#If Looks Could Ki11

[llsadgirl]

Am I the only one that feels like this? I don’t even know how to describe this feeling except 24\7 worrying. I’m worried about one thing and then my mind wanders and it worries about something else. Not just anxiety. And I can’t stop it. Thinking positive is literally the hardest thing in the world, sucide is the only thing on my mind, everything I look at I think how it could ki11 me. Along with the constant need to cry and horrible pit in my stomach. I can barely think about the next day without hoping I’ll be de@d. It lasts a few days, maybe a week. Medicine doesn’t help it, my anxiety pills sometimes. And I worry and cry so much I make myself sick, so I can’t even keep the pills down. It’s horrible. I tried to take a bath the other day and all I could think about was drowning. Please tell me other people feel like this once and awhile. This is the second time I’ve felt like this and I want it to stop. I don’t want to die but that’s all I can think about. I know I can’t be the only one, but I feel so alone.

[therootsystem]

A reminder to abled people and singlets

(Tw for suicide references and talk about ableism)

I’ve heard all to many stories of visibly disabled people having random strangers say something along the lines of “you’re so brave, I couldn’t live like that” but as all my disabilities are invisible the closest I’ve experienced to this was seeing people talk about how they wish they could cure their kids of autism and stuff like that.

untill today, when looking on youtube I saw a youtube comment that said “That would be absolute hell. Imagine you have full thoughts and sense of self but you can't talk or communicate except by thoughts to another person. To be fully aware and there is nothing you can do” and a bunch of replies along the line of “I would be thought-screaming to the other head that controls the body to jump off a bridge or building… basically just be a screaming voice in his head begging/convincing him to ki11 ourselves the fastest way possible.” (that’s a derect quote, and only part of it) someone even mentioned “split personality”

so let’s talk about why this is harmful shall we?

For one thing, don’t say you would kill yourself, in any situation, if you’re not suicidal. I don’t know why I need to explain this but I do. saying things like that can be very triggering to people who have experienced suicidal ideation or who have lost someone to suicide

second, saying stuff like this implies someone isn’t “normal” and that that makes them broken or lesser. This hurts, a lot. Like, I don’t know how to explain it in any other words

here is a video by owkwyrm that’s kinda related

any disabled people or systems who have things to add please tell me, I know I didn’t do a great job explaining it

and to any singlets who see this, consider rebloging and using your privilege to amplify our voices

-🌱

[gabrielokun]

[llsadgirl]

There once was a girl who was so happy with her life, she had plans for the future, written and unwritten plans. She would live in an apartment with a parking garage because she was obsessed with parking garages. She would have a car with a great sound system and Bluetooth, maybe a Tesla. Her dream car was a Lamborghini, maybe a white or pink one. She would have two puppy golden retrievers and 1 kitten, maybe only kittens. She would have plants and a patio. She would work as a veterinarian, spoil her siblings. She would be happy.

There once was a girl who felt beautiful and wasn’t ashamed of her body or eating habits. Who didn’t care what other people thought of her.

The girl got older and sadder. Her father, let’s call him Charles. She used to think Charles loved and cared about her, but as time went by she felt that less and less. After her brother was born she overheard her mom telling her grandma that Charles wanted another kid. And now that she thinks back to that statement, she wishes it would be brought up again so she could tell her mom:

He had a child. He had a daughter. He hurt her. He failed her. He made her feel like shit. She never felt loved by him. There was only one time that she can remember ever feeling loved by him. She stayed at his place for the night and as they slept he held her. She felt safe and happy and loved. She can’t remember ever feeling that way again.

He had a child. He had a daughter. Not only did he fail her, her mom, her grandparents, her uncle all failed her. She thought they would understand, that they would be there for her as she was going through a hard time with his presence. But no, sometimes they acted like they did but then they’d turn around and say stuff like “you should forgive him, not for him but for you” “you should give him a second chance” “stop being selfish”. Her mom acted like it was a game. She was made to feel like she was overreacting, it was never said aloud that she was, but she felt like that’s what everyone thought. So now anytime she’s sad, upset, depressed about something and wants to burst out crying, she feels like she’s overreacting.

He had a child. He had a daughter. He made his only child, his only daughter, cvt herself for the first time. Made her want o ki11 herself. Made her hate him. A father isn’t supposed to make you feel that way. A father isn’t supposed to shoo you away when you need your mother to hold you after a bad dream at night. Your father isn’t supposed to tell his 3 year old daughter that her mother is a slut.

She wishes he would have left and never came back. Maybe then she would be happier. Maybe even though this happened years ago, maybe she wouldn’t feel the way she does now. If he was just going to hurt her then why come back into her life?

Now there’s a girl who dreams of death everyday. A girl that wants to starve herself until she’s skinny. A girl that hates her life, her body, her voice. Why does everyone else get to look so pretty but she doesn’t? When she got her graduation pictures -which she absolutely hates- the photographer was skinny snd beautiful. The photographer had acne but somehow it didn’t look horrible on her.