#Ill expect him to dance in the rain now

[anidiotonloose]

So I was doing Ayaka’s quest…

And guess what? I came upon this.

Remember who just came out straight up dressed like a peacock?

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💀

[mxnhoo]

like it (h. hj)

"a no-label relationship, how thrilling can it be?" | cover preview ׂ╰➤ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft jay, jake and jungwon from enhypen, chan, seungmin, jisung, minho) genre angst, toxic relationship, reader has long hair, toxic LAWL, aruging crying kissing in the rain (we love to see it), reader enjoys photography w/c 17.2k warnings toxic relationships (ig), arguments, manipulative, aggressive kissing (gasp!), a lot of kissing (I HOPE I DID OKAY FOR THE KISSING SCENES), hyunjin is possessive, hyunjin invades reader's privacy, hyunjin takes things without permission, hickies, slightly suggestive ig?, occurrence where the reader gets harassed/assaulted physically, fighting, cheating, THERE IS MORE BUT ILL UPDATE WHEN I WAKE UP COS I JUST WANNA POST THIS ASAP, semi-proofread

a/n finally, the fic is out! it came out later than expected, and i apologise to yall for that. this is the first long fic i've ever written and ive learnt that long fics arent for me LOL. cringed so much writing this, i literally have a love-hate relationship with this, but i seriously hope yall enjoy this because i spent so much time on it. likes comments and reblogs are appreciated, and once again so sorry it took so long!

now playing i like it - stray kids

It was getting dark outside — the sun slowly setting, roads having slight traffic due to it being a little after peak hour, and your window blinds were closed, your living room being dimly lit from the lamp on the table and the ceiling light that was barely working.

"Don't tell me you're still going out with Jay?"

You finished tying your hair up in a ponytail before averting your gaze to Hyunjin, an expression of grimace on your face. He was resting on your couch, legs were in a manspread, his arms crossed and his head thrown back on the cushion. He returned the sour expression and all you could do was turn your head back to the mirror to touch up on your make-up, picking up the different brushes.

"Why can't I?" you retorted back, your annoyance towards him gradually growing as you start to dab the brush on your face, focusing on the small details. You two just had an argument moments before, a big reason was because you had plans with other males — well, just one, your best friend, Jay. You two also bickered about other small things, nitpicking each other’s small habits, and it all led to this.

"Because I'm here?" He sat up on the couch, his posture straightening as he locked his gaze onto you, his eyes showing fury as you remained unphased, putting down your brush and holding up your eyebrow pencil, drawing over your eyebrows. His sentiment sounded contemptuous, but this wasn't your first rodeo with him.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" you taunted, clearly not intimidated by him as you fully turned your body to face him. The corner of his mouth curled up, raising his eyebrows as he set himself up from the couch, walking towards you until he was in front of you. Considering you were seated, you had to tilt your neck upwards to maintain eye contact with him, your eyes showing no remorse towards him.

"What will I do?" He leaned forward, his face mere inches away from yours. On the outside, you remained nonchalant about it, but on the inside it felt like your heart was going to burst out. "What do you think I'm going to do?" he threw the question at you, and you could feel your heart skip a beat. The way you two were holding eye contact so intensely made your eyes linger over his lips, admiring how plump and captivating it looked, and it didn't go unnoticed.

He leaned in, smashing his lips onto yours with no warning and you gasped. He took the chance to slip his tongue inside your mouth, two of your muscles dancing strongly against each other with strong passion. You closed your eyes and your hands slowly wrapped around his neck. His hands cupped your jaw, manually tilting your head so he could gain more access to your mouth. The passion in the kiss was so evident and it fueled the fact that you both despise yet yearn for each other so much. You slowly felt as if you were running out of breath, so your hands snake down to his chest and you attempt to push him back, but your attempt is fruitless.

This only made him kiss you more aggressively, and this was a way of expressing his frustrations and jealousy to you, since you obviously didn't want to obey him. You gradually started to feel light-headed, and he finally pulled back from the kiss, his forehead resting on yours as he looked at you with the same fury in his eyes. You panted, desperate to catch your breath as you could physically feel your heart racing. His gaze averted to your lips and he chuckled at the sight of your red lipstick being smudged, bringing his fingers up to smudge your lipstick even more.

"Forget Jay, Y/N. How could you think about him when I'm right in front of you?" his eyes softened and he pleaded, causing a pang of guilt to hit your heart. You released a sigh, your hands falling back down to your sides as you leaned back from him, looking around the room to avoid eye contact with him. "I'll cancel, okay?" you muttered, feeling guilty for making Hyunjin feel that way, as well as for cancelling plans with Jay extremely last minute.

You and Jay originally had plans to go see a movie, and you had been looking forward to it for a week, but guess things just don't go accordingly sometimes.

Upon hearing that you'd cancel, his face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. He brought you into an embrace, his broad frame perfectly wrapping around yours as you nuzzled your face into his neck, enjoying his warmth. 

“Thank you, baby,” he mumbled, hugging you tighter and you shook your head.

“I’m still mad at you,” you replied and he only laughed it off.

You felt so complete with him, so many moments when you wanted to rip your hair out because of him but it always ended up like this. Always ended up in his arms, and no one else.

"You signed up too?!" you exclaimed, nearly choking on your food as you kept your focus on the boy in front of you. Jay lightly grinned at your reaction and nodded his head. Loud chatters fill the cafeteria as you stared at the boy in front of you with a wide grin. Bliss filled you as you processed that you wouldn't be alone in the photography club; it's always nice to have someone familiar around.

"I didn't know you were into photography too, Y/N!" he chuckled, taking a bite out of his sandwich afterwards and glancing at you. You were so excited to finally have a mate that you could talk about photography with. Even if he was your friend for a while, you never knew he had the same interest as you. You were experienced with it, having bought your own camera a little while ago and playing around with it whenever you had free time. Unfortunately,

"Yeah! I actually bought my own digital camera a while ago but I recently lost it.."

Jay pouted upon hearing the news, sharing the sorrow you felt when you first realised you had lost it. "But it's okay! They provide cameras in the club, don't they?" you added on, lightening up the mood.

Jay chuckled and nodded, admiring how you could quickly light the mood up. You took another bite of your meal, munching it down and took a sip of your chocolate milk from the plastic straw.

"Actually, I've already been in the club for a while, I could introduce you to a few of the members right now if you want?" he offered, and your eyes instantly lit up, your face leaning closer to his. "Seriously?! Right now?! You would do that?" you jubilantly expressed, feeling euphoria run through your veins. Jay gave you a small smile and nodded, and you stood up from your chair immediately, creating a loud dragging sound from your chair which caught the attention of a few others in the cafeteria, but you could care less.

"Let's go now then!" you exclaimed, taking Jay's wrist with your left hand and your right hand still holding your half-eaten burger. Jay looked surprised at your excitement, but went along with it regardless. He was more than happy to lead you to the club room. On the way you kept telling Jay about your experiences with photography, and he shared some of his experiences too, helping you to realise that Jay was really interesting as well.

"Well, here we are!" Jay stood in front of a door, glancing at you and realising you had the brightest expression on your face. He chuckled at the sight of you being so eager and he nodded at you, opening the door and gesturing for you to enter first. You slightly bowed and mumbled a small 'thank-you' before stepping in and realising how the room was filled with about 5 people. All of them were new faces, or so you thought.

"Hey guys, we have a new member!" Jay stepped in and closed the door after himself, glancing between at his club mates and at you, flashing you a welcoming smile. From the way he spoke, you could somewhat tell that he was already close with the members, and it reassured you since it would be easier for you to make friends through him. You looked at each person one by one, noticing how each of them were at their own individual spots and giving them a friendly smile until you looked at the last person.

Hyunjin.

And he was holding the camera you mentioned about, angled at the corner of the room closest to him. The one you had lost.

"Oh?" Hyunjin said, his tone sounding amused as he eyed you up and down. You looked at him with widened eyes, not expecting him to be here out of all people. You cleared your throat and averted your gaze away from him, feeling his eyes burn a hole on you from his intense gaze. It was true you and Hyunjin had something, but you two never revealed it in public.

"Do you know her, Hyunjin?" Jay questioned, your sudden awkward behaviour not going unnoticed. Hyunjin smirked and raised his hands up as if he were surrendering, "Who knows?". You bit your lip, feeling uncomfortable at this situation and feeling like anyone would be able to infer that you and Hyunjin had something, but your thoughts were interrupted by Jay's laugh.

"You're scaring the poor girl, at least be more welcoming," Jay laughed out and walked over to the side of a boy who had silky straight hair, his hair slightly over his eyebrows and partially covering his eyes, and a black hoodie nicely fitting over his torso. You formed eye contact with the boy and he flashed you a small smile, a dimple forming on one side of his cheeks.

"Y/N, this is Jungwon, the president" Jay gestured to Jungwon, and Jungwon slightly bowed down. "Hi Y/N! I remember seeing your name in the list; just didn't expect to be seeing you so soon!" he spoke, his voice sounding like honey. He extended his arm for a handshake, and you nervously walked towards him and took his hand, firmly shaking it. You were slightly taken aback to how casual Jay was with the president of the club.

"Hi Jungwon! Nice to meet you!" you greeted him. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, knowing very well that Hyunjin was watching your every move, and you were familiar with his outbursts after seeing you interact with other males. After the handshake with Jungwon, you quickly pulled your hand back and fidgeted with your fingers, already imagining the argument with Hyunjin in your head.

Jay helped to introduce to the rest, initiating friendly small-talk and helping you to getting to know the members. They were all pretty friendly and lovely people to get to know.

As you reached the last person, Hyunjin, you formed eye contact with him, biting your lip as the tension between the two of you became increasingly unbearable.

"Y/N, this is Hyunjin, and Hyunjin this is Y/N!" Jay introduced. You felt a lump in your throat, suddenly losing the ability to talk.

"Hello, Y/N. Nice meeting you," he extended his hand and flashed a smirk, his gaze on your hand and waiting for you to take his. You cleared your throat and nervously raised your hand up to take his hand until the loud school bell rang. While everyone else looked at the clock or at their wrists for the watch, you immediately pulled your hand down. Hyunjin watched you and slowly put his hand down.

While everybody else was distracted by the school bell and packing up their belongings to head to the next class, Hyunjin took the chance to lean to your ear and whisper, "Meet you after school".

You stumbled back, a shiver running down your spine and you were aggressively shaking your head and shooting a glare at him until he raised his occupied hand. The hand that was holding your camera.

"Unless you don't want this?" he mouthed, not voicing anything out.

You scoffed and scowled at him, giving him a single nod before turning your back on him to leave the classroom. Your eyes immediately met Jay's and you both started to converse while leaving, knowing that you two share the next class.

"Like Jay more than me?" he shot out, swinging the straps of your digital camera as he walked. You walked beside him, keeping your eyes on the camera to make sure he didn't accidentally drop it and he suddenly came to a halt, catching you off-guard and almost causing you to slip.

It was currently late evening, considering that your school ended later than usual today. You and Hyunjin were walking around in a more secluded area in the city that was still near the school, the place being dimly lit and fewer people being present.

Suddenly his body fully turned to yours, his hand lifting your chin up so you could look at him. Your eyes widened as you realised what he was doing, forming eye contact but remaining completely still.

"I asked you a question, darling."

You blinked your eyes at him in confusion, not realising that he had actually asked you a question after cautiously watching your camera that he was holding. You stuttered, "Huh? What? What question?".

"Do you like Jay more than me?" he questioned once more, his face darkening as he stared into your eyes and leaned closer. You gulped, wanting to jump off the earth as you immediately closed your eyes as the proximity increased. The weight of the question hung heavily in the air as the silence grew to be more unbearable. You slowly opened your eyes and were expecting to be met with an angry expression, but you are met with the opposite.

His eyes looked sad, and his eyebrows furrowed upwards. Your heart broke at his expression and you finally answered.

"No."

"Really?" his face lit up, his eyes blinking at you in elatedness. You were shocked to see that he wasn't angry or asking it repeatedly for reassurance but you weren't complaining. "Yeah. I like you more than Jay," you stated.

He flashed you a warm smile and cupped your cheeks, placing a soft kiss on your lips which caught you off-guard. It was almost a switch inside him flipped and he was happy all of a sudden. You felt as your heart started beating in a frantic rhythm, and blood started rushing to your face. You started to feel nervous and you flashed him an awkward smile, avoiding eye contact afterwards.

"Tell me more!" he leaned backwards, still looking at you. "Am I more handsome than him? More attractive?" he continued, clearly wanting your validation and you honestly found his jealousy adorable.

"Yes, you're more handsome than him, okay?" you reassured him, the warmth in your heart growing as your gaze went back to him. You took the time to notice his attire, his straight curtain hair parted into two different sections and a few strands of hair over his eyebrows. His looped silver earrings and necklace nicely complemented his skin tone, and his strong perfume filled the air.

He seemed overjoyed at your response, clearly wanting to hear more. "Am I the only guy in your life?".

Oh.

You blinked at him, slightly taken-aback to his sudden question. Was he the only guy in your life? I mean, technically yes, from how you two acted, but you two never.. had a label. You wanted to agree to his question, but you were reluctant. You answered back with a question, "Are you? You tell me."

He chuckled at your response before pecking your forehead and letting go of your face.

"Let's go."

You looked at him, feeling confused to where he meant but he took your wrist and started dragging you. "Where are we going?" you questioned, feeling genuinely clueless but he continued to drag you, not looking back to answer you.

"Nowhere."

You ended up in the subway with him, walking around the station as you both waited for the train to come. Your hand was interlocked with his, your arms swinging back and forth. There weren't a lot of people since it was starting to be late and the day after was still a weekday. You wanted to ask him so many things, like — when did he take your camera? When did he join the photography club? Since when did he actually know Jay?

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, breaking your train of thought and causing you to gain back consciousness and look back at him. He had a soft expression, sincerity evident in his voice as he softly grinned at you.

"I have a lot of questions about today."

"Oh yeah? Spit."

"You had my camera the entire time?" you shot out the first question that had been at the back of your head for the entire day after you saw him in the club room. You were happy that your camera was with someone you knew, but you were confused about how he even got it. Sad too, that he practically stole it from you.

"Yeah. Took it while you weren't looking when I came over," he confessed, his tone showing no guilt or remorse. "So.. you deliberately took it without asking me?" "I guess so."

You weren't surprised, you were already used to this, just slightly upset that he didn't tell you first.

"But why?" you asked the part you've been eager to hear the most. "I wanted to make sure there weren't other guys."

'Is that so?' you thought to yourself.

"So did you find any other guys?" you asked. You knew you didn't have any photos of other guys in your camera, but you wanted to hear his response. "You're in the clear," he tilted his head upwards, giving you a downwards smile and his hair fell down to his temples from his forehead. "Must be fun invading my privacy, huh?" you wried, but at the same time you felt thrilled at the thought that he was being possessive.

He simply laughed at your comment, feeling guilty about your statement. He asked, "Shoot more questions, bet 'ya have more".

"You were in the photography club?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You never asked."

Fair point.

You sighed at his comment, now realising that you don't know much about Hyunjin but it was a stark contrast when it came to Hyunjin's knowledge about you. It felt almost as if he knew everything about you, and it made you feel so vulnerable to him.

"You knew Jay?" you asked the final question.

Hyunjin hummed, indicating he was thinking before he nodded.

"You never told me you and him knew each other personally." "Once again.. you never aske—" "I know that, but you could've just said a simple 'Oh, him and I are club mates' or whatever."

You thought that Hyunjin only knew Jay because you brought up Jay multiple times and that you and him hung out in school. Jay and Hyunjin knowing each other personally was the last thing you expected, especially in a photography club.

"Well, now you know."

The train arrived, the sounds of the train railing in filling up the atmosphere in the train platform. You glanced at Hyunjin and he nodded, both of you walking at one of the doors where the train would open.

Both of you sat in the train, talking to each other and resting on each other. With your hand interlocked with his, his thumb slowly caressed yours and you felt at ease with him, forgetting about all of the relatioship's toxicity. Time passed by, both of you just sitting in the train accompanied by each other's presence as the train stopped at every stop, the cabins slowly emptying out as it became later.

There was endless chatter, laughter and bickering and before you realised, your train eventually reached the last station, the clock already striking past midnight. It was already time to go home since it was a school night, and you two had classes to attend to the following day.

Before you two parted ways, he spoke up, "Hey, about my question, what's your answer?". You flashed a perplexed look, trying to recall what question he had asked.

Oh, that question. You took a few seconds to think about it, feeling like your answer weighed heavily and required sincerity, possibly impacting whatever relationship you had with him.

Am I the only guy in your life?

"Yeah. You're the only guy."

Your response made him smile, and he took your hands into his, bringing you closer.

"It's the same for you, okay? You're the only girl in my life". Your heart melted at his words and you felt truly percepted. He continued while planting a kiss on your cheek "Goodnight, Y/N".

You watched as he walked away from you towards the opposite end of the station, entering the train which was practically desolated and your heart clenched as the doors watched, your eyes on him even as the train moves away. (You didn't want to admit it, but you were feeling upset that he wouldn't take you home, but you tried to brush the feeling away).

By the time you've reached home, it was already 3am. Upon opening your front door, you didn't even bother to turn on the lights, just heading straight to your room and flinging the door open. You felt exhausted, but recalling the quality time you spent with Hyunjin warmed your heart up (but a pinch of sadness because he didn't take you home).

You carelessly drop the bag onto the floor beside your table, a loud thump echoing through the room and you immediately shuffle your feet towards your bed, falling on it, your arms and legs widely spread as you stared at the ceiling, not even bothering to change your clothes first. Your room was completely dark, but the moonlight that entered through your window made certain areas in your room visible — though barely. Not only did you get to spend time with him, but knowing that your digital camera indeed didn't get lost assuaged your worries.

Wait.. Talking about your camera.. Did he even pass it back to you?

You immediately sat up, setting your feet on the floor before walking towards your light switch, making extra effort not to accidentally kick or trip over anything. Upon flicking the lightswitch, the sudden bright light caused you to flick your head downwards and shut your eyes. You slowly opened your eyelids as you gradually grew accustomed to the different lighting and you looked at the corner where you had placed your school bag when you reached home.

You quickly shuffled your feet towards your bag, unzipping the front pocket to see if there was anything, followed by the biggest pocket. Your anxiety grew as you slowly unzip, peeking your head into your bag. To your relief, your camera was resting nicely inside the big pocket on top of your school materials. You quickly snatched it out, inspecting the camera to ensure there were no scratches or dents, and luck was on your side because your camera was in perfect condition from the last time you saw it.

You released a sigh of relief and slouched your back, feeling as all the worry inside of you disappeared. You turned on your camera, wanting to quickly get the feeling of using your camera again after being so sure that you had lost it, and you wanted to quickly take a random shot.

Your bedroom could be considered neat. You were sitting beside the table that was at one corner with your laptop on it, a lamp and at the other side of the room was your bed, but your sheets were all ruffled up from a moment ago. You quickly shot your bedroom, hearing the camera click and a flash shooting through the room.

You pulled the camera away from your face, pressing a few buttons and quickly looking at the photo you took and smiled. You clicked buttons to see your other shots until you realised that there were photos that you don't recognise at all. And that's when you realise that Hyunjin has probably taken a few shots himself from when he deliberately stole your camera.

The first photo was a photo of.. you? And it was a shot of you talking to Jungwon and shaking his hand. This must've been when Jay brought you to the club room earlier.

Second, third, fourth shots were all him taking mirror selfies. There were more photos where he was intentionally making a stupid face and you giggled at his stupidity, your heart feeling warm that you had these photos for yourself, and you continued to click until you reached one photo.

It was a shot with the flashlight on, the photo slightly blurry. A girl could be seen raising her hand up to the camera, probably to block her face and as you inspected the photo more, you realised that there were purple marks visible down her jugular, causing you to gasp. You could physically feel your heart shatter as you continued to scan the photo, now zooming in and realising that the background of the photo seemed familiar.

You could make it out that it was Hyunjin's bedroom, and the girl was sitting up on the edge of his bed. Her hand had fully covered her face, leaving her identity unknown to you but all you could care about were the marks down on her neck.

You felt as nausea washed over you and your heart dropping. You knew that unless Hyunjin was a dickhead and shared your camera around, it had to be him who took that photo. You instantly turned off your camera and dropped it to the floor, not caring about the potential damages done to it and you just flicked the lightswitch to turn off the light. You threw yourself on the bed and nuzzled your face into your pillow, feeling as tears form in your eyes.

Tears slowly start to escape your eyes, feeling deeply betrayed by your discovery. The fact that that photo took a while to reach in your camera gallery just tells you that it's been a while since it's been in your camera, so how could Hyunjin treat you so nicely and restrict you from seeing other people when he goes out to meet people other than you? Heck, you didn't even have the thoughts to go down on Jay on the day you were supposed to go to the movies, but here Hyunjin was, marking others.

"'only girl in my life' my fucking ass, bro" you thought.

"Fuck you....." you mumbled weakly to yourself and your voice cracked as the image of Hyunjin's face appeared in your head when you closed your eyes. You whimpered, feeling as if the whole world just came crashing down and you continued to cry yourself to sleep until you eventually drifted into a deep sleep.

The bright sunlight crept into your room from your window without warning, and your eyes fluttered open as your nose felt congested and your eyes puffy. You groaned, feeling your body score and you rolled over to the other side of your bed where your phone was laying, and you checked the time.

11:28a.m.

You missed class, and typically you'd be panicking and immediately getting yourself ready for school, but not today. Today you were tired and you just needed the day to yourself — a day without school, interacting with people, and also a day without seeing Hyunjin. You picked up your phone from the nightstand and tried to turn it on, spamming the turn-on button repeatedly and realising that your phone was dead probably since you forgot to plug in your phone before going to sleep. That was probably why you didn't wake up, your alarm didn't even ring to wake you up —but it wasn't like you were going to get up anyways.

You sighed and turned to lay on your back, your arm resting on your forehead as you closed your eyes, recalling the reason you were even upset in the first place. It was such a lovely hangout with him last night and it felt as if you two became even closer, but now it felt like he was a completely different person to you.

Still holding your phone, you took a moment to reflect upon everything that has a moment and a bittersweet feeling ran through your veins. You sat up from your bed, looking around and still realising your digital camera on the floor. You set your feet on the floor and shuffled your feet towards the camera resting on the floor and picked it up, inspecting it for damages. Luckily for you it was still in perfect condition, but for now you just didn't want to use it — for now, you could only recall bad memories with it.

Walking to your table at the other corner of the room, you gently placed your camera down and plugged in your phone, seeing the charging screen. You released a heavy sigh and turned away from the devices, stretching your arms in the air and letting out a loud groan.

Did he take that photo intentionally? Were you not meant to see that photo? Would he message you and reassure you out of nowhere?

You slapped yourself for thinking about these questions. You didn't want to see him physically yet he was implanted in your mind, and it pissed you off.

Today, you were going to spend it on yourself. No one else, just you.

It was a nice day outside, beautiful even. The sun was out shining, the breeze brushing against your face and the streets being lightly occupied since the majority of the people were busy in school or work. You skipped down the street, feeling your hair blow as you smile at the different people you form eye contact with. Sometimes when other people return the smile it almost makes you forget how much your heart had been hurting. Keyword — almost. You look down at the pavement, releasing a loud sigh as the road beside you had cars driving past you at steady speeds.

You weren't just going anywhere, you were going to your comfort place. Your favourite cafe — Chronos Brews. You always bought the same pair of items, but maybe today you were going to get something different.

As you pushed the glass door open, the bells attached to the door chimed and while forming eye contact with the worker at the counter, you grinned at them. You strolled towards the counter and went face-to-face with the worker.

"Hey, what can I get for ya?" the male greeted, his Australian accent strong and your eyes shifted to his nametag that was hanging above his left chest pocket.

Sim Jaeyun.You have never seen him before, perhaps he was a new worker?

"Hey! Uhm.." you greeted and you trailed off, looking at the menu to search for something new. Once your eyes found an item you found interesting, you continued, “Could I get a New York cheesecake and a..” your voice trailed off as you eyes continued to scan the menu, “passion yoghurt smoothie?”. 

The male smiled at you and nodded, proceeding to press buttons on the cash register and looking up again afterwards. “That’ll be 11.90, cash or card?”

“Card.”

“Okay.” He smiled.

You sat on a vacant table, the cafe being emptier than usual since everyone else was at work or school. You never realised how calming it could be when you were in your favourite cafe with barely anyone else inside. Just you, the apparent new worker - Sim Jaeyun as well as another girl, sitting at one corner busied by her laptop. As you heard footsteps approaching you, you looked up and you were met with the worker holding up a glass cup containing yellow slush with a straw poking out, and a small plate which had your cheesecake accompanied by a mini fork. He set the food down on your table, and gave you a warm smile. 

“Good choice,” he suddenly spoke up, causing you to raise your eyebrows, “as in, your food choices. I like the passion yoghurt smoothie too.”

You smiled at him, “Just wanted to try something new today. I hope it’s good.”

“It will be, no worries,” he reassured, watching as you lean closer to the straw, sipping up with the drink. Your face immediately lit up, your eyebrows raising, your eyes slightly widening and a smile plastered onto your face, “You’re right, this is good”.

You continue to sip on the drink, the liquid level quickly dropping as he laughed at you. You lean back on your chair, and look at him again, “Say, I come here often but I’ve never seen you before”.

He quickly nodded his head, “Yup, just started a while ago. Usually take morning shifts, do you usually come in the afternoon?”.

You nodded your head, “Yeah I do. Makes sense why I’ve never seen you before”.

He suddenly raised one eyebrow, humming in thought. He asked, “No school or work? It’s a weekday morning” and you quickly shook your head. “I mean, I do still have school but.. Today’s my day.”

He nodded, understanding what you meant, “Well then, could I give you my number?”. You shot your gaze at him, caught off-guard by the sudden question and you raised your eyebrows. He continued, his face growing red as his eyes widened

“A-ah, not for any particular reason! You just kinda.. Seem cool, y’know? And if you need anyone to talk to..”. You laughed at him as you watched him aggressively shake his head and hands.

“Okay, sure, why not?” you giggled, handing your phone and watching as he nervously tapped his phone number, his hands slightly quivering.

After you got the new worker’s number, you left the cafe and went to different places, walking in a mall and buying things, walking in a park. It was a day out with yourself.

Must be fun, huh?

You came back home just a little bit before you ate dinner, and dropping all your bags from shopping, you immediately found your way to your room, picking up your phone and turning it on with high expectations. Your hope only crumbles when you realise that you do have notifications, but not from him. Not a single ‘Why didn’t you come to school today?’ or a ‘Are you okay?’ or if you were lucky, an ‘I’m sorry’.

Before you knew it, you were already grabbing your jacket from your closet, picking up your personal handbag from the floor and putting on your slippers, preparing to leave your house with one goal in mind - confronting Hyunjin.

He first wronged you by taking the photo of the girl, maybe it was intentional to make you jealous? Maybe it was unintentional, but you don’t know which one was first, but at this point you didn’t care. You were mad and wanted to hear it from himself, and if he wasn’t even going to reach out to you, you’re going to reach out to him first.

Standing in front of a door you’ve been in front of so many times, you anxiously knock on the wood, folding your arms as you wait for a response. Seconds felt like hours, and you felt the anxiety in you growing. Sweat rolled down your temples and you bit your lip, suddenly forgetting the words you rehearsed on the way to confront him when you actually saw him face to face.

Your head shoots up as you hear the door unlocking, watching as the door swiftly opens, revealing the man who has you wrapped around his finger. The man who puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, never once getting a break from how unpredictable he is. He looks bewildered at the sight of you, his eyebrows raising, eyes widening and his lips slightly parting, clearly speechless.

He takes a few seconds to process that you were right in front of you and finally breaks the silence, “Y/N? Why are you here?”.

You immediately frowned at his question.

Was he not going to ask how you were? Where were you instead of school? His words pricked your heart but you kept your head high, folding your arms as you lifted your head, “I saw the photo”. Features of confusion washed over him as he looked at you as if you were speaking alien language

“What phot-” “You have another girl you’re fucking with.”

His eyes immediately widened, blinking at you repetitively as he tried to find words to respond to you. “Y/N, what are you-”

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyun. I saw it in the photo in my own camera. A girl, on your bed, with hickies. You can’t tell me I’m hallucinating.” you emphasised ‘with hickies’, your chest finally feeling light as you finally let out the words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you saw that photo in the morning. 

You watch as he gives you a confused look, and it makes you feel stupid about yourself, almost doubting yourself.. “Y/N, do you seriously think of me like that?”.

“Hyun, don’t turn this around on me. I literally saw-” “Y/N,” he interrupted, his gaze softening as he tilts his neck, “you do remember I told you that you’re the only girl in my life, right?” “How the fuck is that relevant in this?!” you yelled. You quite literally couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

His shoulder relaxes, folding his arms, “I genuinely have no idea what photo you’re talking about. I did take photos on your camera, yes, but it was all photos of me, Y/N. Trust me, I never had a girl over, and if anything, the girl would only be you.”

“So you’re saying my eyes are lying to me?” “Yes. I genuinely have never taken any photos of girls, or even girls on my fucking bed. You know me Y/N, I only have eyes for you.”

“No Hyunjin, I literally saw-” “Y/N, please? I know this is serious but I’m really busy right now. Can’t you just forgive me?” He steps forward towards you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, his body now pressing against yours as he looks at you with a pleading expression. 

You want to pick up a fight against him. You want to stand your ground, and tell him that you know that what you saw was right. But the way he was pleading, the way his voice sounded so soft, the way he was looking at you so softly and holding you so gently, it made you think otherwise. You averted your gaze, suddenly having a pang of guilt hit you as you sucked the insides of your cheek, not daring to look at him.

“Look at me, please?” he used one of his hands to hold your chin and lift it up to meet your eyes. You looked back at him, your jaw tightened as the guilt grew. You notice how he eyes your lips and how he was gradually leaning closer and you shut your eyes, almost afraid for what was coming.

Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, however, the feeling was different. Typically, kisses with him would be intense, greedy and passionate, but this time it was slow and gentle. He was taking his own time as he slowly cupped your jaw to angle your head. His mouth moved slowly with yours, and you could feel yourself meaning.

As the kiss continued, you felt your anger for him slowly dissociate, your stomach being filled with butterflies and your chest feeling fuzzy as you finally wrap your arms around his neck to pull his face closer to yours. 

You had thoughts that you never wanted this to end, or that he was right, he would only pick you, but suddenly the image on your camera appears in your head again and it causes you to push him aggressively, breaking the kiss and his hold around you.

He looks at you flabbergasted, evidently bewildered as to why you suddenly pushed him away and you just spoke weakly, “We can’t do this..”. No matter how hard he tries, you know your eyes weren’t playing with you and that the photo was real, and you can’t kiss him or the greed for him and the pain would be worse.

“Hyunjin?” a high-pitched voice spoke out from behind Hyunjin, causing your heart to drop and your blood to go cold, already knowing what was about to come. As you averted your gaze from Hyunjin to the voice behind him, you saw it. You saw the girl in the camera, the same girl in your camera on Hyunjin’s bed with hickies all over her neck.

She had the same blonde straight hair, bangs that were slightly uneven and she was wearing an oversized shirt that you hated you recognised. It was a shirt you yourself wore multiple times.

You could now confirm that the girl was definitely in Hyunjin’s bed, and that all her hickies were definitely from Hyunjin herself. You were speechless, frozen, you were unable to do anything as your mouth remained agape, not being able to form words as your mind goes blank.

The silence between the 3 of you became extremely uncomfortable, and though no words were spoken, each second was like a knife piercing your heart and being twisted. 

You couldn't do this anymore. You can’t deal with this bullshit anymore. Without thinking, your palm swiped across Hyunjin’s cheek, a loud slap echoing the atmosphere as you scowled at Hyunjin.

You were done and you weren’t going to feel like you were just one of his toys he can use and throw away once he was bored. “Fuck you, Hyunjin,” was the last thing you said before you readjusted your bag on your shoulder and stormed away, not looking back. You could feel both of their gazes on you as you walked away, but you couldn’t care less, not wanting to face them again, or anymore. 

The only thing you could think about was Hyunjin and that girl. You were feeling so many emotions to the point it was overwhelming - humiliation, betrayal, anger. You felt so ashamed for actually believing that you were going to be the only girl in his life. So much for a relationship with no actual label, right?

Anger grew inside of you as you replayed the scene in your head repeatedly, wishing that you didn’t just slap him, but also yelled at him and put him in his place. Who was he to throw you around and treat you as if you were nothing? 

Fuck him. Fuck Hyunjin. He’s a fucking dickhead. 

You slowly tried to regulate your breathing, staring at the ceiling and occasionally shutting your eyelids as you tried to put your mind to something else. That girl can have him all she wants, and you were just done with him.

You needed to take your mind off of this, put yourself out there to forget about him, but what is there to do? Maybe you can hang out with a friend, listen to music, talk to new people, and what’s a good way to do all at once? A fun night at the club, of course.

Loud music plays through the speakers that surround the entire room, people being able to be spotted in every single corner, everyone having their different reasons for being there. Some want to hit up with others, some want to bond with their friends, some wanna have a drink, and some want to forget their miserable ex. In your case, it was all of the above.

You were walking past the crowd, trying to get past people and constantly angling your body to get through, and once you were finally at a corner with lesser people, you released a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. You were enthusiastic at the idea of going to the club, but now that you were actually here, the atmosphere was quite overwhelming.

There were people who were literally all over each other, making out with each other as if they weren’t surrounded by a hoard of people, people vomiting and drinking, and people who were just there to dance and vibe to the music. You took out your phone from your purse, nervously checked the chats with your friend and typed to ask them what they were.

Just as you sent a message, you felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump and immediately shoot your head at the person tapping your shoulder, and you release a sigh of relief once you realise it was your friend. Sim Jaeyun, the worker you met at the cafe a while ago. He nervously laughed and scratched his neck as he blinked at you, “This was the last thing I expected when you asked me to go out.”

You laugh at his comment, his presence being a sense of reassurance in an atmosphere of people you didn’t know. You smiled at him, “Is this your first time at a club?”.

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing his breath and blowing his fringe, “I mean, no, but the last time I was here I was just stuck to my friend ‘cause I had no idea what to do..”.

Your eyes lit up at his response, “Right! Like you have no clue how to dance, or if you should talk to someone new, y’know?”. You felt even more comforted that someone was exactly like you, clueless on what to do when you were in the club.

The club was famous for letting people forget their emotions, but you only felt like you confronted your feelings more in the club. He shook his head aggressively, snapping his fingers and pointing at you “Exactly that!”.

As time passes by, you and Jake start to get to know each other, like how he owns a pet dog named Layla and how he loves building legos. You also learnt that he came from Australia (which was kinda obvious from his accent) and that he’s a music-freak - he knows how to play so many instruments that you can’t even name all. You two had bought drinks and were sitting on a table, just chatting as you both got to know each other.

“Hey, I gotta go to the toilet real quick, yeah?”. You gave him a quick smile and nodded, watching him as he stood up and left for the toilet. You relaxed on your seat and sighed, feeling happy that you had a night to get to know someone new, and it felt like forever since you’ve done that considering how much Hyunjin had restricted you.

As you folded your arms and stared into blank space, you felt an arm wrap around you and you immediately flinched, trying to shift away but couldn’t. You turned and saw a man, probably in his late 20s and your stomach drops, suddenly freezing and being unable to do anything. You could tell that he didn't have good intentions, his smug smile telling you everything as he eyed you up and down.

“What’s a pretty babe doing alone in a club like this, hm?” the man said, his tone confident yet sounding so suffocating and your breath hitched, unable to form words as you just stared at the man. 

“Why do you seem so uncomfortable?” he laughed out loud and you nervously laughed, your eyes constantly blinking as you looked down to your feet, feeling so small as he pulled you closer, feeling his warmth against your body.

You wanted to push him away, you wanted to scream at him for touching you but for some reason you just couldn’t do anything. Your heart was rapidly beating as your breathing picked up the pace, anxiety starting to grow inside you as you got nervous about what the man would do to you. 

“Baby, do you like this?” he suddenly put his hand on your thigh, making you gasp and hold your breath. Tears were forming in your eyes as you bit your lip hard, not realising the cut that formed.

“S-stop..” you softly cried out.

“Why baby? Don’t you like it?” his hand slowly traced up your thigh, and you were regretting wearing a skirt to the club. You felt the tears break free from your eyes and you shut your eyes, not being able to fight back. That was until you heard a loud thud beside you and his arm on your thigh being hastily removed.

You shot your eyes open to see what happened and saw the man holding his face as he was forced to turn to you. You looked up further and saw Hyunjin, panting and his face full of fury as he held up his fist, his position as if he just punched the man.

“H-Hyunjn..” you weakly called out, and for a second his gaze softened as he looked at you but was quickly averted to the man. You suddenly forgot all your hatred for him when you saw him again.

“Get. Your fucking hands. Off of her.” Hyunjin commanded, his eyes full of rage as his jaw clenched and his fists shaking, his fingers white from how tightly he was clenching his hands.

The man simply turned his gaze back to Hyunjin, chuckling slowly as he looked at Hyunjin’s expression, scoffing at the sight in front of him, his hand touching the spot on his face that got punched. “And why should I?” the man taunted and leaned back to you, his arm remained wrapped around your shoulders and you stiffened up further.

Hyunjin smirked and cracked his neck, the sounds being loud “You better listen before things get fucking messy, old man, now get your hands off of her. I won’t repeat myself again.”

The man shook his head and laughed, “Look man, I’m not trying to-”.

And before you knew it, the man got punched again and you gasped at the sudden action, your hands flying to your mouth. You noticed how there was now blood flowing out of the man’s nose, and that Hyunjin was tilting his neck and pulling up his sleeves, his eyes almost looking psychotic as he rubbed his fists, his gaze fixated on the man and watching his every move.

You looked at the man and he looked like he lost his mind, his grin so wide and he started to laugh uncontrollably, his head slowly turned back to Hyunjin. His arm slithered away from you and he stood up from the chair, walking up to Hyunjin. “Do you fucking know who you’re messing with?” the man threatened, his head tilted and Hyunjin simply stared down at him. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin grabbed his collar and heatbutted him, “Look, I don’t give a fuck about who you are, you touch my girl again I’m fucking killing you, got it?”. You were afraid that a fight was going to break out, but the man simply pushed away, lifting his hands as if he was surrendering and he shook his head, “I got you man, no need to be so fucking sensitive”.

The man was about to pat Hyunjin’s back to form a truce but Hyunjin gripped his wrists tightly and only glared at him, his glare being enough to tell him to fuck off and the man simply went away, glancing once more at you before he disappeared into the crowd.

“Y/N” he called out to you, his eyes still being full of fury as you stared at him. Deep down, you still hated him, but given that he just saved you from that situation, all you could think about was how grateful you were to him, how much you wanted to go back to him, how much you wanted him again. You stood up from your seat and walked towards him, saying nothing and pulling him into a tight embrace.

Upon coming into contact with you, he froze but after a few seconds you could feel his hands rest on your back, slowly caressing you as you found comfort in his hands, almost wanting to burst out crying from the situation you just experienced.

“Sorry, is this your boyfriend?” a voice spoke out and you immediately pulled back from the hug to see Jaeyun. Your eyes immediately widen and you start laughing nervously, not knowing how to respond. Hyunjin stepped towards the guy, clearly feeling threatened, “And who could you be?”. 

You immediately step in, “Hyunjin, this is Jaeyun, Jaeyun this is Hyunjin”. You nervously smiled and scratched your neck. Jaeyun was smiling at Hyunjin while Hyunjin was glaring at him. You realised that you needed to thank Hyunjin, and also that you and him needed to have a talk.

“Ha..ha.. Jaeyun, let's meet again another time, thanks for tonight,” you said as you grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist and started to pull him out. You looked over your shoulder as you started to walk out, watching as Jake smiled and said his goodbyes.

Once you and Hyunjin were out of the club, you and him stood under a streetlight, and you were now face to face with him. As you looked at him, you noticed his stern expression still being present. “Who is he and where did you meet him?” he questioned, his tone evidently displeased.

You were taken aback by how pissed he sounded, your anger for him slowly returning and overpowering your gratitude for him, “Now why does that matter when you literally had a girl over just a while ago, huh?”.

Hyunjin groaned while running his hand through his hair, biting his lip, “Look, I know you might not believe me but I broke it off with her?”.

“And how am I supposed to know if you’re lying or not?!” you yelled.

“I swear this time. I kicked her out that very day you saw her, blocked her and even broke it off.” he said, his tone sounding serious but you had no idea if you should trust him or not. 

“Look, you’ve lied to me once and you can do it again, Hyunjin,” you stated, your heart aching.

“No, please, I understand why you’re mad at me, and I’m a fucking dick for it, Y/N, but please just trust me this one time,” he pleaded, his gaze softening as he took a step towards you, his hand moving upwards to hold you by the waist but you slapped his hand away.

“Hyunjin, trust me, I really want to trust you, but I don’t want to constantly get disappointed and hurt again,” you spat out, “Do you know how hurt I felt when you literally lied to my face and that girl just appeared right behind you?”.

“And do you know how angry I felt when I saw you with that guy?!” he snapped, causing you to flinch. He noticed and his gaze softened, “I-I’m sorry-”

“I don’t give a fuck Hyunjin, you hurt me so much, do you think I care if you’re angry?” your voice cracked and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes as you relive the pain you felt just a while ago.

“Please Y/N, give me another chance, I promise you I won’t hurt you again,” he pleaded, sounding desperate as he took another step closer, your bodies almost touching as he looked at you. 

He continued, “Don’t.. Walk away from me.. Don’t walk away from me.. please..?” 

You shook your head, biting your lip, “Hyunjin.. I really don’t know..”. He cupped your cheeks and his eyes softened as he saw your hurt expression. He caressed your cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes looking at your facial features. 

“I’ll do anything it takes to earn your forgiveness again, please?” he pleaded once more and all you could wish for was your heart to stop beating so fast so you could think straight.

“Okay,” you replied, but it came out as a raspy whisper. “Can I.. kiss you?” he questioned, his eyes already on your lips as he slowly started to lean closer to your face. You nodded your head, afraid that you were making the wrong choice, but your heart longed for this, your heart longed for him, and at this point you weren’t even thinking about the consequences.

As his lips finally landed on yours, you felt the tears break free from your eyes. He angled his head for more access to your mouth and your hands grabbed his shirt, slowly pulling him closer. The kiss was hesitant, Hyunjin probably afraid you would’ve pushed him away or reacted negatively, but once you responded, he released the breath he never realised he was holding in.

His mouth moved so tenderly against yours, mouths moving in a similar rhythm as he tries to show you how much he loves you without any words. His hands slowly slithered down to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer, feeling his warmth against you and you could slowly feel yourself losing to this kiss.You knew you’d only get hurt over and over again if you were with him, but being with him just feels so right. His lips complemented yours so well, and the way you both always ran back to each other just proves that the feeling was mutual. 

You felt yourself growing breathless so you tapped his chest, signalling to pull back but he interpreted it different and only kissed you harder, causing you to form a muffled whimper as he kisses you more passionately, his lips moving more vigorously and he ran his lip on your bottom lip, silently asking for entrance and you obey. Your head was feeling fuzzy as he continued, slipping his tongue into your mouth and your tongues fighting in a fiery battle for dominance. He finally pulled back, panting heavily as he rested his forehead on yours and stared into your eyes intensely.

“Tonight, stay with me, okay?” he pleaded, his eyes soft as he continued to pant, his lips agape. You nodded, your heart about to burst from how fast it was beating. You stared at him, noticing the bruised spot on his cheek from your slap and you caressed the spot lightly, feeling guilty for it

Few days after the incident at the club, you and he became close again, reverting back to your old non-labelled relationship, your kisses being more passionate and your greed for each other being increasingly evident.

Today, he wanted to have a game-night with his boys and also invite you over, wanting your presence around him even as he hung out with his friends.

Maybe he was improving, since back then he wouldn’t even want to bring you near his friends from the fear of them finding out that you two were a thing.

Maybe now that he was more open to his friends seeing you and him together, he was serious about you, and maybe he’d be asking you out soon. Who knows? 

Your heart flutters at the thought, thinking about all the different ways he would ask you out. Maybe he was going to do it while the other boys were around. Maybe another day, and he’d gift you a bouquet of flowers? Maybe a romantic dinner - the list goes on and on, but you just couldn’t wait to make it official with him.

Game night he said. His friends were sitting around you on the couch as 4 of them hold up Switch controllers, all of them yelling at each other as they stare intensely at the screen, trying to get the task in the game done.

In the room there was Chan, Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and of course, Hyunjin himself. Since there were only 4 controllers, everyone but you and Seungmin was playing, and you just awkwardly watched as they continuously shout random call-outs to each other. Seungmin was to your left, and Hyunjin was to your right, your legs in physical contact.

Being aware that Hyunjin was too occupied with the game, you looked at Seungmin who was attentively watching the screen, and feeling your gaze on him, he quickly looked back at you to form eye contact. He gave you a small grin and greeted you, “Hey Y/N”.

You knew Seungmin but never really talked to him even in class since he was always around other people. At other times, he was around Hyunjin, and you and Hyunjin never really talked publicly for.. many reasons, of course. This was the first time you actually had the opportunity to talk to him properly, and you mirrored the smile, greeting him back.

“Hey, Seungmin”.

You knew that even if he hung out with Hyunjin who could be a bad influence, Seungmin’s kind heart still remained, and your impression on him always remained positive from the times you see him in class. “How are you?” you questioned, feeling less awkward as you finally find someone to chat to while the others are busy with their game.

“Been okay, just been having my usual baseball practices, class been tough lately, you?”, he replied, the soft smile never leaving his face. You looked around the room and hummed like you were thinking and you shrugged, “Just been the same, I recently managed to find my lost camera so that’s great”. Upon saying that, you glanced at Hyunjin who was still chaotically playing his game, holding his fist up to cheer once they managed to finish their mission. 

“Is that so? Must be nice finding something you lost,” “I agree,” someone to your right voiced out, feeling an arm wrap around your shoulder as they pulled you closer. You looked to your right and made eye contact with Hyunjin, him giving you a smug expression as you glared at him since he was the culprit.

“Say, wanna play Y/N? I bought a new game earlier this week, I think it’s pretty fun” Hyunjin questioned, his smug expression never leaving his face as your eyes softened, and you slowly nodded your head, “Why not?”.

Next thing you knew, you were holding the console and chasing after Hyunjin in the game. Apparently, the game name was 'Cops N Robbers’, and you scream at him from all the tactics he uses to juke you. The game setting was in prison, and you were the cop while he was the robber. There were snickers from the other boys who were also playing, finding it hilarious how naive you were to games and how Hyunjin could easily trick you. 

“Y/N, don’t you think this reminds you of us?” He suddenly blurts out in the middle of his laughter. Still furious, trying to chase him, pressing the buttons aggressively “What the hell do you mean? Just get back here!”.

Hyunjin continued to laugh, “Like how you always chase me, y’know!”.

Your fingers stop moving on the console, taking the time to straighten your posture and look him in the eye. He sensed your gaze on him and he did the same, leaning back on the couch to give you his mischievous expression that you had a love-hate relationship with. Your face turned sour as you immediately understood his implication, and the corner of his mouth curved up while raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not one-sided, Hyun, it’s mutual,” you stated, your tone dead serious.

Hyunjin simply smiled, his eyes practically lighting up, “I know.”

You excused yourself after a while to use the restroom, needing a moment to yourself and as you finished washing your hands, you walked down the hallway and heard the other’s voices while wiping your damp hands on your shirt. You felt uneasy as you recalled the conversation you had earlier with him. ‘Like how you always chase me’  ‘I know’

So he knows that the two of you are after each other. Wouldn’t that mean that there is something special then? Maybe.. there is a need for establishment?

You stared into blank space, their voices gradually getting louder as you get closer, their words falling on deaf ears until you heard something that stood out to you. 

“Are you guys seriously not going to get together?”

You feel your body turn cold and you instantly halt to a stop. You stopped breathing as if they would be able to hear you, and you slowly shuffled your way closer to be able to hear their conversation better. You peeked into the living room, seeing the back of their heads while seated on a couch, still playing. 

You saw Seungmin avert his head to Hyunjin, “Yeah, seriously, the way y'all look at each other is insane.”

Seungmin wasn’t wrong. Your eyes then went to Hyunjin, though it was only the view of the back of his head, hopeful that his response would be something you wished for.

“Why do we need a label?”.

Oh. He continued, “Her and I are fine as we are now, we don’t need a label.”

Your heart dropped, shattered, sunk. His words were like a knife that just stabbed you in the heart, and it definitely was the opposite of the response you desired. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt, but maybe he was right. Maybe a label is not needed, maybe you were just too expectant.

You instantly turned your back and sprinted back to the toilet, not caring if you were making noise. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you were not about to cry. Not now.

The boys had probably noticed your presence from the sounds you made as you shut the toilet door shut, looking into the mirror and turning on the faucet to wash your face.

One half of you was telling you that you should stop hoping, while the other half was telling you to establish what the both of you were,, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Fuck it. You’ll ask him later. 

You stared at your own reflection on the mirror, the features of worry taking over as you bit your lip, praying for the best. If not, you were praying you’d be able to take his response well. You didn’t know which was scarier - losing him or yourself in the process.

“Hyunjin, don’t you think you’re too obsessed with that camera? It’s literally all you ever hold nowadays..” Seungmin grumbled, holding onto Hyunjin who was trying to pull his arm back. Seungmin pulled Hyunjin into the crowd of people, loud music blasting from the speakers that were placed at every corner of the place, people dancing and getting all over each other.

It was a sight that Hyunjin wasn’t unfamiliar with, but a sight that he wasn’t that uncomfortable with. The room was slightly dark, the disco lights flashing rainbow colours and Hyunjin sighed, wishing he was anywhere else but at the club. 

“Now why’d you drag me here again?” Hyunjin grumbled, looking around the room, probably finding something he could photograph. He brought the camera to his eyes, angling it around to find something that could be photographed, whether it was the crowds of people dancing, or the sofa area where people were getting messy with each other.

“You’re such a fucking loser, y’know? Stuck in your room all day, get a girlfriend for fucks sake,” Seungmin hissed, sick of his best friend having an image of a loser. 

“What’s the point? Relationships are so troublesome,” Hyunjin complained, still shifting his body to find anything to photograph until his camera is directly pointed to you, standing at one corner, talking  to one of your girl friends and he accidentally snapped a photo, the flash turning on and he immediately tried to cover the flash with his hand, bringing the camera down frantically.

“Who’re you taking a photo of?” Seungmin followed the direction that Hyunjin was looking at, his eyes landing on you laughing with your other girl friends and he sighs.

“No one, it was an accident,” Hyunjin spat out, clearly flustered that he almost took a photo of a stranger. 

“Are you interested in her?” Seungmin suddenly questioned, causing Hyunjin to choke on hair, putting his hand on his chest as he tried to stop coughing. Seungmin shook his head and patted his friend’s back, helping him to let all the air out.

“It’s okay to be interested. I’m kinda grateful you found something else other than your camera interesting for once,” Seungmin teased, watching Hyunjin recover and stand back straight.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Who is she?”. Seungmin smirked at his question, “That’s Y/N, she’s in the same class as me.”

“Is that so?” "Yeah, you like her?" Seungmin turned his neck to him, smirking at the boy. "Yeah."

After Hyunjin said goodbye to the boys at his apartment door, the sounds of the door closing and feet shuffling towards you could be heard. Your eyes were closed, head resting against the cushion of the couch as you folded your arms for extra warmth, and you felt a weight sink you down on the couch beside you. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you to lay on their shoulder and you inhaled a familiar scent, a scent that drove you crazy without fail.

You opened your eyes and looked up at Hyunjin who had his gaze locked onto you, his gaze dark as he scanned your features slowly. Your eyes, nose, lips, and he also studied your behaviour, noticing how you mirrored his actions and how your chest was rising up and down at a slow but steady pace.

His expression was unreadable - as usual, and the amount of thoughts that fill your head became overwhelming. No words were spoken, and you had no idea what was going to happen now that you and him were alone. So many questions you wanted to ask, and you were so afraid that if you said the wrong thing, he was going to slip away. 

“What are you thinking about?” he spat out, finally breaking the silence between the two of you.

You hum in thought, thinking about the right words while looking into his eyes, your eyes flickering to his lips every once in a while and you finally respond, “Us”. It took a lot of confidence for you to confess that, and you bit your lip anxiously, almost instantly regretting it as you thought about how he would react to it. 

The way your eyes constantly flickered to his lips didn’t go unnoticed, and the corner of his mouth curves up, his hands snaking down from around your shoulders to your waist,  bringing you to closer proximity as he leaned in, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”. 

His hot breath hits your lips, his eyelids halfway closed as you finally shoot the question that you’ve been dying to ask, “What are we?”.

In almost an instant, you could feel the mood of the atmosphere change. Hyunjin's breath hitched, leaning backwards and he looked at you, his expression still unreadable.

You loved how handsome he was, but you absolutely despised how you could never read him, never predict how he felt or what he was going to do next. Your eyes fell on his lips, watching how it was opening and you were anticipating his answer.

“It’s late, you should go home,” his tone shifted, sounding cold and distant. “What?” you looked at him, your eyes widened as you felt bewildered at his response. Is that even considered a response?

“You must be tired, let’s talk soon, yeah?” He moved back, removing his arm around your waist as he folded his arms, his gaze averting to the light above the two of you.

“Hyun-”

“I’m tired, Y/N, I can’t bring you home, sorry, I’m going to sleep now, goodnight.”

You watched as he stood up from the couch, the weight beside you disappearing. He was so evidently avoiding eye contact and he started to walk towards his room. Before he could step into his room, you stood up and blurted out, “I heard your conversation earlier!”.

He suddenly freezes, a few moments of silence before he turns around, his eyes finally meeting yours. “It’s not important, I don’t want to talk about it,” he firmly stated. This time, you could tell that he looked uncomfortable, angry even. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was sucking the insides of his cheeks, his jaw clenched.

This sight of him was like another knife added to your heart, and you bit your lip as you slowly nodded, “Okay.”

You didn’t know if it was appropriate, but you spoke up, “Goodnight, Hyun.”

You turned your back on him, picking all your things on the couch before pacing for the door, and as soon as you stepped outside, you slammed his front door shut. Once you were outside, you exhaled as if you were holding in a large amount of air and you leaned against the door, rethinking about what you just asked.

The thing you just asked may have just potentially ruined your entire relationship and you wanted to beat yourself up for it, wanting to turn back time and keep your mouth shut, but whatever’s been done is done, and you just have to wait and see what happens.

Before you knew it, it was the start of a period where he didn’t contact you. Like, at all.

Heck, he even avoided you like the plague. On campus whenever you’d see him, he’d notice you then turn the other away, pretending like he didn’t see you at all. You’d go to the photography club to see him more often and on days you were lucky, he was there, but he’d be occupied talking to someone else.

You’d patiently wait until he was finished conversing with the person but when he was done, he would find an excuse to leave as soon as possible. And every single time he did, he had this unpleasant expression on his face. It was the same one you saw the night you dropped the question on him, and you watched him slip away from you.

With Hyunjin practically gone from your life, you had more free time to hang out with Jay, but everytime you were with Jay on campus, you’d always catch Hyunjin staring at the two of you in your peripheral view, immediately looking away once eye contact was formed.

If you were going to be honest, you felt like shit. Were you seriously in the wrong for wanting to establish something? Wanting to make things official?

The first few days, you cried your eyes out, burying yourself in your blanket and feeling regretful for asking him in the first place. You constantly checked your phone for any notifications from him and reread your past chats to relive the past emotions. Once you even called him on accident, your face going cold but before you could drop the call, he had already rejected it.

Talk about brutal. 

When Hyunjn was gone from your life, your life became peaceful, but was it really peaceful when he intentionally did it without warning? You eventually accepted it, limiting the amount of times you open your chats with him and looking out for him in the hallways. 

3 weeks fly by, and you were so convinced that you’ve moved on from him - except you didn’t.

You tried finding the spark in other guys, like Jay, but your heart never melted for him the same way it did for Hyunjin. Your eyes never scanned the room for him like you did for Hyunjin, and you never checked your phone for his notifications like you did for Hyunjin. 

What made it worse was that even with Hyunjin avoiding you, he was always somehow around you. Always. 

In your favourite cafe whenever you were about to leave, you’d feel someone’s gaze on you and when you look up, you'd accidentally make eye contact with someone and it would've been him. He was definitely watching you the entire time you were there and you remained clueless about it.

Another time when you were eating lunch with Jay, you saw him at the corner of your eye, watching as he sucked his inner cheek and clenching his jaw. 

You felt so many emotions. You felt upset and humiliated because you realised you were being toyed with, longing because you missed his touch and also satisfaction from the way he seemed jealous whenever you were with someone else and that he was always watching you.

It was as if you won the game, having him wrapped around your fingers and following you around like a dog, watching your every move. No matter how much you were in love with him, you were satisfied that you were getting under his skin and getting a reaction out of it, you loved seeing him pissed. It was difficult, but it used up every muscle in you to not lose self-respect to contact him again, whether it was by approaching him in real life or texting him.

You were sitting in front of your mirror, the air conditioner on, windows shut and the room dimly lit as you do your skincare, your thoughts drifting to Hyunjin when you suddenly get a notification.

As you swiped up a fair amount of moisturiser from the container into your index and middle finger, you looked at the direction of where your phone was facing downwards and shrugged it off, thinking that the message can be attended to after your self-care session. You applied the cream on your face, ensuring that each area on your face had equal amounts of it when your phone ding-ed again.

And again.

You raised your eyebrows and rushed to spread the cream evenly on your face, curious to who could be messaging you at this time at night. You hurriedly wiped the remaining cream on your neck as you quickly picked your phone up. You were expecting a spam notification from one of those brands you forgot you subscribed to, or maybe a message from Jay or Jake, but it was one you were never expecting.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : hey im outside

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : open the door 

Your eyes widened as your head shot forward in disbelief. You didn’t know if he was joking and was about to just turn your phone off until another one came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : please

Next thing you know, you swung your apartment door open to reveal a Hyunjin who was panting, probably from running, his leather jacket wrapped around his wide figure and you eyed him up and down, not believing the sight in front of you. You knew that you were going to see him again, but you never expected it to be at his own accord. Your jaw dropped slightly, your eyes scanning his entire figure.

“I’m cold, can I please go inside?”

Still slightly confused, you nodded your head slowly and moved aside, gesturing for him to go inside and he gave you a small smile, stepping in and you closed the door as he entered. You watched as he removed his shoes and placed it at the rack at the spot he usually places it.

Without looking back, he stepped into your living room as if he hadn't ignored your existence for  3 whole weeks.

You quickly followed behind him, watching his every move. It almost felt unreal that Hyunjin himself was in your living room, walking around. He set himself down on your couch, a loud sigh leaving him and he pursed his lips, looking up at you. Eye contact with Hyunjin wasn’t new, but with the thing of him ghosting you, you almost thought you were dreaming. You stared at him with your mouth slightly agape, your eyes not blinking even once as he chuckled.

“Why.. are you here?” you finally mutter out the question that confused you the most.

“I missed you,” he replied with no hesitation.

You were taken aback at how easily he could just show up at your place out of nowhere and just admit he misses you after ghosting your entire existence for a long period of time. 

“What the fuck?” you blurted out, features of disgust taking over you.

“Look, I know I ignored you, okay? But-” “Yeah, you better have known you fucking did.”

He sighed, looking down and leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees and hands clamped together before continuing, “I just needed time. Time for myself.”

“For what exactly?” you shook your head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, my head was just.. Kinda all over the place,” there was a moment of silence before he continued, “I’m here because I want to make it up to you.”

“I’m not forgiving you so easily, Hyunjin. You threw me away too easily for 3 whole weeks.” “You’re counting?” “Of course I am, dipshit!” you shot and he only shook his head, a playful smile on his face indicating he wasn’t taking you seriously.

“I know it won’t be easy, but just give me another chance, hmm?” he pleaded, his eyes lighting up as he looked up at you, flashing a small pout. 

You cross your arms, biting your lip as your mind gets flooded with so many thoughts. You wanted to forgive him, but you were afraid he was going to throw you away again. You wanted to shut him out, but you feel empty without him. “You can’t just leave and expect me to accept you into my life so easily,” you shot, feeling overwhelmed that you had to make a decision.

He stared at you in silence, so many thoughts behind his eyes before he suddenly held his hand up, “Let’s go on a walk”.

You tilted your neck, “Are you crazy?!’. You turned your head to look at the clock hanging near you, “It’s literally past midnight, Hyunjin!”.

“I know,” he replied, with no emotions in his voice. “I’ll bring you to eat your favourite,” he added.

“It’s cold outside,” you gave another excuse. He immediately unzipped his jacket, discarding it from his body and offered it to you. You shook your head in disbelief, “I just can’t-”.

“Please? Pretty sure your favourite cafe is still open, and I know a few photography spots if you wanna bring your camera along,” he asked again, his words so tempting. You sighed, not believing what you were going to say next, “Fine”.

That night, he brought you out to Chronos Brews, treated you to anything you wanted and you two eventually started to talk again, though you had your guard up.

You brought your camera and he really did bring you to a few photography spots that were amazing despite it being night time. You did this once.

And twice.

Thrice.

A fourth time wouldn’t hurt right?

He was now the one frequently messaging you, double-texting (sometimes even triple) and calling you at night just to hear your voice, and facetime you just to see your face. He even brought you flowers on a random occasion and you two went to school together, frequently heading to the photography club to chill together afterwards and hanging out afterwards. It was like how it was before, but you saw him even more frequently and you had no idea if it was a good or bad thing. But as long as your heart feels happy, right?

Frequently when you were with him, you’ve always felt a bit scared that he would just slip away again, part of you thinking it was because you asked the question but you tried to brush it off, thinking that you were just overreacting and that you should just be happy with whatever you have now. 

Everything is so perfect now, why ruin it because of your overthinking?

You laid in his bed, his arms wrapped around you as he gently caressed and patted your back, his touch making you feel sleepy. The past few days have been amazing. Hyunjin was now doing everything that a boyfriend would do - bringing you more flowers, playing songs on his guitar for you, calling you every night just because he wanted to hear your voice and see your face, acting intimate with you even in the public eye.

He surely seemed more serious about you, wanting to show everyone that you belonged only to him, glaring and threatening anyone else who showed signs that they wanted to hit on you or even befriend you. You looked up at him, the way his eyes were closed and his bangs were covering his eyebrows, looking so peaceful.

You could tell that he was gradually falling asleep from how his hand movements got slower and weaker, and you only stared at his features, softly giggling to yourself about how cute he looked. His chest rose up and down slowly, his body completely relaxed with you in his arms and you could only wish that you and him could stay like this forever.

Sitting on his couch, your eyes were glued to his bare back as he stood at his kitchen sink, washing the dishes after you and him had eaten dinner together. You softly smiled, feeling comforted by his presence, finally feeling like he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Hyun,” you softly called out, and he hummed in response, his head slightly turning over his shoulder as he continued to wash the dishes.

“Come here, quick,” you pleaded, wanted to feel his warmth again and he chuckles, nodding his head but not sparing a glance at you. You observed as he finished washing the dishes, placing the plates on the drying rack and washing his hands before he turned his back, eyes forming eye contact and he approached you with a small grin on his face.

He sat himself beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to his chest, “Miss me that much?”. You giggled and nodded your head, ruffling your head into his neck. 

“Hyun,” you softly called out, your heart starting to beat faster as you mustered up courage to shoot the question again.

You continued, “Can I ask you a question?”. He hummed, caressing your shoulder with his thumb, and you shot your gaze at him, looking at him with doe eyes. 

“What is it, Y/N?” he smiled down at you, his eyes filled with affection. Looking at how comfortable he was, it warmed up your heart and made your chest feel fuzzy, butterflies filling your stomach and you couldn’t help but feel that your feelings were being properly reciprocated. 

“Promise me you won’t get mad?” you asked, suddenly feeling hesitant. You had faith that he wouldn’t get angry anymore from how much the two of you have been bonding the past few weeks, but you still felt dubious since you remember how fast he switched up the last time you asked him the question. You were afraid he was going to slip away again, but you were hoping that this time he’d react differently.

“As long as it’s not that one dumbass question, I won’t,” he chuckled and your heart instantly dropped. Your smile started to fade and you blinked at him in confusion,

“What ‘dumbass’ question are you.. Referring to?”.

“That stupid ‘what are we’ question or whatever you asked last time,” he spoke, the smile on his face remaining which caused your heart to shatter. Even after all this time with you, he still didn’t want to establish anything and even called the question ‘stupid’.

You immediately pulled away from him, features of hurt on your face as it was now his turn to be confused, the warmth he felt from you slowly disappearing. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and the way he was so clueless made you feel so irritated, “Oh..” he now understood your reaction, “Don’t tell me you were going to ask that shit again..”.

“I don’t see what’s so ‘stupid’ about it, Hyunjin” you spat out, frowning your eyebrows as you felt a knife stab your heart.

“No-” he seemed flabbergasted by your response and scoffed, “I don’t see what’s so important about knowing what we are, Y/N,” his words twisted the knife in your heart, and you clenched your fists, your fingers turning paper white from how tightly you were clenching them, “Can’t we just be happy as we are? Don’t you think it’s fun?”

“It’s not fucking fun, Hyunjin!” you snapped, and his eyes widened, taken aback that you raised your voice at him. He stared at you, his jaw dropped and his eyes darkened, his eyes expressing how infuriated he felt.  You continued, “I’m worried every single fucking day that you’re going to just suddenly slip away one day, Hyun,” you bit your lip and your voice started to crack, “Why don’t you want the same thing? After everything?”.

He took a deep breath and turned away for a second, huffing air afterwards and causing his bangs to fly up. “Do you realise how much of a clingy, annoying bitch you sound right now?!” he yelled, causing you to flinch. Your eyes widened as you realised what he said, bewildered that he could say such degrading words to you. You both stared at each other, the weight of the air being heavy and the knife in your heart twisting even more now.

“Clingy.. Annoying.. Bitch?” you repeated, your voice soft and in disbelief as you still needed to process what he said to you.

“I thought you were different, Y/N, it was more fun when you weren’t worried about all these shitty things,” he continued, and you shook your head. “Since I’m not so fucking different, then I can just walk out right now, can’t I?” you stood up from the couch, your body still fully facing him as you kept your guard up in case he tried to do anything to you. 

“Fuck, just go! I don’t give a fuck!” he yelled and you could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you weren’t crying. Not right now, not in front of him. You weren’t going to let a dick break your heart and make you feel sad. You flashed him a hurt expression and almost in a snap, his facial expression softened, “Wait- Y/N- I didn’t mean tha-”

“I’ll go since you want me gone so bad,” you stormed to his room to take the bag that was laying on the floor, looking around to ensure you left nothing behind. He quickly followed behind you, trying to get you to look at him, “Y/N, please look at me”.

You ignored all his pleads, not even sparing him a glance as you walked past him out of his room, already heading straight for the door. He grabbed your wrist and you stopped moving, “Please, I didn’t mean that Y/N and you know that”.

You flicked his hand away from your wrist, turning your body to look at him, tears already breaking free from your eyes as you shouted, “I’m fucking sick of being treated just as one of your toys! I’m done Hyun, I don’t wanna see you anymore!”

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean it-”

“I’m done. I’m done with.. whatever we have!”

You turned your back to him, heading straight for the door. This was the moment you’d never thought you’d be experiencing so soon. You were so afraid of the day that this was going to happen, and now that it happened, you had no idea how to feel. You opened his front door and looked at him one more time before stepping out and slamming the door shut. 

The day you left, he tried to contact you multiple times, whether it was call, text, going to your house, approaching you in school, but you brushed him away every single time. You didn't want to deal with his bullshit anymore, but he wanted you to let you understand his perspective. The last time you saw him, he mentioned a time, date and location. You had the choice to go, but you didn't know if you were going to meet him. You didn't know if you were ready or if it was worth hearing it.

That day eventually came, and you were just hugging your pillow, all cozy in your bed. Your phone vibrated and you lazily rolled over your bed to pick it up and see what notification you received. Your heart aching when you realised it was from him, a feeling you were so familiar with.

hwangjin : hey

hwangjin : you remember we're meeting up right?

You knew that if you went, it could possibly be the end of everything. A part of you was so afraid of what he was going to say. You were about to turn off your phone until more notifications came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i'm really sorry, okay?

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i really hope you come

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : give me a chance to explain myself

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : okay?

You received another notification which broke your train of thought.

Weather Alert: 🌧️ Heavy Rain Expected! 🌧️ Get ready for showers! Rain is expected to start within the next hour and continue throughout the evening. Make sure to carry an umbrella and stay safe.

"Y/N!" the familiar voice called out to you, and you scanned around the cafe until you spotted the figure that was aggressively waving his hands and looking at you.

You sighed at the sight of him, not looking forward to the conversation you two are going to have. You took your time to walk to him, dragging the chair opposite of him and sitting yourself down, his eyes locked onto you and watching your every move.

You set your eyes on the table, realising how all your favourite items from the menu were nicely set down and you looked up at him, noticing his guilty expression.

"I.. bought your favourite!" His voice sounded nervous, and you looked at the classic New York cheesecake that was served on a nice small rounded plate, accompanied by the usual passion yoghurt smoothie that was packaged in a plastic cup, a small amount of whipping cream overflowing from the hole of the dome lid.

You raised your eyebrows at him, praying that whatever explanation he had would be convincing enough and make your anger for him perish.

You pick up the small fork that was resting on the plate and stab the cake, putting the cake to your mouth and chewing. You didn't say a single word, you wanted him to do all the talking so you could evaluate to see if he was even being serious about wanting to clear up the misunderstandings you both shared.

You savored the sweet taste that filled your taste buds as you continued to eat on the cake, patiently waiting for him to speak up.

"Y/N..." your eyes travelled to his, raising your eyebrows as you anticipated what he was going to say. "I love you."

You dropped your fork to the floor, creating a loud metallic sound across the entire cafe. You received glances from other people, but they quickly went back to their business. You blinked at Hyunjin in disbelief to what he had just confessed, and your mind that was overflowing with thoughts suddenly cleared up.

His confession didn't particularly make you feel overjoyed, just shocked. You'd be lying if you said you would have expected this.

"You.. love me?" you blurted out, still feeling taken aback by his sudden confession when you were expecting him to do anything else, like apologise or whatever.

"Yes. Yes I do," his voice sounded serious. You were never expecting the day that Hyunjin, your situationship, was going to be direct with his feelings and not fucking around.

"How so?" you shot out, curious as to his reasons on why he 'loves' you. A soft thunder accompanied your question, adding more suspense to the situation.

He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden question before he cleared his throat and looked around, blood rushing to the tips of his ears and a hint of pink flashing.

"I.. love the way you look so gorgeous" he hesitated, but he looked relieved after mustering up the courage to voice it out. You didn't feel satisfied one bit. You only felt annoyed at his answer, scoffing upon hearing it. "Okayyy? That's all?".

He seemed slightly puzzled as to how the first reason wasn't sufficient, but he cleared his throat and continued, "I like the way you kiss me.. hug me..". You rolled your eyes, not feeling a pinch of sincerity in his words and you sat back, folding your arms.

"Are you serious right now?" you scowled. Even a kid in elementary school could show more sincerity than Hyunjin, and this thought made you just want to slap him and leave him.

"Why wouldn't I be, Y/N?" he asked, giving you the puppy eyes before you roll your eyes once more, the annoyed feeling slowly turning into irritation. You spat out, "Let's be serious, Hyunjin. You're only with me for fun". A louder thunder was followed by your words, the sound of rain dropping commencing.

His facial expression immediately showed that he felt offended, and he defended himself, "If I was only with you for fun, I wouldn't be thinking about you every fucking second!".

'Now that's what I'm talking about.' you thought.

He continued to rambled on, "I wouldn't be imagining you while messing around with other people, or—"

"Okay, so what are we?"

He fell silent but he continued to stare at you, noticing the grimace on your face. He finally spoke up after a while, "We're friends".

'Ouch,' you thought.

"So we're friends that hug, kiss and get jealous over each other?" you contradicted his statement, your tone filled with sarcasm.

"Friends with benefits?" he stated, almost sounding confused and it made you want to scream at him.

"No.." you stood up from your chair, taking your belongings and he mirrors your actions, immediately standing up and panicking and feeling puzzled as to why you were preparing to leave. "Y/N—"

"No. I don't want to do this anymore." you stated, tears slowly forming in your eyes as you shot a glare at Hyunjin. He bit his lips and seemed unsure of what to do, and this sight of him broke your heart even more.

You picked up your bag, storming out and upon opening the front door of the cafe, you soon realised that it was pouring heavily, but it was the least of your concerns. You stepped out into the rain, feeling the cold water hit your skin and you shivered at the contrast in temperatures from inside and outside of the cafe.

You heard a voice behind you, "Wait, please!". You knew it was him, and it took every part of you to just not turn around and just continue walking, but you were forced to a stop when he gripped your wrist tightly to prevent you from walking even further. "Please.. can we just please talk?".

"I'm just.. so fucking confused! What the hell are we?!" you cried out, throwing his hand and turning your body to him, your tears continuously running down your cheeks but blending with the raindrops that fell onto your face. Your face wrinkled up, feeling so furious yet the emptiness in your heart yearning so much for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin's gaze softened at you, his eyes showing remorse as he cupped your cheeks, pecking your forehead before resting his forehead on yours. You continued, "I don't see a point in this, you already stated clearly that we're just friends with benefits, you don't want a label, but that's exactly what I want, Hyunjin".

"You love me, and I love you, so I don't see why it's so hard to—" you rambled on but your words were quickly put to a stop when he placed his lips on yours. Your hands immediately snaked up to his scalp, grabbing his hair while he cupped your cheeks, pulling your face closer to him. The kiss was slow and intimate, and it was almost like all your problems and misunderstanding vanished in one second.

The rain continued to pour, both of your bodies getting increasingly drenched but it was a problem that didn't bother you and Hyunjin. The warmth that was filling your bodies was sufficient, and the burning desire for each other only brought the two of you closer.

He tilted his neck in desperation to gain more access to you. He softly nibbled on your bottom lip, silently asking for permission for you to open your mouth, and without any reluctance, you opened your mouth.

Your tongue is immediately met with his, and they are swirling against each other. He took this chance to explore your mouth, your heart slowly melting at the passionate kiss. Blood rushed to your faces, both of your faces being a bright red as you both were desperate to sate your desires for each other.

It was obvious, you two were made for each other. Regardless if there was a label or not, you both always ran back into each other.

He softly pulled away, his eyes locked onto yours as he beamed at you. You returned an annoyed smile, and you ran your hand through his dripping hair, slicking it back.

"Please just tell me, I don't want to just be your 'maybe', Hyun," you stared into him, your gaze intense.

"For all I know, you aren't just a 'maybe', Y/N," he replied.

There were a few moments of silence before he continued, "I'm scared, Y/N, I really am," he tucked a hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the raindrops never stopping to drench your bodies, "But I wanna figure it out with you, please".

You shook your head, not feeling completely satisfied but you were feeling happy that he was honest. He finally opened up to you, and you felt like it was a big improvement.

You two stared at each other for a moment, and you chuckled at the sight of him, warmth filling your heart as you felt like everything had changed. Realising that you were chuckling at him, he stuck his tongue out at you, and pecking your cheek afterwards, holding you oh-so-gently.

"Don't hurt me again," you said, but it came out as a raspy whisper and he slowly nodded.

"Of course," he replied. "I love you," he blurted out and it caught you off-guard, but you quickly composed yourself and chuckled at him, squeezing his cheek, "You're so adorable, you know?".

"Don't tease me, god,"

"I love you too," you replied. "I know you do"

And he pulled you into another kiss.

taglist! : @chwesuh-imnida @hyunlvrs @aft2rsexs @laylasbunbunny @neosracha @axhyyy @zennnnny @superbbananananana

@tsunderelino @skzdedgf (just thought you'd like to get tagged!)

[jyoongim]

Rip ur inbox tbh 💔 (it’s late while im doing this bc i can’t sleep and my brain is absolutely COOKIG UP some ideas based on these prompts)

i spun the wheel and it was RIGHT between saucy and flavor… soooooo do with that what you will lol

prompt 3

Alastor x reader

Romantic 💞

# 11

# 12

^ with those maybe He took reader out on a stroll around hell? (tooootally platonically.. he doesn’t like them whattttt pft…

and it started to rain?

(OMG WAIT DANCING IN THE RAIN???? LET ME COOK???

CONFESSION IN THE RAIN??? AND ITS ALL DRAMATIC AND SHIT AND THEN THEY KISS?? IM SCREAMING INTO THE ABYSS SILENTLY OMG???)

# 18 (i’m a sloucher im guilty of it lol but i alway try to adjust it with people i like. Sooo maybe reader adjusts their posture whenever he’s in the room because he usually moves his hand to her lower back and gently pushes it forward so she could fix her posture,so whenever she sees him it’s just an automatic thing? i think that’s would be cute lol. this could be a hint that she likes him as a “obviously pinning” thing)

Prompt 3, # 11 & 12 FLUFF! Jacket/puddle

I KNOW YOU REQUESTED #18 S SO ILL BE WRITING THAT SOON!

————————————————————————————————

You had accompanied Alastor out for a scroll around Hell. He had some business to attend to and you were more than happy to get away from the hotel for a bit.

It was such a lovely day, though a bit chilly than you expected. You walked close to Alastor to obtain some warmth.

You really didn’t think your outfit out.

Alastor seemed to notice your shivering and placed his jacket on your shoulders. “Can't have you catch a cold now can we?” He had said, fastening the jacket.

You thanked him and continued on your walk.

It had been a while and you notice the weather start to change.

A wet drop on your nose had you reeling as the sky suddenly bursted with acidic rain. The two of you quickly huddled under a nearby shop covering.

You offered the demon his coat back, feeling bad that he would get wet form the rain, but he declined.

You were just too cute to be soaked like a dog.

“The hotel isn’t far Ithink we can make a run for it” you suggested and the two of you were off.

You giggled as the two of you ran, the rain drenching your feet and Alastor as you ran through the rain.

Alastor blocked you as a big puddle rippled in front of you. He hopped over the puddle and gracefully had his shadow lift you over the puddle.

You blushed and thanked him. 

You couldnt help but stare at him as the rain fell around the two of you.

His red hair was dripping, shirt soaked but he looked so handsome.

The rain wasn’t so bad and you had reached the hotel.

”Are you alright my dear?” Alastor asked as you leaned against a pillar.

You smiled “quite alright”

The two of you stood there and watched the rain.

“The rain is quite lovely” you said mindlessly, holding your hand out to catch the drops.

A warm body slithered behind you, arms outlining yours to hold your palms.

”Not as lovely as you my dear” he drawled in your ear.

Your eyes widened and you turned slightly to see the red demon looking at you with such affection in his eyes.

”Al?” He leaned down and pressed his lips to your burning cheek.

”more lovelier than Hell’s rainstorm”

[her-devils-advocate]

I drag myself like a rug in the rain

pairings: Levi Ackerman x reader

genre: sickfic / fluff

summary: You are sick with the flu, yet refuse to admit it before a certain stern captain. He easily makes you swallow your pride.

The title is taken from The Amazing Devil – Blossoms. It was also a quick drabble written from my own frustrations of being ill!

word count: 1,015

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55134844

“You’re not going and that’s final. You look like you’re about to keel over.” Levi’s voice is stern, leaving very little room for argument, but despite his harsh words, his hands are gentle as he pushes you back down on the bed.

"I told you, I'm fine. I'm more than capable of joining the meeting!" Your voice is strained, the words coming out jumbled as you rush to finish the sentence before being overtaken by yet another coughing fit. You weakly glance up at Levi, the man standing before you with crossed arms and a highly unimpressed look on his face.

"Right," he drawls out, moving to the other end of your small bedroom to lean against the door as if you were capable of rushing past him to escape his scrutinising gaze. Part of you is tempted to try, just to cause some amount of annoyance. The more rational part stays still, knowing that in your current state, you would just prove his point faster than you’re willing to.

"If you can walk over to me with ease, then I'll believe you."

You scoff, ignoring the harsh tickle in your throat that the action causes, and slowly rise from the bed. Your body protests, the stiff muscles aching with each movement while your vision blurs. You push it down, refusing to let it show on your face as you slowly place a foot forward, doing everything within your willpower to take a firm step.

"When I make it to you, you promise to let me attend the meeting?"

"If you can make it over here, then sure. It’s not like I want to keep you locked up in here, lazing around all day when we have shit to do.”

“When.” You argue weakly, refusing to back down despite the nausea growing worse with each passing second.

“Besides, you know the meeting is important, especially since it's about the upcoming expedition. We can’t afford to miss a single one now that it's approaching us.”

He rolls his eyes, shifting his position to get comfortable against the cold stone, almost as if he's expecting to be stood there for a while. “Stop stalling. If you want to go to the shitty meeting so much, you know what you have to do.”

You give him your best glare, yet from the way his lips twitch with a concealed smirk, you know you must look like a mess. You have hardly slept, the night spent in a feverish daze, despite retiring to bed earlier than you usually would. The day prior was spent pushing your body beyond its usual limits, wanting to train as much as possible despite the chill air, the change of season growing more noticeable. You groan, regretting the past yet being unable to change a thing.

“You could simply order me to stay in bed, that way we could just avoid this whole song and dance. The fact that you aren’t giving the order proves that you think I’m fine.” You mirror his stance, crossing your arms against your chest with fake confidence and wishing that he doesn’t notice the slight trembling of your hands.

This time Levi lets out a small laugh. The sound is airy and unexpected, and your eyes widen momentarily, convinced that your sickness has finally caused you to hallucinate the rare, but welcomed sight. 

“Nice try. We both know you wouldn’t obey the order, regardless of how sick you are, I’m not going to waste my time giving it. So if you would like to get this ‘song and dance’ over with?” Levi says as his eyes fixate on the way your breathing grows more and more laboured the longer you stand. 

You deflate, knowing he has called your bluff. You give in and place your weight on the extended foot, shakily moving forward. Your bones feel like glass and your chest burns, but you manage to take the first step. You forget to keep up the appearance of health, more focused on actually getting your body to function under his piercing stare, yet you silently celebrate the hollow victory. 

The mental celebration is cut short when you feel your legs give way, you squeeze your eyes shut, preparing to feel your weak body collide with the solid ground. Instead of the unforgiving floor, you are met with strong, firm arms wrapped tightly around you. You slowly open your eyes to be met with his silver glare. Annoyance is painted clear on his face as his lips thin into a straight line.

“This is why you should have stayed in bed, instead of wasting time and arguing with me over it.” Despite the glare, his voice is soft as it reveals his worry. Your health has always been his top priority, even when it's just a common cold making its way through the scouts.

Levi slowly lifts you and brings you back to the warm comforts of your bed. You snuggle against your pillow, letting out a defeated sigh as he brings the blanket up to your chin. He tucks you in tight and you let out a small, slightly delirious giggle, you almost regret it when his hands pause and he stares at you expectantly.

“Are you trying to make it so I’m physically unable to leave this bed?”

His features soften and he continues to help you get comfortable, smoothing out the cover until each crease that dares to mar your blanket retreats, “That’s not the worst idea you’ve had.”

You’re not sure if you want to bask in the compliment or argue that you’ve had better ideas and that he knows it. Your mind is made up the moment he continues to speak.

“That way we can minimise the amount of surfaces you can infect with your germs. We don’t want you infecting the others at the meeting, do we? Now stay put while I bring you some food.”

And with that, he turns to leave the room, a soft smile on his face as your strained shouts of protest and offence follow his retreating form.

[amourlyns]

❛ HEY VENGEANCE. ❜ ➜ ⁽ masterlist ⁾

✧ 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕: in which the reader meets bruce wayne at a gala, the riddler is rampant in the city. and this gala is his next target. part one of two.

✧ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: mentions of alcohol consumption, and drugs. bruce is vv emotionally repressed, he’s got problems ok?

✧ 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔: 🦦 this is pattison’s batman influenced by matt reeves (the batman.) no use of y/n, pov switches to bruce twice in this fic. listen to 〞thank god for the rain 〞 by bernard herrman for ambiance.

⟡ ⠀ | Gotham is well (…) an odd city. An odd city with slick—tongued alley cats who roam and lurk at each corner, merging with the shadow and watching passerby dance and speak in hypnotic tongues.

You liked to call it the Gotham effect, it comes with the city of sin and crime. It’s odd, like you stated before. There’s the occasional glitz and glamor of wealthy Gothamites, galas laced with cocaine pearls and wine filled bottles (…)

Accompanied by champagne flutes and hors d’oeuvre’s to indulge in for the night.

And within this false sense of normalcy and entitlement, there’s the night. The Gotham better known for its crime and vigilantes. You see, everyone in Gotham is acting. The key to understanding it all in Gotham is the rhythm.

The people are the rhythm, the day is the rhythm. The night is the rhythm. And within this element of rhythmic chaos, there’s always something lurking. Watching the city underneath light polluted skies and charcoal clouds. When the smog seems to clog up your lungs and choke your breathing, there’s always something else to worry about.

The Batman, of course.

If anything, he highlights what Gotham is at the core. A broken city, deeply scarred and angry. Scratching at its surface to be heard. To be healed. Has Gotham always been seeking justice and light? Or is it seeking something much more carnal and sinister (…) Vengeance? A certain greed?

Whatever it was, it spoke to Gothamites. Hate the Bat, or love the Bat. He spoke for the city of Gotham, and he would always be there at every corner, watching.

Gotham is sick and venal.

You hope for the day of a real rain to come and wash off the scum from the streets. For now, it’s the Bat who takes care of the illness. Could 〞 it 〞 save Gotham?

Maybe.

It’s silly thought anyways, Gotham has been plagued with crime for decades. Some masked vigilante wouldn’t be able to stop that regardless. The thought is flimsy and useless. Something made out of hope and optimism, the kind of thing you consume in dreams. Not only that, but the Batman is more of a fable, a myth.

Besides, there was no use in consuming yourself with thoughts of Gotham and its nightly specter. For now, you’re here, at another Gala— with the same diluted faces and the same twisted smiles. Then night moves on in an odd distorted way, a blur even.

The man who snaps you out of this daze is Bruce Wayne. Gotham’s Prince, the man of the hour. You could only wonder what caused this recluse to emerge out of the manor he calls home. Unlike other notable people in Gotham, Bruce Wayne chooses to live a quiet life shrouded in mystery.

When he does remove himself from the confines of the manor, and the tabloids simply go into a frenzy. Like sharks during a feeding. It feels like everyone in Gotham wanted a piece of Bruce Wayne. Craving a flesh they surely don’t deserve.

Something tells you to draw closer to the oddity, like this would be the only time you’d be able to lay your eyes on Bruce Wayne in the flesh. So, you might as well take the opportunity to really take him all in.

Wayne eventually loses the limelight. The audience dies and you decide to pass through the sea of bodies that separate you two. He notices this of course, ever so vigilant. Some part of you expects him to flee and avoid the confrontation all together. Wary hues remain fixated on your figure slipping through the crowd.

Surely he isn't waiting (…) Right ?

Apparently he wasn’t, not like you knew of course. Bruce Wayne was a hard man to decipher after all, you couldn't tell if something compelled him to stay or if that kept him still.

For the first time tonight, you're accompanied by someone else. It'd off to say the least, Bruce is certainly a presence to behold, sure. But he wouldn't even spare a glance at you, you gaze eventually follows his line of sight.

Now? Now, all eyes are set on beacon in the sky now. The symbol of the night.

Batman is called by the city tonight, needed in the shadows once more. You could only wonder what for. You’re not one for new and tabloids but, there has been some discussion about the 〞 Riddler. 〞

Gotham’s newest deranged lunatic villain.

The man was terrifying, you’ve seen the footage. You've seen the terror and heard the screams. So how was the Batman going to save the city now? The thought of Gotham coming to its own demise (…) it was bound to, the city hasn’t had hope in a long time. You knew that very well.

Now what was he thinking? Did the Wayne believe in the Bat? In Vengeance, and his own crusade. Before you can even ask the question, he’s turning away. Maybe he’s had enough of your company for tonight.

❛ MISTER WAYNE, WAIT. Before you go, I’m just (…) curious about this one thing━━ IT’S THIS (…) BAT. VENGEANCE, do you really think he can protect the city ? Save Gotham ? His motives just seem so unclear. He’s menacing, almost reminds me of the Riddler. It’s all about vengeance, no ? Whether it’s about the city or people who’ve wronged you. ❜

Bruce does not turn back around to face you, instead he turns his head. Adjusting his gaze to you and the symbol in the night, it shifts. Once, twice than thrice. His face is unreadable. Typical.

He wants to speak, you know that much. Yet he doesn’t, for whatever reason. Bruce chooses to stare right through you.

You let him.

He doesn’t owe you a response, you know that much. Before you know it, he’s gone.

𝙱𝚁𝚄𝙲𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚈𝙽𝙴’𝚂 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙰𝙻𝙰. A FEW HOURS BEFORE YOUR ENCOUNTER (…)

⟡ ⠀ | THE CITY IS QUIET TONIGHT. Unlike any another night, the city streets are deserted, emptied if you will. It’s all because of the recent attacks by the Riddler. There’s a few stranglers of course, sticking near the shaded roads and corners.

There’s a gala tonight, Alfred informed me on that. He wanted to me to attend because I needed to 〞 maintain 〞 my appearances for the sake of my family’s reputation and legacy. I only agreed because it would be the perfect opportunity to watch the city through civilian eyes. And give me an advantage.

The suit is less than ideal. Tight, stuffy and constricting.

Alfred is in the middle of fixing my tie when he tells me I look like my father.

I do not reply to that.

I stare into the mirror. Taking the time to analyze my polished appearance, Alfred fixes my tie and hands me my father’s cuff links once more. Now he’s watching me closely, too closely. Like I’ll break and shatter because he mentioned my father.

My face must’ve given my thoughts away, Alfred is quick to place his hand on my shoulder. Giving it a squeeze. My eyes dart between his hand and his face.

There’s that (…) sympathy again, or was it regret? Sometimes the two emotions blur and mix, all into one.

I should be kinder to Alfred.

If I could vocalize it, I would. But it comes out all raw, sore and achy. Like I’m forcing the kindness out of me. If only I could— could verbalize this gratitude. I would—

My chest throbs at the guilt. I grimace. Alfred seems to get it somehow, he can see the apology in my eyes. He lets me go for the time being, I insist to drive myself. He obliges.

The arrival is dreadful. The lights are too bright and there’s too many eyes on me. Voices ring out, calling out my name— Gothams Prince, Wayne, Mister Wayne, Bruce Wayne. They chant to me. The media swarms me like flies, and questions flood after.

I hardly keep my head above the water, I’m practically drowning. The only thing that keeps me going is that light in the sky.

The signal.

The media disperses, shifting towards the beacon of light that brands the sky tonight. From my peripheral view, I see something moving closer to me. Slipping through the sea of people. Their destination is to me. My gaze remains fixated on the bat-signal.

I have to go.

The figure besides me shifts, eyeing me down every now and then. I decide to take my leave.

❛ ❛ MISTER WAYNE, WAIT. Before you go, I’m just (…) curious about this one thing━━ IT’S THIS (…) BAT. VENGEANCE, do you really think he can protect the city ? Save Gotham ? His motives just seem so unclear. He’s menacing, almost reminds me of the Riddler. It’s all about vengeance, no ? Whether it’s about the city or people who’ve wronged you. ❜ ❜

Their words capture me for a few moments. I still. Letting the words settle into my mind. I can’t find it in me to look at them.

WHEN I LEAVE, it seems like the city mocks me. It feels like the rain corrodes my kevlar. The frigid rain seems to sink through bone marrow and nip away at skin. There’s a ferocious wind in Gotham tonight, the rain drenches everything in a torrential downpour.

Storm drains are filled and plugged, creating miniature oceans in the road.

When I arrive, the commissioner informs me on the recent developments of the Riddler. He has plans for tonight, and another letter written for me.

An explosion goes off that night.

[nrdmssgs]

Hi hi! I was wondering if I could request a 141 reaction to reader asking them to dance out in the rain with them, civilian or a fellow soldier? I really loved the headcanon you did of falling asleep on their shoulder and I just need more fluff of them please

Masterlist

Oh how I love doing anything in the rain with SO!!!!!!!! I live for such requests, thank you so much!! I had the best time writing this.

TF 141 reacting on reader, asking them for a dance in the rain

Simon Ghost Riley

This was the most important day in his life, the happiest one. But Ghost still felt guilt stinging him time to time. What if you said, you wanted it to be quiet and private just to make him comfortable? What this didn't match your dreams, what if his whole life didn't meet your expectations? There were no guests, no intricate or pompous speeches, no tears or happy laughter - everything was down to earth, calm and fast. Simon didn't even get it right away, when everything was done. He just stood there before the clerk looking at your certificate.

"You sure, you don't want any gift to remember this day?" He took your hand so that he doesn't lose you on a crowded street.

"Oh, I have a gift, don't worry. And I'm planning to keep it for life." Your smile illuminated even this colorless autumn day.

Simon heard a large raindrop hit your shoulder. The next drop touched his cheek. This rain reminded a more summer one: it did not cover the city with a moisture gray veil, but merrily played with the rays of the sun, which appeared at the other end of the sky and refracted in lonely drops.

People around you fled, seeking shelter from the rain, and Ghost cursed softly. "Not only haven't I arranged a proper ceremony for you - now the day will be ruined by the rain..."

"How many times do I have to repeat, that it is primarily me, who didn't want any ceremonies?" You lift his hand and place a kiss on his knuckle.

"If you ever have second thoughts - let me know right away. I'll find a tailor, arrange a cake and the isle, and what else people do normally..."

"Mister Riley, this may come as a surprise, people do whatever they please." Your laughter immediately eases his soul. "Now please stop beating yourself for not being an incarnation of every teenage dream. I don't need it. What I need to remember this day forever is you, Simon. Just you."

"Just me is not enough..." This was meant to be inaudible, but you still heard him and stopped in your tracks.

"Please, never say that again. You are enough. Now, if you want to go above and beyond that badly today - dance with me. Right here, right now." Your request takes him by surprise. But it's you, and he swore to himself when you two signed the papers earlier, that you'd get whatever you ask for. Always.

He stands motionless for a while, never taking his eyes off you. And then he holds out his hand to you. His heart beats as fast as the day you met.

"May I have this dance, Mrs Riley?"

Kyle Gaz Garrick

"Kyle!" You would jump on the hospital bed right into his arms, if you were sure, it wouldn't hurt him.

Gaz smiled widely the very second, he heard your cry. "Hi, sweetie! I'm so glad, you made it here, I missed you so much!" His lively voice doesn't match his appearance: his body is covered with patches and stitches, and it almost screams 'let me rest and don't even think to go on another mission in next few months'. You frown at the sight of it and come closer, inspecting every centimeter of his skin.

He tracks your gaze and says lightheartedly, "Don't worry, sweets, in a week ill be as good as new."

"In a pair of weeks," corrects him nurse, who lead you into his room.

"In a pair of weeks, I'll be dead of boredom here..."

You profusely apologize to the nurse for Kyle and when she leaves, closing the door behind her, you turn back. "It's okay, I've got my job done, and I'll be here with you for as long as it takes." You are so relieved to finally see him in one piece, after you got that frightening call. You know, it's his job, his life, but you can't lose him, cant even imagine waking up, knowing, I will never see that myriad of different smiles of Kyle Garrick.

One of your favorites is that sneaky shit-eating grin, when he is about to win a bet or a game. It is so pure, so full of joy - it makes you believe for a short moment, there is no war out there, no hell, he will have to return to sooner or later. So for the next two weeks you come up with all kinds of games, only to see that smile on his face.

Even though it was Kyle who ended up in the hospital bed out of the two of you, he takes care of you as usual, not the other way around. So every time you lose a bet - he makes you eat a desert from his lunch, or wraps you in his shirt, so that you are cozy and warm. But in rare cases, when you win - you exploit it as much as you can. After your very first win you make him promise, that he will follow every instruction of his doctors, and in two weeks he will dance with you in the courtyard of the hospital.

Gaz keeps his word, and after two weeks you finally leave the hospital. It would be the perfect moment - if not for one "BUT": the street meets you with pouring rain.

"Sorry, sweetheart, looks like no dancing in the wild for you today. But if you are willing to wait for a few hours - I promise, well find a perfect ballroom somewhere in my flat." Kyle touches your shoulder and smiles reassuringly.

"Oh no, all your ballrooms require us to press ourselves as close to each other and not swing at all."

"And that was... pretty much the most significant part of my plan." Even when he is flirting with you that shamelessly - Kyle somehow keeps the softest eyes and sweetest smile.

You know him too well - Kyle can't refuse you. So when you hold out your hand to him, he shakes his head, leans the bags against the wall, and leads you out into the little garden in front of the hospital building. There he puts one arm around your waist and circles slowly with you, oblivious to the rain. He does not hide the admiration with which he watches your movements. When you get closer to each other - he covers every inch of your face with kisses, repeating "Losing to you was the best thing, my angel. Thank you for helping me out".

Captain John Price

On your first date, you looked nervous. Despite knowing him for years already, this evening felt different. You knew, at some point you'll have to explain, what's going on, but words kept failing you.

"You ok, love?" John noticed it. Of course, he would, since his eyes never left your face.

No.

"Yes! I mean, of course... Sorry, where were we?"

But he knows you too well, and you already feel his eyes scanning through a smile plastered on your face. So John takes your hand and starts asking questions. He doesn't pressure you, but just helps you to navigate through your anxiety, trying to specify, what causes it. So you finally give in and explain that even the most insignificant physical contacts are difficult for you. At the same time, you are incredibly glad that you two finally went on a date. To your relief, John reacts calmly, lets go of your hand and reassures you, that your wellbeing is much more important than social customs, demanding, that every good date must end with a kiss or a hug.

"I promise to not touch this topic, if you don't feel like sharing, but I must know, if anything... or anyone caused this or if it's just the way you are, which is absolutely ok." His voice is soft. It sounds so comforting, you feel safe enough to share your reasoning, which Price accepts right away.

Since then, he catches himself urging to touch you, but freezing, before his hand actually reaches your personal space. No matter how badly he wanted to comfort you and share his warmth - John remembered, he better come up with an alternative way to do that. So he made you warm with words, little presents, acts of service - anything, but touch.

One day, he was walking you home from another date when lightning flashed somewhere in the distance, illuminating the evening sky.

"Oh no, it's about to rain, John, come wait at my place."

"Don't worry, love, you don't scare a brit with a few raindrops. You need a good sleep before working week, so I'll get you home and be on my way to my place right after."

When you are saying goodbyes at your door, it starts raining. John turns away and heads right into a thick wall of raindrops, falling all around a canopy. "It's just water, it's not gonna harm him," you think to yourself. But something inside you asks, demands, pleads you to stop him. So you dart after Price and grab him in an awkward embrace from back.

"Love?" John turns his head. "I told you to not wo-"

You cut him off, shifting around and now pressing your cheek against his broad chest. It is unexpected, but so much awaited, John barely holds back a shiver, that runs down his body. You start quietly humming some vaguely familiar melody and gently rocking back and forth.

"Can I hug you back?" Even startled by your sudden act of affection, John still guards your border.

You nod, still pressing yourself so close to him, that raindrops can't wet his jacket from the front. Carefully and slowly, he locks you in an embrace, letting you continue slowly dancing with him. He doesn't care for the rain or late hour anymore - he only cares for you in his hands.

Johnny Soap Mactavish

"Seriously, another bloody traffic jam? " Soap presses his face against car window and groans. You've asked him for about a hundred times not to do that, but it is impossible to make Johnny cooperate, when he is unhappy.

Hes been venting to you about that gig for the last few months. You were pretty sure, it was because you owned a car, which was practically the only reasonable transport to reach such a secluded small town, where the concert took place. One must have witnessed Johnnys puppy eyes, when he asked you to ride there together with him, to understand, why you just couldn't say no. You invited the rest of the 141 to join you, but all of them, by a strange coincidence, remembered some urgent personal plans at the last moment.

So there you were, alone with a whining Sergeant in a car, stuck in a traffic jam, that was very likely to not let you make it in time even for the second half of the gig. And as if things weren't bad enough - it started raining.

"I'm sorry, Soap. I'm not sure, we will be there in time." You hated it that, you couldn't change the situation, because Johnny always did everything in his power to cheer you up, help you or just make you smile. You wanted to be as good friend as he was to you, but this traffic jam required a true magician in order to get sorted out in minutes. So you sigh deeply, tapping the steering wheel with your fingertips.

The idea hits you out of nowhere. You pull to the side, as soon as you reach a small, empty parking area in the woods.

Soap turns to you with a puzzled face. "Lass? Everything alright?"

Without answering him, you turn off the engine and pick up the phone. "Ah, you want to look for another route again?" suggests Johnny. "But we already tried it a hundred times - there are no alternatives ..."

"Calm down, MacTavish, I'm bringing you the concert."

"You mean, you're bringing me to the concert?" He tilts his head to the side in confusion.

"I said what I said, Johnny... Now, give me ju-u-u-ust one more minute.... Here, perfect!" With these words, you jump out of the car right into the rain and open the passenger door. "C'mon, MacTavish, we spent a few hours trying to get there, we might as well enjoy our very own concert."

With the first chords of the song, a radiant smile blooms on Johnny's face. He throws his head back and laughs out loud, covering his face with his hands. "Ya crazy, lassie, you know it?"

You pull him out of the car and take his both hands in yours. "Listen, I know, this is no way as fun as the real gig. But I dont want you to remember this day as 'that time, we killed a day in a car', ok?"

Johny moves closer, not stopping laughing and starts slow dancing with you despite a rather jolly and fast melody. "Oh fuck that concert. This right here is worth a month spent in a traffic jam. I wouldn't trade it for anything"

[whenthegoldrays]

TOP TEN EUNEUN MOMENTS (according to me)

10. Festival scene

The perfection of this scene, Eun Gyeol at his down-baddest and Eun Yoo putting on a brave face while literally going through some of the most distressing moments of her life, and their being kept apart by the (very understandable) misunderstanding and just. wanting to reach out and be comforted but staying behind those barriers. Chef’s kiss.

9. “Tears in Heaven”

The significance of his singing to her, singing this song specifically because it’s part of the connection they share and don’t realize yet, plus the lyrics being so peculiarly perfect for their situation. And the tenderness in his eyes! (This scene is also enhanced by Eun Gyeol’s later conversation with Mr. Choi.)

8. “You’ll be born just fine”

A tiny moment but so perfect because not only does it show off Eun Yoo’s slightly unhinged sense of humor, it’s also a perfect establishment that they are, in fact, on the same page now. And their facial expressions absolutely sell it.

7. “Under one condition”

This is technically a moment between Eun Gyeol and Yichan, but the fact that Eun Gyeol told Eun Yoo he hated her all of three minutes ago and is now publicly declaring his love for her in front of the whole school (and exposing himself to everyone’s anger in response) is simply too iconic and hilarious and to me, wraps up the essence of the show’s character dynamics flawlessly.

6. “Ajumma???”

Their delivery lives rent free in my head, and they just. hate each other so much right here. Kind of a delight.

5. Once more around the block

Am I overly attached to this scene because of the soundtrack playing over it? Maybe. But the way he cares!!! They’ve had the most emotionally and physically exhausting day and then they get this moment to calm down, for Eun Yoo to lie her head on his shoulder and for him to let her rest undisturbed for a few extra minutes. And!! she goes along with it, because she likes his nearness.

4. “You have three seconds”

The layers and layers to this scene. Both of them pushing their own agenda, both of them wary of the other, both of them YAPPING. The way Eun Gyeol goes from oblivious to apologetic to scared for his life to flustered to baffled in the span of like 45 seconds. And the chemistry is chemistry-ing.

3. “That’s the real me!”

My deep and abiding love for this exchange. Eun Yoo calling back to the pool scene and possibly expecting another fake answer, and Eun Gyeol answering her immediately. He doesn’t have to think up an answer anymore, he knows when he started liking her, he knows why and how, and the truth — that he likes her for her, not for her assumed identity — is so blindingly beautiful to her that she can only shout for joy.

2. “I’ll take my time figuring it out”

Obsessed with everything about this scene, from the callback to the last lightning storm, to Eun Gyeol’s promise to both help Eun Yoo get home and also make sure to draw out their time together as long as possible, to the tension. The longing. And the way the scene is structured around what you’d expect to be the most important part — but instead it draws a curtain of privacy around that moment and leaves the emphasis on his promise and how important and heart-fluttering it is to her. Add to that the beautiful OST and Eun Gyeol dancing down the street in joy and you’ve got a perfect scene to feed my mental illness.

1. “Let’s just stay together”

You knew it was coming. I love few things in this world more than a romantic rain scene, and this one deserves the world for so many reasons. The bigness of their emotions leading up to this moment — her whole plan and perception of her past has been shattered, and she runs away in distress, and he runs after her! He runs through the airport in desperation, he can’t lose her. They’ve been yelling and fighting and sobbing and everything feels like so much, but when he finds her everything slows down, everything can be still and he can just speak honestly. He wants to stay with her. The objections don’t matter. What matters is he wants to be by her side. He wants to shield her from the storm. And she takes his hand and stands up again and suddenly everything is a little less bleak, a little bit warmer. Plus Master watching them in satisfaction that they’ve found their helper? CHILLS.

[kyosopp]

❝  p1harmony as my favourite songs !!  ❞

warnings !! my music taste please don’t be a hater because its not upbeat :3 + plus the fact i just used :3 there are links if you wanna listen to the songs

　　　　　　　　　━━━━❰･❉･❱━━━━

❪  ❥ .   yoon keeho,  윤기호 ❫

duvet — bôa

everyone knows that keeho is absolutely ethereal, he’s what every man (and woman) should aim to be. a pretty personality on a pretty face. i associate keeho with bôa’s duvet because of how stunning the instrumental truly is. oddly enough keeho reminds me of this song so much and i need a tiktok editor to edit him with duvet immediately (its a need not a want)

like water — wendy

this song was without a doubt my favourite song to listen to when it was released, it’s such a beautiful song and it reminds me of keeho. i know that you guys probably expect songs like starships by nicki minaj and although i do agree that keeho is definitely a song like that, based upon my music taste he’s just so ethereal and beautiful. he’s a constant reminder of growth and love (he still my opp though 😋)

❪  ❥ .   choi taeyang,  최태양 ❫

i was all over her — sylvia palth

i eat this song up everytime it plays, i don’t care if yall think it’s ass of overplayed, my little heart things yummy whenever its on. anyways, i definitely think theo is a song like this, and yeah he can be a tease to his members but he’s still a good guy with a good heart and everyone and their mother would want a love like this song with theo.

you were beautiful — day6

do i scream this song every time it plays, yes the fuck i do, but i digress. theo is either an avid listener of this song or is just the song personified. “beautiful, just the way that you would look at me” is just so theo and if you think otherwise… well i think you’re incorrect. nobody gets day6 like i do ☹️ (besides king seungmin)

❪  ❥ .   choi jiung,  최지웅 ❫

west coast — lana del rey

lana del rey and jiung is so

anyways, this instrumental is so beautiful and i need to be sent a bajillion jiung edits with it. i do not stand for west coast slander because it is without a doubt singlehandedly has my heart in ruins.

levanter — stray kids

i love levanter by stray kids more than any song they’ve released, coming from a stay since their survival show. it’s my favourite song released by stray kids. jiung just reminds me of felix’s “it’s all good now” because he truly makes p1eces feel like everything will be alright (all while teasing jongseob, we love a man that can multitask)

❪  ❥ .   hwang intak,  황인탁 ❫

symphonia ix — current joys

this song dominated my entire tiktok fyp for a solid month before it suddenly converted to shrektok. this song just makes me feel really calm and content with my life and I feel like being friends with intak would be like that (when he’s not out for your throat at least).

only — leehi

i actually don’t really know why i think of intak when i listen to only. i guess the. “it’s like a dance we perform together” could contribute because i enjoy watching intak perform and he just seems like a really gentle lover, possibly even a “ill love you like a dog” lover (which is kinda sad ngl)

❪  ❥ .   haku shota,  白翔太 ❫

every breath you take — the police

although this song is borderline creepy and stalker-y, it can be cute if you ignore that its about obsession!! i associate soul with this song mainly because of his beautiful boba eyes. the way his eyes follow his members (keeho) and how he looks at them with admiration and love. he’s very much “every step you take, i’ll be watching you.” but cutie patootie style.

she’s in the rain — the rose

i remember when i used to listen to this song every hour of everyday, just basking in the beauty of it. although this song is heartbreaking i can imagine editors managing to make it cute and loving about potato soul. he has such a warm heart (ignore that he wants to blow up the world) and this song is just yay.

❪  ❥ .   kim jongseob,  김종섭 ❫

right side of my neck — faye webster

i absolutely love this song by faye, and i have no idea why i think of seob when i listen to it, maybe because i feel like his love and affection would linger for a while when he’s gone and mainly because hes such a pookie and i want the right side of my neck to smell like seob (platonically though… totally)

sweet night — v

this song will probably always be my favourite i adore it so much and it makes me think of seob because its sweet and beautiful just like him. plus the instrumental and taehyung’s vocals are just chefs kiss. “i’m wondering, are you my bestfriend?” “if you are too good to be true”

[smolvenger]

Birthday Blurb Masterlist! Updated 4/7/24

Since for my birthday I asked for blurb requests, here they are all neat and tidy! Some of them are one-shots, but I wanted them somewhat organized! The overall theme was a trope in books with the various Tom Hiddleston characters!

Loki

The Honeymoon Phase Loki x Reader (Loki with "my wife.")

Summary: Amidst returning to work at the TVA, Loki is thrilled about his recent marriage to you.

Prince Hal

Rain Within Doors- Prince Hal x Reader (Prince Hal with "Touch her, and you die!"_

Summary: When the king falls ill, your betrothed, Prince Hal, returns.

My Lord Prince Hal x Reader (Prince Hal Love Confession)

Summary: After you dance with another man, Prince Hal, your royal intended has a confession to make... (SMUT)

Henry V

The Prince of Wales- Henry V x Reader (Henry V with first baby ((a boy)))

Summary: You have your first baby as Henry V's wife and queen a boy. You are relieved to finally provide him a male heir. But he is happy that you now have a baby together.

His Queen- Henry V x Reader (Henry V with "touch her, and you die!")

Summary: You are reunited with your regal husband during his conquest for France.

The Little Princess- Henry V x Reader (Henry V with first baby ((a girl))) Coming soon!

Prof! Hiddleston

In A World of Boys, He's a Gentleman Prof! Tom x Reader (Prof! Hiddleston love confession)

Summary: Collapsing into tears after a hellish week, your professor boyfriend confesses he loves you.

Caius Martius Coriolanus

Dangerous Stubbornness- Coriolanus x fem! Reader (Coriolanus with he falls first)

Summary: Life as wife to Caius Martius Coriolanus has its benefits. You married him for stability, protection, and status- not to mention the delights of his bed. You expect to be no more than his dutiful wife. Yet...it seems perhaps there is something more there then all of that.... (SMUT)

Taglist: @evelyn-kingsley@jennyggggrrr@five-miles-over@fictive-sl0th@ladycamillewrites@villainousshakespeare@holdmytesseract@eleniblue@twhxhck@lokisgoodgirl@lovelysizzlingbluebird@raqnarokr@holymultiplefandomsbatman@michelleleewise@wolfsmom1@cheekyscamp@mochie85@fandxmslxt69@skittslackoffilter@mischief2sarawr@asgards-princess-of-mischief

[receival]

bridgerton starters.

the following is a collection of sentence starters from season 1, episodes 1-2, of netflix’s bridgerton.

you do not know me, and you never shall.

do not worry, (name). it shall all be over in a matter of … hours.

the only thing i shall worry about, (name), is if i am to go before (title / name) looking anything like you in that ill-fitting frock.

i am already roasting!

are you to complain the entire day, (name)?

surely i cannot be expected to bear these fashions the entire day.

i feel like a princess. do i look like one?

do you truly wish to know what i think you look like?

i have imagined this day for so very long. and now it is finally here.

i would never miss such an important day for you and our family.

flawless, my dear.

did that truly just happen?

keep smiling, dearest. they are watching you. now more than ever.

you absolutely sparkled, (name)!

come now, i merely simpered and minced in a pretty dress like everyone else.

one flies too close to the sun, and …

what would you know of handsome suitors?

oh, this one is quite ravishing.

do not tell me that is yet another scandal sheet.

she calls you a … ‘diamond of the first water’. how lovely.

(name), put down that book at once. you shall confuse your thoughts.

you are known to be quite charitable.

the blemishes on her face are quite difficult to conceal. perhaps some arsenic and lead might help?

you too must recognize every eligible nobleman by sight before the danbury ball.

you may wish to listen to her, my lady.

oh, how much competition can this cousin provoke? she came of age on a farm.

someone will hear us, my lord -

i shall have you know this belonged to my father.

should it disappear, i’d miss it sadly.

then you’d know precisely how i feel - every time you disappear.

stay with me today.

(name). you have me, protecting you, too. i shall always protect you.

surely hours remain before tonight's ball. are you certain you cannot stay? in the interest of defilement?

well, if this is not a sight for sore eyes …

you must excuse the disorderliness. i am to host a ball this evening, as you know.

i have managed to keep the details of your return quiet, but when those vulgar mamas discover there is an eligible duke present at tonight's fete, well, i shall no longer be able to keep such a secret.

i suppose a brief appearance shall …

(name) … it is magical.

they are all staring, (name).

oh, i do love to dance.

should you like my flower? we grow them in our very own garden.

i must show you my watercolors some time. if you desire to see them.

(name). i did not see you there.

he is rather pleasing.

i presume you know of him, too?

i shall not have you making life with a poet. heaven forbid!

is there a reason i have yet to see you on the dance floor?

i am not entirely sure the matter in which we discuss, my lord …

you have always amused me, mr/ms. (last name).

am i honestly to believe you do not already know my name?

if you desired an introduction, madam, i do believe accosting me is the least civilized of ways.

if only it were not time for me to retire.

(name). i did not expect to see you here this morning.

i could not sleep for some reason. all the excitement, i presume.

appears as though it may rain.

i believe i should like to stay.

forgive me for not calling sooner. i had presumed your affections were already engaged.

i have met so many gentlemen over the past few weeks, i am unable to distinguish one from the next.

am i the only one who finds all of these affairs a bit … tedious?

i have a title. which, as far as i am concerned, will end with me.

would you stop - calling me that. it was my father’s name. never mine.

you shall not outrun them.

will it be just the two of us? yet again?

i know the rules i must follow.

(name) has all but declared me ineligible. worthy of the affection of a detestable simpleton and no one else. tell me ... what others will ever want such damaged goods now?

these musings … they are not true.

i had hoped to find a love match.

i am looking out for you. i am protecting you. it is my duty.

and what of my duty? you are not the only one with responsibility to this family.

this is all i have been raised for. this is all i am. i have no other value.

all eyes have been on me for my entire life.

should her degradation know no bounds?

he does have a presence about him …

is that envy i detect in your voice?

you appear displeased.

perhaps, your grace, it would be better if you refrained from thinking about me at all.

i assure you … i am anything but interested in you.

i am so glad you decided to join us this evening. it was most spontaneous of you.

i believed the two of you to be friends.

i know you think you are solving a problem, but you are not. that is all i shall say about the matter.

do not make this any more difficult than it already is.

it has been ten years. you can no longer use that excuse.

what i know … is that you shall never understand.

i cannot see you anymore.

you said you would always protect me. you promised to care for me, my lord. and now ... what shall i do now?

the resemblance is remarkable. you look just like him. your father.

feast your eyes above, and allow all that is radiant to overwhelm you.

you will never be my husband. i will never marry you.

do you think yourself better than me?

it would be best for you to leave.

now, as far as proposals go, that may be the least romantic of all.

i do not mock you. i am being sincere.

no one ever tells me anything.

breathe, your grace.

what are you doing in here, (name)?

he is smiling. the duke rarely smiles.

you do want our plan to succeed, do you not?

if you were truly courting me, you’d buy out every florist in town.

if i were truly courting you, i would not need flowers, only five minutes alone with you in a drawing room.

how is your hand this morning?

i have no interest in causing a scandal, mr/ms. (last name).

you must know you did nothing wrong.

there’s no need for your hysterics.

i hope you are not encouraging improper topics of conversation.

you gave me your word.

this is nothing more than a terrible confusion.

i should like to know what is going on.

one day, you will understand. one day, you will be most appreciative.

remind me again why you were the first person i chose to reacquaint myself with upon my return to town.

admit it, friend. you missed me.

i’d like to know what was going through your head last night and this morning.

you have to be more precise. a great deal goes on in a mind as quick as mine.

so, you are not dead after all.

i am afraid we are required to fan the flames of our charade.

we must look like we are enjoying ourselves, as difficult as that may be.

you are to be buried if you so much as look in her direction.

last night was a mistake, i admit.

there is not and never will be any kind of understanding between the two of us.

you are my worst failure.

go on, then. chastise me.

i do not care what kind of training you think you may have.

it is illegal, not to mention positively horrific.

suppose i desire something different.

mr/ms. (last name) … allow me to set my eyes upon you.

it is said one cannot judge a book by its cover.

are you not frightened, too, (name)?

i dare say i would be a fool at this point not to be terrified.

it must be taxing, the game of pretend that you feel you must endlessly maintain.

if we are truly to seem to be courting, if this is to be a match like no other, you should call me by my name.

is there something funny about my name?

speak, you fucking monster. speak!

[cuddlepilefics]

SKZ Season Greetings - 1

New Stray Kids sickfic series

Photoshoot

With many events lined up for Stray Kids to participate in, they had to split up their season greetings photoshoot. They did take their group photos within a small window of time, when all of them were able to meet at the decided location but they'd have to return over the course of the following week to have their individual shots taken. It was a little messy, especially for the staff organizing the outfits and make up but it was the only way they could make it work. That was how Changbin and Jeongin ended up heading to the outdoors location of their photoshoot together after getting their hair and makeup done at the company building. The weather was rather cloudy, which made things a little complicated as the photographer had to figure out the correct lighting but they were wearing their coats for as long as possible, so they'd be fine.

Slowly developing a bit of a chill, Jeongin lightly bounced on his feet to make sure he'd stay warm because he wouldn't willingly remove his coat to have his pictures taken if the wind got to him anymore than it already did. Changbin opened his coat and approached Jeongin, hugging the maknae from behind and wrapping his coat around both of them to keep him still. They had already had dance practice that morning and the younger would only end up sore and not really warmer if he kept moving like that. "You wanna go first?", the rapper offered, "I'm not really cold yet and you could go warm up once you're done." – "T-Thank you, hyung", Jeongin forced out between chattering teeth, nodding. Though he frowned at having to remove his coat, he did so quickly and stepped in front of the camera, eager to get it over with, while Changbin left for a moment to grab coffee for both of them.

Sipping his coffee had helped Changbin stay warm and he handed his dongsaeng the other paper cup as soon as he was done with his photoshoot. Jeongin shot him a grateful smile as he wrapped his stiff hands around the cup to warm them, careful not to spill any with how his hands trembled. Bundling up in his coat, the maknae sipped his coffee and watched Changbin posing for the camera while he slowly warmed up again. Now that Jeongin wasn't freezing his ass off anymore, he could see the beauty in the scene the staff had chosen though he still felt they should've been given more weather appropriate outfits. What he hadn't expected was for the skies to suddenly open and a merciless downpour to start. Everyone rushed to get the camera equipment and props somewhere dry, so nothing would get damaged. Jeongin pulled his hood up before running to help out and by the time him and Changbin had found shelter, the maknae's shoes had filled with water.

Jeongin frowned as he wiggled his toes within his wet socks before looking at Changbin. He gasped softly, realizing the rapper had been the only one not wearing a coat to protect himself from the rain. Changbin's previously neatly styled hair was plastered to his forehead now, rain still dripping down his face. With his clothes completely soaked, the rapper wrung out the lower part of his sweater and wiped his face before looking up. His heart still raced from the adrenaline but while he slowly calmed down, he felt the cold set in. By the time the adrenaline had worn off completely, the cold had seeped into Changbin's bones and although he had tried to dry himself off and keep moving, so he wouldn't freeze, it had barely helped. He was also unfortunate enough to not have a change of clothes with him because he had left them in the dressing room at the company building.

Seeing that they weren't going to continue with their shoot, the staff packed up the equipment, while their manager decided: "I'll drive you two back to your dorms. Please take a hot shower and warm up. Would be really inconvenient if anyone was to fall ill in the near future. Your schedule will continue with the next point in about an hour, so I'll pick you up and take you to the company building before that. Should be just enough time for a shower and a snack." Thanking him, Changbin and Jeongin got into the car, the rapper spreading his coat over the seat, so he wouldn't get the leather wet. Changbin was the first to be dropped off, barely able to open the car door with how hard he was shaking from the cold. He was glad when he finally entered the dorm he shared with Chan, Hyunjin and Jisung and headed straight to the bathroom. His skin tingled when the water hit him, his temperature perception completely off but the longer he stayed under the running water the more comfortable it became.

Changbin had had a hard time convincing himself to leave the shower but he knew he didn't have all day, especially not if he wanted to eat something before being picked up again. Dressed in his thickest sweatpants, the rapper slipped on a t-shirt and hoodie before making his way to the kitchen. He didn't have much time left but still wanted to have a hot meal, still feeling chilled to the core, so he made some ramyeon and texted Jeongin to see if the youngest was almost ready too. The makane hadn't taken nearly as long to shower as Changbin had and was already eating while he waited for his tea to steep. Figuring they might end up a little shivery for the rest of the day, Jeongin had prepared a large thermos, so they could share tea later.

The tea ended up highly appreciated because Changbin shuddered as soon as he stepped foot outside the dorm and the goosebumps didn't disappear even with the car's heater blowing on the highest setting, causing their manager to sweat. The rapper was quiet when they made their way to the studio to meet up with Chan and Jisung, feeling as though his energy had been drained completely by the earlier incident. His fellow producer of course noticed and Jeongin poured Changbin a cup of tea as soon as they arrived because he still shivered from time to time. "What happened to you?", Chan frowned as he took off his headphones. Seungmin had just finished recording his lines and left minutes before the pair arrived, so Jeongin could record. Shooting the maknae a grateful smile, Changbin wrapped his hands around the cup and muttered: "The rain hit right when we were doing the photoshoot and we got soaked completely as we tried to get all the equipment to safety. We took a shower and changed into warm clothes before coming here because there was no use finishing the shoot in that downpour." – "Well, Changbin-hyung was the one to really get soaked completely", Jeongin corrected softly, "For me it was just my shoes and the lower half of my pants but yeah, it was pretty cold and I figured we'd still be cold despite the shower, so I brought tea to make the rest of the day more bearable." Hearing that, Chan quickly adjusted the heating and told his dongsaengs to let him know if there was anything he could do.

While Jeongin did really well initially, his voice soon sounded strained and Chan asked him to take a break. Changbin made the maknae sip some of the tea, humming: "You feeling alright? Don't catch a cold." – "I'm okay", Jeongin smiled but gladly sipped the tea, "I'm just really tired, so I think that's why my voice sounds forced. It's like my body needed all its energy to keep up its temperature and now there's nothing left for anything else." – "Ah, I know what you mean", Changbin nodded, "Feeling incredibly rundown and sleepy despite barely doing anything?" The younger nodded, glad someone understood though the statement had Chan worried. Sure, he had noticed Changbin being rather withdrawn but having the rapper admit to the fatigue was more than he had expected. They could compensate for one sick member but if both of them ended up falling ill, things would be even more chaotic than they already were.

When Jeongin's next attempt at recording failed, Chan instructed: "I want you to take a break and rest your voice for today, Innie. Yeah, I know it's frustrating but it really sounds like you'd be hurting yourself if you try to force it. Seungmin should be only a few doors down practicing his lines, so maybe you can join him and memorize the lyrics." Sighing, the maknae agreed and got ready to leave. He had intended to leave the thermos because Changbin still seemed to be freezing but the older wouldn't let him. "The way your voice sounds, you need the tea a lot more", Changbin insisted, placing the thermos into the other's backpack, "Take care and don't be to hard on yourself, Innie."

"You know, the same goes for you", Chan reminded once the door closed behind their dongsaeng, "You look really unwell." – "I mean, yeah, I'm exhausted and my head's starting to hurt but that's about it", Changbin shrugged, running the cuff of his sleeve under his nose, "I'm like 90% sure that it will be fine after getting a good night's sleep but for now, it's meh...." – "Then take it easy for now, so it doesn't end up getting worse than 'meh'", the leader sighed sympathetically. Sure, none of them was very good at taking it easy but they couldn't take any chances right now, not with how many events were lined up in the upcoming weeks. Changbin also didn't have much of a choice when it came to taking it easy. With how tired he was, he had a hard time focusing and eventually accepted the painkillers Jisung handed him, hoping he'd have a better time if the headache improved but his mind remained hazy even after the pain got better.

Though he had been a little sniffly throughout the evening, it was only when Changbin got to his feet to finally go home for the night, that the congestion in his sinuses shifted, making it impossible for him to breathe threw his nose. With watering eyes, Changbin made his way to the car and rested his head against the window during the drive. He could tell where this was going and although his friends hadn't pointed it out again, he knew that they had caught on too. As Changbin got ready for bed, Chan stopped by for a moment. The Aussie didn't want to keep his dongsaeng up any longer but let him know: "Sure, it would get messy with our schedules but if you end up not feeling well, we will figure something out. I will talk to management for you, so if you end up really coming down with something, please tell me and don't go hiding it until you're in far worse condition." – "You wouldn't have had to bring that up", Changbin muttered as he folded back the corner of his blanket, "Thank you though. Surely hope I can just sleep it off but we'll see." Chan hummed in agreement, telling him to feel better before going to bed himself.

Changbin gave a stuffy sigh as he got under his blanket, pulling it tight in hopes that he might feel a little warmer then. He still hadn't been able to shake the chill and if he hadn't been exhausted to the bone, he probably wouldn't have been able to fall asleep at all. The medicine Jisung had given him had long since worn off and his head was pounding, the pressure in his sinuses only making the pain worse but he didn't want to get back up to take another dose. He could last till the morning and if it still hurt, he'd take something then.

It wasn't yet morning when Changbin awoke again, disoriented and unsure why exactly he had woken up. He was drenched in sweat, the sheets clinging to his skin as he sat up. Rubbing at his face, Changbin caught two rough sneezes in his hands and winced. He hadn't expected to be feeling this much worse in such a short time span but appreciated Chan's reassurance even more now because he doubted he'd be able to go to work the next day. His fears were confirmed when he got to his feet and his head swam. Stumbling a little, Changbin was eventually able to make his way to the kitchen and sip some warm water as he leant against the counter.

Having had a weird gut feeling, Chan had ventured out of his room again when he heard shuffling footsteps and wasn't too surprised to see if was Changbin. "You look awful, mate", the oldest hummed, startling the rapper so badly he almost dropped his glass. Apologizing, Chan rested his palm against his dongsaeng's forehead and mutter: "Well, I'm for sure going to call you in sick tomorrow. You're burning. When did it go downhill this badly?" – "I dunno", Changbin sniffled, massaging his temples, "Just woke up like this." – "Alright, how about we get you back to bed and I'll fetch you some cold medicine?", the Aussie offered, wrapping his arm around the other's shoulders. He cringed when he realized how sweaty his friend's back was.

Changbin was shocked how much effort it took him just to get back to his room and sighed when he found the damp sheets a tangled mess at the foot of the bed. "Here, sit", Chan instructed easing the rapper down on the edge of the bed before picking up the blanket. Leaning against the wall because sitting up by himself seemed way too draining, Changbin closed his eye and listened to his hyung rummaging around his closet. Chan had changed the sheet in no time, making sure his dongsaeng also put on a fresh shirt before heading to the bathroom to get the medicine while the younger settled back into bed.

Once Changbin was medicated and tucked back into bed, Chan headed to bed himself, knowing full well that the next day would be utter chaos.

[amberjazmyn]

always with me 💔

pairing : max verstappen x fem!reader, lando norris x fem!reader, oscar piastri x fem!reader & charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of westlife's song "always with me" we will see four of the f1 grid drivers (m.verstappen, l. norris, o. piastri and c. leclerc) or their partner deal with someone they love pass away, a verse or line or two of the song describing it

warnings : tears, death, mentions of f1 death, mentions of terminal illnesses and dodgy google translations 

a/n : this is going to be written in the same format as the last one-shot since i loved that so much. the lyrics in bold italics and everything else will be in normal font and lowercase. and as a disclaimer, what i have written is not to sensationalise or capatalise on any of the real-life deaths talked about whilst fake deaths will also be talked about. it is awful that real-life crashes have occured during an f1 race, this is just a work of fiction with real-life elements to make the storyline make more sense. 

max verstappen:

we share our life together, built our dreams forever, this much i know that is true. but i'd give anything to see your smile again and have just one more dance with you

you and max had shared everything together, from sharing the same dreams to just sharing the simple things of life with one another. however, that was no longer going to happen. a couple of months ago, just short of your three-month wedding anniversary, you passed away from a terminal illness and it completely blindsided both you and your new husband, max. of course it did, no one had expected you to become so ill but, you did and there was nothing that could have stopped it nor could have possibly prevented it from killing you. because it had been detected so late, it was already at the stage of being completely incurable, and not even chemotherapy or any other kind of therapy was able to help prevent it.

tears streamed down max's face as he sat himself down at the new gravestone that had just been put up for you. max verstappen was a well-known formula 1 driver with red bull and right now, he would be driving the british grand prix at silverstone but right now, he had graciously been given bereavement leave by red bull, which was why he was still in the netherlands, at the cemetery where his wife would forever lay. placing the bouquet of flowers on your headstone, max leaned back, sitting back down, grateful that the grass wasn't wet from any rain that was supposedly meant to come through the day before. this was a regular thing for max to do since getting his paid bereavement leave, come down to the cemetery and visit your gravestone. sometimes he'd stay for as short as five minutes to as long as one time he didn't leave the cemetery until it was two minutes from the gate's closing time. but, today, it was obvious for max that today wasn't going to be a day he'd want to stay too long. it was too painful for him to stay any longer than an hour because, for some reason, today was not the best day for him and he just couldn't fathom why.

max sighed, wiping his tears away as he immediately thought up his favourite things about you. saying them in dutch since he remembers just how much you loved it when he'd speak dutch to you. the thing he loved the most about you was your smile. your smile was his favourite thing about you. he was envious of how bright and happy it always was. he then suddenly snickered softly after a memory passed through his mind. the memory wasn't anything too big or dramatic but, it was just a small memory that he wishes he could have held onto forever. it was at your wedding night a couple of months ago just before you guys were set to do your first dance. oh... that was another thing, how he wished he could just have one last dance with you. you were such an amazing dancer that it made up for max's not-so-coordinated dancing considering he was built to be an f1 driver and not a dancer. not that max was an awful dancer however, i mean, he would sometimes do really well when he was messing around or playing just dance on the wii but, he was the worst when it came to freestyle dancing. whereas you were the royal highness of freestyle dancing but most especially contemporary since that was the dancing you were taught the most as a child. which always confused everyone when you and max said you'd known each other since childhood because the question was "how?" since max was always doing karting and you were always doing dance competitions. 

you giggled as you noticed your now-husband, max staring at you as you smiled, "waar ben je naar aan het staren?" you giggled as max giggled too as he held you closer, just as you were about to go to the dance floor for you and your husband's first dance as mr and mrs verstappen what are you staring at?

"jouw lach. het is de hele dag niet één keer veranderd. en ik wilde ook alleen maar naar mijn vrouw staren, is dat nu illegaal, mevrouw verstappen?" max teased as you giggled again, your smile staying plastered on your face like it had been the whole day your smile. it's not changed once this whole day. and also, i just wanted to stare at my wife, is that now illegal, mrs verstappen?

"ja, omdat ik blij ben, meneer verstappen. en natuurlijk is het oké dat je naar me staart, en het is niet illegaal, ik was gewoon in de war. bovendien hebben we onze eerste dans en ik wil niet dat mensen op ons wachten," you whispered back as max rolled his eyes as he reluctantly walked out to the dance floor with you yeah, because i'm happy, mr verstappen. and, of course, it's okay for you to stare at me, and it's not illegal, i was just confused. besides, we have our first dance and i don't want people waiting for us

you and max then danced your first dance as the verstappen's and, you couldn't help the smile that stayed on your face. you were so proud of max because he had finally gotten the steps of the first dance correctly. and, like you always told him, he was a good dancer, he just had to focus on the steps but to not forget to also not to overthink it too much, because that's why he'd often mess up during rehearsals. because he'd be overthinking the moves too much as well as worrying about his f1 physique and it would confuse him and that would be the reason why he'd just suddenly stop halfway through their dance rehearsals for their wedding whilst you would just continue.

the guests continued to cheer as you and max ran off the dance floor as everyone else ran onto it so they could continue the party as the slow song that was playing for the first dance was all of a sudden changed to an upbeat track. then, you just kissed max because of how proud you were of him for not overthinking the steps and being so seamless in his dancing. you guys then starting whispering to each other in english, even though you'd usually speak in dutch if you didn't want others hearing you, no one was going to because they were all so focused on the fact that the real party of the wedding had finally started. so you didn't feel like you had to speak in dutch. 

"...see, i told you maxie! you can dance! you just did it then and you didn't mess up once, you were perfect!" you bursted out in pride as max smiled, his cheeks going pink

"yeah, because you were with me and you're like, the royal highness of dancing, babe. that's the only reason, if i had to do that entire thing on my own, i'd be falling over and dancing with two left feet!" max rolled his eyes dramatically which made you roll your eyes as well

"oh yeah, that's a lie babe! you weren't overthinking and you weren't trying to do too many things at once, that's why. and besides, you can dance, and you can dance more amazingly then you actually give yourself credit for considering you are a formula 1 driver..." your voice was fading as max was leaving the memory and back to real life when he heard the voice of a slightly younger woman who was sitting down at a gravestone next to him, speaking in dutch, a different contrast to the english between you and max 

"...gaat het, lieverd?" the girl asked, noticing that max was now sobbing silently, slightly frightened by the new voice but nodded his head as he smiled at the girl - she couldn't have been any older than twenty-seven are you okay darling?

he then noticed the gravestone that she was kneeling in front of and his heart almost broke. it seemed like she was visiting the grave of her spouse, just like he was.

"ja sorry. het gaat goed met me," max giggled uncomfortably as the girl offered max a tissue, which he gladly accepted as she then moved closer and started asking questions about who's gravestone it was that max was sitting in front of yeah, sorry. i'm fine

"als ik vragen mag, wie zie je dan?" the girl questioned as he smiled, wiping his tears away and sniffled if i may ask, who is it that your seeing?

"mijn vrouw... we waren net een paar maanden geleden getrouwd, maar helaas werd zij binnen een paar weken na ons huwelijk ongeneeslijk ziek en overleed niet lang daarna..." max trailed off as the girl sighed in empathy as she nodded her head my wife...we had just got married a couple of months ago but, sadly, she unfortunately, got terminally ill within a couple of weeks after our wedding and then passed away not long after that

"...en jij? wiens graf is dat?" he then asked softly as the girl smiled in the same way that max had what about you? whose grave is that?

"mijn man... hij is twee jaar geleden overleden, we waren geliefden op de middelbare school en toen kreeg hij niet lang nadat we getrouwd waren ook kanker, net zoals jouw vrouw. Ik weet niet hoe, maar we kwamen er doorheen en toen stierf hij op een avond in mijn armen..." the girl trailed off, however there were no tears as she explained it and it kind of gave max some hope that he'll eventually stop crying when explaining what happened to his own wife my husband...he passed away two-years-ago, we were high school sweethearts and then he developed cancer not long after we got married too, just like your wife did. i don't know how but, we get through it and then, he died in my arms one night

"...oh, het spijt me zo om dat te horen. en als ik het niet erg vind: hoe lang duurde het voordat je stopte met huilen toen mensen je naar hem vroegen?" max questioned with a small sniffle, his tears starting to subside as the girl smiled oh, i'm so sorry to hear that. also, if you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you to stop crying when people asked you about him?

"persoonlijk duurde het bij mij tot een paar weken geleden, maar dat betekent niet dat het bij jou zo lang zal duren. ik ben niet beschut, ik weet wie je bent, max verstappen, maar als je terugkeert naar de formule 1, zal het je helpen sneller te genezen. misschien duurt het een jaar of misschien zelfs een paar maanden. er is geen goed of fout. als je morgen stopt met huilen, is dat ook goed. en in welke herinnering zat jij toen ik merkte dat je huilde als ik het vraag, want ik heb dezelfde herinnering elke keer als ik hier kom om mijn man te bezoeken," max smiled as the girl asked him that personally, for me, it took around until a couple of weeks ago but, that doesn't mean that it'll take that long for you. i'm not sheltered, i know who you are, max verstappen, but when you return to formula 1, it'll help you heal quicker. maybe it'll take a year or maybe even a couple of months. there's no wrong or right. if you stop crying over it tomorrow, that's okay as well. also, what memory were you in when i noticed you were crying if you don't mind me asking, because i have the same memory every time i come here to visit my husband

"onze eerste dans op onze bruiloft. ik ben uiteraard niet de beste danseres, maar mijn vrouw, zij... zij was de beste danseres ooit. maar eerlijk gezegd was ze een getrainde hedendaagse danseres, dus het is logisch dat ze een betere danseres is dan ik, maar ja. ik geef er alles voor om haar te zien lachen en nog één keer met haar te dansen..." max trailed off as the girl nodded her head and stood up and walked away our first dance at our wedding. i'm not the best of dancers, obviously, but my wife, she...she was the best dancer ever. in fairness to her though, she was a trained contemporary dancer so, it makes sense that she's a better dancer than me but, yeah. i just give anything to see her smile and have one more dance with her

but, before she did walk away, she told max what memory she has about her husband, "...dat is mooi, want ik heb precies dezelfde herinnering aan mijn man en ik op onze bruiloft tijdens onze eerste dans. mijn man was ook een geschoolde hedendaagse danser en was een veel betere danser dan ik..." that's lovely because, i have the same exact memory of my husband and i at our wedding during our first dance. my husband was also a trained contemporary dancer and was a way better dancer than i was

lando norris:

now i'm half the man without you, and it's getting harder every day

lando couldn't breathe. well, he could but barely. it had barely been a couple of days after his best friend harry had dropped dead from what was a suspected suicide attempt and already, lando felt as though he was half the man without his best friend. it felt as though he would never be able to stop crying because it was all he found himself able to do. he was thankful to have you, his wife, your dog, the rest of his family and his formula 1 teammates by his side but, it still didn't feel whole like it would have if his best friend was alive. you could tell that this whole situation of his best friend killing hismelf and then having to rush home from the airport since the next f1 grand prix was supposed to start again after two weeks off to then rush to the hospital to be told his friend had died had exhausted him out. and then, on top of that, because lando was the closest person to his best friend by way of family, lando had to help in the planning of the funeral for his best friend and it was obvious how stressful this was for your grieving husband. the worst part of all was the fact it was being publicised everywhere because of lando's f1 fame. sure, the moment you become famous, basically everything about you becomes public knowledge but, this, this you thought was a little bit too far. who on this earth wants to read a news article about your husband's best friend dying of suicide? well, clearly the oddballs because your eyes widened at how many clicks this certain article that you had accidentally stumbled upon was receiving daily. your heart sank as you then lifted your head up from the image that had been photographed of your husband with the mother of the deceased best friend from a day or two ago to look at your husband, lando, who seemed to have the same sunken, grieving look on his face that he had in the photo.

you threw the tablet down to the bed and extended your hand out to lando who immediately grabbed it, "...what's going on in that head of yours, babe?" you questioned as lando huffed shakily as he shrugged his shoulders

"i...i have no idea, y.n. i'm just so stressed, i..." lando couldn't even finish his sentence because he just started to cry out of the blue - grateful that it was just you two in the house, the family giving the both of you a break

"...oh, honey. i know, it's not easy my love but you are doing so well!" you whispered as you tightly embraced lando as he continued to cry into your shoulder, his body sagged from exhaustion

"is this ever going to get easier?" lando whimpered as he closed his eyes and let the river of tears that welled in his eyes pour down his cheeks as you sighed, hugging your grief-stricken husband tighter

"i think so, lan. not right now because everything's happening so quickly with the planning of the funeral and all the phone calls you and harry's mum have had to make but, i do believe it'll get easier. the hurt you feel currently will start to fade and it won't hurt as much as it does right now. but, how long it'll take, i have no idea," you sighed softly as lando limply nodded his head

you could tell he was so exhausted but, it was the exhaustion that couldn't be fixed with sleep. however, you could tell that he was also tired, one that could be fixed with sleep. so, your heart broke in the knowledge that you didn't know what to do to help your husband. you didn't want to send him upstairs to your guys' room but you knew that the phone calls he and his best friend's mum were doing was causing him so much stress and you just wished you could take his pain away. so, you decided the best thing was for you to send lando up to your guys' bedroom to have a quick sleep while you and his best friend's mum continued the phone calls to the extended family and the rest of the planning that lando was tasked to do alongside his best friend's mum.

"lan, babe, i don't think you're in the right headspace to continue with the phone calls and funeral planning so, go upstairs and have a sleep for about an hour or two and i'll continue the phone calls and help harry's mum with the funeral planning until you wake up again, okay? is that okay with you?" you proposed as you could tell your proposal to help almost made lando cry all over again

"no, y.n, babe, it's fine, i can do it! i just needed to take a breather, i'm fine, i need to do it. harry's mum can't do it on her own, she needs me to help her..."

"...and i understand you want to help harry's mum, i get it, sweetheart. but, babe, look at the state of you, you are not in the right state of mind to be on the phone with his family and the funeral directors. there's a reason why his mum has been attempting to be this strong and it's because she has to. so, i'll ask you again, go upstairs to our room and i'll take care of this. what you need is sleep. you are wrecked and the only way you'll be able to continue is if you rest and take care of yourself. you are not okay, lan, you just lost your best friend..." you trailed off as lando's eyes closed and he covered his face with his hands

you felt awful for making your husband cry again but, it seemed as though lando was still in a battle of the denial and depression stages of grief and it had only been about, two or three days since his best friend passed away.

"...you need to take care of yourself babe, i'm sorry for making you cry again but, you cannot keep overwhelming yourself with these phone calls and everything else of the sort. remember, whilst the others on the grid don't know everything, they still know some of what's going on and like me, they also want to help. so, maybe, it'll be a good thing if you shoot them a quick text in the group chat or ring one of them and, once i've finished a couple of phone calls myself, i'll come upstairs to join you for that nap, deal?" you tried to convince lando but, it seemed like you didn't even need to try since lando just weakly nodded his head in agreement as you smiled softly with a head nod

"okay, i'll text the group chat and have a sleep. thank you, babe, i love you so much," lando whispered as he sauntered over to you and gave you a hug and the sweetest kiss as you smiled and nodded your head

"of course, babe. i didn't just marry you because of how attractive you are," you joked in the hope of getting your husband to giggle and, for a moment, it worked which you nearly screamed the house down over

but, it wasn't until you watched him ring up the group chat, oscar answering, that you truly realised how hard lando had taken the death of his best friend. whilst it brought tears to your own eyes, watching your husband be so grief-stricken and almost lifeless over the phone with oscar and his teammates broke your heart, you knew it was still something that brought that little bit of joy when he got to hear the voices of his f1 grid family on the other line of the phone that made this loss that little bit easier to deal with. 

sure, right now, a couple of days after the death of lando's best friend harry was going to be hard and painful but, it wasn't going to stay this painful forever and soon, lando would be able to find it easier to breathe and easier to be without his best friend.

oscar piastri:

i'll never let go, you're the one that keeps me breathing. time slows even though the world keeps spinning

it hadn't even been that long since you and oscar had gotten married in london's west end when the heartbreaking news of oscar's dad's death had been confirmed. you hadn't been at the hospital in london that day since you were running some errands but you knew that oscar was since there was a two week break inbetween the last and next grand prix and that, he'd need you the moment he gave you that specific code word to let you know that your father-in-law had passed away. so, when you received that code word from your husband, you dropped everything you were doing (literally) and you rushed to the car.

you knew that oscar's heart was shattered and that he was barely breathing. even for you, your world was slowing down but you could not imagine how slow oscar's was whilst the world around him kept spinning. so you knew you needed to hurry up because there was only so long oscar could keep his tears to himself before he'd just drop to the floor and cry.

thankfully, you weren't that far away and you had arrived in a whopping five minutes that would normally have been fifteen minutes from where you were to the hospital that mr piastri had been in. and, almost immediately, you could tell by the distraught look on oscar's face that he was seconds from breaking down into tears. so, very quickly, as your world started to speed up to normal speed again and oscar's stayed at slow, you managed to whisk him out of the hospital room and into the privacy of the hospital's waiting room hallway as you held your husband ever so tightly as he just cried and cried and cried.

you couldn't help the tears that streamed down your own cheeks as oscar sobbed hysterically into your shoulders. it seemed like his tears weren't ever going to stop as you rubbed your hand up and down his back in a very futile effort to console him but, it was as though he was inconsolable and you couldn't blame him. you knew exactly what the loss of a parent felt like, you lost your own dad when you were twelve years old, two years after you had met oscar for the first time actually and you just remembered how supportive oscar and his whole family were. but, none were more supportive and helpful in your grief then oscar's dad, when you would sometimes be inconsolable, mr piastri just knew the things to do and say to you that would get those tears to stop and it was only in this moment that you wished you had recorded those words on your phone so that you could play them for oscar right now. because it seemed like no matter what you whispered or did, nothing could possibly help stop oscar's cries of pain, anguish and grief over the loss of his father.

"...i am so sorry, baby. your dad loved you so much. and you were such an amazing son to him as well, never forget that..." you trailed off, slightly disheartened that nothing you could say could console your husband but, you had to remember that this was only hours recent for oscar whereas, for you, it's been up to a decade, even longer since your own dad died

so, you took a deep breath and you pulled out of the hug. which, of course broke your heart because seeing your husband cry was the worst thing in the world for you, you just coached him into taking some deep breaths. because, since he was crying so much and his breathing was uneven, he was going to start to hyperventilate which would send him into a panic attack which was not what you or oscar needed. so, finally, oscar got his breathing under control and his tears slowly but surely started to cease and his wails were no longer loud, the tears were silent and his breathing was slightly shaky. but, this oscar, this oscar was easier to comfort and talk to whereas the other oscar that was sobbing and wailing was not easy to talk to since it wasn't registering in his mind that someone was talking to you, let alone his own wife.

"...osc, my love, do you feel somewhat better?" you whispered after calming down oscar as he shrugged his shoulders after he had hesitated to nod his head yes

"i...i don't know...dad's gone, babe. my dad's dead..." oscar trailed off as tears started to well in his eyes again as you squeezed his hand tightly, telling him that it was okay to cry absolutely but not to work himself up in the state he was before

"...i know babe. i know he's gone but, we need to calm down because we can't help if we're hysterical, alright? so, what do you need to do and what do you want to do? do you want to stay here with your family and ring the important people or do you wanna go home and i can ring everyone from home?" you gave oscar options, knowing if he'd be unsure, he could pick from the options you gave him which, you could tell appreciated as he wiped his tears off his cheeks as he composed himself

"umm, can...can we go home? i can't, i can't stay here anymore..." oscar sniffled as he wiped more tears from his cheeks as you nodded your head

"...of course we can babe, we don't need to say here but, it'll be helpful to tell your mum that we're leaving and if there is anyone we need to call, we can do it for them, okay?" you proposed as oscar nodded his head

"thank you," he whispered, resting his head on your shoulder as you bit your lip, brushing your fingers through his messy hair

"of course, sweetheart. it's not a problem or worry at all. if you need to go back home, we'll go back home," you whispered back and kissed your husband, only wishing you could take his pain and go through it all over again with your dad's death so he didn't have to with his own dad

by the time you and oscar had let mrs piastri know that you guys were going home but if there was anyone they needed to call to lessen the stress on her and everyone else, they'd do it. she thanked you and oscar and said there wasn't anyone in the family they needed to call. but, if you wanted to call his team leader at mclaren and the rest of the f1 grid to let them know, that you could do that because you both knew that oscar would need their help over anyone else's and, you agreed.

even though oscar's world was spinning ever so slowly whilst everyone else's was spinning normally, you promised you weren't going to let his world stay spinning slowly nor would you let it spiral out of control. so, you informed his f1 grid family of the news before the press could and asked if and when they could get over to london that it would be much appreciated since she knew she couldn't console her husband on her own.

but, there was no doubt in your mind that eventually, oscar's world would go back to spinning normally, just right now, it wouldn't be and that was okay. as long as it didn't stay spinning slowly forever, you were okay with that.

charles leclerc:

they say that time can heal a broken heart but i just don't know how this could be true. everyday i see a picture on my wall, my heart is broken into two.

your heart broke as you saw the melancholic look on your husband's face as he looked at the photo of his dad and godfather, herve leclerc and jules bianchi, that was hanging up on the wall of your guys' house. you could tell his heart was breaking into two. yours was as well. mr leclerc had died back in twenty-seventeen when charles was twenty just four days before charles would go on to win the feature race at the twenty-seventeen baku formula two round, two days before mr leclerc died, charles had lied to him saying he had been signed a contract with formula 1. jules, his godfather, dying in twenty-fifteen during a race, two years before herve would die from a terminal illness. two years, they had died within a space of two years and it was too much for anyone to handle however, it had now been a considerable amount of years since both deaths however, it was coming up to the annviersary of his godfather, jules, death. the anniversary of his dad's death just gone in june. charles was so young when he lost his godfather and then two years later, as he's months away from joining formula 1, he loses his dad. it was a grief and a  trauma that hung over the ferarri driver constantly. charles adored jules and his father, he loved them more than he thought he could have loved anyone, of course, other than the rest of his family and you, his wife. so, you just knew charles' heart was breaking every single day that passed because the only things he now has left of his dad and godfather were the photos and the videos and the memories they shared together, no longer having the opportunity to create new ones with them ever again. 

however, this day, you could tell that charles was thinking about something and it was eating away at him so, you asked him, "what's going on in that head of yours, charles?" you questioned softly, wrapping your arms around his waist as your head rested on his shoulder as he sniffled softly

"something that mum said to us not long after dad had died at jules' grave..." charles sniffled as your heart sank, you knew exactly what it was that charles was going to say since it was not a new thing anymore

"...yeah, what was it?" you asked even though you both knew what it was, you just knew it would be beneficial for charles to say it so, he said it

"they say that time can heal a broken heart but, i don't think that's true..." charles sobbed softly as you hugged him tighter as you sighed

"...your mum lost the love of her life, charles, of course she's going to say that...besides, you guys also lost your godfather two years earlier, what else could she have said..." you trailed off, hoping it wouldn't come off as offensive to your father-in-law and husband's godfather as charles smiled softly

"...i know but, could it be true? can time heal a broken heart?" charles wandered, it was truthfully something he wondered the moment his grief-stricken mother said those words after his dad died whilst at the grave of his deceased godfather

 "well, personally, my mum thinks so. i mean, she remarried the man who would become my father after her first love, well, who she thought was the love of her life, died so, i suppose time can heal a broken heart..." you trailed off as charles smiled as he nodded his head

"... mais, le voudriez-vous?" charles then questioned in french, no longer bothered to speak in english as that stumped you, what on earth was your husband talking about now? but, would you?

"je ferais quoi, bébé?" you questioned with a soft giggle as alex scoffed and introduced the thing that's called context would i what, babe?

"est-ce que tu pourrais te remarier avec un autre homme si j'étais mort avant notre mariage et si j'avais eleanor et sage?" charles questioned as this stumped you even more even though you couldn't deny the fact you had thought about this, especially after jules' as you guys weren't old enough to be having kids let alone be in a serious commited relationship yet not so much after mr leclerc's either even though you were now married and had two daughters, you were more focused on the grief of the family that you had no time to think about it after mr leclerc's death would you possibly remarry another man if i had died before we got married and had eleanor and sage?

"well, i don't know, amore. i mean, mum's first husband died because he was terminally ill and knew that he wouldn't stay alive for the two of them to get married and have the timeline that he wanted so, he allowed my mum to fall in love again so she could still have the timeline that she wanted so, that's what she did. she met my dad, fell in love, and then got married and then had her seven kids. but, if you were to die on me now with our two kids and the third on the way, who knows what i'd do because maybe i won't or maybe i will fall in love again but, because i'm not in that situation, i have no idea... what about you, would you remarry if i died?" you responded with your answer, switching back to english seamlessly and then asked charles the same question as he sniffled, wiping away his tears

"well...yeah, i don't know. maybe if weren't already married and with our three kids, i'd consider marrying again but, because i'm with you and have our three kids, i don't think i would because you're all i want in my life...and, i think that's why mum said that..." charles trailed off as tears continued to stream down his face which you could tell was starting to slightly annoy him

"...yeah? because she knew there was no one else that she would love the same way or as greatly as she loved your father. as well as she knew that no matter how long it had been since the loss of both jules and your father, that she felt like time would never make it better. and it's true, some people who do become widows or widowers don't ever get married or even find another person because their person before was the only one for them and in their minds, there was no one else for them but that one person..." you trailed off as charles nodded his head, you could tell the cogs in his head were spinning so you allowed him and waited for his next thought

"...i just, i still can't believe, after so many years, that both jules and dad are gone, like, they're never coming back, babe..." charles' voice broke off at the end as his eyes widened once he realised what he had just said as your heart broke

"...oh, babe..." you trailed off as you turned charles around into your embrace, away from the photo on the wall and let him cry into your shoulder

you knew that charles just wished he could see his dad and godfather again instead of having to constantly look at the photos and the memories of his dad and godfather. but, you also knew that he knew that jules and mr leclerc were always going to be with him, whether that was on the f1 track or in his everyday life. you just hoped he knew that you were also going to always be with him no matter what.

fin

okay, this one was kinda messy and i'm pretty sure the european languages to english were dodgy as fuck but at this point i'm proud of myself alright? also, i'm sorry that this was super depressing, for those who are reading my books for the first time, depressing shit and angst is kind of my specialty but, in saying that, i do write happier and fluffier stuff, i just write angsty shit a whole lot better and seamlessly without making it awkward. also, just as a disclaimer, this was not at all meant to be disprespectful to those real people that have been lost in the real-life context of this one-shot since it was only two people and that was jules bianchi and herve leclerc since the other three were completely fictional deaths.

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - Slow Torture - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Mel and Silco quibble over patience and entitlement :)

Nsfw

"That's the trouble with you Topsiders. Too much entitlement and its expectation of fulfillment."

Her face darkens. "Is that your game, then? Make me beg for it?"

Her temper is climbing again. One ill-timed word, and it will spark. That's how it goes between them. In a heartbeat, their dance can go from a blissful waltz to a volatile volta. Yet that tantalizing ebb and flow is what keeps them circling closer and closer. Intimacy hidden in attrition.

"Beg?" Silco says. "Hardly."

Beneath the shroud of her skirt, his hand slides up her bare thigh, cool-tipped and ghostly. Medarda'a lips part on a shaky gasp. But the urge to reclaim her space has become vestigial. His hand shapes itself to her mons, over the strip of lace. Deliciously damp—and not from rain. 

His thumb imparts a caress; slow, lulling, hypnotic. Medarda's throat works, a cry smothered.

It's a game between them. A safe game, no territory taken.  Except the smokeless heat between their bodies burns as intensely as nakedness.

"You already have it all," Silco whispers. "What I want from you is something different."

"Wh-what?"

"To see what happens when I take it away." His lips touch her ear, a slithering whisper that echoes the more secretive slither between her thighs. "Everything."

Medarda's breath stutters nonsensically. The rest of her yields like taffy—except the stir of hips, that won't stay still for any price. Her gasps are continuous now, filling the soundproofed cabin, and then climbing a full octave as her steady tremors give way to hard spasms. 

Her kisses are like her conversations: a silken tease. Her orgasms are like her temper: a floodgate unleashed.

Afterwards, she sags in his arms. Heavy lids, parted lips, sleek skin.  A lassitude of trust. Silco withdraws his hand, popping his fingers into his mouth. Licks every tart drop of her into himself.  His other palm cradles her head. She nuzzles it like a pillow. Like she can rest there. Her eyes droop shut.

"So why deny yourself?" she breathes. "Why deny me?"

"Do I deny you?"

Unexpectedly, her palm sleeks up his trouserfront, first with a tease of fingertips, then with a sudden bold grasp that knows exactly where he lives. From under her lashes, she watches the planes of Silco's face alter, hardening into hunger.

"You do," she purrs. "Worse, you enjoy it."

Silco peels her hand away, squeezing out a gasp. The aggression doesn't frighten her. Her stare holds a hungry luminosity.

"Anticipation," Silco says, "is its own pleasure."

Medarda retorts by folding their bodies together. Their mouths find each other. The first biting kiss gives way to others more devouring. He shoves her back against the seat, making himself heavy. Feeds on her with open mouth and hands, and she spreads for him like the silkiest Venus flytrap, loosening before his very eyes even as her arms and legs encircle him tight.

The limo rolls to a stop.

Reflexively, Silco and Medarda disentangle. Silco adjusts his suit with precision. Medarda meticulously refreshes her make-up. 

Their eyes meet. No evidence of wrongdoing except their breathing, still ragged in the dark.

"Anticipation," Medarda says, "is becoming slow torture."

[mdhwrites]

Would the boiling rain of toh be considered a MacGuffin?

So no and this is mostly a definitional thing. I like OSP's definition of it (Overly Sarcastic Production) that a Mcguffin is an object people are after who's purpose honestly doesn't matter, just the journey it sparks matters. In this regard, Titan's Blood in Eclipse Lake is a Mcguffin.

...Which then turns into a plot device which the boiling rain could be considered. This isn't a negative label though. A LOT of story elements are plot devices. Grom as an example is also a plot device. It's something introduced to cause the plot of an story, much like how an inciting incident is used to spark the beginning of a larger plot.

Usually how good a plot device is or isn't comes down to how natural it is/how good the plot it triggers is. The boiling rain and Grom are actually both pretty good as they're both natural extensions of the setting and what you might expect to happen regardless. The fact that they both lead to good stories, with the Boiling Rain making a great problem of there being no escape and Grom's use of multiple tropes together allowing for something more interesting than a generic dance plotline being good signs of what honestly could have been for much of the show.

In contrast, we have an episode like Elsewhere Elsewhen where the plot device of the time portals are ill thought out, ill defined, don't feel natural, especially in how they require Titan's Blood to find, and worse yet are inconsistent in their own episode. Literally the one rule about them, they can't show up in the same place twice, makes absolutely no sense. Now this isn't uncommon for time travel plots because they're inherently disruptive but the plotline it introduces isn't compelling either. The old Isles is dreadfully boring, erasing much of what made the setting interesting and Philip is the cornerstone for much of why Belos is so extremely boring, even if to many he's also why he's interesting because they give him so much lore that goes nowhere.

I want to mention that a lot of characters can act temporarily as plot devices too. When done well, you get something like Something Framed actually, where we already know about Gus' status as an outcast and as running a club about humans so those two coming together for a plotline is incredibly natural. Kind of the problem that TOH runs into though with using characters as plot devices is that it's really bad at character growth because the best versions of this come from pushing against a part of a character's personality and seeing where it goes, especially when used for a lesson. A LOOOOOOT of Amphibia's writing is actually predicated on this, such as pushing Polly's tomboy nature versus Anne's mere flirtations with it for their conflict during the IOU episode in S1.

When done poorly though... You get Willow. A character who's plotlines either seem like they come out of nowhere or are rushing back to dredge up old problems again just for the sake of having something to do with them. King and Gus actually suffer similarly where it feels like we're going around in circles with them. For Willow, it's almost always about backstory for her rather than her actual character. When it is, the element at play is usually effectively introduced that episode with little of the build up that makes character exploration interesting.

A reminder: Hooty's Moving Hassle is actually the BEST use of Willow as a plot device because it's directly addressing her bullied relationship with Amity, her lack of control and her issues of self worth even now that she has power. However, this was done so extremely poorly, with the episode focusing so hard on Amity, that the fandom took literally over an entire season to realize it had resolved her issues with not being able to control her powers. That's not even a joke because there were plenty after S2A who were upset that they hadn't explored Amity and Willow's relationship OR her power struggles.

Admittedly, part of this is just because Willow is quite literally not a character in S2A with only two appearances that might as well be cameos for how in character they are.

But yeah, in short plot devices are complicated and the best plot devices are ones you don't even pause to think about, either because they feel incredibly natural or because you're having too much fun to care about the whys of what's happening.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[foundtherightwords]

Sunlight Through the Mist - Chapter 7

Pairing: Hellcheer (Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham) Regency AU

Summary: Having witnessed the broken marriage of his parents, Edward Munson, Baron Hurstfield, always regards love with a cynical eye. When circumstances compel him to marry and produce an heir, he quickly proposes to Christine Conyngham, a debutante whose reputation is hanging by a threat after an ill-fated affair. All Edward wants is to save his family estate, but as beautiful, fragile Christine finds her way into his wary heart, their marriage of convenience may become something neither of them ever expects - a union of love.

Warnings: angst, past domestic violence, suicide attempt, smut (non-explicit)

Chapter warnings: smut (non-explicit, but a little more detailed than "Love in a Mist", simply because my confidence in writing smut has grown a lot since then 😏)

Chapter word count: 4.6k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6

Chapter 7

When he came out of his daze, Edward found himself half-lying, half-sitting near the bottom of Wild Boar Hill. All around him were mud and rocks. A large boulder had stopped his fall, and it was a miracle that he'd managed not to get his skull dashed to pieces against it. He tried to get to his feet and felt a stabbing pain all along his right leg. There was a heavy weight on and around his leg, preventing him from moving.

Wiping the mud from his eyes, Edward realized that the weight was from a pile of rocks. When he fell, his leg must have slipped into some shallow ditch. The rocks from the landslide had then piled up around his leg, not crushing it thanks to the ditch, but trapping him there all the same. He sat up and tried to lift the rocks, but they must weigh a ton, and he was too weak from a night out in the rain and the cold. He strained and strained until his arms gave way and he slumped back against the boulder, exhausted. It was no use shouting for help; nobody could hear him. Well, there was nothing he could do now. He prayed that Warlock would have the sense to run back to Hurstfield Hall, and they would come searching for him. He prayed that it would stop raining soon and that there would not be another landslide. He prayed that his leg would survive.

As he closed his eyes again, the thought of Christine entered his mind unbidden. He'd hardly thought of her since taking her leave the previous night, so preoccupied he was with the flood and the safety of his tenants. But now his head was filled with her—Christine laughing and dancing at the feast, her hair coming loose under the wreath, Christine snuggling up to him during the drive home under the relentless rain, her shape fitting exactly into the curve of his arm as if she were made to be there, Christine standing in the hall, her dress clinging to her body, the fear in her eyes when he told her he had to go. He was seized by a sudden longing to see her, to hold her in his arms as he had done so briefly during the dance. This time, he would not let her go so soon. No, he would not let go at all, if he could. What a fool he was, driving her away all those months, when he could have held her close...

He loved her. The realization came to him as abruptly and clearly as a bolt of lightning in an otherwise clear sky, yet to his surprise, he accepted it with little wonder. He had tried not to think about it, afraid of the implications and the consequences, but now, at the foot of this desolate hill, it seemed the most natural thing in the world. He didn't know when he'd begun to love her. Perhaps he'd loved her from their first encounter, from the moment he'd seen her little smile, a smile shared between them like a secret. Perhaps in trying to care for her after her illness, he had come to genuinely care for her; what had started as pity and guilt had blossomed into love and affection. Or perhaps he'd only fallen in love with her since the feast, after seeing her so radiant and alluring. It didn't matter. All he knew was that he loved her.

The longing became almost physical and drove him to strain against the rocks once more, until a sharp edge cut into his shin, forcing him to return to his position for fear of worsening his injuries. With this fear came more gloomy thoughts. Suppose Christine did not feel the same way? It was true that she had warmed toward him a great deal lately, and he'd often seen her blush when they accidentally touched or caught each other's eyes. But was he attaching too much significance to those little gestures? Suppose they meant nothing to her?

And then there was Joshua Craven... Edward had never given much thought to Christine's past, firmly believing that her choice to marry him was enough for him to trust her. But now, the light of love also brought with it the dark shadows of jealousy and doubt. He did not know what kind of man Craven was. What little he had seen of Craven's letter to Christine was affectionate, if a little clichéd and bland. All he knew was that Christine had loved Craven enough and was heartbroken enough by their parting to want to take her own life. Such a love could not be easily forgotten. Such a love could not be competed with.

If only he could see her now! If he could only look into her eyes and tell her—no, perhaps not tell her. How mortifying and painful for both of them if she didn't feel the same. It would ruin the precious companionship they had managed to build over the last few months. Perhaps he could try to guess...

A shuffling sound made him open his eyes.

It was Christine.

For a second, Edward couldn't believe what he was seeing, thinking he was dreaming, or his thoughts had manifested themselves into some sort of hallucination. But no, she really was there, picking her way through the mud and the rocks, holding on to Starlight's reins with one hand, her dark cloak sodden and splattered with mud. She walked right past him, then stopped mere feet from where he sat and looked around, apparently at a loss. She didn't see him, as he was partially hidden from view by the boulder, and dusk was falling.

Why was she here? Had she come after him? If so, why was she all alone?

"Christine?" he croaked.

There was a gasp as she spun around, and then she ran to him and knelt down next to him, careless of the mud and the sharp rocks. "Are you hurt? What happened?" He felt her trembling hands on his face, his shoulders, his arms, and let himself luxuriate in their softness and miraculous warmth for a moment, before giving her a brief version of his accident and showing her where his leg was trapped.

To his astonishment, Christine wrapped her hands around the topmost rock on the pile, trying to lift it.

"It's too heavy for you," he said, trying to hold her off. "Best go and get help."

"The nearest farm is Hopper's, and old Jim just broke his arm," Christine said shortly. "I don't want to leave you out here in this cold and wet for any longer." So she had stopped at the Hoppers'. His heart swelled when he realized she must have been searching for him.

"It's no use if you get hurt as well..." Edward said, but she ignored him and kept pushing, her lips pressed together into a determined line. He put his hands over hers, adding his strength to the push. The rock shifted infinitesimally. They both felt it and pushed harder, Christine's face turning red with the effort. Edward tried to push with his leg from underneath as well, biting back a scream as the rock pressed into his wound again. "Almost there... That's it!" He stood up, pulling his leg free of the ditch at last. He stumbled, his legs weakened after hours of sitting on the ground and unable to take his weight, but Christine's arms shot out, holding him steady.

He leaned against her, waiting for his breath to return to normal, listening to the sting of the cuts and scrapes on his leg and the ache of his muscles. Then his eyes settled on Christine smiling at him through her tears and the mud stains on her face, and all of his pains fell away in the light of that smile.

***

Edward thought Mrs. Wayne was going to have a fit when he and Christine were brought into the hall, covered in mud and blood. She did gripe and grouse, but she also had them cleaned and warmed with alacrity while they waited for the doctor. Edward, who was used to the housekeeper's ways, was worried that Christine may take offense with how Mrs. Wayne ordered them about, but Christine didn't seem to mind. If anything, she seemed to be enjoying Mrs. Wayne's nagging. Then there was a bit of fuss when Sinclair arrived, as Edward insisted that the doctor took care of Christine's hand, which was cut by the rock, before seeing to him, while Christine insisted that Edward's leg must be attended immediately. The doctor threw his arms up, exasperated, but after a quick glance at both of them, he relented and attended to the lady first, cleaning and wrapping Christine's hand under Edward's watchful eye.  

And then all was quiet again as Edward stretched out in front of the fire in his room, with his leg, which had suffered no worse than a sprain, elevated on a little stool. Now he could mull over his thoughts more carefully. In the commotion of their return, he'd had no moment alone with Christine, no opportunity to watch and observe her for evidence of her feelings for him. He could go into her room, he supposed, but her door was shut, as usual. At the foot of the hill, when he was facing certain death, his courage had burned high and he had dreamed of embracing Christine and telling her he loved her, but now, in the safety and familiarity of his old domain, he couldn't bring himself to cross the short stretch of floor that led into her room.

Which was why he almost jumped out of the chair when there was a knock on his door. Not the main door, but the door of the dressing room separating his and Christine's bedroom. It was her.  

Edward opened his mouth to answer, only to discover his throat had gone dry. He swallowed. "Come in," he said and was annoyed with himself for sounding so shaky.

Christine opened the door but lingered on the threshold. She had on a shawl, though he was a little disappointed to see it tightly wrapped around her body instead of loosely draped like the last time she'd come into his room.

"What is it?" he asked. He tried to compensate for his quivering voice earlier, and now it came out too harsh.

Christine hesitated, then held out the handkerchief he'd used to bind her hand earlier. "I want to return this to you," she said. Edward frowned. That is all? Why would she come to him in the middle of the night only to give back a stained handkerchief? "And to see if you are comfortable," she added. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Thank you, I'm fine," he said slowly, watching her. "The swelling has gone down. Just a day or two and I'll be back on my feet. How's your hand?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Just a scratch, really."

"That's good. I'm glad."

She dropped the handkerchief on a table by the door but made no move to leave. Both lapsed into silence again while Edward watched her openly, almost hungrily, searching her face and her posture for any sign of a woman in love, the fluttering eyelashes, blushing cheeks, and heaving bosom he'd read about in so many novels, but there was none. She looked a little flustered, to be sure, but that could mean anything or nothing at all. He did not know enough about women to understand their every little gesture and expression. He tried to recall her demeanor toward him over the past few months, but it was all a blur in the face of his newfound love for her, and he only felt a heavy thumping in his chest, drowning out everything.

Perhaps he should just ask her...

They began to speak at the same time and interrupted each other. Both stopped, abashed. "Please, go on," Edward said, gesturing at Christine.

"I was just going to say goodnight," she said quietly. "To let you get some rest."

Edward could feel himself deflated with disappointment. But no, he couldn't let her go like that. This was an opening, a chance. He must seize it. So, as she turned away, he called, "Christine?"

She turned back expectantly. Edward squeezed the tapes of his dressing gown between his fingers, trying to find the right words. He couldn't just ask outright if she loved him, could he?

"Why did you go after me today?" he blurted out. Seeing Christine's puzzled look, he explained, "I mean, why did you go yourself? You could've sent someone. You should have."

Apparently his question offended her, for it took a moment for her to answer, and when she did, she sounded cold, brittle. "There was no one else. All the men were exhausted by the time they returned. I suppose I could have sent for someone from the village, but when I saw Warlock come back with an empty saddle, I panicked and did the first thing that came into my head. I'm sorry if I've made another blunder."

That said, she turned on her heel to go back to her room.

You're driving her away again, you fool!

"No, Christine!" he said, a little too loudly. "I didn't mean to reproach. I am grateful to you for risking your life for me. I simply wanted to know... what you were thinking. Why you panicked."

Some of the coldness left her face, replaced by bewilderment.

"I was frightened that something might have happened to you, of course."

He got to his feet, holding on to the mantelpiece for balance, so he could better read her countenance. "But why should you care?"

"What, do you think me heartless?" she exclaimed. "After all that you've done for me..."

Those last few words dashed his hopes again. "So that's why you came after me, because you felt... some sort of obligation?" he asked, not bothering to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"No!" she said, indignant. "It wasn't like that! I told you, I wasn't thinking anything. Why did it matter, anyway?"

An abrupt sense of exhaustion overwhelmed Edward, in both body and heart. "Yes, you're quite right, it doesn't matter," he said, turning away from Christine. They had both been through an ordeal, and this wasn't the right moment to pester her about her feelings for him. He looked back at her and forced himself to smile. "You should get some rest as well."

She stayed for a moment longer, perhaps waiting for him to say something else, but Edward remained silent. "Good night," she said, turning away for the third time.

With a sigh, Edward hobbled toward his bed. In his agitation, he forgot his injured ankle and put his weight on it. A spear of pain stabbed through his leg, sending him stumbling sideways and crashing into the footstool.

"Damnation!" he muttered.

In a blink of an eye, Christine was beside him, putting her hands under his arms to help him up.

"I'm perfectly capable of getting up myself, thank you," he grumbled, pulling away. He didn't want her to be gentle with him. It would only raise his hopes, and the disappointment would be too crushing for him to bear.

"Would it kill you to accept assistance sometimes?" she scolded, and he meekly allowed himself to lean on her while she helped him to the bed.

They collapsed onto the mattress. It bounced up, inadvertently pushing them closer together, so close that their foreheads nearly touched, so close that he could feel her breath across his cheeks, so close that if he could just stretch out and brush his lips over hers...

"Thank you," he said softly.

"You're welcome."

She tried to pull her hand free, but he didn't want to let go, wishing they could stay like that forever. It was only when she let out a little yelp that he realized he was gripping her injured hand. He let go just long enough for her to put her hand into her lap, and then he took up that hand again, afraid that she would get up and leave if he didn't hold on to her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, cradling her hand in both palms like it was the most precious thing in the world—and for him, it was. Christine didn't say anything, but her fingers moved in his hands for a moment, before she returned his grip, just as she had when she was ill. It was as though she were savoring his touch and reminding herself that he was really there.

And with that memory, Edward realized there was no waiting for the right moment. Any moment they were together was bound to be right.

He lifted Christine's hand to his lips and kissed the cut on her palm.

Her hand trembled once, then stilled, and he heard her exhale with the smallest, slowest of breaths. He didn't know if it was from pleasure or pain, but she didn't pull her hand back. Emboldened, he skimmed his lips over the bandages, to the soft skin on the inside of her wrist, where he could feel her pulse beating like that of a wild bird.

She let out a gasp, more audible this time, and Edward looked up, afraid that he was holding her too tightly again. But Christine didn't look in pain. The look on her face was akin to longing, just like that awful night she'd come to him, only this time, she was looking at him rather than past him, and the sparkles in her eyes were not harsh and wild as they had been that night, but misty, tender.

Then, pressing her other hand to his cheek, she drew him close and kissed him.

When he proposed to her, Edward had wondered what it would feel like to kiss Christine. They had kissed only twice since then, and both times had been so disappointing that he had stopped wondering... until the previous night, after they rushed home through the storm, when he'd watched that single raindrop clinging to her lips. And now he knew. Those kisses had been disappointing before because they weren't true. They weren't a kiss like this, gentle and languorous, an exercise in taste and feel and discovery. That was the difference—before, she hadn't been kissing him, he could have been anyone for all she cared, but now, he could feel her attention solely on him, like a single ray of sunshine that broke through the cloud and shone down on the meadow with blinding intensity. He parted his lips for her, and the kiss turned ravenous, as she took his lower lip between her own and pulled on it, the pressure of her mouth setting his blood on fire.

His arms came up to wrap themselves around her, the better for him to return the kiss. She twisted under him, and her shawl fell off, and perhaps more than that, for he could feel the scorching heat of her bare skin through his shirt, the hard points to her breasts. He wriggled out of his dressing gown for easier movements and brought his lips down her neck, pressing them trembling to her satin-smooth skin, breathing in her scent of lavender and sun, feeling rather than hearing the pleased little sound she made deep in her throat, and continuing down, down...

He could go no further. Her nightdress was in the way, stuck over one of her shoulders, and she was fumbling with a knot to untie it. The pause brought his doubt rushing back. What should he do? Help her untie the dress? Tear the damnable thing off? And once it was off—what? What then? He pressed his face into the crook of her shoulder, trying to rekindle the fire that had been coursing through him, hoping that he could lose himself in it and take her with him, so she wouldn't notice his inexperience.

But she had noticed. He felt her hand in his hair, gently tugging on it so he would look at her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Her sweet voice brought a flush of shame to Edward's face. No, he couldn't go on deceiving her. He had to come clean, and let her decide if she still wanted him after all. "I have a confession." He risked a glance at her and saw that she was still looking at him with that gentle glimmer in her eyes, though now there was a trace of concern as well.

"I've promised to be honest with you, and I haven't kept my word." Christine swallowed but said nothing, and he forced himself to continue, "Our wedding night... that was my first time. Or it would have been. I suppose this is my first time."

"Oh" was all she said, but he could feel her pulling away from him. Her body, so warm and responsive under him a minute ago, had gone stiff, as she gathered her shawl about her.

Damnation. Why did he have to choose this moment to be truthful?

"I've ruined it, haven't I?" he asked ruefully.

"No, no, no, it's perfectly alright," she replied, and the sympathy in her voice made Edward want to throw himself into the center of the sun. "Do you... do you want me to leave?"

"No!" he said. Then, realizing it may sound as though he was forcing her to stay, he hastened to correct himself, "Well, that is... if you want to leave, I won't stop you." Dear God. He was making an absolute mess of everything. Just stop, you pathetic, blathering fool! He turned away from Christine and buried his head in his hands, unable to look her in the eye.

The mattress sprang up, and there was a soft swish of fabric. She's gone. He twisted his fingers into his hair. Fool. Fool.

Then he heard her voice.

"Edward. Look at me."

He lifted his head. The swish of fabric hadn't been her leaving. She had managed to untie that pesky night dress, and the sound had been the dress dropping to the floor in a puddle of white fabric, and there she stood, in all of her glories, like Venus rising out of the foam. The light he'd seen on her face at the feast was now back, and miraculously, improbably, it seemed to brighten as she looked at him.

He sat, transfixed by that light, and only noticed she'd taken a step toward him when she took his hand in hers and pressed it to her body. She was showing him how to touch her, where to touch her. There was nothing to it but to follow her. With his hands and his mouth and his heart, he learned and mapped her hills and valleys, her perfections and imperfections, while his mind sang out in relief and gratitude. She does not mind. As his mouth traversed downward, her hand was in his hair again, not so gentle now, urging him on, but he took his time, savoring every touch, memorizing every detail, letting the fire inside him shimmer instead of burning out too quickly.

And then he was on his knees in front of her, and he wasn't sure how to continue—this was a new territory, one he'd read about, but reading and discovering were two very different things. It was made for more intrepid, or perhaps more blessed explorers, and he didn't know if she trusted him enough to accept him. He looked up at her, questioningly, and to answer, she gave a little nod, and her hand in his hair pressed him a little closer.

That was all the blessing he needed.

He kissed her then, placing his mouth on the heat at her core, letting her little sighs and shivers tell him what she liked and where to go next, marveling at how she opened up for him, reveling in her feel, her taste. She collapsed onto the mattress, while he remained at the foot of the bed, his mouth never left her, never stopped worshipping her. Her thighs shook and writhed in his hands, her hips arched against him, while his pleasure built along with hers, and when she came apart under his tongue and a fevered cry escaped her, it sent him over the edge as well.

Damnation.

He looked up at Christine, but she didn't seem to notice anything amiss, stretched out as she was on the bed, her whole body still heaving as her breathing returned to normal. This lessened his mortification somewhat, but it didn't stop the blood from rushing north to his face. Carefully, gingerly, praying that she wouldn't look up and wonder why he was taking so long, he removed the rest of his clothes and joined her on the bed, trailing more kisses all the way up her body until their faces were level with each other.

"What do I do now?" he asked.

She was looking at him through eyes heavy-lidded but sparkling, her lips quirked up in a smile, her hair a mass of molten gold on the pillow, her skin rosy in the firelight. "Are you sure this was your first time?" she said, a little breathlessly, while she reached out to caress his cheek.

Edward felt himself stirred again, aroused by her touch, by the look in those eyes, deep, deep blue like the summer night sky, and by that half-tender, half-playful smile. If there was anything that could drive a man wild more effectively than the sight of a breathless and flushed woman in his bed—no, not just any woman, but my wife, mine, he thought with relish—and the knowledge that he had brought her such pleasure, then he didn't know it.

"Well, perhaps I've had some tips from the ladies of Covent Garden, but never a chance to put them to practice." This was true, though they were not exactly tips, more like eavesdropped conversations and lots and lots of teasing allusions whose meaning only became clear later, after some intensive reading on his part. He could use more hands-on guidance.

He leaned down, brushing his lips along her jaws, her ears. "What do you want me to do?" he whispered. "Show me."

Her hand moved from his cheek to his chest and lower and lower, guiding him toward her, into her. Their hips met—fitted together perfectly, not painfully as they had on their wedding night—and he plunged in, only to withdraw, afraid he was going to embarrass himself a second time.

She gave a little gasp.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, alarmed.

"No, no," she said, catching her breath. "Do that again. Please."

If he was in need of encouragement, that little frantic "please" was more than enough. And so he complied, again and again and again, each time pushing a little closer, while he felt her clutch at him with her hands, her legs, her entire being, and heard her gasps quicken into throaty moans, until they both shivered in exquisite exhilaration.

Later, while he nestled his head between her breasts and was listening to her heartbeats, the words spilled out of him, as unexpectedly as his realization earlier that afternoon, as tenderly as her hand running through his hair, "I love you."

There was no reply, only her steady breaths causing her chest to rise and fall softly under him. Perhaps she was asleep and didn't hear him. No matter. He would tell her again the next day, and the day after, and every day for the rest of their lives.

Chapter 8

[junjiie]

⠀♪ . ⠀ JJ’s FAVE KPOP RELEASES OF 2023 !!! ★

ᶻ (ゝ。∂) ☆ ⠀ im unemployed on a sunday at 4pm quite literally what did you expect. anw everyone’s doing it on twt but my list is 30 songs long & i’m not fucking around embedding 30 videos on my iphone 8 bc that would probably make it explode. Thanks x. this is in no particular order, boygroup-heavy (getting into more ggs is on my new years resolution list trust!!!) and all my opinion. im just here to give my faves their 10s ♡

› ⠀ GO ⠀ ☆ ⠀ !

OO1 ASAP, NEWJEANS ⠀ saw this on a couple people’s worst releases lists ouhhh.. anyway i love this!!! me when it’s just for a minute.. Yeah. AND THE TICK-TOCKS don’t even they’re so fun.

OO2 ETA, NEWJEANS ⠀ yes them again. THE TRUMPETS GOT MEE like they Did that actually!!! boys be always lyinnnn 😒😒 and ofc the iconic back n forth verses w that video.. u know the one don’t lie.

OO3 SOS, NCT DREAM ⠀ stop giving them siren-like noises they’ll make something RIDICULOUSLY cunty out of them (see 119 and fire alarm like what..). when jeno said “Drippin’ too much, I’ma make it rain” i felt the earth shake Not joking.

OO4 POISON, NCT DREAM ⠀ FUCK OFFF they’re whores. whores that make Real Music. me and lee donghyuck **** to this song i am NOT JOKING!!!! this ate down im in tears. and don’t get me started on renjun’s vocals i might actually throw a glass..

OO5 AY-YO, NCT 127 ⠀ textbook 127 excellence it’s true. they all looked so good in the mv (YUTA LEVITATING LMFAOO.. and ty w that spiky hair he DID that), markil ATE, and this j makes me want to like beat someone up idek.

OO6 SKYSCRAPER, NCT 127 ⠀ they sat hyuck in the studio, held a gun to his head, and told him to deliver one of the cuntiest verses like Ever at exactly 1:51. AND THANK FUCK HE DID!!! it makes me want to rob a bank and i start fizzing up like a coke w a mento dropped into it. johnil ate too like let’s be fr.

OO7 CREAM SODA, EXO ⠀ WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT 주체 못 할 APPETITE 내 모든 걸 뒤흔든 그 맛. old men of the year i need to absorb them into my bloodstream. and d.o. in the open shirt.. kyungsoo the glorious man that you are.

OO8 PRIVATE PARTY, EXO ⠀ and again. this album is UP there w my top cbs hello.. why are they allergic to making bad music im sick. sh + cy went hard and the “우리만의 private pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-party” was CRAZYYY i moved so bad.

OO9 PARADE, NCT 127 ⠀ HOLY FUCK????? i actually have no words. when i get my hands on mark lee.. ohh you don’t even want to know. WHY IS HE LIKE THISSSS he is genuinely incapable of not laying down the hardest verses in the history of the world. and i thank him for it. JOHNNY AND JAEHYUN TOO MY GODDD i was going insane. 10 OUT OF 10!!! if i had to rank this list this would be near the top no questions asked.

O1O LOVE IS A BEAUTY, NCT 127 ⠀ me when i hold moon taeil in my arms and slow-dance with him and then put him to bed wrapped in a soft blanket tucked up to his chin.. (he is 29). notoriously a slower/softer song disliker but THIS.. Yeah. if anyone speaks on it i fear i’ll have to shoot them.

O11 PADO, NCT U ⠀ HELP i swear the nct stops after this. but how can you hear this and not want to fuck sth up like it goes so crazy.. and do NOT mention the words “haechan pado 230826” to me otherwise i might have to jump off of a cliff. I HATEW IHM SO BAGFDD FUCK

O12 JUMP, P1HARMONY ⠀ MY BOYS WERE GETTING 0 NOISE ON TWT IT WAS SICKKK. they ate!!! the mv ate!!! this is so fun and silly and p1h excellence and fun!!! everyone get up and JUMP. NOW.

O13 MORE THAN WORDS, P1HARMONY ⠀ VOCAL KINGS I FEEL ILL. you ask the people who in 4th gen was doing it like keeho theo and jiung and i fear the people will be silent. and seobtak.. let’s not. they’re just Like That. and it’s the best we cheered!!!

O14 IN BLOOM, ZEROBASEONE ⠀ won the best 5th gen debut competition EASILY. clean sweep. it’s fresh and fun and funky what more could you literally ask for. AND THE PRE-CHORUSSS it makes me want to melt into the floor. no other 5th gen groups can compare imo. riize might b in competition when they ACTUALLY DROP SIREN ?

O15 NEW KIDZ ON THE BLOCK, ZEROBASEONE ⠀ SINGING TA-DA-RA-RA-RA FEELS LIKE NEW KIDZ ON THE BLOCK!!! just club beat fun like if you put me in the dj booth im bumping this. and matthew ATE his “That’s my role 뻔한 hero보다는 antihero” line let’s not lie.

O16 TAKE MY HAND, ZEROBASEONE ⠀ dethroned crush Ridiculously easily like what.. I WAS FEELING TS ITS CRAZYYYY how can you listen to this and NOT move are you insane. the way they kinda make their vocals go up and down (does that make sense) i Love it.

O17 HAPPILY EVER AFTER, TXT ⠀ gyu getting no lines is INSANE. but this does hit im dancing (just not the choreo.. i think i would break a limb i can’t do ts). taehyun ate and the pre-chorus goes crazy. we all cheered!!!!

O18 TINNITUS (WANNA BE A ROCK), TXT ⠀ was debating between this or srr but this is sm more fun so here it is. one thing taebin did here, you ask? ATE DOWN would be the answer. me when i cook them for dinner and serve them up on a platter. this is on the me and sb *** playlist it’s true..

O19 3D, JUNGKOOK ⠀ jk has phone sex CONFIRMED? also im sorry but jack’s verse lowk goes hard too like.. BUT THIS OUTSOLDD LIKE IM BEING SO SRS. saw someone say jk’s solo releases outdid bts’ whole discog and like.. Yeah. YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE IT GIRLLL... 3D!!!

O2O SPICY, AESPA ⠀ DON’T HURT ‘EM KARINA.. oh my gdo she did it anyway. and giselle ate too let’s not forget that!!! the mv is giving little mix but in a good way and also if little mix was x10 more cunt. LOVE THEM!!!

O21 HARD, SHINEE ⠀ THE MV HIT SO GOOD WHY’D THEY GO CRAZY LIKE THAT. and key looked so good i passed out actually.. this being on some people’s worst releases list was CRIMINAL ik everyone’s entitled to their own opinions but that’s just Wrong. if you don’t go hard like a criminal hard like the beat then idk what to tell you..

O22 SEOUL DRIFT, ONLYONEOF ⠀ rumoured to have broken the scale on the cuntmeter.. they should put this on the GTA6 soundtrack omg?! one thing these boys are gonna do is eat down in neon lights and hard fits. it’s true i checked!!

O23 SHOOTING STAR, XG ⠀ excellence i fear.. i need to kiss whoever made this beat on the lips like actually IT’S TOO GOODDD. and the matching blue hair in the mv omg they’re so cunty. IT’S SO FUNN AND EVERYTHING IN THE MV LOOKS AMAZING TOO?!? im ill.

O24 GOLDEN HOUR, MARK ⠀ not me lying.. oh well. it’s MARK LEE did u rly think he wasn’t gonna be on here. one word away from telling the whole world he’s packing oh i love this man so much. GORDON RAMSEY FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH AFTER RELEASE OF MARK’S GOLDEN HOUR!!! he’s topping my fave and fuck knows he can top me too. i dont know how to make eggs😭😭😭😭

O25 SHALALA, TAEYONG ⠀ cunt himself! the whole crowd collapsed, buildings exploded, sirens were blaring, fires broke out.. it was a whole situation. THE MV IS ACTUALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITES EVERR he really Did That like im in shock. if you don’t got the bounce Wow, wow, wow, wow then that is ENITRELY your problem. because i do :P

O26 DO NOT TOUCH, MISAMO ⠀ it’s classy it’s mother it’s wonderful their outfits are giving their hair is giving the music is giving it just doesn’t get much better than this. everyone in the room cheered and danced and if you didn’t then there must be something a little wrong with you. BANGER!!

O27 ROVER, KAI ⠀ oh you know i had to include father himself.. had the whole industry dancing and RIGHTFULLY SO!!! GOOD FOR HIM!!! pre-chorus makes me want to die in the best way.. like oh im Moving!!!! just again not to the choreo. mayb i’ll learn it next year. OH and the mv is amazing too!!!

O28 CHACONNE, ENHYPEN ⠀ oh this is seriously cunty evil like i love it. HEESEUNG AND JUNGWON LIKE LET’S NOT??? they’re so good when they’re evil vampires or whatever they are idk i don’t keep up w the lore.

O29 SACRIFICE (EAT ME UP), ENHYPEN ⠀ ANOTHER DARK BLOOD HIT IKTR.. kind of went crazy w this one like let me sway and move Okayyy! olivia wilde nodding rn it’s so good. Wht do u even know ab But here you are 빛으로 가득한 너..

O3O POPPY, STAYC ⠀ last but not least!! NODDING AND CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!! do NOT ask how many times i’ve watched jeno dance to this the answer is something horrific and may scare some people. a Hit actually i love the stayc girlies. asap is one of my fave kpop songs EVER no arguments.

ahh ok and thats my list complete!!! i do hv some honourable mentions.. god of music svt, misty nct 127, bouncy atz, break the brake xdh, and eve psyche & bluebeard's wife by le sserafim!!! this is so long bye 1thing ab me i am allergic to never shutting the fuck up. like who cares 😭 anw baii i love moon taeil