#Ivan: nice cover up sir

[little-cereal-draws]

Nikolai: What do we call overthrowing the government? The Darkling: A hobby. Nikolai: The Darkling: Nikolai: The Darkling: That I do not engage in.

[quinloki]

For the Self-Ship/OTP asks: 32, 33, 35, 42, & 57

Honestly, I'd say just pick any one or combo of blorbos you want. I don't think I have anyone in mind for these asks, I'm just curious across the board.

Oh my friend! <3 I love these questions and I love the ability just kind of pick and choose as I go through it <3 This is just what I think I needed today (I got more bad news T-T can you believe it? I didn't even get a full month I swear. I'm so tired of this year.)

32. Who’s the better story teller?

Marco - we’re pretty well matched, I think, but I also feel like he just enjoys listening to me talk. So he tends to prompt me to tell stories more than offer his own.

Kid - I think he’s taking notes so he can be a better story teller, but I definitely have him beat currently. XD he does make little metal characters based off my stories though, I almost want to give him the win just from that.

Sabo - he has practice regaling Luffy from their younger days, but the fact that Luffy and Ace were his primary audience shows xD lots of sudden monster appearances and epic battles.

Sir Crocodile- not one for story telling, but he’ll let me ramble about my ideas and daydreams. If I wanted to write professionally Ivan see him pulling out all the stops to support that.

Thatch - tends to build stories with me. He’s not the best on his own, but he always makes my stories better so I think he deserves the win on this one.

33. Who’s the better cook?

All of them have me beat. I might outdo Sabo by sheer luck, but we’re both barred from cooking after the last time 😅

35. Who’s more artistic?

Thatch is way more artistic than me. Especially in the kitchen, but base cooking skill aside his icing work is beautiful.

I’m more artistic than Crocodile, but I don’t think he cares to draw or paint. He might say he has artistry in the way he marks me >.>

I think Kid is an exceptionally detailed artist, but only if he’s doing schematics. I think he gets too caught up in his head to draw just to draw and apply those precision skills to portraits, but he’s definitely doing better than Sabo.

I don’t think Sabo can draw stick figures. ^^; I do think he has amazing color theory skills though - so if you can lay down line work for him he can bring it to life.

Marco I think is super artistic, but aside from doing detailed miniature paintings on bar coasters, he doesn’t do anything else. And he doesn’t really share/show off the coasters.

42. What’s their favorite type of weather to enjoy together? (getting snowed in together, watching thunderstorms, etc.)

Everyone of them appreciates a nice blizzard and the “need” to stay cozied up so that no one gets too cold.

>.>

<.<

But MY favorite weather is a nice rolling thunderstorm. I’m bringing Marco and Crocodile around on it - especially if it gets incorporated into sexy times. Marco likes to use the thunder to cover the sounds of moans so that I can be louder without alerting the whole ship, and Crocodile likes the way the lightning dances against the jewels he likes to leave me in.

57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

Sabo and I are a disaster when it comes to shopping. It’s all mad science and impulse buys. Koala provides a list and we don’t miss anything on it >.>

Marco “lets” me push the cart so he can fill it. … without my help ^^; (I mean, I can say “hey I wanna try this” it’s not like I get no say >.> )

Kid and I had an argument about tomatoes and are banned from several area grocers. Killer is better suited for it anyway, since he’s taking care of that stuff for the crew.

Thatch controls things for the most part, but he won’t stop me from putting whatever in the cart. It’s fun because I can pull him into my mad science and he helps keep it from being a complete disaster xD

Crocodile does not grocery shop. I’ve almost forgotten what a grocery store looks like with him in my life 😅

[kissorkill16]

Stay Out Of Trouble: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

Summary: Enzo and Ivan run into Mr. Peterson while setting up a new treehouse in Ivan's backyard.

P.S., for @fallenfelina

Ivan and Enzo were carrying boxes of tools to the new treehouse that Ivan himself set up. Ivan Torre, a 10 year old, in middle school, built this very treehouse with his gloved hands. Some might find it unbelievable, but not if you're a genius.

"One problem, Ivan. How're we supposed to climb the ladder if our hands are full?", asked Enzo.

"Don't worry, Enzo. I planned exclusively for this. I built an elevator in the back. Follow me."

The two boys walked to the back of the house, and set the boxes down. Ivan pulled the rope that lifted the elevator up into the inside of the treehouse. As they were inside, they started unpacking all of the tools.

"I can't believe you did all of this.", said Enzo.

"Well believe it, my friend. And while you're believing, let's go get the rest of my tools."

They made their way down the elevator of the treehouse and ran to the yard which was littered with boxes, they picked up one box each and started making their way back to the treehouse, but instead ran into the broad chest of a towering Mr. Peterson.

The two boys stilled in their places, clutching the boxes in their hands. Mr. Peterson loomed over them, but he didn't do or say anything, he just stared at them. It was extremely creepy.

Enzo cleared his throat and nervously smiled at the man. "Hello, neighbor.", he said, trying to sound casual, but instead sounded more scared.

Ivan wasn't standing in fear, but amazement. He had always had a celebrity crush on Mr. Peterson. He loved all of his rollercoasters, all of the beautiful, daring, high rides he built. Ever since he was a little kid, he had always wanted to meet him, he hadn't even known he recently moved to Raven Brooks. Ivan nearly dropped the box in his hands.

"You know him?", asked Ivan.

"Uh...yeah. He's my ex best friend's dad.", Enzo whispered back to Ivan. "Met him a couple of months ago."

"And you think to tell me now?!", Ivan nearly yelled.

"You were busy building your treehouse!"

Ivan pushed the box he was holding into Enzo's hands, and turned back to Mr. Peterson. "Hello, Mr. Peterson! My name is Ivan Torre. It's so nice to meet you. I've always wanted to meet you!", he said. His eyes sparkled with delight, it was the cutest thing you'd ever see, considering Ivan was only ten.

Mr. Peterson didn't say anything, he just kept staring at him. He looked behind him to the treehouse, then back at him. "Did you build this?"

"Uh huh."

"How old are you, young man?"

"Ten years old, sir."

Mr. Peterson's eyebrows raised in surprise. Like I said before, it's pretty unbelievable that a ten year old built a treehouse.

Enzo just stared at Mr. Peterson, he didn't like what he saw, but he couldn't look away. The man had eye bags, they almost looked darker than his gloves, which were covered in something that looked like blood. Blood? Why does Mr. Peterson have blood on his hands?

Meanwhile, Ivan and Mr. Peterson were just chatting away about how remarkable it was that Ivan built this treehouse all by himself. Enzo intervened about a minute later.

"Listen, Mr. Peterson. I don't want to sound rude, but we're a little busy at the moment, so if you could please leave, that'd be great.", said Enzo.

Mr. Peterson raised his eyebrows again, but nodded. "I apologize, I didn't know I was interrupting something.", he said. He turned around to leave, but before he did, he turned back around and said "You two stay out of trouble."

Ivan didn't know what he meant by that, but Enzo had a pretty bad feeling that he didn't mean something pleasant. Enzo waited until he couldn't see Mr. Peterson anymore before he gave Ivan back his box.

"What's the matter?", asked Ivan. "Do you have something against Mr. Peterson?"

Enzo looked back at him, "I'd tell you, but I'm scared you wouldn't believe me."

[reinarandraw]

“Sam is here for you, Boss,” Fang called from the manager office’s door.

OFMD Rare Pair Week 2023 @ofmdrarepairweek​

Day 01: Coffee Shops / Roommates / Confessions [art & 1.5k oneshot]

You can read a quick oneshot for this fill on [AO3]  or you can read it under the cut

“Sam is here for you, Boss,” Fang called from the manager office’s door.

Izzy looks up from Queen Anne’s Coffee daily cash book on his laptop and takes a deep sigh. For four weeks on every Wednesday around 4-5 PM, a man dressed in nice suits always visits their coffee shop and makes the same order. A medium size cup of hot black coffee. He’s polite, charming, and always leaves a big tip. 

Sam only wants Izzy to brew his coffee.

Four weeks ago Izzy was forced to cover the afternoon shift because Ivan needed to go A&E due to food poisoning. Around 5 PM, a man dressed in an immaculate suit entered the slightly crowded coffee house. Although he was accompanied by a tall bald man who seemed to be his assistant or bodyguard, his presence stole everyone’s attention. He walked with the confidence of a man who was used to living in the spotlight. He smiled at Izzy when it was his turn to order.

“Hello, one black coffee please,” the man said with a low rumbling voice that managed to shake his core.

Izzy didn’t believe in love at first sight, but maybe it was possible for someone to fall deep for someone’s voice.

Izzy learned the man’s name is Sam and he also learned that Sam was very peculiar with his coffee.

“God damn, this is the best coffee I’ve had since I arrived in London,” Sam told him with a big smile. He sounded American. “You, sir, are a genius. Can you tell me how you brew this?”

Since there was no line, Izzy humored the man and answered his question. By the end of his explanation, Sam was so happy with him, he left a tip in the tip jar.

“What the fuck? That’s enough to buy another cup!” Izzy pointed out.

“For your excellent coffee and your excellent impromptu tutoring,” Sam told him. “Until we meet again,” he said with a wink.

That wink almost gave him a heart attack.

Sam’s next visit was during Fang’s shift. Because Sam asked Fang so nicely for Izzy, Fang did his best to drag Izzy out from his little office. The next one was during Ivan’s shift and Ivan immediately came to find him without being asked by Sam.

And now is Sam’s fourth visit.

“Boss, your crush is waiting,” Fang teases him.

“I don’t have a fucking crush!” Izzy denies as he walks out from his office. He does have a crush on Sam, but no one needs to know.

“You should ask for his number,” Fang suggests while following Izzy.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Izzy dismisses him. “I’m not a fucking teenager.”

“Why not? He seems to be around our age,” Fang argues. 

“He’s a customer.”

“Then why were you two flirting with each other all the time?”

Izzy’s steps come to a halt. He turns around to face Fang. “What?”

“You chatted with him even after you gave him his coffee,” Fang explains. “You hate small talk.”

“It’s not small talk. He asked me about coffee!” Izzy insists.

“Sure.” Fang nods his head even though he has a mischievous smile on his face. “Just ask for his number, Boss. It’s been five months since your divorce with Ed.”

Izzy grumbles. He doesn’t like to think about his ex-husband Ed. Thankfully, their divorce wasn’t that messy because he could prove Edward was cheating on him with Stede fucking Bonnet. Edward was also happy to give the ownership of Queen Anne’s Coffee to Izzy since he claimed he was bored of managing it. Edward lived and worked with Bonnet in Gentleman Dining now, off with his fancy rich boyfriend. Good fucking riddance.

“Just ask, Boss,” Fang says, “the worst he can do is saying no. I’m pretty sure Sam likes you as well.”

The thought of someone like Sam liking him makes his heart soar. “You think so?”

“Me and Ivan think so,” Fang says.

The coffee shop is a bit crowded at this hour, yet Izzy finds his eyes falling on sam. It’s hard to ignore the man since his double breasted suit looks too expensive for the neighborhood. His easy going smile greets him, making his ridiculously good looking face shine even more. Izzy tells his heart to stop beating too fast.

“Welcome to Queen Anne’s Coffee,” Izzy greets him as he puts on his apron.

“Hi, Izzy,” Sam answers, “one black coffee as usual, please.”

Izzy immediately moves to the coffee machine and starts to make Sam’s coffee. He’s acutely aware of Sam’s eyes on him. He doesn’t understand why Sam’s gaze makes his hands tremble.

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Sam says to him.

“Fuck, yeah. Sorry,” Izzy mumbles.

“Is something wrong?” Sam asks, voice fills with concert that compels him to tell this man his woe.

Fuck, fuck. How should he approach this? It’s been too long since he asked someone out. Can he just ask for someone’s number out of the blue?

“Izzy?” Sam asks again when Izzy seemingly has stopped working. Izzy looks up and stares directly at Sam’s eyes. “Can I ask for your number?”

Sam is still smiling at him, but his eyes look a bit confused. “My number?”

Shit. Did Ivan and Fang misread the whole situation? Fuck! “Yes. Your number,” Izzy confirms. Fuck, he hopes this won’t be too embarrassing.

Sam leans to the counter. The confusion is gone, replaced by amusement. Izzy doesn’t know if this was better or worse. “You want my number?”

“For fuck’s sake, if you don’t want to give it just say it!” Izzy cut the chase, face starting to get warmer. “No need to be a dick, you twat.”

Surprisingly, Sam breaks into laughter. “Oh my god, this is the best day of my life. No one has ever called me a twat right to my face.”

Izzy frowns. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make fun of you,” Sam explains. “You caught me off guard with your question. People don't just go to me and ask for my phone number. They usually go to my assistant first."

Izzy stares at him dumbfounded. Is this a rich people thing?

"Do you have a napkin so I can write down my number?" Sam asks.

After he gives the napkin, Izzy continues to prepare Sam's coffee while the other man jots down his number. At the end, they swap the coffee with Sam's phone number written in a neat big number.

"That's my number while I'm in London," Sam tells him. "Do me a favor and don't give that to anyone. There are only four other people who know that number."

Ah, so this must be his personal number. Izzy feels honored to get this number. "How long are you going to stay in London?"

"For another month at least," Sam replies. "But I just closed a big deal so I'm sure I'm going to go back and forth between New York and London pretty often for a year."

That sounds promising. Another reason why Izzy was reluctant to make a move was because he wasn't sure how long Sam would be here.

"If I don't immediately reply to your message, it doesn't mean I'm not interested," Sam tells him. "I'm probably busy. Having clients all over the world also means I have virtual meetings at odd hours so I have a weird work schedule. But rest assured, I'll reply as soon as I have the chance. I promise. I really like to get to know you better, Izzy."

Izzy wants to say more but a new customer has entered the coffee shop.

"That's my cue to leave," Sam says. "I'll be waiting for your text."

With Sam's gone, Izzy goes back to his office to continue his work. It's close to seven when he's finally done with administrative work so takes a break by browsing through the newsite. It's good to keep updated with the recent news. Who knows what fucked up shit the British government is brewing right now.

His eyes catch a newly published article about how a big American holding company would start their business here in the UK. The article includes the photo of smiling people whom Izzy mostly doesn’t recognize except for one person.

Sam was there in the photo.

Izzy already feels  his brain is short circuiting when he sees Sam. His mind makes a mental somersault when the article said that Sam is none other than Samuel Bellamy, the founder and chairman of Bellamy Group, a multinational corporate group from America. 

His mind is completely blown when he googles Samuel Bellamy, he’s not aware of Fang knocking on his door.

“Boss, I’ve been calling your name but you don’t say anything,” Fang says. “Are you ok?”

Izzy turns to Fang. With a look of horror, he says, “I just asked the phone number of the sixth richest man in the world.”

Izzy doesn’t know whether he should be thrilled or horrified by this revelation.

[little-cereal-draws]

Ok I thought this sounded like a pitch for a really messed up sitcom and I’ve been thinking about it. It would have the same plot as the TV show except the characters are flattened into one dimensional caricatures of themselves to better fit the sitcom format. That is, everyone besides Ivan and the darkling. They continue to have their full range of character making them, literally, violently out of place in this world. And because of that, there is some pretty graphic on-screen violence just like in the irl show.

Here is a scene I wrote for it:

THE MURDEROUS MISADVENTURES OF GOTH GRAMPY AND GAY DADDY

INT. of a small cabin. It has an armchair by a small table, a singular window, and a closet. GOTH GRAMPY and GAY DADDY stand in the middle of the room covered in blood. By their feet are the corpses of the couple who owned the cabin. One has been sliced in half. There’s blood everywhere. The audience cheers.

Goth Grampy: siiigh. It really is a shame that they didn’t tell us where they were hiding the Sun Summoner. They were a nice couple.

Gay Daddy: hm. What do you want me to do with their bodies, moi soverenyi?

Goth Grampy: Put them out front as a warning to others who dare to get in my way.

Gay Daddy nods and starts dragging the whole body towards the door, leaving steaks of blood across the floor.

Goth Grampy: And, Ivan? Fetch Fedyor and Zoya while you’re out there. I want as many eyes looking for this pestilent girl as I can.

Gay Daddy: Yes, moi soverenyi.

He exits with the body. He returns shortly and collects the halves of the second body. He is covered in blood. When he returns again he is accompanied by FEDYOR and ZOYA. The audience cheers.

Zoya: You wanted to see us? Or did you just want to see me~?

She tries to hug Goth Grampy from behind but he brushes her off, annoyed. She steps back offended. The audience laughs.

Goth Grampy: Yes, I summoned you here to help me find Alina. She may be alerted to our presence by now but she couldn’t have gotten far. Spread out and look for her.

Fedyor: That’s the spirit, sir! If we all work together, there’s nothing we can’t do!

He strikes a pose and Goth Grampy looks confused and uncomfortable. The audience laughs.

Goth Grampy: That’s… great, Fedyor, now get looking.

They search the very small house. Gay Daddy looks behind the armchair. Fedyor looks under the table. Zoya opens the closet.

SWITCH CAMERAS to show MAL and ALINA stuffed in the comically small closet. They are essentially playing human Tetris to fit. They’re wiggling and whisper arguing with each other but when they notice Zoya, they stop like deer in headlights. The audience cheers.

Zoya: Oh!

Mal: Well, close the door!

The audience laughs. Zoya shuts the door and turns around.

Zoya: I think I might have found them.

The audience laughs. Goth Grampy walks over to the door but Zoya puts herself in front of it.

Zoya: Hold on, don’t I get a reward for finding them? Maybe something like… a kiss?

She closes her eyes and puckers her lips. The audience oooohs as there’s a SLOW ZOOM IN on her and Goth Grampy. Goth Grampy looks disgusted and a bit embarrassed.

Goth Grampy: Not now, Zoya.

He moves her to the side and she falls with a comical yelp. The audience laughs.

Fedyor: Zoya, are you alright?

Zoya: Yeah, I just bruised my knee… and my ego.

The audience laughs. Goth Grampy opens the closet door and pulls Alina out. The audience cheers.

Alina: You’ll never take me alive, Aleksander! Oh… well, I suppose you just did.

The audience laughs.

Goth Grampy: I’ve been looking for you, Miss Starkov. You’ve put me through a great deal of trouble. So many deaths that could hand been easily avoided if you had just cooperated. Deaths caused by your actions. But now we can finally lay all this to rest and finish what we’ve started. Come.

Mal: Not so fast!

The audience cheers.

Goth Grampy: Do you really think you have the upper hand here, tracker? If you want your precious Summoner to live, I suggest you to not put up a fight.

Mal: Oh yeah? Well, I suggest you to not put up THIS!

He grabs a picture off the wall and tries to throw it at Goth Grampy. Before he can make the full throw though, Gay Daddy steps up, hands raised. Mal shakes and grunts as Gay Daddy slowly crushes his heart. The audience laughs.

Goth Grampy: Very good, Ivan. We’ll be in the carriage when you’re done with him.

He exits with Alina. Zoya winks at Mal as she exits. Fedyor looks in between the door and Mal, conflicted.

Fedyor: Just don’t hurt him TOO bad, ok?

CLOSE UP on Mal who’s tomato red with a bit of blood coming out of his ears. The audience laughs.

Gay Daddy looks at Fedyor in confusion but he’s already turned to exit. He shakes his head, brushing it off. CUT TO BLACK right as Gay Daddy rips Mal’s heart out. His scream gets downed out by the end credit music. The audience cheers.

END.

Introducing, the Murderous Misadventures of…

Meet Goth Grampy and Gay Daddy, just two best bro’s, living their best lives…

…but foreign dignitaries should probably not meet with them in the future 💀

😳 Or literally anyone who disagrees with them. 

[artzychic27]

Muppets Movie and Muppets Most Wanted quotes

Félix: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Akuma, not an Ikuma! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!

Gabriel: What does that mean?

Félix: It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha! *Pushes Gabriel off the roof and he lands on the ground with a thud* Oopsie. *Laughs maniacally* Now that's a maniacal laugh for you!

—

Ismael: Welcome to this week's edition of "Everything Stinks"! *the others pull him offscreen with a hooked cane, Vaudeville style*

—

*When the lights turn back on, Alya and Nino are caught making out*

Adrien: Ahem. *The couple stop kissing and turn to see everyone staring at them*

Nino: Oh! *He and Alya start doing vocal warmups to cover up their act* La la la la la la la...

Alya: Mee mee mee mee mee...

—

Adrien: What? You kidnapped Jack Black? That's illegal!

Cosette: But Adrien, what's more illegal: briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Akumas?

Adrien: Kidnapping Jack Black, Cosette!

—

Austin A: I always dreamed we'd be back here.

Austin B: Dreams? Those were nightmares!

—

Ivan: How come you didn't use me in the montage? I thought my story was pretty interesting.

*Flashback to Ivan who’s asleep in a hammock. The others look awkward for a moment before Adrien wakes him up*

Adrien: Ivan?

Ivan: Huh?

Adrien: You wanna get back together?

Ivan: Okay.

*End Flashback*

Ivan: Heh heh. Classic.

—

(Louis) Blonde kid from Zombizou: Sorry, Kurtzberg. But you've been replaced... Permanently!

Nathaniel: Oh, yeah?

Louis: Yeah!

Nathaniel: I don't think so, blondie!

Louis: Who are you calling 'blondie', red?

Nathaniel: Oh, look! A paint and sip!

Louis: *Looks away* Where?

Nathaniel: HIYA! *Knocks out Louis* There's only room for one artist in this show. And that's me!

—

Marc: Hello.

Ismael: Hello.

Simon: Hello.

Jean: Mee-Meep. *sees an ax in his own hands, freaks out a bit while getting rid of it to grab a hairdryer* Mee-Meep.

Simon/Marc/Ismael/Jean: Hello~

Gabriel: *Tied to a barber’s chair* Oh, God! It’s a barber shop quartet!

—

Ismael: *singing* An Albino.

Marc: *singing* A Mosquito.

Jean: *singing* Mee-mee-mee-mo.

—

Ismael: *after punching Adrien* That's my trigger word, too!

Denise: Ismael, we talked about this on Tuesday.

Ismael: Tuesday's another one of my TRIGGER WORDS! *punches Marc*

Denise: I DON'T THINK SO! *punches Ismael*

*It soon leads to a full on brawl between the classmates*

—

Chloé’s Receptionist: Miss Bourgeois?

Chloé: *as she's eating a doughnut* What? Can't you see that I'm busy?

—

Austin A: Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Akumas can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.

Austin Q: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.

Austin A: Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.

Austin B: You mean half the audience is still alive?

*The Austins laugh*

Austin A: It's nice doing business with you.

Austin T: Yes, sir. Come on.

Austin B: Good-bye.

—

Aurore: Kim, what are you doing here?

Kim: ...Acting... Naturaaaal.

—

Felix: My name will go down as the greatest thief of all time!

Lili: You mean our names, right?

Felix: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar... your name.

—

Kim: I knew.

Adrien: … Kim knew?… You mean all this time I've been trapped in a Russian Gulag, no one, not one single person from the Akumas, except Kim, noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?

Alya: It sounds worse than it was...

Max: No, it's as bad as it sounds.

—

Aurore: Just do what I do. Imagine the audience naked.

Mireille: Wha?…*Goes out on stage* Uh… Haha. You are all naked!… Uh… Well, sorta.

—

Nathaniel: Nathaniel Kurtzberg. *holds up a sketchbook* Artist.

Louis: Louis Secousse. *holds up a bigger sketchbook* Better Artist.

Nathaniel: This is my travel sketchbook. *holds up a larger sketchbook* Here's my real sketchbook.

Louis: You must have been looking at the wrong sketchbook. *opens up his coat and his shirt, revealing an enormous sketchbook underneath*

*Looking defeated, Nathaniel leaves and then comes back wheeling in a massive sketchbook*

Nathaniel: You were saying?

—

Dominic: International Tour Manager. *presents his business card*

Kim: "Dominic Bad Guy"?

Dominic Badguy: “Bad-gee". It's French.

Akumas: Ooh!/That makes sense/We’re French, we should know this.

—

Max: TWO Adriens?... Well, that explains a lot.

Cosette: I knew no one could have a cold for that long.

Zoé: Or have that cheesy an accent, okay.

—

Cosette: *holds up a photo of Felix* Check this out! *covers the hair* Aah?

Jean: Oh, look, it's Adrien!

Cosette: *uncovers the hair* Ha!

Jean: *shrieks* What did you do with Adrien?!

—

Kim/Nino: *after they discover “Adrien's” true identity, they scream in horror* We gotta get outta here!

*But as they attempt to leave, Felix is right in front of them*

Felix: Not so fast...

Kim: Where's Adrien?!

Nino: Wh-wh-what do you want?

Felix: You have spun your last record, DJ.

*He prepares to attack them karate style. But then Ivan drops down on Felix from above*

Ivan: Gotcha!

Nino: Ivan! Good shot!

Ivan: Thank you.

—

Austin A: Do you guys think that Duparc’s been acting a little weird lately?

Austin T: That's ridiculous! He's never been so caring and devoted to me!

Austin A: Yeah, that's what we are saying!

—

Louis: They didn't!

Nathaniel: No they didn't!

Louis: There's no way they did a crime!

Nathaniel: They couldn't, they're too stupid!

Louis: They're not criminal masterminds!

Nathaniel: They may not know who did it, but we know they didn't do it!

Nathaniel/Louis: So we know who didn't do it, we know who didn't do it!

Louis: They're incapable of being culpable!

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world”. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤✨

[acreativeme]

They Say I Do

They Say I Do

Ivan Ortiz x Reader

Y/N grinned as she walked with Hana and Kenny, who were arguing about who was going to be her person-of-honor. She didn’t know who to choose, because they were both her best friends and had been since she joined the team. She had been a part of the intelligence branch of the undercover unit, which is where she met her fiancé, before getting transferred. 

She jumped in front of them with a laugh, walking backwards, “Ladies! Ladies! You are both pretty!” She waved her hands, playful trying to calm them. “I can’t pick from the two of you, so I’d like for you both to be my persons-of-honor.”

They shared a wide grin, only to tackle Y/N into a group hug. “Yes, we will be your persons-of-honor!”

Kenny pushed Hana, shouting, “Dibs on Bachelorette party!” 

She shoved him back, “We have to plan it together!”

Y/N shook her head as she laughed. “I am just going to walk away from this argument and let you both handle it.” She pushed her way into their office, ready to get started. 

Jess and an unknown man were talking at the head of the table. The unknown man was facing away from Y/N, so she wasn’t able to get a good look at him but he invoked a familiar feeling in her gut. 

Jess looked over the man’s shoulder, noticing Y/N standing behind them. “Y/N, I would like you to meet Ivan. He is going to be working with us while Clinton is away on assignment.”

She gasped, feeling mild betrayal. “You didn’t tell me that you were being transferred.” She dropped her bag to run to him. 

He laughed, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I wanted to surprise you, love.”

Jess looked between them. “Is something going on between you two?”

Y/N blushed, pulling away from Ivan. “Ivan and I are engaged, sir. We’ve been together since his military days.”

Jess nodded, “Is there going to be any issues with you both working together?”

The couple looked between each other and shook their heads no. “We will be keeping things professional, sir.” Ivan stated, moving away from Y/N to keep a professional distance. 

Y/N nodded, becoming serious. “You won’t have to worry, Jess.” 

He nodded, moving away from the couple. 

6 months later…

Y/N sat at her vanity, trying to cover the bruise forming on her cheek. Just my luck that I would get beat up three days before my wedding. She thought as she tried to hold back tears. She hadn’t meant to get her ass handed to her, but the unsub was so much bigger than she is. And she couldn’t help being the first to encounter him. Ivan had been right behind him, so she hadn’t been beaten too badly.

Hana walked up behind her, warmth on her face. “I don’t think that anyone will notice the bruise, especially with your veil and the amount of concealer you’ve applied.” She tried to joke in hopes of making her friend smile. 

Y/N sighed, trying to hold back tears. “Do you think I should postpone the wedding until the bruise goes away?”

Hana gasped, forcing to turn towards her. “Don’t be silly, Y/N. You are a kickass federal agent and your bruises show everyone how strong you are.”

Y/N nodded, letting Hana’s words sink in. “You are right.” She stands up, grabbing her veil from the stand next to her vanity. She held it out of Hana to take. “Will you help me with this?” 

Hana smiled, silently taking it from her. She gently tucked into Y/N hair, adjusting it so that it fell nicely around her face. Hana stepped back to admire her friend, tears welling up in her eyes. “You look so beautiful.” her voice cracked.

“Aww, Hana.” Y/N wrapped her arms around her, pulling her for a tight hug. 

And that is how Kenny found them. “I can’t believe that you are having a hugging fest without me.” He pouted, faking a look of betrayal. 

The girls laughed, pulling away just enough to squeeze him into a group hug. The threesome (not a sexual threesome you pervs!) held each other and laughed for several seconds before pulling away.

“I think that it is time to get the show on the road and get married.” Y/N declared, confidence swelling in her chest.

Kenny held out his arm, ready to walk her down the aisle. “I’m ready whenever you are, Y/N.” Over the last 6 months, Y/N had made the decision to have him walk her down the aisle because her parents refused to attend the wedding. 

Hana picked up the brides flower arrangement and passed it over to Y/N. “Can’t forget these!”

Y/N smiled, taking the flowers. Nothing was said after that. Hana walked ahead of her, head held high with a big grin. Kenny squeezed her arm, wanting to show her how happy he is.

The music changed as Hana made it to the end of the aisle, causing Y/N’s breath to catch in her throat. Kenny had to keep her from running down the aisle to Ivan, who was tearing up at the sight of her. After Kenny passed her to Ivan, things went quickly. Both Ivan and Y/N would agree that it felt like they were the only two in the room.

After the pastor finished and they kissed, Ivan swept Y/N off her feet and almost ran down the aisle. Y/N laughed loudly as they passed all of their guests. 

He set her down just outside the chapel, “I can’t believe that we are finally married, Mrs. Ortiz.” He grinned down at her, cupping her face.

“It’s about time, Mr. Ortiz.” She smirked, pressing herself to him.

With a wide grin, Ivan leaned down and kissed her...

[dandelionflower]

She hikes alone

Marinette skipped to her friends, tapping Adrien on the shoulder before hugging him tight.

“Hey, Princess,” he gave her a smile that melted her heart, “we were just talking about things we could do on our free day.”

He gestured to the class, who were all deep in a debate over ice cream place or pizza parlor.

“I was thinking we could go to a park; a new friend of mine has a couple of places we could check out. I think it would be really good as a lazy activity to get rid of jet lag, or in Kim’s case, excess energy.”

“Sounds really nice!” He smiled and began to open his mouth to tell them; he had become Marinette’s representative to the class, when Lila stood up.

“Hey guys! What if, since today doesn’t have anything planned, we went to a park and hung out?”

“That’s a genius idea, Lila!”

“I could play frisbee!”

“I’d enjoy observing the local flora.”

That’s genius Lila. You’re so smart. Marinette growled under her breath, Lila obviously overheard her talking with Adrien and took credit for her idea.

“I actually know some parks we could go to, from when I visited with Jagged Stone a few months back. We could go to one of those, if you want?”

“That sounds great Lila!” Adrien cut in before Marinette could protest. “Let’s go now!”

“Don’t worry,” he whispered to her as the class cheered and stood up, “I’ll make sure we go to a nice park.”

That’s not what I’m worried about. Marinette thought as she watched Lila attach herself to Adrien’s arm.

She followed at a fair distance from the class; not by choice, her friends just seemed to speed up whenever she tried to walk near them.

“Marinette!” Grace tapped on her shoulder, a broad grin on her face. She was wearing the headband. “Where did you decide on going?”

“A park.”

“That’s great! Which one are you going to? Because if you haven’t decided, I have a ton of great places for you to go...” she plucked some pamphlets from her back pocket and displayed one. “I think this one would suit your needs best.”

“Thanks, Grace, but...” Marinette spared a glance at the pack of students, led by Lila and Adrien. “I think it’s already been decided.”

Grace’s expression soured. “Okay, but keep ahold of that pamphlet, will you? You might end up finding time to go.”

“I hope I do.” She waved Grace a quick goodbye and dashed back to her friends, who were already going through the door.

—

They hopped on a bus and Marinette smirked as Lila worried her lip, eyes darting towards every sign that could possibly lead her to a park.

As fun as that was, Marinette quickly got bored and began perusing the pamphlet Grace handed to her.

Quarry Stone Park

Known for its towering pillars of black stone, it is rumored that Quarry Stone Park was where the brick for the famed Culpa Manor was mined.

While the parks naming is rather obvious, it also contains many hidden paths, leading to waterfalls, gem-filled caves, and even the ocean.

A popular landmark of the park is Quarry Ledge, which overlooks the ocean. The natural black spires and stark white sands make for an amazing view.

That’s where we should be going, Marinette mused, not wherever Lila’s going to take us.

“Here we are!” Lila sang. “The best park in the whole town.”

Sure... Marinette glanced at the rotting wooden sign, the crumbling letters reading, Wooded Glade Park.

The class ran in, Alix already tossing a frisbee for Kim to catch. Adrien fell back and greeted Marinette with a silent smile and had just grabbed her hand when everyone fell silent and stared at the open field surrounded by borderline rotting trees.

“Uhh, Lila?” Ivan asked, shielding Mylene’s eyes from the mistreated plants. “Are you sure this is he place? It looks a little run down.”

“Definitely!” Lila protested, and though her back was facing Marinette, she could almost see the false tears welling up in her eyes. “I- I don’t know what happened; it used to be so beautiful... I’m so sorry everyone.”

“What if we helped you clean it up?” Rose offered. “Got rid of any trash and planted some flowers!”

“Yeah!” The class cheered, voicing their agreement.

“You- you would all do that for me?”

“Of course!”

“I can’t believe this! I... thank you!”

Mylene pulled Ivan’s hand from her eyes and glared at the offending trees. “Babe? I need a lift.”

Ivan picked her up and placed her onto his shoulders.

“Alright everybody!” She shouted, voice abnormally loud. “I need someone to carry heavy stuff, a couple people for trash and, Marinette! Can you organize our efforts?”

She smiled and was about to pull out her notebook, when Lila opened her mouth, which had proven to be a tragedy in itself.

“I don’t know guys, remember how late Marinette came in? She didn’t even get to have breakfast, we don’t want to tire her out what with the jet lag and all. I can just organize, you know I was an organizer to a famous charity.”

“That’s a great idea, Lila! I’ll help!” Adrien leaned over to whisper in Marinette’s ear. “Don’t worry, I can keep her out of trouble while you just relax and walk down one of the trails, it’s a win-win.”

But I want to walk the trails with you...

She smiled, gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked to the closest trail as fast as she could so Adrien couldn’t see the tears collecting in her eyes.

She loved how selfless Adrien was, she did. It was just... he never seemed to choose her.

She stood there for a moment and allowed herself to cry. This was supposed to be a fun trip where she could hang out with her boyfriend and friends as they all explored her favorite place in the world.

Marinette finally looked up and observed the signs marking the different paths she could take.

Daisy Walkway.

Riverside.

Quarry Stone Path.

Quarry Stone?

Marinette pulled out her pamphlet and compared the names.

Maybe I will get to see Quarry Stone after all.

—

It was a fair hike to Quarry Stone, but it was so worth it.

The trees were lush and green, every bench and table were in perfect condition, people were everywhere, and interspersed across the field were dozens of giant black pillars of rock.

Marinette gave a glance to the other trails.

Waterfalls, meadows, beachside.... there were so many choices.

“Excuse me, sir?” She touched the arm of a nearby elderly man, who was exiting one of the trails. “I was wondering, do you know these trails well? Could you maybe recommend one to me?”

“Never been to Quarry Stone, have you dear?” He gave her a friendly smile.

“No.”

“Well, when I was young and adventurous, I would go on the Nymph’s River path. On a sunny day like this, it’s sure to be a magical sight.”

“It’s cloudy, you old coot!”

A frail old woman in a worn pink dress stumbled from the same path.

“What?” The man put on a thick pair of spectacles and squinted at the sky. “So it is.”

“I’m Henry’s wife, Meredith, and what’s your name, sweetie?”

“I’m Marinette. It’s nice to meet you.” She grinned at the familiar banter that reminded her of her parents.

“Likewise, dear.” A bony hand grasped her own. “Now, what’s a little thing like you doing out here all alone?”

“Um, my class, we’re here on a field trip and we had… a disagreement on what to do.”

“Ah, and they let you do your thing but it’s not as fun alone, is it?”

“No, not really.”

“I’ve got just the place for you dear. Henry, what about...” she leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“You’re a genius, Mere. Kiddo, just go down that path,” he pointed her to the forest, “and I promise it will be a sight worth seeing.”

“Okay, thank you both so much!” She waved to the couple as she headed down the path, memorizing their faces in case they encounter one another again.

—

It truly was a sight worth seeing, as promised.

When Marinette finally broke out of the dark greens in the surrounding the trail, she was met by the most soothing sight she’d ever laid eyes on.

She was standing on a large ledge carved out of the hill; metal posts and railings were surrounding the platform. Nothing noteworthy.

But the sight it was there to show was unimaginably perfect. The sand was a pure white, which would have been blinding if it wasn’t for the clouds covering the sun. The stone spires that decorated the entire forest were dotting the beach in all their splendor, rising proudly and casting barely noticeable shadows across the sand and the pale, rolling waves.

She leaned on the railing; taking in the soothing spectacle. It was almost like she was falling asleep, her consciousness drifting until she had no other thought but the muted colors in front of her...

“Meow?”

Marinette screamed and leapt away from the sound, pushing her back against the railing and gripping it with both hands likes she was on a crashing elevator.

A black cat with startling blue eyes stared at her, tilting its head in a quizzical motion.

“Mrrrrrr.” Was its only reaction to her panic.

“He- hello?”

It stared at her waved hand, like it was the most interesting thing it had seen.

She held it out tentatively, in an open gesture, leaving enough space for it to leave.

It stared at it for a moment longer before tentatively leaning forwards to place its head in her palm. It purred as she scritched its chin.

“What’s your name, kitty?” She mused. “Garfield? Like the Culpa that started the mansion?”

It leaned its head into her pinky in a silent gesture to go on.

“Harriet? Darrian? Abigail?”

No cigar.

“What about Culpa?”

The cat purred and nuzzled her hand with a vigor.

“Culpa it is.” She brought her other hand to pet at the newly-christened Culpa’s ear.

Culpa mewled with a satisfaction that seemed... almost human on the face of the pitch cat.

—

The rest

@miraculous-of-salt @calliopeia @drama-queen-supreme @kaydenth3gayden @mcheang @nomiegnome @never-say-donuts @vixen-uchiha @miracul0us-multishipper @hauntedfreakdeputyhero @chocolatecustarddanish @iwantswifttoblessmysoul @digitalmagpie @ilseofskadi @nerdy-and-a-little-birdy @minty-goose @nataladriana9 @aestheticnpoetic @constellation-king @animegirlweeb @persephonebutkore @ahalloweengirl @r0sebutch @marinettepotterandplagg @beelzzebop @akalovelymaybe @pleasefollowmeuwu @angelost4r @constancetruggle @speaknowtome @some-oxymoron @nerdy-scifi-birdy @toodaloo-kangaroo @purplesundaze @aestheticnpoetic @neptuningkai @2confused-2doanything

[qqueenofhades]

Slides on up to your inbox like the darkling in a good mood (preens with expert cape whirl). Hello your eminence. Ivan and Fedyor each meet Kirigan for the first time. Ahem. If you’re still taking prompts about those two loverender heartbirds.

I hope you don't mind if I altered your prompt slightly, since I figured that they met Kirigan for the first FIRST time as boys brought to the Little Palace. Instead, they meet Kirigan for the first time as a couple in order to ask a terrifying favor, especially since this plays nicely into my recent Thoughts about them + him.

Also on AO3 as a chapter of the better half of me.

The pair of Heartrenders come to a final halt before the tall carved doors, look them up and down, and draw identical nervous breaths. The oprichniki on guard know Ivan well, of course, though they are less used to seeing him with Fedyor – and more to the point, for the two of them to be holding hands. But they rap on the doors, call, “My lord, your visitors have arrived,” and swing them wide, permitting entrance. And in such fashion, formal keftas stiff with laundry starch, palms sweating but backs straight, they go on in.

Inside, General Kirigan is bent over an ornate table laden with charts and books, but he straightens up when he sees them. “Ah, Ivan.” His tone is both friendly – so much as Kirigan goes in for, at least – and questioning. His dark eyes flick to their clasped hands. He obviously must have an inkling of what they are here to ask him, but he arches an eyebrow nonetheless. “And – Fedyor, was it? Fedyor Kaminsky?”

“Da, moi soverennyi,” Fedyor answers formally, in Old Ravkan, though the odds that Kirigan doesn’t know the exact name and specialty of each and every Grisha in the ranks are slim-to-nonexistent. He lets go of Ivan’s hand, as if eager to be considered on his own merits and not only as the other man’s shadow. “Thank you for receiving us.”

“Of course.” Kirigan tips his head to the oprichniki, who close the doors, indicating that the General is now occupied and will not be disturbed. “Sit. Glass of kvas?”

“No, sir.” Despite the invitation, neither Ivan nor Fedyor take a seat, hands stiffly clasped behind their backs, the way they stand on parade when the tsar reviews the troops in spring. Ivan clears his throat. “Fedyor and I have come to ask your permission to…”

He’s not scared of most things. Almost none, in fact. But this is different.

He coughs.

“Permission to…” Fedyor picks up helpfully, trying to cover the moment of silence, the way the two of them have each other’s backs whether in battle or in horribly awkward conversations with their commanding officer. “To be…”

He glances back at Ivan, and Ivan takes the last of it. “To be married,” he says, as flatly and firmly as he can. Then, feeling it perhaps necessarily to specify in case this is not something Kirigan has been asked before, he adds, “To each other.”

Both of Kirigan’s eyebrows jump this time, though he doesn’t respond aloud. In theory, the Grisha are allowed to be married, but they are required to seek permission from the general first, and if he deems the liaison hasty, ill-judged, detrimental to morale, or otherwise prejudicial to the interests of the Second Army, Ravka’s most elite and feared military force, that permission can be denied. The last thing you want is lovers making too much of a stink, trying to pull special privileges or abandoning their responsibilities to the unit in favor of their partner. Then there is, of course, the added fact that Ivan and Fedyor are both men. They spent hours in the library before venturing this request, and so far, they have found nothing explicitly prohibiting two people of the same gender from being married in the formal Ravkan liturgy, but then, they didn’t exactly rush off to find a presbyter or an archimandrite and ask for detailed theological opinions. The traditionalists won’t like it, but they were never going to like it. Among the Grisha, one’s personal preferences are largely irrelevant, as long as you do your job well. And indeed, Ivan’s general nature is forbidding enough to make it unlikely that their compatriots would dare to ask, or that they even suspect. But still.

“Married,” Kirigan repeats, after a painfully long pause. “Ah.”

“With your permission,” Ivan repeats, to stress that they are doing this by the book, the exact same way he would if Fedyor was a woman. “Moi soverennyi.”

Kirigan considers them, tapping his fingers together. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Fedyor rushes, a little too eager to answer, as he steps forward, eyes blazing. Ivan feels a renewed surge of adoration for him, the way you can almost hear the heroic music swelling in the background. “I – I love him, my lord. I would die for him, and he for me.”

“That is very sweet,” Kirigan says, in the tone of a man watching a mildly interesting ballet. “I am glad to hear it. Fedyor, do you mind giving myself and Ivan a moment alone?”

Fedyor snaps his mouth shut and looks worried, but doesn’t, of course, refuse. He swallows hard, steps back, and jerks his head in a nod, touching Ivan’s hand in a brief, silent gesture of reassurance. Then he withdraws through the inner doors of the chamber, and they shut behind him, leaving Ivan and the Black General alone. They regard each other in the pale sunlight slanting through the diamonded windows, and though it runs his nerves ragged, Ivan waits for Kirigan to speak first. He braces for any question he might be asked, no matter how intrusive. If this is what it takes for this, for them, he will do it. He will. He is no traitor. He is loyal to his tsar and to his general, and he loves his country. He just loves Fedyor too.

At last, Kirigan turns away, opens a jeweled box, and removes a small dark item, curved and sharp-looking. He holds it up. “Do you know what this is, Ivan?”

“No, moi soverennyi.”

“It is an amplifier,” Kirigan says. “One that I made myself, in the oldest of the Bonesmith’s ancient arts. It comes from a claw of Morozova’s bears, killed in the deep wilderness of Tsibeya. It would be a significant addition to your own considerable power. I am prepared to make a gift of it to you, in celebration of your wedding.”

Ivan’s jaw drops, though he does his best to reel it up again and not stand there gaping like an imbecile. “To – to me, moi soverennyi?”

“Yes,” Kirigan repeats, looking amused, as if there was someone else in the chamber he could possibly be addressing. “Are you interested?”

“Yes. Of course I am.” Ivan pauses. “My lord, is there some sort of – ?”

“No catch, of course,” Kirigan says airily, as if anticipating that was Ivan’s next question. “Merely a reward for one of my most talented and loyal servants, who, it seems, has finally found happiness. I was wondering if it was even possible.”

Ivan shifts uncomfortably. “Is that so unimaginable?”

“To hear some of your colleagues talk, yes.” Kirigan still sounds amused. “No, do not apologize. I would not have you be otherwise. It is a useful talent and one that you should cultivate, which is why I offer this as a token of my esteem. If you agree, I will call David Kostyk, the Fabrikator, and have it sealed into your hand. A mark both of your wedding and your renewed loyalty to me.”

“Yes, yes. Absolutely.” Ivan almost feels relieved, when this could have been much worse. “My lord – ”

“Of course,” Kirigan goes on, as if he has not spoken, “you know perfectly well that the lives of Grisha are dangerous, especially in these times of war. If I grant my permission to this marriage, especially in contravention of established tradition, I need to know that you are also still mine, Ivan, and that you will use this gift of power in my aims and for the safety of all of Ravka. After all, you will need that power to protect Fedyor as well. So yes. I do grant my permission, so long as it comes matched with an equal promise to me. Be my good and faithful servant, and Fedyor will be yours, and always safe.”

“Yes, my lord.” When the general inclines his dark head the barest bit, Ivan goes briefly to one knee and kisses Kirigan’s offered hand. “Thank you, my lord.”

“Well then.” The general turns on a heel, cape whirling. “Shall we call David?”

“Now, my lord?”

“Were you planning on changing your mind?”

Ivan thinks of Fedyor waiting in the drawing room, probably climbing the walls with nervousness, and how he wants nothing more than to return to him and tell him that it is done, that he is not just the general’s trusted servant but his most favored confidante. “No, moi soverennyi,” he says. “Not in the least.”

---------------

“Does it hurt?” Fedyor slips his fingers through Ivan’s, lifting his right hand to examine the bear claw now permanently embedded in the back of it. It looks red and raw, as if still steaming from the heat of the ritual, but the curve of bone is cool under Fedyor’s fingers. It remains alien to him, but it is part of Ivan’s body now, an unbreakable symbol of the general’s trust in him, in them, and so Fedyor will learn to love it just the same. He bends his head, musing a kiss along Ivan’s bare shoulder. “It looks like it hurts.”

“Not bad,” Ivan says. “It’s a strange feeling, though. Like our usual power, but magnified, changed, more sensitive than I have ever experienced it. I could find your heartbeat across all of the Little Palace, I think.”

He raises his hand, playing his fingers experimentally, as Fedyor kisses his neck. They lie together in bed, their legs entangled, the curtains closed and the fire low, just this small, sweet oasis of solace in their dangerous and turbulent lives. Fedyor doesn’t know exactly what he was expecting to see when the door swung open and Ivan came out, clutching his right hand but wearing a triumphant expression, but this –

He is happy about it, obviously. He is thrilled. But he caught Kirigan’s eye over Ivan’s shoulder, and he read the unmistakable look there. I have given him to you, but only after I made sure to keep him for myself. It’s a dark thought, a little unsettling, and Fedyor does his best to put it out of his head. He is also a loyal soldier, he understands the logic of making sure that a powerful second-in-command does not get distracted from his primary allegiances at this delicate moment, and Kirigan did give them permission to marry. They will stand in a church together, under the gaze of all the Saints, and join their lives together the same as any other who have engaged in that sacred rite. That matters most.

Fedyor shifts, sliding halfway on top of Ivan, as Ivan wraps both arms around his waist and settles him there more firmly. They kiss and kiss until it turns to something else, a shared union in the dark, comfortable and familiar and delightful as ever. After, as Ivan dozes and Fedyor holds his bear-clawed hand, something like triumph rises up in him. He can’t help it.

You will never own him, he tells the shadows, in case their master is out there listening. Not truly. In the end, he will always belong to me.

[cl0wnmama]

Something magical

(Warning, this chapter is an joke, this is a joke between me and owl, basically Cesar and Maximilian are super gay for each other )

(Also chapters will probably take longer and I apologize for that)

Cesar's POV-

I'm excited, my very attractive friend, Maximilian has asked me to join him for lunch, I just couldn't refuse!

As soon as he asked my answer was already at the tip of my tongue!

I was already get ready, touching up my hair

We aren't going to the mansion because I decided he was coming over here! I've been their so many times already, it's only fair

I hear footsteps and an voice

"Oh hello sir, welcome to the doll house, are you here for someone?" My sister, Alice says

"Is Cesar here?" MAXI- *cough* Maximilian says

As soon as I hear him, I just wanna to jump out of my room and surprise him but I cannot, not yet at least

"Yes he is! You must be Maximilian, I'm Alice, his little sister, here lemme get you seated" my sister says as she lead him to the table, she's probably going to make him tea, typical motherly Alice

At least she has him distracted, that means I can surprise him, I'll lower myself from my strings!

As soon as I got everything planned in my head I set it into action

I summoned my strings, and put them into position, making sure it'll lift me down slowly, then I practiced, it was perfect

I then called them

"Alice can you come here? Bring Maximilian along will you"

I hear Alice walking, whispering things, I couldn't hear them disappointingly

I see them, I see Alive mouth turn into a '0' shape as she sees me

And Maximilian, he was glazing at me, blushing slightly

"I wanted to show you an trick I was working on!"

"Wait Cesar-"

I ready my trick, I felt so elegant

"CESAR, YOUR STRINGS!" Alice screamed

I was confused until I heard it

*Snap*

Oh no

I fell, it was a long way down so I guess I'll be turn to saw dust

Then I felt arms catch me, it was Maximilian

"My dear! You must be more careful, I truly thought I lost you for good!" Shouted Maximilian

"I can promise you, I'm already dead, I can't die twice, maybe who knows also I've done this before, this was merely an accident" I protest but Maximilian just chuckled at me

"Ok, I believe you, but let's just go sit down and try not get hurt hm?" He says as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear

"O-ok" my face was redder that Ivan's eyes

Alice was look was us, her hand covering her mouth, probably hiding an massive smile

"I'll leave you two alone hehe!" Alice then runs off

After that happened, I showed him the doll house, he was amazed, as we got to my room, I opened a bottle of wine, and poured us each a glass, this wine was gifted to me by Peter, said to be strong

I gave him his glass, as I say down next to him, and sipped mine immediately, enjoying the smooth flavor but then it hit me

Damn what is in this, I feel drunk already!

Maximilian didn't drink his yet, but he looked over at me

"Hi~" I slurred out

"Hello Cesar"

"Have I ever thought you how attractive I think you are?"

"No,tell me"

"I've always had a thing for curly hair, that's one, two you have a nice face to look at I wish I could see more of it, three you're so nice to me you even don't brag about riches to me because you know it upsets me and that's hot in it's own"

Maximilian face turn from gold to Rudy red, he was liking the attention a little, I could tell

"R-really? Well it's respectful to obey f-friends wishes yes?-" he tugging at his collar

"MmM yea, can I wish something?" I asked as I get closer to him

"Yes of course! What would you like?"

"I want a kiss, on the lips preferably" I then scooted closer, now we are inches away from each other's faces

He was frozen in place, he didn't know what to do, cute

"UhhhH UMm okay sure-"

That was all I needed, I gently placed my lips on his, closing my eyes and tilting my head a little, wrapping my arms around his neck for support

He then kissed me back, it felt like an dream, something only within my own consciousness but it's not.. it's real

We stayed like this, air isn't temporary for us so we could stay like this forever if we wanted but I pulled away

Opening my eyes to look at him

"Goodnight" I say and then vomit uncontrollably and pass out.

As soon as I woke up,

//Minutes pass//

I woke up, feeling my head hurt, oh shoot where's Maximilian!? I looked left and right

I have to apologize for my behavior

As I got up, I saw something on my dresser, an note, I opened it

Dear Cesar,

I don't think you remember much from the night before but, I enjoy our 'date' even with a few minor errors here and there I wouldn't give anything to change the outcome, it was something magical, our night out inspired me to make a new play, once you visit, I can show you but for now, I hope to see you again

I̶ l̶o̶v̶e̶ y̶o̶u̶

Sincerely, Maximilian D.

I smile, hugging the letter, he was right, it was something magical

(Hope you guys like this  monstrosity, it was nice writing something romantic than hurt- LMAO)

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 140

And here we have the last chapter of the Food Festival!  This is one part I was pretty excited to write - The Closing Costume Party.  I wouldn’t have been able to get this one squared away without @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog... Both of you caught a few things I didn’t that kept it from making sense from a reader perspective. So thank you both, very much.

I growled softly to myself as I twisted my arms behind my back to pull on my costume. Normally, I was more than flexible enough, but the amount of leverage I needed right now just wasn’t happening unless I was willing to seriously dislocate something. Dropping my hands, I frowned as I jiggled my arms a little to work feeling back into my elbows.

“You really should have fitted this sooner than now,” Conor laughed against the back of my head as he pulled the laces tight on the blood-red corset.  Getting one made while laying low and avoiding Hannah had been a nightmare, but it was going to be worth it. I just knew it.

“You just wanted to see me try this entire costume on sooner,” I joked as I felt everything fit snugly - but not too tightly - into place.

Maverick flicked a lock of my hair over my shoulder and positioned it just-so. “It’s not his fault that you couldn’t fit this over your scrubs and have it work for tonight.”

“Who wants to see a corset over scrubs?” I scrunched my nose at the thought while smoothing my sleeves and adjusting my collar. “So far so good?” I asked, slightly louder.

As a credit to their maturity regarding the matter, both men looked me over earnestly before glancing at each other. Conor finally broke the silence. “Aren’t the slits in the skirt a bit… high?”  Maverick whispered in his ear, and an expression of utter comprehension glowed on his face. “Oh! That’s… Love, that’s clever.”

I grinned hard enough to cramp my jaw. “Thank you.”  Despite how daring the outfit looked, there was exactly zero chance of any wardrobe malfunctions more serious than a hole in my stockings  - a near-indestructible nude bodysuit under everything made sure of that.

“Your turn, now,” Maverick insisted, eliciting a groan from Conor, who he had turned toward while brandishing eyeliner.

“Isn’t it bad enough I let the two of you do this?” He gestured at his hair, which was styled within an inch of his life and would sustain an EF4 tornado with minimal loss of glitter.

“Nope,” I popped, still smiling as I sat down to put on my boots.  Parvati and Hannah had envisioned tonight to be a sort of return-to-our-roots in a very feral, primitive way, complete with costumes. “We’ve been imagining since before we could cook,” Hannah had pointed out.  Between that and the multiple hints that I wasn’t capable of costuming myself, I had gone a bit more over the top than I had originally planned. Hence the corset, the boots, Conor’s hair… although the leather pants the guys were wearing had been decidedly Maverick’s idea and I resisted the need to fall at his feet in gratitude.

Once we were finally costumed, we managed to arrive just-fashionably late to the last hurrah of the Festival. I don’t know who gaped harder - us at the party, or the people who managed to recognize me when they saw me leading the men in. Parvati’s incredible, winding mural was noticeably weathered and patchy, giving the overall atmosphere a post-apocalyptic feel.  The only noticeable lighting came from the braziers, and deep, almost subsonic music thumped in my chest, driving my adrenaline just high enough to overwhelm my anxiety.

My nose led us over to the first stall of the night, the smell of charring meat fitting the tone. Per a previous discussion around our costumes, I did not reach for anything but instead Conor took my portion and fed it to me - his idea, this time, though Maverick had readily agreed. It was just enough to set off a few murmurs before I heard a familiar laugh cut through the air.

“Councillor Reid!” Jokul’s voice crowed, turning our heads his direction. Warmly, he clasped my hands when offered, trembling with the laughter he was trying to suppress. “This is an unexpected but pleasant surprise.”

I took a moment to take in his fur trousers and tunic, with rough metal covering vital areas. “The dirt is a nice touch,” I offered, squeezing his hands in greeting. “And Ivan! Well done, sir!”

Ivan rubbed the freshly-buzzed back of his head and grinned. “He actually already had the furs, I just made the armored parts.”

“I meant all of it,” I admonished softly, waving at his work throughout the event.

“Antique, yeah?” Conor asked, gesturing to the furs both of them were wearing.

To his credit, Jokul scoffed. “Absolutely not. Quality synthetic.”

“Don’t let Hannah find out.”

A silver brow arched high enough to impress even Tyche. “Who do you think I commissioned?”

“Clever boy.” I winked at Ivan, eliciting a grin.

In response, Ivan did a runway-twirl, his fur kilt flaring just slightly. “What do you think, Councillor? Can I pull it off?”

With the cheekiest grin my soul could ever manifest, I stared him down. “I think I am the wrong person to ask that.”  Even in the dim light, I could see Jokul’s face turn bright red.

“I smell goat,” Maverick interrupted, entirely off topic and completely unabashed.

Ivan’s nose twitched. “Oh, you’re right!” Sniff, sniff. “And it’s on a spit! Let’s find it before it’s gone!”

With that, he snagged Jokul’s wrist and dragged him less like he was an easily two-hundred pound man and more like he was a kite.  When I snickered, my former enemy leaned over and murmured “I like the chains, very nice touch.”

I shook the wrist that connected to Conor’s belt and whispered conspiratorially. “Your idea, really.  You were so convinced I was leading the entire Ark like this…”

He had the decency to snort. “Seeing it in reality, I was a complete idiot. But it’s quite poetic, and I like it.”

“Poetic?” I asked as I tried to keep pace in the six-inch heels I had elected to wear.

“Are they chaining you down, or are you leading them by their gonads? Or, perhaps, are they saving you from yourself?” He gave a very pointed look at the delicate chains going from the shackles on my wrists to the links attached just above Maverick’s and Conor’s hips.

“Saving me, definitely.” My confession was unashamed and completely sober, the result of the primal music and smells surrounding me.

“Gods agree, someone needs to.”

I didn’t have time to argue before we arrived at the source of the enticing smell - a Jamaican barbecue vendor, who had oxtails, saltfish, and…

“Grilled goat!” Ivan crowed triumphantly. As he started handing out portions from the dancing, grinning vendor, he raised an eyebrow when he noticed that the portion he tried to hand to me was intercepted by Maverick first, and then fed to me rather than feeding myself.

“Not my idea,” I managed around an insanely delicious bite. “Swear.”

“Kink tomato,” he insisted, holding up his hands.

Conor almost choked laughing. “Not our kink either, mate. Just set dressing for the Queen over here.” Taking another bite, he winked at me.

“Ah, Conor’s idea then,” Jokul nodded sagely before erupting in the closest thing to a girlish squeal I could imagine coming from him. “Miss Harper, we’ve been looking for you!”

Shit, I thought to myself. I hadn’t thought of what Charly would say when I discussed this idea with Conor and Maverick, and I was just realizing it was a monumental oversight.  Plastering a smile on my face, I turned in the direction Jokul had shouted - 

Only to be confronted with what looked like a fox with antlers, a rakish Anansi, the Queen of the Dead, a blind healer, and… a walking shrine? I wasn’t sure what exactly Arthur was dressed as, but I could clearly identify a shabby tweed suit, his sword, a tome that I hoped was faux-moldy, breastplate, shin guards, along with various tchotchkes that looked like they came from high-schoolers and were a bit too beat up to be faked.

“Arthur, what are you?” I asked. Where anyone else would find it rude, I knew my bluntness would be either appreciated or ignored entirely.

“The Ghost of Classes Past.” He swept into a near-Shakespearen bow, gesturing at the bits and bobs that adorned him. “Humans protect, and we mourn those we could not to ensure they live on in memory.” The thump of the music did not change, but his costume gave it a sepulchral tone, like a dying heartbeat.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, the antlered fox bounced familiarly before looking at the Queen of the Dead. “You did a fantastic job on their costumes! They look amazing!” Her antlers were, of course, somehow illuminated from below, but damn me if I could figure out how.

Despite the fact that I knew damned well that Tyche wanted to erupt into laughter at the suggestion, she managed to, quite impressively, tamp it down to a savage smile of silver fangs and blood-red lips. Flapping a hand at myself, Conor, and Maverick, she gave her bell-like fake-laugh, fully in character. “Oh, I had nothing to do with this. Darling Sophia and her merry toys conceived it all on their own.  This is the first time I’ve even seen it, darling.” She turned to me, tipping her chin down in respect. “Well done, dearest sister.” Tyche was on peak display, with kohl lining her glowing grey eyes, a black bodysuit covering her from  collar to feet, fitted vest and cardigan vest, all partnered with a skirt that could be ten inches thick or ten miles of ribbon - who knew with all the darting and layers? Not me, but I was surely impressed with what looked like ten miles of black feathers flowing from her waist to her hips.

“Why, thank you, Your Majesty.” I swept my leg back in a daring curtsy, forcing Conor and Maverick to smother their laughter at Jokul and Ivan’s faces.

“Ma’am! Ma’am ma’am ma’am!” Charly demanded as she pulled me upright. “You blushed at the concept of kink night, and here I find you leading your men around by their hips!”

I tossed my hair and winked at Jokul. “They aren’t being led, they are saving me from myself.” To Charly’s credit, I did look one deep breath from embarrassment - a black dress with red trim, sliced from floor to ribs and collar to navel, over what appeared to be just fishnet stockings and cavalier boots. The only thing, visibly, retaining any sort of deceny was the corset sealing me in the dress. To go with it, I sported chunky, silver cuffs chained to both Maverick and Conor. Ducking in, I whispered, “I probably will have to be cut out of this bodysuit, no worries on me flashing anyone.”

“Ooooo… well played, madam, well played,” she cheered, twirling me around, forcing both men to pivot with me, laughing, before  giving me a very concerned look. “How fucking tall are those?” This was clearly directed at my heels, which she was staring at like a shark presented with a steak.

“Six,” I admitted. “But I did pointe ballet for a little while, so… This isn’t that bad.”

Maverick ducked into the center of the circle we formed. “They’re a full size too big to allow for swelling and she has the toe boxes lined with impact foam.”

“How the hell else am I supposed to wear these things?” I asked with a glare that had him standing ramrod straight and barely restraining a laugh.

Tyche, to her credit, patted my shoulder. “While sitting.  Or, if you have to stand, with a platform in the toe.”

“No shit,” I hissed, setting the mummified healer doubling over in laughter. “But I’ve done enough damage to my feet, thank you, so… there may be foot braces involved.” One of which was currently digging in just in front of my heel, which I made a mental note to pass on to the development team.

A thick, French accent set me shaking my head when it came from the very-not-French looking mummy. “Well played, Sophia.  The sling and calf brace design I saw recently get approved by medical?”

I groaned as I realized that of course this was Antoine. Life and Death, forever partnered. “Yesssss,” I hissed. “Grey created the design.” I unzipped one boot down far enough to roll it below my knee, exposing braces above and below the kneecap before running further down. “The weight is distributed throughout the leg, before terminating across the front and back of the arch of the foot, to even out the pressure.”

I could almost see numbers whirling beneath the six-foot-plus candy-pink bowler hat. “That… sounds like it might actually be comfortable,” Coffey intoned. I couldn’t help but grin at the tilt of his hat and the feather arching behind him.

“More comfy than actual heels, yes,” I admitted before deflecting attention as far from me as possible. Which, considering how much weight was normally put on the ball of the foot in heels like this, wasn’t a lie…. “But we aren’t here for this! We’re here for food!”

Cheers erupted, and we set off dragging each other to what bits we had discovered.  The theme of the night was firmly set around protein, grilled if possible, with wicks of smoke dancing through the flickering light along with the thump of the music.  Some were spicy, others unexpectedly sweet. As I laughed, and ate, and sweated, and danced, I could freely admit that there was exactly zero percent chance that I would have imagined this in my wildest dreams. And even better? I could enjoy every second, every smell, every beat of the music. I made a point to wink at each camera I could spot, to the point that, first Tyche, and then everyone else felt the need to comically push down my thumbs-up and cover my face.

Clearly, Parvati and Hannah, who I hadn’t seen all night, were monitoring what they would later discover to be a flying pass on their final exam. 

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[urlocalbunny]

.shower sex - vladimir.

hi, my lovely babies heheheheh (deja vú much?)

PLEASE UNDERSTAND i don’t hate ethan adiojsdohfojv jkjk

i just enjoy putting him and ivan on comical situations khjk

1.405 words. enjoy!

Eloise was rolling around on Vladimir's bed. Ever since he found out the moon didn't affect him anymore, the vampire was keen on going out every day to take care of the garden.

Eloise was used to finding him first thing at night as he was the first to wake up, so even if she were happy for him, it'd take her some time to get adjusted to the changes. She gave up on reading. Instead, Eloise went in for a shower. Since the boys had a shower while she did not (bummer), she got into their bathroom. Ivan was in his room with a Gameboy she gave him. Raphael was in the library, and Aaron was probably eating prey somewhere ever since last week, the other two, well, everybody knew the drill.

Clothes long forgotten, Eloise found herself relaxing under the warm water. Vladimir sometimes made mean comments on how much she liked to "boil herself clean" instead of bathing in actual lukewarm water. The girl smiled, using his shampoo to wash her hair and scrubbing herself. She stood under the water a little more and turned off the shower to get the soap, but the doorknob turning startled her for a second before she relaxed. It was him. She knew before he even opened the door. His knowing smirk was the first thing she zeroed her eyes in.

"My, my. You are a sight for sore eyes, but what are you doing in here? Want any of the others to walk in?" He chuckled at her eye roll, loosening his tie and undoing his waistcoat.

"What are you doing?" She asked, watching him locking the door.

"I might as well join you, right? If you are not comfortable, it is fine." His expression relaxed when she opened her arms. He let his hair down, coming closer to her. She undid the buttons on his pants, then his white shirt.

Instead of kissing him, however, she kneeled, wet hair and fringe making Vladimir sigh. That was one of the prettiest things he'd ever seen. His cock throbbed above her mouth. One of her hands grabbed him, pumping slowly and carefully.

"Let me show you how much I missed you."

Her mouth kissed the underside, just how it made him shiver. Her other hand gripping his ass for leverage made a blush creep upon him. She was so bold compared to other women he had, yet so careful.

Her pretty lips engulfed the head, tongue lapping once at the leaky tip. She jerked him slowly, finding every corner he loved so much with her tongue.

His breath quickened as her hand caressed his ass slowly, now slurping on him. Her eyes never left him. Eloise whimpered to answer his sounds full of approval. Her glistening body shivered with the now cold bathroom, but it added to the feeling when her warm mouth left him only to bring him back.

His tip touched her throat once, twice, and then once more. Vladimir felt as if seeing stars, a bubbling tension on his stomach the more they kept eye contact. He grabbed a fistful of his girlfriend's hair without pulling it to signal her to stop, or he was going to cum on the spot. She eagerly shot up, knees a little red.

His hands ran along her slippery hips, sighing in content. "You are stunning, love. Looks almost good to eat." He smiled when Eloise rolled her eyes at him.

"So good that I might." His left hand turned the shower on, right clutching the base of Eloise's neck and biting without care. She moaned, bucking her hips against him. Vladimir sucked in a breath, rutting back harshly. She chuckled. His chugs were knocking her breath away, pleasure filling her mind and making her body limp against him.

"You're so rough," the mewl didn't go unnoticed by him, but he was too focused on lapping up at the wound he made, watching it close little by little until the white dots he knew and loved covered his trace, a little red still. His fingers slithered between their bodies, rubbing short circles on the bud. She sighed, resting her head against the tiles and turning the shower off. His fingers prodded at her entrance after a few nice rubs.

He pushed in, stopping knuckles deep and then coming back. Eloise's head spun, dizzy from the contact with him. His thumb toyed with her clit, and his hands pushed in and out. His mouth smothered her with kisses along her neck.

"Vladimir, please-" a harsh slap on her ass made her yelp. He stopped his strokes, grabbing her chin a little roughly.

"Did I say you could talk?" His hot breath fanned across her neck, making her shiver. She shook her head. "That is more like it, my love. Now, where were we?" His rhythm resumed, eyes gleaming with mischief when she opened her mouth to say many things, but none of them could come out until she mustered the courage to speak.

"Um, sir." She called weakly.

"Yes, love?"

"Can I touch you?" He huffed, kissing her lips roughly and guiding her hand to his stomach.

"I suppose you have been nothing but good to me."

Her hand shot straight to his dick, rubbing it with a trembling fist. His head rolled back, and he sucked in a breath. Her hand on his length was shaky, but that added to the pleasure when she didn't control the strength and jerked him harshly. He whimpered, thrusting into her hand, and straining his ears to her pussy squelching around his finger. She was starting to waver around him so bad that he could swear he was the one almost cumming.

"Come on, my love. Do it around me." That was all it took for her to cry out, head rolling back to give Vlad more room to suck red blotches on her already bruised neck. His fingers staggered when her walls squeezed them, her juices flowing around his hand.

All of a sudden, but all by Eloise's hands, his tip prodded her entrance, making her legs tremble. She screwed her eyes shut, sinking as best she could. He bit her neck harshly.

"You are truly eager." He grumbled, "but I will do as you wish today."

Her legs were trembling, eyes sending a message to move, but he didn't like his authority challenged.

"What is it?" He asked, chuckling when she grabbed his shoulders. "Want me to move?"

"God, yes! Yes, please."  

"I think you can handle a bit of work."

Her eyes pleaded, but she couldn't wait and sunk on him, holding herself on his shoulders for dear life. The whines she let in the air made him chuckle.

"Are you done?" His smile widened when she sunk to the hilt, thrusting into her. "You just cannot stay quiet, can you?"

His pace picked up. His hand pulled Eloise's leg up to get a better angle, gripping her ass as she moaned on him, wet bodies gliding together.

"I am not going to last as much. We cannot take too long." He husked, snapping his hips roughly and trying to resist the urge to stay there for a few hours.

"Make me cum again. I don't care."

"That is just pathetic, don't you agree?"

"Hmmm, yes, more." He chuckled darkly, then moaned when he focused on how drenched his cock was.

"You are doing a great job, love. I feel like I won't pull out."

"Please don't. Don't." Her cries made his cock throb. He was reaching his end.

"Eloise-"

He stopped when she let a short, very desperate, and small cry, locking up and stilling. His pace picked up to chase his high, a loud groan piercing her ears when he buried himself to the hilt and ground against her, riding their highs.

"God, Eloise..!"

She had her mouth open, two lonely tears dripping down her cheeks.

"I love you, Vladimir."

"I love you too."

"Open the motherfucking door or die! I'm peeing on myself over here!"

"Geez, Ethan. Just go to the other bathroom. So noisy..." Ivan murmured, making Eloise laugh. She slapped a hand on her mouth, but Vladimir just turned the shower on and started to wash her with soap, an easy smile on his face.

"Pest? What are you doing in the- oh."

Ivan's laughter almost covered his running to the other bathroom.

[wheel-of-fish]

By the Numbers: Ben Crawford, Ali Ewoldt, Jay Armstrong Johnson

By the Numbers:  The Ben Crawford/Ali Ewoldt/Jay Armstrong Johnson  Stream, August 22, 2020

[long-awaited submission from Aldebaran; I’m putting it behind a cut]

Oh my gosh, an epic stream deserves an epically long and epically late By the Numbers!  Come with me back in time, all the way back to two weeks ago, which in pandemic days is a month and a half.  Before we were treated to  Giant Ivan and Tiny Tamara in Moscow, there was The Swagger, The Disney Princess and The Bot…

This was a fantastically fun boot to watch as part of a group of enthusiastic Saturday Streamers!  Plusses included an earlier-in-his-run Ben “The Swagger” Crawford as the Phantom, with the spotlight on his booming baritone voice, and Ali “Paris’s Sweetheart” Ewoldt as an enchanting Christine.  And—Jay Armstrong Johnson (we’re pretty sure) as Raoul.  Or some semblance of Raoul.  Something was up with Raoul in this performance and the consensus was there may have been robotics involved. I won’t say more here; the streamers have it covered below and a fantastic set of memes by Onthevirg/faunaproductions caught tons more great moments.   Very very nice filming job by a master who clearly knew the show well and anticipated major moments and character moves in a smooth manner.  Not a bot though.  As far as we know.  And featuring an AIAOY– let’s just say that has to be seen to be believed.    

Some stats on the stats:  An asterisk * indicates a recurring category.  All numbers are accurate except where they are not.  I was tempted last week to resort to making crap up for this recap, but resisted the temptation.  I will occasionally add in a missing letter or two.  If a person’s train of thought is split up, I will ignore intervening commentary and put that thought back on track.  Occasionally, by design or by mischance, a comment or two will be moved slightly out of original chronological order.  Or wildly out of chronological order to cater to a theme.  Or a whim.  Only when it’s funny.  There is also no clean way to say the word “organ” which pops up a lot in this stream. (See what I mean?  It can’t be done.)

*Suggested names for this boot: The Animatronic Boot, The Better Than Cooper Boot, The It’s Alive! Boot, Robot Roll Call Boot (Okay, nobody suggested these.  It was me.  I suggested these)

*Statistician’s Favorite Boot Name:  mechanical hands down, The RaoulBot Boot

*Wow, we like to talk about Phantoms:  It has become clear to me that we like to talk about everybody.  And everything.  Phantoms, Christines, Raouls, Mandalorians.  Here are most of the people mentioned in the stream.  There is no context.  Just like a real stream!!!

John Riddle (9), Gina Beck (8), Ramin (6), Rob Houchen (2), Ethan (1), Eiji (1), Uwe (3), Jordan Craig (2), Sierra (1), Steve Barton (3), David Shannon (2), Norm (14), Earl (1), Cooper (2), Darua (4), Thiago (11), Rachel Barrell (1), Meghan Picerno (2), Cherik (19), Pedro Pascal (1), B*rbour (7), Eva Tavares (4), Ted Keegan (5), Maree Johnson (2), Quentin Oliver Lee (1), Jeremy Hays (1), Ben Jacoby (3), Andrew Keenan Bolger (1), Greg Mills (1), Michael Maliakel (1),  KKA (8),  Jordan Donica (1), Kyle Barisch (8), Andrew Ragone (3), Paul Stanley/Stankey (3), Hannah Gadsby (2)

Residual Stolle Thirst:  Residual Stolle Thirst from the stream a week prior to this one, plus Mr. Stolle’s appearance as Passarino AND the Conductor in this boot resulted in >32 mentions.  There may or may not have been comparisons between his Raoul and this boot’s Raoul.  I certainly wouldn’t put it past us.

Epithets for Ben Crawford:  Ubiquitous mentions of Crawdaddy and The Swagger.  More personalized and clearly personal epithets:  Big Ben—ktarinajones, BENBENBENBEN—whereisthepersian, OH HELLO VOICE—butdreamsofbeauty, my horny bastard and I love him—ktarinajones

Epithets:  reader’s choice as to which Phantom(s) the following apply to (no one in this stream):                                                        Fuckface McGee–therosenpants                                                      Sir Scruffsalot—snows                                                                    Voldemort—Benny-Lynne                                                                  Traschcan–therosentpants

Antici_____pation:

I can’t wait for jay                                                                                I honestly thought they’d slapped a human face on a robot and called it a day—angedelamusique

Let’s all just have fun trying to spy hints of actual emotion in Jay’s Raoul—GlassPrism

Oh there will be memes.  Ben Crawford is a walking meme and there will be a robot on stage—ktarinajones

Oh boy, here we go—GlassPrism

We love a trainwreck:

I love this stream crowd because you all show up for trainwrecks just as enthusiastically as you do for good actors—wheel-of–fish

We love a trainwreck!—butdreamsofbeauty

we’re ready—angelofthelake

trainwrecks are v satisfying—christinegrrl

We’re here with roses, we’re here with rotten fruit, we’re versatile!  A good tirefire is a marshmallow roast–snows

Debut of RaoulBot:  Before the show even began, JAJ’s Raoul had a name:                                                                                       

RaoulBot—ktarinajones at 20:01:33 (historic occasions get timestamps!)                                                                                     

wait they can’t moisten the raoul if he’s a robot, can they?—butdreamsofbeauty

they can oil him—ktarinajones

oil the raoul, perfect—butdreamsofbeauty

He has a silicone exterior—Benny-Lynne

wd-40—wheel-of-fish

How do we know he is waterproof?  Let’s see if he sparks when he hits the Raoul Hole—Aldebaran

Earliest Meme Generation:  Our intrepid memester Virg had material for a meme within 8 minutes 27 seconds of the start of the stream.

Love is in the Air:  There was a lot of love in this stream

Ali Love:  >32

Laird Love:  28

Carlotta Love:  20

Filmer Love: 5

Extreme John Riddle love: 2

when there’s video of John Riddle the filmer can have a kidney if they want—ktarinajones, seconded by christinegrrl

And then there was Jay:

Oh he did a head nod.  Well done.—Bozzleboz

At least Jay doesn’t shoot a policeman—PureAnon

Several head turns in succession there.  Getting ambitious.–Bozzleboz

Illumination!:  Auction Raoul set the tone for the evening to come, and the chandelier seized the moment to shine.

OMG, his jaw moves just like a real person….or a nutcracker—Aldebaran

His batteries are running down.  Maybe they will wire him for the new electricity.—Aldebaran

Robot Raoul is using all the electricity—Aldebaran

That chandelier isn’t rising—Ladyrock18

It’s not rising because they have to unhook the cables that power Raoulbot—DocTy

The chandelier shows more emotions than Jay as Raoul—Maze-zen

Erik made a Raouldoll to add to his collection?—Benny-Lynne

The chandelier shows the full range of human emotions.  That is why it was cast.—haunted-hideaway

The chandelier is more expressive than this Raoul—Carole

The chandelier can actually sing in morse code—DocTy

Meanwhile backstage Raoulbot is recharging in his alcove—Aldebaran

If you listen closely you can hear diesel generators in the background recharging the batteries—DocTy

C’mon guys, he’s solar powered—ktarinajones

is that why he stops working in the dark during AIAOY–christinegrrl

Statistician Aldebaran wonders if she will be able to handle viewing Cherik:

Oh I finally finished the 90’s miniseries!  I have thoughts!—Abberina

Abberina do you have thoughts other than “I hurt, I am in pain”?—snows

@snows the ending was WILD—Abberina

Abberina, I spent the whole day lying and crying after the 90s miniseries, are you allright?—Carole

“Wild”??? How are you still living!  That ending!  Gghh!—snows

Do you need something?  A glass of water?  Therapy?—Carole

My heart hasn’t recovered yet.  And I watched it 4 years ago.–Carole

Christine Who?:  One would think that Christine’s debut in Hannibal would have the streamers’ full attention.  But no.  All eyes were on Raoul in his box.  Or maybe just unpacked from the box he came in.

can it be? can it be a robot?—christinegrrl

can it be chreeeestineeee—butdreamsofbeauty

engage clapping program—Aldebaran

clap beep boop clap clap—angelofthelake

beep boop clapping action beep boop—Jadowdra

EXECUTE EMOTION—missbuster

Stache or cache?:  Once we were beginning to get an idea of the limits of Raoulbot’s programming, we turned our attention to his most character defining feature—the mustache.

omg mustache—MelancholysChild

His mustache is a little full for me.  Oh well.  I guess that’s where he hides his secrets.—haunted-hideaway

wowWWWW—put that boy in a floofy shirt and stick him in the pirates of the caribbean ride at disney, damn—snows

it’s where he hides his processer—therosenpants

haunted he needs something to cry into—ashadeintheshade

That is not a mustache, that is fiber optics—Aldebaran

although he is stiffer than the other robotic pirates—snows

Haunted, his secret is his charger entrance—Carole

You keep your secrets then, Raoul—haunted-hideaway

Autocorrect Follies:

Pinging = Piangi–Bozzleboz

Paul Stankey = Paul Stanley—IamErik771

Ironic Statement is Ironic:

I always forget there’s an elephant–yiks

Cooper finds a role:

[as Buquet appears] oh hey look it’s cooper!—snows                                                                                                                                    finally a role for cooper, buquet all the way—Aldebaran                                                                                                                                ohh wait sorry it’s the other scruffy creepy nasty weirdo—snows

*Best from Onthevirg’s Mom:  “like stolles passarino cooper should always be buquet—it’s a fitting role”

Joseph Buquet job  performance review:

DO YOUR FREAKING JOB BUQUET.  –madamefaust                                                                                                                                I’ll never get over that line “i promise i wasn’t doing my job!!!!!”—butdreamsofbeauty

The Boy Ain’t Right:  Little Lotte made it very apparent that Raoul may have been compromised.

Don’t make fun of him, you guys.  The tiny alien in his head driving his body is doing his best, ok?—haunted-hideaway

li tt le l ott e—tearoses

So….Erik’s looking like an awesome choice right about now…–HerbalPath

Usually i’m r/c  but uh not today—yiks

His hat is just an excuse he’s going to recharge a bit—Carole

That was almost threatening how he said little lotte—Ladyrock18

*Vintage MadameFaust:                                                                   Don’t quote me too much, my knowledge is based on judicious use of Wikipedia;-)

[inspired by Raoul’s Little Lotte performance]                                    CHOCOLATES 

HUMANS LOVE CHOCOLATES                                                                                                                                                                    *Biggest Organ in Paris:  The mirror scene included a thunderous organ accompaniment.  It took me ten minutes to write a non-filthy sentence that conveyed that information while containing the word “organ.”  The Saturday Streamers were fired up!  Except for a certain statistician–

WOAH—therosenpants                                                                    THAT ORGAN—PureAnon                                                                ORGAN—haunted-hideaway                                                              Wow—DocTy                                                                                      ORGAN!—butdreamsofbeauty                                                          did you hear that??????—therosenpants                                          organ—DocTy                                                                                    Orrgannnnn—Xyloghost                                                                    that roused me from Lore Olympus—therosenpants                          ORGAN!—Jawodra                                                                          What’s with the loud organ?—maze-zen                                            organ AWESOME—snows                                                                THE ORGAN WAS PERFECT—whereisthepersian                          I loved it!—MelancholysChild                                                            Is that new? that’s BADASS–snows                                                  Organ <3—Carole                                                                          The organ is loud because Ben is loud—PureAnon                          Erik is playing his pocket organ–Abberina                                        It’s the phantom of the phantom of the opera—wheel-of-fish

Oh God now I have to count Organ mentions (>20) and everyone is going to judge me—Aldebaran

*What scent are the Phantom’s candles:  Previously established in the official “Love That Lair” candle line, in addition to  Vanilla Brown Sugar, Cucumber Melon, Tobacco Spice, Underground Despair, and Hopeless Mist, the newest entry unveiled for this stream was Sepulchral Solitude, a light and airy blend of ennui, nihilism and condensation, perfect for occasional bouts of midnight composing.

*The Phantom’s pillows mentions:  2

obligatory pillow mentions, they are a nice colour scheme–missbuster

Baritone Love Fest:

we! love! a baritone! phantom!—butdreamsofbeauty

Baritones are the best!–PureAnon

Yes!—JacobZ

Yes to baritones.  To whatever they ask.—Aldebaran

baritones are incredible—angelofthelake

I like em big and boomy—Bozzleboz

yes they are—MelancholysChild

The deeper and boomier, the better—PureAnon

*Erik has Skillz:

Okay so Ben just flipped through about six alternate personalities in a single line, and that’s impressive—snows

his voice is like chocolate sauce—Benny-Lynne

His voice is so deep I wanna scuba dive in it—Benny-Lynne

The Swagger at Rest:

Sir must you spread your legs so—snows

snows yes he MUST—ashadeintheshade

nice stance—MelancholysChild

Oo.  Manspreading—Bozzleboz

but like… the good kind–snows                                                       

Sweet Music’s Throne:  Ben’s nascent aggression came out in his organ playing.  The INSTRUMENT!

OMG HIS KNEES This is really funny to me—madamefaust

He is def using his knees a lot—christinegrrl

Oh he’s….trying to play the keyboard—missbuster

He’s putting his back into that organ playing, there—haunted-hideaway

he’s definitely a more aggressive phantom I think—wheel-of-fish

A good squat workout I guess?—christinegrrl

Lift with your knees man—haunted-hideaway

The key to being an organist is all in the lumbar–Jacobz

Ben’s stance remains a source of….let’s call it concern.  Yes, concern:

He’s got good stance—ashadeintheshade

why are his legs SO far apart though—butdreamsofbeauty

because they’re so loooong—missbuster

power stance—MelancholysChild

is he riding an invisible horse?—jadowdra

And, inevitably, boner mentions: 5 (You know who you are.  Good thing, because I was watching Ben.)

The Phantom is pleased to announce:   boner mentions are ummm holding firm

Christine makes questionable choices:

oh she looked down—christinegrrl

she totally looked down and then bolted but let’s be real WHY RUN—snows

Boner-adjacent vocabulary:

Horny and variants (>17)

Lusty (2)

Organ—THE INSTRUMENT!!  (>20)

Christine does not stan a crafty Phantom:

he’s doing so well then he has to bring Barbara into it—Virg’s mom

SEE?  I MADE THIS FOR YOU?

OOPS

THAT DID NOT GO TO PLAN—haunted-hideaway

Strange Ships:  The debut of a long overdue category highlighting all the really random ships that are proposed during a given stream.

Erik/RaoulBot—haunted-hideaway

Andre/Carlotta–????

Barbara/severed Hannibal head—????

Christine/Luigi—ashadeintheshade

Barbara/new and improved sexbot from LND—Onthevirg

RaoulBot/Barbara—DocTy {streamers were split here that Barbara shouldn’t settle versus OTP}

Yes, I know, it’s a great disservice to Barbara but still, maybe they can bond over replacement parts—DocTy

Only in this streams I walk away with either a new favourite actor, a fanfic recommendation and/or a new pairing to ship—Jadowdra

*Education of the Innocent:  Several seminars were held this stream.  First,  a wide ranging and frank discussion of historically accurate ballet rats, pimping and ummm social diseases.  We segued from a dissertation on our own Madame Giry as a probable pimp to the topic of the hierarchy of French Royalty.  These topics heavily featured our resident history buffs therosenpants, angedelamusique, PureAnon and madamefaust, with varying degrees of participation in the pimping and social disease discussions.  Second, a discourse on “the catch” and variations, the catch being allowed in London and not on Broadway due to union rules.  A variant unknown to me, the “half catch” was mentioned.  Third, a sadly eye-opening (for some) discussion of the “horsey dance”:

Look, Norm was directed to do the horsey dance.  Anything is possible on Broadway.—madamefaust

sorry a HORSEY DANCE—butdreamsofbeauty

HORSEY DANCE???—onthevirg

horsey dance…??—angelofthelake

ah yes the ever classic jumping up and galloping horsey dance—madamefaust

It was more of a forceful trot during ‘Order your fine horses’ in Final Lair—madamefaust

faust you can’t just drop that in chat and not explain yikes—butdreamsofbeauty

someone link the gif—andgedelamusique

[fatefully the gif was linked]

thanks, I hate it!—butdreamsofbeauty

OH I thought that was a JOKE, that was REAL?—ashadeintheshade

oh noooo I saw that in like a compilation of funny phantoms and i thought it was a joke oh no—ashadeintheshade

The Horsey Dance claims more victims–Aldebaran

STYDI Sound effects:

[the Phantom collapses]

plorp—wheel-of-fish

plorp—MelancholysChild

Now I want to hear his palms squeak on the ground—madamefaust

I’m Jewish and I don’t approve of this level of ham Curse youuuuu—JacobZ

Prior to Il Muto the organ makes another appearance.  The INSTRUMENT!!!:

Organ boop!—Bozzleboz

Organ again.  Oh God now I said it.—Aldebaran

Aldebaran, you can’t escape the organ.  The Phantom’s organ WILL find you.—PureAnon

this Erik is so extra he took the organist’s place in the orchestra—DocTy

Il Muto Pillow Mentions:  1

Fascinating discussion about which is worse/better, bad actors or boring actors:

It’s the old argument between what’s worse bad or boring—GlassPrism

is it better to burn out or fade away—wheel-of-fish

Is it more fun to watch an Uwe or a Thiago—GlassPrism

Thiago activates my RAGE setting.—madamefaust

AIAOY is never make me watch this again:  Words cannot capture AIAOY.  Nevertheless we tried. Here are selected comments.

EXECUTEEMPATHY2.0—missbuster

Maybe there is a rat driving him by his mustache like in Ratatouille.  Raoultatouille.—missbuster

turn.her.90.degrees—Aldebaran

if she shakes him, I bet we can hear him rattle—DocTy

Raoul.exe has stopped working—christinegrrl

he bluescreened—butdreamsofbeauty

error 404—angelofthelake

can you even play Doom on this Raoul?—Jadowdra

Does he even like her?—madamefaust

He’s just staring into the abyss—angelofthelake

Why did no one tell him that wooing does not involve low-level dread—JacobZ

<10> no more talk of darkness GOTO20—snows

<20> forget these wide eyed fears GOTO30—snows

his wooing program has bugs–Aldebaran

YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN MY ARCH-ENEMY THIAGO–madamefaust

are they actually kissing?—madamefaust

now you must place your face upon her face and remain still—butdreamsofbeauty

this is depressing—virg’s lil sister

It’s more fun to suffer as a group—wheel-of-fish

Prevailing Theory:

The Phantom clearly switched Raoul with a mannequin—Maze-zen

Fondly Remembering Christian Lund during this AIAOY:  4

Fondly Remembering  “the Boop” during this AIAOY: 5

*Requests for AIAOY Kiss replay:  0

Priorities Straight:  Host Fish caller for dog pictures on her blog during the stream, resulting in the following mentions

Dogs (35, may need to be adjusted as one of Flora’s dogs is large enough to count as two), Goats (6), Cats (9), Rabbits (5), Chickens (3) Regular non-Cherik deer (1) Pig (1) Cherik deer (9)            actual human children (1)

The Masquerade, or as some wags had it due to the mannequins on the staircase, the de Chagny family reunion:

Let’s see the robot try to dance—katarinajones

dance.exe—whereisthepersian

dance.exe failed to start—phantomofthebasement

He is going as a robot to the masquerade–Aldebaran

People gonna trip over his charging cable—whereisthepersian

Relief is the wrong emotion to feel when the Red Death arrives:

Why at a costume party is everyone afraid of a costumed man?  How do they know to be scared?  Do they hear the background music?—JacobZ

It’s his authoritative stance—madamefaust

Christine’s reaction maybe?—ktarinajones

I think they’re afraid he’s going to drop another chandelier on them.  Which, valid.—madamefaust

They saw the bead work.  They know who it is.—haunted-hideaway

*Sad comment is sad:  commenting on the ornate bow on the score for Don Juan Triumphant

He wraps it up like the present he never received.—haunted-hideaway

*Fathering Gaze lyric: 1

*That staff tho:    

“I’m going to a graveyard.  I should take my shooty stick with the skull on it!”—haunted-hideaway

We passed the Point of No Return long ago.  From the auction, in fact:

his accent, lol–ashadeintheshade 

Accent—Bozzleboz

itsa me…—Aldebaran

ITSA HIM—madamefaust

I hate you all—wheel-of-fish

And Ben plays videogames backstage.  His inspiration is literally Super Mario.—madamefaust

That was some nice cup stroking—GlassPrism                   

The Raoul Hole holds no dangers for Raoulbot:

Oh no he’s going to rust and shut down in the lake—wheel-of-fish

They spray him down and moisten him before he jumps in, otherwise he’ll just float on top—haunted-hideaway

Raoul’s wifi is down once more:

Is the boat stuck?  Oh, there it goes—madamefaust

The radio signals running Raoul confused the boat—Aldebaran

The organ makes a return in Down Once More:  The INSTRUMENT!!!!:  2

Veil Fluff Mentions: 2

he didn’t fluff the veil—ashadeintheshade

I like the veil fluff–ashadeintheshade

Veil Yeet Mentions: 11

The Kiss.  An actual human kiss, unlike AIAOY:

ohhh he bends into the kiss—Aldebaran

Aw he’s TRYING to figure out how to kiss—Flora-Gray

He done touched a lady.—haunted-hideaway

That was a good kiss—Abberina

Bozzleboz breaks me, as the Phantom approaches hanging Raoul with a candle:

I burn him now, yes?–Bozzleboz

The Phantom breaks us:

oh god.  He just broke me.—Bozzleboz

ohhhh poor angel—Aldebaran

aw erik :(–angeloflake

he’s so resigned:(–Benny-Lynne

we love an exhausted depressed sewer man—butdreamsofbeauty

This Phantom survives just so he can go disassemble Raoul—Aldebaran

Looks Like We Made It:

Time to go plug Raoulbot in for the night—angelofthelake

Performance Comparisons for Raoul/Career Suggestions for Raoul, You Decide:

Nutcracker—Aldebaran

Mannequin Bride—coroaline

Tin Man—christinegrrl, yiks

Edward Scissorhands—GlassPrism

Calculon from Futurama—IamErik771

C3PO—wheel-of-fish

Automaton—ktarinajones

Dalek–missbuster

Cardboard Cutout—haunted-hideaway

Hat Stand–Bozzleboz

*Things I wish I had said:            

Christine in Final Lair:  She has to go put Raoul in a bag of rice but she’ll be back—Benny-Lynne

*Statistician Aldebaran’s two favorite personal quotes:  

little known fact, the red scarf is actually a fanbelt from Raoulbot

19 years on the score, 1 year on the bow

Phew!  See you shortly with the By the Numbers of Moscow from LAST week!!!  Aldebaran

[salthaven]

Stupid and in Love: Origins, Part Two

Chapter Two: Origins, Part Two

   Nino’s first day of school was okay. He supposes that it could have gone better. On one hand, it sucks that Miss Bustier forced him to sit in the front. But on the other hand, he gets to sit closer to Nette, so that’s rad.

   Plus, he sits alone. So he can chill out and not worry about getting in a desk partner’s space.

   He kind of wishes he had the nerve to ask Nette to sit with him. But she seems happy beside that new girl...Alya, yeah? Yeah. She seems chill. He’s glad Nette made a friend, she needs them.

   The rest of the day went as usual, you know? He got told off for trying to listen to music when class started, he got distracted by seeing Nette for a minute (just a minute, he swears), and, oh yeah, his classmate turned into a supervillain and started rampaging all over Paris.

   Fun times, fun times.

   Okay, no, this is a fever dream or something, right? Nino imagined yesterday, right?

   Wrong.

   It’s all over the news. Every news channel talks about Stoneheart’s rampage from yesterday, covers Ladybug and Chat Noir’s superhero debut, and then panics over the sudden appearance of stone monsters that are as still as statues.

   Nino passes one of them, frozen in place. It’s bizarre. It’s unreal.

   Nino slips through the entrance, then pauses. Turning around, he sees Marinette, who stares at a stone monster with...guilt? Or maybe it’s fear.

   Either way, Nino finds himself walking over to her, slowly moving his hands to tug down his headphones.

   “Nette!” Nino calls out, and she jumps, eyes darting away from the monster.

   “Hey, Nino,” she says, smiling awkwardly. “How are you?”

   He shrugs. “Doing as well as I can. It’s surreal, isn’t it?”

   “More like awesome!” Alya shouts as she races up to the two. She waves her phone frantically. “Guys, I got the best footage of Ladybug yesterday! She was so cool!”

   “Really?” Marinette asks, and the word seems strangled. “But look at all of these Stonehearts. Don’t you think she should have stopped this?”

   Alya brushes off Marinette’s concerns. “Don’t worry, girl, I bet Ladybug will have this fixed before we notice! She’s epic, I’m telling you. I think I’m going to make a blog about her- I could call it the Ladyblog! That has a nice ring, don’t you think?”

   Nino watches how Marinette shrinks in on herself, shrugging. “I, I don’t know. What about Chat Noir? He seems to have a hang of the whole hero thing, maybe you should base the blog on him?”

   Alya shrugs. “I can’t come up with a good name for a Chat Noir themed blog, but good idea!”

   “So you’re like a, uh, Lois Lane?” Nino asks. “Reporting on the heroes, fangirling on the side?”

   Alya shrugs, a smirk growing. “Hey, if it means Chat Noir wants to sweep me off my feet, he can go right ahead.”

   Nino snorts and holds open the door to the school. The girls pass him, and then he says, “So, see a hero for one day and fall for him?”

   “What can I say? I love superheroes.” Alya pockets her phone as she shoves open the locker room’s door. “And if I can’t be a hero, I might as well report on them, you know?”

   “But if you could be a hero, would you?” Marinette asks. Nino blinks, surprised by the urgent tone in Marinette’s voice. Is she...is she okay?

   ‘She’s just stressed,’ Nino reasons with himself. ‘She needs to focus on something, get her mind off of the frozen Stonehearts.’

   “Of course!” Alya doesn’t hesitate, grinning. “I’d be thrilled to fight beside Ladybug and Chat Noir! Imagine that.”

   Marinette tugs on one of her pigtails, a nervous habit of hers that Nino has caught onto. “What about being Ladybug?”

   Alya snorts. “Yeah, right. Like I could replace her.”

   Marinette frowns. “I’m sure you could. She didn’t do that great yesterday.”

   Nino pauses, then sets his textbook back in his locker. Turning to Marinette, he asks, “Nette, why don’t you like Ladybug?”

   “Huh?” She seems startled by the question, and Nino flushes.

   “You just, well, you keep talking about how bad Ladybug was, and that she messed up...do you not like her?”

   Marinette waves her arm frantically, shaking her head. “No! No, I just meant that, uh, she’s just getting so much praise and Chat isn’t but she doesn’t seem to know what she’s doing and I-”

   “Girl,” Alya says calmly, patting Marinette’s shoulder, “it’ll be fine. I know it’s scary, but you need to relax. Ladybug is new, but she’ll figure it out. She’s smart.” Alya winks. “I’ve seen her up close, the girl is clever.”

   Marinette slumps. “If you say so.” She shuts her locker and turns to Nino. “You have everything you need?”

   Nino grabs his textbook, then nods. “Yeah! Let’s go.”

   The walk to class is a bit quiet, but Alya rambles on about how Ladybug’s crazy plan to defeat Stoneheart yesterday. Nino can tell that Alya is trying to help Marinette calm down, but Marinette just seems defeated.

   He hopes that Ladybug and Chat Noir will fix everything, and soon. He hates seeing Nette look so down.

   Stepping into the classroom, Nino is surprised to see a new student. The boy looks, well, he looks annoyed, throwing out a piece of gum as he scolds Chloé.

   “Seriously, you can’t put gum on someone’s seat just because they upset you!” He admonishes. Chloé, for her part, just rolls her eyes.

   “Of course I can, Adrikins. Listen, you haven’t been here before, but you’ll understand. She’s awful!”

   “I doubt anyone deserves that, Chloé,” ‘Adrikins’ responds.

   “Oh what’s she doing now?” Alya asks, glaring at Chloé.

   The blond boy turns to face her, eyes wide. “Are you Marinette?”

   Marinette clears her throat, eyes inquisitive as she steps forward. “I’m Marinette.”

   He smiles awkwardly. “Your seat might be a little...sticky. I tried to remove most of the gum, but I’m not sure if I was able to get all of it.” He huffs, side-eyeing Chloé. “I wouldn’t have had to worry about it if someone had just restrained themselves.”

   Chloé scoffs. “Puh-lease. Adrien, she’s horrible. She deserves it.”

   “Oh, I’m horrible?” Marinette asks, and it’s like a fuse has been lit within her. Suddenly, she’s glaring at Chloé with a venom Nino has never seen in the sweet and timid girl. “Because, last I checked, I’m not the girl who goes around bullying everyone in this class, and kicking kids out of their seats because their precious ‘Adrikins’ is going to sit in the spot in front of them!”

   Nino blinks, surprised that Marinette yelled at Chloé. It was kind of hot, he’s not going to lie.

   Chloé laughs, sitting down in Nette’s old seat. “Oh no, I’m so scared. What are you gonna do, Dupain-Cheng? It’s not like you’ve ever done anything before.”

   Marinette inhales deeply, summoning her courage. Then she speaks calmly. “Move.”

   “What?”

   “Get out of my seat. Move.”

   “Puh-lease. It’s my seat, fair and square!” She smirks. “So you can just shut up and go back to your new seat.”

   Marinette scowls, opening her mouth...and then shuts it. Suddenly, the fight goes out of the bluenette. She backs up, looking down. “I…” the bell rings before Marinette can finish her sentence. She sighs and slips into her seat.

   Nino glares at Chloé before sitting in his spot. Adrien awkwardly sits beside him.

   “I’m sorry,” Adrien says, and Nino can tell that the blond is sincere. “Chloé and I have been friends for as long as I can remember, I didn’t know she was like...this. She’s been my only friend my whole life.”

   Nino cringes. “That’s rough, bro.”

   He shrugs. “I tried to talk to her, but I’m not sure how much Chloé cares. Is she always like this?” He looks afraid of the answer, fidgeting with a silver ring on his finger.

   “Yeah, man, Chloé is the worst.”

   Adrien sighs. “I never knew. Wow, I stink at making friends.”

   “Hey, I’ll be your friend!” Nino smiles, patting Adrien on the back. “So now you have a better record. And I bet Nette and Alya will want to be your friends, after seeing how you scolded Chloé. That was epic, man!”

   “Really?”

“Really.”

Adrien smiles. “I’m glad. Marinette didn’t deserve that.”

He’s right. She didn’t. She doesn’t deserve any of Chloé’s comments or insults. Nobody does.

   Maybe it’s time that Nino starts standing up for himself, too. Like Nette did, even if it was just for a moment…

   The door slams open as Miss Bustier calls Ivan’s name, pulling Nino out of his thoughts. Stoneheart stands in the doorway, growling.

   “Chloooooé,” he drawls out. “Mylèèèèèène.” He walks towards the two girls, grabbing them and stalking out. Nino is vaguely aware of screaming, of footsteps pounding as his classmates race away in fear. He watches Adrien as he darts off, muttering something about hiding, stares at Alya as she pulls out her phone, as she says something about how she needs to record the fight, sees how Marinette darts after the girl with wide eyes and frantic words falling out of her mouth, carrying Alya’s bag with her.

   He jumps up, chasing after Marinette. He can’t let her get hurt!

   He can’t find her. He can’t find her, and she’s going to get hurt and-

   Nino watches as an old man trips and falls over. He rushes over and helps.

   “Are you okay, du- sir?” Nino asks. The man nods, smiling slightly.

   “Yes. Thank you, young man. Are you alright?”

   “Huh?”

   “You seemed to be worried,” the man says, resting on his cane. “Is something the matter?”

   “My friend, Nette,” Nino finds himself saying. “She raced after our friend Alya, and I’m worried Nette will get hurt. I can’t really tell Alya to stop, I just met her, but Nette is one of my first friends and I don’t, I can’t let anything happen to her.” Words. They make sense, right?

   The old man smiles knowingly. “She’s special to you, isn’t she?”

   Nino nods, unsure of what to say.

   The man hums. “Perhaps you should head back to your school. Maybe you will figure out what to do there, yes?”

   Nino shrugs. “I, maybe?”

   “Lockers are a good area to hide, if the monster comes by,” the man advises, and then hobbles off. Then he pauses, and says, “Take good care of your friends, okay? I’m counting on you, Nino.”

   Determination fills him. “I will, du- sir!” He turns to head back to school, then freezes. Turning around, he starts, “Wait, how did you know my-”

   The man is gone.

   Nino shakes it off. Maybe he told the man? But he doesn’t remember mentioning his name. Does it matter?

   Nino heads to the locker room, trying to come up with a plan. Alright, so he lost track of Marinette, there’s a bunch of Stonehearts all over Paris, and he’s supposed to protect Marinette...how?

   Opening his locker, Nino finds an oddly shaped box. Confused, he opens it.

   A turtle shaped thing flies out, and eyes him with a somewhat downcast expression.

   “You must be Nino,” the turtle greets. “Very well. I am Wayzz, your Kwami. We must act quickly, to help out Ladybug and Chat Noir.”

   Suddenly, Nino has a way to protect Nette...and all of Paris, too.

   This’ll be interesting.

[marjorie189]

Chapter 9

Y/N’s Outfit: 

Y/N POV

Shawn pulled up to the restaurant's valet.

The workers opened my side of the door and held it open. I got my clutch and smiled at the worker holding the Jeeps door. I got out and walked towards Shawn side of the Jeep.

Shawn handed the keys to the chauffeur, we then walked into the restaurant. The man that collects the coats comes to get mine, but Shawn speaks up.

"I'll take her coat, thanks sir." Shawn says smiling at the worker.

"Of course, sir!" The worker said kindly.

Shawn grabs the upper part of my coat and I slightly blush as he does.

"Thank you." I whisper not being able to get my voice to rise.

"No problem, beautiful." He says giving me a warm smile.

Shawn and I walked to the front.

"Reservations for Y/N L/N." I said to the lady in the front.

"Perfect! Your the last two in your party!" The lady said. "He'll lead you to the rest of your table!"

Another worker lead us to our table where everyone was waiting for us.

"Wait so everyone is already here?" Shawn whispered.

"I'm guessing?" I said.

"Oh god! I'm nervous! Do they know I'm coming?" Shawn said regarding my family.

"No they don't!" I giggled knowing that, that'll make him more nervous.

"Oh god Y/N!" Shawn said nervously.

"You'll be fine I promise!" I said squeezing his shoulder in reassurance.

He smiled locking his eyes with me.

"This way!" The worker said opening a door, leading us to seatings arrangements in an outdoorsy large room.

There was round tables everywhere! With white tablecloths, large candles in the middle of the table, and beautiful garden-like flower centerpieces. There was chandeliers hanging from the glass see through roofs.

"It's beautiful!" I gasped in awe.

I saw The Dream Team and my family sitting down in the tables. Three tables were set up in one in order to fit us all.

Everyone turned around and saw Shawn and I.

My parents and brothers faces were in shock, from Shawn's presence, I couldn't help but blush.

We walked towards them and I introduced Shawn. First we go over to my parents.

"Mom, dad this is Shawn!" I said to them. "He wanted to meet you guys." I say.

"Shawn this is my mother and father, Patrick and Melissa!" I said introducing them.

My parents stood up.

"Hi, Hello! I'm Shawn!" Shawn said cutely, shaking their hands.

"Good afternoon, Shawn! Nice to meet you!" My mom said shooting him, her million dollar smile.

"It's my pleasure, Mrs. Y/L/N!" Shawn said with his toothy smile.

"Shawn! Finally nice to meet you!" My dad said.

"Thank you sir! Nice to meet you too!" Shawn said.

"Guys sit! We'll talk more later. We don't want to disturb the other parties!" My mother said to Shawn and I.

Shawn and I sat down together.

Shawn and I waved to the Dream Team. They all waved back.

Dylan and Garrett were sitting to my left, and Shawn to my right.

I turned to Garrett and Dylan, and saw them staring at us intensively.

"Dylan! Garrett! I want you to meet Shawn!" I said hugging them in my seat.

"Hey sis!" They both say.

"This is Shawn! As you know he'll be the artist I'm go on tour with!" I say to them.

My parents and The Dream Team Members we're listening to our conversation.

"Nice to finally meet you guys!" Shawn said shaking their hands.

"Yes! Nice to finally meet you too! After hearing about you all the time from this one, for years!!" Garrett said laughing.

Shawn chuckled.

"I'm Dylan! I love your grind and hard work man!" Dylan said.

"Thank you! You're great too!" Shawn said based on his acting game.

Shawn started talking to the Dream Team Members.

"Just so you know we're not messing up your hair because we're in a fancy restaurant!!" Garrett whisper-yelled to me.

I glared at him.

"Well we should come to more fancy restaurants then!" I said putting the cloth on top of my thighs.

Dylan laughed.

"Hey where's Mason??" I asked my mom.

"He was too excited to see you, that he ended sleeping from being so tired of being energized!" Melissa said lying to Y/N.

Her children got the acting skills from her great lying skills. Her children never knew when she lied.

"Aww!" I said sadly.

A waiter then came and starting taking our orders.

I looked through the menus and ordered a pasta.

Everyone ordered their foods and the waiter went to give our order to the cooks.

"So Shawn! How did you find out about Y/N?" My dad said making conversation with Shawn.

"Well my team and I were looking for someone to open up my concerts on tour! What Y/N doesn't know is that Aaliyah, my sister was the one that told me about her! She told me that Y/N did covers of my songs and that she was a fan! So my team and I checked her covers, and we instantly loved her and her voice!" Shawn exclaimed.

"So you're telling me that your whole team and family know about me!" I said to Shawn.

"Well yeah! When you meet them you'll see that they really like you, so you don't have to be nervous!" Shawn said.

I decided not to make a scandal in front of my parents because they'll probably scold me later.

"We'll talk about this later!" I whispered to Shawn.

"I would totally roll my eyes at you right now but your parents and brothers are here!" Shawn whispered making sure no one heard.

We both chuckled.

A group of waiters came and gave us all our food and drinks.

I took my phone out of my clutch and started video taping on Snapchat and on my Instagram Story.

We're here having a celebration dinner because I'm going on tour with Shawn Mendes! *Shawn comes onto the screen smiling* *Turned the camera* *Shows Family, Dream Team, and Food*

I posted the story onto my platforms.

We all dug into the food and had a great time talking and getting to know each other!

"Foods on me!" Shawn suddenly says.

"What? No!!" I said with food in my mouth.

"Shawn! No! Don't worry about it!" My mom said.

"No really! I would love to pay! It's no big deal!" Shawn said looking at my mom.

"No shawn! Don't worry about it!" My mom said to him.

"Really it's ok! Plus Y/N paid for The Harry Potter wands!!" Shawn said looking at me.

"Shawn! They're wands from Walmart! Not a whole dinner!" I said.

"If you really don't want me to pay, I won't." Shawn said reassuringly.

"Thank you!" I said smiling at Shawn.

"That's a really nice offer man! Thanks!" Dylan said.

"Yeah! Except Y/N being her stubborn self didn't let you be the kind man you are!" Garrett said.

I turned to Garrett and glared at him.

"Garrett just didn't want to pay for his food!" Tessa said laughing, making the whole table erupt in laughter.

The waiter came, "Is everything good?"

"Yes! Thank you! Can we get the most expensive champagne you guys have?" My father asked.

"On your way, sir! And here's a treat!  The waiter said giving me a plate of dessert.

"Oh this is cute!" I say.

"It is!" Bethany said looking over to my plate.

I giggled.

"Time for a toast!" Froy asked my dad regarding the champagne.

"Yes son!" My dad said.

The waiter came back with the finest champagne in the restaurant.

"I'll bring you all champagne glasses!" The waiter said walking away.

My father opened up the bottle and the cork flew across the room. We got glared at from the other parties.

"Patrick!" My mother scolded at my dad.

We all laughed in the table except my parents.

My dad lifted up his arm, in a way of apologizing for the ruckus.

The waiter came and started passing out the champagne glasses to everyone. My dad passed the bottle to everyone at the table and we all served champagne.

The waiter left and my father started the toast.

He stood up getting. ready. He made eye contact with me and I smiled.

Jazzy started vlogging the toasts for The Dream Team YouTube channel.

"Y/N oh Y/N!" My father sighed. "I just want to start off by saying that you have grown up to be a beautiful young lady. You have always cared about others, you put others before yourself. For example your fans! You care and love for them! All you want is for them to be happy and make their dreams come true! Now it's your time to make your dreams come true! And you are. I am so proud of you Y/N, I could never ask for a better you! You are my little girl, my babygirl and I love you!" My dad said raising up his glass.

I smiled and thanked him.

"Y/N you are the most perfect daughter any mother could ask for! You are always so kind and sweet hearted. Everytime I ask you for a favor you gladly accept. I am so proud of the daughter I have raised and seen grown. I'm so excited to see what is in store for your life! Everyone in this table will miss you when you're out accomplishing your dreams! I'm glad that you'll be with Shawn and not another artist because I can tell Shawn is a great guy and he'll take care of you!" My mom said raising her glass.

We all clapped and looked at who was next.

"Y/N you have been such an amazing friend. You are honestly the most selfless person I've met. I totally agree with Patrick that you always put others ahead of you. And you did that with Emilio and I. You made sure that Emilio and I didn't hold any grudges towards Jake. You helped us become the bigger person by talking with Jake instead of stirring the pot on social media for everyone to see! I want to thank you and I'll miss you when you're on tour with Shawn, I'll even miss you bossing me around the house!" Ivan said.

I smiled and turned to Emilio.

"You are my best friend! We have always had a great time together! I'll miss you when you're on tour! But I know that you are going to have the time of your life with Shawn. You'll be traveling the world and singing, you're favorites. Te quiero mucho Y/N! (I love you Y/N)!" Emilio said.

It was now Tessa turn.

"Y/N my best friend! You're gonna leave me!! I'll miss you so so much! I know that you're gonna be living your dreams though, and that's all that matters! You better call me, text me, FaceTime me every day. Or else I will! I'm glad that you're gonna be with Shawn! I can already tell that you guys are gonna be great friends! I can't wait to see you perform in stadiums. Love you Y/N/N!" Tessa said raising her glass.

"Y/N I'm gonna miss you!! All the girls are. I'm gonna miss our girl talks and getting ready together! I'm gonna miss making videos together! Now who's gonna make the boys hurry up when we're running late! Just you in general brings a light in all of our lives. I love you girly. Just remember always be you and you're a role model to everyone!" Bethany said raising her glass.

It was now Jazzy's turn.

"Y/N I'm going to miss you so much! You have always been there for me and I have always been there for you! Us girls have formed a powerful connection. We can always talk to each other and trust each other and I'm gonna miss that. You're the life of the party and you always see the good in people! That's what I love about you! I'll miss you hunny!" She said blowing me a kiss.

"Oh these next two will be long ones!" I huffed looking at my older brothers.

The table laughed, agreeing. Dylan stands up first, glass in his hand.

"Hey lil sis! I'm so happy to see how far you've come. It makes me sad AND happy to see you grown up. We may be only five years apart in age, but we were always close. I'm happy your going on with your dream. Like I always said dream big baby sis, and you did. I'm so proud to call you my baby sister. It really feels like just yesterday, that me and Garrett were staring down at you in your crib." He gets choked up for a minute looking down. "We'll miss you so much, you better call!" He points at me and I giggle. "Anyway congratulates baby sis! I love you so much!" He hugs me and I start to lightly cry.

I was surprised to see Dylan shed some tears.

Next Garrett stands up. He gets a cheeky smile on and starts as I roll my eyes at him.

"Hmmmm y/n what can I say that Dylan already hasn't said? I want you to know that I'm always going to be here for you! I love you baby sis! You honestly are the best person in the world! I agree with every little thing everyone has said in their toasts. I'm so proud of you and I'm thrilled that you're following your dreams. I always knew you were capable of everything and anything! I love you Y/N! And I can't believe I'm tearing up, Dylan and I made a pact that the only times you would see us cry is when you were born and when you would get married! As you can see we broke that pact already, and I'm sure we'll break it again in the far future!" Garrett said wiping his tears as he sat down.

I turned around and saw that Shawn wasn't in his seat. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"He went to the restroom." Jazzy said smiling.

"Oh ok! Let's finish off the toast without him then!" I said sadly.

"CHEERS!" We all said and clicked our glasses together.

We all sipped our champagne.

Shawn came back and sat with us.

The waiter came and asked if we were good.

"Actually can we have the check?" My mom said.

"Dinner's all paid for!" The waiter smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"Hey?" Shawn said putting his hand on my shoulder.

I turned around looking at Shawn.

"I wanted to pay for you guys! I want to get along with you guys and create a great relationship! Y/N is a great person and I want to get to know you all! I hope you guys are ok with me paying!" Shawn explained to my family.

"Shawn! Thank you so much! But it's the last time you'll pay! I'm letting this slide." My mom said.

"Thank you Ms. Y/L/N!" Shawn smiled.

"Call me Melissa please!" My mom said.

"Oh so that's where you were when apparently you were in the "bathroom"?" I say giggling.

Shawn nodded, giving me his hand.

I giggled and we all stood up, getting out of the restaurant.

The valet pulled up with all of our whips.

"Bye guys! Thank you so much for everything! I love you guys so so much!!" I said to family.

"We love you too baby!" My dad said.

We all hugged and Shawn and I went onto his Jeep.

Shawn started driving out of the parking lot.

"You didn't have to pay!" I said to Shawn.

"I wanted to though! And I want your family to like me!" Shawn said going into the freeway.

"Thank you though! For the kind gesture! You're so sweet!" I said kissing his cheek.

He smiled and his cheeks turned into a rose color.

3rd Person POV

Shawn wanted to kiss Y/N so bad! He wanted to feel her soft plump lips in his. He wanted to feel her kiss against his. Every minute that he spends with Y/N he finds something more to like about her!

While Shawn and Y/N were in the Jeep driving to The Dream Team House, Y/N's family and The Dream Team Members we're speeding to get to the house before them.

Team10 was in the Dream Teams House, they were planning a little get together to celebrate Y/N.

They invited every social media star that Y/N was friends with!

The Dream Team Members and Y/N's family sped to the house to get there before Y/N and Shawn.

Shawn knew about the plan though, so he drove slow on purpose.

Jazzy planned this whole get together, but since she was at the dinner she asked Cloutgang and Team10 if they wanted to plan the get together.

Unfortunately they both said yes, and they obviously can't be in the same room. So Jazzy told them to choose a number, and whoever was the closest to Jazzy's number got to plan the get together and be in the get together.

Team10 was closer to Jazzy's number, and unfortunately Cloutgang didn't get to go to the get together.

That's what Y/N hated! Both of them were her friends and she hated when she had a party or an event she had to decide who to invite! Cloutgang or Team10?

Everyone was in The Dream Teams House waiting for Y/N to arrive with Shawn.

Once Y/N's family and the members arrived they went inside and got ready to hide.

They turned off all the lights from the inside and outside of the house.

Y/N POV

Shawn pulled up to the house.

"Why is it so dark?? We always leave the lights from outside on!" I said looking around. You could hardly see anything, it was so dark.

"I don't know that's weird!" Shawn lied getting out of the Jeep.

He walked to Y/N's side and opened the door.

"Here let me hold you! What if there's an intruder?!" Shawn said lying. He didn't want Y/N to see the cars so he held her close to him.

He put her face against his chest, so that she wouldn't see the cars.

"Ok?" I said.

"Here were almost to the door!" Shawn said walking towards the doors.

He opened the doors without Y/N noticing and took her to the backyard, where everyone was hiding.

All the cameras were getting ready to capture Y/N's reaction.

Y/N and Shawn walked out to the backyard and everyone was recording them.

"Look!" Shawn whispered to me. I opened my eyes and moved my face away from Shawn's chest.

"CONGRATULATIONS!!!" Everyone yelled.

I gasped and bent down on the floor from shock. My hands covered my mouth.

I saw all my friends!

My mom, dad, Dylan, Garrett, Mason, The Dream Team, Team10, Logan Paul,The Supernatural Cast, Why Don't We, The Ace Family, The Dolan Twins, James Charles, Shane Dawson and his squad, Lele Pons and Juanpa.

"OH MY GOD! You guys are amazing!" I screeched.

Shawn and I were on top of the backyard stairs and everyone was down in the grass.

"I ship it!" James yelled screaming your ship name.

I blushed and giggled.

I walked down the stairs with Shawn next to me.

I started hugging everyone and greeting them.

"Y/N!!" Mason said jumping on me.

"Hey Mas! I missed you in the dinner! Mommy told me you were sleeping!!" I said.

"Haha! Me and Mommy tricked you! I was helping with the party!" Mason said.

"Really! You're such a helper bubba!" I said combining our noses.

"Yeah!! Erika and Jakey we're taking care of me!" Mason said pointing to Erika.

I let Mason down and greeted Erika.

"Congratulations Y/N!" Erika said engulfing me in a hug.

"Thank you Rick!" I said hugging her.

"So... You finally met lover boy!!" Erika said elbowing my ribs, looking at Shawn.

"Yeah I finally met him!" I blushed.

"Aww! I can't wait until you finally date!!" Erika laughed.

"Oh stop!" I laughed.

"You look so pretty all dressed up!!" Erika said touching the ruffles of my dress.

"Thank you!" I said hugging her.

"Hey I'll talk to you later okay?! I'm gonna go greet everyone else" I said.

"Of course! I'll hang with this cutie!" Erika said carrying Mason.

I giggled and walked away.

"You guys!!!" I said hugging Alex Calvert. My lover in Supernatural.

"We missed you!" Misha said hugging me.

"I missed you guys too!" I said hugging Jensen and then Jared.

"How's everything? We've missed our little girl!" Jensen said side hugging me.

"Everything's great! I've missed you guys though!" I said.

"We've missed you too!" Jared said chuckling.

"We should go matching for the 13th season premiere!" Alex said.

"Yes! We should!" I said.

I talked a bit more with The Supernatural Cast, until I went to greet everyone else.

"Gray!! Eeeteeweetee!! I said teasing them.

"Y/N!" Grayson said smiling like an idiot, hugging me.

"Gray!" I said.

"I feel so small compared to you!" I said.

"You are small! Even with your heels on!" Ethan said.

I slapped his shoulder.

"Owww!" Ethan said massaging the part I hit.

"Oh god! I didn't miss your extraness!" I said rolling my eyes, Grayson laughed.

"I have to deal with it everyday!" Grayson huffed.

"Heyy!" Ethan said.

I giggled and hugged Ethan, yet again I felt small in their muscular, toned bodies.

"Sister Y/N!" James said.

"James!" I said hugging him.

"Y/N!" James said.

I giggled.

"You look so good! Sister Slays!!" James exclaimed.

"James you already know!!" I said laughing.

Grayson and Ethan laughed.

"I'm gonna go say hi to everyone else alright! Love you guys!" I say to them.

"Corbyn! Daniel! Jonah! Zach! Jack!" I yelled and they turned around.

They all engulfed me into a huge hug.

"Why Don't we have a group hug!!" Corbyn said cheekily.

We all laughed.

"How are you guys!?" I asked.

"We're good!" Daniel said.

"I love the album!" I fangirled.

"You're so adorable!" Jonah said pulling me into a hug.

"I know right! It's so great!" Jack said out of nowhere, sarcastically.

I giggled.

"You guys deserve it!" I say.

"You deserve it too! You're going on tour with SHAWN MENDES!" Zach said.

"I know! When we have a concert in L.A. y'all better come!" I said looking at them all.

"We wouldn't miss it in the world!" Daniel said sweetly.

"Well I would love to talk to you guys more, but I have to greet everyone else!! Love you boys!" I say.

"Heyy! We're a man band!!" Zach said all deep.

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Elle! Austin! Catherine!" I say to the ace family.

"Y/N!!" Elle said butchering your name.

"Elle" I say bending down carrying her.

She started playing with my hair, I giggled.

"Y/N!" Austin's said hugging me.

"McBroom!" I say hugging him with Elle in my arms.

"You look beautiful!" Catherine said hugging me.

"Thank you! How's the little McBroom!" I say touching her belly through her dress.

"She's there!" Catherine said.

"Aaww!" I say feeling the baby kick.

"She likes you!" Austin said.

I laughed and looked at Elle.

"Have you seen Mason? You should go pay with him!" I say to Elle.

"No no, bebe! No boys!" Austin said in a baby voice to Elle.

Catherine giggled, and Elle glared at him.

I laughed.

"Well loved seeing you guys again I'm have to greet a few more people!" I say kissing Elle and putting her down.

"Bye Y/L/N!" Austin said.

"Bye McBroom!" I say and giggle.

"Lele! Juanpa!" I say walking up to them.

"Y/N!" Juanpa says in his Spanish accent.

I hugged him and then Lele.

"You look bomb af girl!" Lele said.

I laughed, "Thanks!"

"Congrats!" Juanpa says.

"Thank you!" I say.

"I know! It's so crazy how you were a fan of his and now your going on tour with him!" Lele says.

"You we're destined to be!" Juanpa says in his thick Spanish accent.

"Oh please! I wish!" I say.

"Oooo!" Lele says.

I laugh and went with Shane and his friends.

"Shane!" I say.

"Y/N!" Shane says sitting up from his chair.

I hugged him.

"The first time I don't see you in your Merch!!" I say excitedly.

"I know I made him shop!" Ryland said.

Shane rolled his eyes and snorted.

I laughed and hugged Morgan, Andrew, Garrett, and Ryland.

"You look so pretty!" Morgan gushed.

"Thank you! You look great!" I say to Morgan.

I talked to them a few more minutes.

I then walked towards Team10 and Logan.

"Loggyy!" I say hugging Logan from behind.

"My shortie!!" Logan said lifting me up.

"Logan!!" I screeched.

He laughed at put me down.

I tippy toed and ruffled his perfect curly hair.

"Hey!!" Logan said laughing.

I giggled and I felt someone carrying me in their arms.

I turned around and saw some brown locks, and immediately noticed it was Anthony.

"Trujillo!! Put me down!" I yelled.

"Yes Ma'am!" Anthony said chuckling.

"Tony!! Why are you so tall!" I say hugging him.

"I'm from Ohio baby!" He said.

I rolled me eyes.

"Hey Chad!" I say hugging him.

"Hi Y/N!" He said pulling away from the hug.

"How are you? I'm so happy for you!" He said.

"Thank you, Chad!" I say.

"Of course!" He says.

I hugged Justin.

"Hey Justin!" I say in the hug.

"Hey Y/N/N!" He says.

I giggled.

"Where's Jake??" I say looking around.

I then felt some strong arms around my stomach, pulling me up.

"JAKKEE!!" I yelled.

"Yyy/NNn!" He said dragging my name.

I felt his hot breath in my neck. It sent chills down my body.

"What do you Ohio boys have?? Always carrying me??!" I say looking at Anthony and Logan.

"We just like annoying our little girl!!" Jake says putting me down.

I turn around hugging Jake.

"I'm not little!!" I grunted.

"Yes you are!" Logan said.

"No!!! You're just giants!!" I say.

Anthony laughed.

"May everyone sit down!" Garrett said through a microphone, Dylan by his side.

Everyone sat down in the chairs accompanied by tables.

I sat down next to Shawn. In our table it was some of the Dream Team Members.

"Once everyone settled down Garrett started talking.

"Ok so Y/N we made a slide show! Because we love you and mostly because we want to embarrass you in front of everyone!!" Garrett said.

I glared at him.

"This is for you little sis!" Dylan said playing the video.

He trails off then motions to a video on the back wall starts to play. He sits down.

"Oh no......" I blush and face palm myself as a video of all my embarrassing baby moments come up with Garrett and Dylan's voice in the background:

"Y/N was the most cutest baby of all time! I mean look at her!" Garrett gushed in the video.

Everyone awwed, as I covered my face.

"This was a couple of months after y/n was born. She seriously was a really cute baby!" Dylan's voice says. Then comes Garrett's.......

"Yeah sis what happened?" "Ow!" We hear a slap sound.

"Would you stop that's our sister!"

"It was actually true for this one. The snuggle was real, she much like Mason, loved to snuggle anyone that would snuggle her." I laugh at how they fight even when nobody's watching and how true that statement was.

"I remember watching you in the hospital cribs! I remember thinking that you were the most beautiful sister in the world!" Dylan said. I could hear him tearing up through the video.

Then the next few pictures were about Dylan and Garrett talking about the onesies.

"All the adorable onesies and shirts we got her........" came Dylan's voice. We all awww at some of them.

"We also fought over who was the better brother remember?" Came Garrett's voice.

"Don't remind me!" Came our Mother's voice in the far off background making us all laugh.

"I remember taking these cute cliche photos!" Garrett said.

"Mom started making us dress like this! With Thing 1 Thing 2 shirts!" came Garrett's voice.

"Then we had to add Y/N and Mason as Thing 3 and 4!" Dylan said.

Everyone one in the crowd laughed.

Next two pictures had me blushing like crazy. I mean Shawn is sitting right next to me watching this!!

"Her costumes over the years.....""she liked the chicken one more though." Me and mom laughed.

Everyone in the crowd erupted in laughter.

"You look adorable!" Shawn whispered to me.

I blushed and thanked him.

"Yeah! Only because we decided to tell her that her costume was a pony killer!" Garrett says in the background.

"She did love her pony's." Dylan says.

"She was Audrey Hepburn one time. I remember telling her that she was the cutest little Audrey Hepburn." Garrett says and we all laugh.

"The she was also Cinderella one time. OH MY GOSH! The cutest one she was ever in!" Dylan says.

"No I liked the red riding hood one the most!" Garrett starts a fight. We all laugh as we hear that they are fighting again as I roll my eyes.

"Ok ok! Let's agree to disagree that the ghost one was pretty creative!" Garrett says.

"Yeah we both dressed her up that year and mom just gave us a death look." Dylan says and me and mom giggle.

"Always the little freaking diva of the family. She got mad at Dylan one time at the park because he wouldn't push her." Comes Garrett's voice and I roll my eyes.

This next one also had me blushing. "My first kiss" as the boys like to call it, but in reality it really wasn't a kiss it was a peck. Plus it was me and my best friend. I don't count it because I was a little girl! It was a meaningless peck.

"Yeah, we as brothers were not happy about this one..........." both their voices come on the speakers. We all laugh even I do. Shawn chuckles at their statement.

"Yeah, we as brothers were not happy about this one..........." both their voices come on the speakers. We all laugh even I do. Shawn chuckles at their statement.

"I'd be the same." Shawn says chuckling. I slap his arm playfully.

"We told her no kisses to boys that were not us or dad, That day we kept trying to keep her away from the kid, that later was one of her best friends. AKA JOSH FRECKEN HUTCHERSON!" Then the screen started to rise and josh walks out. I screamed the run over to him giving him a hug.

"Josh! I've missed you so much Bestie!!!" He hugs me back.

"Oh my, you've changed girl!" He says looking me over.

"Yeah, well when you don't see someone for almost a year and only talk over text that's what happens." We laugh and then we walk back over to the table.

"Oh hang on I brought Jen. Let me go get her!" He says running over to table they were in.

I look at my brothers. I then hug them and kiss there cheeks and they chuckle.

"I guess you liked our gift then?" They both ask me just as I sit down next to Shawn again.

"How can I not! You brought my best friend all the way back from the hunger games set just for me!! You knew I was needing to talk to him and you guys listened to me!! I love you guys!!" I say hugging on them one more time.

"Any time sissy." They hug me back then Josh walks out.

"Hey y/n/n this is Jen and Jen this is y/n" we shake hands.

"Hey Joshie this is Shawn,  Shawn this is my lifelong best friend Josh." They shake hands.

The night goes on for a bit longer.

My brothers stand from their chairs. Dylan is the first to approach me.

"Hey sis." He says hugging me as he messes up my hair and kisses my temple. Garrett does the same.

Then I hear Mason and look up to see him running over to me, I kneel down and catch him in my arms then stand with him on my hip.

"SISSY!!! CAN I STAY WITH YOU TONIGHT?!" He asks while somewhat jumping in my arms.

"Sure, buddy, but again you have to ask mum and dad." I poke his nose then let him down.

"Okay SISSY!" I ruffle his hair right before he runs off to our parents.  

Mason then runs back up to me jumping into my arms.

"SISSY! MOMMY SAID YES!!!" He hugs me close.

"Hey, buddy look over my shoulder." He does and his eyes grow wide.

"You're Shawn Mendes!!" He gets over excited.

"Why yes I am! Hi!" Shawn does a little wave and Mason automatically does his grabby hands.

"He wants you Shawn." Shawn reaches out for Mason with a smile on his face and immediately goes over to Shawn who starts to play around with him.

"Hi buddy! How are you?" He tickles his stomach as Mason laughs.

"Good! Sissy can we keep him?" Me and Shawn laugh.

"Sure buddy, but that's up to him?" I look over at Shawn.

"Why would I ever say no to you little guy!" He says tickling him again and he laughs.

"Can I call you big brother shawn?" He asks hugging him.

"Sure buddy! I'd love that!" Shawn says hugging him back. Then he lets him go and Mason runs off to play with Tydus (Mini Jake Paul) and Elle.

Then I see Dylan pat Shawn on the shoulders.

"Hey, bud can me and Garrett have a word with you?" Shawn looks at them as they both have a arm sling around him.

"Sure?" Shawn happily states.

I roll my eyes as Garrett slowly pushes me out of the way.

"AWAY SISTER!!" I giggle at my weird brothers.

"I want him back in one piece!!" I yelled.

"No promises!" Dylan says.

I walk over to Tessa, Jazzy, Bethany, and Erika. They handed me a drink and we just chat girl stuff.

Shawn's POV

Dylan and Garrett lead me over to the house and Dylan pats me on the back.

"Now we won't hurt you..." He trails off and Garrett Finishes wow they do finish eachothers sentences. Y/N said they did that, but I didn't actually think they did.

"But we will if you ever and I mean ever hurt her." He stops and Dylan starts back up.

"We don't wanna go all protective brothers on your ass, but we will if it comes to it. You also better take care of her on tour." Dylan makes a straight face and I gulp.

I wasn't scared of what they were saying because I agreed 100%, but of how they were saying it.

They both burst out laughing.

"Calm down we won't kill you!" Her brothers say while laughing. I chuckle.

"But really please take care of her she's the only princess we have in the family. We protect her with our lives." They both say with a somewhat serious face.

"Oh believe me I will. Everyone on my tour gets a lot of protection with security! I promise." They look at me somewhat shocked.

"Good! We want her to be safe!" They say.

"I also have a little sister that I see as the princess of my family. Just like you guys I'd do anything for her so I understand where you guys are coming from!" We then get drinks and we laugh.

Throughout the night I hear her laugh and look over. She throws her head back while laughing and smiles at something Josh or Jennifer says.

Right now she was talking with Jake, Logan, and their friends.

She look absolutely beautiful!

Ivan and I were talking.

"Excuse me for a moment." I put my drink down on the table and walk over to her. I hug her from behind and she jumps.

"Oh hi!! You scared me!" She smiles looking back at me giggling. I laugh

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you." I chuckle in wrapping my arms from her waist.

I then saw Jake and Logan staring at me.

"Hey man!" Jake says to me.

"Hey! How's it been!" I say.

"It's been great!" Jake says.

I then greet Logan.

"Shawn! My man!" Logan said taking him in a brohug.

"Wait is this the first time you've guys reconnected since Vine?" Y/N asked.

I nodded.

"That's crazy!" Y/N says.

"It seems like just yesterday we were fooling around in a hotel!" Logan says.

"Yeah! Congrats on all your success!" Jake says.

"Thanks man! Yours too!" Shawn says kindly.

A man starts to bring food out.

"Oh god! I'm so full!" Y/N says looking at the food.

"When has that ever stopped you from eating??" Anthony says.

We all laugh.

Shawn and I sit down at a table and Mason automatically runs to us.

"Big brother Shawn! Can I sit with you!!" Mason asked jumping up and down with pleading eyes.

We both laugh.

"Of course Mason! You don't have to ask!" Shawn said picking Mason up and sitting him in the chair next to him.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter, love, and great memories.

Shawn got to reconnect with old vine friends, meet my friends.

Shawn got close with my family!

Everything was perfect!