#IVE BEEN ON THIS SINCE DAY ONE OK-
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i call this one: Deconstructed Franklydear
#*slamming my fists on the table* SUNFLOWERS AND HYACINTHS#IM RIGHT!!! I SWEAR IM RIGHT!!!!#IM FUCKIGN RIGHT-#man. manmanman im unwell#nothing makes me more unwell than flower symbolism & specific flowers attached to characters#POINTING FRANTICALLY AT THE currently nonexistent MAP!!! THEYRE ON THERE!!! IM! RIGHT!#hyacinths outside the post office & sunflowers outside of franks house!!!!!#IVE BEEN ON THIS SINCE DAY ONE OK-#no no no im normal. im normal.#scribble salad#franklydear#gggghhhhhhhhhhh they make me unwell. oh theyre gonna get so fucked up#its gonna go so badly (said with utter glee)
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Snap: *draws a Megaman-inspired Magneto*
Me: ...Perfect modernization.
wait now that its not 3AM i can do you one Slightly better
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#this is legitimately the most self indulgent thing ever ive been wanting to draw magneto like a robot master for months vjAELKJAE#i thought about adding the little 'ears' robot masters/reploids have but not this time#whats funny is that during my initial redesigning i WANTED to pay homage to erik's trench coat look buuuutt i couldnt figure how#so thank you sigma for. letting me steal your shit vjELKAEJ#i havent drawn megaman characters in like. years good lord- whats funny is that magnetman Was one of my faves to draw#which doesnt mean much since i loved drawing pretty much all the robot masters equally LMAOOO#i remember some freak got pressed at me for doodling metalman during class once like dawg what is your problem#bruv leave me ALONE let me draw you are not my mom#anyway. as i said last night i dont have my usual evening class so i figured id fill the time doodlin these#they didnt take long- i think thats why i like drawing This magneto outfit so much#reminds me of my megaman doodlin days ... also it's genuinely just quick as hell WHICH. makes sense#all that done im done megaman-inspired posting thank you for the opportunity anon im glad you appreciated it :]]#im gonna go eat now my tummy rumblin. theeeeeeen i guess ill drive home ???? i guess.#it's almost saturday so that means i get to post more asks- ive been hoarding them throughout the week#so i apologize if some people have been waitin i PROMISE i havent been ignoring i just wanna draw somethin for it </3#ok im eating now BYYYYYYEEE
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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take two of yesterdays little doodle, using the ref this time
#flight rising#flight rising art#flight rising gaoler#gaoler dragon#fr gaoler#hes one of my sonas 👍#yew art#dragons#its not the most splendid drawing because ive been up since pretty early in the morning#but i had fun with it and thats what matters#my passion in life is making dragons way too fluffy#still pretty scribbly but thats ok i draw for fun#im trying to expand my lair rn but im short like 85k (dies)#gotta make that in like 6 days cause i have nests incubating lol#i know eggs dont rot and you can keep them in the nest as long as you want#but i want to see my special babies as soon as i can#i love seeing the new babies its my favorite part of the game tbh#im slooowly figuring out genes and keeping them in my memory#also if anyone wants to be flight rising friends my username is yellowflowerzzz#ive only been on it a few weeks so i dont have much experience at all and im mostly fumbling around doing my daily tasks#but my lair is huge now bc when i was newer a few incredibly kind people sent me a bunch of treasure#which still makes me tear up strangers can be so so so so kind i love the world sometimes
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punk yuuji wip
#he’s been haunting my dreams#punk yuuji i LOVE YOU#i also have another but it wont see the light of day for a While since it’s all weird looking and i cant place exactly why#i think ive got a case of severe ‘hate my artstyle’#hopefully it’ll pass but for now little sketch#and if someone’s artsy please tell me how the fuck i could colour this so that it doesnt look shit#ive attempted a few times and it is BAD#ok jesus logging off why tf do i always put in one million billion tags SHUT UPPPP#yuuji itadori#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#itadori yuji#yuji#yuuji#itadori#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen fanart#punk yuuji#my fanart
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"forever is a bad dad to richa-" SHUT UP!!!!!
#qsmp#qsmp forever#qsmp richarlyson#id also add in the book he wrote for the egg museum where he talked again about forever being the one who took care of him the most#but i dont have the patience to find it in vods to screenshot it#also sorry but. some people on twitter have been stressing me out A LOT over their opinions on their relationship#ive literally been stressing about it since i woke up i needed to release this stress somehow#< also im thinking of doing a long post talk about what their relationship is and isnt#bc whenever theres angst/fight between them people take it as an opportunity to mischaracterize BOTH forever and richas#in a way that makes it clear that the person 1. doesnt keep up with forevers pov#and 2. only knows richas through one pov#like. ok#disagree with forever however you want youre free to do that#i myself think he was in the wrong in multiple situations (like the tallulah fight day)#BUT SURPRISE!! SAYING HES A BAD DAD IS LITERALLY SO WRONG!!#PEOPLE CAN MESS UP!! PEOPLE CAN MAKE MISTAKE!! NO ONE IS A PERFECT PARENT!!#NO ONE ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO BE THE PERFECT DAD AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS BEING A PERFECT DAD!!#PARENTHOOD IS SOMETHING YOU LEARN ALONG THE WAY!!!#AND LEARNING HOW TO BE A DAD IS A CORE TRAIT OF FOREVERS CHARACTER SINCE DAY ONE!!!!!!!#saying hes a bad dad literally goes against canon statements from richas#saying richas is uncomfortable with forever goes against canon#“oh but i mean in the emotional way” ok so you never watched a forever stream before#because when they fight. richas ALWAYS opens up to forever later on how he felt#the fights HAPPEN because richas is comfortable making drama in front of forever#if richas' didnt feel comfortable he would literally just “suck up” his jealously and not show it often but he does shows it often#if richas was uncomfortable after fights he would just apologize and never talk about his feelings#but after the tallulah fight? he told forever about how romero richas affects his body and how he feels#after the armor fight? he told forever about how he felt towards his own life#to which btw BOTH of these times where he opened up#he had never talked about that with anyone before
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#gnnn ^_^#reblog locked bc its wip#a doodley#i need to get better at that rib flare#also i dont think his face is super accurate here but im jst messin around and also i hate i felt i had to clarify that ykwim#like who caresss if he's Off im still learning to draw (him) and one drawing doesnt define me or him etc but idk. idk! idk#ill get better...#thje funny thing about this doodle is im freaking out bc my wrist hurts a bit and i was struggling to draw ppl again#after a few days of Blobbish Furs#so forced self to churn this out before sleeps like oh ok maybe it is just the pain thats affecting me (wrist now hurts a bit more)#ever since that one those feratu doodle ive been trying to give him more like. sinking sagging jowls (?)#as contrast to the bone landmark of his chin#i also have to give him more neck fat/loose skin there ykwim#but also have to learn to draw necks. lol.#ok ill fix dis later im so tired
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it looks like i’ve fallen in love with myself out of all the characters so far (???!!!!! : o)
#zevie plays hsr#am i my own favorite character is this what’s happening ?????#everyone in the game is so pretty#i am so pretty#NO BUT SOME OF MY OWN DIALOGUE OPTIONS MAKE ME BLUSHSHSMMM#OK THIS LAST UPDATE OF THE DAY IVE BEEN SPAMMING A LOT#this side quest btw#the boss has 2 lives (i hate him for that)#i got to 11% on the second life and then died#so ii gave up#and you know what#i even googled a play through to copy#THESE PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY CHARACTERS#EVEN THE F2P ONES IM LIKE WHO IS THAT WHY DO U HAVE HER AND NOT ME#im not far enough in the story probably :((( (jealousy)#(green with jealousy)#ill be back here u poop boss i hate u sooo much u suckkkk#u get two lives and not me why’s that ??????? i don’t like that boss#i mean yes it’s a 4v1 BUT ALSO HE SUMMONS STUFF WHEN U TOUCH HIM#LIKE WTF#SJSNSNN#all /lh /nm#also i said this in a server but#wriothesley & cyno & alhaitham r not in hsr ?? 😃😃 SINCE WHEN#BECAUSE I FOUND OUT TODAY#I WAS LITERALLY EXCITED TO MEET THEM#AND WHAT IS WUTHERING WAVES
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Hello hi. Will LaughingStock and/or PopStar appear in the Lights Out au?
Also also: ⭐️
allow me to provide Over Explanation for this supposedly simple yes/no answer. technically, yes! however
the au is structured into four main chunks - Acts, if you will. we've got Act One, which is the story i've shared bits and pieces of with you all. it's the main body of the au, the "in the dark" part. the Only romantic relationship progression / development (beyond little blink-and-you'll-miss-it hints) is FranklyDear.
Act Two begins with Sally waking up, and there's a whole... thing for that, where everything falls apart in an entirely new and way more sad way! Act Three and Four are the "aftermath" of the au - in a sense.
like - if i were to write a fic, the main one would be Act One + (maybe) Two, though that one might need it's own - shorter - fic. then Act Four would be the immediate squeakual. Act Three could be just an extra fun addition, cause it wouldn't be strictly necessary or overtly Vital due to Act Four's needs. it's more of a... uh... ~Behind the Scenes~ thing.
ALL THIS TO SAY! Popstar would become a thing either in Act Two or Act Three, but Laughingstock would solidify well into Act Four.
#I HAVE VERY GOOD REASONS AS TO WHY LAUGHINGSTOCK TAKES SO DAMN LONG I PROMMY#but popstar. popstar can take center-stage first#especially since Act Two would be Sally-Centric#i think one would be for frank#two is for sally#three is broken up between povs#four would be... uh.... frank again.... maybe wally too?#but wally's would come Later. OH yeah ok i could dole out povs between the two of them#shit but i also have ideas for like... barnaby.... and that thing for sally... and -#ok i think act four would start out frank-centric and slowly include other povs#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#ive been reworking the aftermath after an Epiphany i had the other day#its gotten more complicated but in an easier way? somehow?#this au still has a ways to go before it'd be Fic-Ready though#i need to streamline and tweak and implement....#in fact i think i will go have a Thinking Session rn#pulling up the doc for it <3
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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What if Gotenks lived with his dad Vegito but on weekends he lived with his other dad Gogeta but this is sort of a recent thing becasue Gogeta didnt secure split custody until recently so Gotenks doesnt really Know Gogeta that well and he goes to his modest and hearthlike apartment and feels disquieted becasue it is VERY DIFFERENT from the sensory-overload distraction-chamber that is Vegito's lavish house. And Gogeta doesnt narcissistically abuse Gotenks so Gotenks doesnt relaly understand him at all and he really doesnt get how an adult could be so calm and not get angry and yell at him over little things and so he thinks that Gogeta is actually just really furious but hiding it and so it takes a long time for Gotenks to trust him and trust that he genuinely isnt mad at him. But at the same time it doesnt take long at all for Gotenks to respond to his genuine calmness by feeling the most secure & safe that hes ever felt but he doesnt really understand that or why that is and he doesnt understand why he feels so yucky when he has to go back to his other home on Monday morning and so he just ignores it and plays iPad and skateboards. And every Friday night he gets so nervous he gets nauseous and Vegito always uses this to say "You dont have to go over there sweetie :) Do you want to? You Do Not Have To Want To" and then he yells at Gogeta over the phone about it. But without fail every time he gets to Gogeta's apartment and adjusts Gotenks does feel better and sometimes just falls asleep on the couch. And Gogeta makes tea every evening and it's sooooo yucky to Gotenks but he still drinks it every time becasue Gogeta made it and he deosnt have the maturity & wherewithal to understand that it's becasue it makes him feel included and cared for.
This isn't dragon ball any more not even close like not even a little bit
#PEOPLE WILL DO THIS WITH THE FUSIONS IVE BEEN OBSERVING THIS SINCE DAY 1#Youd think that since they are two characters merged that you would have Twice the constraints when it comes to personal catharsis#BUT NO.. Ppl see these NECESSARILY EPHEMERAL FUSIONS and go ''Oh it's free real estate.''#And they bend the laws of canon into any which way .#Dissociated and fragmented bitches love Vegito especially i see it over and over and over ?#It's the Forced Unity and enviornment of an inharmonious collaboration i think . That is implicit .#I have 100 thoughts on this but I WILL SPEAK NO FURTHER....#ok maybe i will. Like for me i have persistently and subconsciously read gotenks as a (sexually) traumitized child and#Gogeta as the best father in the world bc of his utter humility and strength of tolerance and#Vegito as a grandiose narcissist.#BUT LIKE GIRL WHAT IS THAT ? THATS NOT DRAGON BALL . !#The subconscious WILL have its self-expression THIS I KNOW. It WILL Tell You What It Needs IF YOU JUST LISTEN ...#and even if you dont listen it will come out from under you.#I used to observe the way others work w the fusions and draw thwm interacting and wearing outfits and shit and i was like#GIRL WHAT .... And Then one day i put Gotenks on a skateboard and That was it for me.#well anyway. Happy april fools day everypony but i am not lying#dballz posting
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#i am highkey full of fear but i didnt wanna scare you guys so. we stay sily hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha im so scared#long story short my dad lives in florida. on the west coast. thats all i have to say#ok wow as im making this post my mom calls and says she's going back home too. ok ok ok ok ok#on one hand im so relieved theyll have each other but im also even more scared for both of them#like they stayed thru ian last year which was a FIVE and there was just damage to the house outside#i feel like ive been crying since last night. the moment she told me she was going back to florida i broke down. i just#i feel so selfish for being in hysterics when im not even in harms way but gghhh. gjgjghghghghghghhgghhghg#i need to go back to sleep but i cant stop thinkinnnnngggg i cant stop thinking ugh uuuugggghhhhh#im sorry i probably shouldnt even be posting this but i just had to vent i feel like im losing it#ffffffffffff ok gonna eat something and then sleep bye bye love y9u bye#i might... not post for a few days. but ill be around. bye love u bye#delete later#vent
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a delete later wip so im turning off reblogs but yay my turn for a scene redraw
#minhmy rambles#going to rly ramble in the tags now so like ignore all of this#im going to delete it anyways i needed to ramble somewhere that isnt my twitter circle#more rambly tags just to rly shove it all down#and theennnn ine more#ok. so. i think work is rly killing me lol working every day is really taking a toll on me and i cannot draw and write as much as i want to#while also keeping up my social life and Also making sure i get some alone time too#its so hard its sooooo so hard to keep my spirits up im so tired all the time#and its not like i have a choice i have to work every day because no one else can cover my shift and its been like this since may#like ive only had 4 days off since then.#im getting another day off next week for grandfest bc i need it#and im getting a weekend in october but i don't think i can get any other days off in the year#ughghhhh my job is so easy literally i draw all the time right thats why most of my art is traditional bc im drawing at work#i can just sit at my desk and be on my phone if there's nothing to do its literally the easiest $19/h of my life#so i wouldn't trade it for the world but god i keep making mistakes bc i just havent had much of a break#ughghhh my mental state would be so much worse if i wasn't taking magnesium too#its just. raghghghh#you know? just like that#i can get through it. i am just struggling the tiniest bit
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counting today as a small win bc it’s the most i’ve written in a while 🥺
#thank you for entertaining me with my ask game!! it’s been fun writing up these ideas without the pressures of it being a full fic 🥺#i still cant believe i wrote a nanami one and a megumi one and a kita one all in one day akxndjxn#esp since ive never written royalty aus before!! and ive also never written kita before 😭#i have a few more asks in my inbox that im still thinking on how to do but they’re interesting !!!#OH AND I FINISHED THE MUSCLE TEE IWAIZUMI DRABBLEJAJXJKSBXJS#omg ive just been writing and writing 😭😭😭#i talked so much again#ok this is actually enugh yapping for me today
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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