#ITS SO GOOD ITS SO FUCKIN GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

[forlorn-plushie]

Mediabread: Wanderhome

Played Wanderhome for the first time today and while we spent 3.5 hours in character creation and making a big port-bridge-town we also played one scene in which Bix, who I put together in *literally five minutes*, struggled intensely with grief and forgiveness and got no closure. Had a whole crisis of lost connections right there in the door to the stable. It didn't hurt as much as in character pondering "will I ever find a home" HOW DOES THAT HURT I LITERALLY JUST MADE THIS BIRD. THEY ARE NOT EVEN ME. AUGH.

WHAT A GREAT GAME HOLY FUCK

[checkadii]

I started reading that fic you talked about in that one ask and it's SO GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAA

RIGT IM SO INSANE OVER IT i think ive . reread it over 15 (fifteen) times now . actually. head in hands.

fuckin ... orange pink mahogany and orang e again.. .. . i may have to leave in 3 hours (its 3am) to take my exam but like . also what if i reread the entirety of carrot soup instead of revising sinicization and its effects on politics culture and economy LMAO

[m4rs-ex3]

✨ rayllum ✨

whaddya want from me i have to talk about it rn. aaaaaaaaaaaaa🫶🫶🫶🫶 boundaries. trust. FINGERGUNS. they. them. my pronouns are they because i'll never be them. callum is done wasting time being mad and is now devoting all of his time remembering and/or discovering HOW MUCH HE LOVES THIS GIRL UGH 💕💞💖💗💞💕💖💝💝💘💖💓 he is the sweetest fucking thing rn oml he can see now that she will always be there for him and he wants her to know and im normal. aside from the core developments of their relationship omfg we were SERVED. the banter, the softness, the absolute bestie(+) behavior. let's review:

(e1) "practical? like what ; :)" that is the flirtiest fuckin face ive ever seen

"yes. you. uh.. rayla."

"i was lookin for you! uh.. callum." HIS FACEEEE HIS WIDDLE SMILE

"i can see that. let her go." ZERO hesitation. also mad foreshadowing

"she broke into the high mage's office." "no that's crazy. she can go in there any time she wants." UGH i expected a "no that's crazy she would never do that" but he's straight up like 'whats mine is urs bbg" 😭✋

"the elf stole it." oh.. ok his face doesn't look too happy there i wonder if "shes not 'the elf.' she's rayla." OH FUCK ME THEN

"and she was hiding a weapon" "so what? she always is?" IM SCREAMING I LOVE THEM SM

it doesn't even seem that for a second he was perturbed about rayla having the murder weapon, more so that he was looking straight at the murder weapon. she's always been in the clear 🫡

"if she didn't tell me... she has a good reason." THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. THIS-- iiis getting its own post.

"it means i trust her. unconditionally." brb dying happy

his face when she unchained herself god he loves his non-law-abiding girlfriend

"you don't have to explain or justify anything to me. you can tell me when you're ready :)" what can i even say at this point

(e2) "well i'm glad you liked it :)" kill me now

"and now... here we are," there it is he still sees them as one unit, defying all odds and persevering all circumstances oh me oh my

stargazing obvi

(e3) RAYLA IN CALLUM'S DOODLE. HE DIDN'T HAVE TO ADD HER IN THERE YET THERE SHE IS LOOKING ADORABLE

"she can't stop us." "nobody can >:)" "so we're going to lux aurea right? ; :)" "too right we are >:)>:)>:)>:)"

their chaos <3

(e4) rayllum montage my beloved THAT MUSIC

if you guys have been weird please show me normal

"rayla, we've been through a lot, and a lot has changed, ah- um, well, some things have changed, but not.. everything. uh... i would do anything for you."

i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i would do anything for you i wo

this is not fucking real what the fuckity fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

they are The standard

i've seen a lot of ships in my day way too many perhaps but no one compares

he's so patient and respectful w her 😭 the way he just gently holds out his hands

she fully emphasized that freeing them wasn't her priority and yet just ZERO hesitation callum saw his girl in distress and dropped everything no second thought required

THE HAND HOLDDDD THAT WAS SO SOFT

HE WAS SO FRICKEN EXCITED TO HELP HER

about to die and only one priority mhm

THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB THUMB RUB

"i waited too long" i am so absolutely insane feral indignant

"i hope you know-" "i know."

bury me

(e5) fist bump. thats it im done im gone oh m !!!!! FIST !!! BUMP !!!!! YOU ABSOLUTE DORKS YOU <3<3<3<3<3

i am weak and the water scene is literally my favorite

he IMMEDIATELY knows shes uncomfy

AND he waits for her

"i don't think i'm comfortable pushing- hey!" "see? i pushed you first! pushing is easy!"

12:06 ish that glance downward tho 👀

the hand snatch of the century. her face. his face. that squeeze. "together." that ttm parallel.

HE HELD HER HAND THE ENTIRE TIME 😭😭😭💗

"-the entire world would be in danger-" IM SORRY BUT HE LOOKED STRAIGHT. AT HER. THAT LOOK KILL ME

"an amulet. or, uh, is it a talisman? what's the difference?" HER SWEET LIL GIGGLE (might just be the last sweet moment i have to report on)

beginning o e7 they're standing together on deck what happened all last night i need to know

her catching him when he collapsed :') and holding him up the rest of the time

"LET HIM GO!"

so e8 🙂

so

e

8

🙂

female rage has nothing on callum.

5 seasons. so many characters. so many losses. we have never seen this much emotion from anyone. i can hardly joke right now but he really embodied "don't you just wanna go apeshit?" i consume so much fucking media and this is new even for me. callum has never even had a temper. through all of this--getting kidnapped, abused, mentally and physically, seeing what his friends are going through--he hasn't broke. and then, seeing his biggest fear, the thing he's been plagued with for years, the thing we've seen him throw away his life to prevent, comes true, and he loses it. the scream, grunt & inhale, the speed, the aggression, the fucking expression. it's not hard to see how what happened next happened, i'm surprised he didn't do worse.

“all that talk about how love makes you stronger, but the second you see that elf girl in pain, you completely lost yourself.” mitski miyawaki kindly carry me out

every threat or demand finnegrin has made and callum has done nothing but scour. he has been as strong as anyone can be. and all of a sudden here he is crying out for mercy, pleading, bargaining, the lowest we've ever seen him. it hurts, but finnegrin was right.

"just... just let her go."

"NO! NO"

his defeat. we know this is because of... literally everything he has ever stood for being demolished. but his personal moral catastrophe aside, don't you find it interesting how he did all of that to keep rayla safe, and yet he never once went to her? i made another post abt this but i'm saying it again: rayla told him not to. and she believed in him. she's safe, but i don't think he thought he really saved her. he doesn't think he deserves anything she's giving him. he refuses to indulge in her, he refuses to confide in her, he refuses to seek her out. but he just saved her life. but that's not enough. not enough to resolve this within himself, and apparently not enough for the girl who's life he has saved twice now, who has stuck by him for years, who has dedicated everything to him, to be able to be okay with it. and he just kind of... accepts it. he doesn't beg for forgiveness, that being said he doesn't tell her either. this may seem like he's protecting himself, that he really just doesn't want to lose her, that he doesn't want to face this at all, but maybe it's him not wanting to disappoint her. yknow i really hate to be one of those people who ignores how basically all of callum's character surrounds his own internal conflict in favor of rayllum fan service, but fuck it's hard no to sometimes. he wants to be her hero, but he isn't; not to himself, anyway. this would always be the case. and yet... he did it all anyway. if that isn't unconditional, i'm jumping off a bridge.

no matter who he's protecting he is still being so strong for her

"yeah. yeah, i'm okay. i am." no, that obviously wasn't the truth. but for a "horrible liar," he sure appeared at least a little bit better. at the end of the day, the end of the battle, rayla's okay. and that always seems to help.

face touch 🩷

that hug man. her deep sigh. his shame melting into unavoidable comfort. him letting go despite all his better judgement. also it was cute. homicidal. but cute.

THE OTHER WATER SCENE IM STARTING TO THINK I HAVE A TYPE

the "eyes on me" thing AUUUHGHHGHGHGHGH

"i-i'm getting out" 👏ZERO👏HES👏ITATION👏 AND THE THING THAT MADE HIM BREAK WAS THE FEAR/SADNESS IN HER VOICE. LIKE AT FIRST HE WAS JUS LIKE "U GOOD?" BUT THEN HE SAW HOW UPSET SHE WAS AND WAS ALL "FUCK THE FATE OF THE WORLD IM GIVING YOU A HUG"

the squad reunion post-claudia when rayla gives callum's arm an extra little squeeze 😭

the ending handhold 🫶 thereee'ssss my little married couple

welp i would say it's been fun but it's been more so absolutely excruciating so. it has been.

if i still had feelings i would be so happy <3

[thetalltranstiefling]

HEY GUYS ITS 1AM AND I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ON THE NEW EPISODEEEEEE

spoilers obv

FIRST OF ALL. OMG. FREDDIE. NO CAUSE HE’S SUCH A GOOD ACTOR AND ILL TELL YOU WHY

ALL THAT STUFF TAYLOR SAID ABOUT THE LION KING? THAT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY ABOUT WHEN HE THOUGHT HE LOST HIS DAD, LIKE HOW HE COULDN’T IMAGINE WHAT IT’D BE LIKE TO LOSE A PARENT?? THAT LITERALLY ALMOST JUST HAPPENED TO HIM AND I JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAA

TAYLOR CONSISTENTLY STAYING UPSET ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND LIKE HAVING AN ACTUAL VISIBLE REACTION CREATES SUCH A SEPARATION FROM GLENN IN THE PREVIOUS SERIES WHO KEPT IT ALL DEEP DEEP IN INSIDE, AND FREDDIE HAS BEEN SO INCREDIBLY GOOD ABOUT GOING BACK TO THAT POINT OF TAYLOR’S EMOTIONAL STATE LIKE. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME. 

the standup was so funny but it was also just. sad in context. lmao.

AND ON THE S U B J E C T OF SAD PARTS OF THE STANDUP WE’VE GOT HERMIE. OH MY GOD HOW HE HAS DEVELOPED AS A CHARACTER IM SCREAMING. THE FACT THAT HE IS A DEPRESSED DRAMA KID WHO USES ACTING TO COPE WITH THIS INHERENT NATURE TO WANT TO SCAM AND TRICK PEOPLE IS JUST SO. ITS SO. AND WHEN HE LITERALLY SAID THAT HE’D RATHER KILL BOTH HIS BIOLOGICAL PARENTS THAN ACCEPT THE FACTS OF HIS ORIGIN?? IM LIKE WOAH. GODDAMN ANTHONY IS A GOOD WRITER (just imagine the kind of juicy stuff he writes in that porn script lmaoooo). 

ALSO I LOVE THE FACT THAT THE THEY ALL GOT MARRIED BECAUSE THATS SO FUCKIN ON BRAND. ITS SO GREAT OMG. 

AND THE FACT THAT NICK HAD WEEKS OF SITTING AROUND IN HELL THINKING OF WHAT TO DO AND HE WAS JUST LIKE “yep this is the only way” IS HILARIOUS. LIKE I JUST IMAGINE HIM SITTING THERE PONDERING WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION, WITH SOME RANDOM DEAD GUY SCREAMING IN THE BACKGROUND AND HE’S JUST LIKE “shut up! I’m trying to think!” 

I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF THIS WHOLE EPISODE IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER GOLD. I AM NOT VERY ARTICULATE RIGHT NOW NOR AM I HAVING ANYTHING ABOVE SHITPOST TO THROW IN HERE BUT HEY ITS 1AM GIVE ME A BREAK ALSO MOST OF THIS PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE IN ALL CAPS BUT THATS JUST WHAT IM GOING WITH WOO

[authoroftwwm]

AAAAAAAAAAAAA BRO I NEED IT

tl;dr is that Professor layton helped w trauma, listed is the journey through the games and future hype for PLWoS

So, I recently got into professor layton (a year ago, to be specific) and I must say, It has helped me SO FUCKIN MUCH WITH SO MUCH TRAUMA--

I have schizoeffective disorder. I have severe PTSD from years of mental and physical abuse from my parents. I have ADHD and may also be autistic, getting tested at 25 years is difficult.

When I started Professor Layton, I decided to play in release order--"I want to experience what long time fans experienced." I felt it would be more genuine. So, I downloaded an emulator (yeah i know, bad Vero) and started to play. I wrote down my reactions to each game after i beat them:

PLCB: THIS MAN GOT CHASED BY A FERRIS WHEEL!!!! THATS COOL AF! It was a really fun game, cool story with neat puzzles tHaT wErE hArD aF (i was kind of nonchalant about the games, just getting into them)

PLPB: ayo he got a box OH WAIT HE DED--i enjoyed the gameplay and watching the bad guy be the bad guy. interesting sequel, hopefully luke stays with the professor a long time lol (I jinxed it lol, also felt a bit more connected to Luke as a character and his admiration for Hershel)

(I took a long break after this one due to college lol but now i just play after my homework is done)

PLLF: I didnt write anything after this one. i just sat in silence for about a week, and I didnt eat for a few days. This was when my foster dad died, and i felt strangely as if i had healed a lot. After that week. I guess I just kinda took the time to process the loss of someone who i consider my true father. It was at this point I realized that playing the games had helped. I also didnt mentally process that luke left the professor lol until i watched someones playthrough of the last part of the game again

PLSC: BRO ITS LUKE AGAIN BUT HES YOUNGER AND HAS TRUST ISSUES WTF ITS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE except luke didnt go through massive trauma (unless you count the ghost stuff and the witch stuff and the house stuff as trauma) yeah i like it very good

PLMM: RANDALL IS WAY TOO FUCKIN HOT FOR MY LIKING I JUST NNNNNGGGUHHUHUHUH also SIBLING BINDING WOOOOOOOOOOO

I am currently playing through Azran Legacy, and I must say it lives up to the hype. Havent reached the ending tho so im trying to not run into spoilers. also I know descole is sycamore im not dumb THEY LITERALLY LOOK ALIKE AND THE BUTLER IS THE SAME WTF if theyre not the same person im gonna spazzzzzzzz

All in all, I plan on figuring out how to a b s o r b all the content from the spin offs (in order to do this i also want to play all the phoenix wright games, wish me luck lol) and will eventually get the Katrielle game.

I have a lot to do in preparation for New World of Steam! I hope im able to do it in time, and also that its just as good as the previous games. I know Quizknock will do a good job, its just whether i will enjoy it or not.

Thank you for reading, sorry for the long post; i have no potatoes to offer but nevertheless have a good day~!

-Vero

[honysuckl]

Exist for Love | Metzli & Honey

PARTNER : @muertarte TIMING : Last night. LOCATION : Mansión Mexicana. SUMMARY : Honey has a gift, while Metzli has some news. WARNINGS : N/A

Honey was lost to her ramblings. A common occurrence when around those she held dear. Oh, and how she held Metzli so tight: her arms wrapped around them as fiercely as her voice to their ears. A hurricane that thought itself a lullaby. But only chaos could distract from its kin. She knew the days had been so dreadful to her poor dear—tales of wild merriment would do them some good. The physical had first been attended to (a bag of the freshest blood courtesy of hers truly) so the mind could slip more easily in that needed relief. As that blood nestled into their stomach, so too did she nestle into their shoulder as she continued her retelling. 

“Oh, shoulda seen me, m��eudail. It were so lovely! Got meself right like a-” Honey interrupted herself with her own giggles. “Just! Just like a burnt dolly. Me limbs all fuckt to hell. Oh, and just the same, alls anyone wanted to do was throw ma ass on doon the trash. But they could no stop the likes a’ me! Ha! Everybody a fuckin’ screech. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa-” That hushed shriek abruptly turned to another fit of giggles, the latter finally defeating her voice. Everything was so much funnier when near those you loved, and Honey was a happy victim of it. She eventually found enough composure to form words, though they continued their battle with the giggles. “Ne’er heard so much shouts ‘cept at a bairn’s birthday bash. I screech, the lifeguard screech, the skelpt arse of a man who musta pissed off the sun- oh he were pure mean lookin’- he was screech! All those gowks could do asides a gawk. Gawk gowks!” Her giggles finally began to die. But they did not surrender to the voice, instead to the coming scene. “Am sad I ne’er did see the fuckers finally learn to run. The papers sure did make it sound like a fine beaut. Legs gone more wild than me own!” But, no, she had to ensure the prank struck true, banished down in her watery solitude. All that could dare to accompany her then were her imaginings and her stained shirt. Shirt…

“Oh! Right! That reminds me.” Story time was over, now was the time for the real treat. The blood was a mere appetizer to what lay in her bag. Honey’s hold on Metzli was only paused so she may return with more goodies at hand. “Mind how I says Moup been keepin’ me all busy-like? Well, surprise! Were a sweet lie. The truth is been finishin’ up on this.” With that, she plopped a wrapped package upon their lap.

More and more, Metzli was beginning to believe hearts were like knocks on the door. The sound of the beat being the person that was locked inside, begging to meet others. Despite not being alive, there was a firm belief that the knocks were still there. The beating drum not clinging onto the concept of soundwaves and tempo. No, Metzli believed their knocks were rapid and desperate, with frequent pauses that lingered hope because they were waiting for others to respond.

For decades, Metzli’s heart heard none, all doors firmly shut closed until they finally managed to burst through one. If you could really call it that. Honey had all but ripped the hinges off when she welcomed Metzli in. They sprinted. No longer did they have to force themself into hiding. Honey was like a kid lifting up rocks to find insects in that way. It didn’t matter where someone hid it, she would search. And dios, Metzli was so glad she used her one-person search party on them.

Honey gave them the listen to the way she rambled and held them. Oh, they loved her ramblings. When she got lost in thought so much that laughter bellowed out of her chest uninhibited by anything else in the world. Metzli was tracing patterns on her chest as she did, using a small blade so she could feel the faint and pleasant thrum of pain. She stopped her affections all too soon and they almost frowned when she left, even more so when she said she lied. It was a sweet lie, she said. Though Metzli wasn’t sure any lie could be sweet.

At least not until they saw what she’d used sly words to do.

Metzli unwrapped their gift carefully, still not used to the idea of being given gifts, and they were surprised to see a beautifully made shirt. It was embroidered by hand. They could tell because there were many like it in Mexico, the style unlike any other. Eyes gleamed with tears of joy. She lied to give herself time to make a thought into a masterpiece. How could they be upset with that? “Is beautiful. You make everything beautiful like you.” They muttered with a sniffle, their fingers grazing over the stitching. It was perfect. “Thank you. Is everything. But why? Why do this for me?”

Cursed with a mimicking nature, those tears on Metzli’s face called to her own. Honey gave them a playful push, mindful of their current predicament. “Oh stop it now, ye softie. Got me all a cry, too.” The complaint had as much force as her push, neither wishing for any of this to end. She enjoyed watching them admire her work—a gift in and of itself. Her hands joined in cradling those stitched flowers. Honeysuckles and moonflowers whose stems laced around each other the same as the two’s snuggled bodies. Her fingers rested on one of those white petals longer than the rest. Then onward they went, across the few bits of lavender for filler, and those few drops of dark blood that had filled, too. Unintentionally, of course. Her hands were commonly too hasty for her own good, which was why the shirt was as dark as her insides. For it was the choices themselves she could not do with haste: each serving a purpose. Born from a love that blossomed the same as the garden she had made.

“Oh, is been a thing been tinkerin’ wi’ for a time. Well, the times we aren’t breathin’ doon each others’ necks like a bunch a’ cats in heat.” Oh, what a lovely trouble. To be refused a surprise because you are never given any time in secret. All exposed, like the wood of a well-loved home. But not all exposures were so beautiful. Honey looked to the bandages who hid the sort that sought only death. If only she could have Metzli slip into her fast skin as easily as the shirt. “Figured ye needed a thing like this now, wi’ all that’s been done to you. Got you a twin in punctures, ye fuckin’ pin cushion. Wonder what you be tellin’ me next of yer stabbin’s. Maybe a Cap?” Oh, yes, a Cap would be fun. Well, her sort of fun. She could already hear the clang of those blades. But… no. No, there was something telling her to stay in the moment. Something important. Her eyes snapped to attention. “Oh, right! The thing! Already gots a thingy to tell me, eh? Well, out wi’ it. What is it?”Being called soft was something that irked Metzli at first, always having to be rigid and sharp. But that was what Eloy needed them to be, what he turned them into. It was a relief to be described otherwise, a small confirmation that not everything was scooped away from them. They weren’t a husk of their former self. Eloy’s teachings could be chipped away, and one day, Metzli would be themself fully. 

“You are soft, too.” They sighed with a small smile, “Is why we get along. Why I…love you.” With a pat to Honey’s thigh, Metzli bonked their head against hers and laughed along with her joke. They supposed she was right. As of late, with all the injuries Metzli had sustained, they were similar to a pin cushion, much like the shirt she had stitched together. Their hand went back to feeling every stitch, growing lost in the texture for a moment until Honey brought their happy news to their attention. Well, they hoped she’d be happy for them. 

“Is happy thing.” Metzli’s eyes searched Honey’s, watching her eyes sparkle. They loved the way she looked at them, and they couldn’t help but return the expression. She was everything to them. “Nothing changes for us. Still all the lovin’s and kisses and…” An amused smile began to take shape on their lips. “Knifes.” They chuckled, “But, um, I am dating Leila now. She asked to be romantic together and I say yes.” 

Honey’s smile was so wide it threatened to split her face in two. “Oho. Aye. I love ye, too, me lovely petal.” When their heads grew closer, bringing their two souls into one, she nuzzled her nose against theirs so they may share in breath, too. No start and no end. It was a perfect moment. The kind one could spend forever in, if Fate would be so kind.

But it rarely was. All moments needed to have an end, just like all things in this world. They needed beginnings too, of course, which Honey perked so innocently at the start of the next. It did not last. Not wishing for anything else to, either, as she felt her hold on them weaken. Only one other time had Metzli reassured her in such a way—a gentleness that hid coming thorns. Even before their puncture, she felt a sinking feeling bore in her stomach. It left a vacuum that sucked down her smile as well. Little by little, as their words continued on, her smile turned to a flat line. Her heart wanted to do the same, if only it could. But she would have to continue on with a shattered heart, if and when Metzli finally left her. This admittance only a reminder of how quickly that date approached.

There was a second of a wobble on Honey’s lips. But that hole inside her remembered how to grow fangs. “Fuckin’ hell,” hissed between gritted teeth. They would only open to let out a scoff. “When did you get all damn forgetful.” Perhaps they had grown competitive of her shattered mind, and wished to leave victorious! But, no, that wasn’t what really drummed in the linings of her brain. Her true question was—how? How could they think this was a happy thing? But lucky for them, there still remained something that could do the trick. “Say it.” She put every bit of rising bile, every drop of bitter hope, behind those words. “Say you are mine and I am yours.” Please, to quiet the thoughts of her impending expiration. 

Honey’s mind was often like a stick of TNT lit from both ends. The sizzle and crackle of each second passing by bristling each hair on one’s body. At least, if they were lucky enough to get so close. Because for as big as Honey’s heart was, Metzli knew better than most how only a select few could withstand the bright light that emanated from her. No longer could the sun touch Metzli’s skin without impending doom, but Honey’s light was special. 

It was as bright as a dying sun sending every ray of light over the horizon, all of its violent beauty directed straight at them. Somehow, it didn’t burn. Instead, it brought forth life in the wake of such a wreckoning. The kind of which was ravaging through Honey, motivating Metzli to spring forward. Consume her explosion of rays and keep to the promise they made.

“You are mine.” They urged with no pause, no inkling of hesitation. They held her so tightly that even Honey’s dead nerves could feel that she could burst under the pressure of how much Metzli loved her. “I am yours.” Grip tightened, “Heart is growing because of you. You are everything. You cannot leave—I will not let you leave. Because we belong to each other. Am keeping my promise. Always. No one stop me ever.” 

Tick, tick, tick went the countdown of Honey’s heart. The type of bomb that did not care when it burned alongside the wreckage. As long as it had something to burn with—to be made entwined in mutual destruction. But those tight hands snuffed out her fuse. She loved it: the way she could not wiggle out even if she tried. Not that she would ever have the thought to do so. It all called back to home. The way her family would sooner suffocate her than let her breathe in a moment without them. Oh, but why would you ever want to? Not when you had a love like that, that wanted you dead or alive. That wanted you. How she missed it. But… this wasn’t the same. The rhythm was off and the tune out of pitch. Her yearnings would never know true satisfaction until she found the source of her emptiness—the puzzle piece for that matching hole. But, in the times between, this love would surely do.

“Aye. You are mine. I am yours.” Honey repeated like a battle cry. It made her just as bloodthirsty. The chuckle in her throat teetered so closely to a growl. “Gods help the poor fucks who would try to make otherwise.” And even if those deities tried it, well, she would just need to become quicker than divinity. Ha! Her chuckle turned to cackle as she returned their fierce hold. Adding more punctures to their skin as her nails seeked full union. “C’mere.” She pulled them to her lips, considering for a moment devouring them whole. Instead, she settled on a kiss. For now. 

[bluefire7991]

Partizan is so good I can’t handle this hhrhhhhhh

[room287]

the haunting of bly manor killed me dead

[malotopia]

watching one piece so if you guys see a sudden blog change its the hyperfixation

[her-reidiance]

@clarste

YOU

KEEP TALKING!

YES!

I like Amaia a lot. I really like Amaia a lot.

There's really, REALLY something beautiful about a woman so elegant, so eloquent, so gorgeously insane that she feeds herself to serve "a greater purpose" and such. Relinquishing the gift of life just to further the Seaborn's goal. It's selfless, but so distorted and with no regard for the ramifications. It's love, in the most extreme and unhinged way. For what else drives someone to die, just to ensure something else survives?

I really wish I had more time with her. The scene where she dances with Laurentina... how she describes her own POV of what she did to Laurentina... it was exquisite.

And for as much of a pain SN-10 was to go through, that CG, and the fruit of her actions, was astounding. Worth every lost bit of (IRL) sanity.

[villalunae]

i almost cried twice at work today ahjdaksjak

[doccywhomst]

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

18. Best Doctor monologue?

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

71. Favourite piece of alien tech?

80. Will DW age well/stay popular in the future?

81. Time period you’d want to go with the Doctor?

87. If you could ask the Doctor anything, what would you ask?

88. Historical figure you’d like to meet?

89. How do you think you’d meet the Doctor?

91. Historical event would you like to see in DW?

92. Issue you’d like to see addressed in DW?

100. If you could write an episode of DW, any ideas for what you’d do?

if you have the time for all these 👀

*cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO

16: oh, lord- okay. so, i think that they're all human and inhuman in different ways, which makes this really challenging to answer. they all feel very human, and at the same time, alarm bells go off in my brain when they do literally anything! thirteen is anxious and more skittish, twelve has physical boundaries but is very kind (like a lot of people i know), eleven is a total dad but also very not human, and it goes on and on.... it's hard to choose.

if you forced me to, i'd say that five is the most human. he radiates That's Just A Guy energy like nobody else, despite the celery.

17. do i even have to say it??

in the show: THE FIVE DOCTORS

in the audios: ZAGREUS

18. it's fuckin... fucjin THIS SCENE, IT KICKS SO MUCH ASS!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA-

these scenes are tied for a VERY close runner up slot-

57. well... funnily enough, i don't really think about the monsters in doctor who! for me, they exist to facilitate stories in which characters overcome limits, form friendships, and try new things. so, i suppose, any monster that makes the characters develop as people or face their fears is a successful one.

71. my favorite alien tech is mostly gallifreyan - the fob watch, chameleon arch, confession dial, stellar manipulator/hand of omega. i'm mostly a fan of the show because of the lore and the characters, and these devices facilitate a lot of stories! they also look dope-

80. honestly, i think we passed the point of no return a long time ago. doctor who will always be a beloved show - if not for its plots and characters, then for its endless sandbox universe of infinite potential!

81. it seems like, no matter where anyone goes, they're always on the brink of death, or kidnapping or poisoning or getting maimed or blown up or shot or- anyway. seeing this, i'd take the risk and go to an alien planet in the distant future. i want to see new things!

87. oh, jesus. if i could ask them anything?? to be fair, i'm not sure if i'd even want to know most stuff about them, since it would probably be hopelessly depressing. i guess... i would ask if they miss being a parent. then i'd finally get closure about whether or not they see most of their companions as friends or replacement grand-children. (sorry susan)

88. historical figure i'd like to meet.... probably fuckin nobody. i feel like i radiate socialist atheist leftist vibes and they'd sense it and hate me instantly. and i don't want to meet any old dudes (oscar wilde, darling, you're exempt from this), so that's like 70% of historical figures that are totally off the table. i guess... gráinne o'malley. maybe.

89. i'd meet the doctor by running towards an explosion to see if i could help anyone. when i get there, they'd probably be like, "here! hold these two wires together!" and then run off. and i'd just... hold the wires.

91. god, i'd love to have a historical joan of arc episode, but i think it would be way too dark for the show... i know that she's problematic, and that religious topics are largely a no-no, but her story is so tragic but inspiring for young girls - not in the "violence is the answer" way, but in that "standing up for yourself/being steadfast in a society that hates you for existing is a moral imperative, and if they don't see it now, then your strength and resilience will change the future for the better." same goes for civil rights stories, and the stonewall riots! GIVE THEM TO ME!!!!!!!

92. the whole bit about dancing around gender is... frustrating. because we just got our first female-presenting doctor, but so far, there's been virtually no discussion about how she feels, what she thinks, what she wants! yes, gallifreyans are beyond gender, but also, this is a brand new experience! the doctor has been male-presenting for THOUSANDS OF YEARS. regardless of how distanced the doctor is from how their body looks, i feel like there should've been... something. anything. i feel like the BBC just didn't want to deal with gender because then they'd risk angering Those Fans™️ by validating/exploring body dysmorphia and the trans experience in a way that isn't a joke.

100. i'd basically do what Stranded, or The Power of Three, or Vincent and the Doctor did! i want an episode where the doctor and their companions are stuck in a normal place and a normal time, and they have to deal with the cabin fever together. i'm not sure how well that would translate into just one episode - it would be more of a season, and the doctor would start finding aliens to talk to on earth, maybe forming a little support group for their own sanity. then, at the end, the companions and this rag-tag bunch of aliens would come together to save the world! all around, a season about friendship.

[loudlyunladylike]

Am drinking water!! I have a 32 oz water bottle in my room at all times cause its hot as shit here (I was gonna send a picture but then i realized theres such thing as reflections so...) And I ate, don't know why my brain hates me

Also your theory about the notfis is so fucking funny to me CICNDOSNSKS "HEY JERRY *SMACK* WAKE UP WE NEED TO SEND OUT NOTIFS FOR LOUDLY--UNLADYLIKE"

And yeah kids growing up too quick AAAAAAAAAAAAA UEUEUEUE I literally have a list of names from series who have kids who grew up too quick/basically child soldiers/just things kids shouldn't go through and definitely have trauma now:

Homestuck (god the amount of shit they go through...), BNHA, Owl House, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Danganronpa, Little Nightmares, OMORI, every Persona game but especially 3-5, Undertale & Deltarune, Oneshot, Outsiders (specifically c!Oeca and c!Krow, as I think they're canonically the youngest, based on the ccs ages), The Umbrella Academy, The Hollow, Invader Zim for Dib (because even though it's like a comedy, Dib is straight up not having a good time), Arcane, IB, Life is Strange even if they're all college students, Twisted Wonderland (god especially Idia, Riddle and Azul... I mean pretty much all of the characters have had a bad time but especially those three and especially Idia. God Idia's story... ueueue), Madoka Magica, mostly everyone in Bungou Stray Dogs, Promised Neverland, and finally the last one I remember is Uki (and Fulgur! I almost forgot Mr. I live in a post-apocalyptic dystopia where they perform life changing surgeys at like 6 which is fucked because one of the surgeries is replacing their eyes with optical implants.... i forgot if thats the one that happens at 6 but its still fucked) because his lore backstory??? OUCH emotional damage,,

Good good!! That's a bigass water bottle let's go!! I hope your headache feels better soon <333 Also yes, we love sleepy Jerry here, he is part of the lore now I have just decided

And GOD that's a lot, all so fucking heartbreaking, even the ones I haven't watched or looked at before I bet just fuckin hit god!!! Incredibly heartbreaking trope, makes me want to cry a lil and give the characters the biggest hug, they deserve it, they deserve a hug.

[silvermuffins]

NieR: Automata: it's a toofer kinda night

Listen. That chapter zero post? Was a headache. But my lad 9S is fuckin' missing and I'm gonna fuckin' find him.

emil just tears around the city ruins wherever i happen to be

i am gonna swing by the machine village to check what's good there, and also shove money at the inventor because i have a lot of money now

i will then return to the flooded city to find my boy bc i think that's the likeliest place?

my scanner pod is pinging p intensely on the way to the village?

over a simple gadget????

i think it was pinging toward the village but inventor first!

sure is foggy by the amusement park, not sure i've seen that before

with all the "two days later" cuts in helping the inventor 9S has now been missing for like a week

yeah sure have my 100,000 i know where to fish to make the big bucks

9S HAS NOW BEEN MISSING FOR TWO WEEKS

WHAT HAVE I DONE

wait what the fuck is that in the background

laser???

THAT'S WHAT HE USED MY MONEY FOR?

HE SENT A ROCKET TO MARS????

IS IT HANGING WITH OPPY NOW DOES OPPY HAVE COMPANY

sir that ain't a defeat i think that's a victory....

HIS ROCKET CAME BACK TOO???

well i can get meteorite shards and an alien mask

i am also going to be even friendlier to meeses and boar now

wait when did i get the quality sachet SINCE WHEN CAN I RIDE ANIMALS

yeah my scanner is pinging like crazy in the village!

i need to get out of the habit of making my bulletpoints with hyphens tumblr will do it for me now

POD SAYS PING THING IS UP WHERE PASCAL IS

nope just over a silver ore on the roof....how the fuck does this thing work

nobody in the village is saying anything regarding giant fish thing, including Pascal, but at least pascal seems to be okay

god you can see that launch tower from real far away

I AM RIDING A MOOSE

i appreciate the scanner leading me to shit i just wish i knew why some shit pings it and some doesn't

im full up on copper ore again already?

repeatedly yeets myself into pits, incurring fall damage every time

got a live YoRHa but it aint 9S....

and another one (that's three total)....this one has amnesia.....

that's four...this one's too afraid to do much....again: why can YoRHa feel things? like fear?

ooh, weapon get!

"while the other one just gives up and becomes a tail instead" ftyugihj

amazing

thats another yorha

i found another weird door and apologetic machine

found a strong signal but it appears to be in a wall???

oh i found another yorha and this time we've got voices--

she knows a thing!

he got sent flying.....but we have a guess at where he ended up!

looks like he ended up....near the amusement park? but how do i get THERE?

i have gotten as close as i can on the surface...it looks like he may be underground? maybe i'll try the cave-in....

bingo. dead androids here, and i DO recall an alternate path....coincidentally right where the androids are....."coincidentally"

oh fuck he's been kidnapped hasn't he

i can use this elevator now

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

shit boutta go down i can feel it

shit boutta go down like this elevator is going down

..................it's white?

"copied city" what the fuck

it looks....made of paper

crystallized silicon and carbon, unknown purpose, unknown builders.....but it's in the same goddamn tunnel that led to the alien mothership and the architecture is markedly different from the cities above

but also: very familiar? i'm not sure what this architecture is bc im not that kind of nerd but it's definitely earth!!!

i am given a choice of two paths. one has my destination marker and a bunch of dead yorha

so, obviously, i'm going the other way

its nothing okay fiiiiiine ill go the other way, mom

UGH

....LOTS of dead yorha down here....some of them together

scanner's going crazy.....ONE of these corpsey bitches must be alive. hopefully MY bitch.

or it's another item i apparently need

seriously i'm counting over 20 dead yorha this is unnerving

goddammit it WAS another useful item

25, plus two of the kind that you absorb and get chips

....buncha tiny cubes rolling across the floor on their own. slowly.

this looks like an arena

yep there they go building a wall to block escape!

okay we have a LOT to unpack holy shit

i am still mid-fight (start of like the third segment???)

PREDICTABLY, THE CUBES CONVERGED INTO BOSSFIGHT

ken doll sephiroth has learned to play dressup! by which, of course, I mean that Adam is wearing a shirt now. and also glasses.

considering i witnessed his birth he fucking built this place FAST

Adam is kinda a pushover as things stand

and like he aint wrong that humans are fucking all about killing one another, and honestly i'm kinda wondering if that's foreshadowing the "humans are engineering this war to make androids fight continuously for some reason"

but that is so far from all we are

ALSO HE FUCKING HAS 9S CRUCIFIED????

RESCUE THE BABY BOY

the things adam does with his mouth make me uncomfy

also he's. severed from the network. buddy does eve know about this???

BUT. FCUKING.

9S!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNEW HE GOT TAKEN HOSTAGE

HE'S STILL ALIVE THO......

I KIND OF GET THE FEELING HE WON'T BE FOR LONG :C

AND IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THE PROLOGUE ALL OVER AGAIN

AND 2B WILL REMEMBER EVERYTHING BUT 9S WON'T KNOW JACK SHIT

I ALMOST HAVE ADAM BEAT NOW WHAT BULLSHIT IS HE GONNA PULL

DIE YOU ASSHOLE

i still feel weird about the fact ken doll sephiroth has blood

he is hugging me. badtouch,

also i SWEAR i killed him when he was first born and that's how Eve got born

........hooboy Eve will NOT be happy about this

BUT FOR NOW, MY BOOOYYYY

"let's go home"

awwww it's from the box art!

so he's going up body and all and 2B is character development...

it's unnerving how empty the resistance camp still is.....

apparently 9S will be partnered with us again! but will he remember....? how bad is the damage....?

buys some new weapons from the twins

back to the factory???

gonna yeet myself up to bunker for a hot second to get more plug-in chip slots

upgrades pod b while i'm here

okay i have my chips set up....god i am too terrified of dabbling in chip fusion, i'm sure i can make some powerful shit if i just figure out HOW but you know what let's save up the moolah again first

wait where did all my sidequests go-- oh they require 9S don't they

OH HEY the machines around here don't automatically fight me anymore

time to meet pascal!

machines can be unpredictable. this amuses me.

"language provides many ways to hide one's true intentions" yes pascal that is how the fae work

okay....IN!

...................................immediately this is a cult church religion thing and i KNOW it's gon be weird

oh more elevators i wasn't able to use before huh

i think we went down?

looks where those two under-factory sidequests are...both are still lower. one's a LOT fucking lower.

how deep does the YoRabbitHolea go????

im not gonna have to kill these dudes' god, am i?

and is "his grace" their god? or their high priest?

do they now think adam was god, and something about being suddenly disconnected from the network forms the basis of their religion???

annnd their god is....empty?

oh

oh FUCK

OKAY NO I AM NOT DOWN WITH NONCON APOTHEOSIS

gimme yo money tho

just kills them all, that counts as escaping

9S hacked into a machine all the way from the bunker?!

annnnd there's a bunch of scared machines here who are super upset that things played out like this.....dude your fellows tried to do some creepy shit

wtf is this song actually in english?!

sells the machine some fish surely that will help

where the FUCK is this

pascal has a jetpack....

wait i'm underground now? like super deep where the one sidequest is....

can we not with the salvation = death shit!!!!

oops i got crushed

oh my god this is the first time i've had to pick a dying message.....

THESE MESSAGE OPTIONS.....

the one it made for me was "A carefree android fell in the depths of hell"

going with "A sea-loving android could not get up again somewhere very dark"

okay better go pick up my body. it's on a conveyor belt with squishy thingies so uh, hopefully, i'll get to it....

oh nice it put it at the start of the conveyor belt

wait what's the difference between retrieving and repairing body

googles it

repair has a risk of it becoming hostile???? no thank u,

9S!!! had a picture of him that time!!!! aaaaaaaaaa

CAN WE STOP WITH THE KAMIKAZE BOTS....

tries to platform across the top of this area but the machines keep coming and knocking me off >:c

you'd think they'd stop spawning eventually!

2B!! why do you keep just walking backward off the edge!!!!

oh my GOD i cannot get across these fucking platforms! i don't think i'm supposed to be going this way but that's exactly why I'm going this way!

OH MY FUCKING GOD 2B STAY ON THE FUCKING PLATFORM

SHE JUST FUCKING YEETS HERSELF THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION FOR NO GODDAMN REASON

STOP FUCKING RANDOMLY YEETING YOURSELF

finally

weapon get!

engine blade....magic.....royal family

wait is that fuckin' Noctis's sword??? it's here????

based on the weapon story: YUP

watches pascal fall through every hole in the stairs

continues to take EVERY side path on the way out

elevator or door???

let's try the elevator

oh thank god, save point

OH it's the same one from earlier

still good!

oh fuck more crushers

this time with steam so i can't see what's happening

these poor machines.....this is why you don't join cults!!!!

platforms through this entire area

OH AM I FINALLY DONE HERE

AM I OUT

THIS SEGMENT WAS LONG

IT'S 4:30 IN THE MORNING

OH FUCK I ACCIDENTALLY KILLED A FRIENDLY....i should've talked to him....

i thought he was dead, i was destroying the bodies

get me out of here

that's an arena if ever i saw one

YUP THERE GOES THE EXIT

AND HERE COMES THE SPIDER

9S continues to save my ass

this thing's got a celestial script name!!! uhh

SOS...E....I???? SOSEJ? ....Sausage?

probably SOSEI

did this fucker just find a new way to make itself impervious to attacks

not quite, whew

and i get an epic anime samurai takedown!

surely it's over now....surely....

elevator clearly going up, thank god

....ironically

ohhh and that's the OTHER elevator

okay is this the way out of here? i think it is....

im gonna have to cw this part huh...i have not been explicit about what's going on because IF YOU KNOW THEN YOU KNOW but

jeezums

it's fucking disturbing

god the eight machines who greeted me when i walked in are all......fuuuuuuck

get me the fuck out of here

i was right. eve is not happy.

very much not

he also still hasn't learned to wear clothes--

uh

eve

eve bruh

that does NOT look healthy

pascal OUT like i must go my people need me

AND NOW THE RESISTANCE CAMP IS UNDER ATTACK

it's probably eve out for revenge like he just SAID he'd do

i should probably stop for the night but

uh

everything happens so goddamn much!

oh huh both the resistance camp and pascal's village are down due to interference....

in the interest of not borking my sleep schedule overmuch i am stopping here for the night

buuuut i do not work tomorrow so we're on

[elvencantation]

gyadl ep20 liveblog

(previous)

-uhh… the troupe’s crying is a little… ridiculous

-MY GOD BOTH OF YOU ARE SO GODDAMN SELF EFFACING

-why did i expect xxc to be any less of a problem than he was before 😒

-HES HAD TWO AND A HALF BOTTLES OF SOMETHING I ASSUME IS MUCH STRONGER THAN WINE HOW IS HE NOT DEAD

-if he’s mean to lfs i will fly through and kill him

-DONT FUCKING BLAME LFS YOURE THE ONE WHO CAUSED HER DADS DEATH

-“in tianying’s eyes im just a murderer” THATS CAUSE U ARE BOYO BUCKLE UP AND GROW A PAIR AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR UR FUCKIN DECISIONS

-and ur making fusheng sad again, cause he still cares about you EVEN THOUGH YOURE A PIECE OF SHIT XXC

-DONT YOU DARE CALL FUSHENG SELFISH HE’S BEEN DOING THIS ALL FOR YOU AND HER AND NOTHING FOR HIMSELF, NOTHING EVER FOR HIMSELF

-HES BEEN TEARING PIECES OFF HIMSELF TO HELP YOU, TO HELP HER, TO HELP HONG LAN, AND ALL OF YOU BREAK HIS HEART IN RETURN?!!?

-IM SO MAD AT XXC ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY

-i love how i can be both incandescently angry and sad enough to cry at the same time

-i cant watch this. i just cant. i have to fast forward i cant watch him saying all the worst things to lfs and lfs not standing up for himself at all

-GREAT NOW ANOTHER ONE OF HIS CHOSEN FAMILY HAS SHUNNED HIM

-I CANT DO THIS

-so xxc’s dad is even more controlling and horrible than i realized. i see where xxc gets it from

-nice to know he’s indoctrinating xxc and xxc is an idiot and will probably latch onto this and become a power hungry self righteous asshole

-BOY WHATRE U DOING!! GO HOME! YOU HAVE A BED!!

-watch lfs come and pay respects and xxc not even to show up. not that he’s welcome. but still. XXC YOU ARE NOT WORTH LFS’ PINKY TOENAIL CLIPPING

-HES A GOOD BOY

-the LAST thing we need right now is for hong lan to also get involved. dear god just get a fuckin life!!

-MY BOYS LOOK SO FANCY

-why they wearing black tho

- i cannot

-OH NO XXC SHOWED UP GO AWAY NOBODY WANTS U HERE

-also i realize how this is gonna look to him cause lfs is already there and xxc’s tiny ape mind cannot comprehend how you can do something for someone you love without it being romantic or without expecting anything in return

-YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO TALK TO HER XXC. YOU STAND THERE, YOU LISTEN TO WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY, AND THEN YOU LEAVE

-WHATS THE USE IN BLAMING YOURSELF IF IT MEANS YOURE PUTTING THE EMOTIONAL BURDEN ON HER. AGAIN. TO ACCOMODATE YOUR FEELINGS, YOU SELFISH PIECE OF CRAP?

-DONT YOU DARE GRAB HER JUST LET HER FUCKING GO YOUVE ALREADY KILLED HER FUCKING FATHER AND ARE TRYING TO MAKE HER FORGIVE U FOR IT

-exCUSE ME?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DOES TAHT MEAN?!?!

-MY FUCKING HEART

-LFS TELLING HER IN THE ONLY WAY HE CAN THAT HER LIFE IS HERS TO LIVE NOW, AND HER FATHER WOULD BE HAPPY IF SHE MADE HER OWN CHOICES AND LIVED HER LIFE AND WAS HAPPY- IM EMO!!!!!!

-NOW THEYRE BOTH CRYING AAAAAAAAAAA

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-THANK YOU FOR BEING THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON WHO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES WHAT LFS HAS DONE FOR YOU AND FOR THANKING HIM

-yes, you are a useless man tianci. and a real shitty person

[nevergenders]

infodump !!

i wanna infodump about my music but not give too much away about my plans!!!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

there’s so much i want to do and so little i have financially available currently. like i need to replace a lot of my audio equipment, actually; first one being my bass amp because it buzzes like a motherfucker, and then my audio processor. also if i wanna start playing shows i need a couple more things for that too.

i also wanna start playing a lot more with the production of my songs but theres so fucking much to explore there and i have no idea where to start, like i really want to figure out synth without spending a whole lot of fucking money just so i can sit there and be bad at it for a long time until i’m kind of okay at it. i also really love the idea of getting real recorded string instruments and stuff for my song, but god my music DOES NOT pay for itself at this point in time, and i don’t currently have a job or any income for that matter.

i’m also finally FINALLY getting back into writing, and it feels so good this time because i don’t fall into a pit of self hatred anytime i write anything anymore. but at the same time i forgot how fucking intense it is, i have a few songs that are just basic skeletons that i have so much more to fill out and i forgot how to approach that. i also completely forgot how to write vocal melodies, and i need to figure that out REAL soon because i guess i got bad at it not writing for several years in a row and i want to have an album or ep written by the time my school reopens campus, thats my goal. and i do have one release planned but LITERALLY ALL IT’S MISSING IS VOCALS!!!

i also forgot how fuckin obsessed i was in high school with concept albums and how much i just wrote out super involved storylines and characters and extra things that would be included??? how was i that creative?? how do i do that again??? mcr made me fall in love with concept albums and i have like two vague concepts in mind currently for whatever i’m doing next but i’m still super clueless on how to approach it.

i’ve also been trying to take extra time recently to get better at my instruments. however i’m super confused about why getting more comfortable playing bass made me worse at guitar. like i started getting better at bass and suddenly my guitar skills are way worse. i want to be good at both dammit lol but i’m working on my rudiments and trying to get better at playing my own fucking songs and figuring out what the hell i’d even do playing a show all by myself onstage.

and i just wanna add on the end here that i had a vague amount of motivation for this summer going into quarantine but the other day cody actually suggested i try to be self-sufficient for a while because finding bandmates you really vibe with is super difficult. and i totally understand that about having bandmates, and i do like having something that’s my own baby, it’s just so fucking much haha as i’m typing all this out i’m like “damn i’m really doing this all by myself!” cody said he might be down to write with me once he’s done writing for sio’s new album and man i just love him so much haha i’m trying to get back on my feet again and i love that this time i’m letting people support me, it’s helping a lot. i really appreciate all the people who have lifted me up since i released my music, and i’m actually surprised at how my music has grown on spotify (even though it probably doesn’t really look like it to other people, but the fact that choke on a joke is on its way to 4k listens is a little crazy to me).

anyways i have just realized lately how much i have to do and i’ve become really motivated by it. and soon i’m gonna have a degree to back me up but i really just want to chase this, especially if i can figure out how to start playing shows by myself. when pipe dreams released people asked if i had plans for even more music and i had to be like “ahahaha i guess but probably not anytime soon! who knows when i’ll be able to force myself to write again!” i feel so much better than that right now and i’m super proud of myself :’)