#It's literally insane and I'm even scared about it
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!!yellowjacket s3 ep7 spoilers!! (adult + teen vanalysis!! in one?? crazy!!)
I think we're starting to see how teen Van turns into adult Van. But I do mean starting. Something I've noticed, particularly from the hospital scene, is that adult Van is TERRIFIED of her past self. When she realises who she's seeing?
Tell me that isn't a look of defiance and apprehension. She's not surprised by the fact that it's her. Of course its her- but all the same you can see that she's scared. "Look at you...You're afraid." is the first line teen Van says. Yk how that reads to me? "Look how you've ended up. Weak. Alone. Defying the wilderness." Teen Van, the much more ruthless and wilderness oriented Van is looking down on her in that moment. (Interesting to note: "You're afraid." Van also very much thinks she's about to die here- as did i -and Teen Van knows this. I think what she's really saying is "you're afraid of death" which ties in very nicely to my previous passive suicidality ideas.) And I think this same episode is where we start to see Van going down that route of fearing herself.
There's also just something so poetic about Teen Van being the one Van sees nearly killing her (and the return of the fire motif). That shows, very very blatantly, Adult Van's absolute fear towards her. So basically what I'm putting down is Teen Van is going to do something absolutely insane and that contributes to why Adult Van is so scared. And I cannot wait to see it. For every single survivor, they are the end of themselves. Their teen selves are really just the same trauma they've been running from ever since they got back. Teen Van is everything Adult Van fears. Teen Van let others die for her. Teen Van was so into the wilderness, and following Lottie blindly, and letting all of this unfold. And now we see Adult Van hating all of those things. She's against the wilderness. She doesn't really like Lottie. She refuses to let anyone die for her. Teen Van represents her biggest fears so of course, hallucinating her teen self being the one to kill her would be her undoing.
What was Van's reaction to the frog scientists? "We're going home." She is in fact the only person who has an immediate reaction to this. And throughout the episode we see that again and again. We see Van finding the frog, immediately going soft, and freeing him. "You're free now" says a LOT. All she has on her mind this episode is survival. All she has on her mind is going home- something we haven't seen before because she never let herself even think that they were getting out of there. Van shut herself down from that idea very early on. But there is hope here. She literally see's that phone and immediately becomes terrified and hopeful. We see her break for just a second.
Look at her face. This is the first time we've seen her break since Wilderness baby died. She's been sad since, sure. But even Wilderness baby's death didn't see her as terrified as she is here. In this moment Van is literally just a kid again. She wants to go home. She wants her mum. Her alcoholic, neglectful mother. That is insane to me. Because we've seen Van have the tough girl act for MONTHS. But here she just wants to go home. This is where we see her get a glimmer of hope and a look into what she's really thinking that I think reflects how Van ends up the way she is as an adult. (I actually planned to analyse adult + teen van separately but they tie in too well this ep so its one HUGE ramble).
After this, Van discovers the communicator is broken, and we can immediately see her slip back into that tough state. "But we don't need any of it. We just need to find these people. So we can go home." REALLY interesting here is that is a very simillar tone to how she tells Travis "I'm glad I'm alive!" (When she's talking to him about eating Javi) which is something I noticed IMMEDIATELY on my first watch. Sure its the way Liv acts, but also - Van speaks in the same rough tone we see her talk in every time something bad happens and she's being strong. She's realising maybe there isn't a way out. Or so we think-
Cut to Shauna and Nat finding Hannah. Tai and Van walk in. Shauna immediately suggests killing Hannah- and honestly, my first thought was "Van's probably gonna get behind that. Shauna's right, they'll come looking either way." and yet- she doesn't. She actually looks a little horrified at the suggestion. And this, my friends, is my very longwinded story to get to that point. This is why I think we're seeing Teen Van start to turn into adult Van. I think the fact that there was a glimpse of escape there snapped her back to reality. She realised the outside world DOES still exist and she CAN go back to living a normal life. Suddenly killing people isn't "emotions off, its survival." suddenly its "no, thats not okay." which aligns a lot more with Adult Van than it has with Teen Van.
Van's immediate horror to the concept of killing Hannah when there is a (definitely more risky) route that involves NOT killing her? Thats the start of Adult Van's mindset to me. Curious to see whether Teen Van stays this way, or if she gets so much worse for a while to justify even more why Adult Van is so scared of her. Teen Van is starting to show cracks of vulnerability we haven't seen since the start of the crash. All of which lead to how she ends up as an adult- alone, afraid, in denial. She really is her own biggest fear.
#yellowjackets#SORRY GUYS THIS WAS A LONG ONE#van palmer#kree and his yj shitposts#yellowjackets s3#taivan#van yellowjackets#vanalysis#liv hewson#lauren ambrose#kree's yj yapping
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Back at it again in the Krispy Kreme!
Same warnings as before for spoilers
Velimir - honestly? Beta, maybe if you push it he could be an alpha but this man's a whole beta, he's just so mellow honestly, I haven't spoken to him much in the mall honestly (I don't like Minerva) but I think he's the type of guy I'd like to hang around, he's also a really good dad! His entire vibe just gives me beta
Minerva - grade A omega bitch with a capital BBBB, I don't like her honestly! In the few interactions we've had she's just negged/bitched me or another character out, she just has that attitude of a high class omega who got shoved into the military life and had to make a place for herself and ended up acting like all the alphas around her, for better or worse..
Kaya - another beta or just unpresented, all my conversations with her are just kinda normal for a teenager (I kinda see myself in her honestly, acted just like her as a kid lol) and I just don't feel like she really fit into an alpha or omega role, she's there and she's proud of what she is, she doesn't need anyone bossing her around or treating her like a child and that's great that she can admit that, but she also kinda comes off as a petulant little kid sometimes so :/
Flare (+Lizzie) - alpha. Their just an alpha. They could be a beta aswell, but they give me more alpha vibes then anything else, they were the "leader" of their group(or pack in this case) and don't really like giving up control (something they fight Lizzie over), but their also really good at listening to people and realizing what they or others need, instead of hiding away when their bandmates died they stood up and fought against their killers in the only way they really could at the time, through song, and then they got Lizzie and could do a lot more, even though Lizzie scared them shitless and made them feel unsafe in their own skin, Lizzie on the other hand gives me omega honestly, their pushy their shovey, but they also want to keep Flare safe and make sure nothing can hurt them, their bonded in such a way that separating them would seriously injure both partys, and they know literally everything about flare (and in the future flare does learn everything about them) and they know how best to protect them, even if they show it in such a way that scares people away and makes flare look insane, the both of them are a two for one deal and I love them soo much
Again, just my thoughts, but if DE never makes Flare and Lizzie romancable I'm lighting myself on fire and streaming it on LiveLeak
Bro ngl I need to write this but I got ZERO motivation rn (getting burnt out from classes :( it sucks) ((some slight spoilers in here, skip if you haven't gotten to like, idk, rank 4~5))
But like, the hex with a/b/o dynamics, I'm going insane over it rn so
Arthur - TBHHHH he gives me alpha vibes but I know for a fact he's more beta, like he's obviously the leader but he's also sooo like, NORMAL, like he's just a dude, there's nothing really "macho man" about him and I love that so much, definitely a beta but with some skills on the alpha tree barrowed
Eleanor - alpha 100000% you cannot fight me on this, that lady is the real leader of the pack there's absolutely nothing to doubt about that sentence, she's just sooo UGH y'know??? She brings the stability to the pack and takes care of them in a lot of ways
Lettie - she's a beta, ngl I don't pay too much attention to her but just based on the conversations we've had she gives me beta, MAYBE just MAYBE some slight omega vibes with her ferality on healing and taking care of people
Amir - you might question me on this, but he's an alpha, DEFINITELY more of a baby alpha (if we look at how young he is compared to the others) and is definitely more subservient to the others in the pack, he's just a little guy but is so very protective over the people he loves
Aoi - she's an omega, the only omega honestly, but she's more of a beta omega then an omega omega, she's such a complex character once you really know her, she rounds out the cast so well with how she's so serious but also really funny to be around, she brings them together in ways I can't even begin to describe, she also helps amir with feeling like he belongs and I love that
Quincy - beta/omega honestly, DONT HATE ME FOR THIS TAKE PLEASE 😭😭😭 it's just the way I perceived his backstory and how he got into the hex, he went into the military to support his family like [subtle crying] I LOVE HIMMM 😭😭😭 he just wanted to take care of his family and ended up getting turned into a protoframe because of it, while yeahh that COULD make him seem like an alpha, he cares so much about the people around him despite feeling like he shouldn't (see; make me hate u conversation), he goes out of his way to give amir the ability to do things non-violently and to help other people even though before they had their whole "ur like a brother to me" moment, he flat out thought amir wasn't supposed to be with them because he could get hurt or get them hurt, he's just so fucking complex and [braincell explodes] I can't even put it into words
This is just how I see them, someone else might have a COMPLETELY different look at them, but GAAADDD DAAMMMMMMNNNM I need to write this out or like, draw it idk, I need opinions on this pleeeeeassseee tell me what you think I BEG!!!!!
#warframe 1999#warframe#arthur nightingale#eleanor nightingale#leticia garcia#amir beckett#aoi morohoshi#quincy isaacs#velimir volkov#minerva hendricks#kaya velasco#flare varleon#i feel so much calmer then the first post ong#i was ovulating like hell lol and went insane for a few days#techrot encore#warframe 1999 spoilers
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It's just you and me... Both going through a living hell. But we're going together and that's what matters.
I'm with you, and you're with me.
(I did the thing[?)
#Gir Says#/sObs#It's now 4 AM leave me alone----(??#NDNFKSKKAKAKDD#I'll be strong... For him---#He had it worse than me... But I still can see myself---#(I'm going insane)#OUAW#Torbek#and that's it I ain't tagging more shit----#This is NOT selfship btw-----#I do not ship myself with Torbek#It's different... I love him with my heart with my soul#It's literally insane and I'm even scared about it#But I definitely do not see it like “selfishp”... but maybe something worse---#(Or maybe I'm just projecting myself lmao)#/siiiiiigggghhhhs#by worse i just mean stupid by stupid i mean it makes no fucking sense what I'm saying#I just love him. I see myself on him...... God I can see myself on him#And I fucking HATE myself... But he brings me joy#Like... We're the same but we're not.#I should be sleeping someone please hit my head really hard right now#till I fell unconscious or till i drop dead-----#NobodyCares
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i love reading haikyuu tiktok shipping discourse comment sections. it's so entertaining seeing so many people with such bad taste.
#it's always the exact same shit every time too#“name a ship everyone ships but you hate” and it's always kurootsukki oikage atsuhina and tsukkikage#like with the amount of times i've seen those ships mentioned in that context i'm starting to believe that NO ONE ships them actually#how is atsuhina hate so common when 2AM mac n cheese literally exists#everyone's excuse is always 1 of 3 things: “i ship kagehina” “i ship sakuatsu” or “they're just friends”#guys... i hate to be the bearer or bad news.... but all three of these things can coexist#you can ship atsuhina AND sakuatsu AND kagehina... AND atsuhina can be besties#i mean i'm out here shipping tobio with half the fucking cast#these aren't real people. it's all about what makes you the happiest at that given moment#today i ship tsukikage. yesterday i shipped kagehina. tomorrow i will probably ship yamakage. WHO GIVES A FUCK#it boggles my mind that there are people out there who won't consider any other ship because they've already set their mind on one#HAIKYUU HAS AN INSANE LINEUP. YOU CAN'T SHIP JUST ONE#i saw someone who was scared to admit they shipped suna and atsumu......... guys#it's not that serious i promise#ALSO THE TERUYAMA HATE I SAW#“they haven't even met” BOOOOOORINGGGGG BOO BOO TOMATO TOMATO#fuck it. i'm gonna start shipping kiyoko with kanoka. kanokiyo. my new otp#kanokiyoyachi. my new fave ship. 100k mutual pining hurt/comfort slowburn coming soon to an ao3 page near you#we need to release ourselves from the chains of hatred and start getting crazier with this cast#haikyuu has too much shipping potential for y'all to be shipping the same 5 ships#lets get poly with it. shall we?#THE KAGEHINATSUKKIYAMA GRIND STARTS NOW💪#ASADAISUGA GANG WE RIDE AT DAWN🗣️#ATSUHINAKAGE AND/OR ATSUOIKAGE BRETHEREN WE DEPART AT HIGH NOON🔥#FUKUYAKUKUROKEN SHIPPERS OUR TIME IS NOW��#sigh.......... you guys get it#volleyball guys
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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#Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#Mmmmmhhh#I had to step away and do something very quick after watching the episode so now I'm afraid I forgot all of it lol#Okay thoughts:#I'm afraid I'll keep saying this every time. Do not. Give me. An amv opening. Don't do that. Postpone your airing date. I don't care#I feel like I wasn't as pissed with it when they did that for s3 but it's probably a case of the s3 opening at least looked somewhat–#better (??) + you can make a mistake once but don't think I will let it slip a second time#Other than that... To be fair this episode was animated fairly well. I think you can really notice a big quality drop after the–#Ranpo-realizing-who-Kamui-is sequence but overall it's more than okay.#The colours of the ship irk me a little but to be fair I never thought colours were b/sd anime strong point...#This episode was sooooooo political in so many ways I could literally talk about it for hours#(don't test me I'm not kidding. Talking about politics in anime for hours is something I've done in the past and will do in the future.)#(Then again I study/think/breathe politics pretty much 24/7 so is that really surprising... )#I need to write an essay on Fukuchi's speech alone. The public speech communication techniques [redacted Italian politics comment].#The way he's welcomed [redacted eu parliament comment]. Unfortunately I don't have time for it but breaking it down very quickly#1. Suggesting to unify defences worldwide is INSANE. No one would ever take it. Probably going to be cynical here but there's one (1) thing#states care about and it's the independence of their own sovereignty (that is: no one has the right to come and tell what must be done–#within one's borders). Eu has been trying to do exactly that (unify defences) for decades to no avail. Nato is on the brink of crumbling–#down. It's just... Such a distant perspective from how the world works right now? Idk.#Which brings me to 2. Even if it's deeply inconsistent with how world politics work the bsd un perspective is still very coherent with–#a latter thesis brought up in the manga that is “countriest tend to merge and come together” which is. Very anti-historical if you ask me–#but idk. Beautiful to imagine I suppose.#What else uhm... I liked the drawings this episode... Even Atsushi was back being pretty at some points... (Generally not really a fan of–#what the style in the later seasons came to be). Also 55 Minutes reference ‼‼‼#I like Fukuchi's character so much......... I love idealist characters... And the inherent loneliness... The longing... The yearning!!!!!!#I love him so. Oh and I LOVED Akutagawa. I thought his entrance wouldn't have impacted me after all this time (and after knowing–#what episode 3 will be lol). And yet it was such an emotional moment!!!! What do you mean Atsushi is scared to be alone and Akutagawa is–#coming for him!!!!!! I'm crying all my tears. And Akutagawa was so cool in the end!!! By heart was beating so fast!!!!!#It's the etheral blurred light...#The way he still manages to come off so cool despite being inherently pathetic is nothing short to miraculous
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dad just sent me an ominous text to intimidate me ig
#im so tired im so tired im so tired im so tired#i really dont want to be going through this right now#can we get on with the end of the world or literally anything it would be real nice hehe#im so tired#so much scary horrible things are happening rn#and it's obviously my fucking PARENTS#i can't keep going i dont want to it's so hard#i don't even know anything anymore idk who's in the right idk who's lying about what#uhhhh whatever whatever i need to sleep#but idk if I'll be able to ugh#dads just trying to ruin mom financially even though he's got enough money already and she can't fucking work#and i get the fucking. first row seat#and now he hates me too ig idk#why would he fucking send me that text of he didn't want to let me know hes furious with me or to#scare me idk fuck this#and I'm watching another horrible divorce with a close family member a#AND another fucking insane thing has been happening that's a huge problem ahaaaa im losing#my fucking mind here#and there's literally nothing i can do here like i can sit and take it#or die ig
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can't sleep (despite new meds + melatonin, boo), so I'm thinking about random shit. like: it's insane to me that I'm totally fine living on the ground floor now. it used to really freak me out. I hated being downstairs when we lived in a house. I always felt watched when I had my room on the ground floor. and every time I visited my dad at his ground floor apartment - where I was on my own except for maybe an hour a day - I had what I now know were panic attacks several times a day. so like, that's pretty crazy.
#not once have I thought that I'm about to be murdered since we moved in#and I used to think that everywhere. it was just MUCH worse on the ground floor#idk im just insane maybe#but it's nice that the (other) meds seem to be doing a good job#it feels so crazy now when those kinds of thoughts come back at night. like HOW did I live like this for 30 years?? how did I not kill#myself (too scared lol that's literally the only reason)#anyway hi it seems like I only come here to talk about the dumb shit my brain does at this point#sorry! I mean it doesn't matter I guess bc who would even notice#idk I tried to be online less soooo now I'm back on reddit instead and it is not good for me and I know it#might be spiralling about general life stuff too which is always fun#I'm just so bad at being a productive member of society#literally we went to the city for a couple of hours yesterday and I was so fucking exhausted that I had to sleep for like 5 hours#ughh...#man I really need to fall asleep soon.#personal
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I need to stop watching new media when I'm vulnerable ( new main f/o just dropped and I'm so fucking fixated on him I can physically feel it. )
#x. talk#🐲💕#< new tag for him <333#genuinely the fixation is so bad i'm hesitant to even drop his name because im so insanely possessive over him now it scares me#even though i'm like. 99.9% sure i'm the only person on here that ships with him. i don't like taking chances#but fuck i am locked in on him like i'm stalking prey or some shit. i was fucking trembling while watching the movie every time he was on#my brain is so frazzled i feel entirely consumed by him atm :')#i'm very hesitant too since im still literally in the middle of rebranding. he's absolutely a main of mine if not an ultimate but i'd have-#-to rework the carrd im working on that's about 50% done so it'd be a hassle but#fuck i love love love love love this man it makes me burn up on the inside which is a sign i'm in it deep </3
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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I feel like growing up with parents that are rabid conspiracy theorists about anything and everything affects you like. way way way deeper than most people do (or maybe want to?) acknowledge. and I just wish it was talked about more honestly
#.bin#ventish#(<-not too bad just tagging for blocking purposes)#like. this is embarassing to say but my parents were and still are severely anti vax. so at some point I need to go get#proper rounds of vaccines#bc obv I was not fucking allowed to#preferrably uh. fucking soon if I can work out how to do it without them knowing#(and if I can't I guess. I'll have to figure out some health insurance stuff bc I could literally be in danger if they did know.)#(which is a whole can of worms on its own.)#and EVEN THOUGH I fully 100% know that everything they fed me was bullshit#I still have so much deep fear around it bc it was drilled into my head so fucking hard growing up#x will kill you. y will make you sick. z will probably damn you to hell forever but maybe not who knows better to be scared and 'safe.' etc#and it's so hard to even explain it to ppl because they go 'oh so you still believe that stuff' and no!! no I do not!!#Ive just been trained since birth to be afraid of anything n everything!! I've been fed lies for my entire life!! thats hard to shake off!!#I WANT to do good things for myself but my stomach drops on instinct just thinking about it#and I am so so so tired of having to be brave about things I never should have had to be brave about. that's all ig. I'm tired.#like either ppl think you have also inherited their insanity OR they just look at it like 'oh haha funny quirky kooky'#no it's kind of torn my psyche to shreds in ways I'm still uncovering. but w/e go ahead and laugh <3
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looking through on sale nonfiction books on the barnes and noble website is fucking wild sometimes. there's popular nonfiction history next to movie cookbooks next to celebrity memoirs next to vitrolic conservative putdowns of joe biden next to reflections on the current state of democracy next to religious manifestos next to the most insane thinly veiled prejudiced frothing conservative mishmash you've ever seen in your life
#books i saw while casually browsing titles in their 50 percent off sale include:#'lies my liberal teacher told me' - i clicked on that one in horrified fascination and it's literally just a diatribe against#the idea that native americans were not violent the vietnam war was unnecessary and unpopular the red scare was useless#all of which... are true. and this dude is apparently a college professor. insane.#anyway i also saw a book about christianity being the best titled 'i may be wrong but i'm probably not' or s/t like that and it was so#smarmy and smug i immediately hated it with all my soul. bad fucking title.#another book about how joe biden and his son have irrevocably ruined democracy for everyone. who even writes those.#another one about how trump's win will do great things for america. who even writes those!!!!!!!!!!#so many celebrity memoirs. so many weird pop culture cookbooks.#i mean these are all on sale books. so whatever. but it's wild to see nuanced well researched nonfiction#next to the most reactionary pulled out of their biased ass nonsense. and im anti-censorship and i WANT everyone to be on the shelves#but jesus christ. the trials i bear.#liveblogging life#i got a b&n giftcard for christmas that's why im browsing lol
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Actually writing something based off of this post. Y'all really seemed to like it and I got scared LOLOL
(How it will probably go (written poorly written cause it's almost 7AM and I haven't slept yet) . Also I have no idea what I'm doing. This will be rewritten better in a fic maybe.)
Jason sighed as he made his way into Gotham University's gym. It was the middle of the day and Jason was there at a Startup Event posing as a guy who was interested in what people had to offer. He had only had maybe a total of four hours of sleep since he had patrol the night before. Granted, this wouldn't have affected him as much if he was more mentally prepared to be awake. The only reason why he's out here was because Bruce had woken him up an hour ago to tell him a little last minute about what he needed to do today. Originally, the plan was to do absolutely nothing. But now he has to investigate a guy that Bruce had his eye on as of lately.
The person he's looking for is a man named Danny Nightingale. Apparently he's been in Gotham for a couple years and only recently started making a mess of things. How it went under Bruce's nose is beyond him considering how freaked out Bruce was once he did find out.
Apparently, the guy has been making life changing machines. Little mechanical bees have been flying around Gotham really just sucking up all the pollution in the air and just depositing it somewhere. According to the media, they go back to some headquarters and into a bee hive looking structure to deposit all the pollution and sludge. From the photos shown, it's actually pretty impressive. Some guy actually making a change around here.
For Bruce- no. For Batman, this is just highly suspicious. Why would some guy make these positive life changing machines? For the better? No. No genius with the power to change the world would do it for the better. There's got to be some ulterior motive behind it.
At least, that's what Batman thinks.
Jason thinks it's all interesting. Maybe there is an ulterior motive but even then, at a scale so large that it's literally affecting the city in a positive way? You've got to be literally more insane than the Joker if you wanted to plaster your face everywhere at an event like this. Everyone else at this event seemed to show promise but compared to Danny Nightingale's company? They're literally all small fry.
Surprisingly enough, however, no one else seems to be at Danny's booth. Not even Danny. Jason frowned as he approached the booth and just looked at the machines on them. The Bees are kind of just flying in place and the moment that Jason even looked at them, the Bees immediately got to work. They flew around him like a puppy with wings, nuzzling against him and bumping into him so dumbly. And honestly?
It was actually kind of cute. You would think that being on such little hours of sleep and being grumpy the whole morning would really affect the pits inside him but no. He's surprisingly calm.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! They don't usually act like this," a voice stuttered out. A man hastily walked towards Jason as he gently plucked the Bees out of the air and brought it close to him.
"Uh, don't worry about it. I thought it was kind of..." Jason trailed out before locking eyes with the man who spoke.
This was Danny Nightingale. He was much shorter than Jason, only standing tall at 5' 5". His hair was fully black with only a white money piece right on his bangs. And his eyes? An alluring blue with only a hint of green at the center of his eyes. Honestly, the sight of Danny just about took Jason's breath away.
There was a subtle glow to him, almost making Jason think of there being some sort of meta activity going on but looking around the people in the area, no one but him seems to notice. Danny was concerned about Jason, that much is obvious. The way his eyes burrowed in concern then into confusion. It's strange why just looking at him made Jason's heart skip a beat, even though in hindsight, Danny looks much worse off than Jason.
That man looks like he hasn't slept in 3 weeks. But even then he was...
"Cute..." Jason finally finished his sentence a little too late.
Danny blinked in confusion, tilting his head to the side. His bangs fall freely over his eyes. Just the sight of that almost made Jason blush. "My bees were cute?" Danny spoke, the tone of his voice (very tired) sounded like a sweet harmony in Jason's ears. "Oh! You're interested in Nightech? No one else seems to be interested in my stuff yet. I can tell you all about this company and how it works? I put in a lot of work and love into these little guys and I'm sure you would love them too!"
Blah blah blah. Proper name. Place name. Backstory stuff.
Nothing of what Danny is saying is registering in Jason's brain right now. Maybe some. ("I... Love... You...")
"I love you too!!" Jason blurted out.
Danny blinked before widening his eyes. "Wh-What...?" There was that look of concern again but now there's another look. Recognition...
Whatever. None of that right now. This is embarrassing!
"I-I said I love your company. Uh. Do you have a business card? I can let Bruce Wayne know about this."
Wordlessly, Danny gave an information card to Jason before that poor brick of a man just ran out of there, not once even looking back. Honestly, from the way it's playing out in Jason's head right now, he feels like a princess running away from her prince at the stroke of midnight. The earpiece crackled before a voice started to speak.
"Jason? What the hell was that?" Bruce's voice questioned.
It was only when Jason left the gymnasium that he answered, "Me digging my own grave for the second time, old man. Let me go die in peace."
"No, no," Dick's voice chimed in, "Only after we replay that very short conversation about 50,000 times. Thank you very much."
Jason only groaned in response.
Danny, back in the gymnasium, only stared at the door that Jason left from in horror. The only way for people to react that way to him like that is for them to be dead or liminal. Now he has to figure out a way to tell Bruce Wayne that this person that he seems to know is a little bit dead!
This actually is a part of whatever the fuck I'm writing. I'm still thinking of a fic name. But all of the random posts go together in some way.
#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc idea#danny phantom#dcu#batman#batfam#dead on main#dead on main ship#im honestly just trying my best#this is part of a fic im writing#in hindsight this ship might be problematic#gotta figure out a way for it not to be problematic#but its still a work in progress#it will be rewritten better#aeri posts#aeri writes
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How To Sleep
It's way too early for you to be awake. Five in the morning on your day off... you have to stop doing this to yourself. You know it, but you can't stop, because your body thinks it's funny. It wakes up all on its own and does not allow you to go back to sleep as easily.
The good thing is that never feel alone, as the only one awake, because Toji's presence is immense around you. He's always touching some part of you, keeping you tethered to him in any way he can. This time, he's literally weighing you down with his body. He feels comfortably heavy, like a paperweight holding down the first page of an unfinished love letter. His heated cheek rests on your chest, and you know that if he were awake, he'd say something about the numbness he feels in his arms from you lying on them all night, just as you would tell him about the recurring static you feel in your feet because your legs fell asleep.
You can hear Toji's soft breathing, followed by a funny, almost snore-like sound. You know that if you focus too hard on it, you'll laugh and shake him awake, so you go back to looking straight ahead and thinking about why your body must betray you this way. His hair tickles your skin whenever he stirs in his sleep. It lures you into carefully playing with the soft, dark locks, while you continue to wonder why it's always five in the morning. Neither you, nor Toji have to be up at five in the morning on a daily basis, so, maybe you're just going insane.
"Hm?" A low hum that comes from the man lying on your chest. You deem it a sound of sleep and ignore it, silence returning to the room, until he speaks up. His voice is low and deep enough to make your heart skip a beat. "What's that sigh about, ma? Am I too heavy?"
"No, you're okay. Go back to sleep, baby," you respond, caressing the back of his head and wrapping your other arm around him.
Toji believes you, this time, because you wouldn't do this if you were in pain or uncomfortable. He keeps this in mind and goes back to sleep with ease due to the soothing motions he receives from you—the way you run your fingers through his hair and gently scratch his head, as well as the calming strokes to his back. He's fast asleep in seconds, while you stay awake, wishing you could do the same.
Your hands still on him once his soft snoring returns, luring a smile onto your face. You look out the window, seeing nothing but a sliver of moonlight illuminating the edge of the curtains. You're not scared of the dark, but knowing that Toji is there with you makes lying awake in the almost void-like atmosphere a lot better. You trust that if there is such a thing as monsters under the bed or creepy entities hiding in the closet, they can't get you. They won't get you because of him. He's safety, even in a dormant state, and you don't feel an ounce of fear as you stick to blinking the restless minutes away.
You've been awake for over half an hour, now, just letting time go by and continuing on as Toji's body pillow. Even through the stillness, you had your moments of entertainment. He drooled on your chest and there was the occasional quiet and nonsensical sleep talking—both things that lured hushed breaths of laughs from you. It's endearing to see your hulking man in such a peaceful state. It makes you want to squeeze him with all the strength you have in your body. You know it does nothing to him, but you also know that he likes the feeling of you trying to crush him, the way he crushes you.
Again, you mistake his words for more sleepy mumbling, disregarding them until he makes it more clear that he's talking to you.
"You good, ma?" He rasps, pulling his arms out from under your back.
"Mhm. You okay?" You ask, running your thumb over the corner of his lips to wipe the drool off.
"All good. Hey, let's switch, yeah?" He suggests, peeling himself off of you.
"I'm okay, baby. You can go back to sleep," you assure. "You were keeping me warm," you add, with a soft grin.
"And slobbering on you like a damn dog," he grumbles. He lifts the chest part of your camisole and uses it to wipe up the small patch of saliva that makes your skin glisten. "Come on, let's switch," he insists, already scooting over so that you can get up. With a soft, defeated sigh, you sit up and crawl towards the middle of the bed, allowing Toji to slide into the warm spot you left.
"Come here, mama," he calls, moving the blanket so that you can climb on top of him and he can cover both of you up, after. You're careful as you make your way back, feeling around to make sure that you don't plant your hand into his stomach or his ribs. Once you're laid flat on top of him, with your arms around him and your head resting on his chest, he brings the blanket up until it reaches the center of your back and his arms cover what is left exposed.
"Better, isn't it?" He murmurs, once you stop adjusting and get fully comfortable.
"Different," you respond. "Comfy, but I also like when you turn into my weighted blanket. You're always warm."
"Well, you need to be nice and take turns with me, because as much as I like weighing you down, I also like being able to hold you." His hand cups the nape of your neck, the other one rests on the exposed skin of your back, between your shoulder blades. "You're basically a teddy bear, ma."
You smile at the loving thought, and decide to let him win, this time, because after almost an hour of just being awake, doing nothing but appreciating his company, your eyelids are starting to grow heavy. It's like he put some sort of spell on you. You feel the tiredness seeping into your body, anew, with no difficulty at all. You know that after a few minutes of him stroking your back, he'll be asleep just as quickly as he was when he was lying on you and you will catch up to him in no time, because those slow, gentle motions, are fueling your sleepiness like he's manually rubbing in some sort of remedy that will knock you out.
You don't know when you fell asleep or when Toji stopped rubbing your back or when he fell asleep, again. All you know is that at some point in the continuation of your sleep, he handled you like the teddy bear he said you are. He flipped you both onto your sides and pulled you into his chest.
"Hm?" A dazed, barely conscious hum from you, when you're being adjusted so that your face is pressed against his neck.
"Shh, go back to sleep."
#toji#toji fushiguro#fushiguro toji#jjk toji#jujutsu toji#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x y/n#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro x reader#fushiguro toji x reader#toji fluff#jjk#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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do y'all not even realize jinx altered caitlyn's entire arc by kidnapping her and that bcuz of it caitlyn had a good enough reason to hate jinx before jinx even bombed the council and killed her mother in the process??
yes, jinx kidnapped her but it was heavily implied jinx kidnapped her from her fucking bathroom. i'm sorry but how fucking terrifying is that? the one place where you're at your most vulnerable, literally naked. then, jinx must've forcibly dressed caitlyn up in her enforcer uniform (you can argue she just politely waited in a corner for caitlyn to finish showering and get dressed but it was late evening and caitlyn had nowhere to go and no reason to put her uniform on after a shower, and even if you claim jinx allowed her to get dressed herself - why the fuck would caitlyn choose her uniform, considering who was kidnapping her), then jinx took her to the undercity and held her hostage there by herself for an entire day before she got silco and vi to join the tea party.
during this time, of course caitlyn would've tried to escape, like did we all see her with that broken wine glass? she was just waiting for a chance. but the fact that she couldn't escape likely means jinx was there with her the entire time (aside from when she was gone for silco and for vi). and what do you think happened between them so that caitlyn wouldn't try to escape during the time jinx was gone? what do you think jinx had done to make caitlyn flinch when she approached her?
we may never know but i'll give you a hint. when jinx tells vi she made her girlfriend a snack, she pulls off the cloche to reveal... a single cupcake.
how would jinx know about that unless she'd forced caitlyn to tell her? vi gave jinx her name. that's what she was, a jinx. of course jinx would've wanted to know what name she'd given caitlyn. but you're so sweet, like a cupcake. of course caitlyn wouldn't have wanted to tell jinx that, not only bcuz of its implication for her relationship with vi but for the fact that it would only make jinx angrier, more insane and more destructive - her only reason to kidnap caitlyn and want her dead in the first place was the fact she thought vi had replaced her with caitlyn. so she somehow got caitlyn to tell her. eventually. if i had to guess how, i'd say jinx waterboarded her - since caitlyn's hair was wet when jinx pulled her chair in, and there's no way it wouldn't have dried since her shower (24hr ago), even though it's also possible caitlyn was so scared and nervous that it was sweat.
and unless i'm mistaken, vi doesn't call caitlyn cupcake again up until after caitlyn tackles her on the border of the noxian camp. so perhaps vi connected the dots after seeing the cupcake and this became yet another thing she felt guilty for her sister doing to caitlyn, or perhaps there just hadn't been an appropriate moment to be flirty again after caitlyn's literal mother died. but vi hasn't called caitlyn cupcake again since. and, metaphorically and only half-jokingly, caitlyn stopped being sweet. the caitlyn we knew from season one was gone. and i hate to say it, because i strongly advocate that vi calling caitlyn cupcake is not what made her decide to betray ambessa, but it had a grounding power over her and i wonder if it would've made a difference in caitlyn's choices if vi had done it sooner. if she'd been reminded sooner of who she was, and what vi meant to her.
#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane speculation#arcane season 2#arcane 2#arcane s2#arcane season two#arcane silco#arcane vi#arcane powder#arcane caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#vi#jinx#silco#ambessa medarda#arcane ambessa#arcane caitvi#caitlyn x vi#vi and caitlyn#caitvi#caitlyn arcane#vi arcane#jinx arcane#arcane
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soo helloo and i think it's time for me to explain the deal with my characters and this whole "you're not supposed to be here" thing. EDIT: just fixed some stuff. thank you folks for your support, i really appreciate you all <3
i made these characters way back in june and by today they have a lot of lore around them in my head. i even have a dream to make a game with them but it's just a dream for now so i'm gonna try to explain the main things about this story. Obviously this is a long post, although I tried to keep this stuff short. and excuse me for my writing and any mistakes, I don't usually write this much text.
It starts with the world. Alternate 15th century, humanity is almost gone and what's left of it shares quite a big city with demons and angels. However, demons and angels are usually being treated like servants - eventually one gets tired of it all, so everyone knows an uprising is just around the corner. Let's just ignore that for now.
The City has a catch of it's own - it's alive. The walls have eyes and ears and the City knows every resident by heart and soul, both figuratively and literally. Usually City acts through the King, it chooses protectors for itself, ones who have strong minds to comprehend it - they will be called the royal knights, each of them have a company of a /more wiser than the rest of them/ demon and angel to help with their tasks. Only the King and ten royal knights know that the City is alive and very talkative but they don't understand fully what it's trying to tell them. Most of them choose to ignore the voices in their head because hey, that's what you do usually in this situation, otherwise they drive you nuts.
City is also extremely emotional and appearance depends on its condition. Usually it's a sunny day out and the city looks welcoming, but you don't want to be there when the City is scared: it might eat you alive by accident. Now that the environment is aside, time for the main three characters.
Imri is a young lad who will soon be a royal knight. He actually wanted to be a painter when he grows up but well, you cannot disobey the king's orders. Quite emotionless and a man of a few words, he tries to stay on a neutral ground between good and bad - a perfect candidate for manipulation to all three sides, demons, angels and the City.
look at him
Royal knights get to know their angel and demon companions at least a week before they get knighted to avoid any misunderstandings. Imri doesn't mind his friends at all, although one of them caused quite a fuss.
Angel /they name themselves Lyra/ is an overly positive, naive and blindly kind entity. A bit childish and very fond of justice, they try to act as a voice of conscience, not understanding that sometimes this can make everything even worse than it was. There is a feeling that they're trickier than it seems but you can never quite tell.
the latin text all over them is just a part of their design
The demon though... That's not even a demon, that's the Devil himself. Yes, everyone knows who this is, everyone avoids him and he's not supposed to be here at all. Despite being THE Devil, he didn't try to do anything horrific yet and, when he's not joking around, he tries to be the voice of reason, the voice that no one listens to. He seems to know a lot more about this whole world than anyone else but he talks about it only when he wants to.
no one likes him at all, expect maybe Imri who just tolerates his presence like he always does
That's the main three. There is a few secondary characters, Imri's father being one of them.
sir Jastrab /or just Dell/ is one of the royal knights, he's a bit naive, loyal, and a soul so kind that his demon hung himself. Oh well. He lost one hand in what he calls "a work accident" which is partly true but he never goes into details.
He never wanted for his son to be a part of the knights because he knows by experience that it's not an easy job and not every father wants for their child to go insane from the voices in their head.
few people said that the angel accompanying him looks like d20 and so be it
The others are Sun and Moon - local deities, despite being on the sky every day and night, usually they don't really care about what's going on down below. You can still talk to them but don't expect much action. Regardless of all this, they are still loved by almost all living things. They can rarely meet each other but humans always depict them together no matter what. Although maybe humans are right...
creators of the Stars - some part of a human soul that i can't talk about :)
Angels and demons come in all forms and sizes but those are the main population - lesser demons resemble the Devil in some ways and lesser angels look like clovers. Rivals usually but when the revolution happens, they learn to tolerate and work with each other. Humanity doesn't really have a chance.
they hate everyone equally And there is another being, that Imri meets a few times through the story - it's Death. Death is just having fun in this end of the world and there is a lot of work to be done.
this is an old and rough design so maybe it'll change The whole story begins at that day when Imri is supposed to be knighted. Everything seemed fine until Imri gets to hear the City for the first time and realizes that he hears and sees a lot more than everyone else. Completely overwhelmed he blacks out - even the toughest of minds often can't take it - and wakes up later only to find out that the King got killed somehow, angels and demons saw this as the starting point for a revolution and the City starts to panic.
Now Imri, guided by his companions and the voice of scared City that's crumbling and slowly drives him insane, shall travel to the center of it to find out what really happened, getting through demons and angels who are busy destroying the rest of humanity. Fun.
There is a lot more to this whole thing but I cannot tell the entire plot because spoilers, in case if i actually will make something out of this story. Think of it as a game lore. I'm not sure about making sth yet because i operate only on hopes and dreams and i barely have any strength lately but who knows... But now you have at least some context! And yeah, thank you if you actually read all of this, you're a hero.
Now i need to get back to drawing. Thank you all for your support. <3
#art#oc#yourenotsupposedtobehere#ynstbh#i keep repeating to myself that i'm cringe but i'm free - it's so hard to share a story from your head without feeling cringe lol#but i'm also kinda proud that i made it this far and haven't burned out yet#before i thought that i couldn't make anything original with this empty head of mine#i'm gonna keep this as a pinned post for a while
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