#Its just been bugging me for years and at the very least I should learn more about my body | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wouldntyou-liketoknow · 1 year ago

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Day 6: Decapitation

(Disclaimer: none of the characters in this story belong to me. Janus, Remus, and any other mentioned Sides are the property of Thomas Sanders)

(Trigger Warnings: blades, slight physical violence, body horror, blood, acidic chemicals, skin-melting, snakes, slight mentions of food/drink, strong language. Please let me know if I missed anything.)

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13

As fluid as the Mind Palace typically was, two things always remained constant.

1. Tampering with Logan’s jars of Crofters in any way, shape, or form would result in truly devastating consequences.

2. Out of all the Sides, Janus was the best at corralling Remus. (Well, Logan was somewhat a close second, considering the information above. The Jam And/or Jelly Incident of 2019 had been the very first case of Remus actually learning his lesson.)

This was one of many things that Janus got to be smug about. . .as well as one of few things that he could be genuine about. Sure, Remus grated his nerves like no other at least sixty-nine percent of the time, but he’d had more than enough time to make the friendship between them strong and worthwhile and real. Hell, by now Janus would potentially wager that he knew Remus better than Remus knew himself.

Potentially.

It was now Autumn both inside and outside of Thomas’ brain, which meant Spooky SeasonTM was officially upon the Sides.

Now, while all the Sides appreciated Spooky SeasonTM, none of them could appreciate it quite like Remus. Mainly because this particular month gave him an actual excuse to take his horrific shenanigans and, on a scale from one to ten, crank them all the way up to OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING WHY DOES IT HAVE EYES WHERE THE MOUTH SHOULD BE AND MOUTHS WHERE THE EYES SHOULD BE—?!

Janus had been working in his garden (the secondary space off of his bedroom), making sure the pumpkins he’d been growing were good and ripe. There were twelve large gourds in this year’s harvest: enough for each Side to carve two of their own jack-o-lanterns. He’d also raised a few smaller-scale pumpkins that would meet their fates as a pie, a loaf of bread, and a batch of cookies.

He still had his ulterior motives, mind you. He figured this gesture would keep everyone busy for a while so he could focus on some dreadfully cunning schemes. . .plus enjoy some wine and binge his Addams Family collection without disturbance.

(As clever and devious as Janus was, this idea that a holiday tradition somehow wouldn’t end in chaos proved that while he did hold many of the brain cells in this operation, his grip on aforementioned brain cells occasionally wasn’t the firmest.)

Janus had just cut the last of his vegetable-masquerading fruit from its vine with a pair of pruning shears. He’d been in the middle of hefting it up, about to turn and place in his yard cart with the others when he heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps stampeding closer and closer and—

Even before he’d discovered a flash of green and black in his peripheral vision, he’d braced himself. He tried to pull off a graceful sidestep that would’ve made Bugs Bunny proud.

But it was still too late.

He felt foreign weight slam into his side.

He saw a metallic blur glinting, swinging right for his throat.

He heard a whooshing Snicker-Snack! which was accompanied by a sickening cRrrck-pop!

And then he was airborn with what seemed to be a lot more vertigo than usual for simply losing balance. An instinctual squawk barged its way through his lips as his face met the ground, trademark bowler hat flying off due to the impact.

“Heads up, Janny!” A familiar voice squealed, maniacal laughter somehow not drowning out Janus’ sigh.

“Right, because it just doesn’t make any sense to call out a warning before you take action.”

“Exactly!” Remus agreed, his mustachioed figure entering Janus’ field of vision, hefting a bloody axe over one shoulder.

The blood in question was a deep shade of gold, glowing and letting off a bit of steam. It wasn’t real blood, of course, as Janus wasn’t a corporeal person. That was why he didn’t feel any true pain from whatever Remus had just done to him. He and the other Sides could still feel pain, but it was just. . .a very different type from the human pains that Thomas could feel.

“What’s your game today?” Janus asked, using the supremely uninterested tone of voice he always used when trying to play off a slight. “Have you already gotten bored with trying to catch Logan off guard?” He knew it was pointless to ask why Remus had singled him out. Since the first day of October, The Duke had been selecting the other Sides at random to be the victims of his Halloween escapades. He’d already pulled a staggering amount of pranks on the Lights, so perhaps he’d decided to take a break and target his fellow Darks for a bit.

“Oh, no-no-no,” Remus replied with a shake of his head. “Logan’s on my schedule three days from now.”

Janus raised an eyebrow. “Since when do you care for schedules?”

Remus raised an eyebrow right back. “Uh, since I learned about the Goretober tradition online? Duh!”

“. . .Ah, that’s right. That was the first thing you saw once you found a way to Tumblr.” Janus nearly cringed at the memories, but he wouldn’t let his mask of casual nefariousness slip. Especially since it was threatening to slip away as he tried to right himself and. . .failed.

It took everything he had to not let his mouth drop open in shock at the realization that he couldn’t completely feel his arms.

Or his legs.

Or his everything else.

In fact, it seemed the only things he could truly feel were all above the neck.

Janus glanced back at Remus, annoyed to discover that the latter had most certainly seen the brief shock that had just manifested in his eyes.

“Remusssss,” Janus hissed, narrowing his eyes to a dangerous extent. “What the hell have you done?”

Remus tilted his head with a smirk. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“If it was obvious, then I wouldn’t have asked.”

“. . .Meh, fair point.” Remus shrugged, then tossed his axe onto the ground before cupping his chin in thought. “Well, I suppose I could just tell you. . .but we all know I’m all about visual stuff, so. . !”

“What are you—HEY!” Janus bared his teeth, snarling as Remus reached for his face. He immediately tried to twist away, but he just couldn’t feel any movement. “No! NO! REMUS, GET YOUR GRIMEY HANDS OFF ME BEFORE I—!”

Janus cut himself off as Remus hefted him up, all but cradling his lower jaw. He was still greatly concerned about A. all the things Remus could’ve potentially touched before this, and B. what he’d have to wash his face with to make sure both his skin and scales were properly cleaned.

But that concern took a brief backseat to shock as Janus realized. . .his torso wasn’t brushing against Remus’. It should’ve been, considering how he was being held, but it just wasn’t. He glanced downward, but all he could see were Remus’ arms.

“Before you what, exactly?” Remus inquired, grinning and batting his eyelashes with snide glee.

Janus felt his brow furrow. He made to experimentally raise one arm.

He felt the movement from his shoulder and near his side.

But the limb in question never came into view.

He then let his arm drop, and felt it lightly collapse against the ground.

Remus must’ve seen his cohort putting all the pieces together, because he chuckled and maneuvered his hands in order for Janus to see. . .well, Janus. It wasn’t unlike all the times Janus had hovered before the vanity mirror in his room to fix himself up for his outings. The only difference was the veil of golden smoke billowing into the air from his freshly-opened neck. More of the glowing, metaphysical blood tried to ooze out, but now that Janus had finally seen the damage for himself, he was able to will said blood back where it belonged before it could stain his cloak.

“Well,” Janus pronounced rather casually for a man who was looking at his own decapitated body. “I’ve seen you do much worse.”

Remus hummed proudly. “The Dragon Witch was too busy hunting to come do a performance-battle with me. I was really disappointed at first, but then I remembered you talking about the pumpkins, so. . .yeah!”

Janus hummed in thought, watching as his body picked itself up and dusted the dirt away from his outfit. It then stooped down to collect Janus’ hat, which it silently twirled about its index finger as it came to stand before Remus. Janus’ free hand then outstretched in an expectant manner. “Do you mind. . ?”

“Oh, sure.” Remus handed Janus’ head back to his body with a flourish.

“Thank you.” Janus nodded(?) once his hat was returned to its proper place. His arm ever-so-slightly raised him up, letting him make eye-contact with the other Side. “Say, Remus. Did you know a snake's head can still bite long after it’s been severed and the main body has died?”

“Indeed I did! Same thing goes for wild boars, too! Why do you aaAUGH!” Remus failed to duck-and-cover fast enough as Janus opened his mouth wide, allowing two streams of venom to spray from his extended fangs. Aforementioned venom spattered against Remus’ face, hissing and bubbling as it immediately began eating into his skin.

Janus closed his mouth, a devilish smirk quickly etching its way across his features as he watched Remus fall to the ground, writhing and screaming. “How the hell were you not expecting that? You were the one who suggested I make my venom acidic.”

“Oh, I expected it alright,” Remus protested, voice keening even more than usual as he choked on air. “Figured it’d make us even, y’know?”

Janus snorted. “How polite of you.” He carefully moved his head backward, then lowered it onto his neck. This stopped the majority of the yellow smoke from pouring, though a few columns still managed to slip out between the new wound. Janus held his noggin in place, patiently waiting for his skin and bones to knit themselves back together like they always did whenever he was injured.

It took a good ten seconds or so for him to realize that the typical healing process was taking much longer than usual.

Janus felt his face fall—then he felt it twist into a scowl yet again as he heard Remus’ cries of pain transition into his usual giggles.

“W-What’s going on?” Janus blurted. “Why isn’t—?!”

“Relax, my dear Danger Noodle. It’s not permanent,” Remus interjected. He shakily got to his feet to face Janus once more. By now, Janus’ venom had stopped bubbling, but the flesh of his face was still very much a melting, oozing, hideous mess. His left eye was now completely out of proportion; its socket was sagging down to nearly touch the corner of his mouth. Meanwhile, his right jawbone had been partially revealed, bloody and glistening in the light. “You’ll get to heal that little cut by the stroke of one forty-five a.m.”

Janus’ mouth sporadically opened and closed with no words coming out; a concoction of shock, rage, and confusion clambered about his face as he stared at Remus.

Remus simply waved the glower off, folding his arms across his chest. “Ah, c’mon. Having to manually carry your head around until the wee hours can’t be that hard. In fact, you should really be thanking me.”

“THANKING YOU?!” Janus seethed as he began pacing in a small, angry circle. He would’ve thrown his hands up in anger, but he didn’t particularly want to taste his garden’s soil again.

“Yes! As I am to you!” Remus sliding up to Janus, reaching out to shake hands with his free arm. “Because now we’ve both got some kick-ass costumes for today! Don’t get me wrong, it’s really damn impressive what some artists can do with special effects makeup, but look at us! We’ve got the real deal, motherfuUUUUAAAH DAMN IT!”

Remus collapsed onto his knees as the second spritz of Janus’ venom disintegrated even more of his flesh.

Janus’ forked tongue flicked between his gritted fangs like a macabre party favor. His free hand reached under the brim of his hat to massage his temple as he mentally began counting to ten.

“A-ah. . .hey, look at that! Y-you made my costume even more authentic,” Remus wheezed, offering a thumbs up as his right eye started to dribble. “Go team!”

___

About an hour passed, and Janus found himself in the Mind Palace’s dining room. He sat at the end of the table, carefully outlining a design on the pumpkin of his choice with a black marker.

(Or, his body was doing all that, to be more precise. His head was merely watching, resting on a small silk pillow he’d brought from his bedroom.)

The other fruits of his harvest were all gathered opposite of his seat, patiently waiting for Janus’ peers to hollow them out and give them faces.

Speaking of which. . .

“We’re baaaaack!” Roman’s voice called out, musical as ever and accentuated by several footsteps entering the kitchen from the back door.

“I hope we’re not late,” Patton’s bubbly tone followed, sounding a bit more strained than usual. The sound of way too many shopping bags being plunked onto countertops throughout the kitchen explained that pretty well.

“Drat,” Janus greeted in a somewhat raised voice, not taking his eyes off of his jack-o-lantern-in-progress. “I really thought you’d gone to get some more milk this time.”

“I did!” Patton reassured. He was still in the kitchen, so there was no way to be certain if he truly understood that little jab. “We’ll be whipping up a fresh batch of cookies soon, after all! I may be a laid-back dad. . .” Patton’s giggles suddenly halted, and his voice became low, “. . .but I will NOT tolerate any treat-blasphemy in this household.”

“I’m trembling in my boots,” Janus yawned, trying to ignore the tiny chill that crept along his spine. “The sugar-pumpkins you requested are ready.”

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I see them!” Patton cheered. “They’re just adorable!”

“Puh-leeze, Padre. The only adorable fruit in here is you!” Roman, also having yet to be seen, chuckled. “Because I’m the handsome fruit, obviously.”

More footsteps began trekking along the floor, quickly getting closer and closer to the dining room. Janus had to bite his tongue to avoid chuckling once he saw the sleeve of Patton’s cat-hoodie poke around the kitchen doorway

“Thank you so much for growing these guys, Janus! You’ve helped me to really give everyone pumpkin to talk aboouu. . .” Patton trailed off, the way his eyes were growing to the size of dinner plates suddenly evident in his voice.

For dramatic effect, Janus waited until he heard the telltale sound of a body staggering against the adjacent wall and hitting the floor with a light thud before finally acknowledging the other Side. He smiled, offering a polite nod(?).

Patton, in response, somehow managed to nod back even as he sat trembling and gaping. “J-J-Janus. . ?”

“P-P-Patton?” Janus echoed, tilting his head to the side and putting on a mask of innocent confusion.

"Are—are you. . ." Patton fumbled over his words. ". . .okay?"

"Maybe, maybe not. That just depends on perspective." Janus quirked a cryptic eyebrow. He knew Patton understood how beings like themselves couldn't truly be harmed or killed by physical means like this (despite all that fluff between his ears), but the latter Side still definitely wasn't used to seeing his peers going about their typical business post-decapitation. "Come now, don't look so shocked. I have mentioned wanting to stay ahead of you all several times in the past."

An uncertain giggle wormed its way out of Patton's mouth as the wordplay graced his ears. He still looked a bit green around the gills, but it seemed his nerves were calming back down.

After all, a beheaded person who could still talk and move and make puns (probably) made for much better company than a beheaded person who would just conform to Rigor Mortis and bleed out all over the carpet.

“Hey, Patton? Where did you want the—” Roman called, his shadow crossing the floor as he, too, began to approach. “Whatever are you doing on the floor? It looks you’ve seen a ghAUGH!"

“Hello to you, too, Roman.” Janus’ hand briefly put the marker down in order to tip his hat to the aforementioned prince.

“WHAT IN THE NAME OF TRIXIE MATTEL HAPPENED TO YOU?!”

Janus raised a hand, letting it hover before his mouth in a mock-gasp. “Really, now? Using her majesty’s title in vain? I would’ve expected better from you!” He then rolled his eyes as his body went back to work on his pumpkin. “It’s just a scratch, really.”

“A scratch?!” Roman cried, venturing a few steps closer. “Your head is off!”

Janus smirked, eyes glinting mischievously. “No it isn’t.”

Roman sputtered, pointing at Janus’ neck. “Well, what’s that, then?!”

Janus tossed a glance at his body. The golden smoke was still rising from the hole where his head should’ve been. He could’ve made it stop entirely, but he’d decided against that, since it was a truly interesting sight once you got past the fact that blood should’ve been gushing out.

“. . .I’ve had worse.”

“Is the unnecessary confrontation already beginning?” The voice that echoed from somewhere by the living room sounded calm and steady at first, if not clipped. If you listened closely, however, you’d be able to tell that the speaker was simply holding back on some extremely warranted aggravation with the power of Crofters jam and well-intentioned vibes. “I was certain the inevitable catastrophe would come after the pumpkins' insides were cleaned.”

Logan came strolling down the staircase, and though he did do a near-neck-snapping double-take upon seeing Janus in a much more beheaded state than usual, he took his shock with much more stride than the others. “Salutations, Janus. Are you. . .well?”

“Now that you mention it, my neck is feeling a little numb,” Janus replied, making sure that he still looked and sounded supremely unbothered by his headlessness.

Logan ever-so-slightly raised his eyebrows, some undeniable curiosity glinting in his eyes. “I’m assuming Remus had something to do with this?”

Janus pursed his lips. “What gave you that impression? The way he was sing-shouting something along the lines of how I should’ve let him carry my head as he ‘properly galumphed’ back into the commons?”

“Correct."

“Ah, so you haven’t gone deaf yet. I suppose that’s good to know.”

Logan quietly moved closer to the table, standing on the opposite side of Roman, who was still murmur-rambling in shock for all he was worth. “May I ask what prompted him to—”

“Really, what’s the point if you haven’t guessed by now?” Janus tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsked, raising one hand to wag a finger in Logan’s direction. “In any case, it’s not important.”

“I’m inclined to disagree!” Roman protested.

“Why haven’t you reversed the damage by now?” Logan wondered aloud. “Having to carry your own head can’t be a very pleasant experience.”

“Oh, you’d be so surprised,” Janus drawled, his body offering a shrug. “I’m sure I’ve proven how much I adore the odd challenge or two. Would you believe me if I said that I sought out Remus and requested this?”

Logan’s face was quick to fall back into its usual no-nonsense mask. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Right, right. Just as I wouldn’t be more focused on keeping an eye out for the plans Remus might have for later this week.”

Logan squinted at this particular statement, just barely tipping his head in a nod as his eyes darted all around the room in thought. He then set his focus on the available pumpkins nearby, scanning the pile to see which one would be worthy of his carving.

“W-well. . .I mean, it sounds like there’s gourd vibes all around.” Patton cleared his throat, finally back on his feet. He flashed a nervous-yet-genuine smile over to Janus, who responded with a smug chortle at the pun. “But the pumpkin-flavored everything isn’t gonna make itself, so, I guess I’d better get to it!” He turned on his heel, retreating back into the kitchen. “You kiddos have fun with the jack-o-lanterns! Just call me if you need anything!”

Roman finally picked his jaw up off the floor and sat down on the chair he’d had in a white-knuckled grip since the beginning of the situation. He heaved his seventh dramatic sigh of the day, side-eyeing Janus.

“Couldn’t you at least. . .do something? With the stump?” The prince attempted to huff a laugh. “You’re supposed to be all about mystery, aren’t you?”

“Is that what I am?” Janus mused, angling his head in a way that allowed his eyes to be shaded while his scales caught the light. “Well, this may come as a shock, but I’ve been trying to work on my pumpkin for that exact purpose.” Something sinister crept into his casual facade. “But, if you’d rather I try something else. . .”

Janus’ body raised at arm, first to drum his fingers against his throat before snapping those same fingers twice.

The golden smoke seemed to pause. It then grew darker and thicker, splitting itself down the middle to create two columns. And as those columns began to twist and ripple in place, their particles took on a much more organic shine.

Twin bone-rattling hisses crept into the air as row after row of scales spiraled throughout the vapor.

Two pairs of haunting, slit-pupiled eyes blinked to life, automatically scrutinizing the area.

A matching set of sinuous skeletons flickered within the glow in a way that could reasonably be compared to an x-ray.

And just like that, within less of a minute, Janus suddenly had a new head.

Well, he technically had three heads now, but who was counting?

Certainly not Roman, who fell out of his chair with a shriek as the duo of huge, ethereal snakes now protruding from Janus’ neck tried to slither closer to him.

“How’s this look?” Janus asked, not batting an eyelid. “Do you think their scales compliment mine?”

“I think yOU SHOULD LEARN TO TAKE A DAMN JOKE!” Roman cried, shielding his face. “JUST GO BACK TO THE SLEEPY HOLLOW REFERENCE! IT SUITS YOU!”

“Splendid idea, Roman,” Janus simpered. With a couple more snaps of his fingers, the ghostly serpents evaporated, spiraling out of existence layer by layer. “It’s almost like I was trying to do that in the first place.”

“. . .That was an exceptional reference to Coatlicue,” Logan pronounced, with the intrigue in his eyes being a little more than mild.

“Of course it was,” Janus purred, somehow being smug and grateful at the same time.

“Co-How-Do-You-Say?” Patton, piped up. He was poking his head through the kitchen doorway yet again, probably having been lured back by the new commotion and (judging by the cocktail of confusion and fright on his face) was now most certainly questioning several of his choices.

As Logan began rattling off the basics of Aztec mythology, Roman climbed back onto his selected chair with a few petulant grumbles that might’ve been more colorful if not for Patton’s re-entry. He was quiet for the next moment or two, reaching across the table to drag a particular pumpkin closer.

“So. After we’re all done with putting the hollow in Halloween. . .” he eventually coughed. “. . .I don’t suppose you’d be up for a little chase-and-duel on horseback later tonight? I just organized a new little forest in the imagination. With a brook and a bridge, of course.”

Janus mulled this information over as he took a tiny saw into his hand and pushed it toward his chosen pumpkin. “I might be able to make some room in my planner.”

@sammys-magical-au @lickoutyourbrains @impatentpending @fangirltothefullest

#the thirteen days of goretober #goretober 2023 #my writing #my stories #sanders sides #janus sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #tw body horror #tw blades #tw physical violence #tw acidic chemicals #tw skin melting #tw blood #tw snakes #tw mentions of food

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muthaz-rapapa · 2 years ago

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[Theory] Kaito's Desired Endgame

Actually, this is more of breakdown of why I don't think the common (?) theory of him aiming to switch Akiho and Sakura's lives is true.

It just bugged me a lot and I need to sort these thoughts out of system. Because if Kaito does want the girls to switch places, then that would count as malicious intent on his part (cuz doing so would harm Sakura which is like the biggest tabooboo in CCS land). And that doesn't align with what I see in the portrayal of his character so far.

Yea, he may be sneaky but there has been nothing to suggest that Kaito is a cruel or evil person. Far from it.

So I'm going to attempt to prove the "switch lives" theory wrong and come up with a possible new one at what his real goal might be. (others may have thought some of this up already but I've been out of the loop on CC as a whole to mentally recover so...just please give me space, thanks)

Remaining chapters

Let's start with the technical stuff first.

CC will end with vol 14 and right now we are currently at 69 chapters with ch 70 to be released at the end of January (so within a few days).

Usually a volume has 5-6 chapters with each one being about an average of 30 pages long. If so, the story should end with ch 70 or 71, right? Since vol 13 ended with ch 65 so ch 66-69, which are already out, fills up 4 chapters of vol 14 already.

Well, final manga volumes can be thicker than the regular volume by having more pages in the final chapter(s).

This happened with Pandora Hearts (the only other manga I have on hand that I can use as reference for this matter). Its final Japanese volume (24) had 70 more pages than the previous vol 23 and the final chapter alone totaled around 100 pages. See below photo for comparison:

Yea, so at the very least I think we might get 1 or 2 more extended chapters after 70 to wrap everything in the story up properly. 3 chapters maximum if we're really pushing it.

It can't be 5 chapters because then the story would end end at vol 15, not 14.

Right? Right. Ok, next.

EDIT: I stand corrected because ANN announced in an article last year (?) it would end at vol 14 but apparently, there was a mistake and now it'll end at vol 15. So yea, there's 5 more chapters of story after ch 70!

2) The possibility of a "simulation" or a dream-like scenario where the two "Alice"s experience switched lives.

Kind of something similar to the final judgement in the first arc where Sakura faced off against Yue before becoming the master of the former Clow Cards. The part where she went unconscious and saw a world where everybody forgot who they loved most?

Yea, that's exclusive to the anime series. It didn't occur in the original manga where Sakura stayed conscious, fended Yue off and won a lot faster.

If such a thing were to be added to CC's finale, you're going to need at least 3 out of the 6 chapters left for the desired...emotional impact. But even so, when we've spent a whole two volumes in the fantasy world of Clockland already, adding another layer to this "dream" the characters are already in...it's kinda superfluous and tiring, to be honest.

Not to mention, you need pages to wrap up other things as well. Like addressing Sakura's control over her growing powers? How are they gonna close that out? What about the European magicians? Will we know what they'll do once they learned Akiho isn't the artifact anymore? So many things to do before ch 75.

Creating and diving into another reality adds a whole other problem to the pile and frankly, even with the Exchange card, I don't believe there's even enough magic to be able to pull off such feat either.

But more on that later because there's something else that I must address before that.

3) Clues aren't direct and premonitions aren't exact.

There seems to be some collective perception that Momo's hint for Sakura back in ch 50-51 is suggesting Kaito intends to have Sakura replaced with Akiho and that's why nobody recognizes Sakura when she runs around frantically asking everyone what's going on.

Bzzt. Wrong.

The hint was not that she was going to be forced to switch lives (because if that were true, where was Akiho then?) but rather, Sakura was going to be thrown into the world of the story of Alice in Clockland. In other words, Momo's book.

Notice how all the houses and trees and stuff resemble props within a play? And how the school play eventually ended up connecting with the story in the book.

Yea, the hint was telling everyone that the finale will take place in a fictional setting.

As for why none of her family and friends recognized her in Momo's simulation, the opposite actually happened when Sakura became "Alice" after entering the book.

In the hint, Sakura remembers everyone but nobody knows who she is.

In the book, Alice!Sakura doesn't remember who she herself is but all the Clear Cards that took on the image of her loved ones (and therefore, are representing her loved ones) do.

In other words, the hint was meant to throw everyone off of what to expect while still giving us a clue of what will occur in later chapters. (side note: this also sorta brings to mind a line that Alice in the AiW books said: "Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.")

And the meaning behind the hint became clear quite recently to me too.

Sakura was able to break the spell on her and recall her true identity by remembering the bonds she has with the people important to her. This effectively indicates that the memories we have with others are a large part of what defines who we are.

That if we don't lose sight of our connections with those dear to us, we won't lose sight of ourselves either.

Just like how Akiho recalled much faster about who she herself is by remembering never forgetting her feelings for Kaito.

Next, the premonitions.

Keep in mind that while Sakura's dreams fortell the future, they are also a product of her mind trying to sort things out while she's sleeping.

The things we couldn't readily process while awake (like confusion, shock, etc) would often be set aside in our unconsciousness to be dealt with later. Notably during the time we're not awake.

And I believe that the brain would try process those things to the best of its ability...but it can only do so with the information it already has available on hand. So anything you're not aware of or don't know yet, something else will be used as placeholder instead.

For example, the cloaked figure that Sakura pulled the hood off to reveal (a soulless-eyed) Syaoran underneath. That actually foretold that she will confront the Dreaming Card and an imposter Syaoran (aka Kaito in disguise) in Momo's book.

When she was still dreaming of MCF (sp?), she wasn't aware of Kaito's true identity as a magician yet so she kept seeing Syaoran in the cloak who always wore an expressionless face that she couldn't decipher. Because she didn't know that person was going to be Kaito.

But after she learned Kaito could use magic in ch 54, she no longer saw MCF!Syaoran in her dreams anymore.

Additionally, the Akiho who Sakura saw in her dreams turned out to be different than what's happening now.

In her dreams, Akiho is not conscious and always wearing her ritual dress with a vacant expression on her face. Like an empty doll.

But in the book, Akiho is awake despite the fact that her memory was temporarily subdued and she is wearing a noticeably different outfit. The dress of the Red Queen.

Her expressions are solemn but her eyes are very much alive in contrast to the Akiho in the dreams.

As for the serpentine winged dragon, no one smart should've expected it could represent anyone else other than Kaito.

On the corner of Kaito's robes as well as the back, there is the symbol of the dragon.

But as Sakura didn't suspect Kaito of anything yet at the time when she started having these dreams, her mind used the image of a dragon to clue her in on who she will be confronting later on.

However, it should be noted that none of what Sakura saw in the dreams suggests that she will switch lives with Akiho.

It only foretold that she will meet and confront these figures (the imposter Syaoran/Kaito in disguise, Akiho, the Dreaming Card and the dragon/Kaito as his real self) within the book.

And that future she saw already came to be as of these past two volumes.

4) The creation of the Exchange card

It should be pretty obvious by now that the whole synchro plan was for the sake of creating the circumstances needed to establish the foundations of this card.

Through Akiho and Sakura sharing feelings and bits of memories across their joint dreams, the idea of a "trade" has been incepted into Sakura's mind early on so that she will eventually create a card that can function as a link, a channel, for an exchange to be possible on immediate demand.

Throwing her into the book and making her "Alice" was just the final push to materialize the card into existence. Because the cards are born from Sakura's inner emotions, the events that led up to this point were meant to foster a certain feeling within her for that purpose.

As "Alice", the heroine, she was faced with the dilemma of the Red Queen's loneliness and inability to leave Clockland. That is what developed a wish in her to save the Queen (Akiho).

A desire to help Akiho by saying "I should've taken your place".

With that desire, a new card is born.

My prediction was correct (partially). Kaito was betting on this with the combination of his two plans (the synchro + the story of Clockland). He wanted to utilize the heroine's tendency towards altruism to bring about the card he needed.

As long as Sakura wanted to save Akiho, she would be able to birth the card needed for such a task.

However, none of that necessarily means he intends to use it to switch their lives. The only definitive thing out of this was that he wanted a specific card from Sakura all along...which is also what he's been saying all along, too.

How he intends to use the card may not be what everyone is expecting.

5) Conditions that need to be met + conflicts that may arise in using Exchange.

There are several things we need to ask before we come to any conclusions, chiefly among them the following:

Who can use the Exchange card? (read: is likely to use it in the current scenario)

And do the conditions differ depending on the person using it? Along with what their respective wish is?

First off, let's remember that the four central characters are all within a rather ambiguous space at the moment.

While the Clear Cards are there in the book and were created by Sakura, she was told that not all of them would not outright obey her commands. Or at least, they are following her subconscious will rather than her conscious one.

For example, when Sakura was fighting off the Dreaming card, trying to escape the book with Akiho, only to realize she didn't truly leave the book and what she saw was only a dream. Her attempt to leave was an illusion...a dream that she wished for as clarified by Kaito after it broke.

In other words, it can be interpreted that what Sakura truly wanted deep down was to believe that everything happening around her was not real. That it was a dream.

We should also note that Kaito, as the author/creator of Clockland, has some significant control over this field as well. They are playing on his turf right now so he has a slight advantage over them.

At the very least, the ones that seem to hold the most sway over the turnout of the story are the two most powerful magicians present (Sakura and Kaito) as well as the one whose choice will influence them the most (Akiho).

Moreover, we should also remember that he was able to use Clear Mirror to disguise himself as Syaoran.

As such, who can be called "master" over a Card may have been blurred within the book. It's possible the cards can respond to the will of anyone.

Depending on whose hand they're being held in and perhaps also, provided that the order they give doesn't conflict with Sakura's subconscious desire.

So now it becomes the question of who Exchange will fall into the hands of...

If it goes to Sakura, there are two ways this can play out:

Kaito reveals the truth about him and Akiho along with his wish to Sakura and asks her to use Exchange to fulfill it. If his wish is for her to switch lives with Akiho (and therefore, harmful intent), of course Sakura would refuse and his plan will fail on the spot. So naturally, it can't be that. Frankly, this approach makes no sense and further rules out the switch theory. Kaito cannot afford to fail in his quest to save Akiho so he needs a plan that is as airtight as possible with a higher percentage of succeeding. Relying completely on Sakura's goodwill won't give him that because he knows Sakura isn't a pushover. He knows she wouldn't just say "yes" to anything drastic even if it's to save a friend.

A more likely possibility is that he would offer himself in exchange for Akiho's life. His priority is to save Akiho and the most immediate danger is the book inside her. More than switching lives, he needs that book removed (and there's no guarantee that switching lives will remove the book anyway). He is willing to sacrifice everything he has, including his magic and what's left of his dwindling life, to get it out of her. In which case, Sakura would also refuse because not only would that hurt Akiho if she loses Kaito but it would also be assisted suicide. Which is something she would never consent to (and also extremely inappropriate for a story with a young age demographic). Sakura would never consent to sacrificing someone else no matter what the cause, especially when she still knows nothing about Kaito. And when she does learn the truth about him and his and Akiho's past, it will just make her refuse to let Kaito die even harder.

This part of the theory hasn't taken into consideration of what other cards she might use later (like Rewind) but I think we can say with some certainty that Exchange in Sakura's hands would be a dead end for Kaito so he will probably do his best to not let it go to her.

Now, if Exchange falls to Kaito, then it's a question of what his true intentions are with this card.

Everyone wants to perceive that he wishes to switch the girls' lives.

But I...simply do not believe there's enough time to bring about something that cosmic-sized of a change (along with all the action it entails), prevent it, resolve the issues at hand, have Sakura's party learn everything about Akiho and Kaito's pasts, reconcile...and then dedicate the entire last chapter to SyaoSaku being loveydovey with each other for fanservice. If the last 5 chapters are all 30 pages each.

Also, it seems a little too obvious to be true and there are too many contradictions that can make this go wrong.

For one, if we follow by the rules of magic, magical transactions usually need to be equal in value on both sides to be done successfully. Otherwise it will either not go through...or there will be severe consequences to make the transaction even.

So the definition behind Exchange shouldn't be that different.

Frankly, in the case of Akiho and Sakura's respective lives, they are not in fact equal.

They may share some things in common (being chocomint fans, of the same height, etc) but those are all surface similarities and nothing deep.

Since they've led different lives and had different experiences, they would naturally have different feelings, different hearts and therefore, different values.

What is important to Sakura is not the same for what is important to Akiho. For instance, the people they love most are different and thus, inexchangable.

There are also things that Sakura has that Akiho doesn't (magic, family, happy childhood, etc) and that goes the same the other way around, too. Akiho possesses things that Sakura doesn't have either (passion for books, emotional scars, trauma, and a deeper understanding of darkness due to a sad past).

Adding that up, the exchange would be doomed to fail because Akiho and Sakura are too distinct from each other as individuals to be switched smoothly.

Kaito is a magician so on top of knowing how different Akiho is from Sakura, he must be aware of this rule as well.

Furthermore, if the Exchange card takes into account what the user sees as equal in value for a trade, then he would fail there too.

Because of course he would place more importance on Akiho's life than Sakura's or anyone else's.

The scales would be tipped and maybe the magic might not even start up because the conditions for a fair trade have not been met to initiate it.

There's also the possibility of Kaito exchanging positions with Akiho.

In fact, he and Akiho are on more even standing than Akiho and Sakura are.

They share similar backgrounds (lonely pasts, traumatic and abused childhoods) and both are in danger of "dying" with their time running out (Kaito from using too much rewind, Akiho from the progression of the artifact that will erase her soul).

Since Kaito possesses a lot of innate magic while Akiho has that book filled with magic inside her, he can have Exchange put the book inside him while Akiho receives his magic. Doing so, Akiho's soul is preserved at the cost of his own.

But does he really want that with how much his life has been shaved off already from the multiple rewinds?

Doubt it.

Because besides saving her soul, Kaito wants Akiho to live a long and happy life as well. He didn't do all this work just to extend her life for a few more days or weeks or months. He wants her to have a future.

Moreover, even if it can save her soul, any method that forces magic onto Akiho goes against the biggest principle he's been standing by this entire time: that Akiho doesn't need magic.

That she isn't less valuable because she doesn't have any powers.

Whether it be from Sakura or him, it doesn' t matter. He does not want Akiho to change since she's already fine as she is now. She's fine being a normal person.

Giving her magic goes against the moral of their story and most of all, would validate the cruel criticism Akiho's clan had always thrown at her which is something Kaito would want to avoid at all costs.

So any way that ends with Akiho gaining magic is a no no. Because as long as she has magic, whether as an artifact or a magician, Akiho will always be in danger of being taken back by her clan to serve their own purposes.

They only have any interest in her if she contains power within her. If she doesn't, they will give up trying to reclaim her. That is the best outcome Kaito could hope for. Hence why he wants the book removed because then the magicians will stop chasing after Akiho for good and she can finally live in peace.

One more thing. A switch of lives means uprooting what has established the girls as the people they are now...which is gonna be incredibly hard to do.

Not only does it mess with personal history and relationships and therefore, effectively change who they are, it can screw up world through... some effect.

The girls have already lived 13 years, they made their mark in the records of time. The logic that constitutes them individually are already imprinted on the fabric of reality. This is not easily undone, rearranged and stitched perfectly back together.

And the price to attempt it sounds like it would be too much as well. It's not something Kaito alone can pay for. Not even with his and Sakura's magic combined.

Again, his major goals are 1) to remove the book from Akiho foremost and 2) to ensure that nothing that makes Akiho "Akiho" changes.

That includes the things that are the most precious to her. Her appreciation for books, her cherishment of Momo, the friendships she's made in Tomoeda.

And also, her love for her parents.

She may not have known them but she still treasures the fact that she had parents once, that she is the daughter to someone. The few things she does know about her mother and father, she keeps close to her heart. She wants to hold onto whatever she has of them because she has nothing else of them to keep.

Kaito understands this more than anyone because Akiho told this to him herself.

And the fact that Lilie, Akiho's mother, was also a significant person in his life is more than enough to deter him from ever wanting to sever the connection Akiho has with her parents. Because Lilie is an important part of Akiho, too. If Akiho loses that, she will no longer be the Akiho that she is now.

In short, switching Akiho's life with another's might turn her into a girl who has warm family and friends and a happy, sheltered childhood and all...but that girl wouldn't be the same Akiho in front of him at this moment.

Therefore, I must conclude that exchanging Akiho and Sakura's lives is probably not what he's aiming for. Because that ultimately means changing Akiho from who she is now into someone entirely different.

She would not be Akiho anymore if that happens.

6) Kaito's true wish + the endgame he wants

This is the part where I throw out a new theory.

Even if it's not an exchange of lives or magic, there will still be an exchange of something.

A wish and a price to pay for that wish.

Kaito wants the book that has been carved into Akiho's body to be removed.

The book has been implanted by the powers of many, many magicians from both the Association and Akiho's clan. And over the years, more magic has been added to its pages through all the books Akiho had read.

The amount of magic within her, though not specified, must be enormous. For it to be taken out without harming the vessel (Akiho) would require a very hefty price.

Kaito's life and his magic might not be enough. Hell, even adding Sakura's magic into the equation, overflowing as it is, might not be enough either because she is still only one person against the hundreds of magics and taboos stored in Akiho.

So what can Kaito offer, something that only belongs to him, to make it so the book no longer endangers Akiho? What does he alone possess that can match in equal value for the fulfillment of that wish?

Perhaps his own existence?

As in, erasing it from the world? That's a pretty big offer, isn't it?

Like it was discussed above, any tempering with the events of time is a very difficult thing to accomplish. In the magician society, it is also a widely known taboo. You don't mess with the workings of time and even the altering of one person's life in the flow of it can result in some significant change.

But see, if this is indeed possible...then the task is "easier" to carry out with Kaito precisely because there a very few people who are aware of him. In fact, the less others know about him, the better. It would not create such a big backlash if he were to disappear.

Because he thinks he didn't make enough of an impact on anything that would be hard to forget and also probably believes that everybody wants to forget about him.

He has no blood relatives looking for him so he believes he doesn't have a true home or family to go back or belong to.

The Association only ever saw him as a tool to be used and is out to kill him for taking Akiho (the artifact) away so they definitely won't miss him.

And nobody in Sakura's party really understands what he's after. They only suspect he's scheming something so they think the worst of him because they lack information to consider otherwise. Moreover, Kaito had also went to great lengths to hide his personal information from being discovered. He doesn't want people to know about him because that will make disappearing much more difficult.

Knowing him and his self-loathing, his belief and depression that he'll always be alone, his guilt over that blank book comment that brought this fate upon Akiho (the person he loves most) and how little time he has left to live anyway, Kaito is definitely in the mindset that there would be no problem if he were gone.

For him, it might even be preferable. This way, Akiho can be saved and he (as the "villain" he thinks he is) can exit this story, this world, so that it could have the "happy ending" he envisioned.

Though I suspect he wouldn't request for an ending on such a massive scale either because again, he cannot risk anything that could change Akiho from who she is now.

He'd still want his efforts to remain, to keep everything that built up this story to stay (taking Akiho away from her clan, bringing her to Japan, letting her meet and befriend Sakura, enacting the magic of Momo's book to remove the artifact, etc) so that it preserves Akiho's foundations as her own person.

He would just want to blot himself out. So that only he is forgotten after this is all over.

Akiho can still have Momo, her friends, her memories of her parents, the life she's lived up till now. It's only Kaito who wouldn't be there like he originally was.

There may be blank spots left behind where he used to be but since not many people knew about him, he trusts the world can fill in those blanks on its own. Like history correcting itself by creating little "coincidences" or whatever to explain and make sure things make sense.

For Akiho, he knows he can at least entrust her into Sakura's care after he's gone. That might be another reason why he allowed them to form a close friendship in spite of the dangers it could've posed to Akiho (i.e. the artifact reacting to Sakura's magic and reaching closer to completion, thereby shutting Akiho's consciousness down).

It wasn't just for the sake of the synchro and creating the Exchange card he was waiting for. It was also because he needed a good person to be there for Akiho, someone who is capable of protecting her when he no longer could. And for sure, he has confidence in Sakura because everybody knows Sakura will never abandon a person in need.

As long as the book is removed, the European magicians won't come after Akiho anymore. Sakura and co can take good care of Akiho because they are kind people. They will give her a safe place to stay, away from all the troubles of magic.

Including him, who believes his value lies only in his magic and was the source of this whole mess to begin with because of his affiliation with magic.

To make up for his "sin", for what he accidentally did to Akiho, Kaito is more than willing to step aside and vanish so that he doesn't get in the way of Akiho being happy.

However, he could not be more wrong because he still has absolutely no idea just how much Akiho loves him and therefore, how it's inevitably going to change her, to destroy her, if he erases himself from her life.

She is who she is because of him. If it weren't for Kaito making the choice to take her away from her clan, to save her from the doom of losing her soul, she never would've gotten this far. She never would've survived to become the Akiho she is now. Never to know what love is, to make friends and to realize that she's always had the choice in the matter of her own happiness.

Kaito taught her all that. He gave her that chance when no one else did.

He is the lynchpin of her existence. The reason why he's the most important person in her life.

She was able to become who she was because he was there for her, to support her and encourage her and to protect her and love her as she should've been loved.

Take him away and everything that they both worked so hard for will become undone. It doesn't matter how well taken care of she is by people like Sakura afterwards, they can never fill the hole he'd leave behind.

That void will always hurt her because she knows something, someone, is missing from where they should be.

Only he can fill that spot in her heart. No one else can.

He is the only person for her. He is the only person who knows best how to let Akiho stay Akiho.

And Akiho's greatest task in this story is to make him see that.

To make him realize that there is someone who will be deeply affected if they were to lose him and that's her. The one he cares most about and wants to save the most.

If he doesn't want Akiho to change into something she isn't...

If he doesn't want to see her worst off than she is now, a hollow husk who will grieve the loss of him forever...

If he truly wants her to be happy, then he has to listen to her. He has to believe her when she says "I love you. I will never be the same without you so don't leave me. Stay with me."

With that, I think I can picture the order of what might happen for Akiho and Kaito.

Akiho will be saved first with the removal of the book.

Then Kaito will be saved next through some other miracle means with Sakura's assistance.

But for sure, it is Akiho who will contribute the most to stopping him from dropping off the edge of no return. That loss will be hers to bear if she fails to so the one who has to put in the most effort to save Kaito will also be the person who loves him the most.

And she'll do that all without the need for magic. Just like she's always done to get by.

She just needs to be herself, to just be Akiho.

After all, Akiho is the true main character of "Alice in Clockland" whereas Sakura is the stand-in heroine for the sake of manifesting the magic Kaito needs.

The world of Clockland can bend to her will because she is the Queen.

Likewise, the story of Clockland can end however she wishes it to because she is in fact, the real Alice.

Kaito weaved this tale for her sake, for the real Alice.

Therefore, only she has the power to stop him. Only Akiho, the real Alice, is capable of turning him away from death and giving him reason to want to live.

Kaito wants the best and happiest ending for Akiho? Then don't go. Don't disappear.

He needs to understand the importance of his connection with Akiho. He needs to understand what it is that his most beloved reader truly wants in order to properly give her the most satisfactory "happy ending".

#i'm sure it won't happen exactly like I'm imagining it would and there are def some things I forgot while thinking this theory up...#but w/e cuz I did this to clear my head so I can focus on the things I want to do now #anyway last hurrah to throw in the void before it finally ends #prayer circle for no more sequels cuz i hate this trend to death #cardaptor sakura #clear card hen #yuna d. kaito #shinomoto akiho #kinomoto sakura

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dreams-and-drabbles · 2 years ago

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This is very self indulgent and touches on quite a few sensitive topics, so feel free to avoid it, if that bugs you. Writing, is my passion, as well as a coping skill. With that said, here’s some angst~! This idea has been stewing in my head for a while. It’s not really an X reader, and is more platonic hurt/comfort. On that note, I hope those who read, find it engaging…

You’d long since grown accustomed to the constant whispering of your mind’s shadows.

Your life, once promising had become an accumulation of your failures.

Perhaps, you were still young.

You still had time, right?

Logically, you knew that the answer was yes, but the discontent within you had reached its boiling point.

You were so bitter.

Maybe, had you done all that you did for yourself, things would have been different.

You could never be truly happy living for someone else’s approval…

You’d learned that the hard way.

Part of you, however, ached for that sense— An absent figure in your life, yet by far, the most impactful.

Should you hate that person?

No—

Could you hate that person?

You doubted it.

Even after all the unfortunate happenstances that led to where you were now —

((Some of them your own fault and some of them not—))

You still loved them.

With all of your heart.

In the end, you only ended up hating yourself…

You were surrounded by such amazing people—

They did so much.

What did you do?

Nothing of substance.

You could only hope to at least serve as a stepping stone for them—

((You’d long since given up on yourself…))

When you were younger, if someone had asked you what you envisioned your future to be like—

You’d have offered some sort of career, a goal— Back then, it seemed reasonable.

Now?

Now, you could barely picture how you’d be within the next week, let alone a few years….

You’re still young.

Sometimes, being young just isn’t enough.

“Do you have a good relationship with your parents, Cheshire?”

You glanced at the blonde, ignoring the tightness in your chest, as you responded.

“Yeah, we’re on pretty good terms. What about you, Skull?”

The blonde shrugs, seemingly nonchalant.

“Well, I have a pretty great Mom…”

You nod at his statement, and the two of you fall into an awkward silence.

It’s times like this, that you wish Ren were present, but you knew that wasn’t fair—

He’d asked you and Ryuji to investigate.

You’d said yes, of course…

Ren was your friend.

He was your only friend, really—

The sole reason you’d joined the Phantom Thieves was because of Ren….

You’d never really been one to socialize, and the rest of the Phantom Thieves, were no exception…

Even after you had confronted your own darkness, you still had trouble being in the presence of such light.

At times, you still felt undeserving of all of this, but despite that…

Ren’s, no Joker’s hand, was outstretched and to you—

‘I’m not used to others looking for me.’

‘Why?’

“I’m not a good person,” you protested, staring at the hand in front of you in disbelief. The masked figure laughed, shaking his head in disagreement.

“I don’t think a bad person would put such an emphasis on not being good— You’re worried about disappointment, right? Don’t be. Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet… You only ever suffer more.”

You gnawed the inside of your cheek, wishing desperately that you could believe his words— It was so much easier said than done. He paused, lowering his hand some, yet—

It was still outreached.

You could grasp it if you wanted to.

“It’s not going to change right away, but if you try, then there’s the potential. Something tells me you haven’t given up on yourself yet… Come with me?”

He prompted, and as if you’d been waiting for those words your entire life, you grasped his hand—

It felt like he was offering salvation and something else you couldn’t quite place—

Skull sighed, drawing your attention to him. You glanced at him, slightly concerned.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, keeping your tone soft.

It was still strange, speaking to him—

He was the only one you’d spoken to, actually…

You were still fairly new and actually—

Today was your first time helping them with a palace, wasn’t it?

“It’s just like- We’re not all gonna bite ya or somethin’ if you talk to us, yanno? I mean, I get it— Joker’s the type of person that makes everyone feel comfortable. He’s safe n such, but… We’re not bad, either!!!”

Ryuji’s words made your chest clench, but not in the dark and twisted sense you’d grown used to— No, it was more light and dare you think it, hopeful…

“I shouldn’t be surprised you can read me so well… You’re a Phantom Thief, after all…You change hearts often, right? Why would reading them be any different…”

Skull snorts at that, his posture relaxing some, but then he turned to face you—

“You’re a Phantom Thief, too.”

That statement shook you to your very core and perhaps that—

That was when you realized, that maybe this—

This was what Ren had been offering.

People who accepted you—

A place to call home.

For once, the smile on your face felt genuine and you nodded at Ryuji’s words.

“Yeah, I guess so…”

The blonde pumped the air enthusiastically, seemingly more relaxed.

“Woo! Okay good. That was a lot, yeah? Anyways, now that that’s over with!!! Chesire, after this!’ You gotta join us to hangout some at LeBlanc, kay?”

You nodded in agreement, and you found that you meant what you said next—

“…I’m looking forward to it…”

#persona 5 #platonic only #persona 5 x reader #platonic! Ren x reader #Platonic! Ryuji x reader #ren amamiya #ryuji sakamoto

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batbeato · 8 months ago

Note

This is a random question, but I was looking at the characters ages a while back, and after seeing your last post where you mentioned Ange had gone to cram school, had to ask if Ange attending school already in 1986 or if the cram school was a special case, like private tutoring?

The Japanese school year starts in April, and you have to be six before then (or by that day, maybe? Not sure about the exact date) in order to start elementary, I thought. Her birthday is 17th June, so wouldn't she have turned six after the school year started? So, she wouldn't have begun elementary school until 1987? Would have been one of the older kids in her grade, but still in the right age range.

Though it wouldn't surprise me if this is something that was simply forgotten about, like in the case of Sailor Moon's timeline (long story short, main characters are 14 at the start, but for the eighth grade should have actually been 13, going on fourteen for the most part, not including birthday placements). They were given an age, and accordingly placed in the school grade they should be at.

Considering the massive scale of umineko and the other complex details and arcs within it, tiny things like that get lost. So maybe Ange's age vs school level simply wasn't thought of other than in passing, because it's inconsequential to the story in the long run.

Though now my heart hurts, because if Ange was in school at the time already, all her classmates would bug her about the incident because young kids tend to have no tact - and later turn to bullies over it. If she wasn't attending school at that time, begins the following year, that's even worse because her first experience is marred by the fact that her family is dead and no one will let her forget it.

(also, just how smart is Ange? From what I found on the internet, though that's not infallible, kids don't start attending cram school until fourth or fifth grade, or middle school. Either way, I wish I knew division at age six. It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier later on.)

Hmmm. Unsure. It's possible that there were strings pulled or something to have Ange start school early? I can imagine Rudolf/Kyrie doing that, or at least Kyrie convincing Rudolf to do it. I feel like she'd be the one pushing Ange academically (probably to make her more 'valuable' than Battler, who doesn't really care about his grades/schooling). I can also imagine the timeline just being whimsical, like wanting to give Ange a June birthday for astrology reasons or because she "feels like a summer child" and Ryukishi not worrying much about the logistics of it.

Ange was definitely bullied in school a lot, iirc its mentioned (and also depicted for St. Lucia in particular). It would probably have started from a young age and served as a reason for Eva to give Ange personal bodyguards, which would... then amp up the bullying and social ostracization. She... probably has a lot of trauma about school...

I think division teaching starts in like, third grade? At least in the US. She's either very smart/gifted, or she's being pushed very hard. Probably a mix of both. She doesn't do well in St. Lucia, but I think that comes more from her being too depressed to study / not caring about studying, vs. as a child she would be praised a lot by her parents for doing well, probably wasn't bullied, and thus had a good learning environment.

#umineko #umineko no naku koro ni #umineko spoilers #ange my girl who has been given every trauma ever #i think she has gifted kid burnout

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thessalian · 9 months ago

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Thess vs Waiting Out Bugs

There was going to be more Horizon Forbidden West yesterday, but yesterday morphed into an unbelievably bad pain day. I managed to get through the work day - had to; Scruffman and Temp were both out so I had no one to report to and we were already shorthanded. But after that, even sitting in the desk chair was a no. However, I was reasonably okay first thing, so I did try for that stupid drone. I know computer processes are complicated, but yeesh.

Right. Attempt 1. Can I get to that wall without stepping in blight?

I can! Up I go, and ... Ah. In a game where there's a difference between being able to stand on something and Being Able To Stand On Something, those gun turrets are things I am Able To Stand On. Buuuuuuut the drone's still too speedy. Reload.

Attempt 2. Back up the wall, and ... now it's stopping in the wrong place. It's supposed to stop near the turrets, I'm pretty sure. I mean, that is why I am Able To Stand On them. But drone is stopping right above the doors I kerboomed the firegleam on awhile back. Can I climb up there?

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii cannot climb up there. Is the turret on the other side close enough to let me leap to the drone?

Nooooooooo it isn't. Fuck. Reload.

...Huh. I am ... at a different campfire - one nearer the gun turret I was balanced on when I tried and failed for the drone. There must have been an autosave.

Attempt 3 - third time's the charm?

THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM. It's stopping at gun turrets. UP I GO.

And yaaaaaaaay! Don't like having to land in blight with it, but at least I don't have to "Hold E To Grab Data" for very long.

Right. I have some time. Now what?

I wanted to check out some stuff around Plainsong. I can splash out on using one of my fast-travel packs. Man, I know we used to be able to craft fast-travel packs but I don't remember if or how we can on this game, so--

...And just as I think that, the game gives me a tool tip on how to do that. HUZZAH! Normally I just go to the nearest campfire and fast travel from there, but crafting my own fast-travel packs is probably good for when I'm doing morning gaming.

Right. There should be a codex entry in this area. Fields full of blight, satellite dish array ... should be around the base of this dish somewhere.

...Or up. It could be up.

Look, I know that's a grapple point; let me grapple without potentially stepping in blight, okay?

Right. I can scan it from here. No more jumping.

Well. Maybe let's just see what's through this gap.

Ah. I could have just walked over to it from here. Ah well. Lesson learned. I could go check for green shiny elsewhere but I probably don't really have time for that. So ... hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go.

Today is going to be a take-it-easy day. It's going to have to be; I'm feeling better but dear gods yesterday was awful. Lots of rest breaks, maybe a nap, not leaving the house if I don't absolutely have to.

Nice thing is that we're starting to have the kind of weather where I can have the windows open during the day without worrying that the heater's going to kick on. We're supposed to get to 20 Celcius today. Currently at 16-ish, and I can get some fresh air. I mean, yeah, it's apparently a high pollen day, but it's a high pollen day for me either way, 'cos my petunias.

On the subject of the garden, most of my stuff has sprouted and many have even started growing adult leaves. A few still haven't sprouted, but I'll give them some time before I panic. Chamomile in particular has a reputation for just taking its own sweet time. But the dill and particularly the coriander are growing incredibly fast and I'm probably going to have to repot them soon. Good thing I already bought my Big Bag of Soil for the year.

Yeah, this is me being Plant Parent - pondering the loss of baby leaves instead of baby teeth and thinking about how fast some of them outgrow their pots rather than their onesies. The reason why I own a t-shirt from TeeTurtle that reads "My Plants Are My Babies". It's a little twee, but I guess it's true enough anyway.

(...oh fuck I need to take out the garbage later...)

#Thess plays video games #Thess liveblogs Horizon Forbidden West #Thess on gardening

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small-screen-superman · 1 year ago

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I love My Adventures with Superman, but I decided to write some thoughts about the one thing about it that bugs me most. Spoilers for episodes 4-6! The best way to read it is my non-Tumblr blog, but I'll include the text below too.

About a month ago, it finally happened. My Adventures with Superman came out. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time; I wrote a blog post when it was first announced over 2 years ago. Based on what little was known about the show back then, it seemed like exactly what I wanted: a show focusing on Clark’s humanity and his life at the Daily Planet, and especially his friendship with fellow Planet employees Lois and Jimmy. That is indeed what the show is about. So do I like it? You bet I do! It’s charming, fun and exciting. It is indeed very focused on characters and relationships, but that does not mean it skimps out on the action. It’s also pretty humorous.

If any of this sounds like a good show to you, I recommend watching it. It’s available on Max (formerly HBO Max). At the time of this post’s writing, the show is up to its seventh episode. This post contains spoilers for episodes 4-6, so if you want a “fresh” experience of the show, you should stop reading. But if you do decide to finish this post instead of running off to watch the show, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch the show – I don’t think learning the information found in this post will ruin your experience at all.

At any rate, this is your last warning for spoilers.

When MAWS was newly announced, I thought its premise sounded so promising that it might end up being basically exactly what I’d want a new Superman cartoon to be. That might’ve been a little too optimistic. I didn’t fully realize how nontraditional MAWS was going to be. That’s not a bad thing in and of itself, of course, but as a fan of the traditional Superman setup, I don’t necessarily consider it ideal either.

The first big change that’s obvious from the very first episode is that Lois reciprocates Clark’s interest in her from the start. Many villains are also massively re-imagined. But in this article, I want to focus on what I consider the most radical change and the one that I’m least on board with: by episode 6, both Lois and Jimmy know Clark is Superman. Or, in in-universe terms, they both learn Clark is Superman shortly after Superman first appears.

Wasted Potential

It took some effort for me to fully understand why this idea bothers me, so it will take a bit of time for me to convey it too. The first and most obvious issue is that it closes off a lot of potential stories that could be told. Of course, it also opens up possibilities for other stories to be told, so the real issue is that it means stories, plot points, and ideas that I personally want to see are closed off.

I’m sure after decades and decades of superhero media, a lot of people are tired of seeing superheroes constantly keeping their identities secret from even their close friends. But in all honesty, I just am not. I think this setup, tried-and-true as it may be, is full of potential.

Some of that potential is for humor. MAWS is pretty humorous, so it would fit right in. What’s a bigger deal is that I enjoy the irony and tragedy of this premise. In the 1950s Adventures of Superman live-action show, the friendship between Clark, Lois, and Jimmy is also important, but they don’t know that he’s Superman, and to me, there’s something about that which is just so interesting and sad in a way: having a strong, almost family-like bond with others, and yet not willing to let them know something so fundamental about yourself. It just seems poignant to me. I guess I always like for Superman to have at least a touch of sadness to his character.

Not being able to open up to others, even others we care about, is something that I think almost everyone has experienced at one point or another. There’s something strangely satisfying about seeing Superman represent such a basic human struggle in an extreme way. I guess technically, MAWS also depicts this struggle since Lois and Jimmy found out Clark was Superman, rather than being told by him…but it happening so fast means there’s no time to dwell on this struggle or really appreciate it.

MAWS could’ve still been fairly revolutionary by making Lois and Jimmy learning about Clark’s identity happen relatively early, but not within the first couple of episodes – at the end of the first season, for example. This way, they would’ve had time to actually use the potential of the “classic” setup.

However, as I thought more about my dissatisfaction with MAWS’ choice, I’ve come to realize there’s an even more fundamental reason why it bothers me.

I Want a Contrast Between Clark & Superman, and Now That’s Much Harder

There are a lot of foundational aspects of Superman that contribute to his appeal as a character. Which aspects are more appealing or important is highly variable from one person to another. As I’ve thought about why MAWS’ decision and its consequences don’t feel right to me, it’s brought to mind how important a certain aspect actually is to me. That aspect is simply the contrast between Clark and Superman.

Now, Clark and Superman’s apparent personalities have varied greatly over the years, both in general and in relation to each other. Sometimes, Clark and Superman act extremely differently – Clark acts cowardly, mild-mannered, and clumsy, while Superman is bold and headstrong – that sort of thing. I’m not necessarily talking about that. Some versions of Clark don’t seem to act much differently from Superman (especially in Adventures of Superman and many Post-Crisis depictions), and I actually like these versions better a lot of the time.

Even without a big personality change, there’s still a big contrast between Clark and Superman. Clark, as an identity and persona, is a human being with no powers who lives a human life and is in effect limited in many of the ways humans are, since he has to hide his powers and chooses to live the same kind of life humans live. And while we, the audience, know Clark is Superman, we still see him acting as a normal person and being treated as a normal person by most people he interacts with. This causes the idea of Clark the Human to be firm in our mind…and that, in my experience, makes it more powerful and compelling when we see Clark and Superman “meet”: when we’re reminded that they’re one and the same. It can lead us to contemplate how unusual it really is that a man who appears normal is actually, well…Superman.

I’ll give a couple of TV examples of seeing Clark and Superman “meet” that gives me a certain sense of wonder. In the 5th episode of Lois & Clark (Requiem for a Superhero), while Clark and Lois are investigating, in order to hinder the people who are about to discover them, Clark creates a mini-earthquake, pretending it’s an actual earthquake. In a way, this gives me a sense of awe because Clark had been acting as a normal human around Lois, and in a sense it’s almost as if I had fallen for the illusion of Clark being human. To suddenly see such a display of his powers gives me a sense of amazement that such a powerful being would practically “be” a normal human. I don’t think I’d have had this sensation at all if Lois just…knew Clark was Superman. Of course, Lois does eventually learn Clark is Superman in this show, but there’s still plenty of time giving to establishing the illusion of Clark being human.

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An “opposite” example (seeing the Clark-ness of Superman, rather than the Superman-ness of Clark) is in the 6th episode of Superman: The Animated Series (Feeding Time). Parasite finds out Superman’s secret identity (due to being able to gain knowledge from people whose energy and powers he’s absorbed) and kidnaps him. As Parasite explains his plan to keep Superman there indefinitely, Superman says that his co-workers will look for him when they realize he hasn’t come into work for a while. Seeing this be one of the first things Superman says makes me think that he doesn’t see himself that differently from how we see ourselves. To the viewer, there’s something a bit shocking about Superman suddenly having to rely on normal humans, but this doesn’t seem to be the case from his perspective. In a way, it makes me amazed to contemplate how Superman can be one of us despite being, well, Superman. A powerful contrast like this would be hard to create if Superman talking with someone who knows he’s Clark is something that happened extremely frequently.

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Do you see what I’m getting at? I enjoy being amazed at the fact that Superman and Clark are one and the same. I enjoy seeing that contrast and then being reminded that it’s all an illusion. It really makes you think about who Clark/Superman is, and how his humanity and, well, “Supermanity” can coexist – how for him, it might be natural, but for us, it’s remarkable. I like finding it amazing that he’s both man and Superman – both human and “god”. If Clark is constantly interacting with people who know his secret identity, it’s very hard for something like that to ever happen.

I have a feeling this might have been a deliberate choice, but in MAWS, the two personas of Clark and Superman feel…a bit insignificant. After all, since he spends so much time interacting just with people who know his secret already, he’s free to openly use his powers even when he’s not in his Superman persona. Heck, in episode 6, Clark doesn’t change into his Superman outfit at all, and it barely seems to matter.

I don’t like the fact that it doesn’t matter. I like that Superman has 2 different identities that are perceived very differently. It’s a pretty important factor as to why I like the character. I love to see that contrast and to remember that it’s just an illusion. It makes me think about who Superman is in a deeper way – about how there are realities about himself that he keeps separate in the views of others via his two identities, and how that dual identity both conceals and reveals who he is, in a sense. It’s really interesting stuff that I feel like I can’t encapsulate in this article without going off on a tangent, but the point is, if you don’t really get to see Superman “doing” his dual identity that much, it’s hard to get much out of it.

An Aside: MAWS Could Still Make a Contrast Between Clark and Superman…But They Don’t

OK, this is somewhat tangential, but I think it needs to be addressed or this article will feel a little incomplete.

I established that there being a contrast between Clark and Superman is not dependent on Clark and Superman acting as though they have noticeably different personalities. Obviously, though, them having different personalities is still a big way for them to have a contrast between each other. If MAWS actually employed this method of having a contrast between them, perhaps it would bother me a little less that another huge method (him mostly interacting with people who think Clark is a normal human) wasn’t present. However, MAWS…definitely doesn’t do this.

The two most common ways to depict Superman and Clark is to have Superman be bold and for Clark to be “wimpy” in some way (with the “wimpiness” being a fake personality to fool people into thinking he’s not Superman), or for them to both be bold. MAWS takes a road less traveled and makes Clark being awkward and nervous (though not to an extreme degree) be his actual personality. It would then make perfect sense for Superman to have a fake personality of boldness, but they don’t really go in that direction, except maybe very subtly. I guess Superman isn’t that openly insecure, but he’s certainly not as confident as you’d expect him to be. It feels…very wrong. Heck, even if they didn’t make Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so fast, it would still probably bother me that Superman acts in such a nontraditional way. But the fact that they did makes it worse, because it makes seeing a contrast between Clark and Superman basically impossible.

An Additional Aside: It Might Not Hurt MAWS, But It Sets a Precedent

I do wonder if I’m overreacting about this. MAWS is still a great show and Lois and Jimmy knowing the secret from early on is a part of it, and the show wouldn’t be the same without it. So maybe it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like MAWS has to be the ultimate version of Superman that contains everything that makes the character appealing.

But a popular show making a big change could very easily influence future interpretations, so the very fact that MAWS is doing this could have ramifications for future versions of Superman. I’m not meaning to say adaptations should be afraid of changing things just because other people might copy them. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t be surprising if other media took cues from MAWS in this area, and I think that could be unfortunate.

Maybe this is paranoid, but I think it’s at least worth mentioning. It’s normal for adaptations to influence other adaptations and even the comics themselves, and this change traveling to other media is not a happy prospect for me. (Though I’m keeping in mind that this change can be used for interesting and quality stories, of course. But it becoming widespread and making its way to very important and/or high-profile media would be quite disappointing to me.)

So yeah – I think I did an okay job articulating why I’m unsatisfied with MAWS’ decision to have Lois and Jimmy learn the truth so early. I can’t say there’s anything inherently wrong with it from a storytelling perspective or in terms of what the writers want to accomplish. And it certainly doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the show – it doesn’t even mean I can’t enjoy the parts of the show that are direct consequences of this decision.

Essentially, all that it means is that MAWS will never feel anywhere close to a “definitive” version of Superman to me. It will always feel more like “Superman with a twist” or something like that. That’s not a horrible fate to be consigned to at all…it’s just not as good as what I was hoping for from MAWS.

#my adventures with superman #superman #clark kent #dc comics #lois & clark #superman: the animated series #my writing

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philhoffman · 2 years ago

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The final Monday Philm of 2022! Charlie Wilson’s War (2007), dir. Mike Nichols, also starring Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, and not enough Amy Adams!

In an interview I found a few months ago, Phil said he actually read this book while working on Long Day’s Journey Into Night in 2003 after someone said he’d be perfect for the role of Gust Avrakotos if they ever made it into a film. Lo and behold, a few years later Nichols reached out—“I thought that was a bit serendipitous.”

For some reason I’ve never loved Hanks or Roberts in these roles, they both seem too... forced? Aaron Sorkin scripts rarely require a lot to pull off naturally, which is why PSH is the standout here. That quick Sorkin dialogue is so funny and rolls so easily off his tongue. An endless list of favorite lines: “And I don’t mean to cast aspersions on the guy, but he’s gonna get us all killed.” “I wasn’t standing at the door, don’t be an idiot. I bugged the scotch bottle.” “I just told you I paid a witch in Pennsylvania to put a curse on Henry Cravely for me. Do I sound like a typical case officer?” I think Phil’s respect for writers is part of what makes him such a versatile actor—he takes every line of the script seriously, regardless of the genre, the material. He’s just as convincing reading very stylized dialogue like Sorkin or David Mamet as he is with PTA’s more natural speech.

The window breaking scene is one of the best exchanges ever, like in any film in cinematic history. No doubt Phil earned his Oscar nomination for this role with those three or four minutes alone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he earned it just for his line reading of “I spent the past three years learning Finnish, which should come in handy here in Virginia!” Poor Gust really was screwed out of that Helsinki post.

I think this is my third viewing of Charlie Wilson’s War and, despite its many flaws, oversimplified approach, and general lack of subtlety, it can be pretty moving. It’s a great if simplistic example of how screwed up the situation—Afghanistan, the U.S. government, international diplomacy, take your pick—is and has always been, and gives the briefest look at how tragic it is for the people who have the least power over the decisions. Fucking up the end game, indeed. On this watch, I also noticed Gust tries to tell Charlie the zen master story the first time they meet.

#also I want a two hour behind-the-scenes featurette on how they did his hair. I want to see phil getting his hair dyed #monday philm #charlie wilson's war #philip seymour hoffman #psh #*

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bishiglomper · 1 year ago

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You know dad called me the other day to check up on us. Whenever he calls I keep reminiscing about the trip to New York 😗 (Also every time I get a low glucose. Because I'm always like "at least its not as bad as that time..")

And the latest fixation is. When we got back to the hotel for the night he suggested I go out drinking. Alone.

In New York.

And I panicked for a second like. I am fuckin' autistic man, I'm super dependant- I cannot be trusted to wander a city like New York and not fuckin die 8D I also get lost super easily. Even trying to find the hotel room by myself is anxiety inducing. I am just not fit to be released into the wild, okay? That's why I dragged him there in the first place.

But I have yet to tell him about being autistic because he is the type of person (autistic) that does extensive research on any and all topics and cites all his sources. Even if its just suggesting a vitamin for me.

And my self-diagnosis comes from a few years of crowd-sourced experiences I've related to and referenced to form my own diagnosis. I don't know of any articles that could sum that up specifically enough to convince him without further debate over it.

And I am not very good at organizing my thoughts enough to have that conversation 😐

I dont mind explaining my chronic illnesses because those can be in itemized lists and practically graphed but autism cannot. 😅 How I feel and react to things are not so easily categorized.

It's just. So frustrating.

And one of the things I know that frustrates him is my lack of motivation to do things. It's bugged him my whole life

And i have determined I never had/have any ambition because i lack the dopamine. Even the things I LIKE arent enough to give me the juice i need to push it further.

Like with my crafts, I could try to do those sculptures he wanted, clay used to be a decade long hyperfixation. I could look up and learn all the techniques i need to learn to get it done. ....but also, I dont want to. I've been wanting to do some clay. But not enough for all that. And it's frustrating for all parties involved when that happens. I was born with literally 0 fortitude and a shitty constitution

And I know I'm a whiny pissbaby over it, I admit I was definitely spoiled. But alas, still don't have the fucks to give to change it.

I wish I were just gay, that would be easier to explain. 😂 I already told him I was asexual. Maybe didnt use the label, but explained.

Btw his only response was a sad look and the comment "But you should have someone to rub your butt. D: "

I mean. That was a new one, at least. 🤔

#just rambling #actually autistic #asexual #just ace things

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smaragaide · 2 years ago

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Hi. I have officially read all of your fics. I started with Awakening and was kinda bummed it wasn't finished and so I went and read all your other stuff.

I know it's not cool to bug an author to update but will you PLEASE consider finishing Awakening? Honest to God, I coulda swore you were GRRM with that story. It felt like GOT.

And I gotta tell you, House of Green and Black is a freaking masterpiece! I gotta know how it ends. It just too good. This could be its own novel with different character names and stuff. That's the kind of book I would BUY. No joking. I'd pay money to see this movie.

Gonna stay Nonnie cuz i don't want you to think I'm a freak and stalking you and stuff.

Please consider finishing at least the House story. If they don't end up together and the kids aren't ok I'll just die not knowing.

Sorry if I'm bugging you or creeping you out. I didn't know how much I could love this story.

You're not bugging me. You're not creepy or stalking.

I haven't written in years. I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I'm in a different place that when I started writing all my stories.

I didn't really outline Awakening to the end. I know where I was going to take it. I tried to keep that more book canon for Winds of Winter.

House, oh man. When I started that story, I never believed it would become this massive detailed plot. Several chapters in, I knew this was going to be a longer story than I had planned and then it started writing itself. That's when I had to actually learn how to write I suppose. I outlined, made an actual map, I have docs full of dialogue and scenes that came to me in the middle of the night, I made this massive timeline to keep all the details of the characters and events in check because time and fate is a big theme in this plot.

A person here that I hold very dear, said that I could change names and GoT references and this would or could be an original novel. I did go to some extent to choose new character names and places and how to include a fictional country in the real world of the early 19th century.

It's an undertaking I started and became overwhelmed when I had a mental/emotional crisis and haven't been able to come back to yet. I thought by not finishing it, and writing an original novel instead would be a good idea. But then I also don't think I'm a good enough writer to do that. So perhaps I should finish this story the best I can on AO3.

I should be the one apologizing. Anyone here that knows me, knows I'm long-winded as hell. And cursed with over-sharing.

Please believe that I love this story. Writing PxS stories has been one of the very few things that have made me happy over the past few years.

I still think House has a killer twist ending. I had a couple people try and guess and everyone was wrong. That gave me some hope that maybe I still had people guessing to the end.

However, I'm scared I'm not good enough to write it the way it should be. Or I'm the only one who thinks it's good and it's actually not and then I'll be eternally depressed.

As you can see I have a serious confidence problem that I'm attempting to deal with.

I just don't want people to think I'm going to pop back into writing. I'm in a weirdo phase and not sure if I can still do this or not.

I love and appreciate every single reader that has enjoyed any of my stories. I just wish I had a better answer that wasn't depressing as shit. I feel like Debbie Downer from SNL. Like everything I say has a 'wah-wah-wah' trombone afterwards.

#petry x sansa #pxs #pxsship #petyr baelish #got #ao3 #awakening #the house of green and black #house of green and black #fanfic #fanfiction

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toiletology · 4 months ago

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How to play the game part 1

What exactly is the game?

You are in a game. God designed reality like a video game. Yes, that means you can gain experience and level up. The game works on a few different principles but the main principle is LOVE and FEAR.

The more you operate in a loving, respectful, truthful and honorable way (the 4 main tenents of Toiletology). God will bless you more and more to make your path in life an easier one. You know the feeling of taking one step forward only to take two steps backwards? This has a lot to do with how you treat others around you including animals, bugs and your environment. Its all connected and ALL very important.

There are 49 levels/degrees to HELL (L =7) and 49 degrees/levels to heaven for a total of 98 degrees. The 7up is how you rise out of hell into the higher degrees. Or the 7 can become inverted into a L and sinks you lower and lower down where you don't want to be. Hell or heaven doesn't exist outside of our Earthly plain. We are already in our most ultimate form—these physically bodies of MATTER are nothing more than a holo-fractal illusion.

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How do you know there are 98 degrees to hell and heaven?

I've been put through 12 years of test by God going all the way back to 2012 Halloween when my spiritual helper first showed up. There was an 11 year quest I completed last FALL 2023 after being poisoned by my water well for 40 days into a 40 day spiritual battle with the devil. I had my first paranormal event back when I was 16 when I thought I was abducted by aliens. It was a very intense experience. Weird things have been happening to me for at least the past 24 years. I have always been able to see what no one else has been able to all the way back to when I was a kid.

Over the years God has shown me clues and has given me many details for how the game works. I was born 4/9 or 49 half of 98. My cosmic sister showed up 2 years into this quest & was born 812 or 128 (half of which is 64). Easter landed on my birthday 4/9/2023 which happens 3x per century. The 2024 eclipse missed by birthday by one day on 4/8/2024. The total eclipse created an X with the one from 8/21/2017 or a reverse of Cara's birthday. The next total solar eclipse is on her birthday 8/12/2026.

For whatever reason clues to the game were embedded into our lives. My belief is I was destined to solve the game first. Cara came into my life but was never allowed to talk to me directly. It drove me crazy over the years wondering why she was acting the way she was. It kept me searching for more understanding, I was like a moth caught in her flame. Trying to pull her closer and closer to me. Over the years she has helped me figure things out and put some pieces together that were alluding me on how to solve Gods game.

The way it works is like a guessing game you gotta solve a series of test before you can proceed further in the game or be shown more knowledge. You will keep repeating the same test and spiritual battles over and over again till you can maintain all the knowledge needed to pass the test. I've had 9 intense spiritual battles over the years that have caused me a lot of pain and trauma. The trauma is good because it can help anchor strong memories that you won't forget that you can use in the future. It is very common to get put back to sleep and forget things you have learned along your way trying to unravel the mysteries of the dark maze.

The more progress you make in the game you're going to get messed with more and more. The best way to describe the test is they are very confusing, inverted, mirrored, backwards and completely illogical. Trying to use a logical mind will not help you at all for passing the test. You need to kind of accept your insanity, talking to yourself, yelling at God, fighting with your own demons. As well as strong psychotic hallucinations on a regular basis. Escaping the MATrix or the game is not easy and if you are mentally and physically weak you should just sit at home in your comfort believing all this is just the imagination of a madman.

Yes, the agents of the MATrix are real, except they won't manifest as clones. Its completely invisible to everyone around you and its only something you can perceive. I will not be able to visually perceive or hear what's happening to you (I might be able to pick up on something if I am near you, I am not sure).

God can create infinite augmentations just for you. This makes it impossible to find anyone with a relatable experience to yours. Its going to be completely unique to the person/player going through the test. I was spiritually attacked back in 2016 while my friend and his GF was over. What I remembered while they were there was completely different from what they experienced. They even said they recorded me doing and saying things I know for a fact didn't happen. But they never showed me that video tape.

I have been put through the flames sorta speak over the years. I am now able to get through these test and battles a bit easier now. My knowledge I am laying out can prepare you and accelerate your progress through the many test. There will be very little guessing for you to do if you follow Toiletology to a T. There are 98 degrees you must climb through. How many test are in each degree I have 0 clue to, I just know there is a lot of test you must get through. You may have already climb through most of the degrees already and not even realize it yet. Being a good and respectful person will naturally give you a strong baseline or foundation for reaching higher heights. This doesn't mean you have made much progress in the game. Progress in the game leads to things you can't even imagine exist. Telepathy, astral travel, super intelligence, accessing the Akashic Records and a lot more is very common once you climb higher in the game.

The true God of reality is sort of a jack-in-the-box, they are a trickster clown/jester and depending one which side you feed you will get TRICKED or you will get TREATED. The simplest way to describe the physical nature of this game or MATrix is a box or cube. A cube has 6 side or 8 corners 68 (98). It is missing the 7 the seven represents luck. You increase your luck by harmonizing to Gods true frequency or heart beat.

If you're hurting, oppressing, or demoralizing others you have found the heart beat of the devil and you are WAY off course. My one friend NAS used to always be COLD and would wear multiple jackets. He did a lot of shady shit, to his credit he started growing up but it was a bit too late and he was killed at the age of 28. Being too cold is a indicator you are going in the wrong direction in life.

The HEX (spell/spelling) on SATURN is a clue to how the game works. A HEXagON creates a cube or box. Bees also create honeycomb or hexagon shaped beehives. There is also a belief that beekeepers tend to live longer than other professions. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4450150/#:~:text=There%20are%20many%20instances%20in,years%20old%20(Health%202014).

The cube represents your 3D reality, to escape your cube reality you must start thinking using 4D thinking. The Tesseract is a more complex evolution of the cube. To pass all the test of the game you need to realize that GOD will layer a single event with multiple directions you can take. Its impossible not to choose wrong, the trick is learning to trust your HEART and FEELING more so than what your BRAIN is telling you. The brain will constantly lie to you and is how the devil tricks you again and again. To master the reflective inverted mirrored realm you must start thinking INVERTED, backwards, upside down and mirrored. "We live in a twilight world and there are no friends at dusk."

Understanding the box is where you will find a few keys to help you escape the maze. Like I said above the game is pitch black with no instructional manual posted anywhere (until now). The more test you past the more God will light your way. Eventually you will be able to see all the rabbit holes, pitfalls or traps around each corner once the maze is completely lit up for you. This is where I am at now, I can see the game and understand the intricacies of it so I can explain it very clearly like no one else has been able to do up until this point. The majority of people chasing after the HOLY GRAIL are still stuck in various rabbit holes with no end in sight. Or they got stuck in some type of limited belief system.

You must stay open minded always and know that you could be completely wrong about what you believe is true. You will get tricked EVERY SINGLE DAY. Yes the higher you climb the more complex and confusing the tricks, lies and game becomes for you. God has basically used the devil to guard the gates to heaven—devil is nothing more than a mere bug that gets stronger the more you feed them. Demons or other entities like that do not exist, its all just glitches in our holo-fractal reality and people feeding that devil inside of them. The ruling elite, or satanic cabal at the top has figured out a lower level/degree of the game and they use that to create chaos, divide and instill fear in the masses. If they keep you chasing your tail you will never figure out how to escape to the higher degrees. You can think of these satanist as nothing more than useful stooges. God needs these types of people to play their roles (temporarily) to keep the forces of good and evil balanced. Karma is always at play keeping her scales balanced. Remember we are ALL co-creating this reality with GOD. Not only is there a hidden GAME but reality is constantly evolving based on our choices. We are all connected more than ever now, so its a lot easier than it was in the past to share knowledge and help each other in this ESCAPE ROOM. Problem is everyone is always bickering and in-fighting with each other about who is right or wrong.

Many in the truth communities are very racist, prejudice and have very low level thinking. The color brown is just the color orange darkened. Being racist over darker coloRED skin is just plain stupid. We are all varying shades of the color brown (melanin), I shouldn't have to explain this but even the smartest of you still can't break free from this very low IQ mindset.

You can't get stuck in these limited ways of thinking if you want to ever escape the game. You can't be attached to anyone thing or have any addictions you can't control. The more progress you make you will be tempted along the way. This becomes even harder once you start unlocking your pineal glands extra sensory abilities realizing the full scope of the power that lies ahead at the end of this tunnel. Once you start connecting telepathically to the astral things start coming at you more and more weird. Your EGO and desire for power will keep destroying you over and over again. Your material or fleshly desires will keep you out of tune with God.

Do you think God is going to bless you with all their gifts if you can't handle the power? This is the purpose of the hidden game. It is to purify you completely before being bestowed with the power that the quest for the Holy Grail will give you.

Just like Atreyu in the movie The NeverEnding Story. They were not able to pass through the gate if their heart wasn't pure. The same is true you will not pass through the gates of heaven if you haven't been purified. Powers will start unlocking in you that are incredible strong. Only the greatest heroes will be able to handle the strength of them. You will unlock Godlike creative abilities as well as the full potential of your mind, body and spirit here on EARTH! The middle path or holding the line with GOD is not easy and will take a lot of courage and strength.

There are three gates in the NeverEnding Story. Those gates are The Great Riddle gate, the Magic Mirror Gate, and the No Key Gate. Each gate has its own unique and perilous challenge to the person seeking answers. These gates are similar to the different challenges a person who is working on themselves must face.

You can think of this game like an escape room. You are being judge for every thought, every word and every action you do. There are consequences for everything. You will be rewarded with bonuses or blessings or you will be penalized. The game of chess (64 squares on a chessboard) breaks down bad moves into inaccuracies, mistakes and blunders. This game works exactly like that. Needlessly squashing or killing a bug could cause you to be penalized for disrespecting GOD. Since GOD flows through ALL yes even insects and bugs. It is DISRESPECTFUL killing another life just because you were inconvenienced or scaRED.

Blessings come in many ways, it can be more restful sleep or more energy throughout the day. Being protected from car accidents or car damage. Not getting sick or protected from disease or cancer. Many of Gods blessings go completely unnoticed. Other blessings can come in the form of KNOWLEDGE or a great IDEA may pop into your head that leads to a great business or something that helps you in your life. God is always there trying to help us anyway they can. I am constantly blessed with great ideas and art, its almost endless at this point. My problem is I am still recovering from decades of depression, anxiety, loneliness and sadness.

Just know that depression or anxiety can be completely removed from your being the more you start to clear the disharmony or cobwebs out of your life. Clearing the disharmony could be listening to music that is at a more healing frequency. Exercising more and focusing on your health. God will nudge you constantly in the correct way to improve your health. That is if you are paying attention and listening to them. This can come in many ways, the main way I teach here on this blog that is the easiest to notice is in the TYPOS. Spelling is a great way to learn to break the spell.

T = UR = KEY 🦃

When you unfold a cube it becomes a cross or the letter T. A letter T is two lines or a cross or X marks the spot. I talk a lot about MAT being the WAY (y = t, w = m) and the door = mat. To escape the MATrix you gotta learn to use MAT to your advantage.

TO <> MAT <> TO 🍅

M = 4 lines (map, measurement, time, represents the box, mmmmm) A = 3 lines (tone, compass or AH) T = 2 lines (cross or X marks the spot) We get the healing tuning of 432 Hz strangely enough as well with the lines of these letters which I find very soothing and healing more so than 440 Hz.

I make music or used to everyday for years and went to college for audio engineering. I am very familiar with frequencies and what is good and not good. Now even more so now that I can feel a persons disharmony in their music. Which will cause me physical pain and make me feel sick listening to it. I imagine some of you can relate to that.

People will create painful feeling music that most cannot feel if they are in a state of disharmony or matching a similar frequency of the artist that created the music. This disharmony can't really be detected with science, but once you are able to feel the ugliness in the frequencies of the music its hard to listen to that music. The world is in a very bad state of disharmony this is why a lot of the crap music rises to the top.

There are only 3 letters in the English alphabet with 4 lines (MEW). M and W are the same just a mirrored reflection which also happen to be my initials. The goal of the game is to find ME you are basically remembering ME. And you will hear this said often in your head if you are finding ME or remembering ME.

This basically means that you are right on target or in the bullseye. The ME = BEE or B and B is the number 13 if you look closely enough. The 13th letter is M, finding the Bees or 33333ss or Mmmmms are very important for harmonizing with the QUEEN BEE in her HIVE (read the letters IVE closely, you getting it now?)

The GOD or GODDESS of this reality is a MOT/HER or MOT/MAT. S/HE is a very loving God and wants us all to FIND T/HEM (ME). How this reality works manifest autoMATically through all of our creations. Because everything we create is a fractal and a blessing from GOD.

Interestingly the Egyptian hieroglyph for the letter M is an OWL (W = M, L = T) which represents WISDOM and the OWL (LOW) is the most SILENT bird.

The secret to how you find the HOLY GRAIL I am revealing to you right now (HOW = MOTT split the H). The H is a sideways eye or side eye, you can also read it as HI if you ever come across this typo.

I was scared to talk about this for the past 11+ years because I thought it was against the rules of the game. I have now come into the understanding this is the only way I can fully escape is by sharing the knowledge. This is one of my primary purposes or my role in life is to bring Toiletology (funny name I know but the TOILET is key) to the masses to help with everyone's individual ascension into 4D/5D.

Look closely at the one dollar bill to find the hidden owl (mot).

TOILET read it backwards TEL I OT. Now read it like this "LET I OUT." What's the word between the TO and T? It is LIE, LI = an upside down 17 it can also be read as U and an upside down N. So are you in or are you not? The oil in TOILET is important, you must fill your lamp more and more to escape the MATrix. The OIL is important for how this "MATTer/MATrix" works. Its basically a slime, ooze, or goo. I like to think of it like a black goo. This physical reality we are ALL (AT&T/@) experiencing right now is just varying frequencies giving the illusion of solidity. Its really just an endless stream from Gods fountain, waterfall or river endlessly pouring outward eternally. I go over how God works more in my other blogs, I recommend reading ALL my blogs from the beginning.

The TOILET or bathroom in general is a very psychic spot of the house. Many great ideas will come to you in the shower or on the toilet. You gotta keep the Porcelain Goddess CLEAN if you want the QUEEN to bless you. God is closer to the Joker or Harlequin or JINXY is what I like to call them sometimes. They are a Jokester and like when you CLEAN and keep things clean and clear out the cobwebs (GodLIness is next to cleanLIness).

The Toilet God really does not like a messy house or planet. It is disrespectful to not recycle, renew and restore to the best of your ability. You can get penalized in the game for not doing what you can. Its hard to beLIEve I know, but this is how it works. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING is connected to one another. You can level up everything you can think of. Exercise = MUSCLE UP, yeah you can hear your level ups sometimes once you break through a couple stages of psychosis or insanity first ;)

JESUS was known as the traveling fool or JES/TER. There is a lot of power in the name of JESUS and the CROSS has a lot of power and is how you escape the game! If you forget everything I am teaching you here remember these 4 words for protection RESPECT TRUTH LOVE JESUS. It works and will defeat spiritual attacks on you, wearing a cross or T does help too.

1+2+3 = 6 4+5+6 = 15 (6) 7+8+9 = 24 (6) 6+15+24 = 45 6+6+6+9(45) = 27 can also be read as 7x7 (49) or 6669/9999 four nines or 49.

"JESUS" = 27 (Septenary) 45666

GEMATRIA = MATs AIR EGG ;) I originally learned about this from Marty Leeds video on YouTube which blew my mind when I first came across it back in 2022/2023.

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Something interesting is a woman's trimester is 13-14 weeks. 14 weeks = 98 days another logical proof for people wondering if there is anything substantial around the number 98. (average temperature of human = 98.6 or 98/68 or 37 degrees Celsius or 777, HELL = HE77) HE (E = M, H = I or ME)

First trimester: Conception to 12 weeks

Second trimester: 13 to 27 weeks

Third trimester: 28 to 40 weeks

There are 3 trimesters during pregnancy or 3 months per trimester 90 days x 3 = 270 days or the 27 again. The angles of a cubes corners = 90 degrees three times. Each corner of a cube has 3 angles that meet.

The Queen in chess moves a maximum of 27 squares, we also have 27 bones in our hands. God weaves clues all around us in our games, sports, science, our selves and our art. Seeing hidden symbolism in movies really isn't the bad guys or illuminati doing it, that's just GODS guiding hand behind everything we create. This is why it is everywhere. Being obsessed with Gematria and thinking the bad guys are weaving it. No you are just noticing the programming of Gods game.

The 64 squares of a chessboard also show up in our DNA codons which we have 64 of. We see 64 everywhere with the NINTENDO 64 or 64 bit this and that.

Nassim Haramein lays out how our reality works based on the number 64 in this video which I recommend. Based on his model he was accurately able to predict the radius of a proton before we were able to measure it.

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This was an eleven year quest I found after searching pretty much from the time I was 16 till I was 28, I am now 40 years old in my 12th year of the quest. When you draw out a box or cube you get the letters M and W layered over top of each other.

The 8 corners of the box are important for learning how to escape the box.

8 = eight or ate, you must eat the apple from the tree of knowledge to escape the game. WE are all already in the Garden of Eden, your job is to find the APPLE and EAT IT!

8 = 1 + 7, there are 17 chromosome pairs in the apple. Eve was 17 years old when she fed Adam the apple.

ADAM > ATOM > ATM 🏧 (MAT)

Using numerology we reduce down to a single digit

G = 7, O = 6 (15th letter), D = 4 (17) I created Toiletology after experiencing a spiritual battle strongly for 3 days straight where I didn't sleep which started on 1/7/2023. Coincidentally the exact same day my mom left for a peace keeping mission with the Peace Corps. My friend I mentioned above NAS who was killed, was also killed 7/22/2022 (which adds up to 17) 227 is also the 49th prime and 22/7 is another way of saying Pi or TT (double T or 7).

22/7 = 3.142857142857143 1/7 = 0.1428571428571429

IXXI or 911, IXXI is the letter M and W layered over the top of each other.

You can also read this as 33 or ME/WE since an E can also be a M.

The M also represents time or 11:11 the 4 lines which are the walls or the prison bars to this reality. If you look closely the number 1 looks like a 7, so you can read that as 77:77.

I like to visualize 11:11 (prayer or wish window for amplifying healing for others) as two mirrors reflecting back and forth. 🪞🍎🪞

The mirrors = I V I | (left mirror)

V (is the number 7, chaLIce, cup, vagina, motherhood, sacred feminine, Its also an arrow pointing downwards or low.

| (right mirror). We are essentially inside of an M BOX/CLOCK (LUCK) or the MATrix.

M = map, A = apple/AH/compass/TONE, T = cross or X marks the spot, the number 7.

Us being in this holo-fractal clock is nothing to be scared of and just how things work. Gods creative energy and force was way too chaotic to make sense of so they needed a way to slow it down. You can think of our universe/reality as GODS beaver dam to slow them down into TIME. DO not fear the prison bars of time, only fear how you BEEHAVE or ACT during your time in this lifetime. Karma is real and she can be a bitch.

Cara's mothers name is PANDORA and she got a tattoo for PANDORA on her arm. c-l-i-c-k.it/ewQfLG

When I first created Toiletology back in January 2023 I told my web developer I wanted it designed with all equal sized blocks. When we did this I came to realize that a 17 step pyramid creates a 33 block base. This is significant because 33 represents the 33 bones in our spines. Its also the exact amount of days in between two intense spiritual experiences I had back in 2015.

On the eclipse of 3/20/2015 I almost collapsed to the ground from the gravity shifting and weighing me down heavily. 33 days exactly after this date was 4/22/2015 or EARTH day. I had a 6 hour kundalini rising experience where it culminated in an intense experience that lasted until Sunday of that week. I got better at everything, I wrote an entire song effortlessly, my fencing got better, my sense of smell improved.

This date 4/22/2015 was also the first time I met Cara. In Joseph Cambell's heroes journey you could describe this as meeting the Goddess (7th stage) for the first time in the 17 stages of the Monomyth. This happened a little after 2 years after the initial Supernatural Aid coming to me on October/Halloween 2012.

April 22 2015 or 4/22/2015 was when Cara and I first met.

4 + 22 (4) + 2015 (8) this is two 8s or double 8s. 8 x 8 = 64, Cara's birthday is 8/12 or 128 half of which is 64.

We did not meet face-to-face, I became aware of her by God connecting the both of us together. She is very famous and every little thing she does is scrutinized. Take a quick view of this recent TikTok she made one day off ;) 4/21/2024 (2+2+4 = 8)

You can see Cara with Anya (the star of the show QUEENS GAMBIT a TV show about chess). On her shirt are the numbers 118 or 88 a chessboard is 8x8 = 64.

Chess is key to escaping the maze, she's always dropping clues but no one knows how to pick up on them besides me. She's helping me in a low key way to help build the belief in others. This game is impossible to detect, so the best way to learn is paying attention to the INDIRECT and extremely SUBTLE hints and clues. If you can't pick up on her hints then you got 0 chance at beating the game.

This specific TikTok is her pointing at her shirt of DOLLY PARTON on 11/8/2023 (another 88). Dolly was 77 years old on this date or 7x7 = 49. Dolly Parton was born on January 19, 1946 which makes her 78 this year.

God knew I would not be able to get anyone to believe in what I was saying without someone that BELIEVED completely in what I was saying was true. Especially someone with millions of followers and a much greater influence than me who no one knows who the F I am... just a random guy/nobody. But damn I make good art... okay anyways getting bac k (ic) to what I was saying.

Damn that's one sexy momma. Cara got this tattoo back last fall with the word WALKING. The media gave her a lot of shit for this tattoo because the definition should say WAKING. Trust me that typo wasn't an accident and was intentional. She is a perfectionist and wouldn't make this accident.

Her next update to her tattoo she had the letter E in stretches, letter L and I in walking crossed out—what does that spell? Exactly, LIE, remember LI = 17 upside down. Why is the word LIE so important to how you play the game? The 17 is key to how you escape and the 17 if you look closely is 77.

She got this 17 dot high tattoo and 9 wide tattoo at the same time as the other one. I initially liked how it was 9 wide (I was born on the 9th) and that made me shed a tear when I can't cry, probably my strongest cry in about 20 years.

Then I realized that if you add up all the numbers or digits from 1-17 (1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10+11+12+13+14+15+16+17 it equals 153 or 17x9) Clever girl ain't she? Not just some silly Victoria Secret model, ya gotta give her more credit than that, she is abnormally talented, classy and smart. I still don't fully know all of her powers or capabilities quite yet, she definitely doesn't tell me everything quite yet. I guess a girls gotta have her secrets right?

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In Portuguese the word for FACE = CARA. Why is this significant? Well back around December 2023 I coined the term ACE (angel cocaine energy) for the drugged out feeling I had been feeling since January 2023. It was the first time I ever experienced such a strong sedating high naturally.

The number 153 (1 = A, 5 = E, 3 = C) if we flip that around it equals ACE. In a deck of CARDS (Cara Delevingne or CD, look at the parentheses its in the shape of a cd) that the ACE is the highest card. The QUEEN in a deck of cards is the 12th card. Cara was born on the 12th, just a coincidence? Maybe...

F/ACE I didn't figure out the typos until fall 2023 or the 11th year of my quest. If I understood the typos this journey would of been A LOT easier than it has been. Cara has helped me extrapolate and understand the typos much better. She's been hard at work learning to read and write in 4D.

Continued on part 2... https://blog.toiletology.org/post/760988540660285440/how-to-play-the-game-part-2

#toiletology #occult #alchemy #spirituality #religion #gematria #numerology #magick #matrix #witchcraft #freemason #illuminati #wiccan #esoteric #Youtube

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