#ITS 130 AM GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

[minniiaa]

NOOOO (YESSSS) AN ANON PUT A SIMP LULAW HEADCANON ASK IN MY INBOX AND NOW I'M 6 PAGES INTO A FULL-BLOWN ONESHOT WITH PLOT WHY AM I LIKE THIS???

[mineofilms]

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry…

Where to begin… I have been a type 2 diabetic since 2013. I got diabetes from excessive partying/drinking, originally. I continued to behave like this till June 2020. Granted, I wasn’t going as hard, in general, over the years, but each year and hardship I found myself going back to those old vices more frequently.

When the pandemic struck SWFL my drinking went up about 400%. No joke. I trained 4 days on and drank the other 3 days, hard. I did that from March to late June.

I caught Covid-19 around June 26th. By July 11th I needed to be hospitalized for Diabetic Ketoacidosis (where the body produces excess blood acids; ketones. This occurs when there isn't enough insulin in the body. It can be triggered by infection or other illness.) & Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas. It happens when digestive enzymes start digesting the pancreas itself.) I was in ICU for 36 hours and in the hospital for 5 days. I lost 21 lbs over that time.

3 days after I got home from the hospital, Macular Edema (blood vessels in the retina burst and bleed into the eyes), set in. That took about a month to heal only for Diabetic Retinopathy (those same blood vessels that burst heal and are inflamed).

Usually requires anti-inflammatory shots into the eye ball and laser surgery to burn away some of the excess scar tissue. These cost thousands of dollars without insurance, which I do not have. I have read that they can heal on their own, but it takes about 8-12 months. I am in month 4.

However, I actually cannot confirm if that statement about them healing on their own is actually true or not. Some notes in journals say yes while other, more creditable sites, say no. One must get treatment.

Now let me be clear that Covid-19 did not cause my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis. My lack of proper care for my diabetes caused these. I was already in the yellow and when I got Covid-19 it just put me in the RED. I now, at this point, required medical care or I would die. Those are the facts about me getting Covid-19, my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis…

Flash-Forward to now… I got my blood sugars down to near normal (high) levels. This means my blood sugar is still high, but for me, I used to walk around at 400. 500-600 is diabetic coma. 80-120 is considered normal. I walk around between 130-230, currently, fasted.

I have not had a drink since June 26th. I will never drink again. I can’t.

1) Alcohol has thoroughly ruined my adult life in all sorts of areas besides this. It got me sick to begin with among, other, things.

2) If I drink I could be back in the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis, again.

3) I made a deal with GOD. If I have to live through this (I prayed to die that night) that I would never drink again.

What kind of dick lies to GOD lol? A decade ago I would have… I hated everything about the concept of GOD. Now, I have come to terms that if there is or there isn’t; it doesn’t matter. I value me, my beliefs. Why not carry myself with that respect. I do not need to tell or share my beliefs with others. I care not for such things.

I am solely worried about my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health.

I did not quit drinking because of addiction issues or any of that business. I made the choice because if I didn’t my pancreas would fail and I would be dead in a few months. That is how bad my pancreas was… I do not see myself as someone that is doing all this for attention. I have barely even made mention of this whole story on my social media. I have told people in direct messages, but I do not post everything that is happening in my life on social media.

Granted this Tumblr account is considered social media, but I do not use it for that purpose. It is strictly for my BLOG entries. I do not follow people on Tumblr. I post, get my URL and share it that way. Its not in your face on Facebook or anything, but one can click the link and go read about the crazy things in my head.

Taking care of my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health is a full time job in and of itself. Now, currently I cannot work. I can only drive during the day. I cannot see well enough to drive at night.

I have other medical issues stemming from this and it is quite the laundry list. However, I think I gave you all enough to think about.

I am back in great shape now. Since I quit drinking and got back from the hospital I went from 119 to 163 lbs. I have not been this big since 2012. Right before I believe my Diabetic State started. My strength is coming back with a vengeance too. I am putting up more weight than I have in nearly a decade.

I have had to make serious and big changes to EVERYTHING in my life.

My computer is now changed from dual 22 inch monitors to one 46 inch monitor. I have to make changes like this just to see well enough to do some things on the computer.

I am still very blind. My vision has decent days and some days I cannot see much of anything. I cannot see my phone without a magnifying glass. I just got my eyes looked at several times cause my power keeps shifting and now my current glasses setup does not exactly help much. My computer glasses are ok for this, but my normal bifocals are pretty useless.

However; I do feel like I can write a little bit more now. I have a few blogs I want to write and then go right back into the novel. This might be the only realistic possibility of me being able to work to earn my keep. Normal 9-5, Monday-Friday are out of the question, indefinitely.

Not only am I not well enough for the grind, physically. My mental health is very questionable. I have had issues for years now. I have had about 20 jobs in 15 years. I have done a real number on my mental health over the years. Always trying to do more, work harder than the next person so I can make that “good money” that some always throw in my face. I did the work. I put in the time, but only to be messed with. Yes, I have that sort of mental issue.

One tries to mess with me. Mess with the positive shit I am doing. I lose my head pretty quick. I have repeatedly demonstrated over the course of my life that I have no restraint at all when it comes to that feeling of being seriously fucked with and have them look at you like; “What are you gonna do about it?”

Well that is it… I always do something about it. Even when I know I shouldn’t. It is my worst impulsive trait that I cannot get a handle on. Ever since I was a kid. I wanna say. It started when I was 11 or so.

I have made huge strides in changing my life, my thinking and how I fit into the scheme of things. I have become more an introvert than an extrovert. Even before the pandemic I was going out less and less. Doing things less and less. It got to a point to where I only went out when I could drink and/or the band was playing. I was already becoming less social. So this is nothing overly drastic about that UNLESS you count Facebook activity.

I have not advertised much on my Facebook and for good reasons… I posted about my 6 months of sobriety and the responses I got were all about, pressing on and “the struggle.”

I pulled it down. There was no struggle here. I am not a keep on keepin’ on mannnnnn… Type of Personality… No… I quit drinking so I can live another 10-15, hopefully more, years.  I just went through a friend dying from literally drinking himself to death. I know what people go through with their addiction struggles. I have my own reservations about how I feel about said subject matter.

Needless to say I did not appreciate how people view me on Facebook. I no longer post blogs their either. I post here on tumblr and put a link on my Facebook if anyone wants to read. That is about it.

I know people do not read more than a handful of sentences that ends with a weird hashtag or snapchat handle. I get it. It is also my fault because I have not told the Facebook wall/timeline of my mental and medical conditions and struggles. I reserve those conversations to be personal.

So if you want to know stuff, then let us get personal. Pretty much that simple. I do not do FAKE FRIENDS…

I try to be transparent. In the past it was easy, but now everyone has an opinion that they call facts. I do not know how many people I blocked on Facebook for being so damn ignorant or attention seeking.

I know I do not do attention seeking things. When I write it is with intention to say something. I would say 1600+ words on these subjects merits a little more than “attention seeking” behavior…

Things are looking up. I have done soooooooooo much. With so very little and make it look like I have a lot and that everything is fine. No. God Damnit… Everything is not fine. I am kicking ass trying to make something fine but not everything. Everything will never be FINE… Not ever. However, I can strive for it. I can continue to put in that work and just ignore the dumb shit. Which I am becoming pretty good at. I am still me. I am still blunt. If I rough feathers that is just my way of getting those people away from me.

Goodbye 2020… You will never be forgotten and your mark has definitely been left…

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry… By David-Angelo Mineo Words 1,738  12/30/2020

[carace06]

A lot of questions to fill up my ask box

1: Full name CHA

2: Zodiac sign: Gemini

3: 3 Fears: Snakes, deeeeeep ocean, pain of death

4: 3 things I love, my dog(dogs) family, food

5: 4 turns on: knee or thigh highs, lace, 

6: 4 turns off: hygiene, super needy, insane lol, and something else.

7: My best friend: I dont really know, i’ll say the guy ive known for the longest time that I still know, Adam.

8: Sexual orientation: vagina

9: My best first date: Dont remember

10: How tall am I: 5′4-5

11: What do I miss: Gordo

12: What time were I born: like 9:08 am

13: Favourite color: some kinds of green and blue

14: Do I have a crush: sure!

15: Favourite quote: Buy the ticket, take the ride.

16: Favourite place, Currently, Costa Rica, or Paris

17: Favourite food: Im a cook, how long do you have?

18: Do I use sarcasm: Never, dumb shit.

19: What am I listening to right now: Wilco, Impossible Germany

20: First thing I notice in new person: height

21: Shoe size: like 8

22: Eye color: brown

23: Hair color :brown/ dark

24: Favourite style of clothing: whatever im feeling 

25: Ever done a prank call? Used to

26: What colour of underwear I'm wearing now?Red Flannel

27: Meaning behind my URL: I have a flag in my room, and some other stuff.

28: Favourite movie: Fear and loathing, big lebowski, Snatch, into the wild, plentyyy of others

29: Favourite song: dont even ask

30: Favourite band: dont even

31: How I feel right now: very buzzed,and a hurricane is coming!

32: Someone I love: Wrigley, and family

33: My current relationship status: technically single

34: My relationship with my parents: great

35: Favourite holiday: halloween or christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: tattoo on back. wanna get some added

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: look up

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: neighbor

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: nope

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? yep!

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No!

42: When did I last hold hands? dont know

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on what im Getting ready for..... could take 2 min.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? every day

45: Where am I right now? couch in austin texas

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? myself

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? usually loud, again depends

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? no

49: Am I excited for anything? Football season, and the boxing fight haha

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? usually

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Its part of my job

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? have fun

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? probably 

55: What is something I disliked about today?working

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Keith Richards?, though ive heard hes a dick.... Jeff tweedy maybe. 

57: What do I think about most? Life

58: What’s my strangest talent? Drumming?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Snakes

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both

61: What was the last lie I told? i was late to work

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?both yes

64: Do I believe in magic? to an extent

65: Do I believe in luck? sure

66: What's the weather like right now?Hurricane Harvey bitch

67: What was the last book I've read? Im Reading “Meet me in the Bathroom”

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yes

69: Do I have any nicknames? yep. Avocado, Boodah.

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? Getting Stabbed in the back

71: Do I spend money or save it? both  try to save more

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? nope fuck your tongue

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? no

74: Favourite animal? Dog, Cub bear, Panda, 

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM working and drinking

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Natas

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Never gonna give you up

78: How can you win my heart? be someone with the initials AS

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? .......

80: What is my favorite word? Rigmarole

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: meh

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Be Nice to everybody God Damnit!

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Well youre probably pooping some cool color.... but eh, itd be dope to fly and see people and places.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Do you like quizzes

86: What is my current desktop picture?Amber Sherman

87: Had sex? yes

88: Bought condoms?yes

89: Gotten pregnant?close

90: Failed a class?yes

91: Kissed a boy?yes

92: Kissed a girl?yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes

94: Had job? plenty

95: Left the house without my wallet? Alot

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Tried not to

97: Had sex in public? “define public” (AS) lame answer. yes, at least somewhat, not in front of people tho. 

98: Played on a sports team?yes

99: Smoked weed? plenty

100: Did drugs? yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? dont, but yes

102: Drank alcohol? plenty, and currently

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope

104: Been overweight? nah

105: Been underweight? dont think

106: Been to a wedding? yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe

109: Been outside my home country? yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? yes

112: Broken a bone? possibly 

113: Cut myself? just once to see

114: Been to prom? nope!

115: Been in airplane? many

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? they wouldnt fit here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? nah

119: Learned another language? tried

120: Wore make up? yea

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? yes

122: Had oral sex? yes

123: Dyed my hair? yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? yes, stabbed

126: Had a surgery? yes

127: Met someone famous? yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yep

129: Peed outside? Austin Pee Party

130: Been fishing? yes

131: Helped with charity? yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? yes

133: Broken a mirror? yes

134: What do I want for birthday? Have fun

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? who knows

136: Was I named after anyone? Yes family history

137: Do I like my handwriting? meh not always

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? something teenage mutant ninja turtle

139: Favourite Tv Show? wayyyyy too many  ill say Breaking bad

140: Where do I want to live when older? who knows, maybe Austin, if it stops changing.

141: Play any musical instrument? drums, percussion

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i was stabbed in the back, god damn dude

143: Favourite pizza toping? pep, or canadian bacon

144: Am I afraid of the dark? nah

145: Am I afraid of heights? nah though depends 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: plenty

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? of course

148: What I'm really bad at: answering questions

149: What my greatest achievments are: living

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: this question

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: I’d have plans

152: What do I like about myself: hard working.

153: My closest Tumblr friend: @falling-stars8675

154: Something I fantasise about: @falling-stars8675

155: Any question you'd like: @falling-stars8675

There you go @falling-stars8675

let me know what ya think!

[doubleshotofdepressoplease]

I fucking did it!

Ok not my usual content but I'm so happy I wanna tell everyone lol. I've had really high blood pressure for like 3 fucking years, 170/120 was at its worst which is like how the fuck am I even alive. My doctor wanted to put me on medication but im 25 not 40 so I said fuck that and just did diet/exercise. Anyway now its 4 months later, 30lbs lighter, and I just got it measured. Drumroll please ... 130/86! Fuck yes! It's still a little high but god fucking damnit I'm so happy!

[remusluqins]

The Crown; thoughts so far.

Yes, the royal british family is one of the arguably more problematic rulers of the world; but god fucking damnit if The Crown isn't one of the best series I've ever seen. The beauty of both settings and characters?? . It is said to be one of the most expensive shows ever made with a budget of over 130 million dollars, but I can vouch that every single cent is well-spent, especially when it comes to the set design. God the fucking set designs... Its as if you stepped into a doorway that leads straight into the Second Elizabethan era.

I'm still five episodes into the first season, but even this early I can understand the hype around this show and how it differs from other "Royal Family Dilemmas and Romance" series. No I am Not indirecting any other shows, for your information.

[persephones-closet]

God Fucking Damnit

Why is my life such a fucking shit show lately???  It started maybe July 1st, I was trying to do something nice for my boyfriend Eric by taking him to see and meet his family.  We didn’t get out until midnight and on the way back to DC I got caught by one of those goddamned camera tickets.  $100.. flash forward to now and I’m hitting a breaking point after all the other shit I’ve been putting up with.  The breaking point being a denied written rebuttal letter i was so convinced would work.  The people online told me it would!  How could they deny me?  Those cameras are bullshit and everyone knows that.  Normally I don’t contest those tickets because I am clearly in the wrong all the time knowingly breaking the law - but this time was different.  I didn’t even see the 25 mph sign.  And my boyfriend also didn’t see it (not that he was looking as hard I guess).

I don’t blame him for me getting caught by a camera.  I do blame him for not being on my side to contest it.  Why not even attempt to contest it?  And I blame him for not helping me with it.  I’m on my own.  He doesn’t even care.

Anyway, after that, early August I decided to get a haircut because I was going to go out of town for business.  The same day, I had an eye appointment.  I wanted to get some lowlights and asked the lady if she could do pretty copper lowlights, subtle.  She gave me ... dark berry red streaks.  Thick ones.  All over.  Not subtle.  My hair is still orangey from trying to dye it back to normal.  I was pissed... it was $130 and also caused me to miss my eye appointment by about 8 minutes.  So that meant I couldn’t get contacts until after my trip.  I was pissed.  I threw my phone.

Yeah, that was a bad idea.  My phone has taken a beating before, but it also hadn’t been updated in God knows how long.  So of course the night before my trip, it finally waved its last goodbye.  It died.  Like, completely.  A brick.

The day of my trip, my boyfriend took me to the Verizon store and apple store.  They refused to take it back and couldn’t fix it, but I ended up getting a brand new phone.  So after this I’m going to have to find a different way to express my rage I guess.

The trip was absolutely the most hellish, compared to what everyone else was telling us to expect.  Other said it would be a blast.