#Im so glad im alive like this if i had to deal with this shit when im just 1 guy in 1 body i wouldn't even make it

[vaniliens]

Theres a very edgy voice inside of me who keeps telling us its better for us to just die and like. Of course we're not gonna do that & their excuses & aggression are kinda silly but their lines would be bangers if we put in it in a similar context. Thats not about me killing myself maybe. I mean something fictional.

[wolvertooth]

what if, victor, logan and wade were all boyfreinds, all three cant die so they said fuck it

here u go anon. the 1st piece of sabes n wolvie fanart i ever drew(back in july 2023) after rewatching hulk vs wolverine, feat. deadpool(not my 1st wade, we had quite the history in highschool)

i think my brain is so gripped by sabrevine that it cant think of them being with anyone else.....but i'll give it a shot. for wades sake.

i do see them all as post weapon x survivor besties. and immortality homies.

wade is basically an honorary feral type, since he literally shares his dna with logans. wades an odd case, due his killer instinct being...natural. in a human way. he was born with the urge to kill n maim. which is different, but im sure they'd get to a point to trust him enough to wanna chat about it.

wade n logan would bond over their psychosis, even tho being fairly different experiences. i can see them also having a lotta smoke hangouts while logan just listens to wade rant

vic n wade would bond over their shitty dads, and also talk about being dads. as well as their merc lives and heavy knowledge of killing(infodump sesh on weapons)

all of them would bond over their memory problems.

group therapy would be a thing. calling out eachothers bullshit. problem with that being that logan would get ganged up on pretty frequently, and thatd piss him off....all 3 of them hate being told theyre in the wrong, logan getting frustrated by it the most. seriously, logan gets picked on a ton by these guys and thatd be something they’d need to sort out lol(maybe he enjoys the attention sometimes tho)

i kinda wish they showed more of wade n vic being buddies in the comics, since it was mostly in deadpool 2016 issues 8 - 12, showing when they used to work together and how theyre still sorta pals…..

i think both logan n vic see wade as someone they should take care of, mostly from the standpoint of having some age on him. bit like a younger brother. that does make wade kinda the odd one out, but hes got other lovers in his life at least(is his wife still alive? i havent caught up on the comics since like 2016)

they all share the burden of being cursed to forever deal with their fucked up brains, never being able to escape who they are, and that can make for some good sleepover conversations ig. like, its not even a lovers thing, its a ‘ur the fuckers im forced to spend eternity with, and even tho we all have in common the shit we hate about ourselves, im glad its with u’ type of thing

oh and theyre all pain junkies so u know the sex is freakyyyyyy

[yinora-evergreen]

Hiii!! Can I request early seasons sam x reader where there exhausted after a hunt so they cry together in a cute way? <3 (I hope you get the vision aha)

a/n: i totally get your vision!! i struggled a little bit writing this, but i hope you enjoy it! im really glad you requested this, because i really wanna get better at writing more things like this. i tried to make it a little bit angst to fluff, but idk if i succeeded at that

pairing: Sam Winchester x gn!reader

note: i kinda made Dean an asshole, much to my own pain, but it fits the best. i'd just like to point out that Dean does care, but in this fic he's just a dick about it, because it fit best

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you swear you didn't mean for it to go so not-according-to-plan.

you, Sam and Dean took this case, an old cabin in the woods was haunted by an old lumberjack's ghost, who wasn't very keen on human interaction when he was alive, and therefore, once he died, his body was never found, he kept his place a secret, and now he was haunting the old place, and anyone who came in ended up bloody, to say the least.

you three had made a simple plan: get in, stay quiet, find the body, and roasty toasty mr mcghosty.

but, much to nobody's surprise, the place was old, and made of wood, and apparently, wasn't as sturdy as it used to be.

Sam and Dean had made it up the stairs with minimal noise, however, much to your luck, one of the steps broke under your weight, making your leg get stuck, a piece of wood impaling your thigh, making you groan at the sudden wave of sharp pain, and ofcourse, that alerted the ghost.

it appeared, right infront of you, and swung a rather large axe at you, which you managed to avoid getting hit with by throwing your iron wrench you had with you at it, making it temporarily dissappear.

long story short, Sam helped you up, you three found the body, and burned it, end of story.

however, you had bled quite a bit, and passed out.

next thing you know, you wake up in the back of the impala, Sam sitting next to you in the backseat with a worried expression, and Dean complaining in the front.

"i told you it was a bad idea to bring them, Sammy, they're newer at this than we are, we shouldn't have brought them" you furrow your brows.

"Dean, this isn't their fault! it could've been either of us who fell through those stairs, we just got lucky, and they didn't" Sam argues back, mindlessly keeping his hand on your bandaged thigh, which you realize was probably taken care of by him.

"....sorry..." you mumble quietly, barely audible.

"you better be, you could've made this case go fully to shit" Dean snaps back. he doesn't mean it, you tell yourself, he's just worried.

you manage to stay quiet and composed the whole ride back to the shitty motel, keeping your eyes trained out the window to prevent yourself from crying, which Sam, being as caring as he is, notices.

once your back, Dean tells you both to go back inside to the motel room, and he'll get some chinese food.

you stumble back inside, Sam right behind you and locking the door behind you two.

"you okay?" he asks hesitantly. he feels like shit. he shouldn't have let you walk up those stairs third, it should've been him, he should've been the one who got hurt, not you.

you try to respond, but the words die on your tongue as you feel a lump form in your throat, and your eyes tear up.

you try to blink the tears away, though Sam has already noticed them, and crossed the room in a few strides and wrapped his arms around your waist.

trying to blink away the tears doesn't work, it just makes them fall as you start crying, wrapping your arms around Sam just as he wraps his around you, hiding your face in his chest.

he can't help but tear up aswell, both in relief that your ok and in sadness of you feeling like this and having to deal with both the scare of getting swinged at with an axe and having to deal with his brother's shit.

"its okay, you're okay, we're all okay..." he murmurs shakily, trying to reassure the both of you.

[zaimta]

彡 STRAW HAT PIRATES SPORTS AU

parings: straw hats x gn!reader, chopper x platonic!reader

zai says: my best idea ever brain funk lasted me a good 2 days and im FREE (im probably lying) i wanna split this into parts for the one shots but for now hcs!! no brook bc i literally couldn’t think of a sport for him maybe i’ll fit him in later idk 🧍🏾‍♀️

ˏˋ«────── « 𓆩♡���� » ──────»

˗ˏˋMONKEY D. LUFFY- football (soccer) player

the type of person to just randomly meet his s/o somewhere, he’s either completely drunk or just extremely sober but he’s just crazy asf as is

when he meets you n you have no idea who he is he doesn’t remind you but he sees no reason to, he just introduces himself like normal and rolls with it

and if you don’t keep up with sports whatsoever you would have no idea you’re dating a football player and his friends would think it’s absolutely hilarious

he would teach you all about football and he even plays it with you from time to time, lots of pitty goals coming your way

i don’t think he’ll make a big deal out of telling you who he is he just randomly says it when he has a game/match and he asks you to come if you’re free

you kissing him after his games would be his favorite thing ever, he hoists you up by your thighs n smiles into the kiss

he gives you the biggest smile when you say that you’re proud of him when he wins, and even if he lost you would still be proud of him

˗ˏˋRORONOA ZORO- fencing

i don't see him falling in love with a rival i fear he would be too focused on climbing the ranks

au where kuina is alive bc i said so, but zoro still aspires to chase after her she is the best there is period and when he beats her he knows that he made it so far he has yet to beat her but he swears he’ll get there

he probably meets you at a fencing match or at a bar, either way where he meets you he doesn’t really flirt at first he just acknowledges you n it becomes something from there

peak situationship, you have no idea what you are when he actually does start flirting with you and takes you out on dates, and don’t let him talk about fencing either he can talk about it for hours and it manages to put a smile on his face

he always asks when you’re free whenever he has a match, he wants you to be there whether he wins or loses

there would be one crushing loss that gets to him and he holds you close to him and you stay like that for a while and you can tell he’s clearly upset, he pulls away from you mumbling something about getting his stuff

kuina passes by him and simply ruffles his hair saying how you’re a keeper and he brushes her off

kuina actually adores you she likes how you keep him grounded and encourages him to keep going, she sees him as a little brother and she’s glad he found someone like you

˗ˏˋNAMI- tennis player

totally played in college on a full-ride scholarship, the girl had to get her money's worth!!

richest tennis player simply because of her skill

au where belle-mère is alive because i said so, but nami often talks about her and nojiko in her interviews, belle-mère is so proud of her she’s always bragging about nami to anyone who will listen (literally anyone who stops by her tangerine farm bc she forces them to)

i see her falling in love with an opponent on the court, the bickering the two of you would have would go from a rivalry to slight flirtatious interactions to just straight flirting and everyone can see it

the tension would be at its peak during a championship game, the two of y’all would be in the finals, winner takes all type shit

nami says “i’ll take you out when i win, you know to help you get over your loss”

if she wins you let her take you out, if you win you let her take you out regardless which just intensifies her crush on you when you actually agree to go in the date

tennis power couple, the moment y’all debut in a doubles match it’s over for the world

˗ˏˋUSOPP- track and field

oh he’s totally a track star ik y’all see the way he be running

i see him running the 100, 200, and dabbling in long jump

he probably meet you while out on the town or at a meet, if you’re competing for another team and he ends up running against you or your teammate he shows off to impress you, if he meets you while he’s out and a bout he just tells you about himself casually

he would love going on little artistic dates, or he’ll buy the paint stuff and y’all can paint at his house while binging y’all’s favorite show

meet days are long asf for him once he gets back he’s immediately asleep, he tries (emphasis on tries) to text you when he gets home but once he brushes his teeth and puts his bonnet on, and his head hits that pillow oh he’s out like a light

he will never shut up about the 4 x 4 and how much he despises it, and if you don’t get it he takes you to a track and has you run a full 400m y’all now hate it together it’s a couples thing <3

if you’re there to cheer him in at his meets he actually falls in love with you like he wants to marry you and would propose to you on the spot if he could

the days after his meets he loves having lazy days with you and doing absolutely nothing, just holding you in his arms and relaxing is all he needs

˗ˏˋSANJI VINSMOKE- baseball player

he’s totally a baseball player i mean look at that waist ( we gon ignore the fact that he refuses to use his hands for anything besides cooking)

he’s totally a flirtatious player half of the time it’s unintentional bc that’s just how he is a natural gentleman

i see him asking a sports reporter for their number while they’re interviewing him, i see him enjoying the chase so if they brush him off he would be persistent flirting with you

him making sure you see his games, and he would flirt with you constantly if you’re there to recap the games

when he somehow gets you to agree to go out with him he’s actually over the moon, he treats you so well i’m talkin pressin a kiss to the back of your hand, opening doors for you all that jazz

when y’all start dating he’s still the same person, he flirts with you like he hasn’t won the chase a terrible romantic trulay

˗ˏˋTONY TONY CHOPPER [platonic]- athletic trainer student aide

student aide to an athletic trainer, he would probably be a prodigy too so they sitting here thinking he in college and he is but he’s like fucking 15

the team sees him as a little brother they all adore him and if they get scolded by him bc they wasn’t doing what they was supposed to do to let their injuries heal they so sad they disappointed him

you’re probably on the sports team he’s an aide too n he just naturally floated to you, he hangs out with you outside of the sports team and he sees you as an older sibling

if you need any help training he’d love to help you but if you make him work out with you he’s tapping and switching to moral support

if you get an injury he’s even harsher with you when you don’t listen he’s like “im not above putting my hands on people” whole time he not but he on the verge of slapping you so hard you gon have to be back in his office bc of the slap

makes you buy him lunch all thee time, for an athletic trainer aide he’s in love with sweets and you find it strange

˗ˏˋNICO ROBIN- volleyball player

#team mom

her volleyball team actually adores her

she’s been player of the year for her team, her conference, and in her league

i see her being the ace of her team, bringing them points home and someone her team can depend on to carry em home

but her practicing late one night and you walkin into the gym to do whatever maybe set up for media day or clean up, anyways you would catch her mid jump serve and it’s totally love at first sight for you i mean it’s robin like

she would smile at you and ask if you play volleyball

if you do she’ll hit some serves to you and if you’re down for it she’ll have a 1v1 practice match against you

if not she’ll be happy to teach you, hits you with the engulfing you and guiding your body with her hands

y’all would play together around the same time for the next few days and she asks you on a date and you ofc agree

˗ˏˋCYBORG FRANKY - athletic trainer for a hockey team

his team actually adores him like “big bro” franky in effect

i see him as an athletic trainer for a college team but he could also work for pros too!

if he works for a college team he totally cries when the seniors graduate, and if they go pro he makes sure to at least go to one of their games if he can

they’re always in his office even if they aren’t injured, when they don’t have class ( or anything to do ) some of his athletes just go to his office and talk to him about whatever

i see franky as a blind date guy nami probably sets one up for him and he meets you, he talks to you for a little while and he knows he’s into you

he could be in his office talking to you on the phone when his athletes catch him smiling at his phone too hard, or they notice how he’s in a better mood they totally tease him for it (he got that good team chemistry)

he’s so blindly in love with you too, if you don’t know anything about hockey he teaches you and if he has to teach you how to skate as well he literally never leaves your side he got his body around you as he shows you how to hit the puck with the stick

he also gives the best massages like any sore spots you had will be immediately gone

˗ˏˋJINBE - karate fighter

he screams olympian he truly do don’t he

anyways he’s well respected in his craft, it’s clear he loves what he does and he puts his all into karate

he’s such a smooth gentleman too, his flirt attempts would be subtle but they would be able to knock you off your feet like damn

him flirting with you while you wrap his wounds and it’s like this man?? and he’s so sweet with it

he’s the old timer with the lovey partner who was supporting him from the beginning, you was there when he had nothing to when he was winning championship titles

even though he’s gotten older he’s still got it, people love meeting him bc he’s such a sweetheart and he gives the best hugs ever, runs his own dojo maybe and he teaches people karate

when you stop by because he “forgot his lunch” he always thanks you with a kiss, you know he leaves it on purpose and he knows that you know but he keeps doing it anyways for a kiss

[mymreaderlibrary]

Hey buddy, gotta say, fucking LOVE your old man yaoi post with price and reader. It's also one of my favorite things and shit if you'd like could you write more about them? Like I need these two old men to finally own up and kiss damnit 😭

I wanted to get this out way earlier but ANYWAYS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT AAAAGHHGH I honestly wanted to write about it a lil more but I wasn’t sure. I hope this is good, no beta cause I’m a looney toons of a writer who’s stubborn as hell.

[old friends to lovers, slight angst, injury ment, laswell is so fuckin annoyed by being the only smart person, use of y/n though they’re kinda treated more like an oc sorry, the ramblings continue]

[length: 1324 words]

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They didn't speak of the night before, but they honestly didn't have to. Y/n and Price could tell their feelings were mutual, or at least stronger than a typical friendship, but instead they chose to be stopped by an invisible road block.

For y/n it was the feeling of lost time. They weren't young anymore, they didn't have the energy nor time for things like relationships and... well he wasn't sure if Price would want to be stuck with an old fart like himself. Price aged in a way that'd make any man jealous meanwhile y/n? Not so much. He was greying, his bones ached more often than not, he spent half of his time drinking shitty liquor that made his teeth reek, and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's just not handsome anymore. Price deserved to be with someone who still had life to them. Maybe a spunky military gal who could keep him on his toes or private operative with an infinite list of missions to complete. What he didn't need, however, was someone who already had their chance and wasted it. Y/n should've told him just how much Price meant to him, how much he envied the people who got to stay by his side. He should've searched for him, got on his hands and knees and begged to come with. Convince whoever had them separated to change their mind. He didn't care if he still went through the same pain he did when he was alone, if he had to amputate his own damn leg again, or deal with the loss of his parents one more time. As long as he could've done it by Price's side he would've been happy or at the very least satisfied. But that was the past and the current y/n could never catch up to the man Price had become.

However for Price it was guilt. He remembered the days that y/n and him felt invincible. Like every little thing was just a stepping stone in their grand journey to glory. No matter the pain they persevered, found solutions where others would've given up, made names for themselves amongst crowds of soldiers all baring the same purpose. Too bad those names couldn't stop them from being split up, from losing their friends, their families, from being sent all across the world with no way of knowing if the other was even alive. Those names couldn't stop y/n from losing his entire calf... (Price hated that he only knew of his friends injury due a rumor involved with y/n's discharge). Y/n shouldn't even be here, his time in the military was over, he paid his penance, he should be at home watching tv on a leather couch with a beer in hand. Nothing on the mind but whatever sore loser couldn't figure out tonight's Jeopardy categories. But no, Price had to go and drag him out from retirement, right back onto the front lines. Straight back into trouble. Even if he wasn't on the field that didn't mean he was away from risk. His mere association with the 141 planted a target on his back that wouldn’t be removed by simply walking away. Price didn't feel he deserved y/n's affection not when all he ever did was put him in danger.

So they both stayed like that, infinitely stubborn, hellishly avoidant, and not nearly as sly as they thought. The 141 didn't have a full understanding of what was going on between the two, but they could tell there was some unfinished business. Gaz thought maybe one of them slighted the other and neither have taken the step to apologize for it. Soap thought y/n perhaps betrayed Price and that's why he's missing part of his leg. Ghost had... almost the right idea, thinking there was a strange tinge of romantic tension between the two though he assumed it was from something like a love triangle. Maybe y/n and Price loved the same woman and had some unfinished rivalry? Regardless, it was not his problem so much as it didn’t effect the mission.

Laswell however, she knew. She wouldn't have the position she did if information like this just flew past her radar. She knew of their history, she saw how they reacted to one another. Laswell wasn't blind for god's sake, in fact she felt like the only one with eyes at the moment. She wasn't so crass as to demand them to make up and get it over with, but having no one to complain to was definitely testing her patience. Instead she stuck to subtly, casually chatting with Price about y/n and dropping questions in regards to their past missions together and how close they were, hoping to make some wheels turn in his rusted head. She wasn't gonna do more than that however, they were two grown men and if they couldn’t figure it out that was their problem. Could they just be a little more subtle though?

It took until a, quite literally, explosive scenario for them to finally get it together. A bullet had gotten lodged into Price's shoulder after an enemy made a lucky shot. It was far from the worst thing the Captain had faced but it still wasn't great, hurt like a bitch for one. And secondly it seemed to send y/n into a spiral. He was practically fuming when Price got back, going on some sort of rant about hygiene and wound care. Y/n demanded to be the one to dress Price's shoulder with a tone that had the others knowing they were not invited to watch unless they wanted to join in on the incoming lecture. And lecture he did, through the whole process Price could barely get a word in. Y/n paced and raved, threw his arms in the air and even knocked over supplies on accident. He was a complete mess and it wasn't until y/n was literally out breath that the Captain could finally speak.

An explanation of what happened was given, it was just luck (bad luck in regards to Price) that he got hit. This wasn’t overly common and the team knew how to deal with these wounds. Everything was okay, it was going to be fine. This just came with the job, risks were inevitable.

They were quiet, looking at each other and letting the silence permeate the room. Price reached his hand out to touch y/n’s but was caught off guard as the other man suddenly leaned it. Knocking his head against Price’s good shoulder and breathing heavily, y/n shuddered a silent cry. A plead for Price to be safe. Whatever false version of safety he could promise, just please don’t die out there.

The Captain raised his outstretched hand to cup the back of y/n’s head, running a thumb over the stubbled hair. Letting his hand slide to his face and pushing him back just an inch.

Another moment of silence. Hearts beating like rabbits.

“You gonna actually do something or do I-“

Price shut him up as quickly as he could. It was clumsy, a bit shaky, and definitely desperate, but the moment their lips touched it felt like pure ecstatic relief. Relief that this was finally happening, relief that the invisible barrier they built around each other was so weak, but mostly relief that those moments, all those touches and lingering stares weren’t for nothing.

They breathed in each others scent, something they’ve come to know so well and yet in this moment it felt brand new, and infinitely stronger. The spice of a cigar, the sting of sweat, and- oh right, sterile wipes. Price was left to chuckle awkwardly and y/n backed away. Any childish excitement felt would have to wait but at the very least they had this.

[prince-liest]

Your last 666 series installment is the best thing that happened to me. Its full of gore, somehow fluffy and wait-.. do I finally see some FRICKING COMUNICATION between the two idiots!?!?!

Ngl, Vox's 'Alastor not being able to love' statement hurt my soul. Your writing is brilliant and and let's just see what ending ya wro-..O MA LORD IS THAT VAL'S LOVE POTION!?!?!?!?

Now I need to know what's next!!!! And VOX I SWEAR IF U USE THIS SITUATION IN ANY WAY IM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE.

This series is a blast♡ love it!♡ makes me weirdly passionate and excited hah!

Some communication, and some communication failure, hahaha. They're going to be talking a lot more in the next one, actually, because I meant to write some NSFW and they had to go and attempt a healthy conversation instead. What can you do.

Thank you so much, I'm delighted that you're enjoying! :D

And: Way more anon asks about the latest 666 getting answered under the cut! <3 I combined a bunch from the last couple of days.

prince, I'm going insane over the latest fic. so we know from Alastor's inner monologue that he knows the roofie was an accident, but considering the super stressful situation, the fact that Vox was the one to ask for a kiss and the fact that Alastor accused him of wanting instead of loving him not a few minutes ago…. makes me wonder if Vox might not be at least a little worred that Alastor might think it was on purpose <3 gonna be rotating this in my head for the foreseeable future - ✨

I am so glad that these things are on y'all's minds, hahaha. Because you can bet they are on mine. >:D And THANK YOU, very pleased to be dragging everyone down into insanity with me.

“Should I stitch together the scars your teeth left in me in a mirror of my own signature on your body.” Fucking. POETRY. 🐈‍⬛

I am always so happy when I write shit like this and instead of everyone pointing at me and going, "Look, what an EDGELORD!" the response is you people being VERY nice and leaning into the feelsy fun! 💛

holy moly ??? i love the new 666 addition aaaah 😭🙏 the trials and tribulations of feeling scorned and ghosted by a loser who confessed his love to you and the next time you see him he’s holding your LITERAL heart in his hands by alastor ! OMFG this was too good esp the part where vox is like “bro why do YOU CARE ?? i thought you didn’t love me huh?” and alastor is like well. maybe i.do. 😐 LIKE CMONN this really played out like some soap drama and i loved the neat details on resuscitative thoroctomy (learned a new word too so double bonus) the fact vel was on the line w her and val’s apparent surgeon for val’a little ‘incidents ??? GOLDEN I SAYY hope we see more of ur oc … 🫣🫣 btw ofc vox would love to an end an argument with a kiss OF FUCKING COURSE HE WOULD 😭 thank u sm for this chapter princeliest my dear <3 hope life is treating u well too !! -🦌

Vox is ahead of Alastor in terms of effective in-the-moment conflict resolution, but goddamn if he isn't fucked up in his own fun little ways. They're so not done with most of these issues, but at least they're on they're way to maybe be able to have a real conversation about them!

You know. If they chose to do that kind thing. Instead of whatever they will probably do instead.

Anyway, THANK YOU!! I had a great deal of fun writing this chapter and digging into some of the issues that have been slowly collecting underneath the surface of kinky radiostatic, so I'm happy you guys are enjoying as well!! :D

AS FOR MY OC... I WILL POST ABOUT THEM SOON. I LOVE THEM A LOT AND IT EXCITES ME THAT PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THEM. Tysm for asking Q^Q

Just read the new addition to the 666 verse, and inside of me are two wolves: The first is saying: Immaculate, artistry of the highest form. We finally get Alastor’s own confrontation with his vulnerability and him trying to figure out what exactly the relationship with Vox means to him. Cannot wait for how this all is going to develop. The other part of me: THE BREADCRUMBS WORKED THE MUSE IS WRITING!!! Followed by this image (since tumblr won’t let me attach it while being anonymous) https://i.redd.it/hx2shk642vs71.jpg -🕊️

LMAO THAT PIC. Amazing, flawless, thank you. The breadcrumbs DEFINITELY worked, please keep feeding. Digging into Alastor's shit is bringing me life and I'm happy to share it, hahaha. We're swinging even harder on the introspection in the next one!

As a sucker for medical gore and aroace angst, I lack the words to express my love and appreciation for your most recent installment of 666, but your writing of radiostatic's dynamic was captivating and proved to be such a lovely read as always! I loved that you touched on Alastor's relationships with the women around him as that has always been such an interesting aspect of his character to me! I never really put much thought into how Vox's apparent avoidance of Alastor in the show could mirror Alastor's disappearance, and now it will Not leave my mind. My heart hurts for these two dorks, super looking forward to chapter 2!

"Medical gore and aroace angst" should be the title of my memoir. Honestly, this series has ended up a lot more edgy-bloody than I expected it to, since I usually tend to prefer to portray my whump/angst/violence/etc in a much more roundabout way, but it's actually kinda tipped over into, like... part of the point is how banal it is, how beside the point. The upsetting heavy-hitting bits aren't the blood, they're everything else that goes on around it. Anyway, thank you so much! <3 I think your heart will find some relief in chapter two, haha, I hope you enjoy!!

Meanwhile alastor, completely convinced that there’s no situation where vox actually loves him and is happy with the way things are—either vox wants more and is going to start asking for more, or he doesn’t actually love him and just wants to have sex with him and thus either way he is a Liar. They’re so fucking bad at this. No one is capable of being the adult here. I think they need an auspitice.

It's really funny that you said that, because that is kind of exactly the role that [spoiler] ends up playing, though in a more roundabout way, hahaha. They certainly need someone to, like, get them to be having the same conversation with each other instead of two parallel ones. I think the fun thing about writing Alastor reacting to his own feelings is just how much his reaction can change based on how things are framed for him, and it leaves a lot of wiggle room for how differently I've ended up writing him reacting to the season 1 finale in 666 vs in Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy.

But, god, you really nailed the description of what Alastor is feeling. <3

Vox in the latest 666, my ENTIRE HEART. Literally nothing about how he read the situation was a bad take or a leap to conclusions, but alastor constantly says the opposite of what he means and refuses to admit vulnerability or friendship and what the hell else was vox meant to do with that, of course he backed off, they need to have this talk so badly

YES, PRECISELY! Like, I hope it came through that really neither of them was completely crazy to react the way they did! It's a result of how much of their communication has been nonverbal, implied, and talking around things - they'd been doing so well up until this point, but there's only so far that can take you before you start thinking that you're on the same page when really you're reading two completely different books! Thank you sm! <3

‘But I am capable,” Alastor says gently. “I love you very much.” Vox gapes up at him. “...I. Fuck you.” His voice is tight, strained. “I don’t fucking believe you.” Alastor feels his smile thin. “Well. That’s just dandy, then, isn’t it?”’ I AM NOT OK GOING FUCKING FERAL

Probably one of my favorite lines to write, ehehehe. THANK YOU ANONNNN <3 It's kinda interesting to see how differently some people read this. Some folks thought Alastor was saying it to hurt Vox (which is how Vox read it). Some folks thought it was true (how Alastor intended it). Some folks thought Alastor was trying to fit into the mold that he thought Vox wanted from him (how I intended it). All of them make sense as readings! >:)

[rosemariad]

Supernatural season 14

Oh boy!

So Alt-Michael has taken over Dean’s body and absconded to parts unknown - what an unprecedented plot twist who could’ve possibly seen this coming, certainly not Dean, the one guy who doesn’t trust angels and has a history of being short-sighted & making shitty deals.

Since this is season 14, and there’s only 1 more season after this, I presume Dean will never grow out of these bad qualities 🤦🏾‍♀️, so…moving on.

Check you out Sam, leading your new band of hunters, like some sort of Hunters Incorporated©️. I’m glad Sam gets to spend more time with his mom, but he won’t let her take care of him 😔😭

Was it me or did that Michael & Anael scene feel like Jensen x Danneel role play 🤣 - at least when he caressed her face. Like really bro? I don’t think the scene would’ve played out that way if the actors weren’t actual husband and wife 🤣

Shoutout to Supernatural for keeping Mark Pellegrino employed lol 😂😂 cuz I don’t see Why the fuck he’s still around if the devil is supposedly dead - wasn’t Mark P. also doing 13 reasons why around this time?? Anywho, Nick, luci’s longtime vessel, isn’t dead???? What does Nick have that jimmy novak didn’t (or literally any other angel vessel for that matter) — plot convenience? That must be it 🤣🤣🤣

Cas honey, why are you letting these demons beat you up? Cuz Dean is gone on your watch? cuz im sorry there’s no way im believing Cas was weaker than all them demons. That’s also plot convenience IDGAF!

After yet another demon-hunter showdown, Mary and Bobby are spotted sharing a beer & flirting…I wish John were around to see this AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh Jack, poor guy feels worthless for having no power. He should’ve been like ‘Castiel what’s it like being worthless?’ since that was Castiel’s arc for a minute too, which again fuck Supernatural for. Cas had like 1 badass moment last season when he fried Donatello’s brains but that’s it. Meanwhile Nick totally called Cas out, bringing up Jimmy again and driving that guilt straight into Castiel.

Alt-Michael is recruiting?? Brief Dean cameo in 14x02, you give him like 2 lines, wow 😒. Even Sam got more screen time in 5x22 swan song…but Dean suddenly comes back at the end of the episode???? Nah, bullshit!

Also lol karma for Dean in 14x02 when Jack is like, ‘Dean doesn’t matter’, Michael has to be stopped. Ahahahahahahaha. He was the so called pragmatist when it came to Jack, now it’s Jack’s turn. Castiel’s face when jack said it tho…

Dean got stabbed by AU Kaia? What?? Oh look yet another instance of Dean running away from his problems and pain and being a dick to Kaia (though she's technically a different person) again! Good for you tho AU Kaia for giving Dean a taste of his own medicine and telling him off.

Bobby leave Sam alone, I’m here for his captain my captain era. The lovable giant is doing his best!

So some necromancer gets away from Jack & Dean but we’re not gonna see her again, right??? There’s just a little over 30 episodes left in the show at this point. They probably didn’t know that at the time though.

Shoutout to the devil for basically condemning his child to die from a lack of grace :/ while Cas was able to survive (cuz plot convenience most likely) Jack as a nephilim was unable to do so. Gabe’s spare angel grace couldn’t help (I wonder if he were still alive in canon, if it would’ve made a difference. Oh well).

So this is where Cas made the deal with the empty (yes I know about it, how doesn’t everyone that shit went viral the very night it originally aired amidst the infamous nail-biting 2020 election week), tumblr is still serving the memes to this day.

Cas doesn’t want the Winchesters to know cuz Dean 😭 idc, if I was Jack I would NOT keep that secret. Dean would know IMMEDIATELY.

I think more angels died, but heaven hasn’t fallen yet…right? They keep coming back to that. Hm…

Nick’s arc is…bleh. Pretty sure in his desperation he just brought Luci back from the empty…welp. I guess when you’re an archangel who was predestined by God to fight in a fateful epic battle against your big bro, you just get certain perks in the afterlife 😒

Sam doesn’t want Alt-Charlie to go when its like bro! She. Is. Not. Charlie!!! For fuck sake guys SMH, let her live her fucking life! God forbid she want to run away to fucking safety and not die bloody like her counterpart 🤬

Bobby and Mary run off to a cabin for weeks on end 😏😂 to recuperate, sure Mary 🤣

Garth is back! Working as a spy for the Winchesters, oh dear Lord no. I know he makes it to season 15 but maaaan I don't like this….

The nerve of Dean to challenge Alt-Kaia to either hand over the weapon or kill her. What if she just killed him? Also, can't they just replicate the weapon for their own uses? All they would need to do is ensure they're using the same materials Kaia did when she forged the weapon in her own world.

How many hits to the head is Sam supposed to fuckin' take? I feel like it's happened more in this season alone than the entire show so far? He should probably be dead at this point 🤣

Jack got taken, oh no! why didn't Michael kill him? To take him as a ward? Seriously? Whatever.

And it turns out the past episode was a long con to get Dean right where Alt-Michael wanted him. I know there was a catch to him letting Dean go in 14x02.

So Alt-Michael chose to trap Dean in…contentment? With Pamela Barnes? And they weren't even a couple, just friends. She called him out on something.

Why not have him be with a real girlfriend of his, like Lisa or even Cassie? I’m supposed to believe Dean's dream is an unsuccessful bar living out his days with a platonic lady friend??? Really??? Bullshit!

John returns for the final time to go back to 2003? Okay. His hair is cut and grayish. Lol so I’m gonna see that as John gained some weight (from food/drink or muscle training idc) and dyes his hair black but the root are grey and come out every so often 🤣 but yay JDM I wish you had been in more episodes! Oh well.

So no one’s gonna talk about:

a) Adam’s existence

b) Bobby X Mary or how Bobby essentially replaced john as the father/husband by getting involved with Mary AND being a surrogate father to Sam & Dean (with a clear preference to Dean but whatever)

I’d care more about Sam & John’s convo if we had more time with them together on screen. But it was nice to see them squash their beef.

Dean & John’s convo was faaaar too brief. But insightful to their relationship. John wanted dean to have a family, echoing his wishes for his eldest in season 1 in his convo w/ Sam.

But Dean was like I have a family 🥺 my emotions!

Back to the Michael bullshit – a fight with a gorgon fucked up his containment so he literally broke out of Dean's body and killed all the hunters who were conveniently at the bunker when they brought an unconscious Dean back there. Even poor unfortunate Maggie. For a second I thought Mary would be there since Maggie mentioned she was on her way back but no, he ended up possessing Rowena.

Then they bring the old angel torture device of disabling our heroes' ability to breathe, like in the season 5 premiere, making them blind (that's new) and making them hurt.

Jack gets his chance to take Michael down, and takes his grace??????

Oh Sam bby, it's not your fault. Those people were doomed no matter what. TBH I'm surprised they lasted this long. But cuz he's a Winchester and he was raised by Dean & they've rubbed off each other too much at this point (nobromo), he decides to focus on yet another case even when Dean himself isn't willing since big bro has pointed out they have done 3 cases back to back. They're not the young men they used to be lol.

Cas goes with Sam to a milkshake town and given his legendary levels of awkwardness he's immediately seen and called out for his inherent queerness by the townsfolk (in all senses of the word).

Aw Sam wants to stay, ofc he does. This town is simple and peaceful. He could use some of that. Too bad this place is making people's heads explode.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Ah subtle there Supernatural, making Jack, a Nephilim who's the offspring of the devil himself choose between angel and devil food cake 🤣 Dean why would you put him in that position?

Cas why you gotta be snitching on Sam to your boy bestie like that 🤣 – typical boyfriend tomfoolery

Oftentimes since Jack started in this show, he's felt like an intern and 14x16 is one of those times. They don't wanna bring jack along so they think to leave him alone doing chores. Good Lord.

Oh honey Sam you didn't have to tell the sheriff you're not FBI, just stick to the monster stuff. He knows what's up.

And Jack sweetie pie you don't need to impress those kids. He should be hanging out with kids his own age. Just Jack with a bunch of babies 🤣. So cute! My headcanon is that he can actually talk to them. At least then it wouldn't have ended with a stabbing. Thankfully he cleaned up his mess, even though the local kids are terrified of him. It’s a shame he doesn’t have friends. If only he was allowed to have Claire in his life.

They finally resolved the Nick storyline (I hope) by killing him off via Jack but Mary is not happy. She’s concerned. She’s been concerned about him the whole frickin episode since he sassed her as they tried setting up a game night with Dean.

It’s like these people keep forgetting what Jack is capable of.

He didn’t have to relish the kill though. On the other hand, it felt like Mary’s concern was a bit much — if it were me I would’ve kept my mouth shut as to not upset a powerful fledging being into killing me by accident.

So Mary dies…again.

This is also why we can’t have nice things. I know Dean’s never gonna let this shit go. Sure Cas has fucked up a bunch, but killing a direct blood relative of Dean’s…nope. That’s unforgivable. I know they’re not gonna let Dean kill off a kid but I know he’s NEVER ever gonna forget Jack’s role in Mary’s (second) demise.

Why couldn’t you leave the boy alone Mary?!?!?!!?!

The boys show up, did they not circle back to pick up their mother? Seriously? Goodness Lord. So depressing watching the brothers just assuming their mommy’s coming back 😭

Cas (cuz of course this shit went tits up while Daddy was away) calls Dean to get caught up on what happened the last episode and is concerned that the Winchesters left their mom alone with Jack. Then why did you leave him Cas? You could’ve taken him with you. Like it would’ve been better if one of the brothers was alone with Jack? Badasses they may be, but they would’ve ended up just like Mary let’s be honest. The only difference would’ve been whichever brother got got would’ve come back. Mary will not be getting that special treatment…

Jack is tripping out since he murdered his foster G-maw - ends up flying all over the world (so his soul is definitely gone? But if it were gone, would he even care about killing Mary? everyone’s trying to track him down IDK why he doesn’t just destroy the phone he has. We get flashes of Mary & Jack’s time together and technically I believe she spent the most time with him (at least in season 13)

They’re still giving Mark P work on this show making him the manifestation of Jack’s subconscious cuz the kill is driving Jack insane 😭🥺 He’s reacting so much like a little boy who knows he fucked up it that makes this so much sadder 😭 Jack’s being driven mad with grief.

Oh fuck they’re going to where she died. Oh fuck.

WTF is wrong with these people! He’s a fucking boy! A super power nuke of a boy, but still a fucking boy! Like the Winchesters never made a mistake! What about the nurse who got killed in 4x22 by Sam? All the people Dean slaughtered under the MoC, as a demon! That’s just off the top of my head! No but cuz they’re the fucking protagonists 😡🤬

Samuel Winchester you know manipulating this child Is 5 different kinds of fucked up!

Jack why did you call it an accident! Did you not want to use the words murder? Destroyed? Obliterated?

Dean you piece of shit, why are you lying to this boy!!!!!! You know Jack’s desperate to make peace with you, and you lead him to a grave he’s never supposed to escape?! Poor thing Jack was sooo scared!

Sam, the regret is gonna eat you alive! Sam, for fucks sake, SPEAK THE FUCK UP! You clearly got shit you wanna say, fucking say it!

Dean you’re surprised Jack’s going along with it?! Of course he’s gonna go along with it, he wants to please you, you shady, manipulative BASTARD!

That’s right Castiel stand up for Jack since nobody else is willing to!

Oh boy, the celestial boy is freaking out. Claustrophobia was kicking in, this shit ain’t gonna end well. It’s a dark day when a psychological manifestation of Satan is making sense more than everyone else.

I’m not surprised Jack got out though. That box was made for an archangel and he isn’t that. He’s a nephilim, technically a different entity, right? now, the Winchesters have a pissed off mega-powerful creature on their hands. Great job team 🤣

that’s right Jack, give them a piece of your fucking mind! Fuck ‘em up queen.

Oh shit! I’ve watched this part a dozen times on YouTube, the part where jack makes the whole world tell the truth no matter what! Donald trump is canonically Crowley’s bitch! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

All hail the stapler queen! Iconic!

And God reveals Himself, what grand timing! He says He came for Cas’s prayer (but Cas prayed to Him in season 6 too, no?) but then He states the real reason for His arrival — Jack.

Meanwhile Jack went to see his real G-maw, not a good plan Jackie boy. She’s put 2+2 together that her daughter Kelly is NOT ok and now Jack has to confess the truth. (Where’s the dad? Was the actor unavailable or dead at this point?)

Sam was outed to love Celine Dion (I love her too Sammy it’s ok, her songs are AMAZING! My favorite is it’s all coming back to me now, I crush that shit in karaoke.) Dean follows a mommy blog 🤣 of course he does, probably cuz he identifies with her more & loves that her life is so full of shit (like I said, he identifies with her).

God don’t sanction lying, the real God would never do such a thing. Isn’t it like the 6th commandment, thou shall not lie? Like dude, the fuck?!

And no, writing means telling stories that are often made up but it’s not meant to deceive anybody. But Hollywood on the other hand…yeesh.

Dean breaking Chuck’s guitar 🤣

Chuck saying ‘DON’T!’ Having Dean shook 🤣

Why are you asking them how things are, like you don’t know?! You’re omnipotent!

They canonically made the British queen a lizard? Damn. These old Americans (the writers) are dicks!

Finally Sam is speaking up! Thank God!

Dean stop blaming people, Jesus, it was an accident (Jack you phrased it sooooo poorly though)! shout out to Sam for taking it this so well cuz he’s been through too much this season alone. He lost a whole fucking army, then his mom after he got to know her this time! And the concussions! So many concussions.

Angry Cas is sooooo fucking hot 🥵 when he slammed that truck with his fist 😏

Awww the first thing he does when he sees Jack is hugs him. Jack needed that so bad!

The biggest travesty is we never got to see the SquirrelVerse!

When Sam asks if God is watching them — Sam do you even know what omnipresent means?!

It’s just like I said in season 11. God doesn’t owe anyone anything. But everyone owes Him everything. He gave everyone the freedom to choose, for better or worse. But this iteration of who God is seems to watch what people and creatures decide to do with their lives. He made the weapon to see who among Sam, Dean or Cas would take it and strike Jack down.

So ultimately when Dean tracks Jack down and Jack throws Cas into a tombstone and Sam is running dramatically to stop it, Dean ultimately decides not to kill Jack. But why though? He kept talking shit about how Jack needed to be dealt with, but when the moment comes, he won’t do it?! I mean I’m glad but it doesn’t really make sense?!

Was it the puppy eyes? Did Sam teach Jack that trick? But Jack closed his eyes at the last second???

Oh Dean, you’re such a fucking softie. That’s on you God. You made him softer than Mr. Pillsberry.

If anything, Dean is the step daddy. Cas is Daddy. And then there’s Uncle Sam 🤣

Sam is many things, but stupid is never one of them. Naïve maybe, trusting, desperate. But not stupid. And not crazy, this time 🤣

I will say what makes this story compelling is the fact that the Winchesters find themselves locked in a cycle of violence at the hands of their Creator, and they’re refusing to commit further acts of violence in effort to stop it all and rebel against their cruel, dispassionate maker. But they have no means to back it up…today.

Not the Burger King catchphrase🤣🤣🤣

Not Jack being…smote?

Not Dean being yeeted into another tombstone?

Sam, why did you think that was gonna work on God? He made the weapon. You really think He’d make something that could kill Himself? Nah bruh.

So we’ve approached the ending of the penultimate season. 20 more episodes to go! Ah!!!! I’m excited but also not since the ending is what I know (mildly).

Side note - Sam & Dean still don’t know about Castiel’s bargain with the Empty (kinda seems pointless since God killed Jack anyway…Cas basically fucked himself for nothing 🤦🏾‍♀️ [I know how it ends but yeah still])

It’s not about the destination though, it’s the journey (I keep telling myself that).

God said fuck y’all. Shouldn’t’ve poked the bear…now these poor innocent people gonna die like sheep to the slaughter. Y’all got a lot of cleaning up to do and with so little people to help you.

So did God undo all the killings the Winchesters did? Cuz damn….that’s 10+ years of work undone. In 1 moment.

They’re not getting out of the cycle anytime soon.

[hibiscussoupbowl]

Yk what ive already made all my statements abt the teen wolf movie on instagram but imma say it here

As much as i love and breath teen wolf, its not the perfect show which is fine bc recognizing that is what makes its good. The thing is the movie? Godawful. The one thing i can appreciate is that the movie had an opening and the graohic design was cool

My problems with it?

-the plotline being abt allison. I think alisson (is it allison or alisson?) Is a fine character especially in s3, however, you killed her off. That whole s3 ending was abt her dying and isaac leaves BECAUSE of allison dying. Now ur gonna reopen that plotline that was TIED OFF? Ur not even gonna get stiles or isaac back into play even tho theyre arguably the most important for that season. And ur not gonna tell us how s6 ended??? Even with a flashforward of 2 years??

-the fbombs. Im sorry, what? U make a show that doesnt use f bombs at all and u make it creepy and horror but when u make the movie thats r rated meaning u can go even harder... u use it on fbombs? Might i add in the worst way possible. "Darkness motherfucker" wow. It just sounds so cringey. Either use it once meaningfully or dont drop one at all. U managed to make s3 be creepy without it do it again

-why the absolute fuck was liam in japan. By the hour and a half mark that question wasnt explained and it never was. Him and this girl hikari (whos gr8 actually) are just in japan and i guess own a bar??? I dont even know what they are to eachother let alone how they ended up there. I only knew that they love eachother bc they say that in jpn but like still??? Is it a sibling ily or a were dating and ily?

-the actors. Im sorry but if ur gonna get all these actors like masons and parrish and malia and whoever but u give them like what one line? Mason had legit like 2 lines in that movie. And u dont even know how he beacme a police officer! He just is! And they dont even say anything abt corey??? U could easily get his actor i know he aint doin anything rn. Liam and hikari? Also have like 3 lines in the movie

-personal thing lol but not everyone looks good with a beard and a shaved head

-lydia and stiles. Just bc u coudnt get dylan obrien cuz hes like the most succesful does NOT mean u just break up the couple that u built for six. seasons. You couldve said literally anything you couldve said stiles was dealing with some fbi shit or another supernatural disaster. Lydia having the dream? Tragic but stiles wouldnt have cared bc he loves her and wouldve just wanted to be with her forever.

-how can u not tell us who elis mother is. We ALLLL wanna know who derek banged im sorry but he slept with the enemy like three times and with his history and family history everyone just wants to know who it was.

-dereks death. WHAT THE FUCK this man survived a *pipe* going thru his back for like 10 minutes and survived, got brutally slashed and survived and ur telling me he died by magical fire. Sure teen wolf sure.

-if ur gonna introduce a character like alec in the season finale, bring him into play somehow recast him idc but do smt. Even nolan! Someone !

-what was with the whole nogitsune temple thing?? It was so... not scary at all and it looked bad. Like idk it was just so kiddy. Like oh noooo we re trapped bc we re tied to a pole with rope -_-

-sorry but again why continue a plotline that has been tied off? And not continue with the one that was open ended when u cant even get the significant actors for the s3 plotline? Bring daniel sharman into play, medicis over he has the freetime.

-malia and scott breaking up is also stupid bc again they were "endgame" and they had no reason to break up other than the fact that allison was alive again and for plot reasons.

-harrison coming back was so stupid i was so glad they killed him off even tho i guess they never found his body. I was hoping

-are argent and melissa not dating anymore? Its been like 3 months since ive seen the movie so i dont rememeber that but if they arent, why are the writers/producers, whoever, so desperate to break up everything great they had goin at the end of the show.

The interesting parts of the movie were

-the intro

-elis backstory with his dad, except why would u hate derek its literally tyler hoechlin

-and scott having an animal clinic bc i think thats funny

[teddy-feathers]

i hate my aunt.

she made another comment on if i wanted to take more pills or if i wated to grow up and deal with shit.

she does not get that if i didnt have the pills id already be dead. this is not hypothetical. i have wrecked my car on purpose several times, I have too many knives and access to medication and im just smart enough to be a danger to myself. one day i took like a handfull of my actual medication because it was going to fucking help or the next handfull of pills i took wouldnt be to help. and you know what. it fucking helped.

and its not oh youre just reacting badly to stress. no. even when everything was fine id find ways to be stressed or miserable or apathetic. in fact when things were at their best i was often at my worst - and that was after i got back reconnected with family got past the shame started working with a therapist had a job was doing good... and i was still thinking of killing myself. still having days where funtioning was too much like being skinned alive. still being fucking at war with myself from being too up and too down at the same time. and i was doing good. everything was finally better and had been better for a while and i was actively or passively sabotaging that.

and you know what? if there was a possible way to bootstrap myself better, idve fucking found it by now. so being medicated is like actually good for me. and i know it is because when i forget to take my meds or like right now when im switching meds and im fucking miserable and struggling to even pretend to be a person. like im managing to maintain an illusion but its not my best work let me tell you.

that and my best fucking friend are the only reason i called my shrink to say "yeah i actually am not okay" after a week of fucking going "dying sounds nice right now" like honestly and truely if it werent for my best friend id just give up trying.

like i get it. im in a bad place right now and youre worried and you think you know best. but the second you said that snide fucking comment i basically stopped listening. im so fucking furious.

ill give you drug seeking behavior. ill give you taking the god damn easy way out. (she did not say this but you can understand why i think its implied from her fucking attitude)

like. god i want to tell her so bad to stop making comments about it, to just fucking forget im medicated if thats what it takes. because the next time she makes a comment about it that will be the end of the conversation. that is the boundary im setting. that will be the end of the conversation.

but i dont have the fucking balls to set boundries do i.

like. i am sick right now. mentally.

im glad my knives are mostly in the car. im glad my best friend expects me to get up in the morning and gibe her a hug before work. im less glad that i cant bring myself to do things i need to keep my life running but ive got some leeway and hopefully my meds will level me out soon enough that no actual issues arrise. im glad that i might get out of this without fucking up my life or whatever. im glad that this isnt a couple of years ago where suicide seemed like an actual option and i couldnt roll my eyes as i lay here and rot and go "Yeah whatever your being dramatic" and that i know and *can* get up and get fluids and food when im rotting so im not actively making myself worse while i want for it to pass.

i hate that i do have to wait for it to pass. that i feel like if i do certain things it will trigger my own personal apocalypse or breakdown or something. i hate that my thoughts are variations of "i wish i was dead"

but because of the medication, even not at the right level, im not going to drive off the side of the road to deal with my problems.

i hate myself yeah but i hate my aunt and her shitty ass comments.

[spoonfulofmilo]

Holy shit!?!?! Your alive!?!? Pookie i thought you had died/had life to deal with! (Which is basiclly the samething on this app) Like omg i actually kinda mourned you and your blog because i'm an impatient bitch like that. But im glad your alive darling and i hope whatever was keeping you has been resolved in the best way possible and with the best outcome!

awwww pookie, didn't realise y'all cared about me so much!

thanks for your concern. unfortunately, i am still alive

i think i honestly was half dead with the amount of shitty life I had to deal with, anyway, we're back and I'm looking forward to writing more fics for y'all :)

[beepykay]

a more positive thought abt my fusion experience though.

something i always felt horrible about was that i always felt like an outsider just, robbing a life away from the host(s) before me. The two previous hosts had carried us through the most difficult parts of teenagehood and for what? to recede into our headspace and never get to reap the benefits of surviving all this time? to never get to see the future they’d been fighting so hard to live for all this time? and just for some jackass like me, whod never felt a deep connection with this body or this life to take over and end up dealing with a future I didn’t even build? to live in the sweet afterparty while never having to experience some of the terrible shit we’ve been through? I always thought it was unfair. but fusing with them has given me so much solace because ik that even if they no longer exist separately of me, they now live within me and can see the future that they helped carve through our hardships. im just really really glad.

even though my life is more difficult, having to remember a lot of the hardships the hosts before me went through, having to carry with the guilt and the traumas and the regrets they have—i can really only be happy as i now feel much more whole and alive than I did before. this is my life, im going to move into the future and blaze a trail for us, just like they did before no matter how hard things got. and im so happy to be carrying them and their memories and their little quirks and bits of personality with me as we move into adulthood. im glad they get to reach the finish line.

[the-chaos-goose]

Vent ahead!

I. Really don’t trust my brain or my thoughts or my words or even some headmates rn. Ik one is… well she’s back to her roots (roots of heavy self harm and thinking that it only affects her). She can’t really be reasoned with in a way that matters and it’s. It’s not fun. But I’m trying

one other headmate is dormant after I think a pet death? Can’t remember

and honestly I’ve been stuck thinking my dreams are reality/connected to reality and it’s fucking me up bc I’m scared if I tell anyone they’ll just say “oh it’s not real” but. Like. That doesn’t help. I wish I could explain it but like. Trying to convince me it isn’t real never works. I go along and pretend I believe them, just to not argue, cuz that’s my instinct, but.. I still believe that if I sleep I’ll wake up in the dreams again and I’ll deal with the bullshit going on in them. And I’ll never escape. It’s a horrible feeling, not really a thought anymore. Just. A feeling. An awful one. That and I’ve been losing touch with explaining anything again and it’s killing me bc I’ll think I worded something perfectly and then I’ll just fall flat on my face ‘cuz nothing I verbally say makes sense. Then there’s the feeling of death every damn night when I’m left alone and I can’t handle that bc gods.. I think I’m dying EVERY night and idk how to ask someone to just. Stay awake until I fall asleep. Bc that’s too much to ask and I know that. I know that that’s a freak thing to ask but gods. Years of isolation really messed me up and I can’t sleep alone like that. Not with someone asleep either. They have to be awake until I’m asleep. Because that’s genuinely the only time I feel alive.

AND THEN there’s my dad. He’s been getting worse again and it’s made me wanna die. Bad. I haven’t had this severe suicidal ideation since I was like 8 (yes 8. Bad year. Whatever). I’m glad im absolutely shit at planning and I’m too scared of leaving my lovers to go through with it or else I would’ve been done-zos. That and my cats. And my great aunt. But the ideation is still there and it’s eating me apart tbh

There’s also my lungs. They’ve been getting bad. I mean BAD. like breathing is killing me in ways I can’t describe. I’ve been struggling with LAUGHING bc it’s been bad. I play it off as funny (it is, in a morbid manner tbh), but at the same time- gods on earth I feel like I’m disintegrating

there’s ALSO ALSO my drooling. It’s not that bad, especially not compared to everything else. But gods it’s just. Annoying :(. I don’t like having to wipe my mouth every chance I get bc I feel all wet. It’s yucky and I hate it. I get “yada yada self love” but I have sensory issues and a slight anxiety around anything “gross” so like. My drooling issue is genuinely upsetting in a more “this inconveniences me and I want it gone” rather than “I hate my body!!”

Also we relapsed and it’s been burning bc of our clothes and I just don’t wanna ask like “hey can I get some kinda large bandage” cuz I don’t wanna admit to self-harm.

idk. I’m sorry if you read this. I have to get it out, I have to be seen. I’m sorry.

[moodymeangirl]

I hadn't heard from my og bestie/sibling for over a month. last I heard they covid and was going out of my mind with worry. We live on different cities and for their own (usually legitimate) safety reasons they only call my off a private number and I can't contact them.

they email me last night. They mental breakdown, physical injury, no phone, serious ideation, thinking about taking themselves to ER/psych ward. they've been struggling w SI for months now.

next email sentence is basically 'I don't feel safe in our friendship. Lots of things about you make me feel uneasy.' I don't want you in my life. I don't want you to help me.

I made sure my email reply was not heartbroken like I am. I acknowledge hard to hear but glad they tell me. Im so sorry what they're struggling with. tell them please live directly and in other ways. say we love them and they're so important and intelligent and beautiful human being. leave evry possible door of help they could ask me for open. even if they do not want contact with me otherwise they can ask for assistance, I can use my phone for hospital stuff on their behalf, anything just please stay alive. I tell I am still committed to and helping their family members even if we aren't close. that ill follow their lead on what they want me do. I will respect all boundaries including if their path to alive and okay means im not their friend/family anymore.

say I love them many times.

I contact my close friends for support. I contact their physically nearby friend to ask him check in. he is not surprised they find me unsafe. he is seeing friend on Sunday anyway will check in then. beleives me they're vulnerable but isn't worried. he had number b4 phone break.

talk to other besties. find out they all had number/messaging. only me unsafe to have number. security reasons were not external they were me. its not safe for me to choose to contact them? we dont know. some of friends who had number were my firneds first and og bestie only knew them a little bit.

nobody else has silence for months on end. most everybody else knew struggle. covid had been over by the time they used it as reason to not come to therapy.

now am dealing with heart shatter. chosen sibling at most vulnerable and wants everyone else I love but not me. reality if they survive I lose best friend anyway. but all matters is they find way to live.

all doors open if they ask my help, respect and love at my door even if they hate me. they still family I will not abandon but I will respect heart shatter boundaries.

we have had doing therapy together. things were going well. had not fought for months before silence. had been working so hard bc they mean world to me and we trauma bonded af. while I worked on my shit they seems had made decision to leave friendship. never told me or counsellor. just said covid can't come. and never talked to me again till last night email:

my life in danger im hurt no phone SI, hospital maybe? don't come near me u danger u uncanny valley.

so I break break break

pain pain pain

just want them to live but can't do anything more helpless worthless sharp spiky girl inshallah Allah heals them gives them ease and good life and just life inshallah inshallah inshallah

[disjenyamembra]

long jenyapost. might que might delete idk honestly. its positive though

my last half a year has been pretty hard and to be honest so has my last year as whole. however, in the last few months ive been getting better and better and i feel like now is the best i have felt in a long time. i re read a lot of my older thoughts and the through line is clear. i feel like shit and i want to feel better. i know i will get better. and honestly, yeah, i did!

this is especially exciting to me because i feel really glad i managed to get into a stable state of mind in time for my birthday. my life seems so beautiful and full of joy. of course, i still struggle from time to time, i still have intrusive thoughts i have to deal with, but overall i feel so much more alive. in july i felt like i gave all i had to give (and did so like two months prior, essentially running on empty). it has been almost half a year now and i made a lot of wonderful memories in that time. i feel supported and loved. this summer i really struggled with identity diffusion and for a while i didnt even feel like i was a person at all. now i feel like myself and my enjoyment of the world feels truly my own. this autumn has been the warmest one i felt in years. i manage to look forward to tomorrow. i work on my art, i hang out with lovely ppl, i play games and listen to music. im even going to get a new synth soon!

life is so full of color

heres to another 24 years

[odysseys-blood]

I mean, and I didn't want to put this on the post cuz I know OP is making a simple post, a part of Trigun is that Vash changes? Like... Trigun follows what most stories should follow, Vash changes and therefore his outlook changes, he has a thesis and his antagonist has an antithesis and so on.

Like... if you put Trigun next to generic battle shonen like Naruto, One Piece, Dragon Ball and such of course that it will look a little bit off that Vash isn't in the right but on most stories, good and more complex stories, the protagonist isn't in the right or at least isn't fully right. Like, that's how stories work? Your protagonist can't just start screaming and bulldoze through things cuz they're right, they gotta eat shit and learn so they can grow.

alright i had to go looking bc i have no clue what half the posts on my blog are at any given moment bc i run on queue and live posts at the same time but r we talking abt this post?

i was reading it more as a relief tbh.

like im glad that vash is such a well written character and that you can understand almost off the bat that he's not in the right. i cant speak on most shounen bc being so real i really dont care for most shounen but it is silly how its so popular when a lot of conflicts can just be boiled down to "the good guys r always right and the bad guys are always wrong" so when a lot of the most popular stories are like that i think vash is such a breath of fresh air.

he knows saving everyone isn't liable to happen but you can't really fault him for trying bc the ideal would be to save everyone, esp in a place like no man's land. and even then he struggles with that himself because there are definitely times where he doesn't *want* to save everyone. there are times where he wants to shoot and for others to feel pain and loss but thats just part of going through the motions and feeling and being alive. honestly idk how many shounen even deal with that well instead of going "if you feel like xyz are you truly any different from *insert antagonist*"

[umbralundertaker]

yeah the writers don't really do a good job here, but thats for later when the soul thing reaches its meta twist, to spoil whats coming.

but yeah, the alphas are the worst when it comes to them interacting with the carapacians. part of this, to be fair to them, is due to the story not giving a shit about their session and the time up until the two groups meet. and to be completely fair to dirk, while he may be a social luddite with an obsession of controlling people like pawns, you know its understandable why the man who spent his entire life isolated and hunted in the apocalypse would tunnel vision )(ic instead of dealing with any of the other agents out to kill them.

and then we get to roxy. you know, for someone who's entire story in the post canon works is about understanding one's self, so much so that she tries to spread this idea to pretty much everyone he/she/they meet, including a minor bonus story character: holy fuck, roxy is the most reductive bitch alive.

IM GLAD YOU BROUGHT UP THE ROXY THING BC IT DIDNT MAKE ANY SENSE!!!!! Like the only, only reason she would ever act like that is because hussie didn't think she'd care about them. She certainly would, but since Hussie didn't care, she didn't care. It's infuriating...

And I know you didn't mention it, but Jade was weird too. Reading the parts of homestuck where it was emphasized how lonely she is confused me because like. She had the prospitans.