#If I ever think or feel more I'll probably add onto this list !!

[b3ndy]

How I feel about batim characters - A big, long post

Welcome !! This is just a huge rant about how I feel about certain characters from my source, being Bendy himself.

DISCLAIMERS- If the character isn't here I either forgot or have no opinion. I'm a psychological fictionkin with no memories but I do get general feelings, such as how I view them or feelings of "I feel like you did or are this". For the "other" section - All "hate" is a very kin exclussive feeling and I as a person don't really feel hateful towards them. It's more goofy and lighthearted if anything. If you are a sourcemate, hello !! These are all feelings towards the official and canon (or book) versions of these characters characters and not attacks against you or any fictionfolk you may know. Thank you for reading !!

Toons

Boris - One of my best friends !! He makes me feel happy whenever I see or think about him. By golly would I hug and pet this wolf so much, we'd do a lot together and go on adventures so often.

Alice - My other best friend !! She also makes me feel happy. She's definitely the smarts of the trio, less hugging and more shaking me by the shoulders when I goof up (it wouldn't hurt and it's out of platonic love). Think of how she is in the comics with me !!

The Butcher gang - They see me as enemies but I don't really !! I don't feel much towards them. I'd just love being so nice and kind to them despite how much Barely and Charley want me pummeled pffh.

Other toon/comic folk - Not much feelings towards most. It would be nice to share a pie with Ruby Goldberg though, and maybe mess and steal from the rich Boswell Lotsabucks a bit !! I don't remember most the guys honestly but those two are fun to interact with.

People

Joey Drew - My father,,, seeing and thinking of him makes me feel comfortable and safe. I'm aware of how he treats me in canon but it's hard to feel negatively about him, I tend to sympathise and empathise with him a lot. I usually imagine his memory-self as that's the man I feel I knew, and I know this version of him is truly benign. Felt really heavy when I first saw his grave in game,,,

Henry Stein - My other fatherr,,, created my toon form. I feel less strongly with him but he still does feel comfortable and I feel we'd get along really well,,, I do imagine his cycle clone usually but both him and his original self are equal to me, even if seperate people.

Sammy Lawrence - Honestly ? I think I've come to realise he's a bit of a "blorbo" to me. I feel like,,, almost giddy about this guy in that sense pffh. I want to treat him like a cat toy (bite, scratch, gnaw and sleep curled up with him) but I also wanna pet him on the head and be like hheheh you're silly,,, silly man,,, and he'd probably like both. Even before his ink-mania I still feel similarly

Wilson Arch - Cruel terrible abusive dictator. I may not feel that strongly about him but what I do feel is like. Not good generally. I often find humour in making fun of him in so many ways and I feel like it would be On Sight if I ever saw him for what he did.

Nathan Arch - He feels like a goofy nice uncle. Thinking and seeing him makes me feel like a kid being handed a dollar from his grandpa pffh. I kinda see it as like. He adopted me after Joey's passing and provides for me instead now. The red bowtie he gave me signifies that change but I still usually wear the other,,, in rememberance and connection to what came before archgate. I imagine I'd wear the red one only in archgate produced shorts.

Not quite people

Keepers - Abusive, terrible excuses for scientists. As soon as I first heard them in that elevator I knew they were dangerous and felt fear. I may not literally be the BATDR design and his toon but I do connect to the traumas described in their logs. I often get like. Feelings of them. I fear them in the dark, clothes register as potential keepers and I've had odder experiences such as feeling like they followed me home when no one did and even. A shower head registering as one ?? Incredibly odd creatures. I don't always feel strongly but when I do it is Not fun.

The Projectionist - We are cats and he is not welcome in my territory. Very much a guy I scrapfight with. I love him and his design but like,,, man,,, Fade to Black and the scene in BATIM where I suckerpunch his head. This is more of a lighthearted feeling of "I wanna tear him to shreds" if that makes sense, similar to Sammy but less domestic and more absolutely feral pfffhhh.

The BATDR ink demon and his toon form - They're a part of me, but they aren't me and I ain't them. Used to be triggered by them but less so now. I can't imagine myself interacting with them else my brain struggles to comprehend the fact I was technically replaced, plus the fact they're connected to me. Occasionally do get various types of cameos of the two though !!

Other non-batim characters ?!?? (All but cuphead feel like coworkers almost)

Mickey Mouse - Don't know why but I hate his guts. Maybe it's because everyone boils down my existence to "evil disney" ?? Be it saying it out right, comparisons or giving me his voice ??? But either way I don like the guy,,, side-eyein him.

Cuphead - He threw a ROCK at my HEAD and I ain't forgiving him for that. Next question

Others (Such as betty boop, oswald, felix the cat) - I like these guys. I feel like I'd be aquainted to them more than anything.

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A witchcraft basics doc; update, resource call, interest check, and a possible second doc

Bet most of you didn't even know I was working on this >:D

Yes this is a huge post. It's a lot of things.

So, one of my first posts ever on this blog was me mentioning that a friend of mine had NO clue what they were signing up for when asking for the basics of witchcraft. The google doc I wrote took on a life of its own, and the post did as well when people started asking for it. I still plan to tag said people when I post it, assuming they haven't deactivated. The thing is, this doc had become a proper project, and it took a long time for me to have the motivation to work on it again. Now, though, it seems to me like a damn good way to reconnect to my craft after a rut! (which, by the way, is why I've been offline.)

So, my first post back is for a couple of reasons. For one, if you have any resources you'd think would be useful for beginner witches, feel free to shoot me an ask, DM, or comment/reblog on this post! I'll have a list of things I'm putting in the doc (taking recommendations there as well) at the bottom of this post.

The other thing is that I might end up making a second doc, one that's a little less "101" in vibe. It would have a MAJOR MAJOR UPG warning on it, first off, and I'm not sure whether or not I would be marking any UPG either since this would essentially be a second Grimoire/Book of Shadows for me that would be public to others for the sake of sharing information! I can't say I'd call it "advanced witchcraft" by any means, I'm not very fancy lol, but I don't want the basics doc to get too overwhelming. I do, however, want to scream about random witchcraft topics that interest me. So this is also a bit of an interest check for that, as well as the basics doc.

FINAL NOTE: I fully plan on posting this basics doc before it's done. Some sections will be unwritten or unfinished, because if I wait until I find it "finished" I'll never post it. It's going to be added onto whenever I can, but I feel as though getting it out is the best course of action.

A list of stuff in the doc that I'd take resources on (AKA everything planned in it) with * by anything that will be left unwritten/unfinished on purpose until I know more. I will take resources and recommendations on EVERYTHING though. This is in no particular order:

grounding and centering

VOCAB (intention, intuition, UPG/SPG/VPG, appropriation. probably others I'm forgetting.

candle, plant, crystals and safety* (as well as any other tools one might need safety tips for. This is left completely unwritten as I use very few tools of this type.)

deity work* (the whole debate surrounding when to start, as well as information about it. Will include smth about house rules/boundaries. My work is very casual, I'd love to see different POV's of this! This is by nature left unfinished because deity work is so unique to the witch.)

grimoire/book of shadows

tools of the craft* (common tools and how to use them consumerism in witchcraft, etc.)

cleansing

appropriation* (I don't know near enough about this, I just check what's in my own practice. I would like this to include a list of commonly appropriated closed practices, a definition of appropriation and why it shouldn't be done, open pantheons, and common open practices.)

spellwork*

meditation

where someone could go from here* (including sigils, tarot, crystals bc my friend likes rocks lol, maybe astrology but oh god I have nothing about that it makes my brain hurt just looking at an astrology chart /pos. I will probably make a list of stuff that I could add in this section.)

casual/daily/quick/low energy practices and witchcraft

paganism and witchcraft; overlap, what they are individually, why one might be for you rather than the other, etc.*

there'd be a credit section for anyone who wants to be credited for links/resources at the end! If you send me resources plz specify if you want to be included in that or not.

Things I might include in the second doc if I make it:

the craft and mental health and my experiences with it

things commonly touched on in the community (your deities don't hate you, cycles of inactivity and burnout, other things I'm forgetting rn)

deity-specific things, more specific topics of the craft, etc. yet another reminder that this would all include UPG, possibly unmarked, because it would basically be primarily used to give me motivation to research more.

[icallhimjoey]

What would you think would be Joe's reaction when you guys are having an argument and you, right off the bat, list all of your insecurities and say its the perfect excuse for him to break it off with you (I mean if-- dare to dream-- I was in a relationship with him, I would spend every waking day thinking there's someone way better for him)

ew gross, so yes, absolutely, i had to write this (also ive been getting accusations of my readers being too confident, so, i tried my best to make us a little more insecure for this one) (hope you enjoy!) Wordcount: 2.3K

---

What's Best For Me

You noticed immediately that his hands had stopped reaching out. No more touches. That's how you knew it was actually serious.

Joe knew exactly how to hurt you the most, and it wasn't by being quiet, by ignoring your words, by refusing to talk... It wasn't the lack of kisses when he'd walk in, or the fact that he had just gone for a shower and locked the actual door (when was the last time you'd locked any doors in this house? Had you ever?).

It was the hand that didn't reach out. The fingers that didn't play.

His fingertips that didn't caress the sliver of skin that your top would expose when you'd reach for something up high in the kitchen.

His hand that didn't curl around your neck, just to hold onto it whilst you watched TV on the sofa together.

Even the open palm that didn't find your arm or your shoulder when you made a comment that would make him laugh.

Joe skillfully moved around you in the bathroom that morning, without a touch. Not even a bump of a hip or a rub of a shoulder. Nothing.

Joe kept his hands to himself, and he had done since he'd gotten home the day before. It pulled and stretched something inside you that wasn't meant to stretch. You could feel it pull tight when he'd walk in, and snap back harshly when he'd walk out. It almost made you hold your breath in his presence, sighing deeply with frustration when you'd be left alone again.

And logically, you understood.

There was a lot going on.

Professionally and privately, there were many balls up in the air and Joe had only just learnt how to juggle and it was all tense. Scary and new. And then, just to add onto everything, Joe'd been advised to really actually stop smoking for real this time because people were asking what brand of cigarettes he smoked, and fucking hell, if there was one thing Joe didn't want to be, it was a bad influence.

"Joe?"

"What?"

You wondered if him being annoyed and irritated could actually mean something sweet.

Like, maybe it was safe enough to be short and snappy with you because Joe knew you'd still be there for him after.

Or maybe it was the fact that you hadn't really asked Joe much about his feelings. His thoughts. The second he grew a little more distant and buried himself in his mind, you'd... kind of done the same. And you reasoned that Joe would come to you once he was ready. But, what if he wouldn't?

"Does this need washing?"

You held up one of Joe's shirts that had been discarded on the one chair in your bedroom.

"No, I..." Joe sighed, closed his eyes in sheer frustration. At least, that's how you read it. "That doesn't fit me anymore,"

You looked at the shirt. It didn't look like Joe didn't fit it anymore, but you weren't going to test him on his word.

"Do you want to get rid of it?"

"No, just - just leave it, I'll get to it later,"

"Joe, I'm trying to make the bedroom look less untidy,"

Maybe that had been the problem. You weren't insanely organised and would let mess build until you'd have a moment of clarity and would want to deep clean the entire place within 4 minutes. Maybe that was what had gotten under Joe's skin, and why he hadn't leant over you to press a kiss onto your forehead yesterday, when you'd been napping on the sofa when he'd walked in.

Joe probably thought you'd been lazy and had left the place too messy.

"One shirt won't make a difference, just leave it on the chair. I need to go through my wardrobe later and it'll just get worse then anyway,"

All right. Fine.

You placed the shirt back where you found it and thought to yourself, maybe that's it. I'm a pushover.

Joe really only had to grumpily say one thing for you to comply. So weak, it was kind of disgusting.

And you didn't really communicate much, ever, did you? Because you didn't know how to express clear thoughts and feelings, so you'd let Joe swim in the dark for ages which, God, must be really fucking annoying.

And you looked around and saw that Joe's shirt was really all that Joe contributed to the mess in your bedroom - the rest of it was all you. Old make-up wipes and cotton buds caked with mascara laid on the side, and there was clothing all over.

You were messy, and closed-off, and an easy pushover. Wow. What a deal Joe got, Jesus Christ.

Catching sight of yourself in the mirror only made things worse.

That was the person Joe was with?

Was he sure?

Of course he wasn't. Had you not been paying attention? You didn't blame him. Look at you.

Best to keep busy. Actually tidy the place. Give Joe one less reason to be mad. Or worse, disappointed.

You flung every piece of clothing from the floor onto the bed where you started sloppily folding and categorising - grouping what needed to be washed, and what you knew had gone straight from the wardrobe to the carpet when you hadn't been able to decide on what to wear earlier.

Fuck.

This was one of those moments where the fix was so easy, and so readily available as well. You just needed Joe to place a warm palm onto your shoulder, or his fingers to squeeze the back of your neck. It would ground you enough, give you something to focus on and calm you right back down. Words wouldn't even be needed at all.

But you weren't getting any of those touches, because Joe was keeping those touches to himself, and as a result, you found yourself holding back a monster sob in the back of your throat that was growing more desperate to escape by the second.

"Hey, I'm going to..." Joe walked in, but stopped.

And you froze, because you knew, one wrong move, and that sob would get out. But you also couldn't hold your breath forever, and Joe saw how tensed you were just from a glance at your back.

"Oh, Jesus, if the shirt is such a problem," Joe started, and it could have been half a joke, but you weren't sure, and it definitely didn't help.

You swallowed thickly with your back towards Joe still, and hoped Joe wouldn't mention any of the insecurities that were swirling around in your brain. Those didn't need to be set in stone right now.

"N-no, it's fine," oh man, you hated how that came out all shaky as you quickly reached for a pair of your joggers and a hoodie that you balled up into your arms. "Maybe, I think, I'll go and stay with my sister for a few ni-"

"Hey,"

A soft, warm palm curled fingers around one of your biceps from behind and god fucking damn it, it pulled a wrecked noise from you. Embarrassing.

"I don't– that was a joke," Joe tried, and you could hear a breathy laugh escape him as you quickly brushed away the evidence of tears as if Joe couldn't see you make the actual motions right in front of him before you turned around.

"I know," you smiled, tried to save yourself of whatever this situation was becoming, and tried to sound all chipper as you said, "She, my sister, she asked and, wanted the company, so–"

"No she didn't," Joe scanned your whole being and frowned. He knew you were lying. "What is happening right now?"

"Nothing, I'm just..." you were pathetic. Couldn't even make eye-contact with your boyfriend. "I'm sorry, I'll just, I will get all of my shit out of here and get out of your hair for a minute, I think," you stopped and breathed deeply. Joe tried to find your eyes but you kept them trained at your feet like lasers.

"I think that's what's best, f-for now,"

You tried to step around him, but Joe wouldn't let you and reached with two hands that grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Best?" he started. "Best for who?"

That was when you looked up, and were met with two eyes that looked... a little confused, almost patronisingly so, because you saw that little smile dance behind that exaggerated pout. Like Joe hadn't been avoidant and short-tempered with you.

Oh cool. So you were also delusional and would jump to conclusions. How fun for you.

"It's okay if you don't want me here for a little bit, I don't–"

"Who said... because of a shirt?"

"You locked the bathroom door," you pointed and it made Joe turn his head to where the bathroom door was before turning back to you. Worry etched his forehead deeper now.

"Babe, you're speaking to me in riddles,"

And so you decided that you'd just let him know that you knew.

You knew that he hadn't kissed you when he walked in the day before because obviously you'd let the place slowly turn into a pigsty. You were a lazy piece of shit, you were well aware, but you know, Joe could've just said.

And Joe'd been distant because you hadn't really been there for him, had you? Not emotionally, because, you were awkward and weren't good at communicating when it came to feelings, and Joe was very clearly all up in his feelings, all the negative kinds, and you weren't emotionally mature enough to level with him.

You understood he didn't like you for it. Obviously, you wouldn't like you for it either.

But then he showered with the door locked and he'd never done that before, and he hadn't touched you in over 30 hours - not that you'd been counting, but you had. You had totally been counting, you told him.

And it was different now, because of course you'd gone longer than thirty hours without touching before, but not like this. Not when you were around each other and you could see his hands from the corner of your eye as he fiddled with a loose string on his jeans.

And listen. You could easily go without his kisses for a bit. You didn't mind if you didn't have sex for a while. Hugs even, if Joe didn't want to hug you, that was okay. You would manage. But a simple hand that didn't reach to squeeze your thigh, and didn't cup your face...

"Wait,"

Joe tried to stop your rambling, but there were tears now and you kept trying to fold the pieces of clothing in your arms further in on themselves, and listen, Joe, if you wanted to break up, you'd get it.

"Wait, wait, wait, stop. Stop! Look at me,"

At last. Eye-contact. Joe placed his two large palms on the sides of your face, moving your hair backwards a bit as he did.

"What are you on about?"

You just looked at him, eyes all wet, nose all drippy, but so very pleased that you could feel the pressure of his fingertips on your skin.

"Best for me? You think you fucking off to spend some time away from me is what's best for me?"

You kind of did, but, Joe clearly disagreed and it carefully made you question your entire train of thought, even if only for just a second before Joe pulled you in and hugged you tightly. He pressed your face into his chest and held it there in the crook of his elbow.

"I'm sorry, you're right, I've been–"

Joe sighed deeply, and you heard it rumble in his chest. Joe squeezed your side in his hug and it made you twist his T-shirt into your fists as you hugged him back.

"Everything's just... it's all happening at once, and, I can't just go for a quick smoke, and it's all I keep thinking about, I know it's awful, but..." Joe exhaled through a laugh. "I've just been in my head too much, and now I don't fit that stupid fucking shirt anymore because I gained weight, and–"

You squeezed tighter, and loved how there was more to squeeze now, so you were quick to say, "Stop, I love it," all muffled into his T-shirt.

"I know you do, but my wardrobe's not fit for it, is it?"

You pulled back a little, and looked up at him.

"So, we'll go shopping," you offered as a solution.

Joe ducked down for a kiss, pecking you lightly a few times before you said, "Or, for a run," and it made Joe chuckle as he tried to get more kisses out of you before he tightened his arms and hugged again. He nudged and rubbed his head by the side of yours like a cat would and squeezed his fingers into wherever he was touching you.

You had to try your absolute best to keep yourself together. To not melt into a puddle and sink into the carpet. That would only create more mess you'd have to then clean.

"I'm sorry," you said first, but then Joe quickly followed, "No I'm sorry,"

For a minute, you just stood in your messy bedroom and hugged, focussed on each other, focussed on Joe's hands and when you sighed deeply without it hitching in your throat, Joe hummed contently.

"This is helping," he then said, and you let your hands slide down his back to squeeze is bum. "Oh, that helps more, do that again," And it had you giggling, before Joe mused, "What's best for me is you, you idiot."

And you thought that Joe was wrong, but, he was allowed to be wrong. Joe could be wrong forever if it meant that his hands would be on you and you'd get to feel his warmth.

What was best for you was him. Not the other way around. But who were you to tell Joe? He could believe whatever he wanted, and hey, maybe one day, you'd believe it too.

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @hauntingbastille @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-joey @alizztor @thelostmoonofpooosh @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @afashionablesufferer @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[cannibal-nightmares]

Some of my Stein Soul Eater playlists

I do a lot of driving for my day job. Before I was a driver, I used to work at a record store doing album reviews and critique, but even before then, music has always been at the center of my story ever since I was a wee child. To friends, I'm the designated car DJ, the guy with the playlist, the genre-bender. I've had all kinds of people ask me for music reccs, and, much to my surprise, Soul Eater-specific music reccs... This is all to say that every time I get into my car for work now and I reach to put on one of my playlists, I can't help but think "damn I need to make a public compilation or something." SO HUZZAH! Enjoy this mess of a collection. Everything here is a perpetual WIP and will be added onto until the end of time. (also feel free to send me music in my ask box, some of you have, I'm always clawing for new music, but I listen to a lot of music...)

So without further adieu, I'll start with my most-frequented playlist:

[Spotify] Somewhere more adjacent to a personal(!) fictionkin playlist, this is so far my longest and most-listened to [Soul Eater] mix. It mostly consists of metalcore and alt metal, with tonal themes of turmoil and chaos, but there are a couple curve-ball tracks to keep you on your toes (mostly of which came from recommendations of other people ^^;). I like to "smart shuffle" this list to find new alt bands. Word of warning that there's all kind of provocative unreality narratives throughout this playlist, that's just how it goes (my logic is a sort of comfort in discomfort). SHUFFLE IT!

Track highlight: "CANVAS" by AVRALIZE (rose, if you're reading this. hi. 📯)

[Spotify] WAAAHHHH While not one of my more-frequented listens, I've really enjoyed putting this one together over the past year. Songs of heartbreaking, "Will they? Won't they?" I've tried to remain true to alternative genres for the sake of consistent character tone, but there are streaks of teasing whimsy as per the dynamic of our calamity duo ^^

Track highlight: "The Void" by Spiritbox

[Spotify] One of my first Soul Eater playlists, I was really dissatisfied with other public Spirit-oriented playlists I had found. Semi-inspired by fan-made playlists for Tamaki Suoh of "Ouran High School Host Club," I love putting this one on if I'm feeling prideful and femme, hahaha. I revel in the occasional dirtiness sprinkled throughout this one and I plan to add more eventually, heh.

Track highlight: "Love Taste" by Moe Shop (ZOEY U KNO I HAD TO)

[Spotify] Alright, I'll admit this one is currently an ambitious mess. I've kind of just been passively adding onto this as I find music I think Stein might be interested in. I'm swayed to think he is a lyric-oriented person until a genre bends into avant garde (as I currently quite literally have it opening with a new-era Of Montreal song, WOOF). Every time I think about this playlist or move to listen to Tool or Radiohead I am reminded I really need to clean this one up. I'm an avid believer Stein would like Tool, lol. This one nears close to a similar-enough idea to a following playlist, "Franken's Static Calm." Ideally, this list will become very long in the future as it's supposed to be a pretend library of albums and artists, not necessarily individual tracks.

Track highlight: "Cardium" by Trigg & Gusset

[Spotify] Although very obviously a WIP at the moment, I'm including this playlist because I could have sworn I've extensively worked on it already (knowing me, I've probably made a Soul Eater playlist under a non-specific title, I have a terrible habit of doing that). This one is particularly in no specific order right now; I intend to include a lot more music parallel to the canon score including that of acid jazz, as cleverly and observantly curated in "soul eater vibes" by sacccstry. (WHICH IS A FANTASTIC PLAYLIST I highly recommend; I put it on in the car when I'm driving friends around for the viiibes) Currently, this playlist is majority made up of electronic call-to-arms. :)

Track highlight: "Killing Giants" by Puppet

[Spotify] OKAY WAIT HEAR ME OUT HOLD ON WAIT NO-- Essentially Soul's iPod, this is (and will continue to be) a disaster mess. I just think Soul likes it all. I think he has his favourite genres in eastern music, underground surfpunk, and acid jazz, I think he picks up tidbits of different songs by different artists from friends, I think he's the guy who can name random tracks from Bollywood films out of nowhere (cough this might be me I'm describing). I find Soul to seek complexity in easy-listening, and vise versa. ...Also to say that every time I hear Nirvana these days, I'm thinking about Soul Eater Evans ^^;; This playlist is a fustercluck right now, but I think a keen ear for music and en eye for the character will understand where I'm going with this one.

Track highlight: "Trick of the Light" by CIVIC (which. woof. I've seen CIVIC, El Khat, and Stonefield all in concert and is where my Soul-specific inspiration and intention derives from)

[Spotify] I'll make an attempt at justifying this one: It's simply that I get really dissatisfied by the generalization that Stein is nothing more than an edgelord reduced to cartoony theatrics, ones that depict him as inherently self-loathing while simultaneously and paradoxically prideful. ...This being said, I am guilty of frothing over edgy angst themes often found in heavy alternative music. As I add onto this playlist, it is mostly of tone, generally catering to a sort of juvenile taste of edge, and I might even begin to include classic emo genres.(Don't get it misconstrued: I love it all. /gen) Think the grunge side of Warped Tour.

Track highlight: "Gauze" by Deftones

[Spotify] Currently closely adjacent and overlapping to the WIP that is "Franken's iPod," this is one I am trying to keep to it's more calming paces. Somewhere in between a rainy night and [eventually to include] ambiance, I started this one to have something to put on in the background. Eventually it will have more melodic noise and ambient soundscape like that of The Black Dog and Aphex Twin and Yellow Swans, but as for now it is a major WIP that I wouldn't mind folks taking a peek into. (...Also "Ultraviolet" by Spiritbox is in here because for some reason it provokes in my mind's eye that of younger Stein having a quiet moment of peace to himself. I don't know why.) In this vein of reason, I'd love to make a Stein-oriented harsh noise playlist sometime.

Track highlight: "Cup Noodle" by The Black Dog

[Spotify] A guilty-pleasure playlist, this is a short list of songs I've found either lyrically or tonally fit Stein, but, distinctly, not both. I can be particular like that.

Track highlight: "Wet Specimen" by SWEET SPINE

Although a long list, I still have so many other SE/FF playlists as their time comes. I constantly have my feelers out for new music and soundscapes, other work in progresses to include Stein/Justin, fanfic playlists (of my own and for others), and one specifically for Black Star which currently only has "When I Grow Up" by NF on it at the moment ^^;

ANYWAYS ENJOY ENJOY I can't continue sitting on these, GO FORTH AND EXPLORE!

a bonus secret-not-so-secret playlist, heh -> "you're one sadistic man"

[testedcatdraws]

The newest DRDT video did drop some info (spoilers for chapter 2 episode 12)

Obviously David's not the killer, his motive of lying was revealed to be that he wanted to end the killing game like Xander. Either Xander told him this or David assumed that's why Xander killed Teruko. I'm guessing it's both though, he took the info he had on Xander and concluded the reason Xander tried to kill Teruko was to end the killing game.

Also Arturo says he neglected everything not relating to his goal, maybe he also neglected his little sister? It said her death is his fault and that he left her, maybe he left her to pursue his career as a plastic surgeon. Rather or not he regrets this is another question, considering his reaction though I'm saying there's probably at least some remorse, if not remorse at least fear of what others will think. Probably a mix of both if he does feel remorse.

The alibies were switched around, due to the blackened killing in the morning instead of the night,

People who couldn't have kill Arei now are:

Hu, David, Veronica, J, and Nico.

I'll add Levi onto the didn't kill Arei list since him being the blackened is too obvious due to him being the killer, since he was revealed to be the one with the killer secret.

The Hu blackened theory's disproven, unless another plot twist happens I guess.

What I think the remaining secrets are:

The competition one belongs to Min

The blaming yourself for your family's death one is Xander

The self harm one is Veronika

The death game's your fault one is Teruko

And the Hopeless child one is Hu.

Reasonings:

Min one is because she did that Ultimate Student competition and such, I'm sure you've heard that reasoning before from someone else.

Xander is because the secret makes more since then what David said was his secret, not really much other then that.

Veronika is because she's easily bored and watches horror movies to have fun. The secret says that the person harmed themself for fun and took up their talent to distract them from this.

For Teruko it's because Xander killed her to stop the killing game some how, so the killing game seems connected to Teruko in a way. It makes since that she in some way caused the killing game, she probably didn't make it happen though. Who ever the mastermind is, they probably don't have this secret since that's too obvious.

For Hu it's just because it's the last secret, no other reason then that.

Who killer is, I think it's Arturo, for no other reason then I don't know who else it could've been. I guess it could be Rose, Whit's probably the mastermind so unless were going the THH route he ain't the blackened, Charles can't look at dead bodies. I don't see why Rose will kill anyone so we can knock her out, she has no motive that I can think of. I don't see Eden killing anyone, she seems too sweet and there's no evidence that she's secretly evil or anything. Arturo is constantly pushed back at in the trial though, and he seems the most willing to kill someone based on his reaction to Eden confronting him on his secret.

That's all I guess, feel free to agree or disagree

[meistwentyinchheels]

HIII!!! okok I wanna know what's May's dynamics like with the main cast?

And perhaps, a smidgen of lore, whatever you can share? :0

oh god i'm being enabled i'mgoi ing to eat ro cks

SO!

ok if i'm honest i really haven't thought that hard about the dynamics so i'm coming up with most of this on the spot ehmmm, but if i try to shortly sum them up it'd be something along the lines of,,,

may playing the straight man to cam's jokes and occasionally (albeit rarely!) going along with their jokes to create chaos. she also has a bit of a tendency to jokingly flirt with cam bc she thinks it's funny

while with deja i'd say their dynamic is more along the lines of may doing shit for the plot (and also suffering the consequences) as deja pretends like she doesn't know her,,,while still subtly helping her out

as for reynah,,,okay may doesn't know her very well, but they have a perfectly amicable relationship with each other (i'm sorry i literally have nothing to add i'm gonna cry)

but as we move onto THE BOYS!!! a.k.a pje

with elioooo uhhh may quickly realized that he gets flustered if she flirts with him so she does tend to pull that stunt occasionally (as a joke), but otherwise they're chill ANDDD as they're both dancers they bond over that (they sometimes also practice together for shits n giggles)

jamie and may have like this unspoken understanding of knowing what it feels like to have people disrespect their space, but will they ever address that? probably not, but they're chill with each other albeit not as close with each other as may is with the rest (oops)

then we have percy,,,OHHH BOY where do i even begin. i'm refraining from saying too much, but initially may was slightly annoyed by his flirting (which quickly turned into amusement). i love their dynamic so much bc they bounce off each other so well,,,and she miiiiiiight have caught a teensy bit of a crush on him after the spring semester (og plan was for the crush to begin after summer, but i thought it'd be funnier this way)

i'm so sorry this is already long asf, but as for the lore,,,wait i have a list somewhere of may fun facts. YUP FOUND IT. so y'all can have some lore tidbits

first off, may has a younger sister by 4 years.

has 9 piercings (4 on her left ear, 5 on her right) and one tattoo of a group of flowers on her left arm

lowkey rich (she got that generational wealth 😔)

a bit of a procrastinator now in college, but in high school she was a whole ass academic weapon

has had 2 relationships and 1 situationship (none of which ended well actually I MEANNNN WHO SAID THAT.)

speaks two languages, korean and english. she's also semi-fluent in japanese, but she's reluctant on actually trying to speak it

might have been borderline insane back in high school as she somehow always ended up in some kind of drama and/or trouble???

also tends to cheat at card games lmfao

okay i think i'll leave it at that bc this is really long and my fingers hurt from typing for so long

now i pass away /j

[loreleismusings99]

Two-Body Problem

Mark Watney x reader

Grad School AU, (academic) rivals to ??????

No use of y/n

[Masterlist]

Not Beta-read, we die like Spirit and Opportunity.

CW: networking, Inaccurate depictions of organic chemistry, probably riddled with typos, but that's all I can think of. Please please please let me know if I missed anything and I'll add it to the top of the list

The reader and Mark are both PhD candidates at Northwestern and both happen to be GTAs for an o-chem/bio-chemistry class. They schedule and meet up on neutral ground(a library) to get some grading done together and some unexpected feelings creep in.

AN: This is the first fanfic I've ever written; critique is always welcome and encouraged, but, uh, perhaps manage your expectations? Idk 😅 I'm not the best when it comes to creative writing, but there's a criminally low amount of fic for The Martian and even fewer fic centered around Mark imo. I might continue this into something more, if there's demand and if I've the energy and motivation 🤷🏾

Alright, I'll stop trying to lamp-shade; Enjoy, and thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this 💚💚💚

●���●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

Wanna meet up to put a dent in the pile of grading I know you also have? 

The two of you exchanged numbers at the beginning of fall quarter out of politeness, but it was still surprising to see the notification from Mark’s text. 

Leaning back in your chair, you considered your options, the soft sensor schematic in front of you now fully abandoned after an hour of rearranging thermocouples and resistors trying to alleviate a stubborn inductive noise problem.

Mark had been a thorn in your proverbial side since the day you met him; well, night, to be exact—your blood begins to boil at the memory. You were engaged in cordial and calculated banter with a researcher working in a lab you were gunning for before being interrupted by someone exclaiming “Dr. Hernandez!” to your left. You blinked and the fragile connection you just began to form had crumbled as the attention of the faculty member in question whirled to the side and greeted a stocky and stubbly man who Dr. Hernandez introduced to you as “Mark Watney, one of my PhD students!” This confused you since his name tag clearly said, Plant Bio and Conservation and this was a mixer in the electrical and computer engineering department; “I’m working with him and a faculty member in my own department on developing novel ways of monitoring soil properties in areas in Illinois hardest hit by industrial runoff” Mark says with a smile that oozes levels of confidence and hubris only considerable privilege can spawn. He gives you a quick glance before saying, “which actually reminds me-” and steering Dr. Hernandez away from you. Now, this certainly stung, but it wasn’t anything that you couldn’t get over. No, what made this a problem was Mark’s uncanny ability to draw the room’s attention to him and his work, making it a just a tad difficult to properly network without having to entertain talk and conversation surrounding the department’s charismatic new wunderkind apparent. This combined with quite publicly challenging a design of yours for a class you two shared had firmly placed Mark in your list of worst enemies. Which, admittedly, might be a bit dramatic, but after some quippy and well worded critiques and suggestions to optimize a C++ script he’d written for the same class it seemed you’d made your way onto his hit list too, if department gossip had any veracity to it—so at least the feeling was mutual.

Which brings you back to your confusion at this new development in your communication with him; Mark hadn’t exactly jumped for joy when, in some sick reversal of the infamous two-body problem, the two of you got hired as TAs for the same introductory o-chem class. You exchanged numbers, but neither reached out to the other to host joint office hours, or to work together to get through the ever-growing pile of completed homework assignments that you two need to finish grading—in fact, this is the first time either of you texted the other since the first text you sent confirming your number as yours. Staring at your phone’s screen you weighed the pros and cons of saying yes; on the one hand, it’ll help the two of you get ahead on the imposing pile of work that had accumulated just in the first 2 and a half weeks of the quarter. On the other hand, it meant that you’d have to breathe the same air as your infuriatingly handsome nemesis for longer than you were required to. Not that he was your type. Absolutely not. He just… had an objectively strong jawline…. Choosing not to think too hard about that and reasoning that getting grading done was more important than your pride, you typed out a curt sure. See you at Galter in an hour? And waited for his equally as curt sounds good before getting up to go change out of your comfy, at-home garb and head out the door with your half of the grading pile and your laptop tucked away into your backpack.

You’re chewing the last bite of a pop tart you got, realizing you unfortunately forgot to eat dinner before leaving, and scrolling through Instagram when Mark walks through the glass doors leading into the Galter Health Sciences Library. Under a mild windbreaker, he’s wearing what’s presumably a band t-shirt but with a worn-out and unrecognizable logo tucked into his cuffed light wash jeans. He"s carrying a clearly well-loved canvas satchel with a Cubs patch sewn onto the front. His hair was artfully tousled as he ran a hand through it while he looked for you in the spattering of students who occupied the library at minutes to 9 on a Friday evening. When his eyes finally land on you, he looks taken aback, the carefree look wiped off his face for a moment before he smirks at you through an obviously clenched jaw. “Glad you didn’t decide to stand me up. You reserve a conference room?” You returned his tension-filled smirk with a smile resembling a sneer and responded, “Of course. We’re on the second floor.” You stood up from your seat and started walking in the direction of the staircase, looking behind you to make sure he was following you only to find him in the middle of a light jog to position himself on your right side.

“So, how’s the dissertation writing going?” he asks over his shoulder. Scoffing, you respond with an incredulous “How’s yours?”, hoping he pics up on your clear annoyance at being asked that dreaded question yet again. Wincing at your retort of a question, he concedes with a “Fair enough” And the two of you are plunged back into the awkward silence that permeates the sparsely populated library.

after finally finding the room you reserved(the library is like a maze, capable of ensnaring even the most seasoned of academics), you shuffle into the study room together and set up your computers and piles of homework to be graded before settling into a serene flow with Mark working quietly beside you.

after about thirty minutes, you look over to Mark’s pile and notice that his “complete” pile is, unfortunately, larger than yours, which ignites a spark of competition in you. You start to try to work through your pile faster and Mark seems to pick up on your haste.“Worried about falling behind?” he scoffs with a shit-eating grin, clasping his hands together in front of his mouth. “Oh, not in the slightest; just trying to optimize my time, I've more work to get back to, you know.” you say, smirking back at him but with a glint in your eye, tacitly challenging him to try to get through his pile before you get through yours.

The two of you actually make some substantial progress in both of your piles before you encounter one of the more difficult homework assignments your students have been assigned. You’re stumped by the multi-part problem at the top of the page, trying unsuccessfully to follow the student’s work in front of you.

“... You on homework 15 yet?”

“Yep.” you nod.

“... You have any idea what Dr. C is asking them to do?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Alright, just checking.”

Mark sits back in his chair with a thud and runs a hand down his face. you stand from your seat and move to the small whiteboard on the wall opposite where you were sitting and start to list out the knowns and unknowns in the problem statement. You can feel Mark’s eyes on you the entire time, following along with your work and your movements as you draw out the reaction being described in the first part of the problem. You get stumped at the end of the problem, trying to piece together the end products of the reaction. You hear Mark shift behind you before turning around to see him walking toward the whiteboard to silently walk himself through your work, nodding at each step you took. He picks up a marker and starts adding onto where you were stumped and you watch intently, absorbing what he’s writing. As he finishes the problem, you get the chance to actually get a look at him while he’s working; he furrows his eyebrows and you notice a small crease he gets between his eyebrows as they cinch together, and the faint spattering of freckles across his nose becomes apparent with how close he is to you now. God, he is so close-"that should be it? I think?" He looks to you with an indiscernible look in his eye; first, a hint of shock as his eyes widen--looks like he noticed how close you are too-- then something else you can't quite identify. It takes more effort than your willing to admit, but you eventually tear your eyes away from his and look at his work on the board. It all makes sense, you also note how messily he draws his diagrams of the assortment of carboxyl groups created by the process at the center of the problem(and it also takes everything within you not to smile at that, thinking to yourself, when did this start feeling nice???). "It, uh, it looks all good to me. And the rest should follow from this too." you utter awkwardly and turn to face him again. "Yeah?" His state of mind is still elusive to you, and he responds with an almost dazed sounding "Yeah."

The moment doesn't last for long though, as a soft knock sounds at the door, startling you both out of your joint reverie. "Hey, you guys are the TAs for o-chem this quarter, right? Do you have time to talk about the homework due tomorrow?" The two of you exchange a glance and invite the exhausted looking undergrad into the alcove.

After helping your wayward student, the two of you start packing up your now completed piles of grading in silence, the awkward air from the beginning of the night settling back in now that the distraction from grading was gone. The two of you are about to part ways at the entrance of the library when Mark stops you with a "hey," and says,"uh, so, I know we have this…whatever this is? Between us" He gestures chaotically back and forth in the space between you, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "But this is the most work I've gotten done in one sitting in a while. Would you, uh, like to do this again? Maybe? But at more reasonable hour?" Mark takes a defensive steps back, and this throws you off for a multitude of reasons. One, Mark is acting nervous, which is something you've had the pleasure of witnessing mabe once in your time being around him. Two, he seems to be genuinely asking spend more time with you. And, to be honest, after the silence between the two of you was broken, that was also the most productive you've been in a while. And it probably wouldn't hurt to actually collaborate with him instead of trying to compete with him. Just as you began to fear you were taking too long to respond, Mark pulls his hands out of his pockets and puts them up in the universal "I'm harmless" pose, "you don't have to, I just thought I'd ask-" "sure." You cut him off before he can try to answer his question for you. He looks at you with what can only be described as gleeful shimmer in his eyes and smirked again; this time, though, it didn't have his usual venom behind it. "Yeah?" He asks hopefully. "Yeah." You smile in return, it reaching your eyes this time.

[its-all-papaya]

🫧 (sheets and towels lol)

I was wondering how you usually go about outlining? I’ve always been so terrible at it so if you had any advice or even just explaining the process a bit that would be lovely.

YAY ALL MY LOADS OF LAUNDRY ARE AT LEAST STARTED TYYYY

assign me a chore!!

i'm actually probably a bad person to ask about this because i'm usually kind of awful at "outlining" fics in any definite way. however.... i do kind of have a process, it's just not usually a formal outline.

my USUAL process is to kind of just dump every thought i have related to a fic in a bullet point list that gets added to and subtracted from as the fic develops. if i have pm's with a mutual that inspired a fic, i'll copy paste those into the list to start. if i have ideas for scenes, i'll add those to the list. if there are irl quotes or events that are relevant, those also go in the list. from there, i'll kind of rearrange things in the order that makes sense (either chronologically or by "type" of thing - i.e. for the hollow hereafter, i had a section of quotes with sub-bullets that were just transcripts from each segment of media, then i had a section of "vibes" that were like "lando just wants it all to end, can't imagine ever feeling right again after how dramatically everything inside of him has shifted", etc). once they're in an order that makes my brain feel good, i put them below a page break and start typing actual sentences at the top of the fic in a blank page. then as i'm typing a fic, if i have thoughts about things i want to do down the line NOT in the scene i'm currently typing, i'll add those to the list too as not to disrupt the actual "proper" text i'm building. once i use a thought off the list, it gets deleted so i can see what's left in the bank more clearly. basically everything that is ACTUAL COPY I INTEND ON PUBLISHING gets written from the top of the doc down, then every stray thought i want to preserve gets added onto the bottom of the doc until i use it. there are usually like sections and sub-bullets on that list to keep things semi-organized.

when i DO outline more formally, such as dad lando, it's honestly kind of stream of consciousness. i started with rough, one-line summaries of what i thought each chapter might be (i.e. one was "first meeting", two was "start texting" etc etc until we get to "epilogue"). then i filled in in sub-bullets what i wanted to include in each chapter. some, such as "oscar meets emma" are like SUPER SUPER vague rn. like three sentences. some, such as "lando goes golfing with max" had really clear inspo in my head and are like two pages of rambling. because i felt strongly about how i wanted it to go, i just started typing in half-coherent sentences (honestly how i answer asks here sometimes? this is a good example of the flow i'm talking about). however, half of that extremely rushed, just-trying-to-get-it-down-on-paper musing about this golf outing is probably word-for-word going to end up in the fic because i just let my brain work. and that's how it works a lot of the time for me. i start typing thinking it's just going to be the gist of plot points, and it ends up prose i really, really like because i'm letting my brain work freely.

my MAIN advice for outlining based on my own learning curve:

write down LITERALLY every thought you have related to a fic. whether it's half a sentence, a guiding vibe, a real event that inspires you in ways related to the fic... literally anything. you obviously don't have to use it all, but sometimes those stray thoughts help re-center me when i get kind of lost in the sauce of a fic. when i'm stuck, i just scroll the list and see if anything sticks out to me to use or draw from to get me out of the block.

don't FORCE yourself to outline every moment or plot point. like i said, some of my dad lando chapters are really thoroughly outlined, some are suuuper vague. i didn't force myself to try and plan out any of chapter three bc i wasn't feeling particularly strongly about how i wanted it to go, and it just worked itself out in time as i typed instead. i've outlined what i've figured out, and i'm going with the flow with the rest. the outline mainly motivates me and reminds me what i'm building towards, ultimately, instead of dictating every little thing i want to include. i'm never afraid to say "and then ????? but they end up kissing" and revisit once the vibes have built around a moment.

may seem obvious, but outlines are not final. i've pushed sooooo much shit i meant to include in chapters one and two of dad lando to chapter four bc it didn't hit right when i thought it would. my outline for thh was like six times as long as the actual fic bc i cut out so much stuff i thought i wanted to use. outlines are literally just to keep track of thoughts, imo, and like i said, to guide you. doesn't have to be fully formed to be useful.

hope that was helpful!!! a lot of this is very very similar to how i used to process my research papers in college, so i've had upwards of like eight years now to refine my process and find what works for my brain specifically. so i guess last tip is just try different things and use what works and throw out what doesn't in terms of methodology. everybody's different!

love u good luck writing feel free to ask more about any of this if you'd like 🫶

[ssmtskw]

Hello and welcome!

Replacing my pinned with a list of the stuff I've written for anyone checking my account out. Heh. Everything is sorted by fandom, and then word count! (And if there's something I should add to the tagging, please feel free to send me a message about it so I can make the edits.) Enjoy... hopefully!

RWRB

some part of me came alive - 10,979 words [college-ish AU, 5+1]

"Bye David." David's head snaps back to Alex's direction, eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly you'd think it wasn't even there. Alex, having just removed his glasses again as he yawns once more, doesn't see it. David takes a couple seconds before slightly shaking his head, like he's just imagining something and is now actively wiping the thought away. He opens the door before he responds. "Bye Alex."

(Or: The five times Alex unintentionally calls Henry by his dog’s name, and the one time he does it on purpose.)

Francesca - 10,189 words [graphic depictions and references of violence/abuse/injuries]

Once, in a much worse place before all of this; Alex had worked for someone with one side of his office overflowing with books. He'd read all sorts of things there: Anatomy, selected works in philosophy, Oliver Twist, war hero accounts, law. Anything he could get a hold of in the dark, really. Among those books were a bible. There's a passage there that stuck— something he'd only read past but had barraged into the walls of Alex's mind three years ago, Book of Jeremiah, chapter 17, verse 9: The heart is more deceitful than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?

Love Songs in the Key of Liam - 8,152 words [Liam POV/centric, 5+1]

It's fucked. He's fucked — Liam, that is. There was no way this was going to work. Ever. What's the next worst thing to growing up closeted in a typically close-minded neighbourhood? Probably developing a crush on your best friend who lives in said neighbourhood. (Or: The five times love songs reminded Liam of his now estranged best friend, and the one time it reminded him of someone else.)

Terrible Things - 4,038 words [Hanahaki AU, hurt/no comfort]

"How long?" That, he can answer. "A year or so." He croaks out, not really wanting to strain himself any further.

water in my hands - 3,521 words [sickfic(?), has references to illness, hurt/no comfort]

It takes Alex a good amount of time to realise; sometimes love just isn't enough to keep the world going, even if he desperately wanted it to.

no question (he'll hold your heart if you let him) - 2,837 words [June POV/outsider POV, post-canon]

June doesn't think much about it at first, putting the box along the pile, but she belatedly realises what it is and gets an idea. A satisfied grin makes its way onto her lips when she finally finds it, an edition of Astrotalk that detailed star sign compatibilities. June doesn't open the magazine all the way to the Libra section, stopping short at someone else's instead. (Or: June finds a box that contained one of her teenage fixations and goes through it for old time's sake.)

Smoke Slow - 2,026 words [shotgun kissing oneshot basically]

“Hey.” Alex says, just for the sake of saying something, the silence between them wasn’t stifling but he didn’t want to risk their interaction coming to an end just because he’s not engaging enough. Henry gives him a sideways glance. “Teach me how to do that.”

“Do what?”

“That. The shotgun.” For a moment, Alex briefly considers how idiotic that probably sounded to Henry. It wasn’t a hard task to mimic, but Alex had long thrown out his composure out the fences of Pez’s house when Henry put the goddamn stick into his mouth. 

i'll be happy (just to have known you) - 1,855 words [hurt/no comfort]

Henry resigns himself to the reality that Alex—albeit distant and unattainable—still managed to break through his dismal world and grant him a light he never imagined was still possible to exist. This was enough. This was more than he'd ever expected for himself. It was the universe's way of extending an olive branch in response to the cards he'd been dealt with. He'd be stupid not to take it.

dreamy little you - 1,666 words [crack-ish AU, post-canon]

"Of course, love, but would you love yourself if you were a worm?" This visibly stumps Alex. If the way his mouth just opened for a rebuttal and coming up empty is anything to go by.

only got a hundred - currently at 4,008 words

An ongoing collection of 100-word drabbles written according to the Brownstone server's prompts.

Haikyuu

Ceilings (he thinks it's not real, it is) - 6,009 words [light angst and pining with a happy? ending]

“Yo, you sleepy?” Takahiro meant to say that no, he isn't. That Issei looks stupid with his hair messed up like that. That he should be asking Issei that, with the bags under his eyes speaking for themselves. Instead, what comes out is, “I miss you.” It would be so easy to take the opportunity now. But still, Takahiro is terrified of ruining things. Or: Takahiro has graduation blues, and Issei makes him feel better, but things don't just end there.

Bloom - 1,444 words [two-dialogue challenge oneshot, retrospective? angst/no comfort]

Matsukawa Issei is not much of a sentimental person, save for special occasions where he has no choice but to reminisce.

Cruel (what your mind can do for no reason) - 1,012 words [light angst/comfort, implications of dissociation]

Issei struggles through a bad mental health night, Takahiro breezes him through the tail end of it.

Shameless (US)

big guns out, shoot now - 3,257 words [first kiss oneshot]

It's kind of out of character for Ian, really, he's always careful about not blurting out or doing shit that tapped into his feelings on the brunette, around the very subject of his affections. Has been, in fact, for the last two years and counting. Not that it got any easier to maintain, there are always slip ups (Exhibit A: right here, right now), but that's solely his problem.

On the Off Chance - 5,780 words [soulmate AU, ongoing]

To say Ian was relieved when he hears Mickey confirm how he did not, in fact, get his soulmate mark just a couple days after coming of age would be a huge understatement. (Or: Soulmate marks only show up when the younger of the pair turns nineteen– which isn’t uncommon, to say the least.)

[crystalkitty1220]

Monthly-ish check-in

Aka more of a diary entry than a blog post

Gonna disappear again for a bit after posting this

Decided to major in animation because ever since losing all of my confidence when it comes to writing creatively in Creative Writing class, my focus has been moved entirely to storyboards and scripts. Storytelling is still my passion but clearly I'm not very good with words, and tbh the only reason I had ever really been confident in my writing is because I'm good with grammar. I feel like my storyboards/scripts are pretty good and capture the exact energy I've never really been able to get across in my writing, but actual animation capabilities are still yet to be seen because I can barely fucking draw in the first place. Gonna also experiment with 3D modeling in college, because who knows, maybe I'm better if I can see my work from multiple angles at a time.

Maybe I'll host a MAP at some point when I fully come back to tumblr. If I do, it'll probably be centered around Traffic Life. Or maybe IBVS if there's enough people.

Fandom-wise, I somehow managed to get Echos obsessed with Traffic Life by showing them some episodes of Secret Life (specfically Tango's Torchy one). Then we watched Empires together, and now Echos is watching season 10 of Hermitcraft with me (Grian, Scar, and Joel's povs, though without them I've also been watching Mumbo, Bdubs, occasionally Zed, and now Doc. Before season 10 I only watched Grian, Scar, and Bdubs). I've even started working on a little something centered around Jimmy and the Canary Curse. Also add Xornoth to the list of even remotely evil-aligned characters that I thought were dudes at first and find out they're nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer after I start crushing on them. This is the, what, fifth time? At this point if I get a crush on a character I should just immediately start calling them by they/them. Specifically the Empires the Musical one btw, not the one that's just Smajor with a voice filter.

Still been having major nostalgia for Feral ever since downloading Emuferal. Got Krita to paint something based on it but I don't know when I'll post that. Wrote around three complete animatic scripts featuring the Blood Tundra kobolds. Three is actually a very small number compared to the amount I normally write per fandom. (Then again, I've only got around 2-ish for IBVS. That's probably because I like to focus on symbolism for my animation scripts, and the only consistent symbolism I can think of for IBVS is with Isaac and birds. He's been drawn in a bird cage, which is very much known to symbolize being trapped or lacking some kind of freedom. In another bit of art he's been drawn with wings, showing the achievement of freedom. Freedom from what? Hell if I know. Possibly unrelated to the bird stuff, in another bit of art, Isaac is seen holding Drew's hand. Drew has a confused, upset expression, and Isaac's expression is unreadable as always but I interpret it as being rather solemn. Isaac's feet are, notably, not on the fucking ground. He's drifting away, and Drew's trying to hold onto him. This could symbolize Isaac shutting down emotionally/socially and Drew trying to help. Or, if this connects to the freedom symbolism, Isaac might fucking die by the end of IBVS. It's probably the first one. I am eating this shit up I fucking adore symbolism.)

Speaking of IBVS, I've been reworking Curse!IBVS. The version I posted about in the past was basically the second version of Curse (I never posted anything about the first) so this one would be version three. Isaac's going back to being much more like version 1 because I decided I'm not a huge fan of the second one for multiple reasons. Due to Drew having healing powers, he and Nevin are also getting reworked - I even wrote a little snippet surrounding them just to get the vibes right, but I don't think I'll ever post it. Edward's curse is basically staying the same, but the way he handles it is being changed so he can work as a sort of foil to Nevin. I'm still trying to figure out how to turn Dez's power into a curse without making it too similar to Nevin's or Edward's. And I'm thinking Chris and Charlie can be more similar to normal IBVS, and then I can use Chris as a sort of anchor to introduce everything else. Also my brain keeps showing my this huge dramatic climax scene but unfortunately I think it's a little too out-of-character and I have no clue how it'd even get to that point.

Got the fourth Animorphs graphic novel. The whale thing is still super weird. Ax looks nothing like I imagine him. Not much more to say on that.

Started playing Royale High more regularly but it's a bit depressing because I've been playing since it was Winx Fairies and Mermaids Roleplay and now it's just Work a Job to Buy Useless Items and Invest in the Stock Market Simulator. Idk the musical chairs minigame is pretty fun.

Warrior Cats animations continue to be my main inspiration for basically everything I've ever drawn. I could write about them for hours but it's already 1am so I probably shouldn't. Oh and the new arc is pretty good if you cut out everything that isn't Frostpaw. Might be my new favorite pov character.

Really disappointed Camp Camp ended on ep 4 of the new season because literally episode 5 is always either a Jasper episode or my favorite episode Quartermoon Convergence. I can't believe my favorite character is now bald forever and my second favorite character hasn't been mentioned since season 3. On the plus side I have a whole separate document from my main script one just for Camp Camp animatic scripts because I've written so many of them. I don't know what I have more of, UTMV scripts or Camp Camp ones.

For years, crossovers have for some reason been my brain's main focus. Probably because the first ever fanfic I read was Morphing is Magic, and that shit was fire. So here's a few of the odd ones that have found their way into my thoughts:

•Yet another variation of an Animorphs and IBVS crossover.

•"The Othermind from WoF can affect people who ingest the Breath of Evil, and Nightmare's goo can break down and absorb anything, so could he be affected by the Othermind if he was stabbed one of the vines? Would it not count because he doesn't have a bloodstream?"

•IBVS constantly haunts my brain so that last one turned into the IBVS characters being dropped into the WoF world (as humans, mind you) but Drew and Nevin are in Pantala while the rest end up in Pyhrria.

•Similarly (while I was reading the new Warriors arc), the IBVS being dropped into the lake territory (this time catified) and all into different clans.

•Speaking of catification, I found this shit (below) in my ibis paint drafts, and immediately screenshotted it to send to Echos.

I don't remember how or why I drew Drew's hair like that. I don't know why Dez would be trying to catboyify Drew, or why using the wrong materials would get him possessed by Ende from Feral. But by god, the thing that caught me off-guard most is the words "Is this what I get for saving your life? Catboyfication?" and I don't think I could write something funnier if I tried. Of course my brain immediately began to run with this, resulting in this blurb of text later being sent to Echos:

Me: it's four in the fucking morning, *stop* thinking of dumbass crossovers, they don't even make any fucking sense / My brain: monika said she had some of rachel's memories when possessing her. What if, when ende possesses drew, she's led back to his home and immediately feels like this place is a sanctuary - a safe place after being in danger for so long - something that drew has managed to find but ende still longs for. When she walks inside and sees nevin, she gets really emotional and can't stop herself from hugging him, then has to come up with the excuse that she (still pretending to be drew) didn't realized how much she missed him, then makes a fake promise to explain what happened in the morning. When she's by herself in drew's room she silently swears to drew - despite the fact she can feel he's falling into some kind of 'sleep', one that she can only recognize because she herself has been in an absent 'sleep' like that for so long - that she'll do everything she can to make sure they can both be free in this place. And when she goes to bed, she experiences drew's memory dream, and ende can relate to the feeling of having an important memory be kept from her. / And then the arms around her feel like they're turning into wings, and when she opens her eyes (though still dreaming) she sees luka. And ende demands to know why, if she's supposed to forget everything, can't they let her move on? A blizzard rages on in the background. She tries to pull away from luka's arms, but they still feel like wings encasing her - trying to keep a member of the flock safe, but only trapping her there - or like those of the watcher's. Again, she demands why they can't just let her go. Luka keeps their signature empty smile, but their eyes are not their own, boring down into ende like those of an all-too familiar statue. And then she wakes up, and she makes a second promise to the boy who can't even hear her: she's going to help him remember. / Me: stfu its sleep time. honk shoo. honk mimimimi. go to fucking bed.

Echos' reply was: "Ooo".

•Hermes from Empires SMP using the Staff of Sanctuary for Multiverse Shenanigans™

•Multiple concepts of villains from different media being thrown into Gotham City, and how they'd fare against Batman. I blame Echos and the other one for being obsessed with the Batfam and talking about DC constantly.

•Doodles of Empires!Smajor, Celestia from MLP, Dream from Dreamtale, and Sun from FNaF interacting in "my sibling got corrupted by an outside force and turned evil" club™. At some point I threw DogDay in there just for the hell of it even though he doesn't fit the criteria whatsoever. One of the doodles is just Scott, confused, with a thought bubble containing a cartoony sun symbol. (Wait, does Jake from Animorphs count? Can't believe I missed that.)

•Some other IBVS ones idk it's just constantly in my head

Also been reconnecting with some irl friends I hadn't spoken to since the Women List Dude incident. First time hanging out at a friend's house for as long as I can remember, and you best believe one of my rambles led from Spiderverse to Undertale AUs to Kirby Takes Manhattan to the origins of the ship Fingers In His Ass Sunday. Also got to learn a bit more about Women List Dude, whom none of them even knew I had experience with, and vice versa. To quote one of my friends, "Every time I talk to someone new about him, the story grows." Apparently he was fucking infamous in our school, and not even just in our grade. Istg he's practically an urban legend. "Oh, [Woman List Dude]? Yeah, I've got some stories about him..." *crackling of a campfire, the smell of smores.* Except there's concrete evidence and multiple witnesses to every account. It's honestly hilarious.

Uhh I think that's basically about it for this update. It's now 4am and I just finished rereading everything, so I'm gonna hit post and then not check tumblr again for like another month.

[izzy-b-hands]

hiiiiii holden ily. 🍓 🥑🦴🧩

Ella, thank u!!!

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Already answered, but! I provide another Early Fanfic Fact abt myself: my friends and I in middle school and into early high school had a shared notebook (s) for MCR fanfiction. Just those cheap crappy thin ones from like, Wal-Mart, but we could have a bunch on hand as we filled each one up lol. We passed those around, everyone either adding onto in progress fics (with original author's permission), or just adding nice comments or little drawings (we were a bunch of goth/emo kids in the aughts, so. Not so skilled anime style portraits of various band members/anime characters, that one weird S that I think everyone learned how to do.)

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

Tbh, probably all of you guys, yourself very much included Ella lol. Depending on exactly how badly I've fucked up, we might need a variety of skills, variety of access to a variety of things. Some people coordinating hiding the body, others helping me figure out a disguise, some working on plane, train, etc tickets and finding places for me to hide. In return, I'll only mildly jeopardize my hiding places by sending u guys cool stuff that I think you'll like from wherever I am at the time jfadlskjadjal. This is the one situation where I'm aware actually having a lot of ppl involved would be a bad idea, but it's funnier for the bit to imagine this like some Ocean's/Kingsman level of silly shit after I accidentally kill someone (at least one person is dedicated to just keeping me from panicking abt that tbh lmao.)

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

There's a lot of them!

Only Lovers Left Alive (movie), Last Night at the Lobster (book), The Man Who Fell to Earth (book and the movie), are the first ones that come to mind (the second one partially bc I'm due for a reread of it, and since moving have no idea where my copy is.) There's a much larger full list tho of course, that includes music too which immediately adds several miles to said list lol.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Honestly? if it's touted as the 'most perfect' or 'only correct characterisation' or other similar 'this fic is the Only Fic Ever don't read anything else from this fandom' vibes.

I've found that fics like that aren't necessarily bad, some are lovely! But they don't tend to live up to all the hype every time, and I feel. Weird. Abt having that high of expectations vs being able to go in more neutral, or like, a fic that I've had one or two ppl recommend to me.

I always worry talking abt this, bc really, less popular vs more popular fics aren't a 'one is better than the other' situation, at least not to me. I've read some amazing, very popular fics, and I've read some that had barely twenty kudos that still live rent free in my head just as much as the former. It just kinda depends, but, that said, I still have a harder time going into the 'BNF' (hate that term) fics than others.

I have other things that'll make me back out of a fic, but this is one that's come up the most in the last couple of years in particular for me when fic-reading/searching for fic to read lol.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

In The Still Of The Night

Song Inspo ::: Welcome To The Panic Room // by: Au/Ra

A/N ::: I wish I could tell you all why. But I really can't. It just sort of poured out of my fingers. This is probably the most ... different? ... thing I've ever written. I 100% blame the song for this shit. Ok, like 50/50. 70/30. Fuck. It was 100% my fault.

C/W ::: Toji AND Megumi are in this. Talk of consumption of blood. Not a lot though (talk, or blood). Without going into too much detail, sex stuff happens when the three of you are in the same space. Oral {F -> M}, P -> V, masturbation, dry humping, Dubcon, brief mention of bad past, if I missed any please let me know and I'll add them to the list. Aged up Megumi (21).

You walk in and see Megumi from across a dark gothic bar. He stares at you like you're his next meal and he's a vampire out for the games of the night.

You see his blue-green eyes as the dull lights bounce around the room. Multi-color shifts dancing on the people in the cages hanging from the ceiling while they cut themselves and drip onto the freaks below them. Lapping up their self-hatred because they can't face their own in the cold light of day.

He tips his head up at you, but he doesn't smile. You know what he wants. You know that by the look of his clenched fists. 

Sneaking into the crowd to disappear for just a second longer before you succumb to this violent dicking down you so desperately need after the day you had in corporate America.

You dance.

You dance like you don't know he's watching your every move. Stalking you like you’re a lamb that strayed too far from the herd.

It's dangerous out here.

The wolves are everywhere. And they will eat you whole. They're counting on you to come to them when you're lost.

They promise to help you find who you so badly want to be. They vow to help you find your way out of this dark forest that is existence.

Megumi goes to you and pulls you close to his netted chest. The buckles and clasps hurt as he squeezed you to him. Telling you how bad you are for not coming to him right away when he summoned you.

"You defy people a lot, lost girl?"

You laugh in his face and lean in to kiss him. Biting his lip, sucking on the blood and spitting it right back into his pretty mask.

He rips your shirt right down the center and sucks on one of your tits. Returning the favor of the mild injury.

But it's ok. It's ok because you feel again.

His sharp teeth pulled at your potential life source.

"Get on your knees." He yells at you over the music. It was already beating you down. If he had waited a few more seconds you would have fallen willingly to his cock. But he is not a patient man.

You simp down and cower to his gaze. Undoing his belt. The button on his pants. The zipper. You pull them down just enough to free his angry, red dick.

It tastes sweet. Like blackberries after you bite your tongue.

He puts his hand on the back of your head as he pushes through the pathetic whimpers. You can't even think of begging him to take it easy on your poor soul.

But then he just laughs as the tears and black makeup streams down your cheeks.

He can't tell, but you’re really smiling. Those are tears of joy. He's fucking your mouth into oblivion.

Gagging on him, he finally cums into your tight throat. He moaned loudly, too. But the music was at its peak the same time he was. So you’re inclined to think they canceled one another out.

You stood as he composed himself as best he could, and pulled him to the corner of the large black room.

He shoves you roughly into the poster-covered wall and gets a hair's breadth away from the shell of your ear and tells you how good you did for him just now when you let him take your mouth.

You shivered against his hard body.

There was nothing warm about him. Even his cum felt cold as you swallowed it.

Though he assures you he is alive, no matter how dead his conscience may be.

Megumi pushes a code into the wall behind a square sheet of metal disguised as a poster. You never would have noticed it was different from the others had you not seen him move it.

You wonder if he feels the same way about you. Are you his metal poster? Did he see someone else touch you and he wasn't content with simple voyeurism so he has to force you into this secret room amongst the more "normal" people in this succulent place?

Hedonistic place.

"Sit. Down." He says to you, as he scans the smokey room. It's no bigger than a jail cell. But they still managed to fit a couch and a few chairs in here. "Sit down over there." He points to a stained bean bag chair next to a woman who was sucking on the ring finger of a man who was guiding another woman on his lap to fuck him how he wanted to be fucked.

Megumi lays down with you, he's between your legs. His eyes have a spark in them. Like he knows something you don't, but you'll find out soon enough.

He starts rolling his hips into you. You can feel how hard he is again.

Already.

Like father, like son.

You feel your hair get pulled roughly to the side and then his lips graze your pulse point. He sinks his teeth into you and you feel heat spread through your soon to be vetted body.

Your shirt is agape, much like your mouth, as you try to comprehend all of these things you’re feeling. 

It's hard. 

To feel, you think.

Megumi kisses down your chest to where your skin is covered again by yet more clothing.

Nothing special. Just black pants and a cheap belt.

He slips his hand through the half fastened belt and pulls it out.

"Get up."

You do as he says.

"Everyone out."

They grumble.

"Everyone get the FUCK out, I SAID."

The room clears out and for now, it's just you and him.

There are no cameras. None that you can see, anyway.

You’re just standing there, shivering because it’s cold and you’re more than just a little excited. More than just a little scared.

You hear a noise from the other side of the wall.

Someone is coming in. The door opens.

It's Toji.

You know his dad.You used to be his favorite fuck toy until one night things went too far.

But you three don't speak of that.

"What's he doing here." You try not to let your voice shake. But it doesn't listen. It's like a dead leaf falling from a tree.

Toji crushed your words.

"Hi, princess. Fancy meeting you here." He says in that sexed out voice of his. You hate that it turns you on so much to be standing in here with both of them.

But you can't help it. The heart wants what the brain can't comprehend.

Megumi steps out for a few minutes and Toji comes over to you and without saying a word, he removes your remaining articles of clothing.

He puts his large hands on your shoulders and doesn't even try to sugarcoat what's about to happen.

"It won't be like last time, doll. I'm a different man now. You believe me, right?" He begs without actually begging. His words are as sweet and sticky as honey.

You actually believe him as you fall into his arms and kiss him. Feeling his familiar tongue tipping the scales in his favor.

"Oh honey, if I were a bettin' man, I'd risk it all for your pussy. S'cute that Megs thinks he gets you all to himself tonight. Heh. Dumbass kid, that one."

He bends down and picks you up by the backs of your knees, wrapping your legs around his fine, tapered waist, and takes you to sit down on the overstuffed couch.

Toji's mouth latches on to your right nipple as his hand plays with the left. Pinching and pulling, just like you told him you liked it.

You’re honestly surprised he remembers.

You moan and start to grind that bared and wet pussy against the huge bulge in his pants just when Megumi walks in. Tucking your chin down, you turn and look at him sickly. 

"Hi, Megs. Wanna play with us?" 

Your eyes go to the back of your head because you're getting close to cumming all over Toji's lap. His dick just feels too good not to rub up against. Your clit keeps hitting the knot that's holding his pants up. Hoping and hoping your cunt will magically untie it and his pants will fall victim to the bitch that is gravity.

But Toji is a big boy and he has been dressing himself for longer than you've been alive. So they're not going anywhere until he decides it’s time.

Megumi moves to stand behind you and he spits on his fingers.

"Ass. Out."

"Magic word, asshole." You’re feeling braver now that Toji is here. That false confidence gets you into trouble every single time.

"What the fuck did you just say to me? Give ... me ... your ... ass, slut."

That was the magic word. It shocks you that Megs remembers your magic word, too.

These two must be more fond of you than you give them credit for.

Megumi slams his hand down on your ass and picks through your reaction with a fine-toothed comb.

Toji starts to baby you. Pulling you all the way onto his lap, your knees to your chest as you nurse a broken ass.

Which is much better than a broken heart.

You can feel Toji's precum through his pants sticking to you.

It feels cold and gross. Maybe he's a dead man, too, and you were too busy being on your knees to realize who you were dealing with.

The music is still hitting those low bass vibes out on the floor.

You want to dance.You want to put on a cloak of invisibility and shove these two into traffic and then dance around their bodies.

Megumi takes your hand and pulls you off of his dads lap and pushes you back onto the beanbag chair.

"Stay there."

You nod.

"Why'd'ya take my toy, Megs? That was awfully shitty of you." Toji stands and towers over you. Finally undoing the knot that kept his glorious cock.

"You need somethin', sweet pea."

You were hoping he'd ask. But it fell through the floor and landed as a statement. He was going to give you something whether or not you really wanted it. This so-called 'gift' he was going to bestow upon you.

"Yeah? Wha'do I need, daddy."

He loved when you called him that. It made him feel important. Like he was raising you to be better than you are now.

But you both knew that wasn't true. You are all you will ever amount to.

"You need … ahhh … my cock."

He pulled his pants down and kicked them to the side. His dick was already hard. Just like his son's. It was scary how alike they were.

But maybe that's why you loved them so much.

Toji picked you up and sat you back on his lap, his cock in your pussy as he thrust into you with every ounce of strength he had.

Megumi stood behind the both of you, again, watching. Jerking off to it all.

You felt him cum on your back at some point. But you were too busy focusing on the pleasure you were getting from the Zenin men.

It was everything you had been waiting for. 

Toji was fucking you in all the right ways. Filling you up with his cum, telling you how good you were for taking it all.

"You're gonna get pregnant, princess. You want that?"

"I don't care. Fuck me."

And he did. He fucked you so good you thought you would die. You wanted to die.

You came on his dick, squeezing him for every last drop.

You’re shaking in Toji's arms.

He kissed you on the forehead. "It's ok, babydoll. You can let go. It's ok to let go."

And you did.

You let go of everything. The job, the stress, the bills. The bad memories and the good ones, too.

You were free.

You were free from it all.

But it wasn't long before you found myself in the same situation.

It's like a circle. One you can't ever get out of.

It's like being stuck in a hamster wheel. Running but never making it anywhere.

Maybe it was the cycle of your own birth and death. 

These two were the literal symbols of your birth and death.

Megumi was young, gentle. Though not much more gentle than his father.

Toji was the older, more bitter Megumi. More experienced.

He is going to be the death of you if you aren't careful.

But it's so easy to be reckless when other people tell you they're going to look out for you.

"Princess." Toji said, “It’s his turn now.”

Taglist ::: @arlerts-angel @millennialmagicalgirl @callm3senpaii

[nikeiyomiurioverthinker]

Was thinking about the fact that Linuj stated that there are going to be in total 8-10 side stories and I'm just like. What are those shits even going to be about??? So I'm making a list of ideas and how probable they are to be turned into a side story.

1. and 2. are the ones that we already got, so I'll skip right ahead to side story 3:

Nikei's backstory was confirmed to be put in one of the side stories, so that's an easy one. Hopefully we get it soon, I wanna know this little freak's damage.

There is going to be a Yoruko-centric one, probably one where she manages to talk to Sora from the virtual reality? It just makes sense that all the survivors get one side story each.

Talking about survivors, we definitely need to know what Yuki's been up to now that he is basically a demigod. So that one's coming for sure. Hopefully he's not turning into Utsuro 2.0...

The newest side story mentioned an incident happening that would change the Kisaragi Agency, and that is likely going to be the subject of another omake. Although, I don't know if that is going to be its own side story or it's gonna be connected to Yuki's- I can see him being related to what happened.

Not too likely but I think it would be nice to see how the CoU was like before Mikado contacted them. We never got the opportunity to fully see how these people interacted with one another without being literally dead.

Also not likely but I wanna see Syobai and Nikei's contract and how they worked together. It could also help explain to us all a little better how much the Voids knew about the plan.

This is most definitely not happening, but Linuj did mention that more people were saved by Utsuro, but everyone but Void had already died. Were there more members to the CoU than we originally thought? Was the fact that other members were dying around them one of the reasons why they got so desperate they accepted to start a killing game? I think it could be pretty interesting, and Linuj has shown no problems creating a new character briefly for a side story.

Just. A side story where we get to know more about Yuki being turned into a brain in a jar. Like what was up with that. It's not happening ever but WHY WAS YUKI'S BRAIN PUT IN A JAR-

Yeah that's all the ones I got. Feel free to add onto these ideas.

[keeperofthebox]

I'm visiting your inbox to peek at ANY number of your favorite fics you've written, to be answered at any time in any format. Feel free to ramble about them as much as you like 😈

sunny ur so sweetums <3

i have a few i can talk about..!

bon voyage - rated g, miraculous, incomplete, ~40kish as of right now

i mean honestly this is the proudest i've been of a chapter fic (not that i have many - i've only gotten more than 15k deep into, like, three in my life). but i've gotten halfway through writing bon voyage, it's coherent (i hope), i know exactly what i'm trying to tell the reader and i like that message, it has all sorts of my favorite things, it appeals to me aesthetically... the list goes on. i'm not always so good at finishing what i start but i'd like to think i'll finish this one just because i genuinely like it so much, but i don't take it so seriously that it isn't fun to write anymore.

too-loo-ry-aye - rated t, infinity train, complete, 11k

this is one of my favorite longer oneshots i've ever written. i knew what i wanted to convey to the reader, i had a VISION, and i feel proud of how i conveyed it. i came at it so carefully because i wanted to respect the heaviness of what i was talking about and the fact that i was going outside my own experience to write it (i'm gay but i'm white so i can only relate to half of what's discussed in the fic), and of course i'll always want feedback but so far i've heard from others that i did an okay job and it resonated which is everything i could have asked for. i love you pickleboy <3

follow across - rated t, final fantasy vii (the og), complete, ~3k

hnnngh clerith (end of blurb) (jk) honestly they are just so ridiculously important to me and i see their relationship in such a specific melancholic hesitant light that i don't really see explored that often? i love the art i did for this fic i think it's probably one of my favorite illustrations i've ever made. and i'm really proud of how i captured the mood between scenes. basically i think i just nailed what i was going for. this fic takes a canon scene in the game and essentially adds onto it!

and finally we go under the cut for the fandom quarantine

i used to be really active in the DSMP fandom and i still treasure some of the characters but for obvious reasons i have no interest anymore lol

nails on a chalkboard - rated g, dream smp, complete, ~2k

i wrote this before i had really learned all of the lore for c!karlnapity but i had so many big feelings about them i needed to put it somewhere and the motif of c!quackity catching himself hurting others again in his desperation but realizing it and stopping and choosing to be kinder just really meant a lot to me. even though i'd write it differently now, i needed to write this fic when i did, and i captured what i was trying to. so i'm proud of it, more than anything else i wrote for that fandom

[sheliesshattered]

Interior sleeve finishes:

Done!

Armscye facing:

Done!

Neckline facing and reinforcement for trim and beading:

Done!

Visibility from the outside:

NONE!

Pardon my excitement over finishing these finishings, but I'm just so glad to be done. All of these were fiddly, time-consuming handsewing, but now that they're done, all the interior finishes of the overdress are checked off my list. I still need to do the hem (probably very last step of the whole project), and the handsewing on the underdress seamlines are still ongoing, but this is still a huge section of the project done. Huzzah.

Someone on the Dragon Con discord mentioned the other day how much time cosplayers spend doing teeny tiny hand-stitches that no one else will ever see, because the whole point of them is to be invisible. The dimpling along the sleeve seam is just a little bit visible, even after ironing, but that's mostly down to the thickness of the flat-felled fabric there. But the neckline and armscye finishes are completely invisible, even from close up, which is exactly what I wanted. A lot of effort, but worth it.

With all the finishing (except the hem) done, it's finally finally time to move on to the trim portion of this project! The wide strip of organza to finish the neckline was measured to match the 1.5" trim that will be going along there, and that will have ~200 tiny garnet seed beads sewn on top. The red silk can be a little fragile feeling, so I wanted to be sure that the trim+beading would have plenty of support to grab onto.

Getting that trim placed and seamed together at center front and shoulder seams is going to be another tedious project, but I think getting that -- and the narrow trim that goes over the seamlines -- into place will really bring the dress into focus and make it look a lot more like the screen-used dress. The narrow trim is going to look something like this:

I need to play around with it a bit to figure out placement and technique, but I'm planning to anchor it to the interior vertical seam finishings if possible. It all needs to be handsewn, but the trim is so narrow that I think I'll either be able to do a single line of stitches, or a narrow zig-zag alternating between the sides. This trim is on nine of the ten seams (not center back, for some reason, but eh I'll match the show and skip that one) running from shoulder to floor, so even if the handsewing itself is fast, I've got a lot of ground to cover.

The narrow trim disappears under the wide neckline trim at center front and over the shoulders (a fact I used when drafting the shoulders waaaaay back in January, which is weird to think about now), so I may end up sewing on at least the upper edge of the wide trim before I do the trim for those five seams, just so I can position it correctly in relation to the bottom edge of the wide trim. I think I'll start with one of the underarm seams, though, until I have a good grasp on the technique for couching the narrow trim along the seamlines.

Besides getting started on the trim, this week I also want to keep hacking away at all the seam finishes for the underdress. This past week I was able to finish a stretch of one seam from waist to floor, and start on another one. It's another part of this project that is very slow and tedious work, but it would be even more fiddly if I tried to do it by machine, so I'm just going to keep at it little by little.

The only other thing I might try to tackle this week is sewing the hooks and eyes to the forearm opening of the sleeves. It's not hugely pressing, but I do want to have those in and functioning before I add this same narrow trim to the cuff of the sleeves. I still need to figure out what I want to do for the wide flat circular medallions? beads? trim? that are just above that. I think I might be able to replicate the ones on the show using the narrow trim, but if not I do have a couple of options bookmarked on Etsy.

And speaking of, this last week I also ordered the last piece of jewelry I need, and the bits for making the one thing that I haven't been able to find a good stand-in for also arrived. Jack has promised to help me with that, we just haven't gotten to it yet. I'll definitely post pics once that's done. There are a couple of other little bits -- lacing rings and aglets -- that I need to order for the decorative dragon-claw lacings on the front of the dress, but I my shopping list is definitely getting pretty short.

Not counting today, there are 86 days left until Dragon Con, basically just 12 weeks plus a couple of days for packing and last minute wig fussing and such. And I think I'm well on track to get this project done, including a little matching bag to carry all my con necessities around in.

Buuut I've also sourced all the bits I would need for the other cosplay I'm really excited about, including an alternative for the one piece I want to sew, in case I run out of time to sew it. And then there's the classic-and-comfy cosplay that I've been meaning to tackle for literal decades that would be fun to have for an easy Thursday evening cosplay, and ugh I just want to sew all the things!

OTOH, given that it's 12 weeks until Dragon Con, I'm also trying to get my sleep schedule under control again, and walk earlier (and longer) every morning, to prepare for all the walking that con entails. So I should probably wrap up this post, maybe do a little more handsewing on the underdress before bed, and make myself get some sleep. And hopefully not dream about working on cosplay again tonight, lol.

[nottheweirdest]

Hey! Same anon as the other day who recommended sleeping at last and others. Im so glad you enjoyed some of my song recs, it made me happy to read your reply to each song! Saw you wanted more so I'm here to do just that xD

I forewarn i bring more angsty sad songs, its all i know with these guys lol. I'll start off with what i picture as least to most

Congratulations - Blue October (Song is all about unrequited/missed love and having to move on from ever having that relationship filled with regret, applies to either haha)

Ghost in the Night - The Satellite Station (makes me think of sonic or shadow being free and scared to lose that and take the leap to the other)

Turning Pages - Sleeping At Last

The Scientist - Coldplay (total love song i like to think of shadow overthinking and just how fast life/love can come at you and to hold onto what you have and cherish it. Ps watch music vid)

The Night We Met - Lord Huron (ive said it before and i must again lol, i just love the angst potential from shadow outliving sonic, or something happening that their relationship ends and just loving with the regret. This hits that spot xD)

Amen - Amber Run (pure angst. One remains witbout the other. This song always makes me feels for multiple reasons)

Hope you enjoy these again! I have so much fun listening through music to find ones to send your way lately :3

Ahhh I'm so excited to go through this list!!! Also, sorry about the slow response! Last week was my last crazy week at work (in theory) for the next 8 weeks so I am gonna be able to be around more! Honestly, I listen to a lot of angsty music lol especially a lot of angsty folk type music. I actually recognize most of these songs! hahaha we're share a musical braincell I think. I haven't listened to Congratulations in a while, probably 10 years or something. It's funny when you hear music you used to enjoy and sing along too without fully understanding the lyrics, or understanding what the song is about. This is a great Sonadow break up song, or just in general I guess!🥺

Ooof Ghost in the Night was a definitely add to my liked songs. That's good stuff, absolutely my cup of tea and very similar to things I listen to. New music yay!! I could see this for Shadow especially, dealing with his PTSD. 🥺 Poor buddy. He needs a hug.

Turning Page is a fantastic song, this is definitely one I've got on my list already. High five for mutually enjoyed music! The Scientist is another one I am very familiar with. This was one of my angsty go to songs as a teen. It's such a haunting song and one of my favorite Coldplay songs ever. 💖 You're right on the music video too. All the feels....

Lord Huron is amazing, and so is this song. Definitely got all the angst factor. 💔 I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom danced to Ends of the Earth and I think it's a good Sonadow match too 💗

I listen to Amber Run a lot too (I told you you totally have my vibe figured out lol) and yeah... this song for our poor Immortal Shadow. 😭 I loved this recs so much! Never hesitate to send more over if you run across any. I love this stuff 😁