#Is the whole thing just a metaphor for determinism? Are they fighting to own their legitimate free will?

[kyouka-supremacy]

Hii! About the poll, what i'm most excited to see is the ada finding out about the page. I remember being so thrilled when i read it and i NEED to see this animated

also excited to see my favorite clown, he's iconic

Actually, yes, yes!!!!!!!!! I constantly see people praising bsd for its innovative plotline and creative story, and more often than not I find myself disagreeing with such takes, but the element of a book that creates reality I find just brilliant. The meta element of characters (that are also authors!) of a story whose developments are conditioned by someone (an author! that is also a character!) writing on a book is so compelling. It creates this loop of authors-characters-authors-characters that exits the manga and translates to the real author themselves writing the bsd story, and it's delicious!!! It makes the reader feel like they're a character too ahah. When the page got torn I got goosebumps, I can't wait to see that unfold!!!!!!!

Tell me what you are most excited to see in the new season!

[pagannatural]

2.01

In My Time of Dying

-Dean looks like he’s witnessing a miracle when he first sees at Sam at the hospital.

-Sam can hear and/or sense Dean at least three times while Dean’s unconscious. He’s the only one. He can’t do this with anyone else at any point. Further evidence their connection is metaphysical.

-Dean references Ghost, a movie about a woman and the ghost of her lover. 👀

-Sam is appalled that John can think of anything but Dean when Dean might die, but Sam was ready to blow right past the possibility of saving John in order to get revenge last episode. One thing about Sam is that he really loves Dean more than anyone else and he won’t say it, but it comes out at times like these. I think Sam would feel pathetic if he actually said it.

-Sam is unwilling to entertain the idea of Dean dying. He sees the car and says that when he gets better he’s gonna want to fix it, and Sam knows his brother because he’s absolutely right.

He won’t let Bobby scrap Dean’s car, which is a metaphor for Dean’s life. Sam is ready to accept whatever condition Dean wakes up in. It’s also cute that Sam sees the impala as Dean’s, not John’s. It makes me wonder how many drives Dean took Sam on when they were younger, if Dean often snuck him away for little hang-outs like the fireworks. If they started lying on the hood looking at the stars when they were teenagers.

-That moment Sam says “felt like Dean” is this moment in the hallway outside of Dean’s hospital room

so what Sam is feeling as Dean is this reassuring, caretaking, determined presence promising not to leave him and promising to fight.

-The spirit board scene is one of my favorite scenes ever. What is it about this scene? There’s this sweet innocence to it, and the fact that they’re reaching across a veil to communicate because they just can’t let go of each other. It makes their relationship look really intimate and separate from everyone else. Sam saying “don’t make fun of me,” Dean grumbling that he feels like he’s at a slumber party, Dean sitting across from Sam and watching him. That moment when Dean touches the planchette, Sam is so happy to actually feel him, and Dean is in awe that he can. They need this contact.

Sam goes “it hasn’t been the same without you, Dean” and then the planchette moves and he says “Dean, what?” and then “Dean is it after you?” Sam really likes saying Dean’s name. He says it all the time. People like saying their crush’s names.

-Sam sits on Dean’s bed, his knee against Dean’s leg, and looks at Dean’s face. Ghost-Dean stands next to Sam, looking at Sam’s face. There’s something really intimate about them gazing at each other like this, with Sam not knowing Dean is looking at him too. They wouldn’t be talking so intimately if Dean were lying there looking back at Sam. Kind of like when you’re talking to someone before bed with the lights out and it feels easier to say what you mean.

-“We were just starting to be brothers again.” If this is them just getting started at being brothers again I would kill to see what they were like at their worst closest.

There’s so much in the word “brother” for them. It comes up over and over. I don’t think they ever do this with any other relationship word- neither ever tries to explain their love for John by saying “he’s my dad” with tears in their eyes. It’s like a sacred title. There’s no way they can express what they are to each other, so they use this word that’s only ever applied to each other and that carries their whole history.

The point their relationship has reached now is that Sam trusts Dean completely, Dean needs Sam, and they’re each others’ top priorities. Were they like that right up until Stanford or did something happen before then?

John wrote in his journal about them not getting along as well as they used to when Sam gets into his teens, and speculates that it’s from living in Dean’s shadow. But John was also aware that his boys had their own world that he didn’t have access to, and even very attentive parents often miss quite a bit of what’s going on with their teenage kids.

What we see in teen-era flashbacks is a Sam who resents Dean for being “cool,” a Dean being protective of Sam but also respectful. We see a girl who’s dating Dean only because she thinks maybe he’s not as much of a tool as he seems based on how sweet he is to his little brother. We have Dean and Sam burning down a field when they sneak away to light fireworks, Sam wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist in delight. And we have Sam only wanting to talk to Dean about a case over the phone-not John- and asking for Dean’s advice. They were still close. We know Sam ran away from home once and Dean was out of his mind worried before finding him.

And based on “Providence” Sam and Dean both know Sam feels some type of way about Dean, which would’ve happened pre-Stanford.

And then Sam didn’t tell Dean about Stanford and they didn’t talk for years and Dean thinks Sam must hate him and Dean hates himself but Sam looks at him like a puppy in love. And now “we were just starting to be brothers again.” I wonder what happened for them to both know why Sam isn’t interested in dating when he’s with Dean, and if it had to do with this.

-Sam asks “can you hear me” to an empty room- Ghost Dean isn’t there. It shows how alone Sam feels without Dean.

-Dean objects to dying because he thinks Sam will die without him. This would be an insane thing to think in any other circumstances but I can see why he would think that (see: the babysitting years, the fire at Stanford, etc).

-Sam loves Dean so ferociously. He fights hard for him. He’s protective of Dean to John the whole episode, and it makes me think he’s always been mad at John not just for himself but for Dean too.

-John tells Dean he will have to either save Sam or kill him. Dean’s contract with John previously was always to save and care for Sam. Now saving him has a different and more religious meaning.

-So John thanks Dean for taking care of both him and Sammy, tells him he may have to kill Sam, and then dies. Iconic.

[yarameijer]

On Keshin and Hissatsu

OKAY SO BUCKLE UP Y’ALL CUZ I’M GONNA RANT ABOUT KESHIN AND HISSATSU, or at least my interpretation of it, SO LET’S GO. Also I apply anime logics so shhh some things will be questionable (but we’re literally talking about GIANT SPORT AVATARS AND MAGICAL SUPER SHOTS so what did you expect????)

(This does not take the games into account, by the way, so there might be inconsistencies.)

I guess the place to start is simple: what are Keshin?

According to the Inazuma wiki, officially Keshin are described as “the ability to show a user's spiritual energy”, literally translated as their “fighting spirit”. This, obviously, doesn't tell us much. From the Keshin development we see in the anime, mostly from Tenma, this ‘’spiritual energy’’ seems to be a thing that people already have, just unused and out of reach until they are adequately motivated to use it. Tenma shows signs of his Keshin aura in the very first episode, when he stops Tsurugi’s Death Sword, a moment where he was highly determined and completely focused on one task - requirements for ‘unlocking’ a Keshin. Shortly after Shindou unlocks his Keshin, again during a moment with very high stakes and his resolve is clear (‘’fighting spirit’’).

It’s safe to assume that before a Keshin is unlocked as a Keshin, it’s already present simply as spiritual energy that’s not noticeable in daily life. Through training and willpower, it can be mastered and revealed and take on the shape of a large avatar that is specific to its user, which is classified as a Keshin.

This idea is again further supported by comparing Tenma and Shindou’s situation - both without any prior Keshin training but responding to a very high stakes moment, and yet Shindou is the one who actually manifests a Keshin while Tenma merely shows signs. Why? Because Shindou is an experienced soccer player and Tenma, while having done his own training, is still a newbie. Tenma begins showing more signs of Keshin usage throughout the anime while also becoming a better soccer player and likely increasing his stamina.

Which is one of two parts that I imagine is necessary for Keshin usage. Willpower/determination and physical training. Using a Keshin - controlling this spiritual energy - will take its toll on the physical body. After all, it’s stated multiple times in the anime and the movie that you can only call forth a Keshin a limited amount in a short time and that SEEDs can increase this limit through training - furthermore, whenever Keshin users say they’re at their limit, it’s coupled with them being out of breath, looking tired, sometimes kneeling on the ground. Clearly, using a Keshin is demanding on the body. Therefore to use a Keshin, someone needs to be physically fit enough to handle the strain.

The second part, willpower, is likely why not every adequate soccer player has a Keshin. It takes tremendous resolve and especially Fifth Sector’s type of soccer - controlled, decided, flat - does not bring the type of situations where someone would find themselves in a position to reveal their Keshin. I imagine that after Fifth Sector has been demolished, Keshin usage increases. But not only does a Keshin take willpower, it also takes focus. That was Tenma’s problem in the anime; he wasn’t focused enough in situations where he otherwise showed signs of Keshin usage, which makes sense.

Remember when he first gains his Keshin? Endou puts him as keeper, to get him to focus. Tenma is a midfielder, a dribbling expert, and ‘the wind’ is literally used as a metaphor for him, all the time. Tenma’s fluid, constant movement, flowing around obstacles rather than hitting them head-on; he’s an incredibly dynamic player and the whole field is his stage, there’s no standing still for him, there’s no pure, single-minded focus when he’s constantly looking for new places to move towards. Putting him as keeper grounds him in a way nothing else does. He can’t move away because he’ll leave the goal vulnerable, and when faced with a frontal attack? He finally focuses.

So that’s how someone gains a Keshin. To be honest, I quite enjoyed the slow buildup we got for Demon God Pegasus - Tenma showing signs, not even realizing it himself in those moments, training for it, having specific training to handle the blockade - I would’ve liked to see more of that with other characters, rather than them getting their Keshin with no prior warning. Would’ve been very interesting and also given more insight to their character and playing style!

But now for the next question - what designs a Keshin? They’re all highly diverse, yet some people have the same ones. And ooh this is a part I like.

Who have diverse Keshin? The entire Raimon cast. Strong individual players of other teams.

Who share Keshin? Nameless SEEDs.

Yeahhh. Fifth Sector obviously has an interest in Keshin - they’re ridiculously powerful when you don’t have a Keshin yourself - but as mentioned before, their soccer leaves a lot to the imagination. It's not a great way to stimulate developing a Keshin. However, Fifth Sector has a specialized secluded training facility for SEEDs. Yes, I'm talking about God Eden. 

God Eden, where these types of scenes are apparently normal.

I quote. “Bring out your Keshin. If you don’t, you will lose your life!” What kind of training is this? 

Also, who did we see with “standard” Keshin? Oh, I remember! Zero and Dragon Link. Teams that are both about as indoctrinated as they can get.

Brainwashing, abusive training, who knows what else Fifth Sector does to make their perfect soldiers. Whereas everyone who's developed a Keshin naturally has their own individual Keshin, with bright colors and details that match their person, these SEEDs seem to have been stripped of their entire identity for the sake of gaining a Keshin - ones that, I headcanon, might even have their own specific training regimes with the purpose to gain that specific Keshin.

As for everyone else… their Keshin are, above all else, individual, and fit their personality. Tsurugi has a knight. Shindou has a music conductor, a puppet master, someone who ‘leads’ and instructs other people - and Shindou is a strategist before all else (with a musical background too). Taiyou, literal sunshine child, has the Greek sun god as his Keshin.

Anyway, I’m getting back into Keshin designs in a bit, because I first need to talk about something else.

Hissatsu.

What are hissatsu, and how are they related to Keshin? Officially, they are simply described as “special techniques”, nothing more. One thing we can,  however, gather is that they’re very similar, and both involve some sort of energy that somehow can be manipulated and visualized. I assume that at the very least, they’ve got the same source, and if Keshin are ‘’spiritual energy’’ then hissatsu are, to a certain degree, the same thing.

Remember how I mentioned everyone has spiritual energy, despite not having a Keshin? This ties into that.

Hissatsu, while having technically the same source as Keshin, are applied in different ways, ‘easier’ ways. Less control is needed. Rather than bringing out and visualizing all of your spiritual energy like with a Keshin, you just manipulate part of it; you visualize something and combine it with physical movements (to varying degrees), in which the physical movement is either a way to center yourself for said energy manipulation or actual part of the technique.

Like, in some cases of hissatsu you've got these movements in which people are just standing still and doing something seemingly unnecessary. The easiest I can come up with is Manabe in Galaxy with his ‘’Defense Equation’’.

See? He stands there and simply writes an equation in the air, he doesn’t do anything considered ‘useful’ in soccer; doesn’t tackle anyone, doesn’t try to get in their way or interfere physically.This is genuinely just a way for him to focus and center himself in order to manipulate and shape the energy however he wants to. Then, when the opponent is distracted, he just takes the ball from them.

However, a lot of other hissatsu actually incorporate the movement in how they function! For example, Soyokaze Step - this hissatsu focuses a lot more on Tenma's actual movement, and doesn't even have that many ''special effects''; in this case the energy manipulation is less obvious, rather in increasing his speed/agility and giving himself a boost of speed. The actual outcome, however, is fully dependent on his actual movement.

And then there's something that’s used by both types of hissatsu that I wanted to mention: misdirection. What Manabe does is both a way to center himself, and also part of the technique to confuse or distract his opponents - and some hissatsu specifically have the aim of distracting opponents without having any physical effect. Shindou’s Olympus Harmony is actually a pretty good example for this!

Does Shindou actually do anything physical? Nah, but getting a blast of light to the face is gonna throw you off for a couple seconds either way, right? This is misdirection in its simplest form, and there are several shots that work this way - Kidou's Illusion Ball, for example.

But more physical-based hissatsu do this too, all the time!

You've got shots like Mach Wind, where the energy doesn't seem to have any purpose beyond putting on a fancy light show (which I imagine is an aesthetic choice), but you've also got hissatsu, like the penguin shoots, in which there's an actual specific and recognizable form to it rather than just a blob of energy. The “energy manipulation” in this case both serves a function and adds to distracting the opponent. Other shots, like Tsurugi's usual shots, could also function as an intimidation technique.

So that's the mechanism behind hissatsu, with varying degrees of energy manipulation, physical movement and misdirection, ranging from almost fully energy manipulation-based techniques like Shindou's Olympus Harmony to Tenma's physically based Soyokaze Step.

Basically, someone thinks of a technique that uses energy manipulation, whether as a distraction or to enhance themselves or the ball, and then they sort of work it out in terms of energy manipulation and physical movements until it works, which would also explain the 'upgraded' or 'remastered' shots - they're technically the same shots, but with small differences that improve the way they work without actually being noticeable.

The difference with Keshin is that Keshin utilize all of a person’s spiritual energy; they manifest and visualize all of it, whereas hissatsu just extend a little bit of it (maybe even energy from the surroundings, depending on how you imagine the “spiritual energy” works). Furthermore, hissatsu are always action-based, whereas Keshin are not. Keshin can be visualized and not utilized in any way beyond that; but a hissatsu has a very specific method and order and while their end result may vary (Tenma saving the goat), they can't just... pull it up and push a 'pause' button, Tenma can't just stop in the midst of Soyokaze Step, or Gouenji with Fire Tornado, they have to complete the movement for it to have an effect. Whereas you can just pull up a Keshin and sort of have it just hover behind you ominously, and then you can decide what to do with it - Keshin hissatsu are the result of that, because in that case you first pull up your Keshin and then actively guide it into a hissatsu - which obviously makes it more powerful because you're putting a Keshin's energy (AKA all of your visualized spiritual energy) into it.

And this explains why Keshin can be trained. Someone who's new to their Keshin would likely visualize it and then use that energy all at once, like you’re bringing down a wooden pole with a wrecking ball, whereas someone who's had training can visualize all of their spiritual energy but only actually use a little bit of it if they so desire - and therefore maximize the productivity of it. AKA, that's why Shindou passed out after he used his Keshin for the first time. There was very little finesse in what he did there, he just used it all up at once.

If we then get back to specific Keshin designs, this is a direct result of hissatsu techniques.

To have a Keshin is to visualize all of your spiritual energy, so why does it take the shape of some fantasy game avatar? For soccer players, who have learnt energy manipulation in the form of hissatsu, it actually is the most likely way they'd express it. They manipulate Keshin energy the same way they'd manipulate hissatsu energy.

The standard Keshin form is also likely caused by the way that Fifth Sector developed and taught it. They were likely involved in the research on Keshin and the methods in which they are used. To be honest, Keshin actually look like they might have been inspired by Endou's hissatsu techniques. Big giant godlike creatures? Sound familiar? I imagine Fifth Sector would have studied hissatsu, and realized that hissatsu techniques that brought out a lot of a person's spiritual energy had one thing in common: giant avatars hovering behind them. And so they tried to enhance that even more, and thus Keshin were discovered.

Anyway, like I said, the way spiritual energy is manipulated for Keshin usage is based on the way you'd use hissatsu. No one learns a Keshin first - rather, they learn hissatsu, they design hissatsu, they figure out what works best for them, they basically develop this sort of ''style'' - Endou with his personas, Tenma and Kazemaru with wind, Fubuki with snow and ice. And that depends on a person’s creativity and imagination.

(And that’s without mentioning any specific talents they might have - strategy, or attack, or defending, or dribbling.)

When learning how to use a Keshin, the goal is to ‘bring out all of your spiritual energy’ with no clear image beyond a giant floating avatar. In this process the energy is sort of allowed free reign in 'designing' it and thus will ‘flow’ in a way that comes natural to them - the way they use it for hissatsu. Therefore, a Keshin will mimic whatever style someone has developed for themselves. I imagine the specific shape will then be a mix of how they’d use their hissatsu and the underlying perception of themselves, or perhaps the desire of what they want to be.

And that is why Taiyou’s Keshin is a sun god whereas Shindou’s is a music conductor and Tsurugi’s is a knight.

Well, that was my take on Keshin and hissatsu, I hope you enjoyed it! I hope to eventually upload more of these rants of mine on other topics as well, if people are interested.

[bestworstcase]

Wait, hold on, does Salem not know about Oz's whole like. Security measures Light put in. I feel like if she did she'd be more forgiving bc Oz is literally constantly being subjected to psychological and even physical torture (if he fights the merge). He's on The Tightest Leash Ever and basically has very little to no control on what he does. Like it's pretty clear he secretly agrees with Salem, but he can hardly think about it (seemingly has to communicate that vaguely via fairytales in a book) let alone actually act on it.

I feel like she likely doesn't know. I think if Salem knew about the metaphorical shock collar she'd be pissed on his behalf and probably be more forgiving. Granted it doesn't undo the hurt she's experienced but I think it'd make a lot of things make more sense to her. Can only imagine how that revelation would go down

yeah exactly literally all she knows is that

he was given a choice to come back

to unite humanity on light’s behalf

he said yes

he intends to see it through

he reincarnates by taking over somebody else, almost instantaneously*

because that is everything ozma knew when he told her the truth.

(*this changed after he divided his magic to create the maidens—using what magic he has left accelerates the merger; getting rid of most of his magic was likely ozma’s best effort to stop killing his hosts, even if it didn’t quite work)

hence "why do you keep. coming. back." to salem this looks like oz has been choosing to come back, over and over and over again, killing someone each time, solely for the purpose of enacting his god’s genocidal design—and she’s laying that next to her memories of the person who rescued her from her abusive, tyrannical father, and her memories of the person who lied to her for more than a decade to manipulate her into unwittingly serving her own tormentor, and going WHY while also, i’d imagine, questioning whether that person she remembers from millions and millions of years ago was ever even real, or if she was just too naive and too blinded by infatuation to see his true self.

after all… she only knew him a few years, before he died, and then she was alone for all that time, and then he came back and deceived her, tricked her—she absolutely does not believe anymore that he truly loved her at all, the second time—and he has to all appearances spent thousands of years since then DETERMINED to rid the world of her at any cost. what’s more likely? that he really was this wonderful person she remembers, or that a girl who’d never left her cell before and never known anything but cruelty and abuse saw her rescuer through the rosiest of rose-colored glasses?

with the history and the scant information she has it is so much easier for salem to believe that ozma is just…awful, and she was a naive love-blinded fool not to see it before he stabbed her in the back, than to hold onto “no, the good person i knew for a tiny fraction of our lives millions of years ago is the one who’s real, something is wrong.”

but yeah like. the instant she learns what’s really going on here, that ozma agreed to something he didn’t understand once and he’s been shackled to it ever since by a curse designed to destroy his sense of self and Force Him to obey… like at that point it isn’t even really a matter of forgiving him, it’s all of the hatred and anger and hurt and confusion she feels toward ozma now wrenching away from him onto the god of light. i think she’s going to snap to HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO YOU so fast it’ll even make her head spin.

esp bc like, waves at 6.4, salem is already boiling alive in guilt over her part in their daughters dying. as soon as she has the information to put together that ozma has essentially been psychologically tortured into becoming light’s weapon i think she is going to immediately realize that light set her and ozma up to fail on purpose, counting on her to lash out when ozma betrayed her so as to seal off the only possible escape he might have, meaning she has been manipulated into becoming an instrument of ozma’s torture just as he has hers. which 1. will obviously inflame her self-hatred to horrific new extremes but also 2. this woman is going to be out for BLOOD.

this is the why and the how of the ozlem reconciliation; ozma is cursed and salem doesn’t know that yet, so she’s furious and vengeful because she doesn’t understand why he’s doing this but she’s also just one revelation away from snapping back emotionally to the time she tried to Bodily Shield Ozma From Divine Fire.

[minjoonapio]

🎐 Wind Breaker CH.157: Remaining Embers

💭 THOUGHTS & ANALYSIS [⚠️SPOILERS⚠️]

🧵Twitter/X Version 📖Where to read the manga: Kodansha | Other 📺Watch Season 1 now (S2 in 2025!): Crunchyroll, Netflix

I was hoping Chika would be knocked out already since the last chapter left us with panels of Umemiya giving one hell of a sucker-punch. But I was wrong (at least we get to see them fight under the rain a lil' longer hehe)

This whole page, these three panels, is showing us a frame-by-frame of Chika being punched by Umemiya, indicating it's all in slow motion.

Usually, when a scene is in slow motion, it is either to reveal a certain detail or to emphasize a turning point or a shift in a character or in the scene.

This is Chika's turning point.

I believe the actual trigger of this shift is before the punch; when he froze and saw Umemiya’s determined eyes and the Bofurin leader echoed the deal they made a while ago.

Since then, Chika’s POV sounds different.

I love the bleary effect in one panel, showing Ume's POV. He is almost losing consciousness. I can feel how he is at that moment; energy's all used up, and he's aching everywhere. I mean, he especially had the wind knocked out of him so of course, he's trying to get some air in his lungs.

Despite all that, Umemiya still faces Chika head-on with the amount of will he’s got.

Chika may not be aware of it but this interaction with Ume is affecting him because he allowed it. He allowed Umemiya into his own world. All because of that same fiery aura he has that matches his.

But the thing is, right now, he's not only fighting the strong raging Umemiya he likes, but the Umemiya who wants to reach him into his world; determined not only to defeat him but to understand him.

So the moment Ume declared he wanted to get to know him, it did something to him. That's why it struck him frozen when they saw eye to eye.

We’re then shown a panel of a hammer hitting hot metal; the metaphor Endo used for Umemiya. His perspective is different from what we’re seeing now.

Old Ume may be selfish, forcing his ideals on the unwilling, but Present Ume yearns to listen to Chika. He doesn't want Chika to accept him or anything. He just wants to talk and perhaps have some mutual understanding. He won't make the same mistake he did back then (letting Chika be).

Allowing Umemiya in his world, interacting with their fists, may initially be a mistake, but in actuality, it is a blessing. Chika starts to gradually change. The way the lettering bolds the words "used to" and "good".

In Chika's world, he says he likes what he likes, and hates what he hates. But after that eye-to-eye interaction and Umemiya's words, he suddenly said he used to hate rain. He says it like this never happened before -- this change of his likes and dislikes.

Just because of this fight, this "conversation" with Umemiya, Chika's embers are gradually gone…but maybe his world will grow.

All this time, Chika never cared about the result. He just cares about the thrill of it, especially with someone he acknowledges (Him calling Umemiya's name shows that). And I think Chika probably is looking forward to his chat with Umemiya.

It’s like how Togame & Sakura expressed how they had fun in their fight. Since then, they respected each other (We also got a short-hair Togame joining in their fights and fanboying over his "best bud" Sakura. Lord, I never knew I needed that T.T)

“I had fun” The first time Chika said this, Umemiya was knocked down. He looked sad perhaps cause it's over. And I questioned then, what did he want to get from this fight? To make sure he clearly defeats Umemiya? (After this latest chapter, I don't think so) And what now since he defeated Umemiya?

But this time, the tables have turned. He's defeated...but something’s changed. We don't see his face when he says those words. Only Umemiya’s reaction.

I’m guessing he looked content.

I chuckled when Chika is like “ok bitch you won now move your big head and let me enjoy the rain” But in a sense, this is Chika now, changed and open.

He stares at the rain like how he would stare at fireworks.

Finally, their fight ended with Umemiya as the winner. Not only in their physical fight but also broke Chika's walls down.

We can finally have that talk. (I swear if they’re gonna have it while lying down under the rain, I’m gonna flip)

Sorry if I may not make any sense. I try. My brain is not braining well today. Haha. It's the effects of the Wind Breaker drought!

Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be up next Tuesday at Kodansha/K Manga!

🧵Twitter/X Version 📖Where to read the manga: Kodansha | Other 📺Watch Season 1 now (S2 in 2025!): Crunchyroll, Netflix

[tobiasdrake]

Well, I was supposed to wake up in a field but instead.....

Some sorta void beyond time and space. Neat. It would seem I have gained the ability to determine for myself how far back to loop.

I credit this new ability to my brilliant decision to touch the timedrop. Clearly, I have absorbed its power and added it to my own through temporal osmosis. I have based this observation on nothing whatsoever but I will hear no argument otherwise.

In any case... I still need to find out who keeps breaking that bread so--

Oh my god you read my Pocket Notes and listen in on my conversations and now you're just being controlling I NEED SOME SPACE LEMONFRIEND

>_< I am in a toxic relationship. With time.

A revelation that wasn't the main goal of dipshitting myself into oblivion but is a welcome discovery nonetheless. At least we know that everyone who's frozen is a) somewhat conscious but b) not in a state where they would be suffering.

10/10 Great service, satisfying experience. I look forward to killing myself again in the future.

Alright. Well. Guess we'll get back to it. Grab the tonics from the side room and my ding ding and then--

No. Fuck you.

I was thinking about my ding ding it could not be helped

Ugh, this place is so rude! I want to file a complaint.

Moving right along. Nothing to see here.

Like those two buildings back in Dormont that are inexplicably locked. Must be some kind of regional locking mechanism popular in this area but I have no idea what.

Oh, there we go. That was easy. So we just need to figure out the pass phrase for any of these doors we find.

I see where this is going. It would behoove me to throw myself on that Tear over yonder and die so I can go get the password.

...but I have the utmost confidence that I'll get myself stupidly killed anyway soon, so I don't need to bother.

In a suspicious place, yes. That sure is a pillar.

I do not trust this pillar, okay?

This pillar is watching us.

Plotting.

It knows I'm on to it.

You say that like we should feel bad for it, Isa. Unfortunately, feeling bad for things is a form of Sadness so I'm afraid all of my sympathy's getting chopped up with scissors.

Along with this boss fight.

Alright, cool. Some kind of key thing that can be used to something something with the tears, so let's keep going and--

...okay so maybe it's actually dangerous to hussle the group past all of the deathtraps I already know about. I may be trapfinding so well at this point that it's putting everyone in danger.

Who would do something so monstrous

Okay now I'm super onboard. King needs to die.

Go on, Bonnie. Take a wok on the wild side. *wok-a wok-a*

Am I... am I supposed to scramble it? Wait, is this a metaphor? Does this key have gender dysphoria that it hasn't quite realized yet?

...so that's a yes. Yes, the key has undiagnosed gender dysphoria.

Cool. I'm happy I caught that. I feel proud of myself for my ability to pick up LGBT subtext.

This philosophy is pretty deep. I took the religion of Change for a silly joke at first but no, this is some serious shit.

Is this whole religion a metaphor for the experience of being LGBT? There is clearly some strong coding going on here with Vaugardian society. In fact, the entire concept of worshipping change is itself so tightly connected to gender and the trans/non-binary experience that--

BONNIE

NO

You take that gender out of your mouth this instant! The experience of self-discovery is NOT breakfast!

*sigh* Kids.

[whiskeyswifty]

in defense of 1989:

the breathless, wailing anguish with which she howls "take me HOOOOOoooooome" as she finally gives in to her vices, her weaknesses, knowingly but willingly. because she's so tired of doing the right thing, the smart thing, so lonely, so hopeful, and soooo horny she's helpless against self destruction. A song so unflinching in its awareness of that while also unapologetic in her choice to fully throw herself into temptation.

and even still the continued breathless, endless questioning in out of the woods. is this it? is it finally over? when it be over? when will someone just love her, and when will she stop doubting that they don't? when will this cycle of searching and heartbreak end? the way the song ends, so desperate is she for guidance that her voices harmonize together in a nearly religious choir, calling to the heavens for an answer. utterly lost, screaming into the forest doubting everything she remembers, was it real? can she even remember herself?

In I wish you would, how she turns a quiet, fleeting moment of laying in bed, watching headlights crawl across her bedroom wall though the gap in her curtains into a bombastic tour through all the regrets and dashed hopes that fly through her head. how you can mentally run through the span of fifty emotions over the course of ten seconds.

wildest dreams where the song is paced using her own heartbeat i mean what a clever way to quite literally let you into her heart

also in wildest dreams, giving into the idea that maybe this is what she deserves maybe, all she deserves. it's all she'll ever be, just a memory to someone and so in that fatalist acceptance, she's determined to at least make sure she's a phenomenal memory. and she asks them to lie to her, just this once. she doesn't ask for anything else, just to be told one time that she's worth remembering. an incredibly vulnerable thing to admit about how you see yourself and how dark of a place to be mentally.

the murky, wobbly synth and wistful whispery voices on this love. the whole song sounding like a fog or like wading in the tide as it ebbs and flows. so tactile in how it renders the feeling of wading through the fog a breakup or dissolution. not sure what the right thing to do is, to turn around and fight for them, to let them go, to move on. a song where she's so lost, she surrenders her fate completely and accepts whatever happens will happen and completely succumbs to the current, wherever it takes her and whatever it brings. she has to believe they'll come back on their own because there's nothing else to do now. she's done everything she could and it's just up to the tides of fate.

i mean clean?? hello??? one of the most apt metaphors for breaking up with someone when the relationship was intense and maybe codependent or manipulative. how addiction can be a person, and all the same trappings apply. how the whole album was her struggling through that. revisiting it over and over, how hard it is to try to live without them, as if it feels like drowning. but ultimately finding a baptism of self in the drowning, being the one to save herself for the first time, realizing she could save herself. revolutionary idea for the person who wrote all 4 prior albums, a monumental moment of growth. while still acknowledging that the itch to return to them will always linger, but recognizing that that's not love or fate or destiny like she once thought it was. it's just her insecurities trying to drag her back into bad habits, ultimately pulling the monster out from under the bed and in the harsh light of day, seeing it for what it is and rendering it unable to fool her anymore. one of the most pivotal moments in her mental and emotional growth as a person that she's ever discussed in her art. Where she completely abandons the fairytale idea of fate and destiny and begins to embrace her autonomy.

bonus of YAIL being one of the quietest, most intimate and mundane stories of love she’s ever written. how poignant for it to come after the bombastic pop and clashing synths of the sweeping and tragic romances regaled on the entire album. as if to say nah, real love, true love is in the quiet, unremarkable moments. the synths and echoes used again here but in a more dreamy, ethereal way, as if it's not happening quite yet but it's a wish for something totally different than she had before, something she should have wished for all along. a beautiful contrast!!

also just i'm sorry but blank space was so clever, maybe you had to be there but for her to come out with this song after the Red era and just.... absolutely destroy the pervading narrative about her with a sledgehammer but in the most tongue and cheek way, the most above it all way. like look how stupid you sound? this is the person you think i am? do you hear how ridiculous this shit is? get a grip! she not only made them into the fool and came off smarter and savvier than anyone else, she made BANK off of their stupidity. slay of the century!!!

basically 1989 is the rawest and most honest depiction of a woman in her 20s at some of the lowest points your 20s can bring. how through that time, as you figure out who you're supposed to be as an adult, you completely lose sight of who you are, and because of that you feel the lowest about yourself you may ever feel in your life. You let yourself get treated horribly and you begin to wonder if this is all there is. and it's awful and it feels endless and so lonely because you feel like the only person going through it, that everyone else knows something you don't, and that you're pathetic and worthless for falling so behind everyone else. but at the same time your 20s are soooooo fun and exciting and liberating because of your first foray into independent adulthood, so to lay unapologetically pop instrumentals over these crushing feelings is genius. it's the whiplash of that time in your life, the oscillation making each feeling of euphoria and devastation that much more potent. And how she emotes on this album is unlike anything else! She’s theatrical with her syllables and delivery as if she might never get the chance to say any of this again!

but also, the perhaps unconscious metaphor she presented that so many people, fans included, seem to fall victim to. the idea that oh, it's just pop music, it's not that deep, it's soulless and vapid. only serious music can actually be emotional, when the words she's saying and the hard truths about herself she's conveying are raw and bleeding open wounds. repetition isn't laziness, but a manifestation of anxiety and building tension. heavy synths and electro-pop stylings aren't soulless compared to guitars, but a way to unground you from reality and give you that atmosphere of disorientation and so as she grapples with losing her bearings, so do you. it's a musical allegory for how in your twenties someone can outwardly be having the time of their life, but inwardly be the lowest they've ever been. it's the eternal duality of your 20s, rendered so beautifully and harnessing musical stylings so masterfully to convey this experience. i'll defend it forever for that reason and implore people to reexamine their view of pop music and pop instrumental compositions as less artistic achievements and less emotional than acoustic ballads. sadness isn't the only vulnerable emotion. confusion, anger, anxiety, frustration are all profound and loud emotions that deserve an electric guitar because sometimes words aren't enough for how much you're feeling, and it's up to a cacophonous soundscape of electric guitars and moog synthesizers and your own cathartic screams to fill in the rest.

[syn4k]

gonna copypaste the fucking . Wall of text i just sent to Q about that whole fight to here. tom is SUCH A CHARACTER im gonna LOSE IT

(my friend Q: what're your thoughts on tom's character at this point in the series?)

i think that syndianites' tags were on the fuckin spot [referring to some tags that she left on a post of mine a day or so back, i sent it to Q and we both loved them <3) and also that hes just. drunk on bloodlust to distract himself from the fact that he's just lost everything

literally the only thing he has right now is the fish. This is why it ends up being such a big deal in the Tank of Judgement episode btw. [Q is watching through Jordan's POV for the first time right now and from his pov it's not entirely clear why Nemo is so important to Tom]

they took his diamonds they took his gear they took his life and they kicked in his teeth but he still has his fish

i imagine him twitching during the talk he had with the mianite/ianite alliance. brain going a billion mph weighing chances. oppurtunities. outcomes. when tucker gets angry it comes swiftly and strongly sure but tom was up against a wall in both the literal and metaphorical sense with nothing to lose because he'd just lost everything and so that enabled him to finally ditch the one thing that had been keeping him from going the edge and losing it entirely for so fucking long: his sense of self-preservation

watching it is beautiful in the way that an airplane on fire falling out of the sky is beautiful

you just know he woke up the next day muscles aching bones screaming like the worst hangover hed ever had in his life but two times worse but for now, he is blazing thrice as hot as tucker ever did when his anger was stoked by those petty dogfights they used to get into and he is unstoppable

(Q: nods ...but the plane still hits the ground)

he reminds me of myself when i'm tired and running off of fumes and self destructive and determined to just keep fucking going, in a way. i think thats part of why we latched onto him so hard

and i dont have any evidence for it but i think that this is the thing that really gets dianite's attention

he sees tom doing all this on his own and his first thought is wait, that kid's on my team. his second thought is just Fear because Oh Shit, That Kid's on MY TEAM.

(replying to Q) ohhhhhh boy. does it.

(Q: he doesn't feel he can control tom?)

EXACTLY AND THATS WHAT SCARES HIM

(Q: and so he starts acting more controlling towards tom?)

bbbbbbbingo!

if this goes how i think it goes anyways. which i think it does.

[dragon-communion]

I'm not a fan of really any of the endings so I'm going to make up some of my own.

The simple reason is that the majority of them don't actually fix the systemic issues of the Golden Order, they just add a new clause. Then there's Frenzy and Stars, of course. I like them both for outright rejecting the Golden Order, but again neither of them actually fixes anything. Even Ranni just plans to fly away into the sunset, and I don't think anyone left behind is particularly motivated to do humanitarian work.

So! Varying contenders for doing Something, results to be determined:

Empyreans:

Miquella: (I haven't played the DLC, no notes yet)

Malenia: Does not want to be a god, would probably do something like Caelid and then hate herself forever, more focused on her brother's will than effectively utilizing her own strength for her own purposes so I think she'd literally be an awful ruler and both literally and metaphorically leave everything to rot. Possibly Marika 2.0 and trying to reverse her own godhood by fighting the rot.

Ranni: We done been known.

Melina (if we assume she's the GEQ): Destined Death was, at one point, part of the Elden Ring. I'm not sure if that means it would be another Mending Rune ending. Either way it might at least unfuck the issues Marika caused by excising it, which is pretty textually one of the core flaws of the Order. I'd consider this a good ending.

Various other demigods:

Godrick: He seems to be fixated on the idea of grafting being strength, and the strong preying on the weak. A fairly literal interpretation of Marika's culturally alloyed Roman empire, honestly, with flavor notes of the Crucible and Godfrey's warlike mindset. Could be interesting, but at what cost.

Radahn: I like him because of his funky wizard backstory contrasted against a barbarian build style. However, he idolizes Godfrey, and at minimum I think we'd end up with an age of endless war. Maybe he'd do something more to bully the stars. Honestly? I think he'd potentially fight the Elden Beast if you worded the idea right.

Rennala: Get that woman some therapy and some medication, maybe a checkup for mental tampering via that weird SCP egg, and I think she'd be a perfectly competent ruler. Not sure if she'd want the whole empire though. I can see her marrying Marika's corpse the way we do, out of spite.

Rykard: He and Tanith can adopt Melina. I'm sure we can convince her births continuing through the Serpent are a valid option. Let's devour some gods.

Godwyn: He deserved better and I know he technically already has an ending, but hear me out. Return of the age of dragons.

Placidusax: Same thing but even more biased against mankind. As it should be, frankly.

Patches: We sell the Elden Ring to a totally moral and upstanding man in a cave. What happens next? Who can say. Either way it is probably never seen again and broken down for scrap.

[lucas-deziderio]

Dezi reads Pact: Signature 8.7

Let me tell you something about Maggie Holt. This poor girl's backstory is that she is the survivor of a specially mean episode of The Twilight Zone. And then things got A Lot Worse. But, you know, it isn't all bad. She has some victories to her name. Two loving fathers, a handful of goblins on her back pocket, the friendship of an up-and-coming diabolist...

Now the Girl with the Checkered Scarf is a whole other story! If she were an RPG character I could easily show you her inventory and you would see that the only things she has for herself now are one (1) scarf, one (1) goblin, one (1) gender and a dream. OK, I'm exaggerating a bit, but my girl do is struggling as reality is trying to shake her off itself.

This chapter starts with a very interesting conversation with Johannes, the sorcerer famous for having a demesne big enough to fit your mom in it. Up until now he had come off as some kind of secondary or maybe even primary antagonist that Blake would have to face against at some point, but now I'm not so sure. His perspective does make sense and the fact that he's being so kind to the underdog that is our current protagonist does make him more endearing.

The first thing I want to discuss is the idea of demesnes; places a practitioner has claimed for themselves and now have full control over, being able to draw energy from it to power their practice. One of the big three milestones a person in this world must achieve to be considered a grown-up wizard.

To me, the process of claiming a demesne seems to equate the process of forming a nation or kingdom. Through the ritual, a practitioner takes over an area that was until then public and makes it their own. But to do that they need the approval of all Others, spirits and even practitioners in the surrounding region. Or, at least, to overpower them through the challenges that are part of the ritual. If successful, what was once free range becomes infused by the identity of its new ruler. We have seen before practitioners both bargaining for and coercing Others into lending them power, but this is different. This ritual is both way broader in scope and way narrower in what it rewards: a geographical, almost political, type of power.

The main rule of this magic system is so maintained: all power comes with a price. In this case, the practitioner scrapes off bits of the liberty of an entire group to make themselves the sovereign monarch of their own kingdom; a social contract born out of the rules of magic itself. As time goes on, Laird Behaim's metaphor about countries becomes poignant once again.

Still, the mystery of how Johannes was able to conquer such a large territory remains as he refuses to concede us any details. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll become essential later. Considering Blake's streak of luck, he'll probably need to use this secret to stablish a demesne for himself.

After a very interesting game of 20 questions, our protagonist manages to get some necessary resources basically for free and steps back into reality to put her plan into action. Except that reality is kinda fed up with her. She dodges the cracks in existence, bombs a handful of goblins and starts to jury-rig a variation of the demesne ritual to claim a new name for herself.

That makes me think that, just like political power, identity itself is something that is determined by our relationship to others. Sometimes it's something we can agree upon, and sometimes it's something we must fight to stablish against discordant voices. Luckily, the girl in the checkered scarf spent this entire arc making all other powerful practitioners of Jacob's Bell pity her. She finishes the ritual, craps in a bucket and wills a new place for herself into existence. I'm proud of Mags.

A couple other questions now remain in my head. Had she fallen down into one of those cracks in reality would she end up in the same place Blake is in right now? After all, he also had his connections to reality stripped from him. And if Padraic is still occupying her previous role as the child of a family, would that make of him a changeling? Or would that be a different type of fey?

Previous • Next

[lightwise]

Ahsoka's Choice

(Content warnings: long post, implied depression and wanting to give up on life, mention of suicide prevention week). 

Life is not supposed to be a battle. I genuinely believe that it is not meant to be lived in survival mode, or be something to dread, or feel like a Sisyphean hamster wheel, climbing the same mountain over and over but going nowhere. 

And yet. 

It so often does. 

The good becomes so entwined with the bad that you can’t separate them anymore. 

Or even see any good at all.

Life is lived by placing one foot in front of the other, but our gaze is meant to be forward, not only down. 

There have been a number of excellent takes on the in-universe meaning behind the Clone Wars flashbacks, Anakin’s lessons, and Ahsoka’s choice in Shadow Warrior. How Ahsoka has been keeping herself small, living in survival mode, haunted by the fear of her past, by what Anakin became, by her fears of becoming that herself or inadvertently leading others down that path, by survivor’s guilt, by the inability to move forward.  (Please check out the excellent analyses below):

Anakin and Ahsoka learning to fight for the light

Recovering from PTSD and trauma and not letting the terrible things win 

Overcoming the legacy of war and death

Running from childhood trauma

Ahsoka choosing to live 

Ahsoka remembering who she is

However, without getting too detailed, I want to take a more metaphorical look at this episode and how it struck me personally.

My tagline is Daughter of Light. Ahsoka has been an extremely meaningful character to me since I first fell in love with Clone Wars several years ago, for her determination, her steadfast dedication to justice and kindness, and her strength in forging her own path in the midst of many difficult and undeserved circumstances. And this episode knocked me back in my chair, mouth open, trying not to cry at those four words: I choose to live.

The last few years have had some unique struggles in my life that have felt relentless at times, worn me down mentally and emotionally, and kept me in a state of difficult striving just to stay afloat on all fronts (financial, health, mental, etc.) I have honestly not wanted to stay afloat at points. And I’m still dealing with many of the effects of some of what I’ve been dealing with. 

(I am fine in this moment, btw. This post is reflective of where I have been, and some of what I have felt. So please don’t worry about me if you read this, it is meant to be encouraging more than anything. But I am acknowledging and honoring the struggle that it sometimes takes to exist and keep going when life is difficult or doesn’t turn out the way you expected, or is simply just too hard and too exhausting for a bit too long. It is also suicide prevention week, and therefore extremely timely for this episode coming out). 

“You lost a fight. Trust me, you lost.” - You can’t mince the reality of the situation, or pretend it’s better than it is, or that it doesn’t exist at all.

“So you do remember. That’s good, that means you still have a chance to live.” 

“Tell me what’s going on.” - She wants answers. She wants to understand what is happening to her so that she can know how to face it, so that it can be dealt with quickly. 

“I’m here to finish your training.”   

“It’s a little late for that.” - Where were you when I needed you. If only I had known what I know now a little sooner. All of this could have been prevented, things could have gone differently. 

“One is never too old to learn, Snips.” 

“What’s the lesson, Master.” - Alright, I guess we’re doing this. 

“Live…or die.”   

Choosing life—it means literally, and spiritually, and it means a life that is actually filled with wholeness and connection and purpose, not just an existence eked out in survival mode. And as much as I hate it, you have to engage with the pain and the suffering, you have to fight through them, in order to get there. You don’t get out of survival mode by not fighting, even when all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

“I won’t fight you.” 

In a vacuum, this is a decent sentiment. Maintaining one’s peace and refusing to give in to extraneous anger or regret is often a good thing. But that’s not the context here. It’s a negative, passive kind of choice, in this scenario at least. It’s choosing the lack of something, not the positive of something. I won’t fight…but what will you do instead?

All the lessons that Anakin begins taking Ahsoka through, forcing her to engage him, to keep going, to figure out ways to survive even when she doesn’t want to, when the cost feels too great, when her life has been handed to her against her will, is to get through to her the best way he knows how. To break her out of the isolation and defeat she has inhabited. To give her a path forward into momentum and purpose. 

They spar—Ahsoka still with only one saber, half her strength. He pushes her back, and then cuts the ground out from under her feet. And she falls.

“Why are we here?” - Why am I having to learn this lesson again. I thought I had already dealt with this. Why am I having to feel these emotions again. Why do I have to put my time and energy on this same problem again and again.  

“You tell me.”

“I don’t understand.” - She’s still trying to have logical answers before she can move on. We don’t always get them. If you wait for everything to make sense you’ll be waiting forever. 

“That’s your problem. This is your training.” - The casualties of war. Her mistakes. Her failures. Her guilt. Her grief. 

“The battle’s not over yet.” But oh how I sometimes want it to be. 

“This isn’t what I trained for.”  - This isn’t what I expected life to be like. This isn’t what I signed up for. This can’t be what all the effort of daily life adds up to. There has to be a whole greater than the parts. 

“I’m teaching you how to survive, and to do that, you’re going to have to fight.” 

“What if I wanna stop fighting.” - What if it’s not worth it. What if all the effort expended never actually leads anywhere that’s worth being. What if I’m too tired, too depleted to keep going.

“Then you’ll die.” 

“My part of that legacy is one of death and war.” - But what if that’s all there is? What if that’s all my life will ever mean, is struggle and loss and pain. 

“But you’re more than that. Because I’m more than that.” - But I’ve seen and felt horrors larger than life…how do I keep from drowning in them.  

“You’ve learned nothing. Back to the beginning. I gave you a choice. Live or die.” - You can’t stop from drowning in them. You can’t take the struggle out of life. You can’t take the pain out either, or the mistakes. But you can get back up. And you can keep going.  

“No!” - It shouldn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this hard. 

“Incorrect.” - But for now, it is. It may not always be. You won’t know until you get there. 

“You lack conviction.” - I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to have to do this anymore. 

“Time to die.” 

Finally, technically defeated as both of her sabers are wrenched out of her hands, she takes Anakin's Sith blade and uses it against him. There’s a time when the way to get through difficulty is through sheer anger and force of will—I won’t let this thing beat me simply because I’m too mad to let it, I’m too bitter or resentful to stay down any longer…but while that can give you some fuel to get moving, eventually it will keep you stuck in place. 

And then, she tosses it away. And with ferocity and passion and acceptance in her voice:

“I choose to live.”

Living doesn’t mean Ahsoka has to kill the phantom of Vader that still haunts her or continue the cycle of violence. She doesn’t have to fight because that’s the only way to survive. The choice she makes to live, is accepting that living might involve fighting, it might involve pain, it might involve darkness…but that’s part of what makes it life. But it’s not the only part. It will always be so much more than that. So much better than that. The darkness doesn’t get to defeat the light. You get to choose not to let it. 

I choose to live. 

You are not just the bad things that have happened to you. You are more than your traumas and your history and your mistakes and your regrets. You are more than those who came before you. You are more than what has shaped you, dragged you under, torn you apart. Your history is not your identity. Your pain is not who you are. Even when it’s all you can see or feel. Even if it’s all you’ve known, and the life you want always feels out of reach.  

Life shouldn’t be a battle. We shouldn’t always be struggling or barely keeping our heads above water in survival mode. Sometimes letting yourself slip beneath the surface is necessary. You have to surrender to the waves, and accept the reality that more will come, before you can ride them. Just try to breathe in the process. 

Finally, there’s one other thing that brings Ahsoka back to the land of the living. It’s not just her choice alone. It’s other people not giving up on her. Searching for her. Refusing to give up hope. Jacen hearing what is really going on, telling his mom to listen, really listen. Friends working together to pull her out of the ocean. Huyang bringing her a cup of tea and a blanket. She is resuscitated and rehabilitated by others. By her community.

Let’s choose to live. Together. 

Hopefully, we can always make it worth it. 

[shmowder]

I think that the reason why i’m attached to pathologic, especially daniil as a character, is because i’m disabled and chronically ill, so i’ve had a huge fear of doctors for literally my whole life. like. it seems backwards but really.

(slight cw for doctors and disabilities, a bit of a rant. you don’t have to answer this ask or anything if you’re not in the headspace to answer!! take care of yourself!!)

I see my own pain and fatigue both in the sand pest victims and also in the healers play-throughs, especially dankovsky because basically everything goes wrong for him or actively works against him to make things worse. playing as daniil and getting to be a know-it-all doctor (someone I would have been especially anxious around in the real world) but seeing his character put so much effort and care in to healing people who are sick really resonates with me and helped me be less anxious around some doctors (it’s still a deep fear, but we’re getting better haha).

like. in the marble nest he even speaks gently to the children, iirc.

his whole storyline also really helped me cope with spending so much of my life in a medical setting. hospitals make me extremely anxious, so instead I get to distract myself with this complex story and lore to make weekly appointments a bit less scary. when my symptoms are dismissed or when doctors are rude to me, I pretend that i’ll have one last imaginary appointment with a certain knowledgeable out-of-town doctor that recalls reading about a cure for my oddly specific symptoms. wow. almost like it’s a real illness! /s

I pretend that he’s a part of my medical team and doesn’t hold back when defending me against other “professionals” who don’t care enough to try or don’t believe me because “i’m too young to be disabled”. I imagine him snapping back at a doctor I had who said that my makeup made my face look wonky and weird. I imagine him giving me a pep talk before meetings with medical teams.

I appreciate how determined dankovsky is. nothing goes unnoticed. no data goes missing. he actually cares and wants to see a problem solved or at least remedied as much as possible. no stone goes unturned when it comes to pain relief.

to him, if a patient is still in pain after treatment, he needs to find a different diagnosis because clearly the treatment didn’t work earlier. no, the patient isn’t faking it. if they’re faking it, why does the pain look so real?

his own fight against death in the game even paralleled an experience I had at the time I really got into the game. my dog had passed away and he was like a service dog to me, it was the first real loss I had ever experienced and having a character mirror my emotions when dealing with death had really helped me cope and come to terms with it all. especially the marble nest storyline, when the fight against death was even more visually personified through the executors.

this character means so much to me. I find so much comfort in playing pretend with the prickly prick who is actually a really nice and caring doctor. and the imaginary/pretend doll games are ironic because of the “game of dolls” metaphor in patho classic.

when i’m having a flare up or panic attack, I just imagine that he’s sitting at my bedside, diligently taking notes on what i’m feeling, distracting me from my anxieties by teaching me a latin phrase or by telling stories, mumbling along as he reads from textbooks pulled down from shelves with information on my illnesses. it’s comforting to pretend that someone cares so much about my health that they would put a great amount of effort in to finding other solutions, even after multiple tries. it’s nice to imagine that someone is holding my hand and talking me through the process of what’s happening when I have a procedure. I like to pretend that someone is here with me to keep me company when I can’t move, or to notice my balance shaking when I might pass out, to carry me to a couch or bed before I faint, to have someone help me administer my medications and remember the correct doses and times to take them them.

most of all I like pretending that daniil is here with me to stay by my side and promise me that he’ll take the pain away. and daniil dankovsky is always a man of his word.

I know it’s all just wishful thinking, but I like that I can run back to an imaginary doctor who can heal any pain (or at least can lessen it, even temporarily). I like coping with life alongside daniil, I get to make sense of death through his experiences as well as mine.

there’s a lot of value in the x reader genre even though some people think it’s cringe or weird. this genre is what got me through more than five years of debilitating pain and fatigue. cringe is a made up concept lmao. your writing and the writing of others has helped me a lot, and i’m sure that many other people can say the same.

i’m so sorry for the long message! again, u don’t have to answer it or post it or anything if it’s too much bc I completely understand!! I just wanted to share some personal anecdotes about why I love patho and daniil and all that.

with lots of love, -🥀

You've explained it beautifully

Because Daniil really would! That's the thing, he never became a doctor for the money or prestigious, he truly was in it for the science, for healing people and making humanity better as a whole.

He founded Thanatica, he paved his own path in thanatology, weaved his own branch of research. Daniil wanted to cure humanity of death, All Death, indefinitely.

It's like someone being courages enough to fight the dragon head on, cut the problem from its source and put an end to this prolonged song and dance.

Stop borrowing time from death, coaxing it back and pretending that this is okay. that it's natural and can't be helped, that this is simply the cycle of life.

Much like our ancestors thought the sun was pulled by a chariot, Daniil is determined to make the view on death hold a similar notion to the future generations.

To unveil the monster and force everyone to look it in the eyes, to realise it was never invulnerable, that it too can be tamed much like the rest of nature.

The scientific method pure and simple, he took it to heart. He doesn't presume nor intuition his way into a cure, he works by solid facts, plausible theories and educated predictions.

He stays well informed no matter how ego bruising it is to constantly having to learn new things, knowledge is worth the price of staying humble for.

The man is the embodiment of pride yet he'll kneel and admit he is wrong for the chance to gather more knowledge and make things right, he doesn't care what it takes, he will get results.

All those traits are what make the ideal doctor, someone reliable you can trust to want to help you, someone who is clearly fighting by your side to make you feel better rather than simply arguing against you to prove nothing is wrong.

He wants to turn a novel concept into reality, the same way a child desperately wants the world to be fair, for justice and truth to prevail.

Dankovsky kept that side of him alive, carefully maintained that way of thinking, and didn't allow the cruel world to demean this naivety.

Until he was older, stronger, and very capable of following his words with actions. The respect granted to someone of his status and age forces the people around him to listen to his notions and take them seriously, it forces them to come to terms with their own ignorance.

He held the right ideas all along, but people care more for who's speaking than the word themselves.

You understand him, you truly do.

Because he will not rest until he gets to the bottom of a problem, until the last piece of the puzzle falls into place.

Oh, it becomes personal when he is faced with an anomaly of an illness. When the symptoms are there but the tests results claim negative, it means he needs to approach this differently and test for other things rather than throw the towel in like unreliable doctors who claim the paitent is just making things up.

In one of the P2 bachelor route posts, the devs mentioned a mechanic where Daniil breaks into a paitents' houses. As a routine everyday thing because he isn't satisfied with the limited tests and wants to gather more evidence or clues to figure out what ails them.

-

The fantasies that you described about him are the exact scenes I envision while writing him.

The sound of his fountain pen tapping and scratching against the paper, the clickly turn of the microscope wheel as he peers into the tissue sample below, the focused look on his face as he notes down every detail.

How cluttered his desk in the stillwaters is, how messy his room is in contrast to all the trouble he goes through to make himself look collected and pristine. Much like how messy his brain is inside in contrast to tidy shell and elegant clothes.

Daniil isn't masquerading as something he is not, he isn't adoring a posh facade, despite it all he still acts surprisingly down to earth. He tells Artemy to not worry about watching his language around him, he swears and he makes sarcastic lame jokes.

Daniil would rather join you on the floor without care for his clothes getting dirty if it meant you'll keep him company while sorts through the mess that is his bag, maybe tinker with the lense of his plague finder gear.

There is a sense of belonging with him, a sense of ease and comradery because you know that man will stop at nothing to help you.

Doesn't he volunteer himself countless times to do the bidding of others he deems more vulnerable than him? Without looking for a reward or anything, even when they're simply strangers.

Doesn't he subject himself to take the "test" pills rather than three clearly distraught women who were desperate to help in any way just because his conscience wouldn't allow him to stand by while someone suffers.

Even a snake's venom can be used to make medicine, even sharp fangs can be repurposed into thin fine needles that seamlessly pass through the skin without a hint of pain.

For someone like him to be good at heart, genuinely good at heart. He isn't looking for recognition or taking advantage of an opportunity to raise above despite what the initial impression of him make you think, he is the most determined and the most caring of all the healers.

He is the one outsider in this town, keep that in mind and yet he still cares so much about everything all the time. At least Artemy and Clara had stakes in the game, Daniil's risking his life for strangers and a town that insists on making his life a living hell, everyone mistrusts him or tries to use him to climb the social ladder or accumulate more power.

He was the only one truly looking to make a change.

Which is why it's so fitting to imagine him defending your case against all the doctors who aren't in medical care for the right reasons, who grew too jaded and overconfident, whose brains slowed down and grew stubborn and set in their ways.

If the Bachelor gives a wrong diagnosis, he'll march directly to your doorstep the next day in the middle of the night and demand another chance, taking full accountability for his mistake and asking to try again.

I know it's just filler sentences, but in P1, there are these lines the other healers' bounds say to you to singal the conversation won't progress more or that their role in your story is done.

For Daniil, when he keeps attempting to talk to the termites, they tell him they feel a headache coming in. And you know what he tells them? He takes their words seriously and advices them to eat quince, a fruit, natural remedy for headaches.

For example, Eva would tell Artemy she's waiting to meet someone, and he can say, "I think I know who," and it loops the more you try to talk to her.

He could've easily dismissed them or been like "You're too young to know what real headaches are" Hell he could've went the skeptical grown up route and just assumed the kids are trying to swindle painkillers from him.

But he doesn't, he never does. And that line is especially sweet and thoughtful when it comes after a bitter conversation or an argument with a rude child. That yes despite the person being a little shit, Daniil still doesn't want the kid to suffer in pain and gives them a free medical consolation, an advice to keep for future reference to ease their headaches.

He tries to heal, in every person he comes across he tries to rid them of pain and absorb it himself. In every place he goes he actually tries to leave it better than he found it.

A lot of Bachelor route quests start from you offering your direct help to someone, not the other way around where people ask you or demand you to help them.

It's you who volunteers each time! Daniil takes full agency in his actions, he is so nosy and involves himself in every problem if it means he can solve it.

I'm a person that faints a lot from seemingly nothing. Yesterday, I fainted twice and had to stay in bed because the light-headedness never went away. I can barely go places because I know I will faint and will need to urgently go home, showering by itself is a huge chore and I have to cut it into separate parts and take breaks because I feel my vision disappearing after like 5 minutes under the water.

Someone like Daniil would definitely help, even stay beside me in the bathroom while I shower just to keep an eye on my state, to pay attention to the symptoms when my hands start to shake and I blank at the wall and help me out and back into the bed instead of just dismising them and urging me to push through until I faint like the other doctors.

He wouldn't view nudity as sexaul at all. He wouldn't be timid or skittish when it comes to the human body.

Nothing deters his determination, and he will feel insulted if you assumed he'd be disgusted by anything natural.

There's beauty in someone putting effort into redundant mundane acts, that Daniil would carefully measure the liquid inside the needle and tap the air bubbles out each time with deliberate care before administrating it.

He never thinks these tasks are beneath him. He abhors doctors who look down on nurses or refuse to do "nurse tasks"

And it's poetic in a way, that even as a character, as a doll, a fictional concept, he is still helping being indirectly. It's truly the most Daniil trait of all things that his mere existence as a fantasy doctor actually heals and mends. He'd be immensely astonished by that notion, all the people which he granted a small relief, which he encouraged to keep going just by being himself.

-

I'm very honoured you entrusted me with this rose anon, it takes effort and courage to put yourself out there, to have faith in a stranger and share your experience and feelings with them.

I relate to your words a lot, I saw myself in between the lines. I imagine certian characters too helping me through rough days, sticking by my side through thick and thin.

Mostly Georgiy Kain these days because I feel like he'd be the only one who understands my thought process. It feels hard describing my art, even harder trying to explain scientific concepts I'm passionate about.

I tried to do that the other day, showing a person what absolutely mindblowing it is that we can predict higher dimensions if we use the second and third dimensions interactions as a frame of reference.

You can accurately guess what a 4D cube would look like just by looking at the process of 2D Square being turned into a 3D cube!

And I mean you, anyone! without the use of the Internet and without the need for any equations or mathematics knowledge. It's basic logic, and you only need your eyes, a paper, and a pen.

Actually the less you know about math the easier it will be; it's one of those situations where you need to unlearn certain things they taught you in school in order to comprehend it.

You need to forgo the status que, to forget the basics and the "obvious" You need to take the reigns back from auto pilot and force your brain to actually think, genuinely think about why and how a square is turned into a cube rather than just retrieve memorised information from your 4th grade teacher showing your class how to draw a 3D cube on the chalk board.

And I'm so passionate about these things! About general relatively and seemingly complex mathematics that are actually so so simple and obvious but the education system and first impressions completely altered people's views on these things.

I used to do it so much as a kid, excitedly explain the mechanics behind black holes and their formation, predictably the adults only chuckled and cooed condescendingly.

And now that I'm an adult and can be taken seriously, I try to share it with other adults only to find out NO ONE WANTS TO USE THEIR BRAIN. Everyone is happy just living life as it is and my thrist for knowledge is a one man journey.

It's disheartening really, i genuinely love these topics and I'm passionate about them. That's why I feel like someone like the Judge would actually get it! He would listen to me talk throughly, he would share his knowledge with me!

I used to have similar ideals about defeating death and achieveing immortality in my early teen years, actually unironicly had them and wanted to get into med school for it. I also wanted to get into genetic engineering to give humans wings.

No one took it seriously and unlike Daniil I wasn't strong enough to keep that fire going, my flickering candle got sqaushed by life alongside my hopes and dreams long ago.

That's probably why a lot of us relate to him and find comfort in him, in the man who beat the odds and didn't back down from life.

You learn about being cringe the hard way, about fitting in and other people's perceptions the hard way. You give up parts of yourself in order to be loved and find a community, it's wired into our brains.

It takes an active choice to go against your biology and all the warning sirens firing off that you're straying from the herd, crossing into dangerous territory, that deep down we are a social tribe, mammals who seek acceptance and validation from each other.

And Daniil did that choice. We only get to see the fruits of his labour, not the years of ridicule he endured during med school, not the way others must have antagonised him for daring to be different and hold strong opinions, not the many mountians he had to climb and hardships he had to overcome in order to even survive through teenagehood and actually get accepted into med school.

The man founded Thanatica, he created it into existence through blood and tears, he has earned every right to act a little proud and keep repeating the "Bachelor of medicine" title after every introduction after all that he had to go through to earn it.

It's so easy to dismiss him as self-centred and arrogant rather than determined and proud.

Only through seeing the world from his eyes and walking in his own shoes do you get why he did everything he did, you find no malice in his inner thoughts, you realise he has been truthful to you this whole time.

-

Please don't apologise for the long asks, I really appreciate them.

It's good to receive someone's articulated thoughts and have the chance to reply back with a long message of my own, it feels as intimate as a receiving and sending a letter back before the industrial revolution.

If it does take me a long time to reply, I do apologise. I answer the most recent asks when it's convenient for my schedule and by the time I get to the second most recent ask, a new one or three get sent in and the other asks get buried even deeper down.

I will get to answering them all eventually, I promise.

One thing tho, I do read them all, even ones I know I won't be able to answer rn. I check my inbox daily and read as much as I can. I mull over what to reply back with throughout the day and decide to get to writing it during the night.

I enjoyed this lovely conversation! Please do take care of yourself in this heat, make sure to drink plenty of water, I emptied like 4 bags of ice to make nice cold soda drinks with ah- I hope your day is amazing.

[girl4music]

Since I’ve been watching ‘Warrior Nun’ over again (great show by the way but it was unfortunately cancelled after 2 seasons) I’ve noticed some parallels between Ava and Beatrice and Buffy and Spike. Especially the ending. I don’t know if I can explain this in an easily understandable but articulate way.

But I’ll try…

Chosen One: Buffy/Ava

A teenage warrior fighting for the greater good, taking on a destiny they never asked for or chose to take part in. It was just unfairly thrust upon them by the “Council/Church” - an institution run by the patriarchy. But they eventually learn to embrace it as who they are despite the constant urge to want to deny and rebel or give up or not try at all. Despite it not being a choice for them to become this “hero”. This is basic and something you can see immediately. The Chosen One is a narrative that is very common. So you can immediately see the parallels there.

Now for Spike/Sister Beatrice: This will be much more in-depth because I’m still sorting out and shifting through my thoughts and feelings on the parallels that I think I see through their respective character arcs. Forgetting the whole “mortal enemies” thing because that’s not what I mean here. That’s not relevant to this. Not either in a literal or metaphorical way because Beatrice doesn’t go “evil” to begin with. But she very much COULD HAVE, and for much the same reasons as Spike did. Which is my thought process on this whole parallel with them.

Hear me out. I often refer to Spike as a “repressed lesbian” because he so damn queer-coded in such a feminine way but not in a transgender/non-binary way. Plus all the parallels with Willow - who is an actual lesbian but I’m not gonna go into that. But anyway, all through his arc he is fighting his inner violent nature. His monster. His demon. The part of him he cannot escape from indefinitely because it follows him wherever he goes like a dark shadow. Beatrice is a trained warrior and killer basically. She jumps into an identity and a society that doesn’t necessarily accept her but know they need her around for her immense tactical skills and abilities against the “dark side”. And because she knows she has nowhere to go with being rejected by her family for her attraction to girls. And so she falls in line in her circle much the same way Spike falls in line with being forced to work for the Scoobies to earn his keep/keep his life. While Beatrice is very loyal to her Warrior Sister family, she begins to recognize that there’s conflict between who she is and what she believes in and what the Vatican is and believes in. Much of it because of how they’re treating Ava. She starts to see the corruption from her side and not just to the side she’s told to fight against. And then she falls in love with Ava. While it doesn’t dictate or determine her actions and choices, what it does do is make her see that there’s a whole other side to life that she has not considered because of being so sheltered as a child and unable to live life as she chooses. Something she very much relates to Ava on because in her own way she is also incapacitated. Imprisoned. And like Spike - she also could have just gone to the dark side initially. Off the rails completely and became a monster. Resented everything and everybody for the abusive ways that she was treated by everyone around her. But that was never her true nature. And it was never Spike’s either. It was only what they believed of themselves because that’s how they were told and taught to see and think of their life. As worthless. Beneath the worthiness of love or honor or respect or trust. Beneath the right to be treated like a human being. Beatrice could have indeed ended up where Spike ended up. Drawn to the dark side out of the desperation to belong or to matter in the world. To have a purpose or to feel like that they are of purpose to it despite being “too queer” to navigate within it because people can only ever see their hard cover for the pages of pain and trauma and loss that they have inside. And so something of which they think of as their release from their imprisonment at the time ends up being what chains them the most. And for Beatrice that’s all without becoming “evil”. She skipped that phase entirely or maybe it was just very brief like Dark Willow. I don’t know, I haven’t really paid all that much attention to her backstory. I’m much more interested in how it informs her future. That’s why it’s worth it.

And as for Avatrice paralleling Spuffy. It’s mainly the ending scene where I saw it. Only this time it was the Chosen One giving up her life to save the world. Like the original Chosen One hadn’t done all that before. And it’s Beatrice saying too little too late “I love you.” Maybe someone could do a parallel gif set for it.

Like I said - I’m only noticing all this now as I’m watching ‘Warrior Nun’ for the 3RD time all over again. Because honestly I thought it was a pretty damn good show. There’s a lot I didn’t understand but that’s not necessarily anything to do with the writing. Just my capability to follow it so that I can fully understand it. I was like this with Buffy’s ‘Restless’ initially. Didn’t stop it from becoming my favourite Buffy episode, did it? And I think the actresses have some real chemistry for as short-lived as that WLW romance is. But that’s how you know that it is something special to behold. When the chemistry is off the charts from DAY 1. Anyway, I just wanted to write about this as I watch.

I still think the scene with Ava being booted off the cliff is the best scene in the whole show regardless. That was some Goofy “AAAH HOO HOO HOOEY” brilliance. When I say I miss camp. I mean like this.

[semper-legens]

94. Untamed, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 411 My summary: Zoey Redbird is in a nightmare. Her friends have deserted her, the three boyfriends she had yesterday have been reduced down to none, and her undead dead best friend is now a real, bloodsucking vampire. Oh, and her best frenemy Aphrodite is almost nice now, which is another flavour of confusing. But Zoey has no time to regroup. There’s a war on the horizon. And an ancient evil is set to rise... My rating: 0/5 My commentary:

Well, I've procrastinated on this series long enough. Time to force myself back through another House of Night book! This series is, and continues to be, completely awful. Who's surprised? The series has meandered around for a while, but now we seem to be getting something approaching an actual plot, which has its ups and downs. On the one hand, things are actually happening! On the other hand, the things that are happening are bugfuck stupid and I'd rather be reading near-literally anything else right now. Why am I still forcing myself through these books? One part sunk costs fallacy to one part stubbornness. I'm determined not to let these books break me. So, without further ado..we dive once more into this pile of shit.

First, let's talk Zoey. Who, once again, is getting everything handed to her on a silver plate. Her instincts are always right, she can call all five elements to her, and Nyx tells her explicitly that she's special and beloved and can always trust her gut. Good people like her, bad people hate her. There's no tension, because she doesn't need to struggle for anything! She starts the book sans her friends, boyfriends, and credibility. Does she have to fight to regain all that she had despite all parties having very valid reasons to be pissed at her? Does she fuck! She tells her friends why she didn't mention the whole 'Stevie Rae is alive' thing to them, and they just...accept it and her back into the fold without an ounce of resentment. She spends the whole first act moping that her friends don't like her any more, then the second they forgive her and invite her to hang with them that night, she turns them down! They return to being one-note auxiliary characters who blindly follow Zoey.

Speaking of, let's talk about them for a second. They're Mean Girls cold to Zoey at the start, then blindly accept her back after being told 'actually you were wrong to shun me, nyeh'. Shawnee and the other one are still basically nonentities. Damien's only character trait is being gay (and liking 'long words', most of which are normal words that Cast appears to not think teens use?). Jack, Damien's boyfriend, also is just gay, in the sense that he's a sensitive, mincing stereotype. Every time he had dialogue I just wanted to vomit. (Oh, and it's notable for all the hamfisted 'being gay is okay!' messaging, we never really see Jack and Damien being romantic with each other - if we weren't told they were dating it would be impossible to tell.) And then there's the two vaguely interesting ones, Aphrodite and Stevie Rae. We're told repeatedly that Stevie Rae is different now, that her being leader of the red fledgelings has changed her somehow. All I'll say is that it would have been nice to see this change, rather than just be told about it. Defrosting ice queen Aphrodite is just as one-note as the other characters - the narrative still treats her as evil for *checks notes* being sexually active, but the real thing with her in this one is that she's developed a poor-little-rich-girl narrative. Boo hoo, her parents don't love her and she has more money than sense. That's not character depth, that's backstory detail. Ugh.

Part of the forward plot of this one involves a new kid to the House of Night - Stark. Like most of Zoe's friends, he's got an exceptional gift. In his case, he can never miss when firing his bow, even when his target is metaphorical. He won an archery contest when he was focusing on hitting the bullseye of his target to win, but the arrow flew to his opponent's heart, killing him. The opponent was also his mentor, meaning that Stark went into an angst spiral. See, he's a tortured hot boy. And he swore off archery, but feels physical pain when he doesn't practice. So brooding! So deep! Zoey, of course, falls for him in about 0.3 seconds, which means that when he dies after 0.5 seconds, she's broken up. Despite not even knowing him a full day, she keeps claiming they had a special connection and were so close and she was in love with him. Girl, you knew him for five minutes! This is the point I keep making about these books and pacing - everything happens so damn fast. There's no room for any character arc to happen at a realistic pace, the whole book series so far has taken place over the course of a couple of months. It should have been at least a year, given how much has happened. But no, the narrative needs them to be So In Love, so they are. Bluh.

Aaaaaand finally, the cherry on top of this shit cake - racism! Zoey has Cherokee heritage, and her grandmother is Cherokee. Mostly this has been used to make Zoey extra Special to this point. She uses smudging in her rites, and part of her special connection to Nyx seems to be that Nyx is also a Cherokee mother goddess. I don't know anything about Cherokee culture and traditions, but at the same time I'm willing to bet that this is not it. I don't think the Cherokee have a mother goddess as the supreme being? That seems more like a neo-Pagan thing, though I could be wrong. When Zoey's grandmother is badly hurt, she ends up in a Catholic hospital; she wants a Medicine Man with her, but the hospital won't allow it, so Zoey sends in a nun she'd befriended earlier. It's interesting that the second that the story could focus heavily on Cherokee belief, it retreats back into Christianity. PC Cast is a white woman, by the way, as far as I can tell.

And then...there's a prophecy that an evil spirit called Kalona will reappear, and is heralded by creatures called the Raven Mockers. The Raven Mockers are a real thing from Cherokee mythology; they're called Kalona Ayeliski, which is presumably where Cast got the name Kalona from. At least according to what I can find online, real Raven Mockers prey on the dying (you know, like ravens eating corpses) and can only be driven off by a medicine man. Here, Zoey can do it through Nyx's power, and the Raven Mockers act more like banshees than anything else. Oh, and Kalona himself? Described as being a 'fallen angel' who raped women and was defeated by a maiden made of earth, who trapped him underground after luring him in for sex. I doubt this is legitimate. Because the idea of fallen angels is, in fact, a Christian one. It seems that Cast just wants to take the trappings of Cherokee identity, but not to engage with actual Cherokee people or culture, just using it to say 'well Native Americans are magic and mystical, therefore I can just make up whatever I want'. Much like another terrible vampire romance of the era. I'm gonna carry on with this series to the bitter end, though, just watch me. Buuuuut I'm gonna read some good stuff first.

Next up, the highs and lows (get it?) of being an air ambulance doctor.

[mcbex]

**The Kind of Courage I Want**

I've been letting things marinate while to try to wade through the emotion of trying something I've never done before. I didn't really understand what I was getting myself into when I signed up for a marathon. I only knew it was going to be a lot of work. I couldn't tell you the moment I was ready to go the full distance and there was no magic mile that told me I was ready. But I do know that when I started training I had no chance of finishing. I had very bad sprained ankle that annoyingly took 6 weeks to heal. Yet I felt committed to the training regardless of understanding all that the next 5 months would do to me. I was uncertain a lot. I put off run after run concerned about the time and effort but mostly I was looming over failure. Failure was not an option. With so many variables and the amount of time it took from January 1 to race day I had to put away the excuses and act as if it didn't matter. Even still in the final weeks I would have to tell myself repeatedly 'just take the next step in your day, when you arrive at the hard parts, pray'. I had to muster some serious resolve just to start the race.

Which brings me to courage. When I think of it I often misunderstand its' meaning. I think of old world knights fighting dragons, or taking down an armed gunman, or bigger. I always think bigger about courage, neglecting the reality that courage like that is scarcely used or even needed, thus it is rare to find. I forget that the everyday courage is the kind that speaks louder. The kind of courage some people need just to get out of bed, the kind of courage to try something new, the kind it takes to maybe fail. The dragons are not all slain they are just hiding deeper in our hearts.

For my life I want to dance to the beat of my own drum and push myself to try those new things and of course first and foremost develop my friendship with God, but dancing to your own beat is hard. Doing things differently than others can feel like it shines a spot light on our actions. Frankly sometimes I just want to be a little more quiet, but I can't help myself. Although personally I often look to bosses, teachers and preachers to lead me because they seem to hold the most courage of all of us. They are willing to stand in front of the masses and claim they know things that maybe we don't or are afraid to say. While I look to them I take for granted that it's easy for them, forgetting that they too need strength. I'm finding the more I test the bounds of my valor, the more I see clearly we all do.

I realize looking back at these many months, it wasn't just one day or one run that made the difference. Of course sometimes things change us quickly like that, but again it's rare. It's the multitude of mundane things. The get up and go that forms the foundation that strengths us. Without each pep talk or early morning distance run, without the end of the day "fit-it-in" workout or the support of those around us none of us would get much past the fire of the gun. Definitely without telling myself daily I just need courage for today, I may not be in the space I am now... looking for the next marathon or something longer. Ultimately that's just another metaphor of life. Courage for today, strength for just the next step. Never forgetting when we get to the hard stuff, pray. More often than not a little adventurousness steadily spread will get us to the finish, that is the kind of courage I want.

2Chronicles‬ ‭16‬:‭9‬ ‬‬ “The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. What a fool you have been! From now on you will be at war.””

Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ ‭ “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.””

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭17‬ “Never stop praying.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭9‬ “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

‭‭

[summerf0x]

heyyy girl whenever you can- octopath traveler 2 for the ask game? Ok love ya bye

Favorite Male Character

It’s a very close race between him and Hikari, but I’d have to say Osvald V. Vanstein. A thing I take into account when determining a favorite character in rpgs is if their story is good and if they’re fun to play as, and he easily fills both of these categories. Primary magic users are always going to stand out in a cast that mostly relies on weaponry with a few spells of their own, so the combination of his three big spells with elemental barrage and advanced magic bring wonderful variety but still make combat feel balanced due to the setup required. His story is great as well, going from a hardened convict who’s been muzzled in a hellish prison for five years to slowly letting his walls down and letting go of his journey for revenge in favor of protecting his daughter and the other travelers.

Favorite Female Character

My starting character, Castti Florenz. As stated above, I like characters with a good mix of fun gameplay and good story, and she fulfills both of these categories. She’s a good mix of supporting others and dealing stupid amounts of damage (axe attack and drastic measures my beloved) and her concoct ability allows for many different ways to play. While the “character gets amnesia as a metaphor for loss” trope has been done and done again, it’s made even worse for her due to the literal loss of Eir’s Apothecaries. Despite that, she still fights for a brighter future. Her final boss is also one of the better, blending her gameplay and story well. While others are a bit too one-dimensional to be anything outside of a good fight (Mugen) or connect to the character’s story at the lack of a fun battle (Kaldena), Trousseau hits the perfect sweet spot between the two of these. Castti having to fight her fallen apprentice driven mad by the book of night and the perceived futility of the job that apocatharies do is really good for the story, and his own hazardous concoctions being a direct reference to Castti’s paired with the poison rain that will perminatly decrease your hp turning it into a battle against the clock as well, which also connects back to the story stakes with Castti having to stop him before the rain kills the people of Timberrain, plus the ending that has her make a cure for the effects of the rain with all the materials she gathered across her journey- Castti’s story is just really good. I like her a ton!

Least Favorite Character

Thurston. He’s fine on his own, but the fucking steam engine fight was so painfully unfun I managed to finish Ochette’s whole story quest before I went back, overleveled, so I could deal with him the easy way (and by easy way, I mean use max boost Call Beasts to break him before he could do anything funny).

Favorite Ship

There's a few that are pretty universal (Temenos and Crick, Castti and Malaya) and I do understand the merits of each of them. God knows how many "I miss my wife tales" jokes I've made about both of them. My personal favorite would have to be Partikari, one for the silly name, and two for the genuinely sweet way they interact throughout the game. Both of them have seen devastating hardship at a young age (Partitio was thrown into poverty to the point where he regularly had to eat weeds and Hikari fought in one of Ku's many wars at fourteen years old and beyond) but still fight to make a brighter future (Hikari wanting to end Ku's warmongering and Partitio wanting to end ALL POVERTY, which both of them end up accomplishing).

Favorite Friendship

I have two of these, actually. Thronè and Osvald and Castti and Hikari (go figure). Thronè and Osvald are two characters who have had their identity shaped by a long period of suffering (Osvald in Frigit Isle and Thronè in the Blacksnakes) who are slowly regaining their humanity as they travel with the others. They're also the only people in the main cast who have a literal collar around their necks (Osvald's prison manacles and Thronè's poison collar), and the postgame travel banters where she tries to get him to change his prison rags or where he attempts to order goulash are a really nice look into their relationship. My other favorite is Castti and Hikari. They were my first travelers and consistantly support each other across the game, Hikari talking to her after she regains her memories and Castti helping him before the storming of Castle Ku. They're in the same "weird brain" boat (Castti's amnesia paired with the rumors about Eir's Apothacaries and Hikari's curse that regularly attempts to possess him) and often try to comfort each other when their troubles rear their heads.

Favorite Quote

"I had to take one life away to extend a hand to thousands of others."

Castti says this after she kills Trousseau, in response to him making one last attempt to drag her down to his level. It really sums up her character, how she'll try and help everyone she can but is willing to put her foot (and apprentice) down if they're beyond help.

Worst Character Death (if any)

Claude. Ew. Why was he like that. I'm glad he's dead.

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment

Osvald chapter 4. I know, weird choice especially considering he's at his lowest, but it was the big moment his character needed. Up until this point his more emotional side had been reserved for a few travel banters you could easily miss if you didn’t have the correct character for it, and while chapters 1 and 3 did show what he thought and felt through internal dialogue, he was still putting up a cold front. Making him confront everything was a very satisfying moment, even more so considering the shift in his goals. Up until this point his game plan was get out of prison -> find Harvey -> kill Harvey -> kill self(?), so throwing Elena into the mix switches it up to get my daughter away from Harvey who will try and kill her for a magic ritual -> help her get her memories of me and Rita back -> find the rest of the moonshade order and get rid of them so they can’t hurt her again -> learn how to be a father again. Also, he has to fight his stone/blood construct that is HIS WIFE and he’s so sad the entire time about it and just when you think it can’t get any worse Harvey shows him his daughter, who has been brainwashed so that she doesn’t remember him. I said earlier that I wanted to see him on the floor, covered in blood, crying, and oh boy did chapter 4 deliver.

Saddest Moment

Castti chapter 3. While for Osvald I was watching like the “yessss… yes!” image, for Castti I was exploding into one billion pieces. We know very little about Eir’s Apocatharies, so seeing them as a happy community trying their best to help people across the globe when in Castti’s first chapter they’re rumored to poisoned an entire town already puts a massive sense of dread over the place. The slow signs of the plague creeping up on them (the animals eating less, the crops starting to wither) as well as Castti thinking she treated the sickness when it first appeared replicated the fabled “yelling at the screen to tell a horror movie character to not go into the basement out of fear for them” experience. The slow death of everyone from the families living in Healeaks to Andy and Randy literally throwing themselves over the fire to extinguish it as Malaya desperately feeds an unconscious Castti snowdrops before hauling her into the skiff so she can escape alive was… UAAGH. It was really well done and very sad.

Favorite Location

New Delsta! I love it’s design.