#It's kind of nice to have a release
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#Holy cow#I found my first forgotten attempt at fanfiction the other day#AND I WROTE IT IN FIRST PERSON#I'm gagging over whatever on earth this abomination is#(It's not MBS in case anyone's wondering)#I just kind of forgot I had this hidden somewhere#But it's kind of nice to see how much I've improved in the last couple of years#SUCH AS REALISING THAT FIRST PERSON IS A GARBAGE WAY TO WRITE#Not that I think anyone who does that is bad#I just don't like it for my own writing#But man was that weird#I see now why you guys do these nothing posts with rambles in the tags#It's kind of nice to have a release#I need to write more about Sticky#I want to#But it's on the list with my Cannonball fic and Wolf 359 ideas and also that Enlil fic I'm supposed to be working on right now#Yeesh Sophie chill out#Okay.#I'm going to take a deep breath now#Sorry to anyone who read this#Love you#I hope you're having a good day#rambles
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I feel in a very generous mood, and after I talked about how much Lenore fails as a character, I wanted to for once praise the few times when she was pretty well written for who she was meant to be, a professional abuser, liar and manipulator with excellent strategies to make Hector lower his guard. All of these scenes happen in S3E6, for some reason: before and after, she's actually rather sloppy and in your face, and only succeeds because Hector was lobotomized by the writer lol. But this episde is what I mean when I say she had potential.
First, the part where Lenore "offers" the leash:
Lenore: Now then, would you like to go for a walk? Bit of fresh air in the starlight? Hector: I think I would, yes. Lenore: Good. Sadly, there's a condition. *shows leash* Hector: Oh. Lenore: Not my idea. Striga insisted. It should be quite comfortable. She just wanted a little extra security. Hector: You're ten times stronger than I am, Lenore. Lenore: Striga pointed out that you're a magician. And you do want to go for a walk, so… would you mind?
So.
Lenore kickstarts the episode with some fresh humiliation, because she has no time to waste. She jokes that Hector is now walking "on his hind legs" and looks "almost human", jokes again that she dressed up Hector so that his dick won't be stolen by birds, and asks him to smile in the face of his embarrassment like a creepy old man harassing a woman on the street.
This is the prelude to her downright falling into sexual abuse, which is this entire part.
The request is obviously unfair. Hector has been cooped up in his stagnant cell for what could be weeks, so it's only natural that he would enjoy some fresh air. But in order to get that basic comfort, Hector has to accept being treated like a literal dog for no good reason. And his braincell does activate for a moment, as he points out that yes, there is no good reason to force a leash on him, because Lenore sure showed him how strong and fast she is:
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There is no way Hector would even attempt to run away, not when he has no tools at his disposal, he's starved and weakened, the castle is full of other vampires, and Lenore could snap his ankles in a second Annie Wilkes style.
But Lenore is undeterred. First, she says that it was Striga's idea. It's still ambiguous if she was sincere or not: Striga couldn't give less of a fuck about Hector and shows no reaction when, later in the episode, she sees the two on the balcony. That being said, the fact that she is the one complaining, in E8, that Lenore is taking Hector "on fucking walkies" implies that yes, Lenore lied and mentioned the queen who was less likely to bother Hector. As a bonus, she doesn't blame Carmilla, despite her being the first one who put Hector on a leash as he himself points out later on, therefore creating a precedent, because Hector already has beef with Carmilla, and Lenore is aiming to make him get over his resentment. Hence, the name of a vampire he does not care about. (although, logically, Morana would have been better because Striga will have to work closer to Hector once he becomes their Forgemaster, but eh, I guess even Lenore forgot about her lol)
But whoever had the idea doesn't matter, actually. What matters is that Lenore is shifting the blame on someone else. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I wouldn't do this to you, but I'm a poor little girl and I had no choice 🥺 blame her, not me, I'm just the cute princess obeying superior orders 🥺". And since Hector doesn't know Striga at all, and she has no intention of talking to him, he can believe that. She also subtly blames Hector, because well, he wanted to go on a walk, and she's just giving him what he wanted! He should be grateful, really!
Naturally, this excuse falls flat on its face because even if Striga was the one who suggested the leash for "extra security", it's Lenore who decided to make a sexual game out of it. She is the one who has expressed multiple times her attraction to Hector, first by kissing him after beating him to a pulp, and then by playing some more "genuine" compliments during the interrogation - as genuine as they can be after she spent the entire interrogation making him realize how much of a dumbass he was. She didn't need to do any of this. She's having fun for her own amusement, lording her power over Hector.
(mhh, Lenore using sexual abuse for no reason? It's almost like it's a pattern :) it's almost like being a rapist is in her character :) )
But she's not done! Because at Hector's "You're ten times stronger than I am", Lenore retorts (again blaming Striga, because she has to look blameless) that he's a magician. This is a profoundly stupid excuse because Hector is not a magician, he's a Devil Forgemaster who can't do shit without a forging tool: if he were a "magician" like, say, Sypha or the one who brainwashed an entire village, Lenore would already be a pile of ashes. But again, logic doesn't matter: what matters is that Hector is painted like the real threat to Lenore, the one who has the power to hurt her and not the other way around. See, she's just trying to protect herself from the mean Forgemaster, poor thing! This comes into play later.
Now, were Hector a stubborn person who valued his own dignity, this would be the moment where he'd show Lenore the middle finger and resign himself to staying in the stagnant cell. But Hector is not stubborn. Hector doesn't care about his own dignity and honor: he wants to feel safe and cared for. Plus, Lenore has already beaten him at the first sign of defiance: how does he know that she wouldn't punish him again if he refused her proposal? Even just by taking away the few "gifts" she had given him. So, powerless and too weakened to put up a mental fight, he caves in, because he's willing to give away his humanity for a few minutes of comfort and pretending Lenore is taking care of him.
Before I move on, I need to point out the half-clever, half-frustrating ironic echo the "magician" line gets in S4E6 that almost redeems it:
This is what in a vacuum I would call a big dick move lol. How delightfully sassy it is for Hector, after getting his heart broken and biding his time by coddling his abuser's feelings, to throw Lenore's excuses back in her face to put her in a position of helplessness! Oh, he can't be trusted because of his powers, and that was the reason he was treated like a dog and had a slave ring brute forced onto his hand when he would have willingly agreed to becoming Lenore's pet? Well, then Lenore was a giant idiot for trusting him after raping him into slavery and believing he would be harmless and happy with her, right? :)
(it would have been better if they used the exact word again, but whatever, nitpick)
Sadly I can't be fully happy with this scene because, despite his satisfied smirk shown here, Hector isn't really getting back at Lenore for the disgusting way she treated him, but he's instead trying his best to protect her with no malice in his heart, as shown when Isaac arrives and as shown by how he apologizes before trapping her. The parallel between Lenore "protecting" Hector by ruining his life because of her selfishness and Hector returning the favor is obvious, but it's as unsatisfying as possible, because by now the story wants us to feel sorry for Lenore, and Hector's gesture is meant to be tragic, not the rightful comeuppance. Also, due to how wishy-washy the worldbuilding is, I really can't tell if Hector deliberately used the wrong word as a reference to make Lenore really feel bad for her past actions (unlikely, given how he forgave her of everything, but a girl can dream), or if he's seriously calling himself a wizard, which even in the context of the show is very wrong and would be yet another way the animated franchise has watered down the concept of Devil Forging.
That being said, I can ignore the rest of the episode and pretend Hector was being snarky against his abuser 💖 I don't care if it's OOC and it's not like Hector to be this spiteful 💖 go king 💖
After this digression, back to S3E6, before Lenore became a woobie love interest and was still a vile manipulator.
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I talked about this scene here, and mostly said that it was wasted potential for Lenore's final act in S4 for multiple reasons. But, for the purpose of this post, it is another nice attempt at manipulation, even if it's a basic "look how nice this place is! You'll enjoy it every night if you'll work for us!". Symbolically, it could be seen as Lenore dragging Hector away from humanity and towards the world of vampires... which would be poignant if Hector didn't start already as someone who turned his back against mankind in favor of vampires and hasn't budged from his beliefs. But eh, I get the idea, and it can be seen as foreshadowing to Lenore allowing Hector free roam of the castle once he becomes her pet. It sure is a nice gilded cage, isn't it?
Then, we have the scene on the balcony:
Lenore: Does it hurt? Hector: No. It just reminds me of the last time someone put a collar on me. Lenore: In Braila? Hector: When Carmilla almost killed me. Lenore: Well, she does have a temper. But she would never have meant to kill you. Hector: No. Because she needs me to be her forgemaster slave. Lenore: No, because if she'd meant to kill you, you would quite simply be dead. Hector: Hmph. Lenore: And if she'd meant to torture you, you would have arrived here carrying your guts in both hands with a spike up your arse. Hector: I suppose that's true. I mean, I can see her doing it. In nightmares and such. Lenore: She does have a temper, but she's logical. She never lets it run away with her to the point of, oh, I don't know, condemning the entire human race to death? Just a recent example of what being genuinely insane with murderous rage looks like. Hector: All right. Lenore: You may not have been treated like a boy king on your way here, but you did show up alive. Hector: Might have been nice, though. Lenore: Have you considered that you're only alive because you listened to Carmilla back in Dracula's castle? Hector: I hadn't. She tricked me. Lenore: I don't think she did. I think she made complete sense to you, and you felt guilty, understandably, about how it all played out. Hector: She made me betray Dracula. Lenore: No, she didn't. She showed you the old man was insane, and she saved you from the consequences. Nobody here wants to harm you. We just don't quite trust you yet. Hector: Trust me? Lenore: You did try to hurt me, Hector.
I still don't know why I can't find a clip of this part. With how crucial it is to their development (and you know, shippers would get a kick out of seeing the peggable boy leashed by the dommy mommy having a cute bonding moment), you'd think there'd be plenty of videos.
Nevertheless, this is the only time Lenore disgusted me in an intentional way, which I appreciate. His character development on stall, Hector has no moral qualms about working for vampires who want to turn humans into livestock, but he is still angry at Carmilla for tricking, beating and imprisoning him, understandably so. She is the only reason Hector still hasn't accepted Lenore's proposal: he doesn't want to work for her out of spite. So what does Lenore do with her amazing diplomacy skills? Launch herself into some pristine abuse apologism, the likes of which are only paralleled by Lenore stans themselves, using every excuse in the book to downplay Carmilla's brutal, sadistic beatdown of Hector, because oh, she just has a temper! Oh, it was just a one time thing! Oh, she saved your life nonetheless, even if you were treated less than royally! Oh, but Dracula was even more insane, so you can't be mad at Carmilla, she was just trying to help!
She's hitting every point possible to make Hector give up his grudge, because who cares about how he was treated, he's alive now, right? He should be grateful that he was "rescued" from Dracula's insanity, shouldn't he? Which is very similar to Lenore's overall attitude, like when she lowkey implied that she was the only one in the castle willing to treat Hector nicely after brutally beating him into submission :)
And as the cherry on top, she is blaming him for that, too! Hector tried to hurt her, the meanie, so really, no wonder he's being treated like a dog! No one wants to hurt him, she swears, it's just that these four super strong vampires are scared of this human prisoner! And if Lenore beat him to a pulp the other day (not that she is directly mentioning it, of course, the accent is on how he tried to hurt her), well, it's all his fault, so he can't complain. Mhh, reminds me of another scene where Lenore downplays her disgusting actions by shaming Hector...
Goodness, but Lenore must have gotten a degree in abuse apologism with flying colors! Look at that flawless DARVO! She would be a brilliant portrayal of a self-centered piece of shit who refuses to take responsibility, if I knew it was all intentional!
I also like that, near the end, when she's rebuking Hector's protests, for once she doesn't sound insufferably smug, but like she is patiently correcting a stubborn child making him reason. This is much better than her usual tone of voice that can only be described as "I get wet at seeing you humiliated", and not just because it's less grating on the ears: she is supposed to sound trustworthy and well-meaning, emotionally comforting Hector and not making fun of him. This is the tone she should have had from day one. It also would have helped distinguishing her and not making her sound like Carmilla 2.0, BDSM patch included.
The rest of the sequence speaks for itself. Lenore gives Hector a bigger cell (with added symbolism of her tugging his leash to lead him to it, showing that she is forcing all these comforts on him), complete with a book about vampires that he might find interesting, and engages in yet some more sexual play by removing the collar in the most erotic way possible for the joy of the shippers and the thirsty fans. But I want to focus on two things.
One, the book.
When it came to convincing Hector that nighttime is better than daytime, thus the vampire world is better than the human world, I said it was redundant because Hector already feels closer to the former than the latter. This, however, is a much better way to lure him in: Lenore is welcoming Hector even further in their world - or rather, her world. She is sharing their knowledge, the secret knowledge lost by humans and preserved by vampires, much like when during their walk she flaunted the castle's hypocaust that keeps the cells warm ignore that it's normally kept lit by slaves, giving us some unintentionally clever foreshadowing. In E8, Hector is genuinely fascinated by it:
Lenore's strategy of "humanizing" her race, and thus herself and the council so that Hector won't be scared, is pretty obvious but efficient. It's a shame that it's redundant because Hector has no prejudices, nor has he shown any, against vampires (because that would have created conflict between him and Lenore's plan): but hey, better be safe than sorry, right? In a way, it's a continuation of Lenore's abuse apologism, when she tried her best to paint Carmilla as a logical person "with a temper", and not as a violent beast to be scared of. "I keep telling you, we're not monsters."
Most importantly, this really hits one of Hector's weakest spots: feeling appreciated for his talents. It's all but said that the reason he feels more comfortable around vampires is because they mostly value him for his Devil Forging and necromancy, unlike humans who chased him away for that. For a human being who feels no connection to mankind, being offered a peek into vampire culture must have felt a honor.
Lenore giving him that book "given his profession" shows that she's meeting him on his level, and she doesn't simply see him as a tool like Carmilla, but someone whose blasphemous knowledge is respectable and worth nurturing. She didn't need to do that: Hector is already a genius in Devil Forging, so it's not for him to study to become more efficient. But it's basically a kind gift based on his interests.
But the really brilliant line is this one:
The levels of mindfuckery here!
Lenore coerced Hector into wearing a dog collar and leash for the simple purpose of walking around, making him feel like it was his fault he had to be treated that way, and all for the purpose of gaslighting him into forgiving Carmilla for hurting him. And after that gratuituous display of power over him, she is acting like they just went on a date and she is sheepishly asking permission for another one. (There is no clip, but the tone sounds soft and honestly grateful, too, like he's really doing her a favor.)
This is the exact same strategy of blaming Striga for the leash. She's passing the responsibility onto someone else: Hector, in this case. Lenore is pretending Hector has any power over their encounters. She's just a poor girl who wants to spend quality time with him, but she would never intrude upon his space without permission 🥺 even thought she just literally did by nearly kissing him while taking away the collar before he could ever express any interest in her 🥺 no, really, she leaves the choice up to him 🥺 (so that everything that follows will be his fault, obviously)
But Lenore doesn't just delude Hector into feeling like he has control right after stripping it from him: the point is, naturally, making him feel wanted. Not just as a thing to play with, because otherwise Lenore can just visit him whenever she pleases, but as a person worthy of respect. She likes spending time with him, and she demurely asks if he too wants to see her - and after popping a boner after her little stunt being lovebombed like that, of course Hector can't say no. Not after feeling genuinely cared for as a person, his biggest weak point.
How nice, after their rough start, they're finally developing a relationship of equality and respect despite their circumstances!
This is what Lenore should have been since the beginning. Wearing the mask of the demure little girl whom others make fun of, who is completely harmless (unless the other person deserves it), really, her hands are tied but she always tries her best, look at her gifts made from her pure kindness of heart! And subtly but constantly snipering at Hector's heart, sensing the chinks in his armor and pouncing on them like only a consummate liar and inherent predator can do. Not smugness, not humiliation, not sexual molestation: the believable lie of love and affection, targeted to someone who would sell his soul to taste those crumbs.
Or worse, the other interpretation is that this isn't even malicious lying at all. Now sure, Lenore can't spend one second in S3 without that obnoxious smirk on her face because she's just enjoying so much taking advantage of the power she has over her prisoner, and sure, I have proof that the ring was a pointless act of cruelty that nullifies all her hard work... but who says every word out of her mouth is a lie meant to harm and psychologically break Hector? Maybe it's just 90% of them! Maybe she's genuine when she shows attraction to Hector, and compliments him, and is happy when gets "permission" to see her again because it also makes her feel wanted (after all, Lenore's priority is feeling good about herself). Maybe she does care about him and she was earnest when she tried to "comfort" Hector after raping him into slavery - oh, my bad, into a position of pet... problem is that she is still a vampire, who cannot conceptualize love as humans do, and sees relationships as inherently unbalanced where she is the one where she has to have all the power. And she's willing to do whatever it takes to gain it, say every lie that comes to her fangs, twist every word, shift every ounce of blame, as long as it's for her pet's own good. Because that's what vampires do.
It's a shame those are the only instances Lenore is well written as a villain, because man, the depths of the realistic, relatable horror displayed in one episode are staggering and well conveyed. And most of this behavior is still carried into S4! ... completely by accident, which ignites my fury like few things.
She could have been a great, viscerally repulsive villain and an accurate depiction of an abuser who truly thinks she's in the right, and not just mere masturbation fodder. Now, if only Hector was written with more spine than a beached jellyfish...
#Youtube#netflixvania thoughts#lenore thoughts#<- i don't want it to appear in the main tag of the character but you know...#long post#another nice thing i can praise about lenore is her leitmotif#which sadly was never released officially except for her death theme which is like an extended version of it#but in some scenes you can hear this chime - even in the interrogation scene i linked#and i really like it. it sounds creepy at a first listen like an ominous music box. but it's tragic after her death#i think it was composed when she was still meant to be a 'princess in mourning' because that's what conveys to me#some sense of aching emptiness or a tearful smile#which is why it makes for an *excellent* death theme#even though it doesn't fit the character as she was finalized lol#and that's the real tragic part. her own theme speaks of depths she never ends up showing. i'm sure whatever concept was brilliant but alas#(reminds me of lapis lazuli's theme actually. there are scenes where mirror gem plays during poignant scenes and it sounds similar)#anyway i have the worst kind of brainworms and i need to unleash them#i have a lot of fun analyzing writing :) no matter the quality :)
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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The Hierophant, Strength and the Hanged Man for Carmen?
Thanks for the ask! For once, there is something resembling brevity to my answers.
(also reordered to obscure some aeon spoilers for anyone for whom those are a concern)
[tarot asks]
Strength: On what issue is your character persistent?
The abomination thing. It’s the abomination thing. It’s most certainly that, the abomination thing. Carmen has developed a fringe theory of the cosmos in which the pristine world of Golarion has been corrupted by the unnatural incursions of creatures and forces not meant to exist on it. History is full of hubristic supernatural overreaches, evil wizard tyrants, and wicked gods and demons sowing destruction. Fey tricksters run rampant in the wilds, the self-righteous so-called good gods leave doctrines of discord for their followers while turning their backs on disaster, the unquiet dead have so infested the earth that a whole disgusting nation of them has taken root. People turn to religion for salvation and the gods feed on their fears and their hopes and all their beautiful, rich lives like parasites. And hardly anyone can see the connection, that there’s not good and bad types of abomination, but that it’s rotten all the way down. That you need to purge it all: the angels and the demons and everything else. The Worldwound is but one corner of a far greater crusade, one that mortals fight endlessly every day just to survive. She’s absolutely miserable to discuss religion with.
(From a meta perspective, this was an adaptation of her impractical and logic resistant tabletop philosophy that every arcane magic user ever born was, deep down, evil, because magic is inherently evil and corrupts everything it touches.)
The Hanged Man: When has your character needed to step back and look at things from a different perspective?
Honestly, just being appointed Knight Commander was a major moment for this. Carmen has never thought of herself as a leader. She knows she doesn’t have a lot of social savvy or patience for trying to parse issues outside of her skillset. Her skills in compromise are generally poor. She doesn’t like delegating tasks. She’s most comfortable receiving orders, not giving them. And grand strategy? She’s a soldier, she doesn’t know what it is that generals do. It’s hard to understand what she’s being asked when Galfrey makes her intentions clear, and it took some processing to come to terms with and accept. Trying to push outside of her usual narrow view of the present and to consider Galfrey’s reasoning, Galfrey’s character, and the state of the crusade did help. As much as the symbolic reasons or the reason of blessings she knew she hadn’t received and disliked being associated with didn’t resonate with her, she could see logic to the crusade needing new blood and fresh morale. The disaster of Kenabres made that much clear. And some morally superior part of her could also be swayed by the logic that she was the right choice for being more upright, for being more clear-headed, for being willing to do what others wouldn’t, just like when she purged the Wardstone.
I suppose in the end it would up less the empathetic understanding of others and more a roundabout way of reaching her own warped perspective there though. Common Carmen L. She does respect Galfrey though, mostly. She has very complicated feelings about Galfrey. All part of the toxic yuri love triangle.
AEON SPOILER ZONE
The Hierophant: Who has served as a mentor to your character?
Carmen has had effectively zero people in her life in the recent past she would consider mentors, especially in the crusade. To “mentor” her would require demonstration of shared values, valuable skills superior to her own, and a temperament she finds agreeable and worthy of respect. Let me just say that there are no characters in the game who meet these standards. She respects some, like Greybor or Galfrey, as equals or near equals. But there’s no one who can put her in a position where she feels that she is a student. The closest that you could probably come is the aeon in the mirror (it’s always that damn aeon in the mirror), and that’s because to her, it is very much not a separate being. It’s just her. She’s just spending time clearing her head and thinking- that’s normal, everyone does that! And she easily internalizes insights she picks up from there. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.
Would love to see a dynamic of mentor and penitent disciple between her and Hal if she ever halfway shaped up her act though, that would be fun. I thought about that periodically in 2021.
#sometimes asks about carmen run up against the thing where I kind of never found it in me to finish adapting her backstory#so she winds up very present focused and a little thin relative to her tabletop counterpart from greyhawk#there are a few reasons for this. a big one is just that I just lost motivation as my interest in wrath waned after release#but also being exposed to later game spoilers just murdered any desire to rally and do it anyway.#if you know you know and I'm sure you can understand how it fucks with investment#sorry I try not to have full blown wrath hater moments on main for the sake of everyone I know does like it but. hm#I'm sure if I ever drag myself that far I'll hash out how to proceed. it would be nice to be able to. peace of mind for me.#ask game#carmen regis#kaleido-scope-lady#aeon spoilers#idk. is there a tag used for that#maybe it counts as#wotr spoilers#?
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Unbeeeeeelieeeeevable sight in the parking lot at the gym
#HIS LIL UNDERBITE…#ok upon reflection the next tag is mean spirited and that’s not who I am. i mean it’s deeply who I am so I’ll keep it but it’s not nice#and I’m someone who’s pretty immune to heckin doggo pupper whatever#so it’s all the more powerful when a dog actually moves me lol#but I just smashed a super awesome workout I feel shredded as fuckkkkkkkkkk#this invincible feeling will last about ohhh eight more minutes#and I just ate my yummy snack too…#protein bar tastes so good when you don’t have a bitch in ya ear telling u it’s highly processed food#(I’m the bitch)#and now it’s time to go have dinner with 3 friends YAYYYYYYYYYY#I love **** to death but christ is it good to socialize separately sometime. freeeeeee me#‘tight pussy kind of annoying’ what’s that post again#release me?#anyways swimming is the bestest thing ever and now I’m cured#for seven and a half more minutes that is.
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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How was kaladin your asexual awakening?
Fun story!!
I was in college and one of my only guy friends started dating this girl. And they were super mushy and disgusting and I hated it because we would hang out all the time and then after they started dating I had to deal with them flirting constantly. And not realizing that I was romance/sex repulsed I was like. Ok am I jealous?? Do I like this guy?? No he smells like feet. Ew. Ok why am I so mad. And well maybe that wasn't directly related to being asexual but STILL when Oathbringer came out and Kaladin reacted Like That to Adolin and Shallan dating and was like "wait. Shallan is like a brother to me" at the end. And I read a post about how Kaladin was so aro for that. and i was like WAIT. WAIT A SECOND--
I knew about aro and ace people for like eight years prior to that. But that was the first time it registered that oh thats ME. So thank you Kaladin Stormblessed aroace icon of all time.
#tali rambles#ask#sorry if this is incoherent LOL#ironically the guy in question gave me a ride to and from the oathbringer release too#hes a real one. and the girl he was dating has been his wife for like. geez 5 years now probably#theyre both really nice i still feel bad for probably making them think i hated them for a while LOL#also just ftr i have always used ace in my case as kind of encompassing aroace which is probably more accurate
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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!
Name: Neptune
Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Trident
Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)
Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.
Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!
Name: Triton
Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son
Pronouns: He/they
Age: 24
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Twin sai
Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)
Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.
Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.
Name: Otrera
Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 32
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Brass knickles
Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)
Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.
Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.
Name: Naos
Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Modified crutches
Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)
Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.
Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.
Name: Aitne
Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 27
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor
Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)
Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.
Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.
Name: Ariel
Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 16
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: Baton
Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)
Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress
Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!
Name: Maru
Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)
Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others
Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin
Name: Ahra
Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)
Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness
Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.
Name: Pipoltr/Pip
Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."
Pronouns: Whatever really?
Age: 8
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Giant lollipop
Ethos (Power): None yet!
Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.
Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#FINALLY POSTING THIS SET#there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right#i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found#but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol#his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol#the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw#also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters#i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all#hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW#also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif#but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them#omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not#i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque#also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult#and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol#and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before#bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things#like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical#otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit#the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type#aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake#but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side#and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!
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This is a little out of the blue, but I genuinely really enjoy hearing your tsaritsa lore and character breakdowns. She's hasn't been someone I'm terribly invested in getting to know as a character, but reading your thoughts on her has really piqued my interest. I've never considered what being the goddess of love could mean I guess
Anyway, all this to say I've been really enjoying your tsaritsa/fatui hype :) it's contagious
THIS IS SO GOOD TO HEAR i love going into deep dive breakdowns of characters especially ones who don't really have a lot of content, because it provides wiggle room for a lot of interpretations. not that i can blame you for not being too invested in her, considering we've never actually seen her, and only hear about from a few sources (venti, who doens't really say much, and childe + arle who also technically dont say much in the grand scheme of things but understanding their characters to see how it changes their view of the tsaritsa and where it overlaps is a good chunk of it)
so its my job to do what hoyo doesn't and hype the hell out of her /j. ive been writing her since i joined sagau around when it first started snowballing into popularity i dont think i could leave if i tried
#asks#Anonymous#not a fic#the tsaritsa is one of my faves and frankly the fatui as a whole. top 3 faves is something like tsaritsa arle&furi and bina#its the harsh contrast of “goddess of love” and tsaritsa that just. chefs kiss. i keep saying it but its true.#a lot of harbingers core themes are about love too like okayyyyy im listening. im seated.#the goddess of love also being the cryo archon. being in snezhnaya. the coldest nation yet and will prob have the dragonspine mechanic..#i think its shown especially with arlecchino and her entire story. i wont say much bc. yknow. spoilers. its been like 2 days since release#bc while arlecchino is better then the old knave she is not a good “father”. i mean shes still raising child soldiers. knowingly.#and i do not think she “loves” them. i think she CARES about them. but she does not love them.#she is the cold unfeeling “father”. that is her role. it is her purpose. she refuses to be like the old knave in that manner#she will not pretend to love them to make them loyal. she will not put up a facade of kindness to make them listen#but i also find it interesting that after arle took over at some point “mother” was attributed to the tsaritsa#i cant recall where the line is from atm but its such an interesting bit that says so much#all children of the house of the hearth are children of the tsaritsa and thus. “mother”.#looks at the wall of text in tags ah fuck i did it again. SHUT IT DOWN#someday i wont get distracted and write an essay in tags. today is not that day!!!#glad u enjoy my ramblings though its fun 2 write and nice 2 know ppl like them :]
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I was about to start throwing plates because even though hours have passed, the messages on my deco my tree just wouldn't load and in all honesty I was looking forward to reading those more than getting my christmas presents. But looks like making an account on another sketchy website that was linked on that already also sketchy website did give me access to the messages finally. The only problem is that i can't see who they're from but also they seem to be chronological so I think I can figure it out lol. So after some frustrations i can finally say that i have read them and they were really sweet and nice.... so, thank you friends!!!!! 💝 I hope your holidays were great too. And moral of the story is don't trust random websites like these with something that's sort of personal to you idk
#speaking of presents i need to brag about something#because now i offically have 20 vinyl records that i've gathered since starting my collection in spring of 2023#and my newest one is also actually the oldest and kind of an odd one out. surfer girl by the beach boys!#i'm really shocked that my dad remembered how we had this one conversation that also mentioned this band#about how i've been meaning to get into more of those bands that are considered maybe among the most influential and sort of classic#and just more 60s music in general. and we just listened to the album today and it was lots of fun#another thing is that after 4+ years since the game got released and since my months long animal crossing hypefixation started#i actually have new horizons now yay!!!! time to dig up my notes from all those months back#where i wrote down all my detailed plansfor customising my island IF I HAD ONE#but yeah this is exciting i haven't actualy played any ac games since uh idk even when#i probably haven't logged into either of my wild world or new leaf towns in over a year or maybe even two years#so i'm excited to return to the animal crossing world once again. those games are among my favourites ever#i'm definitely naming my island 'cowtown' by the way#also it was frosty overnight so today i took a walk and took some nice photos of everything being covered in frost#the magic of nature will always amaze me so... yay. all in all i had a chill christmas time#most of all i'm glad i didn't get sick out of nowhere at the end of holidays like last year that was kind of wild and rough#and i'm sending healing powers to those who might have had to deal with sickness of any kind. i know how that feels........#goosepost
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It's that wonderful time of year when music review youtubers release their end-of-year best and worst lists and I find out what the fuck america was up to when the rest of us weren't looking
#personal#not that I could tell u what the uk was up to either. or the tiktok monoculture#it's been a year-long kendrick lockdown for me. but I'm told there has been other music#waiting patiently for the todd lists whenever he's doing those#but if u like me are into those kinds of vids. sean fay-wolfe on youtube dot com#just released the first half of his worst list. strong back catalogue. non-egregious political leanings. interesting takes#he even has a lizard now. perfect channel#every time I remember he only has like 17k followers I'm taken aback bc he easily feels like a channel w 10 times that#this is not a sponsorship read this is simply an endorsement from someone who likes to have a nice long music review vid while I work#he's hoping this worst list will do well and u know what? me too. 🫵 go invest in sean fay-wolfe NOW
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ZeXal Meets Adult Swim: The Episode
#zeXal#yugioh#yugioh zeXal#Lance watches ZeXal#Yuma Tsukumo#the more i look at it the more Aqua Teen vibes I get from shot 1#that mask on the wall tho#and shot 2 looks like a Boondocks nod lol#Orbital 7 dueling for Obomi over a misunderstanding of grocery lists after No. 96 was just released lol#kind of a weak ep but not terrible#also his using Googly-Eyes as a Galaxy-Eyes spoof makes more sense getting that 'garakuta' [garbage] is a 'galaxy' pun#and 'fat' sounding similar to 'photon'#i get that the TCG probably couldn't translate the 'garakuta' pun nicely but connecting 'drum' to 'photon' doesn't work quite as well#[though i guess they couldn't call it 'futon' dragon#haven't posted much about my watchthrough 😅#but ZII has been fun so far especially as it picked up with the Barian plot and Mizael coming in#getting the Alito duel in also helps nicely with the DL event going on now#i'm sure No. 96 being released won't have any negative repercussions whatsoever#looking forward to things from here onwards
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The modern gaming industry pisses me off so bad.
#bee speaks#tried playing the monster hunter wilds beta on steam deck and it just barely functional and completely dogshit texturewise#making this unrebloggable bc some ass is gonna come on my post and talk abt how playing the game on the deck is a pipe dream but like. IK.#it lags so bad. upscaling breaks the game entirely and trying to play the game multiplayer in the windy plains is probably gonna cook it#higher graphical pursuit is so ass i hate it here#and i love when u look to people for recommendations and you get the half assed#'Why did you try it on the steam deck. just wait until they release the newer version. get an actual gaming pc with blah blah blah ram.'#I DONT HAVE THE MONEYYYYYYY GETTING THIS STUPID SLAB WHEN I DID WAS ALREADY WAY TOO MUCH FOR THE AVERAGE PERSON#if capcom didnt make their game bloatware maybe i could be able to play it normal. the game feels nice i just wish it could RUN#anyways i'm being a massive bitch today for someone who has other ways to play the game. but this was my one shot to actually Own it myself#so i am kind of completely fucked <3#monster hunter world runs like a dream on there and has a functional lower res texture mode that doesnt bitcrush everyone's face.
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caught up on sign of affection and god
itsoumi and yuki are so cute - god - i love them
#sab speaks#i don't like how oushi treats yuki#maybe if he was nicer to her she would have fallen for him instead#but i think that's the whole point#he couldn't be nice to her because he was too scared#of getting too close and getting hurt or of hurting her#so he treated her badly#and then itsu came and he realized just how bad he's been treating her#i love how itsu is so kind to him despite knowing how oushi feels#i've read only physical manga releases#but i know oushi's eventual confession will be BRUTAL#also shortcake cake is one of my other favorite series#i need to finish the volumes i had#i have this problem where i don't like to read things i like bc then it will be over#T_T
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I haven't seen the new Barbie movie yet, but as a lifelong movie enthusiast I'm heartwarmed by it being such an Event and by the hype it's getting, because it felt like that might become a thing of the past after the Pandemic, or something that became only reserved for the MCU
#long time followers of this blog know I used to work as a video rental store clerk and spent 2021#Watching as many movies as possible etc#Anyways oftentimes I get to thinking like will theaters and movies become a total thing of the past within the next few generations#And start feeling melancholy at the idea of kids growing up not knowing the excitement of a good theatrical experience or new release#so it's just nice to see that kind of stuff happening again with something that isn't a marvel movie#Streaming services have changed the way we experience content like that so much I think but#i just hope theaters don't go the way of video rental stores bc I miss video rental stores as an experience every day#movies#p
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Obviously I'm not the correct person to talk abt the full scope of this issue in detail but do Larian writers realize that like. Being too cowardly to properly give Wyll any written nuance and watering him down to "nice" so he doesn't rock the boat at all as a black fantasy lead is just as racist as the stereotypes found in his pre-release character right?
#they really said wahhh its too hard to write a black male lead we give up!!#and then never gave him literally any content ever again#like i dont know how to tell you this but your only options arent 'angry black man' and 'so nice he never gets upset at all'#like he absolutely needed to be reworked from pre release#but how they did it feels like all the white ppl in the writes room threw up their arms and went 'wah we'll never please anyone'#wouldnt be surprised if Wyll being less complex and having little conflict was also to appease racist gamers so theyll still play the game.#anyways im forever mad about this#i just love this character so much he deserves so much more#s.txt#hire more black writers for fucks sake give my boy literally ANY attention at all 😭#also i am saying this as someone who LOVES nice characters and loves the nuance of them#i would never call a kind character boring. my issue isnt hes kind#its that hes clearly had less care into writing him
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