#It's an addiction and I'm in need of an intervention I fear

[dirtytransmasc]

me 🤝 creating insanely unrealistic "what if?" situations, that put both Jon and Cat into precarious positions, in which Jon *needs* a mother and Cat has no choice but to fill that gap.

[mypoisonedvine]

PLEASE I HAVE A REQUEST:

Reader is deathly afraid of physical touch and she’s a student of Jonathan Crane’s. She begins to question whether or not exposure therapy is humane and decides to write a research paper against the idea of exposure therapy and Dr Crane plots against her and finds out her fear, inevitably forcing her to confront her fear with non/con(???)

I’m thinking totally brutal / slow burn and Jonathan is just a full psycho in this, not offering her any mercy. He Def does his research and Def traumatized reader

PLEASEEEEEEEEEE

(because this is just drabbles, I'm not going to be able to flesh this out the way you've envisioned, but I love the concept so I will do something based on it!) obviously this is dark, warnings for kidnapping and threats of noncon

haphephobia - the irrational fear or overwhelming aversion to physical touch.

You were far from the only psychopathology student who got into this line of work due to personal experience. Actually, more often than not, this interest begins for people with their own relationship with mental health-- maybe something as simple as a long battle with clinical depression, maybe trauma or abuse, maybe a history of addiction. You would hope that this made most of the students more equipped, more empathetic; that was true, but it also meant that there was a little more... instability among the cohort than you wanted to admit.

And yet, you hadn't even noticed that the worst of them all was right there in the front of the class, teaching.

"I read your paper," he explained, pacing back and forth, sparing long glances at you. "It was quite good. But your conclusions are weak."

Normally, if you'd been receiving this sort of feedback during office hours, you would just tilt your head and ask 'how so, Professor Crane?'

But considering you didn't even know where you were, strapped to an exam table in some dark basement, you weren't as inquisitive as usual. "See," he continued, approaching you, "if you want to disprove exposure therapy, you can't just do a systematic review of previous literature-- you need to get in the field, experiment yourself."

He lowered his voice as he stood closer to you, leaning over you, looking at you with a sort of fascination and pity.

"After all," he continued, "I'm a... fierce advocate of psychiatric experimentation."

"Yeah," you panted, the initial panic of waking up here fading into a general, steady terror, "I'm beginning to realize that."

"And you're always free to have your own opinion-- I think it's important that my students utilize their right to disagree with me-- but in this case, well, you just can't deny the results."

He was fucking smiling as he discussed it-- he was proud of what he'd done, of what he was going to do to you. "I can," you insisted, "if they're not ethical."

He rolled his eyes. "Always such a good girl," he cooed. "Let me worry about the ethics and you-- you can just worry about what I'm going to do now that I've got you tied up down here, where nobody will ever find you."

Bringing his hand closer to your face, you turned it away with a whimper. "Please," you whispered, "I-- you know I can't--"

"How does it feel?" he asked. "Right now, knowing I might touch you?"

"It's..." you trailed off, struggling to find a train of thought with him so close. "It's anxiety-inducing, obviously. It's dread."

"Filled with dread just because I'm getting close," he smirked. "You're in serious need of intervention, sweet thing. I can't believe you've gone without help for so long."

"This-- this isn't help, Professor--" you began to protest, but you winced as he gently brushed a finger over your cheek.

"You look like you're in pain," he noticed.

"It hurts," you hissed. "It hurts to be touched."

"Hurts how?"

"Like... like I'm raw all over. Like my body is one big burn," you whispered, eyes still shut tight as his hand moved down to gently caress your neck.

"And you've ruled out any medical cause-- an autoimmune disorder, hypersensitivity of the skin?"

You nodded, biting your lip to try to think of something other than the pain he was inflicting-- the pain you were totally helpless to. "There's no... physiological cause..."

"It's all in the mind," he finished for you, "and what a powerful mind you have. You're one of my best students, you know-- it's a shame you're limited by your fear. Fear of the truth, fear of breaking your precious ethics... fear of the future."

Your eyes shot open when his touch trailed down even further, toying with the neckline of your shirt; if any human contact was painful, you hadn't even prepared for the overwhelming anxiety of being touched in a way that had even the slightest sexual undertone. "Y-you don't really think you're that powerful, do you?" you pressed. "That you can take away fear?"

He shook his head. "No, dear, I don't have to," he replied. "I don't take it away-- I use it."

Just as his touch wandered, so did his gaze, and you shuddered under his dark stare as he started to properly grope you; his breathing picked up a bit, his lip twitched-- he even darted his tongue out for a second before smiling again.

"And now," he grinned, "I have you to use, too."

[kalki-tarot]

Guidance from the universe you need right now. 🪷

Timeless pick a pile reading. ✨️

Disclaimer : tarot is not 100% accurate. This reading is just of entertainment purposes. I'm not responsible for any decision(s) you make on behalf of my readings. Your life is in your own hands. Tarot is just a tool for guidance and doesn't replace medical or professional treatment. It's not set in stone, you are the creator of your own destiny.

Reading will be specific so take what resonates and leave the rest ✨️

Pile 1

If you are feeling stuck or stagnant, go meet your friends. Get out of your house and try to have new experiences.

Your life would be in this unstable and juggling energy until you make a strong decision. Leave behind your indecisiveness and be practical.

Let go of control, be like a river, flowing freely and accepting whatever comes it's way, good or bad. This is how life works. You fears are self imposed. They don't exist in reality, break the wall you surround yourself with.

Don't worry about losing anything. You're going to be blessed with abundance and clarity soon. You're delaying and blocking your own happiness by doing so.

Divine wants to play their role in your life. Let divine intervention take place, be receptive emotionally. That ultimate wish of yours will get fulfilled. You're gonna meet someone new. You'll have an emotional connection with them, most probably a romantic connection.

For some of you, your divine union is about to take place. You'll meet your divine counterpart. Cycles have ended. Libra sign may be significant. This union will bring balance into your life. Everything will feel at their right place. Trust divine timing. Your life will be just like you've imagined.

Please leave feedback in the comments 🙏🏽

Pile 2

Someone in your friend group or workplace is probably lying to you. Beware of them and don't believe their lies, don't get manipulated by them.

Many new opportunities are coming your way, overseas travel and new job opportunities may be significant.

Universe is telling you that your hardwork will pay off. You'll reap the fruits of your hard work soon.

A female can mess up your love relationship. This female can be a clingy water sign who needs constant reassurance from people. You need not focus on her. Just focus on your relationship and don't let her get into this. They can appear sweet and caring from outside but they are heartbroken and wants to ruin things.

If you're looking for a job, or if you're facing unstablity in career then things will start to get into proper alignment. Just do your work without thinking of the results.

Things are about to change! You are expanding yourself through study, business enterprise or travel. The energy is that You are becoming more aware of the opportunities that surround you. So grab them on time! It's a great chance for you.

Please leave feedback in the comments 🙏🏽

Pile 3

It'll end. The situation that you're going through will end. It's over, you've had enough. Now peace and prosperity will come into your life. All the things you've given to others will come back to you. Your inner conflict will come to peace. Things are calming down for you. Some of you may get anxious thinking about these things. But trust me, now things are changing.

If someone robbed you or took away your money, karma is working in your favour. They'll get punished for what they did.

I see a traditional couple here. Some of you could be married or into a relationship. If yes, then I see a negative energy affecting your relationship. Can be a third party, addiction or toxic personality etc. That will affect this.

The message is clear, if things get out of hands, move forward. That is human nature, to change. Those who stay stuck eventually experience the consequences of not adapting. You have a lot of new options in love. Look around.

There can be a masculine energy near you who wants things to turn out great romantically with you. They can be an influential and strong individual. They can be from your childhood or a place from childhood.

Don't forget your power. You are really powerful and self sufficient. You can earn bread and money for yourself. You are highly intuitive and wise. Use your gifts, pile 3. You are blessed from the universe. You can be an empath or someone who reads other's emotions perfectly. You are a star. Don't forget that!

Please leave feedback in the comments 🙏🏽

[fangirleaconmigo]

I'm rewatching Breaking Bad, and GATDAMN it is so thrilling to see all the little things that I missed the first time that in retrospect, make sooo much sense.

And it's so funny that of the three main male characters:

A little blonde drug dealer with cheesecake porn laying around

A macho law enforcement officer who says things like 'her ass is like an onion, it makes me want to cry'

A mild mannered, soft spoken chemistry teacher who wears khakis and drives a family car

Out of those three, only ONE of them has this deeply deeply internalized toxic masculinity that is slowly poisoning the narrative, and will destroy a family and level a small American desert city, and it's not the one you think.

I mean, Jesse just wants to be in a family. When he goes to his parents, it isn't because he's homeless! He owns a home! He just needed to feel safe and like he belonged somewhere. And yeah he's a little hoodlum who sells drugs, but he only wants to make enough money for his funions and oversized shirts and porn. He just wants love and snacks and to touch some boobies now and again. WHOMST AMONG US.

And Hank, well, the first time I watched it I hated him but now I can see how yes, he's macho, but he does respect his family and he respects/stays out of women's business. I mean, he does the family intervention, he helps at every turn, he tries to protect Walt from feeling like less of a man by making them all hide that Walt Jr got into trouble. He is more performing toxic masculinity than he is ACTUALLY toxic. When the rubber hits the road, his masculinity is very helpful and protective and respectful.

And then you've got Walt, seething and ready to explode because someone offered him a job and money, because he's being asked to be accountable emotionally to his family, because he is being asked to eat leaner meat so that he doesn't die of heart failure, I mean he is SEETHING, because he has quietly wished he could be macho and badass and he sees the guy in the sportscar and yeah, the guy's a dick, but Walt is resentful that HE's never been allowed to think only of himself and he wants to teach everyone a lesson, he wants to be feared, and the rush he gets, the screaming he does in the car when he gets one over on Tuco, THAT was his meth. That's what he got addicted to.

It's so much fun putting this all together the second time. I very much recommend a second watch of Breaking Bad if you haven't.

WOOOO excellent writing. I love it.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #98

Therapy today was rather enlightening.

Up until now, one of the notions that I used to carry was that "sometimes having your back up against a wall is good medicine, because, properly wielded, it forces you to get out of your own damn way."

…So, practically speaking, for example, if you're normally a meek person who doesn't wanna hurt people and cowers in the face of a threat, then being in a dangerous situation can bring out a certain, "clock them over the fucking head with a blunt, heavy object" out of you that you previously didn't know you had (long story; not gonna get into it, but nobody died or was seriously hurt, so don't worry).

To my knowledge up until this point, being in a "do or die" type of situation can give a person the "oomph" they need to do whatever it takes to get out of their own damn way, to change a longstanding behavioral pattern, or to let go of things that are destroying them. And in one way or another, I've been in situations where I've used this framework to do all sorts of things that I thought were impossible previously - for example, finally cutting ties with an abusive relationship with someone named S, the thing with the blunt object in the previous paragraph, and… perhaps this won't seem like a big deal, but… going to therapy. All of these things were things that I was terrified of doing for one reason or another, but failure to do all these things would result in CONSEQUENCES, so then you do them, and then you realize that you're strong enough to do difficult, terrifying things, and then those things become less difficult and terrifying.

And ya know? I lived most of my life either being in situations that felt like "do-or-die", or watching others be in situations that felt like "do-or-die", and until today, I guess I simply took it at face value as though it is the fundamental way of things, without so much as a second thought - you want an excuse to get over your own destructive shit really fast? Then get into a situation where there's no other viable choice. Or so I thought.

But today, my therapist pointed out that no one should ever have to be put in a "do-or-die" situation in the first place. And that notion motivated me to take pause; it was unfamiliar, so I listened.

He cited people who are self-medicating with various substances as an example. Addiction is borne from trauma, not from moral failure. So the person using substances is, in the absence of other resources that feel safe, doing what they can to drown out the horrors in their head long enough to make their existence feel less painful, at least temporarily. Unfortunately, a lot of the behaviors associated with self-medication end up hurting both the person doing it and the people around them, and so interventions are sometimes held, where the person is COMPELLED to do the thing, and… in my therapist's experience, this is usually less helpful than simply being all like…

"Hey, cool, you wanna go self-medicate like that - it's allowed. But I don't feel safe around you when you do that, and I don't like the things you end up doing to me in service to continuing to do that, and so I will protect myself by creating distance between myself and you." …And that's a LOT different from "go get help or else." The first thing in quotes gives the person a choice. The second is a rejection and a threat. Rejection is disempowering, and people ALWAYS do better with choices than with threats.

There's a situation in my social circle right now in which my initial assessment of what must be done in order for everyone to be safe was somewhat callous - reflective of the harsh, fear-based lens of the old life that I lived. "Perhaps the potential of ending up [insert unpleasant situation here] will prompt them to re-evaluate their priorities," (essentially, "do-or-die") as a concept, is not reflective of the kind of person I want to be. So I'm going to have to reevaluate my thinking and choose a more loving alternative - one closer to, "You can [very unsafe behaviors], but you will then have to find somewhere else to live because [very unsafe behaviors] are not conducive to my safety or wellbeing, and I must protect myself. If you must continue [very unsafe behaviors], then perhaps you can find a space to [very unsafe behaviors] elsewhere."

…The distinction between these things still feels subtle to me, but I can see how they are not the same, even if I'm still struggling to articulate how they differ. But that's merely a function of everything being very black-and-white within the old life I used to live; if I want to be able to lovingly move through this world, I have to be able to learn how to distinguish between more shades of grey. The prospect is both exciting and terrifying! I'll get better at it the more I practice.

The folks involved do not live in my house, but they do live in the house of a person who is close to me, and this person who is close to me is having a very hard time from it all. I do hope the situation can resolve amicably soon. I'll keep doing my best to be a source of support.

There's still so much that I don't know; I've gotta try a little harder, do a little better, and so… the temptation from my old life is to think that these things mean I am a bad person. But I think I will try to choose an interpretation closer to, "I am still learning and growing, and this means that I am alive." Not knowing everything means that I will never have any shortage of things to learn and do!

In any case. I am tired and cold, so I fixed myself up a big ol' glass of warm milk; it's a great way to chase both the chill from one's bones, and the restlessness from one's mind. I can't give you a glass, but I can share a picture. It's not fancy, but… here:

…I have finished this glass, and the restlessness is gone, but the chill is still in my bones. So I think I'm going to soak in a hot shower, and then go to sleep.

I will keep working on becoming a kinder and more loving person. I'll hope with everything in me that you will work on doing the same - both for yourself and for the people around you. You deserve your own love - regardless of how you came into being and regardless of the mistakes you've made before. Treat yourself like someone who is worthwhile so that you don't end up going for a number of consecutive days without food, water, or sleep ever again, because stuff like that is VERY UNSAFE BEHAVIOR.

I love you and I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[ossidae-passeridae]

What is your opinion on 20?

Question from here

20. Could anyone have fixed Anakin?

I keep reading this one as "could you have fixed Anakin" and it repeatedly trips me up. No! I could not! He is a fictional character, and people keep telling me I'm made of meat!

On to actually answering the question though — from a "this man is doomed by the narrative" perspective, no, nobody could have fixed him. His role was to fall, it was inevitable, no intervention could have stopped it from occurring. His course was set before he was even born and nothing could slow nor stop his descent.

To be a bit more Watsonian, yes, Anakin could have fixed Anakin. At any point during his descent to Vader, he could have decided that was enough, he no longer wished to live in fear and in the shadows, and told Obi-Wan the truth (about Padme, about the Tuskens).

He could have reached for the help he needed, not the empty validation he chose. He could have unwound all of it, because Obi-Wan, we know, is very much attached to Anakin and would have done anything necessary to help him redeem himself.

But instead Anakin chose to dig himself deeper and deeper, and paid the price.

tl;dr: yes, Anakin. Like with any addiction, you can't help people who don't want to help themselves.

(All opinions expressed above are solely those of pass e. ridae and do not express the views or opinions of any affiliates or associates, passerine or otherwise)

[uncloseted]

what do you think of wanting to be a psychologist vs a therapist vs a psychiatrist? what are your thoughts on responding to people who believe that the industry is evil and just interested in pumping drugs into children that mental hospitals are terrible and that psychology is generally a wrong career choice since it's oversaturated and isn't real, I'm dealing with a lot of general fear about my choice along with the worries about time spent in school and the workload of either

I think it really depends on what kinds of patients you want to treat and what types of issues you're interested in. In the US, we treat therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists like they're all the same thing, but (at least in the US) they're supposed to be distinct jobs with distinct types of training:

Social worker/LCSW/MSW: social workers are trained to help individuals, families, and groups meet their basic needs in order to improve their overall health and well-being. Social workers aren't trained as therapists, and I think it's a problem that we let them practice as if they are. Rather, social workers specialize in understanding the social contexts that affect mental health, including how policy, law, and social realities affect mental health. My opinion is that social workers do best when they're offering case management and support services, crisis intervention, and care coordination.

Marriage and Family Therapist/LMFT: This is a Master's level degree that is supposed to be focused on helping people improve their interpersonal relationships- for example, with family, friends, or a romantic partner. If you're a client who is interested in doing couple's counseling or family therapy, for example, this is the type of person you would want. LMFTs aren't really trained to deal with clinical issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, PTSD, etc., even though a lot of them will claim that they are. If you're interested in helping people process things like divorce, addiction, family problems, and difficulty socializing, this may be a good option for you.

Psychologist/PsyD: These are PhD level professionals in clinical psychology who focus on non-pharmaceutical approahces. They are trained in the treatment of clinical issues, and will usually have a specialty that they did their dissertation on. They can treat issues like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and PTSD. If you're interested in clinical issues but don't want to go to medical school, this might be a good option for you.

Psychiatrist: Psychiatrists are medical doctors. They have to go to medical school and complete a residency in psychiatry before becoming qualified to practice. They are focused on pharmaceutical interventions for mental health issues- helping their patients find the right medication(s) for them so that their clinical issues are no longer impacting their quality of life. If you're interested in neurochemistry and medicine, this may be a good option for you.

In terms of other fears, here's what I think. The field of mental health isn't perfect. There certainly are some children who are overmedicated and people who get incorrect diagnoses and mental health hospitals that are very bad. But I think that means we need to get good people into the field who will act responsibly and with their patient's needs in mind, and who will advocate for their patients to have the best care possible. It doesn't mean that we should abandon the field altogether or that people should stop practicing. Part of the problem we're having now is that they aren't enough high-quality mental health professionals, and especially not enough high-quality mental health professionals that are affordable. The more good people who become mental health professionals, the better the field will become, and the less people will have these perceptions of it.

[catsnuggler]

It's strange how I'm strong in some ways, but weak in others.

I generally avoid substances, and those I take, I take in controlled doses. I'm not an alcoholic, I have drinks on occasion - maybe 3 in a single night, at the very most, but usually only 1 or 2 drinks a night when I have drinks, which is maybe a few days out of an entire month. And these are light drinks, usually, like beer, or hard lemonade. I usually have food beforehand, too.

I used to be on Adderall. The highest dose, actually, eventually. I took it as prescribed, and no more. I decided to stop, partially because production was getting fucked, anyway, but also because it was keeping me up at night by raising my body temperature absurdly, making me sweat; yet I couldn't sleep if I didn't have a blanket, still can't, because my body wants some kind of comfort around it, something soft to make me feel "safe" enough to sleep. Adderall, as y'all might know, is chemically very similar to methamphetamine. In fact, anyone who's ever had meth can't take Adderall, because it drives them right back to addiction. So, the fact I just walked away from Adderall, no intervention, just out of my own free will, says I'm pretty resistant to substance abuse. Not totally, of course - there's surely something out there that would hook me if I took it, which is why I don't go out looking for anything to do - but I'm generally pretty resistant.

Despite what pot users say about it being non-addictive, it sometimes is. It's far from the worst drug - it's often pretty great - and it's certainly one of the least addictive. But it can be. No hate, just saying is all. I've had it less than 10 times in my life. Wouldn't mind using it occasionally, if I had or was getting into a job that wouldn't disqualify me if I had the occasional pot, but since so many do, I figure it's a risk I'd rather not take.

I've smoked before. Once. The only reason was that I was out drinking with someone close to me, and she had gotten plastered, and some guy started putting the moves on her. I asked if I could go out with them to smoke, even though I wasn't and am not a smoker, only because I wanted to keep my eyes on those two, and make sure she wasn't going to get swindled or anything by the guy. So, the cigarette was passed around, I took a puff, I passed it on, but after that night (where she wasn't messed with, but gosh was she sick from drinking too much), I never smoked a cigarette again. I didn't smoke even a single full cigarette that night, and I haven't put one in my lips since.

So. Substance-wise, I'm resilient. I say no, or I partake of a select few occasionally, and carefully.

That said, I often succumb to hopelessness, to anxiety, and to feeling like my very existence is "in the way" of others. I often get in my father's physical way in his house. Given he's fat (not hating, just stating), that isn't hard. He has a lot of struggles with his own body, and I feel for him, I really do - but when I happen to get in his way, he gets so fucking mad, you wouldn't even believe. He'll sometimes tell me I'm useless, ask what I'm good for - fuck, it's awful. I also feel I'm in the way on a societal level. I'm not rich, but I'm a white guy. I haven't had very much luck getting jobs, honestly, but I was afraid years ago, when I first started looking in 2018, that I might get a job because I'm a white guy, that I didn't immediately need, while some mother of color might need the income a lot more. I felt guilty when I briefly had a job in 2018, which stacked on top of my other job anxieties and frustrations. I still, even as I live with an unemployed father who depends on his inheritance, even as we would be homeless without that inheritance, even as we both need to get jobs ASAP so we won't be fucked when his inheritance runs out - I still fear that I might get a job that someone more disadvantaged than me needs more. That, even as a poor person who needs to secure some kind of income to maintain my existence, I would be maintaining injustice, by prioritizing the life of a white, able-bodied colonizer man (myself) over someone else. Sure, it's the colonial capitalists that are running things, I don't have power over the system as an individual, but... I dunno, I just feel like my very existence is in the way of others.

I also fear that I'll let my partner down. Their biological father, that scum of a human being, is a blue-eyed white with light brown hair. I'm a blue-eyed white man with light brown hair. Their maternal line has a long history of tragedy regarding how the men treated the women, as well as a history of being colonized - though by the Mexican government, incidentally, not the American government.

After every breakup, there's been some point, after being totally rejected, told we won't talk ever again, where I've hyperventilated to the point I nearly lost consciousness. That's also happened to me on at least one occasion when my father was saying something to me, I forget what it was, but it was something incredibly emotionally distressing to me, I think it was something alone the lines of him completely and utterly rejecting some group of people I care about, going on some tirade about them. Or maybe he was going directly after me and who I am. I don't know, I don't remember, I only remember that hewas only infuriated when I begged him to let me lay on the ground and stop yelling at me until I caught my breath, because I really was becoming lightheaded, starting to lose consciousness, yet he refused me, thought I was putting on an act, which was why he was so enraged by how lightheaded I was acting...because I was genuinely lightheaded.

There are so many things I don't know what to do anything about. At least I'm resistant to substance abuse, I guess.

[jcssepinkman]

SEASON THREE.

Jesse emerges from rehab changed by Jane Margolis's death. "I'm the bad guy," he tells Walt, who has quite a different self-image: "I am not a criminal," Walt tells Gustavo Fring, declining the businessman's offer of $3 million to cook meth for three months.

Using help from Saul Goodman, Jesse manages to buy his house back from his parents, who paid several hundred thousand dollars to reform the house. Upon learning that Jesse is cooking on his own, Gus purchases meth from Jesse and gives half the money to Walt to compel him back into the business. When Walt resurfaces to return the money, Gus unveils a state-of-the-art superlab he's constructed beneath an industrial laundromat.

Walt's brother-in-law, Hank manages to track down the RV and calls Walt to ask if Jesse had an RV. Walt arranges to have the vehicle demolished at a junkyard. Badger tips off Jesse, who races to stop Walt, and, unbeknownst to him, Hank follows. While Walt and Jesse huddle inside the RV, Saul's secretary, impersonating a police officer, tells Hank that Marie (Hank's wife) has been in an accident. Hank leaves the junkyard, and by time he realizes he's been fooled, the RV is destroyed. 

Hank, infuriated by the fact that Jesse supposedly knows who his wife is, brutally attacks Jesse in retaliation and gets suspended from the DEA. In the hospital, Jesse plots legal action against Hank. To placate Jesse, Walt convinces Gus to fire Gale (an assistant Walt was temporarily cooking with) and hire Jesse instead.

Walt requests a meeting with Gus and leaves with a $15 million meth production deal and a guarantee of his family's safety.

Walt's negotiations coincide with Jesse's increasing dissatisfaction with Gus's operation. Yearning to return to his "outlaw" days, Jesse skims excess meth at the superlab. Badger and Skinny Pete attend Jesse's NA sessions, where they hype the "blue stuff" as a sales tactic. Jesse hypes Blue Sky to a recovering addict named Andrea (who he later becomes romantically involved with) and discovers that two rival dealers directed her pre-teen brother to kill Jesse's friend, Combo.

Jesse wants to poison the dealers to avenge Combo, but him and Walt discover that the dealers actually work for Gus. Jesse wants to kill them anyway, despite Walt's warnings.

Mike (who is Gus' head of security and a hitman) visits Walt and explains how Jesse is compromising the operation and warns Walt that if anything goes south, he is not going to hesitate in "taking a full measure." Walt, fearing for Jesse's life, tips off Gus who forces Jesse to make peace on the condition the dealers no longer use children in their operation.

Later that evening, police discover the murdered body of Andrea's brother. Jesse drives to the rival dealers' corner. Just as Jesse and the dealers draw their guns, Walt runs over the dealers with his car. One dies on impact and Walt shoots the other dead. Walt tells Jesse to run.

Walt's intervention infuriates Gus, who reinstates Gale as Walt's assistant while he hunts down Jesse. Walt meets secretly with Jesse to explain his suspicion that Gus plans to kill them once Gale learns to cook Blue Sky. Walt reasons that he has leverage only if he alone can produce their special formula. They must kill Gale. "I can't do it, Mr. White," says Jesse, not wishing to kill an innocent person.

Walt agrees to kill Gale himself, but before he can act, Mike escorts him to the superlab for an execution. Appearing desperate, Walt offers to give Jesse up, but says he travels around, so he'll need to call him. "They've got me at the laundry, and they're going to kill me," Walt tells Jesse over the phone. "Do it now!" Mike draws his guns. "You might want to hold off," Walt says defiantly. "Your boss is going to need me."

Jesse arrives at Gale's apartment and draws his gun. "You don't have to do this," Gale pleads. Jesse, his eyes tearing, pulls the trigger.

[cvsmixnaya]

fuck annie leonheart

pairings: mikasa ackerman x reader

pronouns: she/her

summary: y/n finds out her best friend annie is fucking her ex boyfriend eren. after shit goes down, mikasa comforts her girlfriend.

cw: swearing. a lot of swearing and a bit of yelling.

a/n: this is a euphoria au, also SEASON 2 SPOILERS!!! plz don’t read if you haven’t seen this episode yet also i'm gonna use rue in this cause idk who to think of- im sorry

"You don't have to." Everyone hears Annie's voice and turns their heads to her. "Just, take it one day at a time." She nods happily and turns to her best friend, Y/n and she just smiles fakely.

Recently, Annie has been acting a bit weird and Y/n noticed it. As if, she was hiding something. She told her girlfriend, Mikasa about this and did her best to keep an eye on Annie.

"Hey Anns?" Rue calls out for her

"Yeah?" She answers with a small smile on her face. "How long have you been fucking Eren Yeager?"

Everyone gasps softly and Mikasa looks at Y/n and sees hurt and betrayal in her eyes. Annie's smile drops as she chuckles nervously.

"w-what are you talking about?" The fear was visible in her eyes and voice.

"How long have you been fucking Eren?" Rue repeats herself.

"I'm not...I'm not." Annie trys to defend herself but it's very clear she's lying. "What are you talking about?" Y/n asks Rue tilting her head in confusion.

Did her best friend really fuck her ex behind her back. "Oh, I just saw her get in his truck and kiss him and drive off that was like what? like a month ago?" Rue says as Annie struggles to find words to speak.

"Anns, that's like really bad." Ymir said.

"Annie what the fuck?" Mikasa says in shock and disbelief.

"You’re fucking Eren, are you kidding me?" Y/n said.

“No! I don’t even know why she would say that!” Annie said motioning towards Rue. “You’re lying. And I know when you’re lying Annie so don’t even try.”

“Can we just table this conversation?” Rue’s mother asked and Y/n immediately shot back

“N-no no you expect me to stand here next to my best friend who’s been lying to me about fucking my ex boyfriend? I’m literally gonna get violent!” Y/n says trying her best to keep her shit together and not beat Annie’s ass.

“No there is no need to get violent ok because we are having an intervention. Stop it!”

Mikasa and Ymir try their best to calm Y/n down but she gets angrier as she looks to see Annie crying.

“Oh you’re crying?! You’re fucking crying?!” Y/n shouts as she makes her way towards Annie. The other two try to stop her but it was too late.

“You fucking bitch, you’re the one whose hurt? You’re the most self-centered idiotic person I’ve ever fucking met. You fuck my ex, and you’re fucking crying?! Are you fucking kidding me!?” She says putting her finger in her face.

Y/n restrains herself from literally punching Annie in the face right now cause she feels so betrayed. Mikasa tries her best to calm her down.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but I don’t give a shit whose fucking who ok. If you’re gonna keep talking about it, get out of the room.” Rue’s mom yells from the stairs.

The whole room was noisy with the arguing.

“I don’t even know why you’re believing her, she’s a drug addict!” Annie said making Y/n scoff.

“How long have you been fucking him be honest.” Y/n asks her firmly. “Y/n lets just do it later.” Ymir tries to stop the situation but fails.

“Ymir shut the fuck up! How long have you been fucking him?” She waves Ymir off and repeated herself to Annie.

She doesn’t respond so Y/n turned to Rue.

“Rue. When was this?” She asked her while pointing fingers at Annie.

“Right after new years….” Rue truthfully answers and this triggered Y/n’s anger even more.

“You dumb fucking bitch, I’m gonna fuck you up!” Y/n said as Annie ran and she chases her upstairs. Mikasa and Ymir follow behind her.

Once they reach upstairs, Annie slams the door shut and Y/n keeps banging on the door while screaming at Annie. Mikasa pulls you away.

“N/n, N/n you need to calm down right now. Take a deep breath. I know you’re mad right now but we can beat Annie another day, but I need you to calm down.”

Finally Y/n took a deep breath and relaxed herself. Tears were falling off her eyes. She gave her girlfriend a hug. It was soft and sweet.

“Come on, let’s go home. You don’t need to waste your breath on her.” Mikasa says and takes Y/n to the car.

The ride home was quiet, small sniffles came from Y/n but didn’t say anything. The couple reached home and as soon as they entered, Y/n broke down into sobs.

“How could she? A-after everything we’ve through, she went behind my fucking back and fucked my ex. My fucking ex” She said through her sobs.

“I’m so sorry baby, is there anything I can do to help?” Mikasa asks her as she puts her hand around her shoulder.

“No, Just hold me please. That’s all I need right now. I don’t give a shit about anything else.” She said softly.

Mikasa listens to her and pulls her in. They get comfortable on the bed and hold each other quietly.

“Thanks for being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Y/n said chuckling a bit. “I’ll always be there for you babe, no matter what happen.” She replies giving her a kiss on the lips.

"Y/n listen, fuck Annie Leonheart. You don’t deserve a friend like her."

"Yeah, you're right, fuck Annie Leonheart." Y/n replies giving a small smile.

They later fell asleep cuddling each other and Mikasa made a promise to herself to always make sure that you’re happy and never have to go through something like this again.

[dawndelion-winery]

I've been craving plums lately <3 I think it's withdrawal from childe. he travels so much I'm feeling touch starved

Withdrawal implies addiction, comrade. Do I need to call for an intervention? Anyways, unsent letters it is<3

Hey comrade,

It's been...well it's been longer than awhile. I know I promised to be home by

I miss you. Lots. Every night I look at the stars and wonder if it's the same scene you see back at home.

You were right, I should've taken you with me. I've all but forgotten how it feels to hold you, but I'm selfish. I'm selfishly afraid I can't deal with you getting hurt even though you feel the same fear for me.

Have you forgotten me yet? It might hurt less for you if you didn't keep waiting, but a part of me is glad that it's me you're waiting for.

I hope you're doing well. I haven't seen you in a long while. But don't worry! I'm almost done with everything important, so I'll be back before the holidays. I can't say much right now, but I'm bringing a surprise for you! (and my siblings, of course!)

Yours always,

Ajax

Taglist[send an ask to be added]: @myluvkeiji @pluvioseprince @altair-ation @teyvattherapist @euphoric-author @paradise-creator @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @serenenation @loverofthe-stars @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisat0 @yuzuricebun @chaosinanutshell @howlantic @codename-hiraeth @andreiling01

[bookofmirth]

Hello Lele. Hope you're having a good day. I just wanted to ask what's your opinion on Feyre sending Nesta to the house of wind. I have seen people say that it's the same as Tam tam locking Feyre and while I don't agree with it I would love to know what you think

Yeah that's not the same. Not at all.

I can see why people think this, because sjm did not follow through on the self-destructive behavior that she had set Nesta up with in acofas. If she had, if we had seen Nesta go through withdrawal from alcohol or seen her craving more or dealing with that addiction, then I think it would be much easier for readers to understand that yes, going to the House of Wind was actually necessary for Nesta's sake.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that sjm equated Nesta's use of sex, and alcohol, and music alskdhjaklsjdklajsdkasd Fucking hell, NO. One of these things is not like the other and I cannot deal with the fact that someone let her write Nesta's behavior as if laying on the floor of her room and listening to some albums or dancing in the club was the equivalent of regularly drinking to oblivion. Just fucking no. It's been over a year and I'm still so annoyed that I can't fully articulate my thoughts on this.

With that said - I still don't think that these scenarios are the same because:

Nesta was not communicative. She cut her family off and was cruel when they tried to talk with her. She left them no choice but to force her into that conversation.

Nesta had a choice. She could have changed her behavior for the year or more that she was self-destructing. She should have changed her behavior, but instead Feyre and the IC enabled her. This is something I think the IC got wrong, enabling Nesta for so long.

Ostensibly, Nesta was taken out of one situation and put into another because her behavior was (supposedly) self-destructive. Whether she was actually self-destructive is another question based on what I said above, but the fact remains that Nesta was doing things that could have potentially harmed her.

And then in Feyre's situation:

Being in a romantic relationship puts different expectations on Feyre and Tamlin, than Feyre and Nesta had. Feyre was, for all intents and purposes, the Mom of the Archeron family and had that responsibility for years. Tamlin and Feyre were supposed to be partners, equals.

Feyre was openly communicative with Tamlin and told him what she needed. There was no reason for her to be distrusted or for her needs to be disregarded.

Feyre literally did not have a choice, she was physically locked in that house.

Tamlin locked Feyre in his house because of his own fear - it was not actually for Feyre's own good, it was 100% about Tamlin's need for control.

So yeah, if you look at the two situations, I can see how people might see both as:

I am doing this for your own good

BUT, in Feyre's case that was not true, she has all the High Lord's powers, she defeated Amarantha, she just wanted to be able to protect herself. Being locked in the Spring Court manor was in order to allay Tamlin's fears, not to actually protect Feyre.

Where with Nesta, there was actually potential harm to Nesta if they didn't step in. When they said "we are doing this for your own good", it was actually true in Nesta's case.

Again, if sjm had actually followed fucking through and shown the impact of alcoholism and substance abuse and we had seen the impact of those poor decisions on Nesta's wellbeing, then it would make much, much more sense how those two scenarios are different. Then it would be much easier for readers to understand why an intervention was necessary. I'm still annoyed as hell about how that was handled. But the intention between why Feyre and the IC did what they did, and why Tamlin did what he did, it's night and day. And I don't know how people don't see that, unless they try to argue that Nesta was doing just fine and dandy through the whole series and didn't need any sort of healing or help at all and it was totally fine for her to act the way she was.

[raven-black102]

Asking For Help

Requested by @rororo06 do a Peter parker x stark!reader where the reader ends up doing drugs and stuff and Peter and Tony and the rest of the avengers stage an intervention.

I've never experience drug myself so if for some reason I offended people please forgive me.

Warning: Drug use, depression, Cursing, and death

(Y/n)'s POV

Never in my life did I though I would go through this direction. Doing drug and smoking weed and pot. But then when the people you care the most start putting their life on the line you tend to change. It was hard enough that I could lose my father to anything now I also have to worry about my friends and my boyfriend.

It was too much for me. I ended up getting depressed and messed up in the head as months go by. They never seem to notice. Not my dad or my boyfriend, but my friends outside of the avenger did. But then everything got worst at the day when I lost someone I looked up to. I manage to hack F.R.I.D.A.Y. and got her to stay quiet about my drug use.

"Baby? You okay?" I heard Peter called causing me to blink a few time before looking at him. "Sorry what?" I asked with a small frown causing him to look at me in worry. "I was wondering if your hungry. You look like you haven't eat for days." He said causing my fingures to twitch as I rolled my eyes at him. "Since when do you care?" I mumbled getting up as I heard the door open.

"I always care." Peter said as I walk to the living an put on my shoes. "Ha, seems you don't fucking show it." I snarled as I saw my dad walk in. "What's going on?" Tony asked as I rolled my eyes again and grab my bag. "None of you damn business!" I growled going to the stair and going down. "(Y/n)! Get back here!" Tony yelled as I continued to descend from the stair ignoring him. "Don't you have scummy people to fucking save. Go do that and fucking ignore me like you always do Stark." I yelled as I heard only my own footsteps going down.

Once I made it to the first floor I quickly left the tower went to and underground subway. Once I know the coast is clear I quickly text my friend then throw away my phone. I pulled up my hoodie as I walked toward a Cemetery were my friend was buried. It was quiet as I pulled out a joint an lit it.

"I miss you Ray." I mumbled as I read the head stone. 'Ray Samantha Blake' born 2010 died 2017. She was only 7 years old and was helping me with my addiction tell she died. I can just imagine how disappointed she is of me right now. "I know I fuck up. God I wish I didn't have to go through this shit. But with you gone and everyone just putting their life on the line. I can't help but just worry and feel fucking scared that one day one or all of them won't come home." I said as I throw away the joint that just wasted.

"You smoke that thing?" I heard my friend asked causing me to sigh as I was looking at Ray stone. "No. I can't really bring myself to do so in front of her." I said softly as I felt him sat down next to me. "I know how much you hate asking for help." He started causing me to chuckle softly. "But I need it." I said softly causing him to smile at me.

"If you want. I can let you stay with me. Watch over the kids since I know rehab isn't gonna help you." He said causing me to grin at him. "Your just saying that so you and your wife can have another kid." I said causing him to blush. "No..." He trailed off as he helped me up. "I probably have to go home. Fuck I can't believe I talk like that to my dad and Peter." I mumbled causing my friend to smile sadly.

"It wasn't you (Y/n). Thats what drugs do to a person." He said as we left the cemetery and got into his car. "I can just imagine they might stage an intervention." I said as he buckled my seat belt and got into the driver seat. "I got you some ibuprofen for your headache." He said as I whine holding my head.

"Thanks." I mumbled as I took two and drank some water. "Probably should go back at the tower and pack my things." I mumbled causing him to smile slightly. "You want me to come with you?" He asked causing me to nod my head. "You can stay here. If I don't come back in 30 then you can come get me." I told him as I got out.

"(Y/n). Mr. Stark wants a meeting." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said causing me to sigh softly as I went to the stair that lead to my room. "I don't have time right now." I said as I felt my fingures twitch. "Mr. Stark said he'll ground you for life." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said causing me to growl. "I don't fucking care! He can do what ever the fuck he wants! It's not like his gonna fucking listen to me even if I'm his only kid." I snarled angerly as I open the door to my floor and went inside my room.

I quickly pack my cloths in a bag only to hear my door opened and lots of footsteps. "Where do you think your going?" I heard causing me to get even more annoyed. "Away from you thats for fucking sure." I snapped as I turned to see the whole Avenger here.

"What's wrong with you?" Rhode asked causing me to turn around and glare at him. "I'm a drug addict thats whats fucking wrong with me!" I snapped causing their eyes to widen. "I'm fucking tired of thinking that one day, one of you won't come back home or even all of you. Then what?" I asked as I felt tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm tired of having endless nightmare of you guys not coming home and that I couldn't do anything about." I said as I clench my fist. "How long?" I heard causing me to look up and see Peter's pain faced. "Seven years now." I said softly causing everyone to intake a breath. "Why don't you..." Bruce started causing me to look at him. "Go to rehab? I've tried. Multiple fucking times. It not helping me." I said as I look at the time.

"Then where are you going?" Natasha asked as Peter sat next to me. "A friends place. I have an idea on how I can stop but I don't know it will work." I said as I slowly took Peter's hand. He quickly intertwine our fingures together and gently kissed my hand. "I did manage to stop once. For a whole year. I meet a little girl. Ray. She helped me." I started as I gently squeez his hand. "But she died and I fell back to using again." I added as Tony got down on his knees in front of me.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Tony asked softy causing me to lean toward him and place my forehead on his shoulder. "And have you get the constant fear that I might overdose when your busy saving the world. That though never crossed my mind." I said softly.

"You could've still told us." Steve said causing me to look up at him. "You guys have to many thing to fight. I think this is my battle to fight on my own." I said softly as I gently nudge my nose on Tony's neck. "After all I'm a Stark. I don't asked for help." I added causing them to smile slightly once I pulled away from Tony.

"(Y/n) You okay?" I heard causing me to chuckled as I look up to see my friend. "Yeah. Help me carry my bag?" I asked moving pass the group to give my friend my bag. "Of course." He saod getting two bags and left the room. "I would ask you guys if you want to come but," I trailed off looking away from them. "You wouldn't know when to have a vacation." I added softly as I saw pain flash in all their faces.

"You guys can come a visit. If you ever can." I mumbled as I went to hug Tony and place a gentle kiss on Peter's cheek.

[roquesox]

anxiety sux!!! **obvious trigger warning for anxiety coz. . .this rant is gonna be real talk.

first things first, anxiety makes EVERYTHING more complicated than it has to be. you can logically know that your thoughts are being ridiculous and over-exaggerating, but it can still send you into a panicked frenzy or, at the worse of times, a freaking anxiety attack! and yes, there's a difference - one keeps you blocked from doing something the other is a fucking meltdown where it feels like you're about to die.

then you get the people who, for some stupid reason, think that we choose this. like, who the fuck thinks to themself "i've got a really great opportunity in front of me. . .but i'd rather have uncontrollable, racing thoughts of horrible outcomes and hyperventilate for an hour instead of taking it." . . .NO ONE THINKS THAT!!! and then you get the people who suggest that we need to do something insanely dangerous so we "know what real stress feels like" - a specific example is that i was told to go climb a mountain. i mean. . .really? then there's the people who decide to confront and corner you and force you to talk coz apparently that seems helpful. nooo! that messes us up even more. this isn't something that can be 'fixed' with an intervention - it's a condition, not an addiction! and then off course you get the people who act like your issues are specifically designed to make their life difficult. seriously, if you have a person who acts like that, you emotionally cut off from them right now coz you don't need that kind of negativity making your mental health any worse. do not invalidate your experience for someone else's inablity to understand you.

ok, now lets talk about social anxiety. . .this stuff is messed up. you get the people (like me) who constantly seek validation and will essentially break their back for someone else to maaaybe say you're not the worst person ever. then you have people who shell up and can't communicate well at all - no matter what they are going through. i'm partially in this group on some things, but nowhere near the worst of it. the amount of guilt that builds up with this type of anxiety is INSANE. humans are, by nature, social creatures. we crave that give and take. and when that is out of balance (even if you just perceive it to be out of balance) that messes you up. someone who gives a lot becomes needy and feels like they'll never be good enough. someone who can't let people in feels bad for not giving as much as they should and like they don't deserve what they get from others. it's a nightmare! and, unfortunately, because so many people get used to being treated unfairly for this, it completely throws you off when you come across someone who understands and is kind & compassionate. in some cases, you run away from that coz it seems too good to be true. . .which is typically what i do.

even if 2 people have anxiety, it can be so tricky to talk to each other coz you don't know what the other person's triggers are and you don't want to make it worse for either of you, but sometimes your tendencies can trigger each other like you would not believe. . .but that doesn't mean you can't make it work.

it's amazing what a little bit of patience can do. granted it might be a *lot* of patience in some cases, but seeing someone open up is one of the most amazing things ever. being let in by someone who is guarded is so worth it. and honestly, if you're not willing to put in the work, you don't deserve to know the amazing person behind all those walls.

it's funny how i can say that and also be the idjit who doesn't feel like i'm worth anybody's time and effort. but, like i said, i'm mostly on the giving end of the spectrum and i completely empty my cup way too often. and because i'm aware of my fear of rejection and abandonment, i sometimes overlook red flags in fear that i'm being 'too sensitive'. i guess all we can do is do our best to work through our struggles and, if we can, help someone else along the way. and who knows, maybe we'll even find someone who will help us. . .

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

"40 acres and a mule"

Baby what the Hell you want a mule for?

Alright baby. Let me tell you.

You will never ever ever get reparations.

Y'all this lady instigated him and pissed him off. Called him a dam liar and a begger and all kinds of bad.

I quit watching it. I seen enough. "Hustler"

Bitch I'll hustle my fist in your teeth and get you a new set, don't talk hustle when you don't know a dam thing about it.

Let me tell you about me.

I'm registered 1/16 Muscogee (Musckogee and/or Muskogee as well) Creek Nation out of Oklahoma. Our tribe headquarters is in Oklahoma in a mound of dirt -- under a pile of earth is our headquarters.

We have the original council house of brick in town it's a measeuem were all very proud of. Its on 6th street. On a big ole square.

So. Let me tell you. We used to be in Georgia. That's why i picked Atlanta for a big ole fuck you fire. I picked others but I said "this is a government thing?"

"Not really Sabrina it's more police"

"I'm hearing government in that word. Can I fuck up Atlanta? I'll take some country Georgia but you know my tribe is from Atlanta specifically. I don't want no one to get hurt though"

Tree said "i got something perfect, a Wendy's because you use to live in Ireland, too Miss Red Leg hairs in the sun"

"Alright then. Ill take you on Then. Its a done deal".

This was 2008 and to be clear, we didn't start human trafficking in that parking lot -- they already was. 12 years and they ain't stopped. We did intervene but, they dumb and stubborn and they stayed away from the Wendy's unlike the other night. For the last 12 years. This way they would be more inclined to use it. Like we bust them and they keep on. They don't care. Its greed. An addiction. They can't see. So.

I get punched in the face and I get back up and fight again. Same thing - different American Dreams.

So Spain came now Spain is over by Europe. Look at a map. And we left. From fear, we went to Florida.

We didn't have no label. We were humans. We were love. So we moved down to Tampa area.

Then we got named by the whites. The whites then fought us unlike the Spaniards who just wanted to share and we didn't want to. So we just left.

So some of us was all fuck you. We ain't moving just because Spain said we did for them don't mean we will for you. So. We fought.

Some of us were captured. So then the white people said you will show us America, The New World. Like bitch you think we know it all been all over and shit like we got cars. Fuck.

So the whites raped and tried to kill all that refused to move. So they left them. We left them. They were named Seminoles.

Because semen they were raped and we also left the old that were unable to travel. And the small kids. Two words. Semen in. Olds. Raped. Wounded. Old and children.

The rest of us took the whites and Spaniards (some did and some didn't war) across the new world.

And we followed Creeks. The Spaniards knew the rivers went North and South. They wanted to go West.

So we walked. All the way to the Middle of the United States of America. And stopped.

We said we want our land. We want our trust. We want our lives back. You go do you and leave us here and alone without you.

The Spaniards agreed. And the whites of course so fucking greedy and non cognitive. Fought.

Eventually we got our land. My family. We had a big ole 2 floor 10 room mansion. It felt like.

32 years later the government decided they wanted to build a dam. And once again. Our land was gone.

And our land was stolen.

Now that glorious home we had that my family earned to show the way West is gone. Flooded under a lake built by a dam in Oklahoma.

They moved us to Okmulgee about 45 minutes South of Tulsa.

Its not a reservation. Anyone can live there. In fact our HQ is in the city limits.

And we don't have land. We don't have anything we were promised.

Since i don't live there and i live in New Mexico, I don't get any of the benefits. And because New Mexico Native Americans warred with each other due to the Hispanics from Central America. Other Nations don't like to help me.

Here. Native American tribes in New Mexico. They're prejudice against each other. And whites.

And it's really fucking bad. I used to work at the BIA. Beaururu of Indian Affairs. "What tribe are you?" And if you were Aztec you were cool. If you were Peublo you were fighting with Navajo. And vice versa.

And we were making sure people of ALL Tribes got money for their needs. Like for medicine or transportation. And our office was fighting each other.

Like what the Hell? We all have the same purpose here. We all come from the same place, we all have the same heart and same pain. And we're all are hurt and so why are you all hurting each other?

I got a tattoo of an Indian Head on my left lower arm so no matter what unless it was long sleeves, everyone could see.

And i would hear them physically hitting each other. And they all remembered I got the tattoo and i showed them when i came back from lunch and I wss all bleeding and it was brand new.

Then i went around and showed them all as it healed. Showed them progress and lack off.

So they would fight. The Aztecs didn't put up with shit like me. And so people would try to dominate them

So i could always hear them fight. And it was a big office. An entire floor of the big Compass Bank building in Albuquerque. But I could always hear them except on the complete opposite because door ways. But three certain ladies would go to the hall and call for me to go stop it.

You know. It was the year 2000. I was only born in 1985 although I have always used a different birthday since i was adopted of 1980.

So literally I was 15 years old. "Legally" i was only 19 and not even old enough to buy alcohol and there I was pulling grammas off each other And people old enough to be my mom.

They called me a stupid white. Because I am light skinned. A stupid white nigger. I know what that is. An abusive slave owner

Me!! Me of all people!!!

I already had PTSD coming out the ass and i could barely drag my ass out of bed in the morning because i wss so suicidal depressed. And i get called a slave owner. A lazy and abusive one at that!?!

"Well i don't see you working!! You wanna call people nigger you brown ass bitch?!?! Your ass is always fighting!! Why don't you go earn a paycheck!!" She regretted running her mouth at me more than 2x. I had shoved her and when she got closer, she claimed because she couldn't hear although people from the complete opposite walls came running, i punched her in the face. Cold coked her dead to the floor. She had that evil gleam. The dead Zulululu look. That evil dumb bitch look. And no fucking way was she touching me. So then her back up who was like 7 foot tall grabbed up my hair and vagina and threw me 8 feet across the room.

I just got up and sat at my desk and pretended like nothing happened. Just like the Zulululu do. I had road rash like a mother fucker tho.

I got him later in the parking lot. Shoved him in front of a moving car at 40 mph. This girl that worked with us. A 68 mustang all real metal total steel.

He never came back to work to mess with us. And,the girl got transferred to another floor. And I got called down for her 5th fight and I interviewed the people around the fight area and they said they all worked in peace until she had come. They had whites tho.

And most New Mexico Native Americans HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE whites.

So she got fired, I recommended it. She couldn't get along with anyone. I recommended she get a job on her reservation in Montana for her tribe and so the BIA paid for her to move. Citing emotional difficulties, PTSD due to government intervention in Native American lives.

So this man he's asking for reparation in this video.

And i just want to answer him..

You never will. They were gonna fire her. Leave her dead. I asked special they send her away to a place she could likely find peace.

Nd she did. But if it wasn't for me, she would had nothing.

And she had called me a white nigger and I got thrown 8 feet across the room because of her.

I'm adding her now and him to the list. Idc if they been interviewed, its eye for an eye. They are both Zulululu and still causing fights over nothing.

I had slammed her against the wall by her throat and i wanted to kill her and i should had. But i told her "im going to do something for yoh because i hate myself more than i hate you and you will accept it. And if hou keep acting like this you will receive death more than me slamming your head on this printer until you can't breathe" then i put all the pressure I could without killing her on her throat. Then killed her anyway. Died myself went through the black hole and dragged her ass back in her body pushed the EMT OFF ME, got up and jumped on her stomach and chest full body and killed her again then this bitch tried to go to the sun, so i got her ass back. Threw her ass back in. Woke up in the fucking elevator, trying to get outta the stretcher "oh im fine where is this dam bitch"

"Oh my God! You gotta lay down!"

"Fine i bet she's not back in" got out of my body and found her hiding in the dirt.

This bitch wanted to fight?! She was gonna find me fighting her. Behind death for the rest of her life.

She was old, too. Like 46... I was only 15/19. More than twice my age. 3x my real.

I woke up in the stretcher downstairs laughing and farting. She was crying how scared she was. I thought it was funny. I was so mad I didn't care how she felt. Scared was not what i expected. It surprised me and made me laugh. I didn't know how she would feel. She never stopped fighting. Scared of me? Nah. Im just an innocent sweet babe.

So other than her, i would show people my tattoo when the fought. "You and I. You and her. We all come from the same place. We are all Indians! Look at me! My tattoo! It hurt! For no reason and I didn't want it to! Lets just get over it and heal ourselves in our souls the Indian way!"

They had saw. Some had taken photos. They knew it hurt. It swelled up. It was red. Imflammed but not infected. Like anger of the hearts.

I shouldn't had to prove we suffered

So I ask those asking or demanding reparations, please don't.

We don't all have benefits. And we have pain and suffering. And a lot is jealousy because some tribes have more than others.

If you get reparations, i fear the ramifications.

"Oh them ni**ers got shit and we didn't"

Babes. Sometimes it just time to let go.

Just let it go, baby.

I can't think of my family's land and mansion under water. Flooded. I get punched in the fucking heart. And it hurts. It hurts so bad

I ain't a piece of trash. Following a dam creek so fucking far just to climb what looked like another mountain. Fuck that.

Then they flood it. Fuck you back.

Fuck you back. Fuck you back. They said. FUCK YOU. BECAUSE YOU DIDNT WANT TO BE RAPED AND WOUNDED AND YOU TOOK US TO THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY ON YOUR BARE FEET AND HALF YOU DIED ALONG THE WAY BECAUSE WE BEAT AND RAPED YOU ANYWAY. FUCK YOU BACK FOR NO REASON THAT YOU WERE ALIVE AND IN OUR NEW WORLD FIRST.

OUR NEW WORLD. FUCK YOU. PIECE OF TRASH.

Lost city of Atlantis. People look for it by Greece and shit. Its just in Oklahoma.

We came from Atlanta. "Fine this can be your new Atlas location" said the Spaniards..

But they were too nice. Christopher Columbus was too nice. Spaniards brought food and shelters. But we we're afraid of them. Their odd food, and so on. We did not know what they were. We didn't recognize any one. When we went to Florida they did go with. It was exploration to them. Running away to us. They followed, just curious.

Then we understood. They were like children playing. Innocent. They followed. They kept us safe.

They knew we were afraid once there was a ravine. Their scouts spotted it. They knew we ran our horses too fast and we would all died. They raced ahead in the night while we camped and they all stood to block us off. 100 feet from the edge they formed a line of their own bodies to stop us.

That is when we knew we could trust the Spaniards. So we went scout back to Atlanta to see what happened there. And to tell what had occurred. That our lives had been saved.

Then we took court. We camped near side them for 10 days to decide how much of our lives we should give. Reports came back that 100% trust would be accurate. And so slowly we allowed the "wapuauhaluani" to lean into the Spaniards to truly see what they were all about.

We became friends.

But the whites took over the country. And we all lost.

So I understand what my brothers and sisters and my ma's and pas and little babies in the African American community is going through.

From the eyes of my current life as a registered 1/16 Native American, 23andme says only 3%

As a person to get a tattoo to stop war after I did so many years of community work in the Black Panthers where obviously I am not black any more and I was accepted.

I know what it feels like to be white and hated.

I know what it feels like to be hated for the color of my skin.

As a white person.

But fully accepted into the black community..

So excuse me when I go to a state that has an actual African American population and I just sit and stare looking like a true jack ass.

I just feel like myself. I feel complete. And I feel accepted.

And so not all of you know me. I do work in South America and all over the globe and i treat them all the same.

Reparations, i am afraid. I know and I believe will have repercussions this day and age.

So now Altlanta. Where i am from. My tribe was all brown there. Is now black.

I don't be ignorant and hate them because they took over my town.

That's not why i say. I say because it happens to everyone else.

And so I plan to treat people all the same. We do the DNA4U paid education and quizzes. And i know its not what you ask but it is done by the Tree of Infinite Knowledge.

And right now I'm just a POW and i can't do more than what I can.

But all you beautiful people that is gonna survive. I promise you.

Every single person on this Earth has suffered.

Every single person will get rewards for living. Every thing will be okay..

I know it's not today. Today is the fight for our beautiful children in this world and ourselves.

Its not almost over yet its not just beginning.

This is the orgasm state. Orgasm. So intense and wild and pleasurable and exhausting.

What comes after? Bliss and peace.

Tree keeps telling me two to four years more

My babies, it sounds so long. But every time he says 2 years I say "Well at least it's only 2"

I ask him 3 times a week. "How long is it now?"

We are gonna be okay.

You know those books that you pick the ending? What you do effects it?

Sometimes you can do 5 different things and the ending is the same?

People. I saw call it the "plandemic"

Trust me, it's planned so hard core the black hole feels it. We will win.

I gave up my only child. She was 4 years old. In 2008. I have a clone. And her spirit comes sometimes in it. And sometimes it's other ghosts.

People were wondering why I was crying the other day when I was driving. And I didn't want to say.

My daughter is in prison now. To keep her safe. You cannot imagine the intense fear I have every single day. And I don't even understand myself as for why.

I can see my daughter and she's safe and she's happy and laughing. But... She's a divine clone. My parents made her and the evil aliens took my real daughter.

They call her Sophia. She volunteered. Well. Voluntold. She said "someone needs to fix this! I was born on Martin Luther King's (Jr) birthday of his I have a dream speech and I have a dream too! For someone to fix this!!"

And my mom said from the dead, "I have a proposal"

Like I'm screaming and already bawling but u stop myself because she goes straight out of body and stands in front of my mom.

Its so beautiful. Then it is like a horrible Disney Fairytale curse.

"So i just want you to say yes and don't think about anything and don't think about your mom. She's hurt. Remember her back is broke? Now back to Martin Luther King. Yoh can make all dreams come true. You can be the Hero for the whole entire world because your dad is a mess and you can change this from oh 47 years to about 12 what do you think about that?"

"Yes!! I do! I want that! What do you think mom?"

And i could only stare at how beautiful mu child is. And I felt the horrific horror of how the Queen or fairy God mother puts the whole town to sleep for the curse and you know i began to bawl.

In our past lives. She wasnt the brave one. She was the first born. And she was always with me. Over protective like crazy. Someone was always watching just to make sure she breathed right and had all she needed immediately. Never went out. Always had 7 layers of guards between her and the outside world.

And my mom of all people was telling her to go free and go Just walk in the front door of evil to live.

I was proud. And joyful and in complete agony.

I had to do what was right.

God didn't send his only begotten son to die on the cross. That never haoend.

But a Goddess gave birth to a girl after having sex. And the aliens that attempted to kill her on a cross, named her Jesus and wrote a shameful book about her called the Bible. With nothing but lies. And that Jesus. The real Jesus. The Only Jesus. Sent her only daughter into the pits of Earths most Evil to destroy it with dreams.

So we will all suffer for two to four more years..

For that child to allow us to finish our work.

And no one will say the word reparations again. They will simply say "thank you, I am happy with the changes"

My mom promised me and my daughter.

Due to the True Annabelle parading around as Sophia (now in my prison and went swimming with a historical sibling that was born in a lifetime different than this in their shared hall cell) we are down to two to four years as opposed to 35.

So please quit fucking with Christopher Columbus.

The statues that are being taken down by states will be placed when it's safe to do so in places Christopher Columbus loved, if that is okay with every one else.

Robert E Lee as well. Tree has already publicly listed our blessed that we were so lucky to have that ARE heros for Earth.

Obviously not all white people are bad. But they used to be. Back then. Obviously I am 95% White according to 23 and me.

We had an emergency situation. So we changed the skin of all people not on the Africa continent to white. That os on the non American side. Later after invasions we changed all our good to brown.

This way. Because the invading aliens were so power full. So #1 is protect.

So Northern Europe was changed to white from Negro in order to blend in with the invaders. This way invaders in that,area,didn't know who to kill.

So,obviously invading in Ireland was red heads and white skin.

Sweden, yellow hair and white skin.

So we instantly did that.

Then because of information they would continue to invade that area, we kept them the aliens color.

So all of us except the negros are the color of aliens.

But the Zulululu kills and invades the body with their souls. So now African color folks have alien as well as every other color..

And that is why I'm fed the fuck up.

Im killing every fucking alien i don't agree with.. We did 12 years of intensive studies. In 1994 we jailed ass holes like Trump and more. And this is the end result.

THIS IS THE APOCALYPSE..

Y'all Jesus been here 35 years.. And i want to kill myself. This Earth. I just wanna blow it up and start all over. But I'm stubborn.

And I'm PISSED the fuck off.

And i have a child willing to risk her life until age 16.

Like the damdesr Princess in the world.

So every one will get the land they are owed.

African Americans. Remember VIKINGS.. Our babies, our brothers and sisters our elderly had their land stolen.

People in Africa. The Middle East.

I had to tear down a dam wall in the middle of Germany.

Okay?

I'm here and i hate it.