#It's hard to get both of us into reading mood at the same time‚ unfortunately

[fredgeorgegredfeorge]

Green-Eyed Monster | F.W.

For the first time ever, Fred Weasley finds himself jealous over the only person in the world he needn’t worry a bit about.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x f!reader

Word count: 8k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, oral + fingering (f!receiving, (lots of) dirty talk, name calling, praise/degradation, dom/sub dynamic, some nipple play, touch of a breeding kink, possessiveness/jealousy, some toxic themes, established relationship, swearing, drinking, arguing, angst, fluff, sorry if miss any!

first hp fic in a very long time! what better to post than this mess (jealous, possessive, sexy mess). basically pwp—let me know what you think! (Barely edited at all lmao my apologies)

You sat quietly at George’s desk, eyes focused on a piece of parchment as you both tried to break down the recipe George had scribbled down. There was a hiccup, a hitch in the plan of brewing a batch of Euphoria Elixir for the joke shop, and it was pushing back your plans to place them on the shelves this week. After a few hours of quiet deliberation on his lonesome, George decided to seek your help in hopes of speeding up the process.

So, the two of you put your heads together and re-read the ingredient list a million times, wondering how the hell it turned out murky green instead of sunshine-y yellow. The cauldron sat smoldering across the room, a rain cloud above it as the bubbly mixture spilled over the sides. Upon first glance, you had stated the absolute obvious.

“Isn’t that supposed to be a rainbow?” You raised an eyebrow, looking at your brother-in-law as he collapsed in his chair.

“Yes, you git.” George rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. You shot him a sharp look, warning him to be nice if he wanted your help. You knew George didn’t mean any of the insults—he was simply frustrated and maybe even a little embarrassed that he could not figure it out by himself. “Sorry, Y/N.” He conceded, realizing he came on a bit too strong.

“S’alright.” You assured him, stepping towards the desk where he sat. “Where’s the ingredient list? We’ll start there.” You offered, knowing you would help no matter how poor of a mood he was in. You loved George almost as much as you loved Fred, if you had to compare. Even if it was in a different way, you had a hard time refusing him when he used the same charm tactics as his twin brother.

After spending so many years in a relationship with Fred, it would be obscure for you not to have a bond with the closest person to him. Over the years, he’d surpassed a friend and had grown into your own brother. You were certain that no matter where life took you and Fred, George would always hold a special place in your heart. When the two opened their shop in Diagon Alley, you volunteered most of your free time to help them in any way you could, and whether it was tweaking new products or doing some of the dirty work, you never really minded.

That evening in specific, Fred was off on some ‘official business’, which really just meant meeting with a potential product buyer at The Leaky Cauldron. Last month, George took the burden of doing so, and they decided it was only fair for him to do it this time. Unfortunately for you, as much as you loved supporting them, it did interfere with your evening plans with him. So, sulking and trying your best to swallow it down, you distracted yourself with stocking shelves downstairs to prepare for another busy day ahead.

You were actually near grateful when George emerged from the office, calling out to you in desperation. It gave you a break from the monotonous back and forth, and someone to talk to. If it could not be Fred, you decided George was the next best.

“So, what’d’ya think it could be?” George asked, peeking over the cauldron that was still spitting back at him. He dodged out of the way, trying his best not to get any of the splashback on his new jumper.

“Well, from what you’ve told me, seems like you put all the right stuff in.” You deducted, pursing your lips slightly as you read over the list for what seemed like the millionth time. “Sad as it sounds, I doubt we can save it now, even if we figure out what happened.” You said, recalling your potions knowledge that Snape had relayed over the years.

“Right, but I’d like to know what’s wrong before I try again.” He explained, taking a moment to look over your sad expression. His eyebrows furrowed, his head cocking to the side as he tried to figure out where it was coming from. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?” Your eyes flickered upwards to meet his, your cheeks tinged red from the heat of the room. Your lips dipped into a frown as you shrugged your shoulders, brushing him off so you did not need to explain yourself. “I know you better than that. Come on, now.” He urged, placing his palms flat against the desk as he leaned towards you, a challenging look in his eye.

You narrowed your brows, keeping a stony expression as you met his gaze. “What’s it to you, Weasley?” You shot back, unsure of where your defensive nature was coming from. Perhaps you weren’t willing to discuss your relationship problems with your boyfriend’s twin brother, or maybe it was because you felt foolish for being upset at all.

“Reckon we’re past that, hmm? Your problems are our problems, and all.” He responded, also unsure of why you were being so reserved with your thoughts. Usually, you were an open book, especially with the two of them.

“My problems aren’t your problems, Georgie.” You shook your head, shutting down the ridiculous notion. “Let’s get back to the real problem, yeah?”

“No, I don’t think so.” George disagreed, his concern now over something completely different. “Is it about Fred?” At that, the tips of your ears began to burn and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. “Ah, I see.” A devious smile crossed his lips.

“It’s not a big deal.” You covered your tracks, tapping the ink-less quill against the worn parchment.

“I have a hard time believing you, considering you just lied to me.”

“Lied is a strong word,” you rolled your eyes, quickly realizing that there would be no escaping the conversation. “I didn’t lie about anything.”

“What’s he done?”

“Nothing!” You exclaimed, a dry laugh leaving your lips. “It’s just… I’m just being dramatic.” And it’s true, you were being dramatic. Well, maybe not fully, but that’s what you were trying to convince yourself of. “I just miss him, I suppose. I know you both have been busy, but I think maybe I underestimated how busy you would actually be.” You continued, knowing it was wrong to confide in his twin brother about your relationship issues. Still, it felt good to get it off your chest, to voice the concern and have someone shoot you down, just so you knew you were being irrational. “This is the third night in a row we’ve canceled our plans. I’ll get over it. It’s no big deal.”

“That’s a big deal.” He hummed, sympathizing with you to make you feel better. “Bloody inconsiderate, if you ask me.” But you weren’t asking him, and somehow his justification of your feelings only made you feel worse. “What? Not allowed to speak my mind?”

“No—“ you let out a defeated sigh, slumping down in your seat. “I know that, but I was hoping you would tell me I’ve gone mad, instead.”

“Blimey, Y/N, you’re allowed to be upset. We're busy, yeah, but you’re still his girlfriend.” George said, jumping slightly when the rain cloud above the cauldron let out a crack of thunder. “If you’d rather, we can forget the elixir and grab dinner instead. I’m not Fred, but I’m pretty damn close.” He gave you a cheeky smile, earning an honest laugh from you.

“S’alright, Georgie. Thank you, though.” You appreciated his kindness, but you were sure it would only make your predicament even worse, considering Fred’s recently acquired short-fuse when it came to you and George spending so much time together. It was odd for him to be so protective, so jealous of the one person in the world he needn’t worry about, but it seemed as though the new trait was permanent. Perhaps it came from the fact he was also missing you due to your busy schedules, and how it sometimes seemed you and George were most often left at the shop alone.

“You know, I have noticed that lately.” George continued, leaning against the desk as he reminisced over the last few weeks. “Always seems to be us stuck here together.”

“Mhm.” You mumbled, slowly realizing that you weren’t as insane as you previously thought if he was noticing all of the same things. “Let’s just figure this out so I can get home.”

So you did. A grueling hour spent recounting George’s every step in brewing the elixir left the two of you puzzled and even more frustrated. By that point in the night, you were hunched over the long list of his steps you had jotted down so you could (hopefully) discover what he missed.

“I dunno, Georgie.” You sighed. “Seems like you did everything—“ you cut yourself off, leaning closer to the page on the desk as you caught something you hadn’t seen before.

“What?” He asked, his head snapping towards you. “What is it?”

“You said when you let it simmer, it was turquoise.” You said, looking up at him.

“Yeah, so?” He replied, confused why it was such a big deal.

“It’s meant to be blue.” You explained, a grin on your face as you relayed the information to him.

“Turquoise… blue… same thing, innit?” He asked, standing and walking over to you.

“Maybe to you.” You giggled, pointing to the piece of paper where he missed the step. “After you add the shrivelfig, you have to stir it until it changes color.” He walked up behind you, placing one hand on your arm as he leaned over your opposite shoulder. He smelled of butterbeer, likely due to the one he’d been nursing the entire time you sat together. You immediately noticed the warmth of his body, how similar it felt to how Fred touched you, but how drastically different it was all the same.

“Blimey, you’re right!” He exclaimed, his voice still soft so he was not yelling in your ear. “What would I do without you?” He gave your arm a gentle squeeze, leaning closer and pressing the side of his face to yours in a makeshift hug. His hand dropped to your back, lingering there as the conversation continued.

“It’s nothing, really.” You smiled, closing your eyes to enjoy the warmth for a moment. “So now you know. You can do it again, but make sure to stir it until it’s blue. By tomorrow, we’ll have it bottled and on the shelves just like we planned.”

“Our number one girl, saving the day yet again.” He sighed in relief. “I better get to it—“

Before his thought could finish, the door to the office swung open, cutting him short. Your eyes turned upwards, landing on a slightly drunken version of the boyfriend who’d abandoned your evening plans. The gloss of his eyes and the goofy smile on his lips led you to believe so, and the redness on the apples of his cheeks only solidified it. Only his cheeky grin didn’t last too long when he processed the scene in front of him, how close the two of you were, how heavy George’s hand seemed on your back and how rosy your own cheeks were.

Quickly, his jaw tightened, his gaze narrowing as he tried to decipher the whole situation. His nostrils flared ever so slightly, and his arms raised to cross over his chest. Immediately, you knew what you’d be in for; a long, tiresome argument that changed absolutely nothing. Instead of fighting the silent accusations, defending yourself for no real reason at all, you watched him with the same intensity while you awaited a snide comment.

“So what’s all this, then?” Fred asked, his face clearly conveying all of his emotions.

“Helping Georgie make the elixir while you were off getting sloshed at The Leaky Cauldron.” You muttered, noticing George straighten himself up in hopes of avoiding any further damage.

“I was not getting sloshed, I was doing business.” He corrected, defensive over the fact. “S’pose you were hoping I’d take a little longer, yeah? Give you some more time to cozy up with my brother?”

“Blimey, Fred. If you took any longer, I’d imagine you’d have to move in with the lad.” George took your side on the matter. “At least she wouldn’t have to worry about you missing dinner again.” At that, Fred’s eyes cut to you, immediately understanding where the underlying tension was coming from.

“Is that right?” Fred’s voice was no louder than a whisper, all of the pieces clicking together in an instant. “I don’t suppose the two of you had dinner? Let him fill in for me while I was gone?”

“No, we did not.” You snipped, standing as you gathered the ingredients for George’s second attempt at the brew.

“Yeah, right. What else did he fill in for, sweetheart? Anything you think I should know?” At that, your eyes widened and your face turned red. Your entire body felt like it was engulfed in flames, appalled that he would even think such a thing.

“Piss off, Fred.” You muttered, stepping out from behind the desk as tears stung your eyes. George shot you a sympathetic look as you pushed past his brother and out into the stairwell. You trodded down to the main level, swiping fallen tears away from your cheeks as you rushed out the front entrance of the building.

The cool air of the night was nice, especially after spending so long cramped up in the tiny office space, but it was not as freeing as you might have hoped once you heard footsteps following behind you. Without acknowledging him, you pulled your keys from your pocket, hoping that maybe he forgot his own set and you wouldn’t have to deal with his drunken arguments tonight if you got inside before him.

Of course, you knew that was childish and cruel, because despite being upset with him, loving him was the only thing you knew how to do. You unlocked the front door, holding it open with your boot-clad foot as he stumbled his way behind you. As soon as he passed through the doorway, you continued on your journey to ignore him and tossed your keys on the counter.

“Hey,” Fred reached out, his warm hand landing on your arm, stopping you from running any further from him.

“What?” You snapped, immediately regretting the harshness of your tone. He recoiled at the sound, shocked that you spoke to him in such a way. Usually the two of you saw eye to eye on everything, and in your long standing relationship arguing had never been your thing. Until you left school, you were certain the two of you had never been angry at each other, ever.

“What the bloody hell was that about? I leave for a few hours, and the two of you get on like that? Does that happen every time I step out?” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes again, wondering why this became such a problem in the few short months you’d been graduated.

“Merlin, Fred. You’re acting like you caught us in a broom closet.” You tried again to make your way to the bedroom, unwilling to argue a point he knew was blasphemous anyhow. “We were working, not fucking.”

“Yeah, but I bet you would’ve let him, right?” He grabbed your hand, spinning you back around to face him. He pulled you into him, his athletic build never leaving him even after he stopped playing quidditch. “Bitching and moaning cause I couldn’t be home to take you to dinner… if you were so upset, why didn’t you come to me, princess? Tell me what was wrong?” You could smell fire whiskey on his breath, feeling his chest heaving with anger against your own. As angry as you were, you couldn’t help but feel a rush of arousal run through you. The slight sneer on his face, the fire in his eyes, and the protective hold he had on you was sending your head spinning with thoughts much less pertinent to the topic at hand.

“Maybe I would have if you spared me the time of day.” You argued, finding yourself short of breath as you realized just how much he towered over you. “But, as it seems, you’ve been too damn busy to spare me a second glance.”

“Christ, when did you get so needy?” His rebuttal came easy, like he’d been waiting to have this fight for weeks. “Weren’t satisfied at home, so you thought my brother could do it for you?”

“Are you daft?” You hissed, feeling his fingers tighten on your hips. You hated that the feeling made you forget about your troubles, urging you to push the argument to the side and settle it in a better, more pleasurable way. “If that’s what I wanted, you think I’d be up here arguing with you?”

“That depends, sweetheart. Were you planning on getting caught?” He raised an eyebrow, the thud of his heart against his chest letting you know just how worked up he was. There was no way he truly believed you would do that to him, especially after all you had been through together. You wondered if maybe the lack of time spent with each other was getting to him, souring his thoughts because he missed you just as much as you missed him. “We may be identical, Princess, but he could never give you what I can.”

You hated to admit it, but for some strange reason, jealousy looked really good on him.

“What, a headache and a poor mood?” You decided to play his game if he wasn’t willing to listen to reason. If he wanted to fight, you could do it too. “I’m sure he could manage. In fact, he could probably do a hell of a lot more.” That seemed to strike a nerve in him, pushing him over the edge in an instant and changing the entire mood hanging heavy in the room. He no longer wanted to talk, but rather prove a point.

He took a step backwards, never easing his hold as he pushed you towards the kitchen table. He didn’t stop until your ass hit the edge, a mischievous look in his eye replacing the earlier annoyance. He had you locked in place, no intent to back down as he stared down at you over the bridge of his nose. Then, a small smirk turned the corner of his lips, leading you to believe he was also thinking of a much more simple way to solve your problems.

“Maybe you just need a reminder of who you belong to, yeah?” He asked, his voice quieter than it was before. You felt your mouth run dry, your eyes never leaving his as a dull ache between your legs began to pester you.

That would make you feel better, but he had pissed you off enough that you wanted to refuse him the satisfaction.

“Maybe we should get Georgie up here. According to you, he’d be the one to set me straight.” There was a slight venom in your tone letting him know you wouldn’t be letting anything go so easily. A low chuckle shook his shoulders, his eyes gleaming with a sinister look you weren’t sure you’d ever seen from him before that night. He shook his head ever so slightly, playing into you as he reached one arm behind you.

Your heart raced as you awaited a response, wondering if maybe you pushed him too far and crossed a boundary you could not double back on. You didn’t have to wonder long, because without a second thought, he cleared all of the items littering the table with one swift move of his arm. Papers scattered everywhere, floating through the air and landing all over the floor. Broken products and half finished merchandise for the shop tumbled off the edge, falling less than gracefully onto the tile below. Without ever breaking eye contact, he raised an eyebrow, daring you to say it again.

“You think he can fuck you better than I can?” He asked, giving you the opportunity to change your mind.

“Right now? Yeah.” You spat, wondering if he’d ever drop the act and get on with his day. “Seems like all you want to do is get on my nerves.”

“Yeah?” He challenged, his face so close to yours you could feel his breath on your skin. The tip of his nose grazed your own, his normally warm and comforting irises engulfed by his lust-blown pupils. Or perhaps it was anger that gave him the new look—you weren’t quite sure. “You’d rather go home with him at night? Wake up next to him every morning? Is that really what you want, princess?” He taunted, knowing very well that your heart was his, even if he found himself caught up in a few moments of doubt.

Still neglecting to give him any gratification, you nodded your head despite the sickening feeling that washed over you at the thought. As if he called your bluff before you ever said it aloud, he laughed at the certainty in your action, which only seemed to anger you further.

“If that’s the case, seems like I’ve got my work cut out for me tonight.” He responded, brushing the comment off as if it were nothing. If there was one thing Fred couldn’t ever turn down, it was a challenge, and since coming upstairs with you, it was only further proven to him that’s all this was. “Maybe I’ve gotten too comfortable, sweetheart. After so long, you think you’d know that you’re mine, huh?” Before he continued his tyrant, he used his hands on your hips to lift you onto the table with ease. The ache between your legs had grown stronger, more intense and impossible to ignore. You could feel the wetness soaking through your panties, and the thought of his strong arms lifting you so carelessly only made you spiral further. “Maybe I expect too much of you.” He theorized, recognizing the gleam in your eyes because he’d seen it a thousand times before.

He let his hands trail under the hem of your jumper, settling on the button of your jeans as he undid it with ease. You never let your eyes trail from his face, realizing that no matter how upset you were, it could never take away from how much you loved him. He was beautiful, his fiery red hair and the freckles splattered across his cheeks and nose creating a perfect picture. The softness of his complexion and the gentleness hidden deep in his expression assured you that whatever the two of you were doing was nothing more than an act. He knew you were his just as well as you did, but he knew the only way to settle the (admittedly, misguided) fear was to hear you say it aloud.

You helped him pull the fabric from your legs, wrapping your arms around his neck as you lifted your hips from the table. He discarded the clothing on the floor, paying no mind to it as he returned his hands to your bare legs. His eyes searched your face, carefully looking for any sign of discomfort. Instead, he was met with a pleading expression that only seemed to fuel his too large ego even further.

“No matter,” he disregarded his earlier rant, his eyes growing heavy as his hand fell between your legs. His fingertips grazed the thin fabric separating him from your core, a shiver running down his spine as he noticed the arousal that had soaked straight through. “I don’t mind having to show you. Least I’ll get to have my fun too, yeah?” He applied slight pressure to your aching clit, watching to see your reaction. Your eyebrows knitted together, your lips parting slightly as your hips moved forward into his hand, your body betraying your mind and begging him for something more.

At that, a grin encased his face, happy to see that he hadn’t lost his touch, even if your lives were vastly different and ever-changing by the day. He knew exactly how to make you feel good, and he took pride in it.

“See, Princess? She’ll always tell me the truth.” He taunted, his voice quiet as his eyes trailed down to his hand. You swallowed hard, knowing he had you in a stalemate. “Tell me again, who do you think knows how to make you feel good? Who does it best?” He was on a power trip, unwilling to slow down until he heard you admit it. Still, you stood your ground, pressing your lips tightly together so not a single sound could pass through. His grin faded, slowly sinking into a scowl as your disobedience remained clear.

He removed his finger from you, tracing the hem of your panties as he hooked his finger through the side of the fabric resting on your hip. He awaited an answer, giving you the opportunity to change your mind. When you kept your stoicism, he gave one, hard tug on the lacy fabric until it snapped in two. He used his other hand to do it to the opposite side, giving himself easy access to you without hearing a complaint on your end.

“So you don’t care who’s between your legs?” He continued, unrelenting as you stared him down. “Doesn’t matter who, as long as there’s a cock in you? As long as someone’s taking care of your pretty pussy?” Your cheeks flushed, your chest burning as the filthy words washed over you. “Doesn’t matter, sweetheart. When I’m done with you, I’ll be the only person you can think of. Surely then you won’t be able to forget who you belong to.”

His hand connected with your bare cunt, his fingers trailing through your arousal and settling over your clit as he began to trace slow circles into the sensitive area. Your legs trembled at the contact, finally feeling some relief from the nagging sensation that had been taking over.

“Fuck. Fred.” You whispered, giving yourself away immediately. He let out a low hum, pleased with the sound and knowing he was the reason for it. He had you where he wanted you, and now he just had to keep up the pace. You could feel his hardening length against your leg, distracting you completely from the pent up anger and frustration.

“That’s it.” He encouraged, his middle finger sinking inside of you as he let his thumb take over on your clit. “That’s my girl.” He made sure to accentuate the claim, never once letting you forget it. “All you needed was a little help remembering.” Slowly, he pumped his finger into you, keeping time with his thumb as he began to work you towards a climax. “You want to say it for me? Tell me what I already know?” Instead of responding, you let out a whine, your hips bucking forward into his hand. Although it wasn’t what he was looking for, it was just enough for him to keep going.

He curled his fingers as he pumped them into you, begging for a reaction as your hand wrapped around his bicep for support. You felt the tense of his muscles as he worked at you, only pushing you closer to insanity. You were his, undoubtedly and wholeheartedly, and you would be crazy to ever want anyone else.

“Stubborn little thing tonight.” He remarked, his eyes focused on the point in which his hand met with you, never breaking his stare as he watched his fingers disappear into you. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Need more, Freddie.” You replied, your eyes squeezed shut as you felt the pleasure pulsing under your skin. It had been a long time since you felt him this way, and your impatience was quite clear.

“My little whore needs more?” He teased, applying a little more pressure with his thumb. A gasp fell from your lips, sending your upper half leaning forward until your forehead rested against his. “Asking a lot from someone you aren’t being very good for.” He chastised you for your behavior despite being the one that caused the problem in the first place.

“M’sorry, my love. S-so sorry.” You rushed out, his fingers brushing against the sweet spot inside you only he knew how to find.

“That’s not what I want to hear sweetheart, and you know it.” His tone was firm, unrelenting as he continued his torment. You let out a groan of frustration, wishing he’d quicken the pace and give you what you wanted, even though you refused to give in to him.

He leaned forward, closing the gap between your mouths as he grew tired of waiting for the words he wanted to hear. He tasted like the whiskey that had been fuelling his poor mood, sweet and bitter all at once as his tongue grazed your bottom lip. You hated how easy it was for him to turn you into a mess, hated how easy it was for him to make you forget you were angry at all. You pulled him closer to you, holding his arm tightly so he would not pull away. You were stubborn, but despite that, you were showing him everything he wanted to see through your actions alone.

You broke from the kiss as a particularly intense wave of euphoria pulled your stomach. Your forehead continued to rest on his, holding you upright as he continued to give you just enough to keep you satisfied.

“Say it, princess.” His voice was low, raspy and laced with desire as he watched you turn into a mess below him. “Tell me you’re all mine. Tell me I’m the only one who can make you feel like this.” Instead, you connected your mouths again, letting a desperate moan out at the same time. He drank in the sound, his cock throbbing as his hips jutted forward into nothing. He was almost more desperate than you were, which only allowed for you to take him less seriously.

“G-gonna have to try harder than that.” You found a peculiar pleasure in leaving him on edge, giving him a taste of his own medicine as he continued to torture both of you at once. “Show me why I should say it, Freddie. Seems like you’re all t-talk.” You stuttered, tripping over your words as you tried to keep your composure.

He withdrew his hand from you, making you cry out in frustration from the loss of pleasure. Your eyes met his, desperation written all over your face as you protested his actions. Silently, he sunk to his knees between your legs, pulling you to the edge of the table by your hips. He didn’t spare a single glance at your face before his tongue connected with your core, the warm wetness of his tongue even more pleasurable than the rough pad of his thumb.

You laid back on the table, your hands sinking downwards and tangling in the soft locks of hair. Although you were denying him of the statement he wanted to hear, you could not deny that your last argument was wholly untrue. Fred was determined to prove a point, and he was doing it well.

You weren’t far off from an orgasm, his tongue making quick work at pushing you to the edge. The sounds falling from your lips were telling of your current state, and as delirium began to set in, your defenses began to break down.

He suctioned his lips around your clit, adding his fingers to the mix and returning to his earlier pace to torture you further. Every nerve in your body was ablaze with desire, need seeping from every pore as you realized just how badly you needed the release. Sick of the game, you finally broke in fear he would leave you hanging yet again.

“Oh, god.” You gasped, your legs resting over his shoulders in attempt to stop the constant trembling of the lips. “I’m yours, Fred, fuck!” You exclaimed, a sheen layer of sweat forming over your forehead as the knot in your belly began to tighten. “Only you can make me feel this good. Nobody else.” You whined, your fingers tightening on the locks of hair as you began to tug at the strands. You could feel him smiling against you, happy to finally hear you admit the truth.

Pleased with your confessions, he curled his fingers against your g-spot one last time, generously giving you the very thing you’d been pleading for. In a mess, your entire body tensed as the pleasure took hold. The orgasm washed over you, leaving your heart racing against your chest and your head swirling with filthy thoughts for the boy between your legs. A hum of approval let you know he was more than happy with your performance, and he kept his pace until he felt you relax against the table below you.

Once he knew he’d gotten the most out of you, he rose to his feet, towering over you as you laid below him. In the dim moonlight, you could see your orgasm glistening on his chin, only furthering his cockiness as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip so he did not waste a drop of it.

“Always taste so sweet, princess.” He whispered, using one hand to free himself from his pants and his boxers. “And it’s all for me.” He continued, slipping his shirt from his head. He used it to wipe his face clean before tossing it on the floor to join the growing pile of clothes. With shaky hands, you lifted your upper half from the table and pulled your own jumper over your head. “Isn’t that right?” He stepped toward, settling between your legs as his hands ghosted over your bare thighs.

You let out a whimper, his grip landing on your already sore hips as his eyes raked over your entire frame. Your gaze flickered to his cock, hard and aching for relief as he continued to tease you. His fingers tickled your stomach as he trailed his touch upwards, his palm landing flat against your breast as he gave it a gentle squeeze. He let the pad of his thumb brush over your hardened nipple, sending another wave of pleasure through you.

“Answer me, sweetheart.” He wasn’t playing anymore; he wanted to hear the words, and he was done with your obstinacy. He pinched your nipple between his thumb and forefinger,

“Yes,” you huffed, already forgetting the pleasure from your first climax as a whole new wave of need began to take over. “I’m yours, Fred. All yours.” You reiterated your earlier statement, now willing to do whatever he wanted of you to prove the point.

“Tell me how bad you want it.” He shot you a twisted little smile, almost as if he was getting off just from the thought of you begging for him.

“I need it, baby. Need to feel you, please.” You whined, reaching for his arms and pulling him closer. “Want you so bad, Fred. Been waiting all night for it.” You felt the tip of his cock connect with your cunt, his expression faltering as soon as he felt the wetness.

“God, you make it so hard to be upset with you.” He hissed the words through his teeth, using his hand to guide himself through your folds as he sucked in a sharp breath. He settled himself just over your already sensitive clit, pushing his hips forward ever so slightly to apply pressure to the spot. “Sound so pretty when you’re begging to be fucked.”

Slowly, he let his tip run back through your arousal, settling the head just at your entrance. He pushed himself forward, but just barely. You whimpered as you braced yourself for the feeling, only to be let down when he stopped himself from going any further.

“Fred,” you warned, catching his eye so he could see your desperate face. You hoped that if he did, he would stop being such a tease. “Please fuck me.”

“What was that?” He smirked, turning his head slightly so his ear was closer to you. “Didn’t quite catch it.”

“Fred, stop—“ you cut yourself off, letting out a huff of annoyance. You knew chastising him for his actions would only make him less likely to give in, even if it was incredibly hard to hold it back. “I need you to fuck me.” You repeated, clearer and louder in hopes of swaying his decision. “Can’t wait any longer, baby. Please.”

At that, he pushed forward the rest of the way, sending your entire body raising with goosebumps. The stretch as he filled you was exactly what you craved, and as he reached the hilt, his tip brushed against your g-spot so delicately that it almost made you come undone right then and there. Your eyelids grew heavy with satisfaction, focusing on how full you felt with him inside of you, knowing that he for certain would always be the one for you.

“That good enough for you, Princess? This is what you wanted?” He asked, letting himself rest inside you for a moment. He felt your walls flutter around him, pulling him even further and making it harder for him to resist you.

“Mhm,” you hummed, giving him a tired nod of agreement. You could feel him throbbing inside of, desperate for a release just like you had been moments before, but he was still trying to prove his point.

“Nobody else gets to have you like this, sweetheart. You’re mine.” He whispered, now sober from the alcohol but intoxicated by an even stronger, deadlier force; you. “He couldn’t fuck you like this, and you know it.” As he spoke, he withdrew his hips and slammed them forward into you again. The action stole the breath from your lungs, twisting your stomach with pleasure as your nails scratched over his skin.

He began at a pace, slower than normal but the force behind his movements making your head spin. You moaned quietly, lost within the feeling of being so close to him. He never failed to take your breath away, never failed to amaze you with his every move. You were so in love with him it sometimes felt like there was no room within your heart for anyone or anything else.

“Tell me, Y/N.” He ordered, his stare never wavering as he fucked into you. As much as he wanted to succumb to the sensation of you wrapped around him, he found it hard to push the thoughts of your earlier arguments out of his head. “You think he’d fuck you like this? You think he could make you feel this good?”

“No, Freddie.” You gasped, feeling the strength of his thrusts increase, sending the legs of the table wobbling. His fingers tightened on your hips, likely leaving behind angry red marks that would fade into reminders of him for days to come.

“That’s it, Princess.” He panted, his chest heaving as he tried to resist the pull of pleasure. “Don’t you think, not even for a second, that anyone can give you half of what I can.” You both knew this to be fact; nobody in the entire world could ever compare to him. “And why do you think that is?”

“‘C-cause I’m yours,” you managed to stutter out the response, watching him as the statement washed over. He brought his hand to your thigh, your legs wrapped tightly around you as he pulled you back on him with every thrust. His head fell back on his shoulders, the dim light of the room casting a beautiful hue over his already breathtaking features.

“That’s right,” he grunted, slamming his hips forward again. There was a thin layer of sweat sheen on his chest, the toned muscles of his abdomen flexing every time he moved. The exposed columns of his neck made your mouth water, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed back his own groans of pleasure. “Was that why you were mouthing off? You just needed someone to take care of you? Just needed me to fuck you?”

“God, yes.” You moaned, feeling the pressure in your belly begin to reach a peak.

“You gonna cum for me, sweetheart? All over my cock?” He smiled, looking down at you so he could appreciate the view. “Come on now, making a fucking mess of it.”

“Fuck,” you whimpered, his words hitting you hard and causing the tightening knot in your belly to tense even further.

“That’s my pretty girl. Just like that.” He continued to encourage you, studying your expression as pleasure began to twist it.

It didn’t take much more for you to descend into another orgasm, your entire body quivering as you cried out for him, singing his name like a hymn and he was the god in which you prayed to. Your throat was raw, raspy from the constant string of moans passing your lips. You were tired, almost too fucked out to continue on, but he was having none of it. He didn’t slow his pace as you came down from the high, instead speeding up and ensuring that he pulled your entire body down on him as he fucked into you.

“Freddie, please.” You breathed, feeling the threat of overstimulation begin to creep in. He would have had sympathy had he known you couldn’t take it, but he was confident in your ability to keep up with him.

“What’s wrong, Princess? Wanted it so bad and now you can’t handle it?” He asked, his eyes glazed over with lust as he felt himself approaching his own orgasm. You frowned at his words, now on a quest to prove your own point as you tried to ignore the stinging beginning to set in.

“I can t-take it.” You huffed, a shiver running down your spine as he reached upwards and palmed your breast. He gave the supple flesh a gentle squeeze, his eyes closing in bliss as he let himself slip out of the persona he had created.

“Being so good for me—just a bit longer now.” He whispered, his voice far away as his eyes settled over your face once more. “Bloody hell, Y/N.” he groaned, his forehead creasing as his eyebrows furrowed together. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He slipped his hand between your legs, his thumb landing atop your clit. He traced slow circles, knowing you were a bit further behind him and unwilling to climax without giving you at least one more. He could see how tired you were, but it did not deter him from his commitment to pleasing you.

“I love you, Fred.” You whispered, softened entirely by the sweet look in his eyes. All of his previous anger fled, leaving him just as the boy you’d fallen so hopelessly for.

“I love you, sweetheart.” He hummed, his hips stuttering and his stature faltering. “Give me one more, yeah? I know you can do it.” And he was right, your entire body was ablaze with another orgasm much more powerful than the last two.

“Together?” You gasped, reaching up and settling your palm on his cheek.

“Yeah? You want to cum with me?” He encouraged your train of thought. “Want me to fill that pretty cunt? Really show you who you belong to?”

“Fuck yes, please.” You cried, your fingertips tangling in the locks of hair hanging over his ears. Your walls clenched around him, drawing him in and effortlessly finishing what you had started.

You felt his hips stall, a low growl leaving his lips as he pulled you down on him one last time. He managed to whisper your name as he spilled his release into you, the feeling of him filling you completely sending you spiraling on your own accord. You let out a defeated sigh, the tail end of it turning into a whine as your body went rigid. Your nails scratched at the skin of his arm, your hand on him the only thing keeping you tied to earth instead of floating up and through the clouds.

The both of you rode the high together, euphoria infiltrating every nerve in both of your bodies as he leaned down towards you. Ever so gently, he laid his head on your chest, which was still heaving as you tried to catch up from the lack of oxygen. He placed a plethora of small kisses against the warm skin, his eyes fluttering closed as he appreciated the comfort that came with your company.

Silence hung heavy between you for a few moments, neither of you sure where to go from there. You were still strung out on bliss, barely remembering what got the two of you in the position until he spoke again.

“M’sorry, sweetheart.” His voice barely broke through the room, so timid and shy that you almost missed it completely. “I know you’d never do that. Just got in my head, I s’pose.”

“I… I get it.” You sighed, twisting a lock of his hair. “If I walked in on that, after us being so.. you know. I’d likely feel it too.” You confessed. “I was upset that we had to cancel dinner. I am upset, but not at you.” You tried your best to explain yourself despite exhaustion eating away at your mind. “I’m just upset because I miss you. You’re so busy now, and I’m happy for you, really, but I miss you too.”

“You think I was bloody happy about it?” Fred chuckled, the tip of his fingers tracing shapes into your skin. “I’d much rather be here, with you.” At that, you relaxed completely, understanding that you had gotten too far into your own head. “It’s my favorite place to be. Always has been.”

“Mine too, Fred.” You hummed, smiling softly at the thought.

“I reckon I was a bit jealous, ‘specially at the thought of you and George spending so much time with each other. Would rather it be me, you know, sitting at the shop and laughing with you all night… taking you out for dinner… loving you.” Another gentle kiss was placed to your chest, just before he looked up to meet your eyes. The soft, warm, familiar sight made you feel at ease. He was back to being your Fred, the one you missed all along.

“Darling, you have nothing to be jealous about.” You promised, smiling as he placed a quick peck on your lips. “Though, if it means we get to have brilliant sex like that, by all means do what you have to do.” You explained. “Bloody brilliant, at that.” Without any further words, the two of you descended into a fit of laughter and the clouds that previously hung above your head seemingly cleared in an instant, easily proving to him there was really never a need to worry at all.

[cursedcola]

Prompt: "Will You Marry Me?" - Proposal Headcannons Characters: Everyone :) Part(s): Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde(here!), Diasomnia(Pt.1)(Pt.2) Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Warning(s): The relationship is kinda toxic because it's Idia and I have to be realistic - but it gets better as you read. Just know that there are themes of miscommunication, self-sabotage, self-neglect, and insecurity in both Idia and the MC. I gave him some character growth at least and some maturation to the character. Note: All Ignihyde has is Idia so I gave his piece some extra love(super long. Like, this isn't even considered a headcannon set anymore. I really went overboard, I'm so sorry). Not proofread for grammar since I'm a bit lazy right now. Also, I haven't finished his chapter in game because I'm too weak (seriously wtf is up with these fights). I know the plot mostly but forgive me if there's an inaccuracy in a reference

Idia had it made during his youth - and deep down he knows it despite all his complaining. He knows that he won the introvert lottery. For three years he was able to live in a reclusive dorm room with no expectations beyond showing up to class (via a tablet of all things) and doing his work. Sure, he had to return home at some point and deal with that hot mess...but it was a displaced problem. One to be dealt with whenever. As a full-time 'student' he had junk food readily available, his brother down the hall, all the games and tech he needed, and somehow managed to land himself a loving partner despite his quirks.

The Ramshackle prefect - someone he initially wanted nothing to do with. Chaos seemed to follow their every move and Idia wanted no part of it. He never expected to come within a twenty-foot radius of them without force.

For the record, force indeed was used. Unfortunately they had a nasty habit of being nosy. Very 'main character complex' of them, if you ask him.

Yet it worked in his favor. Their stubbornness and intrusive ways wormed a place in his stone-cold heart. It fueled his ego much to everyone's chagrin. Out of everyone - princes, busy bodies, future doctors and the literal fish mafia - you picked him. The noob cursed to lose all his 50/50s and rot in bluelight. Idia seriously questions your tastes, but hey! He beat the normies and that's all he cares about.

Well, at least that's how he phrases it. Underneath that god-tier ego is an inferiority complex that he tries to keep down for your benefit. Something about your mood dipping by 20% when he talks trash? He'd need Ortho to run another test on that. Just to be safe.

Unfortunately, he still can't reign it in all the way. Victories can be temporary and who's he to say that your relationship isn't a one-shot story? Nothing worthwhile is ever that simple. Good games always get sequels...so the question lingers, will he still be a main character in yours?

When Idia graduates, he fully expects for you to walk out of his life. He returns to S.T.Y.X and leaves NRC to fulfill his role back home. You have no reason to care about him when he's no longer nearby. Life isn't like an isekai manga. You won't wait for him - no, you'll get a taste for how life is without him and indulge. Slowly you'll stop texting him, calling him, playing games with him - well, he'll do it first! He refuses to be the second male lead that gets dumped when you finally find your prince. That's for chumps.

He'd rather you just up and leave this world! At least then he wouldn't be in this pitiful situation...but he's seen that crow's shitty work ethic. You're stuck.

Idia's scared to say the least. One could say that his self sabotage was in action before your relationship even began. Old habits die hard, and no one could stop his spiral. Not even Ortho. Idia left his little brother behind as well. The boy sent him off with a smile, promising to take good care of you in his big brother's stead. After all, you both were in the same year.

It's not surprising that he reverts to his old ways. A hard battle is even more difficult to win when you don't have the motivation to fight it in the first place. Idia loses his drive...and in turn his already negative outlook grows worse.

Needless to say, Idia ... neglects you.

Your relationship has always been more of an 80:20 than a 50:50 - with him taking more than he ever gave. You always set aside time and made sure he was comfortable. You respected his anxieties and dealt with his temper on more than one occasion. His jealousy. You indulged his hobbies, always tried to include him in on activities with your friends (even though he rarely ever accepted), wore your heart on your sleeve and always took the lead. You were always too good to be true.

Two years. Two years with him at S.T.Y.X and you at NRC. Not a day passed where you did not text him or call. Not a week passed where you did not video-chat or play a game with him. You made time. You checked in. Told him stories about your life an friends. Ortho often would send him recordings and clips as well. During vacations you'd make plans to see him and always invited him to come to campus for events. Even though he never accepted, you still always offered. Throughout it all he kept you at a distance, yet unable to fully let you go at the same time. He needed you to do it. He needed his inner thoughts to shut up and to have someone else to blame.

You. You. You. When would you stop? Why weren't you tired of him yet? On a good day he can be frustrating, so how were you not mad when he was physically trying to make you hate him? Were you waiting until graduation to drop the bomb on him that you'd leave for good? On another's arm or back to your world?

Imagine his surprise when neither happened. On the dawn after Ortho's graduation ceremony, Idia came out of his cave to greet him at the S.T.Y.X entrance. He would no longer be as lonely, and perhaps without Ortho around, you'd finally put distance between yourself and the Shroud family. All would be as it should.

He did not expect to see you at the gate as well. Ortho flew up to him with a bright grin and twirl in the air - babbling on and on about how he arranged for you to come work as a research assistant in the lab. After all, you had an extensive knowledge of blot as well as field experience. It was a win-win situation for the company and your relationship! You could now be a happy family! Isn't that just amazing?

"It was extremally difficult to keep this a surprise!...Brother?" Ortho halts mid-rant, his receptors going haywire, "Brother, your heartrate has increased and your temperature is dropping below stable levels. You must regulate your breathing pattern!"

White noise rang like television static in Idia's eardrum. He watched you thank one of the guards while handing off your suitcase. His pulse increased and mind went under water. How long had it been since you were together longterm? You looked different. More mature. Meanwhile he was still the same - physically and emotionally. Still the pasty shut-in with dark eyebags and energy drinks running through his veins instead of blood. He wasn't used to seeing you in person. How should he react? Should he hug you? Do you want him to? That's weird. He hasn't held you in a while - yeah, it would be creepy. Does he even deserve to? What made you want to work here anyways?! You could have gone anywhere. ANYWHERE. - Shit. You're looking this way. What should he do?! aHH! You're walking over!

He does what he knows best. Shuts down. You receive a disgraceful greeting. No affection. Not even a smile.

Idia's brow furrows at your approach and he buries his hands deep into the pockets of his lab-coat. When you lean in to kiss his cheek, he catches you by the forearms and holds you in place. "Since when were you going to work here? You do remember what S.T.Y.X is in charge of, right? Once you're in, there's no going back. Are you a masochist or something?" Ah. There goes the heartfelt reunion. Being home did bring out a more harsh and cut-throat side of him after all.

Despite his poor treatment, you don't react upset. Now the relationship has now become something of a 90 : 10. He knows you have no reason to come here other than for Ortho and himself. You really are an Otome protagonist, jeez. Willing to do all that for him? Giving up your future and friends just to be at his side...dammit. Don't give him hopes! Don't undo all the work he's put in to survive without you! Stop welcoming misfortune for his sake! You're stupid. Stupidstupidstupid .... man he loves that stupidity. Gods he missed it.

Shit. Not even an hour in and he's reverting.

You don't realize it but you're heading straight for a bad ending. He does though. He's read the guides and played more visual novels than he can count. As a pro, he needs to steer you off this villainy ending and towards the true route.

After all ... what was that one saying? Heroes will sacrifice you for the world, while Villans will sacrifice the world for you? He heard it from some normie bookworm...but it seems fitting right now.

Idia's no hero. He'll destroy his world if it means you get to be happy. Not that he had much of one to begin with. You...gave him a life beyond fiction while all he's offered is a curse. Literally and figuratively. Its time he returned what he so greedily stole. He'll make you move on through force.

The months are slow and difficult. Despite being nearby, Idia only ever seeks you out for work-related reasons. Even then he is very cold and dismissive . He also does not turn you away when you take the initiative. Just like old times, you linger around his room and prod him for attention. He wants you to leave, but also doesn't want to be cruel. So, he maintains this impassive position and lets you do whatever you please. Yet the situation is scarily similar to how you both were at NRC. Except instead of using his past as an excuse, he now uses your work dynamic to enable his noncommittal ways.

There really is only so much one person can take. After Idia left NRC, you pinned his switch in behavior on the lifestyle change and distance separating you both. You knew Idia would be someone you had to work hard for when you started to date, and so the situation was one you viewed as an obstacle to overcome. The solution was simple - you would go to S.T.Y.X and prove to him that you were willing to make it work. Without the physical distance, you hoped that he would let you in again. That you wouldn't have to hear reassurances from his brother anymore, and instead hear his feelings from his own mouth instead. Then you both could work out the details together in time. Seeing him reject you at first was discouraging, but you did not let it rest there. Perhaps he needed time and to get used to your presence in his home. After all, these were new waters. You would be patient. You would prove yourself capable.

Life becomes a time capsule. As the days went by, a bitter feeling grew in your stomach. Why wouldn't he laugh? Why wouldn't he look in your eyes anymore? Why is he retreating even further? What were you doing wrong? How could you fix it? Is it you? Your performance in the lab is outstanding according to your supervisors, and your work friends seem to find you agreeable enough. Can't he see that you've adjusted well and are happy here? There's nothing to worry about. How else can you prove yourself?

These thoughts plague your mind to an extend that Ortho felt the need to preform psychiatric evaluation. You dismissed his concerns with a long list of things about your new home that make you happy - including him. It pacifies his panic and somehow mitigates your own as well.

Until one fateful day, when you decided to take your lunch early and overheard a conversation between two senior S.T.Y.X employees

"Isn't the boss' partner kind of pitiful?" One technician spoke in a hush whisper, taking a bite from her salad, "He doesn't give them the time of day. I can't believe they've stuck around this long. Screw the job, I would have been out after the first week," "Shhh! Quit gossiping, it's bad. Especially about the one who pays our bills," The other scolds. "I know....but isn't it just sad. They're clearly being taken advantage of. I can't help but feel sorry" "It's not just you...to tell the truth, I had no clue Director Idia had a partner up until recently. If anything, I thought he disliked Assistant MC and kept them around for Director Ortho's sake. Imagine my shock..." They both snicker at the notion. "Yeah. I give them a few more months...maybe a year. Despite being smart in the lab, they clearly can't read the room:

It was the last straw. Like ice water being dunked over your head after a hot shower. The lunch pale in your grasp suddenly felt like it weighed ten times heavier, and a cold sweat dripped down your back. They were right. He didn't want you here. It was time to move on or else you'll just be living out an endless loop. Nothing has changed since your youth aside from the location. No matter how long you wait, no matter how much effort and time you offer ... the relationship is doomed to fail. You gave him everything...and it was time to stop waiting. To stop expecting and hoping. Time to accept reality.

Your lunch goes discarded in a nearby bin and your shift abandoned. You would not work another second for S.T.Y.X despite the facility not being the source of your anguish. Your shoes clack loudly against the tile flooring as you speed-walk to Idia's office, where he was lazily reviewing data on a recent experiment. His phone set off to the side with some automated gatcha daily playing.

You use your 'special' pass (curtesy of ortho) to get in. The metal door swings out as you march inside and turn off his screen without asking.

"H-h'-hey! What are you-" He shrieks and turns in his chair. "We need to talk" "Can't it wait until later? I'm busy working, if you can't tell" "No" Your tone is demanding. Definite. You all but yank the badge from around your neck and drop it in his lap. In that motion, he knew. Your eyes scrunch tight and teeth grind together. He was prepared for this. For you to lash out and yell at him for your suffering. Make him the bad guy in your story and finally beat the game for good. Not for you to deflate. Not for the glassy, disappointed stain on your eyes. Or the shallow breaths as you calm yourself - not letting your emotions frighten him like a spooked cat. "I'm quitting," "S.T.Y.X? You know you can't just quit. There's a process," He refutes, lazily pushing his chair back with an anxious fidget. "Not just S.T.Y.X...I'm quitting us. I can't do this anymore," "Oh. Alright. Let me get the paperwork," "Alright?" You whisper, gaping at him "...just alright? That's all you have to say to me? Not even 'why' ?" He pauses typing on a holographic keyboard, cocking an eyebrow at the question. "What? You want me to beg you to stay or something like that? We're not in an anime," His words die out at the end, and had it not been for your disbelief you would have caught the note of sadness in them, "you want to go? Then go. I warned you about this place" "No...you warned me about the facility. It's not the facility I have a problem with. I actually like it here" "So it's me then, huh? I warned you about that too," He grumbles and continues to type, "I'm not whatever it is that you saw in me. It's your fault for sticking it out this long. I knew this was how it would end from the start" A silence follows aside from the occasional noise from his computer. That's it. The nail in the coffin. You finally realized the truth. He was no good for you. He couldn't be 'fixed'. With an approving chime, he finally has all the departure paperwork pulled up for you to sign. "Alright. Sign these and I'll get you an escort," He holds out a tablet in pen without looking from his computer. You don't take it. "Hello? I said - " he turns to face you, irritated "....here" Silent tears stream down your cheeks and pool at the tip of your chin, dripping to the tile below. Wide eyes lock in his general direction. Your hands tremble slightly at your sides, as if your mind was thousands of miles away. His heart breaks. "You never even gave us a chance, did you?" He says nothing. "It wasn't about 'making it work' for you. It was always a matter of 'how long'. You've been waiting for me to leave you, all this time?" It wasn't a question. "All this time, I've been trying to prove myself. I've been thinking that I did something wrong...that I needed to be better" the word stings your tongue and seems to strike him, " but I was never even close to enough" we were never enough

With languid movements, you take the pen from him and sign the papers. You would not hide your sadness. Your grief. Your pain for a relationship that was never actually one. For a battle that only had one party fighting.

He lets you go, the metal door swinging shut and rattling him to his core. Idia's hands shake as he tries to return to his work. They tremble over the holographic keyboard, making his blue nails look like moving neon streaks in the air.

He had always thought you ere just being kind. That your self-sacrificing nature was natural, and that someone else was more deserving of it. He failed to consider the possibility that all the things you did...you did for him alone. You did out of the same anxieties and fears he felt.

In a way, you both were at fault. He led himself down a self-fulfilling prophecy - letting his anxieties and what-ifs become reality. And you? You thought everything could be fixed with time. With sacrifice. That eventually he would grow. You both were plants, one overwatered and the other left parched in the sun.

He did get one thing right. This was defiantly a bad end. Just not in the way he originally believed...

Somehow, life becomes worse than before you arrived at S.T.Y.X. At least when you were around, people did see him more out of his office or room. Seeing him revert to his previous ways without so much as an inkling of sadness for losing you....yeah, it did not look good. Worse than people not even knowing you were his partner at first. After your departure, rumors began to spread that you had finally snapped. The pity felt for you morphed into judgement towards his character. Others saw him as a heartless recluse, and the pity was extended to Ortho of all things. If Idia could toss out a loyal partner of years, what about the little robot? Perhaps despite all the gossip, the others at S.T.Y.X did not fully believe that he would let you leave so easily. That he wasn't as detached as the Shroud name dictates.

Little do they know that he's become a shadow of his former self. He can't even act self-depreciative. Pleasantries don't hit like they used to. Having you at a distance...well, was still considered as being with you. Now that you're never coming back, it's harder. Everything reminds him of you. Your favorite snacks are still stocked in the cafeteria, and there are blankets in his room that still have your scent. Occasionally a file will pop up with your work in it while he's doing reviews...and then there's Ortho. When you left, he was crushed. He pestered Idia for days - the security cameras giving him full knowledge of what happened. Yet no matter what the robot said about the situation, Idia didn't want to hear it. Eventually he took away Ortho's access data to his personal spaces.

That didn't stop the bot from talking through the door and spamming his brother's inboxes. Despite cutting off contact with his big brother, you still spoke to Ortho regularly. He refused to let his big brother lose all connection to you, and updated him on your well-being. Regardless of what Idia said, hearing about you made a difference. At first it increases his anxiety and drops his mood...but every time, like a scheduled delay, his serotonin levels will spike. Be it from a clip of your voice, a picture, or even just the mention of your name.

"Brother! I just finished a call with MC. Today they decided to adopt a cat! Would you like to see a picture?" His computer beeps with an incoming missive. Idia clicks it, and the screen displays a photo of you with a small white kitten in your arms. "They've decided to name it Grimm Jr. From what I heard, the predecessor was not pleased to be 'replaced,' as he calls it" Ortho laughs from the other side of the door, but Idia is too focused on the image on his screen. The curve in your smile and the way you gently cradle the kitten. You seem...happy. Much better than how he is doing. He fails to hear the door beep, granting access, neither the bot fly up next to him to look at the picture. "Big brother, why don't you apologize to MC? They would listen," Idia startles, clutching his chest as his hair flairs cherry red for a brief moment. He swivels in his chair and closes the image quickly. "I'm not apologizing for nothing. It's not like I miss them or anything. My life's great without having a normie relationship to manage" "Your body language suggests that you are lying" Ortho states, his eyes squinting cheekily. Idia hunches over, glaring at his keyboard and fiddling with his sleeves, "It's not like they'd want to see me anyways. I blew it. Only an idiot would forgive what I did," "That's not true! MC loves you!" Idia glares at him from the corner of his eye, "Yeah? They look pretty happy without me. They were miserable here" "Because you purposefully made them miserable! You are very smart brother, but even I understand emotions better than you and I am an artificial lifeform!" "Then what should I do, Ortho? Go beg them to take me back like some cringe sitcom?!" "Yes!" Idia blanches at the thought, but doesn't entirely dismiss it. Ortho glares holes into his head, causing Idia to shrink into his chair. "You are always afraid, brother. You lost them to your fears once...do you want to regret that? Are you really satisfied with pictures and stories? Why deny yourself wonderful things! We are not trapped anymore!"

Ortho leaves him with one piece of information - an apartment address. He sends it to all of Idia's emails and even somehow makes it the background of his tablet. He can't change it or take it off.

He stares at it long and hard. Searches the place up and even uses virtual reality to scope out the building. While perhaps a bit creepy...he hacks the security cameras and watches feed of you coming and going over the past moths. Some days you look perfectly well, and others you look worse for wear. If he went...would you even want to see him? Would you let him in? Kick him out? Is he willing to even try? What if you already moved on...no, Ortho wouldn't set him up for that if he knew you were happy with someone else.

Idia leaves S.T.Y.X for the first time in months. His request for leave shocks other employees. Yet he's gone the moment it's approved, afraid that he'll lose his edge if he thinks too long on it.

He finds himself at the door of a middle-class apartment in the Kingdom of Roses. Second floor, third door to the left, just like he memorized. He knows its yours from the ribbons tied on the doorknob, themed after one of your favorite animes. One he introduced to you...

In his hands is a small box of candies - a peace offering, just in case you want to kill him on sight.

His boney knuckles wrap around the doorknocker and thwack it three times. Sweat pools in his palms and he jolts away. The seconds like hours as his painted nails dig crescents into his palms. The door opens. "Hi, how can I -" You pause mid-sentence, your mouth going dry. Grimm Jr. snuggled in one of your arms while the other holds the door open, "I-idia?" "T-that's my name," He grimaces, looking anywhere but at you. "What are you doing here?" His tongue feels heavy and the tips of his hair fade to a pale orange. He studders and fumbles with the box of candies, holding them out to you with a grimace. "I wanted to see you...urk. I hope that's not weird! Can ... I come in?" You eye the box in thought, before reaching out to take it and opening the door further. It was a start.

You hear him out - through the stuttering and the self-depreciative comments that he hastily retracts. This isn't just about him. It's about you and everything else in-between. Shockingly enough, you agree to give him a second chance. It wasn't entirely his fault after all ... and you did still love him. Although now there are ground rules. You would not be returning to S.T.Y.X. You've finally created a stable home for yourself and have a life in this new city. You have a career, friends, and a life that doesn't include him. You need the individuality. You would no longer try to morph yourself for him or be placid. If he wanted to spend time with you, he would have to leave S.T.Y.X and come stay at your apartment. You would no longer be the one always reaching out, he would have to start showing initiative and making time for you. You would see how things progress from that point. He was not a child, and you would not beg for basic needs to be met anymore. Words would not be enough, you need actions. It was time for 50 : 50.

Weirdly enough, he agrees to all your rules without a single complaint. Not a normie comment or slang filled statement leaves his lips. He's still that nerdy dork you fell in love with at heart, but these 'normie' things? Well, Idia's accepted that he wants those things. As much as it is difficult for him to admit, they only grossed him out so much before because he always believed they were unattainable

He's true to his word. He calls you every day, first thing when he wakes up (in the late afternoon. He still is a hermit at heart). At first it made him anxious, and he'd hover over the contact for fifteen minutes before dialing. Yet it soon became easy, with his heart only beating fast from happiness. He takes the weekends off and comes to spend them at your apartments. Sometimes he brings Ortho and it becomes a sleepover with games - and at some point you start inviting your other heartslabyul friends from back in the day too. Eventually you do come around the compound again. It's awkward to say the least, considering how you left. Yet at the same time, it's a breath of fresh air. The others are shocked to see him out of his office, and he eats IN THE CAFETERIA. Woah. He calls you by your name and not 'assistant' when in public. Homie scares some people. That's what he does. He gives you a special watch for your anniversary. It's paired with on he has and solar powered, so you can contact him at any time. As a natural born worry-wart, he can't help but worry for your safety. Since watching the appartment CCTV is 'creepy,' he just asks that you wear the watch if you're going out anywhere. It won't die and with the click of a button he'll be alerted. In exchange, you can use it to contact him whenever you want. He'll always get back instantly since it might be an emergency. The watch is also directly linked to Ortho's system, so you can contact him as well. Who needs Cortana when you have Ortho?

For the first time, Idia feels secure in a relationship. He can't count Ortho since the boy is technically his creation. Ortho would always be there...and now? Idia's confident you will too.

Does that mean you should get married? Isn't that the next step in all this?

Well....shit (pleasant connotation)

He never would have tinkered with this idea before considering his 'family'. Who the hell in their right mind would marry a Shroud? A fool. Are you a fool? Maybe.

It's late evening on a Sunday night when you're both walking home together after hitting up a local diner for hearty eats. Wow. Look at him. On a date. So weird...pshh.

Idia walks at your side, forcing his pace to match yours. Not everyone is graced with his long stickman legs. His hands are buried deep in his hoodie and his posture is slightly slouched. Classic scary dog privilege for a nighttime walk - well, if his hair didn't scream valentine's day pink to the world. Although no one else has flaming hair other than the Shroud family, so he doubts anyone would interrupt.

You decide to take the long path home and through a nearby park. The night was still young for nightowls such as yourselves, and fresh air was always crisp at this hour.

Along that path you decide to stop at a cement bench by some vending machines and chill out for a bit. Despite having just ate, Idia gets you each a can of coffee.

He'd be leaving to go back to S.T.Y.X tomorrow. Like he does every Sunday. His gaze drifts to the watch on your wrist and thinks about adding some new features - maybe video chat? So he can see you throughout the day. He wonders what you'll be up to while he's stuck in the lab. Maybe you'll go shopping, or play a new game. Maybe you'll try out a new recipe or take Grimm Jr. out to play. He wishes he could see you during the week.

Ah. You're talking. He should probably tune in or you'll get mad at him. Why's it so hard to focus? He hasn't felt this uneasy in a while...

Why is he having these kinds of thoughts? It's weird.

"You okay? You seem a little spaced," You pull him from his thoughts, a concerned crease wrinkling your temple. "Eh. It's nothing. Just not looking forward to the week," he chuckles weakly. "I know that feeling. It's always a bummer when you dip. Not to sound clingy or anything" His golden hues spark for a moment, a pale pink dusting his cheeks as he whips his head to look at you.

"W-wait - really? I was just thinking the same thing...." "You were?" "Yeah. It's...kind of weird without you. Everything's emptier. Wow. That was pretty cringe. Sorry." He grimaces, internally screaming and knowing that this was going to replay when he tried to sleep later. You tilt your head at him, a slight frown on the cusp of your lip. Something tickles at his fingers and he looks down to see you lace your hand with his. "I miss you too," your words are soft. Genuine. He feels his neck grow hot, the pink glow radiating off him betraying him. Idia looks between your interlaced fingers and the drink in his hand. There...wouldn't ever be a 'right' time for this. Would there? You've waited long enough. He pulls his hand away and pops the soda tab off with deft hands.

"Hey..." he twiddles with the soda tab in his hands, "on a scale of 1-10, how are my odds of getting a yes?" "A 'yes' to what?" "To this, " he sighs through his nose, holding the tab out towards you with a shaking hand, "will you marry me?"

{A soda tab from canned coffee. Not the most charming offering, and it barely fits around your pinky finger. Yet, Idia's always been impulsive at his core. Had he not acted in the moment, he likely would have ran countless possibilities over and over in his mind. While not your forever ring, the tab will remain a sentimental piece}

{Idia is not a man with a keen eye fore jewelry - but he knows quality. Combine his eye for perfection with his craftsmanship and behold - a ring made from purified blot. The center gem is a piece of magestone in it's most refined state. The band is titanium and there are small sapphires along the molding. Since he would be wearing a matching band, Idia decided to keep the design simple. He prefers functionality over all. Yet he does want you to feel proud of his handiwork, so he includes vintage molding on your band only. He wears a smooth black band on his ring finger, and never removes it}

[dufferpuffer]

Just read your post about Tonks. Tonks surely was a student of Snape's. Just imagine. Tonks. In Potions. With Snape. Tonks, canonically the clumsiest character of the entire series. Potions. The SUBTLE science and EXACT art of potion-making. NO foolish wand-waving or silly incantations. Tonks is not subtle and exact. Tonks is foolish and silly. And that, to Snape, is INFURIATING. However, Tonks is an Auror. This means Tonks succeeded in getting an Outstanding O.W.L in Potions. This means Tonks took Potions N.E.W.T. This means Snape was probably hoping and praying he would never see her face again after her 5th year but SURPRISE. The girl is SMART and Snape is, unfortunately for him, a fair grader (yes he is idc what people say). I want to see this. I want to see Tonks being an absolute clumsy mess in Potions and Snape being livid but at the same time frustrated because he knows she has potential but she's just not careful and she's witty and talks back and he can't just truly hate her. THIS brings me to the scene in HBP where Tonks brings Harry to the gates after he got knocked out by Malfoy on the train. She sends a Patronous inside the school to get the gates opened. Snape comes and tells her that he noticed her Patronus had changed (now a wolf so cute omg). Therefore, Snape remembers her Patronus from before, but it's like he catches himself and makes a sly remark about her new Patronus being weak because it's a wolf. Like a father disapproving of his daughter's choices for falling in love with a mangy werewolf (love you Remus). Idk I loved that scene because it hints that they have a bit more history together than we think. It could also just be from both being part of the order, but I feel there is a bit more. What do you think dear tumblr friend?

I think she and Snape were buddies. As much 'buddies' as Snape can manage with a student, anyway.

There is a reason Tonks stomachs Moody so well - and its because she's had A LOT of practice with grumpy hard asses. She takes biting comments well, she isn't ever afraid to dish humor back, she knows well when to take things seriously and when to help lighten the mood - handy for people who can't relax easily.

She trained those teeth on Snape, I guarantee it. She LIKES bastards. She enjoys making people happy, she enjoys exceeding expectations, she likes proving herself reliable - and bastards are the hardest to please. She doesn't see blemishes or ugliness or scars - just the person. She likes making them smile.

She's clumsy. She's a disaster. He can't ignore her no matter how much he might want to sometimes - because she might die... ...and yet, her skill is obvious. She pulls through when she needs to. I like to think Potions might have been one of her worst subjects - but she worked hard at it, and enjoyed it, and asked questions.

Not just "Did I chop the Mudwort root thin enough, Sir?" But "Ey, Prof - if this potion utilities the healing properties within the cells of the root, shouldn't we be grinding it rather than slicing it...?" You know. She's actually invested, deeply learning about the topic, willing to experiment. Making him answer with thought. "...No, breaking the cell wall makes it burn away too quickly. We slice thinly to ensure good, even absorption."

And then her cauldron explodes later anyway because she accidentally tipped some leaves in with the slices. Oops. BUT... she will stay behind to fix it. She will ask to practice when she has free time. She isn't talented, nor careful - but its hard not to appreciate her enthusiasm and her dedication to success. He spent a lot of time with her. Being able to mark her a genuine "O" in her NEWTs was one of his proudest moments as a teacher.

Perhaps it's part of why Hermione annoys him so much, too - she appeared like an interested student on the surface, having read her books... but she never stepped the fuck up. She never tried. She never pushed it. She never used her brain. An insufferable know-it-all is ONLY better than a complete dunderhead in that they're safer to have in the classroom. But she doesn't encourage other students learning, she doesn't push herself, she doesn't actually care about the topic... just getting everything right, to prove she is smart or whatever.

Same with Neville: A clumsy oaf that seems to do nothing at all to mitigate that fact. barely even stays behind to clean his own messes. They say Longbottom is 'frightened of him' - well he isn't there to coddle him. He never needed to coddle Tonks. She took his bite as a challenge to do better and soared because of it. She was an oafish moron... but a rare gem.

...And then she started dating FUCKING LUPIN The first thing he said when she was so obviously showing interest it made him feel ill was "...You know he is a werewolf, yes?" And when she responded "Yeah, duh - what of it?" He groaned "Of course... you've never had any common sense..." And the look he snapped at her when she cheekily said "...Gave you hell at school, too - didn't he?"

Tonks teased him. Of course she did. There were days when he walked into class to see she had turned into a foolish version of him... But she knew how to hold back. She is a highly empathetic woman. Even when she was young... the few times she sensed perhaps she went too far: She was mature enough to apologize. Sensitive enough to realize he would not want such apology in front of others, either - and wait till after class to hang her head. It was difficult to stay mad at her. She was just too damn earnest.

In many ways: She reminded him of Lily. Firey, obsessed with magic, popular, friendly - brightened up every room she entered. Seemingly cared about everyone. Even him. It was just... pleasant. Familiar. She was a very different person, of course - but interacting with her felt a little like home. Perhaps a few times a little piece of him slipped out to her - something more juvenile and playful than he has been for years.

...That's what I think, tumblr friend B^) I think its a good thing they didn't find out eachother had died. They would have been distraught for eachother.

But if they both lived...? I think she could have been the thing that healed Snape and Lupins relationship. They both care for her - and can at least be civil with eachother for her sake.

Imagine: post-war family BBQ's with Snape and Lupin arguing over how to cook. Lupin wants to prove himself handy but Snape knows he's fucking useless. (Tonks is the true BBQ dad.) Snape babysitting Teddy. He'd be such a good uncle.

EDIT: Remus and Tonks were BOTH awful at potions. Tonks at least became competent through sheer effort - but they still both go to beg him for help when they need anything. I think Lupin/Tonks/Snape would be fun :^)

[honeylations]

Hii would you be open to more Karina x reader fics? Im on that Karina drought and feel like I’ve read every single wlw fic out there

-🩵

Of courseeee😚

YU JIMIN (KARINA) x FEM!READER

Prompt: Your boss went on a 2 month long business trip and he trusts you with taking care of his wife while he’s gone

Warnings/Notes: G!P reader, cheating, mommy kink, oral, age gap (reader is younger), masturbation

———

Growing up, you always had an interest in gardening thanks to your grandma and it grew stronger the moment you read more books and watched plenty of documentaries. Not only did you decide to take Horticulture as a degree in university but you were lucky enough to get a part time job as a gardener for a rich business couple.

Hwang Hyunjin was a kind and hard working man, always greeting you warmly to his mansion, buying you the necessary gardening equipment needed, and even holding nice conversations when he wasn’t too busy.

His wife, Karina, was just as kind. She’d pack Mr Hwang a good lunch for work while also making him a nice breakfast every morning to give the energy needed for the day.

You were currently removing weeds from Mr Hwang’s garden, trying not to let the hot sun slow you down from the many other tasks needed to be done. You turned your head and saw your boss walking out the mansion with a few other men tailing behind while holding luggage bags.

“Off to another business trip Mr Hwang?” You asked with a smile, Hyunjin happily smiling back.

“That’s right, Y/n. Unfortunately for two months this time. I trust you’ll take care of this garden while I’m away”

“I won’t let you down, sir” You saluted.

“You’re more than welcome to stay over and use our guest room. I can hire someone to drop you to your lectures if you’d like”

“That’s so sweet of you, Mr Hwang. I’d appreciate that a lot”

Hyunjin nodded before putting his sunglasses on. “Take care of my wife too please”

“I’ll do my best” You bowed and watched him leave in his limo before continuing your work on the garden.

Karina sighed with relief when she saw her husband leave, finally getting the alone time she needed. Her eyes suddenly landed on your well built body dressed in a black shirt and jeans.

She remembered how strong the butterflies were when you first stepped into the mansion, Hyunjin introducing you as the new gardener since both were too busy to take care of their flowers and plants. Your bright smile, outgoing personality, and passion for plants had just made you so attractive to the older woman.

At first she felt guilty.

Guilty for feeling such attraction to someone younger when she was already happily married. Yeah, happily married until she found out her husband was going on these business trips as an excuse to sleep with one of his co workers. She saw it all when she saw message notifications from the mistress, and the secret lunch dates they had which Giselle took photos of and sent it to Karina.

An idea popped into her head. If Hyunjin was out here carelessly slipping his dick into other bitches, who was he to stop Karina from playing the same type of game? She smirked to herself before walking out the mansion to where you were still working.

She was wearing a short silk robe, her hair nicely curled and just light makeup on her face. “Good morning Y/n”

You stood up from your squatting position and bowed at the older woman. “Good morning Mrs Hwang! Lovely weather today, isn’t it?”

Karina wanted to gag from the name but your smile was making her mood better. “It definitely is. Listen, I want to thank you so much for taking care of our garden, we really appreciate it”

“It’s no worries at all, Mrs Hwang. Just doing what I love”

“How about spending the rest of the day getting to know each other? I believe you deserve a good break”

“Oh that sounds lovely but there’s so much tasks to do” You politely declined but Karina wasn’t going to back down.

“It’s okay, trust me. As your boss’ wife, I want you to take the day off from gardening. It’s my way of thanking you”

Of course, you couldn’t disobey orders from your boss’ wife. “If you insist, Mrs Hwang”

“Please, call me Karina, darling” She winked, letting you follow her inside the mansion.

“I don’t think you wanna be spending the day in those dirty clothes, dear. Go upstairs and take a shower, you can borrow Hyunjin’s clothes. I’m sure he won’t mind”

Nodding, Karina led you to the huge bathroom and you took a nice hot shower before grabbing a few clothes from your boss’ closet. You returned downstairs after blow drying your hair and Karina felt herself grow wetter at the sight of you in a white shirt and grey sweatpants. She could even see the print of your dick, making her wonder just how big you were without all the clothing.

“Comfy?”

“Yes I am, thank you Mrs Hwa- I mean Karina!” Your face went red at the small mistake that got Karina chuckling.

She stood up and grabbed you by the collar before pushing you down on the couch, straddling your lap. “I’m gonna cut to the chase, Y/n. I know my husband is cheating on me with some other whore and I know my time is worth better than to cry about it”

“Mr Hwang is-wait what?”

“You’re cute, Y/n. Hot even. Everything about you just makes me want you so bad” Karina whispered in your ear.

“Y-You want me?” The tips of your ears went red.

“Please tell me you want me too, baby. Make me feel all better. Can you do that?” She started to move her hips against your crotch, smiling at the feeling of your hard cock.

Everything felt so wrong but Karina’s clothed pussy drenching your stiffening dick felt so good. Your hands were resting on her hips and you wanted nothing else other than destroying her on the couch. There was no denying that you do think about her when you’re in your bedroom, jerking off the entire night until your hand got sore.

“I-I wanna push you away b-but…at the same time I don’t” You said breathlessly.

Karina started to whimper. “Don’t. Please, I know you’ll fill me up better than my stupid cheating husband”

Right. Hyunjin was cheating on this fine ass woman that was currently begging for your cock. It was a fair game after all.

That thought was enough to make you give in. You pushed your lips against the older’s, having a rough tongue battle while bucking your hips. Karina pulled her lips away just to throw her head back, the movement caused her silk robe to slip off her shoulders and her huge breast were in display.

“Come on cutie, I know you want to suck them. You deserve it” She smiled down at you.

You licked your lips before diving right in to her chest, savouring the left breast like it was your last meal and then doing the same to the other. Karina was squealing at your warm tongue, imagining how great it would feel in her cunt instead.

Just before she could give you a praise, you stood up and quickly went to the guest room where you practically threw Karina on the bed. “Didn’t think you had that confidence in you” She chuckled before you went back to devouring her breast.

“Need you to use that tongue on my pussy, baby. I’m getting impatient now” Karina pouted.

You sat up to remove all your clothes as Karina easily removed her robe, both of you left bare in a matter of seconds. The older woman couldn’t help but stare at your cock, mesmerised at the sight of you slowly stroking it. “Holy fuck you’re huge. Must’ve pleased so many women with that” Karina purred while two of her fingers rubbed at her clit.

“And I’m about to please another” You responded with a cocky smile.

Karina spread her legs wide to present more of her glistening sex, still circling her puffy nub and motioning for you to come closer. “Eat my pussy good, baby. Don’t wanna disappoint mommy, do ya?”

The name made your breath hitch but you nodded. “N-No mommy, want to make you feel good”. You crawled over and held her thighs before giving long licks from her entrance to her clit.

Karina threw her head back with a breathless low moan, a hand automatically grabbing onto your long hair. You wasted no time in pushing your long wet muscle inside, already sending the older into pure bliss.

“O-Oh my god, oh my god yes Y/n!”

Humming in satisfaction, you moved your tongue faster, having to force Karina’s legs wider so you could push yourself into deeper.

“Please please don’t stop, baby! You’re making mommy feel so…fucking good!” Karina cried as her hips bucked into your drenched face, wanting impossibly more.

“Yeah just like that~ Gonna cum quickly, baby. You want that? Want mommy to cum all over that fucking good tongue of yours hm?”

Obviously not being able to verbally respond, you shook your head and hummed, keeping your rough pace as Karina’s legs started to shake. With one hand tangled in your hair, the other moved to harshly rub at her neglected clit, multiplying the pleasure by 100.

“Oh god, fuck I’m cumming! Gonna cum on that pretty face!” Karina said with a final scream, her eyes rolling back with pure ecstasy as she released her juices.

You were startled at the sudden blow to the face but you were quick to clean it all up until she was clean. You slowly moved up to face Karina and she couldn’t help but tiredly smile at your drenched mouth, pulling you in to connect your lips once more.

“You made mommy so proud, darling. So so proud” she kept pecking your lips. She felt some movement below her and when she looked down, her leaking cunt started to clench around nothing.

You were shamelessly jerking off while your lips travelled around her neck, leaving bites and hickies that you knew were going to last for weeks. You were groaning and grunting into her ear, Karina’s eyes rolling back as her hands pinched at your nipples, giving them a good squeeze.

“M-Mommy, my cock hurts. Need it inside your pussy please” You panted like a dog in rut, humping into your hand but it wasn’t enough.

“Go on then, baby. Fill me up good” She whispered.

Thanking the heavens, you aligned your tip at her hole and slowly pushed in, giving a gasp at how tight she was. “H-How are you so tight?”

Karina clawed at your forearms, clearly not used to taking something so big up her pussy before. “Y-You’re just too big”

You managed to push yourself all the way in without breaking her and you noticed the discomfort in the older’s face so you placed soft kisses around it. One hand holding underneath her thigh and you used the other to brush her hair out of her face, kissing her tears away. “I’m sorry, does it hurt?”

Karina weakly nodded.

“Sorry mommy. It’ll stop hurting soon, okay?”

Karina’s goal of not falling for you was starting to become more difficult. Sure Hyunjin was sweet in bed, but he couldn’t compare to just how gentle you were right now. She felt so safe and she was willing to throw all her trust in you.

“I’m gonna start moving now. Tell me to stop if it’s too much” You smiled before slowly pulling out and then pushing back in again.

The older woman felt like she was a virgin all over again with the way this was playing out. You were ripping her in half but it felt so good after a few more thrusts. Her nails drew red lines across your back and her legs wrapped around your hips.

“Oh Y/n…”

“Mmm, mommy”

“Please, faster”

Your hips automatically started to jerk faster and you felt your arms starting to ache so you laid your upper body down so your tits were touching Karina’s. Your arms moved from her thighs to her lower back, practically hugging her while you thrusted at a harsh speed, the sound of your skins slapping were echoing off the walls.

“F-Fuck! Yes please just like that, baby!”

You were growling into her ear, mumbling fast sentences on how her cunt felt so good around your cock, wanting her to take it like a slut, saying how she likes your cock better than her cheating husbands.

“Mommy…mommy’s cunt is so good. Gonna shape it to my cock so it’s the only thing you can take. Would you like that mommy?” You panted with a cocky smile.

Karina nodded with tears streaming down her face. “Uh huh. Only want your cock”

“S-So close mommy! C-Can I cum inside you?”

“Yes yes cum inside! Don’t waste a single drop” She cried, playing with her own tits to fasten the pleasure.

“Gonna fucking fill you up so good, mommy” You whined, releasing an aggressive groan into her neck before exploding your gunk of cum inside.

Karina came at the same time, milking the hell out of your still spurting cock. Being so full, her own juices managed to escape and make a dripping line down to your balls.

You relaxed on top of her, enjoying the feeling of her fingers thread through your hair out of comfort despite being completely fucked out. “God, that was amazing” She exhaled with a laugh.

“Sorry, I should’ve used a condom”

“Don’t be sorry. I take the pill anyways”

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” You sat up and pulled out, a little bit of your mixed cum falling out her entrance but she was quick to swipe it up with her finger and suck it.

“At the start it did. Felt like a virgin again”

“I’m glad I made you feel good, Karina. That was probably the best sex I’ve ever had” You smiled before carrying her bridal style. “Let me take care of you”

Karina could only nod while feeling lost in your beautiful eyes. She was sure she had fallen way too hard for you.

But this time, she wasn’t gonna push that feeling away.

[or0ch1maru]

Could you write an angst to fluff fic where mihawks wife gets injured and maybe he's like depended on her and now he has to manage while she is maybe in a comatose state with a happy ending

hiii babes :3

I would just like to start this by thanking all of who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. My day at work was great, and I gifted myself 2 pairs of hello kitty sneakers ^.^

Warnings: none

Let’s get into it🫵🏻

•

-you and Mihawk met a few years back. Running into each other after being set after the same bounty. And neither of you have looked back since.

-married life has been great, your husband being the absolute best man. Treating you with such care, love, and respect.

-both of you sharing the household duties, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc.

-Mihawk always called you his sunshine, as no matter what, you always brought light into his heart. Which, over time, caused him to be more and more open about his past, and, his feelings

-which many would say is rare. No one living long enough to see any other type of reaction from him besides his usual stoicism

-but you, you got it all and a part of him knew he’d become dependent on your love that he’s not really sure to handle the situation he finds himself in currently

-both of you got called to handle a rather ‘difficult’ bounty as the marines put it. And things were going well until your opponent got the upper hand on you

-causing you to miss calculate your neck move and resulting in you being in a comatose state.

-Mihawk’s private doctor said you’ll come out of it, it just depends on when. He unfortunately wasn’t sure. It was a waiting game

-you had your own private room set up in the castle, being hooked up to this and that. A nurse would come by everyday to check in on you and handle a few things

-Mihawk would stand in the doorway every time like clock work. Watching as she tends to you

-it’s only at night, when it’s just you and him that he sits in the chair beside your bed and talks to you. He’s unsure if you can hear him but he doesn’t care. He speaks all his worries, about how much he misses and needs you. Scared that he won’t be able to do this much longer without you

-explaining that he’d wait as long as you need for you to come out of this. As long as he gets to hear your voice, witness your smile, be able to feel you touch and hug him back

-during the day, he keeps himself busy. Cleaning, reading, paperwork, more reading, going into town to shop, buying things for you, anything to keep his mind preoccupied

-he has good days and bad, most of them blending together

-poor guy has used dissociating to get through most of this as he truly doesn’t know how to come to terms without you

-the castle is too quiet, he misses hearing your sweet voice bouncing off the walls when you call for him, or when you come bounding down the hallway towards his office to ‘annoy’ him

-when he’s tossing and turning in your shared bed, he has one of your shirts or hoodies with him. One that has the scent of your perfume lingering on it. Which eventually gets him to sleep

-now, today has been a particularly difficult day for Mihawk. Marines constantly on his ass, giving him shit for not handling every single bounty they’ve been giving him. It annoys him as they know of his personal situation and don’t show any sort of respect towards it

-so by the time he gets back home, his mood is sour. He stands in the doorway, watching you as the nurse tends to you once again

-“any change?” He asks, and even though he already knew the answer. Watching the nurse shake her head and reply with her usual “no, I’m sorry”, is when the damn breaks

-no one has seen him cry, you witnessed a single tear roll down his cheek the day you two wed but that’s it

-he waits until the aid is gone for the night and that’s when the tears come flowing. Hard, and heavy.

-he’s sitting at his desk, his chest heaving as he tries catching his breath, and every time he thinks he’s calming down, more tears come

-Mihawk doesn’t realize it’s a panic attack, as it’s his first time experiencing one since he was a boy

-this goes on for hours, before he eventually falls asleep at his desk, his forehead resting against his forearms. A single hand resting on the photograph he keeps on his desk

-but he’s jerked awake around 3am. At first he thinks it’s a dream when he heard your voice from the room next door

-but when he hears a choked “baby?” He almost falls from his chair

-he wastes no time running into the room you’ve been treated in all this time

-and that’s when he sees you. Your eyes open, a look of confusion on your face as you take in the tubes you’ve been hooked up too

-“my love?” Are the first words that fall from his mouth and he nearly collapses when you look over at him. A small smile forming on your face when you see your husband

-as bad as he wants to run over to where you’re laying and hug you. He keeps himself composed. Approaching the bed slowly, sitting down beside you

-his large hand engulfs yours. His thumb rubbing circles against the inside of your wrist.

-after asking if you’re okay, and giving you some water, he catches you up on everything that’s happened the entire time you’ve been out

-you can see the toll this has taken on him and you feel horrible. You’re so used to your strong and composed husband, that seeing how stressed his been breaks you

-your free hand comes up, cupping his cheek. Something you’ve done during the entirety of your relationship. He instinctively nuzzles into your palm and that’s when he begins to cry

-you’re slow with your movements, being careful as you sit yourself up before having him climb onto the mattress beside you. Your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him against your side as you hold him

-listening to his broken sentences of how scared he’s been and unsure.

-he stays there for a long time before lifting his head to look at you. Pressing his lips to yours after not feeling you kiss back in what felt like forever to him

-“maybe it’s time that I retire.” You murmur against his lips before kissing him again. You’d hate to have something like this happen a second time.

-you never liked seeing your husband worried, let alone about yourself.

-“I think I might just join you.”

•

Okayyyyyy so it’s been a while since I’ve written any angst so I apologize if this isn’t great😭😭

[thedevildompolybunch]

18+ Smut Texting with Temptation (Lucifer Solo Play x Poly MC)

Also on: AO3 and Wattpad

Will Lucifer give into temptation when Asmo sends some erotic photos of MC in the group chat? (Poly MC, Masturbation, Sext messages, Alcohol Use, Tipsy, MC Begs in a naughty video)

Both Sexes included, general gender neutral.

It was the middle of the night and Lucifer poured himself another glass of Demonus to go with his paperwork. Even the classical music wasn't enough to ease the tension of the amount of tasks he had to do today. Rubbing the stress from his temples, he attempted to read and sign the next document in front of him. Unfortunately, he had been looking at the pages for so long the words had become a gargled mess. 

Lucifer sighed and took a sip of his drink, it was then that his D.D.D. vibrated from the drawer in his desk. At first, he ignored it, surely it could wait and everyone was home so they could just come to his office if it was an emergency. 

Bzz. Bzz. 

The D.D.D vibrated again.

Bzz. Bzz. 

And again.

Bzz. Bzz. 

And again. 

Not in the mood. 

Opening the drawer, Lucifer picked up the D.D.D to check the ID, which read the brothers .

What now? He thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. 

Opening the chat, he began to catch up:

Asmo: Check this out. Me and MC had a little photo shoot. 

Scrolling down, Lucifer is greeted with sensual photos of MC in lingerie posing on a bed.  He takes a deep breath to retain his composure and continues to scroll through the chat. 

Asmo: The camera really does love them, don't you think?

Mammon: Whoa! You're just gonna send photos of MC like that in the group chat? 

Asmo: Oh come on Mammon! MC said it was fine 

Asmo: Aren't they delightful? Look how cute MC is in this one? 

A photo of MC in an erotic position enters the chat. 

Belphie: I wouldn't describe that as cute. 

Satan: Tastefully Sexy.

Asmo: See Satan gets it. 

Beelzebub: Nice. 

Asmo: That's it Beel? 

Beelzebub: Very nice? 

Asmo: Ugh, come on guys!

Levi: I'm not looking at those! I'm about to get into a PvP match online and I can't let normie things get in the way!! Too distracting! 

Belphie (Vag Reader): Hey, In the 2nd photo you can see a bit of MC's pussy. 

Belphie (Penis Reader): Hey in the 2nd photo you can see how hard MC is.

Belphie:

Asmo: You can? 

Beelzebub: Oh totally.

Asmo (Penis Reader):  They’re such a cutie!!!

Lucifer scrolls up to review the second photo. His eyebrows raise, so you can . Biting his lip and swallowing hard he takes another sip of Demonus as he continues to read.

Mammon:🥵

Mammon:  I'm leaving the chat. 

Asmo: You don't have to tell us

Belphie: Yeah Mammon, just leave

Mammon: Fine! 

Lucifer: Shouldn't you degenerates be doing better things with your time?

Asmo: Oh Lucifer! Finally! What do you think of the photos?

✔️Read

With a sigh, Lucifer rubs his eyes, puts his phone back in the drawer and returns to work. Once again looking at the documents in front of him he begins to file through them again. 

+++++

Lucifer was finding it hard to pay attention. As much as he hated to admit it, those photos teased him and they were all he could think about. He found himself re-reading the same lines on the document over and over again and still, it made no sense. He was distracted, and it was all because of you. Unbuttoning his shirt, he released some of his built up heat. 

Damn it . He thought. 

He had a fantastic grip on ignoring his urges and he intended to do that tonight, as he did most nights, but you tested him. He can't go around indulging himself now can he? But, with the image of you dancing around in his head, maybe he could. 

Twirling his pen in his hand, he began to get lost in thought. He was imagining all of the things he wanted to do to you tonight, and most nights. And oh, how those photos teased; you all sprawled out on the bed for the camera. Ah, How he'd love to "punish" you, for not only taking such photos, but also giving Asmo permission to share them.

How very naughty of you. 

Lucifer found himself at the bottom of his bottle, horny and tipsy. Picking his phone up he opened an app that required a passcode and began to scroll through the different albums until he got to yours. 

By the way Lucifer usually leaves your lewds on read, you would have never known that he had saved every single one you had sent him. In moments like this, where his inhibitions are low, and tensions are high, there's no greater increase to his pride than seeing the abundance of photos and videos you've taken specially for him.

Lucifer begins to find it nearly impossible to resist temptation as he scrolls through them. The heat in his pants begins to rise. 

Sitting back in his chair, he undoes his pants to release some agitation. Oh how divine you look in every single shot. It’s so tantalizing. 

Rubbing himself through the fabric of his pants, he continues to scroll, stopping when he comes across a video. The sweet sounds of your moans pervade the room. It’s like a symphony to him. Your labored breaths as you play with yourself, the way you involuntarily moan his name as you get closer to climax. 

You are just so tempting. And didn’t he teach you not to tempt a demon? 

Releasing himself from his pants, Lucifer leans his head back, closes his eyes and fantasizes about images of you. His body shivers at the feeling of his own touch and with a sigh of relief his ache begins to subside. 

He can’t remember the last time he has done this, but he was well due for some stress relief. Speeding up the pace slightly, he begins to become flustered, his hair falling in front of his face as he sweats.

“Oh, Oh, Oh, please Lucifer, I want you so fucking bad. Pleeease!” 

Gritting his teeth and growling, Lucifer listens to your begs on repeat. Sing to him your sweet song.  

He indulges his thoughts of you. Oh what he wouldn’t do to have you over his desk right now, pleading for him to let you cum, instead of the other way around. 

He starts to play around with his tempo, speeding up and slowing down as he gets to the edge. Why was he torturing himself like this? 

Fuck, he can't take it anymore. 

Finding his correct momentum, Lucifer lets loose, the classical piece playing in the background guiding him to crescendo. The thoughts of you spinning around in his head like a blizzard.

His growls begin to fill the air, as he clenches his teeth harder, bracing himself for release. He needed to cum.  

And just like that, Lucifer allows himself to; staining the paper in front of him, and saturating his hand. He sits back for a moment, allotting his mind and body to relish in the peace he so rarely gets. 

After a few deep breaths, he cleans himself up, and returns back to reality. Adjusting himself back at his desk, he notices the few spots of his document. 

Shit.

Maybe there’s a reason he doesn’t do this often. 

[toadallytickles]

recently i had to set a tickle boundary with an online friend who teases me pretty regularly. he took it pretty well and apologized for pushing the boundary w/o realizing, but i want to get better at setting boundaries before i’m backed into a corner. any advice?

We all may experience having our boundaries, big and small, crossed by accident throughout our lives. Some unfortunately on purpose because some people suck. Some of us learn what our boundaries are by having them crossed. Though there are ways to help minimize having our boundaries crossed.

When you talk to your friend next, you could share how you are feeling at the moment. “Hey! I’m open to being teased, though maybe lighter teases as I didn’t have a good day at school.” or “I’m not really in the mood for teases tonight, maybe we can talk about [vanilla topic] instead.”

Know what you like and what you’re into, and also know what you’re definitely not into! If you only share what you’re into, the other person could be like, “Oh, well they didn’t say anything about [potential dislike/soft limit/hard limit]!” and go ahead and try it anyway. Know what you don’t like and don’t want to try! You can go down a list of fetishes, or porn categories, and organize them into Likes, Dislikes, Soft Limits, and Hard Limits. When I was open to making online friends, I had a pre-written paragraph and Word document that I would send them on my boundaries, what I’m into, what I’m not into, nicknames I like and don’t like, tease I like and don’t like, etc. With your friend and future friends, you can send them this pre-written boundary list so they know how to tease you comfortably! Also, no boundary is too weird or too small! All boundaries must be respected.

Be comfortable saying no when you need to say it. I still struggle with this and will get myself caught in situations I didn’t want to be in. If things are feeling a bit off, or you already know it’s not going in the direction you were wanting or expecting, or they just say or do something uncomfortable, you can say no and stop that interaction before it escalates further. Trust your gut! You know yourself, and sometimes we have that instinct that something is off. And if you somehow “read wrong,” you were protecting yourself- something went off inside you for a reason, and it’s great you put yourself first and responded to those feelings. That’s more important than being teased and playing.

Practice being a good communicator and negotiator! Always have an open line of communication, always share how you’re feeling and how you’re doing. You always want to be on the same page. Don’t play games, don’t assume, guess, or mind read. It’s ALWAYS better to ask questions and get your answers than assuming and guessing. Some people may feel asking too many questions ruins the mood, most people find it very respectful, courteous, and attractive~. (Some people find the kink discussion and negotiation of a scene as the scene!) I feel a safe and great play partner is someone that wants to know you, and takes their time making sure you’re comfortable and feel safe. Check in with each other. “Are you in the mood for teasing/playing?” “What kind of teases/play would you like right now?” “How do you feel about me calling you [this nickname]?” “What do you think of this text post?” “What do you think of the activities in this video?”

A reminder too, being a good friend and play partner is a two way street! You both need to be good, open communicators and listeners!

Hope you find this helpful! :)

Advice + Resources

[avastrasposts]

The Pilot and his Girl - ch. 22

I never know what to say when introducing a new chapter because I don't want to spoil anything! So just read and I hope you like it 😊😊

Series master list

Chapter 23

Word count: 6.4k

Warnings have their own post (and contain spoilers)

For once you wake up before the shrill of the alarm, the old wind-up clock still ticking away on Frankie’s bedside table. Twelve minutes until it goes off with a ring that reaches your neighbors. Since your neighbor is Pope you’re well aware of this, his loud banging on the wall almost drowning out the alarm when he’s in that mood. 

You roll over and stretch out, your movements disturbing the bed enough to pull a low growl from Frankie. His arm is warm across your waist and when you roll over to face him he tugs you closer, tucking your head under his chin. 

“Don’t wake up yet, cariño,” he mutters, his voice rough from sleep. 

“The sun woke me up,” you mumble against his neck, “it’s almost time anyway.” Frankie’s hand smooths over your body, his fingers dragging softly over your back, as always they pause over the scars on your waist, just below your ribs. The gunshot wound healed over now, only rough patches of skin on either side of your body betraying what a close call it had been that day five years ago. 

“Five years to the day, Frankie,” you say, as his fingers circle the top scar. 

“Don’t remind me,” he grumbles, his fingers leaving the scar and slipping down to cup your ass instead, “five fucking years in a QZ, almost six years of this infection bullshit, and no end in sight.” He pulls you tighter, tugging the blanket over your heads, cocooning you under his warm skin and dim light. 

Almost six years had passed, none of them easier than the next but at least you were both still alive, still together. Still in Arlington and still living in the same building as Pope, Benny and Hannah. But the effects of society coming to a grinding halt became  more and more pronounced with every year that passed. Electricity came and went, blackouts were common. Hot water was rare now and often ran out before everyone had a chance to take a shower. But those were the things you got used to eventually, like patching every item of clothing until it fell apart, duct taping shoes until the holes were too big to fix. Greasy hair, broken fingernails, always wearing clothes slightly too big because you couldn't be picky about sizes when you needed a new pair of jeans after your old ones were so threadbare you couldn’t even use them for rags. But you did anyway because the end of the world unfortunately didn’t mean the end of your period. 

Rations getting smaller and smaller was harder to deal with, going hungry most days was rough. There was some food production up and running in some parts of the country, and there were less people to feed, a lot less people. But transporting food, or anything, between QZ:s was still a very dangerous business. In the no man’s land between QZ:s, raiders and infected roamed, each lethal in their own way. Only the most hard core smugglers had the skills and the guts to leave the QZ and scavenge for supplies or trade with other smugglers. 

Unfortunately for you, that was exactly what Frankie and Pope were now doing to make the ration cards last longer. Pope had lasted less than six months with FEDRA before he got fed up with the C.O. Feigning PTSD, he got himself discharged, telling you he preferred that to risking FEDRA lock up for punching the commanding officer. Together he and Frankie signed up for menial labor jobs inside the QZ, but it didn’t take Pope long to find new smuggling partners and new routes, going back to the job he’d done in Franklin. 

At first he didn't involve Frankie, his friend working through withdrawals and treatment for his very real PTSD. Benny had tracked down a FEDRA officer who used to serve in the marines and had worked with veterans after his retirement. The elderly man, Herb, seemed to be exactly what Frankie needed. His cut the bullshit, Morales, attitude had Frankie mentally sitting up straighter after their first meeting. It took time, but little by little, he was able to use the tools Herb taught him to stop his mind from spiraling out of control. The nightmares were still there, but less frequent and less frightening, and waking up from them got easier. As they lost their power over his mind, sleep without drugs became less intimidating. Quitting them cold turkey turned out to be too difficult, but with Herb’s advice, you took control over them, giving Frankie one tablet at night to help him sleep. Gradually you gave him smaller pieces, until eventually Frankie decided he’d sleep without them. He’d still wake up in a cold sweat most nights, but now he could bring his mind under control and go back to sleep. It didn’t always work, but you made Frankie promise he’d wake you up if he couldn’t fall back to sleep after a nightmare. It made the nights less frightening when he knew he could bury his face in the crook of your neck, breathe in your sleep warm skin as you wrapped your arms around him. Sometimes that was all he needed, to pull you tight against him, feel your hands stroke his hair, down his back. Other nights he needed to talk about the nightmare, or something else, distract his mind enough so that he’d feel sleepy again. Whatever he needed, you made sure he had it, challenging him whenever his old habit of doubting his worth crept to the surface. 

You needed him as much as he needed you, he gave your life meaning in the grim reality you now lived in. If Frankie was by your side, with all the love he gave you, there was still a reason to get up every morning and face the QZ. And you made sure he knew that, that his very presence made you feel calm and safe, and above all, loved. And you made sure he always knew how much you loved him, how if you had to choose between life before the outbreak without him, and life after the outbreak with him, you’d always choose life with him, despite the cordyceps virus and the heartbreak it had brought. Frankie was the center of your universe and you didn’t let him forget that for a single moment. 

After about a year of Frankie doing menial work and meeting Herb at a makeshift office in his apartment twice a week, Pope asked Frankie if he wanted in on the smuggling. FEDRA had once again cut the number of rations they would pay and smuggling would help with that. You had to give Frankie credit, he didn’t say yes to Pope straight away, he came back that night and sat down, telling you what Pope had suggested. It scared you, the idea of Frankie, and Pope, going outside the QZ. If something happened, chances were you’d never know, they’d just never come back and you’d be left worrying and wondering. But their smuggling made sure there was enough food on the table for the three of you, and supplies that sometimes made the difference between life and death; medicines, especially antibiotics, were hard to come by and there were several people in the QZ who owed their life to Frankie and Pope being able to get their hands on certain medication. So, reluctantly, you told Frankie to work with Pope. And honestly, you’d rather they work together than with someone else. Years of serving together had made the two of them in sync, perfectly suited to handling the dangers of smuggling in and our of the QZ.

One of the dangers was being caught by FEDRA. They’d banned smuggling as soon as the QZ’s were up. Or not so much the smuggling as leaving the QZ, strict quarantine rules were in effect and anyone caught breaking them was punished. At first it had been only quarantine, fines and maybe time in a lock up. But by the time Pope asked Frankie to join him, the official punishment was public execution, although that had never been enforced yet. 

Other QZ:s had fallen when people, both smugglers and others, had snuck in after being exposed to infected. Franklin was one of them, a small group of survivors had turned up a few days after the Franklin radio tower had gone silent. They said the breakout had occurred at the main market for trading, two people had suddenly turned and those bit as the market erupted into panic had been too afraid to face FEDRA, preferring to pretend nothing had happened. In those early days, many people still chose to live in denial of the infection. 

The survivors from Franklin had been put in quarantine, half of them had turned within the day, and Arlington FEDRA had deemed it too risky to let the rest in. They’d all been executed. Pope had left FEDRA shortly afterwards, he’d been assigned to the firing squad, his eyes black when he told you the story.   

By now Frankie and Pope had been smuggling for four years, establishing routes and connections both inside and outside the QZ. Today the plan was to go on a short run outside the QZ to meet up with smugglers from a nearby, smaller QZ. They were going to a location they’d been to many times, the route cleared from infected long ago and usually very safe, at least as safe as it could be outside the QZ. But they’re meeting with a new group to set up a new trade. The group had been recommended by smugglers Pope had been working with since the beginning, so he trusted them. But meeting new people and establishing a new trade was always risky. Pope had a long scar on his right forearm as a reminder from a new trade gone wrong, only Frankie’s quick trigger finger had saved him that time. 

“I need to get up, Frankie,” you mumbled into his chest, he still had his arm around you and judging by his breathing, he’d almost fallen back to sleep.

“No,” came the drowsy reply, his arm tightening around you. “You stay here with me today, fuck everything.” 

“Lovely as that sounds, if I’m late you know they’ll dock my pay, they’ve been worse than ever lately.” You wriggle out from under his heavy arm as Frankie grumbles in protest, but he lets you go. He has to push himself out of bed too and as you head to the shower to see if there’s any hot water this morning, he sits on the bed rubbing his eyes. He’d only woken up once in the night but it had been one of his worst nightmares. It was a recurring one replaying Lucía’s last moments, the loud gunshot echoing in his mind always woke him up, and when he opened his eyes he’d see her face floating in the darkness above him. Shoving the image away, he pushes himself off the bed with a groan and heads to the bathroom. 

Frankie follows you to the shopping mall that still houses the kitchen, although the FEDRA HQ has left and moved into a warehouse area that had been unharmed in the bombing. The warehouses had been converted into barracks, storage units, and holding cells. The latter more frequently in use than ever as FEDRA cracked down with increasing force on any civil unrest in the wake of ration cuts and stifling control over the population of the QZ. 

Outside the entrance to the mall you wrap your arms around Frankie’s neck and pull him close, leaning your forehead against his. 

“Be careful and come home to me,” you whisper, the same thing you always say to him before he leaves. He nods and kisses you before pulling away. 

“I love you, stay safe, hermosa.” 

“I love you too, stay safe, Frankie.” 

When you step into the mall there’s more people than usual around, and most of them seem to be gathered at the FEDRA notice board on one side of the large area. 

“What’s going on?” you ask Kim, one of your co-workers who’s standing on the edge of the crowd. 

“They’ve cut the number of ration cards they’re paying again, and coffee is no longer available with cards, neither is powdered milk. And they’ve cut the cooking oil ration in half,” she shakes her head and adds in a low voice. “People are gonna get pissed, especially about the coffee, everyone knows coffee is still served at FEDRA HQ every day.”

Another one of your co-workers, a young man called Peter, pushes through the crowd and joins you. “C’mon, let's get to the kitchen,” he says and grabs Kim by the arm, pulling her along and jerking his head for you to follow.  “What’s going on, Pete?” you ask but he doesn’t reply, until the door into the kitchen’s changing room has closed behind you. 

“They’re banning congregating, no groups larger than two people are to meet anywhere except if you’re in a family, starting tomorrow,” he says, shrugging off his coat. 

“How are they even going to enforce that? There’s six of us in the kitchen alone, everyone works in groups larger than two. Are they going to have guards everywhere?” you ask incredulously. 

“I don’t know, but the notice said anyone reporting on illegal congregation or ‘disruptive conversations’ will be rewarded with extra ration cards.” 

“So they’re trying to make people tell on each other,” Kim says, her voice grim, “they really are fucking facists.” 

“That’s not the worst of it,” Peter adds, “from tomorrow, the curfew five pm unless you have a special pass from FEDRA, if you’re on a late shift. And being caught outside after curfew puts you in lock up for a month, and then you’re assigned to the FEDRA work detail.” 

The FEDRA work detail was made to do all the jobs no one else wanted, disposing of bodies, sewage sweeps and cleaning, or assigned to the most dangerous jobs, like clearing the area around the QZ of infected on a regular basis. If you volunteered for them it paid well, if you were assigned to it as a convict, it paid nothing. Those people lived at the FEDRA lock-up and lived off basic rations for the term of their incarceration. There was no court system so the length of the stay was arbitrary, most didn’t survive long enough to see the end of their term. 

“They’re going to have riots on their hands soon,” you said, putting away your jacket and bag in a locker. “Between ration cuts and the ban on trading clothes and shoes, not even being able to meet with friends is going to push things over the edge.” 

Peter and Kim nod as the three of you make your way into the kitchen for your shift. 

You run into Benny as you get back to the apartment block that evening. He’s still with FEDRA, sharing an apartment with Hannah two floors above Frankie and you. Today’s the first time you’ve seen him in a few days, he’s been away on assignment and it’s good to see him back and safe. It looks as if he’s had time to shower and he’s just returning with a bag of groceries, holding up the door for you after you give him a hug. It’s almost funny, before the outbreak, you wouldn’t necessarily have hugged Benny or Pope every time you saw them. But now, with the ever present risk of each goodbye being the very last, you always hug them when you see them again. It’s also why you always tell Frankie you love him and to come home to you, when he leaves. You’re well aware that he might not come home, you push that thought to the back of your mind as often as you can, but you don’t want your last words to him be something mundane like ‘see you later, babe.” 

“Do you and Frankie wanna come up for dinner tonight,” Benny asks as you make your way up the stairs with him. “Hannah won’t be back until late but I need to talk to Pope and Frankie.” 

“They’re working on the far side of the QZ today, I’m not sure when they’ll be back,” you tell him, “but if they’re back in time for dinner we’d love to come up.” You’re pretty sure Benny knows exactly what Pope and Frankie does, how they supplement the ration cards they make doing odd jobs for FEDRA, but it’s never been acknowledged so you keep it vague. 

Benny nods and pauses on your landing, “Come up when you can, they can join us when they’re back,” he says, “I was given a nice bottle of whiskey by a guy today, I saved his ass a couple of days ago, guess he was feeling grateful.” 

“Sure, let me just shower and change and I’ll be right up,” you reply, giving Benny a wave. 

A short, and cold, shower later you’ve changed and left a note for Frankie that you’re at Benny’s place. He lets you in when you knock on the door two floors up. You’ve brought some leftover arepas from last night, corn flour is one of the crops not affected by the cordyceps fungus and is now a staple in the QZ. . 

“I miss bread so much,” you grumble as you hand the arepas to Benny, and he nods. 

“I’d kill for a grilled cheese,” he nods and your mouth waters at the thought of it. 

“And pizza,” you drool and Benny groans. 

“Don’t, don't make me think of pizza. That I really would kill for!” 

There were attempts at growing wheat crops that weren’t susceptible to the cordyceps fungus, but so far the batches produced were too small. And tending the fields was dangerous work when they weren’t fenced off. And you needed a lot of fence to fence off whole fields. But FEDRA often informed the public of encouraging news like these to keep morale up, and it was needed. Almost six years into the outbreak, morale was at an all time low and falling. There were still reports of vaccine research but so far there wasn’t even a way to slow down the infection once someone was bit and you remained skeptical to all reports of a vaccine. 

Benny pours you a generous measure of the whiskey and you laugh as you see the four fingers in your glass. 

“Trying to get me drunk, Benny?” 

“Na, if I remember correctly, tequila is your poison,” Benny chuckles and pours himself an equally large glass.

“I’m never drinking tequila again, even if you do find a bottle,” you grin. “Did Frankie tell you that’s how I blurted out that I love him the first time? Way too drunk for that kind of honesty.” 

“No, he never told me about that,” Benny turns down the heat on the stew simmering on the stove and sinks down onto the couch, you curl up in the opposite corner with your drink.

“It was that time I accidentally asked you if you were any good in bed,” you laugh and Benny grins. 

“I vaguely remember, I was pretty drunk myself that night,” he chuckles and sips the whiskey.

“Did you ever manage to hook up with that blonde you were trying to make me help you with?” 

“No, but I went home with her friend instead,” Benny gives you a wicked grin and raises his glass to you in a toast across the sofa.

“Of course you did,” you snort, toasting him back. 

“So you told Fish you love him while drunk on tequila?” Benny asks when he puts his glass down. “I always thought he was the first to crack and declared his undying devotion to you on your second date.” He’s grinning and you lean across and slap his arm.

“Be nice, Benjamin,” you chuckle before leaning back, “I think we were both pretty nervous about saying it, Frankie has so much baggage and I had a pretty shitty relationship behind me too. So while drunk on tequila I told him, while we were still at that bar, he took it well though, thank god.” 

“He was crazy about you from the first night,” Benny smiles at you, “I’ve never seen him so relaxed around someone he was dating as he did that time you guys ran into me and Will at breakfast, remember?” 

“Vividly,” you laugh, “Frankie might’ve been relaxed around me, but he was not happy you guys were there.”

“Was that a breakfast date or had you just…?” Benny shoots you another wicked grin and you have to lean over and slap his arm again. “I’m just asking,” he laughs, swatting your hand away, “Frankie did look very pleased, if you know what I mean.” 

You roll your eyes at him but can’t help but laugh, Benny was right on the money of course, that was the morning Frankie had proved he could make you come four times in short succession, turning your legs to jelly in the process. 

“What do you think, Benjamin?” you snigger and he tilts his head back and laughs out loud. 

“I fucking knew it!” 

“It was almost seven years ago, Ben, why do you even care?” you giggle, Benny has an infectious laugh and it’s impossible to be offended by his question. 

“Because I like being right, even if I had to wait seven years to confirm it,” he raises his almost empty glass to you in another toast. “To Catfish, and his enormous dick.”

You’ve raised your glass but almost drop it as you gasp with laughter, doubling over on the couch. “You are the fucking worst, Ben!” 

“Hey, I’ve been in enough changing rooms with Fish to know he’s packing some serious business, I’m just happy you get to enjoy it.” Benny’s laughing almost as hard as you are and neither of you hear the knock on the door. 

“Look at you two, getting drunk on a Tuesday evening,” Pope snorts as he looks in on the two of you on the couch from Benny’s front door. Frankie’s standing behind him, smiling at you. 

“Hey guys!” Benny calls, “We’re just reminiscing about some serious business,” he waves his drink in your direction with a grin, “C’mon in and join us, we’re sharing aaaaaall the stories.” You start giggling again, the whiskey has gone straight to your head and you feel all fuzzy around the edges, and even more relaxed now that Frankie is home safe. He pulls off his boots and sinks down behind you on the couch, kissing your cheek from behind as he pulls you into his chest. 

“Hermosa, did you let Benny get you drunk?” he smiles, the cool tip of his nose skating across your skin as you lean back into him. 

“Only a little, just a little bit tipsy,” you say, “I have no tolerance for alcohol these days.” Frankie feels warm and solid behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist and you drop your head back onto his shoulder, turning your head so that you can breathe him in as you press your lips to his warm skin. 

“Oh, she’s so drunk,” you hear Pope chuckle from across the room. 

“She’s not drunk, she only had a glass of whiskey,” Benny says, getting up to heat up the stew for dinner.

“Did you pour the drink, cariño? Or did you let Benny serve you? Because I’ve seen the size of his servings.”

“It was a pretty big drink,” you admit, “but I didn’t finish it,” you wave your hand at the table where your glass still sits. 

“That glass is empty,” Pope says and you pull yourself up from Frankie and look down at the very empty glass.

“Oh, I guess I did drink it all,” you say, and drop your head back on Frankie’s shoulder while he chuckles, you can feel his chest vibrating under you. “Benny distracted me, we were talking about you and that time we had breakfast with him and Will.” 

“You guys had totally just done it,” you hear Benny giggle from the kitchen and Pope snorts, he’s heating up the arepas, the smell of toasted corn starting to spread through the apartment. 

“Benjamin,” Frankie sighs from behind you, “don’t make me smack you.” 

“I’d like to see you try, Morales,” Benny challenges with a grin, raising his fists like a boxing champ, “Actually, I’d use your girl as a stand in, she’s lethal these days.” Benny adds and you smile at him. Praise from Benny on your fighting skills was rare and didn’t come easy. He was a tough teacher but he’d been drilling you every week since your gunshot wound had healed, taking his assignment from Frankie seriously. These days you felt fairly certain there were few people in the QZ who’d be able to take you in a fight, with the exception of Benny, and maybe Frankie and Pope. Benny didn’t even pull his punches with you any more, and he was finding it harder and harder to actually get a hit in without going into full combat mode. 

“Alright, dinner’s ready, c’mon on over,” Ben says, turning off the stove, and Frankie pulls you to your feet. 

“Let’s get some dinner into you, ‘not drunk girl’,” he smiles as you wrap your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes and bumping your nose to his. 

“I didn’t tell him how you made me come four times that morning,” you whisper and to your delight, Frankie’s ears turn pink as a blush creeps up his throat. He quickly checks behind him to make sure Pope and Ben didn’t hear but they’re busy, before he turns back to you. 

“And I’ve beaten that record several times since,” he smirks, an unusually smug look on his face, as he drops a peck on your nose.

Benny’s stew is mostly beans and root vegetables, a few bits of rabbit to add some flavor. There’s a small rabbit farm in the QZ, set up in one of the parks, and despite the rabbit population being small, there was sometimes rabbit meat available with ration cards, especially if you were high up in FEDRA as Benny was.

Almost six years in FEDRA had seen Benny climb almost to the top, but still one rung under the final top layer. The man in charge of FEDRA was still the C.O. who had taken over shortly after you’d arrived in Arlington, an obnoxious scumbag named Cox. And for whatever reason, he detested Benny. Personally you thought it was because Benny was respected and liked by those who served under him, something Cox was not. And Benny wasn’t one to suck up to the higher ups just to get a promotion, you had to earn his respect. Cox was a weak leader, surrounding himself with ‘yes men’ by giving them special privileges and collecting favors. Benny refused to play his game so he was stuck as patrol leader with few advantages despite being one of the longest serving soldiers in FEDRA. 

As it turned out, this was the reason Benny wanted to talk to Pope and Frankie tonight. You felt yourself sobering up, helped by the food and the water Frankie had poured for you and at the end of the meal, you all returned to Benny’s couch, the men with whiskies in their hands, you with a coffee. 

“How did the smuggling run go today?” Ben asks, looking at Pope, who all but sputters into his drink. He throws a quick glance at Frankie who looks equally flustered before he looks back at Ben. 

“Ben, dude, I don’t know….”

“Cut the bullshit, Pope, I’m not blind.” Ben leans back on the couch and puts his feet up on the low table. “I know you and Frankie have been smuggling for years. And I want in.” 

You could’ve knocked Frankie and Pope over with a couple of feathers, they exchange another glance and Pope slowly puts his glass down on the table, “What do you want in on, Ben?” 

“Listen, Cox is being worse than ever. The lack of supplies means he’s got less to pay his inner circle of cronies, who keep him in charge. So to compensate, he’s cutting the rations for everyone, FEDRA soldiers too.” 

“Why is Arlington so low on supplies?” you ask. “From what we hear, other QZ’s are doing alright, no ration cuts and none of this bullshit about stopping people from meeting and hanging out.” 

“Because Cox knows he needs his supporters happy if he’s to stay in power,” Benny says, “and he’s having to give them more and more supplies.” 

The inner circle around Cox, the ‘yes men’, are all intimidating, grim looking men, quick to anger and quick to use violence to get their way. The inhabitants of the QZ fear them and the arbitrary punishment they deal out. That fear keeps Cox in power, no one challenges him, not even the soldiers. You’d asked Benny about it a couple of times and he was certain Cox would order him on a suicide mission the second he sensed that Benny was challenging his power. And with Hannah to look after, he wasn’t prepared to risk it, so he kept his head down and was passed over for promotion. But now he was prepared to risk getting involved in smuggling, things must be bad, you thought. 

“I can supply you guys with information,” Ben says, looking at Pope and then Frankie when neither of them say anything. “I know the patrol routes, the times, and I see all the reports of supplies that are found. With my intel you could even hit some of the supply caches outside the QZ.” 

Frankie, always the quiet one, who thinks before he speaks, looks over at Pope with raised eyebrows, questioning him. He shrugs his shoulders and looks over at Ben, “I’m not gonna pretend your help wouldn’t be very useful, man.” Pope leans forward, elbows on his knees, looking up at Ben under his eyebrows, “But if you get caught, or Cox catches wind of you helping smugglers, you’ll be out of FEDRA and he’ll probably put you on FEDRA work detail if he can, proof or no proof.” 

“I’d like to see him try,” Benny growls, leaning forward to match Pope’s position. “This situation with Cox is going to blow up, sooner or later. And I don’t mean that I’ll lose my temper and punch him. The QZ is going to blow up, people were already unhappy, and with these new regulations…” Benny’s voice trails off as he mimics a bomb going off. 

“People at the kitchen were not happy about the new rules,” you say, “with FEDRA trying to get people to snitch on each other, it really feels like it’s turning into a police state.” 

Benny nods, “Things are brewing, and Cox is petrified, hence the new rules, but he just made things worse. And if things do blow up, I wanna be on the right side, and that side won’t be FEDRA.” 

“Ok,” Pope says, “if you want in, Benny, I’m fine with that, of course,” Frankie nods in agreement as Pope continues. “I just want to make sure you know what you’re risking.” 

“I know, don’t worry about it.” Benny replies, “And I’ll get you as much info as possible but eventually I have to leave FEDRA, and then I wanna join you outside the wall too.” 

You’ve been listening to the exchange with growing unease, it had always felt like Benny being in FEDRA gave both you and the guys an extra layer of protection, if something went wrong. But with Benny talking about how the QZ might erupt into violence and him leaving FEDRA made you nervous. Life was hard enough without having to worry about FEDRA’s unjust rules and on top of it all, with Pope, Frankie and now Benny, involved in smuggling, you feel like you were the only one not helping out. Just continuing to work for FEDRA in feeding the soldiers and bringing in less and less ration cards. 

“Maybe there’s something I can help with too,” you say, “like be a look out for when you guys come and go.” Frankie is sitting next to you and even before you’ve finished the sentence you can see him shaking his head but you ignore him and look at Pope, “Santi, you’ve said a couple of times you’ve had close calls because you had no early warning of patrols, maybe I could help with that?” Pope opens his mouth to answer but Frankie cuts him off, “No, I’m not letting you get involved with smuggling, cariño,” his hand is around your wrist and he’s squeezing it gently to get your attention, his eyes suddenly anxious. “I wouldn’t be able to focus on what we’re doing if I know you’re out there too, I need to know you’re safe so that I can concentrate.” 

“She’d be safe, Fish,” Pope interjects, “She’d be in one of our look outs inside the wall, just keeping an eye out fo-.” Frankie gives Pope such a dark look, it cuts him off and Frankie turns back to you. 

“I know you want to help, but I can’t let you, please, cariño, you’ve got to understand that.” 

You put your hand over Frankie’s and nod, “Ok, I understand Frankie, I won’t push it.” You see his eyes soften as he puts his hand on your cheek. 

“Thank you, hermosa.” 

The front door opens and Hannah walks in, looking tired and annoyed, just returning from her evening shift at the kitchen. You often worked the same shifts but recently they hadn’t been overlapping. 

You all greet her as she slumps down into the couch next to Santi and he gives her a hug, her head dropping onto his shoulder with a big yawn. 

“Let me get you some dinner,” Benny says and gets up, “Do you want a whiskey too? I got some good stuff today.” 

“A tiny, tiny one, thanks Ben,” she says, and twists her back around, stretching out her sore muscles. 

“Come here, hermana, let me help,” Santi says and makes her shift so that he’s behind her and can dig his thumbs into her shoulders, rubbing over the knots. Hannah sighs and drops her head forward as his thumbs work their way across her back. 

“Thanks, that feels amazing.” 

“Tough shift, you’re back kinda late?” you ask, used to how exhausting the evening shifts can be in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, but I wasn’t late because of the shift,” she replies. “You guys heard about the new curfew?” 

“Yeah, but that’s not in effect until tomorrow,” Ben says, coming back in and putting a bowl of stew on the table alongside a fairly large whiskey. 

“Tell that to Cox’s guys,” she scoffs. “They stopped a bunch of us coming back from the kitchen and demanded to see our permits and then threatened to throw us in lock up when none of us had any. I told them that’s only from tomorrow!” You see her eyes flash with anger and Santi taps her shoulders to make her relax again. “One guy, Peter, you know him,” Hannah looks over at you and you nod, you’d talked to him only this morning, “he told them they had no right stopping us now, that they were out of line and they grabbed him and started beating him up!” 

“What?” Benny spits out, “I’m gonna fucking throw them in lock up!” 

“Is he ok, Hannah?” you ask and she shakes her head. “I don’t know, they took him in  for ‘disturbing the peace’, he was bleeding but not too badly. But the fucking nerve on them!”

“I’ll check on him tomorrow,” Ben growls, “make sure he’s ok and get him out of there.” 

“And they let the rest of you go?” Santi asks, his hand still rubbing her shoulders. 

“Yeah, I guess they got the action they wanted, beating some poor guy up,” Hannah sighs, rubbing her hand over her face before picking up the bowl of stew. 

Later that night, as Frankie crawls into bed next to you, he has a worried look on his face again. 

“I don’t like the sound of what’s happening in the QZ, with Cox and his guys,” he says, pulling the covers up over you both and propping himself up on his elbow so that he can look at you. “Please be careful, and maybe come straight back home after your shifts, unless you absolutely have to go somewhere else.” 

“I’ll be fine, Frankie, you know me. I always keep my head down and stay out of their way,” you cup his cheek, running your fingers over his scruffy beard and he gives you a crooked smile. 

“I know, but you know me too, I always worry about you.” 

He lets you pull him closer and you easily find his lips with yours, making him part them for your tongue as he sinks down next to you. You give him a soft peck before you tuck yourself into the crook of his neck, his arms finding their places around your waist and under your head. 

“Love you, Frankie,” you mumble, sleep pulling you under. 

“Love you to, hermosa,” he whispers close to your ear, pulling you a little bit tighter against himself. 

Of course it was Hannah that became the spark. Hannah, the high school teacher, who Will had fallen in love with and married because her heart was so firmly in the right place, who kept his head steady with her unwavering instinct to protect the weak and always sided with the troubled teens at her school. For as long as Will and the guys had known her, she’d taken in every stray she came across, cats, dogs, hedgehogs, birds, kids. If there was a small creature, lost or injured, Hannah would take it in and nurse it back to health. The running joke was of course that Will was one of her strays, lost after years in the military, finding a woman who saw past his hard core military persona and let him find peace with her. 

While you kept your head down and avoided the FEDRA soldiers, especially the ones you knew were close to Cox, Hannah couldn’t keep silent when she saw someone being treated badly. 

And that got her into trouble and ignited the QZ.

Chapter 23

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko  @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse @harriedandharassed @meveispunk @hiroikegawa

[ask-good-cop-bad-cop]

Care to share some of your GCBC headcanons?

🔸️ I'm going to be pulling a lot of these from previously answered asks. It'll be nice having them in one spot.

✮ Their full name is Garrett William Copp. They developed as a "they", but Ma and Pa didn't realize it until they were a few months old and began to show two distinct personalities. So Good ended up getting called Garrett, and Bad ended up getting called William. He vastly prefers his name to be shortened to Liam. Don't ever call him Will. Especially don't try calling him Bill.

✮ Their birthday is October 31, 1969. (Yes, I am aware that would make them 55 now. It's still 2014 for them.)

✮ Bad has always enjoyed physical activity and played many sports when they were kids. His favorites were baseball and track & field. He also took up boxing in college. Good had more of an interest in theatre- Bad gave up sports their senior year of high school so Good would have the time to do something he enjoyed for once.

✮ They had difficulty controlling their switching when they were younger- Good especially. He's always been the stronger of the two of them that way and can easily take control from Bad, no matter how hard Bad tries to resist. Unfortunately this, paired with Bad's need to be active, often led to injuries.

✮ Existing as they do also led to a lot of bullying and fights throughout school. Bad was always quick to switch in to defend Good- but he never threw the first punch.

✮ Bad prefers savory flavors, while Good prefers sweet. This played a large part in why they chose their particular culinary skills.

✮ Good has always been better at things like math and chemistry, which helps a lot with his interest in baking. Bad, with his long-standing love of reading, is remarkably good at things like spelling and grammar- to the point he turns off spellcheck and autocorrect on every device they use because it just drives him crazy.

✮ They both have specific emotions that they feel very strongly, and specific emotions they have a very difficult time feeling at all, and often need the other to either bring them back down or help them process it. Good's strong emotion is joy, and the emotion he is incapable of feeling on his own is anger. The most he can feel without Bad's help is annoyance. Bad is pretty much the opposite. He often needs Good to help keep his quick temper in check, and without Good's help, the happiest he is capable of feeling is 'content'. They both feel sadness/despair the same; Good is just much more comfortable with and capable of crying. Bad has to reach some pretty extreme limits before the tears will finally come.

✮ They dream together! Not always, but about 90% of the time. Sometimes they still share a body, sometimes they're separate. They especially like the dreams where they're separate and have been practicing lucid dreaming because, even if it's only a dream, they enjoy having the chance to do things together like normal brothers. They know they wouldn't be able to function if they really were separated though.

✮ Bad's tastes in music are pretty much limited to classic rock, traditional Irish, and ambient/atmospheric (think movie/video game music). Good, on the other hand, will listen to just about anything- especially if it's loud, upbeat, or both. His favorite genre is symphonic metal, and Bad often tells him he sounds like Fabio (former lead singer of Rhapsody of Fire) when he sings, just with a different accent.

✮ They very likely have the creative spark needed to be a Master Builder. No one's ever bothered to try training them to find out though.

✮ They're both mainly coffee drinkers. Bad prefers his black (maybe every once in a blue moon with just a touch of sugar), while Good prefers lattes, usually mocha but sometimes with other flavor shots, depending on what he's in the mood for. They're the same way when it comes to tea, as rarely as they drink it. Bad prefers hot herbal teas (specifically mint or chamomile) to unwind in the evenings, also very rarely sweetened. Good likes tea lattes (London Fog is his favorite so far) or milk teas for a sweet caffeine boost that's different from his usual fare. The only iced tea either of them will drink is their mom's sun tea, which she sweetens with honey and adds fresh crushed mint leaves to.

✮ Aside from seasonal allergies, they're allergic to mosquito bites. It's not life-threatening but any bites they get do swell up to be at least the size of a golf ball.

✮ They are what some would call "sensitive" or "intuitive". They have been able to see ghosts since they were young. Bad Cop in particular tends to get surprisingly accurate gut feelings about situations (not 100% of the time, but definitely more often than not).

[misc-obeyme]

HI HELLO IM BACK, I HAVE MY NOTES WHEEE. I had to go back and re-read where i left off. ajsjd idk if anyone else is waiting for updates on my silly little poly story but here is the next part

I mention this diner that's open, and Solomon cuts in like "That's right, didn't you say they had the best cake batter milkshake you've ever had? And I recall you gushing about the food, specifically the mozzarella sticks." "It's the same one ya showed the menu off to us and how they had 20 something flavors, ain't it?" "And Mammon, you wanted to try the cinnamon one, right?" *Cue Mammon looking perplexed*"Sol, wha... Yeah, I-I mean, how the hell did you remember that? I said it so long ago.." "It's easy to remember the things my favorite people enjoy. :]"

How to make two people tsunderes short circuit 101. I'd like to think this is the realization for both me and Mammon about Solomon. Mammon does his little scoff and tries to play it off and it backfires, "So what you're sayin' is, I'm always on your mind?" "Hm. Yes. That feels accurate." "EH?!?" Meanwhile, I'm definitely trying to tamp down the feeling and shove it in a box.

Basically Mammon is "Oh. Oh." and I am "Oh. Oh. Aw, fuck."

okay but Mammon drives us to the diner and we sit in a booth, and they're sitting on the same side and we each other a milkshake and fries to share !! Mammon takes a fry, throws it in the air, and catches it in his mouth. Unfortunately it's hot as hell since it's fresh so he's fanning his mouth and dying internally, peak dumbass. Solomon and I can't help but laugh, and I find myself laughing a little too hard and oh. There's this realization that feels like a cold bucket of water and I'm all "Oh. Oh.. Oh, shit." because HELLO? WHY CAN I FEEL THE FONDNESS IN MY OWN GAZE WHEN I LOOK AT THESE TWO DORKS, MY FACE FEELS HOT, AAAA.

I immediately rip open my straw and focus on my milkshake, trying to convince myself I'm in a silly goofy mood. And idk why, but I can't stand cherries. Cherry flavored things? Awesome. Cherries? No. So i end up placing the cherry on a napkin but I keep the stem (you know where this is going). Solomon sneakily takes the cherry, as Mammon is already sipping his cinnamon shake (definitely horchata flavored).

Solomon pops the it into his mouth at the same time I present the cherry stem now tied into a knot on the tip of my tongue, and suddenly both of them are flustered and choking. (I've only been able to do this once irl, BUT I CAN SAY I'VE DONE IT)

Anyway I'm stuck between laughing so hard I snort, and reaching my hands out towards them both across the table in concern. I try calming myself down, but one look at their red cheeks and I'm a mess again. I think Mammon would flick me on the forehead and say something about my milkshake melting if I don't stop giggling. We end up leaving slightly after 2 am.

We're all in the car, Mammon is driving along the highway. Stars are out, windows down, and the radio is blasting. And then fall out boy comes on !! Because when that band plays, I turn into a different person.

Of course I'm giddy as hell, and Mammon even reaches over to turn it up. You know what's playing? Favorite Record (that just feels like such a fitting song). Mammon and Solomon's eyes meet in the mirror, and there's no words spoken, but everything was said. Because Mammon said he was just playing stuff from his liked songs. Which means, he either lied and made a playlist for tonight OR he started listening to them because I enjoy them so much (it's the second reason)

And in the beginning, I was kinda humming and mumbling the lyrics as I progressively get more confident. But when it got near the chorus, I can't help myself. Suddenly I'm happily singing along, loud and unashamed.

Mammon feels his heart stutter. The roads are empty, so he sneaks a glance at me. And he wonders if this is love, or the beginnings. Because oh. Oh. He's never seen me so carefree. This is his realization moment. And he vows to get to know more songs if it means having another moment like this. Solomon is in the backseat, recording because he's never seen me so energetic before (unless I was gushing about an interest, but there's still a sense of hesitation when I do). Don't mind him, he's making a mental note to google karaoke clubs.

I'm partly embarrassed when the song ends, but no one says anything, so I calm down pretty quickly. It's not long before we arrive at Mammon's apartment/shop. Solomon and I grab our things from the trunk, and follow Mammon inside.

okay that's it for now !! sleepover is next !! i think playlist drama comes after ?? I can't remember. This got long ajsjd. Also I'm making an outline of the songfic, so the bullying kinda worked. I was daydreaming about it on the bus. It WAS gonna be a Mammon pov thing about my mc or maybe reader, but now I'm like 🤨 what if... solomams.... the lyrics fit more for them together... I could write two fics but they'd be basically the same with minor differences. Hmm. Who knows. We'll see. Also my friend/coworker made me some decorations to put on my bag that were solomon and mammon inspired 😭 so sweet. OKAY BYEEE I'M FR DONE NOW AJSJD

- ✨ anon

Ahhhhh Solomon flirting with you two is the cutest thing EVER.

Also who do I have to kill to get a horchata flavored milkshake?? Because that sounds like the most delicious thing I've ever heard of in my life.

I am LIVING for these realization moments!! You singing your heart out to one of your favorite songs a;ldskjfljkdfjkdf

This is so cute I'm dying! I don't know about everybody else, but I am fully invested in this story and I will not be satisfied until I know how the whole thing goes!!

You've fully converted me into a solomams shipper, too, by the way. It's because I just LOVE the way Solomon teases Mammon in a flirty way, that is seriously so cute! But I gotta say, it's even better with your MC involved...

I await the sleepover with baited breath!

[empty-dream]

Just watched Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead

24 years old overworked office worker in Tokyo finally gets his day off when the city is overrun by zombie outbreak, then decides to do all the things he can't do when he was trapped in his hellish job before he becomes a zombie himself.

I like it because it's stupid real lmao. Nothing's gonna stop me from grabbing my favorite beverage to spend a long overdue off-day with, even if it's the end of the world.

This is a writing about the anime, not the live action movie. I do wonder why they released both anime and live action at the same time. As of this writing, the anime has 7 episodes already.

1st episode really sets the mood. The majority of the episode is black and white, symbolizing Akira's burnout meaningless day to day life. Then the colors suddenly explodes in vibrant and emotional manner as he undergoes a major life changing moment. You have to see it yourself.

Ngl a huge part of my drive to watch this is because it's written by Haro Aso, the mangaka for the Alice in Borderland. Which is an amazing story please read the manga/watch the Netflix series I'M BEGGING.

In a similar vein to AiB, Zom 100 is ultimately about life and how to cherish and fight for it in difficult, dying times. While AiB, being suspense thriller, is a lot more grim in exploring the theme, Zom 100 has a more lighthearted and carefree approach, though not without its own heartrending moments.

It's a fresh breather because the main protagonist and his friends are not highschoolers. For people who are already working, their ups and downs in their respective occupations at their respective ages are pretty relatable.

As expected of Haro Aso. He also incorporated a lot of different occupations for his cast in AiB, like forensic police or corporate lawyers, even though its main characters are still highschoolers (Not the case in the Netflix version tho, they get age-lifted).

Akira reminds me a lot of Shinra Kusakabe from Fire Force. Maybe because of the similar plain straight black hairstyle a la shounen protagonist, with a personality that's loud and cheery yet still politely kind. With dream of wanting to be heroes.

Also loving the dynamic between main cast. Akira-Kencho's is really that one friend you made in school that stuck with you for the rest of your life hell or high water. Their personalities clash with the uptight Ms. Risk Analysis and its fun to see how they mingle with each other. Unfortunately the blonde samurai woman has not appear yet so I cant comment but Im very sure she would be a fun addition.

The OP and ED are so catchy and lively, even though they have different type of music (as far as my meager musical knowledge can assess). Both are pretty vibrant, complete with the vivid images, truly a fitting celebration for the story. I love how the song titles (Song of the Dead and Happiness of the Dead, respectively) keep up with the X of the Dead theme naming.

The OP uses footages from previous episodes and it hits kinda hard in EP 7 for reasons happened in that arc. There seems to be at least 2 versions of the ED credit, which have some slight differences between each other.

Tl:dr this is what toxic working condition will do to a man

[three--rings]

Hello! Sorry to bother but I am waaay too curious

If you have time/energy/mood, could you please elaborate? I am curious about your perspective. Psychology is one of my biggest passions and I want to start a degree in it (with possibility to advance further with the degree maybe) I am aware of some of its flaws, and the fact that it can be biased and inconclusive and not exactly exact and precise like the other sciences. Is there anything else that perhaps I should keep an eye out on? Thank you for reading and if you reply, thank you for replying as well.

So the thing about studying psychology, especially at the undergrad level, is that you spend all your time being taught about these landmark studies that defined the thinking of decades of psychology theory and practice.

And then at some point, which may be during or after your education, you learn all of those studies were terrible research bullshit that can't be reliably reproduced even if they could get past a modern ethics board.

Psychology is a field that is really uncomfortable with itself because it desperately wants to be taken seriously as a hard science and not be thought of as just people thinking about people. But it is REALLY REALLY bad at being a hard science. The research is just not rigorous at ALL.

My senior year of undergrad for my research methods class my group of slackers who rarely went to class put together a research study where we drew up entirely new models and tools that looked far better than the published ones, applied them to a much larger and more diverse population of subjects and basically put the leading research in that little niche to shame. On the weekends. Our prof wanted us to publish but we were graduating and it never happened. We sent it to the leading researcher in the field and he was all...uh, yeah, I'm working on some new stuff too...but good for y'all. He was a known prick though.

Like, it's not that there's not good stuff in there somewhere. But my god there's so much chaff.

Then you get into the grad school degree maelstorm and...ugh. There are a lot of options. They are split into practical i.e. you want to help people in the real world and clinical i.e. you want to do shitty studies and publish.

I worked both in psychology research (so I got to see how the sausage was made on the ground) and in social work for mental health care and...most of my coworkers at both jobs had some kind of advanced degrees and were making something around $30K doing the same jobs as me. There are far too many people with masters in psychology because they are easy to get and even if you get your LPC they are still way too many people with them with no idea what they are doing. Like you can go to Christian College Number 304 and get your Marriage and Family Therapy masters and come out and have only learned to Pray On It and do some supervised hours and now you're licensed and yeah I worked with these people. (Go get your masters, they told me. It is SO EASY they told me. Uh, yeah that's not winning me over to your program.)

Anyway, if you can't tell I'm jaded. Besides the fact that the field is one that will eat you alive, burn you out, and then spit you up, with no money and no accomplishments. I also deeply loved it even though it destroyed me. (I mean also my spine exploded, which didn't help.)

If you want to do hands-on helping people stuff I like the social work programs out there. And if you want to study hard science of human behavior neuroscience is killing it. Psychology is...IDK. The most hopeful way to look at it is that it's a discipline going through a transitional period maybe. But I'm also fairly out of touch with the field these days so talking to someone actually in the field now would be a good call for further advice. Unfortunately most faculty in my experience are...deeply behind the times. You would not believe the kind of 1960s relics I had to deal with teaching me.

And most of what I learned about mental health I learned on the ground, in mental health crisis work, on the go. Most of psychology doesn't really enjoy dealing with "abnormal psychology". Which is literally the term for people with any mental health diagnosis. I had one class on it.

So that's my entirely personal experience based opinion. For more, look into the replication crisis of psychology research.

[spynorth]

little health update under the cut bc it is going to affect my activity levels both writing wise and ooc. mention of heavy subjects so. you don't have to read <3

so as some may remember from my hook blog, i got super sick in late 2021. It carried over into '22 and eventually led to me finally getting a lot of bloodwork, x rays, an echocardiogram .. literally all kinds of things. the only thing anyone could tell me was i was definitely sick and it was probably something 'minor' (i'm using that term so loosely) like a disorder or something that was no big deal. I've gone in for frequent labwork and things keep getting worse. It was actually my psychiatrist (not my gp. what a shock :| ) who looked closer and referred me to a hematologist oncologist. Sadly, the trend in my blood is getting worse. Despite meds, everything that should be going higher is still getting lower and everything that should be getting lower is going way higher. I got a test back yesterday and I more than likely am going to have to have a bone marrow biopsy (which. don't look that up. fuck.). They are thinking i have Primary Polycythemia which is a rare disorder (for my age group) classified as a blood cancer (again. perfect. not escaping the word lmao) since it involves mutated cells inside the bone marrow fucking up and going on the fritz. Thankfully, I have the best oncologist in the world and she's very thorough and though there are outliers .. survival rate if you get treatment is 14-24 years. That's not bad. It's 14-24 years of chemo rounds and blood transfusions and sometimes removing the equivalent of a blood donation every 2-3 days in the worst case scenarios but like .. you're not dead. so. i think that evens out. The unfortunate thing is survival is 1.5-3 years if untreated/treated improperly and I'm at 1.5 years since everything started. I have headaches, blurred vision, exhaustion, aches, bruising, incessant itching, constant nausea and I'm overheated like all the fucking time. poor hunter is always wrapped in blankets because when we turn the heater on it becomes unbearable for me. My blood pressure sucks for the first time ever in my entire life (I've gone from 109/60 to 150/100 this past friday) and when it pounds in my temples, it's hard to write. and to top it all off, my platelets are so damn high thanks to my bone marrow being fucked up and overproducing that I have to constantly worry about a stroke or embolism or something else just as sinister. So, hopefully, the plan is to get this show on the road and alleviate a lot of things and reverse what's been done.

My point in this is that I'm tired. I want to do things that sometimes my body won't let me do. I have moments where the little box in the corner of my mind I've stored everything in opens and I panic a bit. Am I gonna be grumpy sometimes? fuck yes. I'm not magic. Everyone has bad days/bad moods and you add stuff like this and sometimes i just want to punch things. so i ask for patience. both in replies and ooc communication. I want to talk to all of you. I want to hear about everything same as always, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to reply as quickly as I once did. throughout this whole thing, tumblr/writing has sort of been my getaway because its an escape that I can do while house bound .. and there's this little tiny part of my brain that keeps saying if I'm not active on the dash or making people laugh as much, that I'll fade away and be forgotten about. so i'm just asking that people please not let that be the case. i love you all <3

[toujokaname]

Get Along / Episode 6

Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira

Characters: Arashi, Tatsumi, Kanata, Hokuto, Hiyori

"Though as a unit, we triumphed against Eden, we're still rivals. In the end, I couldn't surpass him."

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Location: Seisoukan Common Room

Season: Winter

Arashi: It's ready, you guys~♪

How about it, take a look at the presentation! I was very careful ♪

Tatsumi: Fufu. Excellent presentation, Arashi-san. I think it looks great.

Arashi: Riight? I love these kinds of delicate tasks ♪

Kanata: The fish I sliced up also turned out to be a part of the "quiche"~

I think it "looks" and "tastes" delicious ♪

Hokuto: Though halfway through, Kazehaya-senpai was doing most of the cooking.

Really, you're pretty dexterous. All I could do was check the heat levels, but do you have cooking expertise as well?

Tatsumi: It's not like that. Since I was hospitalized for a long time after my leg injury, I just paid more attention to meals than others. It's simply the result of my injury.

Well then. Now that we've served everyone—let's eat before it gets cold.

Salmon quiche, Hiyori-san's favorite, and vegetable soup. Served with pickles as garnish.

Hiyori: Yup. It certainly looks perfect! More than enough for amateurs!

The real concern is the taste, though. My tongue can't be easily impressed, you know?

Nom, nom...

Kanata: What do you think? How does the quiche "taste"...? ♪

Hiyori: This taste is...

...Ordinary! Much too ordinary!

I can feel the effort you guys put into this. But as expected, it's hard to make it on the spot, isn't it?

Kanata: I see~ What a "shame".

Tatsumi: We tried our best, but it's no match to what Hiyori-san usually eats.

Hiyori: Yup, it's true. I'll be treating you to a quiche of my recommendation another time, so you can use it as a reference.

But... It made me happy.

The flavor conveyed everyone's sincere feelings, so naturally, it brings a smile to my face—

Fufu, everyone seems to be in a much better mood than yesterday ♪

Hokuto: That's right. At this rate, practice for the reading drama will go smoothly.

We're supposed to perform as five people who get along well. We have to be more closely involved than we usually are.

Hiyori: Mhm, mhm. That's a good goal! Hokuto-kun's "wish" is for the reading drama to be a success. Tatsumi-kun's "wish" is to get along with the members, both of them have made progress ♪

Arashi: Ufufu, that's right. Since I appeared in Kazehaya-senpai's radio show, we've opened up quite a bit to each other. Perhaps I'll tackle my own "wish" next ♪

Kanata: I'd also like to "bathe" with everyone ♪

Hiyori: That's good! Rather than having to work with patience and hardship, the ideal is for everyone to have fun and work toward a single goal.

That's the job of idols who can give hopes and dreams to everyone!

Tatsumi: Fufu. It's Hiyori-san's last job, after all. Everyone can't help but put all their efforts into it. I'm sure the "DJ Classics" episode will turn out wonderfully as well.

(♪~♪~♪~)

Arashi: Oh my, a ringtone...? Sounds like someone's phone is ringing.

Hiyori: ...Oops. Sorry, looks like my parents are calling again. I'm leaving for a bit.

Tatsumi: Understood. If it's going to take a long time, I'll put the food in the freezer—

Hiyori: Ahh, yup. That would be helpful.

I think they're calling me to ask about the preparations for moving out of the dormitory and the selection of a moving company... It's going to take a long time.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to eat without me. We'll meet up at the lesson after this... See you later!

Hokuto: ...Tomoe-senpai. When I see him preparing to move out like this, the realization that he's actually going to retire starts to sink in.

Kanata: That's right~ It was an unexpected "development".

I have been living in the "same room" as "Ohisama"-san. It will make me feel all the more lonely...

Arashi: I get it. Even in Pretty 5, I was always happy to see his cheerfulness and the way he took care of everyone.

I always thought that such fun activities would continue for a long time.

But, I understand that Tomoe-senpai's position doesn't allow for that.

Inheriting the family business, going to a university abroad—those are the normal ways for the son of a distinguished family to live.

Our Tsukasa-chan also persuaded his parents to let him continue to be an idol, but he was super distressed around the time of the Repayment Festival...

Tomoe-senpai must be in a similar situation.

Tatsumi: Being an idol is a relatively new profession. Even if he is one of the best, it would be difficult to get his parents' understanding.

Hokuto: Tomoe-senpai's retirement is a loss for the idol industry.

It's also a personal loss for me. Ever since confronting him at last year's Summer Live, I've admired him as a formidable senior.

Though as a unit, we triumphed against Eden, we're still rivals. In the end, I couldn't surpass him.

At the very least, I'd like to surprise Tomoe-senpai at the end of this job.

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[lovebytheoutlaw]

I propose vandermatthews for the ship meme! :))

Send me a ship and I’ll answer: 

Vandermatthews! This was honestly hard for some of these prompts so I'm sorry if they aren't perfect representation! This is just what I imagine the pair being like in these scenarios! Thank you for your ask!

Who wakes up first? They wake up nearly the same time as each other. Hosea, maybe beats him by a few minutes to half an hour on Dutch's off days. But they're both used to being up early to make sure camp is running smoothly

Who is grumpiest in the morning? Dutch for sure! Hosea can have his moments, but once he gets some coffee and food in him, he's good to go! Hosea has to bring Dutch his coffee, and he'll tease and joke with him a lot to try and get him to smile. It usually works.

Who cooks breakfast? If Pearson doesn't, usually Hosea. But it's nothing fancy considering there isn't much breakfast items around. Eggs are usually the main morning food if they're lucky enough to collect them, and the chickens aren't on strike.

Who serves the other breakfast in bed? Breakfast in bed wouldnt have been a normal occurance, but Hosea. Dutch will if he gets around before him. And he'll actually be very thoughtful doing so, making sure everything looks presentable, and perfect.

Who suggests the skip work and stay home? I can't see either of them doing this really as their work isn't exactly something they can skip. But if Hosea sees Dutch is getting frustrated with things not going smoothly, he and Dutch will end up spending the day talking leisurely, and maybe even a fishing trip.

Who falls asleep on top of the other? Dutch will fall asleep on top of Hosea quite often. Whether his heads rested upon the older man's shoulder, or in his lap, he's fast asleep while Hosea holds him.

Who always has to be touching the other? Honestly, I see this as a tie. Both aren't super into pda, but when they are in the mood for physical contact, they're extreme about it! Holding hands is one of their favorite gestures. It's just enough to let the other know they were right there, even if they were occupied doing something else with their free hand.

Who stays up until 2 reading? DUTCH! Hosea ends up having to rip the book out of his hands, blowing the lantern out for Dutch to get the hint. Even then, Dutch has pretended to sleep until he knew Hosea was fast asleep before sneaking the book back to read more.

Who kisses their partner while they’re sleeping? It's a tie. But Dutch probably does it a little more. Not that Hosea neglects to do so. More so, he's not all there in when he first wakes up. But if Dutch has his face to his when his groggy eyes open, he'll place a gentle kiss on the other man's resting lips.

Who is most adventurous? Hosea for sure! Hunting is a huge hobby for the man, and so he's found comfort in traveling widely, and accepting a challenge for his trophy. Ducth, as dramatic he is with his big views in his head, is for sure a homebody. Campbody if you will.

Who is most protective? Oh God, they definitely compete to see who's most protective it seems sometimes! The ways they show this off are slightly different. Hosea will use his words, threatening any unfortunate soul who tries to challenge his partner. While Dutch will straight up resort to either a fight, or straight up challenging them to a fast draw. If the sucker actually accepted, he definitely loses, barely getting his hand on his gun.

Who cares too much? Dutch. But he goes overboard. As we've seen, Dutch only lives in extremes. When he hates, he hates with everything he has. And that's the same as when he cares. He let's it destroy his sanity. Hosea cares a healthy amount.

Who is most competitive? Dutch. Hosea can be, but Dutch is a sore loser, which leads to Hosea letting him think he's won quite a bit. But not all the time. Hosea can also be a sore loser himself depending if he's actually having to try.

Who sings in the shower? Dutch. 100% Dutch.

Who is more likely to get naughty in inappropriate places? I could imagine Dutch hinting at it, and Hosea only makes it worse by going along with it, and teasing him. They wait until they're in private, but they've gotten close.

Rate this ship: 8.5/10. Most likely toxic towards the end especially. Hosea kept Dutch sane.

[blysse-and-blunder]

midweek commonplace book: the rough drafts

5pm, wednesday, june 28, 2023

it's been over a month since i drafted the following ilcb post, and here i am again, in the same coffee shop i was in back then, again avoiding working on a cover letter for a course instructorship position. in the intervening time, i a) got that job b) taught that whole class, c) took a weekend trip to see a friend get married, and d) am now applying for the next one! figured it was time to open the vault (my chaotic drafts folder) and let these musings see the light of day. maybe it's the key to my success.

edits and new text below in [brackets] to preserve the original draft's ~authenticity~. XD

in lieu of a commonplace book: may day

3pm sunday, april 30 -- 6pm sunday, may 7, 2023

it's rainy and there are so many flowers starting to emerge in the neighborhood, and i've been cozily reading escapist fantasy instead of writing my syllabus or facing the future head on.

reading since i last made one of these posts, i've finished reading the following: the golden enclaves by naomi novik (audio), the jasmine throne by tasha suri, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid (audio), dial a for aunties by jesse sutanto (audio), and the tyrant baru cormorant by seth dickinson. this not being exclusively a book review series, unfortunately, we're just going to talk about the [left out the title but did include the picture so we know it was at the feet of the sun by victoria goddard!].

[i think i failed to actually write out my thought about this one because a number of people who follow me (@spoonierbard, @hematiterings) were either reading it or were about to start reading it, and i didn't want to color their experiences. i was also not entirely sure how i felt about it? i think i went in with expectations this time, which is a recipe for disappointment-- and i also had actual literary 'critique' thoughts primed and ready, as opposed to the pure vibes and pleasure with which i approached hote. overall-- and i say this as someone who reads and loves fan fiction-- it felt like reading fan fiction, ambitious, self-indulgent, big focus on relationships and feelings, and with a definite Point to Make. a behemoth of a book, and full of things to love--but less transcendent, for me, than its precursor. happy to expand on these feelings in a pm!]

listening

[i didn't write anything here, but i did include the two videos below. both were new to me this spring-- i never had a fallout boy phase in high school, please don't laugh, so it was very exciting to fall in love with first so much for stardust and then, at the recommendation of my housemate g, this track from folie a deux. 'disloyal order of water buffaloes']

[i think both of these songs are saying something about the mood i was in this spring-- yearning? defiant? a little pissed off? "hundred days" was a sptify recommendation, and fuck if they didn't get me in one. i have since investigated the duo behind the album a little and realized i have... possible thoughts, about their oeuvre, about making art out of their relationship, but this particular song unfortunately goes extremely hard for folk so i am compelled to love it! there's just something about the main melodic hook, the plaintive/desperate tone of some of the lyrics (especially 'i want / a hundred days / of bright light' each! time!), and the way there's so much going on in the arrangement at 2:34 ish-- i wish the rest of the album was as good as this one track. i want a hundred good days! of bright light! I do regularly think about things i'm trying or striving for and think "I want ! a hundred days !" of whatever it is. At least 100 days. there's something almost reminiscent of tiffany aching to this, for me-- using your selfishness/unvarnished wants to motivate you.]

watching taking a break from prestige tv!... with more prestige tv. started severance while my fellow succession and ted lasso-viewing housemate is out of the country. i love the stylization, the aesthetic, the eeriness! this is what i was hoping don't worry darling (2022) would be, in terms of combining a mid-century aesthetic with our main characters working for some enigmatic brain-washing Company or Project. Lumon better not be a simulation-- as i discovered back in january, i like it when there's some *there* there, when the conspiracy is actually as trippy as it seems, i understand that sometimes people want to write misdirection but man i am sad anytime something was all an illusion after all. also watched a bit of the first season of the gilded age and the first truly wild episode of mrs. davis with another housemate; there is no witty comparison or fun snappy one-liner i can come up with about these two.

[the above remains true-- i just watched a bit more severance yesterday! there was a massive cliffhanger just where i stopped, but the tone of the show is so Much that i actually was glad for the break. don't get me wrong-- i love how stylized it all is, still, i love the aesthetic and all the visual and verbal details that build up to mad-men-esque 60s office culture-horror, it's fantastic. getting that little extra moment with dichen lachman's character and hearing her talk about her experience was...gutting... but my favorite character continues to be devon.]

[playing]

[triumphant return to both dnd campaigns in the past week or so! it hasn't been entirely my fault that neither group met for most of the past six weeks, but i didn't help. campaign B had our one-year anniversary on sunday! one of the players went really overboard and commissioned a bunch of beautiful cards and badges and coins for us and our characters' little secret organization!! we broke the dm's screen door briefly and saw how big her baby has gotten!! we cried over @dimir-charmer's wedding dress! we successfully escaped the wild west!]

[making]

[didn't even draft this section. i thing i had just fixed...something, but who remembers what. pro cooking tip, leftover tortilla soup can become poor grad student shakshuka so easily. two eggs + in a pan + simmer = profit]

[working on]

[aforementioned cover letter for a course instructorship for next fall is due tomorrow. technically there are two i could be going for, both of which have definite pros and cons, but i'm pouring all this time and angst into one and just kinda forgot about the other? also i'm grading for two different classes, figuring out how to have sooo many tabs open at the same time and how to juggle spreadsheets+answer key+word+ pdf reader all at the same time. oh for the days of paper submissions, you know? last but not least, i am desultorily staring at the manuscript + outline for my conference paper for next month (less than a month now! fuck!) for like an hour a day, and making very little practical progress on it. so.