#IT'S A LOT EASIER WHEN THERE'S ONLY ONE GODDAMN CONTINUITY

[nari-writes]

(through gritted teeth) wow I looove adapting canonical character backstory for an au it's my f a v o u r i t e. So much fun. The bestest <3

[sixosix]

wanderer can fly; you cannot. he makes it his problem.

“What? Giving up already?”

“Shut—” heaving, you barely have the energy to flip him off, “shut the fuck up. Fuck off.”

Wanderer chuckles, all low and mean, as if his entire purpose in life is to ridicule you. He continues ascending overhead, moving and looking like an angel, but the words that come out of his mouth are far from angelic. “Careful, now. I know you overestimate yourself, but I won’t save you if you continue to scale a mountain with one hand.”

“Stop agitating me on purpose then!” You nearly slip from the intensity of your yell, but thankfully, it isn’t your time yet.

“How can I? You��re cute when you’re mad.”

Grumbling, you focus back on the mountain. Cute when mad. He must think he’s goddamn adorable, then.

You’re starting to lose sight of dents or protruding surfaces to get a hold of, and the mountain is getting steeper. You curse under your breath. If only you had Geo or Dendro—that’d help a lot much more. Maybe even Anemo, but that would be admitting defeat to the man who’s currently watching you intently.

Wanderer scoffs when your breath hitches, the surface you’re holding onto crumbling. He descends until you’re eye level. “Idiot, I told you that it’d be safer if we didn’t climb this all the way.”

“I know my limit.” Maybe. You may or may not have gotten a little over-competitive and jumped a few times, but that shouldn’t be a problem.

“Not more than I do,” he says.

“Don’t say it like that, weirdo.” You appraise the mountain overhead and, with a sunken stomach, realize that he’s right. There’s still a long way to go, and it’s a long fall back.

“Damn,” you say. You turn to Wanderer and blink up at him with wide eyes, hoping he would take the hint without having to say it outright.

Wanderer sighs, holding out his arms. “Jump.”

“Are you serious?”

“I won’t let you fall—of course I’m fucking serious.”

You grit your teeth, wondering if it’s easier to humiliate yourself and jump into his arms or to let gravity do its work.

“Hey,” Wanderer says, gliding closer and hovering an arm behind your waist. “No stupid ideas. Just jump and hold onto me.”

It’s always unsettling when Wanderer is not acting all bratty, like you’re not quite sure if you should goad him back to being mean or watch him bristle when you point it out. It’s been happening too often recently. That must be saying something about him if his soft moments are scarier than his jabs.

Wordlessly, you reach out for his shoulder with one hand and hold back a yelp when the lack of balance causes you to slip. You hold on tight around his neck, eyes wide and heart jittery. Wanderer secures his arms, moving in one swift motion. Before you even know it, he has one arm on your back and the other under your knees.

“How convenient it must be to have a ride as your companion,” Wanderer mutters in amusement at your relieved face.

“Yeah. That’s why I keep you around,” you say as he glides upward, barely straining from your weight. He looks as unaffected as ever.

He looks as infuriatingly and devastatingly beautiful as ever.

“Ha,” his smile is all sharp, “and not because you have a little crush on me?”

“You follow me around because you do. Don’t get it twisted.”

He snorts, tipping on something a little more genuine. You wisely decide to stop ogling at his face and enjoy the view of the sky instead. The blue of his clothes and the shade of his eyes are much prettier, but you’d rather lose that than start squirming in his arms. Not when he’s carrying you bridal style and all.

Finally, he descends, hardly disturbing the grass with his grace. He sets you down, arms crossed, as you pat yourself off from dirt and stuff.

“Well?”

You eye him warily. “What do you want?”

“Some semblance of manners will do,” he says, then leans close as if he’s baring his face for you. He’s been less and less subtle recently, too.

Nonetheless, you find yourself smiling. The things he’d do just to get a kiss—it nearly makes you laugh out loud. But then he’d start getting all irritated like a cat, and you much prefer when he’s sweet like this. Sweet in his very Wanderer way, you mean.

You kiss him on the cheek. He puffs up like some proud peacock. He calls you adorable all the time, but he’s the one who’s acting like this. It’s no wonder you keep him around.

[iluvloganhowlett]

Not really a proper request but I’d love some more fluff??? Maybe winding down after a tough mission??? As much as I’d love to fuck the man I’m also a silly romantic who wants to just hold hands 😕

I’M PROUD OF YOU ⟢

in which logan’s never been exposed to affection before you, so he still is taken back when you show it.

warnings: insane fluff, softie!logan, mutant!reader

i lowkey changed the plot of the first x-men movie if you squint but ignore that. this also takes place during the time of x-men (2000) and X2, kinda in between iykwim

this is the corniest shit ever sos.. sorry to disappoint😗

if you were to ask logan what his favorite feeling was, he’d probably tell you that he doesn’t have feelings and that you’re a goddamn moron. however upon rare occasion he might cheese about how he felt when he first met you.

that day was the first time logan had felt what love was, what it could be.

—

like logan, you too were a result of an experiment that left you with claws and adamantium insides. the x-men had picked you both up at the same time, making their first mistake by leaving you alone in a room to stab each other to what would’ve been death. however the mistake was made up for when jean caught you and logan on top of the roof while trauma bonding with a side of beer.

nobody could’ve prepared logan for the day he’d meet someone so much like him. mostly because nobody knew that day would ever come.

but, damn, was he glad it did.

—

“babe!” you heard logan whine from the bedroom just on the other side of the door of the bathroom you occupied.

you smiled, “one second!” you pleaded, muffled by the toothbrush and toothpaste in your mouth. you circle the brush around your mouth once more, smiling in the mirror as you glide your tongue over your sharp fangs before spitting out the toothpaste.

upon opening the bathroom door, you wipe your mouth before throwing the hand towel somewhere in the bathroom.

the second that logan feels the bed dip beside him, his eyes flash open and a cheesy smile takes over his face.

“hi.” you smile, stroking his forearm with your thumb.

“hi,” he looks almost drunk on you, and you loved it.

you adjusted yourself to lie flat on your back, allowing logan to come snuggle on top of you. you felt his large hands wrap under your body and around your waste, pulling your bodies as close together as they could possibly go.

as you began to run your hands through logan’s soft hair, you could feel his body loosen as a long, shaky sigh escaped his mouth.

you brushed through logan’s faux ears, twisting them around your fingers to make them stand up higher.

you tilt your head, looking down at logan with pure adoration. “y’know lo,” you start, pulling logan’s hair back gently and forcing him to look you in the eyes.

he hums, urging you to continue. “you did a good job these past few days, i’m proud of you.” you smile softly, continuing to stroke his hair carefully.

oddly enough, you felt logan tense up again, but it was different this time. he wasn’t mad, or upset. it almost felt as if he was adjusting to your words; taking them in.

“what?” he asks, almost silently, looking up at you with large eyes.

you swear you could feel your heart near snap in half at how unnatural affection felt to logan. you had been through amounts of trauma and torture, too. a lot of it with logan, even if you have no remembrance of it. however the art of showing love just came easier to you than it did to logan.

you cup his face in your hands, his facial hair rough against your soft hands. “i’m proud of you, lo. i’m proud of how you handled yourself these past few days,” you reassured, gliding your thumb across his skin so slow that it almost pained him.

he only continues to stare at you, studying your face with love and tenderness.

you giggle; a sound that logan could listen to on repeat for days on end. “this is the part where you say ‘thank you, sugar. i love you.” you slide your hands past his ears and down his neck to his shoulders, holding them with a soft but firm grip. you kiss your way from his neck down to where your hands sit, leaving your head there, your chin sitting on logan’s shoulder.

“i love you, sugar. thank you.”

“close enough.”

taglist!! (like this post to be added)

@velvrei

—

[mokulule]

A Pinch of Salt - Part 4

First | Masterpost

The final part of the first installment of the Salt in the Bones series which is a project co-created with @clockwayswrites, you can see the other stuff written for it in the masterpost link above or go to the first part.

-

John looked at the kid, who just stepped inside the fucking binding circle. His mouth fell open in shock.

“What is wrong with you!?” It wasn’t so much a question as it was an exclamation, and John didn’t wait for any answer. “Of all the sodding, daft, goddamn tossers - what were you bloody thinking? No, you weren’t thinking. Otherwise you wouldn’t have fucking done that. You DO NOT go into the blasted circle!”

“Are you done?”

“Am I-“ John spluttered.

Are you done? He asked, as if John was the unreasonable one here! “Oh you’re right chuffed, aren’t you mate? Well, you cocked up, you’re about to be banished right alongside the storm, you little git!”

“Then stop the banishing or banish us both. It’s your choice.” Kid stood, back straight, jaw clenched stubbornly and a frown over those wide blue eyes. His hair and clothes whipped violently from the storm, but he didn’t care, just kept his eyes on John.

John raised his hands in frustration, words dying on his tongue. It would serve him right!

It would serve him right; he stepped into the bloody circle. It wasn’t John’s fault. Everything was going fine for once and maybe that should have been John’s warning. Whatever was up with the kid he apparently had a soft spot for ghosts - even after John had told him several times that the spirit was gone. It’d gone nova. No coming back. The end. It would continue it’s rampage until it burned out. It would hurt and destroy indiscriminately.

And yet he still-

It would serve him right to get sent to Hell alongside it. It wouldn’t even be the first time someone John worked with got sent to Hell for their trouble. John Constantine was bad luck for everyone around him. It happened.

But it was different when John held the reins of the spell that did it, when he had the choice to stop it.

Still John was at his wits end. If he stopped the banishing, the kid was still trapped in the circle with the spectral storm. If he broke the circle they were back at square one except they were in the center of the storm’s power and it was even angrier.

It was easier, safer, to just continue the banishing. Kid had made his stupid arse decision. John wasn’t a good person. He did what was necessary. Ends and means and all that.

But he was a bloody kid - a teenager - they were basically obligated to do stupid shit. Didn’t mean he deserved to get sent to Hell for it. John had seen and done a lot of shit, but when it came right down to it he didn’t want to add sending a kid to Hell.

John had seen enough dead kids to last him a lifetime.

“Oh bollocks.” John let his arms fall and cut the feed to the banishing spell, wincing slightly at the backlash. “You better have a plan kid.”

The kid had to have some sort of abilities with that aura, maybe all hope was not lost? The kid grimaced and John’s forced optimism crumbled like so much sand.

“I-“ the kid winced as something in the storm hit the back of his head. He rubbed the spot, and looked almost apologetic, “I figured I’d try talking to them.”

John stared.

And stared.

“Or-“ the kid backtracked, “just calm them down somehow?”

“You cannot ‘calm down’ a spectral storm!” John felt like a broken record on repeat. “It’s impossible.”

He threw up his hands and walked exactly three steps away counting his breaths all the while wracking his brain for a different solution. There weren’t any good ones. Heck it was a miracle the kid hadn’t already been torn to pieces being inside the circle.

“We’re dead,” he lamented dramatically.

“Half-dead.”

John’s head snapped around at the weird response.

“I mean,” the kid tried for a smile, “I’m the only one in the circle.”

John stared in despair. The kid’s sense of humor needed serious work.

“I’m not gonna leave you in the bloody circle, kid.”

Danny stood struck wide eyed at the admission. That was- He didn’t know how to deal with that. There was a pang in his chest. He felt too open, too vulnerable. He swallowed before finding his voice.

“Just let me try something, okay?”

Danny turned around to face the center of the storm, he instantly had to squeeze his eyes near shut, from all the dust. Instinctively he took a breath and coughed. Okay breathing not good. Too bad he was human right now.

He had to get closer, closer to that screaming grief. He might be human right now, but he was also a ghost and the anger from earlier was just a thin veneer on top of grief on top of a cry for help. He felt it in his core like scrabbling hands desperately looking for purchase.

He took a step forward, hands up to shield his face, pushing against the wind. Another step. Then another.

How was he gonna calm them down?

Danny didn’t know. He knew fighting. He’d even sometimes recently had luck with talking. But this? It was way beyond talking, until they were calm there would be no such thing. Danny didn’t know what to do. He could only press on and hope an idea came to him.

The grief was stronger the closer he got to the center, it tore into him. Tears trickled down his cheeks and turned into gunk from the dust. Something sharp cut into his bare arms. Danny frowned, kept his head down and pushed forward.

Another step and the grief sunk sharp claws into his core. He screamed clutching his chest and gasping for breath that would do nothing. But the claws were gone as soon as they’d come, retreated as if they’d touched fire.

“Are you alright kid?!”

Danny spared a quick glance back to Trenchcoat who stood all the way up to the edge of the circle, face white as if he’d seen a ghost. Danny couldn’t help smiling at that. Something that alarmed Trenchcoat even further.

“I’m breaking the circle.”

“Don’t,” Danny coughed clearing his throat.

Danny looked back up, squinting through the swirling dust. It may not be visible, but something had changed. There was still the anger and grief, but something else too. A sense of waiting. Waiting to see what Danny would do. They had tried tearing him, the trespasser, apart down to his core, but in doing so they had felt him. They had felt his intention to help and retreated.

Trenchcoat was wrong, there was still a sentience there. Danny found himself grinning in triumph.

But even better Danny had an idea. His core vibrated giddily in his chest. He was a bit sore, but otherwise none the worse for wear. He just needed to reach out and connect with the ghost, he felt sure he could calm them. He just he needed a distraction, he didn’t need Trenchcoat to realize he was the one doing anything ghostly. He wracked his brain, something that made noise, drew attention, was maybe a bit ridiculous, but didn’t take much of his attention from the real work-

That was it!

“Twinkle-“ his voice broke on the first word but gained strength as he continued- “twinkle little star,” Danny sang. He didn’t need to look back to see the incredulous look on Trenchcoat’s face.

He kept singing, he knew that song by heart. His mom used to sing it to him, back when she actually put him to bed. There was a stab of melancholy, but Danny clutched on to the positive aspect of the memory and reached out with his core, its hum getting stronger.

It’s okay, he told the ghost, help. Safe. Peace. Calm.

He took step by step further into the calming storm. And all the while he sung them a lullaby.

John stared.

Then he stared some more. He was doing a lot of staring today.

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, what he was hearing.

The kid was was singing a lullaby to the spectral storm. And that wasn’t even the most baffling thing. No, the kid was singing a lullaby to the spectral storm and it was bloody working.

The storm gradually calmed until suddenly it was gone. The silence was loud in the sudden emotional void. John staggered from the sudden lack of pressure. All that malice gone in an instant. All that was left was a gently cupped ball of light in the kids hands.

“There you are,” the kid said softly in a slightly scratchy voice.

John couldn’t believe what he was witnessing. It was impossible and yet here they were.

There was a flash of light and suddenly they stood in a house. Built brick by brick by two pairs of hands. Children ran through the rooms. They grew up. They had kids of their own, who had kids of their own. They lived and they loved and they were protected.

Then they were gone.

The door shut for the last time. The house was empty.

A large metal ball slammed through the walls, spreading dust and splintering the doorframe that had measured the growth of generations. It was torn down.

It had stood here, right in what would be the plaza.

The translucent shade of an old women, bent and bony from a life of hard work, hovered in front of the kid. She warbled sadly at him. John couldn’t understand anything but the deep sadness, but it seemed the kid did.

“It’s okay,” he said embracing the spirit, somehow managing to do so despite her definitely not being solid. “You’ve done your best, nobody could ask more of you.”

He paused and his voice softened further, “it’s time to let go.”

The old lady looked over at John and gave him a stern look that had him frozen in place. She was the type of grandma that would wack his fingers if she caught him going for the cookie jar. He wasn’t entirely sure what the look he got meant. Only that it felt like an admonishment.

She looked back on the kid and her features softened, smoothed and in the next moment she turned to mist in his arms, dispersing in the waning light coming from the overhead windows.

John couldn’t entirely believe what he’d just witnessed. Calling a spirit back once they’d gone nova, it was impossible. Unheard of. Banishment was how you dealt with spirits like that. It was a tried and tested method. Yet-

John shivered.

Death magic. It was the only explanation.

The kid reeked of it, to the point John had thought he was the ghost he was here to deal with. He’d thought he was some kind of creature, but he was just a kid. A kid with a very specific magical affinity who’d just done the impossible. He was filled with a sense of awe and dread he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

He felt shaken. Like he’d stood right next to a bell who’d been rung to herald change.

John was no prophet, at most he’d get vague premonitions and he far preferred to be in the moment rather then dwell on the future or the past. He most definitely did not want to even contemplate this kid’s future. He swallowed.

Magic, in John’s experience, always came with a cost.

The kid promptly sat down on his butt. John had broken the circle and was running over before he even realized.

“You okay, kid?” He asked breathlessly.

The kid looked up, eyes a bit dazed as he blinked at John. John couldn’t really tell if his complexion was grey or it was just the dust covering every inch of him. Several places, particularly his hands, the dust was dark from blood where he’d been cut in the storm. He looked unfocused.

“How many occult detectives are you seeing?” He asked unable to hide the note of worry.

“Too many,” Kid said tiredly with a shake of his head that had cement dust falling all over. Then he looked back up and elaborated with a smirk, “one.”

John huffed a laugh. If he could joke he couldn’t be that bad off.

“How does burgers and fries sound?”

-

The kid now dusted off to the point where you could almost tell his hair was black rather than grey sunk his teeth into the burger with a pleased hum. He chewed and swallowed.

“This is almost as good as Nasty Burger.”

John paused fry halfway to his mouth. “That sounds disgusting.”

Kid laughed. “I forget how it sounds to outsiders. It used to be Tasty Burger way back when they first opened, but someone vandalized the sign and it kinda stuck.”

John hummed thoughtfully, he could appreciate the joke. Kid’s use of the phrase outsiders made it sound like he came from an insular town. Probably best for him if he stayed there.

“What’s your name, kid?”

Instantly the blue eyes narrowed on him in suspicion.

“What’s yours, Trenchcoat?” He challenged.

John huffed at the nickname and reached a hand across the table. “John Constantine.”

The kid looked suspiciously at the offered hand, then reached out and took it. “Nightingale.”

John nodded and shook his hand before letting go. Smart of him to give him a codename, he wasn’t apparently completely without sense. “Because of the singing.”

For a moment the kid looked confused to the point where John actually thought maybe he’d given him his real name.

“Singing? Ah-“ He blushed looking down and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “No, that just seemed like a good idea at the time.”

John shook his head, fuck it if he didn’t like the kid. He picked up his milkshake and raised it. He tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

“If it works…”

The kid, Nightingale, grinned ferally and raised his own shake to clink it against John’s.

“If it works.”

-

After filling up the near bottomless stomach of the teenager, they parted ways in an alley. John’s mind was already on his next case - people going missing in a forest in Germany that had a distinct this-is-not-just-a-GPS-dead-zone flavor to it - so he only absently noted the strange look on the kid’s face when he opened the portal. It was morning in Germany, he could start looking into things before calling the House for a proper sleep.

“Take care, kid.”

With those words he stepped into the portal and let it close behind him.

Danny was left looking at the portal. He shook his head, jaw tight. With real magic apparently portals were just easy. It didn’t do him any good to think about. He glanced around and when he found the alley just as empty as before he jumped into the air transforming as he went.

There were better things to think about, like the concept of an occult detective, he thought as he flew in the direction of Amity. It sounded like it could almost be an acceptable profession in his parents’ eyes.

And it probably didn’t require good high school grades either, he thought with a grimace as he remembered he had an essay due tomorrow.

-

Hope you enjoyed this story which explored how Danny and Constantine first met in this AU. Next step is letting it sit for a while, then do a thorough editing and putting it up on ao3 as a oneshot. (And then maybe talk to Clock about starting writing on the main story proper? We'll see). Comments are greatly appreciated :D

Another link to the masterpost if you wanna see the other bits of writing and/or subscribe to the series

[elaemae]

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

Twst x Obey me!AFAB!reader

(Reader is Ob's MC)

CW:

•NO APPEARANCE SPECIFIED FOR READER.

•Poly.

•Cursing.

•Reader is referred to as "you" or they/them and even "he/him" because NRC boys refer to any living humanoid in the school as a male by default.

•Crowley.

•It's my first time writing a fanfiction, pls tell me if I should continue writing this.

(Random pic go brr—)

What will happen when a perpetually hungry-for-cuddles and tired-of-this-shit hooman gets kidnapped by a motherfucking horse and decides (kinda? Yeah nope. This wasn't by choice.) to enroll in a school full of problematic kids and their irresponsible af headmage?

Chaos. Pure and utter chaos with a lot of high-end simping in the mix (Along with the slightly unhinged urge to commit arson and burn a bitch to crisp)

So read as [y/n] tries to run away from the school-life while trying to just get back to their goddamn harem family (God saw this thought and decided that giving y/n more harem members is the appropriate course of action), all while juggling the harsh responsibilities of being a guardian, babysitter, therapist, healer, protector, local crush and celebrity for poor Yuu and the entirety of NRC.

("Pls send help" — y/n)

• • • • •

Disclaimer: You may have been kidnapped to a whole 'nother world and you may be on the verge of a mental breakdown, but you're sure as hell gonna look hot and serve cunt while you go through all your problems.

Prologue: 1

IMPORTANT: Mc will be referred to as they/them in this story, but in these beginning chapters a lot of people will refer to mc as a dude because y'know; NRC is an ALL BOYS school and nrc students came to expect that those in the school are all boys.(this'll change dw)

In order to avoid confusion, every time that the MC is addressed by others as he/him or more; I will color it blue. why blue? I find it easier to read.

Sample; 'He turned to them.'

The "He" in this passage is referring to MC because the character referring to them thinks that they're a guy.

REMINDER: This is Fanfiction! Not everything will be the same as canon because of this thing called the 'butterfly effect'.

• • • •

The Dorm Leaders + lilia were just about to call this Opening Ceremony over.

So close to getting out of this hall and finally being able to go on their merry ways to escort the new students back to their respective dorms before the hectic-ness of preparing for hours starts to catch up to them.

Though, things are never quite that easy in NRC.

A commotion with the students quite far from them leaves the majority of them annoyed/disgruntled. (Kalim is just confused and curious)

The headmaster rushes to check what was wrong only for a student to point out that there is an unopened coffin floating in a shadowy part of the hall.

Armed with the desire to get this shit over with and to avoid embarrassment from missing a coffin when he was going around opening them and also, with Yuu waiting near the mirror, the headmaster opens the coffin to wake the new student inside.

The dorm leaders walked closer to be able to quickly usher the new student to the dark mirror only to notice that the headmaster froze up.

"...Headmaster? Are you alright?" Azul "Boutta-do-sumthin-devious" Ashengrotto asked with faux concern.

"Ah– Ah yes! I'm alright Mr. Ashengrotto."

Crowley the bitch cleared his throat and reached inside the coffin to wake the student up.

"Hmm..."

The dorm leaders subconsciously or not, peaked inside the coffin before getting gobsmacked by the sleeping student.

Sure, the student looked quite cute ("New potential apple locked in" — Vil.) even with half of his face obstructed but what really drew their attention were the jewelries that he was wearing.

Three luxurious looking earrings on each of his ears, all unique from each other, all with a respective color and design except for that one earring with two gemstones connected to it, orange and indigo. Seven gems, six earrings

An ornament on his forehead that looks to be a combination of a circlet and a Ferronnière made from gold, with intricate black bat-like wings surrounding the red gemstone in the middle.

And that's just the jewelry on his head.

There's also the sleek black choker with a golden sheen on his neck with a teal gemstone surrounded by small diamonds hanging in the middle.

They don't know if this guy has anymore but the jewels they can see for now is more than enough for them to make the deduction that this student has some alot of money on his hands.

No wonder the Headmaster froze up.

Azul subconsciously starts fixing up his appearance when he starts to wake up, wanting to make a good impression on a potential, rich victim client.

• • • •

"Mmh... What the hell.. Why is the bed so hard.."

You mumbled as you stirred, feeling someone lightly shaking you awake.

You opened your eyes, expecting maybe the brothers, solomon, dia, barbs, simeon or luke but you were instead met with a face obscured by a dark bird mask.

"..."

"..."

"You have two seconds to unhand me before you lose your hands." or your life. Depends on who I can summon first.

You made your voice as cold and unwelcoming as possible as the man with the bird mask squawked and backed away a bit in shock.

"H– How rude..! I'll have you know that I was only–"

"Where am I?"

You cut off the weird looking bird-man as you scanned your surroundings and moved to come out of the coffin why were you in a coffin? you were in, in fear of it closing and locking you inside.

You glance warily to the bird-man while keeping an eye on the huge number of robed individuals that you can see. are you in a cult? Damnit, did one of the Brothers' crazy cults decide to kidnap you out of jealousy again??

Especially the seven (reminder that lilia is there with the Housewardens) closest to you and bird-dude.

Some solomon-kinnie motherfucker is currently eyeing you down like he's about to sell your kidneys to the black market or something.. Hmm... Your fight or flight instincts are telling you to sell HIS kidneys instead.

*Ehem*

Burd-dude cleared his throat and addresses you.

"It seems that the teleportation magic has left you disoriented... No matter, I can forgive your offense of trying to threaten me for I am gracious!"

He then looked weirdly like a combination of preening peacock and a proud chicken.

"I repeat. Where in the unholy trinity of the three realms, am I?"

Now that raised a few eyebrows.

You feel for the necklace under your clothes that Thirteen gave you, filing the question of why you're also wearing the same robe as these people away, in your head.

While the guy that you now dub-thee as "bird-bitch" started gawking at you and going on a tangent of being disrespectful, you scan the big hall/room you're in looking for ways to escape.

• • • •

Hmm... This new student seems to be a knowledgeable individual.

Lilia kept his gaze on the student, studying how he took on a defensive stance the moment he got out of the coffin.

They need to calm this student quickly before something happens.

The student seems to be confused on why he's here and is looking for a way to get out.

If the way his eyes moved around the room in quick succession is any indicator.

Not the first time that something like this happens but add in the magicless student's appearance, he gets the feeling that something strange will occur once again.

Seeing him take out and grasp the palm-sized gemstone of a whole 'nother necklace hidden under his robe how many trinkets does this boy have??, Lilia got ready to jump in the fray should something happen.

There's a possibility that the student can use that necklace as a weapon if that was what he chose to hold in this situation and not his other shiny ornaments.

Lilia was proven right when the necklace and the gemstone glowed and formed into a fancy-looking staff that the student quickly pointed towards Crowley.

He looked at the dorm leaders around him to see if any of them will do something.

...

yeah no. If anything, they look like they're watching an amusing show. Especially Schoenheit and Kingscholar..

Though it seems more like Riddle is still assessing the situation before he brings out his infamous collar.

Haahh.. Youngsters these days..

Chapter list | → PROLOGUE 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Elae: Sorry if my grammar is off, English isn't my first language.

Btw, Thanks for reading this far! Hope you enjoyed it😊

Srry if my format is also off, I've only been using tumblr for a few days now...

MOST IMPORTANTLY; Should I continue reading this fanfic? I wanna know if people still read Obey mexTwst stories here...

[whetstonefires]

So the thing with the Matrix for me, right, was I could never get past the assertion that the motivation for keeping humans alive was as a power source.

That pinged as so so stupid, and was presented so late and half-heartedly, that I could not understand it as a sincere part of the premise. Like. We're told very dramatically and pretty early that the world was mostly destroyed by humans 'scourging the skies' to block off all solar radiation in the effort to shut down the solar powered robots, evidently forgetting that all life on Earth is solar-powered also. Too comedically dumb to be really tragic imo.

So to pivot from the premise 'there is no life on earth, other than human beings, because the sun is gone' to 'the humans were kept alive as batteries' is an impossibility for me. Our ludicrous mammalian bodies, incredibly inefficient engines entirely reliant on continuous indirect consumption of solar energy to even survive, were somehow yielding a net output? Not only that, but one superior to nuclear or geothermal???? Bullshit.

I mean. Bull. Shit. I cannot. We just underlined in the backstory how all life on earth relies on the sun! Because life is expensive just to maintain and requires constant external energy input! We get milk from cows by keeping them alive, but that's because they turn the grass energy into something easier for us to process; no such mechanism is proposed for humans consuming dead humans and somehow producing a form of energy more useful to the Machines than just waiting for the corpses to dry out and then burning them to run a goddamn boiler.

This makes the direct opposite of sense.

It had to be in-universe propaganda, right? Another layer of the deception? It couldn't be the real reason. It was too implausible. Which meant I was still waiting to find out why the machines were really bothering with humanity and the Matrix.

I would have accepted without quibble the revelation that humans have special psychic energy that the machines were harvesting; that's dumb but in a comfortable, comprehensible, and above all internally consistent sci-fi kind of way.

I would have been quite open to the idea that the machines relied on human consciousness for their own development to true sapience, and the Matrix was primarily an AI nursery with the enmeshed human brains providing complex inputs, that one's actually cool.

There are a lot of explanations out there aside from the dumb official one, or the Occam's Razor one where they were just keeping some humans alive out of sentimentality! I'm really not that picky!

So anyway I never managed to emotionally engage with the Matrix films well because I had this unresolved 'motives of primary antagonist??? cause of fundamental scenario??????' thing making most of the actual plot twist and drama feel kind of boring.

My sister maintains that this is something wrong with me, that I'm refusing to suspend my disbelief and engage correctly with the text, and this constitutes a hostile, bad-faith and therefore illegitimate reading.

(She hasn't actually said this last part and I'd respect her position more if she did, but this seems to be the broad thrust of her emotional position when she starts shouting.)

I maintain that if a central plank of your sci-fi premise relies on going 'fuck the basic principles of thermodynamics and biology this is a vibes-based system' you should be very careful to avoid invoking the relationship between basic thermodynamics and biology in your core worldbuilding.

[misty-doodles]

Drunznoblade headcanons

I don't know if anyone else has done it since it's a fairly small ship, but goddamn it I've got thoughts about these three.

Due to his piglin instincts, Techno continuously thinks Dream and Punz's hair is gold, even if he logically knows otherwise. He loves running his fingers through it or just staring.

Techno's love language is definitely gift giving and receiving. Bro loves giving his boyfriends hand made blades or jewelry, all including gold of course. Something about seeing his lovers in the things he made just makes him happy.

Punz has a lot of piercings and tends to get a lot of the jewelry that Techno makes. He is also the one who knows the kind of jewelry that Techno wears and has enough handy skill to make rings and bracelets.

Punz's love language is definitely acts of service. Being a mercenary, there's no better way to know if they like a person than if they do things for free. They love making their partners' day easier. They're probably the second best cook next to Techno (Dream has been banned from the kitchen) and usually wake earliest to make everyone breakfast

Isn't supper into physical touch but secretly treasures all the simple gestures of affection they receive. Type to get flustered by non conventional affection for sure.

Dream's love language is absolutely physical touch. Whether it's hand holding or casual touches on the arm or hugs and kisses and cuddles, all he wants is to be touching the people he loves. Its not exclusive to Punz and Techno, but it's probably more apparent.

Dream is the biggest instigator of PDA, though usually only techno is up for it. He just likes to hold hands, man.

On the rare occasion all three are together for the night (they're busy people with different sleeping schedules) you can bet they're in some form of a cuddle pile. Techno almost always ends up being used as a pillow since he's that much bigger than them.

Techno runs hot and Dream tends to be colder, so Punz will gravitate to one of them depending on the temperature.

Techno is the most possessive out of the three (part of why he loves making them wearable gifts) and doesn't take kindly to others flirting with his boyfriends.

Neither Punz or Techno know what hybrid type Dream is outside of him having End origins. Dream will never tell them, mostly because he finds their guessing funny.

They're so in sync due to their constant training and love of pvp that having to face all three in battle is basically a suicide mission.

Punz is always the braincell holder. Dream and Techno always get stupider when together.

[wannaeatramyeon]

your sammy content has me screaming, blushing, giggling and kicking my legs!!! idk if you write for this stuff, but would you mind writing what yandere sammy, gun and goo would be like? have a wonderful day <3 - 🌺anon

Fanon Sammy has me reacting exactly the same tbh! TYSM for reading and the ask 🌺🌺🌺🌺❤️

Oof. Toxic, abusive relationships? (And this is also a trigger warning). I haven't made this as dark as it could be but here we go...

Lookism Yanderes: Gun Park, Goo Kim, Samuel Seo

A snippet into their toxicity

Gun Park

"How was school?"

You land on the sofa with a crash next to Gun.

Ugh. School was... school. Albeit a little better this week than it has been. The worst of your project work is over and that idiot in your class hasn't been around.

"Is that classmate still giving you trouble?"

"Huh? Oh. I haven't seen him this week."

"Hmm. Interesting."

Something about the way Gun says that draws your attention.

Why is he smiling? Is he happy that you're happy or-

Come to think of it. You haven't seen him since you last mentioned him bullying you to Gun.

... Everyone who causes you trouble has a habit of going 'missing'.

There was the group of girls who harassed you. Some drunken idiot who catcalled. This classmate who started picking on you. And actually, that boy you made friends with a few months back and Gun had disapproved when you told him.

The dots start to connect.

You startle back to the present and notice Gun staring intently at you. He knows that you know.

"Don't be scared, Y/N. I'm only doing this to protect you."

You know your boyfriend is violent, but you never thought-

"Are they..." you can't bring yourself to say the word 'dead'. The idea that Gun killed these people terrifies you.

"Not dead. They just aren't here anymore." Gun notices the shock written all over your face. He continues, "Y/N, haven't I made your life so much easier?"

And that is true. To an extent. But-

"You understand I would never hurt you?"

Wouldn't he? You suppose he has never laid a hand on you. You nod.

"You trust me?"

That, you do. He has never given you reason to doubt him. You nod again.

"Say the words."

"I trust you..."

"And?"

"It's for my own good." you say, even as the insidious grip of fear starts to wind its way around your neck.

Goo Kim

The bell to the cafe jingles, signalling a new patron. You put on your peppiest customer service smile.

Oh. Your face falls when you see who it is.

"You're here again?"

Goo just grins, taking his usual spot right by the counter. Right by you. "Yes my little sweetpea. Just visiting my love at work!"

It started as a nice gesture, Goo occasionally popping in. And if he wasn't here then he would be constantly texting you.

(He sulked for a week straight when you told him you weren't allowed your phone when you're working. Somehow you felt personally responsible for this despite it being a work policy.)

His quick coffee breaks turned into a few hours of lingering then eventually staying during your entire work schedule.

It is too much. Far too much.

"Goo... You know I got told off last time when you stayed for my whole shift."

"Is your manager still giving you a hard time!" Your boyfriend looks at you with the saddest puppy eyes and a pout. Goddamn it. Why are you the one feeling guilty.

You press on with what you want to say anyhow, "... Don't you think you being here all the time is a little inappropriate?"

Not just a little - a lot, you think. And not inappropriate - completely suffocating. But you are careful with your words.

"No! How could you think that..." The sulk intensifies and Goo looks genuinely upset. Ah shit. You're about to apologise- "Besides, I think your new boss would be fine with this."

In a blink of an eye, the mood changes. Goo looks happy. Manic, almost.

You narrow your eyes at him. What is he up to. "How do you know?"

"Let's just say I know him very personally."

"Who is it?"

"Your beloved - me! I bought this little cafe! Now I can see you all day every day!"

Seriously? This is ridiculous.

Your eyes quickly dart towards the other customers and your coworkers. You can't make a scene and frankly, you don't have the energy for this fight.

Nor do you want to put up with a week straight of tantrums until you inevitably suck it up and apologise.

Instead, you attempt your customer service smile again.

You hope it works.

Samuel Seo

Entering the living room, you are immediately greeted by Samuel glaring at you.

"Where have you been?"

"Didn't you see my text?" You are sure you texted him before you left, telling him not to wait for you for dinner.

"I must have missed it." His expression doesn't change. "Where did you go?"

It was nothing special. You just had a catch up with a few classmates over a meal. Your eyes glance at the clock. It's not even 8pm.

"Who were you with?"

You explain (and you did mention if he had just checked his phone), but Samuel makes you list out every person.

"There were guys there?"

You frown at him. Well, yes but it's not like it wasn't a group-

"Am I not enough for you?"

The question surprises you but you read between the lines. You know Samuel has his insecurity issues, and you have been trying to work through them with him. Surely, this should have been fine.

"Of course you are," You try to defuse the situation, yet the doubt creeps in that you could have been more considerate.

"I would be more comfortable if you asked first." Samuel approaches you, angry and disappointed. "How am I supposed to concentrate on work if I don't know where you are?"

"But I did text-"

"Do you want me to lose my job?"

You shake your head.

"Everything I've worked for?" Samuel looms over you, looking furious.

You shake your head again.

"Then why is it too much to ask you to ask me first before you wander off?"

Your eyes start to well up with tears.

"Don't be like that." Immediately the anger is gone, replaced by concern, "I'm only worried about you."

His hand reaches out to stroke your cheek, and you lean into it - does this mean that the worst of the storm seems to be over?

"You know I love you, right?"

Of course. It's obvious that Samuel loves you. And you love him too. He's only doing this for your sake.

"I know. Sorry for making you worry."

[amywritesthings]

SILVER UNDERGROUND / deleted scene 04.

levi's pov #2. :: a deleted scene from flashback two. this is levi's pov of recruiting james to the gang.

happy silver underground friday! thank you for your patience as i write up ch20. i know many of you requested more levi pov content, so i give to you the initial recruitment (levi's version). this is unedited. 3.5k words / mentions of violence, angst, language, pining. :: please remember: this is additional deleted content, not tied to the current canon of the story.

Three years pass and she still won’t leave his goddamn brain.

The girl with the stale bread.

The girl with the kindness that’ll get her killed down here.

Maybe you're not even that kind — he’s seen how ferociously you take down kids double your size when he’s passing by with Furlan, keeping tabs that you’re still breathing week to week.

Not long after the one and only fight he’s had with you, Kenny disappeared. The son of bitch gave some shitty excuse — something about teaching him all he could — leaving Levi Ackerman in a deathly quiet room for the second time in his life.

Just happened to be alone this time, that’s all.

He almost came to you then, but thought better of it. Getting mixed up in that bitch’s affairs, the one you call Mother, wouldn’t do him any favors.

Maybe she’d up and ditch you the way Kenny ditched him.

Maybe fate would have it—

No.

Dreaming’s a waste of time.

He should keep his distance.

He should never try to speak to you—

“Hello?” 

Furlan waves a hand in front of his face, waking Levi from a dissociative state. His steel gray eyes flicker up to the other boy, expressionless.

“I’m listening,” he curtly replies.

“No you weren’t,” Furlan mumbles, before flopping down into a rickety wooden chair.

This house isn’t much, but it’s home. Better than living on the streets, that’s for damn sure. Somehow him and this kid made enough money to get by and then some — but that’s probably because they’ve found the literal Underground City jackpot.

Two idiot MPs from the surface.

Two sets of Omni-directional Mobility Gear.

(The steal would be much easier than others think. Making the story sound impossible meant other thugs in the area wouldn’t ever try their hand at it.)

Crime’s a hell of a lot easier when you can fly.

Only problem now is that the jobs — and subsequently the money — are harder to come by. Furlan’s insistent on expanding. Levi has no interest in banking on trust beyond Furlan.

Until that idea hit him like a static shock—

All when he realized you were still fighting.

Still, after all these years.

“If you’re still trying to convince me,” Levi boredly starts, “then I might have a name to throw in the ring.”

Furlan perks in his chair, scooting closer. “Well, damn, you coulda said it earlier.”

“I just think you won’t like who I suggest.”

“Huh? Why? One of our guys—”

“No,” Levi cuts off. “Not one of the shitheads we split scraps with. I’m talking about a third.”

“A third… in command?” Furlan slowly inquires. Levi nods once. “So who is it?”

“A girl I knew once,” the dark-haired boy suggests, arms crossed over her chest. When Furlan squints, he continues. “She’s in the fighting rings. Goes by James.”

“She’s a kid?”

“No. Knew her when she was, but now she’s in the adult circuits.”

“So how old is she?”

“Maybe fifteen? Fourteen?” Levi supplies. “Our age.”

“Huh.” Furlan pauses. “And you… think she’d be good? Like how good?’

“Probably the best option we have.”

“Levi Ackerman talking highly about someone else… now that doesn’t happen every day.”

Levi squints in annoyance. 

“Are you cool with me asking her, or not?”

Furlan makes a face. “Well— here’s the thing. If we just add her, chances are the guys we kinda fumble the numbers with will get jealous. We’d probably need to initiate her.”

Levi doesn’t mean to, but he glares right back. Furlan must realize right away that his partner is a fan of the idea — a reaction he’s never offered.

“Five people aren’t jumping her, Furlan,” Levi insists in a bite.

“I— three?”

Three.

He’s seen you take down people double your size and weight. He’s watched you put popular contenders on their backs in seconds. The kids they hire are just that — kids. 

As much as he doesn’t want to agree to it, there has to be a compromise.

You can handle five.

You can certainly handle three.

“Fine,” Levi murmurs. “Three. She has a fight tomorrow.”

“Damn, you’ve been scouting this one?”

Something like that.

.

.

.

.

.

And just as he suspected, you knock them square on their asses.

Truth be told, it’s an unfair fight.

Levi stakes his claim at the corner, in the shadows, and watches the beat down in real time. All goons looking to show off like they know what the hell they’re up against.

They don’t.

Levi does.

When you scramble down the alleyway to get to safety, he takes off into a casual stroll. Taps an unconscious moron or two in the head to make sure they’re seriously out.

(They’re out, alright. Like a snuffed light.)

And when Levi finally catches up to you, you’re swallowed whole by shadow. Your hands are assessing each part of your torso — smart — while your breath exits in a controlled wheeze.

He’s sorry.

He really is, for once.

“You look like shit,” he comments, watching you rip your gaze from your scratched hands towards his voice.

Like a feral, scared animal you watch him.

Blinking once. 

Blinking twice, three times, as if you’re trying to figure out who the hell he is.

Levi knows it’s not from the injuries. You were smart and protected your head as much as possible. He was banking on quick precision from your technique.

“Mind your fucking business,” you snap back at him, and he has to bite his tongue to keep from smiling ear to ear.

(So that’s what you sound like.)

“How bad did they get you?” he casually asks, stepping forward with a boot.

You blink several times once again.

Yeah, you recognize him.

Just like he recognizes you.

“Why do you care?” you hiss, pushing away from the brick wall.

Levi stops moving to give you space. “I don’t.”

(But, fuck, he does. He really does.)

Breathe through the pain all you want, he catches the way you wrap your arm around your abdomen as if he’s going to try and take you on at your weakest.

Maybe those bastards did get a good hit or two in.

“I guess the answer is bad enough.”

“Fuck off.”

“Sure.”

Except he doesn’t want to.

If you let him, then he’ll stay.

“You can leave, you know,” you tell him, and he draws in a slow inhale. “I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine so long as those shitheads don’t get up.”

Your head whips behind you to see the alley as if Levi’s spotted anyone. 

No, they’re not actually coming. 

In fact, you knocked them out so thoroughly that it’s a little bit funny.

Then you turn, and his stomach clenches. “I can’t believe you’re still alive.”

“I get that a—”

“Whoa.”

His heart seizes when you stumble. Immediately he shoots to the other end of the wall, ignoring the hand that shoots out to stop him.

“Hold on. What the hell are you doing?” Your nostrils flare. “I said I’m fine.”

Damn it, James. Don’t be proud right now.

“Yeah, and I”m six-foot fucking three.”

And he steps closer.

Closer.

Until the expanse of his chest hovers right at your palm.

Well — you aren’t trying to beat the shit out of him. That’s a plus.

You really do remember me, that sad sack of shit you were nice to.

“Roxy’s is close,” Levi slowly states, hoping you’ll connect what he’s thinking about. That you’ll get to where he’s trying to go with this before he has to spell it out.

“I know.”

“They have back rooms with supplies.”

“I know.”

“So why not go?” he grunts, very much over the bravado he’s very much guilty of himself. “C’mon, dumbass.”

You squeak, but it’s too late — Levi breaks that illusion of distance with a smack of your outstretched hand so he can get to the part he’s been agonizing over all day.

Helping you.

Because he sure as hell isn’t going to let you go through this alone.

(Not when he’s practiced this pitch for a week straight.)

You don’t push him away when he touches you. Hell, you just stare — Levi’s worried he has something in his goddamn teeth.

Then you ask. “Why?”

Surely you know.

Surely by now, you must know the why of this.

Because I owe you.

Because you have left my fucking brain since the day you asked my name.

Levi answers. “Because.”

Cautious with every step, Levi lets you call the pace. You’re surprisingly mobile all things considered, and he just acts as your anchor as you make your way through the winding rounds of the Underground City.

“You have a key?”

He has to force himself not to snort. “No.”

The staff at Roxy’s will forgive him.

Or not — he doesn’t give a shit.

Gingerly placing you against the wall, he musters up the energy to use the strength of his short but mighty legs. Levi kicks the wooden door with gusto, waiting a moment for the noise to dissipate, before grabbing you again to continue on.

Eventually he places you on a nearby chair and brushes off his hands, coated with sweat.

What the hell, Ackerman? Get your shit together. Now’s not the time to get nervous.

Especially over you.

God, not when he’s almost got you.

You’re too busy staring at the disjointed door to notice his expression soften when he’s staring at your face.

It’s so… pretty.

Why is it—

Wait.

“Oi.”

He snaps, and you blink and turn your chin back to him. All the air whooshes clear from his lungs. 

You’re worried. He can tell. 

“Eyes on me. They aren’t coming.”

“What makes you so sure?”

(God, he’s such an asshole.)

Choosing to ignore the question, Levi keeps himself busy by searching the cabinets in the room for the med packs he knows they keep here. Way too many wayward souls pass through. They always got some—

Ah.

There.

Turning on a heel, he eagerly brings the med kit and unfurls it, holding it to you.

You stare back, not moving.

(You don’t have a concussion, do you?!)

“What do you want me to—”

“Hold it, idiot,” he snips in his own minor panic. “I can’t do everything.”

Please let me fix my own mistakes, James.

Your hands uncurl like a clam, waiting for the med kit. Levi carefully places it in your hands and takes what he needs.

“I don’t understand,” you murmur. “Why are you doing this?”

Taking a cloth, he douses it with antiseptic and presses it ever so gently on your skin. 

You don’t even flinch.

“Levi.”

Time freezes.

His gray eyes meet yours, and suddenly he forgets to breathe.

You remember.

He never told you, but —

He’s pretty sure Kenny may have said it back at this godforsaken fucking bar.

Should he tell you he remembers you, too?

(You never told him your name. He’ll show all of his cards in one fell swoop.)

“Does it matter?” he gruffly responds, pressing the cloth to your cheek.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s harder to help than to ignore.”

“Kind of like giving bread to a strange kid, right?” 

Shit.

Levi blurts before he can take it back.

This wasn’t how he thought this would go.

Banter here and there, maybe, but—

“I don’t know,” you finally answer. “I’m not a saint for giving you food.”

Of course you’re not.

Saint James, the patron deity that hasn’t left his mind since.

Levi’s nostrils flare as he dips lower, too afraid to touch your torso. “I could have killed you — broken?”

“Bruised,” you reply. “I’ve felt broken before.”

“Positive?” 

“Yes. And I was trying to kill you back then, too. It wasn’t our fault.”

Were you?

Trying to kill him?

Makes sense, with how hard you went at him. It was the only match he felt nervous in.

“I wasn’t trying to,” Levi woefully answers.

“But you could have.”

His fingers pause for a fraction of a second. “Yeah,” he laments. “I could have.”

Just like tonight.

And just like every night after this, if you tell him yes to his bullshit plans.

“I thought maybe something happened to you,” you begin. “I never saw you on the circuit again, so I thought—”

“That was the first and only time I fought in that nasty shit.”

He pushes back his own fears and tips your chin upward. You easily obey.

“...so you weren't sold into it?”

Shit, was she? Too preoccupied by the feeling of how soft your skin is, Levi shakes his head.

“I was your only fight?”

“Technically,” he says.

“So then why were you—”

“Practice, in case I ever met someone who needed to kill me for quick cash.”

“That's a morbid reason. You were just a kid.”

“So were you, but for some reason you’re still in it.”

Gritting his teeth, he knows his temper is getting the best of him. It’s better to stay neutral in these types of talks but you… you’re so nonchalant about something so dire.

You could die.

Hell, he’s spent week after week hoping to hear your name so he’d hear you’re still alive.

Choosing to let that go, he drops his hands away from your face and flexes his fingers.

“Good news: you look like shit, but you’re not in deep shit. I can’t do anything about your ribs, but your face should be fine. You have a bad habit of leaning into your hits.”

It’s true. It’s like she likes getting hurt, as if it fuels her own rage.

A strategy, sure, but a shit one at that.

“Excuse me?” you growl. “What do you mean, I have a bad habit?”

Levi can’t help but give you a look. “Did those shitheads make you hard of hearing, too?”

“No, shithead," you mock right back and it’s actually… impressive. You keep up. It does something weird and unenjoyable to his stomach. “I don't lean into them."

“Yes, you do.”

“What, so you’ve watched my fights?”

Ah, shit.

Found out, yet again.

(Great job, Ackerman.)

“I watch fights. Not just yours,” Levi quickly retorts. “You're not special, so get your head out of your ass.”

“Oh fuck you, man.”

Damn, you really do speak his language.

Don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t—

And you don’t give up, either. “Leaning into them makes an opponent feel like they have the upper hand. Let them hit, then you strike.”

“It’s a shit strategy.”

“I’m smaller than a lot of my opponents.”

“So?"

“So? Coming out to a fight like you own the place puts a target on your back.”

Right.

Self-preservation, a tactic often used by the pimps who bring these poor kids to the rings. It’s a loophole to make sure your fighters don’t know their own worth so they can’t wail on you.

Kenny told him that.

Levi wishes he could have told her, too.

“Did your Mom teach you that?” he flatly responds.

Your nostrils flare. “Maybe she did, but your Dad sure as hell forgot to teach you manners.”

He snaps faster than he means to. “He wasn’t my father.” 

A beat passes, and his shoulders slump. 

“And you’re a better fighter than that,” he softens, exasperated. “Making yourself look weak is a shitty strategy for someone who can't land a punch, let alone someone who can. You take the punches because you damn well know you're better than every opponent they match you with. If you didn’t play the theatrics, then those idiots would all be dead in minutes.”

When you don’t spit in his face, he gently takes a step forward. Then another.

“I met you three years ago. I thought by now you would've found a way out." 

But you need help. 

This is his return payment. This is all he can offer in this shitstain of a city.

“Do you want out?” Your eyes widen, like he’s told you he’s secretly the king of the Walls. His tongue gently darts between his dried lips. “...if I had a way to get you out, would you take it?”

“...I don’t have a way out.”

“You do.”

“I don’t,” you croak, and it breaks his heart. “I’ve tried. You know people in the circuits—”

“You have a way out."

“Levi—”

“James.”

In defeat, he calls to you — your name, that name everyone else calls you.

All of his cards are on the table.

He can’t take this back. 

“This isn’t a charity hand out. We need a fighter.”

“Who the hell is we?”

“Furlan Church and myself.”

“Furlan fucking Church? That’s where you ended up after all this time, with that idiot?”

Levi blinks.

(Wait, what’s wrong with Furlan?)

Nevermind — he’ll ask later. He has a mission here.

“If you stay in the circuits, then you will die,” Levi finally states. “That bitch has been trying to put you in the ground for years. Do you really want her to win?”

Please say no.

Please listen to me.

Except you stagger backwards, and he’s terrified that somehow he’s botched this pitch. That somehow you wouldn’t be interested in a team—

“Wait — did you send those guys after me?”

Oh.

Shit.

“The three in the alleyway,” you continue. “They attacked me after the fight. It was really convenient of you to find me in the nick of time. So was that one of his initiation stunts?”

He wants to swear he was going to tell you, but that would sound like a cheap lie.

He wants to promise this wasn’t what he wanted, but that would sound like a patronizing lie.

“Dirty trick,” you growl and turn away, and worries seizes his heart.

“We need muscle for our next heist,” he quickly states, firming up his voice. “You would get a cut. You would have a permanent place to sleep. You would have routine meals, day and night."

You don’t turn to him. “I’d be selling myself for one contract to another.”

Levi shakes his head wildly, but you don’t see it. “You're free to leave whenever you want. If this doesn't work out in a week? Fine, then you can go. But if you do this, then you would never have to see that woman’s face again.”

“She’d find me.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” he swears.

No, he wants to say. I’ll burn this city to the ground if she so much as tries it. I owe you.

“You would be protected with me.” 

But it isn’t just him.

You had a visceral reaction about Furlan. He has to be honest.

"With us."

Finally you turn back to him, and he’s woefully hopeful once more.

“Levi…”

The way you say his name…

Shit, he could hear you say his name like that every hour of every goddamn day if you’d just say yes to this deal he’s offering.

"You'll be paid,” he adds.

"I don't give a shit about pay,” you retort. “I have no money to my name as it is. Your... proposition just sounds too good to be true, that's all."

He needs more incentive.

He needs you to say yes.

"What do you need to be convinced?” he pleads, but it comes out monotone. “We sent our three best brawn and you cleared them in minutes. You can see why we'd want you."

"And if I say no?"

Fear seizes every cell of his body. You stare at him like he’s the enemy.

“Are you two going to keep sending people after me?”

(Would he finally stop searching for you?)

Swallowing, Levi knows he cannot keep you.

He barely knows you.

He just has a feeling he needs to.

“No,” he promises. “I'd let you live your life. This isn't an intimidation tactic. You would never hear from me again.”

And he means it.

He’ll give you anything for nothing.

It’s some kind of sickness he hasn’t quite recovered from since he was small.

Something about you has just infected his veins faster than the plague.

You turn your gaze to the door, and his face falls.

What can he do?

How can he convince you?

Your name exits his mouth in a fractured plea. “James—”

“I’m in.” 

Wait.

Did he hear that right?

You turn back to him with determination, chin lifted and shoulders squared. 

He can’t help but stare at you with a mixture of relief and admiration. 

Levi wonders if you notice. If you know, just how much you’ve been on his mind.

“I’m in,” you repeat. “I’ll go where you go.”

(And we'll never look back.)

[hebuiltfive]

Vis-à-Vis: A Mini Earth and Sky Story

Very rough around the edges and read-through only once, but inspired by the prompt : "He's just worried about you. We all are." which can be found here.

AO3 link here!

More notes at the end!

-----------------

Scott slammed the door to his Bugatti shut. He pulled his peacoat closer around himself, burying his chin in his scarf and, with hands tucked into his pockets, began to stride away from the car.

It was always the same. It was always “everyone is worrying about you, so open up immediately” and never “take you time, tell us when you’re ready”. Every goddamn time! Scott was becoming tired of all the questions, all the probing. They all thought it was innocent and helpful, and he didn’t have the heart to tell them that it wasn’t, that all their fretting made him feel worse.

Like that was even possible at this point.

He heard the passenger door shut and feet shuffling along the cobblestones as Virgil hurried along behind, trying to catch up with his older brother.

“Scott, come on!” Virgil called. “It’s a valid question!”

“I don’t ever remember you thinking that when I’ve probed into your private life, Vee. Neither his!”

“He’s just worried about you.” The Tank let out the softest sigh. “We all are.”

That wasn’t news to Scott. He continued to stroll ahead. Normally, Scott would have slowed his usual pace so Virgil could keep up, but not today. Today, he kept on walking, leaving his brother to trail along behind him. Yes, they were supposed to be having a lovely day out together, but had he known the trip would have been used as a way to further interrogate him, Scott wouldn’t have agreed to come along in the first place.

“For the last time, Virgil,” Scott ground out, every word laced with irritation, “there is nothing to worry about!”

“Forgive me for not believing you, but you always say that, even when it isn’t true.”

“This time is different.”

“You always say that too.”

Scott stopped in his tracks, turning to face his brother as Virgil came to a stand in front of him. He really didn’t want his irritation to mar their trip — it wasn’t everyday when the two of them could spend time together — but if Virgil didn’t drop the topic soon, he feared it might become inevitable.

“You know you’d be asking the exact same questions if you were in our shoes, Scotty.”

"I know.”

The truth was that he did know, and that was the problem. Scott knew exactly what he’d be saying, which curses he’d be using, if the positions were switched. It didn’t make him second-guess his choices, but it certainly made opening up that much harder.

“We just want to know you’re safe.”

“I am safe!” He pleaded but Virgil tilted his head. He could see through his brother’s uncertainty before Scott even realised he was letting it show. Scott sighed. “I’m trying to be.”

“It’d be a whole lot easier if you let us in.”

“You know I can’t do that. Not at the moment. It’s too soon, too early.”

“I get that, I do, but don’t leave it too late so it ends up becoming a problem you have to try and defend rather than reveal.”

They reached their destination; a tea shop in the centre of a quaint, nondescript English town. As Scott opened the door, the bell above tinkled.

He picked a table by the window, with a view down the cobblestoned hill and Virgil took the seat opposite him.

His brother unbuttoned his coat and threw it over the back of his chair. “If you need to talk to someone about it, I promise I won’t tell the others anything.”

Scott grinned, his eyes twinkling. “What? Are you offering to give me free therapy sessions now?”

“I’m in no way qualified enough to talk through all your issues, bro, but on this one… I can listen, as a brother. As a friend.”

Scott unfastened his own jacket, pulling the scarf from his neck and laid them out nearly over the back of his own seat. “You promise you won’t tell the others?”

“I swear it.”

Virgil’s eyes were sincere, trustworthy to a fault. There was a reason he was the only one who the others always went to with their secrets; when Virgil said he’d keep the to himself, he always meant it. Scott had always appreciated that, no time more so than now.

They sat and they spoke, Scott more than Virgil, and his brother offered no judgement, as they drank their way through cups of steaming coffee and ate their way through a few slices of cake. It felt like a weight had been lifted off Scott’s shoulders, albeit temporarily — he would still face the curious questions from his younger brothers once they returned home.

Clouds covered the wintery sun and, after an hour or so, the two of them stood up, donned their coats once again, and left the tea shop in favour of a brisk walk down to the coastline. For most of their stroll, their conversation ventured into nonsense, commenting on the bare trees that, only months ago, had bloomed in glorious green, or taking silly selfies next to crumbling, ancient brick walls that lined the stairway down to the beach. There were a few groups of small families that passed them with polite smiles, unaware of who the two brothers were or simply allowing them to get on with their day. Either way, Scott was thankful.

Virgil led the way onto the beach, trailing over to a group of rocks, a little way back from the ocean, that were empty. He lifted himself up and sat himself down, looking out over the pale blue ahead. Unlike Scott’s hair, which was firmly held in place with his favourite gel, Virgil’s barnet was more malleable with the breeze. He observed his brother’s quiet peace, tranquil despite the bombshell that Scott had dropped on him during their visit to the tea shop.

He sat on another rock, slightly lower than the large one Virgil sat atop. Once again, he buried his chin in his scarf and he closed his eyes. With a deep inhale, Scott breathed in the salty air.

“How long do you reckon I have until the press got hold of the story?” He asked without opening his eyes.

For a long moment, Virgil was silent. Scott began to wonder if his brother had heard him, or whether he’d indeed spoken his question out loud. Then, he heard the clearing of his brother’s throat.

“Depending on how reckless you are, I’d give it a month.”

“I can work with that.”

“Are you sure?”

The doubt in Virgil’s tone, after having opened up to him, sliced through Scott like a knife through butter, but he knew Virgil had every right to doubt him. It was one thing to say it, and another to mean it and act upon it.

“I’ll talk to them tonight.”

“Scott, you don’t have to if you’re not ready—”

“I’ll have to do it eventually, Vee, and there’s no time like the present. It’s better to rip the bandaid off now, else I’ll just keep delaying it until it’s too late.”

He felt a hand gently pat his shoulder. Scott peeked one eye open, up at his brother who was smiling at him softly. “It won’t be as bad as you think.”

“You say that, but you’re not the one who’ll have to feel Gordon’s wrath.”

Virgil chuckled, deep and warm. “Eh, he’ll get over it. Bribe him with his favourite brownies and you’ll be back on his Good List in no time.”

---------------

I purposefully left Scott's secrets as a secret. It didn't feel like a big enough piece to try and explore that (and lord knows i don't need another big story project right now).

The location also changes because I was suddenly inspired to write them on the beach.

Idk, it's messy, but I'm trying to quit the habit of making everything perfect and do little one-offs. Prompts are the best for that, I find, with a few exceptions.

[twinkletfout]

Rude boy — part.4

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

You saw his eyes swell, the red tint came into view as tears started pooling in his eyes. He looked away for a moment to play it off. You wanted to calm him, cheer him up. Be there for him. But you knew it was not your place. But before you could say anything he stood up and made himself out of the bar.

You guessed that the girl didn't see him, too busy with having so much fun with her new man. Despite the pain that slightly eased, you got up and went outside. It looked like he was calming himself down, you were glad that he was actually keeping his cool. Just like the way you are, you really can't hold back your tongue.

“Calm down, big guy. Not a big of a deal, hm? Lets go—”

You should really think before you talk, only if you thought about this before you said it anyway.

“What if it is?” it was a whisper, a mumble before his voice raised, he shouted.

“What if it is!?—” his voice cracked, holding back the tears for a minute before he continued

“She can do whatever the hell she wants? Fuck around with random guys, like its nothing?— I didn't date her for her to do that, and I, I just wanted to win her back I.. I loved her.”

you stood your ground as his voice slightly lowered, if he finally came to realise the fact that she doesn't want him anymore by taking out his anger on you. You didn't mind actually, just the way your heart aches for him right now, something also healed at the same time. And you felt guilty for feeling like this.

He was so wasted, too drunk to speak or talk that now he is spewing some random things as he kept on drinking. You told the bartender to not give him anymore, but when he realised. He gave you one pouty face like he was a goddamn toddler. And oh my god was that cute. You never saw this side of him before, it's like you unlocked something new about him and you loved this side a lot more than his usual self. You smiled to yourself before you said that it was enough and helped him stand up. Putting his hand over your shoulders as you supported his weight so he could walk easier.

Getting in the taxi was such a pain in the ass, as you finally entered the hotel and booked a room for one, the prince was literally dozing off and you had to carry him to his room. Because of this one guy, you lost your entire freaking day. You dropped him on the couch as soon as you entered the room. “God you are too heavy” you mumbled to yourself, but you knew he wasn't listening, it was like he was waiting to lay somewhere to finally sleep. But at least a good night's sleep will get everything off of his mind.

“You better call me the next morning, im leavin’ “ you said as you opened the door. You weren't expecting him to get on his feet or for his hand to wrap around your waist as he closed the door with his other with a sound. “Don't leave” his breath graced your ear as it sent a shiver down your spine. “Stay the night” he said as you turned around to face him. His whiskey eyes are getting you the one drunk now and you couldn't deny it as you looked up at him. “With me”

He leaned in, his lips almost touching yours as he waited for your consent. “We shouldn't—” you whispered. “One kiss won't hurt, hm?” His lips grew into a smirk as he said. “you are drunk, you nee—” you protested trying to push him back. “Please” he practically pleaded with those cerulean eyes, that was too hard for you to resist. And the hand that you used to push him back slightly lost strength and that was the sign he was looking for his lips to meet yours. Pulling your body towards him as your back hits the door that's now closed. One of his hands undid the few buttons of his own shirt before pushing your skirt upwards. He gave random kisses down your neck, your collarbone, your cheek before he started to grow more and more impatient.

“Luna…” he mumbled against your neck, that's what it all took for you to react.

Luna? Who is that?

You brought your hand to push him away as you put your skirt down.”Luna?..” you questioned, more likely to yourself. It didn't take you much time for the picture of his blondie lover to pop in your mind. You felt a strong pang in your chest as you figured things out. “Get some rest boy, i should get going now” you opened the door as he suprisingly retrieved you. “Dont call me that” he said before you leave. “Its Gojo.” he told you before turning his back as he flopped onto the couch.

Everything else was a blur, you got on a taxi and went to your own appartment. Maybe it was because your were holding yourself back from overflowing with tears.

A day passed with no contact of Gojo, but he did send the money more than that you said you wanted, you spent most of your time drawing and designing your new dress, it was your dream to make a dress of your own that will satisfy your thoughts about how good it needs to turn out. Even though you never spent much time with him or knew him for a long time. Gojo always had to occupy in your mind and you hated him for that.

[the-conversation-pod]

Mixed Nuts, Part 2: Thoughts on Yaoi

And we're back! Japan is churning them out almost faster than we can keep up, so we dedicated a whole grab bag episode to give them the attention they're asking for. Ben, NiNi, Ginny, and Shan talk what's working and what's not in Japanese BL as we discuss Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka, I Want To See Only You and I Became the Star of a BL Drama.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL 00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun 00:11:29 - One Room Angel 00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower 00:26:01 - Perfect Propose 00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka 01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You 01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama 01:26:16 - Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Grab Bag Part 2: J-BL

Ben 

And we're back. Continuing into Grab Bag episode 2, this time we're going to talk about all the Japanese projects. 

We are still with pod team members Ginny and Shan. Say hi, Ginny. 

Ginny 

Hello. 

Ben 

Say hi, Shan. 

Shan 

Hi again. 

NiNi 

We are here to talk about Japanese BL, Japanese drama, all things Japanese, aka Ben's favorite thing, aka Ginny's starting to become favorite thing, aka Shan's actual favorite thing, aka my I'm gettin’ there thing. 

Ben 

We will be talking about six shows this week. We're talking about Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun, One Room Angel, Perfect Propose, Although I Love You, and You? aka Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka, I Want to See Only You, and I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama. 

NiNi, take us in. 

00:02:22 - Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun

NiNi

Let's start with Sahara-sensei, which I did not watch. So, Ben or Shan, who wants to complain about this?

Ben

Well, there's no need for you to watch it, bestie, because it was horrible! 

Shan

Horrible!

Ben

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun is a Japanese BL from MBS through Drama Shower about a juvenile delinquent who falls for a new teacher who seems to pay attention to him, and starts to reform his behaviors as a result of this relationship. But the teacher’s got his own baggage, and then the show makes a goddamn mess of all of this. And we have very many gripes to voice! 

[exhales] It was not good. Ginny, did you watch this show? 

Ginny

I did. 

Ben

I feel like you were less pissed than me and Shan. Is that true?

Ginny

I'm usually less pissed than you and Shan. 

Shan

I think it's just a natural state—[NiNi laughs]

NiNi

I don't think anybody could be as pissed as Shan. [Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

Right!

Ginny

Scaling for our norms, I think I was about as pissed. I really did not like the show.

Ben

Oh, yes! Go for it, Ginny! Tell it! Kill ‘em. Kill ‘em, bestie!

Ginny

I don't know anything about the source material, but it felt like it was trying to set up two taboo relationships: one teacher student, and one side ship that was sort of step-siblings. And then it completely whiffed both of those and decided, bizarrely, to deal with the taboo nature, particularly the main relationship, as if it simply isn't a taboo. 

No one cared! No one cared that this teacher and student were having a romance. It was simply not addressed, or didn't seem to be a concern to anybody. It made the show baffling to follow because it was like they lived in this alternate universe where that doesn't matter, but other things like homophobia do matter—but only sometimes. It was not coherent. 

I really enjoyed Toki, the juvenile delinquent. He was delightful. His actor was really fun, and that's really what kept me watching the show for however many episodes it was—six, eight, ten? Eight. That's what kept me watching the show for eight episodes, even though by about the midpoint, it really felt like it was not doing or saying anything interesting.

Ben

Shan, go in and let have.

Shan

Okay, I will! This show is fucking infuriating. I am still so mad every time I think about it.

Ben

[laughs] I can hear it in her voice.

Shan

Ugh! Here's the thing with the teacher student trope: it can be done well. It has been done well. The way that you do this trope well is that you take that relationship seriously. You have to care in the story that there is a power dynamic here, that a teacher has a role to play and a job to do with regard to their students, that they are an adult who is meant to be trusted to guide their students to good life choices, to their own social/emotional wellbeing, to care about their futures, to care about their education. This show just utterly, utterly failed on that front, and it makes the teacher character here completely irredeemable and unbelievable as an education professional. At no point did this show take its own concept seriously. It wanted us to engage with this romance as if this was just a normal teen love story between a teenage boy and a slightly older boy. There was no reckoning with the fact that this was his teacher. 

The biggest sin, among many, was that we were shown through the story that Toki was not actually helped by this relationship with Sahara-sensei. We were shown that Toki—because of his feelings for his teacher, and because of his desire to impress this prospective love interest—that he made choices that were harmful to him. That he did not seek help when he was being bullied. That he did not take his education and his assignment seriously because he was too focused on this crush. We began the show with the notion that he was a juvenile delinquent who needed support and mentorship. He's a good kid, a nice kid, a kind kid, and he just needed some guidance. But he didn't get any fucking guidance from this teacher. 

Instead, what he got was a distraction and an extraordinarily self-centered adult who really only cared about what he was getting—the confidence boost that he was getting—out of this relationship with his student. Did not look out for this kid, did not help him focus on his studies, did not help him prepare for his future, and did not help him in any meaningful way with the problems that he was experiencing at school. 

This show literally ended with Toki [volume increases] graduating, walking out of the school building, spotting Sahara, and chucking his diploma into the fucking bushes so that he could run and kiss his boyfriend, because school's over now and he doesn't have to care about appearances anymore. I actually could not fucking believe that. And the wildest part of all of this is that the show doesn't seem to have any awareness about it. This is not a narrative about a student getting so obsessed with a teacher that he loses his way. This is just being presented as a straightforward, happy and positive romance that we're supposed to root for. It is one of the most baffling things I have ever fucking seen.

NiNi

Tell ‘em why you mad, son! Tell ‘em why you mad! [laughs]

Ben

Bestie, everything you said was true and correct. I will add further that this show does not get the benefit of the doubt of being BL to cop out about a lot of this because of the backstory they give on Sahara and Nekoto—his junior in high school, now fellow teacher. The failure of their relationship is grounded in the realities of homophobia and taboo, so there's no way to approach the Sahara-Toki relationship under the guise of “any m/m attraction is fine because BL,” because the show draws attention to the social and political realities of queerness. 

And it's especially frustrating because Sahara actually gives decent guidance to another student: the Todo character, who is playing injured as a basketball player. Sahara talks him down from going into a match that he shouldn't because he's hurt in a way that I thought was really excellent from an educator, because he doesn't tell the kid, “You shouldn't play.” He asked the kid pointed questions, making the kid self-introspect and recognize for himself that he should not play. Which only exacerbates the issues that Shan eloquently highlighted just now about how fucked up this whole thing is, because he does not bring that same awareness to the relationship he has with Toki. It is such a weird experience with this show and I really hated it.

Ginny

I think that about covers it. It just feels like it didn't know what it was trying to do, and it did everything badly.

NiNi

I think that's an excellent tagline. [Ben laughs] So, those of you who watched it, it's time to rate. 

Shan, you first.

Shan

I gave it a 3, and I think reflecting in this moment, I want to lower it to a 2. I'm giving it a 2.

Ben

I agree. Go ahead. Ginny?

Ginny

Oh man, so I give it a 6.5. [Ben hmms] I simply don't finish shows that I'm gonna rate lower than a 4 or a 5. On the surface level, there were moments that I really enjoyed about this. As I said, I did like the performance of the Toki character in particular, so I gave it some credit for that.

Ben

I agree with Shan. I originally gave this show a 4. I'm lowering it to a 3. [Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Let's talk about it again in a couple of months, see where we land.

Ben

I'm giving the show a 3.5 from The Conversation. That is not how the math works, but that's what I'm giving it.

Shan

Feels right.

00:11:29 - One Room Angel

NiNi

Moving on to our next show, let's talk One Room Angel. 

Ben, what is One Room Angel about?

Ben

One Room Angel is a story about a depressed man who ends up hanging out with an angel for a few weeks, it feels like, and starts to maybe come out of his depressive spiral as a result, which ends up with some really sad over- and undertones from what we learn about the angel character. 

This is a kind of difficult show to talk about from a BL perspective, because I don't really think it's a BL. This wasn't really a romance. From my understanding, the angel character is significantly younger in the source material, and I get why they maybe chose not to go that direction. Shan had more complex thoughts, I think, than I did about the genre assignment of this show.

Shan

I like this show. I just want to say that upfront, I think it's a really beautiful show, a really thought-provoking show. I think it has some really interesting things to say about depression and self worth and finding meaning and life and the will to live. I liked all of its themes. I liked the characters. 

I do think that it feels incomplete as a narrative, and it feels like there was supposed to be a romance arc here that got removed. I don't know if that's true, I haven't read the source material, but that's kind of how it felt upon watching it. I don't think it's a BL. There's no romance here. There's what feels more like a platonic friendship to me between Koki and the Angel. 

This show has some of the most beautiful cinematography that we've seen in Drama Shower. Some of the visual imagery is really striking, and I still think about it off and on. I like the way that they constructed Koki as this character who is kind of downtrodden, but kind at his core. He's just been through some shit, he's had a hard life. And I like that, I like that he was someone who was very easy to sympathize with. The Angel was a good foil for him. He would come at him in ways that would provoke him and give him some spark, make him feel a little bit alive again, which was what was missing and what was so important. 

I think the show wasn't that strong on unpacking the mystery of the Angel and who he had been in his life, and connecting that back to Koki. I think there were a few different threads here and they didn't all come together seamlessly, but I did really like the core story of healing. 

I do have feelings about this tendency we're seeing recently in the MBS Drama Shower shows of sprinkling in some non-BLs in the lineup. This is a dedicated time slot that is explicitly meant to be for BL shows, and there have been a couple now in the lineup that don't really fit that bill, and so I do kind of regret that we got this show as part of the Drama Shower lineup instead of another BL. But I'm glad we got the show. I like it a lot. I think it has some good things to offer.

Ben

Ginny, were you able to watch this show?

Ginny

I was! In the interest of precision, because we're talking about it not being a romance, which I do kind of agree with. They do have a conversation about being boyfriends, and they have this cute little beach date and stuff, but it feels like something that's sort of tacked on to make it fit in the BL space. It doesn't feel like it's actually part of their story. The connection that grows between them is, but the romance was not really played out. So even though they kind of give it lip service, it doesn't feel like it's there, which is why we're all saying it's not a romance. I think my favorite thing about the show was the Koki character.

Ben

This is Ginny's favorite character type: the hot mess. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ginny

I love a hot mess. I do. He's older, which I also like. He's not especially pretty, which is a nice change of pace. And he's just so down in it and can't seem to get himself out. I do like the story of him sort of getting forced roommate Angel therapy, basically. So yeah, I enjoyed it. I didn't deeply love it. 

For the themes that it was getting into, it could have gone deeper. It's got some really dark material in both of the characters' backstories, and it didn't feel to me like it really followed through strongly enough on the resolutions to those things. But it also wasn't a total miss.

Ben

I ended up feeling really complicated about this show. I feel like I was very unfairly comparing it to Eternal Yesterday a lot, and because it wasn't BL I was a little bit frustrated that this time slot was going into non-BL content. Like, it feels like the original thing was BL, and they decided in their adaptation not to lean into the potential romance between an adult and a high school student. A totally fine adaptation choice, but it's like, why adapt this work then? It doesn't exactly work for me as a result. 

I really liked the Angel character. I liked how sassy he was, and pushy he was about stuff. Nishimura Takuya; loved the way he played the Angel character. I really liked the aesthetic with his all-white outfit the whole time. I really liked the effort that the costuming department put into his wings. That was not easy, particularly on the budget that Drama Shower was clearly working on. I thought they got a lot of good work out of the animatronics of his wings. I really wish we had gotten more about Koki's yakuza based trauma. There's an allusion to this with the brother that feels a bit incomplete for me. Or the stuff with his mom, Arisa. 

There's like a weird ambiguity with the end of this too, where some of the viewers thought that Koki also died at the end, tragically.

Ginny

What?

Shan

Wait, what? I don't think—he didn't die.

Ben

I didn't think he died, but apparently that was one of the reads.

Shan

Fascinating.

Ginny

Huh.

Shan

That didn't occur to me, but you can't really argue with it in a show that leaves things this unfinished.

Ben

Exactly, and that's why I was a little unsettled by it towards the end, because I'm like, “Well, I can't refute that, but also damn!” [Shan laughs] “Y'all killed this man so they could fuck? Shit!” 

Okay. [Ginny laughs]

Shan

[laughs] Oh boy, we better wrap it up there.

Ben

So let's rate this experience. Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 7. Not bad for what it was. Not great.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it an 8. I liked some of what it was trying to do, but I don't think it fully got there on all of its storylines or really on its themes.

Ben

I gave it an 8 originally. I think I'm going to downgrade it to a 7.5, so we'll give it a 7.5 from The Conversation.

00:18:54 - A Note on MBS Tunku Shower

Ben

Let's discuss Drama Shower before we move to the other projects. As of this recording, we are almost at the end of My Strawberry Film, the last outing from Drama Shower Season 2, and currently MBS has not renewed the Drama Shower time slot for additional projects. They may renew this in the future, but let's talk on the podcast how we feel about Drama Shower after almost 11 projects, the role this time slot has fulfilled, and our complex reactions to all of the projects.

Ginny

I like that they did so many different kinds of things. Almost none of the Drama Shower shows are favorites of mine. There are a lot that I quite liked, and a few that I could see rewatching, but I do appreciate the commitment to do and try a bunch of different things. I hope that something like it gets renewed or gets put in place because, as we discussed a little bit last time talking about genre, I want to see experimental BL. I want to see different ideas and frameworks being explored, even ones that we hated like Sahara-sensei and Toki-kun. I would rather they make a bag of shows that includes a terrible one than just crank out the same reliable favorites, so. While I don't love most of the individual shows, I feel positively about the project.

Ben

Shan, how are you feeling?

Shan

I'm sad at the prospect that Drama Shower might not continue. It did produce one of my all time favorite BLs—Eternal Yesterday—and while I don't always love the shows, I love that we can rely on a steady progression of shows being released. When one show ends, we know the next is coming very soon. Japanese media can feel uncertain. We often don't find out about shows until right before they air. We often find out about a show, but then find out that it's not accessible to us, and we can't watch it. It's been nice to have kind of a steady, reliable place where we know we could go to find a Japanese BL, and I like how, you know, like Ginny said, how experimental it's been. They're doing a lot of different types of shows, a lot of different tones and styles. 

A lot of them have been not my favorites. Maybe, like, mid to bad, but there have been a few real gems in this lineup. Not only Eternal Yesterday, but also shows like Jack o’ Frost and Tokyo in April is… These are shows that stuck with me, that I really enjoyed the watch experience for, and I hope that even if Drama Shower as a dedicated time slot doesn't come back, that MBS will keep churning out these shows and releasing them at a steady clip because I think that they are pretty solid. I really like this format for Japan, where they do these six- to eight-episode shows. These tight contained stories. Have a pretty clear sense of what they want to do most of the time, with some exceptions. And I'd like to see that continue. 

We've had this kind of recent boom of Japanese BL. And I don't want that to go away. I want them to keep producing shows and I want to always have a Japanese BL airing, ideally. So yeah, I'm hopeful that if not this exact project, that something will come back, that we will continue to get shows that are interesting and a fun watch.

Ben

I'm also a bit sad that we might be losing Drama Shower because I really like what Azuma Kaoru has talked about with it from the little bits of translation we've gotten. They have a real commitment to BL as a genre and showcasing what BL can be. I like the Drama Shower has had two original projects both times it's run. Jack o’ Frost was original and My Strawberry Film is original, and whether or not we end up deciding that these projects were especially good or not, I actually think it's really healthy for BL as a genre to not be as tied to the developmental format where we basically just raid the closet and see what indie writers have been up to and then quickly adapt their shows. I'm really curious what knowing that you're developing for television right away enables with the storytelling.

So, I'm a little bit bummed that we don't know for sure if Drama Shower is coming back right now, but I've really enjoyed this entire project. My average rating for Drama Shower was just under 8, which feels correct. If you like BL, Drama Shower has been a really fascinating project because it's been so varied. We had some cool stuff that came out of it. I thought Mr. Unlucky had some cool ideas. I loved Eternal Yesterday. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun let me down slightly, but I liked it! Like, I liked almost every single one of these outings—except for fucking Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

Shan

They really had to come in and ruin it right at the end, didn't they? [laughs]

Ben

For fuck’s sake. I will miss this if we don't get it back, but I really like what we got from it. 

NiNi, any thoughts on Drama Shower from sort of only getting our reactions to it and then being prodded about some of the shows?

NiNi

When you were talking to me about some of the Drama Shower shows, you basically were saying these are Japanese pulps. So I've tried to place them in the BL firmament, for me, according to them being mostly pulps. I've only watched three of the Drama Shower shows. I've watched Jack o’ Frost, I watched Tokyo in April, and I watched My Personal Weatherman. Of those three, Jack o’ Frost is easily my favorite, but the shows that I've watched coming out of Japan that weren’t Drama Shower in the last year or two were actually the ones that I enjoyed overall more. So, while I appreciate the role of Drama Shower, what it has done in giving a dedicated time slot, much like in Thailand GMMTV Frigay was a dedicated time slot to help build some bits of the genre. This is kind of similar. 

It's a lab, and I think that the genre needs its labs. I think Drama Shower is a good lab, and I'm sure we're going to get another good lab out of Japan again soon. So, yeah, I think that the project was worthy. I only really watched a little bit of it, but I think I could also see how some of the things that it was working through have already started to percolate a little bit through some of the other stuff that we're getting out of Japan. Specifically out of MBS, but also are some of the other places.

00:26:01 - Perfect Propose

Ben 

On to our next show: Perfect Propose. 

NiNi 

Yes, bring it on! I love this show. 

Ben 

Shan, would you like to describe Perfect Propose for us? 

Shan 

Sure. Our protagonist Hiro, who is extremely overworked, exhausted, very stressed out by his soul-sucking corporate job, is found, passed out on the sidewalk, by his childhood friend? Sweetheart? Question mark. I think they see that slightly differently, but a childhood friend named Kai, who has also just come into some personal hardship. Kai decides to move in with Hiro to take care of him and also so he has a place to stay. And the story is primarily about Hiro seeing his way out of this really horrible burnout situation that he finds himself in with Kai’s support. 

Ben 

Second chance romance is my favorite thing in BL [Shan trills] so I had a great time with this show. One of the things the show really focused on was how fucking horrible Hiro's fucking job was. 

Shan

Mmhmm.

NiNi 

Listen! Oh my God, it was too real. 

Ben 

I want to talk about that part first because, while I think we all have mostly positive things to say about Hiro and Kai's relationship, I don't want to downplay that particular portion, because the show cared a lot about. And I know, Ginny, you landed on the uncomfortable to slightly put off side of that presentation. It's rare that I see you repulsed when we're watching something. And it was interesting seeing you have a difficult time with that. 

Ginny 

My issue really was that, as the second half of the show came into play, it became clear that this wasn’t primarily a romance. This was a story about Hiro escaping his soul-sucking corporate job and also being more attentive to his body in the most fundamental sense of, like, his needs as a human being. I felt like I'd been a little bit bait and switched. The setup of the first couple episodes, tt's very much about Kai offering him this physical nurturance, including sexual attention that he was in need of, and possibly their relationship growing. And then it let that be nothing more than a catalyst for Hiro to leave his situation. There was like an episode and a half that were really just fully dedicated to the misery of his job and how and why he was so stuck in it. 

I was just like, they're doing this well, but I didn't sign up for it and I'm not enjoying it. [laughs] So that was my experience. 

Ben 

I respect that. While we're talking about the job stuff, I want to go to NiNi, because I think of all of us, you had the strongest response to the corporate culture stuff. 

NiNi 

Oh my God, it was like I was seeing myself. So, if you listen to us, you will know that I'm doing this thing where I've restarted my life in my 40s. And the reason that I'm doing it is because I left a job like this. I left a soul-sucking job where I was being gaslit and basically burnt out and destroyed, and so this was almost like a healing drama for me. I would just settle in like, “oh, I'm gonna stab the boss. Oh, he's making him food. I want somebody to make me food. This is so awesome. I'm so glad. Is he gonna get out? I need him to get out. Hell, I need all of them to get out. Why don't they all quit?” 

Like, I was having that running commentary in my head while I was watching the show. It was very cathartic for me. I enjoyed everything about it. It was too real. The gaslighting from their boss, especially, was the part that sort of sent me a little bit into a crouch. I was just like, “oh, I'm having flashbacks,” but I needed it. I needed to see Perfect Propose. 

It wasn't just an enjoyment for me. It was something I needed to excise from my life and I was able to do it through Perfect Propose. So, it was great for me. The experience was so cathartic. Can't complain about it at all. Fantastic. 

Ben 

Shan, I remember you having some thoughts because, I don't know that you lived through this sort of stuff directly, but you know colleagues who did. 

Shan 

Yeah, I'm, I think more on NiNi’s side of the line with this, in that I experienced it as more cathartic and healing. I have been in some toxic workplaces. I've never been in quite the kind of place that Hiro was in in this story like NiNi has. But, I thought it was just a really authentic presentation of that kind of work experience. I thought it was a really genuine representation of the dynamics that can come up in a workplace like that. 

One of my favorite things that happened in the show is that Hiro's supervisor left and Hiro became the supervisor, and then he was put in the position of having to drive his team to do the kind of things that he had been driven to do. And he was realizing how limited his options were for breaking that cycle. And I thought that that was just such an important note to include here. It's not the people within the system that are the problem, it's the system itself and it's all reinforcing. 

Ben 

I was also Hiro in my last job and my team and I, we quit—on my birthday, no less. What an incredible experience. So I started the age of 32 [laughs] unemployed. Which was fun. 

I really liked that the show leaned into the work culture aspect of it, that Hiro's previous supervisor was like. “You need to quit, too. Like, I'm leaving. I got a better offer. You are way better than these people allow you to think of yourself as. You should quit, too.” I loved Hiro staying because he thought he needed to insulate his team from that kind of hell. And I love that he failed, spectacularly. Like, he tried to save a younger dev from that and he couldn't. 

I really appreciated that they show that there's no amount of effort that overcomes that sort of nonsense. A lot of the times when they do the adult BL, the work part of being an adult feels kind of missing or nebulous. They're mostly using work to recreate the cliquish dynamics of high school to tell those sort of stories, and I really appreciate it that this show, and the next show we're going to talk about actually, don't do that. 

I want to refocus now that we've talked about really fucked up, sad work part of this, on the relationship between Kai and Hiro. Part of what locked me in on this show, right away was Kai literally picks passed out Hiro up off the street, takes him back to his house, feeds him some proper food, and then jerks him off so he can go to sleep. Hiro was more than a little overwhelmed by all of this. But that man's skin cleared up the next day. 

NiNi 

[laughs] He was looking refreshed, restored, rejuvenated. 

Ben 

We had some complex reactions in our own circle and online about that particular encounter. Ginny, I want to get your commentary on this part because I think you often have the most nuanced appreciation of sexual moments that carry a level of dubious consent. And I wonder if you have any thoughts about that. 

Ginny 

One thing that you and I have talked about, Ben, is people often put male-female frameworks onto these shows. Which is not to say that consent isn't a problem between men, ‘cause it for sure is. But the way that these dynamics play out and the way that the core relational dynamics between men work is not always comparable and can't always be mapped onto a male-female dynamic. 

How I read this scene and how I think it was intended to be read is Hiro can't say, “Oh yes, do this, please,” because he's not in a headspace to accept that this is something that he could want from another man, or really at all. And again, it's really difficult to talk about this without inviting people to map it on all kinds of other situations where it doesn't belong. So please don't do that. But the way this scene is constructed felt very clearly to me like, this is something that Hiro is willing to let happen to him and maybe needs to let happen to him, but is not able to affirmatively say yes to because of where he is in his head, and especially with the way that intimacy develops between the characters later fulfilled the storyline that they set up in that first scene. 

NiNi 

I feel like this is a place we always land up in with Asian media because of the ways that Asian media portrays and puts forward ideas about what is acceptable sexually, what it is acceptable to want and not want, how it is acceptable to relate in a sexual manner. I feel like these always come up when we're dealing with Asian media. People talk about wanting to change the conversation in Asian media around this kind of stuff, and I fully understand that. 

But this story read to me pretty old school yaoi and because of that I got where the headspace of the story was coming from. Like you said, Ginny, this can't be mapped on to everything else. But in this specific story I saw where it was coming from. 

Ben 

For me, I think I would have been more concerned about their dynamic if not for the morning after conversation in the bathroom. The energy in that scene was Kai being very attentive and almost doing, like, aftercare with Hiro, who was clearly into the dynamic with that whole scene with the hair gel and then him giving him the key so he could stay and then the next episode being like, why has nothing happened since that moment? Which also, like NiNi said, is very old school yaoi.

Shan 

Sexual encounters with dubious consent happen a lot in life. It's a thing that happens. I don't need every depiction of it in fiction to be accompanied by someone turning to the camera and saying, “That was dubious consent, and it's bad.” Instead of just letting the context of the story and the characters’ reactions let us know what their headspace was and why it happened. 

And I think that the show did that. I think that we understood Hiro and Kai's dynamic well as the show progressed. I think that we saw a pattern develop where Hiro would hope for or want something from Kai, but wouldn't ask for it. And Kai could read him and see what he was going for. I like that Kai got to a point of teasing him about that and pushed him to ask for the things he wants or come right out and say or do something to confirm it. I thought it was quite legible what the show was going for here, so I was not troubled by it. They did a good job of building a believable dynamic for them of Hiro coming to rely on Kai for all kinds of different comforts and as his main source of care and pleasure. 

Ben 

I think they did a great job conveying that Kai was totally down for Hiro the whole time without it feeling, like, possessive. I particularly enjoyed around—was it episode 5 when they had that kiss on the bench where he's like,”Hirokuni-san, have you made your decision yet?” I thought that was great. 

Shan 

Pairing that with teasing him with the shots of the delicious dinners he was making at home, that Hiro wasn't making it home to eat. I think the message from Kai always, consistently, was this is all here for you. You just gotta take it. And I like that. That felt adult to me. 

Ben 

I want to talk about Kai a little bit. We know that Hiro is obviously at the end of his rope when we first see him passed out on the street, people walking past him. We learned fairly quickly that Kai is also kind of at the end of his rope. He's been a neglected, lonely child for a long time, and the only other person who ever seemed to give a shit about him was in the midst of a health crisis, and that guy's son was keeping him away from the dad because he didn't understand their relationship. 

NiNi 

I really liked, actually, that part of the issue that Kai was having with his boss and his son was that Kai couldn't ask for what he wanted out of the boss. He clearly saw the boss as a father figure and the boss saw him as a son figure, but he couldn't talk about it. It's very Japanese. He couldn't presume and he couldn't put himself in a position where he appeared presumptuous. So he had to take a step back. Be polite. He couldn't say certain things. He couldn't behave in certain ways. This is the situation, I'm going to make myself as small as possible in this situation. And then once it got to the point where he felt like maybe he could have presumed a little more, the son started to understand, “Okay, this is actually sort of a father son dynamic here,” the son backed down immediately. He was just like, “I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you guys were to each other.”

I really liked that. I am often the one who complains about the Japanese non-communication or Japanese communication and how it is frustrating for me, but I thought this was a really good use of it, of Japanese cultural expectations around family and not wanting to be presumptuous about certain things. I really think that it played out really well here. I quite enjoyed that. 

Ben 

I love the relationship between Kai and the restaurant owner. Few things are more important to a boy than bonding with an older, grumpy man and connecting in the same grumpy way. It's extremely important to your development. 

Shan 

I like what you said NiNi about Kaiju's inability to communicate what Kenji meant to him and what he was seeking from the relationship, and I like that that was mirrored in Kenji, the restaurant owner, also not being able to say out loud what the deal was, like, why this boy mattered to him. He also kept his mouth shut and didn't explain it to his son, I think for similar reasons. They have a very emotional bond that they both found hard to talk about or justify to other people. I did like that. 

I will say, though, that I do think that the Kai side of this show is the weaker element, perhaps of the story. Hiro's narrative was the main narrative, but Kai had a story too, and I do think it didn't get the fullness that Hiro's did, and it was one area where I wanted a little bit more from the show than what we got. 

Ginny 

This is more to my personal preferences than necessarily show doing right or wrong. I was much more interested in Kai and his situation than in Hiro's situation, so I also would have liked to see more of it. There were a lot of layers to the ways that Kai and Hiro each struggled to take care of themselves or see themselves as deserving care. We did get that fully played through with Hiro and we didn't really get to see Kai’s own dovetailing/mirror image issue of that fully realized and I would have liked to see it. 

Ben 

Getting back to some of the adult things I really liked in this, I really liked the whole missed opportunity around the festival because Hiro is unable to leave his job and tell him to fuck off. And I really liked Kai, just sort of accepting that disappointment, but getting something kind of interesting out of it by growing the strawberries in the tank they were hoping to use for something else. 

I really liked the failure of that moment. Hiro getting mad with himself on Kai's behalf and being frustrated that Kai didn't presume more from him and voicing all of the ways that he kind of was a jerk about the whole festival thing. I think that was one of my favorite moments in the show where Hiro gets mad, but doesn't really have a great outlet for it because he knows he's the one who's at fault. And so Kai's telling him, “It doesn't matter, like, you don't owe me anything,” only frustrated him even more. 

NiNi 

Yeah, because he wants Kai to expect things of him by that point, and he's not even entirely sure why. But he does want Kai to feel like he has responsibilities towards him. 

Ginny 

You do see Hiro consistently more upset about other people not getting what they deserve than himself [Shan mmhmms] with Kai in that situation and with his new underlying when he becomes the team lead. 

Ben 

I'm never getting over that man having a couch that matches the aesthetic of the chairs in his office. 

Shan

I clocked that in the first episode and I was so depressed. I was like, no! 

[Shan and Ben laugh] 

Ben 

I remember you pointed it out first. 

Shan 

I was like y'all, are you seeing these colors? I'm not usually a colors person, either. I don't usually notice that shit. But that was so striking to me that the one pop of color in his entire gray, sad home was that green couch that was the same green as the chairs in his office. Depressing as fuck.

Ben 

Before we get to ratings, we gotta do a shout out for Hiori, the junior dev who was clearly a fujoshi who was keyed in right away to watch series. 

[all laugh] 

Shan

I loved her!

NiNi 

She was so ready when they went on the work dinner and she was like, “All right, I'm headed out. I'm going home. Y'all are getting drunk. I'm not sticking around for this, I'm gonna catch the last train” and then Hiro’s drunk and somebody's like, “oh, we're gonna call the guy he's living with.” And she sat back down immediately, like, “He's coming here? I need to see this.” 

Shan 

Sat her ass right back down and ordered another beer. She was like, “Hell no, I'ma miss that train.” 

NiNi 

“I'm gonna pay for this Uber ride or this taxi and I'm gonna like it.” 

Ben 

I loved her. She was like, “Oh, shit, Am I gonna get to see him?” And she got everything she wanted. Kai showed up, sweaty. 

Shan 

Ooo, sweaty from his run. Mmm. 

Ben 

Glared at Konoko, like, “Don't you ever fucking put your hands on him ever again, I will fucking kill you. And she was, like, “I got everything I needed.” 

[Shan laughs]

NiNi 

She didn't even go home after that. She's just like, “Well, I need another drink because that was delightful.” 

Ben 

I do appreciate that we got to see Hiro, quit that job and stop prioritizing it at the end. Like, he woke up, clearly from them having a good session the night before, like “I ain't answering that fucking phone.” And we saw that the other employees have seemingly maybe left their job because they all looked like they were happy in the park. And they ran into Konoko, as well. So, I feel very relieved by the end of this drama. 

Shan 

I definitely interpret that group picnic at the end as confirmation that they have all left that awful job. 

Ben 

Particularly because Sakamoto was also there and I'm really glad that he looked okay. 

NiNi 

Listen, I was so worried about that kid. I was so worried that I stopped in the middle of my binge to ask. “Listen, you'll need to tell me if this kid is okay, because the last time I saw him, he was having a meltdown. And then they sent him home. And then I have not seen him. So y’all need to tell me that he's fine.” And they were like, “Yeah, he's fine” and then I was able to continue the show. 

Ben 

So, ratings! NiNi. 

NiNi 

I gave the show a 9.5. I agree with Shan and Ginny that I wanted to see a little bit more of Kai’s side of the story because I think it was actually quite intriguing. I understand that they didn't have a ton of time and they didn't use their time well, but I would have liked to see a bit more of the Kai side of things. 

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

I gave it an 8.5. I think execution-wise it probably merits a 9, but I did dock it for my own personal enjoyment because it's my rating and I'm allowed. 

Ben 

Absolutely. Shan? 

Shan 

I gave it a 9. I agree with basically what NiNi said. I think if they had managed to drive home Kai’s side of the story a little firmer, it would have been a higher score for me. But it's a good show, I really liked it. 

Ben 

It's not an obvious recommend right away, because then they have to get involved in the discourse and so it’s hard for me to just go, “It's a 10. Go watch it right now!” But I like the show a lot, so I gave it a 9 because there are reasonable knocks on some threads not being fully completed and yaoi considerations around male sex that made me a little bit grumpy to deal with while we were watching this. 

It gets a 9 from The Conversation. I liked it a lot, I think it's worth your time. 

NiNi 

I have to add, whenever I saw Kai’s hands, I kept thinking about the discussion I had with Ben about yaoi hands. 

[all laugh]

Ben 

He did have yaoi hands. 

NiNi 

He had massive hands! 

Ben 

I have started following that actor. His real smile is so fu,n he is worth following on IG. 

NiNi 

Bestie you know I don't do the socials, but for those of you who do. 

Ben 

I do. That's what I'm here for. 

00:49:27 - Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro Ka

NiNi

Moving on to Although I Love You, And You?—Japanese title Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka. Oh my God I can't believe I got that right the first time around.

Ben

Yeah, good job, bestie.

Shan

Good job, NiNi.

NiNi

I'm not gonna get it right again. So, Ben, what is Sukidoya about?

Ben

Sukidoya is a story about a burgeoning romance between a restaurant owner and a corporate salary man who has recently moved to Osaka from Tokyo. Both of these guys are coming out of failed relationships and find friendship and connection in each other. The restaurant owner already is very aware of his own queerness. Meets this guy and has an instant attraction to him and is determined to follow up on it, but decides that he should probably be a bit more cautious this time, particularly because of some of the cultural differences between Osaka and Tokyo. We get to see them try to sort through what their new potential relationship will look like with the complications that ensue. 

This was another show that we had a lot of complicated discussions about while we were watching it. Because you have more consternation than others, Shan, we'll let you go first, and then we'll follow up.

Shan

This is a show that I wanted to like more than I ended up liking. I really loved the main characters in this show. I liked that there was what felt like a very adult setup for the romance. These were two adult men with pasts, with romantic histories who had exes that were present in the story and actually had roles to play. They were coming together across differences, both cultural differences and differences in how they had experienced romance in the past, differences in how they relate, differences in their hobbies and personalities. I was very interested in all of that and I was really excited to get what I thought was going to be a pretty adult narrative about figuring out how to be in a relationship together across those differences. 

That's not really what the show ended up being about. There was a lot going on in the narrative here and some of it in the end didn't feel like it justified the amount of story time that it got. Some of it felt like it really derailed the story. There I'm speaking primarily about the insertion of a love triangle into the plot that I don't think ultimately served the story or the characters very well. Sakae’s ex, Mizuki, came into the story around the midpoint and I liked his inclusion initially, ‘cause I liked seeing this mature ex that was in the mix. It's very common for people to still have exes in their lives and we don't see it depicted very often in drama, and so I liked that he was around, that he was coming back into Sakae's orbit, that he was bringing up some issues for him that were maybe throwing a little bit of a wrench in this burgeoning romance that he had with Soga. But then the show really took that much further, turned it into a full blown love triangle, had Mizuki pursuing Sakae again, had him intervening in the romance, getting in the way, dating Sakae again briefly. It was a lot, ultimately, I think too much. It took up a lot of story time. It threw off the trajectory of Sakae and Soga’s relationship development. The pacing of the story felt pretty rushed. It felt like we hadn't really gotten to settle into any kind of relationship with them. Candidly, I am not generally a fan of love triangles. They can be done well and they have been, but this is a romance narrative in which a love triangle was kind of awkwardly inserted to create drama, and that's the kind I really don't like. That was a big negative for me on this show and threw off my investment in the romance. 

But it's not a show that I wanna be too negative about. I like a lot of what it did. I did like these characters, this smaller town restaurant owner who's really genuine and straightforward, but maybe not the most socially graceful guy. Being into this nerdy, quiet guy who has nothing in common with him, trying to figure out how to relate to each other, trying to figure out how to communicate across their differences. I really liked those aspects of it. I left the drama wishing that we had gotten a story more focused on that and less on all this random stuff that they were throwing in to create conflict. In the end I was a bit frustrated with the show, but I like a lot of what it was doing and I hope that we'll get more shows like this that focus on adult characters.

Ben

I just learned some fun trivia while doing some research. 

Shan

Oh? 

Ben

NiNi, the screenwriter of Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka is also the screenwriter on Three Star Bar in Nishi Ogikubo.

NiNi

The DNA is there. I could see it.

Ben

This is also one of the same directors who was on Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun.

NiNi

We shall not speak of it, bestie.

Shan

Don't bring them back into this. [laughs]

Ben

Ginny, of all the shows we're going to talk about tonight, you had, I think, the strongest connection to these particular characters, and I really want to hear your thoughts on them.

Ginny

While I agree that narratively the show did not hold together as strongly as it could, in every scene they were written well, they were acted well, they were consistent, they were who they were. And that, I think, was why I loved the show so much, as it played so well on a scene by scene level. Both of these are, in almost completely opposite superficial ways, men who struggle to advocate for what they want in life. Sakae is extremely a pushover. You see, as soon as his ex walks back into the scene, how difficult it is for him to say no and even earlier, as he and Soga are getting to know each other, it's very easy for him to fall into a rhythm of just doing whatever Sogo wants and enjoys and simply not advocating for himself or his interests at all. So he's this very kind of impulsively outspoken character. He keeps saying things that he doesn't mean to say, but when it comes to actually saying what he wants, he's slow to do that. 

On Soga’s side, he's very reserved, and kind of doesn't feel confident enough, I think, in his own desires to advocate for them. Even though he clearly likes and feels very drawn to Sakae, he takes so much of the show trying to figure out exactly what that means and waffling on what to do with that. I really like seeing two characters with the same fundamental issue that expresses itself in such different ways come together and try to build a relationship. 

My favorite part in the whole show is after they've started dating, they try to work out this conflict resolution system in such a characteristic way. Sakae knows Soga has been married before, so he says, “What was your ex-wife like? What was your relationship like?” Thinking in his head, “I'm going to become exactly like her, because clearly Soga liked her, so that will work out great and I foresee no problems with this.” And so Soga tells him about their conflict resolution style, which is not Sakae’s style at all, but they try it. They both kind of yes, and each other into doing something that's not gonna work for either of them and they try it for a while and then it falls apart and then they talk it out. 

It all felt so real to me as a person who struggles to express and sometimes even to know what I want. I've been in relationships on both sides where that's a major factor and they played it out so beautifully realistically, while still feeling very fun. The show always felt light, even when it was headed into kind of a difficult moment between them. It never let the mood sink too much. I loved seeing that dynamic play out between them and the ways that they tried to work towards each other and often worked harder at making the other person happy than making themselves happy and had to kind of figure out how to do both at the same time.

NiNi

I liked you describing it as them yes, and-ing each other, because that's exactly what that felt like. It felt very improv. I really enjoyed that scene a lot.

Ben

I really liked that we got to see a homo jock trying to date a culture person. That was so fuckin’ funny to me. We don't get to see fitness gays that often, and I had such a great time as a result.

NiNi

It was delightful, and it was more of that city mouse, country mouse thing that they were trying to do, it was so fun. I wish that they had leaned more into the differences between them, more than the external factors. 

Of the external factors, I really enjoyed the job one coming up and when it came up in the relationship, and the conflict that that posed. But I think that the ex-boyfriend thing was a bridge too far. I think it was important that we saw the ex-boyfriend to understand certain things about Sakae, but I don't think that they needed to drag that out into him trying to get Sakae back kind of thing.

Ben

I liked Mizuki as a character a lot and I liked them showing Sakae having an intimate, intense relationship with another person. I think on the pragmatic side, from talking about this as a drama, I'm more with Shan in that I don't know that this show set us up for the right expectations and that could be a cultural competency part on our part, because of the thing they were playing with, with the Osaka, Tokyo thing. But I was also hoping to spend more time with these guys as a functional couple perhaps than I think we got? I think it's fine for the show to do what they chose to do with their time, but I think I wanted something from the show it couldn't give us. I also got a little bit frustrated that there was way less food in the back half than there was in the front half because I signed up for a food show. 

But, they did give me a great baseball moment, so maybe it’s okay.

Shan

[laughs] They did have a really good baseball scene. I was just gonna yes, and you Ben about the food. The food was a strong presence in the first half of the show. And then it did just kind of disappeared. I wouldn’t really call this a food drama, in the end. 

I think one other piece that we kind of discussed live while we were watching that I do think is worth mentioning—not to single this show out, but to talk a little bit about a trend that exists, I think, across dramas—there was a quite a spicy sex scene between Sakae and Mizuki in this show. Far spicier than any scene we ended up getting for Sakae and Soga. Feels like a strange choice that they went to that heat level in a scene with his ex and then kept the heat so low on the current relationship. 

One of the reasons I don't like it when dramas do that is because it kind of sends a message that only toxic relationships have hot sex in them, and that when you find your right person when you're truly in love, sex is not that important, or it's not part of the dynamic. And I don't think that's a good message. It's not a sex positive message, certainly—and I don't know or think necessarily that the show intended to do that here—but, it is kind of the effect of that choice that a lot of dramas make to only show hot sex in the context of toxic or old relationships and keep the main couple of a show kind of quote unquote pure. That stuck out to me in this show and nothing that came after that scene hit anywhere close to that heat level. So it did kind of stand out as a weird choice to me.

Ginny

In terms of the general trend, I certainly agree. It is worth noting that that scene was specifically happening in Soga’s imagination, so it wasn't like, “This was how it was.” It's like, “This is how Soga is thinking about Sakae and his ex.” Which in the context of the story gives it a very different meaning. But I do certainly agree with what you're saying about the overall trend in media.

Shan

That's a good point, Ginny. It's a fair one to bring up. I do think, though, if the show is willing to go to that heat level, why are they not willing to go there with the main couple?

NiNi

And we do know that they are having a hot time, because at the end when they make back up Soga’s like, “Look, we know we gotta fuck, okay? So let's just get this relationship shit wrapped up before we do.” And I thought that was delightful.

Ginny

So good!

Shan

It was a very funny line, but it also kinda came out of nowhere, ‘cause we hadn't seen any sexual relationship for them. [laughs] 

Ginny

We saw some.

Ben

I get where Shan’s coming from, like, they confirmed that the guys are having sex and they deliver some of the prelude and the aftermath. But it stands out with what they showed with Mizuki. I think minus the Mizuki stuff, we probably don't feel that way.

NiNi

In general, I agree with Shan, yes, but I do agree with Ginny as well that this is really Soga’s imagination. Like really pushing up his fears and anxieties and all that stuff.

Ben

I at least got to make a joke about the need for a robust public transport system [Shan and Ginny laugh], because it's what allows them to be compromised in the end of this. I’m like, “You see that? Robust, fast, frequent high speed rail is the only reason that these gays made it.”

NiNi

Public transport is for the gays, that's the new slogan. 

So, ratings, how are we rating this one? Ginny, how about you? What do you think?

Ginny

I gave this one also an 8.5 from the opposite direction of Perfect Propose. I think execution wise it deserves a bit lower, but I enjoyed it so much that I bumped us up to 8.5.

Ben

Shandler?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5 because the execution issues really really bothered me. I think ultimately I really wanted to love it and I was disappointed that I didn't.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I liked all the Osaka stuff. I liked how homey they made Osaka feel. I liked the female coworker who, having been pushed back, decided to become a full on supporter and get these two guys together. I gave it an 8. I had a good time with it. I think it was well done. I could have done without most of the Mizuki arc, but, I enjoyed it.

Ben

I did like Kanda a lot too, and his friend Kanada [Kaname]? Oh man, I really like the friend support group, but this show didn't come together fully for me. I struggle to really talk about it and give a clear recommendation for it, so it's a 7.5 for me. 

Which averages out to a 7.89ish. We'll give it an 8. I think that's fair.

NiNi

I think it's fine for it to get an 8 from The Conversation.

Ben

We liked it. Even though it was not exactly what I think any of us was wanting.

01:04:44 - I Want To See Only You

NiNi

Next up, we're gonna talk the latest entry, actually: I Want to See Only You. 

Ben, what is I Want to See Only You about?

Ben

It is about how we all really, really loved Kura Yuki in [laughs] His: I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love, and we needed another show with him.

Shan

Oh, man, you're struggling. You can't even deliver the joke, sir, [laughs] ‘cause it's so ridiculous.

[Ben laughs]

Ben’s just trying to score a point off me right now, but it's not working. [laughs]

Ben

Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai, aka I Want to See Only You, is a four episode Japanese BL, partially funded by Hulu—that was kind of interesting—in which two boys in high school go through a friends-to-lovers arc. One of them has been nursing a crush for a long time on his friend, and confesses to his friend, and they deal with the complications that ensue from that in a way that I thought was really gentle and wholesome. This was a very short story, but I enjoyed it a lot. 

Because it's not that complicated! They've been childhood friends. One of them reveals that he has stronger feelings than just friendship, and the other guy just begins to process that, and we get this really interesting dynamic where they're figuring out what the changes to their relationship are going to be. There's not any real complicating drama here. It's really just about these guys sorting their shit out.

Shan

Yeah, I mean, this show is just uncomplicated. It is heartwarming. It is cute as fuck. It is two nice boys being kind to each other while they navigate a change in their relationship. It's really as simple as that. Sakura confesses to Yuma. Yuma processes the confession. They have a lovely kiss around the fire pit. It's so straightforward and I loved it. It was just nice to watch something that is gentle and kind and lovely, and that's what it is. 

I really like this show. I think it's a great serotonin hit—a quick one. And definitely recommend folks watch it.

Ben

Ginny and Nini, did you have time to watch this show?

Ginny

I did not even know it existed until I saw it on the show notes and I was like, “What's that? Oh, well, I'm already doing another show as my homework.”

NiNi

I watched it. It was very short, very sweet. I came away just with the feeling of having really enjoyed watching something, like being wrapped in a nice warm blanket. Watching these two soft boys have a soft time and then all the kooky characters around them. This is one of the things about this kind of Japanese drama that I enjoy, which is all the kooky side characters. 

So you've got the two teachers, you've got the girl who has the crush on—I can't remember which boy she has a crush on—and then the boy who has the crush on her. It's so fun. It's so delightful. The teachers are the second best part of the show. I love the teachers so much. 

It's just fun. It's sweet. It doesn't require a lot of you. It's very wholesome. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Ben

I was being really goofy at the beginning of this, but I like Kura Yuki a lot and I'm really glad we got to see him in BL again. I thought he was really good in the His prequel, and I really enjoy getting to see him again.

NiNi

He has really sad eyes, which I actually really enjoyed.

Shan

Yeah, he has a really emotive face, I think. I'm excited to see him keep doing more shows.

Ben

There's really not that much more to say. This is a really quick, really gentle show. If you need a really good mood boost, I recommend it. 

Ratings! Shan?

Shan

I gave this a 9. It is straightforward. It is sweet. It's an easy watch. Highly recommended.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

I also give it a 9. It's incredibly straightforward and cute. I enjoyed it. I like that they couldn't quite figure out how to shift their relationship from friends to boyfriends. They were dating and they're like, “Should we be doing, like, other stuff?” But they were just doing the same stuff that they had always done. I found that delightful.

Ben

I gave it a 9.5 for the terrible pasta they made. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Shan

We forgot to talk about the pasta!

NiNi

The pasta was so bad.

Shan

[still laughing] Those boys really went outside and picked some tomatoes and just tossed them fully, without any chopping, into a pan and stirred them around a lil bit and put them on top of some fucking limp noodles and called that spaghetti.

Ben

Zero notes. [laughs]

NiNi

The pasta was still semi-crunchy. It was delightful. It was so high school. It was the most high school thing I've ever seen.

Shan

[still laughing] Raw tomatoes and, like, unseasoned noodles? Amazing.

Ben

I really loved it. For your context Ginny, this is when the boys are trying to figure out the shift in their relationship and they make a list of things they wanna do together. Making pasta with the tomatoes they were growing in the school garden was one of those things. And I thought that was a really lovely idea and super romantic. And then because they're a bunch of high school boys who barely know how to cook, they fucked it up badly. But they had a good time together. It was great.

Shan

It was so good. 

Ginny

Incredible.

NiNi

Seriously, Ginny, it's a short watch. It's an easy watch. If you're ever in the mood for something to just lift your mood, I suggest watching it.

Ben

So it gets a 9 from The Conversation. It's worth your time. Please go watch it.

01:10:55 - I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama

NiNi 

On to the main event, which Ben has literally been waiting to talk about since we recorded the winter series. We're finally going to talk about I Became the Main Role [of] a BL Drama. Ben, you've been basically building up to this moment. Go right ahead. 

Ben 

I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama is about how these two boys will drown the audience in the BL goodness. [Shan laughs]

NiNi

Oh God.

Ben

It is a BL about making a BL, which is a lot of fun. No shade against Thailand in this, but when they do self-critical BL it's not always the most fun experience because there's a lot of real grievances the people making it need to air—and I completely respect that. But it also can be kind of a downer. When Japan makes fun of BL, they end up seeming to have more fun poking at the nature of the genre and delivering on the comedic beats without it just feeling like a bitch session. 

So, in this particular show, we have Aoyanagi Hajime, who is a former child actor who was struggling a bit with his career and trying to figure out how to move forward, and he gets an opportunity to be one of the leads in a BL production against a up-and-coming idol, Akafuji Yuichiro. They are working on a workplace BL and we're mostly on the set of them filming this show. We don't get to see the show itself. I really wish we would get to see the show they made, it looks great. 

They're starting to work on the show, and the two guys do not seem to have much chemistry. The reason we learn is because Yuichiro is actually an Aoyanagi Hajime stan, who is internally freaking out the whole time because he's this close to his idol. And they suggest the two guys live together to build up their chemistry. Their relationship gets complicated as they start to develop something between each other, and this complicates their relationship on set as well. But we mostly spend that time unpacking Aoyanagi’s confidence issues. 

This was my favorite show. Before I just start gushing about how beautiful I find Akutsu Nichika, Ginny, thoughts on the show?

Ginny 

I love this show so much. Just hearing you talk about it, I was feeling little bubbles of delight remembering all of the different scenes and moments and setups. It was just exquisite. It was so fun and so funny. Very comic, but also felt true to these people as people. Love seeing the cheeky BL commentary. Love seeing Abe Alan play this cool, up-and-coming popular idol, who is just smitten with this kind of no-name, famous-for-one-ad guy and just is flailing around, having to try to act BL. 

One of the best moments any BL drama will ever give us is him asking Hajime to record that one kinda bitchy line he says for fap material. [Ben and Shan laugh] God, that's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me personally. 

Ben 

We will not do that scene justice describing it because it's not just about the dialogue of the scenario. It is staged really well. The blocking is a huge part of the joke in that one, because of what other people know or don't know in the background. It's really a great sequence of the show. 

NiNi 

I loved all of the blocking in that show, all of the stage direction, all the stuff that's happening in the background of all the scenes when they're on set is hilarious. Japanese shows will always reward you for paying attention to what's happening in the background of a scene. And this show, in particular, the background of every scene, is just phenomenal. It is delightful. 

Ben 

We cruised into the new year watching this show. 

Shan 

It was both the last show of 2023 and the first show of 2024 for us. 

Ben 

This show ended, I was like, “We've already decided the winner [laughs] for ‘24. Everybody, pack it up.” 

Shan 

I love this show. It's a great example of a super high velocity comedy where it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke coming at you from all sides in every moment of the show, not just through the dialogue, but through the scenery, through the blocking, through the things that other characters are doing just out of the frame. This thing is just packed, packed, packed with jokes, and so every time you watch it, you will see new stuff that you missed last time. There are so many gags in this, it's just so well done. The command you have to have to deliver comedy in that way with this extremely zippy pacing, in that super-packed content to shove it all into this three hour package. It's just so impressive. It's the kind of precision that most productions can only aspire to. 

There was such good visual jokes in this. The reveal that Akafuji had been wearing a fan T-shirt [laughs] underneath his clothes in scenes. There was a fantastic scene with a leg kabedon. 

Ben 

Hold on, this is fun. Let's go around the group with a gag that we remember until we run out. Shan gave two. NiNi?

NiNi 

I mean, I feel like the leg kabedon was a moment, because when I finally watched the show, I literally said, “Did he just do a kabedon with his leg?” and I was instructed [Ginny and Shan laugh] in the ways of Japanese media in that moment. 

Shan 

Sure did! 

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

Him running after Hajime carrying his Hajime standee. 

Ben 

After he had previously used it as a shield. [laughs]

Ginny 

Yeah. 

Ben 

One of the gags I enjoyed was all Aoyangi mentioning he was called a bad kisser by his ex, and Akafuji just checks out for that moment, like he's not even listening to the rest of the conversation. He just keeps repeating “moto kono,” referring to the ex-girlfriend over and over again because he's spiraling over it. I enjoyed that one a lot. 

[all laugh]

NiNi 

Speaking of spiraling! Him fighting with the showerhead. 

Shan

[Ginny and NiNi laugh] Oh my God! The showerhead! I still don’t understand what he was doing in that scene, but it was so funny. 

Ben 

It represents his sexual desire almost being out of control. 

Shan 

Oh, I got that part. [laughs] I just don't understand what the character was doing. 

[Ginny laughs]

Ben 

Struggling. 

NiNi 

When he nearly kissed Aoyanagi, then he went outside and basically hung over the balcony railing [laughs]. Just had a meltdown just from being close enough to almost kiss him. 

Ben 

The spinning scene on the steps where I was like, “He's gonna kill that boy.” [Ginny laughs]

Shan 

Yes! When they were like, twirling each other around on a concrete stairway. [Ben laughs] 

There were so many good supporting characters in this, too. I really liked the initial pitch scene with the producers who are describing the vision for the show.

Ben 

That was fucking fantastic.

NiNi

Oh my God!

Shan

The level of intensity that they were bringing to their description of this super fucking basic office BL. [laughs]

Ben

Our follow[ers] did not understand the way I lost my shit over this show after the first episode. From the “I will drown the audience in the BL goodness” scene, I was like, “This is it, y'all. This is the show.” 

Shan 

This is the one. 

Ben

“Everyone else can go. I'm done. I found what I needed.”

NiNi 

So funny, and literally every time she was on screen, whether it was foreground or background, she was killin’ it. I loved her. 

Shan 

Every performer in this show was so dialed in at all times, whether they were the focus of a scene or not, they were always doing something important and funny in the background. There was also, of course, the great runner with the managers— 

Ginny 

The managers! 

Shan

—who were carrying on a secret romance. 

Ben 

We saw them interacting like, “Are they exes? Are they together? What's goin’ on?”

Shan 

It was clear somethin’ was going on there from the start. 

Ben 

They know each other, that's for sure. 

Ginny 

Mmhmm.

NiNi 

They definitely know each other. 

Ginny 

They know each other. 

Shan 

They know each other. I was very surprised by the spicy reveal we got [laughs] about their relationship. 

NiNi 

It was kind of spicy, wasn't it? There was choking involved. 

Shan 

And then also Ryoga, who was brought in to be a co-star in the show. He was, like, a very well known actor/influencer, I think? 

Ben 

He was a member of a boy band and they were bringing him in for additional crossover appeal. ‘Cause his strong point was his arrogance. [Ginny and Ben laugh] He walks in the room and they're like throwing fucking feathers for him. And then he starts helping them pick it up. “Thanks for throwing the feathers, guys.” [all laugh]

Shan 

This drama! Three episodes, it had a small cast, but it did so much with what it had. 

Ben 

We were only with this show for two hours, but boy was that a great time. 

NiNi 

It was so much fun. The producer, the look on her face in the background when the two of them were flirting on set and she caught them? [Shan laughs] Her face was slowly lighting up. [laughs] 

Ben 

She's like— 

Shan

So happy. 

Ben

—”Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.” [all laugh] 

I love the manager glaring at his own fucking ward. He's like, “Can you read that line again for me?” and he glares at him. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

Shan 

Oh man. 

Ben 

In terms of the BL commentary, that was fun. There's the whole ramp up of you get selected for a role, you don't really know your costar, there's the reading of the material. 

One of the things I really enjoyed with this is that they delved into Aoyanagi really struggling with the fact that he was unable to build rapport with his co-star right away. I like actors getting to play actors and stuff. When Aoyanagi was acting as his character, he was actually really good and was really dialed in. It was really cool how quickly he could go in and out of character. I really liked them showing that he's actually good, but he's in his own head about it because he's really sensitive to commentary from fans, and they reinforce how fan behavior has really potentially negative impacts on actors and entertainers with Kuromiya. He gets cornered by a really aggressive fan, and has to be saved by Aoyanagi in that moment. 

I actually liked the moment with Tendo, the female supporting character on their cast, when Aoyanagi’s trying to talk to her about what's going on with Akafuji and he's speaking about it hypothetically, and she's like, “If your co-star is trying to make out with you off set, that's not good.”

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

“That's extremely bad.” And he's like, “Wait, but this is a BL story, we're gonna just ride it out for this.” But she's like, “Mmm, no.” 

Shan 

Aside from how very fucking funny this is, it had some really good messages. The most important thing this show did for me was make it super clear that, in order for the two of them to have a real relationship and have a romance, Akafuji had to let go of being Aoyanagi’s fan. You can't idolize and worship a person if you want a relationship with them. You have to process them as a human being, a full human being, and see them fully for who they are, and not keep them on this fannish pedestal. I really like that the show was clear about that. Being a fan, being a stan of somebody, is not the same thing as loving them. 

Ben 

It was really surprising as well that the show allowed there to be the commentary about the network, late in production, interfering—getting cold feet about something. The guys had a lot of consternation about whether or not they'd be able to deliver a proper kiss for the intimacy, and then the powers that be pulled the kiss, and you get the sense immediately from the producers that that wasn't their choice, that people with money above them made that decision and they had to just deliver the party line and just accept it. 

Shan 

That probably brings us to our one real criticism of this show, yeah? 

Ben 

The reason why the show did not get a 10. [laughs] 

Shan 

Damn it, we wanted it to get a 10! 

Ben 

I get what they were going for. They reserved that moment for them. But I'm looking at you TV Asahi. 

Shan 

Because, they did not deliver a kiss.  

Ben 

They didn't. 

Shan

They did not deliver a kiss in this show. [laughs]

Ben

It’s the only knock.

Shan 

They teased a kiss continuously. They showed them about to kiss multiple times before cutting the camera away. 

Ben 

We got sad kissing in episode 2. 

Shan 

They implied that they might have been kissing as practice off camera, that we didn't see. And then they ended the show—similarly to Cherry Magic—with the camera zooming in on them, about to kiss, and then a cut to black. It was unsatisfying all around. 

It's the one real ding on the show. The first time they did the fake out, we were like, “Oh no, show. Please don't do this. We want to love you unreservedly. Please just deliver the kiss.”

Ben 

That's the real sadness of our two grab bags. We did not get a NiNi “I love this unreservedly” and we talked about like 10 shows. [Ben and Shan laugh]

NiNi 

Everything's got a little ding to it right now, but we'll get that again, I believe. 

Ben 

[laughs] But genuinely I love this. I really like that for the little time we spent with them, all the characters felt really human to me in a way that was really accessible. And even though they were mostly broad strokes in all of these characters, I got a lot out of it. It was really, truly one of my favorite BL experiences I've had in a long time. 

NiNi 

I'm gonna give it a 9.75. 

Ben 

Oh, my God, here she goes. 

Shan 

[laughs] She’s cheating! That’s just cheating— 

Ginny

Cheating!

Shan 

—so you can be the most generous.

NiNi 

It's not cheating. It is producer privilege. Get it right. [Ginny and Shan laugh]

Ben 

Ginny? 

Ginny 

I gave it a 9.5. Would have been a 10 if they'd given us the kiss, but a truly delightful and worthwhile show. 

Shan 

Same. 9.5 for same reason. 

Ben 

I gave it a 9.5 for the same thing. It's a 9.5 from The Conversation. 

Shan 

But let the record state that NiNi is the most generous. [laughs]

Ben 

Truly, we love this. This is one of our favorites. Go watch it right now. 

Ginny 

I have to rewatch it ‘cause I don't even remember my favorite gags. 

Ben 

Exactly. You gotta go watch again and get your gags back. 

01:26:16 - Outro

NiNi

And with that, we have come to the end of our Japanese Grab Bag. So, what are we thinking about Japanese BL having just run down six of them in a row? Ginny, you go first.

Ginny

Last time I answered this question I was kind of feeling like Japanese BL can do no wrong, and now I feel like, well it can, and has. There have been several less than perfect shows. Still feeling very positive overall. Loving so far—knock wood—some of what's currently airing. 

The beautiful density of storytelling that Japanese BL tends to deliver in such a short time, it almost never feels hollow or incomplete. It feels very rich and detailed, and I continue to love and appreciate that.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I am just living right now. What a time to be alive. Japanese BL coming at us, all the time, consistently. It didn't used to be like this. We used to go long stretches with nothing coming out from Japan. No clue what was gonna come next. And now it’s like, we've got these consistently airing shows, we've got shows that are showing up as a surprise alongside that. I think at one point we had six different Japanese QLs airing simultaneously. That's just an unheard of bounty of Japanese QL content, and I am so happy about it. I hope it continues. 

With volume, of course, comes some shows that are not gonna hit as well as the cream of the crop, but I still love the experience of watching all of them, I love getting to dig into this much Japanese content. I'm just so happy and I hope it continues.

Ben

I can't believe we got to talk about nine Japanese projects in a single season of this show. That's ridiculous.

Shan

Wow, right?

Ben

I am having a great time, and I'm actually glad some of these shows were flops or duds. As much as I really like Japanese BL, I'm glad that there was a show that I got to genuinely hate in this run [laughs] so that NiNi could see that I'm capable of hating a Japanese project with my whole heart.

NiNi

I did actually need to see that. That is true.

Ben

I'm havin’ a great time. It's really refreshing that so many different networks were involved. We had shows from about five or six different networks, and even if it feels like we're getting a slowdown in spring, I am very glad that we have more projects on the way. There's at least two more Japanese projects on the horizon, so. I'm in a really good place.

NiNi

There's some stuff in there, I think, that we're going to talk about in the Lagniappe about where things seem to be going next season, but for now, that's going to be it from us. 

We out. Say bye to the people, everybody, this time in actual chorus: 1, 2, 3.

Ben

Peace.

Shan

Bye.

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Oh my God. Y'all are terrible at this. 

[Ginny and Shan laugh]

[livelaughghoul]

Logan Sargeant - Birth chart Analysis

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only, nothing observed or taken away from this should be considered fact. As a reminder, I know fuck all about Formula 1, I just like fast cars and have a dumb amount of knowledge of astrology and tarot. 

I need Logan to release his birthtime right now. I am on my knees, begging and screaming, for an accurate birthtime and location. I feel like his chart has a lot of balance to it, even with the dominance in the southern hemispheres. There is a lot of balance between the eastern/western hemispheres, which is a nice change of pace! He does have two planets in retrograde at his birth, which isn’t a big deal, but it’s Saturn and Jupiter that are retrograded, which I think can bring some challenges to the overall chart and lifetime. 

I did not go into the aspects of his chart, mainly because I ran out of time, but this is something that I plan on looking into on my own time. His chart is honestly really interesting in terms of logic vs. emotion. I got a lot of joy out of his chart, I feel like without knowing anything about him, I have a better understanding of some of the things I do read or hear about him. 

THE PLANETS:

Sun - Capricorn 

They could never make me hate you, Logan. You are a beautiful, Florida Man, and goddamn I will defend you in the trenches. Capricorn is one of those signs that screams ambition, practicality, and genuineness. It’s a sign that wants to be the best and push the limits. I think that no matter what is accomplished, it’s not going to be good enough. Logan is going to continue to strive for more because he feels that it is not enough. Most Capricorns are usually incredibly intelligent and super dedicated, they also love to plan ahead. I have this idea in my head that Logan has goals for certain ages, like this is how he is measuring success, ya know? Capricorn is super influenced by Saturn, so I'm pretty certain that Logan struggles with overthinking a lot he wants to make the right choice and take that responsibility, but he gets too inside of his head. Capricorns are almost always super funny, so I have no doubts that this man could make me snort because I’m laughing too hard. Either way, I love this placement, even if it’s prone to overthinking spirals. 

Moon - Pisces

Maybe it’s because of my toxic moon sign, but I truly do not like a Moon Pisces, at all. When the moon is in Pisces it’s usually telling of a compassionate and loyal person, but it’s also this incredibly indecisive and confusing nature that becomes frustrating. I absolutely can see this having a heavy influence on Logan and how he handles and addresses his own emotions, it’s an incredibly emotional placement, and the moon carries heavy emotional implications. It’s such a heavy emotionally focused placement that Logan reacts on emotions more than anything else, and he is probably overwhelmed by his emotions too. 

Rising - Aries

Now this is a placement I can get behind! I think that it brings a lot of balance to the over-emotional moon sign, so it’s easier to cope and handle those emotions instead of letting them completely overwhelm him. I love the almost abrupt nature of this rising as well because it’s one that speaks its mind, and doesn’t always mince words. He’s going to have a hard time biting his tongue. The downside of this placement is being accident-prone, which really does not bode well when your entire career is driving at ridiculous speeds. 

Mercury (Planet of intelligence) - Capricorn 

I am convinced that Logan would be a fantastic member of any strategy team. A Capricorn Mercury is almost methodical in its approach and almost calculating. There absolutely is a struggle between logic and emotion, because his chart has so much emotion to it, but I think that there is a lot of rational that comes into this placement.

Venus (Planet of love and pleasure) - Aquarius 

This is honestly one of the most gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss placements a Venus can be in, I hate it. It’s definitely loving and kind, but it’s also detached and there is such importance on the self and maintaining a sense of freedom and individual identity. It’s also one of the more jealous placements in my opinion, and considering how emotional his chart is, this has gotta be off the wall. 

Mars (Planet of physical energy) - Scorpio 

I think that this is one of the more understated Mars placements because its physical energy is more in the way that it is presented instead of brute strength. The Mars energy comes through in the ambition, the determination, the desire to be the best. When we pair this is the Venus placement, I think that there is an almost explosive nature to relationships. It’s got a strong emotional bond that almost plays into the physical nature of the relationship. It feels overwhelming, physical touch is important, and it can be borderline almost possessive. 

Jupiter (Planet of luck, optimism, and success) - Gemini

This is so funny to me because this placement emphasizes adventure and travel. I get the feeling that there is luck in terms of the career when it comes to traveling, but the career would be better somewhere that requires more communication or even intelligence. Yes, he absolutely is a great and undervalued driver, but I think that focus needs to shift elsewhere, still in the field, but maybe not necessarily driving.

Saturn (Planet of responsibility)  - Taurus

I usually don’t like when Saturn is in an earth sign, because it becomes almost dangerously stubborn. Logan does not know when to call it, he needs someone else to step in and remind him to calm down and take a break. He likely has a tendency to overwork himself to try and meet the standards that are being placed on him, and it’s causing more damage than benefit at this point. 

I want to wrap this man in a shock blanket, give him baked goods, and force him to take a fucking break. 

Uranus (Planet of change and originality) - Aquarius 

This is such a wonderful placement for Logan. I get the feeling that he has a lot of creative and almost challenging ideas that he wants to try and bring into reality. Some of these ideas don’t work out, like at all, but when he is able to properly implement these plans, they’re incredible. I do not believe that he is being utilized in any capacity, like, let this little Florida Man try his funky ideas! 

Neptune (Planet of mystery and illusion) - Aquarius 

I think that this placement is really interesting, but it could be that I don’t know anything about Logan. I think that there is a lot of focus on others than the self with this placement. I think that a lot of his placements and behaviors are indicative of sometimes bordering on selfish behavior, but Neptune almost completely changes that. There is a selfless nature to this placement, and I think that Logan likes that mystery of things. 

Pluto (Planet of death and rebirth) - Sagittarius 

This placement is one of the quicker placements for Pluto, so its influence isn’t massive. I do think that there is a huge importance for truth, loyalty, and the whole story. I think that Logan appreciates the truth of things, even if it’s something that he doesn’t want to hear. 

THE HOUSES:

Second house (house of Possessions) - Saturn 

I like this placement a lot actually, because there is a lot of patience here. Logan has a lot of patience, but can sometimes feel frustrated with how slowly the possessions come in. I don’t think that he is necessarily materialistic, but there is an appreciation for things when he feels comfortable enough purchasing things. He’s also definitely a gift-giver, like that, and physical touch has got to be his love language.  

Third house (house of Communication) - Jupiter 

Logan is a golden retriever, 100%. He is incredibly optimistic while maintaining a level of realism. I think a lot of it comes down to needing to keep busy to keep his mind busy, if there isn’t something happening, he might get agitated and become short. Travel is hugely beneficial as well like it brings a lot of benefit to the career and self.

Eighth house (house of Death, regeneration, and legacies) - Mars 

The eighth house is interesting, it’s one of my favorite houses but also one of my least favorites. Logan is passionate and incredibly hardworking, but I think that there is some danger to this. I get the sense that he tends to be taken advantage of.

Ninth house (house of Mental exploration) - Pluto 

Logan wants to know everything out there, he wants to know more about everything out there and deepen his understanding of the world, his career, and everything. He wants to know as much as he can to further himself and his career. He probably really enjoys being able to have deep conversations with those around him, like FaceTime with this man and let him go off. 

Tenth house (house of Career) - Sun and Mercury

WE LOVE TENTH HOUSE SUN, we love it. It’s the dedication to the career, to further the self, and overcoming obstacles in one's life. It’s a natural affinity to excel at the career of choice (even though I think there would be benefits from a career change). Mercury furthers this idea that I have that he would be better in some sort of strategy or commentary position because there is such a natural talent for communication and speech. 

Eleventh house (house of Hopes, dreams, and friends) - Venus, Uranus, and Neptune

Venus tells us that he has no trouble making friends, at all. He can draw people in with a cute little smile, and just forms connections with those around him. I do think that there is an overwhelming need to be accepted and liked by everyone, but I think that is largely due to Uranus. Uranus forms fast and strong bonds with others, especially if there is a mutual interest. Neptune is definitely a really good third placement here! It’s seriously such a good placement because I know Logan is a great and compassionate friend, he is so understanding of what his friends need and shows up for them. 

Twelfth house (house of Secrets and self-undoing) - Moon 

I don’t think that this is ideal at all, because his chart is so emotional, this just furthers that. I think that there is a lot of insecurity and hurt there. He may try to mask the hurt and harm from others, but it’s there and it isn’t always masked. I think we see the cracks in the mask more than he would prefer, but I think it’s beneficial. I think that these cracks make him more human.

[mychoombatheroomba]

Black-Out Names

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 39

You read through your contraband and Leon finds a way to spend time with you - in short, both of you continue to find new ways to break the rules.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Index

Leon’s muscles aching, finishing the day with fresh bruises, getting knocked on his ass thanks to your and Krauser’s combined efforts, stealing glances at you when there was a lull in instruction . . . it was almost like old times. If what had only been a few months ago could be considered “old times”. 

Having you back after that first week was enough to brighten the worst days. 

Even if you couldn’t join the rest of the squad in marches, or combat drills, you were at least allowed now to sit in for Reed and Hellman’s lessons. Leon watched you throw yourself into the studies, unyielding in your desire to learn. To prepare in some way for what was out there. Every time the agents would go over knowledge of known bioweapons, your eyes would sharpen, your muscles tensing. And if your body couldn’t perform right now, you made every effort to make sure that your mind could. Even if it meant setting mock explosives up with Krauser every morning before drills - and sometimes while everyone was taking meals. Even if it resulted in tripwires being set up in annoyingly inconvenient places, you were doing a little better. You always worked best when you had a goal. A purpose. You wouldn’t fall completely behind, if you could help it. 

Leon did his best to follow suit, trying to work in time to practice new skills between nights sparring with the others, or getting his ass handed to him by Major Krauser - who still took to the task with fervor. The impending graduation made it easier to focus, but you . . . 

Maybe Krauser hadn’t been entirely wrong about you being a weakness, because it was hard not for Leon to look your way when he was in the classroom with you. It was hard not to let his thoughts drift to you during the day, wishing it was you that he locked blades with instead of Valeria or the others. 

With Hellman’s eyes on the two of you, though, he knew he couldn’t afford to be obvious. He couldn’t even afford to let a glance betray the two of you.  

Still, on those days when you weren’t helping Krauser set clever traps and you joined the others in the mess hall, he would sit at your side. You were friends, after all. Reed and Hellman knew that much. There was no harm in you two speaking, so long as it was in public. With others. Still, Leon would sometimes risk a self-indulgent touch; fingers brushing as he handed you water, his knee resting against yours under the table . . . 

He felt like he was in a goddamn old-timey movie. One of secret affairs and longing glances. Forbidden love. 

You would have hated that way of describing it, but Leon would have given just about anything to see your annoyance at the description. He could imagine the eye-roll you’d give him. You’d probably continue that eye roll as he kissed you, too, he could almost see it. 

He could almost see a lot of things, as he sought solace in the memory of your touches. 

It wasn’t enough. 

He’d gone a long time without your touch before, at Fort Benning, but now it was your company he craved, too. Desperately. With eight - and now seven - weeks on the clock, he wanted as much time with you as possible before he was shipped off to fight the horrors Reed and Hellman described to the others. The monsters that Leon, in ever-dwindling spare time, would describe to his squad mates, telling them how he fought and killed the nightmares. He wasn’t ready to face them again, and he wasn’t ready to leave you behind. 

So, he would seek opportunities to be with you. Reed and Hellman wanted him to learn spy shit? He could do that. He could find more ways to be around you that wouldn’t draw suspicion.

And he started that process mostly by accident. 

⧫⧫⧫

You had never been one to stay up late reading, even before joining the Army. Your youth had been spent in other ways, and if there was a late night to be had, it was often one involving being out and about in the world, finding ways to get in trouble. 

You hadn’t thought that your C.O. would so readily help you find that trouble. 

The reports weren’t supposed to be in your hands - that much was clear. Krauser would have just openly given them to you if they were something you were supposed to have. So, during the day and when you helped the Major with setting up more traps around the base, you kept them stashed away in the lining of the mattress you slept on. 

In the free hours of the night, though . . . you kept the light on and the blinds closed, and you did as Krauser ordered you to do; you read. 

Leon was the one trained to be a police officer. You’d been a grunt from the day you could put the uniform on, but still you found your mind making connections. You were an investigator, trying to understand just how everything had gone so wrong. Trying to tie together the events that had put you and Leon and so many others through such hell.  

It did your mind no favors, knowing that, whatever else was going on behind the scenes with Umbrella, all known records of anything bioweapon-related started on a date you knew all too well. 

January 29th, 1998. 

The night your life nearly ended and was forever changed. 

You didn’t reread the report. You were the one who made it, after all. You’d agonized over the details of that night enough. 

Total destruction . . .

Viral weaponry . . .

Unknown paramilitary group involvement . . .

One survivor . . .

The only thing of importance in that report was the date. The fact that everything else followed it, which exhumed an old guilt that had started to eat at you when you heard the reports of Raccoon City. Even if the government had wanted to cover up what happened there, you’d seen the news. Heard the reports of people gone mad, a strange sickness that made its victims violent. 

“She looked like a corpse. Like a walking corpse!” you’d heard on the radio, one day. You remembered. 

You’d known in your heart what it all was, before it had even been confirmed to you. And in those nights you spent reading and rereading, you found yourself filled with anger. You’d often thought that if you’d been faster or stronger or smarter on that night in January, then maybe there would have only been one report for you to read through now. You’d let your own guilt talk you into believing that you could have stopped what was to come. 

Now, though, reading a chain of communications from August, you realized that it was inevitable that it would end up this way, because the government that employed you had smelled blood and come running. 

𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝: (𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎)

𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖: █.█.

𝙼𝚢 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚜 ███████ ██████, 𝚊 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙲𝚘𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙸’𝚖 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔, 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚗 ███████ 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝. 

𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 ███████ 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚏𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙲𝚘𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚔, 𝚒𝚏 𝚋𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚡𝚢, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗. 

𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝, 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝. 

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚝 █████ ████ 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚒𝚗 𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 - 𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚟𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜. 𝙸𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚒𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚗. 

𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚒𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗 - 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚒𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙸𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍, 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚒𝚎𝚛𝚜, 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚒𝚏 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚒𝚜��� 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚎. 

𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊 𝙲𝚘𝚛𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝙸 𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚒𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢. 

𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍, 𝙸’𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎.

You’d read that part time and time again. You’d let ink on paper seed rage and retribution in your heart. Even blacked out, you knew the name of the scientist writing - Leon had told you and Krauser both all those nights ago. Birkin. A name for you to assign blame to, if not for the knife in your gut, then for the creation of the virus that destroyed your life. 

Trouble was, you didn’t have a name for whoever had been stupid enough to answer his call for help. Not with the letters blacked out, hidden from your view. 

𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝: 𝚁𝙴 (𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎)

𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖: █.█.

𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚜, 𝙳𝚛. ██████. 𝚆𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 . . . 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚛, 𝚑𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚍, 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙. 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚄𝚖𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊’𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝚂 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗. 𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎. 𝙺𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚞𝚜 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜. 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚜.

█████ ████

Not without something actionable . Reading that sentence was molten metal being poured into your gut. This wasn’t something the CIA agents had bothered to talk about. Nor would they, you imagined. Too damning. Too irredeemable. It left the taste of bile behind as you read confirmation of what Leon had already told you; the US had seen potential instead of tragedy from the destruction of your base. 

Whoever this blacked-out name was, they’d wanted a weapon and damn the consequences.

Damn the consequences, and damn the man who made that weapon, as you later discovered.

𝚂𝙴𝙿𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙴𝚁 𝟸𝟽𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟸:𝟶𝟶

𝚁𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝: █████ ████

𝚁𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝙲𝚒𝚝𝚢

█████ █████ 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚜 “█”. 𝙸𝚏 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝙳𝚘𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛 ██████, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚗𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚞𝚜 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚜. 𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚢.

And then, a few lines down . . .

𝚂𝙴𝙿𝚃𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙴𝚁 30𝚝𝚑, 01:𝟶𝟶

𝚁𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙰𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝: █████ ████

𝚁𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝙲𝚒𝚝𝚢

𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 █████ █████, 𝚠𝚎 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚞𝚛𝚎. 𝚂𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚎𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎. 𝚂𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍.

Shit had hit the fan and they’d left Birkin out to dry. Him and whoever had been sent into the city on a suicide mission. You couldn’t say you pitied the Doctor. In fact, you were glad that he was dead. Glad that, according to what little Leon had told you of that night, Birkin had been stripped of his humanity by his own creation, until Leon put him down at last.

As you read the reports, you sighed as you learned that no one - or, at least, no one in the reports you were handed - had walked away with the virus. The US had lost out on their dirty prize. And then they’d destroyed an entire city. 

All for Umbrella’s idiocy, hundreds of people had suffered. The man you cared for most in the world had suffered. 

You needed to know all there was to know.

So you’d stayed up night after night, reading and piecing together the story until Krauser would come and get you to set more traps. And when you returned, you would read into the waking hours or until exhaustion demanded rest, whichever came first. 

Even if you’d asked, in essence, to see those reports, they frustrated you. 

As if you weren’t already frustrated enough as it is with your situation. 

The only thing keeping you sane were your outings onto base. Going with Krauser at night to set the traps . . . and the few classes you were allowed to take with your squad. Seeing Leon again, even if it had to be in public settings, even if you couldn’t let yourself express what you wanted to express, was enough to keep you sane and make you teeter on the edge all at once. 

So you focused on reading. On the radio. On anything you could focus on. 

Like the little lockpicking set in your hands, one you twisted and turned, trying to get it to click open. 

Hellman had been nice enough to give you a few sets of locks to practice on - as if “nice” was an act you really bought from the man who’d waterboarded and beaten you. Maybe he felt bad that his friend broke your ribs. Reed sure as hell didn’t. The darker-eyed agent hadn’t really spoken more than a few words to you since the interrogations. That suited you well enough. Getting into a fistfight would be a bad idea in your condition. 

A really cathartic, bad idea . . .

The pins aligned, and the lock in your lap gave way, opening up to nothing at all but a slight feeling of satisfaction, somewhat familiar. You’d tried to learn in your youth. Helped to have actual instruction now, even if it was from men you hated.

“You’re goo’ a’at.” The observation was barely audible as Doc shoveled more pasta into his mouth. Penne with a red sauce. You were fairly certain that Krauser had asked the medic to watch and make sure you weren’t doing anything to aggravate your injuries. You were also fairly certain he was always eating homemade meals in the room just to torture you. 

Joke’s on you, old man. Been there, done that.

“Have to be. It’s all I really can do.” That might have been an over exaggeration, but there was enough truth there to warrant the statement.

It just made the grizzled man swallow and shrug. “You’re good at picking radio stations and frowning, too.” 

You wouldn’t have hesitated to tell a superior officer to fuck off, once. Not one who had started becoming less and less formal with you, anyway. Still, you held your retort but for a glower. 

Besides, footfalls and Doc’s attention being drawn elsewhere stole your chance for a reply. 

You couldn’t be mad at the theft when you looked up and saw who stepped into the room. 

Only Leon could look so gorgeous covered in mud and grime, his fatigues dirtied on the front and his arms covered in it too. Arms that were held up against his chest, one hand clasped over the other. It wasn’t a tight enough grip to prevent the blood from slipping down his muddied arm, though - a sight that made your eyes widen involuntarily. 

“What’d you do this time, rookie?” Doc asked, setting his lunch down and rising to his feet. 

Leon looked from the older man to you, and there was no evidence of real pain in his soft smile. “Ask that one. Unless you want to tell me someone else put a tripwire charge in barbed wire.” 

Ah, so he’d been the first one to run across the tripwire charge that you and Krauser had left there the night before. Well, more so the Major than you. The low hanging barbed wire set up to train for the infiltration course wasn’t something that you’d be crawling through any time soon - a fact that should have immediately cleared you of any blame for setting the charge there. Now, were you guilty of thinking of putting it there? That was another story.

Did you feel guilty for your little idea causing Leon to bleed? 

Also another story. 

“Come on,” Doc moved forward, ignoring the playful jab thrown at you. “Let’s see.” 

It was a nasty cut. Or maybe tear would be the better word. Deep and still gushing some blood on Leon’s right hand. Nothing incredibly serious, but for the mud Leon had been crawling through. “Krauser wanted me to go get it cleaned.” Your suspicion was confirmed with those words, and Leon once again looked between you and the Doc. 

“Better stitch it, too,” the Doc nodded, pulling the supplies he’d need as you were struck with a feeling of deja vu. It wasn’t so long ago you were stitching up Leon after the tear gas ambush, telling him that you wanted to talk about the kiss you’d shared. You’d been able to offer your services then and have it not be suspicious, so Doc would leave the room. You weren’t sure you could do that a second time without raising the man’s scraggly eyebrows. Luckily, though, as he searched through what he had available, you realized that you might not need to. “Come on . . .” he groaned. “Make yourself useful and clean it out, would you? My idiot assistants didn’t replace the thread.” A fact you were all too grateful for as Doc left to grab some and you and Leon were finally, mercifully, gifted your first few moments alone. 

Leon wasted no time, just as you knew he wouldn’t. 

“So,” he said, watching as you collected the supplies to clean his wound, “you gonna kiss it better?” 

It was stupid enough to stop your movements, and you just raised your eyes to meet Leon’s, unable to stand the cheeky grin he gave you. 

No, that was a bold-faced lie. You adored that look. 

Smug bastard knew it, too. 

“You been thinking of that one the whole walk over?” you asked, wiping away the grime carefully and then disinfecting the cut. It was bigger than you thought, now that you were getting a good look at it, a rip in the flesh between his thumb and pointer finger. “You know, you’re supposed to avoid the barbed wire.” 

Leon smiled, not even flinching this time around as you poured the disinfectant over the wound. “I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

And Krauser called you the smartass. 

“So you, what, decided to backhand it this time around?” 

“Wire had it coming,” Leon shrugged, but then after a deadpan from you, he shifted to a more serious tone. “I was trying to disarm the charge. I triggered it instead and pulled my hand away too fast.” 

That made you raise another incredulous look his way. The charges you and Krauser had been little more than firecrackers - a placeholder for the real thing. Still, you supposed that having your hand right next to an explosive of any kind when it went off wasn’t a good idea. Still . . .

“Think you were just looking for an excuse to end up in the infirmary.” Your voice was low, just in case the Doc came back. 

Leon just smiled and shrugged. “Believe whatever you want,” he said, blue eyes finding your own. Searching and savoring in a way that sent sparks through you. Was that all it took, now? Just him looking into your eyes, like you were some idiot teenager looking at their crush? 

It would be so easy to close the distance between you. A quick journey that you so desperately wanted to take. 

But as you heard Doc’s returning footsteps, you backed off. Even if the man, you were fairly sure, had helped Krauser pass along classified documents to you, you didn’t want to take a risk like that. 

Now, a risk of another kind . . .

“If I stitch him up for you,” you looked over at Doc as he returned, the older soldier caught by surprise as you spoke, “can I have some of your fancy home-made lunches?” Frame it as you wanting something else. Reed and Hellman teaching you to all to move and act without suspicion could be their downfall, because Doc didn’t seem suspicious whatsoever of your offer. 

Just annoyed. 

“You want payment in my wife’s cooking for stitching up one cut?” he asked, and Leon smiled at you sympathetically. “You want good food, kid, you gotta earn it.” The older man looked between you and Leon’s injury, and then shrugged once more. “Not a bad place to start, though.” 

You could work with that. Not only an opportunity to be with Leon right now, but a chance to maybe get some better food overall? That sounded like a net gain to you. 

So, you sealed Leon’s cut with needle and thread, your hands steady even if the rest of your body felt like it was atrophying slowly. Just as you’d done all those nights before, you worked near silently, doing your best to get this done painlessly . . . but not too quickly. You wanted whatever time you had with him to last, and even stitching up a wound for him was something you’d savor, because it was the first time in nearly two weeks you’d been able to touch him. To do something for him. 

Still, he had to get back to training. He had to focus, because his life was going to be in danger again far sooner than your own.  You couldn’t take away from his time preparing for that-

“So I was thinking,” Leon began, his tone more neutral than you’d heard it in a long time. Almost . . . formal was the wrong word, but nowhere near the playfulness you’d heard from him even a minute ago. He spoke in a measured way, even as you pushed a needle through his skin and tugged on the thread tied to it. You looked up, realizing his eyes were set on the little open lock and lock picking set you’d left on the bedside table. “A lot of us are still struggling with the stuff they’re showing us in Reed and Hellman’s lessons.” A gesture to the very lock that had caught his eye. “Thought we could all work on it together. In our off hours.” 

Not beaming at him took some effort, because you knew he was just coming up with more excuses to spend time with you in a safe way, even if he was serious about wanting to practice new skills. 

“Sounds like a plan.” You didn’t have to think hard to agree, didn’t have to hide the fact that you thought it was a good idea. 

You would just hide why you did. 

And so, that night, you found yourself hosting a company of six, including yourself - even Alejandro had joined in, this time. Just like that day after Krauser pulled you from the prison, you let the radio play softly as you all exchanged phrases in different languages, as you let Alenko correct your pronunciation, or you showed Williams how you’d gotten a particular lock to turn. 

It was all good practice, good knowledge for you and everyone to have . . . but your attention was divided. Torn between the man you wanted so desperately to get lost in, and the folder of reports you’d stashed beneath your mattress. You thought of whether you should tell them all you’d learned. 

You wanted to. The knowledge you’d gained felt like it was trying to claw its way out of you, a beast looking for more of its own kind. You wanted to fill in the gaps of everything you didn’t know. You wanted to have the full picture, because even now, it seemed that there were still things being kept from the others. You wanted to know everything there was to know. Names, locations - everything. 

And yet . . . there were still two reports you refused to read. Two stories.

One known in full, the other known in pieces. 

Those reports weighed on you for a different reason. It wasn’t about understanding an enemy, or why a tragedy beyond measure had happened. Your story and Leon’s weighed on you because, in the back of your mind, you knew that time was running out. Whatever happened to Leon after his graduation was beyond your control. It always had been - that was what you’d warned him of so long ago. 

You would know as much about Leon S. Kennedy as you could before fate took control of you both. 

And he would know as much as he wanted to know about you. 

You would find a way to make sure of that.

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Chapter Index

[some-mari-thoughts]

im ootl, whats up with the manga? i havent been reading

Nice! Probably its best u dont

From ok to bad:

Events have been rearranged to unknown extent to adapt to faster pace.

We start with the christmas memory dream instead of headspace, and we are introduced to everyone that way. The dream is very very short.

We then go to start 3 days left skipping the phobia fight for its unneeded at this point, and see kel, basil and aubrey (no mention of their friend groups)

Sunny freaks out and leaves to white space right upon ending Aubrey fight (after seeing a photo of Mari) and thats where we meet mari properly

That said, Mari. In the dream/memory she is introduced via visual horror, stress rising as soon as she comes into frame and when we see her face it is already kinda terrifying! Her name and sight alone continues to scare sunny into panic for the entirety of chapter. Almost as if he is scared of her rather than anything else

We dont feel any easier as we meet Dream Mari either because she sneakily guilt trips us about taking too long and making her wait

Sunny is treated a bit better but he is freaking out almost the entire time we see him and his reactions seem a bit misplaced. I am also pretty sure he doesn't even get to throw up the steak. He does get several gay tension moments which shippers are extatic about but for me doesnt make it literally any at all better or easier. Just raises my brow higher. Seems like its the only place where manga will have any success. The sunburn lovers are also happy bc in the dreamworld omori gets to help aubrey out instead of kel

Other events have been slightly changed. We start with not seeing any of the hooligans which leaves us with aubrey alone. So she alone is doing a lot more bullying than she originally was doing. Then she also focuses on bullying sunny alone and verbally hitting where it'll hurt, also reminding him that mari is dead here instead of church (which causes him to collapse and then slice her with the knife)

What does not help is the artist consistently fails to make a good line of motion or guide the viewers eye where it needs to go, so 90% of people will first miss that 1 - aubrey doesnt hit basil in the head with her bat, but trips him instead; 2 - she then seemingly misses at kel and aims to hit sunny straight across with the bat; 3 - Easily missable detail that sunny stops freaking out as he handles the knife, either bc of smth abt him or bc of omori (unclear, sunny is the one drawn there), 4 - Sunny looks like he is trying to kill Aubrey; 5 - Unclear who is panicking and thinking "no" as Sunny readies the knife

The manga is not at all beginner friendly and in theory can only be enjoyed by a member of the fandom. Well. It fails at that too bc only very specific ppl will be actually happy abt this retelling. (Shippers. And another subset of ppl who are there for different reasons)

The artstyle is making anyone with good internet background tense and for good reason too (shotacon/CP classic artstyle) People have spoken out about more evidence to the manga's artist drawing messed up things (including for OMORI fandom) not too long ago. Omocat's rep is once again in shambles and i cant and wont defend her til we get a goddamn good explanation

[therealblondebucky]

Chapter 5 of Not The Only One - A Winter Soldier Story

Rating: Teen to Mature

Word Count: 1.9 K

Warnings: Canon-typical violence (with more specifics in the tags)

June 23, 2016

Bucky lifted his head up stiffly and slowly opened his eyes. His metal arm was held tight in a large vice, keeping him trapped in place.

"Hey, Cap!" a voice echoed in the large abandoned warehouse.

A moment later, Steve and another man jogged in.

Bucky groaned slightly. "Steve?"

Steve's face was tense with worry. "Which Bucky am I talking to?"

Bucky blinked. "Your mom's name was Sarah."

"You used to wear newspapers in your shoes," Bucky chuckled at the memory.

Steve gave a small smile. "Can't read that in a museum."

"Just like that, we're supposed to be cool?" the other man questioned incredulously.

"What did I do?" Bucky asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

"Enough," Steve replied frankly.

Bucky moaned. "Oh. God, I knew this would happen. Everything HYDRA put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the goddamn words."

"Who was he?" asked Steve.

"I don't know," Bucky whispered.

"People are dead. The bombing, the setup, the doctor did all that just to get ten minutes with you. I need you to do better than 'I don't know,'" Steve explained gravely.

Bucky hesitated, then slowly said, "He wanted to know about Siberia."

"Where I was kept." His blue eyes moved around as things began to fall into place. "He wanted to know exactly where."

"Why would he need to know that?" Steve inquired.

Bucky clenched his jaw. "Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier."

The shock on Steve's and the other man's faces betrayed the fact that this was new information to them.

"Go on," Steve encouraged gently.

"There was a girl," Bucky said, his eyes clouding over at the memory.

"Who was she?" Steve probed.

Bucky shook his head. "I don't know. Just some experimental subject for the serum. An innocent."

"Why would they need to experiment with it? And why not on someone who was part of their organization?" Steve asked as he freed Bucky's arm from the huge piece of industrial machinery.

"They needed to know if this combination was right. Plus, it had never been given to a female before. HYDRA wouldn't risk testing on one of their own." Bucky continued, "When it worked on her, they gave it to five others as well."

"Who were they?" asked Steve, arms crossed over his chest.

"Their most elite death squad. More kills than anyone in HYDRA history. And that was before the serum."

"They all turn out like you?" the other man asked sarcastically.

"Worse," Bucky replied, raising his eyebrows.

"The doctor, could he control them?" Steve asked.

Bucky looked down. "Enough."

"Said he wanted to see an empire fall," remarked Steve.

"With these guys, he could do it. They speak thirty languages, can hide in plain sight, infiltrate, assassinate, destabilize. They can take a whole country down in one night, and you would never see them coming," Bucky informed them seriously.

"This would have been a lot easier a week ago..." the other man's voice trailed off.

July 24, 2016

Steve helped Bucky up and laid his friend's remaining arm over his shoulders. They limped off, leaving a defeated Tony Stark and a scarred vibranium shield behind them.

"She-she's still alive," Bucky managed to rasp out.

"Who?" asked Steve.

"The girl." Bucky paused. "H-he didn't keep her with the others."

"Where did he keep her?"

Bucky groaned. "A separate room."

"Do you think you could find it?"

Bucky nodded, and they picked their way through the rubble. After several minutes of walking through the ugly green and white hallways, they came to a large metal door.

"This is it," Bucky announced.

Steve unbolted the door and pushed hard. It moved with a metallic moan. Steve turned to Bucky, and their blue eyes met. After exchanging a long look and drawing strength from the other, the two men entered the room together.

Inside was what was left of a lab, and in the far right corner rested a Cryostasis Chamber. It was smaller than the other ones, but the eerie yellow light, soft, steady beeping, and icy whoosh sound indicated that it was functioning.

Through the Chamber's haze, they could make out the form of a girl. She was dressed in the same specialized suits as the others and looked very young. Her right arm was metal with a red star, and her long blonde hair hung down her back. Her eyes were closed, and her expression was obviously pained, even though part of her face was covered with a muzzle.

"What are we going to do?" Bucky's question ended the solemn silence between them.

"We can't wake her up. Not safely. That could end with any one of us dead."

"Steve, we can't leave her here. Not with Tony and Zemo."

"I don't know, Buck. I don't know…"

~~~

Steve and Bucky stumbled through the base's thick metal doors. The Black Panther stood out strikingly against the snow. Upon seeing him, the two super soldiers prepared themselves to fight.

T'Challa put a hand up. "I am not going to hurt you. I know now that I was after the wrong man."

Steve's entire stance relaxed in relief that T'Challa, too, had learned the truth about the bombing. "We could use your help. There is a girl, one of the Winter Soldiers, still inside. We need to wake her up and get her out of here."

T'Challa motioned towards Bucky. "He is in no condition to help with this."

Bucky started to protest, but Steve gently cut him off. "He's right, Buck. It's best if you wait in the Quinjet."

After boarding the craft, Bucky sat down in defeat.

Steve rested his hand on his friend's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry. It's gonna be okay, Buck. We'll get her. She'll be alright. I promise."

Bucky gave a half-hearted smile, which faded away to nothing as Steve disappeared behind the closing Quinjet door.

"Captain, do not worry about Zemo. He will not be going anywhere." T'Challa nodded towards his jet where the Sokovian was bound.

"Thank you, Your Highness."

The two men entered the HYDRA base together and Steve led the way to the abandoned lab.

"She will most likely be hostile," T'Challa commented.

"Waking up after being frozen for the past few decades will do that to you," said Steve dryly.

T'Challa spent the next few minutes clicking away on an ancient computer. Finally, the Chamber's glass moved up with a whoosh, and white icy fog flooded out.

Steve and T'Challa removed the girl from her prison. Even though she held some level of consciousness, she was unresponsive and unable to walk. Steve tenderly picked her up and carried her in his arms, bridal style. Her eyes slipped shut, and her body went slack. She reminded Steve of the last woman he had carried like this. She also was a Russian trained killer, but had red hair instead of blonde.

After returning to the Quinjet, Steve secured her as best he could. Rescuing a HYDRA trained assassin had not exactly been on the agenda for this mission and there were not many supplies on board to provide aid in this unique situation.

"I must deliver Zemo to receive the world's justice for his crimes against the United Nations," T'Challa informed Steve.

"Bucky and I have a few last loose ends to tie up ourselves. Thank you for everything, Your Highness," Steve said gratefully.

"I could be of more help than you realize, Captain," added the king of Wakanda before the two men parted ways.

"I still have a hard time trusting that a machine can fly itself without any help from a human," Steve admitted aloud before putting the Quinjet on autopilot.

Bucky made no sound of acknowledgment, but Steve knew he likely shared the same sentiment.

"Let's get you fixed up, Buck."

When there was no objection made, Steve grabbed a large first aid kit. Brushing the dark strands of hair out of Bucky's face revealed that his hair was stiff with dried blood, and his face was more beaten than Steve had realized. Gently wiping the caked blood off Bucky's face with an antiseptic towelette, Steve began to clean up his lifelong friend.

"You know, I used to be the one fixing you up after you got in fights," Bucky tried to joke.

"Where do you think I learned how to do this so well?" Steve replied with a small grin.

Once Bucky's face was free of any remaining blood, Steve carefully cleaned his long brown hair with a damp cloth.

"Does it hurt?" Steve asked, motioning to what was left of the metal arm.

Bucky stared blankly ahead. "Just as much as if it were skin and bone."

Steve shuddered as the memory of when Bucky lost his flesh arm flashed across his mind.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

Bucky only shook his head.

"Alright. If that changes, let me know," Steve said as he began washing his own wounds.

The combination of physical exhaustion and emotional distress caused Bucky to doze off.

~~~

Aware of someone touching his right shoulder, Bucky woke up sometime later.

"Hey, hey. The Quinjet is cloaked, so no one should bother you. Make sure the girl doesn't do anything crazy. I'm going to go get some supplies. I won't be gone too long," Steve explained, and Bucky nodded.

The stillness of the Quinjet said that it was parked on the ground. While curious as to his current location, Bucky decided that he did not care to know where they were and he would rather remain ignorant as to their final destination for the time being.

Turning to glance at the girl, Bucky caught sight of his metal nub. This was not the first time the arm had been destroyed, but now there was no way to replace it.

"Without it, I'm not as dangerous, and I am less likely to hurt anyone," Bucky told himself.

But the U.N. bombing, the airport fight, the battle at the HYDRA base, the disbandment of the Avengers, and Steve now being a war criminal were all his fault, though.

Hell, the literal physical manifestation of all the wrong he had ever done lay unconscious behind him right now. She was yet another innocent life ruined by the Winter Soldier.

The longer Steve was gone, the deeper into the darkness Bucky let his mind go.

"I'm back! Did you miss me?" Steve teased upon his return.

Bucky replied completely deadpan, "Oh, you were gone? I never noticed."

Steve laughed before pulling out two rectangular red and white checkered paper dishes and handing one to Bucky.

"Sorry, they're a little smooshed," he apologized.

"Hot dogs?"

Steve smiled. "Believe it or not, these were the best ones I could find, and I didn't even blow all of our money on them."

Bucky chuckled faintly, remembering their collective remembrance of that adventure from the '40s before entering the HYDRA base earlier that day.

"There's also two loaves of bread, a dozen apples, and a jar of peanut butter if you get hungry again," Steve informed him proudly as he drew said goods out of his knapsack.

Bucky nodded in approval, and the pair ate their hotdogs in silence.

Afterward, Steve piloted the Quinjet back into the sky and put it on autopilot for the night.

The day had taken far too great a toll. Despite rarely sleeping well and having already had a generous nap, Bucky's eyes slipped shut, and sleep overtook him.