#It's all empty and dull
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Bored bored bored bored
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i haven’t been here much recently, and i’m sorry i’ve only been negative on the off chance i’ve been online, but let me just say one last piece before the end of this month, so that maybe the next might be better….
#or maybe my time here ends w this month…i’m not sure i guess it all depends on how i feel but as of right now#everytime i think i'm fine i open tumblr and immediately am sad again the whole app has become my doomscroll at this point#i got a notification on a random talking post from a while ago and it felt like reading the words of a completely different person#lately i find it difficult to find any joy here at all when it always feels so lonely… a type of loneliness i’ve never experienced before#everyone always has ppl interacting w them who are interested in their stuff or are always sent things that are reminiscent of them....#i’m always praised for remembering stuff abt other ppl but i wonder if anyone remembers anything abt me#what is it about me that is so forgettable am i dull am i uninteresting did i not solidify myself enough do you guys just not like me lolz#but i don't want this to come across as guilt tripping or being ungrateful to what i do have because ik comparison is the death of joy but#it's still hard to watch when it's so in your face and it makes me think if ppl only talk to me because they feel obligated to#because anyone can say empty words.... i wish my perception of things didn't turn bitter i wish i hadn't become so jaded but#over and over i've felt irrelevant cast aside overshadowed and i cannot exist in a place where i feel like i'm a ghost in the corner#idk i've never felt like This before and i'm at least glad it's something i can walk away from by just....leaving...#sad that this used to be somewhere i can run away To but now it's become somewhere i want to run away From#i don't know...even if i get over whatever this is...things will never be the same for me... i just don't think i belong here#if only i had never made this blog then i would have saved myself a world of turmoil
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If short on food, is she willing to eat another race?
{{ Oh, this is probably my fault--whoops! But, thank you for the fun question!
The reason why I say "probably" is because I have this tendency to have a set idea for my muse (in regards to personality, worldbuilding, lore, plots, etc) and I don't write it down in detail through my RPs, even though I have mental and physical notes. I'm gonna make a pledge right here and now to not do that anymore.
Anyway.
Maiz's first inclination is to eat other Races.
Her preferences are: the spines, brains, livers, kidneys (assuming the Race has them or a close equivalent), while her drinks are their blood and very rarely, their cerebral fluid. Culturally, this was done alongside the primary diet which included the Saiyan equivalent of grains, fruits, dairies, meat, alcohol. . . you get the idea. Post Genocide, Maiz solely ate other Races and continues to, in most verses/situations.
She's fully capable of eating food-food, though, if the option is there. Through threads, I've discovered she's alright with coffee and teas. Water is fine, too--it just has a weak taste to her.
#Intergalactic Messages - Received#Eating people TW#{{ water specifically has a weak taste because of her taste buds. they're too strong(?) i believe is the best way to say that.#{{so water basically just tastes like she's drinking air. it barely registers at all until she sees the bottle is empty.#{{ water by itself is dull and boring. water with fun stuff in it like fruits or seeds? now she might like it a bit more-#{{ since there's “something there”.
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always an angel, never a god kinda evening </3
#i can’t stop sobbing#i sobbed so hard i threw up into the bathtub#everything is so bleak and hopeless and it’s never felt so fully empty and dull like this#if i were braver i would slice myself open and end it all finally once and for all#but i am a coward#nothing but a coward#suicide tw#depression tw#i don’t know why i am the way i am#i lied i am just lowering your expectations#boygenius said it best 🙂
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#oh nooo not the post-campaign hangover#i KNEW the weekend was good enough to make me crash super hard when the high of it finally ends#and now when it's my day off of work and i'm home alone all day i just feel this... emptiness#just the horrible dull pang of having lost something#the people aren't here anymore. there is no next game scheduled. there won't BE a next game since the whole thing ended!#and like. no. gimme back the good times#i want love and attention and i want to laugh with people and be affectionate ; _ ; pls#sussitalk
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I feel like the best kind of depiction of halloween in movies and tv is when the set is absolutely covered in homey halloween. I'm talking warm/natural lighting, bats and spiders and pumpkins everywhere, fun decorations in every shot, even the scary decorations are good if paired next to the other properly.
Some pumpkins thrown around, sparse bats and cobwebs, and harsh, sterile lighting is the worst. It makes the set and scene feel more like an office manager's idea of what's appropriate to decorate in the workplace, not an actual real person having fun and enjoying the holiday. It's a bad look and feel. Give me a vomit of fun and warmth over it any day
#this is part of why i think halloweentown 2 is genuinely upsetting and unsettling especially as a kid#cause the whole first movie was shot colored and sexorated like a warm hug#like the joy of being a kid and dressing up and going out to have fun#it is light and bright and sure its technically spooky but you dont have to be scared to enjoy the holiday#so when you get to the second movie and she goes to halloweentown and its so sterile and the colors are dulled and normal#it was genuinely upsetting as a kid because who would want this when all the love and warmth is gone#ik thats a weird minirant for tags and a post in general#i was just thinking about some of the halloween episodes out there and how they feel empty#and like yeah sometimes it has to match the shows tone but honestly its so boring to see a halloween episode without the feeling
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#Back to college. My attachments to people have withered away almost completely. Its refreshing but also boring. Not caring about the-#-outcome of a situation leaves life feeling dull. I almost want to get as mad as I did and as sad as I once did to feel something.#Maybe that’s why I get into relationships all of the time because it’s stimulating enough. I just feel empty and like I’m playing a part-#-in a play. In this play I have two special interests (people) and both aren’t very fulfilling or justifiable.#I am a scholar and I am making my life as beautiful and whole as I can. I am attempting to remain the most attractive person inside and-#-out that I can. I am falling back into my narcissism and I genuinely do believe that I am better than others.#There’s no to answer to any of this worry around relationships because it’s pointless.#People are people and there are many more to meet and love. I need something new soon. I want to be happy but I can’t feel it.#My personality and interests and successes don’t exist outside of someone else observing them. Similar to quantum physics. So..#..are narcissists actually wrong and everyone else is pretending that they exist outside of observation?#I kind of don’t care either way. I’m kind of done. If they want to leave they can. If they want to stay they can. Choose wisely.#grey god
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I hate not being able to enjoy anything. And in a way I can’t even bring myself to want to enjoy anything. I just don’t like this endless void and the persistence of existing. I have to keep breathing even though every breath I take is a drag, every bite I eat tastes like dust, and for every moment I sleep I wake feeling more agonized.
#depression#grief#grieving#void#emptiness#bpd emotions#I remember feeling so much wonder for the world and the ability to see so much beauty#now I’m wondering if that person died and I’ve just replaced them#I can’t think of a single thing I like or have ever liked#colors are dull sounds are all annoying everything is just white noise and I’m just sitting here in it waiting for it to change#or stop
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K but when. It feels like the rapture will come before this happens so lol
“Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they’ve been looking for their entire lives. Wait for it.”
— Unknown
#literally all I care about is finding a so to think this way about me#or I don’t want to be alive#bc what’s the point#I mean I don’t have friends anyways#maybe I’m just lonely though#but I want that SPECIAL person#it’s like no other bond ya know?#that’ll make feel more worth living#bc I feel so empty and dull inside#I also should probably spend time with God to correct that though#I feel so alone most times
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reread all my poems and wip drafts again and I feel human for the first time in months
#I've spent this whole year studying and sleeping and not talking to anyone#literally not talking to anyone my phone is empty#reading all the stuff I was capable of writing like wow I'm not a dull machine I can actually have thoughts and create stuff#on the other hand 16 year old me was really going through it
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dear diary, i feel as though it gets harder and harder to feel anything sometimes 💖 there’s a good bit of frustration between me and my housemates over little things and it all kinda accumulated into one big Thing that is now a Conflict we have to address tomorrow bc we were all too hormonal to have the conversation tonight. and it was bad enough that one of them is staying the night with her girlfriend bc the conflict freaked her out and she didn’t wanna be alone. and i know the other one is probably both anxious and still frustrated/mad over the whole thing. and in the past i totally would have been a wreck over it like i would’ve been super anxious and upset and like. crying myself to sleep. but instead i don’t really feel much of anything! like of course i hope the situation clears up when we talk it through tomorrow but like. that’s about it rn. i feel stuck on the “fine” emotion like a sim. it’s like i can barely even feel stress over school right now even though i know i have a lot that’s really overwhelming. i felt stressed and overwhelmed even earlier today! i felt pissed off and frustrated and petty and bitter earlier! but once i had to slip into my Diplomacy Mode to deescalate the situation, it’s like i can’t turn my emotions back on :P
#like even typing all of this out i feel just. Fine. i’m okay. i’m not in any kind of bad mood#i’m just chilling#at most i can vaguely feel concern (for my housemate And for my inability to feel emotions rn) but it feels so distant#it’s like that concern is hidden beyond a thick fog or at the bottom of a sink overflowing with bubbles#i just can’t really reach those feelings of concern. i know they’re there but i can’t grasp them. and i don’t care enough to try harder#even if i know i probably should bc man. i should be feeling things right now! it’s not good that i can’t feel anything!#but this gray fineness is better than crushing anxiety over 57 different things so why *would* i want to feel that rn?#it’s just concerning i suppose because like. it’s not normal that i’m emotionless rn#objectively this is not a good sign about my mental state#but like i’ve said before lately! i just feel this persistent feeling of emptiness inside!#it’s not a void it’s not a pit it’s not a well of hopelessness#it’s just a dull unfinished room. it’s not depressing or shabby or anything. it’s just empty. completely neutral
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There must be some correlation between me growing older and growing more delusional as well
#you see ive always loved shoujo manga and fantasy series#but sometime after graduating highscool all those interests came back at full force#i now am old enough to have dropped college (lmao) and also got a job#and everything is just. so dull#so now i cant stop gushing over pretty 2d boys and rewatching and rereading sparkly or edgy shoujo i loved and still do#im not only reading more otomege too but also dabbling into dlsite dummy mic shit way too often lol#self inserting is so easy for me too#i dont need the hero(ine) to be an empty vessel for the player so i can image myself in their shoes#i can be anything#im reading so many visual novels again too#i want to be cool too... do cool shit like fight against evil with my cool robot or have a pretty boy insanely attracted to me#im still acting nonchalant about most of my interests in my public accounts but in reality im gigglijng and blushing and kicking my feet an#crying and laughing and actually clapping irl whenever i read and watch my favorite tbingst#i rewatched and reread vampre knght not too long ago and mein gott why cant i be the protag#give me that edgy sappy shit#i want to live in a world of fantasy and get out of here#akiwife yap
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Gravity Falls was strange, and the townsfolk even stranger, it seemed.
The twins had been unceremoniously dropped off on the side of the dusty road, the roar of the bus engine fading away as the driver wordlessly drove off without fanfare. The poor man had almost seemed close to tears ever since they had entered the thresholds of this seemingly innocuous town, all too eager to speed off and away while leaving the two children coughing and wheezing in its dust.
It had not even been a full minute since their lackluster drop-off before they became well acquainted with the oddly sociable and irritatingly chatty inhabitants of Gravity Falls. A single conversation with a pair of boisterous policemen already told them all they needed to know about the history of the town, as well as the whereabouts of their Great Uncle Ford.
"The Mystery Shack," the townsfolk had called it. It seemed as though their distant uncle had earned himself somewhat of a reputation amongst the locals. He was the town cryptid; the ever elusive mad scientist that lived in the outskirts of town in this so called "Mystery Shack". No one really knew who he really was; but everyone knew exactly who he was.
So, when the twins found themselves stood hand in hand in front of the rickety old shack, they hadn't really known what to expect when door had swung open with a deafening slam.
He was a strange man, their Great Uncle Ford. He seemed nothing like the cackling looney lab-coated madman they had imagined from what meager hushed information the townsfolk had offered them. It seemed as though the tales of a scientist gone mad that experimented on stray children that wandered into his spooky "Mystery Shack" was but a cruel rumor.
He mostly just seemed unhealthy, to be honest. His sickly, pale frame utterly drowned in the thick red woolen sweater that practically seemed to hang off of his lanky body like a second flap of skin. It made him look almost child-like, like a kid trying on their parents clothes; which somewhat diluted the intimidating effects of his looming height.
Although, the townsfolk's apparent fear of their Great Uncle Ford seemed to have some merit.
For one, Grunkle Ford really didn't seem all too human. He wasn't inhumane, per se; just, not entirely himself, if that made any sense. Looking at him was like looking at an incomplete puzzle; or looking at someone who you remember all your life wearing a hat, suddenly coming to work one day without one, and it takes a little too long for you to remember what is missing.
It was like Grunkle Ford had lost pieces of himself. Somewhere, to someone. His eyes seemed... almost empty. They were a little too dull and a little too opaque, lacking the lively shine of life everyone else seemed to have.
Another thing was that Grunkle Ford wasn't entirely alone. There was... someone else. The twins couldn't exactly pinpoint where, but they could feel its stare, whatever or whoever it was. They could almost feel its stare, a non-existent eye trailing a weird prickling sensation across their skin. The twins recalled the words of one of the townsfolk, a tall bestacled man with haunted blind eyes; although unseeing they could have sworn his gaze never seemed to leave them, as all he said was:
"Don't catch IT staring at you"
The twins had an odd feeling that IT was looking at them right now.
They didn't even notice when the pale bony hand of Grunkle Ford suddenly reached into their personal space, barely registering his words at all, much less the extra fingers that adorned each of his rough, worn palms.
They didn't take the hand.
If the twins had thought the outside of the shack looked decrepit, the inside seemed somehow even worse.
Every inch of exposed wall, ceiling or floor were utterly covered by sprawling symbols, summoning circles, and indecipherable words that seemed to be in an entirely different language than any the twins knew. They overlapped and tangled into one another into big, messy, red splotches of clustered nothings.
There were notes, diagrams on ripped pieces of aged looking paper scattered everywhere, with hardly any room for post-it notes squeezed wherever there was room. Lit and unlit candles were placed absolutely everywhere; either hidden in the dark corners or openly stood in the middle of the floor; sometimes in a circle, sometimes not. The melted fallen wax had coagulated into a hard white mess onto the floor; the smell of cheap vanilla scented candles intermingling with the smell of halloween fake blood (and Dipper was convince there had to be some real blood there, too) to create a sour concoction that stung their noses unpleasantly.
The shack was sparsely furnished with rarely any furniture at all. Not even a couch, the tables and chairs simply pushed to the walls to make more space for the endlessly swirling symbols and pentagrams. The twins were hesitant of stepping on any of the summoning circles, carefully sidestepping the candles and walking over the line of the pentagrams.
The attic, where they would be residing, was not much better.
Maybe they did end up in a mad scientist's house, after all.
#my art#my writing#my fic#i suppose?#oneshot#gravity falls#gravity falls au#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU#bill cipher#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mabel pines#gravity falls fanfiction#tw scopophobia#tw staring#tw eerie#tw fake blood#tw cult#<- not really but just in case!!#tw demons#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford jumpscare!! :)
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how life feels after not breaking my fast even when faced with a plate of my favorite most mouth-wateringly delicious binge foods
#it also feels so devastating tho#like its RIGHT THERE. WITHIN REACH#and my body is so starved and i hadnt eaten anything all day and all i wanted was to eat everything in my sight#even at a normal portion size it doesnt even have to be a binge#but i didnt allow myself that because im disciplined#but god i miss it#i miss eating#i miss the flavor#im so scared that one of these days im gonna lose control#that im gonna start eating again and gain it all back#its my biggest fear right now#but god i just miss the little sparks of joy from eating a favorite food#life feels so dull now#all the color and intrigue has been sucked out of it#i live for nothing but starvation#i wake up every day with an empty stomach#yearning to fill it with something that could fix this mess in my mind#but i dont. because i would rather be skinny than happy#on that day that he sees me again#i need to be skinny. or at least the same weight i was at the last time he saw me#he cant see me fat#thats all i need#i need to lose 60 more fucking pounds#im fucking repulsive#how could i let myself get this bad#if december 2022 me knew my weight ever got this high i dont even know what i would have done#im a disappointment to everyone even myself#im such a fucking eyesore. the least i could do for the world is make my disgusting form at least slightly more appealing#my only joy now is seeing the scale go down. its the one thing i look forward to#but even when the numbers go down rapidly its not enough. no matter how far i go it never will be enough for me
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weird how its the boring unimportant details that somehow form such a large part of life like im not even talking about actual nice things the things like a nice virw of the ocean or nice food or whatever, im talking about stuff you dont care about and only idly notice, but over time it builds up and ends up seeping into nostalgia and what you like about life. like who cares about the shabby pavements or the supermarket you went to when you first lived alone or the architecture of the school you went to but those things exist in the background of your perception so much like just the vague concept of your life in that time or enjoying living gets absorbed into those boring things thats all you remember
#or is my life literally so dull and empty this is all there is#so my mind makes into something worth remembering#i mean i can be interested in anything anyway to be honest independent of investment or anything just to pass the time#passing interest that is even if i do keep coming back to it#but the moment something gets assigned importance then im far less eager to think about it#but when it doesnt matter its not effort like essays and stuff is#well i think im getting off track between pavements and essays i do have hobbies and things i actually like#but so much space will end up for this stuff i im completely indifferent to anyway cause im so lazy or whatever
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♡ TW: implied noncon, break-up, toxic relationship, crazy ex-boyfriend, intrusive thoughts, anger issues
♡ FEM reader
Thinking about gamer boyfriend who doesn’t know what he has before it’s gone…
You told him you were leaving, but it didn’t dawn on him that’s what you’d meant. He was deep in-game—he couldn't pay attention to your whining. He figured you went out to the store or something, but later, after midnight, he realized he was hungry, and you were nowhere. Not in the kitchen making dinner, not in his bed sleeping, and not in the bathroom either.
Did you go home? He wonders, standing alone in the dark, empty silence—feeling a little put off at the sight of his room—how even in the dim light, it’s a clear fucking mess. You usually tidy up a bit for him, but you hadn’t this time—no, there’s old underwear and socks everywhere, shirts and hoodies too, empty cans and pizza boxes. It’s a bit gross, actually, he admits while scratching his neck.
The drawer he’d dedicated to you in his dresser is open and empty. Did you take everything to get it cleaned? You are a bit of a neat freak—unlike him. Suppose that would be something you’d do. Weird of you not to take any of his laundry as well, though.
Oh, well. He shoots you a “gn bby” on his phone, then collapses on his bed and falls asleep—smiles a bit as he does so—it’s nice not having you here to tell him to undress and go shower first. Yeah, you can be such a nag sometimes.
He wakes up late in the day. You’re not there. Usually, you come over to wake him with some breakfast. He checks his phone—you didn’t reply last night. It isn't that weird—you were probably already asleep at that point. But why didn’t you answer when you woke up? There’s no way you’re still asleep, right?
Fuck, he’s hungry.
“gm,” he sends—contemplates asking you what’s up but doesn’t. You must be busy with something not to have checked your phone yet.
The entire day goes by, and you still don’t answer. He doesn’t take it too hard. But he won’t deny being a bit miffed.
It’s when three days go by that he’s well and truly confused. He’s sent you several texts at this point, even called you a few times, getting a little worried something had happened to you before he got the message that he’d been blocked.
What the fuck’s going on with you?
He thinks back to the last time he saw you. What did you even say? He can’t remember. Something about being tired—something, something—I’m leaving.
He swallows thickly. No… No way, that’s what you meant, right? No, can’t be. You love him. You’re his pretty girlfriend. The one that comes with his food and later comes back for his bowl. The one that sucks his dick under his desk as he goes on a kill streak. The warm pillow he uses when he finally drags his bad posture to the bed and falls asleep.
No. Where the fuck are you? Are you sick or something? Yeah, must be, right? So delirious you’ve managed to block him somehow. You were probably only trying to call him back. You were never so tech-savvy—a fever must have worsened it. He should go to you. He can bring his pc. Or no, he can get you and bring you back here. Yeah, that would be easier.
He calls your roommate, tells her he’s coming, and asks her to let you know to get ready.
“What are you talking about?” she says through a piece of gum—her voice all dull as if bothered to have picked up the phone. Or, rather, she sounds a bit drunk. There’s music in the background. “Girl broke up with you, didn’t she?”
His blood runs cold at that. A lump forms in his throat—a thick, unmovable lump that makes him think he’s about to throw up. “N-no, she didn’t.”
“Hey!” she calls out, not to him, though—she’s covered the mic with her hand. He only hears the muted distortion of voices and bass through it before your roommate comes back to him.
“Sorry—she’s telling me a different story,” she relays, popping her gum in his ear before sneering—or, at least, that’s what he pictures. “Honestly, how long did you think she was gonna put up with cleaning up after you anyway? I know I wouldn’t last half as long as she has.” The lump in his throat grows thicker, swelling up until it's choking him. “Anyway, good luck.”
She hangs up, and he drops his phone. There’s a crack as it hits the floor. And then something wet on his face. Something hot. Something searing as it tracks down his cheeks and drops off like acid onto the floor.
What should he do? What do you want him to do? To tidy up? He can do that! He’s not some imbecile like your friend makes him out to be who can’t even do the basics of chores. Of course, he can! And so that’s what he does—hands shaking as he tidies.
It feels foreign, and he’s not even sure where to start. And it quickly proves to be a lot worse than what he’d thought. Beyond stinky clothes and dirty dishes, there’s trash, rotten food, sticky surfaces, and other things he can’t even put a name to. It’s gross, actually. Downright disgusting. How long’s it been like this?
Even after everything’s put in order, there’s a smell that lingers and no end to the dust he has to clean—cringing at the little insects that come crawling out of their hiding spots. Geez—has it really been this bad?
He falls asleep on the floor at some point—having completely forgotten to eat—then wakes up feeling awful the next day. The kitchen is barren, and so he orders take-out. Eats and then goes back to cleaning. There’s still a lot left.
It’s barely recognizable once he’s done. Nice and bright and tidy and clean. There’s a sum of a dozen large black trash bags in the hallway he needs to take out, but other than that, everything’s perfect—perfectly presentable to have you come over again.
Still, he gives it a couple of days. He knows you. You’re going to change your mind. You’re too sweet to be breaking up with him. Too nice. You wouldn’t just leave him, not like this. Yeah, you’re only trying to teach him a lesson—after a while, you’ll come back on your own. You’ll be ecstatic over what he’s done with the place—apologetic even as you tell him you were wrong about him—and then everything will go back to normal. Make-up sex and everything.
But you don’t. No. You’re nowhere to be seen or found—even after a week’s passed. You’re still gone. And he’s starting to believe you might just be gone for real.
No. He sees what this is. You’re waiting for the grand gesture, aren’t you? He never knew you could be so petty—but it’s actually kind of cute. Fine then. He’ll play along—come crawling to you on his hands and knees with the best apology you’ve ever heard. And then you can end this whole thing.
And so he finds himself at your place, pressing the buzzer, not knowing if he’s catching you at home—if not, he’ll just try again tomorrow, and so on until he does. He hears someone at the other side of the door—they must be looking at him through the peephole. It takes a while before the locks click and open.
“Hey…”
It’s you.
“Hi,” he smiles in return, happy to see you. He’s been so nervous, but somehow, your face and voice are enough to calm him down.
“What are you doing here?” you ask.
Oh, of course. You weren’t expecting him. Still, it feels weird of you not to gush happily over the surprise and rush him inside. It’s not every day he goes outside—you should be a little impressed.
But no, of course, you’re playing the part of fed-up girlfriend—acting hard-to-get. He’s got you—he’ll play his part, so don’t worry.
“I wanted to apologize,” he announces. “I haven’t been a good boyfriend—I see that now. But I’ll be better from now on, I promise—come over, and I’ll prove it to you.”
As far as apologies and promises go, he thinks that sounded pretty smooth—not too desperate, not too demanding. Pretty slick, if he can say so himself.
And so, why aren’t you smiling? He can understand being nervous—so is he—but why do you look guilty?
“That’s really nice. And… I’m really happy you’re looking better. But…” you start, and his gut’s already wrenching. “I think you need more time for yourself to just… enjoy what it’s like to be independent, you know?”
No, he doesn’t know. What are you saying? And why are you holding onto the doorknob like that? Holding it steady as if you’re planning to shut it as soon as you can—why?
“Thanks for stopping by. It was nice seeing you—it really was. Take care of yourself, okay?”
It’s shutting—his plans—disappearing right before his face. He knows he isn’t owed a second shot, but this isn’t fair. You can’t be serious—are you?
“What? No, wait—” He stops you, weighing his own hand on the door, keeping it open. “Listen, I’m good now. I’ve pulled it together, you’ll see—I’ll come in, and we’ll talk about it.”
You resist, using both hands to almost push the door back on him. “I have company, so—”
“What’s up?” another voice announces himself—deep and presentful. He comes into view behind you—taller than you, taller than him—looking down his nose at him with a raised brow. “Who’s this?”
You look a bit panicked—no, embarrassed. “Oh, uhm—”
Why are you embarrassed? “Who’s that?” The bitterness in his voice surprises even himself—loaded with the same type of spite he seethes with when players use cheats to win.
“He’s an old friend, but he was just leaving,” you say, but you’re not speaking to him. No, you stroke a hand over the guy’s broad chest, looking up at him apologetically before turning back to him again, voice strict in a way he’s never heard, “Bye.”
“But—”
You shut the door. On him. In his face.
His skin crawls—goosefleshed and chilled. Was that a date? No, right? You have a brother, don’t you? Yes, must be. No way you’re dating. There’s no way, right? It’s only been a week… no way you’ve moved on in only a week, right?
You looked really nice—wearing that sweet blouse with all the little bows and that cute little skirt you’d always wear out on dates. Damn, when was the last time the two of you went on a date? Must be months ago, if he can’t even remember.
Come to think of it, the two of you would always have sex when you wore that skirt. Yeah, it’s your fuck-me-skirt. Are you going to fuck this guy too now? On the first date? Is it your first date? No, probably not—who has their first date at home? That’s more like a third or even fourth or fifth date, right? Were you dating him while the two of you were still together? Have you been cheating on him all this time? Laughing at him behind his back—talking shit with your bitch-roommate? About what a pathetic loser he is? About how he’s a slob who can’t take care of himself? How he needs you? Have you!?
He shouldn't be texting you all this from a random number. He knows that, but the full realization doesn’t dawn on him before it’s too late, and he’s sent you over a hundred messages, some small and others at such a length they take up more than what the screen allows. What the fuck’s he doing? He’d bought the new sim so that he could contact you in an emergency, not to spam you with accusations like some crazy ex.
He starts deleting them—in some desperate wishful thinking, with the hope you wouldn’t see them, but then the dotted line starts beating, jumping in taunt. His eyes are wide as he stares at it, holding his breath. Ten seconds pass before it disappears—no message sent.
You blocked him again. And he can’t blame you.
And yet, he can’t let you go, either.
He spends the first few weeks hauled up at home—his flat becoming as trashed as ever as he doomscrolls all your socials through a fake account. You’ve deleted all the pictures of him—even the ones of yourself when you’ve been with him. There’s no evidence the two of you were even dating.
How could you do this? How could you erase him like this?
He has questions, and he needs answers. You can’t just do this—the two of you haven’t even had the talk—he hasn’t even got to say his side yet!
He just wants to talk to you—why won’t you let him? He just wants you to hear him out. He deserves that much. But since you’re not giving him any option of contacting you, he’s had to resort to medieval methods—lurking outside your apartment like some creep, eyes peeled on your building’s entrance, waiting for you to show.
He’s there for hours, patiently—refusing to go home—thinking he’ll be there all night if he has to.
But then there you are—coming out of the complex, stepping down the alley, dressed all nice for the night. You seem to be in a hurry—are you on your way to another date? Well, wherever you’re going and whoever you’re meeting, they can wait.
“I need to talk—” he doesn’t get the words out.
You’d noticed him following you and tried to out-pace him—make him lose interest. But the area your flat’s situated in is a sketchy one—at least for girls, and you’d made the decision long ago that you’d never walk outside unprepared. And so, as soon as feeling the stranger's hand on your arm, you whip around to maze him right in the face.
“Argh!” he screeches and stumbles back, hands covering his eyes. “Fuck—ow-fuckin’dammit, shit—what the fuck did you do that for? Fuck—”
You were going to make a run for it, but the familiar voice has you halt—wait a minute…
You call his name, and sure enough, it’s him who looks up at you through the teary redness of your pepper spray assault.
“Oh my god, shit—I’m so sorry—I thought you were a—” you stop yourself. “Fuck—never mind. Come—” You link his arm with yours and lead him back inside the apartment you just left. “I’ll help you rinse—I’m so sorry.”
You rush him to the bathroom, seating him atop the toilet lid as you wet a cloth and start soaking his face.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see it was you—” you apologize again. “Are your eyes okay?”
“Not really,” he hisses through clenched teeth, though steals himself soon after. “But they're getting better…”
His face unswells after a good thirty minutes, after which he’s able to keep his eyes open again—sore and no doubt bloodshot, yet fine, if not for that. You’ve moved him into the living room instead, having done what you could to rinse off your attack—having provided him with an apologetic glass of water. Now sitting with him, waiting for the effects to wear off.
It feels nice to be with you again despite the circumstances—but it’s awkward how you don’t speak.
“You look nice,” he says—trying to break the tension. It’s not as if the two of you are strangers, and so you shouldn’t act like it.
“Oh, I’m going to a party—roomie’s already there, so…” you say, sitting at the edge of your seat. “If you’re okay, I should probably head out… soon.”
A silence fills his head, as well as the room—a heavy stillness before a single word leaves him. “What?” His face sinks—part confusion, part offense, and something else—something that makes his voice come out accusatory and outraged, “You maze me in the face, and you’re just gonna fuck off to a party?”
Your eyes widen.“Well… it’s—”
“No—what the fuck?” He stands abruptly. His head’s so empty except for the blinding darkness slowly overtaking it—leaving him feeling boiling and all but nuclear. “That’s all I get? Are you fucking serious?” He’s shouting now—and then he’s on you, with one hand fisting your pretty dress and another around your throat. “First, you dump me without warning, assault me like some maniac, give me a lousy apology, and then tell me to fuck off? What the fuck’s wrong with you?”
You splutter his name and push, but it’s like fighting a wall.
“Where are you actually going dressed like that, huh? What’s so fucking important? Is it another date? What, with that same oaf I saw here last time? Or is it someone new already? I know how flighty you can be. I mean, fuck, I knew you were a little freaky, but I didn’t know I was dating a fucking slut!”
His strength comes as a complete and utter devastating shock. You’d think sitting in a chair all day would make any muscle obsolete—but the hands holding you don’t right now is more than anything you could hope to fight against.
“Stop! Get off me—” you cry, thrashing hopelessly as he lifts your dress and rips your lace panty down your thighs.
A growl in his voice and nothing but rage on his face.
“If anyone can get it—I might as well help myself.”
♡ INSPO
♡ BNHA – Shigaraki, Dabi, Denki, Kirishima
♡ BLLK – Nagi
♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist
♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist
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