#It feels wrong of me to say my experience was a full on cult but they're adjacent

[saltyfilmmajor]

Let's just agree that people forgot that Jom Jones managed to convince hundreds of people to kill themselves and they lost sight of how cults operate and move on because at this point its like talking to a wall

Anon I know this is a serious discussion but i can't stop laughing at JOM.

Anyway i won't say that my lived experiences will ever fully replicate something like Jonestown, or indeed Scientology. However, something like trying to leave my own congregation, that did not exert as much control like those other situations, was still extremely difficult. My friends all saw it in real time, and the further I've since moved on outside that context I can really understand what happened to me. So it's strange to me, people think you can just leave a cult. Like a genuine, no one disagrees is a cult. No one is ever too powerful or too rich or too intelligent whatever to not be taken in by a cult. That's not how that works.

Cult leaders use their charisma to abuse people, and being "high" in the hierarchy doesn't save you from that abuse, it makes you a closer target.

People love to use the "You're not immune to Propaganda meme" and then say "I'd simply wouldn't join a cult" that's just not how it works.

[benegesseritofficial]

The effects of face paint on Harrowhark's psyche

I've now cosplayed Gideon Nav 3 times, with my wife along as Harrow every time. Naturally, this has included full face paint for both of us each time and I have some thoughts.

Let me start by asserting that everything Muir writes in TLT about the face paint is accurate. Rubbing off your lips first, smearing into gray where the black and white meet, the way sweat makes it ooze but not run. I can't say if Muir (a known Homestuck) ever cosplayed as a troll, but I'm positive she tested out the practicality of the skull face paint or otherwise has first hand experience with extensive use of grease paint. Also, the way she describes normal people flinching when they see you is spot on.

I've noticed while putting on the make up that once most of my skin is covered, any flesh tones sticking out start to become unsettling. Specifically, the red/pink of the inner mouth and around the eyes jump out upsettingly. Every time I've done skull paint I find myself meticulously trying to patch over these edges of skin, despite knowing that it's inside skin that Shouldn't Have Make Up On It. Once my face is monochrome, I don't want to be able to see a scrap of real human under there. Smiling, or otherwise opening your mouth wide enough to see the pink, looks UNSETTLING. My own skin causes the uncanny valley effect. You see where this is going. In NtN we learn Harrowhark disassociates often enough that Crux isn't surprised or concerned to see "Harrow" insisting she's someone else. Obviously this is due to her schizophrenia, and perhaps trauma besides. But it doesn't account for every aspect of why Harrow's "like that." On her most lucid days Harrow ignores her body to the point of sweating blood and passing out. She goes entire days without eating. She thinks of herself as a skeleton unfortunately covered in flesh. She sleeps in her paint.

All of which is heinous, but that last one has stuck with me. From age 13-18 I barely glanced down while I showered and whatever I saw I basically blocked out. I wore underwear and a bra under my pajamas to sleep every night. I was going through the wrong puberty, "my body was in open rebellion" as I liked to say at the time, and the only way to cope was to bind it down and pretend it wasn't happening. By Gideon's narration in HtN one gets the impression most nuns of the Ninth are putting their paint on after breakfast and taking it off when they get home. It's not even expected the average person wears it every time they leave the house. But Harrow regularly only takes her paint off in order to redo it. I suspect a combination of being the most brainwashed person in her own cult, knowing how she was conceived, and the regular disassociation make it very difficult for Harrow to conceptualize that she actually lives in a body. If she faced that fact head on she'd have to ask why it so often feels someone else is using her body. She'd have to cope with owning this body, being a part of this body, that was bought with the blood of 200 children who should have been her peers and friends. Instead she pretends it's an object on loan from them. And she does it with 10 layers of black petticoats and so much paint she never has to see her own skin.

Which brings me to the final thing I've noticed wearing full face paint. It dehumanizes you to yourself and everyone around you. I couldn't read my own expressions in a mirror. Even people who understood and were delighted with my cosplay were visibly nervous talking to me. You don't look like a person. Studies have shown that faces wearing heavy make up are ranked as harder to read and perceived as less empathetic. It's a particularly insidious trap of patriarchy that many women find self esteem in wearing make up, while that very act makes everyone around them treat them more callously. And, worst of all, if you stop wearing it once you're used to it, your naked face is shocking. You look sick due to your colors being less bold and the normal small flaws of your face appear unbearably ugly. With all this in mind, Harrow has trapped herself in a feedback loop of not being able to witness her own face and becoming more and more disgusted with the flesh and person underneath whenever she has to glance at it.

[galactic-magick]

Cosmic Love: Viktor/Machine Herald x Reader

Summary: You try to resist your corrupted lover, but you ache too much for his touch that you can’t refuse any longer.

Words: 1.0k

Warnings: SMUT, overstimulation, no pronouns but reader has afab anatomy

Author's Notes: As promised, here is the galaxy quaking, star bursting, 5th dimensional, cosmic anomaly Viktor smut. Takes place between when Jayce tries to kill him and when he goes through the full Machine Herald transformation. Hope you enjoy.

-

He’s been calling to you.

You’ve been ignoring the echoes, ignoring the voices of those he controls. You told him you want no part of it, that you won’t stand by his side if he continues down this cultist path. But even still, he finds ways to continue begging you, sending his followers your way and speaking through them. He pleads for you to join him, to experience the higher awareness and power he has gained. But you must stay strong.

After several months, the cult followers completely lose their humanity, becoming lifeless white and gold husks akin to an army of mannequins. They all look the same, retaining no glimmer of individuality, only the great Machine Herald’s voice to be heard.

As expected, one of them attempts to gain your loyalty back once again, breaking into your house and talking as a mechanized version of the man you once loved.

“I give you one last chance to join me,” it says. “I want you by my side, my love.”

“Viktor...what you’re doing is wrong. You know I can’t do that.”

The form he possesses steps closer to you, metal fingers brushing your cheek. You shiver, but you don’t turn away. You’ve yearned for his touch again for so long, that even this form of him makes you question your answer. His fingers are placed so meticulously, gliding down your neck, your breasts, your hips. It’s so easy to imagine it’s Viktor’s face you’re gazing upon, covering up the blank slate that’s actually in front of you.

“If you won’t join me…” his voice rings clear in your ears. “Allow me to have you one last time.”

You squirm, begging every damn desire in your body to say “no” while the machine’s fingers drop ever closer to the space between your legs.

But you won’t say “no.” You want this as badly as he does, even if it means casting your better judgment aside.

“Please.” you moan.

He takes action at your consent instantly, picking you up like you weigh nothing and dropping you on the bed.

“Soon, love, I will show you all I’ve discovered,” his voice gives you chills while the white figure pulls off your pants and underwear. “But I must start with what you already know, mm?”

You nod and close your eyes, sighing heavily as two fingers tease your clit and slowly enter you. He curls them, pulsing them in and out, his thumb circling your nerves. He does it exactly like he used to, having memorized your body in such detail that he can unravel you through this other vessel. The touches are so like him, you almost forget he’s not really here with you.

You lose yourself to him like clockwork, humming as the machine’s hands crawl up to your face.

“Shall I show you what I see now, dear?”

His fingertips glow against your forehead, and you feel a shock through your system. You suddenly feel weightless, like your cognizance is no longer tied to a physical form. You see beautiful stars and nebula surrounding you, the city you came from now looking so small.

Then you see Viktor, ethereal with his hair aglow. His face is just as it used to be, his body free of worldly constraints. He takes your face in his hands again, something electric pulsing through them.

“You must understand, love,” he says. “This is my destiny. But I would hate to have to accomplish it alone.”

He caresses your form, every stroke and squeeze feeling like another orgasm. Whatever higher being or dimension your consciousness is in now, it’s too much for your physical body to process back home. It isn’t painful, per se, but it is incredibly overstimulating—eliciting more intimate sounds from your mouth.

Your fingers grasp onto his iridescent locks, screaming in ecstasy as Viktor continues to give you sensations you never thought possible. He makes love to you among the stars, your mind filling with the visions of an astral plane and glorious evolution beyond your comprehension. He wordlessly shares his dreams and desires with you and for you—a life of healing, immortality, and ascension. Stars burst around you, and your physical body has likely gone numb, with your current form not far behind.

“Viktor...it’s too much,” you cry out.

The sensations slow down, fading out of your body as you regain your ability to think again.

“This place does have quite the effect on the mind,” Viktor explains, pulling you close to him. “The longer you stay, the less overwhelming it becomes.”

“What is it doing to me?” you ask breathlessly, falling nearly limp in his arms.

“The feeble human psyche cannot grasp the transformation that must take place, and the body suffers from such extremes,” he kisses you softly, “If you are to join me, you must find me, and together we will complete the process.”

You stare into his heavenly eyes, your thumbs tracing his cheekbones, “How do I find you?”

“The Noxian has been keeping my physical body alive. You must go to her.”

“Viktor…” you exhale, his face leaning into your palm and kissing it. “I want to stay with you. I do. I just...all of this is so far beyond what I can understand…”

“I know, darling. I know,” he reassures you, running a hand over your hair, now golden just like his.

“Something just feels so wrong,” you admit. “I don’t want us to do things we’ll regret.”

He shakes his head, “Trust me, love. This is our destiny.”

Ignoring the shrieks of your conscience, you wrap your form around him, inhaling his lips desperately as you both plunge through layers of galaxies. Every nerve in your body is blaring with pleasure, chasing the high you had moments ago. It’s addictive—the sensations experienced as a cosmic power—and you realize now how Viktor could get so consumed by it. Your bodies aren’t limited to any constraints, intertwined and becoming one in every way. You feel him everywhere, his mind and matter melded with yours.

Indescribable pleasure washes over both of you in constant, unstopping waves. You feel his every thought, the need to speak quickly diminishing.

But you still yearn to hear his voice.

“Viktor?”

“Yes, darling?” his hands never leave you, again pulling you into his magnetic essence.

“I’m going to come find you.”

A smirk pulls at his lips, his voice going low.

“I look forward to it.”

[kkoffin]

Don't you realize that male and female are social constructs? They're ideas. Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people. Gender is almost like religion, it can change, some people are really sure on theirs and others aren't, forcing someone into one is always wrong. Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not, about what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen? It was a combination of contemplating these things, and mystical experiences with the goddess Hel that got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am. You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have. I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way, and I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

I wouldn't usually respond to this kind of ask, since if begins with the premise that "sex isnt real", and I really don't bother arguing with that level of disconnect from reality, but this ask was so absurd in so many parts that I feel the need.

I want dear asker to know, this is not intended for you to reply to if your response will simply deny the existence of sex and lie about science. If you do reply with something I don't consider constructive for my blog to reply to, I will delete it, probably not read it the full way through, and spend my time on something more productive than arguing simple lies and misinformation. I only reply to this ask as it provides a brilliant example of the absurd arguments TRAs base their belief system on, and how easy it is to disprove, how truly "belief" based it is, much like a religion(/cult). + I might hyperlink it as an example of my beliefs in my pinned post at a later date.

Scientists don't even believe biological sex is a thing anymore, we're all just people.

I would love to see a source stating that majority, or even a considerable minority, even more than 1% of credible scientists globally don't "believe" in biological sex. Maybe you can find one person with a biology degree who said it, but this is simply not real. It's a ridiculous argument, and it's hardly worth wasting my time on, so I won't.

Gender is almost like religion

Sure is! We'll see more of that in a minute. I thought we stopped forcing others to participate in our religion, and calling for their deaths and trying to silence them for not being part of it and affirming our unreal beliefs in the west in like. the 1900s? Thought we knew this was a bad thing.

If gender is like a religion why on earth are you so insistent that I must believe in it? As you'll see in later paragraphs, I simply don't. I sure believe others believe in it, and force it on me, and expect things from be based on it, but I do not believe its real, as in has any basis in reality. Same way I don't believe an Abrahamic god is real, and yet if i were in some countries, I would be forced to participate and be treated a certain way because of it.

Do you know why you're cis? Do you ever think about the possibility that you're not

I'm detrans. I realized that there's nothing wrong with being a woman, and it's not something he/him pronouns in bio will change, as I will explore later.

what it would be like to be something other then what you were born as. Would you still feel like a woman if you didn't have a womb, if you didn't have breasts or genitals or estrogen?

Say, hypothetically, I were born with a penis and without a womb etc. If I still "felt like a woman" as you put it - I assume you mean if I still felt feminine, I would still wear dresses and grow my hair long. That wouldn't magically make me female. I would be a feminine man. Just as I'm currently a masculine woman. How I present myself, masculine or feminine, and how I care about how others perceive me has nothing to do with my biological sex. I present how I want, regardless of genitals, but being feminine does not make someone female, vice versa.

If you don't mean to say "feeling like a woman" is feeling feminine, then no. if I were born with a penis and without a womb, I would not "feel like a woman", because woman is not a feeling, it's a simple fact and an experience that only an adult human female can have. Men cannot "feel" like women. If I were born with a penis and XY chromosomes I could only "feel" like a man, same way a white person cannot "feel" like a POC.

mystical experiences with the goddess Hel

I'm respectful and may occasionally dabble in witchcraft/wicca/pagan stuff, but - and I cannot believe I have to say this in the year of our lord 2024. it's not the 1700s anymore, we should be past this - your "mystical experiences" do not surpass reality, a need to recognize and destroy sex-based oppression, and is not justification for pushing an ideology.

got me to realize I was agender. I thought I would lose certain things when becoming nonbinary and genderless, but I didn't. I don't know about you, but know you can be happy as an enby or a boy, you can be loved, and cherished and comforted as an enby or as a boy. I don't know if you're nonbinary like I am.

Again, I'm detrans. I tried genderfluid, I tried being a "boy", I tried being non-binary. None let me escape patriarchy, and I realized that no matter what pronouns in my bio, no matter how I cut my hair, no matter what surgeries I got or hormones I took, it would not make me not female. I realized that if I were alone in the woods, with nothing but trees and birds and rivers, It would not matter my genitals, or what clothes I wear, or anything. That scenario, alone with nature, is the only place/time women can escape patriarchy, and the moment I did, it didn't matter if I was a "girl" or a "boy". Sex is real, and is only a biological aspect of your body. It's breasts or periods or a lower internal body temperature, and although sometimes inconvenient, it doesn't matter. You talk about "forcing someone to be a certain gender", I don't force anyone into a "gender", I don't believe in gender. I think gender should be abolished. I do not have a "gender", I am female, and I am treated by patriarchy as such, as they think a female person must act a certain way. That's gender. I want my daughters and granddaughters to be free from that, thus why I pursue women's liberation.

Side note, this paragraph is so. creepy to say to a detrans person. cult-like. sorry. "you will be loved as a boy/enby" "you will be cherished" "you wont lose anything" okay yeah i'm not interested, please leave me alone now. You sound like muslim preachers in my dms telling me to reconvert.

You might find you really do identify with womanhood, but if you do really want to be a woman, then know that that's the same feeling amab women have.

As previously stated, I do not "identify" with womanhood. I experience it. I do not "want" to be a woman. I am. I don't care if I wasn't. It's only a fact about myself, again. same way POC do not "identify" with or "want" to be POC, they just are.

I know what it's like to think the way you do, I used to think that way

Very obviously, you do not, considering you keep assuming I either do or don't "identify" with being a woman. You very clearly do not understand the point behind our ideology. Gender is not real. Sex is. Again, I'm not arguing with "sex isn't real" because its so beyond stupid and anti-intellectual, and anyone who touches grass would realize that. Females carry a large, immobile gamete, men carry small, mobile gametes. these are the two sexes, and when each gametes interact with one another, we reproduce, and the baby is carried by the female. Yes, some animals have it slightly different, that doesn't mean it's not real in both them and humans. Yes, intersex people exist, they have a disorder regarding their sex development, but are still one of either sex. Yes, you can be unable to reproduce, that doesn't mean you aren't still one of either sex. None of these things disqualify the existence of two sexes being needed to reproduce in humans.

Further, women did not suffer for tens of thousands of generations for you to simply say they don't exist. To deny the existence of sex is to deny sex-based oppression. Men have known what women are for hundreds of thousands of years, and that's why we haven't been able to vote, we've been raped and sold as sex slaves, we've been told we are less intelligent, we've been genially mutilated for male pleasure, etc etc etc. I am not defining "womanhood" by our suffering, I am simply stating examples of oppression against women. These women were not treated like this because they "felt" female, or because they "identified" as female. They were abused simply because they are female. Women tried to escape it by acting like men countless times through history, and it only made men more angry, as we were leaving our "place", that being socially constructed "gender"/femininity, and we were bastardizing the male sex by acting like or pretending to be part of it. Those women did not "act like men" because they were trans, they did it to escape the oppression people of the female sex face, which you seem to love to deny.

I've had bad experiences with men and with the expectations society has for people with bodies like mine. But you don't have to take your pain and call it womanhood.

See: last paragraph

Being a woman is not defined by pain, it's defined by existence as an adult human female - the lack of a Y chromosome, or being of the sex with a large gamete. Female is only one word in that. Women are also adults, and most of all, human. That's most of the experience. Our femaleness does play a huge part on how society treats us, that's gender, and it plays a small part on our experience as a living creature. I do not mind that experience as a living creature, I do mind gender. I want to abolish it. I do not want to be treated differently to a man based on something which has no material relation to our differences.

Quite simply put, my desire to free the world of "gender" as a social construct, and my desire to fight against it overrides my (futile) desire to simply run away from it, and A) still suffer, B) leave other women behind. Pronouns, short hair, "passing" etc will not escape patriarchy. Abolish patriarchy. Abolish gender.

and sex is real.

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

CARMEN SANDIEGO? In 2024? It's more likely thank you think! Please excuse the shit quality for some reason I wasn't allowed to upload the normal pdf and I had to upload a fucking screenshot???

So my friend convinced me to watch Carmen Sandiego and since he's watching ALL of Ninjago for me I thought it was the least I could do to watch four season of a show with a pretty decent concept but uh... yeesh, don't get me wrong the show is really fun but lord have mercy does it have problems especially the last two seasons which were just so wildly disappointing to me. It went from a show with an interesting look on morals to pure pro-cop and mostly black and white thinking so quick (that not mentioning the breaking up a found family full of people with abandonment issues) it was honestly just so disappointing so me and the friend who introduced it to me decided to rewrite it! (I will not be animating nor do I plan on doing more than MAYBE a comic or art piece here and there because my chronic pain ridden ass can not handle that much lol)

The main goals are to:

1) Flesh out characters that aren't Carmen and actually give them reactions based on their lived experiences and how they might realistically react instead of what the show needed to move the plot along

2) Having characters other than Carmen be actually relevant to the plot the main one being Chase Devineaux who we're gonna kind of have as a parallel to Carmen (trust me yall) as kind of a "What if Carmen didn't have her friends/family to ground her and fall back on" but for all the Chase fans out there (gods I hope there's some other than me) he will be getting a happy ending but bro is getting put through the RINGER first

3) Have both A.C.M.E (now standing for Administration for Containing and Monitoring Evil) and V.I.L.E be the bad guys. Also just as an extra bit of fun we're making VILE a full blown cult, they were very cult like in the show so we're just gonna make it one. Both are going to be very morally questionable and while it'll take a bit longer for ACME to show it's true colors don't you worry they definitely will ;)

4) We're doing canonical lgbtq+ rep, I know the show teased a lot of relationships and really only gave yall background gays not to say thats bad but we can do better than just a brief shot of a damn taco truck. I mean like come on in a story about a young woman going against the government for the greater good why not put some rep into it ya know!

5) We're making it light sci-fi, not like SUPER high tech but definitely beyond what we've got currently, as shown with Carmen's prosthetic, and don't worry I'm doing my research as a disabled person I know how it feels to be misrepresented or ignored so I want to make sure I'm being realistic

6) PLAYER ISN'T GOING TO BE A CHILD! I don't know if this bothered anybody else but to me it was really weird that this 16 year old's only friends were in their 20s!

Alright I think that's what I'm gonna say for now, I'd love it if yall tuned in for updates if your curious since this is a passion project for me and my friend and we're having a blast writing it!

As always I am still working on stuff for Ninjago cause I could never abandon my one true love, currently there's a Pixal drawing in progress (it's giving me hell T-T) something for Cole and Geo, and something of Sora MAYBE even Euphrasia if I'm feeling up to it.

Having said that I hope yall have a great day/night and PEACE OUT!

[joejhang]

my input into the thea discourse in the aftg fandom

tw: rape, SA, abuse, violence

spoilers ahead !!! full disclosure: these are my opinions and no one is obligated to agree w me but if u don't i'm literally begging u pls explain urself properly in replies or just don't engage. it's rlly not that deep i just can't w mfs who just say shit like "ur wrong" without giving it any real thought and acting mature and explaining their opinion. if ur a hardcore thea hater/lover honestly just do the smart thing and don't even read on. thanks pooks !!!

gotta preface this by saying: i am not a thea hater. she's done a lot of things wrong that i'll go into but i don't have a strong hatred or even dislike for her. that being said i'm fully aware that if there's anything that will get the aftg fandom riled up it's thea muldani or the extra content. one of those.

first off, i'm well aware that thea is very much a victim of the nest, as much as jean or kevin. and also we don't even fully know how deeply thea was entrenched in the shit that went down in the nest, all we know is that she probably didn't abuse kevin or jean the way others did, considering how she interacts w them in tsc. one of the main criticisms i see of thea is how she "handled" the whole situation w riko and kevin and finding out all of riko's abuse. ppl didn't like her "no harm no foul" attitude re: kevin's broken hand. i get this, considering it wasn't rlly "no harm no foul" given the lasting trauma left on kevin from the incident, and also how long he spent recovering. that shit leaves a long-term impact on ppl and riko still remains kevin's abuser, and thea was wrong for considering it to be "no harm no foul" bc there was harm done. that being said, i think ppl need to be aware that the nest was very much a cult, as neil so aptly puts it. and tbh i have had very little experiences w these sort of environments but i do know that the nest's mentality likely had a long-term impact on thea asw. no matter how deep the abuse went w the other ravens, they were all still subject to the deep-rooted competition and fear that everyone experiences in the nest. idk the full extent of it, but it's pretty safe to assume that thea (given how good of a player she is) is pretty deep in all the cult mentality. this isn't an easy thing to just grow out of, and a lot of the brainwashing that went on in the nest probably stuck w thea and contributed to her responses to finding out exactly what happened to jean and kevin in the nest.

one of the things i most dislike abt thea is the whole conversation between her and jean in tsc. i appreciate that she cares about jean and sort of took him under her wing, but i feel like what rlly stuck w me abt it all was the whole "tell me you weren't up to your old tricks again" line. obv this pissed a lot of ppl off in the fandom too, so i'm just gonna say my piece briefly; thea referring to the older ravens repeatedly raping jean on riko's orders as jean's "tricks" is fucked up. she probably didn't know that jean wasn't consenting and she didn't know riko ordered it, but she did know that jean was a child at the time and can't legally give consent, and she did know that it wasn't like he fucked his way up to the top cos he's had his number from the beginning. she was an adult at the time, and should've done more to protect jean. still, it's obvious why she didn't, cos again, she was also a victim of the nest, and was definitely not in the best position to help jean. that being said, her line does imply that it was jean's choice/fault for messing around and the wording is just pretty fucked, so i'm not gonna completely absolve her of any responsibility in this convo just cos she was also a victim.

another thing i see when ppl r responding to thea criticism is referring to the criticism as victim blaming. tbf, a good amount of it probably is, but i think there are still a lot of things to criticise about her, and just dismissing it as "blaming the victim" is a disservice to the ppl trying to make a valid point. stating that the way thea responded to finding out abt riko's abuse towards jean and kevin was wrong and careless isn't victim blaming. victim blaming is, as the term suggests, blaming the victim of a situation for the situation they're in. listen. thea is not a victim of riko's abuse, at least not in the same way jean and kevin are. thea was a victim of the nest, yes, but it's pretty clear that what jean and kevin experienced was out of her hands, and not on the same level (esp jean. idk what rlly went down between kevin and riko before the hand breaking incident). at the end of the day, i think the way thea dealt w the issue of riko and his treatment of kevin and jean was thoughtless, and pretty dismissive. but it also bears remembering that there wasn't much for her to do by the time she found out. riko died shortly afterwards, kevin took his place as the best striker on the court and jean was sent to the trojans to heal and recuperate. her response could've been more...sensitive (i don't think that's the right word but we'll go with it) but still, y'all will complain, but what was she supposed to do? nora already stated that she was angry at riko, but riko died soon after and other than her anger, there was nothing else for thea to do in her response.

lastly, another argument levelled at thea is re her relationship w kevin. i actually am not sure abt their age gap (i think kevin was 15 and thea was 18 when they first met???) but i do know that their relationship didn't start properly until kevin was an adult and a player for the ravens. i really don't see the problem with this, considering three years (as far as i know, it is three years) isn't a HUGE gap in maturity and by the time they were together they were both very much consenting adults. as far as we know, thea didn't make any moves on kevin when he was a minor, and (if i'm correct) kevin being 18 and thea being 21 when they first properly started getting together isn't anything problematic. they're in similar stages of life, in a very close environment that's toxic, yes, but that they're both familiar with, and it's clear that the feelings they have for each other aren't the same as the violent, repressed sexual feelings held by some of the other ravens. they do genuinely care about each other on some emotional level, much as the fandom may want to deny it, and i don't really think there was anything wrong with their relationship re: consent and the age gap.

anyway, that's really all i have to say except that i do think thea is a complicated and honestly pretty realistic character, given the horrific circumstances she experienced in the nest. i think the fandom is well within their rights to criticise her actions but it bears remembering that she is just a human being and is never going to be perfect, and i think the way she acts is very real and true to her personality and circumstances and she makes a lot of mistakes, but that's just the human condition. it's also insane how much hate thea receives when she's honestly pretty on par with most of the other aftg characters on the moral "scale", if that even exists here. it's pretty baffling how much hate thea receives when she doesn't act all that differently to andrew, neil and kevin. it erases a lot of her complexity and does a disservice to her character (which, if you think about it, we don't know all that much about) to just label her as a purely "good" or "bad" character. aftg is not meant to be portraying conventionally "good" people, and i just think all the thea discourse is really interesting to put under a microscope and dissect.

thanks for reading and i will say it again: if u don't agree with me, that's fine, feel free to explain ur opinions and ur side of things. if ur just gonna be bitching and moaning abt how wrong i am or how much u hate/love thea, take it elsewhere. just don't engage. how easy is that??? just keep scrolling.

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

TW bipolar discussion and nonconsensual kissing, mental health discussion

So about Saturn Girl kissing Jon without his ability to consent to it: I get that she isn't actively deciding to mind control the people around her, but she does have a choice in the matter. Her family wanted her to stay home until she could control her mind control powers, but she didn't want to and left. To me that's like if I noticed I was manic (not hypomanic) and didn't go to the mental hospital... Like I can't control my bipolar but I have the choice to stay away from others when it would harm them. That's not even a good comparison though because my judgement isn't clear enough to consistently do that when I'm manic, whereas she is at baseline and is able to think rationally. I wouldn't blame someone with bipolar because they have no choice, but I'm just saying the obvious choice would be to keep yourself away from others even if it's not fun for you. I feel like I can blame her, because she has a choice.

I do sympathize with her, but I really think she's hurting others disproportionately to the distress she feels stuck at home, and that's not okay.

If you look back on the events with the knowledge that she can't turn off her mind control, you see how manipulative she is, especially to Jon, and she does high-control group tactics: love bombing, isolation, guilt tripping, not letting him have rest alone where he would have time to realize he didn't want this.

I don't like the JonDami narrative that Jon was an asshole for leaving Damian in the past or was running away from his problems, because in my view he was dragged into a cult and I can't blame him for that, especially because he was extremely vulnerable at the time. I also don't believe Jon would have left in the first place if he knew up front that he couldn't bring Damian to at least visit him.

Jon had been in a state of fight or flight for around 6 years (not just talking about the volcano because there was also his verbally abusive grandpa and their deadly adventures and being trapped in space, and then him struggling to survive on the streets and trying to find a way home after he escaped) and the first time he really got a chance to cool down was when he was talking with Damian. He really needs a long break, therapy, and medication because what he went through can't be treated with therapy alone as the stress has chemical effects in the brain that need to be adjusted.

The writers don't care about how Jon should be extremely hypervigilant and defensive and anxious. I guess that's just not brave enough for a superhero, nevermind that leaving the house and getting treatment for these things, learning to trust again, and letting people help you is so much braver than punching guys when you have superpowers. It's natural to fight when your fight or flight is activated in a protective manner, but doing the logical thing when every signal in your body is telling you not to is really damn hard. The only coward is DC for giving Jon trauma and not actually writing a traumatized character.

That all being said, Damian clearly doesn't see how Jon is being manipulated, probably because his head is full of self hatred & doubting & repressed desires to ask Jon to stay, and thinks he needs to go against his abandonment trauma by swinging the pendulum too far in the opposite direction in his speech. With his c-ptsd and abandonment issues I can see him becoming bitter towards Jon for going to the future.

That could make for a really complex fanfiction, don't you think? The conflict coming from their unique life experiences and traumas, and them learning to understand each other like they're always doing. This misunderstanding of intentions born not out of something dumb like hearing the wrong thing or being unclear in language, but from their different points of view.

My jondami au where Jon leaves the legion early is calling me lmao "Isaac we have more problems for you to fix~"

That being said I have no exclusivity to these ideas for writing.

[quadrantadvisor]

DP X Dirk Gently

Prompt: Bleeding out in an alleyway

Words: 1,318

On AO3

-

“Do you think this is part of a case?” Dirk shouted.

“What?” Todd shouted back, pushing his legs to just move, keep moving. The sounds of the fucking lasers being shot at them continued, as well as the angry voices of the men in the white suits. The two of them turned a corner, and Todd’s lungs burned as he pushed himself just a little more.

“I said, do you thi— whoa!” Todd cut Dirk off by grabbing his jacket and manhandling him through what looked like the back door of a restaurant, miraculously propped open by a brick. Todd kicked the brick out of the way, making the door click shut.

“I heard what you said,” Todd hissed, trying to keep himself quiet. “First off, why are you asking me? I’m not the holistic detective. Second off, you are the holistic detective! When has anything that ever happened to you not been part of a case?”

Dirk opened his mouth, then seemed to think for a moment. “What exactly are we counting as a case? Because some of my life experiences could be a bit debatable—”

“Hey, you can’t just come in here,” said a man in an apron, entering the room with a full garbage bag in hand. He looked pretty angry, all things considered.

“Sorry, sir,” Todd told him. “We’re leaving, but uh, can we head out a different exit? We would really appreciate it, there were some people chasing us. We’re really not trying to cause trouble-”

“Todd!,” Dirk whispered, hushed and urgent, “They’re right outside.”

“I get it,” the cook was saying, “but you can’t just barge in wherever—”

“—lost track of the subject—” Todd caught from just past the door. Dirk pressed his ear against the crack, listening.

“It’s a safety issue, I don’t know who you are—”

“—failed to tag the suspicious individuals at the scene—”

“Not to mention the health risk, there’s food stored back here—”

“—evidence of overshadowing—”

“Right!” Todd said, once again bodily grabbing his friend. “We’ll get out of your hair, won’t happen again, but we need to go right now.” Todd looked at Dirk, shaking him just a bit in emphasis.

“Yes, we’ll just be on our way,” Dirk agreed. “Sorry about my friend here,” he told the cook, tone conspiratorial. “He can be a bit dense. I’ll keep him out of trouble.” He patted Todd on the shoulder.

“Make sure you do,” the cook agreed. “There’s an employee entrance down the hall this way, I’ll let you out there.

-

“So,” Dirk said, kicking a rock down the street, “another cult, do you think?”

“I dunno,” Todd replied. “Could be, but their outfits looked more like uniforms to me.”

“You’re right, another cult would be a bit dull,” Dirk mused. “But then, shadowy government organizations have been a dime a dozen, haven’t they?”

“You do remember where you left the car, right?” Todd asked.

Dirk scoffed. “Of course I do!”

“Because it feels a little bit like we’re wandering aimlessly.”

“You’re going to feel silly in a moment, because it’s just down this way.”

“You’re sure.”

“Either that, or a clue!”

Todd sighed. Dirk turned into an alley. Todd was following him, but stopped when he stepped in a puddle. A puddle of something bright green, with a trail of it leading right where Dirk was going.

“Uh, Dirk, I don’t think that’s it,” Todd called.

“That’s where you’re wrong!” Dirk called back, tone oddly strangled.

Todd had a minor panic and sped around the corner, nearly crashing into Dirk.

It turned out that Dirk was wrong. They’d found the car and a clue.

If anything with that much blood could be considered a clue.

Tucked up between the car and the alley wall was a body, someone dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with dark hair. Their front was completely soaked in red. Todd swore, did a quick sweep of their surroundings for anything dangerous, then jogged to the figure’s side. Dirk got distracted by the green footprints Todd left.

“No pulse,” Todd said, heart dropping. “And he’s cold.” Of course he was, no one could survive losing that much blood. Closer up, Todd could see that he was just a kid.

Dirk’s head popped up from where he was examining the trails over the asphalt, bright unnatural green that transitioned into red. “So it is a case!”

“Can you have some sensitivity Dirk, what this is is a corpse,” Todd said.

“mmmmmmuh…?” the corpse said.

“AH!” Dirk and Todd both screamed.

Dirk recovered fastest, walking up to nudge Todd where he’d jumped up and away from the body. “A really interesting case!” he enthused. “Now, take off your shirt.”

“What?”

“Our new friend needs immediate first aid, and I don’t want to ruin mine,” Dirk said, pouting a bit as he displayed the Mexican Funeral shirt that Todd had gifted him.

“Fine,” Todd complied, stripping off his layers. “I’m still just freaking out that I never found his pulse,” he added, muffled by a shirt over his face.

“Hi there!” Dirk said to the boy, kneeling down to eye level. “My name’s Dirk, and I’m a detective. This is my friendsistent, Todd. We’re here to help, alright?”

The boy’s eyes cracked open, and one of his hands twitched. A wheeze came through slightly parted lips, before he slumped back down again.

“Here,” Todd said, holding out his shirt.

“What, me?” Dirk asked. “I don’t know any first aid.”

Todd huffed. “Whatever, just-”

“-signature’s getting close,” said a voice from the end of the alley, and Todd shut up quick so he could hear the tromp of polished dress shoes.

“Grab him, get in the car, get in the car, now,” Todd ordered under his breath, and Dirk rushed to comply, forgetting that he was smearing blood all over his precious, precious shirt. He laid out the boy in the back seat, realizing belatedly that there wasn’t any room left for him, and Todd was already starting to peel away. He scrunched down into the foot well, using his body as a brace to keep the kid from rolling. While he was at it, he balled up Todd’s sacrificed shirt and placed it under the kid’s head as a pillow.

The car rocked with an impact, and Dirk looked up to see that the hood was smoking slightly from whatever sort of gun those guys in white were packing. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit,” Todd was chanting as he floored the pedal, picking up as much speed as he could in the limited space and headed straight towards a real human being who was shooting at him.

The man dodged the car at the last second, firing a few more shots into their bumper, but fortunately missing the tire. Dirk craned up to look out the back, catching a glimpse of him speaking into a communicator on his wrist before he was out of sight.

“Why are they after us?” Todd cried out. “What on Earth did we do​?”

“More importantly, we have a boy now—who may in fact be dying, kind of up in the air at this point,” Dirk pointed out.

“We should’ve just left him there, called the cops, something. Now he’s all mixed up in this mess with us.”

“Todd,” Dirk admonished, “he’s already involved.”

“Oh, and you know that, do you?” Todd snarked.

“That is how it works, yes,” Dirk replied, tone a little distant as he looked over their new charge.

“Right,” Todd sighed. “Well, I don’t know how some half dead teenager is possibly connected to those shady dudes in suits, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Of course we will!” Dirk replied.

“’Cause we’re great at it.”

“Oh, undoubtedly,” Dirk confirmed.

“After we buy a first aid kit.”

“Good idea.”

“And call Farah.”

“That too.”

[khaire-traveler]

I know many who believe the gods walk amongst us doing human things, experiencing human stuff and gadgets and even human romances. In that regard, what are your thoughts on modern day demi-gods?

Khaire! Now THIS is a question right here!

Let's start this off with a statement of sorts, since this is likely to be a sensitive topic for some and isn't often discussed within the wider community. Throughout my practice, I've been told by various people that they're demi-gods (or full gods). I've even been told that I am a demi-god - a statement I find no truth in. Having experience with these individuals, I can confidently say that not all of them have malicious intent. Some definitely do, don't get me wrong, but many of them aren't intentionally trying to cause harm. Some people believe these things due to factors outside of their control, while others simply believe it to believe it. I'm not going to sit here and say that someone's practice is wrong for believing such things about themselves or others, but in my own practice, they aren't true, and such beliefs can cause real harm. I have directly experienced it several times myself.

Someone must acknowledge the harm these beliefs can cause before openly sharing them. I consistently hear some of these people tell me how they feel ostracized when expressing these beliefs, but they often don't realize the actual harm it can cause and has caused (not an excuse to ostracize someone, though). There are good reasons these sorts of beliefs have a stigma around them, be it cult behaviors, manipulation, or abuse - all potential consequences of these beliefs. People will always be off-put by them, and those who hold these beliefs must understand that it has nothing to do with them personally and everything to do with what these beliefs have often led to for people in the past.

With that out of the way, I'll give my actual opinion on this lol. The short and sweet answer is no, I don't believe in modern demi-gods. Maybe people can be born with a piece of divinity in them from a divine parent, but in my opinion, I don't think it happens from a god having sex with a human. If it is something that happens, it's likely more complex than that.

Just as mythology explained natural phenomena in ways that made sense to people, I feel it explained divinity similarly at times. The only form of reproduction we really knew at the time was two creatures coming together to make another. If gods ever were to reproduce with mortals, there's probably some secret third thing added into the mix to actually make that happen.

But in all honesty, I don't think that will happen, and I don't believe it actually ever has. There are demi-gods in the myths, yes, but even within the community, there is an often shared sentiment not to take myths literally. "Don't take Zeus transforming into a swam and having sex with a woman literally" "Don't take Hera coming after Zeus' kids literally" "Don't take Hermes turning a woman into a statue literally". I've seen many angry and exhausted answered asks, shared posts, and comments about how this or that person is a fool for taking the myth literally, yet there are things we take literally inherently as worshippers. "Apollo is a god of oracles" "Artemis is a goddess of hunting" "Hermes has a caduceus" - these are all things taken from myth (and historical practices that are based on myth). So, when does the line get crossed for what should and shouldn't be literal? Where does the line blur completely? These are questions we need to answer, either as a community or as individuals, before we can truly address the topic of modern demi-gods in a palatable way.

The way that I've interpreted things, though, is that there aren't any modern demi-gods. Maybe there weren't even ancient ones. I think myths are stories, often with a moral related to the way the world works, a lesson to be learned, or a depiction of a god's characteristics. Heracles very well could've been a demi-god before becoming a god in real life, but that opens up a slew of other questions, such as "How is a demi-god made?" and "What defines someone as a demi-god?" To clarify, this doesn't mean I don't believe in the demi-gods who have become gods - hell, I believe in mortals who were said to have been deified - but I'm just not sure that gods and mortals can reproduce because at the end of the day, what even is a god? Does we even know the answer to that question? Gods are some kind of spiritual beings, sure, but what exactly does the entail? Do they even have the ability to reproduce at all? Can we even relate such terms as "reproduction" to a god in general? There's actually a lot of information we don't have to be able to answer questions such as "Do demi-gods exist now? Have they ever existed?"

Throughout ancient history, we see many leaders and notable people described as demi-gods. Were they really? I suppose I can't truthfully say, but historians believe it was for political gain (which was the case in ancient Rome) or in order to emphasize how good someone was at a particular thing ("this guy was such a great thief because he was a son of Hermes"). I choose to agree with historians here: maybe "demi-god" was more of a descriptor used for how talented someone was or to make people more inclined to follow their lead. I don't think "demi-god" is a state being so much as it is a description or title.

Also, forgot to mention this, but I wouldn't be surprised if gods do walk amongst us at times. I know I've had experiences where I've been like, "Wow, the timing of that person being there EXACTLY when I needed them was really weird". Unrelated to the whole essay I just wrote you lol, but I feel it's important that I clarify that I do still believe things like that. I think gods can manifest in a multitude of ways and even in endless forms. We can happen upon them at any time. Maybe the stranger who smiled at you on a hard day was Aphrodite in disguise or maybe the man who gave you directions was Hermes helping you out. I feel that gods sometimes speak through people as well, often unintentionally on the person's part. This is, of course, a whole topic in and of itself, so I won't get further into it.

Ok, this is all I can actively think of right now lol. I hope it was comprehensive and isn't a pain to read. I know I kind of jumped around with my explanations and opinions, but hopefully that doesn't detract from what I've said. Thank you for asking, Austin; I really appreciate it. Take care! :) <3

[creature-wizard]

Hi, literally just found your blog. I learned about LOA last year and, as someone already practicing a form of spirituality, took some of the good tip of the iceberg stuff and (mostly) forgot about it for about a year. I got back into it recently to revisit everything and see if there's anything that works for me that I can/want to add to my practice, so I decided to actually interact with the community for the first time. I did for about a week or two. After a few posts/comments I saw and engaged with, I thought, "Boy, this is starting to sound like a cult." As someone into spirituality who still has their head screwed on, I try to see the balance in things. Sometimes, I fuck up and I'm wrong about something. They don't feel the same way. I have seen an abundance of victim blaming, reality denial, and delusion. They basically all sit in this metaphorical circle and collectively gaslight each other. "Sure, you can bring family back from the dead, it's just that we have limiting beliefs around death, so it might not work. Sure, you can have this house tomorrow. Actually, if this didn't work- check your limiting beliefs (it's all your fault if this doesn't work. We're limitless). You can absolutely get access to the person who doesn't want to sleep with you. They want you, duh, it's done. Of course you can change this man's sexuality and have him want to be with you. He's your SP. Free will? Oh, don't worry about it. No one can manifest YOU without your consent (except when they do) because that's not YOUR reality." But also, "I mean, I can't give you proof, cause I'd witness it in my reality, but maybe you wouldn't in yours." Convenient. No matter what, they're right because they say so. I disagree? I don't get it, I should read NG's stuff to understand better. Hear me out, some of this can absolutely be helping people on a spiritual and psychological level, but in moderation. Something needs to be said about the toxic positivity, blind following, and comple gaslighting and delusion happening in this community. The way they respond to criticism feels so sinister to me. It's weird. I feel like it's easy for a lot of people who are desperate as a result of their circumstances or have trauma/poor self seem to get stuck there. It kind of reminds me of the whole "You were awful in a past life, so now this happened to you. There's no good or bad, just how you perceive it" in response to someone talking about their trauma. I believe in reincarnation, but this is an unhinged thing to say. LOA folks do the same, only you "manifested" it. Disagreeing with them and trying to have a discussion is just you going around in circles. It was a ridiculous experience.

Yup, it's victim-blaming and wild irrationality all the way down, and all for what? Belonging to a social circle full of the most toxic assholes you could possibly hope to meet on this site?

(Also it's not technically delusion, since that's an actual symptom of certain mental disorders. It's just regular cult irrationality.)

[scoobydoodean]

(4.10)

Was looking at this little bit for my #heaven is a cult tag, but noticed while I was here, that Dean immediately mentions pain and guilt and immediately thought of Dean's speech to Cas in 4.22, but with Dean now on Anna's side, saying these negative feelings are worth it.

From 4.22:

CASTIEL What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam. DEAN You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise

Back in 4.10, Dean is in a particularly troubled spot. His trauma from hell is really catching up to him. It's at the end of this episode that Dean says:

DEAN How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.

He's wishing he was like an angel—wishing he didn't have to deal with all the pain and guilt he feels. Wishing he could be the cold marble statue Anna described. But sometime between 4.10 and 4.22, Dean realizes that he doesn't want to be that at all. He realizes Anna is right. Removing ones pain and guilt isn't worth everything else you give up with it.

Crucially, what Anna is describing here—as I've said before—is brainwashing. Angels have their emotions controlled and buried under threat of punishment if they dare feel too much or disobey. Angels are perfectly capable of experiencing the full emotional range. Anna didn't fall because being an angel is physically incompatable with the full rage of emotion humans experience—she fell because heaven's iron grip around the throats of all angels is incompatible with the full range of human and angel emotion.

One of the reasons what Dean says to Cas in 4.22 is so effective in convincing Cas to follow his convictions is that Dean's experience is central to Cas's doubts. The first time Cas considered disobedience—his demotion in 4.16—was a a result of him not wanting to make Dean torture again, knowing how it would harm Dean emotionally to do that. So hearing Dean vehemently reject Cas's desire to shield him negative emotions through false paradise is important in of itself.

Crucially though, Dean's words invoke the angelic experience. Dean's words invoke Anna's fall—Anna who seems to have been an important force in Cas's life. She's who he turns to in 4.16 when he first starts to really consider disobedience. In 4.10, she mocks his stilted, reserved, empty apology, telling him he's never really let himself feel, while pulling Dean into a kiss. She told Cas in 4.16 that "it gets worse"—feeling does. But Anna still thinks it's worth it.

So Dean and Cas are talking about false paradise in 4.22 and how it's wrong for Sam and Dean... but they're also talking about what it means to be an angel at the same time, within the strict cult environment heaven has created. Dean, someone Cas knows has been through tremendous guilt and pain—reiterates Anna's words—that allowing yourself to experience the full breadth of the emotional range with all the good and the bad is better than a life without pain and guilt and confusion where you trade in your feelings and your conscience at the door and turn your life over to someone else—swept along by the will of higher powers.

CASTIEL I'm considering disobedience. ANNA Good. CASTIEL No, it isn't. For the first time, I feel... ANNA It gets worse. Choosing your own course of action is confusing, terrifying. [...] CASTIEL Anna. I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do. ANNA Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself.

(4.16)

[0xeyedaisy]

Tragibox 2 Electric Boogaloo All Polos is here, so here's my reaction, cuz why not :3 Long post ahead (cw for blood and gore cuz it's a bit more detailed this time around, which makes me think that this version will get taken down at least once)

I love this, they literally performed a heart surgery on a wrong person AND failed at it, the most competent hospital ever

This is so funny, I need to know who this beautiful person is, can I get their number

What a 16 y/o could possibly do to deserve this? Be cringe on the internet???? (I mean, considering what they did to Kaski, I guess the cult does just not like cringey kids) Also, Dave keeping this guy as a replacement for his antique clock??? Just get a new one

Hi Sarah 🥰

There he is, our little fucked up guy!!! Looking very slay, love his earrings, also he owns some company/hospital now? Who even let this guy near a hospital, and he has a tumor too? Cool

Who let a person with a shotgun into the hospital??? Dave you need to get it together, man, get better security or something

This one's just funny

Oh? A clone?

He forgor

Got nothing to say abt this guy, he's alright (He does look like Melody 1 (aka Stanlee or Stannley), but I don't think they are supposed to be the same person)

This one's interesting

Unfortunately, uncovering the text doesn't give us much, I'm assuming that they do some kind of expirements on this guy, and he's okay with it? Idk Also (from the orin ayo lore doc)

Cratz!!!! I feel bad for him, the guy is not having a good time, also Box of Four is Lilac's band! He was a fun of hers, aw <:]

Another clone! First one at that! I'm assuming Dave is doing this cuz of his brain tumor, but like, what is his goal exactly? To just clone himself and when the og Dave croaks the clone can live out his legacy? Perhaps he's trying to find a cure for the tumor by experimenting on clones? Is he trying to transplant his memories and conscious into a new body??? Who knows, ALso to me this clone is alive and well, he just got neck problems now, cuz I'm pretty sure it's him in the thumbnail

He just can't get the teeth right

Oh Worm?

Rip to this guy I guess

Hello ��

Seems like this kid had something to do with why Dave left the cult, wonder what he did/say to convince Dave to quit, and also why does he look like that? Like, did the cult do that to him orrrr....?

And the last one, another clone! You're perfect to me bbgril <3

And that's it folks, this was quite a fun and funny read, can't wait to see what the full mod will sound and look like 👍👍👍

[skyler10fic]

Some day, the forecasters say, it will be my turn.

Not today, not yet, but with just one flame to start, I will be where you are.

I will be packing and driving and panicking about where to go.

They say they hate it when people want to get to know them. They say that it's annoying to deal with people who ask questions, messages pile up unanswered as obnoxious tasks to avoid, and they don't want to add obligations like relationships with people to their list. Their coworkers are so dumb for wanting to be friends, and they avoid group activities and casual social interactions. I feel it too, the drain when someone wants an hour or three of my free time to do something out of my comfortable home. The apps are hopeless and the events are pathetic to attend alone. Anyone who approaches a stranger at a social gathering or community event must be crazy or selling something or worthless. The most taboo, hated thing you can do is try to find friends in offline life. If you don't have them already, ideally along with healthy nearby family and a marriage, you must be broken or wrong or toxic.

Where will I go when it is my turn? When the power goes out for days. When I am told to run for my life as traffic stalls. When the smoke or water or cold or heat or pollution or drought drive me out. When I go to empty stores or empty gas stations. When the hotels are full or draining my savings and the insurance laughs in my face. When the medical emergency comes. When I find myself in need.

My therapist tells me I have to believe that I am worth knowing, that people are out there who will not consider it just desserts when I am hurting, who will help instead of press on my pain to take advantage, who will notice I exist as more than a tool or teacher or entertainer. Who will not recoil in disgust if I don't know an answer or have a perfect solution or slip in my duty as the one who has it all together for them, despite prior experience to the contrary. There are, somewhere, people who are neither too far away nor too far from my values of empathy and love and care. My therapist tells me it's trauma, years and years of it, over and over, and not the default state of the world to be only able to find the entirely self-absorbed and ignorant, the ghosts and villains, the manipulators and gaslight igniters and cheap thrill seekers and opportunists in friend-drag. My therapist tells me it's the finding, the seeking, the trying again, that will help and I will see.

Who will be there, there in driving distance to come, to go to, to meet halfway, to bring to and to deliver to. Who is more concerned with compassion than blame, with kindness than "should"s and "why don't you just" and "that's not my problem, but good luck elsewhere." Who will see my desperate need and fear and pain and not counter with their defenses and excuses and loopholes and "I've never understood why you keep following me around" and "I am busy with my real friends" and "why are you telling me this."

I am so tired.

When the evacuation order comes, I pray the GPS works. I pray that an interstate will eventually guide me to a hotel. I pray the hundreds and thousands of insurance dollars will matter. I pray the emergency responders and healthcare workers will be kind. I pray the batteries are charged and last. I pray someone in power will do what's right and I find the right social media post of links to resources by sheer chance and I get a response from my company about what to do with my work hours when I am living out of a go bag.

It will come to you too. The fire in winter, the hurricane in the inland mountains, the tornado in the city, the flood in the desert, the pollution in the rural sky, the earthquake in the unlikely location. That's the world the most powerful countries are voting to build. The majority of their populations cheer the death cult, assuming it only hits the deserving and the righteous will be spared. Or perhaps when it does hit them, it will be further proof they were right to conspire and whisper and lie.

The time to prevent this was long ago, and the preparation for the inevitable is here.

Where will you go? Who will you go to?

When there are no ways to find anyone who is safe, only the abled can run away, and money is the only answer, the question lingers in the air.

[wellcometothefuckhouse]

A victim of Jesta's reached out to me about their experiences with Jesta. For the sake of privacy they are staying anonymous

Here's another post on callout Jesta here. While it's old it's important to read. You can find more on Jesta's behavior here, @projectcallout, @fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo, @cawfeecakes, @daisyreports, @trustedmutual, @rpcsafcty, @crispyrepellent and if there's any other blog I'm forgetting leave it in the comments.

Jesta this shit is fucking rich coming from someone who pushes past people's boundaries, stalks, shit talks, and block evades all the fucking time! But hey it's rules apply to thee and not to me right :^)

I said it before and I'll say it again, you hate Berry so much, Jesta you are no fucking better then Berry! But hey at least you don't doxx people or hex them so that's something I guess. 🫠

You cry bully all the time WHEN YOU ARE IN THE FUCKING WRONG! Jesta I'm sorry you took the fall for that twitter, and I'm sorry about your past experiences with Aku. I truly honestly am HOWEVER JUST BEACUSE YOU WERE HURT DOESN'T GIVE YOU AN EXSCUSE TO HURT OTHERS IN THE WAYS YOU HAVE!

Honestly I'm glad you're RPing on bluesky now. It was clear that Tumblr was bad for you. However, do they really know the full context of your posts complaining about tumblr? I sincerely hope you treat the people on blusky far better then the piss poor way you treated people here! No one deserves to be talked about and treated the way you've treated other people!

Jesta GET FUCKING HELP! FOR YOUR SAKE AND FOR OTHERS SAKE! BEING THIS SPITEFUL AND PETTY ISN'T FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU!

Having a DNI is fine, setting boundaries is fine, blocking people is fine. HOWEVER LYING ABOUT PEOPLE BEHIND THEIR BACKS, NAME DROPPING THEM AT THE TIP OF A HAT, HARASSING, BLOCK EVADING, AND STALKING ISN'T! Jesta that's fucking creepy. You know it's creepy! Block people and leave it at that. The only time you should keep tabs on people is to block their new url BUT THAT’S IT! The behavior you've continued to show is gross. You treat people who've even slightly wronged you like absolute shit and you're still continuing to do so!!

I wish you no ill will but I sure as hell am not forgiving you either! I genuinely hope you change and grow.

At this point I don't even want an apology from you, I don't want anything but for you to leave the people you've hurt alone and keep their names out of your mouth! They deserve to have peace. It's fine you don't trust me, beacuse after the behavior you've still continued to show I don't trust you. I don't know what I ever did to convince you I'm a "lying bullying brain washing cult leader" but it's gross! You're tired of being "manipulated" and "brainwashed", well guess what I'm tired of being manipulated and lied about! Everybody who's delt with you is!! You've made it very fucking clear no matter what I or anyone else says to you, you're just gonna lie and twist things to make yourself look like the victim!

If this many people are coming out of the woodwork to say their issues with your behavior THEN MY GUY THAT’S ON YOU! You sure weren't "anti drama" when it came to Aku, Star, Stols, Berry, and Legand, or the fuck up I had with blockcurio that I still feel bad about! You're only "anti drama" when you or one of your friends are on the other fucking end of it! You complain about "bias" but you're a fucking hypocrite through and through!

I don't want anything to do with you ever again block me and keep me blocked. Again the only thing I want is for you to genuinely apologize to those you've hurt and continue to hurt and leave them alone!

Anyways this is gonna be my last post as someone who's a member of the callout community. I'm gald I could help people but honestly all of this has taken a toll on me along with other stuff I've been dealing with IRL. I just wanna go to my RP blog at this point and do my own thing in peace. The most I'm gonna do after this point is reblog a post I promised someone I'd reblog after they're done making it. (It's not on Jesta btw)

Don't let anyone make you feel powerless to speak out! Especially someone like Jesta, and the rest that's been covered. Your experiences and feelings matter so much. You deserve to have a safe platform to speak out! Don't let the "anti drama" crowd make you feel bad about that! Even though I'm not here anymore the blogs I've listed will be more then happy to help you! No matter what, you aren't alone. The tumblr rpc isn't some irredeemable trash fire, it just needs work on making things better. No one should take a hobby you enjoy away from you beacuse they have some parasocial beef with you! Don't be afraid to set boundaries, talk with people, block whoever you need too, ect. You don't owe anyone anything especially those who preach about communication and their boundaries, but will be more then happy to push past your boundaries without any communication from them.

As for you Jesta, I know you stalk this blog! You gave that away when you liked my post on Berry. You're 30 act like it! Stop acting like a god danm 5th grader AND TAKE ACCOUNTABLITY! LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE!!

Anyways I'm out good bye and farewell. Please stay safe and don't let anyone make you feel like you're voiceless

Good bye for good

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

Fandom: DC Titans

Title: Acrida

Pairings/Relationships: Dick Grayson & Rachel Roth, Dick Grayson & Donna Troy, Graysonfam, Dickkory

Summary:

The Acrida Protocol, a plan created by the Justice League, required its members to provide immediate aid to those superheroes who would call upon it, especially in the case of time travel.

After a mission gone wrong, Dick and Donna find themselves stranded in 2005. They've been trained for this scenario, they know what to do, they just need to find someone who will fix their time-travel devices and help them get home.

But not before they help a young nurse and a special baby escape a demonic cult chasing them and get to the sanctuary of a convent in Ohio.

This note is long so bear with me

Throughout the process of writing this story, I've had (still have) many complicated, conflicted feelings. And with the show coming to an end, I'll be honest with you. This fic... I almost didn't release it. In fact, there were a couple of times when I almost deleted the whole thing - I'm glad I didn't but I was pretty damn close. Because every time in the recent months when I sat down to write it, I heard this intrusive voice in my head saying "Why the fuck do you even bother? This is not Dickkory, no one's gonna give a shit. Don't waste your time." So I'd close the blank page and let it lay dormant for months until that miniscule spark of hope would tell me it's actually worth it to finish it.

There's a saying about fanfiction that you write it for yourself. For the things you love. And that's true - but there's much more to it. You write it so you can reach others who love the same thing you do, whether it'd be one person or a thousand. But when you see how slowly, that one or a thousand dissipates, already one foot out the door with their focus elsewhere, when the weight on your shoulders gets heavier because you create create create without the ability to for once consume because you come to a pretty scary realization that if it wasn't for you creating, there would be no new fan content for this thing to consume - because no one else is creating, the ao3 tag is dry as hell because no one else but you is writing for this thing anymore, no one else seems to care enough to do so. The whole experience was and still is really alienating and it took me some time to process it, took spilling my guts to the closest people I have within this fandom to actually come to terms with it and start letting it go.

So, this one is for me. A self pat on the back. You did good, you gave your heart and soul to it, it's time to go now. It's me quietly leaving the room full of people turned the other way, busy shouting profanities at a show they love so much because they didn't quite get what they wanted. That's fine. Valid. My heart breaks for you, truly and I wish I could do something about it but unfortunately, I can't. And I understand the frustration, I didn't quite get what I wanted either. A month or two ago I would've been shouting profanities and throwing tomatoes as well. But a wise woman and a dear friend once told me: you gotta remember what house you're in. So, I'm taking what I got and take my leave. Leaving this behind in hopes that maybe, if you decide to read it, it will at the very least help you get your mind off the swirl of emotion in your heart, even if just for a moment.

I'm not going to pretend it's some epic, amazing story. It's an idea that got rooted in my brain right after season 1 (so it's been growing there for 4 years), a tiny seed with nothing but a blurry concept and no details. I tried to commit to it, give it a good plot and I can say that what I came up with isn't that bad. But it's not elaborate, it's just one giant excuse for me to give Dick Grayson a chance to get to know his adopted daughter when she was just a tiny baby, to get to hold her and care for her and play with her, and have a myriad of complicated feelings about the whole experience.

Maybe it's my last Titans fic, maybe it isn't. Time will tell. There's still one Titans-related project I am actually, truly excited about, the sequel we promised and I know it will happen because the story is too precious to me, to us, to not see it through. But other than that... you can catch me over at The Last of Us side of AO3 from now on. Here, I guess it's lights out.

Chapters dropping whenever. I'll try to do it weekly, I have 4 chapters done, probably out of 5 or 6, but I'm still writing and at first I planned to not post anything until the story is finished but tbh I need to get it out of my system. Release it for the world to claim it. There was an option to wait until it's done and just drop the whole thing at once but... fuck it. It's out when it's out. I know I must sound defeated to you, and to some degree I am. But I'm also letting go of all these negative emotions by starting to release this story so I can enjoy the series finale with no heavy weight on my heart, shed some tears of joy instead of sadness or frustration as I say goodbye to my favorite fictional family and go celebrate an incredible run of an incredible show with my closest fandom friends. And I do love this story, I actually wrote some things today that I'm really happy about and excited to share, and I hope that you, if you decide to read it, will love it as well.

I'm not tagging anyone, here at least. I'll share it separately with the people I care about and let them decide what to do with it. If you find it, you decide to read it - great, good to see you, take a seat and enjoy the ride. Hit that subscribe button on AO3 if you want to follow or if you really want to be tagged here, let me know so I can start from chapter 2. If not, well, let's just let it get buried, maybe someone will find it someday.

All that's left for me to do is write a little bit more to finish this story and properly catch up on the fics from my friends, which is a slow process, I know, but I'm getting there.

As always, enjoy.

[fantasyinvader]

And, before anyone says anything, my problems with the TLoU2's story are based around 3 key areas:

1) The retcons of the original game in order to facilitate TLoU2. I get that Neil saw things differently, but that wasn't the story told by the first game. Neil is altering not just his own work, but the work and contributions of other members of the original team to justify his view of the story. He wants to make himself out to be the sole mind behind the story, and I feel this is disrespectful especially since Ellie and Joel's stories were supposed to be done after the first game. They even did a live event to say goodbye to them!

2) I feel that when Neil Druckmann talks about how tribalism is bad, how there's two sides to every story and all that cycle of revenge stuff then talks about how Abby's ending is meant to say that there's hope for her, I feel like he's just undermined his own point. Abby, in my eyes, exemplifies the things the game is speaking out again.

a) She turns on her old allies, the fascist WLF, not out of moral opposition to them attempting to genocide the Scars but because she identified Lev and his sister being like her. She calls Lev, her people, and in the end takes Lev from Seattle to California to try and rejoin the Fireflies, the terrorist organization that raised her.

b) She treats Joel as the bad guy for killing her father, understandable when you take into consideration her age and her being a child soldier. She had to use the power of hatred, reminding herself of what Joel did, to kill him after Joel saved her life, and she pointed a gun at a disarmed Ellie when she learned why Joel killed her father while acting like just because Abby let Ellie live before (after seeing Abby violently murder Joel after torturing him) Ellie should have just let her be. It's a complete lack of self-awareness from, again, an ex-child soldier indoctrinated by her father in believing she's the good guy no matter what she does to win.

c) Abby spares Ellie at Lev's insistence in Seattle, but her survival comes from Ellie coming after her again. If Ellie hadn't followed her to California, Abby would have died tied to a stake after being recaptured by slavers when she tried to escape. Abby was willing to leave the people there to suffer if she and Lev could get out, again tribalism, whereas the slaves were kept right next to where they stored the weapons. Abby could have freed people, but instead it nearly caused her to die and she only lived because Ellie didn't break the cycle.

I've heard the original ending would have featured Ellie killing Abby only for it not to make things better, and if that had been the case I feel it would have worked far better. Game would not have been as hypocritical.

3) I really get pissed at how Lev was used. Lev is trans and escaped from his cult when he wanted to be a warrior rather than an elder's wife. The cult is based on an island, and is compared to the Fireflies a couple of times in the story. Abby takes Lev to join the Fireflies, becoming a child soldier for them at their island base. Lev's story goes full circle, escaping exploitation from one group of fanatics only to be delivered to another for a different type of exploitation, and the game doesn't see anything wrong with this. It's meant to say there's hope… FOR ABBY. Lev's entire story is to benefit Abby's story regardless of the implications, and again I feel this could have been fixed with the original ending.

That's my issues with TLoU2. I can make death of the author readings of the game, I've done that before because I feel there is a good story somewhere in there, but the intended morals snuff it out. The game still plays great and if the rogue-like mode added to the new version was available for my PS4 copy I would still have the thing installed, but the hypocritical story that creates such dissonance between what it shows and what it wants to say, that destroys the experience for me.