#Idiots of the occult

[unity-of-clarity-and-emptiness]

Cringe Satanists and Luciferians

Using Satanism of Luciferianism to justify terrible, absolutely horrible actions just because you are some incel is the furthest from what Luciferianism and Satanism is supposed to be about.

Just because you are not able to comprehend the meanings from certain books and religious texts, does not mean you can project your own insecurities unto them. Stay the fuck away from our communities, you are not wanted here.

May you forever be denied apotheosis, Gnosis or the love of the entity you claim to worship.

Ave Lucifer!

[420cuntdracula6669]

Permission to serve cunt, sir

[queenofthedork]

CAS Shenanigans (aka me wanting to make a sim to mess around with these poses by @j3lly-fish)

After getting kicked from the band that THEY started, Kit has had to work their way up from the bottom again as a solo artist - every new song release showcasing just how petty they can be.

[bizarre-brew]

Imp woke up not feeling well so he spent most of the day napping and trying to get some fresh air. He did find a cool book though.

[spookcataloger]

Anon sold his soul for love (2020)

[that1notetaker]

I am edging on three different hyperfixations at the same time. This blog might about become an egg salad yet.

[5-htagonist]

fuck homestuck for ruing my stupid brain. fuck detective pony too.

[unashamedly-ineffable]

A few years ago they had 10,000 demons ready to fight at Armageddon

Now they can barely scrounge up 70 to accomplish the Prince of Hell's number one objective

Beelzebub tells everyone in the Bookshop that Hell is understaffed

Wwwwwwhhyyy?? What happened? Where did they all go!?

[yakny]

they are in my heart always ( ☆ ´⌓` ☆ )ブ♥

[denaphoenix]

Ok, all of the above is SO right, and Aziraphale really does feel VERY punchable at the moment, because, really, he should know better by now. He really should. But, hot take incoming, Crowley is just as much to blame for that as Aziraphale is.

Because, yes, Aziraphale is continuously stuck in a racist mindset, and fails time and time again to separate the institution of hell with someone who so objectively does not deserve to be lumped in with the bunch, BUT we really like to gloss over the fact that it is Crowley who very much (and definitely inadvertently) perpetuates that.

Because Crowley CONTINUOUSLY calls Aziraphale "Angel".

He doesn't use his name, he doesn't use any other affectionate nickname, he uses "Angel". And because WE are human, and have been brought up as humans, we read it as loving, affectionate, and positive. We hear Crowley say Angel, we see him making heart eyes, and it is clear to us that there is not one thought going into the original meaning of the word when it is being applied to Aziraphale.

But they both are not human. They ARE an angel - and a demon.

And while Crowley has spent 6000 years questioning the system, and detaching himself from it as far as humanly (deliberate word choice) possible, Aziraphale has spent the last 6000 years fighting heavy amounts of Crowley-induced cognitive dissonance.

Aziraphale has been struggling with the idea of good and evil, right and wrong, for millennia, and has only reached the point where MAYBE a demon could do nice things sometimes in shockingly recent times. Aziraphale doesn't understand nuance. He can't understand nuance, lest his entire worldview crumbles. And so the emotionally charged "Angel", that has subtly warped beyond recognition in Crowley's ever-adapting mind, has stayed the rigid black-and-white description in Aziraphale's.

When Crowley calls Aziraphale "Angel" ("He's far too pure of heart to be anybody's bit on the side"), Aziraphale hears "Angel" ("I am an angel, YOU are a demon. We're hereditary enemies.")

Nobody's to blame for that. It's a symptom of who they are.

But what Crowley means to be affectionate, Aziraphale understands as being reduced to his job title. He IS an angel, and so calling him that is not a comparison with the divine, it is not intrinsically elevating him. It is grouping him in with the other angels. The angels who drowned humanity with a flood, the angels who would have been fine with killing children as long as they didn't have to do it themselves. And Crowley even used to use the word like that. Calling Aziraphale "Angel" mockingly, accusingly even. Aziraphale is not a mind reader, For God's... for Satan's... for anybody's sake! How should he know that Crowley calling him Angel has lost any connection with the way Aziraphale understands the word centuries ago?

And still, I bet Crowley would be SHOCKED to realize that Aziraphale doesn't understand that. But it is a sad fact that what Aziraphale hears when Crowley is making heart eyes and calling him pet names is that they are different. Can we really blame him for "returning the sentiment" and grouping him back in with hell in return?

Something about how Aziraphale still draws this hard, hard line between ‘heaven good hell bad’. Meanwhile the angels are only ‘good’ because default, and following rules, which they never ever question. They let horrible things happen to Job. Their response to humans at the store is pillars of salt. Their only concern at the end is ‘are we in trouble’.

Something about how Crowley saves goats, and kids, and random bystanders, and Aziraphale, and books, not because some rules tell him, but because he knows the alternative is bad. How he tells Wee Morag ‘be good. Not just *pretend* good. But proper good.’ How he is kind, to people, but even to Muriel, who is an angel, how he is even kind to Gabriel in the end, Gabriel! He brings the man a hot chocolate!!

Something about how he constantly deflects being called nice, and kind. But he’s slipping. He’s giving up on denying.

Something about Aziraphale going ‘you’re the bad ones’, lumping Crowley in with the lot of them.

… Aziraphale I love you but I wanted to punch you with a fire extinguisher.

[vaultsixtynine]

sunder, grieving her life misspent and her love thrown away for the pursuit of false power, angry down to her marrow at both herself and the false prophet she knew was false and upheld anyway, holding onto what's left of her fractured self with deepest gouges from her bleeding hands: [invents eora's first cognitohazard]

wael: omg. cute [twirls tentacle]

[420cuntdracula6669]

Dracula lookin ass bitch

[iamumbra195]

School Bus Graveyard incorrect quotes because I'm bored

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Taylor: Look how creepy it is looking down this hallway.

Ashlyn: I'm gonna get vertigo.

Aiden: I'm a Virgo!

Tyler, deadpan: No, you're a virgin.

...

Aiden: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Tyler: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Aiden: I’m leaving you, and I��M TAKING ASHLYN WITH ME

Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

...

Taylor: Why is Tyler so upset?

Logan: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Taylor: And...?

Logan: He got Aiden.

...

Ashlyn: What did you do with the phantom's body?

Aiden: What didn’t I do with the body?

Everyone:

Aiden: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the phantom respectfully.

...

Aiden: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Logan: Aiden, no.

Ben, with text to speech: Mistlefoe.

Logan: Please stop encouraging him.

...

Taylor: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Tyler: You’re a hazard to society

Aiden: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

...

Emma, trying to be nice to Ashlyn's new friends: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Mike, excited for his daughter: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

...

Logan: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Ben: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Aiden: Smad.

...

Ashlyn: Why are you on the floor?

Aiden: I'm depressed.

Aiden: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ben, please.

...

Taylor: Aiden and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Ashlyn, sighing: What did he do?

Taylor: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Aiden: Who wants a steering wheel?

...

Aiden: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Logan: How am I supposed to know?

Tyler: You say that as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Logan: ...You wouldn't be trapped.

...

Ashlyn: Tyler, keep an eye on Aiden today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Tyler: Sure, I’d love to see him get punched.

Ashlyn: Try again.

Tyler, sighing: I will stop Aiden from getting punched.

...

Aiden, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Tyler: You did WHAT–

Ben: William Snakespeare

...

Ashlyn: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Taylor: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Ashlyn: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Aiden: edible

...

Taylor, whispering to Aiden, who’s on the phone with Ashlyn: Ask her something!

Aiden: How are you feeling?

Ashlyn: Fine.

Taylor: Something personal!

Aiden: At what age did you start hearing voices?

...

Aiden: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Logan: If?

Tyler: Great, the only party I’d actually go to and he might not even die.

...

Logan: We need a distraction.

Ashlyn: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Aiden, whispering: My time has come

...

Tyler: Where are you going?

Taylor: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Tyler: I'll come with

...

Mike, buying a whole bag of knives, guns and other weapons like he's going to war on a random Tuesday: I can explain

Jacob (shop owner): Can you?

Mike: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

...

Taylor: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food colouring, it will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food colouring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food colouring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.

Tyler, sighing: What did you do?

Taylor, wailing: A MISTAKE

...

Mr. Thomas: What are your goals?

Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs.

Mr. Thomas: No, I meant your goals for this trip.

Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs in Savannah.

...

Logan: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Ashlyn: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?

...

Taylor: Aiden isn’t answering their phone

Ashlyn: I’ll call

Taylor: Ben and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Aiden: Hello?

...

Aiden: I was arrested for being too cool.

Tyler: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

...

Aiden: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much

Taylor: You’ve been to jail?

Aiden: Once. In Monopoly.

...

Mike: You love me, right?

Emma: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

...

Aiden: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Ashlyn: Okay

Aiden: And make out during the scary parts.

Ashlyn: The-

Ashlyn: The scary parts?

Ashlyn: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

...

Ashlyn: How petty can you get?

Tyler: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Taylor: I KNEW IT-

...

Aiden: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Logan: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

...

Mike: So what’s for dinner?

Emma, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

That's all for today!

[bearforcecaptions]

The spell worked, sort of, but not how I wanted. I did have the body of my dreams – I was Garrett now, but I didn’t realize the catch was that I wouldn’t be able to control what I’m doing unless I’m totally alone. And Garrett, or, me, I guess – I’m nearly never alone! The frat house pretty much always has someone in it, and I’m super popular, too. I thought being Garrett would be fun and easy, but stuck like this, it’s torture!

I figured out the ritual from this old book I found at that occult shop downtown, thinking it would be a quick way out of my boring life and into something… well, something way more interesting. Garrett had it all, or so I thought. Girls loved him, he was in the best shape, and everyone wanted to be his friend. But nobody told me about this weird restriction, or maybe I just didn’t read that part carefully enough. I guess the idea was I’d “experience” Garrett’s life, but it’s like watching a movie, except I’m the star and I can only move on my own terms when no one else is around.

And god, my roommate, he’s actually so stupid. When I can’t control my actions, we bro out all the time, but he’s so vapid. I guess I’m not much better, but it’s actually infuriating. You’d think we could have a conversation that’s not about girls, parties, sports, or video games. But no, every time he starts talking, it’s like Garrett’s body just falls right into the rhythm of it, responding automatically. I tried fighting it at first, but it’s like this autopilot takes over, and I’m just... stuck.

I’ve been scouring the room whenever I get a chance to control things, like right now, looking for any sign or clue on how to undo this. There has to be something I missed. I rummaged through his messy closet, which is packed with clothes, gym stuff, and random junk, none of it useful. The guy keeps his stuff in total chaos, and I feel weirdly exposed, like I’m actually pawing through my own things.

Shit, no, is that the door jangling? I thought I would have a couple of hours to try and figure out how to fix this. Who the hell knows when I’ll get another chan-

Fuuck, bro. Why’s my roomie home early? Thought he went to his ‘rents for the weekend. I was just about to jerk one out too. Ah well, maybe he’ll be down for some Call of Duty or something. I could use a beer.

“Yo, dude, what’s up? You back already?” I say, grinning like an idiot as I lean against the door frame, flexing a bit without even realizing it. Dude probably thinks I’m just chillin’, but nah, I’m feelin' like a boss.

He laughs, dropping his bag by the door and shrugging. “Yeah, man, got bored at home. Figured I’d head back early. Parents were driving me nuts.”

“Oh, for sure, dude,” I nod, grabbing a can of beer from the mini-fridge by my bed. “Parents, am I right? They just don’t get it, bro.” I crack it open, chugging half of it in one go, feeling the cool rush. Damn, that’s good.

He slaps my shoulder, laughing. “Dude, I swear, it’s like every time I go back, it’s the same speech about responsibility and blah blah blah. Like, whatever, right?”

“Oh, totally, man,” I laugh, shrugging it off. “Why they gotta be like that, y’know? We’re just out here living, they don’t get it.” I toss him a beer, feeling that chill vibe kickin’ in, like nothing in the world matters but just hanging with my bro. This is what it’s all about – no worries, no drama, just cold beers and good times.

“Bro, I’m feelin’ a COD sesh,” I say, grabbing the controller off the couch. “You down?”

He grins. “Hell yeah, let’s wreck some noobs.”

We crash down on the couch, controllers in hand, beers in easy reach, and it’s like all the worries in the world just melt away. I’m trash-talkin’, throwin’ down taunts, and we’re both laughing so hard my sides hurt. I don’t even remember the last time I felt this alive.

“You’re so bad, dude,” I laugh, jabbing him in the ribs as I get another kill. “How are you still this bad?”

“Shut up, bro!” he shoves me back, laughing too, and I’m grinning like an idiot.

Fuck, life is good, I think, as I take a gulp of my beer. I got my bros, I got my beer, and I got my games. What more does a dude need? Life’s good.

[thebramblewood]

A Very Vampiric Dinner Date, Part 2/3

Previous / Next

Featuring Seth and Morana by @bloomingkyras, Bria, Christoph and Daniella by @ruthplaysthesims, Madeleine by @plasmafruittree, Fawzia by @simvanie, Tiberius by @someone-elsa, and Annika by me!

With special appearances by Erwin Pries, Cassandra Goth, Don Lothario, Johnny Zest, and Gunther Munch! Thanks to everyone in the community who offered suggestions. (And as a big fan of @gunthermunch's Lilith/Gunther pairing, I had to make their paths cross in my own way!)

Helena: That… was… incredible.

Lilith: I told you it would be. And now for the main course. Don’t worry. They’re all volunteers, I promise. They’re required to sign consent forms and everything. We’ve got all sorts to choose from — conspiracy nuts… occult enthusiasts… fetishists… burnouts… and adorably pitiful idiots.

Helena: Wait a minute. I think I went to high school with that g-

Lilith: Focus, Helena! If they’d prefer, we can make them forget they were ever even here — though some of them do like to remember.

Helena: [nervously] But they’ll live?

Lilith: Regrettably, vampire business owners are not above the law. If anyone died, they’d have blood on their hands too, and they wouldn’t hesitate to tear you limb from limb for inconveniencing them with all that red tape. They fatten us up on appetizers so we pose less of a risk.

Helena: Caleb?

Caleb: [reluctantly] If you’re going to drink from humans, this is the safest way to do it.

Helena: But you won’t?

Caleb: Abstaining is my decision, but you have to make your own. No one should pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.

Helena: [meekly] I think I want to try.

Lilith: Good. I booked us a private room — in case you’re feeling shy about feeding in public.

Caleb: Well, this seems like my cue to leave.

[woodland-gremlin]

Summoning Your Secret Boyfriend Pt. 1

Please check out Time Zone AU Summary and Fruitloops for context.

Red Robin knows John Constintene for many things. As a lead consultant for the occult. A member of the Justice League: Dark.The Laughing Magician. Hellblazer. A con man, sad trench coat man, and, as Danny likes to call him, a soul whore. He never thought he would have to add idiot to that list. Though with how many demons he pisses off on a daily basis maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Pariah Dark?” asked Superdouche.

Constantine nodded grimly.

“He is our only bet at this point. As the High King of the Infinite Realms he holds jurisdiction over Trigon and even if Trigon doesn’t listen Pariah is strong enough to defeat him. The problem with that though is that we would just be trading one bastard for another,” the occult magician explained.

“Explain,” Batman growled out.

“He was a tyrant,” Supernova, previously known as Superboy, piped in.

Before the Dark Knight could demand further explanation or Supernova's template could say something demeaning, Constantine cut in.

“What do you mean ‘was’? I highly doubt that the all powerful tyrant suddenly decided to turn over a new leaf and stop conquering worlds and eating souls.”

Red Robin’s handsome, yet oblivious, boyfriend did not sense the danger of the question and answered, “He didn’t, he just isn’t the King anymore.”

The con man opened his mouth, looking like he was losing his mind, before just shutting his mouth and contemplated how his life got to this point. He was just fine conning demons, detective work for the occult, and doing the occasional good deed, but no,  he just had to get involved with the League of Goody-Two-Shoes who have no idea how to handle the supernatural. He was getting flashbacks to the time he realized that the Bats had no idea that they had a city spirit watching over them (he refuses to be the one to explain that to them). Or having to deal with the Flashes saying that magic wasn’t real. He wasn’t paid enough for the shit the League puts him through.

To be continued . . .

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