#Incorrect Top Gun

[slidersbabygirl]

Goose: "Viper?"

Maverick: "You love us right?"

Viper: *not looking up from his desk* "Normally I would say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like."

[icemankazansky]

for my beloved @boasamishipper

Bonus:

[roomiiroo]

Maverick: “playing dumb isn’t cute”

Maverick: Who says I’m playing? This is the default factory setting, and I have no idea how to turn it off

Maverick: There was assembly required, and they threw out the instruction manual and a box of screws. I’m being held together by tape and glue and some bubblegum

Ice:

Slider: Please pick someone else-

Ice: I want that one

Slider: *groans*

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Maverick: Look, as a straight man I think—

Iceman: Wait, what did you just call yourself?

Maverick: … A straight man?

Slider: Oh, so we’re just saying things now? As a toaster, I—

Maverick:

[missunderstood-with-ideas]

Goose: Do you ever think before you do something?

Maverick: nope I like being just as surprised as everyone else

Iceman: mav wtf

Maverick: the enemies can’t know my next move if I don’t know my next move either

[roguefankc]

It's Flu Season! And because Maverick would be the biggest baby if he got sick...

(Penny, Wolfman, Slider, Merlin, and Hollywood run though the front door of Iceman and Maverick house, with Iceman tiredly sitting on the couch in the living room)

Wolfman: Ice?! what's wrong?! We all got your message that you needed help!

Iceman: It's awful! The whole house is sick! First Hangman came down with the flu, then Phoenix, then Rooster, then Payback, and then all the rest of the Dagger Squad! I was running a sick ward all weekend!

Merlin:...wait, why isn't Maverick helping you?

Iceman (flatly): Because then came Monday...

(Maverick comes out in his bathrobe, hair tousled, pale, clammy, and half-asleep and in his hands a bottle of pills)

Maverick (whining): Ice, honey? Can you open the aspirin for me?

---

(The whole 80s Top Gun team and Penny stay to help Iceman run the house and take care of Maverick and the Dagger Squad)

(Maverick is in bed, weakly ringing a bell)

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room helping Coyote): Give me a minute.

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

Slider (in the next room): I said I'm coming!

Maverick (ringing the bell): Slider...

(Slider rushes into Maverick's bedroom in a panic): What?! What?! What?!

Maverick (weakly): My pillow needs poofing.

Slider (eye twitching):...Mitchell, I don't think you want to put a pillow in my hands right now.

---

(Maverick is in bed, whining and gasping for breath)

Maverick (weakly): I'm dying, Hollywood. I'm giving up the ghost. Every cell in my being is crying out in anguish. It was a good life while it lasted, but this is it. Hello, Grim Reaper.

Hollywood (with a bottle of cough syrup and a spoon in his hands): Cut the bullshit. The medicine doesn't taste that bad.

Maverick (weakly):...Goose? Dad? Carol? Is that you?

---

(Maverick is in his bathrobe, still sick, and in Iceman's home office while Iceman is frantically typing away on his keyboard)

Maverick: Ice, sweetie? Can you heat up some chicken soup for me?

Iceman (stressed): Mav, sorry but I'm really busy right now! I need to approve this contract in twenty minutes! Can't you just fend for yourself?

Maverick (whining): But I'm sick, honey...

Iceman: Mav, for fuck's sake, we're not talking brain surgery! All you have to do is open a stupid can and dump it in a pot!

(Maverick disappears into the kitchen and then come back a minute later. In his hands is a pot, and in the pot is a can of chicken soup. The can is open but the contents of the soup are still inside the can)

Maverick: Now what?

Iceman:...now, we talk brain surgery.

---

(Maverick stumbles in the kitchen where Penny, Wolfman, and Merlin are making soup and orange juice for all the Dagger Squad)

Maverick: Is it time for my aspirin yet?

Wolfman: No, Mitchell.

Maverick: But my throat hurts...

Merlin: Maverick, go back to bed. It hasn't been four hours yet.

Maverick: But my head hurts! My joints hurt! My eyes hurt! My body hurts! (in a baby voice) My itty bitty widdle pinkies hurt!

(Penny sighs and opens the aspirin bottle)

Maverick (smirks): I knew I'd win with that one.

Penny: These aren't for you.

(Penny gives two pills to herself, Merlin, and Wolfman and they all gulp them down immediately)

---

(BONUS)

(Cyclone is back at headquarters in his office, feet on his desk with a small glass of bourbon)

Cyclone (smiling): What a peaceful, quiet day.

[nightmareglitter]

Hangman: sometimes my husband and Phoenix have sleepovers, in my bed, with me in it

[nanny-sc]

Watching this scene with family

Dad: Now blonde guy says to the other he is pregnant

Me: Give him a reson to return

Brother: Wtf, they are both men and dont like each other

Dad: Nobody ask your opinion

[xihe1874]

[Mav walks into the room, eyes ringed with fatigue] Slider: Mav, man, what happened to your eyes? Mav, suddenly shy: Oh, he is perfectly fine, though I think it is a little bit too early to call him my Ic-- Mav: OH Mav: You mean my EYES Slider: Slider: YES???

[struggling-with-space]

Bradley to Y/N over text: Jake told me to send it to my cute friend from the bar last weekend I don't think he has realised we've been together for 3 years

Bradley:

Y/N: Tell him I'm only interested in the guy on the right

Bradley: I will

Bradley:

[polikszena]

Iceman: You... You are the kicker of ass?

Maverick: Yeah.

Iceman: You are so tiny. Like an elf. Or is it a fairy?

Slider: A troll.

Iceman: Yes, you are like a troll.

Maverick: You are physically flawless.

Iceman: Thank you.

Maverick: But it doesn't mean I like you.

[slidersbabygirl]

Rooster: Hey Mav, what's a metaphor?

Maverick: My life is a trainwreck.

Rooster: I know that, but what's a metaphor?

[icemankazansky]

TOP GUN

new official i remember we were fearless translation → 16/??

[pilotsandgays]

a lil oneshot i'm working on b4 i finish part 2 of the other icemav fic 🤭

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Iceman: Do you want to play 20 Questions? 

Maverick: Sure!

Maverick: What’s your favorite color? 

Iceman, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

[missunderstood-with-ideas]

Iceman: I just finished talking to my doctor and he told me I should be concerned about you, you have something that’s uncurable 

Maverick: ???? Me??? You have cancer??

Iceman: yea he said you’re in the late stages of DBD

Maverick: what? Is that??

Iceman: Dumb bitch disease