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reignpage · 13 days ago

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What Am I Now?

Synopsis: in which everything falls apart in one night because of a bad argument between you and Toji Warnings: angst, major character death, hurt/no comfort, f!reader, lots of swearing, grief, some description of bodily injury but nothing graphic, there's no light in this tunnel like fr, not proofread Word Count: 5.2k

“I just don’t understand why you’d rather go to the bar than sit here with me?”

Toji scoffs. “All we fucking do is sit here. What’s so bad about me taking a break and getting some air?”

“A break?” Your hands are flying, waving about as if they could get it through his head how ridiculous he sounds. “You want a break from me? So, what, I’m this horrible monster you just can’t wait to get away from?”

This argument has been going on for hours at this point, with neither of you willing to cave. It started with you, in comfy pyjamas and face mask, preparing dinner and super excited to watch a new movie on Netflix with your boyfriend, but when he came out of the shower, he was in jeans and a shirt without stains. You both looked just as incredulous as each other. He said he was going out. That he had told you. And you were sure he hadn’t because if he had, then you wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of making a hearty meal, laying out the snacks and his very own matching pjyamas.

Slowly, like he thinks you can’t understand anything when it’s said at a normal pace, he answers, “I didn’t say that. You’re acting fucking crazy, woman. Look, I’m going out to the bar, with my friends, and that’s that. You can do all the shit you wanted to do on your own.”

He’s walking to the door now, grabbing a jacket on the way. Stomping over to him, you get in the way, blocking his exit with a furious glare. There’s no way this conversation’s ending like this, with him deciding it’s the end, with him getting what he wants and your feelings being trampled all over because he’d rather drink himself to death than cuddle on the sofa with you.

“No.”

“No?”

“Yeah, I said, ‘no.’ You’re not going. We have to talk about this.” Toji opens his mouth, disbelieving and growing more irritated with every syllable you utter, and you know he’s going to ask what the fuck you mean about ‘this,’ so you get the words out before he does, “This. Us. Our night. Our home. Why don’t you want to be with me?”

Rolling his eyes, he bulldozes past you, pushing you to the side. You don’t let him. You’re tugging on his jacket, nails digging into the thick material. He can’t go. What if he never comes back?

The words that have been thrown around tonight are sharp edged swords, though they don’t dig deep, they weave several shallow cuts that sting. No ambulance to rush you away, no hospital to take you, no surgeon to sew you back up. You just bleed out, alive and wobbling away.

Clearly beyond done, Toji grunts, easily shrugging off your pathetic attempts to hold him back. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about and I don’t want to hear it right now. Just get out of the way.”

“No, answer me.”

Pitiful fists smack into his chest in a flurry. He doesn’t budge, doesn’t even flinch. You want to make him hurt. That ache inside your chest, the one that’s holding onto the tears that threaten to stream down your face, that’s driving you insane – you want him to feel it. You want him to care.

Toji doesn’t relent. Instead, he stands there, an immovable statue sculpted by someone else, and pinches his nose. “Just stop.”

“No. Why are you always leaving? Huh? Why can’t you just stay? What’s so fucking wrong with me that you don’t want to have dinner and watch a movie with your girlfriend?”

“Because you’re suffocating me!” He bellows.

You stumble back.

“I can’t fucking breathe. God, I can’t even think without you nagging me. ‘Let’s get dinner,’ ‘let’s go to a museum,’ ‘let’s wear matching shirts.’ It’s never enough for you. For fuck’s sakes, I just want to be able to put my feet up, drink beer and not have to cater to every fucking whim of yours like I’m some goddamn dog.” Combing a hand through his hair, he breathes through his nose. He’s losing steam – you can see it in the way his shoulders fall and he shakes his head, slowly, weary and fatigued. Then, with a quieter, gentler, more desperate tone, he asks, “I see you everyday and you still want more? You ain’t tired of this shit? Of all the fake coupley shit that you think we have to do otherwise we’re frauds? You haven’t had enough? ‘Cause I’m growing pretty fucking sick of all the bullshit.”

Speechless, you just keep as still as you can, feeling mighty small under the weight of his words. You’ve never seen Toji like this. Usually he’s passive, allowing you to ramble on and on about whatever’s filling your mind, even when you’re mad at him, when he’s heard your story a million times before, and even in your worst moment when you bait him into chasing after you. Through it all, your boyfriend took your insecurities and flaws like a champ.

Now he’s done. Now he’s been backed into a corner and there’s nowhere else for him to go except past you.

It’s unclear to you what expression you wear on your face; you can really only focus on that hollow sinkhole widening in your heart. Something about your eyes makes his close tight. Toji breathes once, twice, and says, “We’ll talk later. I’m late.”

And then he leaves.

His jacket is dangling from your clutches and it’s suddenly so heavy. Tears threaten to fall. You don’t let them, even when your bottom lip wobbles and so does your balance. Heaving, you lean against the wall.

How did it all fall apart so quickly?

The day had started off like normal: sweaty, dirty sex, pillowtalk, late breakfast, lazy lounging around the living room, and catching each other up on what’s happening on your phones. Weekdays are more productive, what with you both having jobs to do, but weekends are yours and his to share. Or at least that’s what you thought.

An eerie silence falls upon the apartment. It’s unlike the silences you’re used to, like being the last one to leave the house and you’re eating the breakfast Toji made for you, or waiting for him to come back from throwing the bins out, being the first to come home, sitting in bed doing your own thing as you slowly unwind from the day’s toils.

You can’t stand it – the doing nothing – so you shuffle away from the closed door that’s not going to open anytime soon. There’s a lot to tidy anyway: the plates of food untouched, the unfolded blanket you wanted to be cuddled under, face masks and snacks and dips, and the pile of clothes he probably wasn’t going to wear even if you begged.

Maybe you are too much.

Maybe what Toji was saying had some merit to it.

All those outings he would have never done if you hadn’t pleaded with a huge smile and puppy dog eyes were planned by you. The dinners reserved by you, the anniversaries, the dates, all of it. You. It wasn’t as if he didn’t love you. The fact that he did all of it, albeit begrudgingly, was proof of that. His love showed in his gentle touch, his patience, though limited, and in the fact that, through the ups and downs, he still stayed.

But he won’t forever, not when he feels…suffocated.

With a sigh, you grab your phone, snatch his jacket and decide you’re not going to let him be out there, cold and angry.

So you, too, leave.

“Go home, Fushiguro.”

That isn’t what Toji wants to hear from his friend slash handler, Shiu. Truthfully, he wanted to be validated, wanted the man to tell him you were acting crazy, and that he wasn’t wrong for walking out.

As he stomped into the bustling bar, the suited man took one look at him, shook his head with an exhausted laugh and took a huge gulp of his whiskey, knowing damn well it was going to be a long night. It always is when the scarred man looks ready to kill and for free.

Toji takes a swig of his beer. “You didn’t hear a single shit I said? I said, ‘I'm not in the mood to get into it with her again.’”

“Being a man is about learning to take the beatings life hands you,” Shiu professes mysteriously, tracing the rim of his glass.

“Fuck off.”

Sitting in the corner of the bar, they’re left alone to wallow in their problems – one man chronically alone and the other about to lose it all. They don’t remember how they found each other or why they stayed as friends when they barely like the other, but they suppose it’s really because through all the faces they’ve met, not many have ever stuck around. But they did. And that has to mean something.

The bastard is rarely not right and he knows it. He prattles off great advice with a smug face and one has to fight the urge to lay a good one on his nose. No matter how fucked up shit gets, Shiu could always make things so simple, so clear, and straightforward that he’d feel like a dumb sack of shit.

In fact, that’s pretty damn close to how he feels now.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he admits, “I feel like shit. Like I got hit by a fucking truck. Look at me. I’m sitting here talking about my fucking feelings with your stupid ass. She’s always gotta get into my head about things. Made me a chump. Fucking hate this. Me. I turned into a pussy.”

“I don’t know about you, Fushiguro, but I like the you she created.”

Toji snorts. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“You were a massive asshole,” Shiu begins, using a tone that suggests it should be obvious to the man sitting opposite him. “You were angry all the time, moody and brooding for no reason. Hours could pass and you wouldn’t say a single word. Ha, a college kid bumped into you and you knocked his shit before he could even open his mouth to apologise. Made him piss his damn pants. Got everyone scared of your big ass.”

He couldn’t deny that. Their friends, if you could call them that, often joked that he was a monster. And yeah, well, moving place to place, house to house, couch to couch would make a monster out of anyone. Before, these kinda criticisms would have rolled off his back, maybe even brought a smirk to his scarred lips, but something about the person he is now makes that sudden blast from the past bring a grimace to his face.

Shiu chuckles and, with a clink of his glass to Toji’s, says, “Look at you now – you actually shower and smell less like horse shit these days. Sure, you’re still killing for a living but you don’t do that shit with a smile on your face like a psycho now. Hell, you even tip. You used to steal tips, remember? And then just last month, some pimply-faced kid fell onto our table and spilled our drinks and I, honest to God, thought you’d beat him black and blue –instead, what did you do? Huh? Tell me. What did you do?”

“Fuck you.”

“You fucking picked him back up and told him, ‘Get some water in ya, the girl you came with likes you so don’t embarrass yourself.’” He throws his head back and laughs as if he just heard the funniest joke come out of his own mouth. “And don’t try to argue with me. You know she’s cleaned you up, made an honest man out of you, or as honest as a killer-for-hire can be. You smile more, Fushiguro. Fucking cheesing at your damn phone, leaving the bar early, speeding to get the fuck home before she does just so you can do God know’s what – and don’t say, I’d rather not know.”

The changes he talks about, Toji hadn’t noticed. Of course, he knew life had changed for him. A steady, secure home with a woman that sees him and is happy with what fills her vision, a woman who doesn’t mind hearing grunts as replies, who’s patient and kind, that cleans up the blood off his shirts and does it all with a smile. There's stability in his life now. Something that gets him up in the morning other than hunger and a need to piss. A thing to look forward to, a home to come back to.

"Honestly, I don't know why you'd rather be here with me than her. If I had a woman half as good as her, you'd never see my sorry face. Any more of these nights with you and people will think we're lovers, which is fine by me, just as long as they know I'm on top."

A bead of condensation drips down the neck of his beer bottle. The bar’s too loud, too crowded and it doesn’t smell sweet and floral like home. Everyone’s too drunk to give a shit about what’s happening outside, far too elated with the clumsy grinding and grimy sweating of bodies. Maybe that’s why he likes places like this so much; it’s easy to forget your responsibilities, your past, and all the things that drag you down.

But that’s not you. You’re not a burden, you’re a part of his present, and the only thing that keeps him going.

So why didn’t he act like it?

You looked so damn excited to watch that movie with him and he crushed that spark that makes you you under his boot, for what? For booze? For some time alone with an asshole wearing a tailored suit and tie in a dingy bar?

The words he spewed at you come crashing back like a tidal wave of regret and shame. He told you you were suffocating him. He told a bunch of lies, anything to get you off his back, to make his need for alcohol justified. Like. A. Fucking. Pussy.

Glancing at his phone, he sees missed calls and a voicemail. From you. So does Shiu, who whistles and suggests, “You’re done for, my man.”

“Fuck.” Toji throws his head back. He fucked up. Big time. Running a hand down his face, he says, “I need to go. I need to get home, catch her before she fucking leaves me or some shit. Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

A couple papers get thrown on the table, along with whatever loose change he has in his pockets, and he lunges out of the bar faster than if there was a fire, though not before he sees, in the corner of his eyes, a familiar looking smug tilt of a brow on a suited prick.

He’s driving home now, fingers thrumming on the wheel, a subconscious desperation to manifest the ability to push the car beyond its limits and get to its destination faster. The useless piece of shit isn’t going fast enough; every second he wastes getting home when he should have been there to begin with is a second closer to him losing everything he never deserved to have in the first place.

Images of you crying, hugging yourself and waiting by the door, or sleeping, alone, in an empty bed flash in his mind and without realising it, he’s accelerating even more. The roads are empty this time of night and he thanks the universe; the last thing he needs is to be honked at.

Why couldn’t he just suck it up?

Movie nights are a lot of work – he often has to drive down to the store and get all the snacks your heart desires, squeeze into the cheesy pyjamas you bought him, let you spread some goo on his face, and then sit through some chick flick that he grumbles about at the start but gets really into once ten or twenty minutes has passed. All the dates that required him to get off his ass sent dread settling in his stomach usually turn out more fun than he thought. Because you know him. Because you know his strengths and weaknesses, his sore points and intolerances. And love him because of them.

Having half a mind to listen to the voicemail you sent, Toji thinks about what he wouldn’t want to hear. What he can’t. The argument was bad, yes, he admits. But it’s not bad enough to quit, to end the beautiful thing you’ve grown, to give up. There’s no life after you, without you. It’s just you. You’re his…everything. And when he gets home, he’ll take you into his arms, apologise for all the shit he said and will say, and watch that movie with you. Hell, he’ll watch it a million times.

Toji will do anything to make it up to you.

Maybe he should take you to the sea. That’d be a nice break from the chaos of the city. You two can go fishing, take long walks down the beach like women love to do, and do that thing he watched in a movie, where he carries you into the water, laughing and giggling.

And what about the ring he’s been meaning to buy?

Flashing lights catch his attention. A fuckload of police cars and ambulances off the side of the road. Toji’s brows furrow. “Fuck happened there?”

Palm sweaty, he fishes his phone out. That voicemail he’s been ignoring, pretending it doesn’t exist because if it’s anything other than an ‘I love you, let’s not break up,’ he might just throw his phone out the car. He runs a hand through his hair and presses play, only hesitating twice. A second of static silence reaches his ears before your voice does.

“Hey, Toji…I, um, don’t know if you want to hear from me right now."

Your voice has the corner of his scarred lip twitching. It's the tender and gentle voice he knows, and not the scratchy half-screams he last heard. The latter never suited you. It's just not who you are and deserve to be.

"But uh…I wanted to say sorry…You’re right, I was a lot today, like usual….And I’m sorry. About the movie that you didn’t want to watch, t-the face masks and the food I didn’t even ask if you wanted to eat. God, I’m so fucking sorry, Toji...I was too much, wasn’t I?”

He shakes his head. There’s a creeping sudden tension rising up his spine and he tightens his hold on the wheel, slowing down for show so the uniformed men don’t give him shit, and as soon as the red and blues of the night disappear from his rearview mirror, he revs up.

“I think it’s ‘cause there’s so much I want to do with you, y’know? Like, you’ve lived a whole life before me and it’s a little intimidating….You’ve loved before…and it’s beautiful…but you’re my first and I’m not trying to compete with her or anything, I swear! I just want to make our own memories, y’know? I want experiences too. And when you’re quiet, less active, less…present, I guess it triggers something in me: a need to compensate. Maybe one could even say I’m overcompensating and they wouldn’t be wrong, I guess.”

When he pulls up, his feet carry him out and into the building on autopilot, gravel crunching under his shoes and the weight of the world bearing down on his shoulders. There’s no one else around. The lights of every window are off. It’s too quiet. Toji scratches his chest.

“I don’t know where I’m going with this; you know I ramble when I’m nervous. Maybe I should just go to sleep and wait for you, fight through that feeling I’m getting that says I won’t see you ever again after this. I should sleep everything off…but I couldn’t let our night go like this. You have that mission tomorrow and you’re going to be gone for a couple days so I guess I just wanted to cram some time together…”

The door’s unlocked. He flexes his hand, knuckles turning white with the tight clench of his fist. Somehow, his work schedule had eluded him; it was you who kept up with all that admin shit that Shiu never bothers to remind him about, after all.

“I should have known it’d be too much. I mean, you’re right that we see each other every day – that was hyperbole, of course...I think anyway...but it’s practically true. We see each other a lot…but I don’t know…I guess I just thought it wasn’t enough.

Your voice grows quiet and he has to lift the speaker of his phone to his ear to hear your next words over the sound of his heart pounding.

“To me, I could never see too much of you. I always want to see you. To be with you. And…you don’t feel the same…”

Something painful scrunches in his chest, it almost makes him double over. Under his breath, he mutters, “No, baby. I do. Fuck, I do.”

“And that’s okay. I’m realising now that that’s probably healthy. I think I just love you too much. More than you love me – that’s not a complaint at all, I promise. It’s not a reflection of you but rather of me….God, I’m crazy, aren’t I? I never know when to shut up and wow, even now I’m saying ‘I�� a lot. Okay, so yeah, I have problems and I need to work on them.”

You’re not in the living room. The TV is off. And what was that about him loving you less? That’s bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. You know that. You have to. Right?

Making a mental note to make that the first thing you hear, he continues his search.

“Ma? Where you at?” He checks the kitchen and finds containers of the food you prepared put neatly away. It’s his favourite. His stomach rumbles. “You sleeping, doll?”

The bedroom’s empty too. Fuck.

“I’ll work on it, Toji…so, please, will you give me a chance? To do better. To be better.”

He’s checked every room. Twice. And again. You’re not home. But that can’t be right. You have to be home. You just have to. It’s dark outside and cold and dangerous and he’s not there to hold your hands to make sure they don’t fall off from the frost of summer.

Louder, nearing a scream, he says, “Baby, I’m not messing around. Tell me where you are. You hiding? Is that it? You hiding from me? Fuck, sweetheart, I promise I’m not mad, okay? So just come out here. L-let me see my gorgeous girl, yeah?”

Breathing faster and faster until he has to lean against the wall for balance, Toji scrambles to think. You’re saying so much so fast and he can’t keep up. For every sentence you utter there’s a whole conversation to be had. So many inaccuracies he needs to correct, to set straight. Where the hell did you even get all this shit you’re saying?

Not from him, right?

He didn’t make you feel so small, did he?

The woman that had built him up crumbling all by herself because he’d rather drink himself to death than live a life you made possible for him. Fucking bastard. Ungrateful son of a bitch. Useless fucker.

“Uh this is getting long, sorry. We can talk more about it when I see you. So, yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. I’m driving over to the bar to give you your jacket. You forgot it. Or maybe you left it on purpose. I don’t know. I just don’t want you to be cold. Or maybe it’s just an excuse to see you, hopefully smiling...You don’t smile without a bottle in your hand nowadays but if I had a clingy girlfriend, I’d probably be making out with beer too. I’m kidding. Sorry, that’s not funny…okay, so, um, I love you and I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

Flashing lights,

Cop cars.

Ambulances.

The crowd…gasping and pointing.

And a flipped over car he only now just processed.

The ride over to the crime scene goes by in a blur. Only static and the faint sound of your voice on repeat playing in the background. Every stop light is ignored, pedestrians barely avoided, and the wheels pushed to their very limits. All while he foregoes wearing a seatbelt.

Toji doesn’t breathe. Doesn’t think or slow down or answer the many calls from unknown numbers.

He doesn’t even make a sound.

Not until he arrives, shoves past tiny men with their tiny understanding of who you are and what you mean to him, and finds a body wrapped up in a bag. Rushing of blood fill his ears. People try to hold him back, to get him away, but there must be something in his face or his eyes that warns, ‘don't get in my fucking way’

It’s akin to a wounded yelp of a wild beast or the guttural flames of hell as it opens up and consumes whole poor, unfortunate souls. No one’s ever heard anything like it. Yet, they know. Just from the way he had fallen to his knees, had rushed to yank that zipper down but hesitated to pull the bag open. But the sound…the sound tells a whole story.

Some look away, half paying respect and half all too familiar with the scene. Others can’t. They bear witness to the shaking hands that cradle your cold face, cut up and bleeding, and the one sided conversation.

“No, no, baby, what h-happened? Wake up.” Toji’s patting your cheeks, searching for a flicker of your lashes or the rise of your chest. Even now when he feels the nauseating coldness on a body that had only ever kept him warm he's mindful of the force he's using. He could never hurt you. Not like this. “Come on, this isn’t fucking funny. Open your eyes, baby. Come on. Please.”

Shallow cuts on your face, glass shards still embedded in the skin graze his thumb as he brushes the hair from your hair. They cut him too until the blood staining the skin he’d felt and tasted are both his and yours.

“I need you. I need to talk to you. Fuck, it isn’t fucking fair. You got to say your shit. You need to hear me apologise ‘cause I am fucking sorry. You hear me, you stubborn woman? I’m s-sorry. So wake the fuck up. Please. I can’t do this without you. I just can’t.”

The car’s totalled. Hit a tree. He can hear the police talk on their radio, something about how you were crushed for hours, alive and yelling for help, but was dead when anyone got to the scene. A roaring of injustice wages war in his very soul. His babygirl in pain and alone and dying. Did you call out for his name? Did you think he was going to come even till your last moments?

He doesn't know how long he holds you for, can't even tell if it's raining or if he's just sweaty as hell. Those trembling hands of his, that have killed countless men and got him this far in life, seem so useless now as he wills warmth into your limbs. Your pyjamas are soaked with a metallic liquid; they stain his hands.

A familiar face shows up, suit wrinkled. “Fushiguro. They need the body.”

Firm hands pull at him, tugging him away. He won’t let go. Can’t let you be all by yourself. Look at you. You’re not even wearing a jacket. Silly girl. You’d bring his but not your own?

Do you always have to be so goddamn perfect?

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he says, “Let’s go home, yeah? Let’s go home and watch that movie. That sound good, doll?”

But you don’t answer.

Not his prayers the next day or his pleadings the week after and certainly not your phone every day since.

Toji never touches another bottle again if only because when he does his mind gets so blurry, so fucked out, he can’t envision the exact angles of your smile or how many wrinkles form at the corner of your eyes. Honestly, if he could, he'd never return to that place you two lived in; it's far too big now and everywhere he looks he sees you. But where else would he go? Where else in this fucked world could he go to find you?

He doesn’t eat either – no one’s cooking tastes the same as yours. They lack something he thinks he might never find again. And maybe that’s fine. It was always too good for him anyway.

None of the people that show up to his door are allowed in; they’d just disturb the air you touched. Not his friends or yours, he has no family and yours don’t really want to see him. Good thing too. He can’t deal with the pity or the attempts to relieve him of his responsibility.

‘It’s not your fault,’ they say. ‘It was an accident.’

Shit doesn’t matter. Nothing does. How could anything mean shit to a man who only wants to spend his days in bed, holding your pillow over his face, simultaneously wanting to consume every particle of your scent and suffocate on memories of a life he barely lived?

They say he shouldn't let your death define you but how would that even be possible? You've always defined him. There's only the Toji before you, during you, and without you. He thinks maybe his life will forever be defined by all the things he never should have said and the things he wishes he did. That's the real tragedy.

'You need to move on.'

Bullshit. All those grief counselling pamphlets and self-help books don't know shit. There's no moving on. There's only you.

The worst, perhaps, that he’s heard is, ‘she’d hate to see you like this.’

Because what the fuck do they know about you?

Those assholes see a man locked away, beard growing in, dark circles under his eyes, and an air of death about him. Whereas Toji sees himself as someone who’s keeping your memory alive. Because, contrary to what you believed, you weren’t too much. God, you couldn't ever be too much. With your scent fading, your clothes collecting dust and the divot in your spot on the sofa evening out, he thinks he hasn’t had enough. Could never have enough.

Even the fact that when he closes his eyes he sees you serves as no consolation. It’s not enough. He wasn’t enough. Wasn’t man enough. Didn’t love you enough. Toji needs to touch you, to feel you, to make up for all that he never gave you when he should have. Wherever you are, he wants to be.

His girl all alone? No, he can’t have that. Someone needs to listen to you ramble, to lift heavy things for you and hold you the way you like when you sleep. Who's keeping you company up there? Who's drawing on your palm when you get nervous? Who is telling you you've always been enough?

Someone needs to be there for you.

Staring at a picture of you on his bedside table, he smiles softly.

“I’m coming, baby. Just wait for me, yeah?”

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monicaalexandraaa · 1 month ago

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Ahhhhh I loved this part !!!! I was so interested to see what would happen when he went out with Niall and I love where you took it! The way he immediately goes to her🥺and then she confesses her feelings (which she was so sweet about and so was he)

“Leaving you is never easy it’s-it’s the hardest part of my day actually and that’s just on a regular basis don’t even get me started on how bad it is when I’m leaving for months at a time.” 🥺🥹

“Sometimes when we are out and you’re holding my hand I like to pretend it’s not just because I’m your muffin but because you actually want to because you’re-you’re just mine and I think about what it would be like to have that all the time.”🥺🥹

Of course that puts Harry in a tough position but I totally understood where he was coming from. And then she goes to his place and they both realize what’s really going on but still are afraid to bring it up in fear of them messing things up😩I love some miscommunication that leads to a happy ending😌😌

The talk in the closet was soooo sweet🥹I’m so happy they were able to talk it through and become official. Also, as always, loved the moments they knew little things about the other (I think it was more Harry knowing things about her in this one but overall I’ve really enjoyed that).

AND THE SMUT !!!!!!!!!! HELLO !!!!!!!!!!! I feel like it just got better and better in each part. I’m really blown away that this is your early stages of writing smut. It was really really good! 👏👏

I loved this story so much!!! So sweet and sexy and fun🥰😍thank you for this🩷🩷

Delicate: Pretend

Masterlist: Here

CW: Language, mentions of drinking/being drunk, smut (p in v, fingering), dirty talk, brief moment of anxiousness and insecurity.

A/N: This is the last part of this mini series and I hope y’all enjoy it! This has been a fun little series to get me more comfy with writing smut and y’all have been so sweet!! Don’t worry this isn’t the last time you’ll see these two! 🌟

Word Count: 11.7K

Tag List: @masochistfork @dipmeinhoneyh @sunshinemoonsposts @sweetmoonlove0214 @maudie-duan @umadirectioner @littlemomentsofbeauty @sunflower-tia @tulips4harry @gmikaelson @fangirl509east @howling-wolf97 @outofthisworl-d @namoreno @blckburd @triski73 @prettygurl-2009 @hopefullimaginer123 @somewiseguy @emmie2308 @delanie881dlover13 @frankyrose7 @matildasatellite @run-for-the-hills @mema10 @indierockgirrl @mads3502 @robinsue87 @finelineryy @spinninc @angeldavis777 @swiftmendeshoran

Summary: Drunk confessions change things Harry handles it all wrong🌟

“So yer tellin’ me you don’t-” Niall pauses as his blue eyes glance down to Harry’s phone that’s face up on the small table they are standing at in the middle of the busy pub they’ve only been in for a little over an hour. “Uh your phone is going off.” Niall states as he points to the device currently lighting up and making the table shake with its vibrations. Harry’s brows pinch together as he looks down and sees your contact name flashing on the screen along with a photo of the two of you backstage when you surprised him at one of his first solo shows in New York.

“Oh sorry let me-”

“Does that say Muffin?” Harry sends the Irishman a glare as he picks his phone up, his thumb hovering over the bright green answer button.

“It says mind your own fucking business.” Niall just lets out a loud laugh at Harry’s harsh but still moderately playful tone, he holds his hands up in mock surrender as Harry turns to walk out towards the patio area before hitting the green answer icon and bringing the device to his ear.

“Hey-” his greeting is cut off by a woman’s voice that he faintly recognizes making him quirk a brow as he stands off to the side of the patio that’s only being occupied by a few people enjoying a smoke.

“Harry? This is Cindy we just met a-”

“I remember. What’s going on?” He tries his best not to be snippy and come across as rude but his heart is currently on the verge of beating out of his chest as a sense of worry begins to creep its way towards the front of his mind making every single horrible scenario that could possibly involve you start to play on a loop.

“Uh well we had-or more like she had a few drinks and is upset about something but-”

“But what?” He asks as he pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger as he does his best to wait patiently for Cindy to finish explaining the situation, already knowing you’re a bit tipsy while he’s not around to make sure nothing happens to you causing a pit of anxiety to form in his stomach.

“She wants to go home and uhm- well I don’t know where she lives and she can’t really tell me.�� It takes Harry half a second to head back inside when Cindy drops the news on him that you’re wanting to go home but are currently not in a clear enough state of mind to tell this poor woman where home is.

“I’m on my way.” He doesn’t let her say anything else before he’s ending the call, he does however make a mental note to apologize for his less than friendly tone and bluntness when he sees Cindy later. He lets out a sigh as he begins checking the location setting in your contact information so he can see where you’re at and it doesn’t shock him one bit to see you’re exactly where he left the two of you before he called Niall for a night out.

“Everything alright with the muffin?” Niall asks as he places his near empty pint glass down as Harry approaches the table.

“She’s drunk.” Is all he says as he places his phone on the table and reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. Niall raises an eyebrow when Harry tosses down more than enough cash to cover the three beers they’ve had between them. “I have to go get her and take her home.”

“Ah bestfriend duties huh?” Harry doesn’t miss the slightly suggestive tone of Niall’s voice as he says the word bestfriend.

Like somehow Niall knows all about the filthy things the two of you have done and the mixture of emotions that have begun to rise to the surface as an unforeseen side effect of them. But he doesn’t, he can’t, because Harry didn’t have the time to get enough liquid courage pumping through his veins to tell him before Cindy called and informed him of your current situation. So he just brushes it off as Niall being his obnoxious self and rolls his eyes at him when he shoots a wink his way after Harry grabs his phone.

“Yes now tell Amelia she’s an actual saint for putting up with you and that if she still needs a rebound guy I’m available.”

“Oh fuck off like she’d want to be with you after being with me?”

“I’d show her what being with a proper gentleman is like.”

“Are you having a fucking laugh? In no way are you a proper gentleman H you-you leave people on read for months and then show up out of the blue on their doorstep and-”

“It’s called a depressive episode Niall everyone has them and I showed up at your door because it was supposed to be a surprise you twat.”

“A surprise? Harry I didn’t even think you had my new address! That’s how long it had been since we talked.”

“We share locations of course I have your new address now I’m sorry for calling you and then leaving so soon but she-she needs me and-” Niall just holds up a hand while shaking his head making Harry stop his rant halfway through.

“It’s okay I understand Harry you don’t need to apologize. You should go get her. ” Niall tells him with a smile that makes Harry feel like Niall definitely knows something is going on between the two of you he just doesn’t know to what extent. “Better run as fast as you can though.” He adds with a mischievous grin as he brings his beer up to his lips to take a sip, Harry raises an eyebrow in confusion making Niall chuckle.

“What are you on about?”

“Ya know.” Harry stares at the blue eyed man like he had six heads making Niall let out a frustrated huff. “Because you’re the damn muffin man.”

“That’s the gingerbread man you idiot.” Harry says with a snarl only making Niall lean his head back and laugh while Harry reaches over and snatches the cash from the table. “Pay for your own shitty beer.” He snaps as he shoves the cash into his front pocket before turning to walk towards the front of the pub.

“Is it okay if I tell people I know you?” Niall shouts causing Harry to raise his hand up and shoot Niall the bird on his way out the door making his best mate laugh even louder knowing he was able to get a rise out of him.

“Fucking Horan always with the jokes.” He mumbles once he’s outside and heading towards the restaurant you and Cindy are at.

It only takes Harry ten minutes and one car laying on their horn and tossing a few unsavory words at him when he crosses the street while they were making a right turn until he is standing in the doorway of the very same restaurant he left you at after hearing you tell Cindy not once, but twice how much of just a friend he is to you. He runs a hand through his hair as he prepares himself to see you, not that he doesn’t want to see you it’s just that he hasn’t had an adequate amount of time to deal with these new feelings he’s discovered he has for you to be able to be in the same room with you without potentially making it extremely weird. But it becomes clear to Harry the closer he gets to the booth you are still sitting in that you’re in no condition to notice if he’s being weird or not, his eyes scan the table in front of you that consists of three empty martini glasses and a plate that now just has some sad little crumbs instead of the mountain of fries he watched the waiter bring you over an hour ago.

“Well looks like I missed quite a party.” Harry’s tone is light and playful as he walks up to the table, Cindy looks over at him with a relieved expression on her face while you on the other hand rest your elbow on the table and tuck your chin into your palm before speaking to him.

“Yeah. You did.” You state with a slight edge as you look up at him, your eyes are glossed over and the tip of your nose matches the light shade of pink your cheeks have turned due to the drinks you’ve managed to finish in a short amount of time.

“What’s the occasion?” He asks as Cindy looks back at you and gives you a smile before she starts to slide out of the booth.

“Can’t tell you.” Harry rubs his lips together to hold off the smile as you try your hardest to sound stern and serious but you have a silly little lopsided grin on your face that makes you come across as anything but.

“I’m sorry but I have to go I have a flight home tomorrow and-”

“You’re leaving me too? No-no you can’t go you just got here.” Harry tries not to let the first few words hit him in the gut as he watches you reach out for your friend who gives you a grin and a breathy laugh.

“I know I’m sorry but next time I’m in town I’ll call you and we can meet up for dinner or something.” She offers as she reaches over and grabs your outstretched hands, giving them a nice squeeze before she lets go.

“Okay.” You say with a pout, Harry turns his attention away from you and over towards Cindy who is tossing the strap of her crossover bag over her shoulder.

“Sorry about how I was earlier I didn’t mean to come off as rude I just wasn’t expecting to be dealing with this tonight.” Cindy gives him a small smile as she places her hand on his arm.

“It’s okay I understand.” Harry feels an odd familiarity in the way she says the four simple words to him and the way her smile seems as if she’s almost hiding something. “It was lovely to meet you-have a good night.” She’s off and walking towards the door before he can think too much into it making him turn all his attention back to you, his very tipsy bestfriend that almost two hours ago he realized he was in love with.

“Hi love.” Harry reaches his hand down and places it on your shoulder, the pout still etched on your face as you look at his hand. “Ready to-”

“You just left.” It’s a mixture of your words and your sad almost watery hushed tone that makes him feel the first crack in his heart that’s already confused and working overtime due to the near anxiety attack he’s been fighting off ever since answering the phone not even fifteen minutes ago.

“I thought you’d like to spend some time with-”

“You thought wrong.” Your tone is harsh but soft as you brush his hand off your arm and slide out of the booth, Harry uses the time it takes you to stand up to flip through the events of the evening to see where he misread any of the signals or misheard anything that would’ve given him the idea that you wanted him to stay.

“Just wanna go home.” You mumble as you lean over into the booth to grab your clutch, Harry’s arm instinctively wraps around your waist when he sees you wobble just a bit once you’re standing back upright.

“Okay.” He says softly not wanting to speak any louder than you, afraid it’ll cause your lower lip that’s tucked between your teeth to start wobbling and your eyes to finally allow the tears he can tell you’re trying to will away with blinks and a deep breath start to fall.

To his surprise you let him keep his arm around you the whole walk out of the restaurant and even allow him to slide his hand to your lower back to maneuver you away from the side of the sidewalk that’s closest to the oncoming traffic. He doesn’t dare to look over at you the whole walk back to your apartment, he can feel the change in the air that’s circulating around the two of you and he isn’t ready to deal with it just yet. So instead he just uses his key and opens your front door, holding it open for you before he slowly follows behind so he can use the few minutes it takes to close and lock it to try and gather his thoughts before having to walk into your living room where he knows you’ll be sitting on the armrest of your couch trying to clumsily take your shoes off.

“Is it easy for you?” Your question catches him off guard as he takes a few steps into your kitchen where he sees you leaning against your island, your shoes are still on and your clutch looks as if you just tossed it onto the counter next to you. Harry can’t help but raise an eyebrow as he creates some space between the two of you by heading into your living room that is open to the kitchen.

“Is what easy?” He asks as he turns so he’s facing you but leaning against the back of your couch. He’s glad he’s gripping on the back of it for support as he finally looks you in your eyes, they look almost twice as big with all the tears he can see brimming the edge of your waterline that he knows will be streaming down your face within the next few blinks.

“Leaving me.” Harry feels as if all the air got knocked out of him as he hears the way you’re trying to hold back your emotions, but he watches them betray you as your bottom lip starts to tremble and the first tear rolls down your cheek. “You do it a lot and-and sometimes you make it look so easy that I just want to know if-”

“I make it look easy?” He asks dumbfounded making you just shrug as you wipe at your face trying to get rid of any evidence that your emotions might be winning at the moment. “Leaving you is never easy it’s-it’s the hardest part of my day actually and that’s just on a regular basis don’t even get me started on how bad it is when I’m leaving for months at a time.” He answers as he pushes off the couch and takes a few steps towards where you’re standing in your kitchen.

“Then why do you do it?” Harry feels another crack begin to form in his heart when your voice breaks and you look away from him and down towards your shoes that he knows you’re going to need help unbuckling in your tipsy and emotional state.

“You always leave like-like you left me for a whole week and then you stay the night and-and we do things and then you leave in the morning or after lunch and tonight you-you just got up and left me without even really saying anything just have fun and-and then you were gone.” Harry’s hands are on your face by the time you’re done letting all your thoughts tumble out of your mouth in a slightly slurred, jumbled mess.

“I’m sorry love I’m so sorry.” His thumbs brush some tears away as they gently wipe under your eyes. “I didn’t know you wanted me to stay.” He answers truthfully because you’re very good at telling him and pretty much anyone else what you want so hearing how upset you are with how things have been going recently makes him want to pull you into his chest and hold you until you fall asleep or forgive him, whichever comes first.

“You never asked.” You tell him with a sniffle that makes the corners of his mouth droop downwards. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Harry leans in and places a kiss to your forehead as you let out a shaky breath and close your eyes making a few tears roll down your already soaked cheeks.

“I didn’t mean to fall for you but-but I did and now I feel like I’m going insane every time you leave because I miss you so much and god you think there’s something going on with me and Zayn but-but we only kissed one time on a drunk dare years ago and-and I’m-I’m sorry for making you do this all because I got fired.” Harry takes a half step backwards so he can get a good look at you after you let out a sigh as if you feel a sense of relief having gotten all that off your chest. Your eyes open and immediately find his, your hands come up to wrap around his wrists as his hands stay holding the sides of your face.

“You don’t have to say sorry you didn’t force me into this I wanted to do it I-I like taking care of you.” He sees a ghost of a smile tugging at your lips as you give his wrists a small squeeze.

“To have what all the time love?”

“You being mine and not just-”

“Just Harry?”

“Exactly.” You say with a deep sigh as you use your hands around his wrists to gently pull them away from your face. “But it’s stupid because look at me-I have my shoes on still and-and no job I’m-I’m a total mess.” You grumble as you point to your feet with a huff as you step around Harry and only slightly stumble your way to your couch so you can lean against the armrest and try to lean down and unbuckle the strap of your sandals. It’s this little action that makes him very much aware how gone you are, and how you probably won’t remember much of this conversation tomorrow.

“You’ve always been a mess.” Harry lightly teases as he walks over and kneels down so he can undo the straps of your shoes for you earning him a watery laugh from you.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this-even though it’s your fault be-cause you left.” You whisper as you run a hand through his hair, giggling to yourself when you accidentally cause some pieces to fall into his face.

“I’m sorry I’m the reason you got like this.” He responds trying to cover how upset he is with himself giving you a smile that your martini fogged mind won’t notice isn’t genuine.

“If you forgive me I’ll forgive you.” Harry looks down at your outstretched hand with a chuckle, you smile when he places his and in yours. “Thanks for taking me home.” You tell him as you drop his hand and wrap your arms around him for a hug that he instantly reciprocates by wrapping his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“I’ll get you some water and aspirin to keep your head from throbbing too bad in the morning.”

“Will you be here?” You tilt your head so you can look at him. “In the morning?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Yes.” Harry just gives you a smile as he leans down and kisses the top of your head.

“Okay then I’ll be here.”

It doesn’t take him long to wrangle you into the comfort of your soft sheets, the only obstacle for him having to wrestle you a bit so he could take your dress off and slip one of his t shirts over your head as you whined about being too tired to care what you slept in. But Harry knows you, he knows you’ll get all huffy and puffy in the middle of the night having to deal with the way the dress feels too tight while trying to sleep and he’ll wake up next to your naked body in the morning and that’s something he really doesn’t think he has the mental bandwidth to deal with right now. So once he finally gets you to drink some water and take your aspirin he is tucking you into bed, a soft kiss to your forehead that has your eyes closing and a soft sigh leaving your lips.

“Goodnight love.” He whispers to which you just mumble something incoherent before rolling over onto your side. He runs a hand over his face as he closes your bedroom door and walks into the living room.

“Fuck.” He mumbles to himself as he takes a seat on the edge of your couch, not being able to shake the uneasy feeling he gets at the thought of going in there and sleeping in the same bed he had you moaning and crying out his name in just this morning. Because now he knows things haven’t just changed for him but for you as well, the only difference is that you won’t remember talking about it while Harry is left carrying this new information around like an extra weight strapped to his heart.

So he gives himself some time to sit and process everything for a while before he eventually kicks off his jeans and slides into bed with you silently clinging to the idea that maybe, just maybe tomorrow morning the martinis won’t have washed away your memories of the previous evening and you’ll remember the confessions you said between little sniffles while tears rolled down your cheeks. But as he gets comfortable and you let out a tiny whimper before your hands find him in the dark to pull him closer to your side of the bed, Harry begins to understand he’s not that lucky and you most likely have already forgotten everything you said to him.

Harry swears there’s a whole layer of hell dedicated to the exact form of torture he’s enduring right now as you snuggle into his side and nuzzle your nose into the crook of his neck while your hand that was resting on his chest just a few moments ago begins to slowly slide down to a very obvious destination. He’s never denied you before, not even a few weeks ago when he was half asleep on the couch and all you wanted was to have his cock in your mouth or when you were a few drinks in and were a needy mess for him after joining him at a gallery opening just begging for him to put his mouth on you, he always gives in and ends up giving you whatever you want.

And for a moment he thinks maybe he should just let you have your way, since that is his role in a very specific part of your life, to take care of you in anyway you need him to but the larger part of him, your bestfriend quickly shoves that line of thinking out the window the moment he feels your hand dip under the waistband of his boxers. Because knowing what he knows makes him feel a pang of guilt at the idea of allowing himself to feel the pleasure of your touch, even if at this very moment nothing would make him happier than to let you use him to find your own pleasure. He can’t risk this coming back and biting him in the ass because with the way his luck seems to be running out he knows it’s bound to happen eventually and he refuses to let his friendship with you be in jeopardy just because he couldn’t practice a bit of self control.

“Good morning love.” His voice is thick as he cracks his eyes open and gently wraps his large hand around your delicate wrist before your soft fingers can grab a hold of his hardening length. “How you feeling?” He asks as he drags your hand back up his chest placing it over his heart, placing his overtop and running his thumb over your knuckles.

“I feel okay.” You mumble against the sensitive skin of his neck, your lips brushing against the spot below his ear has a shiver running down his spine and straight to his cock making him close his eyes. “Just a little headache but-”

“I’ll make some coffee.” He’s sliding out of bed before you can even blink and register what’s happening. “Caffeine helps with headaches.” He adds without so much as glancing over at you to see your confused face as you sit up and watch him all but run out your bedroom door.

“Harry.” Your voice is a little rough due to the tears you shed the night before as it calls out for him from the bedroom just as he is pouring water into your coffee pot. He lets out a sigh as he runs both hands through his hair giving it a firm tug at the roots to try to help him ground himself and remind himself that his friendship with you in the end is worth more than getting laid.

“Yes love?” He asks with a warm smile as he leans against the doorway of your bedroom. You raise an eyebrow as you place your hands in your lap and tilt your head to the side as if you’re trying to decide if something is off with him or not and Harry hopes your slightly blurry vision from sleeping in your mascara will help conceal his fidgeting hands and the way his smile doesn’t quite match the gentle tone of his voice.

“How-what happened last night?” There it is, the question he knew was coming and the justification he needed to feel a little better about his abrupt departure from the comfort of your bed.

“You had a few drinks with Cindy and-”

“Oh god the martinis.”

“They get you every time I don’t know why you still order them.”

“Because they taste good and I like the cute little olives on a stick.” Harry lets out a chuckle and shakes his head at your reasoning for still preferring a martini when you go out for drinks. “Did she take me home or-”

“I brought you home.” He answers making you slowly nod your head as your eyes dart around the room as if you’re looking for clues to help you piece together what took place last night.

“On a scale of one to ten how embarrassing was I? Did I try to sing Madonna on the patio again?” You ask with a hint of almost fear in your voice that makes Harry give you a reassuring smile as he shake his head no.

“You were fine just a bit emotional that’s all-no Madonna or Cher on the patio.”

“I do enjoy a good cry when I’m drunk that’s for sure.”

“I’m going to go finish making some coffee.” He tells you as you fall back onto your soft sheets with a dramatic huff.

“Harry?” He pauses mid-step and turns to look at you over his shoulder with a quirked brow as you lift your head up so he can see you properly. “Thank you.” Your voice sounding so genuine is what makes Harry have to turn and walk back into the kitchen after muttering a soft barely audible you’re welcome, feeling the guilt of not telling you everything that happened last night begin to settle in the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck fuck fuck.” He mumbles quietly to himself as he stands in front of your coffee maker, gripping the edge of your counter as it finally starts to percolate and the dark brown liquid begins to gather in the pot.

“This is fine. It’s going to be fine.” He repeats the phrase it over and over again in a hushed whisper as he closes his eyes and readies himself to spend a good chunk of the day with you, all while trying to not give into your advances or spill the beans on everything you told him last night, two things that at the moment he doesn’t really know if he’s actually capable of doing but he is going to try his best.

Harry wouldn’t say he’s avoiding you, he would say he’s simply busy or has made himself busier than normal by accepting last minute meetings and being more hands on with a few projects for an upcoming launch and if that just so happens to help him not be stuck in awkward situations with you then that is just a happy coincidence. He’s managed to keep himself busy for the last three days since the morning after you drunkenly told him how you feel about him and if he’s being honest with himself he misses you, it’s not like he’s ghosted you or anything he still texts and sends random voice notes throughout the day he just hasn’t been in the same room as you, hasn’t smelt your perfume or felt your hand brush his skin when you push his hair up and out of his face and well, he misses it. But as his luck would have it, three days is about all the time he’s going to get before being in the same room as you again because as he steps out of the kitchen and into his living room with a fresh mug of tea in his hand he hears a very familiar sound of his front door being unlocked.

“Why does he keep it so cold in here?” His brain actually stops working for a moment as your soft voice floats from the entryway by his front door and into the dimly lit living room. He looks around frantically as he places his mug on the coffee table, trying to find a place to hide as if you’re some crazed person who just broke into his house and he’s not trying to be the first kill of a horror movie.

“Fuck.” He groans as he stubs his toe on the edge of the bookshelves that line the wall behind his couch, it’s in that moment that he realizes how dumb this is because the moment you see the mug on the table you’re going to know he’s home and it’s not like he gives everyone keys to his house or his gate code but before he can try to move and greet you he hears your footsteps getting closer.

“Why is it so-oh my god!” Your hand flies up to your chest over your heart as soon as you walk into the living room and see Harry in the middle of ducking behind his couch, hands gripping the back of it with his eyes wide as if he was expecting someone else besides you.

“Harry what the hell are you doing? You scared the shit out of me.” He slowly stands up and brushes his hands down the front of his t shirt as if he’s trying to get rid of invisible dust.

“I was uhm-uh-uh I live here.” He fumbles with his words making the sentence come out more like a question rather than a statement.

“I’m aware of that I meant what are you doing behind the couch?”

“Oh I dropped some-wait why are you here?” He quirks a brow as you adjust your bag on your shoulder, his eyes do a quick once over of your outfit and his eyes soften when he recognizes it as the one he helped you pick. “Your interview was today?” The small nod you give him tells him it didn’t go well and he feels his heart drop when you sniffle and look away from him and up towards his ceiling.

“I’m apparently overqualified so-”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means they didn’t want to pay me what I’m worth but also didn’t feel comfortable paying me the amount they are willing to offer.”

“That’s stupid.” He states harshly making you let out a watery chuckle and give him a shrug as you look at the ground. Harry puts his hands in his pockets and rubs his lips together as he tries to think of something to say to make you feel better when all he wants to do is pull you into his arm and kiss the frown off your face.

“I uhm wanted to use your fancy shower with all the-the jet things that massage your back.” You tell him shyly as if you haven’t ever come over with or without him being home to use his fancy contraptions like his shower, jacuzzi tub or steam sauna. “I forgot to check your location to see if you were home. I’m sorry.” Harry just lets out a laugh as he walks over to his coffee table to grab his tea.

“You don’t have to apologize love it’s fine go ahead I was about to go read for a bit but I can do that in the study if you’d like some-”

“You can read wherever you want Harry it’s your house.” You inform him with a playful hilt to your voice making him just lift one shoulder in a shrug.

“I know I just didn’t want to bother you that’s all.” You tilt your head as you adjust your bag that he knows has an extra set of more comfortable clothes in it as well as a pair of cozy socks so your feet don’t get cold on his hardwood floor, something you always complain about every time you stay over and the main reason he has a whole drawer dedicated to fuzzy socks just for you.

“You never bother me Harry.” Your voice is reassuring and makes him smile and feel his cheeks get warm as you take as few steps towards the hallway his bedroom is at the end of. “Do you still have that towel warmer you can’t figure out how to use?”

“Yes.” He answers with a chuckle making you smile as you head off down the hallway.

“Perfect.” Is all he hears you say before you’re out of his sight. He runs a hand through his hair as he takes a moment to let his current situation hit him, you’re in his house about to go use his bathroom because you want a relaxing shower after a job interview that ended poorly.

“This is fine.” He mumbles as he brings his tea up to his lips hoping the warm liquid will help calm him down a bit as he turns and slowly makes his way down the hallway to his bedroom. When he walks into the room he smiles when he sees your bag on the end of his bed that you tend to sleep on, a sight he hasn’t seen in a few days that he’s missed and oddly enough it has him wondering if he’s gone about this whole thing totally wrong.

“We both have feelings for each other so what’s the real harm in enjoying each other’s company?” He thinks to himself as he places his tea on his nightstand. He turns towards the door that leads into his bathroom when hears you humming to yourself as you set up your things, and when you emerge in nothing but a fluffy robe he finds it hard not to take notice of how adorable you look wrapped up in the soft fabric of the light pink robe that lets him see a decent amount of your legs since it stops around the middle of your thigh.

“Damn she looks good.” His mind takes a dangerous turn as he blatantly stares at you, but he can tell by the faint smile on your lips that you don’t mind, not really.

“Stop staring at me you weirdo.”

“I’ll stop staring when you stop being pretty but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.”

“Oh god Harry that was bad.” You tease as you dig through your bag for something, Harry takes this time to walk around the bed so he’s standing next to you.

“That was good and you know it.” He argues as his hands grip your waist to turn you so you’re facing him, you roll your eyes and let out a huff making Harry laugh at your little dramatics. “Come on love just admit it-it was good.”

“I’ll do no such thing because it was horrible.”

“That just means I’ll have to try harder then.” You bite your lip to hide your smile as a blush creeps its way across your cheeks. “What is it you’re digging around for in that black hole you call a bag?” He asks as his hands slide down to your hips.

“My socks. I can’t find-”

“I have some.” He says with a smile as you raise an eyebrow at him. “And yes they are fuzzy and soft just like you like.”

“What would I do without you?” Your tone is playful but Harry swears he hears just the faintest edge to it letting him know you’re actually being genuine.

“Well hopefully you’ll never have to find out but I’m sure it would involve you walking around with cold feet.” His voice is smooth and gentle as he brings a hand up to cup the side of your face.

“I’ve missed you.” You whisper as his thumb runs across your cheekbone, your hands are on his chest feeling the softness of his t shirt. When you look up and lock eyes with him you watch the usual light jade green turn into a dark emerald shade as he licks his lips.

“I’ve missed you too.” His voice is low as he leans in and presses his lips against yours in a kiss that has your eyes closing and your arms wrapping around his neck.

The kiss starts off slow but as Harry feels you pull him closer to deepen it, the kiss turns hungry. You swipe your tongue over his bottom lip before slipping it into his mouth as his hand slides from the side of your face into your hair. He manages to maneuver the two of you so the back of your knees hit the edge of his bed without breaking the kiss. His lips move against yours as he gently lowers you to the bed, standing between your legs as your back hits the soft comforter.

“You okay?” He asks as he pulls away, his hands on either side of your head as he hovers over you.

“Yes.” You say with a nod making Harry smile as he leans down and places a kiss to your forehead then your cheeks and the tip of your nose making you giggle as his lips find their way to your jaw. “You know I did come over to take advantage of your shower.” You remind Harry as he kisses his way down your jaw to the side of your neck.

“Mind some company?” He asks between little nips to the side of your neck, he smiles against your sensitive skin when he hears you let out a small gasp when he nips at the spot just below your ear.

“Not at all.” You answer with a sigh as Harry’s lips travel down your neck, moving your robe just enough so he can place kisses to your collar bone while your hands slide down his chest and dip under the hem of his t shirt feeling the way his muscles tense under your touch.

“Let me go get it started then. Know how all the knobs confuse you.” He teases making you run your finger up his side slowly a place you know he’s always been ticklish, causing him to flinch away as a deep chuckle bubbles up from his chest.

“Don’t be rude Harry.”

“Sorry love.” He gives you a sly smile when he lifts his head, his eyes catch yours before he places a quick kiss to your lips. “How hot do you want it? Burn your flesh or a normal temperate most humans can tolerate?” He asks as he stands up, his hands on the tops of your thighs as you sit up onto your elbows.

“Most humans can tolerate how hot I like to shower you just-”

“Baby your version of a hot shower is equivalent to what I’m guessing the inside of a volcano feels like.” He watches your face as the petname falls from his lips, he sees the smile that takes over and the way your cheeks turn the tiniest bit pink.

“You don’t have to join me if you can’t handle it.” Your tone is nothing but teasing making Harry give you a knowing look before he’s leaning in and attaching his lips to yours in a kiss that leaves you wanting nothing more than to pull him down onto the mattress with you and say to hell with the shower when he pulls away.

“Oh I can handle it don’t you worry.” And with that he’s giving your thighs a little squeeze before turning and heading into the bathroom.

Harry stares at you in awe as he watches the warm water cascade down your body, steam filling the shower and surrounding the two of you in an intimate kind of warmth. His are eyes filled with lust and deep affection as you run your hands through your damp hair after rinsing out your fruity smelling conditioner, you tilt your head and glance at him over your shoulder. It’s when he watches you bite your bottom lip that he decides he’s done being polite and keeping his hands to himself while you enjoy his shower. It takes him three steps until he’s on you, hands softly tracing your curves, savoring every soft inch of you as if he’s trying to memorize every dip and delicate curve just incase it’s the last time he’ll get to experience it.

His hands gently grip your hips and turn you so your back is pressed against the tile wall of his shower as he captures your lips in a heated kiss, your arms wrap around his neck as he slides his tongue against yours deepening the kiss. You pull him closer when you feel a hand slip between your thighs, he swallows down your moan when the tip of his index finger runs up and down your slick folds, teasing you.

“Need to feel you.” He mumbles against your lips when he pulls away from the kiss just to let you catch your breath, your head rests against the wall as he pushes his finger into your wet center pumping in and out a few times before adding his middle finger earning him a moan as you grind down onto his hand.

“Oh god.” Your voice is soft and breathy as he pumps his fingers into your wetness at an agonizingly slow pace that has your hands gripping the tops of Harry’s shoulders. “H-Harry I need more please.” He leans in and places kisses to the side of your neck as his thumb begins rubbing light circles over your clit.

“You’ll get what you need I just want to take my time with you.” He says as he kisses down your neck to the top of your shoulder. “Haven’t gotten to fuck this sweet pussy in days baby I wanna feel you make a mess on my fingers before I stuff you full of my cock.” He tells you as his fingers curl inside of you, pumping into you at a quicker but still slow and deliberate pace that has you feeling pressure slowly build in your lower tummy.

“Missed your fingers so-oh yes yes right there.” Harry smirks against your wet soft skin as he adds a third finger, he feels you begin to clench around him as he makes his thrusts more determined and adds more pressure to your clit.

“Yeah? Missed my fingers being deep inside you? Oh that’s the spot isn’t it baby? God you feel so good-can feel your tight little pussy squeezing them.” He lets out a groan as you arch your back and grind down onto his hand as your eyes snap shut. “Let go for me baby-I’ve got you.” He whispers in your ear as he pumps his fingers into you at a pace that has you letting out a soft cry of his name as a wave of pleasure washes over you.

“Harry-oh oh god.” His skilled fingers pump into you at a steady pace as he feels your release drip onto his hand down to his wrist, trying to drag out your pleasure as long as he can making your chest rise and fall rapidly as you try to catch your breath. He kisses your forehead when you let out a tiny whine as he slides his fingers out of your soaked cunt.

“God you’re so pretty when you come undone for me.” He tells you voice thick with need before his lips are on yours in a passionate kiss that has your hands tangling into his damp hair trying to pull him closer as his hand slides to the back of your thigh lifting your leg up, his tongue licks into your mouth as he nudges the tip of his painfully hard cock at your entrance. He pulls away from your kiss swollen lips and watches your face as he slowly pushes his tip into your warm wet center, he feels you give his hair a tug when he pulls out just to teasingly push back in.

“You’re being mean.” You whine as he pushes into you so half his cock is snug inside your tight hole just to slide back out slowly so just the tip is inside you. His hand gives your thigh a squeeze as his lips find that spot below your ear that makes you let out a breathy moan.

“M’not being mean baby I’m just giving you what you want.” His sweet and soft voice is wrapped in a teasing tone as he whispers in your ear, he slowly sinks his thick cock inside you letting you feel every inch of him till you’re gripping onto his arms at how overwhelming it is to feel him fill you up like this. He stills for a moment letting you adjust to him and wanting to savor the feeling of you being wrapped tightly around him. “I missed how good it feels to stuff my thick cock inside your tight pussy it’s always so snug and-god it feels amazing.” He says with a moan, his mouth nipping at your jaw lightly.

“So good-feels so good.” You moan as he begins to move his hips making sure you feel how deep he is with each slow deliberate thrust.

“You like being full of me don’t you baby? Like it when I hit that spot-right there.” He watches with lust filled eyes as he gives you a deep thrust making the tip of his cock hit the spot inside you that has your eyes closing and his name falling out of your mouth. “That’s it just let me take care of you-so pretty baby.” His lips find yours as your hands grab at his back pulling him closer, his tongue swipes across your bottom lip before he slides it past your lips deepening the kiss as he increases the pace of his thrusts just enough to have you moaning into his mouth.

“Your pretty cunt is takin me so well-doing so good for me.” He says with a moan when he pulls away from your lips, his hand glides down between your wet bodies until his thumb finds your clit. “Talk to me sweetheart tell me how you feel.” He demands gently, needing to hear your voice telling him how good he’s making you feel.

“Oh god it feels so good Harry-so big oh shit and-deep I love it.” He lets out a deep groan when he feels you clench around him, he leans back just enough so he can look down and watch his thick shaft disappear into your cunt as he pulls out to just the tip and then slowly pushes back in making you claw at his back. “Faster Harry please-oh god.” You beg as he takes his time fucking you nice and slow with deep thrusts of his hips that has you needing more as your hips jerk up to meet his pace.

“Greedy little thing.” He teases as he increases his pace just slightly. “Wanted to take my time fucking this perfect little pussy- be gentle and sweet to you but you just always need it a bit rough and hard don’t you baby?” You just let out a cry of his name as he gives you a particularly harsh thrust and his thumb presses tight circles on your clit. “Always begging for more even when I’m stuffing you with my big cock that you love so much-god you feel so fucking good wrapped around me I swear it’s like heaven being buried inside your tight little cunt.” His words have you pulsing around him as his thrusts turn quicker and more determined as he grabs your legs and hikes it over his hip letting his cock reach even deeper with the new angle.

“Oh fuck Harry-don’t stop oh god please don’t stop.” You pant as he leans his head into the crook of your neck and nips at the sensitive skin below your ear.

“Not gonna stop baby just let go for me-let me see that pretty face you make when you’re coming all over my cock-need to feel you make a mess all over me.” He licks and sucks his way down your neck only lifting his head when he feels you clenching around his thick length and a string of incoherent words mixed with his name rumble out of your mouth as you reach your blissful release.

“Want you to come Harry-fill me up please Harry- please.” He groans as he pumps his cock in and out of your tight hole as you ride out the waves of pleasure from your intense orgasm.

“Fuck baby-always so polite when you’re begging for my come to be pumped deep inside your pussy.” Your nails dig into his shoulders as his thrusts turn harder and more precise, he feels his muscles in his stomach tighten and with a choked moan he’s spilling into you, coating your wet walls with his warm load. “Filling you up just the way you like-gonna have me dripping out of your tight little hole all night.” He pants as he slowly fucks himself through his release making you a withering mess in his hold as he moves his thumb from your clit so he can grab ahold of your hip helping you stay upright against the wall.

Your hands cup his face when he places a soft kiss to your lips, his hand sliding down your thigh as he gives you one last thrust before slowly pulling out. His mouth moves against yours as you deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue past his lips while his hand gives your hip a soft squeeze before sliding down between your legs. Harry kisses you through the shiver that runs through your body when his index and middle finger tease your soaked entrance before slowly slipping inside of you, he feels you tremble in his hold as his tongue slides against yours while he pumps his fingers into you slowly.

You lean your head back against the tile as Harry’s lips travel down your jaw to your neck, your chest rising and falling rapidly as his fingers work his come back into you with each slow pump. Your hands fall to his shoulders as you try to catch your breath.

“You okay sweetheart?” He asks as he slides his fingers out of you and lowers your leg so your foot is back on the floor of the shower. “Did so good you always do so good for me.” His sweet words have a lazy smile working its way onto your face as he moves his lips lower down your chest, he moves to his knees as his hands gently work your legs apart. “Just need a little taste baby.” He mumbles against the warm skin of your inner thigh before the flat of his tongue is licking up the front of your soaked center.

“Harry.” Your voice is strained as you grip his shoulders to help keep you balanced as his tongue slides through your wet folds making him moan against you as the taste of his arousal mixed with yours hits his tongue.

“Sorry baby-just needed a taste it’s okay I’ve got you.” He says softly as he rises back to his feet, his hands cup your face as he looks into your eyes. “You’re so beautiful.” He smiles when your cheeks get a deep flush to them. “And amazing.” He says before kissing your cheek. “And wonderful.” His lips move over to your other cheek. “And perfect.” He finishes with a kiss to your forehead making you let out a soft giggle as your arms wrap around his neck.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me I’m just stating facts.” You smile and lean into his touch as he stares at you with a look that makes the whole moment feel extremely intimate. “You know there’s no rush on finding a job right? I’m happy to take care of you for as long as you want and those guys are absolute idiots for not hiring you.”

“I know.” You answer with a smile as his thumbs gently run up and down your cheek bones.

“Good.” He leans in and kisses the tip of your nose because he turns to look at the water falling from the shower head in the ceiling just a little ways away from them. “Now since we are already in the shower I hope this means you won’t be a pouty little mess while I clean you up.”

“As long as I don’t have to move from this spot I’m fine.”

“Of course Princess just stand right there and I’ll take care of the rest.” He shoots you a playful wink as he steps away from you so he can grab a washcloth. “As usual.” He adds with a smirk making you roll your eyes but your smile never leaves your face because it never gets old how Harry can go from being so filthy with you to being so sweet and silly, it’s something that shows how well he knows you and how he is always able to be exactly what you need him to be. As you watch him take his time as he gently runs the cloth over your skin his eyes glance up to meet yours and the look he gives you makes your heart race because it’s one you’ve never seen before, it makes you wonder if in this moment the two of you are beginning to cross that invisible line between bestfriends and something else, but then he blinks a few times and looks away making your heart sink low into your chest.

Harry officially can say he is avoiding you, it’s been a handful of days since you spent the night at his house after your job interview. He knows something shifted during his shower with you, it makes his insides all twisted up because he begins to think about how it’s the feelings you haven’t shared with him at least while sober and his own feelings for you that turned what he intended to just be a regular interaction with you into something more passionate and meaningful. But he’s worried, scared that maybe the shift he felt was just one sided and instead of risking talking about it and potentially losing you he does something so incredibly unlike himself, he starts to ignore you. He stops answering your texts or calls and he knows it’s wrong, he knows he is being the worst version of himself but he just can’t bring himself to talk to you because he knows everything he’s been feeling lately will come spewing out and he’s just not ready to talk about it, at least not yet.

He looks down at his phone to see the time as he stands off to the side of the bar at a crowded party he rsvp’d to months ago, having also checked the box for a plus one figuring that you’d accompany him but seeing as he hasn’t been the best friend let alone sugar daddy to you recently he didn’t bother reaching out to check if you still wanted to come. He lets out a sigh when he sees the party hasn’t even been going on for an hour, meaning he still needs to stay and make it look like he cared enough to at least the hour and a half mark. As he slides his phone into the pocket of his black dress pants he hears a very familiar voice that has his breath hitching and his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage.

“I told you they’d let you in.” He can tell you’re smiling just by the way your voice sounds and it has Harry lifting his head and craning his neck to try to find you and when he does he feels his heart drop because you’re not alone.

“Well of course they let me in it doesn’t change the fact I still wasn’t invited.” Zayn says with a huff as Harry watches your hand slip into his so you can lead him through the crowd. “What’s this party even for anyway? Bit posh for-”

“I think it’s to save some sort of animal or something to do with animals.” You explain as you stop at the bar, the same bar that Harry is currently standing next to. His eyes land on Zayn, hating how good he looks in his well fitted suit and hair styled perfectly with that one strand falling down over his forehead, he must be able to feel Harry’s presence as he looks over to his left and catches Harry’s hard glare.

“Uh babe Har-” Zayn looks away from Harry and taps your shoulder a few times as he tries to tell you who he sees but you cut him off.

“What do you want to drink? They have sparkling water or-”

“I don’t need anythin’ but for you to look over there and-”

“Look over where-oh.” Harry’s heart skips a beat when your eyes find his, your mouth falls open and your cheeks turn pink and for a moment he thinks it’s because you’re embarrassed but when you brush Zayn’s hand off your arm as you take a step in Harry’s direction he quickly realizes the flush to your cheeks and neck isn’t from embarrassment it’s from anger.

“I uh didn’t think-”

“That seems to be something you’ve doing a lot lately. The whole not thinking thing.” Your voice is harsh as you cut his sentence short and stand right in front of him with a dark look in your eyes he hasn’t seen in years. “Now you better find us somewhere to talk or I’ll let this whole party know what kind of asshole they invited.” He just nods as he turns on his heels and walks towards a hallway he saw a few doors on. You cross your arms over your chest as you stand at the end of it and watch him check each room until he finds one that seems suitable for the conversation the two of you are about to have.

“A closet? Really?”

“The other options were the kitchen or a bathroom and I figured the bathroom would cause more interruptions.”

“Whatever.” You snap as Harry holds the door open for you so you can enter the rather large hall closet that has a shelf with boardgames on it and a few random jackets hanging towards the back.

“Uhm you look lovely I like that dress a lot.” Harry’s voice gives away his nerves as he closes the door behind him, effectively closing the two of you in the space that suddenly seems too small to hold all the unspoken words that are hanging between the two of you.

“Thanks. You bought it.” Your words make Harry fight off the urge to smile, enjoying the fact that even though he’s been a shitty friend you’re still at least using his cards to buy yourself nice things. “Now I just need you to stand there while I get some things off my chest okay? Don’t interrupt or give me any silly looks with your annoying face just-”

“Do-do you want me to face the door then? Because I can’t change how my face looks.”

“Actually that would be great.” He raises an eyebrow at you as if you can’t seriously expect him to face the door but when you place a hand on your hip and narrow your eyes at him he realizes you’re serous.

“Uh okay.” He mumbles as he turns around so his back is facing you and his eyes are glued to the back of the door that has a random assortment of scarves and ties hanging from hooks that are attached to it. He hears you let out a deep breath and he can practically see your hands clasping together in front of you so you can mess with the ring on your index finger, something he knows you do when you’re extra anxious about something and it makes him feel another crack form in his heart knowing that he’s the one making you feel nervous and anxious.

“I know something changed between us the day I showed up at your house.” Your voice is only slightly shaky, something no one else besides him and maybe the man you came to this party with would be able to pick up on. “And I know you felt it because you haven’t talked to me sense and-and god Harry how could you just not talk to me for four whole days as if-as if I’m just some random person and not your bestfriend? How are we supposed to fix this if you don’t talk to me? Or-or is this your way of saying you don’t want to fix it and you rather just be done with me as a friend and as-”

“That’s not it at-”

“I’m not finished.” You cut him off harshly making him swallow thickly as he hears the emotion in your voice. “If you needed time then you could’ve told me you know you could’ve told me and I would’ve understood. But this? This I don’t get because this isn’t you. You don’t ignore the people you care about especially after-” He hears you sniffle and it takes everything in him not to turn around but he knows that’ll just upset you even more. “After you make them feel like the most important person on the planet. You don’t do that Harry. You don’t get to ignore me after making me feel like that it’s-it’s wrong and rude and- and just mean.” Your voice is thick with emotion as you sniffle and let out a frustrated sigh as Harry hears what he knows is the sound of your hands falling to your sides in what he can only assume is defeat as you pour out all your frustrations and feelings about how he’s treated you over the last four days.

“You-you can turn around now.” You tell him and for a moment he hesitates, afraid of what heartbroken version of you he’ll see once he turns and faces you.

“I’m sorry.” He lets the words slip out of his mouth as he turns around and is face to face with you, the girl he’s in love with but somehow managed to break before he even had the chance to tell you how he felt. Your eyes are watery and your bitting down on your bottom lip to try to hide the fact it’s trembling but he sees it, of course he sees it he’s your bestfriend and knows all the little things you do when you’re upset.

“Is that it? Or-”

“You’re right something did change that day but something also changed before that or at least for me it did.” He shoves his hands into his pockets as he looks down at his feet. “I realized when I heard you tell Cindy that I was just Harry your fiend that-that I don’t want to be just your friend or your-sugar daddy I want to be something more because I-I’m in love with you.” He hears you let out a small gasp but he doesn’t dare look up he just swallows the lump in his throat and keeps going. “And it just so happens that’s the same night you drunkenly told me you fell for me too and-and fuck I wish you wouldn’t have told me that because I knew you weren’t going to remember and I just had to carry this secret around and I felt so guilty every time you’d try-try to touch me because I knew how you felt and I didn’t want to take advantage of that or have you feel like I was taking advantage of that-but then you came over and didn’t get the job.” He lets out a sigh as he runs a hand through his hair while lifting his head up so he can finally look at you.

“And everything changed.” He takes a small step towards you, not wanting to make you feel overwhelmed. “It felt different like we were just two lovers making up for lost time and-and it scared me because I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you and yet I did the dumbest thing possible and just ignored you and I’m so sorry. I am so so sorry.” He feels his eyes burn with unshed tears and when you reach your hands out as you close the gap between the two of you he feels as if his heart begin to race.

“It felt different because it was different.” You tell him as you cup the sides of his face with your hands, he feels a few tears roll down his cheeks as you look up at him with rounded eyes. “That was the first time we were together as two people who know they love the other one in a way that’s not exactly friendly.” Your thumbs wipe away the tears from his face as he sniffles and tries to get control of his emotions.

“I do you know? Love you. I love you so much.” He watches a smile take over your face as you pull him down towards you so you can brush your lips against his, his arms wrap around your waist tightly as if he doesn’t want to risk you being able to get away from him.

“I love you too Harry.” You say once you pull away from him, he feels as if his heart is going to burst and the grin that takes over his face is going to be there permanently as you tell him the words he’s been longing to hear from you without the influence of a few dirty martinis.

“Do you forgive me? For being a dumb asshole?”

“Yes I forgive you.” You smile as he presses his lips to your cheeks as your arms loosely wrap around his neck. “What do we do now? How is this going to work with our current situation?”

“Oh that’s simple baby.” He pulls back so he can look you in your eyes. “You just let me keep taking care of you.” He answers making you let out a chuckle as he leans down to nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck.

“Yeah? Just let you take care of me forever huh? Never work again or anything just have you pay my way through life?” You tease but Harry just mumbles a quiet yes as he kisses at the soft skin of your neck. “Are you still my sugar-”

“I’m your boyfriend.” He answers cutting off the rest of the question he already knew was coming as he pulls away from your neck. “Who just so happens to be crazy rich and willing to pay for anything and everything you want or need to be happy.” You laugh and roll your eyes as he gives your hips a playful squeeze.

“You’re horrible.”

“Yeah but you love me for it.” You look up at him and give him a smile as you nod your head.

“Yeah. I do.” Harry smiles as he leans down and places a kiss to your lips that feels a lot like a first kiss, because this one is full of love leaving the both of you breathless when he pulls away.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Harry.” He places a kiss to your forehead making you smile. “Now come on I need a drink and we still have twenty minutes until we can leave.”

“Already counting down the minutes till you can get me home huh?”

“Yes.” Is all you say as you wiggle out of his hold and grab the doorknob. “Oh and you also bought me these shoes.” You tell him as you slide your foot out from under your full length gown.

“Is it wrong that I get turned on knowing you spent my money while mad at me?”

“You’re such a freak.” Harry just shrugs as you laugh and open the door of the closet allowing the two of you to go back to the party.

“Nineteen minutes.” He mumbles into your ear as he stands behind you at the bar. You laugh as you lean into him as his hands find your hips giving them soft squeezes and it feels so natural, being like this with him that you can’t help but silently thank whatever lucky stars took you to that sketchy website all those weeks ago. Because if you wouldn’t have filled out that little profile you wouldn’t be here, standing at the bar at a party with your bestfriend that also now just so happens to be your boyfriend.

#knowing you’re a bit tipsy while he’s not around to make sure nothing happens to you #causing a pit of anxiety to form in his stomach😩#Everything alright with the muffin? Cute Niall’s a good egg #Because you’re the damn muffin man LOL #You just left. Is it easy for you? I’ll sobbbbb #he refuses to let his friendship with you be in jeopardy just because he couldn’t practice a bit of self control. love #He asks as he drags your hand back up his chest placing it over his heart #placing his overtop and running his thumb over your knuckles. 🤭😩🥺😌🥰#“They get you every time I don’t know why you still order them.” lol cute #trying to find a place to hide as if you’re some crazed person who just broke into his house and #he’s not trying to be the first kill of a horror movie. LOL #and the main reason he has a whole drawer dedicated to fuzzy socks just for you. LOVE I wear fuzzy socks year round <3 #“I’ll stop staring when you stop being pretty but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.” Folding for this man like a folding chair #He adds with a smirk making you roll your eyes but your smile never leaves your face🥹#because it never gets old how Harry can go from being so filthy with you to being so sweet and silly🥹#it’s something that shows how well he knows you and how he is always able to be exactly what you need him to be.🥹#I love how you did the he wouldn’t say he’s avoiding you to he can officially say he’s avoiding you lol #the girl he’s in love with but somehow managed to break before he even had the chance to tell you how he felt. 😫#“I realized when I heard you tell Cindy that I was just Harry your friend that-that I don’t want to be 🥹#just your friend or your-sugar daddy I want to be something more because I-I’m in love with you.”🥹 I also let out a small gasp #“That was the first time we were together as two people who know they love the other one in a way that’s not exactly friendly.” SO CUTE #“I do you know? Love you. I love you so much.” So cute ahhhhhhhhhh #“Yeah? Just let you take care of me forever huh? Never work again or anything just have you pay my way through life?”#You tease but Harry just mumbles a quiet yes A MAN #“I’m your boyfriend.”#“Who just so happens to be crazy rich and willing to pay for anything and everything you want or need to be happy.” A MAN #“Is it wrong that I get turned on knowing you spent my money while mad at me?”hot #harry styles fic rec #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff

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ccsainzleclerc5516 · 7 months ago

Text

You’re My Baby Too

Pairing: Lando Norris x reader

Warnings: none

You'd think that the second pregnancy would be a breeze. You already know everything about how it goes, how to prepare, what to expect, but in your case, your second pregnancy was dreadful.

First trimester, horrible nausea, you spent half your time over the toilet with Lando holding your hair. Your baby boy was so much bigger than Isla it made your back hurt like crazy all the time, and the worst thing of all was that your baby boy didn't wanna come out.

You prayed you wouldn't give birth before Lando finished the season, so when the season ended you were relieved. But then your due date passed, and nothing happened. Then five days passed after your due date, nothing again. 10 days after your due date - the baby just doesn't wanna come out.

You were frustrated, exhausted, and tired of being pregnant. You just wanted to be able to see your feet again and be able to get up off the couch without Lando having to pull your hand.

"It's because you make such a good home for him he doesn't wanna come out, love." Lando tried to calm you down in a nice way, not even realizing that he irritated you with that because he's been saying that for the last 10 days and your nerves have become very thin hearing it.

"I swear, if you say that one more time.." You barked rolling your eyes at him while holding your still very pregnant belly.

"I'm sorry, I'll shut up.."

“Thank you.” You glared at him.

He didn't hold it against you for your brazen response because he understood that it had become too much for you. Lately, he's been walking on eggshells around you because everything has been annoying you, and he didn't want to be the one to contribute to that.

When the twelfth day passed since your due date, you realized that too much time had passed and you even started to worry a little that something was wrong. So Lando decided to take you to the hospital, where you very clearly told the doctor that you weren't leaving the place until you gave birth.

You thought that by some miracle, as soon as you stepped into the hospital, labor would start and you would just pop the baby out and everything would be over in less than two hours just like it was with Isla, but of course that wasn't the case with this baby.

"I think we have no other choice but to induce the labor." The doctor said.

"Okay, how long does it take?" You asked. "Is it like natural labor or?"

"Induced labor can last from a few hours to a few days, it depends. It's most often completed within 12 to 18 hours from the start of the procedure."

"Oh my God" You sighed in despair with tears in your eyes and Lando immediately squeezed your hand to offer you at least some comfort.

"Does it hurt more than a normal birth?" Lando was very concerned about how painful it would be for you. While you were giving birth to Isla, Lando was of course by your side, and even though it was much shorter and easier, he was still terribly shaken to see the pain you went through.

"I don't want to discourage you and scare you right from the start, but many women have said that induced labor is more painful."

And boy oh boy was it painful.

When they gave you the drip to induce contractions, that's when the real agony began. The drip makes contractions stronger and more frequent and you can't even begin to explain what you'd compare that pain to.

You were sweating.

Crying.

Gripping the sides of the bed and Lando's hand, which at one point you thought you were going to break.

You honestly felt like dying. What was supposed to be the most beautiful experience of your life was quickly turning into a nightmare.

Lando was heartbroken seeing you like this. He was putting cold compresses on you, hugging you, kissing you, comforting you, begging you to endure this.

"I'm so sorry baby, I wish I could go through this instead of you. I'm so sorry."

He didn't leave you for a second, except when you caught a 5-minute break from the contractions and managed to close your eyes for at least a moment and calm down. Lando said he had to go to the bathroom.

He lied actually. Instead he went to the hallway outside your room where his parents were patiently waiting. By the look on his face, Cisca and Adam could see that Lando was not well and that he himself was traumatized.

Lando didn't say anything, he just hugged Cisca and buried his face in her neck, soaking her shoulder with tears.

"I'm so fucking scared for her. It wasn't like this the first time." Lando cried quietly.

"Oh honey, y/n's going to be alright, I promise you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but soon this will pass and you'll be going home with your baby." Cisca comforted trying to lift his spirits. "Honey, you need to get yourself together, alright? She needs you right now and you need to be there for her."

When labor finally began after 14 long hours, you were running out of strength. You were so exhausted that you weren't sure if you would be able to push the baby out.

"Push y/n, push!" The doctor encouraged.

"I c-can't" You cried breathing rapidly. "Lando, I can't do it.."

"Come on baby, you can, I know you can. Just a little bit more and it's done, I promise. You've got this" He was pushing your hair out of your face, holding your hand, and holding your leg at the same time.

"Come on, push, push! I can see the head!"

Finally, the baby's cry was heard and soon the baby boy was on your chest. As soon as you saw him, all the pain instantly vanished.

He was so perfect. So worth it.

Lando couldn't contain his emotions as he rested his head on your shoulder, carefully observing his baby.

Later that day, when everything had calmed down, Lando was still there by your side. He couldn't be separated from you nor did he want to. His gaze shifted between you and the baby watching you both sleep peacefully.

He was tired too. He didn't really remember the last time he slept, but he knew you had it worse than him anyway, so he didn't even think of complaining.

"Lan?"

"Hey, love" His face lit up when you opened your eyes. When he saw you smile, it brought energy back to him. He took your hand and pressed a kiss to it. "Did you get some rest?"

"I did, why didn't you?" You asked him when you saw the huge dark circles under his eyes and the same clothes from the day before yesterday. "Baby, please go home, I know you're exhausted too."

"The only way I'm getting out of here is with you two."

You didn't want to argue with him because you knew it was pointless. You were just grateful that he was there and that he was yours.

"My pretty, pretty girl. I'm so proud of you." Lando said softly caressing your cheek and looking into your tired eyes. "I love you so much you know that, right?"

"I know, I can feel it. I love you too, so much." You say before kissing him. "Where are our kids?"

"This little guy is sleeping here without a care in the world."

"And Isla? She didn't come with your parents?"

"No, I told them not to bring her because I knew you'd get too emotional if you saw her, and I wanted you to rest as much as possible."

"You should've told them to bring her, I really miss her and I can't wait for her to meet her brother." You said, but you could still see the worry in Lando's eyes. "I'm fine, Lan, I promise."

"We're done with the kids. Our family is complete now."

"Lan.." You chuckled.

"No, I'm serious. I never want to see you go through so much pain again. It's been so hard to watch you like that and not be able to do anything and I'm not putting you through it again. "

"It was worth it tho. Look at him, he's so perfect. I'd do it all over again for our baby"

"I know, I know, but you're my baby too." No matter how many children you have, his protective attitude towards you will never change.

"Oh, love.." You pulled his hand to get up from the chair and come sit on the bed next to you so you can cuddle up next to him.

"I can't wait to take you home, both of you." He said quietly kissing your forehead.

You rested your head on his chest, knowing that wherever you are, as long as he's there, everything is fine.

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ohnoitstbskyen · 3 months ago

Note

Ok so I’ve had this question for a while and I feel like you’ll be able to give me a good answer. I understand that we’re absolutely not supposed to support anything JKR does monetarily and I never intend to do so. However is engaging with Harry Potter media *at all* also something I should not do or is it only things that give her money?

Like, would there be anything wrong with me playing Hogwarts Legacy if I pirated it? Is fanfiction and fan art ok to consume? Or is engaging with the IP at all going to be harmful in a way that I don’t see atm?

Thank you for your time!

I don't really think a cis person is the right person to ask about this, but I also know that trans people are sick to death of having to field these questions so I'll do my best to answer this, if everyone who reads my answer will promise me that you will NOT use anything I say in this post as an annoying argument against a trans person who has a different opinion on the matter. Remember whose opinions are actually important here.

And look, number one, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Nobody can stop you. If you, in yourself, in your soul, feel morally comfortable consuming Harry Potter by some convoluted method of Ethical Consumption™, then go and do that, and own it, and have the strength to be judged for your decisions.

Trans people might not trust you - hell, I'll probably not trust you either. They might get angry at you, and criticize you, or roll their eyes and call you a fucking loser. If you have the moral conviction that what you are doing is right, and that you are acting in accordance with your beliefs and you are not doing harm, then stand by that conviction and face the consequences. Have that strength of character.

But if you feel the need to go around posting and arguing that it's unfair, that you shouldn't be judged, that you should get to be a special exception and people are unreasonable when they get mad at you... then that is evidence, proof positive, that you are a fucking loser. That you are cowardly, and you don't actually believe that what you are doing is right, you just want the world to affirm your fragile ego while you enjoy your little treats.

To be clear, I am not accusing you of doing this (you seem to just earnestly be asking for guidance), but there's a hell of a lot of people who do do this, and you don't want to be one of them.

So that's number one. Do whatever the fuck you want, and face the consequences with a spine.

Number two is... just fucking drop it. That is my earnest advice to you. Just fucking drop Harry Potter. They are children's books from the early 2000s, they just are not that fucking good or important. The Hogwarts Legacy game is live service slop; the movies are passable at best and their quality comes from the actors being better than the source material. Just drop it. Harry Potter has nothing to offer that you can't get elsewhere from better media with better authors, or problematic authors who have good grace to at least be dead.

Don't waste your life thinking about complicated ways to circumvent the moral problem of JK Rowling's rancid transphobic hate-aura at the center of the franchise, don't waste your finite time on Earth trying to thread that stupid needle. Harry Potter isn't worth this. Rowling is old, and shriveling from hate and mold fumes, at the very least just wait for her to fucking die, and for her political project to fail, before you pick that world back up again.

I speak as someone who read the first book at age 11, hyperfixated on relating to Harry, and whose entire cultural life was consumed by the franchise for over a decade. It is not worth it. You don't need it, you don't need the stress of trying to navigate how or whether to engage with it ethically. You almost certainly have an enormous backlog of other books, games, movies and TV shows you've been meaning to get around to, so just go do that instead. I promise you it will be infinitely more rewarding, and infinitely less compromised by stress and guilt and cognitive dissonance.

And while you're at it, send some money to a trans charity and go scream invectives at a transphobic politician some time.

#tb answers #whumpcollector #harry potter #hogwarts legacy

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neodazed · 26 days ago

Text

enhypen - 🎀 - raw offer

enha!xfem!reader - letting them hit raw for the first time

includes: hee, jay, jake, riki (cuz i didnt think it fit for sunoo and hoon that much, and i have a longer similar fics for won coming up)

warnings: unprotected sex (obviously), breeding kink, mentions of actual breeding, rough sex, pull and pray, creampies, lowkey implied noncon BUT ITS CON, reader is different in all lol, lmk if i missed smth

guys dont mind the header not being pretty im in a depressive episode rn my asks are open tho

masterlist

HEESEUNG

Top three raw lovers in Enha for sure.

Like, he has been wanting to do it raw since your very first time, but that was unfamilair terrority for you, so he didn’t push it.

But you were able to see it.

The subtle distaste on his face every time he unpacked the condom, and positioned himself, feeling the latex keeping him from feeling your pussy around him.

Maybe he couldn’t help it, maybe he did it on purpose, so you’d feel bad and just give in to his (your) desires.

Whether it was intentional or not, it was working. You got that damn Plan B after pills, you doubled the punctuality of your already instense everything shower, and now you are ready.

Well, mostly. Still nervous, and thinking about all the possible way this could go wrong, or like, what if it won’t even feel any better and you did all that for nothing? Embarassing. You better see those dark bambi eyes roll back to know it was worth it.

His reaction to this is already paying off a big part though.

‘Oh yeah? You did that just for me?’

You nod, a little shy under his deep gaze. He’s currently hovering over you in bed, after a long makeout session you literally broke with saying “I bought Plan B”. First, he was taken aback, then he started to smirk like he is doing now, which you weren’t sure what kind of smirk was, somewhat unusal.

‘You want me to fuck your little pussy raw?’ Heeseung tiltshis head to the side, one of his hands already in your tiny sleeping shorts. It’s kinda weird, because that wasn’t originally your idea, but…you do want it, right? So you nod, not even sure if it was a real question.

He suddenly grips your jaw, harsh, and forces a firm eyecontact.

‘With words, Y/N. Answer me.’

Oh so it is.

‘I-I do…’ — Clearly still not enough — ‘I want you to fuck my pussy raw’ A messing blush that you are, seriously. Way too crude.

When he pushes in, you start to get why he’s kinda obsessed with this idea.

He’s obviously a lot more into it now, judging by the way he’s snapping his hips forward, and bruising your tights by gripping them so hard.

And…

‘Fuck, I’m coming inside. I can, right? — He answers his own question before you could even breathe — Of course I can. I’m filling you up, I’m- gonna breed you full’

Wait, pause.

Full? Breeding? That’s not-

Suddenly, he’s roughly rubbing your bundle of nerves, and the words on your throat die and evolve into whimpers of pleasure. He takes that as a firm ‘yes’.

His cum is hot inside you.

JAY

God, you're both so into it.

You were literally just both hesitant to bring it up without sounding like an absolute freak to the other.

Because it wasn’t just the feeling of each other without layers — it was the feeling of the risk, the possibility.

What would happen if he actually ended up impregnating you? No one really cares about that in the moment when a specific wish slips out of your lips as he drags the red, angry head of his cock to your cervix and back with every thrust.

‘Please, Jay, i-inside’

His hips shatter, pausing for a minute.

‘Inside? Baby, are you sure?’

Despite his question, he’s still not stopping entirely, his slower, but deeper thrusts keeping you both on edge.

‘Yes, yes-please, come inside’

No more reluctance, just his hand finding your throat, pinning you to the bed and pounding his big load into your eager cunt. When he pulls out after the last thrust, he sees his cum drip out of you. Might be the prettiest sigh he’ve ever seen.

Yeah, he might have ran for Plan B after this, but it was pretty hot.

JAKE

You and Jake are at a party. You came with some of your friends, but as the night went on, you eventually separated from them.

Some shots down, a little bit of dancing (your back aligning with Jake’s chest and ass grinding back against his crotch), he pulls you into a bathroom upstairs. No questions, just sloppy kisses, dress pushed up, belt hitting the floor, boxers and panties pulled to the side.

You are both tipsy, so even you, who is usually the more thoughtful and cool headed one, loses focus, which results in you only noticing that Jake is bare, when he has already pushed the swollen head past your rim.

‘Jake, wait! You didn’t put on a condom!’ You gasp, grabbing his shoulders.

‘Babe, we don’t have a condom!’ He whines into your neck. He stopped when you told him to wait, but he is still half-buried inside of you, and doesn’t make a move to pull out.

You’re ready to scold him and tell him to pull the fuck out, but when you make eye contact with him, you already know you’ll let him. Because damn he’s good at this whole ‘desperate, almost crying but holding on’ look.

And yes, he was a whiny mess.

‘Ah, Y/N, fuck. You feel so good- why haven’t we done this before?’

And you would smack him for that if it wasn’t so good.

RIKI

It all started with running out of condoms and the sentence ‘I’ll just grind down, I won’t put it in’.

And now Riki’s long, thick length is sliding through your folds, drawning out low groans of him and soft gasps from you. He is pulling your soaked thongs aside with one hand, and grips himself with the other, pumping his whitish liquid out of the angry head of his cock onto your mound.

He also leans down to give those sloppy kisses of his just in the right moments, and the way he licks into your mouth and pushes his hard shaft against your clit makes you want to suck him in like a vacuum. Or whatever.

And, you know, it might have been too slippery, you might have been too lost in the moment to notice that he is, well…inside. You both let out probably the filthiest sound so far.

Warm. Hard. Pulsing.

Warm. Tight. Gasping.

Feeling each other deep inside without anything in the way had to be the hottest thing in the world.

And you couldn’t move.

‘Should I pull out?’ He asks, but he is still pressing you down, and he has pushed all the way in now.

He should. You’re not in the situation to just do it like this, but…

‘No, don’t’

It’s all a blurry mess of chase after that.

Long story short, he cums into your more than one time, and you leave your pretty white rings around even more times by the end.

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godmadeaterribleerror · 5 months ago

Text

Louder Than Fear

Main Masterlist - Bucky Masterlist

Read on A03!

Tags: Bucky Barnes/Female Reader, smut (p in v, oral both receiving), light angst, sex pollen, no use of y/n

Summary/Warnings: Missions involving Hydra often go very wrong. This is different. This is worse. This is a strange bioweapon, nobody telling you exactly what's wrong, and staring at the ceiling as Bucky roars you name. It's echoing in your brain. And you love him.

So you have to fix this.

Author's Note: Sudden rush of Bucky content is doing nothing but feeding my preexisting addiction. Enjoy the result of that!

Word Count: 8.5k

It’s not technically babysitting duty. On paper it’s called monitoring and mediating. Ensuring agents do not get off track or engage in unprofessional actives.

On paper, you were supposed to be waiting in the car. But then Sam had started whining about being put on surveillance duty like he was a five-year-old, and you’d ended up walking them through the forest so he’d have company. Then Steve had pointed out that you’d be best at actually finding the target, and you’d ended up fifty feet underground in a Hydra bunker.

And he’d been right, you would be, but that wasn’t supposed to be your job.

You were supposed to be waiting in the car, monitoring and mediating.

If they’d just let you wait in the car, everything might have been fine. Bucky wouldn’t be strapped to the jet seat with his eyes squeezed tight, Steve wouldn’t be standing between you for reasons you don’t really understand, and Sam wouldn’t be on strict say one word and get stabbed orders.

You shouldn’t have gone into the bunker.

You shouldn’t have gotten distracted in the bunker.

“I just don’t see how this is a useful conversation-“

“You don’t need to see how it’s useful, Cap, you just need to accept that when it comes to pop culture, I’m always gonna be right-“

“But you’re starting from an advantage, it’s not a level playing field-“

Sam had laughed in your ear, and the sound was a little scratchy and static. “This isn’t a war, there doesn’t need to be a level playing field-“

“Well, once Bucky and I catch up on 21st century media-“

“Bucky isn’t catching up on shit, isn’t that right buddy-“

Steve had stopped in the middle of the hallway, and you’d almost slammed right into his back, stopped only by an impossibly strong, cool arm had wrapping around your waist and pulling you back right before the collision.

You’d leaned back to see Bucky still scanning around the dark hallway as he supported your body, he’d smelled so good, and it had been an effort to focus on Sam and Steve’s conversation.

“That’s rude, Sam-“

“I’m not insulting him.” You’d been able to picture the shit-eating grin on Sam’s face. “I’m just pointing out that the last time we tried to watch a movie, Bucky got mad at the CGI-“

“It was stupid.” Bucky had muttered, frowning at the air around him “Movies didn’t need to be doing so much.”

You’d mouthed along to his words—you’ve heard them before, and you’ll likely hear them again—and when you’d caught his eye, you’d thrown him a winning smile that just made him roll his eyes.

He’d still been holding onto you, even though you’d long regained your balance.

You were almost certain you’d seen his mouth twitch slightly in the dark.

“Then we’ll find some other movies, Buck, and-”

Steve had turned around to raise his brows at Bucky, but ended up doing a slight double take at the sight of you. Pressed tight to Bucky’s chest, his arm around your stomach, your eyes wide on Steve’s, and Bucky continuing to monitor the incredibly empty hall.

“I- uh-“ You’d been pretty sure Steve was blushing, and he’d definitely been stumbling over his words. “I can- I’m just gonna turn around-“

“Why?” Sam’s voice had been a little too loud and eager in your ear. “What’s going on? Are they making-“

“I fell.” You’d mumbled, your voice a little frantic. “And Bucky-“

“What did he do? Did he sweep you off your feet-“

“Shut up, Wilson.” Bucky still hadn’t been paying full attention. He still hadn’t let go. “Focus on the mission-“

You could picture Sam’s shrug. “Mission is boring. How exciting, Hydra’s taking up gardening-“

You’d frowned into the air. “It’s not gardening, Sam-“

“Right, sorry,” Sam had said your name, his voice at least a little apologetic. “Didn’t mean to shit on your thing-“

“Yeah, that’s not what I’m worried about.” You’d sighed, leaning your head a little back. You’d almost been resting it on Bucky’s shoulder.

He hadn’t pushed you away.

“Did you read Stark’s mission briefing-“

“No.” Sam had cut you off, and he’d sounded appalled you’d even suggest that. “It’s mostly just Tony kissing his own ass, and you and Golden Boy down there always go cover to cover, so why should I-”

You sigh. “Because then you’d know why it’s not just gardening, dumbass-“

Sam had gasped, and it had been one of the most dramatic ones you’d even heard. “That’s not very nice-“

“Shut up.” You’d raised your brows at Steve, who had been mostly trying to not look you or Bucky directly in the eyes. “Steve, tell bird-boy why it’s not just gardening.”

He’d nodded, staring very pointedly at a spot on the wall. “It’s, uh, they tried to make a bioweapon. With plants.”

“All I’m hearing is gardening-“

“Sam Wilson.” You’d snapped, and that had shut him up. You’d used what Stark called your Mom voice—where you stopped shouting and made your tone firm—and even Bucky had tensed behind you. “Stop acting like a middle schooler, or I’ll make you write a book report about the next briefing. Got it?”

Sam had sighed in your ear, mumbled an agreement, and Steve had shot you a nervous grin before he started shuffling back down the hall.

You’d had to poke Bucky’s face to get his attention, nodding to his arm around your body to get him to release you.

Once he had, you’d just kept walking, because you never allow yourself to think about those odd but frequent moments. The ones where Bucky touches you a little longer than needed, or did something protective that he’d probably do for anyone on a mission, but still made your head feel fuzzy and your gut a little warm.

The rest of the mission had run smoothly. Sam had shut up, and Steve had gotten distracted from the whole Bucky holding you like a doll thing by a few well-timed questions about how he’s doing on his self-inflicted music catch up mission, and you’d taken every single moment Bucky interacted with you and locked them deep in your chest.

You’d gotten good at that. You were a dragon hoarding gold, only the dragon was your dumb little heart, and the gold was Bucky’s attention.

He’d opened at door for you. He’d stayed on pace behind you like a very stoic, grumpy guard dog. He’d pulled you back by the collar of your shirt before you could walk right into a trap, and you’d ended up half off the ground, in his arms, and repeating to yourself it means nothing.

This means nothing.

To Bucky, this means nothing.

Then he’d spoken to you, and you’d almost tripped over your own rapid and electrified heartbeat.

“I read it.” He’d muttered in your ear, and you’d blinked up at him with a frown.

“What?”

He’d been looking at you. His eyes are an always little more than on yours, because whenever Bucky looks at you it’s feels like something’s branding on your spine. Sending tiny little sparking shockwaves through your body, making you stand a little taller and blink a little less, because it seems your body simply refuses to miss a single moment him.

“I read the mission report.” He’d grunted. It had sounded incredibly important for you to know. “I always do.”

“Oh. Good.”

And he’d looked really handsome. His mission suit fit him too well. His metal hand kept flexing, and it was making your breathing a little short. He’d been bullied into a haircut a few months ago, but most of it had regrown, and it framed his face so distractingly well.

And that had been the mistake.

You’d gotten really distracted. Even after you’d kept walking, Bucky’s voice just bounced and echoed around in your head, and when you’d found the bioweapon—it was just a big flower, but Sam never needed to know that—you’d been too slow to react.

The spurt of pollen had been aimed at you.

Bucky had jumped in front of you because he was a dumbass.

And now, you were here.

The moment Bucky had been sprayed in the face—you’ve strictly forbidden Sam from called it being hit with plant jizz—his whole body had tensed, his eyes had dilated, and he’d… taken off his arm. Let it clatter to the floor as his breathing became labored, and his eyes locked onto yours.

You and Steve had stared at him, you’d opened your mouth to ask if he was okay, and he’d raised his hand as if he could physically block the sound of your voice.

“Steve.” His words had been pushed through his teeth, so strained and weighted that it had ached a little in your chest. “Get her out.”

Steve had just frowned at him. “Bucky, what’s-“

“Out.” He’d hissed, and Steve—the loyal fuck—had listened.

You’d been carried back to the jet by Sam, Steve had gone back to get Bucky, and you’d had plenty of time to try and work out what the fuck had just happened.

It was a bioweapon. All of you had known that, but you didn’t know what it did. Bucky could be in pain, he could be suffering, he could be dying.

He certainly isn’t okay. He’d asked to be restrained, every time you speak he flinches, and he’s refused to put his arm back on. Steve keeps trying to ask him what’s wrong, and he just shakes his head and mutters something you can’t hear. Sam tried to sit down next to you and he fucking growls.

“Jesus, Bucky, did you get turned into a dog by the plant ji-“

You slam your fist into Sam’s gut, he doubles over with a groan, and Bucky won’t stop staring at you. It’s worse than the branding feeling. That’s always just from you, and it’s always unintentional. Bucky doesn’t know that you like his pretty face and his grumpy words, that you have very vulgar and inappropriate fantasies about the metal arm, or that every time you draw a chuckle or small smile out him it makes the whole world light up.

But this is brighter than the usual attention. This is a little feral, and he doesn’t look comfortable. Usually when he looks at you his body relaxes slightly, and you take that and bury it in your collection. Right now his stare seems to be carving right into your ribs and wrapping around your skin, like he’s trying to pull you apart with just his eyes. His breathing is ragged and loud, his nostrils keep flaring, and he’s leaning forward in his restraints.

And Steve’s a big guy, but not big enough that Bucky can’t lean around him to keep watching you.

Then his eyes start to droop, and you can see sweat stains all over his suit. He’s still looking at you.

He’s flushed and pale all at once, and he lets out a high, almost whining sound of pain-

“Sam.” You whisper, afraid to look away from Bucky for even a second. “Can you please-“

“Yes, ma’am.” Sam presses his hand to Bucky’s brow, his eyes widen slightly, and you feel a little sick.

“Shit, uh, Steve-“

Steve moves without question, and his reaction is an almost twin look of worry.

“Goddamnit.” He looks back to you, saying your name cautiously. “It’s- he’s burning.”

“FRIDAY,” you mumble, because maybe they’re both wrong. Maybe the jet is warm. “Can you please check Bucky’s temperature?”

“Sargent Barnes has a fever of one-hundred and four point six degrees. Would you like me to alert the Compound to prepare for medical response?”

You swallow, your hand curling into a fist to stop it from reaching out and touching him. He’s got firm lines on his brow and you’d like to trace them. Sooth them out.

“Send his vitals to Bruce and Tony too.”

Steve takes over for you, and you’ll have to thank him later, when your heart isn’t pounding and banging in your ribs, and Bucky doesn’t look like he’s trying to fly out of his skin.

You don’t know why he jumped in front of you. You would’ve been fine. Whatever’s affecting him wouldn’t affect you. And he should’ve known that.

“Why does Stark call you Mother Earth?” He’d asked you once, suddenly a few feet behind you in the kitchen, and you’d blinked at him.

He’d only just moved into the compound. His hair was still a little greasy—he hadn’t been introduced to the wonders of coconut oil and conditioner yet—and there was still a weary, haunted expression on his face almost every waking second. He didn’t talk to anyone but Steve because it was Steve, his government mandated therapist because he had to, and Sam and Peter because they didn’t know how to not talk.

But there he was.

Talking to you.

“Because I have plant powers.” You’d shrugged, turning back to the stove. “And Tony’s convinced he’s a comedic genius.”

Bucky had moved to lean against the counter, and he’d still been watching you. It was the first time you’d gotten that warm, bright feeling up your spine. “What do plant powers do.”

“The technical term Bruce uses is chlorokinesis.” You’d started to fish through the cabinets for a mug, keeping your voice calm and even. “I can control and manipulate botanical life. But I’m also invulnerable. To physical injury and allergies, because I’m basically half-plant myself, so I can like, regrow or whatever. I mean, plant powers is pretty fucking self-explanatory-“

You’d paused, glancing at Bucky with an apologetic expression.

“Sorry.” You’d mumbled. “That was mean.”

He’d given you an odd look, and for a second you’d thought he would leave. Push off the counter and walk away, never sparing a glance in your direction again.

But he’d just stared at you with that unreadable expression. And when he’d finally spoken, his words weren’t clipped or rough. They’d sounded almost easy. Calm.

“Do you need help?”

You’d swallowed, your hand still reaching half over your head. “What?”

“You look like you’re having trouble.” He’d nodded to your outstretched arm, frozen in the cabinet. “I can help.”

You’d nodded, he’d closed the space in one second, and his body had been warm. Almost radiating heat, setting your skin on fire when just his fingers brushed yours. He’d handed you the mug with an expression on his face that was almost a grin, you’d smiled back, and that had been it.

You’d been gone.

You’d barely even stood a chance.

Your heart had passed itself into Bucky’s hands, and he’d held it so carefully without ever knowing. He stayed near you and fed your hunger for him all the fucking time. He literally fed you, because the thing that seemed to fascinate him the most about modern times was the food—to the point that Tony put a weekly cap on his DoorDash account—and whenever he knew you were at the compound, he’d make you eat with him.

And Sam had been right. Bucky did have an odd, amusing determination to remain entirely an old man, but it was also adorable and charming in a way Sam simply did not know how to appreciate. You’d learned that—to make Bucky consume any remotely modern media—you just had to let him show you something in trade. You’d listened to a lot of Bing Crosby and Duke Ellington just to make Bucky experience one Beyonce song.

His eyes had been so wide the entire time you’d been worried they’d pop out of his head.

You’d caught him listening to it again almost two weeks later, mumbling along to the lyrics in a way that was more sound than word.

And you’d fallen a little further. Over and over in small moments like that one, stronger and stronger as Bucky’s smile turned from a grimacing, almost mechanical movement as he relearned how his face worked, into a broad, almost goofy expression that he seemed to reserve for the people that sat with him in silence when he needed it, and smiled at him without expecting one in return.

The list was short. Limited to you and Steve, as well as Sam under very dire circumstances.

You’d never allowed yourself to read too far into that.

But it was hard not to now.

Because Bucky wasn’t looking at anyone but you. Whenever his eyes flutter in his sleep, or he wakes up with a low moan, his gaze locks onto your open expression of worry. He keeps groaning something that sounds like your name in his sleep.

You want to help him.

He curls away from you with almost a snarl every time you try to even get out of your seat.

And you’re so confused.

Steve mutters your name when the jet lands, and he’s not looking away from Bucky as he speaks. “Don’t get out of your seat until we get Bucky sedated.”

You nod nervously, right up until the word sedated catches up with your brain.

“Wait, don’t-“

“We have to.” Steve’s voice is firm. Low and unwavering. “I’ll explain later. Stay in your seat.”

He’s not asking. That’s an order.

And it only takes a few moments for you to realize why.

Bucky fights. The medic team wakes him up as they try to move him out of the jet, and he fights like an animal. This isn’t his usual, controlled and calculated movements. This is wild, with roars and noises that are almost primal ripping out of his chest.

He doesn’t stop looking at you, or saying your name, and the noise is almost pleading.

You have to cover your ears. If you heard any more you would’ve damned it and helped him, and you have a feeling it would’ve made everything worse.

It takes Steve, Sam, the whole med team, and a very concerned Natasha to get him down.

And you’re alone in the jet. Left to wander your way back to your room, your hands shaking slightly and your head spinning.

He would’ve been fine. If you’d just stayed in the car, or you’d been fucking paying attention and had moved faster—dodging the spray yourself or making sure it hit you instead of Bucky—everything would’ve been fine.

Nobody tells you what’s happening. You lay on flat the bed, stare up at the ceiling, and your brain begins to feel a little foggy.

You can still see him staring at you. The sight is almost seared onto your vision, and everything seems to be lined with blue wherever you look. He’d been in pain. This building has the most advanced medical technology in America, and these people have access to all the best doctors in the world, but as far as you know he’s still hurting. Still screaming and thrashing, still burning up and probably all alone, because this is the exact type of thing that can’t happen to him.

Fuck. This can’t happen to Bucky. If it was Steve they’d be worried, but he’d be treated with more care. No brutal slamming of his body against the jet wall, no sedative specifically tailored to make him go down. If it was Sam there wouldn’t need to be as many resources exerted to get him down. Bucky would’ve just punched him in the face with no shortage of glee in his expression, and everyone would be fine.

But Bucky’s going to have to get mental clearance. That wasn’t the Soldier, but they’ll be worried it was. You’d still seen Bucky behind his eyes—simply a panicked and desperate version of him—but no one’s going to see that but you. Even Steve will elect to be safe rather than sorry.

You’d fucked it up for him. He’d been doing so well, and you’d fucked it up with your dumb, distracting infatuation. And you don’t even know if he’s still in pain.

“FRIDAY?” Your voice is soft, barely audible even in the silence, but the AI hears you anyway.

“How can I help you, Mother Earth?”

You’re going to need to stab Tony later. Right now you have bigger worries.

“Is Bucky okay?”

“I’m sorry, agent,” FRIDAY says your last name, and her voice doesn’t sound very sorry. “I have been blocked from sharing any information about Sargent Barnes with you indefinitely.”

You sit up on the bed, glaring around the room. “I’m- what? Why would- what? Who blocked me?”

“The order was issued by Agent Romanov.”

“Can you please unblock me?”

“Unfortunately not. Your admin privileges have been removed from my system until further notice.”

You gape at the ceiling. “Who did that?”

“Dr. Banner put in the request, and it was approved by Mr. Stark. You are also under strict orders not to leave your quarters. I have an audio recording from Mr. Stark for you that can be played upon request. Would you-“

“Play it.” You snap, then flinch at your own harsh tone. “Sorry. Please play it.”

“Hey, Mom.” Tony’s voice fills the room, the usual light apathy in his voice filled with something heavier. Almost tired. You almost forget to be mad about him calling you mom. “Before you get all pissed and turn my house into the Amazon, we didn’t want to do this. Tall, dark, and murdery keeps saying your name, and until we work out what’s wrong with him I’m not comfortable having you wander around. Sorry.”

The audio clicks off, and Tony’s getting stabbed twice now.

“FRIDAY,” you chose your words carefully, keeping your tone even and natural. “Can you please tell me who’s near residential room sixty-seven?”

“Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark are standing the hall, Dr. Banner recently entered the room, and Agent Romanov just left the wing.”

“Can you patch me to Natasha, please?”

“I am alerting the agent of your request now.”

It takes a long, painful second, but Natasha picks up. You barely wait for the static hum of the call to fill the room before you’re talking, staring at the corner of your room where you know Tony keeps the camera.

“What’s wrong with him.”

Natasha sighs over the speaker. “I can’t tell you that,” she says your name in a worryingly gentle voice, and your hands curl back into fists. “You know I can’t.”

“I’m not-“ You swallow, holding your gaze on the camera. “Please. Just tell me what’s going on-“

“We’re going to fix it. Tony and Steve are looking at options-“

“Options for what?” Your voice is pleading. You don’t care. “Nat, I’m can’t- I’m really worried-“

“I know you are.” Her voice is still gentle. You can taste bile in your throat. “Which is why we can’t tell you. I’m-“

“Don’t say sorry.” You snap. “Just, just tell me he’s okay. Please.”

There’s a long silence. It’s an answer enough, and it sinks too deep into your skin.

Natasha’s a good liar.

Why can’t she just lie.

“He will be okay.” Her tone is cautious, and you can picture her frown. “We’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“Can I help?” You whisper. “With anything? Please?”

She’s silent again. You’re going to throw up.

“Nat-“

“I’ll call you back.”

The line goes dead, and that time, she’d lied. She doesn’t call you back. Time drags on and comes to odd, stuttering halts as you sit in the silence, and when you finally clear your throat and sit up once more, it’s dark outside.

“FRIDAY, can you please give me the feed of the hallway outside residential room sixty-seven?”

The AI doesn’t bother to answer you, silently patching you through.

You don’t think she’s really supposed to. But she seems to like that you say please.

Natasha, Steve, and Bruce are huddled outside of Bucky’s room, their voices low, but not enough for FRIDAY not to pick up the audio.

“He’s not getting any better.” Bruce mutters, his head turned down. You can see him fidgeting with his glasses, and you can picture the frown on his face. “And I am beginning to worry. There’s just- there’s nothing else I can do.”

Steve shakes his head, and the panic in his voice sounds a lot like the wired, tense little bubbles rising in your throat. “But- Bruce there’s got to be another option, we work in a miracle factory-“

“And I’m afraid I’m out of them, Cap. I’m sorry, it’s- it’s the only option.” Bruce sighs. “Hydra was very thorough.”

There’s a long moment of silence you can’t understand, the hum of the audio clashing horribly with the ringing in your ears, and then-

“He won’t take anyone else?” Natasha sounds desperate. It’s louder than an alarm echoing through the compound. “What about- Have we tried the pocket pussy?”

“He broke it.” Steve mutters, his face red, and a lot of things click into place at once.

The heavy breathing, and tension in his body, and animalistic sounds and behaviors. The dilated eyes, and restraints, and intense gaze.

Lustful gaze.

Oh.

Fuck.

“And Bucky’s been very clear with us that he refuses to do… that with anyone but her.” Steve’s still talking. The room around you is a little hazy. “Tony even offered to hire someone, and he said he’d rather uh, castrate himself.”

Natasha lets out a slow breath, her words slow and careful. “She’d say yes-“

“I know she would, Nat, that’s not my worry.” Steve shakes his head, frowning at the door. “She’d say yes to help him, and he’d- It would break him. If that was it.”

“And I’m trying to get it into your skull, Rogers, that wouldn’t be it-“

“You don’t know that-“

Natasha lets out a dry laugh. “I’m pretty sure I do. You’d have to be blind not to see it-“

“I’m not blind, I just don’t want Bucky to get hurt-“

“He wouldn’t get hurt, that’s what I’m saying-“

“And when he does? We can’t kick either of them out, and he- You don’t know how serious it is for him, Nat.” Steve sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “He called it a love a first sight thing.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “That probably makes two of them.”

And Natasha says your name. Everything slows, but not like in a movie. More like being underwater, where it’s just a little harder to see and hear, and you’re pushing against something that all around you, and it’s cool and easy but you’re drowning-

Then you breach the surface.

And the world becomes too fast around you as Natasha just keeps talking.

“She was begging me to help, Steve. She wouldn’t regret it-“

“And Barnes is running out time.” Bruce jumps in, giving Natasha an apologetic look. “I don’t believe he’ll allow another, no matter what levels or heights his desperation reaches, especially if he’s as… infatuated as you say.”

“He is.” Steve mumbles. “It’s… Geez, Bruce, he’s like a lost puppy.”

“So let’s go get his owner.” Natasha gives Steve a pointed look, and you swallow. “She at least deserves a choice.”

You.

You deserve the choice.

The feed drops black, and you’re going to get a choice.

It’s barely a choice. It’s more of an instinct. Steve and Bruce shuffle into your room with nervous smiles, explain the situation—you don’t want to give away that you’d been spying, it would likely just make things more complicated—and the words are Bucky’ll only, well, he’s refusing anyone but you are barely out of Steve’s mouth before you nod.

You say yes. And Steve stares at you, opening his mouth to say something he seems to think better of, and you hold is gaze.

You mean it.

And no amount of shock over the situation, no amount of stunning revelations or Tony’s worrying about you coming out, no pun intended, right side up will make you not mean it.

They give you an escape plan.

You won’t use it.

Bucky’s entirely naked when you walk into his room. Pulling a blanket over his lap before your eyes can wander further down from his darkened, painfully handsome face and broad chest. He’s sitting tall and rigid on the edge of his mattress, almost tracking your every movement as you walk through the door, jaw ticking when it closes behind you.

“You shouldn’t be in here.” He mutters. “I told Steve I’d be alright-“

“Steve told me you’re in love with me,” you blurt, and Bucky stares at you.

You hadn’t meant to just say it. You’d been planning a large build up, where he’d accuse you of pitying him and you’d say I don’t pity you, I love you, and I know you love me too.

But his first few words had been barely a rasp. He was flushed all over his body, his breathing was somehow far too deep and shallow all at once, and you can see the muscles twitching in his body. He seems to be forcing himself to barely even shift on the bed, and the mattress is creaking under the weight of his metal arm.

He put the metal arm back on.

Based on how the sheets are stained and the blanket over his lap has shifted, you have a good idea why.

Your knees are a little weak from just the sight of him.

And it’s no longer just Bucky who needs the whole we’re both idiots, because I love you conversation out of the way quick.

“Steve fucking told you-“

“He didn’t know he was telling me.” Your voice is quick, your eyes widening slightly as you cut off Bucky’s growl. “I may have been, um, spying.”

Bucky scans you over slowly, and his mouth does the small curve that means he’s dangerously close to a real smile. “Spying doesn’t really sound like you,” he says your name, and where it would normally be a drawl it’s a growl. Your legs are going to give out. “Hydra blast you with something too?”

“I’m branching out.” You mumble, playing with the fabric of your shirt and forcing yourself to hold his gaze. “Are you? In love with me?”

Bucky’s nostrils flare, and he’s watching you like he thinks you’ll disappear. Like he’s certain you’re a trick or lie or something sent to hurt him, but he’d really like you to be real.

You’d like to be real. For Bucky, you’d like to be almost anything.

And he nods, and you’re lucky the adrenaline and fear for Bucky’s health are outweighing how your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

“How-“ You have to clear your throat, your voice weaker than you’d like. “How long?”

He suddenly won’t meet your eyes. “You gave me flowers.”

You blink at him. “Bucky, I don’t-“

“Steve was introducing me to everyone.” He mutters, bowing his head. “I don’t even know where you came from, but we turned a corner and you were just… there. Like you’d formed out of thin air or something. We startled you, and you screamed. Really loud.” You think your skin might be burning up, but Bucky’s voice has a soft sort of fondness to it that keeps you from exploding on the spot. “You were really pissed, yelling at Steve about how he should know better, and your hands were full. You handed me your flowers, and you shoved Steve. He didn’t budge, and that just made you angrier. Another flower grew out of the wall. You gave me that one too.”

“Oh.” You whisper, and Bucky just nods. “And you- when did you-“

“The moment you screamed.” He frowns at himself, shaking his head. “Not because of the scream, it was a- You weren’t afraid. You screamed but you were mostly just angry, and you gave me flowers. Helped that you were beautiful.”

You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“I-“ You swallow. “I thought you didn’t remember that. You asked me what my powers were-“

Bucky’s flush deepens. “Just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh.” You swallow, titling your head at him. “And- When you jumped in front of me-“

“Instinct.” He’s glaring at the floor like it’s personally responsible for this whole situation. “Didn’t think. Saw you were going to be hit. Jumped.”

His words are starting to become more and more clipped and strained, as if your very presence is bending him to a snapping point.

“That wasn’t very smart, Barnes.”

“I know.” He mumbles, shoulder dropping like he’s trying to cave in on his own body, and you sigh.

“But I get it. And I- I just don’t want- I need you, Bucky. Don’t do that again.“

He nods, you don’t think he actually heard you, and you need him to look at you.

When you take a careful step forward, he glances up, but it’s weary.

“You grabbed my mug.” You whisper, giving him plenty of time to stop you before you’re standing between his legs. He doesn’t, and you take his face in your hands, your smile widening as he stares at you. “It felt like I- I could’ve died, Bucky. It was… Very big.”

It’s a strange thing to say, but there’s no other way to describe the true mass and power of how fast your love for Bucky had hit you, how quick it had sunken into your bones and mixed with your blood, and how fast your entire body had been rewritten with that knowledge as code. You love Bucky.

It’s just as natural as you need to breathe air.

He seems to understand, because he nods slowly, but it quickly turns into shakes of his head, limited between your hands.

“You don’t have to do this-“

“I don’t.” You shrug, holding his gaze. “But I’m going to. Because I love you.”

He grunts, his body almost vibrating under your touch, a visible spasm wracking his body at the words. “I- Not like this.” His words are barely audible, pushed through his teeth. “It shouldn’t be like this.”

“Bucky-“

“No. I’m not- I could hurt you. I’m not going to fucking hurt you.”

You sigh. “You can’t hurt me-“

He lets out a dry laugh. “As romantic as that is, doll, I very much can hurt you-“

“No. You literally cannot hurt me.” You raise your brows at him, your voice flat. “I’m invulnerable.”

He blinks at you, and somehow goes redder. “Oh. Right. That- I forgot.”

You giggle, running your fingers through his hair and he scowls.

“There are million assholes with a million powers, how the hell am I supposed to keep track-“

“I’m not laughing at you, Buck. You’re cute.” You smile at him, and all the tight annoyance vanishes from him expression in a single second. He’s staring at you again.

And no one’s ever looked at you like that. Like you’re maybe brighter and more critical than the sun, and you’re pulling them in stronger than the moon and the tides.

But he’s still shaking under your touch. And fuck, up close you feel even weaker. You can see every flex of his muscles, every bit of desire in his blown-out eyes and expression, the way he’s poking through the sheets over his lap and how there’s already a dark spot of pre-cum forming a stain-

You cough, your head already going a little hazy. “I want to help, Bucky. I really do, and you won’t hurt me, but if you really don’t want it, I’ll go-“

You’re falling forwards before you know what’s happening. And any yelps or squeaks of surprise are swallowed as Bucky slams his mouth into yours, and everything else in the world fades to humming color.

Everything becomes second to this.

To Bucky.

He mostly tastes like salt from the sweat dripping down his body, but under that is a heavy, strong thing that might just be him. His tongue shoved down your throat and his hands gripping your hips like a lifeline, every low and feral grunt that rumbles through his chest making you moan down into his mouth.

Nothing about this is controlled or careful. It’s teeth and spit and brutal want, bubbling up and bursting over as he nips at your lower lip and you start to grind down against him, his touch starting to wander and squeeze at the skin of your back and ass and thighs, the touch of his metal hand soothing as you scratch at his shoulder, the heat of your bodies feeling strong enough to start a small fire. Bucky’s whole arm wraps around your waist, pinning you to his chest, and when your hands fist in his hair his hips jerk up, the bump of his cock against your core making you almost melt into his body.

He’s throbbing. With the barrier of the sheets gone you can feel every inch of him wedged between your legs, and God, he’s so hard you’d think he was just a stick if you couldn’t feel every jump and twitch of his cock against your clothed thighs.

“Bucky-“ You force yourself to pull back, keep your brow pressed to his as your hips continue to roll against him. “We- Fuck, I-“

Words are a little too far away, and it doesn’t help that he won’t stop kissing you. He’s in pain and you need to fix it, but he also keeps sucking and licking over your jaw and cheeks, he’s dropping down to just bury his face in your throat, and this isn’t about you but fuck, that feels good-

You give up on words. You’ve spoken enough for now, and right now you just need to-

Bucky grunts your name as you push him off of your neck, squirming back until you’re falling to your knees before him.

“What’re you-“

You trace one hand up his thigh, trying not to spend too much time marveling at his dick. You’ve dreamed of this moment, devoted whole long and boring meetings and sleep cycles to it, and it’s still better than you’d imagined.

He’s perfect. Not big enough that you’re worried for your health, but enough that you might need to be carried around tomorrow. And he’s thick, and firm in your hand, and when you swipe your thumb over the weeping head of him, Bucky makes a sound that settles right between your legs-

“You don’t-“ He groans as you pump him once, twice, squeezing at the base of his cock and rubbing his thigh with your free hand. “Jesus, this- you’re not playing fair, doll-“

You smile up at him, and you’ve really never seen anything better than Bucky’s wrecked and desperate expression, his hair sticking to his brow and his jaw clenched so tight you’re shocked he’s able to speak.

“I think you’ll live,” you whisper, letting your hand drift down to cup his balls. “And I want to.”

Something like wonder glows behind Bucky’s eyes as he hisses your name, and the sound quickly turns to the loudest, most primal sound you’ve ever heard as you take him in your mouth in one movement.

You set a quick and even pace, bobbing up and down his cock until he’s bumping the back of your throat before pulling almost all the way off and licking a long stripe along the underside. It only takes a moment for Bucky’s hand to shoot in your hair, not guiding your movements but almost trying to keep you steady around him, his grip tightening every time you squeeze and play with his balls, his movements still painfully controlled against you.

He needs not to hold back. You don’t want him to hold back.

You reach back to hold his hand on your head—it’s the right one, and you make a comfortable bet that it’s on purpose—tangling your own fingers in his, and you start to move. Properly fucking your own face against him, squeezing his hand in silent encouragement whenever you almost choke on him, grinding your hips near his calf in silent encouragement.

Bucky moans you name when you swallow against the tip of his cock, and it’s a final warning.

You moan around him, and that’s it.

He starts to slam up into you, and you have to grab his knee to keep balance, tracing small circles with your thumb to let him know you’re okay.

You’re more than okay. Every sound Bucky makes is slurred and unintelligible, but you can get the idea. It’s odd combination of your name and praise, all sparking further heat in your gut as Bucky grows sloppy, his cock jumping and twitching in your throat.

He roars your name as he cums down your throat, and you need to hear that sound again. It spurs on your desperate grinding—half against the air, your clit bumping against Bucky’s leg if you get the right movement—and you barely manage to swallow all of his release before he’s pulling you off his cock and hauling you back up like you weigh nothing.

The kiss he moves you into—your body curled back on his lap, your legs wrapping around his waist—is a little softer than before, and you think you managed to take just a slightly edge off his problem. It’s still devouring and deep and filled with so much passion you might cum just from the feeling of Bucky’s tongue tracing over your lips and teeth and throat, but it’s slower.

“So fucking good, doll.“ His voice is a growl down your throat, and you wiggle in his hold, every bit of your own need suddenly slams into your body. “God- Don’t know how I got you, but I’m never- Wanna keep you-“

You nod, not really registering anything but Bucky saying your name and a warm feeling of good. Bucky and good, that’s burning and rolling around in your chest and stomach.

“You like that?” Bucky squeezes at your ass, and you whimper. “I’m gonna take care of you, sweet girl, make you feel just as good as I felt, seeing those gorgeous lips wrapped around my cock-“

You’re not sure how he’s capable of speech right now, but he’s talking and it’s ignite every fiber of your body, and you can only barely shake your head, pulling at his hair as you try to drag yourself together, because this isn’t about you-

The sound that leaves you when Bucky flips you over—pinning you between his body and the mattress—isn’t dignified or coherent, but you don’t really care. Not as his knee moves between your legs and your clothing gets ripped off of your skin in effective and feral movements, leaving you a puddle of need and loud moans beneath Bucky’s touch.

He’s hard again. You can feel him poking against your lower stomach as he kisses you into a dazed and high mess, and it must be painful but you still can’t really figure out how words work. How to say anything that isn’t a loud moan of Bucky.

You try to squirm, to off him at least a little friction because this is supposed to be about him, but his metal hand traps your hips, halting your every movement as he hauls himself up.

He’s just staring at you. You’re drooling a little, your chest heaving as you try to get in a breath, and your hands are still tangled in his hair for balance.

You’re lying down, but you need balance.

Because Bucky rolls his knee against your bare pussy, and your back arches off the bed with a gasp that makes his eyes flash, his dick pulsing right on your skin-

“Please-“ The word is barely audible, but it’s all you can manage. “Bucky, I- You need to-“

He nods, diving down to a long, heavy kiss and groaning as you try to grind up into him, but then he’s gone.

Not gone.

Moving down to settle between your legs, his breath hot over your cunt and his eyes wholly black as he takes in the mess between your legs.

“Wait, Buc-“ You whine as he pulls your legs further apart, the metal hand dragging two fingers between the soaked folds of your pussy. “Shit- You don’t- This is supposed to be about you-“

“This is about me.” He grunts, his right hand trailing slowly up your inner thigh, and when you crane your neck to look at him there’s almost a fascination on his face. “Said you’d feel good.”

“I do- I am good-“ Your hips fly off the mattress as he kisses right over your clit, and the metal arm moves to pin you back against the mattress. “You don’t need-“

He latches his lips over your clit, sucking and licking as his free thumb presses right over your entrance, and you choke on the air.

“Bucky- fuck-“

“Want to,” he growls, the sound humming and deep and right over your pussy, and you can’t gasp his name enough. “Hold on.”

Your hands blindly follow his order, one fisting in his hair as the other grips his metal arm, and you’re not sure how you don’t black out.

There’s something a little clumsy to his movements–decades without practice will do that—but that only seems to make it better. He’s not calculated and deliberate. You’re not a mission or a means to an end.

Bucky eats your pussy like he wants to. Like he’s been starved for it, and there’s nothing more he needs in the world. It’s not gentle but it’s attentive, he’s keeping you right on the edge—pulling his hand away and replacing it with his tongue, letting his nose bump you clit until he moves back to pumping his fingers in and out of your fluttering cunt—and you can hear the bed start to squeak as his own hips rut against the mattress.

You try to moan his name, but you can’t think, so all that comes out is a high, needy whine.

He understands. His metal hand moves to tangle with yours, grounding you slightly as you hang right over the edge of release, and when his finger crook on that one, sensitive spot deep inside of you, fireworks burst in over your body as you cum with a strangled scream.

Bucky makes a deep sound against your pussy as you start to roll in his hold, and you don’t get a chance to catch your breath before he’s crashing back up to your mouth.

He moans your name against your lips, his cock pressed right against your still fluttering cunt, and you nod.

“Now,” you manage to whisper, spreading your legs widen in a silent invitation. “Bucky, need more-“

Whatever amount of control he’d had only a few minutes ago is almost completely. Bucky flips you onto your stomach without effort, hauling your ass into the air with firm but gentle hands, and slams himself into you with one movement. You gasp as he bottoms out, and he doesn’t move.

Somehow Bucky manages to still have enough of a hold over himself to give you time to adjust, even if it’s not without effort. You can hear the low grunts leaving him as he half folds himself over your body, kissing slowly up your spine and resting his brow on your shoulder, his breathing ragged and sharp as you clench around his cock.

“Fuck-“ Bucky hisses your name, shaking his head. “Can’t do that, I’m not-“ You do it again, and he moans. A real, loud moan. “You’re- fuck-“

“Please,” you wiggle your ass against him, and his hands tense on your body. “I- I’m good-“

“Yeah, you are.” His mutter is filled with low wonder, and it just makes you squeak. “You want it, babydoll?”

You moan, nodding stupidly. “Yes-“

The word is barely out of your mouth before Bucky starts to move, and you’ve never been higher. He’s in so deep, and you’re fuller than you’ve been in your life, and drunk on how big he is, how he hits every right spot and how he keeps grunting low praise and moaning your name against your skin-

You bury your face in the sheets to try and muffle your whines of desperation and Bucky’s hand catches your jaw, turning your head to capture your lips in a long, searing kiss as he hammers into you.

“Bucky-“

“Feel so good,” he mutters again your lips, thrusting with a brutal movement and groaning when you squeeze around his cock. “Jesus, you’re so good, doing so well, pretty girl, so fuckin’ close-“

The Brooklyn accent is coming out, and his words are starting to slur, and you only manage to moan down his throat in a silent plea of more.

Bucky’s pace picks up into uncontrolled and frantic movements, his skin slapping against yours as his metal arm snaked around your stomach and his fingers start to rub furious, impossibly fast circles around your clit-

Your second orgasm slams into you like a tidal wave, and the only thing in the world is the dizzying and perfect pleasure washing over your body as Bucky roars your name, something warm filling you up and dripping down your thighs with your own release.

Bucky tries to move away—pulling out and pushing off of where he’s wrapped himself around your body—but you grab his arm, keeping him splayed over you.

“Need to clean you up-“

“I’ll be okay,” you mumble, a dazed smile covering your lips as you reach back, trailing your finger through his hair. “Stay.”

He pauses, but only for a second. Then his weight is settles back over your body, and everything is alright.

Bucky’s alright. His cock in still twitching and jumping near your ass, and you think it’ll take a while to fully fuck the bioweapon out of his system, but you’re more than up to the task. For now you can just drown in his warmth, half petting his hair and humming as his lips trail over your shoulder in featherlight kisses.

“Did you mean it?”

You twist your head, a small frown on your face. “Mean-“

“The-“ He sighs, staring at you like he’s trying to pry something inside of you out. “The thing.”

“That I love you?”

Bucky’s throat bobs, and he nods.

“Of course I did.” You whisper, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth that takes only second to turn into Bucky rolling your onto your back, his tongue pressing on your lower lip in a silent request-

You push on his chest slightly, holding his gaze as he pulls back with a frown.

“Did you mean it?”

He looks almost offended. “Yeah, I meant it. I’ve never meant anything more-“

You tug him back down, and that can be the end of it for now. It could be the end of it forever, and you’d be happy.

You don’t need a long explanation about it. You don’t need justifications for why neither of you ever said anything, or to repeat it until you both believe it.

You already believe it. And telling Bucky won’t do anything, so you’ll just have to spend a long, long time showing him.

And as long as you have that time, with Bucky, you’ll be happy.

End Note: Love making Steve talk about pocket pussies. That's an America I want to be a part of <3

If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

Taglist

@foolinthera1n @globetrotter28 @lordofthunderthr @Youdontknowe @panicking-outside-the-disco

@Ambiguous-avery @generalmoonpolice @foxyjwls007 @ilovedeanwinchester4 @tiana-kh

@woaheasytig3r @winchester-whiskey @jsudsgf @deans-yn @jofinka

@megara0224 @funkenniffler @disappearintofanfiction

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athenalvss · 17 days ago

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WHAT DID YOU BUY? (Bruce Wayne!)

Summary: there is a problem in the surveillance system and Bruce isn't responding to the league's messages, so they go looking for him at Wayne Manor.

pairing: Bruce wayne x wife!reader

note: idk I liked the idea of bruce's wife being a bombshell, I'm seriously thinking about doing some sort of series on this topic

open request - Bruce wayne masterlist - hot wife serie

"You know, I don't think he's in trouble," Hal said, arms crossed, staring at the enormous gate of Wayne Manor. "Maybe one of his kids knocked something over on the computer and made a mess."

"Exactly!" Barry exclaimed, pointing at him as if he'd just solved a mystery. "And here we are, ringing the bell like two idiots."

There was strange interference in the global surveillance system. The Tower's sensors indicated a jammed signal coming directly from the Batcomputer. Diana was the first to send Bruce a direct message, one, two, three times. No response.

"It's weird" she had said.

"It's Bruce Wayne" Hal replied. "Weird is normal."

So they decided to act. Better safe than sorry. In less than a minute, they were in Gotham, standing at the entrance to the mansion.

"And Alfred?" Hal asked, ringing the bell again. "He always opens quickly."

"Maybe he's on vacation? Seeing the Caribbean?" Barry offered. Hal glared at him.

Diana, standing with her arms crossed, said nothing. Her expression was serene but alert.

Soft footsteps echoed behind the door until it opened, was this heaven?

You opened the door. You were barefoot, wearing a black silk robe loosely tied at the waist, the fine fabric leaving little to the imagination. Your hair was loose, a little messy compared to how they usually see you, and it fell over your shoulders. Your eyes were a little glossy, as were your lips, and you had that soft voice they'd already known... but never so closely.

"Is something wrong?" you asked, tilting your head slightly, as if the sight of two League members at your door wasn't at all strange.

It took Hal three seconds to blink. Barry made a sound that didn't sound human. Diana, thankfully, took back control. "Is Bruce available? There was a glitch in the Batcomputer signal. We're trying to contact him."

"Ah... yeah, I guess," you said, reaching up to straighten your robe, which clearly didn't help anyone's concentration. "I was using the Batcomputer... Bruce wanted to get me a present, and the computer there is really fast. Luckily, I was able to buy the lingerie I wanted."

Barry rolled his eyes at the ceiling as if that would save him. Hal blinked twice. Nothing changed. You were still there. In that robe. In that voice. With that damn confidence that made everything feel even worse. How could you talk about lingerie shopping in front of them so casually?

"And you shut down the system?" Diana asked, with the calmness of someone already accustomed to these situations.

"Maybe" you acknowledged with a half smile, lowering your gaze for just a second. "I'm not a big fan of Bruce's operating system. I shut everything down, and well... apparently I blocked an entire global surveillance network."

"And Bruce?" Diana asked, just as calmly.

"He went back to sleep" you replied. "He was up late... work stuff. You guys understand."

"Work, for sure" Hal repeated, without thinking.

You raised an eyebrow. "What else would we do until late, Hal?"

Hal opened his mouth to reply, but Barry jabbed him with an elbow so hard he nearly knocked him off balance. “Nothing! Nothing! You were probably working. You guys… do that. Work. A lot. All the time,” Barry said, his smile strained, his ears red to the roots.

Diana sighed with a hint of resignation and began to enter the house without waiting for further authorization. "We better check quickly. We don't want to interrupt... Bruce's rest."

"Oh, don't worry," you said sweetly as you moved away from the door frame. "He doesn't sleep much."

Just then, Bruce appeared at the top of the stairs. Shirtless. Hair all messed up. And a glare straight at Barry and Hal. "What are you doing here?"

“We thought you were in danger,” Barry said, seeming to evaporate.

Bruce stepped down slowly, crossing his arms. "I'm not in danger. What's in danger is your continued presence in this house."

You giggled, walking casually toward him. You stopped beside him and smoothed his hair, not caring about any witnesses.

"Sorry, love, I opened the door for you. I thought it was Alfred."

Diana, flawless as ever, continued, “The Batcomputer showed a signal of interference. You weren’t responding. We came to make sure you were okay.”

Bruce took another step down. His eyes slid toward you. “Was that you?”

"I'm sorry, love. I accidentally locked everything" you said, your voice so sweet any other man on the planet would have melted.

"So you've decided, what did you buy?" Bruce asked, before his brain could intercept the impulse.

You turned your head slowly, with a lethal smile. "Lingerie. Do you want to see?"

Bruce simply raised an eyebrow. “Jordan, Allen. Three seconds.”

"We're leaving now!" Hal said, pushing Barry toward the door with a desperation unworthy of a Green Lantern.

"Thank you for your hospitality! Sorry for existing!" Barry said, tripping over a rug.

The door slammed shut. The echoes in the hallway hadn't yet died away when Bruce let out a deep sigh, tired but clearly resigned to his fate.

You laughed softly, and before you could say anything, he had already taken you by the waist and lifted you up in his arms with that naturalness that always left you breathless. "Shall we go back to bed, Mr. Wayne?"

"Not until you show me what you ordered from Paris, Mrs. Wayne."

#dc masterlist #bruce wayne x reader #imagine bruce wayne #dc x reader #batman x reader #imagine batman #batman masterlist #batman fluff #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x fem!reader

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kissbabie · 2 months ago

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cheating on his girlfriend with you !

you know it’s wrong to fuck your childhood best friend, especially when he has a girlfriend, but with the way his cock is impaling your tight hole right now, all logic leaves your brain as you’re reduced to a dumb, cockdrunk slut who’s slurring words together and begging for more.

“shit, your pussy’s so tight, baby… should’ve done this sooner..”, he grunts, to which you can only reply with moans and strings of incoherent babbles, like “uh huh, uh huh—! love your cock so muccchhhh…

you’ve been in love with him forever, but he seems to have never noticed. in fear of losing your friendship, you ultimately decided not to say anything, but it absolutely killed you when he got a girlfriend.

although tonight, he was surprised to find you in your home, crying while whining about how much you want him, and considering how he’s been getting so annoyed of his girlfriend, it doesn’t take much effort for him to rip your clothes off and stretch you out on his dick. truthfully, he’s always loved you as well, but he just never knew how to bring it up.

which is how you ended in your current predicament, or rather, position. he’s got your legs folded up to your chest, cock pistoling in and out of you at a rough pace as he watches the way his dick forms a bulge in your stomach, groaning at the mere sight of your tiny hole being all fucked open by him. you’ve came so much already, and he’s so pent up that he’s been going at it for what feels like eternity.

“gonna break up with her, i swear… i swear baby… you’re so much better than her, pussy’s so warm… just wanna stay inside forever— mm, you want that? fffucckk, needed you for so long..” he pants, rambling on and on as he loses himself in the feeling of your warm cunt wrapped around him, your walls fluttering and twitching as you squeeze him so well.

whenever he fucks his girlfriend, it’s a huge risk because he almost, always, moans your name before he stops himself just in time. he really only cums when he closes his eyes and thinks of how you would look, taking him in your mouth or squirming while he pounds you and makes you take everything. when she’s asleep afterwards, he gets hard again thinking of you and how pretty you are. it’s a chore to even engage in intimacy with his girlfriend, because he feels nothing for her and everything for you, and it pisses him off to no extent when the girl underneath him is her and not you. so now that he’s finally got you, the one he’s been in love with for years, he doesn’t plan on letting go.

“ ‘m so full,” eyes rolling back as you whine. “feels so good—! so deep.. can’t—!”

he slams into you harder. “god, been wanting this pussy for years.. came inside her while thinking it was you taking all my cum, thought about you while fucking my fist.”

“huh—! me?” you sob, barely able to speak. “then why— why’d you stay with her?”

“.. didn’t think you wanted me.”

“i always wanted you!” you whimper. “thought about you while touching myself.. wanted to feel you inside me so bad..”

he mutters, “yeah? had to fuck her in the dark to pretend it was you.”

“i didn’t— didn’t know! hnghhh.. ‘s not fair.. should’ve been me taking all your cum.. not her.. only want you to fuck me on your cock—! don’t want you filling anybody else up, only me..”

“yeah, baby?” he whispers. “don’t worry— shit— ‘m gonna fill you up so much, okay? you want that?”

you hastily nod your head, tears spilling down your cheeks. “please, please—! need it, wanna feel you fill me up, have it leaking ‘cus it’s too much..”

“want me to fix it, huh? shit… don’t worry, okay? gonna stuff this pretty pussy until all that pain goes away..”

his thrusts are rough and start getting more sloppy, until he finally cums, burying himself in you and filling you up just as he promised. he’s panting, groaning while your pussy clenches around him as ropes of hot, thick cum fill you up. he whines, loud and voice cracking as he whimpers “fuck, i love you— i love you, baby, i love you..”

you’re in such a daze, feeling him pumping his cum endlessly into you. in fact, the both of you are so messed up and drunk on each other right now that you don’t even realize the way his phone lights up with text messages from his girlfriend, asking him where he is, to please come home, and that she loves him.

for this req

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ch-4-eri · 11 months ago

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Slut — Abby Anderson.

Best friend!Abby X fem!Reader.

I need help, perhaps. Smut under the cut.

You and your best friend Abby were having a girls night of some sort, she often came by because her dorm is packed and she’d say it’s uncomfortable or whatever.

Accepting any excuse she had you’d allow her to stay over, sharing the bed with her almost every night.

You liked having her around, she was fun and your friendship was the most invasive one there is, at least in your own opinion, you both knew too much about each other.

But would never judge the other.

Especially with Abby being on top of you as you got so needy one night, her fingers pumping in and out of you, your moans echoing in the bedroom, you’d begged her to relieve the tension between your legs.

It’s always when you’re ovulating, it gets bad enough you’re humping every pillow, your fingers, but nothing was ever enough.

And as Abby came over that night, desperate for a place to sleep where it’s comfortable, you were too busy in your own head to just let this one go, her hands were perfect, you couldn’t stop looking at them as you were finally honest about your feelings, desperately wanting something to feed the hunger inside of you.

Abby fucking loved it, she’s always thought you were beautiful, sure she’s straight but it wouldn’t hurt to help a best friend out.

Her fingers deliciously massaged your g spot as you were seeing stars, your mouth hung open as moans escaped your throat without you trying to help it, it’s Abby after all. “Oh sweetheart..” Abby chuckled, allowing you to ride her fingers out, circling your needy hole with her thick fingers, your legs spread against your mattress.

Abby dragged multiple orgasms out of you that night, she refused to stop unless you wanted her to, she went all the way with your time of need, knowing you were too damn shy to go out on a date and get a guy to rearrange your guts, but allowing your girl best friend to do so.

You didn’t get enough, you still wanted so much more and Abby could never be able to say no to you, her mouth was enveloping your cunt as she ate you out, riding her face as her nose hit that one spot that had you screaming and cumming down on her tongue.

Still was not enough, Abby was surprised you could take so much. She always assumed you’d get tired from one go, but oh boy was she wrong.

You’d ride her thigh, her hands on your hips guiding you through the fifth orgasm for the night, your crying and whining was like music to her ears, surely best friends wouldn’t act this way but your friendship was else. And Abby is way too busy shoving her knee into your cunt as you rode her out once again to think about it, your moans were louder than ever.

“Jesus, bunny.. you fucking slut.” Abby mocked you, laughing into your neck breathlessly as your hips rolled once again to fuck into her thigh.

She grabbed the back of your neck to look into your eyes. “Can’t get enough huh? Makes me wish I had a dick so I can go all the way.” She mumbled, kissing the side of your neck as it turned you into a puddle of cum. “Abby..” you moaned, your cunt dragging up and down her toned thigh.

“Sit on my face huh?” Abby suggested, the thought of her tongue inside of you again was blinding and you nodded eagerly. “Yes please, oh god please.” You whined, your whimpers were turning her on so bad, she came twice just by pleasuring you.

Abby lied down on your bed, quickly crawling to sit on her face, the feeling of her nose was too good, you were a shuddering mess, finally feeling that sensitivity that would get you to stop and take a breath, but one last time, you needed this, needed her.

Her tongue was working wonders on your sensitive bundle of nerves, making your moans more strained, closing your thighs in on her head. “Fuck.. Abby..” you cried, rolling your hips to ride her face. “Fuck uh..” you moaned again as Abby flicked her tongue against your clit and it made you grab her hair and ride her face harder. Soft uh uh uh uh’s echoing in the bedroom.

Gushing all you had down Abby’s face, your cum dripping down her cheeks and her nose, as soon as you pulled away from her face Abby just laughed, mostly surprised her best friend was that much of a freak.

She knew certain stuff about you, but never like this, and getting proof? Abby was ecstatic, she’s never going to live this one down.

You finally caught your breath and looked at her next to you, she was wiping her face with her hands, licking what’s left off her lips. “Stop laughing.” You warned, closing your legs as the amount of friction was catching up in no time.

“My goodness you’re a freak!” Abby laughed some more, copying the way you were moaning as you smacked her arm. “Stop!”

“Who fucking knew! Bunny, I never imagined you’re that loud.” Abby laughed some more, standing up, fixing her trousers, she was definitely affected by this but oh how she loves teasing you, now she has a better reason.

You sat up on your elbow and huffed. “I was pent up okay?” You said defensively. “For a year?” Abby jokes, letting out another hearty laugh.

“Oh fuck you.” You say and smack her with a pillow, her face a little shiny from your cum, the reality of what just happened was making you a bit shy but again it was Abby, so much history and stuff worse than cumming on her face occurring.

She helped you clean up as you both laughed at what just happened, your friendship is indeed else.

#abby anderson #abby anderson tlou2 #abby tlou #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby anderson smut #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x y/n

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marvelwitchergilmore · 2 months ago

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Dog Tags (3)

Summary: Bucky Barnes x fe!Reader -> When a mission goes wrong, Bucky gets his Dog Tags back.

Disclaimer: This is part three for one and two. Mentions of serious injuries, blood and being hospitalised. Angst, bit of fluff here and there, hurt/comfort, Bucky stays by reader's side. Sam giving Bucky his own reality check, platonic!Wanda, swearing. Left kinda open ended in case I decide to write part four? Not Proof Read.

Bucky stared down at the dog tags in his hands, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the blood stained letters. He had to take a deep breath before the tears started flowing again.

You were meant to be on a simple recon mission. You’d done them a thousand times. Maybe you’d come back with a bruise or two, but you still came back.

This time, his phone had rung throughout his room just as the clock turned 4:00 am. An agent had found the tags on her person. They knew they weren’t hers, but they were definitely someone’s.

Bucky had gotten to the hospital in under an hour. You’d still been in surgery by the time he arrived, but the nurses had brought out your personal belongings in a large plastic bag.

Your clothes; blood stained to hell. Your Shield issued weapons were empty of bullets. Whatever had happened, you’d emptied your clip, plus your three backups. Your knife lay at the bottom of the bag, stained with blood, too.

Bucky couldn’t work out if it was yours or someone else's. But he did know one thing for certain. The blood that lay splattered over his tags, as he pulled the chain from the bag, was yours. You never wore them outside of your uniform. You kept them close to your chest. It couldn’t be anyone else's.

Bucky had left a message at Hill’s desk, as well with Sam explaining what had happened. What he knew, at least. Hill was sending someone to the mission base to find out more.

“Mr Barnes?”

Bucky took in a deep breath as he stood up, clasping the tags in his palm. Maybe if he squeezed tightly enough, he’d be able to feel you.

“Yes.”

“Your wife is now out of surgery. We’ll be keeping her under observation for the foreseeable, but once she’s situated in a room, you’ll be able to sit with her.” The Doctor told him.

Bucky just nodded. “Do you know what happened?”

“I know it’s not common, but I’ll bring you her more detailed medical chart.” They told him. “There was too much extensive damage to talk about off the top of my head.”

Those words hit Bucky in the chest, harder than anything else had ever done.

“But she’ll-” Bucky couldn’t bring himself to talk.

The Doctor just nodded. “She’s going to need a lot of physical therapy. Thankfully nothing broke within her legs, but the damage to her muscles will make her training a lot harder than it should be for a while.”

Bucky nodded.

“But she’ll be okay.”

“Thank you.”

The Doctor nodded. “Thank you for the tags.”

Bucky was a little confused as he followed the doctor’s finger, pointing to his hand. The dog tags? Why was she thanking him for the dog tags?

“If your wife hadn’t been wearing them, we wouldn’t have known who to contact.”

Wife.

Bucky felt himself chuckle inside. If you were awake and could hear the doctor now, you’d have probably made some disgusted eye roll and comment over being even associated with him.

“Oh, yeah.”

The Doctor smiled. “I’ll come and get you when she’s ready.”

“Thank you.”

She just nodded with another soft smile before walking away. Twenty minutes later, he was being walked down the hallway where he stood outside of your room for ten minutes before opening up the door.

You had at least a dozen wires hooked up to you, aside from the standard hospital gear. Bucky just stared at the monitor for a while, watching your heartbeat print onto paper.

Eventually, he sat in the chair beside your bed and looked at you. In that moment, he’d give anything to have you yell at him. Cuss him out, threaten him, roll your eyes…anything.

“They…” Bucky cleared his throat, looking down at the tags in his hand. “They told me you should still be able to hear me…and that talking helps. I know you’re probably mad it’s me who’s here, but you can’t blame me for this one, doll.”

A weak chuckle escaped Bucky’s lips as he looked from his hand and to your sleeping frame. “They think we’re married, by the way. Mostly because of the dog tags they found on you. I’ve…I’ve got em’ right here. They’re safe. You’re safe, doll. Just…just kinda need you to wake up soon. Maybe tell me to piss off. Not that I’d leave you anyway, but that’s kinda our thing, right? Fighting?”

Bucky went silent for a while as he looked at you.

“I need you to fight me, sweetheart.” Bucky told you. “So you’ve gotta mend and pull through all of this. Whatever happened out there in the field…that’s not the end of your story. It can’t be. I won’t let it.”

Bucky could hear your voice in his head. “You’d don’t have a choice in it, Barnes.”.

Bucky told you a few more things, like how he’d called both Hill and Sam. He told you that he’d text Wanda, “She’ll get it once she lands. I’m sure she’ll be flying through that window soon.”

But, eventually, he stopped talking. He just let the sound of your steady heart fill the room. It was proof you were still alive. You were still here.

On the days where Bucky couldn’t sit with you, Wanda took his place. Or Kate. Or Sam. On the odd occasion, Joaquin sat with you. Bucky had walked in on plenty of PowerPoint presentations of how his suit was better than Sam’s old one.

But when he did sit with you, his mind would wander to memories of you and him. Like the training room when he’d told you he knew you had his dog tags, or when he’d helped you when you got hurt a few months back.

But one stuck out to him in particular. Plenty stuck out to him as time ticked by, but he was reminded of this one as he looked at the side table beside your bed. Your knife lay on top, still in its protective covering.

Less than three weeks before you’d landed in hospital, Bucky had been training with you.

The main noises being made were grunts. As you hit his chest, as he knocked your legs down, as you twisted his arm, as he flipped you onto the mat, as you kicked his legs from beneath him, as you both rolled across the mats before you landed on top, trapping him in place.

“Give in yet?”

“Do you?”

You were about to question what he meant, but then you felt it. Cold and sharp; he had your knife, again. But this time, it was pointed against your side.

��What?” You hesitated for a second and looked away. Bucky took his opportunity.

In two simple moves, you were on your back staring up at him with your own knife gently pressed against your skin.

“Give in.”

You groaned and rolled your eyes at his glowing smirk. “Yes. Fine. Now get off me.”

Bucky chuckled and stood up, lowering his hand down to help you up. At first, you swatted it away. But he held it out again, “Come on.”

Reluctantly, you accepted it and he helped you stand. “You’re focusing too much. Too in your head. You need to relax.”

Bucky flipped the knife over in his hand so he was pinching the sharp blade. He handed it over to you and you swiped it up. “Thanks.” Your voice grunted a little before you placed your knife back in its place.

“You know, if you wanted to, you could train with me more often.” Bucky offered as he walked away. “I know you and I are…whatever we are. But I have training that isn’t exactly found in a Shield manual.”

“I’m fine.” You said, avoiding looking at him as he stood with his back to you. You had stared at him in this fashion one too many times. It was only a short time before someone caught you doing so. Even worse if it was Bucky.

“It’s not an issue. Hell, we don’t have to even talk-”

“I said I’m fine.” You didn’t mean to raise your voice when you spoke to him. You regretted it instantly. You sighed. “Look, I know you mean well. And, thank you. But I’m okay.”

Bucky watched you, over his shoulder. You walked away from the mats, grabbed your water bottle and sat down on one of the opposite benches.

“What is it?”

“What?”

“Do you have a problem with me or something?”

You sighed. “Bucky.”

“I get you and I don’t exactly get along-”

“I don’t have a problem with you,” you cut him off. “I just-”

You gave a short sigh. There were so many reasons why it wouldn’t work if he was the one to train you. He wouldn’t know it, but you’d become more distracted by him. And for some reason it was written into the heavens that if you and Bucky spent more than ten minutes alone together, things in the air started to get…close. Too close.

But the main thing was your undisclosed feelings for the super annoying, massive pain in your ass, super soldier. The longer you spent around him, so close to him, the harder they were getting to manage.

It was only a matter of time before he figured out the truth.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Can we just leave it at that? Please?”

Bucky watched you for a moment before nodding. “Okay. Forget I ever mentioned it.”

You just nodded.

Later that evening, Bucky had been with Wanda. And he’d been avoiding the topic of you ever since he walked through the front door.

“Did something happen between you two?” Wanda just flat out asked him.

“No. Nothing happened.”

“You’re sulking, so I know something happened.”

Bucky shrugged. “She just doesn’t want my help. I’ve tried being nice. But she’s just so…her. It’s annoying.”

Wanda nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna need more information than just…you not handling your school boy crush very well.”

“I don’t-” Bucky shut his mouth as he whipped his head around to look at Wanda. “I don’t like her like that.”

“Doesn’t like who?” Sam asked as he walked through the door.

“Bucky. Not liking Y/n.”

Sam just barked a laugh as he opened up the fridge and put his groceries away. “Ha! That’s a bullshit lie if I’ve ever heard one.”

“What-”

“Bucky,” Sam was practically laughing. “You’ve had a crush on her for god knows how long. I don’t know what twisted bullshit you both have going on that prevents you from talking like normal human beings, but even I know you saying you don’t like Y/n is nothing but a complete and utter bullshit lie.”

Bucky looked at Wanda for backup but she seemed to be on Sam’s side.

“You know, maybe if you…I don’t know…talked to her rather than fight her-”

“She fights me!”

Sam just looked at him. “You fight each other.”

“Maybe you should just try and talk to her,” Wanda told him. “Might just clear a few things up.”

Sam sat down on the arm of the chair. “You’ve had feelings for her for a long time, Buck. Maybe it’s time you did something about it.”

Bucky just sighed.

“How long have you guys been married?”

Bucky hadn’t noticed the nurse walk inside to your hospital room, at first. “Sorry?”

“I’m sorry to ask,” she apologised as she changed out your IV and drew some blood. “It’s just…I’ve seen a lot of couples pass through these doors and I’m yet to see ones with a connection like yours.”

Bucky sat up. The nurse could read the confusion on his face from a mile away.

She just stepped to the side and pointed at the print of the heart rate.

“See these spikes here?”

Bucky nodded.

“These are from when you’ve been with her. It’s good they’re going up. It means she’s recognising her surroundings. At the very least, the people in it. You’re healing for her.”

Bucky just looked at your still sleeping frame. He was helping you heal?

He was helping you heal?

The nurse smiled again. “How long have you two been married?”

“Not long,” Bucky answered. “But we’ve…we’ve known each other for years.”

The nurse smiled. “Who made the first move?”

Bucky thought for a moment. “She did. She saved my life.”

And you had.

You’d been one of the new agents placed with the team. In the middle of a forest, Bucky had noticed every tripwire save for one. As something came flying over head, you’d swiped his legs from underneath him and pinned him down.

“You’re welcome,” you whispered.

That had been the first time Bucky had met you. It had also been the first time he’d looked you in the eyes. He could have happily drowned there and then. Which scared him. More than he knew what to deal with.

“And now you’re here saving hers,” the nurse smiled. “I’ll be back in about an hour. Is there anything I can get you? Blankets, pillows?”

Bucky shook his head. “No, I’m okay. Thank you.”

“She’ll be okay, Mr Barnes.”

Bucky just nodded and watched as the nurse left. As he turned his head, that was when he noticed your chart. They still kept you as Y/n Barnes. Nobody, including Bucky, had bothered to correct them. If anything, it meant Bucky still learnt about your injuries and your healing process.

It also meant he got access to stay with you for as long as he wanted. Which, if he didn’t have to work and if Sam didn’t come and drag him outside every few hours, he’d stay the whole time.

It was a month or so more before you finally woke up.

When Bucky had gotten a text from Joaquin telling him to get to the hospital quickly, he’d dropped what he was doing and came running down the hallway of the hospital ten minutes later.

“What’s happening?”

“I-I don’t know.” Joaquin told him. “I was just holding her hand and she moved. Like, she squeezed my hand.”

“What?” Bucky moved past Joaquin and to your side, leaning his hand on the side headboard.

“Y/n? Hey, doll? Can you hear me?”

Bucky held your hand in his. Nothing happened. “I know you don’t like me all that much, but if you can hear me, can you try and squeeze my hand?”

Again, nothing.

Bucky looked at Joaquin.

“I didn’t dream it.”

Bucky looked back at you. For a split second, he pushed some of your hair from your face. “Doll, if you’re awake, please. I just need you to squeeze my hand.”

Again, nothing.

Until there was something.

“Go and get a nurse.”

“On it!” Joaquin practically flew out of the room.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Joaquin had been talking to you, telling you that you were gonna be okay. Then you heard Bucky’s voice which was quickly followed by a rough hand gently holding onto yours.

And when you finally opened your eyes, you saw him. Standing beside your bed, holding your hand, looking like the world had finally started moving again.

It was a few hours before you came around properly. And when you did, it felt a lot less hectic. Everything was peaceful and quiet. You had time to look around. There was a steady beeping somewhere.

A heart monitor.

You had different wires and tubes sticking out of you. The lights weren’t as bright as they’d been when you’d first woken up.

But the thing that caught your eye the most was the sleeping frame of Bucky, hunched over your bed. Then you felt it. His hand, still in yours.

You tried to squeeze his hand but eventually it hurt a little less and he stirred awake before shooting up.

“Hey, you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“How long have I been out?”

Bucky answered you honestly. “Almost two months. The damage was extensive. Can you remember anything?”

You just nodded. “I think I blacked out after the building collapsed because I don’t remember anything after that.”

Bucky stood and pressed a button on the headboard of your bed before sitting beside you, clasping your hand in his. If it had been any other time, you would have taken your hand right back.

But in that moment you needed comfort. You needed to feel safe.

You felt safe with Bucky.

But then you gasped. “Shit.”

“What? Are you hurt? What is it?”

You sat up and touched your chest and neck. “Your- your tags. I-”

Bucky just pulled the chain from his shirt. “There’s right here.”

You visibly relaxed but then you tensed as you watched Bucky remove them. “What are you doing?”

A small chuckle left him, “Just stay still, would you?”

“It’s not like I can exactly run away right now.”

Bucky smiled to himself before lifting the chain up and over your head. “There.”

You looked at him, wondering what he meant by all of it. “They’re your tags, Bucky.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “But I know they’re safe with you. They always looked better on you, anyway.”

Once Bucky knew you were okay, he’d wiped the rest of the tags clean. He’d been waiting to lay them back on you. He didn’t want to do it while you were sleeping. He needed you to fight him first.

He needed proof you were alive.

That was when the door opened and a nurse walked inside. “You’re awake! I must say, you nearly gave me and your husband a fright earlier. The doctor hadn’t predicted that you would wake up this early.”

You looked at Bucky and whispered, “Husband?”

“Just go with it,” he whispered back.

It wasn’t until an hour or so, when both the Doctor and nurse had left, that you spoke to Bucky again.

“You wanna tell me why we’re married?”

“They found my tags with you. They called me and…”

“You never corrected them?” You’d asked that question a lot calmer than Bucky had been expecting.

“It meant I got to stay with you longer. And that they’d tell me what was going on.”

“You didn’t need to do that, Bucky.”

Bucky was honest with you. “I’m glad they called me first.”

You hand clutched the tags dangling from your neck. “They really thought you were my husband?”

Bucky chuckled. “If anything, the tags made sure you came home.”

In the silence as you and Bucky looked at each other, you felt the coolness of the metal in your palm. His tags had brought you home. His tags had brought him to you. His dog tags made sure you weren’t alone. And something told you Bucky had the same idea.

Which was only confirmed when he attended almost every physio appointment with you.

“How’s she doing, doc?”

The physio smiled as they held their arms up, in case you fell. “She’s doing great.”

“She’s tired and pissed off.” You answered truthfully.

“If it makes you feel any better, I brought your favourite snacks from that store you and Kate found.”

Your hand gripped the two parallel bars as you slowly walked from one side to the other. “How the hell do you know about that store?”

“I asked Kate. She told me.”

As the phyio’s pager went off, Bucky offered to take over for a few minutes to help you. And, considering the medical staff still believed you and Bucky to be married, you’d both decided to just keep the act up.

So, slowly walking beside you in case you fell, Bucky helped you turn around and walk back down the parallel bars.

“How’ve you been feeling?”

“You mean other than tired and pissed off?”

“Yeah.”

“Sore,” you admitted. “Bored. I can’t wait to get back home.”

If Bucky was being honest, he would say the same thing. Even if you did spend more time fighting each other, he missed it. He missed you.

“Neither can I.” The honesty slipped out from Bucky before he could think about any awkward consequences.

You paused and looked at him. “What?” Your voice was a little softer than usual.

“What?” Bucky shrugged. He’d said it. There was no taking it back. “It’s boring without you. I get we might fight the whole time, but without you I’ve got no one to keep my ego in check.”

Bucky earned a laugh from you as you looked away to keep walking. And he laughed, too.

You had to admit. Laughing with Bucky rather than groaning was a nice change.

And it only got easier from there on out. Your groans had turned to laughter, your scowls had turned to smiles and the roll of your eyes had turned to tears of laughter.

And slowly, the same things happened for Bucky, too.

Eventually, the ten minute window you and Bucky spent together turned into twenty, then forty and before either of you knew it, hours had passed.

You were both together and, surprisingly, still alive.

Part Four

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puke-ur-gutz · 2 years ago

Text

what if i fr did it

#wordvomit #imagining my mom donating all my shit she hates looking at and getting her space back #imagining my people being able to spend time without being afraid im gonna jump down their throat and beg for company #imagining the relief when my name stops popping up in peoples spam #imagining all the burdens removed from the people whose lives im in #no more holiday gift stress #no more forced company stress #no more shitty meaningless unfunny commentary #no more big complicated taxxing tiresome feelings and problems #and pointless venting #no more noise #i cant bc then id be a pos but like damn #i get it im hysterical and dramatic and creating proboems out of nothing and ive never known true stress or pain in my life #and everything i feel is tiresome meaningless garbage for you to roll your eyes at while you tell me how im wrong #i could yell about this forever in theory

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spidybaby · 12 days ago

Note

do you take f1 requests? if u do, please do a Lando x reader where reader is his personal assistant and he likes her but hides it by being mean until one day he sees her talking with other driver during an event and decided to confess and u can choose the way it ends pls

Personal Assistant

Summary: Lando hides his feelings behind cruel words until he is forced to let the truth out.

Warnings: cursing

A/N: Hi, I want to say that I don't know much about F1, so I did my best with this request. If I got something wrong, sorry. Hope you like it 🥺💛

"You are late, again." Lando says, looking at you from the sofa. "Do you have my breakfast?"

You nod, still out of breath. You show him the paper bag, smiling at him, moving quickly to the kitchen to serve the food in a plate.

You have to be careful, he has this way of eating his food that if anything mixes, it will cause a disturbance on his day.

You place the plate and drink in front of him, moving back to get the bread and fork. You notice he's reading something on social media.

"Did you have any chance of reading the schedule I made for the trip?" You ask him, handing him the fork. "I talked to your manager, and he says that it's good."

He looks at you, not answering. Instead, he goes for a bite of the food. You hold the urge to roll your eyes.

"It needs salt." He says, waving at you.

You nod, walking to the kitchen to get the salt. You take a deep breath before walking back, already stressed, and it was only 8 am.

"Carlos called, he wants to know if you want to go to dinner with him when you land in Barcelona."

He nods, turning the tv on. "Did you book Magui's tickets?"

"About that." You whisper, looking at your phone. "They only have tourist class on the day she wants to come."

"Well, then fix it." He shrugs. "Or it's on you to tell her that she can't come because you don't know how to do your job."

"I-" you wanted to reply, but you shut your mouth. Knowing that this was something he wanted.

"You what?" He smirks, looking at you.

"I'll do my best to find her a better seat." You say, wanting to punch him. "Do you need anything else? I need to pick your clothes from the dry clean."

He shakes his head, continuing with eating and watching tv. You turn back to the door, grabbing your bag and the ticket you left on the counter, next to your bag.

"Actually, Y/n." He calls before you close the door.

You quickly turned, getting your head inside so he could see you. "Yes?"

"Can you help me look for my green hoodie?"

You nod, walking back inside to look for his hoodie. You walk inside the room, noticing the mess.

"Fuck." You whisper, knowing that you need to schedule for the cleaning services to come when hes out. "The green one you say?" You ask from the room.

"And the baby blue one."

You frown, walking to the closet. You take one look at the closet and feel the anger inside. It was a disaster.

You just organized it per Lando's request to do so. You organize it just like he likes it, hoodies on one side, jackets in other, pants and joggers separated.

You sigh, not being able to complain to what he did to your organization. You grab the piles of hoodie, remembering to check with him if he wanted to get rid of anything.

You spend a good twenty minutes looking through the piles of clothes, you search the dirty laundry basket, nothing.

You then think that he did have a green one, but you can't point to the baby blue one. Maybe it was a new one he got recently, and you can't remember.

You take another fifteen minutes re checking the entire closet, searching the suitcases he has that sometimes have unpacked clothes.

When you turn to find him looking at you. "You scared me." You whisper, hand on your chest.

He smirks, walking closer to you. "Any luck?"

"Actually, can you tell me what that baby blue hoodie looks like? Does it have a logo?" You ask, looking around to see if you can spot it.

He doesn't let the smirk go. "Actually, I forgot that I was meaning for you to get me a hoodie like that. I don't have it yet."

You look back at the mess of clothes you spent more than half an hour looking at. You turn back at him, noticing he finds funny how frustrated you look at his actions.

You sigh and nod. "Any brand?" You ask, tired of his games.

He shakes his head no. "Surprise me." He smiles. "And you can take the three hoodies from Balenciaga. I don't like them anymore."

You pick them from the floor. "This one has the tags on." You say checking it. "Are you sure you don't want to keep one?"

He held his hands out for you to give it to him, and you handed him the hoodie. "Do you like it?" He asks, turning the hoodie to where you are.

You nod, grabbing the sleeves. "It's a good hoodie."

He hands it back to you. "Keep it if you want it." He smiles.

"Really?" You smile, grabbing the hoodie closer. "Thank you, Lando."

"Yeah, now can you pick my clothes? They have my shirt that I want to use tonight."

You nod, walking to where your things are. "Do you want anything else before I come back?" You ask before walking outside of the apartment.

You left the hoodie on the sofa, not having enough space to bring it to you because of Lando's things in the car.

He doesn't answer, so you pick your things and walk outside of his apartment. You think about the hoodie he just gave you. It was the F1 Balenciaga hoodie you liked. You know they gave it to Lando as a PR, but you were thankful for the little gift.

You know that this costs more than you could afford, so it was something you were happy with.

You feel your phone vibrate, Lando's name on the screen. He was asking you to get him half a dozen of those protein cookies you get him on the bakery on the other side of the city.

You pout, knowing that this day was going to be crazy with all the requests he's been having lately. If it was not him asking for breakfast, it was him asking for something that you could only get on the other side of the city.

And if it was not that, it was him making you go crazy with requests he knows are not going to have a successful end for you.

You can't complain, you have a job.

You pick his clothes, finding the green hoodie he wanted in the pile of clean clothes. You then moved to the other side of the city to get the cookies.

You try reaching him over text to see if he wanted a special flavor or the normal chocolate chip cookies.

You order a dozen, six of the flavors he likes the most and six of the normal ones. You have them packed on different containers for him not to have an excuse not to eat it.

You are back with the clothes and the cookies. Walking inside of the apartment, careful not to drop anything.

You grab your phone, answering to Mark about some scheduling that needed to be added. You confirm with him some other things.

You feel someone walking inside of the room, but you were busy writing something on your notebook to see who it was.

"Lando, I didn't know if the cookies you wanted were the normal ones, so I got a variety of them."

You hear a giggle, turning your head up and finding Magui. "Sorry if I scared you."

You blink a few times, surprised that she's even there. "Oh, hi." You whisper. You haven't even had time to look at the plane tickets, now knowing it was not necessary. "You are here! I was going to message you about the flight."

"I wanted to come and see him before the GP."

"That's amazing." You smile at her.

You can't lie, you feel awkward around her. You don't know if you can be totally cool with her or if it's going to be a gf of the boss kind of situation.

"Lando is taking a shower. He told me to tell you that if you wanted to go to Mark's, he's fine with you arranging the schedule."

You nod, giving her a small nod. "I'll get going then. Do you need anything before I leave?"

"Not at all, don't worry about us. We are fine."

You nod, walking to the sofa and grabbing the hoodie. You say a quiet goodbye to her and leave.

You close your car door, finally being able to rest for more than five minutes. You've been running around for him during the last few days.

You drive over Mark's house, grabbing some things that Lando needs to drop. You have to organize the agenda of Lando.

"Hey Mark, got you some coffee." You say, giving him a quick hug.

"Where's Lando?" He asks, accepting the coffee. "He needs to be here. What happened?"

"Maguie happened." You smile. "He was showering when I left his apartment, so he might show up."

You walk with him to his office, opening your agenda on the desk. You grab your highlighters and your pens.

"Okay, let's get to the good stuff." He jokes, making you laugh.

You planned the agenda around the events that he officially has with the Team and also the ones you know he has outside of the clock.

"When we land, we need to get him to fitting."

"He has lunch with Carlos." You say, marking the time as busy. "He confirmed this morning, and it's planned already by Carlos."

"Okay, now what about after." He asks, checking the times. "Anything during that time?"

"Not that I know, so fittings it is."

You two work on the perfect schedule that you know Lando is somehow going to fuck up. He always does and then blames you for not being able to accommodate him.

"Now, let's pray this kid follows the plan." Mark sigh.

🍊🍊🍊

You feel someone pulling your hoodie cap, making you turn and take your airpod out.

Lando was standing behind your seat, smirking at your sleepy eyes. "Do you have any gum?" He asks, knowing he only does this to bother you.

You nod, grabbing your purse and searching for the gum. You always carry gum because his ears tend to get clogged on the air, so you always buy some gum before getting into the plane.

You hand him a pack of gum, he takes a seat next to you. You place your airpod back on, turning back again to the window to get back to your nap.

You feel him getting your airpod out of your ear, you turn to him and finding him placing it on his ear.

"Justin Bieber?" He asks, listening to the music you are playing on your phone. "Thought you were a one direction fan."

You nodded, eyes closing as you fight the urge to go back to sleep. Just when you thought that Lando was leaving you alone, he opens his mouth.

"I'm bored, talk to me."

"Talk to Mark." You whisper, craving the sleep.

"But he's sleeping." He pouts, poking your side. "Plus, you are my assistant, talk to me."

You take a deep breath, squinting your eyes as hard as you can. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?" You ask, seating normally.

"Actually." He smiles at you, handing you the airpod. "I think I'll go back to my seat." He says, getting up and walking to the back.

You blink a few times, the sleep is gone, the anger is in. You know he does this just to bother you.

You try to get back to sleep, but you can't. You spend the rest of the flight irritated at the laugh of Lando in the back.

When the plane finally landed in Spain, you were the last one to get out of the plane. You know that Lando was going to be eager to get to the hotel and then meet with Carlos.

"Can you walk slower?"

"Is that a request?" You say, walking very slow. "Is this slow enough?" You smile.

"Hurry, Carlos is waiting for me." He frowns, closing the window of the car.

You hand your bag to the chauffeur, thanking him and getting on the ban with Mark and Lando.

"Did you check if my parents were at the hotel already?"

"Yes, Magui and them are at the hotel." You say, opening the agenda. "You have to be on fittings after lunch." You say, reading the schedule. "And a meeting with the team at the hotel once we are back from fittings."

"Wait, no." He turns to you. "Who planned this?"

"Not you, obviously." Mark chuckles. "We did, and it's final."

Lando turns, mad at something he can't do anymore. You take your phone, checking social media as a way to distract yourself.

When you get to the hotel, you grab Lando's luggage and walk inside with it. Mark and him were talking as you placed the luggage on the hotel car.

"I'll go to the meeting room. Please, make sure he's on time for fittings." Mark says to you.

You follow Lando to the elevator, getting inside with him. "Do you want me to call you a car to go see Carlos?"

He doesn't answer, normal thing when he's mad at something or at you. You take that as a yes, searching for the car service you hired before.

"The car will be here in twenty minutes. You can fresh up or whatever before that." You inform, thanking the hotel guy as he leaves the luggage in the room. "You parents are with Magui. They are having lunch with Piastri's parents."

You stay there for a moment, waiting to see if he was going to ask you for something. He was scrolling on his phone, ignoring your presence.

"I'll go to my room. The car is picking you up in fifteen." You say, grabbing your bag. "If you need anything, text me."

You walk to your room, throwing your bag on the floor and walking straight to bed. You needed a good nap before continuing with the day.

Sadly for you, just like your nap on the plane, your sleep was interrupted by the door. You groan, turning to the side and ignoring it.

Thirty seconds later, you hear the knocks again. You open your eyes, angry, getting up to see who dares to interrupt your sleep.

"What?" You say, opening the door. You find Lando on the other side, smiling at you. "Oh, it's you."

"I texted you five times." He says, showing you the phone. "Let's go, the car is already here."

"What car?" You ask, confused because of the sleepiness.

"The car that's supposed to take us to Carlos. Now let's go." He says, walking away. "Y/n, move it."

"Do I have to go?" You whisper, letting a groan out.

You shake your head, running to the bed to grab your phone and handbag. You ran quickly to the elevator. He's holding the door for you.

" < text me if you need anything > " He mocks your voice. "Then you leave me ignored and abandoned."

"I never leave you abandoned." You say to him.

You notice how his hair is messy, you know he hates to have pictures with messy hair.

"Come here." You say, stretching your arm to him. You comb his hair with your fingers, eyes focused on his curls. "Done, that looks much better."

He looks at you, checking if his hair is better than before. He then shakes his head a little, going back to reality.

"Why did you schedule the fittings after lunch?" He asks, frowning. "That was stupid."

"It would've been easier if you were there." You say, frowning too. "You told Magui to tell me to deal with it."

"But fittings after eating?" He chuckles. "That's dumb, admit it."

"Yes, Lando, it was." You say, rolling your eyes.

"You see how easy is it when we agree?" He asks, poking your side. Something you hate when he does. "Who do you think is going to win?"

He asks this, expecting you to say his name. He always asks you as if you are a fortune teller and your words are going to be written on rock.

"Hopefully, Piastri." You say, getting out of the elevator as soon as the doors open.

Lando stays there, mouth forming a perfect "o" You try to hide your smirk, not wanting to get another reaction out of him.

mclaren

❤️ 91,7mil 💬91 ↗️ 201

mclaren 6️⃣ Races + 6️⃣ Podiums = a successful triple 😍

#Mclaren #F1

"Y/n, hi!"

"Hi, Lily." You smile, giving her a hug.

Lily is Oscar's girlfriend, you have a nice relationship since you see each other a lot during the GP, during practice, during press days.

"Busy day?" She asks, walking over Lando's space.

"Yeah, I've been running around these past few days." You giggle. "How are you?"

"Amazing, happy to be here. Love Canada!"

"Yes, I hope our boys win." You smile at her.

"Yes, that would be so amazing." She smiles, thinking about it. "Hey, tell me something. I know gossiping is bad, but what happened to Magui and Lando? I'm asking because Oscar told me about the fight in front of the team"

You think if it was the right thing to talk about what happened to them. On one side, Lando is your boss, and talking about him like that was bad. However, they did make it everybody's problem when they did it in front of everybody.

"Don't kiss and tell, but Magui slapped Lando during practice because Lando told her he liked someone else."

"So they are done?" She asks, whispering.

You nod, making sure the boys aren't coming. "She said goodbye to me before leaving, telling me that Lando was an asshole who lied to her." You whisper.

"Oh." Lily says.

You try to hide the smile you want to let out. You can't lie that Magui leaving gives you a sense of happiness.

You know that Lando would never think about you in that way, and you know you can't think about that because he is your boss.

However, thinking is free, and your mind sometimes betrays you, showing your deepest thoughts.

You two continued talking for a while, changing the topics. They guys were on a team meeting, so you were able to talk with her.

Both Lando and Oscar came back to their areas. Lily said goodbye to you, going to Oscar's. You watch Lando as he walks inside his area.

"Where's Mark?" He asks, you can tell he is mad. "I need to talk to him."

"He said he had a call to make, want me to go look for him?" You ask, he was trying to get out of a jacket.

You stand up, helping him with the jacket. You can tell he's mad about something, so you try to make it easier for him.

It's never a good thing for him to be angry before driving. You always try for him to relax and to mentally prepare.

"I picked your favorite snack." You say, pointing at the snacks and drinks. "And your parents called. They are ready to see you drive."

"Can you believe they couldn't come?" He asks, pouting. "I wanted them here."

"I know, but I'm sure they will be there for the next one. I'll start with their transportation as soon as tonight."

You help him with his suit, making sure it's neat. You grab his hand, taking the watch off of his wrist.

Lando can't lie when he says that he loves it when you take care of him. It makes him feel special, it makes him feel like you care about him.

"Are you nervous?" You ask, noticing that he is tense.

He scuffs, "No, what kind of stupid question is that?"

You would love to understand the shifts he has. Why does he suddenly go from a friendly boss to an asshole who's mean to you.

"Sorry." You whisper, placing his watch next to the snacks table. "I'll go get Mark."

You walk outside to look for Mark, he was probably lying talking to Oscar's manager. You find him talking to a group of people.

You don't want to interrupt, so you just wait for him to finish. You were in such a good mood, but as always, Lando does something or acts up in a way that makes you feel uneasy.

"Hey, kiddo." Mark says, smiling at you.

"Hey, Lando is looking for you." You smile at him.

He thanked you, walking inside the teams placed to meet with Lando. You waited outside, watching everything from the distance.

You can't lie that this job has been the best. You have to travel to places you never thought you would ever visit.

You travel in a private jet, eat at the best places, and sleep at the nicest hotels. You can say it's a dream job.

Sometimes you do wonder if you are good at what you are doing, with Lando calling you out for doing things he doesn't want to do.

It gets to you, making you feel like you fail, but Mark always makes sure to let you know that Lando is like that and that he's joking.

You check the time, the race was going to start in a little bit, so you walk back inside to see everything from his station.

"Ready?" Oscar asks you as you walk back.

You nod, giving him a high five. "Good luck." You say to him.

You see Lando walking to the entrance, he was trying to zip up his suit. You can tell he's nervous by the way his hands aren't coordinating.

You grab his shoulders, making him stop. You take his hands away, pulling the zipper up and patting his chest.

"Wish me luck." He whispers.

"You don't need it." You whisper back. Moving to the side so he could walk to the entrance.

He looks back at you before going out. You wait for him to do it to get to his station. Laying on the couch for a moment.

You spend the first half of the race inside. Hearing everybody being happy outside. You decide to join them.

You walk to where the team is, joining them. You stand next to Mark, who's smiling because Lando and Oscar are on the first five positions.

Mark got you a pair of head of headsets. You love watching the action going on, it makes your heart go faster.

You love how the team works fast to get them through pitz in no time, how they give him instructions, how they support each other.

"Last five, team!"

You notice that both Piastri and Lando were on the top five. You hope that they get to a double podium.

You feel your heart stop when Lando and Piastri collapsed together. Making Lando have a DNF, he wasn't able to finish the race.

"I'm okay, guys." He says out of breath over the radio. "I'm sorry, it was my fault."

Your heart breaks for him, the sound of his voice is making you feel like crying. You wait for him to get there to check from afar if he is okay.

Once he is out of the reach of the camera, you see how he kicks the wall. Closing his asignated area.

Mark walks over to where he is. They have a person from the medical team check him for any injury and ask him if he feels some type of way.

Oscar landed the fourth place, it was something for the team. You take the headsets, walking over to where Lando and Mark are.

You stand outside, not wanting to disturb him. You waited for a moment, deciding to walk away. You don't want to be seen like a bother.

You walk back to the front room, Lily was there. She asks how is Lando, you shrug and tell her that you were giving space.

Mark texted you, letting you know that Lando and him were leaving back to the hotel. To take care of whatever is left back and that he was going to send the car back to get you after they drop them off.

You text him that you will take care of that, walking back to collect everything that Lando left behind.

You wait inside, not feeling like answering how Lando was from the team. You don't even know how he is, so you don't feel like lying on top of everything.

When the car was there, you walked silently to the exit. Getting inside and texting Mark that you are on your way to the Hotel.

He asked you to give the things to Lando and force him to eat something. He needed to leave to see some sponsors, and he wanted you to take care of that for him.

When you get to the hotel, you thank the driver. You decide to leave Lando alone for a little bit more, maybe he is talking to his parents, maybe he is still mad or angry, maybe he wants to be alone.

You decide to walk to your room and take a shower. You were going to order your food at the same time as his, so you check if he actually eats.

You take your time, dry your hair, and apply your creams. You change into some leggings and an oversized t-shirt.

You take the things, grabbing the room key. You over to the other side of the floor. You were three rooms away from his room when you notice Charles Leclerc, who was staying on the same floor, walking over.

"Hey, I know you." He smiles, stopping when he notices you. "You work with McLaren."

You nod, not feeling like correcting your work to him. "You work for Ferrari." You joke.

He let out a big laugh, grabbing his belly. You frown for a moment, not finding your joke to be that funny.

"Did you enjoy the race?" He asks, making more conversation. "I mean, one of your drivers crashed and didnt finished, but apart from that."

"Yeah, I enjoyed your fifth and sixth place." You smile.

"Fuck, you are feisty." He jokes, smiling at you. "Like every McLaren girl."

"Well, nice to meet you, mister Leclerc." You say, wanting to get to Lando.

"Same thing here, miss..." He pauses, waiting for you to say your name.

"Y/n, that's my name."

"Well, miss Y/n. Nice to meet you." He smirks.

You walk away from him, not making much distance before hearing Charles talk to you again.

"If you ever get tired of working for McLaren." He says, making you turn to him. "Find me at the Ferrari spot, I'll get you a better spot on our team."

You smile, nodding. "Thanks, I'll have it in mind."

You wait for him to walk away to turn back to find Lando's room. You find him crossed armed, looking at your with a frown.

"Hey, how are you?" You say, walking over to him. "I have your watch, but are you okay?"

"What were you talking about with Leclerc?" He asks, not caring about the questions you asked him.

"Oh, he was just saying hi." You say, rolling your eyes a little.

"Really?" He scuffs. "I heard him offering you a job."

You frown, confused about why this is important. "I mean, yeah, but I'm sure it was him teasing."

You hand him his watch, looking at him and at his angry expression. You don't understand where that's coming from.

He turns back to his room, leaving the door open for you to get inside. You close the door, noticing the little disaster he made.

"How are you?" You ask again.

He doesn't answer, he is searching for something on his luggage. The frown on his face is making you worry.

"Lando, are you okay?"

"You care now?" He scuffs.

You frown. "What do you mean? I've always cared."

"Sure, fucking sure." He laughs. "That's why you didnt even come see me after the fucking crash."

"I gave you space, Lando." You explain, not wanting for him to feel like you don't care.

You care more than he thinks, you always cared for him. You feel hurt that he thinks you don't care how he is doing.

"I wanted to give you space." You repeat.

"I waited for you, I needed you there." He says, elevating his tone of voice. "I didn't leave earlier because I was waiting for you to come see me."

"You called me dumb moments before the race. Do you really think I was going to go see you when your feelings were raised?"

"I was joking."

"Were you?" You ask, scuffing. "You always do that, Lando. If it's not because I messed up the order of your food, if it's because I pack the wrong shirt, if it's because I don't have your water cold enough."

He covered his face, yelling into his hands. You shake your head at him, not believing that he was mad at something he created.

"That's why you were talking with Charles?" He asks, thinking about it.

"What?"

"He was talking about you going to Ferrari to work with him." He says, walking closer to you. "Are you leaving me?"

"Lando, no." You say, grabbing his arm. "I don't want to work for Charles or Ferrari. I'm with you."

"Are you?"

You swear you could hear your heart breaking. You worked very hard for him, you have given more than you should just for him to notice your effort.

You don't feel like proving a point that it was obvious he didn't understand. You let go of him, backing a few steps away from him.

"If you are not happy with my job or with how I do something for you. Take this as my two week notice."

You turn to the door, feeling his hand grabbing your arm. "What do you mean your two week notice?"

"Let go of me." You say, looking at him. "Lando, let go."

He let go of your arm, giving you a chance to open the door. You want to get away from him, feeling too hurt with his words.

"I'll go with you to Austria, but after that I'll go back to London, alone." You say to him.

You walk back to your room, you slam the door shut. You try not to cry, taking deep breaths. You walk over to your bed, thinking about what just happened.

"Y/n, open the door." You hear Lando's voice. "We need to talk."

You stay quiet, wanting him to leave. He doesn't give up, keeping the knocking on the door.

"I'm not leaving, open the door."

You bring your knees to your chest, hugging them as you see the door. You hold the urge to open the door and throw something at him.

After a few minutes, Lando stopped with the knockin. You throw yourself in bed, closing your eyes.

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mclaren An unfortunate end to today's GP, but we'll continue to push to get the most out of every opportunity 👊🏻

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"Miss Y/n, are you ready to see the race?"

You turn to the voice, finding Charles. You smile at him, noticing the dog on his arms.

"Who is this little guy?" You ask, getting closer. "Hi, baby."

"He is Leo, my and my girlfriend's dog." He smiles, giving the dog a kiss on the head. "He's a nice boy, just like his daddy."

You nod, understanding the undertone. "I bet he is." You say, stopping with petting the dog. "And to answer your question, I am ready for the race."

"Nice, nice." He nods, looking at you up and down. "Did you think about my offer?" He asks, eyebrows moving up and down.

You sigh. "I did, but I'm loyal to McLaren. They have been my team since two years ago, and I can't picture myself in another team."

He nods, smirking. "You know where to find me if you change your mind, eh." He says, pointing at your while walking away. "Best of luck to your guys, but I'm beating them."

You wave at him, giggling at how funny that statement sounds. He has this aura of confidence that now you understand why makes other drivers feel intimidated.

You turn, finding Lando looking at you. Oscar was talking to him about something. Obviously, he did not care about what Piastri was saying, eyes fixed on you.

You walk back to Lando's space. You grab your phone, checking on Mark to see if he needed something.

He was with some sponsors, taking them to the palcos that McLaren had available for sponsors and other important people they invite there.

"Y/n," Lando calls, walking to where you are. "We need to talk."

You don't meet his eyes, the sound of your keyboard is filling the room.

"Tell me, do you need something before the race?" You ask him.

"I want us to fix things." He says, grabbing your arms. "What were you talking with Charles about?"

You were about to answer, but you noticed his parents walking towards you. The smile on their faces is enough for you to feel happy.

"Oh, hi." You say to them, moving out of Lando's hold. "So happy to see that you are here."

His mom hugs you, saying hi to you. His father does the same, thanking you for making possible for them to come.

"I got your favorite snacks, Mister Norris." You point at the table. You have different snacks that you know his father and mother love. "And your favorite drink, Miss Norris."

"Isn't she an angel, Lando?" His dad asks his son.

"I'll give you some space." You say, walking out of the room and closing the door.

You walk to where the rest of the team is preparing. Saying hi to some of the pitz guys, they make conversation with you.

You feel sad that you are going to say goodbye to all of this. It's been the best times of your life, being friends to the team, finding a small family in all of them.

You feel disassociated, not finding real how quick the time flies. You notice that Lando's parents are next to you because his mom places her hand on your shoulder.

"Lando is calling for you."

You nod, thanking her and walking to his space. You say hi to Oscar on the way, he was texting and ready to go.

"You needed me?" You ask, opening the door.

"Help me with my suit." He says, looking at himself in the mirror. You nod, walking inside of the room. "Close the door."

You do, getting closer to him as you fix the sleeves and fix the necklace he has on. He cant keep his eyes away from you.

You feel his hands on your waist, you try to act normal. You grab his wrists, trying to pull his hands away from you.

"Lando, stop this." You say, looking at him. "Let's not do this, you have to go. The race is about to start."

"Promise me you are not leaving right after the race." He says, hands gripping your skin, not to hurt you but to keep you steady. "Please."

"You have to go." You repeat. "Let's go, Oscar is waiting."

"Oscar can fuck off, I need you to promise me that you are not leaving me."

"Lando, let go of me."

"Please." He begs, eyes like a puppy.

You sigh, knowing that there was no way for you to make him leave without him pulling a fight. "I promise."

He looks into your eyes, nodding and letting you go. He zips his suit, looking at you for the last time, walking outside of the room.

"Y/n." Lily calls. "You coming?" She asks, smiling at you.

You nod, walking with her to where both Oscar's and Lando's parents are. They all have a pair of headsets. Lando's mother offered you a pair, you take it with a smile.

The race started, you aren't going to lie, you are too distracted to care about the first half of the race. Your mind is somewhere else, replaying memories of the different races you have been to.

"I'll be right back." You say to Lando's parents.

You think very hard about breaking the promise. You think very hard about leaving and going back to the hotel.

But you can't seem to do it, you can't send the text to Lando. The text you have written and deleted multiple times, trying to make it perfect.

Your plan was for you to leave before the race ended. That way, you have time to pick your stuff and go to the airport.

Mark was very sad about the news, he thought it was because you feel like the F1 rhythm wasn't for you anymore.

You hear the commotion outside, making you frown. You block your phone, walking outside to see what was going on.

You then noticed the screen, Lando was first, and Oscar was second, Charles was running behind them.

You place the headsets back on. You can't lie that all the ideas of leaving are now out of your head. You are excited for the last 10.

You grab Lily's hand, eyes glued to the screen. Lily was shaking with exciment, moving to get some anxiety out of her system.

You can't help but jump as Lando scores the first place on the Podium, and just two seconds later, Piastri is scoring second place.

You don't care who comes after them, you turn and hug his mom. Happy about him, he needed this win after what happened in Canada.

You see how the team runs to where they are. Happy about the first and second place in twenty five years.

You stayed behind them all, watching as Lando, Oscar, and Charles threw champagne at each other.

You chuckle at Lando throwing more champagne than normal to Charles. You can hear his laughter even when you are not near him.

You grab your phone, deleting the big text you had prepared for him. You write a simple thank you. Sending it him before grabbing your bag and walking to the parking lot.

You call an Uber, cursing at the fact that it was going to take a while because of the big traffic outside of the circuit.

Your phone on your pockey feels like it's burning. You want to look at your messages to see if he read the text or if maybe he's too busy celebrating this big moment.

Your thoughts were answered when you hear your name being called. You turn to find Lando running to you.

"What are you doing?" You ask. He was drenched in champagne and out of breath. "Lando, you need to be celebrating with your family. Go back."

"You promised."

You stay quiet, not knowing how to answer. You just look away. "I stayed, but I need to leave now."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tired, Lando. It hurts to see you not trusting me even after all this time. I would've never chosen Charles over you, you know that."

"I was stupid, a fucking child act. I admit that, but when I saw you with him in the corridor and then today. My blood boiled."

"Why do you care that much?" You ask, turning your whole body to him. "Does Charles really bothers you that much?"

"He doesn't bother me." He scuffs.

"Then tell me, what was the reason for your reaction?"

"I was jealous."

You pause for a moment, processing what he just spat at you.

"Jealous of what?"

"Of him being so close to you, offering you to leave with him. I was jealous when I saw you laughing with him at the hotel, when I saw you today with him and his dog."

"You were jealous of Charles trying to steal your personal assistant?"

"No, fuck sake." He says, passing a hand to his hair. "I was jealous of losing you, and by that, I don't mean you as my assistant. I mean you as a person, you as my safe place, you as my confident, you as my biggest support when nobody's there."

He wants to yell at your confused face. You don't quite understand what he is trying to say, or better say, you are still not believing what he is trying to say.

"I like you." He confesses, finally using the right words. "I've been trying to hide this feeling for so long, I thought me being with other girls was going to help. It didn't, I can't forget about you."

You look into his eyes, the same eyes you are so familiarize with. The same eyes you can describe without looking at them.

"Y/n?" He asks, afraid of fucking things up. "Please say something."

You don't say anything, you grab his face into your hands. You join your lips together, pressing his drenched body to yours.

His hands go to your back, holding you closer as he deepens the kiss. You don't care about the air running short, you dont care about the feeling of your clothes getting wet.

You care about him, how his lips sink with yours, and how your tongues are dancing in a perfect way. Sadly, the air was making things end.

You press your forehead to his, breathing heavily. Your eyes are still closed, not wanting to open them.

His hands move, grabbing your head and separating it from him. He gives your forehead a kiss.

"Does that mean you feel the same?" He asks, kissing your temple. "Mmm?"

You giggle, nodding. You separate enough to peck his lips. "I do."

You two are interrupted by the sound of your phone. You grab it, reading the notification of the Uber app.

"My Uber canceled." You say to him, blocking the phone and putting it away.

"Good," he says, pecking your lips again. "I wasn't planning on letting you go."

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