#Ive figured it out id say
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charlies turn for the reference sheet beam
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#i feel weird posting a charles ref cause ive done so many 'ref sheets' for headshots.. i need to stop making doodle pages for him apparentl#this started out because i wanted to practice charles' body type and then i figured id just. ref sheet vjaelkjvae#if i were bold id just post him in just briefs and paper doll it if you catch my cold. he got a lot of outfits i like...#i wanted to make refs for the og5 actually so maybe i will just do these ref sheets throughout the week before bed#the funny thing about this ref sheet is this is prob the only time ever actually going to draw charles' whole back... lmao...#i mean never say never so Very Rarely will i draw his whole back. and standing ajerlkvjalkj#idk ref sheets are just fun and easy and relaxing for me to do .... and brother i wanna relax gjERLKJAEL#i have my mandatory sketches lined up to finish this week so i earned a lil doodlin i think !!!!!!#i usually dont work on weekends but.. its a lot so jvLRKVJARLKJV BUT ANYWAY#observe. god its so illegal having him stand i promise ill never do it again unless i like have to for some rare reason vjEALVJAE#i had a savage lands arc idea but who knows if ill go through with it#i debated adding that lil ring from that scrapped tas design but i dont think ima make that a consistent thing#prob use it for like. one or two jokes or whatever other temporary purposes...#was i going to say anything else. OH YEAH i wanted to see what charles looked like wtih brown eyes...#i was stalking my tags and i was reminded he had brown eyes sometimes and as your resident brown eyed bestie i wanted To See..#i fear i do like giving him contacts...... but his blue eyes arent bad either so now im in a predicament !!!!!#we'll see what happens ill probably stick with blue just for popularity sake but who knows#anyway !!! i am very weary and i am very busy this week so good night !!!!!!
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one of my favourite aspects of supernatural that you very rarely see in paranormal shows is that sam and dean are already versed in the world they live in. there’s no sudden discovery of ghosts and demons and now they have to learn about them along with the audience; they are born into it and already know all about it. it allows the audience to follow their personal story instead of also trying to figure out this new world and its rules
the first season is full of knowledge we never see them learn; “w*ndigoes are in the minnesota woods or- or northern michigan. i’ve never even heard of one this far west.” […] “great. well then this [his gun] is useless.” (1x02), “you don’t break a curse. you get the hell out of its way.” (1x08), d: “it’s a god. a pagan god, anyway.” […] “the annual cycle of its killings? and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman. like some kind of fertility right.” […] s: “the last meal. given to sacrificial victims. d: “yeah, i’m thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god.” (1x11)
almost every episode in the first season is a monster they’ve faced before that they then explain to the audience in a way that should feel patronising; like it’s the same speech given over and over again but instead, the audience almost feels included in the knowledge. it’s stated with such an innate confidence and comfort in said knowledge that it feels like we already knew it too; “spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. if they want inside, they just go through the walls.” […] “the claws, the speed that it moves; could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog.” (1x02), “it's biblical numerology. you know noah's ark, it rained for forty days. the number means death.” (1x04), “no no no, not the reaper, a reaper. there's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names.” […] “you said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? reapers stop time. and you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why i could see it and you couldn't.” (1x12)
they already know and, at least in the first season, already have what they need to kill whatever they’re hunting; already know to salt and burn bones for spirits, fire for a w*ndigo, exorcisms for demons, a silver bullet to the heart for shapeshifters. there’s only three times in the entire first season that they run into something new to them; 1x14 when sam gets his first vision that leads him to another psychic, 1x16 when dean calls caleb for help on the sigil he put together and he tells him about daevas, and 1x20 when they find out vampires are real- and they only don’t know that bc john thought they were hunted to extinction and not worth mentioning
(there’s also technically two half instances if you count one of them knowing something the other doesn’t - sam figuring out the tulpa in 1x17 and dean already knowing about the shtriga in 1x18 - but those still rely on sam and dean having prior knowledge)
even when they’re uncertain about facing something, it’s not bc they don’t know what it is; it’s precisely bc they know what it is and acknowledge that it’ll be a difficult hunt (“i don't know, man. this isn't our normal gig. i mean, demons, they don't want anything, just death and destruction for its own sake. this is big. and i wish dad was here.” 1x04)
so much of the tension in paranormal shows typically comes from the main character(s) not knowing what is happening to them/the people around them and having to find out how to resolve it. supernatural is unique in that it operates more like a police procedural. the tension comes from solving the clues and identifying patterns to figure out who (what) the killer is and intercepting before they can take another victim
it’s such a different tone to go for when compared to other shows that came both before, during, and after its run. it sets sam and dean on even footing with each other since they both have the same knowledge going in, and it puts them in a place of authority usually reserved for an outside character
the shows i compare spn to most is charmed, buffy and teen wolf; every main character in those shows are brought into the paranormal world knowing nothing, putting them on the same level as the audience, and they have their mc interact with others already knowledgeable about that world in order to overcome their problem/monster of the week. the audience organically learns about this new world as the characters learn about it. it’s a sound writing strategy that prevents “as we already know”-style exposition but something that complicates it is if your world building isn’t unique or intriguing enough, this slow introduction can become boring
we’ve seen shows like these before; sitting through the same tropes of characters learning to use their powers, struggling with no longer feeling normal/relating to the regular world around them, and not knowing how much they can trust the people already involved in this new world gets repetitive. all three shows eventually reach the same level of comfort with their new world that spn starts with but if the characters aren’t enough to draw you in, you can end up dropping it before they reach that point (and often, before the overarching plot can really kick in and evolve the show beyond the villain of the week format)
it’s the superhero origin movie in tv format; dragged out and overplayed. dropping the audience into an established world of course comes with its own problems but you also have the benefit of pre-existing established character dynamics that let the audience slot in like they’ve always been there instead of just getting to know all the characters while the characters also get to know each other
sam and dean already knowing about the supernatural lets the audience immediately get to the core of the story; the conflict between sam and dean, the search for their father, and the mystery of what killed their mother
#i could go on forever theres literally so many examples#dean figuring the ‘two dark doubles’ is a shapeshifter sam figuring out the changing ghost is a tulpa#also peak how many of these examples come from dean despite them pushing so hard for sam to be the one knowing hunting theory#this format is why i cant stand watching the first season of charmed despite loving it so much#i just cant be bothered watching them have the same struggle ive seen a hundred times play out again#different genre but sons of anarchy does this well too; all the characters are already in the club life and already have inner conflict#spn having such a natural introduction makes me so glad they didnt go with the original plan of sam not knowing about hunting#that wouldve been Painful#watching spn so young has really shaped my view of media bc i legit cant stand things with a learning curve#give me an established world damnit#lord of the rings never stops to explain what a dwarf is! you just go with it! and it rules!#dean is just as theoretical and lore savvy as sam and id go as far to say he actually knows more#instead of trying to do this bullshit brains v brawn divide they shouldve done new tech vs analogue#sams laptop is famous and he also knows how to hack thing where the second dean doesnt know something he defaults to books#have dean be the one where if its written down he can find it almost like a proto bobby#they even kind of support that by him being the one to find the phoenix in s6 when they go through all their books#but this was 2005 and characters could only be so conplex and theyd already decided dean needed to be the hot one and sams the nerd one#side note how many of these metas am i going to write on this rewatch? tbd#side side note included all the quotes and episode numbers makes me feel so academic#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#carry on my wayward son#talk meta to me#meta#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#dean winchester#sam winchester#save post
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Hello, Spamton!
How's life? Also, do you have any opinions on the Addisons? (Pink, blue, orange, and yellow)
If so, what do you think of them?
#raaughhh ruhhh i am immediately going tyo bed ive been working on it. almost all day so if you see mistakes NO YOU DONT#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#still frame asks on regular in exchange for animated ones is a pretty good deal i think#rruuhahahah#Now this is the point where id say why you pissed him off but id be lying becaus he isnt#And i like the asks about the addisons despite people forgetting that they are indeed a topic lol#i would just say that askihin him on HIS opinions on them will get you a slew of censored brackets and a largely irritated guy#Im sure eventually youll figure out a good question that will get him talking in a way you want but for now its either : youre flatout#ignored or insulted..... or he only answers whatever else you put in there. which counts as being ignored. mu ha ha#at least for the “your opinion” ones but i do like this ask#as per usual the tag paragraph#eat well my disgusting bug horde im going to bed even though i had other plans
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once again the muppet is causing me Medical Anxiety! just had to drop over $300 on an emergency vet visit because of worrisome poops, and I'd like to take her in to her regular vet for some proper bloodwork/urinalysis, since i couldn't afford to do those at the emergency vet 🙃
so, if anybody has a bit of cash to spare so we can get her seen ASAP, that'd be rad! 😩
Ko-Fi | Cashapp | Venmo
#pidge pets#boost#feel like it goes without saying but this little gal is my whole world#and i have been stressing myself sick trying to make sure she's okay#im a lil bit worried its an issue with her kidneys and id like to know as soon as possible#i get paid friday but ive got bills ans shit and i very much live paycheck to paycheck so o|-< yeah#so uuuh boost if you cant donate bc i get it we are all broke around here#she's okay for now and she's at least got her appetite back#but she's old and so small im worried it could go bad fast if i dont figure out what the deal is
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I WANT ENDLESS BLISS!!!
HALF-AWAKE, HALF-DEAD, HALF-LIFE CRISIS
ALL NATURAL POMEGRANATE PULP.
FERMENTED TO PERFECTION, SAVOUR YOUR SAVIOR.
Q: What's your favourite food? A: THE ALE THEY SERVE AT THE TAVERN!
other versions : )
#uhhhh happy pride month have a fucked up chilchuck that im really proud of#i took so long on that hair rendering just so i could cover it up with the stars...#this was a reaaaally experimental one#if i had another go at this id change a lot of things but sometimes you gotta know when to stop#ive learned my lesson from this one so ill do another one with my knowledge now ykyk#ive discovered i reaaaallly reaaaaaally like thin lines#still figuring out how rendering + painting works but hey it was a nice attempt!!#this is my first finished peice in a looongggg loooooongggg time and it makes me really happy how well it came out#i guess switching things up really helped with things.. i usually get stuck at flat colors because i get so bored#cw alcohol#cw alcoholism#eyestrain#<- maybe? its really saturated#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#by the way i always thought him saying “ale” as an answer to “favourite food” was odd#maybe its a translation thing where theres a japanese wprd that covers both food and drink and the translator just estimated it to “food”?#cause if its not... sir??? chilchuck thats not a food... my man... you have a problem...#this is#[ tragedy au ]#but honestly you could take it as set in canon#by the way do you like my little poem : ) im pspspsps-ing at the dungeon meshi fandom/fandom in general to write more poetry/short lit#maybe ill tweek it and post the poem on ao3.... shrug !
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sketch dump
#id in alt text#my art#dw#doctor who#tenth doctor#ive figured out the secret to drawing this fucker . just gotta give em the biggest saddest eyes#sorry for the lackluster id i dont really think theres much 2 say about these ? its just me drawing 10 over and over
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would you like a first addition miku action figure?
Thanks for the offer though! And thanks for letting me see it I really--
INTERNAL CONSTIPATED SCREAMING
--appreciate it!
#/say (introduction)#mcaskblog#sbbg#rudell#otaku respecting other otakus is what I wanna see around here!!#ok so i did think about this and HEAR ME OUT but#how do people know that the first edition merch/action figure isn't a fake one?#my guess is they probably use a similar system to NFTs except they use it in its (initial) intended way?#aka giving digital objects a specific ID to make it different than anything else (or smth along that line i think?)#(also if you wonder where ive been)#(Been struggling with mental issues)#(so im sorry if the quality is a bit off!! im working on it on my better days :D)
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doesnt post for like a month -> comes back with obscure kids show fanart -> leaves
#id in alt#forgive me for hugos dogwater pose hes just a little awkward thas all(i was gonna put his hand on his hip but i couldnt figure out how to:#lenas ranch#ranchen#le ranch#uhhh#lena steiner#anaïs jo#hugo fa#angelo ranchen#i dont think he has a last name even tho the german wiki says its roma but i refuse to believe that the only romani character is named ROMA#i actually dk if hes actually romani in the show i think so but either way he is now#mynös art tag#im gonna draw the horses tmrw after school probably bc ive been having a lot of fun figuring out their breeds and what theyd look like:3#digital art#art#artist selection#it wasnt supposed to be weezer at first but both me and my sister independantly went “omg weezer....” after i put it on the loreforge so
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I've been thinking about alien stage and milgram so
All in (Hyuna and Till) but it's with Kotoko and Fuuta
OOHH I've been going crazy over this -- I've only touched on Milgram/Alien Stage aus a bit but now I'm hooked 👀 I was playing around for a while with how to incorporate the song specifically, and had a ton of fun with this lyric/scene experiment, haha! I was shocked at how well the song would suit them even in Milgram canon... I used gender neutral descriptions for the Mizi-character because I'm not sure who people would picture for that role, and wanted to leave it open. Also um. tw major character death :( sorry.
Your eyes grow wide at my dazzling entrance, and your heart beats fast, OK! There's no point fighting back – this is the march of the fools.
The rebel leader stands proudly on the stage. Her followers practically howl at her arrival. Their gathering spot may have been a secret, but they didn’t bother being quiet about their excitement. The tides are turning, and everyone feels it. It doesn’t matter what kind of front the aliens put up; everyone knows the fear that their leader strikes into her enemies. Every planet, moon, and ship knows what she’s capable of. They know that going up against her brass knuckles will only have one outcome for them. No matter the cost, Yuzuriha Kotoko will come out on top.
Endless cheer and applause – I hear the song grow louder and louder. Fill up the entire nebula!
The contestant brings his guitar down with all the force he can muster, sparks flying out and scorching his hands. The audience roars at the display. He’s tired of all those eyes watching him, but at least he’s making them all watch as he destroys some little piece of them. For now, they only find morbid curiosity in his fruitless rage, but someday he’ll sing loud enough, act loud enough, scream loud enough that the galaxy will be forced to hear him. To alien and human alike, the face of Kajiyama Fuuta is an icon of rebellion.
Just laugh, hey kick and break ya! To the galaxy shining bright, chi-cheers. Change the game with a single action. Trust me and I'll show you, chi-cheers.
Kotoko’s boot cracks bones on impact. It wasn’t even her steel leg that had rendered her enemy into this mess. The alleyway is too hidden and the neon city street too distracted for anyone to hear the alien’s final cries at her feet. Her team catches up with her, breathless with exertion and shock at the victim she leaves in her wake. As soon as she holds up what they came here to get, all doubt leaves them. Their ship will echo with celebration tonight.
We only get one life, so I'm living mine for me, cause I'm the one from your wildest dreams. I'll create a fantasy in this crazy world and change it all, I'm going all-in.
“Ha-ha –!” Fuuta hasn’t heard himself laugh in a long time. It isn’t a pleasant sound, and neither is the chaos that follows as the fight escalates. But damn, did it feel good. The lights of the paparazzi blind him as he’s yanked out of a magnetic train car. The crowd deafens him. The aliens around him bruise and break him down. But he holds tight to the things deep in his mind. He imagines himself as a shining hero. He thinks of them – his own hero. He conjures up a world that’s better for both of them. It’s for this reason he wrenches his arm away from those holding him back. Though his collar buzzes with electricity, he takes another swing.
A universe brimming with dreams… Who will remain standing at the end of it all? Don't you wanna know? Caught within rules without rules, a bird is set free. I hear the song grow louder, fill up the entire nebula!
As the glass shatters around her, Kotoko can’t help but savor the moment suspended in the air. Given her many escapes over the years, she hadn’t been worried about making it out in one piece. And yet her heart races each time she tastes freedom again. She lands on her feet, pausing to make sure her newest recruit is keeping up. Kotoko flashes a wide, toothy smile at them, and they return it shakily. They seem a bit shaken by all the blood that had been spilled on the way, but Kotoko is proud of how quickly they’ve adapted to this liberated lifestyle. She’s riding the thrill of success, knowing she’s changed the outcome of Alien Stage once again. Another weak human saved from their captors. Another victory.
Just laugh, hey kick and break ya! To the galaxy shining bright, chi-cheers. Change the game with a single action. Trust me and I'll show you, chi-cheers.
Smoke chokes Fuuta’s lungs, but it doesn’t hold him back. The private dinner room is full of the rich and powerful as they eat, smoke, and laugh at humans’ expense. They place bets on the upcoming competition rounds. They harass Fuuta to perform for them, eyes of all shapes and colors boring into him. Through the haze and dim lights, the spark of resistance is burning as bright as always. He dares to talk back at a figure who is not used to being talked back to. Fuuta dodges a few strikes, even getting in a few kicks of his own before he’s overwhelmed with a blow to his right eye.
We only get one life, so I'm living mine for me, cause I'm the one from your wildest dreams. I'll create a fantasy in this crazy world and change it all, I'm going all-in.
Kotoko tries to hide her snarl at the massive advertisement screens they pass. Even flying by at these speeds, she gets a clear look at the Alien Stage champion and his coy smile. It churns her stomach. She had always wondered why any contestant would willingly stand up there and sing, knowing it would get someone else killed. They were complicit in murder, if you asked her. But this man – his actions were far more than “complicit.” The face of a tiny girl flashes through her mind. For a moment, she’s lost in a vision of the girl by her side – still laughing, still carefree in the world that Kotoko is working towards. Reality returns to her. She discharges her weapon directly into an alien’s face.
Every obstacle in my way, I've crushed them all. Step all over me but I'll rise again. It's you who's in the wrong, bet you had no idea.
The lights go up, and Fuuta sways on his feet. He finds himself instantly winded as he starts to sing. The heat from the show’s pyrotechnics make him even dizzier. His good eye surveys the crowd. He would not let these villains win. They took the people he cared about. They took the people who cared about him. Hell, they even took his guitar. He knows that by the end, they’ll take his life, too. It’s all the more reason to continue. He sees now that his intensity had inspired others, even if it hadn’t saved them. Fuuta refuses to go down quietly. He refuses to stop singing. He opens his mouth:
“Hey!”
Kotoko shouts it after the new recruit, but their mind is made up. She’s left clutching at her injury and frantically typing on the huge machine, trying to complete their original mission. The screen streaming the event flashes with images of the redhead pouring his heart out onstage. Kotoko lets out a strangled sound of frustration and stands to follow.
Just laugh, hey kick and break ya! To the galaxy shining bright, chi-cheers. Change the game with a single action. Trust me and I'll show you, chi-cheers. Whatever comes to mind, give it a chance. Contemplate all you want, won't change a thing.
Blood pools around the losing contestant. All that shouting and he can’t even choke out a goodbye, now. The intruder stands in the one place she spent her life fighting tooth and nail to escape forever. They lock eyes. They’d only heard accounts of the other, but in that brief moment, they understand. They are just two humans, two loud humans, who had a vision of how bright the universe could be someday. Despite it all, they both ended up here, doomed to die on this stage after singing out to an uncaring audience. Fuuta’s gaze slips away. He offers one last smile to his hero. For the first and last time, he is content. Kotoko turns her attention away from them, to the audience. She clenches her fists and feels very far from content.
Don’t you dare stop now –
Justice assemble! Till the end –
Ride the waves of passing time, and run with the wind 'til morning, don't stop.
#milgram#kotoko yuzuriha#fuuta kajiyama#alien stage#CURSE YOU ANON FOR MAKING ME SAD ABOUT TILL ALL OVER AGAIN WAAHHH#id say i still havent recovered from blink gone but honestly all of the till sections reminded me just how shitty he had it -_-#thank you for your patience!! i literally started working on this one right away but writing has just been so slow going rip#but i really enjoyed thinking about them filling these roles and how their canon symbolism/strengths/flaws would tie in 👀👀👀#i wanted to do more with fuutas potential religiousness next trial and the alien stage symbol of god but could quite fit it in right#i imagined luka as kotokos victim just for the sake of the lucky flashback but i know people probably wanted a milgram character oops#so i figured i could at least leave mizi open. ive seen several aus with mahiru in that spot#but i feel like 02/06/08/09 could all fill that role of fuutas (possibly platonic) savior and kotokos new partner in crime#not connected to this but you should go check out moibakadesus milgram/alien stage art from yesterday (featuring till-fuuta + hyuna-kotoko)#drabbles
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Today I realised, while describing Jason and Janet to my partner, that the reason I love them is that they are the same kinda ship as Tootsie and Megagirl
#when the southern himbo loves the helper robot#they are the same TO ME#Except their moral alignments are switched. What a day to be alive.#ive been rewatching The Good Place since ive only seen it once and never rewatched it with the context of the ending#and after figuring this out all i could hear is DOWNLOADING NEW EMOTION -- IT IS LOVE when janet begins to get more advanced#like look me in the eyes: wouldnt jason say “id love you even if you was the horse that ate my cousin”#the good place#starkid#starkid starship#starship#jason and janet#jason x janet#jason mendoza#janet good place#tootsie megagirl
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Im not even sticking around for the drama that stuff gives me heart diseases im just here to see where this guys gonna lead us and to make fun of him if it ends up bad and ignore it if it was good
#That one tweet the good sir made abt comparing the stories (potential) ending to onk's lifted one of my eyebrows now im intrigued#Ive always had issues with it since I started it lmao#its good at making people think unfortunately theres just 1 too many flaws in how it executes it now were here#Like i said if he really wanted this to nail the landing its should've just been a multiple choice video game / visual novel / whatever#Not only will we get to see the other routes we'll have more things to discuss with eachother#and the fandom is less likely to turn into a political argument twitter esque cesspool#Like i understand why a live big audience like this was chosen; The IRREVERSIBLE Community Voting nails the 'This is what you wanted'#idea home; where all participants who are interested are directly put in the chair of Jury & Judge & even though YOUR idea might seem good#not everyone would agree with it#Like its good on paper but seriously it wouldve worked better if it just focussed on 1 guy per viewing like idk disco Elysium or umineko or#any other well known well thought out ''Your actions & thoughts have consequences'' games#Like you put 10 (/11) characters in the spotlight & youre supposed to figure out everyones deal and judge them correctly#but we cant do that when theres 1. only 3 chances to change the direction of their development / get deeper insight#2. They dont even exist outside of the main attraction which are the mvs#3. They can just die unsatisfyingly without any conclusion to their arcs or explanations if the audience fucks it up badly#Like what are you gonna do when this story finishes? Make it a time loop to give the audience another chance to explore their characters?#Umineko no naku koro ni can be downloaded for free through umineko-project.org or purchased through steam or bought physically from a game-#nillas#vanili powder#i love having hatred in my heart I needed something else to make fun of after Mashima ended EZ like that#I can make fun of episode 8 but im too much of a coward to rlly point things out As Of Now so mlgrm going out in flames woukd be fun#im not saying it Should id love it if a miracle can occur and save its issues thats been there since the premise but yea. I dont think so.#anti milgram
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people need to write more zombie au's for my favorite characters
#something thats not a rec#im kidding btw#of course id like more#but this is me saying#i should write zombie au fics#bucky barnes x zombie au#is like a match made in heaven#i love bucky barnes so much tho that ive never written for him#like im afraid id ruin him for me uknow#inshallah one day#i wish i could write like a hella long slow burn#for bucky#zombie au#not exactly enemies to lovers#maybe a bit of an age gap and some mistrust for the new comer reader#and then they slowly warm up to eachother but bucky thinks no way she sees him like that#and then she gets in some kind of trouble and he recklessly saves her#and they figure it out somehow#id love
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THERE ARW PEOPLE PUTTING MY SHADOWPEACH YAOI ON TIKTOK?
#AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT AT 1AM WHEN I HAVE A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT AT 9??#I. WELL ITS CREDITED SO I APPRECIATE THAY BUT. A WARNING WOULD BE NICE? LIKE U COJLD JUSY DM ME AND ID SAY HELL YEAH BROTHER????#ITS 2 AM NOW BYW. ITS BEEN 20 MINUTES#SORRY IF IM OVERREACTING IVE NEVER SEEN MY STUFF REPOSTED LET ALONE FUCKING TIKTOK. VERY CONFUSED#HUH. HMMMM#GOOD SIGN TO MAKE MY WATERMARK BIGGER I GUESS#ILL FIGURE IT OHT TMRW WHEN TJE DENTIST MAKES MY GUMS BLEED OR WHATEVER GN#yapping
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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i always say im able-bodied bc i feel like it best describes my General Lived Experience but i do have that like. thing in my legs where if i walk briskly for some distance (like 500 meters) i get this crushing pain in my whole lower legs which gets worse and worse if i keep walking until i eventually have to sit down for a few minutes and wait for it to go away. which im still trying to get diagnosed bc so far artery scans and muscle ultrasounds render nothing. and ngl it is like, an issue often enough and is a pretty bothersome thing when it happens (like not only bc its extremely painful but also having to find some place to sit down in the middle of the street and having to stay there a while isnt awesome) so im not entirely sure "able-bodied" fully describes me but i also am not sure its a disability bc we dont know wtf it is. so i guess im kind of in a weird inbetween where i err on the side of just assuming its not a disability and its just like, an annoying body thing..
#97#i guess if it happened every single day or something i would probably feel more confident identifying it as like....#idk some type of disability or at least something worth integrating into my definition of my general health#and ensuing relationship to my body to the medical system etc etc#but bc it only happens when i walk briskly for a bit and i dont even go out for a walk every day it doesnt feel worth mentioning#anyway ive had this since 2019 or 2018 lol but the first round of attempted diagnosing i gave up early#and for a few years i just ignored it which is easier when i dont get out a lot anyway#but im currently in the process of attempting to figure out what it is again..#by september ill know if its compartment syndrome which has been brought up but is apparently unlikely#thats the last exam were doing so. if its not that then ngl idk what the next options are#bc this was everything my doctor could think of to explain it#another thing abt it not being diagnosed and not clearly being a disability is i dont dare ask for a seat in public when i need one lol#which has been an issue a few times where every seat is taken but i REALLY need to sit to stop the pain#if i could say 'excuse me i have (x thing) i really need a seat' id maybe dare to ask#but i dont manage to just be like 'hey could i get a seat my legs hurt' lol
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