#If you're in the field you are so brave and I hope you're happy

[noisytenant]

there are fools in every field but i really thank god every day that i'm not a professional illustrator. the genAI hysteria and IP dickriding would make me want to explode everyone with my mind

[newobsessionweekly]

Family Ties

Main masterlist | 9-1-1 Masterlist

Eddie Diaz x firefighter!reader Fandom: 911

Summary: You and Eddie have been dating for a few months now, but your older brother, Buck, don’t know until you get hurt on a call and he puts all the pieces together.

Angst/Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of fire, injuries.

Requested: No

Words: 1.9k Requests are open for Eddie / Buck! Gif not mine, credits to the owner.

Standing in front of the firehouse, you adjust your helmet and gear and feel the adrenaline rush that comes with being a firefighter. You were proud to become a paramedic at Station 118 in LA, following in your older brother Buck's footsteps. You have always admired Buck's courage and strength in leaving home, building a career, and saving lives. This job is perfect for him since he saved your life back then. You own everything you are in that moment to Buck.

You greeted everyone at the firehouse, eager for a new day. Hen and Chim checked supplies, Bobby inspected trucks, and Buck ate his breakfast undisturbed. Everyone turned theirs heads and smiled, wishing you a “Good Morning” in response.

“I hope you choke on that food. I'll let your lazy ass die anytime.” you greet your brother, still angry about him ditching you up last night and not giving you a ride in the morning.

“Love you too, munchkin!" Buck yelled with a full mouth of milk and cereals.

“Stop calling me that, I'm not five anymore!” you said firmly, pouring yourself a cup of coffee. Eddie laughed, making his way up on the stairs. “Morning to you too!” you greeted him. “Something funny?”

You brightened Station 118 for all to see. Upon entering, the room radiates warmth and light wavily pours down on everyone. You are that magnet of happiness that could cheer up any bad day. Who wouldn't love you?

You watch Eddie enter the kitchen, patting Buck's shoulder on his way to the fridge. He winked and handed you the milk, a sudden burst of warmth covering your cheeks.

Eddie is both Buck's best friend and your secret boyfriend. Well, not that secret, everyone knows except Buck. And everyone is hiding you both until you're ready to tell you big brother.

You and Eddie bonded immediately upon joining Unit 118. All the laugher and deep conversations held in Buck's living room, slowly turned into small electric touches and stolen kisses.

Eddie made excuses for Buck to babysit Christopher while he took you on little dates, most of them between the walls of his home. But you didn't care as long as you were together.

Eddie is the most amazing man you've ever met. Strong, brave, and incredibly smart. All the stories about the war and you still can't believe the man in front of you was some years ago on the open field. He's handsome, all worked up and as cheerful as you every single day. Though, the signs of the war are painted on his skin, he exudes a mature aura that masks his traumas. He's also a perfect father.

Some girls dream of men like this, even fantasies about them being a father, but all you gotta do is open your eyes and admire the view. And it's only yours.

"You're right, Y/n. You're not five. You both are five and acting like idiots.” Eddie poured himself a cup of coffee while Buck's gaze was pointed at you. His face twisted comically in confusion. How did Eddie know you need milk for your coffee without you asking for it?

Eddie is more than thankful to have beside him a woman just as perfect as an angel. You spread love, exhibits passion, demonstrates bravery in saving people, and look stunning while doing so.

However, you still hesitate to reveal your relationship with Eddie, knowing that it could complicate things with your overprotective brother.

As soon as the alarm went off calling a car crash with multiple injuries, you placed your cup on the table and run off to the truck with Eddie by your side while Buck analysing your every move and how the distance between you and Eddie closes day by day. He smells something's going on.

Throughout the day, you and Eddie teamed up seamless and efficient together. Buck, on the other hand, noticed your chemistry and couldn't help but feel a little suspicious. He first lost his partner, but could also lose his best friend and sister ? Buck brushed it off as he hurriedly approached the cars holding captive civilians, ignoring any doubts.

The quiet afternoon allowed your for reflection while washing off the blood under the hot water pouring over your bloody-covered body, then silently enjoyed Bobby's delicious lunch.

“Uh-huh, Buckley siblings aren't talking." "Something's off," Bobby quipped, eyeing the people standing around the table.

Chuckling, you searched for Eddie's sight before the alarm blared once more.

Unit 118 was dispatched to a high-rise building fire. You raced to the scene, adrenaline pumping. The team surrounded Bobby, listening to his command. “Buck, you're coming with me to the back, we need to secure an exit and search for survivors. Eddie, Y/n, Chim and Hen, search the first two floors, pull out the fire, and search for survivors, ten at number.” everyone nodded as he explained to never split up, but if needed, you stay close to a wall and never let go of the hose. “Be safe out there!” Buck nodded to you and Eddie, silently urging caution and a safe return.

As you entered the building, Eddie's firefighter instincts kicked in, and he took charge of the situation. He led the team through the thick smoke and intense heat, searching for survivors and extinguishing the flames.

But as you were making your way out of the building, a sudden explosion rocked the structure, causing debris to collapse around you. You shielded Eddie out of the way just in time, but you were struck by falling debris. Your trapped leg caused a painful mix of blood and agony.

Eddie rushed to your side, his heart pounding with fear. He checked for other injuries with shaky hands.

"Calling for help, ok? Hen and Chim will be back, and you'll be okay!” Eddie comforted, cupping your cheeks, forcing you look at him. You were conscious and likely only suffered a sprained ankle while the blood that flood around was coming from a cut above your knee.

“I'm fine, just a sprained ankle. We should go search for survivors," you suggested, gazing at the ashes of the once-mischievous flames that nearly engulfed the entire building.

Eddie looked at you in disbelief. You and Buck were remarkably alike. Or maybe the gene of recklessness run deep in both you DNA's. He's worried about the leg, despite your pleading to go search for the people stuck in that building, you can't move fast enough. It will only slow down the operation and cause any other damage.

“Here the captain, the building is clear.” Bobby radioed. You breathe easily now, the survivors were out of any harm. “Find your way back safely, the fire spreading quickly to the roof."

“Come on, we have to go.” Eddie said, pushing aside with all his strength the debris that was pinning you down. "Copy that, cap!" Eddie spoke into his radio.

“Y/n, do you copy?" Buck's voice crackled through Eddie's radio. Yours was broken in the fall. Buck searched the perimeter with worry in his eyes.

“Don't tell Buck, please.” you pleaded, afraid your brother wouldn't keep his feet at place, rushing recklessly into the burning building to save you. Eddie nodded, thinking of what he could tell his best friend.

"Y/n's radio broke, but she's en route to the hospital doing CPR.” Eddie fibbed. Bobby nodded at the words and told everyone to go back to the station as Unit 146 could handle the fire themselves. They got every other unit off duty. “Bobby, take Buck and Chim with you. I'm coming right back, Hen can give me a ride. We'll go after Y/n at the hospital.”

“Copy that. On our way now!” Bobby and Buck left, cap confident that the remaining men could handle as the fire was slowly being extinguished.

Buck obeyed Bobby's orders for your sake, though he didn’t really bite that.

As Eddie carried you out of the building with you laying on him, slowly walking to the paramedic truck, you saw Hen's eyes widening. “You said she was on her way to the hospital!" she scolded Eddie, shaking her head in a disapproving gesture. “You hurt?” she checked for injuries on your body.

“Just small bruises and a scars, a spread ankle. "Nothing serious," you report.

Eddie hugged you tight, now clear-minded. He was relieved you both returned from that building in one piece. He admired your courage and dedication. Your kindness towards the injured made him fall in love with you all over again seeing you giving all the injured people a soft smile and help they needed, without a single doubt. You hugged him back, seeking comfort in his arms, preparing your patience for when will Buck find out.

“Ok, Eddie ride with her in the back. We going to the hospital.”

Back at the firehouse, Buck was anxiously waiting for news on the fire. He waited at the station for an hour, pacing through the kitchen, eager for you to get back. His thoughts buzzed with all the worst-case scenarios. Buck rushed towards you as soon as he saw the truck reversing into the station. His eyes turned red when Eddie helped you hop up from the back of the paramedic truck, your leg all bandaged and bruises painted all over you, from your beautiful face to the arms. Slowly limping to him, Buck rushed over to you, his concern evident.

"What the hell happened?" Buck asked, his voice filled with worry.

Y/n got hit by falling debris, but she insisted on continuing to help with evacuation," Eddie explained, casting a proud glance at you. “She's fine now, just a few scratches, but she managed to clear the building.

“Screw about that building. "Why did you do that?" Buck looked at his sister, his protective instincts kicking in. "Why didn't you tell me you got hurt?" he scolded you gently.

"I didn't want to worry you," you replied, giving your brother a weak smile. "I guess you passed to me the recklessness gene," you laughed, trying to ease the tension. “I'm fine, Buck, really."

But Buck's attention shifted to Eddie, and he noticed the concerned look in the firefighter's eyes as he tended to your injury. Buck's suspicions were confirmed as he realized the truth.

"You two are dating, aren't you?" Buck asked, surprised and a little taken aback.

You and Eddie exchanged nervous glances before nodding. Buck's initial surprise turned into a mix of emotions - surprise, worry, protectiveness - but also saw the love and happiness in you both.

"I care about her, Buck," Eddie begins earnestly, looking Buck straight in the eye. "I promise to take care of her." Eddie locked his hand in yours, both of them helping you up the stairs and have a seat on the couch.

Buck couldn't deny the sincerity in Eddie's words, and he knew that you are a capable firefighter who could take care of herself. Reluctantly, he nodded and pulled you both into a tight hug. Buck knows Eddie's a great guy, he also knows about the baggage you're both dealing with, hope you'll both manage to heal each other.

"Just be careful with her," Buck said, his voice filled with emotion. "She's my little sister, and I know how a pain in the ass she could be.” he joked, passing you a glass of water.

Well, maybe all the bad did something good after all.

[spinningwebsandtales]

Imagine Kafka Taking Care Of You At A Kaiju Cleanup Sight

Kafka Hibino X FemReader

Rating: T

Warnings: Kaiju gore, blood

Word Count: 1.3k

(A/N:) I have been so dang excited about the Kaiju No. 8 anime! I have read the manga since it came out and when they finally announced it getting an anime adaption, I freaked out. So yesterday was so awesome, I watched it three times! XD So I apologize for the fangirl I'm about to become and hopefully all the other Kaiju No. 8 fangirls can appreciate what I'm about to do! Until next time happy reading! ~Countess

You just knew your bosses hated you. It wasn't unusual for companies like Izumo Tech requesting specialists to go out in the field and oversee the kaiju cleanup crews. Only to make certain that they were receiving the best parts of the kaiju to create weapons, armor, and various forms of gear for the brave men and women who take the battles to the front line. But for some unfortunate reason you were the one being constantly sent out to supervise. It had to be done, even though the majority of the cleaning crews did their jobs right, but you'd be out of a job if you didn't go. This time you were to watch and take note of the Monster Sweep Inc. crew. The best of the business and always making sure they sent nothing but the parts Izumo requests. This wasn't the first time you had overseen this crew and you enjoyed being around them. What you didn't enjoy was dodging spurts of blood, or tripping over entrails, or squishing eyeball pieces under your shoes. The Defense Force always left a mess and it was the brave and iron stomached men and women of the cleaners.

Rubbing at your temples, fighting the oncoming headache, while your driver navigated the destroyed streets of the city. Your bag across your knees and the seatbelt strapped tight. You said a small prayer for the poor white shirt you unwittingly wore today. The car squealed to a stop as you couldn't go any further in the vehicle. Giving you a sorrowful smile, your driver let you out before backing out as fast as he could, leaving you alone in front of a giant bloody kaiju mess. Heaving a large sigh, the tainted coppery tang of kaiju blood filling your nostrils, you got to work.

"Hey Kafka," Masahide called to the dark haired male.

Kafka lifted his face shield wiping sweat from his forehead before heading to Toku's direction. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach, sensing he was being dragged into something else. He just hoped it wasn't entrail duty like the other times. But when Kafka saw you standing at Toku's side everything became clear, but it still didn't mean he was dodging entrail duty just yet.

"(Y/N) just got here. She's being assigned to your side since you're closer to the parts Izumo Tech are looking for."

You gave him a small wave, holding your bag tightly and standing as straight as could be. Making yourself as small as possible seemed like the safer option of keeping clean. You and Kafka knew each other pretty well by now as you had been on several scenes with him and the crew. You had become his charge every time you were on scene and it wasn't unusual for you both to go out for drinks and dinner afterwards. Majority of the time the other guys would join but sometimes you both were alone. So in Kafka's care you always felt safe as he tried his best not to splatter you with any kaiju fluids. Majority of cleaners didn't like you around, thinking that you were only here because the company thought they were doing their jobs wrong when it was the complete opposite. So it wasn't unusual for you to get doused in gore in an act of retaliation.

"Welcome back," Kafka said giving you a warm smile.

"Looks like you guys have your work cut out for you this time," you replied.

He sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat, "They keep upping our finish dates every time a kaiju is dispatched. They're really working us to the bone."

"Well if anyone can do it and handle it it's you guys," you offered him what little encouragement you could.

"Thanks." Kafka walked past you leaving you a little confused as he went to the company van. He tugged a large protective jacket from a bag on the floorboard before setting it on your shoulders. You gratefully slipped your arms inside and zipped it up to your chin. It swallowed you but you wouldn't complain.

"Thank you so much!"

Kafka blushed, "Didn't want your pretty shirt to get messed up."

"I didn't know I was coming out into the field until I came to work," you grumbled. "I would have dressed accordingly. Please continue like I'm not even here."

"I couldn't do that even if I tried," Kafka laughed. "Follow me. Some idle chat would do me some good."

Time passed by quickly as you and Kafka fell into easy chatter and before you both knew it lunch break was called. Majority of the time the smells of the dead kaiju killed your appetite but some form of luck came your way as the wind was right. Blowing the majority of the stench in the opposite direction. But still you couldn't do anything more than nibble on a few veggies you had packed in your bento. Kafka noticed you barely eating, so he dug around in his cooler. Tossing you a can, you caught it, barely.

"Ginger ale," he said at your confused glance. "It'll help settle your stomach. I carry them around just in case I'm on entrail duty. I also have some nausea pills somewhere too." He started to pat around in his pockets.

"No that's okay," you hurriedly grabbed his wrist. "This is more than enough thank you."

Sipping at the cold beverage and testing out a few bites of your lunch. You were able to finish most of it, but didn't push your luck as you had a couple more hours of staying on sight. The bark of the tree you leaned against, bit into your back. But you enjoyed the moment of just being able to take it easy. It was a rare thing to get to enjoy the slow pace of life. Between kaiju attacks, rushing around for work, and the fast pace of just life in general; you didn't find many times like this. Kafka, now finished with his lunch, leaned backwards cushioning his head with his hands. He breathed deep relaxing as the sun danced across his skin.

"Want to grab something later together," Kafka asked. His shoulders shaking as his nerves almost made him redact his question. You carefully slid your hand over, tugging at his sleeve, Kafka removed the hand you wanted from behind his head. You clasped his tightly in your grip, threading your fingers together causing him to stiffen. He knew he was sweaty and it only made his hand sweat worse and he didn't know how you felt about that. But you didn't let go.

"I would like that a lot," you replied. This time resting your head on his shoulder. "Thanks for taking care of me Kafka when I come here."

He gulped, "I enjoy it and want to make sure you're safe."

That had always been the thing. Nobody made you feel as safe as Kafka did. Accidents happened all the time at the sights of kaiju clean up and while it was dangerous for everyone involved. With Kafka you felt like at his side was the safest place that existed. Kafka squeezed your hand, closing his eyes and relishing in the touch of you. He would keep you safe no matter what. As he felt it as his duty as a man and friend. That is just who Kafka is deep down in his core. He squeezed your hand tighter resting his head on top of yours. Taking in the moment with you before you both got back to work. Yeah if you were by his side it was the safest place you could possibly be.

[downundergarfield]

Hello 👋

can I get each mercs reaction to near death experience with S/O

your writing is cool <33

G'day!! Thanks for the compliment! I tried to write something short but cozy for each mercenary, I hope it doesn't look damp or bland <:)

Mercs with S/O who survived near death experience

Tw!...near death experience?

A bright flash. A rough blow against the wall. There's still a lot of pain coming from nowhere. You are lying on a wooden floor almost under the open sky on the tufort balcony.

At first you tried to rest on your hands, but it caused hellish pain. You cough, feeling the corners of your lips warm with blood. The last thing you see before you pass out is how the Medic hurriedly runs towards you with a field first aid kit and holding the coat from falling.

You wake up for a while. Honestly, you couldn't tell how long you'd been out. Feelings are slowly returning, the torso hurts, both inside and out, the head is splitting, but when the vision returns, you see all the brave mercenaries around your hospital couch.

"- oohoh! Gut!! you survived the procedure!"

Says the German accent you know.

Everyone exhaled. You needed to be alone with yourself. All the mercenaries came out, telling you that's everything okay

You kept lying there. Until there was a knock on the door. It was N/M. He wanted to check on you.

Scout:

This joker has never looked so lost. He quickly darted to your bed, sat on a stool next to you and looked at you with his puppy dog eyes.

"- God, I am, I was so scared, I was so scared, I couldn't think of anything but you, I was so scared that I would lose you, The medic said that you could die, I was so scared, I-I "

"- ahhh" you say, raising a calm hand to his lips. He wiped away his tears and calmed down more or less.

"-Y/N, you know how scary it was... But I.. I'm happy that you're okay! Honestly!"

You smile at him, he smiles at you

he hugs you tightly, but trying not to damage the fresh seams

Soldier

He came in and sat down without any unnecessary words or movements, but his big mouth betrayed all his emotions.

"You know, Y/N, I've lost a lot of soldiers on the battlefield. I've lost Sour Joe, Smelly Joe, and even Mighty Joe."

You nodded understandingly, looking away. Then you felt his heavy and big cold hand on your arm.

"- and I'm very glad that I didn't have to lose you too, Y/N. You are a good soldier, real good, maybe even the best."

He rested his helmet head on your side, causing a little pain from the scars on your chest and held your hand with both hands.

Next to him, death is not terrible. You sat like that for a long time until you fell asleep from the cozy feeling that this American next to you caused.

Pyro

They come into the ward, humming something to themselves, sit on a stool next to you and immediately grab your hand.

You can hear their terrified bellowing, they were very afraid for you, very much. They brought you a bunch of sweets and delicious drinks. You suggested that Piro relax a little.

They took out toy ducklings and started showing you concerts with them. It was charming how much they were interested in making you happy.

Anxiety receded quickly, while this mumbling lump of happiness was nearby.

Demoman

You're surprised you didn't notice him even before he opened the door. Usually the Demo is immediately noticeable by the smell of alcohol or drunken speeches. But not today. The Scotsman sat down next to you, taking your hand in his big warm palm

"-laddy, please, be careful next time, alright?"

You smiled and nodded to him.

"-I couldn't even drink all this time, I was afraid that I would lose you.."

He rested his big lips on your forehead and closed his eye, kissing your forehead.

"- next time I won't let anyone near you, do you hear? They will shatter into small pieces."

You smiled at his words, deserved another kiss on the forehead.

You talked for a long time about what happened while you were away.

Heavy

A broad-shouldered figure entered the ward, you felt really big hands on your hands

"- My God, how could I let this happen."

You comfort him by stroking his huge hands.

"- I'm glad that you stayed alive. Darling, please be careful next time, I don't want to lose you."

You nodded, giving him a warm smile.

"-I brought you a couple of books, do you mind if I read Nekrasov to you?"

You nodded with a smile. Although I was worried that you might not understand something.

But it was nice for you to hear his native speech and see how he smiles from the realization that you like to listen to his native speech. You knew that most likely he does this to distract you from bad thoughts. He often read different writers to you to calm down or lull

"-Гляжу с тоской на розы я и тернии

И думой мчусь на край миров:

Моя душа в Саратовской губернии,

У светлых волжских берегов.

Я близ нее! О рай, о наслажденье!

Как на мечтах я скоро прискакал!

Бывало, я имел туда хождение

И словно конь почтовый уставал..."

Engineer

The engineer turns up next to you pretty quickly

"-oh, sorry, partner, I couldn't be there, you know..."

You calm him down with a nod

"-if it helps you, I've collected special stilts for you. With the help of them, you will be able to get back on your feet 3 days faster than expected! I tested them with a Medic, he said that everythin' should be fine!!"

You could see the sparkle in his eyes, even through his goggles.

"thank you, Dell."

You say it softly. It was actually quite painful to speak. But after hearing your speech, he relaxed even more

"-darlin', I couldn't sleep all those nights how long you were gone! I'm glad that everything is fine. I don't want to lose you." he raises your hand to kiss it.

You nodded to him with a smile, pet the robotic hand, he gently moved towards you to kiss you on the cheek.

Medic

He was sitting in the office next to you the whole time, nervous and watching how you were feeling. As soon as you felt good enough, and the beeping devices attached to you began to show some indicators that were clear only to him, Ludwig jumped up to your bed holding your hands and rejoicing

"- Yes!!! Yes!! I was able to save you! Zhis is my greatest triumph! Another 2 minutes and your torn stomach would have killed you! But I managed to fix everyzhing. Patched up zhere, here, you are the crown of my work in medicine over the past year! Hohohoo~"

You were happy that your beloved psycho is doing well. He's so charmingly proud of himself.

He was there for the rest of the time. Sometimes by injecting something into you or giving you pills. Your condition only improved, and the pain receded. He's really a master at it! you ask him to come closer to kiss his forehead

"Oh, no-no-no herr Y/N, you can't move yet! Ich do it myself!" and he comes closer, kissing your forehead. Kind and truly loving

Sniper

You woke up from familiar warm hands on your own, the Sniper looked sad, but still managed to smile for you

"-Those were the scariest 4 days of my life in this year ..."

You know how hard Bushman is going through the loss of relatives. And you were very dear to him. That's why the poor man was so worried.

You stroke his hair on his hand, suddenly remembering that you have something to show him.

You carefully try to open your hospital gown and show him your Y shaped incision. The Medic left it when he was piecing your body together.

He shuddered when he saw it. But he thought it was cute that you decided to point out this little similarity between you

"- thank you. I won't let anyone else get close to ya. I've already found that wanker. Unlike ya, no one will put his brains back into his skull."

You giggled as much as it was possible in your position.

Mick lay on your shoulder and stroked your head in complete silence for a very long time. Until you fell asleep next to him..

Spy

A man in a balaclava shows up in your room with an abstracted face

"You should have been much more careful, it's like you forgot all my stealth lessons"

He didn't blame you, he was just upset.

The Frenchman sat down next to you anyway, stroked your head and took the cigarette out of his mouth

"Please, never hurt yourself like that again. I was very worried"

He hugs you, gently, without touching your aching chest. Sorry.

You sit quietly for as long as it takes while he tells you what happened while you were gone

[hanilessa]

could you do a part two for the when they realise they love you headcanons 👉👈 they’re so cute esp childe’s oneeee

you don’t have to if you don’t want to but could you mayyyybe include kaeya and diluc?

` Author’s notes: hiiii, darling!! thank u for your request! <3 i really hope you enjoy it. i mentioned childhood friends to lovers trope in diluc's part and marriage of convenience in ayato's part. i like these tropes sm so i couldn't help but add it!

part one!

» :、♡  WHEN THEY REALIZE THEY LOVE YOU

` Includes: Diluc, Kaeya, Kamisato Ayato, Thoma x fem!reader (separate)

` Genre: fluff, romance

The realization of his boundless love for you comes to Diluc when both of you were running across an endless field full of wildflowers and fragrant flowers. Your hair fluttered in the pleasant summer wind, the sun illuminated your joyful and happy face, and your lips smiled with the most beautiful smile in the world. The ringing of your laughter, similar to the ringing of a bell, brought Diluc back to his childhood, when everything that surrounded him seemed so light, at ease and innocent. As innocent as you were. His childhood friend. And now the only love forever.

Kaeya's heart starts beating faster when he hears your ringing laugh that falls from your lips as you laugh at his stupid jokes and ridiculous flirting. Your cheeks are covered with a pinkish blush due to the alcohol you have drunk earlier, your hair is disheveled, your eyes are slightly sleepy. But Kaeya understands that now you're the most beautiful girl in the world for him. Please, he only asks that he always spend such evenings next to you, joking and enjoying good drinks. And also to be the one who can take you home after every evening in the tavern.

Ayato falls in love with you the first second after you entered the room accompanied by your parents. You were absolutely adorable, so small, in a beautiful golden kimono, with a bright blush on your cheeks. He never wanted to marry for convenience, and when his parents told him that they had found a bride for him, he cried for a long time and said that he would never love her. But when Ayato saw you, when he saw how beautifully your eyelashes fluttered framing your deep amazing eyes, he swears that he's ready to take that back.

You were an absolutely amazing and kind person and it always made Thoma want to be closer to you. As the older sister of the Kamisato clan, you should have been refined, light and gentle. But you were strong and brave. You were absolutely kind to servants and maids in Kamisato Estate and always eager to help them. Every time Thoma got in your way, you instantly found yourself next to him and offered him your help. He will always remember with trepidation how sweetly you smiled, taking from his hands a small stack of your brother's documents. And he will always keep your smile in his heart.

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Light Up the Lamp by Kit Oliver - 5/5 stars

Kit Oliver can do no wrong, I guess. I figured I'd like this one a lot given that I loved her other two novels, but hockey books usually aren't five star reads for me. Along comes this book! Unrelentingly lovely, and even though I knew it was going to have an HEA, I still found myself worried that Gil wasn't going to figure shit out.

The Faerie Hounds of York by Arden Powell - 5/5 stars

Gorgeous book that read like a dreamy, dark fairy tale. The first book by Arden Powell I read was really funny, and this was like the complete opposite. Powell has range! This one is sad, but still has a happy ending. If you like Emily Tesh's Greenhollow Duology, I highly recommend this one. They're definitely in the same vein.

Deosil by Jordan L Hawk - 4.75/5 stars

I was SO SAD to get to the end of this series. Whyborne, Griffin, Christine, Iskander, Persephone, Maggie, Niles...I could go on, I love them all. It's hard to say good-bye but they all got a wonderful ending.

The Inside Edge by Ashlyn Kane - 3/5 stars

The Taste of Desert Green by Kim Fielding - 4.25/5 stars

Your Lonely Nights Are Over by Adam Sass - 1/5 stars

Crushed Ice by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James - 4/5 stars

Roustabout by Morgan Brice - 3/5 stars

Prince in Disguise by Tavia Lark - 5/5 stars

Loved this one just as much as the first in the series. I expected the Draskorans to be...idk, like stereotype fantasy barbarians, so it was extremely refreshing that they weren't.

Old Time Religion by EH Lupton - 5/5 stars

Ahhhhhhhh I love this series!! I really really enjoyed the first book, and I loved this one even more. Really good, really original. I can't recommend this one and Dionysus in Wisconsin enough!

A Thief and a Gentleman by Arden Powell - 3.5/5 stars

The Devil to Pay by Katie Daysh - 4.75/5 stars

If you like Patrick O'Brian but find yourself thinking, surely this could be more gay? Then Katie Daysh's books are for you. This is the second in the series and I was delighted to learn yesterday from her newsletter that she's working on the third, because I definitely am not ready for the series to end! The first book was from Nightingale's POV (there might have been some bits from Courtney's POV? But not many), and this one is entirely from Courtney's. Courtney and Nightingale didn't actually get to spend much time together in this one so I hope they catch more of a break in book 3.

Lord of Eternal Night by Ben Alderson - DNF at pg 6

The Engineer by CS Poe - 4/5 stars

The Larks Still Bravely Singing by Aster Glenn Gray - 5/5 stars

If you're not reading Aster Glenn Gray yet, why not? Why not??? Seriously, if you like Cat Sebastian, PLEASE give Aster Glenn Gray a try. I have yet to read a book by the woman that isn't gorgeous. This book is set right at the tail end of WWI and into the interwar period and is about two young English men who were injured and invalided out of the army. They're both disabled (Robert, the POV character, is missing a leg, and David is missing a hand) and have PTSD.

Also recommended if you like KJ Charles's Will Darling Adventures trilogy. The Larks Still Bravely Singing is just straight historical romance, not romantic suspense, but it deals with similar themes.

Guardians of Dawn: Zhara by S Jae-Jones - DNF at pg 24

Mr Warren's Profession by Sebastian Nothwell - 4.75/5 stars

LOVED this book. I think it's the only historical romance I've read that uses the Industrial Revolution so heavily in the plot, which I really enjoyed. Plus, gorgeous cover.

Honey Mead Murder by Dahlia Donovan - DNF at pg 5

A Market of Dreams and Destiny by Trip Galey - 3.25/5 stars

String Theory by Ashlyn Kane and Morgan James - 3.75/5 stars

One Night in Hartswood by Emma Denny - 5/5 stars

I honestly don't know why, when I received this book in like, November, I didn't immediately put it on the top of my TBR pile. I knew I was going to love it; I was super excited to get my copy. Every time I've shuffled my TBR (like, my actual physical TBR...it's a whole thing...it's actually been mistaken for my full book collection but haha no that's just 200 books I haven't read yet sitting on my stairs...), I've lamented that it's not closer to the top. And then I realized, this is literally my TBR and my own weird fake rules that I've made up about it, so I can actually just pull it from the stack and read it now. So I did!

And yeah, I loved it. So much. Raff and Penn will probably live rent free in my mind forever, not to mention Ash and Lily. I loved the medieval setting (another setting you don't see much in queer historical romance!) and how it really felt like a different world than ours. Plus I'm a sucker for road trip romances. And daddy issues. And horrific scars.

And ugh, the training scenes. The sexual tension. The PINING. Masterfully done. Chef's kiss.

Also we're going to find out who Oliver was, right? RIGHT??? And what happened to Penn's brother?

Out of Touch by Michael Sarais - DNF at pg 7

The Long Call by Ann Cleeves - 4.25/5 stars

Always enjoy a mystery that's well-paced and well-written. I've never actually read anything by Ann Cleeves but I'm going to pick up the rest of this series.

The Death I Gave Him by Em X Liu - DNF at pg 284

[helaelaemond]

It's All For You - Billy Washington x reader

Pairing: Billy Washington x female reader

Word count: 2.9k

Fic summary: Your relationship with Billy over the years has its ups and downs. The ups are great, and the downs almost destroy you. But through the years, you learn that it's him. It's always him. It always will be him, no matter how much it hurts. Multi chapter.

Chapter summary: You and Billy have been friends throughout your school lives. It's now the summer ball closing your time at sixth form together, and you're both desperately hoping that the other will be brave enough to cross the line between friends and... friendlier.

Content warning(s): alcohol, smoking

Rating: Teen

Tag list: @sylas-the-grim / @myfandomprompts / @arcielee / @babyblue711

Masterlist

Chapter 1: Everything I Do

"Oi, Billy, get over here!"

Billy grins as he joins the group of friends all posing for a photo, and with a plastic cup of beer in his hand, he leans close. Half of the group is already tipsy, and as everyone crowds close, some of the girls lose their balance on their strappy heels. One, a friend he's known since they were six, grabs onto his arm to stop from falling over and his drink is knocked from his hands.

"'ey, you alright?" he asks with a laugh. The phone clicks away, capturing blurry moments of teenage joy.

"Oh, my god!" she cackles, and the other girls help him to stop her from toppling over.

On the other side of the group, you glance over in amusement. He catches your eye for a moment, and you both blush.

The music blasts out of the hired speakers in the huge marquee the school has hired out for the event on the school field. The summer ball - nothing more than a low-budget prom for those leaving sixth form - has already been going on for a few hours, and the evening is finally beginning to cool. You need a bit of a break, though, and make your way over to the bar.

"Two bottles of water, please." You took three shots at pre's, and at afters you'll probably have a good few more, but for now you just need something to help the headache.

"I'll get these."

You look up at the familiar voice, and your smile returns. "One of these was for you, actually." You hand one of the bottles to Billy.

"Oh, thanks." He takes it, and your fingers brush together for a moment. He drops his chin and looks down, biting his lip as if he's trying to stop his smile, and then he glances back at you. "Good timing then, eh?"

"Yeah." You take a long chug of water, and he does the same. "You look nice this evening, by the way."

"Yeah?" He fiddles with the knot of his tie. "Mum thinks I scrub up nice."

"Your mum's always right." You've known Billy since you started at the same secondary when you were 11. You've been in the same social circle since you were 15, and Mrs Washington is one of the parents in the regular taxi rotation. It makes you hopeful, knowing that she likes you a lot. Boys care what their parents think, right?

He laughs quietly. "Yeah, she is. You look nice, too."

You want to tease him. If it was anyone else, you'd ask "only nice?" but this is Billy. You can't tease him. Everything is different with him, really. It has been for years. You settle on an uncharacteristically shy "thank you."

He looks at you for a moment too long. It makes your heart leap. It gives you hope that has been your constant companion for years. He hasn't given you more than hope, though.

"You're still going to Tom's afters, right?" he asks.

You nod. "Yeah. I think all of the usuals are. Are you?"

Billy smiles. "D'you want me to?"

It makes your stomach flip. It's the bravest, most suggestive thing you think he's ever said to you. You shrug, but grin, blushing. "You're one of the usuals, aren't you?"

"I guess so."

"Then yeah, I do want you to. Who knows when we'll all be together again after this?"

He chuckles. "Aw, don't say that. We'll always be mates."

You don't know about that. But you can't bear to disagree, not when he looks so happy.

You nip home to quickly get out of your formal dress, and you scrub your face clean of the party makeup you had so carefully applied hours earlier at your friend's flat. You peel off the lashes your friend had struggled to put on, and brush through your hair that another friend had pinned. Thinking of them now, your heart swells. They had teased you as you all got ready, asking if you'd make a move on Billy at last.

"Oh, c'mon, everyone knows he likes you!" Sofia said as she carefully carved out an eyebrow with concealer. "I don't know that!" you protested. Devi gripped your chin. "Stop moving! I can't get this lash right." "Sorry! Sorry, keep going." "He's totally in love with you, though. It's so obvious." "Then why hasn't he done anything about it?" you whined. "Because he's a tall, lanky, beanpole of a boy who doesn't know the first thing about talking to girls." Your eye began watering as Devi poked it with the misplaced lash. "He talks to you lot just fine." "Well, yeah," another friend, Abbie, interjected from where she was sat cross-legged in front of the mirror. "We're just his mates. We're not girls to him." "You're teasing me." You laughed dryly. Devi pulled your ear to force you to look at her, and you yelped in pain. She grinned. "We're not fucking teasing you. Why would we lie about this? You think we want to set you up for failure?" Sofia crawled behind you and began brushing your hair. It was funny seeing her with one perfect brow, and one practically bald. "Billy likes you. He's probably in love with you, but nothing is gonna happen unless you make the move first." You sighed and looked down at your hands. Mum had taken you out to get your nails done, and the long acrylics shone in the light of Abbie's bedroom. "What if I make a move, and he rejects me?" Devi replied first. "We'll pin him down and shave his head." "We'll pin him down and cut off his balls," Abbie offered. You couldn't help but laugh at that. "Wow. What an offer." You paused for a moment while Devi finally set the lash in place on your eye. You looked in the mirror at your reflection and saw a pretty girl stare back. It made you reach for a shot of London Dry - tasted like paint stripper, but the cheapest Tesco could offer - and you winced. "You really think I have a chance with him?" Devi rolled her eyes, but Sofia squeezed your shoulders. "Absolutely. Trust us. You just need to go for it." "This 'will they, won't they' has been going on since GCSEs," Abbie added as she wrapped a thick strand of hair around her curler. "Tonight's your last chance." "Well," you replied, blinking. "I guess if I reject him, I never have to see him again." Devi nodded confidently. "That's the spirit."

Dad took you to Tom's - it's only a twenty-minute bus ride away, but he had insisted. It helps, though, as you've got a small overnight bag with a few bottles of booze that you don't feel like worrying about on public transport. Both your parents are fine that you're going to an afters with drinking - they know your friends, and they trust you all to be sensible. Besides, it's better to do that kind of thing in a safe environment, rather than getting pissed in a park, or something.

The car ride seems to last forever, but eventually you get there. Billy is arriving at the same time. Your heart leaps.

"Hiya, mate," Dad says when Billy approaches the car as you get out.

"Evening, sir," he replies politely.

"How many times have I said? You can call me-"

"Thanks, Dad," you interrupt with a laugh.

"Yeah, alright, alright," he chuckles. "Here, Bill, you'll look after my girl tonight, yeah? Make sure she doesn't get into trouble?"

"Course I will," Billy replies with a smile. "Don't need to worry about her. Besides, there's only a handful of us, nothing wild."

"Glad to hear it. You want a lift home in the morning?"

"No, thanks, Lana's coming to get me."

"Alright. Best to my parents, yeah?"

He nods and smiles. "Yeah. Have a good one, sir."

Before Dad can reply, you close the car door and turn to Tom's house. You link your arm through Billy's before he can talk to your dad more, and you ring the doorbell.

"Hi," he says quietly.

You glance up at him. God, he's so tall. It makes you blush again. "Hi."

He's dressed similarly to you now; out of the evening finery, he's changed his suit for jeans and a soft, black tshirt. You wear something similar for this, although you've made sure to replace your heavy party make up with something lighter that still makes your eyes pop. At least, that's the effect you're hoping for.

"You look nice," he tells you, just like he did at prom.

You laugh quietly. "I'm not looking anything special."

He doesn't respond. Instead, he looks down. You almost say something else, but then Tom opens the door and cheers you in welcome. He brings Billy in for a hug, and then you, and you kiss him on the cheek. Reaching into your bag, you produce the two bottles of vodka, and he cheers again.

"I bloody love you, d'you know that?" Tom tells you with a loud laugh. He kisses your forehead and then drags you into the kitchen, where everyone else is. Both you and Billy are welcomed by the friends you saw an hour ago in cocktail dresses and ill-fitting suits, and most of them are already getting their units in. Everyone is relaxed, and everyone is happy.

Billy sits alone in the front room, wringing his hands. It's the early hours of the morning, and the loud music has been traded for something quieter. A few people are in the garden, using the barbecue pit inappropriately, and a few people are getting off in the bedrooms upstairs.

He's spent the night trying to get enough liquid courage to approach you. It's worked now and again, to a certain degree. He's played against you in a messy game of beer pong, and he's stood next to you and taken a hit from the single blunt being passed around. When he put his lips around it after you, he felt giddy knowing that it had just been against your mouth. If he closed his eyes, it almost felt like a kiss.

Time is slipping through his fingers. He's about to get up from the sofa when the door opens, and there you are. There are butterflies in his stomach. God, you look so pretty. You looked pretty at prom, with fancy hair and a special dress and long lashes that hooded your eyes, but now... now you're just... you. You're perfect. Just as you are.

"Hey," he says quietly. His voice cracks.

You smile. "Hey. Want some company?"

He nods, and leans back on the sofa in a charade of comfortability. Still, his knee is bouncing nervously. He takes a long sip of Stella from the can. "Having a nice night?"

"Yeah. People are starting to go to sleep, though, I think. Thought I'd see if I could bag a sofa."

"Oh, yeah, sure." He moves to get up. "Have this one."

"No, you don't have to go, Billy." You smile up at him and grab his wrist. It makes the breath catch in his throat. "Stay. Please?"

He looks down at you through the dim light of the living room. There are no lights on, but outside, the street light filters through the privacy nets. It sends an unnatural orange across the room. His heart is in his throat. You look so perfect here. He obeys you, and sits back down.

"Where's Tom?" he asks quietly after a moment, struggling to catch a topic to fix on. But he wants to talk to you about anything at all.

You laugh quietly. "Shagging Sofia's brains out, I think."

"Oh." Billy's cheeks flush. Even hearing you mention sex sends bolts of heat through him. God, do you know what sex is? Do you want sex? Do you wanna have sex with him? God, what does your skin feel like? Fuck, he-

"I wonder if they'll make it official for the summer," you muse. You don't notice how he shifts slightly where he sits.

"I dunno. She's going up north for uni, right?"

You nod. "Sheffield Hallam. But there's trains to Sheffield, so..."

He nods. "Tickets are mental, though. Not sure he could afford them regularly on an apprentice wage." He looks up at you. "You glad you're not going to uni?"

You nod and smile and lean your head against the back of the sofa. "Yeah. Maybe I'll go when I'm a proper grown up," and you put air quotes around the phrase, making him laugh, "but for now I just wanna get a job and see how it goes."

He mirrors you. "Me too."

"I'm gonna stay at the cafe until after the summer, though."

"Yeah?"

You turn to face him a bit more, pulling one knee up on the sofa. He swallows and bites his lip. "Yeah. I don't wanna work too hard just yet. I want one last summer of fun."

Billy smiles slightly, wondering if the yellow light hides his blush. "Me too. We're only young once, right?"

You nod, and a comfortable silence falls between you. He watches as you trace a pattern on your knee. You can feel his gaze on you, and after a while, you look up. His pretty, blue eyes lock with yours. Both of you stop breathing for a moment.

It feels like a spell is put over you. If either of you speak, or move, perhaps it will be broken. So you just look at one another. It makes your heart race. It gives him butterflies in his stomach. Seconds pass. Heat pricks his skin.

He finds courage that has evaded him his whole life. He breathes your name. The spell remains heavy between you. "I... I don't know how to say it."

Your voice is a whisper. "Say what?"

"I..."

You shift on the soft sofa and lean a little closer to him. You're both sat fully facing each other now, and you rest your hand in front of his on the cool leather. "Billy..."

He swallows thickly. "I want... to spend the summer with you."

You blink. You're not sure what he means. But there is something vulnerable in his eyes that you don't often see. "Yeah. I mean, we're mates, we'll see each other."

"Not as... not as mates."

Between you, he stretches his fingers slightly, and suddenly your fingertips are touching his. Nothing else exists.

All you feel is where your skin meets his.

All you see are his eyes. His mouth.

He whispers your name again. "I... you know how I feel. Don't you?"

"I don't know," you breathe unsteadily.

His thumb runs up the side of your finger, and the intensity of the feeling makes your eyes close. "I... I like you. Like, really like you."

This feels too good to be true. "As a friend?"

"No." When you don't pull your hand away, he finds the strength to weave his fingers through yours. God, you feel so small in his hand. He wants to hold you, to protect you, to make you feel so good. "As more than friends."

"Billy."

The way you lean forward without realising makes him want to cry with relief, with want. He's never kissed anyone before. He's never wanted to kiss anyone but you.

With his free hand, he gently touches your cheek with his knuckles, and his touch glides along your jaw. A very soft noise of delight escapes him when his fingers glide over your hair. And then he leans forward, and he kisses you.

In the morning, you wake up to the sound of people rattling around the kitchen. It sounds like a clean up from last night. That's the tradition - if someone hosts, everyone else has to help clean up the next morning, no matter how bad the hangovers are.

It takes a moment for you to remember where you are. You're on the sofa with someone between you and the back of it. Looking down, you see very familiar hands around you. Billy is pressed tight behind you, and his arms are strong. You press against him slightly, and when he makes a noise of acknowledgement on the skin of your neck, you shiver.

"Billy," you whisper. He murmurs your name in response. You turn over in his arms and press your forehead against his. This tightly wrapped against him, your nose bumps against his. "Did you mean what you said last night?"

He nods, still half asleep. You're still a bit foggy from it, too. Luckily, you don't get hangovers, so at least there's no pain. "I want you," he whispers hoarsely.

You kiss his cheek, and it sends sparks through your whole body. "I want you, too."

Relief like no other you've ever felt washes over you. You pull yourself from his arms and stand up. When he buries his face into the cushions, you laugh and tug his hand. "C'mon, Billy. It's time for clean up."

With a groan, he drags himself up off the sofa, and stands up with stooped shoulders. Your eyes close when he touches his forehead against yours again. You feel sweaty and unclean, but it's such a sweet moment that it's easy to push aside. For a moment at least. Billy tries to kiss you, and you pull away with a laugh.

"Clean up first," you tell him.

Again, he groans, but he is smiling. "And then?"

"And then we have the summer of our lives."

[godlytemperance]

npmd headcanons because my brain is rotted <3 <3

heehee hoohoo i am rotating the entirety of hatchetfield in my brain

im updating this as i think of more stuff so bear with me if this gets stupidly long

richie has audhd. i know this because he is me i am him we are EACH OTHER /j

ruth and richie met in the anime section of barnes and noble in middle school and nearly screamed when they realized they were going to the same high school later on

steph is lactose intolerant and is not brave about it ever. tries to share a hot chocolate with pete and spends the next three hours miserable

grace is doomed to kill in every timeline but it can be prevented by her best friends keeping her too occupied with mundane nonsense for her to find a gun

richie has so much tboy cringe energy. that man kins sasuke you cannot tell me i'm wrong

i have hit them all with my transgender and gay beam >:3c they're the friend group that hit their gender and sexuality realizations in waves. someone's egg cracked first (richie) and it set off a chain reaction

pete is genderfluid and usually presents masc (he/they)

bi with no strong preference either way

only recently began to dabble with femininity in his gender presentation

steph is gnc transmasc (he/she, used interchangeably)

bi with a masc preference

no matter who you are, if you have a crush on steph, you're gay. them's the rules pal

richie is transmasc (he/it)

aroace spectrum! he's demi on both ends, fluctuates pretty often.

somehow incredibly perceptive to romance unless it directly involves him, then he's as dense as a brick

ruth is a girlthing because she's swag like that (she/it/they)

pan with a fem preference

her preferred type is pathetic mascs and intimidating fems

grace is fem-presenting nonbinary (she/they)

formerly closeted lesbian

had the WORST case of comphet until she realized she didn't necessarily have to be attracted to MEN to be attracted to masculinity :3

max is transfem (she/he)

she's a butch lesbian!!! she doesn't feel pressured to be hyper-feminine after realizing she's trans, because she's already pretty happy with her outward presentation

saw all her new friends going through their various gender and sexuality realizations and is just "i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me :)" (it did)

OH also paul is richie's uncle! richie's dad is paul's older brother. they don't interact much but it is literally Autism to Autism

if the group were to fall victim to any of the Lords in Black, it'd probably be as follows:

max - wiggly. rage hatred biting nightmare nightmare >:3

steph - nibbly. he's got the closest ties to the CotSC and also we need more nibbly rep

pete - tinky. duh. probs gets trapped in the box in timelines where steph dies before him and he desperately wants to bring her back

richie - blinky. idk it's just vibes to me. he seems like the kind of guy to go nuts for eye symbolism

ruth - pokey. she's a theater kid and i think that pokey would have a field day shoving her into the fucked up and evil spotlight

grace - all of them. they take turns babysitting her in various timelines. she is their favorite child

richie 100% uses anime terminology to describe normal ass situations. he calls steph a tsundere once and steph has to act like her world wasn't just shifted two inches to the left for the rest of the day

oh also in redemption timelines they have movie / bingewatch nights!! they cycle between everyone's favorite shows or films. it's the best part of their week every single time

max was cast as a leading role the one and only time she ever auditioned for theater and it freaked her out so much that she declined the role

richie's hair is Like That because he tried to get the cool anime spiky hairstyle to work for him (it didn't) (he doesn't realize this until college)

pete was a greek mythology girlie i just know this. something about him screams "i read percy jackson way too much as a kid"

also grace hand embroiders all her clothes as a hobby! (this is semi-canon, since she has embroidered strawberries on the cuffs of her jeans in the show)

the first time steph smoked ouid, he made the mistake of using cbd oil and a pipe at the same time. man was in SPACE

all of them are poly with each other but at different levels:

steph and pete are Dating dating. so are max and grace. wholesome yaoi VS toxic yuri

ruth and steph are almost definitely "best friends" in the historical sense

richie and ruth are qpp. if they were both 100% straight they'd probably be the most annoying couple in the world

pete and richie kiss sometimes but its genuinely platonic for them. just bros being bros

ruth and pete are friends to ??? to lovers to friends who cuddle sometimes

richie and steph are polar opposites but they love each other to death. black cat and orange cat kind of relationship

max and grace barely intersect with the nerds but they still consider all four of them to be part of their weird situationship

(grace definitely experimented with all four of them, with max's permission. just to be Sure. y'know.)

max is doing her best to make amends with the nerds but it is very slow going. she has gotten to casual fistbump level with them though!

the nerds usually just look at max and grace from the sidelines like they're watching two wild beasts circling each other in their enclosure. their flirting is NOT rated pg

richie unintentionally dropped the fact that he has a fursuit - a timberwolf, because i'm projecting - and ended up helping everyone design their fursonas. pete is a traditional chimera (goat, snake, and lion), steph is a plain black cat, ruth is a flemish giant rabbit (she did research), grace is a sheep, and max is a checkered-tail nighthawk.

any time that the group gets spam calls, all they have to do is hand the phone to ruth and they get taken off the lists the moment she speaks. ruth was frustrated by it at first but it became a game of "how many companies can i inconvenience before they stop calling hatchetfield numbers entirely"

steph braided pete's hair once and he damn near proposed on the spot

ruth knows how to sew (from doing tech) and helps teach max how to mend her clothes! max ends up being really good at it! she goes on to teach the entire football team how to fix their uniforms and ruth ends up being the honorary team favorite for at least a year

im taking jon matteson's "richie should have blue hair in a movie version of NPMD" and fucking sprinting with it. he dyes his hair at least once a year and it's a wildly different color every time

ruth is the kind of gal to love games with lots of violence because it makes her feel like a badass vigilante (she can barely do a push-up in real life) (just like me)

steph is deeply afraid of large bodies of water. major L on his part seeing as he lives on a fucking island

bouncing off of the above hc, pete's afraid of planes. these two can't travel out of hatchetfield without one of them nearly shaking out of their own skin

max doesn't actually like football that much. she's REALLY good at it, yeah, but she'd prefer to play most other sports even if she isn't good at them! she likes the challenge of doing something she won't automatically win!

grace probably writes lists of things to keep everything in order. she's got lists of all her favorite foods, a checklist of daily chores, etc etc (it's also because she's got undiagnosed autism and she functions better when she has a Routine)

no matter what, pete will always stop and talk to the homeless man downtown. he doesn't really know why, though. (ted wishes he could say something to pete, but he never does. best to keep him at arms length.)

ruth really really really reeaaaally wants to cosplay but she's nervous that she'll be deemed as the "cringy weirdo" by other con-goers. she eventually admits this to richie, who rallies the group into a group cosplay for moral support

it takes a lot of debate for them to find a fandom they all want to cosplay from. they settled on FNAF, specifically security breach bc it's Timely (they go to the con in 2022)

pete is glamrock freddy, steph is monty, ruth is glamrock chica, and max is roxy!

richie was glamrock bonnie and he gets so mad when the official design comes out a year later bc it was completely different than what he imagined

grace eventually agrees to dress up as vanessa (she never played the games) (she thinks the pizzaplex is a real animatronic mall) (everyone they meet thinks she's method acting)

they end up crashing at ruth's place absolutely DRAINED. they all have imprints on their arms from carrying around an absurd amount of merch. pete nearly started a fistfight in the parking lot with a bakugo cosplayer. max nearly finished it.

they all agreed that it was one of the best things they've ever done and also to Never Do It Again

richie had a brief phase where he was obsessed with black butler and he regrets it to this day

grace and max both have scary dog energy but in different directions. max (post-transition) looks really intimidating at first glance but she's got golden retriever energy. grace will stare at you with the scariest fucking eyes if you're mean to retail employees

steph has always wanted a pet, but her dad never allowed it. when he moves out and gets an apartment with the nerds, they all agree to rescue a pair of bonded cats for his birthday. steph doesn't stop crying for at least an hour

steph and pete named one of the cats, while ruth and richie picked the other one's name.

Mittens is the Lautski baby, a black and white girlie who is incapable of mischief. she's like the disney ideal of a cat. she's a cuddle monster and will be so sad if you have to get up and do things without her

ruth and richie are the proud coparents of Sir Jotaro Gooberton (the Third). he is the most stupid tabby you will ever meet in your life and he has made the crime rate in the household go up tenfold.

a very common Lautski date night is going to the candle section of walmart and just sniffing every single one of those bad boys until they get a headache

[mothdruid]

✨ Happy Birthday!!! ✨

Would you please do this prompt for Mills or Flip? (Adam Driver characters)

⋆ “god, you’re freezing! come here, let me warm you up.”

Thank you! I hope you have a great birthday!

omg! thank you so much for requesting an adam driver character! i hope i did Mills justice (:

This was not supposed to happen. You were not supposed to crash on this god forsaken planet. It was supposed to go smoothly, a regular transport mission like normal. If it wasn't for that ridiculous asteroid field. The one that Mills was supposed to miss.

Did you blame him for this? No. Were you mad at him? Yes.

You knew that it was ridiculous to be mad at him, but you just couldn't help it. And he couldn't either. The situation had put the both of you on edge. Not only that, but the ship was barely stocked for a situation like this.

You were lucky to have found the equipment able to figure out if things were okay to eat or not, which also happened to purify water. Some grenades were in the stock, a long with one gun and a knife. The ship had been lacking in medical supplies, which had also added to your frustration.

Day after day the two of you had been barely surviving. Large creatures had chased you through out the area. The landscape was unpredictable, change what felt like every time you turned around. And the weather was even more unpredictable than the landscape, which the two of you were trying to survive right now.

It had been on and off raining all day, resulting in the temperature lowering. Just like the ship not having the proper supplies, neither of you had the proper clothing to accommodate the rain and cooler temperatures. You two couldn't afford to stop moving during the day though, so you made your way through the wooded areas and hoped time would pass before you got hypothermia. Eventually the two of you stumbled upon a cave as it started to turn dark.

It felt nice to be out of the rain, finally getting some much needed cover. As much as you wanted to strip off your wet clothes you couldn't. Everything outside was wet, meaning neither of you would be able to find kindling or sticks for a fire. Instead, Mills decided to illuminate the cave with the tracking device so at least the two of you could see.

The both of you were on separate sides of the cave, the noise of rain being the only thing filling the cave. You had your knees pulled to your chest, trying to maintain some form of warmth. You kept trying not to stare over at him, but you couldn't help it.

He was looking out of the cave, keeping an eye out in case anything braved the rain to find their way in. The way his wet hair was framing his face was stirring something inside of you. A weird part of you wished that you could run your fingers through his hair, pushing it back to show off more of his face.

"Hmm?" Mills voice was low and deep.

You stared at him for a moment, shocked he said anything. A shiver ran through you from the cool temp of the cave and your wet clothes.

"I didn't say anything," you replied.

"But you're staring," he looked back from the cave entrance at you.

His gaze was making your insides squirm. You pulled your legs a little closer to you, try to counteract the chills that were setting in now.

"Sorry," you whispered, then turned to look out of the cave.

Mills had taken notice to your frequent shivers. He knew that the wet clothes didn't help, but he was hoping that at least the cover would help. Apparently, he was proven wrong. He stood up and walked over to your side of the cave, sitting down next to you. He was shoulder to shoulder with you now, startling you a little.

"Why are you-"

"You’re freezing, come here, let me warm you up.” His words were soft and caring.

You stared at him for a moment, feeling a little unsure. When you didn't move he put an arm around you, pulling you towards him. He helped you shift to a comfortable position, your back to his chest with his arms wrapped around you. You were shocked with how warm he was, practically a heater.

"Better?" He asked cautiously.

"Yeah, better," you now shyly responded.

The chills and shivers slowly started to disappear. His heat was comforting, making you almost forget about the warm bed back on your home planet. But for the time being, this would be more than enough.

[rising-volteccers]

Episode 18 has given me a lot to think about Friede's character. Thus this is my personal thoughts of what we've known from his backstory. I have a lot to say so this is going to be long so if you're planning on actually reading this to the end, well buckle up. This is part one of two posts because Tumblr has a 30 image per post limit and I will not be denied putting in screencaps of the moments I love (which is the entirety of the episode).

Part two of the post is [here].

First and foremost, what interested me was that Friede had an actual proper job before this. When I think about Pokemon Professor, my mind goes to the likes of Professor Oak and Elm that have their own research labs. Of course so long as they were an expert in a particular field and researchers in their own right, they didn't need a base of operations so to speak. To my knowledge, usually they were 'self employed' as in they didn't work for someone. Seeing Friede as he is now, it's hard to picture being under someone's employment. It doesn't suit him, and as we'll learn later, he's not meant to be cooped up in a laboratory doing research all day.

We know from Episode 13 that the Brave Asagi was created from Ludlow's fishing boat so it's implied that Friede, Orla and Ludlow knew each other from before the formation of the Rising Volt Tacklers. We learn that Friede and Orla were childhood friends that used to live in Kanto before Orla moved to the Hoenn region. What prompted Friede to be in Paldea might be related to that job he recently quit but what I want to know is the exact relation between Ludlow and Friede.

Ludlow is clearly trying to cheer Friede from his slump. This speaks of a familiarity between the two and given their massive age gap, a part of me wonders if Ludlow is actually Friede's biological grandfather. He refers to Ludlow as Gramps but that could simply be how he addresses someone who he's close and familiar with. Still, the way Ludlow speaks here implies that this Friede has been coming here to fish for multiple days. Ludlow sees that someone as young as Friede should go and seek opportunities with his own two hands instead of wasting his days away. I really like seeing this and hope we'll get to learn more about Ludlow in future episodes.

Here, there's multiple things that caught my attention. We now know for certain that Lucca was Friede's old school teacher. That's the connection that the had, and one that lasted for years after Friede finished school. They likely had a good bond seeing that Charizard was super friendly to her, not to mention that she kept up to tabs with Friede's life seeing that she knew he quit his job. Friede said she hadn't contacted him in years thus giving me the impression that she had her connections because Friede doesn't give me the vibes of someone who'd use social media and post everything about their life.

It makes me wonder just how much Friede looked up to Lucca. Teachers who left an impact on you tend to last even long after you've graduated I find. It seemed that Friede shared his dreams of becoming a Pokemon Professor to Lucca, so much so that she recalled just how happy he was. I'm hoping someday we could get more insight on that.

Alright, this is going to veer heavily into personal interpretation and headcanons. From the way that Friede spoke about himself being a genius Pokemon Professor where there's nothing that he didn't know about these mysterious creatures doesn't sound like an empty boast. If we considered how he did the Professor Friede segment at the end of the episodes, he'd be on the same footing as Professor Oak, one of the most well known professors of all time. I imagine had he actually done that, then it couldn't just be hosted by any professor. It needed to be by a professor who truly knew a lot about Pokemon.

Friede believes himself to be a genius Pokemon Professor (as he stated this once or twice more throughout the episode) where he knows all that is to know about Pokemon but now he's in a rut and he doesn't know what to do with his life.

Now I've mentioned a few times before that I personally headcanon Friede to have undiagnosed ADHD. To me, Friede just feels like a burnt out gifted kid.

Given the ambiguity of his age yet he was considered a fully accredited Pokemon Professor that had a job before Lucca made that phone call and he looks like he's in his late teens to late twenties, picture this:

You have a strong interest in Pokemon. You happily tell your favorite teacher that you're going to become a Pokemon Professor to do all kinds of research. You are genuinely intellectually smart and loves learning about Pokemon so you go through years of study, pushed by your drive to learn everything and believing you've done so when you became a Pokemon Professor. You were eligible to be hired on as a company researcher, finally showcasing how you earned your credentials. But you learnt that it wasn't all that cracked up to be. You're putting what you've learnt into practice but being cooped in a lab, analyzing data just didn't sit right to you. Instead of forcing yourself through it, you decided that the better course of action is to quit. Hey, you found your freedom at last! After all those years of hard work, might as well take it easy yeah? Still, this is what you've been working towards. That's all you knew what you wanted to do since you shared your dream to your favorite teacher. You have the credentials, the knowledge and the means to do whatever you want but... you're just bored? Maybe not bored but there's just nothing interesting. You've worked hard to achieve your dream but did you consider anything aside from it? Now that you've realized that you're not really suited for researching in a lab, what can you do?

So the gist of it is gifted kid that worked hard towards becoming a Professor discovers that it might not be suited for him. That realization leaves him falling into a rut because he doesn't know what else he can do. He likely never considered the possibility of it not suiting him thus he doesn't have a back-up plan.

In that sense (and again, this is personal interpretation and a touch of self projection) I kind of relate to him. Going through school with good grades being fixated on multiple topics, thinking that this is what I want to do when I studied for my degree because it felt like the natural progression at the time but then finding out that it's not really suited for me. I've hit that wall and still in that figuring out what I want to do stage so seeing how Friede developed in this episode gave me hope that perhaps I can find that spark like him one day.

Anyway I just wanted to point this out cause this made me laugh.

Narrator voice: Let him cook. He will in fact one day imagine and experience it.

Friede would have dismissed that Pikachu entirely because he's still in that mindset of I know all that is to know about Pokemon. What I love about this scene is that for the first time since that flashback, there's a spark in Friede's eyes. He's likely experiencing excitement from have his interest piqued since he quit his job (or maybe even longer than that), to see something that he thought he knew existing outside this neat checkbox of a Pikachu's type, habitat, moves, etc.

Also I love how from his view, it looks like Pikachu's falling when it fact he's ascending. Friede's fallen into a rut but this is his first glimpse of eventually seeing a future where he will ascend high and free alongside Cap.

Funnily enough this is the halfway point of the episode so the second half of this post is [here].

[writing-frenzy]

Summery: 4 times robo N08071/Ingo held his favorite passenger + (the one time KUD471/Emmet held them.)

--------------

Warning: mentions of panic attacks, emotional trauma, characters having triggers, previous body harm. This is based on the amazing @marchy-emmet robo bros au they have, the boys one of my obsession that I wrote out. Sorry if I wrote them weird, this story wanted out and I'm still learning Emmet and Ingo's voices. Hope you enjoy the story!

___________

Prologue (before hugs)

Winter stared at his ponyta as she desperately tried to neigh at him, the poor pokemon interrupted by whimpers as its cold shook them.

"Winnie, I'll be OK, you focus on getting better and I'll take the subway... it'll be all right." Winter said, gently petting his pokemon's head, giving a little scratch at the base of her flaming main, his pokemon closing her big eyes at the touch, a sneeze coming out as she did. Combining that with her injury, his wild child was gonna be bed bound in the infirmary for quite a while.

Winter, unfortunate name aside, was a lot luckier than most other trainers when Unova iced over. He had just gone to Nimbasa Uni, dreams of being a field researcher high, only to get sidetracked down a research hole of terraflora. He was often a sight, him and his sunflora spending hours upon hours in the greenhouses, gently moving cottonees and whimscotts from their research along with other bug pokemon.

And Winter, after yet another night of thesis and studying... noticed he had missed out on his birthday, once again.

So he had decided, fuck it, and used a much illegal little hack to withdraw all his pokemon from his PC box. It wasn’t that many, just a little over the limit anyway. His frie- classmates had been busy, so he wanted to celebrate with those who he knew were always happy to see him.

Was he so glad he did that though; each of his pokemon were indispensable in this crisis.

His Raichu(Sparks) a loyal friend since a pichu, to help lead the electric pokemon, keep them in order to help keep things energetic.

Metagross(Griss), a rescue with his Ponyta(Winnie), the two only listening to him the reason why he had them. The two were vital in their own ways, Griss a wizard when it came to fixing anything mechanical not to mention a terror on the feild.

Not to forget Winne, he wouldn't be able to get anywhere in this frozen land without her, Winter had been able to actually find other safe havens due to her and actually get to them.

This is little sunshine in this frozen hell, his Sunflora(Sunny) his loyal assistant with her gardening and sunny day move, drawing in others who could do it as well, giving themsteady supplies of food and other things. She lead the gardening team, vital in providing supplies for trade and assistance for all those still fighting in Unova.

His two delibirds siblings starters (Delivery and Sweets) aiding greatly in their physical defying hammer space and plain ability to calm him. Thanks to them, he could transport more supplies to safe spaces and markets still running despite everything... both emotional and physical going on around them.

His watchhog and her mate, (Patty and Patrick), two important sentries and some great first-line defense, at least until his heavy hitter came in the form of Griss and his Ditto, (Puddle)... Not to mention every single wild pokemon willing to fight for this last safe space, Winter being the only accepted human for... reasons.

"Its fine guys, I'll be okay, I've take the subway before." Sure, it had been I'm the earlier day, when few dared to brave it, and he had been in a group. "I won't be alone guys... I'll take some of the ice pokemon with me."

"Vol!" Was suddenly announced from behind the pale blue haired man, turning pale green and icy mixed match eyes to the fire moth pokemon behind him.

"Ash? You sure you wanna come? Shouldn't you be with your mat-okok, I get it, you're coming!" Winter couldn’t help but laugh as he was lightly headbutted by the absolutely giant Volcarona. Pushing the fire bug away, the man couldn't help but give them a few scratches alongside their head, his worries feeling a bit lighter than before. "Let me get the fly gear and you an ice nullifier, and we'll be off."

Setting up the pokemon, letting most do their own thing with a couple of reassurances for the more clingy ones, the pale haired 27 year old took a deep breath, bundled up while Ash waited for them, their shiny golden wings fluttering ever so, fiery scales falling and keeping the place just warm enough.

"Alright, showtime." With practiced ease, Winter climbed upon the special harness rigged for the bug pokemon, easily clipping and securing himself in before they were off.

Like this, high above the world, with his specially designed goggles to deal with night vision and snow blindness, Unova as a land once so bright and free became a haunting waste of what it once was. Long gone was a place of peace and bonds, but a place so cold it turned its remaining people just as frozen hearted...

Or just cold corpses, trapped under layer of layer of snow...

Despite the warmth of the pokemon flying him, and the protective gear, Winter couldn’t stop the shakes in his hands as he gripped the handle of Ash's harness.

It was fine, he was going to be just fine.

But getting to the subway, Winter frowned as he realized he was in for some troubles; namely, with the new rules, some catching the eye more then others.

Do not disturb any of the security bots; they will be watching everything.

No Pokemon on or in Subway cars; all must be in their pokeballs, no exceptions.

DO NOT MAKE ANY THREATING MOVES, GESTURES, WORDS, OR ACTIONS THAT CAN BE TAKEN AS THREAT: THE SECURITY ANDROID AI CAN AND WILL USE LEATHAL FORCE IF NECESSARY.

Mismatched green and blue eyes took in the other new rules, the multiple of minor bots that were basically remote-controlled guns, and a rather intimidating android passing through the cars one by one to inspect the cabs, they closed tightly, fists tight as they counted.

123

Despite how strong the Volcarona was and how willing it would be to try, flying everywhere he needed to go was just stupid and potentially fatal to both of them, the winds during the fatal complete blackout hours sometimes the worst with the unseen dangers from ice to pokemon.

4567

It would be more efficient to just go on the subway, the underground unaffected by the ice and storms above. The subways were also much better off than the last time Winter was here as well, better security and more... people around.

89-10

... Winter could do this... he had too, least people end up actually dying from his inaction...

Taking a deep breath, the man managed to just barely convince Ash to enter the emergency medicine transport pokeball he had just in case for the wild pokemon, before entering the subway, hoping he wasn't lying to himself...

(Again)

_________________________

1) panic attack (there is a description of a panic attack here, be forwarned)

First few times Winter took the subway were no problem. Relying on Ash and his mate, Char, to get him from home to the station was the easy part, especially with Puddle insisting he come a long a few times, the journey to and fro was simple. Winter used both the subway and his partner's help to transport food and supplies, in turn trading for his own goods and services he needed, like spare parts and manuals, to other foods he could get his hands on.

Winter had also managed to get some information gathered on Plasma movements, getting the data and messages moved easily among the supplies he had to the Resistance. Hopefully it'll help this big plan they're cooking up.

And with no one interested in talking, either stuck in their own thoughts or enjoying the actions of the entertainment android on the screen or in person, Winter was usually left alone.

But as things go in life, it can't all be smooth sailing over the icy desert; life can't give you wins without some losses after all.

It started with only a minor one.

"Welcome, wonderful passenger's! Today, subway train 10 on the green line, cab number 4 gets to enjoy my presence! Come in and enjoy the ride, we have plenty of fun games and other activities to do." Was announced by the famous entertainment android itself, KUD471 or Emmet as some of the passengers have taken to call the friendly bot.

Stiffening, Winter closed his eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath in and out, hand gripping the pole just a bit harder. It was fine, the ai robot wouldn't approach anyone unless they made eye contact or approached them first.

It would be fine... he just had to make sure he didn't look at their face... or anyone elses.

"Don't make any sudden actions and we'll be just fine pal." Was suddenly said by his side, the cheerful tone a poor disguise for the threat that came out. Winter stiffened even more, his fist now pale beneath his gloves from the force he was putting on the pole. "Just need you to walk with me, need you to answer some questions I have and all? Can you do that for me?" As this was going on, loud music started to play, the bot putting on music to lift a few cheers from others.

The former college student couldn’t breathe.

"We're beautiful, like diamonds in the sky~ shine bright like a diamond~"

Winter couldn’t breathe.

"Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you friend." With that, Winter was turned to the man who was threatening him.

And saw the smiling face.

Haven't we been friends long enough?

Winter screamed, force once used to keep him in place used to push that man away, back away as he did, only to find himself backed into a wall. Breath not coming in, everything much to bright and loud at the party, too many people around him, Winter sobbed as he realized there was no way out, nothing he could do.

He would only be able to stand there and take it.

Nonononopleasenodragons help please.

Smiles. Smiles all around.

A smile approach them, purples lights shining above.

"Nooooooooooo." Winter whines, mismatched eyes swollen but unable to stop from seeing the smiles around him, panic the only thing on his mind, clouding everything around him.

And then he feels cold arms around him, metal and with no give. Looking up, Winter takes in no smiles and red eyes.

"Griss?" And like his fears have all been wiped out, Winter goes boneless as he is held in strong metal arms, feeling the reassuring strength hidden under the soft padding the pokemon usually puts on to try and give better hugs with no freezing and sharp angles. "Griss I'm scared, I wanna go home."

(For his part, N08071 stared at the suddenly cuddly human, his attena moving back and forth like crazy as he sent his brother messages. He had intended to sedate the poor panicked human after he had subdued the cause of their panic, taking over as there was no sign his brother would be able to calm them.

He did not expect to be able to do what his brother couldn't.

-Emmet! What do I do, the human has suddenly calmed and I do not wish to put them through further turmoil after they have just found peace! I have been remiss in my knowledge in first aid for panic attacks, and could really use aid in turn.-

-I am Emmet: Don't worry Ingo, you're doing great. They've probably mistaken you for a pokemon, a steel type with red eyes. Keep them red for now, and start guiding the human in breathing exercises either nonverbally or with metallic noises. I'll ensure our unruly passenger is dealt with in the mean time.-

With the less of a second communication between the robots, each went about doing their own course, Ingo gently leading the human to calm before passing out, while Emmet made both a game and an example of the man who dared to disrupt their passengers.)

_________________________

2) might as well ask for it

There was a sticky note on the former gym leaders back.

POKE ME C:

Just... there, on the former Dragon type leader's back.

Hmm.

"Hey... Mr Drayden?"

"Hm?"

"You got a little something on your back." At Winter's words, the man sighed, even as his lips did get a little quirk to them, judging how his beard moved a bit.

"Let me guess, it says kick me?"

"... Poke Me."

That made the tired man huff a bit, mouth hidden by his beard, whatever smile his eyes hinted to hidden.

(Thank Arceus)

"Troublesome bot; if you take the subway, be wary if the white robot offers a hug; usually a means for a prank." Even as he sounded scolding, the elder man couldn't hide how he was softening even as he took the note off from his back.

Hmm, if Winter remembered right, the old man's brother was an infamous prankster when he was alive, his tricks legendary, and still found in the remains of the internet for those who could afford to have it... the bot's little trick probably brought back fond memories for the elderly man.

"Of course, most people have to ask for hugs, safer to ask them than people who could abuse it after all... so you should be ok... speaking of the subway, could you get these letters to Elsa while you go." The man says rather off handily, getting a blink from Winter.

And thus lead to Winter once more greeting the subway bots and their maker...

After last time, finding himself waking up in the security bots arms, tear stains on his face along with the red blush of embarrassment, the two had been stuck in an apology spiral till the rather electrifying woman came and put a stop to it.

"Instead of apologizing, how about thanking them instead?"

And that has been the end of it. Winter has seen both bots a few times after that, always nodding in greeting to them both, even if he had to nod to KUD471 or Emmet's as he preferred, hat. He's wanted to actually thank them with more than words, but honestly, what does one give to ai robots? If nothing else, he wants to give them something, at least they'll like it.

So he got them a shiny fake thunderstone keychain clicker because if Emmet doesn't scream electric, he's blind. For N08071 or Ingo if he's correct, he found a three-way fidget spinner shapedlike a Chandelure, something that can at least be traded if the bot doesn't like it.

He just has to give it to them... something he has a chance for since he's waiting with them for Elsa to get back.

Yeah, he's just trying to escape reality right now.

"Have you been OK?" Was suddenly asked, making Winter jump from the loud voice, turning to see the green eyes of the Security bots, who look almost frozen, if not for the way their attena was wiggling.

... Fuck it.

"Fine, just nervous... I have something I want to give to thank you and your.. brother? Compainion?" Winter says, getting two surprised blinks from the bots, the lightsbin their eyes seemingly glitchy as they do it..

"Ah, Emmet is my brother! But thanks are not necessary -"

"I am Emmet. I want presents."

That gets a snort from Winter, but he does take out the items, having carried them in his front pocket of his jacket, just in case. Giving them to the bots, he watches as they both take them in, Emmet enjoying the clicking option on the keychain, while Ingo seems entranced by the fidget spinner, messing with the three levels in it with ease.

It's this that Elsa walks into, amused even as she squints at them.

"I see you guys were having fun without me."

"These items are both simple yet highly addictive, I feel I could lose minutes just analyzing them." Ingo exclaims, Emmet letting out a chipper beep sound in agreement. Winter could feel himself relax, just a bit, that the two did like the gifts. Though going over to Elsa, he was surprised by the look of suspicion in the former gym leader's eyes, but accepted it as part of their world, passing her the letters, Winter was about to leave when she called him back.

"Is there anything you want in return?"

Blinking at the unexpected question, as his mail trade and supply support prices were done through most of the resistance forces, Winter's was gonna be a bit blunt in asking what she was talking about when words from another gym leader came to him.

"-Ask for hugs, safer to ask them than people who could abuse it after all..."

... was the pale blue haired man that touched starved, that desperate for affection he would turn to a security bot because he couldn't trust people?

(Sticky warmth of bare skin and leering smiles...

...Yes, he was.)

"...Could I possibly get a hug from Ingo? Only if it is possible and not a bother to you of course, I know your time is busy, keeping people safe, moderating through the smaller robots and such-" Winter rambled, get surprised and stunned looks all around.

And then he felt hesitant, but firm arms wrap around him, making Winter stop his rambling as he realized the Security bot cam to him on his own...

It was a good hug, a lit warmer, what with the bots in an air controlled room all this while... it was a good warm.

So focused on the hug, Winter forgot there was two other people in the room, watching and still stunned.

(Sure, people were grateful to the station, and have even given gifts before... but their was always an ulterior motive.

People wanting an in at the subway, information on various things, bribes and much more has come through their doors... and Winter, one of the most mysterious guys in all of Unova, always having food and good people would kill and die for, always willing to trade and aid the resistance however he could, asking for very little in return... it left people on edge, wondering when he would demand more.

But watching how this obvious young man just melted in an unsure Ingo's arms, the body in turn relaxing into it as well, Elsa came to a rather tragic understanding.

Winter was just a broken person who wanted to help...

As for Emmet, as happy as he was that his brother got to share in the joys of hugs, a slowly building, worrying suspicion came to him, things Elsa realized and yet more came to the entertainment bot... things he would have to figure out.

And thus, came about a most interesting friendship with bots and man.)

_________________________

3) pictures taken

"Emmet has a camera. He knows how to use it." Was said by one of the many smaller android bots Emmethas taken to making, this tiny one looking much like Ingo with its green eyes and darker mini coat. Chuckling as he sees the bot raise its little plush-like arms up for 'upppies', Winter picks them up, snorts as he sees the little, yet rather heavy guy place it's hat on his pale blue head.

"What are you doing?"

"Marking my territory!"

"Does that mean it's my hat now?"

"Nope! You're mine now!"

Click!

Blinking in surprise, both human and bot turn to see Emmet with his little face mask on, smile hidden behind as he waves it.

"I am Emmet. That was cute. Yup. Great shot too." The robots cheer can't be hidden no matter what, making Winter give an uneasy, but real smile back.

Baby steps.

"Hey Emmet, I see Elsa finished your maintenance first, huh?... did you have anymore food stuck in you again?"

"Not this time. I have become better at accepting gifts from passengers." So saying, the entertainment bot lifts up their new camera, obviously pleased as punch with it.

"That's good-oh, do you want down little guys? Hmm?" Winter asked, only to get confused as the bot shakes it's head, excitedly bopping their tiny little arms on his own arms.

"Ah, KU70 wants you to hold him like a baby." Emmet motions, gathering his feathered boa like it's a baby. Raising a brow, first at the bigger bot, then down to the little one, Winter shakes his head before doing as the little guy wants, preceeding to hold the smaller mini version of Ingo sans hat like one would cradle an infant.

And of course it's when Ingo comes in.

A part of Winter sighs at just how much the other's presence relaxed him, while the other part is too relieved he's there.

"Ah Winter, you just missed Elsa leaving the other way! You can still catch her if you have any business with her." Ingo said, getting a nod from Winter in understanding.

"Just some mail and packages someone requested I pass on to her-" and here Winter couldn’t help but cut himself off, watching as Ingo tried to smile at him.

It... was a good attempt, despite how crooked it looked. Enough to give Winter pause.

"Winter?" And now Ingo went back to his frown, his green screen eyes widening as he saw his friend stutter, trying to scan for anything he could.

And Winter couldn’t help but feel like shit for it.

"I'm-I'm fine, not gonna cry."

"Its fine if you need to. We're here if you need to destress." Emmet was by his side easily, his cold hands on the back of his neck easily calming Winter down from his little scare.

"I'm fine, just didn't expect the smile, I'll be good in a bit." Winter explains, not realizing he's closed his eyes till he feels soft pats from KU70 still being cradle in him arms.

Oh thank Arceus he didn't drop them.

"... Smiles are a trigger for you, aren't they." Winter pauses, taking in those words and just how... sad they are. Looking to Ingo, who looks unsure for a moment, the human sighs as he motions the other to him, one arm holding the little guy, while getting a one arm hug from the much bigger security android.

"It's something that happened long ago and something I don't usually have to worry about, sad as it is... I'll be OK, I do have support at least."

Click- is the thing to interrupt the moment, getting attention once more on the picture taker.

"I am Emmet. Remember, you also have us now as well. We may get rusty, but you can have our shoulders to cry on if need be."

"I got it, let go of humans tears, save pokemon tears." That gets the two worried robot interesting looks on their faces fromthe old kanto saying, even if there is some confusion there.

"I'm sorry, but what do pokemon tears have to do with this?" Ingo asked, getting a nod from Emmet.

"Oh, yeah, you guys probably don't know much of Kanto myths and legends. If you like, i can tell you?" Grateful for the subject change even if the conversation wasn't too detailed...

But was enough to confirm two ai's suspicions.

(They are Emmet. The things they do, the things he says, scripted and made for joy. To bring any bit of cheer and smiles to this cold land. To make others forget the misery of the cold so they can keep moral up. He himself has built his own code, learned mischief and pranks for good-natured fun themself.

He is meant to being smiles with his own smiles...

And yet... he can't do that with Winter.

No. Because some had made it to where Emmet's whole purpose. The thing he was made for. Is. Someone. Else's. Nightmare.

Someone had ruined smiles for Winter.

Someone dared to hurt the man with a smile on their face.

Emmet looks over to his brother, Ingo's eye screens edging red around the green, the entertainment bot's own eyes probably going a more redish purple himself over the rambling man's head.

It would be for the best for neither android to ever meet the one who hurt Winter. They'll probably do something they won't regret.)

_________________________

4) before the grand fight

It was finally happening. It was becoming real.

The last fight for the fate of Unova was to be decided soon. Led on four fronts, three for the dragons and one to face a genius madman in his tower. Each team was decided for their skills and minds, each the best to handle what was to come for them.

Ingo knew him and his brother were the best to handle the monster that the scientist Coltress had become. State of the art ai supercomputer intelligence against enhanced pokemon hybrid that was the scientist now.

It made sense: no human could handle the man.

He just wished Winter hadn't been the one chosen for his and his brother's team... but as the man could command and order so many pokemon around him, he was the best chance any of them had at breaking through Coltress's observatory and making it to his command center.

But still, Ingo could fully admit hr did like it, if to no one but himself.

"I am Emmet. I do not like this."

...and of course Emmet.

"Come on guys, time to look alive and face your Haunters... we do this right, we could see the sun again." Winter himself said, grim faced but mismatched eyes ever so determined, a five-o-clock shadow on his face forming showing how much focus the man was putting into this.

Ingo was liking this even less, scanning over the 29 year old, the two years they have gotten to know each other just increasing the security bot's want to wrap the other in cottonee cotton and hide them from the world.

"Is it really-"

"I'm coming with you Ingo, Emmet. I'm not leaving you with that monster alone." Was Winter's firm words on the matter. Even as his nervous little smile broke through.

"I won't say no to a hug before we go though."

Emmet huffed, "I am Emmet. I'll hug you after this is all over." His words getting a huff from Winter, before the man turned to Ingo with open arms.

"Well, gonna leave me hanging?"

Never.

Holding the shorter human, Ingo couldn't help but be struck by the analysis he could make about them. After all this time, besides Elsa, no other human has been as welcoming as Winter, had as much trust as the man did in that Ingo would protect him, wouldn't hurt them....

A trust Ingo doesn't even have on his worst days... when everything he scans as threat and hostile, the world much too loud and it feel like there is no one he can trust... Ingo is so, so blessed to have people like his brother, maker, and friend.

In this fight for the future, come what may... he will protect them.

(Green eyes watch in horror, his processors stalling at the scene before him.

"Hmm, never tested the solution on a human, never had any resources for it to test it, but this is interesting. What could destroy technology seems to only act as an small acid to a human, not even damaging much. Pity." The Monster they were fighting actually sighed, looking bemused at the human who got in the way of the chemical attack meant for the Security bot.

Winter stood tall, teeth gritted even as his hands balled into fists, everywhere the liquid had touched burning into him.

But that was not the end of his pain, as the man, still injured, used his own body to disrupt the entire energy supply of the tower, cut off all of Coltress's weapons, leaving just the pokemon hybrid himself.

But in doing so, Winter had to take all those Volts of electricity himself.

... Ingo. For the first time, he screamed as he and his brother took down the mad scientist, no regret for the loss of life the first time in Ingo's life.

No, he had more important people to worry about.)

_________________________

+ Emmet.

That couldn't be Winter. His sensors must have been damaged in that fight. The lightning was affecting them negatively, to where usually perfectly running system operations were malfunctioning. It must have been a bug, one Elsa missed in her frantic checks.

That. It...

It just couldn't be him.

"Hey boys, looks like we did it." Winter smiled blacken and red, looking all the more broken for it.

No. No. When Winter finally. Actually smiled, it was supposed to be fresh and new and wonderful. Something Emmet liked to theorize would be small but wonderful, like the flowers people liked to paint and make from paper.

Not this bloodied, burnt, near peeling grimace of pain and tiredness. Not defeated and triumph at the same time, eyes glazed in tears but also relief, so alive even as they were dying.

Because they were.. dying. They had taken on who knew how many thunders worth of electricity (no, he could-wouldn't calculate that.) There was no way he could survive it. No way any normal human could survive that, on top of whatever experimental drugs Coltress designed that Winter took into their system, taking that hit for Ingo. (He would have lost his brother if he hadn't done that-Dont).

It wasn’t right... it wasn’t fair. (Then again, when was anything about this world fucking fair?)

This frozen land was finally able to thaw... but they lost Winter with it.

Ingo was long since by the man's side, metal hands hovering over them, calculating just like he did where to touch him, how to administer first aid, anything that could be done.

Only with their advanced ai telling nothing could be done.

"... do you think I c-could see the sunrise? The first of many to reach us?" Winter's breath comes out more ragged, choked on the gore that most likely makes up the patchwork that is their body now.

At his brother's side, Ingo makes a sound between a screech and metal banging together, his attena frantically flapping as he stares at his first friend, losing themselves to the natural process.

Taking a false intake of air, letting his own attena lie flatly upon his head, Emmet gently goes about the process of picking them up in a way to cause the least damage.

"Emmet! They're-"

"T-thank you... I really need to see it..." was the quiet words that broke his brother off, mouth closing as those robotic green lights for eyes stared, angst and fear filling there in those usually calm observational features.

Gently, ever so carefully, Emmet made his way to one of the observation decks many shuttered windows. With no hybrid mad man in control, it was little work to take control of the window features, letting the metal shutters open once more, only this time, not for something destructive.

No, it's to let a light shine that hasn't been seen in years.

... it's not as warm as the subway should be... but his sensors are picking up a steady increase, slowly but surely...

It is pretty at least, the colors of red and yellow reminding the robot of joltiks and boldore, the reds and yellows shining as they break from the dark clouds. (Though speaking of joltiks, there sure are a lot around them now, looking rather teary with Winter's other pokemon, the pokemon openingly sobbing at their Trainer's pain, more from the college joining in in shared pain.)

"Its... wonderful..." is said, Emmet looking to his broken human friend, that smile sure to be immortalized in his memory banks, even after his robot body is tossed to the scrap yard. Those tears finally fall, and Emmet curses his uselessness once more, that he can not save his friend after everything, that his brother will lose his only friend in the end when this hopeful future is just a head of them.

Against his programming, against all he knows, Emmet wishes for once in his life, a miracle, even knowing it is impossible...

Seems life just lives to show him how unfair it is.

-ABNORMALITIES DETECTED-

Is the notification that gets his attention, lit up screens for his eyes widening, both trying to take in more of the area and stunned disbelief.

Strange, odd glowing blue drops surround his dying friend, seeming to enter him and surround him.

"What-"

"It's coming from the pokemon... it's their tears." Ingo states, voice stunned as he is feeling.

Pokemon tears.

Both remember a conversation ever so long ago, rambledas it was but never forgotten.

"You don't think-" but the words are stolen from Emmet, fully taking in all the pokemon just in the room with them, from the ones they released from the experimental rooms, to trainer pokemon they liberated, from even wild ones that came to their aid. To all the pokemon who helped in their battle, Winter's own still crying their hearts out.

Here they were, at the ruined battlefield, each of their tears coming to the aid of the human that helped ensure the day to be saved.

And with a gasp and a flash of blue, Winter was practically brand new. Watching at those mismatched pale green and icy blue eyes blink slowly open, Emmet could only find himself staring, every bit of themselves completely still.

Before he burst out laughing, hugging the suddenly confused Winter close, twirling them around as he did.

"Oh BRAVO" his brother yelled, noise controll the furthest from either of their though processors as he proceeded to pick both of them up, hysterical laughter and tears all around.

... the world still wasn’t fair, there was still going to be a whole lot of annoying work and people around... but...

That didn’t mean it still wasn’t worth living in.

‐-------------

I.. have so many thoughts about this au, not even funny. But what do I write about?

Robo hug. Nothing but robo hugs.

[bookofbolden]

TIMING: January 26, 2019 LOCATION: New York City PARTIES: Lily & Eleanor SUMMARY: During a belated birthday celebration Eleanor meets Lily for the first time. WARNINGS: None!

New York City winters were unforgiving and Eleanor was more excited about the fact that she and her friends had found a nice warm building to revive her hands and stop shivering than the fact that they had chosen to visit the bar in a sort of belated birthday celebration for her. She'd refused to allow anyone to acknowledge her actual birthday but after nearly a week of whining from her roommate she'd decided that she would put on a brave face and endure one night out with everyone, even a few fellow Columbia students that she didn't know. However, despite the weather, everyone was overly excited to be out and about in the city and it had caused her to suffer from a headache - she tried her best to smile and laugh at the right moments but the swirl of emotions around her made it difficult to focus on anything for too long. Eventually she closed her eyes and began to rub at her temples in an attempt to ease the pain.

"They say that you're a writer, is it true?"

When she looked up she noticed that a stranger had decided to take the seat to her right. She was a friend of Taylor, Eleanor's roommate, whose name was unknown but she was beautiful. She'd immediately caught Eleanor's eye but she hadn't been brave enough to strike up a conversation.

"Well, sort of."

"Do you write?"

"Yes."

"Then you're a writer." The stranger smiled kindly. "Happy birthday by the way, I hope it's okay that Taylor invited us."

Eleanor shrugged. "The more people who come, the more people who can keep her entertained. Thank you."

They shared a laugh and a comfortable silence fell over the pair as Eleanor observed the stranger from the corner of her eye.

"I just realized that I came to a birthday party and I don't even know the name of the person we're celebrating."

Eleanor smiled again. "Eleanor."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Lily." She held out her hand.

Forever awkward, Eleanor blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "What're you studying?" She shook the other woman's hand but took a moment to let go. When she realized that she'd held onto her hand for too long she blushed and quickly looked away.

"Astrophysics. It's incredibly nerdy, I know."

"No, that's actually extremely impressive. It makes my English degree sound like child's play. How do you not pull your hair out from the stress? I can't imagine."

Lily laughed again. "I do pull my hair out, I've just gotten really good at hiding it. Don't downsize your own accomplishments though, I can hardly string together two sentences for my essays without wanting to give up, I would never be able to write an entire book. What's the name of your book?"

"You know I've published one?"

"Taylor told us everything except your name, the most important detail."

"That sounds like her. It's called 'A Season of Secrets', it started as a concept back in high school and slowly developed into a book." Eleanor refrained herself from going into too much detail, she didn't want to bore someone she'd just met.

"I'll give it a read and will report back to you with a detailed review of what I thought about it. Maybe over dinner."

The offer went right over Eleanor's head but she smiled and nodded all the same. "Okay, yeah. But remember that it's my first publication so please go easy on me." She clasped her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking with excitement over the fact that someone seemed interested in her work. "Tell me about astrophysics."

"You know, I'd rather not bore you to death. How about I tell you about literally anything else?"

"Sure."

"Okay... My name is Lily Murphy, isn't that an awful name? Anyway, Lily Murphy, born and raised in Detroit. I actually used to be super bad at anything that involved school but then in middle school we went on a field trip to the planetarium and I knew that I wanted to know more about space. Unfortunately, that meant that I had to actually get my head out of my ass and put some work toward my education, but I did it and now I'm the first in my family to attend college. I have a cat named Mister Jingles who lives with my family back home, I'm a huge fan of horror movies, and I'm terrified of the ocean." Lily nodded as she finished. "How was that?"

"Too short, I want to hear more." Without realizing it Eleanor had rested her chin in the palm of her hand and leaned closer to Lily in an attempt to hear every word she uttered.

"It's your turn to tell me something about you. I'm interested in how a college student was able to get a book published while studying without driving herself crazy."

Eleanor shook her head. "My life is boring, you'd think astrophysics was more exciting." She joked.

"Got a pen?" Lily reached over and grabbed a napkin from the bar and waited for Eleanor to dig a pen from her purse. "I have to read your book, remember? How about you take me up on my offer for dinner and I'll talk with you about the book and more about myself?"

"Does that mean I'll have to talk about me?" Eleanor watched as Lily wrote down her name and number.

"Absolutely." Lily handed the pen and napkin to Eleanor. "Maybe you can start with why you didn't want to celebrate your birthday."

It was strange to Eleanor that someone would actually be interested in her backstory, she had come to peace with the fact that most people ignored her. She didn't know if she liked being placed in the spotlight.

"I don't think you'll find anything I have to say very interesting."

"And I want to prove you wrong." Lily shrugged. "Now, in this situation I may be wrong, but from what Taylor's told me I think that you and I could become really good friends."

Eleanor could always use more friends, especially ones that obviously didn't seem to mind her rattling on about her projects.

"Yeah." She nodded in agreement. "I think we'll be great friends."

[sea-dukes-assistant]

ATTN: The boomers that follow me for some reason

The abuse I'd been getting since this started dropped off roughly 2016, when I told Rachel if she wanted to have a say in what I post, she can pay me. It picked back up roughly the same time Harry was outed as being with his current wife, at the time of the Karen Occupation, and been on the upswing ever since.

For the longest time, I never understood why I received so much negative attention from your particular niche in this fandom. I never spoke to you, minded your business, nor knew you existed, yet you felt the need to mind mine, scold me, yell at me, and speak to me as though I do not deserve respect and decency, perhaps going so far as to hoping one day I'd just eat a bullet.

The theory, which is disturbing at best, for why you project your insecurities onto me (and only me) is that you can't fathom mine and younger generations being so "ourselves" because that was not a thing when you grew up. I'm sorry that was the way it was, but that is not how it is now. Times change, often for the better, even from when I was growing up in the '90s. I'm thankful for this. You lot, however, seem to have taken the fantasy/ideology of "what a man should be" and decided you are disgusted/upset that I do not fall into that mold. So you come into my house and shit all over the place like you ain't got no home training, sending me homophobic messages, personally insulting me and my intelligence, telling me I need to "get my head checked (I've had 2 neuro-pysch exams I promise you my brain functions just fine)," and going out of your way to make me hate myself. Why? So you can fix me and make me the "alpha male" of your fantasies. It's like some form of conversion therapy. This is why you're so obsessed with me. I'm not bitter that nobody else is being hated on; I'M BITTER THAT I WAS/AM SINGLED OUT.

Quite frankly, that's fucking disturbing. I'm 36. I'm a regular guy, enlisted, trying to make it through the next 10 of my career without further damaging my already broken body. I'm nobody. But y'all out here harassing me for *checks notes* living my life and being happy. Not even a single shred of empathy. Just fuckin' "SEND IT" with the constant degradation and berating and lecturing. Fuck sake I serve this country with pride, nearly had the national ensign over my casket and folded and handed to my mother before I hit 30, and this is how y'all gonna act towards me, after walking around with your metaphorical dick out, posting boomer ass Facebook graphics yelling "REPOST THE FLAG OR YOUR A COMMIE?" THAT is some fucking disrespect, not a royal in an honorary position of rank wearing a service's uniform. It's fucking disgusting...oh I'm a "brave PATRIOT" until you find out I wanna fuck some hot British guy's brains out. Then I need to shut up and "eat shit and die."

I'm not a project. I'm not responsible for your issues. I'm under no obligation to be nice to you. Your baggage is not mine to carry. You are responsible for your own behavior. I do have intellectual superiority; this is not me swinging my dick, it is fact. My ASVAB score qualified me for everything except the nuclear field. I learned college-level electronics theory in 9 months. I've had a combined 10 months of specialized training on specific systems, the most recent being the AN/GSC-52B MET. This last advancement cycle I scored in the 93rd percentile overall IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN NAVY. My job is entirely critical-thinking, problem solving, and written/verbal communication. PEOPLE COULD DIE IF THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS CAN'T SEE THE PLANES. I have to explain to idiots officers with degrees why I can't connect a system carrying classified data to their unclassified computer to they "don't have to get up" to look at the console. Between you there's...what, 10 brain cells? You think tabloids are classic literature. IT IS A FUCKING FACT, BRENDA.

Oh and the "I hate that you were treated like that/you didn't deserve that BUT" can be shoved up your ass, as well. If that were the case, you wouldn't continue your anonymous! tirade about how I'm a fuck up, need to be nicer, how I'm treated is entirely my fault, and using Prince Philip, who is very much dead despite my wishes, as a way to emotionally manipulate me (an entirely different level of Fucking Disgusting).

The entire fucking audacity. Take your own advice and look in the mirror. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking stressed. YOU are the reason I fucking hate it here and want to leave. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking "rude" and on defense all the time. DEALING WITH YOU IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING.

[eddywoww]

Hey so I just wanna let you know that I read your Dom Eddie series in the fall and it inspired me to go to a munch; which subsequently led to getting involved in my local kink scene, making amazing new friends and community, leaving a long-term unhappy relationship, coming out as a new kind of queer, changing my name from something I've always hated, pivoting my career focusing more on the queer community in my field, achieving my fitness goals for the first time, leaning into the style Ive always wanted... I could go on!

So yea. Biggest and happiest redirection of my life and I can trace it all back to that cute little story.

Keep it up killer, we appreciate you and all the deliciously weird shit you're always cooking up for us.

🦇👻🦇

This is so sweet 🥺 I’m really happy for you!! Seriously, that’s so amazing and I’m proud of you for making changes in your life and being so brave!

Thank you for reading my stuff, like always. I mean, that’s such a nice thing to say to me like I can’t really process it. You sound like a total sweetheart 💕🌸 I hope everything keeps going wonderfully for you ☺️

[flovverworks]

' i had ... a friend. but it's more like --- he was a part of me. i mean, we had our arguments sometimes, but whenever i needed someone, he would always be there for me. he's helped me more times, in more ways than i can even count. i don't know if i've ever properly been able to return the favor, but that's why i'm so grateful, you know? ... even if i can't hear his voice anymore, i want to believe that he's still right here. ' a hand motions and sets over the boy's own heart. even in this moment, a stinging ache mingling with a balmy warmth in his chest, he can still readily bring himself to smile, eyes filled with the light of past nostalgia and a present, enduring admiration. ' ... i want to be able to be there for him too, like this. whenever i think about it that way, it's like he's never really left. i'm glad. '

They can't look away. Something so deeply personal and heartfelt, entwining into something beautiful. To speak of your own feelings so kindly, to feel them so bravely; neither was easy in a city that rushed you by. How many days hadn't Akira felt left behind? The heavy weight of loss clinging to their shoulders while time stayed unforgiving. (But that was also the beauty of it. Flowers still bloomed nonetheless.) Loneliness and love overflowing every fiber of their being, staying within their heart wasn't enough, and yet that was all Akira had. What they had.

And eventually, this feeling too would pass. Engraved within the world and carefully stacked notebooks. I don't want to forget this, even though it hurt, even though they cried, even though they didn't know what the echoes of his laughter sounded like. Are you doing well? Did you eat yet? I'm praying for you. I hope you're happy. I want to believe that he's still right here. They thought so too. Someone you speak about so fondly changed you heart, carefully building the blocks of trust into a home. Being apart couldn't change that.

It was a lovely way of expressing it, and from the depths of their heart they hoped his friend would feel his sincerity. Although, as long as it was Daisuke, they were sure that gratitude had already been delivered. Reaching out to people with unconditional kindness was difficult. …Did Daisuke realize that? A memory of a flower field and bunnies, I really, really wanted to see him smile again. That sort of determination shouldn't be taken for granted. How come you don't see it yourself?

…Maybe that was simply the kind of people they were.

The silence encapsulated by the sound of busy streets is broken by their laughter. Short, gentle, airy, and close to tears, the love aching in their soul having no place else to go. They look to the sky, in some places of the world the moon is shining, and sigh. People you can't meet and people you wish to thank and people you will slowly forget. Relying on others, arguing with others, and bonds intertwined through fate and circumstance, no matter what they would surely meet someone dear and lose someone beloved again.

"...Can you tell me about him? Even if I can't meet him, I'd love to hear the story of you two."

It might not be a happy ending, and it might not be told in full, but there's something left behind that people don't know, whether it's a castle on the moon or a leviathan in the sea. A story of them.

[guildtree]

Hi! This is going to be a big ventpost/diary entry/bid for understanding/I don't even know. It's me needing to get thoughts out of my head and into words basically. If you're not in the mood for that and just want more Guild Wars memes, fair enough, keep scrolling, I hope you have a lovely day.

For the rest of you brave souls:

One thing nobody told me about depression, or even recovering from a depressive episode, is that it totally fucks with your emotional regulation. For me at least, being depressed was not sadness per se but numbness. I think it's formally called anhedonia, I call it robot mode, but there's a point where the stress and pain gets too much and my brain simply says, "Enough," and hits the off-switch on all my emotions. I can't feel sadness, I can't feel anger, I can't feel joy. There was a period of a few years where my emotional range went from 'mildly pleased' to 'exhausted.' I've had friends and family tell me they could see a marked difference in how I acted during my lowest point, from having flat facial expressions to losing my sense of humor to being tired all the time. Robot mode is a serious shift in brain function.

Of course, now that I'm recovering from this I can feel the full range of emotion. Which is great! And... also not so great. Because the full range of emotion includes happiness, but it also includes anger and fear and jealousy and true crying sadness, all of which I seem to have forgotten how to handle. (Or maybe I never learned, since I was at least mildly depressed during what a psychologist might call a 'critical phase of development'.) A relative says something rude while I'm stressed and suddenly I want to punch them where before it would have slid off my back. I startle easily when a big truck zooms by, where before I would walk across a busy street without looking first because I simply didn't care. Sometimes it feels like I'm flipping through a photo album of different emotions, slowly remembering how to process one only for another to fly right out of left field.

Right now it's loneliness. There have been a lot of changes for me in the past two years, some because of outside circumstances and others because of choices I made to help myself feel better. I know I made the right decisions, but even good change leads to losing things, and I've lost contact with a lot of my friends at this point. I'm going to have to rebuild my social network all over again, which is a scary and painful and lonely process, and ironically I actually feel more sad from that because I'm not depressed. Sometimes having emotions feels more like a curse.

I think I have to remember the good parts of it too. Yes, I can feel happiness again, and a sunrise brings me peace instead of dread now, but also even the "negative" emotions have their place. Anger is what kept me alive. I'll often say that I'm still around mostly out of sheer spite, and it's true: a real breakthrough for me was realizing, "Hey, it's not my fault I'm hurting, it's the fault of an illness and the rest of the world being shitty", getting mad about it, and deciding to fight back. Fear keeps me from doing stupid things and in a sense leads to pride - because to be proud of yourself for stepping outside your comfort zone, you have to have an 'outside the comfort zone' to begin with. I'm starting to think the point of loneliness may be to push me to seek connection with others - the feeling that I need other people, that I hurt without them, has led me to be more vulnerable with others than I normally would, something that has generally turned out better than I expected.

I feel things now. I feel a lot of things now. It's scary and it's beautiful and it's overwhelming and I love it and I hate it and I'm so so glad I can. The world deserves more than robot-me. I deserve to be more than robot-me. Maybe someday I'll figure out happiness, but for now I'll take embracing the chaos as a substitute.