#Its easier said than done but keep going!! people love you even if you dont feel it

[mangoscottch]

Well, my friend told me this once and it kind of stuck to me. He told me that whenever I feel hopeless, to think about the little things that I'll miss out on. And when he told me that I started thinking about all the little things like the feeling of getting into bed after a tiring day, getting into the covers and feeling warm, eating your favourite food, wearing your favourite shirt, watching your friends laugh and smile whenever they hear something funny, how big the sky is, and how just wonderful it is to be alive despite everything bad that may be happening at the moment. It might feel horrible at that moment but it really does get better. Theres always another day and it's never too late. I keep going so that I can play my guitar and sing with my friend on vc despite it being delayed, I live so that I can fall asleep while listening to my friends talk about something and wake up to them still rambling and laughing and to feel loved and appreciative of them. I keep moving forward to get better and to accept every small stumble or mistake I make, because I know that theres always a tommorow no matter what. The world doesn't stop, it keeps moving. And I want to catch up! One day I hope to be able to feel at home, and I will make sure I keep going no matter how hard or how horrible life can be.

I'm very sorry to ask something like this, I've really been struggling with this question, and I wanted to ask the combined wisdom of the people on this site

I would like to know why you keep going, and what drives you to keep living. I know there are a lot of reasons to stay alive and enjoy life, I can think of a few that personally resonate with me, but I really want to know what your reasons are

You do not have to comment on this if that's too big of an ask, and I'm very sorry for asking something like this, I really need someone's help, I feel like I don't have much purpose

Also if I may ask, please don't post any suicidal ideation in the comments of this post, I really can't handle something like that right now

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

[philtstone]

24. Showing up injured at their friend/mentor’s house: for shawn? :)

[emerges from writing this fic bloody and beaten and on the verge of collapse] ill explore karen vicks character in an overly complicated post-episode missing scene fic or die trying! set immediately post "right turn or left for dead". i genuinely dont know if im happy with this but i also cant figure out how to fix it. actually, it would have probably been easier to write if i was willing to rewatch the episodes its based on. which i am not, because i am a sensitive little soul. so i winged it. i think there are like 10 different ideas that crop up and theyre all equally fascinating as character threads but i have no idea if i tied them together in an even remotely coherent way. also, WOULD she say that??? i had to call my brother twice to ask. this is what yall get for sending me actually interesting prompts, huh

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Henry’s voice said on the phone. “I’ll send Shawn over with them on his way out. He's going in your direction, anyway.”

In her short tenure as the junior detective to Henry Spencer’s lieutenant, Karen Vick observed two things:

First, that he was a far more clever strategist than most people gave him credit for. Despite the ongoing wreckage of his impending divorce and a kid who was slipping through his fingers as everyone looked on, Karen didn’t agree with the other junior detectives’ impression of him as a smash-the-door-down old school hard ass with thinning hair and a worst attitude. The man played four dimensional chess right out of a bonafide Star Trek episode. When he really wanted something done, Henry Spencer could bullshit and bluff and battle plan with the pros, and half the time you’d get too caught up in the blustering misdirect to realize his game was intricately thought out three steps in advance.

It was how they caught the Shorttown Killer, and also how they got that idiot Trembley at the mayor’s office to finally replace their coffee maker. Karen went home to her then-boyfriend, now-husband, and, right before bed, pulled out an old school workbook and took notes.

The second thing was that Henry Spencer loved his son. 

Not a lot has changed since then, Karen thinks, staring down the weirdness that she now faces through her open front door.

“… Oh — Mr. Spencer,” Karen says, because it’s rude not to greet your employees when they show up at your home outside of work hours, and are also your old friend-slash-colleague’s kid. “Hello. Thanks for — bringing these over.”

“Dad said it was urgent,” Shawn says.

Urgent isn’t quite how Karen would describe it, but hearing through the grapevine that your department might be facing an audit sometime in the next quarter does light a fire under the proverbial ass. Karen would rather bend a few rules and make sure the last year’s i’s and t’s are dotted and crossed right than leave her detectives vulnerable to the whims of a mayoral stooge. 

In general, Karen prides herself on caring about the people under her command just enough that it inspires genuine friendship and loyalty. The just is important. Care needs tempering – it’s important to pull back, press pause, keep certain lines uncrossed. It’s especially important if you want to be successful as a woman in an authority position where lives are often on the line. 

What she’s saying is that she tries to make it none of her business what her employees get up to in their spare time. She really genuinely does. She’s shut O’Hara down gently midway through the twelfth sweetly-frazzled attempt to overshare about her dating life (or her efforts to befriend her next-door neighbor, or the endearing personality quirks of her last cat – rest in peace, Triscuit, you will be missed –) enough times to be well-versed in the art of I Won’t Ask, You Won’t Tell, But You’ll Probably Know I Care Anyway.

An invaluable rapport to maintain. In any situation, Karen thinks, but especially when you’re a person who regularly hires and works alongside Shawn Spencer.

She’s not sure whether what she’s looking at right now makes her want to second guess or double down on her usual policy. 

“Special delivery,” Shawn adds, like everything is super normal.

Karen narrows her eyes. She glances behind them into the quiet residential street.

“Shawn,” she says.

“Yes, Chief?”

“You didn’t drive here, did you?”

“Ha,” he says, half rolling his eyes to accompany a weird aborted grin. “No. Even I don’t think riding a motorcycle with a concussion is a good idea. What if someone who wasn’t me got hurt? That’s — that would be no good, then you’d have to arrest me. Wouldn’t that be a huge bummer for the whole team, Chief? Gus would cry. And my dad wouldn’t let me take his truck.”

Karen stares at him. Shawn stares at the ground.

“I got a cab,” he says.

“And you are … taking another cab – home?”

Shawn looks quite suddenly like he’s going to be sick.

“Sure,” he says. 

Shawn looks terrible. Bruised face, bags under his eyes, and a weird frenetic energy twitching in his limbs that doesn’t pair well with his general air of exhaustion. He’s holding his shoulders stiffly and can barely meet her eye. His t-shirt and sweatpants are rumpled, like he slept in them, even though it’s too early in the evening for Henry to have woken him up to send him here, and when he thrusts the promised files out into the air toward her, abrupt and, admittedly, Shawn-like, he only just hides the awkward wince that immediately overtakes his left side.

The last couple days have been a bit of a whirlwind, so Karen can’t say she necessarily blames herself for not looking more closely. 

Even so.

Slowly, Karen reaches forward and divests him of the case files. They slip a little bit, because Karen can’t seem to stop peering shrewdly at Shawn’s face while she does it, and on instinct he reaches forward to stop the stack from toppling. 

It does help, but the autopilot he moves on makes it harder to mask what is to Karen’s eyes a very obvious flinch. 

“Alright,” is all he says. “Well, good to see you. Time to head back to the old hay stack.”

Like a needle in a haystack and time to hit the hay, Karen supplies needlessly in her own head. Aloud, she says, in many ways against her better judgment, 

“Mr. Spencer, are you okay?”

Shawn sways on the spot for a second, one fist clenched, mouth half open. For a strange moment, Karen gets the impression that he’s trying really hard not to say the wrong thing.

“... As rain,” he finally manages, then nods to himself like he achieved some great feat. “Okay. Well –”

“Did something happen to your shoulder?” 

“What? No!” Shawn’s eyes flutter closed and he shakes his head, “I’m – fine, Chief. It’s not – I mean, I’m – normal, fine. Fine in a normal way.”

“That’s not something an individual who’s fine in a normal way would say,” Karen says. 

“Uh, is it not! It is. I would know, because I am that individual. It’s – I was – there’s just mild – pfft … stab wound – or something, who would even …”

Is Shawn broken? is the unhelpful thought that pops into Karen’s head. She’s never heard an attempt to bullshit collapse so quickly into pathetic nothingness before – certainly not from Shawn.

Perhaps even more than his father, the kid’s a pro.

And then the rest of the sentence catches up with her.

“A mild stab wound?”

Oh boy. She watches Shawn’s eyes widen with the panic that proceeds an unquestionable blunder.

“Chief –” 

“In.”

“Chief, I really, really don’t think –”

“Inside my house. Now.”

He’s certainly uncoordinated enough that he doesn’t put up much of a fight. Karen herds him  through the door as firmly as possible and leads them in a beeline past Richard’s office toward the bathroom, ignoring the reedy stream of consciousness that spills out of Shawn’s mouth as they go.

“Oh, hey, woah, it’s been like forever since I was in here. Did you redecorate? I swear that lamp wasn’t there the last time we visited. It could be the tacos I had earlier, but I’m sensing a distinct neo-modern Chinese aesthetic going on here, Chief, which calls to mind the merits of cultural appreciation in suburban home decor – hey, is that your husband’s office? Can I meet him? Is he home? That man is a true enigma to us, Chief, and it’s leading me to believe that he must possess all the facial and personality qualities of the pop superstar Mr. Pitbull Worldwide –”

Richard is home, actually, and Karen needs to alert him to the fact that they have an unexpected house guest, so, ignoring Shawn completely, she calls out,

“Honey? Shawn Spencer’s here for a couple minutes about a work thing! I’ll go up to put Iris to bed in a second!” in the finely-honed There Are Many Layers Of Complicated To This secret married tone that Richard should probably be able to catch through the closed office door. 

“Alright,” floats out her husband’s pleasant voice. “Tell him hi from me.”

Perfect. There’s about a ninety-three percent chance he understood.

They make it to the bathroom, only stumbling slightly. Shawn says,

“-- or The Rock. Does your husband look like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson? I really think that would make so many things about the Chief Vick family make sense –”

Karen closes the bathroom door with a snap and crosses her arms.

“Sit,” she says, in a voice that even he knows brooks no argument.

Shawn does. He looks – well, beyond uncomfortable, and more than a little bit miserable, and probably closer to completely dissociating than either of them are prepared for. Karen wonders belatedly if he's gotten any sleep at all in the last forty-eight hours.

“I’m assuming you have not been to the hospital.”

He gives her a baleful look, like he really expected better of her. She only just stops herself from rolling her eyes in response. And there’s that huge goose egg on his forehead, too. What, exactly, he got up to in between Carlton’s wedding reception and oh-eight-hundred hours this morning Karen has no idea, but he looks like someone’s run him through the world’s most aggressive industrial tumble dry cycle and spat him mercilessly back out. 

Or maybe over with a truck.

Sending a silent prayer to the universe that Iris never hit puberty and remains a sweet-tempered six-year-old forever, Karen gets to business.

“Well, I had to at least ask. Shawn. Does it need stitches?” He mumbles the answer the first time, and then looks beyond startled when she grabs him under the chin so he’ll look her in the eye. “Listen. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. But you’re going to tell me the truth. Got it?”

Shawn grimaces so hard at her words it’s almost a flinch. 

“No,” he says finally, clearly enough that she hears him. Karen raises an eyebrow. “No, I don’t think it needs stitches,” he articulates, but doesn’t meet her eye.

“Hm. Alright. I have gauze and tape in the medicine cabinet. Can I … is it alright if I pull up the sleeve of your t-shirt?”

Released from her hold, he groans and presses his face into one palm. “Chief –”

“I don’t really know what you expected, coming here! It’s not like I’m any less of a hardass than your father.”

“Yeah, but I can bitch back at my dad,” Shawn says, sounding like he’s finally realizing the magnitude of his mistake. Karen smiles grimly.

“Tough. Now pull your shirt up while I get the first aid kit.”

While Shawn proceeds to wrestle awkwardly with his t-shirt in a muted shuffle against the toilet seat, Karen rummages efficiently through the cabinet and eyes him through the bathroom mirror. He seems oddly reluctant to expose himself. In fact, in a stark contrast to his usual insistence on making his presence and contributions as obtrusively obvious as possible, Shawn seems intent on shrinking into the aforementioned Asian-flavored floral wallpaper (which does need an update, unfortunately) with all the equanimity of an anxious chameleon. Karen feels her eyebrows crease. Taking the first aid kit in hand, she brings it over and deposits it into his arms, ignoring his small startle.

“How about you hold that,” Karen says. Shawn does, against his chest, like a pillow. She walks around him and surveys the damage, antiseptic gauze in hand.

He wasn’t lying about the severity, at least. It’s a shallow thing, already mostly congealed, and has only stained his shirt in a small smattering spot of crusty brown blood.

Karen swabs at it with the alcohol using light careful fingers.

“Ow, ow ow ah –”

“Don’t be such a baby. It’s hardly a life-threatening injury.”

“Super insightful, Chief,” Shawn snaps, as genuinely sarcastic as he’s probably ever been with her, “never thought of that myself. Totally the reason why I just had to go to the hospital.”

He doesn’t pull away, but she can feel the tension radiating through his back. She blinks, one eyebrow crawling up her forehead. 

Alright then. So that’s how it’s going to be. 

“I’m assuming your father doesn’t know about this,” she says.

Shawn grunts, noncommittal. Huh. Maybe he does know, then, and has just been disallowed from doing anything about it right now.

She tosses the first used antiseptic wipe into the trash.

Goddamn four dimensional chess.

She supposes she’s never been bad at the game. She may as well work her way backwards through the moves: Guster, the most obvious node in Shawn’s turn-to-in-a-crisis-system, would never voluntarily abandon his friend in a time of need, so Karen assumes that whatever this is has either already included his support or not been made known to Gus at all yet. Henry’s likely exhausted his own usefulness in the situation, and Detective O’Hara is …

Karen has to work very hard for her hands not to pause in a way that gives away her hard-earned mental sleuthing. A bad feeling wholly unrelated to her ill-advised hangover of the day before begins to bloom at the back of her gut.

“You have really small hands, Chief.”

Shawn’s voice is notably more subdued than before.

“Do I?” 

“They’re like … little kangaroo hands. Like the mom kangaroo from Whinnie the Pooh.”

“Didn’t you know?” Karen says, not unkindly. “They’re given out at the hospital when all first-time moms leave with their baby.”

He lets out a tired little laugh, more boyish than he probably means it to be, and in spite of herself Karen feels her heart clench. She isn’t blind. In all her last seven years as the leader of their chaotic little precinct, she has never seen Juliet O’Hara look as ill as she did yesterday morning. The usually sweet-faced young woman had all the pallor of a Victorian ghost, and stood so far away from Shawn in any given room that to an unassuming observer he might have had the plague.

There are only a handful of things, Karen thinks, that could have invited that particular evolution in their dynamic. She rips the surgical tape from its canister a little bit more harshly than is strictly necessary and fights the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

“So,” she says conversationally, laying the tape down in neat, gentle little strips, trying not to pinch the wound too tightly. “Any fun plans for the evening?”

Shawn sniffs. She can see him gripping his hands together over his knee from where she stands above him.

“Um, yeah, uh –” he clears his throat, “you know me, Chief. We’re working our way through a Robert Guillame marathon, which means some good old fashioned Benson, running commentary on the quality of that child acting, naturally.”

“Naturally.” 

“Then Gus and I were gonna hit up the new, the new chili cheese joint up by Hermosa, you know – they’re doing sliders –”

“Chili cheese sliders?” Karen hums, contemplative.

“Buy ‘em by the pound,” Shawn agrees. “Then I was thinking of getting a tattoo, maybe a belly button piercing, I’ve been really – really needing a change – would you let Iris get one, if she asked?”

“A tattoo?” Karen clarifies, cutting off the next piece of tape. The skin around the cut is warm to her touch but Shawn’s arms have goosepimpled. The hair at the back of his head sticks up unstyled, like he slept weirdly and couldn’t be bothered to fix it come morning.

“Of a marmoset. That’s what I’m thinking. With distinctly effeminate vibes.”

“Well, Dick hates marmosets. So I’d probably encourage her toward something else. Perhaps a sea lion.”

“Like Shabby.” The nervous note has bled into his legs again, and his earlier subdued tone has gone back to sounding strained. “Yeah, that’ll – that could be it.”

“All in one night, huh?” Karen says.

“I –” Shawn doesn’t even hiss when she presses down with a cotton gauze to cover the last of the thickened blood. His legs are properly jittering again. “I was – yeah, y-you know me, Chief, total night owl.”

“Shawn?”

“Yeah?”

“What about going home?”

Silence. Shawn doesn’t answer for a moment long and pregnant enough that Karen wonders if her question will be ignored entirely. 

Then,

“Chief,” he says finally, in an awful, tiny little voice, “I really, really fucked up.”

Finally, her hands do falter in their ministrations; as emotionally exuberant as Shawn often is, she doesn’t think she’s ever actually heard him close to tears. For a horrible moment she wonders if Shawn Spencer will suddenly start crying atop her toilet seat for reasons neither of them are capable of discussing honestly. Then she wonders if her horror makes her a terrible boss.

Boss – mother – person.

Oh, dear.

She sets down the surgical tape and lays a ginger palm over the newly-bandaged gouge in his shoulder. It’ll probably scar, but not at all badly. She doesn’t like to think about the far more obvious one just below, puckering in a violent yet unassuming divot. Another narrow miss for Henry’s boy. 

At this point there are so many of them to count, Karen has to question the statistical likelihood of the whole thing. Becoming a mathematical anomaly is, Karen can attest with confidence, not exactly the future the Lieutenant Spencer she knew dreamed of for his increasingly unmanageable teenager. 

Doing what he loved, on the other hand – absolutely. Being with a person he loved, even more so. Karen grits her teeth at the irritating web she’s spent the last six years constructing around herself and wonders if this evening right here is some kind of cosmic karma for leaving Iris in the care of nannies for the first three years of her life.

That sounds like the kind of thing those horrible parenting magazines and Karen’s mother-in-law would claim, anyway.

“Shawn,” she says slowly, because she has to at least knock this possibility off the list before risking her career in an attempt to mediate her detectives’ love lives, “did you … you weren’t – unfaithful, were you?”

“What?!” 

Shawn yanks his shoulder away and whirls around to face her with such a look of horrified betrayal on his face that it’s almost comical. 

“No!” 

Thank fucking God, Karen thinks. Aloud, she says,

“Well, I’m sorry, I had to at least ask!”

“No! No! What the hell, Chief!”

“Oh would you be quiet! I’m gathering my evidence here!”

“How could I – I would never – you’d even think that I could –”

“I know! Shawn, for God’s sake –” He’s scrambled to his feet in the cramped bathroom space, glaring, and has probably messed up all that surgical tape in the process. The half open first aid kit and his crumpled shirt press lopsided against his front and her garbage can is now full of oxidizing bits of cotton. Karen officially gives in to the urge to press her palms against her forehead. “I had to ask!” she repeats finally. “You and I both know you’re not gonna give me much else to work with, and you sounded so – so sad!” 

Shawn barks out a hysterical little laugh. Karen almost growls in frustration. 

“I am not going to risk all the very hard-earned rules I have in place without knowing for sure that my instincts aren’t wrong. Is that so hard to appreciate?”

Does it count as sound police work when the framework for your investigation is an unacknowledged lie? Karen doesn’t really know. Probably there’s another math metaphor to be made in there (you screwed your proof from the very beginning, maybe, Richard the professor would definitely have thoughts), or just a straight up joke. How to solve a case that’s cold before it ever has the chance to go live; a cover-up if she ever saw one. Unlikely that O’Hara will peep a word, and things will be a true mess for a few weeks, if she can’t make an educated guess about it. And no one will be explaining anything to Carlton, either …

Right before their goddamn audit, Karen thinks, aggrieved. She wonders if Henry considered this in his calculus. Send Shawn over, have her deal with him. Offer a huge unspoken you’re gonna be walking into a shitstorm tomorrow canary for her perennially chaotic mess of a coal mine. 

She can’t help but feel begrudgingly grateful, but that doesn’t mean she and he won’t be having words about this later.   

“Jesus, Karen,” Shawn mutters, pressing his face back into his free hand. Karen shakes her head and squares her shoulders.

“Well then! Back to the issue. You fucked up.”

“You know what? I can’t talk about this with you.”

“Oh, Mr. Spencer, I assure you I am more than well aware.”

Shawn blinks at her between his fingers, looking genuinely confused for the first time since he showed up at her door. 

Karen does not bother to clear up his confusion; it’s better this way, anyhow.

“Will you be sleeping at Gus’s place or your father’s?” she asks, crossing her arms.

“I’m – I don’t –” Shawn doesn’t meet her eye. The earlier thread of anxiety is back. “I wasn’t …”

So, neither. 

“Put your shirt back on,” she says. “We’re relocating to the living room.”

“Chief –”

“That was an order, Mr. Spencer.”

The living room is as quiet and mundane as it was an hour ago. It’s past Iris’s bedtime – she’ll have to go up, and soon at that. Karen seats her guest, retrieves a mug and a bag of chamomile from the kitchen, and removes the fluffy throw blanket from the basket behind the couch on her way back in. He’s deflated completely by the time the tea and blanket are set in front of him. Small and exhausted. Caught. It’s a horrible way to think about it. But she can’t avoid the hundred yard stare – Karen has seen it one too many times in people only just realizing they’re about to go away for life.

“Shawn,” she says, firm as she can make it. “Drink the tea. You’re dehydrated.”

“I’m … what?”

“Your lips are dry. You shouldn’t be dehydrated with a concussion.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute, and Karen suddenly wonders if he’s going to get up and leave. She has experience with these things – she knows a runner when she sees one.

“I might as well have,” Shawn finally whispers.

She doesn’t catch it the first time. “What?”

“I – I might as well ha – Chief, I …” Deep shuddering breaths. He’s finally shutting down, she realizes. She can’t send him back out like this; Henry would give her the stink eye for a month.

Goddamn Spencers and their goddamn irritating overcomplicated lives.

Karen pushes the tea directly into his hands and tilts her chin so she can meet Shawn’s eye. He’s still lucid enough that she doesn’t think he’ll start hyperventilating, but now that the outrage and adrenaline has worn off, the symptoms of shock are pretty hard to miss. “Shawn,” she says again, and wills for him to understand.

“What if she – what if I never –” He can’t get the full sentence out. He looks at her, eyes wide and terrified.

Life sentence, Karen thinks again. The messy stack of files Shawn brought over sits almost unimportantly on the coffee table between them and a memory comes to her, unbidden, of words penned carefully in the corner of a modified police report that she pulled the minute the door closed on the McCallum case seven years ago. 

Date: May 4th, 1995. Reporting Officer, Spencer, Lt. H. Perpetrator a caucasian male, brown hair, five foot nine, insists on wearing those stupid earrings just to spite me. What the hell do you want me to write here, Chief? Spent two hours in the fucking principal’s office convincing them not to expel him one month off from graduation. All that effort, and I still booked the kid. It’s gonna follow him for life, and it’s gonna be me that did it to him. For life. You think he’ll ever forgive me? He’s the greatest thing in my pathetic little world and he keeps breaking my heart, and I can’t even properly accept that it’s my fault. 

How’s that for a fucking crime.

She needs to go put her daughter to bed. It’s the thought that keeps running through her head, oddly enough, like a strange antidote to the impotent anger and heartbreak and frustration she’s feeling for the people under her care.

With all the notes she took in that little workbook, she still let herself become complicit in the painstaking, convoluted resolution of Henry’s mistakes without accounting for all the variables.  

Richard’s footsteps sound muffled in the next room; he’s made his way upstairs in Karen’s absence. She needs to go. She wants to hear the soft and sleepy love you Mama that with her unpredictable hours and regular long nights isn’t nearly routine enough.

“Shawn,” she says evenly. “Do you love her?”

It’s hard to reconcile the smarmy kid who tried to barter with her for twelve hundred a day with the devastated young man sitting on the couch in front of her.

“Chief …” he starts, barely above a whisper.

“Good. Then she’ll see that. Detective O’Hara is a smart and observant woman. What she chooses to do next is her decision, but … you might be – well, comforted by the fact that she’ll know that – truth.”

Shawn stares at her. The tea steams in front of him, cooling in increments. She takes a deep breath and gets to her feet, patting his uninjured shoulder brusquely. 

“I have to go check on Iris. When I come back down, I can drive you to the Psych office.”

Iris is fast asleep when she gets there. A library book lays open face down over her stomach, and her soft brown hair fans out against the pillow, silhouetted by the soft glow of the unicorn nightlight in the wall above her. Karen turns off the bedside lamp, tucks her daughter in, and kisses her forehead. Just before she leaves, she hears it: murmured, half-awake.

“Love you, Mama.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Karen goes back to her living room, car keys in hand. She’s planned her next move in the driver’s seat enough times throughout her career that it shouldn’t be too hard. 

[pinkmoonastro]

Jupiter through the houses Pt 1

Jupiter in the 1st- Drama. They love the drama. I actually have Jupiter in my first and i love reality shows lmao i like seeing ppl fight but I dont like drama in my own personal life no thank you. This placement is also dramatic. They may lie on accident and really believe what they said. They have extra luck when it comes to the law. More grace is given to them than others.

Jupiter in the 2nd- These people break family traditions. Their the black sheep and probably argue with their family members a lot. Their very hesitant when it comes to decision making. They overextend their hand to people quite often opening their homes and wallets up, welcoming people with open arms and being taken advantage of because of that.

Jupiter in the 3rd- A lot of connections are made in this house. These people love networking and are pretty good at it. They make friends easily wherever they go. They have tendencies to be wishful thinkers and see the best in people when the red flags are very much present. They lose themselves into relationships. Usually feeling like they've taken a loss and have rebuild after it ends. They repress alot of their feelings and ignore their inner voice.

Jupiter in the 4th- The upbringing really enforced responsibility and made these people become very structured. They dont play about their deadlines. Their gonna make sure they get shit done even if that means completely ignoring their own needs. People misinterpreted them alot from first impressions. These are the type of people that surprise you once you start talking to them. They make a lot of rivals too rather its people competing with them career wise or in their love life. Competing is always happening in their life sometimes they probably dont even know.

Jupiter in the 5th- Magnetizing ASF they dont even have to speak and people will want to know them. Their aura is commanding. They sneaky as hell tho and really analyze the things you say. They might have to use this to manipulate you one day lol. Friendships are very important to them. They really understand the value of building relationships but dont get it twisted they dont mind burning bridges neither. Once they direct their desire and intention in the proper direction they are really good at manifesting because alot of the times the connections are already their.

Jupiter in the 6th- They like to have a bunch of eggs in the basket career wise but they will overwork themselves and completely neglect their health. Creating a stable routing is a challenge but they are very resilient. These people can handle failures and reject easier than alot of others and keep it pushing. Jupiter in the 6th reminds me of a Gemini one foot in one foot out and moody as hell. They can be unpredictable and have zero regard for consequences.

-Luv of marz bbbbbyyyy

[raven]

As someone who plays persona I feel you’re a good person to ask: should I play a persona game

you know a game is a real one when the answer is "if you do, please dont think im stupid for liking it". the first persona game anyone should ever play is persona 5 royal and that game is. well. the best part isnt until 70-90 hours in on average. tries really hard to be a social commentary but fumbles basically every aspect. can barely keep a cohesive character arc for most main characters. "the gameplay is really good though" -karl marx. so like short answer, do you have a hundred hours or so and want an excuse to hate on something's story and politics while also having a good time in the actual gameplay, sure... i feel like i can recommend this to any general person but i feel less confident recommending it to you specifically as i feel you are a woman of taste. but you're also someone who loves the slop at times. and what is this game if not slop. i put the rest under a read more because i said too much. My bad for being loquacious

like storywise i do like it... Mostly. and i do like the characters. and i think akechi is genuinely a great character, well written, well acted, yaoibait, knocked everything out of the park with him. he is what kept me going, but if you dont like characters whose main flaw is that theyre a teenager and therefore stupid, he might not click with you. like yeah, everything he does is poorly thought out... it's consistent. it's in character. and he does it with such swag, too. everything in the game's story seems designed around him, including the phantom thieves themselves. but i dont know whats in it for people who dont like him. not that you'll really get to know him for a good chunk of the game. which is the biggest thing... i could say "keep going, it gets better" but... does it? for everyone? it did for me, but it was made in a lab for me.

the game can understand that violence against women is wrong, but it doesnt understand what violence against women is. it can understand that the current system isnt working, but is too weak to actually take a stance on how to fix it. it's too obsessed with giving the player a power fantasy than to give them any challenges at all, or to make them think for a second. which i like in a game. i like it when games fuck up hard because theres more to discuss. and one of my biggest issues was discussed in the very last part. not necessarily to the depth i would have preferred, but it lets you draw your own conclusions. it also really shocked me at one point near the end there, which really colored my view in a positive way. i had grown complacent. i stopped thinking. i didnt think the game could do anything interesting... and then it did. but that level of shock was only because of my specific proclivities... i dunno. like it's hard to defend.. oh also theres a massive climax that builds up to a twist and reveal which is genuinely one of the worst ive seen a story ever do it, especially with such a strong set up. like genuinely laughable. but once you reach that part you're about 3/4 of the way through so you cant really stop there just have a laugh and know it's almost done.

the gameplay IS good though. like it's not only flashy, it's fun. i think the only issue is that it can be too easy, and the merciless mode is famously easier than hard. but as persona games go, it really is the best. it's just fun! the social sim elements are... well lets just say the majority of character writing in this game is stupid. otherwise, it can be fun to try to balance everything. it's possible to do it all on your first playthrough even if you don't know the perfect strategy, but if you fuck up too much you really wont be able to finish them all.

but heres the thing: metaphor refantazio just came out, which, aside from the time aspect (you have so much time lol) almost improves on persona 5 in every way. it's slightly less misogynistic. the social commentary... well, its fantasy racism, but it's a little more well thought out than p5's. but the main thing is the gameplay. and like, the gameplay in p5 was already good! metaphor is much more balanced for difficulty than p5's, but if you really get a hang of character building you can really take control. the slight differences in battle systems really take it for me. press turn system every day. i adore it. basically you get turns if you hit a weakness but if you miss you lose two turns. same goes for the enemies, so you can really get destroyed, but you can dodge every attack and they wont be able to do shit. but the story is, well, it's okay. there were some really good moments, and i liked it mostly because its kind of.. the least bad anyone could ever do it? it's pretty idealistic but just seemed like, nice in a way that i really cant describe. like, i have my issues with it that i could go into detail, but i still generally liked it. beautiful presentation as well-- and is that not all that matters? give me literally anything with a beautiful cutscene and I'll be tearing up. and the words "election magic" are so potent to me. its also shorter than p5r. but will it stick with me as much? no. would it have caused me to play the rest of the persona games? unsure. have i listened to the soundtrack so often while falling asleep that atlus is my number 5 artist on my spotify wrapped, not because the soundtrack is so calming or because i especially like it, but because i was trying to conjure a character in my dreams? NO. and persona 5 was a resounding yes on all fronts.

in terms of the other persona games, i dont recommend 4 unless you want to feel like, actually bad? i dunno it just put me in a foul mood. it was like radiation emanating from my switch for several weeks. incredibly homophobic with a side of (possibly slightly unintentional) transphobia. as well as some very fatphobic jokes (what game from this time period doesnt, but.. well it's bad every time!) and of course our classic misogyny. all this and the gameplay is worse than every other (new) persona game, and the story is fine. it thinks its twin peaks at the beginning. it is not twin peaks. LMFAO. 3 is better than 4 but theres not really a definitive edition even though it just got remade. each version has its ups and downs. if you look it up and any of it compels you i can give you more info on that one. the aesthetics alone are enough to be compelling , I'll admit. if you like boring and repetitive gameplay this ones for you! Im being serious. the story's pretty good though, and the characters are probably the best in the persona series. 2 (which is a duology, but the gameplay is the same and the second is well, a sequel) is pretty bad gameplay wise that i would only recommend if you're really into the series. i really liked the story but yeah i dunno. eh, it's fun. hard to recommend. 1 is okay. underwhelming. nothing much.

[smallestdogswilldie]

ok you know what makes me sad. as like a former self proclaimed misandrist man hater that would cry and scream about how much it sucks to live in a mans world etc etc etc put estrogen in the water fountains (was never a terf. yall can still die)

for anyone who is still… like that… how can you live in that hatred and misery every day. are women paid less yes are we denied reporductive care by old fart men who are going senile and some by some middle aged women yes. are men statistically like responsible for almost all violent crime and child crimes yes. the more you focus on this shit JUST TO GET MAD ? No ACTION? your fucking soul will get torn apart. genuienly whats the fucking point of just sitting in a circle and hating men. its such a stupid fucking “personality trait” to GENUINELY hate all men sorry babe but you are self harming your soul is shriveling. im sorry please cope. i dated a “””bi””” man because i “hated straight men” for 2 1/2 years…

tldr i hated “masculine” men so much i ended up in a loveless touch deprived relationship with a man who wouldnt touch me because he was actually gay (didnt feel the need to tell me this for 2 1/2 years..) nothing wrong with that but you see where my hatred of MASCULINITY landed me. in a relationship that was about to kill me from stress trying to figure out why i was untouchable because i chose the most feminine man in the midwest to date. hitting myself with sticks in the forest hoping someone would come kill me all because i refused to date a straight man. SWORE never to date a straight man. then i fucking did and hes normal. are they all? not at all. maybe i got lucky but im sorry. girls who are attracted to men but hate them genuinely just are in a cycle of not knowing how to pick them or of unresolved trauma. its on you to fix that. are they going to say sorry? no 😂 so YOU fix it because we all have to.

are the majority of straight cis men uneducated, rude, bigoted and kind of stupid? yes! literally yes. if you feel some type of way or anger towards men because of trauma i ABSOLUTELY understand. but we still gonna need a therapist tho girl. i cant even feel bad if you don’t address your issues and spew hatred at half the population for no other reason than to hear your own voice, and making no effort to heal yourself.

i like to believe, ground breaking statement here, that some straight men are actually great fucking people with manners and decorum and emotional intelligence. do you have to risk it to find them? yes. is it worth it? yeah. 1000000x over. there is beauty in TRUSTING SOMEONE. if they hurt you? ok ouch! do whatever has to be done to keep loving. you cannot shut yourself behind reinforced fucking bars because 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 men hurt you. easier said than done yes esp if you have trauma. do you have no desire to HEAL????? and become full of love again???? stop w the bullshit. like actually its tired childish and im going to say it its pessimistic, annoying and posionous. keep that shit to yourself until you resolve that shit. or dont and shut the fuck up!!!

some of us are trying to keep faith which you clearly have lost. and its a sick, stinky attitude to have. keep it to yourself because it makes anyone with a healthy relationship and attraction to men feel like a wet blanket. like sorry that happened to you and you havnt put any effort into healing and that you are seething with hate. its not my problem. survive like the rest of us and for your heart health, literally get help before you have a heart attack or get ulcers.

[thisdreamplace]

hi dream. it’s 😵‍💫 anon.

for your previous message; your halloween plans sound like so much fun. I didn’t watch any this month 💀. in my head, I always say “I can’t wait for *insert holiday* so I can watch movies” I never do lol. Michael Myers used to scare me so much as a child but it became one of my favorite franchises. do you like Nightmare on Elm Street? that’s the ONE for me. love Freddy.

just to update, I’m going to dance and trick or treating. 🥳 I also went to a party but it was complete shit. but there’s always next year.

I took in what you said about unstable perception of self. at the moment, I guess I’m feeling a bit of sadness over it. I look back when I had some type of confidence and there was definitely a difference in my appearance vs when my rapid insecurity started. don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been insecure but there was a time I viewed myself higher. it’s insane. it was when I was a freshman in highschool. I enjoyed life more then too. it just feels crazy how much life feels like it went down hill from there. I find myself even reminiscing about people. it kind of hurts a little, you know? I don’t exactly want to go back but I wish I could go back and appreciate who I was & where I was. I’ve never been the same since then. I found myself wishing I looked like that again & had a similar life like that again. the heartbreak is that I can’t feel that anymore and I wonder if life will ever be like that again. the pictures I took a year after my freshman year, I look so different & worse. that was when I became massively insecure. it reflected. it’s just so crazy how that worked.

but here I am sad & constantly in love with a past so much so that I don’t know how to navigate my present. regrets of not choosing a certain school, not keeping in touch with people, not saving my memories. my soul & heart are stuck craving my freshman year. not the age (I kind of miss that too but I was literally just a teenager last year lol) but the confidence, the opportunity, the people, my home, culture surrounding me. everything.

I know I will feel better eventually. I guess I just needed to be honest with myself. I’ll let the feelings pass as they need.

hiii im sorry for the late reply omg <33

ahhh i love that hehe the halloween franchise is so underrated (in my circle of friends anyway djsjs) AAAAND AH YOU GET IT. nightmare on elm street is the ultimate when it comes to old school slashers for me. but no i literally have the nightmare on elm street collectors edition for dvds 🙈🥰 they could never make me hate freddy lmfao

i hope your halloween was SO much fun!! :D i actually ended up going trick or treating as well and it was super cute :3

sometimes going down memory lane like that can be a dangerous slippery slope. we romanticize the past a lot bc its so out of reach, things really DID feel better then and from where we stand now, it seems like it’ll never be that way again. well, you still have some power though. because you dont need to have that again. instead, you can look forward to that and SO much better. dont let that one point in your past be the ultimate of your life, when you still have so much more life left to live!! you dont need to go back, believe the best times yet are still ahead 💌 (easier said than done ofc, but little steps amount up to big leaps)

i hope youre doing well 💓 with much love!!

[celestie0]

Hi lovely! I'm so sorry some people are causing such a stink over ihm Gojo having an ex wife! Figured I'd just shoot in my two cents from someone who is actually close to their thirties.

It would genuinely be concerning if a man in the middle of his thirties had never had any deeper romantic connections with anyone before reader imho (obviously there are exceptions in this world, such as ace people etc, but I digress). Knowing how men are in this day and age in general, I'd personally muuuch rather have had a man who had been through some well established relationships in the past, and grown from them rather than having to experience it all in the first go with me LOL

And on another more positive note? I think the direction you're going with this is fantastic. Being able to see the different perspectives of all the characters + their backgrounds etc just shows how individual and complex we all are as humans and that there's always more to a story than what we see at first glance! Plus, hello??? The drama that we get to enjoy over her being an important character later down in the story? And Gojo ultimately choosing reader even though he was married and in love before? Idk, that's super romantic imo.

You keep doing what you're doing ellie, you obviously have something great going and I, among many others I'm sure, love the way you tell stories! Try not to let these few ones get to you too much (though I definitely know that's easier said than done). At the end of the day, this is something you've chosen to write because you enjoy it, and people acting weird and entitled over it all is just plain unnecessary and unfair to you! I hope you manage to get some good rest!<3

(Also an off topic tidbit I figured I'd add in due to another ask I saw! Pillow princess is not a term that's exclusively tied to lesbianism/wlw, it's most often what it is tied to though, but used by lots of queers in general! Don't take it to heart!! Anyway, I don't want to flood your asks, I'm sorry lmfao<3)

Muuuch love <333

hi there again my loveee!!

and ikr?? like i don’t wanna teach a man how to be a boyfriend/husband anymore 😂😂 him having had serious previous relationships is so nice cuz i dont have to train him HAHA. like just from a creative standpoint alone, ihm gojo is more mature than my other gojos because he was married 🤨 men only mature when they’ve been in srs relationships idk if thats a controversial opinion but uhh that’s been my experience

yes yes yes agreed i think its so romantic that despite all the drama, he will choose reader in the end.

thanks bb i appreciate u. yea definitely easier said than done. but i’m trying to preserve my peace n passion. its wearing on me though 😃 i consider myself to be mentally strong but jfc. thanks for the support <3

[outlawtornn]

hello doli. i might start yapping a bit and words dont mean much when you hear them over and over but just in case u havent been told i’ll tell them anyway

first of all, i’d rather worry over you than have you suffer alone. nobody should bottle things up inside themselves and im so glad that you did get it out instead of shoving it away or taking care of those thoughts in other ways.

i know its all so, so difficult and you’ve tried so hard. it’s not easy to get over things like that when they become what you resort to, but the fact that we’re coming up on a year is so incredible. im so proud of you for making it this far, even if you still think about it, or get triggered easily. what matters is that you haven’t done it—even when you’ve thought about it. that tells me so, so much, and even if it doesn’t feel like progress, it hasn’t made you weaker! you’re strong enough to resist those urges and as long as you keep at it, things will get better.

its so much easier said than done, i know, and you’ve already been at it for so long, i know. these things won’t go away for the time being, but we are always, ALWAYS here for you—if no one else, than i am. you are such an incredible person in so many ways and you never fail to make me laugh or leave me in awe with something you’ve created :,) this community wouldn’t be the same without you.

the people who worry for you do it because they care and they’d rather worry about how you’re doing than have something happen. it isnt your fault that these thoughts wont go away because you can’t control them, doli—that’s something that takes time. its recovery.

if you ever need to talk about it or need to vent or just keyboard smash or ANYTHING, anything whatsoever, i’ll be here for you because i love you/p :,) i love you even when you’re feeling your worst, and i’ll be there for you as long as you want me to be.

you don’t have to go through these things alone, and even though it’s hard, i know you’re strong enough to get through it. ilysmsmsm <333

- ash

ohmygod ash i love u sm :(🩷

[strangertheories]

Honestly, byler to me has become a stressful 'thing' now i cannot even enjoy it due to the whole discourse and drama surrounding it lol. Also it feels like the shipping culture kinda died because people just stopped shipping things for fun but it became a match where you have to prove your ship's 'validity' 'morality' or how it actually exists in canon and it should exist in canon (for this and that reason), and you have to constantly prove yourself that you are a master analysist and you Get The Narrative and that's why you ship this ship and if it doesnt become canon then it means the writing is dumb/poor and im like..? You dont really have to do all that and i get that sometimes feeling so passionately about shipping is natural part of fandom and i have been there and done that too, but this whole narrative and mindset surronding it is just really tiring. if a ship makes you this stressed and traumatized and if it happens you say stuff like 'imma kms' maybe just kinda take a step back idk. I ship ron/nce and i adore their dynamic, but i am well aware that it is not going to happen even if i see a certain level of dynamic between nancy and robin. and i get that it is different for will since will is canonically into mike now but the overall point still stands. you can still like a ship even if it doesnt become canon you dont have to try so hard to prove its existence or validity since the shipping is usually supposed to be... fun.

Anon, I'm convinced I somehow sent this to myself because I'm exactly the same. I get being critical of the show's queer rep and plot if Byler isn't canon or being disappointed which we saw a lot of post volume 2, but yeah. Being a Byler shipper has become not fun™ and it's become a requirement that you think it's going to be endgame in order for you to ship it. And I also think the sense of superiority a lot of Byler shippers have about being great critical thinkers or having media literacy can make it feel scary to ever question anything anyone ever says, although most people were actually quite supportive when I spoke about this. All of that to say, letting go of Byler endgame before S4 has been great for me; I love analysing and theorising about Byler without the pressure of needing it to be canon.

And I know people will read this as "you shouldn't be bothered by the show using Will" but what I and I believe the anon is trying to say is that fandom should be built off of fun and wanting your ship to have content because you enjoy it, not because you're terrified it's not gonna be canon. Easier said than done, but I think you need to take care of yourself and your mental health too. I'm not famous or anything but I have quite a few followers now and I'm not going to lie or guarantee 100000% that it will be canon because I just do not know and I genuinely think people's mental health will be damaged because they've been hyping up an expectation of ST5 for years.

If shipping Byler has become too stressful for you, try take a break for a bit (I've been posting less over the last few months partially because of this too). Especially since we all have hiatus brain where expectations and theories become more and more wild because we have to keep digging deeper into the same content. I'm so scared that S5 will come out and it doesn't happen because I like a lot of people in this fan community and if Byler isn't canon, we'll get angry posts for a couple of months and maybe some theories about interference or deleted scenes (this happen post S4 a bit as well) but then it's gone ): the community revolves more about being 100% sure Byler will happen instead of enjoying the pairing of Mike and Will so without canon Byler, I don't know what will remain.

Thanks for the ask, anon. Also Ronance forever! <3

[gorgugplushie]

(paceplace) / honestly ttcc writing is very messy i agree. i love the game to bits and dissecting it but the flaws in it are as enriching to pick apart as it is frustrating to discover. it really, truly does break my heart that toons aren't as appreciated as the cogs and i wish there were toon characters you could focus on in the same way the mgrs are. the NPCs you meet along the taskline are charming and i adore every single one of them but as much as i personally like them i don't think its enough to capture people's attention in the broad sense.

irt my qualms w/ how ttcc handles its game i think one of the many main issues boils down to the fact that they're disorganized. their issue w/ how lore has been distributed has been addressed twice by the team itself iirc (once in th same tweet where they confirmed fire\\setter as canon and once in their writers backstage post from around a yr ago). their writers backstage post helped give a little more perspective on why the lore was scattered around Like That.

as all over the place as the lore is, i do feel it's important to mention that they said in their backstage writers post they plan on eventually migrating all of their social media comics to the website so things like the rain\\diver comic is very likely to still be canon they just haven't added it in yet. idk why they don't add it around the same time its posted on social media my guess is maybe they're still trying to organize all the lore or redo some of it since its so all over the place (a couple of the comics we have rn on their website that are considered canon has info that was technically retconned) but yeah. i have hope that the way they handle their lore and (hopefully!) their taskline when they get around to rewriting it will improve in the later updates. i try very hard to stay on top w/ clash's lore esp since i have ppl come to me w/ questions regarding clash's story, characters, etc. but sometimes it is Very headache-inducing so i sympathize w/ how confusing/frustrating it is to a casual player. or just any lore-enjoyer tbf. i swear on my life i almost went crazy trying to make a timeline with btl

anyways you don't have to answer this if you don't want (i gen. apologize for the wall of text i really tried to get straight to the point w/ what i'm saying. and even then there's still a lot i wanted to say) but i'm really glad to see discussions on it. oftentimes criticism gets mistaken for hate and it shuts the entire convo which Peeves me. even if w/e's being criticized turns out to fall flat its better to address or talk about it than it is to not, imo.

Yes, exactly! I agree with all the points you've made here.

It's so strange to me that ttcc doesn't really lean into more how the cogs affect the toons, or toon society for all that matter, its a wonder people are so baised with cogs because we really dont get anything about toons. Their less part of the game and more set peices for this war, which sucks!

Theres obviously alot more room to write about toon lore and it would be easier to implement it in game, yet it gets brushed aside to further characterize the cogs and thats sad bc alot of the toons are cute and unique! Ttcc has great toon designs!

I also have to agree with the way the lore is handled, id even go as far to say big updates themsleves are handled in a frankly. Unprofessional manner. I mean, compare the update live streams done in jokey powerpoint slides to ttrs panles where they talk about progress on the updates. We really get little to no inside information until it's already ready to drop. Sure the game updates more regularly but all these updates are starting to feel like filler and padding. I at least can hope that hammerspace and mix and match at least come with some toon lore?

Its a shame that alot of what drew me into this game ends up weighing it down : (

Also yeah lol i didnt main tag this for a reason i do want to keep the discussion open! But all great points!

[shedidntevenswear]

do you have any advice for someone 23 years old who doesn't know what to do with their lifes im in my last year of collage i study something i knew would give me a 'easy' job and that i would be close to home and most of the times i was okay with imagine myself working and giving that money to help my family and come home and that's it but lately i been feeling it may not be enough? does that feeling go away? i always loved arts but where I live was impossible and tbh i'm not sure what i love

🥹🥹🥹🥹 i love that you asked me this i feel like the wise old grandma of tumblr

So first of all I will say there’s really no deadline for figuring out what you want, and you’re allowed to change your mind and chase new opportunities whenever you want! Easier said than done when you need to out food on the table but never let going into one field make you feel like you’re stuck there until retirement.

My career advice I give to literally everyone about to graduate whether they want to hear it or not is that its so okay and even preferable for most people to NOT make a career out of their passions. Having your livelihood tied to your passions immediately sucks the passion and fun out of it, especially with the added pressure of productivity and performance. The best path I think is to pick something (1) you enjoy enough that you’re not going to be miserable the majority of the time (2) try to find a place to do that work where you like the people you work with and that (3) pays you enough and leaves you with enough free time to do what you really LOVE doing off the clock. There is literally no shame in being a 9-5 paper pusher if it affords you the ability to follow your passions and make art and spend quality time with your community. On the part about feeling “enough”- relying on your career alone to completely fulfill you is never gonna work which is why I think this approach is so important. Life is for living, and work is definitely part of that living but you gotta make sure other things you care about are also in the mix in healthy doses!

It sounds like you have a good short list of priorities to work around, like being close to family and not having a high pressure job. Keep that list short but firm, and besides that dont be too picky - right now is the time to try new things and early in any career is when you get to really try on many hats and follow whichever one resonates with you.

[bear-momma]

hi do u have any tips on making friends? ive been trying so hard but i cant make any. idk if its cause im off putting or ugly or both but im rlly isolated and i feel like i wont ever progress

im not the best at keeping conversations or making them and i have terrible anxiety but i do try

im in the process of getting diagnosed for autism but im already diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder and ik that affects stuff so maybe thats why? or im just unlikeable in general

im only 16 and i dont go to public school anymore cause of the things that happened but i barely had friends there either

ive tried irl and online so i think im just gonna give up now and wait

i just hate never talking to anyone or having nobody to talk to or confide in

im always alone in my room bored waiting on something to happen. i barely talk now (not like i ever did in the first place) but i talk even less like im mute

i lack a lot of things like social skills and cues ive always been called dumb or slow and when i was in a not so good relationship thing w someone he would degrade me and tell me i wouldnt ever make it without him and im afraid thats true

i just dk what to do

anyway im srry if i broke a boundary or if im not allowed on ur page cause of my age and for the vent and talking a lot

let me know and i’ll get off

You will never have to apologize for venting, and my page is open to everyone who isn't on my DNI, so you're okay 💛

I can imagine you feel very isolated, and my heart goes out to you. You are in no way unlikable, nor are you unlovable. Being different does not make you bad. Making connections can be especially difficult when we've had bad experiences in the past. Sometimes we just have to find our people, which is much easier said than done.

Do you have access to a therapist? Or a counselor? I would love to give you advice, but I worry an internet blog won't be able to accurately help you over a long period of time :(

Either way, I'm sending you so much strength. Things will get better, and I know that seems impossible right now, but you have my promise 💛

[shii-kana]

Better Each Day - (a journal entry)

Are you someone who's not satisfied with your current self? Well, I am. I know to myself that I have so much potential to succeed and be the best version of me. I am capable of many things.

I just realized that, when I stopped putting people whom I thought were more talented or capable than me, on pedestals. I realized that they are just human, like me. They make mistakes, and have weaknesses. But they have something that sets them apart from the rest.

Its not about how talented you are, which sets you up for success. Its not all about beauty or charisma either (although i admit that it may be factors as well.) It's this: 'Do what nobody will'. Everybody goes partying? Go study. Everyone has the latest IPhone? Why dont you go save your money instead? Or make investments?

But the thing is, its easier said than done. It's easier to lay scrolling on your phone all day, than study for a one or a few hours. Because it makes us leave our comfort zone. And we humans dont like that. We love comfort.

The question is, how do we even improve ourselves? How do we set ourselves up for success? We build our discipline. Our resilience, and overall character.

the first thing that I need to do is to clear my mind. The reason for why I procrastinate is that I have no clue what to do next. Should I study? Practice my craft? Sleep? Well, an unorganized brings an unorganized life. We need to have a system of our own. That tells us what we should be doing. What we need to prioritize. How much time and effort we will delegate to each task. Transformation starts from the renewing of your mind.

Next, is "Do your best". I know it sounds cliché, but it actally works wonders. If possible, give more than what you are expected. Quality is a valuable asset in the real world. Initiate.

Thirdly, be consistent. Progress is key, not perfection. It doesnt matter how much you change in one day, if you wont keep it up. Consistency is the key to progress. Even if you make small efforts---as long as you are consistent, your progress is guaranteed. As James Clear had said in his book 'Atomic Habits', be 1% better each day.

And the most important for me is: don't be lazy. Don't just sit there like a potato. DO something. Be productive. Chase your dreams instead just daydreaming about them.

[thesugarhole]

thoughts from todays page readings: (it might be easier if i do it during commute but then post when im home?)

reread 49 real quick and again. i think i already wrote this so this is just me repeating myself but it will be relevant later so refresher course. as much as i love learning about captain this takes away a lot of whimsy by exposing part of whats up early on... like, youre no longer under that doubt that "is captain really nuts or is this for real the world they live in" you know?? keep some mystery man.

^feeling awkward reading this. dunno why

rubix cube chapter was so cute 🥺 im sad that thing got left behind

and again!!!! worst comic ever makes statement way ahead of its time regarding the internet!!! why does everything need to have fucking blue tooth log in connection talk directly to your brain!!! even a rubik (rubix) cube!!!! arrrgh!!!!!!

it doesnt mention annet by name but it implies that she will try and solve wishes/queries to the best of her ability (currently, think chatgpt lying through its teeth when it has nothing- when annet has nothing, she somehow creates it). nothing to note here just a detail i want to remember, "a god who answers" type of divinity

"Silly willy. Told you I am unsolvable!" I said smugly. Just then, something impossible happened. My User twisted me in 4 dimensions. "That's amazing!" I shouted. "I can't believe you've done it!" I didn't know Users were designed to operate in 4-dimensional space like this! "Hpmf" Charles said, not looking too impressed. "Well, that was surprisingly easy." "No! Charles! You don't understand!" I cried. "You can operate in 4-dimensional space! You've solved an impossible riddle! Something, within you, makes you simply incredible!" In this very moment the ropes holding us up snapped and Charles dropped me. When he let me go, I fell out of 4-dimensional synch into regular 3-dimensional space and all my 6 sides became discorded and unsolved once again.

sorry to squeeze the text to not make too long a post but

type of mysteries i want to hold on to for a little while longer ^

51

now that we know captain isnt bullshitting its even harder to be on snippys side on anything about anything because again. hes just some guy. he has no business knowing about any of this and he has yet to see it in action so why should he believe what captain says you known. needlessly frustrating the reader!!

"Are these children made up like the needy children to whom you and Pilot keep trying to gift my things to?" He asked, tapping his foot angrily. "All of the children I speak of are real, I assure you!" I said. "I doubt it," he huffed. "You're seriously the most absent-minded GIRL I know. Where would you even be without me?"

me at vitaly right now im going to fucking snap. stop doing this and let snippy perceive captain as Undefined. i get hes a Camone but good lord i dont think he would be this stubborn about this particular topic with everything else going on. like. captain allows it but it implies the reading of "zee got tired of correcting everyone" IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. and again i got extra beef with it because it definitely feels like backtracking on the nonbinary character to try and make a more main fronting hetero couple which grrrrr.

(...) There are monsters all around that will eat you if I don't protect you."

loss of whimsy (once again) in romantically only text because we know snippy isnt really doing anything other than survive. :( also more instances of snippy/captain being heavy handed in rewrites, i definitely dont remember any of this conversation when i first read the comic

listen its fine. its fine IF, ONLY IF both snippy and captain get this type of romantic dialogue with everyone else because 1. (and not to be a stubborn old mule about it but) reading this as '3 (+117) extraordinary people trying to get affection from 1 boring guy' makes it a lot funnier and engaging 2. you have to love something so so much to try and save it and since captain is trying to save whatever humanity is left in the world zee should be in love with the other guys just as much

^ its far from canon but it would be so fun, i genuinely mean this

"Do any of your organs feel infinite?" what an absolute deranged question to ask someone even with context. yes. now THIS dialogue i like

"Me and my wonderful coworkers, Goodness rest their weary, tuckered souls…"

numbers one through six are dead?? it makes sense i cant even begin to put an image to any of them sdjhgkj. captain considering eight a daughter though is kinda cute i wont lie

"I didn't fix the li..." I started to speak. "Good job on fixing the power here. I'm going to the bathroom," Charles rudely interrupted me again. I watched him depart from my table with a frown. Why was he so G-damn obtuse about things? My explanation was perfectly legible. Everyone else understood me just fine. Especially Pilot. Pilot understood what I was doing right away.

okay listen. im pilots number defender here. and!! as i said before he is VERY!!!! SMART!!!!! even with AFTER being PINEAPPLE BOMBED and ANNET DISCONNECTED!!! but im not sure to what degree he actually understands what you (captain) have going on and instead is just going with the flow of whatever you say. like he has background context, he knows about the stuff annet/g-dir was up to. but if he didnt know about this zero-eight business, which is parallel (and hidden from the public?) to a degree, before The Events then i dunno, might be a "why not, what else am i doing today" type of situation. you get what im saying? does this make sense?

Alas, I was too late. Charles had bumped into the lovely burrowing-worm in the bathroom entrance and then he started to scream.

points and laughs

[shingia]

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

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