#Incorrect Top Gun

[roomiiroo]

Maverick: “playing dumb isn’t cute”

Maverick: Who says I’m playing? This is the default factory setting, and I have no idea how to turn it off

Maverick: There was assembly required, and they threw out the instruction manual and a box of screws. I’m being held together by tape and glue and some bubblegum

Ice:

Slider: Please pick someone else-

Ice: I want that one

Slider: *groans*

[slidersbabygirl]

Goose: "Viper?"

Maverick: "You love us right?"

Viper: *not looking up from his desk* "Normally I would say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like."

[icemankazansky]

for my beloved @boasamishipper

Bonus:

[roguefankc]

It's Flu Season! And because Maverick would be the biggest baby if he got sick...

(Penny, Wolfman, Slider, Merlin, and Hollywood run though the front door of Iceman and Maverick house, with Iceman tiredly sitting on the couch in the living room)

Wolfman: Ice?! what's wrong?! We all got your message that you needed help!

Iceman: It's awful! The whole house is sick! First Hangman came down with the flu, then Phoenix, then Rooster, then Payback, and then all the rest of the Dagger Squad! I was running a sick ward all weekend!

Merlin:...wait, why isn't Maverick helping you?

Iceman (flatly): Because then came Monday...

(Maverick comes out in his bathrobe, hair tousled, pale, clammy, and half-asleep and in his hands a bottle of pills)

Maverick (whining): Ice, honey? Can you open the aspirin for me?

---

(The whole 80s Top Gun team and Penny stay to help Iceman run the house and take care of Maverick and the Dagger Squad)

(Maverick is in bed, weakly ringing a bell)

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room helping Coyote): Give me a minute.

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room): I said I'm coming!

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

(Slider rushes into Maverick's bedroom in a panic): What?! What?! What?!

Maverick (weakly): My pillow needs poofing.

Slider (eye twitching):...Mitchell, I don't think you want to put a pillow in my hands right now.

---

(Maverick is in bed, whining and gasping for breath)

Maverick (weakly): I'm dying, Hollywood. I'm giving up the ghost. Every cell in my being is crying out in anguish. It was a good life while it lasted, but this is it. Hello, Grim Reaper.

Hollywood (with a bottle of cough syrup and a spoon in his hands): Cut the bullshit. The medicine doesn't taste that bad.

Maverick (weakly):...Goose? Dad? Carol? Is that you?

---

(Maverick is in his bathrobe, still sick, and in Iceman's home office while Iceman is frantically typing away on his keyboard)

Maverick: Ice, sweetie? Can you heat up some chicken soup for me?

Iceman (stressed): Mav, sorry but I'm really busy right now! I need to approve this contract in twenty minutes! Can't you just fend for yourself?

Maverick (whining): But I'm sick, honey...

Iceman: Mav, for fuck's sake, we're not talking brain surgery! All you have to do is open a stupid can and dump it in a pot!

(Maverick disappears into the kitchen and then come back a minute later. In his hands is a pot, and in the pot is a can of chicken soup. The can is open but the contents of the soup are still inside the can)

Maverick: Now what?

Iceman:...now, we talk brain surgery.

---

(Maverick stumbles in the kitchen where Penny, Wolfman, and Merlin are making soup and orange juice for all the Dagger Squad)

Maverick: Is it time for my aspirin yet?

Wolfman: No, Mitchell.

Maverick: But my throat hurts...

Merlin: Maverick, go back to bed. It hasn't been four hours yet.

Maverick: But my head hurts! My joints hurt! My eyes hurt! My body hurts! (in a baby voice) My itty bitty widdle pinkies hurt!

(Penny sighs and opens the aspirin bottle)

Maverick (smirks): I knew I'd win with that one.

Penny: These aren't for you.

(Penny gives two pills to herself, Merlin, and Wolfman and they all gulp them down immediately)

---

(BONUS)

(Cyclone is back at headquarters in his office, feet on his desk with a small glass of bourbon)

Cyclone (smiling): What a peaceful, quiet day.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Maverick: Wanna come over and eat what my mom made?

Iceman: Maverick, you’re an orphan.

Maverick: I said, wanna come over and eat what my mom made?

Iceman: *sighs*

Iceman: What did your mom ma—

Maverick: Me.

[nightmareglitter]

Hangman: sometimes my husband and Phoenix have sleepovers, in my bed, with me in it

[nanny-sc]

Watching this scene with family

Dad: Now blonde guy says to the other he is pregnant

Me: Give him a reson to return

Brother: Wtf, they are both men and dont like each other

Dad: Nobody ask your opinion

[pilotsandgays]

a lil oneshot i'm working on b4 i finish part 2 of the other icemav fic 🤭

[forvendetta]

Goose coded

[callmemana]

Arms May Be Wide Open, But The Brain Cells Aren’t There: #26

Baby nephew: fuck!

S-I-L: *gasps* who taught my baby that?!

Older Brother (the father): not me!

Younger Brother: not me!

Grandpa (bird’s dad): not me!

Everyone: *looking at Bird*

Birdie: oh yeah? blame the fucking naval aviator, right? it’s always the fuck- oh.

Birdie: *stubs toe & screams* mOTHERFUCKER!

Dad: *poking his head out of the living room* you rang?

Smiley: i finally got my average resting heartbeat down to 65.

Athena: nice.

Smiley: only 65 more to go.

Athena: NO!

Birdie: my boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what do I do?

Athena: punch him in the stomach, and when he doubles over in pain, just kiss him.

Smiley: tackle him.

Playboy: kick him in the shin.

Bob: nO TO ALL OF THAT! JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

[on a mission & Athena is banned from cursing]

Athena: Can I say a bad word?

Athena: CAN I SAY A BAD WORD?

Bob: *in a jet w/ Smiley* Yeah.

Athena: *in a dogfight at the enemy plane* YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!!

Smiley: Bird, you’re one in a million.

Bob: *from behind his book* That means that there’s 67 of you in the US.

Athena: find yourself.

Playboy: start an Army.

Smiley: overthrow the government.

Birdie: what does ‘take out’ mean?

Smiley: a date.

Athena: food.

Bob: murder.

Playboy: all three if you’re not a coward.

Bob: *tidying his bed, making sure it’s perfect*

Birdie: sprints into the room, jumping on Bob’s bed, messing it all up*

Bob: BIRD YOU IDIOT!

Birdie: CUDDLE ME!!

Bob: *smiles softly and crawls into bed*

Bob: fuck you.

Birdie: I mean- feel free.

Birdie: *puts pants on*

Bob: terrible idea, honestly.

Birdie: *after one [1] day of being separated from Athena*

Bob: hey Bird-

Birdie: *forlornly with tears in her eyes* Thena used to call me that.

Bob: that’s bc it’s your fucking name.

Dragon’s Angels📻: @dragon-kazansky @mrsjaderogers @bayisdying @starlit-epiphany @gracespicybradshaw @breadsquash

🏷️ list: @luckyladycreator2

[slidersbabygirl]

Rooster: Hey Mav, what's a metaphor?

Maverick: My life is a trainwreck.

Rooster: I know that, but what's a metaphor?

[icemankazansky]

TOP GUN

new official i remember we were fearless translation → 16/??

[roguefankc]

(Beau “Cyclone” Simpson is trying to run through a idea with Tom “Iceman” Kazansky in his office)

Iceman: This is a terrible proposal. I’m not approving it.

Cyclone: I know but it’s the only thing I can think of that the top brass would let slide!

Iceman: No, Simpson.

Cyclone: Give me one good reason.

Iceman (glaring): Well first of all, it sounds like one of Maverick’s ideas, and secondly - 

Cyclone (wincing): Hold it. That’s enough for me.

[mxrcusflint]

daggers (this is how the movie went, right?)

[cirr0stratus]

[lieutenantfloyd]

Top Gun: Maverick as chaotic romantic texts