#Its ok I have enough money right now. dont worry about me or anything LOL

[frascospecimen]

The hat was cute I had to buy it. HELP

[tomatonibbler]

um yeah i helped a homeless woman today usually ill admit... i dont do anything because im broke and like well what if ill be taken advantage of but this time i was like yeah i need to do something cause she was pregnant and was eating ice to keep herself full. and im really not going to make rent this month but i really had to do something. so we went to walgreens andon the wah there she was just dumping all of her traumas on me and i was like yeah that is terrible idk if i should share it on here but she said she has holes in her head from being stabbed 27 times and i was like oh my god. she also told me i was beautiful and i have rosy cheeks like mary poppins and im like ok thanks because i was like she is just bring nice to make me feel better about doing this for her or maybe she meant i had a beautiful soul or...idk. i just take compliments like that with a grain of salt which idk if thats wrong, maybe i should believe that shes genuine, idk. but she was going to go to the doctors tomorrow for her babies (shes pregnant with twins) across town and needed bus money too...so i was like ok im doing cash back..i bought her sardines and cigarettes i offered nuts but she cant eat anything hard because of her injuries she endured...i will admit i was hesitant on getting her cigarettes cause of the babies but she was like ill just smoke half of one and im really really stressed and i was like..the kids will turn out fine..this is the least i can do for her right? i did max on cash back which was twenty and i was like i hope thats enough...anyways did the transaction and outside we hugged and i kissed her cheek and she said i love you. and i said i love you too. but she was really sweet and i told her things will get better. i wont abandon you ill pray for you and really ill hope the best for you. and she was worried about my finger nail lol which was really sweet but i just explained to her that it was oil paint and nothing to worry about. and yeah i just thought about her my whole walk home...im thinking about her now and really hoping she stays safe tonight i told her to stay safe too...

anyway the point is: did i do the right thing by helping her? i promise im a kind person but im just always on my toes about these kind of things and i know she knew to approach me because im young and less protective of myself and more likely to do things for other people because that protective part hasnt developed yet and im more likely to be proactive partially due to life experience and brain development...but maybe she wasnt thinking that at all and just approached me cause i looked kind. idk ig im asking for advice.

sorry for the long wall of text...actually you know what im not sorry its my blog and you can just scroll right on past and not say anything 🫵 bitch

[slyshyfoxy]

6 Feb 2024

Hello, its me, actually 1 whole month of 2024 just passed quickly in the flash of an eye cause i was busy working as an intern. The next few days coming will be chinese new year soon, and finally tomorrow i will be able to go to work for half a day, and apparently i need to see my big boss who had hired me, i hope it is nothing bad as i do not know what is he finding me for, hope it is not any scoldings. I think recently my emotions has been all over the place, and i am not motivated enough to go and work , i do not know why too. Today i ate a big fish and chips and tater toes, feeling like a extreme fat fuck right now, but i realised that i was hungry and starving that i was angry. I realised that everytime i want to lose weight , my emotions are easily blurred? Like i get angrily as more than usual. And recently i have been facing a lot of screen time on my computer or phone, and honestly i want to get away with it like i don't want to stare at my screen so much and want to actually interact with more people which might be healthier for my mind and body too. Think i should be more interactive with my work mates LOL and stop focusing on the hustling life as much too. And know that doing nothing in life currently is also okay, like okay to take a break, ok to not follow schedule once in awhile. But of course, need to get to work tomorrow no matter what. But yes it is okay to take a break and do nothing once in awhile. But also i realise that basically the less stressed i am, the more productive i will be, so i should focus and keep that in my motto. Basically to stay present and less screen time. And also start exercising maybe i will feel better, go for more site walks also. My goals will always be there, but i just need sometime to wind down and relax by myself too, not always on the gogo too. If not i will not have anytime for myself to chill. I think for now i will focus on relaxing first for like a couple of days then getting back to that horse to finish my goals. Like 4 to 5 days ish? Taking as much alone time as i need to. I have been chasing goals after goals and that was how i function, but when did i ever take relaxing as a goal? Basically right now whatever I am doing is ok, i don't have to worry about anything, think I want to do things unrelated to screen time cause my eyes are tired of staring at the screen, and maybe socialize a bit more. Money will always come, and i think i want to stop staring at my bazi so much and let it naturally come and let life really unfold into my eyes, basically to go with the flow, and tarot cards are just repeating like a song man, like whatever they say is repeating, i think i should be natural and go with the flow of things. And furthermore, they said that my luck for this year will be bad, and i honestly dont want to believe that, as i always believe in hardwork and having luck in ur hands and creating the future i want. No matter what, i will turn bad things to good things, challenging me? I will always win. In the future, i would also like to travel to france and italy europe, and alsaka. I am going to be 24, it is not any younger, yes the rat race to earning alot is here but i need to be focused on what i can do to earn as much too, i want to own a car, rent a place and have a cat. I will be fine, focus on now and present i will be fine. Take a break first then continue later on. Dont worry jenny u are who u are , who u want to be. So just be yourself, dont constraint urself too much. Jiayous. - 6 Feb 2024.

[ireallycouldnotbebothered]

•temporary lover•

summary: you are completely shocked when a criminal climbs into your window, pretending to be your lover as the cops are desperately on the search for him.

warnings: guns used inappropriately, violence(?) and alot of smut

mistas thoughts in blue!

✪✮

"Book inspiration is so hard to get these days!" You said as you threw another piece of paper in the now full trash can next to you. It had been 2 months since your first ever book had gone viral and now the expectations to release a book just as good were too high.

The money you had received from the book you got was treating you well though, your apartment was huge and you could get anything you wanted but you wanted to try and write something else.

Something with action and with well thought out characters was what you needed for another bestseller but right now your mind was blank.

You sighed and decided that you should probably stop for the night, you weren't getting anywhere and you were tired. You got changed into a white,silky nightdress and just as you turned around to go to your bedroom, you heard a loud BANG.

You froze. That came from downstairs! Were you being robbed?? Oh no, you were too young to die! You grabbed a plank that was next to you and ran down the stairs. You were in your hero arc right now so it was only right to be stupid and run straight into the scene.

When you got downstairs with the plank in both hands, you found a bizarre man in a blue suit on the floor with scratches and bruises all over his face.

He looked straight up at you with a mischievous grin.

The plank had now left your hand and you felt drunk as you couldn't decide on which emotion you were feeling, excitement,worry and all the others.

"who the fuck are you??" You said staring at him.

"I don't usually present myself like this so I deeply apologise for this miss, I'm known as guido mista, a pretty girl like you must have a pretty name, right?"

Who is this woman and why is she so amazingly pretty??

"MISTA AS IN FAMOUS GANG MEMBER MISTA WHOSE BEEN ON THE RUN FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS??" You shouted, remembering the news report you had read this afternoon.

"Oh I didn't know I was famous enough for a pretty girl like you to say my name. Luckily for you I think I'll be here for a while."

He laughs at your still shocked face as he gets up to sit on a chair.

"You look sexy in that nightdress by the way, I just about get a view of your boobs from here" he said, taking off his hat (?)(idk what its called lol) to reveal brown curly hair.

"Number 1 who said you're staying here and Number 2 don't be a fucking pervert or you're getting hit with the plank, infact you're getting hit either way" You shouted walking towards him.

"Come on I'm sure we can compromise pretty girl, right?"

"I dont think so Guido Mista." You smirked at the man who was now face to face with you.

"I'll let you do anything you want to me pretty girl. Anything." He said pulling you closer to him.

As he gets to examine your face more, he feels like he's seen you before on a show or something.

"Are you famous or something, I've definitely seen this pretty face before." He said, lifting your chin with his index finger.

You push him away slowly and sit on a chair opposite him and sigh.

What the fuck am I going to do with him? I mean I could ask him some stories he has about adventures or something at least.

"Ok. How about we make a deal, im a writer and i need some inspiration so tell me some of your best stories and you can stay for however long you need to." You said looking at him.

"That works perfectly for me but I should mention how the police are going through everyone on this street's houses to find me so uh-"

"WHAT."

Just as you were about to start shouting at him you heard a police officer talking to your neighbors.

"What the hell do we do??" You said crossing your arms.

"Easy. Fake sex. They won't come in when they hear a young, hot couple having the type of sex your neighbors complain about." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You froze. I mean all I have to do is fake moan it's pretty easy

"Fuck fuck fuck uh take off your clothes" You said to the brunette as the police officers were inches away from your door.

"Oh so we're dating now, its only been 5 minutes pretty girl and you want me this bad."

"Shut up and take off your clothes do you want to get caught?" You said taking off your nightdress to reveal a silky white lingerie.

"Oh wow, all this for me, you're too kind pretty girl." He said removing his outfit leaving you to view a god-like body infront of him.

You quickly ran to open the window near the door so your fake show could be heard.

You went to Mista and crawled ontop of him

"Dont make this harder than it already is Mista."

"Keep saying my name like that and I might not be able to control myself pretty girl." He chuckled, relaxing himself into the chair.

As soon as the both of you hear footsteps, you start to give him soft kisses all over his face and then his neck where you suck harder earning a loud groan from him.

"Right there baby" he says almost too genuine.

You hear a soft knock on the door.

"What do we do?" You whisper to him.

He pushes you towards him pressing his lips against yours, grabbing your ass in the process causing you to moan loudly.

"Why dont we have a little bit of fun?"

"As long as you dont get caught I do not care Mista." You whispered to him, worried that you could be heard.

To be honest you were just really horny and wanted this mystery man to give you a nice night.

He took off his boxers revealing a rock hard cock poking out.

You gulped, it's huge

He smiled at your expression and shoved his aching cock into your mouth.

You chocked slightly as he pushed further down your throat. You slowly bobbed your head, taking in his length earning some loud moans from him.

"Fuck just like that baby, don't stop I'm close" He groaned pushing your head deeper with one hand.

"Hello anyone in. It's the police, please open the door or we will have to ourselves."

You both froze.

FUCK.

"One second coming!" You shouted, slowly pushing Mista off to get a bathrobe from an other room.

You ran to the door and opened it with an annoyed expression.

"Uhm I'm busy right now, do you need anything?"

"Trust me we could tell." One of the officers said with a smirk.

"Excuse me?" You said glaring at him.

"Sorry about him, we're looking for a criminal on the loose Guido Mista, do you have any idea of his whereabouts?"

Time for the main act.

"Are you saying that because I'm a woman, do you think I'm sleeping with him or something. I've already been disrespected by your colleague here so I really am considering talking to your boss." You said in the most stern voice you could.

As the two officers stood there shocked, suddenly Mista appeared behind you in a bathroom robe and a black face mask.

"Anything wrong babe, I can hear alot of noise" He said leaning on the doorframe beside you.

"Just these officers" you said playing along.

"Oh, if you guys don't mind we have some business to attend to right now so maybe you could come at a later time?"

The police officer stared at him attentively but ultimately gave up.

"Uh yes okay, were terribly sorry by the way miss" the officer said.

You slammed the door and shut the window and sighed.

"Jesus Christ they're so persistent"

"You owe me I saved your ass." Mista laughed as you fell onto the chair.

"No you owe me first. I have you the best blowjob of your life, give me a story."

"Fine, hmm where do I start." He said sitting next to you on the chair.

"Well I had a few adventures with this guy called Giorno Giovanna, he was crazy I swear-"

✪✮

[vrnicky]

Ok then...here we go! (I copied the suff from my matchup from ratsoh, I hope thats ok! didn't have the energy to write this all out lol)

Your basic personality traits: ex: laid back, bubbly, playful, organized, stable…

I'm a bit high strung, bubbly, and I like to joke around a lot. My sense of humor is literally everywhere- dark humor, memes, chaotic shenanigans, you name it I'll probably laugh at it, though I'm most prone to making really really dark jokes out of no where. I am prone to being pessimistic and though I love the idea of being organized and productive, I always end up displaying an alarming lack of discipline. I admit I'm not that stable.. I'm a little reckless. I'm passionate about the things I care about. I use pet names with everyone. Friends. Family. If I know you I'm calling you hon or dear or love or darling, deal with it.

Some of your strengths:

I'm easygoing and forgiving, and I believe that anyone can be their best if they try. I'm very perseverant- once I set my mind to something, I'll stick to it and work hard and consistently. I do my best to be kind and understanding, and I have a lot of patience emotionally.

Some of your weaknesses:

I am a little bit cowardly and can let my fear paralyze me at times. I run my mouth without thinking sometimes so I can say things I don't mean. I overthink a lot and can get really anxious if things aren't clear, and I'm not very good at understanding social signals. Clarity is key- though I'm always up for teasing. I'm a little secretive and prone to hiding away from things that bother me, so I just need a little bit of pressure sometimes.

Likes and dislikes/hobbies:

I love making art, writing fiction and poetry, and learning/researching the sciences. I embroider ocassionaly. I practice tae kwon do. Medical, biological, astronomy, engineering... I love understanding the world. I read A LOT. If I had the money I'd turn my home into a library.

Any deal breakers in a relationship?

I don't mind secrets, as long as communication is clear. If you tell me your not ready, I won't push, but if you refuse to speak at all and provide no reasoning, I'll work myself up and get really really anxious. I also don't like people who are unnecessarily cruel, selfish, or harsh- the world is mean enough, why add to it? I need a lot physical affection too, I'm a hugger but only with people I know.

Physical description:

I have mid length black hair, brown eyes, olive skin, average build and am 5'1. If you didn't catch it, my soul trait (after like 100 undertale quizzes) is perseverance.

-wisteria

I dont mind you copied this tbh! I changed some stuff with the final boy because of the new things i know about you! But its finally here, your matchup!!

I match you with... Allen! (Storyshift Sans)

Okay, to put you in context right now, Allen is that dad friend basically, he's all soft and patience around everyone. He's an Asgore after all.

Even tho it would be a small chance when you enter his flower shop, he's friends with almost everyone so you could have meet him through them too! He is a sweetheart, dont worry!

He loves how bubbly you can get, literally, he wants to pinch your cheeks lol. Just be patience with him when he doesn't get a meme, he's an old man...

You would end up using a lot of pet names, he calls you cute human and when you started using dear or that, he changed it to sunshine, if you ever got together he will call you cutiepie or sweetheart, no take backs.

He's in love with how perseverant you can be! Even tho he lose some of it when he got to the surface, he is really good motivating you! Either with cute cheek kisses, cookies, tea, anything he can do, he will do it to be a little helpful!

Please, talk to him about what you dont like or when you want him to stop, he doesn't know everything and he has his own stuff going too and if you dont want to listen, he will start to close a lot :(...

Your dates would be either a picnic outside or in his garden, he enjoys the calm places so either outside or inside but just if its calm enough, you can bloom some flowers if you like it too! He loves it, no matter how many times you do it, he's looking at you all lovey dovey.

So... many... cuddles...

He's also a hugger, he cant help it, getting out of bed living with him is hard, only if its his day off tho. Thats when you have to beg him to let you go lol.

Thank you and hope you enjoy who you got!! <3

And if you were curious, the other close option was Garo! The follow one was Carrot!!

[pale-cheezit]

Can you answer every 5th question from your 216-question ask post? Thanks!

Girl you're killin me lol. I'm bored though so thanks for giving me something to do!! I know I'm really late posting this but oh well. Thanks for the ask :)

5) Book/series I reread?

My favorite author is Tana French and I've reread her books a few times. I've reread the book "The Shack" by William P. Young a few times as well. I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting right now.

10) The word that I use all the time to describe something great?

Probably fuck. As in, "that's fucking great" or "this is fucking awesome" or something like that lol

15) Last song I listened to?

Some new Five Finger Death Punch song that was on the radio

20) Favorite video games?

Probably New Super Mario Bros

25) Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in?

Ooof... I can't think of any off the top of my head. I have some actors that I like that make me go "oh theyre in this movie, it might be good" but I don't think I ever really watch anything just because of a certain actor.

30) Eye color?

Blueish/greenish. Changes colors sometimes depending on what I'm wearing.

35) Am I excited about anything?

Not really.

40) What do I think about most?

I swing wildly between thinking about insignificant nonsense and everything I'm worried/anxious about (my very uncertain future and what to do with myself and mental health shit I'm going through) and I think about my loved ones a lot too!

45) Last film I watched?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame lol

50) How do I destress?

I'm pretty good at pushing things out of my mind when I want to or need to (a blessing and a curse) Also smoke weed. Idk, feels like I'm always stressed about something in the back of my mind.

55) Play any sports?

I don't anymore but I played volleyball for almost 10 years of my life. Good times. I miss those days.

60) Pet peeve?

People that put masks on their kids.

65) What fictional universe would I like to be a part of?

Friskies world from the cat food commercial of course

70) Can I sing?

I think I can sing ok. I'm not amazing but also not horrible.

75) Where do I want to live?

Away from people and traffic!!! I hate how close together the houses are in the suburbs. But I don't want to be so far in the middle of nowhere that I have to drive hours to get groceries. Idk, maybe I wouldn't mind that after awhile, I'd probably get used to it. I just want my own land and to be able to walk out the back door and have my own personal shooting range on my property.

80) Can I drive?

Yeah. Can't drive stick though. I should learn.

85) Favorite genre of music?

Rock

90) Favorite sporty activity?

Uhhh like walking or hiking I guess. Baseball definitely.

95) How tall am I?

5'7"

100) Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?

I have NO friends lol

105) Last person I texted?

My mom

110) Do I like selfies?

Eh sort of. If I'm feeling good about myself, I might take a few but that's rare for me these days. I like to take pictures of much more interesting things instead! Selfies are boring!

115) Favorite number?

8 I guess

120) Am I much of a daredevil?

Depends on the situation and the mood I'm in. I can be. We all got a little daredevil in us if we drink enough lol

125) The Beatles or Elvis?

Elvis

130) Favorite piece of advice?

Hmm....Anything Jordan Peterson says is usually great advice lol. But I guess simple things like be yourself, enjoy the small things in life, never miss a good chance to shut up, others can inspire and support you- but only you can save yourself, assume you know nothing, listen to your elders cause they know a thing or two about life (SOMETIMES)

135) Do I like gossip?

Eh not really. It depends. I know I'm guilty of it because that's all women be doin but you can definitely cross a line with that stuff and some people have issues with that and that shit can be annoying. it's definitely something I try not to do too much because I wouldn't want others to gossip about me behind my back

140) Do I believe people are capable of change?

I'd like to think so. I mean, I think its not ALWAYS the case. There's definitely people that wont or cant change but there's also plenty of people that are willing to put in the work and have changed themselves and their lives.

145) In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?

Bitch nobody could play me or my family better than me or my family

150) What is the best decision I have made in life so far?

I honestly don't know. I thought of a few different things and realized none of them were really decisions I 100% made for myself /: I've had a life so far that's been filled with other people making decisions for me. Kind of one of my problems I gotta work on. I guess I would say choosing to finally leave the shitty relationship I was in but he kind of left me in the end so it wasn't completely my decision. There's probably a bunch of small decisions I've made in the past that turned out great for me that I'm just forgetting right now.

155) Who is the most intelligent person I know?

I used to think my brother was because he was a genius child but then I grew up and realized there's a lot of different ways to be intelligent. I was gonna say Jordan Peterson but I dont actually know him lol. It's a hard question for me because I truly believe people are intelligent in so many different ways and Ive met many people that are smart in some ways but dumb in others. I guess my Dad would make the list if I had to pick someone.

160) What color mostly dominates my wardrobe?

BLUE

165) Do I believe in fate?

I think so. I think we can change our fate though too.

170) One of my favorite quotes?

"those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."- Ben Franklin

"unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality"- Emily Dickinson

I have a TON of favorite quotes, I could take up pages lol. Those are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.

175) Do I dream?

Yes, every single time I sleep. Even when I take a nap. I'm always dreaming.

180) Do I like shopping?

It depends on my mood and what I'm shopping for. Sometimes I'm in the mood to shop and I have fun with it but other times I'm not feeling it at all. I don't like spending money, it makes me feel guilty.

185) If I could master one skill, what would I choose?

Probably being an excellent shot. As skilled as Annie Oakley- if that's even possible haha

190) If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?

60s or 70s. Maybe the 20s.

195) Would I ever want to encounter aliens?

Fuck no. Definitely wouldnt be like some sci-fi movie. It'd be fucking terrifying.

200) Dragons or wizards?

Neither. Never been into either of those things. I also never got what the big deal about dragons is

205) Do I like my handwriting?

Yeah I suppose. Its very inconsistent. It goes from messy to neat to somewhere in between all in one page. Just like me lol

210) What is on my bucket list?

Travel. See the world. I dont have anything super specific but I definitely wish I could see all this world has to offer.

215) What is the weirdest talent I have?

I have no idea. I have no talent that I can think of. I'm sure there's gotta be something but I have no clue right now.

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[desolationlovers]

oh yall thought i was done x posting? lol. kamui character rant under the cut

the thing about kamui is i dont know that hes a very deep character??atleast not how clamp has written him and esp not in the manga.

he spends a lot of the manga being confused and often manipulated. and hes really just a kid.

his first big character arc is debastardization basically. when hes introduced hes a TOTAL asshole (the anime added scenes to make him more of a dick at the start but also has a bit of an explaination? ill get to it). hes shown as very rude to everyone around him, yelling at people to get out of his way or get lost, including his previous friends. hes also shown to have absolutely no care for his surrondings and regularly fights and uses his powers in places where bystanders could be injured and leaving roads bridges or nearby buildings in ruins. when confronted about the latter by hinotos knight (his name is saiki) he straight up says he doesnt care if anyone gets hurt. which i mean ok nothing wrong with a character being an asshole. the extreme in your face way kotori and fuuma describe kamui as a kid being very shy and Very quiet and gentle makes this characterization confusing but hey people can change i guess. the confusing part is that as kamui slowly beings to let his guard down he says that the big reason he was so standoffish especially wrt kotori and fuuma was because he wanted to keep them at a distance so they wouldnt get involved with all the end of the world stuff. which makes sense obviously! kamui was absolutely aware of how dangerous it might get. his entire plan was to get the shinken (the sacred sword) and bail because he didnt want any part of any of it. what i dont get is why he was totally cool with bystanders being injured or killed. during his fight with saiki they were in a neighborhood! on people roofs and shit!! saiki is the one to lead them to an abandoned construction site so no one gets caught in the crossfire. and kamui almost kills saiki!!! which i will let slide a bit because kamui was being followed and had been attacked by spells literally that morning. but later on he apologizes to saiki but never explained his reasoning why he didnt care about destroying peoples houses??? and its never brought up again?????? also theres a scene added to the anime where he kicks the shit out of kotori and fuumas dad??? because he wouldnt give kamui the sword?? bro thats ur best friends dad you jackass!!!!!

in the anime they added flashbacks for the time after he moved away from tokyo which i think make his whole character make much more sense. when he first moves and goes to a new school he accidentally uses his powers and makes everyone afraid of him. fast forward past elementary school to high? school? its unclear. at school hes a lazy slacker that never goes to class and never talks to anyone, big ol loner. he sees that a local gang has been stealing kids money and beating them up. so he decides to put on a tough guy persona and confront the gang telling them to knock it off and scaring them shitless with some fun ass kicking psychokenesis. now i am SO on board with this addition. kamui being ostrisized for being weird and scary when hes already a super shy kid, so he embraces this scary intimidating image and tries using it for good because hes still ultimately kind hearted. he gets too absorbed in this tough guy persona that he loses touch with the original purpose of it and just uses it as a shield because he himself is afraid and confused. and maybe even hiding behind it because hes so afraid of having this huge destiny that he doesnt know if he can live up to and how can someone who decides the fate of the world be just some quiet oversensitive guy.

except all of that is my own speculation and analysis because they really do not go into ANY detail about this. i wouldnt say its to the point where it feels like they just flipped a switch and hes nice now but it def feels like that. and it annoys me because after he kind of apologizes for being a dick it doesnt really get brought up again?? i think he broods over it once or twice. but i would have really liked to see flashes of it coming back in high stress situations or something? he has a lot of points of grief and depression but its always meloncholic rather than angry and it really makes him feel like two different characters i wish it was way more of a mix.

anger would also be good with the whole overarching theme of trying to break out of the path destined for you. its constantly said that theres only one future by the dreamgazers although hinoto wants to change it. its supposed destined that kamui will lose and earth will be destroyed. anger but more importantly PASSION is whats needed break out of what has been preordained and to carve your own path. passion is also whats needed for the main part of the second half of kamuis character arc, figuring out what it is he REALLY wants. what his true wish is.

i also think anger could have been a good inverse to the deliberate mirroring of kamuis character and subarus character. subaru really represents despair and being completely swallowed by grief. his story is that the man he fell in love with (named seishiro) was just manipulating him for fun and is actually an emotionless assassian. subaru is so destroyed by this realization he goes into a depression and because of this is unable to save his sister being killed by seishiro. his goal is literally to be enough of a nusance to seishiro that hell kill him. literally he wants to be acknowledged as important enough to bother killing. its pointed out often how subaru and kamui are so similar, with how fuuma killed kotori, and how theyre both kindhearted ro a fault. its an intentional reflection. subaru even pulls kamui out of a similar depressive state after kotori dies. he and kamui have a whole heart to heart about how some peoples happiness can look pitiful to others and how hes going to fufill his goals even when other people are worried for him. and most importantly about how not everyone can be happy with an outcome. i think it would have been really good for subaru to represent someone overcome with depression about how awful the world is and paralyzed with that sadness and kamui would be the rightous anger and compassion needed to actually change the world. “lets this radicalize you rather than lead you to despair” you know? it would have been a really good parallel considering part of x’s themes are literally about having compassion for humanity. but that reading possibly shoots itself in the foot because the language used wrt the two possible futures are things to stay as they are or for a “revolution” to occur, meaning killing everyone to let the earth heal. so ideas of change are insinuated to be connected with the seven angels and genocide. which uh. not going to get into that.

i do like when he starts going to the clamp school he goes back to being shy and quiet and kind of gets pushed around by people with more force of personality. very fun uncomfortably relatable. its ok man im extremely passive too.

anyway final thoughts kamui needs more passion. clamp give me the rights. also let subaru and kamui hang out and have a brotherly bond. no creepy shit. just subaru being an akward older brother that knows what kamuis going thru and gives bad advice bc he has god awful coping mechanisms.

side note we arent ever told about his likes/dislikes hobby or anything of that nature. the blankest of slates. so my city now. i think hes into obscure indie music and has thousands of hours in various life sim games like animal crossing and stardew valley.

[poetic-beats]

You'll be ok. If you feel your not, You can talk to me. Take care of yourself.

Thank you so much <3  I am just overwhelmed by everything right now.  Like my partner having no job by January. My mental health. My physical health like this year so far I’ve been told I have CNS dysfunction and FGID. I am being tested for Celiac. Oh and they found cysts on my ovaries then they tested and said it wasn’t what it could’ve been and now because of issues I’ve had my female GP who handles my contraception which is due up in January wants me to have another uhh thing to check the cysts and have another blood test because turns out I could actually have it..and it could affect my chances to have children naturally - I know what it was like for my mum she has the same condition and so if i have it I’m scared even though things are different now they know more and have better options its still like D: It is like seriously though I’ve got two new things wrong with me although they havent yet like found the cause of the CNS dysfunction all the specialist could say is I hit some markers for Fibromyalgia but not enough but in her medical professional opinion I do have some form of CNS dysfunction but just not likely fibromyalgia my mum took me to see this specialist first purely because she has Fibro herself so she thought well lets start with an appointment with a rheumatologist who would like be able to check for fibro and a few other condtions. So I kinda need to like now see I think the next step is a neuropsychologist but like I’ve been so stressed and ill right now trying to fight for my mental health treatment/therapy so I’ve not been like exactly thinking about making appointments for the CNS stuff. But it is impacting me it makes me get involuntary like twitches/jerks it feels like a jolt like a little electric jolt i guess down my body but not painful as such but it just makes my body go like suddenly my arms jerked to the left or Ive thrown the food in my hand across the room because my arm/wrist/hand w/e has suddenly twitched or w/e but sometimes i get the like electric like w/e feeling its hard to explain it like across my whole body from my head to my toes and at that point it can lead to me just sort of on and off twitching a bit more like less aggressively but more often in a space of time i usually end up sleeping it off so idk really I pretty much just always pass out asleep when I get that kind of feeling. And like I wanna do stuff to like help ease his worries about money and the burden on him to support us financially and support me emotionally. But I’m not fit to work like not even a minor part time job really because I’d be so unreliable with the way my body is. I am also affected by sensory issues and other things so it’s just not I couldnt realistically right now engage in work for someone.  So I am trying to do like online things but I don’t...I...just I am getting kinda overwhelmed by that too. Cos I dont know where to start what to do. Like I do but I dont you know? I mean...idk...Ive sold 3 pairs of sloth socks which was cool in the past like 2 weeks or is it 3 now since like i started like really seriously uploading to redbubble like before that I kept like uploading then removing my designs trying out different sites and so on I was trying to figure it out but I do now have it kinda figured out so that’s something. But now its like I’ve gotta get people to my freakin’ redbubble and its hard cos how an earth do i drive people to check out my store from the millions of others on the site. But also like I dont wanna like.. Idk I feel like and even though I have explained my situation on here I still kinda feel like I try to do it in a like not serious asking for help way in that i dont want it to come off as idk like I dont wanna be that person where its like i dont wanna be coming off as oh please help me feel sympathy towards me and feel sorry for me or pity me bs. I dont wanna be like appearing to be all I’m in desperate need pls help signal boost or buy to support me. Cos I’m not you know I have my parents to help we’ll be moving back in hopefully before xmas where I won’t have to pay rent. For me this is more about you know when my parents aren’t there I need to have an income for me and my partner hes disabled too...so full time jobs for the both of us is not likely especially if his EDS (edlher danlos syndrome) gets worse ya know?  So I suppose my worries arent like of imminent threat of anything but more like in the future we’ll be fucked if i cant set down the foundations now for the potential for a long term income from various online strategies. But just even thinking about the future and that far ahead fucking terrifies me.  Not only because of all this but because I never really thought about the future I didnt see one for myself as far as I was concerned I’d be dead or I’d be just...idk I couldnt even imagine a future or if I thought I’d make it I wouldnt really care you know because I didnt have like that light in me to want to live so it wasnt like I wanted to survive and thrive and i couldnt see a ‘happy ending’ for myself and now i can and I want to make that come true but of course its a bit hard to envisage a nice happy future with Kade when literally everything depends on having money to eat and have a roof over our heads etc and its just..UGH

I feel like trash too because I feel like my worth is valued by my output/labour and at the moment my output isn’t really bringing in cash right now so my output wouldnt exactly be deemed as ‘good’ idk its just weird its not like an I feel worthless thing like depression low self esteeem shit its more just a sort of social cultural consensus/belief that is ingrained that we are not really worth anything unless we’re contributing to society i.e working , paying taxes and buying things to reinvest in our economy etc etc..everything is about how much a human is worth in value of £ssss to big corporations and governments and rich people and idk its just like...they do have a point you know i cant just sit around and not do anything to contribute..because..then i feel like you know im not ‘sick enough’ to warrant that so im just in this limbo i guess completely self enforced by my mind which just makes it all the stupider but it is what it is. Venting this out has helped clear my mind some cos i mean at least its now out there in this void than just bouncing around my brain. Its why i write poetry too I guess idk why I just feel a release less tension SOMETIMES not all the time but sometimes it can help ease even if only slightly the chaos of my mind to just get it out there whether by chatting in person or writing it out like this just having it out there venting to someone or on a blog where people will read knowing like its not isolated within you still its relieving sometimes. So thanks for messaging me!  I hope you are having a good day so far! Idk timezones or where u r so it could be early there for you maybe your day is just starting..who knows! Its 2:37pm where I am right now though so I need to work  or try to...(yet again me feeling if i dont work constantly I be like failing at life) lol

[milkcartlyn]

Wayward son playlist analyzation:

Eyes off you: It literally repeats “I can’t be sadddd. Sadddd” ITS SUPER DEPRESSING “I can’t take my eyes off you” “It’s dark it’s dark it’s dark” “Now you’re on your own” I’m guessing Simon thinks he can’t be sad? Like he’ll bring everyone else down?? Either way something isn’t right Also it’s a very good song 10/10 would listen again Afraid of nothing: Why is this so depressing wtf “I NEED YOU TO BE AFRAID OF NOTHING” WTH IS EVERYONE OK?? Omg what is happening is Simon like depressed or something???? IS BAZ DEPRESSED BECAUSE IF SO I WILL BE DEPRESSED AND NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE WILL HURT HIM OK This cannot be good for my mental health I’m crying while eating craft Mac and cheese someone send help Don’t stop believing: JUST A SMALL TOWN GURLLLL LIVIN IN A LONELY WORLLLDDDD Sorry I felt like i had to Yeah this is uplifting Hopefully the next song isn’t depressing like the first two... Lol what if Baz is trying to cheer up Simon or something Why did I say lol that’s not even funny what is wrong with me curse my sardonic sense of humor

DONT STOP BELIEVING (Again, I’m sorry) Plot twist: this is all during finals week at university It would be accurate tbh Sim Sala Bim: I have no idea what to think It’s so...weird??? Uh oh So reading up on the meaning or whatever  (wow great language skills) I found out it’s apparently suspected to be about someone leaving another person relationship wise??? Long story short they leave because they are only thinking of themself and then leave a mark on the other person but then feel terrible and like they ruined their own life Aleister Crowley, this is not good. ITS ABOUT A BREAKUP AND FEELING EMPTY AFTERWARDS *hyperventilates* I really hope either A) this is about Micah and penny or someone other than snowbaz but still really not Micah and penny because I would die for them and they deserve better (please let us meet micah rainbow!!) Orrrrr B) it’s actually not about a breakup in the story and everyone is happily committed in a relationship and no one breaks up and everyone gets married to their respected partners and lives a joyful and fulfilled life Pleaseeeeee rainbow WHYYY Chicago: Seriously SERIOUSLY “I fell in love again. All things go, all things go” *dramatically sighs* I really hope this is in here because they go to Chicago in America since rainbow said they were gonna go to America Ok so after reading up on the song, yeah it’s not *as* depressing as I thought so phew It’s literally about being in Chicago and exploring and having fun while being free Finally some good news A Horse With No Name: Um it’s a travel song about being in a desert? I’m really not 100% sure what this is about but it also said something about rehabilitation for being a drug addict? Pretty sure that’s not gonna be in Wayward Son If anyone has anything to add on this please do I’m kinda sorta really confused Sonsick: So it’s about wanting a child? Maybe?? WILL SNOWBAZ WANT TO ADOPT?? Wait It’s about someone being with a guy and then he wasn’t far enough ahead in their relationship and she just wanted a child while he wasn’t that committed in the first place... Not a good sign (Good song tho!) Middle Cyclone: *sighs* Of course It’s about wanting love Why am I somehow not surprised Get out the map: Very country Don’t really know what to think Lol maybe they are lost and need to... “Get out the map” Thank you, I’ll be here all night Why do also I have a feeling simon is the one who refuses to stop for directions while baz is the one constantly pestering Simon to pull over and get directions? It’s alright now: Happy song yayyyy “It’s alright now” Let’s hope so because right now I’m not alright Sun shy (acoustic): Happy love song Yay It’s about a happy loving relationship and wanting to be there for each other and to come close to one another That’s a good sign right?? I’m desperate ok? Watch me: Happy song again “I’m falling but not so far” This could be about Simon or baz For Simon, it could be about him doing better since killing the mage since he’s obviously had a lot of support (from baz, penny, and his therapist)

For Baz, it could be about him recovering his self esteem and starting to truly except himself for who he is no matter what Natasha would have thought. Maybe his dad even starts to acknowledge his queerness, who knows? Sinnerman: It was a song Not much to say It was good tho Please help add more The Partisan: French* It has a sad vibe Makes me sad Now, Now: I’m worried “You don’t mean that...say you’re sorry” This could mean that maybe a fight occurs between two characters but it’s hard to say Lawyers, Guns, and Money: It’s a rock song Not much I mean I guess it’s happy? Give out: Sad songggg Very saadddddd How Shall I Love Thee?:

RED ALERT WEEEE OOO WEEE OOO THIS SONG IS SAD I THINK SOMEONE IS DEAD IT SAYS: “How shall I love thee when you are gone?” THATS NOT GOOD DEFINITELY NOT GOOD FAR FROM BEING GOOD

Can’t find my way home: This song... It’s about someone dying... And they don’t have much time left Ugh this book is gonna make me cry my eyes out Carry on my wayward son: As sad as ever... I hope this doesn’t end in flames _____________________________________________ After thoughts: This book will be the end of me I want my grave to cool though “In memory of the person who literally spent 4 hours going through 20 songs on a Spotify playlist” Originally there was a song on the playlist called Mother by Tori Amos that said “he’s gonna change my name” which I thought to be a proposal from either Simon or baz but she took it off the playlist sadly It was also a very sad song and number seventeen on the playlist All in all I’m gonna die because of this book If you would like to add to this, please do! I would like to hear everyone else’s opinions and theories on the playlist and Wayward Son! Also sorry this is so long

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Yall know i love this survey shit<3

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

-finish 5 books

-lose 20 lbs

-produce more art

-travel out of the state & country

-heal my heart and love myself a lil more

2. What color are your pants?

not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote.

damn, there’s A L O T. prob something simple and to the point. I like “proud, but never satisfied” and “the distance between your dreams and reality is called action”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

yesterday; got a new french press for christmas<3

5. What was the last thing you ate?

lmao the weirdest shit. hot cheetos, some hummus, and a bar

6. Favorite animal.

soo many; always been fascinated by sharks. Elephants are up there too.

7. Favorite song.

currently anything Kid Cudi - he soothes my soul

8. Last movie you watched?

National Lampoon family vacation I think?

9. Any turn ons?

of course; im one of those gay people who gets turned on by having an emotional connection first and foremost; but if were strictly talking physical shit - any neck action is sexy af. or just taking breaks to make eye contact.

10. Any turn offs?

bad breath lol and just being a dick in general or inconsiderate

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

cognizant; superfluous; compelling; anguished

12. What are some meaningful movies?

First ones that come to my mind that left an impact or a meaningful message are Shawshank Redemption, Avatar, Wall-E (lol), Forest Gump

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

Myself honestly 

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Find a desk, order a blender, and form a morning routine

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Currently reading Michelle Obama’s -Becoming; before that I read the Alchemist and it was good

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Pollo, Hayls

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Viva la Juicy, but honestly all of them - been sticking to essential oils or all natural shit lately - anything with Amber is good.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

yes<3

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

lol shower? I dont really do anything special i dont think?

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

“Becoming” lol because I feel like I am always growing and changing and adapting and learning and ill never just be one thing

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Recently - christmas time

23. Are you a shopaholic?

no - but i just got an amazon prime account and thats game changer fa real

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Love - Kid Cudi, 

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Sitting in the tub (otherwise that shit is too crowded lmao)

Reading a good book

Masturbating prob?

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Tropical island

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

cuddles and soft music (prob reggae) and if i aint got shit to do a bluntttt fam

28. How was your day? What did you do?

it was ok - fighting some inner demons lately and feeling really low :/ but i got a little bit done so im giving myself a break

29. What did your last text message say?

“bye”

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

depends on who it is lol

31. Who was the last person you called?

my mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

i wanna learn another language

I wish to be able to see more things change for the better in our world

i wish to skydive

i wish to live in another country for a while

and i wish to love myself

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

maybe being a host of a talk show lol

34. Winter or summer?

both

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

empathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

my inner white girl and materialistic ass says shoes - but idk i think it would also be cool to have a collection of books or photographs - ya know that sentimental shit i be on

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

wow so much - a lot of reflecting honestly about who i have been and how i’ve treated others and how i am trying to change myself - so ironically enough, i’ve also been thinking about the future and trying to focus on who i want to be and where i want to be

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

taking it day by day im sure

39. What are some phrases you say often?

“nice” lol to my clients a lot

40. Favorite food?

lately its been asian - like thai and vietnamese. fuck now i want some dumplings and curry and egg rollllz

41. List 3 wishes.

already fuckin diiiiiddd fam

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

memory loss, dying, losing others

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

idk whats app prob

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? 

machu picchu

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? 

LOVE

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends

47. Do you like to travel?

Do you know me lol

48. Any regrets?

yeah always, but i try to live my life without any and honestly id never go back and change em

49. Do you like rain?

obsessed; fav weather actually

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

past bc im a sentimental person; future is exciting and i like surprises and the unknown and dreaming about that shit - id rather not know.

52. Favorite clothing store?

depends - urban outfitters is my style but i like goodwill just as much

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

this too shall pass

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

honestly not often enough, i try not to over think things or it tends to give me anxiety. why worry about things that are far out of our control? I just take shit day by day

55. What angers you the most?

ignorance. and rude ass people. when someone isnt being genuine

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

yesterday

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

today

58. Are you good at lying?

im sure everyone is to some degree

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

spanish

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

just one - semi fluent in spanish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

lol 

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

not sure! I have a couple but we shall see

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

yes i try to - its my fav meal

64. Tell us a secret.

then it wouldnt be a secret

65. How many concerts have you been to?

a few

66. Last hug?

wasnt long enough

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

myself

68. Baths or showers?

ooooooh damn, depends

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

i could be a little more

70. What song is stuck in your head?

lmaooo wake up in the sky by gucci mane and bruno - thats been my shit lately

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Peru, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Caymans, Philippines

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication and laughter

73. What helps you to sleep better?

putting my got dang phone away from me

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

prob like 2 grand or some shit

75. What makes you nervous?

when i over book myself or take too much on and have a lot on my plate - so time management i suppose

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

to live in the present moment; and to take care of myself 

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive for sure - i dont really ever forget

78. First mobile phone?

ayyy a flip phone and it was see thru and lit up and had a walkie talkie!

79. Strangest dream?

lmao ew no im so ashamed

80. Best dream?

flying or something

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

my grandpa it seems

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

idk

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

very much, always

84. Who do you love? Why?

everyone, because life is too damn short for hate

85. Do you like sharing?

yeah lol bc i expect ppl to share w me in return

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

idk actually

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

yeah id like to think so

88. Favorite genre of music?

i was raised on hip hop so i feel like that is my go to but honestly i love reggae, alternative, a lil bit of electro chill shit, R&B, oldies, jazz, anything 

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Understanding

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

roller coaster. fun. emotional. loving. growth.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

crazy. beautiful. strong. vast.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

skinny dip?

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

cocaine model - zhu

is this love - bob marley

tadow - masego

94. Are you more creative or logical?

def without a doubt 100% creative/emotional/empath/sensative/does things based on feelings rather than reason type person lmao

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

truth always

96. What are you most proud of?

my ability to communicate and understand people

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

strength/humility 

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

smoking a fat ass blunt doing yoga on a sunny day while its 68 degrees out and im on a beach 

[thrufiyah]

Midnight Sept 28 2021 12:30am

Midnight thoughts

Finally got babygirl to go to sleep hopefully she’ll stay asleep. Homeboy over here dont even know I got up or that I’m sitting up typing rn ha smh. Anyway... honestly... lately been feeling lonely but with support if that makes sense...

Lots of paperwork here to fill out reg benefits, insurance, etc but it’s working out gradually. might be able to get a cabin soon for my own lil fam so we’ll see how that works out and we plan to move next year so we’ll see how that works out too... 

kinda leaning towards going our own way bc its a lotta hands involved and the left doesn’t always know what the right is doing or diff views on everything kinda confusing rn but itll work out

def an adjustment period. but just kinda feel lonely bc not rly anyone to talk to about honest thoughts? honestly? sometimes doubting... but excited in planning? now that were officially getting our own room to fill up w our own stuff is kinda sorta cool but not sure how it will go when the weather is bad

just gonna just keep typing as i go until i get rudely interrupted. lol

kinda bummed that i won’t be able to do this once lo arrives bc thatll be two bebes to constantly watch and never have time for myself

i always told myself not to have kids until i was financially stable and i broke the one promise to myself...... the one thing i didn’t want for my life..... but GOD you make a way when there’s no way

what else... worried about bebe growing if she’s ok normal all parts eating enough growing enough just idk.. always gonna be wondering... 

ill even be wondering when both kids grow up and things will come up like disabilities along the way and that scares me. not in the fact that i can’t handle it but how their life will be as they grow up

just hoping they have everything that they need and grow up happy and feel loved all the time and able to express themselves....

my patience does run thin these days but maybe its my hormones? but again maybe not lol haha

wow everytime i come back here i feel different and im always at a different stage in my life. 

missing my family in the way of how they remind me of who i am and where i came from they say ive grown up and that im independent but idk how much of that is really true

what else... dont rly talk to anyone much either... if anything it’s hb’s mom and then hb and even that isn’t much

daylight savings time is diff - sun didn’t go down until 7pm-8pm and it felt different. finally found my favorite grocery store that gives me a little piece of home and got to see a new side of town with the shops near the mall.. that was exciting lol

it’s really such a trip how much of a stop life is at the moment rn but i guess its a way to tell me we got to slow down hashtag cashaley haha

teddyswims and allenstone were dope on that yt video though lol

i oughta listen to more music to mellow out! haha. DEF need my own headphones or earpods... which HB didn’t give away my freakin mpower flames... lol. but headphones be hurting my ears but also i be needing them sometimes to chill or watch a movie

idk what the future holds but im holding on jesus lol im holding on....

hmm what else. lately ive been WAY TOO addicted to chocolate... and hmm what else... i need a journal just for notes like shopping lists, to do lists... etc.

glad im back in the tumblr and pinterest world lol. but pinterest to me seem like fleeting dreams and a whole lotta money mama does NOT have haha

hoping my work visa comes in soon so that i can apply for the residency one in december as soon as baby is born lol. 

i can’t believe i dont remember if i bled a lot or not after giving birth last year... but last year was such a year of turmoil trials and tribulations... so to me i get it.. but yeah anyway

it’s weird... i feelike im here and not here.. maybe bc of lockdown and now in level 3 but a lot of empty dreams happening! but goals are def being met and worked on and completed so i can’t complain about that

i get worried everyday if bebe in there is still kicking so many horrifying and sad stories around the world its just no way to protect your kids idek

as far as self care... i was kind of doing it but at least im cleaning more and helping around the house more? i just hope im not slacking where it’s most important

what else.... hm.... what else is on my mind tonight. body be SORE LIKE A MF. from having to be a 25/8 366 day arm pillow, having huge ass legs to lay on my side, damn i miss my side lmao, to having to share a freakin blanket lmao.

idk just a lot going on and not rly any outlet to do. this mf still aint notice im sitting here lol anyway

what else is on my mind.... for some reason i really wanna find more haircare stuff lol. i need pa’us lol and rubberbands, scrunchies, bins, what else... idek but i need it alll please and thank you lol

babygirl is kod rn so cute but baby just dont move sleep peacefully by yourself for now haha

anyway we’ll find out this week if we’re gonna move to the next chapter and hopefully nana approves of our new plan idek

what else... i swear i clean up and two seconds later its a mess again in here

trying not to be too paranoid about stuff in here but it gets to me when they all start to puss ugh yuck fkn gross man but well get by maybe the nzbugs aint used to american fat skin haha

fitness is something im def looking forward to out here... kinda need to go for walks more often whether its just down the street or the small park nearby which here is called the bush lol

dont even get me startttttted on vocabulary... lets see what ive learned so far here...

bush / wop wops - foresty tree area, gumboots - rainboots, jumper - jacket or longsleeve? dairy/superette - small convenience store not connected to a gas station, what else... rubbish - trash... idek cant think of anything else... oh chocolate is specifically chocolate and lollies are gummies and others i guess... newspaper rolling for all food leftover or compost i guess... idk thats all i can think of for now

what else..... that was GROSS bruh. haha tay said don’t lose your venacular... lol. maybe if i keep listening to throwbacks that remind me of home...

ok i feel better i guess now that i wrote down some thoughts gonna try to put these clothes away and then get some rest for tomorrow

kbye!

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to. 

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self. 

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever. 

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have. 

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter. 

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to. 

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support. 

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best 

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini. 

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger. 

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me? 

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive. 

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi. 

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep. 

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both. 

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school. 

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories. 

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen. 

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it. 

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan. 

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf! daniel

a/n; happy birthday to kang choding hehe,, dedicated for my dearest mother @mongniel aurora until she disowned me so im trying to validate myself and also the loyal mom, ariane @deepdickdaniel

(repost bc the tags werent working)moodboard will be uploaded in a seperate post soon!

major: vetinary

minor: sports science

honestly took up vetinary bc of peter and rooney

so he could save on the fees to the vet

though he puts up a strong front he is often a kultz and actually really soft??

likes kids too and often swings by the early childhood department to visit minhyun

but let’s face it, animals like him better than the babies do

has a phobia of insects, especially flying ones

hence cant join practical lessons that involves specimen or live insects

his classmates would be kind enough to share with him the notes they took in class, but he would rather fail the topic than look at notes of insects

there was once his friend, ong threw a fake spider whilst daniel was studying and he screamed, pushing off the seemingly 1 ton table and chair away from him

ong was like,,, “are you sure he wants to be a vet next time”

despite his phobia of insects, he will actually grin and bear it when he needs to remove lice from animals

red bull and gummy addict, but more likely to die of shock from insects than diabetes

you will always spot a can of red bull on his lecture desk, and bet 10 bucks it has a love note attached to it from his admirers

fairly popular in school, because a soft, tall and cute guy doing vetinary?? he just screams boyfriend material in that white lab coat

and glasses slipping down his nosebridge just makes him look even more cuter

loves dancing as a hobby so he took it up as his minor

does b-boying and modern dance, looks equally hot in both

when the school hall is filled with girls, it is either some kpop boy band is performing, or daniel and his dance group, wanna one are performing

has so much charisma in his dancing, the idea of “cute daniel” gets thrown away

but a cute bunny most of the time who is addicted to gummies

surprisingly, hasn’t dated a lot as contrast to rumours that he’s a fuckboy

he really hates fucking around with others’ feelings… despite being choding(childish) around his hyungs of wanna one

meanwhile you,, a medicine student trying to keep up with the expectations of society

to be honest, you’re doing well

but not well enough to enter the top hospitals of seoul

and you’re here on scholarship anyway, might as well make use of it to make your parents proud

you’re your parents’ only child too, the pressure to do well is also quite high

you barely dated, the only time was in high school where you were a foolish teenager dating your best friend

you did have classmates confessing to you though, but everything stayed platonic

they weren’t upset surprisingly, they were more than willing to be friends with you too

eventually they found their other halves, but are still good friends with you

you were glad guys in your faculty were understanding,, unlike some that disliked you after that

you were friends with jaehwan, your old friend since the both of you were in diapers

he took up music, and ended up having lots of college scholarship offers

he eventually went to your college, despite it not one of his first few choices

“my friend would die a lonely virgin if i didnt help her with her love life”

“shut up jaehwan, 80% of your girlfriends broke up with you because your laugh is annoying”

“i dId NOT aSk for this sLaNdEr”

anyway, you had no idea how jaehwan ended up in wanna one(and daniel’s roomate), depite his “boom boom-bastic” dance skills

winkwonk

but that boy’s vocals can reach to the gods in heaven and appease them

he tried to matchmake you with all of the members of wanna one(excluding the minors of course) but it all failed because your friend was the worst at being discreet

the lords of venus eventually shined upon you when daniel was sent to your faculty for “emergency” treatment

“y/n,,, we need you to fix daniel, quick.” jaehwan said breathlessly over the phone

“if he needs a one night stand, im not an option, you know that, kim jaehwan.”

“no, that stupid boy accidentally cut himself while trying to disect a frog… and he’s bleeding a lot.”

“oh the flower boy from vetinary?” you nodded as you took your first aid kit, “but you aren’t even majoring in vetinary, jaehwan, what are you doing with daniel?”

“he called me to call you– ok nevermind, i’ll explain to you later, we’re on our way to your faculty. wait for us outside the medicine labs.”

“uh okay.”

so there you were, waiting outside the medicine labs with your first aid kit

seconds later, you saw 3 boys running towards you, one visibly taller than the other 2

you could finally make out their faces, it was jaehwan, daniel and another boy, wonwoo whom you were friends with due to jaehwan’s failed matchmaking

“y/n,, i think daniel is gonna suffer from anaemia…”

you tried to stifle your laughter as you examined the cardigan wrapped around daniel’s hand

“he won’t. don’t worry.” you assured them as you unraveled the cardigan, “let’s just hope it’s nothing too deep…”

when you revealed the wound, it was just a minor cut, though not as minor as a paper cut but definitely bleeding

you glared at jaehwan, who smiled sheepishly and resigned to his death after you treated daniel

you dressed the wound quickly, lips pursed in concentration

what you didnt notice was daniel’s gaze, which was on you the whole time

he had a weird feeling in his stomach, he wanted to use his other hand to run it through your hair

he tried to shake it off, but he got more and more attracted to you when he saw your eyes meeting his to make sure he isnt uncomfortable

this wasnt the first time daniel saw you though, he often saw you on jaehwan’s lockscreen, as your friend had set the selca both of you took as his lockscreen

as much as daniel wanted to meet you, he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression because of his rumours

and now he finally did, but he was pretty sure you’re gonna hate him for being over-reacting

“done,” you patted his dressing and pushed his hand towards him, “it’s nothing too deep, don’t worry. but make sure to take it off when you’re showering, if you need any help just give me a call.”

daniel shot you one of his signature eyesmiles, “thank you so much, i’m sorry i had to make you rush down for me…”

“no its fine! just call me whenever. i hope you get well soon.” you smiled, then tiptoed to daniel’s ear, “just don’t tell jaehwan though, he can be a little, nosey.”

you were lying if you said daniel wasn’t attractive and totally did not win you over with his eyesmile in the span of 3 seconds

“and kim jaehwan, you owe me a meal. for helping your friend and putting up with your drama.”

at this point, daniel was totally smitten

everyone could see it, even the members of wanna one started teasing him about it

“i can set you up with a date with y/n if you want–”

“no i dont like her peter and rooney are my girlfriends”

daniel totally did not ask almost everyone in his faculty for your number

when he finally had the guts to text you, he was all giddy when you replied, jumping up whenever he heard the personalized notification just for your contact

meanwhile, while you were talking to daniel, you really loved it when he talks about animals, it seemed like all time has stopped in the world and his passion for taking care of animals is just so attractive

and he didnt seem like the usual fuckboy everyone perceived him to be

one day, daniel asked you out for a pizza date, and you immediately agreed

because free pizza and a cute date, why not

the both of you ended up going to laundry pizza, just bc daniel said ioi went there to take their album jacket photos there LOL

but the pizza there was good so you weren’t complaining

daniel ended up paying for the both of you, after 15 minutes of rentless argument over who should pay

the both of you also went to the arcade, wasting your money on those claw machines

you didn’t get anything, but you had fun throwing airballs at the basketball machine thingy

daniel walked you back pretty early, because he knew you had a morning lecture the next morning

not gonna lie, you wanted to stay longer but daniel was not gonna have any of it

daniel walked you till your doorstep, and your hands were fumbling through your purse for your keys

looks like someone forgot their keys,,,

you laughed humourlessly as you tried to open the locked door, but only for daniel to giggle along with you

your roomate was out too, and she wouldn’t be back till the next morning

“i dont think its safe for you to be sleeping outside, why dont you stay over at my place?”

“im–”

“ok let’s go”

you didnt even say anything and here you are, at daniel’s dorm, unsure of what to do

just watching daniel hastily clean up his dorm is quite amusing

“jaehwan wont be back till really late, he has an event to attend to.” daniel smiled as he proceeeds to kick the sweet wrappers under the sofa, “i’m sorry you have to put up with this, y/n.”

“no, no, thank you for letting me stay here, or i’ll be freezing in the cold right now.” you shook your head, yawning

“do you want a change of clothes? i have a hoodie you can wear…hopefully”

you never knew you would be staying in daniel’s dorm, on his bed, in his hoodie

until today

you slept fairly well, with daniel’s scent invading all your senses

until you felt something on your foot

you woke up, scared

the thing kept probing at your feet, and soon it was licking it

you screamed, and soon enough daniel ran into his room to see what happned

“y-y/n?” he rubbed his eyes as he turned on the lights, “what happened?”

“s-something was at my foot”

daniel moved the sheets, and he found rooney peacefully sleeping on the foot of the bed

“i’m sorry, rooney always likes to invade the bed in the middle of the night,,, i should’ve told you earlier”

“it’s fine, i was just too shocked hahaha”

silence

“maybe i’ll sleep with you, so peter and rooney wont disturb us”

you stared at daniel, as he quickly waved his hands, “no, no, i wont do anything, i swear, you can end me if i do.”

neither of you could sleep, so daniel nudged you

“y/n… i know its weird to say this but,, i like you”

well that was really weird

“i don’t expect you to accept me and all but i just wanna let you know that i–”

you cut daniel off with a kiss, as he sneakily snaked his arms around your waist to bring you closer

after a good like, 20 seconds, you pulled away, “me, rejecting kang daniel?? no way.”

ever since the both of you started dating, jaehwan started to brag about himself, saying that the both of you were a couple thanks to him,,,

but would shut up immediately after he sees you in the vicinity because he would be running away from you

a very cute relationship, daniel would always wrap his arms around your shoulders and snuggle you close to him

instant ramen dates are a big thing and you always have to clean up after daniel

but he helps of course, after hearing you nag at him for the nth time

he would always make you a bento before your papers, with a note that says, “with this bento, you will do well! fighting! love, daniel”

and vice versa, you would bake him muffins too

sweetest boyfriend, but the type to say pick up lines to annoy the heck out of you

they arent even smooth, theyre hella bad

and yes, kang choding still exists

you have to physically stop him from buying/eating more gummies or his teeth would rot

since daniel is relatively bigger in size, you would always steal his clothes and he would always wonder how his clothes would mysteriously go missing

he would know the answer when he sees you the next morning

the whole campus ships the both of you sm

please love kang daniel

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

"Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

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Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

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...............

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I am a 16 year old in NY and my parents do not want me to obtain a learner's permit because they are afraid that their insurance rates will go up and they cannot afford it now. Now, a friend told me that I could go to the NY DMV without my parents and get a learner's permit. Is this possible? I would like a learner's permit not only for the ability to drive, but also as a solid form of photo ID (like, instead of a passport). What should I do about this? PS. My parents won't be convinced.""

Where can I get cheap bike insurance?

I'm having trouble getting a decent quote for my ZX7R, due to my no claims being void becase I haven't ridden for 4 years. Can you help?""

What is the average annual/weekly contents insurance cost?

What is yours or what is the average?

Pregnant w/o insurance.?

I am 6 weeks pregant and do not have insurance. I don't qualify for medicaid anymore because I make too much money, like 1000 over. The problem is that I can't work less or we can't pay our bills. Does anyone know how I can get insurance while I am pregnant??""

Rental car insurance -- what does it cover?

We are going to Vegas in a few days and are renting a car. Since this car is going to be in and out of parking garages, I think it's a good idea to buy the rental car insurance @ $ 10.99 a day. Say while the car is in the parking garage and someone scratches or dings the door, would this insurance cover it? That's all I'm really worried about.""

Is there some sort of reason that Car Insurance costs so much more in Nevada than it does in California?

Im looking into moving, and I cannot help but notice that the quotes I am getting are, well, DOUBLE what I pay in California. Granted, I am a 23 year old male and have a decent driving record, it is kind of shocking to see liability only coverage quoted at $250/month for my two 8 and 12 year old cars, when Im paying $125/mo. as of now in California for the same 100/300 coverage. Can someone explain this? I have some friends that have moved to Las vegas, with the same shocking increase in premiums... (And yes, I need the 100/300 since I own a home)""

Proof Of Car Insurance?

I never owned a car, nor have I need to car insurance. I see I need Proof Of Insurance, How can I bypass proof of insurance when registering/buying a car from a dealership, etc?""

Insurance companies will have 32 million new customers because of Obamacare. How is this socialism?

The Affordable Care Act was modeled after a Republican health care plan by the Heritage Foundation and was first implemented by a Republican governor. All this bill does is makes sure that insurance companies have 32 million new customers. I could understand if you called Single Payer socialism (which I highly support), but calling Obamacare socialist is pretty stupid.""

Smart roadster uk insurance.?

Slight problem, was looking up TPFT insurance quotes for a smart roadster: 500 excess. 7000 yearly premium. 7500 annuall mileage. The car's only worth 8500 it has a 0.7L engine. How do they justify this price gouging?""

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old?

How much would car insurance be for a 16 year old female with a convertible volkswagen?

Can I get medi-cal if I already have health insurance?

I am insured with blue shield in California, and just found out I'm pregnant. My insurance doesn't cover prenatal care. I know my income qualifies me for California's medi-cal coverage for pregnant women, but will having insurance make it so that I won't qualify for medi-cal? Also, my live in boyfriend makes more than the income cap. Will that affect things? I just want to make sure I get some sort of medical care.""

Car insurance quotes?

when i turn 17 (few months) and hopefully pass my test 'm going to most likely going to get a ford fiesta however ive already looked at claims on multiple cars including the fiesta type i will probably get and every quote is around 5000-7000 so i was wondering if i should (give the car to my mum or dad) and get insured on them for a considerable lower price as the car im looking at is around 2000-3000 im not a boy racer or anything so im not gonna mod the car or rag it rotten i was wondering if i will be able to get away with it or should i just get insured on a car that costs less than the insurance? Thanks all that answer

Can I add a person to my insurance if i dont own the car?

Okay, my live in boyfriend just got a car and is leasing it through an auto dealer, and making payments. The car is in his name. I would like to know if he can be added to my insurance policy? Does the car have to be in my name to be on my insurance policy?""

Can i switch over car insurance to new car/ Montana to Wisconsin?

I had insurance for my old car when i was living in Montana, liability coverage or whatever is the cheapest. I got rid of my old car, moved to Wisconsin and bought a new (used) car. Can i switch my insurance over to the new car i bought? I got my insurance through AAA> Any advice would be helpful>thanks""

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Where can a marijuana smoker get affordable life assurance?

it depends on if your a heavy smoker or just smoke a few times. if they ask for health records then you will be in a higher quote, but also when they ask you question on health and ...show more""

EMPLOYER INSURANCE VS OUTSIDE INSURANCE?

I work for a company that provides insurance through Health-net. Since the rates aren't that great (ya, what a surprise for Hyundai) I was wondering if could I deny the company insurance and just go with an outside provider? Or if I half to take what ever my company provides me.""

Can i get cheep insurance after being convicted of a 23140 in the California vehicle code?

I got pulled over more then a year ago and had a few beers with my best friend before he left for the armed services. I have the worlds brightest car and this probably wasn't the best idea. This happened 2 months before my 21st bday. My term to not have a licence is almost up and I am scared what my insurance is gonna look like. Does anyone know a way i can get cheep insurance or clear my driving record? Its only a infraction but will seriously mess up my life for the next 10 years. Any advice about programs insurance company s might have to lower costs so i can afford it when this period is up?

""What are my options, health insurance wise?""

I'm 19 and MassHealth is being a b**** and canceling my insurance. I got no job and I'm a full time student. Is there anyway to get insurance like this? I mean, Massachusetts must have something for people like me. Anyone else having this problem and have a solution? If so it would really help.""

How much is insurance for the Acura RSX?

I really want on badly but I'm concern about the costs. I am eighteen year old male and this will be my first car. I just got my license as well.

Is there an affordable health insurance plan?

Hey, I'm 17 years old and I have a baby. We both have MOLINA insurance. But my boyfriend who's 19 doesnt have any health insurance. He works full time and is about to be going to college part time. Well his wisdom teeth are coming in crooked and he cant get them fixed because it costs so much. Is there any health insurance plan that wont cost us an arm and a leg? And doesnt have a catch?""

Gap insurance on new auto?

what is the cost for gap insurance for honda acord 4 door sedan 06 year

Will this lower my insurance?

Im looking at cars to buy for my first car and I was wondering what the insurance cost would be like for a 16 almost 17 year old female for a 1979's 1980's camaro I also maintain a high gpa and get a discount for it aswell and live in las vegas.

""Where can I get cheap car insurance for a vw golf 1.4 51 reg? Im 17 and just passed, I'll b on parents policy?""

I will be on my parents policy, with a parent as the main driver and me as the named driver? Ive looked at tesco value and its coming up as 2500!!! i was hoping more along the lines of 1500""

Why does car insurance cost more in one state but is cheaper in another?

Why does car insurance cost more in one state but is cheaper in another?

Question about car insurance.?

Hi there I bought a car that is about 100 miles away, and is in another state. I will get a ride there to pick it up. But what do I do about insurance do I get some or other temp. insurance to drive it back to my home town? or do I get insurance where I buy it? What is the procedure in this case? Thank you""

Range Rover Insurance?

I know that insurance depend on a lot of factors however I'm just looking for a round about estimate for a 24 year old female with a clean driving record on a 2003 a range rover?

For a first time driver who is 28 who is good for cheap car insurance?

In the uk

Why is a five door car cheaper to insure than a 3 door car?

My father got a quote for a 5 door 1995 ford fiesta yesterday for 240. The previous car was also a fiesta of the same year and same engine but was a 3 door which cost 340 per year. We have had a 5 door ford fiesta before but that cost 340 per year as well, but the engine was the same and it was the same year. Why the difference in insurance cost between 3 and 5 doors?""

Can a financial advisor from AXA sell you New York life insurance?

I'd like to know if a financial advisor that works for AXA Advisors offer clients New York Life insurance products. Thanks in advance! I'm in CA by the way.

Insurance for honda civic?

Does anyone no how much insurance is for a Honda civic, I am 17. Do i have any hope of getting any?""

Car or 125cc motorcycle for 17 year old?

So I turn 17 soon and I was wondering whether to get a car or a 125. The main downside to getting a car is the driving lessons, it will probably end up costing 1000+ in just driving lessons/tests and is likely to take ages to past where as it takes a day to do the CBT to ride a bike. I am not interested in people saying Don't get a motorbike they're deathtraps! . So what should I do?""

Speeding ticket...how much will my insurance go up?

I received a speeding ticket. If found guilty of it, how much can I expect of an increase in my insurance premium? It is my first ticket. I have USAA insurance. It is a minor infraction. (1 point in here in Cali.) Thanks for the help!""

I am thinking of getting renters insurance. What is the cost of most average cost of most polices?

Live in a 2 story, downstairs apartment ground floor, one level., I have a doxie (weiner dog), my son who is an adult and my husband.""

Why is car insurance so expensive in the UK!?

So i'm not driving yet, only applied for a provisional, i'm age 17. But I thought why not try and figure out how much my insurance will be once i've passed and buy a car at roughly 1000, so I filled in all the details as accurate as possible on the compare websites and the cheapest yearly insurance price was 5600! How the hell am I suppose to afford this, am I doing something wrong haha :L""

How much does motorcyles insurance run??

I want to be an inexpensive bike to save gas money (like a ninja 250) and I'm curious how much laibility insurance is... my car insurance is only $30 a month and I have a perfect driving record, no accidents. thank you""

Will Hillary Clinton universal health care program force all Americans to pay for health insurance?

How will those who are unemployed pay for health insurance under her plan?

Help! Accident on motorcycle with no insurance.?

I was recently involved in an accident on my motorcycle with a Hertz rental car. I purchased the bike 9 days before the accident and was planning on adding the motorcycle to my car insurance policy. No one was hurt in the accident but a police report was filled out at the request of the rental company. I was wondering if insurance companies possibly have some kind of grace period for accidents a certain number of days before the policy is added, or if need be, transferred to the motorcycle. The rear bumper of the rental car was dented and the right rear lights were damaged. My motorcycle is fine. I live in California.""

Can my brother put me on his health insurance?

I have a illness. I started a new job and insurance won't kick in untill another three months. Can I be put on my brothers insurance? He has no children and he is not married. Plus he never uses it.

Jeep Wrangler Sahara insurance?

I am a 16 year old female... I want a 2004 Jeep Wrangler 4x4 Sahara as my first car. My mom seems to think the insurance is too high. Can anyone tell me whether the insurance on it would be super high or give me an average number for insurance? Would it be cheaper on a smaller car? thanks .xx

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

Tip cheap car insurance for one month only

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