#JC is too easy

[qiu-yan]

MDZS and asshole victims: thoughts on the second siege of the burial mounds scene

this post is not about morality judgments. this post is about reader sympathies only.

one rather clever rhetorical trick MDZS employs is putting all the more background "surviving victims of wei wuxian's actions" into one big angry mob at the second siege of the burial mounds, instead of letting them crop up anywhere else in the story. it's easy for a first-time reader to write off the guy who lost a leg at nightless city, or the guy whose parents died at nightless city, because both of those guys are being dicks. they're part of an angry mob baying for wei wuxian's blood--unfairly baying for wei wuxian's blood, because this time he didn't even do the thing they're saying he did. by putting these two victims into a mob of not just fellow victims but also unaffected individuals (ie. sect leader yao, who just showed up for kicks), the story can effectively equate these victims' grievances (ie. "you killed my parents") with unreasonable mob rule--even if these two things might not actually be equivalent.

the effect of this rhetorical trick, then, is that the reader can at once perceive the themes about mob mentality MXTX wishes to convey, and also effectively write off the victims' complaints. "yes, i did that to you, but i literally died already, what more do you want me to do? shall i walk on my knees repenting?" becomes easier for the reader to accept. and more importantly--wei wuxian's likability as a moral and just protagonist is not impacted.

ngl tho. it would be a bit more difficult for the reader to write off these victims' complaints if, instead of meeting said victims in an angry mob, the reader instead met these victims almost anywhere else. imagine if, instead of meeting mr. "you killed my parents" at the second siege of the burial mounds, we instead met him getting smashed at the local bar and crying about how his parents are dead. imagine if, instead of meeting mr. "you chopped off my leg" as a member of an angry mob, we instead met him begging for alms on the side of the road because his disability rendered him unable to work in a wuxia-esque setting. or imagine--if either of these background characters, overcome with survivor's guilt and trauma from nightless city, hung himself in his bedroom, and the next day his body was discovered by his 15-year-old daughter.

all of these scenarios are entirely plausible. you could easily include any of them into the story without changing the main plot at all. but suddenly shit just got a lot more depressing.

however, no such scene would ever be included in MDZS. the reason is that, as a work of fiction, MDZS's single most ardent goal is for us the readers to conclude not just that "we like wei wuxian as a character," but also that "wei wuxian is ultimately a morally righteous person." when the narrative focus shifts onto the people who were actually helped by wei wuxian's actions (mianmian and her family, lan sizhui, the few months of dignity the wen remnants were afforded) this becomes much easier for us to conclude; wei wuxian does indeed look like a hero. but the more narrative focus is given to the negative impacts of wei wuxian's actions--the more the "victims of wei wuxian" (whether actual victims or not) are given a face, instead of abstracted away by broad summaries--the more the reader might side-eye wei wuxian instead. every new victim given a name, given narrative attention that isn't just focused on making them look like an asshole, arouses the reader's sympathies in the opposite direction--and thus increases the risk that the reader might ultimately disagree with the novel's conclusion of "wei wuxian is a righteous person."

tbh, this does not seem like a risk MXTX particularly wants to take. instead, she's mastered the art of writing Asshole Victims.

which is an entirely valid writing decision, because imo basically every work of genre fiction out there does this to some extent.

[twistedappletree]

Thinking about Lan Sizhui teaching Jin Ling how to play guqin.

Thinking about Jin Ling absolutely bored to tears by the fundamentals until he hears how beautifully Lan Sizhui plays and suddenly takes an interest (in the guqin, definitely the guqin, he’s interested in the guqin only, okay??)

Thinking about Jin Ling practicing outside of classes because he wants to impress Lan Sizhui by how much he’s improved and wants to make him proud and wants to see his face light up with a smile—I mean, what? No no no, he just wants to show initiative to learn, that’s all there is to it, nothing more. Nothing at all.

Thinking about Lan Sizhui finding Jin Ling asleep on his guqin after a night of wearing himself out with extra practice and gently waking him up to safely escort him back to his room so he doesn’t get caught by their seniors. Meanwhile, Jin Ling sleepily leans against him on the walk back to his room because it’s normal, he’s just tired, it’s obviously normal because Lan Sizhui slips his hand into his and smiles and Jin Ling’s heart feels like it’s on fire. Oh no.

Thinking about Jin Ling opening up to Lan Sizhui about his nightmares from all the trauma he’s endured and Lan Sizhui staying to play guqin for him until he falls asleep, each note chasing away every bad dream that tries to disturb him.

Thinking about them practicing guqin alone together the next day. And the day after. And the day after that—and they really are practicing but it’s a little hard to focus when Lan Sizhui keeps putting his hands over Jin Ling’s to move them to the correct strings, and Jin Ling’s face is a breath away from Lan Sizhui’s every time he leans over to help him.

It’s just guqin practice, that’s all there is to it, perfectly normal. 🩵💛

[travalerray]

something that makes me real sad is that since the CQL is a live action, the gestures and movements are more prominent as the characters speak. And since Wei Wuxian is a hyperactive character prancing around, it's very noticeable how much he sticks to Jiang Cheng in the beginning. When they are being driven out of the inn, he very explicitly has a whole arm around Jiang Cheng until they come face to face with Jin Zixuan. When Lan Wangji places the Silencing Charm on him, Wei Wuxian's immediate response is to start tugging at him. Like I haven't gotten far (and it is in fact a shame that we didn't get the piggy back ride.....like if Wangxian canon why censor the Chengxian piggy back ride /lh) in the drama but knowing the story is enough to make me very very sad.

[llycaons]

well that fic didn't have an actual ending or even a hopeful last chapter but curiously the structure of it was developed such that I can easily see how it can lead to one so I shall simply imagine it and be at peace <3

[add1ctedt0you]

AU where the core's transfer doesn't happen, but wwx loses nonetheless his core too. Both coreless jc and wwx go to jyl who decides that it's a good time to say fuck and they run away. While the war goes on, the yunmeng siblings start a journey of healing/ or becoming their worst self

[randomness-is-my-order]

for me, nothing at all changes about jiang cheng’s end-of-canon circumstances by the reveal that he distracted the guards that led to his capture by the wens after the lotus pier attack and the reason for it is simple: you can’t be redeemed by something you did before you committed your wrongdoing. the change of character and growth needs to happen after you fucked up. his prior “good” choices/“heroic” acts do NOT make him a better person in hindsight because he went ahead and acted like a piece of shit later on, anyway. it’s like saying a murderer should be pardoned because they saved a bird from dying ten years ago or that they donated to charity that one time, “omg look they had a good heart <3”. even the text treats it like this afterthought, contextually, because by the time any of it would be revealed—it’d have been way too late for anything to change. a history of violence and hate cannot be erased nor reduced by an action taken in good faith (if not good sense) before this history ever began.

redemption happens as a response to your choices in the aftermath of your fuck-ups (or in some cases, the narrative effectively nullifies the wrongdoing itself which leads to a blank slate/redemption; but that is NOT the case with jc), not as callback from the distant past when you were perhaps a less shitty person. many think jc revealing this “secret” would be significant in some way. but... how exactly would you expect wei wuxian to react to this revelation? show gratitude after jc’s choice inevitably led to the loss of his golden core? be happy that his once-buddy cared for him before jc contributed to his death and the death of the wens and the death of countless other innocents? imagine someone once close to you lied and betrayed your trust and say, framed you wrongfully so you got jailed. later, they recount how they kicked your bully in the balls when you were both in school. okay...? how the FUCK does that change anything? you are STILL in jail?

jc’s prior good will means nothing after the bridges he’s burned to the ground, burying them twenty feet under. and he knows this. he knows that revealing the truth will make no dents. wei wuxian won’t have a better view of him just because of it. jiang cheng’s actions do not gain a softer edge. the redeeming action has to come after the tragedies he has helped with and participated in. he’s not magically a better person with this context. he’s just as who he was before. because what we are evaluating his morals on was not his supposed love/care for wei wuxian but his actions. his violence. his hatred that targetted people unjustly. these do not change. these don’t go away. these should not go away. these should not be as easy to go away. that’s all.

[ace-shenanigans]

Listen: im firmly in the court that JC is a decent parental figure, but the joke was too easy to make

[twistedappletree]

akdjkajdka

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Nov 18th

~*~

1. hi !! this is for itmf for post canon fics that explore lan sizhui and wwx's relationship :D maybe some hurt/comfort or angst with happy ending! thanks for ur hardwork!! <3

🔒remember the moments when we were together by RoseThorne (T, 2k, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Memories, Depressio, nImplied/Referenced Suicide, wwx needs a hug, Regret, Self-Esteem Issues, Loneliness, Crying, Hugs, Truth, Post-Canon, PTSD, Father-Son Relationship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, CQL-centric, POV LSZ)

🔒 Not Yet (There As Needed) by sunrise_and_death (T, 13k, LSZ & WWX, JL & WWX, JL & LSZ, WangXian, Post-Canon, Family Feels, Family Bonding, POV LSZ, This Fic Has Everything, even more yearning, WWX & LSZ figuring out wtf their relationship is, Dramatic Revelations)

the place your heart inhabits by Fleetling (T, 8k, WangXian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon Fix-It, Father Figures, father-son bonding, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Humor, Oblivious WWX, Pining WWX, WWX-centric, Good Kid LSZ, Adopted LSZ, Wingman LSZ, LSZ is LWJ & WWX's Child, Good LSZ, Quote: Come Back to Gusu With Me, WWX goes back to gusu, resentful energy, Golden Core, wwx has both and it's a struggle, Unreliable Narrator)

your name, safe in their mouth by astrolesbian (G, 10k, LSZ & WWX, WangXian, Father-Son Relationship, Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, More aligned with CQL than novel canon, Miscommunication, Eventual Positive Communication, Trying to be a family, how to tell your dad you want him to be your dad in 6 easy steps!)

Wei Wuxian's Delightful Demon Baby! by CheekyBrunette (T, 22k, WangXian, Case Fic, Accidental Baby Acquisition, POV LSZ, LSZ-centric, LSZ Needs a HugJealousy, Family Feels, Family Bonding, no babies are harmed in the making of this mystery, you are never too old to want parents who love you!, LSZ just wants to see his parents get together, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Canon Universe)

~*~

2. I’m in the mood for a fic where other people are gender-bent besides Wangxian. Thank you! @ahatfullofwords

you will never need another lover by pennydaniels (E, 44k, JFM/YZY, Gender Changes, Female JFM, Male YZY, Canon Divergence, character exploration, the struggles of an arranged marriage, Falling In Love, warning for abortion, YZY-centric) Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are gender swapped

~*~

3. Hiya, I am in mood for fics with bondage! Prefer wangxian but won't mind NHS/Ch, 3zun, JYL/Ch or SL/XXC. Please no non-con/rape, hitting or slapping or any kind of impact play(?), and no pain play, thank you!

What happens at craft night by rheawrites (E, 4k, WWX/WQ, Always a girl WWX, Rule 63, Kink Discovery, Shibari, Rope Bondage, Under-negotiated Kink, Friends With Benefits, Fibre Arts, Modern, Fluff and Smut)

Rope Bunny by Khashana (E, 2k, WangXian, Rope Bondage, BDSM, Rope Group, wangxian shipper JYL, Kink Negotiation, Subspace, Coming Untouched, Remix sort of, Rule 63, Always a Different Sex, Modern)

~*~

4. Hello! The other day I read a ff in which wwx was married to lwj and lxc also had a spouse (meng yao iirc) and lxc's spouse was everyone's favorite and wwx was kind of ignored and treated badly, I was hoping for more fanfics similar to this with the difference that I want it to be treated as something that isn't fair by both the characters and the narrative, like wwx is always treated badly by most adults in his life and how sad/disappointing it is that this doesn't change in the Lan clan

~*~

5. Hi! Could you find/recommend fanfics for me?

A) where wei wuxian suffers flesh trauma from eating corpses/humans in the burial mounds

B) one of dark lan wangji, but where he doesn't try anything with wei wuxian, he likes him, but doesn't try to do him any harm

thanks to any soul who can help me @quwieiidkd

5A)

my eyes got used to the darkness by curiositykilled (M, 4k, JC & WWX, JC & WWX & JYL, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Body Horror, Implied Cannibalism, Dehumanization, Sunshot Campaign, YLLZ WWX, Demonic Cultivation, PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Ghosts, Disordered Eating, Referenced Animal Abuse, 🔒 [Podfic] my eyes got used to the darkness by flamingwell) assuming the requester is asking for WWX suffering PTSD from being forced into cannibalism in the Burial Mounds, this one fits the bill

A Corruption of Comfort by BegrudginglyTumbling (SarcasticSmiler) (M, 1k, WangXian, JYL & WWX, Eating Disorders, Vomiting, Cannibalism, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst)

Lakes of wine and forests of meat by androktasia (M, 1k, WangXian, Cannibalism, Aftermath of Cannibalism, WWX's Burial Mounds trauma, Post-Canon, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Non-Linear Narrative, art included, Image description in the alt text) with more in depth exploration of WWX's eating experiences and problems and some scenes of those experiences, before and including BM

💖 the absence of hunger by parsnipit (M, 27k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Starvation, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Body Worship, Praise Kink, ft. WWX’s really fucked up relationship with food, PTSD, Flashbacks, Blood and Injury, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Cannibalism) WY has an explicit nightmare about BM but the work is mostly about PTSD, not exactly a straight-up reaction to eating smth)

🔒 the aftertaste of desperation by moonshine (princemin) (M, 4k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Nightmares, Cannibalism, Corpse Eating, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Trauma, Panic Attacks, Vomiting, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, welcome to my agenda: let wwx have a breakdown, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note) a little bit, but also mostly about problems with food in general with thoughts about BM

The most dangerous thing is to love by KatAnni (E, 113k, WangXian, Golden Core Reveal, Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Hurt!WWX, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Torture, POV Multiple, Implied/Referenced Cannibalism, Panic Attacks, PTSD, Golden Core Transfer, Golden Core Transfer Fix-it, Medical Procedures, Fainting, Major Character Injury, Blood and Injury, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Asexual JC, homophobia doesn’t exist here, Marriage Proposal, Marriage, Wedding Night, Whump) Don't pay attention to the rating of the fic, that only comes into play in basically the last chapter I believe.(it's been a bit since I fully read through this one) But be warned, he does try to hide his meat trauma so it's not prevalent for a while, and it's not the focus of the fic

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal) Fair warning this does have the E scene in the first chapter before they're traumatized. But after WWX gets out of the BMs it is more prevalent that meat physically disgusts him now. But again not the focus of the fic, and it would do you well to /read the tags/ on this one. Both of them take place during and slightly after the sunshot campaign

5B)

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

🔒Something is wrong with A-Zhan! by HeloSoph (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Sort Of, Dark LWJ, Morally Gray WWX, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, WWX is a Lan, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, JC Bashing, Smitten LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Engaged WangXian, Blood and Violence, a lot of people die, LQR Metaphorically Qi-Deviates, because of, Shameless LWJ, LQR Tries, to fit into the following tag, Good Uncle LQR, Semi-Public Sex, or at least wangxian's version of it, Scheming NHS, POV NHS)

Like stones on an unseen board by Vir_Abelasan (Not rated, 11k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Dark LWJ, Older LWJ, Teacher LWJ, dark twin jades, Age Difference, Manipulation, Protective LWJ, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Corporal Punishment, Relatively canon-typical abusive Jiangs, WWX Get a Happy Ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Not Jiang Clan Friendly)

Do not take that which does not belong to you by Selene210 (E, 7k, WangXian, LSZ & WWX & LWJ, dark LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Canon Divergence, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Jealous LWJ, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sex, Kidnapping, Murder, Blood and Violence, WangXian married and have a son, Explicit Sexual Content, Biting, Marathon Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Bath Sex, Rimming, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, WWX has an angry LWJ kink, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Wangxian canon breeding kink, LWJ’s canon massive dick)

💖 Somewhere Sits an Empty Throne by Siamesa (E, 19k, WangXian, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, tgcf fusion, Gods & Goddesses, Ghosts, Romance, vengeance, Dark LWJ, Grief/Mourning, Explicit Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Gold Blood Eyes by Loveable_Psychopath (T, 72k, WangXian, XuanLi, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Except the bad people, Dark LWJ, i guess?, He gets cursed and becomes a demonic cultivator, Established WangXian, Secret Relationship, Sentient Burial Mounds, Demonic Cultivation, Golden Core Reveal, Found Family, Character Study, Character Bashing, Implied/Referenced Child AbuseImplied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Mental Health Issues, Communication, but also miscommunication, Twin Prides of Yunmeng Feels, YZY Bashing, JFM Bashing)

~*~

6. I'm in the mood for any and all (if possible longer, multichaptered, complete) fics where

a) Wei Wuxian was taken in by Baoshan Sanren or

b) taken in by another 3rd party that is not the Jiangs or

c) grew up with his parents and they are alive

@corvinsart

6A)

Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 39k, wangxian, BSSR/LY, Alternate Universe, a story full of tragic pining gays, and one chaotic gremlin, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR’s disciple)

Going on charmingly by scribbet (T, 21k, WangXian, Teenage LWJ, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR’s Disciple, Genius WWX, Petty LWJ, Meddling LXC, What if LWJ didn’t have an excuse to instantly write WWX off?, Canon Divergence, JFM Doesn’t Adopt WWX, WWX minus canon sense of obligation, but still with an inability to shut up around LWJ, I swear LWJ’s inner voice was no quite so snarky when I started this, JZN is unfortunately present but only to lose face, LQR’s inconsistent adherence to the Lan clan precepts, writing the effective Lan education you would like to see in the world, Technically pre-relationship, but in the typical Wangxian way of them being in deep but just not acknowledging it yet, POV LWJ)

🔒crying like a fire in the sun by Reverie (cl410) (T, 10k, WangXian, SongXiao, BSSR/LY, Runaway WWX, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Die, rogue cultivator WWX, Angst, Post Cloud Recesses, Not YZY Friendly, Happy Ending, BSSR is WWX’s grandmother instead of grandmaster)

6B)

🔒 shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NieLan, WangXian, SangNing, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the “Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect” Club, Mentions of WWX’s life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

🔒 The Light That Fails to Dim by glowingreverie (T, 310k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mild Gore)

Frost moon's sun by RenaFair (T, 116k, WangXian, XXC/SL, Slow Build, Childhood Sweethearts, Angst and Feels, Fluff, Family Feels, Canon Divergence, Mentions of Smut, Attempt at Humor)

❤️ The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen by KouriArashi (T, 139k, wangxian, xiyao, chengqing, romance, angst w/ happy ending, hurt/comfort, politics, revenge, families of choice, pining)

what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death, [Podfic] Cold read of "what builds a home" by Stratisphyre by KeriArentikaiPods (KeriArentikai))

Heart of the Beast by WaitForTheSnitch (E, 488k, WangXian, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Adopted WWX, WWX is a Niè, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious WWX, Protective NMJ, Scheming NHS, Protective NHS, Soft NMJ, NMJ is So Done, NHS Is A Little Shit, Pining, LWJ Has Feelings)

🔒 Life is Like a Stranger by through_shadows_falling (T, 69k, WangXian, Kid Fic, Child LWJ, Child WWX, First Meetings, Canon Divergence, Cute Kids, Orphan WWX, Autism Spectrum, Fix-It Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Canon, POV LWJ, Growing Up Together, WWX raised at Cloud Recesses based on the show, Fluff and Angst, haven't read the novel, Hurt/Comfort, Puberty, Growing Up, Coming Out, teenage angst, Wet Dream, Pining, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers)

6C)

Building a home by R95irth (T, 586k, WCZ/CS, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-it, Angst with a happy ending, Family fluff)

We Meet at the Thousandth Step by Admiranda, Rynne (T, 316k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, CSSR & WCZ Live, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Different First Meeting, Night Hunts, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Plot, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Strangers to married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Everyone Lives, Developing Relationship, Minor Violence, Case Fic, Mystery, Flirting, WWX’s Canon-Typical Flower Flirting, Arson, There Was Only One Bed, Getting Together, First Kiss, Meeting the Parents, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, WWX Is a Good Big Brother, New Relationship Bliss, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Blood and Injury, Yiling siblings, Married WangXian, Honeymoon, Wangxian’s Baby Fever)

~*~

7. Hey,

Can you suggest some wangxian romance in mordern setting and lan wangji is like the owner or the ceo or similar position. Thank you @mayavsworld

Insert Coin Now for Extra Life by TriviasFolly (E, 201k, WangXian, Modern, A/B/O, Intersex Omegas, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, Marriage contract au, Twitch Streamer WWX, fluff and smut, caring for other while sick, Possessive LWJ, Rare Male Omegas, Pack Dynamics, Sugar Baby vibes, Eventual Smut, Brief mention of lwj/others)

Work-Life Balance is Not A Thing by catbrainedschemes (E, 17k, WangXian, Modern AU, Workplace Relationship, Romantic Comedy, Idiots in Love, Oblivious WWX, Oblivious LWJ, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, but not that eventual, Pining, Dirty Talk)

🧡 Hello, IT. Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again? By overmountainandmeadow (T, 65k, WangXian, Modern AU, Office, Modern office AU, IT Director! LWJ, Graphic Designer! WWX, Father!LWJ, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Juniors as interns, Light Angst, Mistaken Identity, Identity Porn, Rabbits, Cloud Recesses as a company, Happy Ending, Single Parent LWJ)

~*~

8. Can I get some Fluffy Wangxian? Or Fluffy Sangcheng? Just something soft and kind. @itsthenerdwonder

Mutually Assured Seduction by misscam (M, 4k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Fluff, Humor, Sexual Humor, Sexual Content, CQL verse, some inspiration from the novel, Post-Canon)

🔒 Rumor Has It by Ulan (T, 4k, WangXian, Getting Together, Friends to LoversFluff, Canon Divergence, CQL-Verse, Fix-It)

You, Asleep and Dreaming by etymologyplayground (M, 9k, WangXian, LWJ POV, 5+1 Things, Literal Sleeping Together, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Intimacy, Getting Together, Fluff, Post-Canon, Undressing, wwx’s ‘angry lwj’ kink)

the world is but a stage for the two of us by MandMandM (Not Rated, 10k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Established Relationship, Shameless WangXian)

the more things seem to change by littlebasketbun (G, 26k, LXC/NMJ, JC/NHS, WangXian, Modern, High School, Matchmaking, failed matchmaking, oblivious idiots in love)

~*~

9. ITMF request plz!

Can I have your fave happy or fluffy fics? The ones that always cheer you up. 🥺 Wangxian preferred but other pairs are ok.

🧡 A Study in Fluff by WeaverOfTheNight (T, 29k, WangXian, Modern AU, Ghost bunnies, Vet LWJ, Architect WWX, Kid LSZ, Domestic fluff, Modern with Magic)

The Bunnies and The Roomba: A Love Story by Nikki373 (T, 6k, wangxian, modern, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Siblings, Siblings Try and Are Trying, College/University, 1 if by phone; 2 if by text; 3 if by mouth, Kisses, Romance, Falling In Love, LXC is the eternal captain of the good ship Wangxian)

The stuffed bunny, the beautiful nephew, and other gifts from Lan Qiren by deliciousblizzardshark (G, 8k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Uncle Acquisition, Found Family, Fluff)

My Zhiji’s On Broadway by ScarlettStorm (E, 15k, wangxian, modern with cultivation, drunk LWJ, drunk shenanigans, getting together, first time, minor angst, major comedy, smut)

Covered in Bees by ScarlettStorm (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, Beekeeping AU, For reasons, Meet-Cute, Comedy, Fluff, Bees, come for the flirting, stay for the bee facts, and the bee puns, kinkmeme fill, no actual kink)

Love Cats by so_shhy series (T, 14k, WangXian, Modern, Meet-Cute, Fluff, WWX is wet and adorable in a tree, With a Cat, LWJ had no chance, Don’t Try This At Home, First Dates, LWJ likes ducks, WWX does not like dogs, They just have a nice date, picnic dates, Falling In Love, LWJ is briefly less than graceful, there is a spider, but like barely there and totally harmless, LWJ Loves Rabbits, Office Party, LXC is a Good Big Brother, WWX is an excellent boyfriend, POV Outsider, they are in love the world is full of joy, Everything is Beautiful except for baby coots)

The first two parts of Just Say Yes Series by edenwolfie (T/M, 338k, WangXian, Matchmaking, Pining, Oblivious, Biting, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, POV Alternating, Fluff, First Kiss, Declarations Of Love, Humor, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Good Uncle LQR, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian, POV Outsider, Engagement, Developing Relationship, Family Feels, Kissing, Romance, Feelings, Family, Love, Fix-It, Drunken Shenanigans, Hurt/Comfort, Qishan Wen Indoctrination, Canon-Typical Violence, Fall of Lotus Pier, Sunshot Campaign, First Time, Possessive Behavior, Panic Attacks, Everybody Lives, Established Relationship, Weddings, Kid Fic, Wedding Night, Married Couple)

it’s just (aah) a little crush (crush!) by sweetlolixo (T, 9k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Romance, Fluff, Pining LWJ, Humor, Courting Rituals, Teen Wangxian)

your words upon my lips by uchiuchi (T, 17k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Fluff, Curses, no sad times only good times, Canon Compliant, Romance, they are married!!, Let LWJ Say Fuck, Case Fic)

soft-hearted by sarahyyy (G, 6k, wangxian, alternate universe, childhood friends, hurt/comfort, getting together, first kiss, wedding fluff)

If It's You by etymologyplayground (T, 1k, WangXian, Fluff, Reunions, Getting Together, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Post-Canon, Sexual Tension)

🔒❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, [Podfic] Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by GoLBPodfics (GodOfLaundryBaskets))

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer, a Spanish version of the fic, Turkish translation, Translation into Русский availabl)

Once Upon A Time in Qinghe by paranoid_fridge (T, 22k, NHS & NMJ, wangxian, LXC & NMJ, post-canon, fix-it, angst, humor)

~*~

10. I wonder if there is some fic that focuses on Nie Huaisang and Lan Xinchen's relationship post canon. Mostly focused on their feelings and relationship together after the disaster. Lan Xichen was quite done with everything and everyone by the end and he certainly suspected (knew) that Huaisang manipulated him to kill JGY. I am really in the mood for some fic like this. It can be whatever pairing or ship or just friendship. No modern aus please.

~*~

11. itmf fics where jiang yanli realises she’s been enabling jiang cheng’s behaviour and his treatment of wei wuxian and actually does something about it? hopefully earlier on in the timeline but im not too particular about that.

thank you guys. i love your blog so much!

Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Eventual WangXian, No Golden Core Transfer, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Canon-Typical Violence, Not JC Friendly, What if WWX saw the first siege of the burial mounds and said Nope to the war, OCs, OC point-of-view for one chapter for plot reasons) it's not the focus of the story but Jiang Yanli discusses the consequences of her relationship with her brothers near the end of chapter 7

do not wilt alone by Anonymous (T, 7k, JYL & WWX, Minor WangXian, LWJ is Sir Not Appearing in This Fic, Past Child Abuse, Homophobia, Homophobic JC, Bad Parent YZY, Canon Divergence, No Golden Core Transfer, Not JC Friendly, Character Study)

~*~

12. Hi! can you help me find rich wei wuxian fics? without the help of lan wangji or the jiangs! completed or regularly updated fics please 🥹

Thanks a lot

Catharsis by Starfell123 (T, 9k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, mentions of abuse, Mentions of Disownment, Swearing, Friendship, Attempted Arranged Marriage, WWX has gone through therapy, Catharsis, supportive friends, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Genius WWX, Rich WWX, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, BAMF WWX)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 108k, WangXian, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Romance, persuasion au, Separations, Mutual Pining, Depression, Miscommunication, Emotional Roller Coaster, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Reconciliation, Eventual Smut, Jane Austen Fusion, Underage Kissing)

Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, WangXian, NieLan, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, Found Family, Modern AU, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, PTSD, Blood and Injury, Dissociation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Musicals, POV Alternating, Baking, Yunmeng reconciliation (eventually), Friend Zoning, Literal Sleeping Together, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks)

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) has the Lans help Wei Ying sell his inventions but the money earned is Wei Ying's.

Catharsis by Starfell123 (T, 9k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, mentions of abuse, Mentions of Disownment, Swearing, Friendship, Attempted Arranged Marriage, WWX has gone through therapy, Catharsis, supportive friends, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Genius WWX, Rich WWX, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, BAMF WWX)

🧡 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There) by H_Belle (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern Cultivators, Inventor WWX, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, YLLZ WWX, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Pining LWJ, POV WWX, Background Wangxian Getting Together, Jiangs are only mentioned in the passing, inspired by a tumblr post) It's a modern au crackfic, WWX doesn't know he's rich and famous.

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 887k, WangXian, WIP, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Getting Together, Supportive LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Supportive LXC, Canon Divergence, Inventor WWX, Possessive LWJ, Cultivation Sect Politics, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Fluff and Smut, Burning of the Cloud Recesses, Fall of Lotus Pier, Angst, Sunshot Campaign, Not JFM Friendly, split into parts, Part 1 complete, Part 2 complete, Original Character(s)) The Lan facilitate the trade and commissions of WWX's items and inventions, but the proceeds from the sale of those inventions and talismans are put in WWX's personal vault.

~*~

13. Can I have extremely angsty fics? Something where wei wuxian is really going through it. Something like the fic ‘see me yesterday’. It can be modern au or canon. No cheating or rape please. Just him being cast out and trying to live with the horrors of what happened to him. Just absolutely devastating. Thank you for your help.

Rebirth of a Wretched Mayfly by marikazz (M, 15k, WangXian, Time Loop, Time Travel, Groundhog Day, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Not Really Character Death, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Trust Issues, Hurt WWX, Miscommunication, Heavy Angst, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Whump, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Okay, Mental Breakdown, Canon-Typical Violence, Existential Angst, Dissociation, Suicide, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, POV WWX)

Sunder by naqaashi (E, 32k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Mutual Pining, Emotional Sex, Porn with Feelings, PWP, Light BDSM, Fix-It, POV LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, Light Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Grief/Mourning, Five Stages of Grief, Suicidal Thoughts)

❤️ whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Dysfunctional Family, Torture, WWX Lives, but basically no one else, Case Fic, Cultivation Sect Politics, Past Abuse, WWX Whump, YLLZ WWX, JL Needs a Hug, JL Tries, Yunmeng Bro Reconciliation, Past Character Death, Body Horror, Non-Consensual Body Modification, POV Alternating, Flashbacks, Eventual Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, PTSD, Depression, Not A Fix-It, Mouth Sewn Shut)

🧡 decay by antebunny (G, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, the fluffiest ending, Hurt/Comfort)

🔒 In search of safety by SomeDumbGuy (M, 22k, Major Character Death, NHS & WWX, JC & WWX, One-Sided WangXian, Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Incomplete Fix-It, Unreliable Narrator, JZX Lives, distruction of the yin tiger seal, How the BEEP did they destory the yin iron?, Is it still hurt/comfort if it's comfort then hurt?, WWX needs a miracle but won’t get it, Blood and Gore)

When the Words Stop Coming by mrcformoso (T, 7k, WangXian, Canon Compliant, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, Rejection, LWJ is a Panicked Gay, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Trauma, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, WWX confesses early on, But canon still happens, LWJ starts confessing after, but the tables have turned, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ rejects WWX, Then gets rejected by WWX after, "Get Lost", Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian)

Window of the Waking Mind by mrcformoso (M, 8k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, JC & WWX, Graphic depictions of violence, Major Character Death, Heavy Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Torture, Golden Core Transfer, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, Hurt WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Break, Flashbacks, Curses, Night Hunts, Suicide, Starvation, Canonical Child Abuse, Canonical Character Death, Cannibalism, Although it was forced by the situation to survive, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, lots of comfort, Soft LQR, Learning To Communicate, Zidian Spiritual Tool, JC Tries, Reaction)

~*~

14. Y'all are amazing! ITMF fics where ppl find out how deeply Lan Zhan feels about everything, especially Wei Ying. I read this one fic one time that had him fall into a sleep state from a curse and everyone saw lwj history in the form of visions and how deeply he felt about everything. looking for something similar @chenqingmagic

~*~

15. finally registered for an acc, ITMF a good locked fic! preferably feel good

🧡🔒Night of the Living History (an edutainment special!) by Aerlalaith (T, 51k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Workplace Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Museums, living history, Some Plot, Slice of Life, Injury, a minor haunting)

🔒 in the blossom season (in the pouring rain) by varnes (M, 13k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, [Podfic of] in the blossom season (in the pouring rain) by exmanhater)

🔒 Bodega Love by cicer (T, 11k, WangXian, Modern AU, bisexual disaster wwx, text conversations, reckless use of emojis, unrepentent goofiness, [Podfic of] Bodega Love by exmanhater, Fleur Rochard (fleurrochard), GoLBCollabs (GodOfLaundryBaskets), Gondolinpod (Gondolin), growlery, nicolasechs, Opalsong, RevolutionaryJo, Rhea314 (Rhea), [Podfic] Bodega Love by GinevraReads (GinevraFangirl), jennisaisquoi, kealdrakemna_collabs (kealdrakemna), KeriArentikaiMultipods (KeriArentikai), kisahawklin, mulberry_graceful, PandaReads (DrPanda99), shash_reads (sunkitten_shash))

🔒 you’ve ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132k, WangXian, Modern AU, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Awkward Flirting, teenage romance, Shameless WWX, slowburn, Demisexuality, references to lqr’s a+ parenting, references to jfm’s a+ parenting, but we’re gonna get a happy ending ANYWAY, references to yzy’s a+ parenting, Background NMJ/LXC, hints of nmj/lxc/jgy, bottom LWJ in chapter 15)

🔒🧡 【那夏天的我們】 a stroke of fate by puddingcatbeans (G, 59k, WangXian, Modern AU, Fluff, Slice of Life, Falling In Love, Summer, Barakamon AU, renowned musician lwj escapes to tiny village and falls in love with local farmer boy wwx, good times only, YouTuber WWX, Food)

🔒 (Planning the Day) To Meet You by Bettydice (E, 61k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Pining, Mutual Pining, WWX raises A-Yuàn, minimum angst, MAXIMUM GAY, Self-indulgent fluff, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, POV LWJ, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Anal Sex, Intercrural Sex)

🔒 I Will Call You By Name by DisasterMages (T, 73k, WangXian, WWX raised by XXC, Canon Divergence, Family Feels)

I like most everything by cicer (all their fics are locked) but their fluffiest feel good fic is 🔒💖 blue-ribbon bunny by cicer (G, 15k, wangxian, modern, shapeshifting, supernatural elements, fluff & humor)

🔒 when the sun goes out by travelingneuritis (E, 176k, WangXian, Modern Cultivation, tech cultivation, Necromancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, insecurity around adoption, Dad!WWX, dad!lwj, Grief/Mourning, Mistaken Identity, Mood Whiplash, Body Swap, sex tears!, Falling In Love, Consensual Somnophilia, apocalypse (localized), Smut, unrealistic sexual stamina, Flashbacks, Time Skips, Illustrations) for locked works -- I highly recommend the author travelingneuritis!! My favorite fic by them is plotty and drama but has a feel good ending (and amazing art)

~*~

16. hi, for the itmf, can i have any fics where wei ying is a sex worker? both canon compliant and modern au is good

KILF (Knits I’d Like To Fuck in) by ScarlettStorm (E, 168k, WangXian, Modern, Established Relationship, Porn, like in the writing and also as a plot point, onlyfans au, sex worker WWX, Fashionista LWJ, in this house we support sex workers, Fluff and Smut, they’re horny and in love, mental health, therapy is good actually, Domestic Bliss, tender kink, Fiber Arts, autistic LWJ, neurodivergent WWX, switch rights, Nonbinary NHS, a soupçon of gender, get in losers we’re introspecting about queerness, Genderfluid Character, Gender Exploration, perhaps slightly more than a soupçon of gender, Hurt/Comfort, past trauma, But They’re Working Through It, aggressive mutual caretaking)

🧡 All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 51k, WangXian, Reincarnation, Modern AU, canon still happened, extreme post canon, Sugar Daddy, Kink Negotiation, gentle dom!LWJ, canonical levels of consent play, Modern Cultivators, cultivators can recognize important people from previous lives, vaguely, this started out as a cute sugar fantasy and got just incredibly horny very fast, blame LWJ)

Hidden in the Clouds by Karmiya (E, 17k, WangXian, WIP, Teenage Wangxian, historical sex work)

Gifted by Deastar (E, 7k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Courtesan WWX, Sex Work, but not between the main characters, Gusu Lan Sect, as in canon the real villain is sex work stigma, Supportive LQR)

~*~

17. Hi, can you please recommend some canon compliant fics preferably a/b/o. I prefer top lwj and bottom wwx. Thanks 🙏🏻 @bluepinks-world

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[llycaons]

so I finished this fic last night that was like a short cute modern AU and I usually like those but if that cutesiness goes past wx and extends into lwj's relationship with the other siblings it gets kind of funny. like I can see him being warm to jyl and getting close with her, but there is no universe in which he does not dislike jc at least a little. and I think he literally views jzx as a coworker and would at most be willing to sit with him in companionable silence. so this wholesome line about how happy lwj is to have been welcomed into the jiang family gave me a chuckle. it's literally just jyl he likes

[lavender-phoenix-flames]

I first started mdzs with the manhua and then watched the donghua and then finally read the novel,

I always had a strong dislike jc's character especially after he refused to help the wens, yeah that was the moment I decided he is just an asshole and just overall there was nothing special about him but after I read the novel I absolutely hated him cuz this guy is an abuser as well amd his attitude is so much worse.

Falling into fanon misinterpretations is common, I would admit I did fall for some of them too but after I read the novel I realized how wrong the they were and that it couldn't be further from the truth and that is when I started searching for good meta blogs and thankfully found blogs that actually have great and accurate analysis cuz there are a lot of people that just spread misinterpretations more than analyzing the actual media.

I think most people don't pay much attention to the text and they are too attached to the fanon to register canon, in their mind jc is the best jiujiu and lxc an angel and wwx the oblivious guy and they don't wanna and refuse to look further than that, also people might not know what a good media analysis looks like and that's why they end up following those popular blogs that fuel these fanons and bad readings even more.

And this is why paying attention, understanding media and finding trustworthy sources is important cuz if you lack common understanding of text and ongoing themes of the story it is easy to fall for fanon this is why pay attention to fandom discussions usually the only that actually give good reasoning and provide text evidence and not just some made up headcanon, cuz it helps you learn more as well.

Alright rant over

[animalistic0]

I Can’t Say Goodbye (Part 3)

Previous: Part 1 Part 2 Part 2.5

Plot: With time ticking down and goodbyes never easy, what shall transpire? In the end, loyalty, revenge, and justice are all the Maybank twins know.

*Season Four spoilers!*

OC Maybank twin + platonic Pogues x Rafe Cameron

Warnings: OuterBanks, Season 4, Death, Description of death, mourning, suicidal thoughts, mentions of murder and murdering, violence, homicidal tendencies, blood, funeral, angst, triggering, guilt, anger, five stages of grief, mentions of revenge, allusions to abuse. This is Depressing.

Word Count: 3.5k+

Note: Wisdom teeth surgery was a success, I don’t know how fast I’ll update from here on out though. Quick note on JC and Rafe; they are a slow burn, enemies to lovers. Next part we’ll see more of them and soft caring Rafe for sure. Also very unhinged JC. Would anyone want to read this if I made it a series and started in season 1? Hope you enjoy and take care!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not once has JC had a true crash out since the whole hunt for treasure started. She had gotten furious and depressed, but she had never completely lost her composure. Not even when she had joined JJ and his hurricane of a destruction after the town hall meeting. Now? Now the young girl felt everything bubbling to the surface. All the rage she tried to bury knowing it came from Luke, or now she wished it had come from the older male. Because if it didn’t then all this rage that was building and churning within her, was just her. All the hurt and suffering crashing into her like tsunami waves, that was her too. Hadn’t she suffered enough? Didn’t the Maybank twins suffer enough?

JC watched JJ fall to the ground, her whole world tumbling around her. Nothing registering until she heard Kiara telling JJ that he was gonna be okay. The moment JC registered those words she was falling to the ground next to her brother, her twin, her lifeline. She watched as Kiara pulled back his hands and her breath was sucked from her soul. Immediately she lunged forward applying a harsh amount of pressure to his bleeding wound. Tears streaming down her face as she stared daggers at it, praying that it would go away. Hastily apologies mumbled from her as she heard JJ moan out in pain.

JC didn’t listen to the words shared between Kiara and JJ, not that she could even make out what was said with all the blood rushing to her ears. She was more focused on trying to stop the blood, which covered her hands in moments. With shaking hands she ripped the scarf from around her head, bunching it up and pressing it down on her brother’s wound. Begging anything and anyone that it would work and they could save him. She looked up through blurry eyes when she felt a hand she’d never not recognize touch her cheek. A sob left her as soon as she met the eyes of her twin. “Don’t. Please don’t, Jay. Please!”

She knew that look, the look of defeat and acceptance and she hated it. She felt tears streaming down her face faster as she shook her head harder. She couldn’t lose him, she just couldn’t. He was her everything. How could she survive without him? “Please, Jay. Hold on. I can’t. I can’t make it without you, I’ve never not had you.” JC didn’t look at Kiara as she felt her friend take over applying pressure so she could hold him. Immediately her hands flung to JJ’s neck and cheeks, blood smearing on him. His own hands weakly holding hers. “It’s okay JC. It’s okay. I’m happy, and I’ve never been more found than now.”

“I can’t say goodbye…” Juniper’s voice cracked so bad as she brought her forehead to her twins. She couldn’t say goodbye to her best friend, her partner in crime, her confidant, her whole world. She couldn’t describe the pain that she was feeling, it was as if a part of her wasn’t just dying but being ripped from her. It was pure agony and she wished she was dying with him and not just feeling like it. “Then don’t. I love you, big sis. S-stay strong, be brave…I’ll always be with you.” JC shook her head only clutching her brother closer as she begged him to stay, to hold on, to live. “Please Jay, I need you little brother. I love you.”

There was no way to describe it. Juniper felt the moment JJ took his last breath, his body falling limp. She would never hear his laugh again, never see his smile, never hold his hand when she wanted or needed too, she would never have her twin again. As she heard Kiara scream for their friends, it was as if that same calmness that always graced her during dire situations washed over her. She wasn’t going to lose her little brother, her lifeline. Gently she moved him to the flat ground, ignoring Kiara and her screams. Kissing her brother’s forehead, JC took a breath before beginning chest compressions. The exact way she had been taught a few summers ago when JJ and her became lifeguard’s for a summer. The strength and endurance that she had due to the adrenaline, rage, and terror pumping through her was near superhuman.

She felt hands on her shoulders but shook them off, her eyes watching her brother’s face. She couldn’t stop, because as long as she was doing chest compressions he had a chance. A chance she needed him to have, because she was selfish and it was essential that she had him. JC couldn’t make it without him, for she had never had to make it without him. How could she live without her twin, without her other half?

If JC had known this was the outcome for the search of the crown she would have called it off. She would have fought tooth and nail for them to find another way, that or she would have murdered Groff the first time they ever met. She would have held JJ closer, harder, and longer every moment of every second. If she had known, JC would have pushed JJ out of the way and taken the knife for him without hesitation. She would trade her life for his in a heartbeat, JJ had always been the heart and life of everything. Now without him, it’s as if the world had grown dark and lifeless. If she had known the last hug she would have shared with him was at the bottom of the hill leading to the stone statue, she would have never let go. How could she let go?

Juniper was relentless in her attempt to keep her brother alive. Enough so that the group around her watched with sad and weary eyes. Each of them could see how close she was to the edge, and how once she accepted reality they would lose her. Pope and John B hesitantly reached out, trying gently to coax JC to stop. Both boys could tell that JJ was gone, that their best friend was dead, but they didn’t want to admit it. However, seeing their other best friend they knew they needed to be the rock for once, to be the strength because she needed them. If JJ was the heart and life of the Pogues, then JC was the rock and strength of them. Pope forced a sob down his throat as he laid his hand on JC’s who was relentlessly doing chest compressions. “He’s gone Juniper. He’s gone.”

The words hung in the air, JC heard them and registered them but she couldn’t accept it. Accepting it made it real, and she couldn’t deal with it being real. Shaking her head she didn’t stop, she couldn’t stop. “I can’t. I need him. I need him.” Her words brought a fresh wave of tears to everyone present, even Rafe. Sarah held her stomach as she sobbed, JJ had saved her and her baby. She would never be able to repay that debt, to thank him enough, to call him her brother. She stared helplessly at JC wanting to help the distraught and breaking girl but she didn’t know how. Cleo stood rigid, tears silently streaming down her face as she watched her best friend fall apart. JJ had never failed to make her laugh or smile, never failed to keep her on her toes, or give her a run for being kleptomaniacs. She would never have her thief buddy back. Cleo hated having to watch her boyfriend and best friend break at the loss of JJ. Kiara was hugging herself so tight, loud sobs escaping her as she watched JC try and do anything and everything to save JJ. She loved him so much. JJ was her everything, and for him to die protecting her made her feel so guilty. She hated herself, and how she got her soulmate killed. Hated how JC her best friend had to witness it and feel it. Kiara had always marveled at the twins bond and how they felt each other. Kiara couldn’t imagine feeling the other half of yourself die.

Rafe didn’t move from his position in the doorway. Tears swarmed in his eyes but he didn’t let them fall. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Not because he didn’t care or like JJ, but because the anger within him was so much stronger. He wasn’t the biggest fan of JJ, but he had to respect the Maybank for how protective and loyal he was to his people. To his sister. Rafe curled his hands into fist as he stared at JC and how she was clearly seconds away from falling off the cliff. Rafe knew she would never be the same again, and it crushed his whole soul. Rafe had spoken to her twice within the past day, both brief and beautiful moments, once while Sarah and John B decoded the map and right before he went to buy them more time. It had brought back everything he had felt for her during and after Singh, but he knew she would never be that girl again. No matter what though, he vowed to help her, to protect her, and to be there for her. Just as she had been there for him and her friends. Rafe owed JJ that, for saving Sarah and climbing the statue for him, but also because they both loved JC.

Pope kept his hand on JC’s, his eyes full of tears as they silently fell down his face. He was begging her to stop, because she was only hurting herself and JJ. Pope didn’t know what to do, he had never felt his heart break like it was in this moment. He almost wanted to help JC try and revive JJ because he couldn’t believe his best friend was dead. Everything they had been through together, everything they had said, and Pope never got to have a moment just to make sure they were good. Deep down he knew they were, JJ would never stay mad at him or turn him away. Pope found it unfair, everything about it. It was unfair the life JJ and JC lived, it was unfair that JJ fought as hard as he did and was still treated like dirt, it was unfair that they traded one shitty dad for a whole another level of shitty father. It was unfair that JJ was dead. Pope couldn’t hold back the sob in his throat as he met JC eyes. They were so lifeless and dark, empty of everything and it tore at Pope because she would never be the same again.

John B kept his hand on JC’s shoulder. Whispering soothing words to her, that he didn’t hear himself. His eyes solely focused on JJ’s face. John B wanted to scream, to beg, to punch the ground, to drag JJ back from the dead because he couldn’t be dead. His best friend, his brother, the man that was everything to him. John B didn’t know what to do, didn’t even feel like truly stopping JC because of the slight chance that it would work and JJ would wake up. However, as he turned to look at JC after he heard Pope sob he knew he needed to act. She was a mess and John B couldn’t blame her, but he would blame himself if he wasn’t there for her. JJ would blame him if he wasn’t there for her. Moving forward he wrapped his arms around her chest and pulled her back into him. Holding her slightly tighter as she tried to escape.

JC stopped struggling after a few minutes, and instead leaned back into John B. Her breath was quick as she came down from her denial high. Her eyes glanced over the group, and each face she took in felt like a punch to the gut. Like a seal to the deal. He was dead. He was dead and he wasn’t coming back. Gently she pushed John B off of her and shuffled on her knees to JJ. Juniper let out a loud heartbreaking scream as she cradled JJ to her chest. Mumbling and babbling about how she needed him, and for him to not leave her. She buried her head in his neck and rocked back and forth as she clutched onto him like a life raft. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Please come back. Come back little brother.”

Time moved fast, as if she wasn’t actually present within her body and perhaps she wasn’t. Before she knew it JJ was wrapped up and secured in cloths to protect his body. She didn’t know when they had moved her away from him long enough to do that, or was even aware that they were at a completely different location. Though the moment she had come too, JC had slipped her phone within her brother’s burial wrap, so she could find his body again and bring him home when they had the money and equipment. Even if she didn’t have the money, she’d still find a way to bring him home. She hated burying him out in the desert in Africa. Wanted to scream and beg her friends not to abandon him. JC didn’t know what to do though, by the time they would get his body back home it would be bad. Pope had already mentioned the scientific evidence on why it was safest to bury him here. JC disagreed science or not.

JJ would have liked to be buried with their mother, or in Poguelandia which was their first and true ever home. His one true fear was being alone, being abandoned by his family. Something JC also feared and yet here she was abandoning him. Leaving him. She hated herself, felt the guilt, anger, and pain chewing away at her. She had failed as an older sister, and only continued to fail. JC grasped his body in her lap never wanting to let him go, because she didn’t want it to be for the rest of her life. She knew once she let him go that she’d never be able to hold him. Ever again.

Rafe looked towards John B and Pope before he nodded, signaling that the grave was ready. Rafe didn’t really mind having to dig the grave, he could tell that the others didn’t have the strength to dig it and he felt like he owed JJ. Not to mention he wanted to try and make things easier for JC. He couldn’t imagine watching your family die, holding them, and then having to dig the grave. It threw everyone for a loop, when Rafe stepped forward and volunteered. The whole time he dug, Rafe thought of his last conversation with Groff. Using his grief and the grief of those around him to fuel his anger and need for revenge. Groff had fucked up. Messed with the wrong people, and Rafe couldn’t wait to reenact vengeance.

Together, JC, Pope, John B, and Kiara lifted JJ’s body. JC held his shoulders, supporting his head as she stared down at the cloth protecting his youthful face. JC paused at the beginning of the hole, her eyes finding Cleo and Sarah and silently nodding them over. They were Pogues and just as important to JJ as the others. Together the group gently lowered his body down into the sand, all of them reluctant to let go of him. It was silent but they were all crying as they stared at their best friend and the life of their crew. Cleo was the first to let go, a gentle kiss placed to where his arm was and a soft goodbye. Following her lead everyone kissed him one last time with heartfelt goodbyes. JC was the last, she was cradling his head and wanted to scream up at her friends to bury her here because this was where she died too. However, she didn’t. No, JC kissed his forehead and whispered how she would see him again. “I’ll bring you home Jay, I promise. You won’t be alone forever bug.”

Rafe and John B glanced at each other as JC didn’t make a moved to exit the hole. Silently both males moved forward, removing her out of the hole. John B immediately pulling her into his side so she wouldn’t attempt to jump back in, but also to offer support. Just as Pope appeared on her other side. The two males hugging her between them. Kiara came up behind JC and wrapped her arms around them all. Sarah and Cleo moved to the front, one hand holding their significant other and the other holding JC. Together the Pogues watched as Rafe sealed the grave up. Each of them leaning on one another for comfort and strength. JC was the first to break the silence as she let out a loud sob, and as if the flood gates opened for them all, they all loudly cried. Holding onto and grounding each other as they said goodbye to their best friend, their brother, their heart, their everything.

The moral of the group was broken, JJ had been that. Had been the one to keep them lively, and JC had been the one keeping them strong. But both twins were gone, JJ gone in all the ways and JC forever changed. She would never be the same again, none of them would ever be the same again. A part of them always gone and missing.

JC didn’t know who started the fire, she hadn’t been paying attention as she paced like a wild animal back an forth in front of the tree. She couldn’t sit still, didn’t want to sit still. Everything in her ached to get revenge, to get justice for JJ. At the same time everything ached for her to scream, to cry, to hit something, just anything so she would feel physical pain. Rafe sat in the back of the jeep before jumping down from it, as everyone else besides Pope stood or sat around the fire. Pope sat in the jeep, his head leaned back against the headrest as he stared up in the sky. JC thought it was so maybe he could catch a glimpse of their angel.

“Groff said he was going to Lisbon. I don't know. If it was my friend, or b-brother, I'd probably go after the guy that just killed him. Yeah?” JC snapped her head up and glared at Rafe, his words only making her angrier and more bloodthirsty. His stutter around the word brother not going unnoticed but only worsening her mood. She almost shouted a thank you towards Pope as he spoke annoyance and tiredness oozing from him. “Shut up, Rafe.”

“He's not wrong. You think JJ would sit here if it were one of us? You think he'd do nothing?” Then Kiara spoke, and JC felt like screaming and yelling at them all to shut up. That they didn’t know him like she did, that he in fact wouldn’t want any of them to get hurt. She knew it was wrong, they knew him, they loved him, but there was something about losing someone you’ve never been without that none of them would ever understand. JC knew it was just her guilt, her anger, her despair talking but she couldn’t stop the thoughts or feelings. “We all know what JJ would do. He'd get even.” JC briefly paused at John B’s words. Biting her lip to prevent the scream that wanted to burst free. She hated it. All of it. He was right, and JC knew they needed to get even but every second that passed made it all feel too real. “Revenge.”

However, Kiara was right about revenge. Both Maybank siblings never allowed anything to hurt those they loved and not have any repercussions. JC would do whatever it took to take down Groff. Even if it meant she also died in the process. Something she could hear JJ already scolding her for even thinking about, even though they both were so similar like that. She would get the justice her baby brother deserved and she wouldn’t stop until she did.

She turned her head to see everyone looking at her and she stopped pacing. Her tears had dried a while ago and she didn’t think she had anymore to cry with how dehydrated and overwhelmed she was. Her eyes met each of those around her, and as she looked into Kiara’s, JB, and Pope, she saw the bloodlust, the willingness to do anything to revenge JJ. Her hands traveled up to her hair and she tugged it harshly as she moved closer to the fire. Kicking the ground and sending sand into the flames. She ignored the flinches from her friends, as she took a deep breath, her hands lowering to her sides and clenching into fists as she stared at the burning flames. JC looked like a mess, her hands dried and caked with her brother’s blood, as were her clothes, but it only added to her promise and her threat towards Groff. Her voice raspy and full of every dark emotion she was feeling.

“We get revenge and justice for JJ. By any and all means. Groff is a dead man walking.”

[capeise]

i guess i loved you too much sanguine , the epic of orange

“ what █████ — aka the morning siblings now morning brew — want us to all understand is this talent shit comes to easy to them. one kids got enough awards to fill a stadium, another is one award away from egot status, the other just hiked up the stocks for dasani of all brands and adam's name alone seems to be worth a billion bucks. so 'course they're gonna dabble in music too. 'course they're gonna link up with kpop's biggest and of course they're gonna get those brothers in on it too. it's so obvious that's the entire point of the epic. here's what the morning can do.

don't get me wrong. it's a great album. it's fantastic! this is the stuff morning's made of — nostalgia, heartbreak, the dramatics of first love just like all the movies that made them a staple in every south korean household from jeju to sokcho. and that's my problem. morning brew went after those guys intentionally. they picked the two that have more ????'s around them than solid ideas and definite is trues. instead of given 'em substance we got morning 2.0, another attempt at mock orange. eggtart. if they're so good at what they do, real good, then they should have told us what we have to know about the unknowable. fill in the gaps. give us something.

instead me, the guys at the office, the girl who just won backstage passes to a sold out saint show, someone's mom who really likes that one jc song cause ooo jc's such a sweet boy ain't he, a tangerine fan who's reminiscing on the good ole times, you reading this all tuned in to the epic and wondered the same exact thing: where the fuck are jc and saint? ” — via pitchfork ( 9.2 / 10 )

˖⠀⠀⠀⠀xxx⠀⠀⠀⠀overview⠀⠀⠀⠀✧✦⠀⠀⠀⠀the epic of orange is the first full album of kpop duo, decadent, marking their official debut. the album was divided into three odysseys: bitter autumn, blood winter, and sweet spring with six tracks released every corresponding season. by the end of 2020, the epic of range would consist of eighteen tracks, three titles, and a handful of promotions carried out by lan lan label's boygroup, ian sui.

since the epic's promotional schedule overlapped with previous commitments, jc and saint were completely absent from debut promotions. a last minute decision, their names were blotted from the album credits, the teasers, posters found around major cities promoting the epic, and the eventual music video that starred █████ and was directed by █████ who critics were already calling "one of the greats". in place of the brothers, ian sui attended all the stage shows, performance, and variety shows.

much of the epic of orange was modeled after mock orange, their otome game tangerine, as well as the epic that inspired much of the orange symbolism for the group—there are no more oranges in the world. additionally, each odyssey was neatly paired with a generation of eggtart. little easter eggs from the game could be found in the music video and the rollout for the album.

according to morning brew, the staff team responsible for decadent, they were "tasked with wrapping up mock orange" resulting in the creation of the album. eis admitted they actually had a different debut in mind but mock orange was "a loose end that had to be dealt with" so they dealt with. while the epic does neatly wrap up the era of mock orange and its trainee team, eggtart, it doesn't really answer any of the questions that arose from that era. where did all the members go? why did mock orange have to disband? what question wasn't asked? why were jc and saint kept at such a distant from the album's creative process? this decision, especially, upset the general body of listeners who were no doubt tuned in to decadent with the hope of learning more about the mysterious siblings.

tangerine and eggtart and even mock orange were linked by the theory that the real lives of its artists — the outside world if you will — were being used to build and shape their world of music and entertainment. yet, there was nothing like that present in decadent could be traced to jc and saint. in a way they, the listeners, felt betrayed but also intrigued. how strange not even the morning could break open the enigma that were the last of the romantics.

outside of that, reviews for the epic were overwhelming positive. the morning siblings had proven, once again, they were a well stacked arsenal of creativity. boasting credits from the industry's biggest names and pushed further into the limelight by close friends, morning brew had gone above and beyond for their formal introduction as decadent's creative team.

every new release, morning brew's rhoszi and rabbit hosted a live where they talked in depth about the album process, the writers they worked with, and the sound which was shaped by cares the composer that, according to classic diehards, "is shaking things up".

rabbit adam made it harder

rhoszi that old man is very obnoxious but ...... i do prefer adam over um j. no offense. its just if he were here we'd never have gotten this out. we scrapped like what fifty songs? so many people sent in demos. it was crazy how many people were itching to get their share of decadent but eis was like who tf are these guys? and told them to stop emailing *laughs*

rabbit some of 'em were real corny too

rhoszi yeah... it didn''t fit well with everything going on. adam was like i want bigger concepts and bigger ideas so they weren't getting approved anyways. i liked that we had a base to build on with mock orange. mock orange did that with eggtart and tangerine back in the day

rhoszi i mostly had arthuriana in mind and the odyssey um yeah mostly knights and greek heroes and greens and winter and then maybe some foxes like the one in little prince or reynard

rhoszi i made a pinterest for everything with eis! oh, you wanna see it? um if i share it you have to promise not to laugh at my board names

rabbit i was thinking 'bout empty spaces, missing and forgotten and lost things, holes in the ground and holes in a body. bruises that can't be explained. heartache.

rabbit i used to watch eis play tangerine a lot when i was a kid and i remember thinking these guys are so sad and this girl is so alone. in a way, the epic becomes a formal goodbye to the characters of that old story or a way of reshaping them for their next role. they don't really stop being alone or sad. they just keep going. i wanted a main character that was disconnected and different across each odyssey. while the narrator, the performers in this case jc and saint and ian sui, just watches. hovers in the periphery. everything is decaying, has decayed and always will. but the character of the epic doesn't know that or does know that and doesn't care. they have to imagine there’s something more – something in the future. a new story.

rabbit also what i imagined when we were told 'bout decadent as a whole

rhoszi .....oh.....

rhoszi well...

rhoszi that's exactly what i said

rhoszi i was a little worried for them

rhoszi it’s a lot of pressure they’re under

rabbit the kids did a good job

rhoszi kids? mideumi is your age!

rabbit no

rhoszi yeah!

rhoszi they're so .. new i was just thinking how we all kinda looked like that at some point before we got used to it all

rabbit cause they're just kids

rabbit please be nice to the babies let em have their fun

rhoszi we should have 'em come say hello at some point. you guys'll like em. are they allowed to even share their names yet?

rabbit you said mideumi's

rhoszi oh!

rhoszi oops ... sorry mideumi

rabbit it reminds me of eggtart

rabbit having a different team that performs all the songs

rhoszi oh, that’s right! you were eggtart's rabbit for some time weren’t you ?

rabbit no it was just a gift

rabbit the name i mean

˖⠀⠀⠀⠀xxx⠀⠀⠀⠀tracklist⠀⠀⠀⠀✧✦⠀⠀⠀⠀youtube » spotify

bitter autumn. seville stay night memory pulp hwaa pale 112219 blood winter. dear you hann sanguine empty note jack frost melting 122119 sweet spring. periwinkle her bottled moon 808 hamlin sincerely 032020

a ballad heavy release playing up the theatrics of the epic genre, the album boasts credits from morning brew, of course, █████ █████ █████ and even ian sui under the name haute review. all tracks would chart relatively high with seville and sanguine debuting number one and consistently fighting one another for fan favorite of the epic. by the end of 2020, the epic would boast a plethora of records including the longest charting album. decadent's spotify would shoot up to third in the world.

the orange tracks ──── seville sanguine hamlin ──── were the title tracks for each odyssey and the determining tracks in how the sound of each odyssey would go. morning brew had planned every song to be named after an orange but quickly scrapped the idea due to how tacky it sounded. songs they felt would do well commercially were named after oranges and the other songs were determined by the writing - production team who were given an amplitude of freedom in the creative process.

morning brew shy away from the idea of a overarching lore, instead relying on concepts to finish up the epic. however, fans from the eggtart era beg to differ. to them, the epic does have a story that'll be told by decadent for years to come. whatever that may be is lost in the suffocating theme of love—a distraction from what the epic, and maybe even decadent, are really about.

their theory is based on how different sweet spring is from the gloomy, sad tunes presented in its preceding seasons. sweet spring is upbeat, bright, blooming until the final track, sincerely. the "tick tock rewind the clock" is enough for theorists to assume the clock is rewinding. the characters of tangerine, the boys of eggtart and mock orange are still sleeping, forced to continue the same story over and over.

others think the epic really is just a nice way to wrap up the strangeness of the orange era.

˖⠀⠀⠀⠀xxx⠀⠀⠀⠀promotions⠀⠀⠀⠀✧✦⠀⠀⠀⠀the epic of orange released just as jc saint kicked off their paperweight world tour. the overlapping schedules would make it near impossible for them to attend stages or variety shows. as a result, promotions for the album fell on the shoulders of ian sui the first boy group under newly made, lan lan label.

mideumi quickly became a fan favorite after being mentioned several times during rhoszi and rabbit's lives. fan accounts began opening for him and his ending fairies were going viral over social media.

many found it odd that not once throughout the paperweight tour did jc or saint acknowledge the album, decadent, or morning brew.

for the performances, the boys was kept barefaced and dark haired, playing up a fresh youthfulness that counteracted the moodiness of the epic. their clothes were oversized, mismatched with loose ties, dark pants, baggy pants, white unbuttoned tops, blazers and jackets and vests—all mimicking the uniform that have become part of jc and saint's brand. certain outfits were intentional direct copies, just styled in such a way that it was a casual take on the more gothic aesthetic of the brothers. it became a joke the trainees were just playing in jc and saint's closet especially after one of the trainees revealed jc had gifted him a jacket ──── this first real instance of jc and saint acknowledging the epic.

the goal of their outfits was to emphasize how out of place the members were, taken on such an ambitious debut rollout in the shadow of the mysterious brothers. there had been talk they just couldn't do it and, sure, vocally they weren't quite there but their charisma did more than enough to win over skeptics. especially when modishtv, their youtube channel, released preparation vlogs showcasing the many ways they'd been helpful in the comeback such as helping decide the backdrop for many of their stages.

the paperweight tour would have its final show in seoul, the same night as mama. by then everyone just assumed jc and saint had zero interest in their own group—well morning brew's group. maybe the whole thing was just a far too elaborate scheme to promote ian sui. the boys were already set to perform at the awards and tease an upcoming single. after all, the public had spent late 2019 and all of 2020 with them. they'd warmed up to them and it'd be weird for morning brew to just shove all twelve of 'em back to whatever basement they called home.

but not everyone counted jc and saint out! others believed they would show up! they'd perform one hell of a set, take home the awards they'd been nominated for, making it a night to remember.

the hours dwindled up, performance after performance wowed the audience, then it was decadent's turn and — and —

nothing. they didn't show. ian sui carried on like normal. of course this performance was spectacular! it was mama after all—that's where everyone shows off and the boys did show off. but it didn't matter that the set was jaw dropping or that they'd thrown together such a unique arrangement. everyone really hoped jc and saint would show. that's how these things always work. they disappear for however along, but they always come back. like come on! the tour had been timed so close to the award ceremony. no way, that was a coincidence!

decadent would receive album of the year, song of the year, and artist of the year — awards that were collected by ian sui. the boys thanked the public extensively for trusting them with the promotions for decadent, carefully skirting around any reference to jc and saint, to their absence. despite how badly people wanted to shit on ian sui, they just couldn't. the boys were too sweet for any hate and they'd worked hard despite how almost everyone wanted it to be those brothers so bad. plus, they did deserve some credit for the success of the epic of orange.

post award season, ian sui would be praised extensively for the epic promotions and their mama stage. morning brew got praised too, of course. but all the praise was always followed by but "where were jc and saint?" or "it would have been nice to see them" or "what was the point then?" jc and saint were willing to record all the songs but not perform them? not even acknowledge them?

it was yet another strange occurrence to be born from orange era. all the questions, the prodding at the underbelly of the epic's promo cycle, the almost demands at a response, the desire to see the brothers outside of the medium they were so unreachable in — to see them someplace a little closer to where the rest of the world lived or even halfway — was met, as it always is, with the silence of jc and saint.

[lucidlivi]

Never Been You

Requested: @hzllxhoundxx

Everything Tag List: @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @perpetualabsurdity @antisocialcorrupt @heavenlyackles @anixiiee @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @deans-spinster-witch @k-slla @alternativeprincess @spnbaby-67 (if you'd like added to my everything tag list, please indicate by saying "please tag me in everything Jensen/Dean")

Warnings: Angst, Demon Dean, Kidnapping, Violence, Mature Themes, Demon Dean Being an Absolute Dick

Following S10 E2, S10 E3 (of course with my twist!)

I got carried away so this is a hella long one for you guys!

"you need to get to Beulah North Dakota now!" I rushed out to Castiel who was on the other end of the phone call.

"I do?"

"yes, Crowley and Dean were there, we have to pick up their trail."

I looked over to see Sam in the truck hunched over in pain.

"good, great."

I felt the emotions wash over me for what felt like the thousandth time since seeing the footage of Dean, our Dean, sporting black eyes. Castiel has no idea.

"Not exactly, Cas, Dean's a Demon." I said feeling the unshed tears slip from my eyes.

"Dean's a Demon? How?"

"It's the mark Cas, it messed him up, I don't know." I cried.

"that's a vast understatement." Castiel grumbled.

"look Cas, I know you're not feeling so hot right now, but I need you, it’s sort of an all hands on deck situation, so…"

"so I'll be there."

I hopped back in the truck I had rescued Sam in and continued to drive to North Dakota. I played through every scenario in mind of how this could go, and none of them ended well.

I needed to find Dean, I needed to help him.

"I got a lead, disturbance at a night club, a rowdy patron beat a security guard senseless. It sounds like a demon thing to do." Sam said looking at his phone.

"I guess let's check it out then."

It was still daytime when we were pulling up to the strip club.

Of course Dean would end up here.

"think that's the guy?" I asked Sam, looking at a muscular security guard who was wearing a sling identical to Sam's and had two black eyes.

"I would say it's a safe bet."

I stopped the truck hopping out, followed by Sam.

"excuse me sir, is this the guy who attacked you last night?" Sam asked straight forward, showing a picture of Dean.

"that's the guy, I called 911 but he was gone before they showed up."

Damn.

I didn't expect him to still be here, but it felt like a blow to the gut to actually hear it.

"that dude get to you too?" He asked Sam referencing his sling.

"uh no, this uh is just a hunting accident." Sam responded.

"would you do us a favor, if this guy shows back up, please give us a call." I said producing a fake FBI business card with my number on it.

"you bet."

"thanks."

I ran a hand through my hair with a huff before getting back in the truck.

"what now?" I asked, feeling the tears prick at my eyes again.

I couldn't bare the thought of Dean actually being a demon.

"I don't know." Sam said in defeat.

I drove the truck to a nearby motel, renting us a room. Sam had been through hell, he needed to rest. I helped him lay down on the bed, noticing his eyes get instantly heavy.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get something out of the truck." I told him, rushing outside.

As soon as I stepped outside, I heard a voice that made my blood boil with anger.

"hello there love."

I turned around to see Crowley with a smirk on his face.

"did ya miss me?"

I huffed in anger, reaching behind me to pull a blade from my belt loop.

"oh so much." I growled.

"easy now, I know you're here for Dean, and I'm here to give him to you."

Is this a trick?

I could never truly trust Crowley.

"I don't understand."

"you see he's bad for business, he's.. he's become uncontrollable, must be the mark.." Crowley trails off with a smirk.

"anywho Dean's your problem now, again, forever." Crowley added.

"then where the hell is he?" I snapped, not being able to contain my anger towards the king of hell.

"ah ah, first there's a small matter of my finders fee."

"nothing ever comes free with you, wouldn't have expected anything less."

****************************************************

I hesitantly walk in to the bar not knowing what to expect. I didn't even tell Sam where I was going. I knew he didn't have the strength to fight, and I didn't want him to get hurt.

"hiya angel." Dean said looking up at me with a smirk.

I felt my breathing get heavy as I looked at him. It was Dean in the flesh, but this thing was so far from Dean. Dean was brave, he was kind, Dean cared.

"I told you to let me go." Dean said picking up his glass of whiskey and sipping it.

"you know I can't do that Dean."

He smirked, taking another sip.

"by the way, your pal Crowley, he sold you out, didn't take him much." I said stepping a bit closer.

"sounds like him."

"Dean, we can cure demons, don't you remember that?" I asked taking another step closer.

Dean picked up the first blade, walking past me in a threatening manner.

"a little latin, lot of blood, yeah it rings a bell. but did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed."

"Dean that was Crowley, you don't know what you're doing."

"that's what you think." Dean said pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"well it doesn't matter Dean, whatever happened, whatever went down, we will fix it." I said cautiously taking another step towards him.

"Oh will we? Meanwhile I'm doing all I can to not come over there and rip your throat out."

"Dean you don't mean that."

"I'm giving you a chance to run sweetheart, better take it." Dean threatened.

"I'll pass." I said quickly.

“I'm not walking out that door with you, I'm just not, so what are you going to do angel, huh? Are you going to kill me?" Dean asked.

I felt a chill run down my spine at the way he called me angel. It was laced with venom.

"I didn't come here to kill you."

"why? you have no idea what I've done, in fact I might have it coming."

"I don't care Dean, you're my best friend, and I'm here to take you home. I'm here to save you."

I wanted to admit so much more to him.

I wanted to tell him that it's because I was in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I was worried now that I wouldn't get the chance too.

I heard Dean start to chuckle.

"save me? why would you want to save me? it's never been you, you know." Dean said taking a sip.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dean got up sauntering his way over to me. I instinctively took a step back, not trusting him. I soon found out though, the more distance I tried to put between us the closer he got. I raised my hand up putting it on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

Dean smirked at me before twisting my arm and bringing his hand up to my throat. He pinned me to the wall a twisted look in his eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine, he was getting pleasure out of this.

"I see the way you look at me, the way you lust for me, you want me." Dean smirked.

I glared at him, trying to turn my face away, his hold on my throat getting tighter.

"you don't want to kill me because you're in love with me, and you have been for quite some time, haven't you?"

I couldn't speak, Dean's hold on me was too tight. I furrowed my eyebrows as if to convey he wasn't right, even though he was.

"and its never been you for me.. you see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, i've been fucking everything with a heartbeat." Dean growled.

I could feel the tears brim my eyes as his words cut in to me. I knew he was just trying to hurt me, but part of me wondered if that's how Dean actually felt.

He let go of my throat, shoving me to the floor. I instantly stood back up taking out the handcuffs from my back pocket.

"you really think those are going to work sweetheart?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"well there's one way to find out."

As I took a step forward, the window shattered and the entire room started filling with smoke. I looked to my left to see someone had threw a smoke grenade. I felt the air rush from my lungs as I breathed in the smoke. I put my shirt over my mouth and nose, trying to find an exit. I started to cough, as my vision got blurry.

I finally found the emergency exit, pushing it open. I saw the silhouette of a man on the other side as I collapsed from smoke inhalation. He struck me across the face hard, causing me to fall back to the ground, hitting my head in the process.

I was seeing stars as I sat clutching my bleeding head. Dean came out glaring the man down. I heard them exchange some words, but couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

I noticed myself start to slip in and out of consciousness.

I saw them start to fight, Dean clearly having the upper hand.

I felt like my head was on fire, as I glanced up seeing Dean holding the first blade to the guys neck. He was going to kill him. I was surprised when he dropped him, tucking the blade back in to his pocket. I tried to muster up any strength I could to get up, but my body was betraying me. Dean walked over to me, a sick grin etched on to his face as he swayed his hips.

"Dean please." I choked out.

"time to sleep now baby."

Dean raised his hand striking me, and that's the last thing I remember before my world went dark.

****************************************************

I was in agonizing pain as I fluttered my eyelashes open. I panicked as I couldn't move my body. I looked down to see my arms and legs were bound to a wooden chair. I gathered from my surroundings that I was in some kind of warehouse, but I didn't recognize where.

"oh good, you're awake."

Dean came over crouching in front of me so we were eye level.

"let me go." I growled.

"can't do that angel." He said caressing my cheek.

I quickly moved my head away, causing his hand to fall.

"you don't want to provoke me." Dean growled.

"or what? you're going to kill me?"

Dean gave a sickly sweet smile. He leaned in close whispering in my ear.

"or you're going to wish you were dead."

"I'm not scared of you Dean." I snapped.

Dean lets out a chuckle, standing to his feet.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, feisty little thing."

"why don't you let me out of these ropes and I'll show you just how feisty I can be."

Dean chuckled again, grabbing a bottle of whiskey taking a sip.

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you, this isn't even the real you." I scoffed.

"oh it's the real me alright, the new real me, the me who sees things for what they actually are."

I scoffed again rolling my eyes at his words.

"hunters, do-gooders, fighting the natural order, well let me tell you something sweetheart people like me, we are the natural order."

"yeah well people like me still gotta do what we can." I growled.

Dean smirked as he crouched back down to my eye level.

"oh don't be so full of yourself baby, cause you see from where I'm sitting, there ain't much difference from what I turned in to, to what you already are." Dean smirked.

"and what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.

Dean took one hand resting on my cheek, the other on the back of my neck so I couldn't move away from him again.

"I know what you did when you went looking for me, how far you went." Dean whispered, dangerously close to my face.

I felt the guilt sink back in.

I just kept telling myself I did what I had to in order to find Dean. I felt my breathing quicken as Dean came in closer, practically brushing his lips against mine.

"so let me ask you baby, which one of us is really the monster?"

I felt the tears brimming my lashes as Dean stared at me. Dean smirked as he stood back up.

"Now you and Sammy were trying to get a twenty on Crowley and me from any demon you could snag, but Crowley didn't want to be found, and no one showed when you summoned. But you my angel, you found your own way didn't you?"

I was ridden with guilt as I remembered how I tricked Lester in to summoning a demon to make a deal.

"You would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but you didn't really care about poor ol' Lester did you? Oh and just so you know, I uh killed Lester myself." Dean smirked as if it were funny.

"I never meant.." I started to choke out but Dean cut me off.

"who cares what you meant, that line that we thought was so clear between us and the things we hunted, ain't so clear is it?" Dean yelled.

I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling.

"wow, you know, you might actually be worse then me. I mean you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul, nice work baby." Dean said crouching back down.

I spit in his face, the anger I was feeling towards him boiling over. Dean angrily wiped his face off with the hem of his shirt.

"there's no point in trying to bring your best friend back now." Dean growled.

"oh I’ll bring him back, if it's the last thing I do." I growled.

"In fact, your uh guilt ridden, weight-of-the-world best friend, has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. I have to say though, I'm loving the new model, lean, mean, Dean."

I rolled my eyes turning my head away from him.

"I can't believe you're still trying! I mean, I couldn't wait to get away from you. I chose the king of hell over you! I guess I was just tired of having to coddle you, always having to yank your ass out of the fire. Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?" Dean said.

I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as he spoke.

"this isn't my best friend talking, he would never say those things." I spoke, more for my benefit than for his.

"you never had a best friend, just an excuse for wimping out, and guess what angel, I quit."

"no, you don't get to quit, we don't quit, okay you and me Dean we're bonded whether you like it or not, and this bond is all that we've got." I cried.

"well then we've got nothing." Dean smirked.

I looked down at the floor, praying that Sam had noticed I was gone. I was praying to Castiel to come find me. I knew if it came down to it, I couldn't kill Dean, even if it meant he'd kill me. I was praying for another solution.

I heard the door open and the sound of heeled footsteps against the floor.

"you brought us a play thing?"

I looked up to see a female, she wore black eyes similar to Deans.

"not us, mine." Dean growled at the girl who took a step closer to me.

"but I want to play too." she smirked coming over to me, brushing a piece of hair off my bare shoulder.

I shivered at her touch, trying to move away with what limited space I had.

"I said no." Dean growled.

I glanced up meeting Dean's eyes and for a second, just a second, I could see he wasn't totally gone.

"have you gone soft on us Winchester?"

"ha, not even, but you see that one's kind of a special project of mine, and I want to kill her myself." Dean smirked staring at me.

"okay, then I won't kill her."

As she said this, she shoved the chair back, causing me to hit my head on the concrete below. I grunted as the air was knocked out of my lungs.

"I'll just hurt her." she laughed.

"Dean please." I pleaded, struggling to breathe.

"Dean's gone." the woman whispered, running a hand through my hair.

"Dean I know you're in there. I'm begging you. I always rely on you because I know I can. Dean you're the most selfless person I know. I know that somewhere inside you still care. I know you don't want to hurt me Dean." I cried.

As I was putting on my show, I managed to wiggle one of my arms free. I reached around to grab my blade that was hidden in my belt loop, but I didn't feel anything.

"are you looking for this?" she smirked, inspecting the demon blade.

"go back to hell where you belong." I snapped.

"nice show, even almost had me fooled for a second." I heard her laugh.

She held the blade to my cheek. I could feel my breathing quicken as she ran the blade down my cheek towards my neck. She pressed in just enough to draw a small trickle of blood. I looked past her to try to reason with Dean again but I didn't see him.

I suddenly felt blood splatter on my face. It was coming from the woman's mouth as Dean plunged the first blade deeper in to her spine. I watched the life leave her eyes in an instant. Dean grunted as he ripped the blade out, her now lifeless body slumping over my own. He threw her body off of me, picking the chair back up.

He started to pace around the room as if he wasn’t sure what just happened.

"look what you made me do!" Dean yelled.

"Dean, let me go, and then I can help you." I whimpered weakly.

Dean glared at me, his eyes going black before flashing back to his normal green ones. Dean growled, opening the door to the room before slamming it shut leaving me alone.

I had to get out of here. I noticed my blade still on the ground, just a few feet from where I sat. If I can get to it, I can cut myself free.

I leaned over as far as I could, causing the chair to tip over sideways. I once again smacked my head on the concrete as I fell. I groaned at the impact but shook it off, using my free arm to pull myself closer to the knife. I reached out my arm, my fingers just barely grazing the handle.

"come on!" I exclaimed, trying to grip it again.

I finally managed to wrap my fingers around the handle of the blade. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief, cutting my other arm free from the ropes than cutting my ankles free. I stood up weakly looking for an exit. I took my sleeve, wiping the blood off my face.

I wasn't sure how much of it was hers, and how much of it was my own.

I finally saw a red exit sign. I mustered up all my strength sprinting over to it. I put my hand on the door, but suddenly stopped.

I couldn't leave him.

I wouldn't.

I was debating with myself when I heard a loud growl. Dean must've come back and noticed I was gone.

"you're coming home whether you like it or not." I whispered, running through the warehouse.

I could hear Dean walking after me, opening doors as he went. It was eery how calm he walked.

"come on baby, don't you want to hang out with me, spend a little quality time." Dean yelled.

I quieted my breathing as I found the keys to the electrical room. I moved quietly against the walls towards the room.

I heard Dean kick down some doors, growling every time I wasn't behind one of them. I managed to get to the electrical room. I fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the door.

"fuck" I muttered in frustration.

I finally got in, and immediately pulled every switch I could, killing the power.

"that's smart angel, but now I know where to find you." Dean growled as he rushed towards where I was.

I hid against the wall waiting for him. I heard him enter quietly, looking around for me.

"come on out angel, you're just making things worse for yourself." Dean growled.

I rushed over to the door, just as Dean threw the switches back, restarting the power.

"now this is me yanking your ass out of the fire." I spit slamming the door and locking him inside.

I heard Dean chuckle.

"this is your big plan, locking me in?"

"Dean, just please come with me and we can cure you." I said holding out my demon blade.

It was completely silent.

"Dean?"

I jumped in fright as Dean banged on the door, slowly splitting the wood.

"you act like I wanna be cured, personally I like the disease." Dean growled, using a hammer he found to break the door down.

"Dean stop! I don't want to use this blade on you!" I yelled holding it out further in front of my body.

"that sucks for you doesn't it angel, cause you really mean that." Dean smirked, hitting the door with the hammer again.

"Dean if you come out of that room, I won't have a choice." I whimpered, choking back tears.

"oh sure you will, and I know which one you'll make, isn't that right baby?" Dean growled smacking the door harder.

I knew the door wouldn't hold him much longer.

"I'm lucky though, cause there's just enough demon left in me that killing you, ain't gonna be a choice at all." Dean growled continuing to break the door down.

I felt the tears streaming down my face at this point. I could see the door giving way. I turned around sprinting away before it broke completely. I heard one last loud bang before the door gave way. Dean's heavy footsteps were once again behind me.

"come on angel, lets kiss and make up. I'm tired of playing let's finish this game." Dean growled.

I leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. I didn't have the strength to continue. I knew I was no match for him.

I glanced down the corridor where I thought Dean was coming from. I didn't see him though.

I turned around just in time to see a hammer flying towards my head. I ducked quickly, pushing my demon blade against Dean's throat. I could hear Dean chuckle as he looked at me, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"well, well look at you baby, go on do it." Dean growled leaning in to the knife.

I felt the tears cloud my vision as I slowly dropped the knife.

I couldn't kill him.

I watched as Dean's eyes went black. He gripped my throat throwing me against the wall before slamming me on the ground. I watched him take out the first blade, bringing it above his head.

"Dean I love you."

I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come.

But it didn't.

I opened my eyes to see Dean growling, as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself, a battle for his soul. I caught sight of Castiel sneaking up behind Dean, wrapping him in his arms. Dean growled, trying to get out of his grasp.

"Dean it's over." Cas said his eyes flashing their beautiful blue.

Dean collapsed in CastieI's arms, before I slapped the demon cuffs on him. I felt myself relax as I saw Sam rushing to my side.

****************************************************

"I'll meet you guys soon, just one thing left to do." I said holding the first blade in my hand.

"Be careful." Sam said placing a kiss on my forehead.

I gave him a nod, watching him get in the impala with Castiel and a still unconscious Dean. I sighed as they pulled away from me.

"you can stop hiding now." I called.

I saw Crowley emerge from the shadows, a smirk on his face as he eyed the blade.

"pleasure doing business with you." He spoke reaching his hand out.

I quickly pulled it out of his reach.

"what are you going to do with it?" I inquired.

"oh toss it in a volcano, leave it on the moon, i'll get creative." He laughed.

I hesitantly eyed him.

"believe me love, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. he knows I've ratted and he tends to hold a grudge....I don't want to get how you say boned."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"besides a deals a deal."

I huffed before handing the blade over to him.

"I hope you know this doesn't make us square, quite the opposite actually, I swear Crowley if I see you again.." I started but he cut me off.

"oh stop it love, no one likes a tease."

I glared at him one last time before hopping in the truck, starting the drive back to Kansas.

I felt like my head was going to explode from everything that had happened in such a short time. Dean's words replayed in my head on a continuous loop.

It wasn't him, I know that. It didn't make anything he said any less hurtful though.

It's never been you.

You see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, I've been fucking everything with a heartbeat.

Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?

I felt the tears cloud my vision, making the road harder to see. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I let out every emotion I'd been holding in.

I cried for Dean, I cried for what he went through. I cried for me. I cried for the strain that this was going to put on our relationship. I just cried.

I didn't know how long I'd been crying but I finally collected myself enough to start driving again. I knew that Sam and Castiel could handle Dean. I'm sure they were already back in Kansas, starting the purified blood cure on Dean.

I didn't even know if I was ready to face him again. I spilled my darkest secret to Dean, fearing that I would be dead and never having the chance to tell him.

Dean didn't kill me though.

He could have very easily, I didn't put up much of a fight.

But he didn't.

I was praying that maybe some part of him felt something for me too.

I managed to make the rest of the drive to Kansas. I pulled up to the bunker, hearing Dean growl as the demon was expelled from his body. I hesitantly walked over seeing him slumped over in a chair, much like I was hours ago. Sam injected another syringe of purified blood in to his arm.

"what the hell are we doing to him guys? I mean even after everything he said he didn't want to be cured, that he didn't want to be human." I spoke, feeling the tears that I was sure I had cried all out, start to rim my eyes once again.

"well, I can see his point, you know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain." Castiel said staring directly at me while talking about pain.

"I guess this is easier." Sam added.

I was about to respond when Dean groaned, trying to move. He raised his head, showing us his black eyes, before they returned to their shade of green.

Dean groaned hoarsely before exhaling a big breath. He looked at the three of us confused, as if everything was coming back to him.

"you look worried guys." Dean spoke up.

I could feel Dean's eyes stay on me. He stared at me intently. I just hoped I didn't look as broken as I felt.

Castiel, Sam, and I gave each other a look, all wondering the same thing. Was Dean back?

Sam uncapped the holy water throwing it on to Dean's face. I sighed with relief when he didn't have a reaction to it. Sam smiled at us. I was still a little apprehensive as was Castiel.

"Dean, we've missed you." Sam said.

Castiel and Sam unchained Dean, helping him to his feet. I felt like every word I wanted to say was stuck in my throat. Dean stared at me as the boys led him to his room. He was weak, the blood cure taking a lot out of him.

How was I even supposed to talk to him about this?

Castiel and Sam returned quickly after getting Dean settled.

"how's he doing?" I asked the boys.

"he's still a little out of it, but better. I mean I think the blood cure, all of it, it really wrecked him you know." Sam said giving me an apologetic look.

It was silent for a moment.

"on the plus side, he's hungry again so I'm going to go pick us up some food, you guys mind keeping an eye?" Sam added grabbing the keys to the impala.

I nodded my head as he walked out. Castiel was unnaturally quiet.

"what is it Cas?"

"one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that's true, but the mark of cain, that he still has, and sooner or later that's going to become an issue.”

I knew he was right, Castiel always was.

"one battle at a time Cas." I half smiled.

Castiel looked at me with a sad face. It was no use hiding my emotions from him because the angel always figured it out. Castiel stepped up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I felt a tear cascade down my cheek as I sunk in his embrace.

"I'm uh, going to get cleaned up." I whispered.

I felt every muscle in my body aching as I walked to the bathroom. I cringed when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like hell.

I sported a hand shaped bruise around my throat, along with a cut from my knife. I had a gash on my head, and my face was still crimson colored from the blood. I could see various other bruises forming all over. I licked over my lip that was busted from being thrown against the wall by Dean.

I definitely looked as broken as I felt.

I sighed as I stepped in to the steady stream of water, the sound of the water slapping against my skin drowned out my sobs. I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw.

I got out wrapping the towel tightly around my body. I tiptoed past Deans room. I couldn't help my curiosity as I heard Dean and Castiel talking.

"thank you, for stepping in when you did... has uh she talked to you? what does she say, does she want anything to do with me?" Dean asked.

I could hear the hurt in his voice. It made me hurt more.

"I'm sure she knows whatever you said, whatever you did, that wasn't really you, I mean it certainly wasn't all of you." Castiel reassured.

"Cas, I tried to kill her. Did you see her? I did that! I can't take back the things I said Cas." Dean said.

"Dean I feel I can be honest with you. You two have been through so much together, you're bonded. It'll take a lot more than you trying to kill her with a hammer to get her to walk away." Castiel said.

"you realize how screwed up our lives are that, that even makes sense?" Dean says causing Cas to chuckle.

"I think you should talk to her, and then maybe you should uh take some time, allow both of you to heal."

I heard Castiel exit Dean's room, closing the door. He gave me a wordless look as he passed, signifying that his words were just as much meant for me as they were for Dean.

Castiel the wise.

Of course I couldn't walk away from Dean.

I sighed as I walked to my room, quickly throwing on some clothes. As soon as I lay in my soft bed, I realize how burnt out I was. I heard a soft knock on my door.

"yeah?" I called out hesitantly.

"it's me, the real me."

I felt the air get caught in my throat.

"come in."

Dean opened the door slowly. I could see the hurt flashing in his eyes at he looked at me. I sat up not meeting his eyes. Dean walked over, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"(y/n), I.."

"you don't have to apologize Dean, I know that wasn't you." I spoke.

"it doesn't make it any less shitty though." He said through gritted teeth.

"or hurt any less." I admitted.

Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration. I could see that this was really hurting him.

"but you could've killed me, and you didn't, you saved me, you stopped yourself." I said finally meeting his eyes.

"I couldn't kill you. I feel for you too much, even as a demon." Dean whispered, hesitantly looking at me.

I felt my heart swell up at his words.

"what I said, it wasn't true." Dean said, sliding just a bit closer to my body.

"it's okay if part of it was, it's never been me and that's okay." I said feeling my heartache.

Dean looked at me as if I had three heads.

"never been you? It's always been you."

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as Dean put a hand up, caressing one of them.

"Dean I don't know how we move on from this." I cried.

"I don't know either, but we're going to do it, together, just like always."

I smiled at Dean for the first time.

"there's my Dean." I whispered.

Dean leaned in slowly, leaning his forehead against mine.

"did you mean what you said?" Dean asked hesitantly.

I gave him a confused look.

"that you love me, did you mean it?"

I swallowed nervously as I stared at him. I slowly nodded my head adverting my eyes from his gaze. Dean grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I gasped as Dean crashed his lips on to mine. I was shocked so naturally I was still. Once my brain processed what was happening I pressed my lips against his, kissing him as if my life depended on it. He pulled away slowly, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.

“I love you too, I always have.” Dean spoke.

I felt the tears well in my eyes again, but these tears were different. These weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of pure love.

Dean smiled as he reconnected our lips together in a heated kiss. It was lustful, neither one of use being able to contain the passion we had felt for each other for far too long.

Dean slid his hands under my shirt, gripping on to my hips as he deepened the kiss. I was so caught up in the moment I ignored my muscles screaming at me to stop. Dean brought my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss just long enough to do so. I felt insecure as my bare chest was now exposed for him. I panted as he brought his lips down to my neck gently kissing over the bruise.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Dean said in between kisses.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt taking it off. I saw the mark of cain glistening on his forearm. I brought his arm to my lips, slowly kissing over the mark. Dean pushed me back on the bed so he was hovering over me. I gasped as his hands slid there way down my body to my shorts.

It was slow and passionate. I felt like my skin was on fire every time his fingertips met my skin. Dean dragged my shorts down my legs, his fingers brushing against my sensitive heat.

I wasted no time putting my hands in his pants yanking them down over his butt and down his legs. I was surprised to feel that he was already fully erect.

“do you want this?” Dean asked kissing my lips.

“more than i’ve ever wanted anything.”

Dean, with my consent slowly slid himself in to me. I groaned as my body adjusted to his large girth. He started to move at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of finally being together so intimately.

“It’s always been you.” Dean said as he thrusted deeply.

I don’t think either of us had the energy for the sex we really wanted to have but this sex was sweet, and full of love. I moaned as Dean picked up the pace, but still savoring the feeling of every thrust inside of me. I brought my hips up matching his thrusts. I was a moaning mess as we thrusted against each other, our lips crashing with each thrust.

“Dean” I moaned signifying that I was close.

Dean thrusted some more, softly but at a steady rhythm. I moaned one last time as I felt myself spilling over the edge. I was gripping him so hard, it cause him to release his arousal too. Dean’s body gave out as he collapsed beside me.

“hey guys I got the… oh god really Dean?” Sam said dropping the bag of food and covering his eyes.

I laughed at him, joined by Dean.

“not even back twenty four hours and this is how you’re spending your time.” Sam groaned in embarrassment.

“blame Cas, he’s the one that told us we should talk.” Dean laughed.

Sam backed out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I gazed at Dean but found out he was already staring at me.

“I didn’t save you, you saved me.” Dean whispered tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’ll always save you Dean.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

Author Note:

I really hope you guys like it! If you feel so inclined please leave a heart, comment, reblog or a follow! I appreciate it!

[ultfreakme]

I think a big reason for a lot of anti Jiang Cheng takes which entirely dismiss his good traits, is because people are under the impression that Wei Wuxian always has, and always will, hate Jiang Cheng. There's a tendency to pit Jiang Cheng against Wei Wuxian and specifically use their moralities to deem that Jiang Cheng is morally reprehensible to the extreme in a lot of anti JC posts, and use this morality argument to talk down on Jiang Cheng in his entirety. If not WWX, then Lan Wangji is who he is compared with because it's pretty obvious LWJ doesn't like JC, and LWJ is far better at taking decisions based on his moral codes than Jiang Cheng.

Which is really sad because it leaves this atmosphere that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian held no love for each other, or there is an easy way to categorize their relationship when there isn't.

There is love between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, even at the end of the story. Wei Wuxian comforts Jin Ling by saying he should rely on Jiang Cheng. Jiang Cheng is pretty calm when Wei Wuxian picks LWJ and is somewhat, resigned, and almost at peace watching him go. They both have reasons to hate each other but ultimately they respect and admire each other's virtues. Push comes to shove, they will go to help each other in the future even if they can't go back to the closeness they once held. There's too much history there.

I wish we could all appreciate the context in which each character is placed, and see where they all come from.

[jcs-study]

JCS Holy Week Watch Parties

So... this is something I've wanted to pull the trigger on for a while, but I haven't had the resources lined up to do it. Until now.

Presenting...

Jesus Christ Superstar Holy Week 2025

A series of watch parties of various versions of the beloved rock opera in the lead-up to Easter, in chronological order of release!

WHAT'S SHOWING AND WHEN?

Easter Sunday, April 13: 1973 film

Holy Monday, April 14: 1992 Australian revival cast (live)

Holy Tuesday, April 15: 1995 Indigo Girls Resurrection cast at SXSW (live)

Spy Wednesday, April 16: 2000 film

Maundy Thursday, April 17: 2012 Broadway revival cast (live)

Good Friday, April 18: 2012 arena tour

Holy Saturday, April 19: 2014 Swedish arena tour

Easter Sunday, April 20: 2018 NBC concert

WHERE?

This link, every night.

WHAT TIME?

11:30 PM (or 19:30, if you're on a 24-hour clock) UTC, every night. (To find out what that is in your time zone, go here.)

GROUND RULES

Feel free to invite friends -- the more, the merrier! Just make sure they see this post first so they know what is expected of them.

Some showings will have unique material beforehand, hence the slightly early start. (For example, tonight, '73 will be preceded by newsreel footage from on set, the trailer, and coverage of the UK premiere, to sort of prime the pump and get you in the mindset of somebody seeing the movie for the first time.)

None of these will be piecemeal or in chapters. Whole feature, start to finish, soup to nuts (as they used to say in the olden days). Plan bathroom and snack breaks accordingly. (Also, if you get there late, you see what you see when you see it. We're not rewinding just for you.)

No mics or cameras enabled. The focus will be the film of choice for the evening. If you want to chat or share thoughts, click the little speech bubble icon in the lower right hand corner to open text chat.

I recommend using a computer, whether desktop or laptop, so that no errant taps disrupt the viewing experience for others, which -- in my thick-fingered experience on my smart phone -- is all too easy on a mobile device.

Tonight, "the rocks and stones themselves will start to sing," so get out your palm branches and start wavin'!