#Im Wide Awake Its Morning
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He says, "Death will give us back to God Just like the setting sun Is returned to the lonesome ocean"
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[system doc]
faq (mandatory reading)
commissions
some current interests
hermitcraft (especially s8) || empires smp (especially s1) || double life || giggs phasmo || team z/jits || legundo 100 day series || disco elysium || tmnt || the mountain goats || bright eyes || homestuck || sally face
ask us about our ocs
blogs and projects:
art blog: @esmp-i
system blog: @guyswhoexist
deiforms masterpost
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I’ve heard people say they’d give anything to hear their favorite songs for the first time again, but I think it’s even better to rediscover a song you once loved but forgot about, and fall back in love. This was my profound experience when I re-listened to “I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning,” but especially the song “Land Locked Blues.” Perhaps this is because it was the first song that ever really stood out to me, at seven or eight-years-old, strapped into a carseat in the back of my parents’ car. I was a kid, I couldn’t understand much of it—I didn’t know what a “liquid cure” was, or that America was at war with Iraq, or what makes a person need to run away—but it made an impression on me. Maybe then, it was only a vague awakening to the fact that growing up doesn't mean having everything figured out, or that there was some part of me where that permanent sense of restlessness and loneliness was already forming. Whatever it was that first stood out to me, from that moment on, the images conjured up by Conor's bleakly beautiful metaphors and poetry occupied some corner of my mind. But it would be years before I would hear the song again.
I was sixteen when I rediscovered Bright Eyes, and heard “Land Locked Blues” again for the first time since I was a kid. That day, I saw my life through two lenses, the first belonging to my childhood self, who was just learning about the world, and the other looking back on the years that had passed since then in light of the words of a songwriting prodigy who, perhaps, I was not so different from. “Land Locked Blues” is a song about searching—searching for a better time, a better place, a better life. It’s about cycling through people and ideas and versions of yourself only to find that you are still no happier than you were before. It is the feeling of helplessness that comes from loving and living in a world that at times seems evil. I was at a crossroads when I rediscovered this song; the paths that laid before me all seemed equally miserable, and I was desperate to flee from my life, my mistakes, and the person I had become. In 5 minutes and 48 seconds, Conor put words to the pain I had been building up over the course of my life.
Fast forward to today, and my love for Bright Eyes seems prophetic. My whole life I wanted to get out of Minnesota and the Midwest to somewhere more alive. But my every attempt to escape has only drawn me further in, and through a series of coincidences, I ended up moving to Omaha. Now I live in the same neighborhood where Bright Eyes got its start, where twenty years ago a Conor Oberst about my age wrote the songs which saved my life and taught me a bit about who I really am. At heart, I am a land locked Midwesterner, an old soul, a pacifist, a secret idealist, changing like the seasons, always trying to fill up all the empty space. If you're anything like that, I think you'll really like this song, too.
#bright eyes#conor oberst#indie music#folk music#favorite songs#favorite artists#im wide awake its morning#emo#music#music blog#omaha#2000s music#alternative music#indie rock#land locked blues#Spotify#music recommendation
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I have so many things i want to say about this pic.
#egon spengler#harold ramis#ghostbusters#im going insane#i think im ovulating#idk tho#helpppp#how is he so hot#i need to put the phone down#its 3 in the morning#i have school tomorrow#i need to go to bed#he's keeping me wide awake
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first I saw ai art in the j7 fb group (which I left immediately the moment I saw no one thought that's a problem) now ai fic?????? what the fucking fuck don't fucking ruin my fandom with your ai bullshit I just found this fandom
DO NOT READ AI FIC
#rambling tag#its very early in the morning#my brain is sleepy#but now im wide awake because of anger#seriously don't even fucking click the fic#just scroll pass it
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💔
#the sky speaks#okay ive had more time to process#GOD its been a day#i woke up to my parents shaking me awake in tears. ginny died overnight. we think something with her heart#a clot or a heart attack??#looks like it was quick and painless at least. better than the previous pets of mine that have passed. they were all drawn out and miserabl#im just still in so much shock. she was fine yesterday!!!! then this morning she's as stiff as a board in the dining room#she made a little nest for herself out of our mail pile? i think she knew she was dying. poor thing#she was only 10. i really thought i had another few years with her#lucy seems sad too. she slept in the same spot for hours today. shes usually bouncing off the walls#i think i want to get a memorial tattoo of her sometime. ive seen heart shaped locket ones that are cute? I'll think on it#when i first woke up i thought i was having a nightmare. my dad said hed never seen my eyes go so wide#it still doesnt feel real#im so fucking tired i keep breaking down sobbing for like. 30 seconds at a time and then continue going about my day
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The best most wonderful experience I've had was actually pretty recently at a convention. My friends and myself were walking down a hall to get somewhere in the convention center, and we get stopped by this older lady. I assumed that she was just going to ask us for directions as so many people already had that day. But instead she surprised me in the best way. My friends and I were all dressed as Good Omens characters (three Crowleys and an Aziraphale.) And this older lady stopped us and asks for our pictures. We're not too shy with our cosplay so naturally we agreed. As time goes on and we help her figure out her phone and how to take the pictures and share them with us, I can't help but notice her Star Trek uniform dress she's wearing. And I just suddenly had this really deep emotional feeling. This lady standing before us was probably one of the creators of fandom, this lady who stood here and told us she loves Good Omens so much and she really hopes they get together in the third season because she just loves them so much and they make her happy. This lady who was very sweet in her star trek dress. This lady who quite possibly could've been involved with the original Spirk shippers. And I know that's a big assumption to make...but my point is. You don't often see older people involved in fandoms, at least not in the same areas as younger people. And I think that's ridiculous, because seeing someone older who was enjoying herself and still loving fandom just gave me the happiest feeling in the world. And if she's out there, I just want to say thank you to that lady (and anyone else who's older and still involved in fandom) for being an example that you can grow up and still love fandoms. Thank you for attending that convention and asking for our pictures because seeing you there just made me so indescribably happy and honestly fandoms wouldn't be where they are today if it weren't for the people who got the ball rolling. So again. Thank you!
#fandom#star trek#good omens#convention stories#im sorry for gushing about this#but its 2:30 in the morning and im wide awake because all i can think about is that lady#am i crying?#absolutely not what would ever make you think such a thing#maybe a little bit#and i cant blame the alcohol cause i didnt have that much#thank you to older people in fanfom spaces#id love to meet and see more of you
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album covers that are always on my mind part two
#i feel like including all hail west texas is an unpopular choice but isn't that what west texas is???#a blank numbness that soothes you and calls you home???#I love the use of white space in talon of the hawk and yankee hotel foxtrot#and the mixed media effect of im wide awake its morning is so cozy#I LOVE ALBUMS
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woke up at like 7:10 in the morning on a saturday this is some bullshit
#waited a while to see if id fall back asleep but damn im really wide awake#what am i gonna do now 🧍♂️#i was hoping id sleep all morning so i could get up at noon and immediately start watching the aryniga finals lol#AND i went to bed at like 1:20am lollll#tbh its bright as fuck in my room rn for this time
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for the past few weeks i have not been able to sleep before 2am for the life of me and im not sure how to fix it
#its bad when i have to get up at 6 the next morning#and even when im only getting 4 hours of sleep im wide awake in bed the next night#h.txt
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ive been in a venom mood lately i keep telling myself maybe this is finally my sign to start reading comics again but then i just keep fucking falling asleep as soon as i get home
#literally only reason im even on tumblr rn is because i fell asleep at like 8pm. and woke up like an hour ago#so now im wide awake at almost 3am#i had so many plans for tonight but now i cant do them bc its 3am and not like. 10pm.#like i had only a 5 hour shift today for the first time in 4evar. and in the MORNING TOO. so i was like wow i actually have free time#but then sike. no i dont. bc i fucking slept through it. sighs#maybe i'll just start browsing marvel wiki again to get an idea of where to go#OR WAIT NO. its been so long since i read any comics i feel like i actually wanna get back into it by rereading !!!#let me go reread the asm issues for the tenth time. my beloved venom origin comics#brot posts#v posting#would u all believe its been over a year since i read a comic.#or wait no i was reading the lethal protector 2 issues earlier this year#but yknow they were one offs i mean i havent been consistently comic reading in my free time for over a year
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been getting really into happiness and bliss and learning to love recently
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okay so i started listening through fevers and mirrors. lifechanging shit
IT IS IT SOOOO IS
#this is so nice because it reminds me of when i first got fevers and mirrors cd and sent mika absoluteconceptofbeauty an ask about it :')#also yesterday u mentioned im wide awake its morning and i said i wanted to get it ! well guess what i found this afternoon at oxfam>:)#let me know ur thoughts!!!
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bright eyes era im afraid
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pokes my brain. what are we achieving here
#vent#the last few days?? i’ve just been sleeping like shit???#all my usual tricks are Failing to help#AND LIKE IM WIDE AWAKE SO FUCKING LATE#WHY AM I NOT TIRED RN ITS 4 IM RHE FUCKING MORNING!!!!!#im gonna Try sleeping#but my body for some reason is Insistent on not sleeping
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can i take you home?
luke hughes x reader || angst, fluff
request: “i like the idea of her best friend going to michigan/dating a former teammate of lukes so thats how luke and reader meet! i love angst and given that its lukes rookie year/she goes to college in another state, maybe they could be friends w benefits but both have strong feelings.”
author's note: i thought this request was so so cute so i kind of took it and ran. also kinda influenced by i miss you, im sorry by gracie abrams. this is also super long but i hope the ending is worth it. let me know if i should do more parts of this!
word count: 5.0k
-
Waking up to the sound of your best friend pounding on the guest bedroom door at 7am was not exactly the best way to start your day. But since you are staying the weekend in her student house that she shares with 5 other people, there are definitely unluckier ways you could have been awoken.
“Morning sleepy head!!! I'm so happy you're up!” your best friend Emma almost shouts as she barges in the room, after you very reluctantly told her she could come in. She immediately begins opening the curtains, and rummaging through her closet to find her outfit for the day.
In her haste she almost spills the two cups of coffee she had brought up from the kitchen as she sets them on the dresser beside the bed, her mug being almost completely empty anyway. You can tell by her enthusiasm and caffeine intake that she has been up for quite a long time before deciding to wake you up.
You groggily roll over and face away from the wide open curtains, not ready to face the day yet and really disappointed in yourself for choosing to drive up so late last night in the first place.
Of course you were happy to be able to visit your best friend, the two of you going to different schools making it incredibly hard to spend much time together anymore. But being back here brought back so many memories of the last time you visited. Both good and bad. And to be honest, all you could think about was him. From the very moment Emma invited you, he has been on your mind nonstop.
The way he made you feel so utterly adored when he brought you back to his room, how he spoke to you so gently and quietly the one morning when you were hungover, the time he spilled and called you ‘his’ while you were in bed together, and how much it seemed like it would last forever. It was all coming back so strongly.
“So, what are the plans for the day Little Miss Sunshine?” you sit up, reluctantly speaking your first words of the day after clearing your throat.
“Well! First I thought we'd go get bagels for breakfast from down the street, and then I think one of us may need a quick shower before we officially start our day…” Emma says with a hand on the side of her mouth, pretending to be saying a secret as she is side-eyeing you, and you just stare at her offendedly, “Aaand we are doing something tonight so maybe we should go shopping..” she says quickly and excitedly, clearly brushing past what exactly it is that we are doing tonight.
“Alright then.” you say as you check your phone for probably the 20th time in the 10 minutes you've been awake. And you can see Emma staring at you from the corner of your eye so you decide to throw your phone to the other side of the bed, getting up and ready to go. You knew she wasn't oblivious, but you did not want to acknowledge the look she was giving you right now, and honestly it did not seem necessary to bring anything up.
Besides, this weekend isn't even about him. Dylan's surprise birthday party is tomorrow and your best friend was so excited to be planning it with your help. She hadn't done anything this extravagant for her boyfriend before and she wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.
Obviously the last thing you would want to do is ruin this weekend for her, and your stupid feelings and non-relationship are included in that.
-
The walk to the bagel shop seemed awkwardly long as you were both not acknowledging the fact that your mind is very very distracted. It wasn't intentional. But feelings and places have such strong connections and the fact that things felt so unresolved was not helping. Everywhere you are here reminds you of him.
“How's your bagel?” Emma speaks up, finally breaking the silence on your walk home, thankfully giving you an opportunity to get out of your thoughts.
“Oh it's good! Thanks! I was super hungry…” you say, trying to muster up a believable enough reason for why you've been so off today.
You continue walking and shuffling your feet in silence and are about to return back to the house before Emma looks at you and sighs loudly.
So. Close. You are literally about to step onto the driveway of the house when she stops you.
“Ok can we just talk about it please? Because there is no way we are going to get through this entire weekend just ignoring it.” she says, stepping in front of you and blocking any sort of way for you to get out of this conversation.
“What are you talking about?” you say with a grumble and a sigh. Knowing she is going to get it out of you. Obviously she would.
“Luke.” Emma says deadpan, waiting for your response.
For some reason at this moment you wanted to cry just hearing his name. But you also wanted to yell. Your feelings were confusing and annoying and it upset you to even have to talk about it with someone, even though you knew you should.
“I don't know. I DON'T KNOW. I can't stop thinking about him, and everything is so confusing.” you whisper-yell at her in frustration.
It pained you to admit that you couldn't get him off your mind. You didn't realise how much you even liked him until having to admit that.
“He visited me during christmas… I mean, he did in the fall, but this time felt different.” You continue, “We slept together again. Everything felt like it was going so well…And now nothing.” you admit to her and wipe your face with your sleeves, angry at the tears that have fallen from your eyes.
“Has he called?” She asks warily.
“Once? Last week. It was short… but he sounded sad. He said he misses me. And he told me he really wanted to visit me. And I've texted him since then and no response.” you look down at your feet as you speak. It really shouldn't be this embarrassing to admit. It's not like you were in a relationship with him anyway.
“He's going to be here...tomorrow? I didn't know if you knew..” Emma says as she grabs your arm and slowly brings you close to her as you begin walking inside together and you nod your head in her direction.
You knew he would be here. Dylan is one of his best friends, obviously he isnt going to miss his 21st birthday. But with how things were currently going, it honestly made you wonder if Luke would even want you here. And what do his friends even know about you two? Has Luke said anything? So many questions are going through your head that it is almost making you dizzy.
-
The rest of the day is so much lighter after your earlier conversation. Emma is exponentially good at cheering people up, and maybe even to a fault, will always be on your side no matter what. But you appreciated it regardless.
You are currently finishing up putting on your makeup and getting ready to go out tonight, still very unaware of what the plan even is. But you didn't have much of a choice in the matter as Emma has picked out every aspect of your outfit tonight - down to the shoes, makeup, and jewellery.
Suddenly Emma gets a call from Dylan and runs into her bathroom to answer the phone, the music cutting out that was playing from her phone as she heads off, and silence filling the room.
You weren't intending to be eavesdropping, but you are able to hear muffled voices from the other side of the door and very hushed arguing that you couldn't quite make out. Making you curious as to what could possibly be going on tonight.
Emma saunters back into the room with hesitancy, her expression is scared and concerned at the same time as she is approaching you almost in slow-motion, saying nothing.
“What is it? Just spit it out.” you say, already knowing you are either about to hear the worst news of all time or the worst news of all time.
“Ok surprise! We're going out for sushi! Yay!” Emma says, obviously starting with the good news and you stay silent.
“And…Luke is coming out with us.” she continues, flinching at her own words as she plops herself on the bed across from you. You sit at her desk, makeup in hand, and cannot help but have an absolutely astonished look on your face.
Nothing is able to even leave your mouth as her words run through your mind again and again.
“I am so SO sorry.” She starts. “One of the guys accidentally told Dylan that Luke is in town and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise for tomorrow, so I told Dylan that Luke and I were trying to surprise him tonight for dinner. I didn't know what else to say. It was literally the first thing that came to my mind. I'm so sorry.” she continues, worried she has done irreparable damage on your friendship.
“You can kill me now.” Emma blurts out defeatedly, wanting to keep the surprise for tomorrow and not wanting all her efforts to be ruined the day before the party.
Obviously you love that girl, but very much did want to kill her in this moment.
“Does Luke know I'm going to be there?” you ask, brushing past everything else she has said.
“Dylan said he would tell him, yeah, but if you don't want to come please don't feel like you have to.” she says with a small smile, hoping you have some-what forgiven her.
“No, I'll still come.” you say quietly but matter-of-factly.
If Luke knew you were coming, it would be weird if you decided to stay home now because of it, and besides, what would you do here alone? Thinking of what he would be doing and wishing you could read his mind is all you can think of.
“OH? This is good! Ok! Dylan said he is picking us up in 20 minutes!” Emma states, suddenly very excitedly, hoping it will cheer you up to see that she is excited. And as you continue getting ready, nervous energy and anticipation fill your body.
-
Dylan shows up right on time, unfortunately for you, not giving you any extra time to sit and wallow in your feelings.
It was inevitable that you would be seeing Luke this weekend, but this quickly and under these conditions was not exactly ideal. You were hoping to at least be able to have a one-on-one conversation with him before being thrown into random get togethers where things have no chance but to be awkward.
The drive to dinner is surprisingly happy. Dylan seems so excited to be seeing his best friend again. He can't stop talking about the last time they saw each other and how long it has been. And Emma's laughter and giddy energy is helping you calm down and distract you just a little bit.
“The reservation is for 7pm so we might have to wait in the car for a few minutes.” Emma says, checking her phone as Dylan pulls up to the restaurant a bit early.
The dim lighting and intimate booths look extremely inviting as you peer inside the windows of the restaurant from the parking lot. You can't help but get distracted by watching people inside as Emma and Dylan talk from the front seats of the car and are cutely chatting to each other quietly.
“There's my boy!” Dylan yells out as he jumps out of the driver's seat, running up to give Luke a hug across the parking lot.
“Ready?” Emma looks back and asks you, reassuringly placing her hand on your knee and rubbing her thumb up and down a few times.
“Guess so…” you say with a fake smile as you grab your purse from beside you, and as you are about to leave the car, you see a tall figure standing right outside your door.
Only a little bit startled, you look up to see Luke as he opens your door for you and greets you with a tired smile. He is dressed nicely in black pants and a cream cable knit sweater, his hair curly and tousled up like always.
As you step out of the car he brings you into a tight hug, like he just couldn't wait to hold you again.
“I missed you…” Luke whispers so quietly into your ear that you almost couldn't hear him. He swiftly leaves a gentle kiss to the side of your head as he brings his hands just a bit lower down your back, “I’m sorry” he says quietly as he releases you.
As much as you want to reciprocate, you are so caught off guard by his words that you just stare up at him without a word.
“Alright let's go! I'm so hungry!” Dylan says, unaware of the tension, as he pats Luke's back and wraps an arm around him, walking in front of you and Emma and into the restaurant.
Emma is glancing at you as you walk together, waiting to hear from you what Luke said, but you decide to ignore it with a shrug and she looks away.
-
Dinner is filled with laughter and catching up with one another. Surprisingly it wasn't even half as awkward as you built it up to be. Dylan chatting away with Luke as you and Emma giggle across from each other about all the drama at your respective schools.
Having a couple of drinks throughout the night was definitely helping, but regardless of that, you felt good. Really good.
“Luke, how's the love life going for you? You got a girl in Jersey?” Dylan asks with a laugh as Emma had just bragged about her and Dylan going on 2 years of being together.
She shoots you a regretful look as she hits Dylan's side with her elbow, not as discreetly as she probably wanted to, and your face turns bright red.
Luke looks down at his lap and shakes his head with a chuckle, seemingly avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.
“No man, no girl in jersey.” Luke says lightly as he takes a drink of his beer before the two of you make eye contact and he glances down to your fidgety hands that are in your lap.
“My bad, my bad…” Dylan says with a laugh as he clears his throat and starts back to finishing the food on his plate, Emma quietly shushing her clueless boyfriend beside her.
Your nervous hands continue to pick at your cuticles and you look over to see Luke inching his hand closer beside yours on the booth bench. Looking up from your lap, you see him glancing back at you as he waits for your reaction before discreetly taking your hand in his under the table.
The feeling of his hand in yours is so comforting and familiar and immediately eases your anxiousness. But you still feel so conflicted.
Luke always knew how to comfort you and distract you from your thoughts when they were out of control. Especially during busy school semesters and many nights spent together with him keeping you company while you anxiously wrote papers and prepped for exams.
He seemed to be there for you when it felt like you had no one else. At least that's how it used to feel. Now things feel so complicated. Not knowing the status of your relationship surprisingly taking a much larger toll on your ability to act like friends than you would have ever thought.
“So! I've got the bill tonight guys. Happy birthday Dyl!” Emma blurts out as the waiter approaches the table, she leans over to give her boyfriend a loving kiss, comfortably filling the awkward silence that had just taken over the table not long before.
“Thank you baby! And hey! thanks guys for coming out tonight too.” Dylan smiles at the both of you as he lifts up his glass for a toast. You all clink your glasses, wishing him happy birthdays that follow big swigs of your almost empty alcoholic beverages.
Walking out of the restaurant, your mind fills with running thoughts. You wish you had spoken to Luke more tonight but it was hard to not make anything obvious. He seemed good, but still weirdly sad and you wanted to talk to him about it so badly. You wanted to talk to him about everything.
As you near Dylan's car you feel Luke's hand brush against yours and lightly hold your wrist, turning you around to face him.
“Can I take you home?” Luke shyly asks you as you all stand in the parking lot together. You mutter a “sure” under your breath with a nod, and he looks to Dylan and Emma for confirmation, both of them nodding in agreement before bringing you into tight hugs and saying goodbyes.
“Tell me everything that happens girly.” Emma runs back over to you and whispers into your ear as she hugs you goodbye once more, and all you can do is let out a small laugh in response to her teenage-esque behaviour.
-
After Dylan and Emma drive away, the short walk over to Luke’s car suddenly seems agonisingly long and your heart is racing in anticipation. Over anything else that happens tonight, you really wanted clarity. But of course, thoughts of the worst possible outcome ever sneak their way into your mind.
Luke opens the passenger side door for you and you climb into his car before he gently closes the door and walks to the other side. As he gets in, he begins to start the car before he looks over to you and pauses, the quiet becoming almost painful.
You didn't know what to say, and you didn't want to say the wrong thing. So, waiting for him to break the silence seemed to be your best bet.
“I know I should have thought of something to say…” He starts, and shuffles in his seat, slightly bending his right leg so he is facing you a little more.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped responding to you.” Luke continues, and you almost want to roll your eyes at his apology. It was so hard to be understanding when this felt like such a preventable situation on his part.
But you knew Luke. You knew when he was scared he got distant. You knew he was pulling back from you. You just didnt know why.
“Things have been so…weird…lately, and I just…I know I fucked up.” He confesses.
You didn't want to be reading between the lines anymore. You just wanted him to be honest with you about what he wants, and it frustrated you that he was being so vague.
“Luke, what do you want? Like, from me?” you ask innocently, but squint your eyes closed tightly as the words coming out of your mouth sound completely different from what you intended.
“Like, you told me we were friends. And obviously I was ok with that. But when you would visit me, we’d sleep together. And when you left it was like. I don't know…” you look down and pick at your fingers as you speak, looking up at him feeling like an almost impossible task.
“You told me you wanted to be friends.” Luke states, and gently grabs your hand. He holds it in his to stop you from destroying your fingers as you speak, which causes you to look up at him, thanking him silently, as he waits on your response.
“I said that because I knew how hard it would be for us to be so far away from each other.” you say strongly, feeling the sudden need to defend yourself.
“You know how important school is to me, and I know how important your career is to you. I don't want to distract you from what's important to you. I don't want to be the one that gets in the way of things, or be the reason why you're not as focused as you could be…as much as I want to be-” you begin to confess, but are quickly cut off.
“It's kinda too late for that…” Luke says with a chuckle as he tilts his head back against the headrest of his seat and looks out the front window, frustration still evidently seen on his face.
“What do you mean??” you ask, hoping he will elaborate a little more than he has been so far.
“You already distract me. I can't stop thinking about you. And it's obvious. In my game and everything too. Even Jack has noticed and he keeps asking me about you and I don't even know what to say. I can't shut him up. Cuz how am I supposed to tell him how I feel when I can't even tell you? Its actually really fuckin annoying.” he laughs as he explains, still looking ahead out the window instead of at you.
Luke has always sought to use humour and jokes in difficult situations, especially when it comes to his own feelings. He's clearly frustrated at himself and it hurts you to see him having such a hard time expressing himself.
“So why have you been so distant lately?! I’ve been really worried about you.” you say, suddenly feeling more confident in confronting him as he opens up to you.
“Cuz im scared im gonna fuck things up even more than I already have…” he says honestly as he turns his head to look at you again.
“I knew I should've said something from the moment we slept together the first time. I feel like I fucked up by keeping my mouth shut. It's been ruining my life to not just be honest with you.” he adds with a growl deep in his voice, anger at himself seeping through his words.
As he continues, you can't help but feel entranced by him in his current state, and suddenly you are very aware of how late at night it is becoming.
“It's my fault...” Luke says, and you desperately try to focus on his words and not his body.
But you can't help but think about how good his hands would feel on your body and how badly you want him to kiss you right here and now. You didn't care that you were still in the parking lot of a sushi restaurant. You didn't care that things were still so confusing and that this probably wasn't exactly the most ideal time to be feeling this way. You just felt like you needed him so badly.
“I've been treating you like shit lately. Regardless of us sleeping together, that should not change how I treat you. I've been a shitty friend to you, and I'm really really sorry.” he continues, and you are brought out of your trance.
His words hit you so hard. You both unknowingly made this relationship so complicated and weren't even aware of it. You knew Luke was not perfect, but for some reason you expected him to be able to read your mind, and vice versa. Even after being the one to say you should stay friends, you were silently upset that nothing was happening in the way you wanted.
“Luke, it's ok. Both of us have not been entirely honest with each other lately and it's made everything so… fucked up. We’re just… in a weird spot.” you say, hoping your words make any sense considering you zoned out for half of his apology.
“Can I just say that I want to be able to fix this?” Luke says as he places his hand on your thigh, his fingers mindlessly getting higher and higher as he rubs slowly back and forth. Trying his best to soothe you and unknowingly turning you on even more.
“It isn't just on you to fix.” you say as you place your hand softly over his, stopping his movement on your leg as to not let it overly distract you.
“Yes it is. I let you down. I fucked up by being so fucking…distant. I should've been more clear about what I want…that I want you..” Luke admits, giving into what he has wanted to say from the moment you got into the car together.
His eyes are fixed on yours and it makes your heart flutter in your chest. Hearing him so confidently confess how he is feeling after so long is such a relief. It makes you want to just tell him you love him right here and now.
“I know things are complicated…but, I really don't want to not have you in my life…” Luke adds as tears begin to well in his eyes, catching you both off guard.
“Oh Lukey.” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, your heart melting at the sight of him.
Luke places his hands on your wrists, pulling them away from his face as he finally leans into you.
His lips hit yours with an intensity that you have never felt before from him. His hands move away from yours, and to the base of your neck, gently pulling you closer into him as he deepens the kiss.
Your eyes are glued shut as you are entranced by his lips finally being connected with yours as his tongue dances around in your mouth.
Needing to have your hands on him, you reach up to brush his face with your thumbs and then begin gently tugging at the curls at the nape of his neck, causing him to lustfully groan deep into your mouth. Your mind is filled with excitement and intensity as the moment grows in mutual desire.
“I needed you baby.” You say rushedly, disconnecting with him for only a moment.
Luke smiles against your lips as you connect again, and he places his left hand on your hip, massaging his fingers into your side. You lift yourself lightly onto the centre-console, desperate to be as close to him as you can get, and he lowers his hand just below your ass to help support you.
Although being in the close quarters of Luke's car while having such a monumental conversation about your relationship was not quite ideal, you were so thankful for it at this moment.
“I needed you too.” Luke says after coming up for air, and you just stare at him with a dizzy smile, your head reeling with arousal.
He pecks your lips a few times before lowering his head to your collarbone, gently kissing your neck and leaving red marks where he most definitely has before.
Your giggles fill the car as he continues expeditiously exploring your body, wanting to savour every moment of your presence and relishing in the way he is pleasing you.
Luke looks up at you with a smile before his eyebrows furrow and he is distracted by something behind you, causing you to whip your head around to look out your window, immensely alarmed at his expression.
Luke lightly lets go of you, allowing you to sit properly in your seat and as your eyes focus on the window, the sight of a kind-looking restaurant hostess tapping on the glass outside of your door almost sends you reeling into a panic.
Luke quickly reassures you with a laugh, placing his hand on your arm and starting the car before beginning to roll your window down for them to speak.
“I am so sorry if I startled you, but our restaurant has closed, which means we can no longer allow you to park here, as free parking ends at midnight.” the hostess explains politely while pointing to the sign posted on the brick wall just in front of Luke's car.
“Thanks Ma’am. We’re so s-sorry.” Luke pauses to hide his face, clearly hiding that he is about to break into laughter.
“We’ll leave right aw-” Luke laughs out, hardly able to finish his sentence before being sent into a fit of silent laughter.
“We’re so sorry. Have a good night!” you say more seriously, trying to make up for the completely unserious boy beside you.
“Goodnight guys!” the hostess says as she walks away, leaving you completely embarrassed and also scared half to death.
Luke continues dying of laughter and is hunched over the steering wheel as you punch his arm repeatedly to get his attention.
“That was awful! Why are you laughing so hard!” you say unimpressed, but still unable to hold back laughter of your own after seeing him look up at you with tears in his eyes.
“Fuck. I can't get over your face.” Luke says as he begins to come down a little, wiping the tears from his eyes. You just shake your head and begin to buckle your seatbelt, not taking any chances of having to be asked to leave once more.
“Fuck.” he says once more with a sigh, relaxing in his seat and looking over to you with a genuine smile before patting your thigh reassuringly.
You look to Luke expectantly and he stares back at you with a smirk before kissing your lips passionately, catching you off guard.
Your hands are drawn to his face as he nudges your chin with his, causing you to lean into him even further before he pulls away from you abruptly.
“Can I take you home?” Luke asks with lust in eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek, admiring every single feature on your face. His words having a different meaning to both of you than they have previously tonight.
“For real this time?? Because you know we cant sit in this parking lot any longer…” you say jokingly as Luke rolls his eyes at you and begins to put his seatbelt on.
“Yes, for real this time.” He retorts. His right hand eagerly finding yours as he interlocks your fingers with his, bringing your hand up to his lips to place a tender kiss before finally driving off.
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