#Idk what else I'm just so freaking proud of this thing

[optimistic-violinist]

Behold the most beautiful thing I have ever drawn or painted!! 😅

Razili from @impossiblefangirl0632's and my fic Like Ships, in art nouveau style was so much fun to do. The flowers and the Hebrew on the sides all mean things, but you'll get no hints from me lol.

Dress inspo below:

[born-to-lose]

I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself

[taegularities]

being here has never felt this suffocating.. it feels impossible sometimes to continue

[girlscience]

the adrenaline rush after talking to someone who gives you severe anxiety but the conversation went super well and was super helpful: unparalleled

[thefoxtherapist]

hiii! i saw you were taking requests for wuwa and was wondering if you could write general cuddling headcanons or scenarios for jiyan, calcharo, scar (idk if he��s a cuddle type guy lol), and/or any other characters of your choosing. can have already established relationships

tysm 💜👾

Thank you for the request! I hope you like it! I'm still learning the characters so go easy on me o7

-Scar actually strikes me as somebody overly clingy if given the opportunity. If his schedule allows for it, there's almost nowhere else he'd rather be.

-He's pretty brash about his wants and needs, he doesn't hesitate to take what he wants. And yet, his approach to relationships and intimacy differs from this. If his storytelling is to be believed, I think he'd be hesitant.

-But the moment you open your arms when he comes home? Scar's arms are around your waist in seconds. Always a bit too tight, face buried against you in one way or another. It can be bruising at times, or the complete flipside of far too gentle.

-With Scar its rarely big spoon/little spoon. He prefers when you're laying on your back, either on the bed or the couch. He likes to lay partially on top of you, his face buried in your neck, body half on top of yours like a protective shield. Your arms around him, holding him tightly.

-If he can't breathe because he refuses to remove his face from your neck or hair, then he's cuddling correctly!

-You know those memes that are like (brooding edgy guy) "and what were you up to-" "killing..." "we were cuddling." YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH HIM! Scar will PROUDLY announce everything you two were doing. IN DETAIL.

-He's a proud man. And you've eaten his hair. Ultimately, 7/10.

-Jiyan gonna hit you with "I'm too busy right now, I'll make it up to you." then never make it up to you. The weight of the world is on his shoulders and to some degree he put it there himself.

-You gotta drag his green ass into bed, I'm sorry. But once he's in bed, he will stay there. The thing about cuddling with Jiyan is that it isn't just cuddling? It's also nap time. He's tired, he's overexerting himself, he's fighting a bazillion internal and external wars.

-He likes being the big spoon (you slept on his hair accidentally ONE TIME). Jiyan is a bit tense as his arm wraps around you, his other arm under the pillow. At first his chin will rest against your head, he'll sorta look over you.

-Eventually though he'll relax, his chest will loosen, his grip will loosen, and his face will drop into the top of your head. His breathing gets quieter, calmer. Every time he breathes out a lil hard, there's a gentle breeze that rustles the sheets. But it keeps the temperature perfect.

-It is at this point you could turn in his arm if you want to, bury your face into his chest. Jiyan is fast asleep and happy to hold you as he finally gets some rest with his lover. He's a bit of a snorer though, sorry.

-3/10 on a normal day, but once you get him into the freaking bed, he's so comfortable to nap with and snuggle so 9/10 once hes in there. Good luck though.

-So the edgy brooding guy I mentioned in Scar's section, that is Calcharo. Most of the people who work for him, or even know him, don't even know he has a partner. This is to keep you safe.

-But because of this, physical intimacy is often put aside for safety. He isn't a fan of it, I doubt you're a fan of it. But Calcharo puts those he looks out for pretty high up on his priority list.

-You have a secret knock. And when he knocks in that secret way, he's quick to push by you and into your home. He's quick to check all the locks before he even says hello.

-But his hello is picking you up and bringing you to the nearest soft surface. Your back hitting the couch cushions, him still holding your thighs as he pretty much lays on top of you at a bit of an awkward angle.

-Calcharo tends to kiss and cuddle, it isn't just a relaxing snuggle, he wants to get his kisses in too. Each one gentle, almost tired, as he peppers your face in small kisses. He's a bit like, yes I am saying this to be silly, a puppy.

-If you don't push him off and get him outta his gear, he will sleep like this. Look at that man, he's tired. But the second you push on his shoulder, he's off of you. Very respectful man, my beloved. But he'll follow you to your bedroom, dropping gear on his way. His weapon beside your bed.

-8/10. He's back to giving you kisses and he hasn't undone his boots yet.

[bl0odyh3art]

WHAT A SURPRISE.

warnings: incest (uncle/niece), uncle Leon, leon being a freak, non-con, vomit, Leon thinking reader is child until he sees her ??? 😭

this is dead dove/dark content. if are uncomfortable with this kind of content or don't like it, then do not interact.

a/n: ummm idk about this? felt like this was rushed : P

tags ^w^: @bunnyclaire

Leon hasn't seen you since you were around 12, too many missions and meetings to actually pay attention to family. 

Besides, he fucking hated his brother, always stealing his women, but it was Christmas, so why not go see them? He's got nothing better to do than drink his feelings away and pay hookers for a barely good fuck.

He drove all the way down to his brother's house, he got you a coloring book and plushies…but until he knocked on the door, and you answered, in that fucking outfit. 

"Uncle Leon?" you tilted your head. 

Holy shit. That's my fucking niece? He thought

He just nodded, playing it off with the fact he thought you were some hot chick that your mom was friends with, could've almost fucked you right there. 

"Uh, yeah….this is for you." he handed you the three presents, fixing his jacket.

"Wanna come in?" you pointed inside the house. He just nodded. 

Throughout the night, he got more and more touchy with you, his hand on the small of your back, grabbing your hips to move you out the way, but he really just wanted to feel his boner against your ass. 

It was time to open presents. Your other family members got you age appropriate things, underwear, socks, bra's, and just clothes.

It was time to open up your uncle's present! awww, how sweet of him to get you something after all this time!

You unraveled the poorly done wapping paper to find a princess and hello kitty coloring books, a box filled with 25 crayons, and the best yet….an plushie.

You smiled and dryly chuckled while everyone else was laughing their asses off.

Leon was not so proud of himself, rubbing his temple and groaning to himself, walking into the kitchen to get himself some whiskey.

You followed after him. "Leon?" you called out softly to him, hoping he wasn't crying or something. No more 'Uncle Leon! Uncle Leon!' it's just Leon. Just Leon now.

"Yeah, darlin'?" he muttered, leaning against the counter as you sighed and stepped beside him. "You know I'm not a little kid anymore…right?"

He cleared his throat and looked down into his glass "Yeah, yeah….I know"

His brothers walked in. "Hey! Leon!" he threw his arm around Leon's neck and chuckled. "How's my baby brother doing?"

"Fine. I'm good." Leon shook his head and groaned.

"Got yourself a little lady yet?"

"Nope, not yet."

Leon was in the bathroom, wetting his face with water. "Yeah…nice fucking job embarrassing yourself in front of everyone. dumb fuck….. buying your niece kid shit….fuck, fuck, fuck." his mind was a mess.

he wanted to fuck you, but he's your uncle, and he thought you've been a kid for years.

You knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, you okay in there?"

"Y-yeah…just wait" he grumbled and opened the door.

"Umm…were you talking to yourself?" you tilted your head and slightly squinted your eyes at him.

He wanted to take you in the bathroom right now, bend you over the sink and fuck you like your his and his only.

"No…..uhhh yeah. You got me." he looked at you.He pulled you into the bathroom and just instantly bent you over the sink.

"w-woah…. Leon, wait, wait!" he slapped your ass and lifted the skirt of your dress. "Only sluts wear shit like this…are you a fucking slut?....huh?" he slapped your cheek lightly.

You shook your head "Wh-what?... Leon, what are you….what?"

"No. No. No more Leon….. it's fucking 'uncle'. Got that?" he was in your face, pulling your hair back, so you could look at him.

You quickly nodded as he forced you onto your knees, he struggled to undo his belt and pulled out his dick, smacking the tip on your cheek.

"You're gonna take this like a good girl and there'll be no problems…. understand?" he cooed sternly, slapping the tip against your pouty lips.

He grabbed your jaw to force it open and burry his cock inside your mouth, groaning as he forced your head up and down, making you choke and scratch his thighs. He chuckled and slapped your cheek.

"I said you take this like a good girl." he moaned and hissed a breath in as your teeth scraped his skin slightly

"stupid bitch…." He thrusted too hard, hitting the back of your throat and making you vomit all over his dick, thighs and some even on his bottoms.

"You…..you stupid bitc-!" he stared at you.

On the floor sobbing and hiccuping as you tried to clean him up. Muttering tiny little 'sorries', he sighed and threw you out of the bathroom.

He had to ask his brother for a new pair of pants because he 'accidentally' pissed in his.

You did keep quiet but you wanted more.

So, he fucked you and fucked you until you passed out.

Such an amazing uncle. One of a kind fucked up man.

[sneppu]

THIS IS EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT BUT HEAR ME OUT

I think Bellatrix x Severus has potential to be very fun, in an AU Setting, because to be honest? the reactions to it would be so fucking funny, no matter what kind of AU it is. For example, in an AU where Voldemort is just a politician and Severus + Bellatrix are both in similar years, and therefore able to be students together:

The sheer amount of gremlin energy they would bring to the table. The absolute MENACES they would be. The thing with Bellatrix and Severus is that they are BOTH capable of such extreme levels of devotion, that if that devotion were aimed at someone who not only reciprocated but MATCHED it? there is nothing they could not achieve.

BUT FURTHERMORE:

Young Severus? That's a troubled little gremlin freak right there. The thing is... lily just can't match his freak at that point. maybe she did once, when they were younger, but as time went on, its pretty clear her priorities were just different. but BELLATRIX? she ABSOLUTELY matches his freak, encourages it, makes it grow, even. I think Snape would appreciate that, having someone who was just into it all. and speaking of Lily..

secretly a gremlin lily is cool and all; I'm a fan of it myself. but its like??? ok but why be secret about it. why bother with that shit at all. simply be a gremlin and be proud of this goddamn Sneep! have a little integrity. "oh but i have to make excuses to my friends for you" bro. your friends are wack! check out this unpleasant toenail growing hex he just invented. sick as hell.

CONSIDER:

Lily? buzzkill. can't even admit how impressive as hell this hex is. Bellatrix? in the goddamn trenches alongside with you, ride or die, is actively helping u test out this sick as hell hex. and shes proud of you the entire time! "a toenail growing hex? fucking superb, let's use it on unsuspecting passerbys who happen to be called james potter. oh wow would u look at that, it worked perfectly, sick. could we modify it so that the toenails gain sentience and are able to scream though" idk like, obviously, this is all EXTREMELY AU and very OC, i know this. but like. im JUST saying, that Bellatrix wouldnt have just sat there and chatted politely with potter as The Sneep was choking on soap. is all.

i just think Severus deserves someone who is capable of and willing to be openly and unabashedly obsessed with him in an equally morally grey way as he

also! they would be. just the WORST couple to criticize. you've heard of iconic couples and power couples now get ready for the actual domestic terror couple. imagine Lily and James thinking they're gonna be sooo iconic only to get absolutely obliterated and upstaged by these shameless fucking maniacs every single time. because they WOULD be shameless, it's basically Bellatrix's whole brand.

anyway, are they good for the wizarding world or particularly healthy? of course not, but we're here for a good time, not a long time. I want my Sneep free and enabled, i want him to live his BEST gremlin life, and I want everyone else to seethe about it.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

hey babes,

Idk if you still do requests butttt i had this idea that popped into my head…

okay so basically gavi has succeeded in getting his driver license, but whenever he steps into his own car, he freaks out and can’t drive (my mom had this lmao) so reader helps him by calming him down and giving him instructions?

thank you in advanceeee

He said he still hasn't gotten his drivers licence, but let's pretend he did for the sake of the fic.

The (Survivor) Passenger Princess -P.G

Summary: He's nervous about his driving and you help him calm down

"Sure I'm not gonna die? I mean... I want both of us to grow old and for that is pretty much needed to be alive" He groaned

"You're not gonna die!" He protested shaking his head "Everything will be alright! Trust me?"

"Trust, trust... I mean-" He groaned once more as you laughed grabbing his hand "Of course I do baby! 'Was just playing around with you" You smiled bringing his hand to your lips and kissing it "C'mon, let's make me the survivor passenger princess"

"Y/N-"

"C'mon! Wanna see my man driving" You said looking directly at him as he laughs and blushes lightly

"Alright, alright"

You were going nowhere actually, you just wanted to drive around for a bit and seeing as Pablo recently got his drivers licence, he wanted to be the one behind the wheel, not you, just like always.

Don't get him wrong, he loved to see you driving, it was a hot thing for him, you being in charge and getting mad or annoyed at someone or just you focusing on your driving. It got this effect on him.

Thing is, he wanted you to see he was a man who can drive his girl around whenever she wanted to, he wanted you to be proud of him, more than what you always are, for his news achievements and more.

But... When his ears, heard the sound of the engine turning he pretty much froze.

"Pabs? Pabs? Pablito, amor?"

"Wanna drive?" He asked you as your eyes widened confused by the sudden change

"I-mmm, I thought you wanted to drive?"

"Yes, well..." He shook his head "¿Te soy honesto? I'm shitting my pants, I don't know why, I don't even know what to do!" He freaked out as you nodded

"You're nervous?" He nods "but you told me you had been driving around twice after getting the licence"

"Yes, well... I pretty much lied because I haven't been able to, everytime I step into the car, I freeze and my mind goes completely white. I don't know..." He groaned frustraed and hid his face in his hand

"¡Oh, bebé!" You undid your seatbelt to hug him "What about if I guide you through it, until you get used to it?" He shook his head

"You don't need to, mi vida" He looked up at you

"But guess what? I want to" You smiled as he slowly let out a smile

"You're something else, I swear" You kissed his cheek

"C'mon, sir. Engine turned on already, quita el freno de mano and...-" You putted your hand on top of his in the gear lever and changed it so it could drive "press on the pedal, not to hard, I'm too young to die and I don't want us to fly all around" He laughed and did what you said.

Eventually, you were getting away from his house and going into the main streets, helping him with a few things here and there but he was mostly doing the job and handling it very well and he was already comfortable with what to do.

"You got it, golden boy" He blushed

"Thanks to you, my smart and beautiful girl"

"Can you cheat on your diet, today?" He nods

"Season is done and National calls are in a week" He smiles "I can do a little cheating tonight, for you" You smile widely "and mostly as a gift, for you to help me out with this"

"Always, mi amor" You grab his hand and kiss it "McDonald's?" You ask and he nods.

"You know it"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[ashen-char]

i feel like max would totally freak out during her first gay awakening like... she's always been in heterosexual relationships (+with guys who didn't treat her well btw) so she would totally panic bcs?? she's always thought of herself as straight and suddenly she starts feeling something for a girl?

she would totally blush at a compliment or just simply bcs of the proximity of her girl crush around, although i think she wouldn't be straightforward and confess her feelings bcs well... it's max.

she would either ignore those feelings and try to move on (while ignoring the girl and hurting her by distancing herself) or she'd talk to frankie or sam about it (and they would support her 100%!!)

i feel like frankie and duke would tease her about it, tho. sam would totally be surprised at max's confession but would have a serious talk about it, saying how she's proud of her and would support her no matter if she was gay or not. i think that rich would also play an important role in here since he's always been like a "dad" to sam's kids (and don't forget how important his character was in the last season!!🤠) but also bcs he's gay himself and he would give max some advice, tell her his journey with his own sexual orientation and feel proud of her. i feel like her real dad would have some "but's" if he ever found out about it (idk he just looks like a total homophobe to me lol + considering how bad of a dad/ex husband he is since he always fucks something up). max would be hesitant about telling him about it, tho. knowing how he always lets everyone down i wouldn't even be surprised if she wouldnt tell him.

um, what else... i think max would totally be into rainbow stuff. yk, rainbow hats, rainbow umbrellas, bracelets, socks(😭) anything that reminds her of gay pride. i feel like she would be bisexual/lesbian (i'm a lesbian myself so obv max being a lesbian would be so 🥰🥰) but yeah she would totally have a lot of things in her room that have colors of her flag AND obv she would put a big ass pride flag above her bed. idk the thought of it just makes me happy 😭🤞🏻💞

thank u for listening to my ted talk . i'd love to see more similar stuff to this written by you on ur page and i hope you're doing ok <3 ^__^ i love ur works!!

long ask/response so read more below

oh god, max would be so confused at first. after a few times hanging out, max would catch herself flirting and realise that she's not even joking. that she wants to be around you way more than normal, in a way that's different than being comfortable with her other friends. because being around you doesn't make her comfortable! she feels really awkward and her heartbeat gets all funny and she worries about screwing up her words when she doesn't usually give a fuck about what others think. max finds herself worrying about what you're up to, if you laugh at her jokes, if you'll think what she's wearing is pretty. if you think she's pretty.

honestly, she doesn't even care about the guys she dates as much. there's so many times where max basically uses them as a prop, makes out with them because they're there and talks about them like they're not there. so it's even more confusing to name these feelings because it's completely not like her. and yeah, that feeling of being unsure would make her push you away. but feeling empty without you being near her would slowly eat at max's resolve, and she'd go to the people in her life who always help her figure stuff out.

when max talks about it to sam, sam helps in that half-cringe but very thoughtful way she always does. she'd tell max about a woman who tried pursuing her, mer (in season 3, i think? when max was in chicago for college iirc). frankie would probably walk in during this conversation, and max would be annoyed at both of them—sam for being gross and telling her about someone pursuing her (ew, no one wants to hear about that from their mom) and frankie for being so nosy—but max would eventually settle down and listen.

sam would tell max that whatever she's feeling is great, that the only thing that max might regret is not exploring these feelings and figuring herself out a little more. frankie would say something about how it's fine to not know what you are and just see how it fits and how you feel, relating it to how non-linear their discovery of their gender identity was. frankie would help her realise that everyone's story isn't the same, as frankie tells her these stories about their other LGBT friends. some people feel like they've always known and some people go so long but then have a sudden realisation, like max, but that's all valid and normal. but yes duke and frankie would totally make fun of max for freaking out and acting like this over a crush at her big age.

especially with rich and the other trusted adults in max's life (like phil who would be so happy for max too, and ask all about you), max doesn't need to tell xander about it! his absence in their lives means that he doesn't get to know the real them until he shows an interest in knowing them. if he doesn't act like a dad then he doesn't get to be one, yknow?

when sudden awakenings happen and you reflect on your past, it's funny to see what you've missed. max would look back and think 'shit, i totally had a crush on shego' or something as she looks back at her cartoon crushes. even super close friendships she had growing up, max will realise 'hey maybe it wasn't het of me that i wanted to impress her that bad' or 'wow, i was really jealous when she got a boyfriend'.

ultimately when max accepts that her identity is actually an exciting thing that she gets to discover about herself, she would adore pride. i think learning about the history, the many struggles it took to get this far, and the support of the community is bolstering for any baby gay. but especially with how sam talks to them about feminism and to be proud to be women, it'd be something max thrives in. figuring out whether she identifies as bi or pan or even a lesbian is something that she knows will come in time - for now, she'll be overwhelmed with the love and support she has from the people around her, and a new community with people just like her. (i think max would find the lesbian flag super pretty)

*insert max doing an 'am i gay quiz' nick from heartstopper-style*

thank you for the ask! i love these ted talks!! people loving these characters gives me so much motivation to write em, seriously.

[self-indulgent-paw-patrol]

Hi!! T'is I, the 'Ryder Parents Are In a Remote Location' Anon!!! First off, I'm happy to hear you liked my theory/headcanon!!! Tbh I also haven't seen Hey Arnold in a WHILE, but it's everything that came to my mind as a comparasion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and ur right is funny to imagine what their reactions will be when they come back and see everything their son has been doing xD. I want to believe they'll be kinda chill w it since it's not like they gave many examples of doing anything else as a profession, it's in their blood or w/e (I do wanna imagine they'll tear Mayor Humdinger a new one tho lol. This dude just made himself 2 v powerful enemies...)

But also!!! I just saw ur post abt how u made the Zuma sticker for telegram and!!! Can I have the transparent imagine pretty please? 👉👈🥺 i wanna make it a sticker on my own messaging app!!

Yeah it could go two ways- and both end up with Humdinger getting the short end of the stick XDDD

One, they'd freak out because they knew Ryder would probably find a way to entertain himself BUT WERE NOT EXPECTING SOMETHING SO FREAKING HUGE WITH WORLDWIDE OPERATIONS. And then they'd be a bit skeptical about the whole thing because they just can't comprehend at first how the heck did Ryder manage to make it all work like that??? But after a few times seeing him and the pups in action and getting updated about all they've done so far, they'd be SO PROUD of their small boy, not so small anymore XD

Two, they'd be shocked at first like "....... Wow?" and then they'd be like "Yeah ok Idk what I was expecting but it makes sense, that's how we raised him anyway" and call it a day XD

NOW I WANT EVERYONE HERE THANKING THIS ANON bc I usually don't do this but now you'll get the good recycle pup with transparent background (with and without white outline). They're 512x512 sized since it's the default for Telegram stickers.

Also I'll be accepting ideas of pups + expressions/emotions to make more of these (just probably won't make all of them). If you use Telegram, here's the link to add the Sticker pack. For now, there's just a few stickers made with screenshots from the show and this one Rocky I drew for my askblog. Btw, mind you, some of them have text in Brazilian Portuguese.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HI. GOOD EVENIBG. WE SHOULD TALK ABT TIDALWAVE!!!! we should talk about tidalwave. im thinking about them so hard & also pingponging btwn nebulous Them Thoughts & nhw virion (trying so hard 2 work on this damn fic!!!)...... we r in the centrifuge together. idk what it is abt sunday nights what do they put in them. anyway. holds microphone up. tidalwave..............

👉 go here. go in the centrifuge.

GOD. man. I'm like. i don't even know what to SAY about them. I'm just Thinking About Them u know?!?!?!?! like. they're in my mind. whats betta than this. guys bein dudes.

idfk I guess I will talk about nhw bc that's the context I've been thinking abt them the most in lately. god. not 2 talk abt my own fic forever and ever but smth that I'm rlly proud of/rlly hits me is like... the Moment where mark realizes the extent of what happened to him? like. he looks down at his hand and realizes he basically just stabbed himself with claws he didn't realize he had and his hand is too big and is scales and the reason he hasn't been able to stand is because he has like 10 lbs of extra tail weight and I think that all hits him like a truck and just. takes the fight out of him for a second . and that's the ONLY reason he lets tide sit him back down and bandage his hand. he doesn't Really need that, the cuts are shallow and by the time he sits down they've stopped bleeding anyway but he still sits through it bc it gives them both something solid and physical to focus on that isn't the billion other terrible things going on. I never think of tidalwave as being soft that feels too out of character for either of them but like. this is the closest they get to that. to me. Just like a second of quiet where . they're not talking about things they should be talking about but there's some sort of physicality nonetheless.... man.

also bc i love 2 talk about the unethical human experimentation. I love love love love giving tide the entire range of reactions to overlords shit. he gets to see Marie who seems to have basically lost all of her humanity and behaves more like an animal. to Marlon who is unresponsive and shut off and needs to be in basically a glorified fish bowl to function. to Ollie who is completely there mentally and very willing to cooperate and seems to be dealing with everything okay... but he can't communicate because of freak bug mouth. and i think he absorbs all of this information and internalizes it and when he looks at mark he can't help but wonder where he falls on that range . Mark doesn't seem like he's lashing out like a scared animal backed into a corner (at least. no more than usual) but the physical changes are There and Obvious and sometimes when he gets worked up his voice sounds like an alligator hissing (these videos are extremely good btw) so it's like.... what else changed. tide doesn't even KNOW about his vision yet. (<< authors note here like. I do think marks mannerisms will be different. not in huge ways. but the sensitivity to cold affects him wayyy more than he lets on. makes it harder to do things. which is not great for a guy who needs to be doing things constantly or else he'll explode! which makes him irritated by things more easily. I feel like he will have more of a tendency to snap at things whereas before he'd be content to just fume about them in silence. like when u see a snake call coiled up with its head back and u know it could either strike really fast or it's just trying to threaten you. or how like alligators seem like they should be really slow but then they can death roll and lunge and snap their heads around really fast. sorry i need 2 make that man animalistic or ill die)

canon tidalwave i need 2 know desperately how they got tides powers back. i know the most likely thing is that like. the depowering was just a mental block tide had to get over . but in my heart they went on a roadtrip. bizly please. i know you said tidalwave would never get married but that's okay they dont have to. they're already divorced. give me the road trip.

[disastercit]

ok complete post of my thoughts and feelings on the episode GO

-why is max here earlier than everyone else 🤨 last time Nikki and Neil showed up late so max being there before them was just natural. did his parents drop him off here at the ass crack of dawn

-lmao that quick little tap of a hug max gave nikki 😭you're not fooling anyone boy 🫵

-neil you KNOW youre not getting science camp

-wow that's two hugs in one episode

-ok so ered being asked to babysit definitely puts the low end of her age range around 14. unless her dads are just wildly irresponsible (not particularly unlikely)

-usually I would guess nikki was freaking out about not changing bc she started her period or something, but she already did in season 3 so idk

-max talking about being completely the same is ironic considering the voice actor change lol

-quartermaster is unknowably old, ok 👍

-speaking of qm, he sure is particularly relevant so far

-mahogany 😏

-cj: its about drive its about power we stay hungry we devour put in the work put in the hours and take what's ours-

-ouh cj I was so right about you

-max talking about his home life??? omg???

-CAMPBELL JUNIOR WE WERE RIGHT

-and he's stoned out of his mind of course

-david is so proud of him 😭😭

-ok so my guess was going in completely the wrong direction, neil doesn't get pierced during the season, he takes the piercing off

-GWEN!!!!

-apparently the clip we saw during the stream was a "next time on" thing, which I guess is a thing we have now

and here's my bingo so far (I haven't made a decision on CJ just yet)

the episode was also technically longer than usual, but not by much so I'm not sure it's gonna be a recurring thing.

[marleysfinest]

i hope that i am not late for the lovefest and even if i am i have snacks and copious amounts of alcohol so PLEASEEEEEEE let me in!!! pelase please oewijaflsijdfasdjf

okay anyway i love that you're doing this to begin with, it speaks to how wonderful you are so let's kick things off with the woman of honor - you!

muva marley, you are one of a kind in the most spectacular of ways. your heart is enormous. i would trust you with my keys, my banking app password, my social security number, my life...anything. you have a heart of solid gold and we are all better because we get to benefit from being around you. seeing the way you love your family, your friends, all the compassion you give, it makes me want to be a better person and i'm sure i'm far from the only one. as beautiful on the inside as you are out. i love you! so much! thank you for being in my life <333

and now i have a few more people i'd like to mention, i apologize for the length of this ask in advance:

@wyvernslovecake - oh cas, your inner light shines so bright. you are hilarious and clever and just an all around outstanding human being and it's my privilege to get to call you a friend. we went from anonymously talking about papa reiner (long may he live....) and grimmjow to now having the friendship we do and i'm so grateful. thank you for the fun! thank you for the laughter!

@sailorspica - we were destined to cross paths and i know it because how else would i find a fellow pisces with the best taste in toxic old men and music both? nowhere but here. it's so fortunate that we met here where we can truly match each other's freak. and as for that houseboat? i think we should. i think we could be like mob and reigen but somehow even better.

@quiveringdeer - nat! you have been with me for the full two years i've been here and while we've both come and gone and had our struggles and triumphs and time off and here both, it's like coming home to get to talk to you when i do. i truly feel rejuvenated even if it's just a short little back and forth about life and whatever. you have the biggest heart and the best vibes and i hope you know that about yourself and believe it.

@bloompompom bloomy wooms where do i begin?!!!!! you are the most beautiful soul! your heart is so big! you are creative and hilarious and so down to earth. you're the person i know i could get coffee but also tell my tragic life story to and be met with empathy and wit and something to carry with me after the convo is over and we've parted ways. you are a star! spectacular! i love you!!!

@ssslime - my home state mate <333 every time i think of you i get this fond little warmth in my chest because you are so good. inside and out, just good to your bones. thank you for being the most honest, kind, and hilarious person out there.

@pavloves-dog - the human equivalent of sunshine to be sure. you are supportive. you are intelligent and so funny and so easy to talk to. you have so much wisdom and im proud of you and proud to know you!!! thank u for being my friend and for being yourself

@p00pdev1l - jazz!!!! you are the best!!! never has a presence been mourned more than when you left and when you returned it was like the gates of heaven opened and granted us an angel again. just a person we should all aspire to be more like because you're grounded and patient and good to everyone and just ugh. thank u!!!! for returning to us

@daryascurse - what if we...held hands and kissed...what then...LSDFLSJDFJSDF but also hiiiii <333 you are awesome. beautiful, bold, talented, gonna change the world and probably pretty effortlessly although your work ethic is also beyond admirable. like idk how i even stumbled upon the luck that gave me the opportunity to have you in my life but i won't complain.

@neiptune - oh v!!!! oh beloved! you have the biggest heart and you do so much just by being yourself. you have a healing presence and i know that's a lot of pressure to have as a person but you wear it well and you are just wonderful. thank you for being in my life <3

@pisspope - genuinely the most clever and creative person i've ever met. you are a riot and i love the way you see the world and other people and i admire it very much. you see everyone for exactly who they are, no projections or frills, and i love love love that. you are awesome.

and finally, my belovedest @blondeboyfriend <333 tbh i don't even think i'd still be part of this community if it weren't for finn. like sometimes in life you meet a person that like completely changes things for you and even if we don't talk every single day, finn is that person for me. i love you and i'm so grateful we exist at the same time and someday we will indeed enjoy our creamsicles together watching a sunset.

okay that's all for me they're playing me off! i love everyone! i love you guys soooo much!!!!

we got KENDY in here with the luv!!!!!!!!!!! I love u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spread the love with muvva's feel good 500!

[bonesandthebees]

im alive (questionable) and im finally back (real) and gods does it feel great to finally read the new rose chapter

I did NOT realise just how MUCH I missed it but DAMN

the crimeboys bonding is going great and theyre doing good in their surviving, im so proud of them

poor phil has to deal with the one thing he cannot control and so he ofc focuses on what he can control, control freak

im enjoying reading about him A LOT, hes so intriguing to me, like yeah so far hes a good character id say, but we get a peak at what he could be capable of and are slowly learning where his priorities and loyalties and limits lie and oh gosh is it fun to watch

and ofc THE BIG MOMENT OF THE CHAPTER: friendly nicknames privileges

and like its a really important and sweet moment in itself and ive been excited for it ever since learning there will be different official names like nikanna and willum and oh did it NOT DISAPPOINT like yesssssss letsgo they are FRIENDS and they let the other call them by their NICKNAMES and it shows how much CLOSER to got and the TRUST and just AHSHSHJSDHBSBSHS YESSSSSSS

and it gets even BETTER bc thats not all, this is a recurring theme with you, whether its a fae name that carries power, a mermaid name that signals family like in last years mermay, knowing a name that reveals the secret identity in superhero aus coming with trust but also responsibility, official and personal names of royals like rose and stars showing friendship or in the other way loss of it, and in glass the reclaiming of self identity thru the reclaiming of name and letting go of a title (which btw the coolest and most genius work with narration ive ever read) you just keep on giving names value in your stories and especially the act of sharing them, the one close to you, with others as a sign of love, even just a little bit and it gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME and the fact its a recurring theme gives it even more meaning, makes it get to me even more

and like its something that happens even in real life in some ways but we often overlook just how much love is hidden in it and I love that it gets to shine like this in your stories

I know we talked about your love for giving names more meaning like this before but I just needed to scream about it again bc IT STILL GETS TO ME

it feels so good to have you back in my inbox (and my ao3 comments) with walls of text like this jiksvokrat

they're doing shockingly well!! shoutout to tommy's survival knowledge wilbur would've been dead by morning without him

I'm so glad you're enjoying the phil pov. I love showing his control issues and how his mind works. he's such a calculating character and I have so much fun writing him

I'm so glad you like my recurring thing with names. I really don't know where it came from, I never had this whole thing with names before I started writing mcyt fic. I think I just really liked it both when I wrote that first fae au fic so many years ago and then when I was writing clinic and there was obviously the whole secret identity thing going on that I just realized I liked the theme and decided to use it where I could.

I just think the act of sharing your name, your identity with someone else can be so vulnerable and full of trust!! I guess this translates to every day stuff as well. like when one of my childhood friends came out as trans to me I felt so happy when she trusted me with her new name and identity (I was one of the first people she came out to). or as a less intense example, part of why I like having an online nickname is that it feels strangely nice to have a name that you guys here can use that's me but also a bit separate from me, but then I have my real name which is reserved for the people I'm closest to (though of course most of my internet friends who know my real name still use bee for me which I don't mind at all). I guess it's kind of like having a public persona vs a private persona. idk, I guess I just really feel the importance of names so I like including it as a theme in my writing.

I'm just very glad you guys aren't getting sick of the whole name giving thing yet lol

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

[muskmelon-enjoyer-199x]

self portrait except it's 2013 and they're making me take antipsychotics for being trans

unpleasantries under the cut

something I don't talk about a lot is that I used to enjoy singing when I was younger. I didn't really talk about it then because I already got enough shit. I don't really talk about it now because I don't really like singing anymore. Anytime I try to sing along with something now, i just get sad. even if I plug my ears, I can still feel it in my throat.

Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if my parents had actually given a shit. The difference between photos of me at 15 and 18 is so stark. They could have done something.

I haven't told them (and I probably won't), but I kind of hate them. It feels stupid sometimes, because I didn't get disowned. They didn't leave me out in the cold when it came to finances or housing. They actually want to see me sometimes, and they say they're proud of my accomplishments.

I guess the problem is that they have never been able to support me emotionally. I tell them something is wrong, and they tell me it isn't. I tell them something horrible is happening to me, and they tell me it's not that bad. I tell them somebody did something horrible to me and now I have weird recurring nightmares, and they tell me to get over it already. I almost died of something that wasn't my fault, and they were mad at me for it.

Being around them usually just feels like being around strangers nowadays. I feel bad saying that, but it's true. I wish they would just apologize so I could have some closure about what happened and get on with trying to maintain what remains of our relationship.

I posted something else about conversion therapy before, but I freaked out and deleted it.

It was about how negligent and malicious misdiagnosis are used to medicate the trans out of kids in places where outright conversion therapy is banned. They basically zombify you on tranquilizers ("mood stabilizers," "antipsychotics") that legit break your brain. It really sucks.

You end up a twitching mess with long-term sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, and trouble organizing your thoughts. Then, once the damage is done, everybody pretends that you actually were insane the whole time. If you complain or struggle in life, they just write you off as a diagnosed headcase.

It's so frustrating. I feel like I drift between being sad and angry all the time now. I watch shows I like, and they make me sad. I just think about various bad things that have happened all the time. Everything reminds me of them. I can't go a day without thinking about at least one of them. When it happens, my heart starts pounding and sometimes I hyperventilate.

I don't really like being around other people usually. I don't feel like we are the same species most of the time.

I keep feeling like im watching my day go by from inside my eyes. When I look at my hands, it's like looking at someone else's hands. Sometimes I look in the mirror and it feels like I'm looking at someone else. I've watched my reflection for hours before, trying to make it feel like me the way I rationally know it's me.

I cry in my car after work a lot. It's hard to hold it in when I'm there. Idk. It's like I can't usually cry at appropriate times anymore, or when I feel like I want to cry. It only happens occasionally, and never at an appropriate time. It just comes out of nowhere, because of a song or something dumb like that.

crybaby bullshit. Sorry. I was a crybaby before lil peep got it inked on his face