#Its easier said than done but keep going!! people love you even if you dont feel it

[mangoscottch]

Well, my friend told me this once and it kind of stuck to me. He told me that whenever I feel hopeless, to think about the little things that I'll miss out on. And when he told me that I started thinking about all the little things like the feeling of getting into bed after a tiring day, getting into the covers and feeling warm, eating your favourite food, wearing your favourite shirt, watching your friends laugh and smile whenever they hear something funny, how big the sky is, and how just wonderful it is to be alive despite everything bad that may be happening at the moment. It might feel horrible at that moment but it really does get better. Theres always another day and it's never too late. I keep going so that I can play my guitar and sing with my friend on vc despite it being delayed, I live so that I can fall asleep while listening to my friends talk about something and wake up to them still rambling and laughing and to feel loved and appreciative of them. I keep moving forward to get better and to accept every small stumble or mistake I make, because I know that theres always a tommorow no matter what. The world doesn't stop, it keeps moving. And I want to catch up! One day I hope to be able to feel at home, and I will make sure I keep going no matter how hard or how horrible life can be.

I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site

I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are

You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose

Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[philtstone]

24. Showing up injured at their friend/mentor’s house: for shawn? :)

[emerges from writing this fic bloody and beaten and on the verge of collapse] ill explore karen vicks character in an overly complicated post-episode missing scene fic or die trying! set immediately post "right turn or left for dead". i genuinely dont know if im happy with this but i also cant figure out how to fix it. actually, it would have probably been easier to write if i was willing to rewatch the episodes its based on. which i am not, because i am a sensitive little soul. so i winged it. i think there are like 10 different ideas that crop up and theyre all equally fascinating as character threads but i have no idea if i tied them together in an even remotely coherent way. also, WOULD she say that??? i had to call my brother twice to ask. this is what yall get for sending me actually interesting prompts, huh

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Henry’s voice said on the phone. “I’ll send Shawn over with them on his way out. He's going in your direction, anyway.”

In her short tenure as the junior detective to Henry Spencer’s lieutenant, Karen Vick observed two things:

First, that he was a far more clever strategist than most people gave him credit for. Despite the ongoing wreckage of his impending divorce and a kid who was slipping through his fingers as everyone looked on, Karen didn’t agree with the other junior detectives’ impression of him as a smash-the-door-down old school hard ass with thinning hair and a worst attitude. The man played four dimensional chess right out of a bonafide Star Trek episode. When he really wanted something done, Henry Spencer could bullshit and bluff and battle plan with the pros, and half the time you’d get too caught up in the blustering misdirect to realize his game was intricately thought out three steps in advance.

It was how they caught the Shorttown Killer, and also how they got that idiot Trembley at the mayor’s office to finally replace their coffee maker. Karen went home to her then-boyfriend, now-husband, and, right before bed, pulled out an old school workbook and took notes.

The second thing was that Henry Spencer loved his son. 

Not a lot has changed since then, Karen thinks, staring down the weirdness that she now faces through her open front door.

“… Oh — Mr. Spencer,” Karen says, because it’s rude not to greet your employees when they show up at your home outside of work hours, and are also your old friend-slash-colleague’s kid. “Hello. Thanks for — bringing these over.”

“Dad said it was urgent,” Shawn says.

Urgent isn’t quite how Karen would describe it, but hearing through the grapevine that your department might be facing an audit sometime in the next quarter does light a fire under the proverbial ass. Karen would rather bend a few rules and make sure the last year’s i’s and t’s are dotted and crossed right than leave her detectives vulnerable to the whims of a mayoral stooge. 

In general, Karen prides herself on caring about the people under her command just enough that it inspires genuine friendship and loyalty. The just is important. Care needs tempering – it’s important to pull back, press pause, keep certain lines uncrossed. It’s especially important if you want to be successful as a woman in an authority position where lives are often on the line. 

What she’s saying is that she tries to make it none of her business what her employees get up to in their spare time. She really genuinely does. She’s shut O’Hara down gently midway through the twelfth sweetly-frazzled attempt to overshare about her dating life (or her efforts to befriend her next-door neighbor, or the endearing personality quirks of her last cat – rest in peace, Triscuit, you will be missed –) enough times to be well-versed in the art of I Won’t Ask, You Won’t Tell, But You’ll Probably Know I Care Anyway.

An invaluable rapport to maintain. In any situation, Karen thinks, but especially when you’re a person who regularly hires and works alongside Shawn Spencer.

She’s not sure whether what she’s looking at right now makes her want to second guess or double down on her usual policy. 

“Special delivery,” Shawn adds, like everything is super normal.

Karen narrows her eyes. She glances behind them into the quiet residential street.

“Shawn,” she says.

“Yes, Chief?”

“You didn’t drive here, did you?”

“Ha,” he says, half rolling his eyes to accompany a weird aborted grin. “No. Even I don’t think riding a motorcycle with a concussion is a good idea. What if someone who wasn’t me got hurt? That’s — that would be no good, then you’d have to arrest me. Wouldn’t that be a huge bummer for the whole team, Chief? Gus would cry. And my dad wouldn’t let me take his truck.”

Karen stares at him. Shawn stares at the ground.

“I got a cab,” he says.

“And you are … taking another cab – home?”

Shawn looks quite suddenly like he’s going to be sick.

“Sure,” he says. 

Shawn looks terrible. Bruised face, bags under his eyes, and a weird frenetic energy twitching in his limbs that doesn’t pair well with his general air of exhaustion. He’s holding his shoulders stiffly and can barely meet her eye. His t-shirt and sweatpants are rumpled, like he slept in them, even though it’s too early in the evening for Henry to have woken him up to send him here, and when he thrusts the promised files out into the air toward her, abrupt and, admittedly, Shawn-like, he only just hides the awkward wince that immediately overtakes his left side.

The last couple days have been a bit of a whirlwind, so Karen can’t say she necessarily blames herself for not looking more closely. 

Even so.

Slowly, Karen reaches forward and divests him of the case files. They slip a little bit, because Karen can’t seem to stop peering shrewdly at Shawn’s face while she does it, and on instinct he reaches forward to stop the stack from toppling. 

It does help, but the autopilot he moves on makes it harder to mask what is to Karen’s eyes a very obvious flinch. 

“Alright,” is all he says. “Well, good to see you. Time to head back to the old hay stack.”

Like a needle in a haystack and time to hit the hay, Karen supplies needlessly in her own head. Aloud, she says, in many ways against her better judgment, 

“Mr. Spencer, are you okay?”

Shawn sways on the spot for a second, one fist clenched, mouth half open. For a strange moment, Karen gets the impression that he’s trying really hard not to say the wrong thing.

“... As rain,” he finally manages, then nods to himself like he achieved some great feat. “Okay. Well –”

“Did something happen to your shoulder?” 

“What? No!” Shawn’s eyes flutter closed and he shakes his head, “I’m – fine, Chief. It’s not – I mean, I’m – normal, fine. Fine in a normal way.”

“That’s not something an individual who’s fine in a normal way would say,” Karen says. 

“Uh, is it not! It is. I would know, because I am that individual. It’s – I was – there’s just mild – pfft … stab wound – or something, who would even …”

Is Shawn broken? is the unhelpful thought that pops into Karen’s head. She’s never heard an attempt to bullshit collapse so quickly into pathetic nothingness before – certainly not from Shawn.

Perhaps even more than his father, the kid’s a pro.

And then the rest of the sentence catches up with her.

“A mild stab wound?”

Oh boy. She watches Shawn’s eyes widen with the panic that proceeds an unquestionable blunder.

“Chief –” 

“In.”

“Chief, I really, really don’t think –”

“Inside my house. Now.”

He’s certainly uncoordinated enough that he doesn’t put up much of a fight. Karen herds him  through the door as firmly as possible and leads them in a beeline past Richard’s office toward the bathroom, ignoring the reedy stream of consciousness that spills out of Shawn’s mouth as they go.

“Oh, hey, woah, it’s been like forever since I was in here. Did you redecorate? I swear that lamp wasn’t there the last time we visited. It could be the tacos I had earlier, but I’m sensing a distinct neo-modern Chinese aesthetic going on here, Chief, which calls to mind the merits of cultural appreciation in suburban home decor – hey, is that your husband’s office? Can I meet him? Is he home? That man is a true enigma to us, Chief, and it’s leading me to believe that he must possess all the facial and personality qualities of the pop superstar Mr. Pitbull Worldwide –”

Richard is home, actually, and Karen needs to alert him to the fact that they have an unexpected house guest, so, ignoring Shawn completely, she calls out,

“Honey? Shawn Spencer’s here for a couple minutes about a work thing! I’ll go up to put Iris to bed in a second!” in the finely-honed There Are Many Layers Of Complicated To This secret married tone that Richard should probably be able to catch through the closed office door. 

“Alright,” floats out her husband’s pleasant voice. “Tell him hi from me.”

Perfect. There’s about a ninety-three percent chance he understood.

They make it to the bathroom, only stumbling slightly. Shawn says,

“-- or The Rock. Does your husband look like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson? I really think that would make so many things about the Chief Vick family make sense –”

Karen closes the bathroom door with a snap and crosses her arms.

“Sit,” she says, in a voice that even he knows brooks no argument.

Shawn does. He looks – well, beyond uncomfortable, and more than a little bit miserable, and probably closer to completely dissociating than either of them are prepared for. Karen wonders belatedly if he's gotten any sleep at all in the last forty-eight hours.

“I’m assuming you have not been to the hospital.”

He gives her a baleful look, like he really expected better of her. She only just stops herself from rolling her eyes in response. And there’s that huge goose egg on his forehead, too. What, exactly, he got up to in between Carlton’s wedding reception and oh-eight-hundred hours this morning Karen has no idea, but he looks like someone’s run him through the world’s most aggressive industrial tumble dry cycle and spat him mercilessly back out. 

Or maybe over with a truck.

Sending a silent prayer to the universe that Iris never hit puberty and remains a sweet-tempered six-year-old forever, Karen gets to business.

“Well, I had to at least ask. Shawn. Does it need stitches?” He mumbles the answer the first time, and then looks beyond startled when she grabs him under the chin so he’ll look her in the eye. “Listen. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But you’re going to tell me the truth. Got it?”

Shawn grimaces so hard at her words it’s almost a flinch. 

“No,” he says finally, clearly enough that she hears him. Karen raises an eyebrow. “No, I don’t think it needs stitches,” he articulates, but doesn’t meet her eye.

“Hm. Alright. I have gauze and tape in the medicine cabinet. Can I … is it alright if I pull up the sleeve of your t-shirt?”

Released from her hold, he groans and presses his face into one palm. “Chief –”

“I don’t really know what you expected, coming here! It’s not like I’m any less of a hardass than your father.”

“Yeah, but I can bitch back at my dad,” Shawn says, sounding like he’s finally realizing the magnitude of his mistake. Karen smiles grimly.

“Tough. Now pull your shirt up while I get the first aid kit.”

While Shawn proceeds to wrestle awkwardly with his t-shirt in a muted shuffle against the toilet seat, Karen rummages efficiently through the cabinet and eyes him through the bathroom mirror. He seems oddly reluctant to expose himself. In fact, in a stark contrast to his usual insistence on making his presence and contributions as obtrusively obvious as possible, Shawn seems intent on shrinking into the aforementioned Asian-flavored floral wallpaper (which does need an update, unfortunately) with all the equanimity of an anxious chameleon. Karen feels her eyebrows crease. Taking the first aid kit in hand, she brings it over and deposits it into his arms, ignoring his small startle.

“How about you hold that,” Karen says. Shawn does, against his chest, like a pillow. She walks around him and surveys the damage, antiseptic gauze in hand.

He wasn’t lying about the severity, at least. It’s a shallow thing, already mostly congealed, and has only stained his shirt in a small smattering spot of crusty brown blood.

Karen swabs at it with the alcohol using light careful fingers.

“Ow, ow ow ah –”

“Don’t be such a baby. It’s hardly a life-threatening injury.”

“Super insightful, Chief,” Shawn snaps, as genuinely sarcastic as he’s probably ever been with her, “never thought of that myself. Totally the reason why I just had to go to the hospital.”

He doesn’t pull away, but she can feel the tension radiating through his back. She blinks, one eyebrow crawling up her forehead. 

Alright then. So that’s how it’s going to be. 

“I’m assuming your father doesn’t know about this,” she says.

Shawn grunts, noncommittal. Huh. Maybe he does know, then, and has just been disallowed from doing anything about it right now.

She tosses the first used antiseptic wipe into the trash.

Goddamn four dimensional chess.

She supposes she’s never been bad at the game. She may as well work her way backwards through the moves: Guster, the most obvious node in Shawn’s turn-to-in-a-crisis-system, would never voluntarily abandon his friend in a time of need, so Karen assumes that whatever this is has either already included his support or not been made known to Gus at all yet. Henry’s likely exhausted his own usefulness in the situation, and Detective O’Hara is …

Karen has to work very hard for her hands not to pause in a way that gives away her hard-earned mental sleuthing. A bad feeling wholly unrelated to her ill-advised hangover of the day before begins to bloom at the back of her gut.

“You have really small hands, Chief.”

Shawn’s voice is notably more subdued than before.

“Do I?” 

“They’re like … little kangaroo hands. Like the mom kangaroo from Whinnie the Pooh.”

“Didn’t you know?” Karen says, not unkindly. “They’re given out at the hospital when all first-time moms leave with their baby.”

He lets out a tired little laugh, more boyish than he probably means it to be, and in spite of herself Karen feels her heart clench. She isn’t blind. In all her last seven years as the leader of their chaotic little precinct, she has never seen Juliet O’Hara look as ill as she did yesterday morning. The usually sweet-faced young woman had all the pallor of a Victorian ghost, and stood so far away from Shawn in any given room that to an unassuming observer he might have had the plague.

There are only a handful of things, Karen thinks, that could have invited that particular evolution in their dynamic. She rips the surgical tape from its canister a little bit more harshly than is strictly necessary and fights the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

“So,” she says conversationally, laying the tape down in neat, gentle little strips, trying not to pinch the wound too tightly. “Any fun plans for the evening?”

Shawn sniffs. She can see him gripping his hands together over his knee from where she stands above him.

“Um, yeah, uh –” he clears his throat, “you know me, Chief. We’re working our way through a Robert Guillame marathon, which means some good old fashioned Benson, running commentary on the quality of that child acting, naturally.”

“Naturally.” 

“Then Gus and I were gonna hit up the new, the new chili cheese joint up by Hermosa, you know – they’re doing sliders –”

“Chili cheese sliders?” Karen hums, contemplative.

“Buy ‘em by the pound,” Shawn agrees. “Then I was thinking of getting a tattoo, maybe a belly button piercing, I’ve been really – really needing a change – would you let Iris get one, if she asked?”

“A tattoo?” Karen clarifies, cutting off the next piece of tape. The skin around the cut is warm to her touch but Shawn’s arms have goosepimpled. The hair at the back of his head sticks up unstyled, like he slept weirdly and couldn’t be bothered to fix it come morning.

“Of a marmoset. That’s what I’m thinking. With distinctly effeminate vibes.”

“Well, Dick hates marmosets. So I’d probably encourage her toward something else. Perhaps a sea lion.”

“Like Shabby.” The nervous note has bled into his legs again, and his earlier subdued tone has gone back to sounding strained. “Yeah, that’ll – that could be it.”

“All in one night, huh?” Karen says.

“I –” Shawn doesn’t even hiss when she presses down with a cotton gauze to cover the last of the thickened blood. His legs are properly jittering again. “I was – yeah, y-you know me, Chief, total night owl.”

“Shawn?”

“Yeah?”

“What about going home?”

Silence. Shawn doesn’t answer for a moment long and pregnant enough that Karen wonders if her question will be ignored entirely. 

Then,

“Chief,” he says finally, in an awful, tiny little voice, “I really, really fucked up.”

Finally, her hands do falter in their ministrations; as emotionally exuberant as Shawn often is, she doesn’t think she’s ever actually heard him close to tears. For a horrible moment she wonders if Shawn Spencer will suddenly start crying atop her toilet seat for reasons neither of them are capable of discussing honestly. Then she wonders if her horror makes her a terrible boss.

Boss – mother – person.

Oh, dear.

She sets down the surgical tape and lays a ginger palm over the newly-bandaged gouge in his shoulder. It’ll probably scar, but not at all badly. She doesn’t like to think about the far more obvious one just below, puckering in a violent yet unassuming divot. Another narrow miss for Henry’s boy. 

At this point there are so many of them to count, Karen has to question the statistical likelihood of the whole thing. Becoming a mathematical anomaly is, Karen can attest with confidence, not exactly the future the Lieutenant Spencer she knew dreamed of for his increasingly unmanageable teenager. 

Doing what he loved, on the other hand – absolutely. Being with a person he loved, even more so. Karen grits her teeth at the irritating web she’s spent the last six years constructing around herself and wonders if this evening right here is some kind of cosmic karma for leaving Iris in the care of nannies for the first three years of her life.

That sounds like the kind of thing those horrible parenting magazines and Karen’s mother-in-law would claim, anyway.

“Shawn,” she says slowly, because she has to at least knock this possibility off the list before risking her career in an attempt to mediate her detectives’ love lives, “did you … you weren’t – unfaithful, were you?”

“What?!” 

Shawn yanks his shoulder away and whirls around to face her with such a look of horrified betrayal on his face that it’s almost comical. 

“No!” 

Thank fucking God, Karen thinks. Aloud, she says,

“Well, I’m sorry, I had to at least ask!”

“No! No! What the hell, Chief!”

“Oh would you be quiet! I’m gathering my evidence here!”

“How could I – I would never – you’d even think that I could –”

“I know! Shawn, for God’s sake –” He’s scrambled to his feet in the cramped bathroom space, glaring, and has probably messed up all that surgical tape in the process. The half open first aid kit and his crumpled shirt press lopsided against his front and her garbage can is now full of oxidizing bits of cotton. Karen officially gives in to the urge to press her palms against her forehead. “I had to ask!” she repeats finally. “You and I both know you’re not gonna give me much else to work with, and you sounded so – so sad!” 

Shawn barks out a hysterical little laugh. Karen almost growls in frustration. 

“I am not going to risk all the very hard-earned rules I have in place without knowing for sure that my instincts aren’t wrong. Is that so hard to appreciate?”

Does it count as sound police work when the framework for your investigation is an unacknowledged lie? Karen doesn’t really know. Probably there’s another math metaphor to be made in there (you screwed your proof from the very beginning, maybe, Richard the professor would definitely have thoughts), or just a straight up joke. How to solve a case that’s cold before it ever has the chance to go live; a cover-up if she ever saw one. Unlikely that O’Hara will peep a word, and things will be a true mess for a few weeks, if she can’t make an educated guess about it. And no one will be explaining anything to Carlton, either …

Right before their goddamn audit, Karen thinks, aggrieved. She wonders if Henry considered this in his calculus. Send Shawn over, have her deal with him. Offer a huge unspoken you’re gonna be walking into a shitstorm tomorrow canary for her perennially chaotic mess of a coal mine. 

She can’t help but feel begrudgingly grateful, but that doesn’t mean she and he won’t be having words about this later.   

“Jesus, Karen,” Shawn mutters, pressing his face back into his free hand. Karen shakes her head and squares her shoulders.

“Well then! Back to the issue. You fucked up.”

“You know what? I can’t talk about this with you.”

“Oh, Mr. Spencer, I assure you I am more than well aware.”

Shawn blinks at her between his fingers, looking genuinely confused for the first time since he showed up at her door. 

Karen does not bother to clear up his confusion; it’s better this way, anyhow.

“Will you be sleeping at Gus’s place or your father’s?” she asks, crossing her arms.

“I’m – I don’t –” Shawn doesn’t meet her eye. The earlier thread of anxiety is back. “I wasn’t …”

So, neither. 

“Put your shirt back on,” she says. “We’re relocating to the living room.”

“Chief –”

“That was an order, Mr. Spencer.”

The living room is as quiet and mundane as it was an hour ago. It’s past Iris’s bedtime – she’ll have to go up, and soon at that. Karen seats her guest, retrieves a mug and a bag of chamomile from the kitchen, and removes the fluffy throw blanket from the basket behind the couch on her way back in. He’s deflated completely by the time the tea and blanket are set in front of him. Small and exhausted. Caught. It’s a horrible way to think about it. But she can’t avoid the hundred yard stare – Karen has seen it one too many times in people only just realizing they’re about to go away for life.

“Shawn,” she says, firm as she can make it. “Drink the tea. You’re dehydrated.”

“I’m … what?”

“Your lips are dry. You shouldn’t be dehydrated with a concussion.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Karen suddenly wonders if he’s going to get up and leave. She has experience with these things – she knows a runner when she sees one.

“I might as well have,” Shawn finally whispers.

She doesn’t catch it the first time. “What?”

“I – I might as well ha – Chief, I …” Deep shuddering breaths. He’s finally shutting down, she realizes. She can’t send him back out like this; Henry would give her the stink eye for a month.

Goddamn Spencers and their goddamn irritating overcomplicated lives.

Karen pushes the tea directly into his hands and tilts her chin so she can meet Shawn’s eye. He’s still lucid enough that she doesn’t think he’ll start hyperventilating, but now that the outrage and adrenaline has worn off, the symptoms of shock are pretty hard to miss. “Shawn,” she says again, and wills for him to understand.

“What if she – what if I never –” He can’t get the full sentence out. He looks at her, eyes wide and terrified.

Life sentence, Karen thinks again. The messy stack of files Shawn brought over sits almost unimportantly on the coffee table between them and a memory comes to her, unbidden, of words penned carefully in the corner of a modified police report that she pulled the minute the door closed on the McCallum case seven years ago. 

Date: May 4th, 1995. Reporting Officer, Spencer, Lt. H. Perpetrator a caucasian male, brown hair, five foot nine, insists on wearing those stupid earrings just to spite me. What the hell do you want me to write here, Chief? Spent two hours in the fucking principal’s office convincing them not to expel him one month off from graduation. All that effort, and I still booked the kid. It’s gonna follow him for life, and it’s gonna be me that did it to him. For life. You think he’ll ever forgive me? He’s the greatest thing in my pathetic little world and he keeps breaking my heart, and I can’t even properly accept that it’s my fault. 

How’s that for a fucking crime.

She needs to go put her daughter to bed. It’s the thought that keeps running through her head, oddly enough, like a strange antidote to the impotent anger and heartbreak and frustration she’s feeling for the people under her care.

With all the notes she took in that little workbook, she still let herself become complicit in the painstaking, convoluted resolution of Henry’s mistakes without accounting for all the variables.  

Richard’s footsteps sound muffled in the next room; he’s made his way upstairs in Karen’s absence. She needs to go. She wants to hear the soft and sleepy love you Mama that with her unpredictable hours and regular long nights isn’t nearly routine enough.

“Shawn,” she says evenly. “Do you love her?”

It’s hard to reconcile the smarmy kid who tried to barter with her for twelve hundred a day with the devastated young man sitting on the couch in front of her.

“Chief …” he starts, barely above a whisper.

“Good. Then she’ll see that. Detective O’Hara is a smart and observant woman. What she chooses to do next is her decision, but … you might be – well, comforted by the fact that she’ll know that – truth.”

Shawn stares at her. The tea steams in front of him, cooling in increments. She takes a deep breath and gets to her feet, patting his uninjured shoulder brusquely. 

“I have to go check on Iris. When I come back down, I can drive you to the Psych office.”

Iris is fast asleep when she gets there. A library book lays open face down over her stomach, and her soft brown hair fans out against the pillow, silhouetted by the soft glow of the unicorn nightlight in the wall above her. Karen turns off the bedside lamp, tucks her daughter in, and kisses her forehead. Just before she leaves, she hears it: murmured, half-awake.

“Love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Karen goes back to her living room, car keys in hand. She’s planned her next move in the driver’s seat enough times throughout her career that it shouldn’t be too hard. 

[lifeonmarz-blog]

Jupiter through the houses Pt 1

Jupiter in the 1st- Drama. They love the drama. I actually have Jupiter in my first and i love reality shows lmao i like seeing ppl fight but I dont like drama in my own personal life no thank you. This placement is also dramatic. They may lie on accident and really believe what they said. They have extra luck when it comes to the law. More grace is given to them than others.

Jupiter in the 2nd- These people break family traditions. Their the black sheep and probably argue with their family members a lot. Their very hesitant when it comes to decision making. They overextend their hand to people quite often opening their homes and wallets up, welcoming people with open arms and being taken advantage of because of that.

Jupiter in the 3rd- A lot of connections are made in this house. These people love networking and are pretty good at it. They make friends easily wherever they go. They have tendencies to be wishful thinkers and see the best in people when the red flags are very much present. They lose themselves into relationships. Usually feeling like they've taken a loss and have rebuild after it ends. They repress alot of their feelings and ignore their inner voice.

Jupiter in the 4th- The upbringing really enforced responsibility and made these people become very structured. They dont play about their deadlines. Their gonna make sure they get shit done even if that means completely ignoring their own needs. People misinterpreted them alot from first impressions. These are the type of people that surprise you once you start talking to them. They make a lot of rivals too rather its people competing with them career wise or in their love life. Competing is always happening in their life sometimes they probably dont even know.

Jupiter in the 5th- Magnetizing ASF they dont even have to speak and people will want to know them. Their aura is commanding. They sneaky as hell tho and really analyze the things you say. They might have to use this to manipulate you one day lol. Friendships are very important to them. They really understand the value of building relationships but dont get it twisted they dont mind burning bridges neither. Once they direct their desire and intention in the proper direction they are really good at manifesting because alot of the times the connections are already their.

Jupiter in the 6th- They like to have a bunch of eggs in the basket career wise but they will overwork themselves and completely neglect their health. Creating a stable routing is a challenge but they are very resilient. These people can handle failures and reject easier than alot of others and keep it pushing. Jupiter in the 6th reminds me of a Gemini one foot in one foot out and moody as hell. They can be unpredictable and have zero regard for consequences.

-Luv of marz bbbbbyyyy

[smallestdogswilldie]

ok you know what makes me sad. as like a former self proclaimed misandrist man hater that would cry and scream about how much it sucks to live in a mans world etc etc etc put estrogen in the water fountains (was never a terf. yall can still die)

for anyone who is still… like that… how can you live in that hatred and misery every day. are women paid less yes are we denied reporductive care by old fart men who are going senile and some by some middle aged women yes. are men statistically like responsible for almost all violent crime and child crimes yes. the more you focus on this shit JUST TO GET MAD ? No ACTION? your fucking soul will get torn apart. genuienly whats the fucking point of just sitting in a circle and hating men. its such a stupid fucking “personality trait” to GENUINELY hate all men sorry babe but you are self harming your soul is shriveling. im sorry please cope. i dated a “””bi””” man because i “hated straight men” for 2 1/2 years…

tldr i hated “masculine” men so much i ended up in a loveless touch deprived relationship with a man who wouldnt touch me because he was actually gay (didnt feel the need to tell me this for 2 1/2 years..) nothing wrong with that but you see where my hatred of MASCULINITY landed me. in a relationship that was about to kill me from stress trying to figure out why i was untouchable because i chose the most feminine man in the midwest to date. hitting myself with sticks in the forest hoping someone would come kill me all because i refused to date a straight man. SWORE never to date a straight man. then i fucking did and hes normal. are they all? not at all. maybe i got lucky but im sorry. girls who are attracted to men but hate them genuinely just are in a cycle of not knowing how to pick them or of unresolved trauma. its on you to fix that. are they going to say sorry? no 😂 so YOU fix it because we all have to.

are the majority of straight cis men uneducated, rude, bigoted and kind of stupid? yes! literally yes. if you feel some type of way or anger towards men because of trauma i ABSOLUTELY understand. but we still gonna need a therapist tho girl. i cant even feel bad if you don’t address your issues and spew hatred at half the population for no other reason than to hear your own voice, and making no effort to heal yourself.

i like to believe, ground breaking statement here, that some straight men are actually great fucking people with manners and decorum and emotional intelligence. do you have to risk it to find them? yes. is it worth it? yeah. 1000000x over. there is beauty in TRUSTING SOMEONE. if they hurt you? ok ouch! do whatever has to be done to keep loving. you cannot shut yourself behind reinforced fucking bars because 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 men hurt you. easier said than done yes esp if you have trauma. do you have no desire to HEAL????? and become full of love again???? stop w the bullshit. like actually its tired childish and im going to say it its pessimistic, annoying and posionous. keep that shit to yourself until you resolve that shit. or dont and shut the fuck up!!!

some of us are trying to keep faith which you clearly have lost. and its a sick, stinky attitude to have. keep it to yourself because it makes anyone with a healthy relationship and attraction to men feel like a wet blanket. like sorry that happened to you and you havnt put any effort into healing and that you are seething with hate. its not my problem. survive like the rest of us and for your heart health, literally get help before you have a heart attack or get ulcers.

[polaris-likethestar]

you drew stars around my scars (and now im bleeding)

alriiiight tonights fic is completed here u go !! (really quick its basically what if rio didnt break away from the almost kiss)

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Rio knows this is a bad idea. She knows she should stop her; she should say something, she should do something. Something to be a better person. Agatha deserved better. She saw the way Agatha looked at Teen. Rio knew what she saw. She saw Nicholas. Whether or not Agatha truly thought that was her son or not was beside the point, it was dangerous either way. Agatha was going to get hurt. And it wasn't her fault, not really. It was Rio's fault. After all, that's what she's always done. Hurt her. She made so many promises to her, she always did. But they were just empty promises, stuff she couldn't keep. She wishes she would've kept them.

She feels Agatha cradling her face, leaning into her touch. Rio's leaning in too, like it's a routine. It used to be. A long time ago it was. She knows she was stop it, should call it off but she doesn't. She doesn't want to. She sees Agatha leaning in for a kiss, and she just goes for it.

It's not like it's gonna last between them. Might as well just have some fun with it.

𝑻𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝑾𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅

She felt Agatha's hands in her hair, softly carding through it as if she was something fragile, at this point she probably was. "I miss you." Agatha murmurs against Rio's mouth, and as happy as she is, all she feels is terrible, terrible that she's just leading Agatha on, letting her believe that they could be happy, letting her believe that maybe, somewhere, somehow, Teen could be Nicholas or some sort of makeshift version of him. She didn't want to allow Agatha to think that. But she was never strong enough to say no, not to Agatha, never to Agatha. She wasn't strong enough to deny her, even if it's just for a night. Maybe tomorrow she'll tell her, just to clear things up.

(She knows she won't, she wouldn't, but for now she'll just let herself believe that she would.)

"Missed you too." Rio nodded, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "Missed you a lot."

Agatha looked at her, sadly smiling, in a way that said 'dont worry, i get it.' What exactly it is that she got, Rio didn't know. Rio herself didn't get anything that was happening, how could Agatha?

So she just hummed softly and kept kissing her, as if that would make anything easier, maybe it did, just a little bit. "I thought about you a lot." Agatha pulled away, gently resting her forehead against Rio's. I meant it when I asked for a truce, I really did. I don't want to fight. Not now, not-" "Okay, truce." Rio cut Agatha off. She couldn't let her finish the sentence. Agatha looked confused but nodding anyways. "Alright, good. That's good." She said quietly, almost as if it was more to herself than to Rio.

"We should go back." Rio slowly exited Agatha's embrace but was pulled back. "No, just two more minutes." She said. Rio saw the look in Agatha's eyes and knew she had to stay. "Please." Agatha asked faintly, as if she was about to cry. "Yeah. Okay." Rio said, trying to match Agatha's softness in her voice. They stayed like that for a little bit, just hugging each other in silence. Rio was content, she was more than content, she was also insanely conflicted. She was a bad person, she thought. Good people don't lead on the people they love like this. Good people don't do bad things to someone and then proceed to take advantage of that person. It wasn't fair.

𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒘 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰'𝒎 𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈

Hours later, Rio was lying in Agatha's arms as the other witch was fast asleep. The witches were taking a rest for the night and Rio and Agatha were lying on a pile of leaves because unfortunately they didn't think to recruit a witch with bed making abilities. It was comfortable enough, Rio supposed. She traced hearts around the back of Agatha's neck, her face buried in her shoulder. "I'm sorry" she whispered against her skin, soft enough so she wouldn't wake up. "Baby I'm so sorry."

"I don't think she's going to hear you."

Rio immediately looked up, to see Teen staring down at her. "What's your play here, Rio?"

She just blinked at him, slowly trying to remove herself from Agatha's arms in order to talk to him privately. Eventually she got up and yanked him by the arm. "Come on." She murmured.

They made it somewhere private from the other witches, and Teen just stared at her expectantly. "Well?" He asked. "What's the goal here, Rio? Why are you here? What are you doing and what do you want with Agatha?" Rio rolled her eyes and scoffed, looking elsewhere, trying to act all whimsical or whatever, anything but serious and emotional, anything but sensitive. "I don't know what you're talking about." Rio internally cursed herself for being a usually good liar but falling flat when it really mattered. "I don't want anything to do with her."

"Hmm, sure. Alice told me about the whole storytime situation. Basically confessing your love to Agatha while simultaneously apologizing for whatever happened way back when? Chasing her down after she leaves? Rio, I literally found you alseep in her arms, you obviously don't want nothing with her." Teen gave her a look, and Rio knew he wasn't doing it to be mean or harsh or whatever, but that kid really needs to mind his own business. She wasn't even actually asleep. "Stay out of it, Teen. I mean it." She said, glaring at him and she left, walking away towards to the 'beds.'

"I'm sorry, Rio. Didn't mean to pry. But it's just....I see the way you look at her. You want to gain her trust back. You would die if it meant she trusted you again."

"I would burn down the world if it meant she trusted me again."

Rio shakily exhaled, staring back at Teen. "Didn't mean to snap at you." She admitted. "Good night, Teen. And please, just stay out of this." With that, she turned around and headed back, knowing she wouldn't be getting any sleep that night, their conversation bound to be playing in her head all night long.

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕-𝒊𝒇𝒔 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 '𝑪𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝑰'𝒅 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏' 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏' 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒉 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆

Teen was right. She would die if it meant saving Agatha, helping her, anything really.

If only one of them makes it out, she's gonna do everything in her power to make sure it's Agatha - and that's a promise.

[thisdreamplace]

hi dream. it’s 😵‍💫 anon.

for your previous message; your halloween plans sound like so much fun. I didn’t watch any this month 💀. in my head, I always say “I can’t wait for *insert holiday* so I can watch movies” I never do lol. Michael Myers used to scare me so much as a child but it became one of my favorite franchises. do you like Nightmare on Elm Street? that’s the ONE for me. love Freddy.

just to update, I’m going to dance and trick or treating. 🥳 I also went to a party but it was complete shit. but there’s always next year.

I took in what you said about unstable perception of self. at the moment, I guess I’m feeling a bit of sadness over it. I look back when I had some type of confidence and there was definitely a difference in my appearance vs when my rapid insecurity started. don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been insecure but there was a time I viewed myself higher. it’s insane. it was when I was a freshman in highschool. I enjoyed life more then too. it just feels crazy how much life feels like it went down hill from there. I find myself even reminiscing about people. it kind of hurts a little, you know? I don’t exactly want to go back but I wish I could go back and appreciate who I was & where I was. I’ve never been the same since then. I found myself wishing I looked like that again & had a similar life like that again. the heartbreak is that I can’t feel that anymore and I wonder if life will ever be like that again. the pictures I took a year after my freshman year, I look so different & worse. that was when I became massively insecure. it reflected. it’s just so crazy how that worked.

but here I am sad & constantly in love with a past so much so that I don’t know how to navigate my present. regrets of not choosing a certain school, not keeping in touch with people, not saving my memories. my soul & heart are stuck craving my freshman year. not the age (I kind of miss that too but I was literally just a teenager last year lol) but the confidence, the opportunity, the people, my home, culture surrounding me. everything.

I know I will feel better eventually. I guess I just needed to be honest with myself. I’ll let the feelings pass as they need.

hiii im sorry for the late reply omg <33

ahhh i love that hehe the halloween franchise is so underrated (in my circle of friends anyway djsjs) AAAAND AH YOU GET IT. nightmare on elm street is the ultimate when it comes to old school slashers for me. but no i literally have the nightmare on elm street collectors edition for dvds 🙈🥰 they could never make me hate freddy lmfao

i hope your halloween was SO much fun!! :D i actually ended up going trick or treating as well and it was super cute :3

sometimes going down memory lane like that can be a dangerous slippery slope. we romanticize the past a lot bc its so out of reach, things really DID feel better then and from where we stand now, it seems like it’ll never be that way again. well, you still have some power though. because you dont need to have that again. instead, you can look forward to that and SO much better. dont let that one point in your past be the ultimate of your life, when you still have so much more life left to live!! you dont need to go back, believe the best times yet are still ahead 💌 (easier said than done ofc, but little steps amount up to big leaps)

i hope youre doing well 💓 with much love!!

[celestie0]

Hi lovely! I'm so sorry some people are causing such a stink over ihm Gojo having an ex wife! Figured I'd just shoot in my two cents from someone who is actually close to their thirties.

It would genuinely be concerning if a man in the middle of his thirties had never had any deeper romantic connections with anyone before reader imho (obviously there are exceptions in this world, such as ace people etc, but I digress). Knowing how men are in this day and age in general, I'd personally muuuch rather have had a man who had been through some well established relationships in the past, and grown from them rather than having to experience it all in the first go with me LOL

And on another more positive note? I think the direction you're going with this is fantastic. Being able to see the different perspectives of all the characters + their backgrounds etc just shows how individual and complex we all are as humans and that there's always more to a story than what we see at first glance! Plus, hello??? The drama that we get to enjoy over her being an important character later down in the story? And Gojo ultimately choosing reader even though he was married and in love before? Idk, that's super romantic imo.

You keep doing what you're doing ellie, you obviously have something great going and I, among many others I'm sure, love the way you tell stories! Try not to let these few ones get to you too much (though I definitely know that's easier said than done). At the end of the day, this is something you've chosen to write because you enjoy it, and people acting weird and entitled over it all is just plain unnecessary and unfair to you! I hope you manage to get some good rest!<3

(Also an off topic tidbit I figured I'd add in due to another ask I saw! Pillow princess is not a term that's exclusively tied to lesbianism/wlw, it's most often what it is tied to though, but used by lots of queers in general! Don't take it to heart!! Anyway, I don't want to flood your asks, I'm sorry lmfao<3)

Muuuch love <333

hi there again my loveee!!

and ikr?? like i don’t wanna teach a man how to be a boyfriend/husband anymore 😂😂 him having had serious previous relationships is so nice cuz i dont have to train him HAHA. like just from a creative standpoint alone, ihm gojo is more mature than my other gojos because he was married 🤨 men only mature when they’ve been in srs relationships idk if thats a controversial opinion but uhh that’s been my experience

yes yes yes agreed i think its so romantic that despite all the drama, he will choose reader in the end.

thanks bb i appreciate u. yea definitely easier said than done. but i’m trying to preserve my peace n passion. its wearing on me though 😃 i consider myself to be mentally strong but jfc. thanks for the support <3

[unicornsaures]

hello doli. i might start yapping a bit and words dont mean much when you hear them over and over but just in case u havent been told i’ll tell them anyway

first of all, i’d rather worry over you than have you suffer alone. nobody should bottle things up inside themselves and im so glad that you did get it out instead of shoving it away or taking care of those thoughts in other ways.

i know its all so, so difficult and you’ve tried so hard. it’s not easy to get over things like that when they become what you resort to, but the fact that we’re coming up on a year is so incredible. im so proud of you for making it this far, even if you still think about it, or get triggered easily. what matters is that you haven’t done it—even when you’ve thought about it. that tells me so, so much, and even if it doesn’t feel like progress, it hasn’t made you weaker! you’re strong enough to resist those urges and as long as you keep at it, things will get better.

its so much easier said than done, i know, and you’ve already been at it for so long, i know. these things won’t go away for the time being, but we are always, ALWAYS here for you—if no one else, than i am. you are such an incredible person in so many ways and you never fail to make me laugh or leave me in awe with something you’ve created :,) this community wouldn’t be the same without you.

the people who worry for you do it because they care and they’d rather worry about how you’re doing than have something happen. it isnt your fault that these thoughts wont go away because you can’t control them, doli—that’s something that takes time. its recovery.

if you ever need to talk about it or need to vent or just keyboard smash or ANYTHING, anything whatsoever, i’ll be here for you because i love you/p :,) i love you even when you’re feeling your worst, and i’ll be there for you as long as you want me to be.

you don’t have to go through these things alone, and even though it’s hard, i know you’re strong enough to get through it. ilysmsmsm <333

- ash

ohmygod ash i love u sm :(🩷

[strangertheories]

Honestly, byler to me has become a stressful 'thing' now i cannot even enjoy it due to the whole discourse and drama surrounding it lol. Also it feels like the shipping culture kinda died because people just stopped shipping things for fun but it became a match where you have to prove your ship's 'validity' 'morality' or how it actually exists in canon and it should exist in canon (for this and that reason), and you have to constantly prove yourself that you are a master analysist and you Get The Narrative and that's why you ship this ship and if it doesnt become canon then it means the writing is dumb/poor and im like..? You dont really have to do all that and i get that sometimes feeling so passionately about shipping is natural part of fandom and i have been there and done that too, but this whole narrative and mindset surronding it is just really tiring. if a ship makes you this stressed and traumatized and if it happens you say stuff like 'imma kms' maybe just kinda take a step back idk. I ship ron/nce and i adore their dynamic, but i am well aware that it is not going to happen even if i see a certain level of dynamic between nancy and robin. and i get that it is different for will since will is canonically into mike now but the overall point still stands. you can still like a ship even if it doesnt become canon you dont have to try so hard to prove its existence or validity since the shipping is usually supposed to be... fun.

Anon, I'm convinced I somehow sent this to myself because I'm exactly the same. I get being critical of the show's queer rep and plot if Byler isn't canon or being disappointed which we saw a lot of post volume 2, but yeah. Being a Byler shipper has become not fun™ and it's become a requirement that you think it's going to be endgame in order for you to ship it. And I also think the sense of superiority a lot of Byler shippers have about being great critical thinkers or having media literacy can make it feel scary to ever question anything anyone ever says, although most people were actually quite supportive when I spoke about this. All of that to say, letting go of Byler endgame before S4 has been great for me; I love analysing and theorising about Byler without the pressure of needing it to be canon.

And I know people will read this as "you shouldn't be bothered by the show using Will" but what I and I believe the anon is trying to say is that fandom should be built off of fun and wanting your ship to have content because you enjoy it, not because you're terrified it's not gonna be canon. Easier said than done, but I think you need to take care of yourself and your mental health too. I'm not famous or anything but I have quite a few followers now and I'm not going to lie or guarantee 100000% that it will be canon because I just do not know and I genuinely think people's mental health will be damaged because they've been hyping up an expectation of ST5 for years.

If shipping Byler has become too stressful for you, try take a break for a bit (I've been posting less over the last few months partially because of this too). Especially since we all have hiatus brain where expectations and theories become more and more wild because we have to keep digging deeper into the same content. I'm so scared that S5 will come out and it doesn't happen because I like a lot of people in this fan community and if Byler isn't canon, we'll get angry posts for a couple of months and maybe some theories about interference or deleted scenes (this happen post S4 a bit as well) but then it's gone ): the community revolves more about being 100% sure Byler will happen instead of enjoying the pairing of Mike and Will so without canon Byler, I don't know what will remain.

Thanks for the ask, anon. Also Ronance forever! <3

[gorgugplushie]

(paceplace) / honestly ttcc writing is very messy i agree. i love the game to bits and dissecting it but the flaws in it are as enriching to pick apart as it is frustrating to discover. it really, truly does break my heart that toons aren't as appreciated as the cogs and i wish there were toon characters you could focus on in the same way the mgrs are. the NPCs you meet along the taskline are charming and i adore every single one of them but as much as i personally like them i don't think its enough to capture people's attention in the broad sense.

irt my qualms w/ how ttcc handles its game i think one of the many main issues boils down to the fact that they're disorganized. their issue w/ how lore has been distributed has been addressed twice by the team itself iirc (once in th same tweet where they confirmed fire\\setter as canon and once in their writers backstage post from around a yr ago). their writers backstage post helped give a little more perspective on why the lore was scattered around Like That.

as all over the place as the lore is, i do feel it's important to mention that they said in their backstage writers post they plan on eventually migrating all of their social media comics to the website so things like the rain\\diver comic is very likely to still be canon they just haven't added it in yet. idk why they don't add it around the same time its posted on social media my guess is maybe they're still trying to organize all the lore or redo some of it since its so all over the place (a couple of the comics we have rn on their website that are considered canon has info that was technically retconned) but yeah. i have hope that the way they handle their lore and (hopefully!) their taskline when they get around to rewriting it will improve in the later updates. i try very hard to stay on top w/ clash's lore esp since i have ppl come to me w/ questions regarding clash's story, characters, etc. but sometimes it is Very headache-inducing so i sympathize w/ how confusing/frustrating it is to a casual player. or just any lore-enjoyer tbf. i swear on my life i almost went crazy trying to make a timeline with btl

anyways you don't have to answer this if you don't want (i gen. apologize for the wall of text i really tried to get straight to the point w/ what i'm saying. and even then there's still a lot i wanted to say) but i'm really glad to see discussions on it. oftentimes criticism gets mistaken for hate and it shuts the entire convo which Peeves me. even if w/e's being criticized turns out to fall flat its better to address or talk about it than it is to not, imo.

Yes, exactly! I agree with all the points you've made here.

It's so strange to me that ttcc doesn't really lean into more how the cogs affect the toons, or toon society for all that matter, its a wonder people are so baised with cogs because we really dont get anything about toons. Their less part of the game and more set peices for this war, which sucks!

Theres obviously alot more room to write about toon lore and it would be easier to implement it in game, yet it gets brushed aside to further characterize the cogs and thats sad bc alot of the toons are cute and unique! Ttcc has great toon designs!

I also have to agree with the way the lore is handled, id even go as far to say big updates themsleves are handled in a frankly. Unprofessional manner. I mean, compare the update live streams done in jokey powerpoint slides to ttrs panles where they talk about progress on the updates. We really get little to no inside information until it's already ready to drop. Sure the game updates more regularly but all these updates are starting to feel like filler and padding. I at least can hope that hammerspace and mix and match at least come with some toon lore?

Its a shame that alot of what drew me into this game ends up weighing it down : (

Also yeah lol i didnt main tag this for a reason i do want to keep the discussion open! But all great points!

[shedidntevenswear]

do you have any advice for someone 23 years old who doesn't know what to do with their lifes im in my last year of collage i study something i knew would give me a 'easy' job and that i would be close to home and most of the times i was okay with imagine myself working and giving that money to help my family and come home and that's it but lately i been feeling it may not be enough? does that feeling go away? i always loved arts but where I live was impossible and tbh i'm not sure what i love

🥹🥹🥹🥹 i love that you asked me this i feel like the wise old grandma of tumblr

So first of all I will say there’s really no deadline for figuring out what you want, and you’re allowed to change your mind and chase new opportunities whenever you want! Easier said than done when you need to out food on the table but never let going into one field make you feel like you’re stuck there until retirement.

My career advice I give to literally everyone about to graduate whether they want to hear it or not is that its so okay and even preferable for most people to NOT make a career out of their passions. Having your livelihood tied to your passions immediately sucks the passion and fun out of it, especially with the added pressure of productivity and performance. The best path I think is to pick something (1) you enjoy enough that you’re not going to be miserable the majority of the time (2) try to find a place to do that work where you like the people you work with and that (3) pays you enough and leaves you with enough free time to do what you really LOVE doing off the clock. There is literally no shame in being a 9-5 paper pusher if it affords you the ability to follow your passions and make art and spend quality time with your community. On the part about feeling “enough”- relying on your career alone to completely fulfill you is never gonna work which is why I think this approach is so important. Life is for living, and work is definitely part of that living but you gotta make sure other things you care about are also in the mix in healthy doses!

It sounds like you have a good short list of priorities to work around, like being close to family and not having a high pressure job. Keep that list short but firm, and besides that dont be too picky - right now is the time to try new things and early in any career is when you get to really try on many hats and follow whichever one resonates with you.

[bear-momma]

hi do u have any tips on making friends? ive been trying so hard but i cant make any. idk if its cause im off putting or ugly or both but im rlly isolated and i feel like i wont ever progress

im not the best at keeping conversations or making them and i have terrible anxiety but i do try

im in the process of getting diagnosed for autism but im already diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder and ik that affects stuff so maybe thats why? or im just unlikeable in general

im only 16 and i dont go to public school anymore cause of the things that happened but i barely had friends there either

ive tried irl and online so i think im just gonna give up now and wait

i just hate never talking to anyone or having nobody to talk to or confide in

im always alone in my room bored waiting on something to happen. i barely talk now (not like i ever did in the first place) but i talk even less like im mute

i lack a lot of things like social skills and cues ive always been called dumb or slow and when i was in a not so good relationship thing w someone he would degrade me and tell me i wouldnt ever make it without him and im afraid thats true

i just dk what to do

anyway im srry if i broke a boundary or if im not allowed on ur page cause of my age and for the vent and talking a lot

let me know and i’ll get off

You will never have to apologize for venting, and my page is open to everyone who isn't on my DNI, so you're okay 💛

I can imagine you feel very isolated, and my heart goes out to you. You are in no way unlikable, nor are you unlovable. Being different does not make you bad. Making connections can be especially difficult when we've had bad experiences in the past. Sometimes we just have to find our people, which is much easier said than done.

Do you have access to a therapist? Or a counselor? I would love to give you advice, but I worry an internet blog won't be able to accurately help you over a long period of time :(

Either way, I'm sending you so much strength. Things will get better, and I know that seems impossible right now, but you have my promise 💛

[junebuggeryy]

The thing about Apple White is that the story sets her up to be deranged in such a way that makes perfect sense for the lore. I feel like the desire to follow the previously established story isn’t entirely something that’s invalid, but I feel like the royal storyline clearly kind of drowned in its own initial conflict especially as like… The lines got blurrier, but like. The fact that there are enough details in world to understand why Apple might cling to it, like the fact that she’s got an immediate connection to the Charmings and her mother’s incredibly industrious background as well as just like…

The promise that she’s going to live happily ever after, the fact that her story is considered the epitome of fairytales in setting and how she essentially can’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t want that for her. She easily stands out as a character because of the fact that she obviously has a lot of toxic traits, but I feel like they do come from such a like “pure” place to use language from an earlier post. She can’t imagine why people wouldn’t want what she wants at first and wants to help even though her idea of helping is a flawed premise. I think Apple as a representative of the Royals is really interesting in that way with her and Darling serving as an excellent potential frame work for like… The “rebranding” of the Royals in a sense where they get to play out their roles, now changed, rather than oppose the Rebels.

But yeah like, the dichotomy really did fall apart because by the end of the Wonderland arc they all have to agree its too dangerous for the facilitating artefact to even exist and that fundamentally it’s better to let people choose their own fate so like. If they wanted one then they really needed to build around it a little more coherently, but I think just letting the initial dichotomy die and replacing it with something else would have been fine! It might even have given them excuse to rebrand their dolls and update their designs and sell more of them if that’s the point. Anyway, hi again

Hello Lovely Followers It's Still Ever After High Hours.

hi again. these are some damn good thoughts, and i think you're completely right? this is perhaps an ironic point, but stories are supposed to evolve. i could absolutely see a version where the initial conflict of the royals changed shape, and Apple and Darling got to rewrite what it means to hold the power they do. i would have loved to see the "royals" name change to mean something new rather than peter out, and im sure it could have even been worked into whatever marketing/doll design goals were required to keep the show running? but these things are easier said than done, i suppose

anyway, im ECSTATIC you bring up the wonderland arc, as i have a comical amount to say about it. in general, the wonderland arc feels like the point where the story stops being about challenging oppressive power structures, and starts implicitly preserving them. it makes sense for raven to want to help protect her friend's mom, the Queen of Hearts, and i dont think it was even a bad story arc? but i do think its notable that Courtly is the first time we see someone trying to change their world's power structure is painted as unequivocally bad. and it's not as if EAH's Queen of Hearts is a particularly kind version of the titular ruler, either? then, by the time we get to epic winter, the villains are explicitly servants that no longer want to live in servitude, and are acting out, and this is not commented on at all.

idk. maybe you could argue that Courtly is someone taking advantage of an unstable system? but i am biased and Courtly Jester is forever my #problematic fave. i have a known soft spot for clown terrorists.

i do wish they had written different exit for the storybook of legends? if i recall correctly, Apple finally voted to get rid of it because she was afraid of someone signing their name into the wrong page and stealing a destiny- which, honestly, i still find to be a fascinating piece of worldbuilding, and to be a concern in-keeping with Apple's character? but it feels like only one piece of a larger puzzle. it just, feels weird to have the defeating blow to the Storybook of Legends™️, and it's societal hold over people, to be the preservation of tradition. maybe the writers felt they had already done a thorough job of tackling the ways being trapped in tradition was bad for these characters, and needed a new reason to get rid of it? but- IDEK. i feel like there may have been better options.

honestly, it feels like the thing that's missing from EAH are the Royals expressing empathy or understanding for situations outside of their own? which, honestly, isn't really a complaint- the show's about teenagers, and it makes sense they would be a little myopic! hell, that's why Apple takes it so personally.

that being said, i do think its notable that i can't think of a single Royal that didn't turn over to the Rebel side for a reason outside their own destiny, from wanting to date a non-prince charming, to not desiring to be comatose for a century. maybe this could have been Apple? our girl with nothing to complain about, our girl being offered the most heavenly future she could imagine, deciding that her guarantee at a perfect life isn't worth it if it requires that her friends must suffer.

again, that's the Apple in my heart. idek. i feel like im talking a lot about broad strokes potentials and story building rather than canon characterization? even through all this, i still love what we got of this dumb silly fantasy highschool show, lol.

[thesugarhole]

thoughts from todays page readings: (it might be easier if i do it during commute but then post when im home?)

reread 49 real quick and again. i think i already wrote this so this is just me repeating myself but it will be relevant later so refresher course. as much as i love learning about captain this takes away a lot of whimsy by exposing part of whats up early on... like, youre no longer under that doubt that "is captain really nuts or is this for real the world they live in" you know?? keep some mystery man.

^feeling awkward reading this. dunno why

rubix cube chapter was so cute 🥺 im sad that thing got left behind

and again!!!! worst comic ever makes statement way ahead of its time regarding the internet!!! why does everything need to have fucking blue tooth log in connection talk directly to your brain!!! even a rubik (rubix) cube!!!! arrrgh!!!!!!

it doesnt mention annet by name but it implies that she will try and solve wishes/queries to the best of her ability (currently, think chatgpt lying through its teeth when it has nothing- when annet has nothing, she somehow creates it). nothing to note here just a detail i want to remember, "a god who answers" type of divinity

"Silly willy. Told you I am unsolvable!" I said smugly. Just then, something impossible happened. My User twisted me in 4 dimensions. "That's amazing!" I shouted. "I can't believe you've done it!" I didn't know Users were designed to operate in 4-dimensional space like this! "Hpmf" Charles said, not looking too impressed. "Well, that was surprisingly easy." "No! Charles! You don't understand!" I cried. "You can operate in 4-dimensional space! You've solved an impossible riddle! Something, within you, makes you simply incredible!" In this very moment the ropes holding us up snapped and Charles dropped me. When he let me go, I fell out of 4-dimensional synch into regular 3-dimensional space and all my 6 sides became discorded and unsolved once again.

sorry to squeeze the text to not make too long a post but

type of mysteries i want to hold on to for a little while longer ^

51

now that we know captain isnt bullshitting its even harder to be on snippys side on anything about anything because again. hes just some guy. he has no business knowing about any of this and he has yet to see it in action so why should he believe what captain says you known. needlessly frustrating the reader!!

"Are these children made up like the needy children to whom you and Pilot keep trying to gift my things to?" He asked, tapping his foot angrily. "All of the children I speak of are real, I assure you!" I said. "I doubt it," he huffed. "You're seriously the most absent-minded GIRL I know. Where would you even be without me?"

me at vitaly right now im going to fucking snap. stop doing this and let snippy perceive captain as Undefined. i get hes a Camone but good lord i dont think he would be this stubborn about this particular topic with everything else going on. like. captain allows it but it implies the reading of "zee got tired of correcting everyone" IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. and again i got extra beef with it because it definitely feels like backtracking on the nonbinary character to try and make a more main fronting hetero couple which grrrrr.

(...) There are monsters all around that will eat you if I don't protect you."

loss of whimsy (once again) in romantically only text because we know snippy isnt really doing anything other than survive. :( also more instances of snippy/captain being heavy handed in rewrites, i definitely dont remember any of this conversation when i first read the comic

listen its fine. its fine IF, ONLY IF both snippy and captain get this type of romantic dialogue with everyone else because 1. (and not to be a stubborn old mule about it but) reading this as '3 (+117) extraordinary people trying to get affection from 1 boring guy' makes it a lot funnier and engaging 2. you have to love something so so much to try and save it and since captain is trying to save whatever humanity is left in the world zee should be in love with the other guys just as much

^ its far from canon but it would be so fun, i genuinely mean this

"Do any of your organs feel infinite?" what an absolute deranged question to ask someone even with context. yes. now THIS dialogue i like

"Me and my wonderful coworkers, Goodness rest their weary, tuckered souls…"

numbers one through six are dead?? it makes sense i cant even begin to put an image to any of them sdjhgkj. captain considering eight a daughter though is kinda cute i wont lie

"I didn't fix the li..." I started to speak. "Good job on fixing the power here. I'm going to the bathroom," Charles rudely interrupted me again. I watched him depart from my table with a frown. Why was he so G-damn obtuse about things? My explanation was perfectly legible. Everyone else understood me just fine. Especially Pilot. Pilot understood what I was doing right away.

okay listen. im pilots number defender here. and!! as i said before he is VERY!!!! SMART!!!!! even with AFTER being PINEAPPLE BOMBED and ANNET DISCONNECTED!!! but im not sure to what degree he actually understands what you (captain) have going on and instead is just going with the flow of whatever you say. like he has background context, he knows about the stuff annet/g-dir was up to. but if he didnt know about this zero-eight business, which is parallel (and hidden from the public?) to a degree, before The Events then i dunno, might be a "why not, what else am i doing today" type of situation. you get what im saying? does this make sense?

Alas, I was too late. Charles had bumped into the lovely burrowing-worm in the bathroom entrance and then he started to scream.

points and laughs

[faeriejones]

hey!!! deimos here :)

i hope you're having amazing holidays!

first of all, id like to apologize for not being so active these past weeks. they've been way busier than i expected and i wish i'd had more time to chat with you. however i do hope we'll become friends even though we didn't talk as much as i expected :)

now, about your last response to my ask:

i loved back to the future! i've watched the three films but its been a few years since i've watched them, so i cant quite remember exactly what happens. (but i do remember i liked them a lot!)

i prefer icarly mainly because i watched it more than victorious when i was a kid (i dont really know why......i just know it was easier for me to watch icarly????????). my favourite icarly episodes are any episodes where spencer has tons of screen time. i really like those where they go to japan as well! and spencer is definitely my favourite character. spencer and gibby – they are THE best!

speaking of nostalgia, i've recently started playing club penguin again. i grew up playing it, got really sad when it ended and now i'm back at it (obviously not playing the original BUT its still cool)

it really was amazing. i'm curious for what's going to be the theme for next year's presentation. i think it's going to be an even nicer experience since i'll probably feel more confident :)

yes!!!!!!! make pluto a planet again!!!!!! pluto's been a planet for so long why not just let it be a planet??? it's not harming anyone!!!

lore olympus is really lovely. i hope you enjoy reading it! i don't think deimos appears at least for the parts i've read. who knows what happened after that?

again, i hope you've had/are having lovely holidays. i loved being your secret santa and i really really wish i'd had the time and energy to talk to you more often during this. but what's done is done and i really hope we'll keep chatting (you're so nice and interesting aaaaaaah!!!!!!)

have a great day :)

- lilly

hello, lilly/deimos! it’s nice to finally meet you!!! i apologize for the late response, as i’ve been busy with work and i also have a concerning tendency to stall before responding to people. so don’t even worry about giving late responses, as i completely understand how difficult it can be at times! with that being said, i hope you’ve had a wonderful holiday!

there’s this little quirk about bttf 2, which is most notably one of the most random subplots in cinematic history, where marty suddenly gets pissed off every time someone calls him ‘chicken’. it’s absolutely hilarious when you go back and watch that scene where he turns around and says, ‘nobody calls me chicken’ with a serious tone. where did this subplot come from? why is it pertinent for the movie to establish that marty doesn’t like to be referred to as a barnyard animal? i don’t know, but it’s funny as hell lmaoooo

spencer and gibby are the backbone of icarly, to be completely honest. spencer’s niche artistic expression paired in with his genuine passion for his little sister’s show is what makes him such a great character. and gibby’s eccentricities are also what makes the show so iconic even years after its final cancellation. (although, noah munck did admit that he began to feel exhausted by how fans of the show would constantly go up to him and ask him to pull off his shirt—the whole “gibbyyy” routine) it’s a shame that gibby’s anticipated spinoff show was cancelled before an official pilot was released. it would’ve been interesting to see how that character’s life would’ve progressed post-series finale. instead, we got ‘sam and cat’ ; a decent show that contained two of the most beloved characters on nickelodeon at that point in time, but a failed emulation of its predecessors

icarly tangent aside, that’s awesome that you reconnected with club penguin again! did you play any other online games that were popular at that time like petpet park, movie star planet, poptropica, ect.? (damn.. we had so many virtual games that catered to our demographic back then :( )

okay, if you receive any hints as to what’s going to be next year’s theme for your presentation, i’d love to know! it’s great to know that you’re gradually becoming more comfortable with performing in front of others!

YOU’RE RIGHT!!! pluto has never committed a single crime (besides being too short, i guess) this is a noble cause for short kings/queens worldwide : advocate for pluto’s validity as a planet!!! and hopefully, deimos makes at least a minor appearance in the most recent issues of lore olympus. he deserves more representation, poor chap :(

as i’ve said previously, don’t fret about not having sent enough asks during this event. i wholeheartedly enjoyed exchanging messages with you and hope to become good friends as we enter the new year! you’re very kind and interesting, and you’ve introduced me to media that was unfamiliar to me before. overall, you’re really cool and i anticipate that we continue to keep in touch here on tumblr :D

have an amazing day!!!