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So we all know by now that Dazai is comfortable enough around Chuuya to show nervousness/worry.

Enough times for Chuuya to pick up on that pattern. The pattern, may I remind you, that doesn't have evident correlation to either nervousness or worry to most people. One that can even be interpreted as misplaced given the situation.
Which means that Dazai has done this in front of Chuuya so often, that Chuuya at first was hella confused, before he finally made a connection between when and why it happens. And still remembered that connection after four years of separation. Which gets us to my point:
What if this isn't the only emotion Dazai displays weirdly?
What if he has multiple unconventional patterns he displays for sadness, frustration, content, or disgust? The times he really feels them, and they become too strong for him to just deal with normally? What if these are the only times he's actually being genuine with his emotions?
And Chuuya is the only one who is familiar with them all?
Dazai would be jumping rope and Chuuya would be like, "quit sulking, let's get icecream"
Dazai hanging upside down on the couch and Chuuya going, "It's okay, mackerel. You can cry."
Dazai actually crying, full on heart-wrenching sobs, and Chuuya unironically going, "What, good news?"
It's just... comforting, for one person in Dazai's life to read him like a book. Everyone else would look at him like he's crazy, displaying wrong emotions/behaviors at the wrong time, but Chuuya knows that it's just how he processes feeling properly, and thus he's the only one Dazai can count on to put things into context and understand, which makes him display them even more openly.
Because Chuuya never shamed him for his quirks, as much as Dazai never did his.
#It's such a funny situation to imagine as well#Dazai doing the most out of pocket shit and Chuuya being like “It's okay. I'm here.”#and everyone else going like: ?????#I'd like for everyone to imagine weird Dazai quirks and how they relate to his true feelings#maybe even take moments from the manga that would be so cool#imagine the out of pocket things he does had just been him processing his feelings this entire time??#and there was no Chuuya to tell us#I mean seeing Dazai roll around with any ADA member would have made that a “haha quirky Dazai moment”#Instead of. Oh. He's *actually* worried.#bsd#bungou stray dogs#skk#soukoku#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#bsd dazai#bsd chuuya#bsd hcs#bsd headcannons#bsd analysis#J's post#J's writing ✍🏽#Edit: as one tag said I just described autism lmao
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happy birthday to technoblade
#art#illustration#mcyt#technoblade#technoblade fanart#technoblade25#lordofshibasart#i Could write a paragraph in the tags on how much hes impacted me and how it feels weird#but thats not Really my thing haha#anyway happy birthday big man <3
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"you don't actually take selfshipping seriously, right?" i do yeah. im holding the plushie i named after him. we're watching roblox video essays until my melatonin kicks in
#florys writes most cringe post ever. asked to do something#theres a weird space with melatonin where#its 10-25 minutes after taking and im not. tired yet but i am very foggy#absolutely nothing going on in my mind rn. except f/o and this roblox video essay.#f/o :: kian#self shipping#f/o posting#self ship#riako#<- is that what they call it. idk. its there for blocked tags bc i dont want the “no i dont actually DATE my f/o haha” crowd in my notes#f/o community#this gets a bowling rally tag why not#💥 | bowling rally
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he may be the better swordsman but we all know who wins the wrestling matches
(psst i'm on bluesky now i guess?)
#he's into it. btw. in case it needed to be said#i'm on thousand orcs now and i'm sooo happy to see them again <3 my babies i missed them#although. well this is a long story but#one time i had an oc. a repressed teen boy redditor. and in-universe he made some ocs of his own#and a friend of mine said of those ocs 'oh the girl oc would be a super compelling character on her own#but when interacting with the main character boy oc she'd suddenly become really flat and boring'#and i was like 'haha yeah' but i didn't understand the depth of the words for i had never encountered this in writing before#now i have.#not that she's terrible but it does kinda feel like there was a character named catti-brie in starless night who i really enjoyed and then#they had a falling out w the actor and had to bring in someone with less charisma to replace her#upside down smile emoji#but despite all that i LOOOVE her and drizzt's relationship#their dynamic is really good. my main complaint i wish we got to see more of them#but they're sooo good i love them. he's her wife <3#they're so weird about it. they both know they're in love but for some incomprehensible reason they choose to just be like#permanently pair bonded best friends who do everything together instead#idiots i adore them#legend of drizzt#lod#drizzt do'urden#catti-brie battlehammer#catti-brie#dnd#forgotten realms#cattidrizzt#is that a ship name?? i don't think i've ever seen it used as a tag#i love that they're basically straight people doing the queerbaiting 'their relationship is too deep and complex to put into words' thing#iconic#i wrote these tags on my phone cuz i ran out of time to post this at home so i hope nothing glitches fingers crossed#i was gonna post this on bsky as well but it will have to wait til i get home
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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I want you to know I adore every piece of Logan fan art you've done. I keep coming back to them. THANK YOU for making art!!
stop this is SO SWEET!! 🥹💝 thank YOU for your kind words and for supporting me, i've never had so many people seeing my art before and that warms my heart, i read every single comment/tag every day!! ^_^
have a wip comic wolvie!
#my first ask yippeeee#genuinely so happy to see so many people liking what i do#it's been like 12 years since i started posting art online and only now people actually *see* them somehow. bless tumblr tag system#it feels so weird but refreshing#now when i open tumblr im always smiling bc of the hilarious comments in the tags haha and the really nice compliments too#truly thank you :]#ghostlydoodles#ghost writing#< this is gonna be my ask tag please its a pun#wolverine#bamf
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got asked to draw two of my old wc rp ocs :-) left is cicadahop, right is scallopstar
#my art#wc oc#squints. its been a dogs age since ive posted anything wc oc related#oc#BUT YA!!!! these guys are old. i think i made cicadahop 2018-2019 but i could be wrong/i have no way of checking haha#and scallopstar was made 2020.? i think? both are vaaastly different#if i were to play them today i think id keep a lot of things the same for cicada. shes just a silly girl who wants to make friends and#and be kind. as for scallopstar. i think id change a lot#one reason: ive gotten a lot better (I HOPE) with storytelling now that ive been playing dnd for a well over a year#and since i also run two different campaigns. two: i have more experience writing a character with an arc that turns them into a villain#three: i was really going through it at the time so. erm. LMFAO plus i was like 16 so ANDKJFGNJDFHBGJH#but yeah!!! kinda crazy looking at my old art and seeing how much ive improved#also a weird feeling to draw them again but not a Bad weird feeling. been doing a lot of reminiscing#thank god we can copy/paste tags bc if i had to rewrite this all id be so sad HAHA#the crop was weird so i wanted to fix it before it was too late lol#since these 2 are ocs im not gonna indicate this was a request the same way i will with the other requests lol
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(A Short Fic About) A Normal Day With Your Double Mutated Brother
☆ Fandom: rottmnt (au by @heckitall )
☆ Warnings: Nothing!! Just fluff and the boys being silly :]
☆ Word Count: 1432
☆ AO3 Link: N/A
☆ Characters: Leo, Donnie, Mikey
Uhh so I might have written something inspired by Heckl's comics and drawings :] go check his comics/artwork out!! Hope you like it (and happy birthday!!) (Also if there is any mistake... well, lets say its because it is 1 am)
When it came to playing video games the twins would always end up getting too invested in it, which either would turn up to them fixating on the game for hours or fighting over who could beat it in “the right way”. Even when the games were two player ones, they’d still do the same thing.
Not so surprisingly, this didn’t change even when Donnie became twice his size. Instead now the boys were sitting in Leo’s room, Leo laying his back on Donnie and playing the new the Legend of Zelda game on their switch. Donnie was watching the screen with joy, his tail wagging, and at times chirping to Leo.
“See? I can do the puzzles quite well.” Leo said without looking away from the screen. “I had told you.”
Donnie chirped as a response, as if making fun of Leo.
Leo turned to him, “Just because I got stuck it doesn’t mean I am not good with them. Now let’s go back to the depths, since somebody thinks I can’t handle it.”
The double mutated turtle smirked, making turtle sounds, before noticing something on the screen and pointing.
“Wha- oh shi--!” He yelped as he moved with Donnie’s arms holding him, making various sounds in the meantime. As Leo turned back his attention to the game, bleeping as he continued playing it with Donnie commenting at times once again. Just like before Donnie’s situation, as if nothing had changed. Everybody in the lair would agree this was nice.
Neither of them was sure how long had passed when Mikey entered with a smile on his face. “Are you two still playing Tears of the Kingdom?” He asked as he approached them.
“Yep.” Leo replied.
“It’s been five hours.” Mikey said.
“Uh-huh.”
“Which means nobody would say anything if I interrupted you for very important reasons.” He grinned.
“Wrong.” Leo responded.
“Don’t think Raphie or dad would agree.” Mikey said, knowing very well that he was right and the two would hear about how they shouldn’t sit down and play video games, forgetting to take care of themselves such as eating. Not to mention how Raph would take this to his advantage and get the switch for himself, not letting Leo play for the rest of the day.
The slider sighed and starred at his younger brother, knowing very well that Mikey had won. He saved his game and put the switch aside. Meanwhile, Donnie huffed from behind. “Soooo tell us about whatever that is very important?” Leo asked as he got up.
“I was thinking about how long the lair has been the same, and about how nice it would be to redecorate it.” Mikey explained.
“You’re the artist Mike, not us.” Leo pointed out.
“Weeeellll, I wasn’t only thinking about art. Remember the Christmas lights?”
Leo squinted at Mikey. “You want to decorate the lair with Christmas lights.”
“Yes!”
“In August.”
“Yeah!”
“…”
“…”
“You’ll ignore Halloween?!” Leo gasped, a bit dramatically.
“We can have Halloween later on!” Mikey retorted. “I just want to have some bright lights around, and maybe a few other new stuffs. A colorful lair wouldn’t hurt anyone, instead it would bring joy! Also, it is for art and creativity!”
“So, you mean you want to,” Leo snickered, and his brothers knew what was coming. “Lighten up the mood.”
Mikey groaned, while Donnie growled, both hating the pun. Leo giggled at his own joke, proud of it.
“Ignoring Leo’s terrible pun for my sanity, all I am saying is it would be nice if you could help.” The youngest said.
“Eh, sure.” Leo shrugged, not that he could say no. Donnie got on his feet too, careful to not accidentally knock anything down. He was still getting used to his new size.
With Mikey’s lead they walked out, heading to where Mikey already had the boxes filled with Christmas lights. “We can start from here, and then move to the living room. Leo, can you get the lower parts done?”
“Call it done already.” The slider winked as he walked towards a box.
Mikey joined him, grabbing lights from a different box, “Donnie can you help me? I need to reach the higher parts.”
Donnie chirped as he leaned for Mikey to climb on his shoulders, just like how he did with Raph. He carefully climbed and then patted Donnie’s shoulder to confirm he was ready. Donnie churred happily, he stood up again.
So, they began redecorating the lair with the lights, leaving some walls empty so Mikey could draw on them. In the meantime, they chatted, talking about various things and unimportant stuff. Filling the silence with happy chatter. Mikey would talk about his next art projects, then mention something that inspirited him, Leo would ask about it, and the conversation would go on.
It was just like every single time they spent time together, yet it was everything Donnie could ask for. The chatter of his brothers, Mikey’s unexpected ideas, Leo’s dumdum jokes… It was comforting for him.
So, comforting that---
CHURRR
Leo and Mikey stopped talking, looking at Donnie with surprise and glee. Donnie confusedly looked Leo and then at Mikey. As silence was the only answer, Donnie realized what he just had done. His brothers’ exclamation confirmed his fear:
“OH MY GOSH!!!” Mikey grinned as he jumped down to see Donnie better. “DID YOU DO THAT?!”
“DID YOU JUST CHURR?!” Leo wheezed.
Donnie chirped a lot, trying his best in his situation. It didn’t help that Leo kept laughing, and Mikey kept saying he sounded like a happy cat. Maybe if Donnie was his not double mutated self, he would’ve acted cooler and kept calm. But he was not and all he could do chirping. Which frustrated him even more, resulting him running out of the room.
Leo and Mikey were quick to follow him.
Donnie had lay under a pile of clothes, most of them being his hoodies and some of Raph’s sweaters that Raph had helped him wear (and later Donnie hadn’t let Raph get them back) in his room. His tail was visible, wagging angrily.
The two brothers approached carefully, not to startle him. Mikey looked at Leo, unsure what to do or say. He was feeling a bit bad for Donnie, but he still couldn’t help thinking that he behaved like a cat. Leo wasn’t feeling much different. He knew that he shouldn’t have laughed that much, while Donnie was still upset with his double this whole situation.
Leo was first to speak, “Uh hey Dee, mind if we join you?”
A growl.
“Aww come on, we got something to show you.” He said cheerfully, Mikey looked at him confusedly. The slider winked at him, meaning he had a plan.
Donnie didn’t leave the pile, but got his head out of it, enough to be able to see them. Leo grinned, and then chirped. Donnie’s eyes widened, surprised, and confused.
“I thought you had stopped doing it and were unable to anymore.” Mikey squinted at Leo.
“Well, maybe Donnie’s chirping has helped me figure it out, couldn’t it be?” He spoke.
Before Mikey could say anything and tell his disbelief, Donnie chirped.
Leo turned his attention back to him, “I have absolutely no idea what I am saying though, but- chirp!”
“Are you sure about not knowing what you’re saying?” Mikey questioned.
“Chiirp.” Leo smirked.
This seemed to lift Donnie’s mood a bit though. His tail was wagging in the happy way, and he began chirping again. Mikey joined too, since he never had hidden the fact that he still could chirp. Soon the room was filled with chirping of every sort, and the snickering of Mikey and Leo among them at times when one of them made a funny sounding one.
As the boys' conversation changed with the passing time, Leo turned to Mikey. "About the Christmas lights... you're definitely up to something." He said. "Could it be a prank against Raph?"
"Please, I would never." Mikey responded, obviously guilty. He didn't need to say it to confirm Leo's guess when he happily stimmed the way he'd do when he was excited for something.
"Get ready for a surprised Raph yelp, Dee." Leo looked at the clock on his phone. Then looked at Donnie. "He'd wake up any moment now."
Donnie chirped in response, letting Leo pet his back. Something that kept Donnie relaxed, they'd discovered.
Then they heard the surprised yelp, as Leo had guessed:
"ITS CHRISTMAS?!"
Leo and Donnie turned to Mikey, who was giggling. "Brumation prank," He grinned. "Never gets old."
#rottmnt#look its the real reason why heck was getting questions about Armageddonnie#im very shy to directly ask questions haha....... uh#also ive been meaning to write this for a while then saw the asks answered with art of mikey and leo and thought#WHAT IF I WROTE ABOUT THEM#no plot just fluff#hope you dont mind the tag ;W;#also posting fics here instead of ao3 feels always so weird am i doing this right??#oh right tagging#rottmnt fanfiction#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#mikey is a lil shit :]#donnie and leo have been relaxing its his turn to be the family disaster#im also happy i managed to finish this before day of birth ended yipppee#forgot to add:#tc*st dni!!!!#not beta read#oneshot#no romantic relationships#family fluff
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whining moment but why does my brain have to Immediately stay stuck on one tiny part of an otherwise very nice comment 😭
#me: haha yes more weird smut#someone: you write good and this plot is so interesting but the sex is too much for me#me: haha. that's fine. this does not affect me at all.#god especially with what's coming up in the next couple chapters.......... hm#well they can just skip over it ig#i'm not that sensitive Unless it's about my writing rip#ben.txt#writing tag
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I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy
#you can tag anyone you feel this way about but I was thinking about Rook hunt in particular#tbh I feel like he'd picture the same - just with Vil and Neige#he wanta his oshis to be besties (he is just lime me fr) (just a liiiittle furyher frim reality)#(I view neigexVil as nore of a crackship until we get more Neige development/lore)#(our queen Vil doesn't deserve to be genuinely shipped with someone who's kinda 2D rn.#But I respect people who flesh out neige with headcanons - they write the dynamics realy well tbh)#(hopefully we get more RSA development at some point I think that'd be cool)#(plus I'd cry if TWST just. stopped. after the last NRC OB)#(I mean it'd make sense aince that's where the story is based and it'll probably end once Yuu finds a way home#- which feels close now thanks to Ortho)#(But at the same time I. have been following this since it first came out when I was about 16 - same age as the first year squad lol)#(and I feel like it'd feel weird if we stopped getting main story updates)#(Im rambling a LOT lol - probably because I'm tipsy haha)#(hope someone can relate to my lamenting of future woes though)#(Oh well - I should atop borrowing sorrow from the future and live joyfully with the now)#(I do miss my friends who've stopped being in the fandom though - and my friends who deactivated and idk how to contact now)#(sugarandmelody... zacrazyvalentine... I miss them. but we had fun#writing and stuff. and I suppose that's what matters in the end. that we had fun.)#at least - I hope they had fun too. and I kinda hope they think about me how I think of them sometimes.#have a nice day if you're reading this. I rambled in the tags a while and I understand that it's kinda long lol.#and probably riddled with typos#I'm tearing up for some reason haha. well it is what it is#I hope each and every one of my followers know how amazing they are - I hope y'all have a wonderful day - evening - or night#I wish I could hug people across the internet lol#I should stop posting on tumblr while drinky haha#tw drunk#tw drinking#i'll tag it just in case#don't wanna cause discomfort and stuff
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had to train a weird guy at work. my friends keep insisting i should report him (bc he kept making sexual jokes/comments amongst other things) but hes friends w my boss (who is a pussy bitch) so it would just reflect badly back on me so its not worth it. also he was well intentioned i think... just weird...
#he kept looking at my chest which idc bc i never look at ppls eyes anyway but he kept calling himself out on it#like haha sorry i swear im just reading your shirt#at one point he said 'im just looking respectfully. maybe disrespectfully.'#and i cannot set a boundary to save my life so every time he did anything like that i just laughed it off#and then he kept calling me adorable if i forgot something or messed something up... and patted my head??? like wtf man leave me alone#i just work here#and so does he now i guess#anyway there was other stuff too but i dont wanna write an essay in the tags here#it was weird tho.
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Screw it *uses lichen as symbolism*
#I looove being weird and nerdy when writing <3#haha get it? it’s because the algae keeps the fungi alive by giving him nutrients#and the fungi keeps the algae alive by allowing it to be in an ambient with access to minerals and water#haha isn’t it funny how both these species can be found by themselves but form a strong mutually beneficial association when they’re togethe#r????#aw man I want to tag the wip so bad but. I don’t have a NAME for it yet#:(#wife speaks#not hilda
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1 more day here and then I'm gonna be heading back up to my apartment for the first time in over 2 weeks. Haven't stayed there since this all began. I've grown a bit of a routine here, and I'll be right back to my apartment, but without the prior norms of it.
It's home though. It's home.
I'll have to do a ton of cleaning and rearranging tho to try to fit as much of my father's furniture within my apartment. My apartment is so small and the furnitures so many. I'm determined tho. I'm gonna fit as much as I can. Took measurements today even of all the things I wanna take, so I can puzzle it out as I go.
I. Also. Need to bring June to the vet. Bc she's got worms. Lol. Lmao even. I am trying to not think about it rn.
#speculation nation#i tried calling the vet but they didnt pick up so ill call tomorrow#i think it'll b fine. just gotta get treatment.#with everything else though i am so fucking stressed#trying to think about the money. cheering myself up by thinkijg about the money#i will get 7 times the amount of money that i made the entirety of last year. all in 1 go.#whenever the insurance companies give it to me. lol. haha. lmao.#3 months until summer classes start. after all this furniture moving im going to be so so so so free#maybe ill try to get a lot of writing done during those months. itd be the perfect time.#im nervous about going home. i dont know how ill feel there. its gonna be so weird#ive been in limbo. my life has majorly changed but im in limbo so i dont truly feel it#but ill be back home. and not have to go to work. and ill have a frankly obscene amount of money to get all at once#putting it towards school. finishing school. gotta finish school. i will finish school.#but then i can get a decent job and get a house with a garage and a patio where i can garden#and learn how to ride a motorcycle. Properly fitted to my size.#and i can play my violin without anxiety of upsetting unit neighbors with the sound#im getting through the current times by thinking of the future. just gotta think of the future.#animal illness/#tagging jsut in case#bugs ment/
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taking a creative writing intro course this fall and i’m so, so excited!!!!
#.txt#it definitely wasn't in the books but the other two courses i had slotted aren't going to work until the spring so i chose it as a filler#and then got really attached to it#first had to submit to the humiliating ordeal of confirming it was a personal interest course to my advisor but she was chill with it haha#(bc she was pushing for me to take another course that's only offered in the fall but i said maybe next year because i'm already taking two#other language courses) (it's too complicated for the tags)#i'm just genuinely so so excited#hoping it will consistently inspire me to write + i'll feel a little more learned#since i loved creative writing in high school but the first year of college was just crazy insane busy (which is kind of the vibe for my#future endeavors as well because almost full time work full time school ahahah)#of course scared that i'll have hardcore imposter syndrome and everyone else will be better writers and talented and passionate#which i want! but it also makes me feel a sort of weird vibe idk i know i'm good at writing. but the technical aspect is tricky#plus there's also weird feelings about childhood dreams -#as in i always wanted to be a writer but i learned to bite down on that dream because obviously it wasn't going to work out#so sometimes i feel like i failed myself by giving up on my dream even though i didn't really?#because studying something else was the practical choice for ensuring i have more prospects for career etc#plus i do like what i'm studying now#but writing was just what i always wanted you know#so i guess i can reclaim it a little now#school starts in two days though. haha *dies*
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Price of Knowledge (Whumpay fanfic)
@whumpay Day 4: Gore
Inscryption, Luke Carder-centric
Warnings: EYE TRAUMA HOLY SHIT. Eye trauma, gross sensory stuff relating to eye trauma (bone scraping and squishy stuff, etc.), torture, sensory overload (mainly that Thing where you’re in so much pain you can’t talk or think), non-graphic vomiting at the end. Also spoilers for the main game of Inscryption.
Notes: The uh. Eyeball sequence in Act 1. That’s all I have to say.
(I haven’t started Kaycee’s Mod yet so don’t spoiler it I swear to god-)
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Everything went red.
His body curled in around itself, as if trying to get away from the pain. He wasn’t even able to scream, just barely able to force himself to breathe. The smell of copper flooded his nose, the stream barely touching the side of his mouth and a few tiny disgusting drops crossing his lips. The hand clenching the knife trembled, and he faintly heard something hit the floor with a wet *plop*.
“Good.” The phantom shape of a person stood on the other side of the table, speaking to him with a calm and airy voice. “Now the other one.”
“…What?” He struggled to lift his head, could barely make his eye focus in the darkness.
“The other eye.”
For a long moment, he just stared up at her, trying to form a coherent response, or even a coherent thought, through the pain. This wasn’t right, he shouldn’t need to– where was he even, this wasn’t the cabin, what was going on–
“Mr. Carder, please don’t make this difficult.”
Something about hearing his own name jolted him awake, and he knew he wasn’t just trapped in the game, this was something else. The knife fell from his grip, clattering against the table. That seemed to draw her focus.
As it did, he swiped his hand, throwing the knife aside and forcing himself to his feet as fast as he could, even as it made his head spin. He stumbled backwards a step and a half before a hand grabbed at his scalp, nails digging into skin. Glaring at the figure leaning over the table, he just barely spat out, “Go fuck y–”
The side of his head slammed into the table, rattling the empty socket and making him bite his tongue. No matter how he pushed against the tabletop, he couldn’t pry himself from under her grip as she lifted the knife–it looked to be the same knife, which made no sense because she never bent down to get it–
It hurt so much worse the second time.
The first time, it hadn’t felt real. It had felt like when he’d gotten his wisdom teeth removed, where it was just the shifting movement and the pressure but none of the pain. The pain hadn’t kicked in until it was over, and at that point it was a simple all-encompassing pain.
This wasn’t like that.
He felt the blade being shoved past the skin and bone at the edge of his eye, scratching against the inside of his skull. It cut the eyeball itself as it did, slicing into the soft tissue by complete accident and sending another trickle of blood down his nose.
He felt the pressure as the knife made its way to the back and was pushed, attempting to pry the eyeball from the socket. The hand on the top of his head pressed down, holding his skull as still as it could.
(And again, he couldn’t scream. He could just gasp and whimper, one hand briefly clawing at the arm of his attacker and trying to throw it off of him.)
He felt the tugging. He hadn’t even noticed the nerve the first time, but he did now, felt the last thing connecting his eye and his face being pulled taut. The pressure on the eye and his head let up, but only long enough for a hand to reach for his face and–
He felt a slight squeeze on his eyeball. He felt the briefest cutting sensation.
His body was carelessly tossed to the floor. He let out a tiny yelp of pain, hands instinctively reaching to cover and protect the open sockets. The mix of blood and jelly-like fluid smeared on his palms, and his head being forced sideways meant that it now coated two-thirds of his face. Every time he tried to scream his throat seemed to close up, what little noise he made probably going unheard by the figure standing over him.
“Let that serve as a lesson.” Another *plop*, this one right next to his head, and he recoiled away from it. It was followed by the sound of metal hitting the floor, probably a few feet away. “Don’t go looking where you’re told not to.”
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The feeling of cold metal on his forehead did little to ground him.
Luke heaved again, but nothing came out this time. His arms trembled as he braced himself against the bathroom counter, and he’d resorted to resting his head against the running faucet. He hadn’t been sleeping well for a few nights, and he didn’t really have waking up from a nightmare needing to puke in him.
One hand traveled up his face, gently pressing at the dark bag under his eye. He could still feel the curve of something round beneath the skin, something resisting the light pressure he put on it. It was still there. Not that he should’ve needed to check, it should’ve been pretty damn obvious if it was gone. But instinct was instinct, he supposed.
He really needed to quit digging into that game. It seemed to be messing with his head.
Luke finally raised his head and saw his own half-asleep reflection. He stared at it for a while, holding his breath. Then, he slammed one hand on the counter and screamed.
He screamed the way he’d tried to in the nightmare. He screamed to let out the stress of the past several days, of countless rabbit holes and dead ends. He screamed for everything that sat in his chest, every minor annoyance at his day job and every loose shred of grief that you could argue led him to this point.
When he was done–when it finally died in his chest–he slammed his hand against the counter a second time, sucking in a deep breath. “Fuck… fuck.” He gagged, and he doubled over the sink again as he spat up a mouthful of bile. A cough rattled his chest, and he wiped his forehead.
He’d revisit this again in the morning. Maybe he’d throw that game out, maybe he’d decide that whatever this was would just continue until he reached the end. But for now, he needed to sleep.
#my writing#whumpay2023#fanfic#inscryption#inscryption fanfic#luke carder#eye horror#ask to tag#was gonna be like 'yeah obviously I'm a luke carder enjoyer have you seen-' but I haven't. actually posted the 'fics I was gonna point to.#trust me if you've seen the horror series rambling I was doing late last year then you KNOW that this. checks out#daniel mullins handed me a dumbass (/affectionate) horror protag poking where they shouldn't#followed up with 'enthusiastic over his interests' 'annoyed with the weird happenings' and 'polite while asking folks for info'#and THEN capped it off with 'he started doing YouTube to cope with the grief of losing his sister who was his card game buddy'#WHILE I WAS PLAYING THIS WITH MY OWN SISTER NEARBY TO HELP WITH THE PUZZLES I WAS TOO DUMB FOR#I like this guy A Lot. so of course I had to be mean to him.#what no I didn't scream a bit myself when I found out what the dagger did what are you talking about haha....
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i like having all these different places i can ramble, very grateful that there are so many options
#snac munches#<- it's been like 5 years i still need to change that tag...#journals never worked for me#since i never saw the point of writing my feelings down for no one to see..#and I especially do not want to see them. Thank#Appreciation post for every outlet i have <3#my bsky :D my art blog :3 my 30 batrillion discord servers with just 1 other person in them :)#my google docs !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#speaking of..#Would it be weird to make like..an OC blog?#I don't even know what i'd post on it..#I want adgnkbjkhjkahgf#DUDE#I WANT A CANON URL FROM MY OWN OC LORE PLEASEEE#But...#i don't wanna lose this one :(#Just make another blog and post on it as if I were that OC..#trueeee#AUGHHH AND I#I STILL NEED TO REVAMP THE TAGS ON MY ARTBLOG AAGH#At least i've got ideas :]#sorry for the tag rambling.No i;'m not. it's my blog..#they're my shoes...#I usually keep the rambling to my art blog#It's different from the one in my about section#haha xD j-rye if your'e int3erest ed xD haah haha#do you get it.like my old URL that got stolen by a bot. jayraii.#OK AWESOMEE !! Bye
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