#Is this the same person you told me about last time too?

[melminli]

Dirty Cash (Money Talks)

summary - you had nothing against your colleague, but you weren't stupid enough to be fooled by his innocent smile and appearance since you knew exactly what kind of corrupt person was hiding behind that costume. after all, you were wearing the same one.

pairing: (gong yoo/ji-cheol) the salesman x fem. recruiter reader

word count: 1.4k

contains: talk about gambling + death and murder, sexual tension?, crack and just evil morals tbh

a/n: i watched maybe the first fifteen minutes or so of bullet train, but i thought of the two funny dudes from it while writing this bcuz their dynamic was funny af. also, i will use the actor's name in this fic since the character itself doesn't really have an official one that was mentioned in the series!

You straightened your tie with your free hand while watching your train approach from the side. The station was always pretty empty at this hour, which saved you the jostling and squeezing as you entered. After that, you sat down comfortably with a light sigh - next to the free seat beside your devilishly handsome colleague. “Are you alright? Don't tell me that you had a exhausting day?” he asked you worriedly with his typical innocent smile on his face but you've known the guy for a while now and you knew exactly how dishonest he sounded right now.

You returned his gaze for a second, uninterested, before turning it back in front of you to observe your surroundings from the window. “Exhausting day? Don't make fun of me or I'll punch you in the face,” you replied monotone and Gong Yoo didn't doubt your statement for a second - or Ji-choel as you preferred to call him since you weren't a big fan of nicknames. “I had a great time punching those bastards in the face one by one. It feels kinda therapeutic, so I'm actually feeling pretty good right now,” you told him, talking about the subject as if you were talking about the weather.

Your colleague grunted with delight at your good news. “And I would never disagree with you on that.” he said and then just watched your figure silently for a while before speaking up again. “Since you're in such a good mood, would you be willing to play a more private game between the two of us?” he suggested, making you look at him in utter disbelief.

“A private game? With you?” you repeated, amused and laughed in his face. “Hell, no. But don't worry, I'll let you know next time I want to get totally screwed by a freaky pervert,” you added, your voice dripping with sarcasm. Which will be, never.

“Come on, don't be like that,” he asked you sweetly. As sweet as the wolf who pretended to be the mother of the seven little goats before he ate them all one by one. “It's just a tiny, harmless game. It's been so long since we've played anything together.” he complained to you earnestly as if you actually cared, and you didn't.

Yeah, you remembered the last time very clearly, even if you would much rather prefer that you didn't. You hummed. “Is that so? Huh. I mean, it could be because you almost killed me in a fucking game of tic-tac-toe the last time, but that's just a theory.” You said with a shrug, clearly still resenting him for that. However, he just rolled his eyes unaffected by your grudge. “But you didn't, right? It was the other guy who got the bullet in his head.” He replied, not even remembering his name. Not that he had to.

You just glared at him while you rubbed your forehead. “Yeah, maybe. But I'm tired of risking my life just because it makes you horny and you can jerk off to it.” You made your feelings on the matter clear. “You know that the whole living on the edge of death thing isn't really my cup of tea. At least try to understand me a bit here, too.”

I suppose she's not entirely wrong, I could give it a try. I never thought about it like that before, did I? He thought to himself in his head as he ran his tongue over the back of his teeth while he pondered. How selfish of me. “So what exactly do I have to do, to convince you?” He asked you while he already had a few ideas in mind.

You grinned. “You know that very well, don't play dumb.” You demanded as you leaned closer to him so that he could hear what you were singing softly. “Money talks, money talks - dirty cash, I want you, and dirty cash, I need you, oh ~”

He raised an eyebrow, not particularly surprised. “So you want to play for money?” He repeated it, not outright rejecting your request. “Don't you have enough of that already? You're really insatiable when it comes to cash and now you want mine, too?” he joked just to get you worked up.

Though, you didn't get the slightest bit offended by what he said. “Can you ever have enough money? Besides, I'm not forcing you to give it to me, am I?” you said with a smile, already knowing that he would agree to your terms. “But if you want me to play with you, I want eight million won for every round I win.”

She's so greedy for someone who is already more than wealthy. “Aren't you exaggerating a bit? Most people don't earn that much in a month,” he continued his act of - whatever this was - because he just loved arguing with you.

“So? We both have the same salary, I know you can afford it,” you said, holding a hand in the air as soon as you felt that he wanted to stretch this unnecessary conversation even more. “You have to decide now what you want to do or I withdraw my proposal again.”

Gong Yoo closed his mouth and started grinning even wider. “You don't even want to know what kind of game I want to play?” he asked curiously, nodding and accepting whatever you wanted as soon as he saw that you actually weren't interested. You couldn't even imagine how gladly he gave in to you at this moment. “All right, I agree with your request.”

You stood up with your briefcase in hand after your station was announced. “Good. Text me when you have something in mind, I'll be there as long as it fits timewise.”

Your colleague continued to watch you with a look on his face that used to make you more than just uncomfortable back in the day - though it didn't even bother you in the slightest now. “You don't want to accompany me to the...office?”

You smiled while the train started to slow down. “Au revoir, Ji-cheol.” you just said your goodbye to him and stepped out of the doors. You didn't even spare the poor guy a second glance when he waved his hand at you from the window. She can be so heartless sometimes, he thought to himself, even if you were like this pretty much all the time. I'll have to think of something good to ask for in return should I win. I'm definitely not going to hold back when there's this much money at stake.

You didn't give a second thought to anything as you made your way home after a day's work like any normal citizen would do. However, your steps slowed considerably when you noticed a beggar in your field of vision and even though the rest of the crowd ignored the man and his entire existence, you couldn't help but focus your full attention on him. You looked at your watch, I've been off work for a while now. But even then, you couldn't help but notice that he was one of the people on your list to recruit for the game. He'll still be here tomorrow, but I don't mind another round of Ddakji. I love money more than anything - but I'm not doing this job for only that since I don't even have anything against working a bit of overtime when it comes to this.

“Excuse me,” you spoke to the man with a polite smile on your face, and he only submissively avoided your gaze as he listened to you. After all, one rarely approached people like him and why would they? He held his cup of loose change out in front of him, probably expecting you to give him a small donation, but you wanted to give him so much more than that. Even if the guy didn't know it right now - you wanted to give him another chance in life, so that he wouldn't continue to be just a miserable failure.

You ignored his donation cup. “I was wondering if you might have a moment because I'd like to make you an offer,” you continued politely and the man met your gaze at that. Yeah, you were really looking forward to what was about to happen - after all, you were known for letting your opponent only win if you allowed them to.

[yutarot]

ride or die. l.jn smau

018 — for her, i am.

(a/n: u might wanna grab some popcorn for this one.)

JENO POV

“i know who leaked my secret.”

he had said it so quickly that he forgot the words had even come from his mouth.

jaemin stares at him, eyes wide in a mix of shock and weirdly, sadness.

but then jeno realises why. he had let jaemin be bullied, staying silent as all of his friends attacked him. he had done nothing.

jaemin didn’t care that jeno knew who it was, he didn’t care who had ruined jeno’s life, because jeno had ruined his. he thought that jeno thought it was him, he had assumed that’s why jeno did nothing, out of hatred, out of anger. but now, now it made no sense. jeno was meant to be his bestfriend.

jeno became angry at the thought. not at jaemin, but at himself. and he hadn’t even explained to him the whole story yet, he hadn’t even told him who it was.

jaemin spoke first after their silence.

“you better start explaining.” jaemin says, and rightfully so. jeno feels as if he should had done the explaining a while ago, he wanted to. but it all happened too quick. he never got the chance.

he doesn’t know why, but he feels like jaemin and him aren’t going to be the same after this. not after what he’s about to tell him.

jaemin grows inpatient, angry even.

“come on, jeno, im not gonna sit here and wait for the fucking grass to grow!!”

jeno says nothing still, and this only makes jaemin’s anger worsen. but he just doesn’t know what to say, how to word the sentence that will ruin their friendship.

“WHO WAS IT JENO?” jaemins grabbing his shirt at this point, and there’s nothing he can do but close his eyes and take it. “WHO WAS IT YOU HAD TO PROTECT SO MUCH TO THE POINT WHERE YOU HAD TO LET ME GET PUSHED AROUND, HUH? WHO SPILLED YOUR FUCKING SECRET, WHO DID YOU FEEL WAS SO SPECIAL TO YOU THAT YOU COULDNT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE?!! WHO WAS IT, JENO?! WHO W-“

jeno’s heart races. his fists clench. his arms tense.

he snaps.

“IT WAS ME!”

jaemin stills.

he lets go of jeno’s shirt.

his eyes never divert from his, his last breath never leaving. they both stand in the apartment lobby, the cold air of outside, breezing through the window, half cracked open, the distant buzz of the vending machine whirring in the corner and the deep hue of the midnight sky absorbing the light from around them.

they’re silent, they’re still.

neither of them dare to speak.

until jeno notices jaemins face.

it’s not anger, it’s not sadness. it’s pity.

“it was me.” jeno’s voice is lower now. “i leaked my own identity.” he looks at the floor, in both solemnity and shame.

“why?” jaemin asks. “why would you do that to yourself?”

“i didn’t know it would spread so fast. i posted it on an anonymous account before my race. i wasn’t expecting it to be spread so quick, let alone on national news. i thought it would be slow, i was going to tell you, i was going to tell everyone. i had decided i didn’t want to be samo anymore. but the speed of it all… i wasn’t ready yet, i hadn’t prepared yet, i hadn’t told her.”

jaemin stills at the mention of you.

“so that’s why.”

jeno nods.

“you’re an idiot.” jaemin says, throwing jeno’s words back at him.

but jeno isn’t laughing.

“for her, i am.”

that’s where he realises the gravity of it all. that both of their deception had all come down to the route of one thing, of one person.

you.

jeno continues. “do you know what she told me when we first got into that fake relationship?”

jaemin shakes his head.

“she told me that she didn’t understand why i liked living as samo more than jeno. and usually, i did. i loved living as samo, it was the only time that i was able to really be myself. but when she came along, i realised something. i realised that i didn’t want to be samo anymore, i wanted to be the person that she knew. technically, she knew samo, yes. but it was me, as jeno, that she truly knew. and when she told me that i should just live as jeno, avoid all the public attention and just go outside without a mask, i realised that she was right, that that’s who i wanted to be. i wanted to be me, because of her. so when she told chenle who i was, i should have been mad, i should have been pissed. but, truly? i was relieved. she had done the first step of my journey herself, i could break off the deal. i could explain that i didn’t care about it anymore. i could explain that i wanted to date her for real. but i didn’t do any of that. i was still angry, i was angry at the reason why she had told chenle. he ruined it all. i couldn’t explain it to her, what i really wanted. because she liked him. and it only confirmed my suspicions when i found that stupid fuckers hoodi-“

jeno realised he had be talking for too long when jaemin began to smile.

“oh man i’ve been waiting for you to say that for the longest time, that you want to be yourself.” he pulls him into a brief hug as he speaks, as if he hadn’t even heard the second half of jeno’s rant.

after a second, jaemin pulls away before stating the obvious truth of what’s staring them both in the face, “if only it wasn’t because of her.”

reality dawns on him, pushing on him like an incoming storm. “im sorry jaemin, but ive made up my mind.”

jaemin nods, expecting jeno to say more. but he doesn’t, he just walks to the elevator, clicking the floor to their dorm. jeno hopes that jaemin forgets all about you, that he puts his feelings for you aside. but he knows jaemin too well, he knows no matter how much he tries, jaemin will never forget you.

“you getting in?” jeno says, a smile plastered on his face.

jaemin grins back before running to the elevator to join him.

jeno was going back home.

well, he will be once he fixes things with you.

jaemin lets out a sigh, seeming deep in thought. “you sacrificed everything for her.”

jeno looks at him, an understanding of what he means by this.

“jaemin-“

“i’ll take the fall for it.” he says, a smile on his face that doesn’t reach his eyes. “you don’t have to tell them it was you yet, if you’re not ready.”

jeno panics, “i can’t let you do that. not anymore.”

“please let me.” he fidgets, watching the numbers on the elevator screen climb up, and up, and up. “it’s the most i can do.”

jeno doesn’t know what to say, just like before. so he does the easiest thing. even though he knows he shouldn’t, he does what he knows he’s going to regret.

the elevator dings to a halt.

he lets him.

a sacrifice for a sacrifice.

previous : mlist : next

notes; it’s been so hard tryna keep this secret guys u have NO idea

taglist — open! @jenohyun @jirsungs @do-you-remember-summer-127 @ddolbyong @stqrgr7 @thatsatricky1 @sunghoonsgfreal @nattan127 @ssweetreveries @flamingi @chenlesfavorite @peterm4rker @snoopyjimin @akunoeyebrows @junviadinho @slayhaechan @f6llsun @multifandomania @cookiehaos @catecita @mrsjohnnysuh @luv4jeno @hyuckies18 @dreamiestay @tangerinelovelees @jjaegyeom @https-yeonjun @nanaxwi @yukisroom97 @nosungluv @mrkleelvr @neocrashed @jaedgemental @apolloxxivmin @kyubing @catdonut657 @dudekiss3r @juyeonshour @hamjwis @antifrggile @mmjhh1998 @thegracerammy @jenocity23 @honeynanamin @bluedbliss @lampcults @yyangj3lly

[m00nl1ghts1vt]

♡‧₊˚ Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart!Reader - Dedicated

It is highly recommended to read Delusional before continuing.

🎵 Soul Ties (remix) - Savannah Cristina

“Yea he’s not leaving anytime soon,” your best friend sounds from the next room, her stale tone of voice makes it obvious she’s annoyed at the fact that Chris’ car hadn’t moved an inch from the parking spot it was in the night before. Your plan was to stay hidden away in your best friend's house for as long as you possibly could, knowing any conversation with your babydaddy would either leave you in tears or wrapped around his finger once again — you wanted neither. The open kitchen layout gave you a clear view into her living room where she was peeking thru the blinds. You lift your head from your hands and let out a hefty sigh, “he’s still out there?”

“I don’t think he ever left,” she tells you before whirling around to face your direction, “pathetic – dedicated but pathetic,” she snorts, no emotion showing in her voice until she sets her eyes on you. Her tight-lipped smirk falls to a frown as a sympathetic look washes over her face, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

You force a smile, shaking your head at her, “it's okay. You’re allowed to have your own opinion on him.” It was the truth. She saw it all, from the beginning until now – she watched yours and Chris’ relationship flourish, she was the first person you told about your pregnancy beside him, she was the one to pick you and put you back together the first time Chris cheated. Now, she’s here doing the same thing once again but this time she’s comforting her very heartbroken, very pregnant, nearly due, best friend. She had every right to hate him. You just wished she could give some of the hatred she had for Chris to you because no matter what he did, you couldn’t hate him if you tried. You were too in love with him. 

Chris’ dedication to stay camped outside of your besties house wasn’t helping you hold the grudge that you wanted to so badly. You knew he needed to be held accountable for his actions but the longer you stayed away from him, the more you missed him. Not to mention the pregnancy hormones that raged thru your body, it felt like your heart had your brain in a headlock. He had been texting your phone every other hour on the dot, making your heart ache each time another text from Chris delivers to your phone. A thick silence falls across the room as your phone chimes on command, you and your best friend eyeballing each other across the kitchen island. You let out another sigh before flipping your phone face down, knowing anything that man said to you was just going to convince you more to take him back, you didn’t want to see another lame ass, “I’m sorry” or “please talk to me.” You just wanted time to think.  

“Maybe talking to him won’t be such a bad idea,” your best friend eases, “Bean is coming soon, and you guys at least need to be on talking terms before he gets here.” One thing you loved about her was her logical thinking, but she just didn’t understand. You were grateful for her being there and helping you thru the emotional roller coaster you had been on the last twenty-four hours. One minute you were in tears and the next you were pissed at Chris. Pissed at him for letting other women on social media cloud his judgement. You knew Chris’ lifestyle came with plenty of women throwing themselves at him, but you didn’t think he’d stoop down to that level, not when you were pregnant anyway. 

It made you wonder if he continued to text other women after the first time he was caught, had he been in other bitches DMs your whole pregnancy? The thought made your stomach weak and head woozy.

As much as you wanted to stay hidden in the comfort of your best friend's home, you knew Chris wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, not until you talked to him. All the time you two were in this situation before, Chris was always one to give you your space. This time it was different, you were pregnant with his son; he couldn’t just stay home while you sat heartbroken, and he wasn’t leaving the spot he was in unless you were coming with him.

"One reply won't hurt," your best friend adds on, breaking you out of your train of thoughts, "don't give in too quickly. He deserves the meanest version of you right now, remember that!" her voice calls after you as you get up from your seat. You smooth a hand over your bump, slugging to the next room while you unlock your phone to read Chris' text messages.

You lock your phone, shoving it into your pants pocket before heading to the foyer, slipping on your shoes and calling out to your bestie, "going to talk to him!" Even though you were dreading the conversation that was to come. You weren't accepting any unkept promises this time. As much as you craved more information, it was unlikely you'd get it. You knew Chris, and you knew you'd be playing detective if you wanted to get anything else out of him.

The fresh morning breeze hits you as you make your way outside, your pregnancy waddle making itself known with each step you take. Your heart thumps violently in your chest as you set your eyes on a very messy looking Chris taking long strides to the passenger side door, yanking it open and waiting for you with eager eyes. The sight of him makes you feel like you could vomit at any moment, the feeling of uncertainty lies deep in your gut. You take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you approach his car, making sure you don't meet his gaze as you sink down in your seat.

You watch as Chris shuts the door, his bottom lip clamped between his teeth as he runs a hand thru his hair, quickly moving on his feet to the driver's side. It was obvious he hadn't slept all night. Chris sported his classic sleepy, messy-haired look many times before, but the bags under his eyes told everyone his lack of sleep was stress related.

Chris runs another hand thru his hair, letting out a long sigh as he sinks down into his seat, "I missed you, Sweetheart," his voice was hoarse, way raspier than normal, " — and bean." Your son did somersaults in your wombs at the sound of his dad's voice, making you smooth a hand over your bump in an attempt to calm him. Chris' eyes follow your movement, and he stretches a hand out to mimic your actions. Baby Bean thrashes around actively at the feeling of Chris hand on your stomach. Chris clears his throat, "I really am sorry," his voice thick with emotion as he looks up at you. You can see the tears pooling up in his eyes as he attempts to blink them away, letting a few fall in the process. It was the most emotion you had ever seen on him considering the fact you didn't even see tears when he found out you were pregnant. You watch as Chris collects the stray tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, quickly looking away as he sets his bloodshot eyes on you. Seeing him cry made you want to forget about all the hurt he caused you; it made you want to suffocate him in a bear hug while you ran your fingers thru his hair and sang him soft lullabies.

"He misses you too," you croak out, crossing your arms over your chest as you study the man across from you. He was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his signature scent of cologne was very faint, nearly worn off and watered down. The stress induced bags under his eyes indicated his mind was running rampant all night long, much like yours. His gaze fixated on you; he wanted you to know he was ready for whatever you threw his way. He was ready to take the heat for all of it, anything he had to do to get you back.

"You don't miss me?" his words echo off the interior of the car, making the silence thicker than it already was. There was no doubt that you missed him, but he didn't deserve to hear that. Your best friends' voice pops into your head, 'he deserves the meanest version of you,’ you wanted so badly to agree, but looking at how tore up and dismantled Chris sat in front of you – it absolutely broke your heart. You let out a staggered breath, "yea, I always miss you — but that doesn't mean I forgive you, Chris." As soon as the words leave your lips, Chris is nodding in agreement, he knows he has some making up to do.

In a way, you were thankful you isolated yourself from Chris instead of acting off of your emotions as you usually would. It gave you a lot more time to weigh out your options. Was it reasonable to break up with the father of your child twelve weeks away from your due date because he was texting a random girl on Instagram? Probably not. If there was more you didn't know about, it'd be a different outcome. Isolation came with overthinking, and you thought of every possibility when it came to Chris' infidelity. Who was she? Was she a side bitch or just some random? Was that the only conversation or was there more? Did he know her personally? You knew you’d be a wreck at this moment if you hadn’t cried your tear ducts dry the night before. No matter how hard your heart thumped in your chest, you felt numb.

You knew you couldn’t do it alone; you relied on Chris for almost everything these last 7 months. You were freshly in your third trimester, and you’d be damned if you spent the first few weeks of your baby’s life living in an unfamiliar air bnb or hotel room. There was no point in arguing with him. There was no point in asking questions. If Chris was this dedicated to get you to talk to him, there was no telling what he'd do if you held out no contact when the baby was here. Besides, he said he’d never do it again, right?

Wc - 1752?? (Not proofread yet)

♡‧₊˚ Sweetheart is such a pushover for her babydaddy 😭 I hope everyone likes this lol. This is very much unresolved, so there will definitely be more angst in the future 🫣 But also some fluff, Baby bean is due soon and I have yet to pick out name lol. Let know what you guys think and don't forget to send me ask about the two 🫶🏻

Masterlist

Babydaddy!Chris Masterlist

Taglist (comment to be added)

Requests/Asks are always open - send me questions or suggestions for Babydaddy!Chris x Sweetheart or Neighbor!Matt x Brat!Reader

© m00nl1ghts1vt - Please do not copy my work.

[dazeddoodles]

Beware for Owl House fans of the user @Daystarvoyage (Homophobic/General Harassment)

This user also goes by "Daystarcosplay" on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube. It is important you block them on every single one.

Despite claiming to be a "TOH Critic", their main problem with the show is the inclusion of LGBT characters. Homophobia is not criticism.

They have been going around harassing anyone who posts something TOH-related they don't like whether it be a ship (specifically going after gay ships, most notably Lumity) or an opinion. And will go on to stalk and harass their victims on every other social media after being blocked.

I first encountered this user after posting this artwork

They insisted that Luz should have ended up with Hunter and not a girl. After I told them no, they proceeded to harass me. (Tumblr deletes dms after blocking someone, but I still took some screenshots at the time)

They sent me hate fanfiction they wrote of TOH's creator Dana Terrace being harmed, and rants about how she is a bad writer for having Luz in a relationship with another girl, and including gay/trans people in general.

After blocking them, they immediately went after me on Twitter and Instagram (within the same hour of blocking them)

When I posted about this publicly, others came foward to tell me they were harassed by this person on every social media as well. And other shippers of Luz and Hunter expressing bad experiences with this person.

Though I was sent hate fanfiction this user wrote of Dana Terrace, they sent others smut fanfiction they wrote of Hunter raping Luz. Particularly under Pride Month posts.

Most recently they went after and stalked another artist this past month, last messaging them on New Years

From my experience and hearing others, it seems like the common pattern this user goes on about when harassing someone is ranting about how much they hate Dana Terrace, how she's a terrible writer, complaining about the show being "woke" (having gay characters), Luz ending up with another girl instead of Hunter, Luz not being feminine/pretty enough, weird rants about their personal life, and claiming the person who they are harassing "started it" and is the toxic fan.

By how immature and bad their writing is, you may think this is a child, but unfortunately not. (Also yes English is their first language, revealed to me during thier rant about their personal life) Many of their harassment messages include ranting about "this generation" being too sensitive and calling their victims "kid/brat" as an insult.

Also, in a post they made defending villain characters like Belos and Odalia, they said those two were demonized for being an adult. Just like how THEY are demonized for being an adult by gen z apparently.

It's best if you block them now before they interact with you first, as they have started making alt accounts.

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 8 )

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Wordcount: 5.781

Author's note: It took me a lot but here it is. Got so many blocks writting this and I'm not satified with it. It doesn't matter how many time I write and rewrite it, it feels like it's never good enough but I tried my best so please go easy on me. Hope you like it and let me know if you want a next chapter or not. Also: I'm sorry for any mistakes

Love you loads <3

When Y/n woke up the next morning she could swear her head was gonna fall off. It was one of those headaches it makes you wanna clung onto the bedsheets and never leave ‘till the next day. Flashbacks of the night before went through her brain but she brushed them off. She wanted to enjoy the few days she had taken, yet she’s still thinking about the same. She thought she was doing a good job but Taehyung’s words didn’t really help too, she definitely was going to face Sewoon with all these facts. Y/n always chose kindness over anything else but would all of that have gotten her anywhere? Looking back, she had serious doubts about that. 

Getting up from the bed and heading to the bathroom she notices everything is still very quiet which means Lisa is still asleep. Y/n wants to do something nice for her so she decides to make a huge breakfast once she knows that food is Lisa's undoing and starts preparing things without making too much noise (or at least trying to). Everything’s almost ready when Y/n listens to steps aproaching the kitchen/living room area as she pours some orange juice in Lisa’s cup saying good morning. Lisa looks at her and smiles, answering her back and sitting down.  

“what’s all this?”  

“It’s just a way to thank you for being such a great person to me. I know I've been hard to handle these last days but I want you to know that I truly feel grateful for everything you’ve done for me so far. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know how things would’ve ended up for me, I’d probably be crying in my room, thinking how much I suck because the guy I’m in love with doesn’t love me back” 

“I told you Y/n, it’s completely fine. I always liked you. You bring such a positive vibe and you’re so kind and fun to be around. It’s good to be around you and if I can help you somehow I will.” A few minutes of silence passed until Lisa asked what she was dying to know. “Did you talk to him?” Y/n stops suddenly, swallows hard and shakes her head.  

“No” 

“care to explain why?” 

“I’ve been thinking about your words and you’re right! I have to stop being a pussy and be real with myself and my feelings, not for others but for me. All this mess started because I'm always comparing myself to others all the time. I was so scared that Sewoon and Jungkook would meet and I was the bridge for them to start something. I allowed this. If only I wasn't so afraid and had more confidence in myself maybe it would be me in Sewoon's place and that kills me inside Lisa. For once in my life it would have been simple and sincere and I'm the only one to blame for this."

"What makes you think he was never interested in you Y/n? Because from what you told me it seemed to me that he was quite into you” 

"He definitely wasn't Lisa, you're confusing things. He found my attitude towards him funny when we first met, I don't know. But he never showed any signs, he never said anything and I was afraid of destroying the friendship we were building by saying something. He even used to go on dates. At the end he would go to the coffee shop and we would talk about it and stuff.” 

Lisa frowned “So he went on dates but never hooked up with them afterwards? a boy in his prime, with basic needs and would always come to you afterwards? You never found anything weird?” 

“For what he told me he had just gotten out of a complicated relationship. I think he was more interested in meeting new people, go out for a bit, clear his head.” 

“and come back to you in the end” Lisa mocks while Y/n throws a piece of bread at her, hitting her in the forehead. “Don’t be annoying” 

“Y/n you may not understand much about boys but I do and that's not normal for someone who don't have feelings for you. At best, he would go home.” Y/n drank some of her juice. "stop it! if that was true he wouldn't have gone straight to my supposed best friend. Why would he do that if he was interested in me?  The way he looked at her, how he said she was the best thing that ever happened to him and that he would never be able to love anyone the way he loves her. Not to mention what he did for Sewoon. She told me some things and all I could think about was how I wish it was me instead. I hoped it was me but I'm a coward, that's why I'm still here, 23 years old and a virgin. Even in that regard, Sewoon was lucky.” Y/n looks at her plate, trying to avoid eye contact with Lisa, knowing that would be enough to make her start crying but kept talking

“How she described the way he touched her, grabbed her, how he -- in short, everything. There was this one time she couldn't stop talking about how and where they did it so I invented that I was super busy and couldn't talk so she could leave and I could cry in peace. I swore never again.” 

“After everything Tae told you do you still think things are as Sewoon says?” Y/n didn’t answer, instead she got up and started taking the dishes onto the table, washing them. Lisa got up too, leaving her plate in the sink "always listen to things with a hint of doubt but specially with your heart." Y/n decided to change the subject. 

“What are we doing today?” Lisa laughed “let’s introduce you to this place the right way. See something else than snowboards” With this they got ready for the day. Lisa already knew the place with the palm of her hands so she knew what and where to go with Y/n.  

Even tho her mind was still in another place she actually found herself enjoying their time there. She enjoyed it so much that she didn't even notice the days passing by until the day for them to leave had arrived. Although the first days were complicated now she didn't mind staying another day or two but there were things to fix that she was eager to mend and she wouldn't find the so needed peace she wanted until everything was cleared up.

On their last day there Lisa suggested to go for a hot chocolate where they found Tae and his friend once again. They saw each other a lot during their staying and ended up clearing everything up and agreed that Sewoon was a NO topic. That night they went to a club all together and Y/n remembers having so much fun and getting so drunk that she ended up on top of Tae's friend. (Not the way you guys are thinking, pervs ;)

Y/n already had too much to drink and once they were stepping out of the club she tripped and Tae's friend was there and tried to hold her only for Y/n to bring him down with her. All of them laughed and they even took a picture of them both on the floor in a suspicious position. She just hoped any of it would end up on social media, at least for now because she knew either Sewoon or Jungkook would see it, but of course things never go the way she wanted them too. On their way home Y/n got a notification on instagram saying Taehyung tagged her in a photo so she opened it and saw a set of pictures, the first being Y/n, Lisa, Tae and his friend with drinks on their hands and Tae's arm around Y/n's waist and the second just a photo of Y/n and Tae making a funny face among with other random pics with the caption “Glad to see an old flame again. Loved these days with the best people. Let's repeat it next year” Fuck

She still had two days before going back to work and a few hours' journey ahead of her and the last thing she wanted was to end these wonderful days in an anxiety attack at an airport far from home because of a set of pictures.

It was a peaceful trip, they both took the opportunity to sleep and rest during the flight since when they arrived they had a lot to do. Y/n agreed to move to Lisa's house just as she had proposed. One night before going to sleep she spoke with her landlord and canceled the lease so she had little time to organize her stuff and take them to Lisa's. As soon as the plane landed they looked at each other and smiled, grabbed their things and slowly walked out of the airport where Lisa's father was waiting for them. As soon as they got into the car, Lisa said 

“I'm sad it's over but I'm happy we're getting home. I honestly love traveling but the moment I get to my space and make myself comfortable at home is always the best of all. Speaking of it, we still have to get your things. How about we go to my house, unpack, have lunch and then pack the rest of your stuff? Unless you're tired”

“I agree with you Liz, nothing feels better than the comfort of home, and yes, I was thinking the same. I still have two days before going back to work so I have to make the most of it. Right now, i just really want to eat I’m starving and I can’t function without food” They both laugh. Lisa asked her father to turn on the radio and as soon as he did, Tate mcrae's new song started to play. Needless to say they started singing with all their power until they arrived at Lisa's house. Y/n didn't remember having that much fun, not even with Sewoon and she had known her for years.  

After arriving at the place, her father said goodbye to them and left their bags at the front door so they could unpack them. They decided to order Taco Bell and while they waited for food and for the washing machine to stop, they sat down on the sofa. Y/n was looking at her phone until she heard herself say 

“I don’t know what to do” Lisa gets confused and kept her silence in order for Y/n to say something else, getting comfy on the couch. It took her a while to speak again.

“I-  we got back to reality and I can't ignore the fact that I never spoke to Jungkook again ever since that day. It's making me nervous because my mind is racing 1000 percent, I mean, imagine he no longer wants to talk to me or listen to what I have to say.. In hindsight I should have said something to him but I was so hurt. Furthermore, I received a message from Sewoon asking what the hell I was doing with Tae without telling her. Let's just say it wasn’t a very nice message. What should I do Lisa?” 

“First of all breath Y/n. Being like this won't get you anywhere. Second: I honestly think you should send a text to Jungkook, tell him that you need to talk to him and that you know that ignoring him wasn't the right choice but that there are a lot of things he doesn't know and that it's difficult to explain. Ask him to meet, preferably in a place other than your work because it will draw a lot of attention on you. You still have time to get back to work, make the most of it before - " Before Lisa finished, the washing machine was heard making its characteristic sound and Lisa apologized and said she'd be right back while Y/n continued sitting on the sofa looking stupidly at her phone. Lisa was right, she couldn’t drag this anymore.

“Hi Jungkook, how are you? I hope you’re doing well. I’m doing good. I know i probably kept you up at night, or maybe you didn’t even think of me but still I’m writting this to give you some heads up on why I disappeared the way I did. Truth is, I had a lot going on these last few months and I know that’s not an excuse and I was on the wrong for not replying to your texts but honestly I didn’t know what else to do. I was in a real mess. I still am and the way I thought it was possible to get out of this chaos inside my mind was to escape my reality and move away. I'm sorry, I know I should have said something but I'm ready to explain everything to you now, if you still want to.  

I love you.” 

During the rest of the day Lisa helped Y/n move her things to her new place. The fact that she didn’t have a lot of things made it easier. After that, they went grocery shopping and ended up passing by Y/n’s work and decided to walk in being greeted for her co-worker Sana 

“Ohh well well well. Who do we have here? Good evening lady and welcome back! thought you’d never show your face around here again. I already miss you, how are you doing? And most importantly, when will you return? I'm so tired of putting up with the boss alone, everyday he gets more and more annoying” She says making Y/n and Lisa laugh. 

“It’s been wonderful having some days to actually rest, sad to see it end” Yn says with a smile. “How’s it going around here?” 

“Pretty much the same you know. Had your really hot friend coming over everyday at the same hour he used to come. I guess he didn’t believe me when I told him you took some days off. Weird you didn’t, you guys were so close and were together all the time I thought you’d end up together after he broke things off with Sewoon. The last time I saw him was two days ago with her actually. They came here together.” Y/n’s heart stopped for a second and she had a hard time breathing all of a sudden 

“Together how?”  

“Like I said they came in here together, sat at that table over there and chatted for a while. It was a very busy shift and I was alone here so I couldn’t see or hear a lot. When it calmed down I looked at them, Jungkook was holding her hand and saying something to her while she looked like she was crying or about to. Then I couldn't understand anything else because several customers came in at the same time. When I noticed, he was already coming to pay and Sewoon was at the entrance waiting for him. That day he didn't say anything, he looked somewhere behind me but didn't speak, he just smiled, paid and left but I couldn’t see if he went alone or with her. I’m sorry”  

Of course this was going to happen, all she had to do was disappear for a few days and they wouldn't waste time getting on top of each other. She was so stupid. Was she really worthless? Lisa looked at her worriedly but didn't say anything, simply ordered two drinks while Y/n thanked her and looked out the window. If she had known, she would have enjoyed the trip even more without thinking about those two. She felt bad about leaving Jungkook in a vacuum and he was very much entertained. She always had a tiny bit of hope but what for? Sana had left to prepare their order when Lisa spoke 

“Don't pay attention to it Y/n. It could be many things, you don't know. If he really was with her why was he always coming over and asking about you?” 

“Because that’s what friends are supposed to do Lisa! They worry about each other, which makes sense given how I left the club that night and the fact that I didn't say anything to him in the following days made him think that something bad had happened to me. Everything friendship based.. Maybe that's why he didn't answer me, because he's with her. Sewoon must have shown him the photos we took with Tae on vacation. He was sure I was okay so he moved on with her, again.  

Lisa didn't have the chance to say anything because their order was given to them and they said goodbye to Sana and made their way to the car. Lisa started driving and to get home they had to pass by Y/n's old house. As they approached the road Y/n saw someone she knew very well, Sewoon and next to her was Jungkook in front of her old appartment. As if they could see her, Y/n leaned as far back as she could against the seat.  

""Lisa, for all that is most sacred to you, please don't stop here, don't look, don't do anything other than move as quickly as possible. Don’t ask me anything just go!" 

Always the second, never the chosen, as always. 

-------------------------------------------------------------- 

As they get to their now shared apartment Y/n tells Lisa that she's not hungry and if she doesn't mind she's going to rest because it was a very long day and that tomorrow is the last day and she wants to take the opportunity to organize the rest of her things and relax. Lisa says she doesn't mind at all, that she also feels the same and is going to rest, specially because the next day she has a last minute meeting.

Y/n tried to make Lisa not notice it but she's not stupid. As she drove past Y/n's old building she saw the silhouettes that bothered her so much and all she had to do was put two and two together upon seeing her reaction. The only thing she wanted was to park and give Sewoon a good slap and tell her everything she had been holding back so far.  

After getting home both went to their rooms. Y/n couldn’t get any sleep. She tossed and turned but sleep was far away.  Y/n looked at her phone and still no text or call from Jungkook. Why was she stupid and sent him a text? Clearly he wasn't worried at all, not even an "ok" he had responded. Suddenly she felt her eyes blurry and that was when she realized the tears rolling down her cheeks. She thought she was worth more, even if it was just in terms of friendship. After some time lost in her own thoughts, she decided to put on her headphones and try to get some sleep and managed to do so after a few hours. 

The next day, when she woke up it felt like she had been hit by a bus. Lisa had also gone out to deal with some matters at work, at least she remembered mentioning something about it. Once alone, Y/n had decided to stay in bed. Honestly she wasn't in the mood to do anything else and wanted to take to relax since she was going back to work the next day. Willingness? none. It was going to be hard but the way things were going neither Jungkook nor Sewoon were going to show up there or so she thought.

The next day her alarm went off and Y/n got ready for the day. She was going to do a double shift today since Sana was off, so she was on her own. For some reason she was nervous, it seemed like it was her first day again so her anxiety was on the roof. 

As incredible as it may seem, as soon as she arrived she saw her regular customers greeting her and telling her how much they missed her (most of them elderly people who used to frequent the shop even before she worked there and who had loved her since her first day) relaxed her immediately. Everything went very well. During her break Lisa went to see her and they chatted and drank coffee before going back to do the other part of the shift. Until then, everything was going perfectly. No sign of people she didn't want to see, she hadn't had any rude customers and her boss was in a very good mood. It was all too good to be true since luck is not something that goes on her side. 

Y/n was getting ready to close the shop and at that point she was usually alone. She was putting the chairs on the table when she heard the entrance bell signal that someone else was there with her. When she turned to inform the customer that they were closed, she came across someone she didn't want or even expeected to see.

In front of her was Jungkook with wet hair and helmet in hand. He seemed agitated, confused and angry. Very angry. Y/n couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in days. She stopped on the spot, what would she say or do? They hadn't seen or spoken to each other for almost a week and the atmosphere was tense and she just wanted to disappear. 

He looked at her with such an intense gaze that she had to turn away while saying "we are closed" and pretended to keep doing what she was doing. 

"Really? After days of complete silence while i was worried sick about you. After leaving without any kind of warning? After that stupid fight on the club and sudden departure with someone that neither Sewoon nor I knew, that's all you have to tell me? we are closed? Are you for real?” 

Y/n stopped doing what she was doing but kept her back to him. It’s a good thing he couldn't see her because her hands were like jelly, shaking so much that she thought she was going to faint right there, however continued to act tough and ignored him, took a deep breath and started walking to the counter until she felt a hand grab her arm.  

“Y/n please stop shitting me. I’ve been going crazy these last few days because of you and you act like you don't care. I don't know what's worse, your attitude or the fact that I don't recognize you at all" and with these words Y/n turned around and looked at him with tears threatening to fall. She released herself from Jungkook's hand and turned completely towards him. She was on the verge of bursting. 

“You. Out of all people YOU are the only one who can't say that. I did everything for you Jungkook. I was always there for you when you needed me, remember? I knew when you were good, when you were sad, when it wasn't the best time to talk and when you wanted to say something but didn't know how. You needed me and I was there but when it was the other way around, were you there for me? Did you care at all?” she sighed “All this because I didn't answer to some calls and texts from you? You were so worried about me that you were always tied to Sewoon, don't tell me you were also worried about me when you were inside her. Be honest Jungkook, you only remembered me when it suited you. Admit it, when it comes to me you don't think twice." 

Jungkook didn't say anything, he looked at her as if she had just stuck a knife into him. He expected everything but this version of Y/n. He had noticed for some time she was different but he never asked her because he didn't want to bring up the subject that was bothering her hoping she’d be the one to open up to him yet it seems like it was a bad decision to wait. Maybe he should have talked to her when he noticed it, he knows he was stupid but he wasn't going to give in now. He was about to speak again when Y/n continued her speech.

“Things weren't supposed to be like this but everything is already ruined so what I'm about to say won't make a difference and honestly I'm tired of staying silent so as not to hurt other people and try to please them. That's why I'm in this shit right now, so here it goes.” Y/n looks him straight in the eyes and more tears run down her face, it's now or never. 

“I’m in love with you Jungkook”

As soon as the words left her mouth, a sob came out as well. This is where it ends and she knows it. His expression changed from angry to pure shock. She knew him very well, but at this moment she couldn't read his thoughts, everything was so confusing, he seemed so confused and she didn't understand why. She was breaking and to avoid even more suffering said

“Please let's not talk about this anymore. Things are pretty obvious and we don't need to drag this out any further. I need to close this Jungkook, I'm tired and I need--" 

“How long Y/n? How long have you felt this way?” Jungkook's look was anything but disappointed. It was a look she couldn't decipher and she also didn't know if she wanted to. Y/n looked down and replied 

“ A few months after we met and started hanging out more” Jungkook turned around and placed his elbows on the counter and his hands resting on his head.  

“And you never thought to tell me? Don't you think that would be a good thing to do?” he sounded so mad. “All this time you had feelings for me and you never said anything, never showed any signs and now I'm the bad guy for moving on with my life? And why you’re talking about Sewoon? We broke things off a long time ago and you know it. You were there!” 

“Ohh please Jungkook, anything but that. I'm not blaming you for anything, in fact, I even supported you, remember ? it was ME who introduced you to Sewoon  because YOU wanted me to! Even if I told you earlier what would change? Every time you came to me it was either because you just had a dinner date or someone had asked for your number. You love to say I'm always on your mind, I guess that I wasn’t on it those nights. I'm just the girl you would share things with and ask for advice, you don't have to be very smart to see that.” 

“Is that why you left without saying anything?” Y/n looked at him and when he saw that he wasn't getting a response, he went to her and got so close that she could see all the moles on his face, some that she hadn't even realized he had.  

“Y/n answer me. It's the least I deserve.” Even though there was some distance between them, Y/n felt trapped so she decided to move away a little, hitting her back on the counter. 

“Yes. After our conversation at the club and the way I saw you look at Sewoon I realized that there was no chance for me, not that I didn't already know, but I got the confirmation that day and the way you were more interested in going to her than hearing me confirmed my guesses once again, yet it was when you went to her and you kissed in the middle of all those people that my heart was left in pieces. I looked at you and instead of being happy that my best friend was back with the girl he's in love with, I just wished it was me in her place. I had to get out of there before everyone saw me break." Y/n cleaned some tears that were running down

"In Sewoon's eyes I'm already pathetic, but in yours? I preferred to die than to know you had that image of me. I went to the bathroom and that's when I met a friend from school, we ended up talking and exchanging contacts. She asked me if I wanted a ride and I took the opportunity to leave, that's when you found me. That night I spent at her house and she made me an offer and invited me to go traveling with her. For my mental health I accepted and only God knows what it cost me not to have said anything to you and I'm really sorry for that, I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but Jungkook you didn't care either because when I texted you back you never answered me. You can't judge my actions after having done the same thing.”

“You could never be pathetic y/n. I've always said how much I admire the way you are and I keep praising that, I would never get that impression of you. I know you went on a trip with Lisa and two other boys, Sewoon had shown me pictures of you, that's why I don't understand Y/n, none of this adds up. And I never received any text from you because unlike you, every day I checked if you had come to work, if you sent anything or if Sewoon knew anything about you. That's the reason I was with Sewoon a lot more these last few days. It's sad that I only found out that you were back because I saw your friend here yesterday, I recognized her from those photos, so I went to her and asked her about you. She told me you were coming back to work today and to show up around this time because you'd be alone. I was crazy looking for you, wondering if you were in a dead end, that's when Sewoon called me saying you were okay, hanging with some guys you probably met there. She also sent me the pictures, that's when I calmed down.”

Y/n didn't know which part made her more shocked, if the fact that Lisa spoke to Jungkook or knowing Sewoon sent the photos to him and omitted the fact that they both know the boy in question.

"Oh my god. After all this time Sewoon is still keeping you in the dark. Well just so you know the guy who posted the pictures is Sewoons ex-boyfriend, the one she left you for. Remember when she broke up with you? Yeah it was because of him. There are definitely things you should clarify with her, as she changes everything that corresponds to reality. Things that don't concern me at all and to be honest I'm tired of this conversation, it doesn't matter anymore. Things happened and it's ove, so if you don't mind it was a complicated day --” She didn't expect Jungkook to get so close to her but the truth is that they were centimeters away from each other and that was making her even more nervous and uncomfortable. She tried to get around him but he put his arms on either side of Y/n's body, trapping her there.  

"Did it work? Did you forget about me there? Did any of those guys help you forget me?”  Y/n had no response, she was completely surrendered to looking between his eyes and lips. She wasn't brave enough to grab him and kiss him, specially since he was still fooling around with Sewoon or so she thought, even tho the denied it. Still she wouldn't feel good doing that even if Sewoon hadn't been the best friend, so she did what she does best, avoided the interaction.  

“"I had fun and regardless of things I don't owe you any kind of explanation. I finally learned my lesson and you're not the exception, Jungkook. You're the rule and I don't give second chances to get me hurt, not even to you. I don't want to continue in this agony every time I see you and ask myself why others and not me? It took me a long time to get there but I finally managed to understand that as long as I don't like and accept myself as I am, neither will others and for that reason I ask you not to come here again. This is a closed subject and one that I want to bury.”  

“We’re not done having this conversation Y/n, I have to tell you some-”  

“Yes we are Jungkook, don’t you get it? I just told you I’m in love with you. My best friend who’s in love with my other best friend, who's still into her ex boyfriend. Did you even hear what I said about Sewoon?"

" I don't care about Sewoon,Y/n. Don't you fucking get it? All this time the only person on my mind was you. I tried really hard not to call you because why would I need to know where you were or who you were with. In your eyes I dated your best friend but in my eyes the only thing that connected me to her was you."

"Lisa has been fixing something she didn’t break because of how weak I was to stand for myself. I’m tired of being this innocent and naive girl everyone can step on. I'm not blaming you Jungkook, you didn't know and things turned out this way and it's okay. It's over and I think it's the best for you and me. I’ll be here if you need something but right now I don’t want to be around you. I need to fix myself before being there for you or Sewoon again and if you really care about me you’ll respect that” 

“Y/n, you're not understanding I--"

“Please Jungkook, just go. Let me do this for me and maybe we can talk about this in the future and laugh about it.” He didn't say anything else, he swallowed hard, shook his head, picked up his helmet and left, slamming the door loudly and that's when y/n collapsed. 

"I love you Jungkook. I love you so much but I can't be your second option." Y/n said as she slid down the wall, succumbing to the pain of something she never had.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995

[peterm4rker]

(𐙚⋆.˚) ghost of you

🕸🕷✮⋆ [taeyong x reader] ...୨♡୧... wc. 1.8k w. death, mention of drunk driving, grief, alcohol consumption, lmk if you find any more! angst ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

hey siri! play "ghost of you" by the 5 seconds of summer

january 27th, 2025 - 6:48pm

hey baby, i've been trying to reach you but i'm guessing you fell asleep... anyways, i have to go now, but i'll call you tomorrow, same time as always… i love you and i miss you more than i could even express. you’re my everything, remember that always… i’ll talk to you soon, okay? i'm dying to hear your voice… i love you so much, rest well my love.

january 28th, 2025 - 7:02am

yn? please answer me… your mom just called and i- this is some type of sick joke, isn't it? i refuse to believe it, i know you're just asleep, you’ll call me tomorrow, right? please, i just… i need to hear your voice again, i need to know you’re safe. i love you, baby, please be okay, please, please be okay.

january 29th, 2025 - 6:37pm

doyoung called me yesterday. uhm, when the phone rang i thought it was you for a second, i even saw your name on the screen… i guess not sleeping does that to a person. he told me he went to see your mom at your house and that he didn’t want to believe it either… we all love you so much, you know, and we miss you even though you’re barely gone... i’m going to my superipr’s office today, i need to go home to see you one last time… i love you, you’re forever my everything and i hope you know that.

january 30th, 2025 - 6:34pm

hey, baby. i got back home last night… everything is just the way you left it. i can still feel you here, i couldn’t even move to your side of the bed. there's a half drunk coffee cup on the table, it has your lipstick on it still… am i wrong for not wanting to wash it yet? i know it’s a little disgusting, but i can't get rid of it, not yet at least… anyways, i’m going to your brother’s house today to check up on him, your mom says he wont talk to anyone… i hope he’ll talk to me. i love you, baby, i miss you.

february 3rd, 2025 - 6:39pm

i dreamt of you last night, it was the first time i’ve gotten more than a single hour of sleep since you… since you left. you were there like you have been ever since i met you in that practice room so long ago. you remember that, right? when you dropped hyuck off and i spilled my soda on you? yeah, we were back there. you told me not to worry, that everything is fine. it felt different than it did before, though, because you were crying and holding my face like you do when you try to make things better… nothing is fine, yn. you’re gone, and a world without you simply cannot be anything but fucking awful. 

february 3rd, 2025 - 6:45pm

oh, and i forgot. i went to see hyuck but i didn’t get him to talk… he was on your childhood bed, the one with the pink covers… he hasn’t gotten out of your room for anything but the bathroom, so your parents are very worried. i’m gonna try to make it better, okay? i’ll help him because i know it’s destroying you to watch this from up there… i love you, always.

february 5th, 2025 - 6:33pm

hey, my love. i just got off the phone with my superior… he said i can stay home and we’ll issue when i can resume my service. i begged him to let me go back, you know… i need to be okay, i need to be busy so i don't think about you every second of every day; but he said i need to grieve in peace, so now i'm stuck here again. i’m staying with doyoung because every time i step foot at our house i feel like i’m dying inside, although i told him it’s because it’s closer to your parents, just in case they need me. i know he knows the truth, but i have to be strong, you know? they all lost you too. i love you, ill talk to you soon.

february 7th, 2025 - 3:56am

why did you have to leave me, yn? why did you decide to walk when you knew hyuck could take you to work? why on earth did you do that? i’m so mad, not only at you, but at everything. i’m mad because you shouldn’t have walked, i’m mad because some fucking asshole decided to drunk drive at five in the fucking afternoon. i’m mad because i wasn’t there… i should’ve been there to push you out of the way and then maybe it would be you sitting here at home feeling like nothing makes any sense anymore. you should be here, with me, dancing around the kitchen like we always did when we got drunk. now i’m dancing with a fucking ghost… i love you so much, but i’m so fucking mad at the world for making you leave me.

february 7th, 2025 - 6:47pm

hey angel… uhm, i’m sorry for this morning, i was really drunk and everything kind of came crashing down on me… i’m cleaning up right now because i left a mess when i came back. i shattered the coffee cup and your lipstick is gone, which made me cry like a fucking baby… i also found my old zeppelin shirt, the one you stole the first night you ever slept over. i remember you sent me a picture of you wearing it the day of the accident, it’s even my wallpaper still… but yeah, i miss you, baby, and i’m not mad at you.

february 20th, 2025 - 6:32pm

hi baby, sorry i haven’t reached out in so long, i’ve been busy trying to get my shit together… i talked to your brother today, i finally got him out of the house and we went to the park. we ate those coconut ice creams you liked so much and sat by fred the statue, hyuck cried the entire time. we talked about you, all the happy memories and how fucking funny you were, always cheering us up in our worst moments… we also talked about the big fight we had when he found out we were dating. remember that? he tried to fist fight me when he was 14 even though i was so much bigger than him. i guess he was right then, though. we were too young and dumb to know things like love. but I know better now, and i have loved you ever since the very first second i saw your pretty face.

march 17th, 2025 - 6:57pm

hello, baby, long time no see… i just got out of your memorial… your parents asked me to talk because neither of them can bring themselves to, so i did and i don't think i’ve ever looked as pathetic in my life… i can’t stop crying, even now that it’s long over… everyone was here, you know, even sion and them. i think you would’ve hated it, you always despised seeing people cry… i’m taking hyuck to our house tonight. he said he needs to be surrounded by you, so he’ll stay with me until we’re both better. you should see him now, how disarmed he is… it scares me a lot, what if i don’t do as good of a job at cheering him up as you would’ve? i mean, i can’t even get myself to stop feeling like i’m being crushed, how the fuck am i supposed to help him?... i don’t know, but i promise i’ll figure it out. i love you, ynnie, forever always.

april 27th, 2025 - 6:35pm

hey ynnie, i’m back here again… it’s been four months since you left, and i’m beginning to think it won’t get better. i thought i was, really, that’s why i stopped calling. but i went out with the guys today, and yuta broke down because he saw your name in his contacts… we all miss you so fucking much, yn. it feels like a huge part of life is missing without you by my side and it’s drowning me. i feel like i’m holding onto you like an anchor in the middle of the ocean, but i don’t want to let go… i don’t know how to. i miss you every single day; when i walk through the market, when i clean, when i watch tv. you’re fucking everywhere, and i don’t know how to appreciate that yet, it just makes me feel worse than i already do. still, it’s not your fault… nothing ever was and now nothing ever will be. i love you, just as much as i always have. 

may 16th, 2025 - 6:46pm

hey, my love. uhm, this will be the last message for a while, okay? i started going to the therapist, and he said it might be better for me to find another outlet than this one… i think he might be right, i don’t know what i’ll do the day this number gets reassigned… anyways, i wanted to let you know, even when i know you’re watching me from wherever you are. i love you, yn. i want you to know that even if you’re not here for me to tell you. i love you, i love you, i love you, i will never stop loving you.

january 27th, 2026 - 6:48pm

hey, ynnie… it’s been a while, huh? i know you’re probably scolding me from up there for calling this number again after so long, but i need you to understand me on this one. i don’t call with hopes that you’ll answer anymore, i gave up on that a long time ago… i found other ways to talk to you, and i’m sure you know that because i’ve seen the way your star flickers sometimes when i go talk to you every night. everything is better, as you know. haechan is back on his feet, he’s touring again with dream… he’s shining again, and i know it’s because you’re right by his side… your parents are better too, your dad is smiling again. everybody's learning how to live without you, even though we hate it so much… anyways, it’s very fitting that you sent that new dance coach today, she kind of reminds me of you. the boy’s said the same thing, too. still, she’s not you. and i know that’s not fair, no one could ever be you or even close… but still, it makes me miss you even more... dancing is starting to make me happy again, though my feet don't dance like they did with you... well, this turned into a pretty long message, i’m sorry for that, i’ll leave you to it and talk to you tonight, okay? i love you so much, rest well my love.

★ blue's corner ;; hey... im sorry ! i wanted to start the year with something special, and taeyong is the answer to everything in my life... i'm also forever in love with 5sos and this song in particular so i hope you enjoyed !! ★ taglist ;; @neozon3nha @winwintea @spacejip @dudekiss3r @yizhrt @lyvhie @morkiee @astrasng @taroddori ★ back to the masterlist. ★ please do not copy, adapt or steal any of the content !!! ★ divider by @roseraris

© peterm4rker, 2025

[itendtothinkalot]

beomgyu!spiderman au

summary: you and beomgyu have a normal yet budding friendship—well, mostly normal. turns out he's got a bit of a secret, and not just any secret, he's spiderman and well he doesnt want u to find out.

genre: fluff

characters: beomgyu!spiderman x f!reader

words: 4.6

a/n: idk i thought this wld be fun to write

warnings: nothing much

part 2!

It was weird. So weird that it left this hollow ache in your chest every time you thought about it. Beomgyu wasn’t like this—he wasn’t the kind of person who left you wondering, second-guessing. He’d always been so easy to read, an open book with no missing pages. If something was wrong, you’d know. If he had a secret, he’d tell you. But now? Now he was shutting you out, and you didn’t understand why.

You tried to brush it off at first. Everyone gets busy, right? He had a life, you had a life, and it wasn’t like he owed you every second of his time. But standing you up three times in one week? That wasn’t just “busy.” That was deliberate.

And you weren’t mad—you told yourself you weren’t mad. You were just… confused. Hurt, maybe. Because this wasn’t like him. Beomgyu was your best friend. The guy who had spent hours trying to braid your hair after watching some random tutorial, only to give up and suggest cutting it all off instead. The guy who knew all your favorite snacks and always bought extras just in case. The guy who swore he’d never leave you hanging.

Except now he was. And every time you tried to talk to him about it, he’d brush you off with some flimsy excuse, like he couldn’t even be bothered to lie properly.

“I was just late,” he’d say, his voice light, casual, like he wasn’t tearing you up inside.

Late? For three days straight?

It was ridiculous. But instead of pushing, you waited. Because what else could you do? You couldn’t exactly drag the truth out of him, and part of you—an annoyingly soft part—was scared of what you might hear if you did.

So you waited. You sat in your apartment, half-watching reruns of a show you weren’t even interested in, your phone next to you on the couch just in case he called. And he always did, eventually, with that same apologetic tone that somehow made it worse.

“Don’t watch it without me!” he’d said the last time you saw him, practically begging. “Promise me you won’t!”

And you had. You promised. Because that’s what you always did when it came to Beomgyu—you kept your promises, even when he didn’t keep his.

But now it had been weeks since you’d paused that stupid show, and you were starting to wonder if you’d made a mistake. Maybe you should’ve just watched it without him. Maybe you should’ve stopped waiting altogether.

You sighed, slumping further into the couch. “Stupid Beomgyu,” you muttered under your breath.

And yet, you knew the moment he showed up, all of this would melt away. Your frustration, your hurt—it would disappear the second he smiled at you, like it always did. Maybe you were too soft. Or maybe…

Maybe you felt more for him than you wanted to admit.

(You did. You absolutely did.)

But it didn’t matter, right? You shook the thought out of your head. He was your best friend. That was all. Adding feelings into the mix would only ruin things, and you weren’t going to risk that.

Still, the ache in your chest didn’t go away.

You must’ve drifted off at some point because the next thing you felt was someone nudging your shoulder.

“Hey…”

Your eyes blinked open, hazy and unfocused. And there he was, crouching in front of you with that same apologetic look.

“Gyu?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” His voice was soft, quieter than usual. “Did you fall asleep?”

You wiped at your mouth, realizing you’d been drooling. Great. “How’d you even get in? I locked the door.”

His eyes flicked to the side. “You left your keys out front again.”

“I… I don’t think I did.” You frowned, sitting up and pulling your blanket tighter around yourself. “And why’s the window open? I thought I closed it.”

“You probably forgot.” His voice was quick, dismissive.

You narrowed your eyes but let it slide. “I guess. So, where’ve you been?”

“Just out,” he said, avoiding your gaze.

“Out where?”

“The grocery store,” he muttered. “You know… stuff like that.”

“Grocery store?” You looked him up and down. “Where are the groceries, then?”

His laugh was awkward, almost forced. “Why the interrogation? I thought we were watching our show.”

“Maybe we would be if you actually showed up on time,” you shot back, the words sharper than you intended.

“I said I was out!” His voice cracked, a sudden edge of frustration breaking through. “Can we just… watch the show?”

The shift caught you off guard. Beomgyu never snapped at you—not like this. You stared at him, trying to figure out what was going on in that head of his, but his expression was locked tight.

“Fine,” you said softly, scooting over to make space for him on the couch.

He sat down beside you, a little too close, and for a moment, you thought about pressing him again. But the tension in his shoulders stopped you. Whatever was going on, he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

The room felt heavier than usual. The two of you sat side by side on the couch, eyes glued to the screen, but it wasn’t the same. Normally, there’d be sarcastic commentary flying back and forth, bursts of laughter at the ridiculous plot twists, or arguments over which character made the dumbest decisions. But tonight? Silence. The kind that didn’t just fill the air—it seeped into it, cold and suffocating.

The show was playing, but neither of you were really watching. The images moved, the characters spoke, but your mind was elsewhere, and you were sure his was too.

You stole a glance at him. His face was slightly turned away, hood pulled over his head like he was trying to shield himself from the world—or maybe from you.

And then the words slipped out, quieter than you intended.

“Are you sick of me?”

Your voice was so soft it barely felt like your own, but it cut through the silence like a sharp knife.

Beomgyu froze. For a moment, he didn’t move, didn’t even breathe. Then he turned to you, just slightly, still not meeting your eyes.

“What?” His voice cracked. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “No. Never. Why would you even think that?”

You shifted, pulling your knees to your chest and hugging them tightly. “Because… because you’ve been avoiding me like the plague. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? You’re kind of my best friend, Beomgyu.”

Your words hung in the air, raw and vulnerable.

“I know,” he said quietly, his voice laced with guilt. “I know, and I’m sorry.”

But he still wouldn’t look at you. His eyes stayed fixed on the screen, his hood casting a shadow over his face.

That’s when you noticed. He hadn’t taken it off—not once since he arrived. Beomgyu never kept his hood up indoors. He hated it, said it made him feel stuffy. 

“Beomgyu,” you said softly, sitting up straighter. “What’s going on?”

He shook his head, pulling the hood tighter around his face. “It’s nothing. I just—can we not do this right now? Please?”

Your chest tightened. The Beomgyu you knew was open, even painfully so at times. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, never hesitating to share what was on his mind. But now? He was closed off, guarded in a way you’d never seen before.

And it scared you.

You didn’t think. You just moved closer, scooting toward him until your knees brushed against his. Your hands found his cheeks, soft but firm as you turned his face toward you.

“Beomgyu…” Your voice wavered, your heart sinking the moment his eyes met yours.

Your breath caught. His face—the left side—was a mess. Swollen, raw, the kind of bruising that made your chest ache just looking at it. It wasn’t just a scrape or a tumble. It looked angry, like it had a story you didn’t want to hear.

You swallowed hard, forcing down the gasp that threatened to escape. He didn’t need that right now. Instead, you steadied your voice, though your hands trembled slightly.

“What happened?”

He tried to look away, but your hands held him there, gently but firmly.

“Nothing,” he mumbled, barely above a whisper. “I fell—”

“Bullshit.” The word came out harsher than you intended, but you didn’t care. “This doesn’t look like a fall, Beomgyu. Not even close.”

You could feel it now—the sting of tears threatening to spill. Everything from the past few weeks was bubbling up: the missed hangouts, the lies, the hood, the silence. And now this.

“Did someone do this to you?” Your voice cracked, barely holding it together.

He hesitated. His jaw tightened under your palms, and for a moment, you thought he’d lie again. But then he exhaled, defeated.

“No. I mean… yes.” He paused, his voice faltering. “I mean… kind of.”

Your brows furrowed.

“What do you mean kind of?” Your voice cracked, rising just enough to betray the knot tightening in your chest. “Beomgyu, what’s going on? Who did this to you?”

He sighed, pulling back slightly, your hands falling to your lap. “It’s nothing,” he muttered, his voice low. “It’ll heal in no time.”

“Beomgyu—”

“I’m fine,” he cut you off, avoiding your eyes.

And then—

“BREAKING NEWS!”

The sudden burst of sound from the TV made you both jump, your heads snapping toward the screen in unison.

The anchor’s voice was urgent, almost breathless. “Spider-Man vigilante almost gets caught in bank robbery two roads ahead from West Avenue earlier tonight. Witnesses report seeing him injured but still managing to escape authorities…”

“Look at how messy the world is. God, I can’t even fathom if you were out there doing stupid shit like this,” you sighed aloud, rubbing your temples and covering your face with your hands, the weight of the week catching up to you.

Beomgyu gulped audibly. “I–”

You didn’t hear him. Your eyes stayed glued to the screen, the video playing on repeat. Spider-Man, scraped up, barely getting to his feet, stumbling before launching away into the night. Something about it nagged at you, pulling at a thread you didn’t even know was there.

Instinctively, you grabbed the remote and paused the footage.

Your gaze flickered between the screen and Beomgyu.

Then back to the screen.

Spider-Man's bruise—the one on his face—was in the exact same place as Beomgyu’s.

Your heart stuttered.

You turned to him slowly, eyes scanning him up and down. He wasn’t looking at you anymore; instead, his gaze was glued to the floor, shoulders hunched. His hoodie sleeves were pulled down to his wrists, but now, the faintest hint of color peeked out—red and blue.

“Beomgyu,” you said carefully, your voice low, deliberate. “What are you wearing?”

You didn’t wait for an answer. Before he could react, you grabbed his arm and yanked the sleeve up.

And there it was.

Red and blue, unmistakable.

The fabric of the suit stretched over his skin, torn slightly in places, the bright colors muted by smudges of dirt and—was that blood?

“What. The. Fuck.”

Your words came out in a whisper, barely audible, but the weight behind them was deafening.

Beomgyu finally looked up, his wide eyes meeting yours, panic and guilt written all over his face. “I can explain,” he stammered, his voice trembling.

“You fucking—idiot.”

Your voice cracked as you spat the words, frustration laced with a trembling undertone of worry. You bolted from the living room, leaving Beomgyu staring after you with wide, uncertain eyes. A moment later, you came back, lugging your first aid kit and dumping it unceremoniously on the coffee table.

Dropping to your knees in front of him, you started rummaging through the kit, pulling out antiseptic wipes, gauze, and bandages like a woman possessed.

Beomgyu opened his mouth to say something, but you cut him off with a sharp glare. “Don’t,” you warned, your voice trembling with restrained anger. “Just sit there and let me deal with your idiocy.”

You grabbed his chin, pulling his face toward you. His eyes searched yours, but you avoided his gaze, too focused on the task at hand. The bruise on his face looked even worse up close, a deep purple that made your stomach twist in knots.

“You’re so stupid,” you murmured under your breath, the anger bubbling to the surface as you dabbed at the cut on his cheek with an antiseptic wipe. He flinched slightly, and you pressed harder, your hands trembling.

“An idiot,” you added, almost to yourself.

Beomgyu sighed, resigned to the scolding. “I know,” he mumbled.

You scoffed. “Putting yourself in danger to protect who? Huh? People who don’t even give two fucks about you?” Your voice cracked again as you pressed a little too hard with the wipe, making him wince. “You’re an idiot for doing this to yourself.”

“The biggest idiot I know,” you finished, your voice softer now, tinged with a mix of anger and worry.

Beomgyu chuckled, the sound low and almost sheepish. “You give a fuck about me,” he muttered under his breath.

Your hands froze. You looked up at him, narrowing your eyes. “What? Are you trying to say you’re doing this because of me? Because I didn’t ask you to do any of this. In fact, I didn’t even know you had spider-fucking powers.”

His lips quirked into a faint smile, amused despite the pain. “No, that’s not what I meant. I just—”

“Don’t,” you cut him off, shaking your head. “Don’t try to justify this. You scared the hell out of me, Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu watched you, his smile lingering as he took in your flustered state. This wasn’t how he imagined you’d react when you found out. In his head, you’d be awestruck, maybe even impressed. Maybe you’d finally see him as more than just your idiot best friend.

But this? The anger, the worry etched on your face, the way your hands shook as you patched him up—it wasn’t what he expected. And yet, somehow, it made him feel warm inside.

“You’re so mad at me,” he said, the corners of his lips twitching upward.

“Damn right I am,” you snapped, tying off the bandage a little too tightly.

“You’re mad because you care,” he teased, his voice soft, almost playful.

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks flushed slightly, betraying you. “I’m mad because you’re a dumbass,” you shot back, but your voice had lost some of its bite.

Beomgyu laughed, and for a moment, the tension eased. Despite everything, despite the bruises and the secrets and the sheer absurdity of the situation, you couldn’t help but smile faintly. Because, as much as you hated to admit it, he wasn’t entirely wrong.

You dabbed the alcohol-soaked cotton ball gently on his bruised cheek, your tongue poking out slightly as you focused. Your brows knitted together in deep concentration, and every time he flinched, you did too, wincing like you could feel his pain yourself.

Beomgyu bit his lip, trying to stifle a smile. Even in the middle of this mess, you looked so ridiculously cute, so endearingly worried. He wanted to tell you to stop fussing, but honestly, he didn’t want this moment to end.

“Does it hurt?” you asked softly, your voice full of genuine concern.

“No,” he lied, shaking his head.

You squinted at him suspiciously. “How about this?”

Before he could register your words, you drove your knee into his groin.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” he yelped, doubling over in pain.

You crossed your arms, glaring down at him as he clutched his stomach. “Hurts, doesn’t it? That’s how I feel every single time you’re out there fighting God knows what,” you snapped, your voice trembling with anger and worry.

Beomgyu groaned, still catching his breath, but he couldn’t stop the faint smile creeping onto his face despite the unimaginable pain. “You’re insane,” he muttered, still grimacing.

“And you’re an idiot,” you shot back, your arms still crossed, but your voice softened slightly.

“I’m fine,” he said after a moment, straightening up as best as he could. “I’ll be fine.”

“Beomgyu, you don’t get it,” you said, your voice breaking now as the worry in your chest spilled out. “Sure, you’re fine now. Sure, you’ll be fine tomorrow. But these people…they’re getting weirder, stronger. Yesterday it was a bank robber. And you saw the news two weeks ago—the Avengers are fighting aliens from outer space!”

He stayed quiet, his gaze dropping to the floor.

You took a shaky breath, blinking back tears. “We’re just kids, Beomgyu. From a small-town neighborhood. You’re out here fighting things you shouldn’t even be near. What happens when you come up against something you can’t handle?”

He looked up at you then, his face serious, but there was something tender in his expression too. “I can handle it,” he said softly, his voice steady.

You shook your head, biting your lip. “You don’t know that.”

Beomgyu hesitated for a moment before reaching out, his hand brushing against yours. “I’m not doing this because I want to,” he admitted. “I’m doing it because…because if I don’t, who will? If I can stop someone from getting hurt, then isn’t it worth it?”

Your heart ached at his words, but you couldn’t bring yourself to argue. Because as much as you hated it, deep down, you knew he believed what he was saying.

“Beomgyu,” you began, your voice trembling as you tried to steady the whirlwind of emotions inside you. “The people you’re saving out there…they mean the world to the people who love them. I get that. But you—” your voice cracked, and you took a shaky breath. “You mean the world to me.”

His eyes softened, the guilt in them deepening with every word you spoke.

“It’s not that I don’t care about what the fuck’s been happening with the world, but when they look at you, they see a hero,” you continued. “But…when I look at you, I see my best friend. The person who’s been there for me through everything. I can’t let you get hurt. I just… I can’t.”

Your words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, all he could do was watch you, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“I’ll be careful,” he said finally, his voice soft but steady. “I promise. I’ll be here. Always.”

You stared at him, searching his face for something—certainty, reassurance, anything to make you believe him. “Can I count on it?”

“What?” he asked, taken aback by the raw vulnerability in your voice.

“Can I count on your promises?” you whispered, your hands clutching each other tightly, like you were holding yourself together. “Because if anything—and I mean anything—ever happens to you, I’d feel like it’s on me. For not stopping you. For not doing enough to keep you safe.”

Beomgyu’s heart broke at your words, at the way your tears glistened in your eyes but refused to fall, as if you were fighting against your own pain for his sake. He stepped closer, his hands reaching out to gently take yours.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” he said, his voice filled with a quiet determination. “You don’t have to carry that. It’s not on you. This is my choice, and I’ll do everything I can to keep that promise to you. To always come back. To always be here.”

You wanted to believe him, but the fear in your chest wouldn’t let go. Still, you nodded, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill.

“Just… don’t make me regret this,” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

“I won’t,” he said, squeezing your hands gently. “I swear.”

But as much as you wanted to hold onto his words, you couldn’t help but feel the weight of everything: that no promise could shield him from the dangers he could face.

It had been a few hours, and all Beomgyu and you had done was lie on the couch, wrapped in each other's arms. Maybe a few tears here and there, mostly from you. Well, all from you, while Beomgyu kept insisting he'd be fine. It was a cycle of reassurance before things finally started to calm down.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" you asked, scratching the back of your neck, your voice quiet. "I thought we shared everything."

Beomgyu chuckled, clearly not taking you too seriously. "Well, look at how you reacted. Not too well, by the way."

You shot him a glare, not backing down. "What if you were in my shoes? You’d be telling me to take that suit off the second you found out."

Beomgyu smirked, clearly amused. "Well, that's because you have no athletic ability—"

You rolled your eyes. "The only reason you have athletic ability is because you got bitten by a radioactive spider. So... who’s really the winner here? Hint: it's the spider."

Beomgyu’s smirk faltered as he laughed softly, shaking his head. "Okay, you’ve got a point there. But still, it’s not about athleticism. It’s about being able to do something, anything, to make a difference."

You sighed, a little exhausted but grateful for the lighthearted moment amidst everything. "Just promise me, okay? No more secret superhero acts without telling me first."

His tone softened, the playful edge fading as sincerity took over. "I promise. Well, unless you don't pick up the phone and someone's getting robbed. I can't just sit back, right?"

You raised an eyebrow. "I trust you with some small-time bank robber armed with a knife or whatever, but an alien threatening to destroy Earth for eternity? That's a little different.”

Beomgyu’s grin returned, though there was a glint of seriousness behind it. "Okay, okay. I get it. Aliens are a little… above my pay grade," he teased, nudging you gently.

You crossed your arms, leaning back into the couch. "Exactly! See, now we're on the same page."

"Fine," he sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. "I’ll leave the big, world-ending catastrophes to the professionals." He paused, then added with a smirk, "But if there's ever a small-time villain with a bad attitude, I’ll be there. I can't resist a good bank robbery."

You shot him a playful glare. "Just remember, you’ve got me to answer to if you get yourself killed trying to stop some thief."

"Wouldn’t dream of it," he said with a wink, though there was a hint of seriousness beneath the playful gesture. "Also," he muttered, "have I told you how Iron Man's basically mentoring me?"

"The Kang Taehyun? Get your head out of your ass, Beomgyu."

"Oh, I’ve got him on speed dial! Watch this." Beomgyu pulled out his phone and dialed a number, putting it on speaker. The phone rang for a while before abruptly cutting off, the screen showing that the call had been declined.

"Well... he might've been busy. I mean, he's Iron Man." Beomgyu shrugged with a grin, clearly trying to mask his embarrassment.

You rolled your eyes. "You do realize I don't care about this whole suave superhero life you're living, right? I'm mostly concerned about your safety."

Beomgyu raised his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright, but if Mr. Kang Taehyun knocks on our door tonight, I'll just tell him to beat it. My girlfriend doesn't care."

"Girlfriend?" You raised an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look.

"Did I say girlfriend? I meant best friend. You know, because you're a girl and all…" Beomgyu chuckled nervously, quickly turning his face away from you.

“No, you said girlfriend,” you teased, raising an eyebrow. "And don't think I didn't catch that."

Beomgyu stiffened, his face turning a little red as he tried to play it off. "I—uh, I meant best friend! You know, because you're a girl and all... I—I’m just—uh, kidding. Obviously."

You crossed your arms, leaning in with a smirk. "Are you sure about that? Because it sounded like you were already claiming me as your girlfriend, Beomgyu."

“Okay, and what about it?” Beomgyu’s voice softened, his playful smirk turning into something more serious. “Let’s be real, we were this close to telling each other we liked each other anyway. So why not skip the whole confessional part and get to the point? Let’s date.”

You stared at him for a moment, unsure if you were hearing him right. The air between you felt different now, charged with something you hadn’t expected.

"Wait, are you—" You stopped yourself, suddenly self-conscious. "You’re serious?"

Beomgyu leaned back, his eyes not leaving yours. "Yeah, I’m serious. I don’t want to keep pretending like I don’t care about you more than just... this." He motioned between the two of you, his voice growing softer, yet full of conviction.

For a moment, all you could do was breathe, trying to process his words. But then, the feeling you’d been ignoring for so long bubbled up, and before you could stop yourself, you found yourself smiling.

“This is how you’re going to ask me out? Looking like Scar from The Lion King and telling me to date you while using that tone on me? This is almost too romantic,” you said, dripping with sarcasm.

Beomgyu blinked in mock offense, throwing his hands up dramatically. “Hey, Scar’s got style! I can’t help if I’m channeling his energy right now. And for the record, I wasn’t angry—I was being passionate.”

You raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a straight face. “Oh, passionate, huh? So now I’m supposed to swoon over your villainous charisma? Really selling it.”

He rolled his eyes playfully but then leaned in a little closer, his expression softening. “Look, I’m not great with words, but if you want the long, drawn-out confession, I can do that too. But you already know how I feel. I care about you. More than anyone else. So... what do you say?”

You took a deep breath, letting his words settle in, the sarcasm fading as your heart did the talking. "Well, when you put it like that...I kinda wanna hear the long, drawn-out confession.” 

Beomgyu grinned, his eyes lighting up as he straightened up. “Alright, alright, if you insist.” He cleared his throat dramatically, then looked at you with all the seriousness he could muster, though a playful spark lingered in his gaze.

“I’ve spent countless nights trying to figure out how to say this. Should I tell you how every time I see you, my heart races? Or how I can’t help but smile whenever you walk into the room, like everything’s right in the world? Maybe I should mention how I think about you more than I care to admit, even when I’m supposed to be saving the city,” he said, each word sincere, though he tried to mask it with his usual humor. “But let’s get to the point. I care about you more than anything, and I think it’s about time I stopped pretending like I’m okay with just being your friend. So... what do you say? Will you be my girlfriend?”

“If you’ll take me as your girlfriend, then yes.” 

Beomgyu's heart skipped a beat at your words, and for a moment, he forgot to breathe. He stared at you, eyes wide, as if processing what you had just said. 

A grin slowly spread across his face, softer than his usual teasing smirk. "I think I can handle that. Might be a little tougher than fighting bad guys, but if I can take them on, I can handle you, right?"

You rolled your eyes, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "Oh, so now I'm your biggest challenge, huh?" you teased, raising an eyebrow.

Beomgyu smirked, his gaze softening as he leaned in a little closer. "You’re definitely the toughest one," he said, his voice low and sincere, "but I think I'm up for it."

"Well, good luck," you whispered, your voice suddenly quieter, the teasing giving way to something a little deeper. "You’re gonna need it."

-

part 2!

[hardly-an-escape]

Hope, Actually | Buck/Tommy | 2100 words | rated T

on the last day of Christmas, this writer gave to you... some BuckTommy holiday fluff! Buck watches Love Actually and gets an idea. tags: makeup fic, christmas, love actually, tooth rotting fluff, egregious overuse of italics

Buck gets the idea three days before Christmas.

He and Tommy have been talking again, is the thing. Trying to be friends. It's tentative and a little stilted sometimes and it's… fine. Talking only makes Buck want to jump Tommy's bones about 20% of the time, and peel his own skin off an additional 30% of the time. So that leaves 50% normal conversation, which is fine.

The fact that he's still painfully in love with Tommy is maybe a little less fine, but whatever. Can you even still be in love with a person if you never said you love them in the first place? Can you love them more? Because that's what it feels like. Every time he grabs a beer with Tommy and Chim and laughs for an evening over their latest ridiculous call, he loves him a little more. Every time they text, every time they end up at the same scene or the same bar, he falls a little harder.

But they're trying to be friends, trying to be cool; so Buck takes all that love and puts it away, smashes it down and swallows it and pushes it deep into his belly, and when he feels like it's going to overflow and turn into words he takes the excess and puts it in an imaginary box and shoves it deep inside an imaginary closet. There's probably some kind of irony there, a man taking these feelings he has for another man and putting them in a closet. Buck doesn't want to think too closely about it, to be honest.

And then three days before Christmas he's over at Maddie and Chimney's house. Jee-Yun has finally gone to bed, and they're flipping back and forth between random Christmas movies and drinking wine. Well, Buck and Chim are drinking wine, and Maddie is drinking sparkling grape juice and making a face after every other sip.

"Ooh, Love Actually!" she says excitedly as Chimney channel surfs. "Buck, have you ever seen this one?"

"No… Tommy and I were going to watch it together. I guess it doesn't matter now. He said he wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving, that's why we didn't. Before," Buck says heavily.

"I remember he told me once that it was his favorite movie," Chimney says neutrally. "That was a long time ago, though."

"Yeah, he said… he said it comes across as pretty dated. He said he probably wouldn't see it the same way if he watched for the first time now," Buck says, the words suddenly tripping over themselves to get out of his mouth. He can feel the glance his sister and her husband exchange over his head. "It's like junk food, you know, like… you don't eat a Big Mac because it's a good burger, you eat it because it's what you want, because it's the same every time and there's something comforting in that, even if it's objectively not great. Tommy said… he said he thought there are better Christmas movies, and way better rom coms, but there'll always be something kind of perfect and comforting about this one…" he trails off.

"Do you wanna skip it tonight?" Chimney asks, surprisingly gently.

"No. No, it's okay, we can watch it. I don't mind," Buck says. "But I'm going to open another bottle of wine."

"God, now that you mention it, I could kinda go for a Big Mac right now," Maddie says reflectively.

Later, a little too drunk to drive home, Buck curls up in the middle of the guest bed and lets the movie swirl aimlessly through his thoughts. Tommy was right, he thinks, about it being pretty dated – he can see how some of the stories, which might have hit romantic beats in the mid-2000s, just come off as clunky, or even creepy, 20 years later.

But Buck can also see how it got under people's skin – can guess how it got under Tommy's skin. Even in the clunky stories there's a thread running through, a bigger idea about the diversity of love, about all its imperfections, about the way it can grab hold of you and surprise you whether you're at the beginning, the middle, or the end of your own story.

There's an idea there, tipsy and unformed, about him and Tommy and about what he can do with all the love he's been packing up and hiding away like the hoodie buried at the back of his drawer that only barely smells like Tommy's sweat now. By the time he wakes up and finishes making everybody breakfast, the idea has solidified into a plan.

He has to visit two different office supply stores to get what he needs, and it takes him most of that afternoon to figure out what he wants to write, saving draft after draft in the notes app of his phone before he ever puts marker to paper. At some point he remembers to text Lucy to ask whether Tommy's on duty Christmas Eve or whether he'll be at home.

He's not on the duty roster but I don't know if he has plans, she texts back. Want I should find out?

yes please, he sends. I'm gonna do sthg stupid and i need him to be home for it.

Thank God, one of you idiots needs to figure your shit out before I'm subjected to his sad breakup playlist one more time.

he has a breakup playlist???

An hour later Lucy texts again to let Buck know that she told Tommy she had some stuff to drop off for him, and he said he wasn't planning to leave the house. So the plan is a go.

On Christmas Eve, Buck waits until after dark to drive over to Tommy's house. He's got three dozen thumbprint cookies in tins, a carefully ordered stack of poster board, and about a thousand butterflies in his stomach. This is either going to go really well, or really poorly, and he's honestly not sure which outcome to expect. But he has to do something – he has to try.

He wishes it were snowing. It's barely cool enough to need a jacket. But that's Los Angeles in the winter for you.

Tommy has this particular smile. Buck saw it pretty often when they were first together. It's not his favorite of Tommy's smiles; it's too restrained, starts out wide and then gets reined in, tamped down, as if he suddenly remembered that he's not supposed to be that happy, or not allowed to show it if he is. Buck is pretty sure it's the smile of someone who'd spent a long time being more or less punished for joy, and whatever else happens between them, he's glad that he saw it less and less over their months together.

But Buck sees that smile again when the front door swings open, when Tommy reflexively smiles big, the one that reaches his eyes, when he sees Buck on the porch – and immediately schools his face into something more reserved, more professional. Friendly, but not too friendly.

"Hey. What's up? What –" he trails off as Buck hits play on his phone and Christmas music comes from the Bluetooth speaker at his feet. He picks up his stack of poster board cards and shows Tommy the first one.

Say it's carol singers, it reads in Buck's uneven chicken scratch handwriting.

"Buck, nobody else is here," Tommy says.

Buck frowns and brandishes the sign again. Tommy's smile softens into something wistful, almost sad. "It's carol singers," he calls exaggeratedly over his shoulder to the empty house and turns back to Buck with an expectant look.

Buck flips to the next sign. I watched this movie the other day, it says. I didn't think it was that good TBH.

Sign number three: But I think I understand why people still like it so much.

Tommy crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow.

Buck flips to the fourth sign. I think it's a movie about hope. That no matter how much you fuck up there will still be a way for love to find you.

He had to write pretty small to fit all that on one sign, so he holds it up a little longer and watches something flash across Tommy's face as he reads. He waits until Tommy looks up again to go to the next card.

And now it's Christmas, it says. And at Christmas you tell the truth.

The playlist is on a rendition of "Joy to the World" that couldn't possibly be performed by anything less than a professional eight-part a cappella group. Buck flips to the next card.

You're not perfect, it reads in big letters. The "not" is underlined multiple times. Tommy laughs a little bit, and Buck doesn't think he's imagining the fact that it sounds a little wet, like maybe Tommy is choking up a little.

The next sign: (And neither am I.) We've both fucked up + I'm sure we will again. He's not happy with how this one looks. He'd tried about seventeen times on various pieces of scrap paper to get the damn ampersand right and eventually had to settle for the stupid little plus sign like a middle schooler.

But I still have hope. I have hope for love. I have hope for us. Almost to the end now.

The second-to-last card is a simple one. And… I'm hoping you have hope too. Merry Christmas Tommy.

Buck bends down and takes his time stopping the music and turning off the Bluetooth speaker; straightens up slowly, poster board clutched to his chest. He can't quite meet Tommy's eyes, too afraid of what he might see there, so he looks down at his own shoes until the toes of Tommy's house slippers shuffle into view.

Two gentle fingers tip his chin up. It's so familiar, Buck almost expects a kiss, but instead Tommy just looks at him, soft and tender and achingly open.

"Thank you, Evan," he says, and it doesn't escape Buck's notice that he was Buck when Tommy first opened the door, and he's back to being Evan now.

"It's really not a great movie, Tommy," he says, a little helplessly. "I liked the story about the dad and the kid, and the one with the naked people was pretty good, but this guy?" He shakes a sheet of poster board and it makes that little wooby wooby sound. "Total creeper. And the prime minister is an HR violation waiting to happen, and I don't know if they even have HR in England…"

He trails off, because Tommy is chuckling. Tommy is laughing at him, and his smile is big again, spreading over his face from the corners of his eyes all the way down to the cleft in his chin, and it's one of the more beautiful things Buck has ever seen.

"You're not wrong, Evan," he's saying. "I think I told you, you know, it's like junk food, you don't eat it because it's good, you eat it because it's –"

"It's what you want." They're standing close together, now. Almost close enough that Buck can feel Tommy's breath against his cheek. He can still feel the ghost of his fingertips under his chin.

He's really not sure what to do now. His plan hadn't developed this far, beyond a kind of half-baked daydream of Tommy immediately falling into his arms and passionately declaring his love, although actually neither of them is quite that kind of guy. But luckily, Tommy seems to have an idea where to go.

"Do you want to stay for a bit?" he asks. "Maybe watch a better Christmas movie? Maybe… maybe talk some things over?"

"Yes," Buck is saying before the last sentence finishes emerging from Tommy's mouth. "Yes, please. I brought you cookies. They're in the car, I couldn't – I couldn't carry them and hold the signs at the same time."

"How about I take these," Tommy says, taking the stack of posters from Buck's suddenly nerveless fingers, "and you go get the cookies, and you come inside for a while?"

"Okay," Buck says, and does that.

Just under a year later, when they're decorating for their second Christmas together, Tommy unearths the signs from a plastic tub of fake garland. Evan laughs at himself while they hang ornaments on the tree, still a little embarrassed. I can't believe I thought that would work, he says. I can't believe it did work.

I can, Tommy says, and holds up a plastic sprig of mistletoe, and reels him in for a kiss.

read on AO3 >>>

[yandere-fics]

♡ You Kill Theanna But She Returns ♡

(The garden won't let Theanna die and it grows attached to you too.)

♡ Out of everything you predicted might happen to you from killing the crown princess, executions, being hunted for the rest of your life, general public scorn, you had not expected to be mocked by the very person you seduced and poisoned to death the night prior arriving at the ball, the same ball you intended to meet up with the person who had contracted you, and propose to you. You were sure she was dead, you'd seen her corpse, you'd heard the servants shriek and the court mage being called for but here she was only looking slightly worse for wear with what you were sure what a flower growing out of her palm though you shut your mouth about that observation because there was a chance you'd gone crazy and that was just another thing you were imagining, maybe you hadn't killed her. Maybe you'd not poisoned her but had given yourself a hallucinogenic. That seemed way more likely than her being here despite being dead the night prior. If that was the case you would have to try again though. ♡

♡ Regardless you said yes, what else were you supposed to do? You had failed to kill her, whether it was because you'd actually dosed yourself somehow despite being an accomplished assassin or she had come back to life. You would figure out how you were going to try to kill her again later. Some part of your gut told you the flower had something to do with her coming back to life but you couldn't really figure out how that would make any sense. You usually didn't ignore your instincts, that was how you'd killed so many over the years but you had to press your instincts down this time. Even if it had been true it wouldn't have benefitted you in any way. ♡

"You left the room last night before I could speak to you properly darling." You sucked in a breath, so she knew something had occurred last night. She probably knew everything and if that was the case then there was a chance she definitely had come back to life. You were screwed, how were you supposed to kill someone who could come back to life? If she knew though, why would she still propose to you? Revenge? "My queen shouldn't be messing with poisons, perhaps I should keep you in our chambers until you learn better."

"What-" She cut you off kissing you softly.

"Don't worry, you couldn't kill me even if you had tried another method, my queen. Now just smile for the people, they need to see their new queen." She pulled you back into the main ballroom smiling widely as she announced your marriage, while you tried your best not to look horrified.

♡ So she had definitely died that night. You realized that very quickly because despite being forced to be by her side at every moment she never ate nor drank. You weren't sure what had brought her back but something had and so any hopes you had of killing her again through a poisoning method would not work. You'd try stabbing next. You were determined to finish this contract. Not just because it was a lot of money you had been offered but also you did not want to marry her under any circumstances and the days towards your wedding were slowly counting down. There was only so much stalling you could do by asking for ridiculous things like a wedding dress with a train so long twenty people needed to carry it. ♡

♡ The next time you tried to kill her you had a knife to cut your steak and pounced on her the moment everyone else left the room, suddenly being thrown back from… a vine? All she did was remove the knife from your hands and calmly cut your steak. You were never allowed to cut your own food from that point onwards. You snuck another knife away to attempt it again in her sleep but… that stupid vine happened to stop it yet again. Theanna grumbling when she woke up to see your expression, pulling you down to the bed while mumbling something about how you had to start behaving yourself as her queen. ♡

The vine had begun to make more frequent appearances now that you had tried to kill her yet again. Mostly preventing you from walking away from Theanna, holding you in place as she ravished your body, swatting your wrist slightly any time you attempted to even grab a butterknife or pen. Theanna didn't really acknowledge it other than a light chuckle any time to vine wrapped around you. You weren't really sure how much of it she controlled though or if it was a separate entity. It was clearly related to whatever it had that had kept her alive. Killing her would be impossible with the vine around. You decided you'd be better off escaping.

♡ It had taken a lot of convincing to get Theanna to leave you in your bedroom while she went to work in her office. You'd slipped out the window and had taken off running into the forest as quick as you could. You ignored how it felt like there was a force trying it's best to keep you near the castle. Probably the same force that had brought her back to life. It didn't take long for Theanna to catch up to you, yet another vine coming out to grab you, carrying you and setting you bridal style in Theanna's arms who merely grinned. ♡

[sombredancer]

The best cdrama of 2024

is The Spirealm. I love it, love it, LOVE IT! Beware of being heavily spoiled ahead! What I was fond of: 🔑It's a nice story about finding love a true friend and a reason to live even if you are very lonely and abandoned by everyone, and it's full of tenderness and jokes. (Sometimes these jokes were so BL that I thought this drama should have been shot in Taiwan).

LQS: *whispers* I'm a dedicated materialist, I'm a dedicated materialist... RLZ: Yeah, yeah, I got it... RLZ: 👀... RLZ: If you are a materialist, why don't you say it to her? LQS: ... LQS: I'm not a that dedicated materialist! RLZ: ... RLZ: RUN! The main heroes are going the whole way from this:

RLZ: If you are not capable of passing even your first trial, you are worthless. to this:

Calmly accompanying each other on their way to the doom. 🔑 I love its lore and the detective part. As far as I watch cdramas, I try to avoid Chinese detectives because they are very fairytail-ish and don't allow you to participate mentally in the investigation. But it's not that case! (Who knew we would find real detective cases in a horror drama!). You can participate in investigation and even find out the truth before the main heroes will, and it's... pleasant. Btw, the mystical detective cases are so different in their levels of horror and mystics that you def will find something to please you even if you are a horror movies hater like me.

🔑 The horror stories were re-made for the adaptation in a very interesting way. Every monster is related to the inner pain of the main hero: they are betrayed, traumatized, abandoned by people they loved, just like him. So he feels pity and sorry for them and redeems them instead of killing. And, moreover, it makes impact throughout the whole story, on the main hero's 11th door as well on his relationship with his lover.

🔑Speaking of traumatized monsters. The first time I ugly cried over this drama was a story of the 4th monster. The monster! Made me cry!

But of course it wasn't the last time I cried my eyes out. The secondary characters of this drama are lovable, too. And the lore mechanics makes the awaiting of death so unbearable painful... You physically can feel the huge weight of characters' despair when they know that they or their dearest will die in a few minutes and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing they can do about it. This level of pain is something else, indeed.

But the most painful scene, where I cried the hardest, was not a scene of someone's death, but a scene of interaction between the main hero and his mother. She told him not to show up again, because she has a new family now, and was about to throw his school dreams and memories into the dump. What kind of mother she is!!😡

🔑And the most important thing about this drama: all detective cases allow you to restore the main story, piece by piece. And this story is about bone-piercing loneliness. The main hero was bullied in school, abandoned by his family and betrayed (kind of) by his best friend. His life was meaningless before he met his partner, the only person who returned to him the reason to live. But he happened to be a monster made specifically for the main hero to accompany him to the 12th door, a virus that needed to get to the 12th level with the help of the main hero to destroy the game. But the main hero's kindness to other un-humans, his ability to understand their pain despite of who they are, melted even monster's heart and made him genuinely love the main hero. It's truly sad that the main hero refused the real world and spent all his years left to make the world of his dreams and to get his lover back, but it's a story about loneliness, so I can't blame him. In his place, I would do the same.

The first meet

and the last. And the last but not least: I adore the technical part of this drama! I love RLZ's costumes! They are classical yet not really standard, make him conspicuous and give a feeling to a viewer that he is someone special. That he is somehow ethereal.

But he is not the only one whose clothes are saying. The White Deer people have their own style as well, so you can understand almost immediately that the characters in strange and pretentious clothes are related. And the main villain's costumes tell a lot about his personality.

And the set designs! They were marvelous! They gave me a feeling of vastness, as if the characters really were in other, spacious worlds.

And the soundtrack! I love it! It's such a shame that iQIYI didn't publish BGM and OST officially. But I found some of the tracks on YouTube. My favorites are the soundtrack to the 4th case: 森川-佐子 here and the variations of the door theme: 门 (变奏) here and 门 (门中门) here. Love it and highly recommend! 💙

[makib1tch]

ummm all of them 😅

OKAY OKAY THISLL BE LONG BUT ILL TRY

the character everyone gets wrong : Alnst Luka. LIKE I GET THAT PEOPLE DONT LIKE HIM BUT HE ISNT THE VILLAIN. THE ALIENS ARE THE FUCKING VILLAINS. Like I lowkey feel like he doesn’t understand that what he’s doing is wrong. Like he wants to survive. Thats how the alien taught him too. DONT GET ME STARTED ILL RAMBLE WAY TOO FUCKIN MUCH

a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom: uhhh my fav is Aventurine and I see him as a switch sooooo….idk 🥲🥲🥲🥲.

screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr : uuuuuuh idk sorry

what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person? : idk if it counts but like I had a friend I vented to her and told her I $h and she started to insult me and yea I was having a panic attack and blocked her

worst discord server and why : I’m never on discord so idk

which ship fans are the most annoying? Not all of them (I sometimes ship it too) but aventio/ratiorine/call them what u want idc. Like. There are ratiorine shippers who are like "OOOOHOOHH AVENTURINE IS SUCH A HORNY BOTTOM WHOREEE AND RATIO IS A HORNY DOM EUZKZKALALAL" and then they go and ruin the entire fucking characters. Like I like the ship when it’s done right. When they respect the fuckin characters. Not when they ship them out of pure horniness. BUT NOT ALL OF THEM. Oh and it’s the same for Ruikasa (pjsk) shippers.

what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? : I used to hate Ratio. Because of the weird ratiorine shippers.

common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about : THAT LUKA FROM

ALNST IS THE VILLAIN

worst part of canon : idkidkkdk

worst part of fanon : idk too sorry im shit at ask games

number of fandom-related words you've filtered : none

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them : Alnst Luka. Again with him. HES SUCH A FUCKIN INTERESTING AND COMPLEX CHARACTER ILOVE HIM

worst blorboficiation : the fuck is that?

that one thing you see in fics all the time : in x reader like "you have blue eyes and black hair" THEN NO THATS NOT AN X READER

that one thing you see in fanart all the time: aaaaaahh idkk I see way too much fanarts everyday

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) : Hyuna x Luka. I don’t understand. They’re so toxic like

there should be more of this type of fic/art: anyone comforting aventurine. My baby needs comfort. I love him. I want to hug him

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on... : i don’t think people have been sleeping on but idk she still doesn’t get enough credit everyone go read @aventurineswife ‘s fics they’re so fuckin good.

you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like... : those x reader fics that are written out of straight up horniness. They be having the most obscene and devious devilish things.

part of canon you found tedious or boring : the whole xianzhou luofu quest ig. Expect for Tingyun I love her. But like idk I was kinda bored in it. Maybe it’s just me idk

part of canon you think is overhyped : Himekos death in csm. Like I saw people being super sad but like…idk. I didnt feel sad for her. I felt bad for Aki since he was sad yeah. But Himeko like her death didn’t do anything for me.

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores : AAAAAAAH IDK IM SORRY

ship you've unwillingly come around to : Ratiorine, I used to hate it. Now I like it. (I’m not sure I understood the question lmao)

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse : The hospital scene in the End of Evangelion. I don’t have to explain. I think just no one should talk about it.

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing : "Denji is a dumb pervert."

OK FINALLY FINISHED I TOOK WAY TOO FUCKIN LONG TO ANSWER THIS

I’m shit at ask games sorry lmao

[atgvnpoint]

Benji nodded softly as he let out a soft scoff. ❝Same. Never took kissing seriously either. Same for having sex with people.❞ But things changed when Ludovic came into his life. It was something Benji should keep reminding himself about especially now that Amaru clouded his mind again. ❝Yeah, I know that. Experienced the same.❞ Benji sighed softly. He never talked to anyone about this experience he made with the brother's father, but it still remained in his memory which he revisits from time to time. ❝It was, well. He seemed nice at first but also hurt when Ludovic disclosed that we got married without him knowing. But that didn't last too long, it was like a switch that turned and he told Ludo that I should give them money because I look like I have enough of that. Things escalated. You know your brother, he told me to wait outside. When I went back inside it was horrible. They were both bleeding and Ludo nearly killed him.❞ The young man pressed his lips together and lowered his head. At the same time, he held tighter to Amaru's hand. ❝Don't tell Sofia. We went to her after that but never told her the full story.❞

As soon as Amaru settled down next to him, Benji turned his head to face him again. With his thumb, he traced over the back of Amaru's hand. A sigh fell from his lips, but not because of Amaru's words in general. ❝It's true. Sometimes I wish we never met. But not because of Ludo and me but because of you. Ludo and I have our problems, and we always will.❞ And with that he meant Dove. Some might argue that Dove wouldn't have come into the picture without Ludovic's hospital stay but Benji thinks otherwise. And now they were at the point where Benji remained a silent observer. He saw his husband's stares, he saw the interactions between Dove and Ludo, he saw the likes online, and how Ludovic stared more than once at pictures. And most importantly, he recognized the slight change in tone when the topic came to Michele's crush on the nurse. Despite being an overly jealous person, Benji wasn't delusional. His eyes closed after leaning his head on Amaru's shoulder. ❝Maybe, I didn't try hard enough to make you hate me. I admit, I never tried at all.❞ The skin on his hand tingled a bit at the kiss, it was enough to bring him back to reality. Benji turned his head and placed a kiss on Amaru's shoulder. ❝I'm not sure if marrying Ludo a second time is the right decision. And no, it's not your fault. Just saying, that you should not think about Ludo and me, but only about yourself. When something is supposed to end, it ends. And you will find a person, who is much better than I can ever be.❞

AT LEAST one of them was happy. Sofia found someone who makes her day and that alone makes him feel happy, it filled the empty hole within his chest at times. Other times, it definitely hurt. However, Benji didn't need to know how much his absence hurt more than anything. His actions had consequences and this is the karma he's paying, forever living with a love that will never be fully reciprocated. The eerily silence thankfully lasted a short time, Amaru communicated and shared his time as a kid. His first kiss was with a dear friend. A friend they both had in common. "It wasn't eagerness or feeling desperate, i was just curious. Trudy knew what she was doing, i saw her kiss a couple guys so why not ask her to teach me. Kissing my pillow at night would be weird." he chuckled, trying to make light of the topic. "Yeah, first time kisses are special. I never had any special ones." he said, but he bit his tongue not wanting to say his special kiss has been with Benji only. "That happens, giving kisses to people who don't deserve it. But i never took kissing serious for many years." he shrugged. For once they seemed to be bonding, if felt nice, although they brought up not so great memories of their poor decision making, this was the start ( hopefully ) for better things to come. Amaru didn't expect Ludovic taking him to their old home, jaw clenched the more he heard Benji. "The house had great memories after awhile. You did ? haven't seen him in years, he only comes around asking for money. I'm sure you already know that." Brown hues looked at their laced fingers, probably a dumb move and Amaru didn't care. Thankfully, Benji didn't pull his hand away.

Once he sat down next to the other, Benji's words didn't help. Being close to him felt like a lost item that's been found. He tried to run away from his feelings, his sadness, his pain but he always kept coming back. It was Benji who held him down to the ground. " I couldn't." his answer short and sweet that held so much truth that it hurt. Amaru looked at Benji as he spoke, pulling on the strings of his heart as he always did. "I'm not Benji, i tired to love. Find someone else, i can't find paradise if you're not in it. Wish all of that was true, meeting you first but then again, i'm sure there's a part of you that also wished we never met. A problem less for you and Ludo." Amaru held his gaze on Benji until he leaned his head on his shoulder. "No. I hate myself for causing you and my brother so much trouble. It's me who should be sorry. And like i fool i keep coming back. You know, i tried hating you when i left hoping that would cure it all. Nothing." His words soft no hint of malice in them. Bringing the other's hand to give it a quick kiss. "Funny how life and love works right."

[quietwingsinthesky]

Dean is such a paradox for me because on the one hand, I have been actively triggered by him in the show, there are moments where, intentionally or not, the writers managed to create a portrayal of manipulation and abuse and control issues that it sets off actual alarms for me. And on the other hand, I would not have him any other way. There is something — not comforting, that’s too soft a word — about knowing where Dean’s actions stem from, having seen and learned all that we do about his childhood neglect and parentification and the trauma he goes through repeatedly in the show, and that he doesn’t come out clean. He comes out a goddamn mess who ends up hurting the people around him in reaction to his own pain!

There’s a reality there that’s. Almost nice, actually. Distressing to watch, but it is a fucking mess, it’s a good mess! He’s got zero healthy coping skills and a healthy relationship with say, his brother, is terrifying because it leaves him open to abandonment!

I’m not sure I’m wording this correctly. There is a way to be a good abuse victim. Take the pain, martyr yourself on it, and then, even if you have no support or idea how to, then you have to become a Good Person who never hurts anyone the way you have been learning to your entire life. Simply toss everything that shaped you out the door and emerge a saint with a tragic backstory. And Dean is not that. And that’s so fucking good. Everything that he has gone through continues to effect the way he treats the people around him, and he can’t fight the behaviors he might recognize as harmful because he also sees them as protecting him (or protecting Sam by keeping Sam with him.)

And sometimes, idk. It feels good to see a guy who didn’t heal the “right way.” Who mostly didn’t heal at all, just keeps the wound open because it’s easier that way.

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

the internet: yeah to practise harm reduction you go for areas that have more flesh to avoid going too deep and needing medical attention

me, an idiot: let's pick this spot anyway, how bad can it be. ...how did i get that deep that quickly

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee