#Ive only made dumplings myself ONCE

[littleplantfreak]

I think we can make it

Togame Jo x Reader

Word Count: 370 (it's just a baby)

No Cw just fluff (unless you don't like dumplings)

It's another writing exercise I was told is cute enough for the public so...the request for today was singing/humming while cooking with Togame.

The song is stuck in your head. Humming it on repeat surely isn’t helping as you roll out the dough for the dumplings, but the mindlessness of it helps somehow. By the time Togame’s feet fall solidly against the floor, you’ve made half so far. Roll, stuff, fold, roll, stuff, fold. The process has little intricacies, but your hands are practiced enough by now that you’re almost machine-like. Maybe that’s why you barely hear yourself sing the first line of the song softly, almost mumbling it.

“Don't go breakin’ my heart.”

Jo from his perch on the chair in front of the counter, watching you fold perks up. Usually he helps, but you get in such a finicky mood when you cook, and he can tell you just want to do this by yourself without him crowding your station today. Still, he can’t leave the song unfinished, even if you’re so focused on the dumplings you didn’t react to him coming in. 

“I couldn’t if I tried.” His voice rumbles, peeking at you from over his glasses to see if you heard him. The smile you’re trying to hold back breaks across your face. He’s snapped you out of your daze, but it isn’t unwelcomed. 

“Oh honey if I get restless-”

“Baby you’re not that kind.” He finishes, his lopsided grin and green eyes looking at you, at the hands that have slowed just a bit while your focus is drawn to him, if only a little. He shouldn’t distract you, but he’ll take any attention you’re willing to give him, even if it’s shared with dough and meat filling. 

Going back and forth until the song ends, he adds a flourish here and there. A small gesture of him holding a hand to his heart when ‘I got your heart in my sights’ is sung has you giggling, fingers slipping on one of the dumpling folds.

It’s not quite melodious, but the flow between you both has a special harmony that only singing with each other often can create. When the song is finished, coincidentally so are the dumplings. It’s almost as if you’ve sung them to completion and you know they’ll taste all the better for it.

[shuxiii]

merry christmas shu!!! 🤶🎄🦌☃️⭐🎁🎅🛷🥛🍪🌰

I just wanted to write something a bit more meaningful since it's christmas and I guess it's an appropriate day to say all of these things hahajahs

well first things first I wanted to wish you and your loved ones a wonderful and happy christmas!! I hope you get to enjoy this day to the fullest, eat the most yummy food and make great memories for the years to come!! I also hope that whatever traditions you and your loved ones have on christmas fills your heart full of that warmth and coziness only the joy of them can bring 😊

now buckle up because the cheesy words have only begun 😅

I'll try to keep it simple but I wanted to thank you for just being you and for gracing us with your incredible and heart-touching stories

I know I've only been an anon for a month or so now but I've been following you and reading your works for longer than that. I won't go much into detail because this is supposed to be happy and light but I was going through some stuff a few years back that I couldn't even write like I used to as a hobby (and coping mechanism) or even read stuff anymore. I actually haven't been using tumblr for almost two years before downloading it again this year. and then I discovered your blog pretty early on after being back again over here. I was already much better at the time but I was still taking my time with everything, but when I began reading your works it helped me more than I could've imagined. I was laughing, and feeling genuinely scared the characters wouldn't end up together and many other stuff and all of that was bringing such an immense comfort to me I was even shocked myself and so much so it even inspired me to write again! I managed to finish sixteen stories this year, which is like my biggest record ever because I would only manage to actually complete two or three per year. and it's all thanks to your amazing and inspiring work!!

you're also the first person I've send an ask to in all of my years here. I'm used to only reading silently while the authors interact with their readers but you're always so funny and light and the more I saw your interactions with everyone else the more I wanted to at least send in one ask to say how much I love your stuff. and when I did, you have always been so kind to me I couldn't help but keep coming back! it helped me get just a tiny bit more communicative in my life and I can say I've been better a jokes too because I swear you and your anons are so funny I've been keeping notes hahajahsjak

I feel like I said too much but didn't say much at all aaaaahdjdj, but I just wanted to thank you for being this amazing person and keep sharing with us your wonderful stories because you might not know, but they help people a lot. they're very entertaining and comforting and you're very kind and funny too 😊

so thank you for existing shu <3

I don't want this to be overwhelmingly long and I'm in the middle of nowhere, the reception here is horrible I'm scared this might not even send in on time 😅

so once again merry christmas shu!!! I hope your day is very happy and you enjoy it to the fullest!!

bye bye shu <3

- 🥟

I kid you not im sorry for the late reply because i was having a sad time in christmas so i couldn’t express my gratefulness to your ask but im so happy and this actually made me cry so much like i was crying out loud im so happy that i was ur inspiration and all ive never been so proud and happy LIKE i know i may say so little but this means more than the words i could ever describe and im sorry if it seems like i don’t appreciate it much but i really do! Thank you my dumpling 🙁🙁🙁mwa mwa love you!!

[stiltonbasket]

but ALSO okay so first of all thank you so much for the ficlets so far they are Adorable and i love them so much. second of all i am so glad you opened prompts again bcuz. i have. smth ive been wanting to read for a WHILE. so. prompt: junior generation post-canon, they all have super high standards for romantic partners cuz they spend time with Super Lovey Dovey WangXian. not like jiang cheng's List but smth a la Tenille Arts's Somebody Like That iykwim

i hope its not too late to insert a detail to my prompt!!! (i ran outta chara space in the og prompt message and then forgot ^^" ) but theres just one thing!! i really wanna see!!!! in the wangxian spoiling each other bit!!!!! (and the juniors being all That is Love Why Should We Settle For Less) -- i want lan zhan walkin around at one point with his hair in a braid and flowers braided in!!! and if asked he gets all soft and looks at it and is like "wei ying did it" ahhh i love the image <3

can anybody find me (somebody to love)

by stiltonbasket

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?” 

(Or, the one where Jin Rulan visits the Cloud Recesses, contemplates his love life, and gets a new point of view on the Lan sect's taxation policy.)

Jin Ling is seventeen the year his dajiu marries Hanguang-jun, and finally gives Jin Ling the right to call Lan Sizhui his cousin. Sizhui’s always been his cousin, of course—they’ve been cousins since Jin Ling was born, even if neither of them knew it—but he couldn’t say so, because that would mean telling everyone that Sizhui was born a Wen. And telling everyone that Sizhui was a Wen would lead to terrible things, so Jin Ling keeps his mouth shut until after his dajiu’s wedding.

“You could just say that he was born to us during the Sunshot Campaign!” Wei Wuxian laughed, when he finally heard why Jin Ling wanted him to hurry up and take his three bows with Hanguang-jun. “Half the cultivation world already thinks he’s ours, anyway.”

But regardless of whether he could call Sizhui his biao-ge in public, Sizhui is first and foremost a very dear friend; and so are Lan Jingyi and A-Qing and Ouyang Zizhen, though Jin Ling’s best friend is probably Zizhen, just like Sizhui’s is Jingyi. He visits them in Gusu as often as he can, since all of them save Zizhen live there, and even Zizhen hangs around the Cloud Recesses more often than not. 

“Don’t you have a clan of your own?” Jin Ling frowns, when he visits his dajiu around midsummer to find the younger boy eating xiaolongbao in the jingshi’s new kitchen. “How come you’re still here, A-Zhen? The lectures ended weeks ago!”

“I’m almost sixteen,” Zizhen yawns, reaching for a shallow dish of black vinegar and soaking a salted mushroom in it. “Father says I’m old enough to go where I like, and Lan-xiansheng said I could keep studying with the Lan disciples as long as I stayed.”

“You’re just here for the food,” grumbles Jin Ling. His dajiu is a good cook when he doesn’t cover everything in chili peppers, and Jiujiu once told him in confidence that Wei-dajiu’s food was the closest Jin Ling would ever get to having his mother’s. But a steaming plate of xiaolongbao lands in front of Jin Ling before he can really start thinking about that, and then his baby cousin crawls into his lap and steals one of the soup dumplings.

“Ling-gege pays taxes,” three-year-old Lan Yu says serenely, poking a hole in the xiaolongbao and sucking out the broth. “Xiao-Yu can have one more?”

“Taxes?” Jin Ling stares at him. “What in the world does he mean?”

Wei Wuxian laughs and comes back over to give him another succulent soup dumpling to replace the one Xiao-Yu stole. “He’s pretending to be the sect leader,” he explains, ruffling Jin Ling’s hair on his way back to the stove. “And he found out about tax management this morning, since Lan Zhan and Xichen-ge are thinking about lifting the luxury tax on goods from some of the minor sects. But A-Yu thinks taxes are presents for the sect leader, so…”

“One more bao tax for xiao-Lan-zongzhu!” Xiao-Yu says imperiously, holding out his chubby hands. “Ling-gege give, please?”

“That is not polite, Xiao-Yu,” Hanguang-jun scolds, sweeping into the kitchen with A-Yuan and Jingyi behind him and A-Qing bringing up the rear. He lifts Xiao-Yu into his arms and sits him down on the bench next to Zizhen, and then he reaches up for a stack of patterned bowls and passes them around to the others. 

Jin Ling still hasn’t gotten used to eating at the Chief Cultivator’s table, even if Hanguang-jun is technically his uncle now. Sometimes Hanguang-jun even does the cooking, and feeds Wei-dajiu with his own chopsticks while everyone else watches, and then Jin Ling tries to choke himself to death on the bamboo shoots in his yan du xian before deciding that Lanling can’t afford to lose the first decent zongzhu it’s had since his great-grandfather’s time. 

“I wish I was married,” Ouyang Zizhen sighs dreamily, resting his cheek on his hand as Xiao-Yu tries to steal his dumplings next. On his other side, A-Qing’s cheeks flush crimson, and she stares resolutely down at her hands while Hanguang-jun offers her a plate of savory vegetables. “It looks so nice, Wei-qianbei.”

“It is nice,” Wei-dajiui winks—and oh, gross, because Hanguang-jun is blushing now, and staring at Wei Wuxian as if he’s the most amazing thing in the world. “Marrying Lan Zhan is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Mm,” Hanguang-jun says quietly, putting a heaping spoonful of potato congee into his husband’s bowl. “Wei Ying is the best thing that happened to me, too.”

Ouyang Zizhen wails. 

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?”

“What, you want an arranged marriage?” Wei-dajiu frowns. “ I never went through the process myself—” and Hanguang-jun reaches out and squeezes Wei-dajiu’s waist, as if even thinking about Wei-dajiu seeing a matchmaker was too much— “and I don’t really know anyone who did, since Yunmeng’s a lot freer about these things. Are you sure, Jingyi?”

“I’m not asking for a matchmaker,” Jingyi says, tossing his long ponytail over his shoulder. “I want to know what to look for if my love of a lifetime comes along. So what were you looking for?”

“Nothing when I was your age, A-Yi. I thought I would spend my whole life at Lotus Pier, and marry one of the shijies or shimeis who liked me. But then I met Lan Zhan, and…”

And then his ideal became Hanguang-jun, Jin Ling finishes, chewing on a mouthful of mustard greens. Everyone knows that, Jingyi!

Unfortunately, the conversation doesn’t end there. It goes on for the better part of an hour, and all through the course of coconut pudding Hanguang-jun made for dessert, and Jin Ling can’t even leave because that would be rude, and the food is too good to pass up even if Ouyang Zizhen wants to ask about kissing now.

“How old is old enough to have your first kiss?” he inquires, while Lan Sizhui giggles into his hands and elbows Zizhen to make him stop. “I’m sixteen, so is that too young?”

“I was thirty-eight when I first kissed Wei Ying,” Hanguang-jun says dryly. “I would advise patience, unless Ouyang-gongzi already has a beloved one in mind.”

Jin Ling wants to die. Why is his extended family like this?

“Pudding tax,” Xiao-Yu announces from his lap. “Ling-gege, can A-Yu have a bite?”

“I’m Sect Leader Jin, though. I don’t have to pay you taxes.”

Xiao-Yu gives him a serious little nod before turning to Sizhui. “Yuan-gege, pay pudding taxes.”

“You’ve had enough pudding,” Sizhui scolds; and indeed, the dishes are mostly empty now, except for the serving bowls in the middle of the table. “Come on, A-Yu. Let’s go visit the rabbits.”

They end up at the rabbit field about ten minutes later, after Jingyi and Sizhui help Hanguang-jun with the dishes. Jin Ling thinks it must make a very strange picture: after all, one doesn’t often see three Lan juniors, one Ouyang sect heir, one Jin sect leader, and one Lan baby lying in the grass with bunnies climbing over them. But the peace and quiet is beautifully welcome after the political unrest in Lanling and the dog food in Wei-dajiu’s tiny kitchen, so Jin Ling closes his eyes and settles down for a nap with a small white rabbit on his chest. 

“I think Shufu was right,” he hears A-Qing say. “There’s no point in having a list of requirements. Look at what happened to Jiang-zongzhu.”

“His first list was terrible, though,” Zizhen objects. “And he’s going to be married by next spring, so it worked for him in the end. After he fixed his requirements, I mean.”

“Gossipping is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” Sizhui says tranquilly. “And what Father meant was that having a list means you might miss your fated one when they come along, so it’s best to think about what you want, instead of what your beloved should be.”

“I’d like it if my wife liked to eat my cooking,” sighs Zizhen—he’s an excellent cook, too, and Jin Ling knows for a fact that A-Qing’s favorite food is the shrimp and water spinach Zizhen’s mother taught him to make. “Then I could cook, and she could wash our children’s hands and bring them to the kitchen when I was done, and we would all eat together.”

“I think I’d like a husband who knew how to do my hair,” A-Qing says, not even trying to be subtle. Jin Ling has seen the combs Zizhen keeps giving her, even if they’re far too young for a courtship, and Zizhen is always the first to offer assistance whenever A-Qing’s hair falls out of its bun. “Even a plain bun is too hard for me, since my hair’s so bushy.”

Zizhen nearly drops his rabbit. “Oh,” he whispers, blushing so hard that his neck turns red. “That’s good!”

Jin Ling wants to die. He can’t stand visiting Lotus Pier because his jiujiu is obviously courting, even if he won’t say he is, and now he’s going to have to watch A-Qing and Zizhen flirt until Zewu-jun and Ouyang-zongzhu give them permission to get married. 

“What about you, Jingyi?”

“Huh? Oh, I want to marry someone who won’t mind how loud I am,” Jingyi shrugs. “Or someone even louder than me, so we can make trouble together. A-Yuan?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, actually,” Sizhui sighs. “I’m Zewu-jun’s heir, so I have to get married, but I’m not sure if I want to.”

A moment of silence. 

“Then you won’t have to,” Jin Ling says. Everyone stares at him. “Zewu-jun didn’t get married, and Hanguang-jun wouldn’t have if Wei-dajiu didn’t come back to life. You can just choose an heir born to one of your cousins, since Jingyi was going to inherit the sect before Hanguang-jun adopted you.”

The others swoop in to assure Sizhui that no one’s going to make him get married, and Jin Ling folds his arms behind his head and wonders if his biao-ge could possibly be like Zewu-jun: a yi xin yi shen, whole in heart and body, who eschewed marriage in favor of cultivation. It would explain a lot, Jin Ling thinks, because even he knows what it feels like when someone makes his heart beat fast and his face turn pink, and Sizhui’s never felt that way. 

(Jin Ling tries not to think of Nie-zongzhu’s hot-tempered archivist, who knocked him into the dust with her saber the last time he visited Qinghe and then told him he had pretty eyes. Nie Shiyong is a few years older than him, and he usually ends up nursing several new bruises each time he meets her, but Jin Ling is man enough to admit to himself that he likes her. Maybe.)

“Xiao-Yu is sleepy,” little A-Yu says, interrupting his embarrassing train of thought before it can go any further. “Yuan-gege, I have a nap?”

“You can just sleep here,” Jingyi suggests. “The grass is soft enough, right? And you can use one of us for a pillow.”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui chides, and Jin Ling hears the long grass rustling as his cousin gets to his feet. “Come on, A-Yu. I’ll take you home to A-Niang.”

“No need,” someone else says; and that’s Hanguang-jun’s voice, coming up the hill from the direction of the jingshi. “I am here. A-Yu, come.”

Jin Ling scrambles up to greet his uncle by marriage (sect leader or not, jiujiu would kill him if he greeted the Chief Cultivator from the ground) and then he reels back and blinks in surprise, because Hanguang-jun’s hair is up in a loose braid instead of a half-topknot, and somebody seems to have decorated the braid with a row of half-bloomed lotus flowers. 

“Wei Ying did it,” Hanguang-jun says, with a small, soft smile that makes Sizhui and the others gasp. “He will do the same for your hair, too, if you ask.”

And then he lifts Xiao-Yu up into his arms and carries him away, leaving Jin Ling still frozen mid-bow with Jingyi and Zizhen gaping behind him.

“I think what Hanguang-jun meant is that the first requirement for marriage is love,” Lan Sizhui remarks, when Jin Ling finally snaps his mouth shut. “And that no matter what we want, or think we want, we shouldn’t settle for less.”

(Jin Ling is the first of his friends to marry, and he never forgets his biao-ge’s advice until the end of his days.)

[kriscynical]

I have finally thrown in the towel and gone back on Welbutrin.

If you're considering the need to go back on your meds, take this as a sign from the universe that yes, you do indeed need to and you have nothing to prove to anybody.

This turned into mental health word vomit nobody is going to care about so I'm putting it under a cut to save your dashes.

After having the health crisis in 2009 that left me with the permanent nerve damage I'm still dealing with followed by one of my best friends throwing me under a bus and gaslighting me about it, I started struggling with my mental health. When my middle sister passed away from breast cancer in January 2010 I destroyed myself trying to be The Strong One for my parents, letting my cup run so dry it cracked and broke.

I spent the next 7 years at the bottom of a hole, the last four or so on Welbutrin that helped quite a bit but not completely. My personal art output was absolute zero. I lost my 20's to it, basically.

I finally pulled myself out of it when I renovated the room across from my bedroom into my studio and got into Yuri on Ice in late 2016 because I had something to focus on, get excited about, and be inspired by. I pumped out 40 new pieces of art in 2017 because of it, I was getting regular interaction with people, my blog was growing again, and it was fantastic. I was an art machine. I came off of the Welbutrin in Spring 2016. I was happy for the first time in years.

Anybody still in the YoI fandom knows that well has been bone dry for a few years now; most of our crops withered if not died completely, and fandom policing bullshit made creating fanart for it far less desirable for me. I started slipping.

Then 2018 happened. My oldest sister passed away in February from liver failure. The day after we buried her ashes next to my middle sister in the family plot, we found out our dog, Sushi, had late stage lymphoma at only 9 years old. Her face had barely even begun to get a dusting of white. We lost her that July. I slipped some more. I came out of that year holding on to the edge of that hole by the tips of my fingers, but I was proud that I hadn't fallen back in completely.

Then 2020 happened. On March 13 my life upended and my sole focus became keeping my high risk parents safe from Covid, becoming their caregiver and doing absolutely everything for them that involved interacting with people or going out in public. In the last 14 months I've only gone to the pharmacy and chiropractor. That's it. We've been having our groceries delivered via a wonderful woman named Katelyn through Dumpling. Quarantine has aged me by at least five years at this point if the lines on my face are any indication.

Then my uncle was diagnosed with stage IV esophageal cancer over the summer and the traumatizing hell of trying to care for him here at our house -- on top of the added stress of having a CONSTANT parade of nurses, hospice people, and chaplains coming through the house because of it in the middle of a pandemic I was working so hard to protect my parents from -- was a body blow that included a dissociative episode. He passed away in October 2020.

I was finally able to get myself and my parents vaccinated through the county health department at the end of March 2021, which was a Thing all unto itself because of their system fucking things up.We got our second dose toward the end of April and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but the damage was already done.

My personal art output has been zero for almost two years at this point. The last piece of fan work I actually finished that wasn't for a client, zine, or gift was in October 2019, it didn't even get 200 notes, nobody seemed to care or even notice that I had been basically MIA online in the last two years (save for maybe three people), so I lost the sliver of motivation I still had left. Let me repeat that:

I haven't finished any personal artwork that wasn't for a client, zine, or gift since October 2019. It's now May 2021.

At the beginning of April I finally said fuck it, I give up, and emailed my doctor asking for a new script for Welbutrin. While I'm not as godawful miserable emotionally as I was back when I started taking it originally (although it's on its way down that road), I am back to being completely unmotivated to do much of anything let alone produce new art. I have ideas. I just don't have the motivation to sit down and execute them.

As I've said several times before, I have to create in order to feel worthwhile. Interaction with people online when I post my work helps me stay in a good place mentally because I'm human and humans need positive interaction and just a sense that we're seen and matter. It's a nasty spiral because once it started seeming that hardly anybody cared about my work anymore or even noticed when I disappeared, that finished the job of killing my motivation. I know art should be made for yourself but like I said, I'm human and I'm just being honest here instead of trying to bullshit anybody. What's the point of posting if it's seemingly just going into the void?

I'm tired of being in that rut of a mindset and languishing in that bad headspace, so I'm trying to help myself out of it before I hit the bottom of that hole again. I never want to go back there, but I'm damn close at this point.

At least the Welbutrin is making me lose weight because it's killed my appetite.

[wildflower-magic]

get to know me

Oh no im being perceived. 

when is your birthday? March 14 what is your favorite color? you know those annoying people who say ‘the rainbow’ because they’re so different and cool...please do not make me choose between colors (it was pink for a while, then yellow, right now it’s lilac. but also yellow. and pink). what’s your lucky number? the internet says 6 do you have any pets? a dog  how tall are you? 167cm  how many pairs of shoes do you own? 12, i think. (some of them are stored away because it’s still summer, so i don’t know the actual number. is 12 pairs a lot of shoes? i feel like 24 shoes is a lot of shoes). favorite song? back to the color dilemma. please, do not make me choose.  favorite movie? maybe im just bad at making decisions...man. fantastic mr. fox is pretty cool. or what we do in the shadows.  what would be your ideal partner? idk i like picnics, holding hands, and laying on the floor listening to music. someone with whom silence will be comfortable.  do you want children? eventually. probably.  have you gotten in trouble with the law? once. for crossing the road with a red light.  what color socks are you wearing? knit socks with black and white and silver thread so they’re SPARKLY. i fcking love sparkles. bath or shower? bath. i do not own a bath, so shower it is. we move.  favorite type of music? ambient probably.  how many pillows do you sleep with? technically one. but i am barricaded by four more.  which position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my right side with my hands crossed (the pouting/angry way, not the vampire sleeping in a coffin    way).  what don’t you like when you’re sleeping? lack of fresh air. when it’s not cold enough (i sleep with my window open even during winter).  what do you have for breakfast? not breakfast food. tea. soup sometimes. have you ever tried archery? once, a long time ago.  favorite fruit? pears?  favorite swear word? fuck, i think. in my native language, im not sure. i swear a lot, but they’re all ugly words.  do you have any scars? yeah.  are you a good liar? incredibly. i rarely lie though.  what’s your personality type? INFJ. it’s always INFJ. ever since i took a test 10 years ago. no matter which test or quiz i take, it’s always INFJ.  what’s your favorite type of girl? i like kind people.  left or right handed? right. favorite food? potato potato potato! soup!!! dumplings!  are you clean or messy? clean but messy.  favorite foreign food? russian (though i grew up eating it. and you could argue it’s the local cuisine. but since i do not live in russia im saying it’s foreign food). how long does it take for you to get ready? 20 minutes. but i’ll wake up 2 hours earlier to get myself ready for getting ready.  most used phrase? i don’t think i have one. are you a good singer? i’m an okay singer. a former choir kid.  do you sing to yourself? all the time. biggest fear? the future. ive no clue what im doing. or what’s going to happen. it’s all scary scary scary. do you like long or short hair? both. tend to miss long hair when i have short hair, and vice versa.  are you into gossips? not really.  extrovert or introvert? i don’t think anyone strictly falls into only one of those.  favorite school subject? math. or art(history). what makes you nervous? a lot of things. who was your first real crush? this boy i went to kindergarten with. we couldn’t be seated together at mealtimes because we kept giggling. we went to different schools but still kept seeing each other around. now he lives in the same building as i do. we still can’t look at each other without laughing. not a crush anymore. just a warm memory. how many piercings do you have? only ever pierced my ears but i haven’t worn piercings in a long time (over 6 years now). 2 or maybe 3 of 7 should still ?work?. how fast can you run? not fast enough. what makes you angry? the lack of world peace.  do you like your own name? used to hate it. (there’s this song. and adults used to sing it to me even though i said i didn’t like it. made me want to change my name when i was like 4). have come around to it. what are your weaknesses? my bad habits. these holes ive dug myself are pretty cozy. familiar.  what are your strengths? i am never bored.  what is the color of your bedspread? at the moment white-with-light-brown-stripes-on-one-side-flowers-on-the-other-extremely-basic-bedding-from-you-guessed-it-IKEA! color of your room? yellow (the official name of the color is, directly translated, “crop field”). 

ps! thanks for tagging me, Soo. this was fun. stressful. but fun. 

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer IV: The Snowman

I woke up in the middle of the night to the smell of something cooking. I sat up in bed. Mingfei wasn’t in the bedroom with me. Ru’Yi was still asleep in the travel crib.

Concerned he might be out drinking again, I stepped outside the bedroom but Mingfei wasn’t there. He’d just left the empty bag of chips on the table. I sighed in disappointment. He probably did go out to drink. I slipped on a shirt and pants and went to go look for him.

When I opened the front door, the first thing I noticed was what appeared to be snow on the ground. As I approached the grass, however, I saw the glittering balls of hail scattered in a thin layer. A light drew my eyes to the side of the porch. I saw Johann and one of the priests sitting under the overhang, eating grilled chicken skewers next to a charcoal fire.

Johann stood up, looking nervous. I held my hands out. “It’s okay. Sorry. I... I won’t freak out again.”

The priest raised a skewer. “Would you like to join us? The young master said he was hungry.”

I smiled. “Sure.” 

The night was still cold and damp but it was nice next to the fire. I sat next to Johann, at what I hoped was a comfortable distance from him. The priest handed me a skewer with some meat on it. I tilted my head giving a bit of a smirk. “I thought Buddhists were vegetarian?”

The priest smiled back at me. We both knew the shrine was a front. These weren’t actually priests but the elite forces of the Hydra, the best of the best, like the Yakuza version of Navy Seals.

Johann looked back and forth between us.  He spoke, hesitantly.  “Ms. Carli...” “You ... seem to know a lot of people in Hydra.”

I turned to him. Ms. Carli? Hearing him say that made me want to throw up in my mouth!

I didn’t want to tell him what he should remember. It would only make him confused. “Can you.. tell me how you grill your chicken so well?”

“It’s already marinated so just hold it over the fire for about six minutes per side.”

“Ah.” I held the meat over as instructed, feeling as if my heart was the one being held over coals. I had to resist another tearful eruption. But I couldn’t suppress my smile at him. He didn’t look at me but even this small interaction was a dream come true. Johann was here, sitting next to me.

“I know I can’t talk about what I remember... but can I tell you something else? Just so you relax and don’t think I’m a crazy lady?”

He gave me a nervous look. “Sure...”

“I remember a picture of you. You were really little about six or seven. You had this cute little blue hat and blue coat and blue mittens and you were just losing your mind over a snowman. You were smiling so big!” I turned to him. “Do you remember that?”

Johann smiled, genuinely, and I felt my heart skip. “Yeah. I remember that.”

I leaned toward him laughing. “Why were you so excited?”

“That was the first time ever seeing snow.” He said, his low voice humming in my ears, comforting my restless heart.

“Oh that’s right. It doesn’t snow where you live.” I said.

He blinked his smile disappearing. He looked at me again, a bit more focused.

I met his gaze. Yes, I knew where he lived. 

He shifted his gaze away. “Dad... he.. He took me to see it.” His shoulders slumped.

I chewed my lip. Even years after, Johann Chu never talked about how his father died. I remembered how much he struggled to talk about it as an adult, holding all those memories inside so effortlessly, letting them be the furnace that powered his every decision... until that Christmas Eve when he had almost told me.

I knew that time travel wouldn’t let me change the past. I’m not sure what had happened to take Johann Chu back to his fifteen year old mind in an adult body, but here was an opportunity to talk to this inner child.  

I held in mind the memory of when I received the news of Robbie’s death when I rested my hand on his arm and spoke to him in quiet Chinese.

“请节哀顺变。”

“Restrain your grief, accept fate.”

I saw the tension rise in his back. Tears appeared on his lower lids.  He held his breath, trembling.

I was not being cruel or unfeeling by saying this. This simple statement of fact was as common as, ‘I’m sorry.’ when it came to phrases of condolences. But in this case, it fit better than anything I could say in English.

In truth, if this whole thing didn’t work out and Johann never recovered his memories of me, I would have to tell myself those words.

“What are you doing?”

We both turned at once to see Nono in her pajamas, staring at me with an acid glare.

“Eating chicken... ah! I forgot to turn mine over!” I quickly flipped it.

Johann didn’t say anything, keeping his eyes on the fire with a dull expression.

The priest explained. “Mr. Saeki ordered us to protect our guests 24 hours a day. It’s not just me, all the priests are fully armed and stay on guard.”

The priest snapped his fingers and at least twenty men in priest attire emerged from all corners of the courtyard. There was even one on the roof with a heavy sniper rifle.

Once all was well, they slipped back into the shadows. This was more of a fortress than a cemetery.

 “You should really try the chicken!” I said, trying not to laugh. Nono really had no idea about these guys. She just knew something was up. Feeling peeved at her glare, I wasn’t about to tell her the truth I knew.  Did she think I had lured Chu Zihang out here? I blew on my skewer, bitterness rising. Heaven forbid, I want to hang out with my own husband.

“We often have late nights like this.” The priest agreed as he continued to try to calm Nono.

He just attracted her ire. 

Her glare shifted to him. “You always prepare chicken here?”

“Well...” The priest scratched his head, looking bashful. “I know people believe all we eat are rice dumplings but sometimes we get tired of bland food too!”

I squinted. For a Hydra operative he was being a terrible liar right now.

“Then you still have an empty house here, with Miko clothes hanging on a wire hanger.” Nono said, seemingly out of the blue.

How could she know about Erii’s room? Her Soul Skill must be directing her there!

“Uh yes... we do!” The ‘priest’ appeared a bit surprised. “You want to see it?”

“Yes. Take me there.” Nono took two steps before turning to Chu Zihang and I. “After eating, go back to sleep.”

I huffed. “You can’t tell me what to do...”

“It’s best to do as Sister asks. I shouldn’t stay up late.” Johann said, finishing off his skewer.

He stood up and looked down at me giving a little bow. “Thanks for reminding me of that day, Ms. Carli, I’d forgotten it.”

“Don’t call me Ms. Carli!” I snapped, annoyed that he was being so meek. “I don’t like that.”

“Then... wh-what should I call you?” He asked, looking down like he was expecting some sort of scolding.

I turned back to the fire, fighting tears and biting into my chicken skewer. He should call me Meixiu. My name was what he gave me! “Think of a name. Think of a good one. And call me that.”

[dojaeism-archived]

Hello, hope you've been well! I've been very busy recently with a lot of things and it's been giving me headaches but other than that I've been pretty good! Ah, it seems more interesting than Psych alone because of how broad it is... I hope you don't hate doing it though, subjects get really tough if one doesn't enjoy them or detests them (the only reason I hated Physics; my teacher didn't do a good job at explaining it and I learnt everything by myself after school) - ❄️

im writing more for these asks than some of my assignments lmfaoo 😭😭

I'm good at Math and anything related to it, but for some reason I could never understand anything other than the formulas and problems in Physics hence why I went for Psychology only instead of Psychiatry... Oh, I'm sure once I reveal myself you can find a few things I've made; there were quite a lot but I got rid of my art sideblog because it was too time-consuming and kind of cleared my main a few months ago so there's like only 2-3 here, but there's some on my other sideblogs as well! - ❄️

I used to only make breakfast items or pasta before but now I learnt how to cook almost everything -once again courtesy of quarantine Lol- and I enjoy making any kind of dessert; but Cheesecake and Tiramisu are my favourite, along with Quiche! Among things on stove, I quite enjoy making dumplings and stews ^^ I've been okay-ish in the kitchen since I was little, but my sisters? A fire in the microwave, oil splashed all over the stove and the only thing they're decent at is fries + ramen - ❄️

but I think they'll learn as time passes! Ah, I don't gif exo that much; I think there might've been a couple sets before I cleared my blog but I gif 2 other groups mostly... there's this multi blog I need to post more on but since I've been busy I've barely had time to post there T^T that's where my nct and exo sets will go (if I ever get to making them) I took part in this event for the purpose to have an exo-l as a friend too; since I gif those I have friends in the fandom of the most - ❄️

Ça bien; je suis sur le point de le terminer bientôt et j'aurai un examen~ Non, ton Français va bien! It starts in November or mid-November I think, not too sure since it keeps getting delayed :( II used to only play Tomb Raider or The Uncharted; maybe a little NFS if I'm up for it haha so I get you... My friend plays Genshin so that's where I know of it from, she forced me to sit down and have a go but I lost interest too quick XD - ❄️

omg my dad always drinks tea! I don't think I've ever seen him sitting down without a cup right next to him; rare to catch him having water unless it's midnight Lol Ah, thank you :D things have been pretty okay but I guess once college starts it'll get more hectic than it already is. Take care! - ❄️

hellooo im glad to hear that you’ve been keeping busy but please don’t let that get in the way of you taking care of yourself!! but don’t worry, i definitely enjoy it!! its just that sometimes there’s that lingering question of “would it have been better if id done something else” ya know… but its all good! it sucks when teachers don’t do their job properly and end up causing students to lose interest in their subjects 😭

ohh omg im so excited to find out who you are now lmfaooo i cant wait aaaaaaa but how many sideblogs do you run??? it sounds like you have quite a few :0

its great that you’ve managed to get something out of this quarantine!!! i cooked a lot at the beginning too but now im just like.. eh….. i loveeee tiramisu but im not really a fan of cheesecake lol its too… (idk what the word is but like thick? like it gets sickening after u eat it too much LOL) but ive never had quiche :0 or stew actually HAHAHA omg but dumplings!!!! im obsessed with themkjjgfnklfg but i totally relate to ur sisters, when i was younger i wasn’t allowed in the kitchen when the adults were cooking cos they were worried id set something on fire lmfao but speaking from experience, they’ll definitely learn as they get older!

ohh its interesting that you don’t gif exo all that much, i don’t either even if they’re my ult group which is a lil funny except me thinks but oh well!! its cool that you joined this event to make friends tho, and i look forward to getting to know you better and us becoming closer friends hehehe what other groups do you gif for then?

CRYING BC idk why i didn’t expect the french reply when i started it 😭 but anyways bonne chance pour ton examen!! j'espère que ça va bien ~

ohh omg tomb raider and uncharted 🥺 reminds me of when i was younger and all my friends would play them hahah but tbh idek why im so obsessed with genshin, i literally played for like 14 hours straight over the weekend which is crazy since usually i absolutely have no interest in games at all 😭😭😭

good luck for college, make sure to rest well now especially since things are gonna get a lot busier!!!! take care 💗

[lullsoft]

Do you have any favorite vegan foods/recipes? 👀

OHHH YOU JUST REMINDED ME!! i was planning on making a vegan cookbook for myself LMAO. but i forgot!! 

1. my easy go to though is just diff types of pasta! one of my faaav recipes is- whatever pasta i have on hand- red sauce- frozen peas n carrots- veggie meat crumbles- mushrooms

i just cook all of these n throw em together n its easy peasy! maybe add some vegan mozzarella (the brand is daiya!) on top at the end! n FLOURISH!

2. another one of my fav foods is vegan dumplings!! these are SO GOOD and so freaking easy to make. they take like ??? a total of 10 mins? 15-20 mins MAX? this brand is so good

3. morning star chicken nuggets are SO freaking GOOD. they are 16/17 mins in the oven at 375ºF n are so freaking good. and so passable too??? ive let a friend from school, one of my brothers, and one of my sisters try them and they were surprised at how good they are. YEA i love them

4. homemade pizza is really good too omg .... using some sort of bread + pizza sauce + daiya mozzarella in a toaster oven..... HEAVENLY

5. for breakfast, i make either avocado toast with salt, or oatmeal! the oatmeal i make is really really good tho bc its a huge energy boost: apple n cinnamon oatmeal, matcha, and chia seeds!!!! REALLY GOOD i love it so much even tho it looks weird eating green oatmeal LOL

6. vegan hot cocoa......... LOL. ive only drank this once bc i try to stay away from lots of sugar as it makes me jittery akjfhdsf but!! i followed this recipe or something similar! i didnt include the cayenne pepper tho lol n i made it in the microwave bc lazy but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it was good! 

if i ever do make that vegan cookbook, ill make a post abt it! much love to u!!! 💗💗💗 

[thewalkingcigarette]

today i bought just three things, and set them atop the crystal smooth counter. i walked to the store, just down the street, and listened to the sway of wind as it flitted me through my path. my eyes were unsure, anxious and pensive, as i examined the rows of frozen food. for i knew it was hunger that ravaged my stomach, but for what would sooth such insatiable desire?

the sun was hot, and the line so short, that i found myself walking swiftly back home. the bags crinkled quietly, swinging down my right side, awaiting my jaws to clamp down. but first the side walk, chipped and dirtied. and then to open my door. the sun bakes my front porch like mothers christmas cookies, the heat pouring from it enough to make me melt.

the dumplings were simple, if i hadnt used too little oil. and the chicken could have been fine. i had even bought cake, an indulgent dessert, for when i finished my meal.

i set my plate, a small ceramic eggshell white, and placed a fork right by it. i snatched up a napkin, and ate each chewy pot sticker. the chicken was cooking, a longer process, and the house flooded with warmth from the oven. it stifled my throat, and lit my skin ablaze, but too little did i care to move.

when i began my journey to enjoy this sweet chicken, i opened the oven to a wave of suppressed fire. grabbing a towel, i hastily grabbed for it, but snatched my hand away in shock. for the towel too thin, pan too hot, and fingers to fragile to withstand. they bubbled and pruned, my first three fingers, burned under the surely sting of metal. i jumped to cold water, and moaned in disapproval, my chicken still sitting innocently.

once my hand cooled off, i returned to the task, with a thicker layer this time. the chicken was bizarre, delicious for two bites, and repulsive the rest of the way down. i ate my cake in silence, using my fumbling left hand, and stared solemnly out the reflective window. these things are my life, so lonely and simple. my burnt hand and poorly made meal. my mother is somewhere, and sister too, and if i could guess, id say my fathers there as well. who knows where any of us ever are? no curfews, no responsibilities, no one to care too much as to worry. the beds are filled by at least one a.m., so whos to fret over such things?

i did my dishes, watching the water pour. considered chatting with a friend. but this lonesome ache protruding from my burnt fingers discouraged such social extension. what good is company when im in such a state? knowing that no company knows the dark side of the moon?

finally i lay, my body weightful and exhausted. i wonder if ive sobered, of how much something is within my blood and breath, as i press my back flat to my mattress. is this my life, this dissatisfaction, or is this just some simple evening?

will i laugh tomorrow? and feel the sun? will my heart stop feeling so heavy? what is guaranteed if only myself.

[namuneulbo]

week ten

this week was spring break (or sports break if u translate it directly). i spent it in stockholm !!!

me and my mom went there on monday around 12 am. we went by train and ferry. train ride was fine but my internet was absolute garbage. ferry was ....... something.

it was nice while i was kept distracted like when we went for dinner (at the only place that had a vegetarian option) and had a drink but sleeping was the worst. ive never had a panic attack so idrk what they feel like but i had SOMETHING. idrk what it was ?? i just couldnt stop being nervous and i cried and i was so scared. i hate ferries so much ???????? theyre literally terrifying????

i spammed a few friends and asked for help and n gave me really good advice.

we arrived to stockholm early morning. we walked to the local pressbyrån and recharged out access cards and went to my sisters place by subway and bus. the rest of the day was mainly just chilling. we had dinner at a thai place and it was good ^^ ive been there once before and i liked it back then as well.

i met i and j on wednesday !!! sm fun !!!! even though i was extremely awkward. before meeting them i went into the city w my mom, my sister and my cousin. we started off eating at a café and then we walked around a few stores and i finally got the pride pin i had longed for. i lost it at school and m found it but someone stole it from their pocket a few months ago :(

me, i and j first went to bengans and bought albums. well, mainly i did. j did buy one that she didnt already have but i had saved my money for this moment and bought four!! three monsta x albums (the clan pt. 2.5 the final chapter (beside ver.), the code (protocol terminal ver.) and no limit (jewel ver. w minhyuk) (i was so lucky bc that one was the only member they had left and j just picked it up and gave it to me lol)) and one nct 127 (sticker (sticky ver.)). then we went to the sci-fi shop and i (as in my friend i, not me) got a comic book. i looked at mangas and i wanted to get a sk8 manga for n but they didnt have any. they had blue period though and i was incredibly tempted to get the one w haruka on the cover.

our last proper activity was to get boba. it was my second time having it and its so good !!! it was my first time having it warm though. i like it both warm and cold.

by the end we just kind of did whatever. it was so awkward and i hope ill be less awkward and shy next time. we went to the spot in gamla stan where ateez filmed for the promise mv and after that we went to the same shop i got my pride pin at to get a big pride flag. the worker there asked me if i wanted the bi one while we were looking at the flags (yes. i very much do.) and i assume he heard me talking to i and j about it (but i also like to think i just looked bi asf). ill have to get it another time. i want one at some point.

i went home on my own and it was my first time travelling by myself in stockholm. it was exciting!

on thursday i met w i and j again. this time to go dance together. we just played around and did an rpd. i also showed me and j some choreos she was practicing. i showed them super yuppers! and i also danced to roll deep w i. we ended the evening w listening to sticker. i went home by myself again! god, im excited to move to stockholm and live on my own. future me, did i do it?

friday was quite uneventful. we played board games all day and then went out to get dinner in the evening but were unsuccessful. the first place was full, the second place too and the third place didnt have vegan options and their working conditions were ass. we ended up ordering delivery sushi and eating at my sisters place.

saturday. our last day in stockholm :( we went for a walk to the store a bit further away. i had a hard time choosing a snack for the travel but in the end i got a chocolate bar. my sisters boyf made dumplings for dinner and it was so good. it was my first time having dumplings and i loved it. we left around 6 pm. this ferry was way worse than the other one. the layout was so confusing and it just, had barely any fun activites on it? considering it was the new boat it was v disappointing since i expected more, u know? they had a jazz cover band. they were alright! they sang a few songs i knew, like killing me softly which later got stuck in my head for the rest of the evening.

i slept surprisingly well? cant say i slept THAT great but way better than on the first ferry. it was a lot quieter in general like someone flushing the toilet in another room wouldnt wake u up at least. as i said earlier, n gave me some advice about handling the anxiety so i tried it and it really helped. i think i mightve just been calmer in general too since it wasnt too long since i had been on the one before. anyways i listened to music while i slept to distract me from the sounds coming from the ferry and the sea (aka the sounds that stress me out). my spotify hasnt downloaded all of my songs for some reason (im guessing its bc i deleted the app and redownloaded it a few times bc it sometimes acts up and thats the only way to fix it lol) so i only had a few available ones and i wanted to listen to some calmer stuff so i just checked what my chill mix had to offer and the only available songs were crush culture by conan gray and strawberries & cigarettes by troye sivan so i literally listened to those on loop while sleeping. i would def recommend listening to those while sleeping, ESPECIALLY S&C!!! it hit so different while listening to it in that context. on the train i found out i listened to each song 15 times. so in total 30 times (i should probably mention after i woke up around 2 am i took out my headphones and turned off the music bc i felt calm enough to sleep wo it).

sunday was just travelling. my brother was supposed to pick me and my mom up from the train station but he got covid and my dad picked us up instead. the weather had been so nice all week but when we arrived to the train station there was a snowstorm TT

we came home around 6 pm. i put my albums on the shelf, put up the nct and kihyun posters and added a taeil and a monsta x sticker to my laptop.

sotw: troye sivan - strawberries & cigarettes

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

@outside-the-government!! Here is your fic! Congratulations again on winning my 100 follow contest, and THANK YOU for playing, and generally being awesome and welcoming. 

Word Count: 1759 Author’s Note: The request was: “Could I please get a fic where reader is Bones' right-hand woman in med bay, the best nurse he's ever worked with. They've been dating for a while. One day, she gets sick or injured somehow and he finds out that while she's fantastic with patients, one drop of her own blood and she's out like a light and he's like WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!”. This was SO much fun to write. Even the part where I nearly triggered myself fainting thinking about seeing myself bleed my own blood :D

You’d realized Doctor McCoy might be something special about four months after you’d finished nursing school. You were in the middle of dressing down a doctor for a particularly stupid mistake that he was trying to pass off as yours when Bones had walked into the clinic on the Starbase. He’d taken a seat and watched the show, right down to you poking the doctor in the chest with scanner to emphasize your point.

When the doctor in question turned to his undoubted colleague for backup, Bones cocked his eyebrow in that special way that only he could and wanted to know if your accusations were true. That set the doctor into another fit of screaming, and soon he was throwing instruments across the clinic at you. Bones was just about to step between the two of you when you executed a brilliant take-down and put him on the floor, your knee in the centre of his back.

You hadn’t noticed the guy in command gold behind him when he’d entered the clinic, but when Bones turned to him, you realized your life was about to change.

“Her. That’s the nurse I want to replace Chapel.” He’d pointed directly at you.

After an initial rough beginning, and a few squabbles about the pecking order of the MedBay on the Enterprise, you settled into a routine. Bones needed a good nurse on Alpha, and after Chapel had transferred earth-side to complete medical school, he’d been at a loss. There wasn’t another take-no-shit nurse on the ship, and he’d cycled through the entire roster with varying levels of failure. After the first time you put him in his place for asking for a coffee, things started to settle. At first into a cautious peace, but as you became more comfortable with the ship and the MedBay, you found that Leonard’s way of doing things and your way of doing things were often the same way. And that suited you just fine. Jim liked to make jokes about how you’d tamed the bear, but it wasn’t until you’d been shipboard for nearly a year that you realized you had.

You’d been sent on away mission, and come under fire, and when you finally beamed aboard, all in one piece except for some bruising, Bones had grabbed you roughly by the upper arms and admonished you never to terrify him like that again. And then he’d kissed you. You’d been inseparable ever since. You went to work together, you went back to quarters together, you ate together, read together, slept together. You’d been in other relationships where that level of interaction would have felt smothering, but Bones was happy with companionable silences. He enjoyed having one of your feet in his lap, but didn’t need to snuggle all the time. It worked well. And you were, unbelievably, happy.

“How do I set the replicator to make your momma’s dumplings and chicken without onions?” You called across the living space. He looked up from his PADD where he had been researching new methods of treatment for Symbalene Blood Burn.

“I programmed it without onions months ago, sweetheart, just use the regular one,” he replied without looking up. You ordered the meal and padded across to him, draping your arms over the back of the couch to hug him.

“How I know the man really loves me.” You kissed the top of his head. “He remembers the weird allergies and reprograms his replicator for me.”

“Our replicator,” he corrected. “Although you’re making me wonder if you only want me for Momma’s chicken and dumplings.”

“Shit,” you laughed. “You found me out. It has nothing at all to do with how nice you look on my arm, all tall and handsome and doctorly. Or how you always seem to have bourbon stashed somewhere after a bad day. It’s just the chicken and dumplings.”

He laughed and leaned back to kiss your cheek. “All those things are very superficial, darlin’. You said nothing about my goodness, or kindness, and incredible personality.”

“Aw, grumpy bear, are you sad that I’m objectifying you?” You teased. You squealed as he pulled you over the back of the couch into his lap.

“You could objectify me more if you wanted to move this into the bedroom.” His voice was suddenly husky and you got butterflies in your stomach.

“And miss out on chicken and dumplings?” You winked. He rolled his eyes and scooped you up in his arms as he stood. Chicken and dumplings were soon forgotten.

It seemed like the Enterprise could only go a few weeks at a time without some major mishap down in engineering causing mass casualties, and it was apparently that morning. You were back and forth between patients, triaging the worst of the wounded directly to Bones, and then patching up the less injured yourself. It seemed like you’d been on a flat run for hours, and when you looked at the clock, you were amazed to find that Alpha had been over for two hours and you were still running casualties. You looked around MedBay, surprised to see the next shift working just as hard as you.

“Y/N!” You heard Leonard call. You looked up and he was pale, and sweaty, leaning over a young ensign in a red shirt. You ran over to assist and what you saw made you blanch as well. The poor kid’s lower leg was hanging by a single tendon. “I need an amputation kit, stat.”

You rushed off to get it, and assisted Leonard by placing the electromagnetic sterilization field over the kid’s lower half, before helping with Leonard’s scrub. As he prepared himself for the surgery, you administered analgesia, and a nerve block at the femoral. You maneuvered around to stand across from Leonard and took the dead limb when directed. When it was properly removed and Bones was closing up the surgical site, you removed the body part to incineration. When you returned, Leonard nodded at the kid, wordlessly asking you to finish the dressing before moving him over to a recovery bay. You made quick work of the task and sat down to chart, finally noticing a break in the influx of injured.

“You did good, darlin’.” He sat down across from you, and wiped his brow with a surgical rag.

“You okay? You got really pale there,” you asked.

“Nah, I’m fine. A little hungry, I guess,” he shrugged.

“You know it’s okay to be a little squicky about that much blood every once in a while, Leonard,” you smiled. He grinned at you and shook his head.

“I’m not admitting to a weakness to you, woman.”

“I love you more when you get so compassionate about your patients that you get sick,” you teased, and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you back in quarters?” You rose and pushed away from the table, and caught your hand on the sharp edge of the chair. You shook it, grimacing. The sting in your palm told you it was cut. The moisture told you it was bleeding. You grimaced and squeezed your hand shut.

“You’ve cut yourself, Y/N, lemme take a look at that.” Leonard sprang to his feet and took your hand in his. You looked down, and sure enough, there was blood welling from a cut in the palm of your hand. You swallowed thickly, and dropped yourself into the chair, looking away from the injury. “Sweetheart, are you alright?”

“Yep,” you answered, popping your p for effect. “Just fine.”

“It’s okay to be a little squicky about blood every once in a while, Y/N,” he teased, kissing your forehead. “Here, hold your hand up while I run for the suture kit. I think you need some stitches.” He brought your uninjured hand over to hold the one that was bleeding. You made the mistake of looking at you hand, planning to argue that it didn’t need stitches, and as you took in the small well of blood forming in the hollow of your palm, you drew a deep breath through your nose. There were white starbursts at the edge of your peripheral vision, and a sudden rushing in your ears. You opened your mouth to say something and the white took over, then turned to black.

You came to on the floor, Leonard’s concerned face hovering over you. “Y/N, darlin’, you blacked out. You hit your head on the way down. We’re going to lift you up to a biobed and give you a good assessment, and in the meantime I’m going to sew up this gash in your hand.”

You nodded weakly, starbursts still exploding at the corners of your vision. A tech came and helped lift you up, and the biobed started scanning as Leonard began working on the stitches. Someone brought you a glass of orange juice, and another nurse started an IV, just as a precaution. You could feel the colour flooding back into your cheeks as you became embarrassed of the attention. “Leonard,” you whispered. “Make it stop. I don’t need an IV. I’m fine.”

“You dropped like a sack of potatoes, and it seemed like forever before you roused,” he countered. “If you weren’t feeling well today you should have said something. At the very least you should have -”

“I was feeling fine today.” You cut him off. He furrowed his brow.

“Then what happened?” He asked. You didn’t think you could blush more, but your cheeks burned even brighter.

“I don’t do well with the sight of blood,” you admitted. Leonard laughed.

“In a pig’s eye, you don’t. I thought I was going to topple over that gory mess we amputated and you just took it in stride!” He shook his head, as though it was the most foolish thing he’d ever heard.

“Oh, honey, I have no problems with other people’s blood. I can’t deal with my own,” you admitted, feeling even more ridiculous. He stopped stitching your hand and his hazel eyes locked with your own.

“All of this time together, and I never knew? How did I not know?” He asked.

“I’m not exactly proud of it.” You looked away, tears filling your eyes. Leonard pulled off his bloody gloves, and sat down beside you on the biobed.

“Darlin’, it makes you that much more human. My super nurse, taken down by a drop of her own blood.” He kissed your forehead and pulled you into his arms. “Makes me love you even more.”

[citykaabs-blog]

June 26

I seem to have good luck today. Stephen and I took a small trip to Seoul and did some exploring. I think the best moment today was our stop at Lotte mall. Lotte mall was honestly one of the largest malls I’ve ever been in. I spent most of my time eating and shopping, which is arguably the best thing me and Stephen did this trip. It’s nice to have a day of mindless consumerism and retail therapy. I couldn’t believe how Western the mall was, though. It reminded me of a few malls back home but a lot more modern and luxurious. Even Stephen remarked that he didn’t feel out of place in the slightest as we walked about.

Eating there was such a fascinating experience. The second floor of the mall was packed with restaurants. There were so many food stall and dine-in options that it took Stephen and I literally an hour to decide. Even after we made our decision we still ate at 4 different food stalls. The food was pretty good but I found myself wanting more from the food. Something more familiar. Stephen didn’t really understand what I meant because he was content with just eating something with flavor and not too much spice.

After our adventure in the mall we went to a nearby market. The market was alive with people and comforting smells. There were vendors cooking tradition Korean food for as far as the eye can see! I immediately sat down at the first table selling dumplings. My favorite. I ate the plump dumplings and felt joy run through my body. The chewy texture bursts with spices and brings me pain and pleasure. Each bite brings back a memory from my childhood. This experience was my Book of Salt. While I was reminiscing, Stephen walked around bashfully asking for a fork or a chopstick helper. He was met with a few confused stares and a bit of judgement from the crowd around the market. When he finally sat down and sampled his dumplings he was met with immediate regret. He had pearls of sweat on his forehead before he even made it to his second dumpling. For me, the dumplings were a warm embrace that came with a flood of memories. For Stephen… Let’s just say he couldn’t find a bathroom soon enough. He was pissed about it all day, and is still pissed. He went to find a McDonald’s once I was done. We then decided that since we did something I wanted, it was his turn to pick the next activity. I don’t think thats entirely fair... but here we are, getting ready to go to a club in the Hongdae district. I am not that excited, from what Ive read and heard its just a club/party area similar to western clubs.

I think Stephen is trying to put America where he is. Like Simon & Garfunkel say, “all come to look for America” but Stephen wants America to come with him, everywhere. It’s like he only includes parts of the culture that is more consumable and makes him less uncomfortable and excludes parts that are more authentic.