#Im too slow with my art and cant focus its making me want to just give up and go to bed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moldwood · 7 months

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i have 15 minutes before my work day starts, so why not have some reflections on 2023 for the lunar new year since my zodiac the dragon returns to me ☀️

PASSION

at the very end of the year, i did something i had always wanted to do and stepped down from work into a substitute position so i could focus on my art. it has been... slow, but i think it was the right move. whenever im not making something, i really cannot stand life. of course, i wont be able to stand it if i cant eat either, so well see how things turn out by the end of this year. i do think i need to get some art priorities in order, because im jumping around between a lot of projects which means theyre all getting done very slowly. i need to start focusing on one thing at a time, i think, but i really am enjoying the new stronger presence art has in my life.

MOOD

i really feel better than ever in regards to myself! most likely due to the aforementioned outpouring of passion into things ive wanted to do for YEARS. for the past few years, ive been a bit more aware of everything going on in my head than when i was a teen since i was still processing a lot of trauma, so ive been letting myself have a bit more slack on the rope in terms of "acting out of character" if that makes any sense. having a solid personality isnt something i really worry about since i know your sense of self is always shifting in every circumstance, but there were just some ways i never acted before that i let myself try on, find out its not for me, and then i end up feeling even more solid in who i am since i know what im not. i always knew i wasnt a giggly, happy-go-lucky person, but now i know that i can feel that way when i really really like someone. laios im talking about laios i have to be honest.

FRIENDSHIP

i think its my own personal failing that i overlook red flags from friends and try to make excuses for their behavior up until its too late and i have trouble not realizing that giving them an open space to be themself away from the world and support isnt enough to change that some are the type of people who are just looking for an excuse to think poorly of you anyway. i dont think im an overly kind person who will coddle someone being bad to me or a friend, but i definitely dont put my foot down enough. it happens in minor ways, but it happened in a major way again recently. if i had a dime for every time it turned into something severe, i would have two dimes. eight years apart and i let someone do the same thing, just minus suicide baiting me this time

tldr a friend of a friend sent that friend some stuff and it turns out that a friend who is no longer a friend turned into an islamophobe or at least started following islamophobic accounts and is very... delusional about the whole friendship + the kind of people we are + how we thought of him + really just wanted to think the worst of us and felt now he had a reason. we didnt read much more and felt no need to. its for the best that it's over, though, i think. he really was like that the whole friendship and didnt put any value on the things i/we did for him because it was never enough, which i knew the whole time but ignored because i thought if i did enough it would be enough, which leads me to:

i have been focusing more on loving my friends lately in the wake of that. i always have, though im not very vocal/chatty, so ive always shown it in my own way through giving drawings and gifts whenever im able. im never worried that i dont have a place in their lives, and im trying to worry less about the disconnect between how im thought of vs how i am. i think more what i am focusing on now is that i was always a very busy person, so while my friends were always very important to me, i want to do even more to show that since i want them to be sure of it. i dont have much time for any more projects, but i want to make sure they know i would do all i can for them outside of just drawing. i think this will help a bit with feeling more comfortable saying when i think something theyre doing isnt chill to me since the feeling would Hopefully go from me being bossy to me being just looking out for them being their best selves/not letting myself be misunderstood which just happens bc i dont talk very clearly not out of any lack of caring (there is a jumbled mess between my head and my mouth)

i also want to try to make new friends, or at least new acquaintances. theres a few people (mutuals 🥴) ive really wanted to talk to more, but i never know what to say. which makes sense, since i dont even talk with my friends all that much, usually only just whatever comes up in the current conversation in vc. autism damned. that boy cannot hold a conversation for his life. but maybe drawings are the way to go. my hands are all ive got IN SUMMARY

there are more thoughts and i dont have time to reread + word everything all nice because i have to work now. it is all a rambling train of thought mess. BUT tldr: life is really good right now and i feel more solid in the friendships im keeping and i am excited for my future art endeavors now that the last thing i was waiting for (the mixing palette!!!) came in. of course friendship is the longest section its the most important thing to me. anyway dreams for the year quickly ummmmm

✦ i want to learn how to use gouache. i have it! but i have to wait till i get a few projects out to get started. i think this will be very fun and very good for me because its been so long since ive played with a new medium ✦ i want to get better at small talk. how is the weather? do you like this type of weather? what type of weather do you like? what do you like to do when it is that type of weather? ✦ i want to visit prague to see if moving there would be good + feasible. my mom and half sister want to take a trip there, so i really hope that pans out and we can all go! ✦i want to work through my moral ocd about opening up a patreon/kofi and selling merch. people wouldnt subscribe if they didnt already have the money to. it doesnt matter if i make and sell 40 acrylic charms that are plastic and bad for the environment, taylor swift takes a private jet for a 20 minute car ride. ✦ i want to reach a higher fluency with arabic. its hard to find time to practice with my huge workload, so i think once i get better at time management with the projects, i can devote my mornings to a lesson a day and make better progress. ✦ lastly ig i want to try more new foods. i have been for the past several years, but i still am not the best at having good food consistently. im too busy right now to cook every day, so again i guess when i get better at time management between projects and life, i can devote some time in the week to meal prep + cooking good food. thank you laios dungeon meshi for reinforcing this. i already knew it but now theres a hot boy telling me it

2024 the year of more wahoooooo more taking more giving more drawing more cooking more dreaming more sun in the summer

#dear diary #☺ i cant say im necessarily looking forward to the future because i know it will be hard especially in the coming years #but i think i can still look forward to the good times and that i can firmly say ill weather the bad times no problem

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rwqv · 24 days

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HOW EXCITING.... i just got back from my mamas birthday celebration too ... muehehhe

im at chapter 196 and i am sorry to be the one to say this but the culling games is a little bit of a snooze fest.... its just not my favorite theres so much nonstop fighting (i know its a shonen but still) and liek all theyre trying to do is save gojo 😓😓😓 and there r so many new characters i cant keep up.... except my goat remi i luv her

but Yes.... i am in art block too ugh ive been wanting to practice rendering cus its actual booty but liek i always spend 98% of it looking for inspo and 2% actjally drawing LOL

i think you should draw .... nobamaki .... with eyepatch nobara .......

i hope u overcum your art block my goat

AAWWW thats so cute!!! i hope she had a great birthday!!!

im kinda regretting not buying the hidden inventory arc or at least whatever else bc i enjoyed those more...like i love badass maki and everything but the culling games feel different like a kind of interlude before gojo vs. sukuna... :( like in book 17 alone they threw the whole zenin clan at you and im like whatt bro slow down who is zenin poopy number 562 i dont care just die already vro... point system also looks like its gonna make me wanna die bleh. i get its a shonen but put some more damn emotions in there!!!!!!!!!! just a bit more slice of life please before i die i miss the beginning when everyone was a okay!!!!!!!

i will be watching for remi just for u ^_^ maybe when i reach it i can draw some for uu

I KNOWW rendering sucks i can not focus on coloring a drawing well for more than like 1-2 horus before getting super bored... and i really wanna learn color theory or whatever but i just feel so deep in art block im thankful im not the only one... but ur so right looking for inspo makes you feel so good but then i feel nothing when i want to draw. ALSO UR RENDERING IS SO GOOD like ive always been jealous (in a good way) of your rendering and colors and im always like yummy yummy in my tummy u do so good i wish i had ur coloring skillz

I WILL DRAW NOBAMAKI FOR U!!!! ill try to make it good with colors and stuff i just want to get this response back before an ungodly amount of time i hope u overcum artblock too my W for winner

#jjk spoilers ig

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memurfevur-archive · 2 years

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NOOOOOO T.T I'm so invested in mr flutterby why he get shoved under bed

cuz my brain cant focus on a single plot arc for too long

im still working on Telltale, i have a drabble written up, i just cant focus to save my life. but id rather be jumping around from narrative to narrative or else id feel guilty and bored keeping myself to only one. like, for example why should i make art when theres an entire story to write? shame on me, i cant let that happen! im lazy! im bad! uninteresting! blah blah blah! it turns into a deal of how I'm no longer doing this for me... and id rather do it for me! i want to have fun with it else what's the point?

so id rather focus on many things at once and jump around wherever my mood takes me rather than focusing on only one and feeling terrible about it if i feel as if the progression isnt meeting my standards. part of this is because of ouroboros unbound; its on hiatus right now for reasons, and i increasingly felt bad about it. so, why not focus on other things and just go with that flow?

and mind you, Telltale won't be on pause forever, and hopefully neither will Ouroboros Unbound. chances are, my Avonis muse will be awoken very easily again (most likely by Bast <3) and I'll get to finishing the Dhavra drabble. its very hard for me not to have an active muse when people are taking direct interest in them. sort of how my motivation works ig; if people are interested in a character I'm more likely to do things with that character.

Avonis is still open for asks and rp! im just being very slow about writing the narrative, and for that i apologize!

#muntalks #mun asks

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doki-mocha · 4 years

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i’m gonna go off into a rant

i wanted to much to make the best of my time at home. stuck at home during quarantine. having all the time in the world to work on myself and my art. but nope. i tried so hard, i tried fixing my weight, my face, my organization, my schedules, my focus. improve myself in so many ways, stay on task, stay motivated, stay up. but i came out of these 6 months just the same.

i lost weight and gained it back. cleared my face then gave up and now we’re back to my dirt road of a face. i wasn’t able to do any of the comics i had planned. i had plans for two ongoing comics: lewlings comic and goodboy gambino: but i stopped a few pages in for both because i don’t have the time anymore because my classes are packing. i wanted to do commissions all break at least, and I’ve been stuck on this third commission for the past 4 months. i tried keeping myself on task and on schedule by plastering calendars and to-do lists all over my room, but they’ve gone ignored. i wanted to watch a bunch of anime or play games while on break to spark my creativity, but i’ve been sitting here doing NOTHING. I’VE DONE NOTHING. THIS WHOLRE 6 MONTH IMPRISONMENT I HAVE DONE NOTHING.

All I wanted to do is fix myself so i can make people happy. i wanted to get my life together so i’m able to produce art and comics people will enjoy during these shit ass times, but everyday is a waste. i’ve put nothing into this world while the world beats down on us. i’m trying so hard to be happy but my body says ‘take this beating.’

i wanted to do so much, but now we started a new year and my schedule is going to be jam packed. and not even, i’m also trying to shove in my self care routine in it all. there are so many hours ina day, but i’m so fucking slow

Eating takes an hour, showering takes an hour, trying to wae up takes an hour, getting em to take my medicine takes an hour. I’m nothing but a waste of time. So much time I’m filling up with my nothingness. all the hours I couldve done my work, could have read my book, could have watched a show, played a game, drawn something, DONE SOMETHING and what do I do?

i try to get the tiniest happy the easiest way i can. just surfing the web looking for that easy droplet of happiness. scrolling is the easiest thing i can do and on average, i scroll for a half hour and find something to give me that delicious serotonin. and then its gone. and then i scroll again.

i’ve muted so many accounts, muted so many words to keep the unhappiness out and what do i get? i get nothing. the happiness is so few and far in between. an d i just dont have rthe energy to create it myeslf. i just want to do something. i want to be something. but there is too much going on. everything going on is giving me a headache that all i can do is cover my ears and hide.

there’s so much i want to do. so many drawings that need to be made.

but my brain has a block

there is a fucking block in the way

i cant even think. all my brain sees is a giant wall that says “stress” but there is no description

i dont even know what im stressed at or about. but a block that says stress.

the lists goes on and on and it overlaps and overlaps that all you see is black. all the words written out in ink merge together. all the blackness has meaning but i can’t make sense f any of it.

i cant even get a counselor to help me through this coming year because of this disease. aint even a good place to kill yaself around here. stuck at home where i made it as safe as possible because i want to live. i want to live a long happy life making other people happy. but its so hard to get to the happy.

i’ve literally been lying here braindead for th epast few days ever since i finished that archer boys portrait. two weeks, maybe more, working on that thing. focusing, smiling, excited, hyped. i was so happy to see all the comments and approval people gave me. that was my high. the highest high. and its gone

its all gone

and im in classes again

about to be bombarded with allt eh things that make me unhappy

one more year

one last year

one year to finish it all, move away from it all, one more year until i can say i’m free. i can draw, i can work, i can live, i can be happy on ym own terms. i just need to make it through. take it all in. absorb it all. survive it all.

i hope that there are still people out there that seek out the things i can give

because i dont think i can do any of this the rest of this year

please wait for me

please find me

i’ll be happy soon

and i can bring you guys some happy too

im gonna go cry maybe. or just sleep. lets see.

the schedule starts tomorrow, and i will try

here’s to a new year

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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May 27th-June 2nd, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 27th, 2019 to June 2nd, 2019. The chat focused on SUPERPOSE by Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on SUPERPOSE by Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka~! (https://superposecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 2nd to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. When it comes to the themes of feeling lost and finding your place in life, which character do you connect with the most? What moment of their internal struggle regarding this topic really captured your imagination and why?

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Only a couple scenes in at this point, but wow, I can't let the coloring technique go uncommented on. It's gorgeous. Changes for every environment and every time of day, presenting them with rich palettes and exquisite lighting.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Kas will eventually adjust to life in Port City and get out more? If so, how might that change them? Overall, how do you think the nature of Port City will shape the characters as the story continues?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. How do you think Royal’s father will react to Royal’s plans with the company? How will this personally affect Royal? Further, will Royal’s father be as cool about who Rafael is related to? Also, how will Rafael’s relationship with his father affect the story?

RebelVampire

1) that scene where Royal is in the arcade teaching the kids the glitch in the game. this was the first time where i felt like we really got to see royal's soul. previously he just felt like kind of a smart air-head, but this scene made me see him in an entirely new light. there deep thoughts and grave ambition hidden under there, and the way he explained the glitch really just made me want to play glitchy games and marvel at them. plus, for comedic reasons i like the juxtaposition of the kids basically just not giving any damns about what royal is talking about. they just wanna win their game https://superpose.superposecomic.com/post/161303418270 2) its a tough choice between royal and rafael, but im gonna go with rafael. i think my favorite scenes with him in regards to being lost are when we see him in the ocean. to me those scenes are physical manifestations of what hes feeling internally, which is like a small speck alone in a vast ocean trying not to drown in everything. and honestly, what a great way to put feeling lost, because sometimes that is exactly what it feels like. plus, for me personally, i can connect with rafael's seeming lack of ambition a bit more than i connect with royal. since it's not like rafael doesn't have skills, rafael just doesnt seem to know what to do with those skills.

RebelVampire

3) Royal. I love how hyper excited Royal is about everything and just the sheer amount of ambition he has. Like, I can't not admire someone who is so sure of their own damn idea that they pursue it like their life is on the line. That being said, I also like that Royal can be a bit of a doofus and also that he still has internal struggles of his own. Like trying to find a place in the world with his dad being pretty stern and detached emotionally. 4) I do think Kas is gonna get out in Port City more, mostly probably cause Royal and Rafael will drag them around whether Kas likes it or not. Which I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, but I think eventually Kas will kind of get used to everything if only out of necessity. Plus, I think Rafael will show Kas the good spots where Kas doesn't have to be bothered by jerks. I do worry though that in the long run, the city is kind of going to continue to amplify all their internal struggles and will continue to bring those to the forefront of the story. Port City strikes me as sort of a backwater city. Like the sort of city that isn't cool enough to intense tourism but is large enough that it devours everyone into the crowd. And that's the exact sort of environment that can breed feeling lost. Plus, a lot of the random people we've seen have been kind of shitty, like drug dealers.

5) I've gotta give it to the beam https://superpose.superposecomic.com/post/183664963457 the lighting on this page takes my breath away, and the pacing leading up to the illustration is really perfect too. Especially, though, I like the little intense beam of blue at the top. Not only does it visually show off the intensity of the power, but it add that nice level of contrast that draws your eye to it. plus, great composition for this page in my opinion and a well-chosen angle. 6) Royal's father is gonna be super, duper pissed unless it makes him a lot of money. I assume he will find out before it reaches that point and immediately pull Royal out and fire everyone. Cause I do not believe Royal's father has enough faith in Royal. Which this would obviously damage their relationship, and I think Royal will have to confront the feelings of insecurity he has because of his dad and how his dad has a lot of faults. Thankfully for Rafael, I don't think the dad will care about his dad. At most, I think there will be snide remarks. As for Rafael and his dad, I think their relationship is gonna drive a wedge at some point in Rafael's plans and kind of make him have to take a step back from the project maybe. I think Rafael is taking on a lot of guilt for what his dad has done, and I think he'll need to work through that before he can truly be happy.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What do you feel the comic has to say about family relationships and how they help define who we are? What moment in the comic stuck out to you where this theme was at the forefront?

varethane

Royal and Rafael's interactions are always engaging, though I find them also very tense most of the time haha-- they're both very intense people

RebelVampire

as much as i like Royal, I would probably be more like Kas when interacting with him. where im just kind of internally like "royal slow your roll dude"

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Given how different Rafael, Royal, and Kas are, what obstacles do you foresee in the three getting along? How will their personal lives affect their professional lives in this regard? Alternatively, what ways have their relationships improved that you liked?

RebelVampire

7) Probably Royal and Kas. They have such opposite personalities that I'm always interested to see how they make their relationship work, both professionally and personally. There's also just something deeply relateable I find in their struggles to communicate while both being immensely self aware that they are ill-matched in regards to their socialization styles. 8) I think the comic shows both the good and bad ways our parents morph who we are. Like Rafael is a great dude, but he clearly has some deep-seated issues that I think are largely tied into the crimes of his father and feeling like he cants escape them. But I think that is something else this comic is saying as well. That regardless of what our relationships with our families is, sometimes we need to escape and forge our own path in spite of them. For me the largest moment where this stuck out was when Royal was in the meeting in the beginning and voicing his opinion. Cause Royal seemed to understand he was in the shadow of his father, yet at the same time was desperate to break free

RebelVampire

9) I'm gonna second @ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP) and say the lighting for this question. there is just so much damn atmosphere is every scene. especially when its dark. i find a lot of comic's get really scared of making scenes too dark and worry if its not bright enough people wont see. but i feel this comic just boldly says nope and does it anyway, creating some really beautiful night scenes with dynamic light sources. <3 10) I think theres gonna be a lot more conflict with Royal in regards to Royal just being so energetic. I think Rafael and Kas will find him exhausting after a point. not to mention I get the impression Rafael and Kas are getting closer, and I think there's a point where Royal will feel like a third wheel. The largest conflict I see them having though is what to do with their project if they succeed and what to do with themselves after. Cause while at the moment they have a joint goal to focus on, once that goal is gone i think the feelings of lostness will return. As for relationship improvements, I really like Kas was able to tell Royal that Royal's friends were asshole and Royal apologized. I was sure Royal was gonna kind of try to write it off. But nope, the two came to a mutual understanding, and Royal got to grow as a person.

varethane

I love that the lighting approach is derived from film compositing and photography techniques, it gives it a richness of value and saturation that's very intense but still feels realistic

RebelVampire

thats a super eloquent way to put, @varethane

varethane

I, uhhhh, am very nervous about what's going to happen when Royal finds out that Raf stole his dog.

RebelVampire

oh good its not just me then

although im worried whats gonna happen to Royal when Raf finds out Royal's dad was responsible for why the dog was in such bad shape

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Ultimately, do you think Royal, Rafael, and Kas will manage to bring Royal’s project to fruition? Whether success or failure, what do you think it will mean for the three of them, for the future of the company, and for the world?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think any of Rafael or Royal’s past actions seen throughout the comic before they officially meet will have future consequences? If so, how will they affect their working relationship, and how might the two find a way to work past them?

RebelVampire

11) Once again, definitely the lighting and also probably the composition. These aspects together give the comic this really unique, movie-like tone. And again, there's just so much atmosphere with these illustration techniques that it really works for what's going on with the story. 12) I think it's gonna be a partial success. I don't think they'll manage a true teleporter, but I think they'll manage something close enough that they can use it to revolutionize something? Cause what I forsee happening is that they'll run into a kink and Royal's dad will find out and say "no my dudes make this profitable." i think regardless of success or failure, the experience will still teach them all about themselves, and I think that's more important than any affect they might on a more global scale. 13) Seeing Royal and Rafael hang out more. We've seen Kas with both of them a lot, and I'd like to see those two together more. Cause I feel there's a lot of misconceptions both can work through and apologies to be had. And I think it'll be real interesting. Also, the issue of Royal's stolen doggo. 14) Yes. There is no way that doggo is not gonna be a thing. That's gonna be a hell of a confrontation. Not just cause it's understandable Royal would be mad, but I think Royal is gonna have to face some hard truths about how his dad might be an asshole. I think inevitably the two will work things out, but each is gonna have to accept that some of the people they know are assholes.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about SUPERPOSE this week! Please also give a special thank you to Joe (or Seosamh) and Anka for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked SUPERPOSE, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://superposecomic.com/

Joe and Anka’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/superpose

Joe and Anka’s Store: http://superpose.storenvy.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #superpose #joe #seosamh #anka

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warmau · 6 years

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Ooh can you do an au base of nct dreams' go mv?? Like them as rebellious teens or something like that?? It's fine if you're not comfortable with it, Still Thank You tho!!!

futuristic rebellious teens is something i can do!! (also all the people asking for bad boy!dreamies,,,,this is the closest i can give you LOL)

Mark

leader of the “lost boys”, which is what the group of teenagers call themselves

basically, they’re runaways that are anti-government and since they dont have anyone like parents or authorities to answer to - the job of protecting everyone fell onto the oldest

and,,,,as much as mark doesnt look the toughest or the scariest out of all of them in a long run - he is the most stable

with a natural knack for getting everyone out of sticky situations

and he’s no hacker like jaemin or salesman like haechan - he is the person everyone turns to for big decisions

like when they almost lost renjun in a street fight with some other teens,,,or when he was alerted that jisung was caught stealing and needed to somehow get bailed out

mark, unlike any of the other members of lost boys, started off with a pretty normal teenhood

but after the world started focusing less on humans and more on tech and money

he couldnt take it and promised he’d do something to help the world realize that being plugged in all the time was no way to live

he’s got “lost boys” tattooed on the inside of his wrist and even if he doesnt say it outloud - he’d gladly give himself up to save any of his other members

you’re kind of a rouge runaway - you don’t belong to a street group or anything like the “lost boys”

but you too aren’t exactly fond of authority - made obvious by the way you stand out

in a flood of other teens all dressed in their prim school uniforms or boring, copy and paste outfits for going out

you’ve got rips on your worn out jacket and your nose is stuck in a book rather than your phone

mark notices you right away - there’s empty seats on either side of you on the train

and everyone else keeps glancing suspicious looks your way that you don’t even bat an eyelash too

“what a delinquent” “probably dropped out of school” “id never want to end up like that!”

are comments being thrown around - but you dont flinch

mark, on the otherhand, cant stand to hear it anymore

he makes his way through the crowded train and sits down beside you

without even looking up you mumble “don’t pity me. i know what they’re saying.”

mark is shocked at how easily you’ve seen right through his intentions,,,,but he doesnt get up

instead he tilts his head down to read the title of the book in your hand and smiles

“i remember that book when i was back in canada”

this sparks your interest, you move your gaze toward his and mark notices the pretty color of your eyes

“canada? how is it there?”

mark shrugs “i havent been back in a while.”

you shut your book, resting it on your lap

mark wonders if the bag with you is full of more books - you look like the type to carry pen and paper in a world where everything is digitalized

but that’s not bad,,,,mark likes that

“do you like reading? and not on your phone, i mean books.”

mark flushes a little in response, “i do but - ever since all the bookstores closed i havent really, you know,,,,been able to find any”

as he guessed, you fish another book out of the bag with you and plop it in his hands

somewhere in the train people have started whispering “oh now there’s two of them? two troublemakers up to no good!”

but you and mark both ignore them

“i dont know if you like historical fiction, but its all i have to give you now.”

mark touches the book, it’s been a long time since he’s held one. the last time he was in school, the textbooks had been chucked out for ipads

“ill be sure to return it to you.”

you see the tattoo on mark’s hand and think ‘lost boys? ive seen that name around before’

the next stop is mark’s,,,,,but when he asks you where you’re going

you shrug and motion vaguely “i dont really go anywhere. i just,,,,,,,float around kinda,,,,,,”

the train begins to slow as it pulls into the station and just as the doors open, mark takes a hold of your wrist

he tugs you up and you stumble as he pulls you out of the train

“well then, why don’t you come with me.”

you stand and the wind from the train leaving blows you and marks hair everywhere

you both laugh

the only two people in the whole station that are looking at one and other and not at their phones

and you nod

“ok, ill follow you for now.”

you say and mark lets his hand shyly slip from your wrist and into your palm, squeezing as he holds it warmly

Haechan

he’s nicknamed “the salesman” by the rest of the lost boys

due to his ability to appeal to anyone and everything

in a world where everyone has access to the highest forms of technology

to flying cars, personal androids, hologram phones

haechans charm is a skill both forgotten by most, but also when he turns it on he could sell someone a flip phone from the 00′s and make it look like its better than the current iphone52

for their group, haechan uses his skills mostly to buy from the black market

the group doesnt have a real means of making money - but jaemin’s hacking ability, renjun’s capability with his hands, and chenle’s agility and fighting skills - can be sold for the right jobs

and in many situations haechan has to figure out how to trade those talents for daily necceassities

although there are a couple of cafes with workers who are just,,,,,quite smitten with haechan’s adorable face,,,,that every now and then he can score some free good on the sides

but what really matters is when the group needs something like medicine

or tech that has otherwise been banned by the government

haechan is the one to get it

your father was an avid collector of old gaming systems, and after he went missing you inherited the boxes and boxes of all this old wiring and consoloes

and that’s how you got into selling it on the black market - after learning that a lot of it had been banned

so ,,, as a seller ,, you knew haechan

he didn’t have a bad reputation or anything - but he was different

for one thing, he had the words ‘lost boy’ tattooed below his ear and out of the usual customers on this market

he was pretty young,,,,,,,,and pretty different

you’d heard he was even friends with a renowned hacker and a teenager who was skilled in martial arts

both things that you just,,,,didn’t expect from the normal person

and although you’d never done business with him - you were surprised one afternoon to see him show up at your front door

your apartment,,,,,was covered in boxes from your fathers storage

haechan looked around, picking up this and that till he finally stumbled across some part of a system and went

“this is what jaemin wants, are you selling it?”

you nod, “everything has a price.”

haechan grins, “i like the way you talk. so - how much?”

you name the amount and haechan’s grin falters

“and you’re not interested in,,,,,,anything but money? i know a guy who could hack into just about anything?”

you shake your head, “i dont need a hacker, i need to feed myself.”

haechan shrugs, “fair enough.”

he takes out a holographic card, the blue flashing screen lights up and the currency transfers from his name to yours

you thank him and haechan looks around a little more till he heads for the door

“by the way, do you live by yourself?”

you look down, your fathers disappearance has left you abandoned but you don’t really like to talk about it

the look on your face gives haechan enough of an answer

“you should come work with me, you have so much material and im assuming you’re good with tech too?”

you fidget, you’ve never really been one to be social

so being invited to ,,,, work with someone,,,,,especially haechan - you don’t know what to say

but suddenly you feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you look up to see haechan smiling

“c’mon, im not trying to bribe you or anything - but i think you’d be better off with us then all alone!”

you freeze a little,,,,,but haechan’s touch is warm

and his eyes are pouring into yours in a way that,,,you’ve never experienced before

“a,,are you only asking me to join because you want all of my dads stuff?”

haechan sighs, “you know - if it was anyone else in the world, id probably say yes. but it’s you and,,,,,,,,i like you,,,,,so no. im asking you to joing because you’re you.”

“yo-you like me?!?”

haechan grins, “i do, and as much as i like to think my charm works on people - you’ve successfully ignored me for a while until now.”

you furrow your eyebrows

“ignored?”

haechan starts counting on his fingers “there was that time i saw you with that other tech seller and i said hi and you just looked past me, ive also complimented your skills in tech before but you didn’t even look up at me and then-”

you put your hand over haechans to make him stop and to your surprise he interlocks your fingers

“so, will you join?”

you look around,,,,your home is nothing but a storage unit full of wires and memories of a painful past

and haechan is standing in the middle of it all like a beckon of light

so instead of pulling your hand away you nod, and let haechan pull you out into the bright world

Jeno

the tagger of the group

has always had an affinity for art, he’s actually the one who designed the lost boy tattooes

his is in a loop around his ankle bone

and even though the future has shifted its focus from man-made art to digitally created sculptre’s and paintings

jeno enjoys working with his hands

and some of his work is graffiti

mostly because the lost boys are rebels - and they cant just always be silently lurking in the shadows

so every now and then jeno has a “tagging project”

where he makes the lost boys known through graffiti and sometimes it’s more than just the name of the group

it’s art,,,,,,it’s whatever jeno believes encompasses the values of the ‘lost boys’

you’ve always admired taggers,,,,,

you come from the upperclass - the people who embraced technological advancement and threw away all the hand painted, man made art that was passed down through generations

as a kid you remembered hearing the names of famous artists,,,,but as you got older

all you saw was digital art

no one talked about the movements, about modernism - impresionists

no one wanted to study the old art of egypt, of greece, of china

when one of your parents found you sketching to yourself on the terrace, they’d ripped the paper violently out of your hands

and replaced it with a tablet

“just tell it what you want to draw and it’ll do it for you”

you hated it, and whenever you saw tagged art out on the street - knowing it was drawn by someone

by someone real, not some system built into a computer - it made you so happy

so to your amazement, you couldnt believe that you were seeing a tagger

when you stumbled upon jeno, hunched near a back alley wall - finishing up his new art for the lost boys

“i know you!”

you couldnt help to blurt out, jeno turning to you - ready to dash for it

but instead of the police he saw you, wide eyed and staring right at his art

with a look that jeno,,,,had never really seen before

is that,,,,admiration?

you broke his thought as you stepped closer, touching the wall and jumping a bit

the paint was still wet and the tips of your fingers had turned red where you’d touched it

“im so sorry, i didn’t me-”

jeno smiles - he’s probably the least intimidating of the lost boys and he’s been told that his smile has some kind of power over people

instantly your nervousness calms and jeno hands you his brush

“you can just paint it over for me”

he suggests and when you touch the brush, a rush of electricity runs up your hand

it’s been so long since you’ve held a brush - let alone painted something by yourself

and jeno is watching you, careful and steady and realizes that like him

you’re a born artist

he lets you stay around to help him finish, even when the dark of night starts breaking into the morning

jeno steps back to admire your work and you notice that he isn’t wearing the usual clothes that you see around

from his ears dangle pretty jewelry that look as if they’re made from metal lying and simple things like paperclips or nails

he’s grinning and you see the way his jacket falls off his shoulders

for a moment you think isn’t it possible that people can be art too?

when jeno turns to you he goes “you can’t tell anyone about this though, tagging is supposed to be anonymous,,,,”

jeno explains and you nod, slowly but then point out “but i always know your art from everyone elses. it’s distinct and unique,,,”

the flattery makes jeno’s heart skip

but before he can say much the familiar sound of sirens pull up down the street and jeno has to grab you and run so you two can get away without being seen

and when you both stop- pressed up together in another tight little alley you feel jeno’s heartbeat against your arm

it’s fast - probably from the running - but also probably from how close you two are ,,,,,,,,

“hey, if you want to do more art with my sometime,,,,ill be around. they’ll probably erase our tag by tomorrow so -”

you pull away from him when the coast is clear, but nod excitedly

you pull out your holographic card, a small hologram that looks like you pops up and you tell it to transfer your data to jeno’s

he shyly waves you off and when you’re gone he pulls out his own holographic card

your hologram pops up again and jeno thinks the same thing you were a while ago

people,,,really can be art too,,,,

Jaemin

a hacker

was supposed to actually work for the government as an intern engineer but ,,,, he decided to drop out of his prestigious high school and start well

hacking the government instead of protecting it

he got into the lost boys when he met mark at a cafe - he thought mark was interesting

so naturally, he hacked into his holographic card only to understand that mark,,,,

really was hiding everything about himself quite well

so - after meeting with him (and apologizing for hacking him) jaemin joined

got his lost boy tattoo on the side of his finger

he mainly hacks into large scale programs of the government that deal with citizen information

basically the government monitors people through the holograph card everyone carries around - and through their smartphones if they still have one

the lost boys believe that the government shouldnt have access to private info of people - because they exploit it

so jaemin’s whole task is to figure out how to shut down the whole system

of course,,,,that’s not going to happen in one sitting - he has to hack thousands of smaller networks

and gain information on governmental workers

and all without being traced so,,,,as usual he’s inside most of the time on the computer

he gets parts that haechan “buys” from people or that mark somehow manages to come by or that renjun builds

when the group needs extra funds he also sells his hacking ability under an alias on the black market

you are a well known hacker in the market as well - you and jaemi are probably the most sought out in the field

the only problem is ,,, you’ll do ANY job - even if it means working undercover for the government

and jaemin disproves of that - so whenever you guys have contact he’s always like “you could do much better with your talents” and you’re like “im trying to put food on the table i dont care what my talents are used for”

and jaemin just,,,,cant get over your whole ‘i survive only for myself’ mentality

it bothers him - he feels like there’s more to you,,,,that he just doesnt know

so one day - he decides he’s going to hack you

and he knows he should feel guilty because hacking you is,,,,basically just doing what the government is already doing to others

but he’s just scared - what if something,,,,something bad is happening to you to make you this way

but of course - as soon as he attempts it

a billion firewalls pop up and his holographic card suddenly starts malfunctioning

and suddenly there’s a message on his screen

and he doesnt even have to open it to know that your hologram is going to pop up and be like “jaemin. why are you hacking me?”

he freezes, “how do you know my name?”

you huff, “it wasn’t easy to guess. plus haechan has a big mouth. so,,,,why the sudden interest in my life?”

jaemin looks down, his dark eyes hovering over his keyboard until your hologram eggs him on to speak

“i just,,,i just wanted to know if everything is ok- recently ive heard you’ve been working with officials and i,,,,are you really ok with it for the money??”

it’s quiet on your end and jaemin waits until your hologram goes fuzzy - and then offline

and jaemin grabs at his holographic card, shaking it to see whats going on when another message appears

it’s an address

when jaemin arrives, you’re already there with a backpack over your shoulder

jaemin stares at it and then at you

“what’s in there?”

“information.”

jaemin stares at it - then back at you

your face is half hidden by a facemask, you don’t make direct eye contact but jaemin can see

that you’ve got pretty features - that for some reason you’re trying to hide from him

he touches his own face, completely exposed to you and takes the backpack when you extend it

“don’t tell me you’re giving me the files the officials sent over to you-”

you shrug and jaemin can tell you’re smiling under the mask

“so you are a good person afterall,,,” he starts

and you look away,,,,suddenly your face is hot under the damn mask

when you and jaemin part ways

jaemin is sure of whats in the bag - and when he gets back home all the lost boys crowd around him

and walla - all the files from the officials are in there

before he sits down to get to reading through some, jaemin finds a note stuck to one of the files

‘don’t try to hack me again. next time, just ask me out like a normal person’

jaemin blushes,,,,but picks up his holograph card - maybe you’ll be free on a weekend or something

Renjun

his nicknames the “builder”

he just,,,,really likes making things - and he can fix things as well

built a bike for haechan out of scrap garbage

fixes jaemin’s motherboards on the daily

chenle had asked for a staff to practice some martial arts with and it took renjun like two hours only to make it perfectly

he seems to just have the ability to touch something and understand how it works

but,,,like any lost boy,,, he doesnt exactly want to be building things and selling them for profit just to be used to hurt others

his lost boy tattoo is on the back of his neck

he really only talks to the lost boys - he doesnt really like making conversation with others

because he has a fear of,,,saying something and getting everyone else in trouble

but with his group he can definitely be a little ,,, sassy

“stop breaking things and making me fix them, and if you dont - learn to fix them yourself.”

“but renjun i cant fix-”

“but renjun is now gonna take a nap, goodnight!”

haechan is known for being the sociable one,,,,so he’s always the one going out getting everyone odd jobs or food

but one afternoon he asks renjun to go pick up some food from this cafe where one of the workers knows haechan

at first renjun refuses, he wants to stay home and tinker with these new electronics mark just brought to him

but it’s haechan - and even renjun cant lose an argument with him

so renjun ends up outside of this cafe after closing

where he meets you - he comes out of the back carrying a couple of brown bags full of extra food

and when renjun sees you - it’s like time stops

it’s been a while since renjun has looked at anyone and you - you look like,,,,,,,,,an angel

you bring the bags out and sigh sadly, “not a lot this time,,,,the owner is sort of one to me”

you say and hand them to renjun who almost drops them out of pure shock

“are you ok?”

you ask, helping him steady himself as you tuck your hair back and stare

renjun nods slowly

“by the way - who are you, haechan said that ‘the builder’ was going to come. is that you?”

again, all renjun can do is nod

you nod too “what do you build?”

“a-anything.”

your eyes go wide and renjun is taken by the color of them

“anything?! woah - that’s amazing!”

renjun can feel the weight of the bags - but once you say that it’s like they disappear and all he can feel and hear is your voice

“id love to see your creations sometime -”

you start, but a voice from inside calls you back in

you wave and renjun doesnt even have the strength to say anything back as he watch - like slow motion - you disappear inside

a couple of days pass and renjun feels like he cant build ANYTHING

until,,,finally he starts a little something

and finds himself waiting outside the cafe one night as you come out with your bag over your shoulder

your holographic card in your hand, showing you the weather and what not

till you look up and rush over to renjun

“oh - the builder! what’s up?”

renjun pulls something out of his pocket and sets it in your hand

you open it and ,,, out of metal wiring and whatnot is a butterfly

whose wings buzz slightly when you touch it and you look back up at renjun

“did you make this?”

“for you.”

renjun finally speaks and you flush, looking at it and grinning

“you really can build anything, this is so cute!”

renjun blinks and doesnt really know what to say until natrually he just goes

“you’re cuter”

you both get slightly embarrassed, but you tuck the butterfly safely into your bag and reach out for renjun’s hand

he lets you take it and doesnt even question where you’re going to take him

even this silhouette our back is beautiful

he could look at it forever

Chenle

he doesn’t have a real nickname,,,,but he’s kind of the brawn of the group

and believe me,,,,everyone looked at him on his first day and was like “you can fight? but you,,,,,you’re so skinny”

and chenle was like, try to land a punch on me then

no one could

and rather then strength, chenle has honed the ability of agility and stealth

and when needed - he’s a great person to be a bodyguard or protector

because no one suspects him coming

other than his fighting ability though,,,,he can be scatter headed and has numerous times found himself lost in the city

having to call haechan or mark to get him

he has also done dumb things like tripped over alley cats or gotten himself accidentally bruised when he walked into a pole because he was too focused on this good looking cake in a store window

but that aside - chenle really is capable of some amazing things

his lost boy tattoo is on the part right below his ribcage

chenle also sometimes has a habit of sticking his nose into unsolicited business

so when you find yourself cornered - a group of other street teens are trying to get you to give over your holographic card so they can sell it

well

chenle can’t just walk by

and ,,, although he does have the element of surprise there’s like five of these teens

and you know chenle is in trouble when he’s on the ground with a little bit of blood coming out of his nose

so you just toss your holographic card toward one of them and tell them to back off of him

happy with getting what they want, they leave you and chenle alone

you scramble over, checking his face here and there and panicking because

you cant take him to a hospital - you’re both street teens

and you dont have anything on you to stop the bleeding

so all you can do is kind of hold your hand over chenle’s nose and tell him to tilt his head so it stops

and when he’s all good - just bruising and not bleeding

he looks at you and sheepishly goes

“,,,,,sorry you had to give up your holograph card”

you shrug “nothing important on it anyway.”

chenle looks at you, his clear skin riddled in red bruises and tiny cuts

and he feels bad just,,,,leaving you

after he tried to help but just ended up making things worse

so he invites you to come with him

you, of course, say no. you’re not going to join some stranger

even if this stranger is cute

and did try to help you

but chenle just rolls up his shirt (much to your shock - your hands go right up to your face to hide your eyes)

to show off the lost boys tattoo

and you’re like wait,,,i know that tattoo - you guys are that group against the government

and chenle is like yep! if you want, you can join us - i mean anyone who throws their holograph card away like that must not really like what the government is doing huh

and you shrug, you don’t care either way but ,,,the idea of belonging to a group instead of being all alone

is kind of nice

plus chenle ,,,, doesnt seem all that bad

and when you guys show up together jaemin is like whose this and haechan is quick to question you

but chenle explains what happens and mark, ever the nice boy, lets you stay

out of curiosity, jisung comes over to talk to you and chenle shoos him away

“they’re with me”

jisung raises an eyebrow “aren’t they part of our group - so they’re with everyone?”

you blink confused, missing the spark in chenle’s eyes and the whisepred

“that’s not how i meant it jisung, now go away!”

jisung gets the message and scurries off, but you’re still ? until chenle is like OW geez this bloody nose hurts if only i could lay my head on someones lap,,,

you: you can lay your head on m-

chenle: thank you.

the camera zooming in on haechan: corny

Jisung

the youngest and the ‘wild card’ of the group

mark had forbid him from getting the lost boys tattoo because he’s a kid but jisung still managed to get it

mark was mad but jeno pointed out that hey, unless it didn’t get infected or anything like that

his tattoo is right above his elbow

he’s a wild card because no one in the group really knows if jisung understands what the lost boy cause is

or if he just likes getting into it with other street groups and causing a ruckus

out of everyone he likes piercings the best - knows a guy named ten in town who does them on the low

since society has kind of forbid people from having anything but their ears pierced

jisung looks wild with his hair a mess and his nose pierced

(again - the piercing did almost give mark a heartattack but jeno was again like at least it’s not his tongue right?)

(jisung definitely plans to get his tongue pierced though)

you’ve seen jisung around - he likes to cause trouble

alone or with his group

you see him a lot when you’re on your way to class, he likes to hang out with the tagger jeno

or sometimes you just see him trying to badmouth off to adults who tell him he looks ‘scary’

you try to ignore it - you don’t want to meddle with anything or anyone that could get you in trouble

but,,,,,jisung thinks you’re interesting

sometimes he’ll just end up walking beside you, leaning over to play with a strand of your hair

offers to carry your books which you just snatch away

he once asked you if you’d ever want to go see him get another piercing and you made a face

that you thought meant disgust - but which jisung called “just adorable”

and no matter how much you say he’s not your type

he’s the opposite of it

there is something magnetic about him

he’s nothing like other boys around

and the one time some other dude had tried to come onto you in the street - jisung had showed up and made no big deal out of getting into the dudes face and telling him to

“get his dirty hands right off them”

you tried to act unimpressed,,,,but you were thankful and even let jisung keep his arm around you

the problem was,,,,you think after that,,,,you’ve actually fallen for jisung

so when he doesnt show up on your walk to class one day you start panicking

and you go around - asking if anyone’s seen him

everyone asks why in the world you’re worried about a kid like him and you try to make excuses

until you leave a shop and bump right into jisung

who gives you a smile and flicks your forehead lightly and goes

“heard you were all worried about me, does that mean someone is in love?”

you huff and brush past him

“i just wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed -”

jisung pulls you around a corner and you look around with paranoia that someone might see

but jisung just makes you look back at him and before you know it he’s kissing you

and you squirm and he pulls back and goes “don’t like it?”

and you just cant hide the look on your face so you go

“it’s fine - but do it somewhere private i dont want the whole world to see!”

“what, that you’re kissing a lost boy? a dirty street kid?”

you push at him gently, but jisung abides by your wish and pulls you somewhere quieter where he kisses you again - softly

and you think fine whatever so you do like him and he is a good kisser

and as long as no one finds out,,,it should be alright,,,,,,maybe?!?

jisung that day coming back home with a big goofy smile on his face, jaemin just turns around and is like

“i hacked your holograph - says you kissed your crush today.”

jisung: “sTOP haCKING MY LIFE,,,,but yeah i kissed them and jaemin. i think im in love”

haechan: oh no an idiot in love the world better watch out jkjk

872 notes · View notes

bangtanficrecs · 6 years

Text

Lost & Found Batch #18

The newest batch was long overdue ^^;; As always, if you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1) Hi! I think my ask got lost TT I was wondering if you guys know of a vmin fic on ao3 where they’re roommates and jimin likes tae and decided to seduce him by asking him to take nude pics of him, and tae ended up not reacting and then they admitted that they both liked each other? Or something along those lines. PLEASE HELP IT WAS SO AWESOME AND I LOVED IT :( thank you!!!

you're only brave in the moonlight by ameliabedelias

2) Hi!! so a while back i was reading a yoonseok fic on ao3, it was smut, and i wanted to read it again but i cant find it, i was wondering if you could help??? it was yoonseok and yoongi was a "beta" but soon found out he was an omega he called himself a "late bloomer"?? and hoseok walks in, they have sex, and i specifically remember yoongi feeling hoseoks dick in his stomach and "rubbing" it. i know its wierd but can you please help me find it???

A Test in What, Exactly, Is "Too Much" by Yooniefucks

3) Hello, I'm trying to find a fic that has taekook in it. I don't actually remember what the fic is about, but I remember that jungkook is a guard/knight and somewhere along the story, the Prince (?) finds out that jungkook is a werewolf since he was bitten as a child and he imprinted on taehyung, who's human if I'm not mistaken. The king took him in, and he used to be chained to a cage/cave (?) during full moon. It will be great if you can help me :) thank you! 💜

4) Hi, I'm trying to find this yoonjin fic were yoongi is walking home from an underground gig and it's late at night. He smells fresh baked goods and it leads him to a building he passes by all the time but never noticed before. He goes inside and jin fixes him a drink and gives him a muffin/cupcake. At the end jin reveals that he's magic and he cast a spell to find love. Thank you for your help!!

5) I'm looking for a yoongi/jimin fic where jimin is abused by his boyfriend (I think the author used a random idol) and yoongi catches on and tries to help but jimin is really damaged. The rest of the group lowkey knows jimin abused but don't know how to help. Sorry I can't remember lots of details but it was really angsty and good

6) hello, im looking for some kind of royalty fan fic where jimin was visiting yoongi’s palace/home? I can’t remember why but they weren’t close in the beginning. All I can remember was a scene where a bunch of boys were in a room smoking and playing poker (half naked?) and a young servant/slave who was able to play any piano piece after just listening to it once and in the end he left with a Russian man who made music.... thank youu

7) Ugh I seriously need help! I’ve been looking for this fic I lost for 3 days now, I really want to read it again! I’m going to be upset if it was deleted :( anyway, it was a fic where the boys were on their way to something and they got in a car crash but it was only Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Tae and Kook. Then Jin and Hoseok were kidnapped by a guy named Sung I think, and the fic focused on Yoongi and Tae and Kook traveling through the woods they crashed in looking for Jin and Hobi and then (pt.1) Jimin and Joon were at a hotel with their manager and they were convinced something was wrong and they wanted to go look for them. In the end they got rescued and they killed the Sung guy and Yoongi was shot and I just really want to find it again cause there was an unfinished sequel. I’m so upset. I hope this was enough to help you help me lookfor it!

8) YOOO what's poppin sis'. Can yall help me. I've been looking for this fic where the rap line is an underground rap line and like they perform cypher pt 3? Idfr the name but the main pairings were namjin and yoonmin. Thanks 🤪🤪🧡

9) Hi there! I was hoping you guys could help me find this fic - it's on AO3. It was multi-chaptered, completed, and was a collection of namjoon centric oneshots/drabbles. one of the chapters was inspired by the "princess princess" anime and featured joon wearing panties, bent over jin's lap, before yoongi came to rescue him from a bunch of onlookers. please help!!

10) Hi! I’m looking for a Yoongi/Jungkook fic. I’ve been searching nonstop for a few weeks and I think the author may have deleted it. The plot line is basically this: Jungkook is a medical student who falls in love with Yoongi and eventually loses his drive in the field. I know it has sexual content so it’s either M rated or E. One of the tags was ‘slow burn’ and ‘Jungkook cries a lot’. Thanks in advance!

11) Hello! In the lost chuchu batch 16, #13 is "I Can't Even" by handintheshot in Ao3. But I can't find a link of it. Also, I'd like to ask whether you know about the fic where jimin suddenly has a vagenay and then proceeds to have a hot threesome with jk and tae? If possible, can you please recommend me more like those? Thank you so much 💜

12) Hello! Do u guys know of a vmin pwp oneshot where taehyung has ADHD? They sit in a chair for most of it, and the premise has a slight focus on how Jimin makes it easier for Tae to sit still. It was really sweet, and I can't find it :c

13) I am looking for a 6+1 fic where Namjoon is homeless and in each iteration a different member takes him into their home and life. A recurring element is a cake decorating book that Namjoon borrows from the library - a page falls out detailing how to make a flower with icing, and he keeps it in his pocket. I have used my search-fu but I cannot find it. It was on AO3. I hope you can help, even if it's just with a possible name I can run via the Wayback machine! Thanks!

14) Hello! I would like to ask your help into searching for a story that I can't, for the life of me, find. It's a Yoonmin story but what I remember the most is that Jungkook works as a janitor in an office and he quits because his boss is horrible. However, Taehyung, whom his boss is interested in working with, will only sign the proposal if they rehire Jungkook, so the boss sends Jimin to do it, since Jimin is friends with the both of them. In the end, they all end up working at the same place. TY

15) Hello. I'm looking for a fic where the group had six members but Suga time travels/dimension travels and becomes part of the group as a secret member. I remember that Jin is doing a vlive and is squirted with a water gun but everyone thinks it's Jimin. And when it's reveled to be Suga he's in his dorm room and pulls a big super soaker from under his blankets. I hope that's enough. It's super specific but I can't seem to find it. I hope you can help me :)

16) hey i was looking for this soul reaper or angel?? au where jungkook dies and is taken to the shinigami/reaper realm by the reaper (i think it was yoongi) and i cant find it anywhere :(( i think he dies bc of his new friends and the fic opens with a scene where the reaper sends one of his murderers souls to hell? The reader finds out later i guess. Id really appreciate it if u could find that :(( thank you!

An anon believes it’s Naught Readings For Naughty Readers by supermans_crib, however that has been on AO3

17) Hi! I had recently lost one of the greatest ffs ever, it was a jikook au where they were in the military (?) and jimin had went into a stage sort of like heat and jungkook had to fuck him, he got hekka scared afterwords but they ended up liking eachother

as if it's your last by fatal (cumrich)

18) Hi! I'm trying to find a NamJin fic. I searched the fics here and my bookmarks on AO3 (since I swear I bookmarked it) but I can't seem to find it. It starts out where Yoongi is accusing Namjoon of not moving on. We find out that Namjoon and Seokjin are friends and Namjoon confessed to Seokjin and was rejected. Things get complicated when Seokjin keeps coming around and even interfering with someone Namjoon starts dating. Memorable scene, Seokjin chasing Namjoon in the dark screeching his name.

everything moves on by fruitily

19) Hello. I am looking for a namgi fic where yoongi works in an old bookshop and likes wearing feminine clothing , and namjoon works at a cafe but visits the bookshop often. Namjoon likes art and philosophy but is scared of his parent's reactions so yoongi tells him to fuck society and to "wake up from your sad life and figure out who you are", they eventually kiss as well. I read it on AO3. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

20) Hi! I was wondering if y’all could help out with a fic I remember reading? jimin pining for yoongi and for some weird reason I remember a specific scene where jimin (whose brought food for yoongi) waits for yoongi outside of (a studio?) falls asleep waiting and wakes up when yoongi and someone else walk out. Jimin had wanted to eat with him I think but yoongi either says that he’s already ate or is headed to eat with the person. It’s unrequited feelings for a bit of the story.

21) There was a fix where yoongi was a prince and he went out and on the way met all the members who were disney princesses, it was a parody kind of, min yoonji was sleeping beauty and she went back to sleep again and from her castle members got a cat and kittens, can you please find it

22) Hello! I read this fiction a loonnggggg time ago where vminkook were in high school detention I think and kook could read minds and read tae's mind once and hes thinking about potatoes so he calls him potato boy but then the next time tae's thinking about fucking jimin and like yeah LOL I think they all end up in a threesome at the end but yeah I dont remember the title or author ))):

23) what’s that fanfic when it’s an au one of them is overweight and they join their school gym or something? and fall in love with the person who trains them. and there’s this beach scene and a car wash scene near the end. been looking for it for a while, hope you can help!

24) hi! i’m looking for a fic i read a while back, i think it was vmin and one of them had been hurt so the other got them off and they ended up in a relationship i think? pretty sure it was cannon compliant too! thanks!

25) so tae is a student and jk is a professor. jk is engaged to this woman (mina?). basically they are both straight but end up falling for each other so before jk gets married he plans to break up with the girl but she blackmails him with pics of him and his student and turns crazy. i don’t rlly remember what happens after that but later they eventually end up together. i think it’s ab 10 chapters. i’m pretty sure i read it on ao3!

26) Hello! I was reading this taekook fic on ao3 but I forgot what it was called ☹️ basically jungkook travels back in time and kidnaps his last self to tell him how in the future Tae kills himself, so jungkook tries to get his past self to be nicer to Tae and stop him. Past jungkook thinks that Tae cheated on him but he was actually forced to have sex with his “boss” but jungkook doesn’t give him a chance to explain and starts cheating on Tae and is being really nasty to him. Ah help plz if you can

27) I’m searching for a fic and i really can’t find it ... i remember it’s jikook (but not really) and it’s about jungkook (who thinks he’s straight) who downloads a porn (by mistake i think) of minjoon and like he ends up liking it, it’s so vague i’m sorry kfhskcj

care to stay for the ride? by voseok

Want to ask us something? We’d love to help, but please be sure to read the FAQ and check our Tags List before or your question may go unanswered.

#longest one yet #long post #will be tagging that if anyone wants to blacklist!#lost and found #lost and found batch

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glitter-dean-rights · 2 years

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So, what do ya reckon Orville's SPNsona is(/spn kin)..?

part2: "like who from spn he kins? maybe he's self-inserting into the fic.., does that make sense? Im so serious about this, btw, love ur desktop theme <3"

OKAY FIRST OF ALL this is so far up my alley i cant even begin to process it!!! also hiiiiii thank you this is very sweet i keep fucking up the colors and it needs some emotional support but tyyyyyy <33

i hope ur ready for me to take this SO seriously !!!

i think the question is fair but orville peck like kinda isnt a person? hes the concept of a person like he doesnt exist like he ~does~ and you can figure out stuff from his songs but like also what is he doing what does he want ya know hes kinda like a straw man of audience projections which is ALSO what dean is basically

like they both sorta exist as vessels (lol) for people to like understand or interpret their art where like orville is very much like all about mystery man focus on the emotions and the music and dean is much more like the lens of the story of supernatural like everything (esp in later seasons) is like filtered through how HE feels (a lot of people have said this a lot better than i but they are correct and i am agreeing) so i think there's an obvious parallel there. Also dean would be so horny for cowboy orville sorry not related but its simply true

ok so like i guess the question becomes kinda like two parts for me like 1: what songs lyrics make me go bananasinsanecrazy when applied to supernatural and 2: which aspects of orvilles fake person outlines would different characters of supernatural apply themselves to WHICH is a very fun question to answer so hi gonna answer them both in a way that makes no sense

i think like the like obvious is like hes hot he gets kicked out of bars hes sad he wants to have a home he misses a home that doesnt exist nobody ever sees his real face he knows his way around a truck stop hes lonely hes gay he believes in the imagery of taillights in the distance and like slow dancing in a dusty bar on the side of the road he just wants someone to stay hes full of emotion but you cant tell he wants to be a cowboy he wants to not be attached hes so full of emotion hes gonna burst (also im sorry but "buddy we've got major blues/another suitcase in your hand" like hello "wouldnt it be nice if i could sleep in my own bed/wouldnt it be nice if i could let the dead stay dead/wouldnt it be swell if i could get things off my chest" HELLO sorry im adding question 1 into my answer also if u think too hard about fancy u might get a brain anneurism so dont do that i know its a cover miss reba really did something with that also winds change dead of night god dont even get me started sorry i keep adding to this but listen to blush sometime and think dean thoughts "fishermans son my dad liked to run/cant picture ur face but i know it was pretty" theres SO MANY) very deancoded it must be said

BUT ALSO if u think too hard about castiel and drive me crazy u will get brain worms confirmed also kalahari down "on your daddys farm/you say your afraid, tell me not to frown" unwell BUT THE KICKER if you ever want to lose all ur braincells listen up buddy lets go heres the thing "back on the run/back to the blue/winning is fun/losing is too" roses are falling guaranteed breakdown "the ache inside/the hate/i found a way/to sit and wait/and now i cant/your voice/your face/without a trace/ill wait for you" LIKE HELLO going insane does anyone want anything

idk im sure sam has like feelings and stuff too but ill be honest i dont care asdkjfhsdk (no not really like i love sam my weird little 'maybe theres something fundamentally wrong with me' boy but i have no lyrics that make me want to gnaw on glass like they do with some other people but like turn to hate maybe if u wanna go a little insane "take me back to the time i was yours you were mine/take me back to the world i know" he said i just want to be normal i miss the love of my life im undone "i hope to die" like hello trials arc im trying not to let the sorrow turn to hate i see it) ((could this also be applied to dean yes but we're gonna let sammy keep some personality traits)) (((also must be noted that maybe orville is not the man for sam)))

#im gonna make one of those lyric comparison posts #but listening to this mans tunes and thinking has rendered me unable to do stuff or think #wow crazy #also hiii im so touched that someone wanted to hear my silly little brain throughts #answered #anon im in love with you #mwah #also theres more to say but im posting this #are there other characters in supernatural #maybe #oh wait curse of the blackened eye could also be samcoded

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kosmicdream · 6 years

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Your Comic Baby

You know that comic or story that you made when you were a teenager (or sometimes even younger) that propelled you to really WANT to create it. FOR REAL. You put all your energy towards it, for years, determined that it was going to be the one you HAD to make. But then something doesnt go right because, comics are hard-- so you start over and over and over and each reboot gets a bit more discouraging because you have SO MUCH planned out for this thing and you’re just stuck in the loop of redoing the first 5 pages every couple of years. But something about that story, you just cant let go of. You still want to make it happen because you’ve invested and dedicated so much into it. I know that feeling. I call those stories.. your Comic Baby.

You might have a lot of babies. I know I do. But there’s always this one certain comic baby that i struggle with more than the others. Its a difficult baby because I first made this baby when I was 13. And over the course of my highschool years, I was very outspoken about how i was going to really make this a real book for everyone to read. I was constantly working on it, even taking sketchbooks and clipboards to draw it or the characters in class. People were waiting to read this story because they could see how passionate about it I was. But comics were a lot harder than I thought they would be in my mind. I mean, i knew they would be difficult but it was like my art wasn’t as good as I knew it could be when i drew comics. I didn’t get it. And I’d learn so much and so fast that once i got one chapter finished and ready to read, i didn’t like it anymore.

This process went on until i graduated highschool. This dream of making a comic. Specifically THIS comic. I had a lot of stories i was planning on doing, but there was this one comic i really REALLY invested just. My maximum comic energy into. It was different from the other comics and stories. Not that the other ones werent good, they just didnt have the same bond with me that I had with this story. This comic baby was gonna be the thing i was going to be known for and be the first comic i would presented into the world. And in the end.. it actually wasn’t.

I mean, it was, in a way. Eggshells is a prequel to that baby comic. Set in the same universe. Part of the same story, more like a mini test version reboot of the One True Baby Comic. I decided to give the comics thing another try and started to work on eggshells in August 2011, then to ink in Febuary 2012 and finally started to post it in 2013.. sometime.

I took a really long break from comics between finishing highschool and starting eggshells. I would try here and there, but not getting this baby comic out when i was still IN highschool somehow made me feel like a failure of an artist. I was very hard on myself. I didn’t really know if i was even capable of BEING a comic artist because my comics weren’t coming out how i wanted and I couldn’t finish anything. Besides that, I didn’t even know if I could even make them as a career. (I still don’t know if I can but I know I’m going to continue to try.)

When I decided to start Eggshells, i decided that it would be another attempt at my favorite baby comic because I knew that if any of my stories had the emotional legs to motivate me to get through to the final page-- it would be that one. That special baby comic. I poured so much work into planning and preparing everything in a very tradition sense. Scripts, thumbnails, drawing layouts and props and character turn arounds.. ect ect.

Then the fire happened and I lost my ‘comic bible’ of sorts. The rough draft sketches of the entire thing. It was very sad.

But even before then, actually inking pages was not very fun. Because the process i made for it was .. not very fun. I was running into the same walls that I always had when rendering comic panels. It just was too slow and I couldn’t get a consistent look that i wanted. I wasn’t sure where to put detail (or balance the detail) so I would over render constantly. I would zoom in too much. I didn’t know how much to shade and word bubbles annoyed me. I wasn’t very satisfied and I would spend way too much time on each page.

I felt pretty exhausted after trying to ink it for one year and not even getting through the first chapter. Doubt and old dread of not being capable of a comic artist weighed on my shoulders. Of course then, when the fire happened, i just decided to put all that aside again. My life kinda was.. thrown in a loop.

Similarly, my life has been thrown in another one of those loops. A different kind but still, the same sort of disoriented “where the fuck should i live” kind of things. Some of these feelings have come back, the anxieties and unsureness but.. mostly just remembering about them rather than feeling the SAME things. I have acquired a sense of accomplishment in my art .. just with a totally different comic that came out of no-where. (the worm one, you know.)

My relationship with my art has changed so much at this point and I’m so.. not.. what i had predicted for myself?? Not in a negative way. its just odd. FFAK is such a different comic than i thought I would make too. I would describe the experience of working on FFAK as like, im in a shitty junkyard car and ive decided to slam on the gas as hard as i can and see how far it’ll go. Then it just didn’t stop. It took me on a fucking journey but at 90 miles per hour. No careful consideration, so much explicit violence and sex, aggressive confrontations and social commentary. Sex hat jokes. I really got to see a side of myself that this story continues to bring out. And as I worked on ffak more and more, I would sometimes look over at the passenger seat at the Comic Baby. Crossing their arms judgmentally at me and giving me a look like “Having fun? What about ME? Wasn’t I the important one to you?? Am I not special anymore???”

So sometimes i’d feel bad. And try to work on that one again.. but it didn’t make me feel good. I felt like i had to ride the FFAK wave because that was what was happening in the present and I was discovering too much about myself to go back to this older thing that i had a frustrating history with. It wasn’t that I didn’t LOVE the other story, it just didn’t feel right to work on then. So i just let myself focus on where my energy was wanting to go: The Worm Fucks. And the worm fuck comic is the one people read first. Its the first comic of my own i really got to.. read and experience more than just the first chapter. Its been amazing but its so weird. I feel like its a different kind of artist that makes it sometimes.

I don’t regret the worm fuck comic being the one I’m known for but its still funny to me how easily it might have never happened. If the fire hadn’t taken away so much of my work, I probably would be still slowly pushing out pages for eggshells. Or maybe I would have given up and moved on to do something else with my art career? I don’t know. All i know is what I ended up doing was this weird worm comic that is still going on for .. thousands of pages! and has no end in sight! I didnt even expect eggshells to last 1,000 pages but now I can tell my page-pacing is different than how i expected. I still haven’t even finished a comic yet. Its weird? Am I able to finish comics? I guess I don’t know yet because I haven’t. i might “know” endings to my stories but its very different when actually getting it done. I understand that life is more complicated than that and things like fires can change the circumstances in 10 minutes.

So I’m feeling a fear about this uncertain future I’m facing, I’m seeing that I have to make a lot of huge life changes for where I am going to live and what I have to do to make money to support myself. I’m scared that my routine ive established with FFAK will have to change. I wonder if I’ll never be able to replicate the same exact “throw it all into the wind” energy of working like I was able to.. at least I know I can’t right now, because I need to be careful and calculated again. My surroundings arent stable enough for me to dive headfirst into my projects.

With that I’ve noticed I’m drawing eggshells a little bit and enjoying it like I haven’t before. Is it what I need right now? It feels weirdly comforting to know that, no matter what the history i have with this comic, I’ll come back to it and continue to pick at it a little. it makes me feel like, no matter where I’m going to be in this world physically-- my comics will come along with me and they dont have to leave. they arent a product of circumstance. I can get right back on the horse. Its just part of my life that doesn’t have to go away or be taken away from me. Its a nice secure feeling that there’s this art thing isnt something I have to start over. I’d rather build on what I’ve got and it might take me a long time but I enjoy the journey. That feels good to me.

Anyway, even if I’m scared about where i’ll go from here I know i’ll have my car of screaming comic babies at all different ages that are demanding my attention. and some are more patient than others, i’ve totally ditched some babies along the way that i might pick back up later or merge with other babies through some horrific experiment. I’ll even make some new ones because life inspires me constantly and I have so many problems to sort out and what better way than to project on some cool anime characters. but i love all my comic babies!!!!!! and they love me. i have unique and interesting histories with all of them.

comic baby is such a creepy word but it really feels like they are your strange brain children that are also you. i don’t ever want children of my own, but i can see that i pour.. small small aspects of that i think that energy might be into my comics. (im not pretending its actually the same thing to be perfectly clear.) They take up all your time + energy and make you constantly lose sleep..and they grow distinct personalities that you dont expect and have to deal with.. people will judge you for them and how you “raise” them (make them), you’re endlessly proud of these babies and protective and shed tears for them and want them to SUCCEED and live on forever. you want other people to love them TOO and see the best parts of them, for all their flaws. You want em all to grow up as you hoped or planned but they wont at all. They’ll be totally different but also better than you could have imagined.

Comics & Art are such a special thing to get to experience. While i hope that i can make my dreams a reality with my art, I know that they’ll always be an integral part of my life + how i experience and see life and i’m so thankful ive decided to really let room for it there. Its amazing to me that i almost thought it wouldn’t. and i wasnt going to be allowed to be happy with my art because it wasn’t good enough and i wasn’t enough. but i am. and it is good.

Thank you for reading. -Kosmic

#ffak faq #ffak #feast for a king #eggshells #comics #webcomics #personal

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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✨how did you get into MK? what position do u usually sleep in? How often do you spend on a piece of art that you take from sketch to colored? What are your favorite snack foods? Do you get your hair cut every 6 weeks and do you stick with the same look?✨

hmm mk is a bit of an anomaly for sure….even tho ive been sifting around webcomics for abt a decade now, i really only ever am keeping up w a handful and rarely actually pick up any new ones. i’m the same way w like, all other forms of media, like shows and music and stuff…its not like even me being all too critically picky, coz i can hardly ever convince myself to check out shit i know i do/will like. but anyways i suppose it was a couple yrs ago and me freezing my ass off in a barely-insulated terrible expensive apartment while dying of depression & it was the middle of the night & i wasnt tired, and sometimes i reread a comic coz i realize ive completely lost track of the plot or characters or something…so i was doing that and there was a guest comic by the artist for mk & i was like, well you know, thats cute and funny and i like how they draw, i’ll just put this in a separate tab and maybe come back to look at their comic for once in my life b/c its not like i hve anything better to do at like 4am. so i finished my reread and figured i’d check out at least a bit of mk & when it drops kip on you right off it took me like 2.5 pgs to he like “well so………he’s gay right? and a nerd?” and so then i was like, obviously i have to follow through on this Gay Lead. b/c i mean, you never really go into anything assuming that anybody will actually get to be Not Straight, no matter how obvious it seems b/c you can’t trust anyone. so even though its right there and makes no sense for him to be straight i was still like going along trying to keep my hopes down even tho there’s no other interpretation….even when the surprise came that he has a beautiful Ex Boyf & i had like a heart attack b/c that far along i was already like “woops i also love him” i was still like trying to come at it from some other angle like…… Maybe This Is Just… Um….. i dont remember but i was like ok but seriously this Has to be an ex right? i mean my god. anyway by that point i was also deeply invested in the fact that kip is v….v much many Char Types i love and xtreme relatable plus he’s flawless and deserves the best despite being doomed for the worst……. so anyways at that point it was like 7am & i was thrilled and yelling a bit about that sweet rare vindication of This Is All Gay Right and like gosh hope he gets kissed by like everybody…… and thats about how that went

oh god…… trying to find a sleeping position can be the worst a lot of the time. like, it changes up and i have to do the tossing and turning bit… sometimes its all huddled up and other times my body wants to be stretched out… im sabotaged by the whims of my body re its comfort tbh. like i’ll be fine in any position and then suddenly my limbs or hips or whatever decide they’re uncomfortable. the other week it was only sleeping on my stomach that was tolerable. i guess on avg i sleep on my side but theres no real standard position, i wish there was

phew i…honestly can rarely draw anything in a matter of less than hours. under 2 hours is shockingly rare. it depends on the day for sure, sometimes drawing comes more naturally, sometimes my focus is less terrible…. for a guess at whats average though, for like a usual drawing that i also add color to, i’d put it at maybe, 5-7 hrs? i’m awful at paying attention to when i start/stop something. and i have a lot of pauses in there b/c of the terrible focus bit. but usually i don’t do coloring thats too fancy so it only tends to add on a couple of hours to the lineart, which is helped along if i’m doing it digitally w how easy it is to erase stuff and not worry abt the sketch being too messy to clean up or whatever. sometimes i wish i could spend another eon on the coloring also, but you can spend just as much time on colors as the lineart and i like to do everything in one go too much for that really… plus just that i’m bad w colors and dont expect to ever be as good at them as with the lineart element of things. anyways tldr all you need to know is…i’m really slow :(

oh god snacks…. i love to eat anything really. i’ll make anything a snack or a meal or whatever. i like stuff like corn chips or just dry crackers… i like to eat cereal just plain… i’ll eat a box of corn chex any day. or a box of oreos probably in like one go. i am a fan of cookies and ice cream and everything. pretzel sticks are great too. fruit snacks are great… a few times ive just been in the mood to cut some like orange bell peppers into strips and eat that…carrots are amazing too… theres this cucumber/cream cheese dip that is…fantastic with chips. idk i like to eat most things

i actually used to tend to wait too long to get my haircut and put it off till it’d been like two months and was getting too long in the back and i hated it lol….. i know we’ve talked abt the Homophobia In The Salon how you have to try to wrangle the stylist into accepting that yes, you really want it that short, and keep them from trying to take it in their own direction. and i’m nervous enough w social stuff like that where i cant know what to say beforehand, and doubly nervous b/c of it being really stressful and exhausting for me to try to just like stick to what you actually want and explain this very simple cut to ppl who sometimes will act like they have no idea what you mean…and it would be triply difficult b/c back in the day i’d catch all this shit over having my hair as short as i wanted b/c my mom was having a whole internal shitstorm about me being a wholeass queer and so of course she was gonna flip out about how i look as if that will solve things for her. i always forget that i Was in fact abused for the ol “not seeming properly cishet” business. so the nervousness abt the haircut experience lingered!! but it helps that sometimes i’d find a really nice stylist who would be friendly and remember the general idea of the cut i liked, and i could stick with them and that was helpful. but for the past year i’ve really just been giving myself a continuous haircut myself w the occasional aid of a bathroom mirror, i’m not fancy. my Ideal Cut gradually got shorter and shorter over the years, w it now being maybe an inch and a half on top and shorter on the sides in that General Undercut format. i rly dont like much length on the back of the neck or by the ears lol…plus it doesnt help having glasses when your hair is getting too long. maybe it would be nice if i could someday dye it my favorite kind of blue, right. but in the meantime, as long as its short enough i’m good

#long post xoxo

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kawaiibeela · 7 years

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2017 in review... i guess?

so i guess im gonna do this lol... its not really a review of my year but i will talk about a few major personal things over the past few months that happened to me, LONG LONG LONGGGGG POST UNDER THE CUT

a lot of people complained about 2017 being a shitty year, a continuation for 2016..... and i thought it would be too.... and thats how it started.... i was stuck in a crappy job for 6 years.... i wanted to leave so badly but i was also scared.... scared that what if i couldn’t find anything else? scared in my skills as a graphic designer.... i hated all my work and everything i produced from that job, i got comfortable at this job.... i could come and go as i pleased, i could take any day off i wanted.... but they were toxic people, they judged me very hard for liking the things i did, they were very negative about everything, they forced stuff on me that wasn’t part of my job, they made me feel very awkward, they would make “comments” about my religion when it didn’t fit their needs...it was very uncomfortable at times.... i would just lie to myself and to other people when asked “how’s work going?” i would say “not bad, its pretty good, i’m doing some fun events” but i was slowly drowning inside.... my parents and close friends would always tell me “you need to quit!!! just quit!!! find something better!! you’re better than this place” but i never believed it..... i never believed them..... when i should have been listening to them....

i started to tell myself, this is enough.... i cant deal with this place any more.... i started to work on my portfolio website.... but i hated it..... i hated everything about it..... everything in there just reminded me of my old shitty job that i hated... all this effort put into something that i hated... because i was forced to do what the clients wanted, it was frustrating!!

a few years ago, i went to this graphic design conference that was meant to help people find jobs, i went to a portfolio review and all 3 reviewers told me the same thing, the work i put in seem forced and not my style, they said to add stuff i was passionate about and stuff that i enjoyed and my work would speak for itself, every person that i showed my arashi posters too, said it was my strongest piece.... i should use that piece for sure!!

that helped me get a sense of what i wanted!! i deleted everything from my old portfolio site, except my logo which i actually still love, i kept 1 project from my old job which was the biggest and most challenging one i worked on to show that i have real life experience.

i decided to develop my arashi project into a full campaign, i added more pieces, i designed more stuff, for the fun of it.... every weekend for a while in the spring and summer, my friends and i were meeting up at cafes to help focus on stuff, i got a lottttt done there!!! i wanted to focus on stuff that was important to me, fandoms!! duh!! arashi of course, kiramune which had recently at the time become my new loves, and oldcodex!!! i decided to try and make designs based on them for fun!! i took kirafes 2017′s design and I remade it for myself, i imagined how i wanted the goods to look, i imagined how i wanted the posters to look, the pamphlet, and it took forever, but it was fun, it was frustrating but it was rewarding to come up with something i was proud of!! something i was happy about!! something that when i talked about it, i could explain what i wanted to and why i did certain things.

for the oldcodex stuff, i made an editorial piece, i wanted to reflect their personalities so i just kept trying different things until i was happy!! in the end it came out really great and i was able to do that piece pretty fast as well too!!

i also kept in my portfolio parts of a magazine that i had worked on.... but i wasnt happy with a lot of parts of that magazine too... so i made my own pages to “add in” about the olympics and they came out really nice!!

i was confident in my portfolio for once.... it took months and months of work.... but i was happy about it... i was proud of it.... i was excited about it.... but...... i was scared..... scared i wasnt ready for the next step.... what if i put all this effort into it and im still not good enough? how will i feel then? i also hate going to interviews because of my anxiety as well too....

but finally around the beginning of September, i was actually able to 100% complete my portfolio, my business cards and resumes were also complete...

and i was scrolling down on facebook... and one of my old friends posted something..... we were really close during college, we took graphic design together but as the semesters went on, we drifted apart as well too... it had been probably like 4-5 years since i’d ever talked to her even.... but she posted “looking for a junior graphic designer for a 3 month contract” and i kinda looked at that for a while... i messaged one of my friends about it and said “hmmmm...... my friend just posted this.... what should i do?” and she told me “just message your friend and apply!!! just do it” she gave me that push because she knew how much i hated my current job too!!

so i messaged my friend and asked her if she could submit my resume to HR.... and she did.... that was on friday.... i was scared.... and nervous.....but then... on a tuesday after work..... my phone rang and i got a call from the company..... its a photography company here in Toronto that has locations across Canada. they wanted me in for an interview.... a what??? wait what??? an interview???? they said they looked at my portfolio and were interested....... ehhhhh??? i was in shock..... but i was so happy too!! but scared..... the last interview i went on was like 2-3 years ago and it went pretty bad......... so i had no idea how this one would go..... the HR person was really nice though... she had told me that i would be interviewed by herself, the marketing manager and the art director.... i was scared as hell..... she gave me their names so i looked them up.... the art director........ he was so good..... his website was so nice!!! i started to lose confidence again but, its funny.... he was japanese.... i thought “oh crap, what if he tries to read parts of my portfolio?” i had used japanese interviews in my kiramune project but i couldnt find stuff for each member so i just copied and pasted, i thought “hes gonna know im just making stuff up” LOL I just kept thinking of useless thoughts in my head..... but i thought.... whatever.... im just gonna do it...... my interview was on thursday, i had called my old job and told them i couldnt work that day and they said it was fine because it was a really slow time... i obviously didnt tell them i was going for a job interview.... but i went anyways, i got there really early so i just sat somewhere and went over stuff i had planned for my interview, i had written stuff down in my journal and was gonna use that as a guideline for when they asked me questions, they asked some things similar to what i had planned but they asked some different stuff too... they were so nice.... throughout the interview they had kept complimenting my stuff, they said everything flowed very nicely and they really liked me work, they had asked me how i got interested in design and i answered the most face palming thing.... i mentioned anime... and i said i used to watch anime and pokemon as a kid and i dreamt of being an animator in japan and then i was like “oh no.... i didnt just tell them im a weeb did it?” and i was like “oh god, my life is over” haha i felt really embarassed ahaha oops LOL but then they were also really impressed by that answer too.... they asked if i had any retail experience and i told them i had experience working at this amusement park after high school too and it helped me deal with customers and stuff too... this was a job i had from like 10 years ago or something, it wasnt even on my resume any more, is just one of those jobs u get to make money.... like..... i thought nothing of it..... but they were SO EXCITED about it when i told them, they were like “wow!!! thats so great!!” they seemed so intrigued in everything i said!! the HR person was like “you seem very energetic!!” and i was like really happy!! no one really compliments me or my work usually haha XD

towards the end of the interview, they asked if i had any questions for them and i asked them 2 questions and they seemed really impressed too!! haha they were like “those are great questions” haha

at the end of the interview, i asked for their business cards so i could email them and thank them for taking time to interview me. they thanked me and the HR person said she’d be in touch the next few days

after the interview, i messaged my friend who had helped send in my resume and she said “just between you and me, they came upstairs and i think they really like you” omggg i felt sooo happy haha

on the way home, i remember getting really lost LOL it took me almost like 3 hours to get home i think XD i ended up finding a small japanese store that i bought a bunch of stuff from ahaha

so... i waited the weekend..... it was monday.... and i didnt hear from them.... tuesday went by and i didnt hear anything, i thought i must not have gotten the job, but then wednesday again, i got an email from the HR person, asking if i could email her 2-3 references... which i had none... so i asked 2 of my old coworkers from different jobs and they replied right away too because they also knew i hated my current job ahah so i sent my references and then on thursday while i was at work... i got a call from the HR person saying “i called both of your refernces and they both said wonderful things about you so we would like to offer you the 3 month contract position” like OMGGGG i almost screamed of joy!!! i was jumping up and down outside the office haha XD

i told this job that i would need 1 week to give my old job a heads up tho, so i could start on the following wednesday

but then i got scared again, i had to tell my current job i was quitting... i mustered up the courage and just told my one boss first, she was so happy for me, she gave me a hug and she wished me all the best too!! but then i had to tell the owner of the company and his wife, theyre both assholes so i didnt wanna tell them, but my 1 coworker helped me figure out how to tell them.... so i told them and they were unhappy but i told them id help for 1 last event (until the end of october) they appreciated that at least

so that following tuesday was my last day being in office at that crappy job i hated!!! i literally left there SKIPPING with a HUGGGEEE grin on my face!! i would never have to go back to that horrible place again!!! omg i was soooo happy!!!!

im getting tired of writing all this now LOL so im gonna fast forward a bit, but the new job was amazing, people there loved me and they were so appreciative of me, it was a huge 360 turn!!

i was working at this new place but then in the evenings id help at my old job by working from home, that was horrible, i couldnt deal.... after that last job at my old work was done, i told them i couldnt help out any more and theyd have to find a new designer.... after 6 years of working there.... 6 FRIKKEN YEARS!!!!!! i told them i was probably going to have my contract extended and i told her i was so excited and she messaged back saying “thats not good for us but anyway congrats” like WTF BITCH!!! I HELPED YOU OUT SO MUCH!! I WAS SO NICE TO YOU!!! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! I CANT EVEN WITH YOU!! LIKE OMG!!! i told her id send her files that i worked on and she replied 2 days later that she’ll download them later my last message to her was just “k” i was SO FUCKING DONE!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

ANYYYYYYYWAYYYSSSSSSS...... fast forward another few weeks?months? my manager told me that she was able to get me to job full time..... FULL FUCKING TIME........ this was my first EVER full time job that related to my career, the old crappy one was never full time.... this is the first one ive had thats full time and ill get benefits and vacation and everything!! like OH. MY. GOD. i left work SOOOOOO happy!!! i actually CRIEDDDDD tears of joy!!! i couldnt believe it!!! i cant believe it!!! like omg!!! they all congratulated me!!! they were so proud of me!!! i was proud of me!!! i told my parents and i think for the first time in mine and their life, THEY were proud of me!!!! like it was amazinnnnggg!!! its still amazing!!!! we had a work lunch party and my manager was like “id like to take this time to officially tell you all that Nabeela is now full time with us” and they all raised their glasses and cheered to that too!!! like OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY!! (also hella embarassed since im still awkward af!!) but SO SO HAPPY!!!!

HONESTLY GUYS...... i am 30 years old now..... 30........ its NEVER too late..... nothing in life is set in stone..... no matter how 1 person does things, doesnt mean you have to be like them too....you can always do things at your own pace!!! sometimes things dont go as you imagine them but things WILL AND DO get better!!! things will be alright in the end!!! thats how i ended my 2017 and started my life as a 30 year old obaa-chan XD

theres a lot of goals and things id like to work on for 2018 but i hope 2018 will even better for me and all my friends, family and followers!!!

if any of you actually got through all of this, then im so sorry and also thank you so much for reading LOL to all my friends who supported me through this hard moment in my life, thank you very much!!

if any of you are curious about my portfolio, you can check it out at www.nabeelahamid.com ^__________^ thankssss!!! if any of you guys are designers too, tips or positive criticism is always welcome too!!

to all of my friends and followers who are already in 2018, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!! and to those still in 2017 like me, lets bring in the new years together!!!

#personal rants #end of 2017 rant #HAPPY NEW YEAR

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atrashmouthsed · 7 years

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Cliche Help Me Shatt AU

Matt (the nerd for this AU purposes has a crush on Keith who is pining for Lance but Matt doesn't know) to Shiro: Okay look your his brother and according to my sister the only chance I have at impressing him. Will you help me or not?

Shiro (just a normal guy who looks like a jock, doesn't talk much but will fight a leaf for Keith *cough* WHO KNOWS KEITH LIKES LANCE BUT LIKE WHY NOT HELP THIS GUY OUT ??? *cough*: Fine just don’t think this makes us friends or anything. I'm just helping you. *That cliche shopping trip* Matt: oh my god Shiro i cant wear this. Shiro: why not it seemed fine to me. Matt: THESE ARE SKINNY JEANS AND IM PRACTICALLY SCREAMING HEY COME MOLEST ME Shiro: will you just get your ass out of the changing room and let me see? Matt: *walks out of changing room with no glasses on and probably the only hot thing he's ever worn in his life* See? This isn't me I’m not buying this. Yo dude you even listening to me? Shiro: *internally* Fuck I’m screwed *Cliche in rain moment* Matt: (literally has fallen for Shiro yet found out Shiro knew Keith liked Lance and is pissed he let this continue) YOU KNEW HE LIKED HIM YET YOU LET ME KEEP GOING AFTER HIM? Shiro: (sort of fucked cause he likes Matt and didn't tell him Keith and Lance got together cause he knew Matt wouldn't hang out with him or speak to him anymore without a reason too) I'm sorry! I just thought why not still help you i mean. Matt: seriously Shiro? You led me on and just still thought 'oh whynot?' that's bs. Why not just tell me from the get go? Why make me keep coming to you for advice and tips and having to buy new clothes and come to your house every weekend- Shiro: BECAUSE I LIKE YOU YOU IDIOT

*fast forward a few days later cause Matt totally just ran away and left shiro alone in the rain*

Matt: *sitting alone on a park bench thinking*

Lance: *just happens to be out for a run and runs by Matt and pauses* hey excuse me? Your Matt right?

Matt: uh yeah hi. Uhm your Lance right?

Lance: yes I am. Don't freak out I didn't ask to beat you up or anything. Mind if I take a seat?

Matt: sure I guess. Public property and all.

Lance: listen Matt I heard about what happened between you and Shiro a few days ago and I understand why your upset. Keith and I didn't know really what was going on nor did we know you liked Keith. But if I can be honest for a minute, I think you know deep down you stopped liking Keith months ago.

Matt: *blushes* doesn't matter besides I don't think my life is any of your concern.

Lance: look man I get it we're strangers and shit but Keith is my boyfriend now and I do think Shiro’s a great guy. Right now he's kind of hurt and sad that you just left him without any explanation. You like him, he likes you. Just go do something about it. Kiss him or fuck him senseless, they worked for me. *gives a wink and runs off before Matt can say anything*

*that cliche last five minutes of movie where they see each other again and crap*

Matt: *running frantically to get to the high school cause its prom and his suit wasn't ready from the dry cleaners* *he's terrified but he knows what he feels and after tonight he isn't sure he'll ever have the courage to do it again*

Shiro: *at prom but just sort of there watching Keith and everyone be happy and not have a care. Allura looks great and she comes by every once and awhile with her uncle the art teacher to make sure he's okay. Keith and Lance want to stay with him but he tells them to have fun and that he really is fine*

Matt: *finally makes it to the high school and rushes the the gymnasium. He looks through the windows and sees that he just happened to arrive at a slow song. Taking a deep breathe he says fuck it and throws the doors open quite loudly*

Shiro: *he’s startled by the loud noise and is surprised to see Matt standing in the doorway panting. He completely misses Keith and lances excited expressions and Allura’s death glare and Coran failing to get his phone to record the entire situation. He continues to focus on Matt as Matt seems to scan the room and then lock eyes with him*

Matt: *is embarrassed cause he's the known nerd and here he is disrupting prom. He's blushing profusely as he tries to find Shiro which shouldn't be that hard really but it somehow is and he finally finds him in the far left corner standing alone looking at him surprised. He starts walking towards him. He's still oh so scared, and he’s sweating and tense and ready to make a dash for it. But he doesn't and instead he finds himself in front of Shiro before he knows it.*

Shiro: *trying not to tear up because he's still hurt of course and everything's so silent as people watch* You're an idiot

Matt: yes I'm fully aware of that

Shiro: *actually starts to cry* do you have any idea what you've done to me?

Matt: I'm sorry

Shiro: *still crying* well you should be. I didn't ask for you Matthew Holt. Yet here I am crying over some space nerd who loves to stargaze a bit too much and can't do anything with his hair to save his life. I hate you

Matt: well *grabs Shiro’s hand* well I didn't ask for you Takashi Shirogane yet here I am making a complete fool of myself for some guy who looks like a jock yet has the softest heart I know and cares very much for his brother. I hate you as well

Shiro: *is silent cause he's honestly so full of emotions he can't speak except somehow he can still cry and he's cursing his body for making him look weak*

Matt: and now Mr. Takashi I am going to kiss you. *there kiss is met with Keith and Lance applauding and Coran sobbing into Allura’s shoulder as she tries to get him to get ahold of himself. Nobody else knows what the heck is happening but they just continue the song and dancing and Shiro nor Matt has ever been happier*

#shatt #IM ON A ROLL PEOPLE #@bipilots i put it up!!#Would anyone care to see this made into a real thing??#God I need help #and my read more option isn't working so yay me!!#alf my stuff

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1a-little-obsessed1-blog · 8 years

Text

Its different now... A Nash Grier Imagine (This is linked to my previous series)

Its been 3 years since Nash And I broke up. I’m 19 Now living in London happy, Mahogany, Shawn and I were still as close as we were when i left maybe even more. My dad remarried to my amazing step mum Cheryl and i now have a cute 13 year old step sister called Tori and a baby Half brother Ace he’s only 1 month and hes adorable! I haven’t really heard from Nash but i guess i’ve moved on. I was beginning my first year in a photography and arts University in central London.

Wednesday 8th September 2016

I wake up to a new day 6:00 AM sharp. I have a warm shower and put on my outfit for my first day at uni. I wore a Blue hoodie with a white tanktop and Black jeans, I then put on a pair of white jeans and white Vans. I run down stairs and pour some Granola, Fruits and yogurt in a bowl and i then get a 1 Liter Bottle of orange juice out if the fridge and guzzle it down with my breakfast. I run back upstairs and put a headband on, I then lightly applied some makeup to my face and then put my glasses on. I put my backpack on my shoulders and run downstairs to see my little sis sitting there all ready to go to school waiting for me as usual. I sit next to her and stuff fruits into my bag. “Hey whats up T” (T is her nickname)

“Nothing much... Jazz?”(She calls me jazz because When i first met her i gave her jazz hands trying to look cool)

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to some meet up after school today... Like you pick me up and ill go with you...”

“Sure you do whatever you want but just dont expect me to join in im probably gonna be face timing Shawn and Mahogany”

“Ok whatever i just really wanna go because theres gonna be a bunch of youtubers and i cant wait sqeeeeee!!!”

“Ok OK I get it your excited c’mon let go ill drop you off at school, oh yeah we cant be long after school i have alot of video editing for my channel.”

“OK one sec let me get my bag...” she runs to the livving room and throws her bag over her arms.

We walk to school i drop her off and then catch a train to West minister After that it’s a ten minute walk from the train station.

~Skip to the end of the day~

My day at school wasn’t bad it was ok, i didn’t have any friends but i wasn’t too bothered since i’m kinda Introverted. I kept to myself being eyed down here and there by guys. The end of the day rolled around and i went to go pick up my sweet lil sis. I wait for her outside her school gates and she runs to give me a hug. We then walk to A small community center it was packed with girls wearing t-shirts that had the number 97 on them I felt like something wasn’t adding up. I felt a presence a familiar presence a warm loving one. We we waited in line for whatever Tori wanted us to go for. I just stood with her on my phone looking through my social media. I then hear the voice of a young man I look up from my phone and see... Nash... He looked around and we made ye contact, instantly i turned my head and something went off. thats when it hit me “Shit... why the fuck is Nash here... what have i done..” I mutter to myself and before i knew it we were at the front of the line. I covered one of my eyes with my fringe and plastered a smile on my face. Tori screams and hugs him, he didn't notice me standing beside her... i think. she then got him to sign her planner. she then takes a selfie with him and then my sister did the stupidest ever.

“Hey Jaz come take a picture with Nash” She said oblivious to why i was trying to avoid Nash.

“Huhh? I’ll pass...” I shrugged and held her hand tight.

“C’mon let my fix your hair...” She brushed my fringe off my face and neatly tucked it behind my ear.

“T come on let go before mum and da-” I was cut off by Nash.

“Zahra?”

I was silent for 5 seconds straight. I then plastered a smile on my face and said. “Nash.. Long time no see....Ahem. well me and Tori are gonna leave now byeeeee!!!”

“No Zahra wait...” He grabbed my arm.

“What Nash. What do you want im over you.” I felt bad why can’t i just keep my fat gob shut.

“Zahra.... please?” I could hear the same disappointment in his voice from the day i left.

“I’m sorry... i shouldn’t have said that. Here its my Dads card it has my house phone number on it.” I look in my wallet and hand him a card. I then walk away dragging Tori with me. We were only like a block away from home, we both never spoke a word to each other.

“Jazz how does Nash Grier know you?”

“Long story short , I met him when i was fifteen we dated and then I decided it wouldn’t work because long distance relationships were not really my thing.”

“YOU GUYS DATED?! how did you not tell me?!”

“I didnt really think it mattered.”

“Its ok i still love you.” she put on a silly face.

We walked into the house and were hit by a wave of crying coming from baby ace. I go to the living room where i see Cheryl going insane. “Need a little help i think my baby brother missed me.” I take the baby out of her arms and cuddle him, eventually he opens his eyes and smiles. I smile at him and he falls asleep and that smile slowly fades away. The house phone rings and i pick up.

“Hello, This is miss Zahra Korra Marglin speaking who is this?”

“Hey its Nash...”

“Oh. hi.” Ace starts crying.

“Is that a baby?” He asks.

“Yeah one second.” I then focus on my baby brother. “It’s ok Baby Ace I’m here ive got you..” I rock him to sleep.

“Wow that was quick” He sounded like there was something on his ind he really had to get off.

“I’ve been really busy with school, youtube and my baby brother lately sorry if he cries again.”

“It’s fine... Look Zahra. I still love you.I love everything about you. I dont know why your avoiding me. i just wan to ask you if i’ve done anything wrong.”

“No. you haven’t done anything wrong. Things are different now. I’m grown up its been three years we’ve drifted apart.” I feel a tear run down my cheek and fall onto Ace’s face.

“You wanted me to leave and thats what i did. What you said to me at the airport before you left. I really thought about it. We crossed paths ii came back give me chance please...”

“Ill think about it. Im gonna go out for a run around Primrose hill. ill call you later bye”

“Bye.”

*Hangs up*

I put Ace down in his baby bouncer and call Tori down to look after him.

“T just look after him i’m gonna go out for a run see ya”

I run out the door before she could give me a response. I started running and then i started walking. I slowed down and started walking around. I was walking past an ally way before a drunk man came and grabbed my by the arm. I Scream for him to let go but the louder i got the tighter his grip became.”Get the fuck o-off me” I then see someone appear and punch the man in the face. The man then Let go and scampered away. I looked up at the mystery guy who was towering over me. “Wh-Who are you? And why didn’t you just leave me?” The guy took his hood off and revealed The same boy i fell in love with three years ago.

“why would i leave my one and only?” Nash said.

I hugged him tight.

“I knew you’d come back” I whisper to him.

“I could never leave you.”

“Can we go home please its a bit cold...”

I take him home and sneak him up to my room. I didn’t care when i was getting dressed for bed i just Got dressed in front of him.

“Damn your such a tease!” he says laying down on my bed.

“I bet that makes you want me more...” I say a little flirtatious.

“Damn since when did you start talking like that?! I aint complaining”

“I was forced to watch Fifty Shades Of Grey you really dont thing im a changed girl?”

“Who would do that?!”

“Jack G who els? But honestly i don’t care if i undress in front of you. Your my boyfriend arent you?” I give him a smirk.he then gets up and walks behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You dont know how long ive wanted to see you...”

“Babe.. Can we continue. from where we left off 3 years ago.”

“Of course.”

He laid down on the bed and i sat on top of his bare chest and kissed him. we then fell asleep in the arms of one another.

#nash grier #jack gilinsky #jack johnson #shawn mendes #taylor caniff #cameron dallas #arron carpenter #mahogany lox #imagine #nash grier imagine #magcon

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kyohiba · 5 years

Text

snow white + prince cursing. jiang cheng and wen ning fix it post canon au

WEN NING TAKING A BLOW TO THE CHEST FOR JIN LING N JC TAKING AN ARROWN TO THE HEART FOR WEN NING LMAO

ssyifpfff🌙 i dig it, havent thot much of it tho

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 but the idea of wen ning trailing behing sizhui and jc trailing behing jin ling n thm meeting while they keep their respective babies safe os *kisses filgers* DOLCE

May 16 i feel like a whole 4th eye of mine opened to that... but my mind probably wont be able to focus much. i hate how i can only hyperfixate in one or two ships at time

ISNT IT SO DOLCE? FORTÍSSIMO!

yeeting patriarch jiang cheng's hostility decreasing as they kept meeting...

yeeting patriarch perhaps wn and jc could get my ass more than jc with huaisang !?

but nothing will ever get ur ass more thn jc/happiness will it

jiang cheng n huaisang is v Aesthethic bc huaisang is a pretty pretty hoe

ssyifpfff🌙 bUT W WEN NING THERES A LOT OF ANGST

May 16 jc + happiness is all that matters

but... the sweet angst road of wn and jc...

yeeting patriarch IT CAN AND IT WILL LEAD TO HAPPINESS !?

and yea the Appeal of jc ano nhs is that huaisang is Very Pretty plus his scheming charm. but we arent given much canon background to work on this. not that it matters, lord knows we built the content when we really want to make anything

but The Flavor, of the canon background content for jc and wn Is There And It's Stronf

yeeting patriarch nevermind what i said im already ass deep into it. i love both jc and wn way too much, the appeal got me immediately

ssyifpfff🌙 ALSO BC WUXIAN DITCHED BOTH OF THEM FOR THT WANGJI D LMAO

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 them bonding over how dumb wuxian would act "he would float in the water n pretend he drowned" "yea he told a-yuan he needed to be buried in order to grow big n tall like a raddish" they look at each other n want to laugh but jc doenst know if hes comfortable enough for tht n wn doenst know if hes allowed to

May 16 yeeting patriarch REPRESSED DUMB BABIES LAUGH TO UR HEARTS CONTENTS TOGETHER :(((((

but oh god, the way jiang cheng is,

their road would be So Long

yeeting patriarch another slow burn, uh...

and then so much confusion and conflicted angsty feelings along the way when everything is better because jc was almost forgetting that..........wen ning is dead :) hes a corpse. what future awaits them. this is terrifying

yeeting patriarch ...why cant i have anything nice and just soft. i need to throw angst in or i die?

ssyifpfff🌙 its awful its a terrible idea to ship tht what r u doin

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 but wen ning being a pure boy, dogs would love him, dogs would gather around him bc he has a Good Aura, n jianc cheng just observes from afar thinkin How can he be so approachable whn hes a fierce corpse

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 like it would have to start w jc thinkin wen ning is less thn a human u understand

May 16 yeeting patriarch

ssyifpfff🌙 SAJGDASDF

May 16 IM CRYING imagine one day jiang cheng finds wen ning, on the floor, on top of him there are like four different dogs all swaying their tails all that hyper bullshit dogs do.

the incident repeats quite a few times

yeeting patriarch jc notices dogs are drawn to wen ning?

ssyifpfff🌙 he notices MAYBE?? hes not a dangerous zombie after all???

May 16 he lets it slip and asks how wuxian reacted to it

as wwx is terrified of dogs

and wen ning is like. where we... spent most of our time... there were no dogs

(awkward silence timel

ah. ruined it again.

okay 2 take

when they're on those night hunts, wen ning + sizhui & jiang cheng + jin ling

fairy starts being Too Friendly towards wen ning

both jiang cheng and jin ling were initially taken aback by it

yeeting patriarch but as the time goes on... it Softens their heart

ssyifpfff🌙 iT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE BC FAIRY IS A SPIRITUAL DOG N IT WOULDNT NVR BE FRIENDLY TO AN EVIL GHOUL SO IT RLY MAKES THM SEE THT WEN NING ISNT A BAD GUY

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 also take 2 on tht dog thing, wen ning is like "ah wei wuxian made me chase any dogs away, i quite like dogs but i had to" to remind jc of the puppies he had to give away bc of wwx lmao :)

May 16 yeeting patriarch THEY START REALIZING WEN NING IS THE PUREST ANGEL... and opening up, in their tsun ways, with him

yeeting patriarch i like how the canon wen ning art is him with a ginger cat, but for the sake of jiangning we made him a dog person

i honestly picture him being the snow white os mdzs, just all animals gathering around him

bird perching on his shoulders, deer eating from his hands. jiang cheng confused af

hes Prince Not Charming

ssyifpfff🌙 Prince Cursing, if u will

May 16 yeeting patriarch WEN NING SNOW WHITE OF MDZS AND HIS PRINCE CURSING JIANG CHENG IM YELLINGGFFKDJSKSK

yeeting patriarch jiang cheng going thru the trees and shit then he finds wen ning all surrounded by all animals cutely around him, the birds singing, some squirrels on the top of his head, a butterfly kissing his nose and suddenly the scene seem to have 💖Sparkles 💖 around. jiang cheng is like *rubs his eye and looks again* What

ssyifpfff🌙 "hey you... you have some animals on you" n wen ning was just super still he only focuses on jc "Oh yes. they do this sometimes. its ok i enjoy it"

May 16 ssyifpfff🌙 "everytime i wake up theres a few little ones on me, they must think im a rock or something" jiang cheng, internally, seein all the animals: CLEARLY THEY ENJOY IT TOO???

May 16 yeeting patriarch JIANG CHENG MACHINE BROKE

ssyifpfff🌙 MEAN JIANG CHENG.EXE STOPPED WORKING

May 16 PRECISELY HENSKLDGSKLS

i would like the idea of, somewhere farther into the future,

some cultivator bitch being mean to wen ning and by instinct jiang cheng ends up standing for wen 5

wen ning*

but then hes a sect leader and...

yknow how it wouldnt work

yeeting patriarch BUT A NYARI CAN DREAM!?

THEY CAN AT LEAST BE ... LIKE.... PHILTATOS

ssyifpfff🌙 MOST BELOVED

May 17 jiang cheng has responsibilities but thEY CAN BE LIKE YOU KNOW.... CASUAL

ssyifpfff🌙 they dont gotta marry. not every couple can be wangxian

May 17 PHILTATOSSSSSSSS

tbh im all in for casual couples too

yeeting patriarch not everyone needs or can have Marriage

hmmmmmm the more jc starts seeing The Light in wn, when they're at the middle of the road,

yeeting patriarch more tangled his emotions get?

he was supposed to LOATHE wen ning but then he sees what happened wasnt wen nings fault. hes angry, who to blame then? wuxian! but it also isnt entirely wwx's fault he lost the control, the dark cultivation is a dangerous path after all... and wwx had a lot on his shoulders... and most of all: it was the only path he could follow without his golden core :) the very golden core that now resides inside jc. who should he blame? who should he hate?? Himself???

yeeting patriarch goddammit can i stop with the suffering

me: snow white au hehe you, chaotic bastard: what if jiang cheng hated himself lmao

i hate specifically tht iT MAKES SENSE

ssyifpfff🌙 HE SPENT. OVER A DECADE BLAMING WEN NING N WUXIAN N TO REALIZE HE WAS WRONG, HE WASTED ALL THOSE YEARS. WHOS HE GONNA TURN THT HATE TOWARD??? HIMSELF OFC!!!!! OF COURSE!!!!!!1

May 17 HOLD UP THAT I GRAB BOTH OF US TO JUMP INTO THE HELL HOLE BUT I CAN ALSO SAVE US

listen up,

one day all those feelings that keep growing and bottling up inside jc overflow and he explodes in yelling and tears and etc

wen ning, whom was with him, witness all that

yeeting patriarch and tries to soothe his state of mind

yeeting patriarch telling him that it's no one's fault. none of them couldve known what would happen. all sides had their good intentions here and there, but unfortunately fates can twist it in a way they never expected

BUT THEN jc returns with an "then why do u look like u blame yourself as well?" BECAUSE WEN NING DOES

yeeting patriarch sorry apparently the half brain cell i have working, only does suffering hours

"THEN WHY DO U BLAME URSELF"

nyari u sAID U COULD SAVE US

ssyifpfff🌙 wen ning is like "..............." jiang cheng: i know it wasnt anyones fault but then what am i supposed to feel? who am i supposed to hate??"

May 17 yeeting patriarch IM LAUGHINGS O MUCH IM NOT BRSTJINENSKS

wen ning is like No one. there isnt any1 to blame anymore

ssyifpfff🌙 im franctically tryin to make it bETTER NYARI LEND ME A HAND DAM IT

May 17

MY THROAT HURTS IM TOO BROKE LIKE (MANIC LAUGHTER)

yeeting patriarch okay lemme get myself back together and try to offer some fix it

yeeting patriarch me: *shaking, weakly offering a tiny ass pink hello kitty band aid* This Will Fix Everything (the hell hole im offering the band aid for is like 17cm)

yeeting patriarch wen ning goes confident mode again and says that he cant help it as much jc and wwx, all of them will feel guilty no matter what anyone says. they tried their best but it backfired and they will need, they have to, learn how to live in terms with it. not forgetting, but still forgiving themselves and each other

wen ning obv has the wisdom of some1 who has died, seen death, been death, and come back to life

he has an appreciation for the little things no others would have

if any1 could emotionally guide jc it wOULD BE HIM1!

ssyifpfff🌙 "i have regrets too, but theres no choice for any of us but to live w them n learn"

May 17 ssyifpfff🌙 ALSO

May 17 ssyifpfff🌙 i think wen nings sensibility woULD BE SO GOOD FOR JC, hes always tense he needs a break of him just being so still tht birds can perch on his shoulders

May 17

WEN NINGGGGGGGGG

yeeting patriarch he'll literally become jc's heaven sent angel... his solace and calm

like, after that breakdown and the things wen ning said

yeeting patriarch jiang cheng actually does feel... Lighter

wen ning boutta be jiang chengs therapist

ssyifpfff🌙 its what he needs

May 17 but as jiang cheng starts dealing better with his internal demons

he starts seeing more too that wen ning isnt only light

wen ning carries his pain too, inevitably

and jc starts to help wn as well

yeeting patriarch each other's company start being the healing they needed?

woke

ssyifpfff🌙 jiang cheng teached wn confidence and wen ning teaches jiang cheng stillness and softness

May 17 i teared up here

after The Wen Ning Effect, and jiang cheng softening. people of his sect start to be... less afraid of him? AND BETTER, the respect level only grows!

jiang cheng realizing there is strength in softness too

that to be tender doesnt mean to be weak

of course his actions arent Oh, Super Obvious as he is a tsun

yeeting patriarch but u can feel The Difference on his aura

YOU HAVE TO BE SOFT TO BE STRONG JIANG CHENG

ASKJDAJSDGF

ssyifpfff🌙 I KNOW THAT WHEN LOVE IS LOST..............

May 17 yeeting patriarch I LOVE HOW IN SYNC WE ARE MY MIND ALSO WENT SOFT TO BE STRONF .MP3

ssyifpfff🌙 WE'VE KNOWN IT ALL ALONG THE TRUTH IS............ YOU HAVE TO BE S

May 17 yeeting patriarch ME, ON THE FLOOR, SOBBING, SINGING ALONF,

ssyifpfff🌙 EXTREME MOOD RN

May 17 yeeting patriarch we did done it again and again... i cannot believe it

honestly if the ppl in his sect see tht jc has the ghost general over for tea they'd be like Wow sect leader cheng rly is amazing

ssyifpfff🌙 hes so fearless

May 17 im tearing up again

HMMMMMMMMM his relationship with wen ning also being a bridge for some fixing for his relationship with wuxian...........

takes so much time and it's slow

but

after he took it all in, and especially wen nings words that he shouldn't forget to forgive, and has to live with it

he starts Understanding the events. that is was inevitable. and that the anger would not help nor be good for any of them

yeeting patriarch that for the ones around them (like jin ling) they need to... overcome it

*sobbing* wen ning even helping him to overcome his inferiority complex !?

yeeting patriarch making jc see that this and this sides of him are greater and make up for this and this other ones. that he, too, was of vital importance on here and there

tht the ppl around him look up to him, tht they dont compare him to wuxian, tht the strenght he has shown isnt just coming from his golden core but from his choices as well

from his leadership

also jiang cheng realizing yanli wouldnt want him to hate

ssyifpfff🌙 the worst part abt yanlis death is tht we dont ever hear her last words

May 17 ssyifpfff🌙 she doesnt get to finish sayin thm, we dont know what she was gonna say to wuxian n i firmly believe tht if she has finished n she had said she didint blame him, thn jiang cheng wouldnt have been as hung up on hate as he was

May 17 yeeting patriarch

yeeting patriarch tbh yanli... she just Understood more. faster than the two dense dumbasses

SHE WAS SO BRIGHT

AND MATURE

ssyifpfff🌙 I MISS HER EVERYDAY

May 17 and it's like. Obvious she wouldnt want them to be that way. she would want them to understand the terms of the situation and overcome it TOGETHER

IM SO SAD SHE DESERVED BETTER :(((

but after jiang cheng learns how to deals with his demons,

and most important of all: Grows (emotionally)

he starts seeing things a bit more like his sister would

yeeting patriarch WWYLD (What Would YanLi Do)

yeeting patriarch hmm now what's left is his daddy issues

WWYLD!!!!!

sadasdfsf the fuck jiang dad

ssyifpfff🌙 can u believ wen ning is jiang chengs love+fear era

May 17 hmmmmmmmm let's say that as he watches himself raise jin ling he starts to understand his dad couldn't be easy on him. and that he Had To be softer on wwx's for his situations

i cant go deeper on this one because his dad messed up

yeeting patriarch but let's say that was really the case,

ssyifpfff🌙 yes theres no excuse for his dad, he had a soft spot for wwx n his favoritism showed

May 17 ssyifpfff🌙 its more like, its important for jc to Know it doesnt matter, he grew up to be a good leader n tht proved his dad wrong

May 17 IT'S HARD TO FIND A SITUATION OUT OF HIS DAD REASONS he messed up

BUT!!! YES!!!!!!!

learn to let go of those feelings towards his dad

yeeting patriarch and the day it finally fully clicked inside him that he became an amazing sect leader, he proved it

it's also important that he could realize having wwx golden core inside him means as if wwx really kept his promise

he stayed by his side

yeeting patriarch a very important piece of wwx will always be with him

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