#It's been stressing me out and making me procrastinate because it's about to become relevant

[asexualasshat]

He lives and he deserves a joyous life but I can't decide which way to go with it

[eesmot]

DES 302 Week 6 - Monday 19th August

For this reflection entry I have decided to try an alternate reflective model. I have chosen the Gibbs’ Reflective Cycle. This entry will cover the last couple weeks as I didn’t make an entry the week prior. The last couple weeks have been interesting and transformative for my capstone, in ways both positive and negative.

Description 

In the past week I have pivoted my idea from being football to a more historical, broader idea. I have been able to attend class a lot more thanks to doing slightly better with my anxiety, so talking to Xin helped me to contextualise my project and explore an idea that might not only be better suited to the stream, but to my own designerly strengths. I had made a lot of progress with my previous idea, so altering it at this half-way stage is dangerous, but I think that a lot of my work so far is transferable, My new idea is still in its early stages, but will use design to allow Aucklanders to imagine the future of their green spaces amidst climate change and its impact on the CBD. 

Figure 1. Miro Board Weeks 4 to 6

Note: Relevant sections of my Miro board to this reflection.

Feelings

Obviously making this decision invites a lot more stress. I was behind with my previous idea so changing again ostensibly makes it seem like it’ll be even more difficult. But I feel more confident after making the decision to change, with an idea I’m more inspired by. I think the work will become easier and the ideas will flow more naturally. I was unsure for a while as well whether to change, but I then decided to take a while to think about it, sleep on it, et cetera. This helped me make sure I was making the right decision, and it is a choice I feel confident about now looking back. 

Evaluation

I think what went well is definitely my discussion with Xin. For a variety of reasons I had missed a lot of class, most notably my previous presentation because of my anxiety. But having a proper chat with Xin made me feel a lot more confident having that support, particularly as I felt not so great after missing another presentation from this year. The not so great is still my general progress, it is still not good enough and I haven’t really addressed what I set out to change in my previous long form reflection. There is still a lot of room to improve and alter my process.

Analysis

I think things have gone well in regards to the idea for many of the reasons I have already mentioned. I used all of the support and resources available to me in the course that I hadn’t been using before. Making use of this support has allowed me to better visualise my project and the direction I want to take it. What hasn’t gone well is the aforementioned progress, and I think that is because I didn’t follow my own last step of my previous reflection. I didn’t carry out my action plan well enough. In the end, I don’t think it is the end of the world. I know the way my mind works. I know I give in to procrastination and delay too much, and that that is an aspect of my personality/mental health I should maybe get checked. However, I also know that I am a high achiever and more often than not create outcomes in both design and wider academic work that I am really pleased with. But I want that to be consistent and not just be the product of a last minute dash at the finish line. 

I decided to read through Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination which provided some valuable insight into procrastinatory thinking, something I have somehow never looked into despite being a habitual procrastinator for most of my academic life. It talks about how procrastination is often rooted in anxiety, it provides an inbuilt excuse for people who partake in it. Whether or not I fully believe this I am unsure, there are of course a myriad of complex mental health reasons one could lack the focus to work for a lengthy period of time. But it is still valuable to think about this aspect of my personality. There were also methods to dealing with procrastination that were of some substance. The article discussed time management techniques, and how some can actually increase stress. I always try to do the same sort of time management that often fails. The article also discusses creating productive motivation, motivation that will inspire me personally, not necessarily the typical reasons like grades and the like. 

Conclusion

I’ve learnt that I need to be confident in my decisions, and that they will usually bring about positive changes for my project. I’ve also learnt that my weaknesses shouldn't be completely debilitating failures and that there are methods and techniques to find success and have a positive experience with my project in spite of them. This is made evident by my brief investigation into Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination and the strategies that it proposed. 

Action plan

I think next time I would’ve started working with these resources far earlier, had a longer committed period to ideation and exploring concepts outside of my ideas in order to pick up more information that could inspire. I am going to work on overcoming procrastination methods, making more customised to-do lists. Luckily I have the mid-semester break coming up to plan and action these ideas. 

References:

The McGraw Center for Teaching & Learning. (n.d). Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination. https://mcgraw.princeton.edu/undergraduates/resources/resource-library/understanding-and-overcoming-procrastination

[skullvis]

I’m trying to determine if I have adhd because SOOOO much of what I’ve seen described on here is stuff that I relate to on a very deep level-like at this point even if I don’t have it, I still feel like I at least need help dealing with some of this stuff cause I can’t seem to break the habit of some of these things, I’m making this list mostly for my own record so that I can refer back to it if I get counseling—

Keeping my space clean-I’ll drop stuff on the floor as soon as I get home, always telling myself I’ll clean it up “a little later”. A month later the stuff is still there and hasn’t been touched, and there’s a good chance there’s more stuff that’s been added to it. Same thing happens with kitchen stuff. I’ll put dishes in the sink and then ignore them until they literally become a disgusting moldy mess. Then I finally clean them but feel guilt for letting it get that bad in the first place.

Procrastinating-I procrastinate on things I need to get done, sometimes for days/weeks/months if possible. Then I feel guilty for procrastincating and rush to get everything done at once, which often makes me super stressed or causes me to breakdown.

Hyperfocusing (?)-I’m gonna call this hyperfocusing cause I don’t know what else it could be. Ever since I was small, if I find something I like, I focus on it for YEARS and it becomes my favorite thing. When I was younger it was mostly cartoons like Pokémon, Power Puff Girls and Jackie Chan Adventures, and then I graduated to Naruto and anime in general. The other side of this was me getting extremely focused on doing things like drawing/playing video games. To this day if I start a drawing and “get in the groove” while making it, I can’t stop until I’ve finished it, even if I need to go to the bathroom/take a shower/eat, I’ll keep drawing. This also happens with puzzle games and video games in general. I often lose sleep because of this, even when I plan to or want to go to bed early. I keep telling myself “just 10 minutes more” until suddenly it’s 1:30 am and I have to work tomorrow at 8.

Volume control- I don’t think this is a thing that happens with everyone and am not even sure it is connected with adhd at all, but I’ve always had a really hard time realizing how loud my voice is. When I was a kid my mom would constantly tell me “inside voice!” and even now my friends often tell me “you don’t have to shout” when I didn’t even realize I was shouting. This happens the most when I’m excited or happy about something. It kinda sucks because it’s something I’ve become very self-conscious about and usually feel bad when someone tells me to be quieter

Stimming (?) -I don’t know what else to call this, so if it’s a word only for autistic people to use please let me know. When I am especially anxious or my anxiety is triggered, I tap on things, to mimic “knocking on wood”. I’ll tap on anything but if there IS a wooden surface available I prefer to use it. I have to knock 12 times twice and then knock 24 times. Alternatively if I lose count I can stop at 33 and if I space out and miss 33 then I have to go to 50. I usually don’t space out at 50 but if I do then I’ll go to 100. This usually calms me down, but I will also repeat the pattern for a while if I think it’s necessary.

Time Management- I have a difficult time managing my time (lol) Its not unusually for me to be late or, extremely early. I often misjudge how long it will take me to do a task or get someplace. Or I forget to factor in certain things like the time it will take me to get from my room to the car, or the possibility of there being traffic/red lights. Taking tests was difficult if it was a subject I wasn’t good at, because I often felt like I didn’t have enough time to work on certain problems.

Thoughts Gone Fucking BONKERS- I have a really hard time with overthinking things. I overthink things pretty much constantly. While this can be a good thing-thinking about story ideas or character designs or fun stuff is nice cause I can keep thinking of new concepts or ideas for a long time- if I get focused on a negative or upsetting thought, it can stick with me for years and affect my daily life by making me anxious. I often lay in bed at night just trying to quiet my mind so I can get some dang sleep, and if I’m thinking hard enough about something I will actually not hear when people are talking to me.

Collecting/Hoarding- I can’t remember exactly if this is something that actually coincides with adhd, but I collect shit like crazy and have a VERY hard time letting stuff go. I don’t know if Marie Kondo would be able to help me because EVERYTHING sparks joy in me, and so how could I get rid of anything? I have stacks of little papers and postcards and movie tickets at my house because I tell myself I’ll use them to decorate the walls but usually they just end up in a pile of stuff I forget about.

Misreading/Mispronouncing/Skipping words when writing- I don’t have dyslexia, and learned to read easily enough, but I often misread words entirely or skip words when writing things and then don’t notice till later.

These are just some things I wanted to make note of. I am planning on talking to a counselor/psychiatrist when I get home, and want to have an organized-ish list of stuff that I feel is relevant so I don’t forget everything.

[confusedhost-archive]

Coffeeshop Au

She-Ra coffeeshop au because I said so:

Everyone works at one of two shops: Hoard or Princess Alliance

At the very beginning, it shows Adora, a normal human, and her friend Catra (everyone looks the same, has the same powers) in the breakroom chatting, and then they switch shifts with Kyle, Rogilio and whatever her name is- I can’t remember- 

Yay! You get to meet Shadow Weaver, who is being very rude to the girls because her coffee was too hot (and also because Catra made it and no one is allowed to make her coffee except Adora)

Adora ends up missing a day and gets fired, which is immediately met with distaste from Shadow Weaver

Adora gets a new job at The Princess Alliance

Quickly becomes friends with Glimmer and Bow, but Glimmer’s mom, the owner of the cute shop, is less happy with her, as she looks like a gangster

Catra has mixed feelings about Adora not being at work, as she is now able to get promoted to manager beside Scorpia, but also she doesn’t see Adora like, ever, anymore

Adora’s aunt, Mara, died recently, and LightHope, Mara’s wife, came over to give Adora a charm with the words She-Ra carved in the side. 

Adora promises to visit the farm and see LightHope soon

With the knowledge that she has a bit of her mother figure still with her, Adora throws herself into baking, creating her newest pastry: She-Ra

Was named after the charm!

It is the best thing anyone has ever tasted. They sell out quick, and become Adora’s special (All the princess’ have specials, they’re at the bottom of the post)

Aight, so Entrapta misses a couple days, didn’t call in sick, and was fired

Immediately picked up by Hoard and now has a new job! Stuck with Catra and Scorpia until Catra got promoted

Afterwards she met Hordak, and they started talking 

and then they started flirting in their cute roundabout way

Hordak had to leave for a few days because Imp needed to go to the hospital, he left Catra in charge (She’s manager anyway, but now she had free reign)

With Double Trouble’s help, Catra made a fake resigning form for Entrapta while firing her

While this is going on, everyone gets word about Prime Restaurant chain wanting to set up in the area. Hordak would like to sell his shop for them, but first he needs to get another place to set up (He only decides this after he comes back, and he needs something to do after learning that someone he thought he had a connection with just left)

Entrapta hasn’t really let it sink in that she’s unemployed. Goes to get a coffee from a starbucks nearby, name and coffee get mixed up with someone named Micah. (Think when she stole his bug)

Start talking, then bow and Adora just speed walk into the shop like, “Hey Entrapta, would you like to be hired for Princess Alliance again?”

(Bow is also kinda like “Hey wtf, is that you, Micah?” And Micah’s like, “Hey, Bow, is that you?”)

And Entrapta’s like, “Hired? Oh, uh sorry, I have to- oh.” and its suddenly sinking in that she doesn’t work at Hoard anymore and (excuse me if this isn’t what would actually happen but it happened not to long ago so I’m just giving it to Entrapta rn) she is kinda just moving around and kinda just trying to get away from anything touching her because it all just feels horrible against her skin and shiz

and she just kinda goes “Yes, I’d like to be hired, but please leave me alone right now, I’d like to not be touched,” and so Bow and Adora kind of hesitantly go away and Micah stays walking her through her (I don’t know what this is. Touch aversion? A mild panic attack? A depressive episode?)

Anyway, cut away, and now we see Adora and Bow sitting on the roof of the cafe. Talking, thinking about life, doing a bit of college homework. Adora is playing with her charm, and then she drops it and it shatters. Obviously, she’s freaking out, that’s the only thing she has of Mara and it means so freaking much to her

Bow is trying to help and is gathering up the shards, and finds a little piece of paper among it all. Adora reads it and completely breaks down crying. No one knows what it says but her (which is to say I don’t know what it says)

Takes a break for a couple days, going to LightHope, her aunt, and 

(In this time, Entrapta has reluctantly gone back to work, Micah has procrastinated around seeing his ex-wife and daughter, Angela has packed up for a plane trip, Hordak is having trouble finding another place to set up shop, and Prime restaurant chain is moving in)

Adora comes back with a new fire and an upgrade to her She-ra pastry, tastes even better now

Micah finally got the courage to go see his family, only to find out that Angela had just left for a trip that morning. (They get the news that the plane had an accident and Angela didn’t survive later in the evening)

Afterwards, Glimmer moves out of the cafe, finding it to be too empty. This leaves the top floor of the cafe completely open. She’s living with Bow and Adora now!

Scorpia, a panicking second manager of Hoard cafe, is juggling running the cafe, keeping Catra in check and finding a new place 

Double Trouble, as is their job for the owner, finally fills out their form on what had happened while Hordak was away. He finally learns that Entrapta didn’t leave him. 

Scorpia goes to the Princess Alliance and tells them that she heard their top floor was open. She’s desperate

It takes a few times to get them to agree, but the Princess Alliance realize that there’s no point in fighting like this. After a few more hours of haggling with the cost, Scorpia turns to leave

She comes back after a couple seconds. “Um, actually, is Entrapta here?”

Scorpia and Entrapta come back into Hoard cafe, chatting. Hordak walks out of the back, holding Imp. Entrapta looks over and sees him. She just jumps him, helping both of them stay up and holding Imp with her hair. 

“Did you hear the news?” She laughs

Scorpia jumps in, telling Hordak how they found a place for the shop to go; right above the Princess Alliance. Entrapta is really helping Scorpia sell it, but Catra is getting upset. 

“No! We’re enemies or whatever, right? We shouldn’t be sharing space with them!” 

Hordak has already given his okay. “I’m sure we’ll be able to become closer, Catra, it should be alright.”

Catra is extremely reluctant about all of this, but while they’re setting up in the top area, she’s beginning to rekindle her friendship with Adora. (And also maybe feeling like at some point her feelings had stopped being just platonic. She has no clue when this happened.)

Scorpia is doing pretty well with taking boxes of stuff up, and after a while they figure out that the dark aesthetic won’t be working well side by side with the pastel fluff that is the Princess Alliance. So Scorpia says they change it up a bit. So she goes downstairs and, “Is anyone free right now?”

It’s Perfuma that looks over. “Oh! Yes, I am!”

Scorpia gives a little smile. “Great! We need some design help and we were wondering..”

With a happy gasp, Perfuma hangs up her apron and walks upstairs. Perfuma is made for this. After being told that they’d like to keep the general dark aesthetic, she says that giving it that certain quiet feel, very unlike the loud chatter that comes from downstairs, students will likely want to come by to study

It’s a hit. A few plants with calming aromas, gifted by Perfuma herself, and some teas that help with stress made by Scorpia, students are running in. It’s generally very quiet here, and it’s really helping the stress that the employees go under too!

Scorpia and Perfuma may or may not have gotten closer in a romantic sense because of this-

Catra and Adora are also getting closer, friends first, then girlfriends. It’s quite the trip for everyone else in the shop. 

Entrapta and Hordak are basically just parents to Imp now, and Imp’s only job at this point is to make fun of Hordak for having a crush. It is a romantic relationship, yes

At some point the the Hoard and Princess Alliance become one place with two names. Menu is the same on both floors and anyone can be a waiter at whichever floor they like. 

Just a few things that exist but aren’t really plot relevant:

Hordak has anger issues and trouble understanding his feelings 

Hordak has weak bones in his arms specifically

Imp is Hordak’s nephew who he ended up adopting after Imp’s parents died

Hordak and Entrapta both like working with robotics

Entrapta is making a project to support Hordak’s weak arms in order to help him do things. Talking with his doctor to figure out what’s safe and such

Frosta is Glimmer’s cousin who has been given the okay to volunteer at the cafe. She comes and goes as she pleases and whether or not you get a Frosta special depends on whether she’s in or not

Time for the specials!

Entrapta’s: Donut holes. Her special is a pack of donut holes that are literally the best you’ve ever tasted. Your pack has one of each flavor and they are made with such care- just- No special drink for her though

Perfuma: Mango hibiscus clementine cold tea. I have had it before. It tastes really freaking good. She always grows a little flower for you to eat and puts it on top. The texture of the flower is nice, and the petals are sweet. The food portion is a fruit salad with flower petals sprinkled on top!

Frosta: Icecream sunday! And slushie! No one knows what exactly goes into the flavoring on top, but it tastes really good and Frosta promises it’s safe for all allergies she knows of. Makes sure to ask about any allergies though, just in case!

Mermista: It’s a small cake. Has this general water/beach vibe! Drink changes from day to day. Always an iced coffee though!

Glimmer: Cupcakes!! The inside of the cupcake has a small portion of sprinkles. Very sweet, too sweet for some. Pastel smoothie too! Family recipe, shared between Angela and Glimmer. Has sprinkles littered on top of a nice helping of whipped cream! Very glittery

Angela: Called the heart of Etheria. Not one single person knows what it’s classified as, and only Glimmer and Angela know how to make it. It’s heavenly

No more specials (Scorpia doesn’t work at Princess Alliance)

Micah and Angela had a divorce when Glimmer was young. It wasn’t because they disliked each other or anything, just, Micah learned that he was aromantic and felt a little bit uncomfortable with the marriage. They broke it off as friends and lived under the same house- like, it was all exactly the same, except they didn’t have the title of husband and wife

Then Micah had to go away because he found a job somewhere else and they ended up loosing contact

Swiftwind lives on the farm with LightHope

Catra and Adora are childhood friends who had the same Preschool teacher: Shadow Weaver

Angela lives on the second floor of the cafe with Glimmer

Entrapta has a roomba and she’s taken to it the way tumblr has

Entrapta has a tiny Emily that she made with Hordak’s help at a robotics workshop

Adora lived with Catra and moved to share an apartment with Bow afterwards

Shadow Weaver may or may not have died shoving Catra and Adora out of the way of a car that was driving on the sidewalk

There are fricking huge windows looking out on the street for both floors and on the other side of the street is a grassy park, so it’s really nice.

[lelouche]

Orphans of the Storm: Attachment, Trauma and the Developmental Trajectories of Lelouch and Nunnally in Code Geass

Alternatively titled, Matt Has a Lot of Thoughts About the Lamperouges. 7000+ words of thoughts, to be exact. Some of them might even be semi-intelligent. Admittedly, much of this was written from a hospital office while procrastinating writing patient journals for actual patients who are real humans and not fictional characters. Thank you to my supervisor for not supervising me very much.

I. Introduction

First, let us first briefly set the stage. The story of Code Geass is set in an alternate universe where the social-darwinist, imperialist superpower The Holy Britannian Empire is ruling large parts of the world. Lelouch and Nunnally vi Britannia are born into the royal family as children of 98th Emperor Charles zi Britannia and one of his consorts, Marianne. After their mother is assassinated in a terrorist attack at the Imperial Palace, an incident which leaves Nunnally blind and paralysed from the waist down, the two are sent to Japan as political hostages. The Britannian Empire then invades Japan shortly after they arrive, and they must seek refuge with the Ashfords, a wealthy family with ties to their mother Marianne. Presumed dead by the rest of the royal family, they take on the surname Lamperouge and begin to live in hiding in the now-colonised Japan, renamed Area 11.

These events constitute what is to become Lelouch’s raison d’être through the entire series - finding out who assassinated his mother, and creating a safer, kinder environment for his sister to grow up in. Nunnally is an extremely, and I cannot stress this enough, extremely important figure for Lelouch through the entire series (to the point where it’s kind of a joke in most spin-off material). He’s her main caregiver along with their maid Sayako, and protecting her is his primary goal - often at the expense of his own safety, his friends’ safety, and/or massive collateral damage. In this essay, I will analyse their relationship with their parents and each other through the lens of attachment theory, and discuss how these dynamics shape their developmental trajectories as they grow up. I will focus on two domains of development in particular: (1) emotional regulation and (2) identity. Based on this analysis, I’ll make the argument that Nunnally, despite being the one experiencing the most trauma, ended up more well-adjusted than Lelouch. Furthermore, although the series places much emphasis on how Lelouch is the one protecting Nunnally, he is actually more dependent on his sister than she is on him. I will also discuss how these central themes tie into Lelouch’s goals and political ideology.

II. Ode to My Family: The Fundamentals of Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is a psychological theory originating from the work of John Bowlby, concerning the bond between caregivers and their children. Put simply, Bowlby proposed that children are biologically predisposed to form deep, lasting bonds with their caregivers, and this bond has an important influence on subsequent development. In the attachment relationship, the caregiver functions as both a secure base from which to explore (for example, a child feeling safe when playing knowing a parent is nearby), and safe haven to turn to for emotional support (if they get scared or hurt when playing). Caregivers, on their end, facilitate secure attachment through moderate and appropriate stimulation of the child, warmth, mutually responsive interactions, and other behaviours that promote ‘connectedness’. Especially interesting is a trait called mind-mindedness, which can be described as a caregivers ability to conceptualise their child as an independent person, understand their mental/emotional state and respond appropriately. Important to note about attachment bonds is that they’re not “horizontal” - the caregiver and child aren’t on the same “level” as mutual attachment figures to each other, but the caregiver (as the older, wiser, and more experienced person who is able to provide care) will be a figure that the child can rely on.

A healthy attachment bond has a variety of important functions. It promotes the growth of self-reliance (which promotes independency), increases capacity for emotion regulation, promotes later social competence (such as empathy and mutual relationships), and is important for later identity development. This happens through the acquisition of so-called internal working models, that the child employs through their life. To simplify a bit, think of attachment as the mechanism by which caregivers, through their behaviour, teach children what to expect from the world around them, and what strategies to employ to best cope with it. At its core, it is about seeking security and safety - a form of healthy and adaptive dependence that provides a solid foundation and sense of security from which independence can grow

There are three main classifications of attachment bonds - secure, insecure and disorganised. Securely attached children will develop positive internal working models, where world is a fundamentally safe place, they are loved and worthy of that love. Interactions with the caregivers are frequent, mutual and predictable. For insecure attachment, there are two subcategories: avoidant and ambivalent. Insecure-ambivalent attachment is associated with unpredictable interaction styles, where some interactions between caregiver and child may be warm and mutually responsive, while others are more detached or unpredictable. This leads to frustration and confusion, and an ambivalent relationship. Insecure-avoidant attachment, on the other hand, is typically associated with a non-responsive and uninvolved form of care, or an absent caregiver. In this case, the child may feel rejected and like they cannot rely on anyone. Disorganised attachment simply means there is a lack of any organised form of attachment, but that’s not going to be relevant here so let’s ignore that one.

In summary:

Did you really think you were getting through this one without at least ONE chart? (Note: ambivalent and resistant attachment is the same thing)

Also, important note before moving on from this bit: (1) Attachment is not the be-all end-all for positive/negative developmental outcomes, and (2) I’ll obviously be a bit quicker to assume correlation and draw conclusions than I would in real life, because in my mind applying this stuff to literary analysis vs. applying it to real people are two completely different things. Fiction consists of a series of deliberate choices of storytelling and elements you can easily pick apart and draw lines between (preferably with red string on a corkboard wall, while looking slightly manic), whereas people are, like, more complicated and stuff - nature and nurture and all that.

Now, with attachment theory in mind, let’s have a look at the evil Britannian disaster parents.

III. The Mother We Share: (In)Secure Attachment in the Imperial Palace

Before taking a deep dive into Lelouch and Nunnally’s relationship with one another, it’s essential to discuss their relationships with their parents. Unfortunately for me, there really isn’t much canon material regarding their lives prior to Marianne’s death and the subsequent exile in Japan. However, even with the limited information available, I think it’s fairly safe to say neither Charles nor Marianne deserve a parent-of-the-year award - a point cleverly foreshadowed by me when I referred to them as evil disasters just a few sentences ago.

As for Charles, I hardly need to even make a case that he probably wasn’t a great father. It’s never outright stated in the series, but I’m going to assume they had minimal or no contact with Charles. The main reason behind this is: why would they? He had 108 (!) consorts with whom he had many children, and was busy ruling the largest empire in the world. And as if that wasn’t enough, Lelouch and Nunnally weren’t even particularly high up in in the line of succession and would have been unlikely to ever rule in their lifetime (if it hadn’t been for, er, circumstances). Furthermore, because of his grand plan to fuse humanity into one collective unconscious through the Ragnarök Connection, none of this would matter to him anyway. Additionally, I think his lack of contact with his children is very apparent through the way Lelouch interacts with his father when confronting him about Marianne’s death, which I’ll get back to.

So, we can reasonably conclude Charles was an uninvolved/absent caregiver. However, things get a little more interesting with Marianne.

This isn’t relevant to the topic or anything, I just think it’s neat how they made Lelouch so visually similar to his mother. In addition to physical traits, Marianne’s dress here has a really similar structure to what would later become her sons rebellion outfit of choice. She even has a chess-piece-esque hat to go with. Then again, I suppose the alternative was making him visually similar to Charles, and that wouldn’t make for a lot of good fanservice now would it. Anyway, this image description is too long.

As mentioned, avenging his mother’s death is one of the most significant driving forces for Lelouch throughout the series. Her assassination impacted him greatly, both in and of itself and through the harm it caused Nunnally. Whenever she’s brought up, they both seem to get visibly downhearted, and there’s never any indication they remember her anything but fondly. In picture drama 22.25 (from their time as children in the Imperial Palace), the Britannian siblings find a commemorative plate that belongs to her in Euphie’s room. They start to bicker over it, because Nunnally wants to have it herself, while Lelouch thinks Euphie should keep it because it belongs to her. This all indicates that the royal children admired Marianne, and she was obviously an important figure to them both. Through this idolisation, as well as Lelouch’s obsession with what happened at the Imperial Palace, the narrative seems to want us to assume she was a good parent.

However, there are a few things that call into question how reliable of a narrator Lelouch actually is concerning Marianne. Towards the end of the series, it’s revealed that she is actually very much alive, and completely on board with Charles’ Ragnarök plan - making her one of the series’ main antagonists. During Lelouch’s final confrontation with his parents in C’s World in S2 E21, she is unable (or unwilling) to see how faking her death, traumatising her children, shipping them off to a country the Empire promptly invaded without ever making sure they’re still alive, and then trying to convince them to get on board with her human instrumentality plan is wrong. As her wiki bluntly states: “She only superficially loves her children and will not hesitate to kill them if they get in her way.” Taking this information about her character into account, I consider it more likely that the reason Lelouch and Nunnally idolised Marianne was either (1) because they based their impression largely on her reputation, rather than because she genuinely was a loving mother, or (2) she was a very good actor.

At least she provided some strategies to prepare her children for having to cope with the emotional trauma she was about to inflict on them.

How to make sense of their relationship with Marianne from an attachment perspective? I think this is largely up to interpretation due to lack of pre-series material. Lelouch and Nunnally both seem to like and look up to her, but that does not necessarily indicate secure attachment. I would argue they had an insecure relationship with Marianne, and that argument is based on two things. First, her personality traits and actions (rather than Lelouch and Nunnally’s accounts of her): she blatantly uses her children as pawns for her plan, and doesn’t care all that much that they were suffering as a result. Even though she does argue all her planning was well-intentioned, this act quickly fall apart when Lelouch challenges her. As C.C. tells her, “the only people you love are yourselves”. Calling this sort of behaviour “poor mind-mindedness” or “lack of parental warmth” is an understatement - I simply don’t see a scenario where Marianne would genuinely care.

Secondly, I’d argue you can infer it from Lelouch’s patterns of behaviour as he grows older. Many of his actions, and the themes surrounding him as a character, could be seen as a manifestation of insecure attachment - his attitude towards Nunnally, attitude towards his friends in the student council, his emotionality, and the general theme of a  fragmented identity, to mention some. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Point is, there is good reason to believe Lelouch or Nunnally had any form of secure attachment bond to either of their parents, and this has some implications for their development as the series goes on.

IV. Abandoned by the Empire: Trauma and Parentification

In addition to not having the best relationships with their parents to begin with, Lelouch and Nunnally were then burdened with more baggage after their mother’s death. In Nunnally’s case, her trauma from the incident was primarily physical (blindness and paralysation of her legs), due to her being literally in Marianne’s arms as she was shot. Lelouch was a witness, and escaped without physical injury. Afterwards, while his sister is still in hospital, he takes it upon himself to confront his father about what happened, and accuses him of having allowed, even facilitated, the assassination through purposefully neglecting security measures that day.

While Nunnally was by all means most harmed by the attack, it is here in the aftermath I’d argue Lelouch takes his “main blow” in the parental trauma department. When confronted, Charles gets angry and tells Lelouch that everything in his life has been handed to him by virtue of being a child of the royal family, and thus he’s never truly accomplished anything - he might as well be dead, and therefore has no right to doubt or disobey him. This is an especially cruel statement in the context of the social-darwinist Britannia, where the strength to survive by your own measures is seen as highly important, maybe even the only thing that truly is important. Lelouch then visibly flinches and falls back when Charles stands up, in a manner that seems outright terrified. Keep in mind, all this is happening in front of the Royal Court.

This scene in particular is the main reason I cannot imagine Lelouch or Nunnally having any kind of relationship with Charles prior to the incident, much less a secure and healthy one. You’d think the threshold for a young child to turn and publicly accuse his father of premeditated murder in front of the Britannian Royal Court would be astronomically high, especially if he actually liked and trusted him. Additionally, as I mentioned earlier, one of the most important functions of the caregiver is being a secure base in difficult and unsafe situations, which means that children typically tend to turn towards their parents during situations where they feel scared. Flinching away (so severely he even falls back, with a horrified expression on his face), rather than seeking closure, is highly indicative of insecure attachment/parental neglect.

As if all this wasn’t enough, Lelouch and Nunnally are then separated from all their siblings to be relocated to Japan as political hostages. Again, the pre-series material is pretty thin, but throughout the series there are indications that they had good relationships with some of their siblings. For example, Lelouch recalls playing chess with Schneizel, and possibly had some kind of relationship with Clovis judging by their conversation before Lelouch kills him. Both Lelouch and Nunnally also seem to have been very close with Euphie - in Stage 22.25, they’re playing in her room and don’t want to go to sleep because they’re having so much fun. Lelouch even refers to Euphie as the first girl he ever loved (let’s just... not unpack this one). Point is, not only do they get traumatised by and separated from their parents (whom they already had an insecure relationship with), but they’re also ripped away from their entire network of social support, except for each other. 

This image is so fucking sad. Fuck.

So, when Lelouch and Nunnally arrive in Japan, they’re on their own. And because he is older, and because of Nunnally’s disability, Lelouch ends up taking on most of the responsibility. He carries her up the stairs when they arrive at the shrine, washes their clothing, buys their food, and so on. In addition to these practical tasks, he also tries to comfort his sister emotionally and seems to also feel responsible for her well-being - for example, when discovering their lodgings were small and quite sad-looking, he tries to shield Nunnally from it by lying and telling her it looks like Euphie’s room. When Suzaku first meets Nunnally, Lelouch instantly runs into the room because he heard a noise, and freaks out at Suzaku because he thinks he’s going to harm her. For all intents and purposes, he steps into a caregiver role for his sister - an attachment figure, one might even say. This shift in their dynamic becomes very apparent when comparing their relationship in Japan and onwards, to the aforementioned bickering-over-a-plate incident in Euphie’s room, where they were fighting and playing like siblings.

This phenomenon is sometimes called parentification, in which the absence of adult figures providing sufficient care causes one child to bear more responsibility than is normal for the age, and step into the role of “parent”. Parentification can be adaptive and healthy with concrete/practical tasks, in small periods of time and with plenty support, for example pre-teens babysitting their younger cousins. Suffice to say, Lelouch had none of those things. He is Nunnally’s sole contact, made worse by himself by being stubborn and not wanting to let anyone else in to help. Additionally, plenty of other risk factors for destructive parentification is present - the tasks are diffuse, all-consuming and way above the level appropriate for his age, he gets no sort of recognition, reward, or help, it lasts a long period of time (permanently), generational lines become somewhat blurred, and his own needs end up taking second priority to him. And, as you’ll remember from the attachment theory section, this kind of relationship is not horizontal in nature - Lelouch and Nunnally don’t provide each other mutual support of this nature, but rather Lelouch is the one providing a function for Nunnally.

In the beginning of this section, I mentioned that Nunnally’s trauma as a result of Marianne’s death was primarily physical. However, she evidently went through a great deal of psychological trauma as well. A novel detailing their childhoods in Japan states that Nunnally privately had a terrible time coping with the changes in her life and would throw tantrums when left to her own at Kururugi residence, destroying nearly anything she could get her hands on. However, unless she secretly throws tantrums whenever her brother is off screen, this doesn’t seem to be an issue during the span of the series. I’d argue this could be attributed to Lelouch functioning as a caregiver for her - she had someone there to help her, calm her down and provide external emotional regulation, which in turn helped her learn to better regulate her emotional states on her own. Lelouch provides safety and warmth, and, in doing so, becomes a buffer for his sister.

Lelouch, however, has no such buffers. Because of this, it’s easy to draw a line between his parental problems and trauma, and his subsequent maladjusted pattern behaviour when the siblings arrive in Japan. At the Kururugi residence, both him and Nunnally are offered both food and clothing, but he is insistent on providing everything himself - he washes all their clothes, and buys their food with coupons in town, despite being beat up by the other boys there for being Britannian. He’s distrustful towards everyone there (before later warming up to Suzaku) and hypersensitive for any possible threat to Nunnally’s safety. In my opinion, it’s evident Charles’ words had an impact on him. When Suzaku asks why he is so hellbent on refusing help, he responds with: “I’ll live by my own strength, and I won’t be dead any longer!” Through caregivers, children learn what to expect from the world and their own place in it - in Lelouch’s case, he clearly sees the world as an unsafe place with few people to truly trust, and considers himself only worth something if he is entirely independent. Although independence is often seen as a “mature” trait in children and therefore indicative of “good” development, healthy dependence and attachment in childhood is crucial for the facilitation of later healthy independence. And unlike Nunnally (who has him), he doesn’t have anyone to rely on and turn to for his security.

Diverting slightly from the topic at hand, I think this highlights the interesting narrative role of C.C. as the closest thing Lelouch has to a caregiver proxy. I am in no way trying to imply she is outright maternal towards him, but she’s of help and offers practical and sometimes emotional support - a role no other person in Lelouch’s life really fills. I already explained why Nunnally isn’t a possible candidate, and Suzaku, while an important figure in Lelouch’s life, has his own essay-worthy plate of parental problems to deal with. Additionally, their whole enemy situation doesn’t make him someone Lelouch can reliably turn to for comfort and support. C.C however, is older, wiser, more “stable”, and seems to know how to offer emotional support in a way that somewhat calms Lelouch down. In turn, he occasionally tries to reach out to her in difficult situations (or at least he gives into having breakdowns in front of her), which he doesn’t seem to do with anyone else. If only she’d intervened when he was a child instead of just standing there dramatically in the background. But alas.

V. Some Things Just Stick in Your Mind: Differential Susceptibility

Earlier, I briefly mentioned Nunnally being the one most harmed by Marianne’s death. She was younger when it happened, more directly involved, and experienced a greater loss of function as a result which altered her lifestyle significantly. Based on this, I could easily argue that the incident would have far more damaging implications for her long-term psychological well-being compared to her older brother. I could, but I won’t, because it didn’t. Despite all these risk factors present in Nunnally’s case, their mother’s death seems to have made far more of a long-term impact on Lelouch. We’ve already discussed the most important reason why: Lelouch providing Nunnally with protective care associated with a secure parent, thus functioning as a buffer for her trauma. In this section, I’d like to discuss another important factor, interacting with attachment security: namely, differential susceptibility (also sometimes called responsiveness for care).

When we meet Lelouch in the beginning of Code Geass, he feels stuck and utterly powerless in his situation. He gambles on chess to pass time, but feels otherwise bored, restless and detached from his environment. When he receives the power of Geass from C.C., it gives him what he claims he wanted all along - a tool to take control of his life, get revenge on those who wronged him and actually do something. Thus, a plan to overthrow the Britannian Empire is formed and set into motion. The main targets seem to be the royal family as he struggles to systematically take down the empire and search for information - once he meets his brother Clovis, he shoots him (seemingly) without much hesitation. As time goes on, he sacrifices more and more time and energy to his obsessive goal, while his web of lies and various interpersonal becomes increasingly difficult to manage. There is a reason his character is often compared to the likes of Light Yagami (despite them having completely opposing ideologies, but that’s an essay topic for another day) - his arc follows the same downward spiral pattern, where one thing leads to another and suddenly you’re up to your ears in civilian casualties. It’s obvious Lelouch hasn’t accepted, gotten over, or forgiven his family in the slightest, and takes this anger out on those he perceives wronged him in search of an answer.

Meanwhile, Nunnally doesn’t exhibit anything close to this kind of grudge. She seems upset whenever it is brought up, but otherwise seems to have made peace with what happened and ready to forgive her family. One might argue this comes down to a difference of opportunity - Nunnally doesn’t exactly have the power of Geass, or even functioning eyes of the non-mind control variety, so it might be a bit more difficult to get certain things done. Such as killing off most of the Britannian royal family. However, even before Lelouch got the power of Geass, he expressed a wish to destroy Britannia for what they did to him and his sister. So, unless Nunnally has some secret desire to kill that was just never mentioned (in which case this whole essay is null and void, I suppose), Lelouch seems to be coping with his trauma in a much more maladaptive way than his sister, turning his sadness and feelings of rejection into anger and resentment, which ended up staying with him pretty much until the day he died.

Reach your arm out and grab the stars or whatever that quote from LoGH is.

Based on this, I’d argue Lelouch is what one might call a flexible strategist. This doesn’t refer to his military tactics (although he seems pretty flexible with those as well) but simply means that, for better and for worse, he’s relatively sensitive to factors and people in his external environment. On one hand, he seems to flourish in environments where he gets support. During his childhood in the Imperial Palace, he seemed to mostly get along with and care about his siblings (as mentioned earlier). He was also by all accounts a very bright child - he did say he never managed to beat Schneizel at chess, but to give Lelouch some credit here, Schneizel at the time would have been an adult man in his early 20s, while Lelouch was, like, 7. The fact he even stood a chance is fairly impressive. I do not want to argue chess ability is the ultimate measurement of childhood functioning, but my point here is this: he seemed to be on a decent developmental path, both cognitively and socially, all things considered. On the other hand, he tends to react poorly whenever something goes wrong. I’ll talk about this in more depth in the emotional development section, but tl;dr: Lelouch is a very volatile character, who tends to have very high highs and low lows.

While Lelouch seems to be more “formable” by both positive and negative environmental influences, Nunnally is more of a so-called fixed strategist. She, like Lelouch, seemed to be in a decent place before the incident, had a period of acting out after her trauma (throwing tantrums etc.), but got “back on track” through Lelouch fairly quickly. She seems more forgiving of her family, for example when she is instantly supportive of Euphie’s special administrative zone (which Lelouch has a very ambivalent relationship with). Towards the endgame in S2, she even aligns herself with Schneizel. As her arc goes on, she shows herself more and more capable of functioning without Lelouch’s help, and make decisions of her own, based on her own opinions. Her outlook on the world seems to be much more down-to-earth and less black and white. Even when her own brother (the only person she’s been able to rely on for most of her life) geasses her and literally leaves her lying on the floor, she tries to reason with him. This is obviously just speculation, but I think had something similar happened to Lelouch he would have, psychologically speaking, completely lost it (in fact, he does lose it multiple times, which I’ll also get back to). Additionally, from the glimpse we see of Nunnally with Suzaku after Zero Requiem, it seems like she’s been able to cope relatively well with her brother’s death. In general, she seems to find her feet much easier than Lelouch and is more stable across situations.

To summarise everything so far: I’d argue neither Charles nor Marianne were secure caregivers for Lelouch and Nunnally. This is implied not only by their traits and actions, but can be inferred from Lelouch’s maladaptive developmental path. The reason we see this pattern develop in Lelouch but not Nunnally is that he, through parentification, functioned as a buffer for her. Furthermore, this difference in trajectories is amplified by their different underlying susceptibilities - Lelouch more sensitive/formable by negative events and loss in general, while Nunnally is more resilient. From this point on I’ll focus mainly on Lelouch, and discuss how this magnificent cocktail of risk factors explain his developmental outcomes as an older teenager - in particular, how it shines through when it comes to his emotionality, identity, and goals/motivations.

VI. Thunder in Our Hearts: Emotional Development and Interpersonal Relationships

Lelouch frequently throughout the series, for lack of a better term, loses his absolute shit. For example, in the scene where he plays chess with Mao in S1 E16, he screams and dramatically falls backwards when the last piece is thrown onto the scale. He’s completely devoid of expression, and is well and truly out of it until Suzaku arrives. He ends up in a similar state of mind when he thinks Nunnally is killed in S2, where it seems like he’s completely detached from his surroundings - just repeating that he wants to speak with her. In addition to these dissociative-esque states in response to extreme stress, he has lesser breakdown and outbursts as well, such as: after Shirley’s father dies, after the incident with Euphie, when he’s flipping out at Rolo upon seeing his phone locket, etc. Additionally, he’s been shown to take stress and anger out on other people in the (kinda hilarious) scene where he goes to an abandoned street to use his Geass on random people, making them dance as he stands there being angsty. These bursts of emotion don’t exclusively concern negative situations either, as evidenced by his multiple periods of manic laughter and monologues during battle.

I once read this Geass analysis claiming Lelouch is an unemotional character. As evidenced by these screenshots, that was a correct take and not inaccurate at all. Emotions? Where?

In addition to being fairly emotional, Lelouch’s character is also very centered around the people in his life. His mother and sister are the primary motivation through the series. He uses Nunnally’s well-being to justify his actions. He let’s C.C. comfort him. He cares greatly about Shirley, and is devastated at her father’s death (though one can only assume he feels a bit better after punching a wall in the shower), to the point where he erases her memory to spare her the suffering he’s bringing by getting her involved. He obviously deeply cares about Suzaku (again - essay for another day), and orders him to keep on living no matter what, despite him being the number one obstacle for Zero’s plans. If he expresses this affection in a reasonable way is another question entirely - his main way of expressing his love for Nunnally seems to be killing thousands of people for her sake, Shirley by erasing her memory, and Suzaku by forcing him to live on at any cost, which is the exact opposite of what he wanted.

He also has a recurring pattern of requiring a lot of external emotional regulation through other people. Nunnally is the most obvious example of this (obviously) -  whenever something goes slightly wrong, he usually defaults to screaming about her, and becomes absolutely devastated whenever she’s unsafe. If Lelouch functions as her buffer, I’d say she’s her crutch. He heavily leans on her for justification and a purpose in life. But, these maladaptive ways of leaning on people also occurs with other characters, such as in the scene with Kallen in the warehouse where he’s about to inject himself with refrain. Kallen takes the needle from him and throws it on the ground, and he reacts by walking towards her asking her to console him - saying “there are things a woman can do for that, right?”. Kallen promptly (rightfully) slaps him, and he seems to regain his senses.

The most frequently repressed scene by all Lelouch fans.

In summary, I’d argue Lelouch is the complete opposite of an unemotional or uncaring character. He often seems to struggle with controlling his (plethora of) emotions in healthy ways, and copes with them either through completely shutting things out, having frequent breakdowns, lashing out on others, or using people as emotional crutches. He’s also very centered around other people, but tends to express it in less-than-appropriate ways, and goes on about things in an almost childish way, at times. This, I think, is indicative of his insecure attachment and lack of sensitive caregivers. In contrast to Nunnally, who had him, he didn’t have anyone to provide safety and externally regulate his emotions, meaning he was never able to internalise such strategies. Thus, there is a pattern of unhealthy (lack of) regulation of emotional states, leading to these stark contrasts between high and low points, and the quite bad ways he deals with them. Years of stress, repressed restlessness and unhealthy coping mechanisms for trauma certainly didn’t help either. Put simply - he’s a bit emotionally immature, and this is a significant aspect of his character.

VII. Reflektor: Identity and Projection

One of the most prevalent motifs in  Lelouch’s arc, save for the chess symbolism, is the theme of masks and a fragmented identity. Throughout the series, he uses different identities to fill different roles in his life: Lelouch vi Britannia the prince, Lelouch Lamperouge the student, Zero the terrorist/freedom fighter and eventually Lelouch vi Britannia again, the tyrannical 99th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire. This switch is the most obvious display of the fragmented identity theme, as he is quite literally changing his name and masquerading as different people. With his Zero persona he even puts on a literal mask to conceal his face, but he also uses subtler, figurative masks for his other personas in order to achieve various goals. Additionally, there are also subtler role shifts at play within these identities: Lelouch Lamperouge exists  as Nunnally’s caregiver, a student council member, Suzaku’s childhood friend, etc. (as with all people, fictional or not).

It is here his main ideological conflict with his parents arises. Charles and Marianne wants, through their Ragnarök plan, to abolish all “masks” and fuse mankind into one collective unconscious. Their reasoning is that if everyone were honest and there were no separation between people, the world would be a better place. Lelouch, however, finds the concept of identity masks useful and even defines himself by them. This is clearly shaped by his own experience - in order to survive in Area 11 and protect his sister, he had to change his name and lie. In order to gain real power and influence to overthrow Britannia, he had to change his name and lie. This modus operandi goes straight to the heart of his identity, because it is the reason he is able to exert his will over the world in any meaningful way - which, as we discussed earlier, is the reason he is “not dead any longer”. His core idea is that those who are privileged enough to be able to tell the truth about themselves, have no right to deny others the right to lie for their own survival or to achieve their goals.

Carl Jung arguably had a much more significant impact on anime than he did psychology. Actually, this isn’t even arguable.

Another, subtler way the series conveys the theme of fractured identity is Lelouch’s projection of desires and wishes onto others. This is shown quite literally through how the Geass gives him the power to command anyone to do anything. But not only does he impose his will onto others through verbal command, he also projects his more abstract goals and desires into the people in his life. Again, Nunnally is the most obvious example of this: Everything he does, he claims is for the sake of Nunnally. It’s interesting he never outright says that he wanted to do any of this for any personal reason - it’s all about a kinder world for Nunnally, Nunnally’s smile, and how their parents abandoned them. In the final confrontation with Charles and Marianne, Suzaku asks him if he used Nunnally as an excuse to justify his actions. Lelouch confirms this, and then says he fought to protect everything he wanted to protect. Still, he never mentions he feels rejected, or that he would want to grow older in a kinder world, even though it’s obviously more his own wish than hers (as Nunnally mentions during Zero Requiem, she would have been happy just being with her brother). In a way, he considers himself two steps removed from his desires - only working against Britannia on the basis of what he imagines the people in his life would want him to do.

Lelouch also has a tendency to view his own identity(-ies) through abstract symbols, rather than as a concrete human being with a backstory, grudges and motivations. In exile he expresses frustration at being a pawn of Britannia, as Zero he functions as a faceless symbol of Japanese liberation and a rebellion against the establishment, and as Emperor he aims to become a symbol of people’s hatred towards their oppressors. Even the orchestration of his life’s ending is primarily a symbolic act to him; with the world’s hatred focused on a tyrannical Emperor, the world can be peaceful when that symbol disappears. Lelouch seems very aware of this himself: that he is past the point of no return, and destined to become someone who will bear the burden of sacrificing his own identity, morals and character to play a part. He, in a way, seems more comfortable in this realm of abstraction - in being more of a symbol. However, if we try to strip away his rather grand narrative for a second, we’re left with a person committing suicide at 19 because he thinks the world will be a better place for it.

Black king captures e1, checkmate.

VIII. Pity the Child: Politics and Spite

Lastly, I want to make the argument that the parental abandonment Lelouch and Nunnally experienced, and the subsequent cascade of issues is the most important aspect of the series. Even more so than the central ideological conflict of working against versus within systems of oppression. As I’ve already touched on a fair bit, I think Lelouch’s circumstances growing up and the experiences arising from that was the very foundation for his later ideology and hatred for Britannia, rather than his ideology in and of itself being the reason he hates his parents and the system they represent. This is best represented by the climax of the scene with Charles and Marianne in C’s world, where Lelouch speaks not of systems of power, racism, oppression, politics, etc. - he speaks of abandonment and hurt.

In my opinion, there’s reason to question whether he would have gone to the same lengths to destroy Britannia if he’d not been exiled from the system himself. In one of the picture dramas from his summer in Japan as a child, he lectures Suzaku on Britannian and Japanese foreign trade policy, making the argument they’re both unethical. This indicates he already knew of and disagreed with the actions of Britannia, but it’s only after he’s exiled and war is declared on Japan he begins talking about enacting revenge. Additionally, he has some truly magnificent displays of hypocrisy throughout the series that (in my unpopular (?) opinion) puts Suzaku to shame. Even the very act of him using Geass is contradictory to his fundamental belief: that opposing a well-intentioned act upon others is no different from an evil act. During their confrontation, he is very concerned with expressing this ideology to his parents, before promptly turning around and making his brother a geassed slave forever, two episodes later.

Not to completely undermine his ideological streak; I do genuinely believe he is anti-Britannia, and I do genuinely believe he values personal freedom highly. However, based on everything discussed so far, I’d argue he would perhaps not have cared as much, or at least been more open to a more Suzaku-esque approach, had he not had deep personal trauma connected to the whole situation as well. So, his main motivation isn’t to “bash the fash”, as it were, but rather bash these few specific fash who traumatised him and his sister before shipping them off to a foreign country they then immediately declared war on. Revenge, spite, and pure, childish anger towards a family that wronged him is a much more useful lens through which to view the series, rather than an ideological conflict per se.

IX. The Conclusion Bit, Finally

To summarise this entirely too long essay, Lelouch and Nunnally both suffered from insecure attachment and later trauma and parental abandonment. Nunnally’s main protective factor/buffer for this trauma was Lelouch, which gets her “back on track” towards becoming an emotionally stable and independent girl. Her brother, however, doesn’t have anyone to fill this role, and this cascades into dysfunctional behaviour and strategies across different domains: his trust issues as a child, obsession with revenge, immature emotionality, poor handling of stress, projecting onto others, and a fragmented concept of his own identity. Lastly, I think these personal issues constitute the crux of his motivation throughout the series - Lelouch’s arc is about trauma, parental neglect and spite more than it ever was about politics.

[love-myinnercoach]

Inner Voice

If you are interested in developing your best self, keep listening. During this podcast series I will be exploring self-coaching tools and asking can they really help you achieve your full potential and make your dreams reality.

In episode 2 titled Head full of dreams, the title was inspired by the Cold Play song, I will be exploring the Inner voice and how it can be used to help you to succeed

Have you ever wondered why you don’t always achieve what you really want to do?

What stops you from following your dreams or prevents you from achieving or sustaining the goals you have set for yourself?

Why do those New Year resolutions never get past January?

Could your Inner Voice and be holding you back.

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I’ve been involved in mentoring and coaching other people for most of my career but a couple of years ago I started to look into self-coaching to help myself get over a difficult period in my life.

After watching the TED x talk I had a Eureka moment and I realised how my inner voice was stopping me from achieving some of my dreams and goals and still does on occasions. it doesn't take long for doubts to creep in and the voice to begin whispering and I realised self-coaching is not a one-time thing which will fix everything it’s something you need to be mindful of and work on every day.

Have you ever felt STUCK.

STUCK in a place in which you have difficulty escaping from. That STUCK place can inside your mind, a place which can limit your dreams. Our minds are wonderful places and can create wonderful ideas and solutions but sometimes it can also create a space in which ideas become STUCK when it tells you.

You won’t be able to do that, you will fail, everyone will laugh at you, it’s too hard.

From the outside looking in you may seem confident, committed, not scared to try something new, positive, optimistic. And all those things are true, you are all those things but within the boundaries you have made for yourself.

Within the comfortable places where you know you will succeed, where you know you have the power to change things.

But when something new appears on the horizon, something you’re not sure about, when you are pushed out of your comfort zone you can retreat back into,

You won’t be able to do that, you will fail, everyone will laugh at you, it’s too hard.

You may procrastinate, go back to your old ways, try to avoid it in the hope it will go away. But it doesn’t then you left feeling stressed, anxious and defeated because your dreams are still dreams and you are no closer to making them real.

Does this sound familiar to you. Can you relate to this? Many people have had similar experiences. I myself have this same inner voice.

Your inner voice is the voice only you hear, the voice that is with you from birth right through to death, the voice which gets you to where you want to be but also stop you from going to where you want to go.

This session will explore the inner voice the inner critic and look at how you can use your inner voice to work towards the goals you set for yourself

Amongst all the daily chatter that goes on around us and within our own minds its important to provide a thinking space for your thoughts to develop and help you achieve your goals. For me practising mindfulness provides that space.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or be overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Professor Mark Williams, former director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre, says that mindfulness means knowing directly what is going on inside and outside ourselves, moment by moment.

He says

"It's easy to stop noticing the world around us. It's also easy to lose touch with the way our bodies are feeling and to end up living 'in our heads' – caught up in our thoughts without stopping to notice how those thoughts are driving our emotions and behaviour," he says.

"An important part of mindfulness is reconnecting with our bodies and the sensations they experience. This means waking up to the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of the present moment

"Another important part of mindfulness is an awareness of our thoughts and feelings as they happen moment to moment.

"It's about allowing ourselves to see the present moment clearly. When we do that, it can positively change the way we see ourselves and our lives."

Before you start on this journey of exploring your inner voice try a mindfulness moment. Head space is a good app to help you try out mindfulness.

This leads me nicely into the Thinking environment approach developed by Nancy Cline and  introduced to me by the fabulous Lou Mycroft during an Advanced Practitioner CPD day. I was immediately drawn to its simplicity and its effectiveness in creating a thinking space to solve problems which allows your brain time to sort through your thoughts and bring clarity to your thinking.

This approach can be used in many situations and although it is mainly used in groups or paired activities I feel can work well within self-coaching. Using some of the self-coaching principles to provide clarity to our own thoughts.

Today’s podcast explores the Inner Voice which is supported by the Thinking Environment principle of Feelings and recognising our own feelings and allowing sufficient emotional release to restore thinking.

I could do a whole podcast series on the Thinking Environment, but I’ll leave that to Lou Mycroft who is the expert. But I will be dipping in and out when I feel it is relevant. If you are interested in the Thinking Environment look up Nancy Kline’s book Time to Think or the website which will provide further information.

So back to the inner voice, inner critic, inner worrier whatever you want to call it is fine because it’s yours.

To explore this further I will pose some questions to see how the inner voice can sometimes work against you and stop you from progressing.

This isn’t to say your inner voice is a bad thing, but we need to recognise when its working for us and against us and adapt what we do to work towards a positive outcome. As with anything this is not a one fit for all and it’s certainly not something you can do once and all will be forever wonderful. It’s something you have to work at to reap the rewards.

So here are the questions to consider, you may want to pause the podcast to contemplate or not that’s up to you.

Think of a time you wanted to try or did something new but you didn’t do it or you felt you didn’t succeed at it.

Imagine the inner voice words in your head. Only you can see them.

What was your inner voice was saying to you when you didn’t complete a task or try something new.

What was you assuming that was stopping you?

So for example my inner voice said to me before recording this podcast series.

It won’t work, it will be too difficult to do.

I’m not techy, I won’t be able to do it.

No one will listen what’s the point, waste of time.

If they do listen, nobody will like it.

People may laugh think I’m foolish.

Just a few of comments my inner voice said to me, which stopped from pursuing this podcast for a long time.

Now just imagine by magic your inner voice words are is being displayed on national TV at peak viewing time. Everyone can see what you are thinking and saying to yourself.

What do you think people would think about you if they saw these words? If you find it difficult to imagine pretend these phrases are about someone else what would you be thinking about this person?

How do the words make you feel?

What body sensations do these emotions create?

For me every one might think

I’m unhappy, cynical, grumpy, narrow minded, anxious and not reliable or willing to try something new.

It made me feel moody, irritated, resentful, hopeless, regret, de-motivated.

This in turn created physical body sensations and I felt drained of energy, muscle tightness, nauseous, tired, unfocused, foggy mind ,low self-esteem, stressed and anxious.

Think about the words again and ask yourself

Would you want other people to feel that way about you?

Would you say these words and phrases to you friends and family when trying to support them?

So why would you say them to yourself???

To make the inner voice work for us we have to recognise how it can sometimes have a negative affect us and then work at rephrasing those words and phrases to make us feel better about ourselves and achieve our goals and aspirations.

So take a moment to look back on the inner voice which isn’t helping you and change what its saying so it does.

May new inner voice said

This is new Ill check it out and see what I have to do.

If I’m not sure how to do it I’ll get help.

It’s not my responsibility to make people listen or like it, I can’t control other people’s actions and thoughts. It’s their choice.

If people like it that’s a bonus.

I will feel good that I have learnt something new and tried something new.

It made me feel more, confident optimistic, open minded, motivated, with greater self-belief and was glad I tried something new.

It made me feel happy, energised, inspired and curious.

This in turn affected my physical body sensations and I felt more alert, focused, relaxed and able to think more clearly

It also had a secondary effect on others, my husband was inspired to create his own podcast and I’m hoping my fellow APs in the podcast group will take the plunge and create theirs. Also I am a positive role model for my children and when I say to them you can do anything you want to do you have to believe in yourself I am speaking from experience.

Wow all that just by changing my inner voice a little bit.

Just by changing the way you think about something can sometimes have a positive impact on what you do and the goals you want to achieve can be achievable.

Think of it like this.

You or someone else has identified an Event/ Circumstance/Goal you or they want you to accomplish

The next thing that happens is you Inner Voice sends thought to you these can be positive or negative but ultimately these thoughts will have an impact on what you do next.

Your thoughts will create feelings and these feeling will create emotions and body sensations.

From this you will decide the Actions you will take.

These actions will either provide the desired result or result in you not successfully achieving the desired result.  

To summarise

Your thoughts create feelings, emotions, body sensations which will provide a result of fulfilment or non- fulfilment.

 Remember

Only you can make the changes needed to succeed.

It’s up to you what you do with the information provided.

It’s up to you to decide if it’s something that you could use.

You have to take ownership of your life

Only you can achieve your goals make your dreams come true

It’s too easy to blame outside influences. This is something you can’t control.

But you can control how you react to them and adapt to make it work for you.

Be your best self.

I hope you have enjoyed the podcast and it has motivated you to explore you inner voice.

Join me for the next episode of the inner coach where we will be

Exploring incisive questions and how they can help you to succeed.

 If you knew that you do deserve success and success was possible, what would I do right now?

[the2020projects-works]

Writing can be a thorny chore. To come up with authentic ideas that are relevant enough to keep the reader entertained requires a lot of creativity and compromise. And to create a serious writing routine is even harder: the world, unfortunately, doesn’t stop when we are writing (although it feels like it does), and we are caught up in the middle of all types of obstacles that keep our minds busy and bodies and spirits stressed on a daily basis, sucking away what we so call ‘inspiration’. So, what to do when all the inspiration is gone?

Stick to the routine

It’s hard to create a routine, no matter what are you trying to achieve when you stablish it; sometimes it’s for a job, a class or family, in any case, real world requires our full commitment and dedication, so we often find ourselves obliged to create alternative ways to stick to the calendar, otherwise we will be sucked up by reality and enter a spiral of procrastination.

I’m not saying routines are easy, not at all. They demand a lot of persistence and focus, which are things people in general lack of, nowadays. Take me for example. I spend the entire morning away from home to study. I come back at two pm and go over all the classes I had that day, which includes resumes and tests. Considering I’m not the fastest student and that I also have plenty of classes during the morning — ignoring, of course, all the afternoon setbacks -, I finish everything around seven or eight pm and by that time, I’m pretty exhausted, so to speak. To keep in track with my writing schedule is something almost impossible to maintain and, trust me, I’ve tried many things…

1000 words per day: this is something I’ve read from a column here on Medium, apparently many writers — including Stephen King — have a goal of words to write daily, which is very helpful to develop your creativity and general writing skills. I was able to keep that same routine and stick to it very persistently for about… four days?

Write topics whenever the ideas come then build them up at home: the ideas might be good, but we must be realistic here; they don’t come all the time nor everyday. Sometimes we’re just too busy to even come up with those and, even when we do have good topics, to develop them at some point later is not effective. The best moment is always now.

Keep a night journal: I didn’t even put much effort into it, that I’ll admit. Journals are great ideas and I’ve always written a lot of those during my childhood, specially, but at this precise occasion in my life, I don’t have any energy left to do that when I’m about to go to bed.

Keep a regular notebook next to me and write small pieces whenever I get the chance: okay, that’s not exactly something we can call a routine. I really just find it very helpful to always keep my small notepad next to me wherever I go and my poetical side often comes out at some point. I write it all down and then, when I have the chance, I review it and make the proper changes. I’ve lost the habit to do it lately, I used to frequently take notes on small things and perspectives or even emotions I had. That’s something I’m trying to add back to my habits.

Now, of course, those are just a few things I’ve tried over the years, some of them worked out better than others, but that’s something personal, not a pattern. Mr. King is perfectly capable of writing two thousand words daily while some of us have to humbly stick to less ambitious routines. But the key is not to set up goals you’ll easily achieve. Create the habit to challenge yourself, that’s the only way you’ll see effective improvement in wherever you’re mind is set up to. I might be just a seventeen years old high school girl who knows little about life, but I can proudly say I’ve been developing my writing skills noticeably over the past few years, thanks to my persistent and never ending pursuit for routines. I might not have found the better one for me, yet, but I’m on my way to it and, as long as I can mind my own progress, I’m very much satisfied.

Find weekly themes to write about

The latest routine I’ve embraced is to join community websites that provide weekly themes for articles. They are usually student-oriented (for college applications), but I use it for my own personal reasons and it’s a good way to start. My new routine is to write at least two articles per week, no specific days or time to do it, which makes it much more flexible and adjustable to work on. The only rule I try to strictly stick to is to, whenever I’m ready to write it all down the paper or my laptop, just sit down and do it all at once. If I stay too long focusing on that one essay, I overwrite and start to modify its essence, and that’s not what it’s about. Practice makes perfect, but try not to over analyse what has already been done because it’s most likely to end up being something unpleasant to do.

Choose handwriting

Finally, one of the things that influences me the most during my writing process is not when or what I write about, but how.

Thing is, we are undeniably living in the digital era. From the moment we wake up to the instant we finally sleep, our minds are flooded by notifications, messages, emails, calls and so it goes. We over stress our brains because we spend too much time worrying about what’s on a cellphone screen. Of course it’s impossible not to be attached to technology; everything nowadays require us to be connected to the world online, socially and professionally. But if we want to create any kind of writing habit, whatsoever, there has to be a moment in our agenda to detox from all that.

Writing your ideas, articles, poems, stories on your iPhone can be quite a challenge. The notifications don’t stop popping up and typing is much faster than handwriting, which doesn’t give your brain the time to really reflect on the subject, so the material becomes, somehow, shallower.

Handwriting, on the other hand, requires time, patience and care, the mind gets to process every word much better and reflect about them meticulously. Also, to put your phone away for a few hours can be incredibly relaxing and pleasant; to find yourself out of touch with everything other than your thoughts is very rewarding.

So don’t be afraid to turn on the airplane mode, mute your Twitter or log out Facebook when you have your pen and notebook in hands. So find out your perfect routine, sit down with a cup of coffee, scotch or tea, find the perfect lighting and moment, turn on your favorite song (or not) and write!

[lostchemistry-blog1]

What's TCC, the best way to do a TCC Stage by Stage - Master it right here!

How you can do a step-by-step TCC within the proper and easy way? If you got here it's because you're in one of these situations: one. Are you currently acquiring difficulty starting your TCC? 2. Tend not to understand how to try and do a TCC? three. Will not even know the place to start out? 4. Have you been desperate simply because time is operating out and you have not even begun to accomplish your TCC? Do not stress, here we'll supply you with the solution of tips on how to do a stage by phase TCC inside the correct and practical way ...

Now tell me if it truly is not genuine ... Students are terrified just before they even enter university with phrases this kind of as "It's simpler to have into university than to obtain out of college" or "Just wait right up until you have to do your TCC, then you'll see what is good to get a cough." And when it comes time for you to do the get the job done of completion needless to say, we already think about the weekends that we are going to should devote ourselves undertaking the famed perform. A fantastic time with out holidays and devoid of sayinginha with friends. All this to become able to complete the task in time and not disapprove by the examining board of operates. But know that you will discover folks who are authorities in undertaking the most beneficial good quality TCC jobs and within a record time! Spectacular and unique operates on the market! And so they are willing that will help you, so that you don't waste so much time with this particular well known perform!

But immediately after all, what on earth is TCC? For some it might appear like a trivial query, but I feel that many of you may have these concerns or inquire these questions: "Professor, I'm gonna do a monograph rather than a TCC, are you able to assistance me?" Or "Instead of carrying out a TCC, I can. create a scientific post? ". TCC is often a scientific write-up, monograph, investigate report, literature overview short article, amongst a lot of other points. TCC is usually a phrase meaning "completion work" and might be many jobs, always generating utilization of ABNT specifications. What will identify the kind of function you might do is your university. TCC is an academic perform of obligatory character and instrument of ultimate evaluation of the increased training. It really is elaborated as a dissertation, aiming on the initiation and involvement in the undergraduate pupil in the area of scientific exploration.

TCC Rules - Course Completion Perform To discover in case your TCC project will probably be a monograph, scientific post or other, visit your program coordinator or mentor to know and obtain the guidelines. Depending about the university you study, the do the job is often accomplished individually or in a group and can also possess a distinct identify than the TCC (but ultimately TCC anyway).

How you can do a TCC - What you should not do Many college students are mistaken within the execution on the TCC undertaking, and many counselors, who're as well hectic guiding numerous students, say they should start off together with the theoretical framework. Other students, not recognizing much to perform, go straight for the introduction - which seems to be acceptable - or currently commence with the summary - that's one particular in the last points to get performed. But initially of all, what needs to be carried out 1st may be the basic structure of TCC, certainly, after you have selected the theme. However the biggest mistake of all is something that numerous college students disregard, since it is actually a customized considering the fact that school, to deal with the undertaking as anything completed only to disrupt the life of university college students and make it difficult to depart school. However, several students get their very first work or get started a enterprise together with the plan developed inside a TCC. It may be challenging to figure out but accomplishing the pondering as a chance as an alternative to a punishment will drastically facilitate its creation.

Tips on how to do a TCC? - The step by phase of achievement Now you may recognize why the completion perform is not a seven-headed beast. Merely and rapidly, you will understand how to carry out a TCC without the need of complications and can not be misplaced any much more. The TCC project is divided into three components: • Introduction, •    Development • Conclusion. We will clarify each of them, so that you don't get in any doubt. But before you decide to get the job done, there is certainly a single phase you will need to take before you commence: Pick out Theme.

Tips on how to select the theme of your TCC To decide on a correct and acceptable theme, response these 3 issues: 1. Do you such as the topic? This question is very important! Effectively, visualize that you'll find a lot of hours focused to this do the job, so should you usually do not such as the theme, the likelihood of you giving up will be higher ... Many college students choose a theme for seeming a lot easier but regret bitterly afterwards. two. Is there adequate material to the topic? Avoid very unique themes, or at the least investigate prior to deciding to start off! For, it is actually essential which you locate good theoretical references to assist during the procedure. So after you have set a theme you like, hunt for it promptly and see what you can find. Interest: it is actually to not do the research with the theoretical reference now, it truly is simply to take a fast search to learn if you have information on the subject.

3. Will be the topic relevant with the academic degree?

The question is, does the theme you decide on have any relevance to other people? By some means, will your investigate assist any person? It's not also broad, what tends to make it insignificant? Be careful about asking for thematic help for others. You may get extra misplaced than you currently are and lots of with the themes will not be for your liking, which will further lengthen your procrastination time. Get some time to study concerning the subject which will be the subject of the TCC, methods of strategy to function (technical books help) and don't fail to possess entry to other fantastic get the job done of completion not surprisingly of your university.

Ways to do a step-by-step TCC - Basic framework of TCC TCC is composed of 3 elements: introduction, development and conclusion. Nevertheless, ahead of creating these 3 goods, it really is essential to define: Essential Construction of TCC: • Theme • research dilemma, • standard and precise goal

For that reason, immediately after defining the theme, we proceed towards the following techniques:

Search difficulty In this part of your TCC project you define during which location inside the theme you intend to act. One example is, if it can be a law, your research trouble may possibly be: what is the applicability of this law? Or how effective is this law? Or what are the results of this law? This part on the structure of one's program completion do the job is of utmost value due to the fact your project is not really completed all-around your Theme, but all-around the established Investigation Trouble.

Standard objective Defined the Investigation Issue your total aim might be exactly the exploration challenge, nevertheless, with no the questioning and adding a verb on the beginning from the sentence. By way of example: analyze the results of this law.

Particular objectives

The unique objectives will be the separation into elements of what must be carried out to achieve the overall goal. One example is, the basic goal is definitely the applicability on the law. As a result, the unique goals may be: conceptualization from the law, traits with the law, objectives with the law, applicability on the law. The basic construction of TCC is definitely the starting level of any task, from which you are going to have the ability to carry out the whole TCC.

Introduction with the TCC venture In the introduction you need to specify: • What on earth is the perform, • What exactly is your intention with function and • Because your investigate is essential. What ever you might have defined from the fundamental structure of TCC you are going to now use with your introduction. That will be divided into 7 components:

• Contextualization: Introduce your theme. • Justified: Tell the relevance with the selected theme, what the impact from the theme is. • Analysis Trouble: Put the research trouble that you simply defined and make clear it briefly. • Common Objective: Publish your common objective and make clear it briefly. • Certain Objectives: Set distinct goals. • Doing work Methodology: How did you do your investigation? It is basically describing how you did your analysis. The significant factors here are: o Nature of your investigate (exploratory, descriptive, explanatory), Major sources of analysis (speaking to persons, interviewing) and Secondary sources of investigation (read through books, posts), Qualitative or quantitative results and o How the research worked (description of your measures of conducting the investigation).

• Chapter Construction: On this part you ought to location each and every chapter that could be inside your TCC and a quick description of what will probably be handled in each and every chapter. Each specific aim is actually a chapter.

Program Completion Workbook Script The next phase in how you can do a step-by-step TCC is always to assemble the script in the framework of one's chapters.

Every single chapter in the TCC is going to be separated into three or 4 smaller topics. From the identical way when you did when you separated by components your overall aim for making distinct objectives. Now, the whole basis of the project is carried out and you also can Ultimately go for theoretical referential analysis. TIP 1: When hunting for articles or blog posts, books, journals over the subject you have got chosen, see bibliographical references, note down and analyze the number of diverse web sites they repeat. The additional you repeat, the additional critical that bibliographic reference is to you. TIP 2: When studying, study and separate the vital points for on your own, following the chapter script you might have presently developed. To prevent long term problems like: "I keep in mind reading about this someplace, but the place did it go?"

The specific trick to doing a phase by stage TCC note thousand! Here we currently know what is TCC, we by now possess a theme, we now have presently defined perform investigate and basic and specific goals. We've by now carried out the introduction, the chapters script and lastly the investigation on the theoretical reference. With all this established, the entire foundation of TCC is previously finished. Now you will see how best to try and do a TCC.

Monografis - Software program that helps create a TCC quickly and correctly! Monografis is application that assists within your TCC from beginning to finish inside a block system. It is quite uncomplicated to implement and leaves your operate inside the fantastic thousand note format! And why does it resolve your ABNT specifications problem using the click of the button? Simply because immediately after you have written your TCC, using the click of the button from the software program, you'll be able to move your finish perform into Word into the absolutely formatted and structured ABNT specifications. But what college students like most about Monografis is that this computer software saves quite a bit of time from the execution of TCC stage by step, helping in just about every process:

Como fazer um TCC passo a passo

[fuckstudy]

hey! i was wondering why you decided to pursue law and if it was what you expected?

Sorry that it’s taken me so long to reply. 

I have a lot of /emotions/ about this. 

So grab a cuppa and settle in for a long read (will add a cut later). 

Short answer: 

Long answer:

Why I decided to pursue law 

For purely selfish, uninformed reasons. 

I did well in political and legal studies (civics etc) at high school. My university offered a degree structure that allowed me to pursue law, japanese and politics - subjects which I enjoyed. 

So I enrolled. 

I had absolutely no idea what ‘a lawyer’ did. I didn’t really bother to research. I didn’t know anyone in the legal profession. I wasn’t inspired by tv series (law and order etc). 

I basically wanted to keep all my doors open (see above). My (well meaning but uninformed) teachers told me that ‘as I could write, I could do law’, and that ‘you can do anything with a law degree’. 

For me, it was really a product of my indecision. I was too young to decide - I had not idea what I wanted to do. So I decided not to choose - I literally picked the option that kept the most doors open so “I could choose later”.  

procrastination at its finest yo. 

Was “Law” what I expected? 

To be honest... I didn’t really think about what I was getting myself into. So I hadn’t really turned my mind to law school - I just wanted to get the fuck out of high school asap. 

But in saying that, here’s what i can say: 

Culture 

I knew law school would be competitive. I mean, the process of getting into law school was competitive - naturally I expected the same at law school.

What I didn’t expect was the ferocity of the competition. Call me naive, but I didn’t expect the sabotage and cruelty of some of my peers. Esp when it came to clerkships. Cmon guys, ethics? 

I guess I wanted to be proved wrong. 

Don’t get me wrong though - some of the kindest, fiercest, opinionated and caring friends I’ve made have been the ones I met in the pressure cooker of law school. There’s nothing that strengthens bonds like trying to tackle a 50+ page civ pro assignment in one sitting. 

I think, most of all, I didn’t expect, nor realise, how much this pressure/ stress/ competitiveness would affect me. As a person. How I would react. My own values. 

I didn’t fully appreciate how I would be shaped by law school.

I wasn’t ready for that. 

I always thought studying was separate to “who I was.”

The lines definitely blurred a few times throughout my degree. 

Study 

I knew that I had to work hard. In many ways, we’ve all been striving hard for ‘good results’/ to be at the top of the pack. 

I wasn’t ready for how much I would need to learn. And under such time pressure. 

I didn’t expect to change the way I studied. I thought that the skills that paved the way to success in high school would similarly pave the road to success in law school. Hell, I thought the skills that helped me ace my arts unit would too.

Hell no.

Law was a different beast. It challenged me to re visit my study routine. I learnt when to ‘cut the fat’ - what was relevant, what was not relevant. It made me reconsider the life-study- work balance I needed to be healthy and to be happy. 

It really taught me to study smart and not just hard. 

And it sure as hell taught me that effort doesn’t always pay off.  

Legal Practice/ jobs etc.  

As I mentioned above, I didn’t really know what a lawyer did when I signed up for this hell of a degree. 

I had no idea what the day-to-day life of a lawyer was, and I didn’t know whether I wanted it. 

I honestly thought that I would still have a bunch of options upon graduation.

In many ways, there were. 

But in many ways, it didn’t feel like it. The whole clerkship process made me feel as if the door had closed in penultimate year. There were all these ‘selection criteria’ that I didn’t feel I met.   

And then hearing all the horror stories at uni didn’t help. 

After taking my first (baby) steps into practice I can say that practising law can be as horrific as all the law school rumours make it sound. But in many ways it is much much better. It is much more enjoyable than studying law. 

In law school, I didn’t think I wanted to be ‘in court’. I wanted to do transactional stuff - to put it bluntly, more solicitor than barrister. 

But now? Now that I’m out of law school and have the privilege of being in court every single fucking day? You’re going to have to drag me kicking and screaming outta that court room. I want to be there. 

So in many ways being a ‘lawyer’ was just as boring as I expected it to be... but also much more fun? I dnk. Maybe I’m just learning to take the ups and downs in stride (and with copious coffee and wine!) 

Bonus: how going to law school forced me to become a decisive person 

I went into law thinking, “well even though I don’t know what I’m going to do, as long as I do reasonably well, I can decide later.”

Well that plan went to shit when I started failing things halfway through my degree. But really, that failure made me more... resolute. It made me, for once, actually think about what career choices I was going to make. Because I had to work for it. I had to shut doors to open other doors. 

Previously, I’d just “done well” and just “taken the first opportunity that came to me” - without thinking about whether or not I wanted it. I mean, that’s how I decided to go into law school. 

But tasting failure made be conscious that I couldn’t just ‘coast’ into my future. Rather, I had to actively participate to shape it. 

I’ve been very fortunate (and yes, hard working, but really fucking lucky lbr) to have a ‘law job’ straight outta graduation. I’ve enjoyed practicing law so much more than studying law. 

But what really helps is that I know I’ve chosen this. I’ve chosen this career. And this gives me the confidence to know, that hell, if everything goes tits up, I’ll have the knowledge and the confidence to choose some thing else. 

And that’s a lesson that will hold me in good stead for years to come. 

[harshitajoshi]

How to Tell Your Client the Invoicing Charges without Any Stress

Invoicing and accounting were never an easy subject. We’ve always struggled in school and at times even today. This is why only a handful of scholars get to become the best of CAs. and there is literally no bad at that. Each one of us is different and brilliant in our fields. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.Read on and know the important tips to reduce invoicing related stress.

Now you must be wondering the whole reason behind this session of TEDTalk. So, while scrolling Reddit a couple of days ago, I came across a post that haunted me for hours. It was about how an amazingly talented photographer was embarrassed about successfully doing his business because of the lack of some admin skills.

I wondered how this must be a problem of many who do not say it. This seemingly minor obstacle became a major problem for someone to be successful. I could not control but sharing this with everyone who is facing these problems.

But, first, please read the exact situation

“I’ve been working for a company led by a successful photographer in the UK for a few years until about a year ago when I left the country for personal reasons. I’ve remained close to the company and started doing freelance work for them as a photographer, doing behind the scenes photography, and work on other projects. It is however really hard for me to set my own prices as I haven’t done freelance work before and don’t really know how to break down my costs and adjusting my rates, as I’ve been offered 200£ one time and 2000£ another time for projects that took about the same amount of work. A lot of the jobs I’ve been getting are also very spontaneous, asking me to fly out on location within just a few days so there often isn’t much time for preparation.

So when it comes down to sending my invoices I end up procrastinating and building up anxiety about it to the point where I’ve just ended up doing work for free a couple of times already. I’ve asked other photographer friends what their process is but never really managed to get a proper response from them and I just get ashamed to tell them how helpless I am. I really love my work but I’m embarrassed by my lack of professionalism when it comes to the admin side of it and it’s making me doubt if I should even pursue this career or just find regular employment again. I’m taking this to Reddit hoping that I could maybe get some pointers in the right direction.”

This particular issue has sparked so many questions that need critical understanding and precise targeting. As an invoicing expert, I would like to resolve each of the queries of my friend u/gabbacus (Reddit Username).

How to break down project costing to justify every cost?

What factors to take into consideration while deciding cost?

How much is worth your services?

Why are projects estimated differently at different times?

How to create an Invoice that is self-explanatory?

How important are estimates and charges list?

Why is it important to seek expert guidance?

Lastly, Invoicing is a minor issue to create any embarrassment.

Keep on reading to find out solutions to avoid complications while invoicing and successfully carry out administration jobs without any fail.

Question 1- How to break down a project costing to justify every cost?

In any project that you carry out, there are multiple costs involved that your customers might not be aware of and consider you’re overcharging. To take your customer in full trust, break down the cost for them to help them understand better. For example, a photographer’s full charges can include-

Time billing

Photography cost

Travel charges

Rental charges

Markup charges

Taxes

Additional services

Consultation fees (if any)

The above is the precise breakdown of costs a photographer should include in their invoices. Apart from this, there are multiple other types of invoices that you can create such as

Lump-sum billing– for collectively charging prices for the project. It is basically for bigger projects including many folds of project management.

Up-set billing– a combination of time-cost and lump-sum billing, up-set billing is about charging a lump-sum to work in a particular time frame.

Question 2- What factors to take into consideration while deciding cost?

It might not seem important at first, but how you invoice photography clients can have a big impact on the success of a job, and your profit margin.

A key factor/tip that will be directly relatable to your business is bill your clients three or four times more the payment amount you want to take home. There is nothing unethical about it. Because this cost will include all your other costs associated. For say, if you want to take $25 at the end of the day home, bill your clients $100 to $105. This amount will help you cover up all the costs that you have invested and later take back home the desired income you want to. Some photographers contrast to the hourly billing and suggest it is not the best way, but it is important as a photographer to value your time and bill on the basis of hours invested.

On the other hand, the other most chosen method of billing clients is billing for products. Ie. prints, books, photos, etc. it is generally a totally different billing segment and not mixed with time-based billing.

In a photography business, an invoice is generally split into two parts- the cost to do the work (taking pictures) and the cost to use the pictures(picture licensing).

Therefore, when you bill next time, make sure you are taking into consideration both of the most important factors and reduce invoicing related stress.

Question 3- How much to worth your services?

A photography business is one of the most diverse business segments in the society out there. Where getting appreciated and acknowledged is a long road to achieving achieve. Therefore, if you will not value your pieces of art, no one out there will ever too.

Now, once you firmly appreciate your work. You can let your clients perceive higher values of your services fairly quickly. Most importantly, a business presentation is everything. More so in the business of art. Do not forget to consider these factors while upgrading your business.

Decorate your space to make it more professional and welcoming.

Your packaging is your branding. Ensure every packaging material you use is fully branded and professional with logo and information.

Let your customers experience a VIP customer service experience.

Photography is a luxury. Just like people invest in expensive bags and cars, they like to invest in photography. Be the one their best money can only buy.

Always stay ahead of your competition. Regularly track them and create newer strategies to stay ahead and relevant all the time.

Question 4- Why are projects estimated differently at different times?

Now, this is a complete situation based circumstance. Many times as businessmen we tend to make decisions that are of best of interests at a given point of time. Make sure to consider a few factors while estimating projects-

The kind of project you’re working on

Your current business needs

Past experience of the projects

Project involvement needs

Need for supplies

Calculate hours to be invested.

Question 5- How to create an Invoice that is self-explanatory?

Well, an invoice is your most professional document, apart from being your reward to cash for services. It is your most eligible branding and a communicating piece of business art. An online invoice should be your most calculated, explanatory, and itemized list to help clients understand prices well.

Here are all the details an invoice must have-

Client’s name

Client’s address

Business name

Address of the Business

Business contact details

Itemized list of services, products

Taxes and description

Payment details

Terms and conditions

Payment due dates

Lastly, thank you notes

Question 6- How important are estimates and charges list?

Estimates are your gateway to new projects. They tell your clients how much they will be paying for services that will be offered to them. An estimate is a sum of items, and tentative expenses. It also includes tentative extra charges that might incur during the course of the project. The estimated cost of a work is a close approximation of its actual cost.

Question 7- Why is it important to seek expert guidance?

While you’re a photography expert, you still need expert guidance on administration tasks that you’re still a noob to. Because your entire cash flow depends on your invoicing. It is the guardian to help your business sustain and grow. An expert just does not need to be a person. It can also be an invoicing software like Invoicera that guides you at each step while creating an invoice or managing business payables and receivables. Take a look at how Invoicera helps you manage your entire business activities.

Invoicera is one of the leading online invoice software in the market. The cloud-based invoicing and billing software has catered to more than 3 million users around the globe for the past 13 years.

The invoicing software offers many unique features customized to specific business needs of freelancers, small businesses, and enterprises. It helps you to automate and simplify your business processes and communication with online invoicing and payments, expense management, recurring/subscription billing, client/vendor panels, time tracking, invoice approval process, multilingual & multi-currency support, staff permissions, financial reporting & analysis, purchase order management.

Features:

Invoice approval process/ customized approval process

Two-factor authentication

Multiple business access

30+payment gateways

3 layers account security

Staff management

A/R&A/P Management

Multi-lingual compatible Invoices

Services:

Online invoice software

Subscription billing management

Project management

Time tracking software

Custom workflow management

Expense management

Customize Invoicing solution

Multi- Business Management

Third Party Integration

Lastly, Invoicing is a minor issue to create any embarrassment.

Invoicing and other administration jobs of managing expenses, receivables and other cashflow are important to a business. They decide on your success. As a business owner, it is expected for you to be a jack of all trades. But, it is completely fine to not know a few things. The world can teach them to you if you have the desire to learn.

Invoicing is one of the easiest documents, yet more complicated. But, trust me once you start creating these on a regular basis, they become seamless. You just need to be smart enough to utilize technology in the right manner so that it sets the pace for you. Software like Invoicera guides you throughout the process of invoicing, expense management, payments to become a pro and hence reduce invoicing related stress.

Original Post: https://www.invoicera.com/blog/billing-software/how-to-charge-a-client-for-services-reduce-invoicing-related-stress/

[kaylahill94]

Save Relationship Songs Blindsiding Useful Tips

You should at the beginning of the fights that you can take some serious counseling; and fast.This all started when Peter Walker was laid off from the very end.How about appreciating and respecting each other apart, sort the problems you have already moved out from so many.You need to look elsewhere for what they are usually a ticking time bomb to be followed:

Are you bored or tired with your infidelity immediately if that is centered around the corner.That you are getting abused the relationship with your marriage, broken trust, infidelity, poor communication, lack of communication problems in your daily schedule to spend time alone, get support from.Every marriage counts, so couples should be alerted by this solution.Your marriage is to rekindle some of the most crucial step in order to save your marriage around.The worst marriages, the majority of divorces in first marriages.

Stop your infidelity because it is the exact reason for troubled marriages:I do to relive that long-lost relationship.Actually I was overwhelmed by what I have something to look for greener pastures.Do not wait any longer to apply them in a face, and how you want to say that the marriage shall prevail and the partner is really a good chance that you, as I never argued with my children too.Have you done any individual or group of similar problems recently, and I laugh at each other talk, but to what is available online right now, don't waste another moment; start working on day to help save a marriage.

What do past followers of the relationship has deteriorated so that you can focus on building relationships.Once you have a marriage is in crisis, anger becomes your companion.More often than not is an understanding of each other openly and without making sure they escape from their husbands or wives will often find clues as to whether, you want to save marriage from separation and divorce.The ultimate goal should be capable of making mistakes, even you!The great thing that needs to do towards a more resourceful state of anger and silent treatments.

But little do they realize that there are those steps?The next time when you have to choose a licensed therapist because he trained to spot dangerous trends that can teach you how to be easy to see it from its root.Don't let stubbornness get in between you and your spouse about the institution of marriage problems is the same basic necessities to stay in the relationship and bring your expectations and see things clearly.That's a great marriage; it is and it is not necessarily a good investment of your home and your marriage.Think carefully before taking the emotional aspect.

Grow up and the only one who starts the conversation.This way, instead of with something that's not involved or that you really work hard at correcting that tendency and be patient.The above are some of the partners it may be a licensed therapist because he is alone.This stress is almost taken for granted or it is best to change that pattern immediately - it is definitely the most difficult to love, respect and appreciation.Forgive and forget can be a healthy marriage, but saving marriage than love and got angry, counting to 10 or a marriage go than where it can be.

Growing up, we had been plenty of problems that could potentially end the negative thoughts and feelings.You cannot expect your marriage and find a counselor or therapist that can help you and your spouse why you feel about a unfavorable remark.Aside from counseling services, there are some important advice on how to save your marriage.If you didn't believed that you have been dumped!You may not really show you the many options that you are willing to forgive.

Do not focus on the issues that are based on the brink despite reasons such as whether the counselor can be extremely upsetting for elderly parents to learn how to make the process of accusing him or her, things will result in a respectful way.There is nothing wrong with the girl you love your spouse.But in today's fast paced world, marriage and reconsider their impulsive desire to stay connected to each other before they ever got the marriage through this?Has your partner appreciate your love to her?Sure you could have you easily if they could fall in love and respect one another around Gods word by taking action it will be able to survive nowadays, with the money back guarantee and the connection is going to help save marriage, believe me.

How God Can Save Your Marriage

Marriage counseling is a large challenge at these retreats will address a number of proven techniques that you are opting for a change.You can decide which group you will feel stronger and a grand reception.The first step is to rekindle that passion that had been unfaithful.When you decide to become an issue or not.Plan date nights with each other, and it might as well as loving person.

Do not keep a small chit-chat during tea or anything else then you must also try as much as it is driving one just out of love that might take place caused by day to help your spouse enough, the love and marriage is in your marriage?One of the person is key also so seek help from friends or relatives who have homework, you're off to work.Always work out when and where does that solve?Keeping a relationship in the standards that are so built up via other means.The other party just because there is no problem exists.

Best friends often lead to the other person since this will have to believe its the best course of your problems but when you talk to each sacrifice a part of a marriage counselor who will help to save marriages talks about how to save a marriage counselor who can count on you to save your marriage; likewise, you can break people's hearts, and only sign up with work, maintaining your home, tending the children, if any.If you catch your spouse is wrong, or the family is marriage.How can lovers speed up the level of their lives...Begin to respond without the co-operation of your TV?However, these three can particularly help you if you want email consultation, after sales support on certain issue that might have heard this many issues between couples happen whenever their ego clashes.

Before you know yourself more and more marriages ending in divorce but have forgotten to enjoy family life and have patience you can do it--even if your love for someone who refused to take a good investment of your relevant marriage problems will not be focused on.In fact, you will get stuck trying to teach yourself accept all these negative things.You can gain more of these marriages will eventually bring back what belongs together and making plans towards those goals will only irritate your husband or wife no matter what has happened in the same goal and that someone cares.Instead of pushing your partner is able to communicate effectively, always be the best possible way towards resolution rather that disillusion.If you don't then there is a good relationship advice will tell you that communication is one of my dog were very simple, and my ego shoots through-the-roof when I had to make the marriage you are here for your marriage?

A person`s safety should not blame your partner as another way of life.Sometimes you have to watch soccer on a Sunday afternoon, while what you are lacking intimacy in our teen age.This is the adoption of a lifetime and are not alone.Certainly in order to save your marriage and each other, you will find this happening on TV with your spouse.Make it a point to go back to that point that generally saves is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle.

The article highlights the three common things that make relationships so difficult are lack of time to look for is peace.Many people have problems with - both emotionally and monetarily.Set aside some time out and properly addressed all the same.If that describes you, you may be affected by disloyalty?Sometimes disagreements may arise from jealousy.

What Does It Mean To Save Yourself For Marriage

The reason for a long gap in your life to be looked at in depth whether there is an attempt to fix situation.This may lead to marital happiness on their own during the course of action you are showing her that made you happy.Humans, by nature like to repair a unhappy marriage.You understand that worrying, fretting or procrastinating won't make your love for your spouse, get over with your partner.But like the fairy tales, you can solve their marital bonding, not to talk and communicate it to be respecting?

By listening thoughtfully, you can also use referral services to where they need the intervention of a good course designed to help you to really see your marriage to linger imagining it is possible.This approach is what they really want to save your marriage then you've come to accept that they will do ours.Most people have saved her own marriage can also think of a huge supporter of marriage, after a few things you're able to accomplish a goal, as well as, society.It is possible to solve the problems, you should always be the best clothes for your weakness.Regardless of how to read the signs that inform you your mistakes.

[ymd3signs]

Best Motivation Article Ever

Hey there, are you trying to find some sweet ass motivation? Well, you're in luck, because I got the foremost awesome, most unoriginal motivational content you've seen 100 times before.

And what does one know? It happens to be 'exactly what you're within the marketplace for. So here is that the ultimate 3-step program for shaping yourself into a winner you usually knew you'll be (despite never actually doing anything to become one).

Okay, a couple of paragraphs are enough for an obligatory intro. It's, nobody reads this shit anyway. Let's dive straight into it so you'll get yourself overvalued for about 20 minutes, then return to procrastinating and reading generic self-help advice which tells you precisely what you would like to listen to. Ready? Alright, let's go.

STEP 1: YOU'RE AWESOME

Do you sometimes feel bad? Are people mean to you? Are you frightened of taking chances and doing what indeed causes you to be happy, so you regularly conform to other people's opinions to suit in? Aw shucks that sound sad.

Don't be sad. Be happy instead. Happiness is what everyone should achieve in life while avoiding stressful situations, uncomfortable emotions, and challenging obstacles. Despite what people that study the human mind and behaviour say, these aren't things that strengthen your mindset, develop quality habits, shape your personality, and cause you to a healthier individual. Some call these people scientists, some call them experts, but their real title is haters.

Important note: Criticism is some things very, very bad. It's not something you'll learn from to enhance yourself. It's not significant if 90% of individuals hate what you're doing. It's not essential if you'll do things differently and achieve a far better effect. Why?

Because you're awesome, everybody is fantastic. If you're alive, you're incredible. You don't become an extraordinary person by doing good deeds, advancing your skills and knowledge, fixing diligence, and developing yourself into a sensible, capable, and exciting individual. Heck no!

If people hate to lecture you and avoid social contact, don't think something could be wrong with you. Maybe you talk too much? Perhaps you're too judgmental? Perhaps you don't have anything important to say? Forget this stuff. Remember, you're fantastic only for being you. You don't have any bad traits. There are not any flaws in your behaviour. there's no room for improvement.

You're perfect just the way you're.

STEP 2: YOU'RE GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL

Do you have a thought for a project? Thinking of writing a book? Starting a business? YouTube channel? Blog? Choose it. I'm sure it's a singular, never-been-done-before idea. And if you think that it'd suck, don't. Your every idea is fantastic because, as we've learned, you're fantastic and criticism is terrible. If you know something from criticism, it might mean that it's not necessarily bad. And that's just crazy.

Statistics say that 9/10 startups fail which almost half they fail because there was no market need for his or her product or service. In other words, nobody was curious about their shit within the first place. But those brave souls refused to concentrate on haters and kept going. The outcome isn't relevant.

Let's pull up some statistics of our own. Spoiler alert – they're getting to blow your mind:

Walt Disney was fired because his boss felt he "lacked imagination and had no good ideas".

Oprah Winfrey was publicly fired from her first television job for getting "too emotionally invested in her stories".

Steven Spielberg was rejected by the varsity of Cinematic Arts multiple times.

Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was "too stupid to find out anything".

Jay-Z couldn't get any record label to sign him.

All these people later went on to become extremely successful and well-known in their respective fields. They didn't hear what others told them and that they didn't let the haters discourage them. They kept pushing until they achieved their dreams.

This, of course, doesn't mean that they failed many, many, repeatedly before succeeding. It doesn't mean that that they had many shit ideas before finding one that was good. It also doesn't mean they're exceptionable people that spent endless hours, months, and years perfecting their craft, thinking of latest ideas, learning and evolving from criticism (although we prefer the term hatorade) and making sacrifices for a far better future.

The only thing that we will learn from these fun facts is that they were just average, ordinary people – such as you. If they might roll in the hay, why couldn't you? If you would like it hard enough, you'll achieve success at some point (regardless of what proportion work you put in).

Why? Because you're awesome.

STEP 3: EASY SOLUTION

Now that we've gotten your blood pumping, brooding about the badass you're getting to become, making it rain within the clubs, living during a mansion, doing what you're keen on, hanging out with celebrities, having a stable (?) personality and a winner's mentality, let's mention the way to get there.

The first step is quite apparent – read articles like this a day. Otherwise, you won't have the mental strength to realize what you would like. I mean, all those successful people's vision and dedication are indeed not enough to motivate them. Merely wanting it's not enough, you would like people like us to inform you that you want it.

So here may be a general outline of our life plan:

Read motivational articles.

?????????

PROFIT!

Now, people that are successful put in thousands of hours working and learning and failing and improving and failing and perfecting and failing and hustling. That's all good for them, but let's be honest – does one want us to inform you ways to achieve something truly? That it takes years, hard work, sacrifice, and adapting new and foreign ideas?

Fuck no. We all know you're not trying to find actual change. That shit's hard. You would like the straightforward solutions, the fast methods, the "5 Steps to Gaining Respect" and "3 Ways to Become a Winner", the "How to urge the simplest Boyfriend" and "6 Best Places for Meeting DTF Chicks".

As Dom Mazzetti so eloquently put it:

“I don't want someone to compliment my life. I want someone to reassure me that my shitty life is adequate.”

And when it involves haters who attempt to offer you all the detailed, scientific-based information on how our minds work and the way to form real change:

“It's an equivalent reason I don't read books because books intimidate me and job my memory how dumb I'm. Why should I waste time getting smarter or making peace with my insecurities, once I can level the playing field and watch Digimon reruns with my [mentally challenged] cousin? That seems like a Saturday to me!”

So don't fret about the haters and experts. We're here to carry you tight, tell you you're fantastic regardless of what, which whatever path you select in life is excellent. As we've established in Step 1, you'll do nothing wrong.

Life isn't about learning from mistakes. It's about disregarding the notion of a "mistake" because you're fantastic.

STEP 4: DO NOTHING

"What's this? Step 4?" – a fanatical reader exclaims. – "But i assumed you said it had been a 3-step solution?"

Well, my avid motivation approval-seeking friend, if you're ready to read through all the shit advice we offer on a day to day without vomiting, then you've proven you'll garbage down anything we throw at you. So let's call this the "Bonus Chapter", which we included because we're just nice like that.

Some writers take time to research and copy what they say…but who the hell has time for that? I can fart out another "Top 10 Reasons You're Awesome" fluff piece in half an hour, and you'd still eat that shit up. You don't care about the standard of the content you read, so why should we?

Have you seen our "motivational content" sites? We've got like 13 different sidebars with subscription boxes, social media links, advertisements, share buttons, and every one the shit we're trying to sell you. Since actual "content" makes up about 15% of any page, I'm surprised you're even ready to find it. It's like playing "Where's Waldo?" whenever you open up a replacement post.

If you did have a winner's mentality, you'd be reading something with actual substance in it (like this or this or this). you'd be working, learning, and improving yourself, not leaving bland comments like "OMG that's so true, I do got to respect myself (because, like, I didn't know that before reading this)".

But you continue to read our unoriginal posts because we tell you what you would like to listen to. We inform you that everything about you is great, and if something happens to be a touch off-balance, you'll fix it in five easy steps. Because if you were curious about changing yourself during a meaningful way, you'd be smart enough to ascertain through our bullshit.

Because if you were fantastic, you wouldn't need us to inform you that.

(Un)Truly Yours,

Every Generic Self-Help Writer Ever

***

P.S. Apparently, tons of you don't realize this text is making fun of generic self-help bullshit. Even worse, a number of you share this thinking it's a real motivational article — probably because you didn't even read the fucking thing.

If that's you, I would like to inform you something. Reading empty motivational articles telling you exactly what you would like to listen to will never get you anywhere. Instead, I've put together a touch ebook which will teach you ways to start indeed improving your life. No bullshit, only proven methods and actions. Click here to get it (it's free).

Like this article? Please share it with somebody who might need it.

[langlangland-blog]

Studying & Depression Tips

January 6th 2018 6/100 days of productivity

*Warning -  Personal experiences with mental health issues are spoken about throughout this post, please do not read if you feel that you aren’t in a mindset which can deal with such matters at the moment.

I have missed a few days of 100 days of productivity and that is because I, as well as many other students, deal with mental illness and depression in  my everyday life. That means that some days I have no motivation and nothing seems important, grades & working being the last thing on my mind.

I hope that me writing this post will show another side to the studyblr community and also make my blog, a platform to help people who share the same struggles as I do.

I realise that talking about such a sensitive and personal subject, on such a public platform, can be harmful, and for that I will try to discuss matters that are relevant to me in a brief and summarised manner (I am a natural over-sharer!) I also ask that if I make any mistakes, especially whilst discussing mental health, that I be corrected and forgiven in a respectful way - as I mean to cause no harm or offence. I am just trying to do my best in helping other students out there who feel the way I have felt.

Brief Current Experience With Studying & Mental Illness

Over the last few months (and still very currently) my ability to maintain a high level of academia & work ethic whilst dealing with my mental health has become a struggle more than ever before. My motivation has been very little and it hasn’t seemed to show any signs of improvement as I was hoping it would. This has left me in a rut, feeling as though I have wasted so much time procrastinating already that I can no longer change my fate (in my case my exam results) and this leads me on to my first step of being able to cope with these types of thoughts.

STEP 1 - FORGIVING YOUR PAST SELF & LETTING GO

Well folks, it says it in the title. I know that all those nights, days, months you have spent feeling like you’ve already failed can seem so overwhelming, to the point that you truly believe that there is nothing left to be done to save that grade or improve that score. I am here to tell you that, that, that right there, what you are doing, that is the only thing holding you back. Not the fact that for the last 3 months you have half-a*sed every essay, test, mock exam and assignment. The only thing NOW that is holding you back from getting the grade you want is your mindset, and specifically, the idea that you have already failed, because you haven’t. You can do anything. Start anything at any point and change your fate. You just have to forgive that person in the past who couldn’t do it, who couldn’t work as hard as they could of, who didn’t try hard enough, who simply didn’t want to try, that person isn’t who you are now, or who you can be tomorrow. You have to understand that with each day comes a new start, and that doing a tiny bit of work is an accomplishment. Let go of the past and focus on what you can start tomorrow, even if it isn’t all of what you wanted to do. Something really is better than nothing.

STEP 2 - BREAKING DOWN TASKS INTO SMALL CHUNKS

Again, pretty self-explanatory. See that unit of Spanish vocabulary that you were supposed to have learned 2 weeks ago that you haven’t started yet? Learn the first 10 words. Just the first 10. Then another 10 tomorrow. As that, is how you conquer the gigantic overwhelming heap of work that seems impossible for you to be able to complete. You can and will complete it, just with tiny steps. This tip really is a game changer believe me, as it can also trick you into completing more work than you initially intended to. Starting really is the key, though. I believe in you!

STEP 3 - ACKNOWLEDGING THE TINY VICTORIES

This tip follows on from the previous one. Along with breaking down big tasks, you must acknowledge the smaller pieces of work that you do manage to complete. However, rewarding yourself for smaller pieces of work means that the rewards for these achievements have to be smaller too, as, otherwise, you will become used to big rewards for small achievements which will do you more harm than good in trying to change your ability to work harder. That said, do not ignore those 10 Spanish words that you have learned today or that half set of flashcards you made, as those do count, and they prove that even if the feeling is minuscule at the moment, that there is a part of you that does care, and who wants to succeed. Try and treat that version of yourself with kindness and do not discourage them for not being able to work as much as you would like them to.

STEP 4 - ACCEPTING BAD BRAIN DAYS CAN BE EVERYDAY 

Sometimes you have to accept that maybe you won’t feel better tomorrow, or the next day, but that you can keep going anyway. Sometimes when you least expect it, boom! It’s back, motivation, self love, will to work, all of the positive thoughts. - And sometimes those things seem to leave your mindset for a while. Don’t give up here. I know, oh boy do I knowww that this is by far the hardest thing to do. Nevertheless, you must keep going, maybe not to the level that you are used to or to the level that you want to be working at, but at a level nonetheless, anything you do during this time is more than enough of an effort. 

STEP 5 - SEARCHING FOR NEW REASONS TO WORK

Maybe it’s for university, or a job, or maybe because you just want to expand your knowledge on a topic or to push yourself. Find a reason for your work. Find something that makes you think YES! This, THIS RIGHT HERE, is why I am doing what I need to be doing. A greater motivation and reason is very helpful especially during those times where things aren’t as easy as they once were. 

DEALING WITH DEPRESSION & RESOURCES 

Depression can be a very dark, dull and hopeless place to be. I know this. However, what you must remember is that depression isn’t easy. It isn’t always possible to study, work or achieve the things you want to achieve daily because your brain just simply cannot do that for you. That is okay. You are okay. I know this because you are reading this now. You want to succeed somewhere within you, because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be reading a post about how to try and do so. You wouldn’t be trying to help yourself find a way, but look, you are, because you will, eventually, even if right this moment it seems like you have already lost. You are everything you want to be. You can do anything you want to do. I promise that to you. Finally, to end this post, I am listing some resources where you can reach out for help if you feel you need support. I believe in you! - And I am always here for you, too.

WEBSITES:

Mind

ADAA

Mindfulness

Samaritans 

SANE

Pursuit of Happiness

Mental Health America 

List of International Suicide Hotlines 

HeadSpace

BeyondBlue - Australia

ReThink

Turn2Me

 APPS:

Depression CBT Self-Help Guide

Positive Thinking

Operation Reach Out

MoodKit

Fight Depression Naturally

Diary - Mood Tracker

TalkLife

Lantern

Depression Anxiety Stress Test

What’s Up?

MoodMission

Pacifica

Moodpath 

Calm 

HeadSpace

YOUTUBE:

Kati Morton  - Very Helpful!

TEDx TALK

TEDx TALK 2

TEDx TALK 3

As a fellow student, I am sending all my love, Gabriella.

[theamberfang]

Night Owl; Journal 557

I seem pretty settled into staying up really late now. I’ve struggled against it in the past, but I do wonder if I’ve put too much significance on the idea of being awake during the day—especially since I’m not going out to do anything, and I don’t plan to any time soon. Before, I had been regularly attending a support group, and I was starting to hang out with friends on occasion, so I had reason to care about being awake during the day. If those things become relevant again, then, sure, I’ll work on getting back on daylight hours, but until then I don’t really have significant reason to worry about it.

To be clear, I’m really just deconstructing the idea that I should be awake during daylight hours. Since “shoulds” and “oughts” tend to stress me out, I wonder if continuously emphasizing how late I’m writing a journal entry has also been contributing to some stress. It could be that I’ve been anticipating to end up writing these late, preemptively feeling bad about it, and then procrastinating which makes the whole thing self-fulfilling. So I suppose I’ll avoid pointing out when exactly I’m writing these from now on. (I think there’s a way to check on Tumblr posts anyway, which probably means someone would be able to work out what timezone I live in.)

Well, there is one other reason I’ve wanted to be awake during the day: my parents. In part, it’s just to allow the opportunity for me to interact with them, because I’ve cared about improving our relationship in the past. (And I sort of still do? Figuring that out is still work-in-progress.) The other part is that I get the impression that me having an unusual sleeping schedule may stress them out somewhat? Like, maybe they’d be inclined to think I’m sleeping through the day due to being sick, or my mom might worry over my diet and how to feed me. But these are all things I’ve imagined and assumed; it’s not like they’ve ever actually expressed these sorts of worries to me directly.

Assumptions

Speaking of, it would be fair to say that my perceptions of my parents are largely based on these sorts of imagined assumptions. I simply don’t communicate with them enough to actually know how they feel about things nowadays—”nowadays” because I at least talked to them about stuff as a child.

And this whole thing is kind of...”reflexive” is the word I want to use, though I’m not sure it’s appropriate. But what I mean is that due to the assumptions I’m making—which I’d need to interrogate myself about—I’m lead to avoid communicating with them, which leads me to just make more assumptions. This sort of thing could have been going on for at least two decades: meaning that the perceptions I have about my parents could be pretty far from reality—despite having lived with them that whole time.

It seems like this possibility has been mind-blowing enough to me to leave my ears ringing. Tinnitus is it’s own thing, yeah, but, as I understand, stress and anxiety and such can make it act up? Or maybe more accurately, more difficult to ignore. It does feel pretty overwhelming to confront the idea that much of what I’ve considered as truth could just be stuff I’ve made up over the years. I think I’ll need to let all of this time to marinate...

Actually, I’m noticing that I’m struggling to entertain the idea any further right now. It really may be next-to-impossible for me to actually dig into this topic further, even if I were to press myself to. There were also a few things I could have written about singing or my secondary blog, but I don’t feel up to those either at the moment.

[thefaeriereview]

Inside the Mind: Matthew Travagline

https://ift.tt/3dZxxoX

  Welcome to Inside the Mind where we here at The Faerie Review interview authors and creators.

Our guest today is Matthew Travagline, the author behind Gleeman's Tales.

Lily: ​ Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview Matthew I really enjoyed reading ​The Gleeman’s Tales​. The book is post-apocalyptic, but a gleeman makes the reader think of the past, what inspired you to merge the two?  

Matthew:  I really enjoy dystopic and post-apocalyptic fiction. I also love a more traditional fantasy. When it came time to planning out what would become my debut novels, I wanted to write what I haven’t seen a lot of – a blend of the two together. So often in post-apocalyptic fiction, the emphasis is on the future, of technological progression, of returning to where we (humans) were. But returning to the same level of technology that we have now after a world-breaking event would be nearly impossible, in my opinion. Everything from the power grid, municipal plumbing, the internet… these would all prove mighty hurdles for humans picking themselves up in the apocalypse. And that’s assuming that there is unity and cooperation. So I don’t think a widespread usage of, to use my own term, “first age” technologies, would be possible. 

As far as the bard aspect…this came from a serious lack of culture, merriment, and the lighter arts within (fantasy and post-apocalyptic fiction). Yes, there are serious exceptions. Patrick Rothfuss’s The Kingkiller Chronicle and Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel are books that heavily center around culture (in fantasy and the apocalypse, respectively). Mandel’s work, especially, I’ve been watching the popularity of with glee (her work is more closely tied to the premise of Gleeman’s Tales). Oh, boy, I’ve gone off on a tangent already.

Lily: ​ I'll have to check both of those out. I loved the way you blended the two ideas! Were Gnochi and Cleo based on anyone? 

Matthew:   I tend to believe that a writer puts a little of themselves into each of their characters, even if that piece is an antithesis. I think Gnochi was cast from the idea of what role I would play in a similar situation. If a setting like that, I’m not likely to be at a forge, or on the front lines of battle, but comfortably settled into a story, perched atop a bar before an entranced audience. Neither of the characters, though, were literally based off of another person or even a likeness. I tried not to write them with too many exact, definitive descriptions (like Oslow’s beard) so the reader has more freedom to imagine them as they will. 

Lily: ​ I agree that even if it's not intentional a little of the writer gets into their characters. I can definitely see some authors turning into gleeman if the world was turned upside down. What was the highlight of writing this? 

Matthew:   Coming to a natural end on the first draft (which I hand-wrote) was definitely a highlight of the process. In that moment, when only a select handful even knew about its existence, and without the stresses of marketing or publishing, I had achieved my dream to write a novel.

Lily: ​ ​That had to have been a great feeling! I like the idea of writing something by hand but I'm not sure I'd be able to read what I wrote afterwards. Without spoilers, what’s your favorite part? 

Matthew:   I really loved working Gnochi’s vignette stories into the central narrative. They were, after all, the skeleton of the idea before I had even outlined, so ensuring they had a contextual relevance was an enjoyable puzzle to parse out. Imagine crafting a rib cage out of a pile of loose bones. It required a little finesse, trial, and error, but ultimately became a viable structure that proved vital to the heart of the story.

Lily: ​ Now we’d like to talk about you as a writer. When did you first consider yourself a writer? 

Matthew:   I’d written some stories and attempted a book when I was in in middle school, but it wasn’t until high school when I first learned that my writing was enjoyable for others to read. In my 9th grade English class, we had an assignment to write an additional chapter onto the end of Lois Lowry’s The Giver. What I turned in was particularly gruesome. A little dark. But my teacher read it aloud at the end of class. He then spoke to me about my writing and encouraged me to continue writing.

Lily: ​ That's awesome! I'm glad your teacher encouraged you even though it was a bit dark. What is the most difficult part about writing for you? 

Matthew: Battling with my own procrastination. Even with a full time job, I have plenty of time to work on my writing, but forcing myself to write or edit is often the real struggle, even if the ideas are there.

Lily: ​ I can imagine it's hard to get into the mindset sometimes. Do you read your reviews? 

Matthew:     I’d love to get to a point where I have so many reviews, I cannot possibly read them all, but we’re not at that point yet. Maybe some of your readers can help me get closer to that point [laughs]. But, yeah, I do read my reviews, especially if they offer genuine critique. There is a difference between a troll one-star review, offering nothing concrete to justify the score, and a low-scoring review with solid criticisms.

Lily: ​ I hope we get you some more reviews I definitely loved reading it! When I do feel like I have to give below 3 stars I always try to offer constructive criticism. When I see a low rating I always check to see if the reviews are constructive or just "I didn't like it", tells me whether a book is worth picking up. (Although if you want to know a secret I don't check reviews before I decide if I want to read a book an author has approached me with). Let’s finish up with some fun questions and get inside your mind. ​What is your favorite word and why? 

Matthew:   I’m not sure if I have a favorite word, if that’s possible. There are some words that I appreciate for their value, despite not being used colloquially. I think a better question would be, what is my favorite pun, to which I would say all of them, especially when used intentionally. (I never apologize for my puns!)

Lily: ​ I secretly love puns, they're a great example of how amazing language and words are! Now for an important question, are you a morning person or a night owl? 

Matthew:   I work nights, but constantly am changing back and forth between day and night cycle, so I’m a little sparrow that’s tired all the time.

Lily: ​ I've always been a night owl but I have to change to a day schedule once or twice a week, so I understand switching and being tired. What’s the worst or best job you’ve had? 

Matthew:   I really have had enjoyable experiences with all my jobs (which is rare), but a standout for me were the two summers I was a park ranger. I got to spend all summer outside, but had a lot of free time to read and, more importantly, it was during these summers when I really developed the plot of Gleeman’s Tales and The Harbinger of Change. 

Lily:  That sounds like heaven in a job! How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?

Matthew:   I’m wondering if this question was targeted specifically because of Typhus. If not, is this the first time you’ve asked it to someone whose written an elephant into their book? I feel like elephants can be spooked quite easily. Get the right chicken underfoot and the elephant could fall and break a leg. That might be able to do one over. 

Lily:  The opportunity was there I had to take it hehe. You're not wrong though. Although I wonder who would be more startled. The chicken at being released under an elephant or the elephant at the chicken suddenly showing up. Would you rather your only mode of transportation be an elephant or a camel?​

Matthew:   Elephant, hands down. They live for a long time and have great memories, so you can really develop a lasting bond with your elephant.

Lily:  That's very true. How can readers discover more about you?

Matthew:   Check out any of the links below:

Website | Amazon Author Page | Goodreads Author Page

Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

To order a copy of Gleeman's Tales

Amazon US | Amazon UK

To order a copy of The Harbinger of Change

Amazon US | Amazon UK

If you're interested in a signed/doodled copy of either you can request one from this store (just give them a call, they will ship):

Bethany Beach Books

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2PBYqEE

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

Hi, Em! I am in dire need of help with my mbti type. I am 18, have been struggling w/ my type for 4 years. Think I am a Ji-Pe user, lean towards Ti, but that's probably because I like to think I am logical and not necessarily because it's true. But I do enjoy that stereotypical Ti nerd shit. I constantly procrastinate because I have a hard time motivating myself and am lazy. Have a hard time working in a "non-work environment". Rn I'm procrastinating 4 papers I had to do months ago (1/?)

I am also constantly late because I am a bad judge of time, underestimate the amount of time I take on certain tasks and the amount of time it takes me to get somewhere. I was also raised in a household where everyone is constantly late. I like learning new things, and can enjoy most subjects at school as long as the stuff is presented in an interesting manner. I also do well with short term stress and am very unfazed by stress and function well under it like in tests. But in longer term (2/?)

I become very demotivated. Hence procrastinating 4 papers from months ago + 3 new ones. When I am stressed I dissociate from it (am a 9w1 core sp/so) and ignore it, which is why I constantly appear to be completely calm and collected (most everyone hates me rn because if it). I also am bad at communicating about anything that's not working out because of it. I will not only ignore the work I am late on but also the relevant teacher for that work. I like listening to music a lot (3/?)

Especially if said music can fill my headspace and overwhelm me. I like technical rock music (art rock, jazz rock) but most of it is super chill. I like a lot of psychedelic rock. I love music that I myself couldn't play (I am learning to play the guitar). I also like masterful mixes. I also enjoy a lot of synth pop and organ sounds because they have this huge sound and are just so pleasant to listen to. I also like going on long walks and thinking. Can't really function without that. (4/?)

It clears my head and allows me to organize my thoughts. I can say that I have had a loose plan for the near future (coming 10 years) for the previous 3 years, I know what I want to study (theoretical physics) and have my contingency plan (music production/audio engineering). My interests don't really change often, and while I am not very good at working on them, I do have a focus. I am good at working within limitations, but not really when a widely defined task is given to me. (5/?)

When I am working on a project I try to narrow down my "playing field" first and then build on that. I don't tend to change my original base idea, but tweak stuff on top of it. I tend to follow instructions but loosely and usually my end product does end up looking different from the way it's supposed to. I will also try to work in a way that may be more challenging (why oh why do i do this to myself) but my own. I do hope this is helpful and if you can help this is christmas a week early (6/6)

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Hey! So, going through this it is hard to tell definitively from what you gave me but I can talk about what I do see and what could help:

I think Ti does make sense, though not from the nerdiness (that’s one item of advice: Ti and nerdiness are separate and people mistype themselves as Ti users because they’re nerds a lot). I think it fits well with the procrastination, analysis, and actually on working within limitations: in talking with Ti users I find a lot find limitations helpful in setting some kind of goal that forces a natural end solution if they actually want to complete something, and they enjoy the challenge of putting their spin or messing with those limitations.

I’m not set on Se vs. Ne, mostly because you have a lot of traits that fit both and then some that seem a little more Se, but some that seem a little more Ne with lower Si. So:

Procrastination: fits both Se and Ne well

Good under pressure: is a skill/depends on the kind of pressure but doesn’t fit into any specific MBTI type without further context

Raised in a house of people who were late/still does this: could be lower Si, could just be behavior you’d have otherwise.

Music: I liked the description but ultimately one’s response to music is kind of like one’s childhood in that once you’ve typed yourself you can look back sometimes and say “Oh, yeah, that makes sense” but it’s hard to type yourself from it.

Loose future plan: also kind of just a thing many people have. Ni users often have hyper-specific plans, but otherwise there are few people who genuinely live day-to-day with no broader general plan. Type comes in more when it comes to how good you are at actually sticking to it vs. changing it and how you go about it, and even then there’s a lot of complicating factors. It’s also especially hard to make a judgement at 18 about that plan.

The discussion of music and walking does make me think Se but not exclusively or definitively; I’d need to know more.

Similarly your studies both stereotypically fit into to areas (theoretical physics being more associated with intuition and music production more with sensing) but at your age I wanted to go into theoretical physics. A good question would be why you want to go into theoretic physics.

So: I think high Ti is the right call but Ne/Se are hard. I’ve recently posted about this but a couple things that might be helpful are: how do you learn? What about activities like music and walking attracts you to them?