#In which I am emo

[herefortheships]

Let's see if I can actually focus on my wip tonight. I have Beetlejuice brain rot all over again. Especially Beetlebabes, obviously.

I just have many things I want to say about them. Right now what's dominating my mind is how they truly seem to be each other's missing piece and it makes me sad because if you think about it, though this is a comedy, the story here, the romance is kind of tragic? Because he's dead, after all, and she's still alive. They are literally in two different worlds, while still being connected to each other. He's only at the distance of her voice calling his name, but even when he's there with her, can she truly ever be his? If they get married he can be with her always... Whether that happens or not, and whether she ever loves him the same or not, he will always wait for her 🥺.

Anyway my friends, I am not only in brain rot mode tonight, I am also emo about them. 😭🖤

[hinamie]

i have so much band!au content in the pipeline my brain is Rotting but enjoy these two for now

jjk band!au

[den-ai-d]

Creationism 🤖

Professor Turo definitely has complicated feelings about his robot 😤 Multiple variants available on my patreon!

Preview and link under the cut 😊

Link to my PATREON

hmm...I wonder if there's already fan fics that explore this dynamic? Better check ao3...😙

[front-facing-pokemon]

[andro-dino]

I don’t know how they did it but they gave a troll tguy swag,,,, godbless

+ closeup of just the human version bc I like how he came out a lot <3

[niuxita21]

😭😭

[slytherinshua]

I think one of the reasons the astronaut continues to be so nostalgic and sentimental to me is because its release marked the close of my bts era— not in a sad sudden way, but like a gentle taper out to an end.

I never biased jin, yet his vocals were the start, middle, and end to everything I associate with bts and my time with them as a group. epiphany was the first bts song I ever heard in 2018, even though I wouldn’t stan them for 3 more years. moon is my favourite bts song to this day. the astronaut ending my era with them as my ults is a picture perfect close.

I think jin is under-appreciated as an artist and a vocalist. because of his personality, we mostly love him for his jokes, or because of his visuals, he’s known for his face. yet when he sings songs like abyss, epiphany, the astronaut, moon, or awake, his voice holds a million emotions and feelings in the melody. there is something so timelessly beautiful about his voice, and for the first time since I stopped following bts closely, I’m really so excited for his solo album. I hope he can continue to shine as an artist and a vocalist into his late 30’s and 40’s. his voice is one that will never get old and I certainly will never get tired of hearing him sing.

deep in my bts era, I always used to debate whether my favourite bts vocalist was jin or jungkook. and it was always funny to me why jin made it to such a high ranking when jungkook was my bias. jin didn’t even wreck me like other members, and at the time, I enjoyed his solos, but they weren’t in the ranking to become my favourite timeless songs like they are now that I’ve stepped away.

although I’m not active in the fandom anymore and have disconnected from content and the members, the music still stays, their voices still stay, always reminding me how bts changed my life in such a dramatic way. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how different I would be if I hadn’t found them. it’s not just about kpop, fanfic or being a stan— finding them was the first time I ever found something by myself, for myself and enjoyed it independently without the influence of anyone else. and the start of that was with jin and his voice and I’ll never forget how much he changed my life.

[etirabys]

there's a fantasy series (scholomance) I read where you cast spells with magical energy you gather by doing "otherwise pointless" work, like crocheting things you immediately undo, or push-ups

to improve mood & combat the upcoming nerfing of pregnancy, I signed up for a strength training session with CJ's trainer (and subsequently will refer to him as CJ's trainer even if he becomes my trainer, to microdose the frisson of implied infidelity). I had my first session lifting weights today, and came back wanting to write an effortpost on substack for the first time in months

I cast SUMMON LONGFORM THOUGHT

[sickfreaksirkay]

no one talk to me about how the word virgil uses to describe aeneas killing turnus means "to bury [his sword]" but also means "to found [a city]". christ

[madou-dilou]

"Each unjust act, even committed for the sake of a just cause, carries its curse within." The Accursed Kings, 1956

[dumbasssportsboys]

Red Earth & Pouring Rain - Bear’s Den

[azrail-has-a-vendetta]

idk WHO (in my system) THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA BUT I AM SUFFERING

I hate long nails, I can’t do shit!

[herefortheships]

In tonight's edition of every song ever is about my ship, I bring you "I miss you" by Blink 182 as a sad goth vibes Beetlebabes song 🖤

//Honestly I hate that tiktok made this song into a meme because this song is beautiful and it was huge when it came out for us alternative/goth/punk teens in the early 2000s and it pretty much pioneered the emo wave that came after. Super influential song, so don't let tiktok taint it.

[hashtag-dads]

Guess what came early!!!!!!!! :3

[ladysatoru]

Important question!!

Do you think Sanji would listen to Cigarettes after Sex?

OH HELL YEA sanji is so sentimental and sensitive, the type of person to appreciate the lyrics and soothing melodies of cigarettes after sex. His heart is so big and so full of love and genuine warmth and emotions, he would daydream with some cas in the background. Look at him he's so lovely

Also he's a pisces and they tend to be huge art enthusiasts esp music. They often use music as a form of escapism and lord knows how much sanji needs that LMAO

Also I heavily associate sanji with cigarettes after sex because he himself is so calm dreamy and sensual. cas songs give u that feeling like you're in a dream, soft hazy and sweet, melancholic, ethereal intimate, very sensual but never vulgar. Sanji is on that level of beautiful sweet elegant and lovely like a dream, a hopeless romantic but he also has so much melancholy in his heart he IS the entire cas discography for me.

Just imagine sweet playing in the background while sanji is doing the dishes or tidying up his kitchen in lazy afternoons I WILL END IT ALL

[set-phasers-to-whump]

let me help

prompt: asking for help

whumpee: illya kuryakin

fandom: the man from uncle

hi happy halloween and welcome to my last fic of the month!! it's pre-ship and that's all there is to it. (title from the city on the edge of forever which is a star trek tos episode that i've been obsessed with for years. yeah.)

“Can you help me?”

Napoleon stops dead in his tracks. He can count on…well, no hands the amount of times he’s ever heard such a request from his partner. Admittedly they’ve only been working together a couple months, but still. Gaby’s asked. Napoleon himself has asked. 

Illya, though? Never. 

“What with?” Napoleon asks, all casual. He doesn’t want Illya to back off, to rescind his trust. 

“I cannot—this report. I do not understand what I am supposed to write.”

Napoleon moves over beside Illya and looks down at the paper atop his desk. It’s a standard mission report, and Illya has filled out the basics, but a lot of it is just blank space. 

Napoleon gets it—there are a lot of technical words involved in the report, and even he as a native speaker of English sometimes struggles to parse his experiences into the kind of terms the bureaucracy is looking for. 

“Yeah, so in this part,” Napoleon starts, gesturing to a box, “you need to write down the equipment you used.”

“Only me?”

“Yes. Gaby and I’ve filled out the same form, so they know what we’ve used collectively. This is individual data.”

“Okay,” Illya says, and Napoleon watches him very slowly write down the name of his gun, his knife, the personal radio. 

This feels weird. Not because of the task itself, which is actually quite nice, getting to explain things he understands and help his partner, but because Illya’s already filled out three mission reports before this. Why hadn’t he asked before?

Illya sniffs, huffs out a breath, and says, “I don’t want to write this.”

“I know the feeling, but we have to.”

Another sniff and another sigh. “Tomorrow I will do it.”

This is really weird. Illya is never one to put off work for tomorrow which could be done today. It’s just not how he is. 

“Are you sure? I can help you some more.”

Illya shakes his head. Napoleon feels still more strongly that something isn’t quite right. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

Illya looks at him very intently, and very deliberately says, “I am fine.”

Something in his expression emboldens Napoleon, tells him he’s right. And so he pushes. “No, you’re not. Something’s the matter, and you might as well tell me.”

Illya scowls. “You don’t know this.”

“You asked me for help with a mission report, and I know you’ve done these before without any help. So something’s up.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Try again.”

“It’s stupid.”

“Better.”

Illya looks at his desk for a very long time. His ears have turned pink. When he looks up at Napoleon, his cheeks are pink as well, and there’s a sort of shame and dismay in his eyes that Napoleon has never seen before. 

“I didn’t ask. Before, when I was writing these reports. I thought…I was worried that you will think I’m stupid. Because I don’t know these technical words.”

“I’d never think you were stupid. Not for something like that. Maybe for your propensity to put yourself into extreme danger, but never for this. Even I struggle with what these mission reports want from me, and I’m writing them in my first language.”

Illya nods very slightly. He still looks faintly miserable, and Napoleon is determined to get to the bottom of everything and fix it. 

“You can always come to me for help with these reports. Or anything else, actually. If I can help you with anything, ever, just…just let me know.” This is perhaps a bit more than he’d intended to say, a bit too revealing when, all things considered, they haven’t known each other for that long, but it’s true, and he means it. 

Only now it seems like he’s done something wrong, because Illya’s eyes have gotten all glassy and he really hadn’t meant to make things worse but of course he somehow has. 

“Sorry. If that was…too much. I did mean it, though.”

Illya looks rather surprised by this apology. “Why are you sorry? It’s very kind.”

“I just thought…well, you looked upset. You still do, actually. I was worried I’d said something wrong.”

Illya’s cheeks turn pinker, and he looks away. “It’s nothing.”

“You have to quit saying that.”

“Really, though. It is fine.”

Napoleon crosses his arms and waits. 

“Maybe I am sick.” Illya says this very quietly and hesitantly, like he’s not sure of it. 

The entire thing suddenly makes sense. The asking for help, the general look of suffering, the lowered emotional barriers. He feels like a fool for not having put the pieces together sooner. 

Hindsight is 20/20, he reflects, reaching out a hand and laying it against Illya’s forehead. His partner doesn’t so much as flinch.  

The skin beneath his hand is warm to the touch, though not to a dangerous degree. He doesn’t miss the way Illya leans into his palm, just a bit, the way he sinks back into himself when Napoleon pulls his hand away. 

Napoleon wants to prolong this contact that Illya seems to be drawn towards. He wants to sit beside him and wrap an arm around him, let Illya’s forehead come to rest against his shoulder, a little too warm, wants so badly to be that little bit of help, of comfort, that makes the illness more bearable. 

He checks his watch. “Only an hour left of the day. Let’s get out of here. I’ll drive you home.”

He hasn’t been to Illya’s apartment yet. Doesn’t know if he’s allowed. But he wants to help and is willing to fight for it. 

Not that there’s any need. Illya, rather surprisingly, just nods. “Okay.”

Napoleon extends a hand, and it feels like a little victory when his partner takes it and allows himself to be helped to his feet. 

Once standing, he sways for a second, braces a hand against the desk, then inhales deeply. 

“Alright?”

A small nod. 

“Let’s go, then.”

They traipse out of the building without running into anyone else. There’s a nonzero chance Waverly will be mildly peeved tomorrow, but Napoleon will take the fall gladly. 

Just before they reach Napoleon’s car, Illya stops. For a second Napoleon thinks, this is it, he’s going to refuse, but then Illya simply says, “thank you.”

He sounds so sincere that it makes Napoleon’s chest ache, just a little. He wonders when was the last time that Illya was driven home by someone. When he was last really cared for when unwell, and not brushed aside or treated brusquely. 

“Of course,” Napoleon replies. It’s all he can think to say. 

They climb into the car, and Napoleon drives them to Illya’s apartment—he knows where it is, although he’s never been there. What kind of spy would he be, otherwise?

When they get there, he’s again afraid that this is the moment where Illya will have had enough. Where the training and culture of the KGB is going to kick in, and Illya is going to kick him out. 

It never happens. Illya does not say a word when Napoleon comes up with him, when he bustles around the kitchen looking for ingredients for soup, when he brings Illya water and medicine and blankets. 

In fact, the only thing he really says, when Napoleon is standing by the stove and contemplating what the hell kind of soup he can make with the sad array of ingredients he’s found in the cabinets, is exactly the opposite of Napoleon’s worries. 

“Stay?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promises, and he thinks that he wants this to mean forever.

thanks for reading! with this i am now a whumptober completionist for six years running isn't that insane?? i am so happy i managed to do all this while doing all my other shit too!!!! i had such a good time writing this month and i hope you enjoyed reading, whether you've read all my fics or just this one. i love you guys!!!!