#It's completely impossible of course
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The overwhelming urge to make up excuses to talk to someone when you have a crush
#don't judge me please#this is my first crush in 6 years#It's completely impossible of course#but I've decided to enjoy it for another week or so
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prince Fitz au... I love him a lot
#my art#rote#realm of the elderlings#robin hobb#fitzchivalry farseer#sorry i was supposed to put a whole long text from the au here but i just..... sigh#my brain is not doing very well at the moment so writing Things is impossible.....#can only draw...#one fun thing is i realised prince fitz would... not be named Fitz of course... he'd have a completely different name
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Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.
G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.
An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........
#the unwanted guest#the unwanted guest spoilers#the locked tomb#ianthe tridentarius#augustine the first#pyrrha dve#palamedes sextus#this series is going to make me lose my mind completely one day (affectionate)#the locked tomb meta#the fact that ianthe seems to have had some genuine admiration for augustine makes my head spin. of course though.#of course she sees the person who looks the most like he's successfully made himself impervious to the world#utterly untouchable and impossible to hurt because he isn't even really there#and she believes it! even after seeing the john mercy augustine mess at the end! because it's such a seductive idea#when you've stuck yourself in an inevitable ocean of pain to think you could make yourself numb enough that it doesn't matter#it's the emotional equivalent of 'oh there's water all around? well I just won't breathe in then. easy lmao get on my level'#she holds on to that thing from him even when it's been proved to be both impossible and ultimately untrue even in him#because uh. oh I'm about to be kind of sad for ianthe what the fuck is going on. he might actually have been the closest thing#to parental and especially paternal affection she's ever known. certainly known enough to try to model herself after#IMAGINE how fucked up the nine houses must be when augustine the first registers for anyone as a model of psychological survival#ianthe do you really want to be yourself completely so much that you're willing to be nothing. I mean yeah probably but. oh my god#gaining nothing at the cost of everything
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elden ring attracting so much attention from audiences that usually wouldn't touch a fromsoft game has been so annoying when it comes to discussions about its story.
like maybe ironic considering grrm was involved in the writing this time, but the response to elden ring & specifically SOTE feels very similar to what happened with game of thrones, where the story is pretty explicitly about the dangers & violence & cruelty inherent in certain systems of power, and 95% of the audience response is to look at that & be like "wow i hope my fave character gets to be the good ruler who fixes everything because they're so cool & nice :D"
#elden ring#like for all the myriad countless flaws of grrm's writing (of which there are so so many)#the ASOIAF series was always consistent about how the pursuit for the throne was uhh. bad (<- understatement)#and despite the complete lack of sublety about this it went over soo many people's heads#to the point where it became impossible to talk about what ASOIAF was even really about because#people had just made up a version in their heads where girlbossing their way to the throne was the point of the story and#how characters ''won'' the narrative#and if u said anything to the contrary ppl acted like you were too stupid to understand the story#and the same thing is happening with SOTE where like#of course its not perfect but cmon....its such a clear narrative about deeply entrenched societal violence that repeats & is reenacted#over & over#by different people despite different motivations#the repetition (there are spirals everywhere!!!)#the fact that miquella was doomed to failure for trying to create change by taking his mother's place#those are not failures of writing!!
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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TOMMY: Arthur, Frances was right. Linda was here today.
#peaky blinders#tvedit#peakyblindersgifs#don't like this at all but this scene is impossible to capture in gifs#had to omit a lot of tommy's (very anxious) reactions (like the cyanide capsule for example)#but it is such an interesting insight into their relationship and one that fandom tends to miss#any kind of 'authority' tommy has over arthur is the one he grants him (out of his own desire to abdicate responsibility)#he's not the cowed oppressed mindlessly servile party in that relationship#and the hierarchy here is telling as well#arthur threatens tommy because he knows he can do that and that it will work#tommy of course makes the dubious decision of telling him about linda's whereabouts; there's certainly a culpability here in enabling#his abusive behaviour towards his wife#but here's the reason for it too: if tommy doesn't help him get linda back he'll be tommy's problem. that *is* the threat#and tommy can't even bargain with him: he has to tell him now and not later. just gets completely steamrolled lol#it's not like arthur always acts like that but it's important to understand that he can and does
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AZ was unhealthily attached to Floette in the same way Xan was unhealthily attached to AZ 💔 it just happens to be easier to tell when you're on the receiving end of this behavior vs. when you're the one perpetrating it 😔
#hope talks#Xanthos#a scene i keep envisioning is like...#'Xan's clinginess becomes so intolerable to AZ that he ends up berating Xan about it'#(and of course its completely understandable why Xan's clinginess is an issue it's really really bad for both of them)#(but you know. its the issue of AZ going about addressing it in the worst possible way he could 😭 it coming out in a moment of frustration#rather than a desire to have an actual conversation...(#and when Floette attempts to comfort Xan... AZ calls her away from him!#of course for AZ it's like... 'you don't have to worry about him. he'll be fine'#but there's also an underlying childish 'you're MY friend. not his!!'#i really like the idea that AZ loves Floette and their friendship/sibling relationship is the most important thing in the world to him#but there were also times where he was a bad friend to her 💔 which is something a bit... inevitable! unfortunate as that is#it's impossible for something to be good all the time even if overall#it was a positive relationship for both of them...#Floette is Very patient and Very forgiving which are traits both her brothers lack 😭#(but don't get it twisted she can be petty and childish too... she contains multitudes!)
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apparently my all time favorite character dynamic is 'four dysfunctional idiots metaphorically or literally go to hell'
#theyre pretty different pieces of media of course but i do feel strongly about this common thread between them#get four flawed people with an array of personality types put them in a completely hopless situation let them pressure cook for a while#and then watch them confront their issues and defy impossible odds#..ideally
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you should kill yourself if you spend 12 minutes sorting around your notes on your desk, making sure they look messy but also the prettiest ones are on top, posing your textbook open and having the most "academia" looking web page or lecture slides on your laptop screen before taking a picture and posting it on your social media story while quietly scrolling through songs to put with it.
#every time exam season comes around#people do this religiously#i hate it profusely it's so incredibly vain and pointless#you're like the people who go to the library for an epic study day and set up your big environment#only to sit on your phone for 5 hours#have the humility to be honest about your study habits and what works and what doesn't#i feel like its a form of cognitive dissonance this type of stuff and a form of lying to themselves#which is the one person you should always be brutally honest to#txt#i plan ahead and give myself so much extra time because i know my time efficiency is dogshit and i compensate for that#i try to avoid talking to other people about studying and i try to insulate myself when i am#of course for med school it's impossible not to talk about it as your classmates will bring it up in every third conversation#which opens the pandora's box of listening to other people talk about it which is atrocious as all people ever take away from it is#'oh my god everyone is doing so much more i'm so behind'#which isn't true everyone is in their own variation of hell just slightly different#i try to block it out completely when i can#med students have this annoying tendency to group themselves into these circles of self feeding despair and nervousness#i mean all of med insta is full of dogshit memes like this of the same 'le epic med stress' memes#kill yourselves you people are self fulfilling prophecies#josef lada ice these fools#to chce klid#as the man said#a taky trošku sebevědomí#and also not listening or giving a fuck what anyone else is doing#každý ma svůj systém a svůj styl#and have a life outside of this as well
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wondering if there's a character who HASN'T done the Do in heels. ????
#absolutely this thought came up bc i saw shadow lineage yakumo bang eiden while holding him up against the rocks#i looked down and saw yakumo was wearing heels!? for the first time??#ah. no wonder he was extra tall this time#i was saying to myself... how? doesn't it hurt your legs? GEEZ yokai heel wearing abilities are something else#i find heels extraordinarily painful. idk if it's the untrained calf muscles or what#so i had to sit in admiration and awe for a bit. wow! look at him go!#then i wondered... have ALL of them accomplished this impossible (for me) feat?#Quincy would never ? probably??#is it because they're impractical? not great for traversing rough terrain?#idk i'll let the quincy experts weigh in#but i started listing off the characters who HAVE done the do flawlessly in those painful shoes#edmond naturally. kuya of course. maid blade.#i haven't unlocked enough rooms to know#does garu wear heels? would he hate them? would he wear them and be completely unbothered bc his calves are the most powerful of all time?#DOES EIDEN EVER WEAR HEELS?#eiden in stilettos when???#i am torn between eiden beautifully strutting around with the confidence of a drag queen#and eiden tripping after a single step on slightly elevated heels#he can do both. depending on his mood#and depending on who's nearby to conveniently catch him if he were to fall oh so dramatically
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HOW am i meant to find photo reference for my stupid underfed old sweatshirt too-short jeans currently living his sad backstory 17-year old looser boy? What are the search terms for this?
#how#this is impossible#this is about an oc if that wasn't already clear#am I just supposed to go to public places and look for people?????#HOW do you look up 'ill-fitting jeans' references#i suspect you don't I am made to suffer#all this because I need something/one else to thumbnail for an assignment because the character I WAS gonna do it with is already past the#thumbnail stage apparently#given I can't thumbnail her#I'm in the refinement stage with her#Willber could still do with some fundamental conceptualization#but how am I supposed to do that EFFECTIVELY without REFERENCES#rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm just going to have to settle for completely wrong references and fix them myself aren't I?#i might give up on either of them for this assignment and do something completely unrelated#just so the darn art mentor I'm not on the same page with doesn't get to say irrelevant and useless things about my personal art projects#only one more month and then I'm out#not a waste of money but I'm disappointed that this [online art course] doesn't seem to be a useful path to take#I just want a dang PATH#why do I have to keep TRYING#just give me a clear goal and insurmountable enemies I'll stick to it#feather rants
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im going to lay here and think about pond family cuddle piles until i fall asleep
#and i shall paint u a picture before i go. ahem.#one must imagine of course that rory is the natural foundation of the cuddle pile#he is not very squishy or padded well for laying on but he can sit still for long periods of time. which is not a skill 2/3 of the others#have and to be honest river only Arguably has it when she knows she’s getting something out of it at the end#so rory is the foundation whom all others lay on top of#and once he’s down amy is too and she is going to sprawl all over on top of him if the doctor doesn’t claim some space quickly. she will#take all of the rory for herself. she is greedy and also wants to be comfy.#amy pond face squished into her husband in a way that should make it impossible to breathe and with her arms and legs all tangled around him#in ways that should not be comfortable and yet. rory is used to this. he likes it.#i think eleven cuddles like dogs do when they get on the couch with you and your lap isn’t free so they sort of lay next to you and push the#their back up against your side as hard as they can and stretch out and sigh. and eventually wiggle their head into your lap anyway.#thats how eleven snuggles. belly up and paws out. if he can wriggle under amy’s arm where she’s got it hooked around rory? even better#and then river. and river’s the hardest to get into the cuddle pile for many Many reasons but. i think there’s a foolproof way the three of#them have found how to do it. and it involves first the doctor flopping on top of amy and rory and looking so so cute and cuddly and making#happy relaxed noises to tempt river over. and then involves rory scooching beneath the two of them to make it ibvious that there’s room for#river if she wants it. and then when she does get lured down with them. its amy who finds her and squirms over closer to hold her. eyes shut#pretending she’s asleep and doesn’t know she’s doing it.#river’s never at ease at first but she has to let herself. the doctor moves to lay more of his weight on her as well as rory and ground her.#team (family) effort to get river to let her guard down completely and relax.#in the most normal family way ever aksjfkfjskd which is why amy is clinging onto her like River’ll disappear if she lets go#nornal family. normal cuddling. i think they all pet the doctor like a puppy while theyre doing this
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while i obviously love the idea of eula and jean being paired with each other… i am also kind of obsessed with the dynamic where the yearning is extremely one-sided on eula’s part. or perhaps something with even more potential flavor… mutual yearning over the course of several years, but neither of them fully acting on it because they’re Repressed 👀
#i’m just OBSESSED with the idea of them getting along so well and genuinely enjoying each other’s company#but at the same time… feeling completely distanced from each other?#they both desire a deeper connection (whether they’d admit it or not) but there are SO many things that just make it seem impossible#both external and internal factors#so even if they’re standing in the same room they somehow feel leagues away from each other#and in their minds they’ve tried to settle with a basic friendly and professional relationship… they’d try to suppress their own feelings#and OF COURSE they would be completely oblivious
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(call to action from jewish federations of canada) No it doesnt. No it fucking does not feel like 1933 in any way whatsoever, in no material way. “we” dont feel that way, what is this we. Literally the spinelessness and constant frothy pithy bullshit that comes from zionists doesnt stop surprising me. It goes on to ask the canadian government to pledge further support for israel’s war which “we didn’t ask for”. you didnt ask for? ohhh youre just a tiny baby it wasnt israel’s fault and if it was then they deserved it and we have to show our power and there was nothing to be done et cetera. Anxious and scared :(((( you fucking freakish craven lunatics
#kill yourselves#it’s crazy how zionists like my dad have really whipped themselves into total traumatized fear over it for real. Like the feelings on their#part are real? he really is completely freaked out and terrified and thinks hes in danger#and i dont know how to be like. You’re not. of course antisemitism will always exist here and im sure has been rising to some extent#but the total annihilation you believe to be coming is not coming. Pro palestinian university students do not want to murder you#it’s so impossible to tell someone feeling those genuine feelings that they’re just. Wrong. but they are
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look ok i'm unreasonably proud of my spontaneous last-minute idea to make the two-tier-dropdown arrows do a little spinny.
so now you all have to look at it.
i'm very tired just let me have this one.
#data structures for assholes#this is MINI DEATH BLITZ PROJECT 2#SORTA MAYBE LOOKING CLOSE TO COMPLETION KIND OF A LITTLE#but of course i know that's actually impossible this will never end i will be in mini death work blitz forever & ever & then i'll die (: (:
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duolingo is good for learning new vocab words and fucking nothing else also its riddled with grammatical errors in pretty much anything but spanish french and german xoxo. anyways sorry to come to your inbox with duolingo hate
No dude god I used to be so into Duolingo and it's really upsetting how it is now
Before I got into Japanese, I was learning Norwegian through Duolingo starting back around 2013. I'd always wanted to study another language and it drove me bananas that the American school system sux so bad at teaching them. I picked Norwegian because it was, at the time, the longest non-Spanish/French/German course and the icon was three giant-ass swords (Sverd i fjell) and I love big sword.
Anyway, I got REALLY FAR into the course and Duolingo just kept rolling out these changes that made things worse and worse as time went on lol Some of the stuff was pretty good, like when they got rid of random photos for vocabulary questions and switched to illustrations. But they kept tweaking the trees and making modules longer without making them better, then started putting things behind paywalls that used to be free features, launching new courses instead of finishing existing ones...
I switched to Japanese around 2016 and that tree was a hot mess, they absolutely rushed it out to get people to download the app for the Olympics held in Japan at the time. Funnily enough, the main contributor to the Norwegian course ended up going to the Japanese course. The version of the tree near when I stopped using it was finally getting kinda alright.
And then they went from a branched tree to a straight line. Literally why. I was about halfway through the course and it dumped me onto random modules with content I hadn't learned yet.
Duolingo is so close to being a wonderful learning app but it's clear that they just want people to subscribe and buy the microtransactions and that they don't actually care about teaching or preserving languages. If they did, the Navajo and Hawaiian courses wouldn't have launched in such threadbare shape and then sat like that since, while the High Valerian and Klingon courses updated.
#asks#I get that the courses were made/done by volunteers but they changed that too#With how much money Duolingo makes there is zero reason for these courses not to all be at least good enough-#-to teach enough of the language for someone to be able to order a meal or ask for directions in by the time the complete the tree#I haven't used Norwegian in a reeeeaaaallly long time so I don't remember it hardly at all....#It's a fun language though. I miss it sometimes.... Finding media in it was borderline impossible though :'(#Never got to use it outside of the Norsk subreddit and like a small handful of TV shows/books
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