#JACK OF ALL TRADES FAILURE OF ONE (COOKING)

[ear-worthy]

Brian Grazer & Ron Howard’s Imagine Entertainment Announce Lineup for Their iHeartPodcasts

There's a general rule in the entertainment business that success in one field does not guarantee success in another. Anyone remember pop star Brittany Spears's foray into acting? Or pop diva Mariah Carey as a thespian? How about model/spokesperson Tyra Banks as a singer? Or William Shatner with his spoken word "musical" album decades ago?

It's difficult to invade another medium and be successful. It takes talent, an understanding of that medium, and a thoughtful business strategy.

So the announcement that Imagine Entertainment, makers of Apollo 13, Liar, Liar, The DaVinci Code and the TV show Parenthood among many other films and shows, should be a positive development for Imagine and podcasting.

Only the local tarot card reader in your local strip mall and Matt Belloni from The Town podcast can predict the future accurately on this announcement.

So Imagine Entertainment President Justin Wilkes just announced a new slate of shows from their audio division in collaboration with iHeartPodcasts. The robust lineup of shows is the first to emerge from the slate deal formed between Imagine and iHeartMedia.

Imagine Audio, headed up by Kara Welker, will release six innovative new podcast series, produced by Nathan Kloke and co-produced by iHeartPodcasts. The slate features familiar voices like a workplace audio comedy from Ron Howard, a punk-rock murder mystery hosted by music anthropologist, and director Penelope Spheeris (Decline of Western Civilization, Wayne’s World), as well as compelling new voices like environmental thought leader Chris Turney and writer Davis Miller, a man who overcame childhood bullying through an unlikely friendship with Muhammed Ali. Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Wilkes serve as Executive Producers across the slate.

“At Imagine Entertainment, our priority has always been telling stories that inspire and empower, and we are thrilled to debut our first slate of shows as we expand into the audio space with iHeartMedia,” said Justin Wilkes, President of Imagine Entertainment.

“We are pleased to announce this compelling slate from iconic names like Ron Howard and Isaac Mizrahi as well as thought-provoking content exposing issues like climate change and the billion dollar sugar industry through a whole new lens,” said Conal Byrne, CEO of iHeartMedia Digital Audio Group. “Imagine Entertainment has an outstanding, decades-long reputation for bringing award-winning TV shows, features and documentaries to our screens, and we can’t wait to bring Imagine’s bespoke content to even more audiences in the audio space through iHeartPodcasts.”

The first podcast in this aggressive lineup of shows, Hello Isaac hosted by Isaac Mizrahi, has just debuted with new episodes available Mondays each week. Imagine Audio and iHeartPodcasts’ full slate of shows will include:Hello Isaac — Available now: Isaac Mizrahi is a jack of all trades – an iconic fashion designer, actor, singer, television presenter, and a pretty darned good cook too! Isaac Mizrahi will join experts in their field to learn how their lives - the failures, the success and their process forged them into the experts they are today. Featured guests in this raw interview show include Carson Kressley, Andy Cohen, BenDelaCreme and more. Produced with Awfully Nice. Listen now here. Please don't wear cargo pants while listening. Big Sugar — Launching June 20: Big Sugar is a timely story covering an epic legal battle pitting the multi-billion-dollar sugar industry against the migrant laborers who harvest sugarcane, while revealing corporate malfeasance, human rights violations, DC lobbying, nutrition downfalls and the destruction of the environment. Relentless journalists and lawyers uncover a complex network of relationships, policies, and transactions involving the highest levels of government and the communities where we live. From Novel and Weekday Fun. The official audio trailer is available now. The bitter side of sweet. Employees Only — Launching July 17: From creator Ron Howard, Employees Only is an improvised workplace comedy following employees at a big box store who spend their break discussing, debating, and arguing about the day’s news. This podcast is an innovative new approach to a sitcom, with a topical look at the news from every angle and perspective. Produced with Pretty-Fast. Sounds like Superstore meets CNN. Unf**king The Future — Launching August 8: In Unf**king the Future, climate scientist and expedition leader Chris Turney takes listeners on an increasingly urgent environmental journey, exploring the scary reality the planet faces today, and the common–sense solutions that can be implemented now to save it. Produced with Awfully Nice. Climate change deniers beware! Peter and the Acid King — Launching September 18: Peter and the Acid King takes listeners on a deep dive through the grimy, chaotic world of the Los Angeles punk scene in the early ’80s and the brutal murder of New Wave Theater TV host, Peter Ivers, the dynamic performer and artist known for bringing punk rock to TV. Created by Alan Sacks (Du-Beat-E-O, Thrashin, Welcome Back Kotter) and narrated by punk historian and esteemed director Penelope Spheeris (The Decline of Western Civilization, Wayne's World). Featured guests include Jello Biafra, Frank Salerno, and Ron Howard. Produced with Awfully Nice. Forensic Files meets the Sex Pistols. The Tao of Muhammad Ali — Launching October 3: The Tao of Muhammad Ali from Davis Miller and based on his international best-selling book, will start with the true story of how The Champ selflessly saved a bullied young boy, the creator himself, Davis Miller, from a paralyzing depression and propelled him to success through his “Tao.” The show will carry listeners through the later years when Davis and Ali are reunited while Ali was in the throes of Parkinson’s, sharing years of The Champ’s wisdom and doctrine, which made Ali a role model and guru for millions, including stories from many of the celebrities and people of influence who were deeply impacted and inspired by their time with Ali. Produced with Awfully Nice. Something unique.

Over the last five years, Imagine has emerged as a force in the unscripted space with their prolific documentary division. Imagine is further expanding on their success in the space with the formation of Imagine Audio.

See below if you'd like to read more about Imagine Entertainment.

#

About Imagine Entertainment

Imagine’s productions have been honored with more than 60 prestigious awards including 47 Academy Award nominations and 228 Emmy® award nominations. Past productions include the Academy Award Best Picture winner "A Beautiful Mind", as well as Grammy Award Best Film winner "The Beatles: Eight Days A Week – The Touring Years." Recent productions include the critically-acclaimed film "Thirteen Lives" directed by Ron Howard, the hit film "tick, tick…Boom!" directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, and the critically acclaimed documentaries “Judy Blume Forever”, Sacha Jenkin’s “Louis Armstrong’s Black & Blues”, Rory Kennedy’s “Volcano: Rescue from Whakaari”, "Lucy & Desi" directed by Amy Poehler (Two-time Emmy winner ) and "We Feed People". Prior films include "Get on Up", “Rush", "Frost/Nixon", "American Gangster", "The Da Vinci Code", "Apollo 13", "8 Mile", "Liar, Liar", “Backdraft", and “Parenthood" to name a few. Upcoming productions 'The Beanie Bubble", from Kristen Gore and Damian Kulash; “Candy Cane Lane” starring Eddie Murphy and directed by Reginald Hudlin;, and the animated feature "The Family Treehorn.” Television productions include “Genius: MLK/X” (Disney+); "Wu-Tang: An American Saga" (Hulu); “Swagger" (Apple); Under the Banner of Heaven (FX); and Jax Media’s "Emily in Paris" (Netflix). Documentary productions include the “Crime Scene" anthology series, The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel, The Times Square Killer and The Texas Killing Fields, all of which reached the top #5 globally on Netflix; "Genius: Aretha" (NatGeo); “Julia"; "Paper & Glue"; "Rebuilding Paradise"; and Jigsaw’s “Tiger" documentary (HBO), to name a few. Additional television productions include Fox’s “Empire”; the “24" franchise; NatGeo’s “Genius" anthology series; NBC’s “Parenthood" and "Friday Night Lights''; Fox’s and Netflix’s "Arrested Development"; and HBO's "From the Earth to the Moon", for which Howard and Grazer won the Emmy® for Outstanding Mini-Series. Grazer and Howard began their collaboration in the early 80’s with the hit comedies ``Night Shift" and “Splash", and continue to run Imagine Entertainment as executive chairmen.

[ccyclonedoodleblog]

Coming up with some head canons for the first crew. Focusing on the original 5 bots from FNaF 1 here!

All of these are for the anthro designs of the bots - not the android AU that I have.

He's the second oldest of the crew and the shortest - not counting Goldie.

Freddy Fazbear

His height and chubby body was made to correct the mistakes in Fredbear. He even has less teeth than the others

His nose squeaks, and despite the posters, Freddy adores having the kids climb up on him and booping his nose.

The staff is obviously not keen on having kids so close to animatronics.

At night, Freddy is the one to enforce the rules. He makes sure that Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy do as they're told and do not gang up on the night guards. He wants it to be fair.

He is closest to Goldie, as he just wants to keep him safe. He fears that out of everyone, Goldie is most likely to be taken away from them.

That being said, Freddy is strong enough and can open the doors of the office from the outside. If a guard "cheats", he will not tolerate it.

His role is the leader, to do right by his team and to keep them safe. He takes his job seriously and will do anything for the good of his team.

When the pizzeria closed, he took it the hardest. He saw himself as a failure and knew it'd only be a matter of time before the humans came to deactivate them.

When "Purple Guy" (or Erik in my AU) came to destroy them, he put up a hell of a fight. He was able to take an eye from him before his systems gave out and he was deactivated.

The most laid back of the group.

Bonnie Bunny

Bonnie goes with the flow. He often agreeing with whatever plan Freddy has for them, or rolling with whatever odd idea Chica comes up with.

Bonnie's gender is "Whatever"

Any pronouns work, and this bunny will just respond to whatever their coworkers call them.

No really. He/him, she/her, they/them, or any combination works. He often switches it up.

She loves to play guitar on the nights without a guard. It's the best time for her to practice, and she has some original songs written down.

When they killed "Phone Guy" (Or Phil in my AU), Bonnie was devastated. While he knew he wasn't Phil's favorite, he loved the guard. Phil did so much for them, for them supplies and kept them safe. But the crew was following orders, and Phil knew the risks.

Of course, they love to write songs about their coworkers, coming up with a tune for everyone. Chica just so happens to be their main inspiration.

His role is their guitarist, but Bonnie is a jack of all trades. He is a fast learner and picks up little skills here and there. He's even learned how to do simple repairs.

When the pizzeria closed, she was the most relieved by the news. No more killing, no more night guards. She thought they would just be left alone to rot in the building and was thrilled to finally do whatever she wanted.

On the night Erik came to destroy them, Bonnie was shocked to see Freddy was destroyed. They were too caught up morning for their boss, their friend. They didn't even see him coming.

She is the loudest of the three main band members.

Chica

She is also programmed to be bilingual and acts as a translator at times. Otherwise, she personally sees it as her job to check up on the families.

What devastated her the most was losing the ability to walk around during the day. Being confined to a stage alone ate away at her

When the pizzeria was open, she would pester the staff to let her cook something. She wanted to try it and would sulk every time they denied her.

Phil let her try cooking once. It ended poorly.

Chica adores all of her coworkers, but she is smitten with Bonnie. She's amazed at how carefree he seems, and does all she can to comfort the worrywart that lies under that relaxed facade.

When the pizzeria closed, Chica was neutral. She knew what this meant for them, their lack of a future, but she decided the best thing she could do was to just pretend everything was going to be fine.

She also is the only bot who checks up on Foxy. They bond over their hatred of being confined.

When it comes to her role, she's the back up singer for Freddy. However, she's appointed herself as their party planner and unofficial manager. She jokes about it, but she does take her job seriously and is always thinking about ways to help the band grow.

When Erik came to destroy them, she put up a fight. Chica is pretty strong, and with Erik being so injured, he spent a good amount of energy taking her down. In the end, he was able to trip her to get the upper hand.

Captain Foxy

He was the last bot brought into the crew, and had mixed results with the others when he first joined

The kids adored him, his shows brought in far more attention than the band itself.

Bonnie was weary of him. Too much attention was taken for the band and they worried that the three of them would be scrapped.

Chica thought he was a reckless mess. Not bad, just a potential risk to the kids

Freddy was inspired by his energy. He wanted to make all of their performances feel unique.

Foxy's role was simple. Draw people in, be the "villain" of the show. He took it with pride and did all he could to make every act big and exciting. He'd tell tall tales of the sea, sing shanties, dance with the kids, and course he'd get Freddy involved by stealing his hat or challenging him to a duel.

When Foxy was placed behind an out of order sign, he was miserable. He lost his friendship with Freddy, snapped at Bonnie, and tried to chase Chica away.

His behavior worsened when the pizzeria closed. He wasn't given a final performance, or any way to go out with a bang. Instead, he spent that last day hiding behind his curtain, watching the performance.

The night that Phil was killed, he took no part in it. He adored that night guard and lashed out at Freddy later on. When he was reminded that all of the. Had blood on their hands, he finally dropped it.

Foxy was the last bot to wake up from sleep mode on the night that Erik came. He was furious when he saw the broken bodies of his friends. He wanted to gut Erik for it, and he nearly succeeded. Foxy's body was far too broken after years of neglect, so he didn't last long with the strain of it all. He at least got a good slash of his hook in before he was deactivated.

Golden Freddy

Originally Fredbear

His internal systems never changed. The humans essentially ripped his brain out and placed it into a smaller body. He was reintroduced as Goldie Fazbear, Freddy's adventurous nephew.

Goldie was meant to fully interact with kids and was small enough to easily walk around. During the short time he was activated, he did his job well, and he loved his new family.

However, he could still remember bits and pieces of his previous life. Nothing was clear at first, as they tried to reset his entire system. But the more he remembered, the more his body failed. He was soon placed back stage, deactivated.

At night, he would reactivate, though his empty body made a perfect home for the lost souls in the pizzeria. They all screamed in his mind at once, making it impossible to tell how many voices there were. 10? 30? 50? It was unbearable.

His role changed to the whims of those possessing him. He would enforce the cycle for revenge and lash out at the other animatronics should they not work towards killing the night guards. Which meant that with success brought another lost soul into his mind.

There was despair when the pizzeria closed. Goldie wanted to help free the souls, which meant killing the rightful murderer. A closed establishment couldn't exactly lure in the right person.

When Erik deactivated the others, Goldie silently watched from the shadows. He waited for Erik to bring his bloody and beaten body to the hidden back room, where he followed him.

He watched in horror as Erik used the body of Spring Bonnie to try and escape, even more so when he saw his old companion set off the spring locks herself, murdering Erik.

The last thing he recalls seeing was several souls vanish, but not all of them. He remembers the fear he felt the the cycle wasn't over. His system gave out and he was left deactivated.

[pinoyscientists]

Meet Christelle Ancajas, organic chemist

1) What do you do?

I’m what you call a “synthetic organic chemist in training” since I’m currently a third-year PhD student in Chemistry. Research in our group includes the design of liposome systems for drug delivery applications and the synthesis of lipid probes for elucidating biological activities.

In my work, I design, synthesize, and characterize unnatural lipid substrates that can be fed to live cells to produce chemically functionalized versions of important lipids. I then perform various techniques to detect the abundance and localization of labeled lipid products using fluorescence microscopy, fluorescence-based thin layer chromatography, flow cytometry, and lipidomic mass spectrometry.

This research is important because certain lipid classes play important regulatory roles or are important biomarkers. While many detection methods are known for studying DNA, RNA, and proteins, tracking lipids is a particular challenge due to the constant interconversion between lipid species that are not directly encoded in the genome. 

This area of research is exciting, and I think it’s time for us to shift some focus to look at a different class of biomolecules. We are really interested lipid metabolic pathways and its potential use for targeted delivery of drugs. Protein-lipid interactions is also a big area to explore.

2) Where do you work?

I’m pursuing my PhD in Chemistry at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville under the guidance of Dr. MIchael Best. I do most of my research in a typical synthetic organic chemistry lab and also spend hours conducting studies at other departments such as in a microbiology lab and an advanced microscopy-imaging center on campus. 

Outside of research labs, you may find me in organic chemistry teaching labs or proctoring exams in lecture halls depending on the semester or assigned class for TA (teaching assistant) work. 

 3) Tell us about the photos!

[Left:] Selfie with my hood- where all the cooking happens (top). I spend hours and hours using the confocal microscope (bottom). 

[Right:] Selfie with my amazing labmates while at the neighboring Oak Ridge National Lab (top). Joined Bachata team and got to perform at a stage for the first time right before the pandemic hit in 2019 (bottom). 

4) Tell us about your academic career path so far. 

Elementary: Visayan Nazarene Bible College in Cebu, Philippines (2008) I was born to a dedicated field engineer (my father) and a passionate chemistry teacher (my mom). 

High School: Bluestone High School and Governor’s School of Southside Virginia (2010-2014)

College: B.S. Chemistry at Randolph-Macon College (2014 - 2017) During my undergrad years, I was fortunate to conduct awesome research in two separate labs. While I spent most of my senior year working through a glove box (physical organic chemistry), I had a short research stint that involved cellular microscopy techniques as well as working with mice (cell biology). I graduated in 2017 before taking a gap year to complete my graduate program applications.  

Current: Ph.D in Chemistry – Candidacy stage (2018 - present)

5) Anything else you’d like to share?

Outside of research, I have very diverse interests- mirroring the very nature of my research (Think jack of all trades, master of none if you recall the various areas of my work: organic synthesis, lipidomics, imaging, cell culture…)

For one, I love dancing as much as I love science. Play any type of music and you’ll see my foot tapping away. Particularly though, I enjoy social dancing (bachata and salsa). Second, I’m a language enthusiast. If time allows, I watch TV shows and podcasts in Spanish. Although first language attrition will never happen to me kay mag binisaya man gihapon ko pirmi (because I constantly still speak Bisaya), I try to listen to as much OPM as I can so I don’t lose touch with my Tagalog. I’m also a bigtime fangirl and love me a boyband with good harmonies. Some of my favorite bands are SB19, SHINee, and CNCO. All in all, these interests are part of my identity as a #PinoyScientist.

Lastly, for fellow scientists out there, research is humbling, and we encounter failures every day. But we do what we do because we love it! However, making mistakes over and over again and failed experiments day in and day out can be taxing to your motivation, self-confidence, and how you value yourself. It’s very easy to get your self-worth mixed up with your productivity level. The pursuit for knowledge and discovery is definitely not easy and motivation comes in waves. So, hang on to the extracurricular things outside of research- those little passions that bring you joy and light you up. 

If you want to chat or follow along my PhD journey, I document my research life on my chemstagram account: @chemistelle

[toho-literature]

Perfect Memento in Strict Sense: Pages 117-120 - Heroic Legends: Marisa Kirisame

Ordinary Magician

Marisa Kirisame

Occupation: Magician

Ability: Use of magic

Residence: Forest of Magic

A very unusual magician who lives in the Forest of Magic.

More specifically, magician is her occupation, but she is human.

She's clad in mostly black clothes, wears an enormous black hat and is often seen going to the shrine.

She usually doesn't appear much in the human village.

She is the only daughter of the proprietor of the successful Kirisame second-hand shop in the village, but it appears she's cut off all relations there (*1).

The forest isn't her only home; she also runs a general store, the "Kirisame Magic Shop".

However, due to the difficulty of finding the store in the forest, and the fact that nobody has any idea what she really deals with in the first place, she has rarely been seen actually working.

Her personality is condescending as if trying to make fools of others, and tends to have difficulty expressing sympathy towards others, but she can be refined, and it is interesting to be with her.

Ability

She has the ability to use magic.

Her specialty is magics that are mostly concerned with light and heat.

She likes to say, "It ain't magic if it ain't flashy. Danmaku's all about firepower."

The magic she uses does appear flashy, but their source is relatively simple.

First, she has to hunt for magical mushrooms to use as the fuel, which only grow in the wild.

Next, she has a peculiar way of preparing them that involves boiling them for several days in a concentrated soup.

She'll create blends of many kinds of soups and dry them into a solid mass over the course of a few more days.

At that point they're ready for magical experimentation.

She will run all sorts of experiments, including throwing the masses, heating them or submerging them in mountain stream water.

Very rarely, she'll discover a truly magical reaction in the course of these experiments.

She'll record both failures and successes in her records, and then begin gathering mushrooms once again.

Her magic is extremely flashy, and indeed quite beautiful, but it's backed up by a considerable amount of nothing but her own effort, which she goes to great lengths never to show others.

In other words, it's not unlike a gigantic fireworks show.

Still, it's quite unusual for a human to be able to use magic to this extent (*2).

She says this is also due to the effects of the Forest of Magic.

Kirisame Magic Shop

Her main occupation.

Or so she says, but she's almost never been seen actually working.

The shop is located at her house, but not only do you have to make your way safely through the Forest of Magic to get there, you must do so while she's actually home.

It is as if she doesn't seem to be concerned at all with conducting business.

Furthermore, the shop's interior is disorganized beyond imagination, almost as if it's a miniature Forest of Magic in itself.

She undertakes a wide variety of work, ranging from making gambling predictions to the resolution of serious incidents.

However, if you want to see her use magic, requesting her to put on a summer fireworks display might be a good idea.

Since she typically accepts payment on success, she won't take any money at all in the case of failure, which is surprisingly forthright of her.

Her Magic

She says she does any kind of magic, but that doesn't mean she can actually use a variety of different spells.

Her magical skills are generally limited to destruction, so there isn't much she can do besides youkai extermination.

However, her powers generally have few weaknesses, and have the same effect regardless of their target, be they human or youkai, so there are few who can match her in terms of sheer destructive power (*3).

As she usually spends a lot of time at the shrine, whenever someone requests that the Hakurei shrine maiden take care of a youkai, she often decides to do it herself.

Due to her considerable skill as a youkai hunter and especially since the establishment of the spell card rules, she will shamelessly flaunt her showy magic abilities every chance she gets.

Since she seems to act in competition to the shrine maiden, they help improve the other.

Occupation as a Thief

Her other occupation is as a common burglar.

She seems to be more enthusiastic about that than being a jack-of-all-trades.

Her motto is openly breaking in from the front and openly saying "I'll just be borrowin' these" while carrying things away.

She especially seems to feel little guilt in carrying off books, even though they become damaged easily.

The Gensokyo Chronicles of the Hieda family have not, as of yet, incurred any losses, but it would be dangerous if the existence of this collection were to become public knowledge.

Tools

Magic users occasionally use tools.

The tools this particular magician uses include a magic broom, a miniature furnace, and handmade grimoires.

She uses the magic broom to ride around on because she believes it's an essential tool for a magician.

It was originally a normal broom for cleaning, but it was affected by her constant use of it in magical rituals and began an unusual growth of its own.

Leaves appear to be sprouting from the handle, even though it is already dead.

This is unrelated to her magic.

The furnace is her strongest weapon, and manages to hold up through strenuous use in magical experiments and cooking.

It's a miniaturized source of immense firepower, the only one of its kind in Gensokyo.

It fuels her magic power and she is able to control it at will, from gentle flames for simmering pots overnight to fire powerful enough to cause bushfires.

However, it's not an item of her making, but was created by Kourindou.

The grimoires are a careful recording of the results of all of her magical experiments, regardless of their outcome.

They're grimoires in name only, simply a record of her actions.

She probably believes that magicians need to have books.

In addition, she seems to have various other small implements that are hidden away in her skirt or her hat (*4).

*1: As this is a private matter the details are unclear, but it may be related to the fact that the Kirisame family doesn't deal in magical items.

*2: It's possible that in the future she may become a (youkai) magician.

*3: Among humans.

*4: It's probably dangerous to hide things that explode when thrown.

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Aries 

You're going to make an amazing reflex-save of some falling fragile object. Take a bow to the people around you - even if it’s in a grocery store. Any little opportunity to enjoy life should be taken. 

Taurus 

You're not the only one depressed by your failures. The spirits of your Seventh-Generation Grandparents are too. Mostly because they can barely understand what you’re talking about. Explain some modern idioms to them once in a while. 

Gemini 

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. It’s possible for you both to be right. The best you can do is to sneak up on them in the dark and impale them with your Bat’leth! If you don’t have one already, assassinations are not the way to go this week. 

Cancer Moon-Child 

Now that you’ve gotten your vaccination you can expect your superpower to manifest soon. One of the weirdest possible ones is sweating Nitroglycerine from the palms of your hands. Rolling meatballs and cooking them at the same time will be an amazing time saver. (My Hero Academia)

Leo 

Caring for rescue animals is a laudable pastime. We’re not sure you’ll be able to care for a rescue moose, though. Nevermind needing to take them swimming once in a while, their antlers won’t fit through a standard doorway. Unless you have a two-car garage to spare, stick to birds and squirrels. 

Virgo

You were going to plant seeds to start your garden this week - you better wait a week. Temperatures are going to be close to freezing again and we know how attached you get to those seedlings. You don’t want to lose another set like last year, do you?

Libra 

People telling you that you’re a genuine Jack-of-all-trades at your job are secretly meaning they want to put you in a box. Carry a crowbar or a claw-peen hammer for safety.   

Scorpio 

We know you love the song, “Two Hearts” by Phil Collins - but claiming it was written for the “Doctor Who Made-For-TV Movie” is just wrong. Nothing good came out of that production. They killed Sylvester McCoy’s Doctor, gave us 21st Century H.G. Wells in his place, and The Master?! His human form was out-acted by a CGI Slug! Burn your VHS copy once and for all.

Sagittarius 

Coffee is your vice; it’s legal, easily available, and doesn’t make you violent. It’s the LACK of it that makes you violent in the mornings. Remember, a late-70’s Mister Coffee is better for you than a Keurig for one important reason; You can set an alarm on it so you have a full pot ready as soon as you wake up. What better way to wake up?  

Capricorn 

Family is important and supportive for you this week. Unless your name is Fredo, you own a boat, and like to go fishing. Then family will be supportive of you for the rest of your life. Head to the horse track and put a bet on Khartoum to place.

Aquarius

You're not the only one who thinks you're inadequate. So does your cat. But cats think that of everyone, up until feeding time. 

Pisces

Get in your car, roll down the windows, blast “Fat Bottom Girls” at 11 and ride the highway for a while this weekend! You gassed up the car before prices jumped, so here’s your chance to enjoy the fruits of your mindfulness.

[masterweaverx]

Lie Ren may be an understated member of team JNPR, but he’s still a very important part of the group, providing sage advice... when he’s not, uh, you know, bottling everything up. So let’s see what prettyboy has.

For starters, Ren doesn’t wear a lot of armor but he does do a lot of ninjaing so we’ll need to factor that into this build. He’s also called Lie Zen by some parts of the fandom for his special talent. And of course there’s the little thing he does where he just, suddenly, notices stuff? That’s actually kinda nifty. 

Pulling out the point array we’re just going to start by putting 15 in Dexterity, Ren is kind of a flippy guy. Next is Wisdom and Charisma, 14 and 13; he’s quick to pick up on stuff and, yeah, I’m not just calling him prettyboy for no reason. Intelligence is next at 12, Ren has a good level of study to him, and then 10 in Strength after that because he’s not, you know, too incredible in lugging things around. That leave 8 in Constitution, and Ren is a little frail, I’ll admit that, but don’t worry he won’t be pushed down by a breeze.

Variant Humans get two ability points and I’m going to suggest evening out Dexterity and Charisma, 16 and 14. They also get a skill proficiency of their choice, I’d pick Perception because we’re not going to get it anywhere else in this build. And finally, they get a free feat, and there’s no way we’re not taking the Gourmand feat. It gives Ren +1 to his constitution, proficiency with Cook’s Utensils, the ability to check food for poison, and the ability to prepare a meal during a long rest (which helps regenerate hit dice and gives advantage on Constitution saving throws but shut up there’s food).

As for background, I’mma going to go with Hermit. Not that young Ren was a hermit in the traditional sense, but, uh, what else are you going to call the sole survivor of a village? Hermits get proficiency with Medicine, Religion, and the Herbalism Kit. They technically also get the Discovery Feature, which means that Ren should hypothetically know some deep forgotten secret about the nature of Remnant, but... the show doesn’t say he doesn’t know, it’s just not brought up if he does. Maybe the secret is Nora. I have serious theories about that girl...

Right off the bat we are nipping up twelve levels of Kensei Monk, for proficiency in Strength and Dexterity saving throws as well as all simple weapons and Shortswords. Also we get one proficiency with a set of Artisan’s Tools, and Ren’s clothes are too pretty for it to be anything BUT Weaver’s Tools, and two skill proficiencies and you just know we’re picking up Athletics and Acrobatics. The remaining eight levels are going to be college of Swords Bard yes I said Bard which gives us proficiency in Light Armor, not that we’re going to use that, as well as an instrument and a skill. Ren is lord of the dance, so the Performer skill works pretty well, and as for instrument... I honestly have no idea. Maybe a pan flute? Sounds like something young Ren would pick up.

With twelve levels of Monk Ren can really get around. Unarmored Defense gives him an AC of 10+his Dexterity mod+his Wisdom mod, Unarmored Movement not only ups his speed by twenty feet but also lets him run across water and up walls, Slow Fall lets him reduce his falling damage by 60 (what is his landing strategy?), and Evasion means that when he rolls a save to take half damage, he takes half on a failure and none on a success. He’s also got Stillness of Mind, letting him shake off an effect that’s keeping him charmed or frightened, and Purity of Body, making him immune to poison and disease. But not exhaustion, apparently. It doesn’t come up often, but it’s mildly important.

Of course the real draw of the Monk class is the Martial Arts, which means as long as Ren is either using Monk weapons or unarmed strikes, he can roll attack and damage with his Dexterity mod, use 1d8 instead of the usual die on his damage roll, and make an unarmed strike as a bonus action. He also has an Extra Attack every attack action he makes, and his Ki-Empowered Strikes mean his unarmed strikes count as magical for the purposes of overcoming resistance. And speaking of Ki, he has a total of 12 Ki points that regenerate on a rest, which he can spend to make a Flurry of Blows, engage in Patient Defense, take a Step of the Wind, dramatically Deflect Missles, or whip out a Stunning Strike.

Of course, being a Kensei monk means that Ren gets to pick two Kensei weapons--one melee and one ranged. Like, I don’t know, Scimitars and Hand Crossbows. Not only do these count as Monk Weapons for the above benefits, and as magical weapons for damage resistance, but he can use an Agile Parry to give him +2 to AC every time he makes an unarmed strike as part of an Attack action, and take a bonus action to give his ranged attack 1d4 more damage. If he spends one Ki point he can also deal an extra 1d8 points of damage with his weapon, and he can also use a bonus action to spend Ki points in order to boost his attack and damage rolls with the weapon--making it easier to hit targets and to do damage. And of course, Way of the Brush gives him proficiency with Calligraphy Supplies.

The eight levels of Bard are, admittedly, mostly for spellcasting purposes, but they do come with some perks. Ren can use Bardic Inspiration to give an ally a 1d8 they can use on any roll of theirs in the next ten minutes. He can do this a number of times equal to his Charisma Modifier per rest, and speaking of rest Song of Rest lets him and his friends regain an extra 1d6 hitpoints during a short rest. Jack of All Trades lets Ren add half his proficiency bonus to any skill check he’s not proficient in, and he also gets an Expertise; bumping up his Cook’s Utensils will make him an amazing chef. And of course there’s Countercharm, which gives everyone advantage on saving throws against being charmed or frightened.

A Bard of Swords, meanwhile, gets proficiency in Medium Armor (which we’re not going to be using) and Scimitars (which we’re already proficient in). Also, we can cast spells with them, which is going to be very important for Ren. He gets to pick a fighting style, and Two-Weapon Fighting lets him add his ability modifier to a second attack. And of course there are the Flourishes, which he can spend Bardic Inspiration on; Defensive Flourish, to up his damage and AC, Mobile Flourish, to shove his enemy around, and Slashing Flourish, letting him hit two enemies at once.

This build gives us five Ability Score Improvements to work with, but we’re going to burn one for the Tracker feat. That ups our wisdom by one, lets us cast the Hunter’s Mark spell for free once per long rest, and gives us advantage on checks to track creatures. We’ve still got eight points left to spend, though, so let’s put one in Wisdom and Constitution, evening those out to 16 and 10, two in Charisma to bring it up to 16, and four in Intelligence to also bring it up to 16. That gives us 16 in Dexterity, Wisdom, Charisma, and Intelligence, and 10 each in Strength and Constitution.

At eight levels of Bard, Ren knows eleven Bard spells up to level four, plus three cantrips, and he has 4 first level slots, 3 second level slots, 3 third level slots, and 2 fourth level slots. Most of the spells I selected are built around either noticing things or keeping people from being noticed by the Grim, but there are a couple utility spells in the list.

Cantrips

Blade Ward (Bard)

True Strike (Bard) (Concentration)

Prestidigitation (Bard)

L1 (four slots)

Detect Magic (Bard) (Concentration)

Hunter’s Mark (Tracker feat)

Longstrider (Bard)

L2 (three slots)

Calm Emotions (Bard) (Concentration)

Detect Thoughts (Bard) (Concentration)

Locate Animals or Plants (Bard)

Locate Object (Bard) (Concentration)

Thought Shield (Bard)

Silence (Bard) (Concentration)

L3 (three slots)

Nondetection (Bard)

L4 (two slots)

Freedom of Movement (Bard)

Locate Creature (Bard) (Concentration)

All in all we’ve got a build that can harass the Grimm while the heavy hitters on JNPR work on hitting heavy, then settle in for a brief rest before leading the group toward the next big problem. And hey, Ren’s very good at picking up on problems, even if he’s... not always the best at solving them.

So yeah, that’s Lie Ren.

[underdilemma]

TudeTale

I’ve had a variant of SwapTale bouncing around my head for a while, so I figure I’d finally share it. I’m calling my interpretation TudeTale, since it refers to attitudes and applies to every character. Like SwapTale, personalities are switched, but their roles and stats haven’t. I recognize that other people may have similar ideas, but this is my official and complete interpretation. I plan on writing ficlets for this - maybe a whole out story - but there are future projects of TudeTale in the works

Sans - In this AU, he wears a turtle neck, rolled up khakis, bunny slippers, a lab coat that’s seen better days, and sometimes glasses (when he needs to do extra hard thinking). He has an incredibly excitable personality. He used his passion to get multiple online degrees and is the official scientist and engineer of Snowdin. He’s a jack of all trades - he invents, he studies souls, he’s presently working on an inter-dimensional transporter, he helps his brother with his puzzles, he’s working on a hotdog recipe so he works stands throughout the underground, and he’s the official judge of the Underground. Asgore assigned this little-skeleton-that-could the role of judge because, well, he’s an excellent judge of character. He’s never actually had to judge any humans or monsters (thankfully) but he keeps himself in shape just in case. He trains with his brother and often beats him when they spar - though his endurance never seems to improve. He can summon blasters, but can’t keep them up for long. He can also teleport, but is very limited. He loves making friends and going to Grillby’s after a long day. He was very sick when he was younger due to his HP and dedicates a good portion of his research coming up with magic enhancing technology. If he ever meets a human, he’ll gladly accept their help in his studies and will only result to fighting them if they kill Papyrus. His HP is still low as he staunchly refuses to gain LV, so he is prone to illness. He takes frequent naps to keep his energy up. He has a good relationship with his brother and has Undernet chats with Explizard92. He goes by WithoutHumerus. 

Papyrus - He has two main outfits. He either wears the jeans he’s owned for fifteen years and a sweater Sans made him with sneakers, or his official royal guard uniform (spiky shoulders and all), though he rarely wears the helmet (and almost never knows where it is). He didn’t get much attention growing up because everyone was more concerned with his brother, but so was he. He went to bed worried he’d wake up next to a pile of dust. He’s still a little traumatized and doesn’t like sleeping because of that. Whenever he does sleep, it’s due to complete exhaustion. He ended up joining the royal guard so he’d have a steady source of income. It felt like the natural thing to do, but he doesn’t have much passion for it. He really does enjoy making puzzles though and he cooks for Sans everyday, hoping to give him something slightly more nutritious that his greasy comfort food. Nutrition is also why he helps Sans with his hotdog recipe - as a co-creator and focus group. He sometimes feels lonely, and is sometimes mad at his brother for their circumstances, but loves him with all his heart. That’s why he always let’s Sans win when they spar - the look of joy and exuberance is always worth it. His stats are very good and he has the ability to summon blasters, but he doesn’t like the memories they bring up. He can’t teleport, but he casually defies the laws of physics and gravity without breaking a sweat. His job requires him to capture a human if need be, but he has too big a heart to actually take them out. Thankfully his captain doesn’t really mind. He rarely goes onto the Undernet, unless he’s having a really bad night, and goes buy Skeledone420. He has a minor obsession with MTT and watches clips of it whenever he can.

Alphys - She does have a stutter, but it only comes out when she’s uncomfortable - which she rarely is. She wears goggles on her head and a singed lab coat. Her scales are often ashen with smoke or gunpowder, but she doesn’t really notice. She’s too occupied with her work as the official Royal Scientist. She ascended to the position when her superior mysteriously blew up. She swears she didn’t do it, because she totally didn’t, but few believe her. Asgore promoted her in hopes her explosions would actually kill a human. She watches Mew Mew Kissy Cutie mostly for the action scenes and, when she’s off the clock, works on making weapon replicas. She works in pyrotechnics and has traps set out throughout the underground - along with cameras to record any explosions. She knows about the True Lab and goes down there to take care of the Amalgamates, but she doesn’t know much about their creation and doesn’t see much use in them. Her username on Undernet is Explizard92 and often chats with WithoutHumerus and FishUponAStar. Late at night, when she can’t sleep, she tinkers with her explosives, she’ll sometimes chat with Skeledone420. She has no idea who he is but really wants to meet him IRL. Although, her true bae is Undyne. She loves how strong she is and how she can talk about anything, and wants to date her but doesn’t want to risk their friendship. 

Undyne - Captain of the royal guard that is rarely caught out of her armor. She wears fluffy pajamas to sleep, but since an accident when she was younger, she  wears her armor any time she’s out of the house. She wears an eye patch because she lost an eye in a sparing match where she wasn’t wearing her helmet (her mother warned her a million times). Her mom was the previous Captain and Undyne easily slipped into the decision, despite not being very assertive. She leads the guard with a quiet courage however, and is deceptively strong, although she’s a bit clumsy. She loves sparring with Papyrus and never regrets letting him into the guard despite the protests of other members. She thinks highly of him and his brother, and envies their familial relationship. She is a composer and writes pieces on the piano and takes pride in her cooking. These are the only two fields in which she wields any confidence. She wants to be liked and included, but feels isolated by her position. A primary pleasure in her life is messaging with Explizard92. They’re friends IRL and occasionally go into the dump to look for things for Alphys to blow up. She’s romantically interested in Alphys, but doesn’t see why the Royal Scientist would be interested in a “dumb soldier” like her. She doesn’t have great self-esteem and has never killed a human. She wants to thought to prove her worth as Captain.

Asgore - King of the Underground, he wears a stately uniform and cape and carries around a ceremonial trident. He guards six sealed human souls and is ultimately responsible for killing humans before they pass through the barrier. He’s never killed a human, however. One soul belongs to his late child, two were the result of the Royal Scientist’s traps (one from Alphys), and the other three were mysterious deliveries. He’s gotten many souls in the post (from who he never knows), but has only ever successfully sealed three of the souls in containment units. The other souls had perished in transport. He enjoys gardening and making tea, and playing Santa during the holidays. He loves children and loathes the aspect of his position that require him to make tough decisions. He misses his wife, but can never forgive her for what she did. He enjoys a good pun. 

Toriel - She wears the acolyte uniform of the ruins and her useless tiara. She was banished to the ruins after being blamed for the death of her children. She’s been trapped behind the door for years and blames her husband for not finding a way out of the Underground. Whenever a child falls into the ruins, she takes them home, feeds them a good meal, gives them a big hug, and then kills them, sending their soul to the King. Since she’s sent almost a dozen souls, her husband must be procrastinating - or the souls perished in the mail since all she has is cardboard boxes and no proper containment units. She doesn’t want to kill the humans, but she does it for her people even if they don’t know the role she plays. Some humans have escaped from her through the ruin door, and she considers that a failure - though, she’s not heartbroken that she doesn’t have to commit murder. Her ideal night involves practicing knock knock jokes, eating snail pie, and tuning the traps of the ruins. On the best nights, she gets to hug a human as they fall asleep and can forget what she’ll have to do to them in the morning. 

Grillby - He wears a full on suit and tie every night, thinking appearances are very important. His fire magic is incredibly hot, so he wears fire resistant gloves to keep his friends and merchandise safe. Occasionally, if he gets too emotional, the fire on his head with spout up and burn the roof of his bar. His food is popular, but incredibly expensive - he has to keep up repairs after all. Everyone has to pay, except for Sans. He’s an ill skeleton and has already spent so much money on medical expenses from his past. He’d burn in hell if he made that boy pay. Papyrus will only talk to him when he needs a light. 

Muffet - She wears her “little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet” outfit, but has a watch on every wrist. She is quiet, only ever speaking to her spider army in whispers, and is desperate to spread her treats with the Underground. Everyone is so repulsed by the concept of spiders that she can’t even give them away for free. However, she is a wonderful listener. If people weren’t so afraid of her, she’d have a hundred friends... or if her location were more ideal. Her ideal night involves taking care of her family.

Chara - They wear a two striped shirt that was passed down from Asriel. Adopted Prinxe of the Dreemur family. They are quiet, sweet, and flirt with everyone jokingly. Died when Toriel suggested they try cooking and Asriel brought them buttercups. They’re ideal night is cuddling with their family. This character is up to major interpretation as they are strongly based on the player’s perception, but they retain their ability to make friends.

Frisk - Wears overalls and a long sleeved shirt. They fell randomly after a hiking accident (their family on the surface is actively looking for them, but to no avail). Once they see the Underground, they know they want to save it. They successfully escape from Toriel in most time lines and easily skirts past the avoidant monsters of the underground (they put up a fight but never mean it). They know their death could rescue the underground, but they don’t want to die, so they spend their journey trying to think of substitutes for another human soul. They realize by the end that there is only one option, but Asgore can’t bring himself to do it. Their ideal night involves saving the world! (Either IRL or in their dreams). This character is up to major interpretation as they are strongly based on the player’s perception, but they retain their ability to think outside the box.

Asriel - Something was always wrong with the goat Prince. He never had a good sense of empathy. He’s very excitable and doesn’t always think things through, so he appears callous and often hurts those around him out of indifference. He brought Chara buttercups because he read that they would make them sick - he didn’t think they’d die or anything. He absorbed their soul to rain fire on the human world and see what would happen. He did not expect them to kill him so quickly, or that he would die in the flower field, or that he would lose his soul. His ideal night involves coming up with a prank to pull.

Flowey - Turns out losing his soul improved his sense of humanity. He experienced destruction and has a new outlook on life, one where he enjoys watching the underground as if it were a fish bowl full of pets he desperately wants to keep alive. Although he’s been around for a long time, he has not become ambivalent. He looks for different ways to improve monsters lives with each reset. He’s a sweet flower who remembers his parents and sibling fondly. If he had a second chance with a soul, he’d live life to the fullest. Right now he’s anonymous, and his only friend is Papyrus, someone who desperately needs a cheering up. His ideal night is spying on his parents or speaking with Papyrus - anything that reminds him of the life he used to have. 

Mettaton - He has an overly eccentric robot body made by Alphys that he often wears a trench coat over. She insists he occupy the “pretty” model, but he does prefer the old model. He’s pretty quiet and shy, but was encouraged by his cousin and ghost family to share his talent with the Underground. He brought his music to Alphys and she absolutely adored it - and was excited by the prospect of making an entire robotic suit. She agreed to make it free of charge so long as he’d be willing to use it in case of emergency to help the underground. He stays with her so she can keep his body in tune. Also, being a ghost in a robot body around other ghosts makes Mettaton highly uncomfortable. He mostly makes music videos and some vlog like shows, and he acts in shows written by his cousin. He prefers to play piano and sing over any other instruments - though he has branched out into electronica. He writes letters to his cousin and stays off the Undernet.

Napstablook - A ghost that always sports a top hat. He is happy and confident and loves being a showman throughout the underground. He runs a popular snail racing ring and plays MTTs music with a spin of his own remix. He encouraged his cousin to pursue his passion and proudly sits on the side lines while sending letters of support. For all of his positive energy, Mettaton convinced Alphys to make him a robot body, but he turned it down - he’s comfortable with himself just the way he is and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can suck it. He writes scripts for his cousin now and again but never visits him. He’s got too much going on in Waterfall. 

Gaster - The former royal scientist who narrowly escaped a fatal explosion (he forgot to put the tamping sand in) with a quick inter dimensional shortcut. Unfortunately, he was a smidge late and ended up scattering across space time. He now resides as a gooey black glop with a cracked skeleton face and disembodied hands in the void between realities. He’s presently trying to collect all of his scattered remains and, once he does, he’s going to return to his original dimension to reunite with his assistant and his family. In this universe, he is the skelebros father. Before his untimely death, he lived in Snowdin with his sons. He made them from human remains - as all skeleton monsters are reanimated. Sans came first and the process was highly flawed, so he came out as undercooked with low stats and chronic magic deficiencies. Gaster perfected the method with Papyrus, creating a fully realized skeleton monster. He spent the majority of the boys’ childhood working and raising money for Sans’s healthcare. He acknowledges his neglecting of Papyrus and that is one of the greatest regrets of his existence. Should he return, he would focus on amending his relationship with his youngest. He’s been called spacey and often hums and sings while he works. He tends to speak in riddles and is one of two monsters who can understand the secret skeleton language of WingDings. 

Riverperson - The guide of the river wears a hooded raincoat. They move their boat by uncertain means and aren’t much for conversation. If you can get them talking, they speak solely in the ancient skeleton language of WingDings - though rumors say they can speak in hieroglyphics. They’re never around for long and many hypothesize that he is a skeleton, but no one can see into the void of the hood. 

Gerson - This turtle has no volume control and wears a camouflage safari outfit. He yells and screams and seems to have lost his mind after the war as all he can really say is his name. In moments of lucidity, he will tell stories of his time in the war, his time as a scholar, and how he’s gained his collection of wares, but those moments are few and far between. 

Tems - Every Tem has a story. They live relatively simply and joyous lives, but they treat everything with a seriousness that rivals a veteran. Proud Parent Tem? Raising that egg is backbreaking and they have to work fifteen jobs to support it. Shop Tem? Not only is coleg incredibly expensive, but they have to walk fifty miles to and from the campus everyday in order to get their education. Hoives? Chronic and tortured life and you know nothing about their struggles. Bob? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A TEM NAMED-

Nice Cream Guy - Boy is he tired of the same gig for his entire life. It’s the only product people are interested in and he’s trapped in his vendor position. He regrets everything. 

Burgerpants - No one is happier to work at the Mettaton resort and Burgerpants. Best fifteen years of his life. 

[raisingsupergirl]

You Don't Know What You Don't Know

In today's information age, everyone's an expert. Broken dishwasher? Just YouTube it. Wondering who that actor is? IMDB it. Want a DIY chicken coop? Google it. Trying to find an unending stream of #fakenews and fear mongering? Log into Facebook. The problem is, well… we don't always know what the actual problem is. We see the symptoms. We know what we want—the end result—but we're not always sure how to get there. And a quick Google search is all we have the patience for before we jump to conclusions and then blame someone or something else for our failure. Take my recent plunge into fishkeeping, for example.

I've always been an animal lover. I think it's innate in all of us, but not everyone has the right disposition or upbringing to appreciate animal/plant husbandry. As for me, I grew up in the Missouri wilderness surrounded by ponds, cliffs, streams, fields, and forests. Sure, I spent my fair share of time on the Super Nintendo System, but being in the great outdoors was engrained in me from a young age. And more than that, I learned to appreciate the other things out there. I kept just about every animal you could imagine at one time or another (dogs, cats, birds, fish, lizards, frogs, newts, rodents of all varieties, snakes, chickens, geese, goats, a squirrel, a ferret, a raccoon, and even a short-tailed opossum, off the top of my head), and though I was pretty irresponsible with most of them (ignoring for a second that I should have just left them where I found them in nature), I loved nurturing them, and I kept most of them alive. So when my city-girl daughter said she wanted a fish for her fourth birthday, a little piece of my past reignited, and I… may have gone a little overboard.

First, my mom still had the 35-gallon aquarium she bought me for my birthday a couple of decades ago. Back then I just winged it. I didn't have Google. I didn't come from a long line of aquarists. I just filled the thing up with well water, a cheap bag of gravel, a log I found floating in my pond, and the cheapest fish I could find at my local Walmart (yes, Walmart sold fish back then). Of course the tank was full of algae and dead fish in no time, but I kept at it, and eventually I had a few fish that didn't eat each other, but ultimately it wasn't what I knew it could be, so I set the fish "free" in my pond and put a snake in the tank instead.

I used the tank again in college with similar results, only this time I had a filter, did occasional water changes, and had just a few friendly fish, so it was much more successful, though still very "low tech," as they say in the hobby. Since then, I've matured (please hold all sarcasm until the end), and I've learned the value of researching something before attempting it. The change started in physical therapy school when I spent countless hours dissecting and writing scientific papers. It was the literal worst, but it taught me so much about the world. Rather, it taught me how to learn about any particular aspect of the world. You see, in these classes, we weren't allowed to just read the abstract and regurgitate the experimenters' assumptions. We had to read every line, go back and read every line of the sources they cited, and then, once we understood every word, we could start forming our own opinions on the subject. And believe it or not, I rarely found a paper that wasn't skewed toward the writer's desired result in some small way.

So now we get to the heart of things—you don't know what you don't know until you know it. And you won't know it unless you put in the time. We're living in an age of instant gratification. Because there's so much information out there, we only have time to skim. Otherwise we wouldn't have any time to actually live. I recently ran across an inspiration quote by science fiction author Robert Heinlein's character, Lazarus Long:

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Sure. Easy for Lazarus to say. As his name suggests, he was over 200 years old and counting at the time of his above quotation (and that's to say nothing of Heinlein's, uh, colorful political and philosophical views). But even still, his words are a nice sentiment, and they resonate with our current zeitgeist. We all want to be experts at everything, but we just don't have the time to do it. So we become Jacks-of-all-trades, and masters of none. And thus, with the dehumanizing help of social media, we get into a lot of stupid fights.

But I digress. Back to my aquarium example. Giving in to my excitement and desire for my daughter to experience thy "joys" of fishkeeping, I reverted to the impulsiveness of my youth. And of the twelve fish I bought those first few months, I killed half of them. Why? Because I didn't take the time to learn about taking a new tank through the nitrogen cycle. I knew nothing of ammonium, nitrite, or nitrate. I didn't know how to promote bacterial colonies in the filter media. And when I decided to add a few live plants to the mix, I didn't know the difference between submersed and submerged, or that PetCo didn't care about selling you "aquatic" plants that would die 100% of the time if completely under water. And that's saying nothing about water pH, alkalinity, fertilizers (NPK, micronutrients, root tabs versus liquid fertilizers, etc), carbon (CO2) availability, substrate differences, etc., etc. I just thought, "these are pretty" with dozens of plants and fish from completely different, delicately balanced ecosystems around the world, and then expected them to flourish when crammed together in the petri dish that was my, er, my daughter's aquarium.

I'll be the first to say that I suck at chemistry. It was the only "C" I received in college. Too many dry facts and things I couldn't visualize. Too much like math. But over the past few months, I've forced myself to dig into the periodic table and the chemical processes of dozens of elements and compounds in order to BEGIN understanding the aquatic world. I'm still so far away from having a solid grasp on the process, but at least I now know what I don't know. And that's a start. And it's a valuable reminder of the ignorance of mankind.

As a physical therapist, it often baffles me when my highly intelligent friends and family don't understand their own bodies. These people are experts in their fields. They're fluent in areas that I'll never even begin to understand. And yet, they can't figure out the simplest causes of their own various aches and pains. And thus, they become easy prey for fad diets, snake oils, and cure-alls. In health and fitness, especially, our connected, opinion-fueled society is playing the willing victim. Like politics and philosophy, we all know there are problems, and we see "experts" offering their solutions constantly, and social media algorithms are feeding into this problem by inundating our news feeds with like-minded (no matter how wrong) individuals. We think, "Hey, everything I see reinforces my ideas, so the must be right!" But really, we're still living in the same high-walled isolation we've always lived in. We just have weapons that can shoot farther now.

So remember, if you haven't spent hundreds of hours researching and forming your opinion, you're probably not right. Maybe you have an idea. It may even be a good idea. But life is complex. It spans millennia of philosophers, scientists, and soldiers. Even if WebMD says you have terminal cancer, you should still probably see an actual MD before you throw in the towel. Because, contrary to Lazarus Long's inspiring sentiment, humanity can still find value in specialization. Life is rich and deep, so take the time to dig.

[fuck-you-i-am-spiderman]

YMH soft headcanons #3

It's been too long since I've made another post, sorry guys but in light of the cast receiving their s4 scripts I wanted to make another post, post-season 3 stylez...

Jack gives Emma foot rubs after a particularly long day, Emma is on the couch resting against Izzy (who plays with her hair) and her legs are propped against Jack's lap. Sometimes the tv will be on but most times there's just soft music playing and they all get to relax.

Izzy comes in ranting, she'll pace in the kitchen and rant whilst going to the fridge to get a beer and then she'll angrily mutter and stomp back over to the fridge and grab the kale smoothie Emma always prepares for her and bitterly drink it. Usually it's something to do with her dad or some stupid assumption people made about her. Jack and Emma find it's wise to let Izzy get it out of her system before breaching the topic.

Jack and Emma easily fit back into suburban life and doing creative activities, Izzy still doesn't feel like she fits in and often sits on the sidelines watching her honeys with a fond (and slightly jealous) expression.

Emma picks up on Izzy feeling left out and teams up with Jack to remind Izzy that they love her and that she'll be a great parent.

Jack and Emma are very protective, if anyone hits on their Izzy they will reign fire on the unfortunate soul. Nothing is scarier than a heavily pregnant woman threatening to hit you with a pool cue whilst her husband takes her coat and shouts encouraging words.

Izzy likes to announce very loudly their throuple status to annoy snooty servers or disapproving customers. Jack and Emma are a bit calmer and find interesting ways to calm Izzy down.

Emma likes to play pranks on Izzy by putting pumpkin spice candles in random rooms of the house. Jack secretly finds it hilarious.

Jack makes several quips about feeling like a pimp and the pair playfully roll their eyes.

Shopping is always an interesting activity; Emma has the list (mainly healthy food) and Jack pushes the cart. Izzy complains for the most part and distracts Emma with kisses whilst Jack slips another chocolate bar into the cart. Emma scolds them both for failure to be sneaky but she doesn't take the food out of the cart.

Jack goes for jogs in the morning, it helps him cool down and process his thoughts better. Emma does yoga, simpler poses when she's further along. Izzy hasn't really found something that works for her but she tries for her honeys.

Despite her hate for suburban life and pumpkin spice candles Izzy loves Halloween. She'll decorate the house and find cheap but amazing costumes. Her choices make Emma and Jack both scared and horny.

Emma can't knit, she tries to but her attempts always come out wonky and with giant holes in. Jack can knit and spends time correcting Emma's mishaps to make cute baby hats and a scarf. They both insist Izzy wears it despite her protests that she's "naturally cold blooded" and "doesn't need one."

Izzy tries to leave the house without a jacket but Emma always stands by the door until she relents.

Jack starts dance parties and dances around the kitchen with Emma whilst Izzy cooks. The neighbours don't bother asking what the loud noises are, unsure whether it's Jack screeching to songs they've never heard of, or some kinky shenanigans.

Jack is a dog person, he stops to pet all of the dogs and often has to be pulled away from them.

They trade places when they sleep, usually it's Izzy in the middle bur Izzy and Jack decided to snuggle with their wife and it brings them a lot closer when Emma sleeps in the middle.

They still compete over the stupidest things but it's all in jest and they spend a good amount of time reassuring their lovers afterwards.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part I

I’ll associate my moviegoing this year with two things: subscription models and superhero films. Realizing that I was the target audience, I signed up for Moviepass in March, then canceled just before they started extorting people in July. (I’ll remember you all semi-fondly, conniving alarmists in the Moviepass Reddit thread.) Thanks to Moviepass, I took full advantage of my free time over the summer, and I found some nice surprises that I wouldn’t have checked out otherwise. From there I joined AMC A-List, which is the rare corporate service that I cannot complain about in any way. Moviepass always felt like some kind of drug deal, whereas A-List is as easy and inviting an experience as possible. I get to seek out Dolby, IMAX, or 3-D showings instead of getting locked out of them, and the electronic ticketing helps with my last-minute availability. (I’ve mastered the art of lovingly putting my daughter to bed, only to desert her and my wife five minutes later. “You know, there’s an 8:10 showing of The Predator, which means 8:30 after previews...”) My overall viewing was up 11% this year, which I have to attribute to these subscriptions. Perhaps I saw too much though. After a self-righteous five-year ban on superhero movies, I caught up in 2019 like the madman completist that I am. On the plus side, I enjoyed Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy, and I vaguely feel more connected with the culture-at-large. But I could have been more selective. The diligence required to watch X-Men: Apocalypse late on a Thursday night took away from, say, my Orson Welles project or...reading books. To get some of the business out of the way, I haven’t seen Burning, Shoplifters, Destroyer, Cold War, The Sisters Brothers, Tomb Raider, The Wife, or The House That Jack Built. Not all of us get screeners or care about seeing The Wife.  Mostly for argument purposes, I list everything I saw and divide the movies into the categories of Garbage, Admirable Failures, Endearing Curiosities with Big Flaws, Pretty Good Movies, Good Movies, Great Movies, and Instant Classics. Hey, speaking of superheroes:  GARBAGE

123. Venom (Ruben Fleischer)- Venom was first announced as an R-rated film until it was neutered into PG-13 at some point in the development road. That was the right choice because this is a movie, in all of its broad, careless storytelling, for children. "So he's going to get married to her but then he looks at her email and then he interviews the guy and he gets fired so then she leaves him and he drinks now?" This is a dummy's version of what a journalist is or what a scientist is, and it never shades into more subtlety than exactly what is on the expected surface. I guess that Tom Hardy gets to jump into a lobster tank if that floats your boat, but the story is stuck on fast-forward for the whole movie, never relenting to develop character or do anything other than communicate information that we don't really need.

Venom is almost--almost--interesting as a new branch in the superhero economy. Why shouldn't Tom Hardy and National Treasure Michelle Williams trade the equity they've built for caring about their work into this trash? I don't begrudge them that for a second. I hope they make more money for the sloppy sequels. 122. The Equalizer 2 (Antoine Fuqua)- The first Equalizer was flat and pointlessly long with pedantic dialogue too, but at least it had the Home Depot sequence. This one makes very basic stuff incoherent and dawdles all the way to the end. Your boy is now an expert hacker too? I guess it's too late for Fuqua to start caring about scripts.

121. Mandy (Panos Cosmatos)- I need somebody to explain to me why, dramatically, this is good without something like, "It's so metal! What a midnight movie! Chainsaw fight lol!" If you want to talk about the visuals that are stylized within an inch of reality, then I'll listen. But there's nothing to hold onto dramatically. I think I've developed an overall irritation with revenge films, but this filthy dirge of a movie felt empty and endless by any standard. 120. Fifty Shades Freed (James Foley)- Its intentions are too guileless to upset me, but Fifty Shades Freed uses up the goodwill I sort of had for the first two by tugging the viewer relentlessly through conflict that always seems temporary. Part of the fun has always been how bizarre basic human interactions seem in this universe. (Has anyone ever returned from a vacation to be surprise-promoted?) But this entry expects way too much from its viewer's loyalty. 119. On Chesil Beach (Dominic Cooke)- There's supposed to be a disconnect to the behavior of the couple in On Chesil Beach, a movie that asks us to harken back to a time when newlyweds were so sexually innocent that they had trouble figuring out how to consummate a marriage. Their fumbling seems foreign to us, which is the point. But what's the excuse for none of the behavior in the movie ringing true to any human experience?

I'm talking about Florence refusing to tell her string quartet that she's engaged because she thinks they'll assume that her marriage will break up the group even though she's sure that it won't. I'm talking about her father, who feels the need to humiliate his son-in-law in tennis because that would prove that he's dominant over the boy in some way that being his employer does not already prove. I'm talking about a plot that literally would not exist if the characters had just engaged in one conversation that it seems like they would have had in the flashbacks, which frame them as a kind of open, reasonably affectionate, easy-going couple. But by all means, McEwan, change that whenever it suits you. 118. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (J.A. Bayona)- I reject the whole premise of this deliberate lowering of stakes that never rises above obligation. To paraphrase a Griffin Newman joke, it makes Jurassic Park 4 look like Jurassic Park 1.

While we're here though: Can I have a movie about the guy who compiled the guest list for the dino auction? I want to see a guy looking at a spreadsheet--or is it an Access file?--and getting to, like, Mark Cuban and weighing the options: "He probably has the $27 million to spare on weaponized recombinant DNA. He would definitely appreciate the wow factor of having his own Indoraptor. But is he more of a neutral evil or a chaotic evil? I guess I'll reserve a seat for him and send the invitation. If he says no, then he says no. Okay, we're still in the C's..."

117. Tag (Jeff Tomsic)- Tag is going to show up on a lot of "worst movies to ever win an Oscar" lists when Jeremy Renner wins an Oscar for it. 116. A-X-L (Oliver Daly)- This is a melodramatic movie about a weaponized robotic dog and the dirtbike kid who befriends it. Nothing wrong with that; a ten-year-old boy might like it, and there aren't enough movies specifically for that audience. But what's weird is how nonchalant the main character is about the whole thing. He immediately starts training this one-of-a-kind "war dog" android and imprints it with his DNA like this is a regular Tuesday. It's one of many things that is just kind of off in this picture.

This being a cheap genre film, you do get treated to those L.A. locations that have been around the block. I think the nondescript complex that houses Craine Industries is also the one from Sneakers and The Lawnmower Man. You know, Craine Industries, the company that is working on a $70 million prototype for the military but, because this is a cheap genre film, seems to have two employees.

I do think there's an interesting movie to be made about motocross. The movie kind of works when it's just about an underdog father and son fixing bikes, before it gets into all of the robot stuff. ADMIRABLE FAILURES

115. The Little Stranger (Lenny Abrahamson)- Dr. Faraday: "Wanna marry me?" Caroline: "Maybe. Do you actually love me?" Dr. Faraday: "Probably not." Caroline: "Hmm, I think I would marry you only as an excuse to go to London to get away from my dying mother and this crumbling house that probably has a ghost." Dr. Faraday: "Oh. Well, glad we're discussing it now because I want to marry you specifically to give me a reason to stay in this crumbling house that probably has a ghost. I'm drawn to it for some reason." Caroline: "Is it because you grew up poor?" Dr. Faraday: "Yes. All dry, cold British stuff ultimately comes down to that.

114. Damsel (David Zellner and Nathan Zellner)- Had I done my research, I wouldn't have watched this Zellner Brothers follow-up to Kumiko the Treasure Hunter, one of my least favorite films of that year. Like that movie, Damsel is a story of two halves, punctuated by a shocking moment that happens halfway through. Unfortunately nothing interesting happens before, and nothing interesting happens after. 113. Suspiria (Luca Guadignino)- This is a movie about duality that gets extended. English, German, and just a sprinkle of French. Six parts and an epilogue. A dual role (and a bit part). Personalities that clash until one pulls ahead. There are ideas here. But, especially considering I don't like the original Suspiria, I didn't find much to hold onto as a visceral experience. It's a long, foreboding sit. Guadagnino knows how to end his movies, but he still doesn't have much to say for the long middle parts. Shout-out to Amazon; I hope that, in some circuitous way, betting on maximalist Italians helps them to sell paper towels or whatever.

112. Early Man (Nick Park)- I still love the Aardman aesthetic, but this material was thin. It's too juvenile for adults and too adult for juveniles. 111. Beirut (Brad Anderson)- The screenplay takes an hour to set up what should have taken twenty minutes. Some of that time is dedicated to developing Hamm's burnt-out alcoholic wheeler-dealer, but he's a character we've seen a hundred times before anyway. Some shorthand would have done some good. Once the plot gets going, it's serviceable, but I was bored by that point. Pike and Hamm need to fire their managers. 110. Upgrade (Leigh Whannell)- I'll admit that I owed the film more attention than I gave it since I was nodding off the whole time, but nothing in the gloomy programmer interested me enough to want to go back.

109. Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence)- Good as a steamy blank check provocation from the director and star--not much else. I'm sure people will take down the easy target of Jen Larry's Russian accent, but they're ignoring just how much she tries in something like this. She is a gargantuan Movie Star who commands the screen, and a lot of that presence comes from the commitment of, say, learning how to ballet dance for what must have been months. She hasn't slept through a performance yet.

I didn't think this endless movie made much sense, especially near its conclusion. Perhaps it's my personal distaste for the way that spy movies introduce major plot points without so much as a music sting to guide you. As soon as anyone says the term "double agent," my brain turns off.

108. Hot Summer Nights (Elijah Bynum)- If you want to direct a music video, just direct a music video. I like all of the actors in this, but the filmmaker has nothing to say. 107. The First Purge (Gerard McMurray)- Even James DeMonaco seems to be admitting that the bloom is off the rose a bit, since he only wrote this entry in the franchise--and his direction is missed in the action scenes. Just enough of the political subtext remains, (The New Founding Fathers get funding from the NRA, and a character uses "pussy-grabbing" as an insult. Thankfully, a Black church getting shot up by men with Iron Cross flags happens off-screen.)

But there are more characters I didn't care about than characters I did care about. Since its prequel setting doesn't reveal much about the world that we didn't already know, the film needed to do a bit more with the survive-the-night scenario that we already saw in the second film.

106. Vox Lux (Brady Corbet)- A movie that, up to and including the last minute, keeps promising something better than it actually is. Everyone here is making...choices… 105. Madeline’s Madeline (Josephine Decker)- I'm glad David Ehrlich liked this as much as he did. There are some intriguing ideas, most notably the suggestion that a mentally unstable person would be better suited for acting than a healthy person. What a debut for Helena Howard as well. But for it to add up to something by the end, I think I needed it to have more dramatic structure--the sort of fall of the Molly Parker character feels invented and insincere--or go all the way into experiment. 104. Shirkers (Sandi Tan)- One of those "you won't believe what happens next" documentaries that positions itself as an example of truth being stranger than fiction. But removed from a festival context, does it ever rise above its logline? Is it really even that odd?

[somniumuse]

Arturo L. Task 001 / Character Development

    Are you a bad person?

                                          Depends on who you ask...

THE BASICS

Full Name: Arturo Augustus Gaspar Luna

Nicknames: Art, Artie, Fairwinds Cow

Face Claim: Diego Boneta

Age: 30

Birthday: November 11

Gender: Cismale

Pronouns: He/him/dumbass

Romantic Orientation: Heteroromantic 

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

PHYSICALITY

Details About Appearance That Differ From FC: n/a

Perfect Vision or Glasses?: Needs glasses sometimes for reading when pollen is bad or exhausted

Scars/Birthmarks?: Sofa scars on his hands and knuckles for farming and boxing; three inch long scar along his left side of his face from when his father beat him when he was a child.

Tattoos?: A crescent moon on the upper left bicep, 

Piercings?: Right earlobe, he never puts on in unless he’s feeling sassy

Posture: Relaxed

Dominant Hand?: Right

Activity Level?: High

Physical Strength: Average

Speed: Average

Agility: Above average

Accuracy: High

Stamina: Average

Can They Swim?: Yes

Clothing Style: Linen and wool; dark academic; natural colors with greens, blues, and browns.

Accessories: Wool suit coats

Any Allergies?: Pollen and Lemongrass

How Well Do They Sleep?: Heavy

Any Additional Details?:

MANNERISMS

Accent?: Latin/Spanish

Languages: Spanish, English, Mandarin/Cantonese, Italian, and Latin

Do They Curse?: Yes, like a sailor

Favorite Word?: Moot or Fuck

Least Favorite Word?: No

Good Habits: Determined worker

Bad Habits: Flirting

Any Specific Ticks?: Is really good at betting card games

FAMILY & UPBRINGING

Which Dukedom Do They Reside In?: Fairwinds

Birthplace?: Mareas Vivas Casona (Spring Tides Manor), Fairwinds Seaside

Social Class: Upper Gentry

Biological Parents/Parental Figures: Gaspar and Elizabeth (both deceased)

Additional Family Members: Three sisters, one deceased brother

Pets?: Faustina, long hair black tabby

CONNECTIONS

Notable Past Relationships?: TBA

Person You Can’t Seem To Forget?: TBA

Person You Can’t Seem To Forgive?: TBA

Ideal Partner?: Beautiful ladies that think he’s funny

Any Additional Connections Your Character May Be Looking For?: TBA

STATUS & OCCUPATION

Current Occupation: Jack of All Trades, Guild master/Councilor

Dream Position: He has his dream job

Past Jobs?: Student, apprentice

Spending Habits: Lavish but cautious

In Debt?: Some lingering debts to a pirate or two...

PSYCHOLOGY

Intellect: Average

MBTI Type: ENTP-T

Enneagram type: Type Three, the Achiever

Moral Alignment: Netural Evil

Temperament: Sanguine-Melancholy

Element: Water

Introvert or Extrovert?: Extrovert

Emotional Stability?: Getting better, virtually stable

ASTROLOGY

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio and Taurus

Birth Stone: Topaz

Sun Sign: Scorpio

Ascendant: Taurus

Moon: Capricorn

Any additional signs, elements or houses worth noting?: Scorpio Mercury; Libra Venus; Libra Mars

TRAITS & PERSPECTIVES

Drives/Motivations: Failure, destitution,

Hopes: To help Fariwinds achieve greatness no matter the cost for the Queendom

Fears: Bankruptcy

Dreams: Retiring at his seaside state surrounded by his large and loving family

Sense of Humor?: Low brow

Biggest Achievement: Turning the guild back around after his father’s misleading

Biggest Regret: Not standing up wit his father sooner

Most At Ease When?: He’s surrounded by his family and friends

Least At Ease When?: He’s losing investments

Talents: Slight of hand

Shortcomings: Becomes withdrawn when he gets stressed

Have They Ever Committed A Crime?: Yes, and is probably committing one as I type this

Are They A Team Player?: Yes

Can They Play a Instrument?: Yes, the guitar

Braid Hair?: Yes, but badly

Tie a Tie?: Yes

Pick a Lock?: ...yes

Cook?: Just some basics

Drink?: Yes

Use Drugs?: Yes

Are They Prone to Violence?: Yes

Prone to Crying?: Yes

Believe in Love at First Sight?: Yes

FAVORITE/LEAST FAVORITE

Color: All shades of greens and blue

Animal/Mythical Beast: Kelpie

Food: Pumpkin pastries

Beverage: Red wine

Flower: Pansy

Scent: Sea brine, sun bleached wood,

Mode of Transportation: Brigantine ship

Season: Autumn

[simul16]

The Fragile Strength of the Holy Trinity

You may not have heard about the Holy Trinity before, but you've definitely seen it in action. The classic RPG party lineup of a thief damage-dealer, a warrior-tank, and a supporting cleric has been around in RPGs since the first edition of Dungeons and Dragons, but the trinity goes back even further than that: in football, or my preferred alternative -- Rocket League -- the striker is a damage-dealer and scores the goals needed to win, the mid-field supports their allies by setting up plays, and the keeper acts like a tank, preventing the enemy from winning. By letting people specialize into these three distinct roles, each of which work together, not only can teams or groups act much more effectively than a disorganized bunch of jacks-of-all-trades, but newer players can ease themselves into a game by only having to focus on particular elements....So how is it that this obviously useful trick for designing group-centric games is despised by so many people? - Adam Millard (The Architect of Games), "Why Do So Many Games Have Tanks, Healers, and DPS?"

Adam Millard's Architect of Games YouTube channel is a great resource for learning and thinking about games, gameplay, and game design. Though Millard focuses mainly on video games, much of what he discusses is applicable to other types of games as well, and as noted above, the Holy Trinity definitely developed out of old-school D&D (though I'd argue that it was the magic-user, not the thief, that comprised the classic damage-dealer role in classic D&D).

But as Millard notes, the concepts behind the Holy Trinity arguably pre-date even D&D and can be found in games and sports dating back even further -- his soccer example being only a bit stretched. In fact, though some people these days are looking for ways to 'spice up' classic sports to update them for a newer fanbase (I'm looking at you, baseball), the simplest answer might be that older sports with a turn-based approach to play (one team has the ball and can score, then the other team gets the ball and can score) don't lend themselves to a Holy Trinity style design. (Though an argument can be made that Three True Outcomes Theory in baseball is basically relegating everyone on defense who isn't the pitcher to the role of support, with the pitcher being the tank, though this isn't necessarily helping make baseball more entertaining, just more predictable.)

But, as Millard also notes, just as the Holy Trinity is ubiquitous in cooperative game design, complaints revolving around the Holy Trinity are also ubiquitous. In some cases, these complaints are unjustified; the whinings of players who don't like having to rely on other players to accomplish a team goal. In other cases, the complaints are justified, typically in the context of games that push one part of the Trinity -- often the damage-dealer -- to such prominence that other roles and even non-optimal strategies become pointless. Once could even call this the 'Mel the cook on 'Alice' principle' -- the best defense is a good offense (advance to 2:00 and watch until 2:22 to see the key insight).

Millard points out that games can try to 'break out' of the Holy Trinity model by adding additional axes of interaction, but his examples seem to point out that the Holy Trinity as a design principle is as fragile as it is powerful: it's just as possible to 'break' the model rather than 'break out' of the model, and if your additional axis isn't powerful enough to break the game, then all you've generally done is add another method of interacting via the standard Holy Trinity. For example, Millard points out that in a RTS such as Starcraft, there's an economic element to the game revolving around gaining access to and controlling resources which are then used to develop the units that fall into the Holy Trinity when they meet in battle. In most RTSes, though, the economic element isn't merely an alternative method of strategy that can be pursued alongside the traditional Holy Trinity of building tank, DPS, and support units; if you're not good at the economic part of Starcraft, about how best to exploit resources and capture new resources, then you're really not good at Starcraft, save for a few explicit scenarios where you start with all the resources you're ever going to get and the challenge comes from using the Holy Trinity optimally to succeed with the resources you have.

A better idea seems to show up when Millard breaks down the Holy Trinity into 'modes of interaction' as a means of trying to develop games that aren't so reliant on Holy Trinity-style design. In Millard's analysis, the DPS characters specialize in 'ally-to-enemy' interaction (i.e.: allies defeating enemies directly, advancing the players toward their win condition), tanks deal with enemy-to-ally interaction (i.e.: controlling how the enemy deals its damage among the party, preferably with optimal inefficiency, often via taunts to provoke enemies into attacking the tank rather than other allies), and supports deal with ally-to-ally interaction (i.e.: providing buffs and healing for allies to both make them more effective in the fight as well as to keep them active in the fight). Millard points out that it's possible to develop a different axis of interaction -- for instance, ally-to-environment. Millard suggests that this axis is wholly independent of the Holy Trinity axes, but I don't think he put quite enough consideration into his argument here. While it is true that games like Divinity: Original Sin have classes that interact with the environment by either changing it to avoid harmful interactions or changing it to create positive interactions, interacting with the environment doesn't actually advance the player's goals directly in the same way that defeating enemies advances their goals. The ways in which environmental changes affect the actual goals of the players in the game still fall into the three core interactions of the Holy Trinity: pools of oil that can be set on fire are ally-to-enemy interaction that increases damage to enemies leading to their defeat, walls that prevent enemy movement or restrict them to certain paths are enemy-to-ally interaction controlling how enemies can deal damage to allies and creates inefficiencies in how enemies deal their damage to allies, and holy water that heals or buffs allies is an ally-to-ally interaction that improves allies effectiveness in defeating enemies without directly defeating the enemies themselves. Each of these abilities could be taken from an 'environment' class and given to a class that falls more directly into the Holy Trinity without breaking the design at all.

In effect, what Millard is suggesting is effectively breaking tanks into two different types of tank -- one that affects enemy-to-ally interactions by directly affecting enemies, and another that does the same task though manipulating the environment. The problem with this approach is already mentioned in the video itself when Millard discusses how Blizzard, in designing Overwatch, split the DPS class into 'offensive damage dealers' and 'defensive damage dealers', with the idea that offensive DPS would be better suited to combining with tanks and supports to capture contested objectives, while the defensive DPS would be better suited to holding the objective once it had been captured. Unfortunately, players simply played both roles as offensive DPS to the point where, in order to keep the game appealing to players, Blizzard collapsed the role into a more generic DPS type role, which effectively obsoleted numerous characters who had been designed for a more defensive damage-dealing role but whose design wasn't amenable toward making them more offensively-minded. Millard points out that this makes the game less interesting, and I agree, but I think Millard's suggestion for splitting tanks and supports into 'anti-unit' versus 'environmental' tanks and supports would repeat the same problem that Blizzard failed to correct with its split-DPS design. While I won't call it a mistake, since it wasn't really a design failure but a failure of players to engage with the design on its own terms that led to the ultimate problem, I won't argue with you if you want to call it a mistake based on the idea that the designers didn't make the difference between offensive and defensive DPS compelling enough within the context of their game to get players to stop thinking in terms of 'I'm DPS, so I go out and kill things to win'.

All if this is to point out that there isn't a simple, easy answer to the question of 'how do we move beyond the Holy Trinity'. If, as Millard suggests, the Holy Trinity has been a part of cooperative game design long before the advent of hero shooters or even tabletop RPGs, then perhaps the better solution is to design cooperative games where achieving the goal -- winning the game -- relies on different actions within the game than 'defeat enemies', as seen in games like 'One Night: Ultimate Werewolf' and 'Among Us'. 'Among Us' may not be a more commercially successful game than 'World of Warcraft', but that doesn't mean 'Among Us' might not be a better game for the particular group of players you want to play a game with.

Or baseball. Baseball is still a game, after all.

[pellucidthings]

Doctor Blake Fic: Let These Words Answer

Hello, shiny new fandom! I wasn’t sure I’d have time to write here just now, but then I had a LOT of Jean feelings after 5.05 (didn’t we all…), so here we go! Rated T, 1900 words, canon compliant. Beta thanks to @gabolange, who never fails to make me a better writer. Remaining mistakes, superfluous commas, and stubbornly-held errant sentence constructions are all my own.

Summary: She lets everything else drop away, and it’s only the two of them, alone in this quiet room, with their physical wounds that will heal. She holds his hand, the two of them together, scarred and healing.

On AO3 and beneath the cut.

**

The room is quiet. She watches Lucien’s chest rise and fall steadily, and she feels his pulse thrum under the warm skin of his wrist. She lets herself breathe again, matching her breath to his, lets her own heart start beating once more. Her mind is processing only single words. Alive. Here. Mine.

She always half expected this, deep in her subconscious. As long as she’s know him he has barreled around heedlessly, and she has worried and told herself not to, and tried not to remember what it feels like to be left behind. She feared the worst from the moment Charlie came in the door tonight, his face ashen. He called her Jean and took her arm like he thought she might stumble, then gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white, as he drove too fast to the hospital.

No one questions her presence there. The trauma doctor reported to her immediately, and the ward sister waived aside the rules about visiting hours. If all the gossip made them know she belongs here, she will manage to be grateful for it.

Lucien wakes, jokes about his injury, sleeps, wakes again. Their friends hover, though by now it is deep into the night. Charlie and Matthew try to take her home again, but they don’t actually expect her to come.

She watches him sleep. Her burned wrist is throbbing, and she holds onto that pain. It is simple, contained. She lets everything else drop away, and it’s only the two of them, alone in this quiet room, with their physical wounds that will heal. She holds his hand, the two of them together, scarred and healing.

**

On the third day they let her bring him home. They were both getting restless in the hospital, and though she’s been grateful for the nursing staff’s help in keeping him contained, she’s also weary of the accompanying furtive glances and whispers. Charlie, Rose, Matthew, and Alice have loitered each day in the hospital corridor. Other friends—Bill and Ned, Cec, even Patrick Tyneman—have visited. Surely most of Ballarat knows by now that Lucien was attacked. No one from the church has come at all.

Charlie, Matthew, and Rose have been cooking, she discovers. Not just for themselves but to stock the freezer, to save her having to do it for a few days. She tries to be grateful, but for the most part it just reminds her who isn’t checking in or bringing food.

The church has always been the backdrop to her life. Not always a comfort but certainly always a force of stable continuity. The ritual of the liturgy, the smell of incense and bread, the familiar creak and thump of the kneelers, the low din of restless children whispering over the mass. And ever-present, the community: visiting, baking, gossiping, helping. She knows, of course, that people she has known all her life are now uncomfortable around her. She has seen the looks during mass, has heard the conversations that go silent as she approaches, has understood the meaning behind even her closest friends’ excuses to avoid her. But she never quite expected this palpable, sudden absence.

Sometimes you bend to the church, and sometimes you want it to bend to you, she said the other day. You want it to bend, but it doesn’t.

She moves into Lucien’s room after they come home from the hospital. It isn’t entirely deliberate. The first evening she sits with him, and when she starts nodding off in her chair he shifts in the bed, raising the covers on his uninjured side. She toes off her shoes and climbs in with her clothes on, burrowing into his warmth, careful to avoid his bandages.

“Stay,” he whispers into her hair as he wraps her hand in his and holds it over his heart.

“All right,” she whispers back.

The next evening she dresses for bed and goes to his room instead of her own. The day after, her dressing gown and slippers find a new home in his closet. They’re not exactly advertising this to Charlie and Matthew, but neither does she feel like she wants to hide it.

Lucien has been pushing his limits all day, before turning petulant in his exhaustion. He has made a mess in the kitchen, nearly pulled his stitches out, and twice she had to pour out the whiskey he knows he shouldn’t drink. She’s exhausted, annoyed with him, and so very tired of holding everything together behind the bravest face she can muster.

The events of the past week play back in her head. The untenable options for the divorce. Rose’s pregnancy fears and then palpable relief. Lucien in the hospital bed. Father Emery telling her to make a choice. Every time she thinks she is approaching her breaking point, she finds a new reserve to take on the next challenge, but it can’t last much longer. 

When Lucien starts banging on the piano while Matthew is trying to watch the television, she puts him to bed. It’s early yet, but she convinces him with the promise of joining him. He settles to his book, and she curls into his side, pretending to read her own. All of the frustrated energy that has been coming off him all day is gone; instead, she is the restless one. Lucien can tell how bothered she is, she realizes, now that they’re here together, quiet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, finally. He is still, waiting for her.

She does and she doesn’t want to talk about it. They’ve promised each other honesty, and he deserves hers. She also has no idea how to explain what she is feeling, the layers and the contradictions. She closes her book and his, takes his hand and traces the veins. His other arm holds her close, and she thinks about how long and how much she has wanted him.

“I was pregnant when I got married,” she says, not entirely sure why this, of all the things weighing on her, is what comes out first. She feels his slow intake of breath, imagines him thinking, calculating dates between her marriage and young Christopher’s birth. “We lost the baby,” she explains before he can ask. “We were nineteen, pushed into the whole thing before we were ready, and then there wasn’t even a baby after all.”

She imagines what he might say if he were a different man. Why did you never tell me? Why did you sleep with Christopher before you married him but you won’t sleep with me? How can I fix this?

“Jean,” he says. Just her name. No questions and no pity, and she loves him for it.

“I’ve been thinking about all of that lately.” She won’t betray Rose’s secret to explain why, but she suspects this all would have come back to the surface regardless. “We moved on from it, of course. The boys came along quickly, and we grew into the promises we’d made to each other. The happy times mostly outweighed the unhappy ones, especially in those years before the war. But sometimes I still felt so guilty.”

When she was still a girl, God took her daughter from her. Of course, she didn’t really believe it was a punishment, not in the sober light of day. Her God is loving, not vindictive. Yet the guilt weighed upon her, and the years added more. Christopher’s death. Her failures with Jack. Her different failures with Christopher, Jr. For a long time, she spent her sleepless nights fearing that she would have been a better wife and a better mother if only she had started out with more care. When she was still a girl, she was reckless, and in various ways they all suffered for it.

Lucien kisses her hairline and pulls her tighter to him. This time, she thinks, she is not being reckless. She’s walking straight into this sin, knowing and committed. She brings his hand to her lips, kisses his fingers. The fear has been there for days, a bitter taste at the back of her mouth that she keeps trying to push back. She almost lost him, and that, too, could be a punishment.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, Jean,” he says.

“Mmm,” she responds, searching for the words. “Of course it wasn’t my fault. My baby girl. Christopher’s death. Even this.” She gestures with their joined hands to his injury. “But we still look for meaning when things happen. And the church is very good at cause and effect. ‘The wages of sin is death’ and all that.”

“But surely it isn’t the only option for understanding the world?” he suggests. His lips against her temple quirk into a smile. “Cause: you are brilliant and beautiful and the most extraordinary woman in the world. Effect: I am therefore madly in love with you and awestruck every day that this is real.”

She laughs then, a little, and cranes her neck around to kiss his jaw, then his mouth. “It is real,” she marvels.

Cause: she will marry Lucien Blake, and she also can’t see her resolve not to sleep with him until they are married outlasting this endless purgatory of an engagement. Effect: she will be—she is—happier than she has been for so many, many years. Also effect: she will live for the rest of her life, unrepentant, in a state of sin. Both prospects make her feel what she can scarcely put into words. It is breathtaking, agonizing, freeing, glorious, terrifying.

Lucien walked away from the church when he was a boy; of all the things that haunt him, this, at least, does not. She thinks of Eve Neville, defiant even in the face of death. Of Audrey Young, trading a church that no longer suited her for another that did, as though God changes with the season, like a dress or a hat. She doesn’t know if they’re brave or foolhardy. Did their decisions also feel like this?

Real: the warmth of this man by her side, the beat of his heart, the taste of his lips. Also real: the body of Christ dissolving on her tongue, the echo of her prayers, the comfort of the sacraments.

“’Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh,’” she quotes, mostly to herself.

“Hmm?” Lucien asks. His voice is drowsy.

“Cleave,” she repeats. “To cling together, but also to break apart. I always thought it was such an odd word.”

“I love you,” he says, as though it’s an answer to some question she doesn’t know how to ask. Maybe it is.

She has made her choice; she knows that. He holds her, and she is split apart and made whole.

[ncurfman]

DJ: #47 Forty Year Old Wisdom

If you ever wonder, does life get better as you age? My answer is yes. If you chase after it. Even with some recent disappointments, I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone else. I’m grateful for the life I’ve lived, as I’ve lived it. The desire to “go back and fix” our past is useless. All we can do is embrace the movement forward. Willingly or unwillingly, life will move on.

For my small band of readers, I want to offer the little wisdom I have. And because wisdom is eternal, none of it is new or original. Still, what I have I give to you.

Jesus is real. The actual God of the Universe and beyond walked this earth, breathed our air, and burned under the same sun we do. He is our Light and our Exemplar, His love genuine and everlasting. And He is always available, ready to connect with us. 

Let your meat rest after you cook it. Can’t stress this enough. Regardless of animal or cut, let your meat rest for a minimum of five minutes, ideally ten, before you cut into it. For big roasts and whole chickens, more like fifteen to twenty minutes. 

Self-pity is not a virtue. With a truck-ton of experience to back me up on this, “feeling sorry for yourself” will accomplish zero in your life. I do not lack empathy for anyone, especially when life stacks up losses. The people I admire are the people who fight on and can laugh in the face of life’s bullshit. 

Similar to the last: Being a victim is not a choice, staying a victim is. Rain is going to fall on you. Relationships will collapse, hopes will burn to ruin, and shame will come calling. So what? You are not your failures. Do not allow your pain to define you or drag you into shame. 

Don’t let perfect defeat good. Perfect doesn’t exist. Don’t idealize jobs, institutions, leaders, people, or places. Once your stare hard enough you’ll see the cracks, and you’ll only have yourself to blame for having put the pedestal in place. 

You are not alone. Depression and anxiety whisper “you’re stuck and alone.” That’s bullshit. You are a human. And whatever problems you face, others have faced. They were not special. You are not the exception. You can defeat the dragon. 

Fight the dragon before it eats you. If you know you’re holding onto fear, or anger, or whatever, GO AFTER THAT SONOFABITCH! Don’t wait for your worries to run your life, because they will. 

If you don’t like you, no amount of love will be enough. My search for self-affection took a long time. I set the final pieces in place this year, and it’s fantastic. Compliments mean far less than they ever did. So wild how that works. 

Exercise. Everyday. A walk in nature is best. Not joking. Read this study, and this study, and this study. 

Chill out. You’re gonna be ok. Start by telling yourself, “I’m gonna be ok” over and over.

The Christian walk is about way more than avoiding sin and constant self improvement. Walking with Jesus is an honor of joy. Creating room for Jesus to be Jesus ultimately leads to everything good and satisfying in life. Cut yourself some slack, and breath when the weight feels heavy.

Pray. All the time. About Everything. Yes. Jesus is one-hundred percent interested in every detail of your life- your gassy lunch, that dude at work, politics, everything. Which leads to...

Be honest in prayer. If you’re feeling disconnected, pissed-off, happy, horny, sad, tired, sleepy, jacked, overwhelmed, busy, lazy, unappreciated, overstimulated, unworthy, peaceful, thankful...etc, start there. I can’t stress enough how much the Lord needs us to be honest when we pray, mostly for us. The Father does not want to hear what we think we should say. Talk about what’s real in your life. Once or twice a week I start with, “Lord, I’m feeling sorry for myself.” Within a few minutes I am no longer mired in self-pity.

Show up everyday to something buried in your heart to do. Your heart, my heart, and your mom’s heart have something in them we want to do. A longing. We ache and sour when that thing is ignored and belittled. Let your heart breath and grow.

Drink more water.

Eat more veggies. As American’s, we don’t do veggies really well. Also, we think corn is vegetable. It is not. If you need help, look to Asia or Europe for ideas. YouTube is a great resource to learn how to cook greens or eggplant or cauliflower.

Stop watching bullshit. Stop listening to bullshit. Stop reading bullshit. Whatever we put into our soul influences how we see the world and interpret life. I love Elliott Smith’s music, but it’s depressing AF. Dude had a rough life, so I can’t listen to it. 

You will always find a reason to do something...or not do that thing. This is from my dad, but it’s true. We humans will are quite amazing at finding ways to motivate or defeat ourselves. 

You will always encounter resistance when it comes to anything worth doing. Start a business? Get into a new relationship? Change careers? The promise of something good eventually gives way to the path of its realization, which is difficult for every worth while venture. KEEP GOING.

Laugh. A lot. At dumb things. Our 21st century worship of the intellect is a damn travesty. It sucks the joy and wonder from the world far too often. Let yourself find joy in the silly and unexpected. 

You can’t carry the world on your shoulders. I’ve tried. Many have tried. You are the rule, as we were. Let it go. 

When you need to know what side the gas tank is, look at the gas gauge. Every car has an arrow on the gas gauge, and that gas gauge points to the side of the gas cap, right or left. 

Butter, salt and pepper, and a touch of vinegar will make nearly anything taste better. Fat, acid, salt. I think that’s book. I’m not sure, but it’s basic Food Theory 101. 

Quit trying to be an expert. True expertise requires years of dedication and intent. If you haven’t spent years intentionally engaged in something, lower your expectations. Be kind to yourself.

Talent is real, but it means nothing without dedication and persistence. Success is about endurance and grit. Ever see someone doing something and think “I could do that.” The truth is you probably could, but do you have their endurance? 

Discounts are great, but not on the following items: Knives. Tattoos. Yeah....Seafood. Contractors.Mattresses.Lawyers.

Be disciplined, not controlled. Discipline is how we decided to respond to life. Control is how we try to get others to respond to life. 

Challenge the narrative in your head. When we get anxious or stressed, we usually only see two choices: the ideal we want or the certain disaster. I love to ask myself “What if that’s not true? What else is possible?”

Speak life and you will have it. Listen to your thoughts and the words you speak. Are you speaking life to yourself? To others? Cynicism is the shield of the afraid and downtrodden. Pick your head up. Speak life over yourself, and don’t stop till you position your heart toward heaven. 

Cultivate gratitude. Every single person has something to be grateful for. And most of us are lucky enough to have many blessings. Take time to recognize it in your life. Every, damn, day.

Judgment and comparison are thieves of life. If you find yourself in a position of constant judgment of others, or comparing your life to others...that’s your problem. It’s an act of self-protection. Take your ass on to Jesus and work through it. 

Lard makes a superior buttermilk biscuit. I’ve tried shortening and butter. But lard makes a far superior biscuit. 

Carbs are not evil, but too many carbs will make you fat. Enjoy your breads, potatoes, and rice noodles. Just make sure you eat your veggies and drink plenty of water. 

Wild animals are...wild...animals. You should expect a wild animal to act like a wild animal no matter how cute or tame they may appear. 

Procrastination is overhyped. I work better under the gun of a deadline. And I love the energy I get from knowing I’ve got to get a project finished. Besides, even if I’m not working on a project, I am thinking about it.  

Trust the Lord with your life. I amaze myself how often I tried to make something work, failed, and yet I’m ok. I’m where I need to be, headed toward the place I need to be. At 40, I trust the Lord.

Love the Lord with all you heart, all your soul, and all your mind. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward the Lord. I’ve walked with the Lord for 20 years. It’s a real relationship. And loving Jesus is the best decision I’ve ever made, and continue to make. 

Love your neighbors. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your neighbors. Jesus never said it would be easy.

Love your enemies. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest toward your enemies. Only love can change an enemy into a friend. 

Love yourself. Be patient, kind, long-suffering, forward-moving, enduring, hoping, faithing, forgiving, gracious, persistent, and honest with yourself. If you don’t love you, you will not believe anyone else can love you. 

[porthavenhq]

Welcome to Porthaven, Ashe! We can’t wait to meet Jack Skellington!

Please look over the acceptance checklist and submit your blog within the next 24 hours. If there is a problem or a prior obligation and you need more time than provided, just message the main and we will gladly extend!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　OUT OF CHARACTER　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Name: Ashe Pronouns: they/them or he/him Age: 22 Timezone: mst but like im always awake Activity Level: 7/10 i’ll probably always be available on discord, but this quarantine has been all over the place for me and my mental health. so i’m around a lot but like sometimes i can feel a lil too bummed to get on the dash but i’ll always be around to plot and talk and such Triggers: n/a Anything Else: nope! just happy to be here

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　CHARACTER INFORMATION　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Name: Jackson “Jack” Skellington Age: born October 31, 1918 however he appears about 35 Gender: cis male FC: Matthew Gray Gubler

Character Biography

As a child, Jack was always very hard for his servants to deal with. Slipping in and out of the manor with ease, leaving his various tutors and nannies in disbelief. The clever little boy always finding unique ways to pop out and scare them, almost as if appearing out of nowhere. Even with all his mischief, everyone around him found him charming. This likability also made its way into Moroi court. The court is dignified and serious, so the delightful addition that Jack would bring created ease and peace in the court. While many Moroi expect him to take the throne, some for rather nefarious reasons that he would be easy to control, Jack has never believed it his destiny. Jack would much rather view the world. Make new people laugh and discover new things about the world. In secret he would teach himself about unique stories and histories of the mundane world. Because he only ever read about mundane life, never lived it before, while in Porthaven he will misunderstand and stumble through basic conversations. Even when he’s wrong, however, he’s always happy to learn and correct himself. Long ago, Jack knew he was never meant for royal life. It’s because of this that he’s trying to make it impossible for the court to expect him back. He can no longer continue pretending to be something he’s not. It’s probably the most mature aspect of his personality. Despite being alive for one hundred years, never holding real responsibilities hindered his ability to take anything seriously. It’s both his greatest strength but greatest weakness as well. His heart is in the right place however. Jack believes in good, and wants to be the good in the world. Of course, he’s not going to stop having fun along the way, because without joy how else can good be brought.

Headcanons

is currently in the process of trying to find a space to open his own store. jack’s dream for this store is to hire young people and get in the spirit of halloween, all year round. although he has no idea how to run a business at all, its still his one desire for his life.

jack doesn’t tell many people he can talk to the dead. he finds people don’t understand that death isn’t scary, it’s something of peace. and those who haven’t been able to rest, he believes that he’s responsible to these people, that it is up to him to help them. often he will walk through the local cemeteries, putting a single flower on each grave marker. specifically spending time with any anonymous grave.

jack has never experienced any mundane holiday himself. he’s only ever read about them, but it’s all he’s talked about since arriving in port haven. he’s started collecting store bought halloween costumes, and various strange christmas decorations. his small apartment is decked out in the extremes of both of these holidays.

jack is a growing theater nerd. since he always liked the fantastical growing up, theater was an obvious choice for an interest for him. most of the time he just likes comedy theater, and obviously musicals. his current favorite is heathers.

he’s always humming a little tune to himself.

usually away in his own little world, often ignoring people around him. he never means to, but his attention span just isn’t long enough.

like his name implies, he’s quite the jack of all trades. while he’s getting into theater, he’s also started working on a stand up routine.

favorite colors are black, orange, and red.

failure of a cook, so he’s always ordering and eating out. he’s very fortunate to have his parent’s money.

always the romantic type, easily falling for anyone after just one conversation. however this infatuation never lasts, his attention span just too short.

Inspiration

i’m currently revamping my pinterest but as soon as it’s back up and running you’ll be the first to know

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

Monomyth

A character distributes their weight (5 points) among seven Archetypes, governed by the seven astrological bodies. The Sun is Hero, for matters of virtue and the heart. The Moon is Trickster, for all stealth, deception and shenanigans. Mercury governs the Wanderer, Venus the Lover, Mars the Warrior, Jupiter the King and Saturn the Sage. Each Archetype in which a character has at least one rank can additionally divide that many ranks in Skills, defined by the character themselves. Making a roll consists of rolling dice equal to their rank in the Archetype, plus autosuccesses equal to applicable Edges.

In addition to these standard rolls, a character receives several Feats to enhance her actions. The precise number thereof depends on their Might, which starts at 2 and goes to 12. They receive that many Legendary, Epic and Mythic Feats. Feats can be used to enhance a normal action, or they can be used by supernatural miracles. A Legendary Feat adds a single success, an Epic Feat adds successes equal to the character’s Might, and a Mythic Feat adds that many successes squared. These also apply to miracles that use Feats; a miracle could use a Legendary Feat and only get a single autosuccess, or the same character using the same miracle could get (Might) extra successes. (This notation follows d19 convention; dice rolls are [number], while flat values are (number).) A character’s Legendary Feats refresh every scene, their Epic Feats refresh every session, and their Mythic Feats only refresh every story.

Miracles are special powers dependent on the Aspects. Anyone can use a Miracle if they have at least 1 point in its Aspect, and a Miracle always trumps mundane actions or obstacles. Opposed Miracles roll their attendant Aspects.

Mortals, extras, NPCs who are not miraculous enough to invoke the supernatural do not use these rules. They mostly get a single success for anything they could be expected to succeed at, with set dice pools for tasks they’re specialized in.

EDGES

Each Aspect comes with a certain kind of Edge involved. These may be bought at creation, or granted by certain Miracles. They may also be obtained naturally, but until the character pays XP to raise the relevant Edge and bind it to themselves, it just serves as stunt fodder. Edges are always linked to the relevant Archetype but may also be linked to other Archetypes or Aspects, serving as a source of Feats for that Aspect, sometimes with other bonuses. Total Edges cannot surpass the relevant Archetype. A point in an Edge may grant a Legendary Feat, two points an Epic Feat, and a similar scale for other bonuses to uses of the provided Feats.

Hero: Virtues

Virtues represent causes or beliefs that comprise the character’s identity, and can be used to resist mental attack or generally reinforce actions drawing from those Virtues.

Trickster: Tricks

Tricks are disguises or setups which allow the character to reveal that whatever just happened didn’t actually happen, and was actually this other thing all along!

Wanderer: Sancta

Sancta are safe places that give the character something they need: shelter, food, information. They usually require that the character be in them to benefit from them.

Lover: Companions

Companions represent pets and sidekicks who are capable of acting on their own or reinforcing the character’s own skills. They often offer the chance to substitute for other Aspects or opportunities impossible with a single character.

Warrior: Weapons

Weapons are meant to be used for conflict, even if not necessarily combat. A frying pan is stunt fodder if it’s just for cooking, but a Weapon if it helps in cooking competitions.

King: Support

Support represents favors you can command or demand from people you know, usually not other characters but people in the background and offscreen.

Sage: Skills

Skills represent the one thing a character is just really good at, for whatever reason. Not things like fighting or talking, but maybe firefighting or talking to children.

HERO MIRACLES

Sense Evil: Sense if anyone is planning to hurt you right now

Dramatic Speech: Grant a Feat to someone else

Pure of Heart: Perfectly resist a mental attack (Epic+)

Heroic Willpower: Get back up after a finishing blow (Mythic)

Channel Virtue: Get Legendary Feats out of a Virtue (Epic+)

Deep Bond: Act as a Companion for someone else

Holy Smite: Deal extra damage to something with opposing Virtues

TRICKSTER MIRACLES

Just Kidding: Take back something you said

Bavarian Fire Drill: Gain temporary Support, though you have to escape consequences later

Friendly Fire: Redirect something to someone else at random

Doppelganger: Appear as someone else

Black Hat, White Hat: Cause two characters to come into conflict

With Catlike Tread: Do something unseen

Disapparition: Leave the scene without being observed

Cross My Heart: Lie perfectly

Murphy’s Law: Something that can go wrong does

Outside the Box: Reduce the efficacy of Miracles that penalize you

Cover Identity: Establish a Trick as a persona that has its own stats, and assume that persona by spending that Trick’s Feats

WANDERER MIRACLES

Fastest Man Alive: Outpace anyone else who doesn’t use this Miracle

Flash Step: Instantly move to anywhere you can see

Water Walk: Move without falling through water, disturbing snow, etc.

Master Key: Open a lock, trap, binding or seal

Always Coming Home: Fit in no matter where you are

Opening the Way: Momentarily connect a doorway to a Sanctum (Epic+)

Lodestar Reckoning: Always know how to return to one of your Sancta

Hermit Crab: Temporarily claim a place as a Sanctum, for no more than a week. You must leave it after that time (Epic+)

Rainbow Bridge: Enter a spiritual realm such as the home of a god or the realm of dreams (Epic+)

LOVER MIRACLES

Cupid’s Arrow: Inspire an emotion in someone

Below the Belt: Perfectly manipulate someone as long as you use something they care about (Epic+)

Give and Take: Demand something in exchange for something, perfectly (Epic+)

Man’s Best Friend: Gain an animal Companion (Mythic)

Sexual Healing: Help someone recover, physically or mentally

Danger Sense: Be aware when one of your Companions or friends is in danger, and where they are

Reading the Room: Be aware of how anyone in sight feels about others, or how people feel about someone in sight

Heart’s Desire: Know what someone wants most

Sublime Performance: Put on a show (music, dance, speech, etc) so compelling that anyone who sees it is hypnotized and enthralled

Inspiration of the Muse: Let someone use your stats instead of theirs

WARRIOR MIRACLES

Lethal Weapon: Kill someone or destroy something (Mythic)

Unbroken: Survive a finishing blow (Epic+)

Berserker: Gain bonuses depending on how wounded you are

Knuckle-Cracking Show: Intimidate someone into backing down

Bullet Time: Act twice in a row (Epic+)

Fated Strike: Guarantee success in a combat round

Heavenly Ladder Style: Get a temporary +1 Weapon from the scenery

Iron Lotus: Attack multiple people at once

No Sell: Become invincible to attacks until you attack (Epic+)

Battle Cry: Enemies must resist or flee (Epic+)

Second Wind: Heal yourself (Epic+)

Scarred Over: Once you have been damaged by something, you cannot be hurt by it again while that wound remains (Epic+)

Lifting the Sky: Perform any feat of strength, or overcome the strength of anyone else (Mythic)

KING MIRACLES

Stonewall Jackson: Bring your whole party back to the fight

Take a Stand: Negate someone’s attempt at social influence

Power of the Purse: Evoke Support that doesn’t really apply, drawing on their resources

Human Chess: Change what your Support is from

Champion the People: Evoke your Support in combat (Epic+)

Judge’s Wisdom: People cannot lie to you, though they don’t have to tell the truth

Guards! Guards!: Summon a small group of NPCs

Sanctified Oath: Bless a promise or contract so it can’t be broken, including by yourself (Epic+)

Commandments: Speak a law that supporters must obey or be cursed (Mythic)

Provide for the People: Ensure that your supporters have enough to eat (Mythic)

Fisher King: Link yourself to your supporters, so you always know their opinion and so you are protected if they love you

SAGE MIRACLES

Just As Planned: Retroactively negate an obstacle by having planned for it

Listen to Teacher: Grant someone a bonus after instructing them

Jack of All Trades: Gain a point in a Skill you don’t have (Epic+)

Gut Instinct: Know the answer to a yes or no question (Epic+)

Art of War: Apply your Skills to combat, no matter what they are (Epic+)

If I Remember Correctly: Come up with a fact which doesn’t contradict previously established lore

Loremaster: A Skill involving information lets you know anything anyone knows about it; you know everything there is to know about History or Science or Anime Trivia.

Reading People: Ask something about a person and know the answer

Improvise Madly: Gain a bonus according to how hard an uncontested roll is

Prognostication: Know whether or not something is a good idea (Epic+)

Query the Universe: Ask a question about anything and know the answer (Mythic)

Monomyth started as.....jesus, i dont remember. an exercise in writing subtle powers (i used to be way big on flashy elemental stunts)? i think i made this around when heros journey was announced and i was real excited. the original version also had the equivalent of scion APPs but that made it literally just a weird scion homebrew so. bye to that

even as it stands most of these powers are mostly ripped from other games like godbound or the modern magician (though i guess that one doesnt really count as stealing). overall i would deem this a failure, though maybe the one redeeming aspect is using feats to pace power usage