#Its part of a sleeve ive for a bunch of other stuff

[ssaseaprince]

I have a tattoo of Mads as Hannibal, and we accidentally gave him eyebrows. I think it's hysterical idc

[blackheart-6]

noelle holiday age progression chart

without height lines

explanations of designs:

hi yall

so, i actually finished this drawing like a week ago lol. but i didnt want to post a bunch of drawing in a row, and then i got sick, so i havent been able to post it till now!

its my imaginings of what noelle looked like as she grew up, and a potential adult noelle design! ill explain my thought processes about these designs below, if anyones interested 😁

i also plan on doing one of these with dess, but this one was pretty difficult, so it might be awhile before that (unless yalls are interested in seeing it?)

first off, im not 100% sure ill keep using all these designs. some of them im not that happy with (im no good at designing outfits 😔) but i just went with them so i could finish the drawing. so if anyone has any alternative outfit ideas for any of her ages, id be interested in seeing/hearing it!

secondly, something that may stick out to yall for all the designs is how tall she gets. its the same height i normally draw her with, but given how i usually draw her by herself you cant really tell how tall she is! i have 3 main reasons for why i headcanon her as this tall: deer are pretty tall irl, so having her be tall makes sense in my head; i just like the look of her being super tall, it makes me happy lol; and third, i personally also headcanon the holiday family as boss monsters (i think ive explained this headcanon before on here, so i wont explain again, unless someone is interested ^^). so yeah, she ends up being 7 feet tall as an adult, the second tallest in her family!

also, i gave all her children forms stripes in some way, as a reference to when monster kid in undertale says they can tell frisk is a kid because of their stripes!

now onto my explainations for individual drawings!

theres nothing really to say about her baby design. the only thing i did that might be new is give her faun spots! they are most plentiful on her baby form, but they persist until shes in her teens, i would say (on here you cant see them after age 7, but thats just because i imagine they are mostly on her back). and i gave her a cute lil onsie that says a-deer-able! if you guys cant read it ^^

this outfit i made for her toddler design is actually an outfit ive used in the past! i wonder if yall know what drawing it was? its pretty much the same as it was there, i just added a stripe to the shirt. i felt like overalls are so reminiscent of childhood, i had to give at least one of her designs them! i also added a little mistletoe to the front pocket, to make it more christmas-esque. and i gave her some bandaids, just cause.

7 years old is one of the designs i really struggled on, and im still not happy with it. i dunno if ive said this yet, but i headcanon noelle to be trans, so at 7 is when i decided she started realizing it. so here i gave her long sleeves and pants, to show how shes more hidden now because shes unhappy with herself, if that makes any sense? i was also trying to make her look a bit like a nerd, with the button up and khakis, just because its funny. but yeah, ill probably end up changing this design at some point :P

11 years old was one of the easiest to do, considering how ive had her design for this age for awhile lol. one thing i did change was going from 2 red/white stripes to one, but ive done that before, so it wasnt something entirely new. i also gave her a smile and closed eyes, cause shes happy being a girl 🥰. other that that, its the same, so yeah, thats it for this part

okay, this next design is a fairly different looking one than all the rest, but i have my reasons! at this point in noelles live, dess has gone missing, so i wanted to show her being sad and stuff. i also gave her shoes and long sleeves because she probably goes out looking for dess when she can, hoping to find a lead 😭. but outside of in-story stuff, this outfit is based off of an old one i drew, but its fairly edited, so i wouldnt be surprised if no one recognizes it even if they have seen my old stuff. she has straight hair here, to show how unhappy she is (idk what it is about straight hair it just feels sad) and because i wanted to give her different hair varieties on this progression chart. i gave her antlers 2 prongs each at this point, because the way i see deer monsters, their antlers show their growth/aging, so youll see them getting bigger and having more prongs as the chart continues.

this outfit for 15 is another one i dont like. i tried to make it similar to her current outfit, but still pretty different. im not even sure what precisely i dont like about this outfit, it just doesnt feel that good. for this one i gave her leg warmers because i used to (and sometimes still do) draw her normal outfit with them. i gave her the curly hair she has as a callback to when i used to draw her hair like that! but yeah, ill probably end up redoing this one too

for 17, i just gave her the normal outfit, so it was easy ^^. in game i think shes 16, but close to turning 17, so i just went with 17 here to fit the +2 age pattern thing i had going on. i also gave her an extra horn prong than i normally give her, just to show age once again

finally, her adult design! i dont like this one either lol. i spent so long trying to think of what outfit to give her, but i couldnt come up with something i liked >.< so i just gave her something simple. i feel like once noelle graduates high school and probably goes to college she branches out more and tries things her mother never let her do, which is why i gave her an outfit like that, that has a crop top and a shorter skirt. also, yalls might recognize the hair style i gave her, i drew a potential adult noelle before and i gave her the same hair ^^

i think thats all for the post! i probably have more thoughts that im just not thinking of, but its fine for now. i hope yall enjoyed the drawing, and if you have any question or comments or whatever, go ahead and say them!! if youve made it this far, have a cookie, you must be hungry after reading so much ^^ 🍪

[niskoo]

Memories kept in the pink hoodie

pairing: Ex! Heeseung x reader

genre: angst, fluff in the end ig, breakup! AU

warnings: swearing, uhhh they like break down together

word count: 2.2k words OMG

a/n: another one of my requests!! thank you all for the ideas its really helping!! mmm this one was very interesting to write because i usually write crack/fluff, aaannndd ive literally never done anything ive written IURHWIU thank you for the great idea anon <33 THIS HELPED SO MUCH OMG USUALLY MY ANGST SUCKS BUT IM PRETTY PROUD OF THIS AAAA ALSO IM SORRY IF THIS WASNT REALLY WHAT YOU WANTED IDK THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE FLUFF IN MY IMAGINES IG 😓😭

feel free to request and help get rid of my writers block!!

a bit based off of 'try again' by jaehyun and d.ear

You should've known the consequences of dating an idol, you should've been careful. Of course they wouldn't let you be together, he's in one of the rising groups, heck, he was in one of the biggest companies.

It wasn't necessarily the company's fault you were so heartbroken, it's both your faults. You couldn't help but blame each other for how careless you were. You know better than to make things worse, and yet you did.

The evening you go back to his dorm after being confronted by the company, you two started a huge argument of who's fault it was. Either it was his fault for not taking caution during work, or your fault for always checking up on him. All loving actions in the past became reasons for why you should break up, thus cracking your relationship further.

When you went home that night, with your backpack full of your things, you did nothing. You didn't cry, you didn't rage, you simply thought that this was the end, you felt guilty that it had to end like this, instead of just working it out and breaking it off peacefully.

Your heart was left cracked and hurt for sure, but this time, you blame yourself. You shouldn't have met him, you shouldn't have got to know him, it's all your fault. And for the first time that night, you cry.

Your heart clenched at every thought of having to leave Heeseung, more tears falling at the fact that he's not gonna be a part of your life anymore. He's gone, and it's all your fault.

It's when you unpack your things when you realize you still have a bunch of things left at his place, you realize you never want to go back and face him.

You leave your stuff there for the next 2 days, your heart still unready to confront and be reminded of the fact that Heeseung is gone. Unfortunately, he has other plans.

Your phone lights up, and the last name you want to see is lighting the phone up.

'Hey... you left some of your stuff.'

You instantly turn your phone off, breaths picking up as you quickly look away from it and finish your lunch. You can feel the anxiety filling your body as you notice it light up once again, and it swarms in your chest even more when your mother winces at the next text.

You put down your spoon, quickly glancing at the text.

'If you want, you can come by and pick them up? I'll pack them for you...'

Your heart clenches yet once again, you know it's true, literally half your stuff is still there and you have to pick them up. You unlock your phone, quickly sending an 'okay' before completely shutting your phone down. You wouldn't stand a second more looking at his contact.

You decide to go at 11, because that's when the other members are at the company training. You don't know if Heeseung's gonna be there to give you your things, a part of you hopes he is, another hopes he's not there. But then again, who else would open the door for you?

You stand outside the familiar door nervously, picking on your nails and the lint on the hem of your cardigan. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open, and instead of your ex boyfriend standing there it's the youngest of the group, his eyes wide and puffy lips parted.

As usual, he woke up late. You can't help but chuckle as he picks his shoes up and scurries down the stairs, bidding him a friendly goodbye.

You almost forget about Heeseung, but as you hear shuffling from inside, it all comes back.

You two share awkward glances, the tension slowly building itself back up. Instead of the heated, rage filled tension, this time the tension is guilty, and without each other knowing, yearning.

“T-this way,” Heeseung mutters tightly, eyes glued to the ground as he shuffled quickly to the living room. You follow along just a few seconds later, still processing the fact that this is the end. He could be gone out of your life after this, it’s your last chance to speak.

Your eyes slowly travel up when you stop, the beating of your heart quickening with the slight burning in your eyes. Lo and behold, there your things laid, ready for you to bring back home. You can’t help but notice how it’s packed completely how Heeseung would pack, neat and with care. It’s not too stuffed, it’s in the perfect place.

Biting at the dead skin of your lip, you trudge towards the duffle bag—his duffle bag—and kneel down to grab the handle. The moment you pick it up, you notice how the bag isn’t fully zipped, and a certain pink sleeve peaks out from the tiny space.

All too familiar, the pink sleeve was. It was the one he took from Daniel in I-land. He knew you loved it, for you loved the kid like your little brother. But, he can’t. It’s his, it’s his favorite, he can’t just give it to his ex.

You instantly place the bag down, the tears starting to well up in frustration and sadness. You zip open the bag and take the pink hoodie out, before shoving it into Heeseung’s chest, “Take it, Heeseung, Please don’t give it to me.”

It takes him a few moments, before Heeseung is shaking his head and handing it back to you. “No, it’s practically yours anyway. And you really like it right? It’s just a-“

“Don’t tell me it’s just a hoodie!”

You both are shocked at your sudden burst, frozen in your spot. Your breathing is heavy, like a weight is holding it down and slowing your breathing. There are tears keeping your cheek moist, warm, they stream down continuously, the sensation as if there was fire dripping from your eyes and burning your skin.

Heeseung’s just on the verge of crying himself, the grip on the pink hoodie deathly, he feels the material ripping against his skin. How did it come to this? When did it even happen? It all feels surreal, to think what you two had could fall apart.

All the happy moments in your relationship fading to memories, the hoodie representing the fact itself is true. None of you wanted to take it, afraid it would remind you of the other.

Deep down, you wanted to keep it, keep the memories it held, keep the tears that once soaked it when you vented all your stress to him, keep the scent of Heeseung that lingered on the fabric. You were just too afraid of being reminded that along with the happy memories, came the sad memories of the night you fought and broke it off.

Your grip on the poor hoodie eases, as you slide to the floor helplessly with tears messing your face up. You desperately wanted to hold the pink piece of clothing and keep it forever, and another part of you cursed at you for being too vulnerable.

Your hand quickly wipes away the tears on your cheeks and chin harshly, almost hitting yourself for being so sensitive. Before you could do the action again, a softer grasp is stopping your hand, Heeseung’s other hand reaching up to brush the tears away dearly, blowing your hair away from your face.

Before you could even bring yourself to stop, you’re already reacting to his touch, cowering into his hold and placing your hand over his on your cheek, almost intertwining them together.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his palm, your other hand reaching up to grasp at his t-shirt. You’re sorry for so many reasons, for not being careful, for all the things you said in the argument, for making a sudden commotion just because of a stupid hoodie. “I’m so sorry...”

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright.” Heeseung grabs you into his infamous embrace you would hate to leave, stroking your back with patterns just the way he knew you loved, just the way it would calm you down. “We’ll be alright.”

More tears fall between your eyelashes, dripping and soaking into Heeseung’s shoulder as he himself sniffles quietly into your hair. None of you want to leave each other behind, it’s the painful truth that you both can’t have, the truth you’ve always feared.

A sudden feeling of relief fills you up inside, his words reassure you in a way, we’ll be alright, you’ll be okay, it just had to leave his lips for you to believe it. You crawl closer to Heeseung, squeezing yourself in his bear hug, “We’ll be okay, we can make it right,”

A hoarse and hearty laugh leaves Heeseung, it shakes right by your ear as you press it against his chest, and he nods, “Yeah,”

He gently pulls your head back right in front of his, wiping the last of your tears and tucking the stray hairs back to the back of your ear, “Let’s just talk,” his whisper tickles your nose, causing you to lightly giggle at the feeling, his lips pressing softly against the pink tinted skin, “Make everything better?”

You nod, finally grasping at the pink hoodie and holding it tight to your chest as Heeseung laughs and bonks his forehead right on yours.

For the next few hours, you talk, make up, talk some more, maybe even a small cuddle, but that’s a secret. You make ramen for when the other members come back from practice, you feel happy to see the members thank you and eat with enthusiasm, you feel glad this is how your last moments together last.

Now you have the (practically ripped) pink hoodie in your arms as you bid the boys goodbye, slightly tearing up at the sight of them sadly waving, but you keep it in and continue your way back home, where you would tell your mom how you ended it on good terms.

And that night, you slip on the pink hoodie before you sleep, and you feel a piece of paper poking at your arm. You’re surprised to see a crumpled envelope poking out, your name written messily in blue ink.

You pull the envelope out quickly, opening it out with something bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you notice the handwriting as Heeseung’s.

‘My dear Y/n,

Hello there! I don’t know if i got the guts to make it right with you or if i pussied out and watched you as you drove away with regrets, but that’s what this letter is for. hopefully you didn’t throw this letter away hehe

i just wanted to thank you. for everything. your love, your care, your trust, Your happiness, thank you for everything you’ve given me. im sorry we had to end our journey, but know that you’ll be in my mind everyday. when we practice, I’ll remember your encouraging smile, when we win, I'll remember the fact that it’s you who gave me the courage to start this whole career.

i love you y/n. we’ll both probably find our other person in the future, but you’ll forever be in my heart as my first love, my first heartbreak, my best memory. thank you for helping me through my hardest times, thank you for helping the other boys through their worst times, especially jungwon, he’ll miss you the most.

i guess this is goodbye, y/n. not forever, of course, but for some time. thank you for everything, i hope you enjoyed the times we had together as much as i did.

with all the love in my heart,

Lee Heeseung :)’

You wipe at your tears for the nth time that day, folding the paper back into the envelope. “Fuck you Heeseung, you’ve ruined my makeup again!” You curse under your breath as you slip the letter into a certain box at the corner of your bedside table, patting your cheeks one last time.

You truly cherish the memories you had with Heeseung. You hope he does too.

[littlebitoffanfic]

Trust

Fandom: TMNT Characters: Raph, Donnie, Leo, Mikey Relationship: Raph/reader Request: I love all your TMNT fics. I was wandering if you could maybe write a fic. Raph x reader, Raph and reader get into a fight and she is walking gets into trouble and calls Raph but he doesnt answer and so she calls Donnie. Reader gets hurt bad and Raph shows up and Donnie is working on reader but Leo and Mickey have tears in their eyes. Reader survives but Raph realises he needs her and super fluffy ending.

 Sprinting down the alleys, you tried to find somewhere to stop and hide. anywhere. You could heard your chasers gaining on you again so you took off. There was no point in running into the street. There wasn’t many people about and you knew the foot had no qualms about killing innocent people. You had been attacked, managing to escape by the skin of your teeth. But you could taste the blood in your mouth, you could feel the swelling around your right eye and the scuffs and bruises that now littered your body. Your clothes were ripped in serval places with blood here and there. You needed help. Digging into your pocket, you pulled out your phone. Running while unlocking it, you nearly fell as you turned a corner but kept your balance as you pulled up Raphs number. You felt nothing but fear as you pressed ‘call’. You didn’t care about the argument you had had with him the day before, or even remember him specifically telling you not to come running to him next time you needed help. Of course, he wasn’t referring to this sort of situation. raising the phone to your ear, you listened to it ringing but there was no answer. Sprinting around another corner, you saw a chain fence with some boxes stacked up beside it that you could scale. Behind it was an empty factory you only knew about because April had done a report on the fact it was abandoned due to the previous boss being involved with a mafia like gang. A female voice spoke, stating you were through to a voicemail service and to leave your name and number after the beep. You wasted no time as soon as the shrill beep sounded. “Raph, its me. The foot found me and they are after me. Im at the abandoned factory. Please hurry.” You could hid how your voice was hiccupping out of fear. You had no doubt that he would come, you just needed to hide to buy yourself enough time. Scaling the fence, you might have had a chance. Until something whizzed by your head, missing your skull by millimetres. A throwing star. It caused you to jump and loose your grip. You fell to the other side of the fence on your left side. Pain shot through your arm, hip and thigh as they took the brunt of the fall. You had tired to protect your head but at the risk of your arm. adrenaline wasn’t enough to mask the pain as you let out a cry of pain. But the pain in your thigh felt different. Looking down, fear flooded through you. You had landed on broke glass and some was now in your thigh, penetrating your thin leggings that were now darkened with blood. Thankfully, it wasn’t large shards, or you could have been at risk of slicing and artery, but it didn’t help your chances.   Scrambling to your feet, you felt every part of you ache as you focused on getting to a safe place. The foot followed behind you, a little closer now. You tried to run, but you couldn’t. so you limped into the factory, using the door which had remained unlocked since you and April had broke the lock for her to do some snooping. You remembered that there was a room in the back of one of the upstairs offices which was hidden. The door, when closed, blended into the wallpaper. Racing as quickly as your damaged body would allow. once inside, you went straight to your hiding place which you were thankful for the several bolts on the door. Once you were sealed inside, you took out your phone to try again. You called and called, with no response. You even texted him, saying he needed to pick up the phone. But another 3 missed calls later showed he didn’t have his phone. Or he was ignoring you. “Stubborn brute.” You growled through gritted teeth as you found Donnies number. Of the brothers, he was the most likely to having his phone with him. Or connected to his Bluetooth. It rung three times and was picked up. Donnie had barely said ‘hi’ when you interrupted. “The foot found me. Im in the abandoned factory.” You were trying, your voice cracking as you fought against screaming in pain. You didn’t have to say anything else about your location. You had allowed Donnie to put a tracker on your phone. “Are you hurt?” Donnie asked. The sound of Mikey and Leo asking questions in the back about what was happening. But no Raph. “yeah, pretty badly.” You winces as you looked at your leg. “Im in the back hidden room. Theres too many to fight.” “is there a window?” Donnie kept his cool which you were thankful for. You needed that right now. “Yes.” You look to the small window. “Put the phone in the window. I’ll track it. We’ll get in through the window, get you, and get out?” Donnies voice sounded like he was asking a question, probably directing it towards Leo to make sure it was a plan. Leo agreed. “Hang tight.” “What about Raph?” You heard Mikey ask in the back ground. You could hear the worry in his voice. “We don’t have time to find him. Shes hurt and they will find her.” Leo sounded angry. “We’ll be there in 4 minutes.” Donnie spoke a little louder, obviously trying to mask the argument. “Okay. Hurry.” You whimpered, before the line went dead. The fear of the situation caught up with you as you sat down on the floor next to the window, carful to keep your bleeding thigh up. Pulling your sleeve up carefully, you could see the bruising from your fall starting to form. At least you hadn’t broken your arm or hip. Sobbing, you could hear the foot tearing apart the downstairs. you tried Raph. Again and again and again. Looking back to the door, you could hear they were coming up to the level you were on. You would need to put your phone up on the window ledge in a moment. But you really didn’t think they would make it in time. Pulling up your messenger, you quickly typed. ‘I love you, not matter what happens.’ once sent, you reached up and placed your phone on the ledge, immediately feeling pain course through your arm. Perhaps you had knocked your head in your fall, or you had lost more blood than you thought, because you were feeling the adrenaline wear off. In its place was weakness and sleepiness. ‘don’t fall asleep’ you told yourself again and again as you stared at the door. Banging filled the room. They had found the door you were hiding behind. Crashing filled the room as you felt your arms across your face in defence, fearing the worst? “[y/n]?” Leos voice settled your fear as you looked up. They had came through the window, right over the top of you. “Here.” You called out, your voice weak as you tried to stand but collapsed down. “Hey, hey, don’t move.” Donnie held up his hands. “anything broken?” “No, but ive got glass in by thigh.” You told him the thing that was concerning you the most. “Okay, im going to give you some painkillers okay. And pick you up.” He pulled out some pills and raised them to your mouth. You took them and swallowed, grateful he had thought ahead. Donnie had the stronger stuff doctors used in his lab. more banging told you all that you couldn’t stay here much longer for the painkillers to kick in. Donnie apologised before picking you up. Pain spread through your body like fire as you fought to keep from screaming. Everything hurt and you closed your eyes as you gritted your teeth. “You’re doing well.” Mikey’s words of encouragement didn’t fall of deaf ears as the cool wind hit your face. Opening your eyes, you saw that Donnie was using a grappling hook to attach himself to the building and scale down from the window. Leo and Mikey raced down, making sure the coast was clear. They couldn’t exactly race from the top of buildings with you now. “My phone.” You suddenly remembered. If you had left it, they might be able to trace the others. “Mikeys got it. Don’t worry. You’re safe now.” Leos voice calmed you greatly, but it wasn’t what you needed. You wanted to hear Raph calming you, his words of encouragement. But he wasn’t here. They took you a few blocks from the factory before dropping into the manhole which would lead back to their home. “Wheres Raph?” You asked, trying to distract yourself from the pain. “He went out, not long after you guy had…” Donnie trailed off, obviously not wanting to finish his sentence or bring up the fight. “We thought he had went to find you.” you shook your head. That had been 3 hours ago. You had went home for 2 hours then went for a walk to clear your head. He must be on some roof top, brooding. “I tried to call him. A bunch of time. He didn’t answer.” You shook your head. “I think he left his phone in his room. I heard it going from my lab. I thought he had just left an alarm on or something.” Donnie looked down, feeling guilty even though it wasn’t his fault. You felt your trust in Raph dwindling. He had promised to keep his phone on him at all times in case you needed him, and vice vera. Donnie reminded silent as the three turtles slow to a walk as they made their way into the lair. The silence told you Raph wasn’t here. Donnie took you straight to the lab, placing you on the table which was thankfully clear. you heard Donnie telling his brothers what to get. He used a needle to inject you with some more painkiller while grabbing some scissors to cut some of your legging. “What else hurts?” leo asked you, his eyes scanning your body for any more signs. You told him about your arm and hip, then your bruises and scraps and how you got glass in your leg. “I think we need to remove the glass first. I don’t think you need stitches, but we need to clean the wound.” Donnie said and Leo agreed. “The only thing is it will take time for the pain relief-“ “Screw the pain relief. Its fine. Just get the glass out.” You told Donnie, earning a worried look from Mikey, but everyone knew. You only had a little time, and without the strongest anaesthetic or pain relief or blood transfusions, you needed to get fixed now. Leo disappeared for a moment and came back with a leather strap for you to bite on. But it didn’t help. Screaming, Mikey was then assigned to hold you down. He apologised the entire time as Donnie pulled each shard from your leg. You didn’t think there was that much, but it felt like he pulled out glass after glass after glass. You screamed the entire time. “[y/n]!?” A voice called through the lair and everyone seemed to freeze. Donnie looked up at Leo, unsure of what to do. Leo seemed to have a plan as he walked up to the door as Raph came racing in. you could see the fear in his eyes when they found you on the table. but Leo was in front of Raph in a heartbeat. “Move!” Raph growled at Leo, but he didn’t. “She doesn’t need this right now.” Leo spoke in a calm voice, but you heard some venom behind it. “I was away for a few hours. Why didn’t you protect her?!” Raph pushed Leo back. “Perhaps we could have. If she hadn’t put so much faith that you would.” Leo didn’t fight back, didn’t raise his voice, but his words cut through Raph. They were angry at each other, but Leo was right. You didn’t need this. You didn’t need them fighting and Mikey and Donnie so on edge that they cant help you. Leo had more medical knowledge that Raph, and Raph didn’t know what had happened so far or the full extend of your injuries. So you said something you never thought you would ever have to say to Raph. “Raph, can you just leave? Please?” Your voice held no venom, no angry or aggression but it caused Raph to freeze. He didn’t look at you, or he couldn’t, you didn’t know. he looked at Mikey, who was shaking quite badly and on the verge of crying. Then to Donnie, was had your blood on him, then to Leo. All the colour seemed to drain from his face. And he left. When Leo turned back towards you, you saw he had tears in his eyes. And you understood. They were scared. You closed your eyes, tears streaming down your cheek as you tried to regulate your breathing. “[y/n]? we have to continue.” Donnie said, placing his hand on your shin to offer some “Okay, okay.” You nod, putting the strap back in your mouth as Mikey braced himself.

---------------------------time skip ----------------

An hour or so later, and you had passed out. When you awoke, you were in the bedroom which you use to sleep in when you stayed at the lair before you and Raph had been together. Donnie came in to check on you when you woke up. He told you that you had been asleep for 12 hours, and they were starting to get really worried. Donnie had to put about 4 stitches in 2 of the wounds but he said the rest just needed paper stitches, which you were grateful for. You had thankfully just bruises your arm and the rest of your injuries were easy to see to. “Thank you.” You smiled, grateful for Donnies vast knowledge. “You’re my sister. Theres nothing to thank.” Donnie shook his head, just happy you were still alive. “Could, could you see if Raphs about? Ask if he can come in?” You ask, hesitating a little. You didn’t like sending the brothers as messengers between each other, but Donnie nodded and left. A few minutes later, there was a quiet knock at the door. “Come in.” You called, unable to quiet your own racing heart. You didn’t want to be fighting with Raph, and you didn’t want him to blame himself for this. Raph came in like a kicked puppy. He walked across the room and sat on the sofa that was by your bed. “Leo said to give you this.” He held out something to you. Your phone. “Oh, thanks.” You smile, taking it and placing it on the bedside. “i-I eh, I didn’t have mine on me. When you had tried…” Raph trailed off, unable to even look at you as he struggled to find the words. “yeah.” You nod, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry.” He breathed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” “I know, I know.” You say in a soothing voice. “[y/n], you could have died!” Raph snapped a little, but not at you directly. “I know, but I didn’t.” You shrug. “Donnie thought you’d shattered your bones.” Raph shook his head, unable to understand why you sounded so care free. “But I didn’t.” You point out again. “We thought you weren’t going to wake.” Raph looks up at you, bewildered. “But I did.” You raise your eyebrows at him. Raphs gaze was one of utter confusion, and it breaks your serious facade. You couldn’t help the grin that pulls at your lips or the chuckle that leaves your throat. But it seemed it was what the room needed, as Raph ended up having a smile pull at his lips. It cleared the room of the tension and the awkwardness. However, Raph did stop smiling as he thought. “you texted me saying you loved me. After you’d phone Donnie. Why?” He asks, his eyes darting to your phone and back. He had read your messages, seen how you had tried to call him and probably listened to your voicemail. “Because I wanted you to know that. I knew when you found out what was happening that you might blame yourself. But I know you wouldn’t put me in danger on purpose or not help me to be malicious. I just wanted you to know that I held nothing against you if the worst happened.” You explained to him, unable to stop tears from forming in your eyes and cascading down your cheeks. Raph nodded looking away from you as you saw tears pooling in his own eyes. You had never, ever seen Raph cry. “I love you. You know that, right?” He asks you. He looked… concerned. “Yeah, of course.” you nod, unsure why he would ask such a question. “do, do you still trust me?” He asked, seemed terrified of the answer and you suddenly understood. trust was so important in your relationship. You didn’t mean trust as in infidelity. It was the sort of trust that allowed you to fall and know he’d catch you. The type that told you he was always close when you needed him. The trust in his vow to keep you safe. You paused, trying to think of your answer. While you didn’t hold any grudge against him for your injuries, you couldn’t say if he would be the first person you called if something happened again. “I want to say yes, but it wouldn’t be entirely true.” You finally say. You didn’t want to lie to him and part of him probably knew the answer already. Raph takes a deep, shaking breath before nodding. “but I want to.” You add, offering him a lifeline. Raphs head snapped to your own, as if to make sure you had actually spoken and it wasn’t his imagination. “Really?” He breathes, hope in his eyes. You nod with a smile, confirming what you had just said. “I’ll do anything, anything you want.” He vows to you, moving from the sofa to kneel beside you. You smile and take his head, giving it a little squeeze but you felt a small pain niggling in your leg. “Could you ask Donnie for some more pain killers?” You ask, wanting to stop it before eit starts. “yes, of course.” Raph jumps up, ready to run to Donnie but you didn’t let go of his hand. “But first, you could start with a kiss.” You smile sweetly. Raph all but melts as he leans down and gently presses a soft kiss to your lips. He was highly aware of all your injuries, but couldn’t deny you such a request. you were about to reach up and touch his cheek, but you felt a sharp, shooting pain in your right shoulder. Raph quickly moves away, afraid hes hurt you but you just smile as you let go of his hand to rub  your shoulder. “Right, pain meds.” He nods, his new task in the forefront of his mind. “I’ll be right back.” He rushes off to find Donnie. You couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t much, but it was a start to regaining that trust.

[redandfranticfeelings]

okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique. 

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[radramblog]

Tier list of tier list (groups)

When one starts to run out of time and ideas, things tend to get a little weird. They get awkward. Add in certain individuals egging you on, and this is how you get one of my sillier ideas.

Essentially, when you boot up Tiermaker, there’s a bunch of default categories staring you in the face. The trending tab of a shite website, basically. And im here to judge the populous for their poor life choices. And the fact that its very clearly U.S.-biased.

Time to roll up my sleeves, get my hipster cred in order, and get to work.

Now, unfortunately, such a tierlist does not properly exist, and I lack the time and interest to actually create one, so this is more of an arbitrary ranking. If you just bring up the main page, it’ll be obvious the fuckery I’m working with. We will be lacking a visual aid if you do not, I’m afraid.

Probably the hardest part of this is picking my bottom pick. Of the 9 categories available here, there are more than a few stinkers. However, I think I’m going to have to give it to NFL, or National Football League for the non-seppos in the room. Not only is it just kind of a shitty sport, being basically rugby/gridiron without the teeth, easily the most boring game of ball I’ve ever seen (and ive watched Cricket before), but it’s also completely redundant on this list, as we’ll see. So it’s a combination of pointlessness and shiteness, one we’ll see a full two more times on this list.

Speaking of, eighth place goes to the Genshin Impact spot. Now, I haven’t played this game, and I don’t know that much about it. What I do know is that it is gacha trash with a bajillion waifus with some of the horniest art this side of Fate- and I don’t have that huge a problem with horny in general but it’s in the uncomfortable anime horny where it’s questionably ethical and might actually be pedophilia. But apparently the game is pretty okay, and I suppose it’s kinda gotten beyond the “just a fad” stage at this point, so I guess that makes it better than NFL.

Our final redundant pick and therefore number 7 on this list by default is the NBA. That two American sports- actually, not just sports, specific sports leagues, get their own spots on this frontpage is frankly depressing. Y’all can do better. This in and of itself is evidence of the USA’s oversaturation in the culture of the English-speaking world, let alone the internet. It’s just frustrating the way they’re overrepresented compared to the comparable population of, well, everywhere else. I guess they do have the most people of any anglophonic nation, but it’s a frustrating thing to see. Where’s my New Zealand rep coming from?

…where was I. NBA? Eh it’s fine I guess, can’t wait for Space Jam 2.

At number 6 we have Sports in general. Look, it aint for me, and I assume this is the cluster that houses all the other American sports as well. NBL, NASCAR, NHL, ETC. Maybe if we didn’t have all those issues with representation I’d be more into this category, but I don’t see any AFL lists reaching the frontpage, so.

Actually, without the USA stuff holding the line, it’d all just be fucking soccer, wouldn’t it. I can’t escape that fucking sport. Fine, it can stay.

Next, perfectly at the centre of this list, we have the kinda not really a category, which is to say, the top of the page, “tiermaker user videos” section. Largely because I don’t know how these work- do people submit them to the site, or does the site farm Youtube for videos with their content and upload it? The former is a little cringy, the latter is probably an issue. Either way, I used to not really respect this kind of content, until I started, uh, writing them myself, and at the end of the day it’s basically just what I’m doing here but with video and audio and editing and shit. They’re probably putting more effort in here than I am, huh.

I’m going to go ahead and put the spicy take here with Video Games. Don’t get me wrong, ya boi loves a good video game, I cannot fucking stop writing about them as frequent readers of this blog will be aware. But every time I boot up this site I have to see the number 3 Featured Video Games entry,  fucking Freddy Fazbear’s face staring back at me. Also number one on there being Danganronpa reminds me of that franchise being very much a guilty pleasure of mine, and one that has gotten popular and thereby cringy enough for me to cringe a little every time I see it.

Speaking of things I’ve written too much about, uhh, food I guess. I wouldn’t be fair of me to put the Food/Drink category any lower considering I have abused it for content at least a couple times. And ya boi does enjoy a food or drink or two. I don’t think that’s a controversial opinion to have, or rather, it probably shouldn’t be. I think we’re all on the side of food good, aside from the anorexics in the room. Shoutout to y’all, you have it rough.

Our second to last and final categories are frankly interchangeable. Music, or Movies/TV. Audio versus Video. Spotify versus Netflix. The Beatles versus The Beatles (the animated series). I dunno, at this point I’ve run out of things to say, shit to type. We’re sitting at 950 words as of the word as in this sentence, and there is a very distracting member of one of these categories playing approximately 3 metres to my right. Which I suppose makes that one win in the end. Whichever one of those it is, you decide.

And on that bombshell, bye.

[fluffytoast101]

Fresh start

Malva and Vera stood outside of their new highschool. Malva checked their papers once again to make sure they were at the right school. "Campbell.. School campbell. Yup, we are at the right place." Malva said while looking from the paper to the school. "School campbell. Thats probrably the shittiest name ive ever heard." Vera stated. "Welp... even tho you're right, lets just go in."�� 

They walked in to the school. The walls were lined with red lockers. A few people were scatterd in the hall. "Well. Looks decent enough." Malva stated while looking around at the people. "I dont really know what we are supposed to do so you lead the way." Vera gestured to Malva. Malva did finger guns and got some in return. "Then we should head to the principals office to get papers about our classes and lockers and stuff like that" Malva shrugged while started wandering in the halls. Ofcourse they didnt know their way around the school so they quickly got lost even tho they were reading the signs scatterd around here and there. "this sucks" Vera complained while they walked in the main hall for like the 3rd time. But then a small group of three people caught their eye. "Lets go and ask them!" Malva exclaimed and slightly pointed to the group. Vera shrugged while they walked up to them.

"Excuse me?" Malva asked kindly as they got to the group. The group looked at them. The shorter one with darker skin looked annoyed, the one with teal hair who were a little taller then the annoyed one looked excited and the taller one with glasses looked confused. Malva felt her confident drop by a huge amount wich Vera semmed to notice."We were wondering were the principal office thing is. We are new and need the shit were supposed to pick up" Vera said with a bored expression. "Oh just walk down the hall and turn left. It isnt labled so it can be hard to miss."  the taller one said and pointed down the hall. "shit... i swear we looked there.." Malva mumbled under her breath. "Okay thanks! We will be on our way!" She said and started walking away Vera quickly following after. The group looked at the two new girls as they dissapered in the hall. "They seem n-" The teal haired girl got interuppted by the bell ringing. The group shrugged and headed to their home room.

Vera and Malva looked at each other with a confuzzled look. They had knocked on the door atleast 10 times now. Malva slightly opend the door "H-hello?" She said quite loudly. She saw a man with grey hair and a moustach holding a bunch of money... seemed like he was counting it. Vera also looked in and they both turned even more confused. They enterd and closed the door behind them making the man slightly jump. He looked at the two girls standing in front of his desk and quickly stuffed his money in a drawer.

"Why hello their... ladies?" The principal, they assumed, said as a question. "Or are you both boys and one of you is just very gay?" He then said reffering to Malvas outfit and their short hairstyles. "No. Last time we checked we were girls," Vera scoffed out and rolled her eyes. "Uh we are new.. we are here to pick up some stuff.." Malva said and fiddeling with her sleeves. "Ah yes." He started before he yelled. "DAVID! WE GOT NEW STUDENTS. COULD YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM IM BUSY!" A tall red haired man quickly walked in from another door in the room. "Yes, sir, yes!" David, they assumed, said like he was in some sort of boot camp. The principal went back to counting his money. "Hello their ladys!" David said and fiddled with some papers he was holding in his hands. "You must be.. Vera and Malva?" He grinned at them, an annoying grin that is. He got a "Yup" and "Yes" in return. He started rambeling on about the rules in the school and how happy he was to be vice principal while giving them their papers. It was annoying how happy he was while talking, the grin never went away from his face. "Alright! You guys are lucky. You have the same home room with the best teacher in the school!" David said when he was done rambeling. The girls nodded and walked out of the office. They found their lockers and put in their bags ect.

They stood outside their home room and hesitated before entering. The whole class went quiet and the techer let out a small groan. "Alright kids.. we got two new students today." The teacher said with an tired look. "You can interduce yourselves i assume." "Alright." Malva said while Vera shrugged. They walked up to the front of the class room. "Well my name is Malva.. And i draw.. Pretty much all i do." Malva shrugged and looked at Vera. "Im vera and i dont do much. Draw from time to time. " "Alright there are some empty seats around the room.. Or there are two empty seats wich actually is perfect." The techer said and went back to talking to the class. Malva and Vera gave eachother finger guns and a wink before walking to their different seats. Malva made her way to the middle of the classroom too the right. She took a seat next to the taller boys from earlier. "Hi again." She said while she sat down. The boy slightly jumped from the surprise and looked at the girl next to him. "Oh hi." He said. "Hey i never got your name." Malva questioned with a smile." My name is Neil" Neil reached out her hand for her to shake. She gladly took it and shook his hand. "Yours?" Neil asked until he relized that she interduced herself at the front of the class. she quietly giggled. "Oh- sorry that was emberassing- shit." Neil said scratching the back of his neck turning slightly red. "Hey its fine." Malva answerd and turned her attention to the teacher again.

Vera watched her friend from the back of the classroom and smirked. She sat next to the short darker skinned kid from earlier and the teal haired girl sat infront of them talking with the kid with blue beanie. Vera slightly glanced at the boy next to her and caught him looking at her. "You like what you see?~" Vera jokingly said while the boy sighed. "My name is Max if you were fucking wondering." Max rested his head on his hand looking at the teacher while she rambled on about something about the cafeteria and its food. "Thats good to know" Vera said and turned to the front of the class aswell.

The end of like chapter one idk i might do more parts bcs it would be weird to end just like this and i have ideas

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (107/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Six

It wasn’t until it was almost summer that Tony actually had to speak out in Barnes’ defense. Pepper was the one to make the call on the timing and Tony agreed that it was the right time. It was mostly to do with how the public viewed Barnes and Ross. Since clearing the air in Wakanda, Tony had started to take more interest in the man that was Steve’s best friend. He’d gone as far as to offer Barnes a new arm even if the process would entail Tony returning to Wakanda to make it happen. Barnes hadn’t seemed too interested and Tony realized fairly quickly that it was because for the time being he preferred not having the arm and either way Shuri assured him she had something in the works for him.

Speaking to Barnes had made things a little easier for Tony. He didn’t blame the man anymore and he didn’t dream about him or Siberia all the time not that it stopped Tony from having nightmares all together about his mom dying but they weren’t about Barnes. Not really. Some things were never going to stop and for Tony there would always be nightmares.

In the end, Tony’s statements about how much he didn’t blame Barnes and how he didn’t personally hold Barnes accountable for the deaths of his parents had the effect of making people aware of how much Hydra had had to do with everything The Winter Soldier had done. But it wasn’t just Tony’s word but all the proof they had to show what Hydra had been up to.

It didn’t stop Ross from continuing to try to get his way and make it near impossible for Barnes to ever get out of hiding without being arrested if he did. But the arrest would only lead to a trial and Tony was confident that it was a trial that Barnes would win. Ross seemed to have figured that out too, because he wasn’t as pushy with the stuff about Barnes which just made Tony worry and he’d have something else up his sleeve. Either way, with Barnes not planning on leaving Wakanda any time soon the whole matter was put the rest and Tony had his lawyers ready for when anything changed. He was hopeful that his name would be cleared when the time came.

Tony had a million other things going on too like the planning of a wedding. The thing of it was that flashy wasn’t what they wanted or needed. In all actuality, the whole marriage thing was a bit unnecessary in and of itself. Still, they wanted to have it happen and make it official.

It was Peter that seemed to want to make a big deal out of it which Tony thought was him trying to really make it clear how okay he was with him getting married which was sweet. Ever since they’d had that discussion over apple crostini, Tony had realized that he really needed to make sure Peter never felt left out of any of it. It helped that Steve adored Peter and loved his input and probably welcomed Peter in more than even Tony did.. If it was up to Steve, he probably would just let Peter have his way with all of it.

“But you have to have a big wedding,” Peter said one morning. “Just think about all the good it will do to all the gay teens out there who look up to you. You’re Iron Man and Captain America. You’re both public figures.”

Rhodey thought the whole thing was hilarious, but somehow Peter got him on his side. Mostly, Tony suspected that Rhodey just wanted to watch him suffer.

“No one even knows we’re together, Pete,” Tony had tried to argue one afternoon while Peter did some maintenance on K-9.

“But they should. I don’t really get why you’re keeping it a secret in the first place. You’re not going to hide it forever. It’s like -- I know I have a secret identity, but one day everyone’s going to know who I am. And they’re also going to know that I’m your son. I’m not ashamed of being Spider-Man or the son of Tony Stark even if it’s easier to keep that quiet at the moment. ”

It took a few weeks of convincing and since Peter was eventually out of school for the summer he had plenty of time to harp on the subject which was a bit amusing mostly because he even had Karen and Friday piping in on how much they needed to make a big deal about the wedding. In the end, Tony figured that Peter was right. Secrets weren’t a good thing and as horrible as the media coverage could get, Peter was right in saying that they might help young LGBTQ kids and teens and adults too probably by being open about it. That was what finally truly convinced Tony -- but also, it was sort of nice to share with the world that he and and Steve were going to be husbands.

But then, another reason reared its head when Tony got a call from Ross. The calls had stopped a while back, but Friday still put Ross on hold for a while before Tony picked up.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize there was a call,” Tony said. “What can I do for you?”

“Stark, you’ve done an amazing job at stonewalling me time and time again.”

“Getting the right information to the people is stonewalling you? Getting our heroes back and under house arrest as punishment for their actions? General, I have followed every letter of the law and every clause within the amended Sokovia Accords. So unless you want something, I don’t understand the nature of this phone call. I’m a very busy man.”

Which was when Ross said the last thing that Tony expected him to say: “I know you have a son. Swings around New York City as Spider-Man, right? I bet the people would love to know about him -- after all, everyone seems to be wondering who he is.”

Tony went cold. It didn’t seem like Ross actually knew who was under the Spider-Man suit, but he knew that it was Tony’s son. He knew that Tony had a son at all.

“Ah, I see I found something to keep you quiet,” Ross chuckled.

The question was how did he know?

“Did you know that The Accords and who signed them are public. Even if they weren’t I would have been able to take a look and Spider-Man is a minor who needed a mentor of sorts to take responsibility for him. And you did that for him which was enough to make me interested.”

It still begged the question how he had figured it out and how he wasn’t mentioning Peter which worried him. Did he know it was Peter or not? Peter had signed as Spider-Man not as Peter Parker so maybe--

“Everyone’s been speculating,” Ross said, “I may as well give them some sort of answer. Tony Stark allowing a teenager to run around as a hero -- that would make the front pages.”

But not if Tony had a bigger story to sell.

---

The pictures were taken in the tower because of the house arrest and they were absolutely ridiculous. Steve didn’t know how Tony had managed to convince him to pose that way. They were both on chairs and Tony’s was balancing on two legs. Steve’s leg was resting on Tony’s shoulder and Tony was actually holding on to it. Steve actually couldn’t believe that they hadn’t fallen while taking the picture. There had been a bunch of other ridiculous poses made that day and it was lucky that not all of the pictures were used in the article. Only a few of them were of a serious nature. The one where Tony had just kissed his cheek, or the one where they had gotten a bit caught up in staring at each other and the photographer had just taken a few shots of them. There were also individual ones. Vanity Fair was running a whole issue mostly devoted to them, it was kind of insane.

The interview had been almost nice though, mostly because he’d gotten to talk about Tony a bit and because it was the first time that Steve was getting to really be public about The Accords and the house arrest. He’d even gotten to mention Bucky for a bit of it.

The one area where Steve had been surprised was when Tony decided to disclose that he had a son. Peter wasn’t mentioned by name, but he casually mentioned that his son and Steve got along really well. Steve had been sitting next to him when the topic came up and he had frozen in place out of surprise until Tony reached for his hand and griped it before he said:

“I know it’s a bit of a surprise to everyone to learn that I have a son, but since we’re announcing this other important life event I figured everyone should know that I am a very proud father to a teenager. He hasn’t always been in my life, but he’s made a difference in it in the time he has been. I am unwilling to talk about who he is for privacy concerns, but I guess it was time to be a little more open with the world.”

When the final version of the whole article and pictures arrived for their approval, Steve was a little floored by how good they both looked. How happy, too. The main picture was the chair one but it was followed by a picture of Tony fixing a strand of Steve’s hair and Steve looking down at him. Steve wanted that picture framed. Vanity Fair didn’t go out of their way to highlight the mention of Tony having a son, but everyone knew that the media was going to pick up on it and run with it.

Steve skimmed the article and it really was perfect. The writer captured them and really weaved in the narrative of their story from how they labeled their sexualities to how their relationship had come about to why they had decided to come forward with the truth. It was actually kind of nice and Steve didn’t regret doing it.

--

“Tony Stark is dating Captain America?”

“Wait — they’re engaged.”

“Did you hear?”

“I didn’t know that HE was Gay? Did you?”

“This is nuts.”

“Wait, and is it true that Tony Stark has a son?”

“Do you think they’ve been together this entire time?”

“But didn’t Stark date his assistant for forever? I thought they were still together.”

“They’re getting married, though.”

“I wonder how long they’ve been together…”

The questions and comments were endless and Peter was sort of amused every time he heard something. He tried to stay away from actually discussing anything with anyone unlike Ned who was absolutely keen on getting his two cents in, but then Peter had expected that from Ned. Ned was also trying to get Peter to talk to him about how he felt about Tony mentioning that he had a son. Peter didn’t want to discuss it.

The timing of the article was perfect, though, because it came out just a day before the last day of school and Peter knew he wouldn’t get a chance to actually get tired of hearing about the article. It wasn’t just that everyone was talking about it, either, but that some of them just went up to Peter to ask him about it since he had the Stark Internship and everyone wanted to know if he’d known beforehand and if he’d met Steve. In one case someone asked if Peter had met Tony’s son. Peter tended to just give those people a shrug and a, “I’m just an intern.”

Ned’s reaction had still been the best after he’d had a chance to process the whole thing. “This -- this means that freaking Captain America is going to be your step-father.”

“Yup, Ned. That’s how that works,” Peter said.

Ned had laughed nervously for a while. “How are you not freaking out?”

“Because I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it.”

The media coverage was kind of insane after the article was released, though. Mostly it was a rehashing of what the article said but there were segments on the news, talk shows, and those celebrity news shows. A lot of them highlighted the mention of Tony having a son and everyone seemed to be questioning who it might be. Only one article mentioned the possibility of Tony’s son being Spider-Man and it was almost said in jest which was funny because everyone seemed opposed to the idea because of how secretive Tony had been about having a son in the first place.

Since the publishing of the article, Friday had also started to deal with a high volume of calls for interviews that were all declined. Peter hadn’t expected it to be so crazy, but his dad and Steve were handling it.

“But we’re talking about Iron Man and Captain America getting married. Two Avengers marrying each other. It’s crazy.”

Peter sighed. “I’m aware. They’re also normal people. You’ve met them.”

“It’s still crazy, though.”

Michelle’s response had been to shrug. “It’s nice that they’re making a difference by making their romance public. Doesn’t really concern me though.” He really should have expected nothing less from her except that then she had turned and stared right at him and said, “Peter Stark.” And promptly walked away.

---

“I’m kind of glad I’m on house arrest now,” Steve said. He was playing with K-9 and Dum-E with a ball and Tony was in the middle of not watching some snapshots of the media coverage of their engagement. It had been created by Friday for them just so that they were on top of everything being said about them, but Tony had it on while he worked on something or other.

“Hmm, yes, they would be following you everywhere,” Tony said.

Tony for his part hadn’t really left the tower. They’d announced their engagement over Twitter the morning the article came out and it had been kind of funny how many people thought that Tony was joking. They thought so even when Steve tweeted about it. There had even been some that were convinced it was a misdirect from Tony and Pepper getting engaged or even full on married. Then, everyone got wind of the article and the messages changed to surprise. A lot were pleased and congratulatory but then there were the homophobes who were obviously completely offended by it but Tony didn’t care about engaging with people like that. There were fewer at first that mentioned Tony’s announcement of also being a father.

“Why, um, you haven’t explained why you mentioned having a son.”

He hadn’t mentioned the call from Ross. At first because he had so much to set up to screw up Ross’ plans, but also because he knew that Steve would feel guilty about it somehow.

“Ross knows my son is Spider-Man. I’m not -- I don’t know if he knows it’s Peter but he knows something so it made sense to announce it myself in a way.”

“Which is why everything was rushed,” Steve said.

The funny part was that after the article had come out and other coverage of it by the media got all of the information right there were still a bunch of rumors and stories to deal with. It was just so much information and no one really knew what to focus on. It was sort of brilliant to mix in Tony having a son in the middle of all of it.  

“Are they really saying that you made this a condition to have me back in the states?” Steve asked with a grin, looking at the screen.

“Apparently so. You know how they are — they want to paint me as the bad guy and in a lot of those people’s eyes I’m not good enough for you.”

“Those people have no idea how amazing you are,” Steve said

K-9 barked to get attention. The dog really was a great addition to the tower. Peter loved him of course, but so did Steve who was the first to just drop to the ground and roll around with the dog when he had time.  

“Get rid of all that, Fri, it’s useless.” The screen went dark. “Is there anything else that needs my attention? Otherwise I’ll get back to figuring out the housing unit for the nanotech.”

Friday seemed to take a moment to search and then, “I have surveillance footage of Thor and Loki in the city. There are also Instragram pictures of Thor.”

Steve dropped the ball at his feet and he straightened up, joining Tony to look at what Friday had been able to pull up. The video wasn’t all that grainy but it didn’t show much since it was them facing some sort of demolition. The video wasn’t even centered on them but they stood there for a while and it was definitely Thor and Loki even if they were both in regular human clothing and not their usual Asgardian gettup. It was also not enough to hide them from people on the street who seemed to stare at them from afar.

“What got demolished there?” Steve asked.

“Shady Acres Care Home,” Friday said.

“The real questions is why they are there and why Thor hasn’t thought to contact us if he’s back on Earth,” Tony said and it was worrisome because it meant that Thor wasn’t just back for leisure but that he was after something. That Loki was with him -- that might mean more problems for everyone.

They watched as Thor was approached by a bunch of girls -- which explained the origin of the pictures on Instagram and Twitter. And then just moments later Loki disappeared. Probably one of his tricks. Even Thor seemed surprised that his brother was gone -- and wasn’t it just even more worrisome to have Loki disappear like that? They watched as Thor picked something up off the ground and then he walked off.

“He’s here for a reason,” Tony said. “Have there been any more sightings?” Tony asked.

“I’m afraid not,” Friday said.

“So what do we do? There’s still no way to contact him so…”

“We wait,” Tony said. “And we can only hope that Loki isn’t up to something. Friday be on alert for any sighting of either.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Tony just hoped that nothing would come of Thor’s return to Earth.

Tony looked back at the unit for the nanotech. He hadn’t told anyone yet that it was probably going to mean that he was putting something back in his chest -- that this housing unit would have to be on him somehow and it’d be better for it to be in him. Thor showing up made him even more positive that he needed to do it.

“I’m sure it’s nothing bad,” Steve said. “He would have come to us if it was.”

Tony sighed. Loki had been with him and after the last time they had encountered the God of Mischief, Tony wouldn’t discount that he wasn’t up to anything. Although, it was a bit of a surprise to see him when Thor had been adamant that Loki was dead the last time they spoke about him. It made Tony wonder about what might have happened for Loki to be alive and for Loki and Thor to be together and not showing signs of not being on the same side. Tony understood that they were family, but he also knew that there was a lot of contention there. He just hoped that none of that would affect the people of Earth.

Chapter One Hundred Seven

[gogohedgehoglegs]

Walkway Marathon

Walkway Marathon June 11, 2017

Back for round 3!  So remember how last month, it was raining, and cool enough I actually needed arm sleeves?  Not tooodddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Its one million degrees, or at least something like that.  Thankfully I knew it was gonna be a hot one, so started drinking nuun saturday morning when I woke up, and kept that up the whole 24 hours until the race.  Drove over to Poughkeepsie on saturday, and Saturday was filled with fun stuff, lole shopping for wedding shower presents and general wandering, and picked up the bib.  I was surprised since bib pickup is required, but there wasn't an expo this year like there had been previously, so it was actually rather in and out.  If its essentially required to have bib pickup the day before(there is early morning packet pickup, but not convenient since there are shuttles involved to get to the parking, which is off campus, so what do you do with your shirt?), id like to see a little incentive to be there, and not sure why, since there had been the 2 previous years.

Dinner the night before was one of my 2 go-to's- sushi(vegetarian) this time!  Between the salt from the soy sauce and all the rice, its got the easy to digest things plus lots of salt.  Morning came quickly, since the race has a 7am start time, meaning need to be up with the chickens to eat.  Knowing it was going to be hot, the ritual was not unlike the ritual for last months- lots of aquaphor, body glide, and ride glide in all the known chafe areas.

Got over to the parking area near Marist with plenty of time, procrastinated in the car for a bit, then hopped the bus to head down there.  Previously there had been on campus parking, but the route was change this year because 1) people weren't fans of the supercrazy uphill right at the start 2) most runners apparently wanted the Walkway early in the race and 3) the Ulster rail trail side is closed this year because they are constructing a visitor center on that side, so you cant have a race going as far as it normally does.  Pre-race I just hung out of the portalet lines, watched the flyover by some classic bi-planes, and then it was time to line up and head out.

I have to say, I think this was the first time I have truly given up on any goals other than “finish,” since I have started running races.  With a start temp of 70, and rising from there, there just wasn't any point in putting myself at risk.  And just a sidenote at this point- one of my favorite things about this race is that in addition to water and Gatorade on course, they also have Nuun, for us of the weeny-stomach variety.

So the new course now winds gently through campus(uphill, but over a longer duration), before heading out for the tunnel under Rt 9, out of campus, and onto Fulton Ave to cut over to the Rail Trail, this time hopping on and heading toward the Walkway, with a much larger crowd than I'm used to since the Half and Full start together.  Along the rail trail, over the Walkway(its always pretty, and the breeze feels good), to the turn around right at the gate on the Highland side, and then back across the Walkway to head down the Dutchess Rail Trail for the remaining portion of the race.  Its warm, but apparently drinking nothing but Nuun for 24 hours helped, because I hold sub 8:30 splits through 12 miles, and probably the tree coverage is helping, as its keeping the direct, strong, sun off of us, although there's not as much breeze as I would have liked.

(photo credit Bob Kopak)

Once getting onto the Rail Trail I run with an half marathoner for a brief period of time, we trade a few war stories about warm races, she is one of many that I talked to that said after the warmth the last 2 years, she opted for only the half instead of the full, which is apparently a theme, since I was one of 187 full marathoners that finished(not sure how many started, but I was bib 198, so I'm going to guess somewhere between 200 and 250 actually started the race), as opposed to the 256 in 2016, and the 283 that finished in 2015.

(PS if you forget little baggies, your dogs poo bags work just as well so you can open the waffles ahead of time)

One of the most wonderful moments of the race(and it happened twice!!), was the angel who was out just north of where the trail crosses 55, where there's always a motorcycle training class during the race, is a woman! And not just any woman! But a woman who's got a whole cooler filled with ice! In little ziplock baggies!  I thank her profusely, take the baggy, stuff it in the front of my bra, and then proceed to pull the ice cubes(theyre the fun tube round ones) and suck on them one at a time until they're all gone/melted, and then drop the bag at one of the next water stops. Sometime around the Rt 55 crossing, I end up with another runner whos on the same pace with me, and then we adopt another woman who was going to pace her boyfriend, but he had actually decided to drop out at the point he was meeting her.  While there are signs noting there's a race going on, they actually don't have the rail trail closed, so shes runs along with us for a bit, and, since shes not racing, refuses offers for water at all the stops we pass and makes it clear shes not part of the race.  Just after the turn around at Mile 15, the 2 of them pull away from me, because I'm getting kinda tired. Heading back along the Rail Trail toward Marist, I have to admit, I'm kindof glad my parents didn't come out to cheer me at the point that's closest to their house, because I feel like it would have been way too easy to just hop off the course and go home.

Around Mile 17 I start walking through waterstops, taking both a cup of water and a cup of Nuun- fueling is continuing to go well, but I'm not taking any chances, because its HOT.  Crossing over Rt 55, the rail trail is actually elevated to cross over, so there's a great breeze on the bridge.  I stop and walk, just letting it blow all around me and cool me off.  Back along the trail, until about Mile 24, which is nice, because it truly means you are almost done when you hop back onto the roads to head back to Marist.  Although, having said that, they do seem like a long 2 miles, because there's a bunch of turns and landmarks along this part, so you cant really zone out and then suddenly realize you're gone 2 miles.  

{photo credit Donald Byfield}

But finally comes the turns onto campus, down a hill, under and through the tunnel, meadering through campus, up a hill, down a long hill, through the tunnel to the boat house(its really fun to yell while going through here, make sure you do it sometime), and then up the final hill and then down the hill to the finish!

Crazy as it sounds, in the stupid hot heat, I actually managed to better my time from Rhinebeck by the teensiest bit.  I make a mental note to do that more often, but, flashforward, I forget by the next race.

Its funny.  I said after this race that its the first one ive run in a long time with my head actually out of my ass and I needed to write about it so that I can remember I am actually capable or turning off that sick competitive gene, but it still took me forever to post this.  Guess I was waiting to see if the attitude stuck, because I need to learn from this, because life isn't handing me lemons at this point, its handing me rotten moldy lemons that I cant do anything with, and I really really need to learn when I need to throw the lemons out instead of trying to make lemonade with them.

Final Stats:

4:01:01

39/187 overall, 13/77 women, 5/18 F30-39

[woohooligancomics]

Webcomic Whimsy: Parhelion

Welcome to the Woohooligan Weekly Webcomic Whimsy! I've given a couple of interviews in the past, but this is my first experience with reviewing. If you have any suggestions for improvements, feel free to leave a note. If you're a webcomic author and would like a review, you can see my announcement and review rules here.

Title: Parhelion

Author: Riley Smith • Twitter • Tumblr

Site: ParhelionComic.com • Patreon

Genres: Experimental, Dystopian, SciFi, Space Opera, Black Comedy, Experimental, Surreal, Action/Adventure, Gay Space Pirates, A day in the life of a bargain-bin Han Solo

Rating: PG, T for Teen - adult situations, some language

Updates: ??

Synopsis: (from ParhelionComic.com/about) - The World’s Collective, an ambitious plan to unite the galaxy, has just formally collapsed. A despondent interpreter hires a pirate to retrieve some personal files from his office, and they hit it off. Meanwhile, wheels are turning throughout the galaxy, with all kinds of plans at cross-purposes. Warlords lock horns, Boltzmann Brains fight for freedom, and plenty of people just want some peace and quiet.

The first thing anyone is bound to notice about Parhelion is its experimental art style. I suspect this will be a case of "love it or hate it" with very few people in the undecided camp. It certainly has its appeal, with a kind of "baroque simplicity", (which in English means it looks more complicated than it is). Although later chapters get some monochromatic coloring, there's never full color and it might be better that way. Even when a character is human, the lines of the form often don't intersect, leaving a gap at a joint like a waist or elbow, so full color might look out of place. With alien characters, all bets are off, as there's barely a passing nod to notions of anatomy. One drawback to this style is the ambassador from the Planet of the Floor Lamps! (See, it's like Planet of the Apes but...)

A small side-note: so far, Riley is the only author I've reviewed who maintains an annotated synopsis of all his chapters. It's a nice touch if you'd like to see the whole outline of the story in advance.

If you don't mind an occasional character who looks like office furniture, there's a dystopian space opera here that you might enjoy, hot on the heels of a failed galactic government called the Collective. The first page opens with, "like it or not, civilization is built on stimulants, pornography and worse." I'm not sure if the author thinks poorly of porn or if they expect the reader to. I personally think porn is like other industries, there's some bad stuff to be had, but there are also unscrupulous insurance people making money off of the death or misfortune of others. So I won't personally single-out the porn industry as "bad stuff", and stimulants? Meh... coffee is a stimulant. But if you're expecting any porn in this comic, remember that any dick picks will inevitably look like a Tinkertoy with this style of art. (There isn't any porn, it's T for Teen.)

But I digress... that opening line is intended to set the mood of Parhelion's dystopian future. The main character, Peter, is jaded while not being entirely cynical, describing the recently collapsed Collective as "a beacon of hope, smothered at birth by a pack of vultures."

Peter meets his alien, soon-to-be partner, a translator named Cerril, at a bar. In fact, Peter interrupts Cerril's week-long alcoholic bender, mid-gargle-blaster. You see, Cerril's an ivory tower jackoff who used to work for the Collective, before it's untimely collapse just days or weeks before the story started. That's why he needs all the booze. What he didn't know is that Peter needs a translator.

This is also a good time to point out another small problem with the art style, which is, when you use straight, perpendicular lines for your dialog balloons, especially when you're drawing in black and white, the dialog can easily get lost in the illustration, like it does at the bottom of the above page. Or it can create parallel tangents or fake panels like at the top of the previous page.

There's also a fair amount of black comedy or "gallows humor" in Parhelion, like Peter insisting to terms for his own murder, specifically that it be an involved and painful mano-a-mano affair. And Riley occasionally gets technical. Unlike Star Wars in which the function of the protocol droid C-3PO is simply assumed, Riley stops for a couple pages to explain why Cerril's job title is "translator" instead of "office clerk". Oh, but I was wrong about the Tinkertoys...

Several pages are devoted to developing the characters for Peter and Cerril before there's been any real plot. Peter presents himself as a happy-go-lucky space pirate, a kind of bargain-bin Han Solo. And it turns out that the falling-down-drunk Cerril isn't entirely cynical either.

I know I sound like a broken record here, but I see a lot of what I feel is slow pacing in the webcomics I'm reviewing. Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm being a little overly critical on this point. Having said that, I'm seventeen pages in and while I've gotten some good character development for Peter and Cerril, I still haven't seen any plot development beyond "you need to bring me the translator and you can't refuse because I'm your pirate-boss and you're in deep." For reference, a standard issue of a Marvel or DC title is twenty to twenty-four pages, so if this were one of their books, we'd be on the very last couple of pages with only just the basic character development covered.

That's when we see Peter's gnarly missing-eye scar... or is that mechanical? Hard to tell.

But I do think they make a good team... it's basically that bargain bin Han Solo teamed up with a drunken, curmudgeonly C-3PO.

Note that in the bottom half of this page, those are supposed to be fully human, factory-direct hands, with no modifications. It's that sort of thing that makes me say I think this art style will be fairly polarizing: you'll love it or hate it, there won't be a lot of indifference. The hand on the left looks like a bunch of straw sticking out of a sleeve and the one on the right looks like a garden rake. Yeah, he's a bargain bin Han Solo, but this picture makes him look like a badass, one-eyed, space-pirate scarecrow from the land of Oz.

At the beginning of their three-day trip, Cerril asked Peter to steal something for him. By day three, Cerril finally explains that it was just some personal files he wouldn't be able to retrieve from his offices after the Collective collapsed. That's when it's revealed that these particular space pirates are gay, although that reveal is weirdly subtle and kind of sprung on the reader out of the blue like a jump-scare in a horror movie, or maybe a Rickroll. (I'm bringin' back ALL the dated memes, bae!) Pete and Cerril mention "neck marks" without any indication they had been playing tonsil hockey, although that's preceded by some peculiar seating arrangements that weren't foreshadowed in any way. So in a storytelling sense, it feels like we went from teeth-clenched teamwork to the power of love while skipping the middle part where "I'm going to murder you in your sleep, you slaver" gradually becomes "let's slip into something more comfortable".

And then they touch-down on what appears to be literally the land of Oz, right off the yellow-brick road, just outside of the Emerald City. There's even an old-fashioned hand-made crossroads sign.

Just in time to let us know that three days alone in the ship wasn't nearly enough time for sex! Seriously, you need at least a week for a proper blowjob.

But if you thought Peter's missing eye looked painful, it's nothing compared to the hopelessly tangled earbuds that comprise the "face" of the tyrant known as the Basilisk.

Although some of the Baroqueness is rather nice.

We've had a few budget cuts, so the part of Parliament's architectural columns will be played by butt-plugs. (You can't unsee it! You're welcome.)

Starting in the second chapter, Riley starts getting creative with the lettering, occasionally replacing a character or two with an alien symbol. The only pattern I can see is that a particular letter or combination is always given the same symbol, so what would be "th" becomes a single symbol that vaguely resembles a J, making "the" look like "je". It's obviously not used for the purpose of censoring swearing, since the page starts with the phrase "fucking joke" (a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into an orgy). Given that, I can only imagine that these random substitutions are purely for the purpose of adding an alien flavor to the narration or dialog of certain characters. Personally, I'm not on-board. Riley's already added some similar decoration around the dialog box, and I feel like that's the more appropriate way to create that flavor. These substitutions in the text keep interrupting my reading flow as I have to stop to workout what "video#at" or "fai#ful" mean. It's only a fraction of a second for any individual word, however even that fractional pause is noticeable and mildly irritating as a reader. Like I said, the style of this comic is experimental, and experimentation always comes with some risk and sometimes it pays off. I just don't feel like, as experiments go, this text experiment was a keeper. What do you think?

It isn't until the fourth page of chapter two that Peter and Cerril officially become partners, with a little light comedy that reminds me a little of C-3PO's pitch to uncle Owen in Star Wars IV, except that Cerril is arguing against going with Alison. (That may have a lot to do with my already saying Cerril reminds me of C-3PO.)

While the writing on this page is good and Cerril's body language is well done, the page as a whole has several trouble-spots. There are several ways the first panel could have been composed without letting the dialog cut into the top of Alison's head. While it's not hard to figure out in this particular case, dialog from a character off-camera is frequently shown as it is here in the 2nd and 3rd panel. This is problematic for a couple of reasons, one because there's no visual difference between these dialog boxes and a narration box. That's not confusing on this particular page, but I could easily see it becoming confusing on other pages. Second, and more importantly, I've seen a few more recent pages where this is done in a scene with three or more characters and it's not always apparent who's speaking. Use of colored dialog boxes or a small symbol indicating the character could resolve this issue, although as an artist myself, I would work a little harder to keep the speaking characters on-camera. I might still use the symbol on some infrequent occasions if I were having a really difficult time with the composition of a specific page. I just don't think the off-camera boxes should be a frequent occurrence... reserve them for when Dorothy finally meets the Wizard.

And on page six of the second chapter, we're finally on to our dynamic duo's first suicide mission (of many, natch). I'm pretty sure they have one of those hole-punch coupons, they get a free sandwich after every fifth suicide mission they complete. Loyalty is important, yo!

Don't worry though, the veteran Peter has a plan! Peter's plan is to show up unannounced to a definitely hostile, likely heavily armed facility, and say "Hi! I'm peter! Go fuck yourself!" Which, of course, works every time. No, seriously, nobody even mentions it being weird and they make plans with the manager of the hostile station to go get tacos later.

But Peter wants to to know you don't fuck with a space-pirate's tacos, you spineless corporate cuck!

And since Parhelion is more of a black comedy than an adventure (I'm sure it's in there somewhere), this taco tirade is the big mistake where shit gets real. (Yeah, no, it's totally not lazily waltzing in on a hostile, likely heavily armed base. That part was cake.)

I really like that dramatic last panel on page fifteen of chapter two, so that's where I'm going to end this review.

So there's my pitch. If you enjoy tongue-in-cheek space opera, surreal and experimental illustration, and gay space-pirates, it's worth a look at Parhelion!

If you are a webcomic author and are interested in a review from me, you can check out my announcement and my review rules here.

If you enjoy my reviews and would like to help ensure I'm able to continue publishing them, you can contribute on our Patreon or if you're short on funds you can also help me out by checking out and sharing my own webcomic, Woohooligan!

Thanks! Sam