#It didn't hit the way I'd wanted it to
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Either the Dunning-Kruger effect is real, or I'm getting worse at writing... But it's probably the latter, right? 😅
#Idk man I liked that last thing fair enough#But also ehhhhhh#It didn't hit the way I'd wanted it to#And like that's fine it was only a quick evening thing I didn't less than three hours on it easily#But reading it back I guess I just felt like it should have been better?#Sorry putting this in the tags so you really don't have to read about my own insecurities XD#If you're still here it's your own fault :p#Okay and now we're in danger of Andi being so tired she's lost her filter it seems#Welp better go before I embarrass myself byyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 💣💤
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decided to play the whole game again w nawen bc now I got her a fleshed out backstory + character development + most importantly. mods for pretty clothes
#I mean I had them by the end of the game but now I have them at the start#looking pretty at the start just hits different#bg3#oc.nawen#sleep.txt#also this is ciri's outfit in different colors but it just really fits her story-wise and I'm feeling my feelings#I'm getting immersed I'm roleplaying I'm in the zone#bc like. just prior to this she had a rlly important position in the shadow thieves#and she was in baldur's gate on a mission to take control over the city's criminal operations for them and especially#to take the place of nine fingers keene#but behind the guild's back ofc. bc how else would they do this#she didn't exactly want to do it for a variety of reasons but what she wanted never mattered anyway#so she tried and made her move but. she failed#she got caught and attacked and barely escaped#she ended up crawling into a cave near the city to tend to her wounds#and it's right after that that she gets kidnapped by the mindflayer ship#so the messy clothes with barely any armor and the bandages just really complete The Look#if I could I'd just take away the belt on her waist but oh well. ig that would be too much to ask#but either way I am v happy w this heehee#nawenlore
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The one that got away
Still haven't seen the new Percy Jackson show but I have seen some fan reaction and here's what I'm getting:
In the show, there's a lot more Poseidon+Sally interaction. In the show, Sally Jackson is the woman he loves.
In the books, Sally is the ex who very much dumped him.
#I'm all for stories about exes who became for-real friends#Riker and Troi on TNG#Chloe and Daniel on Lucifer#adaptation#Percy Jackson#Percy Jackson TV series#when the adaptation adds to the original#Poseidon is never shown as too stupid to understand that Sally makes choices to protect Percy#including marrying Gabe#but it still had to be an ego hit#he's gotta be like 'okay so many she didn't want to settle down at the bottom of the sea for my albeit divine ass'#'but COME ON'#don't get me wrong I don't think book Poseidon doesn't care about Sally at all#but she's not the love of his life#she's one of his many girlfriends#yeah he respects her and might love her in his way#but her getting older and marrying Paul is something he very much takes in stride#kind of like Riker and Troi in early TNG 'cool bro I'd love to see her happy'
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Been meaning to do another one of these for a second, but didn't have any cool outfit pics--until I remembered these blurry pics I had from 2021 that I could never do much with. Libbyframe is the inspo for these as usual,✨️
#Reposting cause I fixed a lineart mistake that was killing me FINALLY after HOURS#will post the previous tags here#rewritten cause I forgot to copy them yay ->#a mini rant which isn't really a rant but more like information#I have followed this girl called Johanna Öst on Instagram for years#highly recommend it btw#and she did something called the wardrobe project for years first on LiveJournal then on Insta#and it consisted on her taking pieces of clothing she didn't wear from her wardrobe#and trying to match them up and make them wearable#and I wanted to do something similar but I didn’t wanna post it on Instagram for several reasons#mainly cause I'd feel like intimidated by everyone else who posts fashion stuff#and because I'd like to do it in video form#also because I'd have to do it in Portuguese and I didn't want to#also because people from my past follow me there#anyway a whole thing#and then I thought abt tumblr but the dms I get over here whenever I post pics of me are disconcerting to say the least#so I didn’t do it BUT if I could turn it into a little fashion AND art project that'd be cool#and I'd credit both Johanna and Libby on every post cause that's where I got the ideas from#and I'd take outfit pics and draw them like this#would it be time consuming? Yes very#but it might be fun to try cause I have fun drawing these#either way I still am a hit iffy abt posting pictures of me on this webbed site#however no creepy dms from the other drawing so fingers crossed it might lead to something#but if not no biggie#it's also kind of cold so idk when I'll be able to start doing this cause changing clothes etc#but we'll see#anyway#my face#art#artists on tumblr
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question: have any of you personally seen a dietician (not looking for experiences with nutritionists, only dieticians), and did you find it helpful or useful, and if you did see a dietician and you ALSO have seen a GI doctor, how did the experience compare for you in terms of helpfulness + how much you felt listened to and helped?
#i'm trying to figure out which doctor appointments I want to bother making and spending money about for potentially no return on investment#and right now i'm trying to figure out if I'd get way more practical help from a dietician or if I need to suck it up and find a#not-elderly not-male not-dismissive GI doctor first and THEN see a dietician#although I cannot afford a bunch of tests#so like???#trying to figure out if a dietician would be more helpful overall with me not HAVING any GI diagnoses or eating disorders#and just really struggling with food in both sensory ways and unpredictable digestion ways that don't correlate with food allergies#god i sometimes wish i had food allergies so i could have some predictability#but yeah. i'm leaning towards dietician but figured i should crowdsource experiences#since I know a lot of you have health issues you've also been trying to manage for years and probably have good advice#if it helps i'm also in a major city now and have a decent-but-not-great health insurance plan so I'm good on those two fronts#to do#health#I know a dietician can't diagnose anything but I'd love help figuring out how to get maximum nutrition even when i can barely eat anything#or when my body decides to start getting sick from or (tw emetophobia) puking up fiber or fatty foods#which thankfully isn't often#now that I do cannabis daily in microdosing I have so much less pain and bloating and nausea#but when it hits it HITS#and the last time I tried going without cannabis for a couple days and then eating a fiber muffin I was sick six times in one morning#and didn't get my normal eating ability back until dinnertime#luckily that's not normal for me#but my issues bounce up and down so much#and I lose weight so fast whenever my appetite goes from 'barely ever there' to 'negatively nonexistent'#and I had like. two months last year where I think i reached my body's natural healthy set weight#and i needed so much food but it felt so good energy wise and temperature wise#and i'd like to STAY THERE FFS#and I feel like a dietician would be helpful for making meal options for good#*good and hard and nuclear alert level eating difficulty times#anyway. crowdsourcing. yay!
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Line for you to find:
“It’s yet another reason I didn’t want to involve my family. I’ve never done anything I didn’t believe in—but that doesn’t mean I haven’t crossed hard lines.”
I have to concede this one to you, Mr. Pyren. I knew I recognized it, but I couldn't place it even after over half and hour of brainstorming. Because I got it in my head that it was an Alden quote, but when I couldn't find it I went to the internet to double check, and unfortunately it showed me the page number, so I ruined the test </3
alas! it is so obvious now that I've gotten past the Alden thing! but I think it's no surprise I missed the lodestar quote, that book mysteriously vanishes from so many memories
#quil finds quotes#quil's queries#fintan-pyren#i wish I hadn't ruined it for myself I would've liked this challenge#the way I've been timing it for reference. is I don't start the timer until I actually open the first book#any brainstorming before that is free game#but once I hit 15 min or I can tell I'm off and I'll allow myself to look up the quote for a tiny bit more context to jog my memory#i did it with one other#and that didn't show me the page number#so I thought i'd be good here#alas. I was not#if I'd stopped thinking about alden and remembered it was juline?#would've taken me like 3 minutes tops she's not here a lot. so#but anyway! touche fin!#in my head you are like. my companion. my rival but we are on the same side. and also friends and not rivals. you know?#we've both got keeper special interests so in my head we are brain beaming each other always#I would say equals but I don't want to imply everyone else is inferior#do you get what i'm saying#like. if I fuck something up you're gonna be the one to call me on it over anyone else#said positively#i'm getting distracted woop
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#doctor who#donna noble#tenth doctor#fourteenth doctor#russel t davies#i didn't even think about it it#i justed wanted to listen to something christmassy and also doctor who#hits some kinda way in the middle of the david tennant catherine tate specials#i'd never even heard the full version#that middle verse hit me like a train#Spotify
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If I'm not writing about our relationship as if it were a sports injury we didn't really have one I'm sorry babe
#a pattern. I am starting to notice!#never read the plays right. called fouls before a hit ever came. in fairness. I faked most of my injuries.#I am not on the sidelines. mainlining electrolytes. I caught my breath long before I hit him. one of us had to end up on#their back. out of breath. feeling like the fist came out of nowhere. it was a knockout round. you really didn't see it coming?#I don't start these things. i finish them. it takes negotiation to work me up to a fight. I'd never lose. you'd only get#hurt. neither of us wants this. can you hit me the way that I like?#something about the way the thing you loved can hurt you so much it's impossible to keep doing it. and you'll grieve it forever#still sadder about having to quit rowing than I've ever been about a breakup
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thinking about dream daddy again and god brian makes me so mad
#random thoughts#dream daddy#HIS ROUTE ISN'T EVEN ABOUT HIM#okay so the thing about the fleshed-out routes is you can tell a lot about a character depending on how many people are around#like with craig his first two dates involve at least one of his kids and a lot of social interaction because he's so overworked#so his final date where you just spend time with HIM one-on-one hits a lot harder#while with joseph he surrounds you with people but takes little periods of time to be alone with you to make a move#before instantly surrounding you with people again so you don't have enough time to question if he just made a pass at you#which is why his final date with you on the boat hits so hard: he purposefully isolated you in a place you could not easily leave#so he could make his move#and with brian... all his dates involve daisy in some way#which would imply he's trying to maintain some sort of distance? but he's not. he actively wants to befriend you#daisy and amanda keep tagging along... and for what?#they're eventually sidelined anyway! each date involves a moment where daisy and amanda are gone and you get a moment alone with brian#brian is the dad whose kid is the most present in his route and it says. literally nothing about him#make it so your character keeps inviting brian out and brian keeps making it a 'bring your kid and make it a playdate' thing or SOMETHING#maybe he's been raising daisy by himself for so long he's a bit rusty on how to interact with someone he's interested in?#on the second date daisy and amanda could have stayed home. it would change nothing#have daisy be sick and amanda be otherwise involved (maybe imply they're both faking to get out of fishing/get brian and mc to smooch)#like i don't think i'd mind daisy being around so much if she wasn't such a nothing burger of a character#give her some flaws! have amanda think she's weird or creepy! show us why she has no friends!#why is brian's route centered around our mc's daddy issues. we don't know his dad. we don't give a shit about his dad.#brian's route's main conflict ISN'T EVEN ABOUT HIM??? WHAT THE FUCK#you're essentially forcing us to make a character choice based on a backstory you also forced on us. you fallout 4'd us.#like okay. there's a lot of 'here's a part of your backstory you didn't know about' in dream daddy but this specifically doesn't work#like the ska band? it's a jokey plot device that's kind of weak but also a bit whatever#alex? is an explanation for why you're a single parent. very sad. not very fleshed out.#mc's dad? IS THE FOCUS OF AN ENTIRE ROUTE?????? WHAT THE FUCJ#literally no reason to do that. it makes brian a flatter character whose whole purpose is to react to your daddy issues#GIVE HIM FLAWS. MAKE HIM THE ONE WHO TAKES THE COMPETITION TOO SERIOUSLY
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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#the more i think abt relationships n having a partner the more convinced i get that i'll never get to experience that loo#lol* for multiple reasons actually#idk i feel like im just not the kind of person ppl would have a crush on you know n for a relationship u need two ppl so#n i feel like that comes directly from the fact that as a teenager no one ever had a crush on me or confessed to me#n like sure relationships aren't everything but not being the person ppl had crushes on during teenager years just. gives u a feeling i#cannot rlly explain you know. the only ppl who understand me is ppl who went through the same as me#n it's so frustrating lol bcs when i want to express how that makes me feel im always hit with 'ohh but you're so pretty' 'but you didn't#miss out much!' 'if you don't look for a relationship it will come!' and it gets so tiring bcs it's always the same over and over!!#like i've never actively looked for a partner n it never came either way!!!!!!!!!! and i'd like to decide if it was worth it or not!!!!!!#idk man being almost 25 and never have been in a relationship did things to me that i don't think i'll ever get over#i convinced myself i'm never gonna get into a relationship to either get those thoughts out of my head or to like prepare myself towards th#future bcs honestly? i just think thats not for me#and it sucks a bit you know? like i'd love to know how it feels to have someone in love with you#i yearn for that but i simply don't think i'm someone ppl fall in love with. never have been and convinced myself i never will#i may delete this but i needed to get it out lol#ppl who never has been in relatiomships n are adults now let's all hold hands 🫴#jo.txt
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still not over the end of Barry
#did anyone notice perhaps#i don't know what to do with my life#this shit is hitting harder than i thought it would#and i don't even know what to do about it#generally i'd write fanfiction but i don't have ships here#and i have no notes#i don't want the story to go in another direction#and the original is just perfect as it is#no need to add or change anything#but it also breaks my heart genuinely#fundamentally Barry Berkman is a flawed man who had so much potential to be a good person#and in multiple instances he showed he was always capable of actual love for another human being#hell the bit where he gets Sally after she killed that guy#and told her 'you didn't do this i did - say barry berkman did this' even though he didn't#because the reasoning is 'i'm already broken and a goner & i don't want you to become like me'#what is that if not selfless love#barry hbo#and in many ways i really relate to the feeling of being fundamentally broken#i'm not a murderer but i've felt broken and completely alone so often - matter of fact that's how i live my life#so i can't help it - i'll never resist empathizing with a broken soul#when the world's kicked the shit out of you enough you get it
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One of the biggest reasons I try to recruit all the characters in Three Houses isn’t just because I don’t want to kill them, but because if I do, I still have to go back to the monastery afterward. I still have to pass by their dorm rooms full of their belongings and know that’s where they spent their alone time and where they slept. I still have to pass by the spots they frequented the most. It’s not just the sad dialogue of characters reacting to the deaths, but passing by the spots I vividly remembered them hanging out at.
I realized this most in my first playthrough when I didn’t have the chance to recruit everyone and I accidently killed Raphael at Gronder. I didn’t have the enemy attack range turned on so I didn’t realize he was in range of attacking.
During an exploration, I was looking for Ignatz who was, unfortunately, in his dorm room... and I walked into the wrong room and into Raphael’s after he was killed and man that fuckin’ sucked! Feels bad but like, multiplied with big numbers, u kno??? ???
YES, IT’S A VIDEO GAME. YES, I HAVE HUMAN BEING FEELINGS ABOUT IT.
#DCB Comments#I also didn't get to recruit Ferdie in my first playthrough which is what I mean about#characters mentioning others dying. like Dorothea saying ''we killed Ferdie'' didn't hit nearly as hard as#walking into now dead Raphael's room and seeing all his stuff still lying around the way it was left when everyone had to flee#AND THE WORST PART? it's not like I MEANT to go into his room and stew on it. I completely accidentally walked into it#because I was trying to find/talk to Ignatz who was in his own room. MIND YOU after that I made it a point to NOT#walk into Ferdie's room and have that same thought process! because like. Raphael isn't one of my faves#and it was a huge Feels BAD Man moment walking into HIS room#forget if I walked into the room of someone I loved!!! I did try to recruit him but it just didn't work fast enough#I BARELY got Caspar in that run bc it was the final month which is only two weeks and I think I actually#didn't even get him the first week. I'm pretty sure I got him on the absolute last week so literally on#the absolute last possible exploration for recruiting. I had Linhardt already so I was hellbent on getting Caspar#bc I didn't want them to have to be enemies. basically I'd watched the game online already before playing#bc I didn't own the game or a Switch for a while after the game was out. I knew the spot you fight them at#and that they're both in the same chapter as enemies if not recruited which meant that if I only got Linhardt#that Caspar would be alone as my enemy and he wouldn't even have his best buddy there AND they'd be enemies#also tho Raphael just hit hard because I may not consider him a fave at all but he was still a nice dude you know??? ??? ???#like he's just a regular nice guy vibing and like... realizing that gentle nice man was killed in war#and walking into his old room was SADS. very big sads#DCB Three Houses Stuff
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hi hello just saw everything everywhere all at once and i am experiencing the temporary euphoria of remembering that in a fragmented and chaotic universe we must search for wonder make our own meaning and most importantly be kind
#anyway i'm also exhausted and i'm going to bed#i had to stop my therapist from saying my mom had 'narcissistic tendencies' when i was describing some shit she did in the past today#and be like 'um actually i have '''narcissistic tendencies''' so could we please Not'#obviously she was not initially buying it when she asked 'why did you think that' but I did outline the things that had resonated with me#why i self dxed and how it was a hugely important tool for making sense of the way my brain worked#and therefore figuring out how to effectively try and improve#and touched on the 'it sucks that people are forming clubs to call everyone they don't like a narcissist' and#'if you say someone with a PD doesn't do (x) good behavior you're basically saying a PD is a life sentence and not just information#about how your mind/personality tends to work' greatest hits#and she did seem to agree with a lot of what I said#and seemed to understand when I said I just straight up didn't want to talk about my parents being mentally ill#because what mattered to me was how they chose to act#and not what may or may not be a contributing factor#and ultimately she said she appreciated that I'd spoken up and we could look into dx stuff for npd if I wanted#(which I don't know if I do want! but I feel like it's a positive-ish thing for her to bring up)#so overall it was scary and exhausting but I was pretty happy with how I handled it#and it had me already thinking a lot of Big Stuff about self-improvement and sense of self#and learning to find hope and not just stew in misery or stagnate in 'this is the way things are'#and then the movie hit and it was just the perfect movie to watch today#genuinely a masterpiece god tier acting and effects never a dull moment#and listen i just need everyone to try and be kind to yourself and others ok we need it#believe that you can be okay and you are okay and spend a little time with something or someone you love
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thanks for being nice to me <3
#accidentally hit the back button in browser when queuing and it took me way back in my inbox#i'd been avoiding scrolling because I didn't remember what was there and assumed it was awful#there were a couple people who sent me incredibly kind and helpful asks when i was at my lowest point on this website#most were anons and several asked me not to post. all of that is completely fine ofc#but i just read back through them and realized i never really thanked them and i didn't know how#if you have literally ever treated me like a human being. be it a supportive like or a kind word or tags or a compliment or a message...#or even just. not actively talking shit about me.#or a million things i'm forgetting. thank you. thank you so much.#i want to believe i deserve kindness but it's a frequent battle#and having a specific tangible example like 'this person took the time to be kind to me when i was at my least sympathetic' helps a lot#everything is okay just having some feelings and working through them#and thought i could at least say thank you#i live with a lot of fear of the bad and i need to work on remembering there is good too. there is so much good.
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😪
#ugh. just wasted my whole morning reading a fic that promised to be better than it was#if the tags and summary and hits and kudos were anything to go bt#plush I've read a couple things by thia authors before but this one was the longest#and while the plot set up to go one way it went multiple other ways which was annoying#but it also had the worst canon side characters I've read in a while - beloved characters but#they were shoehorned into the narrative in ways that didn't suit age or dynamics let alone characterisation (ooc reads are the worst imho)#there seems to be plenty of folks who like this fic and to each their own#i just wish i hadn't held out hope that it would get better not worse.#it felt like a caricature. and now I'm wondering if I liked their shorter fics years ago but my tastes have changed#but their style also doesn't suit these long narratives.#y'know that feeling you get after reading a really well written fic? i wanted that feeling.#instead i was left feeling out of sorts and disappointed and irritated. ugh.#it's literally the perfect day for reading: a rainy cool winter day! after 95% sunshine this winter I'd just like to enjoy#proper winter weather the way its meant to be enjoyed: curled up with a good fic.#😪#thoughts
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