#ITS UNFAIR TO ME PERSONALLY
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jumpy & siggy. for my mental health
#my art#i beat vlr the other day and im Normal#<- lying#virtues last reward#9 hours 9 persons 9 doors#junpei#sigma klim#vlr#ze 999#i think its unfair that both of the protags for 999 and vlr are so cute#like hello. i stared at junpei for too long the other day and now i have stupid ass feelings#and sigma. well#hes hot and its frankly not fair#that should be me
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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I love how one line tore this fandom apart from it's handsewn stitches that were covering piles of patches of this old holed fabric and just made a gigantic fucking tear right in the middle of it
"Honey I'm home"
Yeah, I'm freaking out, it's very cute, I love it, but lmfao
No I am too tired to process emotion so I am not physically freaking out but it's still dope as shit
#i just saw a post where someone spammed honey im home over a post of another person doing the exact same thing#tbff same#but its still funny#damijon#jon kent#damian wayne#supersons#batman#Robin#i refuse to call jon superboy because i think its unfair with kon#i love them so much but i cant write jon for shit so canon has to cover my fanfiction needs and holly fuck it's doing it#honey im home#honey im fucking home#fuck#enough#i am tired#feeling like tim rn#someone knock me out cold so i can sleep
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i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.
#im not saying astrology/tarot/crystals/etc. get clowned on so much bc theyre hobbies mostly enjoyed by women But....#i saw a post about some astrology study and made the mistake of opening the notes on that bad boy#not fun. and that reminded me of that old post that was basically like ''liking astrology is transphobic''#anyways idk maybe its just that my bestie is very much a ''crystal girl'' but like. stuff like that are such neat hobbies#she makes some cute little jars with pretty rocks and they make her feel better bc if you believe in something you can make it happen#when it comes to small things#like yeah if you pick up a stone that's like ''this can help you be more open with your emotions'' and you are like ''oh hell yea!''#ofc that will be on your mind and the item will be a constant reminder and actually help you with your goals#and its like. ok what really stuck with me was when i was talking with my bff and i was like ''i think all this stuff is interesting but i#feel bad bc i am superstitious and believe in some signs like lucky numbers but i know that logically its just. if i pick a lucky number of#i pay extra attention to it but i want to believe its lucky but i know how human brains work in that aspect''#and she was just like. ''so? those things dont have to exclude each other'' and it clicked#if i have a little tigers eye with me it does not make me feel more grounded magically#but if i decide (or believe) it's grounding then it will b bc it's a reminder for me to calm down#and stuff#like. ah idk how to put my thoughts into words#but i just think its unfair that a few rotten apples have ruined the perception of fun hobbies for a lot#not every astrology enjoyer is trying to sell you mlm essential oils or genuinely believe peoples entire lives are dictated upon the stars#or something#idk i just feel like these things are v misunderstood even tho im not personally like super into them myself#but ppl super mean about that stuff arent invited to look at my medieval themed fortune telling cards#idkk im sleepy and cant articulate my points someone else say this but better#leevi talks#im just saying. i dont think its bioessentialism to decide to believe you personally have a season for growth when the stars are in a#certain position or whatever
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not gonna lie i loooooove all the different flavors of guilt that gunter would have if he gets romantically/sexually involved with corrin.
off the top of my head you've got a choice of:
* guilt over the obvious age difference and yeah, i'm gonna say it: him raising corrin as a father figure (corrin's line lol). it's not *not* a skeevy look. even if they start their relationship years after the game events (doubtful, with his age). personally love how their S-support indirectly acknowledges this with him dancing around a way of getting her to reject him without either one of them acknowledging that he has feelings for her in the first place. mind games right from the start!!! (fuckin. hilariously backfired on the old man when he realizes corrin's even more thirsty for him.)
* sort of related with the above re: the mentor/mentee power differential guilt at bare minimum. this one kind of lessens as corrin grows into the authority of a royal, but it's pretty obvious she still has a authorital respect towards him in every route. i know for sure he'd have occasional pangs of guilt as to if he's taking advantage of her trust there.
* garon's "father""" connection with corrin. >:)c and just. holy fuck the potent hatred gunter has against garon and it bleeding out on corrin in the bedroom. him wanting to possessively mark corrin-as-garon's-heir as his (-and then him having the understandable horror/guilt over that.)
* (conquest-specific) guilt over not telling corrin about his late wife and all the skeletons that would dredge up. i honestly headcanon that in cq he never mentions his history to corrin just to let sleeping dogs lie and avoid painful questions, but it forever remains a kind of albatross around his neck. that's not even counting widower's guilt on some level - he's human, it happens.
* (revelation-specific) guilt over whether anankos manipulated any affections/lust for corrin just to get closer to her... >:3c (what if hell, he's right?)
* revelation also has loads more with guilt over his possessed actions. and then guilt if they're fucking while he's possessed and he can't tell corrin anything. and and and-
* more generic guilt that a commoner (and punished for being a commoner) knight lusting over his liege/princess, especially if you introduce pregnancy/children/heirs as a factor.
* we're straying into blatantly headcanon territory briefly here but [mumbles something about my sadist/top/kinky thoughts >_>]
* more benign guilt over him being obviously older and dying earlier/being dependent on corrin when he becomes invalid. lots of conflicted feelings about wanting her but realizing it's a selfish want when he's going to break her heart by dying at minimum 20+ years earlier even if you introduce some magical shit.
like dear lord
the guilt with the already potent chemistry i see those two having would be one hell of a cocktail of unresolved sexual tension, and i don't think it goes away even if they do consummate it .....
#[at the drive through with the biggest grin] i'll have the whole menu sir#honestly this is a load bearing appeal of gunter/corrin for me. there's so MUCH delicious guilt to mix and match in bed lol#given fe in general treats its knights like boring af lawful good types#(okay that's unfair. there's some cool knight characters. just personally most don't feel like they could Fuck Nasty you know?)#THIS guy on the other hand. yowieee. you get the Fuck Nasty *and* the genuinely decent widow dad who's plagued by guilt. delicious.#finally some good fucking food dot jpg#leigh you have damn good taste
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Tbh, nothing has made me sympathize more with Kipperlilly Copperkettle than her anger issues.
Cause anger is an emotion we feel when we're missing something. When we need something and can't get it. It's a balm to make us feel better when things don't go our way.
When things aren't fair.
#d20#dimension 20#d20 fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 spoilers#fhjy#fantasy high spoilers#of course just cause you feel like things are unfair doesnt mean they actually are#and the reason why its an anger issue is cause the anger has befome detrimental#its warped from being somethjng to comfort you when you feel powerless to a tool you use against others when you fedl slighted#part of why anger issues are so hard to overcome is cause of how good it feels in the moment#even if you feel terrible guilt afterwards#the catharsis of releasing anger can be such a relief#that you dont even realise youve started looking for reasons to be angry#youre listing things that are terrible with the world just so you can feel better by getting angry at them#things like capitalism and people who bullied you and how your boss is a terrible racist#things that everyone can get angry over#until they get more personal and warps your judgment#“my boss called a group of immigrant a bunch of racial slurs” “his secretary was there too she can back me up”#“when i brought it up with her she says she wasnt payjng attention or something” “shes peobably racist too and thats why he hired her”#it becomes easier to make jumps like that instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt#easier to justify your anger with the smallest slights#until youre yelling at a pedestrian whe. you almost ran them over#“sure it was a red light but they shouldve paid attention and seen me coming too”#anyways this is all to say kipperlilly probably has some issues to deal with#idk if shes actually behind this plot or if shes being manipulated#doesmt stop her from being a total dick tho#but it does make me a little more sympathetic to her
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my new baby and i dont wanna hear a word about it OKKKKKKK......
#hes got everything i love in a character its so unfair and cruel to Me#once i figure out how i wanna draw him its a wrap#personal#the good place/
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I hate hate hate so much that etsy won't let me clear notifications to review purchased items. I have items that I am not going to leave a review for (e.g. stuff that is objectively fine, so I don't want to hurt sales, but didn't work for me for reasons that would not be helpful to another buyer), and the *fucking* notification button won't go away. It's genuinely driving me off the site because it bothers me so much.
#also i fucking hate the pressure tactic#it moves it from 'you can do this thing' to 'we're demanding you do this thing'#which makes me want to leave a bad review b/c i'm only doing it b/c it's so irritating#which 1) i don't don't do b/c its unfair to the seller#and 2) is a tactic that's unfair to sellers b/c i'm sure i'm not the only person who has this reaction!
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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theres a unique level of frustration when it comes to searching up certain bugs and being bombarded by how they are PESTS and their main trait IS HOW THEYLL PERSONALLY RUIN YOUR LIFE so look at all these EXTERMINATION SITES TO GET RID OF THEM.
like kindly fuck off, please. let me search up local weevils without being told how awful they are to everything around us and how those "nasty acorn weevils do nothing but fuck over oak trees". i almost never see this level of hostility towards more charismatic species such as birds and mammals (aside from maybe rats), and i cannot lie its extremely jarring coming from the more avian side of animal enthusiasm.
i guess i just want more... neutral and unbiased search results for bugs? but man no wonder the average person thinks so poorly of bugs, even those who DO try to look up local insects are met with sites that encourage killing them.
#bugs#insects#weevils#rant#this shit bothers me so much as a liker of animals please i just want to do research on local fauna from time to time dghkdghk#theyre just existing it feels so unfair to lump an animal's entire existence into how they PERSONALLY BOTHER US#its a weird and self centered world view idk#its 3 am no one will see this but whatever have my rant tumblr
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i feel murderous intent within my bones whenever i see someone calling ten whiny for his "i could do so much more" speech . do not ever talk about him ever again. EVER again. i am in your walls
#dr who#anyway ever regain your will to live bc you've connected with someone that you (bleeding heart. loves people as easily as breathing) see as#almost a father figure . and he tells you that youre a wonderful person and that he doesn't want you to die/sacrifice yourself#(he's known you for such a short amount of time. but he knows how much you mattered to his granddaughter and that means so much)#and then just as you think youve finally made it and survived despite everything you have to sacrifice yourself for him. so he can live#he screams about how it's unfair and IT IS. ITS SO UNFAIR. and also because he's made his decision the second he saw wilf stuck there.#'oh i've lived too long' is how he makes peace with it. he's only lived for six years.#i cried again typign these tags turns out im not over his death lmfao somebody lobotomize me#10 era
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me, stupidly and weirdly resistant to listening to audio books vs reading a physical book for no real reason: man i wish there was a way to like, read a book while i crochet like i do with tv shows and movies and podcasts
#toy txt post#my reasons are irrational you dont need to try to talk me into it. i KNOW#its very silly of me#imagine how much reading i could get done. but alas. Feels Bad#even listening to a more. uh. Story type podcast or fiction like nightvale was a bit difficult to start for me. i like nightvale now i#listened. but i worry that is clocking in my brain as an Exception 😔 maybe it would be easier if i tried some nonfiction books? scary#i also struggle with single host podcasts apparently even tho im also ehhhh on the kind where the structure is the host Interviewing a#different person everytime? maybe it would be okay with a nonfiction audiobook tho cos it would be getting read by a narrator and not sound#so much like a guy ranting into a mic which makes me feel a little insane. altho propaganda doesnt necessarily always sound like a guy#ranting into a mic so idk. i could probably make it through if i can find a nice book about like. parasitic worms. i could tolerate#feeling like im falling into sigma male affirmations videos for worms i think. wormffirmations are allowed#*to clarify i dont listen to those but listening to better offline makes me feel like im morphing into the kinda guy who does and i hate it#which feels unfair cos he is RIGHT and the podcast is good but i need there to be like a cohost there to break the tension of the Ranting#sometimes he has guests on? but its not quite the same#i think the format i like best is either like 2 or 3 regular cohosts discussing things within a specific topic#OR. 1 host whos like infodumping to the other host who knows nothing about the subject. OR. 2 hosts info dumping to each other about#different aspects of the subject. OR. 1 host who brings on fun guests to infodump to them about a subject. and then obviously the subject#needs to intrigue me. ex. sawbones well theres your problem (I HATE THAT THIS ONE IS BEST EXPERIENCED ON YOUTUBE😭 I WANT THEM TO JUST DUMP#ALL THE SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST SOMEWHERE AND I CAN CHECK IN AND FOLLOW ALONG THAT WAY WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE MY PHONE SCREEN ON THE#WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!! but. im listening for free so its unreasonable to demand more of them BUT ALSO I FEEL LIKE JUST COPYPASTING ALL OF THE#SLIDES INTO A BIG BLOG POST ISNT THAT MUCH MORE EFFORT THAN EDITING A WHOLE YOUTUBE VIDEO? WAAAAAH. THEY DONT NEED TO BE TIMESTAMPED OR#ANYTHING JUST THROW EM IN ILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTTT#anyway. also more than 3 hosts is really pushing my ability to keep track of voices.#anyway: sawbones wtyp tpwky behind the bastards scam goddess#(which is true crime adjacent but focuses mainly on scams and isnt copaganda and laci is funny and cool)#common descent pod completely arbortrary maintenance phase if books could kill#deep sea podcast has more bringing ppl in to interview them about shit than i personally enjoy but i put up with it cos i do like the hosts#and the subject
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I also lost my cat recently. it's horrible. take care of yourself, ok? you'll be ok.
yeah dude its fucking awful... im sorry for your loss too :( i wish they could live forever with us. or at least as much as possible.... my boy wasnt even a senior, he was around 10 years old and i had had him for 8..
#like if he had been like 12... id be like okay he's an old kitty...this was gonna happen#but i wasnt prepared for it to happen like this. i was so desperate that nothing i did could help him#nothing helped. no ultrasound no x ray no cardiology check up no blood test no antibiotics. nothing could figure out what was wrong#and then it was too late. just that whole situation (been going on since june) had me so crazy#and then this last month was a fucking nightmare it happened so fast. like i wasnt prepared#u cant ever be prepared i guess... but idk i wish it wouldve been different#i wish he had died of old age instead. or at least i wish we knew what caused him to be so sick.#like if i was told its idk. cancer. and its taken over and hes gonna die#it wouldve been awful too. of course. but i wouldve known. i wouldve been told.#i wouldnt have had to watch him get to the point he got and accept that whatever he had. it didnt matter anymore. because it beat him.#it sucks so bad it sucks so bad. its so unfair.#sorry for venting in my tags ig. whatever. fuck everything this world is fucked and evil#personal
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yall can we (autistics) pretty please promise each other that internally finding a fellow autistic person annoying or unpleasant to be around doesn't make you a shit person. please. pretty please.
#autism#actually autistic#if neurotypicals don't like other neurotypicals its fine and dandy#but as an autistic person people have gotten pissy with me for not liking other autistics#the double standard is so unfair
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anyways i reiterate: the discourse my brother would cause would smash this site in pieces
#i have lived ‘’erm hes autistic? so he can be as shitty as he wants? and youre the REAL ableist?’’ too many times irl for it to work on me#online#echoed voice#sometimes its like ‘’yeah you are being unfair to this disabled person’’#and hell that person does need help if they fly off the handle THAT easily online and this isnt a good environment for them#but sooooo often its just people going ‘’um im allowed to treat people like dogshit? and be racist? im autistic?’’
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your friend engagement post reminds one of my friends (she's an year older than me but still) is also planning to get engaged by end of this month or so and it felt weird like we were 15 yesterday it feels so wrong in my head she's a baby why is she thinking about marriage (to be fair the guy is super rich and they'll have an year time to officially confirm if they actually want to get married) but it feels so wrong in my head win😭😭
i was talking to aki on literally this matter in morning and she kept saying my friend is a baby whys she getting married and i know we are too young but i was sort of expecting it since she comes from an islamic family and a couple other friends got married right after school im not new to this 😭
#its still very young for me but i really believe it depends on the kind of environment one grew in and got to learn everything around#vaise to 21 is pretty big age but you're still learning its only unfair like her getting an older age husband while she just finished her ug#how do you feel like i think i have to learn so much before everything happens but mom says there are people who prefer to marry#while they learn together with other person and its still right i don't know i haven't thought#but your friend getting a year to make a decision about marriage is still a very good choice#one of my batchmates failed in 9th standard and she was married off even before we passed out from high school 😭#i thought shes being tortured smth but she wrote “honeymooning in bali” i died lmao
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