couldn’t do the whole thing though.”

Marinated pork ribs — “I’ve never eaten ribs, I just feed them to my dog.”

Sautéed eggplant — “I don’t even know what it is.”

Curried beef — “That was probably my favourite out of everything.”

When the older woman heard that the younger one liked the curry, she tried to “educate” her on how curry is made, incorrectly telling her that it traditionally takes about five weeks just to make the paste, however, she could just by Ayam brand curry powder and do it in a slow-cooker. Apparently her niece had tried to make it herself, but it still took about five days to make the paste because she needed to blend spices from scratch. They later told us about their small town that consisted of a pub and one small store, the two of them both working in the store. They even needed to hire and train new staff so they could both come on this cruise. My guess is the younger one will be sticking to the fish ‘n’ chips at the buffet from now on.

Our entertainment for the evening was to be sitting in a live incantation of the Australian TV dating show, Perfect Match. There was no Greg Evans or Dexter, but what unfolded that night was trashy comedic gold. For the uninitiated, Perfect Match consisted of a male or female contestant listening to the answers of questions asked to three suitor’s of the opposite sex that he/she was unable to see and then choosing the one with which they would like to go on a date. On the first round of the ship’s version the questions were asked of four young women and as soon as the blindfolded male admitted that he recognised the name of one of the suitors because they had hooked up the previous night, followed by another female suitor yelling to someone down the back of the room to get her another drink and a bag of salt and vinegar chips, I knew I just had to get filming. Also, we were seated behind someone with a cornrow combover (below), but I can’t help but think that they missed the opportunity to braid the combover section across their head. It was even more shocking when said individual stood up and turned out to be a woman:

Anyway, it was a hilarious night, some of the female suitors were pretty trashy and the bulk of the male ones were as thick as pig shit so witness some of the Perfect Match train-wreck for yourself:

youtube

Sunday, January 12, 2020 We would be making landfall again, this time on the island of Maré for some sand, sea, and sunburn. We got up reasonably early, put on some sunscreen, grabbed our swimming gear, and jumped on a boat to ferry us over to Maré Island:

Maré Island or Nengone is the second-largest of the Loyalty Islands, in the archipelago of New Caledonia, an overseas territory of France in the Pacific Ocean. The island is part of the commune (municipality) of Maré, in the Loyalty Islands Province of New Caledonia.

The island is 42 km (26 mi) long and 16 to 33 km (10 to 20 miles) wide. It lies northeast of Grande Terre, New Caledonia’s mainland. Like its neighbor to the north Lifou, Maré is a raised coral atoll, a former atoll that has been lifted about 120 meters. The interior of the island is the former lagoon, surrounded by a rim of higher land that was the ring of reef islets. Its fossil coral rock is honeycombed with caves, pools, and pits of all sizes, whose sharp edges make for difficult walking. Because of the lifting, the current shoreline is relatively recent and supports only short sections of nearshore fringing reef, unlike the extensive barrier reef found on the main island of New Caledonia, Grande Terre. The narrow beaches of Maré are often backed by cliffs.

Shane, Danii, Evie, Anna, and myself all boarded our boat just after 10:00am for the short ride over some choppy water and we were soon back on the land. The first thing that struck me when we got off the boat was how clear the water was and how fearless the children living there were. A few of them were just blindly running up and jumping off cliffs into the lagoon below them, not a care in the world. We walked along the beach, passing some stray dogs that were sleeping on the sand, until we got to an area that wasn’t too crowded with our fellow tourists, planted our towels, and then Anna rented some old, mouldy snorkelling gear for the two of us. The others played with Evie in a shallow part while Anna and I slowly made our way out to a coral area to snorkel. I say slowly, because the water was a lot colder than over here in the tropics and, although it doesn’t bother Anna in the slightest, it takes me a long time to fully immerse myself in rather cold water, because I need to work up the courage to submerge the three areas that the temperature shocks the most; the back of the knees, followed by the testicles, and finally the nipples. Once in we snorkelled for a while and saw some colourful fish and areas of coral, but it wasn’t really anything special.

After swimming we just spent time walking along the beach, drinking cheap beers, and laughing at the Instagram influencers getting more and more annoyed while taking and retaking at least 10 photos to try and perfectly capture one sole representation of just how relaxed and hassle-free their island-hopping life is. There were several stalls selling coconuts and braiding hair so another activity that brought us all immense pleasure was listening to bogans outside of their natural environment. “Mum, can I get my mullet braided?” was one pearl of wisdom we heard out of a child, while an extremely overweight woman replied to a man offering her a coconut that, “Coconut is f__king gross!”, leading us to believe she had only ever had the desiccated type that comes on a lamington, but never the fresh variety. Shane at one stage tried to order a coconut from one of the stalls, but the two guys working there were so baked it took them a few seconds to realise he was even standing in front of them.

Soon we were back on the boat and we returned to the Explorer Hotel for a few drinks, followed by dinner, and back to the Explorer again to watch an Asian woman and an African-American guy do some fantastic covers, the dude able to make all the high notes when they did Prince tracks, particularly Kiss. When we first entered they were playing Wishing Well by Terence Trent D’Arby so I mentioned to Shane that he was in the bathroom while I was taking a leak. He thought it was cool that I got to meet D’Arby while having a piss and went on to tell me about the time he met one of the Australian cricket team in a public toilet, however, I was only referring to the guy out of the cover band we were watching at the time. There was the White Party that night where everyone wore white, however, Shane suggested that we all should’ve gone as Walter White from Breaking Bad, but we didn’t attend for the same reason as any of the other parties, it was just too crowded in a really small space. Instead, we watched a talent competition that was just glorified karaoke, everyone trying to get me to enter, but me declining on the grounds that I wasn’t drunk enough, before calling it a night. Looking back on Sunday:

Looking back at our ship

Approaching the island

I wasn’t kidding about the water

I was too scared to go off the 3-metre (10′) diving board at my local swimming pool at that age!

Dogs just laying around

Looking up the beach

And the other way

Towards some of the huts

Token panoramic shot

These guys were fried!

Our beer choices

Coconuts and braids

Another small hut

Walking around a cove

The five of us hanging out

Still walking around

Time to head back now

Especially when it’s coming over like this

The view on the way back

A similar view from our balcony that night

Monday, January 13, 2020 Monday would be our last trek onto land, albeit a shortened one, this time on Lifou Island:

Lifou Island or Drehu in the local language is the largest, most populous and most important island of the Loyalty Islands (Loyalty Islands Province), in the archipelago of New Caledonia, an overseas territory of France in the Pacific Ocean. With a total area of 1,207 square kilometers Lifou is located east of Australia

Irregular in shape, Lifou Island is 81 km (50 mi) long and 16 to 24 km (10 to 15 miles) wide. The island is flat with no hills or rivers, but has abundant vegetation, dense interior jungles, fertile soils, terraced cliffs and breath taking reefs and corals.

Lifou Island is a former coral atoll that was part of a submerged volcano. Nearly 2 million years ago, the island was uplifted to its present shape and elevation, today it sits at a mere 60m above sea level at its highest point. Since there are no rivers on Lifou, the water comes from rain that seeps through the calcareous soil and forms freshwater ponds.

The term Kanak is used for natives of the islands and their native language of the island is Drehu, with people descending from Melanesians and Polynesians. With a total of 19 different tribes inhabiting the three Loyalty Islands, six of which are on Lifou.

Anna was keen to swim again, but I had no intentions of taking my shirt off, because I didn’t want to add to the searing pain I was in from how sunburnt I had got the previous day while swimming. I had put sunscreen on my torso, legs, and lower arms and Anna had covered my back, but I missed my upper arms and shoulders which were now bright red. In fact, it was so bad you could map the way I had applied the sunscreen by simply examining the finger lines in the burnt areas! Seriously:

I obviously used my right hand to wipe down from my left shoulder

Anna’s tiny finger-lines on my shoulder

If not applying sunscreen correctly was my main regret from Sunday, wearing sneakers that I hadn’t worn since going to the gym back when we lived in New York years ago would be my regret for Monday as you will soon find out.

We boarded another small boat to take to Lifou and it was extremely windy while we were on our way to the island, but it wasn’t just at sea, the wind was strong on the land, too. We had a heavy bag with us so we planted that under a tree at the exact same time an elderly woman tripped over a tree root and slid down a small embankment, cutting her arm in the process, but she was okay so we went to explore our last stop in New Caledonia. We found ourselves walking past traditional grass huts beside the crystal clear ocean and we were only about 15 minutes into our trek when part of the sole of my shoe came off. I figured it was no big deal and kept walking when almost all of the entire sole of the same shoe immediately came unstuck. On the ship we had to use a swipe card to pay for things, as well as enter our rooms, and I had mine on an elastic band around my wrist so I took the band and wrapped it around my shoe in a futile attempt to keep the sole from coming more and more detached. The scenery was stunning and soon we were near an old cathedral on the island when the sole of the other shoe came right off. These things were just disintegrating and it was now time for me to make use of the band of Anna’s tag to keep that sole on so after a quick pitstop at the cathedral we were off again. The sole that had come fully detached shifted as I walked, something that wasn’t an immediate issue, but it could have disastrous consequences soon; our plan was to walk through some thick jungle and descend down a considerably steep path consisting solely of some extremely slippery rocks to reach an underground cave system so I would need all of the grip I could get, not soles attached to my shoes by elastic. Besides the constant need to shift and adjust the soles we made it down to the caves just fine. It was a bit of a squeeze getting there and I had to duck through some low hanging areas, resulting in some local kids coming to the conclusion that I must be a professional basketball player, one even asking if he could have my cap. Once inside the caves there were freshwater pools that were about four metres ( 13′) deep where you could swim, but they were also freezing cold. It may have been able to relieve my sunburn somewhat, but I’m not a fan of the cold, let alone swimming in it, so we just had a look around and then made our way back up the path to the surface. Once at the top I tore the remaining portions of the soles off both sneakers, the end result resembling a pair of cycling cleats. We continued walking around the island, me in my disfigured shoes, before heading back to the boat. Shane and Danii checked out a vanilla farm and saw some wild pigs while they were in Lifou, but this is what Anna and I saw:

Looking one way…

…and the other

A little gusty out here

A local family going about their day

One of the traditional huts

Looking through a hole to the ocean beneath

Hanging out on a pier

It’s ridiculously clear

A wooden carving

Inside one of the huts

I’d probably struggle to get in

The local cathedral

Imagine both shoes being held together with elastic like this

Just need to go down this path in my not-so-stable sneakers

Looking into the jungle

Anna and a tree

About halfway down

A portion of one of the pools inside the cave

Another area

This guy served as a lifeguard of sorts

Goodbye, sneakers. Oh well, they were ugly anyway

A group about to do a traditional ceremony (we never actually got to see it)

Heading back to the ship

A little rough

It was still extremely rough when we were back on the ship. In fact at one point when we were having a bit to eat in the buffet it felt like the ship dipped down and hit something, but it was nothing to really worry about, it was just a bit difficult walking around.

The rest of Monday and Tuesday were quite similar on the ship. We spent most of our time relaxing in the cabin, eating, drinking, and trying to avoid hearing Elton Joel. We saw more talent contests and karaoke that featured a young guy doing an over the top cover of Greased Lightnin’, hamming it up even more the following night in the final. We watched a band do a decent Amy Winehouse tribute show, Anna and Danii went to a stage show the next night while Shane and I just hung out, and we also went in a contest where the funniest answers to questions were read out, except when it came to ours, because we wrote down some messed up stuff that they refused to read. An ongoing theme on the ship was photographers asking to do glamour photos for you and then charge you extortionate prices for a printout, but Shane and Danii had paid for a photo package so they got some glamour shots done, dragging me into a couple with Shane. Also on the Tuesday night there was a 1920s themed ‘Gatsby’ party and Anna and I met an elderly couple from Liverpool, England (below) who had attended and got chatting to them afterward. He was telling me about how he grew up during the depression and had to steal pigs to feed his family, including his 11 siblings. He even taught me how to steal them. While we were having this conversation his wife was telling Anna that he also used to string guitars for the Beatles when they first came out and that he even played guitar for Cilla Black! He never even mentioned this until Anna told me and I asked him about it!

One of our horrendous glamour shots

With our slightly older drinking companions from Liverpool

Wednesday, January 15, 2020 It was the eve of Shane’s 40th birthday and our last day on the ship. Anna and myself went down to get coffee, passing Danii on the way who told us that there was a ton of fresh seafood available at the buffet today so once coffee was done we feasted on fresh prawns, mussels, and crabs. After lunch we went to the Explorer Hotel early to try to secure a seat for that afternoon’s trivia competition. It’s difficult to get a table for trivia, because the place fills up with people playing cards, mainly Uno, and they won’t move until the trivia competition has finished. We managed to get a seat, but many others missed out due to the card players, and we ended up absolutely blitzing most of the competition. As soon as trivia was over, the table of Uno players next to us packed up their stuff, smirked like the asshats they are, and left the bar, but we weren’t going anywhere for a while, instead sitting around listening to one of the great cover bands we had seen on a previous night. Once we did leave, it was up to 400 Gradi for Shane’s pizza birthday dinner which concluded with us filling out a feedback form with the request that they never let Kingsley, AKA Elton Joel back on the ship again, or at the very least to not allow him to have a microphone. Once done we dropped into the The Bonded Store so Sam could buy Shane a top-shelf whiskey and then it was back to the Explorer for more drinks, but Shane was getting a tad sleepy. We sat through more karaoke, the winner of the talent contest finally choosing a new tune! We were all relieved, I even turned to a complete stranger and said, “At least it’s not f__cking Greased Lightnin’!”, to which she laughed and agreed. I guess I spoke too soon, because only a few songs later he was back with an even more amped up version of Greased Lightnin’, acting out the entire dance from the movie as he went. Seriously, I think this guy must’ve had to play the role of Grease‘s Danny for his recent high school end-of-year concert, it was still fresh in his head, and he figured if he pulled it out enough times he might be able to score his very own Sandy. As it approached midnight I let the guy taking karaoke requests know that it was Shane’s birthday, grabbed a round of drinks for us, and welcomed in his fifth decade, Shane initially irritated at the thought that he was going to have to get up and sing, but I only got the karaoke guy to get the room to sing Happy Birthday. It all didn’t last much longer than that.

Thursday, January 16, 2020 It was time for us to all say our goodbyes when we got off the ship that morning; Sam and Kerri had to catch an early flight back to Brisbane, Shane, Danii, and Evie were soon going to be on the bus home to Canberra, and we would be flying back to Singapore later that night. However, we had the entire afternoon to wander around Sydney so we got the nearby train station to store our luggage and we took a train into town to have a look around. I’ve never really been a big fan of Sydney, but I did manage to buy something I’ve always wanted while we were there, a Manute Bol jersey from his rookie season with the then Washington Bullets:

All in all our first ever cruise was an absolute blast, far more fun than we had anticipated and we were expecting to be awesome anyway. I hope you had a great time for your 40th, Shane, it was cool to finally meet Evie and see Danii again, as well as hang out with Sam and Kerri, now you all need to come and visit us in Singapore!

A week on a cruise ship and hanging out on islands in the South Pacific for my friend's 40th birthday 2020 is the year that a lot of my friends will turn 40 and the first on the list was Shane Worthington, the one I've known the longest.

#cruise #islands #Lifou #Maré #Noumé #ship

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leehaws · 6 years ago

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The Outlet Pass: The Draymond Green Trade Machine Edition

So, What is Draymond Green’s Trade Value?

In the aftermath of a verbal dispute between Kevin Durant and Draymond Green that still may turn into something more and has already yielded one suspension while puncturing Golden State’s aura of invincibility, all eyes are on Durant’s free agency. Is this the pivotable moment that will push him out the door, onward to New York City or Los Angeles or whichever city will next be blessed by his inextinguishable knack for introducing a basketball to the inside of a rim?

Speculation in this case is a tad premature, but the stakes are high enough to allow it. (A dynasty hangs in the balance!) Even though we haven’t reached Thanksgiving, it always felt like Golden State needed to have a hand in its own demise; they’re too talented to be done in by a superior opponent. There’s still time for cooler heads to prevail—Steph Curry’s health-related on-court absence from the equation shouldn’t go unnoticed—but the entire situation allows another question to creep into the periphery: What is Draymond’s trade value?

This isn’t to say Golden State should or will trade the perennial Defensive Player of the Year candidate just to appease the unappeasable Durant. But it’s worth wondering what they could get, or would even want, in return. And outside the Bay Area’s cushy confines, where he’s ascended alongside the two greatest shooters who ever lived, what would Draymond even look in another team’s jersey?

Green will make $17.4 million this year and $18.5 million in 2019-20 before he becomes a 30-year-old unrestricted free agent. He never was a traditional All-Star, someone who can roll out of bed every morning with 20 points in their back pocket. Green’s value is instead very real and very specific to everything that makes Golden State so free and spacious. It’s not fair to ask if the Detroit Pistons would be better with Green instead of Blake Griffin, but the answer to that question is “no,” even though most league observers probably think Draymond’s overall on-court impact is more beneficial.

Even though he’s a three-time All-Star in his prime with nearly two years left on his deal, Green couldn’t fetch what the Cleveland Cavaliers received for Kyrie Irving or the Chicago Bulls got for Jimmy Butler. A lottery pick feels out of the question. But how do you weigh a key ingredient for the greatest team ever beside the temper that may be responsible for said team’s downfall? He’s one of four players averaging at least seven points, seven assists, and seven rebounds right now (the other three are Russell Westbrook, Ben Simmons, and LeBron James), but is also shooting 24 percent from deep with the fourth-worst turnover rate in the league.

Every dynasty that intends to stay on top must eventually alter its fundamental makeup on the fly. Having signed Durant, the Warriors (and Green!) know this better than anyone else. But their decision to publicly embarrass a franchise icon the way they did could reverberate in a way they couldn’t see, despite existing light years ahead of the competition.

What if Durant, suddenly emboldened by the call to reprimand Draymond, tells Bob Myers that he doesn’t want to leave. That he’s willing to re-sign long-term so long as Green is gone. And when does Green’s next contract complicate matters to the point where the fear of losing him for nothing/locking him up on an expensive, untradeable deal becomes too much? What are some hypothetical trades that make sense? Do they exist? I’m honestly not sure. Most teams that are in the time of their life cycle to have interest in Green can’t give the Warriors what they’d want in return, or have the type of salaries on their books to make it work (i.e. the Denver Nuggets, New Orleans Pelicans, Washington Wizards, Oklahoma City Thunder, San Antonio Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers, and Houston Rockets).

But here are a few that, while flawed (repeat: these are flawed and mostly unrealistic because Draymond’s monetary value and skill-set are not easy to trade!) are fun enough to wonder about:

Portland Trail Blazers get: Draymond Green

Golden State Warriors get: Zach Collins, Al-Farouq Aminu, and Moe Harkless

How much more enjoyable will the NBA playoffs be if this trade happens? Golden State (possibly) sustains its standing in the short-term while looking towards the future with a cost-controlled blue chipper who can pass, shoot, and protect the basket. Portland ostensibly lands the missing piece it needs to make a legitimate playoff run without breaking up its backcourt duo.

Miami Heat get: Draymond Green

Golden State Warriors get: Kelly Olynyk and Justise Winslow

There’s no logical rationale behind this trade. I just want to see Draymond mixed with Heat culture.

Sacramento Kings get: Draymond Green

Golden State Warriors get: Marvin Bagley III, Bogdan Bogdanovic

Obviously terrible for Sacramento but this organization feels due for an obviously terrible move. Bagley III may not ever be good, but it’s so rare for a team as great as the Warriors to add a prospect with that much potential. It makes them significantly worse for the rest of this season, but would it cost them the title? At the very least, Golden State could turn around and use Bagley III as a trade chip to add more immediate help.

Brooklyn Nets gets: Draymond Green

Golden State Warriors get: Spencer Dinwiddie and DeMarre Carroll

For an organization that may not want to sit around and test free agency, this is one way to spice up their relevance while selling high on a talented guard whose skill-set overlaps with D’Angelo Russell and Caris LeVert. LeVert’s injury stalled Brooklyn’s metamorphosis into a frisky playoff team this season, but next year, with LeVert, Green, Jarrett Allen, and a lottery pick? They wouldn’t be bad!

Utah Jazz get: Draymond Green

Golden State Warriors get: Jae Crowder, Grayson Allen, and Thabo Sefolosha

A decent rookie plus a serviceable small-ball four plus a veteran who doesn’t really play anymore? That sounds like a reasonable package. Of course, sending Green to a team that has Golden State in its crosshairs probably isn’t realistic. (That goes for Portland, too.) Either way, just imagine a frontcourt that pairs the last two Defensive Players of the Year, while solving Utah’s long-standing issue that is Gobert at the five in crunchtime of a critical playoff game. The Jazz slice into their cap space and shouldn’t feel confident about retaining Green once he hits unrestricted free agency in 2020, but until then they would be the league’s most intriguing title contender. The Warriors save money and get better (?) on offense.

Tom Thibodeau: Stranger in a Strange Land

Say what you will about Jimmy Butler’s behavior, multiple generations of corrosive dysfunction, and every other obstacle Tom Thibodeau has faced since he became President of Basketball Operations for the Minnesota Timberwolves—some of which was clearly self-constructed—but the team’s putrid defense is impossible to ignore.

The Timberwolves have the worst defense in the NBA, and are surrendering about four more points per 100 possessions than they did four years ago, when…they finished with the worst defense in the NBA. Teams are brutalizing Minnesota on the offensive glass and taking total advantage of their non-existent hustle back in transition. Their only five-man unit that’s played major minutes and come close to yielding dignified results was Butler + The Bench, and that group no longer exists.

Not all the blame can rest on Thibodeau—Karl-Anthony Towns is still at his best chasing shots to block and, as ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski pointed out on a recent podcast, Andrew Wiggins doesn’t appear to enjoy playing basketball—but the team has yet to resemble one that knows how to defend uncomplicated NBA offense.

What exactly is Derrick Rose doing here? Does he think he should switch onto Iman Shumpert? Does he see Kosta Koufous through the corner of his eye and anticipate having to guard a high pick-and-roll? For whatever reason, Rose being this far from where he should against a speed demon like De’Aaron Fox is instant death. Plays like it aren’t uncommon.

They’re allowing 1.13 points per possession after a made shot while opponents gallop by at the third-fastest tempo in the league, per Inpredictable. They make no effort to match up and hardly ever sprint back. The play below came seconds after a Towns dunk, and they can’t even use poor floor balance as an excuse! It’s not new for the Thibs Timberwolves, but it’s still disturbing.

He entered this job as a revolutionary defensive tactician, someone whose militaristic instructions could squeeze water from a brick. But how does a league that’s never been more open about its desire to make life easy for offenses impact Thibodeau’s stock if/when he loses his job? Can he build a top-notch defense in today’s NBA, which looks much different from what it was when he was Doc Rivers’s assistant in Boston or head coach of the Chicago Bulls? Or did poor personnel decisions spell out his own doom?

Philly Helps Ben Simmons by Getting the Ball Out of His Hands

Ben Simmons is 22 years old and—according to some smart people, including his own general manager—one of the world’s 20 best players. He’s already won Rookie of the Year, one playoff series, and only Russell Westbrook and LeBron James have more triple-doubles since his career debut. If he doesn’t go down as one of the 10 best passers his size (6’10”, for those unaware) who ever lived it’ll be a wild disappointment.

He’ll always be a unique mismatch who terrorizes defenses caught between stopping his momentum and realizing the moment they do he’s going to fling a dart out to the three-point line, or put one of his teammates in a hot-air balloon to cram home a lob. On defense, Simmons’s height and build allow the Philadelphia 76ers to stick him on opposing centers (Al Horford, Myles Turner, etc.) when they need to hide Joel Embiid on someone who isn’t as threatening in the pick and roll. He’s very good and special and the 76ers should feel blessed to have him on their team.

But if last year was a hazily appealing honeymoon, the earliest returns on Simmons’s sophomore season have sometimes felt like the first valley in a marriage that’s yet to experience any conflict; an unsettling realization that the notable hitches in his game won’t improve anytime soon—he and Philly are officially in this through good times and bad. Regardless of how physically imposing, rare, and breathtaking Simmons can be, building a championship contender with someone who can’t shoot as a focal point is exceptionally difficult. It helped spur Saturday’s blockbuster trade for Jimmy Butler and, regardless of what the team says, has made Markelle Fultz expendable. This year, Philadelphia has the 26th best offense in the league with Simmons on the court (on par with the tanktastic New York Knicks). They play like a 36-win team with him and a 48-win team without him. (When Embiid isn’t on the court but Simmons is, the Sixers have the worst offense and worst defense in the NBA.)

Philly still likes to get Simmons going downhill, usually to his left, with a J.J. Redick ball screen near the free-throw line. It’s a tricky but increasingly predictable action that most defenses are starting to spot from a mile away, especially as they use it more and more towards the end of quarters. Here’s the best-case scenario: Malcolm Brogdon deciding Fultz is a threat in the weak-side corner.

More often than not, teams will either switch the screen and force Simmons/Redick to go one-on-one, or the floor will be too congested for him to do much of anything. Watch Michael Kidd-Gilchrist below.

It’s early, we’re months away from the trade deadline and buyout market. Someone like Kyle Korver can really help. But a smart thing Brett Brown has done to mitigate Philly’s shortage of outside shooting is use Simmons more as an off-ball scorer. That sounds insane, but this is less about his gravity flying off a pin-down and more about physical duck-ins and and the most intimidating Hawk cut in the league.

The sequence seen above is similar to what the Oklahoma City Thunder ran last season as a way to involve Carmelo Anthony, Paul George, and Russell Westbrook. (As covered by Ben Falk over at Cleaning the Glass.) Embiid screens for Simmons near the elbow and gifts him a free dash into the paint.

Below, the Indiana Pacers are ready for it. Bojan Bogdanovic spins under Embiid’s pick while Myles Turner drops a bit, ready to absorb Simmons’s cut. The Sixers shrug their shoulders and get a layup.

As Brown tinkers with different ways to accentuate Simmons’s nightmarish athleticism (while obscuring his setbacks) in lineups that feature Embiid and Butler, look for this more and more.

According to Synergy Sports, post-ups and cuts accounted for 18.2 percent of Simmons’s possessions last year. Right now they’re at 28.4 percent, with Brown stacking his playbook with more ways to let Simmons attack from spots on the floor where he’s comfortable. This baseline out of bounds set is a great example.

Simmons inbounds the ball and then immediately carves out post position for an entry pass. Simple, yet effective! But these actions aren’t enough to prop up Philadelphia’s offense and ultimately nullify an aesthetic that’s occasionally drowsy. Don’t let anyone ever tell you Simmons’s inability to shoot doesn’t matter, be it from the corner, elbow, or free-throw line. He’s awesome and has found ways to overcome it, but defenses know he isn’t willing to pull-up from 15 feet and they guard him as such. That’s more wart than novelty. Shooting helps! But harnessing his physicality on the block, along with different ways to leverage his speed in a half-court setting, is wise. They should/will lean into it even more now that Butler is on board.

All the Wizards Have is John Wall and Bradley Beal’s Subtle Chemistry

The Washington Wizards have won three in a row, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that they’re still an indifferent collection of untenable contracts. They don’t seem to care or try, and when they do it’s laughably stubborn. (So, you don’t think I can make this unnecessarily difficult pull-up two? Watch this!) Put on a Wizards game for ten minutes and your first takeaway should be that they desperately want to flex on the world but don’t have a gym membership. Steps are missing. Corners get cut. (In one recent play against the Orlando Magic, Washington surrendered a put-back dunk after Bradley Beal’s shoe came off and “prevented” him from hustling back into the frame.)

Their carelessness is underlined by bizarre lineup decisions—that include Scott Brooks’s penchant to play all-bench groups that have so far been outscored by (what follows is not a misprint) 29.3 points per 100 possessions—and a frustratingly fine point guard who’s powerful enough to take over a game while also being the number one reason it slips through his team’s fingers.

But hope lives in even the darkest corners of the NBA. And as inconsequential as it might be, flashes of chemistry between Washington’s two best players have provided a fleeting semblance of expertise commonly associated with professional athletics.

In both plays seen below, subtlety is key. Beal’s defender is primarily concerned with letting him race up off a down screen to either curl into the paint or stop cold for a jumper. Tyler Johnson sees Dwight Howard coming and all he’s thinking about is that pick, and how he can get over on it. John Wall knows this.

Terrence Ross is similarly positioning in the next example, but this one is a bit more scripted. As Wall dribbles up the floor, he points to his right, where Austin Rivers is jogging around Kelly Oubre and Jeff Green. The intention is not for Rivers to catch the ball, though. Instead, his purpose is to clear out one side of the floor, force several of Orlando’s defenders to focus on his movement, and let Beal fall into an easy layup.

Wall drops in a beauty, and Beal gets his easiest two points of the night. These reads won’t save Washington’s season, but, at the very least, they prove the Wizards (might) have a pulse.

What is Wrong With Terry Rozier?

Terry Rozier has range, athleticism, and the reflexes of a cat. He can pull up from 26 feet or knife towards the elbow and elevate over whoever’s guarding him. He loops the ball as he dribbles, yo-yo-ing it in place with enough command and elegance to make you stop and count how many players rival his authority over any given possession. He does what/gets where he wants and fluidly snakes pick and rolls with the best of them. He thrives in narrow spaces without turning it over and his toolbox has it all: filthy hesitation moves, a nasty between-the-legs crossover, the type of step-back that should/might be illegal. Before he went 0-for-5 on Wednesday against the Bulls, Rozier was making a career-best 42.6 percent of his threes.

Everything written above is true. It’s also irrelevant. Through the first month of his fourth season (the last before his next contract), Rozier’s potency has stalled. In 13 fewer minutes than he averaged throughout last year’s breathtaking postseason run, the 24-year-old’s weaknesses have amplified as he familiarizes himself with a new life as Kyrie Irving’s backup, struggling to identify his own responsibilities off the bench.

His game is a laundry list of needless split-second compromises. Rozier bails out defenders with jump shots that haven’t been falling, and rushes through motions that otherwise make him unguardable. He’s playing on an edge nobody else can see. Instead of dribbling into the paint and lofting a high floater over shot blockers who want him to take that exact shot, as seen below, why not sprinkle some craft and misdirection into his game by pump-faking his way to the free-throw line?

Or instead of taking that shot, why not string out the play by dribbling into the corner, forcing Meyers Leonard to switch, then breaking him down from the perimeter, forcing help and creating an open look elsewhere? This play is not an unusual one for Rozier. He’s either needlessly scrambling or uselessly placid, trying to fit in when the Celtics need him to stand out.

It’s common for players to let poor shooting/scoring numbers bleed into other parts of their game, but Rozier can’t afford to let that happen. He’s declined as a passer and for reasons that aren’t clear, has looked less comfortable than ever attacking the rim. His offensive rebound rate is less than half what it was last year, a crime given how dynamic he tends to be on the glass.

Rozier isn’t the only Celtic struggling, but he’s the most likely to get traded. And if this version of his game lingers for much longer, it’s unclear why another team will be willing to surrender anything of value for the right to pay his next contract.

Brook Lopez’s 3-Point Range is Madness

Look how far Brook Lopez is standing from the rim!

The furthest every NBA three-point line extends from the rim is 23.75 feet. (It’s 22 feet from the corners.) Lopez has already made three shots from at least 28 feet away! This isn’t totally new—he took 16 from that distance last season—but his range is noticeably expanding in a way that’s turned him into Milwaukee’s very own/slightly taller Ryan Anderson. Even in today’s era, this feels synthetic. Like, he’s taken and made as many 30-footers as Klay Thompson, Kyrie Irving, and Chris Paul. How is any of this real life?

Jabari Parker is Playing Defense, Kinda!

It’s too soon to say if this is small-sample-size theater or just one player’s overnight transformation into Spider-Man, but Parker is allowing the fewest points per possession in isolation among all non bigs in the entire league, per Synergy Sports. In 28 possessions, opposing players have only made five shots with Parker as their primary defender. (Those who rank above? Anthony Davis, Rudy Gobert, Wendell Carter Jr., and Domas Sabonis.)

The numbers might sound like a fluke but actually watch Parker do work and his quick hands and twitchy feet make this all feel somewhat sustainable. Here he is against James Harden and Jayson Tatum, two of the most difficult one-on-one covers in basketball.

Parker is jumpy, but in a good way, beating his man to spots after he boldly gets into their body to take away their shot. He displays a lateral quickness that, frankly, looks alien in his body. (Last season, Parker ranked 228th out of 263 players who defended at least 30 iso possessions. The year before that he was 268 out of 280.)

This is a far cry from claiming Parker is or will ever be a plus defender. But he’s only 23 and the Bulls have been better (but still bad) on that end when he’s on the floor. This might be more than nothing.

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