#Ive taken up a lot more reading over the last months

[llitchilitchi]

devastating how many books of ancient literature and history have been lost. it's so hard to imagine until you actually see a list and realise that those are the works we know to be lost, just how much of it is gone that we have no idea about?

[strawberries-and-racing]

i wanna be yours - mv1

pairing: max verstappen x fem!reader

requests that came together and inspired this series:

• nsfw prompts 9-13 (in pt. 2)

• 'listen up. Obsessive possessive crazy max for sweet innocent reader smut.'

• 'ok so we need dark FICS of any driver of your choice but make him very obsessive and possessive and don't forget the smut. Keep it up girlllll!!!'

summary: a lot of tension building between possessive max and sweet y/n.

warnings: alcohol consumption, fluff, slightly crazy max, some cliches (im sorry!) also the title is based off the arctic monkeys song because i felt like the vibes matched also i love arctic monkeys💕

a/n: screaming once again!!! this is the first fluff ive posted and it's part 1/2. the next part has the smut as promised but i wanted to take my time and build this up please enjoy🙏

the flight to the UK was long, but well worth it. two months ago you'd been offered an unbelievable opportunity.

an opportunity you'd been dreaming of for years, one you'd spent what felt like an eternity working towards— an engineering internship. not just any internship, one with the red bull formula one team.

you'd be able to travel with the team, shadow the engineers, help with various tasks around the paddock, and design parts at hq. an absolute dream.

after scouring a thousand real estate websites, you'd finally found the perfect place for to live.

a little 1 bed 1 bath apartment, tucked into a beautiful, quaint little neighbourhood. just 30 mins to the red bull hq.

you'd dedicated many late nights and ikea shopping trips to making the apartment your own. your comfortable escape from the grueling hours of studying and pressures of the internship.

you led a busy life, but it never bothered you. you adored what you did and formula one had been your passion since you were a little girl.

and now everything was falling into place. in fact, tommorrow you'd leave to attend your first race with the team. austria. red bulls home race.

you were ecstatic to say the least.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

you hurriedly made your way through the paddock and into the red bull garage. your eyes glued to the schedule on top of the pile of papers in your arms.

you were on your way to assist one of the senior engineers in preparation before the race began.

you were nervous, and it was no help that you weren't exactly sure where you were supposed to be meeting him.

suddenly, you stumble over your own feet and bump into someone.

you feel hands on your shoulders, their grasp firm, steadying you.

you look up and are taken aback by the pair of strikingly blue eyes staring back at you. his eyes were the kind of crystal blue that would capture anyones attention. but despite their bright colour, they had a sort of inexplicable depth, darkness to them.

there was something in his expression that you couldn't quite read. something stirring beneath the surface of his icy gaze. it was as though he wasn't just looking at you, but into you.

you abruptly become aware of his hands, still on your shoulders. you're so oddly aware of them, as if it's your first time being touched by anyone.

he holds you firmly, as if trying to hold you together. the moment seemed to last forever. the two of you frozen in time.

a stranger's eye contact and touch shouldn't be affecting you in this way.

"you okay?"

it's only once he speaks that you realize who the man standing in front of you is.

your eyes widen, cheeks flushing. you straighten up quickly, mouth slightly agape.

"oh'" you start, at a loss for words "yeah, im sorry." you manage a small smile.

you straighten up an take a step backwards, pulling away from his grasp. you miss the warmth of his hands more than you'd ever like to admit.

"it's okay, no worries," his eyes linger on you a moment longer before you both go your separate ways.

as you walk away, you cant help but glance back at him.

max verstappen.

you'd certainly heard him speak before on tv, but something about his accent in person was enchanting. his energy seemed to linger on you like perfume.

everything about him caught your attention, long before you'd bumped into him in person.

you'd seen his dominance on track, it was impossible not to notice. he could control the car like no other driver, handling each corner perfectly. he pushed the car to the limit every race and it payed off.

it wasn't just his driving you noticed. his persona. it was everything. and you couldn't ignore the fact that it was sexy.

his short temper, his tendency to snap easily.

it was unreasonably and indescribably attractive.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

the next time you see him he's across the room. you're studying the notes that the senior engineer gave you, papers and writing utensils spread across the table in front of you.

he was discussing something with his race engineer, he certainly wasn't doing anything that was particularly interesting or peculiar, he wasn't even looking in your direction. but for fucks sake you were distracted. you were somehow absorbed by his prescence.

ever since bumping into him you couldn't seem to get him out of your head. last night you'd replayed the memory over and over in your mind, finding it more difficult than usual to fall asleep.

all day, you'd silently prayed you would bump into eachother again. your relentless efforts to push your thoughts and feelings to the back of your mind were useless.

the mere idea of him was addictive, so alluring. he was drug-like to you and impossible to ignore.

although it was unknown to you at the time, max had found himself similarly hooked on you. or rather, the thought of you. even though he found enough strength to avoid looking at you, he was well aware of you. sitting at the table in the furthest corner. he was even more aware of the fact that your eyes kept flickering in his direction.

your energy was unlike anything he had ever known. you walked around with an aura of pure innocence. yet you seemed untouchable.

your smile shone. your laugh was contagious. you radiated sunshine. max had come to know these things about you.

you were magnetic in such a way that made him curious.

it stirred something inexplicable inside him. like you were another thing for him to win, to claim. another thing for him to dominant. to corrupt.

your innocence was tangible. and max wanted to be the one to wreck you. it was all he thought about.

ruining you.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

the light in your apartment was soft. that's how you preferred it.

you relished your alone time. your small apartment was tailored exactly to you. it was always where you felt perfectly safe and at ease.

light from the sunset was just beginning to spill through your windows. you're stirring a big pot of soup on the stove with lazy motions.

a buzz from your phone catches your attention, the screen lights up and you see a new message. it's from andrew, one of the young engineers at red bull who you'd grown close with over the past few months.

your eyes widen upon reading the message.

a dinner with drivers? you couldn't deny that it sounded exciting.

but then again, you were already in your pajamas and the soup was beginning to steam.

you suck in a breath.

fuck.

the three letters of his name were more than enough to change your answer.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

you spent half your time getting ready frantically choosing an outfit.

finally, you'd settled on your favorite black dress. your hair fell over your shoulders in soft curls left over from the day before.

now, you were standing outside the restaurant. you take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves.

you walk in and the hostess greets you with a friendly smile. you're led to a booth connected to a big table that's only half full.

andrew waves you over and you take a seat next to him in the booth. lando sits across from you.

youd never spoken with lando outside of strictly professional context and you were pleasantly surprised by his charming humor. you're engrossed in the conversation with the two boys as the rest of the group fills the table. you look up to greet the others.

your breath hitches when you see him. his eyes stare into yours with the same intensity as they had two days ago. you don't break the eye contact until he sits down and a dark haired boy you've never seen before calls his name.

despite the abrupt rush of blood to your head, you manage to hold up the conversation with lando.

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

max couldn't keep his eyes off you for long, and the longer he watched the tighter his grip got on his glass, until his knuckles turned white. he was so focused on you laughing and smiling with lando that he didn't pick up on the way you fidgeted with your ring. a nervous tell.

max clenched his jaw as you leaned in close to something lando said. far closer than what many would deem an action between two casual friends. your giggles and blushing and landos knowing smirk and your hand jokingly smacking his arm made max see red.

"you alright, mate?"

"im fine."

  °~•☆•♡•☆•~°

as the night goes on and the chatter and laughter get louder, people begin shuffling around, moving to talk with new people.

lando is called over to a different group of friends and andrew leaves with him, leaving you alone in the booth.

"having fun?"

you recognize his voice immediately, sense his burning presence as he slides into the booth, sitting next to you.

"yeah." you manage a smile. "the food was really good."

"that's good." he says, briefly glancing away. your eyes involuntarily trace over the tendons of his neck.

he was wearing a dark button down, the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. simple, but ridiculously sexy.

he turns his eyes back onto you. "i didn't know you were gonna be here."

"oh i—" you hesitate for a second, his eyes making your heart skip a beat.

"andrew invited me." you explained, turning slightly so you could face him.

"mm, so are you..." he gestures between you and andrew a few seats down, you know what hes asking.

"oh no, we're just friends." you toy with the edge of your napkin.

it was a bold topic to bring up during a first conversation to say the least, but it didn't feel weird. there wasn't the usual tension, usual coldness that typically came with talking to someone for the first time. it was comfortable, you were able to relax a little.

"hm." is all max answers with. he spreads his legs slightly and pushes his hips forwards, getting comfortable. his leg brushing against yours.

the casual action had your heart thrumming in your ears, beating so loudly you're worried he can hear it.

you swallow, having to glance away. you feel your cheeks turning red.

why max verstappen had such an intense effect on you was still a mystery.

"so um—" you start, trying to make some small talk that would distract you from his arm that now rested on the ledge behind you. you take a breath, composing yourself before speaking. "how often do you guys do this kind of thing?"

he shifted again, his leg touching yours, but he doesn't pull it away this time. the knot of nerves in your stomach tightened. you felt your face turn even redder. the physical contact made your body ache for more.

max smirked, his ego swelling as he saw the effect he had on you.

"once in a while, usually after a race." 

you nod, biting your lip.

"congratulations by the way." you say, it wasn't surprising he'd taken first yet again, but you said it anyways. you prayed he wasn't able to pick up on the way your words came out slightly shaky.

you wanted to do nothing more than relax into him, but with the way he was looking at you that proved to be impossible.

you took a sip of your wine, desperate to cool down as an unexpected surge of heat washed over you which lingered between your legs.

max was different than anyone you'd ever talked too before. he reminded you of nobody. his sense of humor was unique and hilarious.

as the conversation continued you grew immensely fond of the dutchman sitting beside you. although you were absorbed in the stories from his childhood he told you, you remained acutely aware of how close the two of you were now sitting.

max's night couldn't have been unfolding more perfectly. your body language made your thoughts and feelings painfully obvious.

he picked up on the way you blushed immensely at any slight touch from him. the way your pupils dilated as you stared at him. the goosebumps that spread across your chest when he complimented your dress.

but the loudness of the restaurant was a little too much for him. there were too many people here. he craved something more intimate, more private.

"do you wanna get out of here?"

you're caught off guard by his words.

the question was so cliche, yet coming from his mouth it made your heart throb.

"there's a beautiful view not too far from here," he continued, "we could walk?"

his voice was like velvet and he leaned in close, speaking in a low tone as if he didnt want anyone to hear except you.

by now, you're practically having heart palpitations. the pit in your stomach gapes wider.

it was already hard enough for you to keep your sanity intact with him while surrounded by other people. you honestly aren't sure if you could handle being out alone with him.

you nod slowly your head spinning, breathe quickening.

"oh, yeah i'd love that." your voice was unsteadt, yet enthusiastic.

without another word he starts getting up, but before he slips out of the booth he gently touches your leg with his hand, as if reassuring you.

his fingers may as well have been made of hot metal, his touch affected your entire body, his fingerprints burned into your skin.

you felt like a little kid with a crush as you gingerly got up and followed max out of the restaurant, butterflies in your stomach and in your mind.

you don't notice all the eyes on you two as you leave the restaurant, too caught up in the giddiness you were feeling. your own eyes too focused on max in front of you, more specifically on his back which looked so good in that damn shirt.

max, on the other hand, was well aware of all the eyes on him. he fought to keep his cocky grin at bay. there were at least 20 other people there, and out of everyone, you were leaving with him.

he opens the door and lets you by first.

"thank you," you say, the night air cooling your overheated body.

"of course."

amongst the ever present—extremely active— butterflies that fluttered in your stomach, you felt a twinge of genuine nervousness.

you realize that you had just left a restaurant, alone at night, with a guy you technically barely knew. was this safe?

it certainly felt safe. max felt nothing like a stranger.

your nervousness melted away once max fell into step beside you. you looked up at him, at those intense blue eyes.

you were walking so close your arms touched. you had the urge to reach out and take his hand, but of course you didn't.

so there you were, walking alongside max verstappen into the dark night, to see the promised beautiful view.

you'd only walked two blocks before max carefully took your hand in his, entwining his fingers with yours.

please let me know if you want to be tagged for pt.2 (this might end up being three parts)❤

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

Time Enough

Warnings: Angst? Cursing & I didn’t proof read

Word Count: 1,779k

Description: Time. There would always be enough time to tell each other how you felt. At least you had hoped. Time, it seemed would not wait for either one of you.

I blame me listening to Beginning of the End Movement IV by The Newton Brothers for the angst.

Time, you had realized, had become your real enemy. You never seemed to have enough of it. Every moment that passed you by seemed to go by in blur. Each smile, every laugh and tear, just flowed into each other. It was never enough - any of it. You wanted desperately to hold onto it, clutch it with your bare hands and never let go. To freeze all the moments that you had. 

But you couldn’t. Time continues to flow, ebb and bend around you. Every moment felt like your last. And yet, even with that, you couldn’t find it within yourself to tell him. To tell him that he kept all the fear away, brought in the light. Joe Liebgott was your person. The one that through all of it, you could confide in - run to. He was the reason you wanted more time. To freeze it. To stay with until everything else faded into nothing. 

You loved him. You loved him more than you thought you could love anyone. But you could never tell him. Not now. You needed to focus on surviving, on finding some way to hold on. 

Maybe if you had more time…even then you weren’t sure. You closed your eyes and let time pass around you. The warmth leaving your body, and with it the pain. 

If you only had more time…

--------------------------------------------------------------

The sun shone brightly overhead. You closed your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it kissed your skin. You were laying down in a field, basking in the heat. You enjoyed the rare moments in time where it was calm, almost serene. These moments were few and far between - the chatter of the men around you made you smile. Faintly, you could hear Bull Randleman poking fun at Frank Perconte. A chorus of laughter soon followed. 

A smile tugged at your own lips, as the sound of bickering continued. The heat suddenly left you, it’s warmth replaced by a shadow. 

Opening one eye, you looked up to see Joe Liebgott grinning down at you. 

“Do you mind?” you asked, closing both your eyes once more, your smile never leaving your face. 

“No, not at all,” he teased. Joe didn’t move one inch, instead his stance relaxing as he stood over you. 

You let out a huff, sitting up. “Joe-”

“Alright, alright,” he laughed. Moving to sit next to you, he bumped your shoulder with his own. “What are ya doin’ out here anyways?” 

“Well, I was enjoying the sun and some peace and quiet.” You turned to look at him. He feigned shock. 

“Me? Ruin your peace and quiet? Never.”

You let out a laugh that only made to broaden his own. Joe Leibgott had wormed his way into your heart. Burrowing himself in there until he belonged to him and only him. It had taken him time, months, years of teasing, arguing, and talks. Talks like this, where everything else drifted away. It was just you and him. Nothing else mattered. 

“Joe?” 

“Mm?” He hummed, laying himself down on the grass beside you. He closed his eyes now, tucking an arm behind his head. He had a faint smile on his face, a gust of wind tousled his hair in a way that made you want to run your hands through it. 

“I got something for you,” you watched as his face lit up. He squinted up at you, the sun creating a glowing silhouette around you. Carefully, you pulled out your gift, enjoying the way his eyes widened. 

He sat up quickly, “No, shit,” he laughed gingerly, taking the chocolate candy bar into his hands. “How in the hell did you get this?” He paused, “No, wait, do I want to know?” 

You punched him in the arm, “Idiot, Euegene owed me favor. I can just take it back, you know. I’m sure Bill would be a whole lot more grateful for it.” 

You didn’t miss the way, Joe’s eyes darkened with annoyance. “You don’t have to be so dramatic,” he replied. 

Rolling your eyes, you turned forward. 

“Hey,” you turned back to look at him, a look on his face you couldn’t quite place. “Thank you.” 

You smiled back, laying back down. Joe followed after you. The both of you remained quiet, enjoying the silence and each others company. 

--------------------------------------------------------------

You were freezing, you had never known a cold like this in your life. Bastogne was its own hell. You were only stopping by to help restock supplies for the medics. Your help was needed at the aid station. 

Still, your presence did help to lighten the mood for most of the company. George Luz nearly jumped like a small child at the sight of you. 

“Finally,” he had said, “something beautiful, I was tired of looking at all these ugly mugs.” His comment, of course, was met by a chorus of groans. 

Your feet lead you eventually to Joe. He was huddled in his fox hole, grumbling to himself in annoyance. His eyes caught yours, the frustration leaving his expression, if only for a moment. 

“The hell are ya doin’ here?” He grumbled. 

“Restock,” you said simply. Shrugging your shoulders. You shifted your weight, Joe had been more short with you lately. You weren’t sure why, what you had done, but it was killing you. 

“None of the other nurses could do it?” 

You felt almost as if you had been slapped. You knew he was angry at you for some reason, but this? 

He must have seen your face. “I just mean that it’s dangerous here, you shouldn’t be here.” 

“Because my life matters more than any of the other nurses?” You bit back. 

Joe had a look of shock on his face, his jaw tensing as if trying to find the right words to say. “You know damn well you-”

You opened your mouth but nothing came out. Instead a loud crash and explosion rang out around you. You hadn’t realized you had been blown away a good few feet until your body collided with a tree. 

All the air in your lungs left you. You could hardly breathe, you weren’t sure if you could move. The only thing you could hear was ringing in your ears. 

You tried to blink back all the dirt and soot from your eyes. The trees swaying gently above you, you thought only of Joe - the look on his face. Was he angry with you? You wanted to tell him that the only reason you had come was so you could see for yourself he was okay - that he was alive. Because you loved him, you were in love with him. You just needed the time to say it. 

Now? Now you weren’t sure there was any time at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

No. 

No, this wasn’t happening. Not to you, God, not to you. 

Joe scrambled his way out of the fox hole, ignoring everyone who screamed at him not to. It was you. It was fucking you. 

His whole body went numb as he screamed your name. Shouting it over and over and his eyes scanned the horror around him. He was going to find you. He was going to find you and you were going to be just fine. 

You were going to scold him like you always do, give him that teasing look that you reserved only for him. He was going to tell you why he had been ignoring you these last few weeks. Because he couldn’t hide anymore just how in love with you he was. That every time you looked at him, it was like you uncovered a new part of his soul. He was a different person when he was with you, a whole happy schmuck that wanted to spend every waking moment he had with you. 

You and he were going to have all the time in the world. 

When he finally saw your body sprawled across the snow like a ragdoll, his knees buckled underneath him. With shaky hands he reached forward to touch you, you were like ice. 

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Joe whispered with a shaky voice. “Come on, Angel, look at me.” Trembling hands, pushed back the hair on your face. “Please, please look at me,” he choked out.

“Joe,” you gurgled out, coughing blood.

“Oh, fuck, okay, you’re gonna be fine,” he quickly assessed your body, you had a piece of metal in your side, and blood flowing freely from it. Cuts littered your body, but your limbs were intact. “You’re gonna be fine, you hear me?”

“Joe,” you coughed, “I-” 

“Save it, please, you can tell me later.” His tear filled eyes searched yours. You didn’t look worried or panicked and Joe was sure what scared him more. “Medic!I need a fucking medic over here!” 

“Joe, please,” you were straining, your breathing becoming more labored. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he cried out. 

“‘M not.” You smiled, “I - I-” 

“Medic!” He cried out once more. 

“I-” you swallowed, “love -” 

Joe kissed you, fuck the blood, fuck everything, he kissed you. He felt like a fool for not doing it sooner. He was so damn scared of losing you that he didn’t realize he could actually lose you. 

“Joe, Joe you gotta move-” 

Eugene Roe forcefully pushed him back. His hands quickly work over your body. He watched your eyes close as Roe pushed the morphine into you. 

You were going to be fine. You both had more time. You both would have all the time in the world. 

You had to. 

You had to. 

———————————————————————————

Joe walked along the pavement. The busy streets of San Francisco flowed around him. Time had kept moving around him, slowly and quickly all at once. He thought of easy, of clear blue water in Austria, but mostly he thought of you. He thought of your smile, your easy laughter, everything that made you, you. 

He thought of that quiet day you shared. When you had the sun glowing around you like a halo. The sweet chocolate bar you had given him, of the peace he felt when he was with you. 

Nothing had ever been the same since he had met you. Nothing would ever be the same after. 

After…

“Joe?”

He turned watching you carry a bouquet of flowers towards him. You limped slightly, your breath a bit shallow when you caught up to him. But you were there with him. 

“I got those,” he said simply, kissing you on the cheek. 

After, there would never be an after you. There was only you and him- and time. As much time as you could steal.

[somber-sapphic]

AheM 🌸 Im a secret lover for hugs so I’ll gladly accept and reciprocate :) and yep sorry I just fuLLy fully read the whole post :’) that definitely goes out to them and you and whoever gets unnecessary stupid hate. Heheh well if you don’t mind I’ll ask for something under this and it’s more than okay if you took like months just take ur time🤭 naw I’m sorry you didn’t have a great day, that’s really shit, but I’m super happy you feel better and hopefully today and tomorrow is a better day! And remember I’ve got two shoulders in case and anytime🫡💪 how’d you know? I’m like always dehydrated, dehydration is scared of me ahaha. But hey most if the time it’s always the people giving advice aren’t following it… so you better be drinking plenty of water too!! And as for the request, would it be possible to ask for a WandaNat with like pregnant reader or reader already recovering from a bad injury with prompts like ‘Ill timed’ and ‘ it’s nothing’🫣 if not that’s okay but ily thank you thank you your amazing eat drink SLEEP, take care of yourself please :)) <3

Are You Staying

⧽ Notes: Hi! So, I don't write anything for pregnant anyone, but here's a sick and hurt reader for you!

⧽Summary: Reader is injured badly after a mission, leaving them with an infection.

⧽Word Count: 1665

〔 Masterlists 〕

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You were so, so tired of laying in bed, but your girlfriends wouldn’t let you get up. Apparently, when you ignore an injury for so long that the infection turns into sepsis you are no longer allowed to make decisions for yourself. Who knew? 

Well, there you were, laying in bed, struggling to focus on the book that you were holding in slightly trembling hands. The large gash along your side was beginning to throb again, indicating that you needed another dose of pain medicine, but it made you groggy and you didn't like it. 

You were already feeling sort of fuzzy, your mind blurring in and out. Your head ached and you were starting to wonder if this was more than just the damn lingering infection. Bruce had finally taken you off the IV antibiotics but you were warned that it was vital for you to take the oral ones on a strict schedule to ensure that you didn’t get worse again. 

You rubbed your throat gently and cleared it, trying to get rid of the tickle that had taken up residence there in the past hour or so. It was when the first sneeze came that you finally connected the dots. 

The pain in your sinuses, the slightly runny nose that had required you to wipe it every few minutes, the inability to get warm, the overwhelming feeling of fatigue. It wasn't the infection. You had a cold. You had a damn cold. Of all things, you had gotten yourself sick. Your girlfriends were going to kill you. 

Deciding that it was probably best to keep them out of the loop, you put the book aside and curled up under the blankets in a last-ditch effort to sleep the bug off. Maybe if you’d noticed earlier you would’ve had time to get ahead of it, but for now, you would at least sleep. Putting off rest had probably not helped the situation. Fuck. This was going to be a very long few days. 

When you woke you were incredibly disoriented. The pain in your side was so bad you felt like you wanted to throw up and for some reason, you couldn’t move. This was wrong, this was not okay. 

You managed to sit up with a lot of effort but your head was spinning, the room tilting around you in a way that made you wonder if you should call your girlfriends. They probably wouldn’t mind, they weren’t doing anything important, they just had a lot of busy work to do. You were also supposed to be doing busy work if you felt up to it, but there was absolutely no way you could read, much less hold a pen.

A harsh fit of coughing wracked your body, your lungs burning in agony as your side screamed at you that you needed to stop, that you needed to sit still and never move again, but you couldn’t stop coughing. 

You doubled over despite the protest of your body and hacked until you finally managed to cough up a glob of something green and absolutely disgusting. You leaned over the side of the bed and spit into the trashcan with an agonized groan. 

No matter how hard you tried you couldn’t get a full breath of air into your lungs. Everything hurt, everything was miserable, and the world was definitely ending. Tears rolled down your cheeks which you were sure were flushed with fever and you were regretting not taking the pain medication earlier. Now you were in too much pain to get up and find the pills. 

You managed to roll over and grabbed your phone, gasping aloud as you pleaded with the world that your stitches stayed intact. You really didn’t want to stain your bed with any unnecessary blood, the girls would probably be upset, they loved this comforter. 

With pain blurring in your vision you managed to click on the icon for Wanda’s name and hit speaker, absolutely no way that you would be able to hold the phone up to your ear. 

“Hi sweet girl, what’s up? Are you alright?” The woman’s voice lilted over the phone, immediately calming you down. She had a way about her, her mere presence, whether in person or over the phone, always served to make you feel safer. 

“I-I need…Wanda…Wanda it hurts…” You said through quiet sobs, your words punctuated by a particularly harsh sneeze that made you cry out. 

“Okay, okay love, give us five minutes. I’m going to stay on the phone with you. Are you bleeding? Can you check for me?” She asked, you could hear that she was running, another set of footsteps behind her. 

“No.” You whimpered, desperate for them to be back. You wanted them to fix it, you wanted them to make everything stop hurting, you wanted them to magically cure your sickness, which Wanda may actually be able to do. 

“Alright baby, just stay still. Wanda and I will be there soon. Keep breathing.” That was Natasha, her voice rushed as footsteps pounded in the background. You coughed and let out a sob, curling into a ball as your eyes and nose streaming. Part of you wished that the pain would just take over so that you could pass out and stop feeling it. 

You had almost slipped into that unconsciousness when the door slammed open and you felt gentle hands on your cheeks, one of the girls pleading with you to open your eyes. You obeyed, but mostly because of the harsher tone that you were sure came from Natasha. 

You stared at their blurry figures, wondering how much of this was the fever and how much was the injury. 

“Hey baby girl, there you are. Here, just want you to take this, okay? Swallow for me.” Wanda slipped a pill into your mouth and Natasha followed it with a cool bottle pressed to your lips. You took a little sip, but the cold water grated against your throat in an incredibly uncomfortable way. Every molecule in your body was ordering you to just stop. Your body was done. 

“Oh Y/n, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you say something sooner?” The witch cooed, wiping away tears as quickly as they could. 

“I-it’s nothin’, s’nothin. J’st hurts.” You breathed, already feeling the effects of the strong cocktail that was whatever Bruce had prescribed for you. 

“Do you think the infection’s back? We’ve been making sure that they take the antibiotic, should we call Banner?” Natasha asked, speaking to you as if you weren’t in the room, literally sitting right there. Of course, you were so out of it that you may as well have been in space, floating away from reality. 

“Y/n, love, Nat’s going to check your side,” Wanda said, well aware that you weren’t listening even in the slightest as the drug kicked into your system. She could feel the heat radiating off of your skin and was absolutely panicking, but doing a good job of keeping it under control. 

Natasha very carefully lifted up your shirt and peeled back the bandage to reveal a thankfully clean, not bleeding cut with all of the stitches still intact. She let out a sigh of relief and kissed your stomach right next to the injury. 

You sneezed pitifully into the pillow and whined, looking up at Wanda with big, sad eyes. She grabbed a tissue and wiped your nose tenderly, her whole body relaxing as she took in the situation. 

“You’re sick, aren’t you?” Natasha shifted and frowned at the two of you, sitting right by your head. You shifted into her lap and nodded, muffling a fit of chesty coughs into her leg. The assassin rubbed your back while the brunette by your feet hummed her disapproval. 

“Okay, Y/n/n, let’s check your temperature and we’ll get you some medicine.” The thermometer was still there since they had been monitoring your temperature for infection reasons, but now you had a fever for a whole new reason! Your body was trying to kill you for something new!

“Open.” You glanced over at Wanda and pouted slightly, nuzzling closer to your other girlfriend, the one who wasn’t going to make you do something that you didn’t want to. You didn’t hurt anymore and you weren’t about to stay awake until the pain came back. 

“Just listen to her,” Natasha ordered, poking you in the face to get you to open your mouth. Your first instinct was to bite her, but she was too quick for that. The witch placed the thermometer under your tongue and you let it stay there, not in the mood to fight either one of the women. 

The redhead you were sitting on stroked your hair as you waited for the stick to beep, unknowingly lulling you closer to sleep. 

“102.4, that’s not great. Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Wanda murmured, scooching up on the bed so that she was laying beside you, still wearing relatively comfortable clothes. You rolled over and pressed your head into her chest, mumbling some excuse that no one could make out under your breath. 

“Okay babe, take some more Tylenol and you can sleep.” You lifted your head and opened your mouth, not caring enough to take it yourself. If they wanted you to be medicated, they would be medicating you. Natasha rolled her eyes while Wanda chuckled and she helped you swallow the pills before laying you back down. 

“You stayin’?” You slurred tiredly, cuddling up against the Sokovian. 

“Of course, we’re staying, dummy. Apparently, you can’t be trusted by yourself.” The redhead grumbled, laying down on your other side. She pulled the blankets up over the three of you and kissed your shoulder blade. Wanda kissed your forehead and you sniffled, snuggling deep into the blankets. You could deal with the cold later, for now, you just wanted to be held. 

[ikemenomegas]

in light of gojo's unsealing, ive thought about diff cute scenarios

gojo being the type of person to get his mate's phone and snap hundreds of pictures of his face

this would probably never happen given gojo's privacy when it comes to his marriage but in a different world i can see this happening Gojo naming his alpha as "mochi seller' on his phone and Itadori seeing the message pop out from the lock screen and accidentally somewhat outing gojo's rs when he asks him in front of the other students why the mochi seller sent an ily message

the tender moments where gojo lets his infinity down or lets his alpha inside his infinity and he gets to relish in the warmth of their skin

the sappy things gojo's alpha has to sometimes do whenever gojo gets too rowdy and they need to placate him for whatever reason (re: alpha reading a map together with nanami scenario)

gojo sending his alpha a picture of two rocks by the sidewalk with the caption: 'us'

gojo asking his alpha if they would still love him if he was a worm and the alpha saying: "no<33"

Awww! These were really cute anon! Very happy ending which I feel like we're going to need a lot of in the coming weeks...

(Also I ran with it but why is their name "mochi seller" haha)

[Ao3 link for those who prefer chapters]

⬖ Photomaton

"Device storage insufficient, please move or delete files to make room?" you read, nonplussed.

Nobara sighed. "Sensei, I showed you how to do that weeks ago."

"I did do it." You frowned, opening up your files. Why were there so many pictures...

Nobara rolled her eyes at you and beat a hasty retreat when your hand went to your mouth as your face went warm.

There were rows and rows of photos, none of which you had taken.

Most of them were selfies, but some of them were obviously the result of Satoru propping the phone up and attempting to pose for the camera.

He must have been swiping your phone every time you left it sitting out or went to sleep. He didn't rest much, but there were so many, more probably than you'd been able to take in the last five years.

There wasn't much thought for such things when you only saw one another a handful of days every month. The focus had gone to managing the present, not on taking pictures. You'd only really thought to regret it after that terrible Halloween, when you worried you'd never see him again.

Some of the photos framed Satoru inside one of your homes. Others were almost ugly shots, taken way too close, or blurred with motion artifact. There were pictures of him haloed in the night glow of streetlights or washed out in the halogen light of a konbini. There were those made grainy with low light and some that took your breath away because he was nice looking.

Furtively, you looked up but were alone and you silently thanked your student's exasperated impatience. A few of the photos showed just too much skin to be exactly proper.

You thumbed down. The pictures were a story all their own revealing some of what Satoru did when alone and you savored the honesty. You had to keep apart from one another for so long.

The last thing in the camera roll was a video.

It opened with the shuffling sounds and the wobbling display of someone walking. Satoru wound around furniture in the darkened interior of your apartment.

"I'm home. You're asleep right now," he said lowly, "probably won't be later. I don't know how most people can sleep so much." He spoke half to himself, the deep night laying over his words like velvet.

There was the sound of the door to the little balcony opening and then the faint tinkle of the glass bells hanging from the eaves.

"Must be nice," he mused, "you get to miss a lot."

The image on the screen steadied as he rested your phone on the rail. The familiar view of the city resolved as faint golden starbursts of light. The rustling of Satoru's clothing faded until all you could hear was the faint rush of night wind and his breathing.

The video went on for over a quarter of an hour. You scrolled your fingers across the screen. He didn't move, the picture stayed the same. You leaned against a wall and listened to the last few moments, your heartbeat low and slow, your breath in sync with his from some time both here and long ago.

Satoru spoke, amused over the night-sounds:

"Don't delete this. I'll know."

⬖ Daifuku

"Good job," Gojo congratulated his dust-stained students as the veil fell.

Maki and Toge glared while Yuuji gave him a tired thumbs up from where he was laying on the ground.

"Dinner is on me tonight." Gojo ignored their halfhearted grumbling. "Decide where you want to go."

He anticipated a larger than normal ding to his wallet, but they'd earned it (and it wasn't as though he couldn't afford it). Beating this curse was no minor feat and it had been a particularly crafty one, which was why Gojo had gone with them just in case.

The students made noises of acknowledgement with varying levels of anticipation, but to no one's surprise, Yuuji was the first to roll over and dig around for his phone.

He tapped the screen and groaned.

"Sensei, mine's dead. Can I use yours?"

Gojo unlocked it and passed it over without a thought. He wasn't particularly hungry, the kids could figure this out without his interference for once.

"Um, Gojo-sensei?"

"Hm?"

"Why is a "mochi seller" reminding you to stop at the pharmacy and sending you heart emojis?"

With uncanny synchrony, Maki and Toge's heads turned to look at their teacher.

The phone in Yuuji's hand buzzed faintly.

"I love you?" he read, sounding alarmed.

Toge's eyes went a bit wide but a grin that curled a bit too much at the edges and showed teeth took over Maki's face.

"Text back," she said, scrambling to her feet.

With all her quickness, she swooped in and snatched the phone when Yuuji hesitated.

The phone buzzed once more.

"I'll be home by 8:30, probably," she read.

Gojo took advantage of Maki's triumphant look to slip the device from her grip.

"I knew it!" she pointed at him. "I knew you were hiding something."

"Grown ups hide lots of things," he replied blithely. He was confident none of the students could tell that moment had been more like someone walking over his grave.

It was not as though he intended to hide his relationship with you. Hide implied shame, concealment on the other hand had been security and was harder to let go of. There would come a moment when the kids prised the truth from him. He was not about to have that moment with his kids now, or hopefully ever, because they accidentally read his texts out loud.

Maki reached for his phone and he easily tipped out of her way, walking off and heading towards a neighborhood he knew (and the students did not) had a lot of very good restaurants.

He was silently very thankful when the implied threat of no food at all distracted the students. Or at least had Yuuji barreling past Maki and kindly dropping the matter in favor of promising to "only look at the map this time, was there a good katsudon place nearby?"

⬖ Goose Down

Satoru spotted you hunched over a rail with your umbrella open overhead, held in the crook of your elbow.

He could tell from the set of your shoulders that the summer sun was getting to you, despite the cursed tool taking a majority of the pressure off.

Your energy was butter yellow and burnt red and lithium pink, mixing slowly around your body as you slowly cycled power into the umbrella and the short sword held loosely in your hands.

Satoru ducked around a corner and took a peak at your face. Your eyes were closed.

Smirking quietly to himself, he crept around, Infinity a barrier between himself and the world. For just a little longer...

You jumped when he dropped it, nearly dropping your sword and automatically holding the umbrella high enough for him to fit under it.

"Hah-"

"Speechless?"

You gaped at him, mouth hanging open.

He nodded as if you'd just confirmed it. "This is what they don't tell you about marriage. Making someone's heart race is important even after the wedding. We'll probably be together forever at this rate."

You mouth closed and then went a little wobbly.

"It's hot," you finally said, miserably. "And it's too sunny."

He couldn't hold back his laughter as he stepped closer and folded himself around you. Your scent tingled pleasantly in his nose and your skin was warm from both heat and light, like a sun-warmed blanket.

"Oh," you said faintly, "you're cool," and you all but melted against him.

"You could just go inside," Satoru said. "I sent the students off on an adventure. We wouldn't be bothered."

"That sounds nice," you murmured, but didn't make any move away from him.

He didn't either. He didn't feel much like letting go yet.

⬖ Orange Kazoo

Sometimes, you reminded yourself through your already strained patience, Satoru just needed to be left alone to make noise.

For a moment, you considered begging him for just a little peace, but you knew he was doing this for your benefit. Shibata Kin was a difficult pill to swallow.

"I never expected anyone to send Six Eyes to join us."

It was the weakest and most recent of Shibata's barbs. The oily way he said it and the implication that anyone would dare to subordinate Satoru to this boot licker rankled.

Satoru crinkled the package extra loud on a bit of melon bread and smiled. "I was in the neighborhood."

He took a bite, chewed and swallowed while you flipped through the mission report on a clipboard.

You sighed, exhaling your worry, and handed it back. "Let's go then. It looks like all the victims disappeared from the same place so we should start there."

That place was a building that straddled a moderately busy subway station and stacked part of a shopping mall, a cluster of private clinics, and a cram school all on top of each other.

Satoru trailed behind through the store, stopping at kiosks and chatting with saleswomen, picking up and putting down objects.

You could feel Shibata's irritation transform into something far less internal as he turned to you.

"He's like a child," he remarked coolly. "Sure we shouldn't just ditch him? The curse doesn't sound that hard to deal with since I've got you."

When you ignored him, he kept talking.

"He shouldn't even be here," the man drawled.

You shrugged. "Well he is."

Shibata sourly appeared to swallow whatever else he wanted to say. You turned around to see where Satoru had gone to. The thought of being stuck with the bitter other sorcerer was worse than waiting for them to pick their bickering back up.

He waved a stuffed cat in sunglasses at you and nodded eager agreement when you pointed out a cute little sparrow holding an umbrella on a shelf behind him. Sometimes, it was best to just humor Satoru and play along.

When you turned back, Shibata Kin was gone.

Since you were all concealing your residuals from the curse you expected was in the building, you had no idea where he went.

You looked over your shoulder. Satoru was gone too.

Well.

You tapped your fingers over your pocket and then decided to let them go. Satoru always seemed to know where to find you and Shibata had called you here as backup. You should probably go kill what you were looking for before it nibbled on him.

Many fewer curses than you expected lingered in the shopping mall. They were bizarre places with as many secret passageways as an ancient castle. Away from the popular shops and crowds, it quickly grew quiet and the bright gleam of displays gave way to more neglected halls.

On your way, you passed a small bank of capsule machines. You crouched down, and smiled faintly to yourself. Abandoned in the furthest reach of the shopping mall, almost near to where a service entrance lead to another stretch of winding halls and tunnels, the items here were both ancient (by city standards) and ridiculous.

Packages of candy that still held their shine but were likely far past their expiration date sat beside tiny figurines of a frog-shaped toddler in a little red hat. You grimaced back at those and moved on.

Near the end of the row was a machine that sold tiny musical instruments, plastic and paper and probably terrible sounding, but it wasn't expired food or frog children. You stuck a few coins into the slot and turned the dial.

An acid green ball spat out from the slot.

You picked at the latches on its side while you found your way further and further into the little used corridors.

There was a flash of something, like a burst of camera illumination from behind a door on your right.

You slipped through it, pulling your blade free from its sheath at the small of your back, and emerged into a tunnel that looked to be connecting to the nearby subway station. Not far ahead, the darkened path split into two.

You flipped the sword around so its blunt edge rested against your forearm and sprinted, dashing across the intersection.

A blur of motion came at you. As it grazed by, you snatched at that movement and sprang into the air, high enough to crouch on the ceiling of the tunnel.

The curse was a near perfect twin of the one a little ways down the way the attack had come, which should have maybe been your first hint. The one that had come at you was grinning, its face a rictus mockery of a theater mask.

They both sat, crouched like toads. You feinted toward the one that had come towards you, and at the last minute flew down to the other, its mouth bent in a painted looking frown.

It backed up in surprise, but not far enough and your blade nicked through the face, which was hard like dense wood. The air around your other hand shimmered in heat, as you struck for the thing's cavernous eyes.

It emitted a furious, scolding gurgle that almost reminded you of some of the window teachers from high school, and swallowed the burst of heat before it could crackled around it into full flame.

You hardly had time to reinforce your body with cursed energy before you were blasted from two directions, letting the momentum carry you and trying to wrap the more opposing forces and the roaring sound of displaced air into your own cursed energy. But something about it resisted you, and you were unable to absorb as much of the attack as you usually would.

A racking shiver radiated through your body right before you were caught by a broad hand on your back.

"Hi," Satoru said sweetly.

"Hi," you panted, automatic, eyes still fixed on the curse.

"What's going on?"

You looked up at him with incredulity.

Hoisted in his other arm was the limp body of your other companion.

Satoru's head cocked to the side, curious as he looked at the curse.

"I don't know yet. I hit it and then--" the mask of the frowning curse was ash blasted and the notch from your first strike still there, but it was not as damaged as expected.

You regained your footing and stood upright.

"If I give it another go I think I can figure it out."

He tilted his head.

You sized up the two curses waiting outside the reach of Satoru's infinity.

"Oh." You reached into your pocket and handed him the green orb.

"What's this?"

"Dunno," you said with a faint smile. "I got it for you."

"Aww, you shouldn't have."

Maybe not. Satoru thinks gachapon are funny, you should show him the line of machines if you get out of here the same way you come in, then he can choose something himself. You still have a few coins on you.

You flew at the grinning curse, both hands on the hilt of your blade, cursed energy flashing into a point a good six inches out from where the metal itself ended.

You held, crystalizing your own movement for a moment and stared deep into the thing's empty eyes.

It twitched, and then its arm moved and you slashed downward, intending to cleave the limb away.

The blade hit, you knew it did. You were able to dodge the attack you anticipated from the smiling curse. The frowning curse in front of you struck back, almost at the same time.

You pulled on some of the reserved momentum you'd held back in your initial strike and barely twisted out of the way.

You lifted the gleeful cackles of the twinned curses from the air and tried to twist them into a crackling rope of flame to surround the grinning one again. As you had expected, the damage did not seem to completely take and you were forced to duck when a bolt of heat tried to sear your back, culminating in another blast that shook the tunnel and thew you once more.

"That's enough."

Satoru appeared at your side again, pulling you back behind the shield of his power when the curse's retaliation threatened to cut through you.

"This one's a bad match for your technique," he murmured thoughtfully.

"Is it reflecting through the faces?" you asked, catching your breath.

He hummed.

Absently, you realized you could scent the sharp, fresh smell of citrus on his breath - the smell of the biting orange flavored candy you'd shared with him on the train ride here.

"If it reflects yours too--" you trailed off. What you did was firmly in the realm of the "real" and Satoru's abilities were not. If this curse were to reflect back blue, or red, or heaven forbid purple... well you'd never seen or asked up until if Satoru could stop his own techniques. It seemed a tactical oversight in this moment.

Satoru stepped forward.

"Stabilize him," he instructed flatly. He'd tossed Shibata Kin's still body where he had been standing barely a minute before.

The curses had moved closer and pressed together, beginning to meld into one another before your eyes. The damage you had already done was fading further.

You knelt at Shibata's side, shaking back your sleeves. "You know this is going to poison him."

You carefully set two fingers underneath his right collarbone, and three a few ribs below his heart on the left and focused in on the flickers of electricity that powered a human body.

"Oh well." Satoru's grin was a baring of teeth. "He'll get over it better than being dead."

You could sense the arrhythmic flutter of Kin's heart, like the popping scatter of an overloaded lamp, like a fractured version of that flash you had sensed earlier.

"You know he was trying to set you up right?" Satoru asked as he batted away an experimental chunk of rubble the curse tossed his way with a flick of his wrist. The stone was aimed right for the face of the smiling curse and even as it hit, it seemed to bounce back, hitting Satoru's shield and falling to the ground.

You sparked a bit of your energy to pure electricity, sending it jumping from one side of Shibata Kin's chest to the other.

"It crossed my mind," you admitted, murmuring as you concentrated. "But I didn't pursue the thought."

Satoru snorted. Yes, alright it was more likely you'd decided thinking about it too hard was going to distract you from the mission but you were here anyway.

You counted the pulse of electricity between your fingers to your own heartbeat until Kin's matched, or at least matched better than before.

When you pulled your hands away, Satoru cracked his knuckles. It looked like he was going to go in for physical attacks.

"You might need to manage the tunnel," he said.

Yet another reason this was a bad match up, not just for you but for him. Satoru did best in wide open spaces where he had room to move and didn't need to worry too much about collateral damage. Dropping a ton of rock on your heads and collapsing the buildings above sounded like a thing that could happen.

You had barely pressed your hands to the ground when Satoru was off like a shot.

The curse wasn't that strong - a high end second grade or low level first grade at best given that it wasn't itself attacking to provoke a response - but it split into those two halves of itself and reformed again as needed to minimize the impacts Satoru rained upon it or flank him.

Limitless lay against his skin between each strike so he remained unmarked, but the cavernous space still rocked with noise and dust shook from the gaps between tiles. You steadied it best you could, absorbing the oscillations and dampening the noise.

It did not take long for the frowning curse to realize what you were doing and send the smiling one racing for you. With one hand on the ground and one on your sword, brimming with unspent potential, you raised the point.

"Nah ah." This seemed at once to you and the monster charging your way. Satoru appeared in its path and bodily kicked it away.

It did not take long after for the twinned curses to be dispatched. Although the only reason you weren't holding your breath is because you were gritting your teeth with the effort of holding the ground together and trying not to shake apart yourself.

Satoru in motion, in a fight, particularly when physical constraint demanded more of his ingenuity, was always a sight to behold.

He came back to you looking unfairly dewy post exertion, with his hair in a sort of windswept disarray, the fabric around his shoulders bunched up. He shrugged out the wrinkles and dusted off his hands.

Your briefly pressed a hand to his knee after you steadied the last tremor from the ground.

"Thank you."

Satoru tapped his forefinger twice against your temple as he walked by. "A feedback loop between you and that thing would have been very messy."

You stood up, swaying slightly.

Even though Satoru would have happily dragged Shibata to the exit point, you insisted on tugging him upright and at least moving him through the air to a place where the three of you could safely rest and call a car.

You had settled him against a wall and were calling Akari when he finally stirred.

"What happened?" Shibata asked weakly.

You turned around to look at him and from Shibata Kin's tepid expression and the sound of shifting cloth behind you, you assumed Satoru must have copied your movement.

Still, you gave him a faint smile and couched down beside him. He didn't have the strength to move away as you grabbed his wrist and felt his pulse. It was thready, but he'd be good enough to get the rest of the way above ground until an actual doctor could take a look at hime.

"We're all alive," you explained unnecessarily.

Shibata Kin's eyes moved from your face to over your shoulder. Sweat beaded his brow and upper lip.

From behind you came a buzzing hum, somewhat approximating a sad tuba. Waa wa wa waaaaaaaa, it trailed off.

Satoru had a the wide end of a grape purple kazoo held between his teeth, his sunglasses already exchanged for the bandages he'd had wrapped around his eyes.

Only just in time, you ducked your face into your shoulder and hid a smile.

⬖ Pet rock

You were walking down some quiet residential street, trying to match the map to the trail of the curse you were tracking. It was not very intelligent, but it had a pernicious little ability to draw other curses to it under the banner of a powerful command. You'd been swatting third and fourth grades out of the air as you chased it, trying to wear down its arsenal.

It wasn't a terribly good strategy however and the thing had been winding its way through side streets to buy time. If you could get in closer, you could chop away at more of its train of screaming fears, maybe get a head start on the main peril. Thus the attempt at navigating and figuring out its destination so you could cut it off.

At least Hirano-san would be happy. Maybe. Culling curses required balance; they were their own little ecosystem. As long as the things aren't eating anyone, a certain amount of apex predators in an area could be a deterrent, like the old practice of putting powerful relics out like roach traps. Have the inevitable critters fight and eat one another rather than their human hosts.

A notification popped up over the map, and then another after it.

You felt your shoulders drop as you recentered yourself with a faint smile.

At your hotel later that night, you recalled that Satoru had sent you a message. You fell onto the bed, wrapped up in the hotel bathrobe.

It was... nice, knowing that someone was waiting at home for you. Or if not at home, he was still busy as ever, out there in the world somewhere, thinking of you. Weirdly normal.

The message was a picture. You blinked up at it. Two little rocks and a flower growing out of a crack in the pavement to shade over them.

>> ?

Almost immediately you saw three dots appear.

<< it's us!

Is it? you thought skeptically, looking at the picture again.

The dots again.

<< You don't think so :(?

Your phone was buzzing in your hand before you had even a moment to answer.

It startled you enough to drop the phone.

Owww

"You took so long to answer. This is photography, are you discouraging my new passion? It could go on a greeting card."

The word salad was meaningless and silly, weightless.

"I dropped you on my nose," you said, eyes closed as you rubbed the spot the corner of your case had hit.

"Were you that surprised by it?"

A pause.

"It's cute." The notion of it and the fact that he'd sent it to you was cute.

"It is cute right?" His voice was bright but not overly loud through the phone, for which you were grateful, already settling into warmth. "The flower is poisonous too."

You curled up on your side and held the phone close. Maybe he'd get lucky and you would find something cute to send back to him.

⬖ Puddle jumping

a/n: You have no idea how much googling I had to do to figure out what the prompt meant. I am not on the tick-tock app lol or, I've found, a fan of this meme... the implication that girlfriends ask useless questions as a rule seems sort of meh. So I mostly kept to my original response to this which was "i don't know what that is and honestly probably neither does alpha"

Satoru was herding you down the sidewalk, occasionally listing one way or the other to get you out of the way of other pedestrians. Sometimes he did it for the simple fascination of how you swayed along by him like you were on a tether. Even while you eyes were all but fixed skyward, you stayed roughly the same distance from him.

It was the first day of sun after days of rain and also one of the first days he had off with you in so many apart. He had been too restless the day before, back off a bad mission that had more to do with the desperate unpredictability of people than the intrinsic darkness of curses. You had not resisted him when he drew you out, stifled by the low clouds and humidity and longing for openness. Even with Infinity blocking the rain, it had felt like being closed in again.

Relieved of their burden, the clouds had gone from iron grey to diaphanous white and pealed up and away in swaths like billowing curtains. This is what you were watching - their retreat from the earth. They had come so low they wrapped around skyscrapers and telephone poles on their back to their usual place.

Satoru watched the drowned earth. You had cut through a tree lined walk. The rich soil was churned and muddy and the long bodies of worms that had been washed out or crawled up were strewn about.

Your and Satoru's steps made no mark as he stretched Infinity over and around the two of you. Neither of you tread upon those blind, waterlogged creatures.

Satoru stepped behind you to allow a cluster of high schoolers to pass and hid a faint wrinkle of his nose as they squealed and ran by, realizing they were stepping on some of the remains.

Your umbrella was folded and carried at your side, and you tilted your head back at him, looking a little sun-drunk. He smiled at you. He could see the reflection of the sky in your gaze.

He adopted a pout, snickering internally as you immediately seemed to regain some awareness and a wary anticipation entered your expression.

"Would you still like me if I was a worm?" he asked.

You blinked at him. "Is this one of those things you learned from the kids?"

He slouched a bit, crowding into your space. "Would you still love me if I was a worm," he wheedled.

"Are you turning into a worm?" you asked, slightly panicked, hand going to his arm as though to check if he was going as wet and floppy as the poor things on the ground.

"I'm going to turn into one if you don't answer my question."

The last of the distracted fog lifted from your eyes as you shook yourself. You took his hand and pulled him close to let another couple pass you on the walk. They inclined their head in thanks.

There was no rush to get where you were going and you tugged him along a smaller path that cut under a row of thick-branched trees so you could walk side by side unimpeded.

"I still liked you when you were a semi-sentient six sided die," you pointed out, smiling slightly.

"It's not the same," he whined a bit, drawing out the words in a sing-song fashion.

"Isn't it? I'm not sure a die eight kilometers under the ocean is more useful than a worm."

"Hmph."

"Although I really hope the worm thing is hypothetical."

"Why?"

"Because with our luck that would mean I'm a worm too."

Satoru huffed a faint sound of amusement. "Nooo. You'd still be some kind of bird." He patted your back. "Don't worry I'll make sure to crawl out late so you can still be in time to eat me all up."

"... Are you propositioning me or telling me to hurry up?"

"Walk faster or I'll step on the backs of your shoes."

You did. The two of you walked faster and faster until you were all but chasing one another out of the park, laughing lightly as you dodged the spots of wet on the ground.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

a note on my commissions ~

so fun fact i hate making posts like this but i kinda have to. so.

over the last few months i have felt like Garbage. i have been chronically tired and exhausted. its been taking a very serious toll on me mentally (or the other way around? cant tell); i can be perfectly fine one minute and within the next hour i can barely communicate with or tolerate anyone else. my ocd has been impacting my daily life much more than usual to the point that has made functioning inside and outside of my home an immense struggle. it has taken up much of my mental space and makes focusing incredibly difficult. i believe this is also what has led me to stop drawing, stop enjoying drawing, and writing, too

i recently had a family emergency that required my full attention, and it made me realize just how exhausted i really am. it put me out of commission way more than it should have and it has been a nightmare catching up again. it's hard to tell if i am trying to get back at it too soon, or if there truly is something wrong, but it has made me realize that im pushing myself more than i need to

commissions have been a serious part of the stress ive been trying to ignore. im not great at "being chill," especially during an emergency, so instead of putting it on the backburner and separating my responsibilities, it all goes into one pot and boils over. with this said, i have a lot of changes coming in the next few months of this semester that will required my attention as well

so, for the next few months, ill be closing my commissions. of course i will honor current commissions--though they may take longer than normal--and event hosts please feel free to reach out to me in that time! theres always a chance ill be up to one or two, but, for now, its something i need to take off my plate as a full time responsibility

i dont tend to like these types of posts because i enjoy keeping my fandom life strictly for fandom, and i hate being perceived, but this has also been a way for me to admit these struggles to myself, which i hope will prove to be somewhat freeing

its hard to tell if i will be on less or more than normal. my characters have always been a place of creativity and escapism for me, but i also tend to use it as a distraction from my problems, which just leads to nothing getting done, which turns into more stress, and therefore more problems. i still of course will be around and be posting regularly, but it's hard to tell exactly how im going to go about all of this

thanks for reading if you got this far and i hope to be back to my regular art and fic posting soon (with the hope that im able to regain my time, energy, and love for those mediums)

[2bit-sunshine]

Hi everyone im danny and im feeling good for once in my twenties. Have been since about may. I cut off an old friend who mistreated my best friend. Ive helped my friends a ton. Im working on a security clearence for work. I am feeling much more confidant driving than i have ever. Ive bern socializing a lot and playing games like i used to. Ive been world building again and spending more time with my dog. Im working on my health and am actually confident in my body in a way i havent felt since i was thin as a waif. But i havent really lost a lot of weight.

The world is bleak and i worry and i hurt and i grieve all the people suffering out there. But right now my life actually feels. Worth it. My life is worth it. I havent thought about how id kill myself in months. I still dont have someone or someones to be intimate with and that hurts as it alwayd has. But im doing better

I am better

Idk. I really thought id be dead this time 12 years a go and i would be too dead to care about anything. I didnt think id be alive before i felt any kind of content or ambition to do more. But here i am. Im feeling content. And i want more too.

I know it sounds cliche at this point. But it does get better. I know it could get worse. But this feeling i have. This happiness? Its worth it. Its worth it to endure the bad times. Because while nothing lasts forever. The bad doesnt last forever either. I think part of it was acceptance of the things i had no power over and the things i could control, i have all the power to do so.

I alsl have amazing friends. I used to think people barely tolerated me and hated me. I spent years being told that if people didnt want me around they wouldnt have me around. I told myself it sometimes but never felt it. Never believed it.

But i do now. I believe it now. You gotta keep telling yourself those words of advice your loved ones give you. They will make sense one day. You will feel them when they are true. Your demons and shadows are not what defines you forever.

I worry so much for my friends who have such troubles still. I worry ill fall back into old habits. I worry some tragic thing is going to show me what im really made of. But it will be okay again. The sun will shine again. The spring will come again, however brief. The birds will sing again. The stars will always shine.

Idk. If youre reading this and having trouble. With yourself or your friends or your lovers or your family. It does get better. It might need time. It might be a long time. Its taken me over 2 decades to feel happy like i imagine i was as a child. And it hurt a lot along the way amd i made so manh mistakes amd fuck ups and lost friends and lovers.

Ive sat by while people get hurt. I wondered if i could even be forgiven for that.

The answer was yes. In a way. And sometimes it was no.

I cant change the past and some things shouldnt have happened. Shouldnt have at all. But they did and here we are. What to do now?

Forward. The only direction that really matters is forward. So forward i go. We go. Youll go.

The most important step is the next one.

You got this friends.

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

[honeekyuu]

hey this is the shy anon from the other day that read through your ao3 and i just wanted to stop in and say to take your time and don’t let these anons get to you. i know you’ve been writing on your ao3 for a while now but your tumblr is literally brand new and i’m honestly at a loss for words that you’re already getting rude anons and people pressuring you to post more.

you seem like a really busy gal and i’d hate for demands like that to burn you out. you’re doing amazing and don’t let anybody be an asshole to you. post what you want when you want/can, i’ve seen far too many people give up on fandom because they feel like they have to constantly churn out content to the detriment of their creativity and passion. you’re so talented and based on the frequency with which you’ve been writing in the last few months it seems like you have a fire in your soul for haikyuu. i hate seeing it taken for granted and i just wanted to let you know you have support in doing whatever the fuck it is you want.

(feel no obligation to reply to this, just wanted to offer some support after seeing such atrocious fandom etiquette literal days into the life of this blog)

wow, i really dont know what to say--

i saw this as soon as you sent it in, but i was honestly super shocked that id gotten it, so ive just been sitting here thinking ab it.

it means probably more than you realize that you sent something so kind. i've been writing for a long long time now (both here on a different blog and on ao3), and it's true that i am very busy, because unfortunately being a phd student and running experiments and spending all my time running back and forth between my advisors and conferences and the lab means i have a schedule thats not really a schedule, and i can never really say when or what im going to be inspired enough to write, enough that i can pull myself out of daily burnout. i experience writing droughts often, sometimes lasting up to a year before i feel the urge to sit down with a doc again. and i have a LOT of half-written fics that have never seen the light of day, which i plan to get back to eventually but which, in reality, may never get finished.

ive gotten so much love and support over the years, and it's brought me back to writing every time. i love haikyuu with my soul, and i think about my fics almost every day because i feel a burning need to write them. if not for anyone else, then just for me.

but this blog is brand new, so, even though that anon i received definitely tops the list of unfriendly comments ive gotten over the many years of writing, i wanted to be as kind and accommodating as possible. because i dont want people to think im ungrateful and will ignore criticism, because no one likes those kinds of writers. but i am also a person, and writing is hard, so i think i will continue to do things my way.

my writing style is this, for anyone who'd like to know: i am erratic, and i dont have an upload schedule, because i cant realistically manage one. i have periods of inactivity, because life is hard, and i have periods of hyperactivity, because i love this fandom and the way that haikyuu makes me feel in a life that's full of terrible feelings. this may annoy some people, and i can understand that. but i cant force myself to write if im not in a place to write, and i cant force myself to stick to one fic at a time, because then it'll be clear that it's been forced.

im extremely annoying and unhinged and feral and i will talk about several different fics and smaus and text threads and headcanons all within the same breath. but i will always write what i love, so if you'd like to see work that is well-loved, feel free to stick around.

thank you very much to everyone whos been so kind in my inbox tonight, and i hope to see you all tomorrow <3

[gayerthanevertbh]

Hi, u can call me l. I'm a Jap Filo who is currently living in Japan. A Carol stan and im new here.

I dont know how thise eorks but i usually read in ao3 and i saw people under comments that they interact eith the suthors more in tumblr so i msde one. And I happedn to came across your fic called: lights, camera, action only because i saw your icon which is natsha in bun and if I may ask are you planning to continue it?

I actually did experience the same thing as yours and I am really sorry you had to go through that. But mine was a lot different because it happened mostly online, I don't know how to put it but yeah. I was sent photos, videos, we made calls, she made me do things and have it sent to her online, I experienced it with my teacher in 7th grade; my Mom found out when we were about to migrate in Japan. We went to court once before I flew here and I actually forgot everything about it. But when I was in 10th grade evrything crashed back to me, I strted getting scared going to school also bullies here in Japan are worst. so I decided to work, I stopped studying.

Last year christmsd we flew back to the ph and the first news I got when I stepped in our van was I have to be attend a hearing because their side knew we were going back in home. I nver thought that the case was still on going after how many years. She even messaged me to show up in hearing, that she's sorry, she's building a family now and is 2 months pregnant and that at some point we have to put an end to it she said

But you know what? Nothing happened, I lost. My Mom couldn't pay the lawyer anymore and I had to go back here in Japan before the hearing could actually happen. I was so devastated, I only wanted her license to be revoked so she couldn't teach anymore. And ivee heard a lot of casesone from my friend back there in ph that if the teacher was caught or like reported harassing a student their license wouldn't be taken from them instead the school would just kick them out (it can be taken if the school are doing their job but gues what? Its Philippines. The system is fucked up, the justice is nowhere to be found if you lay under the lowest hierarchy). And funny thing my friend said, after they were kicked out they would always settle in the provinces there in PH, which I found very accurate because I found out that she moved in a suburban province in ph, i yhink its pampanga.

I could still remember how I lied being sick one sunday afternoon, my family are going to church that time so they left me to rest but I sneaked out and went to her place.

And also, the pandemic made much more worst. I started questioning everything, everything I receive and everything I feel. I remember saying, 'I love you' to her and the fact that when I went to the first hearing to find that I couldn't hate her. My cousins were explaining to me that it was wrong, she did something bad to me, but to me it was right it felt right. I never understood how court hearing lawyers works before but when I saw her I knew she has been crying, I could still remember her eyes fuck her look tht time it was the worst state of hers that I had ever seen and I knew from then that I want it to stop so I pleaded for my Mom not to go through the case and flying to Japan made me think that everything was finally over she wouldn't suffer anymore and so do I.

I even tried messaging one last time using the new account my Mom made me which she also had accessed that time, I risked it all but I never found her account it was already deleted i think

I never went to therapy, my Mom never sent me to one and I actually don't know if it'll help. But my friends in ph asked me to go to one and i also been working so i am considering it for a while and ive been also foing sh lately iwant yo go back yo school but my family back in ph eont let me.

I don't know why am I sharing this to you im actually crying while writing this. Because you know what? Until now, I still couldn't figure it out. Half of me still thinks that that was love and it's msking me sick that i was glad we werent able to bring everything back again in the court i fuvking hate it.

I don't know maybe i just wanted to find out your story, how your story went how you overcame everything. The freedom i would never feel.

I font know how this works i wish i could really talk to you.

I'm reall sorry

hi, i read through your message over and over again and im truly sorry. you have no idea how devastated i am for you, and i wish i could even hug you. please feel free to message me, talk to me if you want. im all ears for you. 🤍

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos​

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant​ was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave​ @vita-divata​

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant​ bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

[overlordchris]

More needless self reflection time.

The last 6 months have shown me that I really don’t care about a lot of things anymore.

Like, this as a whole sort of happened maybe 8ish years ago, I started to find it really hard to watch shows, finish video games, even read books, which up until that point was one of my favorite past times.

A common question on depression questionnaires is something along the lines of “have you lost interest or pleasure with things you used to enjoy”, which probably is a part of it, even though I can honestly say I’ve felt depressed since at least as far back as 12, that part of things never hit until a few years after I was in a relationship with my former partner.

In no way did it have anything to do with them, just to be clear, it just happened to coincide. Unfortunately.

I want to recapture my interests. Heck, I still have a longing for such things, it’s just that I can’t seem to get there whenever I try. I can only really describe it as with tv shows, there’s a growing uncomfortableness the more I watch, the more I’m invested, especially if it’s multiple episodes at a time. It’s sort of similar with games as well, though I think partly that’s more tied to them being great at getting my mind focused on something outside myself, so I dread them ending because once it ends, it will no longer be the mental relaxer it had been, opening the door for worse things to come back in.

Yes, it’s very nonsensical. Avoiding the game does the same thing with removing the mental relaxer, but at the very least, the gnawing anxiety isn’t there if I’m not constantly reminded as much. Out of site, out of mind. But of course, I still feel that longing curiosity to see it to the end.

Again, nonsensical.

But, as bad as it was/is, I’ve learned that what has kind of taken place is a desire to experience things, but with only with others.

Like Ive mentioned, I still have interest in a lot of things, but I for whatever reason don’t feel the motivation I guess to dive into most of them.

Movies are a great example. I like movies. I used to really like going to movie theaters and seeing all kinds of things, from small indie productions, to the mainstays we all know.

But, as much as I enjoy movies, over the years I’ve been less and less motivated to watch something, unless there’s someone else there with me.

Sure, there’s probably some social anxiety involved with say, going to a theater by myself, but more so I feel that it being a lonely experience is what really dissuades me. Not so much in the physical sense, but in the emotional ones.

The enjoyment I now find I get with doing most things is seeing the other person, or people in some cases (people I know and care about at least), enjoying the thing. It’s being able to share an experience that makes the experience itself worthwhile. Or maybe not worthwhile, but enough to get me motivated to actually do it? Maybe both?

Even as writing this I’m coming up with new theories. Like I just had the idea it’s maybe tied to me not wanting to let other people down? Honor my commitments? Thinking back to my recent failed relationship, when there were things I mentioned interest in, like movies I would have liked to go see, and my partner did not show any interest themselves, my motivation to try and see the movie would disappear. I still wanted to watch and experience the movie, it’s just, I’m pretty sure I wanted to share the experience.

Maybe it has something to do with acceptance? Like, if someone likes the same thing as me, and wants to experience something with me, it makes me feel like I matter to someone?

These are questions cause, I don’t know if I’m making actual self assessments, or just talking out of my ass. I can’t really trust my view on me cause I have a negative bias related to me. But, I’m gonna follow this a bit more.

I’ve always had a hard time fitting in with other people. It’s hard to describe, but generally my attempts at being intentionally social as a kid were very awkward. I always went I with a plan, and a goal. Maybe everyone does this and I was just bad at it? But when I meet someone, I’m actively studying them, what they’re saying, trying to find things out if maybe we have enough in common that I could then use that to convince them to have a good impression of me. Because I’m actively doing this in my head, I’m thinking and trying to listen at the same time, which causes me to miss some details when I am having a conversation. It also happens when it’s my turn to talk, where I try to think of what the best response would be, I sometimes stutter and/or flub my words because my mouth and voice cannot keep up with teleprompter style prepared response I’m trying express. Once the mistake has happened, my internal executive producer starts to scramble and try to formulate how to get back on track, fix the conversation, change it, all the while I’m still trying to finish getting through original response I had formulated.

Needless to say, I’m not good at conversation. Maybe people are able to detect that I’m more interested in trying to convince them I’m worthy of attention than just being friendly? Maybe it’s the fact I am terrible at turning my thoughts into words and I just come off as not actually knowing what I’m talking about (which is sometimes the case tbh)? Either/or, it’s something I’m very self aware that I’m not good with because my observation of others, which I do all the time (I’m a big eavesdropper) those conversations don’t feel as stiff or rehearsed.

Being so self aware, I’ve tried so so hard to try and make myself a better vocal communicator over the years. I’m definitely better than say 10 years ago, and I can’t tell you how bad it was back in my school days. Cringe.

That’s how I am with strangers, or people I don’t see often. In person, mind you. I think I’m pretty ok when I have the opportunity to write things out. Not great, but good enough.

With people I know, I still sort of do that analyzing and prepared responses, but the more comfortable I get with someone, the more excited I tend to get, you know? Like the fact they’ve come back to talk to me again (that’s not contractional or nefarious in nature) I tend to go off teleprompter script and shoot from the hip. But, in this case, I often become more… overbearing I think fits with what I’m thinking? I tend to talk a lot, get louder, I’m more animated with my gestures, I interrupt when tangentionala ideas or subjects come to mind, and often share with less of a filter on. This has often worn down those who maybe get passed the introduction phase, and as time moves on and I’m not able to reign things in properly, they end up leaving.

This entire conversational analysis tangent was to show that when I do find someone I like and start to feel comfortable with, it makes me feel accepted. Wanted even. I think ultimately that’s what I seek, feeling wanted, desired, important, accepted, all these different but similar meaning words in the different kinds of relationships they can apply to. Whereas I’ve seemed to have grown disinterested in a lot of things, when someone shows interest in me, it helps to motivate me to get up and get out there.

Is that codependency? I’ll have to look into that. I mean this all sort of feels like it’s a bad thing most ways you swing it. I could be considered a parasite of some sort, living off the joy and excitement of others? Parasites need hosts to survive because they cannot produce whatever necessary factor on their own. That’s kind of what I feel like I am.

I think why DnD has kept my interest when other things have fallen off is that it gives me that sort of accepted feeling. The people in the group all share a similar interest, and they keep allowing me to come back. That’s basically it. I’m pretty easy like that. I even went the next step and ran a few games for them because I was essentially wanting to share something of my own creation (the campaign specifically in this case), something I had put my “me-ness” into, and they continued to take part.

This isn’t to say I didn’t experience my manic phase with them. I had, and it did come close to me losing the group with how much I was pissing people off (not in a way you might think that typically comes of TTRPG horror stories, just more so with my high octane, low filter energy clashing with people just wanting to have a chill time). Thankfully I was able to reign myself back in enough that things were able to be smoothed over.

I’ve been a tad more distant with that group since, and hey, now that it’s been 6 months since my relationship ended, they’re still the only group of people still around. Everyone I knew I real life has ghosted me or were taken along with my ex. All that are left are the people I’m actively trying to keep at arms distance. I wish I could bond deeper with some of them, but I can’t. The more me someone gets, the less patient they become.

I’ve wanted to believe that I could find someone, or someones who I could feel comfortable enough to be effortlessly myself around, but I just can’t seem to. I don’t want to settle anymore, but because of that, I don’t want to even try anymore. I’m too much, I can’t change, and in some ways, I don’t even want to change. I want to just be me, with someone else who wants to be with just me.

Maybe there is someone out there who could vibe perfectly with me. But what are the odds I’d ever meet them? With the only case study to go off of being myself, slim to none.

[purplesurveys]

1778

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? That's the way my days flow on weekends, for the most part. The only reason I've been more out and about lately is because my dad's home and we do tend to go out as a family more when that's the case.

But, yes. Embracing getting older also means increasingly enjoying my time at home and having no agenda.

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? I do it all the time – it's revenge bedtime procrastination and I stick with it whether weeknight or weekend.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I've never seen any bit of that show before.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Nah.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? That was the time I attempted to join Leni Robredo's thanksgiving rally last year. I just needed to drive the same distance from my house to university, but my time in the car ended up being 5 hours because apparently the whole of Metro Manila was headed the same way. Suffice it to say I missed the entire event and just made the most out of my efforts to drive out by going out for drinks with friends instead.

Best field trip experience? All my favorite field trips were the ones that were museum-heavy. In Grade 5 we went to Intramuros and 2-3 other museums in the area; in freshman year of high school we went to two museums in Makati.

Have you ever been to New York City? I have not.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? I know it's not the urban fairytale the movies make it out to be but I'd still love to have the chance to visit.

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I don't know about individual meals, but my biggest bill was when I took my family to Blackbird and everything came up to a bit over 10k.

What museums have you visited, if any? Well, a lot. I like museums and I even try to visit at least one when I have vacations overseas.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Yes that was quite common especially in college.

What’s your worst traveling experience? It was a plane trip headed to Kuala Lumpur and there was a horrible fucking toddler who cried (read: shrieked) the whole 4 hours. It got increasingly loud and reached an untolerable climax during the latter part when the family needed to strap it in its own seat. I think I may have shed a tear or two myself towards the end...

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Idk I was never a big gamer even of the Sims so I don't really have a favorite.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? We've only had noisy neighbors once but tbh we just let them be because as Filipinos we're largely nonconfrontational. Plus those neighbors moved out after only a few months so things turned out fine.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Oh there were a lot! Students these days are very fortunate that the world has softened for them, because in my time it was very common for teachers to wind up being the bullies, and for complaints about them to land in deaf ears. In Grade 4 I had a science teacher who took every opportunity to embarass me publicly; in Year I my history teacher always looked like she wanted to pinch the shit out of me lol; and in Years III and IV I had an English teacher who made me feel like she was always wishing I wasn't her student.

I'm grateful for the memories I made with my friends in that school, but were the elders and system absolutely awful. Transferring into a liberal and progressive university was the easiest non-adjustment I had to go through.

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Not a big fan of muffins. I've had a few chocolate ones but nothing has stood out to be the best.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Nope.

If so, was it required? That is not a thing here.

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I don't know...maybe an accumulated 1 hour a day? I go through FB multiple times daily but it's always in very very quick checkins.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? I'm okay with algebra and statistics, but I've never understood the point of geometry and that directly translates to how I struggled with the subject in high school haha.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It's fun when I find a K-pop fan because we can automatically relate on so many things. We don't even have to both like BTS; the K-pop fan culture is enough to start hours' worth of conversation and jokes. Other than that it's impossible to find local Beyoncé, Paramore, or punk rock fans so I kind of just wander those worlds on my own lol.

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? I'm not sure about frequency but that's something I'll sometimes do when I can't bring myself to give a crap about work tasks. I'm done showing passion in every single thing because I'm super burned out at this point.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Not necessarily, but some of them made me just ask a bunch of questions about the way they treated me. Like why did they hate me so much? Why do they seem so miserable so as to target their own students? stuff like that.

How reliable is your internet connection? We've actually been out of internet since Thursday and our service provider has been very useless and helpless and scum of the earth, so I've been using data since then and 100% worsening my phone battery.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes. Work is not everything and if I can't be in a particular meeting or event, it's not the end of the world and I'm done feeling guilty about the whole thought of being absent lol.

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Work.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? There was one time I had to pull up an all-nighter for a project, and unsurprisingly it was a group project. Like of course it would be a project that involved other people, because if it was a solo thing there never would have been a need for me to stay up all night. That gig soured me from group projects for the rest of college.

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? I do have them.

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? It'd be refreshing but idk, I've had glasses for 14 years now. It's a part of my identity and how people remember me that I'll always choose to have them on, even if I had the opportunity to undergo some magical procedure that'd totally fix my eyesight.

How many vegetarians do you know? Less than 10.

Have you ever considered going to art school? Kind of. I passed an art management program in one of the universities I applied to, but chose to go to my dream school instead.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? No.

How quickly can you write an essay? Probably an hour if you gave me enough background info to work with, and time to research.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Never fell asleep while in school.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Sure! I was for Paramore. I guess I was too for Se So Neon but that was sort of a given since it was a much smaller show and it had been very easy to squeeze my way to the front.

What bug frightens you most? Cockroaches, bees, and wasps.

Are your parents supportive of you? My dad is. Idk what to think of my mom's form of support. It seems she shows it when it benefits her or when it's something she can show off in social media. I stopped looking for validation from her a long time ago.

How often do you take the train to go places? I don't.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations Sure.

Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No.

[shadendesire]

I hate doing these but because it came up on another platform, I might as well get it out of the way here too.

My name is Joni, a mid 30s trans girl & I have stage IV cancer.

Specifically cancer of the appendix. I have been fighting it for over 5 years now. Means I have been more fortunate than most in my situation. But at some point it will win.

Honestly each day I have is a miracle. Fact that in the past few years I have had to be resuscitated more than once drove this home for me.

I have had to move twice to get care in that time, lost all savings and racked up debts on both credit cards and with others. The insurance I had during the first both initial treatments and the recurrence was not the best. I had to in fact pay for the entire second treatment out of pocket, save for minor care. It’s taken a lot of help and work, but I am finally down to the last 25k I have left on the debt there.

Unfortunately after having to move across the country two and a half months early due to how unsafe the souther US was getting, eating through what savings I had there, & starting a new job where my insurance has not kicked in yet things got bad last week when my health took a turn.

I had to wind up staying overnight in the hospital, paying for meds, and follow ups while being out of work for nearly a week. This unfortunately with being out of work for a week has put me in a tricky spot. Especially with rent on both the new and last of the old place coming up on the first.

Right now I am scrounging around trying to find as much as I can. But I need to figure out a minimum of $750 or not sure what I am going to do.

If any one might be able to spare even a little bit, share, or even keep me in your thoughts, I would be so eternally grateful.

Thank you all so much even for reading this.

paypal.me/jonicarrigen?l

[horce-divorce]

Hi this is super interesting so I hope you don't mind if I ask a few questions? ive done a ton of research and talked to many other MALS patients in the last few years but there's still so little we know about it, and I have absolutely never heard of any cases "self-correcting"? I don't doubt you, I just wonder how? Did you have the MALS diagnosis and imaging done previously, before it corrected, so that you could compare afterwards once it did that? Do you know if you did anything treatment- or behavior-wise during that period (even for other conditions) that may have contributed to the self-correction?

I've heard of less invasive measures that can be taken, and I've heard of doctors manually rerouting the veins during surgery, but thats all. Everything I can find/have been told suggested that MALS is something structural that you're pretty much born with/at risk for, and it either hurts you eventually and with increasing intensity, or it doesn't- but it's so much more complex than that, and it might have autoimmune components, apparently. The risk factors you mentioned are absolutely things that can set off a MALS attack for me (ie will make me start cyclically vomiting and not stop til I'm a dehydrated husk of a man), I have not understood them to be risk factors for developing MALS itself, but I've wondered, especially for people with EDS and other wonky tissue disorders.

I've heard of vascular compressions moving or changing after surgery so the fact that you developed it after surgery definitely tracks, I've just not heard of another case developing and then correcting! That's wild!!

There are a LOT of conditions that are comorbid with MALS, such as POTS and EDS. A lot of MALS patients wonder if underlying EDS (undiagnosed or otherwise) could be the original cause for the MAL being misplaced, since it is a slipped ligament, after all. A few doctors of patients in my MALS Pals FB group have started exploring the possibility of MALS having an autoimmune component, but there's no published literature on it yet that I can find, unfortunately.

I'm apparently an "atypical" MALS case, and the only reason I can think of is because it's progressed SO far without intervention. My symptom onset was at 9yrs old, it worsened to the point of daily vomiting and nonstop pain when I was 21. I wouldn't be diagnosed for 10 more years. But I started smoking weed around age 21/22, and I actually once had a brief period where I wasn't smoking weed AND my MALS improved for about 6 months. Not "on its own," though, I was taking a strict regimen of supplements and had escaped a horrifically traumatic and stressful condition which absolutely had made my symptoms worse. But it did seemingly improve "spontaneously" after a few years- and then ultimately my condition began to decline again.

I get good periods and bad periods. A lot of my MALS Pals (group on FB) agree that there are flares, times when it's Bad, and times when it's Much Much Worse, but there's pretty much no times when it's just Good and easy to manage. I have periods where it flares less, and where I'm able to manage it more easily and live slightly more normally, but these are brief periods and likewise certainly not spontaneous. It always flares back up. I've been self medicating for over a decade, constantly trying to find new habits that will either make my symptoms better or worse, and adjusting as needed. It's only progressed, no matter how much progress I make with my own care.

I've also heard of one vascular compression causing MORE subsequent vascular compressions, especially when one is addressed surgically (described as kinks moving through a hose). I've never heard of a vascular compression or a pinched nerve correcting itself spontaneously. Again, not doubting you, just very curious!

Everything I find about MALS increasingly impresses the urgency and the rather poor prognosis. Everything Ive read and everyone ive talked to with it attest that it only gets worse if left untreated. Vascular compressions can be incredibly serious and complex. ALL of your organs need blood to function, and although my doctors (who were shite) tried to insist that "MALS isn't dangerous," the amount of pain it causes is by itself a HUGE suicide risk factor- and that's to say nothing of how the lack of circulation can cause more compressions, edema, blood clots, aneurysms, and even necrosis, nor to say anything of the psychological ramifications of being dismissed so thoroughly, nor even ANYTHING about the malnutrition and extreme weight loss and related side effects that come with that.

I don't mean to be contrary. It's just that if I've learned one thing repeatedly from other MALS patients, its that MALS is not the harmless, innocuous, mysterious tummyache that doctors make it out to be, and that's something I really want to impress on people, as well. Vascular issues are no joke. I've had many, many fellow patients beg and plead with me to seek surgery- which isn't that simple bc I was told I'm not a candidate for it. My pain is "too severe to be MALS" lmao can you believe it? After a lifetime of being dismissed and ignored, that the disease characterized by severe pain might become a More Severely Painful Disease, if left untreated? I know, I ough to lay off the WebMD and go put on my tinfoil hat! /s

I've spent a lifetime being told my pain wasn't real, that it was all in my head, that I was just crying wolf. Usually when I joined support groups (like for POTS or Lyme, when I thought I had that), it was comforting to meet other people who understood my symptoms. But when I met other MALS patients I had no idea what I was in for, I had no idea how much pain they'd be in and how sick most of them would already be. And as much as it did scare me at first, my doctors WILDLY undersold the nature of this condition to me, likely because they didn't want me to be their problem and pursue surgery, and because doctors routinely undersell the nature of chronic pain. (They already had really poor surgical outcomes there, so taking me on likely wouldn't have benefitted either of us. But still, leaving me to fend for myself wasn't the ONLY alternative.)

So yeah. Im not trying to be like, "source?" Self-correcting just has simply NOT been my experience and I haven't heard anyone else say that, either (not that we have a huge sample pool here- and cases can be atypical, I should know!). Even despite the amazing head start I seem to have (10+ years of symptoms without a feeding tube, yet), and even though I've had better periods off and on, the MALS always comes back worse for me in the end. It's steadily progressed over time, especially after periods where it seemed to let up, or where i seemed to be stable and have it relatively under control. Always came back with a vengeance.

To reiterate, the reason I'm intrigued is not because I don't believe you, it's that, BECAUSE of the nature of dismissal we face from doctors who don't want to take on patients with "atypical," complex, chronically painful disorders, I've been really dedicated to trying to find ways to live with it and reduce pain as much as possible without/before surgical intervention. Nobody else seems to be doing this. A few doctors worldwide are looking at surgical methods and outcomes, but even the ones leading MALS research have a lot of shortcomings in what they're doing and looking at. It seems like nobody is trying to help us survive outside of surgical interventions- or even after surgery, if you have varied outcomes.

A lot of MALS patients seek surgery ASAP, and although I'm not here to tell anyone when your own symptoms have become unbearable, I personally don't have high hopes for surgical outcomes for myself, and I don't wanna fuck w "major abdominal surgery with 1+ year recovery time" until the last possible moment. A lot of people get their lives back after MALS release, but just as many seem to have pain that persists after the fact, and they just get doubly dismissed because they fixed the MALS, so that can't be thier problem anymore. I dont want that. I don't think I can stave off surgery forever, but I'd like to try for as long as I can.

So yeah, thus far, the only things I've found that mildly improve my symptoms are:

Cannabis. Would not be alive without it and lots of other MALS patients attest to this too- but like any medication, it's certainly not for everyone, so ymmv. But it's the only way I can eat even relatively comfortably

Treating my POTS/lots of fluids and salt. I had POTS onset before my MALS got worse. When I'm not drinking enough water/intaking enough salt and my pots/presyncope is really bad, my MALS also gets worse

Watching my posture as you mentioned, not wearing tight clothes or leaning on/over my stomach or scrunching down for long periods of time. Sometimes standing up or lying down to eat helps

Alternating between a low-residue diet and liquid diet. aka lots of processed foods, because my guts don't have enough blood to process whole foods fully. Ice cream, white bread/crackers, cereal, salty chips/ramen

Stepping up gradually back to solid food. Sometimes I flare up and have to do only liquids for a while. I have to start with Carnation shakes/yogurt/ice cream/soup for DAYS before I can work up to crackers/chips, bread, then gradually other solid foods over time. Over the course of days or weeks I may be able to get back to eating raw fruits/veggies/nuts, processed meat, and other hearty, nutritious and filling things, which are often the most painful foods for me to digest otherwise- but I have to take gradual steps back to solid food, because if I don't, I'll get a MALS attack and have to start from scratch

Eating excessively slowly. Like as in taking an hour to eat 1 children's tube of gogurt type of slow. Like as in, it takes me about 4 hours to fully eat a child's sized portion of any meal, and then I need another 2-4 hours to recover from the subsequent pain and headache. Eating is literally just an all-day activity. I have to do other stuff around it. I get 1 meal a day in if I'm lucky

Opiates

And that's what I got so far.

But a lot of other MALS patients jump right to surgery, or they are already on long-term pain blockers and opiates and past this point, which I don't blame them for because again, if I didn't have weed, I'd be dead. I just don't have access to that stuff, and i cant go for the long-term opiate route because i need the weed. I'm absolutely already in an unbearable and unsustainable level of pain and nausea and I have been for years, I just don't have any choice but to keep treating it myself. I SHOULD have been referred for pain blockers and further consultation but the U of Mich are FAR from the gold standard on many complex care issues, it seems. And regardless, even if they had referred me, I'd still be homeless now and that would obviously present some issues.

Anyway thanks for your addition and I hope you don't mind my further rambling/questions. it's pretty hard to find other folks who even know what MALS is outside of a dedicated group and I can't stand using FB or Reddit, so it's refreshing to see replies from someone who even knows what it is.

I am just really interested in getting any info I can get my hands on from people who HAVE had more success in managing it, because so far its seemed really bleak and I hate that for us.

so for anyone who's missed this convo since it's still relatively fresh even for me:

I spent over a decade searching for answers to my gastrointestinal pain & dozens of other symptoms only to be dismissed time and time again.

I finally got diagnosed when my gastro said "your GI stuff keeps coming back normal, but has anyone looked at your veins yet?" I was ultimately referred to a vascular surgeon and diagnosed with MALS, something I had never heard of in my decade of research and being a guinea pig.

If you have chronic, debilitating symptoms that seem to revolve heavily around your stomach and guts, but that doesn't actually show up on any testing, look into vascular compressions. (MALS, NCS, and SMAS are 3 that I know of.)

Yeah so it turns out all of your organs need blood to work properly, and when they aren't getting enough, a lot of weird stuff can happen. It's considered rare and is very poorly understood, but a lot of MALS patients were at the end of our ropes after years of being told it was all in our heads, only to find out, no, actually, my stomach is having what is effectively a heart attack when I try to eat- however technically speaking my stomach isn't the issue, it's the blood flow to it.

don't give up on answers just because they aren't readily available. I shouldn't have had to wait 10 years, but it's still worth it after all this time to know for sure, and to have some idea of how to prepare for the future. the human body is exceptionally complex and weird and so is the world we live in, a lot of things can go wrong with a body and we don't even know all of them yet.

[havin-a-wee]

If Only She Knew

pairing: dad!harry x cheerleader!reader

word count: 4.2k

warnings: smut (fingering + unprotected sex), cheerleading position implies readers weight, 20 year age gap

hi! ive been having some really bad writers block but i wrote this and even though its def not my best work i like it enough to post it :) also, i totally didn't mean to imply the readers weight, i only realized afterwards, so im really sorry about that. also the age gap is kinda big, so if ur uncomfy with that you shouldn't read this <3

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY

“Geez watch where you’re going!”

You don’t even look up at the girl, recognizing her nasally voice easily from how annoying it is. You were nose deep in a book while walking down the school hallway, and of course your worst enemy had to be walking down the same hallway, at the same time, in the opposite direction. You are both at fault for the collision, considering Ella had her eyes locked on her instagram feed. But knowing the girl, there is no way in hell that she will take any responsibility, even though you are the one who has coffee dripping down the front of your white blouse.

Since middle school, Ella Styles has always hated you. You have never known why, but she seems to have a vendetta against you, and tries her best to make your life miserable. You never let her, always refraining from giving her the explosive reaction that she was looking for. And that makes her hate you even more.

High school is over in 2 months, and although you are going to miss the freedom of being a child, you most definitely won’t miss the people from the tiny town you’ve lived in since you were young. You’ve always been the type of person to have a small friend group, only 4 people in your circle. But that’s how you like it, because crippling social anxiety makes it difficult for you to meet new people.

“I- sorry.” You still don’t look at her, instead peeling the soaking wet top off of your stomach.

“You better be sorry.” She flips her blonde hair, ensuring that the fluffy locks hit you right in the face. You are lucky this time seeing as she didn’t take it further, because sometimes she would purposely embarrass you after small incidents such as this one.

Tears well at your waterline and you run into the nearest bathroom, pushing open the blue door and locking yourself in a stall.

After all these years of torment, Ella rarely was able to get to you. But sometimes, she does something that pushes you off the edge, leaving you with red, tear-stained cheeks. The final straw this time was her ruining your brand new shirt, the one you were anxiously waiting to debut at school.

But now there was coffee dripping down your chest and staining the bright white fabric. Your only saving grace is the cheerleading uniform in your backpack. In fact, you were walking to the locker room to change for practice, and then for the game at 6 tonight.

You had been excited for the game, knowing that Friday night games always led to parties and fun afterwards. You rarely go to parties of course, but the buzzing energy never fails to rub off on you. But now that stupid Ella had to go and mess up your day, you’re dreading seeing her smug face while she asserts her dominance as cheer captain.

You untie your top and rip it off in a haste, frustrated tears running down your face periodically. You could’ve put a jacket on and gone to the locker room, but Ella would be going there soon, and the last thing you want to do is run into her with teary eyes. She can’t know that you let her get to you.

You brush your hands down your uniform, pulling down the skimpy costume and stuffing your old clothes in your backpack. Once out of the stall, you pull your hair up into a high ponytail, reapply your lip gloss and walk back into the hallway, having already done your makeup that morning. You’re happy that it’s a home game today, because the home game uniforms are two pieces and the skirts are smaller than the ones on the away game uniforms. There is a certain someone you are looking to impress, and the way your tits spill out from the top of the outfit will most certainly help you in your mission.

It’s not like you need to impress him, because he’s shown time and time again that he finds you sexy no matter what you wear. And when he doesn’t tell you, he shows you, by pressing his hard on up against your ass after you just woke up, despite your messy hair and bare face.

However, he also loves when you tease him. And that’s exactly what you’re planning to do.

You sling your heavy backpack over one shoulder and trudge down the hallway, the old fluorescent lights practically blinding you on your journey. The locker room is dingy, smelling of cheap soap and Victoria’s Secret perfume. At least it doesn’t smell like the boys locker room, which smells like sweat and more sweat.

It's already bustling with people, your teammates scrambling to get ready in time as to not get yelled at by the coach.

“Y/N!” The familiar shout of your best friend Rose is like a breath of fresh air, and you bound over to her. She’s standing in front of your lockers, the two of you obviously picking ones next to each other. “Wait, why are you already changed?”

“The bitch spilled her coffee all over me,” you grumbled, your eyes shifting over to where Ella and her little goons are giggling.

“I keep telling you, anytime you want me to beat her up I will gladly do it.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities Rose, because I know you would have her on the ground in a heartbeat, but I can’t let you do that. She can’t know that she upsets me.” You lower your voice for the second sentence, irrationally fearing that she can hear you over the loud chatter echoing through the room.

“I still think you should let me beat her up, but you do you I guess.” Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her locker, bursting out into laughter with you after a beat of silence.

The rest of the getting ready process goes smoothly, Rose distracting you from the girl side-eyeing you in the corner. Soon enough, the whole squad was in formation outside, and you have your hands on the shoulders of Rose and another girl named Bethany. You are a flyer, meaning that you’re the one who the bases support while you pose and flip in the air. Its a hard job, but you are one of only three girls on the team who is advanced enough at flying to be safe doing it in routines. One of the other three girls is Ella.

Ella is the flyer for the middle group, seeing as she is the captain. You are on the right and the other group is on the left. Luckily, Rose is a base in your group, so you feel a lot better putting your safety in the hands of someone you already trust with your life.

“ELLA! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!” Coach Habbiths voice is piercing, her angry shrieks bouncing off your ear drums. Ella audibly huffs, displaying her frustration with the critiques she has been receiving since we learned the routine weeks ago. That’s one of the biggest problems with Ella, she believes that she's always right.

Every single practice she has done a needle instead of a scale at the end of the routine. It's aggravating for everyone, and that frustration is amplified everytime she makes the same mistake over and over. “Alright, everyone down. group 1 and group 3 take five, Ella and group 2 stay on the field.

The team obliged to her instructions, and you are brought down from the air.

“Okay Ella, I want you to watch how Y/N does the last move, because she’s actually doing it correctly.” Coach is standing in front of you now, and she emphasized the word ‘correctly’. This is much to Ella’s dismay, and much to your excitement.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing Ella’s face when you one up her, and this time is no exception.

Aside from a few eye rolls and nasty looks, Ella corrects the move without much fuss. By now there's 15 minutes until the game, and the players have been warming up on the field for about half an hour.

“Did you see her face!” Rose tugs on your arm while you walk back to the locker room, water bottles in hand.

“I know! I should’ve taken a picture!”

“We can only hope that it knocked her ego down a peg.”

“I doubt it” Rose nodded in agreement and you continued your chatter, talking about the random things that best friends talk about.

“It’s go time ladies!” You jumped in surprise when Coach Habbiths yelling booms through the locker room, the hefty amount of metal in the room enhancing the echo.

In a blur, your entire team rushed out onto the field, the crisp air cooling your warmed skin. There was a huge crowd. probably the biggest the teams ever had. But that makes sense, because this game was against your school's biggest rival. Luckily, despite the huge crowd you were able to lock eyes with those piercing green irises you have gotten to know so well over the past couple months. Everytime you see him he gets more and more attractive, and this time is no exception.

At this point, the teams routine is muscle memory and you’re done with it before you can blink. Most people would think that being thrown in the air is memorable, but your main concern is the growing wet patch on your panties that spreads each time you squeeze your thighs together. Just the thought of the man is enough to turn you on, and now that you’re sitting on the cold metal bench your imagination has time to go wild.

The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the eruption of appaulause from the audience, and the realization that the other cheerleaders were standing up and running towards the players. You breath out a sigh of relief, recognizing the cheering as a signal that the game has ended.

“Hey, you coming?” Rose tugs on your arm, looking down at you still on the bench.

“Um, actually I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to go home.”

“I should’ve known. You know, one day you’re going to have to go to a party.” Rose places her hands on her hips, giving you a sarcastically annoyed stare.

“And today is not that day.” You grab your backpack and sling it over your shoulder, turning back to Rose for a second. “Have fun and be safe.”

“I always do.” Rose places a chaste kiss on your cheek before turning back to the gathering crowd on the turf.

Instead of heading to the sidewalk and walking home, you duck under the bleachers and walk down the gravel path, pushing open the fence that separates the field and the school. The contents of your backpack slosh around while you sway your hips as you walk. Finally, you make it to the back wall of the school, leaning your back against it and plopping your heavy backpack down by your feet.

And now you wait.

Much to your convenience, the wait this time isn’t long, only five minutes passing before you see the familiar man following the same path you did earlier.

He has a pair of brown slacks on, pressing against his waist courtesy of his black belt. A button up white shirt hides the tattoos on his stomach, but he's rolling up his sleeves as he walks over to you. He's walking with intention, hungry eyes zeroed in on you.

When he’s only steps away, you cheekily bite your lip and use your finger to push up your skirt a little bit more.

Your actions have the intended effect, his eyes blowing wide and hands grasping at your waist.

“Y’can’t do that.”

Before you have a chance to ask what he means, his lips collide with yours, his tongue slipping in only moments after the initial kiss. But as soon as he started, he pulls away.

“Y’can’t be teasing me on the field like tha’, had me hard next t’my friends.” His hand is on the wall above your head, and his other arm is wrapped around your waist pulling you into his chest. He’s panting, and you are too.

“Sorry Mr. Styles,” you push your bottom lip out in a pout, giving him the most innocent look possible. “Just wanted to wear it cause I know how much you like it.”

“Aw, my babygirl wore this f’me? Well I guess y’can be forgiven. Now let’s get t’my house before I fuck yeh right on this wall.” He places a soft kiss to your lips picking up your backpack from the floor and turning to the direction of his car.

“But it hurts!” He turns around again, giving you a sympathetic look and caressing your cheek. The rings on his fingers are cold, but you’re used to the feeling.

“I know sweet girl, but I can’t take care of yeh here, s’too risky.” He pauses for a moment, thinking of a solution to your not so little problem. “How bout I give y’my fingers in the car? Hows that sound hm?” You nod eagerly, pulling his hand down from your cheek and holding it. He takes the signal and begins walking to his car while you follow him.

You never planned to sleep with your bullies dad. But a few months ago your parents dragged you to a family friends housewarming party, and that friend happened to be a friend of Harry’s too. There were no other teenagers there, so your focus was on the attractive older man who had been checking you out since you first locked eyes, and after ending up in the upstairs bathroom together the two of you have been fucking at least twice a week. You only learned that he’s a dad when you saw him for the first time outside the party. He didn’t look the part, and you actually thought he was in his 20s until he corrected you. He’s 38, having become a parent at only 20 years old. Your relationship is a bit taboo, but you’re a mature 18 year old and you and Harry get along well. So well that your time together has developed from casual sex to a mutually exclusive relationship. (Neither of you like labels, but you’re basically boyfriend and girlfriend).

He makes you really happy, and when you have to face off against Ella, it helps knowing that you have power over her, even though she doesn’t know it.

“Did she do anything today?” Harry is walking beside you, hands still intertwined.

“Besides spilling coffee on my shirt, nothing much.” Harry sighs in frustration and squeezes your hand as a show of affection.

“M’so sorry, I wish y’didn’t ‘ave to deal with her.”

The thing about Harry and Ella is they can barely be considered family. Ella’s mom is, for lack of a better word, a bitch. She’s snobby, conceited, and rude, and those behaviors have rubbed off on Ella. Another thing that rubbed off on her was her mom’s hatred for Harry. Being young parents put strain on their already struggling relationship, and they split before Ella’s first birthday. Harry said he tried his best to make it work for Ella’s sake, but her mom was looking for someone to pay for her life, and Harry had just started working his way up as a businessman.

Now, he’s a CEO, but luckily Ella’s mom already found a new beau with plenty of money, so she didn’t come crawling back to him. However, the success Harry achieved only a few years after their breakup made her jealous, and so she instilled that anger in their daughter. So currently Ella spends most of her time with her mother, and when she is with Harry she doesn’t treat him kindly.

“It’s not your fault Harry, you don’t have to apologize for her actions.”

“I know, I jus’ hate tha’ she treats yeh like that.” He sighs again, reaching into his pocket to grab his keys. In a few more steps you’re standing outside the sleek black suv, walking around to the passenger seat and sliding in once you hear the click of the door unlocking.

You both take a few seconds to breathe, an unspoken gesture to prepare for the night's events. Harry turns to you, a sexy smirk plastered on his face. “What d’ya think about fixin’ that ache darlin?” You nod eagerly, sliding down a bit in your seat to give your legs room to spread. “Think yeh can take off y’skirt fo’me?” Your head bobs once again as you nod, hooking your fingers under the elastic waistband and shimmying out of the skirt. While you’re doing that, Harry turns the car into the deserted street, using only one hand to steer.

You toss the tiny skirt into his lap, giving him a signal without distracting his eyes from the road. He reacts immediately, his free hand coming down to squeeze your thigh. You mewl at the contact and bite down on your lip, trying to stop your hips from bucking up in search of relief. His squeezes move up your thigh, and finally his fingers press against your weeping cunt. Swiftly, he pushes your soiled panties to the side, swiping his fingers up your folds collecting your juices. You shriek and buck your hips up into his hand, but much to your dismay he removes it from between your thighs. The car comes to a stop at a red light, and Harry takes the moment to look at you, his eyes wandering your squirming body. He’s practically drooling when he places his fingers in his mouth, tasting your sweet wetness.

“Sorry pup, jus’ needed t’taste yeh.” He chuckles again, and you whine softly in desperation. In one quick motion, he dives his hand back to your pussy, pressing his thumb on your swollen clit.

“Fuck!” The pleasure shoots up your spine, goosebumps raising across your body as he rubs circles on the puffy button. “Harry- please,”

“What d’ya want puppy? Want m’fingers?”

“Yes, yes,” you breathe out, words barely comprehensible through your panting.

“Alright, alright, I gotcha.” And with that his two fingers press into you, filling your tight hole perfectly. There is no hesitation before he begins pumping the digits in and out of you and his thumb never lets up on your bundle of nerves. “Such a needy puppy, got yeh soaking f’me from out in the stands hm?” His eyes are still on the road, but you can picture the lust filled eyes that are undoubtedly on his face.

“Get so wet jus- just thinkin’ about you,” you gasp, writhing as his fingers slam in and out of you.

“Yeah? This is my cunt, m’the only one who can make yeh this wet, isn’t tha’ right?”

“Only Harry.” At your confirmation he speeds his hand up, your vision clouding with white spots as the knot building in your stomach grows tighter and tighter.

All of a sudden, he pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you empty. “Wha-” You begin to question him but you realize that he’s pulling into his driveway. Instead of complaining, you sit up quickly and unbuckle your seatbelt, pulling your skirt back up your legs to avoid being nude on his front lawn.

As soon as you feel the little jolt your hand yanks on the handle and you hop out of the car. Your brain is fuzzy with need and all you are focused on is alleviating the aching between your thighs. You hear Harry lock the car while you're on the steps, and you turn back to ensure that he’s behind you. And sure enough, he’s hot on your trail, just as eager as you to get inside and onto his bed. Your foot is tapping on the ground anxiously, waiting for Harry to unlock the front door. After what seems like an hour, he is next to you again, fumbling with the silver keychain in his hand, eventually unlocking and pushing open the door. You both practically run inside, hands roaming each other's bodies and lips locking as you shuffle through the hall.

You disconnect breathlessly when you reach the stairs, subconsciously wrapping your hands around Harry’s neck so he can pick you up bridal style. He does so hastily, barely a second passing before he’s plopping you onto the fluffy mattress. “Finally,” he pants, hands fumbling with his belt buckle. There’s a prominent bulge in his trousers, and although you’ve seen it plenty, you are always in awe at how thick and big he is. While he’s busy removing his clothes, you are practically drooling at the sight of his bare cock, full, heavy, and dripping precome.

“Harry?”

He looks back down at you with his emerald green eyes, simultaneously dropping his recently-removed shirt on the floor. “Can I ride you?” The look he gives you is indescribable, a mixture of need, lust, cockiness, and beauty all rolled up into one.

“Whatever y’want puppy,” His hands scoop under your ass, and he lifts you up and switches your positions. Now it’s your turn to undress, and Harry makes himself busy by running his hands up and down your torso. “So gorgeous, y’know that?” You nod quickly then pull your shirt off of your head. “Most beautiful girl in the world I reckon.” You blush at the compliment, butterflies being added to the many sensations occuring in your body. You straddle his thighs, wrapping your hand around his length and tugging a few times. A loud groan rumbles through his throat, and you smile knowing you’re the one who made him feel like that. “Thought- thought yeh said y’wanted to ride me pup.”

“I do.” You keep your hand on his cock, sitting up on your knees and lining him up with your weeping cunt. All at once, your body is put at ease as his cock fills you up perfectly. He bottoms out inside of you, both of you moaning and groaning while you adjust. “So big-” Your words come out in choppy pants, the syllables being cut off by your heaves. You suck in one deep breath and move upwards, sinking back down onto him quickly. His large hands hold a tight grip on your waist, guiding you up and down his member. His lips attach to your neck, suckling on the supple skin just enough so that it doesn’t bruise.

“What a dirty little puppy you are,” he growls, eyes focusing heavily on where your bodies connect, watching himself disappear inside of you as you bounce up and down on his cock.

“Feel so full-” Tingles ricochet down every part of your body, and your legs are becoming weaker with each movement. Harry can feel your movement faltering, so his hips thrust upwards to meet yours, fucking you from underneath. “Harry!”

“I know pup, I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek and he leans in for another kiss, devouring your plump lips and swirling his tongue around yours. “So fuckin tight,” The words tumble from his mouth in a low growl, which sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy. His cock twitches inside of you, encouraging you to muster all your energy and finish both of you off. Adrenaline kicks in and your strength returns, riding him faster and harder than before. “Let go f’me Y/N.” It only takes a few more thrusts for you to come undone, Harry’s orgasm following suit. The waves of pleasure roll through your body, and you throw your head back in ecstasy as you allow the feeling to overcome your body. Spurts of his hot cum cover your velvety walls and you ride out your orgasms together, resting your foreheads against one another.

You end up sleeping at his house, feeling safe knowing that Ella is staying with her mom today. It’s normal for you to sleep at his place, seeing as both of you are usually so tired that you pass out before you can leave. What isn’t normal is for you to be woken up in the morning by Harry’s phone ringing. Harry is a deep sleeper, and you laugh at the sight of him conked out while his ringtone blares on the nightstand just a few inches away. Carefully, you reach over his sleeping body and grab the phone, planning on hanging it up and going back to bed. However, when you saw that it was Ella calling, you changed your mind. Making a split second decision, you slide the icon to the right, holding it up to your ear.

“Hello?” Her whiney voice rings through your eardrum and you wince. Not the nicest thing to be woken up to.

“Hello,” you answer, your voice not reflecting the cocky grin that spread across your face.

“Who the hell is this!” she shrieks, and you make a mental note that she must not be a morning person.

“A friend of your dads.” Your response is once again calm and monotone, trying to stifle the laugh that is bubbling in your throat.

“Ugh! What’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N”